#i want to fuck him so hard that kabru has to get him back to his senses god bless

[tazzymcclazzy]

meth runt

[suempu]

Falls to floor your writing is so lovely Do you perhaps have any kabru x reader sfw/nsfw hcs…

thank you so much for the kind words. “lovely” 🥹 ahh you got me blushing anon lmfao

gn reader + on the receiving end !!!

<3

kabru would be the casual type of lover. he’s nothing but calm and suave with you, which is attractive.

he’s quite attentive of people and you’re no exception. although he really goes out of his way to be accommodating when it comes to you if you’re his lover.

mindful of your expressions and body language. once he sees a sign of you being uncomfortable, kabru will pull you away from the group and talk to you softly.

i feel like he’d be good at taking care of his partner, though he’s not the best, he tries.

kabru’s good at talking you down, grounding you into reality whenever you’re on the verge of a breakdown. let’s say you feel very unstable, he’ll whisper in the most softest tone you’ll ever hear while he holds your hand. he asks permission to touch you beforehand of course.

“here, you can feel my fingers, right?”

“mm.”

“my palm, feel it. you’re here with me,”

“i’m here…”

“good job. can i ask what happened?”

he’s good at radiating a calm atmosphere when you need it and he’s always ready to help you.

praises and compliments come out of his mouth like a piece of cake, he’s not shy when it comes to showering you with love. the whole party is grossed out by him whenever you’re around. it’s like when the parents are being all lovey-dovey and the children just groan out an ‘eww’ (its mainly mickbell complaining tho lmao)

i believe he’s had one or two intimate relationships before you, but none of them has ever lasted long enough as yours. so he’s had some experience before you.

he’s certainly a tease. have you seen that face? that face screams unfairness and mischief (in bed)

kabru loves your whining whenever he purposely denies you release. one moment his fingers will go fast and wild on your most sensitive spots, and the next he goes painstakingly slow.

“aww, but if i let you cum this early, then what about me?”

he’s a cheeky bastard. the real reason why he draws out your orgasms is because he believes that edging you will result to a much pleasurable and hard orgasm for later (he’s right.)

you will get overstimulated with this man, no question about it. he strives to make you cum at least 5-6 times in one session, which is overkill but he really loves the way your eyes glaze over.

kabru loves your tears and whining, though it kind of makes him guilty so he makes sure to absolutely spoil you after.

his hips are bad for your body. with the way he thrusts into you so precisely. its like he already knows which spot to hit, he rolls into you as he teases and whispers in your ear. he’s actually fucking crazy.

“right here? oh yeah, here?”

he moans in time with his thrusts. he loves watching your face, how your half lidded eyes look so lost yet so present. missionary is definitely his favorite position. loves being all up on your face, he kisses your cheeks, forehead, lips, and jaw while he’s inside you.

nights with him are long and wild, but he can go slow and be more gentler if you asked him to. he lives for your reactions, he thinks its really sweet how you trust him so much with your body.

kabru makes up for all his teasing with aftercare. he pants as he pulls you close, hands on your back and caressing you gently.

“you okay? did i break you?”

“shut up.” you breath out hoarsely.

he chuckles, “i love you too.”

he gives you a massage after that, quietly kissing your hips and stomach as his fingers rub at your skin. whispers small apologies while his hands work on your body. he always checks in on you whenever he hears a whine or groan when he touches a sore spot.

while he is content with just sleeping and cuddling in your own sweat, he’ll take you to the bathroom if you want to be cleaned.

solid lover, tries his best, just don’t ever have sex in his own bedroom (its messy)

[papyrjam]

the crossover no one asked for but (i) desperately needed: dungeon meshi/survivor

tribe breakdowns and first tribal results because you KNNOOOW falin's gonna be one of those "everyone else here deserves it more!!!" first outs. she probably beefs a section of the first physical challenge and assumes a majority of the blame despite everyone else saying otherwise

edge of extinction for an excuse to 1. make falin hang out with anyone else who gets eliminated and 2. the juicy drama of who comes back from the edge of extinction post-merge looking absolutely FUCKED UPPPP and *hungry*......to WIN

marcille also wears her buff as a little bow scrunchie around her partial ponytale ala my favorite winner, bob <3

kabru is doing amazing pre-merge forging alliances and the second the merge hits and he has to meet laius it's so joever. kabru is crazy and wants him OUT but he can't propose it without sounding like he's playing too hard. he is constantly looking for immunity idols.

chilchuck follows show rules to a T: you can rifle through anyone and everyone's shit as long as you don't steal anything! he is also constantly looking for an immunity idol. he lies about his job, his family, EVERYTHING is kept up tight during down time. BUSINESS.

so my opinion is: unless you got senshi out pre-merge, he is winning. he is just going to win just like bob. he's affable, he's capable, he's smart -- give! the dilf! the million dollars!

and finally: no matter what happens. the second that there is a food auction, a food reward, a food anything - marcille activates every cell in her body bc she wants to win so badly. there ain't many cells to activate after withering away but she wants it!!

[softestkabru]

I think Fleki and Mithrun could be close friends into Mithrun's retirement

Theres an extra where Fleki talks abt staying with Mithrun on Melini like Helki stays with Milsiril but she gets talked out of it bc he's like "it will not be exciting I'm not planning on having adventures. Im going to make noodles and be retired. Plus you'll be stuck hanging around a bunch on non-elves" and Fleki's like 🤢 nvm ur right

But like, thats so fucking cute. She'd like his live-in, burnout, non-niece on Melini for the next 200 years or whatever

Thinking abt a "10 years later" kind of deal where Mithrun's canary squad comes to visit him and they tease him kindly about how much he's changed (he smiles a lot, he's a bit chubby, he's really domestic w/ kabru, he has an eye prosthetic that actually fits,he's very kind to them) and Fleki almost starts crying because she's so emotional about seeing Mithrun happy and recovering and she's like "i'm sorry we tease you so much, I'm sorry we were so mean to youuuu we should have been nicer 😭 you kept us safe and we didn't even care" and Mithrun is like "I know, Fleki, it's ok. You all kept me safe too and I'm grateful for that" and he invites them for a nice dinner at his and Kabru's home and they talk about how the queen doesn't really know what to do with the former canary prisoners so she's been trying to pair them off with their wardens to just have normal lives which has been going...... not completely great

So their Melini visit goes by and at the end of it, Mithrun asks Fleki if she'd like to stay with them and he tells her it's ok if she doesnt want to because it will be boring and he'll expect her to behave herself and she'd be seperating from Lycion (her bestie/ emotional support whore) and she cries and is grateful and has to think about it but she comes to say yes because being an socially outcast elf is a hard and long life and her future back there is so uncertain and Mithrun and Kabru have enough faith in her to offer her a place in their home and lives and she never thought anyone would ever give her that much credit again.

So, it's not always easy (i can imagine her getting on Kabru's nerves a bit) but she keeps Mithrun company when Kabru is away on business and that's very important to Kabru. Senshi comes around from time to time and teaches her how to cook so she makes meals for their house. She of course still has her crow familiar and is good with other larger birds of prey (she could get into falconing as a hobby) and Lycion comes to visit every once in awhile and theyre still close.

This got a lil long but i was floating around in my pool for an hour thinking abt this and for rlly emotional abt it :')

[lorddeathofmurdermountain]

So I just finished Dungeon Meshi. The manga.

I am yet again blown away by the amazing story. I am also blown away by the fanfiction fandom and it's incessant need to ship anyone and everyone. I get it. You think some of the interaction are romantic. They aren't. That's not what any of this is meant to be. But I get it. Romance ships have their own place in the ecosystem and any healthy community has a dedicated group that really likes to ship anyone and everyone.

It becomes less healthy when I go to AO3 and you can go through pages and pages only finding like two or three fics that aren't ENTIRELY "Two random characters have the sex" with occasional romantic undertones. Of those three that aren't just that, two are instead "cleverly crafted AU but the focus is still on the secks". People I get it, it's nice, it's got, and by god everyone is horny for the Faligon x Marcille ship. I get it, I do.

But the story has so many interesting aspects to it! I'd go as far as to say it's a modern day Lord of the Rings! I really fucking would, and I love LotR like no other story on this fucking planet! I'm barely holding back from gushing about it right fucking now. I'm taking deep breaths.

Look, my point is, it's an amazing story about friendship and genuine camaraderie, the sort of thing that sends the message of "people can forget extremely strong bonds without having the hots for one another." The story, beyond it's generally tasteful comedy and the repetitive but reliable skits, is chock-full of meaningful messages, pondering and it has some of the most beautiful and tasteful conclusions to story arcs I've seen in a while! I'd go so far as to say it's fairly innovative as well, not unheard of but you don't see something this good all that often. You really don't. I usually obsess over just sticking FromSoft protagonists into everything to have them fuck around and mess with everything but for once I'm genuinely unappreciative of the idea. The conclusion to the story is perfect if very traditional in a certain sense and all in all it's got very few real flaws. In the end, a very simple, kind and good lad alongside his party of misfits saves the day and everyone gets to live happily ever after.

So why the shit is almost everyone only ever thinking about hot ladies or hot men fucking each other? No, actually, forget the distinction, it's irrelevant! Why is sex with a side of corny romance the only thing everyone is doing?! Fuck, make literally anything else! I get having a niche but for Christ's sake expand your horizons or something! FF doesn't even have the damn tag for the setting yet, AO3 is just porn and SpaceBattles only has Vs discussions and one single story ideas thread that I myself also sperged out in while I was only halfway done.

Christ, there are so many ideas in my head it's actually hard to focus! What about a serious setting examining the end of the story and how it could have gone on? Remake it into a tragedy, or just a feels-good epilogue that's only slightly longer than the story. How about tossing someone you KNOW would mess up the story into the story, but have it be so messed up it loops back around to the same end? Why not just do something really stupid and see where it leads? What if Laios and Kabru switched places? What if Laios and Falin were in Utaya when they were young (they're still the same people inherently just with a more tragic backstory) while Kabru is just some country schmuck that no longer has a tragic story to spur him on to the Dungeon? Does Kabru actually become even more of a textbook hero type? Would the Touden siblings let their past bog them down and make them gloomy or would it only make them more aware of the world around them and thus more willing to look at the other? The story establishes that they're inherently selfish people - they are of course also selfless, but the initial drive for the story is a selfish one for pretty much everyone. Laios just wants to look at and eat cool monsters. Falin wants to tag along and experience new things. Marcille wants to research ancient, forbidden magic. Chilchuck... Uh... Wants to make money and not be constantly scammed at best and backstabbed at worst, I think. Senshi just kind of wants to vibe. Izutsumi wants to stop being a beast-person and is by far portrayed as the most openly selfish in everything she does and decides.

The whole story is really about people being selfish and realizing that's no good, realizing that the people around them are PEOPLE and they should maybe consider each other more. That's how Laios learns to take responsibility, for instance. Oh sure some characters end up not ACTUALLY bring selfish at all, some of them right from the start even, but narratively until told otherwise we start off thinking everyone in the main group are first and foremost in it for themselves. The unifying moment and first instance of selflessness comes when they decide to immediately go rescue Falin - well, Shuro and Namari didn't but we don't know that right away.

Look what I'm saying is there's so many fucking themes in this story and what everyone is focusing on is sex. My argument isn't "sex bad", in fact. It's that the porn with plot - or even the tasteful romance stories - would be even better if you had some other nice fics alongside them. After all, if you eat the same thing the whole time it's bound to become boring eventually, but have a good spread and every part of the meal will be all the better in combination with other parts. If I just ate soup I'd be kind of disappointed, but make some simple rice and cook some simple meat for AFTER the soup and now both the soup and rice and meat feel so much better based on the other things I ate alongside them. Fics are the same. Please. I beg you. Give yourselves some diversity.

[prismatoxic]

Thoughts upon finishing dungeon meshi? I didn't expect to fall in love with this series and about to reread it all over again cause I know there's tons of details I missed on the first time around

many thoughts... head full...

i was spoiled for a lot of the stuff in the end because that's what happens when you jump headlong into a fandom without finishing the media, but there were some things that took me by surprise, which i was grateful for. i was shielding my partner from spoilers the whole time as well, because they actively upset him and i didn't want any of the stuff i knew to ruin the reveal for him. outside of one thing (laios becoming king), he actually avoided it all!

but, like, on the whole? fuck, man. there aren't many medias i hold in such high regard.

i loved every single character in the entire story. yes, even the ones who sucked; they sucked in compelling and well-written ways. i fell hard for kabru and mithrun, and love them so much, which surprised me. like, i could write essays about kabru, i fucking love the guy. don't let the chilaios posting fool you. but i also fucking adore namari and shuro, who seemed so insignificant in the very beginning. i loved every break we got to see them, or the canaries, or kabru's party.

and our main cast... izutsumi exceeded expectations in every possible way and i can't get enough of her. senshi's backstory was heartbreaking and added a depth to him i hadn't anticipated at all. falin, despite being fridged for the majority of the story, was such an important part of it all that she permeates every inch of the tale, and her survival by the end is an emotionally momentous occasion--and she's so incredible in the moments we get to spend with her!! marcille is so richly complex and amazing to watch, whether she's struggling or dominating the scene, and her love for those close to her is beautiful; we all know she loves falin, but the depths of her affection for the others, especially laios, was amazing.

and, like, you know how i feel about chilchuck and laios. but i will say laios's arc by the end of the manga blew me the fuck away. the things he had to sacrifice to save those he loved... the way he was revealed to hate humanity, yet we know he's always kind? that the people he loves most are humans? the way he did, in the end, accept his role as king, to guide and protect people?

laios doesn't get fixed by the narrative. much like falin, he merely changes, and whether it's for the better or not isn't always clear. but his friends love him, and he's respected, even though the oddities that have been pointed out about him the entire time have gone nowhere. and i think that's fucking incredible.

ryoko kui is a master at showing and not telling. from the small actions characters perform that are never brought up in the text to the things you can trace back through the story as having always been implied, the story remains deep and compelling all the way through, building an entire world and the lives of its characters up as it goes. there was not an inch of this work that wasn't given thought and care.

i loved dungeon meshi from start to finish. nothing i've been into in the past long, long while has been so consistently well done. i'm excited to see what trigger does with it, and what else ryoko kui might do post-canon, and perhaps most of all, where the fandom takes it. it's been such a blast to engage with and i'm so glad i gave it a chance.

[luesmainblog]

!! Notice! This is not an Argument, it is an Excited Infodump, pwease do not read this as aggressive i promise i am just invested in the discussion !! tbh i struggled with this for a while too and ultimately my answer is that he gets a fucking Break.

Kabru is the sort of person who is ALWAYS putting on a mask, even around the people he trusts the most; he can't let himself be vulnerable for anything. letting the tavern owner see the state of his room is probably the closest he get. but then here's mithrun; someone who has no strings to pull. somewhere where masking is actively a waste of time; he's already made his decision on him, there is very little kabru can do or say to alter his perspective now. as a recovered people pleaser myself, i can tell you what a relief it can be to find someone who just genuinely does not give a shit. it feels like a giant weight is taken off your shoulders that you didn't even know you were carrying. and as much as i love labru, that's something that he absolutely will not get with laios, or basically anyone else.

another aspect of the not giving a shit that brings relief: his eyes. as we know, kabru grew up with a lot of struggles with his self-image due to the superstitions in his village making people label him a monster and want to kill him. when he talks to laios about this, the response is... well-intentioned, but nowhere near anything he would ever want to hear. laios' interest in monsters stopped him from recognizing what a pain point this was for kabru, and he ended up saying something that could really only be taken as an insult by someone who is still, to this day dealing with the monster trauma. but mithrun ain't like that. at no point do we ever get an indication that he thinks anything of kabru's eyes other than vaguely noticing what color they are, as seen on the shapeshifter recreation. which, again, is unique; even among people who see them positively, it's not hard to assume that having blue eyes while dark and indian is Really Fucking Noticable and going to have an impression on the people he talks to. he doesn't get the benefit of a person not really thinking anything of it, because even if the person gives no indication of judgement, he's going to be aware of it. i have my own body insecurities and trust me, even once you've become accepting and neutral or even positive of the thing you used to hate about yourself, you never forget that it effects how people view you; it never slips your mind, and you wonder about it. especially if you're the type to overthink about how people see you and what you can do to gain their favor, as kabru is CONSTANTLY doing. except, kabru is all too aware that the only reasonable assumption with mithrun is that he doesn't think anything of it. it's the one time where he can honestly tell himself that it doesn't matter; that he doesn't have to think about it. and, at the same time, he's someone he could talk to about it if the worries ever stirred back up. he can be honest about how his hatred of monsters effects the way he views the whole issue, without having to worry about a silver lining or an infodump. and mithrun already understands the importance eye color can have on a life; he's an elf from a noble family, they get weird about that shit and he grew up with the family features. and we KNOW he's aware of his eye color changing, given his glass eye matches his real one Now rather than how it looked before. even if his overall awareness of it is dulled by the lack of desires, they both have eye trauma they can discuss, and they're kinda the only people eachother knows who'll Get It on some level. so again, mithrun ends up providing a safe space for kabru to be able to present himself in full honesty. and before i am misunderstood here - OBVIOUSLY kabru finds 4d chess fun as hell and would probably be happy to do it all day. i, personally, find character analysis and psychological study very fascinating, especially trying to understand how assholes think! but babes... you CANNOT do that ALL the time without /any/ break to just put it down for a while. one of my favorite thoughts with labru is trying to deal with the inevitable breakdown that comes from suddenly having that special interest as your job that determines the fate of an entire nation in real-time and then spending all your free time around someone who you can't help but mask like hell around. i want the man with no strong social skills to try and figure out how to help his poor burnt out boy, the image is VERY tasty to me. and that's kinda my point; that breakdown is a lot less imminent if he has a place to chill out, take the masks off, and turn that curious gaze inward or even just stop thinking for a while. that's what i like about kabumisu on kabru's end.

i ship both options, both in their own little aus and in poly situations, and i can honestly say that both men have a lot to offer kabru! often in opposite directions. on the kabru enjoyer side of things, i think which ship you prefer largely comes down to what kind of dynamic you prefer and what you think he needs. does he need a space where a lifetime of playing mental 4d chess is rewarded and he gets to quietly shape the world while the beloved idiot with big tits yucks up the public image, or does he need a quiet place to decompress and stop playing the mask game for a while? a seat where he can indulge his special interest to his heart's content, or a zone that's finally Safe - not the fake fluffy sweet-filled kind that milsiril tried to provide, but GENUINELY safe to sit back and examine Himself for once?

i sadly lost the source(anyone who knows it pls lmk so i can credit!!), but there's a poly shipper on twitter who imagined kabru keeping track of the two's different reactions to the same sort of situation, and i think it does a good job of displaying how there's pros and cons to both options.

and, of course, that leads me into my last point: both options let him indulge his love of learning other people's minds inside and out with unique challenge. Laios because he's so genuinely different from how kabru understands the world that he originally couldn't even believe someone would be that kind-hearted and bad with money, and Mithrun because the question of how a person without desires thinks and makes decisions is inherently fascinating.

given i ship both, i am by no means here to argue that Grrr Bark Bark My Ship Is Better. I just like explaining why i think characters work together! and i can absolutely agree that a lot of kabumisu fans focus waaayyyy too much on the mithrun side, so i wanted to pour my thoughts out on the other glass.

kb/ms is truly transcendental yaoi, spectacular, amazing, 10/10, no notes ... from the perspective of a mithrun enjoyer

as a kabru enjoyer, however...

I'll start off by saying that of course Kabru doesn't want or need a romantic relationship to be fulfilled, especially not with a white man, none of them do, it's all non-canon, Dungeon Meshi isn't about romance or shipping, yes yes yes, but none of us are here for that right now!! We're here to fruitlessly argue why my blorbos kissing makes more sense than your blorbos kissing!! You know it, I know it, none of us are free of cringe!! Clown on clown violence!!

That being said ... 🤡

I just don't see what Kabru gets out of kb/ms. With Mithrun, it makes sense; Kabru has a huge impact on him and ultimately helps him reaffirm his will to live. That's very exquisite drama and excellent character writing. But with Kabru, I just don't feel that Mithrun's character interacts with his personal flaws and would instigate his growth anywhere close to the same degree. I have to imagine most fics involving them focus more on Mithrun's baggage and how Kabru helps him heal from that ... because that's mostly all that happens between them in the main story, lol!

And like, that makes sense, because ultimately chapters 61-62 aren't about Kabru and Mithrun; they're about Kabru working through his conflicted feelings in helping Laios conquer the dungeon. I think it's ironic seeing people complain about kb/ms having Kabru be Mithrun's accessory when, if anything, Mithrun's main narrative purpose, outside of illustrating the danger of the Winged Lion, is to serve as Kabru's obstacle. I'd even argue Mithrun represents Kabru's personal bad ending; Mithrun wants him to kill Laios and surrender the dungeon to the canaries, preventing the short-lived races from ever understanding how dungeons function and returning to the status quo that had gotten Utaya destroyed. It's only when Laios practically forces Kabru, straight up puts his thumbs to the screws, to work past his reticence and be emotionally vulnerable that Kabru finally puts himself on the right path to achieve his goals (it's, uh, still a bit of a bumpy ride, but they get there in the end, lol!). If he'd been this way with Laios from the beginning, he might have understood Laios' intentions from the start and saved himself a lot of pain, but it's only because of Laios' influence that Kabru is able to grow as a character and get his happy ending.

(And even if one were a Mithrun enjoyer, ultimately the main source of Mithrun's life affirmation comes from the canaries. In that final scene, Kabru gets the ball rolling because he's outside of the canary hierarchy, but the scene ends with Mithrun being embraced by the canaries and as far as I'm aware the two don't interact with or reference each other post canon at all. Hell, it's Senshi who really drives the point home. Not that it matters when we're all wearing shipping goggles here, but it felt remiss not to mention it.)

At most, I can see how taking care of Mithrun would force Kabru to reexamine how poorly he takes care of his own body and that could make for some good drama. But even then, that change is ultimately instigated by Laios' influence on him, an extension of how Kabru wants to understand how Laios can see the value in monsters in an attempt to better understand his own trauma. If a person were to get into Dungeon Meshi specifically for Kabru and wanted to ship him with someone in a way that's most interesting for him, I'd be hard-pressed to argue there's a better choice than Laios (although who'd be cringe enough to do something like that haha right guys ... [sweating])

(Side note, though, I really don't vibe with the argument that kb/ms "reduces Kabru to a caretaker role" and that's why it's bad. There's plenty of instances where Kabru shoulders his friends' burdens (helps Kuro learn common tongue, listens to Daya's fiance about his relationship troubles, etc) and, more importantly, is seemingly happy to do so. I think Kabru genuinely enjoys looking after his friends and in the story seems to find plenty of personal satisfaction getting Mithrun to eat. I understand it has the potential to be more troubling considering Kabru is a brown man and Mithrun is a white man, but idk, it just feels on the same level as people trying to discount labru by saying Laios wouldn't take enough of an interest in people to want to start a romantic relationship, when his whole thing is that he does want to connect with people and just feels like he can't. It's not a bone I feel like picking, haha)

I honesty don't mind characters being "mischaracterized" in fandom or fic even to a large degree, I know it bugs a lot of people but I respect that ultimately fandom is little more than picking up the vague outline of a doll and playing with it and mashing their faces together. Besides, if I'm really worked up about it I can just write a fic and set the record straight myself, haha. This post is merely inspired by the supremely annoying subsection of twitter that acts like labru is the ship where it's just two dudes sitting in a room together. I'm just saying, Kabru ends the series whispering into the ear of another man as his day job and it's not Mithrun lmao

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 9: “I'll Be a Fucking Pawn For Y'all If It Saves My Ass" - Carson

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHEN WILL THINGS ACTUALLY GO MY WAY?  NEVER. :/  

This sucks so much, y'all are awesome for getting Kait to her SECOND win.

That could've been cleaner. Yikes.

This vote obviously put me in something of a weird position. I was never going to vote Kait because of our alliance. And yes, I firmly believe she'd side with me over the alleged Malay-cult. She and I have been closer than a lot of allies I've had in these games so far. We're in lockstep, we're keeping each other sane, and we're not even talking exclusively strategy. The best alliances are formed by people who like each other's outlooks and attitudes, right? That's me and Kait right now.

I was also never going to vote Jack or Lydia because of our awesome Thotse quad with Wes. And I was not likely to vote Steffen unless there was a critical mass going his way. That left us with Ruthie (immune,) Carson and Jakey (on Kabru with me.) So, shit.

Anyway, I told MJ I might try to protect Jake if I could because they both want to work together. But the momentum started swinging his way, and it became even more locked in when he started targeting Kait. His best play would've been to target Steffen or Carson, and even then I'm not sure he could've rallied the votes. 

Not wanting to be totally screwed on Kabru after a blindside, I didn't really engage with Jake too much. He came to me asking me to vote with him, almost as a last resort I feel? We hadn't talked since the swap, and he only came to me at 6:30, even though I know for a fact he was talking with others throughout the day. He told me he had Ruthie, Jack and Steffen locked in. I knew the latter two just weren't true. So rather than give him false hope, I checked with the latter two that their votes hadn't changed, then told Jake the votes weren't as locked in as he thought. 

And he, somewhat predictably, lost his shit. He didn't want to accept that, telling me that if I voted for him, he'd stay... that my vote was the difference maker... that I was too far up Kait's ass to see it... that I needed to grow a fucking backbone... that I'm pathetic.... that I'm terrible at the game...

Yeah, I've played enough games by now to know nothing good comes from engaging in someone who's resorting to personal shots. So I disengaged. And I think Jake may have forgotten there's a second game going on, in his blind rage? As a multiple-time pre-juror, I know for a fact that it's so not worth getting upset over. Shit happens, the game doesn't break your way. But attacking people over it accomplishes exactly nothing. From what I hear, it sounds like I got off easy too. Apparently he ripped hard into Carson, Kait, Lydia and Jack too.

I don't like when people are sore losers. I don't like when people go for personal shots in a game that's meant to be fun. But I especially don't like when people do both of the above to my friends. Fuck that noise. Any chance of me wanting to work with Jake on Kabru went out the window with that, and I'm sure he feels likewise based on that vote. If it makes sense, I might vote with him as a matter of necessity, but he's not long for this game if I have my say. Bye Felicia.

Normally I would've been more upset about the vote being delayed a few hours, but between the extenuating circumstances out of the hosts' control and the fact that Jake still would've been in the One World chat anyway, nothing noticeably changed. So, fuck it, what's two hours of waiting?

Anyway I like slither.io. It's not my best game, but I enjoy it. Can't wait to put up a high score and show Jake that he's not God's gift to competitions. "Oh mind you I’m the best competitor on this tribe. Not tooting my own horn, just looking back at past performances."??? Like, fuck you? One unnecessarily long endurance run in an early comp doesn't mean we should all just bow down to your *~clear challenge superiority~*. Different people are skilled at different things. 

I'm so glad nobody responded to his diatribe in the OW chat. The last thing he needed was to be enabled. His perspective is just that – HIS perspective. It's clear he doesn't really have a grasp of how this game is playing out, or else he might not have been the one to go last night.

Gage is super duper cute! But he never responds to my messages, so I am super duper not happy about that! Like, Gage, please. C'mon, Gage. Get it together. C'mon. I sent him what I did in the adventure, and you know the response I got? It was a riveting, rambling silence. Like...? What!? Didn't Gage WIN once or something?? How did he manage that??? Did he sleepwalk there, or were the other people in the final tribal council just that bad? I am completely befuddled.

Oh MJ really just threw me under the bus eh? I can't believe I got the full Olympics experience in one night. Choke.

Oh not me getting one of the highest scores on both my tribes for a flash game!? What a foreign concept. 

safe in both games, so i have time to work on RELATIONSHIPS and read my book on how to win survivor so i can win this!!!!

please help

mj and pat treating me like pawns for the adventure! love it.

ill be a fucking pawn for yall if it saves my ass but an idol or something WOULD be nice.

In other news, Jimmy is the bee's knees. Yes, he is! He is so very cool! Yes, he's hip!

me and kait on call

i think theres an imbalance of trust between mj and i.

i trust him wholeheartedly as hes my only close ally, but he sees me as expendable from what i get from our conversations. he barely responds and i obviously seem to be of lesser priority? but idk maybe im just paranoid, but im holding on for dear life

me pressuring mj into sending his screenshots of his latest chats and seeing almost all of them are about the game! how iconic.

LISTEN I REALLY WANNA KILL THE OA TONIGHT. LIKE I WANT OWEN TO LEAVE. i'm just in this STUPID FUCKENING SPOT in the middle of jenn and jimmy and LOGI-WAN????????? IS LEAKING SHIT TO JENN THAT I WANT JENN OUT ??? OR SOME SHIT LIKE WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT SDGJSDKLSD;  GOD. 

i have more to say but i will wait for after class but i'm still like i legit don't know what i wanna do

i'm gonna need a pair of cargo shorts for all the people logi-wan thinks i have in my pockets!!!

Sorry that I've been kinda AWOL but it's because I've been feeling pretty shitty about my position in the game as a whole. I'm very lucky to have Matt in the game who is always willing to have strategic conversations that I know will provide me with a secure outlet that's not going to make my position even worse. I told him I planned on making a fake idol but idk if I'll go ahead with exposing that I have an "idol" to my tribe due to current changes in circumstances that I'll talk about later. Jakey's exposing of the tight Malaysian core alliance has made them change their tune which I'm really happy about because I'm sure I'm the target tonight (thanks Owen, you suck), but thankfully Jimmy exists and wants to work with me to pull off some move because the Malaysian's are going whack and he is thankful I saved him all that time ago back in Easter Island? I- I didn't do that much except kill my own game but thank you for willing to switch shit up! 

It looks like their might be a chance I will stay tonight, however there are several different stories being played out on this tribe. Logan told me flat out it's me. However Jimmy told me Logan approached him and Jenn to vote out Gage? I don't get why when clearly Gage showed him loyalty? I'm not complaining cuz it means the vote would not be on me. But I think it's gonna be on me since Jenn reassured that it probably was. So it would come down to MJ voting with Jenn/Jimmy over Owen/Logan. Alternatively I could be a total bitch and expose a plan if I'm totally unsure what to do, or 10 minutes before tribal I could post my fake messages and idol that I found to hopefully send them into a panic and switch their votes off me and onto someone not me. It's a tough position to be in cuz I don't want to reveal I've an idol and for it to backfire somehow, but also how it may look untrustworthy to my alliance if I "had" an idol and didnt "play" it. So hmm. I'm concerned because Gage seems to be going after Logan now but is trying to get Owen? I fear this is where it could blow up. 4 of these people are going to both tribals so it's a very tricky situation. If the plan falls apart, the votes might just all fall back onto me because I'm the "easy vote". I have to see what happens and make a calculated decision before tribal that will work in my favour.  

It could be game over, or game on. 

So like, I want Gage to go home. He is going to both tribals like Jenn, Jimmy, and Owen. Lydia and Owen are in the minority in Game B, so I'm thinking they're going to be easy boots because Gage is close to Kait. Well, I don't want that to happen, obviously. They're both my allies. But I'm also on good terms with Jenn and Jimmy, so I don't want them to go. Kait isn't an option because Kait isn't going to both tribals, and no one wants an angry, scorned Kait in the game. That's like leaving a provoked bear in the game. No thanks! Plus I'm good with her, too. That leaves Gage, and he made it super easy for me to want him gone by not speaking to me at all, lol. I sent you the receipts of my adventure, the least you can do is respond! Rude!!! Anyways, yeah, Gage should go. Also, he is trying to target me, I guess? Which is also not cool. Good Guy Gage is going down.

please god

WHOA I WON THAT IMMUNITY HUH!!!!!! im honestly not that worried if we lose just bc ik i have mj ruthie and matt on my side no matter what and that would at least tie it. but basically i tried to go on call with owen and kait to smooth over some relationships... i rly intended to work with owen if he would let me but he went and told kait the one piece of information i told him which was that i heard that lydia and kait made a deal to stay.. owen u rly know how to piss me OFF huh

i had a pretty good call with kait and i hope it was enough that if mj did keep me if we lose on tribe b, she wouldn't flip her shit and come after mj. mj is literally the saving grace of my game and ill do anything for him in this game. if that means i gotta be fake with kait and pretend like i wanna smooth things over and work together then ill do that. anyway ruthie is a legend and will win this season bookmark THAT

I've been laying SUPER low.  Like, I apologized to Kait and told her I was close to voting her out because she scares me as a player or whatever, but that I really wanted to work with her because we didn't get a chance to work together in Trashy, and then I also threw in how my good friend Ashley Sarah liked playing with her so much when Kait was catfishing in Canaries and hopefully we bonded a bit.  SHE FREAKING TERRIFIES ME but if working with her keeps me around longer, I'm all for it.  I'm not going to try to make anymore big moves for awhile because as much as I want to, I don't want to piss off the rest of the people in the tribes.  

My goal now is to stay close with Steffen, Steve and keep talking to Pat because he's just so nice.  He's genuinely the nicest person playing in my opinion.  I'm also going to stay close to Jakey, he's my number one, and I'm going to stay close to Carson as well, and just try to stay on his good side and stuff.  I don't want to take Carson to the end, there is no way.  As much as I love Steffen I'd rather not take him to the end either.  Jakey I could see, going all the way with but we both have to stay in order for anything like that to actually happen.  

I don't know if I made the right choice in putting my foot down about voting Jimmy over Gage. Every option seems bad in my opinion, but I think I've made it pretty clear I want Gage around, just to turn my back and vote him next time... I don't know. This will probably bite me in the ass somehow, like maybe Gage is lying to me and Lydia will end up going, or idk god knows what will happen....

Nobody has really talked to me since I went to dinner at 6:30... So part of me just feels like I'm getting clocked on both tribes. Either way, I guess I'll see what happens. 

I don't want this to be the end, really, and I don't know if it's smart to try and take control in a game where everything spreads like fire and is painfully obvious. I just gotta keep crossing my fingers, huH!

Time off???? from this game????? A concept! I don't know what to do with my hands.

gage is leaving????? maybe.... even tho i'd prefer owen leaving but... everything is so risky and shaky at this point im so KJDFHJKDHS NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN 

This may be my last confessional! I decided against playing the fake idol card because I didn't want it to blow up the plan currently in place. If it goes how I hope I should survive but I've still got low expectations. Secondly, I'm a bad explainer of things and I didn't want to get caught out and laughed at because I made a silly idol. It's a card I'll keep in my pocket if I survive. If not, I'll be thankful to those who tried to keep me in the game and I'll wish my allies luck in surviving. But fingers crossed and all the other stereotypical survival things to say. Lets goooooooo

I guess Gage is coming for me, so I had to switch my vote against him. If he knew how much I'd been doing to protect his ass, maybe he'd think differently.

It's a shame when people's stupid decisions prevent others from doing the right thing. Oh well! STUPID.

I had three calls the hour before tribal with Jenn, Lydia, and Owen and they were all concerned with getting Gage out, and then he gets voted out unanimously in both games. I'm glad all that time I spent trying to get him out wasn't wasted. Bye-bye, Gage! Don't target me next time, okay?

Whew I am so happy I survived but extremely sad that it came at Gage's expense. I really would've loved to work with him because he's honest, caring, charming etc. He's just a all round good guy and buddy. I'm also interested that suddenly I'm making a whole pack of new friends? Kait (although drunk) is talking to me for the first time since day 1 and secondly Owen has found his voice to chat to me! So I'm very interested to see what position this could put me in. I'm also shook that Matt thought my idol was real? I told him it was fake before I made it gdfihgkol. Maybe I should pull it out if it's convincing enough! Also I'm surprised Lydia came to me and goes "you're welcome". Um. I'm not sure you swung the vote on my tribe to Gage considering there was talk of it being him at lunchtime today? Like. I'm crediting Jenn and Jimmy for that one so sorry this isn't Port Royal and I'm a different player. Just cuz I'm in a shitty position doesn't mean I'm not beginning around for whatever scraps I can find. I HOPE this tribal is  turning point for me, but you hosts are sending us all to tribal again so I'll probably get taken out as the easy vote, but I trust Jenn/Jimmy to at least tie it for us.