#i want to do more of these i think once the siddur is out

[nonstandardrepertoire]

Ki Tisa

you don't have to be realistic to make portraits that people recognize. stick a stovepipe hat and a bushy beard on a teddy bear, and people will get that you mean it to be Abraham Lincoln. the right hat and pipe alone can suggest Sherlock Holmes. learning to identify these kinds of symbols can be very helpful in coming to grips with artistic traditions that make heavy use of them

if you spend a lot of time with Medieval Christian art, for example, you'll pretty quickly start to run across a figure of a guy with horns on his head. you might think that this is supposed to be Satan, but in many cases, you'd be wrong: that guy is supposed to be Mosheh

in this week's Torah portion, you see, Mosheh is said to have a face that is קָרַן/qaran after spending so much time conversing with G-d. contemporary translations will say that that means Mosheh's face "glowed", but it's a very rare word, and it looks a lot like the word קֶֽרֶן/qéren, which means "horn", and so the most influential Medieval Latin translation said that Mosheh's face had "horns" instead. (the idea underlying the Hebrew seems to be that rays of light emerge from glowing things in much the same way that horns emerge from the head of a ram or an ox)

seeing this prophet with horns tacked on can be a little unsettling, and the Biblical Israelites were certainly unsettled by Mosheh's glowing face, so much so that they were afraid to even come near Mosheh at first, and Mosheh starts wearing a veil around the camp

the Israelites' fear here has many echoes down thru the ages. in 1867, in the wake of the US Civil War and the California Gold Rush, the city of San Francisco was full of poor people and disabled veterans that the rich of the city found unappealing to look at. like the Biblical Israelites, they accepted their gut emotional reaction to those around them as fact, and came to the conclusion that their neighbors were at fault for causing these untidy emotions

rather than helping their neighbors access housing, medical care, and the necessities of dignified living, the rich of San Francisco passed the first of the so-called "ugly laws", bills that essentially made it a crime to be disabled in public, with predictable disparities in treatment along class and racial lines, de facto if not de jure. in the years that followed, similar laws were passed all around the country by cities that would rather arrest people than see to their needs. the last known arrest under one of these laws would ultimately occur in Oklahoma in 1974. today, many of them are still on the books, even if they are no longer enforced

and enforced or not, the spirit that animated these laws is still very much alive. in the US, we still very much live in a society that judges people based on how they look, a society where the powerful would rather remove some people from view than build community with them, a society where some people are given the very clear message that their presence is emphatically unwanted. those on the receiving end of this message often internalize it and start to pull away — "i won't speak up in that meeting because i don't want to take up space.", "maybe i shouldn't go to that gathering; i don't want to make people uncomfortable.", "i feel like even just quietly existing i am already taking up too much space"

even G-d isn't immune from these feelings. after the business with the golden calf, G-d says, "i'm not going to go with you, in the middle of your camp. maybe i'll be in a little tent off to the side here, but i can't be at the heart of your community anymore.". this might sound like a punishment, but G-d doesn't frame it that way in Shəmot. instead, G-d says "פֶּן אֲכֶלְךָ בַּדָּֽרֶךְ/pen akhelkha badárekh/lest i end you on the way". G-d is afraid of hurting the Israelites, and so tries to withdraw. it's a protective measure, not a punishment

it's also not a solution. haSheim cannot be the Israelites' G-d without actually being there, right there, in the thick of them. the Israelites cannot learn from Mosheh how they are to live without going up and being near him, glowing face and all. we cannot build a society together if we all pull away from one another, afraid of causing messy feelings or harm, or having messy feelings of our own in reaction to each other. we have to reach out. we have to connect

this doesn't mean we will never hurt each other. we will. the relationship between G-d, Mosheh, and the Israelites, too, continues to be full of strife, tumult, and harm. in building the world we want to live in, we will step on each other's toes, we'll butt heads forcefully, we'll commit a thousand sins small and grave. but there is no other way. there is no way to build a community without community, and there is no community without tension, friction, and discomfort, because communities are made of people, and people are too rich and varied and messy and complex to snap together perfectly and seamlessly like frictionless uniform bricks in a physics exercise

we will never be perfect. we will always be fraught. coming together to run a community, shape a society, build a better world will always require compromise and generate bruised feelings. but these efforts only fail entirely if we pull away permanently, if we fully disengage

when Mosheh's face begins to glow, he does put on a veil, but, crucially, not when he is talking to G-d or to the Israelites. to be in community with others, he has to be there as his whole, disquieting self, not a covered, tamed version modulated for others' comfort. we don't read that the Israelites ever really adjusted to this — for all we know, every time the light of Mosheh's face fell on them, they felt the same tremor they felt the first time around — but they come near all the same. we have to do so too

to build a world where we all can live and flourish, we have to show up as our full selves, and be ready for others to show up as their full selves too. this work is hard, it is messy, it is uncomfortable, but it is infinitely, irreplaceably worth doing. it is the work that is before us all

shavu'a tov

[shalom-iamcominghome]

I’m going to send emails out soon to finally try to find a willing rabbi to guide me in the conversion process. I’ve said I wanted to convert in December but was thinking about it even before then (that’s just when I told people). But I’m worried about not being Jewish enough. Like I want to convert ‘orthodox’ Sephardic, which ik is kind of redundant bc most sephardic ppl just say sephardic and aren’t rlly divided into orthodox, conservative, reform either due to historical reason, but like what if I turn out being not so orthodox after? Like I love the idea of being observant, but I know that I’m not someone to wear modest dress 24/7 (rn I only wear shorts like a handful of times of year but I’ll also wear leggings, and tights pants or v neck shirts that show cleavage). And I’m not a virgin and don’t really want to be celibate. Idk I just feel like if I go through the process of converting and being observant, I will be expectant to be fully observant and idk if that’s an expectation I can’t hold. Are there any other ppl that converted only to become ‘less’ observant after? And idk observance is a personal things, but many ppl will still look at you as less observant if you don’t follow every interpretation they do

I want to preface this by saying I hope you are able to find a rabbi who you feel safe to discuss this with. Oftentimes, you'll find that they themselves can empathize with you, even if they themselves are born jews. Jewish identity for all is complex. I also hope that, in answering this further, you might find comfort and know that you are worthy of converting.

I am in a mixed Ashki and Sephardi conservative shul, and my sponsoring rabbi is himself not conservative (I'm in a unique position). When he and when other rabbis ask about observance goals, I have noticed it is so they can anticipate how they can best help you. I myself want to be a 'typical' conservative jewish man, so I find some level of empathy with you! It's hard! And you're in what can feel like a raw and vulnerable space, one where judaism feels just out of reach, something you want or need. Trust me when I say I absolutely get it.

I felt the exact same as you before I joined my shul and later again when I found my rabbi. I worried about the fact that I didn't know how to daven, when to bow, the fact that the siddur is transliterated differently than what we say. It was overwhelming! But then... my community privileged me and truly put such an astounding effort in supporting my journey. It is by no means over, but they treat me the same as any other jew in the congregation. I'd feel weird if I pulled by phone out during shabbos because they hold me in the same light as them. All of this is to say that it is just as likely that you will find a community with whom you feel embraces you through this entire wonderful journey. It is entirely possible to marry your goals with judaism - it has been done before. How could a culture, a religion, a people have survived millenniums without someone like you having made a similar journey and made it as a jew? There will always be people like you, like me, who have made this journey and made it work for them, with others who loved them as a comrade, lover, friend, and confidant.

And when it comes to a varying of practice once you are jewish? It is only natural if that happens. A conversion is not an ever-lasting contract to stay stagnant in your practice - it is, essentially, formalizing that you are part of this people. I have been following plenty of jews who have converted and who have both become more observant and less observant. In fact, a ruling about this which has truly comforted me is from Ben-Zion Meir Hai Uziel, a Sephardi chief rabbi who made a ruling about this:

You are human, and there are 613 mitzvot. Hardly any of us consistently follow them all - especially when many require the temple! We can only expect you to do your best, to live jewishly under your terms and readiness! It takes some of us years to work up to certain observances, and that is regardless of jewish status. It would be unfair to expect you to take on more than you are ready for, regardless of if you have immersed yet or not. Heck, I only feel comfortable observing a select amount of mitzvot because I want to understand all of them before doing them. I want my soul to yearn for an aspect of observance, because my personal goal is to fall hopelessly and madly in love with jewish life, judaism, and this wonderful people. I want to emphasize that we all come at judaism with a unique, interesting, and worthy background. Yours is no exception.

I hope that, maybe, you got something out of this rambling. You are worth it to convert if you have decided this is your desire, want, or need. I for one welcome you here, and hope that our paths continue to cross. Please don't hesitate to talk anytime - judaism is a communal practice. It is not something you can wholly do alone.

[dangerousanddisquieting]

Neil finding religion post-The King’s Men

This is probably the most self-indulgent headcanon I’ve ever posted (and that’s saying something.) tl;dr Neil finds religion after The King’s Men and converts to Judaism. Details under the cut (This is a part 1, part 2 is Andrew converting after exposure through Neil)

Once he gets settled when all the events of TKM are over, Neil realizes how much about the world he doesn’t know as a result of growing up constantly moving and pretty constrained to his mother’s worldview

One of those things is religion

He knows how much religion means to Renee (and Nicky who has reclaimed his religion to a degree) so he starts to do research to better connect with and understand them

He’s also looking into religion a bit for himself. In my head it’s a mix of a constant nagging in the back of his head that’s been around since he was a child that he never had time or security to explore and Stewart coming in moments before Nathan killed Neil. The chances of that are so low, Neil sometimes sits awake with a feeling deep in his heart that he was saved by the love of a higher power giving him a second chance

but when he’s researching our sweet boy has a big misunderstanding

he learns the general beliefs but also the mitzvot and thinks they are followed by all Christians

Nicky eats shrimp one day and Neil gives him a weird look

“What’s up Neil? Thinking up a dick joke?”

Neil explains that he thought Christians couldn’t eat shellfish 

Nicky laughs a little and says “no, that’s a Jewish thing actually” and moves on

But Neil just... keeps thinking about that

He goes to a church service with Renee and likes it more than he thought he would but when she asks if he wants to come back again he politely declines, it didn’t really resonate with him

He ends up Googling “what do Jewish people believe” one night before bed and he’s up all night

He tells Andrew he’s looking at Exy but he’s just so enamored with this belief system

The mix of history and philosophy and spirituality,, the emphasis on making this world better for the sake of others and not for some divine reward after you’re dead,, the love of questioning and “wrestling with G-d,,” the oneness of G-d and His connection with each and every one of His people,,,,,

It fits so beautifully in Neil’s heart he can’t stop thinking about it for weeks

He hates that this is bugging him and distracting him during practice so he gets in touch with the campus Rabbi who asks to meet with him

Neil sits down with her and ends up having the most soul-bearing conversation he’s ever had with a non-Fox

He tears up a little but he would never admit it

She invites Neil to a service and he goes but when he puts on a yarmulke he has a panic attack and has to decompress and wait for the later service

The concept of a “man” above him watching him sets him off but he goes back without a kippa because he wants to see this through

Neil doesn’t know a word of Hebrew but finds himself swaying and humming along

He’s so confused (people are bowing? what do I say and what do I not say?) but he’s in the back so he’s not too self conscious

The boy next to him notices and slides him his siddur when he can tell Neil has lost the page

He follows along well enough and when the Rabbi asks him about it after he gets more excited and animated than he’s been in a while

The boy who was next to him joins the schmooze and Neil walks away with a beautiful warmth and feeling of community in his heart and emails the Rabbi the next day and says he wants to keep going

It’s the first time he’s felt like he’s belonged anywhere since he’s joined the Foxes

Similar feeling of community and unity but very different at the same time (he does secretly appreciate the fact that he found this community without violence or mafia ties though)

He doesn’t make a big announcement about it to the Foxes, it just naturally comes up little by little (esp once he has to miss practice for holiday observance)

They’re all super supportive and do research on their own to be sure they respect his beliefs

Nicky is very happy, but Renee is ECSTATIC

At first teaches Neil what she knows about general theology but doesn’t get into any sort of specifics so she doesn’t accidentally push Christian beliefs on him

Aside from that they don’t talk about it for a bit until Neil starts to learn more in-depth about Jewish theology and history

As he learns more, he and Renee start debating, little by little getting more heated as Neil builds his knowledge

It’s the most passionate the Foxes have ever seen Renee

At first the Foxes think that Neil and Renee hate each other now and they all dread having another inter-team rivalry

But nope!! Neil’s religion ends up as a way to connect to Renee and they start spending more time together off the court

Debating helps both of them find out more about their own beliefs and to be honest, it’s just something they both think is fun (neither of them are afraid to set boundaries if stuff goes too far though)

Wymack starts researching Judaism as soon as he finds out and works with Neil privately to make sure he wouldn’t miss anything on holidays when Neil won’t be at practice

“If you show up on my court because you feel like you ‘need to’ even though you would rather practice your literal RELIGION I will kick you off this team. I will sue myself before Rabbi Hannah can do it for me”

(He talks to the Rabbi about Neil at first but they end up being friends (: )

Wymack wrote all the holidays down on the calendar in his office and Neil is so touched by it

One of Neil’s favorite moments in his journey was the first time he felt comfortable wearing a yarmulke to shul

It took him a long time to reach a place where he felt comfortable enough with HaShem to wear one but it was a beautiful feeling

Instead of remembering his father when he puts it on, he thinks of people like Wymack and Andrew who watch him out of unconditional love, welcome, and grace

He doesn’t do everything perfectly of course, but Neil loves having something in his life that lets him find beauty and meaning in the world and the people in it

[wenevergotusedtoegypt]

Thank you so much for your reply! I appreciate your response so much especially given how stressful the world is right now--that was such a helpful way to put it and since I sent the ask, I've been able to kasher my kitchen, had a fully kosher l'pesach kitchen even, learn more shabbat halachot, etc. I was curious though--I recall you saying you should daven in a language you understand, but also learn Hebrew so you can eventually daven in Hebrew. I know you're a BT/had some learning from(1/2)

your reform shul as a kid, but still I was wondering if you had any tips for gaining proficiency in Hebrew? I’d say I already know maybe 200 of the most common davening words and have an interlinear siddur so I can do an easy paragraph here and there entirely in Hebrew while checking a word or two I don’t know, but a lot of learning resources seem to be for modern Hebrew whereas I’m really focused on davening proficiency. Thank you again so much for your patient responses to me and others! (2/2)

Great to hear about that progress! That’s amazing!

I don’t remember saying that per se, though that doesn’t mean that I didn’t say it. My perspective on davening language has changed over time. In the beginning I was all about getting it all into Hebrew eventually even if one was unable to do so right away. But over time I found that it is often easier to have kavana in English, even if I technically know what the Hebrew means, and nowadays I generally daven in a mix of Hebrew and English.

Anyway, besides the point of your main question here. I did learn how to read Hebrew growing up, but I really didn’t learn what any of it actually meant - the Hebrew school program I attended as a child was basically intended to get kids to the point of being able to read from the Torah and lead Shabbos morning services for their bar/bas mitzvah and that’s it, which didn’t require anything other than being able to sound out the words correctly. It was a big disservice.

I minored in Modern Hebrew in college and that’s where I got most of my Hebrew skills. I always feel bad when people ask for resources in this regard because I just don’t think there’s a great substitute for in-person classes for learning a language, but I acknowledge that not everyone is in a position to do that. Even though Modern Hebrew has some differences from Biblical Hebrew, if you ARE in a position to take a class (whether through a university, shul, JCC, etc) I would recommend it. My university also offered Biblical Hebrew, but I opted for Modern because I also wanted to be able to speak, and Biblical Hebrew doesn’t really set you up for that. There are grammatical differences between the two, but I found I was largely able to at least get the gist of those just through experience while translating religious texts. And the emphasis of the vocab is different, but once you understand the structure of the language, you can always look up individual words in a dictionary as you encounter them. As you’ve seen, there are a lot of words that occur frequently, so the more you interact with them the more they’ll stick in your brain. Your interlinear siddur is definitely a great resource, but it might actually help to practice - outside of your actual davening so as not to get distracted - using a regular siddur and actually look up words that you don’t know and writing them down, because taking the time to do that engrains the word in your brain more than simply glancing at the translation that’s in front of you as you go. I would say that translating non-siddur texts on a regular basis in seminary also helped a lot with vocab.

[manicpixiedreamjew]

ok i rewrote and revised my letter! let me know what you think

2/9/19

Rabbi Randy,                                              

As our Into class comes to an end, a lot has been on my mind. My spirituality, my values; how my perception of the world has changed as I solidify my Jewish identity, especially as a young woman. I spent a few hours poring over journal entries dating back all the way to 2016 this Shabbat, and a consistent theme stood out in all of them: an overwhelming, genuine urge to live an authentic Jewish life. I read, thrown back into the innocent curiosity, the puppy love, the childlike fascination with Jews and Judaism that began with a book. The Chosen, the very first Jewish book I read, and I’m sure I’ve told you this story before; I’ll spare the details.

Anyway, those first inklings of interest, say, early 2016, were academic. I was a vehement atheist born to a family of atheists. Then again, who has a nuanced understanding of religion and people-hood at sixteen? My atheism was an obstinate, cynical world view triggered by traumatic experiences with Christianity. When I picked up The Chosen, though...I was slapped right across the face. Judaism was the first thing that challenged my philosophies; it forced me into an entirely foreign universe I never thought I’d know, need or understand. It taught me empathy foremost, in those early days...studying Judaism exhorted me to bear the burden of others, to feed the hungry (a MAZON seminar comes to mind), comfort the weary. Looking at my journal, an entry dated 3/3/17 elaborates on the effects of antisemitism in America, and next to that a newspaper cut out of a Magen David. It wasn’t quite personal then, but it was something I wouldn’t have looked twice at a few years earlier. It disturbed me deeply.

Then, mid-late 2017. The journal entries shifted, as you’d expect; I’d been exhaustively involved in reading and researching by then. I see a lovingly inscribed entry detailing, religiously, my first Kabbalat Shabbat at CRC. 7/1/17. The smells, the melodies, my friends, the birthday celebration of two elderly men who loved baseball. “A deep, riveting admiration for something ancient and pulsing with life.” That puppy-love stage was in full effect, my love of Judaism and its personal implications blossomed over the springtime, although its fragrance wasn’t entirely sweet: I was forced to confront my identity and ask myself that looming question. Do I want to become a Jew?

That question threw me for a loop. It was an emotionally intense time. I confided to my closest friend that, although it may sound absurd, converting to Judaism was something I was interested in. I remember crying myself to sleep some nights because the decision was so massive, so heavy, so entirely suffocating for someone with no background in religion, no sense of community or family. Eventually, though, my fate did not seem so dire, and I came to my senses: I loved Judaism. I loved it, I love it. One of the first things that stood out to me and comforted me was the Jewish emphasis on family, something I never experienced. I clung to it: how someone’s always there for you;  how you’re adopted into world-wide support network called the Tribe. How no matter where you travel, anywhere in the world, someone will enthusiastically invite you over for Shabbat lunch. How, because you are Jewish, you will never suffer alone.

That, then, began my serious resolve to be Jewish, do Jewish and live Jewish.

Ever since I met with you on 11/21/17 (I have an entry for that, too!), my life has been a foray into Jewishness. You told me to start observing Shabbat and Yom Tov, and I did so with vigor: I bought a chanukiah, acquired the shiniest candlesticks I could, and read every book the local library had regarding proper observances. I look back on my first few holidays and laugh now, playfully admonishing myself for my mistakes and mishaps. But that’s the fun, right? If I learned anything from this week’s Parsha (Terumah), it’s that the means are more much important than the end, the intention more meaningful than the actualization. Late 2017 to early 2018 was all that: learning, doing, experiencing, interacting, existing with a fat dose of humility. Organizing a basic Jewish vocabulary, and through Shabbat services and working with the community, pinning down what it means to live a Jewish life.

Enter 2018! This was, perhaps, the most frustrated and chaotic year on my Journey to Jewish. To start, it was my last semester of high-school. Everything, and I mean Everything, was dependent on my graduation—most saliently my own happiness and sanity. My synagogue attendance was dwindling, my ambition and motivation was all but absent. I’ve always suffered from depression and severe anxiety, but its clutch tightened horribly those first few months. I managed to attend a Kol Nidre service in early September���and, it remains one of my most beautiful and cherished memories to date. December, I know, was the hardest. Between my Catholic father making crusade jokes and my Jesus-obsessed mother spewing casual antisemitism, between unending loads of coursework and no free time, I felt my spirit literally withering. This never weakened my resolve to live Jewishly, but some days I just couldn’t bring myself to enact the values I knew I held in my heart. Some days Judaism felt like a beloved friend, and others Judaism felt like a stranger. Nevertheless I continued to live as Jewish a life I could, but even kindling the Chanukah candles felt joyless. I was like Tevye standing in the middle of the woods, anguished, as his horse refused to budge. Through all of it, though—the sadness, numbness, friction—I was never, ever, once deterred. That’s how life is sometimes. But to be a Jew, as our own Reb Tevye zealously insisted, you must have hope.

And I did. This is when Judaism became real to me, when I realized it was a part of my life and etched into my very being. If I could live Jewishly, study, be a part of my community and find solace while also dealing with these hardships, this was clearly meant to be. I’ve been using “us” and “we” pronouns for a few months now, referring to myself as Jewish even though I’ve yet to immerse in a mikveh. When our class visited the Holocaust museum, the loss and heartache I felt was profoundly intimate...a personal loss, the loss of family I never had the opportunity to know and love. I had never experienced anything like that before, and it continues to haunt me. I’ve been the target of hateful and ignorant remarks. People have glowered at my Magen David; they’ve called me names and insulted me. “Christ killer, money hoarder, dirty Jew.”

But, and I’m a bit weepy remembering this, living Jewishly (and loudly at that) is a blessing. Maybe two summers ago I catered to an older family for their son’s graduation party. An uncle approached me, blinked at my Magen David and muttered “bless you.” I was visibly shaken; I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Later in the evening the grandmother touched my shoulder and asked, “are you Jewish?” I told her I was a conversion student. She embraced me, dug out dreidels from her kitchen drawer, and told me that she was separated from her Judaism during childhood. That it was too dangerous for her to practice, that she wanted to go back to synagogue now that she was safe. I encouraged her daughter to finally have her bar mitzvah. My heart was full. Another memory I’m fond of: wishing a stranger chag Pesach sameach and Shabbat Shalom on the street. He was wearing a kippah. The smile on that man’s face was unforgettable.

Those moments, to me, were godly. Actions are a conduit of holiness; I’ve learned that over the years. To act with intent and sanctify the mundane is second nature to us. A bracha, a kind word, charity, song...everything is a vessel for godliness.

Fast forward a bit: 2019. As I grew into my adult identity, so did I into my Jewish identity. I had my 18th birthday, graduated, passed my driving test. I began to wrap my hair on Shabbat, meditate on the Sh’ma swathed in a tallit, give tzedakah. Often times I sat in the little CRC classroom and pondered on the application of my learning: how it translated into my everyday life, how it reconciled with my values as a progressive woman in today’s society...but mostly, I think, I thought about how at home I felt. I walk into CRC and immediately feel at peace; a part of a family, the member of a loving household. I walk into the sanctuary and about a dozen people are ready to greet me with big, heartfelt smiles. It melts me every single time.

Alright, I’ll quit boring you with all this schmaltz.

I’m not sure that there was one definite moment when I knew, for sure, that being Jewish was the right choice for me. In fact, to assume all that soul searching could fit into one tiny, fleeting, ephemeral moment is ridiculous...as you know from the absurd length of this letter, which is only a minute fraction of my story. Seriously, I could go on, and on, and on; but I digress. Sitting at our Sukkot celebration and dancing with all the other people, looking up through the sukkah and marveling at the hanging plants and leaves. Baking challah on Friday morning and realizing that somewhere, other Jewish women are doing the exact same thing. Feeling warm summer wind on my face, seeing fireflies flicker through the bushes and knowing that HaShem is there. Touching my siddur to the Torah for the first time and bristling, feeling as though something breathed new life into me. Group Aliyah, a guiding hand on my shoulder as we chant the brachot in clumsy unison…

Each moment (and many more, and yet more to come) reaffirmed the fact that Judaism is my home. Ruth said it more succinctly and eloquently than I ever could: Your people shall be my people, and your God shall be my God.

Randy, I never thought I’d be doing this. Ever. Looking back at the learning and growing I’ve done, reading those journals and reminiscing on my journey, I can firmly say, if you agree, I’m ready to enter this Covenant officially.

Thank you for everything, as always,

Zoë

[rileyhgoldstein]

❝ In my mind I am eloquent; I can climb intricate scaffolds of words to reach the highest cathedral ceilings and paint my thoughts. But when I open my mouth, everything collapses. ❞ 

MARGARET QUALLEY? No, that’s actually RILEY HAYES-GOLDSTEIN. A SIXTH YEAR student, this HUFFLEPUFF student is sided with DUMBLEDORE’S ARMY. SHE identifies as CIS-WOMAN and is a HALFBLOOD who is known to be SARDONIC, PARANOID, and PESSIMISTIC but also MORALLY-RESPONSIBLE, WITTY, and RESILIENT.

CHARACTER PARALLELS: Daria ( Daria ), Seth Cohen ( The OC ), Veronica Sawyer( Heathers ), Ron Swanson/Ben Wyatt ( Parks & Rec ), Quentin Coldwater ( The Magicians ), Pam Beasley ( The Office ), Zari Tomaz ( Legends of Tomorrow )

TRIGGERS: Anxiety, Depression, Parental Abandonment, Mentions of Drugs™ and Alcohol™

LIKES & INTERESTS: Cult Classics - Movies ( Heathers, Dead Poets Society, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Buellers Day Off, Cruel Intentions, The Breakfast Club, Almost Famous ), Blue raspberry Slushies, Donuts, Judaism, Arctic Monkeys, Lana Del Rey, The Strokes, The Smiths, the color blue, writing poetry, e. e. cummings, art museums, greek mythology, rmemes, Rolling joints on her favorite books, biblical mythology, astronomy, astrology ( she finds it very entertaining in a mocking way and would never admit there’s a small part of her that enjoys it ), Star Wars, black cats, black cats named Boggart, black nail polish, tattoos, carnivals, comic books, ferris wheels, puns, the sea, jellyfish, NPR every morning, going to the beach at twilight, 4 am drives, 5am runs, spliff.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Observant, Cooperative, Strategic, Witty, Intelligent, Resilient, Morally Responsible, Loyal.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Reserved, Pessimistic, Sardonic, Secretive, Curious ( it will get her into trouble ), Awkward, Suspicious.

BIOGRAPHY:  ( parental abandonment, mentions of drugs and alcohol. )

When you meet Riley Goldstein, a picturesque childhood in a picturesque suburbia in Virginia is not what you would expect and yet it was exactly what she had. Born on the cusp of summer and fall, Rachel and Christopher were over the moon to have their daughter, Riley Hayes, born on August 28, 2007. Finally, a child to complete the perfect family unit. Maybe they had hoped for a boy despite what science said ( hence the name Riley & a full name for a boy they had prepared ) but, they had a daughter and for the first ten years of her life they pampered her greatly. Trips to the coast every summer to visit his side of the family where Riley was praised for being such a pretty, good girl, and what seemed like infinite love from her father was doled out as long as she was what he wanted her to be. The younger girl was cooperative, it was in her nature it seemed, because she loved seeing her parents happy with each other. As long as Riley stayed within the lines, stayed within Christopher’s lines at least, everything would be well. Even when Riley started to develop a few habits and interests that were off the wall, he brushed them aside as childhood obsessions. Never could he accept his family for what they were which is exactly why he left.

The ugly truth was, Riley was an accident and the picture painted had been a lie – not that Riley knew until then. While she knew they had gotten married young she’d never known how much exactly her mother had given up to be with her father. Rachel Hayes had left her family, forsaken her religion ( as Christopher was a very religious Christian man ), the semi famous Goldstein Wizarding name, and moved down south into this suburbia all with the promise of a family. The biggest thing? Magic. When Christopher left a year before Riley entered school, Riley was forced to grow up and pick up the pieces of a broken lost woman who simply couldn’t find herself in the rubble that was the aftermath of her father leaving. But finding out she was an accident was the least of her worries. No matter how much poetry she wrote trying to figure out her mind, oftentimes thinking she was losing it, something within her was different, something within her felt different.

It took a few months to coax the why from her mother, and truly she was her caretaker. It wasn’t until her 10th birthday when she got the letter from Ilvermony that she realized what exactly was off. When she confronted her mother – her mother just poured everything out to her. Who Riley was, who her family was, what she was doing with her life before she met Christopher. At first, Riley couldn’t believe it – – she’d grown up hiding comics under her bed, hiding anything about the supernatural away. Even if her whole life she had felt a weird pull to these people who didn’t belong in her comics, these freaks, she never in her wildest dreams thought she’d have something concretely in common with them. It all made sense though, and finally the pieces of her life started to come together. Riley knew what she had to do, so at the age of 10, she went with her mother to Wizarding NYC to try to find out more. To try to find the family her mother left behind.

After that, everything fell into place – her family was beyond accepting, even if they gave her shit, more than she’d ever known from her dad’s family and her mom started to get better as she become more true to herself. The family reconciled, helping Riley and Rachel move into a flat in NYC, in Chinatown. Rachel got a job at the ministry as an assistant and with the help of some family members and Riley started to prepare for school Wizarding School. She’d never been more happy in her life. New York City was her home, more than her podunk shitty town ever had and she felt a freedom that made her wander the city. She felt a freedom to finally be herself. The only issue then? Riley wanted to go to a school far away from everything, because even if New York was her home, she needed to a break from being in the states. A break from all these people who knew who her family was & really, a place that was her own to find her own in the world. Sure, she had some family in the UK but there wasn’t the same pressure. Easily, she picked Hogwarts and was delighted when they accepted her no matter how far she was. Hufflepuff was the perfect house for her, even if she wasn’t the most conventional or stereotypical kind of one.

For years, she pushed away a lot of the pain she felt – she figured her pain was her own, it was selfish of her to dwell on it or even think about it when she had this new fantastic life. Only in her poetry would she divulge her feelings, only her poetry knew that she felt inexplicably lost in the world the more she saw it. Around her 14th birthday, she met two boys in school who were a bit older than her but the twins ended up being her half-brothers – as they found they shared a father. A scumbag father who’d also been horrible to them. It was then that Riley wanted to distance herself from her father even more, fiercely signing and writing her last name as Hayes-Goldstein or just Goldstein when she could get away with it.

The thing was, the reminder of her father, the reminder that he was out there ruining more people’s lives, that he was out there spawning more children really intensely messed with Riley’s head. Why wasn’t she good enough for him to stay? Why couldn’t they have been enough? It was stupid, but the thoughts started to consume her and the lost feeling just got bigger. Picking up vices like smoking, smoking pot, drinking beer like she was her own father after a long day of work, anything to escape the feeling that she didn’t really have a place in this world. Not one she could see. What was she even going to do with her life after school? What did she have to offer the world? A loneliness she could not shake slept with her at night like any blanket did, every day felt like she was smothered. Every day there was a new realization that she didn’t know what the hell she wanted to do with her life, and that she didn’t really have a place in the world. When the climate in the Wizarding World of England became a war zone, Riley wanted nothing to do with it but because of who she was – because of what her religion reminded her of  – she couldn’t just stand idly by. Riley knew that even if she was Neutral, she would fight with Dumbledore’s Army or at least be an ally to them if need be.

CONNECTION TO JUDAISM:

Judaism was once a rarely talked about religion in the Hayes house, in fact, Riley knew barely anything about the religion at all. If she had realized it was taboo instead, it would’ve been something she would’ve dipped her mind into much earlier. The Hayes family were church goers, Sundays, Easter, Christmas, that was the religious practice they followed and had been since Rachel Hayes had forgone her roots in Judaism. Once she married & became Mrs. Christopher Hayes, she lost the part of her that made her her,that connected her to her family, all because of a pregnancy that was unplanned, and a marriage that needed to happen in result of it.

Once Christopher left, Riley dug up old numbers, old things, anything she could find that would bring her mother back to herself. Here, the woman gave so much of herself to her father and Riley felt she needed to get some of her back. Anything would do, anything at all. When Riley found an old Siddur, stuffed in the back of her mother’s side of the closet, she had a pretty good idea of a way to start.

It started with looking at temples in NYC when they finally moved. All the two did was walk around, taking in the city itself. Taking in the fact that there were even so many people in one place as opposed to small town Virginia where they lived. Taking in people coming back synagogue, the dress, and while it was painful at first for her mom, Rachel slowly started to explain to Riley different things, different details about Judaism. Soon, Riley and Rachel learned together and go at least once a month for Saturday evening services as well as for most High Holidays. From then on, the rest of the Goldstein family also invited them to family event after event, Passover, Rosh Hashanah, Hannukah gatherings.  

Riley’s favorite Jewish holiday is Yom Kippur: the day of Atonement. While she knows she had absolutely no control over being born, she does feel she has a lot to atone for. A lot to cleanse from her soul. A lot of regrets, a lot of guilt for the things she’d done and the people she’s not been able to become. Like a failure, failing her family, failing their legacy. Her poetry may be fair game – it’s raw, it’s unforgiving and it’s brutal – to herself & to others. For being what she is, for being something else other than human and purposefully standing by while others cause havoc – she feels she needs to cleanse & atone for that. It’s the day that she for once feels clean, cleansed and not like the figure from Greek mythology: Atlas.

anything else

I once called her a Memelord Shitstain. I stand by that. It’s why it’s her label

If Lana Del Rey and Weird Al’ Yankovic did a duet, that would be Riley’s vibe. LOL.

Loves water. Dreams of water. Water is the best. Water would be her element if she had one in my opinion.

writes so much poetry and like 90 percent of it is shitty and tHATS THE TEA!!!!

riley is a virgo and i gave her this sign before i knew about astrology and it’s literally perfect for her

lbr is tumblr roleplaying is a thing in this rp ( META )  she’s in a marvel rp as we speak

depression/anxiety tw  Riley has some friends but due to her own issues and her antisocial nature, often she’ll disappear for long periods of time, hiding in her dorm or little parts of the castle, only to come back with apologies and explanation ( excuses ) as to why she was away. Truthfully, Riley also suffers from MDD and GA, which have only gotten worse over the years despite her trying medication after medication along with therapy. Part of her has given up, missing multiple appts, forgetting to take her medication, while a part of her wants to get better but doesn’t ever know if she can.

Riley has a natural inclination towards legilimency, her first sign of magic was actually poking around someone’s mind in a grocery store and influencing them to get her the popsicles she wanted but it’s not a developed skill in the slightest and truthfully Riley doesn’t EVER want to go into it. It’s really not developed it’s just like a fun fact. a tidbit.

Knows she has quite the Legacy to live up to and while her family is fantastic, she can’t help but feel left out of a huge ass family that grew up together and knew each other. This is really based on just her own insecurities.  

[rileygoldsteins]

i’ve literally copy and pasted my app and that’s the best i can do RN!!! pls skip to the second section if you just want to get her personality + feel with judaism ( though, there’s a lot of that in the bio too ) but !!! i’ve love to plot even though riley can def be a muse who your muse hasn’t talked to because she is pretty to herself and antisocial so if you’d like to go with that let me know!! IM JINX i also play rose!!!

❝ In my mind I am eloquent; I can climb intricate scaffolds of words to reach the highest cathedral ceilings and paint my thoughts. But when I open my mouth, everything collapses.❞ Riley Goldstein, Margaret Qualley, Almost Eighteen ( Virgo Queen! ), Seventh Year, Hufflepuff, Cis-Female, Halfblood, She/Her

PINTREST: [ x ]

BIOGRAPHY:  ( parental abandonment, mentions of drugs and alcohol. )

When you meet Riley Goldstein, a picturesque childhood in a picturesque suburbia in Virginia is not what you would expect and yet it was exactly what she had. Born on the cusp of summer and fall, Rachel and Christopher were over the moon to have their daughter, Riley Hayes, born on August 28, 2000. Finally, a child to complete the perfect family unit. Maybethey had hoped for a boy despite what science said ( hence the name Riley & a full name for a boy they had prepared ) but, they had a daughter and for the first ten years of her life they pampered her greatly. Trips to the coast every summer to visit his side of the family where Riley was praised for being such a pretty, good girl, and what seemed like infinite love from her father was doled out as long as she was what hewanted her to be. The younger girl was cooperative, it was in her nature it seemed, because she loved seeing her parents happy with each other. As long as Riley stayed within the lines, stayed within Christopher’s lines at least, everything would be well. Even when Riley started to develop a few habits and interests that were off the wall, he brushed them aside as childhood obsessions. Never could he accept his family for what they were which is exactly why he left.

The ugly truth was, Riley was an accident and the picture painted had been a lie – not that Riley knew until then. While she knew they had gotten married young she’d never known how much exactly her mother had given up to be with her father. Rachel Hayes had left her family, forsaken her religion ( as Christopher was a very religious Christian man ), the semi famous Goldstein Wizarding name, and moved down south into this suburbia all with the promise of a family. The biggest thing? Magic. When Christopher left a year before Riley entered school, Riley was forced to grow up and pick up the pieces of a broken lost woman who simply couldn’t find herself in the rubble that was the aftermath of her father leaving. But finding out she was an accident was the least of her worries. No matter how much poetry she wrote trying to figure out her mind, oftentimes thinking she was losing it, something within her was different, something within her felt different.

It took a few months to coax the why from her mother, and truly she was her caretaker. It wasn’t until her 10th birthday when she got the letter from Ilvermony that she realized what exactly was off. When she confronted her mother – her mother just poured everything out to her. Who Riley was, who her family was, what she was doing with her life before she met Christopher. At first, Riley couldn’t believe it – – she’d grown up hiding comics under her bed, hiding anything about the supernatural away. Even if her whole life she had felt a weird pull to these people who didn’t belong in her comics, these freaks, she never in her wildest dreams thought she’d have something in common with them. It all made sense though, and finally the pieces of her life started to come together. Riley knew what she had to do, so at the age of 10, she went with her mother to Wizarding NYC to try to find out more. To try to find the family her mother left behind.

After that, everything fell into place – her family was beyond accepting, even if they gave her shit, more than she’d ever known from her dad’s family and her mom started to get better as she become more true to herself. The family reconciled, helping Riley and Rachel move into a flat in NYC, in Chinatown. Rachel got a job at the ministry as an assistant and with the help of some family members and Riley started to prepare for school Wizarding School. She’d never been more happy in her life. New York City was her home, more than her podunk shitty town ever had, and she felt a freedom that made her wander the city, she felt a freedom to finally be herself. The only issue then? Riley wanted to go to a school far away from everything, because even if New York was her home, she needed to a break from being in the states. A break from all these people who knew who her family was & really, a place that was her own to find her own in the world. Easily, she picked Hogwarts and was delighted when they accepted her no matter how far she was. Hufflepuff was the perfect house for her, even if she wasn’t the most conventional or stereotypical kind of one.

For years, she pushed away a lot of the pain she felt – she figured her pain was her own, it was selfish of her to dwell on it or even think about it when she had this new fantastic life. Only in her poetry would she divulge her feelings, only her poetry knew that she felt inexplicably lost in the world the more she saw it. Around her 14th birthday, she met two boys in school who were a bit older than her but the twins ended up being her half-brothers – as they found they shared a father. A scumbag father who’d also been horrible to them. It was then that Riley wanted to distance herself from her father even more, fiercely signing and writing her last name as Hayes-Goldstein or just Goldstein when she could get away with it.

The thing was, the reminder of her father, the reminder that he was out there ruining more people’s lives, that he was out there spawning more children really intensely messed with Riley’s head. Why wasn’t she good enough for him to stay? Why couldn’t they have been enough? It was stupid, but the thoughts started to consume her and the lost feeling just got bigger. Picking up vices like smoking, smoking pot, drinking beer like she was her own father after a long day of work, anything to escape the feeling that she didn’t really have a place in this world. Not one she could see. What was she even going to do with her life after school? What did she have to offer the world? A loneliness she could not shake slept with her at night like any blanket did, every day felt like she was smothered. Every day there was a new realization that she didn’t know what the hell she wanted to do with her life, and that she didn’t really have a place in the world. Having the family members she does in New York is comforting, but, there’s still a feeling of not quite belonging – no matter how much she loves them.

II. PERSONALITY.

CHARACTER PARALLELS: Daria ( Daria ), Seth Cohen ( The OC ), Veronica Sawyer ( Heathers ), Ron Swanson/Ben Wyatt ( Parks & Rec ), Quentin Coldwater ( The Magicians ),Pam Beasley ( The Office ), Zari Tomaz ( Legends of Tomorrow )

LIKES & INTERESTS: Cult Classics - Movies ( Heathers, Dead Poets Society, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Buellers Day Off, Cruel Intentions, The Breakfast Club, Almost Famous ), Blue raspberry Slushies, Donuts, Judaism, Arctic Monkeys, Lana Del Rey, The Strokes, The Smiths, the color blue, writing poetry, e. e. cummings, art museums, greek mythology, rmemes, exchanging memes with Sahar, Rolling joints on her favorite books, biblical mythology, astronomy, astrology ( she finds it very entertaining in a mocking way and would never admit there’s a small part of her that enjoys it ), Star Wars, black cats, black cats named Boggart, black nail polish, tattoos, carnivals, comic books, ferris wheels, puns, the sea, jellyfish, NPR every morning, going to the beach at twilight, 4 am drives, 5am runs, spliff.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Observant, Cooperative, Strategic, Witty, Intelligent, Resilient, Morally Responsible, Loyal.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Reserved, Pessimistic, Sardonic, Secretive, Curious ( it will get her into trouble ), Awkward, Suspicious.

III. HISTORY / CONNECTION WITH JUDAISM. 

Judaism was once a rarely talked about religion in the Hayes house, in fact, Riley knew barely anything about the religion at all. If she had realized it was taboo instead, it would’ve been something she would’ve dipped her mind into much earlier. The Hayes family were church goers, Sundays, Easter, Christmas, that was the religious practice they followed and had been since Rachel Hayes had forgone her roots in Judaism. Once she married & became Mrs. Christopher Hayes, she lost the part of her that made herher,that connected her to her family, all because of a pregnancy that was unplanned, and a marriage that needed to happen in result of it.

Once Christopher left, Riley dug up old numbers, old things, anything she could find that would bring her mother back to herself. Here, the woman gave so much of herself to her father and Riley felt she needed to get some of her back. Anything would do, anything at all. When Riley found an old Siddur, stuffed in the back of her mother’s side of the closet, she had a pretty good idea of a way to start.

It started with looking at temples in NYC when they finally moved. All the two did was walk around, taking in the city itself. Taking in the fact that there were even so many people in one place as opposed to small town Virginia where they lived. Taking in people coming back synagogue, the dress, and while it was painful at first for her mom, Rachel slowly started to explain to Riley different things, different details about Judaism. Soon, Riley and Rachel learned together and go at least once a month for Saturday evening services as well as for most High Holidays. From then on, the rest of the Goldstein family also invited them to family event after event, Passover, Rosh Hashanah, Hannukah gatherings.  

Riley’s favorite Jewish holiday is Yom Kippur: the day of Atonement. While she knows she had absolutely no control over being born, she does feel she has a lot to atone for. A lot to cleanse from her soul. A lot of regrets, a lot of guilt for the things she’d done and the people she’s not been able to become. Like a failure, failing her family, failing their legacy. Her poetry may be fair game – it’s raw, it’s unforgiving and it’s brutal – to herself & to others. For being what she is, for being something else other than human and purposefully standing by while others cause havoc – she feels she needs to cleanse & atone for that. It’s the day that she for once feels clean, cleansed and not like the figure from Greek mythology: Atlas.

Is your character involved in any summer programs? Do you wish for your character to be a Prefect, Head Student, or a member of the Quidditch team?:

Truthfully, Riley has no clue what she wants to do with her life but she knew that she’d have to do something over the summer for her mother to allow her to stay there for the majority of it. So, after not getting into three of the departments under the Shacklebolt Internship Program, Riley submitted her writing and a desperate application to Obscurus Books Publishing and got a small internship there. She also works in an extension of her cousin Sahar’s great grandfather’s bakery in Diagon Alley.

[soyouwannaconverttojudaism]

The New Convert’s Guide to Essential* Jewish Texts

*Essential here not meaning required or mandatory, but rather, carrying the essence of Jewish learning.

Introduction

One thing that new or considering converts may find challenging about coming to Judaism is the sheer volume of text that provides a bastion of Jewish values and beliefs. In addition to peoplehood, land, and language, texts are another essential piece of Jewish heritage, cultural staples that bind Jews all across the globe.

While Judaism relies on many texts and continues to produce evolving scholarship, several texts are central to Judaism’s continuing message, and new or considering converts may find it helpful to at least be familiar with the general role and content of these seminal texts within their new tradition. The following list is by no means exhaustive, but are all texts of which I have been made aware and have studied thus far as a prospective convert within the Reform tradition--they have all informed my Jewish knowing of the world. There are other important texts out there; they’re just not on my radar yet. After describing the general role and content of each text, I have attempted to articulate how I view a convert’s responsibility to know and love these texts as they pertain to the wider Jewish world.

The Essential* Texts

The Torah (תורה) is (almost) inarguably the most central text in the Jewish world. It is composed of the five books of Moses: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. Each of these five books contains its own narrative and its own messages that continue to be relevant to the Jewish people. The Torah is traditionally read on Saturday mornings across the world in observance of Shabbat (the Sabbath). This text is read cyclically, about once per year, and Jewish communities all over the world read more or less the same section of text (parshat) each week.

Authorship of the Torah remains hotly contested across many Jewish traditions. Deeply conservative traditions may believe that the Torah was given in its entirety by G-d on Mount Sinai; more liberal and academic traditions attribute the writing of the Torah to several authors across centuries. The Torah has been, understandably, altered by translation into many different languages. The ultimate authoritative Torah, written in ancient Hebrew and Aramaic, is known as the Masoretic text. Ultimately, each Jew’s relationship to the Torah is personal. Some study it only academically and historically, and some study it spiritually.

The convert’s responsibility to the Torah: The way you learn Torah and the degree to which it is taught literally will vary with which Jewish tradition you are learning in. Many Reform Jews, for example, do not see the Torah as a literal text, and search for hidden meanings, analogies, and generalizations about the human condition within its pages. Every interpretation of the Torah is up for debate--that, too, is part of the Jewish tradition. There is really nothing vis-a-vis Torah interpretation that you, as a convert, or any Jew absolutely must believe. As someone who is converting, however, you will want to understand how the Torah has impacted the Jewish people both spiritually and historically, get a sense of how it unifies and arguably created the Jewish people, and spend enough time studying this text to understand how it maintains relevance for Jewish people across the world. The Torah is also an incredibly helpful text in developing one’s Hebrew literacy. Whether you interpret it literally or metaphorically, you will doubtless find stories and messages within the Torah that resonate with you. It is, primarily, the story of the Jewish people’s search for G-d and human meaning.

The Tanakh (תַּנַ"ךְ) is a collection of texts made up of the Torah, Prophets (Nevi’im, נְבִיאִים), and Writings (Kethuvim, כְּתוּבִים). Prophets and Writings supplement the story of the Torah; they provide biblical stories not put down in the five books of Moses, offer prayers and songs, morals and rules for Jewish life, and a vast amount of other cultural knowledge. Most traditions don’t treat Prophets and Writings with the same reverence they give to the Torah itself. However, they remain deeply relevant in modern Jewish life. The holiday of Shavuot, for example, has its precedent in the book of Ruth, the quintessential story of a woman who joins the Jewish people in Writings.

The convert’s responsibility to the Tanakh is much the same as your responsibility to the Torah. How you interpret this text is ultimately up to you. It is primarily your duty to grapple with this text, to invite its knowledge into your ways of Jewish knowing, and to understand how this text has influenced the Jewish people and Jewish life.

The Talmud (תַּלְמוּד), or Shas (ש״ס), is a much more historically anchored text than the Torah or the entirety of the Tanakh. The Talmud is primarily a book of Jewish oral law--rituals and observances that may or may not be explicitly laid out in the Torah. The Talmud also contains pertinent stories and morales, as well as sages’ and rabbinic opinions (and, of course, debates) on Jewish ritual and law. Because this text evolved alongside the Jewish people, it exists in multiple versions. The most widely read is the Babylonian Talmud (Berakhot).

The convert’s responsibility to the Talmud: Unlike the Torah, even people who are born Jewish may not be familiar with this text (granted, born Jews may or may not read and study Torah, but they likely understand its relationship to their Jewish heritage). A deep and reflective understanding of the Talmud is not necessary for a potential convert unless you are deeply interested in Jewish scholarship. Rather, grappling with pieces of the Talmud will help you learn to think of the world in distinctly Jewish ways, and will help you develop existential questions that you want to confront Jewishly alongside your chosen people.

The Mishneh Torah (מִשְׁנֵה תּוֹרָה), a work of halakhic (having to do with law and custom) literature, is the best-known text of renowned Jewish scholar Moses Maimonides, also known as the Rambam. His commentary on the scriptures features prominently in many modern editions of the Torah, and his thinking is a jumping-off point for many modern Torah scholars. The Mishneh Torah is a more accessible book of Jewish law. Written in the 12th century, an age when Torah scholarship was largely reserved for the elite, Maimonides recognized that common people needed a way to have a relationship with their sacred texts that originated their rituals and customs. He produced the Mishneh Torah (which even he refers to as his “great text”) to explain and contextualize Jewish spirituality and ritual for everyone in the Jewish world.

The convert’s responsibility to the Mishneh Torah: While the Rambam is a revered scholar and Jewish thinker (indeed, his philosophy even appears to have influenced Einstein’s thinking), the Mishneh Torah is not regarded as a divine or sacred text. Rather, it provides an interesting peek into the ancient Jewish world, and as a convert, you may benefit from its highly accessible explanations of Jewish ritual and custom. As with the Torah, the Tanakh, and the Talmud, you should understand how the Mishneh Torah came about and how it continues to be impactful and relevant in the Jewish world.

The Guide of the Perplexed is Maimonides’ other well-known text. Unlike the Mishneh Torah, Maimonides composed his guide for other elite Torah scholars and Jewish thinkers. He wrote it for his student, Joseph, who had to leave Maimonides’s tutelage before his education was complete, and so Maimonides attempted to condense all of his most cutting-edge thinking and questioning into one text. Although the average person can glean fascinating knowledge from the Guide, dedicated scholars are challenged to unlock the text’s deeper mysteries. The Guide contains everything from biblical exegesis to epistemology to massively existential considerations on the future of mankind and the nature of G-d. The Guide is not light reading; rabbinical students may spend years working on this text.

The convert’s responsibility to the Guide is, arguably, minimal. A thorough understanding of the contents of the Torah and some Hebrew literacy are required before one can seriously grapple with this text. In the absence of this knowledge, you will need a well-educated teacher, such as a rabbi, to walk you through the Guide’s many rabbit-holes and nuances. That does not mean that you shouldn’t make the attempt--the text richly rewards those who sit deeply with it. Just don’t feel that you need to tackle this text to convert wholly and successfully. It is worthwhile, however, to read about Maimonides and how his thinking and philosophies have influenced the Jewish people, both historically and modernly.

The midrash (מִדְרָשׁ) are not one single text, but a body of rhetorical history. Jewish tradition is rich with debate, disagreement, and discussion. Midrashic texts are works of commentary on the Torah, chiefly, and also on other seminal Jewish texts and traditions. The classical midrash were authored primarily at the start of the rabbinic age, but as Judaism becomes more widely accessible and increasingly scholarly, the world of midrash continues to expand. Halakhic midrash, including the Mishneh Torah, deals with the legal aspects of Jewish life, while aggadic/haggadic midrash deals with customs, stories, and other non-legal aspects.

The convert’s responsibility to the midrash is, essentially, to study it--to understand how a history of rhetoric and debate has shaped the Jewish world. If you are studying Torah, especially in weekly sessions, you may find yourself wanting to produce some midrash of your own.

A Siddur (סדור) is a book of Jewish prayer and song, usually utilized in synagogue during services, although many people study their Siddur privately or simply read it for comfort. There is no unified siddur; rather, different Jewish traditions and even different synagogues have a siddur that fits their specific needs and beliefs. A typical siddur will include liturgy for Shabbat especially, but also for other Jewish holidays and holy moments.

The convert’s responsibility to a siddur will vary by tradition and by the degree to which you are experiencing Jewish life religiously. If you plan on attending religious services at a synagogue, you can expect to be handed a siddur from which the rabbi will conduct the service. If you are coming to Judaism religiously, siddurim will contain many spiritual and religious messages that you may find helpful in your new path; if you are more secular or non-religious, singing and praying from the siddur during services is an excellent way to build your sense of Jewish community and improve your Hebrew literacy. Religious or not, you will likely find the reading of a siddur to be an emotionally enriching experience.

A piyyut (פיוט) is also not a unified text, but is a Jewish liturgical prayer or poem. Piyyutim are often meant to be chanted in a religious service. Piyyutim feature prominently in siddurim, therefore, and play a widespread cultural role in Jewish communities across the world. Very well-known and well-loved piyyutim include Adon Olam (Master of the World) and Yigdal, as both are meant to be daily prayers. Piyyutim recited for Shabbat are also widely known.

The convert’s responsibility to piyyutim is much like that of their responsibility to siddurim. These are not specifically holy texts, but possible ways for you to build your Jewish path, whether that path seeks religion, community, or knowledge. Because many piyyutim can be traced back before the rabbinic age, learning them will bring you closer to Jewish history.

Additions

The Shulchan Aruch is widely known as the ultimate compendium of Jewish law. “Shulchan Aruch” refers both to the original work by Joseph Karo, which reflects Sephardic tradition, and the additional commentaries by the Rema, which provide Ashkenazi traditions. The Shulchan Aruch succeeds the Mishneh Torah and Jacob ben Asher’s Tur as the ultimate halachic reference.

As this work has been suggested for this list and is not part of my learning as of this posting, I can’t comment on the convert’s responsibility to the Shulchan Aruch. Instead, I will suggest that considering and studying converts explore how the textualization of Jewish law has evolved over time, and what specific questions and issues in Jewish life authors such as Maimonides and Karo were responding to in compiling these codes.

Disclaimer: This author is still learning! Please feel free to reply/reblog with corrections, additions, and questions.

-Mod K

[bienstockonnativ]

Week 1

Week 1

Monday

It was right after fall boards. I was on the train with Zach, Noah, and Jeff on our way to Newark airport when I realized that I was actually doing it. I was really going to another country for a whole nine months. Now that wave of “what the hell” would continue on for at least another four days, and I don’t think will ever fully go away, but that was the beginning.

Once we got to the airport, Noah, Jeff, and Zach went off and I stayed to try and find food and then chill until the rest of the group would get there. Because I was so early I was in no rush. I ended up stumbling around for a few hours before I finally found where everyone was to meet before leaving for the gate. Noah and Jeff found me first, we waited a few hours, ate some pizza, and then finally Zoe and Deb from the office arrived and the Nativers started to trickle in.

There are 87 people on Nativ this year, the biggest group since 2013. In terms that one can understand, that’s about three USY on wheels busses- which is all of wheels basically. What they do in order to make it easier is they split you up into three tracks based on your second semester group. So I’m part of the Kfar Yemin Orde group which is composed of 32 Nativers and 3 staff members. Our little group is sort of like a mini family within the whole and a lot of what we do this year is done with them.

But back to the airport, I’m sitting there and thanking the lord that I know a lot of people going. Now it doesn’t really matter anymore, but at that first little bit- if you don’t know someone and you don’t like being friendly you just kind of sit there until you get on the plane. Eventually we all checked in and just as we were about to get through security I got this wave of what the fuck am I doing get me out of here. Having been here for a little while now, I know that everyone was thinking like that on the first day.

We met all those people who had connecting flights at the gate and started the second phase of waiting. I was still super tired from fall boards and I figured I had nine months to get to know people so I just got some food and started eating. Eventually I started being more friendly with everyone and by the time we had to go through security phase 2 (in order to get into the plane [an iIrael thing]) I had meant a bunch of new people. Deb and Zoe gave us all Siddurs and sent us off. Once we got through to the real gate we were alone, no more adults. Just us. That was a pretty weird moment.

I git on the plane and ended up sitting next to Max, a guy I went to high school with. We had the same sweater and were even listening to the same music which was pretty funny. The plane we were on was a brand new 777 on United so it was really nice and the screens were super sleek. I watched a movie or two, slept a little, listened to music, and before I knew it- 9 1/2 hours later- we were in the holy land.

And just like that, we’re onto Tuesday.

Tuesday

Once we get to Israel its already the next day. All of us are exhausted. Its 4 PM and we just woke up basically. Once we get of the plane and to customs we are put in a giant line. Eventually some lady comes over and tells us to go to the express line since we all have Visa’s. We get a pass to get out of customs and finally get to baggage claim. We collect all our bags and find our way outside where the Nativ staff are waiting.

All of this took almost 2 hours (ugh).

Keep in mind that all of us still barely know each other- its pretty terrifying being in a place you barley know with people you really don’t know, being told what to do by people you really really don’t know. Anyways I knew it would get better. We got all our bags out to the busses and through them all into a giant truck (because 3 bags per person is not going to fit underneath a regular coach bus). The ride to Beit nativ was sufficiently long so between talking to people sporadically, I fell asleep, and when I woke up we were stoped at a random place right outside Jerusalem.

We all gather around and Yossi, the Nativ director introduces himself. He explains that he stopped us there to show the differences between the old and new Israel. Jerusalem vs. Tel Aviv. And he asks us our first question “where do you fit in between this, if at all.” As you may have guessed, I don’t have an answer for that yet. Maybe I will by May 22nd, maybe I won’t. I guess we’ll find out.

We got back on the busses and eventually arrived at Beit Nativ. Otherwise known as the Fuschberg Center, otherwise known as the fuckberg centre, otherwise known as Agron, otherwise known as the home of conservative judaism in Israel, otherwise known as just plain old home for us Nativers. It also houses the pilgrimage groups when they are in Jerusalem and since I went two years ago, I was already pretty familiar with the campus. From the outside it doesn’t look so big but once your inside, you realize how much actually goes on here. There is tons of room for sessions, people to study, to pray, to live, to have fun. Its great. And not only that, its relatively central in the city. So if you want to get to the Kotel or Ben Yehudah or the shuk its no more then a 20 minute walk. Also nearby is a nice park, some pretty good pizza, a place where people often protest, the PM’s residence, the US consulate, a supermarket, hair dresser, bank, and a ritsy shopping area called mamilla.

We didn’t do much that first night. I live in the older building, 2nd floor, with 3 other guys on my track; Sam from NJ, Jonah from Portland, and Josh from St. Louis. Besides lugging our luggage all the way up to our rooms, some people went out but most stayed home. The minute after I got my bags settled and we did our mini orientation, I got to my room and passed the fuck out.

Little did I know what was to come in the days ahead.

Wednesday

Wednesday was our first real orientation day. When we woke up we did our first schacharit with our track. The Yemin Orde staff, Ethan, Cassie, and Julia explained that we would pray together for the next monthish during the mini mester and holidays seasons (More on the mini mester later). Tefilot were pretty standard and similar to USY so all good there. Later, after breakfast, we did some icebreakers with our track and finally gathered with the whole group with Yossi for our initial orientation.

Yossi explained how Nativ was about many things, leadership development, finding a connection to Judaism and Israel, becoming a better person etc… We talked about how each of us will come out of this year not with answers, but better questions- which is really what we need. There is no curfew on Nativ, but if there are outside visitors they aren’t allowed to stay on the premises past 12. We talked about drugs and drinking. Since the legal drinking age here is 18, Yossi has no problem with it outside of campus but doesn’t want anything on campus. He basically wants to make Beit Nativ a safe place where we can all come when we are tired of the outside world. Drugs are a big no no though.

I never realized how much freedom we actually had until we sat down and talked about what we do on a day to day basis. If we aren’t in school, or at a mandatory service or program, we don’t need to be anywhere. That means we have a ton of free time- or in Yossi’s terms: opportunity time. I’ll learn what that means later.

After lunch, we got in a giant line to buy and order our phone plans. It took 2 1/2 hours but I finally got to the front of the line only to discover that my phone was in fact locked still. No worries though, after getting my SIM I called my dad to sort it out and in no time at all (or some time, depending on how you look at it) I had a phone that worked in Israel! I have 20 GB of data on this plan per month as well as international calls for only 99 shekels, which is like 30 bucks.

After waiting for so long I finally had some time to start unpacking but before I got a chance to finish I went down to storage in order to pick up some stuff past Nativers left for me. Both Batya Feder and Jack Lawson left me drawers (thanks guys) which were super helpful in unpacking. Then we went on a walking tour of the neighbourhood; the staff wanted us to get acquainted with what was around us. When we got back I basically finished unpacking before dinner. And finally we got on the bus to Tel Aviv to see a Eurobasket game between Israel and Ukraine.

I was actually full blown sick at that point, from fall boards and all the travel etc… And concidering the game wasn’t so exciting I wasn’t so happy. But it was all good in the end, I ended up chatting it up with a new friend named Rachel and spoke to an old friend, Jacquie, on the bus back. And again, once we got back, I passed the fuck out.

Thursday

For the first 4-6 weeks of Nativ, the 67 members of the Hebrew U track during 1st semester take a coach bus to school every day at 8:30 am. Each of us chooses between 2 classes for our first block, and 2 classes for our second block. The third, afternoon class, is pre chosen for us as it is a tour based class that takes place all over Jerusalem. This was all explained to us by Linor, our academic advisor at the rothberg international school at the Hebrew U campus on thursday.

After Shacharit, we got on the bus and took the 20 minute ride to the university for our orientation. Once we all sat down, Linor explained how the mini mester was created just for Nativ to transition us from high school into university life. After October 15th, we will be starting our real semester with much more flexibility in terms of classes and choices but for now we’ll be doing this intensive mini mester. Every day we take the same classes until the end of the semester. Think of it like university summer school, but in September. Since we are at Hebrew U’s international school, for now we’ll be with just Nativ kids, but in October we’ll start having classes with people from all over the world.

After orientation we were given a tour of the campus buy this cool guy named Ira and then taught how to get food at the Frank Sinatra cafeteria (cool name right?). You basically get a tray and wait for the Israeli behind the counter to yell at you, then quickly yell out the main and two sides that you want with your salad and drink. After lunch, we got back on the bus to beit nativ and had the afternoon to unpack more and go do anything we needed to do.

Once I got back, I napped for a few hours but I knew that I needed to do a whole lot of stuff so I made myself wake up, got dressed and journeyed out by myself for the first time. I walked across the street, where I met Moshe the hair dresser. Since I didn’t get a haircut before hand, Moshe was kind enough to fit me into his schedule and charge me only 60 shekels for a cut. Almost half of his regular price and about $20. Once I got my haircut, I went over to the supersol to buy a kettle and a bunch of other essentials for the room. And finally I found a pharmacy so I could buy Echinacea for my cold.

A successful first day as an adult out by myself I must say.

That night was the only free night we would have before school started on Sunday so after dinner 12ish of us decided to go out. We were out until after midnight and it was super duper fun. It was around then that I first felt like I was truly finding people to talk to that were real and that I enjoyed conversing with like Aviva, Talia, Aaron, the Zachs, and so many more people. And not only that, I was finally feeling as though I wasn’t just on vacation in Israel- I finally felt like I was actually living and growing here. Once I got back, I didn’t end up getting to bed until pretty late since we were talking for a few hours. That was ok though, Friday was next and in Israel- its not a week day.

Friday

On Friday morning we woke up at 8:15 (SO LATE) for Shacharit and soon after breakfast, left Beit Nativ for the Jerusalem Hills with bagged lunches in hand. I was pretty tired but so down for a hike. Once we got there Yossi gave the safety shpiel and we were off downhill. On the way we saw naked Israelis, hot springs, and caves. This lasted for a few hours until we got to the end of the hike near the Hadassah Medical Centre. Finally, we found a place to eat lunch while waiting for the buses to take us back and then arrived back at beit nativ.

I went out Friday afternoon with the intention of doing productive things but ended up putzing around Jerusalem while walking a whole lot. I went to ben Yehudah, the shuk, got lost a little bit, and finally back at Beit Nativ just in time to get ready for Shabbat. What I didn’t know then, that I now do is that most stores close really early on Fridays (who knew lol?). Once I got back I put my empty bags into storage and ran up to my room to get dressed for shabbos.

Shabbat was magical, let me tell you.

After we took pictures at beit nativ, we walked over to Yemin Moshe, a really nice area overlooking the old city for Kabbalat Shabbat and Mincha. I stood next to Casey, a girl in my track, who I helped follow along in the siddur. As she came from an orthodox background, our conservative tunes were super confusing to her but it was all good in the end. I love Kab Shab so I was singing my heart out the whole time. As the sun went down Yossi explained the value of a community and how Nativ will not only give you a community, but a place to discover where you fit in the great tapestry of Israel.

When we got back to Beit Nativ, we had a beautiful shabbat dinner and sicha with our staff. Then, we had our first Nativ Tisch which was a beautiful experience. Think of Tisch as ruach but less weird and high schooly. Later that night, I was planning on just chilling with friends but a bunch of people wanted to go to the Kotel. I didn’t really love the idea of traversing the old city at night, considering I have no idea where I’m going in there. But due to some quite persistent friends I was on my way with joggers, a flannel, socks, and sandals in toe.

It takes about 20-25 minutes to get from Agron to the old city and another 10ish minutes to find the Kotel. I almost turned back at least three times, but thankfully my friends brought my through and got us to the Kotel. Once we got there, Louis gave an inspirational speech that wasn’t really inspirational but made us look cool. The 3 boys and 6 or 7 girls split up to get to the wall where we all had a few moments.

I was stunned.

I mean, I had been to the kotel three times before- But as you walked closer, you could feel the power and history of the structure, the area, everything about it. I close my eyes, and felt thousands of years of history reverberating through my whole body- a feeling so indescribable that I’ll just have to leave it at that.

The kotel was relatively quiet at 12 AM but there was at least two circles of guys singing in their respective tischs. Once we met back with the girls, we were joined by Cassie and Noah and ending up chilling in the plaza. We sang songs and even took off our shoes and lay on top of each other. While singing a random Israeli came and lay next to us and later, a different Israeli came to teach us a song with his friend (who happened to have went to Ramah in America [yay jewish geography]).

There was one sour part of the night. The guard on our way into the kotel complex made my friend Emily take off her Kippah as he said that it was dangerous to aggravate the orthodox. She reluctantly took it of but such an event definitely goes to show you that there is so much work when it comes to the government and Rabbinate accepting different denominations in Israel, especially at such universal places like the western wall. Just some food for thought.

Anyways, once we were done we walked back to Beit Nativ but instead of going straight to bed (because who does that) I spoke with Cassie until 2:30 am.

Saturday

Yesterday was less magical then Friday but still pretty cool. First of all, I woke up only 5 minutes before we had to go so I had no time to shower, to put on different clothes then the other day, eat anything, or wake up. So 10 minutes later, when we were on our way to shul I was feeling pretty crappy. Keep in mind I was still sort of sick at this point.

I chose to go to Shira Hadasha, which is an Egalitarian Orthodox Synagogue in the German Colony about 20-30 mins walking distance from beit nativ. How can it be Egal and Orthodox you ask? Well they have a mahitzah because they believe that men and woman distract each other during prayer. BUT, both women and men wear talitot and lead the service. There is a table right in the middle of the mahitzah where both women and men can lead as well as read torah. Its a little strange, but in a more traditional country like Israel it makes more sense then what we are used to.

Shul ends at 11/11:30ish but we couldn’t stay that long so our group left at around 10:50 in order to get back to beit nativ for a program before lunch. In Yemin Orde’s program, Yossi led us in a discussion about our relationship with Israel. By going around the room we answered questions he asked but did not discuss with each other, for the conscious and intentional purpose of making sure we don’t have time to respond to the people around us; that way we are only worrying about ourselves and our own answers.

After a much needed lunch, we had free time before the rest of the day. I took that opportunity to sleep, which I did for 2 1/2 hours. After that we did Mincha, Seudah, Maariv, and finally Havdalah with the occasional Yossi rant in the middle. On Nativ I’m finding payer services more boring and purposeless then I ever have. I honestly don’t understand why we do it the way we do- I don’t really connect with it at all and I know there are better ways that I can connect to Judaism and God. But what do I know… I still have another 9 months to figure out my place. 
When shabbat ended, me and a bunch of friends went to find Pizza and Icecream so we could chill at Beit Nativ and watch a movie. After some work, we found Pizza and although we didn’t end up watchning a movie we did chill until 12ish. it was around then that I went to find some other friends before sleeping at 1:30. After all… Tomorrow would be our first day of school!

Sunday

Today was our first day of School! From here on out, night time fun will be at a minimum as mini mester is pretty intense. This morning I was introduced to my first two classes.

The first one is all about Jewish philosophy in reference to our relationship, or lack there of, with god and the land of Israel. The teacher has clearly been doing this for a long time, he knows his teaching style and how to communicate his ideas. It may be hard to grasp but boy was it interesting. Apparently I was so into it that I was making verbal noises and bothering people around me (sorry guys).

The second class wasn’t as good as the first partly because the teacher was less engaging and partly because the subject, jewish history, has been mostly covered at CHAT over the last four years. In this course we focus on the early modern period between the dark ages and modern times.

Later that day I regesitred in the library so I could take out my first book for readings while trying to figure out how the hell my 2nd teacher wants us to get the readings. She mentioned something called a moodle? Whatever that hell that is; and thought that we knew exactly what she meant, which was annoying. Its fine though, we have every day for the next month to figure everything out.

University is pretty cool so far, but at the same time 1. I can’t count the credits, 2. The classes are so small that it feels like high school, not to mention we can ask a lot of questions randomly, and 3. its only been one day.

Tomorrow is our first FULL day of school which includes our afternoon Jerusalem course. That course will take us all around Jerusalem with a teacher so that we aren’t just sitting in desks all day.

Anyways, the day isn’t over yet but besides doing some homework and chilling around the neighbourhood- I don’t have too many plans.

__

Nativ has been pretty cool so far. Like anything in life, its simultaneously strange, amazing, annoying, lovely, freeing, and constricting. Its a whole new experience in a land that I know only so well with people Ive just begun to scratch the surface with.

If I can learn this much in a week, I don’t even know what the next 9 months have in store. All I know is I think I’m ready now so lets go!

And tune in next Sunday for next week’s review!

[a-phantombones]

I’m late with these intros but they’re all made with love. Here’s an intro for Riley Hayes-Goldstein! TRIGGERS: parental abandonment, mentions of drugs and alcohol. 

MARGARET QUALLEY? No, that’s actually RILEY HAYES-GOLDSTEIN. About to begin SEVENTH YEAR, this HUFFLEPUFF student is sided with THE LIGHTNING INSURGENCY/THE NEUTRALS. SHE identifies as CIS FEMALE and is a HALFBLOOD who is known to be PESSIMISTIC, RESERVED, and SARDONIC but also WITTY, INTELLIGENT, and MORALLY RESPONSIBLE.

“In my mind I am eloquent; I can climb intricate scaffolds of words to reach the highest cathedral ceilings and paint my thoughts. But when I open my mouth, everything collapses.”

LIKES & INTERESTS: Cult Classics - Movies ( Heathers, Dead Poets Society, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Buellers Day Off, Cruel Intentions, The Breakfast Club, Almost Famous ), Blue raspberry Slushies, Donuts, Judaism, Arctic Monkeys, Lana Del Rey, The Smiths, the color blue, writing poetry, e. e. cummings, art museums, greek mythology, rmemes, olling joints on her favorite books, biblical mythology, astronomy, astrology ( she finds it very entertaining in a mocking way and would never admit there’s a small part of her that enjoys it ), Star Wars, black cats, black cats named Boggart, black nail polish, tattoos, carnivals, comic books, ferris wheels, puns, the sea, jellyfish, NPR every morning, going to the beach at twilight, 4 am drives, 5am runs, spliff.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Observant, Cooperative, Strategic, Witty, Intelligent, Resilient, Responsible.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Reserved, Pessimistic, Sardonic, Secretive, Curious ( it will get her into trouble ), Awkward, Suspicious.

When you meet Riley Hayes, a picturesque childhood in a picturesque suburbia is not what you would expect and yet it was exactly what she had. Born on the cusp of summer and fall, Rachel and Christopher were over the moon to have their daughter born on August 28, 1999. Finally, a child to complete the perfect family unit. Maybe they had hoped for a boy despite what science said ( hence the name Riley & a full name for a boy they had prepared ) but, they had a daughter and for the first ten years of her life they pampered her greatly. Trips to the coast every summer to visit his side of the family where Riley was praised for being such a pretty, good girl, and what seemed like infinite love from her father was doled out as long as she was what he wanted her to be. The younger girl was cooperative, it was in her nature it seemed, because she loved seeing her parents happy with each other. As long as Riley stayed within the lines, stayed within Christopher’s lines at least, everything would be well. Even when Riley started to develop a few habits and interests that were off the wall, he brushed them aside as childhood obsessions. Never could he accept his family for what they were which is exactly why he left.

The ugly truth was, Riley was an accident and the picture painted had been a lie – not that Riley knew until then. While she knew they had gotten married young she’d never known how much exactly her mother had given up to be with her father. Rachel Hayes had left her family, forsaken her religion ( as Christopher was a very religious Christian man ), the semi famous Goldstein name, and moved across the country into this suburbia all with the promise of a family. The biggest thing? Magic. When Christopher left a year before Riley entered Hogwarts school, Riley was forced to grow up and pick up the pieces of a broken lost woman who simply couldn’t find herself in the rubble that was the aftermath of her father leaving. But finding out she was an accident was the least of her worries. No matter how much poetry she wrote trying to figure out her mind, oftentimes thinking she was losing it, something within her was different, something within her felt different.

It took a few months to coax the why from her mother, and truly she was her caretaker. It wasn’t until her 11th birthday when she got the letter from Ilvermony that she realized what exactly was off. When she confronted her mother – her mother just poured everything out to her. Who Riley was, who her family was, what she was doing with her life before she met Christopher. At first, Riley couldn’t believe it – – she’d grown up hiding comics under her bed, hiding anything about the supernatural away. Even if her whole life she had felt a weird pull to these people who didn’t belong in her comics, these freaks, she never in her wildest dreams thought she was one. It all made sense though, and finally the pieces of her life started to come together. Riley knew what she had to do, so at the age of 11, she went with her mother to Wizarding NYC to try to find out more. To try to find the family her mother left behind.

After that, everything fell into place – her family was beyond accepting, even if they gave her shit, more than she’d ever knew and her mom started to get better as she become more true to herself. The family reconciled, helping Riley and Rachel move into a flat in NYC, in Chinatown. Rachel got a job at the ministry as an assistant and with the help of some family members and Riley started to prepare for school Wizarding School. She’d never been more happy in her life. New York City was her home, more than her podunk shitty town ever had, and she felt a freedom that made her wander the city, she felt a freedom to finally be herself. The only issue then? Riley wanted to go to a school far away from everything, because even if New York was her home, she needed to a break from being in the states. A break from all these people who knew who her family was & really, a place that was her own to find her own place in the world. Easily, she picked Hogwarts and was delighted when they accepted her no matter how far she was.  

For years, she pushed away a lot of the pain she felt – she figured her pain was her own, it was selfish of her to dwell on it or even think about it when she had this new fantastic life. Only in her poetry would she divulge her feelings, only her poetry knew that she felt inexplicably lost in the world the more she saw it. Before Riley was to turn 14, a boy, who claimed to be her brother showed up on her doorstep. Not soon after, her father was there looking for him. Rachel and Riley didn’t know how to process this all but one thing they knew was that they couldn’t let Ellis go back to him. Go back to his horrible environment. Seeing as Ellis was of legal age – they kicked Christopher’s ass out the door and though he tried to put up a fight, they were finally a family, Ellis included, and they fought harder. It was then that Riley wanted to distance herself from her father even more, fiercely signing and writing her last name as Hayes-Goldstein or just Goldstein when she could get away with it. 

The thing was, the reminder of her father, the reminder that he was out there ruining more people’s lives, that he was out there spawning more children really intensely messed with Riley’s head. Why wasn’t she good enough for him to stay? Why couldn’t they have been enough? It was stupid, but the thoughts started to consume her and the lost feeling just got bigger. Picking up vices like smoking, smoking pot, drinking beer like she was her own father after a long day of work, anything to escape the feeling that she didn’t really have a place in this world. Not one she could see. A loneliness she could not shake slept with her at night like any blanket did, every day felt like she was smothered. Every day there was a new realization that she didn’t know what the hell she wanted to do with her life, and that she didn’t really have a place in the world. When Kingsley Shacklebolt was murdered and the climate in the Wizarding World of England became a developing war zone, Riley wanted nothing to do with it but because of who she was -- because of what her religion reminded of her -- she couldn’t just stand idly by. Riley knew that even if she was Neutral, she would fight with her friends if need be, and give information to the Lightining Insurgency because it was the right thing to do. 

RILEY & JUDAISM:

Judaism was once a rarely talked about religion in the Hayes house, in fact, Riley knew barely anything about the religion at all. If she had realized it was taboo instead, it would’ve been something she would’ve dipped her mind into much earlier. The Hayes family were church goers, Sundays, Easter, Christmas, that was the religious practice they followed and had been since Rachel Hayes had forgone her roots in Judaism. Once she married & became Mrs. Christopher Hayes, she lost the part of her that made her her,that connected her to her family, all because of a pregnancy that was unplanned, and a marriage that needed to happen in result of it.

Once Christopher left, Riley dug up old numbers, old things, anything she could find that would bring her mother back to herself. Here, the woman gave so much of herself to her father and Riley felt she needed to get some of her back. Anything would do, anything at all. When Riley found an old Siddur, stuffed in the back of her mother’s side of the closet, she had a pretty good idea of a way to start.

It started with looking at temples. The first month, Riley’s mom drove into Bethesda, Maryland. All the two did was walk around, taking in the city itself. Taking in the fact that there were even so many people in one place as opposed to nasty Bellbrook, Virginia where they lived. Taking in people coming back synagogue, the dress, and while it was painful at first for her mom, Rachel slowly started to explain to Riley different things, different details about Judaism. Soon, Riley and Rachel learned together and go at least once a month for Saturday evening services as well as for most High Holidays.

Riley’s favorite Jewish holiday is Yom Kippur: the day of Atonement. While she knows she had absolutely no control over being born, she does feel she has a lot to atone for. A lot to cleanse from her soul. Her poetry may be fair game – it’s raw, it’s unforgiving and it’s brutal – to herself & to others. For being what she is, for being something else other than human and purposefully standing by while others cause havoc – she feels she needs to cleanse & atone for that. It’s the day that she for once feels clean, cleansed and not like the figure from Greek mythology: Atlas.

ADDITIONAL INFO:

I once called her a Memelord Shitstain. I stand by that.

If Lana Del Rey and Weird Al’ Yankovic did a duet, that would be Riley’s vibe. LOL.

Never learned how to swim really but often dreams of water and loves water a lot.

Has four and half friends, two are NPCs, one of them being her half brother, Ellis and her childhood friend Ethan. The other two are Isa Potter and Gage Hamilton. Though, Riley is open to more friends OKAY PLS she’s just bad with them 

Riley has a natural inclination towards legilimency, her first sign of magic was actually poking around someone’s mind in a grocery store and influencing them to eat a random frozen meal on accident but it’s not a developed skill in the slightest and truthfully Riley doesn’t EVER want to go into it. It’s really not developed it’s just like a fun fact. 

A PLAYLIST FOR RILEY:

How Far I’ll Go ( cover ) by Alessia Cara

Miss America by Ingrid Michaelson

If I Believe You by The 1975

We Exist by Arcade Fire

Fake You Out by Twenty One Pilots

Here by Alessia Cara

Young God by Halsey

What’s Up? by 4 Non Blondes

Stay Awake by London Grammar

Change - Lana Del Rey

[awellboiledicicle]

I feel it’s very telling about where i am in life that the first thing i had my character do once I got out of Vault 111 was to go on a dead run to my house and go “HOLY FUCK-- CODSWORTH YOU HAVE A HUMAN BODY” “As I live and brea--” “HOW ARE YOU LIVING AND BREATHING. HOW. THE WORLD ENDS AND ROBOTS TURN INTO PEOPLE?” “...no” [deep breathe, sits on ground] “ok explain while i slowly die” “Mum-- don’t--” “I’m not really dying” “i know i just” “i ran too far ok shh, talk”

Because i have a Gen 3 Codsworth mod and i’d like to imagine the following happening: He just groused for 200 or so years about how nothing in the Institute was cleaned properly for so many Passovers, bothering people about how ‘Young Shaun’ should be doing due diligence on his Torah study as well as his academics and getting flustered when they tell him to piss off because this robot, really. Keeps trying to teach him things, but since he probably really only went with me to shabbot services while i was carrying Shaun, he only knows some of the prayers and words. The gen 1 and 2s that grabbed him didn’t grab the neatly sealed up box he had put my books in. Not all of them made it, but my Torah, my siddur, a couple books about history were in there.  He’d managed to try explaining things to Shaun when he could-- insisting that “Your parents would have loved to take you to temple and meet their Rabbi! Simon was a very kind man.”  And then when they were making the first Gen3′s Shaun requested that all the data in Codsworth’s files be uploaded into a body. Ostensibly, to see if it’d work, but also because because Shaun does want to know more about his family and the Institute has... iffy trust in old world tech.  I imagine he was originally put in Sanctuary to spy on how i was getting along once thawed out, but he just proceeded to set up in the ruins of the old house and have a long emotional cry for a while that I rudely interrupted by having an asthma attack.

Then we both acknowledged that there were things in Concord, that the world went to hell, that Cryogenics was a finicky beast and i had no solid proof Shaun would be alive, let alone trackable but if Codsworth was there i would try. Just once i did a thing. That thing was tearing down literally every structure in Sanctuary except the house across the street because i’m headcanoning that they were a nice elderly couple that, while they were christian, were very nice and chill about things. We sent baked goods back and forth. 

So like, every couch and comfy chair possible was put in that house and then i made myself a barn house on that first foundation by the sanctuary sign, with greenhouse windows as a half-second floor and a pitched glass roof. I covered the walls with art, the floor with all the rugs i found, I put a new bed in, a desk, a few bookshelves, a couch and chair. I ringed the whole space with Fancy Lights and set up a dining area, a sink, put potted plants inside and outside the door. Two oil lamps outside the door and a couple around for Aesthetic. Then i set about putting as many ‘keep out’ signs as i could find while presumably talking to Codsworth like i was doing a monologue about the futility of trying to be a Jewish Hermit.  “Ah yes. ‘Keep out!’ Don’t come in here-- there might be food and a warm spot to sleep in the nuclear apocalypse. ‘Stay back, we have knives’, yes with which i’ll be cutting bread that has flour made of this.. whatever this mess now called corn is. Beware! Yes, you run the risk of being grandmothered.” “Are you alright, mum?” “Are you done rigging up those drones we found in the Smith’s basement?” “Yes actually.”

So yeah i’m kinda making it hermitville, but hermitville is going to be protected by 7 level 99 vertibird drones, each the size of a turkey that do 90 damage a bullet shot and circle high and wide enough that they kill super mutants off by Abernathy Farm, and also the Longs in heavy armor with plasma rifles. Every family has it’s own house set up to their personality, on the place my house used to be is a mass house for people waiting for me to build them a house. Plenty of food and water.

What i’m saying is I don’t know how to be chill in Fallout 4 and the more i learn about Judaism, the more i’m pretty sure that i would never physically leave a small town in the wasteland and would instead just slowly build a town of people that had no other idea what to do with me than to live near by because they think i’ll die if they don’t but we just end up making a patchwork community and i rain fire and justice on anyone that threatens said community.