#i want to go home and either game or draw. Except drawing is hard

[simcardiac-arrested]

what if the jokeen could beatbox

[weebsinstash]

I’m sending this again because it might’ve been eaten by tumblr. (this is meant for hazbin but if you wanna write about a different fandom go wild!)

I like the idea of a Reader who is obsessed with not being humanoid. Maybe they purposely get themselves hurt by angelic weapons so they have to replace body parts. They’re so infatuated with being ‘upgraded’ that they don’t even realize someone is in love with them.

idk i just like the idea of it :p

I think I might've briefly covered this idea before but I keep thinking about a computer Reader who is in a relationship with... Jesus I can't decide anymore, any of the applemedia boys individually or just all three lol, where you're a computer/bot person and one day the boys come home and you're just. Completely different

You're all happy and excited to show them how you've changed your body, or maybe you discovered you have new powers all of your own, and the change in your appearance, at least to them, is... significant. Your head might be a completely different shape. Your voice may even sound differently. You might even be taller than before.

Just the idea of you all but racing to the door because you're so happy to show them this thing you think is so cool, or maybe it's a surgery you've saved up money for and worked REALLY hard for, and just... picture their smiles literally falling off of their faces (except Alastor but, it's as close to a grimace as he can manage). They're looking at you with clear shock, and it breaks your heart instantly. This is you, and your body, and who you are, and they... they don't like it? Even if they come around and apologize to you, your trust has been broken, and maybe even for extra drama, they catch you cheating on them, because since you no longer feel comfortable with any of them, you need the approval and touch of someone who DOES find you desirable

I've actually also mostly had the inverse of your idea a lot tbh, where Reader has a very tech-y box-like computer head and is a lot like Vox, but you hate your Sinner body so so so much that you find a way to make a new one. Alastor and the rest meet Fake You which is basically just a significantly more humanoid robot that you got looking shockingly like the old human you via some magical technological knowhow, and your real body is just, intentionally hidden away in your closet, plugged into an outlet or something, and you occasionally have to let your fake body recharge and cool down, which is 'sleeping' in your bed

Like I know I'm mentioning different ideas at once, but can you even imagine it. You're dead and you're getting massive body dysmorphia because you have this giant fucking weird head and all the parts of you that made you YOU are no longer flesh and bone but something else, something entirely different, and you're so incredibly disgusted and disdainful of this change that you can't even look at reflections of yourself? Then you find out how to make this, fake secondary body you can basically just transfer your consciousness into, and it's basically like a game avatar you can customize however you want, and you make it look basically exactly how your human body used to look, maybe with some slight Hell based alterations so you don't draw too much attention like horns and a different skin color, and while all of that is kind of a form of denial, it helps you cope with the trauma of being dead

Now imagine you're now basically living every single second inside of that fake body. It's not designed to eat. It's not designed to sweat. It's not designed to cry. But you're so extremely disgusted by your true form that you do basically everything but the absolute essentials in your new body, being in it basically 18/7 (cause God knows you're not letting yourself sleep and fully recharge either; can't risk anyone finding your secret while you're asleep)

I'm serious. Just imagine what would happen if you were awkwardly forced into this situation where your 3 very pushy soulmates are constantly basically forcing their way into your apartment, and you never want to eat in front of them, you forbid them from entering your bedroom, you don't cry in front of them, and one of them eventually basically completely ignores your boundaries and wanders into your bedroom, which is not only a complete depression cave but then they find the actual you, sleeping in the closet, on the floor, not even on a bed. There's little bags of trash laying around you like this, this living device you have become never leaves this small, cramped room. Maybe you've even cut a hole in the door and installed a slot where you just pass food and trash back and forth and you hate your true body so much you don't even let it leave the closet, even have it locked from the outside or you're pushing a piece of furniture in front of the door or something

Like literally, all three men awkwardly cramming themselves in your small walk in closet to crowd around "your real body" in awe while the fake you is getting upset and telling them they need to leave, you hate them, you don't want to be with them, whatever you think might make them leave, and they're just, looking down at your body that you've been keeping in the closet, sleeping on just some laid out blankets like some kind of shitty futon, and you show signs of being damaged, almost like something has been hitting and kicking your body in fits of rage, even showing outright signs like self harm like scratches or scrapes or cuts on your body with a box cutter from your job still on the floor nearby. This closet is so cramped, with no light sources inside of it besides maybe some candles, and you've moved all your actual clothing into boxes or drawers outside the closet to completely commit the small space to being a depressing, dark prison

and then your tummy growls and, that does it, they're instantly demanding you tell them how to "transfer you" back into your original body so you can get something to eat, and quickly making it pretty clear that they're not very receptive to the fake vessel you now inhabit. You did all of this because you hated being this, this weird fucking robot, going through all these lengths to get this body that made you feel mildly human again, but then your actual soulmates just, want the body you cast aside, and yes while they are technically objectively correct that you shouldnt be coping like this, in your eyes you see them rejecting "the real you", which is the artifical you you've constructed that looks like your old human self, and are instead choosing this, monstrosity you absolutely hate that borderline disgusts you to be, and you're also feeling like they aren't being considerate to your feelings. They're SO UPSET that you treat yourself like this that once they forcibly disconnect you and force your soul and energy back into your true body, they confiscate if not outright DESTROY your little decoy, which ALSO completely breaks your heart, and they're all, weirdly fetishistic and sappy and doe eyed as you sit there on your closet floor crying tears of frustration and grief and anger from your stupid boxy head because 1. They've never seen you cry before and 2. This is the first time they're basically officially truly meeting "their real soulmate" and seeing and hearing you completely unfiltered (hostile cussing and all)

I just really like how Hazbin has a lot of fantasy and magic in it which really expands the possibility for the kinds of stories we can think about and have fun with and all of you are clearly having fun too, sending me asks way more quickly than I can answer them. We're all having fun here for sure

[leoncillo]

Sooo uhhh the clones' colors reminded me of Uno cards and I couldn't get the idea out of my head so I wrote this, but it's messy and not really edited or fleshed out and written on my phone. I might put more into it and put it on AO3, too. This is like only the second fic I've ever shown to the public. Uh yeah. >.>;;

Aizetsu/Sekido/Karaku/Urogi x Reader, Zohakuten is their little brother. Reader is gender neutral. Reader is Black.

Uno with the Hantengu Clones

You walked with a pep in your step ready to get home to your apartment and four demon boyfriends and their little brother. You knew during they day they tended to get antsy because they couldn't go outside freely and this usually resulted in-

"Leave me alone, Karaku!" you heard your sorrowful boyfriend shout as you approached the door.

You pinched the bridge of your nose and took a deep breath before adjusting the groceries in your arms to open the door.

"Okay! Okay! I'll stop, Sekido! Ahh!" you watched as your easily angered boyfriend choked his green eyed brother with his staff for messing with the blue eyed one.

"They're home! They're home!" you heard as your feathered joyful ball of energy of a boyfriend as he nearly tackled you in an embrace. "We're so bored! Play with us!"

You pushed him away to get a little space and protect him from the sunlight long enough to get the groceries on the counter.

"I figured you would be so I got a little card game at the store. The cards reminded me of you guys. I don't know how hard games back when y'all were younger were, but it's pretty easy. First, could I ask for a little help putting things away?"

Sekido, the angry one, let go of Karaku and roughly pushed him towards the kitchen and Aizetsu and Zohakuten followed. They each you a kiss on the cheek as they passed by to grab items from the bags. Except Zohakuten who gave you a simple nod and glare. He's a bit shy, that one.

"So many plastic bags. This makes me sad. You should get reusable bags, dear." Aizetsu said, his eyes glossy with unshed tears.

After ten minutes or so, you lead the boys back into the living room and told them to sit down at the low table for the game. A small part of you figured this was probably a horrible idea, but the curious side just had to see what happened.

"This game is called Uno" you said as you explained the rules and dealt their hands for them.

"Are you not gonna play with us?" Urogi asked, watching you sit in a chair a bit far away.

"No, no. I'm goo-"

"Gimme all your green cards. I don't want these other colors" said Karaku.

"I would rather have blue i-if that's alright" said Aizetsu.

"And I want red, but according to them, that's not how this works, you imbeciles! Stop switching cards!" said Sekido

"I hate this already. I don't even have a color, either. Hmph." said Zohakuten

You sighed as you dealt out the cards AGAIN before smirking to yourself in your seat with your phone recording. You wondered how long it would be before the first incident.

"Ha! Draw four, Aizetsu!" Urogi happily shouted as his brother was on the verge of tears.

"That's so mean! I already have 15 cards."

"Just take it like a man and draw the cards, damnit!"

Urogi watched in a fit of giggles.

"I demand the new color be red!" shouted Sekido. You peeked at his hand and raised your eyebrow as it was mostly yellow.

The pile was only red for five seconds before Karaku made it green.

"MOTHERFUCKER" said an extra angry Sekido who had to be held back by Zohakuten and Aizetsu before he smacked his brother over the head with his staff.

"I hate all of you!" said a pouty Zohakuten as he had his turn skipped.

"Wait, you two, come here" you asked Zohakuten and Aizetsu to the side to give them a tip as you could see they were going to get bullied.

When the game resumed, Zohakuten and Aizetsu both put down draw four cards making it so that Karaku had to draw eight.

"No fair! You told them to do that! You can't pick favorites" said Karaku ready to blow the whole damn table away with his leaf.

"I don't even see that being allowed in the rule book! What gives?!" shouted Sekido.

"You read the rule book? T-These are house rules. It's how me and my friends and family play! Besides you guys are always so mean to my sweet boys" you said as you held Aizetsu's and Zohakuten's heads against you.

"Can I be pet like that, too?" asked Urogi completely oblivious to the tension in the room.

By time the game was over, no one had actually won and the room was in shambles and the table in splinters, but you were all in a cuddle puddle to cool off. You sent the video to Hantengu's main body to share with the other upper moons.

[accirax]

initial thoughts on DCAS episode 16

... is Derek really an incel? like, at the very least, shouldn't him being with Kristal prove that he isn't an incel? i have no qualms with Emily insulting Derek, but she should at least be accurate.

ooh, Emily going full villain mode? we stan :D

girl how would you possibly think this would work

so Ally has resorted to playing a fully emotional game, huh? you either get eliminated a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the Jake.

the music in this scene cracked me up. also, i think aleriya is (canonically) dead after this scene, if it hadn't already died beforehand. (i say canonically bc fans can do whatever they want)

d-does he still...? also, obligatory "just because Connor loves Riya doesn't mean she has any obligation to love him back, villain or not."

i really can't tell if this part of Ally's character arc is meant to be viewed as good or bad. like, the show is obviously telling us that Ally's overall trajectory is bad, and being needlessly cruel to other people for the sake of putting your own emotional wellbeing first could certainly be a part of that. but, there's also been a lot of commentary about how hard it is to be under the scrutiny of social media (likely from the crew's own experiences), so Ally learning to stand up for herself and what she needs could also be a form of wish fulfillment. hopefully it'll resolve as a multi-layered predicament in the end, but i'm just trying to figure out how Ally will respond to her edit in All Stars in either the finale or the Loser's Motel episode.

...can't you just wait, like, two more episodes to directly state the point of your character arc, essentially then concluding it? then i could be sure that you'd win.

HELP

lmao of course the nerd can't rock climb. he can carry 120 pounds on his back but he cannot ascend.

Connor is really fucking strong goddamn?

Ally really can't fight this, because this is the exact rationale that she was trying to use on Jake for their entire games.

i want to see people draw buff Grett in the style of the buff Natsuki meme from DDLC. but, also, go Grett!!!

the intense difficulty of a twelve piece jigsaw puzzle. Venus noted that it really sounded like Kristal was describing a slide puzzle, but I understand why that would've been really difficult to storyboard.

Connor you can't be this stupid (/j)

in-universe, i don't really understand how she beat Alec (he was really good at the block puzzle in s1 and it fits his vibes), but yay Grett! i knew she wasn't going home tonight anyway.

what else could it have possibly been, Ally? regardless, we're definitely setting up the pieces for Grett's downfall soon.

can you really count the TikTok challenge as a "Jake immunity win"? literally everyone except Gabby and Grett won immunity in that challenge.

for a moment, i really thought Connor was going to pull the Kim Possible "out there... in here..." thing.

so true Jake

this feels like a fanfic line

you know Jake's having flashbacks to his last final 6 experience.

well, while i certainly thought that it was Riya's time to go in terms of the cut, it does actually make more sense for Alec to go home here, no plot armor involved! (other than arguably the plot armor of not letting Alec win the challenge.) Alec is much more threatening in a final 3 situation because of his greater athleticism and intelligence as compared to Riya, and Grett is closer to Riya than Alec. it sucks to see one of my favorites go, but it's entirely logical.

Riya out here projecting ("little toy")

this was such a good moment. i especially love the storytelling without dialogue going on with Connor's reaction. anyways, if Riya wasn't going to win before, she's definitely not going to win now. you don't get hit with the "look at what a sorry state you're in" three episodes before the final and then snatch the W.

maybe you shouldn't have fired and humiliated your employees live on TV, then.

is this season going to end with Kristal resigning from the show? i thought that might happen to make way for Emily as the new host, but now that she's going more villainous, i don't think that'll be the cast anymore. maybe Derek and Trevor will take the show back over, as (I think) the more popular hosts in the fandom?

anyways. a solid episode! i think a good number of people saw the Connor idol play coming from a mile away, so it wasn't all that surprising that one of the major villains was going down. still, we had interesting strategy and some great character moments, especially for Connor. they're really making the best of his extended time in All Stars. and, hey, there are only two guys left, so maybe he'll make the finale! it doesn't really matter, though, because it's gonna be Jake. i'll keep riding the Jake winner train until he gets eliminated. not that i think that's going to happen ;)

see you next week!

[persona5butitsincorrect]

thoughts on shuharu/headcanons?

Its not my personal favourite ship for either of them but it's definitely my favorite for Akira/Ren/whatever you wanna call him x any of the other female phantom thieves. I mean to me she was the only one who seemed like she already liked him during her confidant in the game and they do look pretty cute together as well as seem to have a matching temprement. I also feel like I can acc see a future for them as (at least as for what I imagine for Ren) running or working in a small cafe like Leblanc would suit him. As for what I imagine they'd be like in a relationship here's a couple headcannons of mine:

Lots of coffee dates, Haru would make a point of wanting to discover new obscure restaurants and cafes, and of course Ren will follow suit. Not that he doesn't enjoy it mind.

Mans whipped (😏) and pretty much owns it.

In all seriousness, it's more like he enjoys seeing her doing things that make her happy, since he knows she wasn't for so long.

When it's his turn to decide what that do on dates/days out, it's usually movies or the arcades. They're both surprisingly nuts for horror. And the part timer working at the theatre in shibuya knows their faces by now and always seems slightly afraid.

Same goes for anyone in the arcades, naturally, Haru calls out the most horrendous sadistic stuff like in mementos while they play first person shooters. It's like she forgets she's in public sometimes. Ren finds seeing peoples shocked faces pretty funny.

When Ren moves back home Haru winds up coming to visit for a majority of the summer. Out in the country, she stands out like a sore thumb even more than in Tokyo. She hadn't not been in a city before and seemed to imagine it being a lot more different than it actually is.

His parents though mostly absent are incredibly confused by her sudden surprise arrival in a chauffer, with four suitcases of clothes (she knew she was staying quite a while). Especially as they'd never even heard of her.

Ren hadn't brought her up mainly because they didn't need to know, just like they hadn't bothered to call once when he was in Tokyo, he hadn't bothered to say anything.

Honestly, Ren had very few friends at home, even less after everything that happened. And the people who did still hang around seemed to have an issue with Haru. In general she has this level of unintentional classism-- she just kind of forgets certain things are a luxury and not everyday. And it seemed to be the main thing that was putting people off tho her. It really annoyed him but he didn't really know what to do about it except from distance himself.

It was all making him really regret moving home. So much so he wound up making plans for how he'd move back to Tokyo after finishing his 3rd year of high-school and what he'd actually do with himself once he did. Plans Haru and Makoto helped him draw up.

He, like Haru, wants to run some kind of small private run cafe. Sojiro is mentoring them both. They're heavily considering the possibility of going in on the buisness venture together but it's still very much early days.

Both of them have a keen interest in French literature. Which is part of what got them both talking to eachother outside of the group in the first place. They exchange annotated books a lot - haru using purple post it's and Ren using red.

After her "Relationship" with Sugimura, Haru isn't all that comfortable with physical affection. She especially hates feeling vulnerable. It's a very slow process for her to feel secure again. Luckily Ren is very aware of that and incredibly patient. Partly because he feels the exact same way. After being caught in Sae's palace, battered and dosed up, losing his autonomy and feeling out of control. It all bore on his mental wellbeing a lot. That understanding between them is part of what makes them feel safe around eachother.

Ren has a pretty hard time getting to sleep. He thinks maybe a part of him is Afraid he'll wind up in the velvet room again. Most of the time Haru tries to stay awake with him or offer to stay up so he feels less alone and in danger. But 99% of the time she winds up conking out, of course only after half an hour as incoherent slurred talking whilst she denies she's even tired.

In line with all this, Haru still has moments where she gets incredibly upset or distressed and isn't sure how to communicate it. The way Ren chooses to respond is to give her physical space but stay with her. A majority of the time they don't talk and he just sits by her, letting her come to him if she wants/needs anything (usually a hug once she's calmed down).

There's a lot of hand holding between them. If there sat idly somewhere haru tends to grab Rens hand and trace it's edges with her finger out of boredom.

She's definitely a snorer. But it's a cute snore. Like a little toot noise every so often. That actually does help Ren sleep.

Whilst he already has a pretty good sense of fashion. Harus always wanting to dress him up, and a majority of the time he let's her.

One time Ann suggested she should try and get him to wear a dress, not expecting the fact he was more than happy to. Even more so he pulled it off with way more confidence than anything any of them had ever seen. (Ryuji discovered something about himself that day)

When there together they have this peaceful quiet sometimes, both of them enjoy just stopping and listening to the world around them (which cannot be said for some of their other friends). As well as this they have this way of being able to communicate without words. When they're in group settings it drives everyone else insane trying to figure out what the difference is between their different stares at one another mean and how they developed such a language.

[sarcasticsciencefictionwriter]

For the kisses game: 💛 with the ship of your choice. :)

Thank you and sorry this took so long! Ooooh, my choice? 😏 This is going to be Helen/Ranna, because I'm still on my Ranna obsession. (Thank you so much for giving me pick of the ship, even though I don't know if this is one you like!) This takes place during Sanctuary For None Part 2 and incorporates a couple headcanons.

💛 reunion kiss / relief __

Helen's ears were ringing from the explosion that had touched the edge of her hearing just as they had teleported, and her eyes had to take a moment to adjust to the lighting of Hollow Earth.

She was, she realized, holding Ashley's arm in a death grip, quite possibly on the verge of drawing blood with her fingernails.

She hastily loosened her grip and looked at her daughter.

Ashley didn't say anything. Neither of them had the words for what Helen had just done, the necessity of the action ignored in the pain caused by quite literally burning their home to the ground.

"Are you all right?" Helen managed, though Ashley had only been there in the last minutes.

"Yeah, Mom."

Ashley gave her a small, tight smile.

"Helen!"

Helen turned to see the people rushing towards them, found that she couldn't convince her legs to move towards them, though she wanted to. If she unlocked her knees, there was a very good chance that she would collapse to the ground.

John reached them first, by virtue of longer legs, but stayed back from Helen herself, instead eyes inspecting Ashley like any good father would.

Ranna had no such qualms, stopping mere inches from Helen, eyes scanning her briefly before locking on her face.

With no further hesitation, Ranna kissed Helen, the action almost harsh.

The harshness was something Helen needed and something she embraced, and she kissed Ranna back, the hand that had been clutching Ashley's arm almost madly scrabbling at Ranna's back to steady herself.

Their combine relief was palpable and nearly overwhelming. Helen's for her plan actually working, Ranna's for seeing Helen emerge alive, and together it was nearly enough to drown her.

Ranna pulled away first and Helen almost yanked her back, needing that anchor.

"You're shaking."

"I-I'm alright."

It wasn't a lie, but it certainly wasn't true.

Ranna's brow creased and she tugged Henry's shield from Helen's shoulder, the thing that had allowed her and Ashley to teleport through the explosions unharmed, that allowed them to be here now.

"Take this." Ranna nearly snapped at John, holding it out.

John's eyes glittered, but he took it.

"Go inform the others that it's over."

John and Ranna stared each other down, Ranna expecting to be listened to, John clearly not enjoying the orders.

"Please." Helen managed.

John looked at her one more time and Ashley tugged his arm, leading him away to where it looked like others were waiting, either knowing that Helen needed time or simply not able to keep up with the strides of the other two.

She watched them go, realizing that she was shaking rather hard, and she looked at Ranna again.

"What do you need?"

"I don't know."

Helen laughed almost hysterically, knees buckling.

Ranna caught her and held her, kissing the top of her head gently.

"I just blew up my home. I abandoned the people I have on the surface. I told the entire world about abnormals and then staged my own death. I kissed Nikola!"

"Did you, now? Well, I suppose the Praxian and vampire rivalry isn't quite at an end, then."

Helen laughed weakly into her chest, wondering why this was what shook her so badly, what made her brain stutter and struggle to function.

But it did and she didn't know why.

Logically, it shouldn't have. Every Sanctuary except for New York and London had been emptied to Hollow Earth. Henry, Will, Kate, Abby, and Nikola were safe. They would be here. Eventually.

She had been working on this plan for over a century and it had reached completion. It was on to the next stage.

And Helen. Couldn't function.

Ranna seemed to understand. Of course she did. She had been through the destruction of her entire city. But unlike Helen, she had lost the people that had refused to leave.

She held on to Helen as long as Helen allowed her to and Helen was able to regain function in her legs.

"How is--"

"Your father is caring for him now." Ranna's fingertips brushed her lips. "He said he's strong."

Her old friend might not be strong enough to pull through what had been done to him, but Helen could barely keep her mind on that.

They faced each other and Ranna turned to face the Sanctuary, Helen allowing her gaze to travel over it.

At this time of night, most of the residents would be in their rooms and habitats and they were now alone, letting her take in the sight of the Sanctuary she had built and abandoned and come back to so many times over the years.

She had the sudden image of a phoenix rising from the rubble the Old City Sanctuary was now and grasped Ranna's hand, squeezing it for a moment before letting go.

They started walking, silent.

To rest, to hold vigil, Helen wasn't certain.

Her mind and her body needed some time. She knew that she was experiencing symptoms of shock and it made her feel ashamed, because that was the sort of reaction she could never afford to have.

It was finally Ranna that broke the silence.

"Caleb?"

"Dead."

"How?"

"Drill through the chest from the lab defense."

Ranna grimaced, as if she thought this was too much, which nearly amused Helen coming from the woman that had regularly executed people and stored their bodies for potential later revival.

"We'll be safe now."

Helen said it as a promise, a prayer, the thing that she would die to make certain remained true.

Ranna gave her a smile and that look made Helen feel better, more stable.

They walked until they were at the path through the water, the path that led to the outside world, where Helen hoped to soon bring the remainders of her family through.

They sat together at the edge of the water, Ranna gently running her fingers through Helen's ponytail, teasing the knots out as Helen removed her weapons and left them in a careless pile beside her.

The smell of blood and the tinge of fire from the explosions were slowly fading and Helen tilted her head back, closing her eyes against the artificial night above her.

Ranna's hand stilled at the nape of her neck and Helen leaned into it.

She had no idea how long they stayed there, just sitting on the edge of the water, the shakiness in Helen's body ebbing away to leave her feeling exhausted and almost numb.

Her mind was tracing back through everything that had reached completion and everything they were heading towards now.

"They'll find the way home."

Helen opened her eyes and looked at Ranna, vulnerability sliding in to nudge the shock and shakiness away.

"Do you truly think so?"

She hadn't even had time to address the fear that they wouldn't. That they wouldn't understand, that they would resent her so much they would throw her clues away and continue the lives they had on the surface. That she had sacrificed more than her home for this.

Ranna squeezed her neck gently and let go.

"I know they will."

The words were enough to make her want to cry, the tipping point of the last few weeks. The tipping point of the last eleven decades.

"And I reserve the right to be present when they do. Your vampire and I need to have a few words."

Helen laughed, which saved her from crying, leaning forward and kissing Ranna again.

This time, it wasn't harsh. It was still full of the emotions, but it was long and lingering, an exchange rather than a clash.

This time, Helen held on and didn't let go.

[funnuraba]

1919: a portrait of changing times. In The Coming of Bill, Wodehouse satirized the subject of eugenics. In this scene, a debutante's brother confronts her about her failure to marry, and is disturbed by her talk of choosing a husband based on their aunt's eugenic theories--not because he's against the principle of "improving the race", but because of the idea of women talking about theoretical future children. It's sometimes hard to tell in Wodehouse's work whether these scenes reflect reality or his own Victorian sensibilities, but generally he's pretty sympathetic to the younger set and their new mores, even if he doesn't want to talk about sex personally. The downside of the whole thing is that he's clearly not skewering the characters' fixation in the white race, either. He simply finds all the skull-measuring silly, and disagrees with the accompanying sterile views on child-reading. Boys, he feels, should be hugged by their parents, and they should be out scrapping with other boys and playing in the dirt, never mind all that sissy stuff about keeping clean and maintaining ideal temperatures. This would come off as pretty sound if he hadn't been ridiculing the idea of sanitizing things in the middle of the Spanish flu pandemic!

Some reviewers call this a dull piece, but I found it very interesting simply because his later work so thoroughly avoided serious topics. You can also see a rare attempt to step into the shoes of a father during the birth of first child--a son, no less. This is something that never happened to Wodehouse himself, and the vast majority of parent-child relationships in his work are a father and adult daughter or step-daughter, from which he could draw from his own life. The characters are his usual archetypes, with little to distinguish them except for being in a more serious story. Mrs Porter is his typical formidable aunt; Kirk his typical hero with a mild but not overwhelming sense of humor; Steve his typical "Say! 'D'jever see the like of this gink!" American roughneck. Bill is very unusual for Wodehouse as a wholesome, positively presented young boy, but since he's four, there's not a great deal to him either.

I did perceive the hint of something deeper in Kirk's frustration with his wife's new habit of going out to society dinner parties that he finds dull and pointless. This is ripped from Wodehouse's real life, with his wife Ethel being the one who enjoyed socializing, while he preferred to stay home and focus on his only real interests: sports, writing, and their Pekingese dogs. Probably he was channeling some of his own pet peeves when Kirk announces that he was perfectly happy living as a hermit, with the three of them--husband, wife and baby--seeing no one at all outside of their own little unit. However, the couple's windfall and fancy new house wouldn't be reflected in Wodehouse's real life for another year or so. It's unlikely that he's accusing Ethel of getting sick of her child, as Kirk does to Ruth.

In The Coming of Bill, as with many of his romances where the female partner dominates the male, there's an uneasiness to the whole thing. Very rarely is it entirely acceptable for matters to proceed as they are; the woman makes use of her power to mistreat the man, sometimes interfering in the life of their child and forbidding them to marry. The man must rise up and assume his proper role, even if only once, in order for the story to have its happy ending. The older married men tend to rebel in little ways, sneaking away from a big party to go to a baseball game, or sneaking money to their beloved stepdaughter by stealing their wife's property. The younger men are freer to reverse the dynamic and make it clear that they're done being bossed around forever.

And still it's treated as a truism in his stories that married men automatically roll over for their wives. Wodehouse clearly preferred to let his wife take the lead socially, but he wasn't fully comfortable letting his male characters do the same and be happy with it. The young men in particular have to fit the hero model by the end of the story.

[breaking-circles]

[Image Description: Marian Churchland's Dragon Age OC template filled out with Isiik Lavellan, a dalish warrior Inquisitor. Isiik is shown from the waist up, looking warily to the side and crouching slightly. In his right hand, he holds his sword angled up and ready to attack. His left hand is braced out in front of him, the mark glowing a bright green. He is wearing a purple scarf draped over a dark purple jacket with puffy sleeves that end just past his elbows. The jacket tucks into high-waisted brown pants. Under the jacket he is wearing a pale yellow shirt. He has a shield on his back, the strap of which crosses his chest. He is wearing a glove missing its pointer and thumb fingers on his right hand. His dark reddish-brown hair is pulled back in a short ponytail except for two strands that hand on either side of his face. He has Dirthamen's vallaslin, which has smooth, flowing lines on his forehead, cheeks, chin, and along the length of his nose. He is frowning slightly and his brow is furrowed. His long elfin ears are nearly perpendicular to his head, causing him to appear slightly nervous or on edge. He has a pale scar that goes across his lips, reaching from the bottom of his chin to nearly reaching his nose and bisecting some of the vallaslin on his chin. He has heavy bags under his eyes. In the background, faint green lightning fans out from the mark. Next to his head are the words "wow this place is a freakshow. i dont respect literally any of you people." Below the quote is an attribution to "-Neopets User, 2017". Below the drawing, several traits are listed with a line between them to mark where the character falls between the two. Between cautious and reckless, Isiik is very cautious; between selfless and self-serving, he is more self-serving; between emotion-driven and logic-driven, he is more logic-driven; between forthright and dissembling, he is more dissembling; between friendly and unfriendly, he is more unfriendly; between devout and questioning he is extremely devout; and between trusting and suspicious he is very suspicious. Below the traits is a list of his main party: Cole, The Iron Bull, and Vivienne or Solas. Below that, there are a series of symbols that indicate which choices he made throughout the game. The first three indicate he is a sword-and-shield-wielding warrior, who chose the Champion specialization, and romanced no-one. The next row of five indicates he sided with free mages, left Hawke in the fade, preserved the Gray Warden order, gave the Orlesian throne to Gaspard with blackmail to benefit Briala, and drank from the Well himself. End of Image Description]

Ok! Last but not least here's Isiik (pronounced iz-ick), my Inquisitor! He has probably had the MOST change since my first playthrough. He is now an extremely jaded guy who is very much here against his will and refuses to let anyone forget that. His number one goal is getting shit fixed so he can go home and be left alone. The only person he gets along with is Cole and, at times, The Iron Bull. Nearly everyone else has said something to upset him and he holds grudges like a true champion. Basically, I'm living out my 'let me be a hater' feelings through him.

Currently, I'm designing him to be Intersex and Hard of Hearing. I am not part of either of these communities myself so I'm doing my best to research and portray these parts of him as best as possible since I really want to get this right. If anyone has any good suggestions for designing a character with these traits, please know advice, feedback, and critiques are always appreciated :]

Flat versions under the cut, since this post is already too long~

[Image Description: The same drawing as in the first image, though this time without the background or shading, making the colors easier to pick out. In the first of the two drawings, the glowing green mark remains, in addition to a glare on his sword. In the second image, both of those are removed, though a white gash remains where the mark is located. End Description.]

As always, relevant stuff will be in the replies. Thank you for the kind words and such, folks :]

[antvnger]

Blood Brothers AU - The Oreo Throwdown of 2023

((Oh no...not the last cookie @loki-notazombie LOL! Those poor cookies, especially Oreos. The Stark boys have been fighting over Oreos since Scott was like two years old and learned he liked Oreos too. It's one of the few things they actually fight over.

Now, it's not exactly a "fight" per se, but it is a challenge, getting that last cookie. There's bragging rights involved, you know? And these boys love their bragging rights.

As children, the issue with their last cookie fight was the grownups, especially Momma Stark and Jarvis. Why tussle over one cookie? Especially since they predict said cookie would just end up as crumbs on the floor and neither boy got it?

But it was the ultimate game of keep-away they could play, and the rewards were worth the game. There was never any real hard feelings either. Just a few smirks and snickers and some "I win, Stark" and "Just wait til next time, Stark" kind of things.

Have you ever seen that "fight" from Kung Fu Panda between Po and Shifu over that last dumpling? Well imagine that but less finesse and a cookie. Ultimate keep-away.

As adults though...

You have to understand some things. Adult life has been hard on these boys. They both have gone through a lot, and as Starks, they're expected to behave a certain way. They're in the spotlight what feels like constantly, and there's so few things that feels like solely theirs, completely separate from the eyes of the public.

And there's so few things that remind them of better times, back when they were kids. When they still had Mom and Dad and Jarvis and their nanny who all loved them and felt like even with the weirdness of the paparazzi and the public, things were still okay because they had love and family to go home to. Simpler times when the strife adulthood brought on too soon didn't touch them yet.

With that being said, anything that reminds them of childhood, they're more than likely going to jump into it. And they don't do anything half-assed either.

Besides their families, no one knows this better than the remaining Avengers at the compound during the whole Time Heist thing.

It's what they call The Oreo Throwdown of 2023.

There was a time when Tony and Scott got into it for a very brief moment over a last Oreo, but Natasha swooped in and saved the day with an unopened package of Oreos and a deadpan "You're actual children" remark, but The Oreo Throwdown of 2023 snowballed into this big thing.

There is no other package in the cabinet to save the boys from what's coming. No one else dared to get in the middle of wanting the last Oreo for themselves. And when Tony activated his suit with the biggest smirk you ever saw, challenging his little brother for the last Oreo "You want that Oreo, you're gonna have to go through me, Tiny Tim," no one didn't know what to do. And when Scott changed into his suit faster than humanly possible and declared "Challenge accepted, Tin Man," something interesting happened.

Have you ever worked so hard and so long on something that you practically welcome literally anything to draw your attention for a break? Well, the remaining Avengers got exactly that in this moment.

They've been working on the Time Heist nonstop for days. They needed a mental break, and if this was how it was going to happen, then so be it. Scott was good at providing mental and physical breaks for everybody, including a 5 hour long game of Uno, but this was something else entirely.

Therefore, nobody really wanted to go to the nearest store to get a package of Oreos because this looked too...intriguing to stop it.

The challenge was quickly moved to the training arena, where the rest of the Avengers sat on one side or the other, depending on which brother they thought would win, and believe it or not, it was a pretty even split except for Rhodey who sat in the middle and said he knew better than to choose between the brothers.

(And before you ask, I headcanon in this AU and in canonverse that Scott had a plethora of Pym particles stored in his suit, but for the Quantum suits, he only had the few vials. And pulling from the suit to fill up more vials was a tricky process, so he just stuck with what they had unless absolutely necessary.)

Scott ran into trouble before they even started he realized he couldn't pull the same stunt he did back in Germany. It's a lot harder to hack nanotech like that. The only way, he surmised, was to slip into the arc reactor and take that out from the inside if he wanted to go that route. (Which happens to be where they got the idea for that part of the Time Heist). That or he got grow giant and grab Tony like an action figure.

Tony knew catching his little brother would be tricky considering all the tricks Scott had up his sleeve, but Tony had a few tricks up his sleeve as well. He learned a thing or two from Germany, and he believed himself to be better prepared for any tiny or giant surprises.

Bets were made, cheers were made up, trash talk ensued from the sidelines, and two smug boys went head to head in the greatest fight over the last cookie of their lives...to date.

I could write a book over the fight, and honestly it probably would be worth writing some time because it's a bit comical.

But the important thing to note that when having a captive audience turned the keep-away into a throwdown, there was one very important aspect that was ironically overlooked in the excitement. No one was guarding the cookie. Therefore, while all this was going on, someone else ate the cookie, and the victor did not get his spoils. It was Bruce. To be fair, he didn't know about the throwdown challenge; he was taking a power nap. It takes a lot to be Professor Hulk, ya know.

Scott laughed his head off when they realized the cookie had already been eaten, and Tony smirked, chuckled, and rolled his eyes as his response. Then he declared he and Scott would go to the store and get groceries to stock up the Avengers' kitchen.

Including quite a few packages of cookies.))

[rockmiyabideusexmachina]

2023 Megaman Secret Valentine Event *Signups Closed*

Wait, you say to yourself. After like 16 years, suddenly this subject header says Event and not Contest? Miyabi, what’s going on?!

Well, I’m going to flip the script a little this year and try something different, for a few different reasons: One, after so many years of romantic contest themes, it can be a little hard brainstorming something that feels different. Two, some people are more likely to participate in something a little more relaxed and not as competitive. And three, there is a certain Megaman video game collection coming out in a couple more months after Valentine’s, and maybe there will be something else art-themed planned that will be announced soonish as well... So I don’t want to creatively burn people out, either. 

So, taking a note from the annual Robot Rumpus Secret Santa, I’m going to attempt a quick Secret Valentine Event instead. Help someone feel the love this Valentine’s Day through creating a Valentine’s Day gift for them. Consider this a test of sorts. For everyone who signs up, you will randomly receive an assignment to draw for another participant as their Secret Valentine.

Sign Up Instructions:

1.) When you are ready, send me a dm/message/note via Tumblr, Twitter or dA, stating you intend to sign up to draw for someone. 

2.) In your message to me, please include a wish list with a minimum of 3 individual characters or couples from the Megaman franchise that you would be happy to have drawn for you as Valentine’s gift art. 

Artwork does not necessarily have to be love/romance themed, but it is preferred to fit with the holiday

Any kind of artstyle and medium are welcome. Well, with one exception. I guess since it is in popular discussion, I have to address it. The artwork needs to be your own creation. Artwork created through AI technology will not be accepted. The only AI I will accept are Akane Illustrations, but seeing as I am running this and not participating, there likely will be no reason for any of you to create AI bribery images this year, then will there?! ;p

Signups will run from today until Thursday, Jan. 12th, 2023. That gives you one week to sign up.

On Friday the 13th, Cupid Wily and I will message everyone back with their assignments, and their assignment’s wish list. Then you will have one month to create your gift art for your Secret Valentine. 

Secret Valentine’s art will be due Monday, Feb. 13th, 2023, by the global end of the day. 

Please send your gift art to me by that date. If you are done before that date, it’s fine to send it to me. I will then compile all the art into a homemade Valentine’s Day shoebox gallery/thread like I usually do for contests. And crossing my fingers, I will have everything posted then on Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14th. You are certainly welcome to send your Secret Valentine their art privately, before me spoiling it in the gallery/thread, but preferably not before Feb. 12th. Let’s keep it close to the holiday.

If you don’t want to participate in the exchange, but would like to draw some sort of generic “backup” Megaman-themed Valentine that we could send in case a participant can’t complete their gift, let me know. 

Will there still be prizes? 

Yes, I still plan to do a participation raffle, with prize money for a certain number of randomly chosen people who decide to join in. Not going to say a number/amount yet, depending on how many people decide to sign up. But bare minimum, it will be 6 winners, much like the usual top 3 for 2 categories in the annual contest. To be announced after signups are complete. *1/12 UPDATE* Raffle prizes are now confirmed: There will be 3 grand prize raffle winners, who will each take home $125 in prize money.  There will also be 6 runner up raffle prize winners, and each will recieve a physical copy of the Mechanical Heart Megaman 35th Anniversary fanzine. 

In order to be eligible for the raffle prizes, you simply have to complete your assignment and send it to me by the Feb. 13th (global end of the day) deadline. If you fail to complete your assignment on time, you will not be eligible for any raffle prizes. 

If you have already preordered the fanzine and do not wish to be eligible for it, please let me know. */EDIT*

Paypal is still the preferred method for cash prize payouts. Please have a valid account to receive your winnings.

Any other questions, or something you felt I forgot to address? Feel free to ask. 

I’ll edit a confirmed participant list in this thread as I receive them. 

*FINAL Confirmed participant list*

@pstart @larytello CyborgWizard @digitallyfanged @sunchaserwings @cherry-lemonaid @dragonmarquise Spectrum W @dahlia-the-nurd BinglesP ShidoniDrella AbilityField @nightopianfoxgirl @aw-colorcat @jade-everstone Dr. Fresh @velcrowme @feliner @megagundamman Megagamer829 @tinyreploid Karokuri sshrimpiee @skyyism Zyrphia RobArts @w1nt3rlyn01r​ STAR0VERHE4D MithClearwell DinnerSonic

[lycorisblooms]

You play STUPID games, you win STUPID prizes

A Ka.veh (h.s.r verse) character study

His life purpose began when the smartest of them all cast his gaze upon him.

From the time that the artisan was young, he was exposed to art. Whether it was the beautiful sleekness of starskiffs, paint, watercolors, or fast speed. The little blond boy knew nothing but art and love.

Perhaps that should have been the time that his mother should have taught his heart some hardness. Perhaps he would have not latched onto the thought of abandonment so easily. Perhaps the death of his father was the catalyst.

They said it was an accident. He was a fleet pilot, and one of the best. He still remembers the General coming to pay his condolences, a young boy who didn't understand that his papa wasn't COMING BACK.

[ He purposely ignores the elite, he has for years. Even with the general's invitations for tea over his most prized work, it falls ignored despite the kindness that he gives to everyone. It's still too painful. ]

It's only when he joins the commission that his mother leaves. He comes home, excited to tell her about his acceptance over his designs to find that the home is empty. His mother at least leaves a note, tells him she's sorry.

How could he blame her? Despite the hot tears trailing down his face, staining the paper, how could he hate her? But it's the first time he feels alone.

He's a young man when he's first recognized for his work. Beautiful starskiffs flying across the sky, everyone wants to know who the designer is. Rich colors, fantastic spiraling swirls. He's practically known over the Xianzhou. Yet, it feels as though it isn't enough. True abandonment comes when he hears through the grapevine that his mother remarried. Another arrow in the chest.

He had always been likened to a bird of paradise, the flamboyant colors and garish personality that exuded from him blended with the true and loyal kindness that the artisan gave. And perhaps, it's what caused him to go on a bit of a spree of indulgence after finding that out.

Three weeks. Three weeks of working and in between, pleasures. Drinking to his heart's content, waking up in a different bed every night. No one called back, but it was a comfort to feel like he wasn't alone. One hundred and fifty years later, and he hadn't done anything his younger self might have done.

He has a roommate, his life is back on the path of a star studded designer. Everything should have been fine. Everything should have been exactly how it should have been. Except it wasn't the moment a blue-haired merchant slid up to him.

He's a bit wine drunk, babbling on about his "stupid roommate", and the man listens to every word and even buys him another round. It wasn't a normal day, either. The anniversary of his father's death was the only time he allowed himself the draw of drunkenness. He considered it the day everything changed.

Like his roommate said: You play stupid games, and you win stupid prizes.

It did not take him long to fall headfirst. Rendevous that ended in passionate embraces, long stays, drinking. He knows that he wants more than this, but knows that the other man does not.

And he should know not to try and tame something that doesn't want to be tamed.

He thought it was enough. Even if he didn't feel the same, just being there was enough. Having him there was enough and he could keep his feelings to himself. And where was he now?

Staring at the light of the sky, the pinpricks that he's sure are real stars somewhere. He's done all the crying he can muster, the feeling of loneliness like a cold void in his chest.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

He has never begged for anything in his life, but he wished he could have.

But it's fine, He tells himself. If I made him happy for a moment, it's enough.

[mini-sae]

Punishment :

You were more excited than you should be. You screwed up. Big time !

But seing the coldness in John's eyes and the tightness of his jaw, you couldn't help yourself. You knew what was coming for you and it was thrilling.

The homelander was usualky kind to you. Always seeking your affection and approval. He was ruthless to others, and yet so kind to you.

Except in moments like this.

He needed your complete attention. Your love and devotion. Either at home or in public.

And you always listen to him during his public speeches. You always have eyes for only him.

But tonight, some guy was lost and was looking for his wife in the crowd. So he asked you for indications. And you had the boldness to answer him. To help him.

And that didn't go unnoticed.

As soon as your eyes landed on John again, you were pierced by his cold stare. And you knew that it wouldn't go unpunished.

He held you close during the flight back home. Always being concerned about your safety. But once you were safe at home, there was no gentleness in his behavior.

- We talked about this. - He says, through clenched teeth.

- I know, baby. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...

- Eyes on me. Always.

You take a step back, knowing that it won't help you. He just walks slowly towards you.

- Baby, come on. You know that I...

He almosts jumps on you. One hand on the back of your neck and the other around your chin.

- Is there too much asking ? You, listening to me ?

- No.

- You, keeping your eyes on me and only me ?

- No.

- And yet, you disobeyed.

- Homelander, please.

You could stop this. Use his real name, and be done with it. He knows of course you didn't mean to hurt him, you were just being helpful. But he can't tolerate losing a fraction of your attention. It frustrates him.

And you'll gladly let him lashing out on you.

Next thing you know, you find yourself bent over the armrest of your couch.

He puts a hand on your back and lifts up your dress with the other. He carresses you slowly through the fabric of your panties before roughly pulling them down.

You bit one of the cushions as his hand slaps sharply your right cheek. Then you bite it again when he slaps your left cheek. All that with his gloves on. God, how much you loved these gloves.

- You need to understand, sweetheart. You need a reminder.

He spanks you once again, harder.

- Say it.

- I need a reminder. - You whine, pathetically.

You don't know how many spanks he give to you, but he stops as you struggle to catch your breath.

You thought he was tired of this little game, but you realized that it was for you when he puts you in a more comfortable position.

He sits you at the edge of the couch and almost bends you in half. You watch him taking his cock out and lick your lips.

He enters you roughly but waits for you to adjust for him. When you nod at him, he's giving you everything he can.

Sometimes, you wished he didn't have always to hold back. His natural strengh would kill you so easily. He had to make the effort of not hurting you. You got to enjoy the ride.

You claw at his arms, taking his hard pounding. You can feel your orgasm building.

- Don't you dare coming without permission.

His voice is rough and strained.

- Baby, please.

You don't think you can obey him. His body, his smell, his anger, his love. It's all too much.

- Homelander. I want to cum. Let me, please.

He's watching you with piercing blue eyes. You know he's close.

- You don't deserve it.

You made such a sad pitiful noise. You try to contain it. Because that's what he wants.

- But I love you. Even when you're a bad little girl.

- I love you too. - You say, through gasps.

- Cum for me, sweetheart.

You never came so hard in your life. He's riding you through your orgasm, chasing his own pleasure at the same time.

He doesn't waist any time before lifting you up. He's laying down on the couch and let you fall on his chest.

He's lazily drawing circles on your back. You sigh contently and close your eyes.

- Never disobey me again. - He whispers.

- I don't know. Maybe I will. Just a little.

He chuckles and caresses your face.

- Okay. Just a little

[pbandjesse]

So I came home. I wasn't planning on coming home. But honestly I'm glad I did because I did not feel good today and my neck hurt and I was just kind of having a bad time. Not that it was a bad day but body wise no good.

I didn't sleep terribly last night, falling asleep was hard, and waking up was worse. I woke up because it was raining and then it was loud and then I wanted James to hold me but my neck was in a weird position on the pillow and I was too tired of fix it and that ended up hurting me all day. Like I couldn't bend my neck very much in either direction without it just really hurting but I think I finally worked that pain out but I was dealing with that literally all day.

And honestly I just felt very unwell in general. Enough that James said when I got to camp I should go talk to the nurse. I didn't have a fever or anything I just had radiating pain kind of in my arms and legs coming from my stomach. I would almost describe them as like cramps but they weren't cramps. It was like waves of bad feelings. Hard to describe.

But I would get up and I will get dressed and things would be okay except for I didn't feel good. I packed some food and made a lemonade and hugged on James because they were going on their very long bike ride today. And I just wanted them to be safe. But they were biking all the way to Philadelphia and that's so far! But thankfully Lane was going to act as kind of a relief driver and I knew that she would keep them safe.

So I left the house in the rain and I drove to camp and it was honestly pretty scary at times because it was really really strong rain. But I made it to camp a little after 8:00 because of an accident off the highway. And the rain was gone by the time I got there. So that was good.

And then I just got to work putting things away and getting set up. I had brought a bunch of paint from home because we have no yellow or blue or white that I've now discovered. But I was able to just kind of get myself together and then I walked down to the nurse.

Nurse Becky is very sweet and she had me sit down and she took my temperature even though I didn't eat it. And a little boy that was in there was like why is the art teacher here?? And it was very sweet. And I told her that I think it's from my IUD and she said that she's a pediatric nurse so she doesn't exactly know but she says that my assumption sounds correct and that if I'm supposed to get my IUD out soon it could be a hormonal thing. Makes sense to me. She said she didn't really know what to give me and I said I don't really want to take anything I just mostly wanted someone to know. In case I fall over later. And she said please don't fall over.

I went back up to arts and crafts and I ate my breakfast and that helped me feel a lot better. I let myself have two sodas today. And I think the caffeine helped. I've kind of been on a anti-soda kick. Not that I haven't been drinking soda But it's turned into much more occasionally than constantly. Like last year I was going through a case of soda a week and now this year I had the same four cases the entire time and they're not empty at all. And really I've just been wanting to drink lemonade and that's it. But the caffeine helped for sure.

Tyler came over to borrow materials and we talked for a while. I told him about how we're going to Uganda now and how I'm nervous but he said it sounds incredible. And I just got ready for the day. And it would be a really good day. I miss Tatiana but it was nice to be alone. Love being alone.

I was nervous about this project because it has two parts. But so far today the overnight kids are doing amazing. Day Camp is mixed but everyone really likes the drawing game and I'm really excited about that. The rock painting part is a little I think two amorphous for some of them. And I'm going to try to do better about explaining. But I think that the drawing game, exquisite corpse, is really going to take off at camp and I hope that they use it in their toolbox as counselors too.

like I said though my first two groups did such a good job and they made really cool rock pieces. And then it was lunch time. And I had brought food so I didn't have to go anywhere and I decided that I would take a little walk and collect rocks and eat my pizza and my salad and it was just really nice. I read my book a little bit but I felt a little distractible. And I kept getting up and sitting down and doing stuff and putting things away and then I went through my clothes and I picked out everything I hadn't worn this summer to bring home. And it wasn't bad at all it was just not as restful as I might have wanted.

My daycamp group after lunch did okay. They struggled but they enjoyed the drawing games and they were fun. And then we had some time outside and hammock time once the hammocks weren't too damp. And then I had my half hour break.

because I'm alone this week I was able to have my clothes the door turn off all the lights and sit in my hammock time. Which was excellent and made me feel so much better. Annabelle ended up knocking on the door a couple minutes before the end of the break because she was having a hard time and needed some materials and also just need the vent for a second and I was glad I could be that year for her. I hate that she's struggling with people not being helpful and honestly if Tatiana comes back I might suggest she goes and helps Annabella bit. Because I think she might need it more than I need it for this project. I hope Tatiana comes back or I hope another YLP wants to help out at a program like that because it really can be invaluable to have someone like that.

My bontkirchen group was great. Eva was so excited when I said that we were doing metal casting and hers came out really good! She wanted to make a bubble letter e in her first one was too sharp so we melted it back down and she carved it more in the second one came out great and she really enjoyed filing with my very expensive file from when I took jewelry classes. And I enjoyed talking to the girls and a bunch of them made really interesting pieces and it was a lot of fun. And we honestly didn't use that much metal in the end. A few of their pieces were too thin and so we just would melt them back down but I had a blast and I hope they did too. Because it really seemed like everyone was having a great time. They really didn't want to leave and I had to kind of kick them out at the end.

Because I had my last day camp group and it was Day Camp 10 which I had high expectations for but they struggled a little. They did grade with the drawing game but their rock paintings were mostly just fine. The girls that were doing it this morning were like actually drawing faces and parts and the day campers were kind of just slapping paint on the rocks and being like I'm finished I'm like I don't think you really did the spirit of the project so much. And that was not to say that everyone did that but more than I wanted to and that kind of made me annoyed. It's fine. Doesn't actually matter. The way I'm going to be framing the rock painting is an optional part of the project because I can't collect as many rocks as we would really need and having them go out and find rocks takes a little bit more time than I would like So it's kind of going to be a mix between like the drawing game and then now that we finished the drawing game let's do this painting and if they really like the drawing game maybe doing a second round of it. So we'll see what happens. I'm really glad that I got to introduce this game to them though because it's one of my favorites.

Once the kids were done they helped me clean the trays off that I had used for paint today. Which worked much better than I thought it was going to. It's always a struggle to make sure that nobody's wasting buckets of paint when they only need dots. And so I had the first group put paint on trays and then throughout the day we just used that same paint over and over and over again. So at the end of the day we didn't have a ton to wash off and we weren't wasting much. I will try again tomorrow and see if it continues to work. It did take a while for the kids to clean off the trays and they ended up only doing some of it so I had to spend a few minutes finishing it. But I didn't mind. It was nice to have a task.

But I still felt pretty unwell in my neck hurt really bad and I just wanted to go home. James had only gotten to Philly a little while before I was done for the day and they threw up apparently and I was not thrilled about that but I was glad that Lane was there for them and making sure that they were getting hydrated and getting somewhere safe. Specifically their friend's house. I think they're at Dante's house but I'm not positive.

I put a poll in the group chat asking if I should go home and Yes got two votes and no got one vote. Celia was the one that voted no and she only voted no because she wanted to show me a picture of a frog before I went home. Which was fair. I walked over to the office to see if they needed me for anything tonight and CJ was there so I sat with her and accidentally knocked over a whole bunch of tambourines which was very comedic. Just causing a commotion. And we talked for a few minutes and then she said that Celia wanted to show me a picture of a frog. I had left my phone up in the arts building so I said goodbye and told everyone I was going home and went back up there.

And honestly pretty solid frog. It was super tiny. She also found one that only had one eyeball. And that was neat. And I showed her the mushrooms that I had taken pictures of earlier in the day. After my second program I had gone to go fine two mushrooms specifically that Chris had told me he had seen. It was very nice of him when he came up halfway through the morning to let me know about them because I had not gotten to go on my mushroom walk this morning. And they were some excellent mushrooms. I found three in all. Two from him and one that I found on my own. The two that he saw were very bright and it was very cool. I sent him the pictures as well.

And then it was time for me to go home. I got my stuff together and I ate my second piece of pizza while I was driving. And it was honestly a pretty easy ride for leaving that late. Usually I would hit traffic if I left at 5:00 but I guess I lucked out. And I got back here pretty quickly. And as I was driving through the neighborhood I saw someone putting a table tray in the trash and I was like I'm going to go get that table tray. So once I parked and brought everything upstairs I immediately headed back out to go find it. And at first I thought that someone had beat me to it but I found it around the corner and I was very excited. I took it home and cleaned it up. On my walk back lots of people were smiling at me and that was nice. And I was just in a really good mood and while my neck hurt I knew that I had made the right choice coming home and I was just feeling really happy inside. Even though I was missing James and worried about them being dehydrated from their ride and throwing up. I was feeling good.

I think the trash got left open or something because it smelled horrible in our entryway so I lit a candle and cleaned a little bit. I cleaned the table tray that I got from the trash and put some other stuff away. And then I got to work on my evening project. Which was attempting to put all of the clothes I own Sam's bottoms and sweatshirts and sweaters, onto hangers to look at all of it and decide if I can get rid of anything. This did not work as well as I was hoping because it turns out I did not have enough hangers. But it was still fun to kind of go through stuff and I refolded everything in my storage box and there wasn't anything that I was like I don't really wear this I should get rid of it. So I felt like I'm at a pretty good place with my wardrobe which feels nice. I miss a lot of my fall and winter clothes though so I'm excited for those seasons but I'm going to try to enjoy the clothing options I have right now. And I redid the closet a little bit. I took all the shirts out of the box I was keeping them in because I felt like I was never utilizing because I can't see them. And I put that box in the studio for now and then I put all the shirts in my hanging box thing shelf thing. I don't know what to call it. And I think it's going to be a better system for a while. I hope someday I have a bigger closet again. I've had walk-in closets twice in my life and it's been excellent both times and I really hope that I can have a walk-in closet again.

Once I put everything away and made the space clean again I took a bath and that was really nice. I did the dishes and I went through our cabinet and chose plates that I thought we could get rid of. We have a whole set of plates that I have no idea where they came from. And I don't think we've ever used them. They're nice but we have too many plates! We're only two people. We don't need like 40 plates. That's exaggerating it's probably like 25 but still.

And I've just been hanging out since then. I had chicken nuggets for dinner. I watched videos. I hung out with sweetp. I continuously checked up on James because I was worried about them. Lane sent me a couple pictures letting me know that James was okay. And I've been just chilling. I had ice cream at one point. I checked on my aquatic friends. I painted my toenails. It was just a really excellent afternoon and evening. I'm hoping that it fixes me.

I used to this neck stretcher thing and it really did help my neck pain. I iced my neck first and then I used the stretcher thing and I wish it pushed my shoulders down a little bit more because I can definitely feel how tense they are but it helped the stiffness. So I think I'll be able to sleep a little easier.

And then I'll be going back to camp in the morning. Me and James were supposed to go see a movie tomorrow night. Specifically the Barbie movie. But I don't know if we're going to be able to do that if they're not feeling well still. So we'll see what happens But I am hopeful that it will be a very nice day. I hope that my groups are sweet and I hope that we just have a lot of fun.

I hope that you all sleep great tonight. I hope you take care of each other. I hope you're staying hydrated. Watch out for bikers. Good night everybody.

[unknownjpegs]

sixty minimum

Ina doesn’t know the hosts. She doesn’t know any of the guests either. She doesn’t know the building, the block, the neighborhood. She shows up anyway, because if there’s one thing Ina does know, it’s how to look like she belongs. At a party, Ina blends only because she does not blend at all. There’s always one of those, isn’t there? Someone who can be loud without opening their mouth, call soundless attention.

On an otherwise quiet spring day, Ina slips through a fence into a rowdy backyard. Through eavesdropping, she pieces together the celebration is for the first game of some sports season. And through observation, she realizes she isn’t the only person who draws attention.

“I thought you said this was going to be fun.” 

Two tall redheads angle together in a corner. The shorter of the two, a willowy girl with delicate features and hair is an unnatural crimson, shoves a shot glass into the whining one’s big hand.

“It’ll be fun if you split this fucking tab with me.” She hisses, shiny hazel-brown eyes darting around in paranoid circles. Ina thinks that’s silly — the bathroom has two lines going at all times, and only one of them is for waiting to use it. “I’m not doing this country club shit sober.”

“You are the country club shit.”

Her companion is the boy-pretty sort that usually Ina doesn’t find particularly attractive. But as he tips his shot glass back, his eyes find hers. He grins, throat bobbing as a line of alcohol spills down it. Ina makes an exception. 

“Lacrosse is stupid.” Her declaration is matter-of-face as she sidles close to the pair. The girl is wary at first, but her friend is more giving. He points at her with eyebrows raised in excitement, solidarity. “Probably one of the stupider sports.” 

“Right? Jesus, it’s just another way for rich people to get their fuckin’ kids into schools they couldn’t get in otherwise.” Several pairs of eyes turn the trios’ direction. His big, friendly energy goes out like a candle flame, shoulders pulling in. “Shit.”

“Loud,” the girl accuses. “Ugh. Have fun getting kicked out. I’m gonna go find Lark.” She points at Ina. “Do not kill him or rob him or leave him naked in a park somewhere, okay? Okay. Thanks.” 

With a demure salute, she’s gone. And on cue a pair of cargo-short wearing boys in pastel polo shirts part the crowd, headed towards Ina and the remaining redhead. She turns to him fully, shrugging her fur coat up her bare shoulders.

“I will not rob you or leave you in a park.” She angles her head towards the door, eyes narrowed at the approaching honor guard. “Want to buy me food?”

He grins. “What about the first one?” 

“First one?”

“I’m not trying to get killed right now.” His smile grows wider. “Lots on my plate.” 

Ina’s mouth twitches. “Tell me about it. If it’s annoying enough —”

He holds up his fingers, criss-crossed for luck. Ina decides she likes him then and there.

*

She likes drugs, too, but she doesn’t join in on the festivities when he offers. Instead, she orders for them at the walk-up diner and they set off with their greasy haul, on what will surely be the first of many drunk walks home together that spring. 

“This is kinda,” Xavier (“Wolffe! Like, bark, growl.”) says, kicking his feet to the words as he chews at the burger. “Try-hard nineties romantic comedy of you. Really quirky.” 

Ina stares up at him, outlined by the centered midnight moon. His hair looks pretty that way. Enough that she doesn’t snap at him when he nudges the end of her braid where it’s hung over the swing’s seat. She wants to. The tip of his boot, some beat-up brown work shoe, scuffs at the woodchips.

“Yeah, exactly. And you’re blushing, because you liked that I brought you here.” Ina points out, watching it go darker. “If you had talked to me about anime, I would have told you I cosplay. Classical music: walk in the park. Lacrosse, field with sprinklers.” She waves her hand around, pushing herself back and forth with bent knees. Xavier blinks at her. 

“Am I that obvious?” 

Ina pinches her fingers together, smiling. 

They’ve ended up here at a cracked-pavement playground. It’s old, or abandoned, or there Arne’t any children in the neighborhood: wildflower weeds slowly beginning to trellis the pole of the swingset. She’s not sure how the city hasn’t yet scrapped this block for another bougie, trophy wife-owned organic coffee shop, but she’s glad it’s still here. It’s peaceful, especially this late in the night. A wonderful liminal space for her to bring boys who look like they enjoy double cheeseburgers and don’t know when to stop giving head.

Ina won’t let him do that — not tonight, anyway. Not right now, especially how he is. Because they’d met, and she’s wearing a fur coat but he has nothing warming him from the slight chill other than ecstasy-wide pupils and whatever clear liquid had been in that shot. 

Ina lays parallel to the ground, the back of her head resting on the swing’s seat. The pins in her elaborate, glitter-sprayed hair dig into her scalp, but the bite is ignorable. She reaches into her pocket for her vape. Studies it a moment, then studies Xavier, then tosses it to the ground. 

“Oops.” She says. “Pick that up for me, will you?”

Xavier doesn’t even pause in his story about some rude client (he’s a mechanic, or HVAC guy, she can’t remember). He nods, wipes the back of his mouth free of mustard and ketchup, and then reaches for the bit of plastic. He even brushes the mouthpiece with a napkin before handing it back.

Ina’s responding smile is something much sharper than gratitude.

*

The universe works funny. Ina has come to respect that, about it. Used to be that she fought when things just happened. It felt personal, like everything had been stacked up to make her miserable. Took awhile for her to realize the reality was that shit happened, for the most part. Was happening all around her, to other people, all of the time. And on the occasion that something felt deliberate, rather than felt happened, it was for a reason. 

Xavier, as it turns out, is a mechanic. And more than that, he works at the dumpy place across from her job. That feels deliberate. That doesn’t feel happened. So she sticks him in her back pocket because it kind of seems as thought the universe wants her to place him there.

She doesn’t find out that they’re work neighbors until a week after that night on the swingset, when she had bought him a sober-up burger and helped him home. It hadn’t been a great part of the city for him to wander alone, be visibly high. Just like it’s not great that she works night shifts and has to walk to her car alone. 

Ina has never had a problem though. Mostly because at night when she closes up, Ina walks to her car with her teeth bared like an animal. I’ve been waiting for a moment like this, that not-grin says to any men who try and approach a sleight thing who works alone at a sex shop. I’ve been waiting for a moment like this my whole life. I have so much within me, and I have been waiting to let it spill out. Let’s find out what it is together.

But the universe puts Xavier in her path, so she starts using him and his bared teeth instead. Their schedules overlap just the slightest bit, right at dusk. Sometimes, Ina leaves home early enough that she can bother him before her shift, at the end of his. And Xavier will come back, long after his over, and walk her back. Or give her a ride in his loud, shitty truck.

She likes to perch somewhere in the noisy shop, listen to music, ask him endless questions about this and that just for the fun of it. She’s doing that one particular afternoon, contemplating how he’s been dropped into her lap deliberately. Ina decides to be deliberate back.

“Xavier.” She waits for him to grunt, the clang of metal on metal to quiet enough for her to speak and him to hear properly. When she has his full attention, she asks: “Do you have sex?” 

Ina rocks the red plastic creeper with her boot, bringing him back and forth on the concrete. He gapes up at her for a long moment, his pretty face going pink.

“Uh. Yeah,” he says. “I mean. Yeah, if someone wants to.”

“And if you do. And I want to…” She crouches down next to the creeper, chin in her hands as she studies him. A piece of her feather boa tickles his nose. “What are you, about six-one?” 

“Um. Three,” he says. When he makes to push all the way out from under the car, Ina stops him with a hand to the top of his head. She slips her fingers in his messy red hair and grips it. Not hard, but definitely not ignorable. Definitely not a mistake. Deliberate.

Xavier does not ignore it.

His mouth drops open, lips cutely parted, his big green eyes even wider as they scan her face. Except there’s nothing under the surface. Ina’s not someone who gets cracked open and read. Not an open book, not like Xavier, but similarly authentic. Ina’s the book cover. The entire text of her is there for anyone to read. It’s just printed in really small text, font inconsistent, single-spaced, crammed in thousands of lines. 

“Hm. Interesting.” She pulls his head to the side, noting the bob of his throat. “I’m going to drink the rest of your Red Bull, tuta. Then we’re going back to mine. I’ll skip work.” 

“Okay,” Xavier breathes, and watches as she stands to cross over to his bench, take the can, and polish it off as promised.

*

Later, Xavier sits at the end of her bed. He’s flush down to his chest and lower, visible because he’s naked. Ina had made him undress —  commanded it, really. He is, as she’s discovered, quick and enthusiastic about those. 

“Huh.” Ina says, hands on her hips. “Proportionate.”

Xavier huffs, not looking at her face. She’s not looking at his either, so that’s fine. He’s slouched a little, shoulders curled while his hands tucked between his knees. Shy. He looks lovely, all that pale skin tossed against the electric-green fabric of her sheets.

“We’re probably going to do this pretty often,” Ina says, appreciating the aesthetic as she pushes his shoulders, gets his back flat to the mattress. “As long as you want to.” 

Xavier nods sluggishly, his eagerly shining eyes going a bit dazed as she crawls up his long legs, settles into his lap. 

“You should say it.” 

“It.” He teases. There’s a long, dragging breath that expands his chest, and when she narrows humored eye he laughs. Laughs and laughs — right up until the point she sinks down on him. Then, it’s a high whimper caught in his throat. “Oh, fuck.”

“Sure. That’ll do,” Ina teases back, and starts moving.

*

They go to parties together, often. Social settings too. Occasionally someone will ask, or even assume, if they’re dating. 

“Are we?” Xavier asks her one evening. His face is guarded, cheeks colored pink by a few drinks. She’s perched in his lap on a knee, arm slung around his shoulders. It’s cowboy night at a local dive bar — Ina’s gotten them several free rounds with her denim vest and sparkly silver halter bra. 

“Dating?” Ina watches the retreating gentleman’s back, the rigid line of anger and rejection. “I didn’t tell him no because we’re dating. I told him no because he was ugly.” 

Xavier snorts, shaking her with the movement. “Damn.”

She shrugs and assesses the slight dip to his mouth. Xavier is readable, not like her book cover. He lays out belly-up and exposes the pages. 

“I think you’re one of the best people I know. And I like having sex with you.”

His flush deepens but the expression doesn’t fade. “Me too.”

“But I don’t want to date.”

Xavier’s mouth twists, his focus darting off to the side. He looks like he’s trying not to get emotional about something. Ina isn’t good about in the moment sadness, so she tries to prevent it as best she knows how. With cold palms she cups his cheeks, turns him to face her more directly. It’s an intimate gesture, an intense eye contact that she doesn’t even use when they’re in bed. But in this moment, she finds it incredibly important to say the right thing. To bring that grin back. 

“If I wanted to date, I would date you.” Ina assures him. “But I don’t want to date, so we’re not. And even though we’re not, that doesn’t mean you lose the qualities that are date-able. Does that help?” 

Xavier blinks at her then takes a long swig from his beer. “Yeah. Kinda?”

When he goes for another pull, Ina wrinkles her nose and catches it by the neck. She glances at the label, picks at it wither thumbnail, and lets the silence linger. Long enough that Xavier starts to fidget — she knows that means he wants in on her thoughts. 

“This is disgusting. If you do the math, it’s barely thirty cents per ounce.” She finally says, holding up the bottle. She shakes it and then dumps it upside-down. The splatter of beer on the floor, into a slowly growing puddle, draws attention. Ina watches the amber liquid pour out, then leans back and tosses the bottle into the trashcan behind the bar. Its bartender glares at her. Ina decides to tip him extra and sleight-of-hand the tip jar into her purse on their way out.

“It gets the job done.”

Ina scowls and takes his face again. “Exactly. It might get the job done, but enough of anything shitty enough will. Why not do it with something better.” She pokes him repeatedly in the chest, gesturing around them. “You deserve, like, sixty dollars per ounce. Minimum! Don’t settle for just the job getting done.” 

He stares at her for a long, long moment. The hands on her hips brush up and down thoughtfully, and then his brow furrows. “Are we still talking about alcohol?”

*

“Do these all follow the same plot? We’ve watched two now with no substance.” Ina huffs. “Well, I guess the fight scenes are more the point. They’re well done. Do you know who —”

Xavier whines. “Can we —maybe, uh, revisit —”

She pauses, eyes flitting from the television to his, over her shoulder. “Oh, sorry. Yes!” And with that, she settles back into the seat of his thighs. With hands braced on them, either side of hers, she arches backward and rocks harder. Rhythmic, slow tugging movements that she knows are good for both of them. Ina presses them closer, tight together, her slick back to his slicker chest. 

“Braid my hair after this?” She gasps, putting the crown of its tangled mess to his shoulder. She hates how it sticks to her skin, pulls and gets caught between their bodies. Her pace grows faster, circles of her hips and then readjusting to bounce fluidly.  “It keeps getting in the way and I —”

“Ina,” Xavier groans. 

“Sorry.” She laughs again. The breathy, stuttering vibrations pulling another wild noise out of him. She slips an arm back, slithers it around his neck. Uses it as leverage to move. 

“It’s good, by the way. Go harder.”

“Jesus.”

*

“Jesus.” He glances down, licking his lips before looking at her. “Is it weird if I want to —” Xavier clears his throat, eyes slipping off to the side. Nervous. Quieter, he whispers: “If I want to suck it?”

Ina puts her thumb over his furrowed brow, frowning herself. Her immediate answer, weird is relative, gets nothing more than a huff and an eye roll. 

“C’mon.” He wants something that she isn’t entirely certain she can give, so she doesn’t make the attempt. Instead, Ina goes for best-she-knows-how again.

 “It’s true,” she insists. “This isn’t even weird, anyway.” Ina shakes her hips. “It’s like, one of the few reasons these things are useful.” 

Xavier stares flatly at her, but it looks like he’s fighting a smile at the silly movements of the dildo. 

“I meant cock,” Ina clarifies as he tucks long fingers between her thighs and the harness, pulling her closer. “Not—” she taps his lips. “Mouths. Although I guess, if you think about it —”

“Ina.”

Beckoned, she refocuses from a spot on the wall and blinks down at him. A moment passes, then a little smile touches her face. She leans and cups his cheeks. “Tuta. No, okay? It is not weird. And you should only fuck people who want to do the weird-not-weird stuff with you.” 

Xavier blinks back at her, but the depth and sheen to his stare has returned in place of shyness. Instead of that tiny, tiny wrinkle of shame wavering the whole of him. He smiles as well, clearly settled back into himself. “I’m gonna do it now.”

“Okay.” She pets a hand over his hair, gives it a little tug how he likes. “Do you want me to move or stay still?”

Mouth open, tongue out, and halfway leaned forward, Xavier pauses. He internalizes and works it over in his head. Ina gives him a gentler coaxing pet for that as he stares up at her. The deliberation lasts maybe a few seconds, but Ina goes far-off thinking about something else in the meantime. She jumps a little when he laughs: “You can move.”

After they’re done, which is mostly one-sided fun on Xavier’s part for the sake of having it, Ina puts a show on.

“I saw this one with Benji last week.” He says, hair messing in a staticky tumble as he pulls his head through his shirt. It clings to the sweat drying in the valley of his spine, dotted on either side with red teeth marks. Ina had gone a bit rough, but it’d been on request. Xavier was working on requesting. Being deliberate. 

“It’s fucking hilarious.”

“Benji?” 

“Yeah.” Xavier breathes, then glances over at her with wide eyes like he hadn’t meant to say it that way. “Uh. N-no, not him — I mean, not…no, the show. The ending of this is hilarious.”

Ina reaches for the remote and turns it off, tucking her knees and facing him on the couch. She takes his face in her hands, squishing his cheeks slightly. “Tell me. Right now. All of that.” 

Xavier goes pink.

*

The following weekend, Ina watches from the kitchen as he’s cornered in the living room by a man with long brown hair. The house party isn’t so crowded that he couldn’t find another target. Xavier was a deliberate choice, and Ina understands why. Not too long ago she had been in that position.

But this guy — well, Xavier would be going for thirty cents, not sixty dollars.

She waves her hands in the air to catch his attention above the man’s shoulder. Once green eyes land on her, she shakes her head violently. The bangles on her wrist rattle as she holds both hands up above the crowd. 

Six, she flashes with her fingers, then brings them together to make a giant ‘O’ above her head. 

Xavier blinks at her, gaze red and lidded and bleary from the smoke lingering. Then he looks back at the man chattering in his face. Ina watches as that massive, beaming grin stretches his face as he excuses himself from the spider’s web.

Good boy, Xavier, she thinks proudly. Sixty minimum.

[poolpartymusic]

wait i wanna say more!

Okay, I went to the toilet and decided there is more to say:

WHAT DO I WANNA DO WITH MY LIFE?

Maybe caps is a little dramatic, because I am relatively chill about it. My most concerns are with my student debt, but even that is something I'm sure will work out eventually.

"Artificial Intelligence has genuinely interested me, but building smart vacuum cleaners does not sound right to me. Meanwhile, whenever I read someone is interested in film making, I get jealous for their bravery.  But then, the proud that is burning inside of me tells me to go to WO University, to study something useful and secure. I always said I’d rather study something fun than something that would get paid well. I’m aware of what I want to do, but I am insecure. There is no experience in the film industry for me, except for all the years of writing. And then what? Script writing, is that what would make me happy? No, I’d want full control. I’d want to study Film Directing, but we all know I won’t get hired for that. That last statement is something I believe. Even if it is a logical statement, as the only people getting in are about 24 years old and have made shorts, I still miss the key characteristic for making it in the film world. Confidence. I tell myself I’d be willing to work hard, yet mean while I’ve been disappointing myself by surfing through fucking Habbo Hotel in my free time. I’m stuck."

I remember feeling at home at the thought of studying AI at Tilburg University. It was something I did find interesting, but I never realized I didn't even see a future in that work field for myself. At the same time I felt super cheekily excited about filmmaking: It scared me. It saddens me to read that I didn't believe I could ever really become a film director. I went into the film studies so insecure...

And then after two years I switched to Illustration. I do think it was a very good call. If I would've gone through wat film, I wouldn't have learned as much as I have now. Still, I don't want to become an illustrator.

These past months up to maybe two years, I've been telling people I aspire to make short animation films and documentaries, while also making little poetry books with illustrations. And while that is definitely true, I of course am also following an ICT minor right now.

And I realize that pedagogy or psychology is also something I'm interested in. I don't feel like I must make a choice between everything, but I do wanna broaden my horizon and put myself to work.

Therefor, I have two options. Firstly, I can learn more about coding and coding in art. I could make a project where I try to make a game. Secondly, I can spend time learning about child development, psychology and pedagogy. This because I'm considering doing 1.5-2 years of pedagogy work after my studies, just to earn money and try something new.

I think for now, and really I'm just brainstorming along while I'm writing this, I'll just need to make a decision. None is wrong, I can always change.

I do miss writing. I do wanna draw more- And if I decide to do pedagogy after my studies, I'll have to attend classes either way. So maybe let's focus on game making.

Okay. Now, I'll stop ranting here and I'll make a Notion page on which I outline how I want this project to take form.

I'll maybe keep you up to date, though this blog was mainly to talk about more personal struggles. We'll see.

[lol-jackles]

Walker: Common Ground

“Family is where you draw the line” 

The Davidson crossed that line not once, but twice and with it is declaration of war by the Walkers.  

Lawman Ranger Cordell has been bending over backwards all-season being the peacemaker between two families, but what he would not do is break apart at the expense of his family.  Nonetheless Cordell is still a fair man that looks to the future instead of being held hostage to the past and wants to offer a deal with the Davidson that will allow them to stay on 20 acres of their land if Cordell wins the dispute-settling horse race.

The first line in the sand that DA Denise crossed was taking teenage August without his legal guardian to Ranger HQ for “questioning” over the incriminating evidence in a barn fire that killed her father.  Cordell understandably went ballistic over not only Denise’s ballsy move but learning that most of his own family kept secrets, the presence of the lantern among them, from him.  Exchanging the lantern for August, Cordell tells Denise that his deal is off and its war now.  Up until the last few episodes the older generations worked hard to avoid involving their children in the feud, but each Davidson crossed that line with Denise being the last one to do so.

(now I understand why Emily named the taxidermy boar after Denise)

The highlight of the episode is the father and son scene between Bonham and Cordell, coming together in understanding Bonham’s need to protect his family that inadvertently shut them out, and his inability to forgive himself for feeling relief over Marv’s death because he thought it would end the centuries-old land dispute for all.  Cordell may not have forgiven his father just yet, but he understands Bonham completely.  He says his offer of a deal with the Davidson is off the table, he just wants the same thing Bonham does: to get the Davidsons away from them.

On the day of The Race, everybody is present except for Denise, whom Gail lied to about the time of the race because she either didn’t want her to potentially stop it or learn that Dan is the rider for them.  The race starts and Dan gets beamed by a branch halfway through the race and falls off.  To the frustrating screams of TV viewers who has seen the suspicious looking cut in Cordell’s saddle strap, Cordell stops to help Dan recover and restart the race together.  The race scenes includes close ups and ariel views and is beautifully done, accompanied by hard rock blue music that amps up the tension as Cordell appears to be winning the race.  But not before he sees police cruisers arriving at his home with with Denise to arrest Bonham for the murder of her father.  Marv’s blood was found on the lantern, making it a murder weapon.  Even Gail, who has been somewhat obsessed over getting her hands on the lantern, seemed surprised and confused over Bonham’s arrest.  She earlier had worried that Denise could permanently lose her D.A job if she abuse her power to investigate Marv’s death.

Seeing this go down, Cordell tries to reach them but his saddle strap breaks and causing him and the horse to fall as Dan [passes him to cross the finishing line and wins the race.  The Walker clan can only stand in shock as the Davidsons celebrate their victory, and Cordell examine the saddle strap and sees his father being driven away in the squad car, unable to have been there for him.

This episode should have been called Sucker Punched instead.

My score: 10 out of 10.  Normally I deduct a point if there’s no case but who actually killed Marv Davidson is the ultimate case.  Also, who cut the saddle strap to rig the race against the Walkers?  Even though I think most of us knew that Cordell was set up to lose, I was still on the edge of my seat during the race, hoping the sabotaged saddle strap was a red herring and Cordell will win as counter balance to the unexpected arrest of Bonham.  Of course that would not be the case but because this isn’t Games of Thrones, the Walkers will eventually prevail.