#i wanted to click off it so bad but my brain was like but youve gotta finish it now .......

[noonbeam17]

ive never been so unreasonably angry with an album before oh my god

[fairykazu]

youre dating me! not him! ft. lyney࿐࿔ ✦cws: est. relationship, otome game (i.e. love and deepspace), rafayel my beloved, jealousy, feminine terms are used but reader is gender neutral, crackpost, lyney is trying to be batman to save chaos from gotham (his brain) and ooc ✦masterlist

lyney noticed something off with his girlfriend, giggling on their phone and of course, he thinks that youre either chatting away with your own friends or youve picked up a new hobby.

you have plenty of hobbies but you so happen to be invested in fandom culture.

hes well aware of how you read fanfiction on those websites, totally not because he snooped on your phone and accidentally found them. he will admit though that they are pretty well written, and he did steal some of the tropes and some of the pick up lines just to flirt and fluster you.

but you're not intensely reading fanfiction because you don't have the face, the "oh my god???" or "OH MY GODDD..... ?!?!?!?" so clearly, you're playing something else here. but you were being sneaky!

every time he tries to peek over, you hid your screen, turn off your phone. hell, you even invested into a privacy phone screen. although, these signs do sound like cheating. it most definitely is not because well… to put it lightly, you’re kind of a loser (affectionate) but its his favorite trait of yours!!!

…

wow.

that sounded more backhanded than he intended.

but he has to solve this mystery before the world falls to chaos…

he’s just going to “borrow” your phone. he had a plan and everything. he knew exactly what he was going to do. wait until you sleep, unlock your phone and find out your biggest secret at the moment.

but instead, midway of his plan, you had light mode on??? why are you the devil? knowing he was going to sneak onto your phone, you put your themes to light mode. its a sneak attack on his very character!

a bright light burned his eyes as he lowered the brightness because he will power through!! but he was being too loud when he was putting in your phone password.

lyney noticed you were waking up, quickly hiding your phone under a pillow case. as you yawned, you turned on the lamp, peeling open your eyes, “…mhmm, hey, lyney why are you up?”

“well, i couldnt sleep.” he replied back, snaking his arms around you. you laugh,

“is anything keeping you up?” funny you ASK, the joker of his heart !! you shifted in your side of the bed, facing his way. “ow, what the hell?” you reached under your pillowcase, “huh, why is my phone here?”

lyney, sweating, “um, maybe you forgot?”

“its even unlocked!”

“woww… wonder how it got there.”

silence filled the air as the both of you just stare at each other. well, he looked at your eyes with unwavering confidence and a midge of fear and you were straining your half asleep eyes at your boyfriend.

“lyney…”

“um… dont know! okay, fine i did it.”

“if you wanted to know, you can.” you handed him your phone, clearly even more suspicious. not really. he really wanted to get into this dark knight hero guy character.

he swiped through and nothing hut a new game. “oh! dont click that…”

“why?” he clicked on it anyway. he was met with kind of realistic men, painting, winking and other actions. its not as bad as he thought. or even, kind of typical girlfriend behavior.

hearing the theme song, you sighed, rubbing your temples. your tone was embarassed, “i.. its an otome game. i thought it would be weird—”

you met eye contact with lyney as you nervously laughed. “because its a dating simulator.”

“huh.”

“yeah…”

you could tell he was processing it in his mind. “wait, youre dating me,”

“yes.”

“and youre playing otome games, which is, dating sims.”

“yes…”

“but youre dating me! not him! ive been feeling neglect lately and you were gone in your prtend world of these…” he looks at the home screen. “very attractive suitors while i waste away to our homelife, trying to be better.”

“good narrative, babe.”

“thank you, i made it on the spot. wait, no, dont distract me!!” he made himself sound serious. “all jokes aside though, im glad it was a game. i thought it was more something serious.”

“such as?”

“like cheating! and i know how that sounds and i know you wouldn’t but the way you acted made it seem bad.”

he saw you load in the information he just gave you and you began to apologize. “dont worry, you just have to pay attention to me and i guess, whoever is on ‘amor and deepabyss’.”

“sounds like a plan!”

[is-this-yuri]

have you been doomscrolling? feeling awful about it? do you feel out of control? does it seem your autonomy has been swallowed by the ever present beast that is the internet?

we live in the most overwhelmingly stimulating age of humanity ever seen, and it's only getting worse. our brains are sponges, soaking up whatever we smear them across, and it seems more and more difficult to find a clean surface to rest on. i'm no expert or professional, but ive been born and raised into the internet, and i'd like to hand out some wisdom regarding this.

the main issue: brain poison

since the brain absorbs whatever it's exposed to, media consumption is unsurprisingly going to effect it. the type of media, the amount of media, and the frequency of the media all play a factor.

it's not the internet itself that's bad here. it's the media on the internet, and the platforms designed to suck in our attention and keep it there until we're rotting inside our skulls.

we're never going to escape the internet. it's just a fact of life now, and a tool that can be used for wonderful things. so how do we learn to live with the internet and take advantage of its potential?

treat it like a dietary balance

staying aware of what goes in your brain is just as important as being aware of what you're eating. if you eat carelessly, don't listen to how your body feels after you eat certain things, and ignore any sickness that might result from rotten food, you're going to have a bad time and wreck your guts. the same goes for the brain.

you want to have a good mix of various types of media in the right amounts, or approximately so. if things are feeling bland, maybe diversify. if things are feeling stupid, try something more intellectual. if it's feeling too much, cut back on all of it

the following are three things you can do to maintain a sense of control and awareness over your media diet. this isnt a step by step and is in no particular order, theyre just ideas to carry forward in general any time it could be helpful.

1. digest

this is the process of thinking about and remembering what youve done throughout your time on the internet. it could apply to any period of time. so you might think, 'man, i've done nothing but watch tiktok all day.' or 'i've been scrolling twitter a lot more this past week.'

i feel like most people already do this to some extent, but it manifests as a fleeting sense of anxiety or shame that doesn't lead anywhere. analyze that feeling, and ask if it's really true or helpful.

ask if your media consumption is making you feel less focused, distracted, putting you into a brain fog, making you fall asleep when you don't want to, making you irritable and angry, drawing you into arguments, keeping you awake at night, or upsetting/disrupting you in any way.

digestion also means appreciating the good stuff and recognizing the good feelings you get too. so also ask if it's enriching you, helping you learn something new, giving you a new perspective, exposing you to something beautiful, passing the time, relaxing you, honing your focus, or generally lifting your mood.

2. cut

cut certain types of content from your life once you've decided they're not good for your media diet. block people. move on. tell youtube to stop reccomending that channel. block them. unfollow people. unfollow tags. block the tags. blacklist things. do it. forget the awful things that make your brain hurty. click the block button. uninstall the app. you know you want to

consider removing yourself entirely from websites that are designed to be attention predators. if you consistently feel like youre 'stuck' on a site and cant leave, it's probably best to just delete your account and get out of there. tiktok is NOTORIOUS for this.

i also tend to keep my following or subscribed count low. keeping the stream of content short forces me to find other things to do with my time. this goes hand in hand with things like turning off infinite scroll. it provides an 'end point' where the repetitive action of scrolling down stops bearing fruit, breaking the doomscrolling cycle. the internet is almost an infinite place, and its up to you to build walls around yourself so you arent lost in it forever.

its also important to get off the internet in general sometimes. i know this is obvious, but literally touch grass on occasion. doing anything with your physical body away from the screen will be more enriching than sitting there scrolling for hours. whether it's just a 5 minute walk around your house to stretch your legs or a 6 hour hike every weekend, part of cutting media will mean replacing it with real life. looking at some plants, doing a pushup, or working on a knitting project can be like rinsing your brain sponge under some cold, clean water.

3. curate

the flip side of cutting is curating. you'll want to be looking for media that makes you happy and feels productive or meaningful in some way. anything that not only doesnt make you feel like you wasted your time, but specifically makes you feel like you spent your time well, is a green flag.

keep in mind entertainment just for entertainment's sake is good for you too. you don't have to be watching university lectures and tutorials and stuff all day. finding high quality entertainment, such as personalities you enjoy, good production values, and inventive ideas can be really difficult. find the people who dont make you feel like a cocomelon baby and stick with them. from there you should be able to find similar content.

what's good for your soul is going to depend very much on you as an individual. this is also going to be an ongoing process as not only you but the internet both change and evolve. the important thing about this step is that you Make Decisions about what to consume. even bad decisions! it's all part of the process, and it's all about reclaiming your autonomy.

4. eat your junk food

this isn't a military drill or an exact science. i'm just a guy on tumblr with an intimate connection to his own brain and a LOT of time on the internet. that's my only credential. sometimes i want to turn that brain off and just mindlessly consume without putting any thought into what dirty dishwater is soaking into my sponge. sometimes adhd brain wants me to watch a shitty B movie in recap form so i dont have to commit to a full movie. sometimes i get stuck in the youtube shorts for like 3 hours.

that's fine. the most important part of any kind of self care is that a little bit is better than nothing. even just being aware that youre consuming something bad for you and knowing you arent ready to stop just yet is better than nothing.

thats it!!

now you should be prepared to take back some control over your media consumption. be gentle with yourself and take your time. eventually this stuff will become second nature, and you'll be effortlessly digesting, curating, and cutting media like it's just part of your personality. remember YOU have control over what the internet thinks you want to see. dont let it force feed you nasty slop anymore. let it be a reflection of your mind, not the other way around.

and good luck!

[atiny-piratequeen]

Since I see you are sad people dont ask about ATT i will. What was the first inspiring thing that sparked your imagination to write ATT? How has the plotline changed since you first began? Is there a chapter you’re not satisfied with and wish you could redo? What chapter feels like its the best one youve done thus far? Who is your favorite att character you may only pick 2? Have you ever gotten your own lore wrong and had to be corrected on it? Would you ever consider changing the characters names and making it into a book? How has your life biews shifted because of ATT? What self learning have you discovered on your way while writting it? Which character do you feel nost similarly represents yourself?

the first thing that inspired AtT was the off-handed one off thought I had while listening to Against the Tide by Celldweller. It was Hongjoong in the ocean reaching upwards towards the surface while sinking and my brain went 'brrrrrr' and then I listened to it on repeat and got the idea centered around that one thought.

The plotline has changed like crazy. I actually reworked hoe Priscilla was going to behave bc it felt a bit too yandere for me with the original idea and I don't really like yandere type things. Also the idea for The King came because of Answer and the teezers having that cb stage where they had the boys asking their other selves back and forth "are you evil? are you good?" and etc and I was like...oh wait a minute Priscilla isn't a spicy enough villain, lets one up it and have TWO big baddies. One who's clearly more intimidating than the other lol

I still kind of want to go back and redo Jongho's chapter. I'm very satisfied with most of it but I feel like it could of flowed better. I also wrote that while on my birthday vacation and forcing myself to stay awake for unhealthy amounts of time. Like it was really bad I think I wrote for two days straight with literally only like a collective 4 hours of sleep between it was HORRIBLE, all because I wanted it up by my birthday so I could have reviews as a bday gift and I was still a day late and I feel it could've been better. so probably that one. space the development out a bit more and then make the ending better. You can clearly tell I was running out of steam towards the end and I'm disappointed in myself.

best one so far? if we're talking about pirate era, probably chapter 8. that was the first chapter we got to see The King fully, the first chapter Hongjoong got to use enough of his power to reestablish to the reader why he is the captain and a force to be reckoned with even after parting from most of his power, and it sets up a lot. 9 is a close second for obvious reasons but I had so much fun writing the hyuna vs hongjoong scene, I have to go with ch 8. if we're talking modern day, its the last chapter because not only is that bitch the longest single thing I've ever written, its THE chapter where things start clicking into place. It's just as important to the narrative as chapter 8 in my opinion and there's a lot more to come.

Favorite two characters? Hongjoong and Whiro. Yall can tell how much I adore Whiro every time I write the mf lmao and ofc I adore Hongjoong. he's got so many layers to him especially things I haven't even touched on.

I wanna say yes. it doesnt happen often but when you write something this big for this long, things get mixed up and wires get twisted. I have def gone back and made edits bc of issues and I reread att so much to see if I over looked any plotholes.

I have thought about it, but I feel like it would lose a lot of the heart it has if I did. I have considered doing like a mini print series of the actual ATT and selling physical copies to a small batch of folks and I have looked into some printing sites but that idea is far in the future. But change the name and rewrite it with other people over it? nah

I wouldn't say any views of mine have changed bc of AtT. I have the same ones, I'm just sharing with everyone.

I mean I def have learned what some folks like when it comes to the pacing and timing of scenes and events. I probably will put a bit more pleasure with the pain bc folk's are out here struggling but I def have learned and perfected a lot of my writing style with AtT in the years I've been writing it

Probably Yeosang. Feeling like an outcast in your family, relying on a found family, including finding solace in the audience of your pet family. Eventually coming out of our shell and finding our voice slowly and getting a feeling for who we actually are

Thank you so much for the long and thoughtful ask. I really appreciate it sm and this was so fun to sit down and answer

[bitterbluenephalem]

i seriously love your art so fucking much dude. youve genuinely been a really big inspiration to me, especially lately (ive had a bad Few Years, but things. keep. getting. worse. so at this point i dont even know what time frame to give) when ive really needed it

im sorry if this comes off weird or overly familiar, i just wanted to express from one artist to another that i really love your art. especially the lil poems you do in the alt text. i hadnt realised it before because i never click on the alt text thing, but now im just going through them and god they make my brain go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Ahhhhh I saw this like the day u sent it and was so flattered i didnt know how to respond and then forgot to

Thank you!! And dont worry about it, ur so real. I like when people are real. It's not weird, i appreciate being told, otherwise i wouldn't have known!

That means so much from another artist bc u get it.

I wish I wasnt a bastard and posted all my art in the same place but i dont lol

ritualis and n-e-p-h-a-l-e-m are my other blogs if u are interested and didnt know about them! i'm far more active on there than here. But i cant let my og blog die

And as a side, since you sent this, i added new alt text to the edits that i had mosses beforehand, so thanks for the reminder!

[oxooxxoooxxx]

like when u zoom out and actually take a look at the bigger picture rofl . the fact that i wasn’t even talking to this man at all really recently . and he messages me saying he’s watching me even after i had changed my camera password . im thinking im just alone in my house w my friend . im like no you’re not . there’s absolutely no way that’s possible . then he literally repeats to me in a message something i said out loud . literally watches me do hard drugs and fuck a random drug dealer in my bed . i feel sick thinking about it . i feel like i got raped . or let myself get raped . i let someone rape me for him so he could watch . he said "its my favorite thing youve ever done for me." he said "you have no idea the level of obsession youve unlocked from me." like i can’t even talk about how bad it was coming off of it . i was sobbing in the fetal position in the bathtub for 20 hours straight . whispering it’s ok to myself . im literally audibly and visually hallucinating for like three days afterwards . and so much stuff i still don’t know if it was real . i heard my cameras in the living room and the kitchen clicking on and off over and over for like 10 minutes straight while i was sitting at my desk. but then i thought later maybe it was just the fucking crackling noise on some rain and fireplace sound i had on the tv . i hallucinated for days straight that the discord icon for someone offline was subtly changing . rotating through variants of slightly different gray dots on an icon . that would subtly change when someone was actually off the app vs just invisible with discord open . which would subtly change to a different one when someone came back actually online . which seemed like it actually was kind of accurate because when it would “change” you’d usually start typing soon after . so this person takes this opportunity to like rekindle talking to me a lot bc im absolutely having a psychotic break and he stays with me to “take care of me” . but during that time also starts telling me ab all his problems w his real life girlfriend . like i don’t want to hear this fuckin shit . like get male friends u fucking disgustingly filthy jersey trash bisexual gutter whore . then on like the third day after when my brain is like 1% more stable just circles back and tells me he’s logged into all of my shit. he tells me he’s only doing it because he loves me too much . so that even when i try to leave him i can’t . so he can still see me . so he can still see inside of me . then he’s referencing things in my texts . like in my imessage . making little fucking references . i know he is . it doesn’t matter how crazy it sounds . that’s what these kind of ppl do to u . they make u sound crazy . they make u feel crazy . then once im more sober just goes back to his cycle of fucking his gf every weekend and only talking to me during the week . and leaving half the weeknights anyway . like it’s so far beyond gone bro . what power do i even have . to delete someone off discord. while they can still see everything . it’s fucking insane . it’s violating . i wanted him to fucking love me normally . not love bomb me and then gradually pull away while doing whatever the fuck he wants and compulsive lying about it but trying to manipulate me to still get whatever the fuck he wants out of me . why couldn’t i just have what i want just ONE time ? why would someone do this to someone ? i cant physically imagine what the fuck i could’ve ever done to attract that level of psychopathy other than literally being raised and horrifically abused by two psychotics . it’s just sick . and there’s no way out . because that’s what i attract . and worse, that’s what im atttacted to . that’s how i knew he loved me . that’s the ONLY way i knew . that level of devotion , obsession , addiction . i never wanted the pain . he pretended i wanted him to put me in pain . i wanted him to LOVE ME . i wanted you to fucking love me . and this is what you did . i just can’t take any more pain .

[missdrarrydawn]

------------ Occupy My Heart ------------

Draco Malfoy x fem!Reader

warning: implied smut, brief mentions of drinking

~~~

written for the lovely @leydileyla who offered me this absolute gem of a prompt that I simply couldn't pass up

hope you enjoy hon :DD

~~~

You were really starting to feel the buzz of the Butterbeers a few hours into the Interhouse party that was thrown for all the returning eighth years. You're such a horrible lightweight, Butterbeer is just vaguely alcoholic, if at all. It warmed you up and left a pleasant tingle in its wake. Just enough to let the music and lights around you blur and blend, to ripple against your skin and soothe. The smell of the ale cookies served at various tables scattered around the one conjoined common room for all the Houses now wafted through the thick, cloying air, between meandering bodies of various dancing students, all the scents making your head spin from where you were sitting at the little makeshift bar.

The party's been wilding on way past curfew but no teachers arrived to interrupt you yet so it was fair game. Everything felt so liquid and pleasant, the atmosphere sticking to your slick skin, the warmth and haze prickling at the back of your neck.

Gods you needed a shower. Perhaps you might sneak away to have a quick one? The party showed no signs of slowing down and you were drained.

As you pushed away from the bar, colors still swimming before your eyes from all the sparkle and decorative banners strung up everywhere, you felt a shiver run down your spine.

You felt eyes on you.

Turning about to find the possible culprit, you registered a flash of platinum blonde hair in a darkened corner and the piercing glow of silver eyes lingering on you.

Draco.

A chuckle rumbled from your chest as you allowed yourself a moment to revel in his gaze before melding into the throng of people, sliding between them, trying to remember whether your dorm was the door on the left or the right upstairs. It wouldn't do to barge into someone else's dormroom.

As you made your way along you still felt pins and needles in your back, as if someone was keeping pace with you. Goodness, that was incredibly paranoid, wasn't it? You vowed to yourself to never drink Butterbeer again. Even slightly tipsy you were a disaster.

Finally you got through everyone and into the quieter part of the room, where all the dorms were. There were only a few people milling about there, stumbling off to their rooms with whoever they pulled or to retch or simply pass out.

The beat of the music was muffled here, no longer a steady, beating ebb flowing through your skull, now more resembling a foggy memory. It was easier to think, to breathe. You've never been much of a party animal, but this one was important. It celebrated unity and the war being over, it celebrated those who lived and fought. It mattered to attend. After Hogwarts rebuilt and reopened, the first thing that changed was the system of the four houses, headmistress McGonagall had dismantled it entirely after witnessing how horrific segregation could be.

Everyone was thrown in one mixing pot, which had been strange at first, but throwing a party like this really helped scrub out the imaginary lines in the sand everyone had drawn between themselves.

Speaking of scrubbing, you finally arrived to your dorm and basically collapsed through the door in your quest for a shower. Where was the bathroom door again? Ah right, over there, of course.

You slipped through, the bright Lumos having you squint for a second while your eyes adjusted from the dim haze of downstairs to the sparkling clean of tile.

Right. You closed the door behind you and began to undress, your clothes peeling away from the sweat plastered all over you from all the vigorous dancing you'd done.

As you kicked off your shoes and set your bare feet on the cold floor, a distinct icy chill ran up your legs and through the rest of you, shivering away the brittle buzz you'd worked up, cooling you down.

Once your clothes were a discarded pile on the floor, you stepped into the shower and pulled the fogged glass door shut, fiddling with the taps before a spray of warm water finally hit your face and shoulders.

What a relief.

You began to scrub and lather yourself up, cleaning off the night with the water sluicing down your skin, your mind starting to wander as you relaxed into the moment more. Warm showers were a treasure.

Draco was staring at you back there. For a brief second you made eye contact before you left. Did that mean something? You felt silly for wanting to know but that boy has occupied the vacant spaces of your heart for far too long now, and you couldn't help but hope that his intense, focused gaze meant something more.

As you began washing your hair, a knock on the door startled you out of your skin. You almost poured shampoo into your eyes for heaven's sake!

"Um—occupied?" you yelled out, hoping to be heard over the gush of water. If someone needed the bathroom urgently then they could come in to use it, it's not as if anyone would see you in your birthday suit, but if it wasn't urgent then they could find another one.

"Ahh, Y/N, it's—uh, it's me! I was just wondering if you were okay?" a familiar voice from the other side of the door spoke up.

You knew that voice. It was so familiar. Who—

You felt every bit of you freeze as your brain spat out the answer for you.

Draco. It was Draco.

Checking up on you.

What should you do now? Your heart began hammering away quicker, this was hardly the time or place to flirt or attempt seduction and—

Well. As you considered the statement that just flittered through your mind you found it not entirely true.

You were naked after all, naked and wet. What more perfect scenario for seduction did there exist?

"I'm okay Draco, um—you can come in?" you yelled back, lips stretching into a smile. Technically he shouldn't be here at all, seeing as these were girls quarters and all, but if he's been invited it shouldn't be too much of an issue. If he accepted, that was.

There was silence for a few beats, the moment dragging on, you almost thought you'd scared him off, but then—

The soft, distinct click of the door being opened and shut.

Bingo.

Now, how exactly would you do this? You supposed you could ask him to get you a towel when you were done, and let him have a glimpse.

Merlin it sounded corny as all fuck, but you were prepared to do what it takes.

Until then though, you supposed you should talk about anything, keep the atmosphere up.

You could just barely make out his tall, foggy outline through the sliding glass of the shower, and you watched him move to sit down on the toilet seat.

Wait a second—if you could partly see him, did that mean he could partly see you too?

That was even more perfect.

"Hi Draco, you like the party?" you threw out the question casually, hoping to lessen the strangeness of the situation. You and him were friends, well, acquaintances more so, so it's not as if you've never spoken berore, but still. This was way different from any interaction youve had prior. "Thank you for checking up on me."

"Ahh ahem—no problem Y/N, you seemed a little tipsy back there so I uh—I thought you might—Well yea." he stumbled through his words, hardly even finishing the sentence properly.

That was—quite uncharacteristic of Draco Malfoy. He was always the one with the silver tongue, the sharp remark, had a comment to spare for anything, and to hear him stutter and hiccup his way through speaking as if he were a nervous school girl talking to her crush was very new and strange.

You'd be lying if you said it wasn't endearing as all hell though.

You could have a lot of fun with this.

"I see I see. I did build a bit of a buzz but nowhere near as bad as some of the other characters around this place. I mean, did you see Zabini strip his shirt off and then dance on the tables? Goodness." you simply continued along, as if this were a casual conversation and you weren't naked and washing out your hair.

"Haha, yeah, yes, Blaise will have one hell of a hangover tomorrow." Draco chuckled, though it sounded breathy and rough, somehow.

You were almost done now.

"Parvati will too, say, could you brew a vial of that potion of yours, for hangovers, for her? She's my roommate and I loathe to hear her whining tomorrow. You're the best at it, after all." You let your voice linger above the spray.

This time, Draco audibly spluttered and you saw a flurry of blurred movement, which eased a laugh past your lips.

"Um—yea, of—of course. I can do that. Um, Y/N isn't this—I don't know, a little strange?"

He sounded so thoroughly flustered, which really got you hoping. The stares, checking up on you, doing you favors, getting flustered by the situation, hm.

Hm.

It was worth a shot anyhow, right?

Time for a new plan.

Another chuckle rattled through your ribs. This was insane.

You grabbed the handle of the door and slid it open just enough to lean your head through. You could finally get a good look at him. He was sitting on the toilet seet, his entire face splotched and flushed all down his neck, wringing his hands and bouncing his leg.

When he heard you slide the door open he turned his head abruptly and you heard his breath hitch as he got a look at your face and shoulder sticking out, his eyes sliding from your eyes to your lips, lower still, to your neck and collarbones and—then he remembered himself and turned away abruptly.

"I'm sorry! Oh Merlin, are you—are you done? Do you uh—need a towel or—?" He began to ramble all in one breath and you just continued smiling fondly at his turned back.

"Oh Draco, won't you come in here with me already?"

You held out your hand and patiently waited. You could imagine this would be quite a fallout.

Draco stood completely still when the words left your mouth. One minute, two minutes, three—

The water drying on your skin while more sprayed down had gooseflesh rising all over you. Still, you waited.

"Um—what?" Draco whimpered eventually, voice giving out on him at the end there.

"You heard me." you assurred him.

The hum of running water was the only sound bouncing off the walls again, the very faintest echo of music from downstairs lilting through the closed door.

Draco turned to face you again, he looked wrecked. Eyes wide and dark, his pupils basically swallowing the silver irises, hair disheveled, breath coming in gentle pants.

"You want—?" he mumbled, his voice betraying his own hope and eagerness.

"Yes. For a while." your own smile widened, and for a second a pang of anxiety struck you as you realized he was about to see you naked, but it all dissipated into pooling heat and want as you watched him slowly reach for the first button of his mint green button up shirt and slide it loose. His wide eyes never left yours and you watched the slight tremor in his fingertips as he freed every button, one by one, until his shirt opened and slid off his shoulders, fluttering to the floor.

God he's delicious. All lean, well defined Seeker's physique, the pale marble of his skin an endless expanse. You let your eyes wander, drink in the sight, slide across his chest and lower, over his taut abdomen, hanging up on the waistband of his pants. An outline pushed against the seams there, your mouth watering at the visible bulge.

"Me too." he mumbled, as if you needed any more proof or reassurance of his desire, his hand slowly reaching for his zipper now.

Oh what a lovely party it's been indeed and it was about to get so much better.

~~~

Fin.

[reesewestonarchive]

chapter nine / rem belongs to @forlornraven / masterpost / mature content

Nakoa wakes to darkness. He finds out easily that he’s in a vehicle; the rumble of tires beneath him, the loud, high-pitched squeal of rubber on asphalt.

The hard, unforgiving feel of metal against his shoulder. He opens his eyes, but it makes no difference. He sees slivers of light, but nothing really. Nakoa blinks, once, twice, and, when he turns over, finds himself grateful for the lack of light, because just the slivers of daylight peeking through are enough to send spikes through his brain.

“You awake?” He jolts at the sound of a voice, relaxes when Rem adds, “Hey, it’s just me.” His words are near slurring, though. Nakoa spins his head to look for him, nervous, worried, but it’s impossible to see in the darkness. “I—” Rem huffs a frustrated breath. “Can’t see a fucking thing—where are you?”

One of Rem’s boots finds Nakoa’s ribs. He mutters an apology, then says, “Hang on—” before he reaches down, his hand skirting along Nakoa’s back until he reaches Nakoa’s hands, clasped behind him. “Hold still.”

The ties release after just a second, and when Nakoa pulls them up, he asks, “How the fuck did you get out of them?” The plastic rubbed his wrists raw, even as short as they were on.

He can hear Rem’s grin in his voice when he speaks, though, and his presence makes the dark, unforgiving trcuk a little less foreboding. “You think I leave the motel without a knife?”

Nakoa would laugh, if he could. Instead, he reaches a hand out, trying to find Rem in the dark. “Where—” he says, before he makes contact with Rem’s knee. Relief settles in his stomach, and he reaches out for Rem’s hand, squeezes it. Feels better already when Rem squeezes back.

“You okay?” Nakoa asks. “That looked.” Bad. Terrible. Nakoa sees it no matter where he looks, Rem lying on the asphalt like that.

“Mm.” But his voice sounds far away. “Nakoa.”

“Yeah.”

“What the fuck?”

Nakoa should have known, knows he should have. That he should have said something to Rem, but… “My father’s—” The word tastes bitter on his tongue. “…in imports.”

“Drugs,” Rem says, immediately. “Fucking hell, Nakoa.”

It’s how Nakoa got started. It’s why he kept going with them. Michael’s into more than just weed, though, and therein lies the problem. That Nakoa knows. Michael had beat him, when Nakoa found out, and has since used his strength to his advantage. Try as he might, Nakoa can only throw a punch if he’s catching someone off guard, if they can fight worse than he can.

Michael doesn’t fit the bill, and he’s always carrying.

“I didn’t have a choice!” Nakoa says. “And I thought. Maybe, if I wasn’t there… why would he waste a bunch of bullshit on me? Men, resources.” Why would he follow Nakoa across the country? Nakoa, of all people?

“You stole from him,” Rem says. His voice comes out flat. “Nakoa.”

“You don’t get to play like you wouldn’t have done the same fucking thing,” he says, tone sharp. He pulls back from Rem, smells blood on his hands as he wipes them down his face. “How often have you stolen whiskey?”

“It’s legal! You wanna compare that to coke?”

Exhausted, suddenly, Nakoa says, “I really need you to not fucking judge me. I stopped, okay? He didn’t notice, and even if he had, what was he gonna do?” Michael hates Nakoa; always has. A disappointment, and that isn’t even considering Rem. That’s not considering the fact that Michael knows, and always has, that Nakoa beds men as often as he does women. It’s been like this since Nakoa was born, his father distant for work, and Nakoa eager for his approval and stumbling on his work at thirteen.

“He couldn’t do anything about it then,” Nakoa says. “But now what’s stopping him? His kid went missing. No one’s gonna care if I end up in a ditch.”

“Don’t fucking joke about that.”

Nakoa shuts his mouth, though. Taps his fingers on the metal on the floor. He says, “I should have told you.” He wants to apologize; can’t.

Wishes that he could just… touch Rem. No expectation. Find comfort in his touch.

He holds his hands to himself, and neither of them speak.

Eventually, the van slows to a stop, and doesn’t start again. Rem gets to his feet, says, “I got this.” Nakoa hears the knife unlatching in his hand. “Stay back.”

“Don’t being a knife to a gun fight, you—” Nakoa sighs. “Just—get behind me.”

“I’m not going to let you—”

“He’s my father,” Nakoa says, his voice cracking. “Let me deal with him.” He thinks about clocking Rem on the head again, but if he got knocked out that bad, he might already have a concussion.

Nakoa doesn’t say, “I want you safe.” He doesn’t say that it means more to him that Rem is okay, that Rem can go home. Maybe Rem thinks he’s worthless, but he’s Nakoa’s entire world.

The door slides up, and Nakoa blinks against the blinding light. Rem stands behind him, body heat warming Nakoa’s back. Michael’s behind his men, chatting on the phone, but Nakoa doesn’t move, not until Michael says, his voice almost bored, like he’s not still devising a plan. “Come join me for dinner.”

Nakoa blinks. “Pretty fucking dramatic entrance for dinner.”

Michael rolls his eyes. “You could show a little respect.”

Already disappointing his father, and they’ve been reunited for a matter of minutes. Nakoa holds his gaze and says, “You wanna kill me, go ahead.”

Behind him, he hears Rem make a small, distressed noise. “Nakoa—”

But Nakoa’s tired of living in this hole, in his father’s shadow, too afraid to move beyond Michael and his wants. Too afraid Michael might follow through on his threats.

“Just come. We’ll discuss what I plan to do with you at dinner.” Michael sighs, rubbing his forehead. “I keep forgetting about the carry on.” Nakoa catches his attention shifting to Rem, wishes it wouldn’t. “Hm. Looks like he’s the reason they’re free. Someone remind me we need handcuffs.”

When Nakoa doesn’t go forward, Michael sighs, says, “Someone grab him, please. Leave the other.” He sighs. “And tie him up this time?”

One of the men hauls Nakoa from the truck, by the hair, the shoulder. Nakoa swears, grips at the guy’s wrist and tries to walk with him, can’t. Holds tight and tries to lessen the pressure on his hair, anyway.

He watches as Rem crawls from the truck, eyes wide with fear, brandishing his knife. In comparison to giant men with handguns, he looks like a small, terrified child. Nakoa knows better than to call out his name, so he doesn’t.

His chest aches, and a half-strangled, “Rem—” escapes from his throat, just as the man dragging him pulls him into a building. Before the door shuts, Nakoa catches sight of Rem lashing out, the sound of a gunshot, then… Nothing.

Nakoa finds himself dropped at Michael’s feet, scalp burning, Michael staring down at him with something akin to disinterest. “I wish things could have gone differently for you, Nakoa.”

This is nothing like the Michael Nakoa remembers. This man is… different. Distressingly calm, quiet.

Nakoa prefers him screaming. Calm breeds terror in Nakoa’s chest, and he doesn’t care for the way it burrows in and refuses to leave.

“Up.” It’s not a request. “Dinner.”

Tossing a scowl back at the man who’d dragged him, Nakoa rubs his wrists, follows Michael through the warehouse.. He needs to stay around until he can get back to Rem, anyway. After that… who cares? Michael can do whatever he wants with Nakoa, as long as Rem gets out of this safely.

Michael leads him into another room to a table sitting alone, like one in the movies, covered with a tablecloth, a single lightbulb illuminating the table and nothing more.

With a swallow, Nakoa takes his seat, still rubbing his wrists. Michael sits in the other chair, and, neat as can fucking be, he undoes his napkin and lays it across his lap.

“Nakoa,” Michael says, and now he sounds more like himself, like the Michael Nakoa remembers. “You are a pain in my ass, you know that?”

“So the pleasant, calm druglord, that’s just for your employees. But your son, all bets are off.”

Michael’s gaze is sharp, piercing, and Nakoa wishes he’d kept his mouth shut. “Ungrateful. You know,” he says, already lifting the lid from his dinner, “you really don’t understand the sacrifices I’ve made for you. The resources I’ve wasted finding you.”

As if Nakoa asked for it. As if he gives a shit about whether Michael goes broke. As if he cares, for half a second, what Michael loses. He sits back, crosses his arms. Waits.

“I can see you’re going to be difficult, so let me lay this out for you.” He pops a bite of dinner—steak, because of course it is—into his mouth, and chews. Slow. Nakoa knows the tactic well, terrify them with their own imagination. “You’ll come home with me.”

“Over my—”

“—and we can leave your friend here to fend for himself.”

“Next.”

Eyebrow raised, Michael cuts back into his steak. “I could just as easily kill your friend, you know. He hardly seems like a man someone will miss.” At Nakoa’s expression, Michael laughs. “Don’t tell me you think—” He shakes his head. “You’re a fool, Nakoa.”

Better a fool than a prick, Nakoa thinks, but he doesn’t say so. Michael married a gentle woman, one he can scare into submission, and he thinks Nakoa’s life choices are worth judging. “Next option,” he says, through gritted teeth, staring hard at the table, at the knife marks in the wood. Imagines what it might be like to see those on his skin, instead. If he’d even life through it.

“I could kill the both of you. You’ve already been missing for how long? None of the authorities would think twice about a couple of stupid, runaway queer boys ending up dead. Two of them…” He clicks his tongue. “Well. Is that even a tragedy worth the news cycle?”

And Michael wonders why he ran away. Nakoa lifts his gaze, reluctant, up towards Michael’s face, hates the giddy expression on his father’s face. He’s a bastard, and Nakoa knows he’s always enjoyed his work a little too much, but he’d hoped maybe, underneath it all, there was something that made him human. Now he’s not so sure.

“Easiest way to tie up loose ends, don’t you agree?”

Nakoa wants to tell him to fuck off, but Michael won't hesitate to cut him with the knife on his plate. Never has before. Never hesitates, once he makes his mind up. “Why the holdup?” Nakoa asks, but his voice shakes. “Sounds like you got it all figured out. Why not just kill me now?”

He’s losing his patience, Michael. The joy drains from his expression and he returns to his dinner, almost bored. “Unfortunately, I still think there might be some use in you. I could use you to make an example. I think using you as a living example carries more weight, don’t you?”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

Pointing a fork to Nakoa’s plate, Michael says, “Eat. It’s the last time you’ll get the opportunity in a while.”

“What about Rem?” Nakoa does his best to hold his voice steady, to keep Michael from making any more shitty comments, but it still comes out wrong.

“I think I’ll be doing the world a favor, taking him out.” He reaches for his drink, then sighs. “Nakoa, please. If you don’t eat, I’ll be forced to take other measures.” Like what, Nakoa wonders, but doesn’t ask. Sighing, Michael sets his fork down and says, “Nakoa. It’s in your best interest to work with me.”

“Too fucking bad.”

“I can make your life a living hell, you know.”

“You already did. What can you do to make it worse?”

Michael raises an eyebrow, says, “You think you’re in love with the man outside. Not sure where you got that, but fine, I’ll play along. You’re right in considering yourself worthless, so I understand I can’t use you against yourself.” With a cock of his head, Michael leans back in his seat. “I might be able to use him yet. Suppose I better put in the call to keep him in one piece after all.” He pulls a walkie talkie out of his shirt pocket and switches it on. “Hold my previous order,” Michael says, glaring at Michael. “Plans have changed. We’re going to have a little fun.”

[blueyesandleatherjacket]

Ghost of you, 15/?

Volume: 1.

Number of parts: 15/?.

Pairings: Human!Nine x Rose; Human!Ten x Jack; Clara Oswald x Olivia Baxter (OC).

Synopsis: "She felt it, it was time to speak about the weight on her shoulders. Something she had never done before."

A/N: I've started writing this fiction last year after I had a particularly weird dream (as usual) and after I wrote the prologue, I've put it aside to work on other stuff. I've gone back to it not so long ago and decided that it would be the fiction I would post next, after not posting anything for a while. I must have watched I am legend and Game of thrones way too much to come out with something like this but I hope you will like it. I am not a scientist, nor did I have a particular knowledge of sciences. I do my researches on the internet like everyone to make sure everything is as close to the reality as possible. I have a literature degree only. Writing is what I do and it makes me explore next fields, and learn new things.

“'Cause I'd rather feel your pain than nothing at all.” - Three Doors Down.

CHAPTER 15:

Amy woke up slowly. She was wrapped into a cocoon of warmth and well-being. She didn’t remember when was the last time she had felt so well. She stretched her body. She was taking all her time. She didn’t want to lose this precious well-being she hadn’t felt in ages. There was someone lay by her side. She rolled on her side and cuddled into the warm body beside her. She heard a smile and someone wrapped an arm around her. She must be dreaming but that dream was pleasurable. She liked it. She lazily wrapped her arm around that person. She didn’t know what she had expected but certainly not to be so close to a woman. This surprised her beyond words and she reluctantly rolled away from the unknown person she liked cuddling into. She couldn’t let herself go that way. The other woman reacted by trying to soothe her but Amy was too sleepy to be calmed down so easily. She needed to clear her mind first. Moaning, she pushed the hand away and rubbed her eyes. She stretched her body and looked around her. She wasn’t in her office but she wasn’t in her house either. It was a room she didn’t know. Had she done it again? Had she drunk until she had a blackout and been brought home by some stranger? There were pictures on the wall facing the bed. Pictures of a couple. Great, the woman she was with was married. She would have to deal with another cheated husband. She knew well that she didn’t have any control on herself when she was drunk. It was only a way to mute her pain. She was doing this when it was too strong, when it was suffocating her. She focused on the pictures on the wall. She wanted to see what the man she would have to face in the near future – because fate always made sure she faced them – looked like and the last pieces of the puzzle clicked together. It was Maxence Spitz. She remembered how she had ended up here. She had watched Rose work with Maxence for a while and the scientist had taken her into the private parts of the lab. They had had a quick lunch and they had settled down here. After a quick shower, they had lain down in bed and, reassured that she wasn’t alone for once, Amy had fallen asleep rather quickly. How much time had she slept? Had Rose watched her while she was asleep or had she slept too? It felt weird to be here, in this bed, with the wife of the man supposed to be her boss at the moment. But it was the start of a friendship. “How long have I slept?” A certain time according to her croaked voice and the feeling of being rested. She hadn’t felt this way in a very long time. It was before… “I’d say eight solid hours.” “Eight hours?” “You needed that sleep.” “And you?” “A couple hours.” Amy looked up at Rose. She was sat against a pile of pillows, glasses on her head and a book on her lap. She was reading and marking pages by folding their upper corner. Probably a book about her current researches. She looked as exhausted as before though. “You don’t look like someone who’s slept.” “Never said it was a good sleep.” “Do you have nightmares?” “I’m not the only one.” Rose looked away from her book to stare at Amy. Those whiskey eyes were clear on the meaning of those words. Somewhen during the night she had dreamt of this event and she must have screamed and cried and struggled against the sheets. “Sorry.” “Don’t be. I know what it is.” If there was something nice about Rose, it was that she wasn’t asking questions. She was giving her the time to consider the eventuality and if she wasn’t talking, she wouldn’t insist. She would wait until she was ready. “We all have our demons. You know mine already.” “But you don’t know mine.” “You’re not forced to talk to me.” “You’ve been comforting me, that’s the least I can do. You’re also the only one to care about me here.” Her voice was sad when she evoked this lack of friends in her surroundings. Rose was the first one to ever hold a hand out to her in this place and it felt amazing to have someone like her so close to her. Somehow, it felt easier to make friends in such a situation. She hesitantly snuggled closer to her new friend. “In my hometown, I’m known to sleep with married women,” she chuckled. “It only happened once but you know how people are.” “We all do mistakes.” “When my pain was suffocating me, I was going to a pub and drinking until I couldn’t feel it anymore. Once, I was taken home by a woman and I woke up in her bed. Only to be caught by her husband a couple hours later.” Amy fell silent after this admission. She was waiting for the judgement to come. People always judged a woman that was sleeping with someone married or that was having relations with another woman. But Rose didn’t say a thing. Instead, she pointed to a picture on the wall. A younger version of her and Maxence together in a park. Maxence had his arms around Rose and he was smiling brightly. Rose was just as happy on this picture. “This was the day we admitted our feelings to each other. It was one month after I broke up with Liv.” “You mean…” “Olivia Baxter, our doctor. We’ve known each other since forever. I’m totally bi. Not gonna judge you on this one.” “We didn’t…” “No.” Amy was relieved to know this at least. A friend that wasn’t judging her and that hadn’t let her make another mistake. Finally someone open minded. “Not enough alcohol in this building for us to be drunk. And I’m faithful.” “I used to be,” sadly murmured the therapist. She sat up and stared at the wall before her. She felt it, it was time to speak about the weight on her shoulders. Something she had never done before but Rose was offering her the trust and friendship she needed. It was all new but she knew deep down that she could say anything to this woman. She would listen and never judge. Hopefully. As a way to prove it, Rose took her hand and gently squeezed it. “The virus was already out when it happened. It wasn’t as bad as it is now. We could go out and have fun. And that’s what we did, my husband and son and I. There was a fair in our little town and we’ve spent the day there. It was a long and amazing day. My little boy, my William…” Her voice trailed off and she stopped speaking for a couple minutes. The anxiety was strangling her again. Rose didn’t say anything, she just stroked her hand with her thumb. A way to reassure her, to tell her that she wasn’t alone. After all, she was going through a loss too and she knew what it was. There was nothing to say at the moment. She could only listen. “We let him eat too much sugar and he was sick. I was driving so Bob, my husband, could deal with our son. He was blaming me for buying so much candy floss and so many sweets and I was trying to argue that our son’s happiness was the only thing that mattered. Every kid experiences sickness because of sweets at one point. But this argument signed our end. It distracted us.” She closed her eyes as the memories flew into her mind. She could see herself driving, her husband turned to watch William who was complaining about a belly ache. Two parents arguing and a sick child. She was looking for a place to stop the car so they could get out and breathe some fresh air to make the nausea disappear. And this man came out of nowhere. She brutally steered to avoid him and she lost the control of the car. No matter how hard she was trying to get the control back, the car kept sliding on the road and her husband was yelling at her and it was disturbing her. What had to happen happened. The car left the road and collided with a tree. The shock was so violent and so sudden that the airbags didn’t work. Her head bumped against the steering wheel and she thought it was over for her. “When I woke up, I was in the ICU. They waited until I was transferred to the light cares unit before telling me the truth. They haven’t suffered, they say. The collision killed them both instantly.” This was the last straw. Amy burst into tears and Rose wrapped her arms around her. She hugged her tight and rubbed her back while she cried all the pain that was still hurting her heart.

x

Zachary was worried. He had watched Maxence working and entering all the formula he had written on the wall on his personal space. Zachary had transferred the data to Tegan for him to approve of them. He would have to talk with Rose to be sure this was exact and to use those formula for their researches. But that wasn’t the reason why Zachary was so worried. After he was done, Maxence had cleaned the walls and instead of pacing around his cage, he had lain down and closed his eyes as if he was gonna sleep. At first, Zachary had thought he was doing it out of habit – a habit from when he was human – or because he was simply bored and wanted to look at the ceiling like he was often doing. Allegro was watching a movie in his cell. There was nothing to worry about for him. However, for Maxence, things were getting complicated. His brain seemed to have switched to a standby mode. A sort of sleep that wasn’t really sleep. He was just lying there with his eyes closed. Zachary was keeping an eye on his vital signs. His brain activity had reduced to the minimum, to the very minimum. If Zach didn’t have the other information under his eyes, he would think that the man was dead or about to be. Maybe he was dying. Zachary wasn’t very qualified on this field but he was clever enough to understand that something was wrong. The vital signs weren’t good at all. He entered an alert on their interactive group work. Someone needed to come and do a check up on him. Just to be sure that the fake cure given to him wasn’t having any effect on him anymore. Just a precaution not to lose him all of a sudden. Tegan was busy with the hacker and the maker of this fake cure at the moment and he wouldn’t be able to come before he was done. Rose had gone with Amy a little moment ago and they hadn’t come back yet. Jack and Clara were checking new formulas with Martha. Liv was probably getting some rest somewhere. All the qualified people of this team were busy elsewhere. Zachary hoped they would see the alert before anything happened to Maxence. That could be really bad. Allegro, on the other hand, was perfectly fine. All the effects of the ultraviolet were gone since they had turned off the lights and he hadn’t had any other fit of anger. Another check up was supposed to be done on him. If he was getting three negatives in a row, he would be able to come out of this place. It would be a relief but he wasn’t putting his hopes too high. He was bored in this cage but he was also very safe. Zachary was often chatting with him whenever he was having a small break. “Any good zombie movies to recommend to me?” It was just yesterday. Allegro was in a quite good mood and he wanted to joke. A zombie movie really was the easiest of jokes in the current times. That was why Allegro had asked for this. “What makes you think I’m a fan of zombie movies?” “You’re quite young. Young people love scaring themselves with those sorts of movies.” “Sorry to disappoint you, I’m prefer comedies and anime series. I love a good documentary too.” “Still a kid inside.” “What’s the point of growing up if you can’t be childish at times?” “I like your philosophy but I unfortunately have seen too many horrors to find my innocence again.” Just like Jack, Allegro had been a soldier before. When his contract with the army was over, he hadn’t renewed it. Instead, he had started looking for small jobs that were less stressful and that didn’t require traveling that much. That’s how he had ended up being a security member of this lab. Not a bad job during the good times. “You’re locked in there for a while, why not bringing back all those memories from your childhood? I’m sure the cartoons you used to watch are still available.” “How old do you think I am?” Zachary chuckled. He knew how old Allegro was. He was gonna turn forty soon. On normal times, some of his colleagues would have organised a small surprise party. Just to celebrate this special day. This lab could be such a perfect place sometimes. “Old enough to listen to those songs no one knows on Jazz FM.” “I like this radio. It’s relaxing.” “More a fan of Beethoven, me.” “That is surprising.” “I like rock music. I wish I could have gone to a Maiden concert. I guess it’s a dream that will never come true though.” “You can’t know. They maybe will find a cure that will save this world.” “It will take a while before people start trusting other people again to gather into public places.” “There’s this band I really like. A French band. It’s quite special but it’s really good. Ever heard of Indochine?” “If that’s not about this part of the world, then, I don’t what it is.” “It inspired the name. Listen to it. It’s really nice.” That’s how Zach had ended up on YouTube to listen to that French band while Allegro was taking a nap. Old school, bit weird, but very good. He really liked the music. Some of their songs were bringing energy and good vibes. It certainly was appreciated. “Are you watching one of those cartoons again?” joked Allegro. “Nope.” “That seems entertaining.” “It is. That’s the band you’ve told me about. I don’t understand half the lyrics but their music is nice.” “You can’t understand them. There isn’t any sense to their lyrics most of the time.” “Not sure about it.” “That’s not what’s causing you to be so anxious though.” “No. I’m keeping an eye on Maxence’s vital signs and they haven’t been good for a couple hours. I’ve entered an alert but no one has seen it yet.” “Is this that bad?” “If there wasn’t this information on my screen, I’d thought he’s dead. He hasn’t moved in hours.” “And no one had come? That’s weird.” “They’re all busy. T is on the hacker case. Rose is with the therapist. Jack and Clara and Martha are busy with some new formulas. I have no idea where Liv can be. And there’s nothing…” He was interrupted in his explanation by the striding sound and the red alert on his screens. Maxence sat up straight suddenly, gasping for air. He tapped the wall for someone to help him. Zach was powerless but thankfully, he saw Liv, fully dressed into a hazmat suit, running straight to his cage. She had seen the alert, he thought with relief. Maxence was coughing now. He still couldn’t breathe. He fell down the bed, on his hands and knees. Liv tried to talk to him but he wasn’t listening. All he wanted was air. She placed an oxygen mask on his face. He greedily breathed in that pure air finally reaching his lungs. “Breathe slowly, Maxence. Very slowly.” He wasn’t listening. He was too focused on taking as much air as he could. He was feeling better now that he could breathe again. He looked up at Liv and saw the sadness and fear in her eyes. She pressed her fingers on his ear briefly and pulled them back. The tip of her gloves was covered with a crimson sticky fluid. Blood. He touched his face, his ears, his nose, his mouth and his fingers were covered with the same blood. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t good at all. “We’re gonna have to make you go through another scan.” She had seen his latest results and they were bad. Jack had created an alert about it earlier this week. Zachary’s had made an echo to this alert and was telling them that the situation was getting worse. Maxence was fighting the virus and it was slowly killing him. Liv cupped his cheek. “You have to stop fighting. I know you don’t want to, but you have to. It’s important. You’re dying, Maxence.” Dying. The word echoed in his mind. Wasn’t he already dying? Wasn’t he dead since the moment he had been infected? He wanted to get better and he needed to be himself to find that cure. He couldn’t be himself if he stopped fighting. Rose wanted him to fight. So he had to keep fighting. Whatever it caused him. “I’m serious, Max. You might not hold on until we find that cure if you don’t let the virus win.” He shook his head and put the mask back on his face. Liv was amazed to see how aware he was of his surroundings. She knew it was because he was fighting but it was still a shock to see it. “Rose will understand. Nightwalkers don’t die from the virus unless they get involved in fights. You can’t be both. You’ll get back to your real self, but not now.” He pushed the mask away once again. His breathing was much better. He didn’t need it anymore. He gave it back to Liv. She would probably have to destroy it now. She wouldn’t use it on someone healthy. Or she would keep it for him if he was having another fit. “You can let go. It’s okay.” He didn’t want to. He refused to. He didn’t want to abandon his friends, his team. He wanted to help them as much as he could. Even if he had to die for this. He shook his head and Liv took her hand away from his face. “I’ll always be there to save you like you’ve saved me if you keep fighting. I won’t let you die.” He was surprised by the sudden change of speech from the young woman. What was making her change her mind so quickly? There must be a reason for that. “You never gave up when I was in troubles,” she murmured. “So I’m never gonna give up until you’re better.” Next thing he knew, she was hugging him tight. The plastic of the suit creaked. It was rather unpleasant to feel this against his skin but it was the first time he was given a hug in forever. So he hugged her back. It wasn’t the same as hugging Rose but it was okay. He liked it. Finally someone wasn’t afraid of the nightwalker him.

x

Tegan quickly walked to the public workspace where Camden and Donna were working. Camden had asked for him to come because they had found a clue for the patient zero. Even if it was good news, he wasn’t pleased to be interrupted in his rest. He had sorted things out with Colin and made him lock away in an empty area of the lab with guards to be sure he wouldn’t run away. It was also for him to be fed and taken care of if there was any problem. This was a solved case. While he was resting after Liv healed him, there had been this alert from Zachary that was causing him to be anxious. So anxious that he was on the edge of panicking. That was why Liv had insisted on him resting. She would check on Maxence and keep him updated. His head was pounding and his face was painful. Colin had quite a punch and doing nothing to protect himself had been a clever but dangerous move. He was paying for it but that pain was highly satisfying knowing the result. He had remained on the couch of his office for a moment before another mail came. A mail from Camden requiring his presence immediately. He had sighed and made his way there. He couldn’t refuse any clue when it was for a cure that would save Maxence. “I hope that’s not a deadlock. I’m not in the mood for fake hopes.” Speaking was hurting because it was using too many muscles that were bruised and sensitive but he couldn’t avoid this conversation. It was too crucial. Donna opened her eyes wide when she saw his face and Camden raised an interrogative eyebrow. This place was rather interesting in the end. The interactions between the scientists seemed to be highly charged. More than in a usual lockdown situation. There were personal matters interfering. It was fascinating. “What has happened to you?” “Bad moves while training.” “I’ve studied biology. This is not an accident.” “Whatever. This is not what brings me here, right?” “Jack and Clara will tell you I’m a very curious man.” “He is,” confirmed Donna. “And I never give up until I have my answers.” “That’s also true,” sighed the red-haired woman. “Well, look for all the answers you want and give me what I’ve come for.” Tegan sat down on the chair facing Camden and pushed the cardboard boxes that were in front of him. He folded his arms on his chest. He wanted to go back to his couch with an ice pack and an aspirin. But he was as curious as Camden and wanted his answers. “As a scientist, you must know what the Xeroderma Pigmentosum is.” “Yes. An extremely rare disease that makes every patient unable to bear the UV lights.” “And did you know there were researches to find a cure?” “Just like every cancer on Earth, there always has been researches for Xeroderma Pigmentosum. Get straight to the point.” Camden gathered a couple of papers that were scattered in front of him and pushed them toward Tegan. The neurologist took them. He didn’t understand where Camden was going but it was because his pain was distracting him. “We’ve found out that the most important researches were done by someone called Myrtle Appleton. Here, in England.” “However,” continued Donna, “she was sacked from the lab she was working in because she was using unconventional methods. It was a couple days before the virus hit the world officially.” “But she didn’t stop her researches. She has done them clandestinely.” “So, you’re telling me that this Myrtle Appleton was running experiences secretly and that one of these experiences might have gone wrong and provoked this whole mess?” “Yes.” Tegan put the documents down. He hadn’t even read them. His mind was focused on something else, something that didn’t please him at all. He jumped to his feet and left the workspace. He made his way to the empty part of the building where Colin was locked. Their paths kept crossing and Tegan really, really hated it…

To be continued...

Ghost of you © | 2017 - 2018 | Tous droits réservés.

×××

In the next chapter:

Colin was outrageously relaxed for someone who had been sacked and locked away. Tegan was resisting the envy of throwing him out of the lab and letting him see how he would survive out there. It was a chance that it hadn’t done it yet since Colin was gonna be really useful if he accepted to speak. Tegan wouldn’t get inside his prison. It would be playing Colin’s game. He would just do what he had to do by staying outside. One black eye was enough for him. He observed Colin. The scientist was laid on the desk of the room and watching the ceiling. He had a smirk on his face. He didn’t seem bothered at all by the whole situation. He was annoyed to have been caught but he was living it quite well. And this was infuriating Tegan. How could this mad scientist be so happy with himself when he almost killed a man?

×××

← Last || Next →

English version:

AO3 || FF || TS || Wattpad.

[bluepriestess]

Chloe X Fem!Reader

Wordcount: 2.6k

Warnings: Smut! 18+ Only!, alcoholic drinks

Summary: Chloe and Reader have a little fun at the stations Christmas party 🎄

A/N: hi ok this is my first detroit become human fic so sorry if this isnt up to par with other fics youve read for this fandom lol :( if you have any advice and can phrase it in a non asshole way, drop it in the ask box (also I told you it was going to be gay @ax700)

You exited the taxi, cold, crisp air nipping at your skin. Snow fell like cherry blossoms from the sky and crunched under your feet as you made your way into the station.

It was December 23rd, 2039. A little over a year after the Android revolution. Everything had changed so much since then. Soon after, President Warren had passed an Android rights act stating that androids we're equal to humans and that they had to be treated as such, among other things. You had started working at the Detroit police station not too long after the revolution. The first 20 cases you had worked on were ones regarding human on android crimes. Even now, it was still hard for people who didn't believe they were alive to accept it.

You entered the station and loud music mixed with laughter filled your ears. Taking off your coat and scarf, you hand it to what looks like a dressing room attendant on the other side of the station's front desk. The woman in a black cardigan with her hair pulled into a ballerina bun gives you a warm smile as she gives you a little paper ticket with a number on it, probably so you know which bin had your belongings in. You notice the LED circle on the side of her head. Most androids removed theirs nowadays, as it wasn't required of them to have anymore.

You head into the office area and everything gets louder. Today is the office Christmas party, and everyone is really letting loose. You scan the room to find some familiar faces. Gavin is leaning against a wall, chatting up one of the regular secretaries who looks less than interested in what he has to say. You roll your eyes and look away, back to the crowd, eyes falling on Detective Collins and his wife, chatting with some other officers and their spouses.

Finally finding your friends, you make your way over to Hank and Connor, who are engaged in some heated conversation. You grab a drink off of a waiters tray who is passing by and lean against Hanks desk, next to Connor.

”You don't know what the fuck you're talking about, it's not like you've ever been on a date, ya tin can.” Hank yells over the music. Connor just shakes his head.

”Be that as it may, I still have infinite access to many channels on the internet and statistically speaking, just asking someone if they would like to get dinner sometime should work. My probability system says it has a 86% chance of working. 92% if you make idle conversation beforehand.” Connor says a matter of fact. You take a sip of the fruity drink before speaking.

”What are we arguing about now, children?” You lean forward a little bit to make sure they can hear you. Hank and Connor look at you and realize you're here. You can tell Hank is going to change the subject but Connor beats him to the punch.

”Hank was asking for dating advice. But now he is refusing it because I have never been on a date.” Connor says, turning to face you. Hank looks away in frustration, getting a giggle from you.

“Don’t get too carried away, I don’t want to have to arrest you two for getting into a fist fight over who knows how to woo someone better.”

You looked away at the crowd and that's when you see her. She was one of Kamski’s many Chloe androids. She had the signature low ponytail, but she had on a floral long sleeved crop top and matching pencil skirt. You had talked to her a million times while on duty, as she worked as an android crisis counselor for androids who had just come out of an abusive situation. Her office was deeper in the station. She was one of few Chloes that had decided to leave Kamskis after the revolution.

She was chatting with some other android officers, drink in hand. You don't hear Hank say something to you until Connor is waving his hand in front of your face.

”Speaking of relationship advice, looks like you need some.” Hank teases. You give him the death glare as your face turns bright red, either from embarrassment or the alcohol, but whose to say. ”You've been fawning after her for months, maybe you should go talk to her.”

”As inexperienced as Hank is, I have to agree.” Connor says, laughing as he earns a smack in the chest from Hank.  You bite your lip and look back to her, she happens to look over at you at the same time. Your eyes go wide and you turn away immediately, face growing redder. Hopefully, you could survive this night without your heart giving out.

*****

4 drinks in, it was easy to tell you were feeling it. Face flush, hair slightly slicked with sweat, and giggly as hell. You had started to mingle with other officers and detectives when your liquid courage started to flow through your veins. You hung on one of your colleagues as you laughed at something they said.

”I’ll be right back, don't have too much fun without me!” You said, laughing. The group waved you off. The trek to the bathroom was slow, even though you weren't completely drunk. Having 4 inch, thin stemmed heels didn't help though.

The bathroom was dimly lit, and empty. Your heels clicked against the tile as you made your way over to the mirror. Your makeup was still intact, believe it or not. You looked at yourself in the mirror for a moment, doing the ”drunk stare at self in the mirror” thing, when you heard someone walk in. You turned to look at the person and froze.

Chloe gave you a warm smile and nod, walking over to a sink a few down from yours, and checked her own makeup. You must have been staring like a deer in the headlights because she turns to you and says, ”Is there something on my face?” You, for some reason, look around and then back to her.

”Are you talking to me?” You whisper, mind imploding on itself. Every part of your body was on fire and Ice at the same time. She was perfect in every way, besides for the fact that she was designed that way. Who she was as a person, amazed you.

She looked around, confused, but quickly dismissed it.

”We haven't seen much of each other lately. How have you been?” She takes a few steps in your direction until she is right in front of you. Even though you feel your heart in your throat, you reply.

”I-I’ve been good... How have y-you've been?” You manage to get out, trying to play it cool. She looks at you with what looks like adoration, but you refuse to see it.

”I have been enjoying my time here at the station. I would be enjoying it a lot more if I got to be out in the main office, with everyone, with you.” This causes you to nearly fall over, but you death grip the counter so you don't.

”W-What do you mean? Your office is lovely. Wish I could be in there- I mean in that area, not your office, not saying being in your office with you is a bad thing but I-” You're cut off by Chloe cupping your cheek with her hand and pulling you into a deep kiss. You're caught off guard, to say the least, but you slowly ease into the kiss, resting your hand on her waist.

She pulls away and tucks a lock of hair behind your ear, trailing her hand down your jawline.

”I've been wanting to do that for a while now.” She says, her voice sounds like honey, warm and sweet.

”Me too...” You trail off.

Her eyes light up. She grabs your hand and leads you out of the bathroom. You go the opposite way of the party and head towards the station bunk room. It's a room with a couch, a little kitchen, and some beds. It's not used as much anymore since androids were made, so officers aren't spending hours upon hours at the office and needing a place to crash.

She peaks in and sees it in it's usual state, empty. She pulls you in and slams the door shut, locking the door. Before you can say anything, you're pushed against the door, your lips on hers. Her hands are keeping your hips flush against hers. Your mind is reeling, and barely processing what's happening until she does something new that restarts your brain all over again.

She licks your lower lip, trying to gain entry into your mouth. You give it to her, and you moan into her. Her hands begin to explore your body, giving your ass a squeeze before she snakes her hand up your shirt to massage your chest.

Her lips leave your mouth to start kissing and sucking on your neck. Your hand makes it way up to her hair, entangling yourself in it, giving it a light grip. She moans as you do this, she then lightly bites neck. You gasp out more of surprise than pain, but she continues to give little love bites all up and down your neck and shoulders.

She slowly starts to guide you over to a bed, taking your shirt off as you go. You fall back onto the small bed and Chloe climbs onto of you, immediately kissing your jawline, and moving down. You put one hand back into her hair and rest the other at your side, gripping the sheets. She makes her way to your chest and leaves hickeys all over. She moves her hand under your back to unclip your bra, but first she looks to you for permission, which you hastily nod your head, causing her to giggle.

She flings your bra to the ground and you fight back the urge to cover your chest. This is the first time you had really been vulnerable like this, let alone with an android, with a woman. She seems to sense your hesitation.

”If at any point you want to stop or slow down, let me know.” She says as she plants a kiss on your forehead. This relaxes you and sparks a new fire inside you.

She cups one of your breasts and runs her thumb over your hardened bud. You inhale sharply and ease into her touch. She takes your other nipple into her mouth as she fondles the other. You moan and grip the sheets tightly.  You never in a million years would have thought this is how you would spend today. Engaging in questionable activities with your coworker while at work.

Chloe lightly biting your nipple brought you back to reality with a gasp. You opened your eyes to look at Chloe. She had her own eyes fixed on yours, causing you to whimper. It was a simple action, yet so intimate.

You ground your hips against her knee that was in between your legs, needing some kind of friction. She caught on what you were signaling and removed her hand from your breast. She slowly traced her hand down your stomach and stopped at the hem of our leggings. She slipped one finger into your hemline and began to pull them down.

You raised your hips slightly so that she could pull down your leggings, helping her with your free hand. You kicked off your heels and shimmied off  your leggings next. You were completely naked under Chloe. She pulls back for a moment to admire you, making you blush. Her eyes shift from loving to lustful within a moments notice.

She leans down to kiss you as her hand reaches down and massages your thigh, making you squeak out of surprise. She softly laughs against your lips. Her hand begins to move upward until she is just centimeters from your heat. She pulls back to make sure you’re comfortable. You nod and she comes back down to kiss you neck.

Her fingers trace your slit and you groan, you haven’t been touched like this in so long. You can faintly hear the bustle of the party, hoping that no one will interrupt.

Her fingers gather a little bit of your slick and begins to massage circles around your clit, your hips instinctively move with her hand.

“I’ve dreamed of this for a while now, since the first time I saw you...” Chloe whispers to your ear.

“Me too...” You say breathless. She removes her fingers from your clit and inserts one digit inside, curling it. You whimper. She pumps slowly at first but then transitions to a stay pace, adding another finger. You drag your nails down her back as you quietly moan.

She suddenly removes her and brings it up to her face, licking her fingers, which causes you to blush even more, if that’s even possible.

“You taste so good.” She says as she gets up and positions her head between your legs, holding onto your thighs with her hands. You can’t believe she’s about to go down on you.

She kisses your inner thighs up to your mound, and then kisses your slit. You lay your head back and groan. Your eyes squeezed shut.

She pokes her tongue and slowly circles your clit, your hips angle upward in response. This was the first time anyone had ever gone down on you, you could already tell it was going to blow your mind.

She gives you a few licks up and down your entrance before focusing on your clit, as she fingers you. You let out a moan, toes curling. You look down at her and make eye contact with Chloe’s perfectly blue eyes. How long had she been watching you come undone by her doing?

She picked up her pace and then you started to feel the coil in your loins start to form.

“Chloe... I’m uh...” You pressed your head into the mattress, breathing becoming loud and heavy. You knew you should have tried to be quiet but it just felt so goddamn good you couldn’t help yourself.

You moaned Chloe’s name loudly as you came, Chloe keeping you hips in place as she let you ride her face to your finish.

As you came down from your high Chloe had moved out from between your legs and kneeled at the side of the bed, resting her head on her arms as she just simply stared at you. You looked at her with your glazed over, post orgasm eyes.

“I suppose we should get back to the party...” Chloe said, brushing a strand of hair out of your face.

“Or we can go back to my place and pop in a movie? If you want I mean... I feel like I need to do something in return for you doing... that....” You said as you got up to redress. Chloe weighed her options for a moment.

“I would like that very much.” Chloe stood and helped you fix your hair so it didn’t scream “I just got blown and finger blasted at my place of business”.

You and Chloe unlock the door and begin to walk out when you’re met with a blushing Hank and Connor. You just stare at the other pair in horror, mouth agape.

“Chloe was just showing me the old bunk room, I didn’t even know we had it, nice party isn’t it? Ok gotta go!” You grab Chloe’s hand and make a b line for the party, a laughing Chloe in tow, leaving Hank and Connor glued in place, shocked.

You could hear Hank yell after you, “That’s not what I meant when I said to talk to her!”

[voraginous-blog]

==>Vriska: Visit Dave.

((Long log RP where Dave and Vriska talk about things and just be generally cute. @1neffabl3))

[10:21] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] arrives almost exactly fifteen minutes later, appearifying with a bag of sweets to go with their coffee. She looks frustrated and tired, but gives him a smirk anyway when she steps from the platform. --

[10:21] AG: I got snacks.

[10:22] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] turns quickly towards the platform when the transportalizer goes off, giving Vriska a small smile. Two coffee cups in his hands, he walks towards her from the kitchen gesturing one at her. --

[10:22] TG: i see. thank you. i forgot about the snack part. got two cups of coffee. you need cream in yours?

[10:23] AG: I'll drink it str8 this time. What did you want to talk a8out?

[10:24] TG: i just wanted to talk in person about the the stuff that we talked about. like the me being real thing, and the dirk thing, and everything pretty much. i just wanted to see you, too.

[10:25] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] takes her coffee with a heavy sigh, sipping it while eyeing him over the rim of the cup. --

[10:25] AG: It's not that deep.

[10:25] AG: None of it is.

[10:27] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] takes a sip as well, then another, exhaling nervously after swallowing the coffee. --

[10:27] TG: i know its not /that/ deep, but i still just wanted to talk about it. im curious. i know curiosity kills the cat, but satisfaction will bring it right back.

[10:27] TG: im the cat in this situation.

[10:27] TG: did you talk about this whole thing with sollux?

[10:28] AG: No. I only warned him like I warned you.

[10:30] TG: about whats going on in a day?

[10:34] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] brushes by him with a nod, her lips pursed when she glances back at him after sitting down on the nearer couch. --

[10:34] AG: Dave that's also not that deep.

[10:34] AG: Your 8rother is an asshole and he's messed with the wrong person. I don't want you thinking I'm trying to white knight you or something.

[10:35] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] purses his lips together in return, taking another sip of his coffee and leaning against the kitchen counter with his elbows. --

[10:36] TG: its a little deep. youre putting your life at risk here, you know? i think thats pretty deep.

[10:36] AG: It's not!

[10:36] TG: i dont think youre trying to white knight me. i just feel bad as us being together was the instigator for the fight happening, and part of me feels guilty. but i already mentioned that.

[10:38] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] scoffs at his wording, rolling her eyes over her coffee cup again. --

[10:38] AG: Now you're looking too deeply into it.

[10:40] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] rolls his eyes back at her, taking another long sip from his cup. He opens his mouth to reply, pauses, and shuts it, mulling over some thoughts in his head. --

[10:40] TG: how am i looking to deep into this?

[10:42] AG: He pro8a8ly.

[10:42] AG: Thinks that this will 8e some grand gesture of how humans are 8etter than us to 8egin with.

[10:43] AG: He's pro8a8ly just using you as an excuse so he doesn't look 8ad over it.

[10:43] AG: He o8viously h8s us, Dave.

[10:44] TG: i know he does. he makes it very clear whenever you guys deign to step on his toes about anything. i dont know why. hes ranted about it before but i never know what to say, or how to reply. i always have the words fall out of my throat when he talks about that kind of stuff.

[10:44] TG: if it was some grand gesture though, i dont think hed use me for it.

[10:48] AG: You think he's actually 8rave enough to just kill one of us to prove a point?

[10:52] TG: i dont think he would, but he might fuck one of us up real bad.

[10:56] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] crosses her legs, the cup resting in her hands against her thigh. The only sounds from her for a while are the quiet taps of her claws against the stoneware as she tries to keep it together. --

[10:56] AG: Dave I... listen. I really sincerely think he plans on just killing me outright and if he does, I pro8a8ly had it coming for taking his 88. 8ut if he does I really don't want you to do anything stupid.

[10:56] AG: You have to make sure Sollux doesn't.

[10:58] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] furrows his eyebrows with a long sigh and finishes the rest of his coffee, setting the empty mug on the counter with a soft 'clink' of ceramic on marble. He hesitates for a brief moment before walking over and sitting on the couch next to Vriska. --

[10:58] TG: i dont know if he has the guts to kill you outright, though. has it been determined if youre allowed to use your abilities?

[10:58] TG: i wont do anything stupid.

[10:58] TG: ill try to stop sollux, but i dont know if ill be able to.

[11:01] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] looks at him for a moment before dropping her gaze to the cup. --

[11:01] AG: I won't use my powers 8ecause I don't need to.

[11:01] AG: I already called him a coward for hiding 8ehind his god tier.

[11:02] TG: his god tier is probably the only reason he thinks he can take you at all.

[11:09] AG: I don't know.

[11:09] AG: I haven't even talked to Nepeta a8out it yet.

[11:10] TG: i think you should at least tell her its going to happen.

[11:10] TG: is it tomorrow?

[11:10] AG: I think the day after tomorrow, since it happened this morning in earth time.

[11:13] TG: then id tell nepeta tomorrow, if you can.

[11:13] TG: she needs to know.

[11:14] AG: I know.

[11:14] AG: 8ut I don't want her getting angry with me.

[11:15] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] shrugs, her lips pursed again. --

[11:16] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] shrugs at her shrug, putting his hands on his knees afterwards and fiddling with the fabric of his jeans. --

[11:16] TG: i think shed be more angry if you didnt tell her, or told her at the last minute.

[11:16] TG: i know that she probably doesnt want you to fight, but if you told her why she might be more understanding.

[11:18] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] scoffs again, softly. This time more to herself. He can't see the frown tugging at her lips through the curtain of her hair but it's deep and full of pain. --

[11:18] AG: How could he say things a8out you like that?

[11:18] AG: Do you even care?

[11:22] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] eyebrows furrow deeper at her question. It took him by surprise, that's for sure. He takes a few moments to collect his thoughts, his brain whirring at a mile a minute. --

[11:22] TG: i think at this point im just used to it, thats all. it doesnt even register until its too late, and im already upset.

[11:25] AG: Fight 8ack.

[11:25] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] speaks the words softly, almost nothing but a whisper. --

[11:29] TG: how? with words? with phsyical fighting?

[11:30] TG: im weak, vriska. dirk knows exactly what buttons to push to make me back off. i can try to fight back though ive just.

[11:30] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] pauses, closing his eyes thoughtfully. --

[11:30] TG: never thought about it.

[11:32] AG: You aren't weak, stupid.

[11:32] AG: Don't 8e a coward.

[11:32] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] looks up finally, glaring at him. --

[11:32] AG: I don't fall for cowards.

[11:36] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] falls silent at her words, eyes wide. --

[11:36] TG: fall for?

[11:39] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] clicks her tongue, standing suddenly. --

[11:39] AG: It's not that deep.

[11:39] TG: i know its not that deep but. just surprised.

[11:39] TG: i wont be a coward anymore.

[11:40] AG: Stand up to him then! Tell him you're pissed a8out what he said!

[11:41] TG: now?

[11:41] AG: Whenever.

[11:41] TG: soon.

[11:41] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] sighs. --

[11:42] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] looks over at Vriska with a worried look. He clasps his hands together and wrings them anxiously. --

[11:42] TG: i. in the morning.

[11:42] TG: i promise.

[11:42] AG: Don't do it for me. Do it for yourself.

[11:42] TG: im doing it for myself.

[11:43] TG: youve just given me the kick in the ass to do it.

[11:43] AG: Good!!!!!!!!

[11:43] TG: im. sorry.

[11:43] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] sighs. --

[11:45] AG: For what now?

[11:45] TG: im sorry for being like this tonight. i dont mean to be like this. im nervous about confronting him (as i always am), im nervous for YOU, im nervous about a lot of things. i just. can you stay the night tonight? you dont have to if you have things to do.

[11:49] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] blinks, her arms crossing under her chest. --

[11:49] AG: If you want me to I will. For as long as I can at least.

[11:50] TG: i do want you to. thats why i asked, silly.

[11:50] TG: you dont mind?

[11:50] AG: Nah. It 8eats sitting around in my quarters stewing all light.

[11:50] AG: Just.

[11:50] TG: you can instead stew here, with me.

[11:50] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] looks him in the eyes with a steady gaze. --

[11:51] AG: Don't read into it too much, okay?

[11:51] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] returns her stare, nodding at her request. --

[11:51] TG: i wont read into it at all. pinky promise.

[11:52] AG: Okay good. I wouldn't want you getting too attached right 8efore I might not 8e around anymore.

[11:53] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] smiles slightly, moving to sit right beside him. --

[11:53] TG: i mean, it might be too late for that, considering im asking you to stay and keep me company, but dont read into that too much, alright?

[11:53] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] returns her smile with one of his own, reaching up and freeing his hair from his ponytail, shaking it free. --

[11:58] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] chuckles softly, leaning over to wrap her arms around him tightly. --

[11:58] AG: I hope it isn't too l8.

[11:58] TG: too l8 for what?

[11:58] AG: Attachment.

[12:00] TG: i hope its not either.

[12:00] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] tentatively places a tiny kiss on her forehead. very tentatively! --

[12:01] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] glances up at him, a sincere smile stretched across her lips. He should consider himself lucky, being one of three people to have ever seen it. --

[12:05] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] smiles back when her smile stretches across her face. She looks absolutely radiant. His cheeks are tinted a subtle red in the dim light of his apartment. He places another kiss on her forehead, firmer this time. --

[12:09] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] laughs softly, reaching up to poke his nose. --

[12:09] AG: 8y the way.

[12:09] AG: You're too warm.

[12:14] TG: you like how warm i am. im like a sexy version of a hot water bottle.

[12:14] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] kisses the tip of her nose at her poking his! --

[12:19] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] rolls her eyes, shoving him away without much force behind it. --

[12:19] AG: Don't get ahead of yourself.

[12:20] TG: ahead of myself how! why are you booing me. im right! im the sexiest water bottle youll ever meet.

[12:20] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] winks! --

[12:20] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] scoffs loudly, throwing herself against the couch with a groan. --

[12:20] AG: Oh gr8, now he's putting on airs.

[12:21] TG: me? put on airs? how very unexpected! theres an impostor in the house.

[12:22] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] continues winking before breaking off into a fit of laughter. --

[12:27] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] groans as she slides off the couch onto the floor, acting as if she's dying from his antics. --

[12:27] AG: Gross, you're too much. I take it 8ack I'm going 8ack to the ship.

[12:27] TG: no you arent. my antics are just enough for you. this is the perfect primetime entertainment to fill up your night.

[12:28] AG: Oh no, I'm getting up as soon as I can gather the strength to go.

[12:28] TG: the strength?

[12:30] AG: I'm dying.

[12:30] TG: of?

[12:31] AG: Em8arrassment.

[12:31] TG: embarrassed? of what? how charming and wonderful and cool i am?

[12:31] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] slides down from the couch next to Vriska, running his hand through his hair with a smile. --

[12:32] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] pouts at him. --

[12:32] AG: You keep saying words I just can't quite understand.

[12:33] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] sneaks a quick kiss on her cheek. --

[12:34] TG: what words would you understand to convey how cool i am?

[12:36] AG: Ones usually starting with an N and ending in erd.

[12:37] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] plants her hand on his face, pushing him away gently. --

[12:37] TG: you cant trick me. that just means nerd!

[12:38] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] pushes him even farther. --

[12:38] AG: Exactly.

[12:39] TG: hey.

[12:39] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] blinks in surprise. --

[12:39] TG: did i say something wrong?

[12:47] AG: No you're just 8eing a huge nerd.

[12:48] TG: YOURE being a huge nerd. its huge nerd city right now, population us.

[12:48] AG: I shouldn't have 8een counted in this census.

[12:49] TG: you did because youre just as big a nerd as i am, if not bigger. our nerd auras rival each other in strength every day.

[12:50] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] groans again, hiding her face in her hands. --

[12:50] AG: Em8arrassing...

[12:52] TG: it isnt. no need to be embarrassed. youre among friends and fellow nerds.

[12:53] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] extends a hand out for her to take, if she'd like. --

[12:54] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] grumbles, taking it with a devious expression playing around her lips. --

[12:55] AG: Well if you say so.

[12:56] TG: whats that look for?

[12:56] AG: What look?

[12:56] TG: that look!

[12:57] AG: This is my regular face.

[12:58] TG: your regular face isnt as devious as this one.

[12:58] AG: So you say.

[12:59] TG: i do say! what are you planning, vriska?

[12:59] AG: Nothing!

[12:59] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] stands up, brushing herself off. --

[12:59] AG: Why do you think I have something planned?

[12:59] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] shrugs, looking up at her from his spot on the floor. --

[01:00] TG: a devious face usually means a plan, but i could be wrong.

[01:01] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] blows him a kiss. --

[01:01] AG: It might.

[01:01] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] blows her a kiss back with a smile. --

[01:01] TG: give me a hint?

[01:03] AG: Nope!

[01:03] TG: vriska! 8(

[01:03] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] stands up quickly, crossing his arms with a pout. --

[01:04] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] shrugs, turning away with a flip of her hair. --

[01:04] AG: You'll find out when you're older.

[01:04] TG: im plenty old, vriska. arent we about the same age?

[01:04] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] pauses. --

[01:05] TG: are you really leaving?

[01:05] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] glances over her shoulder, frowning a little. --

[01:05] AG: No I'm not.

[01:05] AG: 8ut I'm tired.

[01:06] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] nods, biting his lip, before gesturing to the bedroom. --

[01:06] TG: you can always go to bed, if youd like. i dont know if you use beds? some trolls do, right?

[01:06] AG: I do.

[01:07] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] offers her hand with sarcastic daintiness. --

[01:07] AG: Lead the way, sir knight.

[01:07] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] smiles and gently takes her hand, leading her towards the very soft, plush bed in the middle of his bedroom. A few candles are flickering on his bedside table. --

[01:08] TG: here you are, my thief.

[01:08] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] snorts, throwing herself into the bed without much thought. --

[01:08] AG: Ah sleep.

[01:08] TG: you want me to go to bed with you now or slide in when youre asleep? i can write until i hear snoring.

[01:09] AG: I don't snore!!!!!!!!

[01:09] AG: Do what you want, asshat.

[01:09] TG: you definitely snore. 8;)

[01:09] AG: I do not.

[01:09] TG: prove it! im the only one thats able to hear it right now, and boy, do i definitely hear it.

[01:09] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] smiles! --

[01:10] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] rolls her eyes, burying her face in a pillow as she flips him the bird. --

[01:11] AG: I don't snore 8ut you sure do!

[01:20] TG: proof! i need solid proof of this!

[01:21] AG: Oh no I just know you do. It's pretty 8ad.

[01:27] TG: i can 100% guarentee that mine is much more palatable than yours. youre sawing wood all night long, vriska.

[01:27] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] smiles, his tone teasing. --

[01:29] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] clicks her tongue, shaking her head against the pillow. --

[01:29] AG: You wound me.

[01:30] TG: im just teasing. we both snore at the same volume.

[01:30] AG: Or may8e neither of us snore.

[01:31] TG: hm. that could be the case, but then my teasing would have no weight!

[01:32] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] sits down on the bed with a soft sigh, running a hand through his hair. --

[01:32] TG: its sleep time for the both of us, i think.

[01:38] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] nods, glancing up at him. --

[01:38] AG: Good idea.

[01:39] TG: im full of them.

[01:39] AG: De88a8le.

[01:39] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] smiles lazily, mussing his hair with a yawn before leaning over and giving her a cheek kiss. --

[01:39] TG: no de88 here. just facts.

[01:39] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] turns her head at the last moment to make it a kiss kiss, and then smirks. --

[01:40] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] blushes! --

[01:40] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] pats the bed. --

[01:40] AG: Come on, I'm tired.

[01:41] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] nods, wiggling out of his shirt and pants to slide on a pair of pj pants, before sliding under the covers next to Vriska. --

[01:41] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] wiggles over to rest against his chest. --

[01:41] AG: Goodnight Dave.

[01:41] TG: goodnight vriska. leave me a note if you leave before i wake up.

[01:43] AG: I will.

[01:43] TG: thank you. sleep good.

[01:44] -- aquarelleGrandiloquence [AG] closes her eyes, dozing almost instantly. --

[01:44] AG: I will...

[01:44] -- tactileGrandiloquence [TG] smiles softly, giving the crown of her head a soft sleep before passing out himself. --

[onlyjihoons]

figureskater!jihoon

a/n: based off this picture!

you and jihoon had this unspoken rivalry that till this day, no one knows why

except your coach and jihoon

essentially, you and jihoon trained under the same coach when the two of you were younger

one day your coach praised you for nailing a camel spin and jihoon was jealous

not because he didnt have the ability to do so, but your coach rarely compliments the both of you

so from then on he started to lowkey hate you bc you were the "first" skater to break the "no compliment" facąde of your coach

and then it just got worse when the both of you started to enter competitions

the both of you do top your catergories and your coach praised the both of you nonetheless

but jihoon cant seem to let the hatred go,, despite being older than you

your coach found it funny how jihoon couldnt let his childhood jealousy go after so many years of training together

like,,, youve matured in your looks but not your jealousy??

you on the other hand had no idea why jihoon hated you sm

so you just hated him back LOL

during training, the both of you would be uber competetive

oh jihoon did a double axel? you would do a triple axel and double toe combination

oh you did a biellman spin?? jihoon would do a biellman spin and then an I spin right after

thank you wikipedia and yuzuru hanyu

its just hella competetive between the both of you its just so funny

your fellow best friend, also figure skater!daehwi would lowkey be worried for you

bc all those spins and jumps?? like wont you fall or smth

you just huffed, "yah, lee daehwi, are you underestimating me rn??"

"no, im just afraid that you will get hurt:(("

on the other hand, fellow figure skater!guanlin tries to salvage a friendship

"but hyung, she did nothing wrong to--"

"shut up guanlin you know no shit"

you do have friends you meet outside of korea during competitions

like,, wakaba higuchi(yall i love her ksndksksm)

and they always tease you about jihoon

but you always shake your head and threaten to loosen the laces in their skates if they uttered the word "Jihoon" one more time

during competition season it was always common for fellow skaters to evaluate between themselves

and this time, ice prince baejin was your mentor

(also do check out iris' figure skater!baejin)

he was like the yuzuru hanyu of your team

there was this certain element in your routine which was pretty difficult to nail

which is a triple axel and a triple loop

you asked your coach to cut it down to a double loop instead but he told you he had faith in you so you felt bad and just tried to nail it from scratch

and of course, baejin was worried but neither was he in any position to change your routine

so he had to help you and guide you through

he was patient in every step and made sure your landing does not compromise on your ankle

meanwhile, as jihoon watched the both of you interact he cant help but to feel a certain feeling bubbling at the put of his stomach

was it jealousy? was it anger?

he could only watch afar when baejin pulled you up from your fall as the both of you exchanged giggles

so jihoon just skated around the rink, trying to show off a few jumps and spins as perfect as possible

baejin saw it, and smirked, "why dont your coach get Jihoon-hyung to help you? hes the best at jumps though,"

you could only smile sheepishly, "we arent really close enough to do that"

"ah..." it all clicked in baejin's head already, "not close enough--ow!"

"youre supposed to coach me, not play cupid."

on the competition day, as you practiced the dreaded combination on flat ground, you did exactly as what baejin told you to do and your coach was proud

until... you went on ice

you were not the type to make any mistakes on ice, but the combination failed you as you landed quite roughly and fell

you heard multiple gasps from the audience and could already visualise yourself getting cut out of the team

nonetheless, you continued on and finished the routine nicely

as you exited the rink, tears were already forming when your coach tried to comfort you, and you quickly shrugged on your jacket

in the end, you were placed as a runner up, which wasnt bad but not up to your expectations

when you walked back to the locker room, you walked past jihoon and his friends who were seemingly laughing about something

"yah, did you see her fall? it was tragic" you heard one of his friends snicker

"i know right, shes gonna get cut off."

you glared at jihoon, whilst he was still smiling at their joke

and that made you hate jihoon even more

having the audacity to hate you for no reason and now laughing at your fall? he was being such a blatant bitch about it and wasnt even sorry

you stormed off, exiting the gymnasium to get some fresh air

then settling on a park bench and sighing into your slouch

your brain took over the rest of your feelings as your tears stained your face again, makeup long erased from your previous tears

just then, you felt a presence beside you and looked up, it was jihoon, carrying a plastic bag

your rolled your eyes as you got ready to stand up, an arm pulling you back into your seat

"what? are you gonna laugh at me more for my fall? mr perfect jumps?" you sniffed

"you idiot," jihoon shook his head as he took out a bandage and some dettol,"you dont even notice that youre bleeding"

you looked at your left shin, and heck, it was, blood cascading down your legs and staining your white nikes

"give me your leg," jihoon patted his tigh as he shrugged off his jacket and placed it on your tighs

you obediently complied, as jihoon gently dressed your wound and occasionally asking you if the dettol was stinging

you were genuinely touched that jihoon would actually care for you though, since he has been hating you for so long

after he bandaged your wound, he cleared his throat awkwardly,

"if you want me to i can beat up those bastards for you, they got a scolding from me already--"

you were surprised that jihoon actually wasnt laughing with them, as you giggled

"its fine, they wont even be able to make it to the team anyways"

jihoon raised his eyebrows, as he cleared his throat again, "do you want to watch my routine later? coach choi said that it was my personal best"

you scoffed as you rolled your eyes, he was using your coach to make you jealous

"yeah sure, i'll see if coach choi's right"

"then i'll--"

just then, jihoon's phone rang, and he pulled his phone away from his ear as soon as he picked it up

"i'm sorry, i gotta go now"

before you could return jihoon his jacket, he disappeared into the gymnasium already

you begrudgingly sat beside your coach as you watch jihoon prepare himself on ice

no doubt, he looked hella good in his costume, a white button up and black pants

what made you more surprised was the song he was skating to

it was Spring Day by BTS

you remember yourself always playing Spring Day in the background when you warmed up in the rink during practice

it was your favourite song

when the song was reaching its climax, jihoon did a series of triple axels and quads, which was honestly really pretty and he landed perfectly

during the chorus he actually danced on the ice?? like wOaH

you were throughly impressed honestly, it takes alot of effort and skill to be able to dance on ice

with stray parts of his blonde hair flying wind, he looked ethereal

you getting snatched was an understatement

during the bridge, he did a quad lutz which was, really mind blowing

in the end, jihoon did clinch that champion title

you swore if he didnt get that you would physically fight the judges

you thought jihoon would saunter to you just to show off that he was the champion,, but no

he gave you the flowers he was gifted with one of his knees on the floor

“y/n... i know we have been hating on each other for the longest time, i really dont want to keep up with this honestly, will you be my girlfriend?”

before you could turn to your coach, he was already filming the whole ordeal on his mobile phone

you shyly nodded, as jihoon picked you up and spun you around aaa

the next thing you saw trending on the internet was you and jihoon’s relationship LOL

dating jihoon didn’t make the competetiveness go away tbh

except that jihoon would actually stop when he thinks its too dangerous for you to attempt

warm up is no longer you warming up alone

jihoon warms up with you with cheeky rounds of tag on ice

you have never fell on ice thanks to jihoon

because that boy would blast to your side just to catch you

“i told you to be careful babe, im not always here to catch you when you fall”

the type who will actually send a video of himself doing aegyo before you go in for competitions just to make you laugh and relax

its not that you hate it, you just find it funny

he is now your unofficial coach as well, aiding in your jumps and spins

“i love figure skating, and thanks to it i met the girl i love.”

[4yutaeil]

prince johnny & the mermaid

(its u. ur the mermaid) 

ft. some other nct princes & mermen 

basically takes place in the same au as mermaid taeyong which if u havent read is here! 

so ... ur a mermaid princess from a different kingdom 2 taeyong n the rest of the nct mermaid gang.

& you’re visiting because the Ruler of Ur Kingdom (ur dad) has 2 go for the annual Mermaid Council Meeting and is like “listen you’re the next in line to rule you have to come.. You need to learn what your responsibilities are gonna be” 

n you dont rlly wanna go but you’re like FINE whatever. 

so you tag along & u dont rlly bother meeting the citizens of the nct kingdom bc you’re gonna be there for like a week tops before u gotta leave again so whats??? the Point. 

u basically plan to spend the week in ur Luxurious Clam Shell sleeping.

but you get bored so u decide to swim off towards the castle bc u overheard someone saying how pretty it is so u wanna see for yourself!!! 

bc ur kingdom is in the middle of the Ocean so you’ve never actually seen a castle. or Humans rlly. 

But you’ve heard about them! 

so you’re swimming 2 the castle when u hear someone singing ... and you’re like okay well im the only mermaid here so!! thats gotta be a HUMAN 

so u poke ur head out of the water but u dont .... see anyone? 

but u recognise the song they’re singing so once they’ve stopped u sing the next part of the song back 2 them ... hiding behind a rock so they dont see u O F C ! 

you’re not about 2 get urself caught pffff ! 

& u see a head poke out of one of the windows and ur like TIME TO GO! 

but not without gettin a glance of tht incredibly ,,, ,handsome face ,,, 

anyways this continues for like ! 3 days. u go to the same spot, hear the same beautiful boy singing & sing back 2 him when he stops . 

n he looks out of the window Every! Time! but you’re 2 quick for him 2 see you lol

but then u go back the 4th day ,,, n u hear music but no??? singing?? 

so u go a little closer n perch yourself on a rock tryin 2 get a closer listen, n u hear the most beautiful melody coming from the same room. 

and before u know it you’re humming along.

its not until a little while later tht u realise the music has stopped and ur just going along on ur own and u look up 2 see The Boy(tm)... 

in a white shirt with his sleeves rolled up n these dorky glasses (Y’all know the look im on abt  ..... That Look).

n you’re like .... GOTTA BLAST!!!!!!!! 🐠💨💨💨

n here’s the thing .... prince johnny cannOT stop thinking about u.... nd it was all a ruse ! 

obviously not in a Bad Way he just wanted 2 find out who was fINISHING HIS SONGS BEFORE HE GOT THE CHANCE 

n he didnt.... think you’d be tht beautiful ..... 

& he spots ur tail as ur escaping and he’s like ... HOLD ON A COTTON PICKIN MINUTE ! 

lucky for him ... it was Cupcake Collection Day(tm) for his good Mermaid Pal Taeyong 

so while taeyong is eating his cupcake .... johnny brings up The Topic 

“so uh,,, taeyong,,,  u know pretty much everyone in ur kingdom right???”

taeyong with a mouth full of cupcake: i guess 

“so uh there’s this.... person .... a merperson, if u will, and u Gotta help me find them” 

taeyong: “whats in it for me???”

johnny: “an extra cupcake” 

“make it 12″ 

“6.” 

“ok deal” 

so johnny tells taeyong abt this mermaid ,,,, a Beautiful mermaid with the most Beautiful voice 

“are u sure ur not talking about taeil?” 

“shut up im sure” 

so taeyong is like kk ill help u lol 

“taeyong u cant help him. they have 2 leave in like 2 days” - doyoung

“bUT HE LOVES THEM!!!!” - yuta 

“he hasn’t even met them!!!” 

“IT'S CALLED LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!” 

“that isnt a thing!” 

yuta pulls out a rose & hands it to taeyong “tell them it’s from johnny” 

“where did you even get that from?” - taeyong

“he just carries them around. it’s better not to ask” - johnny 

MEANWHILE you’re at a Boring Mermaid Council Meeting 

“ok listen ,,, we get that ur helping the humans by sabotaging the sirens but ... its gotta stop they’re goin 2 other kingdoms who have Enough Problems” 

and that subject peaks ur interest.

these ... mermaids are sabotaging sirens?? Lmao serves them RIGHT ! 

so after the meeting ,

like, later at night, u hear this off-key singing and you’re like ok what the F

and ofc u gotta check it out because what MerMoron is disgracing ur Entire people like that.

n there u see Merman Moon Taeil, a couple meters behind sirens, hangin out by boats tryin 2 Do Their Thing.

but they can’t because Merman Moon Taeil is singing ,, horribly out of tune and off-key and it Clicks. 

this is how they’re saving sailors lol. singing loudly and off-key to drown out the sirens song . its pretty smart. 

n this guy looks like he’s havin the Time of his Life, so u swim up behind him n join in. 

u 2 are havin a WHALE of a time , singing out of key n just absolutely ruining the sirens favourite pastime 

but then u spot one wander off n you’re like ..... well that’s not suspicious AT ALL 

so u Follow. and then you see this Lone Guy in a tiny boat and you’re like what kinda DUMBASS 

and u poke ur head up to get a look at the idiot that’s on his own & JUST UR LUCK its Cute Castle Guy. 

literally ur only thought is “is this boy actually 100% For Real what is he Doing” 

and u dont! Have time to start singing off key because he’s pretty much already Hooked on this sirens song so .... 

u straight up tackle the thing away from him. No1 is hurting ur Cute Castle Boy with the nice voice. Not on UR Watch .

n ur fightin with this thing for a Good Couple Minutes until it just hisses @ u and goes back 2 its own gang. 

“YEAH THATS RIGHT U RUN AWAY !!! n dONT COME BACK!!” - you until u realise u should Probably check to make sure the boat hasnt crashed or something.

He’s a bit dazed n confused and has No Idea what the Heck just happened

and johnny is so pretty u just kinda stare for a while until ur like Right i should probably ,,, like ,, make sure he doesnt Die.

so with all ur Mighty Mermaid Power u push his boat back 2 shore 

by which time he’s completely Mostly recovered 2 the point he can recognise u and he’s like 

“ITS U!” 

to which you, once again, gotta blast 🐠💨💨💨

but he , being Cute Clumsy Castle Idiot tries 2 be all dramatic and grabs ur arm , 

proceeding 2  FALL Out of his boat face first into wet sand with the occasional wave just .... rolling over him .

and you’re like .... really ??? Really now. Really .

*ur longest deepest sigh ever* 

“are you ok?” 

he holds 1 hand up and does the a-okay sign.

u cover ur mouth so he doesnt hear u LAUGH

he hears it. looks up. gives u that dUMB EMBARRASSED JOHNNY SMILE. (U know the one). 

 n you BLUSH because he’s so gosh Darn CUTE. even if he is an IDIOT. 

“i just wanted 2 make sure u were okay ...” he says in the Sweetest most Caring voice Ever and it makes ur heart melt BEcause .... .

“I COULD HAVE SWAM TO ANOTHER COUNTRY N UR JUST GONNA GRAB MY ARM LIKE THAT U COULD HAVE D I E D!!! I did Not just save u for you to DIE” 

that stupid dumb embarrassed johnny smile is STILL THERE and you’re trying to Convince yourself he is Not Cute Enough for ur poor heart 2 be Racing like This. 

“whatever ,,,,,,,,, im fine thank you” 

but he spots that nasty scratch on ur cheek courtesy of that stupid poor excuse for a sea witch n he .... puts his hand on ur cheek . 

and ur brain is Screaming at u GOTTA GO MY OWN WAY but u cant ... bring urself... to leave bc he’s LOOKING at u ,,,,  

OH Boy ,,,, 

he’s Really ,, Looking at u with those big concerned eyes and ur Poor Heart literally cannot cope like ... his hand is so ,, ,warm and 

even though all he’s done is move a piece of ur hair  ,,, and tucked it behind ur ear ,, 

you’re already feeling a lil bit better.

so instead ur like “pff whatever its just a Scratch” Because You! are One Tough Cookie 

adn u dont need this Beefy arm Boy lookin @ u like That.

“it looks really painful!! Wait here we have a first aid kit in the lifeguard hut!” 

you go 2 stop him but he’s already up and running so all u can do is like ,, roll ur eyes n Sigh & wait for him to come back

n he does and you’re like “Listen u really don’t need to do this im a mermaid we don’t feel pain.” 

he proceeds 2 dab a cotton pad 2 ur cheek & u hiss at him because 

“THAT HURTS !!!” 

“ok 1. i should have warned u its going to sting and 2. ur a LIAR one of the kennel dogs got overhyped & scratched doyoung by accident. he cried like a baby” 

you laugh n johnny thinks ,, its the most beautiful sound in the entire world. 

like he’s got 1 hand by ur cheek trying to clean ur battle wound but he’s just sO ,,, entranced by your laugh that he just , forgets what it was he was doing. 

“hey bud are you ok?” 

“YES! Yes , ,i am sorry i was just ,, where was I.” 

he’s LOOKING at u again and like , you’re honestly Just as lost as he is because ,, 

up close u can finally see his eyes and they are just. so pretty are humans Supposed ??? To be This Pretty?

& suddenly u realise Why humans make statues & paintings of Other Humans because like, wow they’re So Beautiful. 

is there a statue of this breathtaking boy sat in front of you out there somewhere? There should be. 

he clears his throat eventually and runs his hand thru his hair n does a little embarrassed laugh , 

“by the way um ,, did you get that rose ? From taeyong?”

and you’re like “uhhh,, the what from who now?” 

n he hits himself mentally bc DUH Doyoung said u were from another kingdom so like , maybe u never met them he doesn’t know so he’s just like “nevermind!!” 

and that’s when it hits u... You don’t even know Cute Castle Boy’s NAME.

BUT youre leaving soon so u figure it doesnt matter anyways :(

so you’re like uhhh i should ,,, go. thank u for ,,, this.

n he’s like !! wait idk ur name!!!!!

so you tell him,, n he repeats it & like

youve had Literal Ocean Royalty sing ur name to get ur attention but.

it doesnt even COMPARE to the way he says it.

and u tell urself that it doesnt matter. u need to Stop bc you are leaving there is Nothing u can do about it

and he’s about to tell you his name but. it’s just Better for u that you Dont know it and he stays as Cute Castle Guy

so before u can even hear him say his own name You Are Outta There bc!

no! attachments!

esp not to humans!

and johnny ,,, 

poor sweet johnny is just.dumbfounded and lost bc?

what. Just happened. 

the next day ,, Johnny plays his piano hoping that you’ll pop up and sing along to his playing, and when he realises that like,, you’re not gonna show up he just . his hands slump against the keys n he’s just ?

what did he do Wrong? 

eventually he has to meet taeyong 2 give him the cupcakes even though taeyong was No Help at All 

and johnny ends up eating most of them himself and taeyong is like ok buddy spill the beans whats wrong 

so johnny tells him abt you ,,, and that he Finally met u and you Saved Him! but u left before he could tell you his name n you didn’t show up to sing today and 

taeyong feels a lil guilty but He knows there’s not much he can do because like , you’re from a different kingdom ? Ur literally the future ruler ,, so he can’t try 2 convince u to stay. 

BUT You’re not actually Leaving until tomorrow so Maybe. he can convince u to see johnny before u go. 

so he’s like “leave it to me!!!” and finishes his cupcake before zooming off to find you.

but he has 2 find doyoung & taeil first because they need to come up with a Plan

& they find u sitting pretty in ur  little Clam Shell just ... looking Very? Confused and

suddenly the big Plan is out of the window because doyoung swims straight up to you, looks you in the eye and says, “our human friend is a Mess.” 

and you’re like ?? Who even Are you but then u recognise taeil behind him who’s waving at you and you’re like oh ok one of his weird friends.

and you’re like “anyways idk who you’re talking about” 

“our FRIEND. u saved him last night ! His name is-”

“DONT SAY IT I dont need 2 know his name!!!” 

and doyoung is getting a liiiiiittle annoyed because like, despite everything johnny is his FRIEND and he wants him 2 be happy!! so he just backs off and taeyong takes his place like ,

“listen. we’ve known him for a while now & he’s never talked about any1 like this before. n we know you’re leaving but he would rlly love to get the chance to talk 2 u.” 

and now you’re more confused than ever!! Because you’re leaving Really Soon and you don’t! need this! 

but he’s so cute ,,, and seeing that dumb smile of his one last time wouldn’t hurt, , right?

“ok fine tell him. i’ll be sittin on the rock by his window tomorrow at dawn, before i leave.” 

the 3 boys high five n taeyong secretly wonders if he’ll get more cupcakes for this.

The Next Morning at like ? 6am. you’re nervous as Hell. 

you really shouldn’t be doing this because its just going to make things worse for you And for him. 

but you’ll probably never see him again ? So, just 2 yknow, say it was nice to meet him and goodbye, u show up.

Also maybe get a cupcake ? because taeyong literally would not shut up about them and now you really want to try one. 

you show up. and johnny is already there , holding a rose 

(a nice one. not a fake one like the ones yuta carries around)

and he looks Super nervous and you’re also Really nervous but. 

you swim up to him anyway and poke his arm. 

which makes him jump 

and that embarrassed smile comes out again and you can literally feel your heart melting because god he is Adorable. 

and you’re starting to think this was a Really Bad Idea. 

but he looks at you and he hands you the rose, and you’re about to speak when he stops you, 

“I just. Wanted to say thank you for saving me. And the guys told me you’re leaving and that really sucks but I’m really happy you decided to see me again.”

and you just. for once in your life you’re speechless and you just stare at the rose he gave you and. eventually you just manage to stutter out a “you’re welcome” and 

you two are just staring at each other for what feels like Hours. and you’re pretty sure you could do it for a lot longer because he’s just so nice to look at. 

but before you know it, doyoung & taeil are behind you, and they’re like, “you gotta go, your dad is waiting for you.” 

and it feels like your heart is breaking because ! you dont wanna go! you wanna stay and you want to get to know Cute Castle Boy.

but you have a kingdom to rule over in the future. 

so you try not to look too sad as u look at johnny and give him a smile, 

and he cups ur cheek the same way he did the night before ,and he’s pulling you closer and before you know it his lips are on your cheek

and you’re Blushing like Crazy! !!!! because oh my god he just kissed you. 

he finally moves his hand from your cheek 2 your hands,

“my name is Johnny, by the way” 

Fuck.

you cant really do or say anything because you gotta leave Now. 

so you look back one last time before joining the boys and give him a little wave, and he waves back before watching you swim away. 

So, here’s the thing.

When you were a baby, a tiny little adventurous mermaid swimming along dolphins three times your size, 

you had accidentally gotten a little carried away and wandered outside of your kingdom barriers, 

lost and confused, you found a light which you followed into a cave, 

and there you met ur friendly neighbourhood sea witch. 

she hadn’t really been banished from your kingdom, mostly because she knew she wasn’t welcome so she just kept to herself. 

but she thought, hey! if i help the ruler’s kid get back to the kingdom, maybe they’ll realise im Not So Bad and accept me. 

so she takes you in, makes sure you’re safe, and helps you find your way back .

UR FATHER, however, freaks the hell out and starts going off about how,

“This wicked sea witch tried to KIDNAP my child! How dare you! You are Banished” 

so , the sea witch does what literally Every Other Disney Villain would do. 

she puts a curse on you before the king tosses her out on her ass.

This curse,  however. 

when you fall in love, you’ll turn into a human so you can’t Be with them. (because yknow everyone thought you’d fall in love with some Beautiful Mermaid Royalty) 

so while you’re swimming home,

taeil, doyoung and taeyong volunteering to be your escorts, making sure u get home safe and sound.

(you didnt really need them but those boys are Stubborn and also wanted 2 see what your kingdom looks like) 

but because they’re there you don’t really need to stay with ur dad; you’re old enough & ugly enough 2 take care of yourself and show your friends your favourite parts of the journey back

but suddenly you’re finding it really hard to breathe and swimming is Really difficult

and something is Horribly, horribly wrong. 

so you grab whatever you can which happens to be doyoung’s tail 

and he turns around like what the Hell. 

Oh, shit. 

he’s yelling for the other boys 2 help you and ur dad is too far ahead to hear whatever is going on.

so the boys take it upon themselves 2 save U. 

and they’re swimming back to the beach as fast as they can and they get to shore and luckily! 

Johnny is sitting there, looking out at the ocean wondering if he’ll ever see you again. 

and doyoung is just Yelling at him

“DO U HAVE TOWELS GET SOME TOWELS DO U KNOW CPR!!!!!!!!!!” 

so johnny has no idea what the Heck is going on but he runs to get towels, helps the boys wrap you up and take you to the lifeguard hut 

where johnny puts u on the sofa and he’s like , desperately trying 2 get u to wake up. doing cpr and whatever else he can .

like he has no idea whats going on but you’re here and you’re not breathing and he’s panicking because like, he can’t lose you??? He can’t. He Wont. 

and its been what seems like fOREVER but you’re finally! coughing up water and you can breathe again and you’re feeling Very lightheaded and dizzy but all you can really think about is. 

that Johnny’s face is hovering over yours and he looks like he’s about to throw up but then he sees your eyes open and he has Never 

felt this much relief in his Life! 

and before you can even Process what the hell is going on, he’s leaning in closer and you’re kind of trying to figure out what’s going on but! 

he already has his arms wrapped around you so tight, never ever wanting to let go because 

he could live with himself knowing you were out there, alive with the slightest chance of coming back to visit him 

but he would never be able to bear it if you were gone forever .

so he just keeps you in his arms for a Very Long time, whispering in ur ear how scared he was, that he thought he’d lost you. 

the other boys have left u alone, yuta and doyoung arguing outside

“i TOLD U love at first sight was real!”

“shut up yuta they almost DIED” 

“he saved them! he saved them with true loves first kiss” 

“he literally gave them cpr” 

but ignoring those 2 bickering.

u and Johnny are just. holding each other and. you can’t explain it but it feels Right that you’re with him

and he is just so happy that you’re alive and okay. 

and everything just feels like it’s falling into place. 

and before anything else happens you’re just . kissing him .

and he’s kissing you back.

and it all just feels so Perfect. 

[totallytubulargirl]

READ THIS OR PERISH

ALL TURTLES X READER 💜❤️💙💛 MATING SEASON DESCRIPTION: GET READY FOR THE MOST TURTLE SEX YOUVE EVER READ IN YOUR LIFE. FIGHT ME THIS IS ONLY PART ONE!

LEO paced the lair. It was mating season in the hamato household. Splinter had gone to get peace away from the brothers in their worst state. That just left Mikey Raph Donnie and Leo. They all had their own way of dealing with mating season. It was almost a month long of no release. They would snap at each other at the slightest annoyances and argue over anything and everything. The turtles hardly ate and never left the lair. Leo wasn’t the only one pacing. Donnie had been pacing back and forth in his lab all day. Raphael was working out in the gym trying to sweat away the lust. Mikey was trying to distract himself with comics and tv, unsuccessfully. Suddenly a knock echoed through the lair. The door. Leo ran to open it. Who could be visiting us he wondered. He opened the door. It was (Y/N). Leonardo gulped. They could not be around a girl right now. His three brothers popped up behind him. “Hi (Y/N)” they said in unison. (Y/N) smiled awkwardly. “Um ok creepy.” She replied. Had they forgotten to tell her to stay away? Or had she willingly come over knowing how they were feeling? Leo shook his head attempting to clear his brain of irrational thoughts. “I just came to see you guys I missed you.” She hugged Leo before he could escape her clutches. Sweat dripped down his forehead, his shell tightening with every breath. She was wearing a tight grey tank top that was lifted just above her belly button. Her cleavage was stuffed into a black lacy bra he could see through her shirt. Her khaki shorts cupped her ass so perfectly and made her tan legs look like they went on for days. Leo stood stiffly not moving, arms rigid at his sides. “Um ok why are you acting all weird?” She closed the door behind her and walked into the lairs kitchen. The boys climbed over each other trying to be the first turtle she saw when she turned around. Mikey successfully climbed over Raphael while Donatello pulled his bandana back and Leo still stood stiff as a board. “We’re not acting weird baby girl,” he said smoothly. “It’s just we miss you.” (Y/n) smiled. “Aw Mikey.” She opened her arms to hug him and He picked her up and squished her against him. She laughed. Mikey took a deep breath and inhaled her scent. She smelled like an ocean breeze. Her heaving breasts pressed up against his plastron. He shivered. “Mikey that’s enough.” Leo said sternly. Michaelangelo dropped her. “Sorry.” He retreated back to his room in what (y/n) thought was almost shame. “What the heck is going on?” She asked looking at Leo for answers. Raph stepped forward with a smirk (y/n) had never seen before. It was almost sultry. She couldn’t help but blush and smile back. “What, Raph?” She giggled. “How you doin’?” He asked puffing his chest out, making himself look bigger then he already was. (Y/N) bit her lip and backed away. “What do you mean?” She laughed and fell backwards against the fridge. Raph walked up to her, pressing her harder against the fridge. “I think you know what I mean.” Raph closed his eyes ready to kiss her. She opened her eyes wide in confusion. What’s happening she thought. “Raphael!” Yelled Leo. Raphael froze. He turned around and growled at Leo before retreating into his gym. “Donnie can you explain to me what’s going on?” “It’s mating season.” He said somberly. Donnie looked tired. He rubbed his hand across his face. “Happens once a year for a month.” He explained. “You just walked into the peak of it.” Donnie walked towards (y/n). “You know I could probably please you better then any human man.” Donnie pulled up a holographic image of a vagina. “Donnie.” Leo snapped. Donnie pulled down the image and rolled his eyes. “Can’t say I didn’t try.” Donnie ran off to his lab and Leo turned and walked into his room. (Y/n) followed. “You’re not even going to say hi?” She asked innocently. Oh crap she’s in my room his mind screamed. “You should go,” he said. “I’m not 100% in control of myself right now.” She rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah look at you the epitome of uncontrollable.” Leo got angry. “I already asked you to leave (y/n)” he stood up to force her out. “Come on Leo why are you being like this?” She didn’t understand what mating season was like with no release. He pushed her up against the wall. “Do you realize what it’s like when you come over here in your little shorts and prance around making us dinner,” leo growled. “Do you know what it’s like when I just want to grab you and lay you down and fuck you?” The turtle was practically roaring in her face. She was scared, but excited at the same time. She had been crushing on all the turtles lately, and she hadn’t made a move because she couldn’t decide which one she liked more. Leo had just made the move for her. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you felt that way.” She squirmed a little. She felt vulnerable with her arms pinned against the wall and the lustful turtle heaving hot breaths over her. He picked her up, bringing her less then an inch away from his face. (Y/n) could feel him through his pants. Leo was stiff and hard. He was ready to take her. “Are you scared of me?” He asked. She looked in his piercing blue eyes with kindness. “No leo.” Leo pushed his lips against hers. Kissing her fast and rough. He grabbed her and threw her down on his bed. She giggled. He began kissing her feet. “You are my princess and I’m going to show you how good your sensei can make you feel.” He said in between kisses. Leo made his way down to her thighs licking and nibbling in between kisses. She laughed. She was so sensitive. Leo smirked at the thought. He pulled off her shorts and peeled her lacy black panties back. Leo dug his face into her, darting his tongue in and out. “You like that my queen?” He said reaching up to grab one of her breasts. (Y/n) moaned. Leo dragged his tongue up her stomach. (Y/n) arched her back in pleasure. “Tell me that your sensei makes you feel good.” He said brushing away a hair from her sweaty face. “Y-yes sensei.” She bit her lip. Leonardo ripped her shirt off. She laughed. “Oh Leo!” He buried his face in her breasts. Lifting up her black bra to lick her nipples. She clawed at his arms and plastron. Leo enjoyed her helplessness. “Tell me princess what do you need?” He asked. “I need you sensei.” She kissed Leo. They poked at each other’s tongues, interchanging saliva. The kiss was hot and heavy, it built anticipation for more. Leo pulled his throbbing cock out of his pants. She was surprised leo was so ready to do this. Mating season really made him different. She smiled. “Oh wow is that for me?” (Y/n) asked tracing its girth with her slender fingers. Leonardo shivered. “Yes my queen.” He said barely able to control himself. Leo stuck in the tip and slowly shoved the rest of himself inside of her. They both moaned so loud the bed shook. He tried to control himself and not hurt her but she seemed to enjoy the more he shoved himself in her. He pumped back and forth never wanting this feeling of sweet bliss to end. (Y/N) wrapped her arms around his neck. Leo pumped faster then ever before. (Y/N) buried her face in his neck in an effort to not scream. “Oh Leo.” She moaned. Leonardo was finding that he liked to be in control. The bed was creaking under the weight of the massive turtle and his tiny mistress. He realized they should be trying to keep quiet. Leonardo thought to himself and realized that he wanted her to scream his name and he wanted the whole world to know that he was the one making her feel that way. He pulled her to his face and shoved his tongue in her mouth. They shared a hot sticky kiss. She rocked back and forth on his lap, riding him until he couldn’t control himself anymore. Leonardo climaxed and they fell onto the bed together. Gasping for breath. (Y/N) looked over to Leo who was still catching his breath. “Well?” She asked. Leo smiled, his piercing blue eyes making her heart melt. “It wasn’t bad but I think I could do better.” Leave it to Leo to judge an almost perfect performance. She laughed. Leo threw his arm over her. He wasn’t sure what came after. He wasn’t even really sure about what had just happened. All he knew is that he felt so much better. Leonardo relaxed, letting his giant green shoulders rest easy and sink into the mattress. (Y/N) stared at Leo. He popped his eyes open and turned to look at her. “What’s up?” He asked, slowly closing his eyes again. “Maybe we shouldn’t tell anyone what just happened.” She furrowed her eyebrows. “Just until we figure out what’s going on between us.” Leonardo thought about it. “I think you’re right.” He said, almost sad about not being able to rub this in his brothers faces. They would make it all weird though, he thought to himself. They would just scare her away. Leo rolled over on that final thought and fell asleep. (Y/N) laid in his bed next to him, thinking about what had just happened. Suddenly, an idea popped into her head. She pulled a giant white t shirt over her head and quietly turned off the lights. She opened the door to Leo’s room and walked out. A sly smile appeared on her face as the door clicked shut. If I play my cards right, she thought, I can have sex with all the turtles tonight. She tip toed into the kitchen, peering around the corner to see if any of the turtles were coming. Music bumped through the lair. Raph Mikey and Donatello all preferred it this way during mating season. It helped drown out their thoughts. (Y/N) began walking towards Raphaels gym and stopped in front of the door to donatellos lab.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Questions About Fuel Efficiency, Savings Bonds, Materialism, and More!

Whats inside? Here are the questions answered in todays reader mailbag, boiled down to summaries of five or fewer words. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question. 1. Trading up for fuel efficiency 2. Average age of credit accounts 3. Switching to one vehicle 4. Found this great stock! 5. Canadian pharmacies 6. The rental lifestyle 7. Investing in treasury notes 8. Toaster oven purchase 9. Series EE savings bonds? 10. Spotify worth it? 11. Library book sale excess 12. Books on curbing materialism I regularly spend a lot of time thinking about ideas that are really useful in shaping my life as a whole, with personal finance as a significant part of that life. The challenge for me is relating those ideas in a context so that their value to my financial life is clear. I basically see life as a series of interconnected areas. Physical health. Mental health. Focus and concentration. Spirituality. Intellectual ideas. Marriage. Parenting. Key social relationships. Community relationships. Hobbies. Finances. All of those things are interconnected. All of those areas have at least one strong connection between each of those other areas. Your finances do not live in a bubble. I could literally write an article on the connection between any two of those things. In fact, I might actually write an article about each of those areas and how they connect to finances. Because of that perspective, when I find an idea thats really useful in one area, it turns out that the idea is often useful in many other areas as well because it tugs on those connections. For The Simple Dollar, Im interested in all of those things, but Im particularly interested in exploring that areas connection to finances and how that improvement lifts up ones financial state. That goes alongside topics that are focused largely on financial benefits, like frugality topics. The truth is that if I didnt see those connections to finances and I didnt realize how much the other areas of my life support good healthy financial habits, financial independence would be a far more difficult journey. While the actual mechanical steps for improving ones finances are easy, maintaining them requires strong connections and support from the other areas in life, which is something Ive really come to appreciate in recent years. Its all connected. On with the questions. Q1: Trading up for fuel efficiency I am trying to make a decision about trading in my vehicle for a more gas efficient one. My daily driver is a Jeep Wrangler and while I enjoy driving it, it isnt so great on gas mileage. I currently relocated to California where gas prices are higher than my previous home in Texas. With my commute to work alone (approx. 40 miles) I spend about $100 a week on gas. My Jeep is paid off, but Im wondering if it makes sense to trade it in for something that does a little better on the gas mileage front. Crunching the numbers, it makes sense to think about trading it in but I really enjoy having the vehicle. Any suggestions on making a decision about getting rid of something you love for the greater good of saving money? Rick Based on my guesstimation as to the age of your Jeep Wrangler, it looks like it gets about 15 miles per gallon on average. That lines up well with your $100 a week in gas costs given your commute and the assumption that you use it for a few other things. If you swapped it for a Toyota Prius, for example, your fuel costs go down to about $30 a week, as a Prius approaches 50 miles per gallon. Over the course of a month, thats about $280 in savings. Its probably going to be cheaper in terms of insurance, too. The thing Id ask myself when comparing the Jeep and the fuel efficient car is what exactly you get out of the Jeep that you wont get out of the fuel efficient car, and is that difference worth $300 a month to you? That is the lens through which I would evaluate that purchase. What I usually find in situations like this is that the lower cost item often has much of what I like in the higher cost item and breaking it down to paying a lot of money for relatively minor features seems silly. Its also worth noting that you actually have more options here than just keep the Jeep or sell it and get a very fuel efficient car like a Prius. You also have the option of moving closer to where you work which saves a lot on fuel regardless of what vehicle you have and cuts down the time invested in your commute. You might also look for work closer to where you live if moving isnt an option for some reason. There are lots of things to consider here. Q2: Average age of credit accounts Instead of opening a new account which would lower the average age of my credit accounts, should I increase my credit limit on a secured card? Currently it is at $800. I could deposit another $200-$300 to raise my limit. Stephen Its not the average age of your credit accounts that really matters in terms of your credit score. Its the age of your oldest active account that matters. There is a minor negative impact on your credit score from opening a new line of credit, but its minor and short lived. Often, that impact is counterbalanced by having a better debt-to-credit ratio (meaning the sum total of your credit card balances divided by the sum total of your credit limits). If you open a new card with no balance, your total credit limit goes up but your debt stays the same, this improving your credit score (this only works to a certain extent, but will definitely work if youve only got one card and are opening a second one). In your shoes, I would definitely open an unsecured card if youve been handling the secured card well for a while. I wouldnt close the secured card for a while, though. Leave them both open, then close the secured one (and get your deposit back) in a few years. Q3: Switching to one vehicle While evaluating my year-end financial moves, I wondered if I could switch down to one vehicle to cut expenses. A Google search led me to an article you wrote on eliminating one car. Id like to give you some information and get your thoughts on it. I live alone and travel regionally for work. I bought my second vehicle in late 2017 to tow a trailer with my sons racing kart. I can probably drop the full coverage insurance on the vehicles to save some money. I have a 2010 Honda Civic with 248,702 miles on it. I get about 32 mpg and drove 34,529 miles last year. I had $1933.36 in necessary repairs last year. The 2018 annual insurance was $467, the 2019 cost is projected to be $594. I also have a 2006 Honda Ridgeline with 147,422 miles on it. I get about 20 mpg when I am not using it to tow and drove 4,851 miles last year. It may be higher but I only used it when needed. I had $572.07 in necessary repairs last year. The 2018 annual insurance was $148, the 2019 cost is projected to be $301. Kevin If you think its possible with your lifestyle to cut down to one vehicle, you probably can do so. Its usually professional constraints or other life constraints that keep people from being able to pull it off, so if you dont see such an issue in your life, you can probably do this. The big issue I see is that the Civic is going to be far better for commuting, but the Civic cant tow. Do you have any other option for towing that cart? Do you have a solution in place for what the Ridgeline does for you if you drop it? If you do (or if you come to the conclusion that you dont need the towing ability), then Id drop that Ridgeline like a hot potato and keep the Civic. As many miles as youre driving, the fuel efficiency of the Civic is going to save you a ton of money on gas versus driving the Ridgeline that much. I think that if you drop the Civic and keep the 2006 Ridgeline and put almost 40,000 miles a year on it, the gas costs are going to be stupendous. My back of the envelope math says youre better off keeping both cars as they are right now rather than switching to an all-Ridgeline solution. Q4: Found this great stock! Heres a brain teaser for Trent: My boyfriend bought shares of MORL about two years ago and put it on automatic DRIP. Now he gets about $600 a month on average gross. I studied this stock and I just dont really understand it, but it seems like its just about like printing money!! But if it is so great why isnt everybody in it? So dont publish this on your Q&A thing, because I want to keep this quiet. Not looking for a pump and dump scenario, just wondered your thoughts on it. Anna MORL is the stock ticker name for UBS ETRACS Monthly Pay 2xLeveraged Mortgage REIT ETN. Basically, its a bundle of mortgages put together by UBS using borrowed money. Imagine that someone borrows $100,000 to buy an investment. They owe interest on that loan, but theyre fine as long as the investment offers a better return on that loan. Now, imagine you used that investment as collateral for an even bigger loan, which you then used to buy control of mortgages, so that people paying their mortgage bills are actually now writing the checks to you. You can often buy mortgages at below face value a $200,000 mortgage might be on sale for $150,000 or whatever if someone needs money fast, so if that mortgage ends up getting paid off, you make $200,000 plus the interest over the course of a few years. This is a great way to multiply your money, but its really risky. If enough people stop paying their mortgages, you are in bad, bad shape because you cant afford to pay the interest on the loans you have. The whole thing falls apart. Thats what MORL is. MORL is an extremely risky investment that only works well while the housing market is stable and interest rates are low. Its double-leveraged and uncollateralized housing debt, which basically means that if people were to suddenly have difficulty paying their mortgages (like what happened in 2007 and 2008) MORL is going to tank hard. Double-leveraged essentially means it rises twice as high when things are going well and falls twice as hard when things are not going well. I would not hold that investment for anything I was relying on for the future. If youre playing around with investments with money you can afford to lose, sure, but thats basically to gambling. Q5: Canadian pharmacies Im curious about your opinion on Canadian (or other foreign) pharmacies. My husband used them back in the day while caring for his mother. I tried one or two and wound up (computer) virus laden. Are there any good sites for Canadian pharmacies? Is it better to go straight to Canada for better prices? Doug So, heres the deal. Bringing prescription drugs into the United States from Canada is illegal under the Prescription Drug Marketing Act of 1987. However, because of the vagaries of having to deal with every special case of people living along the US-Canadian border, the DEA and the border patrol do not really enforce the law provided youre getting 90 days or less of a prescription filled and its not a narcotic. Basically, they just look the other way because its easier than dealing with the specifics of a case and the bad press that would come from taking away an 87 year olds arthritis prescription or a diabetic persons insulin. To exploit this loophole actually, just an unenforced law a lot of online pharmacies have popped up supposedly dealing in Canadian pharmaceuticals, but a lot of them are pretty dodgy. Theyre already doing something illegal but unenforced and its a market that reputable companies will largely stay out of because the whole thing relies on the US government not enforcing its laws. You may be able to luck out and find a reputable seller online, but there are a lot of sharks in the water because its actually illegal. Id avoid it unless youre actually going to Canada and buying the prescription drugs in person there, buying a small amount, and then coming home. Even then, youre breaking the law, but its a law thats not been enforced for a while. Q6: The rental lifestyle We are at retirement age and are thinking about buying a 5th wheel as our home for a number of years, as we are late to the savings game. It seems that used vehicles are the same price as new, and all of them expensive. What do you think about this alternative lifestyle choice that doesnt include real property? Amber It seems reasonable. I have met many people who have retired to a camper or a trailer. Many of those wind up parking semi-permanently at a campground and serve as campground hosts, so it doesnt seem like that unusual of a choice to me. (This shouldnt be surprising our family goes camping somewhere probably half a dozen times a year.) I think the key is to be sure youve priced everything out and be open to part-time work, both as a way to make ends meet and as a way to fill your time. I also know a lot of retirees who find themselves without much to do to fill their hours once theyre retired. If it seems appealing and the math works out, go for it. Thats my advice. Q7: Investing in treasury notes Question for you: I recently recovered some unclaimed property that I had lost to the state 12 years ago that they sold 8 years ago. I lost dividends for 12 years and lost the value the stock rose after it was liquidated. I wish to make up for my mistakes, so I was thinking of investing the money in T bills as I could use more stable investments. Do you have any opinions on T bills? Amy My feelings on US treasuries are that theyre about as stable as can be in terms of an investment but the returns they offer are really low these days, so low that theyre often matched by savings accounts. Theyre rock-solid and they do offer a tiny return thats as guaranteed as can be in this world, but the return is so small that I would not bank on them as a long term investment. You dont want to lock your money up for many years in treasuries that are returning less than 3% unless you truly need something rock solid. At this point, Id probably just put the money in a savings account or a money market account instead and buy them when interest rates rebound. The question of what kind of stability you need in your overall investments is something I cant judge without seeing your full portfolio. Q8: Toaster oven purchase Im hoping youll evaluate a recent purchase using your buy it for life philosophy. This detailed evaluation is overkill for a single, cheap purchase, but it would be valuable to have a good strategy for similar future purchases. I needed a new 4-slice toaster oven and decided to buy one at Walmart during a weekly shopping trip. Given the low price, I couldnt justify spending the time or gas on a trip to another store. I also didnt think Id find many quality online reviews of sub-$30 toaster ovens. The options that satisfied the size and features criteria were a $20 Mainstays brand model or a $25 Black & Decker brand model. I was skeptical that the Black & Decker model would last 25% longer, or be 25% more effective. Second, a toaster oven is relatively simple I doubted there was any game changing technology that B&D incorporated into this model that the cheaper version lacked. My cynical mind also suspected the B&D model was only branded as such after being manufactured in a random factory. I bought the cheaper model. What would you have done differently? Kevin I would have bought the cheaper model, but I would have probably waited a week and scoped out the local Goodwill first and bought whatever I could find there, as you can usually find toaster ovens there. Aside from the Goodwill caveat, I basically agree with your way of thinking. I might have done some homework on toaster ovens beforehand by looking at Consumer Reports or other guides, but honestly, theyre simple devices to perform a simple task and arent overly expensive, so youre probably fine in this case. While I have no evidence for it, youre probably right on the relabeled Black and Decker. Many items like this are functionally identical inside and have just a slightly different case on the outside. There really isnt a whole lot of variance in toaster oven internal parts. Q9: Series EE savings bonds? I have been buying series EE savings bonds for my grandson for years. My son says that theyre not a good investment right now and that a better gift for his future is to contribute to a 529. Thoughts? Amber I agree with your son. Series EE get very low returns right now; theyre best in environments with high inflation and high interest rates, neither of which is true at the moment. With a 529, the money can be invested more aggressively for much better long term returns if the account manager so chooses. My only qualm here is the gift horse in the mouth issue. I hope that this discussion was a tactful one. Its hard to say from the description. I consider complaining about a gift to be a pretty rude move. If you have a relative giving savings bonds and would rather they contribute that money to a 529 for your childs future, thank them for the bond, wait for a while, and then have a conversation with them about how youre saving for your childs college education. Mention that anyone can contribute to the fund, but let the gift-giver decide what to do with their gift. Its their choice, not yours. Q10: Spotify worth it? I used to listen to the radio constantly. There used to be a radio station near here that played great music of a wide variety, from rock to bluegrass. The station was sold and now plays modern bland country music. I have tried listening to other stations but havent found anything I like. Considering trying Spotify or XM but wary of adding a monthly fee. Are they worth it? Ashley We have a Spotify account that we use as a family. It is often being streamed through speakers in our family room or in our daughters bedroom. My feeling is that such an account is worth it if you listen to a lot of music and want it to just stream and mix up song selections on its own without ads. If you dont listen very often, I wouldnt subscribe. My suggestion would be to try Spotify with a 30 day trial offer heres the link. Set a reminder on your phone 27 days from now that reminds you to cancel it if youre not using it. Then, install the app and try using it as you would a radio. My best experience has been with an inexpensive Bluetooth speaker. Q11: Library book sale excess Our local library has a book sale every year where you can go in on the last day and fill up a box for $2 which I have done for years. I finally realized that I had filled up half of our spare bedroom with books Ill never read from those sales. I would end up grabbing 4-5 that Id actually read and 40 that I wont. What do I do with all of these books? I dont want to throw them away. Anna My first suggestion would be to have a super cheap yard sale. If your town has a community wide yard sale, announce that youre selling books, put them all out there for a quarter each on the first day, then knock it down to a dime each the second day, then a nickel each the third day. People will clean them up if you advertise it a little. Another suggestion is to start dropping them in little free libraries around town. Just take some with you and whenever you see a little free library, stick one or two of those books in there. Itll put that book in the hands of someone who will read it. If nothing else, you can always donate used books to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. Theyll almost always accept used book donations. Q12: Books on curbing materialism Something Im struggling with is my relationship with stuff. Ive been thinking about it a lot lately. I think I feel like to some extent that my worth as a person is tied up in the stuff that I have, like I cant really enjoy books without a large personal book collection or I cant really be a good home chef without a lot of kitchen gear. The thought of getting rid of stuff really hurts because I feel like Im agreeing to be worse at something or less at something. I think this is a feeling youre familiar with. Do you have any advice or any books on how to curb this way of thinking? I need to stop accumulating stuff and start downsizing. Jim The easy answer would be the ever-popular Marie Kondo book, but I think youre asking a somewhat different question than what shes answering. I have three suggestions for where I think youre at, ranging from the more practical to the more philosophical. The first is The More of Less by Joshua Becker, which is definitely the most practical of the three books Im suggesting here. Beckers key argument is that owning too much stuff keeps you from the experiences you want to have because youre constrained by space and clutter. Thus, take the approach that even a small fraction of your stuff represents more than a lifetimes worth of experiences and pass on the remainder to those who will value it. It only takes a small fraction of the stuff you have to represent your life. The second is Goodbye, Things by Fumio Sasaki, which is in the middle in that its a mix of philosophical and practical. This book, to me, focused on the connection between your sense of well being and the environment you inhabit and how that interconnection flows both ways. While it dives into practical steps, it focuses on how those steps reveal and promote a symbiosis between your own well being and your immediate environment. The final book is very philosophical Erich Fromms To Have or To Be? Fromm steps back from the practical but rather dives in a very thoughtful way into why we accumulate things. His argument is that we do so because we view them as a shortcut to a particular type of experience we yearn for, but that the item often serves as a substitute for that experience, an empty calorie that leaves us unfulfilled. This book ends up being an argument for experience rather than possession and I found it to be the most convincing but least directly practical of the three. Read this one to feed your thinking and inspiration; read the others for more connections to practical steps. Got any questions? The best way to ask is to follow me on Facebook and ask questions directly there. Ill attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive many, many questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/questions-about-fuel-efficiency-savings-bonds-materialism-and-more/

[haeroniel-doliet]

thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me

idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time

anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings: 

1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march 

1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on

2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school

2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours. 

2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh

okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart

3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive  passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess. 

anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already  adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant. 

4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came  mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it.  and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if  you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold. 

that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks. 

also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad   badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves,  no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example. 

anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel. 

anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from  how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)  

side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my  heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit. 

anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth