#i wanted to write to so many other people but i didnt know i'd write this much for each person so the ppost is rly just too!! long!!

[cy-cyborg]

So, there's a lot I want to say about the paralypics, but every time I try I just... can't articulate what I want to say without it turning into a monster of a post that puts my writing advice posts to shame lol. This includes in response to the anonymous asks I got on the topic btw. So I'm going to try and summarise my thoughts here.

As someone who was working towards the Rio paralympics - who was basically one of the people they were actively training to be the next paralympians and who got to go if their choice first athletes had to drop out, the Olympics and paralympics are a... touchy subject for me. I loved playing. I loved my sport. I loved the people I played with. I loved the people I played against. But the way the public and people in power treats disabled athletes sucks. It Really really sucks. and it hurts to talk about.

The vast, vast majority of us aren't paid. We are expected to train at the same intensity as the Olympians with none of the breaks and none of the support to do so, resulting in injuries that are disabling in and of themselves, while juggling normal jobs. many of the paralympians are also in school or at university as well. both schools and jobs see these elite athletes as dedicated hobbiests at best.

I had a friend who were fired from their job because they were denied time off to compete at the paralypics and well, if i had to choose between the paralympics or stay at a shit job paying minimum wage, I know which one I'd pick, and so she didnt have a job when she came back. I have friends who are still in the closet because their sponsors would drop them if they came out as gay, who ended years-long relationships to keep the funding that allowed them and their teams to compete - funding that just covered the costs of travel by the way. They never saw a cent of it themselves, but it was the difference between us having to pay $50 each for our plane tickets and accommodation and having to pay $2,000Aud + for every away game. I have friends who were supposed to go to Tokeyo but were kicked off the teams weeks before the games because of a rule change that decided they weren't disabled enough anymore, wasting years of work with absolutely no warning. They weren't even given the decency of an appology from the people who made the call. Several went through terrifying mental health spirals over it. It was their life's work, gone. I saw so many friends just give up because their disabilities were "too hard to classify" into the International Paralympic Commity's boxes and who were made to feel they weren't welcome by the system spouting off about its diversity and inclusion and empowerment of disabled people.

And then with all that, the best we can hope for is for the social media teams to turn us into a joke for ableds to laugh at or into inspiration porn to make them feel good about themselves - because at least theyre not us. Because obviously, there are no other options in how to show us/sarcasm.

My phone doesn't even have "paralympics" as a recognised word. I have a Samsung. The company that is currently at the paralympics using them as a marketing opertunity. We aren't even recognised as a word in the phones made by the company that is currently using the paralympics as a marketing opportunity. The phones they're giving the athletes won't even recognise the name of the event that they got it at. If I've spelt it wrong, it's because it autocorrects it every time I try to spell it right, and im dyslexic and can't see the difference until I stare at it for a minute or so.

I just... this isn't even scratching the surface of my thoughts. But I wanted to say at least some of it. It will be the last I'm going to talk about it, at least until the event is over.

[sheeezu]

My diary, few days before I shifted. (I discovered this VERY late, I know I've said I didn't write anything down, but I did write sometimes, but they are scattered over notes and notion on different accounts, I didnt write regularly.)

I want to post this, in order to let others know, while I shifted I also struggled like anyone else, the tone is feigned confidence. In brackets are my comments, right now.

"The night will come.

Dawn would peak through my window soon.

I would be waken from my slumber still in the same reality."

Maybe. Maybe there's a way around it, to end my suffering, my fear of something as insignificant as waking up, maybe the sun that peaks through my window is from home. Maybe I'm four year behind time. Maybe once I wake up, everyone has disappeared and I can dance in the abandoned streets. Maybe the sky would have fallen, maybe I'd wake up to a flooded and drowned world, straying away in the water on my mattress. Maybe the apocalypse might have occurred, I'll wake up in a frenzy, and then i won't have to worry about college, will they finally hault the exam result? Would that buy me more time.

Tonight I saw in my dream. *** (dr name) walking confidently through my college's doorway. I looked all victorious and mighty. But why did I see myself, from 3rd person point of view, when I am me, that's me! I am that posh and neat looking person. I am the one with the radiant smile, looking so dreamy even in a dream.

I want to merge with all of it. Every particle of soil from my home.

A beautiful lyric speak, although it is a rewording of the iconic, "did the chicken come first, or the egg?"

"Did love came first, or was it the lover?" (This is from an urdu song, translated)

For me it sounds, did my home exist first, being the starting point of my soul, or was it me who created it with my soul?

That's too deep of a discussion to pick up now, I just know it's my everything. All I care is me being there. To be able to walk without my eyes looking to the ground once.

Anyways, I end up writing so meaninglessly, that I exhaust myself.

What I've learnt about shifting, today: there is no requirement for order in my existence. Just because I fell asleep here, doesn't mean I'll wake up back here. That's too... humane, I rise up the need to look at the time. Hardwork ≠ success, the sooner I unlearn this the better. Its dangerous if I follow it. It'll only lead to me being another donkey in the system. In my vein flows the path back home, I just need to feel where the wind's direction is. I've talked about time before, oh dear circumstances! You're just colors flashing on the screen.

I will simply, just be there. I will simply be where I am supposed to be.

I've been better mentally, I am too ashamed to do anything, I always pretend that ***(deceased loved one) or people from home are watching me. I haven't talked to many people today, everyone is asleep. I am tired but I can't sleep, I end up daydreaming about home! I feel tingly, I feel like being on the verge of shifting, I'm too excited to see what it'll be like to convert it into ACTUALLY shifting, I will hand craft a method for myself. I'll think about it!! Definitely. Right now I am going to distract myself from this reality, I will be writing, and play THE playlist in the background. :)))))

Please deliver my love to *** (dr s/o) and dad!

[peaterookie]

Why Do I Like (Manga) Lupin? (yes this is finished)

The not-so-long awaited question shall be answered today!!! I'm sure so many people are so excited for me to talk about Lupin for the 90 billionth time.

This will be a normal and short post, trust me.

But seriously, has anyone actually stopped and wondered: Why do I like this character so much? Why did my brain choose this character and not another? Have you ever stopped and thought about the psychology that goes into why your heart pours so much of itself into just some fictional character, that might just make you become a more well-adjusted individual in society if you just hadn't been aware of them?

I love everything about Lupin III, if you haven't known already. But I also like psychology, and talking about myself. So let me guide you through the crevices of my brain and show you why I love him so much. After this you will surely gain an appreciation for him at least, if not invite him to live inside your brain rent free.

Chapters:

Name

Design

Personality

How Lupin Changed my Life

Other Stuff!

Chapter 1: Name

sorry guys but WE GOTTA TALK IN LENGTH ABOUT HIS NAME

I think it's a really cool name!! Before I got into the series, the name Lupin III has always caught my eye. It describes straightforwardly a lot of his character premise: He's the grandchild of the well renowned thief Arsene Lupin. Wouldn't that kind of character already sound interesting to you?

I think there are very few works of fiction where the title/name of the character already tells you everything you need to know about the series. And to that i find it pretty impressive.

Aside from that, I think Lupin is a cute and fun name to say. It's very funny to have an absolute psychopath be named Loop-on. That's a grown ass man dude.

Him being the third generation is also quite interesting. You typically see people when making a fan-child of a character usually have it be a direct offspring, but no, MP skipped a whole generation to write about Arsene Lupin's grandchild.

That, of course, makes sense because he needed to have it match the time period he is writing it in, but being the third gen brings a deeper sense of inferiority to Lupin that being the second wouldn't have. We get the impression that he isn't as good as the past two Lupins and also that he is probably the most disconnected to the identity of the gentleman thief, reflected in how he dresses and acts. He's a lot more modern and young, I think this disconnect helps him be his own character.

Lastly, I find the lack of first name very intriguing. It probably doesnt have any significance but i like to think that his parents didnt give a fuck enough to give him his own first name. It's okay because he doesn't need one. His name is already that good.

Chapter 2: Design

Lupin III is designed with the manga medium in mind. Since manga is primarily in black and white, Monkey Punch needed the character to have good contrast and be easily drawn in any sort of poses and angles. I'd say he did a great job in the end, and Lupin's design is one of the best I've ever seen.

His sleek black body compliments extremely well with his jacket and tie, which with its bright colors, makes his body stand out. Having shirt and pants be black also lessens the need to add detail onto the clothes. In a way he functions like a stickman.

His head is also interestingly featureless, which makes it quite distinct from many other characters with their unique hair styles. I think it works well with his motif of being able to disguise as anybody. The sideburns also give him extra unique points and his hairline gives him a fun facial shape. I remember seeing a screenshot where Monkey Punch stated that he initially wanted Lupin to have hair similar to Goemon's, but decided against it because it would take too much time. I think this was a good choice on his part, and that sort of hair style I assumed was then reused for Lupin's child design.

(terrifying.)

Another thing I find cool about his design is just the overall roundness of it. Have you guys ever wondered why Lupin, this bastard trickster of man, has such smooth and round shapes ? Wouldn't it make more sense personality wise for him to have more sharper shapes to encompass his wild nature?

(im not going to be your art teacher and explain shape languages to you guys, here's a picture.)

Personally, I think the round shapes are to show Lupin's softer side. While he is cunning and evil, he also exhibits a child-like and playful personality and overall his movements are quite bouncy, kind of like a bouncing ball!

In contrast though, I feel like that appearance is also to disguise his sinister side, to make him look softer than he truly is. Although his shapes are round, they are composed of rugged lines, topped with angular posing, and a sharp smile. It gives you the impression that he doesn't really fit into the soft and friendly mold.

Wow, I'm this far into the design chapter and I haven't even talked about how he looks like a monkey yet! I think for that I'm better than about half of the Lupin fans already /hj

I believe his monkey-like appearance was unintentional, but what I find pretty funny about it is that it really does fit Lupin in a way. Monkeys, often depicted as goofy and friendly animals in media, are actually quite dangerous and unpredictable animals if not handled properly. Lupin is also a smart but dangerous character, but gets softened up throughout the series to attract a more diverse audience. (Not saying that Lupin isn't goofy and silly, he is, but I feel like it's a vast oversimplification of his character.)

Monkey analysis is over, let's move on.

Lastly... Lupin III is SO FUN TO DRAW!!! Adding all that I've talked about; his monkey-like head, the nice contrast on his outfit, and the general simplicity of his design, his design is simple to draw and very malleable. I get a lot of mileage out of designing outfits for him and drawing him in various styles, so there's a lot of room to add your own artistic charm to him! I also love how there's really no correct way to color him either. Monkey Punch experimented wildly on his color palette in the past; he has a variety of outfit palette and skin color and that sort of looseness is very awesome...

His variety of expressions is also one of the best things about this design because. there's just so much you can work with and it makes him like literally the best character ever you don't understand. You can not look at this set of panels and not love this goofball.

and uh oh yeah he's really hot and I want him.

Chapter 3: Personality

I've tried avoiding talking about his personality in the last chapter, but now it's time to go ALL OOOOOOUUUTT

I've always loved the trickster character archetype ever since I was conscious. There's something very entertaining about a character that throws away any sort of moral responsibility and decides to troll the entire world. They always have extremely charming and lovable personalities as well, and Lupin is no exception!

Let's start at the surface level. I love how much of a BASTARD he is. I love how much he gets on everyone's nerves (including mine's) just by merely existing and he is proud of it. Those types of characters are so fun to follow because they make everything they do and anything around them a laughingstock, Lupin often has a shit-eating grin whenever he knows he's doing something bad and it's so entertaining!! It's also equally satisfying when he gets punished for being a bastard and I love seeing him suffer.

On top of being a bastard, he's also an ASSHOLE. Manga Lupin is a massive asshole and he exists to shit on the world whenever it does anything against him. He gets angry very often in the manga and it gets fucking crazy whenever someone ticks him off. He will literally do anything to get back to whoever pissed him off and it is super funny. He's an angry, dramatic, pouty shithead. Love him for that.

Speaking of dramatic, his strongest points as a character is just how expressive he can be. It's endearing just how much emotion is stored in that man's body and I'm drawn to those kinds of characters because despite my personality being sorta big here, I have a lot of trouble expressing myself in real life. So seeing characters like that just being able to express freely feels very empowering to me even if Lupin looks like a little bitch when he does it sometimes.

I'm also very endeared by his mannerisms. He moves very... strangely (like most MP characters do) but I think he exudes this weirdness much more due to his eccentricity and expressive personality. It makes me think that he's neurodivergent but we will talk about this later. His expressions are also really exaggerated and funny, he's like genetically engineered to act as entertaining as possible and I really enjoy observing the way he does things like watching a bug in a cup.

Okay okay I'm done with talking surface level shit. Let's talk about all of Lupin.

I don't only just enjoy trickster characters, I also like characters that have multiple layers to them (like onions) and Manga Lupin is probably the best example of this.

"I wanted to make Lupin a top-notch villain, but I also wanted to make Lupin an extremely human man. The result was the meticulous and perfectionist assassin, with a gruff, awkward, and clumsy personality."

The best part about Lupin is how multi-faceted he is. He is both a genius and an idiot, cruel but kind, emotional and logical. He is the type of man you can imagine existing in real life because his actions and feelings are extremely realistic and sometimes even relatable!!

Every one of us don't just have a single personality, there are suitable moments to be serious, suitable moments to be silly, we are never always one extreme over the other. Like Lupin, some of us are smart but are bumbling idiots on certain things, and we all have the capacity to be both the kindest people alive or commit atrocities on others. That level of complexity and humanity in Lupin makes me feel very connected to him on a level I've never experienced from any other fictional character, because he feels like a character that any of us can become if we take the wrong steps in life.

Some people say that manga Lupin is a very inconsistent character and frankly I disagree with that and I don't like how non-manga readers spread that around to diminish his character. I feel like many people fail to acknowledge the nuance he has; he is inconsistent because that is how humans are, there are no rules to how we can behave and our minds are an enigma, especially for those dealing with mental conditions and/or trauma.

Oh yeah! I haven't ever discussed how Lupin is like, severely mentally ill yet huh?

So these two pages are from the New Adventures chapter "Island of Thieves (Part 2)" the first ever Lupin manga chapter I read.

In this chapter, Lupin has what I would likely describe as a mental breakdown, followed by a series of irrational and fucked up decisions. For all that it's worth, I think this chapter won me over because I Love having a mentally ill character to study because it's such an interesting topic for me to dissect. this isn't gonna be some super deep dive into what mental illness he has because I am personally not that kind of person, but just general observations on his behavior.

The first thing I can pinpoint is his inability to control his emotions, which leads to him making rash and violent decisions towards others. There really isn't a set of things i can pinpoint that lead to his emotional outbursts because there are times where he is very levelheaded in tough scenarios, then experiences an outburst at some minor inconvenience, this sort of instability is an obvious sign that there is something wrong.

I believe that this sort of behavior came from how he grew up in the Lupin household. In the Confession Series, there were various times where he grew extremely frustrated with his father and grandfather's actions towards him.

This pent up frustration and anger in him was then directly fostered into a coping mechanism because of his occupation as a criminal/assassin, where he needed to be violent and cruel to others to survive. When that is the way that he can solve a problem, he will see it as the only way to eliminate a stressor because he has been taught no other way to cope with his feelings.

Have a problem with someone? Hit them, kill them, rape them.

Sorry, that got a bit heavy huh? I just find Lupin so fascinating, it's almost like looking into a real criminal's brain, someone who has been hurt throughout all their life and has decided to hurt the world back.

For why I focused so much on his emotional regulation issues, it is because I deeply related to this part of his character. ahh I'm gonna get suuper personal in this part so be prepared?? I guess??? And also have an open mind of course.

Chapter 4 (but also kind of sticking on Ch.3's topic): How Lupin Changed My Life

Content Warning for I will be lightly discussing about real case of parental abuse, suicidal ideations, murder ideations, and other sensitive topics.

I also grew up with a family that has not treated me the best. In the position of the family as the youngest child, I lacked power, and thus lacked the power to stand up for myself and express how I felt whenever I was hurt by my family.

Like Lupin, this caused me to have trouble with expressing my emotions in a healthy and proper way, and I often vented my frustrations through emotional outbursts in the past and have hurted others verbally and psychologically in the pursuit of feeling like I was in control of something. I also developed violent ideations of killing others or harming myself, thoughts that I have struggled a lot in repressing and still do today. That is why when reading the manga, I was able to connect to Lupin's struggles because although he has done arguably worse things than me, the root cause is the same between us and I felt... seen.

For a long time, these thoughts inside my head and the mistakes I have made due to it caused me to believe truly and deeply that I am a bad person and I internalized it as the truth, almost as if I have made peace with the plague inside my mind and that it will be a part of me for as long as I live. Reading Lupin III and seeing this character felt like he was a physical and visual representation of this part of myself, and I felt happy. Happy to know that I am not alone in what I experienced and also happy that I am not Lupin.

I still have the chance to be a better person, I have accepted that I was a bad person in the past, but it doesn't define who I am now and who I will become in the future.

Lupin in a way humanized my mental illness. Although it has caused considerable harm to myself and others, it is wrong to say that it is a plague because it was born out of circumstances out of my control, and what it was doing was merely its attempt to cope with the situation and save myself from more hurt. Like Lupin, it did what it had to do to survive, and for that I do not blame it for trying.

Although Lupin can be seen as a warning to others like me, there are parts of him that I found inspiring and has contributed to great changes in my life. His eccentricity and confidence as I've stated previously was something I wish I could have, and I have been trying to adapt that sort of personality into myself ever since I read the manga. I exude much more energy and joy than I had in the past, and used the overwhelming amount of emotion I have inside me to spread happiness to others instead of the opposite. (regulating bad emotions is a must, but good emotions, I'm letting that all out and spreading it to others! sparkle on remember to be yourself or something)

My love for Lupin has given me the greatest friends and community I've had in my life, and I am so happy to share my passion and love for this character with them.

And golly, don't even get me STARTED on my art improvement ever since I got into Lupin III. I credit Monkey Punch for most of my art improvements but I also have to give Lupin credit because he is literally my muse. I feel like I can literally draw anything if I add him on there and I have made considerable strides in my human anatomy skills from how much I draw him. (A renaissance painting of Lupin III will be done one day, I promise.)

Chapter 5: Other Stuff!

Ugh, these are the stuff that I wanted to mention but Couldn't include in this rant because I am a bad writer. Please give me a break I wrote 80% of this in less than a day. I don't give a FUCK enough to make this look good im literally talking about my skrunkly, it doesn't need to sound like a peer reviewed essay written by a professional AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHH-

He's a bitch and an asshole, but he's KIND to his friends and children and you can really tell whenever he cares. And it's cute when he acts like a nice person for once.

Mental illness is also common in neurodivergent people and I really think he is one of them (Autism and ADHD specifically) Autism because he's socially awkward and acts like a FUCKING WEIRDO

seriously he really doesn't know how to talk to people normally.

ADHD because have you fucking seen that dude. I feel like his special interests are sex, crime and machinery because that's all he's good at doing, he'll probably never do anything he isn't interested in.

Bisexual king

Kind of trans-coded? please just read my genderfluid rambling to get more of the details.

It's so cute whenever he sticks his tongue out. he's so silly.

His whole thing of freedom being more like putting others down and controlling them is past me-core i am afraid

If it hasnt been clear to you, he's such a mess of an individual and I love it.

I have a feeling hes a bit of a tsundere and I like that, he feels like the type to be afraid of being actually emotionally vulnerable to others.

On that topic, he suffers so badly from toxic masculinity that its fascinating. he needs to be treated as a case study.

i forgot

Cool, handsome, wealthy, and so sexy

If i haven't mentioned something that I should've, I've likely touched on it in another post (ex. how lupin being a rapist is a good device to develop his personality)

i dont think ive gone a single day these past 2 years where i havent thought of him.

and yeah, that's it? Hopefully? This post was made for Lupin's second birthday, March 3rd! It's celebrated primarily by the japanese fanbase but I wanted to get this out because he is a character that means a lot to me and he deserves to be celebrated for two days! Maybe every day!!! Everyday is a Lupin day for me!!!!!!! Hooray!!

....

.........

............What?

What makes you think I like Lupin?

[mydarlingem]

ever since we met

guys we are SO BACK i bring gifts <3 didnt realize how much i would miss writing on here. currently working on rewriting old work and new stuff so i can get back to posting on a weekly basis. hope you have been well and enjoy!!

cw. sakusa kiyoomi eats pussy, what more could you need

wc. 1800

you met sakusa kiyoomi two years ago when he took over his father’s business. every monday and saturday at 4 pm, he knocked on the back door of your flower shop. big boxes filled with one the best flowers for you. it was also two years ago when you first opened the door for him that you realized you loved him. he was so sweet and kind, always taking time to ask about you and following up on events in your life. you figured he did this with everyone on his route. little did you know that your sweet kiyoomi did not ask questions about any of his other deliveries.

he was determined to get to know you, however long it took him. he knew the movies you saw, the terrible dates you went on, your favorite flowers and your least favorite customers. no detail was too small for him, because he did care about it all. he liked your passion for your work and your love for the people around you. ever since he knocked on that door monday at 4 pm two years ago he has loved you. he knows it crazy, and he can't rationalize it for the life of him but he knows it's the truth. he knows you probably don't reciprocate but god he can't help it.

“hey kiyoomi what did you bring for me today?” you say with a smiled as you prop open the door for him. the way you say his name makes him weak in the knees, he loves how comfortable you are around him. “besides my beautiful face, everything you had on your list and an extra case of snapdragons because i know you always run out by thursday.” he smiles at you and sets down the boxes. “you really are the best thank you” you say as you walk back over to the counter to continue cleaning roses. “how are you today my favorite florist?” he asks as he sets down the last three boxes in their designated spot. “busy and understaffed” you sigh. “glad to know things always stay the same around here” he smiles and hands you a clipboard for a signature.

he likes the way you sign your name, he can't explain it but it suits you. “you know you are the last delivery of the day, so is there anything i can do to help out?” he takes the clipboard back from you as you hold back from speaking for a moment. “i have so much to do are you sure?” you ask hoping it's not just pity. “i'm here for whatever you need” he says as he takes his hoodie off and sets his things down. you never realized how many tattoos he has, or how big his biceps were. maybe him staying was good for morale. “would mind cleaning some mums for me?” he nods and steps to the counter to start.

its quiet for a little, the silence isn't awkward though. you look over at him, he's so efficient. his hands are so perfect, how is he so perfect? his voice snaps you out of your trance. “how was that date you had last week?” he asks, not looking up from the flowers in his hands. “lets just say i won’t be seeing him again” you exhale softly, mentally pleading that the very attractive man across from you will not ask you to embarrass yourself further. kiyoomi laughs softly before speaking again, “i can't believe we have never hung out outside of work” he says as he continues to clean flowers. his heart was racing at this point, you made him so nervous he was hoping you couldn’t tell.

“i know it's so crazy! we have to do something soon” you say with a smile. “well what are you doing this weekend? there’s a new bar i want to check out and i’d love to take you.” “if i didn't know any better i would think you were asking me out on a date kiyoomi” you smile before looking up at him and making eye contact with him. “and what if i am?” he says still smiling, your cheeks were so hot, was he messing with you? “well i'd think you were joking” you say trying to control the tone of your voice. he sets his flowers down as he makes his way to the other side of the table where you stand with shaky hands.

“oh im dead serious pretty girl” he runs his hand along your jaw tilting your chin towards his face. he's smiling at you like you hung and the moon and stars just for him. hes so close all you can smell is his cologne, god did he always smell this good? you aren’t sure who leans in first but your lips touch and suddenly everything feels so right. hes holding your face in his hand but slowly becoming so desperate as he kisses you. the cold metal of his lip piercings feels so good against your lips. you can't seem to get enough of him and you wrap your arms around his neck. he taps your thighs as you wrap your legs around him, he gently sets you on the counter. he breaks away from the kiss breathless and rests his head against your shoulder “you're so perfect” he all but whimpers against the skin of your neck.

“i've wanted to kiss you for so long” you say as he kisses your neck, and you run your hands through his soft hair. he moans softly at the contact and lifts his head up to kiss you again. standing in between your thighs he wraps his hands around your waist, smiling into the kiss. he can't believe this moment is real, he can't believe he finally worked up the courage to to act on his feelings. the all too familiar jingle of the front door opening snaps the both of you out of your bliss. “fuck” you say as you hop off the counter, “hi ill be right there." you look back to kiyoomi “will you please stay i promise i'll be so quick”. he smiles “dont worry im not going anywhere sweetheart.” you smile and kiss him on the cheek before running off to the front.

this might be the happiest he’s ever been. you’re so soft and sweet and oh my god he loves how gentle you are with him. he loves the effect he has on you, in fact he may just never move from this spot in the hope that you kiss him like that again. “thank you have a great day” you chirp as your voice breaks him out of his trance. you appear into the doorway to the back of the door with a smile. “hi” you say as you make your way back over to him, “hi sweet girl” he wraps his arms around you again. “i close in about 30 minutes, will you come home with me?” you ask shocked by your own boldness. the way you are looking at him he thinks he might die. “god i'll be wherever you want me.” the effect you had on him was unreal. “let me drop off my truck and i'll be back in fifteen”, “be quick” you say as you twirl his hair with your fingers. have you always been this hot?

kiyoomi was convinced was losing his mind. he has never moved faster in his life. he doesn't even remember driving his motorcycle back to your shop. all he knew is that he was walking back into your shop with more determination than he's ever felt before. “hi handsome” you say as he drapes his body against yours. “almost done?” he asks as he kisses your cheek. “i have about fifteen minutes before i can go but i'm all done.” you turn to kiss him as he plays with the waistband of your jeans. the kiss is messy and hot, he felt weak in the knees. “i can think of a few things to pass the time” he says as he breaks away from the kiss.

you smile looking up at him, his face was flushed and you could help but be proud of the effect you had on him. “please let me eat you out” your jaw drops at his words. “here?” you ask and he grins “here” he says as he drops to his knees in front of you. you could finish from just looking at this beautiful large man on his knees in front of you. “god please” he's quick to unzip your pants and slide them down your legs. he places small kisses along your thighs as he moves to put your legs on his shoulders. he kisses you through your underwear and you whimper softly. sliding your underwear to the side he starts softly using his tongue, and puts a finger inside you as he continues.

you grip his hair and squeeze your thighs against his head as he quickened his pace. “harder” he whimpers into you and you squeeze harder. god his tongue piercing is incredible. you are getting close to finishing, and he can tell. he moans into you like this is pleasuring him just as much as it is you. “more kiyo” you moan out. he moves faster as he inserts another finger. the nickname could have made him cum in his pants. you are quickly approaching your high as you stutter out an “im close” he's moving faster than before, focused on you and only you. he's eating you out like a man starved, the cold metal of his piercing mixed with the warmth of his fingers had you seeing stars.

you moan his name as you finish and he cleans you up with his tongue. your legs were shaking as he stands up and licks the rest of you off of his slender fingers. “you're so incredible” you say as you wrap your arms around him and kiss him, the taste of you still on his tongue. “i've been dying to do that for two years” he says as he pulls away from you. “i love you kiyoomi” you say looking him in the eyes, "i've been dying to tell you that for two years" mustering the courage to confess everything to him. “god i love you” he says cupping your face in his hands as he kisses you again. “i love you i love you i love you” he says softly in between kisses. "ill spend forever making you feel it."

[mlm-mod-taka]

Hi there! I'm here to request a little something I've had bouncing around in my head a while and I feel like you'd do a great job at writing it! I'd like to request Taka, Gundham, Fuyu, and Kiyo with an S/O who's basically a giant compared to them and is suuuuuuper affectionate and friendly. Like the first time they met, the reader picked them up and basically swooped then into a hug raving about how adorable they are. You don't have to do it ofc, but if you agree to I CANNOT wait to see the

HAVING A BIG, AFFECTIONATE, FRIENDLY S/O • taka, gundham & fuyuhiko x gn reader

first off, i just want to say i am so sorry that you had to wait for so long, i just got back from my two year long break. second, im also sorry, however, i do not write for korekiyo, so i simply didn't include him. i do apologize for not asking if you wanted to replace him with another character, this request has been pending for so long that i decided against it. third, this is more a story in bullet point form than actual headcanons. despite all of this, i hope you can still enjoy this long awaited request.

tws/cws: yelling, cursing, threatening and violence. (mostly during fuyuhiko's part)

|| -> mod taka <3

at first, kiyotaka will admit that he was quite intimidated by you. seeing someone extremely taller than him isn't an everyday occurrence. yes, many other people were taller than him, but not by such a large degree, usually.

however, if he stood next to you, he'd seem like an overgrown child. so, naturally he was on-edge whenever you were near him, since you could probably easily beat him up if you wanted to.

but he had to remind himself that he was the ultimate moral compass! it doesnt matter how strong or large you are, he will discipline and scold you when it was needed. he will never back down from a fight when it comes to morals, even if he could easily lose that fight.

when you two first met, he decided to make the polite decision to introduce himself. once he was done with his maticulously-worded greeting, (that he had planned last night) he was expecting you to respond in a rude tone, filling the delinquent expectations that he had made of you based on your appearance in his head. but instead...

he was met with the biggest, tightest, and closest hug of his life. his first thought was to hug you back, which he was about to follow, until he remembered that you were in a public space and this would technically be considered as pda.

once he realized that revelation, he immediately pulled away from the hug, scolding you about touching people in public without permission. while your hug was extremely warm and welcoming, he forced himself to keep up his own rules.

you just stood there, very still while he gave you a lecture about being physically affectionate with someone you barely know. he also proceeded to go on a mini rant about the negative effects of pda, but you werent listening to any of it.

you were mainly just focused on how he seemed very passionate about keeping the peace, which made him look weirdly cute. people often look very adorable to you whenever they were talking about something they cared alot about, which is what ishimaru was currently doing.

you interrupted his planned speech about keeping ourselves civil, to compliment him about how cute he looked. taka immediately stopped in his tracks, looking at you like you just spoke a forbidden sentence.

"...pardon?" kiyotaka asked, but it sounded more like a flustered squeak he made out of surprise. you repeated your comment about him, watching his face slowly turn more red, realizing that you were being serious about what you said, and that you weren't mocking him like others do.

after the initial shock wore off, he reacted exactly how he expected you to, which was scolding you passionately again. however, it didn't sway your mind, he still looked very adorable to you while he was practically going teacher-mode on you because you called him "cute."

what you didnt expect, however, was what he said right when he finished telling you off. "thats all! i hope you have learned your lesson!... and while i don't agree with your methods of doing so, i do appreciate the compliment." he added the last part on with a rushed shout, then immediately left, trying to hide his red face from you.

from then on out, you actively seeked taka, and tried to befriend him, which he accepted. you still don't tone down your affectionate-ness and compliments at all, but he seems to be scolding you less and less. in fact, he seems like he anticipates them now, which makes you happy. little did you both know, that this friendship would lead to so much more.

gundham is the same as taka. he was intimidated by your large stature, and general... bigness. however, gundham tanaka is no coward, he will challenge anyone who dares compete against tanaka the forbidden one!

he walked up to you, with extreme confidence, and started his usual menacing speech about how he was a more powerful entity compared to you "mortals". before he could even finish the first sentence, you interrupted with a sentence that caught his " mighty" act off guard.

"aw, you're so adorable! like those hampsters that are on your shoulder! you're almost as cute as them!" were your first words to him. before his mind would even catch up to the strange sentences you just uttered to him, you grabbed him and pulled him into a bear hug.

gundham needed a solid few seconds to compose himself before he speaks at all. the devas are all squirming in his scarf, also caught by surprise from the strong hug you gave them. once he does process the situation enough to not look like a shocked puppy, he immediately starts thrashing in your large arms.

"release me from your armed trap at once, mortal!" he says in a mix of rage and panic. you quickly let him go, feeling a slight pain from how haphazardly he was moving in your grasp, and also because he didn't seem like he wanted to be hugged, if the sentence he spoke to you was anything to go by.

when he was released, the first thing he did after dusting himself off was restart his original speech of him being the supreme overlord of ice, but this time, he added that you are a very bold human for having the gal to touch someone so "highly superior" with such carelessness.

...or something along those lines. you weren't sure. your ears were only processing a muddled version of a few of the words he was saying, the rest was a blur. mainly because you weren't really paying attention to what he was going on about, you were just focusing on the cute, confident look on his face. along with the cute hamsters resting cozily in his scarf.

gundham stopped talking once he realized that you weren't looking him in the eye, or even anywhere near his face. you were staring at his neck, so he looked down to see his friends, then shot a sharp glaze at you after realizing why you weren't paying attention to his great speech.

"why are you looking at the dark devas of destruction, mortal? rather than listening to the words im gracing you with? you are not worthy to be in their presence, or mine." he continued death glaring at you, crossing his arms while waiting for your answer to his question.

"oh- im sorry... my lord? i was just admiring how cute and fuzzy the... dark devas? looked!" you gave the hamsters a small wave while speaking. you didn't know why he was speaking strangely and giving his pets such uncommon nicknames, but you didn't mind. you thought it was a little cute, actually.

of course, gundham was used to the compliments towards the devas. however, he wasn't taking the adjectives "cute" and "fuzzy" very well. they were evil! they were his partners in crime! how dare you call them such belitting names? before he could scold you again, you quickly swept the rug from under him again.

you quickly butted in, and started unconsciously showering him in compliments. calling him well-spoken, cool, dressed nicely, had cool hair, handsome, and such. you also added how his voice was very pleasant to listen to, and that his eyes were very expressive and clear.

as the flattering statements added on and on, he got more and more flustered. his slight stuttering from being caught off guard by the first two quickly because full-on sputtering with his face almost becoming as red as mahirus hair.

before you could make him even more speechless, he took the very little confidence he had left to attempt to make his usual "super big and bad evil" goodbye statement, but a very shortened and messy version escaped his lips instead, with him quickly scattering away before more of his pride was taken away by your giant cursed goodness.

while you were left confused as to why he left so suddenly, you quickly bid him adieu, continuing on with your day in hopes that you two would meet again, and maybe, just maybe, you would get along with each other.

little did you know that he was secretly plotting your demise for daring to treat him like that, muttering his evil plans to the dark devas, feeling that he needed to avenge them because of how you described them as if they weren't his wicked subordinates!

...deep down though, he would be lying if he said he wasn't looking forward to seeing your large, smiley self again. you were one of the few people who didn't scrutinize his personality, and he greatly appreciates it. maybe, when you acknowledge how truly devious he was, then, you could be acquiantances. or something deeper than that.

lets be honest, fuyuhiko would really really dislike you when he first meets you. he has this ideology that people who are positive and kind are fooling him, trying to catch him off guard and trap him with their fake happiness. given his family and who he is, he was taught to be skeptical of almost everyone, so it wasn't much of a surprise when he was skeptical towards you.

everytime you even attempted to get near him, he either yelled at you to back or else he'd shank you, or peko would step in, quickly telling you to leave with her hands already on her sword handle in case you try to push it.

you would try for weeks to even have a slight chance of talking to him, because he is the only person out of your class that you haven't had a personal connection with. heck, you even started to have a slight bond with peko when she wasn't busy protecting fuyuhiko!

if you were being honest, you were genuinely starting to give up on having him warm up to you. you knew that no matter how hard you try, some people will still find ways to dislike you. you thought that this would be one of those unfortunate cases, and you were on the edge of accepting it.

until that one night. you were having trouble sleeping, and nothing seemed to be working. you knew that it was probably too late for anyone to be awake right now, so you decided to take an evening stroll around the school. maybe the walking would tired you out.

you walk out of your dorm, only to see kuzuryu starting absent mindedly at the stars in the late night sky. he looked so... at ease. the sound of a door opening and footsteps started him, and his attitude quickly did a 180, turning aggressive.

"what the hell are you doing sneaking up on me like that?! are you gonna try to fool me again, huh? with your fake smiles and over-the-top hugs?" he yelled, paying no mind to the fact that it was 4am, and he could wake someone up.

you reassured him that you weren't going to hurt him, but to be honest, you were hurt at the accusation that it was fake. you wanted to speak your feelings, but you felt like that would make him more on edge, so you just ignored that hurt for now.

disregarding your word, he told you to stay far away from him, pointing at the very end of the balcony he was leaning against. you did what you were told, not wanting to agitate him further. to be honest, this is probably the nicest he's been to you so far. usually, he'd just tell you to fuck off, so you weren't about to let this rare opportunity to talk to him slip pass you.

after a few moments if silence, you decided to ramble a bit, maybe that'll warm him up to you. you talked about everything you could, random stuff you thought of, all the way to deep philosophical conversations that would make you ponder at night.

fuyuhiko didn't look like he was listening, if anything, he looked as if he was spacing out and using you as a white noise machine. however, that was better than his usual response of him threatening you, so you kept going.

eventually, he said something, cutting you off mid-rant. "you know, you don't have to keep up the act right now." "what do you mean?" "i know you're lying, just admit it to my face so you can stop using all your energy trying to convince me you're a good person."

ouch, that stung. but, this is the longest he's talked to you in private, you couldn't let this go. "well, what if i told you it wasn't a lie?" you smiled at him. "bullshit. no one is ever that positive or nice."

"well, i am. and i'll prove it to you if you'll let me!" "pffft. yeah right. do you just want me to believe that someone as big as you isn't a secret spy or assassin? don't even try."

"im not. i can prove it to you." you were so close. he was talking to you, he was actually talking to you! you would have preferred if the conversation was more positive, yes, but he was talking to you! you were getting somewhere!

"really?" he paused, you could see his eyebrows slightly furrow in thought. "fine, since these other students are making things boring as hell, i'll let you prove it to me."

...it was that easy? all you had to do was say that you were willing to prove it at a balcony when it was 4am? it was a bit anti-climactic, but hey, you weren't complaining. "great! you won't regret this!" you walked to hug him before he put his tough guy act on again.

"don't. touch. me. i said i'd let you prove it to me, not use me as a personal cuddle bear. with how different we look, i think you'd crush me." "ah, not much of a hugger? sorry, i get it. should've asked first."

he yawned. "yeah you should've. anyways, i'm hitting the sack. kill me in my sleep and ill haunt you forever." fuyuhiko spoke as he walked back to his dorm room.

"i won't!" you replied, waving him goodbye. you know it was small progress, but you're getting somewhere. you'll definitely gain his trust.

[reallychaoticwoo]

Hi love✨

I don’t know if you have written this before but could you write a fic of how ot8 react to you being a virgin and specifically saving yourself just for them ??

⛓️ Heya! I'm not doing full fics atm but heres a quick drabble for ya!(: I hope you enjoy!⛓️

✨️ Worthy ✨️

❤️Pairing: Ateez x reader

⚠️Warnings: cussing, suggestiveness, fluff🖤

‼️This is purely for entertainment purposes and does not represent the idols in any way‼️

🖤Sorry i didnt go into too much detail, if youd like a smuttier version let me know! This is just the reaction not so much the "action" lol. Hope you enjoy and thank you for your support🖤

If you enjoyed this, you can find my full masterlist Here

"I just took that bdsm test I've been seeing going around, and it turns out I really am a brat!" Wooyoung said with a huge chuckle as he plopped himself down on the far end of the couch. "We could've told you that, Woo. You really didn't need to take a test." San ruffled the younger man's hair sporting a sly grin. Wooyoung just rolled his eyes and replied with a huff, "Well, it turns out I'm also a switch, which means I'm not always a brat, so HA!"

"You know I've been wanting to take that test myself." Hongjoong added into the conversation nonchalantly. "I'd be interested to know what it says about me as well." Seonghwa was the next to pipe in. It wasn't long before the entire group was talking about what they thought the others results of the test would be. Everyone wanted to take a guess before taking the actual test to see how close they all got.

Yup, this was your Friday night. Hanging out with the chaotic group of friends you acquired many years ago. You wondered how long they'd keep up this conversation. It's not like you were well versed on the topic. You knew some stuff, obviously, but you'd never actually done any of it, so you decided to just stay quiet. That is, until they noticed.

"What about you y/n? What do you think our results would be?" Mingi asked, looking at you with an adorably shy yet confident smile on his face. "Uh.. um.. I mean, Woo being a brat sounds right, I guess. I think San would probably be into whatever keeps brats from being bratty. Hongjoong seems like he would be sweet, I suppose. Hwa could be mean or sweet.. um.. Yeo.. idk about Yeo.." Before you could finish, Yunho sat down beside you and gave you the most puzzled look.

"Do you not - Do you not know anything about bdsm?" He cocked his head to the side like a puppy trying to figure out what a new sound was. "Uhm.. no.. not really. Is that a bad thing?" Looking down, fiddling with you thumbs, you felt Yunho lean back against the couch, a soft giggle escaping his lips. "No, not really a bad thing. Just surprised. You didn't strike me as a vanilla." You shot him a questioning look. "It means lame in bed." Wooyoung butted in unable to contain his laughter at your 'lameness'.

Hwa was the next to move spots sitting down on the other side of you. "So what do you know then?" You thought to yourself for a moment, trying to decide if now was the time you'd be telling them you were still a virgin. You'd managed to keep it under wraps this long, but all things must come to an end eventually. "I mean, I know how sex works, obviously. I know some people like it more rough than others and all that. I just don't know all the extra stuff, considering I've never tried anything." The look on all of their faces was utter confusion, and maybe a bit of shock.

San leaned forward, turning his head to face you, "What do you mean you've never tried anything? Like just crazy stuff or like actually anything?" There was no stopping the racing in your chest right now, nor the blush that was prominent on your cheeks. "I mean anything aside from like figuring or handjobs." Why did you just tell them that they didn't need to know. Of course, they were your best friends, so it's not like this is an abnormal conversation for the group.

"Are you.. have you.." Yeosang started to ask. "Yes, I'm still a virgin." You sighed. You were sure your face was so red right now it could be a neon sign. You felt like you were gonna puke, or maybe cry, or you weren't even sure, but you were so beyond embarrassed right now. "AWWWWW little baby y/n has never had any dick??" If looks could kill Wooyoung would be dead in his spot with the look you just shot him.

Finally joining, Jongho, of course, had to be the one to ask, "Is there like a reason? Are you saving yourself for marriage, or is it religious? We've known you for years, and you never striked me as someone who'd put a lot of importance on the matter." Of course, they all already knew you weren't really religious, but that didn't mean you didn't have your reasons.

"I have been saving myself but not for like religious reasons or anything." You knew what was coming next. You were shaking in your spot, praying the two men next to you couldn't feel the fact you were basically having a personal earthquake next to them. Hongjoon was quick with the follow-up. "So what are you saving yourself for exactly?" You felt like he just knew your answer. Something about the look in his eyes said he'd caught on to why you hadn't let anyone else have you. You knew that was unrealistic, but you also knew this man caught onto everything. There was no hiding it anymore.

"If I tell you, but you have to promise not to laugh at me, or freak out, or just anything. Okay?" They all nodded, a few okays, some hums. "Okay, here goes nothing, I guess.. I've been saving myself for you.. all of you.. I know that's kind of stupid, considering we're all just friends, but I guess since I'm already telling you guys my secrets tonight, you should know I like you as more than friends too." If you could shrink into yourself at that moment, you would. You hid your face behind your hands, praying they'd just let that be that, and you could all pretend it never happened. Of course you weren't that lucky.

Feeling two sets of arms wrapping around you, you forced yourself to peek out from behind your hands. The whole room was the most silent they all have ever been. Their faces a mix of shock and some other emotion you couldn't quite figure out. "I-I can't tell you how happy we are to hear that." Seonghwa all but whispered as he held onto you tighter. Yunho nodded into you back, agreeing with his arms around you as well.

"Do you know how long we've been holding in our feelings for you, y/n?" Hongjoong asked, his eyes a little glassy. All you could manage was to shake your head in response. "We've been wanting you for years.. We just never said anything because we were worried that having eight men tell you they want you in every way possible would have you running for the hills." You laughed. You laughed loudly and uncontrollably at his statement. The look of confusion and hurt on his face had you trying to reply quickly through your laughter. "Any normal sane girl, yeah, probably would run for the hills. But I've been in love with every single one of you for years now, and to be honest, I couldn't imagine a life without all of you in it."

Wooyoung stood up and made his way behind the couch to where you were sitting. He leaned forward to wrap his arms around your shoulders, pulling you back into him. "Well, luckily for everyone we all won't have to be without each other ever again. Now, with that being said, I'd love to go first and teach you a thing or two. I promise I'll be nice." With a cheeky wink and a Cheshire grin, he leaned forward to lay a sultry kiss to your jaw before nibbling at your ear.

[mstrickynici]

Welp, time to replay Veilguard.

Maybe I'll like it more the second time.

I did enjoy it, but also dislike so much of it. It was mostly fun while playing it, but kinda leaves a bad tastes afterward. If it wasn't a DA game I'd probably love it.

Many people already wrote paragraphs about it though, so this is just personal rambling.

Gotta admit, I hate the "Illuminati" - evil forces orchestrating everything in the dragon age universe- secret ending slide with a passion I didnt know I had.

Why? Why write that? Whose idiot idea was that? Way to go ruining all of the previous games and their villains retrospectively!

It's something I absolutely didn't like about veilguard either. Just how every bad guy, plot, and personal quest had to have the evanuris involved in some way. Like everything. There wasn't a single quest not tied to them being responsible or a driving force, it's maddening.

They changed how the blight works. The blight!

It was the scariest thing in the entire franchise. It's incurable, if it doesnt kill you, you become a darkspawn, exposure can be enough to get it, if it gets in a wound you WILL BE infected, any land it's touched and corrupted is uninhabitable and dead for centuries, if not millennia.

Now you get a "blighted" status if you step in it. Oopsie, stepped in some blight, tee hee :3

It's not a fucking status effect!!!

I actually though the first time that happened there'd be story consequences, that I got blighted. But no, just a pop up.

I dont even wanna start on the "southern thedas is basically gone" shit they did either. Other people wrote better about that than I ever could.

Just... everything feels so disrespectful to the previous games and player choices.

It did make me want to replay Origins, 2 and Inquisition again, just to wash away any bad vibes.

[faerghusfucker]

If you don't mind me asking then I'd like to ask 1, 2, 3, 7, 8 and 23 for Felix.

omg ive been having a felix moment recently you literally read my mind ive been wanting to yap abt him for a SECOND.

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

i love felix so so much and it's for so many reasons but the thing that rlly took him from "hey this guy's pretty cool" to "MY DARLING SON" for me was three hopes. NOW HEAR ME OUT. i know they softened him a lot in hopes but it was for a good reason because rodrigue put the role of duke on him SUPER young (why did he do that again????) and kind of forced him to take on this super diplomatic/political role that he fully didnt want to. seeing how he changes when he's forced to suck up his feelings about dimitri and about politics and knights is so so cool to me bc like. he's literally following directly in his father's footsteps and he STILL doesn't understand him. they STILL have that rift in their relationship unless you get their (DEVASTATING) A support. any time felix has a moment of vulnerability i scream and die and cry about it for years and years and hopes gave me so much of those. especially in the paralogue where he cries abt his brother a lil bit aaaaAAAAAAAA

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

his DESIGN. i've yapped so extensively abt felix's haircut and his character design. i need to draw him again asap bc the first time i drew him and posted him on here it was rlly ugly lol. justice for felix i hope the modern design i'm cooking makes up for him being a lil fuckass rn

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

i have two for this one. first one is him being friends with ingrid (this makes sense story-wise i'm just an ingrid hater). second is that in the games they don't explore his relationship with the tragedy of duscur in any explicit way as much as they do with dimitri and ingrid. i feel like in every other ingrid support she has to bring up glenn, and obviously it makes sense for dimitri and ingrid to still be grieving their best friend and fiance respectively, but glenn was felix's BROTHER and yet everyone treats ingrid like she was the most affected by his death and it pisses me offfff.

i do like the subtle indications of the effect his brother dying had on him though. i love seeing him get super upset whenever people protect him in battle (glenn joked abt being a human shield for dimitri in his one letter in hopes) and i love him being upset whenever people compare him to glenn or try to have a sibling relationship with him. also now that i'm writing this i'm realizing that it DOES make sense for someone as closed off as felix to never rlly express his grief in any specific way but. im greedy i wanna see my son upset

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

make my favorite felix ship popular lol. the sylvix tag might be the one i scroll through the most i love it so much. i eat up almost any felix ship but sylvix is my otp and just my favorite ship in the game

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

i feel like i answer this question the same every time and it's MISCHARACTERIZE HIM. i know it's super easy to dumb felix down into the tsundere trope but he's NOT just a tsundere he's actually super cool and awesome and well written CRIES

23. Favorite picture of this character?

i actually have a few lol. i’m rlly bad at the expedition minigame in three hopes so whenever i get a perfect one i spam screenshots super hard, both out of excitement and also because having the character’s face follow the camera (and the camera not having a fisheye-like perspective warp) makes for really pretty and draw-able screenshots that also look like candids.

some examples

one of these is actually the banner for my blog lol hopes felix is my babygirl thanks for another opportunity to yap abt him. sorry if im a lil incoherent im feelin pretty sick but we ball

[onskepa]

Hey there, you've been writing good stuff so I thought I'd leave an ask.

Maybe a headcannon on Na'vi having favorite humans? Like Ikran riders have favorite pilots or healers like discussing healing with doctors/scientists? Like yeah humans are weird but my favorite human is clearly great and it's ironically the same among humans?

Hello there! Thank you for requesting and enjoying what I write. This is actually a nice idea, hopefully this is good for everyone to enjoy!

-----------------------------

All as one

The loyal humans that stayed after the war had much to learn and adapt to their new home. Without the continuing outside resources, the humans had to be VERY creative in means to survive.

One of the things they were very grateful to have left behind was the many machines and other stuff. Metals were recycled and machines broken down to be reused for other purposes.

Since the human base wasn't that far to where the village was at, it was all too common now for the humans to assist the na'vi in reconstructing their home.

The relationship between na'vi and humans at first was wary and very tense. Not all na'vi trusted the remaining humans, still traumatized of the attacks, the killings, the lose of their people.

With the help of jake, things were slowly becoming normal. As normal as it can get.

As many people were injured, healers were much needed. And even then, there weren't enough to heal everyone. That is where the medical scientists came in. Basically doctors.

Of course not many were very welcoming to the humans, thinking of the worse especially with technology the na'vi cant understand.

Took some convincing but the doctors were able to heal more of the na'vi and at a faster paste. Better than the na'vi healers.

Surprisingly, it didnt create jealousy but rather the healers were impressed. And piqued their interest.

The healers and the doctors were the first to step aside their obvious differences and get to know each other. Learn from one another.

The healers taught the doctors their ways of healing, what plants to use, which herb is used for what, the materials, what healing method to use for a certain injury. The paste, the tools, all of that. And the doctors ate up all the information and began to use the na'vi style of healing.

But also, the doctors showed the healers some technology use of medical practices should in case the injured person is too far from the healing tent or the person doesn't have enough medical herbs to heal.

The information exchanged moved from skills to general life questions.

And they weren't the only ones to get along.

Warriors and soldiers. Now they were an interesting pair.

Both trained to fight in the front lines. Both went through horrendous trainings to get to where they wanted, up most loyalty to their people. Knows the ins and outs in a battle field. Willing to die for others.

When those two groups got to know one another, they learn both humans and na'vi aren't so different in those perspectives.

And much like the healers with the doctors. Both the soldiers and warriors would exchange information of how to use different weapons.

The humans showing possible weak spots on their armor and machines, where to hit and what weapons the na'vi use.

And all in between, the normal human workers and the local na'vi also come together as means to balance out one another. Share personal stories, interests, hobbies and a keen friendship

The union was definitely one of the centuries to remember. The communal dinners became bigger and more lively. The soldiers did their part of the hunt thus bringing in more meat and more spices, herbs, fruit, all of that.

There is never a night that isn't boring with the humans. Now seen as their brothers and sisters at arms. Seen as family.

The humans are part of the clan and part of the ever thriving tribe. Part as one, and as one with the people.

And that is it with this one! Hope you all like it! Until next time! see ya!

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Hi,

I see you finished Monster and are quite versed in Johan. Can you help me understand the depth of his character better? I feel like many people miss the point of it. Also I'd like to know why you like him so much.

Oh, there is so much to say about him but i will try to make it short as possible.

Lets Talk About Johan;

First of all, i heard his character as some 'evil' mastermind so i wasnt really interested in his character until i experience the story by myself. I wondered why this series is popular so i decided to give a chance. I tought Johan was like Afo (from Bnha) but he turn out to be a lot like Shigaraki lol.

What makes a character depth is if they are not one-dimensional, that there is a more than how they seem from surface. And Johan fits well since he is mysterious character who is seen as angel, monster, devil, basically anything but human but they end up failing to understand him because if he was so simple, police would've catch him a long time ago.

At the start of series, he seems like your usual dangerous serial killer which fits the psychological thriller theme of story. And one of the best thing in series is his connection with Tenma. A doctor saves his life and this dangerous killer starts to view him as parent figure. A killer who see no worth in life and the doctor who thinks every life is equal, especially saving Johan is the reason he starts to to be able to live his life as a real doctor. Only to learn the child whom he saved turn out to be serial killer.

Tenma feels responsible for this and goes to journey to kill Johan. During this journey, we aldo discover some hints of what made Johan the way he is. The irony is we get the hints and a lot of characters perspective of him, everyone except Johan.

Is his messages about 'the monster inside of him' serious or not? Tenma assumes Johan is enjoying this at first, then he assumes Johan has multiple personality disorder. And later when he talked with other doctor, he assumes Johan is just playing with him because thats what most serial killers do with police. This is interesting because all of those end up being wrong. Johan doesnt enjoy from killing people. Johan doesnt have DID. Johan didnt write those messages to play with them. We know this because we later learn that he is unconciously imitate the fairytale stories he read as child.

Meanwhile, he has fanclub. A lot of murderers admire Johan because they view him as destruction Buddha. Just like others, he is seen as monster but why though? Its not like he is the only killer in the world. And personally, a lot of characters are more 'evil' than him so the thing about Johan is; he treats human life as nothing. Not just other people but also himself. Thats what makes him so scary to everyone. He doesnt even do it out of joy, money, statue. He looks like the devil in human form. He spreads misery to world. (Thats why he burns library when they said "its humanity's treasure" LoL.)

To people, that is scary. When they look at Johan, his eyes, the see someone who has no identity (nameless world). They see someone who treats life like as a game. Which explains why many people are afraid of him.

Some also want to use him, such as they want him to make second Hitler and he is like 'Nope'.

I think the main reason i love Johan is that he is like a magician. He can create a beautifull illusion. He is someone who can touch people's hearths because how well he understands them. Which is why he is seen as angel when people dont know he kills people.

This is also why he can use other killers for himself. He can see their vulnerabilities. Because even a killer is still human and they might need acceptance, to be understood by someone. Johan can give it to them. And they wish they were like Johan because they think everything would be a lot easier for them to kill others, like some kind of edgy teens. They fail to understand the person they want to be is extremely miserable.

On other hand, Johan can use his skills with curing people. Such as him waking Suk's mother, he made her remember her son again. Though he does things with ulterior motives, same skills can be used for good things. He can make people happy or miserable by little things. With a little magic or just skill.

And even though he is villain, he has very relaxing voice. He is very elegant. He listens other people. This fits perfectly well with his manipulative character.

We also never know when he is sincere or not because when you think he doesnt he actually seem to care, such as when he cried for Karl. Apperantly, tears were real. He is always in his world, its so funny when you think about he is some kind of mastermind.

Also his interaction with kids is so interesting. I think he geniuely enjoys being around them. Otherwise, why would he bother to spend time with them, why would he know so much about child's rights, why would he look for picture book for a friend? This is the same guy who encourage kids to rooftop game (and the scene where he was projecting on Milos) which is messed up. It gives me chills. His nihisilism, him viewing life as game end up resulting him expressing love as twisted.

----

Later, everything changes when Johan finds certain book in library. Basically, Johan's character doesnt necessarely stay same during the series. He changes his motives from unconciously imitating nameless monster stories to find actual monster who ruined his life. Even though he does messed up things, everything about his character makes sense with that scene. Johan geniuely believed that he is nameless monster. Johan geniuely believed that he doesnt exist.

Everything about him makes sense because it explains why he doesnt think death as much of it. Because if someone doesnt exist, they cant be killed. If someone doesnt exist, they cant be responsible for killings. He is detached from reality. Its not that he didnt feel. Its that he doesnt view it as real the way other people does. Because Johan isnt there. This is the tragedy of Johan's story. He doesnt have name. He doesnt have identity. He feels as he doesnt exist.

The famous 'monster' tape everyone after is about a child unable to see the difference between fairytale story and reality. 'My name is Johan. My name is Thomas. My name is Hans. My name is Otto.' He is them but he is neither of them. Johan views Anna as his half, as Anna is the real one and he is fake copy. He killed people as child, not because he is evil but because he geniuely thought that monster is coming after them. He cant even separate his own memories from Anna's. He takes all bad memories both to protect Anna and other reason is to become someone. He wanted to have identity, he wanted to live so bad but he didnt have on his own so he took it from others, just like the nameless monster.

This is also why Johan is also affected by Tenma's saving him. He probably wondered Tenma wouldnt save him, if he knew he was monster. He was kinda right because Tenma regretted his decision but he was wrong because Tenma couldnt shoot him and he saved him the second time. He showed him that he has right to live, he has right to exist, and that he has a name so he is not monster. This is why Johan can open up his worst insecurities. And they really give father-son energy and i think thats cute. I am glad that even after years Tenma visists him at hospital.

And we can guess what happened at the end thanks to Grimmer (one of the characters who deserves better), 'The monster become human at the end'. and Lunge said that if he were not a human being, he would not leave a trace, only humans leave a trace. For the first time we see Johan leave his mark. So Johan is no longer a monster, just a human. Also, his real name doesnt matter, he is Johan to us/all.

I love the messages of story. There is a monster inside all of us, but we can contain/heal it and after all, we are all human, our lives are equally valuable and stealing a person's name is the biggest crime, so having a name is very important. Story still has certain writing issues but generally, it is good story. Johan is well written character because his story is such a journey. We cant even really appreaciate the story without fully understand Johan. Every scene he is in meaningfull. And personally, i think his story is very empathic because of how tragic he is. Also sometimes he looks so funny and weird which makes him entertaining. He is such a good character.

Though you are right, anon. Many people still misinterpret the story, especially his character but anyway, there are still people who makes great analysis about him. Such as this analysis made by @cyanogoth.

Its ironic that most/some main villains have the most interesting and sempathic backstories, even though they are supposed to be 'big evil' or something but in reality, they are not really.

Anyway, he is fun to think about, i love him, lol.

[quailxcrossing]

Im not done

I know when i started working on rveive a lot of people thought it was gonna be some big encompassing atory with all 200 something characters and its not, when revive started it was really only like 5 characters and thats the story im here to tell. Im so sorry my names are confusing, if i had been smarter I would've branded the world as like, zuistone or something (i mean i can still but ehhheeeheheeeeeeaaaa)

But its fine i just. Oooooigughhhh i lov caius etcetera imogen kennedy so much. Caius etcetera kennedy and leah are like. This little box in my mind they all mirror each othwr. Etcetera and Leah are honestly (can i teust u) they are not major pov characters they do not show up to share their Thoughts. Very much. Its from caius and Kennedy's perspectives and they couldn't be more different but exactly the same. Theyre both incredibly isolated externally but they aggravate it themselves. They are uncomfortable around people but crave it like without it is a wound in their chest. They both can count their friends on one hand. They have the exact opposite view on the world in the exact same way. They think so similarly but neither of them could ever understand the other's experience without cracking their head like an egg. Caius is a housecat who needs everything in order while Kennedy is a deer seconds away from slamming their head into a semi. They could've been best friends but never would've found the circumstances. Theyre perfect i hate them i love this story i love these characters . I want you to come here and learn about them. This story i know it from back to front. We're just in the setting up point we're gonna get there

Also This story appears to be me working through grief but thats not entirely true. Ultimately its April 16th that is my feelings of grief after a sudden yet incredibly slow death of a loved one. Upon reading reviviscence i hope the themes will be personal to each and everyone and if thats about grief then I'd be overjoyed but to me, I've been writing this story about loneliness. I wrote it in 2020 when i was going through my late autism and adhd discovery and finally understanding everything wrong. When the years ifof loneliness caught up to me and i realized how much I had now and the people i care for and i am cared for. But also how much i didnt have. Many o caius's experiences are pulled directly from my life (through a veil) A story about being fucked up in the head. And its just started. And i love it so much. I love caius and etcetera theyve made me better and theyre gonna countuie to make me better. And gayer. And hopefully love myself more

[mer-acle]

Howdy! (< You would think I started saying this because I'm an American but It actually came from asgore undertale hsgshsj)

1, Read the post you made about Athenas law stuff, and you could just have it be that Athenas an overachiever and reads ahead in the books so to speak; in that she studies law things on the side before she gets taught them in class so she can be prepared early. This would probably happen if she finishes work early in a class, like she got done with her assignments and has a half hour to kill so she continues teaching herself law stuff instead of just relaxing for a minute. Or she learns stuff when she has time off "for fun" (<kinda reminds me of one of my friends, who taught herself trigonometry over a 4 day weekend for fun, but she actually likes math because whenever I make a friend it's usually the most neurodivergent person in the room, {<aka the only person who understands me properly} sooo. Not quite Athena Ig)

2, I would help with figuring out school stuff, but I am not old enough to be in college yet, and new Mexico is rated 50 in the country for education, so I'm not the best source I suppose. It's ranked 50 for pre k - 12 but higher for higher education, cus college is decently good here actually, not like I'd know from experience tho. It's also ranked 50 for public safety and internet access :D, yippee /sarc our highest ranking is a 4 though, because we have very little pollution evidently. :]

3, I feel like I would probably not have learned anything as a child if I didn't like learning, cuz I taught myself probably at least half of what I know (which is why I know far too many nature facts and far too little about stuff like how to take care of a home, or how to find the area of a circle. No clue what a cosine means cuz I did not care enough to learn about that properly, but I can tell you like 30 facts about flamingos)

4, With the whole history thing it reminded me of something. I remember back in middle school I would procrastinate on quite a few assignments, and I would actually spend a long time watching YouTube videos that were pretty educational. Instead of doing my math work I would be watching a video on the Irish potato famine or something with my headphones in, because I didnt want to cause problems in class or anything, I just couldn't focus. I got good grades back then because it would get to be like the day before a project was due, and I would just get it all done at once, turn it in, and apparently do good work when I'm panicking and doing an entire assignment at far-too-late-o'clock, but nowadays I don't get good grades. Because. My brain throws hammers at me when I exist, so I use up all my daily "being functional points" on doing things like eating food and generally appearing like a person and not a stressed out bedraggled coyote someone just dragged in from a rainstorm. So its possible Athena also did that kinda thing, and was learning history in class when she wasn't supposed to, or if she was either a better student than me/ too scared of consequences, she would just do that after she got all her work done.

(4.1, side note, one of the channels I watched was extra credits, specifically their extra history series, it's good :] recently I was watching their series on the only woman to be empress in China {<it mightve been a different country in Asia, can't quite remember, it's been like a week or 2} and it's very dramatic, lots of intrigue and stuff, feels like a soap opera almost)

5, I've got some owl related stuff that I kinda wanna share, but I also have other stuff i need to do rn so I'll write about that tomorrow probably. A lot of it applies to actually-a-goddess Athena too, so that's fun, I'm talking about her outside the modern au :>

6, Happy Easter! Do they have Easter in Germany? If it exists over there I wonder if the traditions are any different. I'm pretty sure once I saw a post which said that peeps aren't A Thing outside america, and people were Horrified about them, and it's kinda interesting heheh.

(6.1, man thinking about peeps made me think about marshmallows generally, and then s'mores, and apparently y'all don't have those because y'all don't have graham crackers, and that honestly kinda sucks cus they're really good. Ares and Athena making s'mores together would be fun. Whether they're making them over like, an actual campfire, or making sucky s'mores using the microwave/maybe stove in their apartment. You could probably make s'mores with peeps now that I think about it, but I don't think that would taste as good

7, another long ask, but because I saw a different post where an asker numbered the stuff and it made it easier to answer, I numbered the paragraphs c:,. If you wanna be we can be weird online friends :D, sorry that I'm a cryptid who scurries around in the leaf litter of the internet like a tenrec instead of talking to people like a well adjusted human being. The ordeal of being known is mortifying after all :V!

-🌻 (my Easter was kinda sucky, this morning I just kinda awkwardly sat next to my breakfast for like 2 hours instead of eating it because the concept of putting the nice food that I enjoy into my mouth was not something my brain could get behind evidently, so I just put it in the fridge, then I went to IHOP with my family. And proceeded to sit there in the car as my parents argued while we sat outside waiting for like 25 minutes cuz apparently everyone wants to go to IHOP on Easter for some reason. I mean something that's interesting is that it snowed recently even through it's the middle of April. {Our seasons are hot, actually predictably nice going into chilly, cold and sad and grey and dry, and chaos/mud} but today it was like 60° out {16~C} and while I was sitting in the parking lot I could see the air wigging from heat above the cars in front of us, with snow on the mountains in the background. Kinda weird! Neat. The snow sticks around on the mountains cuz they're colder than the basin that Albuquerque sits in, due to being higher up. And the temperature can range so drastically cuz there's barely any humidity and NM generally is very high in altitude, so the sun can blast us and heat things up very fast, but the air doesn't retain heat so it also cools down really fast. Also the lowest altitude I'm regularly at is when I'm in Albuquerque, which is like 5000 something feet in the air, and the highest city in Germany is like 3000 feet in the air, so assuming you're in a city and not at the peak of a mountain or something, I'm at least 2000 feet above you at any given moment. Be very afraid /lh >:3)

Gods this ask is long and I went on tangents about me and the place I live in so often (I actively stopped and googled stuff for research purposes augh) I'm sorry ':D anyways farewell :2

Greetings and salutations 😉 (Yeah this is not a german greeting lmao)

Ohh yes you would definitely do that I just think that she would not be comfortable with calling herself a law student anyway because imposter syndrome, I think it's far more likely Ares would be like “my sister the law student” and Athena would always correct him. (Neurodivergent people just get it it is true, what's one supposed to do?) But yeah I totally see her preparing for law school in that way and increasing her workload even though that should not be even possible because she also has a job O.O

Ah, You know I go to college and I barely know how it works lol  obviously I go to college in Germany but at the same time I also don't know how German college works XD Thing is that Germany is divided into different states not quite unlike the US and all of the education systems are completely different so if somebody was like so how is school in Berlin I would be like I have no idea if they have schools /silly

So real tho. I was way too anxious about school so I kept up with classes pretty well but I cannot tell you what a cosine is it’s been like 5 years since I graduated lol

*ADHD has entered the chat* in school I used to be pretty punctual about my assignments like I would not do them super early but not super late either and I didn't have to study a lot (which is why my father still calls me lazy to this day even though an A is an A no matter how much you have to study for it… anyway) college I have totally adopted the “we pass we win” mindset because I cannot do anything more than that, so I feel you. I remember learning about the spoon thing with how many functional points you have available per day last year when I was in my internship and I was like there is no way that work is only 4 spoons out of 12 I am dying over here. Still applies honestly. Virtual hug <33  I firmly believe that Athena was the kind of person to read history books in her dorm room after class because well she already had the nerd image, there was no saving it now, might as well.

Owl stuffff

Thank you, to you as well :D Yes Easter is a thing in Germany. I don't know much about the traditions in other countries or honestly even in other families from mine, but we have egg hunt, chocolate, and the Easter bunny. There's also a more openly religious tradition where you make a lamb-shaped cake in reference to Jesus but that depends on how religious your family is ig. Peeps are indeed not a thing here please don't kill me XD They look adorable though. Hey candy that might be more unique to Easter in Germany might be these fondant eggs, they're just pure sugar I used to love them but my current pack is still half-full lmao.  For my family specifically we all come together on Easter and my grandma makes this buffet of food (insert me looking for a translation for it) uhhh so it’s nothing cooked, just bread and stuff to put on the bread lol Cold dinner is a big thing where I live and that’s our big easter tradition. :D (6.1, yeah we don’t really have those unfortunately. I had like Marshmallows that were not cold from the package like. Once. Lol. Have mercy on me. But yeah Ares and Athena need these microwave/stove smores they feel very “student” to me lol like instant noodles)

Yess thank you for numbering them it makes my structure-craving brain so much less anxious lol yayyy I acquired a cryptid friend :D *happy Tasha noises*

(damn I so feel the breakfast thing… food is weird. oh yay the family just being family, lovely :/ Damn snow at that time of year… it’s so warm here already, we’re at almost 20°C (68°F) I was wearing a dinosaur tshirt yesterday and regretted my undershirt lol damn you are above me :< how rude. Let me check how high up my city is lol… yeah okay my city is 1250 feet above sea-level apparently LMAO Lol I googled stuff too lmao)

byeee

[ask-postcrash-curly]

(The dragon chuckles)

Again, allow me to doubt it xddd

But don't beat yourself out over it Curly, that's literally another universe, you did not say that to Anya here

That aside...I realize that I have not been clear at all, in my defense I tend to write this at like, 3 or 4 in the morning, I am sorry xdd

What i meant was:

You said that the timeline between Anya telling you about the SA and the pregnancy was literally...a day right? Well in some timelines, Anya tells you, you completely forget about it for like, a few days, up to a week, and then she hides the gun and she tells you about the pregnancy, and then you, for lack of a better word, tries to play kindergarten teacher and tries to get you three to talk together, you go to Jimmy next to the cockpit, he crashes the ship and the rest is history

That's honestly how it goes in the majority of universes, the problem is that I cannot find for the life of me a fully flushed out one, without the...stickiness, yeah? Or that has violence on that sense

And about the 50% percent thing, I tried to find out more about it

It was after she told you and you forget, I know that much, given her reaction specially

But I do have another, a better one

So you remember that there are many universes where the accident happens to Anya yeah? Well in this specific one, not only does it happens to Anya, but the roles are swapped, I'm honestly not sure if you have heard about them actually

In this Anya is the captain, you are the nurse, Swansea is the copilot, Daisuke is the mechanic and Jimmy is the intern

Anya still gets SA'd, although not...forcefully like in this universe, more like "sleep with me or else", not that it's not less bad, the point, she got pregnant, she asked for anticonceptives from you and you didn't have Anya, and you didn't ask why, because in this universe you had the biggest crush on her and didn't want to know with who she was involved with

The point is, I think this would actually be a good one, since this universe's you has a lot of guilt about that, if you wanna see a fragment, don't worry you will not see anything graphic, I will censor stuff don't worry

(Also, in case you wanna know for some peace of mind, you and Anya in this universe survive and get together, and you get a seeing dog since Anya went bling called Toby)

All that aside, here's the other video, tell me if you wanna see the others you didnt see or move to a new Choose your own adventure:

https://youtu.be/huVIggdZ4GI?si=9FyHnSFz6OBZyIg-

In case you wanna choose another one we have:

-A Date with Markiplier: For the funny hahas basically, cartoon logic although if you choose the worst options there's slight mentions of cannibalism and a cartoon explosion, I haven't seen all the options though

-A Heist with Markiplier: Funny hahas again, options with explosions extremely obvious, but mostly cartoon logic, again haven't seen all the options, it goes into a rabbit hole really fast

-In Space with Markiplier 1/2: Has a sequel, it's really good but has like, a lot of things you probably don't like, choose this one if you are feeling brave, it has explosions and I think lava but I may be misremembering, again cartoon logic for the most part

If you don't want none of this is can also do a musical, everything is drawn, mostly with no colour, no explosions, drawn fire, people do die though, theres the option with no visuals

If you don't want anything i just said, I can also just shown you my tiny creatures, that works

Why don't you believe me...?

...

You should sleep more. Take it from me.

Something like that... I tried to forget about it though. So that he wouldn't know that I knew until I had a plan to fix it. And that— that's what I'd do if I could go back. It's the only way to— We'd have to tell him that there wouldn't be any charges or any obligation for him and we'd have to make him believe it, s'the only way to keep him from... Yeah.

...Stickiness...

I don't know. I don't know that you're right. My repression's not that good. And he said "you would make a good mother," not "you will make a good mother." I don't— He couldn't have known, I wouldn't... Mm.

Yeah I've heard about it. Don't want to think about it. Don't want to think about her like— like this. ...I had a crush on her, so I didn't ask—? Okay well that's bloody daft.

I'm sorry, I still... I don't want to think about her hurt like me. I can't stand it.

...Cheers...

What's the musical...? Might do that.

Wouldn't be opposed to tiny creatures either way.

[gemapples]

see you in 2024 💗💗

very personal ramble about my year and experiences, etc. under the cut. kind of neg just a warning but if anyone would be willing to read it the whole way through i'd appreciate it so so much

2023 was certainly... a year for me. had many highs but a Ton of lows, went forward one step but took two steps back. i'd be lying if i said i didnt struggle and know what to do for a lot of it

i did get to meet and even become friends with people i look up to, got to learn new things i didn't know before. and one of the problems i noticed throughout this year is i spent way more time than i needed to focusing on my usefulness for others and what i can do for people rather than prioritizing myself and my mental health. i think a lot of problems i experienced in 2023 was due to me getting too caught up in how i'm perceived by others (especially on social media like tumblr). for 2024 i want to work on this and be sure to put myself first in every situation and be the best person i see myself as -- not overdo it for the sake of others. i'm going to try being more straightforward with myself and how i choose to approach people. i want to be more involved in this fandom and get to know more people who love kirby better rather than just hiding away and watching from the side like i have for many years, waiting for them to approach me first at some point. i made a lot of progress on this a lot in 2023 but i could always be better :')

regardless though, i wouldn't have been nearly as ready to get back on track if it weren't for the support you all have given me throughout this year. august and september were two of the worst months i've ever experienced; i won't get into it (if you know you know), but goddd was it harder than i can even describe. i've never had to go through something that resulted in me questioning my Entire artistic ability, my whole worth, and whether everything i've grown and learned from is just completely fake. i couldn't look at my work and all of my social medias without being completely disgusted and disappointed with myself. i'm in art student too, so you can imagine how fucking hard it was to balance and muscle through that as well lol. it was nothing but hell. if i didn't get the support i did from everyone, i can say with full confidence i wouldn't have been able to pick up my pencil phone and get back to drawing Nearly as quickly as i did. in fact, i probably would still be deeply effected by it and not have the motivation to continue posting for at least a long while. so i seriously can't thank you enough for that. all the words i was told still stick with me to this day and gave me a reason to keep pushing and learn to better understand myself

im tearing up as i write this so i'll have to cut it short LOL but i want to express how deeply it means to me that through all the conflict i've experienced throughout this year, you guys were there for me and were so generous to offer your time to support me and help me out. knowing i make at least one person smile and enjoy what i post is enough for me. hopefully 2024 will be easier on the emotional rollercoasters, i think all of us could use a long break from chaos really lol

thanks for everything and i love you

-mac

[qoldenskies]

Interesting, thank you, have a great day.

The truth is, I was mostly asking that because I'd realized one of my personal asks hadn't been answered. I shared some family stuff and didn't give it much thought. I can be a little attention desperate and very paranoid, so I was worried when you didn't answer back, but then I realized it was probably because you didn't know whether I was okay with you answering and sharing my thoughts with your other fans to see. So originally I was gonna have an ask saying something like "BTW, same person here, you can answer that ask that I made if there was any moral hesitation on your part", but no, I decided to make a very encrypted ask sounding like I wasn't of your fanbase so basically you could answer my question without you knowing it was me and maybe end up answering the ask I made if that did end up being an issue. And, well, helping out anyone else who might have the same thoughts as me about their asks.

But I understand now you just had no reason to answer, and I get that. Most of my asks to you are anonymous simply because there are some things that I don't want to be associated with "me". More so, again, because of paranoia and awkwardness. Cause I have sent you a LOT of asks. Most anonymous. And I don’t want to come across as "too much". You would probably have no idea which ones are me because obviously we're anons, and because I've sent some asks where I poured my heart out, asked off-topic stuff, responded to a recent joke, given recommendations, asked random stuff, made analysis', asked completely different questions right next to each other, and talked about a fic I'm writing for you frantically all in many different personality fonts.

I think I can speak for a lot of people when I say that Tumblr's anonymous option and their ask box was their greatest ideas. Besides what bad can come when people are anonymous in asks, of course, but it does help people who just simply want to feel free to be themselves! (Again, not in a weird way).

Anyway, not saying I lied in my last ask. I didn't, my intentions were just slightly skewed. And I'm gonna continue to be anonymous at times so I can be free of my own personal second hand embarrassment. Even if you don't agree with me and say "there's no reason to feel that way, I don't care", that's nice of you, but it's just the way I want to go about things. And there's probably other people in your asks who somewhat feel like I do. Most of your asks are anonymous people, anyway, lol. All for different reasons.

hey, its alright! dont worry if you want to stay on anon because i definitely know the feeling (ive done it too with other creators lolol), i dont ever plan on disabling it for that reason (unless something really bad happens, but as it is that seems unlikely. internet is a panopticon and all that). even if i dont answer things i see them, and i do appreciate everything :] im sorry if it made you nervous when i didnt respond, i think i remember that one and i just genuinely forgot 😭😭 i got like five asks in a wave iirc i never intend to make anyone feel anxious

[whitegirljoshuamacheath]

can i get a little dark and a lot sappy?

im turning seventeen this year. ill be eighteen in.. 20 months. thats the age my baby cousin was when she said my name for the first time.

i didnt think i'd live that long, i genuinely expected to kill myself by this year. and here i am, doing everything i can to live. i have people to live for, goals to hit, things to do. i want to be an author or a scientist. maybe both and write science books for kids. i want to see germany, meet zazz.

i want to get an apartment with jo and a mutual friend and get her little siblings away from their mom and her abuse.

i want to keep dancing, i want to know whats wrong with me, i want to feel better and be better and learn from my mistakes and hopefully make less of them.

i want to live. ive never wanted that before.

and thats. my new years reflection. 2024 was the worse year of my life, but it was also the best. i met doc and pip and pastrii and zazz and moth and melody and so many other people. i wrote the best fic ive ever written, i wrote so much of what will likely be my magnum opus, i did so much.

sure, i almost died. a few times, by my own hand. but i didnt. i lost over ten pounds in a week, but im gaining it back. i discovered a ton of things that i didnt realize were triggers, and ive already overcame one. angel doesnt mean him, it means guide.

i couldve been done last year. and i decided not to be. i dont want to be. and thats incredibly exciting for me.