#i want to post my redraw on here dammit!!!

[nocturnalsleuth]

reblog

post

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 58 Welp Posting

Hello kind void. Short (for me) yap this time... it's mostly just pain this chapter, after all. So much pain.

Very rough TL of the editor's notes:

First page: 漆羽の命滅契約は一体…? [Uruha no meimetsu keiyaku ha ittai...?!, What in the world happened to Uruha's lifelong contract...!?] Last page: 信念のもと漆羽を殺めた座村を前に… [Shinen no moto Uruha wo ayameta Samura wo maeni..., Standing in front of Samura, who killed Uruha due to his conviction...] Google Translate or DeepL can probably do better than me on this one, so go ahead and copy/paste that text into one of those instead for a better idea. Just note that 漆羽 (Uruha) usually gets auto-translated to "Urushiba" and 座村 (Samura) to "Zamura".

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Pregame Mini Meta Rant: If I hear a SINGLE complaint about how many panels were reused this chapter Imma get heated. Yeah, there's been a lot of copy-crop-paste stuff going on in the past two weeks. This chapter alone re-used Hakuri's exhausted seal pose four times. But the major scenes still hit hard as fuck and the new art is holding up. Let the author do what it takes to avoid burnout and health issues just as his series is getting the major promotion treatment, okay? Dude's had to do a lot of extra work recently with the cover and colour pages in addition to the usual volume redraws and accompanying filler sketches/doodles.

These chapters were probably being written and drawn about the same time as the extra materials. It's not like the author starts drawing on Monday and sends the chapter out by Friday so it can be published Sunday- they're finished weeks in advance before they're released. I recommend checking out a short manga called The Right Way to Make JUMP! by Takeshi Sakurai if the practical details of getting manga out to thousands of readers in both print & digital simultaneously every week seem interesting!

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Uruha vs. Samura

I interrupt this ramble before it even begins to do a little celebratory dance. I got most of what I yapped about last chapter right for once! Yay! ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪ I won't have to recap the Samura motivation/mindset yap with the new information! (This will probably never happen again.)

Anyway...

Let's start with this because fuck it was so cool and sad.

I love how every character in this manga holds fast to their convictions, man. But I didn't expect Samura to be so cold about killing his former apprentice y'know?! Not even a hint of remorse from this guy. Between this and the subdued greeting Uruha gave him, the lack of warmth in their dialogue together... I wonder if they had a positive relationship. Uruha certainly respected Samura's skills but the contrast between how he thinks about Kunishige and the man who presumably taught him everything he knows about fighting is striking, isn't it? He was pretty unemotional about having to duel his master to the death despite being such an emotive guy. Yet now we'll probably never know... (sigh).

Here's something I missed on my first read: Samura didn't use Tobimune to face Uruha; he was just the quicker draw with a regular katana.

His sword is closer to being sheathed, while Uruha's sword is still farther out.

In case anyone still wants to believe that Uruha is alive or can come back somehow after this... more power to you. The Sojo copers can probably give you some tips if you need them. But there is one small smidgen of comfort to be had, if one wants to interpret it as such.

Not using Tobimune can be read as respecting Uruha's determination and facing him on equal footing. I know he unnecessarily double-tapped Uruha when he was laying on the ground- he didn't need to slash the guy again with Tobimune to make the kill. I get it, the Enchanted Blades are tools of death. Just let me have this. I need it.

Uruha deserved better. He deserve to live, dammit. I didn't get nearly enough of him. But what a way to go. Standing up for what you believe, your dead (boy)friend's last words telling you to live no matter what running through your head. Fighting for your life to honor his wish even though it's a completely lost cause... fuck what a tragic character. He was such a passionate guy despite the losses he suffered. Uruha, man... I really wanted to spend more time with him, but I guess all we'll get of him are flashbacks about him from other people or during scenes recounting what happened in the war.

The worst part of saying goodbye is that it felt like we had so much more to see and learn about him. His story's incomplete but it's over all the same. That's what hurts most when authors kill these characters- the sense of real loss because of all the loose ends. Anything we learn about him will be retroactive for context. No more growth, no more silly faces... damn you Samura...! Fuck this author makes good villains in a short span of time.

Whatever incident was covered up 18 years ago has to be incredibly awful to drive Samura to become an avenger for the truth. I'm talking "establishing a whole fucking international court system to process it for over a decade" levels of bad. Which it may well be, if this flashback from Sojo's PoV in chapter 8 remains unchanged when we revisit it for context:

Hello, probable war crimes.

Yeah I'm banking on that mystery kid being Magatsumi's current wielder. Whether he was a child soldier or picked up the sword by accident somehow, this might be the clue to The Incident that turned Samura against his allies. The point about how anyone can use the Enchanted Blades is made repeatedly during and after the Sojo arc- why not a child? Covering up a massacre like that would be in a lot of people's interests.

Unfounded spitball theories aside, now that Hakuri and Chihiro are both clued in that some real bad shit went down, we can expect to learn more about it. Hopefully sooner rather than later because I'll definitely be judging the shit outta Samura based on how awful it is. I'm very interested in his moral dilemma but I've got unreasonably high standards as to what kind of event could drive someone to do something so awful (in fiction, at least). IRL people are messy, but fiction demands justification. And the way this incident is being hyped up makes me believe it's different from the other horrors of war sinking in and slowly driving someone to resent everything they did for the cause. Whatever the Bearers and the Kamunabi covered up is going to cast them all -Kunishige included- in an extremely unflattering light.

Burnout

He just looks so cute being carried like that even though he's so exhausted and roughed up…

... Yeah. Poor Hakuri.

I won't take up as much space here as I want to yapping about him because most of it's just retreads of things I've been saying for weeks already. But man. Man.

This guy awoke to his powers, killed his dad and brothers, put an end to his family's cruelty, saved a bunch of lives at great risk to himself, passed out, and woke up to try and do this crazy mission with Chihiro all in just over 24 hours. He's so fried he fell asleep while being carried piggy-back and can't even move any more! But he's still kicking himself for not summoning Kumeyuri for Uruha when he had enough adrenaline to sort of stand up on his own. Never mind the brain haemorrhage- he's got lives to save. Ms. Makizumi's words about pushing himself too hard being dangerous just go in one ear and out the other. These people want him to care about himself for the mission and because he deserves it but he just refuses to take it to heart...

Then the person he promised to protect is killed in front of him right after he made it his life's mission to prevent exactly this sort of scenario.

Fuck.

Can't even turn this into a ship moment I'm so bent out of shape. Someone strip me of my fudanshi creds.

It looks like Hakuri did summon Chihiro in a panic after all- he couldn't even call out to Uruha so reaching for Chihiro instead was his first instinct. He just wasn't fast enough because his body and mind are on the brink of totally shutting down. If he's truly unable to use sorcery again after finally gaining his own strength at long last... oh, that will hurt so bad. I'm not ready for how hard Hakuri's going to be on himself when he eventually wakes up despite doing his very best.

Hakuri's gonna be out of commission for sure after this event.

I'm close to 100% positive he'll temporarily lose his powers now. If it comes to be, then Kagurabachi will have passed my bullshit "don't say they'll die if the consequences don't match up to the risk" test. Being paralyzed and powerless for a while is good enough to convince me that death really was a possible outcome. See, it's really that easy. Totally not unfair and arbitrary.

Regardless, there's a lot of suffering ahead for Chihiro and Hakuri. Not only did all of this shit go down the day right after the Rakuzaichi, but there's still whatever the blood test will reveal hanging out there... the political and practical price of this failure with the Kamunabi... processing the guilt of not being able to save a life... coming to terms with how much they don't know... so much has happened to them in a short 24-ish hours, huh? And neither of them have anything good to look forward to in the short-term.

I gotta wonder what Hakuri will do this arc if he's literally unable to move for a while. His PoV gave us the info that there was a specific incident that was covered up, but that doesn't mean he'll be involved in that plot line. But let's save that stress for another time- gotta see how badly he fucked himself up and how things shake out between Chihiro and Samura first.

Chihiro vs. Samura

(Ch. 50) A long-awaited reunion.

What will go down next week? I'm sure as hell not gonna try to guess. Could be anything from casual conversation to an actual skirmish. At least one thing will definitely not happen though.

Neither Chihiro nor Samura are dying here. Chihiro cannot die until the last fight in the series is finished, so that's out (boo joyless nerd take no fun booooooo). Samura's simply too strong to go down to an exhausted Chihiro and we still have to learn the history behind his motives. So he's gonna stick around for a bit longer to cause trouble. Wouldn't be surprised if he's the arc boss! Hiruhiko's got his own training arc ahead of him and all (and some arms to reattach), so he'll be more of a recurring villain than someone to defeat as a character growth moment for now. It's looking like Samura vs. Chihiro for the foreseeable future IMO.

If I can reveal a selfish hope, I want Samura facepalming Chihiro and feeling the scar to be the means of getting insight on how he feels about Chihiro's situation. Samura's probably the one who tipped off the Hishaku about Kunishige's location thanks to accidentally finding out when Momma Shiba took Chihiro to the local festival. Oh boy, if Chihiro learns that Samura was the one that sold him and his dad out... that would be some incredibly potent angst. His hero, a monster? Say it ain't so. Would have told you sooner if I could, Chihiro.

Hm, Kunishige and the Bearers who were entrusted with his vision...

(Chapter 1)

(Chapter 9)

(Chapter 58)

I feel confident in thinking that Samura is basically Bad End Chihiro now. He's been tormented by guilt for nearly two decades and has decided to do everything himself. He'll kill his former comrades and the Hishaku or go down swinging- and kill himself if he actually succeeds. He's on a doomed mission to scorch the earth and take out as much evil as he can. All scum go to hell! Including the guy who's so mired in grief that he does a lot of murder to cope. Those scars of his don't look like tear tracks in some shots for nothin'. (Wait, wasn't I talking about Chihiro for a bit there?)

Chihiro's well on his way to following Samura's path already... he's not the type to kill his comrades, but he's definitely got the "guilty sinning avenger" thing going on strong. So if Samura is Chihiro's "Bad End", what will he force Chihiro to realize? Every major foe reflects a part of Chihiro back at himself and forces him to answer difficult questions, after all. Sojo- forced him to accept that there are multiple ways to interpret and use his dad's legacy

Kyora- forced him to look at his own devotion to his dad's legacy and admit he doesn't know as much as he needs to

Hiruhiko (round 1)- forced him to admit that he thinks of himself as a monster for the lengths he's willing to go to

As for Samura, I think it'll be along the lines of "is it necessary or justifiable to sin and/or commit oneself hell for the sake of a cause?". Maybe "can I be redeemed at all?" (or if redemption is even necessary in the first place). Legitimately can't wait to see what goes down between them next week to get more clues! God I love this manga so much. I haven't been so consistently engaged week to week like this in ages.

...One last thought. This is probably looking too far ahead as an angst merchant and I was rightly rebuked for mentioning it. I should know better than to share the worthless depressing bullshit that goes on in my head. But these posts are supposed to just be some yaps into an ambivalent abyss so... sorry, kind internet void, but you get some of my depresso espresso.

"The least I can do is refrain from causing harm to others and take you Hishaku bastards to hell with me." - Chihiro (ch. 53)

With all the deliberate parallels drawn between Samura->Chihiro and Uruha->Hakuri, I wouldn't be surprised if our favourite protagonist/deuteragonist pair has the same exchange later down the line. Definitely not under similar circumstances! I can imagine scenarios where Chihiro is trying to kill Hakuri but they're so far removed from canon that they make absolutely zero sense.

But there could well be a time where Chihiro decides to leave because he really does need to bear this burden alone and Hakuri tries to call him out on the ridiculousness of that mindset. I think it would be a happier result for Chihiro and Hakuri compared to Samura and Uruha if only because Chihiro isn't as far gone as the blind traitor rat is. But yeah I'm just sticking that in my back pocket to see if it manifests in the future.

Time to write some hurt/comfort and hope canon eases up on the pain soon. It's either that or setting up a bingo sheet with all the angst scenarios I've got written down in my drafts and notes... I choose the one that I can create my own happy ending for. Until next time, dear void.

[dashawfrostart]

This Week In "Time & Again" #1: Vector Bubbles Struggles, and More!

In the previous "pilot" post of "This Week In 'Time & Again'" I only briefly mentioned that the page templates for Chapter 5 have been totally complete. I have to confess: while I was working on scattering speech bubbles all around, it suddenly dawned on me that I was doing it all wrong before 🤦‍♀️ The vector designer in me totally failed... And I will gladly reflect of my past silliness in this post! But first - a little bit of a backstory.

Fun fact: starting Chapter 1 from 2020, usually I tend to create speech bubbles in Inkscape. Usually I used elliptic shapes to make geometrically perfect speech bubbles. In Chapter 3, however, where real crazy stuff was happening in Lothar's part, I wanted to make speech bubbles more irregular, crooked, and at times shaky, and thus, for the first time, I simply drew oval-shaped speech bubbles by hand. Same went for Chapter 4 that also required a more lively, jolly, imperfectly shaped speech bubbles, too - as seen on the picture below.

Starting from Chapter 5, which is supposed to change the atmosphere of the story dramatically, I decided to spring back to the vector speech bubbles. For the sake of seriousness, let's say. I do not always like it when the speech bubbles are extremely geometric. It just doesn't look right to me. Either the empty space in between the text and the outer edge of the speech bubble bothers me, or the absolute perfection of the shapes. I can't really explain that, but it makes me feel weird. For Chapter 5, I decided to aim for more or less perfect shapes, but with a little skew where applicable to make the near-perfect oval shape cling to the text nicer. So I ended up converting the shapes into paths and just manually adjusting the points I need!

As you can see on the pictures above, that shape is not a perfect oval. I could even make it look like a broken egg yolk, need be (just like on the picture to the right) 😅 And that's a very simple solution to my weird problem, right?! Just a couple clicks here and there, and an extra pull on the handles - and here we go, awesomeness! Looks good to me!

... The funny thing here is that this extremely obvious solution didn't hit me until a few days ago. I totally could've used the same method while I was working on Chapter 4, too... But instead, I spent extra minutes and possibly hours trying to draw non-shaky misshaped ovals by hand, sometimes going back and redrawing them numerous times because I didn't like what they looked like. Dammit! 😅

Sometimes we don't see something even when it's right in front of us! Well, now I'm certainly a pro 😁 (at not seeing the obvious things, too, ahem)

I think I will keep doing that for the rest 4 chapters until the end now, because it looks very good, very easy to do and it's quite efficient.

This time, once the speech bubbles were successfully placed in their respective spots according to the sketches and storyboard that I previously drew on paper, I decided to follow a slightly another path - also for a reason. I saved the frames for each page, empty speech bubbles, and the voice lines all in separate files so that I could layer them on top of each other later on in Krita. That wasn't a decision made for the sole purpose of convenience; it was made this way to potentially ease my future rearrangement of the frames and speech bubbles into a form of a webcomic. I've never done that before, ever. So that would be my first experiment with this format. In fact, I'm gonna do twice the amount of work this time, for so far I'm planning on making Chapter 5 to have both versions: the regular letter format page-by-page comic (it will later be posted on my Itch page as a PDF), and the long vertical scrollable webcomic/webtoon. Am I crazy? Well yes, I am! 😁

Perhaps I will elaborate on the choice of format as well as on the decision of such a personal challenge later on, in one of the next "This Week In T&A" posts.

Aside from that, some other important stuff has been done by me within the last few days.

For example, I've increased page resolution by another 1/3, which hopefully will give me enough space to fit in even the smallest of fonts I'd like to use. Since the continuation of this weird story is planned to be quite wordy, I think expanded limits would allow me to nicely and conveniently accommodate the characters, the backgrounds, and the voice lines all together. Neat-o! ... Which is very interesting considering I'm planning on making a webcomic format version as well, so the changes I've noted in the paragraph above might sound counterproductive to some of you. Knowing that webcomic format is usually pretty low-res... But you'll see what I have in mind later 😉.

And finally - I was able to sit down and draw on my tablet for the first time in a few months. Yep, you heard me right. I sometimes draw by hand in my sketchbooks - however in the recent years I've been doing that primarily when sketching WIP designs of the characters for the upcoming chapters, and the storyboards. But I always draw on a graphic tablet whenever I need a complete, full-colour artwork. It's been a long time since I drew anything last time, for I've been working hard on the script above all else... But it sure feels good to return to self-expression in a colourful visual form after such a long break! You can even say, Frosty's back in action! Wheeeee! I have a few random, somewhat creepy artworks with Lothar in my head that I'd like to turn into promos and nice design elements for my websites and the social. And they're gonna be creepy not because Halloween is getting close, nope! But because the next chapters require a bit of spook in them by default! Anyway, no reason to spoil anything for you right away.

But here's a little sneak peek for you anyway! Gotta fuel up the readers' interest somehow after all 😉

That would be enough for now! See you soon! 🙌

[ineffablebookgirl]

psychoanalyzing Aziraphale and Crowley through the ages instead of doing my research project that's due next week. pt. 5: Knights of the Round Table / Wessex

This interaction is kind of a drawn-out mirror of their very first interaction on the wall. Aziraphale has done something under his own volition, which he knows goes against what he's supposed to do. And then he backpedals to try to course-correct.

In Eden, he was grappling with giving away the sword. Here, in a damp field in Wessex, 500 years after hitting on Crowley in a pub in Rome, he is trying to stay on the straight and narrow (haha straight lol). He wanted to hang out with Crowley, and he sure as heck made that happen under his own volition and it definitely was not a Heaven-approved activity.

Now, when they meet, there's a familiarity. This is the first glimmer of their "old married couple" vibes. Who knows what happened at Petronius's place, or if they've had other dinners together since then (my guess would be yes) (except maybe not -- more on that later). But they clearly have some kind of stock of each other.

This is when Crowley first suggests the Arrangement to Aziraphale. Crowley is no longer just teasing Az about being a questionable angel, he's trying to get something out of Aziraphale -- something that benefits him, yes, but also a step forward in their relationship. A more explicit acknowledgement of the reality of their roles, not just the company line.

Crowley isn't the grumpy emo teenager we found in the pub in Rome, but he's also not the carefree old-testament imp with the flowing locks anymore. He's settling into the personality we see in the modern day, the "Eh, fuck 'em, let's do it our way and just do the bare minimum to not get noticed," the forced casualness that he wraps himself in to protect himself from the sharp bitterness of the pain he sees God cause.

And Aziraphale is also settling into his modern personality as well. His guard is up. He's keeping his head down and doing his job, tromping around in the mud to foment peace for King Arthur because that's part of the Ineffable Plan, I guess, don't worry about it just get it done so I can go home to a jug of red and a nice illuminated manuscript in front of the fire.

He also has adopted his patented Aziraphale Radiant Smile, the Kill Them With My Polite Englishness Smile, and maybe that's part of his armor too. He knows he's harming humans, he knows he's working for Amazon Corporate, but he has bills to pay. But dammit if he isn't going to bring a little bit of sunshine and joy to the day of every last human he encounters along the way. Whether they like it or not.

But... back to the question of whether they've hung out between Rome and now. The thing that trips me up is that Aziraphale deadnames Crowley. In Rome, he accidentally starts with Crawley, but he corrects himself immediately. Here, he just addresses him as Crawley, and Crowley has to correct him. So maybe they haven't run into each other since Rome. 500 years is a long time. It's feasible Az forgot. Or, he does it deliberately, to try and redraw the lines, go back to a version of their relationship before all this familiarity built up, a version of Aziraphale who knew his place and got on with it, and a version of Crowley who knew Aziraphale's place and teased him for it. Not this Crowley who suggests working together, who insinuates they have more in common with each other than with their head offices. Not this Crowley who knows him. Knows that the best way to get Aziraphale's cogs turning is to point out how uncomfortable the work is, how much more quickly he could get back to the fire and the wine and the book if he worked together with Crowley ...

Everything was different in Rome, and this meeting is Aziraphale going oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit and running in the opposite direction, for the first time, but not the last.

(I think they both have their own versions of this pattern, of getting a little closer, a little more vulnerable, and then overcorrecting to reinforce their defenses against that vulnerability. More posts to come!)

Final note: this is the only time they meet by accident. I'm not sure what that signifies, but Douglas MacKinnon said, "Everything is meant," so it must mean something. 🤔

[addictedtostorytelling]

What’s your take on Grissom’s behaviour in Eleven Angry Jurors? First the ‘what are you working on’ to Sara, implying that she’s slacking and then later on looking at her while joking about the bee to make sure she finds him funny. Also recommending Nick because he kinda stood up to him while giving Sara hard time every time she disagrees with him.

hi, anon!

i've got some relevant meta on this topic here and here that i'll use as preface to my comments below.

thoughts after the "keep reading," if you're interested.

__

so the thing that cannot be stressed enough is that episode 04x11 "eleven angry jurors" takes place during the heyday of grissom's whole "sara asked me out, but i said no to her, so now, having fucked everything up between us with no hope that our relationship can ever be repaired (and particularly not as i am still much too afraid to be with her anyhow), i need to do my part to superimpose some artificial emotional distance between us so that we can both just 'move on,' even though doing so is the most unnatural and undesirable thing in the world to me" song and dance routine of s4.

to quote from the first post i linked above, while grissom starts out the season resolved to redraw the boundaries between himself as supervisor and sara as subordinate, he quickly finds himself thrust into several situations that unavoidably remind him of the personal element on his and sara's relationship, so

"in the wake of 'pin me down'-gate in episode 04x07 'invisible evidence,' [he] starts trying even harder to prove to himself and to sara that he is the boss, dammit. in episodes 04x08 'after the show,' 04x10 'coming of rage,' and 04x11 'eleven angry jurors,' in particular, we see him frequently shutting sara down, saddling her with undesirable assignments, and at times even questioning her work ethic. he also starts to show favoritism to nick over sara for the key position promotion (see episode 04x11 “eleven angry jurors”). even so, because he is still in love with sara despite his attempts to convince his heart otherwise, he does still occasionally succumb to his romantic instincts, showing affection to and flirting with her during this time, as well."

basically, his hot-and-cold treatment of sara in this episode is part and parcel of this inner conflict in him, as, as i talk about here, "he’s trying so hard to prove to himself and sara that he can be just a supervisor™ to her that he ends up going overboard and rather than managing her neutrally he instead comes down kind of hard on her and is a jerk to her in the workplace," but then he immediately regrets doing so—because, despite what he might try to convince himself of, in his heart of hearts, he never actually wants to drive sara away—and so (largely subconsciously) tries to "swing the pendulum back the other way" by being cute and charming to her and winning back her affections.

of course, for as confusing as this behavior is to us as viewers, it's even more confusing to sara, who can't figure out why he's giving her such a runaround, particularly after she all-but-begged him during the events of episode 04x07 "invisible evidence" to just put their past behind them and treat her like any other random employee and as she herself has been trying her best to maintain a very collegial rapport with him (despite the fact that he recently broke her heart).

with specific regards to him chastising sara for not working hard enough (i.e., "good. what are you working on?"), we as the audience have no reason to believe that sara actually is slacking off—and certainly she's not doing anything different than she might normally do.

however, grissom nevertheless gets agitated with her because she's coming up to talk to him in that highly egalitarian way that she's always had with him, running over not just case details with him but also playing the role of a sort of assistant or intermediary, reporting to him about what other team members (in this case, warrick) are up to and keeping him apprised of the general progress of the investigation.

she's like his walking, talking day planner.

again, it's something that we've seen sara do a thousand times, and grissom has never been so testy about it before—and, in fact, he's typically welcomed this type of help from her in the past.

the reason he is so uptight here by contrast is because he has, ever since the events of episodes 04x07 "invisible evidence" and 04x08 "after the show," been highly aware of the fact (particularly as catherine has pointed it out to him in no uncertain terms) that he often fails to treat sara like a subordinate and extends her privileges he doesn't give to the other junior csis on his team.

sure, technically she's being professional, but she is being so in a way that unavoidably reminds him of how they've always been together (i.e., a bit too close for supervisor/subordinate) and how he's always allowed his own feelings for her to influence how he manages her.

he can't pretend that the way he leans on her is normal.

he can't pretend like she's just another underling when in some ways she functions as an extension of his own mind.

he knows he wouldn't behave similarly with nick or warrick.

he knows that despite all of his efforts to impose distance between them over the last few months, he's still weirdly, deeply, undeniably bonded to her; he has failed in his objectives to create any of the separation he thinks they need.

and so he gets snippy with her, essentially being like, "you should get back to your actual job (instead of this unofficial part of your job, which is a vestigial remnant of our personal relationship that i can't really account for unless i admit to my feelings for you, which i am utterly unprepared to do at this point)."

—which brings us to the "nick of it all":

grissom absolutely does praise nick for doing some of the exact things he also criticizes in sara, and he doesn't even realize how hypocritical he's being in so doing.

he thinks he's being objective, but the fact is that he is very much influenced by his personal feelings for sara in this regard, as, essentially, he's trying so hard not to show favoritism to her and also to prove that he can relate to her solely as a boss (rather than as a man) that he ends up tipping his hand too far and actually being harder on her than he is on anybody else.

to quote from the second post linked at the top of this ask,

the irony is that in trying to prove that he isn’t ruled by his feelings for sara, grissom actually proves how very much he is ruled by his feelings for sara.

every action grissom takes towards sara is personal, whether he believes it is personal or not. he’s not even consciously aware of what he’s doing, but the truth is that every time he finds himself wanting sara, he physically sends her away from him, which usually means she ends up at another crime scene, off whatever big case he’s working (see, for example, what happens in episode 04x02 “all for country”). likewise, whenever he finds himself wanting to give sara special treatment, he reacts by forcing himself to get tough on her and read her the riot act (such as we see him do in episodes 04x07 “invisible evidence” and 04x08 “after the show,” for example).

in the meanwhile, he continues to manage nick according to merit, meaning that whenever he feels nick has earned a privilege or proven himself worthy, he rewards him (see, for example, episode 04x11 “eleven angry jurors,” when grissom allows nick to reopen an old case and investigate it solo, then gives nick credit where credit is due when nick solves the case using creative investigative methods).

by constantly suppressing and thwarting sara while at the same time encouraging and supporting nick, grissom gives nick an unfair advantage over sara in the race for the promotion without even realizing that that’s what he’s doing (or being consciously aware of his own motivations for doing so).

nick continues to rack up career cases, professional accolades, and grissom’s personal favor, while sara just can’t win for losing and is unable to catch a break, even though the quality of her work and work ethic remain as impressive as ever.

of course, on perhaps a deeper level, there's even a metaphorical aspect to this action on grissom's part.

grissom is someone who very much feels constrained by his circumstances, to the point that he believes he is not allowed to want what he wants. meanwhile, sara has always been the girl who absolutely wants everything so much and is sometimes uncomfortably open about how much she does so.

that grissom ultimately rewards the guy who purports not to want the prize while punishing the girl who is outspoken in her wanting of it is reflective of grissom's psychological desire to vindicate himself and his own decisions (even though he knows in his heart of hearts, even at this point, that he's wrong and, moreover, that he's making a big mistake, trying to pull away from sara altogether).

it's almost as if, in choosing nick, he's saying to himself, "see? it's right not to openly want things. it's right to forebear. maybe if you're strong enough to walk away from what you want (in nick's case, the promotion; in my case, sara) somehow you'll still end up getting it in the end anyway. maybe the universe will reward you simply for your act of denial and self-restraint."

which is a very catholic way to look at things, imo.

that's why his proffered rationale for why he chooses nick over sara—i.e., that nick didn't want the promotion, which somehow makes him a better candidate for it—is so goddamn flimsy*: because, really, his choice has little basis in logic or fact and almost nothing to do with whom is actually more qualified for the spot**.

* seriously: the promotion was one that had to be applied for, so it's asinine to pretend as if applying for the promotion is then some demerit or mark against a candidate. the application was required. wanting the job was a prerequisite to getting it. what grissom does to sara with his whole "you have to ask for this job if you want it, but if you ask for it, i'll punish you for asking" mind game is absolute gaslighting bullshit, and she's right to call him out on it.

** to be clear: i'm not saying that sara would necessarily deserve the promotion over nick OR that nick doesn't deserve the promotion for other reasons than the fact that he doesn't want it. had grissom judged the applications more fairly, it's honestly very possible that nick might have still been the superior candidate over sara; it's just that now neither we nor sara will ever know if such is actually the case because ultimately grissom's decision wasn't based on real fitness for the job; it was just made on a whim.

so.

all of the above is to say that episode 04x11 "eleven angry jurors," while not a particularly heavy episode, is one of the messiest episodes of s4 in terms of how grissom treats sara.

guy is consciously telling himself that all of the decisions he's making about her, both in regards to how he manages her on the case AND in terms of the promotion, are solely professional in nature, but the fact is that absolutely none of them actually are; every action he takes toward her is emotionally based, and since his emotions toward sara are very conflicted as this time—i.e., he thinks he can't/shouldn't have her, and he's trying to make his head be okay with that idea, even though his heart won't ultimately accept it—his actions end up being messy as hell; he gets all of his wires crossed, and ends up tripping up both himself AND sara in them for his troubles.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[krimsonwings]

Dammit… hyperfixation has shifted. Due to no more SW for at least 3 months, my focus decided to revisit my Transformers fixation. It’s been at least 12 years since I was full-on into it (I’ve occasionally continued to collect Jazz figures since then).

Fear not, the Mandalorian is well secured in my heart and will never go away. Especially since I’m still planning to get the Mythosaur tattooed on my left arm and all the preorders I still have coming. Also, I absolutely still want to finish these sketches which have been in skeletal mode for the past month.

But I’ve also challenged myself to redraw some of my TF art from like 15 years ago! (Which can in fact be found online on a hell website lol)

YouTube is also finally convincing me to give TF Prime a shot. When it first came out, I was very opposed to the style and my fixation had already waned after Animated, so I passed on it. But thanks to my favorite scheming bastard being an absolute mess and not exactly like G1, I wanna give it a shot (despite not having my other fav, Jazz).

I still find it amusing that Starscream is my favorite Decepticon when my entire love of him came from Armada and him being a redeemable character. Only to be annoyed with G1 and Animated where he is just in fact an evil bastard. Thundercracker’s original (and IDW’s apparently) personality would be more in line to be my fav… but I love red. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (who am I kidding, I love the Seeker Trine! Skywarp is too chaotic to not love in this mess)

I was severely disappointed in Energon cause they completely shat on his development in Armada, and that made me skip Cybertron (tho I forgive it now that I know it wasn’t supposed to be a follow up). Still wanted the giant SS toy tho.

I only liked the TF movies up until they killed Jazz and only watch 2 and 3 to see if he’d come back (and LP songs of course). Haven’t seen beyond DotM and don’t really plan to.

So yea, pretty much a long note to explain why there might be more TF posts from here on rather than SW. I know it’s weird cause as far as I know, there’s nothing upcoming that would have triggered it. It was purely nostalgia for my favorite Starscream and wanting to see what’s happened to him since then.

[toka-sketch]

FLASHBACK!!! MY "DARK" PAST!!! OR My first attempts to draw (after I decided to learn it) 😚

Soooo @hallowedthorns send me a message and told me that her/his friend who recently started to draw is a little stressed out because their first sketches turned out not the way the friend wanted.

First of all ...That is totally normal sweetheart. 😊

I mean everyone started at some point. We all were beginners. 😉 And if i tell you about my first attempts... oh boy 😂 sometimes I was really frustrated. I mean you have an idea in your head and then it looked terrible when you tried to draw it. I totally understand you when you say that it is really frustrating.

When I started drawing I was really motivated. After I realized that learning to draw would take a little more time than I thought I became impatient.🤔

(Here some of my first sketches from 2011😅)

I watched tutorials, read books and visited art galleries to keep me motivated. Speed paintings, or tutorials are a BIG help. If you start it's good to start with the basics (head, body, eyes ect...) Copying other drawings from other artists for practice is also a good strategy for getting a better understanding and feeling of proportions and shapes. (YOU CAN'T POST IT THOU!!! It is really just for practice 😅)

If you are sick of draw just one spectrum try something different. When I started I also tried many different methods. I made watercolor, acryl and oil painting for example. Try to experiment. You will see it definitely helps you to improve your own style. 😊

(Here an abstract acryl painting i made from 2016😆)

If you have someone or something who inspires you it's also a big help. I have some people who I really look up to as an artist. So watching them draw their amazing stuff it really motivated me to improve my skills too. I mean yeah sometimes I also think "God dammit I'll never reach this level of skill" but then I think that is not the point anyway. Everyone's different. Everyone's needs their own pace to learn and I'm not aiming to be an artist who copy another artist's style but an artist who gets inspired by other amazing stuff and put it in a picture in my own style.

I guess the most important thing is to not take it too seriously. Art should be something fun, something to expressing yourself. It don't really helps you if you get stressed. Don't get too sad if stuff don't turned out good. Find the parts that you don't like and try to make it better next time. For me drawing is a way to calm myself and make me happy. It's 70% for myself and 30% for others. Try to keep in mind why you like to draw and don't forget the fun about it.

It's really a learning-by-doing-thing. 😉 I'm definitely not a genius and there is so much I want to improve.... so I guess you'll never really finishing learning. Just practice, practice, practice.☺

This is my personal experience and I don't know how other artists thinks about this but I hope I can help some people with it.

(Here a quick, little redraw from one of my first sketches 😉 2011-2020)

[iyansommerset]

WiP: Slaves Title Banner

What I’ve been busy with the past week or two (in-between worrying/prepping for coronachan): The title banner for Slaves in the Court of the Snow Queen. I’m a fan of Final Fantasy-style title-banners and one of my personal favorites is Final Fantasy Tactics’. I wanted SitCotSQ’s title to have a small silhouette of the major players - the Disney Princesses sans-evil ones. So here’s a test shot.

Bottom row is just all official Disney princesses in various battle garb as they’ll mostly appear in the fic. I seriously have to redraw the triumvirate (Snow, Ella, Aurora).

Just redrew Rapunzel. This is post-series, so she’s back to her short hair. The mace she’s wielding is made from her original frying pan. And there’s a reason she’s wearing foot protection (and bracers).

Prelim of the exotics. I’m content with Jas although I might change her pose/dress her in more hashassin garb. I need to slim down Moana.

My favorites. Wil probably change Esme’s weapon. Meg and Jane are final. Very happy with how those two turned out.

Also very happy with how these two turned out. Might give Tiana more WWI-esque gear. Really debating giving Merida a claymore.

Anyway, that’s my latest update so far.

For writing, I’ve actually started with the Frozen II Retcon fic...’s chapter 4 and 6. I still haven’t sat down and figured out how to do chapter 1 yet. Until that hurdle is over, I can’t even start-post the fic. Dammit.

- Iyan

[saline-coelacanth]

I just wanna say thank you. I’ve been going through a lot of crap for a long time now, and this fandom has really helped me a lot. I know it may seem weird that a show about lego ninjas could help me like this, but it’s true. I’ve struggled with (and still do) self confidence issues for a long time along with the standard depression and anxiety. I remember getting back into Ninjago and seeing that there was a fandom here on tumblr. I figured I’d post some random art every once in a while and that would be it, but nope! I post art all the time now, and people actually like it! MY art! About freaking lego ninjas. I also remember posting about the Bad Endings au for the first time. I figured I’d get about 2 likes on it and it would just quickly, but no, it actually got popular! I have an ask blog for it! I NEVER EVER thought that I’d ever have ANYTHING good enough that people would want an ask blog for it! I even started getting the confidence to post my comics. I was always really lazy and didn’t want to redraw my comics on my phone so I could post them, and I figured no one would care. It’s just... Everyone has been so cool and nice in this fandom, I know I only joined like 4 months ago, but that also makes this whole thing more wild. I always feel like a lot of the people in my life don’t actually care about me, they just find me annoying and pretend to care so I’ll shut up. And I know it’s crazy, because I’ve barely talked to anyone on here because I’m socially awkward and am terrible at starting conversations ESPECIALLY online but I feel welcomed here. I feel like I belong somewhere and I feel like people care. And I haven’t felt like this in a LONG time, it’s probably been over 4 years now (The start of high school was really rough for me) And even though I still have those problems irl, now I have somewhere to escape to. I know this was kinda long and I apologize, but I really just wanted to give a big thank you to this fandom. I know it’s a dumb show about lego ninjas, but it’s MY dumb show about lego ninjas god dammit!

[mamagabi-s-corner]

Borderline patch 2 notes and bugfixes

it’s on gamejolt now, go download it there too! :)

anyways as you can see, there have been more changes to the patch 2 comparing to patch 1 which had minor bug fixes and some minor additions (like sprites. it’s done, chii can take a break, I can take a break to work on Pretender, LET’S DO THIS! I might not list all the bug fixes, cuz I’ve done so much at this point, most of the fixes are just grammar and graphic errors. PLEASE NOTE: THIS BUG FIX ONLY COVERS THE MAIN ROUTE! I WILL EVENTUALLY WORK ON THE ALTERNATE ROUTES FOR EXTRA CONTENT AND OF COURSE PLAN THINGS OUT AS THINGS GO! 

Patch 2 

Starting point:

-’New’ (actually not new but you get the point) title screen (thanks to dismaluprising for helping me out with the icons and for teaching me how to code the damn thing!) -Fixed grammar errors (god English isn’t my first language and I write too fast, thanks to Puff and Chii for helping me out with the grammar errors) -If you decide to go for Pretender’s quest, you will now be shown how many items are left until you can go and visit her (that is, if you don’t end up killing off the zone. 😏😏😏😏😏😏) -Punishment game is still there... except I fixed a minor bug during the shedder scene in Zone 3 where you could actually get out while fast pacing. Changed it into a cut scene version where when you make the wrong choice, Max acts on his own. It’s a set event dammit! -Not much changes to the alternate routes, will get there when I get there, I mostly put focus on the main route, although when I was writing down defeat handlers for the Guardians (we’ll get to that), I added dialogue for all 3 alternates.  -Lost soul and Elsen sprites have been revamped (same goes for cameo elsen sprites. Also Chii did a Gabe sprite.  -More content by Chii! (Iloveyou ;w; ) -Interior panoramas have been included in certain parts of the game (my crops have grown, my depression is cured, and I have began abusing panoramas as interiors, you can NOT STOP ME!!!!!) -More cameo appearances! -Defeat handlers for the Guardians have been implemented. You will see what I mean. >w>  -More redraws from Baka27powwaa -Sprite overhaul. Because that takes me up to a day to do. ;w; -Option to find Birb has been added.  -Solution folder has been added for those who prefer a visual walkthrough instead of a text walkthrough! -Removed the OFF music, with the exception of “a thousand pounds” and the default “meat sound effect”. Meat sound effect is replaced by air speckling *eyebrow wiggles* -Gave Sneec a little buff so he is gonna be a wee bit stronger than before.  -Only Max has perks, the perks are self-boost perks to help with the final battle (there will be more perks for others in the final release.) -Fixed experience points with most monsters so hopefully the battle won’t be tedious and you won’t have to level grind as much. -Some books in Zone 2 have received their well-deserved revamp. 

Introduction: -Fixed minor graphic issues which were found in the kitchen. -Teleportation blocks (aka red cubes) are officially replaced with zodiac teleporters! An idea that I had for a while now, not to mention it would make some sense since the yellow block is replaced with Bob.  -Nameless officially appears in-game. And when I mean by that, I mean by the fact that instead of you seeing him in zone 4′s roof, he’s now everywhere.. So everywhere that there is a nowhere too. Birb what are you saying? idk?????? -world map is now a panorama. Zone 0:

-ZONE 0 GOT ITSELF AN EXPANSION AREA(tm)!! There are 4 houses and 1 bakery! -Beth is now included in the game and probably in the near future (or if I decide to go with it), she is a temporary character for post-Japhet defeat handler and only lasts for 1 Zone before she returns back to Zone 0. -On the fourth house (second house on the bottom) there is a treasure chest which gives you a fortune ticket!

Zone 1:

-Elsen has an extra area, you can find a chest which gives you a luck ticket, going to the end you will meet Nameless.  -Sam’s event is set to a cutscene to prevent you from running off and/or examining the area which was never intentional!  -You no longer have to read the note in Pentel tunnel to trigger the event (I know people skim through it so it’s for the best fghfgh) -In Shachihata, some Elsen say ‘null’ when spewing out music notes. Null is ZERO! it’s to avoid confusion when typing in the numbers so it doesn’t be like 85260, but rather 03559. (No, that’s just an example, stop asking!!!) -During an Orodemus run, you can apparently escape from the elevator. Which I THINK I fixed in patch 1, but I will re-state it. You can’t run away from the melon man. Don’t run away from the melon man, he just wants to punt you into oblivion so he can please his master! -Dedan defeat handler has been implemented! 

Zone 2: 

-Not much changes to the library, just added Nameless in and that’s it.  -More minor bugs are fixed, Im just a dumb and I forget what bugs I fixed, so work with me here..Most are graphic errors and grammar. -Uncluttered the haunted attraction of excess decor.  -An extremely minor dialogue change with Shedder.  -Added in a pathway to the adoption center which can be accessed after you finish Zone 2.. that is, if you do finish it.. from the mall, head to the left, pretty much follow the arrows. -fixed an error where you get on the door when you enter after the erika event. when aleyes lets you pass? Yea, that one.. Not sure how that happened.  -fixed a bug, even though it’s not a rare bug unless you put in the right arrows in the crying room, where when you enter wrong, and then correctly, the game doesn’t register it as complete and doesn’t give off the head. MAJOR NOTE TO SELF. VARIABLES GO BEFORE SWITCHES! VARIABLES GO BEFORE SWITCHES!!!!! VARIABLES GO BEFORE SWITCHES!!!!!!!!!!! I actually had to fix this issue by going with switches because even if you enter it wrong then right the game refuses to register the puzzle being completed. Which drove me insane!!!  -That one shedder image... yea.. I forgot to switch it with the other one, don’t judge me I work too much already.. -From the hallway in Sen’s route, instead of going back to the beginning of the hallway, you would end up going to the 3 hallways.. I hopefully fixed that issue. -You will not be able to interact with Horus from the left side as Seneca. Only from the right side.  -Japhet defeat handler has been implemented! Depending on whether you killed Dedan or not, Japhet’s defeat handler dialogue is different, but the outcome is still the same.  -Somewhat fixed Japhet’s past event??? Will need to make some changes for the final game(tm)

Zone 3:  -Grammar errors and some minor bugs have been fixed..  -Beth’s event where she talks about her past has been added. -Monorail event is fixed! There were some bugs that Puff pointed out (when you go to the lever and pull it, the timer still continues on for a few seconds before it stops. Now when you pull the lever, the timer stops immediately!) -Enoch’s defeat handler has been implemented. Once again, depending on whether you defeated either Japhet or Dedan (or both), the dialogue is different but the outcome is the same. -If Max goes through the defeat handler, he loses all of his items (equipped items) and an arm. Did a sprite where his arm is missing and re-did the battle sprite for one armed Max. To also avoid confusion, there’s an NA in brackets which means no arm. I had to add that to avoid confusion when I was doing his events. -Enoch’s past event has been changed a bit here and there, mainly some bugs fixes and shit.

Zone 4: -Not much changes there, just some minor bugs have been fixed. I forgot which ones dhfgfhh. -You now fight alone against Gabriel. To make up for it, I added a temporary solution until I figure out a way to balance it out. You has perks now. Well, Max for now.  -Defeating all 3 guardians will trigger an event where you are unable to fight Gabriel (you will see :3c) and of course. some lore! -Added a little event for a friend :) 

[darkpuck]

#okay i did not reblog this this morning  #but it has been a present thought in my head for five hours straight  #when this is anything but straight  #anyways i just needed to reblog this because hot damn  #also vividly reminds me of the lightsaber hilt post but FAR MORE threatening #what is a jedi with a lightsaber to someone with their fists? #absolutely nothing is stopping maul from just decking obi wan here #i have 0 context for what is happening here if it is a scene redraw or what op wants #but hot damn i just have a lot of thoughts #because seriously what is stopping maul from just beating him within an inch of his life right here? #its the least he could do after being sliced in half by him #and it still wouldn't be a fair trade of pain #and I'm talking just straight up fist to flesh sort of thing #no other weapons involved (x)

dammit @pocketchina what have i told you about leaving this good shit in the tags????

[acnologias-ass]

Hi! You have been identified as An Awesome Artist™. Congrats, you rock! So that all of your fans can shower you with some extra love today, please tell us your favourite five (or as many as you want) artworks of yours and why you like them and then send this to another five artists you think deserve this title! ♥

Aw, thank you so much!! :D

Oh boy that’s a tough choice, I didn’t even think I’d find five, but turns out I found more and idk which ones I should delete so I’m leaving the list like that:

- That one group picture of lil Slayers (http://acnologias-ass.tumblr.com/post/154050801763/you-know-me-too-well-dammit-d-shows-up-three)

- That one Trouble Twins comic (http://acnologias-ass.tumblr.com/post/160926056338/yknow-ever-since-the-trouble-twins-novel-came-out) 

- I’m kinda fond of that one Natsu vs Gajeel drawing I did for the FT 11th anniversary collab that I never posted here because idk (https://twitter.com/ftanniversary/status/890391081816162305) but I do hate how Sagittarius came out tho lmao

- Levy braiding Gajeel’s hair (http://acnologias-ass.tumblr.com/post/154222046453/since-apparently-its-gajevy-day-today-and-levy)

- That one Natsu/Gajeel/Wendy pic I use as my header (http://acnologias-ass.tumblr.com/post/148123504983/o-m-g-your-new-header-are-you-going-to-post-that) I’m planning on redrawing it tho since it’s been a while

- Chibi Slayers (http://acnologias-ass.tumblr.com/post/149409214785/happy-birthday-kushexi-i-hope-you-have-a)

- That one draw the squad picture with the Slayers freaking out over the computer (http://acnologias-ass.tumblr.com/post/139378633573/im-sorry-for-i-have-sinned) mostly because that fits them so well lmao

- Even tho it’s been a while and I kinda hate how it looks now, I’m still fond of Acno babysitting lil Slayers (http://acnologias-ass.tumblr.com/post/139683737253/first-we-got-theories-about-acnoo-and-natsu-then)