#i want to draw him so badly but i dont have enough free time im dumb

[pyoudent]

still working on him

[lincolndjarin]

i didnt realize we hit 1500 until just now :,)

thank you all so much, ily ily ily, i love sharing my writing with you all and im so excited for whats to come. i dont have anything special planned as a milestone celebration so instead of that i will post a section of the din series ive been planning lol

me when its time to write another enemies to lovers slow burn forced proximity din djarin fic with religious undertones ^

just uhh for context btw im not gonna post many spoilers or other teasers for this but its important to the sneak peek that yall know that reader is a cyborg in this. a good chunk of the right side of her body has been replaced with robotics so yeah and din is a real dick about it lmao. enjoy !

⚙��

“I don’t travel with droids.” His voice reminds you of Boba’s when he wears that ridiculous helmet of his. Cold and hollow, more metal than man.

Boba sounds almost defensive of you when he speaks again. You can picture him leaning forward in his chair, the way he does when someone snaps at him. “She’s not a droid.”

“How much of it is even human?” You can’t help but flinch at that, no ones ever spoken about you in such a manner before. No one with a brain would disrespect someone like “Lord Fett” like that.

“She’s not an it.” Fennec speaks for the first time since all of this started, her voice is a hiss you’ve never been on the receiving end of before but you’ve heard her snarl at others before, slavers and other scum who come seeking a boon. You always wondered why such monsters would dare show their faces here, of course Boba dealt in criminal activity but never with people that foul. They often came seeking a Lord Fortuna, and were instead met with the barrel of Fennec’s rifle.

You can’t help but wonder if this “friend of Boba’s” is going to meet the same end. Both of them said they knew him well when he arrived but now they speak to him like the stranger that you know him as. A rude stranger.

The silence that follows is long, you can’t help but wonder if Fennec really did draw her weapon, before you can bring yourself to sneak a look around the corner you hear the all too familiar throat clearing noise that Boba makes before coming to a verdict.

“Look, either she watches the kid here, or she watches the kid with you. Either way she’s going to be involved, you just need to decide if you want to be there to keep an eye on her.” He always says everything with an air of finality, no wonder no one ever debates his decisions. The stranger barely has a chance to sigh before Boba continues. “No one trustworthy on Tatooine is going to take a babysitting gig for what you’re willing to pay.”

“I can’t afford anything more.” He’s furious. Even through the voice modulator you can hear that he’s trying not to lose his cool, but there’s an edge of desperation hiding under his anger.

“She’ll work for free. I’ll even cover her expenses.” You know Boba would do anything for you but this just seems like a bit much. He’s negotiating as if this man didn’t come to him asking for help.

“You want to get rid of her that badly?” Ouch. Rude and presumptuous.

“The last thing I want to do is lose her. That’s why I’m sending her with you.” You don’t doubt that. He’s proven to you enough how much you mean to him, even when he had no reason to.

“Sounds like you’ve made the decision for me.” Sounds like he made the decision for you as well. Has he even considered that you don’t want to go with him? Your desire to see the galaxy is fizzling out the more you think about having to travel with someone who doesn’t even see you as a person.

Another beat of that silence, dripping with tension before Boba takes control of the conversation once more. “She can’t stay here forever. I promised her she’d get to see someplace other than this dusty floating rock. They need me here. They need Fennec here. There aren’t many I would trust to do this but I know she’ll be safest with you. So take her or don’t, but you aren’t going to find anyone else to watch the kid for what you’re offering.”

“Find someone else.”

“There isn’t anyone else.” His patience is wearing thin. You know him well enough to know that he’s likely to snap soon. “You’re not the only one who’s trying to keep their family safe.” The authority in his tone reminds you of the exact reason no one ever argues with Boba.

Not even rude strangers who come bearing absurd demands and who claim to be friends.

“Fine.”

[zante-selachi]

unveiling my Shadow Company OC

pushes him to the front this is how he looks for now, dont remember if i made any additional changes after drawing this hshsh (Leopard was his old callsign) also im not the best w/ writing on tumblr cus i dont really post here so...

anyway if anyone wanna use him for any SC prompts/drabbles/writings, feel free to do so or ask me/dm me about him :3

will insert some sketches of him i did which also have his old design at the bottom

CW: mention of torture, unhealthy coping mechanisms

Callsign: Belantik / Orion (based on the constellation) he doesnt mind whichever bc both mean the same thing, just in Malay and English

He/him, pansexual, 5'10 and Malaysian. He has tanned skin with hazel eyes (i suck at colouring so if he looks off, im sorry 💀)

He likes to paint his nails black or any other dark colours and wear rings when not on mission

He has a scar on his neck from when he was tortured really badly bc his captors wanted to silence his screams

Sucks to be them, he can still talk but not for too long/too much bc it hurts so most of the time he doesnt talk unless he needs to and this made him looks like that one scary higher-up that will stare you down--and he will--but the point is that he. Will. Get. His. Point. Across. No. Matter. What.

Orion who was only working with SC temporarily for quick cash but they somehow wormed their way into his heart and he eventually signed his life away to the devil (Graves, that smug man) and found himself being in a whole ass PMC after years of working alone/being vigilant

He took some time to adjust being in a team again and trusting them with his back because ✨trauma✨ but once he got the hang of it, he is fiercely protective of the men and will stop at nothing for them

Orion who wakes up every morning very dazed and just smiles at whatever the men are doing, no matter how chaotic they are while he sips at his tea (he rarely drinks coffee bc it makes him sleepier) has a sketch of this below‼️

Orion (a Captain) who would make sure his men come back from their mission alive. Banged up to the hell and back but alive and able to get back on their feet while he hovers over them whenever possible to make sure they rest properly

Las Almas absolutely devastated him and he isolated himself for some time bc it reminded him of bad times, felt like he didnt do good enough for his men and Graves

Orion who grumbles with a scowl on his face at how stupid the men are while he just stands and watches them, not even trying to stop their antics (because he likes seeing how happy they are, missions are hard enough and hes not stopping them from having fun)

Anytime he grumbles or shit talks someone, he would revert back to his native language which is Malay. Examples of what he would say below :>

"Ni lah dia budak2 zaman sekarang..." (Kids nowadays I swear...) [exasperated & fond]

"Orang dah kata jangan buat, dia buat jugak. Kan dah kena." (I said to not do it and they still did it. Serve you right.) [amused]

"Susah lah aku kerja ngan orang2 bodoh cam si botak ni, beruban aku sial." (It's so damn hard working with dumbasses like this bald fucker, im gonna grow white hair atp) [angry]

"Pale hotak kau." (Are you fucking dumb.) [deadpan]

"Commander tersayang aku ni... bongok gak." (My beloved Commander... just as idiotic) [fond]

"Aku benci mat saleh, babi pahal sedap sangat suara ngan accent??" (I hate white ppl [slang, but in this he actually just meant non-Malaysians] why the hell are their voices and accents so damn nice??) [frustrated & flustered]

Silly facts when i was first making him

- I wasnt sure if i wanted him in tf141, kortac, or sc but chose sc bc ehem graves... hello...

- i forgot about giving him his number in sc oops but maybe 2-15?

Sketches!

1&2 are based on a tt video (old design)

3 is self-explanatory (old design)

4 is eepy and smiley Orion (current design)

5 is his first ever design‼️‼️

Thats all for now, thank u goodnight runs away

[biaswreckingfics]

take you down - juyeon by anonymous

🔞

Juyeon and you constantly bicker. One day at the dance company, your leader decided to set up a paired dance exercise Changmin and Sunwoo somehow covinced them to put you and Juyeon together. You do a random draw to pick the song since you guys can't stop arguing over it, and that's how you end up with 'take you down'

•●•●•●•●•

• "Why don't we draw again?"

• "What, you dont think you can handle it?" is all it took for you to change your mind. 

• You both freestyle moves, throwing out ideas, but you can't get on the same page

• You drag a chair to the centre of the room and nod towards Juyeon, who's leaning against the mirror, before suggesting a chair dance

• "Oh sweetheart, if you wanted to give me a lapdance that badly, you shouldve said so; there was no need for this ruse"

• You're frustrated "it's not my fault you dance like-" you pause and then, "oh my god, that makes so much sense now" you begin rambling to yourself

• "What?"

• You stare directly at him suddenly, "Have you never...?"

• He's staring at you completely confused, "sorry, what?" 

• "Sex!"

• There's a slight smirk tugging at his lips when he realises what you're asking. "Is that an invitation?"

• You roll your eyes before taking a few steps towards him "it's just... this song is quite clearly about sex but you..." You stop in front of him and lean towards his ear "you dance like you've never fucked."

• "Sweetheart, I've done more than just simply fuck."

• "Oh really? The evidence seems to point to the contrary,"

• "I can always prove it to you, you see..." he grabs your arm and turns you so that your front is pinned to the mirror, holding your hands together above your head in his massive one "I always find that this is quite a fun position. Always has them begging for more... though I've never had a mirror before" he says in your ear, whilst his free hand guides your face to your reflection in the mirror.

• Your breath catches in your throat and you love and hate the way that, even now, bulbs were lighting up in your head and so instead you find your way out of his grip.

• "What if we do that" he raises his brow at you, "let's put sex in the choreo." You say as though it were obvious "don't tell me you thought I meant-" he rolls his eyes before cutting you off, ushering you back to work.

• Soon enough you have a choreography that would have you hot and bothered if you weren't so insistent on keeping juyeon 20 feet away from you.

• "You know, if you want this to work and look somewhat clean, you're gonna have to stop acting like im diseased"

• Instead of the biting remark he expects, you let out a sigh, "Sorry. It's my fault."

• He shakes his head before saying "let's try again"

• You begin your fourth run through, things going smoothly. You make it 20 seconds before you have to come face-to-face with Juyeon and you can't do it.

• "Alright. That's it," he turns the music off, "what is your deal?"

• "Excuse me?"

• "You won't let me close to you for more than 5 seconds, and you're stiffer than a bone when I am, why? Is it because you've never or..." 

• You know it's a trap but you can't help but take the bait. "Or?" 

• "Or is it that you want me?"

• "Get over yourself Lee Juyeon" you roll your eyes.

• "So you've just never been fucked, got it"

• You don't know what takes over you, you grip his shirt and pull him down to your level, leaning up slightly to say "oh darling, I'm usually the one in control."

• You walk past him to the phone and get the song ready. "Now... let's go again from the top" he'd riled you up and this time you're determined to get through it because this time you have something to prove. And that is exactly what you do. Except, you can't help but go above and beyond.

• Your spin yourself into his arms with a sexy laziness in each of your steps and place both hands on either side of his face. What he doesn't expect is to have your lips a mere inch away from his. You make no obvious reaction and spin out continuing on with the routine, dancing side by side smoothly. But the second it reaches the chorus, Juyeon is in for hell.

• "Let me take you down" sounds through the speakers as Juyeon's body barely drops over yours. You both flip and you can't stop yourself from grinding your hips down a lot lower than you'd both planned. Juyeon's hands come up your waist and momentarily grip - this wasn't planned. But you're not going to let that stop you.

• You grab his hands and pin them above his head as you roll your body as close to his as possible. You're so low that Juyeon feels your breath on his lips for a brief second and he worries that you might be able to feel him straining against his pants.

• He suddenly misses when you refused to let him near you for too long because here you were now, torturing him.

• You roll out to the side to the next move and Juyeon finds his way to his feet, slightly dazed, before mirroring your moves. If you want to play, we can play.

• As you both thrust up into the air, Juyeon stops you from crawling too far from him, and instead thrusts his hips so close, you swear, you can feel more than his joggers against you and you want more.

• You turn to face him and he grabs you by the legs, pulling you close to him only to flip you over. You have to play off your shock at the sudden roughness. But you can't deny the way that it made your body burn more. 

• You manage to pull yourself up, you're not about to lose to Lee Juyeon. At least not yet. He takes a step towards you and you both sway your hips against each other in time with the beat before you turn and he dips you, your leg unconsciously wrapping around him as he says in your ear, slightly breathless, "I think it's time we quit playing."

• "Maybe... mmh..." you feel a soft bite to your ear.

• "Tell me what you want."

• You stretch your neck, in an attempt to end the attack to your ear.

• "Maybe-" your attempt to be snarky fails because you're suddenly very aware of Juyeon's breath on your jawline, his lips not far from your neck. The thought of his mouth working its way down your exposed jawline, your neck, down your body, roughly marking you up, was enough to make you break.

• "You," you breathe. With that, you press your lips to his, needing to feel him.

• He kisses you back with a burning fervor that has you melting.

• You don't even notice that he has one hand on your thigh, keeping your leg wrapped around him, or that his other is slowly making it's way lower down your back, until his grip on you tightens so that he can stand you both upright.

• You're too lost in his kiss, the way his tongue glides along your lips, requesting entrance which you gladly grant. The way his tongue teases and dances along yours, driving you to insanity so that you try to take charge. And his soft moans as he responds to your sudden thirst for him. The way he regains the lead, reducing you to sweet sweet moans with only his mouth. His low groans in response to your sounds. You can't help but succumb to Juyeon.

• There's a gentle squeeze, followed by a pat, to your thigh, and Juyeon mumbles a barely coherent "jump" and soon your legs are wrapped around him with the mirror as your only other support.

• The second there's a break in the kiss, Juyeon makes work on your jawline and neck. He starts off gently, his bites barely there, his kisses a mere graze. You think you have a chance to catch your breath. But your moment of reprive is short-lived. "Juyohhh... mmm" fills the air as he nips and sucks, scattering his marks all over your neck.

• One of his hands traces lines up your sides before settling on your nipples. You let one hand drop from his hair to grip his bicep, and as his fingers lightly trace around your nipple once... twice... four times, your nails dig in, needing something to anchor to. He won't stop his torture there though. A gentle pinch to your nipple followed by a flick. And repeat. "Juyo-" Your grip in his hair tightens until you're tugging his lips back to yours, "want to feel you on me" you manage to let out.

• "Of course, baby, you've been so good" his voice is lower than you'd ever heard, but there's a slight wickedness to it. You don't have time to question anything though because soon clothes are coming off and you're in awe.

• A proud smirk tugs at Juyeon's lips as you take him in.

• He grips your chin and pulls you in for a deep kiss.

• You can't help but lose yourself in him and soon enough, hands are everywhere, his lips on a mission to capture every single one of your beautiful, filthy sounds, his body desperate to unravel you, just to wind you back up and do it again, until his body was all you knew.

•●•●•●•●•

I've finally delivered it! Hope you enjoy 😊

This is my first attempt at anything of this genre so I know it's not great but I wasn't expecting a masterpiece from the moment I suggested it so 😅

Inspired by the J.San choreography of Take You Down

Feel free to share or keep to yourself!

Thanks for encouraging me to write it! It was a bit hard but it was also fun 💜

---------------------------------------

You did the damn thing, anonie!! 👏👏👏

I positively LOVED the banter they had going on!! The way the reader isn't afraid to call him out on his shit, and he's overconfident and smug (for good reason lol). This entire scene is so sexy 🥴🥴

I think this was great for a first attempt at this genre!! Writing things like this can be so freaking hard and frustrating, and I think you should be proud of yourself!! ❤️❤️

[turtle-steverogers]

i was thinking but do you know the unsent project? it is this website where you can write a message to your first love that you never sent to them. now imagine steve writing one (or multiple) to bucky after he came out of the ice after nat told him about it... yeah

hello hi anon this broke me and it was too perfect not to turn into a ficlet klafjldskjfalskf thank you

-

Unsent Letters

To:

Steve’s fingers freeze over the keyboard, the cursor blinking at him. It feels like it’s taunting him-- teasing him with the burden of choking out a name. What should he even say? The sender is anonymous, but how many people are named Bucky out there? Would anyone even care?

To: Bu

Steve huffs and backspaces, his hands trembling as he curls them into fists. He isn’t sure what provoked Natasha to tell him about this website. It’s a cruel tease to everything he wishes he could say-- wished he could say before Bucky slipped through his fingers. And now his only option is yelling into an abyss. The text box is black and daunting. He turns it yellow. No, too happy. Green. Yes, that’s fine. Bucky’s favorite color was always green.

His gaze wanders away from the screen of his hefty Dell laptop and out the window of his apartment. DC’s low rising buildings span out in front of him. His gut aches; he misses New York already. But he knows being there would only mangle his soul further, seeing his already alien home torn to shreds by literal space whales. He huffs, thinking of Bucky’s comics. His stories came to life after all. Bucky would have probably vibrated out of his skin if he knew there was other life out there.

To: My astronaut

How’s space treating you? It’s treating me pretty badly, if I’m being honest. If only you could see what it’s done to Brooklyn. I think you’d be pretty mad at it if you knew…

Steve hesitates, reading back over what he’s typed. It’s stupid as hell, and he cringes, but he doesn’t backspace. His fingers find the keys again.

I miss you something awful. I don’t think that even encompasses how much I’m hurting without you. I feel so lost right now-- space is much bigger and scarier than you’d think. I know you’d love it. I wish you could see bits of it, but god, I just want to go home. I want you to come home.

Steve freezes again and finds the screen blurry where tears have welled in his eyes. His jaw clenches as he pictures the way Bucky would laugh at him-- teasing him for his dramatics and ruffling his hair. He wishes he could be there now, rolling his eyes and nudging Steve’s shoulder.

“What’re you upsetting yourself for?” He’d say, gently closing the laptop and coaxing Steve into his arms. “I’m right here, pal.”

And if Steve closes his eyes, he can almost feel Bucky’s warmth enveloping him. But he’s not there. He’s dead, and Steve’s a goddamn ghost, drifting through a future that doesn’t know him.

He opens his eyes and stares at the text box, then clicks submit.

The screen loads, and his message is gone, his pain forever documented in the abyss.

-

For someone who fought aliens two weeks after waking up from his impromptu seventy year sleep, Steve’s life is pretty monotonous. He contemplates this unfortunate fact as he stands in front of his toaster, hair sticking up on the back of his head as he nurses a mug of coffee and waits for his toast to pop.

It’s 5:45 in the morning and he tries to remember a time when he didn’t rise this early. Before the war, perhaps. Though, he’s always been a bit of an early bird. His home life was sporadic to put it lightly and he’d learned from an early age that the sooner he was awake, the better it was for everyone. Vigilance is not a new concept for Steve.

He hasn’t always stayed up late, though. That’s certainly new, and he feels this fact viscerally as he catches sight of his reflection in the microwave. There are bags under his eyes that will be gone by mid-morning thanks to the serum. Dermatologists hate him, Natasha says. Steve thinks he’s pretty lucky that the serum more or less equipped him with a built-in anti-aging agent. His father had started balding by thirty.

His toast pops and he starts a little, blinking blearily at the slightly burnt bread as he pulls it out of the toaster with his thumb and forefinger. He spreads on the same raspberry jam and butter that he uses every morning and tries not to think of how bland it tastes in his mouth as he eats it standing at the counter. Another routine.

He tries not to look at last night’s dishes in the sink as he stacks his plate and silverware on top and doesn’t bother sorting out his hair before pulling on his sneakers and slipping out of his apartment. The sun hasn’t quite risen yet, only the beginning tendrils of light sneaking over the low tops of the DC buildings, and Steve vaguely regrets not grabbing a sweatshirt before he left. It’s not quite Summer yet and the mornings could still get pretty cool.

He’s about to take off down the street when he freezes. Natasha is sitting on the steps of his complex, wearing a pair of pink tinted sunglasses and tossing up and down the keys to her car. Steve blinks, rubs his eyes, then blinks again. Nope. She’s still there.

“Nat?”

Natasha looks up at him and smiles. “Hello.”

Steve shifts, uncomfortable. “Hi. You need something? Is there a mission?”

“No,” Natasha says lightly, standing. “You’re not running this morning, though. Come on, I’m taking you to Starbucks.”

“What?”

“Starbucks. You’re going to try it.”

“I don’t want--”

“Steve, you do the same thing every day. Step out of your comfort zone a little.”

Steve frowns, but Natasha’s right-- he really doesn’t ever stray from his routine.

“Fine,” he says, and twenty minutes later, they’re strolling into the nearest Starbucks.

He’s only been in one before, and that was to use the restroom while on a run. He’d bought a water bottle in an attempt to not be rude and use their facilities without giving them any business, but he hadn’t even considered the expansive menu. All the fancy names were too daunting.

They’re just as daunting now as he stares up at the board, heart hammering out of his chest as he’s faced with indecision. Natasha takes one look at his face, and reaches out to squeeze his arm.

“I’ll order something for you,” she says. “What kind of coffee do you like?”

Steve gives her a pained look. “Um… just coffee?”

Natasha quirks a smile and orders him something called a caramel macchiato. He’ll take it, he guesses.

The drink is too damn sweet and sugary and he almost gags. Still, he was always told to finish what he was given, so he drinks the whole thing.

-

To: Mr. Sweet Tooth

You’d fucking love it here. Everything is packed with sugar and sweetness-- enough to make even my teeth rot. I had something called a caramel macchiato today and it tasted like someone took your ma’s caramels and condensed them into a cup. I couldn’t stand it, but I know if you were here, you’d want at least twelve. I hope you’re enjoying all the sweets you can up in space.

Love, Mr. Boring

-

Steve’s fingers are stiff and frozen as he works at the straps of his stealth suit. The tangy taste of saltwater still sits heavy on his tongue, and he clenches his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering too harshly as he finally peels off his suit. It’s not much better, being naked, but at least the wet fabric isn’t clinging to him anymore.

The mission had been pretty straightforward until some alien tech managed to blast the quinjet to kingdom come, and they all free-fell straight into the freezing Atlantic.

Steve had managed to keep it together as they took down the goddamn mad scientist that fucked them over, but now that he’s home and alone, he can feel the adrenaline crashing.

He’s shaking from more than just the cold as he draws himself a warm bath, and he pulls his knees up to his chest, trying to breathe through the panic that wants to engulf his entire being.

He loses time for a bit, and comes back to himself lying in his bed, burrowed under several thick layers. He feels so cold, down to his very soul-- a chill that he can never seem to truly shake, even when he’s warm.

Not for the first time, he wishes Bucky were there to hold him. He slips off to sleep thinking old, comforting thoughts of Bucky rubbing his hands between his own, coaxing his head under his chin to engulf him in that natural warmth of his. He always was a fucking furnace.

But when Steve wakes an hour later, shaking hard enough to move the bed with the force of the nightmare he’d dropped into, Bucky is not there to soothe away the ice.

-

To: JB

im so cold and i cant breathe ever and nothing feels right. I dont know what to do, u were always the problem solver between us and i cant think straight right now and i just want you here please. I cant do this anymore, im so tired please come back. I need you please

-

The Winter Soldier file sits in front of Steve-- a horrifying nightmare wrapped up in a neat brown folder. Residual nausea swirls around in his gut as he comes down from the horrible high of reading through the contents. His hands shake where they grasp the thick paper. His heart clenches hard in his chest.

Bucky is alive. Bucky is alive, and he’s been unmade.

Steve doesn’t know where he is-- if he’s escaped, or if Hydra found him again. It’s been three weeks now since the helicarriers, and he’s only just gotten the courage to sit down and wade through the shit that is Bucky’s reality.

He just hopes he’s safe. God, he hopes.

Sam says he’ll help him look, and Steve needs to know he’s at least out of danger, but he barely knows where to start.

And he’s sorry. He’s so fucking sorry.

Blinking out of his reverie, Steve looks at his laptop. He feels strange and detached as he reaches for it and logs in.

To: Bucky

And yes, that feels right. He should use his name, since he suspects no one has for a long, long time.

I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I’m sorry that you’ve been hurting so quietly for so long. I understand if you’re not ready to come home-- I understand if you never are. I just hope that you know that there will always be a place with me that is safe. I love you so much and I’m here, forever and always.

Love, Steve.

He’s not naive. He knows it would be dangerous to submit that particular message, so he doesn’t. But that’s okay. That one’s just for him-- for them.

-

“Steve? What is the… Unsent Project?”

Steve frowns and pokes his head out of the kitchen. Bucky is sitting on the couch in the living room, using his laptop, because his own is having storage issues.

Bucky looks at him. “It’s one of your saved tabs. What is it?”

And oh, fuck. Steve had forgotten to remove that from his homepage-- it really wasn’t needed anymore. He blushes all the way to his ears.

“Oh, it’s-- nothing. Not anything important--”

But Bucky has already clicked on the tab.

“The Unsent Project,” he reads aloud. “A collection of unsent text messages to… first… loves…”

He trails off as he processes what he’s looking at, and Steve can’t quite read his expression when he looks at him again. His eyebrows are furrowed, and he’s looking at Steve like he’s some sort of kicked puppy. Steve shifts, uncomfortable.

“Were you sending me… messages? While I was dead?”

Steve swallows. “Um…” and now that Bucky says it out loud, it really does sound quite sad. He shrugs. “It’s Natasha’s fault?”

Bucky shakes his head, clicking on the search bar. He starts to type his name, but Steve shakes his head.

“I didn’t use your name.”

“Oh,” Bucky says, then frowns at him again. “What did you use?”

Steve blushes harder, sitting next to Bucky and taking the laptop from him.

“Um…” he hesitates, then types what he was sure he used as his first alias.

My astronaut

The screen buffers and loads, then fifty or so messages pop up. Steve scrolls down-- it doesn’t take long to find his.

They’re both quiet as they read, and Steve cringes. Jeez, he really had been pretty dramatic. Next to him, Bucky makes a hurt noise.

“Oh, honey,” he murmurs, taking the laptop back from Steve. He reads the message again, then once more, and reaches out for Steve. “Aw, I’m here now.”

Steve huffs, embarrassed. “I know,” he says. “That was way back, like, three weeks after I woke up.”

Bucky stills. “You fought aliens three weeks after you woke up?”

“... More like two.”

Bucky hums. “Are there others?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, reaching out to type on Bucky’s lap, because Bucky is holding him now and he’s quite reluctant to move. He thinks for a moment, then types in the next one he remembers.

Mr. Sweet Tooth

Bucky laughs, and Steve finds himself smiling.

“I find this funny,” Bucky says. “Because caramel macchiatos are definitely one of my favorites now.”

Steve laughs, too, and butts his head against Bucky’s shoulder.

“If only I could tell that to myself back then-- he’d be thrilled.”

“I’m sure,” Bucky says. “Any more?”

Steve hesitates, thinking of the one he’d sent after that nightmare-- when he was low and hurting. Incoherent. He isn’t sure he wants Bucky to see that particular side of his soul, but Bucky has been more than generous in letting him in on his pains nowaday, and it’s not like Bucky hasn’t witnessed Steve’s own current nightmares.

He bites his lip and types in JB. That seems to yield a lot more results, and it takes a while for Steve to find the message.

He hides his face in Bucky’s neck as he reads. Bucky’s arms gradually tighten around him, and a moment later, he feels him kiss the top of his head.

“Honey, I hate that you were hurting so bad,” Bucky mutters against his hair.

Steve shrugs. “We both were,” he says, and it’s true. There’s something to be said about the guilt they both feel for not being able to save the other person at their lowest, but life hasn’t been kind to them. The vitriol, Steve thinks, should be directed at the goddamn universe for keeping them apart, not themselves for fucking dying. They’re working on it.

Bucky’s quiet for a long time. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he says. “Is that it?”

Steve shakes his head. “But I never sent the last one.”

“Why not?”

“I wrote it after DC.”

He feels Bucky squeeze him again, and he squeezes back.

“Oh.”

“I just-- I wanted you to know that you didn’t have to come home. That I just wanted you to be safe; needed to know you were safe, but it was up to you. I just needed you to know I was here, if you needed me.”

Bucky pulls back then and cups his face, kissing him soundly. Steve’s surprised for only a moment before he’s kissing back.

“I did know that,” Bucky says against his lips. “I needed time-- I was lost-- but the first thing I knew when I remembered who you were was that you were a safe person, because you’d never force me anywhere.”

Steve kisses him again, then pulls him into a hug. “I’m glad you knew that.” It’s warm, where their chests meet, and Bucky is solid beneath him. Real. He isn’t speaking into an abyss anymore.

-

There’s a sticky note on Bucky’s pillow next to his head when he wakes up the next morning. Steve’s side of the bed is already vacant, and he can’t hear him downstairs. He must have already left for a run.

Propping himself on an elbow, Bucky plucks up the sticky note.

To: My Bucky

Thank you for choosing me to be your home, and thank you forever, for being mine.

I love you with everything I have.

Love, your Steve

Bucky smiles, heart light as he folds the notes. He’ll keep that one with him, he thinks. A little bit of home to bring wherever he goes.

-

anyway yeah fslkjflaskjfls i-- ouch. anything to do with letters w these two hurts me immensely

[heyitsyn]

RANDOM SEIJOH HCs ACCORDING TO GIGI

a/n: this is a thing i cooked up between doing trig exam and ap gov review akdsjfldskfj

IM PRETTY SURE I ALREADY USED THIS GIF BUT IM WANTING TO RE-DO MY ENTIRE PAGE AND MAKING BANNERS SO THIS IS A TEMPORARY THING AJDJDJJD ALSO I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO THE KEEP READING THING ON THE APP BYE

oikawa def listens to indie music just bc he wants to feel unique and the 'iM diFfErENt fRoM oTHeR gUrLs' vibes

i FIRMLY BELIEVE IWAIZUMI HAJIME IS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO CHOMPS ON HIS ICE CREAM BC HE LIKES TO FEEL THE COLD ON HIS TEETH AKSJSKSKSK

meanwhile kunimi eats a kitkat like its pizza just CHOMP

makki caNNOT sleep without a pillow between his thighs LIKE LISTEN he has 2 sisters and they all told him its so comfortable and at first he was like,, ??,, then he tried and now cant sleep without it

bUT MATTSUN LIKES TO SLEEP WITH PILLOWS SURROUNDING HIM bc it makes him feel safe and like there are two body pillows on either side of him and hes kinda trapped in the middle aksjskdk

when kyo was younger, he was really short and although he had other pants, he loved this one pair but they were really long on him and he wore it all the time and the part of the pants that touched the ground is torn in shreds

kindaichi steps on the sofa before sitting LIKE puts one foot on the cushion then the other until hes literally standing on the couch before folding to sit with his knees up to his chest (i do this)

watari sniffs his food before eating it no matter if its something he eats all the time or something new, he still sniffs it either way

yahaba is really particular with his feet and he likes to get a really big tupperware (duh one only meant for his feet) and fill it up with warm almost boiling water and he just soaks them

oikawa has sleep paralysis and he oftens hallucinates about aliens in the corner of his room

kunimi does this thing where he makes weird noises with his mouth like sounds of his mouth opening LIKE when youre tastinf something new and you do that sound with your tongue (I DUNNO HOW TO DESCRIBE IT AJDKSKKD)

makki bends his knees just to crack his ankles

iwa sneezes a ton but he has those sneezes where theyre quiet that you dont even notice or really loudly that it just echoes throughout the gym

kyo sleeps with one sock on bc his feet gets cold easily but both socks make him feel really hot so only one sock is perfect

for a tall and hunk of a guy, mattsun is a very light walker like his footsteps are very light and if he wants to, it can be practically silent

watari actually hates vegetables ajssksksk he particularly hates zucchini, eggplants, any vegetables that are that shape

kindaichi likes to stick or lean against walls because to him, they feel cold and can decrease his body heat

oikawa stands and places his feet at V position like \/ instead of ll because his sister did ballet and he was taught that was the right way of standing and it was considered graceful

yahaba has a fear of cactuses

mattsun does so badly in the heat because his body temp runs so high and the hot surroundings make him feel so uncomfortable and so he takes a lot of cold showers

iwa cannot swim like he freaks out immediately when his toetips can no longer feel the bottom and he panics with thoughts of drowning

watari has really small feet that he still buys big kids shoes to save money

kyotani considered playing baseball because he thought baseball bats were cool but he got angry and threw tantrum after missing his first pitch

iwa chomps on a whole raw chili while eating ramen akskksks

oikawa actually hates sweets bc when he was younger, he had cavities and iwa showed him a cartoon of cavities eating his teeth and will make him toothless

kindaichi really really likes hugs but hes too awkward to ask them even from his parents

yahaba chomps on mints so he goes through boxes of them in a week

i feel like theres a boy in the team who doesnt brush their teeth everyday and rubs a towel on their teeth to make it look clean and take mints to hide their bad breath

iwaizumi is actually iron deficient so he bruises super super fast and he even developed iron defiency anemia when he was younger bc his parents didnt catch on which caused him to be put on strong medication for months and still takes it now

WAIT,, OIKAWA IS LACTOSE INTOLERANT BUT HE LIKES MILK SO HE EATS MILK BREAD TO MAKE HIM FEEL NOT SO BAD OR GUILTY OF CONSUMING STRAIGHT DAIRY

seijoh four bonding time is watching gordom ramsey shows and yelling and screaming 'YEA! EXACTLY!' as if theyre also cooking genuises

watari used to eat grapes all the time until his mom got worried and told him if he doesnt stop, he will eventually turn into one. he only eats it every few weeks

when he was younger, kunimi cried because he had befriended a chicken on a trip to a farm and his mom took him to eat fried chicken after and he thought it was Chicky (his chicken friend :"))

kyotani used to stick out his tongue when it was raining so he could taste the raindrops. they taste better than bottled water

one time, during a seijoh sleepover, they dared oikawa to wear his sisters old uniform, skirt and all, and it backfired so everyone turned red and couldnt look at him in the face

their pregame ritual is touching each other's shoe tips

they tried doing yoga at yahaba's house before by watching yoga youtube videos but everyone ended up having to go to the chiropractor after (how did makki even turn into the human pretzel?)

the local gym gets so scared when they see the team coming through the doors bc these men are so LOUD like they HYPE EACH OTHER UP SO MUCH THEYRE SO ANNOYING AKSKSKDK

also never take them to an all you can eat sushi place. if you do, bring them earlier of the day like 30 mins after opening time so the cooks can cook enough for them without running out of ingredients (even then sometimes they still run out)

oikawa used to eat his mom's roses from her garden because he thought it would make his farts smell good like roses

takahiro is a surprisingly good artist like he draws really cool action fighting scenes in the corner of his papers and stuff

in my work: it's canon that iwa is half filo and his nanay used to dress him up in a barong all the time during halloween bc she wanted him to showcase his heritage

yahaba drinks a lot of milk because he hopes to one day grow strong and bulky like the 3rd years instead of being seen as a pretty boy

kindaichi's mom is a hairstylist and she always scolds him for using a lot of gel bc she's always the one who washes his hair

makki never learned how to do taxes and hes had the government knocking on his door a handful of times (BOKUTO AKKDJSKKS)

kyo has a dog: a chiweenie

there's someone on the team who wears those socks with individual pockets for toes

their pinterest is so different from what they look like for example, mattsun has a board of different flower decorations and arrangements

kunimi throws up during intense horror movies

watari's celeb crush is emma watson

the team alternates from different music genres like from ateez and bts to mxmtoon and beach bunny

they still dont know how to pronounce camila cabello's name

theyre all active in social media but only oikawa is on it 24/7 and in all platforms while the others have insta and snap

mattsun has twins as little siblings and he used to get them mixed up all the time that he used to draw a sharpie dot on the girl's forehead to determine she was his sister

watari hates sitting on the floor bc his butt bone hurts really easily so he can only sit on cushions for long periods of time

the team was supposed to have a party but everyone didnt know what to bring so they proved they shared the same braincell by bringing the same thing: a box of pizza

makki's an old soul and prefers to play records on a record player or watch old movies

kyo is surprisingly good at giving massages because he really pushed hard on those tense muscles

kindaichi knows how to crack necks so everyone goes to him a lot to do it (a friend of mine does this and can i say its terrifying yet so good?)

the only one who has a license is matsukawa and thats because granny needs to go to the doctor a lot and he hates her walking by herself and cabs are expensive

kyotani and yahaba are actually,,, lowkey close,,, not like best friends but theyre nice to each other and they got a stick and poke together (yahaba's was: :) while kyo's was: >:))

watari has a collection of mangas (some bl maybe 👀)

WARNING SAD: mattsun’s future job is a funeral person right? he ends up taking care of granny’s funeral free of charge and he had to take a week off because it was really painful for him

oikawa learned spanish SUPER fast to the point he forgets japanese sometimes but there are moments where he forgets both languages and hes just,,,, ???

makki’s unemployed yea but he rooms with mattsun in exchange of cooking because makki’s surprisingly good at cooking

iwa is practically the nutritionist of the team because he knows everything about proteins, carbs, iron, and needed vitamins so they all go to him to know what to eat and what they need

kunimi has lots and lots of shoes but usually only wears 2

kindaichi has a habit of pretending hes chewing gum even though he doesnt have gum, his mouth just chomps and moves with air akasldfjkf

there was a clown phenomenon in america but in their city, they had a mascots and seijoh 4 went around scaring kids :”(

oikawa never manspreads he gets too insecure to spread out like that akdjfkd

kyotani can easily sleep anywhere like he would be standing and just fall asleep or he sleeps with his eyes open

yahaba’s parents own a restaurant somewhere in the city and he works there sometimes

IM REALLY GOING TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS YALL AKSDJFKL

SORRY IM WRITING TOO MUCH I FEEL BAD THAT I HAVENT UPDATED BUT IM IN A CAR RIDE RN AND I WAS ABLE TO WRITE AGAIN AND MY EXAMS HAVE FINISHED THIS WEEK IMMA CRY

PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH ANY OTHER HCS YOU GUYS KNOW OF SO I CAN PUT IT IN HERE AND CREDIT YOU WITH IT SO WE CAN HAVE LIKE A HCS BOOK FROM EVERYONE BUT THIS IS WHAT I STARTED WITH

oikawa screams a lot according to gigi but he’s actually a really quiet guy and not easy to scare

OKAY YOU GUYS DONT KILL ME I SWEAR IVE BEEN SO TERRIBLE AT WRITING BUT YOU KNOW WHO TURNED ONE TODAY? THIS PAGE!!! MY BABY IS ONE ALREADY 😭😭😭 ANYWAYS, HOPE THIS CAN MAKE YOU GUYS SMILE TODAY AND SCHOOL ENDS NEXT WEEK AND IM ALREADY AT 132 DRAFTS AMSJKSDKSK SO OH MY GOD THERES GOING TO BE SO MUCH COMING AND IM SO EXCITED TO GET THEM OUT 😩😩

[jimlingss]

O SHOOT REQUESTS !!! ill take my chances and ask for a zombie apocalypse or pirate au ft. hoseok 👀 i couldnt choose between the two aus and im hoseok biased but i can honestly see any member so do as who u see fit. i will not let my pairing/au choice limit the authors talent 😤 and i dont doubt anything from you will satisfy. and pshhh,, where are my manners. please and thank u! love u 💛

↳ Crocodile Tears

1.8k || 98% Fluff, 2% Angst || Jung Hoseok || Pirate!AU

“Look what I nabbed, Cap’n.”

Gunner Taehyung’s grinning with all teeth, a golden chain wrapped around his fingers that’s so shiny it’s blinding with the sunlight. Hoseok’s intrigued and flips the locket in his hand. It’s heavy with a wild rose engraved on the front and once he pops it open, there’s a faded painted portrait of a young woman inside.

“It’s a booty, eh? Caught if off milady right over ‘ere.”

Hoseok hums and narrows his eyes on the wrench tied in rope sitting amongst the captives. Your face is dirtied, hair drawn in a bun at your crown but with many strands fallen around your face. Your gown rat’s coloured, dull gray. You are entirely unremarkable. Like any other peasant.

But it’s not often captives have something of value on them.

“Bring her to my cabin.”

“Aye, aye.”

The ship sets sail again. Taehyung keeps the captives quiet with the threat of throwing them overboard while the cabin boy Jungkook swabs the poop deck. Helmsman Seokjin mans the helm with navigator Namjoon by his side. The ship’s heading to dock at Port Galigeo to get a pretty penny for all the loot and treasures they’ve gotten after four months’ voyage.

Once steep waters are reached and everything’s been taken care of, Hoseok resumes to his cabin. There, he finds you, sitting in the corner on the floorboards with tears in your eyes. You gasp as he enters and shuts the door.

“Please! Spare me!” you beg sorrowfully. “Let me go!”

“Why should I?” Hoseok tosses his hat onto his table and his coat to his rickety chair. You look so frightful, even when he’s still in his drawers and shirt, held together by the red sash.

He fiddles with the many golden rings across his fingers, a habit since he began his adventures, and he comes over to you. Hoseok’s boots are heavy against the floorboards, and he crouches down to meet your trembling eyes.

“I-I am just a peasant,” you sob. “I have nothing to give to you! My father is merely a farmer.”

“Oh? Then what be this here?” Hoseok dangles the priceless locket in front of you as the corner of his lip curls. It catches the light from the tiny window of the cabin and the gold gleams against your eyes, practically sparkling like a jewel. 

Your eyes flicker from it to him, hiccuping and frame quivering like a damn leaf. “It’s my grandmother’s. She left it for me before she passed.”

Hoseok hums a low note. “An’ if this be your grandmother’s, how she pay for such a treasure? Unless she been a thief.”

Your downcast head shakes. “I don’t know, I don’t know.”

He pops the locket open before taking a good look at it. “This here be a portrait of you, isn’t it? You look different. Lavish. Like a noble’s daughter.”

“T-That isn’t me.”

“Then who?”

“I don’t know.” 

There’s something rather pretty in the way tears drip down your cheeks, so soft and gentle like jewels of their own right. But Hoseok has seen many women, children and men cry. It’s nothing astonishing.

Hoseok smirks, a rush of air leaving his nose. “I’ve been cap’n of this ship for nearly a decade, dearest. I’ve held treasures you could only dream of, been in battles that nearly lost my leg, sailed ‘cross the seven seas with me mates. I know when a wrench lies.”

His eyes are narrowed in on yours. And Hoseok comes closer, hand lifting to grab a hold of your chin. But before he can, before he can blink or breathe — suddenly, you brandish a piece of glass against his exposed neck. 

The ropes around you clatter to the ground. Hoseok feels the sharp edge of the glass digging into his skin, a moment away from nicking him and drawing blood. But more notably, your eyes are aflame. Your expression is dark and you’re scowling at him. 

Gone is the fragile little girl weeping for mercy.

“Don’t come closer,” you warn in a low voice without a single tremble.

He leans back, but his gaze stays on yours. “You reckon you could kill me?”

“I wouldn’t hesitate.”

Hoseok’s mouth curls, grin stretching into his cheek. His interest is piqued. He knew there was more to you beneath the surface, and he’s happy you haven’t disappointed.

His hand latches onto your wrist to force your hand away. It's a battle of strength. One that he ultimately wins as the piece of glass goes clattering on the ground out of your reach. He sees it’s part of a broken bottle. But Hoseok’s much too put off guard and when your leg kicks out at him, he’s smacked square in the chin.

He grips it as he lands on his ass, sharply exhaling. But then he bursts into chuckles.

“You got some mean spirit in you, sweetheart.”

Unfortunately for you, Hoseok has far too much experience in combat and capture. Even if you try to kick, strike and even bite him, it’s not too difficult to get you tied into ropes again. Except this time, he makes sure to use his special knots and get you so wound up, no sharp edge could free you. 

“Let me go, bastard!”

“Settle down. You’re only gettin’ yourself riled.” Hoseok crouches in front of you again and comes to wipe away the stray tear on your cheek with the pad of his thumb. You angrily scowl at him, chest rising and falling. Crying won’t get you far now, not when he knows they’re just crocodile tears. “Don’t get yourself worried about someone hurtin’ you. Everyone on this ship swears by our code, me included.”

You scoff. “As if I’d trust a pirate.”

Hoseok smirks. “If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve done so already. It isn’t pleasin’ for me to force a girl like yourself either. Not when I have plenty o’ gold to play with a wrench at the dock. Now I suggest you behave or my Quartermaster’ll throw you overboard.”

“Then do it!” you shout at him with your entire body, only to flop over to the floorboards.

He grips the knob of the door and looks over his shoulder. “No. You’re too much of a treasure, sweetheart.”

The sun is falling over the horizon when Namjoon approaches. “Everything go well with the girl?”

Hoseok hums and turns with a glint in his eye. “Tell all hands to keep her separate.”

Port Galigeo is reached within two days time. The waters are calm without storms and the stars are clear at night. The sailing is smooth and so the docks are reached faster than ever before.

The men aboard are eager to sell the loot, to spend a few days ashore, spend nights at the brothel and replenish the rum. As follows, their steps are quick and they move the crates of jewels and tools to the harbour. Seokjin also takes care of the captives, leading them in a straight line off the gangplank to be sold.

“Cap’n! What ‘bout the beauty ‘ere.” Taehyung points to you.

Hoseok meets your eyes and you’re seething, glaring back at him. The corner of his mouth curls in amusement.

“Leave her. Tell the lad to watch over her till we return.” He points to Jungkook and Taehyung nods with an ‘aye, aye’. 

Most of his crewmen take care of business, getting as much gold for the loot as possible. But Hoseok fiddles with your pendant in hand and heads to a jeweler. Said jeweler is an old man who quivers upon seeing him, Namjoon and Seokjin in his shop. He hides behind his table and cries, “Please! Spare me! Take what you must!”

Hoseok sighs. He doesn’t know why everyone thinks so badly of him. Maybe because he’s a pirate and he and his crew have pillaged countless. That’s fair, he supposes.

“Stop yer quivering,” Seokjin spews out, leaning against his table. “We need you to look at somethin’. Hurry before I steal your silver!”

Hoseok lifts your golden locket, letting it dangle from his hand. 

The old man eventually slinks out when he realizes they won’t do anything, and he takes out his magnifying glass. He motions for him to bring it forward and Hoseok does. The old man hums, studying the locket before flipping it over in his hand. His thumb brushes against the wild rose engraving.

“Where did you get this from?” he asks.

“Don’t matter,” Namjoon says curtly. 

Hoseok studies the man’s face and leans closer. “What is it?”

“It is a very valuable locket. I happen to recognize this symbol as well. It is the emblem of the Crochetta Kingdom.” He pops the locket open to the portrait of the young woman and looks up at Hoseok, clearing his throat. “I believe this locket belongs to the youngest princess of that kingdom. The runaway.”

Hoseok’s brow cocks.

The three of them leave in a hurry. 

Seokjin’s eyes are glazed as his mouth starts to spew how Lady Luck is truly on their side, how they’ll be able to get their hands on a high ransom or sell you for countless riches. Namjoon is perplexed at how a princess like you managed to get here when Crochetta was countries away.

But Hoseok remains quiet. He doesn’t plan to trade you. He doesn’t ask questions.

He is entirely and wholly intrigued. Like never before.

“Blimey, the ship!” There’s a shout at the docks and Hoseok is torn from his thoughts. Taehyung has his hands in the air, cursing aloud. And Hoseok’s eyes trail from him to his ship that’s off the dock and disappearing over the horizon. “It’s sailing away!”

Seokjin is aghast. “How?!”

“Who’s still on?!” Hoseok shouts, looking around the dock to all his shocked men and their mouths drawn open big enough to catch flies.

“That girl,” Namjoon says, looking at the captain.

Hoseok tied you tightly, he made sure of it. Unless you freed yourself again. But it’s not possible that you lifted the anchor. 

No. You must’ve cut the rope.

“Where’s Jungkook?”

At the same time, there’s a high-pitched shriek in the distance. All of the men are held to their spots on the docks as they watch a tiny figure in the horizon get pushed off the ship’s deck and then plopped into the waters. 

There’s a loud splash.

You stole the ship.

Hoseok is quiet when his men turn to him. They don’t dare utter a single word, far too afraid their captain is boiling with anger. But what frightens them far more is when Hoseok suddenly bursts out into chortling laughter.

He laughs and grins as he watches his ship sail into the distance.

You were truly a treasure hard to find. He knew it when he saw you.

And now, he’ll just have to catch you again.

[imagineurfavs]

Liquid Confidence

I'd like to submit a request for a drabble with GOT7 Youngjae, 37, 43, & 57. IMO, there just isn't enough for Youngjae...

Pairing: Youngjae (GOT7) x reader Prompts: “I’m not drunk enough to have this conversation” “Would a friend do this?” “Can you just shut up for 5 minutes please?” Summary: just a drunken confession lol Genre: Fluff?? idk really... Word Count: 1,485  A/N: this is beyond terrible im sorry im apparently terrible at writing anything with any kind of emotion sjghsjgns

Pushing your way through hordes of sweaty strangers, you make your way to the exit of whoevers house it was you were actually at. You’d only tagged along to this party because you had been assured you that your friend Youngjae would be here; but it didn’t look like he’d bothered to turn up. Without his desperately needed comic relief, you really didn't see any point in hanging around.

 Just as you reach the door and go to grab the handle, a clammy hand reached over and rested upon your own. You spun around expecting to see a red faced stranger ready to ply you with more alcohol in an attempt to get you to stick around. Instead, you were met with an equally red faced, and very drunk Youngjae “y/n!!!! I’ve been looking for you all night- I was hanging out in the kitchen then for some reason i ended up in the bathroom, I’ve been everywhere but I didn't see you so i thought you weren’t here but I spotted you from the other side of the room so i ca-” he rambled on, his sweaty hand still on yours atop the door handle.

“Wait. You’re leaving?” He stopped himself mid sentence to ask, spotting your hand still trying to turn the handle. With his eyes growing larger, the drunken giddiness on his face turns to a look of disappointment.

“Well yeah, I don’t really see any point in staying. I was waiting for you but honestly now I just think my social interaction meter has run out for today, I just wanna be somewhere quiet and ma-”

“Wait no. You can’t leave, I’ve got something to talk to you about, come with me.” He cut you off, now grabbing your hand and leading you through the rooms, making his way to the back door on the other side of the house.

Pushing open the door, you’re hit with a cold blast of crisp night air, the sounds from the inside vanishing slowly as the door closed behind you.

“Everyone went inside because it’s getting kinda cold out” Youngjae said with a nervous giggle as he let go of your hand, beckoning you to a garden table surrounded by worn out plastic lawn chairs. “Plus at least you can get a bit of quiet now” he continued, picking up a half empty class of unknown alcohol someone had left behind.

After a few minutes of relishing in the new quiet atmosphere, you turn to Youngjae, who was leaning back in his chair, staring blankly at the night sky, “What was it you wanted to talk to me about...?” You said across the table, breath hanging visible in the air.

“Oh...yeah, right, that” He answered, snapping back to reality and sitting upright, finishing what was left in the glass in one big gulp. Letting out a big sigh and leaning closer to you across the table. “y/n...I like you. Like...really like you...”

“Oh god, that was blunt...are you saying what I think you are..?” shifting uncomfortably in your seat you mumble with a sigh “I’m not drunk enough for this conversation.” trying to avoid eye contact, but you can still feel his gaze piercing into your cheek.

“Well” He draws in a long breath, trying to compose himself as much as possible “I am drunk enough and I really need to tell you. I promise it’s not just the alcohol talking, it might seem like it is but I promise it’s for real. I’m being serious.” Without looking you feel his hands shift closer to your own, barely touching, but close enough to feel the warmth radiating from them.

You keep your gaze locked firmly on the ground below the glass table, but listen as he speaks out loud. His stream of consciousness continues “I know you know what I’m gonna say y/n, we’ve been friends for such a long time, I know, but I really think I like you more than that, y’know? Like...we’re like peanut butter and jelly, Tom and Jerry...and other analogies I can’t think of because to be honest...I’m pretty hammered...” he trailed off with a giggle. “What I’m tryna say is, we’re inseparable... there’s no me without you...”

“I really need you to think about what you’re saying Youngjae, we’re friends...best friends I might even say.” You knew you should probably stop talking, but you couldn't stop your words coming out, before you knew it you were babbling right back at him “And I’m not saying that I’ve never thought about you in that way, I have, many times but like what if everything goes wrong and we end up hating each other, I dont want that to happen but like wha-”

“Can you just shut up for 5 minutes please?” He spoke clearly, the intoxication in his voice almost fully disappeared. “Are you saying you feel the same way y/n?” You could pretty much hear his massive grin in the tone of his voice, you wanted to see that smile so badly but you didn’t think you could face him.

“Well...I don’t know. Maybe” You hear the sound of the plastic chair moving across the patio and Youngjae standing from his seat “I mean, yeah, I guess I do...but we’re friends Youngjae, I don’t wanna lose that...ah, I dunno...”

Before you could look up, you see his feet directly in front of you, he crouches down so his face is inches from yours. Taking your chin with his thumb, he lifts your face so your eyes meet with his own.

“Would a friend do this?” He spoke with a shaky breath, leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on your lips. An overwhelming taste of alcohol on his lips is the first thing that hits you, replaced slowly by his overwhelming warmth. Suddenly the cold air felt like a hot summers day. 

The kiss was sloppy, but meaningful. Messy, yet innocent. With every move of his lips against yours, the world around you began to feel further and further away. One of his hands rested on your shoulders whilst your own cupped his soft flushed cheeks. His free hand sat comfortably on your thigh, drawing small circles with his thumb.

Even with the awkward crouched position he was in, you felt his body relax next to yours, deepening the kiss as he leaned in closer to you. Every movement of his lips telling you everything he never had the courage to admit to you before. 

Your moment was cut short by the door being flung open, a rowdy friend of yours practically falling out on to the patio next to you. Youngjae pulls his lips away from you, but keeps his hand protectively on your shoulders, pulling you closer to him.

“Ooooooooh...whats t-this...did I interrupt you two...hah- sorry...it was about time you two got together though...we’ve all been waiting for you both to ad- admit you like each other loooooooool...sorry- pretend I was never here..” They said as they stumbled backwards, quickly tried to make their way back indoors.

“Well...now I’m embarrassed” you mumbled quietly, head hanging low.

“To be honest” Youngjae replied laughing “I’m more embarrassed they said lol out loud. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Plus like they said, it was about time anyway”

He moved slowly to his feet, offering you his hand as he stands. “Come on, you wanna get out of here?”

“What exactly are you insinuating?” you laughed, standing up, ready to make your way out.

“What?!?” I’m not suggesting anything like that!” He answered with a jokingly shocked expression on on his face, “You said before that you wanted to go somewhere quiet...and I wanna be with you, so I thought we could both go somewhere together, yeah?”

As you make your way back through the house, you’re met with the laughter filled cheers of your intoxicated friends as they spot you walking hand in hand with Youngjae. You turn to him just as you reach the door you very nearly walked out of earlier, met with the crescent eyed smile of your...friend?...boyfriend...?

“We’re totally dating now by the way, we’ve kissed and everything, it’s the law” He places one last very dramatic peck on your lips, one that he obviously wanted everyone close by to see. After causing chaos you quickly scurried out of the house to the sounds of yet more rowdy excited cheers. 

The night was bitterly cold, but you didn’t care; you’d stay out all night if it meant getting to stay with Youngjae even an hour longer. Before you were even aware, the boy had let go of your hand and was removing his jacket, draping it carefully over your shoulders. “I wanted to do that earlier, but I didn't wanna let go of your hand” he admitted quietly as you continue strolling peacefully though the dimly light suburban streets.

-------

a/n lets just pretend i ended this on some super sweet note and didnt just cut it off randomly bc I apparently have no idea how to end things lmao sorry 

[taehyungsgrowl]

SFW Alphabet for Nate

I think I did it wrong last time bc I was waiting for people to send me letters when I was just supposed to go down the list. But I’m a dummy so disregard half of what I say.

i hope you guys like them and thank you virgo anon for the input w these 🥺i love our baby 🥺

Here we go:

A- Activity (What is their favorite activity to do with you.)

-- i think he likes doing new things w you. and i know that sounds cliche BUT hear me out. duncan is a bit of a home body 🥺loves to be curled up w reader sharing kissies and cuddling. nate enjoys that too but i think trying new adventures w you is his favorite. i can see him being the type to like hiking dates!! (also lets not forget the tik tok videos you guys make together )

B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship)

-- considering the beginning did start off as something kinda casual between him and reader, he kept it as such. but he’s such a natural charmer that even when he’s not trying, he just comes across as super sweet. they’d finish hooking up and he’d offer her to stay over or get them food (not bc he felt like he needed to but it’s just the kinda guy he is) i think he probably let his goofy side out right at the beginning as well. its what helped y/n open up to him and feel at ease w him 🥺

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)

-- big sigh. nate? was the KING of communication!! hell! he was able to talk to duncan (who ISNT the best at communicating) when they weren’t even friends and helped him talk to dumb!reader. plus he’d always been open about his feelings. told y/n right away when he knew he was in love. (i only say he WAS bc he should have told y/n he was struggling before he ended up in the hospital 🥺)

D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk)

-- koala bear cuddly drunk!! not just between him and reader! but he will love on anyone! (omg.. you know dunc was a little 😳when drunk!bro!nate started hugging him... hiding his face in duncs neck... telling he smells good... telling him how much he loves him... bros 👯‍♂️)

E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? You get hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..)

— oh god. nate is the type to keep cool and collected in an emergency - even if he were the one having an emergency 🥺 like if reader would’ve been w him during his car accident, she would have been worried sick over him and he’d just be like, “hey, look at me. i’m okay, yeah? a lot stronger than i look, babe.” even if it hurt like hell because he doesn’t wanna worry her. if you were in an emergency or got hurt, he’d go into sexy doctor mode. “tell me where it hurts.” squeezing your hand to reassure you, “i got you.” also kissies where it hurts 🥺 and he’s such a good listener too wow we have no choice but to simp.

F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with)

-- i’m just gonna share one head canon that virgo anon tossed at me that really made me 🥺 baby nate 🥺 and how when he was younger he was always a nice boy 🥺 but wasnt the popular or “hot” one until he grew into himself in college 🥺 when he got maxie and it helped him manage his stress enough to be able to make connections 🥺y’all when she said that it made me heart 🥺 my sweet boy

G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?)

-- i think his gifts are rarely “over the top” but !! they’re simple and personalized!!! like a lil necklace w his initials / name 🥺or maybe he has someone make a picture of you two into an animation? like have someone draw you guys (do u know what im talking about?) as far as gifts for him, he enjoys like “interactive gifts” like sending him on a lil scavenger hunt (nate loves setting them up for you too 🥺) but if you set one up for HIM? god! he’d love you!

H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle)

-- nate loves! loves! to give forehead kissies (not just because he’s tall fjhsjh) and being hugged (or picked up) in his strong arms!! loves it!! he loves being the big spoon 🥺i love him. 

I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?)

-- that reader continues to choose duncan over him fkjsvsfkv he wears his heart on his sleeve so i think when nate is upset or irritated... you know. 

J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?)

-- does nate have more $ than the shepherds? debatable. but he isn’t as... flashy w his money as duncan is. he’s a little more down to earth if that makes sense. BUT thats besides the point. he’d probably donate a lot to a charity of his choice than take you on a little get away. maybe a cross country road trip 🥺 or off to an island getaway. he’s flexible. 

K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?)

-- virgo anon made me 🥺when we were talking about this bc nate would do anything for the people he loves and 🥺that gets him hurt. especially when he feels like those people dont love him in the way he does them 🥺

L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?)

-- clown!! nate is the guy that always keeps you laughing 🥺and most times he cant even contain his own laughter omg i will cry im in love with one man

M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?)

-- he’s a morning person 🥺 likes to start off his morning with a run and protein shake SMH fitness KING. 

N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?)

-- he’s so used to being the one who’s needed 🥺 it takes him a while to be comfy being vulnerable and needy. idk if there’s anything in particular that sets him off to be like this - but i’d like to think it happens at random. like youre on the couch and he just nuzzles his face on your tummy for you to pet his hair. he demonstrates it by wanting to be close to you 🥺

O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?)

-- i think he’d be the kinda guy that enjoys the sun (not just bc he looks hot, shirtless on a beach) but yes. somewhere nice and sunny where he could have maxie w him 🥺if he could stay on the beach where he started falling for dumb!reader (with her) for ever he would 🥺

P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when you are in pain?)

-- emotional or physical? jfgksjdgsdk but no i think if he’s well regulated, he can handle pain well - it’s when he’s not that it’s a problem (w emotional pain) he stops taking care of himself the way he should and really spirals into his head a lot you know 🥺i think he can handle others being in pain better than himself bc he loves a lot and its easier to focus his attention on trying to fix things for them (like we said his biggest weakness is doing too much for those he loves)

Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship)

-- “loving is easy” fjskfsf not to be too corny but 🥺being w nate was easy... always on the same page.. and made her feel good. 🥺

R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing you after a long time of being apart)

-- lots!!! of kissies!! picking you up!! holding you close!!! physical touch is pretty high on his love language list i think 🥺(i think quality time or acts of service might be his top two though) 

S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?)

-- i generally think duncan is more of a control freak than nate, but i do think to some extent, they’re similar that when things feel out of their control, it really stresses them out. i think it manifests at different times. i think for duncan its more trivial things whereas w nate, if he feels like he could be doing something to “fix” something and he cant do anything it freaks him out. hes a healer, you know. i think working out is a big stress reliever for him 🥺my strong baby!! that and goofing off w reader 🥺

T- Terror (What are they afraid of?)

-- this kinda ties into his weakness (and could be amplified by his younger years) but he’s afraid of not really being enough for those he loves. especially if he was teased as a kid 🥺maybe thats why in a lot of his nightmares the theme of abandonment appears a lot 🥺i made myself SAD 🥺

U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?)

-- i asked virgo anon for help on this one 🥺and i love her so much 🥺 nate tugs on his hair when he’s nervous 🥺 he gets a lil annoyed after he buzzes it off and doesnt have much to pull on 🥺he likes to hold hands when spooning. loves to sing along to disney movies (but lets be honest, he’s the real prince KING)

V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?)

-- well... idk if it’s fair to say he fights a lot because he tries not to resort to that - especially grad school nate. mostly because he knows he’s good at fighting. omfg... boxer!nate.... may have all my rights. and he doesn’t really wanna hurt anyone. BUT if needed!!! he will throw down. (ex. when dunc wouldnt let y/n leave the house. and then attacked him!! nate had to stand his ground 😌

W- Wow (What do you do that really surprises them? What do you do that they really like?)

-- idk i think nate was probably really surprised when reader gave him that second chance at friendship in the bathroom 🥺didnt think she would. on a lighter note, surprising him w fresh cooked meals always make him 🥺because... he’s trying but hasnt mastered the cooking thing yet.

X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates)

-- he’s uhh packing 😳and it hits all the right spots, you know 😳omfg and lets not forget the dickscussion we had about his head game being stronger than duncans 😌

Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly that they can’t deal with it?)

-- i wasnt sure what really grossed out medical professionals (if anything djsfs) but we kinda head canon for him to be into family / pediatric medicine so anything w LOTS of blood loss probably freaks him out 

Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without you)

-- my baby. nate has really bad night terrors especially on bad(tm) days. it usually helps to have someone w him to be able to keep him calm when he wakes up 🥺if its not y/n you can bet maxie will be there for tons of kissies. he’s a sleep talker 🥺and when sleeping w you he loves being big spoon 🥺and when he’s alone, he kinda sleeps curled up and w a lot of pillows. comfort KING

[someone-always-cares]

[image description: a q&a for the webcomic someone always cares. full desc under the cut because its long and wordy sorry]

post chapter 3 Q&A

first - previous - next

thanks for yalls questions!! it was fun to answer! if anyone still has questions feel free to ask whenever i am always 100% down to ramble. even if i did go slightly off topic in some answers

additional: went off topic with the hair question a bit. their bright hair is all part of the transformations. regular hair dye does exist though. best way to tell is that if the eyebrow matches the hair its probably not dyed. also, quartz’s hair is naturally ginger.

also for more on ages, check out the character bios here

also was gonna keep this in the tags but thought i might as well actually try to answer it: the question i found it hardest to answer was someone the song one. my taste in music is. a mess really. ive been listening to like the same 5 songs on repeat all day. more under the cut because i was rambling again and now its uhhh half 1am

if it helps at the time of answering that specific question i had home by cavetown on repeat, and that song reminds me of both rami and lewis. but that may be because i project onto those two a lot, and as a aro trans dude. who sucks with people skills, yeah of course i love that song.

specifically the vibes of like not knowing how to communicate (rami is fine with his friends but other people are different), the lines “ Turn off your porcelain face, I can't really think right now and this place, Has too many colors, enough to drive all of us insane” idk what the porcelain face line is supposed to mean but im picturing it as like. a mask. that you need to take off and stop hiding and rami does tend to hide when hes feeling upset, and the next two lines kinda could tie into that, like the feeling of when youre overwhelemed and just want the world to stop so you just hide somewhere. also the colours could go with chapter 3 with the chromatic abberation.

also the bit with “ my eyes went dark, I don't know where, my pupils are, But I'll figure out a way to get us out of here” just kinda sums up ramis whole hero thing with his powers and all. anyway this has turned into less what songs rami would like and why this particular song reminds me of him and lewis (lewis specifically has the hair cutting/chest hiding, [big transmasc mood], and also messy haired trainwreck who doesnt know who he is yet. also the ghosts bit)

i did end up picking upbeat songs because ramis a dude who like to try and be upbeat even if things arent. even if hes not really feeling it he will pretend to.

[full description: Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: “hi ily!!! do characters like quartz who have colored hair have that naturally or did they dye it?”

“its both natural and not! while most supers can do a magical girl ish transformation, including a change in hair colour, there are some exceptions.”

theres two small full body drawings of rami, one in civilian clothes, one fully transformed.

“if a superhero were to have a biological child, the child will inherit the powers of the parent(s). however, the child will not inherit the full transfromation. they do inherit any physical transformations, but not the outfit.”

theres a drawing of a woman in blue, quartz’s mother, fully transformed, holding her mask in her hand, smiling down at a much younger quartz as a child. hes smiling back up at her with the same blue eyes, pointy ears, and blue hair, but hes still in normal clothes.

“in the case of quartz, both of hisparents had superpowers, and he inherited those powers and the physical transformations.he can also pick and mix whatphysical traits to change.“

next is a headshot of adult quartz, his face split down the middle with one side having hair and eye like his mother, the other like his father. theres a list of traits from each parents, blue hair and eyes and pointy ears from his mum, and purple hair and eyes and pointy teeth from their dad.

 “Anonymous said to someone-always-cares:  Are all the characters the same age? If not, how old are they? Are they irl friends or just superhero friends?”

theres some headshots of rami and his team lined up with ages labelled: cam is 15, rami himself is 17, lin, mateo, and dante, are all 18, and cap is 20.

“rami and xandra were somewhat friends before she got superpowers, so when, after the incident with her old team, she found rami had developed powers, xandra stuck close to him. their other teamates started off as superhero friends but soon turned into irl friends too”

theres a headshot of lewis and jade. theyre both 17

“when lewis first decided to start being a vigilante,jade quickly found him and decided to help train himand offered to be a mentor of sorts, as they both have similar powers. that quickly derailed.”

“ cinder5555 said to someone-always-cares: How long does it usually take to make a comic page? I'm curious because they're so freaking good that they must take FOREVER”

theres a drawing of myself, a fluffy hair tired bastard in a hoodie, smiling

“Thanks! Ive been doing this shit since like 2017 and i still have no idea how long it takes me. i can get a page done in a day if i have nothing else to do or if its a simple page, but if i have work then maybe 2-3 days? i spend like, most of my free time doing this.“

another drawing of me, now looking frustrated muttering “how the FUCK does time work”

“but i can never do it all on one sitting.i will inevitably get distracted and zone out daydreaming mid drawing so its very hard to get an accurate read on how long it takes. so however long a piece of string is i guess“

the only qustion not from tumblr is a discord message from RuneStone Cabin:

“Q: Can you talk about the incidence of superpowers in this world? Like many people are supers, which powers are more or less common, how long they've been a thing for, stuff like that. Also does Omen know I'd die for them “

theres a drawing of omen pointing at a date circled on a calender marked “decembuary”, theyre saying “i know. i already wrote your death in my calender.”

then a giant wall of text reading: “Supers have only existed for a relativly short time, since the early 1940s. momento mori was the second person to have ever gained powers.

Only a small number of the population are supers! the chances are higher in more populated cities, but unusally london has oneof the higher percentages of supers. while nobody in universe has any idea of the origins of superpowers, it does seem that powers are more likely to occur in people who would actually use their powers.

as for what powers are most common, after making a badly catagorized spreadsheet of every superpowered character ive made for this world (70% of which will probably never even be seen), turns out that elemental powers are the most common. although not all elemental powers manifest as the straight up 'controling this element' as seen in characters like lin or tsunami. for example, iris's powers would fall under shadow elemntal powers, but theyre a lot more weird that just controlling shadows.there are some abilities that have never been seen before,such as ressurection or full on time travel (aka anything that could bring a character back to life), but powers are certainly allowed to toe the line eg healing, powers involving undeath, immortality, pausing or manipulating time.

aside from that, anything goes. you could get plain old superstrength, but you could also get the ability to create dogs with your mind. other not quite rules, more guidelines are that supers are immune to their own powers hurting them (unless they were pushing themselves too hard), although the way the imminuties occur may be inconvinient to the super.

while some powers may be 'more powerful' than others, powers dont really get to be way underpowered or overpowered in comparision to others. sure being able to talk to animals may feel a bit useless compared to someone who can lift 4 tanks at once, but nobodys going to end up with a power like 'can turn into a goose but only once' or 'can grow toenails twice as fast' or 'if i sneeze i can change my hair colour'. at the same time, youre not going to get someone with the power to snap their fingers and level a city, or instantly blow up the moon or whatever.

“Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: I love rami PLEASE tell me his favorite song(s) and why. I will die for you”

a drawing of rami saying out loud “i dont really have any specific favourite song, really? i just listen to whatever sounds catchy and then listen to that on repeat for hours until i hate it. i guess i do like upbeat songs? ones that make you feel happy even if the lyrics are sad”

“ un1c0rnhh said to someone-always-cares: tell me,,, please,, cam,,, are they a cat person or a dog person?? ily"

theres a drawing of cam a metre away from a cat lying down. she has her arm out and is making ‘psspsspss’ noises at it. end id]

FUCK i am so glad i didnt hand write all of that, it would have been a major pain in the ass to write it all and then have to transcribe all that next. but nope i could directly copy paste the asks and word answers. cheers if anyone made it this far down. if anyone wonders why this is uploaded late, you know now.

[clownbeep]

This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing

Big vent/whats been going on

Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...

Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.

For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.

And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.

If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.

By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.

If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.

Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.

I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.

My family didnt care.

When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.

My family didnt care.

I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.

But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.

Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.

I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.

My family did not care.

When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.

My family did not care

When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.

When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....

Is it me being dramatic then?

When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...

Am I a liar now? Am I insane?

When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.

My family didnt care.

When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.

My family didnt care.

Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.

When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)

They did not care.

My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.

My family did not care.

She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.

My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.

My family did not care.

My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.

Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.

All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.

Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.

These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.

Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.

I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.

Gone.

I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..

If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?

Ive layed out basically most of what I remember

A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...

I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..

If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..

I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.

Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.

I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..

Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.

I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.

I

CANT

LEAVE

And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.

I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..

I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..

Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.

Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.

Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.

I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..

If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)

And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..

Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...

Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just

I dont know what to do.

Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...

Im just tired..

[webcricket]

Castiel Imagine

Imagine: Castiel seeking you out for comfort and care after he is badly injured.

The motel’s sagging spring mattress and scratchy sheets don’t exactly provide a cushioned cocoon of slumber which makes the awakening instigated by a hollow pounding on the wooden door thinly shielding the room from the parking lot all the more rude in nature.

Groan vibrating your throat and the general darkened musty atmosphere, you grapple with the pillowcase for possession of the Glock tucked beneath. Hoisting your slumber numb form to the floor - an angrier sleeper even than Dean - you fully intend to flash the weapon at whatever drunk asshole stands beyond the barrier in the hope they piss themselves as divine retribution.

Wherever the Winchester brothers are tonight, you pray it’s quieter as you shuffle toward the origin of the midnight kerfuffle.

The owner of the fist not so gently rap-rap-rapping at the chamber door mumbles your name punctuated by a desperate choke of, “Please.”

Recognizing the gravelly tone as uncannily alike that of a certain angel of the Lord you know and care for profoundly, your brain informs your feet to pick up the pace. Lunging at the knob, fumbling with the chain at the same time, you yank at the door before the metal latch slides free.

Through the narrow crevice into the night, Castiel’s grimacing and pinched features loom; your name once again spills in a pained whisper from his pale lips. His eyes rise to settle on you, a plea for sanctuary swirls in the sea of blue.

“Cas, oh my god-” You mutter, struggling against the worry at his sudden appearance - not to speak of his actual injured appearance - speeding your heart- “hang on!” You manage, barely, to summon willpower enough in panic to close the door in his face in order to properly to liberate the lock.

He stumbles across the threshold; the mass of the man housing the multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent that is Castiel crashes over you like a wave.

Bracing a knee, you bolster his slumping vessel up long enough to pivot sideways to direct his momentum with the addition of spin toward the mattress. He hits the edge backward with a grunt, knees buckling to lay him out backward on the dilapidated double-sized excuse for coziness. Slamming the door hard enough to rattle the hinges, you give the graceful landing a 4 on a scale of 1 to 5, losing a point for the inharmonious protesting squeal of broken springs beneath his bulk.

“What happened?” you ask, quickly crossing closer to flick on the lamp. Sinking down beside him, you prod at the palm he presses tight to his torso. Fresh crimson spatters his shirt.

He resists your efforts to pry his hand aside.

“You’re bleeding,” you admonish. “Let me see.”

“I’m-” he strains, biting his tongue; seized by a jolt of agony - the argument lacks a convincing level of fervor given the judder- “not.” He gasps.

“You are,” you insist. He’s not even pretending to be stoic and that means it’s serious. You once saw him take an axe to the thigh, remove the weapon with a warning glare to hew the head from the shoulders of the offending vampire, and then run down another of the nest in spite of the incapacitated limb. “What happened?” you repeat the question and the demand. “Let me see.”

“Demon,” he grits through clenched teeth, in the same breath allowing the palm to be persuaded to lift; a blinding bolt of blue light blazes from a blood-ringed hole in his ribcage to swath the ceiling in ethereal glory. “Ambush,” he adds in explanation; in retrospect of thought, a husky laugh rattles his chest, squeezes past a painfully forced smile donned for your benefit. “The one who stabbed me, he won’t be sneaking up on anyone, angel or otherwise, again.”

You replace his palm with yours, leaning bodily over him to put pressure on the wound. “You’re bleeding grace.”

Lashes lowering to look at where your fingers splay to cover the break in not just his vessel’s skin, but his angelic being, he bobs his chin. Knowing first hand how much it agonizes you when Sam or Dean gets badly injured, he didn’t want to burden you with seeing him hurt thus, nor did he want to risk putting you in harm’s way. He didn’t have a choice though - doesn’t have a choice; from what vitriol the demon spewed prior to his smiting, the angel and his loved ones are being targeted - and with a wound deep enough to drain grace, he’s vulnerable. He can’t do this alone. He trusts you, and he knows you’re resourceful.

“Cas, what do I do?” You’ve stitched up your share of gaping holes in hunter bodies; hell, in your own flesh, but you haven’t got a clue how to stop a streamer of angelic life-light from illuminating a room.

“I need ... time-” Shock-cold fingers shroud your hand, shiver as he strains to speak- “somewhere safe.” Consciousness beginning to fail, his eyelids hang heavy.

Time you have. Safe you can arrange. “Okay.” You nod. “I understand.” Covering his hand to encourage him to keep pressure on the spot, you slide your fingers free and stand. Stooping, you guide his legs onto the bed and ease him to his side. Carding a caress through his chestnut hair, you cradle his head and fluff a pillow under his neck for support. Fondly smoothing the tousled curls, you move your attention southerly to slip the boots from his feet. Finally, you draw the comforter up over him; bending to tuck the threadbare hem in around his shoulders, you brush your lips in a warm breath of a kiss upon his temple and reiterate the heartfelt promise he has spoken to you so many times before when it was you who needed him. “I’ll watch over you.”

“Thank you,” he garbles the gratitude in blanketing weariness; drifting into the insentient detachment devoid of dreams that characterizes angelic sleep, it’s your reassurance and softly smiling aspect echoing comfortingly in his mind.

Castiel tag list:  (Closed, if you’d like to be removed please let me know!)    @jeepangel  @sammiesamness  @willowing-love  @roxy-davenport  @blueicevalkyrie   @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11  @thesugargalaxy    @bluetina-blog  @dont-trust-humanity  @afanofmanystuffs  @honeybeetrash  @bucky-thorin-winchester  @superwholockz   @tistai  @wordstothewisereaders  @gill-ons  @mrswhozeewhatsis  @marisayouass  @stone-met   @castiel-savvy18  @samualmortgrim  @trexrambling  @magnificent-mantle  @kdfrqqg  @xdifsx  @moon-and-stars-cas  @mandilion76  @rockfairy  @peaceloveancolor  @unicorntrooper  @anisolatedship  @itsilvermorny  @aditimukul  @kudosia  @goofynerd-67babylove  @uninspirationalsonglyrics  @gray-avidan  @mishascupcake   @mishapanicmeow   @praisecastielamen  @roseyhxnt  @jessikared97  @let-the-imaginationflow  @warriorqueen1991   @sebastianstanslefteyebrow   @hisnameisboobear  @kristendanwayne  @fuschiarulerinthebluebox  @coolpencilpie  @jenabean75  @alisonkenway  @luciathewinchestergirl  @morganas-pendragons  @heyitscam99  @fangirl-and-stuff  @selahbela  @realgreglestrade  @splendidcas  @pointlesscasey  @lovelyangelofasgard  @i-larb-spooderman  @thewhiterabbit42  @thelostverse  @castieliswatchingoverme  @beccollie18  @dragonett8  @dixie-chick  @jtownraindancer   @carowinsthings  @passionghost  @sherlockedtash88  @futureparent  @gabbie7-11  @myfandomlife-blog  @dreamerkim  @samael-has-arrived  @shamelesslydean  @earthtokace  @neaeri  @justanormalangel  @lone-loba  @supernaturalymarvel  @lilrubixx  @wings-and-halo  @thehoneybeecastielfollows  @musiclovinchic93  @81mysteriouslyme  @the-bottom-of-the-abyss  @pixiedusts  @spookysculderfiles  @laqueus-ludovicus  @missjenniferb @lexininja  @jessiekay2010   @skrratata  @rhiannonj79  @calicat79

[karmanticmoved]

1-85 uwu

j esus okay

1. describe yourself.

uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?

idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.

3. do you have siblings?

the one thats still alive is my half brother

4. what is your favorite constellation, why?

orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio

5. favorite color.

yellow, pink, or blue.

6. what kind of music do you listen to?

almost anything. whatever catches my interest.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)

forgot what i said last time but those

yellow carnations i think?

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?

maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk

9. favorite childhood memory.

my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.

10. have you ever been cheated on?

i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?

big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.

12. favorite animal.

river otter

13. what was the last photo you took of?

cat

14. do you believe in soul mates?

i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?

over is the one thats socially acceptable right

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.

idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.

18. guilty pressures?

im assuming thats meant to be pleasures

umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t

20. something most people don’t know about you.

i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.

not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?

grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.

22. do you believe aliens exist?

sure.

23. what was your last google search?

other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things

24. what did your last relationship teach you?

the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.

25. would you relocate for love?

honestly yeah

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?

both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.

27. favorite book.

favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta

favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?

introvert by far

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?

i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts

30. top 5 favorite movies.

in no particular order

little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

no

32. what is your greatest fear?

definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

im baby

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.

im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing

35. do you believe in ghosts?

not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?

idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!

37. should you split the dinner bill?

i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.

38. are you a good liar?

most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so

39. what keeps you up at night?

depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?

music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends

41. do you believe in god?

what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.

no. i don't.

42. how do you relax when frustrated?

cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper

43. what’s something that offends you?

when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway

44. favorite food

i hate myself whenever i eat food

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee

46. when do you feel the most confident?

never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.

47. what do you do in your free time?

sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.

50. did/do you play sports in school?

i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.

51. when are you happiest?

talkin 2 jay prolly

52. coffee or tea?

tea

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me

55. what is your favorite season, why?

fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.

56. what makes you laugh?

stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn

57. are you a clean or messy person?

a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

communication communication communicati

talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.

59. what was your upcoming like?

if thats supposed to be upbringing

idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.

60. favorite holiday?

any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty

63. favorite outdoor activity.

frisbee

64. how are you? honestly.

not great. i want highschool to end.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.

67. favorite type of candy?

none

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

i can and will do arson, an autobiography

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?

i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?

im mostly the one having the weird conversations

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides

74. what do you like to cook?

whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

really pretty tropical fish

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

heart at first but my head if things get bad

78. what is your favorite quote?

"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"

or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.

this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao

80. what’s your love language?

sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.

81. do you ever feel alone?

oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks

82. ever been bullied?

yeah

83. are you usually early or late?

late bc of my parents rip

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

drawing, or writing. also theater.

85. what do you wish you knew more about?

i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.

id like to know more about forensics tho

[readbythestarlight]

c2e24 reactions

Sam’s rejected ads

“All over my Emmet Smith commemorative snuggle!”

“IT’S A TROY AIKMEN SNUGGIE!!!”

SAM THAT SONG ROUGH DRAFT WASN’T FUNNY omg

I like how Sam’s ads are clearly 90% to make his friends die of laughter and 10% to actually promote D&D Beyond

Not immediately knowing that Jester was drawing a dick with her sparkler smh

Fjord seems really not sure about this town and I love it

Marisha/Beau meanwhile is really into it

I like how Fjord, the shiftiest fuck in the group, is concerned about other people being shifty fucks

I MISS YOU ASHLEY SOMEONE BUY YASHA A FLOWER NECKLACE

Beau just bought so many explosives

BEAU BUY FLOWERS FOR YASHA

the flower vendor’s voice I’m crying omg

omg they’re gonna explode the firecrackers with firebolts in the street these nerds

They are all so giggly tonight I love them

Oooo here we go Jester on the piano

“I’m going to sit down and try to play Chopsticks” I knew it xD

“blamblamblamblamblAMBLAMBLAMBLAM”

Beau and Molly with their charisma flops

“I like you, you’re colorful.” Molly flirting with the innkeeper is giving me life

Oh god drinking contest later

Fjord is regretting sharing rooms with Molly now lol

They are being SO GOOFY tonight I’m living

Aww they ended up with a sad babby outcast gnome

Molly stepping in like a total dad

MOLLY HAS THE WORST CHARISMA AND INTIMIDATION

oh fuck this gnome punk flicked him off

omg Molly blood maledict?? ….actually since it won’t hurt him he probably deserved it.

GUYS OMG

So is tiny gnome chick’s name Reesa?

Beau continues to prove that she is the ultimate disaster lesbian

Nott and Jester choreographing a dance oh boy

TEAM DRINKING COMPETITION OMG

DONT. FUCKING. LEAVE. KIRI.

sure Nott let’s pay a working woman to babysit your baby bird

YA’LL. DON’T.

Oh right just have Yasha babysit Kiri that’s using your noggin there Molly

The innkeeper flirting with both Molly and Fjord

IM

CRYING

Fjord is so awkward

“She’s small, I can hold her down” Matt that was perfect and the most in-character way you could have played Yasha

Please stay safe Kiri my baby bird daughter child light of my life

OH DAMN JESTER

Jester being jealous trying to be catty with the innkeeper

B: “Did you just put a hooker on layaway?”

F: “Did you just say I’d had sex with your mom??”

J: “Yeah as soon as I said it I realized it sounded really creepy.”

Insight checking to find out if Fjord is a virgin omg

Caleb back to looking for bookstores that’s my boy

Molly please tell me you’re getting flowers for Yasha

Ah frick Nott you should be more careful please

Aw Nott don’t be sad :(((((

I’m glad Beau is trying to reassure her about not feeling bad about herself

Ooooo some Beau backstory

lol Beau was a bootlegger juvenile delinquent I love her even more

Holy shit her dad paid the monks to abduct her no wonder she has issues with authority

Jester is basically offering Fjord free sex at this point she wants him real bad

Meanwhile Travis is dying

Yoooo my boy found his bookstore

They’re closed, of course. But he can go back in the morning.

SOMEBODY BUY YASHA A PRETTY SILK FLOWER THING DAMMIT PLEASE

Matt’s little girl voices are the fucking cutest things help me

Jester setting up a playdate for Kiri I’m not crying you are

Tara is the cutest baby gnome child ever

Save a flower for Yasha please I’m literally begging

Caleb encouraging Nott to dance my heart

The Wand of Smiles thing kills me every time they use it

Matt is having WAY too much fun playing this innkeeper dwarf

30 gold just to get blackout drunk my god

Caleb needs to blackout he’s probably a lightweight

Oh damn wait Jester should probably

If anyone wins this for them it will be Nott she’s practically always drunk already

Aw poor Jester

Matt stop with all these adorable bird and gnome children I want to adopt them all

NOTT’S GONNA USE THE DAILY LUCK smart girl

SCOREBOARD TIME Molly’s round: Molly: loses, wins, wins, wins Duncan: wins, loses, loses, loses MOLLY WINS and he’s drunk as fuck Beau’s round: Beau: TIE, wins, loses, wins, loses, loses Ruth: TIE, loses, wins, loses, wins, wins Beau loses… and pukes. Ew. Caleb’s round (oh boy…): Caleb: WINS, loses, loses, wins!, WINS!!! Valkin: loses, wins, wins, loses, loses (Nott and Jester distraction dance) CALEB WINS WITH A NAT20 HEEEELLL YEAH THAT’S MY SON THAT’S MY BOY Fjord’s round: Fjord: wins, loses, WINS!, WINS! Tanya: loses, wins, loses (loooool fjord flirting with his competitor) (Jester plz stop you’re gonna make Caleb puke) FJORD WINS WITH DOUBLE NAT20s OMG!! oh no don’t do it double or nothing please oh god they’re gonna do it here we go Nott’s round (please kick his ass Nott plz): Nott “Otto The Bottomless Pit”: wins, wins!, loses, WINS!!!!!!!!!! Blemy “The Whale”:  loses, loses, wins, loses (making herself look gross lol. And using mage hand to pour. Jester trying to bless him.) NOTT WINS HEEEELLLL YEAH

I really thought they were all gonna lose omg

oh no

oh thank god he passed out before he could out her as a goblin

WOOOO FREE DRINKS

Please go to bed everyone

“The mighty nein, the mighty nein, the mightiest nein to ever neeeiiiinnn”

There’s a lot of love between this group right now. They just need to be wasted to show how much they like each other lol

Awww Jester and Caleb waltzing that’s cute

Molly and Nott join in and suddenly its a dance party

OH SHIT CALEB SAID SHIT HE SHOULDN’T HAVE SAID I’m crying he was into Astrid and now he’s sad

And Jester gets him into bed I CRY

I didn’t need Caleb feelings WHY

Wait what is Molly doing?

Ah blood magic stuff

I’m beginning to expect that Taliesin is drunk irl

MOLLY OMG THAT’S DISGUSTING

Matt’s just like “no, no, we’re not doing that no” he’s a total dad

BEAU GOT PICKPOCKETED

she lost 300 gold wtf

who was close to her I can’t even think of who it might have been

THEY HAVE ALL BEEN PICKPOCKETED

OH MY GOD

NOTT, MOLLY, FJORD, CALEB, AND BEAU HAVE ALL BEEN ROBBED

that’s bad

The only inconspicuous figure I can think of is the little girl but I mean…

Are they gonna accuse the little gnome girl omg you guys I wasn’t serious

Whatever happened to Reesa/Risa?

Oh there she is

JESTER DO NOT

Hnnn they gotta learn not to cast the spells so casually on people it’s gonna come back to bite them in the ass

Awww buying Kiri a cute little music box

Repeating crossbow aw damn Nott’s gonna want it real badly

ENCHANTED repeating crossbow

“The Tinkertop Bolt Blaster 1000”

two thousand gold i choked

REESA BE NICE TO YOUR ADORABLE DAD

Reesa and her dad are adorable I like them

Casting suggest sure let’s just cast more spells on random people smh

You made Fitz cry you guys and you’re probably gonna get them fires it’s not their fault you were dumb enough to get robbed this is a dick move I’m with Jester y’all are taking it too far

Okay good at least now they won’t get fired

OH OH OH THEY GOT A BLIP CHASE IT

god please protect kiri she only has 6hp guys please

IT WAS THE KID OMG

Molly’s about to give him all his gold look at his face

Or Beau will give them gold and Molly will give them advice on how to steal and not get caught stealing xD

…Fjord are you seriously planning a jailbreak right now

Do you even know anything about the prison

Nott is like “the solution is obvious we just adopt them like we adopted Kiri it’ll be great it’ll be fine”

…Fjord that’s soft and sweet I hate you because I can’t decided whether I love you or not

Nott playing on Beau’s backstory to try and prompt her to help find the kid’s parents

“leaving them as cold heartless resting bitches” xD

FJORD KEEPS BEING NICE AND IM. JUST. I WANNA JUST KEEP PICTURING YOU AS A SHIFTY FUCK STOP BEING SO NICE

Also yeah listen Fjord grew up in an orphanage

aw Fjord…

Caleb’s a little salty about this but Caleb come on they’re kids

I can’t believe they’re gonna try to pull off a jailbreak

Leave Kiri with these kids yes and now Matt I beg you do NOT, do NOT let her get dragged away please I beg you

Matt’s ability to perfectly mimic Fjord/Travis is amazing

MAN THIS WAS POSSIBLY THE BEST EPISODE? I loved it. I was laughing so hard for all the first half. Fantastic job @the cast

[nabilfekir]

below is a long ass paris saint-germain post-ucl thoughts essay

to start.....im not even mad that we’re out....im mad that they didn’t even fucking try. after the first leg (in which the same old story of “we crumbled” plays on), they all came out on social media asking for supporters to be there on march 6th and the supporters were there, the supporters showed up.....but where the fuck were they? where the fuck was the team??? they asked for our support, we gave it and what did they give us in return? the same old bullshit we get every year. i didn’t see “warriors” on that pitch. i saw a bunch of pussyholes and cowards (excuse my language). 

the only players i give credit to are areola and thiago silva, the rest were shocking. i’m so fucking disappointed to be honest. they all cried out on instagram for supporters not to give up and then they go and visibly give up on the pitch, give up on the biggest stage in club football for everyone to watch. fucking shameful. even if we don’t go through at least WIN the game at home, or even at least give it your fucking all to the 90th minute plus stoppage time. that’s the least we ask of them.

now key parts of our team will be looking for the exit door in the summer and they’ll think they weren’t the problem but this was a loss they all participated in as a team...everyone on that pitch but areola n o monstro. the rest of the team all has to eat a big ass piece of that L pie. they don’t get to think they’re better than this team bc absolutely none of them proved that on the pitch. the exit door is open for those who want to leave - marco i love u but every summer its the same shit with rumors and this past summer u crossed a line so if you want to leave bye see ya bc i’ve had enough. draxler can go too, him and his fans like to think he’s better than the team but i can count on one hand the amount of good games he’s had this season when we give him the chance to prove himself. if neymar wants to go m*drid please do, i’d love to have the spotlight off of us but know they’ll have to pay 444m aka double we paid for him lmao fuck yall if you think you’re gonna get his ass at any price less than wtf we paid for him bet on that. idc to keep him against his will but we’re sure as hell not gonna record a 222m loss so if they want him, pay up. rabiot can go too, if he wants to go to the prem then let him, he’s also been hinting at thinking he’s too good for us and he’s free to go and prove that somewhere else. cavani looks like his foot is out the door and his service to this club was greatly appreciated but since he broke ibra’s record he’s looked distracted and disinterested and he’s been in the media saying he wants to win the copa lib so let him go back to argentina if thats what he wants. let timothy weah work his way into this team and see if he can be a good striker for us.

on that topic......i am desperate for us to use our academy better. as most big european clubs, the path from academy to first team has gotten harder to follow but i don’t want that for us. i don’t want us to be ch*lsea loaning out or our youth like cattle to make us money or whatever and never giving them a shot at the first team but then they go somewhere else become a star and we sit there looking like idiots. if they’re good, give them a shot, especially if we wrap up the league soon, why not give some of them a TRY at the very least? 20-15 minutes at the end of a game at least? we only used tim weah bc we were trying to rest for real m*drid, otherwise it never would’ve happened. how long has nkunku been in the squad but he still mostly comes on as a sub in the 80th minute, and kimpembe needs to start being utilized more before he decides to leave because thiago at this point must be eyeing retirement. presnel is an amazing player and has psg in his blood and would fight for the shirt and this team more than any player on that pitch. we need to start making better use of our academy period point blank. our youth team captain yacine adli is being eyed up by clubs like m*n city b*yern b*rcelona ars*nal but hasn’t gotten a single look in with us and tbh i think he’ll probably leave and that will be another talented prospect leaving our academy without having played for us. and watch he becomes a great midfielder meanwhile we pay out our ass to buy one from some club.

anyone who wants to leave the team, let them. anyone who thinks they’re better than the team, sell them. let’s give our titis parisiens a shot in this team and keep a low profile, i’m tired of making a public entertainment show of ourselves for everyone to keep an eye on, we bring too much attention to ourselves and that heightens everyone’s expectations for us in the ucl, which we’re destined to fall short of.

the coach........lord have mercy we need this man gone in the summer. we have to bring in a coach with champions league experience if we’re really trying to build a project to win it. it was stupid to keep him on after last year anyway with having been embarrassed in the ucl and on top of that come second in the league. i’m still baffled how nasser let that happen. and even more stupid was to think a coach who won the europa league a couple of times could give us glory in a competition at a much higher level than that. he’s a europa league manager and that’s his level and will always be his level, it’s time to let him go. he’s fallen below expectations way too many times. get a manager with ucl experience either winning it or at least having been to a final, a manager with a personality and tenacity and fight to give this team a better mentality.

our biggest problem is that our mentality is weak as shit. we have a team capable of getting far in the ucl - strong players, technical players, talented players! - but our mentality when the going gets rough or when there’s a little bit of pressure???? disgraceful and disgusting and embarrassing. i’d back a ligue 2 team to beat us if they really fought for it, the same way rc strasbourg beat us earlier in the season, the same way ly*n beat us earlier this year, the same way m*rseille was a free kick in the last second away from beating us for the first time in 6 years back in october. when a team fights with actual passion and fight....we crumble....and badly, they don’t even have to play well but play with strength and the will the win. its so sad to watch honestly. it’s literally our weakness.

we’re a good team. we went out to a better team. i knew we were out as soon as the draw happened. i knew we weren’t getting past them, despite all the m*drid fans being fucking dramatic about it. the back to back ucl winners? it doesn’t matter what kind of form they’re in, they were going to beat us. there was no question of it, as if it their team wasn’t going to show up on the biggest stage? when they have nothing else but the ucl to fight for? it was never going to be easy and we got knocked out by the literal title holders. we didn’t get an easy draw, or even a moderate one, in fact we got probably the hardest draw, i dont care what m*drid fans or anyone else has to say about that.

but again....it’s not about the fact that we got knocked out - we got knocked out by the current uefa champions league champions! that’s nothing to be embarrassed of - but it’s HOW we got knocked out, thats the embarrassing part. no fight no passion no goddamn BALLS. when it was time to stand up and be counted and show we’re more than a “money team”.....we didn’t. any criticism that comes our way now, we invited upon ourselves. we didn’t need to buy neymar to win the champions league lmao, that wasn’t the solution whatsoever.

our team last year but with a fighting spirit would be better than our current team this year (with neymar) but with our weak mentality.

if we had fighting spirit and passion and the willingness to get dirty and play hard and fight for our lives on THIS VERY DAY last year against uefalona, we might have made it through then, we wouldn’t have won it, but at least gotten through to the next round despite the ref’s utter bullshit.

anyway i’m not even hurt about the game anymore. i’m more worried about how this will affect our season, but even more so i’m worried about what will happen to us in the summer when verratti, rabiot, cavani and more will be wanting to leave.

at this point this team HAS AND I MEAN HAS to do a domestic treble (EDIT: it would be a quadruple i guess cuz we won the trophée de champions at the beginning of the season against m*naco).....like anything less is a big fat fucking failure of a season. the cup final against m*naco.....i mean now i’m worried that if m*naco turn up and really fight for it, we’re probably still going to be licking our wounds from this match and lose. and i really need us to beat them for mbappé’s sake lmao.

anyway this team truly disrespected the fans that night (again! second year in a row!) and i’m hurt and fuck the champions league fuck both teams from that night and fuck emery.

[ashavant]

The American University System: Oppressing the non-elite.

So let me get this straight...in the 70's there was a community outcry to lower the amount of tax money that got put towards college tuition for future generations? American tax payers used to cover over 70% of college costs, allowing the young students straight out of highschool the ability to work a minimum wage summer job to literally pay their entire tuition. Those with part time jobs while in school were not very common. This allowed for an ability to succeed without the unnecessary baggage of financial stress and lack of sleep at 18 years old while taking 14+ credits, which for those of you who dont know is a true 40-60 hour work week alone. All of this hard work and achievement paved the way for these kids to enter adulthood as educated, debt free, and with the world at their fingertips. Not to mention, they had the incredible privilege of not having to become a self sufficient adult in the middle of the worst economic crisis since the depression...

Compare that romantic reality to our drastically different reality today. I will use my experiences as an example for this, while probably on the extreme spectrum of experiences, they are valid and carry merit nonetheless. I was always told as a child, "you have to go to college, its not an option" Yet, when i graduated highschool, my parents grew quiet. I grew up in a 5 person household in Orange County, CA (one of the most expensive places to live in the country) in a family who made roughly $40k a year, give or take (thats poverty folx). My step-father was an electrical contractor so income was often spuratic. Anyway, needless to say they had not one penny saved for my college tuition. My parents failed to put a single penny aside for anything regarding my well-being honestly. With no car, no money, no job, and no idea when or how I could recieve a college education, I was kicked out of my parents at 17 years old with nowhere to go. I couch surfed and was able to get a couple jobs, one at a crafts store and one at a sandwhich shop. After 2 long years of working my way out of homelessness, all I wanted was to start college! So, at age 19 I applied for financial aid. However, I was told because I was under 25 I needed my parents tax information. Well, my parents never filed on time and were incredible dodgy with communication. So, after months of going back and forth I ended up paying out of pocket for a full time coarse load at a community college. I was able to work my jobs and pay this, but with nothing left over for rent or food. I ended up getting kicked out of my place, had to apply for foodstamps, and had to start over from square one. Little did I know I would have to wait 5 years before I could finally give college another shot.

I had almost given up the idea of higher education. I was making good money in the food industry at this point and had a nice company car and a great home with an awesome roommate. But then, I met a boy. We traveled the country for three months with his bluegrass band and saw 32 states. Afterwards, we again found ourselves broke and homeless. We hunkered down, worked 80+ hour weeks, saved up, and moved to Portland Oregon, "where young people go to retire". Little did we know, retire would be the LAST thing we did when we got there. Cost of living was rising in Portland, but still nothing compared to Orange County, CA. We got good food jobs and nested for about a year. My boyfriend (we will call him N) got great grades in highschool and high test scores in his exit exams, so in 2014 he chose to get back into school as a Music Composition Major at age 26. His journey is a whole other terrible story. I wanted to return to school so badly, but knew I had to wait until I was old enough to not warrant my parents tax info. Finally, at age 24 I filed my FAFSA and went to a career counselor. I was directed in the career of Civil Engineering. Having no prior knowledge of this career or topic, I dove in blindly headfirst. I chose a community college due to the fact that I barely finished highschool and did not take ant exit exams. To my surprise, I did very well in my college settings. After one year I was able to transfer to a university! Me! I WAS GOING TO A UNIVERSITY! I could not believe it, and was soo excited. I had no clue how hard this would be, not the work, but just surviving through it. I should mention here that I have a mild dissability. I have endometriosis which is a chronic illness linked to hormones, ovarian cysts, and all that jazz which can result in disabling pain and in my case an emergency surgery from time to time. I also suffer from a mild form of PTSD. So, with those alone handling high stress loads can be very hard on my mental and physical well being.

Ok, so I was a 24 year old first generation college student (first person in my family to go to college) disabled lower class person wanting a higher education. Seems logical right? Well, once I got accepted to the university, I chose to change my major to Architecture, I had taken an intro class for general ed and fell inlove. My beginning of my first year was great! Lots of lectures and reading. Aside from my tuition multiplying literally 3x from my community college tuition which did not affect my financial aid disbursement, I was fairly stress free. Now keep in mind, my partner and I are both working 20-30 hour weeks to make ends meet while taking 12-14 credits. Its basically having 2 full time jobs. Anyway, the last term of my first year came around-my first studio class. I was so excited! Time to actually do architecture! I got the syllabus and was told was supplies were needed to be successful in the class. I was also told that doing all of the requirements for the assignment would result in a C grade, if any grade above that was desired extra work had to be put in. I thought, no biggie, bring it on. The next thing she said was, "absolutely no sleeping in the studio!" Thats when I had a feeling I was gonna be in trouble. After class I went to the art store got my supplies. I almost started crying as they read my total to me: "$682.80, please." And that was with my student discount and not including all of the future supplies I would need just for that term, which I will tell you now after all the drawings and models ended up being about $2,000. That is a whole lot. These studio classes also require many all-nighters just to have enough time to complete the assignments. Many times, due to having to work outside of school I could not complete my assignments or had to do them with less craft and care than I would like just to turn it in. This year, I recieved less in financial aid, my rent has gone up significantly, tuition went up, and there are new grade requirements: if you get anything less than a B-, youre immediately dropped from the school of Architecture. So, not completing assignments isnt an option anymore. This last term costed my much less money, but once I told my instructor I was out of money, his response was, "well, this is Architecture school." What the fuck am I supposed to do with that!? A roll of Velum (drafting design paper) costs $50-$70 pencils are $2 a piece, models cost like $100 each, the list of tools go on and on. I am already paying $10k a year for tuition, ensuring at the very least $70k of debt including my masters degree which you need to get your Architecture license. And at least $100k with the $500 a month I need to borrow a month for rent. I should not need to add thousands more of that for supplies my school should be providing. And this insane pressure of pulling all nighters to get done the amount of assignments it would take us to do in a whole week last term in 2 days!

The moral of this very long story is that college is not meant for those of us trying to climb the life ladder. Its meant for the already elite. Its meant for kids right out of highschool with parents who make enough money to pay their tuition, their rent, their whole lives! Meant for kids who travel to Europe for the summer instead of working 60 hours a week to make up for the money lost during school cuz you physically cannot work more than 25 hours. Its meant for kids who can call their mommies and complain about how mean their teacher is, not for those of us who cry every night about being afraid of ending up back on the streets in the snap of a finger. Its meant for kids who can work and think about school all day every day, not those of us preoccupied with being able to pay all of our bills and being able to afford food and health insurance.

HOWEVER, even if you are like me, worse, or better, YOU CAN DO IT! I have a damn 3.7 GPA. I may only get 3 hours of sleep a lot, cry almost weekly, probably have lost years of my life due to stress, and feel scared for my health, but shit IM FUCKING DOOOOIN IT! Even though our government, or school presidents, and pretty much everyone in power disagrees, you are so worth it and you are so capable of success no matter how much harder you have to work than everyone else. Because we have to work so much harder now, we will get to party that much harder when we make it. I WILL GRADUATE IN SPITE OF THE SYSTEM! I WILL SUCCEED IN SPITE OF THE SYSTEM! I WILL CHANGE THE FUCKING WORLD CUZ I AM A BADASS AND CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PRIVELEDGED FUCKS CAN DO, JUST BETTER!