#i want to sew her some jeans too and some dresses but OMG

[amu-brain-dump]

Over the past month I have slowly but surely acquired many toys and trinkets for Shouko cause, obviously, anytime I see anything in miniature I instantly think of her. These are her new things:

She also has other things that I got before she even arrived like her sitting towel and some other plushies

[wri0thesley]

IVE SEEN A FEW OF UR RECENT POSTS AB TAILOR!READER SO I HOPE ITS OK FOR ME TO COME IN AND DROP SOME RAMBLING !!

firstly, is the tailor!reader exclusive to mondstadt or do you think they'd ever travel to other nations? because omg the thoughts . . .

kaveh making excuses to meet up with the tailor for the umpteenth time that week before they return to mondstadt - ranging from "alhaitham's headphones snagged my scarf!" "cyno got a little competitive over the last tcg game.." always blaming the others in an attempt to get pity from reader 😭 dehya making (repetitive) small talk about weather (or makeup) with reader in order to soothe her nerves and an attempt to conceal the shakiness of her voice and the reddening of her cheeks. nilou inviting them to as many performances as she can manage before reader leaves for mondstadt, wanting to show how much she loves the outfits they designed for her !! or thoma meeting up with reader to discuss fabrics and sewing techniques and ayato begins to take a small interest in reader as he watches his loyal servant blush and ramble from afar. or ayaka finding comfort in the times they visit because of how well they listen to not only her attire needs but her interests and what she's been up to. she just hopes her occasional stutter doesn't give away how flustered she is !! visiting liyue AND OHMYGOD NINGGUANG good lord so much I could say about her, i dont even know where to begin. . . AND YELAN??? poor tailor!reader is going to faint within minutes of being in their presence ^^; and omg sneaky hu tao purposely ruining her clothes so reader is forced to schedule spontaneous appointments to fix the clothes, or her playing small pranks on them for the time that they are visiting !!! and finally returning home to mondstadt, only to see your co workers tired and drained from dealing with the tense atmosphere along with stiff and curt responses from your normally lively, polite, and/or chatty clients </3 and telling kaeya, jean, rosaria, albedo, etc., all about your travels in the other nations and all the lovely and interesting people you met; ignorant to the way the corners of their lips tug down or push into a pout, the slight eyeroll you barely miss, the minor twitches of their fingers when you make a comment on wanting to travel again . . . AAA I love the concept of mondstadt tailor!reader <3

OHH i have not thought of them beyond mondstadt but it's certainly possible; sometimes one needs to travel for new fabrics and notions themselves, because buying from merchants is becoming too cost prohibitive or they just aren't bringing the kind of things you want - sometimes it's nice to see fashion in other nations, to talk about fontaine's new silhouettes or the beautiful silk of liyue or the fascinating dye methods of inazuma, to be able to outfit your mondstadt customers for their adventures outside of the city of freedom too--

and all of these other characters from other nations growing charmed by tailor reader, their smile and their gentle clever hands and their innate eye for design and cut and fabric, their occasional fumbles when they get flustered . . . how cute. they have to invite you again sometime. ningguang who wants a dress for a new ball and for you to outfit beidou appropriately too. ayato who calls you in on the pretense of new clothes for ayaka, kaveh who can't help spend his meagre money on beautiful things. a fatui harbinger who loves luxury and excess and notes your prowess on one of his business trips and wonders what you could drape him in, given half the chance . . .

better take someone for protection to that one.

[geeky-marie]

Good Luck Charm

Dewey Finn x Reader ( Female)

School of Rock 

N/A: Well it’s starts with a small idea and I write it in a few hours. It end to be way more soft and fluff that I wanted at first. I wanted to have a little Smut in it but, I think it wouldn’t fit right. So, here a fluffy Dewey Finn. 

* English is not my first language, I tried really hard to correct myself but, I hope you will excuse me if some mistakes are still there.  

------------------------------------------------------ 

The kids were in panic. Miss Mullins, nervously biting his nails, was trying to calm them. The technician guy, unhappy, was growling about his time in a more popular band where this kind of situation would never happen. And there, in a little corner of the room, was you. Your phone glued to your ear, trying to calm a horrifying late and swearing Dewey Finn, stuck in the traffic.

“ I swear Y/N, the old cow in front of me must think that the hallway is a parking or something … fuck, maybe she’s dead in her car and her foot is on the break ! Come on, I'm laate to my shooww “ 

Trying to not laughing, you try to keep your mind clear. 

“ We will find a solution, you have some time. But, most important, Dewey, do you have it? “ 

“ Yes of course I have it Y/N! I didn’t go of my gig for nothing!” 

Dewey didn’t have the intention or the need to go out after the afternoon practice if it hadn’t been of Lawrence. You had noticed, during the repetition that the young boy wasn’t like usual, or at least was playing with less facility that normal. Concern and with the help of Dewey, you had tried to find out what’s happened.

“ Come on Lawrence, what’s the matter dude?” 

“ You can tell us, we see that something is bothering you...are you anxious for tonight?” You asked, a gentle smile on your lips. 

“ No, that’s...that’s stupid” The boy replied, looking at his shoes. 

“ Stupid like, I think at my math homework or stupid like I love a girl and she’s stuck in my brain ? Because we could do a song about that !” Dewey asked, his eyes sparkling at the idea. 

“ Dewey “ You sighed. “ I’m sure it’s not stupid Lawrence” 

“ I forgot at school the good luck charm my grandmother gave me, I have it at each one of our concerts...I can play well without it” He confessed, his cheeks turning pink under your gaze. 

“ I’m sure you can play without it, it’s not luck who makes you’re a great musician it’s...” You started before being abruptly interrupted by Dewey. 

“ I’ll go get it “ He says, already taking his car keys. “ We don’t play with luck” 

After reflection, letting Dewey go himself was a stupid idea. But, nobody could have predicted the road accident whose block a part of the hallway and create a huge traffic. But, you were now at twenty minute of going on stage and the second guitars and principal singer is missing. 

“Miss Y/N, it’s almost our turn, the owner asks what we do...”

You didn’t see Summer coming. As the manager, she was perfect. Always master of herself, calm and sure of his decision for the good of the band. But, you knew that after all, she’s just a kid and she must feel lost and anxious like everybody in the room. 

“ Summer tell them to...” Dewey start to yell in the phone before you interrupt him, scared of the end of the sentence in his state of mind. Even if he had made great progress since he teaches to the children, the man still had his temper and could have a dirty mouth. 

“ Dewey, try your best to coming the faster you can. I will find a solution.” You reply, hanging out before he could answer. 

In fact, you have an idea. You didn’t like it, but it was better that cancel the performance, disappoint everybody and showing to the kids that it better to give up at the first difficulty. 

“ Summer, tell everybody we will play. Say to Lawrence that is item is in the crowd almost in his pocket. Tell Billy to bring me the uniform of Dewey and his sewing kit and ask to Miss Mullins to come with me“ Closing briefly your eyes trying to stop your anxiety, you take a breath “ I will take Dewey’s place “

As a smart child, Summer only nod of the head knowing that you didn’t come with this solution if you knew that you couldn’t do it. Soon, everybody had been informed of the plan and Miss Mullins had gracefully agree to wear your jeans in exchange of his above the knee black skirt.    

“ I only have one question” The young and small manager tell, looking at the way too large for you uniform of Dewey, Billy was caring “ How will you make it fit on you ?” 

Smiling at the girl, you wink at Billy who’s automatically smile back at the challenge.  

“ That, Summer it’s why is always important to have a needle, safety pins and some creativity” You respond, putting your left arm in the sleeve of the white shirt. 

Your knees are weak and your heart was racing in your chest. When, at only a few inches of the colorful stage, you put the strap of Dewey guitar on your shoulder. You knew that the guitar wasn’t really heavier. But, you still feel it like it hadn’t the same weight that the last time Dewey put it in your hand.Few months ago, in one of your movie nights, he had insisted to hear you play, even if you had protested that you weren't great like him. It was that night too, after watching you play on his precious guitar that he had kissed you for the first time. 

“ And now, please welcome THE SCHOOL OF ROCK !” 

Taking a deep breath, you gave a look at the small faces of these group of talented child, summoning the inner Dewey whose sleep in you and step on stage.

*******

Dewey was running as fast as he can, showing his backstage pass at every bodyguard trying to stop him. In his pocket, the large and heavy coin of Lawrence was bouncing at each move. 

He was almost at the end of one of the side corridors leading to the backstage when he heard it. The first chord of Teacher pet like only Zach knew to do it, and then, the second guitar. The first feeling punch him in the stomach, they replace him, like his previous band. Then, jealousy, anger and finally the guilt. It was is idea to go get the item of Lawrence. They only do what they teach them : The show must always go on.   

It was only when he heard the feminine voice starting to sing that he starts to run again, changing the way of his trajectory. Open the first door at his right, ending in the front row, he lifted his head. 

There, wearing an identical uniform as his, minus the short who were substitute by a pencil black skirt, his girl was playing and signing like a fucking rock goddess. Holy shit, even his own guitar look better when you were playing with it on that outfit. Well, he had noticed that everything look better when he was with you, but dress like that you just look like a living dream. Or maybe he just discovers a new kink he have only for you. Damn it, one day he will truly have to marry you.

Jumping on place like the rest of the crowd, smiling and shouting, he waited for the end of the song before rushing backstage to put his spare uniform. 

You didn’t start the second song yet, waving at the clapping crowd, when he pop at the side on the stage. Smiling at you like the Cheshire cat. 

Rushing behind the curtain, you rapidly remove the guitar putting it in his hand. 

“ Omg baby you were amazing !!” Dewey shout, kissing you without letting you answer. “ and that uniform, where do you find it ?”  

“ It’s your uniform, now shut up and go, they wait for you !” You say laughing after his kiss. 

“ Keep it like that !!” He tell before jumping on stage. 

The rest of the night was perfect. The show had finished with two encores and everybody came back in the dressing room sweaty but, way more relaxed. 

Sit on the couch of the room, back in your jeans and shirt, you listen to Lawrence explaining to you his good luck coin. Once on stage, the first thing that Dewey did was giving him back his precious possession to the young pianist. 

Lifting your gaze, you saw Dewey coming at you. He had changed his costume to his previous AC/DC shirt but didn't succeed to get down is hair. 

“ Lawrence, your parents are there and they say it's time to give me back my girlfriend, oh and back home of course. See you Monday.” 

Smiling, the young musician jump on Dewey, giving him a last hug and a thanks before heading to his parents, waiting at the door. 

“ That coin is really important for him since his grandmother die. It’s not really have a relation with luck but, for him it’s real I think” You say, watching the now happy family left. 

“ No, I think it has something to do with luck too “ Your boyfriend insist. “ Every rock star have his kind of good luck charm, it was my guitar” 

“ Was ? “ You ask pushing yourself against his warm body. 

“ Well, after tonight that change a little. Nothing go wrong when you are here. You are maybe my good luck charm after all” 

Trying to hide your large grin, you put your mouth on his. 

“ Are my kiss are lucky too ? “ You playfully ask. 

“ Well I can’t wait to be home to discover it” Dewey joke, smiling. “ and please, don’t forget the uniform.” 

Laughing, your take you bag, kind of proud and amuse of your new statue of good luck charm.   

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

N/A : Like I said before, I wanted to do a little smut but, it ended up way too fluff and long to add it. So gave me a like or a comment if you want a smut second part.

 @beetlejuicecansteponme​

[purplesurveys]

418

Girly Do you like the color pink? It’s my favorite color. My phone case, wallet, purse, expander, water jug, two notebooks, backpack, pencilcase, clipboard, and paper clips are all pink. What have you spent more money on: a purse or a pair of shoes? Definitely shoes. I have one purse but I didn’t even spend on it, as it was a gift from my tita who was coming over to the Philippines. Do you ever wear heels? I have pairs of heels but people in the PH are so conservative and judgy that you can’t really dress up without them looking at you. As much as I want to wear my heels to places, I can only do so when I go to parties or other special occasions. What are the most stylish but uncomfortable shoes you own? I dunno, I find all of them pretty comfortable. Do you have any shoes you mostly only wear for photo shoots? No...I never have any photoshoots.

What's your all-time favorite lipstick (brand and color)? I don’t do makeup. Do you buy drugstore make-up or high-end make-up? What dog breed do you think you look the most like? Hahahahahahaha what omg

Do you like light blue jeans or dark blue jeans better? Light blue. I think they’re more trendy at the moment. What are your favorite type of pants to wear? I like my high-waisted ripped jeans! They’re super casual and can match any top. I wear it if I just want a chill day. What's the last good love story you read? I haven’t read those in a hot minute. Who is/was the most romantic of your friends? Jo I think, but I’m pretty sure it would be JM if he finally finds someone. Have you ever had a magical kiss? Always. Do you like kissing or hugs better? Hugs!!! Retro Do you own any records? No. I don’t have a turntable to play them on. Do you own a pair of bell-bottoms? Also no. I was never a fan. Have you ever tie-dyed anything? We had to tie-dye a shirt for a project in like sixth grade, but I’ve never done it just because I felt like it. What's one oldies song you like? We Didn’t Start the Fire. Do you think Disco is a cute name for a boy? Not at all. Poor kid. Do you own a lava lamp or disco ball? I own neither, but I wanted my own lava lamp really bad when I was like 14. Did you own a disco light when you were younger? I don’t think I did. Have you ever put a dime in a jukebox? Haven’t. The few times I ate at Johnny Rockets they had a jukebox, but I didn’t go near it because I was shy. When was the last time you went to the roller rink? We don’t have any here. Do you wear hoop earrings ever? I have a pair of clip-on hoop earrings I wear at least once a week. Do you own a kaleidoscope? No. I probably did when I was younger. Have you ever done hard drugs? No. Tumblr What are three of your favorite Starbucks drinks? Java chip frappe, caramel macchiato (iced or warm is fine), and peppermint mocha are my go-tos. Do you have photos on the wall in your room? Yeah but they’re nothing like the Tumblr aesthetic you’re probably asking for. I have frames of Audrey Hepburn on one wall and a poster of a Korean actor that I love, but that’s about it.   If you own/owned a Polaroid camera, which color would/do you have? I’ve never had one but my sister just bought her own Instax the other week that I plan to borrow. It’s brown if I remember correctly. Have you ever done a craft with a record? if so, what? No. I don’t think I’d want to put my hands on a record like that either. What's one of the best Tumblr-inspired craft projects you've seen? Meh. I haven’t seen the crafty side of Tumblr since 2010. Do you have a Tumblr account? I wonder. Which do you like better: Tumblr or Pinterest? Tumblr for surveys and memes, Pinterest for ideas. Do you have a mandala tapestry hanging in your home? No...that screams 2014 to me. Do you own any succulents? I never got into plants. Fake succulents or real succulents? Do you doodle on your notebook paper? When I get bored in class, yes. Do you own Sharpies? Mmmm no, I don’t really need them for anything. What's your favorite Sharpie color? What color are your Converse shoes? White. I used to have a pair of red high-top Chucks as tribute to AJ, but I think my mom threw them out already because I stopped wearing them. Have you ever made an inspiration board for your room? No. Who is the best-looking male celebrity? Gregory Peck. Boho Where would you like to travel to next? Thailand or Vietnam, hopefully! List three more vacations you would like to go on. I want to go back to Singapore, then go to those two I mentioned above. Where are three places you go to relax? My room, the beach, a cafe. Are you a musician, artist, or writer? None of these, but writer speaks to me the most. Do you believe in truth, freedom, and love? ...Sure. What is your favorite store at the mall? I don’t have one I normally go to. Would you hitchhike if people were generally trustworthy? If I had the time, yep. What's the most daring thing you've ever done? Every time I overtake or be an ass on the road (because everyone else is) always feels daring lmao. Would you ever belly dance at a faire? No. If you became famous, would you change your name to something exotic? Idk, that’s kinda racist/appropriating. What are five exotic names that you like? What exactly are exotic names???? Do you own a dreamcatcher? Yeah, I have a large one above my bed. Do you feel closer to God in nature? No. Fashion What are five things that were in style when you were in high school? Roshes, ripped jeans, crop tops, statement shirts lmao, and hoodies. What does your favorite scarf that you've made look like? I don’t need scarves and more so have I not made my own. Do you wear scarves? No. It’s too hot for scarves. List the different colors of jeggings and/or skinny jeans that you have. White, black, dark blue, light blue, khaki. What color is your favorite pair of shorts? Black. What color is your favorite sweater? The XXL one Gabie gave me to use whenever I miss her is gray. List five people whom you think have great style. Audrey Hepburn, one of the profs in my college that has an impeccable wardrobe, Kate, Sophia, and tbh my aunts.

List five of some of the worst trends you've seen. I don’t feel like it. List five items on your current wardrobe wish list. More heels, high-waisted shorts, a new jumpsuit, a party dress for the year-end college party in May, and tube tops. Where do you shop the most for clothes? H&M. Do you own anything leopard print? No. Never. Do you wear earmuffs? I don’t need them. What color are your favorite pair of boots? I don’t really wear boots. Music What song makes you cry? Recently, it’s Louis Tomlinson’s singles- at least the ones dedicated to his mom. What could be the theme song to your life? That’s a pretty bold claim...but uhhh probably Misguided Ghosts by Paramore. What is a good break-up song? Walking in the Wind, One Direction. What song makes you want to dance? Any high-energy Beyonce song tbh. What is one of your all-time favorite songs? From Eden, Hozier. What is your current favorite song? Three straight surveys that this was asked. Talk, by Khalid. Which show has a great theme song? I don’t watch a lot of shows, so I wouldn’t know. Which song is so catchy it's easy to get stuck in your head? Depends on my mood and what my head prefers to play at the moment. Which song is used in a lot of youtube videos? Royalty-free ones? Idk. Which song is sad? The entire soundtrack of New Moon lmao. Who makes great song covers on YouTube? I don’t like covers. Who is one of the best songwriters? HOZIER Who has a beautiful voice? Also Hozier. Who made it big fast? Idk, it’s pretty easy to make it big fast nowadays thanks to social media. Arts and Crafts List five DIY youtubers you love to watch. I hate DIY YouTube. Who makes the best craft videos? Have you ever painted rocks and hid them in your town? No. Even if I had the time to, the idea doesn’t sound exciting. What craft project is harder than it looks? All of them, I would guess. Have you ever got hot glue stuck to your hands? Nooooo no no, that’s one of my biggest fears. Are you messy when it comes to painting? I’m messy in and out of painting. What color is your cutting board? Would you rather build something or decorate something? I’d rather buy something that’s already built and decorated. Just really not an artsy person so this category is not for me haha. Have you ever painted something on canvas? Never. I couldn’t, even if I tried. List a few of your favorite painters. Monet. Do you love the brand Natural Life? I don’t think I recognize the name. Do you love the brand Lisa Frank? Yessssss my girl Lisa used to be the bomb dot com. Oil pastels or chalk pastels? Which do you prefer, and why? Oil...they look nicer for me? And I’ve never heard of chalk pastels until now. Glitter gel pens or regular gel pens? Glitter. Colored pencil or regular pencil? Colored pencils, because I love coloring books. Charcoal or colored chalk? Chalk. Charcoal is messy. Painting or drawing? I hate both. Painting that shows brushstrokes or painting that looks like a photograph? I’d rather see the brushstrokes. Knitting or crocheting? I hate them both too. Sewing on a machine or doing embroidery by hand? Color or black-and-white? Color. Digital photography or film photography? Classic film.

[dykedykegooses]

i'm askin u every single even numbered question for the lesbian ask game

at least you didnt bother with the algebra this time, for which i am thankful

Femme or butch?

i’m more femme but i try to act butch sometimes and i just end up failing hopelessly. ‘look mom i know how to put air in a tire!!’ ‘peyton thats like… not even right’ or ‘oh SHIT look at that blitz!! that was cool’ ‘peyton that was a sack’ ‘oh’

Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it

not really, mostly just like… humor. if u funny we click

Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

why not both?

no but seriously plaid tbh

Describe your style

um yes

converse, (ripped? sometimes) jeans, and whatever top i feel is appropriate for the Big Aesthetic today

Describe your aesthetic

yes

ive tried going more punk but its just kinda , not worked

my physical aesthetic is very adultolescent. i got chub and look like a freshman but ive been told i pass as a college senior so like

my Big Mood aesthetic is yes

Favorite article of clothing?

either my converse or my “”combat boots”” (theyre not and it makes me sound like an edgelord just saying that) (can you tell im gay)

OH WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT MY JEAN JACKET its like baggy and light and ive started sewing patches from my favorite bands on it (super punk right)

Favorite pair of shoes?

^^^

oh my black strappy heels, theyre surprisingly comfortable

Current haircut?

ive got a bleached bob rn

Any haircut goals for the future?

i kinda want a pixie cut bc i cant handle long hair however long hair is so PRETTY and wow

Describe the best date you’ve been on

iiiiiiiiii dont really know. ive been on very few. i have a Perfect Date in mind, and i guess my favorite was my first date with my ex. we had gotten back from a successful science competition (HAVE I MADE IT OBVIOUS IM A NERD YET IM A BIG OL NERD) and it was like midnight by the time we got back and we were both starving so we went to taco bell and just sat there talking and laughing and i know we were pissing off the staff, but we stayed til like two in the morning and we went home and honestly we both considered it a date but we didnt like… tell each other it was a date? if that makes sense? idk honestly im triggered

Describe the worst date you’ve been on

ugh oh god i went on a tinder date and this girl like in the DMs was like ‘hey do u smoke weed’ and im like ‘lol no’ and then like we made plans to meet up at a coffee shop and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed and im like……………. no and shes like ‘oh right lol’ well THIS BITCH sleeps through the time we were supposed to meet, completely stands me up, and then texts me back like an hour later and was like ‘omg im sorry i overslept!!!’ and it was like….. noon but ok so we meet up after my class and we just sit there really awkwardly trying to make conversation and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed im like ‘honey no i dont’ and we just talked about drugs for a while and when i left because i had to gtfo she like gave me an awkward hug and like i sent a text later that night bc im courteous and im like ‘hey i had a great time today’ (i didnt) ‘lmk if you ever want to meet up again!!’ and she just. ignored me lol.

Single? Taken?

im currently in a polyamorous relationship with myself and my anxiety

If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

:)

If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?

someone who’s able to make me laugh and deal with my bad ideas and will let me cook for her and wants to travel the world with me

Describe your dream wedding

its small. outside. maybe in a field or in front of a lake. i dont personally want a big ballgown, just a short white dress will do. lavenders everywhere. R A I N B O W  C A K E. reception where we slow dance to all the sappy romance songs. its great.

Do you want kids?

not really, but ive considered being a foster parent. i feel like im here to do good; i don’t want to have my own biological children, and im not sure i want to have the permanent responsibility of adopting a kid, but i feel i could handle fostering once we’re financially stable and have the room to accept children into our home.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

spain, definitely. somewhere in the north. i want to have a small farm with goats and chickens and vegetables and i want to be away from this american mess.

Favorite lesbian movie?

well ysee…………. the only two explicitly lesbian movies ive seen have been ‘all about E’ and ‘blue is the warmest color’ and i didnt like either of the lmfaoooo i prefer watching lesbian television shows tbqh (or, most commonly, just rewriting all the female characters in my head to be sapphic sooooooo dont @ me)

Favorite lesbian novel/story?

i mean same as above, i dont read as much as i like to. however, i did read “georgia peaches and other forbidden fruit” and that was Really Good and i did read another that was slightly better, but i forget the name but it was about a pakistani (?) girl who was struggling to come out to her parents bc they were very traditionalist but she joins the theater and her like really elite school and the girl she had a crush on basically outs her and is a bitch about it and GOD i wish i could remember it because it was really good

Favorite lesbian song?

ummmmmmmmmmmm i just recently listened to ‘honey’ by kehlani and that was pretty good and pretty gay, but my personal favorite is ‘girls’ by beatrice eli bc holy shit what a Mood

Favorite lesbian musician?

i love mary lambert and beatrice eli.

What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any?

ummmmm now that im thinking of them i cant think of any. i used to play softball and soccer? i love cats. i immediately start planning out the next five years of our lives together anytime im remotely interested in a girl?

Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i mean………………. no

If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?

well bake cookies w me and lets go for a walk & go out and watch the stars at night in the bed of a truck

Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

I LOVE LOVING GIRLS!!!!!! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT BEING A LESBIAN!!!!!! GIRLS ARE FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!

Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?

why not both

idk ive never had a cat but i know i lov them

Turn ons?

i.......... dont know

yes

im gay

Turn offs?

long nails youch theyre pretty to look at but i mean at what price

not having anything to talk about

putting yourself down like a lot (i went on a date w this one girl and that was all she did like the entire date like......... im sorry ? :(???)

Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

if im being honest i would love for someone to ask me out but since that is Very Unlikely, i tend to be the one to message first and initiate dates and stuff

What is your dream career?

i want to be a psychological researcher in the field of social comparative psychology how sick is that!!!!! just play with dogs all day and record whether or not they boop their noses on a screen

also i wanna be a farmer and a bookstore owner but thats Farther down the line like , when im 50

Talk about your interests or hobbies!

im honestly such a psych nerd i love psychology what the fuck!! its so interesting like ppl are weird man idk brains are weird

im also having a really big green day phase like billie .. he so smol... and also anyone who wants to bash warning or the trilogy can fight me ok those are like My Favorite Albums

im going to a concert in february to see declan mckenna, a Giant Meme

im getting a tattoo w some lyrics of declan’s actually its gonna be sick

What is the most attractive quality a woman can have?

yes

idk for me its being able to have quick, witty, skillful jokes i just love listening to girls talk and tell stories and jokes like wow im gay

also long curly hair? thats always a Solid Look

Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

i mean. do we really wanna open this can of worms rn

too late, its open

i get those microcrushes where you like see a girl and youre like ‘WOW IM GAY DATE ME’ however once it comes to actually being in a relationship i throw my full weight behind it and worry that im being too suffocating or that im pushing my boundaries etc and ive been told that makes me come off really cold and uncaring so lol choose ur own adventure, you decide

Ever fallen for your best-friend?

unfortunately

Ever fallen for a straight girl?

can you even call yourself a lesbian if you havent

The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)

i havent seen it, im such a fake lesbian

Favorite comfort food?

mac n cheese

or pizza

or cheesy potatos

OR CHEESY TOAST

scientific conclusion: im a fatass

Coffee or tea?

coffer

Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

im vegetarian!! have been on and off for like two years now

Do you have any pets?

i have one pup sittin right next to me and shes the prettiest girl in the world

Early-riser or night-owl?

yes

idk i get up at like 9 which is early for me but not as early as like. 5. so

more like night-owl. thanks teenage hormones!

What is your sign?

pisces

Can you drive?

yes

can i drive well?

no

but i do have a sense of direction so thats cool

Who was your first lesbian crush?

tbh.................... my best friend, but i didnt realize it was a crush at the time

the first Gay Crush i had that i knew was a crush was on my close friend at the time, now my ex girlfriend

At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

uhhhhhhhhhh lesbian specifically, like 15-16. queer, i knew in like fall semester freshman year (so like 13??)

At what age did you come out (if you have)?

i mean, i come out to people all the time. first time i came out explicitly as a lesbian was when i was like 15 or 16 (actually i came out to a close straight friend and my ex and they both said ‘congrats’ like it was weird but very nice) and the first time i came out as queer/questioning was to my then-best friend at like 13 and i came out to my mom (involuntarily) at like 17? ish?

Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

yes im crushing on every girl simultaneously at all times

just kidding

(not really)

i dont really have any explicit crushes that i can think of im just really gay

Talk about how your day went

it was fine. got free froyo so that was cool. found out i made an A on my bio practical, so that was cool too. however, i wore a crop top and it was like 55 degrees out and raining so i looked like a total Idiot but yk follow ur slutty gay dreams amiright ladies

Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

most of mine are career-centric, but a few are personal.

i wanna go to costa rica in may, i wanna go to yale over the summer, i wanna go to NYC pride in june, i wanna go to spain after i graduate, i wanna go to grad school, i wanna be a psychological researcher, i wanna move to spain or england or hell even france, i wanna have my own farm with the woman i love, i wanna own an LGBT bookstore/library, i wanna just live a quiet life near the sea and not have to worry so much after a while.

Least favorite gay celebrity?

this is a weird one to end on, but iiiiiiim not sure i have one? i can tell you ellen page is probably my favorite, but i cant think of many i dislike so

[howblunt]

1-98 weird asks!

First off: Thank you so much! I’m very excited to answer all of these :) 

Second off: Let’s begin

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? 

Coffee Mugs 

 2. chocolate bars or lollipops? 

lollipops for sure 

 3. bubblegum or cotton candy? 

bubblegum! (though i do love cotton candy)

 4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? 

honestly I’m not sure. I’m sure it was something about me being quite and bad at participating 

 5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? 

(reusable) Plastic cups 

 6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? 

I love the look of pastel 

but I think I dress more preppy ? with a hint of grunge(maybe goth) 

 7. earbuds or headphones?

I wear earbuds more often but I do prefer headphones 

 8. movies or tv shows? 

MOVIES

 9. favorite smell in the summer? 

how the pool smells and sunscreen 

 10. game you were best at in p.e.? 

none. P.E. was awful.

Stick to the back and hope the ball doesn’t come at me, that’s how I lived. 

 11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? 

Cereal. I am a simple woman 

 12. name of your favorite playlist? 

currently it is my “Jean + Scott angst (and love)” playlist off spotify 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3VAC9t28sIrgO7Y4os5a34

 13. lanyard or key ring? 

key ring 

 14. favorite non-chocolate candy? 

anything gummy but more specifically gummy worms 

 15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

Wide Sargasso Sea 

If you like Gothic novels with some unrequited love and desire… hit this book up. Look up the plot of Jane Erye first.. it’s like a prequel. Btw I hated Jane Erye. But love Wide Sargasso Sea. Lots of symbolism and even witch craft 

 16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Legs stretched out, both on the ground 

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

My black tennis shoes. Very comfortable 

 18. ideal weather? 

Fall weather. Wind and sunshine 

 19. sleeping position?

Usually on my right side. But I wake up on my back

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? 

Laptop

 21. obsession from childhood?

Barbie dolls! and my little pony+ littlest pet shop 

 22. role model? 

This is a hard one because I don’t really have anyone. But I guess Dan Aykroyd (my senior quote is from him) 

 23. strange habits? 

biting the inside of my mouth, fidgeting + folding up papers that are given to me (like in mass), and chewing my straws 

 24. favorite crystal? 

Rose quartz and orange Calcite

 25. first song you remember hearing?

Here Comes the Sun

My mom used to sing it in the morning to wake up my sister and me 

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? 

Swim

Or walk/ride my bike to the library 

 27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

curl up in a blanket and stay inside 

 28. five songs to describe you? 

(In no order)

Not Today by Twenty One Pilots 

Wow, I’m Not Crazy by AJR 

xanny by Billie Eilish 

I’m In Love With My Car by Queen

Why Do You Feel So Down by Declan McKenna 

 29. best way to bond with you? 

Going shopping (clothes or other). This way we can chat and also have something to do 

 30. places that you find sacred?

The library and church 

 31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? 

idk full outfit but my black pleated skirt makes me feel good 

 32. top five favorite vines? 

In no order

*girl vapes* wow

I smell like beef 

Lets’s tell each other secrets. I’ll go first, I hate you. 

Chris is that a weed?!

This is how I enter my house. What’s up fuckers?! 

 33. most used phrase in your phone? 

omg

 34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? 

that one for the shampoo made for curly hair. and it goes “That’s curl power”

 35. average time you fall asleep? 

11 or 12 during the week. 1 or 2 for weekends 

 36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? 

Rage comics. idk which specifically. But i used to run a rage comic meme account. I was pretty popular ;)

37. suitcase or duffel bag? 

suitcase

 38. lemonade or tea? 

lemonade (though i do LOVE tea)

 39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon cakes 

 40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?  

omg so. There was this girl who told on this other girl for cheating on a test. Then like the whole grade just ganged up on this other girl and started calling her “the snitch” because the cheater’s friend group started saying “snitches get stitches” (lol even tho i went to an all girls, majority white + prissy + upper class, catholic school but go off) that went on for too long.

at some party they started to chant “snitches get stitches” 

the girl who started the chant then got suspended 

41. last person you texted? 

my ex. (it was a good breakup) 

 42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? 

jacket pockets 

 43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? 

hoodie 

 44. favorite scent for soap?

strawberry 

 45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

sci-fi (lmao x-men is under sci-fi at the library. so it counts) 

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? 

XL t-shirt from giving blood and some very loose pajama shorts 

 47. favorite type of cheese?

American

 48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? 

Mango (I eat enough to turn into one)

 49. what saying or quote do you live by? 

“Comparison will kill you”

 50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

OMG so there was this big spider web. And me and a friend thought it would be funny to call another friend over. And then be like “’lol u just walked passed a huge spider”–we didn’t think she would walk into it or near it because it was right by the edge of a lake we were by. So we call her over and this girl starts sprinting over toward us and RIGHT toward the spider web, and she had this big smile. And my friend and I yelled at her to stop. And when we were laughing saying she was about to run into a spider web and showed her the big spider, she began to freak out (maybe even cry). 

She was okay after the shock and fear wore off. 

I literally have tears in my eyes from typing this 

 51. current stresses? 

My friend moving away really far 

Starting school

making new friends 

 52. favorite font? 

I honestly don’t have one

 53. what is the current state of your hands? 

kinda dry

 54. what did you learn from your first job?

That I really love kids

 55. favorite fairy tale? 

Little Red Riding Hood and Rapunzel 

 56. favorite tradition?

Every one of my family’s Christmas traditions 

 57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? 

My self doubt

sharing my art + writing 

My self confidence + learning my worth 

 58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I can play the piano

I can draw and paint

I can embroider and sew (not well but I have fun)

I can write pretty creative stories 

 59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“Oh gosh, now what?”

 60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? 

Magical Girl Anime

 61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

Darjeeling Limited directed by Wes Anderson: “What’s wrong with you?” / “Let me think about that. I’ll tell you the next time I see you.” / “Sure, tell me then.” / “Thanks for using me.” / “You’re Welcome.” 

 62. seven characters you relate to?

Will from Stranger Things (with the whole not wanting to give up “childish things” and other stuff his friends are growing out of)

David Wong from John Dies at the End (with how he handles the situation and thinks)

Molly from Booksmart (not the going to a great college or being super smart + looking down on people part. But wanting to go to a party and flirt with cute boys)

Erin from Derry Girls (Tbh, I relate to all the main girls in this show)

Eric from That 70s Show (sometimes)

A mix between Ben and Andy from Parks and Rec

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Good Old Fashion Lover Boy by Queen 

Dance, Baby! by Boy Pablo 

Hooked On A Feeling by Blue Swede 

Fake Happy by Paramore 

Sober Up by AJR

 64. favorite website from your childhood? 

Club Penguin and Webkinz 

 65. any permanent scars?

On my knees from falling as a child. A small scar under my eye from a dog bite 

66. favorite flower(s)? 

Roses and Daisies 

 67. good luck charms?  

I wear this necklace a friend gave me when I am nervous 

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Green Tea flavored Mochi is kinda nasty to me

 69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? 

Dan Aykroyd lost his wallet that he always kept chained to his belt. He was freaking out and searching all over while John Belushi was laughing his butt off

 70. left or right handed?

right 

 71. least favorite pattern?

anything with too many circles / holes 

72. worst subject? 

Anything Science related 

 73. favorite weird flavor combo?

idk but do NOT try lemonade with Doritos. it taste like throw up 

I’ve made this mistake twice 

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

it has to be an 7 or so

 75. when did you lose your first tooth? 

gosh, i’m not sure 

 76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? 

tator tots 

 77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

this is a question for my sister 

 78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

I regularly buy sushi from a grocery store so that works 

the grocery store I go to has a sushi bar and has fresh sushi every day 

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

tbh they both looks kinda good.. not to BRAG. but i guess driver’s license 

 80. earth tones or jewel tones? 

Earth tones

 81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies 

 82. pc or console? 

pc 

 83. writing or drawing?

BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH

both

 84. podcasts or talk radio? 

podcast – no commercials 

 84. barbie or polly pocket? 

Barbie all the WAY! Though I do love me a good polly pocket 

 85. fairy tales or mythology?

Fair Tales

 86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies

though i like making cupcakes more 

 87. your greatest fear?

Being kidnapped and never being found 

 88. your greatest wish?

To find my ideal man

 89. who would you put before everyone else? 

Anyone in my family 

 90. luckiest mistake?

Thinking a test is sooner so I study. But then ending up having another day to study as well. 

91. boxes or bags?

Boxes 

 92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? 

lamps 

(maybe some fairy lights in the background) 

 93. nicknames?

My real name is Veronica but I go by Ronni

Ron Ron, Gonni, Ronica 

 94. favorite season? 

Fall 

 95. favorite app on your phone? 

music 

 96. desktop background? 

I’m a Kaneki slut (Tokyo Ghoul) 

 97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

two

 98. favorite historical era?

style wise: 1800 rococo -- Marie Antoinette period 

media wise: 1970s  

[swearronchanel]

Tired of these yet? A Christmas journey in March with 4.09

I’ve actually been productive today *claps* I’m the worst™ and a procrastinator to the core, so it was about damn time I got shit done. Plus+ I ran out of clean jeans so that was some motivation to do laundry & once I started moving I just kept going haha. But today I watched the Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher’s memorial & omg it was so emotional ugh. Now that I’m so sad I guess I’m going to watch Call the Midwife. Care to join me?

I closed my eyes and pointed to the episode list, looks like we’re watching 4.09 aka the 2015 Christmas special

I don’t have to pretend very hard that it’s Christmas because it was like 17 degrees f the other day lol

Am I the only one who hums along in their head to the theme song? ok nvm

Aw a baby

Tom is actually in church lol, we rarely see him there

Sister MJ lol, what is she looking for?!

Sister Winifred actually cooks/bakes pretty often

SISTER EVANGELINA 😭💔 I still miss her

Sister Winifred aka queen of cringey facial expressions, I love it

Ah no! the death joke is no longer funny sister E 😭😭 rip💔

My bby Trixie on the scene😍

What is quality street? I looked it up before but forgot. Candy right?

whoops is my American showing

I hope Sister MC comes back soon☹️

“Behold, I have located the Brandy” three cheers for alcohol 🍻 I wouldn’t choose brandy though what am I a rich old business man at a country club?

Lol Sister MJ & Sister W giggling so pure !

“You give us enough gip when you’re stone cold sober“😂 same

Gremlin kids in the front haha

Oh no😂 Babs gave them all candy and now has to make them spit it out😂

Aw I love Christmas

But looking at this snow is triggering even if it’s fake😭😂

WE’VE HAD SO MUCH THIS MONTH HERE & IT’S MARCH❄️

yikes these kids are awful, who let them up there! 😭😂

SHELAGH’S FACE 😂 SHE IS DISGUSTED OMG HAHAA

Patrick laughing so hard like same 😭😂

Welp he’s lucky, Saved by the bell thanks to Trixie

Doesn’t Sister MJ explode whatever’s in the pot?

Ahh Shelagh looks so good™!😍 I love when they dress her up!

In other news, Laura tweeted me, which means she knows I exists. What a time to be alive™😭✨👏🏼you know I was shook

Angela so precious aww, I hope my future baby is that pretty

Now I just think of The Crown when I see Mrs Willens *she’s in it if you haven’t watched*

Oh no Sister MJ!!! 😭😭 why are they always giving her illnesses! Dejala sola!

She was legit ill in the first Christmas special 😭

Love Trixie’s ponytail, why Patsy’s hair a mess tho? LOL I SHOULDN’T BE TALKING

I’m a walking ball of frizz. And when I don’t wash my hair for a few days it actually dread locks 😂 gotta love curls

Aw Delia’s not here- I forgot she cracked her head open and went back to Wales

Protect Sister MJ at every cost

Violet literally sewing Fred’s ass into the Santa pants 😂😂😂 fun fact they  did that to Olivia Newton John in Grease

not sure if I knew that because I have a junk brain of useless information or because I’m trash that reads buzzfeed

Violet’s been wearing blue eyeshadow for 3 series

“I’m not biting this, it’s too close to your backside” lol okay vi give it time. You’ll be cringeyly very handsy with each other in a bit anyway 😂

She’d do it now with no hesitation I bet

I’m here for their relationship tho😂

SISTER MJ HAD PNEUMONIA IN SERIES 1 DID SHE NOT?

Ugh distaval, fuck that. Just wait and see what chaos it brings

Aw Pats looking at the photo of Delia💔 oo wait that was a parallel then in the Cuban missile Crisis episode this series

PHYLLIS !! I missed her presence lol

Tom’s opening letter from bbc it’s lit

also: he looks good™

Poor Sister MJ! What are they feeding you, liver ew

Ah I forgot, this is when they get the tv😭

Poor Babs can’t go home for Christmas

You’ll have the nonnatus fam❤️❤️

“All should head home” *breaks out into song* THERE’S NOOO PLACE LIKE HOMEEE, FOR THE HOLIDAYSSS

Which is true because NYC is pretty beautiful at Christmas time, I can’t deny that

But also is when 100000x more people are visiting 🙃and stop in front of you when you’re walking to take pictures 🙃 *clenches fists* moving on..

Lol Tom you need to be more clear on this, they’re not getting it

Sister J shut him down 😂

“Mrs Mop” lmfao this BBC guy is a jerk😂

Laura’s another queen of facial expressions

“Aesthetics are vital” I feel

Aw Shelagh so cute being defensive of the kids of poplar

Lets be real though Shelagh’s always adorable bc Laura is an actual angel

pink wafers aye

i still have been craving them lol, there’s no bodega’s around my university though☹️

Angela is giggling, was this the last time we heard her make a noise lol

Wait this is when Sister MJ runs away

yikes measles

when did the vaccine become a thing then? that mmr shot ugh

Glad I got it because there’s supposedly someone with mumps on my campus like wtf

Why was Sister E so harsh yelling at Sister Mj!? That was unnecessary !!

LET 👏🏼SISTER 👏🏼MJ 👏🏼DECORATE👏🏼FOR👏🏼CHRISTMAS 👏🏼AND👏🏼WATCH 👏🏼TELEVISON !!

I’m so protective of her, stop😢😢

She doesn’t deserve that 💔

Sometimes I forget Patsy’s name is Patience

Fred’s Santa beard is gross ew😂😂

yikes an enema

I’d rather die

Oh no, there she goes *sings* there she goessss todayyy

Yes Babs lollipops are fascinating

She just slipped that baby out

I want to go to London at Christmas time

I love lights ✨✨

Delia! What up Bitch where you been!

BUT WAIT I HAVE A COAT THAT LOOKS REALLY SIMILAR TO MRS BUBSY’S LOL

It’s vintage too, i love it, makes me feel fabulous af

until I remember it’s probably a dead woman’s coat

WATCHING THEM LET THE BABY JUST HANG MAKES ME SO ANXIOUS OMG

“You clever girl!”

Aw poor iris 😭💔

Violet is actually so sweet & we don’t see much of her w/o Fred like why 

Everyone on this show is so sweet and pure !!! I just love it too much!

remember when I was normal and didn’t care so much about television? Yea me neither 😅

Sister MJ is gone

ALL SHE WANTED WAS TO PUT UP THE TREE!!

that necklace and sapphire ring were so pretty though 😭 wish my mom had a sapphire ring for me to inherit 

Shelagh is too pretty for this grey suit, where’s the navy one?!

I will never be comfortable with cookies being called biscuits tbh

“No dogs!” “If it can’t sing silent night I’m not interested”  SHELAGH IS GOLDEN

SHE HAS SOME GREAT LINES BUT GIVE HER MORE !!

Oh Hay Peter

if you think about it Miranda Hart put this poor guy out of a job. Like he used to have more screen time lol but he can’t be around much with out her

“Very like a family in fact” 😭 I love when they call themselves family cause they are !!

Wait rehearsing before school? Ugh that must have been so early 😂

I couldn’t have been in that choir. In high school I woke up at 6:45am everyday & started at 8:05am & only lived 2 blocks away but I still got there at 9:15am 🙃

plus I’m an awful singer 😂

“She probably thought her habit would keep her safe”

Sister Mary Cynthia says that about her self the next series when she’s attacked 😢

Babs was right though! She was just excited bendito 😭😭

How much is a bob?? £??

I barely can keep up with how many $ is a £ tbh

Lolol had to check when I donated to Laura’s fundraising 😂😂

Delia has been with this big ass bun for 3 series as well

The cafe they’re in is aesthetically pleasing

so Delia’s mom is hella protective but didn’t notice she left to another town lol??

well I guess they’re even now since patsy left & then lost contact for a bit

LET ME TELL YOU, THE FIRST TIME I WATCHED THIS EPISODE I WAS SCREAMINGGG

I THOUGHT THEY HAD KILLED SISTER MJ AND WAS FREAKING TF OUT ™

I’m trying to think of what Phyllis’s hat reminds me of

I wanna say Mary Poppins 

IT’S NOT SISTER MJ👏🏼

I knew it wasn’t but still!!!

Is Shelagh wearing lipstick? i’m here for it!

but I don’t like her dress

@ wardrobe/costume ppl be nicer to my bby pls

“Well, there’s just a word that no-one likes singing. It’s in that line and it begins with a "b”’ 😂 lmaooo c'mon Tim 😂😂

He was talking about breast feeding like how many episodes ago why is he embarrassed now? 😂

Patrick laughing 😭 me as a parent tbh

Poor sickly Sister MJ 💔

My bbys Trixie and Shelagh are ¡interacting!! 💕😍

How do I get my hair to look like Trixie’s/Helen’s

SORRY CANCELED

Lol jk all will be well bby

SISTER MJ REALLY OUT HERE IN THE WOODS, LIKE HOW ??

Ah Shelagh’s dressed up again! Love it 😍 and she’s wearing earrings & matching pearls!! so pretty!! 💕💕

this has been an episode of gushing over Laura sorry not sorry

Look at her hat, she can wear anything

LMAO HE WASN’T EVEN PETER PAN GET OUT OF HERE MAN

You have to be impressed that this 80 yr old woman with dementia found her childhood home

for real though I want Shelagh’s coat

mrs willens + shelagh was kinda a friendship & was cute

“Well I stopped holding out against that happiness, didn’t I?"💔💖

people on this show are always holding hands platonically & romantically like how sweet and pure !?

"Almost all the world was before your time child … you are concerned to see it last a little longer”

Hell yea lets get it, round up the nuns and nurses lets SING !!

“But it sometimes seems to me the older I get, the more I have to learn” 😭

“We get so much out of love, we find strength in it and courage. Love is our foundation and our fuel”

DAMN IT WHY IS THE WRITING SO GREAT??!

HEIDI CAN WRITE MY EUOLGY SINCE SHE’LL BE THE CAUSE OF MY ACTUAL DEATH WHEN THIS SHOW IS  OVER ONE DAY *WHICH IS HOPEFULLY NEVER, ..I MEAN DAYS OF OUR LIVES IS ON SEASON 50 SO IT’S NOT IMPOSSIBLE🙃🙃*

shelagh and sister j❤️❤️ so pure. I love their relationship + moments together

BUT I STILL *NEED* TRIXIE & SHELAGH TO HAVE A REAL FRIENDSHIP + ACTUAL SCENES TOGETHER

no sister, it’s not your fault that she ran away😢

broadcast about to be lit

Why did we never see Trixie giving Barbara a makeup lesson😭😂

Trixie getting excited about putting makeup on Babs like same 😂I like helping people with makeup *even though I’m not even that good haha*

“Oh some lipstick might be nice, with a touch of gay geranium you’d look quite like Jean Simmons” SISTER W SNEAKS OUT TO THE MOVIE THEATRE ON HER DAYS OFF AND NO ONE WILL CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE OK

PHYLLIS GARGLING OMG

WHY IS IT SO FUNNY 😂

yea sister E I’m sorry you were kinda bitchy

I’m sorry to call a fictitious nun a bitch oops lol

SHE’S GOING TO REDEEM HERSELF AND FIND SISTER MJ THOUGH SO IT’S OKAY!! 😭👏🏼👏🏼

Tom is so handsome! i think the collar distracts you from noticing though haha

What does wet behind the ears mean and why does it sound cringey?

on the next episode of I didn’t know I was pregnant: Christmas miracles in Poplar

No but for real it seriously was a show on TLC😂 I had a phase where I watched like every show on that channel

“Antonia! Nanny found a bible in your room again” so?? like you wish she would’ve found drugs or something?

Ugh I don’t think Sister MJ will live 3 more series & I WILL BE A WRECK™ WHEN SHE DIES

Surprise! you’re pregnant & will give birth in the next 12 mins before this show ends

imagine omg never mind not feeling safe Iris I’d be freaking tf out

I told you sister Julienne just shows up and speaks and you just feel calm

“Love is not going to be halved, but doubled” I swear someone says this again in another episode but I can’t remember

maybe I’m lying idk

The Fred + Sister E dynamic was golden

what is Sister Evangelina holding?

it looks like a bong tbh

Sister MJ saying pawning her mother’s jewels was an “interesting experience"😂 dios te bengida, she needs to always be protected  

aw pats & deels reunited *and it feeelsss so gooddd*

Fred saying rigging this raffle is immoral like HE WASNT THE BIGGEST SCAMMER IN POPLAR

I was here for it though lol😂

Phyllis gargling 😂😂

Wait omg she has earrings on how precious!

I always notice when girls/women don’t have their ears pierced because I didn’t realize for the longest time that it’s mainly just hispanics that get their ears pierced when they’re babies😂 I’ve had mine since I was six weeks old👶🏼

"Beatrix Franklin, midwife of mystery” aka my bby and ray of sunshine✨😭

it’s all good though, Trixie has Christopher, Tom has Babs, now where’s my handsome Englishman??

cue Vanessa Redgrave

“Sometimes the route to joy is indirect, our journey home not quite as we expected. There is no magic star to guide our steps, no ancient prophecies to predict our way. The greatest gift is to know that we travel not alone, but in the company of others. That there are hands as can reach for and hearts to keep us warm..”

Laura’s angelic voice blessing™ me on this Saturday night

I need it after being degenerate every other day of the week

*sings loudly* CHRISTTTTTTTT THEEEE SAVIORRRR IS BORNNNNNN

AHH I WANT CHRISTMAS NOW ! + THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 

patsy lowkey snuggled up on Phyllis I love it

Trixie is serving looks in the corner 😍!

I still want those hoop earrings she has!

And they finally got a tv😭👏🏼

“And the family gathered round, watching their faces flicker black and white. Their very presence in the room an act of love, a welcome home”

*BANGS FISTS ON AN IMAGINARY TABLE* THIS SHOW IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND PURE AND IF YOU DISAGREE WE CAN FIGHT

I love it

Now I must go. until next time..

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

Quite honestly the bullet-point draft version of Too Aro Ace For This is better than the actual version, just because it’s so ridiculous, I mean I wrote most of it at 3 in the morning one night while crying so I feel like I should share it:

(if you are on mobile apologies, this was under a cut but yeah. Scroll through the nonsense at leisure.) (tumblr mobile glitches 90% of the time anyway)

TOO ARO ACE FOR THIS

(^idk if I'm gonna call it that or not that's just a working title)

(Anyway there was no way I was gonna be able to go without at least making a start on this thing which is essentially just three weird dreams I've had smushed together into a mess)

(I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELS ABOUT MY ARO ACE DAUGHTER OKAY AND I'M SO SORRY FOR MAKING HER SUFFER)

So anyway here is the meme format version of this story which first tricks you into thinking it's about Alix's watch but then tricks you into thinking it's rarepair hell but then tricks you into thinking it's about heartrate but then tricks you into thinking it's rarepair hell again and then tricks you into thinking it's about the love square but really, it's about this poor child figuring out she's hella aromantic asexual and finding her platonic soulmate

First it's a normal school Friday but Alix is in a really bad mood bc in the evening she will have to go to the opening event for her dad's new exhibit at the museum and it's gonna be posh and boring and also he basically guilt-tripped her into wearing a dress for it bc he commissioned Marinette to make the dress specially for her so now she has to wear it and she's LIVID

Kim is an idiot and challenges her to an arm wrestle and she says yes but then she's sure she's gonna lose bc she's not actually that strong, but then again she's filled with rage so maybe

Anyway she does win and everyone's like "whoa" *highkey terrified of her* and Kim's red in the face and demanding a rematch and she's like "don't be a sore loser you jerk"

Then in the evening when her family's getting ready to go to the Louvre her dad's like "k you're not allowed to take your phone bc otherwise you'll just be using it all the time, you're 15 now so you can't just mess around, also don't go gorging yourself at the snack table with Jalil the whole time in fact Jalil since you wanna be a museum curator person too you should stay by my side and see how it's done"

Jalil's like "I HAVE SO MUCH UNI HOMEWORK SAVE ME" but he agrees to come along anyway

Alix is like "well would you look at that, this dress is too long for me :) I would just trip over :) what a shame :) looks like I'll have to just wear a suit instead :) in fact I don't even have a suit so I'll have to wear like a hoodie and jeans :) isn't it just too bad :)"

The dad's like "actually I got Marinette to get you matching heels so if you wear them then you will be tall enough" and Alix is like "WHAT NO I'M NOT WEARING THOSE" *throws a temper tantrum*

Her dad's like "bleh you 15 year olds and your teenage hormonal mood swings" *checkmate* and Alix is seething but wears the heels (though she refuses POINT BLANK to wear makeup and anyway no one in the house knows how to do it lol) (also she's literally me lol)

But then she's like "I'll only come along if you let me bring my watch" and he's like "fine but don't spend the whole evening fiddling with it or I'll confiscate it"

Anyway Marinette was a Good Child who sewed pockets into the dress bc all dresses have a dire need of pockets so Alix puts the watch in there and then tries not to fall over in the heels (like she can balance easily on skates but just not heels... pal trust me I used to ice skate fine but I could never wear heels and still can't so it's a thing okay)

Who needs HEELS when ya got HEELYS amirite

(Listen Alix totally wears Heelys all the time okay it's canon)

So they're at the thing at the Louvre and it's boring as hell (like remember that one scene in RWBY where Weiss Schnee is at that thing with her family and she hates it with every fibre of her being, in fact I'm guessing that episode probably inspired the dream that I lowkey based this part of the thing on lol)

Then at one point Alix feels that the watch in her pocket is getting really warm for some reason and she's like "????" bc it doesn't even run on electricity or anything

I mean I'm guessing it doesn't, idk how it works, looks like magic to me mate

So she's like "pssst Jalil come over here I need to show you something" so they sneak off to a room on the side and she opens the watch

It's really hot and the blue light from the hologram is pulsing like a beacon thing and it's really bright

She's like "do you have any idea what's going on with this thing" and he's like "idk sis it's your watch not mine" and she's like "but you're the history nerd" and he takes a closer look at it and says "nah I still have no idea why it's doing that, anyway I should get back now bc if dad notices I'm missing he'll be mad"

So they go back but it turns out their dad already noticed they were gone and he's like "frick's sake Alix I told you not to go goofing off and especially not to distract your brother, now go make yourself useful while I tell off Jalil, go say hello to Henri Duparc over there"

She's like "oh god no please I hate him" and her dad's like "just do it and don't make a scene okay"

(Henri Duparc is totally Jean Duparc's snobby nasty older cousin and I already hate his guts, I feel sorry for Jean for having to deal with him)

(But he's really rich and influential so everyone tries to stay on his good side bc he can literally make or break a person with his influence)

So she wobbles over on those heels (poor thing, how did she survive the Reflekta episode honestly) and is like "Good evening" *trying not to sound bored out of her mind/in a very bad mood*

Henri's like *snooty rich person voice* "Oh hello there Miss Kubdel, I didn't even realize you were here today because you're so ridiculously tiny even in your heels, which btw I am glad to see you wearing bc you finally look respectable for once"

She's like *clenches fist* "what's that supposed to mean" and he's like "well usually you're a complete mess and it's so unprofessional and lower class, but I'm glad to see you've finally outgrown your stupid childish tomboy phase and are actually behaving yourself for once, I hope you've put your rollerskating and aggressiveness behind you for good"

She's like "excuse me? What the hell is wrong with rollerskating or being a tomboy like how is that childish???" and he's like "well you're a girl so you should act like one" and Alix is like *trying so hard not to just punch him bc she's already had a bad day and her patience is ending* "so you think it's better for me to force myself to be whatever your idea of a girl is, rather than just being myself?"

He's like "ugh you may be wearing a dress but it sounds like you haven't changed at all, you shouldn't be talking back to me with that tone of voice young lady, you have a lot to learn about the world"

She's at the end of her tether but remembers her dad told her not to make a scene so she's like "scuse me gotta go" and hecks off to some empty corridor somewhere

She's had such a bad day and hates that everyone's always trying to get her to be someone she's not for no relevant reason at all and she's feeling restricted etc (and okay also she's 15 so her mood may not quite be on balance) so she starts crying angry tears a lil bit

She storms into one of the side rooms and suddenly runs head first into Chat Noir of all people

He's all like "omg Alix is that you??? Whoa you look-" and she's all like "I KNOW I LOOK GREAT I DON'T CARE JUST BE QUIET" and he's like "k k sorry... um... what's wrong? Are you crying?"

She's like "who cares, you won't understand" and he's like "lemme guess, events like this are stifling and boring as heck? And you gotta try so hard to fit in and be the Perfect Child and make your family proud and it's stressful and you can't be yourself? Is it something like that? Cause I know how it feels..."

She nods and starts crying into his chest (height difference amirite) in a semi-hug and he's internally like "frick she's cute" and externally like "well it's okay, you can talk to me about it if you want..."

She's about to say something but suddenly remembers that one time she killed him and feels really guilty so she just wipes her eyes and says "nah it's okay I'm fine now, anyway I should probably get back soon, maybe I'll get told off less that way... anyway what are you even doing here?"

He's like "well I was messing around with my baton and I seem to have accidentally unlocked a new setting thing and it's some kind of tracker? Idk it was leading me to this location so I decided to see what it was"

He pulls out his baton and presses some buttons and then he frowns like "huh that's weird... the thing the baton is tracking is in this very room but like... this is just an office, what could possibly be in here that's connected to my miraculous"

Alix takes the watch out of her pocket and opens it and it's glowing super brightly now so she's like "omg do you think it was tracking my watch? Bc this thing is behaving very weirdly this evening and idk why"

Chat's like "omg yeah it's the watch, that's really weird, I wonder why that's happening? Maybe I'll ask Plagg about it..." and Alix is like "who's Plagg?" and Chat's like "...nvm it's a long story"

Alix is like "well I should probably go back now but let me know if you find out anything important about my watch k" and she puts it back in her pocket and leaves quickly

When she gets back to the main room her dad's about to tell her off again for ditching again but he sees her red eyes so he's like "k fine just go to the snack table and eat lots of chocolate if you want, tho don't blame me if you get loads of spots" so she spends the rest of the evening binge-eating chocolate and feeling rather confused about the watch and also rather sorry for herself while also feeling guilty about feeling sorry for herself

(Hoo boy that's just gonna get worse...)

I mean we're not even up to the aro bits)

(And holy heck don't even get me started on the ace bits)

(my poor daughter has a very long way to go... earn your happy ending indeed... poor kid...)

When they get home that night her dad's like "are you okay" and she's like *already feeling guilty about literally everything she has ever done in her life ever even though she's perfect and has never done anything wrong* "I'm fine dw, I'm rly tired now goodnight" and goes straight to bed

The next day the family gets an invite to the Agreste mansion next weekend for a posh event thing bc of some new clothing line and they're like "huh how did that happen... probs bc Adrien is in your class???"

And the dad's like "Alix you don't have to go to this one if you don't want to" and she's like "thank you thank you thank you!!!" and then goes off rollerskating or something idk

On Monday at school Marinette's screeching like a fricking pterodactyl waving her phone around like "OMG ALIX YOU LOOKED SO STUNNING IN THAT DRESS OF MINE YOU WORE OMG AAAAAAAAA WHO KNEW YOU WERE THAT PRETTY YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL SO GAY I'M GONNA CRY EVERYONE LOOK AT THESE PICTURES"

Poor Alix is sinking into her seat like "kill me" while everyone's looking at the pictures like "ahhhh I never knew you were so gorgeous??? Why don't you put more effort into your appearance usually???"

Marinette's all like "Kim what do you think" and he's like "pffffft I totally definitely don't think she's cute or anything bc she's definitely not cute" and Marinette's like *shove* "oh come on admit she looked amazing" and Kim's like *blushing* "fine, if you say so!"

And then Marinette's like *stuttering* "h-hey Adrien, w-what do you think of the d-dress I made, did she l-look pretty in it?"

Adrien, being Chat Noir, already knows Alix was totally uncomfortable in that dress so he's like "well the dress is beautiful Marinette and you're really talented but like... she doesn't need a dress to look great? She looks fine how she is? Idk I like her normal aesthetic I think it suits her and she can dress how she wants"

Alix is internally like "oh thank god one person gets it at least, bless Adrien Agreste he's the only kid in this class I don't hate right now"

So later on she goes and finds him in the library like "thank you for appreciating my normal self" and he's like "oh no problem! I mean I totally get it... my father's always making me model his clothing line for him and people are always praising it but I don't feel like it's the real me"

She's like "omg that's exactly it! I literally only went to that thing bc I was forced to and I didn't even know Marinette was making that dress for me until it was already done so I had to wear it and I just hated every second of it, so to have people telling me I should be like that more often just feels awful"

 Adrien's like "ikr #richpeopleproblems... and this Sunday is the gala at my house and it's gonna suck bc the only person there I know is Chloé and you know what she's like... and I'll just have to be my dad's puppet the whole time... I mean I persuaded him to invite your family too and he did bc you're rich but like... I know you hate stuff like that so you probably won't go..."

Alix can tell he's trying to get her to feel sorry enough for him that she'll agree to come along but she just says "well yeah sorry I'm busy on Sunday, anyway I gotta go" and leaves

When she gets home she sees that there are like 5 new dresses in her room and apparently they're gifts from the Gabriel fashion line so that she can promote them whenever she goes to any museum events in the future or whatever and she realizes that's why Adrien's father agreed to inviting her family to the thing, it was all for business

And she's super annoyed bc DRESSES ARE SO IMPRACTICAL WHEN YOU WANNA SIT LIKE A COWBOY OR GO ROLLERSKATING OR CLIMBING TREES OR DOING ANYTHING EVER

That night she's supposed to be asleep but is probably playing 3DS Smash Bros or something when there's a tap on her window

She looks outside to see Chat Noir there and she opens it like "it's like 11PM wth are you doing here" and he's like "I really need to talk to you about your watch and I can't let anyone see or hear, can we go up to the roof of your house and you bring your watch"

She's like "I'm in my pyjamas" and he's like "that's literally an oversized tshirt and shorts" and she's like "well it's comfortable okay! But fine k tell me whatever it is" so she takes the watch and he uses his baton to take her to the roof

Then he's like "k well as you know I'm a magical superhero and I get my powers from this ring, well my kwami is the one who gives my ring the power to turn me into Chat Noir - basically a tiny little god that looks like a lil flying cat, his name is Plagg and he eats too much cheese. Well he thinks he has some details on your watch and why it's connected to my baton but he has to have a look at it to be sure. And to do that I'm gonna have to detransform and show you my civilian self. But you have to promise to keep it a secret bc I'm not really supposed to tell anyone (but I trust you...)"

She's like "uh okay sure"

Chat's like "Plagg, detransform me" and then he turns back into Adrien

 Alix is like "omg ADRIEN???????????" and he's like "haha yup it's me..." and she's like "but you're... you're in my class how could you possibly be Chat Noir??????" and he's like "well I've never been akumatized and I'm never around during akuma attacks and I'm always turning up late to class and..."

She's like "ok... whoa.... well um... that was very unexpected... wait a second, is that why you were being so nice to me at school today? Bc you saw me at the Louvre on Friday and you knew how upset I was??" and he's like "kinda... I mean I probably would have guessed you were upset about it anyway bc I do know how it feels..."

Then Plagg darts out of Adrien's shirt-jacket thing like "can I either get a look at that watch now or gimme cheese either is fine" and Alix is like "omg is this the kwami thing you were talking about? Omg this is hella rad actually"

She opens the watch and Plagg has a close look at it, then he's like "yup that's what I thought, this is Rania's watch" and Alix is like "Rania? Who's Rania? Omg is she one of my ancestors?"

Plagg's like "yeah probably. Basically Rania was a previous owner of the cat miraculous - a Chat Noire in the late 19th and early 20th century. She was the youngest kid in a huge watchmaking family and wasn't set to inherit anything at all so she raised a storm about it and then when she turned 15 her father gave her this watch he made specially for her. Since she had a pretty active lifestyle for a young lady back then she did a bit of tinkering and linked this watch up to the baton so that she always had a way of tracking it down in case she lost it."

Alix is like "aaaahhh omg that's so cool??? My ancestor was an actual Chat Noire??? And my own classmate is the current Chat Noir??? Okay I was having a bad week but I think you just changed that bc this is so fricking awesome holy moly thank you"

Plagg's like "k can I have cheese now" and Adrien's like "fine" *gives him Camembert* (I love Camembert too btw it tastes so flipping good)

Then Alix is like "wait but Adrien doesn't your schedule keep you hella busy all the time? How do you have time for saving Paris too??" and he's like "idk honestly, it's a nightmare sometimes... at least being Chat Noir is fun and I get to hang out with Ladybug a lot so that makes it worth it"

Alix is like "you know what... I'll go to your gala thing on Sunday" and Adrien's like "srsly you don't have to if you don't want to!" and she's like "I'm not just leaving you to the mercy of Chloé on what should be your day off when you're always having to deal with akumas she causes all the time, I'm gonna go and that's final" and he's like "thank"

Then she's like *looking at watch* "I guess the youngest child rule makes sense now, if Rania was the first to get the watch and she was salty about being the youngest and not inheriting anything..."

Plagg's like *stops suddenly in the middle of eating cheese* "what youngest child rule?" and Alix is like "the rule that the watch passes to the youngest child on their 15th birthday"

Plagg's like "huh I don't remember that being a rule... I mean it was a long time ago but I THINK Rania gave the watch to Leila... her OLDEST child..." and Alix is like "that can't be right bc my dad told me that..." *suddenly remembers her dad seems to think Jalil's an idiot* "wait... are you SURE she gave the watch to her oldest child"

Plagg's like "nah I'm not sure and I was put in stasis not long after that but I think she did, anyway there'll be some record of it somewhere bc she used to keep a diary, and if your family is as historical as Adrien says it is then maybe they'll still have her diaries somewhere"

Alix is like "well Jalil's the person I'll have to ask about that... thank you anyway... I should probably actually get to sleep now but uh good luck with the superhero stuff and I'll see you at school tomorrow"

 Adrien transforms back into Chat Noir and puts her back in her room and then leaves

The next morning before school she's like "Jalil can you pls help me out with something?" and he's like "I would love to but I have a project due at the end of this week and I'm already behind, I haven't slept all night and I'm on my 6th cup of coffee so uh can this wait til next week" and she's like "sure omg get some sleep you nerd"

She also tells her dad she'll go to the gala on Sunday and he's like "what brought about this sudden change of heart?" and she's like "well my friend Adrien's gonna be there so..." and he's like "ohhhh I see, well, if you like him then..." and she's like "NO NOT LIKE THAT" *the aro ace-ness begins*

Anyway at school that week she's usually never really had friends and mostly kept herself to herself but she finds herself hanging out with Adrien a lot bc obviously she knows his secret now so they just kinda end up friends automatically (BROTP AMIRITE)

And Adrien is glad for someone he can confide in about superhero stuff (bc as much as Nino is A PURE AND AMAZING CINNAMON ROLL WHO IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD, he doesn't know his pal is Chat Noir) but he's also remembering her standing on the roof barefoot in her "pyjamas" with her messy hair and arms crossed and that smirk on her face and he can't stop thinking about it bc he's a sap

 And he tries to just convince himself he's just intrigued to find out more about her family drama about the watch and whether the youngest child rule is true or not... yeah it's totally that, definitely not anything else, and the fact that he really really likes hanging out with her now has absolutely nothing to do with it

He's even tempted to go visit her again as Chat Noir in the night but he doesn't do that bc he knows it would be weird (this ain't no Marichat fic okay) (well alright Adrienette does happen later but like... on the side)

On Friday Chloé practically drapes herself over his desk like "Adri-chouuuuuu, I can't wait for Sunday it's gonna be so fun, just the two of us amirite" and he's like "well actually the Kubdels are invited too so Alix will be there" and Chloé's like "........" *undrapes herself and then whispers in his ear* "Adrien, remember it's not too long now until your 16th birthday... only a few months... you have a decision to make... and yes I know about it..."

And he's like suddenly drenched in cold sweat and nervous for the rest of the day and no one knows why except Chloé, and he's just thinking "HOW DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT THE THING WHICH I HAVE TO DECIDE BY MY 16TH BIRTHDAY OMG"

 And meanwhile Chloé's internally like "well if everything goes according to plan then no one will ever find out I'm a lesbian, perfect"

(She's my problematic lesbian daughter and I love her)

Sunday arrives and the dad's like "Jalil you can stay at home bc you've had like 5 total hours of sleep this week, and Alix you should wear one of the dresses that was specifically sent for you, and if you don't want to then of course you could just not go"

And she's very seriously contemplating not going but she promised Adrien she would so she just puts on the least flashy dress and the smallest possible heels and then they go to the Agreste mansion

Chloé was already there and like clinging onto Adrien's arm but as soon as he sees Alix he pushes Chloé off and goes to say hi

He's immediately like "omg Alix do you want me to show you round my house bc you've only ever seen the dining room (that one time at Christmas)" and she's like k and her dad's like "that's a good idea but don't take too long"

Gabriel's like "Adrien you can just stay here we have people to show the guests round if they really want to see anything" and Adrien's like "that would be weird bc Alix is my classmate, it's fine I'll do it myself" so he takes her upstairs to show her his room

Also Chloé's like *raises eyebrow* *goes and stands outside the door of his room with a glass of juice waiting*

Anyway Alix is immediately like "dude wth you have a skate ramp in your room omg I would kill a person for one of those and omg a rock climbing wall I would kill 2 maybe 3 people for one of those and if I wasn't wearing a dress I would have already climbed it"

Adrien's like "haha yeah those are pretty fun... anyway if you really wanna see the house I'll show you but honestly that was just an excuse for us to get away from Chloé and all the boringness so we can hang out without anyone bothering us or having to pretend to be stuck up rich people"

Alix is like "ahh omg that was a good plan thank you... though I probably shouldn't stay here too long bc my dad gets annoyed when I goof off too much bc I do it all the time and I'm apparently supposed to start trying to behave like a responsible adult now"

And they talk for a while more about #richkidproblems but then they hear Nathalie knocking on the door like "Adrien??? Are you there???"

Adrien's like *whispering* "frick if she finds out I've just been slacking in here the whole time I'm gonna be in so much trouble, quick hide before she comes in" and he pulls her into The Ladrien Bathroom (yeah I call it that... for obvious reasons...) and shuts the door just as Nathalie opens the bedroom door to look inside

Those two hide behind the shower section (lol I'm laughing bc... remember the Shower Scene in Jackady... jeez Ladybug control ur thirst) in the corner against the wall completely silent

Nathalie opens the bathroom door to look but doesn't see anyone so she closes it and goes away again

Anyway bc they're super close to each other and there is a pretty adorable height difference Adrien's internally like "FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK" and probably blushing too and his brain is screaming at him to move closer to her while also telling him not to and basically Adrien.exe has stopped working

And then she's like "uh... dude... are you gonna like... move or what..." *being obliviously aro ace like the darling she is* and Adrien.exe is still not responding so she just kinda awkwardly shoves him off her like "are you okay?"

He's like ".............uh-huh" and she's like "well you look like you've just eaten a chili or something" and he's like "nah it's just... is it me or is it hot in here?... hehe..."

She's like *still aro ace as heck like always* "it's just you. Anyway did you want anything else or should we head back now? I mean I've already been here long enough that I'm probably in trouble so..." and he's like "okay yeah let's head back..."

And internally he's realizing he's fallen for her and is highkey freaking out

They open the bathroom door to see Chloé standing there in the bedroom with an empty glass of juice and smirking evilly

She's like "well well well what do we have here..." and Adrien's like "I was totally just showing her round the house" and Chloé's like "that's funny bc I've been waiting outside your bedroom door since the second you went in, and you never left... must be really taking your time..."

Adrien's like "fine we were just bored okay? So we were hanging out in here instead... it's not a big deal... don't tell my dad..."

Chloé's like "oh don't worry I won't tell your dad you came in here bc you were bored... I think it'll be much more interesting if I tell both your parents - and everyone else while I'm at it - that you two are a couple, since I'm sure it's true anyway, ohohohohoho" *evil rich lady laugh* (I think it's called the noblewoman's laugh or something) and she runs off quickly

Adrien's like "welp I'm dead... are you dead???" and Alix is like "I think I'm partially dead... like I'm gonna be in so much trouble for messing around but then again my dad already thinks I was here just to hit on you... which I wasn't, btw, so don't worry" and Adrien's heart sinks just a tad

He's like "well my father was highkey hoping I would end up with Chloé, and I don't think he'd approve of me goofing off, and I just... yeah I'm definitely dead... idk how I'm gonna convince him Chloé's lying... well let's just get this over with..."

They go back to the atrium place or wherever and Gabriel's immediately like "Adrien can I talk to you" so he's like @himself "RIP Adrien" and goes off to talk to his father

And then Alix goes to her dad like "whatever Chloé told you was a lie okay you know what she's like" and her dad's like "hey it's okay if you're with Adrien, I was thinking it's about time you had a boyfriend I mean you'll be 16 soon right? But this is not the time nor the place to-" and she's like "Adrien is not my boyfriend omg!! He's just my friend! Chloé made that up bc she's a liar who likes messing with people's lives!"

Her dad's like "Fine I'll believe you but honestly if there's someone you like you can tell me, I'm not gonna be annoyed, but also stop going and hiding at the social events okay I know you hate it but if you want to hang out with your friend then just do it some other time" and she's like "k I'm sorry"

Meanwhile Adrien's talking to his dad and thinking "I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die..."

He first quickly says "Father I don't know exactly what Chloé told you but she might have been mistaken about..." and Gabriel's like "It doesn't matter what Chloé told me. Next time during one of these events you are staying by my side and are not allowed away without either Nathalie or your bodyguard accompanying you."

Adrien's like *le sigh* "yes father"

Then Gabriel's like "However... your 16th birthday is only a few months away. If you have not made a decision by the summer holidays then you know that Chloé Bourgeois will become the default choice. But... if you are wishing to explore other options before then, I will not be opposed to it. You know the guidelines."

Adrien's like *breaks out in a cold sweat again bc he was reminded of the thing* "yes, I see, thank you father..."

Gabriel's like "now let's get back to the gala, and this time you stay by my side. If you wish to talk to your friend... or girlfriend, if that's how it is... then you will do it in my presence until the event is over."

Adrien's like "well she's not my girlfriend but okay..." and they go back to the main room thing

Anyway Alix doesn't bother talking to him again for the rest of the thing except waving at him when she leaves later

When she gets home and into comfortable clothes she checks her phone and it's blown up with messages bc frickin Chloé really did tell everyone and they're all like "OMG IS THIS TRUE???" and Alix has to reply to a million people like "NO IT'S NOT TRUE CHLOÉ WAS JUST BEING A LYING JERK AS ALWAYS OKAY" and she doesn't even know if anyone believes her and she is NOT looking forward to school tomorrow

And sure enough the next day at school everyone keeps asking her about it and she's like "CHLOÉ'S A LIAR EVERYONE KNOWS THIS I MEAN OKAY SHE DOESN'T LIE AS MUCH AS LILA BUT STILL" and eventually most people believe her bc she's kinda scary lol

Adrien keeps sorta avoiding her bc he's trying super hard to not be crushing on her and she's like "????" about it and wondering why her friend won't talk to her today

She also starts feeling bad bc she knows she's bad at making friends so she wonders if she's done something wrong

At the end of the day he leaves the locker room super fast (even Nino's like "wut") and Alix gathers her stuff and quickly runs after him like "Adrien wait where are you going???" but when she gets to the street outside his limo is already leaving

She turns around and walks straight into Kim who's like "so tell me again how you and Adrien aren't a couple"

She's like "we're not, he's just my friend okay" and Kim's like "oh come on don't think I haven't noticed you two hanging out with each other all the time lately and always talking to each other, and you even went to his thing on the weekend with him even though you hate stuff like that, and now he's not talking to you for some reason"

Alix is like "yh idk why he's not talking to me but seriously he's just my friend okay!" and Kim's like "do you seriously actually promise he's just your friend and that you're not into him" and Alix is like *grabs the front of his hoodie and pulls him down to her level to yell at him and not noticing he's blushing* "yes for frick's sake that's what I told you, and anyway whether or not it's true, what does it mean to you? It's nothing to do with you so why do you even care so much??"

Kim is an idiot and just kisses her and then says "cause I like you" and runs off, meanwhile Alix is in shock and wondering whether or not she is justified in murdering him

Then on her way home she starts thinking about it like (yes finally here is where it starts getting obvious she's aro ace) she's thinking it's actually kinda flattering that Kim likes her? And she thinks that maybe if she dates him then she might end up liking him since that's what happens right? And he's considered conventionally hot right?

When she's at home she gets a phone call from him and he's like "aack I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that I'm an idiot and can we just pretend that never happened" and she's like "whatever it's no big deal just ask me next time k"

He's like "...next time?" and she's like "well since you said you like me I'm assuming that means you probably wanna kiss me again right?" (Internally "that's a normal people thing right?") and he's like "omg well... I mean... I don't really mind but like... I guess if you're okay with it then like... idk you could be my girlfriend or something idk just saying..."

She's like "sure why not" and he's like "omg really? I didn't actually expect you to say yes omg well okay should I like take you out to dinner or something?" and she's like "k sure"

When she gets back from dinner her father's back from work like "where were you" and she tells him and he immediately becomes #1 heartrate stan

Also she checks her phone and sees that Chloé has already told everyone that Alix and Kim are a couple bc she saw them kiss (bc it was like... out in the road it wasn't exactly easy to miss...) and this time she's like @everyone "yes Chloé's actually telling the truth this time lol"

And she tells Jalil about needing to find Rania's diaries and he says that all their old family items are in storage in the museum and he has the next two weeks off so he'll look for them once he gets back to work and Alix is like fine but she's impatient bc she cares more about finding out about that watch than anything else

The next day Chat Noir and Ladybug are patrolling at night and she's like "kitty you seem kinda off today, what's up"

Chat's like "oh it's nothing much, it's just this girl I like got with someone else, dw I'll get over it" and Ladybug's like *flirtily* "I thought you liked me" and he's like "yeah of course lol" and he remembers how much he does love Ladybug

He feels conflicted bc he knows he can never be with her bc of the Decision but he wishes he could at least have a chance

Since he isn't doing that great Ladybug tells him to go home early and she'll carry on by herself tonight

So he leaves and he detransforms into Adrien and he's walking back home when Ladybug drops down in front of him upside-down and is like *blushing* "h-hi Adrien what's up"

He (being oblivious and not realizing this is literally how Marinette talks to him) is like "lol nothing much haha..." and wonders why she treats him differently to how she treats Chat Noir

She asks if he needs her to accompany him home or something bc it's quite late and dark and he shouldn't be out alone and he's like "nah it's okay but thanks, I love you" and then he CAN'T BELIEVE HE JUST SAID THAT IT JUST SLIPPED OUT BC HE WAS TIRED

AND LADYBUG IS TAKEN ABACK

AND THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER WITH THEIR FACES SUPER CLOSE

AND THEN LADRIEN SPIDERMAN KISS HELL YEAH

AND THEN LADYBUG'S LIKE "I LOVE YOU TOO" AND LEAVES

Meanwhile the next few weeks Alix is still wondering why Adrien won't talk to her that much but she tries to just forget about it

And she's always confused about why Kim wants to spend so much time with her??? Like yes they're dating but like doesn't he have a life of his own??? And no one else seems to think it's weird???

And she has a habit of zoning out when he's talking about mushy stuff and he eventually catches on (he was like "since you're so ridiculously smol you'd have to like stand on a chair to make out it'd be hilarious...") and says "you're not listening are you?" and she's like "yh of course I was!... okay fine I was thinking about my watch sorry"

And now you finally see her proper (very aro ace) internal thoughts about stuff - she's still confused bc she's just never been interested in people like everyone else? And she used to think maybe she was a lesbian but she had never been interested in girls either? And since she's 15 her hormones should be all over the place and they are but only in a mood swing way and not in a horny way? So she's thinking... why can't she fall in love like everyone else does?? Is she missing out on something?? Bc Kim seems to be happy...

Also at some point mention that she tells Kim her first kiss wasn't actually him (it was Juleka but she doesn't say bc she doesn't want to out her) and Kim is annoyed bc he was sure it would have been him lol

After some weeks Jalil gets back to work experience at the museum and he finds Rania's diaries but there's a heck ton to sort through so he says it might still take some time (basically I just need a buffer period... there needs to be time...)

And then on Friday afternoon he tells Alix to come to the museum after school bc he's found the relevant part of the diaries so she comes along (and so does Kim bc he's just kinda there lol)

Meanwhile their dad's in a meeting so they can look at it without him knowing

Basically it says that yes Rania gave the watch to Leila who was her oldest child, but that's because she wanted to make something special by herself for her younger daughter Anna so she made a cool engraved pen thing and decided she would give that to Anna on her 15th birthday instead

Also there's an old timey photograph of the pen and it looks really familiar for some reason

Anyway now Alix knows the youngest child rule is fake so she feels like she should confront her dad about it or at least ask him or whatever

Jalil's staying late at the museum today bc he has to catch up on the work he missed while he was looking for Rania's diaries so Alix takes Kim back to her house and she has like 2 hours to kill before her dad gets back

And she wants to do something cool like rollerskating but Kim suggests making out and she's like fine even though she finds it pretty boring (I told you she's aro ace)

Anyway when her dad gets back Kim leaves like "btw you can come over to mine later today if you want ;)"

Then Alix is like @her dad "can I ask you about something" and he's like "sure but why are you standing on a chair" and she's like "NO REASON" and quickly steps down

Then she's like "why did you give the watch to me instead of Jalil?" and he's like "bc it's passed down to the youngest child" and she's like "...but that's not true, is it..."

He's like "k fine but like... Jalil will probably inherit stuff anyway right? So why not give you something too?" and she's like "but he loves historical stuff, he would have loved the watch just as much as I do and would have had more to research with it"

He's like "well... I just thought... since the watch has to be passed down through the family, that... well... you would be more likely to actually have kids to pass it onto... because..."

She's just like "is this because Jalil is gay?" and her dad's like "wth how do you know???" and she's like "he told me when I was like 9... So you're saying you didn't give him the watch bc he's gay so he won't have kids... and what makes you so sure I'm not gay too??"

He's like "well I just took a chance that you wouldn't be and I was right bc you have a boyfriend! So yeah I'm relieved, the bloodline is unbroken and the watch can still be passed down for generations"

She's like "dad... are you disappointed in Jalil" and the dad's like *FRICKIN HESITATES FOR A SECOND* "no of course not"

Alix is like "........ I'm going to Kim's house" and her dad's like "k well don't get back too late, call Jalil to pick you up if you need a lift back bc I have to go for another meeting tonight also be responsible and have fun etc"

As she's on the way to Kim's house she's starting to feel ever so slightly broken bc she knows she's not straight and she doesn't love Kim but she doesn't know what she is or why she can't feel anything

And now that there's more pressure than ever on her to be straight so she can have kids to pass the watch onto since that was enough of a reason for her dad to not give the watch to Jalil... she hadn't even realized it was such a big deal and she feels guilty even though it's not her fault

She also knows her dad's probably somewhat disappointed in her already bc she's so temperamental and reckless etc and not really what you'd expect from a daughter and yet he still trusted her with the watch and she feels like she should at least manage to do something to make him proud since she feels like she's just an ungrateful burden who has never really done anything

So she decides she's gonna try her hardest to be straight now even though like the idea of doing stuff like getting married and having kids actually suffocates her

She gets to Kim's house and tells him what happened with the watch drama and then says she'd rather forget about it for now so why don't they like put on a movie or something (bc that way she doesn't have to put any effort into pretending to be romantic)

So Kim's like "k yeah I've got netflix so like... we could put on netflix ... and... yknow... chill..."

(this is why I wanted like 5 weeks inbetween bc he's not gonna just ask something like that after only 2 weeks no matter how much of a reckless idiot he is)

And Alix catches the euphemism and her first thought is "THAT'S GROSS EW" but then she remembers her earlier promise to herself and figures that if other people want to do it and think it's fun then surely there must be some appeal? And maybe it'll flip a switch and make her normal? So she's like "yeah sure"

But then afterwards she goes to the bathroom and throws up so like ... uh... yeah, poor aro ace child who is also sex-repulsed

She vows never to do that again in her life

And then Kim's like "you okay?" and she's like "yup gotta go" and he's like "but it's a hailstorm outside you could always wait til like after dinner or something" and she's like "NOPE I'M LEAVING" and gets outta there asap

Walking through the hail she knows she should probably call Jalil to pick her up but she doesn't feel like talking to anyone so she just trudges along feeling VERY broken and VERY sorry for herself

She knows it didn't fix her and if anything it just made her more averse to the idea of ever being with anyone and she can't figure out why she's so heartless and prudish and she just highkey wants to die bc she feels like she'll never live up to anything she's supposed to be

Ladybug suddenly sees her like "omg Alix what are you doing in this hailstorm?? You should get to shelter!" and Alix is like "idc..."

Ladybug uses her yoyo to make a shield to block the hail like an umbrella and asks "yo what's wrong" and Alix is like "I did something really stupid and I regret it and I really hate myself right now" and Ladybug's like "aw it's okay, here, I'll take you home" and she picks her up and yoyos her back to her house

Alix goes in and Jalil sees her there drenched and shivering and he's like "omg Alix you could have asked me to pick you up??" and she just starts crying so he wraps her in a warm towel and makes soup for her

He's like "what happened?" and she's like "I don't wanna talk about it"

He's like "did Kim break up with you or something?" and she's like "no nothing like that he did nothing wrong it's something else but seriously I don't wanna talk about it, just let it go" and instead she tells him about the real reason their dad didn't give the watch to him

Jalil's like "k that makes sense thanks for telling me..."

The whole of the next day Alix spends in her room being emo and ignoring any messages Kim sends her bc she doesn't want to think about anything even though she knows she probably should talk to him at least once

Then on Sunday Max calls her up like "oi why are you ignoring Kim omg just go talk to him!!" and she's like "k fine... I was totally just busy haha... yeah... busy..." and Max is like "he went out for a run to that padlock bridge place so why don't you just go meet him there" so Alix is like k and skates there

Kim sees her and he's like "omg there you are! Are you okay??" and she's like (lying) "yeah I'm fine dw I was just busy and stuff"

He's like "k I'm glad to hear that... anyway uh actually I was gonna say that like... honestly it seems like you're always bored or not interested and stuff so like idk maybe we should just be friends instead if that makes you happier bc seriously you just seem like you're not interested in me so..."

She's like *remembers her dad is #1 heartrate stan* "wait what no! Haha of course I'm totally like head over heels for you... definitely..." and he's like "you're not a very good liar"

She's like "okay fine... fine I don't like you like that, I think you're cool but I'd rather be your friend... it's just..." *deep breath bc she's never told anyone before* "I figured out lately that I'm not exactly... straight... and idk what I am but like... I thought maybe dating you would kinda... idk... fix it? And bc I also found out that thing I told you about the watch, so if I'm not straight then I'll let my family down... and I'm sorry for like... using you I guess? Idk... I'm just really confused right now about myself..."

Kim hugs her and he's like "It's okay dw, I'll support you no matter what and we can still be great friends okay? In fact tbh I'm... I'm actually bisexual but I've only ever told Max... but yeah you're awesome and if you ever need anything then just ask me okay" and she's like "thanks, yeah let's just be friends that's better"

(lol you can tell this is my brotp can't you)

Anyway when Alix tells her dad she broke up with Kim he's like "but heartrate is my otp..." lol

And yeah next week at school everyone finds out idk it doesn't matter that much tbh

Then at some point Adrien is called to talk to his father about something important and he's thinking "ack what have I done now..."

Gabriel's like "son it's not long til your 16th birthday and we have to start making preparations for stuff which means I need you to make your decision soon. As you know it's family tradition that sons must be betrothed to someone by their 16th birthday, and since our family is wealthy you would do well to choose another wealthy suitor which is why the default choice has been Chloé Bourgeois since you were a young child. Now in order to make proper preparations you will need to make your final decision by the end of the school year."

Adrien's internally like "why can't we have cool family traditions like passing down a frickin hologram watch..." and externally like "but I don't want to marry Chloé, please father just let me have more time" and Gabriel's like "sorry son but there is nothing I can do, this is what your mother would have wanted"

Adrien knows he hasn't talked to his friend in a while but he suddenly remembers that she's single now so he's like "wait father... you said it has to be someone wealthy right? Would Alix Kubdel count?" and Gabriel's like "yes but she and her family must agree to it"

So Adrien decides he'll ask her bc he kinda still likes her and it's better than Chloé

Mostly he wishes he knew who Ladybug was and that she was rich and loved him back so he could just marry her

Meanwhile Kim asked out Max and they got together (bc kimax is life and also this story was seeming a little too straight for my liking so far... despite the title...) and Alix is starting to feel lonely again bc now she feels like a third wheel when hanging out with them so she doesn't

And she's back to having no real friends and it kinda hurts bc she thinks maybe she's just doomed to be bad at dealing with people in general

Also she's still feeling like something is very, very wrong with her since she just CAN'T fall in love with anyone even though everyone else seems to and now even when she makes new friends they leave her and she just feels alone and unhappy and doesn't know what to do

Jalil brought Rania's diaries home so she starts reading through them and at least it's some consolation for her to discover that Rania was very similar to her - fiery, impulsive, sporty, etc

But she still feels broken bc she knows that at least Rania got married and had kids so at least she must have been normal...

K so on some weekend or something Adrien calls up Alix like "uh can we meet up? I need to talk to you about something" and she's like "yeah sure" *glad that her old friend is back*

They go for a walk and stop by at Marinette's bakery for snacks (#letadrieneat2k16) (2k17??) and Marinette's all like stuttering and blushing and dropping stuff bc ADRIEN EEP

And then they go hang out in the park or something

Alix is like "it's weird how Marinette's always like that around you but no one else" and Adrien's like "yeah that's been confusing me too, idk why she does that" and Alix is like "maybe Chat Noir should ask her about it, hint hint" and Adrien's like "huh that's a good idea"

Then Adrien's like *deep breath* "okay and also I have to ask you about something... and it's really weird and awkward but um... basically my family has a family tradition too except my one is stupid, it's that the sons have to be betrothed to someone by the time they turn 16, I know it's really old-fashioned and stupid, but my mum wanted me to and I should honour her memory... Anyway my father says it has to be someone from a rich family, and ever since I was little Chloé has been the default choice and I don't really want to get engaged to her for obvious reasons haha... so I need to choose someone else and soon... so I was thinking... um..."

Alix is like "you want me to help you find a cute rich girl before you turn 16? Sure" (god she's so aro ace I'm going to cry)

Adrien's like "well actually... to tell the truth I've kinda liked you for a while... and you're rich... and I asked my father and he's fine with it... so I was wondering... if I could choose you instead?"

And it takes like 10 seconds to sink in and she's like "wait are you basically asking me to marry you?" and he's like "...well yeah I guess"

She suddenly feels incredibly guilty bc she knows if she says no then that'll doom Adrien to a life with Chloé but she CAN'T say yes bc the idea of being with someone like that for the rest of her life makes her feel sick to her stomach and she doesn't know if that makes her selfish but she's also upset bc she thought her friend was properly back but he just wanted to talk to her about this and it's ruined everything

And she knows saying yes would be what she'd do if she was perfect etc bc that would make Adrien and his family happy and her own family would be happy but she JUST CAN'T BECAUSE IT MAKES HER WANT TO KILL HERSELF

Adrien's like "btw you don't have to decide now I've still got like 2 weeks" but she says "I'm sorry Adrien BUT I JUST CAN'T OKAY, I JUST WANTED TO HAVE A FRIEND, I'M SORRY BUT I DON'T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT AND I KNOW I NEVER WILL" and leaves and goes back home and locks herself in her room and has a breakdown

Later Adrien's wishing he wasn't rich and he wishes his mother was still here and he wishes life was easier for him etc

He remembers Alix's suggestion about going to see Marinette as Chat Noir so even though it's late night now he transforms and goes to see her

(bet you weren't expecting a Marichat balcony scene, huh? Surprise!)

He knocks on the roof thing and Marinette opens it like "omg Chat Noir? What are you doing here? Is an akuma after me or something?"

He's like *surprised bc it's true she treats him differently to Adrien* "no I just wanted to talk to you about something, someone asked me to" so she's like k and they go out on the balcony to have a chat

He's like "so you know Adrien Agreste right? I believe he's a classmate of yours... Anyway he talked to me bc he's worried that he's doing something wrong. You still seem to treat him differently from how you treat everyone else, and he's wondering if you're still upset about the gum incident, or..."

Marinette's like "oh no, nothing like that! I forgave him for that a long time ago! It's actually, well, it's kinda stupid haha... I actually have a MASSIVE crush on him and I'm just really bad at talking to him bc I get flustered around him, that's all!"

Chat Noir's like "omg wait... you have a crush on Adrien??? Really???" and she's like "yeah!!" and he's like *suddenly realizing how cute Marinette is when she laughs* "well... I think you should ask him out..." and she's like "haha I'm trying..."

Then he's like "um I gotta go" and quickly leaves

He's hanging around the rooftops just thinking to himself that he never even let himself consider Marinette as someone to fall in love with bc he always thought maybe she didn't really like him so he always considered her out of his league

And now that he knows she likes him he suddenly can't get her out of his head and he just wishes she was rich bc that would be perfect but since she isn't rich he probably shouldn't get his hopes up bc how could he have a chance with her now...

He bumps into Ladybug who's like "hey kitty kat what's up" and he's immediately like "I just found out that there's this girl who has a crush on my civilian self and I think I'm starting to fall for her so yeah, that's what's up"

And he notices the colour draining from Ladybug's face and he's like "omg are you okay?? What happened??"

She grabs his shoulders and looks him in the eye like "is the girl you're talking about Marinette Dupain-Cheng???" and he's like "yeah how did you know?"

She's like "omg ADRIEN??? IT'S YOU??? YOU'RE CHAT NOIR??????????????" and he's like "wait what?? How did you figure that out?? I mean I am but..." *suddenly dawns on him* "omg... wait... don't tell me that YOU'RE MARINETTE??????????????"

They both stand there staring at each other in complete shock for several long seconds

Finally Chat suddenly smiles and he's like "I'm so glad that out of everyone it could be, it's you... Marinette..."

He detransforms and stands there in front of her as Adrien and she's still staring at him in shock

Then she very softly says "Tikki, detransform me" and turns into Marinette and still stands there staring

Then she jumps forward and wraps him in a huge hug

Also Tikki and Plagg are like "yoooooooooooo I haven't see you in years!!!!!!!" and totally hanging out too

That very night even though it's really late Adrien goes to his father and asks him "please I have something really important to ask... for my decision... what about Marinette Dupain-Cheng?? I know she isn't rich, but... PLEASE consider it..."

Gabriel's like "oh yes of course she'll do, she is an EXCELLENT fashion designer you know, she has a lot of talent and I would be glad to have someone like her to be a part of the family and run the company after me"

Adrien can barely believe his ears and he runs into his room and screams into his pillow bc finally he feels like he actually has a chance to have a good life that isn't always restricted all the time

The next day he meets up with her at the bakery and he gets down on one knee like "will you marry me" and she's like "um ily Adrien but I'm 15 and so are you... I don't even think we CAN legally get married yet..."

He explains the betrothal thing and that he doesn't have much time left but he'll understand if she says no bc it's a lot of pressure but she's like "well of course I say yes but I'll have to ask my parents haha"

She asks them and they talk to Gabriel Agreste and everything gets sorted out and the engagement party is planned for Adrien's birthday

At school they tell everyone while handing out the invitations and Adrien was worried Chloé was gonna be upset but she's like "Adrien I'm so happy you're gonna get to marry someone you really care about!" Then she whispers at him "btw I'm a lesbian so don't worry about having broken my heart or anything hehe" and he's like "whoa... okay... I didn't see that coming..."

Also Alix is like "I thought you said you had to marry someone rich" and he's like "my father made an exception for Marinette bc she's a fashion designer like him" and Alix is like "well I'm super happy for you... and SUPER relieved..."

But she knows now she's probably never getting her friend back properly, ever

Months later at the engagement party all the classmates are there and super happy to support Adrienette becoming canon (same omgggg it's my otp couldn't you tell)

The wedding won't be for years yet at least bc they're way too young lol but Gabriel's already started planning it

And Marinette designed outfits for all her classmates to wear today so they're all wearing those

Poor Alix is in a dress again, save her, anyway she's trying to feel happy but she really can't help feeling rotten bc at this point she has no friends and seeing Adrienette happen just reminds her of how she's not normal or whatever and she can't figure it out

Also by this time other class couples are together too like djwifi and Julerose and everyone's using this occasion as a celebration of romance etc kinda like Valentine's Day except on a different day (idk when Adrien's birthday is but I'm guessing some point later in the year) so that pretty much just makes her feel extra broken bc she can't get away from any of it

She goes to the bar like "gimme an entire bottle of the strongest stuff you have" and the person's like "uh how old are you??" and she's like "... 25" and puts a giant wad of banknotes on the table so the person's like "... okaaaay, here" and gives her a big bottle of something idk

He's like "you should probably dilute it with water though" and she's like "don't tell me what to do" and takes it and starts to walk off

Then Nathaniel sees her and he's like "uh I don't think you should drink that..." and she's like "I don't give a crap" and heads outside by herself

It's dark and quiet out here bc atmosphere lol

Anyway she takes a sip but it tastes disgusting like bleach mixed with rotted grape juice and she's so annoyed she just smashes the entire thing on the ground and then just sits there highkey wanting to die

Nathaniel comes along like "whoa what happened here" and she's like "WHAT DO YOU WANT" and he's like "I just wanna know what's wrong..." and sits down beside her

She's like "fine... it's just I think there's something wrong with me - no actually I KNOW there is, I can just never do anything right, I can't be normal like I'm supposed to and I just keep letting everyone down. My dad already hates that his daughter isn't exactly a Rose-type airy fairy princess and I just never fit in and I'm terrible at doing what I'm told and maybe I'm just being selfish and I should try to change? But I have tried and it doesn't work, I just can't be who I'm supposed to... and... even worse... I'm just completely heartless..." *starts crying* "Everyone around me always seems to be in love with someone all the time and they make it sound so nice and happy and I don't know what I'm missing out on bc I've never felt that way about anyone! And I really have tried but I just can't, it just never works and idk why, maybe I'm just broken or something, there's something wrong with me. I mean I can't even make friends properly and I don't want to be lonely but idk what to do... Something is very, very wrong with me, Nath, and I've tried so hard to fix it but I can't, I just can't do anything right, and I'm a 15 year old I should have liked at least someone by now, my hormones are supposed to be all over the place! But I just don't! I'm a failure! And don't try to tell me I'm not!"

Nath's like "... maybe you're just... aromantic" and she's like "aromantic???" and he's like "yeah, it just means you don't get romantically attracted to people. It's uncommon, sure, but there's nothing wrong with it, being aro just means you're different that's all, and it doesn't mean you can't care about people in other ways"

She's like "... there's a word for that??? Aromantic??? It's a real thing???" and he's like "yeah you should look it up, there's a pride flag for it and everything"

She's like "omg... so there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just... aromantic... omg... wait are you aromantic too?"

He's like "nah I get crushes on people... I am asexual though" and she's like "isn't that a biology thing??" and he's like "yeah but also it means I don't get sexually attracted to people... sounds kinda gross if you ask me though I won't judge anyone for wanting to do it..."

She's like "omg there's a word for that too??? I just thought my hormones were way off whack or something..." and he's like "nah there's nothing wrong with being ace too, or aro ace, if that's what you are, I promise you aren't broken for not wanting romance or sex, you're just different that's all, and there ARE other people like you out there"

She's like "but can you still be ace if you've had sex with someone?" and he's like "yeah of course..." and she's like "omg so this whole time, I thought something was wrong with me, but I was just aro ace... and it's a real thing... whoa... omg thank you so so so much Nath" and she suddenly hugs him

He's like "no problem, it took me a while to come to terms with it too hehe. Anyway I brought you some of the engagement cake, do you want it? Cake is apparently the symbolic ace food" and she's like "omg thanks" and starts eating the cake

And he's like "btw... I get the whole not being able to make friends thing. I can't either. I'm just... idk I'm too shy I guess... I've never really had a close friend before... especially not in this class..." and she's like "well you've just made a new friend, and she's wondering why she never tried to make friends with you before" and he's like "omg ahh really? Thanks"

They sit there eating cake for a while and then Nath's like "I feel like drawing... sorry I draw all the time lol..." and he pulls a sketchpad and pen out of his pocket

Alix sees the pen and she's like "wait a second, that looks really familiar... omg it's Anna's pen??? From that picture I saw in Rania's diary???" and he's like "what?"

She's like "do you have a really old ancestor called Anna by any chance" and he's like "oh idk... I think when I was younger I remember going to the funeral of my great-grandma Anna..." and she's like "where did you get that pen from??" and he's like "it was a birthday present from my dad when I turned 15, apparently it's an antique, my grandad used to own it too but it somehow still works"

She's like "omg I found the other descendant of Rania??? This is SO COOL! Omg dude we are really distantly related!!!" and she explains and shows him the watch

He's like "omg what are the odds of that?? That's awesome!!"

And yeah for the first time in a while, she actually feels pretty good

It's an unspecified amount of time later and she's on the roof again with Adrien and Plagg

Adrien's like "so you're aro ace... I'm really happy for you that you know now"

Plagg's like "I didn't know the term existed but I can tell you with complete certainty that Rania was aro ace too, she hated stuff like that"

Alix is like "I know, I've finished reading her diaries now. She got married to her friend bc she was expected to but she refused to let it go anything beyond friendship, and then when there was pressure to have kids she adopted Leila and Anna, saying that there were too many poor orphans in the world who need taking care of to have more kids. Which means that I'm not even biologically descended from Rania, which means that my dad's point about the watch having to stay in the bloodline is completely null and he could totally have given the watch to Jalil. But anyway I don't care what my dad says, in the future I'll give it to some cool kid on their 15th birthday - maybe yours and Marinette's, if you ever have kids lol"

Adrien's like "we probably will... She's so awesome I love her so much... I don't know how I never realized it before, Marinette's just absolute perfection, she's so sweet and wonderful and pretty and just everything I ever wanted..."

He goes on and on being all lovey dovey and Alix just grins and grabs a bit of Camembert and mutters "I'm too aro ace for this"

[bookiplier-and-terror]

it’s ya boi with more nasties

((NOW WE’RE SWITCHING TO AMY BEING THE BIG ONE INSTEAD OF MARK))

Mark constantly handing Amy things while they’re recording and expecting a bit of food to instead finding nothing left and Amy just hiccuping and stifling her little noises after eating. Ethan and Amy eating a whole bunch and Mark and Tyler just gush over how sweet they look a little while after they pass out after eating, like Mark finds them feeding each other and nearly creams his jeans bc “shit that’s hot and hella cute”. Amy and Ethan just feeding each other and staying home while Mark and Ty go shopping because they know the bigger halves would drain their wallets instantly. Mark spoils them whenever he can, getting huge containers of ice cream and knows that he can just sit back and watch them feed each other while he gets off on it without them seeing it.

Tyler learns to sew cause he has weird hobbies and he gets Eth’s favorite hoodies to make them bigger so he doesn’t have to get rid of them. Mark doesn’t do that tho. He watches Amy eat and sees the buttons pop off her shirts, hoodies roll up to her chest, shirt seams break and watches her just eat out of her clothes, replacing them with cute sweats and nice stretchy pants Ethan watches one day as one of Amy’s shirts just rips down the seam and she doesn’t even bother freaking out, just tells Mark “babe, we have another casualty” while he’s recording and he has to stop and compose himself or he’s gonna bust a nut. Fans giving Mark food at meetups and some even say it’s for Amy so he just puts it all on the table in the kitchen and says “eat as much as you’d like, there’s enough to last even you a few days.” she just eats up the attention (ha) and when she’s done she lets out this lil moan, spreads her legs bc she needs to lay down, and Mark can’t help himself and just goes to town on her, making her moan and keep him in place as he does his thing to her

But when it all starts it’s very subtle. She can’t seem to button her shorts every once in a while, finding out that Tyler had been using extra fabric to open up the shorts and there comes a time when he can’t save them in time and when she wears them and goes out to eat with Mark, she barely notices the tear up the side until they just break off her legs and she’s embarrassed until Mark wraps his flannel around her like a skirt and takes her home where she sees tyler letting out all her pants and he’s SO GUILTY ABOUT IT!!!! She doesn’t get mad or anything, she laughs when she sees him on the floor with Ethan pulling more clothes out of the room saying “she’s definitely not this tiny anymore but I dunno ty… I don’t think you can let these out without her noticing” Amy’s just like “so this is what you’ve been doing instead of editing” and part of her is like “omg that’s so sweet!” And tyler looks up and says “oh, didn’t think you’d get home so ear–oh, I forgot about those ones. I was gonna fix them but I couldn’t find them.” Amy just hugs him and squishes Ty and he’s like “this is fine” on the outside" but inside hecs like “hugs!!! Soft!!! Yee!!!” but hes stone faces ty he can’t show emotion naaaaah

Mark finding out from Ethan that Amy split a dress, comes home and sees her on the floor, dress completely broken and she looks at him, hands covered in cake and says “I think I overdid it Markimoo…” and he picks her up, hauls her to the couch and just fucks her (after talking about chubby amy and mark bulking up to keep picking her up and shit) She looks at him and says very quietly “You’re like Captain America since you’ve started working out” and Mark flexes and smiles. She loses her mind, giggling and lets him just rub her belly while calling her his fat princess and she just takes all the attention she gets with pride.

From something I saw (it was a gif set of a man wearing a tight shirt and complaining about eating too much sushi) Mark wearing his flannel when he’s eating lunch and Amy buttons it all the way, leaving him curious until after he eats, he sighs and pops all the buttons and she squeals and hugs him tightly. He just looks so shocked and confused and in this tiny voice he says “I really liked that shirt..” She hands it to tyler and finds the buttons. Two hours later the shirt is back to him with a little stitching that says “to the cute floofie piggie” and Tyler’s giggling when Mark starts giggling. Ethan would but a pair of pants on the outside seam and have no clue about it until he takes them off and Tyler asks “how did you not notice???” “well I was too busy stuffing my face to care!”

Mark would definitely indulge on whatever food he can get his German-Korean hands on. “Want” “its Amy’s…” “want it.” “No…” “I’ll replace it tho”… … and he’d forget to replace it and Amy would just shake her head and wake him up by making some really fattening food and make him eat it all, teasing him by saying “this is why you don’t eat your girlfriend’s food, piggy.” “You look so good, my little pig. Can imagine you breaking those pants on you…” and Mark just lets everything happen and lets her hook him up with a feeding tube and funnel and just wants to be a big as possible and make both of them happy as fuck because 1) he’s fat and excited about gaining, and 2) she likes him being fat and enjoys feeding him. Just, weig//ht ga//in with Mark, Amy, Ethan and Tyler. it’s my shit.

[fashiontrendin-blog]

How I Avoided Sunday Scaries Last Week: A Detailed Account

http://fashion-trendin.com/how-i-avoided-sunday-scaries-last-week-a-detailed-account/

How I Avoided Sunday Scaries Last Week: A Detailed Account

This Sunday Scaries diary starts in the middle of the night…

4:30 a.m.

I wake up to Avi getting out of my bed and leaving the room. I presume he’s moving to the couch, which he occasionally does when he’s having insomnia and is nervous about waking me up. I lay awake for 30 minutes, mind turning over the previous day. When I hear him stir, I say that I’m awake too, and he joins me back in bed. We talk for the next hour about life — what’s keeping us up, what’s exciting us, getting us down — and eventually both drift off to sleep.

9:50 a.m.

I wake up to Avi’s voice: “My mom’s flight just landed.”

“What time is it?”

“9:50.”

“She’s early.”

“Yeah. I gotta go. I’ll call you.”

He pulls on his pants, kisses my check and is gone.

10 a.m.

I lay in bed and consider falling back asleep. I had a rough couple nights of sleep and have been playing catch-up. When I realize it’s not going to happen, I succumb to the blue light and check my phone. It’s dead. The memory of last night returns: My charger wasn’t plugging in properly, as if there was something stuck in the inlet. I grab my phone, my sewing kit, and make my way to the couch.

10:21 a.m.

I’ve been using various tools to dig something out of the charging port of my phone for 20 minutes. It looks like cookie dough. I’m squinting and trying to see inside. I don’t test it until I’m confident it feels clean. When I finally try the charger, it works. Hurray! Blessed be the fruit.

10:24 a.m.

I decide to make myself a smoothie bowl, which have a reputation for being snooty and expensive, but which I think might be the hidden secret of breakfast. The ones I make are cheap, healthy-ish, delicious and don’t require fresh food. Here’s how I make them:

-One frozen banana (I keep a bowl of them in my freezer at all times) -A big handful of whatever frozen berries I have on hand (usually blueberries, strawberries and raspberries) -A few glugs of almond milk (I buy cartons two at a time and they last forever) -A tablespoon of flax seeds (or chia seeds, or whatever seeds) -Blend until smooth -Top with honey, gluten-free granola, goji berries

As the blender roars, I make up a story in my head about my neighbors hating the all-too-frequent sound and having an inside joke about how much they hate me. When it’s done, I return to the couch with my bowl. I reach for the remote but stop myself and grab a book instead. I’m reading Eileen by Ottessa Moshfegh.

“Reading makes me happier than TV,” I announce to an empty room, like a weirdo.

10:45 a.m.

I’m still reading Eileen. It’s good.

11 a.m.

I suddenly occurs to me, mid-page, that there were two Man Repeller stories I was supposed to finish editing on Friday but didn’t. I drag my computer to the couch and get to work on editing what will eventually become 12 Home Decor Tips I Can’t Stop Thinking About and Why “Black Girl Magic” Doesn’t Always Sit Right With Me.

11:22 a.m.

My brother Andy FaceTimes me mid-edit. He’s smooshed into his couch too. We rehash the picnic we had last night at Transmitter Park. He had to leave early and wants to know what he missed. He has a general existential fear of missing out, which always makes me laugh because I don’t know anyone who does as much fun and interesting stuff as he does.

12:35 p.m.

I finish editing and suddenly remember I’m supposed to be recording my day today for Man Repeller’s Sunday Scaries franchise. I spend the next 15 minutes documenting the above. Now I need to rush to get ready to meet up with Avi and his mom for lunch.

12:55 p.m.

I shower off but decide not to do anything with my hair as it looks fine. For my skin, I put on EasyDew Active Soothing Serum mixed with The Nue Co vitamin-C power to start, followed by Honest Beauty Nourishing Lotion, then Glossier sunscreen mixed with a drop of Drunk Elephant bronzing liquid, and finish with Glossier Cloud Paint in Haze. Then I move to my closet to get dressed.

1:19 p.m.

Omg. That took me forever and I don’t even like my outfit. I panicked! How does one dress for a day with one’s boyfriend’s mother when one has no idea what the day entails? After trying a basic dress and sandals and realizing I felt entirely unlike myself, I put on navy blue wide-leg pants I haven’t worn in a year and a black puff-sleeve shirt. I feel very whatever about this outfit but I have no further time to deliberate or I’ll be late!

1:25 p.m.

IT IS VERY HOT. Why am I wearing pants? Why am I wearing such dark colors? I’m fired.

1:42 p.m.

I arrive at Avi’s looking so hot and sweaty his mother immediately dotes on me — bringing me water, sitting me in front of the air conditioner, etc. It’s very sweet. Avi says he’s calling a car because we’re going to Jackson Heights! As they put on their shoes, I run downstairs and buy myself an iced coffee.

1:58 p.m.

Avi, his mother Rita and I are squeezed into the back of a car on our way to Queens. Rita and I are discussing how chubby Avi was as a baby. She says her doctor put him on a diet at six weeks old! Apparently he was taking down double the milk he was supposed to. This delights me to no end.

2:25 p.m.

We arrive at Sri Maha Vallabha GanaPati, a Hindu temple in Queens — said to be one of the first Hindu temples in the U.S. (Also, did you know some people call Queens one of the most diverse places on Earth? The whole neighborhood is incredible and feels completely different depending on where in the borough you are.)

We remove our shoes before entering the temple and I take note of a sign that says shorts and ripped jeans are prohibited. I’m suddenly thankful for my full-coverage outfit. Avi and I walk around looking at the shrines, leaving his mother to pray on her own. I’m struck by one of the plaques that reads: “When I study, grant me success (by means of right understanding) always.” I make a mental note; I like that definition of success.

2:53 p.m.

After we leave, we head to the temple canteen for lunch, which Avi heard serves the best Dosa in New York. The canteen is underground, looks like a cafeteria and smells delicious. We order too much food, confirm it is indeed the best dosa, and spend the meal discussing Indian politics, Avi’s mother’s argument with Avi’s father about what car to buy next, and Avi’s mother’s similarities to my mother.

4:09 p.m.

After a long lunch, we head out. Next we are going to Patel Brothers, which is the largest Indian American supermarket chain in the U.S. It’s a mile away. We decide to walk because it’s beautiful out. I’m not worried about a thing, except that my brother missed out on lunch. (He’s been talking about going to Jackson Heights for months.)

Avi and I are laughing because we can’t seem to get 10 feet without his mother stopping to identify a plant and discuss its properties. It’s very charming.

Avi: “Mom, you’re too Michigan. Have you ever walked a mile straight?”

Rita: “This is the simple life, Avi. You should learn it.”

4:28 p.m.

We arrive at Patel Brothers. I follow the two of them around like a puppy, laughing in delight as they argue about things like whether Avi needs a 50-pound bag of rice. At times I can’t tell who is trolling who.

5:04 p.m.

All done! When we walk outside, it feels like it’s going to rain, so I call us a car home. The train would take double the time, unfortunately. When it arrives, we pile in for a 40-minute ride back to Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn, where we both live.

5:32 p.m.

On the drive home, I feel a vague fondness for driving on the highway. I don’t do it much. The car is lulling me to sleep. Our middle-of-the-night antics are catching up to me.

6:11 p.m.

We are home! Took much longer than expected. I immediately crank Avi’s A/C unit and put on one of his sweatshirts — I’m in the mood to be cozy. Avi puts on a Michael Bublé holiday music video as a joke to tease his mom, who he claims loves Bublé, which she denies. We pretend it’s Christmas for three minutes while Rita makes us tea.

6:40 p.m.

Tea’s up. Avi puts on Jaws for our afternoon nap time, for no discernible reason.

6:57 p.m.

Wow, the aesthetic of Jaws is amazing. The whole thing looks like it’s been run through a Huji filter, and the clothes are on point too. Avi gets up to cook, leaving me and Rita on the couch as she critiques every scene aloud, which is making me laugh.

Rita: “This is bad direction, no?”

7:47 p.m.

The light is dwindling outside. The house is filling with the smell of garlic. Tomorrow is Monday. I wish tomorrow was Sunday instead.

8:38 p.m.

I decide I would watch any movie with Rita commentary turned on.

8:45 p.m.

Jaws ends right as Avi brings us plates of food: sesame wings over rice with pickled carrots (a recipe he’s been perfecting this month that he found on Smitten Kitchen). He puts on cooking videos while we eat. He’s a good TV host — always picking random entertaining things to put on during downtime. The three of us watch a video of a person making cheesecake, and then cookies, and then a home-made iced latte. During the third one, as the guy goes to great lengths to roast his own coffee beans, Rita expresses her disapproval:

Rita: “No way.” Avi: “What ma?” Rita: “Why would you do all this? You can just buy one.” Avi: “He’s not doing it because he wants a coffee, he’s doing it because he wants to do it.” Me: “He’s stopping and smelling the roses!” Rita: “I think he needs to go to a third world country and see what’s really important.”

Fair enough.

9:17 p.m.

I wash Avi’s dishes as a thank you for cooking for us and then pack up to head home. My eyes are stinging, I think from the sunscreen I put on earlier that morning; it’s making me feel exhausted. Or maybe I’m just genuinely exhausted.

9:27 p.m.

Avi walks me to the train and waits on the platform with me until it comes. We chat and reflect on the day until the very last second, at which point I kiss him and run onto the train car. He watches me go. It’s all very old-timey.

9:41 p.m.

Hello home! Hello Bug.

10 p.m.

I put on PJs, brush my teeth and do my skincare routine right away because I know if I sit down on the couch now I’ll never get up. On my skin, I use Paula’s Choice cleansing oil to start, then Glossier face wash followed by Peach & Lilly toner, and then finish by mixing Caudalie face cream with a couple drops of Drunk Elephant face oil (I’ve been dry lately).

10:11 p.m.

I sit down on the couch and solve the Rubick’s cube on my coffee table in under three minutes, my latest party trick. Someone sent a Rubick’s cube to the Man Repeller office this summer and I took it home because I’ve always wanted to learn how to solve one. About a month ago, Avi and I decided to dedicate an entire night to learning. Hunched over a Youtube tutorial we figured it out together, and we’ve spent the last few weeks trying to beat each other’s times.

10:35 p.m.

I’m in bed now. I set my alarm for therapy tomorrow morning. I normally go on Friday mornings but I was sick last week so my therapist kindly rescheduled. I grab Eileen to read myself to sleep.

10:37 p.m.

Wait! I forgot to meditate. I open Headspace and do a five-minute session laying down, which I think is cheating. It’s a miracle I didn’t fall asleep.

10:42 p.m.

Okay, now it’s actually bedtime. Night!

23 PHOTOS click for more

[silverichorr]

Survey, Like it’s 2014

I haven’t done something so silly and self indulgent in a while. I have a plate of homemade pizza rolls, I just finished an audiobook, and I’m ready to go.

Last person you watched a movie with? Omg. Probably Liam, and I haven’t watched a movie with him in at least a couple of months. #LDRLife

Have you been disappointed in the past three days? Yeah. I was going to go camping with my co-worker this weekend, and the weather really pooped out on me :/.

What will you be doing in the next 2 hours? Probably sleep, maybe embroider more or watch more “Community.”

Is your birthday in February, October, or May? No.

Do you have a good relationship with your ex? I was just chatting with Veronica about this. I haven’t spoken to him in six years, and I would love to catch up with him sometime — but I know that isn’t going to happen.

What windows are open on your desktop right now? Actually, just this one.

When is the last time you yawned? When I FaceTimed a sleepy Veronica.

Are you someone who hates to read? If I am, I’d probably be terrible at my job.

Who did you last get high with? Omg. This answer is FINALLY going to change next weekend. Probably Tracy, Harrison and Veronica (Veronica is a famous lass on this survey!).

Does your mother have a sister? If so, what’s her name? They’re not worth mentioning.

When was the last time you had brownies? Oooo. I think during my work convention.

What’s something you hear right now, besides music? The hum of my fan, the sound of me chewing (I love these pizza rolls so much).

Is it warm outside? The humidity will end me.

Last time you spoke to the person you have feelings for? I was texting him all afternoon. I felt really comfortable and cute today, and I’m happy I got to tell him :).

What does your last text in your inbox say from a girl? Ma girl Emilie: “I love this,” referencing a photo with immense horse-girl energy.

At what age do you want to have your first child? LMAO.

Do you ride a bus regularly? Only when I’m traveling to home or Ith.

Does/did your school require uniforms? Nah. Damn, maybe I’m getting too old for these surveys if they’re asking about me going to school ...

Do you live alone? Until next month, yes.

What is your favorite food to eat for lunch? Lmao, whatever is going bad in my fridge. I had bean salad for about three days in a row this week, and it was actually quite good.

When was the last time you were out of your home town? I think the better question would be the last time I was IN my hometown, and that would be the weekend of my birthday when I got to see Liam and Nicole and Sam and Lucas and Shannon and Darwin and my heart was so full.

What was the last little kid show that you watched? Do you normally watch this show? Ooooo. Not sure. Maybe Spongebob? Fucking classic.

If you had to eat breakfast tomorrow morning, what would you eat? Ha, probably going to eat tofu and beans bc I have nothing else to eat. That or oatmeal.

Would you rather read the newspaper, watch the news, or read the news online to learn about current events? LMFAO. As a journo, I don’t feel comfortable answering this question. Let’s just say I have strong opinions on all mediums.

Have you ever touched a cow? I worked with one on the ranch; she was v good.

What was the last essay you wrote about? Ooof. Probably my sword-fighting one. Though I did write other long-form pieces for work last year I was quite proud of.

Do you call the ice cream topping “jimmies” or “sprinkles”? Sprinkles.

Is there a particular race that you find more attractive than another? Nah, son, bc I’m not a racist shit. But gingers will always hold a special place in my heart.

You have to come up with a new name for your fake ID, what name do you choose? Yup. Feeling old again. I’ve also never had a fake.

Have you ever had a churro? Yes? Why is that a question?

Do you like the idea of promise rings in relationships? I mean. I’m low-key poly so ... 

What’s the next movie you’ll watch in theaters? Not sure.

Other than yourself, who was the last person that took a picture of you? Probably Tina.

Who were the last people you hung out with? Taylor! Unexpected friendship.

How many people are you talking to online right now? Wow, presumptuous.

Are you part of an organization that helps out other people [in any way]? That’s what nonprofits are all about.

Where was the last place you went shopping? That really nice antique shop near me.

So what do you plan on doing this weekend? I’m probably going to clean and cook and sew tomorrow, like the domestic fuck I am. Idk when I got so into traditionally fem stuff, but I love it.

Who was the last person you gave money to? Probably Nicole, tbh.

Are you going to get your driver’s license this year? OMFG.

Do you plan on dressing up for Halloween this year? Not sure the protocol on that one.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex to hug you? My old adviser from uni.

The last person that made you angry, did you tell them? Hmmm. Maybe my parents? Maybe Liam? Regardless they know, lmao.

Do you pay with cash, credit/debit, or checks most often? Debit bc fuck cash.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? Lmfao. We have/are going to be living together. He’s such a good bed buddy.

Do you remember who you liked three months ago? Lam!

Would you ever be a stripper? I’ve thought about it. it would be good money and a workout. I’m not sure if I can deal with the men, tho.

Is there a guy that knows a lot about you? Well ....

How many guy best friends do you have? Oh, I love my dude friends. They remind me men can be p cool sometimes.

Do you know anyone with a really weird name? Yep! I don’t want to call them out here, tho.

Is there someone you just can’t imagine your life without? Nicole and Liam, 100%.

Do you still talk to the last person you kissed? Absolutely. I haven’t kissed anyone else in a little while, and I’m OK with that.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Ha. I hope so if he’s moving in with me again.

If you were in the hospital on life support, would the last person you kissed visit you? Why does it matter if I kiss them????? I love kissing people I’m not romantically involved with!

Your ex is walking next to you, with their new partner, what do you do? I just would like to casually catch up. I feel like Liam meeting him would satisfy some of his curiosity, too.

Are there things in your life that you’ll never be able to get over? Oooof. Don’t even.

It’s 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely? Lmao, Nicole bc she doesn’t understand a socially acceptable sleep schedule.

Are you good at giving directions? Just give me a map.

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? Lmao, story of my life.

Did you cry from a text last night? Surprisingly, no.

Do you think the last person you texted cares about you? I’ve only texted friends today, so yes, all of them.

Would you kiss the last person you texted? Nicole, so ... eh, maybe.

Can you count your serious relationships on one hand? Are you supposed to be calling me out or something? Bc I only have two, but they’re both decently long.

Name something great that happened today. I woke up early and exercised with a bunch of people!

Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing right now? Cotton On; it has a “Twin Peaks” quote on it — which I didn’t know about until years after owning it — and it blows Liam’s mind, which I think is really funny. I guess I’ve had this shirt since 2012 or 2013. Damb. I love this shirt.

Do you know anyone with the same name as you? I met her for the first time last year! I was drunk af, but I immediately friended her on fb. I haven’t spoken to her since.

Do any of your friends dislike each other? No bc then they wouldn’t be friends.

What are you doing right now? This?

You can get a puppy or a new car. Which do you choose? Definitely a car bc I desperately need one. Plus a car is much more expensive, so what’s even the question here? If I really didn’t need a car, I’d take the new one, sell it, and make one pup v happy.

Do you wear a belt with every pair of jeans? Never.

Everyone has that one relationship they would do over & change something right? I mean ... do they?

What was your first thought when you woke up today? "I shouldn’t go to boot camp. Fuck it, let’s go.” No ragrets.

Did you have a good weekend? I’m having a nice weekend :).

Are you close with anyone you never expected to be close with? Yeah, actually. Nicole, for sure. But I’m so beyond happy we’re such good friends.

Do you have a hard time letting go? Literally my existence.

[thesecretlifeofkelseybeatty]

Life on Standby - Brenden Daze,

Life  on standby.

August 1st 2010

We have 23 days left until school starts and I don't know weather to be excited, or discouraged. I don't want to be a sophomore. At all. Time is slipping by too fast. I wish i could pause everything once in awhile.

i feel like i need to become a more entergetic person. Live and love life more, ya know? I think I'm going to ask the doctor about some medicine again, and just see what she says. Dang it. That's tomorrow  D: Ugh.

Okay so today Brooke and I had a much needed get together today. Mom and I went to go pick her up. It was pretty much a silent car ride so she after we got out of the car she asked why. I told her about the night before and how Ryan got caught and everything. Not everything everything, just the nesceties. We were going to ride our bikes to the pool so we decided to get changed. She went into the bathroom, and my mom walked in the room. She started cring and hugged me. I felt so bad for her. I love her so much. Later that day me and Brooke went to the Greenleaf Village Pool, bike rode to Cold Stone and then rode to CVS and sat on their floor and looked at magazines for about an hour. It was relaxing…. this reminds me. I need to bring that Cold Stone Guy his $1.68 back. Crapppp, I need to do that tomorrow. Anyyyyways, then I went to soccer, and Lauren came over. I didn't tell her about Ryan.

Later tonight Tanner was texting me and then eventually just called me. I guess he heard from Caitlyn Mcquin that I 'liked' Andrew Combs for awhile and he was asking me if I liked bad boys.. I told him that I used to. But that I was really happy that Brenden wasn't like that because I was trying to turn over a new leaf. I told him about Cory, and how much of a douche he was, and how he tried to force me into doing stuff with him. I told Tanner that I was glad that Brenden wasn't like that. He asked what all I had done, and I told him. He said he wouldn't tell Brenden though. He said that Brenden had a lot of doubts if I actually liked him or not. I told him I would reasure him. Cause I honestly do like him a lot. I feel like me and him were kinda put on this path for a reason. Like with the whole birthday thing, the dog thing, the Felix/Yannik thing. God has some kind of plan. I can feel it already. As for the whole me and him kissing thing, I just told Tanner that if it happens then it happens. That I kind of want to wait and get to know him better but it's whatever if we don't. And then Tanner told me something really interesting. He said that I should talk to Brenden about everything that I've done with guys and like my past and all. Because apparently Brenden has been through some crap too. Which oh my lord, I freaking have telepathy because I was just telling Brooke that I thought he was hiding something. Apparently Brenden had been involved with a court hearing that went on for over a year ? He didn't tell me a lot about it. And honestly I'm glad he didn't I want to hear the real story from Brenden. Ha, Tanner is such a good friend. He is always looking out for people. And always knows exactly what to say. That kid's pretty great if I do say so myself.

I hope Brenden's not doing anything tomorrow because at this point I really want him to come over. I hope he can come in my room. Haha. I don't know why that's such a big deal to me.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 3rd 2010

I chickened out at the doctors office the other day. I don't know why. My doctor is just kind of intimidating, I guess. I was just glad that I didn't have to get any shots. Thank Jesuss. Oh, and Cold Stone. Ugh. I forgot about that too. I bet that guy thinks that me and Brooke just ran for it. Haha, he was such a weird guy though. I really hope when we eventually do pay him back then I don't have to give the money to the fat flirt. Hm, that's mean. I probably shouldn't say that. I really am such a bitch these days.. ? Okay so after the doctor today me and my dad went out for lunch at Frishes, it was really nice. And needed. I really do love him. It just always feels like he is so consumed with Ryan and his life that he sometimes forgets about the rest of us. I honestly hope that we can become close.  I mean everyone has their faults, but my dad really is a cool guy. When my mom got home from work we went and picked up Jenny and Lindsay to go boating with Megan and her dad at Ceasers Creek. Alyssa, Megan, Jenny, Lindsay Brydon, and me all went. Tubing is so much fun, but I got a lot of bruises from it today. Ha, Brenden went to the Scream the Prayer concert tonight, and he said that when he was moshing he thinks that he might have broken some kids nose. Ha, poor kid! I would be so pissed at him, but apparently he was really cool about it. I think it's weird that he saw Erica there and she didn't even talk to him. I really wonder why she's so different online than she is in person. I should text her. Anyways, it's 12:06 and I gotta work tomorrow, sooo I'm thinking that I should probably go to bed now. Brenden's coming over tomorrow too, (:  Hopefully I can talk to him.. about everything.. well see though.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 4, 2010

I went to work, and got my eyes dilated today, Brenden didn't come over. I'm to tired to write anything else.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 5th, 2010

t's really annoying when you get off work early but you can't go home, and you can't go to Barenes and Noble and you forgot your phone at home and there's nothing better to do than sit in the car and write about nonsense. Oh well. Apparently were getting a cat today? Well, not we, more like Ryan is, but still! A cat :D He wants to name it Brenden.. and the cat is a girl. Hahaha. What a werido. I really like Hannah Combs, she like for real inspirational. She makes me want to do something great with my life. Honestly, I think I want to start designing clothes. Sewing is so theripuitical, I love it. And honestly this is something that I've wanted to do since I was like in the second grade when I cut up these once jeans and decided to make a purse out of it. I don't know. I'm gonna see if Debbie could help me make a homecoming dress, that would be the start (: And I need to re-learn how to start my mom's sewing machine so I can actually do some work at the house too. We'll see. I feel like in every entry there is always something about Brenden. Wow, I'm kind of a creep. You would think that we have been dating for years or something. But no, I just fall hard. Really hard. And even though I hate to admit it, I am a creep. It's actually kind of sad. I need to go to the library today. I want to see if they actually have CD's that I would like there. Omg, and if they do the library will soon become my new favorite place. / I need to finish The Catcher And The Rye. That book honestly freaks me out. It reminds me of Ryan's life a little bit. I feel like it helps me understand how guys react when they are depressed. They'll never admit it. They just run from it. Holden and Ryan have that in common. I've been mean to him lately. I should start trying again. I love that kid.. Mom's here. Were going to Staup to get school clothes. Mmm.

Laterrr;

I was looking through my mothers text messages today. It was random. I wasn't really snooping just bored and that was something to do. But I found text messages from Avery to my mom. She said that Ryan was speeding the night at Kevin Kash's. He never even goes over there. I think it's kinda sad that Avery can straight up lie to my mother. I don't know. I'd probably do the same thing if I had their lives.

August 6th 2010

I hate texting, with so much passion.. I never know what to say and then i always make these weird awkward long pauses, and i feel like I'm such an idiot. Well I guess i kinda am for making such a simple thing such a big deal though.. I don't know. Honestly though, I think me and Brenden have something, and I'm really just afraid I'm going to jack it up. I really don't want to jack it up. Why in the world would he like someone like me? I truly just do not understand. Anyways though, I guess a lot of things have happened since the last time that I updated you. We got the cat (: Her name is Cat.. very original right isn't it? No. Actually she was already named when we got her so Ryan just wanted to keep the name. Oh, and the other thing that I just wanted to state. The whole michael incident.

August 7th 2010

I really don't know what God wants. He lied to me. Would he lie to me again? I'm confused, so freaking confused. I thought he was a good kid. I thought he was going to be different one, the one who made me a good kid again. He asked me tonight if me knowing about his past changed anything. I just told him it only made it better. Why would I say that. Why in the world would I tell him that. This changes everything. I don't even know if I want to like him anymore.. I hate this whole deciding free will crap. I really don't know what God wants for me. Does he want me to stay with Brenden and just be there for him and try to help him? Or does he want me to dropkick him to the curb just so that he knows I'm fully devoted to him. ? I don't know… I told Brenden he could trust me, so I 'm not going to even say what he did. I'll keep it to myself. I really don't even know how I feel right now, or where I stand. I don't even think he likes me anyways. ):

Oh, and I puked again tonight. Right before he came over. Joy.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 8th 2010

I really hate myself so much. I don't know why I think and act like I'm such an angel all the time. I'm not at all. Atleast Ryan can be trusted. At least he doesn't lie to his friends just to take anvangtage of someone. I really hate myself so much. I'm a psychopathic lier and I can't be trusted. Why would I do that to someone who I love so much. I'm such a jerk. I don't deserve to be able to talk to him. I guess it's every person for themselves. I can't trust, and I can't be trusted. I'm going to keep brenden's secret. And if I don't. Then I don't deserve him or anyone else anyways.

I need to tell Brenden the truth about my past. The truth about Felix, the truth about everything. I don't know if I can. I don't even know if I know the real truth I've lied so many times.

it was only three months and a half months. He came at the end of August, left in the middle of November. That was the worst Thanksgiving I have ever had. When I first saw him I automatically knew that it wasn't a good idea for him to be here. He was 17 and I was only 11. From that very first cookout I knew I would start liking him. A couple weeks after he had been staying here I found out that he was a cutter. I feel like that was one thing that most deffinately brought us closer. We were both depressed out of our minds. We were each others therapy. We didn't even have to talk about what we were depressed about. We would just talk about anything and it would make us feel alive, like we were real people. He made me feel like a real person. I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. He truely ment everything to me. And I'm still not over him. I never want to date anyone else because I feel like it's unfair to them. I'm always comparing them to Felix. Like with Cory. I didn't even like Cory. I just wanted to feel loved again. And even though he said that he loved me, I always knew it was a lie. He just wanted someone to  someone to take advantage of. But I was okay with that. I honestly don't think that i will love anyone ever again. It sucks. It really sucks.

Oh my freaking lord, im such a freak.

Later;

Brenden: Hey!

Me: Hey, what's up?

Brenden: Just watching tv, you?

Me: Talking to kelly on the phonee, lol.

Brenden: Lol, did she like dc?

Me: Ha, yeah. She said she'll know for sure weather she's going or not like this week. (:

Brenden: Ha, ok thats cool.

Me: Mhm(:

…

Me: Bleh, okay so I have a question.

Brenden: Yeah?

Me: Do you even like me? Honestly?

Brenden: Are you kidding me? Of course I do. Like really like you, and I mean it. Are you asking this cause of what i told you yesterday? And do you even like me?

Me: Mm, yeah. Lol, I like you a lot. I don't know i just don't want you to feel like you were forced into anything like with everyone else. And idk, everything that you told me yesterday has just been bothering me a lot. I don't know why.  I should just get over it.

Brenden: Trust me I wasn't forced into liking you. And :( i'm sorry what exactly has been bothering you? i knew this would change something.

Me:  Like im glad you told me just cause i really want us to be honest with each other. (even though im not honest with him) But it just bothers me. I don't even know why. And I'm not trying to judge you. i know it's your past and everything but I just feel like your not completely over it.. Do you think you are?

Brenden: Honestly I do, I haven't been doing any of the stuff i did at all this year. i hope you can trust me. If you don't think we'll work out i'd like to know cause i don't start liking you more then you tell me.

Me: Okay, i trust you. but if your ever going to smoke please just tell me. I don't want to take all the fun out of your life, i just want to know. And honestly i really think that we will, idk. I just have a good feeling about this(:

Brenden: Okay, and i don't plan on smoking i have a reason not to now and i don't need it in my life and i'm glad cause i hope we do:)

The end,  

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 15th 2010

"LOSE ANOTHER DAY HERE, LOSE ANOTHER YEAR HERE, IM WITH YOU." I love silverstein so freaking' much. No one even understands. They are so fantastic.

Yep, so at this point i pretty much just got over what happened. Kelly and ryan = hook-up. Great. Ryan is really gross sometimes. Oh well, I only see Kelly like once every month and next time we hangout ryan won't be grounded so it'll all be fine. Okayyyy, so i haven't texted Brenden in like two days. I don't know if thats bad or not. I don't really understand the whole text thing. I don't know what he wants. I don't even know what I want. Ugh, annoyed already. I wanna hangout with him tomorrow. I'm such a nerd. I got a lot of new clothes today:D Platos classt, wet seal, forever 21 anddddd, glitter. it was fun, shopping with Ryan is a lot different than shopping with my mother. Me and Kelly went to Jenny's party today. It was actually really boring. I honestly don't even care about seeing anyone that went to her stupid party. I freaking' hate most the people that go to dc. Everyone there is just so annoying for some reason. I really don't have anything in common with like any of them. It's kinda sad that I'm gonna have to spend the next three years with these people. BLEH, oh well. Honestly if me and Brenden don't work out then I honestly don't think I'll date anyone all of highschool, and frankly i'm cool with that. Like i want me and him to work out, like really bad. But if we don't then it'll be for the better. Then i won't have to deal with getting my heart broken and i won't have to deal with breaking his. It'll same some tears. Ugh, i don't know. Maybe tears are better. I don't know.  Ohhhh, my lord. me and kelly went to Apex today. It was sad. I always feel like the biggest a-hole whenever i go to a service there. Like during the end i said the shortest little prayer, 'hey God, I'm sorry." And seriously almost started crying like right in front of Kelly. I wish that I wouldn't get so side tracked all the time.

Like for example the whole Owen thing. And how he was gonna get me the stuff, and then we were gonna go to Alex's house and get it tonight.. And I just feel like such an idiot. Like honestly I just told myself never again and then two days later, I simply don't care anymore. Highschool is going to be hard. I hope that me and Mary are tight next year. i feel like she's a good influence on me. I don't know. i really love her though, no matter what any one else says. I don't care what they say. She's fantastic. It's 2 am. I need some sleep.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 16th 2010

I think it's really weird how I just started listening to silverstein again and how I was thinking about luke and how he doesn't like them at alll, and then the next day luke posts "my two favorite bands are.. yada yada and silverstein sucks.. sorry kelsey beatty. " and he tagged me in it. lol i don't know why but weird crap like that happens to me all the time.I don't know what it is. It's like my mind already knows what's going to happen, and it's just waiting for it. I don't know. Brenden texted me today. I'm glad he did. Hhaha, i think we have this little thing going on to see who can wait it out the longest without texting each other. Ryan has a catscan tomorrow for his arm… not the hand that he broke but the arm that he broke like 3 years ago. Apparently it's like not in the right place or something. I don't really know, but my mom said that he's probably going to have to have surgery on it. I went in his room today and asked him if he would go pick up Ariel so we could hangout. He was with Paul and Rohan.. and his eyes were completely red. Like really? In the middle of the day? I don't understand him. I thought he said he would stop. I guess not… ugh. He is like one of the main reasons why I feel like I haveta refuse to have fun anymore, well him and brenden. Owen texted me the other day and said that he would for sure get me and my friends some booze if we wanted it. I told him yes, and acted like I was completely into it. I know I can't though. I have to much will power not to. Which is good I guess, it's just annoying to see everyone else having fun and I know I can't. (jen ariel avery ryan rohan paul kelly) and that's just everyone who I've been in contact with in the past two days. How freaking' sad. I'm glad I'm not like that. "A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it" I forget who said that, but I really love that quote. Soccer was interesting tonight. Mrs. Orme is seriously the greatest coach, or better yet, person that I think I have ever met. She is sooo freaking'  influential. Like all of the talks that she gives just make me want to be a better soccer player, and a better person. She always says that the only reason we are playing soccer is #1 to give the glory to God, and make him be known through our playing. Everything she says just makes me want to give my all during soccer season. But then when it comes down to everything religious I just feel like a terrible person. Honestly, what happened between me and God? I thought this summer would give me time to get closer to Him, read the word and go to church a lot. Instead I have just focused on a ton of other things.. work, soccer, and brenden. I keep telling myself that I really don't want to be bored, but maybe that's what I honestly need the most. Just some time off to be with Him. I don't know though. Whenever I go through these little religious movements I always go too far in the other direction and then end up relapsing instead of slowly progressing. I need some help I feel like.. like someone like melanie or shannon. I don't know. Kelly has been so extremely annoying ever since she came over yesterday. Oh my lord. She can never ever ever be serious about one thing. Honestly I truely think she needs some more medicine or something. I feel like she's the type of person that you can only hangout with like once a month or too and not get sick of, but everyday? Honestly? How can she stand herself every single day? It's confusing to me. Hahah, I just had a flashback to the first time me and Brenden hangout, hahaha. Wendys. lmbo. That was a really funny day. Woe, I'm super off topic. I do that a lot, don't I? Oh well I pulled a muscle at soccer today, my quad. It hurts.. okay anyways RE-CAP. Woke up this morning, went to the pool with ariel, paul and rohan were over, my mom got mad, went to soccer, pulled my quad, went to drug mart, saw brooke there, came home 9pm took a shower, ate dinner, texted brenden, got on the comp, now, going to bed.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 20th 2010

Today was the day that I met Felix for the first time. Four years ago. It was on his birthday. I remember being really excited to meet him, wondering if he would be weird. I remember getting his present, a soccer ball, and a bible. I wonder if he still has it? I really don't know why God did this to me.. I miss him so much. I honestly don't think I'll ever get over this.

August 21 2010

A lot has happened within the last couple days. BUT ariel is here right now..

August 22 2010

It's 2:10am. Ariel is over.

August 23th 2010

Oh myy lord. Okay so everyone's gone now and i actually have some free time to talk about everything that has happened. Ughhhhh. Alright.

Soooo, basically the main highlight of everything right now issues brenden asked me out.. yeah. Haha(: Me and Ariel went over to his house last night and it was really boring until when we left and dan dickerson took us to the linden wall, it was just kinda random and pretty much really just freaked me out, a lot. Like why would he take us to Dayton out of all places. I don't really get it. But whatever, we had nothing else to do so why not. When we were walkingloike over to the wall area these two random kids passed us. Brenden knew them.. Amusing. It was almost ten on a saturday night and they were just riding bikes around dayton. And he knows those kids. Funny stuff. If he used to do all that stuff i really don't know why he would take us down there. I told him it was really sketchy and then we just decided to leave and go to steak and shake. I got a hamburger and ariel got this huge giant thing of cheese fries. And she ate the whole thing. Hhahaha, she was acting like she was so high that night. Like honestly our red-haired creepy waiter even asked her if she was smoking something. And then he asked tanner if he knew a kid named luke cause he looked exactly like him. Haahha, he was creepin like crazy. But honestly it was really awkward and it was fun but you could tell brenden wasn't having that much fun so it made it not really that fun. But then we just came home and watched saw 3 and talked alittle bit, and then my mom came like really early and was just waiting in the drive-way. I told her that I didn't want to… this part is pointless. But then we ended up staying until like 1:30ish and he walked me and ariel outside and then he was like, " sooo I have kinda been wanting to ask you something, like all night. " and i was just like really confused and wanted to know what it was. So i was like " hahha what? " and then he was like " do you want to go out " and then I was like flipping out and was smiling like crazy and was really excited and hugged him and everything and it was really cute. But then like the next day at church it was just like really weird. Cause I feel like we didn't really talk at alll, like he came in late and kelly and ariel were sitting there with me and like the sermon started so i felt like we should probably be quiet and everything… but it was just weird like even afterwards and everything. Like we got begals and I felt like I couldn't even eat them. Like I honestly can't even eat at all in front of him. I don't know what it is. And while i was walking out the door I felt ilke i was just gonna puke and it was really bad. And super awkward and  i don't know. I want to be able to be comfortable around him is all. My mind just goes completely blank whenever im around him, I can't stand it. I hope schools not awkward. But I feel like it might be sooo maybe I should like pre-plan what I'm gonna do. Like should I go to his locker? Even though it's in the jounior hall way and I'm all the way in the freshman hall? No, i don't think so. I don't know.

KAY WHATEVER, different subject. Lmao, initiation for soccer was so funny.

August 24th 2010

I annoy the hell out of myself quite often. First day of school! I like most of my classes, except, 4th and 5th period. Them are crapppp. And I didn't see brenden all day except for lunch and then we had art after. He slept like the entire time though. i really honestly think he regrets asking me out. Like to be official or whatever.. i don't know. We'll play it out. Hopefully this gets better.

Me and brenden kissed tonight (:

Lauren was over and it was really awkward at first. We never talk when other people are around us, but if it's just me and him together then everything is fine then. We walked all around the golf course and just talked, it was really nice. Then later whenever he had to leave i made him give me his shirt cause it smelled really good and he changed up in my room, then we went out to his car and hugged.. we were just there like in the moment. His heart was beating so fast. And then I looked up.. and we talked about it, and we kissed. We both suck at kissing. Haha, I hope we get better.

I still miss felix, but I know this is all part of God's plan.. Whatever happens happens.

I think im gonna see if he wants to do that notebook thing though. Lol, I hope he does. I already have a notebook decorated. (:

August 29th 2010

I'M SUCH AN IDIOT. IT'S BEEN 4 FREAKIN' YEARS. GET OVER THIS KID. FML. He jacked me up so much.

September 1, 2010

I wish I was a cool person. It sucks when you spend your whole life trying to create yourself and in the end you hate who you are. I don't know what to do.

I shouldn't have kissed brenden. I was just bored, and he actually does care. This was his first real time kissing a girl. and I wasn't even that into it. I'm a douche bag.. and I really don't deserve him. What the hell is my problem? His heart was beating so fast.. oh my lord, im such a douche bag. WHY AM I MESSING WITH HIS HEART? D: D: D: I'm so selfish… ):

Wow, i never really realized how immature i was until i started 'dating' him. We freaking don't even talk at school. I feel like i can't even talk to anyone, about anything real anymore.

I'm going to do that notebook thing..

I feel so freaking lame lately. Like honestly I don't have any friends at dc, except for brenden, and he's the only one who i avoid. LOSERLOSERLOSER.

09/04/10

Soccer today, middletown christian 7-0 (: whoot whoot. Brenden came.. hahaha he is seriously such a good boyfriend. I need to try harder for him..

09/06/10

We just got back from vacation! (:

we went to athens. brenden me avery ryan mom dad paul brenna and their parents.

It was close to a 2 hour drive up there. I like holding his hand. He freaking tells me everything about his life, and what does he get in return? Nothing. I'm an idiot. I need to tell him about felix, and just the truth. I want him to know the real me. I want him to like me for me. I like him for him. I really do like him. I'm actually really excited about our relationship. I just want us to be cooler at school.  I think im finally over felix. Honestly this time. i was in love with him, but that was then, and he's never going to come back into my life again so i need to get over it because God has better plans. I was acting all depressed when I told brenden that I couldn't tell him what had happened, my " dirty laundry " or whatever. I think he thinks I was like a slut with cory or something. I don't mean to be deceiving to him, i just always get depressed whoever I think about him. I need to stop thinking about him is all. I wonder if I ever will tell brenden about felix..

09/12/10

My mom and dad went out to this one party last night. They said all the kids had to get out of the house cause avery and brenden were both over. So my parents kicked us out and I finally got to drive alone with him in his car. Haha. It was fun. We ended up going to his work and seeing the dirt bike place behind it. It looked sweet. He had a bunch of scabs all over his knuckles, I asked him what they were from. He told me that he got them at work and i said it looked like he punched something. Later on we went to bares and knobles and just looked around and talked and whatnot. We got some books and then went and sat down. I sat on his lap and he eventually got the whole felix nonsense out of me.. He doesn't know about the part were i fell in love with him yet, but I'll eventually tell him.. hopefully. I told him about the bulimic thing.. but not about the cutting… eventually it will come out. I think he might think that like felix for real raped me or something though? Cause I like tried to explain everything but Im not really sure if it came out right. And cause after I told him about the felix thing, he just turned his head to the side and said that he felt like he should punch something.  I guess it was good to tell him, but i don't want him getting mad. I think it's weird how when people get sad or something bad happens they just decide to punch something. I don't get angry like that, it's just kinda odd for me. But then this morning we went to church. My whole family went except for ryan and then his mom and friend jeremy went. I don't think jeremy likes me very much. He always just gives me a look like he hates me… i honestly could care less though. Ha, i think it's actually pretty funny that that doesn't bother me one bit. If i went to boro that probably would bug me a lot. Idk why. I like brenden though.  (:

09/15/10

Ryan's birthday is two days away. I want to get him something special, to let him know that I really do care about him. I don't know what to get him though. Hey God? Wanna help ms out? Hahha, woah. I'm a loser. But really though. I want to let him know that I'm always here for him. He would loose so much respect for me if he knew i took that vicodine. The problem is that I honestly want to do it again. It wasn't even that good the first time around and yet for some stupid reason i just want more. I just want to be happy. I've been so freaking depressed the past couple of days. Honestly. I don't even know what to do about the whole brenden thing. I just think that me and him are way too much alike to even be dating. Were not good for each other, and yet at the same time I feel like I really should start opening up to him. I mean I complain all the time about not having anyone to talk to and then God gives me b and i all the sudden act like I don't even want him… I don't know what in the world i want. I hate the fact that I feel like I can't get close to anyone at Dayton Christian. Like honestly. I really don't have any friends. i think it's because I just feel like people bore me. I don't even know what it is. It's just like I feel like im so much better than everyone else there and getting to know people would just be a waste of my time. I'm such a cooky little brat. I hate the way boor has made me look at life. UGH, i'm so confused these days. Me and barenden never even talk about anything significant anymore… i hate it. I wish i had the men parts to call him right now. But of course. I don't.  

10/29/10

me and brenden broke up. i hate myself so much more than ever. he is everything i could ever want, and yet I'm the one who brought it up.  

i miss him. Im so stupid ):

i just feel like he doesn't try at all.

he dones't even look at me during art class… ever

would never even think about calling me.

stops texting me when im in a bad mood or say something stupid.

Honestly if you want everything to be okay then i would want you to take some inititivate. cause honestly right now i feel like tanner, your best friend, is more comfortable with talking to me that you are. Like i don't freaking mean to make everything awkward but i don't know how to have a boyfriend at school. Like do you want me to sit with you at lunch? Do you what me to walk with you to your classesl? And half of this crap i feel like you should want to do for me, ilke your the guy. the guy is supposed to do that kind of stuff for the girl.

And then about the whole felix thing.. do you remember when i told you in athens that if i told you my intense little thing then you would feel differently and it would change just about everything? Well, i knew it would. So i just told you a portion of it, trying to make it seem like something else to cover up for what it actually was because i didn't want to tell you. Like i told you he took advantage of me, which he did on only one ocation

^^ this was from awhile ago..

____________________________________________________________________

Every day, ever day, I slowly pass him in the hallway

instead of pouring out, i looked the other way

i don't know what im doing anymore

he's bored.

Life  on standby.

August 1st 2010

We have 23 days left until school starts and I don't know weather to be excited, or discouraged. I don't want to be a sophomore. At all. Time is slipping by too fast. I wish i could pause everything once in awhile.

i feel like i need to become a more entergetic person. Live and love life more, ya know? I think I'm going to ask the doctor about some medicine again, and just see what she says. Dang it. That's tomorrow  D: Ugh.

Okay so today Brooke and I had a much needed get together today. Mom and I went to go pick her up. It was pretty much a silent car ride so she after we got out of the car she asked why. I told her about the night before and how Ryan got caught and everything. Not everything everything, just the nesceties. We were going to ride our bikes to the pool so we decided to get changed. She went into the bathroom, and my mom walked in the room. She started cring and hugged me. I felt so bad for her. I love her so much. Later that day me and Brooke went to the Greenleaf Village Pool, bike rode to Cold Stone and then rode to CVS and sat on their floor and looked at magazines for about an hour. It was relaxing…. this reminds me. I need to bring that Cold Stone Guy his $1.68 back. Crapppp, I need to do that tomorrow. Anyyyyways, then I went to soccer, and Lauren came over. I didn't tell her about Ryan.

Later tonight Tanner was texting me and then eventually just called me. I guess he heard from Caitlyn Mcquin that I 'liked' Andrew Combs for awhile and he was asking me if I liked bad boys.. I told him that I used to. But that I was really happy that Brenden wasn't like that because I was trying to turn over a new leaf. I told him about Cory, and how much of a douche he was, and how he tried to force me into doing stuff with him. I told Tanner that I was glad that Brenden wasn't like that. He asked what all I had done, and I told him. He said he wouldn't tell Brenden though. He said that Brenden had a lot of doubts if I actually liked him or not. I told him I would reasure him. Cause I honestly do like him a lot. I feel like me and him were kinda put on this path for a reason. Like with the whole birthday thing, the dog thing, the Felix/Yannik thing. God has some kind of plan. I can feel it already. As for the whole me and him kissing thing, I just told Tanner that if it happens then it happens. That I kind of want to wait and get to know him better but it's whatever if we don't. And then Tanner told me something really interesting. He said that I should talk to Brenden about everything that I've done with guys and like my past and all. Because apparently Brenden has been through some crap too. Which oh my lord, I freaking have telepathy because I was just telling Brooke that I thought he was hiding something. Apparently Brenden had been involved with a court hearing that went on for over a year ? He didn't tell me a lot about it. And honestly I'm glad he didn't I want to hear the real story from Brenden. Ha, Tanner is such a good friend. He is always looking out for people. And always knows exactly what to say. That kid's pretty great if I do say so myself.

I hope Brenden's not doing anything tomorrow because at this point I really want him to come over. I hope he can come in my room. Haha. I don't know why that's such a big deal to me.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 3rd 2010

I chickened out at the doctors office the other day. I don't know why. My doctor is just kind of intimidating, I guess. I was just glad that I didn't have to get any shots. Thank Jesuss. Oh, and Cold Stone. Ugh. I forgot about that too. I bet that guy thinks that me and Brooke just ran for it. Haha, he was such a weird guy though. I really hope when we eventually do pay him back then I don't have to give the money to the fat flirt. Hm, that's mean. I probably shouldn't say that. I really am such a bitch these days.. ? Okay so after the doctor today me and my dad went out for lunch at Frishes, it was really nice. And needed. I really do love him. It just always feels like he is so consumed with Ryan and his life that he sometimes forgets about the rest of us. I honestly hope that we can become close.  I mean everyone has their faults, but my dad really is a cool guy. When my mom got home from work we went and picked up Jenny and Lindsay to go boating with Megan and her dad at Ceasers Creek. Alyssa, Megan, Jenny, Lindsay Brydon, and me all went. Tubing is so much fun, but I got a lot of bruises from it today. Ha, Brenden went to the Scream the Prayer concert tonight, and he said that when he was moshing he thinks that he might have broken some kids nose. Ha, poor kid! I would be so pissed at him, but apparently he was really cool about it. I think it's weird that he saw Erica there and she didn't even talk to him. I really wonder why she's so different online than she is in person. I should text her. Anyways, it's 12:06 and I gotta work tomorrow, sooo I'm thinking that I should probably go to bed now. Brenden's coming over tomorrow too, (:  Hopefully I can talk to him.. about everything.. well see though.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 4, 2010

I went to work, and got my eyes dilated today, Brenden didn't come over. I'm to tired to write anything else.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 5th, 2010

t's really annoying when you get off work early but you can't go home, and you can't go to Barenes and Noble and you forgot your phone at home and there's nothing better to do than sit in the car and write about nonsense. Oh well. Apparently were getting a cat today? Well, not we, more like Ryan is, but still! A cat :D He wants to name it Brenden.. and the cat is a girl. Hahaha. What a werido. I really like Hannah Combs, she like for real inspirational. She makes me want to do something great with my life. Honestly, I think I want to start designing clothes. Sewing is so theripuitical, I love it. And honestly this is something that I've wanted to do since I was like in the second grade when I cut up these once jeans and decided to make a purse out of it. I don't know. I'm gonna see if Debbie could help me make a homecoming dress, that would be the start (: And I need to re-learn how to start my mom's sewing machine so I can actually do some work at the house too. We'll see. I feel like in every entry there is always something about Brenden. Wow, I'm kind of a creep. You would think that we have been dating for years or something. But no, I just fall hard. Really hard. And even though I hate to admit it, I am a creep. It's actually kind of sad. I need to go to the library today. I want to see if they actually have CD's that I would like there. Omg, and if they do the library will soon become my new favorite place. / I need to finish The Catcher And The Rye. That book honestly freaks me out. It reminds me of Ryan's life a little bit. I feel like it helps me understand how guys react when they are depressed. They'll never admit it. They just run from it. Holden and Ryan have that in common. I've been mean to him lately. I should start trying again. I love that kid.. Mom's here. Were going to Staup to get school clothes. Mmm.

Laterrr;

I was looking through my mothers text messages today. It was random. I wasn't really snooping just bored and that was something to do. But I found text messages from Avery to my mom. She said that Ryan was spending the night at Kevin Kash's. He never even goes over there. I think it's kinda sad that Avery can straight up lie to my mother. I don't know. I'd probably do the same thing if I had their lives.

August 6th 2010

I hate texting, with so much passion.. I never know what to say and then i always make these weird awkward long pauses, and i feel like I'm such an idiot. Well I guess i kinda am for making such a simple thing such a big deal though.. I don't know. Honestly though, I think me and Brenden have something, and I'm really just afraid I'm going to jack it up. I really don't want to jack it up. Why in the world would he like someone like me? I truly just do not understand. Anyways though, I guess a lot of things have happened since the last time that I updated you. We got the cat (: Her name is Cat.. very original right isn't it? No. Actually she was already named when we got her so Ryan just wanted to keep the name. Oh, and the other thing that I just wanted to state. The whole michael incident.

OK. Well, for starters yesterday morning I accidentally left my phone at the house instead of taking it with me. Which you already knew ^ And as soon as I got home I went to the kitchen where I knew I had put it that morning and found my big vera bradley bag and everything that I had previously put in it except for my phone. I spent the next half an hour re-tracking my steps going through everything trying to see where I could have put it. I asked everyone in my family if they had seen it, and everyone.. including mike's responses were, " oh my gosh kelsey, you always loose your phone " so I just kept on looking. I went to soccer practice, and then came home and once again asked everyone if they had seen it. They hadn't. I proceeded to spend the next two hours cleaning my room, cleaning my bathroom, cleaning the car, in an attempt to find my phone. Nothing was working. So then at 12am I finally got frustrated. I went down the stairs and once more asked my mom about the phone. She told me to go downstairs and see if Ryan had taken it. Considering the fact that he was grounded and it seemed logical that he would want a phone to text his friends and whatnot. So, not having any hope I went downstairs and called my phone, once again. I heard a vibrate, and then another. And there it was, I found it. Hidden underneath the couch cousin. Furious. I jerked Ryans door open and started yelling at him. He was asleep. Waking Ryan up in this way was not one of my best ideas. One that I will never try again. He cussed me out, and then I realized that he didn't do it. And then, after contemplating for a second, I realized that Michael had done it. I ran up the stairs and then laid it out. Oh, I was furious. It actually accidentally got caught on my voicemail, while I was in the act of chewing him out. It rather funny actually, now looking back.. In the moment though, I seriously could have punched the life out of that kid. And I wanted to soooo badly. You have no idea. That's just one of those type of things that happens once every five years of so where my anger just overwelhms me and I lose all my self control. But I didn't touch him. I am quite proud of myself. That took a lot out of me. Then of course I had to start crying to my mother and force her to take his i touch away for awhile. She agreed, and actually followed through. I was amazed. That most deffinately had been a first. I think me and him are cool now though. In the end I realized that he was just mad about the crap that happened the day I got my eyes dilated.. I'm not going to tell that story though. That can just be one that I forget. Hopefully. Anyways though, Cat is so cute. She really is the nicest cat I think I've ever met. Exactly the opposite of Reese. Thank Jesus.

Todayy: went to work, exhausted. Got Bravo from a drug rep. Went shopping, got a dress and school pants. Chilled. Saw Charlie St. McCloud with Jen. We talked about Jullian. it was interesting. I wonder what will happen this upcoming year… Grandpa's b-day tomorrow! Brenden's coming(: , I didn't tell him about Cat yet. Ha. I think it's hilarious when were just talking I can talk to him, but when I make the slightest little flirt then he just stops texting me. I wonder what's going through his head right now. He would never tell me if i asked him though. Oh well. I'm kind of tired. I hope I can sleep.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 7th 2010

I really don't know what God wants. He lied to me. Would he lie to me again? I'm confused, so freaking confused. I thought he was a good kid. I thought he was going to be different one, the one who made me a good kid again. He asked me tonight if me knowing about his past changed anything. I just told him it only made it better. Why would I say that. Why in the world would I tell him that. This changes everything. I don't even know if I want to like him anymore.. I hate this whole deciding free will crap. I really don't know what God wants for me. Does he want me to stay with Brenden and just be there for him and try to help him? Or does he want me to dropkick him to the curb just so that he knows I'm fully devoted to him. ? I don't know… I told Brenden he could trust me, so I 'm not going to even say what he did. I'll keep it to myself. I really don't even know how I feel right now, or where I stand. I don't even think he likes me anyways. ):

Oh, and I puked again tonight. Right before he came over. Joy.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 8th 2010

I really hate myself so much. I don't know why I think and act like I'm such an angel all the time. I'm not at all. Atleast Ryan can be trusted. At least he doesn't lie to his friends just to take anvangtage of someone. I really hate myself so much. I'm a psychopathic lier and I can't be trusted. Why would I do that to someone who I love so much. I'm such a jerk. I don't deserve to be able to talk to him. I guess it's every person for themselves. I can't trust, and I can't be trusted. I'm going to keep brenden's secret. And if I don't. Then I don't deserve him or anyone else anyways.

I need to tell Brenden the truth about my past. The truth about Felix, the truth about everything. I don't know if I can. I don't even know if I know the real truth I've lied so many times.

it was only three months and a half months. He came at the end of August, left in the middle of November. That was the worst Thanksgiving I have ever had. When I first saw him I automatically knew that it wasn't a good idea for him to be here. He was 17 and I was only 11. From that very first cookout I knew I would start liking him. A couple weeks after he had been staying here I found out that he was a cutter. I feel like that was one thing that most deffinately brought us closer. We were both depressed out of our minds. We were each others therapy. We didn't even have to talk about what we were depressed about. We would just talk about anything and it would make us feel alive, like we were real people. He made me feel like a real person. I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. He truely ment everything to me. And I'm still not over him. I never want to date anyone else because I feel like it's unfair to them. I'm always comparing them to Felix. Like with Cory. I didn't even like Cory. I just wanted to feel loved again. And even though he said that he loved me, I always knew it was a lie. He just wanted someone to  someone to take advantage of. But I was okay with that. I honestly don't think that i will love anyone ever again. It sucks. It really sucks.

Oh my freaking lord, im such a freak.

Later;

Brenden: Hey!

Me: Hey, what's up?

Brenden: Just watching tv, you?

Me: Talking to kelly on the phonee, lol.

Brenden: Lol, did she like dc?

Me: Ha, yeah. She said she'll know for sure weather she's going or not like this week. (:

Brenden: Ha, ok thats cool.

Me: Mhm(:

…

Me: Bleh, okay so I have a question.

Brenden: Yeah?

Me: Do you even like me? Honestly?

Brenden: Are you kidding me? Of course I do. Like really like you, and I mean it. Are you asking this cause of what i told you yesterday? And do you even like me?

Me: Mm, yeah. Lol, I like you a lot. I don't know i just don't want you to feel like you were forced into anything like with everyone else. And idk, everything that you told me yesterday has just been bothering me a lot. I don't know why.  I should just get over it.

Brenden: Trust me I wasn't forced into liking you. And :( i'm sorry what exactly has been bothering you? i knew this would change something.

Me:  Like im glad you told me just cause i really want us to be honest with each other. (even though im not honest with him) But it just bothers me. I don't even know why. And I'm not trying to judge you. i know it's your past and everything but I just feel like your not completely over it.. Do you think you are?

Brenden: Honestly I do, I haven't been doing any of the stuff i did at all this year. i hope you can trust me. If you don't think we'll work out i'd like to know cause i don't start liking you more then you tell me.

Me: Okay, i trust you. but if your ever going to smoke please just tell me. I don't want to take all the fun out of your life, i just want to know. And honestly i really think that we will, idk. I just have a good feeling about this(:

Brenden: Okay, and i don't plan on smoking i have a reason not to now and i don't need it in my life and i'm glad cause i hope we do:)

The end,  

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 10th 2010

Well I guess it's the 11th but I'm just going to lie and say it's the 10th because I haven't fallen asleep yet so for me it's still the 10th. Anyways.. It seems like I've worked the whole day. Actual work, then soccer tryouts then running again, dinner, and now all that's left is sleep. I watched that movie that Alyssa's mom recommended. Goodwill hunting. It was actually pretty good, I liked it a lot. I don't think I'll tell Alyssa about it though. It's sad that we spent that entire vacation together and were still not even that close that we can talk about stupid crap like that. I don't know why. I really don't like Liz, and Allison when they're together. Soccer is going to be so annoying. Honestly I like Catlynne though. She seems like a real person. The other two just get on everyone's nerves though. And it's really obvious. Kinda sad, but obvious. Jenny asked me to get her a pregnancy test from work today. I feel so freaking' bad for that girl. Apparently her and Jullian are officially over now.. for the 3rd time. They had a big fight and he said that she was just a mistake. I swear I would kick that guy in the balls if she would let me. I really love Jenny. And she really doesn't deserve this crap. I wonder what's going to happen next year… Oh my lord. I seriously do not know how to talk, to like anyone. I'm so freaking werid. I can't even spell weird right. W-E-I-R-D. Whatever. I need to read my drivers education book.  

I have to go,

Anyways, Goodnight.

UGH, WHY ARE ALL MY FRIENDS TALKING TO MY BROTHER.

I truly wonder if Jen even like me or if she's just in it for all my brother's friends dicks..

One more thing, I want to see 'where the wild things are'. OK. I'm really going to read now.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 11th 2010

I stole Jen some condoms today. Hahahahaha, it was actually quite thrilling. I hope my mom doesn't find them and think that I'm slutty. She'd be so pissed if she found them. Hahah, that'd be so funny. Anyways, my grandparents took me to the Project Blessing helping thing today. We served 140 homeless people lunch, and I got 2 hours of community service. Yay! But it was really sad though. There was one kid there that looked maybe a year or so younger than me. He didn't have anyone with him, it was just him alone. I gave him an extra brownie. Honestly though, I wonder what it would have been like if my mom and dad didn't call the cops the one night I ran away. I wonder how far I would have gone to get away from them. I wonder what that kids story was. As the people went through the line getting their food I couldn't help but think about what all their stories were. They have probably all been through such hell, and yet I freaking run away from my 'perfect' life wishing to be one of them. I'm an idiot.

crap, i have work tomorrow. D:

Anyways goodnight.

August 12th 2010

Oh life. I don't like talking about politics, I don't like talking about war. These are things that I personally will never be able to change whatsoever. Blah blah blah, one person can make a difference = false. Fate is going to happen weather we like it or not, and I feel like we have to pick and choose what we want to focus on in our lives. Honestly, I don't think I will vote when Im 18. War is so pointless, childish. He hit me so I'm going to hit him back. Except in the United States we just try to be the parents in the situation and discipline anyone who's 'out of line'. Whatever, I guess it's a good thing in the end. Somebody has to stand up in this world. I just feel like it doesn't have to result in nuclear bombing, instead we could talk things through. Make treedies, and get along, were are all human. When you actually think about life it can get really scary. I don't even want to know half of anything that's going on, I just want to live and spread love to people in anyway that I can. We can only live life for at most a century. Why would anyone want to know half the crap that happens on wallstreet. Your just going to find out a lot of crap that you never knew before and you know what? There's nothing you can do about any of it. Except vote, and that's nothing. I bet even that has been rigged before. So why? Fate will happen regardless.  

I have come to the conclusion that I do not know anything. And honestly, I'm okay with that…. hold on. Kelly is crying.

August 13th 2010

Made varsity! #15 (;

Kelly's over right now, were going to the pool and then going to the green later with brooke wells, (:

Ryan's being a creep and trying to hit on Kelly all the time and it's really pissing me off. Oh and, I had a really weird dream last night but kelly's here so I can't really write anything down cause she'd see. Hahaha. Okay well were going to the pooooool, so bye.

Anyways, Good afternoon.

August 15th 2010

"LOSE ANOTHER DAY HERE, LOSE ANOTHER YEAR HERE, IM WITH YOU." I love silverstein so freaking' much. No one even understands. They are so fantastic.

Yep, so at this point i pretty much just got over what happened. Kelly and ryan = hook-up. Great. Ryan is really gross sometimes. Oh well, I only see Kelly like once every month and next time we hangout ryan won't be grounded so it'll all be fine. Okayyyy, so i haven't texted Brenden in like two days. I don't know if thats bad or not. I don't really understand the whole text thing. I don't know what he wants. I don't even know what I want. Ugh, annoyed already. I wanna hangout with him tomorrow. I'm such a nerd. I got a lot of new clothes today:D Platos classt, wet seal, forever 21 anddddd, glitter. it was fun, shopping with Ryan is a lot different than shopping with my mother. Me and Kelly went to Jenny's party today. It was actually really boring. I honestly don't even care about seeing anyone that went to her stupid party. I freaking' hate most the people that go to dc. Everyone there is just so annoying for some reason. I really don't have anything in common with like any of them. It's kinda sad that I'm gonna have to spend the next three years with these people. BLEH, oh well. Honestly if me and Brenden don't work out then I honestly don't think I'll date anyone all of highschool, and frankly i'm cool with that. Like i want me and him to work out, like really bad. But if we don't then it'll be for the better. Then i won't have to deal with getting my heart broken and i won't have to deal with breaking his. It'll same some tears. Ugh, i don't know. Maybe tears are better. I don't know.  Ohhhh, my lord. me and kelly went to Apex today. It was sad. I always feel like the biggest a-hole whenever i go to a service there. Like during the end i said the shortest little prayer, 'hey God, I'm sorry." And seriously almost started crying like right in front of Kelly. I wish that I wouldn't get so side tracked all the time.

Like for example the whole Owen thing. And how he was gonna get me the stuff, and then we were gonna go to Alex's house and get it tonight.. And I just feel like such an idiot. Like honestly I just told myself never again and then two days later, I simply don't care anymore. Highschool is going to be hard. I hope that me and Mary are tight next year. i feel like she's a good influence on me. I don't know. i really love her though, no matter what any one else says. I don't care what they say. She's fantastic. It's 2 am. I need some sleep.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 16th 2010

I think it's really weird how I just started listening to silverstein again and how I was thinking about luke and how he doesn't like them at alll, and then the next day luke posts "my two favorite bands are.. yada yada and silverstein sucks.. sorry kelsey beatty. " and he tagged me in it. lol i don't know why but weird crap like that happens to me all the time.I don't know what it is. It's like my mind already knows what's going to happen, and it's just waiting for it. I don't know. Brenden texted me today. I'm glad he did. Hhaha, i think we have this little thing going on to see who can wait it out the longest without texting each other. Ryan has a catscan tomorrow for his arm… not the hand that he broke but the arm that he broke like 3 years ago. Apparently it's like not in the right place or something. I don't really know, but my mom said that he's probably going to have to have surgery on it. I went in his room today and asked him if he would go pick up Ariel so we could hangout. He was with Paul and Rohan.. and his eyes were completely red. Like really? In the middle of the day? I don't understand him. I thought he said he would stop. I guess not… ugh. He is like one of the main reasons why I feel like I haveta refuse to have fun anymore, well him and brenden. Owen texted me the other day and said that he would for sure get me and my friends some booze if we wanted it. I told him yes, and acted like I was completely into it. I know I can't though. I have to much will power not to. Which is good I guess, it's just annoying to see everyone else having fun and I know I can't. (jen ariel avery ryan rohan paul kelly) and that's just everyone who I've been in contact with in the past two days. How freaking' sad. I'm glad I'm not like that. "A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it" I forget who said that, but I really love that quote. Soccer was interesting tonight. Mrs. Orme is seriously the greatest coach, or better yet, person that I think I have ever met. She is sooo freaking'  influential. Like all of the talks that she gives just make me want to be a better soccer player, and a better person. She always says that the only reason we are playing soccer is #1 to give the glory to God, and make him be known through our playing. Everything she says just makes me want to give my all during soccer season. But then when it comes down to everything religious I just feel like a terrible person. Honestly, what happened between me and God? I thought this summer would give me time to get closer to Him, read the word and go to church a lot. Instead I have just focused on a ton of other things.. work, soccer, and brenden. I keep telling myself that I really don't want to be bored, but maybe that's what I honestly need the most. Just some time off to be with Him. I don't know though. Whenever I go through these little religious movements I always go too far in the other direction and then end up relapsing instead of slowly progressing. I need some help I feel like.. like someone like melanie or shannon. I don't know. Kelly has been so extremely annoying ever since she came over yesterday. Oh my lord. She can never ever ever be serious about one thing. Honestly I truely think she needs some more medicine or something. I feel like she's the type of person that you can only hangout with like once a month or too and not get sick of, but everyday? Honestly? How can she stand herself every single day? It's confusing to me. Hahah, I just had a flashback to the first time me and Brenden hangout, hahaha. Wendys. lmbo. That was a really funny day. Woe, I'm super off topic. I do that a lot, don't I? Oh well I pulled a muscle at soccer today, my quad. It hurts.. okay anyways RE-CAP. Woke up this morning, went to the pool with ariel, paul and rohan were over, my mom got mad, went to soccer, pulled my quad, went to drug mart, saw brooke there, came home 9pm took a shower, ate dinner, texted brenden, got on the comp, now, going to bed.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 19th 2010

Today was freaking' terrible. Oh my lord.

Stayed up until 3 am doing absolutely nothing on Facebook. Woke up late for work. Had to work until 4. Came home, half an hour late for soccer. Mom yelled at me. Dad yelled at me. Accidently left my phone at home, along with the  soccer shoe that just so happened to fall out of my bag and onto the side walk just before I got into the car. Thennnn finally after all this crap, I started my period and was wearing white shorts. Oh and then after soccer practice we had to go to this meeting for all sports and basically my entire school was there and everyone saw the little 'accident'… fml. My eyes are blood shot and I just ate dinner, and it's only what? 10:30 pm. Dinner, who the heck eats dinner at 10:30? Only my family. Whatever though. I need to get new soccer shoes. And update my itunes, a lot. And I'm really tired right now, so yeah.

Anyways, Goodnight.

August 20th 2010

Today was the day that I met Felix for the first time. Four years ago. It was on his birthday. I remember being really excited to meet him, wondering if he would be weird. I remember getting his present, a soccer ball, and a bible. I wonder if he still has it? I really don't know why God did this to me.. I miss him so much. I honestly don't think I'll ever get over this.

August 21 2010

A lot has happened within the last couple days. BUT ariel is here right now..

August 22 2010

It's 2:10am. Ariel is over.

August 23th 2010

Oh myy lord. Okay so everyone's gone now and i actually have some free time to talk about everything that has happened. Ughhhhh. Alright.

Soooo, basically the main highlight of everything right now issues brenden asked me out.. yeah. Haha(: Me and Ariel went over to his house last night and it was really boring until when we left and dan dickerson took us to the linden wall, it was just kinda random and pretty much really just freaked me out, a lot. Like why would he take us to Dayton out of all places. I don't really get it. But whatever, we had nothing else to do so why not. When we were walkingloike over to the wall area these two random kids passed us. Brenden knew them.. Amusing. It was almost ten on a saturday night and they were just riding bikes around dayton. And he knows those kids. Funny stuff. If he used to do all that stuff i really don't know why he would take us down there. I told him it was really sketchy and then we just decided to leave and go to steak and shake. I got a hamburger and ariel got this huge giant thing of cheese fries. And she ate the whole thing. Hhahaha, she was acting like she was so high that night. Like honestly our red-haired creepy waiter even asked her if she was smoking something. And then he asked tanner if he knew a kid named luke cause he looked exactly like him. Haahha, he was creepin like crazy. But honestly it was really awkward and it was fun but you could tell brenden wasn't having that much fun so it made it not really that fun. But then we just came home and watched saw 3 and talked alittle bit, and then my mom came like really early and was just waiting in the drive-way. I told her that I didn't want to… this part is pointless. But then we ended up staying until like 1:30ish and he walked me and ariel outside and then he was like, " sooo I have kinda been wanting to ask you something, like all night. " and i was just like really confused and wanted to know what it was. So i was like " hahha what? " and then he was like " do you want to go out " and then I was like flipping out and was smiling like crazy and was really excited and hugged him and everything and it was really cute. But then like the next day at church it was just like really weird. Cause I feel like we didn't really talk at alll, like he came in late and kelly and ariel were sitting there with me and like the sermon started so i felt like we should probably be quiet and everything… but it was just weird like even afterwards and everything. Like we got begals and I felt like I couldn't even eat them. Like I honestly can't even eat at all in front of him. I don't know what it is. And while i was walking out the door I felt ilke i was just gonna puke and it was really bad. And super awkward and  i don't know. I want to be able to be comfortable around him is all. My mind just goes completely blank whenever im around him, I can't stand it. I hope schools not awkward. But I feel like it might be sooo maybe I should like pre-plan what I'm gonna do. Like should I go to his locker? Even though it's in the jounior hall way and I'm all the way in the freshman hall? No, i don't think so. I don't know.

KAY WHATEVER, different subject. Lmao, initiation for soccer was so funny.

August 24th 2010

I annoy the hell out of myself quite often. First day of school! I like most of my classes, except, 4th and 5th period. Them are crapppp. And I didn't see brenden all day except for lunch and then we had art after. He slept like the entire time though. i really honestly think he regrets asking me out. Like to be official or whatever.. i don't know. We'll play it out. Hopefully this gets better.

August 28th 2010

Wow, ever since school has started I feel like I never have enough time to actually write on this thing. Well anyways I'll just tell everything. FROM THE TOP.

I think I'm going to like school this year. I have pretty good classes.

1) Bible with mr. bulinka. Kaitlynn, noah, grant, gabby, and some other people are in that class. We normally don't do anything important. And he said that the best way to get a good grade in his class is to do well on the projects. So I think I'll be good at that.

2) Math with mrs. folkerts. I have a ton of people in that class, and it's probably not a good thing because this lady already sucks as a teacher and I already feel like I'm forsure not going to learn anything. Luke is the T-A in that class. Oh my lord, that kid is the most awkward child I think I have ever met. It's actually quite scary.

3) computers with mr. farmer. Hahah, i love that man.. There's this kid named scott in that class… he's really short and really fat. When I saw him for the first time I was honestly scared, but I sit right beside him in this class and I could tell he really didn't want to talk or anything but I was just casual with him and was nice to him and all. And then at lunch he went to go sit with megan songer and this one other girl and then as soon as he sat down with them they btw got up and he was just sitting there all alone. My table went to and sat with him. We talked to him, and he just seems really quiet and depressed and I feel really bad for the kid. I wanna become friends with him. I don't know. We'll see.

4) US history, with mrs conway. Jen, allison, heath, conner, megan, noah, and some other people are in this class… oh and there's this new kid in that class named tim. He's really cute, but most likely a pot head i'm thinking. I don't know. I'll haveta get to know him… ohhhh and then there's luke. Haha, he's in that class to. It's so freaking' awkward from last year and everything that went down. I was late the first day that I walked in that class. And seriously, the only freaking seat open in the entire room was right behind luke folkerts. Great, right. He just stared at me when I sat down. Said absolutely nothing and just sat. I kinda feel bad that he doesn't have like any friends at all in that class, but honestly im not going to be the first one to go up and have a chat with him. I have a boyfriend now. I really don't want him getting the wrong impression or anything. Eh, ew.

5) Hon. Biology with mr. Norvelll. There are literally 3 sophomores in that class. It's pretty sad, atleast I have drew bell. He's a funny child. Such a pill popper but he's alright. I like him. Mr. Norvell is seriously the oddest guy I think I have ever met in my life. He acts like bill nei the science guy like crazyyyy. I enjoy him a lot though. He tries really hard, and I think Im going to learn a lot in his class this year(:

lunch- ehhhh, whatever.

6) Art with mr. Gnagey. Brenden's in that class(: It's super boring, but I'm glad we have a class together though. It's better than nothing at all.

7) English with Mr. K. He's probably my favorite teacher. Honestly. He's so freaking' cool. He goes to apex, and is a real genuine person. I like him.

This year is going to be really interesting. I feel ilke I have changed and grown up a lot already. It's really weird, really really weird. l really don't want to grow up. I just want to stay young and innocent for as long as possible. I'm really completely done with my little insecure phase.. honestly I think I lost some of my left brain. Forreal. It sucks. I can even write better with my right hand lately. It's supa freaky.

… LATER

Me and brenden kissed tonight (:

Lauren was over and it was really awkward at first. We never talk when other people are around us, but if it's just me and him together then everything is fine then. We walked all around the golf course and just talked, it was really nice. Then later whenever he had to leave i made him give me his shirt cause it smelled really good and he changed up in my room, then we went out to his car and hugged.. we were just there like in the moment. His heart was beating so fast. And then I looked up.. and we talked about it, and we kissed. We both suck at kissing. Haha, I hope we get better.

I still miss felix, but I know this is all part of God's plan.. Whatever happens happens.

I think im gonna see if he wants to do that notebook thing though. Lol, I hope he does. I already have a notebook decorated. (:

August 29th 2010

I'M SUCH AN IDIOT. IT'S BEEN 4 FREAKIN' YEARS. GET OVER THIS KID. FML. He jacked me up so much.

September 1, 2010

I wish I was a cool person. It sucks when you spend your whole life trying to create yourself and in the end you hate who you are. I don't know what to do.

I shouldn't have kissed brenden. I was just bored, and he actually does care. This was his first real time kissing a girl. and I wasn't even that into it. I'm a douche bag.. and I really don't deserve him. What the hell is my problem? His heart was beating so fast.. oh my lord, im such a douche bag. WHY AM I MESSING WITH HIS HEART? D: D: D: I'm so selfish… ):

Wow, i never really realized how immature i was until i started 'dating' him. We freaking don't even talk at school. I feel like i can't even talk to anyone, about anything real anymore.

I'm going to do that notebook thing..

I feel so freaking lame lately. Like honestly I don't have any friends at dc, except for brenden, and he's the only one who i avoid. LOSERLOSERLOSER.

09/04/10

Soccer today, middletown christian 7-0 (: whoot whoot. Brenden came.. hahaha he is seriously such a good boyfriend. I need to try harder for him..

09/06/10

We just got back from vacation! (:

we went to athens. brenden me avery ryan mom dad paul brenna and their parents.

It was close to a 2 hour drive up there. I like holding his hand. He freaking tells me everything about his life, and what does he get in return? Nothing. I'm an idiot. I need to tell him about felix, and just the truth. I want him to know the real me. I want him to like me for me. I like him for him. I really do like him. I'm actually really excited about our relationship. I just want us to be cooler at school.  I think im finally over felix. Honestly this time. i was in love with him, but that was then, and he's never going to come back into my life again so i need to get over it because God has better plans. I was acting all depressed when I told brenden that I couldn't tell him what had happened, my " dirty laundry " or whatever. I think he thinks I was like a slut with cory or something. I don't mean to be deceiving to him, i just always get depressed whoever I think about him. I need to stop thinking about him is all. I wonder if I ever will tell brenden about felix..

09/12/10

My mom and dad went out to this one party last night. They said all the kids had to get out of the house cause avery and brenden were both over. So my parents kicked us out and I finally got to drive alone with him in his car. Haha. It was fun. We ended up going to his work and seeing the dirt bike place behind it. It looked sweet. He had a bunch of scabs all over his knuckles, I asked him what they were from. He told me that he got them at work and i said it looked like he punched something. Later on we went to bares and nobles and just looked around and talked and whatnot. We got some books and then went and sat down. I sat on his lap and he eventually got the whole felix nonsense out of me.. He doesn't know about the part were i fell in love with him yet, but I'll eventually tell him.. hopefully. I told him about the bulimic thing.. but not about the cutting… eventually it will come out. I think he might think that like felix for real raped me or something though? Cause I like tried to explain everything but Im not really sure if it came out right. And cause after I told him about the felix thing, he just turned his head to the side and said that he felt like he should punch something.  I guess it was good to tell him, but i don't want him getting mad. I think it's weird how when people get sad or something bad happens they just decide to punch something. I don't get angry like that, it's just kinda odd for me. But then this morning we went to church. My whole family went except for ryan and then his mom and friend jeremy went. I don't think jeremy likes me very much. He always just gives me a look like he hates me… i honestly could care less though. Ha, i think it's actually pretty funny that that doesn't bother me one bit. If i went to boro that probably would bug me a lot. Idk why. I like brenden though.  (:

09/13/10

I think im just faking myself out. It really sucks when you hear a song and you know completely that it's your life, but you can't tell anyone about it because it's not the way it should be.

i live a fake life in order not to hurt anyone, in order to live out what i think god wants of me. He want's me to forget felix but of course.. that's impossible. ef. I don't think I'll ever be stable.. I just fill my life with so many ' things ' to keep me busy just so that i don't haveta focus on the actual state of my being.. i have come to realize that i can't just chill anymore. i have to always be doing something in order for me not to have a mental break down.. and take a bunch of vicodin like what happened the other night. I hate how the crap in my life is just the kind of crap that you normally wouldn't talk about with anyone. i really wish that it just wasn't a big deal.

Honestly, none of this freaking crap would have even happened if he didn't already think that i was hurting.. if i was a outwardly a happy kid then i really don't think that he would have taken advantage of me the way that he did… i don't know… maybe if he thought my innocence wasn't already stolen then he wouldn't have taken it. I hate myself sometimes.

09/14/10

miami valley game today, beat em 2-1. I scored the first goal, hahahahhha. It freaking ricocheted off of kelsey clarks foot. Lmao, ohhh and I took mac out. It was rather hilarious actually. I seriously love God so much. I don't know why I only go to him when it comes to soccer games.. i was thinking about that on the field today.. how everyone always says that they do that.. and i felt like i never did before.. but now since i want it so much more i just pray on the field… Hahah, God is seriously so great though, cause right after I said a prayer in my head on the field then he set me up and that's when I scored. He really does answer prayer.. Uhm, so god? If you can hear me right now as im thinking this out, i just want to say.. Thank you.. for tonight.. and for well showing me that you are present in my life. And that I need to take advantage of that. Lord, I know you have a plan for my life. Please let it unfold, and let me make sure that I give all the glory to you in the process. I love you… i don't even know if i can say that… cause i forsure don't show it… so i guess with where i am in my life right now I really like you lord. Help me to progress. Amen.

….. OH YEAH, AND I FORGOT TO MENTION. The goalie  "kk" or whatever was yelling at the ref and got taken out of the game right before the corner when i scored.. hahha, she was put back in the next play. Funny stuff God. You taught two lessons through that one. Hahaha.

09/15/10

Ryan's birthday is two days away. I want to get him something special, to let him know that I really do care about him. I don't know what to get him though. Hey God? Wanna help ms out? Hahha, woah. I'm a loser. But really though. I want to let him know that I'm always here for him. He would loose so much respect for me if he knew i took that vicodine. The problem is that I honestly want to do it again. It wasn't even that good the first time around and yet for some stupid reason i just want more. I just want to be happy. I've been so freaking depressed the past couple of days. Honestly. I don't even know what to do about the whole brenden thing. I just think that me and him are way too much alike to even be dating. Were not good for each other, and yet at the same time I feel like I really should start opening up to him. I mean I complain all the time about not having anyone to talk to and then God gives me b and i all the sudden act like I don't even want him… I don't know what in the world i want. I hate the fact that I feel like I can't get close to anyone at Dayton Christian. Like honestly. I really don't have any friends. i think it's because I just feel like people bore me. I don't even know what it is. It's just like I feel like im so much better than everyone else there and getting to know people would just be a waste of my time. I'm such a cooky little brat. I hate the way boor has made me look at life. UGH, i'm so confused these days. Me and barenden never even talk about anything significant anymore… i hate it. I wish i had the men parts to call him right now. But of course. I don't.  

09/16/09 I didn't call him last night.. I woke up at 3, then again at 5, and didn't even text him to see if he was awake.. I hate myself. We have a soccer game today. He has work, and I will have homework. This cycle never ends. And I know what I want in my life, but honestly is it even worth it? I freaking have given up my personality, my life, any fun that I could possibly be having, just so that I can get good grades and be a good kid. Just so that I can beat Ryan at something. Why do I need to beat Ryan? I'm an idiot. Why can't I just accept that and move on? I failed my drivers ed test yesterday.

09/16/09

I like being close with my family. They honestly help me so much. I love my dad and my brother. They just make me so happy.. They both are so much like me. Seriosly though, if i don't have anyone to talk to why couldn't i just vent to them? They love me more than any of my friends ever would. So much has happened tonight. After I talked to my dad, I talked to Ryan.. and i just kind of want to talk about that while it's still fresh in my mind so I don't forget like I always do. Well anyways. Ryan has decided that he doesn't want to be a christian anymore and he said that it's probably the best thing that he has ever done. All he does anymore is remain stationary. He likes, philosophy alittle too much. But i love to hear him talk about it. He is trying to go into everyday with the same mindset, looking off of his buhdist poster as a guide. He thinks that budism should not be his religion but rather his practice. Giving to people spreading love being the biggest hippie out there. He says he's not scared of death.. I don't believe him though.

10/01/10

i honestly just fell like an idiot.

10/02/10

nothing.

10/29/10

me and brenden broke up. we both just couldn't understand it anymore. i fight with him all the time, and honestly there's so much silence in our relationship. i would so want to get to know him, but i just can't. he's so introverted, in some ways. i just wish i could morph christian pollard and him into one person.. honestly though, i miss brenden a lot right now, and like last night i told him that i still want to hangout and stuff, but it's honestly just never going to be the same, ever again. he says were on a break, but i think we both know what that means. were done, unless i make an effort to want him back. i don't want to made the effort if he doesn't want to make it either. i don't know what im doing with my life.

10/31/10

today is halloween, but me and brooke trick or treated last night.

11/08/10

Today is Monday.

The days seem to all run together recently. i don't rely know why but time has just sped up extremely quickly for me. I don't really know what happens to all of the hours I think that I have. Recently I have been writing a lot in different journals that I have, and not really documenting anything about my life onto here. I don't really know but I kind of like writing a lot better than typing things on here. I don't know… it's more freeing. But tonight I have a lot to do/ work on school wise so I just figured that typing everything onto here would be a lot easier. School is so stressful recently. I don't know. I think it is mainly just because of science fair in general, and I am slowly beginning to realize just how much I procrastinate literally everything. everything. everything.

I hate that about myself.

OMG. i today in english I literally thought that i had kidney stones. it was bad. my stomach felt like there were knives inside of me piercing my skin from the inside out. it hurt, like hellllll-o. JELLO. Omg i feel in the mood for jello right now. Anyways, let me hit the details.

Brenden and me were talking like this whole weekend and i really wish that I could save like honestly every single text message because i just frankly like talking to him. And i always tell him that things are going to be different but honestly nothing ever seems to change. I know he will never change for me so i frankly know that i just have to. I don't know. I would so want to just be friends with him, but it's like the type of deal where i know he knows that i like him so it's just awkward, idk why. im just like that i guess. like with christian, we text sometimes and frankly he makes me really happy whenever we text but its not at all like that in person, and we even have study hall and everything together. I don't know. I wish i wasn't like the way that i am sometimes, and frankly ive been trying to change myself for a while now, hopefully im getting somewhere.

Anywyayzz; tomorrow!

I am going to walk up to him and hug him and say sorry. and not elaborate at all, and then just talk to him without anything being awkward. Omg, hopefully that's possible.

Ugh, alright i need to set my alarm. I still have to study for my us history test TOMORROW!

D:

Hello. I am Kelsey. I haven't written one of these "about me" things in a really long

time.. but I feel like it puts a lot of things into perspective so therefore.. here is goes.

Im 15. I live in springboro ohio with two loving parents, and two brothers. One pot

head brother and one anti-social brother. I am stuck in the middle,  and seem to

be the most averagely normal one. I go to Dayton Christian School and have been

for currently one full year. I love everything about it.. except for the people. I'm put

in a very selective enviournent and you really have to know who you are in order

to be stable there. I think I know who I am. Sometimes at least. I'm kind of bi-polar

a lot of the time though. Either extremely obnoxiously happy, and in a great mood,

making friends with just about everyone I see, am kind and loving. On the other

hand I am for sure a drab. I am dull, depressed, awkward, all the while trying to

fake a smile when I really wish that I could just cry. I think I need medicine.. I

have a long history of depression in my family. In a nut shell though, I really do

love my family though. We all live in this HUGE house in a really rich neighborhood

even though we don't need or deserve it. I don't like it what-so-ever. I like to

help people. When I get my license I feel like a lot of things are going to

change. I am GOING to spread so much love. And I will do it on my own

in my car. I have so many brilliant ideas. Dayton Street Minestries, making

cookies for everyone, hanging the haunted ghost on peoples doors.

When I get older I want to be a house mom and do everything in my power

to spread love to the world as well as my children. It will be very satisfying.

I am excited about my future. We will live in a small clean house with a

bunch of woods surrounding. I will make all my family eat healthy and

work out and be in good shape.  I will give them freedoms but not too

much. This world is becoming courrpt but my kids will not be corrupt.

I like music it soothes my soul. I like art it calms me down. I like this one

boy named brenden right now. He's perfect, in every single way, except

for the fact that he's so awkward, and absent minded. He doesn't know

how to talk to girls and I don't know how to help him. I'm for sure no

expert. I miss my friends from springboro sometimes. When you truly

find someone who you can trust with your whole heart when you know

their faults and can accept them for the person that they are and still

love them with your whole heart is when you really find a true friend.

Brooke, and demI, lauren and maybe cosette ? I don't know yet though

I'm still getting to know her. I am a good friend, and I like having

good friends. Keeping them is hard though. I hold huge grudges and

am never quick to forgive anyone. I over think everything and make sure

that I never do anything that I would ever regret. Though I sometimes

wish that I could be a bad kid, I would never have it in me. I feel like I

would be a failure if I ever tried anything. Drinking drugs sex, not on

my list. I like to create things. I like origami, I like sewing, knitting, books

intelligent people, soccer, foods, cleaning, music, shoes I need to

broaden my life, I hate wasting my time. Alright, I'm done. Goodbye.  (:

11/24/10

^^ That was just kind of random I know i haven't really written anything for awhile. I have been really busy… it's for sure a lot easier in the summer. It was really interesting though. I had to do science fair this year.. it was about caffeine consumption and how it effects your body while exercising. I guess I learned a little bit about it, but the main thing that I learned was how hard I could work. I literally did not do any of my board or project until right before the day I had to present it to the judges. I literally came home from school at three and worked until 2:30 in the morning. I was exhausted but honestly the next mooring i really did feel well rested and completely fine. From this experience i have learned that it is possible to get anything accomplished. You just have to want to.

11/26/10

I feel like whenever i'm on break or anything I always have time to write on this an update my life. So.. UPDATE.

Everything previuos about ryan "little king" and everything has been found out. The past two years there are no more secrets.. he is completely found out. And now, there is basically a war on drugs in my house. He doesn't even understand how much he effects our family. It's so completely annoying. He got the internet taken away after 12 for everyone. No phone after 10. He gets my parents attention all the time now. He is their main and only concern. My parents are now trying to act like the are super strict when I know it's completely fake. And I guarantee you it's only going to get worse. Our house will be a war zone soon enough. A prison. I'm glad I'm getting my license soon enough. April. That will be the month when EVERYTHING will change. I'm looking forward to it.. Anyways it's late and I can't talk forever but the main reason why i wanted to update in general was because the other day roni and sara came over to my house. Roni was tolerable, but sara was literally cracking jokes about God like three or four times. I really wish that i would have just stood up for myself right then and there. She was in my house. She isn't allowed to do that in my house. That's the exactly like her going to ronis house and cracking gay jokes.. rude and uncalled for. She honestly pisses me off so much. I think the main reason why is because she really reminds me so much of myself. In a lot of ways when i was in the 7-8th grade i was exactly like her. Wanting friends, looking for some one to have fun with, to conform to, and that's the only thing that i knew. Sara is like that know, weather she realizes it or not. She hates whenever people make fun of her… for example when people say that she smells, but then she goes ahead and makes fun of others all the time. Like it's her jobbbbb. Frankly thats where she finds fulfillment. I feel like a lot of people can handle not having a religion.LIke brooke for example she's a happy stable and motivated person. I feel like she wouldn't even understand the point of having a religion. She is just one of those people who is so comfortable in her own skin and knows her own morals so well that she doesn't need a higher power to look to for guidance. She looks towards her own morals. But then on the other hand there are people like sara… conformists. She is depressed like crazy on the inside, beucase she would do anything, she doesn't have any morals she doesn't have guidance from anyone except from her friends who promote so much hate just because they are insecure of themselves. It's all such a sad cycle. She is the type of person that for sure needs religion. Chrsitianity is not something to be made fun of for her, it's something that could potentially save her from killing herself. And I'm not even just saying christianity in general im saying any religion. Any religion at all. But she won't ever have a real religion, or any opinion on religion that is honestly her own, beucase she's a conformist.. and conformists never change unless they are forced to change… like me.

Anyways goodnight.ß

12/02/10

Okay so im starting my new years resolution alittle bit early now. If me and brenden aren't okay by the start of the new year then im going to move on, and im not going to be sad, and im going to find someone else… soon.. and if we don't work out then im going to take a bunch of pictures with my new guys and post them alll over Facebook so he gets really jealous. I want to make him miss me. He honestly has been such a douche to me recently, like he tells me that he likes me but in all honesty literally no one at my entire school could see that. what. so. ever. So therefore Im putting him in the hot seat. If he can't make me happy by january 1st then im done… tonight was the worst. I texted him, texted him, texted him, called him and then texted him once more… and what do i get? Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. I think Ive cried every day this week because he's been ignoring me. I cry way too often, but it just comes out.  I just can't keep it in. I fall too hard, way too fast… I'm going to stop that. I hope the New Year comes fast.

12/10/10 thank jesus. me and brenden are over for good now. AND he told me he didn't want to be with me and didn't have feelings for me anymore so thank jesus. Now, his little thing on his myspace won't make me cry anymore.  And actually what's weird about it is that I cryed soooo much about him and now that we aren't anything anymore I'm not crying, and im actually really happy. Oddly enough. He brought out the worst in my and it honestly just wasn't

even worth it at all. Yeah, its nice to have a boy friend but it's not at all worth my time. Soooo un-nessasary.

i just feel like he doesn't try at all.

he dones't even look at me during art class… ever

would never even think about calling me.

stops texting me when im in a bad mood or say something stupid.

Honestly if you want everything to be okay then i would want you to take some inititivate. cause honestly right now i feel like tanner, your best friend, is more comfortable with talking to me that you are. Like i don't freaking mean to make everything awkward but i don't know how to have a boyfriend at school. Like do you want me to sit with you at lunch? Do you what me to walk with you to your classesl? And half of this crap i feel like you should want to do for me, ilke your the guy. the guy is supposed to do that kind of stuff for the girl.

And then about the whole felix thing.. do you remember when i told you in athens that if i told you my intense little thing then you would feel differently and it would change just about everything? Well, i knew it would. So i just told you a portion of it, trying to make it seem like something else to cover up for what it actually was because i didn't want to tell you. Like i told you he took advantage of me, which he did on only one ocation

^^ this was from awhile ago..