#i wanted to build a table for my mom for mother's day and didn't finish it til JUNE and then it fell APAAARRTTTTTTTT!!!!! but its FINE

[bonestrouslingbones]

btw big shoutout to that woodworking class i took in my final semester of high school for allowing me to 1. not constantly sound like i'm talking entirely out of my ass and 2. hide some very niche secrets because of the like 2 full months of paperwork & osha training before i got to actually build anything

[stargazer-sims]

The Art of Redemption

(part 20)

previous // next // story index

—————

"I didn't realize it'd be this easy."

Nikolai watches in fascination as Ginger slides the iron along the length of a damp towel spread over her ironing board. Underneath the towel is one of his medals. He can see the silver peeking out from under the edge. Tiny wisps of steam rise up from the towel, and the iron emits a soft sound that's somewhere between a sigh and a hiss, as if it can't make up its mind whether it's proud of a job well done or annoyed that this particular job is necessary.

They’re in Ginger’s kitchen with its cheerful yellow-painted walls and a large window that faces her apartment building’s courtyard. He’d spent last night here at her place and he'd slept remarkably well on the pull-out couch, with Tangerine tucked into the crook of his arm. This morning, Ginger made tea, waffles, and fruit salad with cottage cheese for breakfast, and then they went to the rink together. Afterwards, as Ginger had promised, she took him shopping for the things they’d need to restore and preserve his skating memorabilia.

Ginger smiles as she lifts the iron and sets it upright at the end of the ironing board. "I didn't say it'd be difficult. All I said was that it'd be a bit of work." She peels back the towel to reveal the medal. Its ribbon looks as good as new. "You've got a lot of medals. This isn't exactly a ten-minute task."

"Sorry."

"Don't say that," she admonishes. "I'm glad to do it. They deserve to look their best. Here." She lifts the current medal from the ironing board and passes it to him. "I'd be furious if anyone damaged my medals, but I know you'd help me fix them."

"I would, if I'd known this trick." He carries the medal to the table and lays it on the leaf of white tissue paper he'd already set out for it. Wrapping it carefully, he puts it in the plastic storage box he'd bought earlier that day. "Can I try doing the next one? Give your arm a break."

"Sure," Ginger agrees. "Shall I show you what to do, or has Beth-Anne been teaching you how to iron as well as teaching you how to cook?"

He shakes his head. "She irons my shirts. I don't think she trusts me with it. But I do know how to wash my own laundry now."

"She truly is your second mother, isn't she? Teaching you how to cook and do laundry. What else has she taught you?"

"I'm getting pretty good at cleaning my own bathroom. Apparently, she doesn’t do, uh… smelly man bathrooms, I think is how she phrased it.”

Ginger laughs. "Lord help us. Is she as bossy teaching you housekeeping skills as she is on the ice?"

"Surprisingly, no," he says. "I'm actually seeing a whole new side of her, living under the same roof, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it. She has more mom qualities than even I imagined."

"I'm glad it's working out," Ginger says.

"Me too. She’s letting me stay there until I finish my coaching courses, at least. We'll see what happens afterwards."

"So, you're doing that, then? Coaching, I mean."

"Yeah." He joins her by the ironing board as she pulls another one of his medals — a gold one this time — out of the cardboard box on the counter. His breath catches a little when he recognizes which one it is. "Ginger, I really have to fix this one myself."

She glances down at it. "ISU World Figure Skating Championship 2010. Yes, I can see why you'd want to sort this one out yourself. The 2006 and 2009 ones as well, I expect."

"When you find them, yeah," he says.

She gives the medal to him. "All right. Lay it flat, and press the ribbon as smooth as you can with your hand. Then we'll put the towel on."

"Okay." He does as she instructs. "How's this?"

"Good. Now, the towel. Don't cover up the gold bit. You don't want to iron that."

"Got it."

“Press down firmly, but not too hard.” Ginger positions herself behind him and places her hand over his to guide him for the first couple of strokes with the iron. "Yes, that’s the way. Well done.”

He concentrates on what he's doing, but that doesn't prevent him from thinking about the world championships. The competition was in Italy last year, and a record number of Canadian skaters had qualified, four of whom were from their very own Brindleton Bay Skating Club; himself in the senior men's category, Ginger in senior women's and their friends Hunter and Juliet in pairs.

Their coaches had considered it a triumph for so many of them to have made it in. However, by the end of the week, their elation at qualifying paled in comparison to the emotional high of what sports journalists had dubbed 'The Canadian Sweep'.

It hadn't really been a sweep, of course. That would've required Canadians to win gold in all four categories. In reality, Canadian ice dancers won silver, and although Juliet and Hunter didn't have a top-three finish, the other Canadian pair in the competition took home bronze. Ginger, who'd received her citizenship the previous summer and was finally able to officially compete for Canada, won gold in her category, and Nikolai had also claimed gold in his. It was his second Worlds gold in a row.

Would I have made it three in a row at Worlds this season? he wonders. Is Ginger going to be able to get her own double gold?

Like him, Ginger has more than one world championship gold medal, and also like him, she won her first and second ones in non-consecutive years. Nothing would excite him more than to see her earn back-to-back titles.

He hopes she's ready. She hadn't skated yesterday, and from what he'd seen from her in practice today, she doesn't appear to be concerned at all. Stan didn't seem particularly bothered either. He'd been going easy on her.

But, maybe that shouldn't have been a surprise. Ginger looked flawless on the ice. Nikolai tried to observe every move she’d made, and he hadn't noticed a single thing he thought she could improve on. Her performance was powerful and beautiful and technically perfect.

Don't worry about her. She's got this, he tells himself, but the directive only partially works. He's still going to worry, not just because he wants her to do well, but because he wants her to be safe, to not be careless or overconfident.

This year's world championship is being held in Russia, in Moscow, and it's taking place in just a couple of weeks, near the end of March. It's been more than a year since Nikolai has been to his grandfather and parents' home country, and he's overcome with the sudden, crazy notion that he could go and watch the competition. He's not a fan of flying, and he'd have to pay for the trip out of his own pocket, but he's certain it'd be worth it to see his best friend skate her way to a spot at the top of the podium.

"Nikolai." Ginger's voice inserts itself into his thoughts.

"What?"

"I think it's done."

"Oh." He sets the iron aside, and then pulls away the towel to find that it is indeed done. It looks as pristine as it did when the ISU official had draped it around his neck last spring in Turin.

On impulse, he picks it up and puts it on. Somewhere in the back of his mind, an imaginary crowd cheers and tosses bouquets of flowers onto the ice, and O Canada plays. He swallows convulsively.

Ginger's palm comes to rest on his back. She rubs gently between his shoulder blades. "You okay?"

He nods. "I'm... I guess I'm just a little sad. All of this has been a lot."

"I can only imagine," she says. "It's okay to be sad."

"I know." He touches the medal hanging around his neck. "I'm getting better, though. My leg's getting stronger, and I'm feeling better about most things. Going to the rink with Beth-Anne every day has helped me a lot."

"I think mostly everyone is glad to see you there."

"I'm glad to be there," he tells her. "I really do want to coach, you know. I wasn't sure at first, but I realized I don't want to leave the sport even if I can't compete. This seems like the way that makes the most sense since I discovered that I really like helping people learn new skills. Beth-Anne says I'm good at it too. She thinks I'll be a great coach."

"For what it's worth, I'd tend to agree with her."

"Thanks. Your opinion's worth a lot to me, if you want to know," he says. "Anyway, the other reason I want to get into coaching is kind of a selfish one."

"Oh?"

"There's this one little kid..."

"Eden?"

"Yeah, Eden Seong. Have you seen him skate? He's only ten and he's absolutely amazing. He's going to be a champion some day, and I want to be there for that."

"He's one of Beth-Anne's students, right?"

"Right, but Beth-Anne says he might be my student in a couple of years, once he’s in Junior division.”

“And how does little Eden feel about that idea?”

“He’s into it. I think he’d want me to start coaching him right now if we were both ready,” Nikolai says. “I've been helping Beth-Anne with Eden’s individual lessons, and with one of her Novice students, and the group classes. She thinks I'll be able to teach a preschool group class by myself by September."

"That's brilliant," Ginger says. "Do you think you're ready for the challenge of teaching four year olds how to skate backwards and how to stop without colliding with something?"

He grins, remembering the antics of the five little skaters in the Saturday preschool class. "Well, I already taught one girl how to stop without crashing into me or into the boards, so I think I'll be fine."

"Helmets are mandatory, I hope."

"For the preschool kids? Yeah, definitely."

Ginger laughs. "I meant for you."

"With the way they bounce around, I think hockey shin pads might be more useful for me," he says.

"When Beth-Anne gets back, I'm going to come and watch you in action," Ginger declares. She pokes around in the cardboard box and retrieves another medal. "Here's Worlds 2009. I'll look for 2006 as well. Can you do this one on your own?"

"Yes," he confirms. "Do you really want to watch me work with the kids?"

"Adorable children and adorable you? Why wouldn't I?" she says. "The only thing that'd make the entire scenario any cuter than that would be if you brought the bear."

"I could make that happen."

"We should go to Build-A-Bear and see if we can find some skates for him."

Nikolai laughs. "He actually has some already. Workout gear and costumes too. If you want to come to my house with me later, we can find all his stuff and dress him up."

"Sounds like a project for tomorrow." Ginger looks both amused and pleased. "I had something else in mind for tonight."

"LIke what?" Nikolai asks.

"Ordering Korean food and watching the opening ceremonies of World Juniors. You did tell Brett you were going to watch, didn't you?"

"To watch him skate, yeah. I honestly didn't think about the opening ceremonies, but I’m liking this plan. Korean food because the competition's in South Korea?”

“Exactly so.”

“I like it. Can I sleep over again?"

“I think you’d better. South Korea’s twelve hours ahead of us and the ceremony’s on at half-past nine. It’ll be your bedtime by the time it’s over.”

“Yours too.”

“Mine too,” she concedes.

"What are we going to do between now and nine-thirty?" he inquires.

"Finish this, for a start." Ginger gestures at the ironing board where he's pressing the ribbon of his Worlds gold from 2006. The other two are around his neck, and they clink together gently each time he moves. "I've got dance time this afternoon, and Uncle Stan's probably going to be there. You can come along, if you like. Are you allowed to dance yet?"

"As long as I don't jump or put all my weight on my bad leg, I don't see why not," he says. "Nobody specifically said I can't dance, and I'd love to dance with you. It can replace my time on the treadmill."

"How much time on the treadmill are you allowed to do?"

"Thirty minutes."

"Right, then." Ginger nods, as if settling something in her own mind. "After thirty minutes, you've got to stop, and if you get tired or your knee starts hurting before thirty minutes, you stop."

She looks so serious, he has to put the iron down and cover his mouth to smother his laughter. "Are you channelling Beth-Anne right now?"

She folds her arms across her body and arches an eyebrow as she gives him a mock glare so reminiscent of Beth-Anne that it's uncanny. She manages to smooth out her English accent somehow as she demands, "Nikolai Pavlenko, are you questioning my coaching decisions?"

He snorts inelegantly in his futile effort not to crack up, "Oh my God..."

Ginger obviously tries to maintain her stern expression, but she dissolves into giggles too. "We've all spent way too much time together, I think."

"No," he says, once he catches his breath. "There's not such thing as too much time spent with you. Or Beth-Anne, for that matter. Or Uncle Stan. We're family."

"I love that sentiment, honestly," she says.

"Me too." Steady enough to resume ironing once more, he finishes another medal and then puts it around his neck with the other two. "There. That's my third Worlds gold done. How many do we have left?"

Ginger peers into the box. "About eight or nine. Are you going to put those three away before you press any more, or do you plan to wear all your Worlds medals at once?"

He considers for a moment. "All at once. Do you see the silver ones, or did we already get to those and I didn't notice?"

"Let's see... Here's 2007 and 2008," Her hand emerges with the two silver medals, and she sets them on the ironing board. "We're only missing 2004 now. Just give me a second."

"No problem. These'll take me a few minutes. I'm not as good as you at ironing yet," he says. "What time is your dance session, by the way? I can drive us over there."

"It's at three o'clock," she answers. "But, I thought perhaps we could take the bus."

"And... keep riding past our stop on the way home?"

"Hmm... For a couple of hours, perhaps."

"Let's do it," he says. "Do you want to stop to pick up food on the way back, or should we just order in?"

"Order in. That way, we can put our pyjamas on and settle in for the night, and if we happen to accidentally fall asleep on the sofa bed together, at least we'll already be dressed for it."

Nikolai smiles. More and more, he's learning that situations don't have to be monumental or momentous to be significant. Today's been a good day so far, an ordinary day. Nothing dramatic had to happen for him to find some sort of meaning in it. All he needs to understand right now is that he feels safe and that he’s content to be with his friend. Skating on TV, spicy noodles, and a sleepover. What more could he possibly want?

He and Ginger continue to chat amiably while they finish the task of getting all the wrinkles and creases out of the ribbons. Then, she takes a bunch of silly pictures of him with all six of his world championship medals around his neck at once, and they post them to their social media accounts with the most ridiculous captions they can come up with.

When they're done playing, they wrap the remaining medals and tuck them into the storage box. Ginger says she can keep the box here, if that'd make him feel more comfortable, and he agrees. He trusts her. If anyone would take care of them as if they were her own, it'd be Ginger.

Nikolai is just nestling the last small tissue paper wrapped bundle into the plastic container when his phone beeps for attention. It's a text alert. His phone is on the counter next to the microwave.

"Can you check that for me, please?" he asks Ginger.

"Sure," she says. She crosses the kitchen and scoops up the phone. A second later, she utters a half-spoken, half-groaned, "Ugh."

"What is it?" Nikolai inquires as he snaps the lid onto the storage box. "Or do I want to know?"

"It's Anya," Ginger holds out the phone at arm's length, as if it's giving off a bad smell. "She's written part of it in Russian, but I assume it's something disgusting if the string of pink heart emojis is anything to judge by. The other bit says, 'did you get our cat back?'."

"Our cat?" Nikolai echoes, incredulous. "Since when is Tangerine 'our' cat? She's mine. Anya barely tolerates her."

"Would you like me to send a reply to her?" Ginger asks.

"No, just delete that message. I'm not about to have a whole conversation with her through texts, and you shouldn't have to either."

"Do you really just want to delete it?"

"Yes," Nikolai says. "I'm determined that we're going to get to enjoy our plans for the rest of the day, and there's no way I'm going to let her mess it up."

[griffin-girl-r]

Wake up

Created: 06.02.2022

Finished: 17.05.2022

Edited: 13.09.2023

Age: 17

Word count: 2,092

Warnings: Guns, Blood, Death, Nightmare

Detka = Baby

Request: No

Summary: Natasha is forced to take you with her to a mission that takes an unexpected turn.

—

"You're tired, baby girl?" Your mother asked you as the movie you were watching came to an end

"Mhm..." You nodded, burying your face in the crook of her neck

"You want to stay with me tonight?" Natasha smiled at the sight of you cuddled closer to her

You didn't answer and just snuggled closer to her.

Natasha turned the TV off and turned to her side so she could properly hold you in her arms.

"Good night, detka." She kissed the top of your head

"G'night Mama." You mumbled half asleep

With one last kiss left on your hairline, Natasha closed her eyes and allowed herself to fall asleep.

~~~~~

Her phone ringing is what woke Natasha up the next morning.

She quickly took a look at your sleeping form, sighing in relief when she saw that the phone's ringtone hadn't woke you up.

"Hello?" Natasha whispered into the phone in order to not wake you up

"Agent Romanoff, I want you and the whole team in the meeting room in 30! Is that clear?" Fury's voice ordered

Natasha rolled her eyes and just ended the phone call without a word to Fury.

How dare he disturb her free day that she had planned to spend with her daughter?!

It's been a while since she had a free day and all she wanted was to be in your company all day.

—

Looking down at you after she calmed a little, she took a moment to admire your beauty and think about how much she loves you.

You are her entire world, the reason why she keeps living. If it wasn't for you coming into her life, she would have been long dead. You saved her life in more than one way.

Leaning forward, your mom softly kissed your forehead and leaned closer to your ear.

"My love, it's time to wake up." She sweetly whispered "Come on, my baby. Open your beautiful eyes. We have plans for today. Remember?"

You slowly opened your eyes and lazily smiled at your mom.

"Good morning, Mama." You kissed her cheek

"Good morning, detka." She smiled from ear to ear "Nick called and said he wanted to talk a little with the team. Then I'm all yours. We can do anything you want today, Y/N."

"Seriously?! Why is grandpa Nick so annoying when he wants to?" You pouted

"I don't know baby." Natasha giggled "But we'll soon find out what is this all about."

Twenty minutes later Natasha was waiting for Fury to make the big announcement.

"What's the big deal, Nick?" Natasha asked bored "My daughter is waiting for me, so could you please hurry up?"

"Your girl can wait, Romanoff. We have received very important information about a Hydra base that, until now, had managed to stay off of our radar. It's reported that there is a powerful atomic weapon hidden inside the building. So I want you to go there and bring me that weapon." Fury instructed

Natasha huffed in annoyance "But it's our free day!"

"And I don't care! I said that you have to go there and bring me that weapon and you will go there and bring me that weapon. Understood?!" Fury cut Natasha's protests "Oh! I almost forgot. Bring your kids!" Fury added with a firm look in Natasha's and Tony's direction

"NO!" Tony and Natasha yelled in unison

"There's no way my daughter gets involved in this mission!"

"This mission it's too risky. I won't allow my boy to come this time!"

Both parents protested at the same time.

"Enough!" Fury shouted banging his fist on the table" We need all the help we can get, I'm not only sending you in there, I'm also sending half of my men with you. We need your kids and their abilities! Peter is the Spider-Man and Y/N is the most well-trained, young agent that we ever had, her agility is unmatched. They are a big feat to this team. If everything works out, I'm going to give you and your kids one free year to do whatever you want with it. Now I don't want to hear anything more."

And with that Fury stormed out of the room, leaving no time for the parents to say anything else.

Tony and Natasha shared a worried look, before following Fury out of the room and back to their own rooms, in search of their kids.

Two 17-year-olds in a fight to rescue an atomic weapon is something that the parents didn't wish to see but had no other choice.

—

As expected, you were very excited to be a part of such a big mission, much to your mother's concern. This type of mission is very rare for a reason.

And the mission was exactly how you expected it to be.

It was like a big and cool military operation.

"Hey, Peter!" You said through your comms

"What, Y/N?" Peter answered a little distracted

"This is just like 'Call of Duty'. It's awesome." You excitedly told Peter

"I knew I had to take your PlayStation away when I had the chance." Natasha voiced her thoughts through the comms

"Hey, Uncle Tones?! Could you be kind enough and drop me my favorite toy?" You asked Tony

"What are you talking about, mini Romanoff?" Tony was so done with your games

"She wants her M4A1." Your mom explained for you "Her rifle. It's in the QuinJet."

"Got it. On it, scarry Romanoffs." Tony disappeared and returned a few seconds later with your rifle

He took off in his suit to the place he was assigned to be after dropping the gun in your hands.

—

You led a big team of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents who were given strict orders from Fury to listen and do anything that you ordered them to do.

The fight wasn't late in showing up.

Hydra really wanted that weapon protected and the Avengers really wanted to have that weapon so they could hide it.

But things got a dramatic turn when something exploded, most probably a grenade, and your mom's legs got trapped under some wreckage.

"I need a little help." Natasha reached her hand to her ear, pressing her comm

"I'm coming, Mama." You declared

"No, Y/N. Not you. You stay there." Natasha ordered you

"Too late, I already see you."

You are your mother's daughter. Too stubborn for your own good.

You held your rifle tighter and started to look around for any potential threat while approaching Natasha slowly.

"Mr. Stark..." Natasha heard Peter say through her earpiece "Danger."

Before the redhead got time to understand what was happening, one gunshot and one explosion echoed throughout the building.

Next thing she knows, she sees you collapsing to the ground face forward. A pool of blood starting to form around you.

The next few moments are a blur for Natasha. The panic and worry that took over her were making her not think rationally. Instead of the calm thinking, her maternal instincts kicked in.

She tried to wiggle her way out of the wreckage, fighting with all her strengths to reach you, but it was useless.

Tony and Thor freed her and she ran to your side while limping as fast as she could.

She was completely ignoring the pain in her leg that was, for sure, broken.

Turning you around and doing a quick scan over you, Natasha couldn't stop the sob that escaped her lips.

Turns out that you spotted a Hydra agent that was hiding in order to kill your mom.

You saw him aiming for your mom's head and you did the only thing that was fast enough to save Natasha.

Jump in front of her.

Tony blasted some energy in the direction of the agent, successfully eliminating the threat.

But you were shot in the chest and the bullet was too close to your heart. Too close.

Natasha cradled you in her arms, holding you as close to her chest as humanly possible, softly rocking you both from side to side.

"You're going to be okay, Y/N. Don't worry, baby girl. We're going to fix you. You'll be okay." Natasha cried as you were silently looking at her, your eyes starting to drop with each second that passed

"Why are you standing there?! Help her! We need to take her to the Medbay. She's losing too much blood!" Natasha shouted to the rest of the Avengers as they all stood around with a sad but solemn face

They can not save you this time.

"Keep looking at me, my love. Just keep looking at me..." Natasha tried her best to keep you awake for as long as she could, applying pressure to your wound

You were just looking at her, having no more power to form words or move anymore but in one last attempt you mouthed "Mama..."

"Yes, baby. It's me. I'm here. Don't leave me. Please don't do that..." Natasha sobbed "Please don't do that..."

But suddenly, your eyes closed and your chest settled.

"Y/N?" Natasha started shaking you lightly "Wake up! Come on! Come on, my baby. Open your beautiful eyes. Look at me! We have plans for the future. Remember? Nick said that he would give us a free year so we could do whatever we wanted together. We can do all the things we said we were too busy for. Just you and me, kitten. What am I going to do with my time if I don't have my life anymore? You are my life, Y/N. Don't leave me, baby girl. Please. Don't leave me, sweetheart."

The shaking became more and more violent as Natasha saw that you weren't responding to her.

Her sobs?

Louder and louder.

The pain in her chest?

Unbearable.

"Come on! Wake up!" Natasha kept repeating "Wake up!"

"Wake up!"

"Wake up!"

~~~~~

"Wake up!"

Natasha shoot up, gasping for air.

Her face was tear-strained, her forehead full of sweat, her hands were shaking uncontrollably, her heart was beating so fast that it felt as if it was about to jump out of her chest, her breath was coming out in weird patterns.

"Mama?" A concerned voice pulled her out of the fog in her mind

Natasha backed away for a moment when she saw you in front of her, worry written all over your face.

She looked down at her hands but your blood was no more on them as she expected it to be.

"Are you okay, Mama?" You cooed as you got closer to her

Natasha threw herself with all her strength to hug you. The action causing you to fall backwards on the bed. Natasha on top of you.

"Oh, my baby. My sweet and tiny baby. My little girl. I lost you. I couldn't protect you as I promised I would. Please forgive me, baby girl. Please..." Natasha kept pleading over and over as she peppered your face with countless kisses

"Hey, hey. It's okay. Look." You pulled away from her death grip, took her hands in yours, and placed them on your cheeks, starting to rub them "I'm okay. I'm alive. You didn't lose me. It was a nightmare, Mama. You didn't fail me. It was all a bad dream and nothing more."

"But I did. I-I watched you die in my arms and I couldn't do anything to prevent it. I‐" Natasha bursted out in tears

"No, no, no, no. You did not. I'm here with you. Forever. You can't get rid of me so easily." You smiled to reassure your mom that you are okay, kissing her cheeks

You had never seen Natasha in such a state. So vulnerable and fragile. Her cries and sobs are what woke you up from your sleep. Seeing her trashing around in bed scared you and you tried to wake her.

Who would have believed it?

The great Black Widow scared to death of a simple nightmare about losing her child.

Something no one ever expected to see.

"It was a nightmare..." You whispered softly as your mom pulled you once again closer to her chest "I'm alright. I'm safe with you" You reassured her

Natasha was relieved to see that everything was just a bad dream. But what if one day this actually happens and her life is taken away from her?

No.

She'll make sure that this will never happen as long as she's alive. She'll protect you with all she has. She'll protect you until her last heartbeat.

[yeargerbbyblr]

Constellations and Apologies

Eren and his sister Fay were always really close growing up. Inseparable even. But after the death of their mother, Eren was never the same with her. It was almost like he blamed her for their mom's death.

I've had this idea for a while. Ever since I watched aot for the first time age 13, I've had an OC that was Eren's sister. She had gone through so many name changes over the years, but I landed of Fay, thinking, this would be so sweet if Grisha wanted to name his daughter after his sister.

Enjoy my attempt at an Eren angst, featuring my OC that I love like she's my baby. Set after they reclaim wall maria <3

not proofread, too much effort x

crossposted on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60568789

WK: 5141

Eren and his sister Fay were always really close growing up. Inseparable even. But after the death of their mother, Eren was never the same with her. It was almost like he blamed her for their mom's death.

Fay was there with their mother as the wall was breached. After Eren and her mom had gotten into yet another fight about him watching to join the Survey Corps. She was left alone with her mother. When the wall was kicked in, a massive boulder came straight for their house. Luckily, her mom managed to push her out of the house, getting trapped under the rubble in the process.

It had been six years since that day, Fay was now fifteen and Eren was sixteen. They had just made it back from reclaiming Wall Maria. Even though the joy from the victory was there, everyone was on edge, especially since there was only eleven scouts left. You, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Sasha, Connie, Floch, Hange, and Levi.

Fay was sat in the mess hall, eating her dinner, when Eren walked into it for his. She haven't had a proper conversation with Eren since before the fall of Wall Maria. Before she joined the military, he would respond to anything she said with anger, now he won't even look at her. Fay didn't know which is worse. Fay wanted her brother back. She missed him. She didn't fully understand why he wouldn't talk to her.

He knows why he won't talk to her. He thinks that she's the reason your mother is dead. It pains him to even look at her, especially since, as she's grown, she looks almost identical to her.

Eren sat down at the table both their friends were sat at, every time she looked at him, he looked at her, with a slight glare. She didn't know if she should say something, or if she should just cut her losses and try and move on from wanting her brother back.

The entire time, there was chatter around the table from all their friends. Fay tried to listen in, to drown out the sound of her own thought, but nothing was working.

She looked up from her food, passed the end of it to Sasha, saying 'Here, finish it' and stood up, leaving the mess hall to head outside. Once she got outside, she climbed up the side of one of the building, to get to a small little rooftop. It was dark, so here she was able to enjoy the quiet, as well as the stars.

Stargazing was a bittersweet experience for her. On one hand, she loved the stars, she love how they shone down on the world, twinkling in the dark blue sky. She loved the cool air the nighttime brought, and the look of the moon next to all the stars.

On the other hand, stargazing was something she first started to do with Eren as a child. Something that only her and Eren shared. When they were eight and nine, Fay and Eren used to sneak out of the house late at night, and walk to the tree on the hill. They would lay under it, until the sun started to rise, watching the stars. Eren would tell her everything he learned about the Ocean from Armin, and about how he wanted to join the Scouts one day. Those were some of the most cherished memories Fay had, she held them so close to her heart.

After a few moments of Fay leaving the mess hall, Eren realized she wasn't returning, so he turned to the others to ask about it.

"Where'd Fay go?"

Armin turned to respond, but before he could, Mikasa spoke, saying.

"I think she said she needed some fresh air, something about needing a break from all the commotion."

Eren nodded slowly, but he couldn't help but feel like something wasn't right. Mikasa was almost always right, so he didn't doubt her words, but something told him he should go check on her.

After a moment, he spoke.

"I'll be back, I'm gonna go make sure she's okay."

After making it to the rooftop, a wave of peace washed over Fay. The stars were so beautiful that night. The moon was bring and full, and the sounds of the cricket added to the feeling of it all.

She sat back against the wall of the building, sitting in a way that, if someone came out, the wouldn't see her on the roof.

She felt relaxed for the first time in years, as if a weight had temporarily been lifted off her shoulders.

Once Eren made it outside, he looked around, quickly noticing that she was no longer outside near the mess hall, so he started to look around. After a moment, he looked up, his eyes landing on the roof, wondering if she'd be up there, he started to climb the side of the building, hoping that she was indeed up there and not anywhere else.

Once Eren had made it to the top of the roof, he quickly looked around, and spotted her sat against the wall on the other side. He was relieved to see her, confirming that she was alright, he slowly walked towards her, before he spoke, trying his best not to startle her by his voice, but he just wanted to know she was okay.

"Fay?"

Fay peeled her eyes away from the stars, looking in shock to see Eren call out for her. He had barely even spoke to her in the past few years, let alone call her by her name or call out for her.

Years worth of pain came crashing down on top of her as she looked at him. The relaxation she had from being up here had vanished, leaving nothing but an anxious pit in her stomach

"Hi..." *She spoke, not sure what else to say to him. 'Why is he here? What is her doing?' kept swirling around in her head. She wanted nothing more that to run to him, hold him tightly, beg him to never hurt her again, but she knew she couldn't. She knew she had to be realistic about this. Eren hated her... there was nothing she could do about it.

The look of shock on her face didn't go unnoticed by Eren, but he pushed his thoughts away, he had came up here to make sure she was alright, so he was gonna make sure she was alright. He slowly walked towards her, until he stopped and slowly sat down in front of her. Once he was sitting in front of her, his back against the wall and his knees pulled close to his chest, he spoke, his voice coming out softer than it usually did.

"Are you okay? How did you even get up here?"

"I'm fine..." She replied, trying not to let her emotions get to her. She was trying so hard not to cry, not to start sobbing and apologise to Eren for whatever she did to make him hate her.

"I climbed up"

He looked at her closely for a moment, not fully believing her when she said she was fine. He could tell she wasn't, she was so tense, and her voice quivered ever so slightly when she spoke, making Eren certain that she was hiding something.

He slowly leaned his head back against the wall, his gaze drifting up to the stars for a moment, before it went back down to her. After a second, he spoke quietly.

"Why're you up here?"

She looked up to the stars, trying to get the comfort she got from them not even five minutes ago. The bright little specks never moved, they stayed the same way they always were. The same way she always remembered them.

"...To look at the stars..."

Eren followed her eyes as they landed on the stars. He could tell she was trying to relax herself again, just by looking at her. It didn't work, she were still so tense and he hated that fact.

Once she spoke, he looked back at her, a small sigh leaving his lips. After a moment, he spoke.

"Why do you look up at the stars so often?"

Fay kept looking at the stars, the moonlight illuminating her features, she looked so much like their mother.

"I always have loved the stars... some things just don't change"

She didn't want to tell him that the reminded her of their childhood. She didn't want to tell him that once their mom had said 'If i'm ever not with you, we'll always be under the same moon'. She didn't want to tell him she spent hours talking to the moon, hoping that her mother would hear her

Eren nodded slowly in response to her answer, his eyes watching her as the moonlight lightly illuminated your features, making her look just like their mother. It made Eren's heart ache, he hated that she looked like her, reminding him of one of the most painful things in his life.

After a second, he spoke, trying to ignore the pain that was building in his heart.

"Why did you start? Looking at the stars, I mean."

"... They were... beautiful" Fay replied slowly.

The stars always spoke to her. Not in a way of actually words, but something about them just connected to her heart. As long as she remembered, she was fascinated by the stars, how they shone so brightly, how they were a constant in her life, ever after it had been uprooted by the titans six years ago

Eren listened quietly as she spoke. He slowly craned his neck to look up at the night sky, his eyes meeting the stars above them. After a moment he spoke, his voice coming out quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Do they still feel beautiful to you? Even after everything that's happened?"

"If anything... it makes them more beautiful"

She continued to look up at the stars, noticing the patterns in the constellations, letting the cool breeze from the night air flow through her hair, creating goosebumps on her skin.

"There's one thing... that will never change. They'll always stay beautiful"

Eren listened as her as she spoke. Her words somehow both comforted him and made the pain in his heart worse. It made it worse because she was right, the stars were beautiful, and they always will be, but at the same time, hearing her say that made it hard for him to hold his feelings in. The stars were the one thing that will never change, and he knew that. He hated the fact that she was right.

"And the stars are always paired with the moon"

She spoke again, moving her head slightly to look up at the moon

"The moon is even more beautiful than the stars. It's there always, even though it changes, it still stays the same"

"Looking at the moon... always make me feel like mom is next to me. Like she's watching out, making sure i'm safe..."

She spoke again, this time, her voice getting quieter

"She said 'if i'm ever not with you, look to the moon, we'll always be under the same moon, no matter what'"

Eren listened as she spoke, his heart aching even more at her words. The memories that came up with her words and the way she spoke about them was painful. It hurt him because he knew how important those words were to her, but he felt like he couldn't be happy about it. He felt like he shouldn't be. After moments of silence, he finally spoke, his voice quiet as well.

"Do you think that she is? Watching over you, I mean."

She let out a small sigh, eyes never leaving the moon

"I'm not sure... but I'd like to tell myself that. I like to think she's with the moon and the stars..."

Eren nodded slowly again in response to her words. He felt the same way. After a moment, he spoke again, his voice slightly shaky this time.

"I... I hope she is too."

Fay blinked back the emotions threatening to come to the surface. The anxious pit in her stomach never leaving. She grabbed her necklace and started to fiddle with it. A necklace she had since the fall of Wall Maria.

Eren's eyes followed the movement of her hand as she fiddled with her necklace. He noticed that it was a necklace with something silver dangling from it. He was certain he recognised it, but he couldn't focus enough to tell what exactly it was. After a moment, he spoke quietly again.

"Where... where'd you get that necklace?"

"I've had it since the breach..."

As she spoke, Eren's eyes went wide as he recognised what the charm on the necklace was. It was his mothers wedding ring. His breath hitched as he stared at it, a wave of emotions hitting him all at once.

"You- You... have mom's wedding ring."

She blinked a couple more times, trying to keep herself from crying. As much as the memory hurt, she knew that it would be easier to explain it fully.

"When- ... when the house collapsed... and she got trapped... before you and Mikasa came to us, she took it off and gave it to me... made me promise to keep it with me, so there would always be a part of her with us"

"Do... do you keep that promise?"

She nodded, clasping her fist around the ring, holding it close to herself

"I could never break it"

Eren had to fight back tears as he looked at her clutching the ring. His heart ached more than it ever had. He hated that he couldn't bring himself to fully open up with her again. He hated that he had to hold everything in. He hated that she looked so much like their mother. Even more than that, he hated himself for never being able to talk to her the way he used to.

After a few moment, Fay let go of the ring, bringing her arms back down to hug herself. She lifted her gaze again, watching the clouds slowly float past the moon and the stars.

Eren looked at her for a moment, watching her watch the night sky. It was cold on the roof, so he slowly reached down to pull his coat off, before slowly moving over to you, and draping his coat over your shoulders.

When Fay felt his coat drop on her shoulders, she looked straight over to him, her eyes were as innocent as ever, never changing from the way she looked as a kid.

"B-but are you not cold?" She asked him. She didn't want him to get sick. Sure he was a titan, and could recover quite easily from anything, but she still worried about his well being. He is her big brother after all.

Eren sat beside her, pulling his knees close to his chest, his back resting against the wall behind him. He looked up at the night sky again, the stars shining brightly above them. After a moment, he spoke, his voice soft.

"They really are beautiful, aren't they?"

Fay just nodded, gaze fixed onto the little white and yellow specks in the sky.

"You still love the stars, just as much as when we were younger."

"More than anything..."

She kept her gaze focused on the moon, as if trying to telepathically communicate with it. As if to communicate with their mother.

Eren kept his gaze on her, watching as she focused her attention on the moon. Despite hating how she loved looking at the stars, since it reminded him of the pain he had been through, as well as the fact that she looked so much like their mother, he still found himself unable to look away. He couldn't help but love how relaxed Fay looked. It reminded him so much of when they were kids. After a moment, he spoke again, his voice barely audible.

"I remember... the way you used to point to different constellations, and show me all the stars that you knew."

"I still do that to anyone who will listen.." *She said, looking around at the sky to spot any constellations*

"Look-" She said, pointing to a group of stars "The big dipper," She pointed to a few stars then moved her hand slightly to point to more "and the little dipper"

Eren watched as she pointed to the sky, his eyes following her hand and landing on the stars she had pointed to. It brought a faint smile to his lips as memories of her doing the same thing years ago rushed into his mind. After a moment, he spoke again, his voice still coming out soft as he continued to focus on the sky.

"Which was my favourite again?"

"Draco... you said, it's cool cause it's a dragon" Fay smiled, watching the stars sparkle brightly in the night sky

Eren's eyes lit up slightly, a smile still on his lips. He remembered that night like it happened yesterday. He remembered the joy he felt when he saw the dragon constellation. He remembered how she had smiled as he rambled about it, he remembered how she had laughed at him when he tried to act scary like a dragon.

He remembered everything, and he hated the fact that he still did. He hated how it brought out such happy memories of the two of them as kids, and how she had always been his favourite person.

"My favourite was always Cygnus" Fay said, breaking the silence.

Eren turned his head to face her, his eyes landing on her, as he listened to her speak.

"That's... the swan, right?"

She nodded, turning to look at him with a small smiled.

"I'm surprised you remembered"

Eren chuckled quietly in response, before speaking.

"Of course I remembered. I remember everything we used to do when we were younger. I remember how you used to show me constellations and tell me stories about different stars. I remember the way you'd laugh at me as I tried to act like a dragon. I remember everything."

Her small smile slowly changed into a sad one, not because she was upset at what he said, but the fact he still remembered everything, but chose to abandon their bond after the fall of Wall Maria.

She quickly looked back to the stars, blinking away a few tears that were threatening to spill.

Eren went silent, a wave of guilt washing over him as he noticed the change in her mood. He knew exactly why she was suddenly sad. He knew exactly why she was struggling to hold back tears. It's because of him. It's because of his actions, and his inability to be able to be honest about everything that he felt.

He hated himself for it.

She kept staring at the stars, hoping that they would get rid of the pit in her stomach, begging them to calm her down, to not let now be the moment where she can no longer control her emotions.

Eren looked at her for a moment, his hand twitching slightly, wanting to reach over and comfort her. He ached to comfort her, to try and make up for everything he had put her through, but he knew that he couldn't. He felt as though he didn't deserve to try and comfort her.

As the silence between them both remained, Eren finally worked up the courage to speak quietly, his voice coming out shakier than he intended.

"Fay..."

"Yeah...?"

Her voice was also shaky, her eyes were glossy, tears were ready to fall at any moment. Her body was on edge, being so close to Eren after all this time, made the pit in her stomach get worse, to the point she felt physically sick. She wanted nothing more for him to explain what was going on, she'd understand, she help him. She didn't understand why he acted the way he did, why he hated her. Why couldn't he love her the way he used to?

Eren winced at the sound of her voice, he hated it. She sounded as if she was going to sob at any moment, and that thought made the ache in his chest get worse, to the point where he felt like he was suffocating. He didn't know what to say, he felt paralyzed, he hated himself more than he ever had, for making her feel so terrible. His hand that was resting on the ground twitched again, his guilt overwhelming him more by the second.

"I'm... I'm sorry..."

"h-huh?"

Those words took Fay by surprise. The two words she wanted to hear from him, the two words she begged the stars each nice for him to say. He said them. She couldn't stop, she couldn't stop the tears from slowly starting to roll down her cheeks.

As Eren watched the tears begin to fall from her eyes, his heart ached even more, and he felt as though it was shattering. He hated seeing those tears. He hated thinking that he was the reason behind them. He hated himself for hurting her the way he did.

Without thinking about his actions, Eren moved closer to Fay, slowly placing his arm around her shoulders, and pulling her closer to himself, his other arm wrapping around her waist.

He wanted nothing more than to be able to comfort her, comfort his little sister. He wanted to be there for her, be the one she could rely on, like how they were when they were kids.

Her tears kept flowing, every emotion to do with that situation was being felt tenfold. The hurt she felt from the way Eren treated her the past six years, the comfort she felt, having her big brother hug her. The words he spoke shattered her heart but at the same time, bandaged it up.

Every tear that flowed down her cheek, every sob she choked back, it shattered Eren's heart more and more. He hated how broken she was because of him. He hated the fact that he was responsible for her current emotional state.

All he could do was hold her tighter, trying to comfort her the best he could, and hoping that he wouldn't do anything else to upset her. After a moment, he spoke again, his voice still shaky.

"I'm so sorry..."

After what felt like a millennia, but was only a few minutes, Fay's sobs started to stop. She stayed clinging to Eren, not wanting this to stop, not wanting him to let go.

"...w-why? why did you... do- do you hate me Eren...?" She wanted her words to come out demanding, but they couldn't. With every word she spoke her voice trembled, cracking slightly. She just wanted answers.

He continued to keep his arms wrapped tightly around her, doing his best to comfort her.

When she asked him why, he froze. He knew exactly why. He hated admitting that he hated her, but he couldn't bring himself to lie to her, so he spoke, his voice still shaky, and barely audible.

"I- I don't... hate you..."

"... then why Eren...?" Her voice breaking with every word.

Eren knew exactly what she was referring to. The years of glares, the years of ignoring her, pretending she didn't exist. Shouting at her when she came near. Even some 'it should have been you, not mom' comments were said before they joined the military.

He knew logically, it was irrational to blame Fay for their mother's death. But he couldn't get it out of his head. If Fay wasn't at home, their mom would've made it out of the house. She wouldn't have had to protect Fay, and in the process get herself trapped.

Eren felt his heartbreak completely as she continued to ask him why. He hated the fact that he had to answer. He hated that he had to tell her why he ignored her and acted like he hated her for the past six years.

His arms remained wrapped around her as he went silent for a moment. He tried to form the words to explain why, but his mind wouldn't allow him to.

"You... you wouldn't understand..."

"I'm... I'm sure I would... there has to be a reason, right?" She still had tears flowing, but they were after calming down. Her voice was still shaky, but somehow came out soft and understanding, the care that she had for her brother was never lost.

"...please... just tell me Eren..."

She begged, she needed to know why. She needed to know what she had done wrong to lose her brother's love.

Eren hated the way she begged him to tell her. The sound of it made his heart ache, even more than it already was. He hated to admit it, but he hated hearing her beg. He hated how badly she wanted to be loved by him. He hated how much he wanted to tell her everything, but he knew that it would only make things worse.

As he held onto her tighter, he spoke again, his voice still shaky and quiet, but he managed to get his words out.

"It's because of... because of mom..."

When he said that, she pulled back to sit up, wiping her tears from her eyes. She looked at him, a confused look plastered on her face.

"M-mom...? I... i don't understand..."

She spoke, her voice soft and quiet. He hate her because of what happened to mom? But... why?

She watched him for a moment, watching his body language, the look of guilt in his eyes. Her face changed slightly, the look of confusion morphing to one of understand with a mix of hurt.

"...wait... do- do you... do you blame me...?"

Eren hated the confusion in her voice. He hated how she were trying to piece things together to figure out why he acted the way he did towards her. He hated how her face slowly changed from confusion to one with understanding and pain, and he hated how all he could do was look down and nod, confirming that he did blame her.

She looked away from him, looking back up to the stars. She wasn't surprised, she had guessed all this time he held some resentment against her for being saved by their mother, causing their mom to lose her life.

"... that... makes sense"

She kept her gaze in the stars. Watching the twinkling white and yellow lights.

"... you're not alone in blaming me..."

“What… what do you mean?”

"... I blame myself too..."

Those simple words came out like something she had said a million times before. It was something that played in her head over and over and over again since the death of their mother. If she wasn't there, if she could have ran like her mother told her too... their mother would still be alive.

She didn't move and inch, keeping her steady gaze in the stars. In her head, all that was playing; it is your fault, all your fault.

Eren's eyes widened as he listened to her words. The fact that she admitted to blaming herself was what shattered his heart the most. He hated how casually she said it, as though she had said those words before. He hated that she had held this guilt over herself for years, and he hated how much he wished he could have been able to talk to her about it years ago.

His chest ached as he spoke quietly.

"Why...? Why do you blame yourself...?"

She took a deep breath, before turning her head to look at him.

"... probably the same reason you blame me"

He looked at her, his eyes locking with her own. He hated how she knew the reason, but more than anything, he hated how he found himself unable to deny what she said.

Eren was silent for a moment, before finally speaking again, his voice coming out quiet and shaky.

"Yea..."

"...yea.."

She turned back to the night sky, watching the deep blues and purples mix together beautifully.

"... i'm not upset you blame me though... I understand why you do..."

“You do…?”

She nodded, glancing back to him, a soft comforting smile on her lips.

"...of course I do..."

Eren hated that she smiled at him as she spoke, that soft comforting smile of hers. He hated the comforting feeling he felt from that smile, that he didn't deserve from her. He hated how badly he wanted to hold onto that smile. He hated how much he ached to hug her, to be able to make up for everything he put her through.

"Fay..."

Eren couldn't find the words to say anything else. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to make it right, didn't know how to make up for how he treated her for the past six years. He felt stuck. He hated how badly he wanted to cry, to break down, to let her see just how much pain he truly felt. He hated the feeling of helplessness, and he hated himself for being unable to say anything more.

Fay took another deep breath, attempting to get her emotions in check, she wanted to stop crying, she wanted things to go back to normal.

"As... as long as you're sorry... that's the main thing... right?"

“Yea… that's the main thing…” Eren replied, looking up to the sky, the same dark blue sky they used to watch as kids.

She gave him another smile, before looking back at the stars and taking a deep breath.

"Well... it's getting late, we should both head to bed.." She said, stretching out her limbs, and getting up. She put a hand out from him to take, to help him up.

He only nodded, grabbing your hand and standing up.

"Yea... it is getting late..."

"See you at breakfast"

She gave him another smile, walking over to the edge of the roof, before quickly hopping down back to the ground and walking off towards the women's barracks.

She climbed down the old brick wall, feeling the sharp little rock's dig into the pads of her fingers. She landed on the floor, the hard gravel crunching under each foot.

Fay walked off, her steps starting slow and casual, but as she neared the barracks, she sped up. Walking quickly, wanting to get into her bed and sleep the whole night off.

The night went by agonisingly slow, Fay was barely able to get an hour of good sleep. Her mind was plagued by the confirmation Eren did really blame her for their mother's death.

But… at least he finally apologised.

[zozobruh]

Tag game to better know you

Iva, my dear, tysm for tagging me @b1uetrees <3

what book are you currently reading?

I finally got around to reading Dune! It's going really sloooow since I have been working and trying to write my thesis at the same time, but so far so good! (The 1st movie def didn't do justice to some things oops) 

what’s your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year?

I haven't really been to the cinema this year. Objectively, I would say it was Banshees of Inisherin (which I saw with Iva ofc hehe). In terms of the experience of live screening it def was The Rocky Horror Picture Show! It was so fun, I loved people singing and making comments to the plot, epic

what do you usually wear?

Most days of the year you'll see me in mom jeans and a shirt tucked in them or a sweater over them for colder periods of the year. Recently I bought high-waisted wide-leg black jeans and I AM IN LOVE. For shoes I prefer the vans sneakers and dr. martens boots.

how tall are you

157 cm (5'2)

what’s your star sign? do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

Taurus. For celebrities ik that I share my bday with Pierce Brosnan, Megan Fox and Thomas Brodie-Sangster lol

do you go by your name or a nickname?

I go by my name (Klara). The only person that actually calls me Zozo is my boyfriend haha

did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

Def not, but I still think child me would be pretty impressed with what we achieved and would probably think the adult me is cool af haha

are you in a relationship? if not, who is your crush if you have one?

Yes, going strong for almost 4 and a half years. I love my bf and I wouldn't trade what we have for the world. MUST protect <3

what’s something you’re good at vs something you’re bad at?

Honest answer is that I think I'm average at everything lmao. I guess I'm good at planning, organizing and respecting deadlines. I'm bad at maths and quick thinking haha

dogs or cats?

I always say both, but if I'm put in a spot and have to choose, I'll say cats. I feel like kitties are just closer to my personality and I like their dynamic.

if  you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favorite  picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this  year?

I have been writing some rather emo poetry since highschool (I'm okay), so earlier in April, I wrote a little poem I liked:

Daffodil The reflection of water on the wall Mercilessly moving The time is taking its toll The tall glass vase on the table Mercilessly staying still The time is writing its fable As it slowly comes to kill A beautiful yellow daffodil

Recently, I got back into writing fanfiction bc of watching KP, here's my fave line from my fic (ofc titled after MCR) The world is ugly, but you're beautiful to me:

Kinn sits up and studies the night in Bangkok. The bright yellow lights of the buildings are reflected in the darkness of the river. The Theerapanakul headquarters are amongst the brightest shining buildings, shaping the skyline of the city.  Sometimes the building feels like his home, swarming with memories of his brothers and him playing, of his mother reading them stories and preparing them for bed. Growing up made it feel like a prison in which he exists, simply fulfilling his destiny.

what is something that you’d like to create content for?

Before I got into KP brainrot, I really wanted to write for Beyond Evil, but never got to it. But now, I do have a pretty well-developed idea for a BE fic! Everything is on hold until I finish my thesis tho

A wild part of me also wants to stream The Sims4 let's play hahaah

what’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

My brain got a bit too tired to be obsessed in the purest sense of the word, but I'd say KP (and the actors who play them) still has a pretty strong chokehold on me.

what’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

Honestly nothing. The things I was excited about were great, but the things I wasn't excited about were shit so lmao, as expected

what’s a hidden talent of yours?

Don't think I have one

are you religious?

I'm not, however, I'd still say I'm somewhat spiritual. I grew up catholic, but I realized it's just not for me. Since it's hard for me to believe there's nothing at all, so the closest to what I'd label myself as is agnostic.

what’s something you wish to have at this moment?

a finished thesis, so i have more time to relax and do my hobbies after work, one can dream ah

A no pressure tag for @tr1edandtrueblue if you feel like doing this :3

[childoftheyellowsun]

I was setting at a table at this diner in Athens, which quite frankly became my favorite spot since I get the chills for the wooden chairs and the hidden table at the beach.

I became friends with Alex the bartender, he knows where I sit now. He also knows my breakfast everyday except when he sees I'm gleaming, he knows my appetite is good and I want something fancy for the day.

He always said there's just something about you when you take off your hat and show your tanned peeled face with your hair, put it on the table then smile, it's just when you announce a new day for me.

I always say well Alex you know a new sun means we survived and we get a new beginning, he says yes I know that's why people come here, this is why you came here isn't it?

I said yes Alex you got me I'm just tired of waking up everyday to the aftermath of the damage of the world left hanging over my shoulders when I never asked for it.

You left everything behind didn't you? He said

Yes, Alex I decided I no longer want to carry another baggage for the rest of my life, I'm done surviving and competing. Now I live. I replied

But not with what you built? He said.

I know you're curious about my reasons Alex, you can not comprehend the idea that I possibly found everything in the nothingness. Perhaps you can not fathom how I still wear the pride of my burning books and buildings. Little do you know son I wore them before I built any of them. I replied.

Are you happy now? He said

I smiled then finished my cigarette and put it in the sand then opened my notebook and picked up the pen and I was about to write something when I accidently looked up at the table in front of me to the left.

A mother with two kids. I smiled at her, she smiled back. She was beautiful. Golden short hair. A green dress.

_____________________________

I overheard her at the bar later talking to another mom " you thought it would fill you up that you would find it after the first kid but then you don't, then you have the other and you know it in yourself this time that you never will, you're just stuck with the choices you made."

I took it upon myself to interrupt their conversation: You know you wouldn't have found it in the other choices you know.

They both laughed and asked "how would you know?"

I was never happy. I replied

I was free and I wasn't happy

I had a family and I was never happy

I was surrounded by innocent unconditional love and I knew a kid is not what I wanted

I found true love and I wasn't happy

I had money. That didn't work out either

I saw the world and I felt that I left a different piece of me shattered all over in each corner before the world would even know my mom.

Who am I? I never knew

I had my share of beauty, luck, community, knowledgeI lost and I lost and I lost and I had so much to celebrate..

I looked for answers in all the books and songs and movies and other people's stories.

They filled my head so much with the idea that happiness is the end goal and I was always just a sad woman.

I couldn't let go of that. That in the end if all my efforts were in vein then I have become nothing and I would die ashamed of the lines engraved on my cheeks.

But I always felt something else

Matter of fact a lot of things.

Maybe all things other than happiness

I mean I know what it feels like

Yet it's not even the best of them

Why do they crawl so hard after it?

I gave up and I took a rest

I made up my mind

No more looking for something that I know isn't just out there

I made my peace with it, I will not be happy.

But I will be

Loss

Grief

New beginnings

Sunrises

Courage

Tented windows

Bathroom tiles

Inspiration

Daylight

Sadness

Tears

Air

Fearlessness

Breathe

A mom

A daughter

A sister

A lover

A caregiver

A protector

A fighter

Wild

Free

Music

Dancing

Sunsets

The end

Death

Acceptance

Forgiveness

Tenderness

Peace

Nothingness

Everthing

Feelings

Feelings

Feelings

Revolution

Knowing

Not knowing

God

Sympathy

Empathy

Sunshines

Mercy

The devil

Angels

Books

Universe

Collapses

Birds

What I have become of all the things that made me

The things no one can take away from me

I'm overflowing all the time

And I just can't help it

I'm dripping everywhere I walk

And I can't hold on to all those things

I can barely drag my feet behind me

But you can see it all in my face now

I found that the meaning of everything, the nothings and all that's in between is in the journey

There's no final destination

There is no answer

There is no happy

There is just this

You don't need to have it all

To have lived it all

It's already within

It's living

We knew it

From the beginning

From the moment we were born

Maybe you just didn't have to feel guilty when you took off your shoes and dipped your feet in the sand and took a long breath when the wave touched your toe

Maybe you didn't have to learn anything

Nothing at all

To deserve the ocean

To earn the sun

To love

And to be loved

W IS FOR "WHOLE UNIVERSE WITHIN ME"

Journal Entry No.5 2024

[fallenloverecords]

In one hand the past, in the other the future. Shuffle the deck. It took longer than I wished but I've reached the place where I wanted to be for a long time. Married, happy, building a home and a life together. We're in the best place in our relationship that we've ever been and from here the rest will hopefully sort itself out. After years of waiting, my boss finally entered me into the management training course and I finished with flying colors. This time next year I'll be running my own store and theoretically making proper adult money finally in my late thirties, an annual salary instead of an hourly one for the first time. From there, more opportunities. A chance to travel, to leave North America for the first time? A chance to try to make more of my dreams come true? No matter how far I drift, I am always anchored by my past. I don't make five zines per year like I did in my younger days but I sell more than ever when I table at the annual zine fair here every October. I don't fall in love with as many new artists per year as I would like but certain gems still find their way in and I don't give up on the search. In the meantime, I revisit forgotten favorites from days gone by. We've got a long cold stretch ahead of us. Build a fire in your heart.

"My 10 Favorite Albums Of 2023"

1. Tiny Microphone - Other Cities 2. Hannah Jadagu - Aperture 3. The Motifs - I'm The One You Love... 4. Sailor Down - Lookout Park 5. Jenny Lewis - Joy'All 6. Dizzy - Dizzy 7. Julie Byrne - The Greater Wings 8. Lowest Of The Low - Welcome To The Plunderdome 9. Lost Film - Keep It Together 10. Withered Hand - How To Love "My 4 Favorite EP's Of 2023"

1. Bridey - Arena Rock Appetizer 2. Jeanines - Each Day 3. Radlands - All Alone 4. Laughed The Boy - The World Seemed So Small "My 5 Favorite Cover Songs" 1. The Beths & Pickle Darling - "Brand New Colony" (The Postal Service cover) 2. Soccer Mommy - "Here" (Pavement cover) 3. Jonathan Richman - "I'm In A Dancing Mood" (Delroy Wilson cover) 4. Petite League - "Bastards Of Young" (The Replacements cover) 5. Julie Byrne with Laugh Cry Laugh - "These Days" (Jackson Browne cover) "My 10 Favorite Songs Not On The Above Releases"

1. Nic Hessler - "I Know You Know" 2. Mother Tongues - "Worm Day" 3. Jobber - "Summerslam" 4. The Slow Summits - "Oh Me Oh My" 5. The Telephone Numbers - "Weird Sisters" 6. The Primitives - "I Won't Care" 7. Girl And Her Bad Mood - "Heals" 8. Fairfields - "4pm" 9. The Cat's Miaow - "Between The Stations And The Silence" 10. April June - "Burning Love Letters" "Top 5 Blogs" 1. Records I Like 2. For The Rabbits 3. Jangle Pop Hub 4. Various Small Flames 5. When You Motor Away "Last.fm: Most Listened To Artists" 1. Eels 2. Martha 3. Lowest Of The Low 4. Jens Lekman 5. Guster "Last.fm: Most Listened To Pre-2023 Songs" 1. Martha - "I Didn't Come Here To Surrender" 2. Gin Blossoms - "My Car" 3. Allo Darlin' - "My Heart Is A Drummer" 4. Adult Mom - "Berlin" 5. Letters To Cleo - "Cruel To Be Kind"

[sofiiel]

There & Back Again | Chapter 7

𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐰

↰ ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ | ᴛᴀʙʟᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛꜱ | ɴᴇxᴛ ↱

ᵂᵒʳᵈ ᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ: ⁴²⁶⁹

After feeding Shelob, Myrtle was quick to get out of the house. She wasn't going to sit and be tortured by the smells and colors of Saturday morning breakfast at the dinner table. But as she made her way down the street to the dry cleaners, she could vividly imagine how good her mother's blueberry pancakes looked at the center of the table. She used to be given the one at the very top of the stack.

Giving her head a shake, Myrtle sighed, "just get to the dry cleaners and pick up the dresses, then go see Robin and see if you can patch things up." She thought. Robin had been working down at the movie theater as a ticket taker. Myrtle had her own special hate for the movie theater, but when you need a part-time job, anywhere seems nice at first.

Down at the dry cleaners, Myrtle stood in line behind a familiar face. Jonathan Byers had become a well-known face around town after the previous year, it was a story that took over the town. Myrtle could hardly imagine what it must have felt like being told your brother was found dead, even harder to imagine finding out later it was a horrible mistake, and he was still very much alive.

Myrtle found herself lost in thought and gazing out into nothing. "I wonder if someone out there wonders where I'm at..." she thought to herself. She knows the story, found in the road poisoned with venom and half dead from a blood infection. Her father always said that someone just didn't want her anymore and tossed her out. Rumor spread around that she was a missing child, and part of Myrtle had to wonder...." was I?"

Jonathan turned around from picking up his mother's clothes and nearly jumped, He hadn't heard Myrtle come in. She was as much of a ghost around school as he was, but sometimes she amazed him with how nonexistent she could appear, like she wasn't really there at all. He'd even tried to take pictures of her in the past, and somehow she would step away the moment the shot was taken. He found it a shame, she was great for the camera, sorrowfully photogenic.

"Hey, you're, Myrtle, right?" Jonathan asked, Myrtle, turned to look at him, unsure of what to do. "We've never spoken before." she thought, "We...we don't really talk. But...I've kind of been meaning to thank you. My mom said you and your family build that memorial back when...well..."

Myrtle waved her hand, "don't finish that thought." she said, offering a strained smile. Jonathan gave a nod. "It's fine, I mean - I guess my family figured considering my own story....we should have done something." She said. "I'm glad your brother is home and safe now." 

Jonathan nodded, "my uh, My mom. Joyce, has been meaning to invite your mother over to dinner to say a proper thank you." He said, but Myrtle could read the skepticism on his face. "You've heard stories of my dad." Myrtle said bringing her ticket to the counter. "Ah...yeah." Jonathan gave an awkward sigh.

"They aren't wrong," Myrtle spoke quietly. Glancing back at him, she gave a strained smile, "my moms not much different, I suppose they aren't bad people...they just aren't people, people. They like cards...that should work just as well." Myrtle said. Jonathan gave a nod, He could see the gloom in the back of her eyes again, the very thing that made him want to capture her in a picture. It was a look that made her seem as if one day she'd vanish.

"Thanks for the warning, I guess I'll see you around," said Jonathan exiting the dry cleaners.

Myrtle sighed, "some days are harder than others to lie for them, about them." she thought to herself. Collecting the dressed in her arms.

Showing up at the Movie theater, Myrtle went inside and quickly spotted a bored Robin, "thank you, your movie is playing theater 3 on the left." Robin droned dryly, taking the ticket from an elderly man and tearing it, handing him back the stub.

Myrtle giggled quietly and waved from a distance.  With a gasp, Robin waved back waiting for Myrtle to walk closer as she waited in line, "thank you for - oh theater 1 on the left!" Robin said rushing the next family in line and quickly taking their tickets. When Myrtle stepped up Robin grinned. "does this mean you're not mad at me?" she asked quickly, Myrtle gave her head a shake, "I overreacted....but you know me, I can be overly sensitive." she said.

"No, no - it's probably something you suppressed for years and years from the life before you were found by your family, and I probably should have known better. Besides, I've been told I am heavy-handed, and it probably could have been a lot worse, like I could've knocked out one of your teeth or something...or given you jaw arthritis... that's not what it's called but..." Robin rambled.

Myrtle smiled faintly, "He was right." she giggled. Robin smiled confused, "he?" she asked. Myrtle's eyes grew wide, "um what?" she asked. "W-who's he?" Robin stammered. Myrtle side glanced, "n-nobody!" she peeped, her voice nearly falling into falsetto. Robin gave a sly smirk, "oooo finally over Harrington the hair?" Robin teased.

Myrtle blushed, "It's not like that," She said, "let me be like a proud mom, alright, my little girls making new friends - let me have this. So long as they don't replace yours truly." Robin said playfully. "But...seriously details? Who?" Robin asked, the line behind Myrtle getting longer and more impatient. "Nobody, really - look, I'm holding up the line and I really should be going. I'm running a to-do list for my dad." Myrtle said quickly.

"Fine, but I will get you to talk!" Robin called out to Myrtle, who was trying to flee from the angry line of moviegoers.

Eddie waited in his van on the corner, patting his hands to the drum snare of Fire in the Brain. His buyer was already seventeen minutes late, and Eddie had his mind set on band practice. They didn't know it yet, but he was determined to practice their set right into the ground. "If she shows up Tuesday, if she actually shows, It's got to be perfect." He thought, gazing out the window.

"Of course," he sang in his head in a sigh, "she might hate metal and be there thinking, wow these guys are awful..." He thought, leaning his head back against his seat. "But with eyes like hers, even if she's never listened to it a day in her life, she might just feel the sound, right?" Eddie asked himself. 

"Sorry I'm late man, My dad almost caught me..." Called Eddie's buyer, a senior of Hawkins High, as he pulled his car up next to Eddie's. "All the time in the world, dude." Eddie reassured him, hopping out of his van.

Leaning over into the buyer's convertible, Eddie held out a small case, "First things first, you usually get weed from me. Do you even know how to use this stuff?" Eddie asked. The guy rolled his eyes, "Yes, I'm not stupid." He said holding out the money. Eddie watched him skeptically, as he could see on the guy's face he wasn't telling the truth "it's powder, so up the nose" Eddie started dryly tapping the side of his nostril, "around the red hills," He added showing and pointing out his gums, "Pour it in your drink or bomb it, but I didn't give you any bombing papers, so please don't" He warned as they exchanged.

Briefly, Eddie drew back the case, "and under no circumstances...you know." Eddie murmured, making an injecting motion. "Not the best idea." he mouthed, finally passing the box of Speed.

"Are all dealers such moms about it?" The buyer snickered. "Yeah, be glad I am, something tells me you'll thank me later." Eddie muttered. Catching a glimpse of a familiar black car from the corner of his eye, Eddie quickly dropped, hiding behind the buyer's car.

"Shit, shit, shit...." He cursed under his breath, eyes peeking above the door, as they spotted the car slow to a stop. "Shit, god-damn it..." Eddie continued on. It was too late, and he wasn't going to be caught hiding. Popping back up to his feet, Eddie placed on a smile.

"Eddie?" Myrtle asked, getting out her car. "U-um, heeey McKinney." He called, head screaming as he tried his best to remain casual. "What are...what are you doing around here?" He asked, rubbing his upper arm. Sure, he might have been conducting his sales on a public corner, but it was a corner in the backstreets. Nobody up to any good lingered around the backstreets. This wasn't the most ideal situation he wanted to be caught in.

"Ok, so worst-case scenario...." Eddie thought to himself, "she'll cut and run," He exhaled. "And possibly calls the cops, and never wants anything to do with you ever." He's mind sulked. "Munson you need to get her out of here." 

Myrtle halted her footsteps as she tried to read the situation, She could see Eddie's eyes silently warning her, "um...am I...interrupting something?" She asked timidly, "no, of course not" - "who are you?" Both boys said together.  Eddie chuckled airily, voice shaking with nerves. "Ehm...I'm just..." He stammered. Myrtle watched Eddie stammer, for a moment, when a light bulb went off in the mystery guy's head. 

Eddie's buyer burst into laughter, "Oh my god, you're the strawberry!" He snorted, Eddie covered his eyes with one hand and bowed his head, "perfect" he thought.

"Hey, hey?" the buyer called, leaning out the side of his car. "What are you selling?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows mockingly. Myrtle's mouth tumbled open, and a mortified blush flew across her face. 

"DUDE!" Eddie shouted, "Not cool!" His voice rose higher as he glared at his buyer.

"I um..." Myrtle said tumbling over her words, "I um...um, I'm going to just..." she said pointing over her shoulder to the car.

"McKinney!" Eddie called, running around the convertible trying to catch up.

"Of course, of course, I know that he was probably embarrassed to be seen with me." Myrtle thought, wishing she could kick herself.

"No, no, no..." Eddie's mind thought, spinning. "Myrtle!" He called, nearly running into her car as she closed the door. "It's ok Eddie, I'm sorry. Um...I'll see you on Monday," she said quietly.

"Monday?" Eddie exhaled, "the show...." He said. Myrtle looked about, "I wish he wasn't still trying to be nice about it..." she thought.

"I've fucked this..." Eddie's mind shouted at him. 

"Look, I don't know what you thought happened back there, and I'm sorry the guy's an idiot." Eddie tried to talk fast, pointing his thumb over his shoulder. "But-"

"You don't have to be nice, Eddie, really. It's ok." Myrtle said, turning to look at him. Eddie deflated, and he glanced back at the buyer, turning around his mouth fell open, and he flashed Myrtle big saddened eyes as it hit him.

"Wait" He said slowly, "I wasn't...I'm not..." Eddie stammered, He could smack himself, "why can't you make words!" His mind raged. "Tell her it wasn't about her!" it screamed at him in his own pitchy anger.

"I've gotta go..." Myrtle said carefully, starting to back her away. Eddie took a few steps back. His hands on his head as he watched her pull off,

"It was a drug deal!" he finally shouted, but she was already up the alley and out of view. 

"Dude don't yell that out!" his buyer shouted.

"Damn it!" Eddie raged at himself, kicking over a trash can.

Myrtle sat petrified in the office of her church, clad in an ankle length long sleeve dress. "It's so itchy...what is this wool, I'm gonna pass out!" she thought to herself, keeping the fake smile on her face as she nodded to what Pastor Alvin was saying.

"You should be listening." she thought, "no...this always goes to the same place...just get through the meeting." she told herself.

"So, Myrtle, are you ok with running the kids morning show with Saundra?" asked Pastor Alvin. Myrtle gave a complacent nod, "yes of course pastor, I'm sure she and I will think up a great list of songs and hand motions." Myrtle said. She fought the urge to want to puke at the flirtatious smile she was receiving from the man old enough to be her grandfather.

"Right, of course, you will need to come early in the mornings, there may be some...discussions that need to be held." He said. Myrtle gave a nod, "yes, of course." she said simply, her eyes falling on Pastor Alvin's hand as it rested over hers.

A loud knock came on the office door, snatching his hand away, Alvin cleared his throat and Myrtle sighed with a breath of relief. "Pastor? decon Warren has requested you come and look over the work that's being done to the leaky ceiling in the chapel," called June, the church secretary.

Opening the door she peeped her head inside, giving Myrtle a gentle smile, "oh hello there Myrtle good to see you." she chimed. Myrtle gave a quiet wave, "You could tell her, June would believe you....she's so nice. This could be over." Myrtle's mind thought briefly. 

"Yes, I'd better go, I will see you next Wednesday, Myrtle. Tell your father we all miss him at men's bible study." pastor Alvin said before leaving. 

Myrtle waited a moment and then followed June out. Looking at June's swaying brown braids, she gave a sigh. "no, better not." thought Myrtle as they came to the front entrance. "I look forward to this year's VBS don't you?" June said with a bright smile, Myrtle tried her best to return it. "Yes..." was all she could say before stepping out the door.

"I messed up bad." Eddie's words were muffled as he hid his face in his hands.

He and the band were resting after practice in Gareth's garage. Playing had taken his mind off of the fiasco that happened late that morning. But as Noon was turning to dusk, it was creeping back. "Well, just tell her it was a misunderstanding on Tuesday." Scott said.

"Wait, how are we back on this?" Jeff asked.

"Dude, have you ever had a crush? It takes up the function of one whole side of your brain" Gareth said. Jeff rolled his eyes, "yes, I've had plenty, it does not." He said. "Then you clearly aren't doing it right." Scott jumped in.

Eddie watched his friends with a blank gaze, eyes darting between each one. "You can't like someone a right or wrong way." Jeff said. "There is a right and wrong way to everything, dude." said Gareth.

"Well maybe she'll forget." said Jeff taking a sip of soda, really he'd rather the conversation be over. "Have you ever met a girl?" Eddie asked him calmly, to which Jeff nodded, "They never forget anything!" Eddie shouted in frustration.

"Chill pill man, at least now if she shows up, you have your answer." said Scott with a sly smile.

"My answer?" Eddie asked. "Well, you kinda have to like a guy at least a little to show up for him somewhere after you get completely brushed off like that," said Gareth. Eddie groaned and laid back on to the garage floor.

"Damn it!" he shouted.

"Real smooth." Jeff said, turning to the drummer, who gave an apologetic smile.

Night came around quickly in Hawkins, Myrtle sat alone in her room watching the pretty pink dress hanging near her closet. With a heavy sigh, she put the cap back onto the ointment in her hand and looked down at her legs. "The bruising going away relatively fast now." she thought. "I could hide them with stockings, maybe?"

But the truth was even stockings seemed incredibly silly so close to summer.

"Better than itchy wool dresses." Myrtle murmured. Downstairs, Myrtle could hear things shattering, and the muffled shouts of her parents, music came blasting from her brother's room. Myrtle sighed, "every night this week it's getting worse." she thought. She could imagine her mother tossing glasses, plates, and vases.

Each somehow missing Mr. McKinney, though she shouts it should have hit him. She would toss wine onto the floor, it's all why they traded carpet for wood a year ago.

Her father would remain the Stoic he was and not say a word above a perturbed murmur and eventually, Mrs. McKinney would storm up to stairs and stomp straight to Myrtles' room. Fortunately, this fight had just started and Myrtle still had time to tend to her bruises for a moment more.

Still, the sounds of fighting got louder, and Myrtle could hear the front door slam, feel it shake the walls. 

Myrtle watched her door with wide eyes, "that's new." she thought crawling back into the bed, Her bother's music stopped playing, "Patrick's noticed too." she thought gazing at the closet wall. The lights in Myrtle's room flickered rapidly, almost enough to make her head hurt. She could hear the soft humming of the electricity in the bulbs as if they would burst.

"What's going on?" Myrtle asked herself, her bedroom door opened slightly, and from the crack she could see her mother's face, angry with mascara running down her cheeks. 

Before her mother would utter a word, the door slammed on its own, causing the already furious woman to knock her forehead against it.

"Myrtle Lillianne McKinney!" her mother raged outside the door. Myrtle watched stunned, "what just happened?" she thought, eyes glued to the door as the light continued to go haywire.

Mrs. McKinney jiggled the doorknob and hit her fist against the door. "Open this door up! Your father will hear of this!" She shouted. Myrtle shivered and ran for the door, "it's not me!" she called out, reaching for the doorknob herself, but doing, so spiders covered her hands, each one lightly nipping. 

Myrtle shook them free and scanned her door with frantic eyes. "It's stuck!" Myrtle cried out. "Lair!" Her mother called, "there's no lock on the inside of this door, it's stuck!" she said again. 

The lights stopped flickering and instead hummed louder than before, the light becoming even more blinding by the second, Myrtle yelping as the lampshade burst into flame from the heat. "Oh, shit!" she shouted.

"Oh, shit is right! Do you have any idea how much t-"

"Fire!.... M-Mom!" Myrtle cried out, looking about her room for something to put the fire out.

With nothing looking like a good option, Myrtle opened her window and looked out at the yard below. Her eyes fell on the pale blue water of their raised deck pool. "I could throw it," she muttered, rushing to the lamp, she ripped the plug from the wall and tossed the burning light out towards the pool. It sank with a sizzling splash.

Myrtle exhaled and dropped to the floor.

Everything had fallen silent, and Myrtle could hear her mother's feet heading back downstairs. "You're so fucked." Myrtle thought to herself, "but what could I do? What even was all of that? God, this is mental!" her mind panicked.

Getting to her feet, Myrtle took cautious steps to the door, carefully giving the knob a twist, "it still won't budge." she whispered.

The floor lamp in her room brightened and then dimmed again. Myrtle eyed it, "oh please don't start again." she begged it, hurriedly walking to unplug the light from the wall. "There" she sighed watching the play lay on the flooring. Yet something was off, the room was still bright.

Fear and unease caused Myrtle's gaze to move slowly, she almost didn't want to look. But when she did, she found the lamp was still on, and its light was even brighter than before. Myrtle's hands flew up to her mouth. "I've lost it...or-or I'm dreaming? maybe?" she spoke quietly to herself.

"It's just a different nightmare, it's a normal one instead of the usual one...and I am sleeping... I'll wake up with those sleep scratches I do. Yes. Yes, that's it." Myrtle thought to herself, but it was doing very little to calm her.

Feeling herself on the edge of hyperventilating, Myrtle quickly shut her eyes. "Think of something nice!" she told herself, but as her heart thundered, her mind could only recall the odd events that had just occurred.

"No stupid something nice, something nice!" her mind shouted, "umm...fun times with Robin, summer, shaved ice, terrible horror movies...anything!" 

With a soft whine, the gentle orange glow behind her eyelids faded. 

Myrtle lingered in the new heavy silence with closed eyes. Breathing in something tickled her lungs and made her want to cough. Slowly Myrtle's eyes opened, looking at her feet, she could see the floor of her room.

Something was wrong. Yes, the lights were out but, "why is it so dark?" Myrtle whispered.

Looking around her room she gasped, slowly strafing in a circle, Myrtle looked about in horrified awe. "It looks...like I live in a rotted log." she thought.

Thick familiar vines made mazes along the walls, floors, and furniture. They wiggled about and pulsed, leaving faint squelching sounds. Little whips of snow-like dust gently fell all around her, but they made her nose tingle and lungs burn.

Looking around Myrtle noticed, her room looked different, "Shelob!" she called, rushing to her dresser, her eyes fell on the blank space where a spider tank should have been, and instead there was nothing but a small antique hand mirror.

Myrtle gently picked the item up, holding it lightly in her hands, "I....haven't seen this since my 13th birthday." she murmured. Looking at her reflection in the mirror made her heartache, "mom used to have me hold it for her, while she did my hair in the mornings." Myrtle whispered.

Closing her eyes, she could almost feel the comb sliding through her freshly pressed hair all over again. "Wait..." Myrtle muttered, she could feel it. In the mirror behind her, she saw a comb floating on its own as it moved through her hair. It was hardly comforting and with a strangled yelp Myrtle ran to the window, her wide eyes watching the comb fall to the ground.

Thunder and rumbling sounded in the distance, looking out the open window, Myrtle could see a violently red-hued storm looming over the horizon, some strange black cloud in its center, like a host of twisters. "What dream is this?" Myrtle whispered.

"Not a dream," A voice called, it made Myrtle shiver.

"I've heard you before," she muttered carefully turning around, looking down she spotted a small child - but he had the voice of a grown man.

He looked up at her with clear blue eyes, "who are you?" She asked. 

He tilted his head, "Oh, but you know the answer." he said.

Myrtle frowned, the voice-to-face mismatch was unsettling. "I do not. Are you lost?" She asked him. "I used to be, but not anymore. You are, however." He said to her, carefully backing away. "I will show you the road home."

Taking a step forward, Myrtle watched as the boy allowed himself to be engulfed by the odd vines, "hey wait kid, that doesn't look healthy!" Myrtle called out in panic, but he only chuckled as he vanished. She ran towards the mass of vines and as she touched it, they all flopped to the floor.

The boy was gone.  Myrtle started to choke as the surrounding dust settled in her lungs, nose, and throat. Try as she might, she couldn't catch her breath. Her legs gave way below her. Myrtle grasped at her neck as her vision wavered, and soon darkness took her.

The ground was damp with the morning dew, but the earth was warm, Myrtle groaning softly lifted her head. Leaves and twigs tangled in her hair and a foul taste in her mouth as she spat out dust and ash.

"Where on earth?" she asked, voice hoarse as she propped herself up. Glancing at the surrounding woodlands, she lay there puzzled.

Sitting up made her leg muscles scream, and her arms felt weak, lungs burning as if she'd run a Triathalon. "What happened to me?" she thought, wincing as she looked down at her arm where a shallow gash lingered. Looking carefully, Myrtle spotted a sliver of twig embedded in her skin. "A splinter?" she questioned, finding more of the same on the other arm. 

"It's a bad sign when you wake up in strange places." she sang to herself, gingerly standing on her feet, even that hurt.

"Barefoot," Myrtle thought looking down, "and they look worse than my arms, what the hell...." she exhaled.

"Better just get out of here." Myrtle said, looking around, "only....where is here?" she asked.

Walking about the trees, Myrtle could spot a small structure not far ahead. "Someone built that, so maybe there's someone's house around." Myrtle reasoned with herself, trying to pick up her pace, "at this rate, I'm never going to want to see the woods ever again." she muttered.

Myrtle circled around a very sturdy seeming wooden fort, It held an American flag and many signs. Made from tree branches, twigs, ropes, and scrap wood.

"Friends Welcome, Home of Will the Wise..... Castle Byers." Myrtle read quietly.

"It belongs to the missing kid they found." she thought. Myrtle sighed, "well, I can't go to them for help, they've been through enough without coming across my madness." Myrtle said, quickly heading off in a new direction.

↰ ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ | ᴛᴀʙʟᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛꜱ | ɴᴇxᴛ ↱

[darkmulti]

⚠️ non con!⚠️Can I get Yan!idol!Tae obsessed with the daughter of his MUA(make up artist) and threatens her(the female oc)that he's gonna k word her mother if she didn't run away with him(Tae wants oc so much that he doesn't care even if he loses his career which is being an idol) but the OC didn't agree with him so Tae forcefully impregnate her so she'll be his wife and Tae told OC's mother that OC was Tae's girlfriend (evn tho she's not) he just told that to OC's mother so she'll let the OC to be with Tae since she's pregnant with his baby. >< thankie~~

⚠️: NON CON, YANDERE!TAEHYUNG, FORCED PREGNANCY, VIRGIN!READER

-> sorry for any mistakes

-> sorry for the long wait

You and your mom are very close

Your biological dad left after finding out your mom was pregnant and ever since then, your mom has been a single mom

she worked 3 jobs while she was pregnant with you in order to afford everything after she had you

Your childhood was amazing

full of love and great memories only with your mom

but it was okay because in your eyes, your mom's your hero

once you turned 16, you decided to get a job to help your mother out with the bills

you applied at a grocery store and began working as a cashier

once you started working, you were able to help you mom pay out all the debt she was in

your moms credit became better and she applied to be a makeup artist at bighit since she was studying cosmetology before having you

Fortunately, she got hired after passing several tests to see if she's qualified enough

once your mom started working for bighit, she started making more money and the job had great benefits too

once you turned 18, you were able to get into university with a scholarship

both of you are thriving

This morning, you got up early knowing that your mom has a long day because, "BTS" (the band she's a makeup artist for), are filming a new music video today

you made her a big lunch with lots of snacks since she won't be coming home at regular time

after you finished preparing lunch for her, you went off into your room to get ready for uni

once you finished getting ready, you spot your mom quickly putting on her shoes

"Good morning... You're leaving already?"

"yes, dear. I'm already late. Bye, I love you and have a good day at school."

"Love you too" you said, before going back to your room while she rushes out the door

you went back to doing your hair until you realized that you forgot to give her the lunch you made

your first class started at 10am, so you decided to bus to her work to drop off her lunch since you had time

Once you entered the bighit building, you saw your moms friend sitting at a table, enjoying her breakfast

Maybe you can give it to her and she can give it to your mom

You walked over and her friend immediately smiled and got up to hug you

“Hi, sweetheart! I haven’t seen you in so long. What brings you here?”

“My mom forgot to take her lunch so I brought it for her.”

“Awe, that’s so sweet. Here, I’ll take you to her. She’s just doing the boys makeup.”

You guys went up to the fourth floor where everyone was getting ready

Your mom’s friend got distracted in the hallway by another co-worker so, she gave you directions

You thanked her and left

As you were walking down the hallway you took a quick glimpse at your watch but still managed to run into someone

You backed up and immediately start apologizing, only to realize Kim Taehyung was standing in front of you

You didn’t give a reaction because you didn’t want him to think that you were some crazy fan girl

“Who are you? And what are you doing in this building?”

“My mom works here as a makeup artist. She forgot her lunch at home so I came to drop it off. Could you please direct me in the room she might be in? Her name is M/N.”

“Oh yeah, I know her. Here, I’ll take you to her.”

You followed behind Taehyung but he waited for you to walk beside him

Surprisingly, he started asking you all kinds of questions like, “are you in school?”, “what do you take?”, “How old are you” ect

You happily answered all his questions and in the process, spotted your mom doing someone’s make up

“There she is! Thank you for your help.”

You walked in the room and go over to your mom

“Y/N? What’re you doing here?”

“You forgot your lunch, silly. I mean, it’s kinda my fault because I forgot to tell you before you left. But it’s okay, I just wanted to surprise you.”

Your mom quickly hugged you and took her lunch

“Thank you, my baby. But doesn’t your class start at 10? It’s 9:45 here.”

“Huh? I checked my watch earlier and it read 8:30!”

“Maybe your watch is an hour behind. Even on my phone it reads 9:45.”

“Shit! I’m gonna be late. Okay then, bye mom.”

“Wait! I can drive her.”

Taehyung spoke up and the room went pin drop silent

“Uh, that’s okay. I don’t want to cause you any trouble Mr. Kim.”

“Nonsense. You’re not causing me any trouble. I’ll get you there in time if we leave now.”

You look back at your mom and she gives you a nod in approval

You followed behind Taehyung and he lead you to the garage

You hopped in his car and on the way there, Taehyung starts asking you about your hobbies

Both of you shared a lot of hobbies

It was so easy to talk to him despite him being one of the biggest idols in the world

Once you arrived, he asked for your number so you could talk later

Of course, you gave it to him then thanked him for the ride

Later that night he texted you, wanting to hang out the next day

Of course, you said yes and decided to meet up at a local park

As time went by, you and Taehyung became really close

However, you only liked him as a friend

Some of Taehyung’s odd habits bugged you enough to friendzone him

So when Taehyung asked you to be his girlfriend and you rejected, he was in utter shock

Who in the world would reject him?

He stared at you for a couple of seconds before turning around and leaving you alone

The next week, he didn’t attempt to call you or text you

He just needed time to figure out how to make you his

You on the other hand, felt bad but didn’t message him either

You figured that he needed some time

Two months passed and you still haven’t talked to him

However, your mom would talk about him all the time

She’d complain to you about how moody he’s been

She even told you how he snapped at one of the members for the tiniest thing

You decided to message him knowing that it was kinda your fault for his behaviour

The conversation started off awkward and slow until he invited you to his place to talk in person

You agreed and got ready

You took a taxi to his house and he was waiting for you at the front since it was a gated community

“Hi” you softly said, smiling afterwards

“Hey… let’s go back to the house. It’s cold.”

Once you guys made it to the house, he guided you up the stairs

You were confused but didn’t say anything because maybe he had a living space upstairs

After all, he is a millionaire

However, when he opened the door, the first thing you saw was a bed

You were about to turn around but he blocked the entrance with his body, forcing you to step back into the room

“Taehyung, what’re you doing?”

He didn’t respond, instead he closed the door and locked it

“T- Taehyung, I just remembered my mom asked me to pick some migraine pills up for her. Maybe we can go together?”

You said, looking for an excuse to leave

“If you don’t do what I say, I’ll kill her.”

That definitely caught you off guard

You scrunched your face in confusion and stare at him, thinking that you misheard him

“Huh? Kill? Is that what you said?”

“I’ll kill your mother if you don’t run away with me.” He said, but this time it was loud and clear

You stepped back, appalled by his words

“Are you hearing yourself? You’re threatening to kill someone, Taehyung! Are you insane?”

He didn’t say anything

He kept a straight face and his eyes never left yours, which was freaking you out

You looked away and tried to leave the room but his body was in the way

“C-could you please move? Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”

“You’re incredibly dumb if you think I’m gonna let you leave now.”

He closed and locked the door behind him before cornering you until your back had hit the wall

You tried to make a run for it, but his arm wrapped around your waist and slammed you right back into the wall

“Although, you’re pissing me off with your resistance, I’ll still give you an option. If you do what I say, I’ll leave your mother alone. If you resist, I’ll get your mother fired and evicted. However, if you try to runaway from me, I will go straight to your mother and video myself slitting her throat. Do you understand? I will make you watch the video over and over, so don’t piss me off.”

You were beyond terrified at this point

“Do whatever, just please don’t hurt my mother. Please… She’s worked very hard.”

Taehyung’s lips turned into a sinister smile

“Good girl, I want you to take off all your clothes and lay on the bed.”

He sat down and the chair and watched you undress

You turned around when you were about to take your bra off but he demanded you to face him

You laid down on the king sized bed while he took his belt off

He hovered above you and used his belt to tie your hands together

He unzipped his pants and took his length out.

Taehyung shoved two of his fingers into your mouth and made you suck them before pulling it out and shoving it in you

You moaned and arched your back at the new feeling while he loosened you up

“You’re tight around my fingers. Are you a virgin?”

“Yes, so please be-”

Taehyung didn’t let you finish and shoved his whole length in while you screamed your lungs out

He held onto your neck and started thrusting faster while you cried and begged him to slow down

“Don’t resist, remember, your mom.”

You bit down on your tongue but the tears wouldn’t stop

Taehyung leaned down and began sucking your neck and collarbone, leaving dark marks behind

His hands groped your breast while you struggled to breathe

Time went by and he finally came and collapsed on top of you while you continued crying

You rolled away from him and pulled the sheets over your exposed body

"Don't hide now, I've already seen everything."

he placed himself behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist tightly

You ended up falling asleep in his arms while your mother was at home, worried sick

The next day, Taehyung helped you shower and lent you some of his clothes

You wanted to leave so badly but you were beyond terrified of him and his power

So you obeyed to avoid getting into more trouble

The whole morning you were quiet but you finally spoke up when you realized your phone was missing

While you were eating the pancakes he made, you decided to bring it up

"Taehyung... do you know where my phone went? I should probably call my mom. She's probably worried."

"You're not getting your phone back."

"What? Why not? My mom is-"

"You're not getting your phone back and that's the end of this conversation! We'll drop by your mothers next week."

"Next week? Why next week?"

"Because, I want to see if my theory's correct."

You were beyond confused but didn't say anything after that

The whole week you stayed at Taehyung's house and had endless amounts of sex

He faked being sick, therefore had a week off of work so he could keep an eye on you

After 5 days, you began feeling nauseous and dizzy

You thought it was because of all the emotions you were feeling were making you sick until Taehyung pulled out a pregnancy test and told you to take it

Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach

Not once did it cross your mind that you had unprotected sex with him

You were too busy crying and being afraid of him to realize he was in you raw

Taehyung left the bathroom and you took the test only to see two lines, confirming your pregnancy

You collapsed onto the bathroom floor, bawling your eyes out

Taehyung came back and saw the pregnancy test on the counter

From your reaction, he knew you were pregnant and his plan was a success

He let you take your time but didn't bother to comfort you

After some time, when the sobs became quieter he told you that we could finally go see your mom

Taehyung guided you to the car then started driving to your mom's house

You leaned your head against the window and gather up all your courage to speak to him

"P- please don't tell my mom about this. It'll ruin our whole relationship. I b- beg you."

"She's gonna find out eventually."

"No... I don't want to keep this baby."

You saw Taehyung's grip on the steering wheel tighten

"You don't get to make all the decisions. Don't piss me off, remember what I told you."

You finally pulled up to your mom's place and saw her car parked

Guess she didn't go to work today

You guys made your way to the front door and Taehyung rang the door bell

After 2 minutes of waiting, the door finally creaked open

Your mom looked exhausted

Her eyes were red and her face was pale

However, once she saw you her expression immediately changed

her eyes widened and she embraced you tighter than ever

"Where were you?! Have you lost your mind?! You've been missing for 6 days and I was worried sick. I thought something terrible happened to you! I thought I lost my daughter! You never returned or called or texted! What happened?! Please, don't ever do that again."

She was crying on your shoulder and you too bursted into tears

You apologized but assured her you were safe, as Taehyung's words repeated in your head

Once the emotional reunion was over, you all went inside and sat on the couch

Taehyung sat right beside you and held your hand, showing your mother that something was going on between you two

"Are you guys together now? Is that why you left?"

You were going to answer but Taehyung beat you to it while squeezing your hand

"Well actually, we have big news we'd like to share. I've been with your daughter for three months and we found out a couple days ago that she's pregnant. I want to marry her. I want to love and take care of her for the rest of my life. And our baby, of course. It'd be better if we got married before the baby arrives rather than after because we'll be occupied by the baby and we don't want to wait. Right, sweetheart?"

You and your mother were shocked

He lied to her like it was nothing

Taehyung squeezed your hand hard, making you nod your head and fake smile

"You're pregnant?" your mother got up and hugged you tightly

The exact opposite reaction you were expecting

She pointed to Taehyung and said "You better treat my baby right or else I will make you regret being born."

"Don't worry, I'll love and cherish your daughter for the rest of my life. You have my word."

"Good."

Your mom turned to you again and smiled

"We have to plan your wedding now! Go dress shopping, pick out a theme, find a venue- and the baby! we need to buy the bestest crib and-"

You zoned out and thought about what happened in the last 10 minutes

You now had to marry this man because your mother's life was on the line

Not only that, but you have his baby growing in your womb

While your mom was going crazy about the preparations, in the corner of your eye, you saw Taehyung smirking like a mad man

[poisonmaximoff]

BELATED FATE (Elizabeth Olsen x FemReader).

The whole story: here.

Chapter 1. Something new

Y/n's POV:

I can't believe I'm actually here. Surrounded by such incredibly talented people who inspire me and many others. Angelina Jolie, Orlando Bloom, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Sarah Paulson...they are all here, sitting at their tables and enjoying the ceremony. I already made a small talk with some of them, and now I'm patiently waiting for the announcement of the "Actress of the Year".

«And the Oscar goes to...»

Everyone held their breath in the exciting expectation of the cherished name.

«...Y/n Y/ln!»

The audience burst into applause, I get up to give my thank-you speech and...

«Y/N! How much longer will it take me to finally wake you up?» My mom said entering my room without knocking. Here we go again. Welcome to the real world where I'm not even an actress and the closest I've come to being one was pretending to be sick so I could skip the school. And I still do that to skip work, because it's an incredibly boring pastime.

My parents are a rare example of people who manage to combine family life with a career and achieve success in both areas. Although they couldn't spend a lot of time with me and my little brother every day, they still constantly tried to give us everything we needed. Therefore, in my position it's a sin to complain about something.

They gave me this job so that I could develop and build a career in business and investment. They didn't care at all that I always had problems with all this numbers and communicating with people, but I wanted an independent life, so I agreed to work in their company. All I have to do is sort through papers and fill out different tables, sometimes go to business meetings with my parents and Mr. & Mrs. Olsen. They founded LinCorp along with my parents, so our families are closely connected.

Everyone thinks that my life is perfect, not even suspecting that I have no idea what I'm doing with it and what I plan to do in the future. I mean, doing almost nothing and getting paid for it surely sounds amazing, but my days merge into one long groundhog day and time flies so imperceptibly that I'm afraid to wake up one day being old and realize that I don't remember anything significant from my life. I just feel like an inferior person who can't find their place in this life and it scares me.

"You've got to be kidding me, Y/n. Get up right now, otherwise we'll be late for the meeting, you know how important this is." My mother said as she walked over to my bed and pulled off my blanket.

"Mom! You didn't even give me five minutes to fully wake up!" I grunted and slowly got out of bed pulling my bathrobe over my pajamas.

"You've been sleeping for ten hours, honey. And wipe the pout off your face, you're not a kid anymore. C'mon, get changed into proper clothes and come downstairs, breakfast is already on the table."

My stomach rumbled at the thought of my favorite pancakes with strawberry jam and freshly squeezed peach juice. Mom's food is one of the few things I've really missed since I started living apart from my parents at the age of 20. I remember how happy I was with my newfound independence that in the first week I decided to eat exclusively takeaway food, washing it down with cola or beer. No wonder that soon I ended up in the hospital with gastritis and my mother lecturing me. That's why she didn't want me to live separately and since that day constantly checked up on me, not allowing me to be more substantive.

My parents rarely left me and my younger brother unsupervised at all, and even when I turned 21, they didn't stop seeing me as a helpless child. But as soon as it comes to work, they immediately consider me a responsible serious adult. I have no idea how they don't notice my laziness at work. Maybe they're just pretending not to see it though.

I came to visit them for a few days, so now every damn morning I have to deal with getting up at eight o'clock. Disgusting. Eventually I finished my morning routine and picked up my new dress, which I bought especially for today. Although I'm not a fan of this kind of dresses, because they are too formal for me, but this one outlined my figure very well, so I was satisfied with my current look. I put on some makeup, put my hair in a neat bun and joined my parents who were already waiting for me in the car.

"Can you please remind me what's the topic of the meeting and who will be there?" I ask, meeting my father's slightly disappointed gaze. "I'm sorry, it's just that my head is full of a lot of things right now" I add.

"It's an unscheduled board of directors. There are some difficulties in the company, so it was decided to gather all the shareholders and discuss our further plans. In addition to Mr. and Mrs. Olsen, their eldest daughter Elizabeth and her brother Trent will be there. The Holbrook family will also be present." My dad explains to me in calm tone.

I remember the first time I saw all of them. It was almost two and a half years ago at some charity event. I was about to join LinCorp, so visiting it was an essential condition. My parents had to introduce me to all the partners and their families.

I had never been to this kind of events before, so I didn't know what to expect from it. Therefore, I prepared very carefully for this day, because I didn't want to embarrass my parents and myself. I had to learn all the rules of etiquette and run around the shops for two days in search of a suitable dress. To be honest, it exhausted me more than the evening itself.

Entering the huge bright hall, where most of the guests had already gathered, I felt the smell of delicious food and drinks mixed with expensive perfumes. I tried to put my slight anxiety aside, and headed with my parents to a small group of people. The first thing I noticed were three girls, whose faces were almost identical. One of them was taller than the other two, who I assumed were twins, and was talking to some blond guy. To be honest, her beauty and the way she held herself with people definitely instantly impressed me.

Probably sensing my gaze on her, she looked at me curiously with her emerald eyes and smirked lightly. My heart skipped a couple of beats, but I still decided to go up to them and introduce myself.

During our conversation, I learned that this woman's name is Elizabeth and she is in charge of public relations in our company. She generously agreed to introduce me to the rest of the guests, as she knew absolutely everyone here.

I noticed that when I was talking to someone, she often cast curious glances towards me, which couldn't leave me indifferent. I wanted to get to know her better. Just as we were left alone and I was about to start a casual conversation with her, someone's hand fell on my waist.

"You must be Y/n, right?" Tall blonde girl with not very long hair and bright blue eyes asked me. "Yes, nice to meet you..." I left the end of the sentence hanging in the air for her to tell me her name. "Taylor. Nice to meet you too, shall we dance? It's my favorite song!" I noticed that she was a bit tipsy, but couldn't say no, since I'm just not used to turn people down. As I turn my head towards Elizabeth to apologize, I notice that she shifts awkwardly from one foot to the other and then says: "Okay, have fun girls. I'll be with my family, if you need me", then cracks a small smile and walks away.

From that day on, I no longer had the opportunity to start any small conversation with her. Usually, every time we met, we just greeted each other and exchanged couple of neutral or business related phrases. I already was in relationship with Taylor (yes, that girl from the charity event) and was more than happy to have her in my life, so my fleeting interest in Elizabeth has long been forgotten. The only people I met at that day, who I kept in touch with, were Mary-Kate and Ashley.

"What about the twins? I actually like them more than the others" I ask, remembering all our little adventures together, which our parents don't even know about, and hopefully never will.

"They decided to take their share from the company and start designing clothes, so they will no longer be at meetings." Hearing that gave me mixed emotions, because it meant that now I'd see them less often, but I was glad that they had found their vocation in this life. I nodded and we spent the rest of the way in silence.

I have this overwhelming need to dive into my thoughts and analyze my past every time I experience even the slightest discomfort. And now it's exactly what's going to happen, because I get a bit nervous before such kind of meetings.

Every time I start to think about mistakes I made my mind drifts to one specific person that used to be an important part of my life. My ex who I broke up with three months ago. Not that she did something terrible, I just couldn't stay in secret relationship with her anymore and keep pretending that it doesn't hurt me. I knew that she truly loved me and she was my first love as well. These two years I spent with her were both the best and worst time of my life, constant emotional rollercoasters exhausted me, but I couldn't let her go, because sincerely believed that she's my fate. Maybe I'm just not mature enough for any kind of relationship and it had nothing to do with my partner's behavior. I was too selfish, clingy, hungry for attention and...

"Earth to Y/n, we're here already, come on." Dad's voice interrupted my guilt trip and I couldn't be more thankful.

Ten minutes later we were already ascending in a large glass elevator to the 30th floor. My parents are talking about boring business related stuff , and I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do after that meeting. The elevator stopped at the 12th floor and I saw a blonde woman wearing an expensive black suit and Jimmy Choo heels approaching the door. As soon as it opened, the woman smiled broadly at my parents and entered the elevator.

"Hi, Mr. Y/ln and Mrs. Y/ln, I'm so glad to see you again, it's been a while. You both look gorgeous." She said in a slightly raspy voice. Of course, I immediately recognized Elizabeth, even though she did bangs and changed her style of clothing a bit since the last time I saw her. The new image actually suits her very well, now she looks even more powerful.

"Good morning, Elizabeth. Darling, you look absolutely amazing! Your mother told me you visited France recently, did you like it there? And what is that gorgeous ring on your finger, did Boyd finally decide to propose?" my mom asked with a genuine curiosity. Oh. I didn't even notice that ring. Well, no wonder the woman like her isn't single.

"France is incredibly beautiful and charming, I definitely want to return there one day. I think I fell in love with their desserts. And yeah, we decided to get married." She says the last part quickly and a bit dryly that doesn't go unnoticed by me and turns her head in my direction, staring at me with her big green eyes. "Hi, Y/n." Elizabeth smiles at me and I greet her back a little shyly, surprised at my sudden modesty.

When we arrived at our floor, my father's assistant met us and took us to the conference room, where everyone had already gathered. I took a seat to the left of my mom and next to Elizabeth, out of the corner of my eye seeing a tall blonde man greet her and kiss her on the cheek. Yes, it's Boyd. "Such a weird name, but whatever" I thought to myself, and then I heard my father's voice announcing the beginning of the meeting.

It's been almost an hour. I got lost in my thoughts five minutes after the start, occasionally glancing at the people in the room and fixing my gaze on the woman to my right as she talked about possible solutions to problems. When she stopped talking, I went back to whatever was going on inside my head, but soon my attention was drawn to the raised voices of my parents.

"We can't cut or withhold workers wages because we screwed up on the last project! People have always been more important to Lincorp than money and we cannot let down our loyal employees. It's not even up for discussion." My father said, gradually losing his temper. I don't understand much about business, but I know that now he's right and I'm always ready to support him.

"It's our only option, Derek. If we don't cut our costs, it could lead the company to collapse." Said tall, dark-haired man of strong build, who I assume is Mr. Holdbrook, Boyd's father. His family also supported his position, leaving the final decision for Olsens to make.

I took a quick glance at Elizabeth and noticed her strange expression. Obviously she was a little upset and taken aback by her fiance's position, so I could only hope that her family would support ours. Suddenly her eyes meet mine and I see a mixture of doubt and confusion in them. She gives me a small nervous smile and returns her attention to the discussion.

I didn't expect that all of this would actually make me worry, but here's how it turned out. Suddenly I start to feel overwhelmed, my breathing starts to hitch, and my hands shake a little because of surging emotions and a strong sense of responsibility.

I quickly excuse myself and go to the hallway to calm down a little. Thoughts that I'm doing something I barely understand just to avoid disappointing my parents quickly fill my head. It only makes me more nervous and I mindlessly start walking along the corridor, barely paying attention to everything around me, thinking about a difficult decision that our company will have to make, until someone's hand touches my shoulder. I immediately stop moving and turn around to see whoever was following me.

"Harsh realities of the business world, huh?" Elizabeth's voice fills my ears. I look up at her and she gives me a little sympathetic smile.

"I just feel out of place almost every time I come here. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to this company and our parents for a good job and great career opportunities, but I just...sometimes I feel useless for Lincorp." I mutter under my breath, not fully realizing that I'm pouring my soul out to an almost unknown person, whom I've seen several times in my life.

"Hey, hey, Y/n, look at me please. I totally understand how you feel, sometimes I have a similar feeling that I'm not doing enough for the company, you know. And it's not actually my thing at all." She says sincerely trying to calm me down.

To be honest, I didn't expect to have that kind of conversation with her because, you know...she is kind of perfect daughter and an employee. She always seems to know what exactly she's doing. Confident posture and speech, the ability to find a common language with people, excellent ideas...all of this creates the image of a born business lady for her.

But seeing her today's look during the meeting makes me realize that she is probably not at all what she seems. And I definitely have to get to know her better.

[n1k1tty]

kiss me ! part 1

jake was definitely head over heals for your cold personality, and he wasn't going to let anyone take you. but heres the problem: he couldn't find a single way to keep a conversation with you. despite your scary demeanour, jake decides to man up and does everything out of his will to get you.

fluff, jake x reader, (not proofread)

jake was frustrated to know that many guys have been after you the second you stepped in that classroom doing the bare minimum.

hearing ‘wanna grab lunch with me?’ here and there somehow always made him ball his fist to prevent himself from being a problem. yet again he couldn’t blame other people for wanting to ask you out either. he even sometimes wished that you had rejected him so he could move on. although of course he didn’t really mean that.

because now he was wandering around the school looking for you while he was on a “bathroom break” during his soccer practice. he knew you always liked to stay at the school rooftops admiring the view while listening to music. not like he was stalking you or anything...

you turn your head to look at the person at the door "you again? when are you going to leave me alone? pervert" you scoff, kicking the little pieces of rocks as you avoid jakes eyes. it was almost the millionth time you've seen jake this day, and it was always for the same reason, to piss you off, well more like ask you out --which still pisses you off.

you weren't one to believe in love, or maybe just not yet. because you weren't even sure if you were capable enough to love someone. even the thought of having to be so sweet and touchy with each other grossed you out, and of all people, jake especially knew that. so why was he so determined to get you to fall in love with him?

you weren't one to believe in love, or maybe just not yet. because you weren't even sure if you were capable enough to love someone. even the thought of having to be so sweet and touchy with each other grossed you out, and of all people, jake especially knew that. so why was he so determined to get you to fall in love with him?

"hmmm maybe never?" jake chuckles at the sight of you rolling your eyes "then i'll move schools --countries if that's what takes for you to leave me alone" as you turn around and face him, eyes widened at the thin space between the both of you "and maybe i'll find you"

you raise your eyebrows "well that's borderline criminal act" you wander off "now sim jaeyun i think it's best for you to leave before you add up to my anger --i mean you already are. but wouldn't that be horrible?" jake's eyes follow you as you drag your feet "not really" he states "you're hot when you're mad"

you scoff out of disbelief, hitting him hard on his arm, looking away almost immediately as you trying to hide your heated face "shut up before i'll push you off this building" letting go of the grip you once had on his collar, "alright, alright sorry ma'am. but if you're really mad for whatever reason, come with me. i'll take you to a place" he suggests, offering his hand for you to take "you should be happy. i normally wouldn't even consider letting anyone know about my spot" he shoots you a grin

you take time trying to consider his offer, but as much as you don't want to stroke his ego about convincing you to go with him, you really needed something to release your anger "as long as you shut up about this" you give him a side glance "no promises" he sends a wink your way "ugh, fine"

he gently takes your hand as he drags you out of the school "can you jump over the wall?" jake looks at your flustered face "....no..?" you answer, making a line with your lips, causing him to let out a small chuckle "okay cutie, i'll help you up" you cringe at the nickname "call me that again and i'll break your neck" you step on his knee as he tries to boost you up "yeah that's right, keep going"

but as jake looks up he couldn't help but feel flustered, looking away "i made it!" you pant, hands resting on your knees as you wait for jake to come up as well. but after a few seconds of not hearing him, you call out his name, peaking your head over the wall "jake? i swear to god if you leave me out here i'm killing you"

"n-no i didn't leave you" he stutters, trying to collect himself from being a flustered mess "then come up here! the sun is setting, you wouldn't want to miss it"

"y-yeah it's just that i uh, i saw.....your....you know?" he explains, his hands not knowing what to do "you saw my what!?" you shrieked "no no it's okay i looked away!" he reassures you "ugh, just- just come up here!" you yell, already walking ahead as you try to cool down your heating face "so pink aye?" jake jokes, catching up to you

"SIM JAEYUN!" you yell, kicking him on his ass "ow! okay sorry!"

jake was resting his head on his hands, watching as you play with the small puddle while watching the sunset, not even an hour in, jake panics as he sees the amount of missed calls from riki "oh shit! my soccer practice!"

--

the following days after that, almost everything remained the same, jake continuously teasing and flirting with you, you getting in trouble for the littlest things, never coming home until the latest of the hour. but yet again, almost everything remained the same

you were now in denial of your feelings towards sim jaeyun. it would hurt too much of your pride to actually admit it, because after all, you've always told sim jaeyun you hated him.

you groan "jake, there's a reason why i'm failing english, okay? just accept the fact that i'm the worst" you bury your head on the pages of your book, seated across jake at the back of the library "i didn't even ask for you to help me! i simply just asked for your notes that just happened to have a first grader's hand writing" he scoffs, a little taken back by your sudden insult on his hand writing "thanks? i know you didn't ask for help, i just wanted to do this with you so that you don't get detention for not knowing proper english" he explains, handing you another sheet of paper with an 54 circled on the right corner "seriously y/n? 54? come on, one last set of questions and i'll take you to the new cafe just across the street"

and almost immediately, you bring your head up, grabbing the pen and taking the set of questions. making jake giggle "y/n, just say that you like me, you know i'm not going to reject you-- ow!" you smack him on the head with the pencil "that's absolute nonsense!" you whisper with a harsh voice, digging your face on the note book as you try to cover the little smile you had on your face

i think it was safe to say you got 4 out of 10 right, causing you to almost have a mental breakdown at the library "i can't do this sim" you groan "i think you just need a break yeah? wanna head to the cafe?" jake stands up to pack your stuff, giggling at the sight of your head still buried in between the pages of the book "c'mon y/n" he kneels beside you "get up, let's go to that cafe"

you've never felt your pride hurt as much as this did, having to show jake how bad your were at english, him having to tutor you without you asking for help, and jake bringing you to the cafe even though you weren't even remotely close to getting at least 6 right

and you weren't exaggerating when when you say jake had to drag you all the way to the cafe "hi! what can i get for you today sir?" the girl says, the obvious heart eyes she has for him pissing you off even more "hi yeah i'd like to have a caramel machiatto" he responds politely, smiling at the obvious glare you held at the girl, poking out your tongue after she was called by the manager, an old lady replaces her "anything else for your girlfriend--" before you could correct her, jake immediately speaks up "she'll have (drink)"

he smiles at the old lady before paying "i'm sending you money later whether you like it or not" you roll your eyes "and i'll send it back" he holds your waist as he leads you to a table, causing your heart to beat 10 times faster "yeah? well i'll send it back to you again! i'll keep doing it until you die!" he scoffs at you "as if!"

--

even after multiple attempts of trying to make jake ask you out, the boy who you thought was so smart couldn't take a single hint at all.

but in jake's defence, you were a little bad, considering how bad you were with boys, he vividly remembers that one time when you were trying so hard to make him jealous by talking to other guys. he even laughed as you struggled to keep up with a conversation.

or that other time when you tried to hold his hand just to do something romantic just for once but ended up letting go because he wouldn't stop teasing you about it. he still took your hand, yet he never asked you out still.

"you okay darling?" your mother asks, taking a quick glance at your droopy form leaning on the counter as you wait for her to finish cooking "is it a boy?" she teases, making you perk your head up "i knew it!" she gives you an endearing smile as she gives you a plate with eggs on it, a heart shaped ketchup placed on the top of the egg "mom!" you whine

"okay fine, it is a boy. but don't tell dad" you whisper, smiling once she zips her lips "what's his name?" she asked, tilting her head as she leans on the counter in front of you "jake"

"jake?! i love jake! you should invite him over sometime" she squeals "he's a nice guy, i'm sure he wouldn't hurt you, so what's bothering you?" you sigh, taking a sip of the water "he likes me, it's like the whole world knows. but he just keeps on flirting with me and never actually tries to ask me out" you pout, aggressively taking a bit of the scrambled eggs, making your mother chuckle "oh baby, i'm sure it'll happen soon. just give him some time! unless if you're that impatient, then maybe you should try considering to be the one who makes the first move" she walks away, heading upstairs

no, as much as you hate it, that would hurt too much of your pride. so you decided to wait.

--

summer just had started and you couldn't even explain how much you hated the heat. staying under the shade 70% of the time whenever you went out with jake and his friends "guys! i have an announcement" jay yells, you were currently over at jay's house, just having a little party with just the 8 of you "my father booked us a trip to hawaii"

"WHAT?!"

part 2

— HEY 👵🏽 so i decided that this would be a multiple part story bcs i didnt want it to be too long!

i haven’t written the second part yet, but hopefully i’d have it done before tuesday

feel free to ask if you want to be tagged once the second chapter is out!

this has been n1k1tty! see ya!

[rendevousz]

mum?

mother figure!nat x fem!teen!reader

avengers x reader

req by @teenwonder ; i absolutely love the entire teams adoration for reader skfksngnsf its so cute! could i please request one a little more nat based? maybe r treats and loves nat like a mom but nat hadn’t noticed that before, and the whole team is like listing examples of how and why 🥺🥺🥺

summary: the four times you needed nat and the one time she admits that she needed you too.

warnings: blood, a random attack out of nowhere because i'm not creative, inaccurate writing of medical situations because i have no idea how those things work, also let's just pretend bruce was around during iron man 2 when tony still had palladium in his arc reactor, also inaccurate descriptions of palladium effects bcs i just...don't know much about palladium pls forgive me thanks, and idk any hospitals in new york/manhattan or even the states LMAO so uh bear with this, and last but not least, my inability to write good endings

word count: 5426

notes: that's a long ass warning nevertheless pls do enjoy this fic <3

"i'm going now, bye!" you bid the team who were having breakfast together, walking out of the common area.

"bye, cupcake! don't get into trouble, don't do what i'd do and definitely don't do what i wouldn't do." tony advised and you rolled your eyes because tony says that to you every morning before you leave for school.

"wait, don't forget your lunch!" nat stands up from her seat and grabs your lunch that she had packed, from the kitchen island, bringing it over to you. "thanks, nat!" you grabbed it, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before leaving.

nat smiles at the action, turning around to walk back to her spot on the table, only to find the team staring back at her with knowing looks.

"what?"

"you know, you only need to sign a couple papers and the kid's all yours." tony states matter-of-factly. nat snaps her head towards the man, an incredulous look on her face. "what are you talking about?"

"we all see the longing looks on both your faces. she's dying for you to call her your daughter and you, her mother." clint explains and the others nodded in agreement.

"that's nonsense. she has wanda too," nat reasons, sitting back down. "i'm pretty sure she sees wanda as a sister considering how much she drags wanda with her whenever she's causing trouble around the tower." steve raises his brows at the redhead who was in denial.

"she sees you as her mother, nat. just accept it," wanda tells her, taking a sip from her glass. "really? name me one time she showed it." nat challenges them, not knowing that they've been watching your interactions with her for the longest time.

"you have no idea what you just got yourself into, romanoff," clint chuckles, cracking his neck and knuckles as if preparing for a fight.

"remember new mexico?" he smirks and nat only frowns, trying to remember.

i.

"no!" you screamed, dropping down to the ground. you didn't care that you scraped your knees doing that, the only thing that mattered was the overwhelming feeling of grief engulfing your whole being. tears streamed down your face as you looked at the debris on the ground, the remainder of what used to be standing in front of you; a building. blown up, now in ruins.

clint, bucky and steve watched you break down in front of them, their hearts breaking at the sight in front of them as well as the fact that their teammate had been caught up in the middle of the explosion.

"y/n/n? come on, tony's team called for back up. we gotta go," steve tried to get you to stand up, failing when you kept your ground. you screamed when he tried again and their hearts clenched at the heartbreaking sound.

"we can't just leave her! please, we have to find her," you cried, clinging onto steve's body as he ran his hand up and down your suit-cladded back to soothe you. "y/n/n, we can't. the whole place is in ruins now," he didn't want to say it but he had to. he had to in order to get you to leave. "she's gone."

"she can't be gone! she can't just leave us! we need her! i need her, stevie.." you cried into his chest and he had to control himself so he didn't cry right then and there too.

he looked up to see bucky looking at the two of you guiltily, tapping his wrist to indicate that they were running out of time. steve had no choice but to carry you in his arms, getting you to leave the site against your will. but you were too weak to fight back now. "what am i gonna do without her now, stevie?" you asked quietly.

"we're gonna be okay, y/n/n," he tells you, sitting you down on a chair and settling down next to you as clint flew the jet to your next location. the atmosphere was tense and you could tell everyone, too, was sad about this.

"what if we're not? what if we're not gonna be okay, stevie? i know i won't be." you wiped the tears streaming down your face despite the fact that your face still wasn't drying up any time soon.

"because nat wouldn't want to see us like this. she'll be angry if she sees that we're risking people's lives just because of her." he says truthfully.

"we're landing, guys." clint announces and the team prepared for another round of fighting. steve turns to you, wiping the tears on your face as he made you look up at him. "now let's save some people and make nat proud, yeah?"

you nod at him sadly, preparing your weapons. all of you got out the jet and the second battle of the day begun. boy, were these people unlucky because they were on the receiving end of your fury.

you were busy taking down a group of guards alone when you heard a familiar voice. "y/n, behind you!" and you turned just in time to take down a guard who was aiming at you.

you didn't even have time to register your shock of seeing the redhead because more guards came at you two. you guys fought alongside each other until all the men were taken down.

"nat?" you breathed out. "yes, bub?" she answers as you both carefully walked over the knocked out men. she was taken aback when you slammed into her, hugging her the tightest you ever did since you met her.

"please don't ever do that again." you mumbled into her chest. she was about to ask you what you meant when she heard you sniffling. figuring out it wasn't the appropriate moment to ask, she continued to just hug and comfort you in silence.

"wait, that was why she cried that day? because she thought i was in that building when it blew up?" nat asks after steve finished the story. "i never found out why because she never told me."

"yeah, you should've seen her when the building exploded. completely shattered my heart, dude." clint states, remembering the broken down state you were in that day.

"wait, did you guys not grief over my supposed death then?" nat glares at clint, bucky and steve. "in our defense, they were about to blow up about a hundred people, we didn't have much time to process the whole situation." clint tries to convince his best friend, only to receive a glare again from her.

"alright but just because she cried when she thought i was dead, doesn't mean she sees me as her mum. i'd cry too if any one of you guys died," she states, still in denial.

she did love you like how a mother would love her child. but she didn't want you to feel that she was forcing the title onto you. after all, you had so many other adults around you, who's to say that you saw someone else as a parent figure instead of her? she didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

"woman, are you serious?" sam exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically. "need i remind you that the girl sacrificed her life for you?"

ii.

"nat, watch out!" you stood right behind her where the man was about to attack her. you gave him a harsh kick to the head and that was all it took for the man to go unconscious.

the redhead turned around, not having enough time to comprehend what had happened before you dropped into her arms. you two were lucky the last of the men had already been taken out.

"bub? what's wrong?"

at this point, you were fully leaning against her. she was holding up your whole weight, hands wrapped around your middle to support you. that was when she felt it. the familiar thick substance on her fingers, leaking from the back of your suit.

her eyes widened, pulling one hand away from you to look at it. red. her breathing picked up as one of her hands felt around your back, finally feeling the handle of a knife sticking out from your back.

your eyes were already drooping by now and she lightly shook you awake, careful to not hurt you. she lowered you down and you were both sat on the floor now.

she presses a finger to her ear and you could hear her voice echo in your ear from your own comms. "can someone come please," she paused, exhaling shakily. "y/n's down."

if it had been any other person, she probably would be bringing them to the jet by now but it was you. she didn't know what came over her but when she saw that you were injured, it was like her whole body shut down. her knees felt weak and she couldn't bring herself to move.

"hey, hey, keep your eyes open. can you do that?" she asked gently and you nodded weakly. "bub, why did you do that?" she cried softly, moving your hair away from your face as you leaned sideways against her. the action caused your face to be smudged by your own blood from her hands but she didn't care as she caressed your cheek.

"he–he was gonna hurt you. i–i couldn't..." you paused a while, the pain getting too much for you to bear. "y/n, don't strain yourself. you need to stay awake," she tells you as tears streamed down her face.

"rather me than you," you whispered. nat's eyes widened at this. "don't say that, bub." she scolds gently.

you smiled weakly at her. "i've grown too dependent on you, nat. it's to the point that i," you coughed and nat worried that you were straining yourself but you continued. "that i'd rather die than live without you. you probably can go on with life without me but i can't without you. i need you, nat." your eyes closed and nat panics, shaking your body.

"y/n?! bub?! stay awake, please, they're coming!" nat cries out loud, holding onto your limp body.

"did we not agree to not mention that to me anymore?" nat glares at sam for bringing that up.

the night of that incident had been one of the worst nights for nat. she sat by your bed all night after you had been treated. she had been the first one you saw after you woke up. she had been the one you broke down in front of after you admitted the full reasoning behind your actions. she had been the one who opened her arms for you to make yourself at home in.

"i'm sorry but you must be blind if you can't see how really she sees you for the past years," bucky states. nat turns to him with a glare. "you don't know what you're talking about."

"oh really? who does she call whenever she has a really bad nightmare?" bucky questions rhetorically with his eyebrows raised.

iii.

"no, please, don't!" you begged, asleep and thrashing around in your bed. quiet whimpers turned into heavy breathing as you plead for your life in your nightmare. "please," you whispered, inhaling and exhaling harshly.

FRIDAY, noticing the amount of distress you were in, alerted the closest person to your room, that being bucky who was returning from a late night trip to the kitchen for some water.

he quickly went into your room, only to see you shivering and thrashing around in your bed. "doll?" he approaches slowly, finding you still asleep, though sweating a lot. nightmare, he realised.

"doll? wake up," he gently shakes you and you immediately jolt awake, breathing heavily as you register what was going on. "it's okay, it was just a nightmare," he soothes you, holding you close as one hand rubbed up and down your back while the other held your head to his chest.

none of that helped as you were still in the same state as you were when you woke up. "are you okay?" he asks, worried. "nat... i need nat.. please i need her," you whimpered, shaking in his hold. you were having trouble breathing.

"FRIDAY, get romanoff."

within minutes, nat arrived, looking panicked and disheveled like she had just woken up, which she just did. "what's wrong?" she asks bucky, approaching you two.

"she was having a nightmare and woke up and i think she's having a panic attack. she asked for you," he informs her and immediately moves away when she approaches, so that she could take his place.

"bub? it's me," you look up to meet natasha's pretty green eyes. "you're okay, bub. can you tell me five thing you can see?"

you looked away from her eyes, looking around your room. "i–i see my book on my nightstand, my lamp, my jacket on the chair, my laptop and the painting on the wall." you told her after some difficulties.

"good, that's good. four things you can feel?"

"i feel the socks on my feet, my fluffy blanket, the pillow i'm leaning on and your hands around me."

she smiles softly at you. "three things you can hear?"

"i hear your voice. a–and the faint noise from the ac and i can also hear bucky's breathing." you look up at the man and he smiles sheepishly at you, standing around awkwardly. you gave him a small smile back.

"two things you can smell?"

"i can smell my own shampoo..and my room's air freshener." you told her more calmly now, feeling the panic attack already going away.

"one thing you want to taste?"

"i wanna taste wanda's blueberry pancakes." you pout and the two adults couldn't help but chuckle. "you can have them in the morning. right now you need to sleep so you can have the energy to devour them tomorrow, okay?" you nod at the woman as she tucks you in.

not long after, you fell asleep. she then presses a kiss to your forehead before leaving with a less worried bucky now. and sure enough, the next morning, wanda made you blueberry pancakes.

"okay, so what? we all need someone to help us through panic attacks?" nat rolls her eyes. "did you miss the part where i came in and tried to help but she specifically asked for you? she needed you, nat."

"guys, i... i love her with my whole heart but she has all of us. i don't wanna make her feel like she's restricted to only one of us. you all love her too," nat reasons.

"yes but she doesn't have anyone to call her mum and frankly, i think you'd be perfect for it." wanda encourages the older woman.

"i—" before she could continue, her phone rang loudly and she thanked whoever it was that called her because now she didn't have to make up excuses about her doubt of becoming your official mother.

iv.

she looks down at the caller id, sighing when it was you, meaning the team had more against her now. of course she didn't mind you calling her, you could call her when she'd be asleep after a mission and she'd still pick up with a smile on her face. but it was the fact that the whole team could see how she softened when she realised it was you who called that bothered her. she really didn't want them to let her have hopes that you'd accept her as your mother.

"bub?" she said into the phone and half the team smirked at her while the other half gave her knowing smiles. "aren't you supposed to be on your way to school?"

"yeah but uh are you busy right now? i um, i need you."

nat immediately stands up, worry etched onto her face and the team frowned at this. "what happened? are you okay?"

"you know how i told happy i wanted to walk to school today? yeah, i just remembered why i don't walk to school anymore."

"what do you mean? what happened? are you hurt? did someone hurt you?" she bombards you with questions out of worry. at this point, the team had also stopped their chatter and teasing looks, equally worried for your well-being.

"yeah, i am. wait, maybe not. i mean, i was just being dramatic but uh, i tripped on who-knows-what and now i have a sprained ankle. i can't walk now so i'm standing in an alley right now so i'm not in the way of people. can you come get me?"

nat sighs in relief, thankful that it wasn't anything that she was thinking of. "you are unbelievable, y/n." she chuckles in disbelief at your clumsiness. "can you tell me where you are? i'll come get you now. i'll have the school know you're not coming today." you told her your location and she immediately leaves after telling the team what happened to you.

you were expecting nat to call again, to tell you she was around the corner but instead you heard a whoosh of air beside your head, followed by a crack sound. your head followed the sound, eyes widening when you saw that a dart had struck the wall beside your head. you looked ahead, trying to see where that came from.

if it hadn't been for your fast reflexes being an avenger for the past few years, you probably wouldn't have ducked in time when another dart came flying right for your head. "what the hell?" you grunted, staying low but still looking around for the source. you squinted when you looked up, the sun blazing but you managed to catch a glimpse of a man on a rooftop nearby. he had blonde hair and was dressed in all black, donning a same coloured mask that covered the bottom half of his face.

"you had one job! how could you miss her twice?!" the blonde hears his colleague hiss in his ear through the earpiece. "i'm sorry! i'm no hawkeye, how was i supposed to get her in one try?!" he scolds back.

"you didn't even get her in two!"

"shut up and just let me work! you're distracting me!"

"hurry because i see the redheaded one nearing the alley. boss'll kill us if he finds out we didn't get her in her vulnerable state."

"i'm trying, i'm trying!" the blonde closes one eye, his sight now locked on your crouched state. he saw you move once you saw him and he cursed under his breath, his weapon following your movements. "she's moving!"

"just take the shot and be done with it! you have to go now!"

and shoot he did. after he shot the dart gun, he immediately fled but it wasn't like you were going to be able to chase him down or anything. a scream left your lips as a dart pierced through your skin, right under your shoulder.

you dropped down to the ground, right in the middle of the alleyway. you cried when you felt the burn in your flesh. you had been stabbed multiple times before with much bigger objects so why did this feel different?

"y/n?! is that you?!" you heard nat's voice yell from a small distance away. "i'm here," you croaked out, feeling your body grow weaker at an alarming rate.

"oh my god, bub, why are you on the ground? it's dirty, c'mon let's get you up. which foot did you sprain?" she places both her hands under your arms, pulling you up on your feet before accidentally dropping you back when you let out a shriek, crying out in pain.

"oh my god, did i hit your ankle? are you okay?" nat assumed that your tear-stained face was because of your sprained ankle but then you wheezed, your eyes drooping the longer she stood there.

your right hand slowly reached across your left shoulder, the butt of the dart sticking out of your skin now in between your shaking fingers. nat's eyes followed your hand movement's, a gasp leaving her lips.

"y/n, what happened?!" she panicked but before she could even get an answer from you, you had already blacked out. her eyes widened, knowing it was the dart because why else would you pass out that quick from a simple penetration in the shoulder. you had dealt with much worse than that and she knew your tolerance level.

she took off your bag, careful to not move the dart. she then placed her hands under your knees and behind your back, easily picking your unconscious body up and rushing back to the tower.

when she arrived, she was met with many confused yet concerned looks from the tower staff, seeing the black widow, rushing in with the youngest avenger unconscious in her arms. they had seen you leave the tower for school about half an hour ago so they knew something must've happened on the way.

"get bruce in the hospital wing. tell him it's urgent." she tells the woman working the front desk, hurrying into the elevator and telling FRIDAY to get her to the floor she so desperately wanted to arrive at quicker. black lines appeared on the left side of your neck, slowly spreading to the right side and she assumed it was from that damned dart in your left shoulder.

"natasha! what's wrong? they said it was an emergency," the doctor spoke in a panicked voice when nat entered, immediately going quiet when he saw you in her arms, neck lined with seemingly black veins.

nat laid you down on the surgery table, frown growing when black lines steadily spread to your arms now. though she was too worried to think, she managed to at least tell bruce what was outwardly wrong with you.

"dart. left shoulder." she blurted, incapable of forming proper sentences now that she had seen more of you. the black lining your skin got her speechless and anxious. bruce got ready with medical gloves, removing the dart from your flesh before analysing the pattern of your skin. it looked familiar.

"FRIDAY, get tony down here. it's urgent."

"bruce, please, what's wrong with her?" she cried, tears now freely streaming down her face. she didn't cry much in front of anyone but when it came to you, you always managed to get her to do just that.

"hey, what's going on? FRIDAY said there was an emergency here, who's hurt?" nat heard tony's panicked voice but she didn't make an effort to reply. her gaze was fixed on only you.

tony's jaw dropped, frowning when he saw you on the bed, upper body covered in black lines. "what the hell happened?!"

tony stepped beside bruce, taking a closer look at your skin. his frown deepened. "wait, it looks like.."

"yeah, looks exactly like when you had palladium instead of vibranium in your arc reactor."

"does that mean—"

"palladium's been running through her veins for about twenty minutes now. FRIDAY, how high is her blood toxicity level?" bruce asks, sampling a drop of your blood from when he took out the dart.

"53% and it is still steadily increasing."

"tony, at the rate it's going, if she's not treated in the next fifteen minutes or so, she'll.." bruce pauses, not wanting to say it out loud.

"no, she just needs lithium dioxide. that's how fury and i cured your palladium poisoning, tony." nat finally speaks.

"SHIELD probably has them but they're all the way in dc. they're not gonna reach here in time," tony states solemnly, reaching over to move your hair out of your face, looking down at you sadly.

but he was immediately pulled aside, nat grabbing his collar and looking him straight in the eyes. "you have your stupid iron suits that can probably travel faster than the speed of sound if you try. you can go down there yourself and get the damn thing. i swear to god, tony, i'm literally going to destroy those stupid suits myself if you don't put them to good use." nat threatens, glaring at the billionaire.

tony's eyes widened, the genius having not thought about nat's idea yet. "yeah, yeah, you're right, i'll go now."

he left immediately and nat approached your bed hesitantly, not wanting to see the black lines making home on the skin on your upper body. "do you think tony'll make it back in time?" she sniffles and bruce's worried frown on his face softened. "of course he will. he won't let anything happen to y/n. we won't let anything happen to y/n." he assured her.

there was nothing they could do now but wait for tony to come back with the lithium dioxide. nat sat beside your bed, hands gingerly grasping one of your own. despite the black staining it, nat held it to her face and her tears rolled past the back of your hand.

bruce decided to give her some privacy, opting to inform the whole team of the situation instead of standing around idly.

nat pulled your hand away from her face, rubbing her thumb over the back of it, crying even more at the sight in front of her. "y/n, please. i've never told you this but i need you." she pauses, breathing in shakily. "i've always needed you and i'll always need you. you can't leave me, please. you said i could go on with life without you but you're so wrong, y/n. you're the reason i'm still here and you're the reason i still want to be here. if you're not here then it's as if i have no reason, no purpose. i need you, y/n. so much more than i'd like to admit. heck, probably much more than you need me. so please, don't leave me. i can't do this without you." nat sobs out, watching the patterns on your skin spreading and growing bolder.

at this point, the whole team had now gathered outside of the room, watching nat cry over you. they wanted so bad to get a closer look at their beloved baby avenger but they respected nat and instead, waited for her to finish talking to you. once she stood up and looked around, bruce knew she was done so he entered, followed by the team.

"status, FRIDAY?" bruce asks, sampling a bit of your blood again. "blood toxicity at 96% now."

the team looked your unconscious body in apprehension, some crying and some worried out of their minds.

"goddamnit! where the hell is stark?!" nat growled. her eyes were now puffy after having spent the last half an hour crying. the team had never seen her lose her cool like this but they figured why.

as if on cue, tony's iron man suit crashed through the windows of the room but he couldn't care less. his main priority was to get to you quickly. in his hand was a silver briefcase that he passed to bruce.

bruce opened the case before wasting no time in plunging the syringe containing lithium dioxide, your supposed cure, into you. immediately, the black patterns on your skin started disappearing. it was slow but noticeable. it started from the tips of your fingers, going up towards your neck.

everyone sighed in relief, and to tony's surprise, nat hugged him tightly. "thank you. you have no idea how much this means to me." she whispers. tony pats her back gently. "hey, i care about her too, okay? of course i'd do this for her. any one of us would."

nat smiles at him when she let him go, turning back to you and almost crying out in joy when your skin had finally turned back to normal. she let the medical assistants set your bed up and handle your sprained ankle before going back to sit by you. the team left her alone with you once again.

it was only about an hour later did you wake up, squinting when bright lights shone down on you. you moved around but you felt hands around your left and you heard a familiar voice.

"and remember when you dragged wanda to pull that prank on me with you and after you did, i grounded you like i was your mum or something?" you hear her chuckle, still not noticing that you've woken up.

"i didn't mind, though. frankly, i don't think i would ever mind if you continued acting like my mother or something," you spoke and she immediately tore her gaze from your hands, looking at you, now wide awake.

"bub!" she hugs you so tightly you didn't think you could breathe. you still returned the hug though, laughing. "i was worried you might still have some palladium in your bloodstream."

"wait, palladium?" you asked her in shock. "yeah, the dart that got you in that alley, it contained palladium. it's highly toxic so we used lithium dioxide to counter it. speaking of the dart, i'm going to find out who did this to you and they're never going to see the light of day for putting us through all of this." nat says, disturbingly calm.

"yeah...you do that," you tell her, slightly scared. "but palladium? in my blood? how cool is that? i had literal metal in my blood! i could've become like tony but like...palladium woman or something." you said excitedly.

"you do know we already have metal in our blood, right bub?" nat questions in amusement. "oh." you say dumbly. "and palladium don't belong in our body and you literally almost died because of it." your mouth opened but no words came out.

"speaking of, can you please not do that again? i really thought i was gonna lose you." she whispers, stroking your hair. "oh yeah, of course. i'll just announce to the whole world to not target the youngest avenger," you joke, smile dropping when nat gave you a stern look.

"nat, being part of the avengers at my age undoubtedly means i'll be a target for the bad people out there, but i don't care because while i get to kick ass, i know all of you have my back when it's my ass that's kicked. and i think that's the best part of being an avenger; the sense of security i get having you amazing people as my teammates." you tell her honestly and she smiles softly.

"oh come here you," she pulls you in for another hug but this time it's better because you could still breathe. you make yourself comfortable, snuggling into her.

"did you mean it?" she asked and you look up at her in confusion. "mean what?"

"when you said you wouldn't mind me acting like your mother."

"of course i do, you're like the mother i never had. i wouldn't even mind you being my actual mother." you say without a second thought, eyes widening when you realised what you had said. you swore under your breath, knowing you've just made it awkward between you two.

"i– really?" despite the teams efforts to make her see the truth, it was much more meaningful when she heard you say it yourself. "y–yeah.." you admit sheepishly.

"then you wouldn't mind if i actually adopted you?" she asks carefully, gauging your reaction. your jaw dropped, eyes going wide once again. "are you serious?!"

"yeah." she smiles at you fondly. "no! of course i won't mind!" you hug her tightly, tears forming in your eyes. you had gone all your life without parents so this was a huge thing for you. not only were you going to finally have a mother, but the most amazing woman you knew was going to be your mother.

"mum?" you tested the title, smiling when she acknowledged it. you were now crying in joy.

"hey, don't cry." she soothes you, running a hand up and down your back. "no, no, i'm just so happy. this is the best day of my life." you tell her. "me too, bub."

you stayed in her arms until you fell back asleep, nat tucking you in before going back to sit down on the chair. she looked down at you fondly.

sure, she was scared of the big step she was about to take with you but she had you with her and she knew that was enough. "i love you, y/n." she whispers, planting a kiss on the side of your head.

taglist <3

@amourtentiaa @rqmanoff @abitofeverythinggg @andreasworlsboring101 @cay-writes-fan-fiction514 @teenwonder @sevenmorningstars @fleurlovesbucky

[heresathreebee]

The One Where She Got A Dog

Yelena Belova X Reader

Summary: how Yelena became a dog mom Masterlist Part 2

Tags: E | 1.8k words | scary movie, winter, secret pasts, sapphic

AN: Black Widow movie really got me in my feelings about those characters, Yelena in particular. I havent watched The Thing in almost a year please look the other way if movie events are out of order.

Pretty Russian girls are not usually your type, but fuck if you weren't absolutely obsessed with this one. You laughed when she told you she was from Ohio.  She laughed when you said you were too. 

Aquavit and your grandma's biscuit recipe brought her into your cabin on the edge of the world where she admitted to you she had never seen John Carpenter's The Thing before. You turned it on just as the snow storm set in and wrapped up in your thickest blankets with her. You're trying not to get your hopes too high but she's not shy about asking you to scoot closer. 

"Skäl," you cheer just as the ominous opening credits end and they find the mysterious ship in the frozen wasteland of antarctica. 

"Have you ever been?," Yelena asked. 

You grimace at the strong taste of aquavit. It's like vodka but with caraway for 'flavor'. You look at her from the side and poor yourself a second shot. "Been…?" 

"There." She points at the screen. 

"I have actually," you admit in a way you hope is flat and uninteresting, "have you?" 

Yelena shook her head. It's possible she might think you're being sarcastic (you cross your fingers under the blanket and hope she does). She's smiling at you, thinking something (but still watching the screen with interest). 

She drops the subject until you have to pause the movie to pee. You unwrap yourself from the cocoon of blankets and as you stand she asks you another question. 

"What were you doing there? in Antarctica, I mean." 

You sigh and pretend to brush something off of your pants. "Science trip with my parents. Shitty vacation for me I'd rather be in the Bahamas." 

You resist the urge to look at her. After taking care of business, you come back just in time to put the biscuits in the oven. You hear Yelena lean into the kitchen archway as the floors creak immensely here. 

"No timer?," she asked. 

"No timer," you confirm. "I use the timer of my heart." 

Yelena scoffs. "Please don't burn them, I'm curious about these… what are they– pastries?" 

"Something like that." 

The two of you went back to the movie just as the gang on screen is trying to decipher who is human and who is not. You feel like something between you has changed and sadly not for the better. 

But she can't know. 

"I hate this part," you say, making absolutely no move to avert your gaze. 

Yelena is startled when the doctor's arms become trapped in the bear trap belly mouth of the "man" on the table. She quickly covers her eyes and giggles manically, slapping your chest for the vague and unhelpful warning. You realize she's not as close to you as before…

There's 20 minutes left of this movie and you haven't seen a single thing on screen. Yelena stopped asking you questions when you stopped being coherent with your answers. All you can think about is telling her. 

But you can't tell her. She would never understand. You barely understand and it's about you. 

"I lied." Your heart beats in your throat as you see her face you but you can't look at her directly for fear of losing your nerve. "About the science expedition? That's not why I was in Antarctica…" 

Yelena seems to wait for you to continue but… 

"Eh, no offense but, " you gesture with your hand, "I don't really know you like that." 

Yelena gave your reply a single nod. "I suppose that's fair." 

You can't help but fidget in your seat. "Idliketo" 

"What was that?" 

You cleared your throat. "I said… I said I'd like to. Know you like that, I mean…" 

Yelena gives you a smile. "I would like to know you like that, too." 

The movie ends, the biscuits are not burnt but buttery soft and golden brown, and the blizzard outside has subsided some. It's still going but at least it's not buffering the doors and windows like before. 

"How can you watch that film in a place like this?" Yelena cannot get enough of those biscuits, stuffing them in her mouth 2 at a time. "Does it make you paranoid?" 

"Yes it does," you say, putting your coat on, "I think that's what makes it so much scarier–  looking outside and being scared every person you come across ain't who they say they are. Sometimes its not a bad thing though... I think it is rather… poetic, too." 

Yelena's eyebrows furrow. "Where are you going?" 

You put on your boots and hope the duct tape stays on the hole you covered earlier. "Dogs are out in the shed. It's heated and they have food, but not for days and I'd rather have 'em in the house where I can take care of them." 

As you finished your sentence you reached for the door,  but stopped when you noticed Yelena getting dressed too. She gives you a nod as soon as her hood comes up, and you give this brave thing an appreciative once over. 

The snow that nearly all melted before is up to your knees now. Fresh, white, and fluffy. It muffles sound like the world's sidelong turning. The odd snowflake wafts lazily from the sky, but for the most part it's died down. You teach back and take Yelena's gloved hand to keep from staying too far apart. 

"You know I always wanted a dog," she said. She could have said it in a whisper from 100 yards away and you still would have heard her–  that is how eerily quiet it is. 

Yelena squeezes your hand and you squeeze back. She's probably remembering the movie. You try to distract her by saying, "Oh yeah? You can have one of mine then." 

Yelena laughs, then stops. "You serious?" 

"As a heart attack." You finally reach the door to the shed and unlatch the door. A chorus of barks begin and you charge forward to nudge them back to give Yelena space to come in as well. "I do some breeding up here–  just a side job. They're usually working dogs but they can be pets too." 

Buck licks your face from chin to forehead and you push him back. "Down, boy! Show some respect!" 

Yelena has two of the mongrels circling her, sniffing all her clothes and demanding to be pet. "That's Burt, Barney, and Bella. Buck's my stud, but these heathens are going to a farm. They've got sheep to watch." 

Yelena chuckles as her hands get covered in slobber. "I love them." 

They're almost grown, three quarters the height of their father. Buck didn't even look in Yelena's direction because he knows you give him treats. You take your scarf off as the heat of the shed threatens to smother you and search your pockets for jerky.  

"She's in there with the new puppies." You point to a darkened closet. "Don't get too close now, she's still a little protective." 

Yelena creeps closer. You see her look at you from the corner of her eye. Probably terrified by the morphing dog scene from the movie. You give her an encouraging smile and tell her where to find the light. It's a pull cord and it bathes the room in a warm golden yellow light. 

Yelena's heavy, controlled breathing turns into a coo. Mama dog is laying on her side watching the newcomer closely. There's a pup asleep in the nest of her legs, another chewing on the hay that litters the ground, and the last one is biting their mother's ear. Yelena looks back at you with an adorable pout on her lip. 

"So cute…" 

You chuckle and put your arm around her. Buck knows to steer clear of mama dog and slinks off. You make your guest walk closer with you to show mama she's got your confidence. 

"Yelena, this is Beyonce." Mama dog's ears perk at the sound of her name. "Beyonce, this is Yelena. Be nice." 

You reach down and scoop up the hay eating puppy at your feet. "This one's always hungry." 

You put the pup in her arms and scoop up the biter. "This one likes to play. All the time. Got more energy than the blue Energizer bunny actually." 

The pup in question is literally trying to wriggle out of your hands in its eagerness to climb you and eat your hair. 

"And that one sleeps a lot?" Yelena nodded her head at the last pup. 

"Pretty much." You put the writhing excited puppy down before it hurts itself and look up into the rafters. "And then there's the climber…" 

You both turn your heads when you hear a tiny bark. A cute little face stares down at you from the rafters and there's a feather stuck to its nose. You shake your head knowing this pup got it from ripping up pillows in another part of the dog house. 

"Better go get her," you said, not moving an inch to do so.  

Yelena sees your challenge and rises to it. As if trained to do exactly so, she assesses the wooden interior for foot and hand holds. You can see the wheels turning in her head as she calculates what will and won't support her weight. In the sweep of a single moment, she rises from the door and swings herself into the rafters using a build up a momentum to propel her fast in an upperward direction. She completes the climb and balances with ease, reaching out to collect the happy wagging miscreant from her mountain top, tucks her in her jacket and climbs a different way down. 

You stare at her. "Were you raised by trapeze artists?" 

Yelena laughs. "I thought everybody was." 

The pup is safe and happy and eager to explore its new friend. Yelena lets her lick, sniff, and scratch at her skin, her clothes, her hair. The pup catches Yelena with a tiny lick right on the tip of her nose and Yelena looks back at you with adoring eyes. 

You smile. "Got a name for her already don't you?" 

"Yes," Yelena whines, "no, are you sure about this? I should probably tell you I've never had a dog before…" 

"I can tell your good people," you reply. "And smart as a whip. You'll adapt, just call me if you ever need anything." 

~

Three weeks later you get a phone call from an unknown number. It's Yelena giving you an address and making you swear never to tell anybody about it. You don't have any friends so it's an easy secret to keep. 

You drive a few miles south and stumble upon a stationary trailer in the middle of nowhere, nothing but clearings and trees and sky. Actually very similar to your own home. 

The door opens and Yelena greets you with a beer and the pup under her arm, already almost a foot bigger than she was before. 

"Her name is Fanny." You both laugh yourselves hoarse and pile into the trailer to puppy proof the place. 

[endlich-allein]

Interview with Till about his life: he fought with his father, killed his beloved dog, swam on a wild river and worked on suffering. How Till Lindemann's mind works

"I will finish you off" and why you fought for the German army.

Werner Lindemann wanders around the room, interrupting the silence with strange questions, writing something down. His motive is to get to know his son and make him a friend. But it's complicated. Generational conflict.

"My island of tranquility is shaken every day. The day before yesterday, a guy pulled on my socks because his were torn. Yesterday he didn't put out a single lamp in the house. Now, with voluptuous delight, he spits cherry pits into the cat's fur. Is this grown boy really an adult?"

The apprenticeship in Rostock, where you have to do window production after graduation, is the limit of boredom. Till Lindemann moved to his father in the countryside so that he could forget about the hustle and bustle of the city and not fall under the article for anti-social attitudes. He thought of a new life, in which there was no pointless work, and arranged an attic in his father's house.

In the mornings over coffee, he scolded life that everything went according to schedule. And listened very loudly to music - electronics and metal. My father didn't understand and grumbled: “I matured late. Naturally, I wanted to listen to the music I liked, but I could not get my hands on these records. For example, my father did not understand when I bought the Alice Cooper record for a month's salary.

Werner Lindemann was a children's writer who went through the war.

At the height of his career he disappeared for weeks on literary tours - his fame spread to teachers and librarians across the country. His father pecked at Lindemann for refusing to work and promised to turn him in:

"My willful child. What doesn't fit his standards is rejected as nonsense or crap." So he took a job as a carpenter, where he made shovel cuttings and cart wheels. The head foreman constantly drank vodka during the day, didn't want to be annoyed with questions and addressed the long-haired Lindemann with the nickname: "Mozart!" This suited him.

Werner Lindemann talked about war, hard existence and limitations. For example, about a grenade splinter that remained in his body. Lindemann did not believe in all these stories - but categorically did not accept service, war and murder:

“After that I objected: “I would hide, I would not go to war. Why did you even let yourself be dragged into this? You could have hidden."

And he said: “It didn't work out. They searched for it and it took away."

Then I said: “I would rather go under arrest. Never in my life, I would go to the front line to shoot people. It's against my nature. It would be better if I went to jail."

Much of the time father and son were simply silent, even while watching television.

"He regularly made me feel guilty, to say the least, he placed himself on a pedestal towards me: I shouldn't complain. At your age, I ran barefoot through the stubble, and in my stomach - a potato in a uniform."

The only acceptance is Mike Oldfield's music: "One day my father came to grumble again. At that moment I was listening to Mike Oldfield, and he sat down and said: "That sounds interesting."

For me it was like a quantum leap: my father sits in my room, listens to my music and thinks it was good. Probably because of melancholy. He was sitting in a rocking chair that I made myself - at the time I was working as a carpenter on a farm. I, too, always sat in an armchair, immersed myself in music and smoked hand-rolled cigarettes."

The conflict was intensified by a fight. Lindemann bought a Trabant car, installed speakers in it and tested the sound - loud as usual. “Then my father came and I had to turn off this fucking music. It was kind of loud for him. He was then fiddling around his cases of flowers, and then suddenly the situation escalated. I think he slapped me while I was still in the car.

He leaned toward me and hit me with the back of his hand. I made some bullshit remarks like, "Leave me alone," something like that. That was a provocation to him, and he said: "If you do that again, I'll hit you for real." And I said, "Then you'll get it back. Because you're crazy. Don't you dare to hit me anymore."

And then he hit me with his palm again. He wasn't controlling himself.

He was exalting himself. Instantly he introduced himself as a boxer - he had boxed in the Hitler Youth - and I just... I thought I didn't hit him, I just pushed him away. And then he stood in front of me again, "Come on, I'll finish you, you haven't got a chance!" Somehow. After that, he went up to the attic and threw all my stuff out the window.

It happened over the weekend, my sister was there, a lot of screaming, serious drama. Then I packed my things, put them in the car, went to a friend's house and never went into his house again. At first I lived with this friend, and a week later I bought myself a house in the village."

His father's book is about his son, which the son will only open up after the death of the father.

Lindemann is a late child. He was born when his father was 36. The gap in their relationship was felt in everyday life and perception of the world. Werner Lindemann woke up early in the morning, worked with the circular saw under the windows and did not understand when his son slept until noon after a working week.

Lindemann's parents then lived separately, but kept in touch. Mom worked as a journalist and discussed her texts with his father. "She still lived in Rostock and always came to see him only on weekends. Mostly on Sundays she came back quite early, because she couldn't stand the stress of being with him, either."

In 1988, the book “Mike Oldfield im Schaukelstuhl Notizen eines Vaters" In this book, Lindemann Senior describes the relationship with his son (whom he calls Timm in the book), who settled with him at the age of 18. The book was written in the 80s and laid on the table until the German Democratic Republic and the Federal Republic of Germany were reunited.

Werner Lindemann wanted his son to take up writing too. But this only amused him, although as a child he wrote poetry. At the age of 13, little Till Lindemann and his father were returning home along the bumpy road to Mecklenburg. They talked about career self-determination:

"You should already have thoughts about what you want to become, boy." My answer: "I don't know yet, maybe a fisherman on the high seas."

But immediately, no matter what I said, objections arose: “But then you have to get a certificate of maturity. But then you will be away all the time. But then you won't be able to start a relationship."

There was always a “but”.

At some point it got on my nerves, as usual. And I said: "Worst case scenario, I'll just become a writer.

I still remember how alienated his face became. "And what do you think then, what do I do! It's a very hard job! In fact, it's not even a job, it's a passion. And it's a job that's supposed to be enjoyable."

I said, "I don't know anybody who works with pleasure."

"Yeah, that's the problem. You have to look for a job that gives you pleasure." Then I say again, "But some people never get to choose..." This gigantic discussion happened because I didn't take his profession seriously. At the same time, he was completely lost, funny!"

Lindemann thoughtfully read his father's book, in which he comprehends their relationship, after his death. Faked for hidden anger and indecision. For example, in a situation where their dog Kurt was bitten by a fox. The father was frightened because of rabies: “At the same time, we did not even know whether he was bitten by a fox or not. The father immediately called the huntsman. But I said: no one will enter this courtyard and shoot the dog. I'll do it myself if I really need it. At some point I really had to kill the dog."

Lindemann is not a monster. The animals he fiddled with are an important attribute of childhood. He had an aquarium and hamsters, brought mice and rats home, and was friends with dogs. “Like many children of new buildings, he felt the need for someone alive, in need of love,” said Werner Lindemann. Sometimes the appearance of an animal in the house was surprising:

“This guy will never say what he's up to. He appears on the doorstep at the same time as me. He gets out from his vehicle, throws his coat open and puts a young black shepherd in my hands. "Your Christmas present!"

Till's father is speechless. My son stands before me like the sun's little brother. Touchingly concerned, he directs me into the house, working out a plan for the animal husbandry, accommodation and diet of our new pet housemate.

With confusion, a question flies from my lips, "Wheredid you get the dog from?" "Timm" is gibbering, "Imagine, the mason in the barnyard wanted to hang him, simply wanted to strangle him with a rope, said he was a worthless eater..."

Werner Lindemann died of stomach cancer in 1993, when his son was 30. They didn't finally reconcile, but Till visited him in his last days and was there for him with his mother: "They couldn't be without each other, even though they lived apart. Unreal, but my mother never had another man afterwards. To this day she can't let go of him."

- Not going to the Olympics in Moscow and ending up in the German ghetto

Lindemann had the knowledge and the potential to be a swimmer. And a shyness that pounded harder three days before the competition than concerts in front of crowds of thousands. "I know how difficult it is to develop willpower and stamina and instill those attributes. In the GDR this was instilled in us by coaches and so-called functionaries."

Lindemann came to swimming at the age of eight and devoted his entire youth to the sport. He would get up for training at five in the morning and pass out in the evening. His grandmother watched him from the stands. At a competition in Leipzig she shouted at the coach, who told Lindemann off for a poor result. The grandmother took the coach by the ear and said: "How do you talk to my grandson?"

Sports tightened up his upbringing and developed self-discipline. “Drilling - probably the boy has already received this experience as a swimmer,” Lindemann's father wrote. - Once he had to take second place in a competition, but by no means first place. Of course, he got carried away, forgot about it, became the first, thanks to which he received a shouting for indiscipline. And whenever he lost in the future, his coach would torture him at practice for a long time and yelled at him: "Even if you win, you're not a winner yet!"

Lindemann swam the 1.5 km freestyle and could have gone to the 1980 Olympics in Moscow. Everything was ruined when he left the hotel without permission during a competition in Florence: "I didn't want to run, but just wanted to look at the city. Cars, bikes, girls. I was caught and kicked out of the team, but then I didn't give the required results either."

Lindemann competed at the European Junior Championships, but did not go any higher. After the story in Florence, his career in sport slipped away. Perhaps an abdominal injury influenced his departure. Lindemann is gone, but he doesn't yearn: "I was relatively young. There were no good [memories] left. I was glad it was over."

"The hardest part was getting back to normal. I fell into a real hole. My home was no longer a sports school, but a ghetto in Rostock. Now I stood out through drinking and fighting. I used to be surrounded only by beautiful ladies who were interested in swimming. Now I had fierce women standing in front of me asking, "How come you don't drink?" When I was shy about approaching a girl, it was interpreted as: "Are you gay?"

Lindemann now works with a coach and swims a few kilometers before his tours to get in shape: "When I exercise, I feel a certain lightness - not only physically, but also mentally. I just feel better. The main problem is staying in shape. That's where self-discipline comes into play. Teeth grinding is important."

- Three weeks in the wild and loneliness as a creative tool

Emotionally, concerts = sports:

"How do I go on tour? Hungry. And happy. It is good to compare concerts with sport. You don't want to do both at first. You don't want to go on stage. You don't want to go to the pool. You don't want to go to the boxing ring. It all happens with reluctance. It has to be accepted somehow, that's life: spring, summer, fall, winter.

When it's done, winter's gone, the blooming begins, greenery appears, it gets bright, and you start to get a taste for it. When it's over, you feel happy. Then the body produces a sea of chemistry, a lot of happiness hormones. I think the body rewards itself."

The stage, like sports, is an embarrassment, but a necessity. Lindemann wore dark glasses in order to collect fewer views from the audience. Therefore, a couple of steps before the water, he looked at the pool with a shiver. You need to cope with yourself in order to open up to new emotions.

Lindemann's gut requires solitude and moderate solitude. This is the point:

“Loneliness is always good for a creative push - you drink a glass of wine and you feel even shitier. Art is not complete without suffering; art exists to compensate for suffering."

With his friend Joey Kelly, Lindemann spent three weeks on the Yukon River. They paddled through the wilderness in a kayak for eight to 10 hours each and lived in a tent. Lindemann didn't take a tape recorder with him, so he transferred the lyrics wandering in his head on paper.

They were catching inspiration and atmosphere:

"There were times when we wouldn't say a word for hours, but then: look there, look there! It was breathtakingly beautiful. These relatively fast-changing panoramas and skies, layers of clouds, the colors.

Except for a few bears and wolves, it's hard to see anyone else out there, it's exhilarating. Along the way we saw two hunters setting traps. No one else.

I grew up in the countryside, and I have a very strong connection to nature. I love fishing, hunting. It's an archaic experience that I like to revisit over and over again. When I'm in the city for too long, I start to miss it."

To recreate situations in the Yukon, Lindemann and Kelly trained for nine months on the Rhine river in Germany because of its liveliness.

"We went down the Rhine to where the transport ships create huge bow waves. If we hadn't had a coach with us, we probably would have been sunk by the side wave impact already during our first attempt," Lindemann said.

Together with Kelly, he had four sessions with two coaches and swam from Cologne to Koblenz [more than 100 kilometers by car]. Lindemann trained separately each week on the lakes in Mecklenburg. It's both physically challenging and savage identical to being natural.

In 2015, Till started his solo project Lindemann. On the album Skills In Pills, the song Yukon was released, in which the lyrics appeared first, and then the music.

- "My lyrics come from pain rather than desire."

The country boy is big and not much of a talker. That's how the Rammstein members saw him at the start, when they were hanging out at home. "He looked cool, like a big peasant talking one sentence an hour," keyboard player Christian "Flake" Lorenz recalled. - He always had food and vodka. He'd just steal a couple of ducks somewhere and cook them on a tray. And then, frozen like in Sleeping Beauty, there were people lying in corners and on trunks in his house."

Lindemann loves and appreciates home gatherings. This came from my father, who always had guests. “In my opinion, this is the little bit that I inherited from him. Throwing parties and gathering people. Throwing parties and getting people together. He just enjoyed being a good host. The house was always full of guests from Leipzig, from Rostock, foreign guests, even from Kazakhstan.

It was always exciting for him. He stood at the stove, cooked, bought an abundance of wine, and there was always a fire in the garden. At some point he stopped drinking, then he left the party at 21:00 and the whole company continued to feast. And in the morning he got up at four, cleaned and tidied up."

Till Lindemann is about self-digging, overcoming and childish shyness, which is covered by a pumped-up figure of a swimmer. This is how Lindemann decrypts himself:

• “And I really am like a big child - ill-mannered, but harmless. People think that I am always strong, explosive. This is not true. I am sensitive and easily hurt, but in love I am romantic and passionate."

• “At the very beginning, you sit somewhere in a dark room, open a bottle of wine and figure out how to make the lyrics popular with the music. At first you only have a vague idea of ​​what it could be.

And when, three years after recording, mixing, and more mixing, developing the artwork, all this nonsense, then you stand on stage, and what you came up with then really works, when you manage to get 20 thousand people to raise their hands, then you experience incredible sensations."

• “Art is a kind of therapy.

When I feel that something is arising inside me, domineering and is most often dark, I need to give it a way out, otherwise it will simply crush me. So destruction and self-destruction are the two pillars on which my creativity is based.

But everyone chooses this for himself.

• “My lyrics arise from feelings and dreams, but still more from pain than by desire. I often have nightmares, and I wake up at night sweating, as I see terrible bloody scenes in my dreams. My lyrics are a kind of valve for the lava of feelings in my soul.

We are all struggling to hide behind good manners and outward decency, but in fact we are governed by instincts and feelings: hunger, thirst, horror, hatred, the desire for power and sex. Of course, there is also additional energy in us - this is love. Without it, all human feelings would fade away."

- "When you're constantly living someone else's life, it's very hard to get back into your own skin. I like that in principle, but sometimes you start to get confused - are you out of a role or not yet. You're already Till, or you're still a homicidal maniac."

- "I hate the noise. I hate the chatter. I expose myself to it, which is pure masochism. And then I have to protect myself from it. Noise makes you crazy. You die in it."

• “I think there is no God. And if he is and actually allows all the misfortunes on this earth, then he must punish me along with other sufferings. I will not pray to such a god."

This is how the members of Rammstein see Till - flexible and with a split personality:

Guitarist Paul Landers: "Till is so good that when you let him know that his lyrics should go in a different direction, the very next day he brings a new version of the song."

Guitarist Richard Kruspe: “He's a hell of an extreme man. He dives very deeply into situations where I cannot follow him. Everything he does is very extreme; I don't know anyone who does it. "

Drummer Christoph Schneider: "I would not want to be in Till's shoes: his soul is tormented by doubts and contradictions, he is equally a moralist and a monster."

June 1, 2021 - Translate by Lindemann Belgium

[reds-ramblings]

Apple Doesn't Fall Far - Part 4

Jake's P.O.V.

It's been almost two weeks that I've been in East View and I'm not any closer to figuring out what happened to MC. I've revisited all the places she used to go. I keep hoping I will run into her on the street or in a restaurant or even on campus but it's as if she never existed. Honestly, if I hadn't met her and spent that night with her I would question whether or not she was even real.

The first week of my new job is almost over. It is my first actual teaching job and I've enjoyed it. I've met so many bright young kids. The most surprising of those kids being one of the youngest in the program, Grace Carter. She's incredibly smart. I'll admit on her first day when she got a perfect score on the computer knowledge test I was convinced she had cheated but after speaking with some of the other teachers I believe she really is that smart. Suddenly there's a knock on my office door pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Come in," I call out and the door opens revealing Gracie standing there with her laptop.

"Mr. McKnight, can you help me with writing this program? I keep getting errors in the coding." She says.

"Sure. Let's see what you got." I say motioning for her to come in. I'm surprised she needs help considering she's usually ahead on everything.

"I'm doing the assignment where you have to write the program in python to calculate how many months it will take to save enough money to buy a house." She says sitting down and putting her laptop on my desk.

"Gracie we haven't even gotten to this assignment yet. You're working really far ahead."

"I finished everything from this week already and I just want to learn as much as I can while I'm here." She says

I lean forward and push her laptop closed causing her to give me a horrified look. "When's the last time you ever just acted like a kid?" I ask her.

"Umm, I don't know." She shrugs her shoulders.

"Well, this can wait. There are no classes today so today you get to act like a kid." I tell her.

"Why?"

"Because I spent years of my life doing nothing but sitting behind a computer. It's not a fun life especially for a kid. Come on," I get up walking towards the door. "There's an ice cream shop on campus and I'm taking you there." I'm not sure why but I felt instantly drawn to Grace the first time I met her. For some reason, I feel like we were destined to meet each other. Maybe it's because she just needs a positive role model in her life like many of the kids I mentor.

We get to the ice cream shop on the other side of campus. Gracie walks up to the counter looking at all of the flavors.

"You can get anything you want." I tell her.

"Really?" She says with wide eyes.

"What can I get for you." The lady behind the counter asks and I nod at Gracie to order.

"Two scoops of cookies and cream with hot fudge and strawberries." She says and I can't help but give her a shocked look. "I know everyone thinks I'm weird for eating strawberries with cookies and cream but it's my favorite."

"And for you sir?" The lady asks me.

"I'll have the same," I say. This time it's Gracie's turn to look shocked. "I wasn't giving you that look because I thought it was weird. I was giving you that look because that's my favorite too."

We get our order and sit down at a table in the corner.

"What got you interested in programming?" I ask curiously.

"Well, it's something I've been interested in as long as I can remember. I've always been interested in both the hardware and software of computers. My mom even let me build my own computer but it took a while to persuade her. She says I get all this from my dad but I wouldn't know I've never met him." She says with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"I'm sorry, Gracie. I've never met my father either so I know how it feels to always wonder about that part of you."

"Does he know you exist?" She asks

"He does. He was engaged when him and my mother got together. When my mother found out she was having me he decided he didn't want anything else to do with her or me. He refused to acknowledge me and he even refused to let me have his last name. Once I became an adult I decided I didn't want to know him. I do have two younger sisters by him and we have become pretty close over the years." I'm not sure why I am telling this kid my life story but it just felt right.

"My dad was apparently some wanted criminal. My mom refused to tell him about me and she refuses to tell me who he is. She's afraid I'll look for him and she's right I definitely would. I know I am named after his sister but I don't really know anything else." She sighs and I can tell she's trying hard not to cry. "I often wonder what he would think if he did meet me. Would he like me? Would he be happy I'm following in his footsteps or would he try to talk me out of it like my mom does? I hope he would like me and be proud to have a kid like me. "

"Gracie, you're an amazing kid. I don't think there's anyone on this planet who wouldn't be proud to call you their daughter. If I'm ever lucky enough to have a daughter I hope she's like you." I try to reassure her. Hearing her talk about the father she never met breaks my heart.

"Are you from here Mr. McKnight?" She says obviously wanting to change the subject.

"You can call me Jay and no I'm from a town in Germany named Colville. What about you?"

"I live about three hours away in Bellview."

"Oh wow. You're pretty far away from home. I bet your mom is worried about you being so far away at your age." I say.

"Yeah she almost didn't let me come but my aunt helped me talk her into it."

"Is she going to be able to come to parent day Saturday?" I ask hopeful that I get to meet one of the people responsible for creating this brilliant child.

"Yeah if she can get off work in time she will."

"Alright, we should probably head back." I grab our trash and walk over to the can to throw it away.

"Now will you help me with the assignment?" She pleads.

"Do you really want to spend your day off coding?" I ask raising my eyebrow at her.

"Yes!"

"Ok fine. I'll help you."

-------------------------------------------------------

Marabella's P.O.V.

The house is so quiet and I don't know what to do with myself without Gracie here. I've been sitting here on the couch flipping through the channels for what feels like hours.

"Oh come on you have to stop moping around." Anna says throwing herself on the couch beside me.

"That's easy for you to say. I've never been away from Grace for more than a few hours." I say grabbing a throw pillow and hugging it to my chest.

"It's just a few weeks it's not like she's actually gone off to college." She laughs.

"Ugh, I don't even want to think about that." I groan.

"You know, you could take this opportunity to start dating again. I haven't heard you even talk about a guy in years."

"And you won't hear me talk about any."

"You can't possibly still be hung up on Grace's dad." She says with a disgusted tone.

"I'm not hung up on him." I roll my eyes. "I just don't want to be with anyone else."

"Seriously Mara?"

"So anyways parent day is Saturday." I say needing to change the subject.

"Are you going to be able to get off work to go?" She asks.

"I hope so. I have to work but I am going to try to leave early. The first few hours there's a meet and greet with the teachers. I really want to be there to meet this Jay McKnight guy Gracie hasn't stopped talking about."

"Oh, does she have a crush on the teacher?" Anna asks.

"I don't know if that's what it is or if she just idolizes him. He took her out for ice cream. I'm not sure how I feel about this. He told her she needed to stop spending so much time behind her computer and needed to enjoy being a kid. In a way, I'm thankful for that because you know how she is with that damn computer. You just hear all these horror stories and I'm trying not to be creeped out by the guy before I have a chance to meet him." I say trying not to sound too overprotective.

"Maybe he's just trying to be a good role model? She doesn't have a father so I think it's good that she has some sort of male figure in her life."

"Yeah but he's also encouraging her to do all the things I try to keep her from doing." I groan

"We've been over this you have to let her live her own life." She says taking the pillow I've been hugging and smacking me with it.

"In case I can't get off work in time will you drive down there and I can just meet you when I get off? I would feel better knowing at least one of us could meet him and see what kind of person he is." I ask

"Sure I can do that. Who knows I might meet my next husband while I'm there." She laughs.

[partywithgyu]

TXT REACTION.

Work keeping them away from their S/O.

//Gender neutral.//

//Mentions of a sprained ankle and stress.//

Choi Yeonjun. 

You knew, Yeonjun loved you. He had told you that so many times. You loved him too. There was something else that you two gave a lot of attention to; your careers. Well, that's how things can be in this world. However, Yeonjun was kept more occupied than you. Having time to spend with him, but him being busy often led to disappointment. Yeonjun knew that. 

On this very night, he waited outside your apartment for you. The lift opened to reveal your drunk self, holding onto your bestie. The other two smiled at each other. "Thanks for dropping me," you sang to your bestie who just chuckled. "Your turn to be the designated driver next time." "Ay. Ay. Captain." 

"You should have told me you were coming," you whined as you looked for the apartment key in your bag. "I wanted to surprise you, babe. I missed you," he said as he watched you hand him the key. Your lips curved into a small child like smile. "Open it for me." He clicked his tongue, taking the key from your hand. "I told you I missed you. Tell me you missed me too," he complained making you chuckle. "I wanna pee. Open the door!" "First tell me you missed me." "I miss you a lot all the time. Now open." 

Well, he was kind enough to open the door after. The two then stuck to the night routine before laying on the bed. It was after days that you were laying beside him. It felt nice. You didn't enjoy laying by yourself all alone. Especially on nights when sleep deserted you. That's when you felt the loneliest. He noticed the way you had shifted so close to him. There was a small smile on your face as he wrapped his arm around you. "So cozy. I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days," you said to him. "Why?," he asked in a soft tone. His lips curved to a small frown. "I don't know. Have you been sleeping well?" 

"Not really. I was busy. That's not important," he said. "You know what's more important than that?," he added. You were laying with your eyes shut, all ready to doze off. He watched your mouth open to answer his question. "Your career."

He was silent. He didn't like listening to that. It hurt him to hear those words but that's how things had been. Guilt overtook him. He felt guilty about letting you feel like you weren't the important thing he was talking about. He felt guilty about not making enough time. Perhaps, he had not been reminding you about his love for you enough. He had to. Placing a kiss on your forehead, he promised himself to spend the next day, that he had as an off, with you. He would prioritize you and remind you that you still meant a lot to him. 

Choi Soobin. 

He was away quite often he knew. His work kept him busy. He still tried to always be a reliable person to you. He was someone you could trust and always ask for help. He thought he was doing a good job until he came to know of the secret you were hiding. More like, a sprained ankle. 

It was a bright day at work and everything seemed to be going well. As time consuming as it was, his work didn't always seem a burden. He enjoyed it. And then he got to know in a conversation with his mother, during his break time. She mentioned running into you. Unfortunately for you, she didn't forget to mention the cast you were wearing on your leg. "Cast?" he had asked his mom. You had sprained your ankle. To prevent any more damage to your ligament you had to wear it. However, did you have to stress Soobin? "You didn't know?" He was confused. You hadn't mentioned it to him. He was your boyfriend after all. So, he called you immediately. 

"Hello?" 

"Love, are you wearing a cast?" 

"Um? Yeah." The hesitation in your voice was painfully clear. You had very clearly been hiding it from him. He didn't like that. 

"What do you mean by yeah? What happened? How did you get hurt?" 

"Bin. It's not that bad. I fell down that's all. It'll be off in a few days. It's just a bad sprain. Don't worry about it." 

"Don't worry about it? Why wouldn't you tell me that? Why did I hear it from someone else? Tell me." He was angry. This was a rare occurrence. He wasn't the kind to get so irritated and talk like that. In this situation, you knew you were to be blamed. However, you did have your own reasons. 

"You're busy and I didn't want to add to your stress." 

"I am never too busy for you."

"You are. Let's admit it, okay? I am not saying you have to pick between me or your career. I know it's how it is but it's difficult for me too. So, don't yell." 

You were right, he knew. It's not like he could leave the building and head to meet you after getting to know about the injury. You were the one who got injured after all. It took him a few seconds to realize that he might have overreacted. 

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I just got a little worried. I want to take care of you, you know?" 

"It's fine." "Really?" "Yeah. I said, it's fine," you said to him softly. You couldn't stay mad at him. Especially after listening to those sweet words. You wished he was around you more often. You really missed him. 

"You sound a little sad," he said softly. 

"I miss you a lot," you confessed. The shift in your tone made his heart sink. He couldn't bear listening to you be that sad. "I miss you too. I think there are chances that we have a late schedule tomorrow. I'll come over to your house then, okay?" 

"Yes please." Just the thought of getting to meet him again made you so happy. He smiled on hearing the excitement in your tone. "I have to go now. Break is over. Take care, okay? Love you," he said to you. " "Okay." "And?" "I love you too." 

Later that night, you opened the door to your boyfriend who brought with him snacks and ice-cream. 

Choi Beomgyu. 

Beomgyu had been busy with interviews. Along with the other boys, he spent hours sitting in front of the camera, filming. Then, he had to shoot for To Do. Then, he had to learn Japanese. Then, it was time for a songwriting session. 

As he sat in the studio thinking of a concept to write about, he thought of you. Work wasn't as bad. He still wished he was with you. It would be nice if he could spend at least a small amount of time with you. He wanted to. Yet, he didn't really know if he could tell you those words directly. He knew staying away from each other for such a long time could be tough for you too. 

He started writing. The words came to him so easily. The feeling had lingered for a while. It was while writing that he found himself asking why had you not left him yet. He gulped as he stared at those words. Did you deserve to adjust that much? Was he selfish for wanting you to stay? 

Even the others boys could tell there was something on his mind as they packed up to leave, past midnight. As soon as they reached home, he pulled out his phone to dial your number. Lucky for him, you hadn't fallen asleep yet. "Hey sweetie," you said to him. A smile took over his face when he heard you call him that. "Hi love. Why aren't you asleep?" "I was finishing some work. And then got busy going through memes on instagram." He clicked his tongue. "You will remain short if you don't sleep early." 

Seated on his bed, he engaged in the conversation. "I don't think I can grow any taller," you said. He sighed. "Kids nowadays," he commented. "Shut up, you grandpa." He chuckled. A yawn escaped your mouth. He could hear it over the phone. "Isn't it annoying?," he asked you. "What is?" "We don't spend a lot of time together," he said to you. He felt nervous about highlighting the fact to you. 

"It is slightly. It would be more annoying if you were in a field you didn't like. It would be more annoying, if I would act like a fool and give up on you just like that. We're not like couples straight out of a movie but it's fine. We're us. And this is how things are."

As always, he found comfort in your assurance. "You're my soulmate."

Kang Taehyun. 

Taehyun and you both knew that his job could keep him away for sometime. That didn't mean that he wouldn't try to be the best boyfriend to you. He would be a  rather responsible one. Even if he wasn't in town, he would remember to text you whenever he was free. He could always tell how your day was going. 

So, on this particular day as you replied to his text with one word replies, he could tell you weren't in the best mood. Even when he was in another city, he could tell you were trying to act like you were okay, he could tell. "I'll be back," he said to Kai who was laying on the bed next to his. He headed out of the room to the pool side. It was after a few days that they had free time. He planned on calling you anyway. 

"Hey," he said to you over the phone. "Hi," you said in a tone not so light. To him it sounded like you were pretending to be cheerful when you were tired. "Are you okay?," he asked. "No. I am Y/N." He clicked his tongue on listening to the dad joke. "You're an idiot. That's what you are," he said. "Hey! Do you wanna fight or something?," you asked playfully. "Sure. Don't challenge me babe." 

A small laugh, he heard. "Seriously, are you fine?" "I wouldn't say I am not fine," you said to him. You were sitting in a chair, before a table. On the table was a laptop, books, papers, so much work for you to get done. "I am a little stressed. I have so much work to get done with," you let him know. He sighed. He knew you used to stay as busy as him. If anything, you were as likely to over work as much as he was. It was something he didn't really like. He knew what it felt like though. 

"Do you leave the house? Have you been going for walks?," he asked you. The cold night breeze surrounded him as he looked at the beautiful view of the blue pool under the night sky. "You're not here. I don't like going for walks unless it's with you." "I know I am a very fun person. I still think you should exercise a little at least," he said. "I don't feel like leaving the house. Maybe, I'll exercise at home. It's just I have so much work to get done with. I don't feel like getting physically tired, you know?" 

"Baby, take breaks." It was a command more than a suggestion. "I don't--" "You have to. You'll get burnt out otherwise." "I don't have anything to do." "Don't worry about that," he assured you. "It's late now. Keep your phone aside and sleep, okay?" "I-" "Okay?" "Okay." "Good. Sweet dreams love." "You too. Goodnight Tae." 

The next day, in the evening, you got delivered a package. It was from Tae. That's what the label on top said. The package was filled with a few coloring books and water coloring pens. It left you surprised by how considerate he was. It was the perfect way to fill your break time. It was heartwarming how caring he was. Even when he was away, he managed to take care of you. 

Huening Kai. 

Kai felt bad. He really did. He didn't mean to forget your birthday. He just happened to have been so busy keeping track of tasks that he forgot to keep track of the date. You spent the day feeling sad. There was some hope, you tried to have. Even a text was enough to make you less sad. He didn't even text you. 

The next day when he realized that he had forgotten about your birthday, he rushed to your house as soon as he left work. With him he carried a bag of chocolate. You sighed as you opened the door for him. You hadn't been replying to his texts, for him to realize that he had done something wrong. Honestly, it wasn't the best feeling. So, you didn't put efforts into pretending like you weren't disappointed. 

"I am so sorry," he said as he watched your expression. "It was a mistake. I totally forgot about it." He didn't like the way you silently watched him. You didn't look like you were going to accept his apology this quickly. "That's the least you can do. You're away all the time, Kai. We barely meet and now you're forgetting about important days," you went on. "I won't forget about you, if that's where you're leading," he said softly. That's where you were leading. You just shut your lips because you didn't know what to say to that. 

"Please let me in?," he said to you. He had been standing outside all this time. You opened the door. You did feel silly getting mad over the fact that he forgot your birthday. You knew, it wasn't on purpose. It didn't feel nice to be forgotten though. "Just to be clear, do you forgive me?," he asked. You didn't say anything. "Come on. We're meeting after so many days, don't give me the silent treatment," he whined. He then held up a paper bag. "Look, I made these while filming today. You'll like it," he said as he held it up. You were a little curious. Also, you had been missing him. So, you gave in. 

"What is it?," you asked. He held back his laugh as he handed it to you. You looked in the bag to see cutely wrapped chocolates. You kept the box of chocolate pavé on the table while Kai took off his shoes. "Can you stay over?," you asked him. He wished he could. As he watched you look at him hoping he could, he felt even worse about it. "Sorry. I have an early schedule tomorrow but next week-" "You'll try to find time. You always say that. Take your chocolates and leave." 

"Don't say that," he said as he headed to the washroom to wash his hands. "I have two days off next week," he said. Well, that sounded good to you. "Really?" "Yes," he sang as he walked out with his wet hands. "Don't be sad. Here have some pavé," he said as he held up the box with his hands that were still wet. He pulled open the cover. Somehow the box slipped. It fell on the floor. The chocolate pavé too was on the floor. "Huening Kai, I swear to God." 

‹•.•›

To head to my masterlist click here.