#i want to nap but i cant in this household lol

[skunkes]

Ive been so tired and generally distressed and out of it lately (for no reason) that i havent decorated my journal in over a week which is already alarming for cheye but today im so tired i havent even been able to play totk so. Its Also That Serious

[asparagus-in-a-cup]

its MY F/O list and I kinda wanna set it on fire 🔥🔥🔥

I had to force myself to Not Care bc god forbid we do anything simple in this house.. 🙄

Anyways: sharing. uhh I'm not too familiar with the concept; I've been told that like. its not caring whether someone else shares the same f/o as you I think? I'm not too sure, but I'd like to say that I. dont really care that much.

Self shipping used to be a pretty big coping mechanism for me in my early teens but I kinda stopped doing it after awhile. Now that I dont really need it to cope, its more of an indulgence now.

That being said, I will proceed to be Full Cringe and Full Cringe Only now get out /j

be prepared bc this is probably going to be. Unorganized and I've anxiously been sitting on it for months and I just. Dont want to care about it atm. I might fix it later.

Also literally like. I have so many different relationships with every character my dude so uhh fair warning abt that. if that ever comes up :P im not like. labeling my relationships with these characters really bc. yeah.

Anyways,,!

Fuck You My Child Is Completely Fine

The OG F/Os and Senior Partners of Mar's Sanity :D

Creepypasta

- Jeff the Killer

- Lulu

- Eyeless Jack (he stole my kidney -_-)

- fuck which one was it that the fandom decided they literally ONLY ate cheesecake??? was that EJ or Toby... mighta been Masky... god, its been awhile

- Laughing Jack/Laughing Jill

- Ben Drowned

- I'm conflicted is Dark Link a Creepypasta??

- Hobo-Heart my beloved 😩

The Legend of Zelda

- Link (literally almost every variation,, and also Dark Link :P)

- Sheik

- Midna (what? she's a milf what do you expect)

- Impa (specifically skyward sword and hyrule heroes 👀)

- G-Ganon... 👉👈 (I could take em- oh he mean in a fight 😳)

- GIRAHIM NO I DO NOT TAKE CRITICISM

- I think those were pretty much my mains... I'm probably forgetting a few

By Talos This Can't Be Fucking Happening

The New Ones..

Security Breach/fnaf series :P

- MONTY MONTY MONTY!!!

- Glam!Freddy!! :DD he's dad-shaped ok

- Glam!Bonnie 👉👈

- Glam!Chica

- Roxy

- Vannessa

- Lowkey Vanny too tho ;-;

- GREGORY MY FERAL CHILD WHAT ARE YOU DOING

- Sun/Moon but not in a horni way like. I Need a Nap lol

- (and none for Foxy, bye)

- (the puppet really be getting me in my feelings tho fr 🥺)

- (also rip the fnaf ogs ig sorry i dont fuck animatronics stuffed with dead children k thx)

Carmen Sandiego (reboot)

- Carmen (duh, we stan in this household)

- GRAHAM

- Tigress, ugh 😩

- Paperstar dont tempt me

- whatever tf Shadowsan and Lady Dokuso got going on 👀

She-ra (reboot)

- Adora/She-ra (another icon, we stan)

- Catra

- Scorpia

- Entrapta maybe??

- Hordak

- Horde Prime

- I'm a villain-fucker what can I say :P

DRAGON AGE INQUISITION HNNNG

- Dorian 🥺🥺🥺

- Iron Bull 🥺🥺🥺

- SERA!!! (the skrunly 🥺)

- Varic. Love that bastard

- H-hawke??? My mans just? showed up in the Fade to come save our asses?? Very sexy of him tbh

- Josephine 🥺🥺🥺

- CASSANDRA HOLY SHIT *swoon* (my straight girl crush ToT)

- F-fenris... (I havent played his game series tho, i just think he's neat..)

- Solas you stinky stinky rotten egg man (I cant believe I wasted my first three playthroughs on you -_-)

- Blackwall (*stands here with a 'WELCOME HOME CHEATER LIAR' sign*)

- Cullen (not a bad romance route... the best part was the dogs. I wanted dogs but SOMEONE had to go fuck it all up -_- looking at you, Warden yes this was ages ago yes I'm still. Very salty)

hhhhh theres probably more I'm forgetting I'll probably update this intermittently or something :P

ha maybe i should revamp my old S/Is or something

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

maybe a blessing - certainly a lesson 

not that imma trynna tell my wife either - im not that psyko - fux 

i love music thank gawdess 4 ojays today - i couldnt get my 2 brain cells too cooperate not feelin too swift and tired af from doing little otherwise known as fuck all - napped a bit - another lesson in being powerless - like lemon aid if u get the drift and more spiritual claptrap 

w the virus we dial back the baking and i need to trance out more -still not quite - over - the watever - it is imma having - still mild ish - not surprised and yah imma b careful - i spend much of my day - resting - tv on to something mindless - i mean if there was any evidence in roswell - unfound 80 fukken yr later - but yah i watch lol - i like egyptology also in my free time - actually a couple weeks ago i watch the 3rd remake of Shaft w samuel action jackson - actually i think that wuz a blaxploitation hero also - 2 hours of brutal killing then revenge n word b word homophobia - yah tongue in cheek some and over the top but fuck - but one morning it kept my mind off enough to get some rest and fall asleep 

my wife dont want consoling - now - except when she starts crying - wtf can i say - i let her know we b ok - but she kinda knew that tho recent uh has her maybe worried - she got close to her team - it took a while to build one - and she loves the work even simple common accident law - she likes trying to get a just outcome - that ppl sue each other instead of say shooting each other i think that is a good thing - oh yah i forget - not everybody knows me - my wife is an attorney

in other news - i cant see my best friend and business partner on her birthday - its ok - we saw each other w a lotta distance yesterday - she kept word to her father - did not come inside my house - tho he kinda means dont go anywhere near - i mean not even the neighborhood - we played together a little  - enuff 

so im here even less a little 

the kitty is an angel - she dont understand it - all - she knows there is sadness 

ppl that know me - there i goes again but there are more than a few that dont know- that i been here b4 - market meltdown and some society - mid morning morning fone call - fired- no good reason 

had no real $ cushion at the time - was supporting 3 households largely w 3 different insane expensive sf bay area rents 

junger then but no job prospect - starting to age t was indeed  - i was still kinda active trading - when i had to - heart hadnt been it for a while 

most important job today and next few - simple - dont b a dick t - just dont 

later

love

[dj-daiki]

11 Questions Tag Post

tagged by @sandreeen 🌾🌾thank you!!

1. What fandom(s) are you active in right now?

(not in particular order)

🇯🇵: NGT48, Nogizaka46, Hey! Say! JUMP, Arashi, Sexy Zone, NEWS, Aragaki Yui, some of 48 graduated members

🇰🇷: Girls'Generation, SHINee, NCT and the rest of SM artists lol

2. What TV shows/dramas are you currently watching?

TV shows: itadaki high jump, arashi ni shiyagare/vsarashi only when i feel like watching or have time hahahah, and i just watched sexyzone variety show yesterday!!! so goooood im trying to watch itte q every week (but always failed because it aligns with my dinner time/nap time)

drama: none! and just because the spring drama is over ➡️ last season i watch miss devil and black peans, last last one with 99.9 sII, momikeshite fuyu, and todome no kiss ➡️ maybe no drama this coming season because i reaaalllly need to focus on unis but CODE BLUE SPECIAL DRAMA AND SPIN OFF IS A MUST (AND THANK GOD IT AIRS BEFORE THE SEMESTER STARTS)

3. Any TV series/drama/anime/manga you recommend?

📺: 99.9 season 2 (double cheeky miyama sensei lol), code blue (just because i love the cast), jimi ni sugoi, legal high, and the one ayase haruka and miura haruma played together

🤹‍♀️: yakitate japan, sword art online, aggrestuko (to relieve stress lol)

📖: totsuzen deska ashita kekkon shimasu, taiyou no ie, koi to uso

4. Which do you prefer wearing, heels or sneakers?

FLIP FLOPS!!! and then sneakers (ps: i dont own heels lol)

5. Do you play any sports?

badminton

6. Do you exercise regularly?

NOPEEEEEEE

7. Are you a outdoor or indoor person?

based on the previous answer lololol, suuuuuper indoor

8. Do you cook?

im so ashamed of myself but NOPEEEE hahaha at least i made good chocolate strawberry thoughhhh (prob like the world easiest task)

9. Are you the type that only posts everything in one blog, or make sideblogs for each fandom?

rather than fandom, i have three differents accounts for twitter: 1. for friend and daily rants with no fangirl related content, 2. fangirl related but i made it private so i can shade something or you know stalk ppl lololol, 3. my public fangirl account ➡️ @aomkirakira 🦄🦄🦄

10. What superpower do you want to have?

heals sickness/injury/or anything related to pain

11. What pet do you like to have?

i always wanted a puppy or small dog since young to keep me accompanied and like therapy hahaha but im allergic to animals fur in general so its wasnt allowed in my household for health reasons

I HAD SO MUCH FUNNNNN cant believe i talk so much 😂😂

no going tag anyone but feel free to do it if you want ❣

[p---ink]

Everything, literally, everything you touched on is something I am feeling... @cocoamoonmalfoy

Where do you draw the line though? When I get up in the morning, despite the night before telling myself not to, I immediately go to my phone. I immediately start my day off with it and it counteracts against my productivity. So am I just doing the wrong things in terms of hacking my willpower, or is there an actual issue?

I am sitting in my bed. And as replies are coming in ive been wanting to talk about them, but im finding it hard switching between screens to respond to each of your points lol. ^^^ this paragraph has a lot of points that has nothing to do with each other, but I don't feel like going back to organize it.

Alright. So im sitting in my bed. I ditched yet another class, where lack of attendance will reflect poorly on my overall grade...but I didn't go to class because I didn't prepare for that days topic, and I didn't prepare for today's topic because im still behind on last weeks assignments that I didn't prepare for as well despite having like two full weeks and a day to do so.

Im sitting in bed. I want to get up and clean, because a clean room for me actually helps me focus a bit better. but cleaning up takes a lot of time for me for some reason. and that's time I don't have, because im behind in French class, and im behind in lit and film, and Im just barely making it in lit 200.

Ive been up since 5. Im not tired but I want to take a nap because that's what happens when youre sitting on your ass, and sleep helps me temporarily evade this feeling.

I emailed my professor to tell her of my suspicions, and im constantly refreshing my page (instead of tackling my assignments to see her reply). But she probably does not care, and who could blame her? And as if emailing her would magically fix my problems. I did it mostly to apologize, because I genuinely enjoy the class and don't want her to think im indifferent.

I have changed my environment. its not that. I went to the park this morning to read. I went to the library last week, and a cozy little restuarant hours before that. and it worked a little, but I got distracted by people watching so I couldn't get anything done.

Projects. So many projects that I want to do, but I cant seem to follow through. And if I do somehow complete them, there are things I want to improve upon, details I want to add, but I get so impatient and am so happy to be done with something that I don't give it the time and patience that it needs.

Im hungry, but I had coffee for breakfast. and that could also be a reason I cant really focus. So many things that could actually explain why I act the way I do, that are not ADHD.

The thing that bothers me the most about all of this, is that when it comes to my assignments I enjoy reading the text, and I know what I want to write for the assignments...its just actually doing it all that's hard for me.

And my mom would tell me to speak life...so even me speaking negatively and saying cant and that its hard is like a sin in this household. But I cant ignore these feelings.

I am so smart...I know that I am. But people probably think Im a ditz, and if they don't think that they probably think I'm a hot mess. and they would not be far off.

im sorry this was so long. @viva-asgardia @specialk-18 @kellyn1604 @cocoamoonmalfoy

I'm sorry.

I might genuinely have ADHD.

There were some misconceptions about the disorder that I didn't know about...I thought there was just something wrong with me.

I don't take care of myself the way other women do...I don't moisturize, or do my makeup, or skincare, or eat healthy, or stay organized, because i'm lazy. Simply put.

Lack of eye contact I give people (mostly men) is because of being intimidated. Not because there is genuinely something wrong.

I can't seem to remember things that people just told me, because I'm a goldfish. no other reason.

Procrastination is just something about myself that I cant change. Simply put.

My need to daydream is something everyone does. Not because daydreaming is easier than putting in the work to make them come true.

My mood swings don't exist. I'm not crazy.

Theres like legit other things that I'm fucking forgetting because my mind is racing a mile a minute just like it always does. And i'm gonna get mad that I didn't include it after I remember it, think about going back to edit it, but then forget to.

I thought it was just genetics as to why I act the way I do. It very well still could be. The more I research it however, the more I'm convinced it could apply to me.

Y'all I love writing. SO much. Reading so much. My courses in school, and school in general I love so much....so tell me why I spend my time on my cell phone scrolling through bumble, and snapchat, and texting men or trying to get them to text me, only to be disappointed, only to go on rants, only to complain about how I should be doing the things I love instead.

Why do I find it so hard to do things I need to do, and want to do, but find myself lying in bed instead stressing about doing them.

I thought ADHD, was people who couldn't focus for shit, and were really hyper and talkative, and energetic. But there's so much more to it.

You could be mentally hyper...get mentally exhausted. But then I ask myself how did I already get this far.

I didn't. Ive always struggled, and just been doing enough to get by...I could have been doing so much better than what I am.

I feel like crying while writing this. I feel like screaming because even though I know all of this I cant do anything about it right now.

I shouldn't self-diagnose. I know I shouldn't. But I just feel it. And I don't want to have ADHD, but id be so happy to know if there is a genuine reason as to why I act the way I do...instead of just a me thing.

Im writing this though, because you've all been on my mind. And im sorry if you genuinely missed me, and wanted me to interact with you. Know if that's the case ive missed you too...and im not actively ignoring you because I want to. Because I want to interact as well. But I find it really hard sometimes.

Like seriously im sitting in a room full of junk, and filth that disgusts me. By next week, ill have eventually cleaned it, but it will end up looking the way it does again within an hour.

Scheduling...manifesting...praying and pep talks. I do it all the time...but it doesn't ever work. I need help...but im tired. And depressed that my wants are going untouched. I want to do my schoolwork. I want to read and write. But there's so much to think about and so much to do, that I don't want to do any of it and all of it at the same time.

this post will magically fix that I hope. I know it won't. But it feels nice to reach out. I wish my random bursts of productivity could be more consistent.

I need a hug.

@cocoamoonmalfoy @specialk-18 @viva-asgardia @swaggysposts