#i want to do something i want to buy things why wont anyone let me have a fucking job please

[its-cartooncrazy]

God I'm fucking. Tired of this.

[lundenloves]

bro ik simon buys his daughter some silly ass shit on missions😭 like he will buy her a mug ( a mug, FOR A BABY. ) titled: "worlds best daughter and dad duo" .. wont even let the reader hold their kid as long as hes some n shit.. just pls dad!simon hcs PLS

you ask and you shall receive anon. here are the current thoughts swooshing around in my messy brain right now. 🪄

dad!simon masterlist | hc 2

my god definitely tho.

He’s the definition of girldad. To a T. Like, when she’s younger and he’s still new to the whole thing it’s all scary but once he’s past that and realises it’s literally just a tiny person. It’s over for everyone around him.

That little girl is worth crushing skulls for fr.

Waking up in the middle of the night to baby cries was something he took in stride. The first few times definitely scared the shit out of him and he wanted to wake you up. But then again, realising that it was just a tiny person. He would get up and probably fall asleep on the sofa with her instead of taking her back to the cot.

Not that he would admit it but he felt way more relaxed with her sleeping on his chest.

Shirtless.

SKIN. TO. SKIN.

When she gets older, she starts asking questions about him and his job and all the ‘why’ follow ups. We’re talking ages 7-9 here.

“Why wear skull stuff if you’re called Ghost?”

“It’s a callsign.”

“What’s a callsign?”

“A nickname.”

“Why?”

Literally his mini-me though. She follows him everywhere. All around the house, upstairs downstairs, outside inside. EVERYWHERE. He never grows tired of it though. Always entertaining the questions.

“Do you have a name?”

“Yes. I have a name.”

Then telling her it and she goes onto call him Simon for three days straight before moving onto another source of entertainment.

She draws pictures of 141. Penning a little version of herself in the middle of the men, a big arrow pointing to each of them labelled by their names spelt wrong. Sop. Pris.

Soap draws pictures back stfu.

Definitely the type of relationship with his daughter where they’re close until she becomes interested in boys and her dad is suddenly embarrassing lmaoooo.

Johnny is actually the embarrassing uncle.

Her first boyfriend my days.

I know by this point, he has another daughter. No one can convince me otherwise. He has a minimum of two.

“She’s gonna see her boyfriend.” The younger one would sing and Simon is right onto that shit. Dad stance n’ all.

“What age is he?” First question.

“Dad.”

LeaveTheDoorOpen™️

His kids don’t actually know what he works as. It’s like, no one knows exactly what their dad does. SAS shit or smth.

For forms, he just waves a hand of dismissal and is like, “Just say i’m in the army.”

“Are you in the army?”

“No.” this mf

Having two daughters definitely be teaching him a lot. Like periods. He never took them seriously until he was being barked at for the seventeenth time in one day, deciding in that moment to understand.

Also the designated bag holder and credit card user on shopping trips.

Dilf.

this is short but i’m writing a huge smut for him rn don’t tell anyone. you. yes, you.

taglist? click this link to complete the form.

[daraku-ou]

ok ok i wanna talk about this at length and not on twitter where i can say like three sentences but i think a lot about how femt will sit around and say how humanity is just awful and disgusting but theres SO many times he seems to be rooting for them. like here how he Let Leo Go. he just let him leave. "he said he didnt wanna play so yknow. He Left." and he yells about how Of Course Hes Not Gonna Kill Leo. leo was so important to stopping the second collapse and femt just let him leave and then when he explained this to despair who is like Dude Why Didnt You Kill Him Or Leave Him There femt seems to be pretty genuinely concerned about despairs wellbeing and. general depression.

then there's in the ova where it's most obvious. hes running around trying to stop this restaurant from being destroyed which Just So Happens to have libra in it. tells leo to forget he was ever there. "i dont need a reason to help them out" femt i am shaking u

and THEN !!! theres curious. curious is fascinating to me for several reasons but i think its really interesting that femt seemingly shows up for no other reason than to Get Curious. wants to take him home for whatever reasons (i have thoughts on this but its too much so maybe another post). but then they immediately start fighting and it really seems like femt is just trying to keep curious preoccupied, buying time for libra to do something. he doesn't really have any reason to get into a petty fight with curious. then when curious is about to attack steven and klaus, femt IMMEDIATELY gets eve and odd to attack him which leaves them in pieces, ultimately ending up letting steven klaus and chain get the upper hand. and then femt just Leaves.

AND THE CALAMITY AUCTION !!! my favorite femt scene. pretends to be the president to break klaus out of jail as hes the only one who can really do anything about whats going on. and later when hes revealed to be the "president" klaus is surprised that someone like femt would even bother to get involved, cuz why WOULD he get involved?? hes constantly saying how worthless humanity is but here he is, actively trying to help. this pisses femt off who attacks briefly but just. Leaves. Again. destroys all the cameras in the room too. god forbid he be seen trying to help out a bad situation

which brings me to the light novel!! as i've said i've been translating it and theres a lot of interesting things. femt talks about how he feels extremely isolated from humanity and when people try to get information from him he just cant understand why they would ever want to be him or have what he has, cuz he clearly has..... Lots Of Issues! it's almost like he's so worried about what will happen to humanity if he isn't there to save them or on the other side of that he has to keep. testing humanity or something. he puts them through his games but even libra admits that theres a line he wont cross. they prefer to deal with him over Other Threats because while hes mass murdering lunatic he still wont. you know. Kill Everyone. unlike curious. i think femt and curious are being set up as foils and i have lots of thoughts on this but theres just too much to say about those two...

tldr i think femt cares a lot more about those around him than he would ever let anyone know. yeah he'll murder hundreds of people but the second hes faced with someone in person that he cant just pretend is part of this vague crude idea of humanity he has in his head its like something clicks in his brain that this is a Real Person and now he suddenly cares. he seems to have this recurring idea of humanity killing themselves or being unable to save themselves which leads him to Extreme Violence and when he helps its like he doesnt want to admit that he cares in some way. hes constantly distancing himself from everyone and i think he should go to therapy <3

[39472034658449305249465224devils]

ok ok im done for tonight i swear

one of the worst things about tumblr anti-japanese racism is how many people are like "im helping" but they are not helping at all. like people will be like "ugh it sucks when people are racist and also when they like japanese food because its actually not good and the stuff they like is stupid to enjoy and makes them look worse as people (food they listed is just. normal food. actually literally common chain store food.) and all the cultural exports are stupid and-" like YOU ARE ALSO BEING RACIST. the issue stems from people treating a real place and people and culture etc as a theme park or something- but someone liking ramen and rice balls and tonkatsu is not killing anyone. that is literally common restaurant food. its fine. they SHOULD visit japan and buy normal food and eat normal food in normal restaurants. also funny to me that so often the "real japanese food" that gets offered is like. old people food that the average person under the age of like 50 does not really eat on average? i eat like an old person somewhat often so like it doesnt really apply to me but like it also still feels racist to be like "sushi is a fake japanese food to like you poser why dont you eat squid guts" like okay the average person is still not necessarily eating this for lunch. lots of people eat instant noodles, lots of people visit noodle shops, its actually also super racist to imply they exist FOR FORIGNERS. they are not popular for British tourists. animated tv shows do not add cameos of cup noodles for American fans. its fine, its literally fine. that entitlement is literally the exact problem. and its way less racist for someone to just like dango and soba and acknowledge its japanese than for there to be someone who wont stop screaming about how its too 'weebish' to like them. ITS FOOD. natto could become a trend overnight and people would start moaning about how its now weeb food. food that shows up in anime a lot and thus becomes recognizable to people who watch it... are in anime because PEOPLE EAT IT. OFTEN ENOUGH TO BE JUST... IN A TV SHOW. also, youre usually just yelling at someone to eat vegetables when they normally dont eat vegetables anways let alone pickled ones.

like, people who eat a lot of instant noodles and thats the extent of their japanese food they can eat, and they claim ti like Japanese food are probably just stranded in FuckAll Kansas USA and broke so they buy maruchan. im always saying that people generally who actually have a passion would LIKE to learn more, they WANT to try more and stuff. theyre just usually stranded culturally so their only easy source for anything ends up being anime or pinterest or something.

[matthewmurdockswife]

Nick comforting you after a tough exam grade 💙🩵 (pls, I need this)

Just if you want, btw, love your blog, and work, and everything in general!! 💖

THE WAY IT ALL GOES

Nick Sturniolo x Reader Platonic

Tw: swearing, negative self talk kinda

It had been hard, You work with the triplets helping edit and when you joined university they offered to take over for a while. But you convinced them you could handle it, you had convinced yourself too. You were managing at first you had a schedule you would edit from 4-6 and then do homework or study whatever you had to do. But the work started piling up when youd finish editing there was no time to study and when you studied there was no time to edit and the threads were running thin.

“Shes been moping all day chris I know something is wrong” Nick complained to his brother “ Shes probably tired Nick just let her be”

Nick always knew you better than anyone else had he always picked up on minuscule mood changes really all the small details and its part of why you appreciated him so much so him ignoring chris advice and coming to check on you anyways wasnt a big suprise to anyone.

“Heyyy kiddo” he opened the door holding a bunch of your favourite candies and a pepsi “whats wrong” you went to open your mouth but nick cut you off “Dont lie to me I know there’s something”you sighed and unzipped your bag and pulled out The test the one you failed the one you couldnt do good enough on because you were busy. Nick sighed he set the test down and held my shoulder “I know you said you can do both and I believe you, But maybe we should focus on one, school is a lot and its going to take extra effort and time that you wont have if you’re working kid” “I dont want to freeload” he only laughed “freeload? You paid for half of this house im not sure how you’d think you’re freeloading. Y/N you do above and beyond for the three of us. You were the only one who looked after chris while he was sick. And then matt when chris gave it to him, you buy all the groceries and you always buy our favourite things even when we dont ask for them, You look out for us you take care of us and you’re always there to talk to when we need someone. You’re one of the greatest people we’ve ever met so no you’re not freeloading when you slow down to focus on school” Nick was always great at comforting he always made me feel safe and loved “ But nick i dont feel complete look at that grade” he didn’t even need to look at the paper he took my face in his hands “I dont care what any piece of paper says, No grade will define you. I love you girl and Some stupid ass little quiz wont change that” i smile softly at Nick “ I love you too” “so you promise to slow down?” He always made me laugh even if it wasn’t something particularly funny nick always found a way to make people laugh “I promise” “Good now lets go terrorize matt to take us to macdonalds”

My next grade I got back was a 96% the boys took me out to get mcflurries. I always knew that they all had my back but Nick always looked put for me in a special way, and I would forever remember the love he gave me.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// A/N

yall im tired its like 6 Am and i wanna sleep so i did not edit this im sorry pookies 🫵😔

taglist

@dwntwn-strnlo

@fenoy7

@stvrni0lo

[despairing-disaster]

Yaknow, sometimes I think abt ch2ep3 when Teruko and Eden were talking and Eden explained why she chooses to look on the bright side because it is genuinely, unirionically, the first time anyone explained optimism in a way that didn't make me want to puke. Like, so much of the reason I love and relate to Teruko is because I can lean kind of cynical. What can go wrong will go wrong, most people can't be trusted, being too kind gets you taken advantage of, and other things I don't say out loud because I simply don't care to argue with people who wont change my mind and will just think I'm an asshole for saying it. I think what I think and the times I have let my guard down were consistently the times everything went to shit, so of course I'm not gonna have faith in things getting better. For the longest time, I viewed optimism as something completely divorced from reality. I thought that you'd either have to be stupid or actively trying to sell something to buy into or preach that shit and any time someone got up and talked about looking on the bright side or having hope, my eyes glazed over.

So there's something to be said about a fictional character doing for me what no person I have ever met irl has. There's something to be said for the fact that Eden Tobisa was the person to make me reconsider why people are optimists and give me the perspective to actually understand that worldview.

[urmomluvbot]

i just read a little life and here's a messy review of the book by saying my opinion on people's takes on it

[THERE WILL BE SPOILERS] also dont expect this to be professional etc

i want to start off by saying that this book is like willem's movie "life after death"; either people absolutely loved it or people hated it. and i fucking love this. would i be rereading it? probably not. but would i think of jude for the rest of my days? yes.

the thing i keep reading about from the people who didnt like it is that a) it's a trauma porn, b.) it's lengthy with various of unnecessary parts, and c.) its just a sad book with a sad ending.

something that i dont really understand is people's need and urge and want to always, always read a book expecting a happy ending. ("and books lied, they made things prettier"). spoiler alert: life isnt like that! its ugly and u cant always run away from its ugliness, no matter how hard you try. no matter how hard jude tried. and i always had this hunch, when i was first reading it, that it wont end the way i'll like it, but still i hope and hope and hoped for jude and for all of them, and thats just the Human part of me. my in denial.

as someone who struggled from mental health, i actually guiltily thought in the middle of the book, "why hasnt he k!lled himself yet?" even before jude's attempt. i cant handle the thought of putting myself in his situation and pushing through, and that's the reality as well. you thought about it and yet , complying to it somehow makes you think that the hyenas won. that brother luke won, that dr traylor won. and the thing about jude is he always try. he tried to get through life, he tried to accept romance in his life, he tried and he tries to accept everyone's devotion and help because even though he feels like he doesn't deserve it; he feels like he owes them that at least. to try.

i can see how people, especially the first ones when it just came out, may be put off by the tones and the topics of this book, but as years went by and it grows in popularity, the trigger warnings had been set. one thing ive set my mind to when i bought the book is the advice i was given: to only read it when im in a stable stage of my life, and that's why it took me almost a year before i started reading it after buying it. the triggers are listed for anyone to see. YES. those things do happen in real life. those things, esp the rape and physical mental and verbal abuse DO come in hand majority of the time. the book is not trauma dumping or a trauma porn: it simply tells. (imo, its on YOU if u think this is a trauma porn. imo, it says a lot about you as a person).

the book is lengthy because it is intended to be, the "unnecessary parts" are not just fillers but a stepping stone to unraveling jude's past, to fully grasp the situation. they are there for a reason. you can skim through the book if you want to avoid them: but believe me when i say you wont fully get the book if you do. the book is not meant to be enjoyed. its meant to tell a story, to make you feel things for the characters, may it be pity or joy or anger.

jude is not meant to be understood or to help or to be pitied at, hes meant to exist. and those things are something that was given to him willingly by the people he loved. and the characters are all flawed. andy is a bad doctor, willem is lovable and maybe had too much love, malcolm is perfect (i love him so much), jb is infuriating most of the times, harold shouldve pushed more. they all shouldve pushed more, but they cant. because the way they love is also flawed and it gets in the way, because judy is also flawed. hes stubborn and confusing. but those are traits that makes them all human.

ive reblogged this before but ill say it again: ik its a meme, but not everything can be solved through therapy. again, it took jude YEARS to finally tell willem his past– willem. willem who jude probably trust with his life, who he lets help him and seeked out for him when he was bleeding to death from cutting too much. you think jude would talk to a shrink he barely knows? someones whos literally paid to talk to him? not even jb and malcolm knew.

smth i wanna address that i rlly dont get is people who claims it's homophobic, and i really and genuinely cant see it, as a lesbian person myself. every talk about sexuality (if there even is any thats worth noting for this part), had come naturally. everyone existed how people exist with each other. even when willem and jude got together, theres barely any talk about willem's sexuality. also, hot take (/s): sexuality is confusing!! not everyone wants to label themselves. ive known multiple ppl who majorly likes girls only, but have fallen for their recent boyfriend. it happens, surprise! not everyone wants to put themselves in a box.

in conclusion: i think people expects this book to turn out for the better as a psychological response. surprise, it doesn't. my opinion? it's not meant to be enjoyed. i dont recommend this to anyone but only because it IS devastating and im a sadist if i want people to experience those feelings the book will brought. however, the characters, the delivery of the story and the pacing, and hanya's god bowing writing style are what makes this book GREAT. great ≠ happy ending, just like how sad ending ≠ bad book. thanks!

[rand0mfangurlstuff]

Sing Yourself to Sleep - Bucky x Y/N - Part Nine - The Last Time

This chapter is what truly inspired this series. It is inspired by The Last Time by The Script. For anyone who hasn't heard it, I highly recommend you give it a listen. Danny O'Donohue's voice carries so much pain it makes the song all the more intense. This chapter is entirely Bucky's pov. As always please like, reblog etc. And feedback is always welcome :)

Bucky sat on the wing of the plane, anxiously awaiting Y/N's arrival. He knew she was afraid to be seen too closely with him, so out here with nobody to see them but the planes in the hanger was perfect. He had a bottle of whiskey with him, just like that first night they spoke.

Thinking on that first night, he never thought it would lead to something like this. They bonded over their grief, and that mutal respect for eachother turned into something magical. He didnt want to love her, he didnt want to be a homewrecker, especially when the husband was someone he actually liked and respected. But he couldnt help it. John Egan knew a thing or two about fate, and he knew this was fate. He and Y/N were meant to be together. Yes, it was messy, but it would all be worth it in the end.

She was late. He had never known her to be late. He was starting to worry she wasnt coming. The box in his pocket grew heavier. He knew Y/N didnt want a be an adulterer, and he knew she felt both shame and regret at their affair. No not regret, theres no way she could regret the love they share. But she was shameful. Bucky knew he had to do the right thing by her.

She finally arrived at 2:11pm. 'I'm sorry I'm late' she said, offering no explanation as to why.

'It's okay doll. Let me help you.'

He hoisted her up onto the wing of the plane. He pulled out the bottle of whiskey, taking a sip straight from the bottle before offering it to her. 'I don't think thats a wise idea John.'

'Course it is! Just like that first time we spoke, remember?' he said, once again offering her the bottle.

'Of course I remember.' she took a small sip from the bottle. 'I could never forget that.'

'Me neither' he said. They stared into eachothers eyes, the love and attraction thick in the air. Y/N cut the moment short.

'So, why'd you bring me out here?' she said in a tone that made Bucky think she wanted to leave.

'Because, I uh... well I wanted to talk to you... about us. About what you said about Clarke.'

'I'm certain he knows. He has to. He's been acting so strange.'

'Well we don't need to worry about that anymore.'

Y/N looked at him with confusion plain on her face. Bucky reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. He opened it to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.

'It was my Ma's. I wrote to her asking her to ship it over to me.'

'Oh Bucky... We can't.'

'I know, the wars not over yet. I want to be able to give you a real life outside this place. But divorces take time so I figure you get things started with the Colonel and then-'

'Bucky no! We can't. I can't.' she interrupted him.

'Why not? I know its gonna be tough, I do, but we'll get through it together. I'm not saying right this minute... But soon, when this war is over... I love you.'

'I love you too Bucky, but I can't marry you. I wont leave Bertie.'

'What? If its because you think he can give you more than I can...' Bucky was spiraling. This was not how he thought this would go. He thought she would say yes. He thought she would kiss him sensless and they would celebrate with the whiskey he brought. He never thought this. 'Well maybe right now yeah but... I'm a Major. I could be a Colonel some day, I can support you! I'll buy you whatever-'

'Oh Bucky it's not about that!' There was a brief moment of silence, Y/N bit her lip before she spoke again. 'It's about Me and Albert. He is a good man. And for better or worse I married him. I devoted myself to him. And he has loved me unconditionally in return. I was wrong to ever let myself get involved with you. I came here today to end things Bucky.'

No. She couldn't. She couldn't be ending things. He loved her. He wanted to marry her. He never thought he'd want to marry anyone but he wanted to marry her. What they had wasnt wrong, It wasnt the best start to a relationship sure, but it couldnt be wrong. She made his heart swell, made him smile so much his cheeks hurt. This could not be the last time she made him smile like that.

'You don't me that.' Was all he could manage to get out.

'I do. I'm sorry Bucky. But I need to focus on my marraige. If we end things now, It might have a solid chance.

This is the last thing that Bucky ever thought would happen. He never thought she would do this to him, because he knew it was the last thing he would have ever done to her.

'No! You can't. We are meant to be together. After all we've been through, everything we ever told eachother. All the times we kiss? Made love? It can't be the last time.'

Y/N reached to touch Bucky's cheek, his eyes sliding closed as she did. She reached to place a gentle kiss on his other cheek. Then she slid off the wing of the plane and landed as elegantly as she could. 'I'm sorry Bucky, it is.... Goodbye John.'

She walked away then. Back to her husband Bucky presumed. He couldn't believe it. If he had known that the night he made love to her in London would be the last time, he would have never let either of them leave that bed. His heart was broken. He could feel it in his chest. It was worse than any bullet or flak.

For the first time since he was a child, John Clarence 'Bucky' Egan cried. He cried, and he drank.

Buck Cleven found him several hours later, passed out drunk on the wing of the plane. He needed Harry Crosby to help him get his friend down safely.

The following day he was told he was being given another weekend pass to London. London was the last place he wanted to be but his leave was non-negotiable. He didn't bother to ask who approved the leave, he didnt need to. He knew Colonel Clarke would be responsible.

[danepopfrippery]

All of it so good! I spotted the freddie writers i think broken up in a few credits (theyre freelance so makes sense). Clearly death threats worked…dont learn from that.

If somehow ur reading and dont get spoilers coming well they are so its on u at this point. Random thoughts below

*Loved Derek’s fashion choices! Also his lil bat jazz hands flourish srsly a+.

*Nandor…incorrectly…thinking its Guillermo’s bday and throwing him a dinner and buying him a gift was very sweet…despite being book ended between insults about never turning him and Nandor not seeming too worried if he died

*my sis and i clocked right away how he wouldnt let guillermo sit next to him at guillermos special fake bday dinner. Nandor u ho. U make him reas u bedtime stories AND brush ur hair but wont sir next to him cuz horny? I refuse to believe any other reason

*WHERE IS THE HELL HOUND?! I MUST HAVE THE HELL HOUND! And i will be angrier than freddie ep if hes gone.

*is it weird Guillermo went to you…gene and the sire for turning advice after learning its forbidden? Also im choosing to believe this is a new superstition cuz they didnt seem arsed by it

*rip neighbor dude. Ppl are right its plot holey look its still the freddie writers in there ok?!

*sooo much bad turning in these two eps it was srsly keystone cops style and i was laughing my ass off despite being like derek irl

*nadja u bitch. Making nadjita dance and show her pussy is MEAN! You drunken slut. I dis enjoy taint that can write checks tho

*another plothole: it always seemed nandor was as shit at laszlo as hypnosis and i always took it of all 3 he was the worst (nadja the best). Animal control anyone? Well now he gets to be a pig amongst guinea pigs he’ll brag of this forever

*’cuz his brains fucked’ had me rolling. Also laszlo u liar u hypnotized him when trying to kiss him got u nowhere

*i was off my face w drug blood was also a good line

*colin didnt do much here but his waiter job and greek bit were great

*i am glad despite pussy showing nadjita has more movement finally

*laszlo has no god damned right to look that tasty

*the shit and fart jokes were mostly flat. I was waiting for laszlo to say he thought guillermo was hitting on him or something. That said seems we get jealous nandor next week and thats all i want

*poor guide, poor sean. Mikey u cunt

*the quebecois thing delighted my sis who studied there (france ppl hate ice right? But $8 wine is primo so u know)

*poor guillermo. Hes clearly a slayer vamp hybrid and very sad about it. Cant wait to see Nandor learn this. Also u will never convince me he could kill guillermo. Other than his eyes watering Guillermo has beat his ass like a rented mule twice now. Cheating or not (i say not)

*seems death threats also made note of make nandor better cuz hes followed a hippy self help book. Its kinda sweet cuz thats where his minimal kindness to guillermo comes from. I dont believe he ever through benji a bday dinner let alone convinced the others to come along

*colin seems aware hes been out of the job game for awhile but makes no indication if he knows why. Laszlo treats him basically same as always and vice versa

[tamorisana]

thank @mylarena ty for making me have gay about vampires thoughts.

okay. so we where talking the other day (literally 10 minutes ago as i write) and she said "having your blood drinken, giving a right to drink your blood is homoerotic" (not literal quote). AND I AGREE.

now come closer and listen. ill take alerudy because im starting for them and it will not cause much problems for most of people and make them see my point but i see rudy as a vampire who was raised in a foster human family. where he was dismissed for his needs (literally why adopt vampire.) and he just grew up like so, always hungry, smaller from not having a constant flow of blood in his body which causes health problems

and he meets alejandro

now, rudy is about 10 and ale is about 12 and the first one has like no friends except for his brother and brothers friends, who to their credit really did try to include him in almost all activities they had despite the age gap or he would sit with them listening while they talked about a game or smt and feel nice bc they let him enjoy the company, and ale is a type of kid to know everyone but having just a couple of kids who are considered friends.

and they meet and they don't hit it off immediately. alejandro is terrified of vampire because of stories about them as well as thinks the younger just wants his blood and rudy hates it. he hates being seen as nothing but a blood sucking monster so he just turns around, leaves angry ale to stand silent and shocked. its a way he solves this problem. very effective one, most are just too stunned to continue speaking. at this point you look at me up and down and think "fucking idiot! what are you doing?? what are you doing!?! how will they be with together if you refuse to make them friends??" yes they aren't friends right away.

but such reaction sparkes something. ale expected the boy to scream at him, be angry and jump on him, bite him. but he didn't. he looked more upset than disappointed and he just turned away and left. he may have left physically but still present in the back of his head.

and its a start, he looks out to him every time he can to ask why? if alejandro intrigued he will get and know anything he wants. the next time its cloudy he searches narrowly for rodolfo (pretty name. he had an uncle with same name and he was the best) and finds him quickly. he apologizes, gives rudy a candy his Abuela bought for him and a little cartoon of coconut milk.

and thats a start to them.

in a few weeks they are inseparable. in years basically glued to eachother. there are no alejandro without rodolfo and there is not rodolfo with out alejandro. they are 15 and 17 when rudy runs out of coconut milk and is about to close himself in basement until his parents finally buy some when his partner in crime says:

"why dont you drink from me?"

and is met with absolute no. he wont do that. he wont use him for blood. ale is a brother a friend, a dearest one and he does no such thing only of hunger. warm hands grab his shoulders to bring back to earth.

"rudy. look at me, i asked only because i trust you and with your control. idiot. i offer because i want you nicely fed and shit"

and they make an agreement. rudy gets his blood when absolutely needed and alejandro gets the language and math homeworks and help if he needs one. this goes on for years. even when they join the military.

i got distracted and lost the thought. ill continue this one day with these characters or other ones. i also have many siren!rudy and human or werewolf!ale if anyone wants them

[forestryfae]

man it is SO nice to find a solution to a really shit problem only for 50 other problems to happen

i am completely alone with zero support in a house i hate, doing as much housework as possible so it can be manageable both in day to day life and so its not hard to just leave when i move, and i still am not getting any help getting rid of the stuff.

i have almost no money and i have to pay to take the train to buy food or neccessities and i was dumb enough to not send a letter sooner so i dont know if ill get my money until after christmas or not, i havent bought more than one christmas gift either cus im fucking broke, and i dont feel anywhere in my body that i want to spend time making something for anyone. my brother still isnt done paying me my money back and literally hasnt talked to me since last time he asked for money, my dad hasnt fucking talked to me in ages and the one time he called in summer it was out of boredom to ask when i was gonna visit them, none of my extended relatives talk to me at all so what the fuck is the point there, and my mom is just. a fucking bitch.

i had her removed as a legal guardian, not even on purpose initially but because folkenemnda or whoever sent her a letter before i was able to have a meeting, so she ofc got fucking offended and now has decided sve cant be involved in anything. she cant call electricians, she cant help fix the house, its "too difficult" for her to have to talk to me or my new legal guardian instead of just buying stuff right away, and she told ME to get a new phone service provider. i had to fix that myself. on top of her being, once again, a useless bitch. dont touch my stuff i say, its fucking embarrassing that you have dirty laundry she implies while moving all my furniture around and doing shit to my kitchen while refusing to acknowledge its my house but still treating it like her own, and not fixing the internet again after they unplugged it.

so i have no access to internet besides my last 150 mb of phone data unless i call some guy to fix it, but they wont be here until next year most likely so its pretty much pointless, and if i buy phone data i have to pay. so if i cant get it fixed ill be literally alone for two weeks straight with no people at all around me and noone i can talk to on the internet. except for fucking. christmas. idk about new years eve. and i dont even fucking like my family, i dont even want to spend time with them, they treat me like shit.

the ac doesnt work since mom got the electricians to look at everything but never actually hired anyone to fix shit and now is completely uncooperative. and after they checked the fireplace in that control like two years ago im not allowed to use it, and mom never actually got that fixed either even though shes been in charge of absolutely everything since forever.

plus both heaters downstairs are set to 27c or max and it still is only like 17 or 19 or so, i have an entire room in the house i straight up cant use cus theres no power and no light and 17c in there and its full of stuff i asked mom to take to the thrift store for me 6 months ago. also i cant leave either heater on if im boiling water or washing dishes cus that overloads the entire fucking thing.

and its just like so much bullshit all at once and ive been spacing out for like 2 hours while writing this cus i get so frustrated and upset and angry and sad. its not fucking fair that my parents literally dont care about me, yet im expected to be fucking sociable and call and visit them and reach out. they didnt reach out to me or support me at all when i was a kid, or a teenager, or an adult, why the fuck would i want to deal with them. but if i dont go to visit them on christmas or i point out that hey. youre not really being fair or nice to me at all, hell breaks loose cus i should be more than happy with the crumbs they give me, as if theyre the best people in the world for fucking. calling once every six months or letting me celebrate a holiday with them.

like. im stuck here for 2 weeks, im broke as shit, no connection to the outside world once i use all my data, i very much am still mentally ill even if im better than before i went inpatient. but once i go back ill have to go back to work and i dont have a psychiatrist to talk to and im not on any meds i think i might need and i havent been tested for anything yet, i havent been had driving practice yet, i can barely talk to my support contact, i need a lot more help than i am being given, im not getting the help i ask for when i do ask for it, and thats on top of shit parents and a shit house and two cats i love but am not sure i can keep given the whole thing where im gone for months at a time. and i just. how the fuck am i supposed to be able to keep a job or ever move out or make friends properly or keep a new apartment or house or be mentally stable. its so much bullshit all at once wtf

[chrissdollie]

talking about each of rory's boyfriends

dean: ugh. ik EVERYONE says this, but s1 dean was just like soo perfect. too good to be true. he was cute, charming, and kind. i think he was a good 1st bf for rory. besides the fact that he freaking dumped her just because she wasnt ready to say "i love you back" and didnt respect her opinion on donna reed. and theres more. s4, took advantage of her and took away her virginity (im not fully blaming him, rory made me really mad too). like dude, he was MARRIED. poor lindsay didn't deserve being treated the way she was also. she just wanted to be with her husband. and then he based their (rory and dean) little relationship on sex. LIKE HUH?? when he was drunk the night before his wedding, he was saying how rory could fix the world, he loved her, and how she was so smart. what happened to that like what.. overall, i think he was great for a while until he wasn't. he also didn't have any character development at all. jess: in case you haven't seen any of my other posts, i am 100% team jess. i could write an essay about why he was the best bf, but i wont. and im not saying he was perfect at all. like ofc not, no one is! but the little things he did were just soo cute even when they weren't together. like buying rory's basket for $90! ughhh i love that episode sm. anyways, i love the fact that they were genuinely great friends before lovers. AND LETS TALK ABOUT SEASON 6. "wHy did you drop out of yAAleE?" iconic. okok so i absolutely adore that he was being totally honest with her. he was just real. like "rory, wtf are you doing?" he got her head back in the game. omg i saw this one post that was saying how when logan bought rory that birkin bag, she thought it was nice but didnt really know how to respond, but when jess gave her a copy of his book, she was really happy. because she has something special with him. ALSO did anyone else notice how jess was the only bf she didnt have sex with?? not really too important, but just wanted to say that. in AYITL, he gave rory the idea to write a book. i feel like he was always there for her. always. as a friend, bf, ex, and then friend again. through her ups and downs, he was there. fight me all you want, they shouldve been endgame. i was a upset when he got all angry when rory didn't want to have sex with him in another person's house. ik that he was moody or wtv but still. AND THE FACT THAT HE JUST LEFT WITHOUT TELLING RORY. im not saying he shouldve stayed (well i kinda am) but i was so mad that he just left her in the dark. also totally not necessary, but here are some of my fav quotes from him. "ernest only has lovely things to say about you", "i love you", "an innocent boy like me should not be raised in an atmosphere like this! i wanna be good, life's just not letting me", "i like this shirt. it brings out my eyes", "it feels like im with rory and youre not", "wanna push me in the lake?", "22.8 miles. do you YAHOO?" i have more in the dungeon logan: 2nd fave bf. he was meh. sometimes he was an absolute jerkk but i do like how he pushed her out of her comfort zone a bit. AND how he tried the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing because he liked her so much. and personally, when jess went to visit rory in s6 ep8, i think he had a valid reason to be upset. like he literally pulled up to richard and emily's to see rory with a random dude going out. and the first thing she said to him was "when did you get back? i thought you were coming home tomorrow?" i mean i could totally see why he thought something was going on. (but he did overdo it a little. at first it was understandable but as the night went on, he was just being plain rude). on the other hand, he was kinda boring to me. i feel like he didnt really have much of a personality besides being rory's bf. BUT I HATE HATE HATEEEEE that he was hooking up with rory and ENGAGED TO ANOTHER WOMAN in AYITL. its like dean all over again smh. tbh im glad rory didnt end up with him. BUT HES HER BABY DADDY (im pretty sure) LIKE NOOOO anyways, these are just my opinions and feel free to disagree just dont bash me please <3

[tears-of-boredom]

update on my thing with cigarettes:

i genuinely dont know where it came from, maybe playing disco ely, but I just have this constant desire to have a smoke. and it really doesnt help that I see at least one person smoking whenever i leave the house. i guess im just really confused. i wasnt afflicted to second hand smoke when every adult near me smoked, or i wouldve seen the effects of that way sooner. and growing up ive always been so confused as to why someone would want to smoke cigarettes. that was like the one thing i wouldnt do to get a friend. so im just confused as to why. at least I cant buy cigarettes yet so theres that like safety net for me. and my sibling wont offer me one because they just arent that type of person, they'd need to know that I already smoke for them to feel comfortable offering. and while the tone of voice i use while thinking about those things tends to be negative, I genuinely im glad for them. because I really don't want to get lung cancer when i dont even understand why i desire it so much.

i should really talk to an adult about this. but I just dont trust them to give any helpful advice, just some shit like "dont throw your life away" or "smoking kills". thats the problem with me I think, i dont truly trust anyone, not even myself. but it doesnt manifest in a way where I wont let somebody borrow something from me because i dont trust them to not break it,, it comes in this way, where I don't trust that anybody means what they say, and I dont trust anybody enough to even give them a chance to prove me wrong. and the adults near me have succesfully gaslighted me into believing that im not aware of my emotions, or myself in general,, and that they know better.

i really need therapy, but i dont trust it to be any different from the hundreds of times ive talked to different adults about my feelings. I'd need somebody to force me to go, but also then id just mask the whole time and not get anything out of it.

did i mention that i talked to my sister a week ago. we basically just had a therapy session together, talking about our trauma and depression and shit. she told me that one of my expiriences sounded a lot like depersonalisation. ive heard that term before, but I have this thing where i can never believe that theres actually anything wrong with me. anything that you could diagnose or put a word to at least. but hearing my sister, a third party, say that, actually helped a bit in that regard.

im really tired. and i need to eat. and take my meds.

im so tired dude. of everything.

[outsidereveries]

id have been more interested if it was a missing person case ngl i dont really feel any curiosity about idols personal relationships no more thats why i was like ehh nbd. i dont get why ppl desperstely want to be an idols fs either if an idol fs is an ordinary person wont their lifestyle be a bit of a shock to their fs system? does this make sense? i guess i understand it in the sense that

but honestly if i was walking around a place and i wouldnt even recognise who it is like the only reason they know who it was was because they had no face mask on if they didnt know it was to me that be any ole mf idol. sorry but how do these knetz have so much spare time to genuinely invest into following an idol from one location to another to see who they partner is or isnt?

even tho theres some idols i do admire and adore sometime i want to erase idol groups from my memory entirely not in a rude way but in a well ive already been thru that phase in the 00s i guess its the younger gens turn to be upset at idols dating so i get it but i dont really gaf either

i actually agree with you about the fs thing and although it's not the main reason why i'm not doing fs readings, there are just more readers who are doing fs-related readings and this content (tarot-wise) related to it is just oversaturated to me you know? i'm personally not interested in anyone's personal life (family+fs included) but if there's any gossip for the celebs' life i'm all in (ofc as long as it's not about their families, it's a red line for me), lol

like i also don't care what x's personal life is but if their hormons are unstable ofc i'll call them out about it! like buy a d— or an e— or sth to satisfy yourself, i don't really care how horny x is, everyone is having their own stuff to experience alongside x!! if they cannot hold it, ok, hope they're feeling better after idk, letting it energetically out to me, but it's .. i just don't really know why there are just horny idols out there trying to wild out :|

and if 2 people are on a table to eat sth for dinner so what? that's their personal life after all! they can always be friends and eat together once in a while and when they got caught, it's automatically shocking and bombing and whatever. or if they were on a date, what? suddenly it's the fans unstanning him or hoer or just whatever. if i was an idol i wouldn't care! i would probably have wilder dating life than jennie, or even bigbang members (ofc in a alternative universe) BECAUSE DATING IS NORMAL TO EXPERIENCE and not something alien-y—

i can also admire whoever i want but i'm not that fucking obssesive like a ssng— if i wanted to ask sth spicy, like 18+ nsfw thing, i'll ask my cards for it, imagine it like a fanfiction and i'll be satisfied, lol

have we become so limited that we have reached the point of being sasaengs/obssesive, no matter directly or not? if yes, it's too much...

[shoujohn]

Hello it's me again. Thought it was a smash and pass huh? A one and done. A toot it an boot it. Get it then let it. Hehe.

I do admit that I initially wanted to do this as a daily log typa vibe. But nah, things come up and things wont always go the way you predict or try to orchestrate. But you dont let that stop you. Dont let the common unfortunate events get you down. It's just a part of the journey yano. Heh. "Yano?" She says that...quite a good amount of bit. "Who?," you migh ask. Well, lets call her Bella. She's someone I've ha my eyes on for a while. Thing is, Ive been told that she isnt available. So that sucks. Not that I was gonna do something...at least not anymore. Am I? WOW, thats concerning. Also I'm a bit buzzed. Got a whole bottle of brut with pineapple juice, so it's mimosa night baby.

ANYWAYYYYY so what to talk about tonight. Honestly, I feel like this is just freestyle rambling. And I am a rambler. Babbler moreso. Yknow, I ...want to be a better version of my best self. Yes i babble...but I'd like to be that babbler that youd sit and stay to listen to..because I make good points. Or my words help....inspire...motivate. I want to be so good about things that I just radiate this kind of energy that just pushes you to fucking thrive. Thats something to be proud of. I think. I mean, i have no family. No partner. no one dear to me apart from the family i was born in. Guess all i can do for now is to be proud of myself. Thankfully I'm starting to do this, it KIND OF keeps me accountable. Okay let's find a topic.

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I'm typing rn @ 22:50 08/25/24 whilst listening to "Gusto" by Zack Tabudlo and Al James. Why? Idk it's good. And Zack is a great opm artist. I forgot how in character it feels for me to spend time at night listening to music WITH HEADPHONES ON and typing on tumblr. This is very high shool era of me. Hmm lets talk more about Bella. She's a recent coworker of mine. She's awkward, artistic?, very into her own shit, music listener, a total zillenial(like me but she's more zoomer and into pop culture rather than the nerdier shit I'm in.) She's like 3 years younger than me. Still a 90s kid, but barely. She LOVES Taylor Swift, which I respect. She came up to me saying shit like Panic! is her fav emo era band. She's honestly someone I'd like to try to fuck with. I'd love to get to know her...on a deep and emotional level. But alas, she is a coworker and my harder worker work ethic is fighting me about it. Is this really something for me to try to pursue? Obv fucken NO. She..supposedly has a bf. Didnt stop me from buying her ketchup tho lmao.

Anyway, I'm such a simp. But I have this new outlook of tryna attract instead of chase. That may be easier on my ego as looming 30 year old. I just need to focus at constantly being better at what I do everyday and building myself up as a man. This way, I wont feel like a sorry ass sucker who anyone can just toss away or baliwala bc I'm so replaceable. FUCK THAT. Lemme be one of a kind. Someone thaat people will feel lucky to have met and be associated with. Someone sgnificant. I'm sure that's a goal I'm not alone on. Id love to be a person of such value that people are willing to fight to be by my side. Hmm. Is this what Ha wanted and envisioned to be? It's fitting if so. Anyway. I'm pretty buzzed and listening to opm youtube. Pretty buzzed from pineapple mimosa. This hs been a fun log so far. Someday I'll be more intricate, more entertaining, more relateable, more inspiring, more entertaining, more.....better.

Again, this is my ramblecast (yes that's gonna catch on) it's 23:06 and I gotta go to bed soon. The ramblecast has no agenda, just a freehand typa thing. Maybe It's just a runon paragraph, maybe it's a vlog, maybe it's a voice log, but one thing is for sure. This comes directly from my heart.

And to this 2nd entry, I just release my mental floodgates. It'll maybe be the same for the future. Maybe not. Maybe something different. Maybe something better. One thing is for sure, you'll definitely know and understand that I prolly have some sort of undiagnosed ADHD and OCD. Niki from Indonesia is a beautiful being and Ana De Armas is my current dream girl. Good night!

[her-name-is-suicide]

It hurts so much not having him by my side.

But when he was here all i wanted him to do was leave so why now? Why do i feel all of this stupid pain now after i did all the necessary steps to be okay and to be whole and to be absolutely sure that i want to end things with him.

And i still do, not want him back, not really. but the pain of not having him,my best friend, just to talk to and share every little thought with him.. fuck that sucks i miss my baby.

And i tried the drugs and the boys and the alcohol and the meditation and the focus on me and the "feel your feelings and let yourself cry" but its still not over and i cry every single fucking day and im fucking tired of it,i feel like this will never end.

And we talked yesterday, almost invited him over to have sex buy thankfully my mom was home so i couldn't but obviously i would do it because im fucking stupid and also horny.

Just having him for a few hours of texting made me feel so good and happy and seen and now... Now its gone again and i want to die and i want to run to his arms and tell him im sorry i left him and say fuck everyone and everything but i know deep down i wont really love him,not unless he will change.. and be the man i need. I miss him so much... He is my best friend he loves me so much .. more than i know anyone ever will i know that he this man will love me forever and it hurts so bad.l wish he didnt it will be easier,i wish he would cheated on me or hit me or did something so wrong i couldn't even love him anymore. I fucking miss him.

Ugh this sucks! Why? Why couldn't he just do it just be the man that he needs to be to fucking heal and fucking do something... Why did i have to leave him and im so heartbroken and im so guilty because i broke his heart into far more smaller pieces than mine and... It's so heartbreaking knowing how much pain i caused him.

And of course im so alone i have no one to really say all of this too so thank god this shit hole still exists for me to cry.