#i want to dedicate my life to educating people on and protecting these cool natural communities i am sooooooooooo. autistic

[rotpunks]

im like an intersectional social justice activist but for vegetation ecology. babe no you have to understand the impacts on the high elevation outcrop barrens from this activity will be major. crawling around on my hands and knees when i see a bunch of rocks with some sedges on it. going to see some lichen and bryophyte cliffs and boulderfields next week

[vivid-wisp]

You know how it be suffering from big brainrot being into FNF so I’ve compiled a list of ideas for the characters. This is more so for myself but thought I'd share some of my ideas. Take this as you will, these headcanons are based on educated guesses, actual lore, or just for fun. I also really like explaining my reasoning for some stuff so be ready for that. Long post. :]

Boyfriend / BF

- Is asian specifically Japanese, based on the idea how the dev team like to agree Hatsune Miku is BF’s canon sibling. Can also be asian American.

- Despite his appearance BF is actually somewhat physically strong and capable. If he can’t rap battle someone he’d be down to beat someone up, based on the idea how PA (Phantom Arcade) says he sucks at FromSoftware games and would rather throw down IRL than in video games.

- Him and Pico were exes, but they dated when they were WAY YOUNGER, and this was before when BF or Pico knew how to handle a relationship properly. Pico was the one to call things off. (more on Pico’s section) They may still get kind of flustered around each other.

- For most of his childhood, BF never really felt like he stood out. It leads into the reason why he likes singing since it ironically feels like he's being heard, despite not really liking to talk a lot. He was a very quiet kid back then. He'd always liked singing and rapping, he just wasn't put into a position of intense judgement until meeting GF's father and mother, rockstar and ex-rockstar. Training arc begins.

- BF took courses/majored in music design or sound design in college, but dropped out to spend more time with Girlfriend and practice his musical talent himself seeing as it felt more natural than doing boring classes.

- Despite what people think, BF doesn’t dye his hair. It WAS a different color but a shade, like a lighter blue color when he was younger. (Based on Ninjamuffin/NM's recent AMA answers)

- BF owns a dog, not specific but definitely a large breed of dog that stays at home and is taken care of by his parents. He loves a lot of pets and animals, especially anything blue.

- It’s no surprise BF isn’t the smartest, but this comes from a place of putting on the “bad boy” act and being told he’d never make it anywhere in life so he never tried. BF is really a soft guy who deep down has a good heart and just wants to show his appreciation to the person (GF) who makes him feel okay knowing you don’t have to be the best.

- BF actually CAN speak, but chooses to be selectively mute. More so because he’s not the best when it comes to words, and he’s never felt the need to talk. Don’t expect much because like in Week 6, it’ll likely just be random noises he makes or his signature “beeps!” He still reacts, just with noises. (we ignore the logic of him singing it just sounds like beeps to us the players while everyone in universe perfectly understands) [just saw NM's recent AMA I GODDAMN CALLED IT LET'S GOOOO]

Girlfriend / GF

- GF unsurprisingly, has a very wealthy background and in turn family too. So she’s no stranger to most expensive things. This doesn’t mean she won’t appreciate anything BF gifts her, in fact she’s more than appreciative of anything if it comes from BF her love.

- May or may not be a demon like her parents but she doesn’t want to scare BF, and also has slight appearance anxieties about it so she chooses to hide it by staying in her “human” form. She's self conscious of appearing like a demon, and doesn't want to scare people away just based on her look.

- So yes GF can and will in fact beat you up, a lot more than BF if she really wanted to. Especially if she went into her demon form.

- Also not the brightest, due to her extravagant background she’s been so spoiled to the point where everything is handed to her on a silver plate. Which also means her intelligence. They're both himbo/bimbo dynamic I don’t make the rules sorry.

- Actually really good at singing herself too, she’s a bit more wonky with rapping but she’s still good. Ties into the fact GF is the first to teach you how to rap/sing in the tutorial. If she really wanted to, she would destroy BF in a singing battle.

- Kinda aloof and can be apathetic, but more in the sense of “oh cool" instead of a "not caring" feeling way. Like moving on from something that was most definitely not cool like oh my god does that monster with bloody human teeth have a lemon for a head-

- Absolutely adores the large height difference between her and BF. She loves picking BF up suddenly and swinging him around. It’s cute and funny to her. (BF likes the height difference dynamic too but he'd never admit it)

Pico

- Pico never went to college nor finished, instead he takes up jobs from around the city as a mercenary. He's so skilled to the point it pays well enough he doesn't really need a job. He owns a small apartment.

- He likes spending time when he's not on the job, around BF and GF but this is more so at a distance. He does hang out with them, but don't expect him to show up automatically by their side. Like maybe once a week.

- Despite his original job to kill BF, Pico is very protective of BF and looks out for him albeit distantly. He knows BF can handle himself, but he will risk jumping into a situation if BF needs help. ONLY when he needs help.

- Pico still spends time with Nene and Darnell, but this is more so as an acquaintance thing. They're still friends, but all three of their jobs (as assassin and mercs) make things kind of awkward and distance from one another.

- Pico has a lot of untreated trauma, whether that be PTSD, schizophrenia, OCD, etc, a lot of it is very untreated. While Pico is aware he has some mental health disorders he's not aware of ALL of them. He frankly doesn't care nor does he really feel like dedicating the time to properly help himself, which stems from his upbringing in his childhood, "deal with it" attitude back then. He doesn't think it's a big deal, even though deep down he knows he should seek help. Especially after hanging out with BF and GF who, unsurprisingly, are (relatively) normal in the head unlike his friends Nene and Darnell. His disorders disrupt his everyday life and living routine, he can have a lot of very bad days.

- Pico is a wannabe DJ, he likes to sing and rap but prefers the latter and likes listening to music more rather than doing it itself. When he was a kid he liked BF for his passion for singing and rapping, and admired him in a way.

- BF and Pico went to the same elementary school, and were very much friends. After the events of Pico's School, Pico acted very different than how BF knew him, and somewhere along that path BF and Pico decided to date each other when they were in middle school (at 13-14). This was very much a hasty decision and didn't end well. Pico was the one to break things off due to knowing he couldn't handle the responsibility of another person, especially in a relationship. He had too much on his plate already from the trauma that still haunted him, and also was around the time Pico told BF he would be getting homeschooled instead after many years of decision with Pico's parents. It was best to end things before they'd spiral and get worse.

- While BF was heartbroken, he knew it was for the better even if he was upset for quite a bit. After Pico became homeschooled and left middle school, BF noticeably became more quiet until he'd meet GF near the beginning of high school. Pico and BF tried to keep in contact, but eventually naturally just fell out of touch with each other, both too busy with their own lives now. Pico never really resolved his whole feelings issues, which still show up when he'd meet BF years later again but knows those feelings are best left behind.

- While Pico was very surprised and shocked to see BF again despite being commissioned to kill BF, BF himself was too busy being caught up in seeing an old friend again. Whether that be BF was either too dumb to realize he was being killed or because he was genuinely very happy to see his old friend again, the two had a small reconcile after so many years and decided to rap for old time's sake.

[diamondcitydarlin]

I am just...honestly fascinated by this sudden ‘change of heart’ with Guillermo tho in regards to being a familiar and becoming a vampire, there’s a lot going on there and a lot to unpack, and I’m hoping somewhere in the depths of what is about to be a long, directionless rant I’ll find the clarity I haven’t seemed to quite grasp yet. 

ALSO I’M SORRY THIS IS A LOOONG ASS POST BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT IT UNDER A READ MORE AND SUBJECT INNOCENTS TO MY BLOG LOL, BUT I’VE TAGGED ACCORDINGLY 

So, I already made a post about ‘Collaboration’ and some of the interesting subtext we get within that episode. Mainly, that this episode is an interesting one for Guillermo because he finally gets what appears to be and should be (at least at first) the opportunity he’s always been waiting for. To this point, across seasons, Guillermo has driven home that his one and only aspiration in life, the reason he tolerates an endless, shitty position, is because he hopes to become a vampire. He’s wanted it since he was a kid. IF HE CAN’T BECOME A VAMPIRE, WHAT HAS THIS ALL BEEN ABOUT?? 

If it was as simple as just wanting to become a vampire by any means necessary, leaving Nandor for this golden opportunity should have been as easy as taking off an ill-fitting pair of shoes...but it wasn’t that, was it? When Nandor pretended to shuck him off as if it didn’t matter, Guillermo got angry and sad in equal measure and only really brightened again when Nandor came back and promised to do better by him. Not necessarily set down a concrete timeline for the ‘becoming a vampire’ thing though, but Guillermo didn’t seem to care about that all that much anyway. Interesting. 

Now we’re able to see a version of things in which Guillermo is being treated better as a familiar, but rather than this development improving his mood he seems all the more aware of the fact now that...maybe he doesn’t even want to be a vampire anymore. Maybe he’s wasting his time here. Maybe he needs to swim towards open waters, so to speak. 

Very similar to Nandor, Guillermo, I think, is not really aware or fully accepting of the inner workings of his own mind. He strikes me as a character that does a lot in the way of burying the truths of himself so far down, he even convinces himself that part of who he is doesn’t really exist- even when it does, and drives a lot of his actions. The show plays to this by only ‘showing’ us concretely how much Guillermo wants us to know, with only small hints and nods to other things going on. That fits and rings true to the norm for a mockumentary style of filming/writing, in that the audience has to rely on a lot of subtle cues from the subjects to figure out what’s ‘really going on’ with a character or plot line; the ‘camera’ in a mockumentary style piece is as much of a visceral, present character as anyone else in the cast and is treated accordingly (but then, like 99.99999% of human beings have seen the entirety of The Office and Parks and Rec, so yall know this already) 

I think part of the way to figuring this all out is to ask why Guillermo wanted to be a vampire in the first place. His answer to this would probably be something along the lines of ‘because they’re cool’ which, you know, valid. That would be a fitting and satisfying answer if, say, I had given it because there was a time when I was about 4-6 years old that I, too, decided I would grow up to be a vampire. Because it was ‘cool’ and aspiring to anything else seemed boring. Again, valid. For someone who has dedicated pretty much ALL of his adult life to apprenticing into vampirism based on a childhood dream that never died? THAT begs a bit more of an in depth reason, I think, to which for now we can only guess. 

I’ll try to make an educated one based on what I believe is going on here, that Guillermo himself is either not aware of or not ready to share with the cameras: I believe his drive to want to become a vampire, given it was based in childhood flights of fancy (and probably some Guillermo-self insert/Armand fanfics, let’s be hONEST) was rooted in a need to feel respected and powerful, at the heart of things. When we first meet Guillermo, and for much of season 1, we see that he’s quiet, subservient, meek, and we learn briefly about how he was bullied in school. I think Guillermo was raised to be this way and use silence/subservience as his only defense mechanism, which may also go a long way to explaining why he’s so reserved. For 10 years, I think it was enough for him to tell himself that everything would be better for him once he became a vampire, he’d have all the things he never had as a human. Respect. Appreciation. Power. Control over his own life.

That said, things have changed quite a bit for Guillermo since season one. While learning that he had Van Helsing blood came as an unpleasant shock, embracing and exploring that side of himself proved that he’s actually kind of a bad ass even without being a vampire. He only ever wielded this power to protect Nandor and others so far, but it is a power nonetheless, this agility and strength that is too great for even VAMPIRES to successfully fight back against. He’s also a smart cookie that knows how to manipulate a situation, something that he’s been using a lot this season too. So, power, then. He has it already. Respect he received from his vampire-hunting group. 

But that still leaves appreciation and, dare I say it, maybe even affection/love. I think there’s a part of Guillermo that wants to feel like he’s accepted and cared for, but even when it’s offered (by groups like his vampire hunting clan, or Celeste’s vampire community lol) he seems to shy away from it going too far, like it’s just too much or ill-fitting coming from people he barely knows. Given that he’s a private, introvert type this makes sense. 

One thing has remained consistent for Guillermo though, across both seasons and episodes, and that’s his seemingly unwavering concern and affection for Nandor. Even in this last ep when he’s unashamedly shucking off duties that don’t fit his job description and maintaining those professional boundaries like a BOSS, he still snaps to and gets to work the moment Nandor is kidnapped. Laszlo’s gone? Meh, who cares, not his jurisdiction. Nandor’s gone!?? Fuck it, he’s getting the keys. A ‘vampire’ offers him the opportunity of a lifetime to become a vampire quickly and live within an accepting community of likeminded people and Nandor told him ‘go for it’? He’s upset that Nandor didn’t fight harder to keep him. 

So now he’s back and Nandor’s making a consistent effort not to abuse Guillermo’s position. This seemed the ideal resolution at the end of ‘Collaboration’, but after a couple of weeks it becomes clear that it wasn’t. For some reason. Guillermo’s no longer satisfied and thinks maybe it’s time to do more with his life. 

I’ll try to sum up the points I’ve made so far into a concise version of where I think Guillermo’s at right now, at least subconsciously; mostly all the things he hoped that turning into a vampire would grant him, have already been granted. He’s learned that he’s strong, smart, capable as is, more than he or anyone else had ever given him credit for. I think it makes sense that his burning need to become a vampire has begun to ebb into a quarter-life crisis of questioning who he really is and what he really wants, because the dream he nursed for so long has turned out to be pretty shallow and maybe not even necessary. He realizes there’s more he could be doing than working tirelessly to an end goal that no longer seems so sweet. 

But that leaves the ‘affection’ and ‘acceptance’ elements dangling in space, held up by his own affection for Nandor that has yet to be really defined. It’s pretty clear that Guillermo is nursing it hard, but what is the nature of it? Even as his sense of loyal devotion to a cause has started to fade, even as his view of Nandor as this unflappable role model has begun to disappear too bc he’s starting to see Nandor for who he really is (a himbo idiot that he can outwit, outmatch without even trying hard) this raw affection still remains. It’s still important that Nandor fights for him. It’s still important that Nandor is safe and protected.  

And, as with the rest of these things I mentioned, I don’t think Guillermo is even really aware of how much he cares about Nandor, how much it drives his actions and thinking, how important that relationship is to him. It’s easier to just sort of...ignore that and pretend it isn’t a factor, that’s Guillermo’s modus operandi when it comes to complicated feelings. 

I think back to that line from season 1, wherein Guillermo’s kind of musing wistfully about how different his life might have been if he’d stayed at Panera Bread/in a stable job with pay and benefits, but then handwaves that all away with ‘The heart wants what it wants’. By this point in the show he was already kind of drifting away from the goal of becoming a vampire (whether he realized it or not). 

The heart wants what it wants indeed, Guillermo, but maybe it’s not really ‘becoming a vampire’. Maybe it’s something else entirely that keeps you tied to this house, this thankless ‘job’. 

At this point, I really cannot say for 100% certain what I think will happen next with Guillermo. This show has proven solid at pulling out unexpected plot twists I wouldn’t have seen coming, but then, I also have been pretty good at predicting where they’re gonna go with things. Like 7/10 lmao. My two theories right now are: 

He’ll become a vampire in the series finale- unwillingly, maybe by accident. This one I think is plausible because it’s a bit of a kick in the pants. It’s the outcome he’s wanted for SO LONG but has just realized maybe it’s not all he can do or wants to do. I could see a situation where, idk, maybe Guillermo expresses to Nandor his thoughts lately about moving on from this and, in an act of stupid desperation, Nandor thinks maybe if he changes him that’ll keep him in his life, so he does it while Guillermo’s asleep and then surprises him when he wakes up...only to find out maybe that wasn’t actually what he wanted anymore, but UH OH what’s done is done. This could provide a lot of tension in the next season, I think. But as it’s a bit of a ‘shocking’ twist type route to go, I can’t be certain this is what they’ll do. Kind of a toss up. 

Guillermo leaves to pursue something else, which the camera crew will follow and document. This is the ‘sensible’/’safe’ route that most scripted shows would take, I think, in this situation...but again, I’m not certain about this one either because Shadows is known for throwing us for a loop and this seems a liiiittle predictable. It’s also very similar to what JUST happened in episode 8 and, were I writing the show, I’d worry it would come across as redundant. Like, maybe we already did this angle and should explore other options to keep the audience on their toes. Also, as much as they love putting Harvey with new casts of characters for episodic stories, I’m not sure they’d transplant him from the main cast for an extended period of time because he’s part of what makes that dynamic run so well. But then, the synopsis of the finale does say that vampires have to ‘survive without Guillermo’ while preparing for an event, so this may happen in some small, episodic measure again.   

Anyway, to wrap this up into a conclusion, I don’t think I’m wrong in predicting that Nandor/Guillermo’s relationship has been set up in such a way as to keep us guessing, sort of a Sam/Diane, will-they-won’t-they type thing that will remain a constant throughout whatever happens next, but will require both characters growing independent of each other in their own respective subplots. At this point, it has always remained consistent that Nandor and Guillermo prioritize each other even when it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t think either of them are ready to realize, accept, and sort through the layers of what they feel for each other. The master/servant dynamic makes that difficult, I’d imagine, so I think inevitably we’ll see the show start to pull them away from that. All I’m saying is, if whatever is going on between them wasn’t VERY complicated it would’ve been resolved as whatever it is a long time ago. Nah, there’s some deep, repressed shit they’re ignoring collectively for whatever reason, and usually that points to something that will, at some point, become romantic. Either way, to understand Guillermo is to keep a close eye on how his dynamic with Nandor grows and changes and I’m, as ever, VERY eager to see how it does. 

[yhmisun]

*//𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒆: introducing 𝐘𝐄𝐎 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐔𝐍!

hi petals 🥰 i'm so thrilled to be here with you all and bringing you this gullible little lioness!i promise i'll get to all ims soon, but my alias is penny, my pronouns are she/her and i'm in the est tz! this is my bby misun - the very soft-spoken principal of kwangsook academy. despite the shady way she ended up with it, she quite loves her job, as well as all the students and faculty at kwangsook :D i will have her full bio up sometime soon, but for now, you can find some relevant links and some bullet points under the cut! if you'd like to plot something out, feel free to hit the heart so i know and i'll come buzz you in ims! tw - brief mentions of death cw - workplace affair

statistics. // bio. // headcanons. // plots. // musing blog. // pinterest.

━  ❖ (kim ahyoung “yura,” cis female, she/her) hey thank you for coming to town hall to update your information yeo misun! you’re a citizen correct? good to know! are you enjoying yourself around yunhwa? you’ve been staying here two years right? i’m glad! remind me, are you born on 14/12/1992? we’re so lucky to have someone so dedicated around as a principal at kwangsook academy even if sometimes you can be credulous. hope to see you around the house #3034, hwesakgu!

born and raised in busan, the city was imbued in misun's veins. she was in love with how the highest skyscrapers mingled with the clouds on overcast days and how life always seemed to be racing by. her childhood was a happy one, as she gained a younger brother and sister along the way.

her mother was a science teacher and her father a commercial fisherman at the local dock. it wasn't uncommon for him to be gone for weeks at a time in order to bring an income into the household, so misun was often left in charge of her younger siblings. it was something she thrived at honestly, as she'd always had this nurturing way about her. she didn't even argue with her siblings much, she mostly just played peacekeeper when they fought amongst themselves.

she ran through the typical cycle of dream occupations as any child would. she had a particularly tight grasp on astronomy for awhile, but she also always appreciated her mother's work in the field of education.

misun could be be rather mild-mannered, but she loved to run free in the yard, as if the fence that boxed it in existed in another realm entirely. as she grew older, she picked up several hobbies that always seemed to lend to a tranquil state of mind, as it was her favorite feeling in the world. painting and surfing were two of her favorite things to do, once she learned the basics of them. some of her most cherished memories of her father were the trips they took to the beach whenever he was home for the week so that he could see what she had learned for himself. she'd never forget the proud smile he wore.

[tw:death] she was fourteen when her father's boat sank in the korea strait, he and all of his crew being lost in the tragedy. they were at least able to hold a funeral for him; and misun always knew it was something that could happen in the logical side of her brain - but that was rarely the side she wanted to agree with. it was extremely hard on the family for his already too brief presence to have lessened to nothing, and it was years before any sense of normalcy was felt. [end tw]

it was fortunate that misun was so prone to being a parental figure in the household, as she was able to help her mother with her brother and sister while the woman grieved. it was simply in misun's nature to forego her own feelings to give another what they needed.

there was a desperate need for the lost income to be restored in some way, as her father had been the primary breadwinner for the family. her mother's salary as a teacher simply wasn't going to hold four people afloat in the city for very long. misun spent years juggling her workload in school along with working part-time, putting her all into not only bringing home good grades that her mom could be proud of, but helping to keep the family's bills paid, as well.

by the time she graduated, misun had excelled so much in her studies, that she was offered two different scholarships, both of which would have easily covered the expenses of attaining her degree, a miraculous offer for the family who had no way to afford college for any of the three children in it.

the college experience was everything misun had hoped for; a chance to better herself, find herself and take a bit of a break from the full workload she'd been carrying for so long. she still worked part time, so that she could slowly add to the college funds of her brother and sister while she attended school herself, but it was nice to have such a heavy focus on her studies.

she'd come to find that she wanted to go beyond teaching. she enjoyed the thought of administrative duties in the school system; fighting the good fight so that students could always have the help they needed to prosper. it wasn't just about filling their brains with meaningless facts they'd forget over a summer anymore - it was about making sure they had the tools to make it in life.

while she did receive some brief classroom training as a teacher in her initial transition, once misun got her master's degree, she was able to fill the position of principal at one of the schools in the city. she fell in love with it immediately, as it fit right in with her facilitating nature. she had a knack for keeping the peace around the school and making sure things ran smoothly so that all the teachers and other faculty could do their jobs properly.

she even had a positive working relationship with the local school board and her superiors, one of whom seemed to have taken quite a shine to her. he'd find any opportunity to speak with her, even about the silliest things. it was quite odd for misun to see him go back and forth from a very personable man to a very stuffy superintendent on an almost weekly basis, but there was definitely something charming about him.

before she really knew it, he'd swept misun off her feet entirely. suddenly they were sharing their lunch breaks at romantic cafes and making excuses to see each other during inconvenient times. misun always saw the best in people, and the things she saw in him made her feel love on an intense plane. she felt special with him; wanted. she might have said he'd broken down all her barriers, if she'd ever bothered to put them up.

as sweet as the feelings were, she supposed she knew the relationship was inappropriate considering that he was practically her boss. still, she didn't want to let go of the happiness she felt, and that she thought he had felt to.

it wasn't long before he informed her of his suspicions that some of his co-workers had an inkling he was having an affair with one of the school faculty members in the area. he seemed to know it was only a matter of time before the truth would come out, so he would cover his tracks. he would make sure no one ever found out.

initially, they were only meant to 'cool things off' a bit so that the suspicion would die down. admittedly, if word got out about them, misun knew it would be quite the scandal, and he may have to step down from his position. it seemed like the logical thing to do to lay low for awhile.

she didn't see the next part coming, though; apparently it had been decided that she would take the hit entirely, in order to save them both. her superintendent had crafted the brilliant plan to transfer her to kwangsook academy out in the small town of yunhwa and away from the city that she'd always known and loved. she wouldn't have to worry, he'd told her. the job was all but hers after the glowing recommendation he gave her. 'thank goodness, right? now you won't have to face any humiliation.'

she was confused, hurt and more angry than she had ever been in her life. as lovely as yunhwa was, it wasn't her home back in busan. it wasn't her school district. why was it her life that had been uprooted, and hers alone? was he suffering any undesired changes in his life in the city? did he even care at all that she was gone?

still though, misun's resilience remained steadfast, even after her heart was broken. as bitter as she was about the forced move, she'd been given a job to do, and she was going to going to do it right. getting used to the small town lifestyle has been a major adjustment for her, but she's not really one to complain about her circumstances.

two years on, and she remains in yunhwa, functioning as the head of kwangsook academy. as lost as she'd felt initially, she's come to fit in at the school at last. she's a rather amicable person who gets along well with the other teachers and staff members. she's always willing to lend a helping hand when it's needed, and is extremely dedicated to making sure the school has everything it needs in the way of funding, materials, healthy lunches and meaningful extracurriculars. as unassuming as misun can be sometimes, she's very protective of her students!

[iyeolie]

kdrama recs!

although i already have a tag for my favorite asian dramas in general (check out here if you want) i wanted to make a post dedicated to the dramas i’ve watched that hit differently.... i’ll explain

these dramas aren’t necessarily my fave of all time or at the very top of my fave list, but i did enjoy all of them a lot. the dramas on this list are the ones i enjoyed from start to finish, every episode, practically every scene. the ones i did not want to end. they were easy to watch and the struggle to not click “next episode” was real. so if you’ve got nothing else to do maybe check one or two out!

          ‣  goblin

starring : gong yoo, kim go eun, lee dong wook, yoo in na, yook sungjae

plot : kim shin is turned into a goblin tasked with protecting certain people from the life of misery. the only way to end his immortal life is to find his bride that can set him free of his sword. kim shin accidentally becomes roommates with a grim reaper, wang yeo, and as natural enemies the two clash. ji eun tak is a high school student who is able to communicate with the dead. she gets involved with the goblin and grim reaper. could she be the goblin’s bride who holds the power to release him from his eternal misery and set his soul free?

thoughts : this is my number one (1) fave kdrama and drama over all! it has everything: unique plot, interesting characters, humor, drama, fantasy elements... this is the drama i’ll always recommend to anyone and everyone. there’s not a dull moment and there is always something that grabs your attention. the depth to each character is crazy and how they all connect is insane. you grow close to them all and end up routing for them with all your heart. couldn’t recommend it enough.

          ‣  high-end crush

starring : jung il woo, jin se yeon, yoon bora, lee si eon

plot : choi se hoon is the ceo of an entertainment company and knows his stuff well. he is very arrogant and doesn’t take no for an answer. yoo yi ryeong lives alone on a mountain and doesn’t have any desire for money and fame. the two cross paths and se hoon ends up offering yi ryeong a contract from his company, she rejects him. the determined businessman won’t give up on her and ends up developing feelings along the way. can two people from different worlds come together?

thoughts : the fact that i almost didn’t watch this drama will haunt me forever. i’m sO happY that i gave it a go. i expected nothing but ended up with so much. this mini drama made me laugh and cry, and took me on a hell of a ride. the story between the couple is hilariously sweet and melts my heart. jung il woo stole my heart with this drama, he did an excellent job as the lead and his character made the drama what it is. if you have 5 hours to spare i highly recommend this one, enjoyed every second.

          ‣  hospital ship

starring : ha ji won, kang min hyuk, lee seo won, kwon min ah

plot : song eun jae is a capable surgeon at a large hospital in seoul. due to circumstances she ends up quitting her job and boards a hospital ship that provides medical care for locals in rural villages. on board are army doctors who have unwillingly been assigned their posts, except for kwak hyun, who volunteered. although eun jae has a cold personality, she is perfectionist and very skilled. with her on board, the hospital ship is able to admit patients and help with the most critical medical problems, all while out at sea.

thoughts : honestly i didn’t have any expectations going into this one, but i was pleasantly surprised. all the different characters clashed together and made the story very interesting, everyone came together and became an unexpected family. all the cases they dealt with were just insaane and made the drama so entertaining to watch! they always had the odds against them but somehow made in through them. very addicting.

          ‣  extraordinary you

starring : kim hye yoon, rowoon, lee jae wook, lee naeun, kim young dae

plot : eun dan oh is a student at a prestigious academy. one day she discovers that the world she’s living in is a fantasy world of comics, and she isn’t even the main character! she is only an extra and the writer has set her up with a lame story line that she doesn’t want to follow. dan oh realizes she is one of the few characters that are aware and tries to change the story to free herself from the writer’s grip. she meets a nameless student, number 13, who dan oh thinks can be the key. they work together to try and change their fates, but this comes with a price to pay.

thoughts : this drama was almost impossible not to watch one episode right after another! suuch a cool plot and it was hard to try and predict what was going to happen next. the drama kept its secrets very well and dragged it out, making you as a viewer really miserable wanting to know more, but this is what made it so good. things uncovered slowly but surely and you changed your mind about things over and over. big brain energy on this one!

          ‣  cinderella and four knights

starring : jung il woo, park so dam, ahn jae hyun, lee jung shin, son naeun

plot : eun ha won feels alone in the world and has poor contact with her father and stepmother. she lives a hard life trying to find ways to pay for her education. she gets involved with the three famous and rich cousins : kang ji woon ; a rebel-minded loner, kang hyun min ; a playboy money machine and kang seo woo, a sweet singer-songwriter. because of ha won’s non-nonsense personality, the cousins grandfather thinks she’s the perfect person to discipline his spoiled grandsons to get along with each other. however in the process ha won finds herself in the middle of a quadrangle love story.

thoughts : man, honestly this drama is THE reason why i’m even making this list. i was hooked from the start and STAYED hooked the entire drama. park so dam being the queen she is played her character so fantastically, i love how powerful and confident her character is. how different the cousins personalities were made it hilariously interesting to watch. i myself fell in love with each guy and had the hardest time picking who to root for! second and third lead syndrome is real. this is the one drama that i can honestly say i did not want to end, i’d watch this forever if i could lmfao

          ‣  falling for innocence

starring : jung kyung ho, kim so yeon, yoon hyun min

plot : kang min ho is a cold-blooded corporate raider who treats his workers and people ruthlessly. he is self-defensive and a suspicious sociopath, but he suffers from heart problems and is expected to die in the near future. unless he gets a heart transplant from a suitable donor, he is done for. kim soon jung’s fiancé gets into a car “accident” which ends in fatality. luckily for min ho, the fiancé is a match and min ho gets another shot at life. after the heart transplant, min ho starts to notice changes in his behavior : a rare result of heart transplants. he ends up falling for soon jung and she teaches him the meaning of true happiness and what love is. are his feelings really his, or the memories from the previous owner of his heart?

thoughts : i thought this drama wasn’t gonna be anything out of the ordinary going into it, but i was wrong. the character development the main character went through is one of the best ones i’ve seen and very inspiring at that. how he went from night to day because of his transplant was really something to witness. jung kyung ho killed it obviously and made his character believable. seeing how the characters deal with the situation made me not being able to stop watching.

          ‣  one spring night

starring : jung hae in, han ji min, kim jun han, joo min kyung, lim sung eon

plot : lee jeong in decides to prioritize happiness in her life. she has a long time boyfriend who wants to marry her but she’s not so sure what she feels. to treat her hangover one spring night, she goes to the pharmacy. yoo ji ho is the pharmacist who ends up helping her. ji ho is a single dad and unsure whether a woman could want a man like him. he however immediately becomes interested in jeong in and does whatever he can to meet her in person. the two fall in love despite their situations. the two however now have to deal with the obstacles that family, friends and society sets for them.

thoughts : this drama is like a warm safety blanket for me. i started it on a whim, skimming through netflix just wanting to watch something before bed. i ended up clicking on this and booy am i happy i did. it’s a nicely slow-paced, sweet and romantic love story which touches your heart in the best way. the whole vibe of the drama is just... i don’t know how to describe it’s just... chill?? and nice?? and comfortable?? it was my night time drama before bed, so i have nice memories from watching it. loved their love story. also a+++ for the osts!!!

         ‣  madame antoine : the love therapist

starring : sung joon, han ye seul, jeong jinwoon, hwang seung un, lee joo hyung

plot : go hye rim is a famous fortune-teller known as “madame antoine” and insist she is spiritually connected to the late french queen marie antoinette. choi soo hyun is a highly awarded therapist specialising in women’s psychology. coincidentally, his psychological treatment center is also called “madame antoine”. soo hyun develops an experiment with the hypothesis that love does not exist. he tricks hye rim into participating in the experiment to study her behavior when approached by three different men. however, hye rim isn’t told what the experiment is about and doesn’t know that the men’s feelings for her are fake, or are they?

thoughts : a fortune teller and therapist love story?? sign me the f up!!! i loved seeing these two bicker every other second but overcoming their differences to be with each other. this couple is really what they mean by “you’re hot then you’re cold”, it was on, off, on, off all the time, but i also couldn’t be mad at it. the drama was easy to watch and i couldn’t not click the next episode. all characters were extremely likeable and made me wanna be friends with them too rip. after finishing this one i kinda wanna learn some psychology tricks..... they were both really cool ><

[musicbizgradstud]

week ONE - kinda (you’ll see what i mean)

Wowzers. We are really out here. I would content that this is the end of the first week. I got to meet my classmates, take one class, do an assload of reading and meet my first classmate IRL. And I’ve done some thinking about what the hell this program is about. Some of which has been really nice and wholesome, and some of which leaves me with a lot of question marks. 

=]

Okay just took a hit from my blunt lets goooo. 

It’s 2020 and I’m a college student. My school luckily has been fairly communicative about the “expectations.” So pretty early on in the summer we knew that we were going to be online. That this was going to be a virtual exchanges. Now I’ll admit that I had a fair share of blind optimism of it all going to be “fine” and it all going to “work out great.” Without giving too much thought to what any of that would really feel like or mean. So as people were asking me what it’s like or how I was feeling about it, I found that question complicated because I Was figuring what i wanted my answer to be, but i didn’t know if I was going to like it. (I guess i wanted to like my answer which wasn’t the question. ah well.)

I met with a second year student to buy some books from them (side not buy the 2nd edition of winogradskys book, trust me). They were a little older, did a career pivot and entered the program. The previous career was not related to music at all. They had an internship turned job, a research gig, and managing “a few” artists. ONE YEAR. HALF OF IT IN A PANDEMIC. now i don’t know the steps, pace or how it went down. I just feel compelled to say that a lot happened and as I see this person next I’ll comment that I just am flabbergasted that they accomplished so much. Was the info they got from classes that helpful? Did they have a rich friend? Did the profs turn it out? I have some thoughts. 

**so classes did a lot to simulate thought, provide examples, and share information. So for this particular student, they emphasized the extra-circular aspect as what was important. The classes provided them tons of the nuts and bolts. Contracts, parts of the business, publishing, rights mgmt. There were lots of shows. (This is what i see as the kicker) Going to shows is where you could see people participating in their projects. Meet/see their friends who are in their orbit. Get an idea of how the world turns in a few different scenes. Through that, since you’re more or less an adult, you can make those kind of contacts faster. People just generally seem more interested in what you do, and trying to find tethers or connections b/t them and you. Sometimes it turns into a coffee. Or a biz meeting. But at the shows, people are chill. people are down to chat with randos. As a music business student, you can totally market your skills as a manger. You basically see the world of music and the ways it makes money. Great managers want to make money. So as a graduate educating/ed strapping young manager, you have a leg above other young strapping managers. And for the internship, depending on the program, I can actually see lots of companies wanting to keep people around for more than a semester if the work they do is good. It might not be full-time or dream paychecks, but it gets your resume started and due to inertia, you may be able to stick around. it is also, as a side note, helpful in terms of creating a center of gravity. 

CENTER OF GRAVITY: When I worked in coffee, after about a year and a half, I had built my center. I worked for a certain company full-time so i spend lots of hours there. People who worked for other companies in the same industry would come through. The ones I was friendly with I would take more care to say hi and hear about how they’re doing. On my days off, I would visit them at their jobs, and even at the later stages, I would be interacting with them On a professional2professional basis. As my company grew and our “scene” grew, as I would be building my week to week schedule all things felt in sync. Going out was an easy thing to arrange, getting people together was simple to arrange because everyone’s life rhymed. All ended work at a certain point. All started basically around the same time. All encountered similar day to day #1 world probz. There were also natural breaks where when i needed to get away to visit a friend or different group, i could break the rhyme and rejoin it almost effortlessly. So in regards to music. Once that rhyme gets established, your work breeds interaction with local people/places/activities/cultural moments/movements etc. Then you take those common understandings to others who work, and your play becomes an extension of your work, but in a meaningful way (you choose who you’re cool with to chill). You figure out what is the “go-to” hangout, you are socialized enough to be comfortable making choices that suit your needs. Not feeling overly worried about what a decision might mean or if it’ll negatively effect you. Life becomes similar. Then as my world felt more established, it even felt easier to meet other people. They saw my life and its patterns and I could glimpse and see theirs.

What is fascinating right now is that I am getting used to a completely different style. I don’t understand it. I don’t know where I fit. I don’t even know if there is a fit right now. 

 We finally when they hosted orientation for all 30 of us last Monday. The moment where I would meet the next “cohort” of professionals entering the music industry. It was an hour long zoom call with 30+ participants. 30 of us students and four or so faculty/staff members. It was hectic and gnarly to say the least. So many new faces, marred with expectations of what I thought they were going to be like meeting the reality. Lots of working people. I think what is pretty evident is that with the exception of three or so students, of those working in music right now, everyone is loaded with the side hustles. Being a “project manager/marketer/label mgmt/etc. Etc.” To some of those people I’m just amazed that they feel they have enough time to dedicate to full-time school. We did a little ice breaker where we did names, where were calling from, undergrad degree, “fun fact” (I h8 fun facts. Like what the fuck). I didn’t take notes, but I saw the whirl of information, people and backgrounds from all over the place. There were no two similar people. It was actually pretty beautiful. The power that this cohort can have on sheer experience alone is pretty fab.

///

First class was hilarious because we all reintroduced ourselves (kind of for the prof), but in a big way for all of us. We got to see faces, hear names and context. So no hate here. The prof had sent out  three questions to keep in mind. These questions lead me to do additional research outside of the assigned readings. So i had a jumbled pil;e of thoughts assembled and the prof started a question as a line of thinking. Difficult to track where the conversation was going, I saw classmates pipe in, sharing experiences, thoughts, real-world examples. I was just fit to be tied. I had so many thoughts. I didn’t voice a single one because i dind’t know how to use the technology to my advantage. (Next time i’ll use the chat to pipe in an additional thought, but if i have an urgent or concept changing idea i’ll raise my hand. 

The debate was 1st amendment protections vs. copyright. Copyright is a limited length monopoly over a creative work. 1st amendment rights guarantees an individual the right to express themselves w/o worry of damnation. But what if what you want to express is a copyrighted material? Well. There are a few things that the law sets up to give temporary lapse to that limited monopoly. Sadly, systematically those lapses in the law, have generally benefited white creators/performers and left behind style-defining black and colored creators. The law not benefitted them as a Jim Crow feeling law. But as a problem with how the law was interpreted and acted on by companies in the scene. How they used the law to make a profit. To give an example. Little Richard is often considered the father of rock and roll. The ways in which he influenced later generations is unparalleled. Set up an industry that is making millions of millions of dollars. Talk about cultural relevance right? You would think someone (or their estate) that has their style and influence in so many places would be sitting pretty. Well. The law only guarantees you to so much. If you were a songwriter, you are compensated for a number of rights. Public performance/mechanicals etc. These rates are set by the government. You can calculate pretty easily where your payout is. But it is ONLY for a few streams.Right now the rates are pretty low, they’ve been set low for a long time.So lets say you are lucky and you are Also the recording artist.well cool! You get another pot of royalty money from the exploitation of your recording which contains your vocal flair, aesthetic energy. It’s great. Those rates are also set, but in a private negotiations. So your rate could be pretty high. Oh you also get lump sums of money against advance so there is cash flow™️. The other advantage is that if you aren’t the songwriter, you can benefit almost seemingly MORE than the writer because you have streams that are attached to you because you offered a “performacne” of it and that is what sticks with audiences. So sadly songs written, stylished and performed by little Richard originally can be re-purposed, re-recorded basically copying and the songwriter is obliged to allow you to do this. In fact publishing companies really can’t give an F. They get additional mechanical royalties but it just *FEELS* wrong. You can copy a Black artists style, voice and dance moves for the profit of your creative pursuit and only compensate them in a monetary way that for the record is *incredibly* low for the sheer amount of value that is being copied? 

That’s the delimemma that i want to paint this week. there are a number of these things that just feel wrong, but due to the protections that the law provides, it is perfectly legal and oftentime encouraged by capitalism to do. So the behavior becomes justified and left alone. 

So value. Where does it come from? How is it recognized in this moment? Who is it taking from? How are they apart of this chain? Do they know or communicate with who they’re coping? The “recorded-music-part” of the music industries future will have to answer these questions. Is it fair? How could it change? Makes me want to work in rights management to really understand how these decisions are getting maid. So maybe a publisher, that new org that is going to disperse mechanicals really really interests me. So maybe I’ll work for them :) 

Alright That’s all for now. Looking to meet more peopleIRL. People have their head in the game. Everyone who I’ve met does have their head in the game, but I can’t wait to meet more. Talk soon. 

[icequeenjules26]

Digging in the sand, looking for Gold

Summary: When Dan's Beach-Volleyball partner retires, he's not sure how to continue his career. By coincidence he meets the aspiring Youngster Sascha, his best friend Marcelo and physiotherapist Phil, who shakes believes and rules Dan has lived by for all of his life. Suddenly, Dan's life becomes a lot more complicated...

Word Count: 11,8k

Tags: Strangers to lovers, Slow Burn, Fluff, a bit of angst

A/n: This is my first fic for this year's @phandomreversebang! Art is by @penisdinosaur, beta'd by @rubberbandx, big thank you to both of them!

Read on AO3

For as long as Dan could remember, sand was everywhere. 

  Even when he wasn’t currently on court, when he was training in the weights room or running his laps on track, jogging in the morning, even on vacations - there was always sand. He could feel it in his clothes when he moved, no matter if he had actually worn them on court yet or not. He could see - hear it trickling out of his hair when he shook his head, even right after a shower. There was sand at the bottom of every bag he owned, used for training or not - it didn’t matter. 

  Sand was his everlasting companion, like family members - they were always there, and sometimes they showed up out of nowhere even when you definitely did not want them to.

  But even though sandy clothes or bags usually meant displeasure to normal people, like an itch they couldn’t scratch, to Dan it was comforting - it was home. It was that little piece of his life that he brought everywhere, that he couldn’t shake even if he wanted to; it was his sign of belonging. Whenever he felt foreign, strange, he’d see a few grains of sand, like the Universe showing him You’re not alone. You belong.

  Other people would look at him funnily whenever he mentioned it and his own rationality told him how absolutely insane it sounded, but it didn’t matter. It was the way he felt.

  As long as the sand would follow him, he would be okay. 

  That’s why his partner’s retirement hit him even harder. Sure, he could search for a new partner, could try to find someone else he had this on court connection with, someone who knew what he’d do before he knew himself - but not only the improbability of that was a big dampener. They were a Team , him and Markus, had always been; all the way from the sightings matches in their youth to where they were now: training for Olympia. Even though  it was still a long way, and if he wanted to, Dan knew he could do it… It was more the way there that made Dan question if it was even worth the effort. 

  It was his life’s dream. It was everything he’d ever worked for, the only thing he’d ever wanted to achieve. He’d never cared much about education, graduations or even degrees. He had dedicated his life to this sport, had given it his all for several years - just to get thrown off course basically only moments before achievement.

  He didn’t blame Markus for any of it, obviously. He had torn the front ligament in his right knee, which would take several months to recover from, and had several other projects in the making, a musical career to fall back to and an amazing husband that supported him every step along the way. 

  He wasn’t like Dan. 

  Dan had nothing but his goal - he was nothing but his goal. 

  He drank, breathed, lived this sport, and he wouldn’t have quit had he been the one getting injured - but he wasn’t, and finding a perfect partner was harder than recovering from an injury. Chances were he’d never find anyone else who understood him on court like Markus did.

  So, naturally, the situation hit Dan like a brick wall and metaphorically had him lying in a ditch somewhere for several weeks. He put off looking through the documents of the aspirants his trainer had sent him, just flipped through them halfheartedly, barely noticing what he saw before he gave up and frustratedly threw them in the vague direction of his desk.

  He slumped around at home, missed training sessions and basically stopped strength training altogether. He even shortened his morning and evening runs. Only in the night, when the sun sunk below the horizon and normal people went to sleep, all the energy he hadn’t used over the day caught up with him; he became agitated and restless until he finally gave in and went for a jog. 

  It was during one of those midnight runs that he met Sascha. 

  Dan was running through the park a few blocks from his apartment, letting the night air cool his skin and ruffle his wild locks. As usual, he didn’t pay much attention to where he was going - nor did he even look. His eyes were up in the clouds, watching them as they drifted by, getting illuminated by the almost full moon standing proudly up in the sky. He knew this park like the back of his hand, could probably run his way through with closed eyes and covered ears, so he had started on his usual route and let his feet do the rest. 

  Panic ’s This is Gospel just started playing when there was a strange cracking noise that had Dan fearing for his headphones - he’d literally justbought new ones, they couldn’t seriously be broken again already?! - then something colliding with him mid-step and suddenly, he found himself sitting on his ass.

  For a second he was completely disoriented, unable to even distinguish between up and down, just sat there, blinking like an idiot.  Then his brain caught up with his body, his sight cleared and he could make out a figure standing over him. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry. Fuck, I didn’t look where I was going -” A male voice started rambling and a hand reached out to help Dan up. 

  Dan took the offered hand and got pulled to his feet. The first thing he noticed was the height difference - which was basically nonexistent. The guy was tall , almost as tall as Dan, which said something, and fairly athletically built. “Hi, nice to meet you - I’m Sascha.” 

  That’s how it all started - somehow it spiraled from there. 

Sascha insisted to buy Dan a drink for the inconvenience, even though it was as much Dan’s fault as it was his, at least in Dan’s book. They started talking, and it didn’t take Dan too long realize he was a Beach Volleyball player like himself. When he asked about a partner Sascha just shrugged and told him he hadn’t found the perfect one yet - and a plan started building in Dan’s head. 

  Half an hour later they had a training session scheduled for the next day, numbers exchanged and on his way home, Dan’s steps felt a lot lighter. 

  The training went even better than anticipated. From the first minutes on court Dan understood Sascha and vice versa, and Dan had rarely felt this connected to a person that wasn’t Markus on an athletic level. Sascha was a few years younger than Dan and not officially seeking a partner, so he hadn’t been among the documents Dan had gotten from his trainer, but he was adamant to try out this partnership, wherever it would lead them. 

  Dan’s trainer met with Sascha’s and it was settled - they’d be going through a month long trial and training period, but Dan already knew this partnership was what he’d been searching for. 

  It didn’t take too long to discover his new partner didn’t only come with fresh energy and new plans, no - he also came with a bunch of associates. There was Mischa, his older brother and one of Dan’s biggest rivals since forever, almost immediately offering to bury all bad feelings and try to be friends, which Dan agreed on without a second thought. There was Marcelo, Sascha’s best friend and training partner - also the one Sascha gazed at whenever he thought no one was looking, and Dan made a mental note to ask him about it as soon as a foundation of trust had been built. 

  And last but not least, there was Phil - tall and handsome Phil, with a black quiff and striking blue eyes and a smile that basically lit up the room. He was Sascha’s physiotherapist and tested Dan’s restrain to the max. 

  Dan’s first rule had always been no dating - no distractions on his way to gold. For years it had held up; no relationships, only sex, no strings attached, but within days Dan could tell upholding that rule would only get harder with Phil around. 

  Overall the group was so tightly knitted that Dan wondered if they’d even find room for him. He had always been somewhat of a lone wolf, but something about them made Dan want to belong . 

  And no, it was not the fact that Phil was too hot for his own good and Dan regularly forgot his own name when he looked at him. Not at all. 

  Well, at least not solely that… 

  ___

  For some time things were calm.

  Training with Sascha was going well, great even. The connection on court Dan had felt from the very first minute wasn’t wavering, and he was more than happy about having found a new partner that seemed to fit even better than the last one. He even felt like he finally got somewhere with the group - they started inviting him to outings, Marcelo included him in jokes and Phil had seemingly made it his goal to make Dan lost for words any chance he got.  Only Sascha seemed still a bit wary of him - at least in the group. He was incredibly protective of them, even though he was the youngest, and had trouble trusting Dan for a reason that was beyond his imagination. When Dan had asked Phil about it, he’d smirked and told him it was just a matter of time, but he was getting more and more agitated.

  About two weeks after Dan and Sascha started playing together, the group talked about going to a nearby pub to celebrate something, but Dan hadn’t paid much attention since he hadn’t expected to be invited. 

  As he made his way to the locker room, Phil surprised him by suddenly appearing in front of him, looking more than excited. “Dan! We’re going out for a couple of beers. Wanna come?”

  For a few seconds Dan just stood there, stunned, blinking at Phil like he’d spoken latin instead of english. He risked a look at Sascha and Marcelo to confirm - while Sascha looked a bit miffed he still smiled kindly and Marcelo nodded invitingly. “I - I mean - Sure,” he stuttered out and Phil’s pale blue eyes shined so brightly that for a second, Dan was blinded.

  About half an hour later they arrived at the pub and placed orders for the first round of beer. Dan, still not sure what the occasion was, opened up the conversation. “So - what are we celebrating?” he asked and the table had mixed reactions. While Marcelo’s previous wide smile seemed to dim a bit - Dan was convinced that man would probably smile in the face of death, he’d never seen him not smiling - there was a wide grin on Phil’s face and Sascha… 

  Dan couldn’t believe his eyes. Was he really blushing ? What was happening ?

  It was Phil who took it upon himself to catch Dan up to speed. “So, a few years ago -” 

  “I was really young!” Sascha interjected, and there was definitely a red tint there. Dan smirked. That seemed promising. 

  “He had this crazy girlfriend. Like - she was completely nuts. She was... ” Phil traded off.

  “Insane!” Marcelo provided, seemingly trying to be helpful, and Phil chuckled. “Not what I was searching for, but thanks, Marcelo.” 

  Both grinned at each other with a side glance at Sascha, who stared at the beer in his hand, cheeks still red. 

  “Anyways, Marcelo is right. She was jealous as fuck, controlled him any step he took, posted private pictures of him online, that sort of thing,” Phil said, moving his index finger in circles around his temple, emphasising his words. He waited for Dan to nod in understanding before he continued. “But he just let her. Like an idiot.” He snickered, Marcelo nodded and Sascha acted scandalized, calling out an offended hey! that the other two ignored.

  “He -” Phil started up again, but Sascha interrupted him again. “I thought I loved her!” he tried to defend himself, seeking help with Dan.  He just chuckled. “What happened?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. 

  “I’d bug him about it for weeks , but nothing happened. He found excuses for her over and over again and I was so tired of it -”

  “And then I knocked some sense into him!” Marcelo heckled, obviously proud of himself, and Phil shot him an unimpressed look. “Can’t a guy finish a story in peace around here?!” he asked and the rest chuckled. 

  “But yeah, Marcelo’s about right. They weren’t that close at the time, it was when Marcelo was still active, but Sascha talked to Marcelo during his strength training and when he came to his appointment a few hours afterwards he told me he wanted to break up with her. And that’s the story of how Sascha finally broke up with his crazy ex.” Phil’s smile was wide and his eyes bright, and Dan struggled not to loose focus. He’s fucking adorable… He silenced his own brain. Shush! Not gonna happen!

  “Since then we come together at that joyous day to celebrate,” Marcelo explained and Dan just couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s quite the story,” he pointed out and the rest chuckled. 

  “You won’t get bored around us, I promise,” Phil said and caught his eyes. “I believe you,” he answered, not looking away, lost in the other’s blue irises, like he was trapped in a kaleidoscope of blue and gold and green.

Goddamnit .

  When he finally managed to break the spell and avert Phil’s eyes before they’d suck him in yet again, Sascha gave him a somewhat satisfied, somewhat encouraging look, and this time, it was Dan’s turn to blush. This group would be the death of him, he was almost certain already. 

  After that incident, Sascha’s wariness decreased, which made it even harder for Dan to avoid Phil and the temptation he caused, but at least it gave him a lot more confidence. Sascha was his one way ticket to gold, and he intended to use it. If he’d become friends with the guy on the way there - even better. 

  Since his weeks of doing basically nothing Dan had kept to his midnight routine of going for a run in the park next to his house. 

  The problem, Dan mused as he jogged along the familiar path, was probably that they were similar in a lot of ways, in their drive for success and in the fact that originally, they were lone wolves. Dan couldn’t know what had happened, how Sascha had come to such a tightly knitted group of friends around him, but it shone through in every movement he made that he once hadn’t had a lot of friends - if any at all. Sure, he had a brother, but Dan could tell from his own experience that bloodlines didn’t form friendships of their own. Now Sascha and Mischa seemed close, but who knew what had lead them there?

  Dan wanted to know more about them, he realized. He was the most interested in Phil, he’d admitted that much to himself already, but he’d closed that door for himself, shut it forcefully and locked it as often as he could - and surprisingly, the others didn’t leave him cold either. Originally, Sascha had been supposed to be his way to reach his goal, but now he - all of them - had become more. He had a feeling they could be great friends - if he’d just let them. 

  Completely lost in thoughts, Dan continued down his usual route, contemplating what to do about the whole Sascha situation. There was something wrong with the guy, something laying heavy on his heart, but he had no clue what exactly. He knew there had to be something he could do - the question was what . He wasn’t really skilled in handling other people, had spent his life refraining from relationships that would only serve as distractions for his main goal. 

  Now, though, it seemed different - a lot was different. Sure, he had no plans on getting a relationship - No, not even with Phil! - but what about friendships? To play his best he had to be open with his teammate, to let him in and truly become a team, he knew that now. But how was he supposed to do that when his teammate obviously hadn’t come to the same conclusion yet? 

  A voice ripped him out of his thoughts mid-step. He came to a slithering halt, looking up and finding himself just a few centimeters away from someone else - someone he identified as Sascha within seconds.

  “Sascha!” he got out between gasps, “What are you doing here?”

  There was a smirk on Sascha’s face as Dan struggled to catch his breath, and he had to stifle a grumble. Stupid youngsters and their stupid fitness.

  “You okay?” Sascha asked, smirk still in place. Dan shot him an intimidating look, but Sascha only grinned. The wild, dirty blonde locks on his head were hardly contained by the headband he had on and stuck out left and right. His striking green eyes shone even more in the pale moonlight and their bright colour reminded him of someone else - for a second, the eyes were blue as the sky on a sunny day, with a black quiff framing a beautiful face, coming closer towards Dan, closer and closer until his lips finally… 

  No! Forget it! 

  Then Sascha snickered again and Dan’s vision of Phil shattered like a mirror. He shook his head quickly, trying to order his thoughts and get back to reality, while Sascha still observed him with a smirk. Dan shot him another look but again, Sascha seemed entirely unimpressed. 

  He sighed. “I’m fine,” he grumbled, finally focussing on the situation at hand. “So what are you doing here?”

  “What do you think I’m doing in a park in the middle of the night in my running clothes?” He raised an eyebrow, then: “I’m about to rob a bank, obviously.” 

  For a second, Dan just stared blankly, desperately trying to hold in a laugh. It wasn’t even that funny, he wouldn’t - then his eyes met Sascha’s and he lost all restrain. He broke out laughing, so loudly it scared up some birds in the area that flew away with irritated squawks.

  That was the start of joint jogging sessions at night and an unforeseeable friendship. They grew closer every day, and Dan was glad Sascha seemed to open up to him more. He trusted him with his group of friends, invited him to hang out with them, and sometimes, when they were alone, Dan could see that he was moments away from talking to him - truly talking. It was obvious Sascha had a lot on his mind, in his heart; and it was also obvious that for some reason, he didn’t think he could talk to the others about it. But there was still something holding him back, something that kept him from talking to Dan about it, and Dan didn’t know what to do to get him to talk. So he waited. 

  Their trial period ended without acknowledgement. No one even talked about breaking off their partnership - as a matter of fact, Dan forgot about the deadline completely until a month later. He and Sascha were training together for two months at this point, and while on one hand, the training went by so fast he couldn’t believe it had already been two months, on the other hand it felt like they’d been partners forever. 

  Sure, Dan loved his sport, loved the sand, playing and giving it his all, but training had still tended to stretch out and drag - at least before Sascha. Now, sessions were filled with laughter and jokes, small pranks and friendly competitions; with Marcelo and Phil sitting on the sidelines cheering them on and clapping. Sometimes, Mischa was there, obviously impressed with the progress they made, and even Dan’s trainer basically forgot to nag half the time, silently watching instead, in awe about their teamwork.

  Phil’s part in Dan’s life became bigger the more he was around all of them, and he shook Dan’s beliefs to the core. He distracted himself with the mystery around Sascha, with training and group outings, where he tried to keep more to the others, but it got harder by the second to resist. He was pretty sure Phil was interested - he kept flirting, leaning into Dan’s personal space or placing a hand on his thigh voluntarily - so Dan was glad he wasn’t required to spent a lot of time alone with Phil. His restrains slowly started to run thin, and he did not want to push his luck any further.

  The partnership between Dan and Sascha continued growing. They started with strategy meetings in preparation for their first tournament together. They played a friendly match against Mischa and his partner which they won by far, and work progressed even faster than anticipated. Sascha still kept silent about his problems, but as he became more familiar with him and their group Dan at least gained enough insight to observe and draw reasonable conclusions. 

  One night they were out bowling, Dan, Phil, Sascha and Marcelo; and while he spent the most time conversing with Phil - damn the guy for being interested in the same things as Dan, how dare he? - Dan really paid attention to the way the group worked. While trying not to focus on Phil leaning into him with his hand on Dan’s knee, he noticed how often Sascha and Marcelo would look at each other when they thought the other wasn’t looking. How they always seemed to touch in one way or the other. How they sat so close there was no room between them even though it wasn’t necessary, and how many inside jokes they had.

  Marcelo and Phil on the other hand were a lot closer than Dan had first anticipated. They shared looks sometimes, like they were conversing wordlessly, and when Marcelo hesitated in his movements or speech - usually because Sascha came close to him, or touched him, or laughed particularly brightly - Phil would immediately step in and try to distract from it. 

  All that only served to raise more questions for Dan. It seemed clear to him that Sascha and Marcelo had feelings for each other, but didn’t act on it; and Dan simply couldn’t get behind the reasons. And that, Dan realized, might’ve even been the reason Sascha had been wary of him. He made a mental note to ask Phil about it - which brought him to a whole other problem. 

  Phil, hot, precious Phil was testing Dan to the max. Most of the times it seemed obvious he was flirting with Dan, dropping hints that he was single and searching while complimenting him, leaning forward and suspiciously into Dan’s space. He grinned at Dan with that honest, open smile of his, probably aware of the fact that it made Dan’s knees go weak. He even asked Dan if he needed treatment, being a physiotherapist and all, and after some hesitance, Dan agreed to make a plan quite similar to the one Sascha had, with regular appointments. 

  In summary: Dan’s life did not become any easier.

_____

  It was during one of those appointments that Dan finally decided to ask Phil for help to unravel the mystery around Sascha. 

  It had been a particularly weird training. Sascha had had obvious trouble concentrating; he was occupied with looking up at the stands where Marcelo was sitting instead of tactic training. He continued to sigh, but whenever Dan would bring it up, he’d say it was nothing. 

  Dan was fed up with it. 

  So, while he was lying on the treatment couch, Phil’s hands kneading his muscles and therefore in desperate need of a distraction anyways, he just blurted it out. “What’s up with Sascha and Marcelo?”

  The hands on his back stilled for a moment and Phil took a deep breath. He continued the treatment when he’d let it out slowly, but didn’t say anything, and Dan became worried. Had he said something wrong?

  When he’d finally worked up the nerve to apologize - for what, he had no clue, but there had to be something - Phil spoke up again. “As much as I want to,” he said with utter sincerity, “It’s not my secret to tell.” The utter defeat in his voice made Dan’s heart hurt for him. He just wanted his friends to be happy, Dan realized, but was about as powerless as Dan was. 

  “Okay,” he croaked and they didn’t talk about it again. 

  Dan would have to go straight to the source.

  ___

  For around two months not much changed. Dan gradually affiliated into the group, he continued to withstand the temptation that Phil posed, just Sascha’s unceasing silence still had Dan worried. 

  At least until the international beach volleyball association - IBVA in short - uploaded one of their “behind the scenes” videos to their Youtube channel.

  Usually, Dan didn’t pay much attention to the videos they uploaded. In all honesty, he followed their channel more out of guilt than anything else. Just this time, he’d anticipated that video: in their catching up with... series they interviewed former athletes that had retired from the sport for one reason or the other. Athletes… Like Marcelo. 

  Marcelo had been practicing the sport for over ten years until he had won gold at the olympics for the second time, when he had decided to retire; him and Sascha had already been friends at that point. Now he recently turned thirty and worked with different TV Stations broadcasting beach volleyball tournaments, allowing him to travel around with Sascha and the others. The IBVA had interviewed him a week ago, and he’d told the others to tune in when it came out. 

  The first few minutes was nothing too important, just about Marcelo’s life shortly after his career, how he was handling retirement and if he missed the sports. Then they reached the present, and with it, Sascha - a promising youngster of only 22 years who’s recent switch of partners had caused a lot of frenzy in the community. 

  Marcelo breached upon the topic with nonexistent ease, with all the awkwardness he held, but the interviewer ate it up. She dug deeper about Sascha, how he was doing, how close the two were. 

  That’s when he spoke the sentence that had Dan hurting for Sascha. “Yeah, Sascha is my best friend. Like the little brother I never had, you know? I wouldn’t want to do without him for the world.”

  He paused the video out of pure panic - even though Sascha wasn’t even in the room - and for a moment, the world seemed to stop, halting in its rotation to give Dan a moment to grieve for the happiness of a friend that had become so dear to him. He couldn’t believe Marcelo just said that - had he no idea how Sascha felt? Did he not care? And what about his own feelings? Dan would’ve bet all his money on Marcelo having feelings for Sascha as well.

  Yet again more questions appeared and this time, Dan was more than dumbfounded. He’d never expected this to come out of this interview. 

  It took Dan minutes to calm down enough to continue watching the video, but no more important things happened. They moved on from the topic Sascha fairly quickly after; Marcelo said a few words about Dan and how well they worked together, with some kind of dull shimmer in his eyes that Dan just couldn’t decipher, then it was mostly about the sport itself and other contestants in the upcoming tournament. 

  When the video was over Dan sat in silence, staring at the still illuminated screen of his laptop for multiple moments, then he took a deep breath and got up. He had some strength training to do before he met up with Sascha for their nightly jogging session. 

  ___

  When Dan arrived at their usual meetup-point Sascha was not there yet. By itself, that wasn’t a big deal since he tended to be always late for literally everything, but after the video it had Dan a bit worried. Sascha was like Dan in a lot of things - like the fact that he tended to work twice as hard whenever something bad happened. He concentrated on work to not think about his problems. Dan could truly relate. 

  For almost ten minutes Dan waited relatively calm. Then he became increasingly worried. Sascha still wasn’t there, and he had neither answered Dan’s messages nor picked up the phone when he’d called. 

  After half an hour Dan was beside himself. He’d finally called Phil, and while he didn’t know where Sascha was either he at least gave him the useful advice to check his apartment Phil wondered what the fuss was about, though, so Dan just told him to check the video the IBVA had put up. 

  It took Dan less than five minutes to get to Sascha’s apartment block. When he first rang the doorbell, cautiously and unsure, there was no answer, but he wasn’t about to give up that easily. So he just kept ringing. 

  After a few seconds that felt like an eternity to Dan the door finally opened. He climbed the stairs up to Sascha’s floor where he found him, leaning powerlessly against the doorframe, and Dan was shocked. He’d never seen Sascha looking like this - so completely drained of energy, without a flicker of mischief in his green eyes. Instead of standing tall his shoulders were hunched over, his cheeks glistened wet and even behind the glasses Dan could see that his eyes were red and swollen. He wore a shirt of the IBVA that seemed a bit older, but wasn’t too suspicious, until he turned around to make his way into his apartment, revealing a big brazilian flag on the back, and Dan understood that it was probably an old shirt of Marcelo, who was of brazilian origin. 

  “Oh, Sascha,” Dan murmured as he followed him inside, closing the door behind him. Sascha didn’t even say a word as he let himself fall onto his couch, gesticulating vaguely for Dan to take a seat as well. 

  Afterwards, Sascha was completely quiet, staring off into space motionlessly, and Dan was busy taking in his surroundings. There were several tissues thrown about on the living room table. Sascha’s laptop peeked out under some of them, still blinking, indicating that it had just been closed and pushed away mindlessly. The TV was running, showing a beach volleyball match that Dan had been sure was chosen randomly, until he realized that it was an old one of Marcelo and his partner. 

  Dan sighed, unsure of what to do, but then he got up and decided some tea wouldn’t hurt. He’d been in Sascha’s kitchen a few times, so it didn’t take him too long to make some. 

  When he got back into the living room Sascha hadn’t moved an inch and when Dan gently handed him the mug it took him a few moments to even become aware of his presence. Dan sat down again as well, observing worriedly as Sascha cradled the hot mug in his hands. He was sure there were new tears running down the youngster’s cheek and for a second, he wished he’d taken Phil’s offer to come over as well. 

  He had no idea how to handle this, what to do or what to say. Everything that came to mind seemed useless, meaningless. He felt completely powerless. Phil, caring, empathetic Phil would’ve known how to handle the situation, he was sure of it; but he took a deep breath and threw all of his anxiety over saying the wrong thing right out of the window. Anything was better than utter silence. 

  “Sascha…” he started, turning towards his friend now, one leg perched up on the couch. His voice was deep and rhusty, worry so evident in it he had to suppress a wince. He didn’t say more than that, but the intent was clear.

  Sascha didn’t answer at first, but at least he moved to take a cautious sip from his tea, which Dan counted as a win. Then, when Dan had already given up hope, he started talking. 

  “How did you know?” he asked, not even looking at Dan, who sighed. “That you have feelings for him? Honestly, it doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.” 

  Sascha’s response was a humorless laugh. “That obvious, huh.” 

  “Yeah.”

  Another moment of silence passed and Dan took his mug of tea into his hands as well, looking at the TV to keep himself from looking at Sascha, who seemed like a wild animal - any sound or direct eye contact could have him running in the opposite direction. For a second he was tempted to text Phil - but deep down he knew he could do this, and that it had to be him. Sascha definitely had a reason to not talk to Phil about it, and Dan would honour that.

  “Please talk to me.”

  Dan really didn’t think it would work, but it finally seemed like he’d gotten through to the normally so confident youngster. 

  “I don’t even know why I still have hope. I just get knocked down over and over again. When will I accept the truth?”

  Dan physically flinched hearing the defeat in his voice. He’d been through a lot with Sascha already, had grown as a person and stronger as an athlete, and after the initial hesitance, he’d also grown closer to Sascha as well. Seeing something hurting him like that - it made him hurt too. And it made him think of Phil, and how lucky he was to at least know his feelings were reciprocated, even if he’d chosen not to act on them. He’d be okay. 

  The question was, would Sascha be?

  “I just can’t believe it’s one sided. The way he looks at you….” He trailed of, making a vague gesture with the hand not holding the mug. He wasn’t sure if it was wise to give Sascha even more hope after everything, but Dan just wasn’t ready to give up. He’d get behind this, and then he’d get them together, even if it’d be the last thing he’d do. 

  “I don’t know, Dan, I just - I just don’t understand what’s going on. It’s like - Like…” He stumbled over his words, and when Dan looked over he could see there were new tears shining in the corner of his eye. He took a deep breath. 

  “When I first met him, I never thought - I never even imagined. We didn’t talk a lot, simply because we never ran in the same circles, you know? But then the shit happened with my girlfriend and… He saw me, during strength training, asked me what was wrong, and I just… I felt like I could trust him. So I told him everything. And he told me I was worth more than that. More than the person she wanted me to be. And he said it in a way that…” He visibly faltered for a moment, shooting Dan a quick look before taking a deep breath. 

  “He looked deep into my eyes. Like I was the most important thing in the world. Like he was able to see what she couldn’t.”

  Again there was a pause, and Dan didn’t even dare to move. Sascha seemed so fragile, like the most gentle breeze could scatter him into a million directions. 

  “Looking back, I think I started fancying him then,” he whispered, almost soundlessly. 

  The following silence was so looming, so comprehensive it made Dan shudder. It was pretty clear to him that Sascha had never said it out loud before, and it meant a big deal, so he waited patiently for him to continue. 

  “After I broke up with my girlfriend we truly started talking, and to hang out. He was so nice and easy going, so awkward and adorable, we were interested in the same things and we just - clicked. We grew so close, but every time I think This is it he just… backtracks. He’ll look into my eyes and hold my hand like we’re a couple, like he has feelings for me, and the next thing I know he calls me his brother. And still I-” He stopped short, choking down, and Dan intuitively scooted closer. 

  “You should say it,” Dan prodded softly. “It might help.”

  Still in tears, Sascha looked up to meet Dan’s eyes. 

  “And still I love him,” he choked out between sobs, then he broke down.

  _________

  Surprisingly, not a lot changed after that. Dan and Sascha were closer than before, sure; and during training or hangouts when Marcelo would look a certain way or sit closer to Sascha than strictly necessary they would exchange looks, have entire conversations with nothing but their eyes. After practice, whenever they didn’t do things as a group, Dan and Sascha would come together, watch a movie, play video games - be there for each other. 

  Dan himself was doing pretty good. He and Phil had been growing close as well, but Dan tried to mostly refrain from being alone with him, and so far, it seemed to be working. Sure, sometimes he mourned for the what if , but mostly he was just happy to have gained a friend as amazing as Phil was. 

  He knew, though, that Sascha needed him. The youngster hadn’t been particularly happy with the situation - or over all. Dan had to stand on the sidelines and watch as his best friend became more closed up and silent by the minute, at least around Marcelo, and he didn’t feel good about that. He didn’t understand what Marcelo was doing, but that didn’t mean Dan wanted Sascha to completely lose someone so dear and close to him. On the other hand, he also understood why the youngster was spending less and less time with Marcelo. 

  Overall he felt like he was looking at a doom loop and he had no idea how to break it.  The state of affairs dragged on for weeks. Dan and Sascha went through their first tournament together, which they ended on an amazing second place, and played against Sascha’s brother and his partner again, who they beat once more. 

  After the game, Mischa took Dan aside and asked for news, but Dan couldn’t give him anything. Marcelo on the other hand seemed to struggle to understand what was happening, continuously cornering Sascha and asking him what was wrong. The situation seemed to pain him considerably, too; but that made things just more confusing to him. How had the older man still not figured out what Sascha felt for him?

  It took more than two months to break Dan. He’d had the same talks with Sascha over and over again - “Talk to him!” “I can’t! He can’t know what I feel for him, it would destroy everything!” - “It can’t go on like this. It’s starting to affect your play!” “It has to. I’ll just have to get over it.’’ - etcetera, and he’d had enough.

  Dan also couldn’t imagine how things could get any worse, but he wasn’t about to tell Sascha that.

  Sasch had lost his touch and was struggling to get it back, and Dan had to watch helplessly as he lost more and more motivation to Marcelo, so one Tuesday during one of his routine treatments from Phil after a particularly bad training - Dan kind of just... spit it out. 

  He knew it was wrong, somehow. But it wasn’t like he was able to stop himself, either.

  “It’s so bad. My trainer averted his eyes, and I can’t even blame him. I can’t look at it anymore either,” he groaned when Phil asked him about how training was going. The physiotherapist halted in his movements, just for a moment, hardly noticeable, but Dan sensed it anyway. 

  “Why?” Phil asked before continuing working on his back. Dan was almost used to it by now, at least when it was unspectacular places like his back, so he didn’t even have to bite his lip anymore to keep down a moan.

  The question confused Dan, just a bit, but it was like Phil’s calm and trustworthy presence had finally broken his self-imposed spell of silence on the matter. Sascha hadn’t particularly told Dan to stay quiet, but it might have been implied somewhere. He honestly couldn’t remember, and at this point he didn’t care. He couldn’t just stand by and watch as his best friend got more and more broken by the second. He’d kept silent and not done anything for too long. But not any more. Not for a second longer.

  “Is that really a question? After the video? He’s in pieces. Every time I’m picking him up something happens and he’s breaking apart all over again.”

  He took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to do. I’m completely helpless.”

  Phil’s hands on his back stilled, then they vanished. “You’re done,” he croaked out, breathless, and took a step back as Dan sat up. He gulped visibly, then: “Get dressed. We’re going to my place, and then you’re telling me everything you know. I’m tired of this.”

  ______

  “So, what you’re saying is - Sascha has actually had feelings for Marcelo the whole time?” Phil looked at him with wide eyes, so innocent and unaware Dan wanted to scream. How could someone be that pretty and that clueless at the same time?

  Dan’s eyes felt like they were falling out of their sockets as he stared at Phil, completely dumbfounded. He wasn’t - he couldn’t actually - it wasn’t possible -

  He was. He could. And yes, it was possible.

  “Please don’t tell me you didn’t know.”

  “I had no idea!” 

  “Are you blind ?”

  For a moment, Dan felt bad about it, but he got over it pretty quickly. Honestly, Phil kind of deserved it. The physiotherapist still looked shocked by the news but was now also blushing profusely, avoiding Dan’s eyes. 

  Dan sighed. “You cannot be serious, Phil.”

  More blushing, then: “Marcelo said Sascha didn’t love him back. So I didn’t question it.” 

  Silence settled in until the words properly registered in his mind, then Dan’s head shot up, fixing Phil’s eyes in a gaze. “Back. So I’m right. Marcelodoes have feelings for him!”

  Phil nodded, picking up the coffee mug he’d placed on the table in front of him and taking a huge sip while pressing his foot firmer into Dan’s thigh. “He’s been in love with Sascha for ages.”

  Then he furrowed his brows, staring into the dark liquid like it held the answers to all his questions.

  Dan wished .

  “Wait, but if it was that obvious - he knows Sascha better than anyone else. He must have known about it. Why didn’t he tell me? Why did he lie? What is he doing?”

  Dan sighed again. “That’s the one million dollar question, isn’t it. What’s Marcelo doing?”

  _______

  When Dan asked Sascha why he hadn’t talked to Phil about the situation yet, he told Dan he was scared the physiotherapist would tell Marcelo everything, so Dan cleared up the misunderstanding. Luckily, Sascha wasn’t mad at Dan for telling him, and the situation dragged on. The one good thing about it was that Dan was so enrolled in the mystery that Marcelo posed, he didn’t even have time to think about Phil - to question how close they had become. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that as soon as things were resolved he’d probably break down and throw himself at Phil like a lovesick fool, but he ignored it completely. 

  Maybe he was falling for Phil. Hard. So what? He’d just have to restrain himself. He’d been doing that for months now - what could possibly go wrong?

  Never in the history had that sentence not lead to things going horribly wrong, but he ignored that as well.

  As a team, Dan and Sascha continued to make progress, but as an individual, Sascha’s performance didn’t improve significantly. Sure he had trainings where things were going a bit better - for example when Marcelo was gone for a week, visiting his parents in Brazil and Dan kept him distracted as well as possible - but that wasn’t a lot. Overall, the brash, mischievous Sascha whom Dan had met months ago was missing in action. 

  It didn’t take long for Dan and Phil to start worrying. Group hangouts became less and less frequent and Sascha was asking for time alone, so they spent most of their time together, worrying about their friends and planning how to get them back on track. Sometimes, they’d put on a movie or play video games, and Dan’s restraint around Phil would falter, just for a moment, for a lingering touch or an endearing look, but he managed to keep it at that - as long as it wasn’t more it would be fine. As soon as his lips would touch Phil’s, though, it would be over, and all attempts of abstention would have been in vain.

  Their attempts to get Sascha and Marcelo to talk were mostly unsuccessful. They refused to talk to each other openly, and that did not help calming Dan and Phil’s nerves. The first qualifying matches for the Olympics were approaching with big steps, and they knew: with Sascha being like this, they’d be lucky to even stand a chance. 

  That was why, only a month from their first match, Dan finally lost his patience. After practice he lured Marcelo into Phil’s treatment room and kept him there while Phil brought Sascha for his daily checkup. He sat them down onto a couch in the corner of the room, refusing all protests, and took a seat on some chairs facing them. 

  He and Phil shared a look, squeezing each other’s hand - something they had started doing only recently and completely without Dan’s conscious approval - then he took a deep breath and turned his attention to the men on the couch. 

  “Guys, we’ve been patient. Really patient. We’ve sat by and watched as you drift further and further apart, but it has to stop.”

  “This is an intervention. You two need to talk and because you’re obviously not going to do that on your own, we’re forcing you to,” Phil explained further, and Dan nodded. The look of utter betrayal in Sascha’s eyes weighed heavy on Dan’s heart, but he knew that this was the only way. Sascha was too stubborn to try to improve the situation, and Marcelo had simply given up. Someone had to do something, and there was no one else that would. 

  “Anything one of you wants to share with the group?”, Dan asked, gesticulating with his hands like they were in group therapy, and Phil gave him a grin. The other two didn’t seem particularly impressed with this joke, though. 

  “I have nothing to say,” Sascha said, breathless, hardly making a sound, and Marcelo flinched like someone had punched him. “Who’s surprised,” he mumbled under his breath, and Sascha’s sharp, green eyes turned to him.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” His voice was nothing but a hiss, low and dangerous, and Dan was glad it wasn’t directed at him. His partner was a few years younger than him, sure, but he was also tall and well trained and his look could be so sharp Dan swore it could pierce through skin. 

  “You haven’t talked to me in weeks!” Marcelo accused, and Dan and Phil shared a quick look. It was true, sure, but that didn’t mean Sascha’s silence wasn’t at least justified. They had tried to get him to talk as well, but they weren’t the ones causing the behaviour. 

  Sascha’s eyes narrowed and Dan swore the temperature in the room dropped at least ten degrees within a second. “That’s rich, coming from you,” he hissed, pure venom in his voice. 

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re the goddamn reason!” Sascha blurted out forcefully, short of seething. “You’re the goddamn reason for everything! For me being distracted, for my sadness, for my performance dropping! You and that fucking video!”

  “Sascha -” 

  “No! Just no! Not again! I’m tired of it, okay? I’m tired of all of it! Do you know what it does to me, every time you say something like this?” There were tears in the corners of his eyes and Dan unconsciously reached for Phil’s hand. It hurt him, too, and he didn’t have the strength to go through it alone. 

  “Do you know how fucking much it hurts ?”

  For a second, it was silent, and Dan couldn’t help but look at Marcelo - who looked close to tears, obviously trying to avert Sascha’s eyes. “But -” 

  Sascha cut him off again, shaking his head silently. “No buts, Marcelo. Not again,” he said, his voice close to a whisper, and from one second to the next he looked so broken Dan couldn’t help but strengthen his grip on Phil’s hand. 

  Then he got up, attempting to leave the room. Dan was about to get up as well, to keep him there for just a second longer, just to give Marcelo a chance to explain, but the brazilian was behind Sascha and taking a hold of his wrist so fast Dan didn’t even have the time to move a muscle. 

  “That is not fair, Sascha. You were the one telling me off years ago and I can’t know you’d still react like that -”

  “I did what?”

  “Telling me off. During the first interview you did. Remember?”

  Sascha shook his head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

  “When the reporter asked you about the rumors concerning that woman you played a match with for charity. You laughed and told him she was too old for you anyways.”

  Sascha blinked, obviously dumbfounded, but at least a lot calmer than before. “How could you have possibly applied that to yourself?”

  Marcelo’s look was so sad Dan’s heart would’ve broken in his chest would he not be holding onto Phil’s hand for dear life.

  “She’s exactly my age, Sascha. I got the message, bright and clear. I did my best to keep away from you and that aspect, I swear, but you’re just so irresistible and I was already so fucking much in love with you -”

  “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” Dan mumbled to himself, and the physiotherapist next to him nodded affirmatively, but the other two guys weren’t even aware of them anymore. 

  Sascha choked out a sob, tears streaming down his face as he continued to stare into Marcelo’s eyes. “You idiot,” he whispered without any malice, “It was never about you. I just wanted him to stop asking about her. Especially because I had feelings for you …”

  That was the point where Dan had to avert his eyes, where the connection between Sascha and Marcelo became too much and he just felt like he was intruding on a private moment. He carefully tugged at Phil’s hand, gesturing him that they should go. So they did, leaving Sascha and Marcelo and any further developments alone. 

  ____

  Training was a lot better the following week. Sascha’s performance improved and went back to normal within minutes on court; he was able to concentrate, he smiled and laughed with Dan and his technique was back to top quality. Dan was more than relieved. The first qualifying tournament for Olympia was less than a month away and they needed to be at the top of their game. 

  Within the week after that, though, Dan got a feeling something was different - or, to be more precise, something wasn’t different. A specific something. 

  Sascha and Marcelo didn’t act differently at all. They were obviously back to being friends, sure, participating in group outings, joking with each other; but if anything, the touching had decreased . No teasing about their relationship, no suggestive comments, and definitely no kisses, not even on the cheek. Something was definitely not right. 

  He knew he needed Phil’s opinion, so during his physio-treatment - while desperately trying not to get a hard-on because Phil literally had his hands all over his body - he asked. 

  “What’s wrong with Sascha and Marcelo by the way?”

  There was no hesitance in the hands kneading his left thigh dangerously close to his ass and Dan had to stifle a moan. 

  “What do you mean? Everything’s the same as before.”

  “Exactly,” Dan answered with a raspy voice, trying to hide the pleasure. “Shouldn’t something be different?”

  Phil was silent for a moment, switching from the thigh to the calf - slightly less dangerous territory - and Dan allowed himself to relax before the physiotherapist spoke again. “You know what? Now that I think about it… You might be right. They don’t act like a couple at all. Or, well, at least not more than usual.” 

  “Precisely.” 

  After twenty more minutes of treatment - and therefore, twenty more minutes of Dan feeling ridiculously underlaid - they agreed to do some digging. 

  The first task fell to Dan. Him and Phil had agreed that - after everything they’d been through with Sascha - it was unfair to not give him the chance to speak. So during their midnight run Dan asked Sascha about it, about the relationship and if they were in a romantic one, but the youngster’s answers were unsure and vague. After some prodding, he straight-up denied it, claiming him and Marcelo would “work better as friends”. 

  Needless to say that Dan was furious.

  Just to confirm the story, Phil asked the same questions during morning practice, when both him and Marcelo were on the stands. The answers were pretty similar.

  Both Dan and Phil were more than disappointed about that outcome. They got together for some Mario Kart that afternoon, and while Dan was half a round ahead and Phil was fighting for the third spot, they realized they couldn’t just… Leave it at that.

  In reality, they could. They just refused not to. For their friends’ happiness, but also for their own pride.

  “That can’t be it,” Dan observed as he was skillfully maneuvering around a banana peel on track, “They love each other. Why the fuck not start a relationship?” 

  Only after saying it out loud did he realize it was basically a stab into his own guts, and he was lucky Phil was too preoccupied with the game to look at him.

  “True,” Phil confirmed, sticking out his tongue in concentration. 

  For a second, it was silent aside from the sounds of the game, then Dan made a decision as his car was driving past the finish line. “You know what? Not on my watch.”

  Something misschievous glinted in Phil’s eyes when he turned to look Dan into the eyes. “No. Not on our watch.”

  ____

  Two weeks later they were in the car on their way to their first Olympics-relevant tournament and nothing had changed. Nothing at all . They had tried (and, well, failed) to get them together multiple times, had shoved them together for practice, had given Sascha the opportunity to say something, but so far, all their attempts had been in vain. Not only Dan, but even the bubbly, optimistic Phil was rapidly losing confidence in their ability to meddle. 

  It was Marcelo’s shift to drive, so Sascha had, naturally, chosen to sit shotgun - “working better as friends” my ass , Dan thought - leaving the backseats to Dan and Phil.

  Dan, sitting behind Sascha, hadn’t been paying a lot of attention - he was fairly occupied trying to get Phil to relax, with his car sickness and all - so when he looked forward for the first time, trying to get a look on their navi, and he saw a dark spot on the back of Sascha’s neck, almost at his shoulder, for a second he didn’t think anything of it. Then he processed what he’d seen and - Huh?

  He couldn’t be sure, his view was obstructed by both Sascha’s hair and his shirt, but - he leaned over towards Phil, whispering in his ear. Phil’s face, slightly less green than before, showed surprise, then he exchanged a look with Dan, the same question in his eyes. 

  Is that… a hickey ?

  ___

  The tournament went amazingly well. They’d survived the group phase and the first knock out round and were now on for the quarterfinals tomorrow. They’d agreed to have a light training session around midday, but Dan had spent the day hiding from Phil since they’d had a near slip-up the other night playing Fifa (Dan had lost, so he’d started tickling Phil and ended up closer to him than intended and almost kissed him), so he went directly to the training court instead of meeting the others at the hotel. When he arrived, Sascha and Phil were already there, laughing while Phil tried - and failed - to warm Sascha up. 

  When they noticed Dan, Sascha gave a wave and a grin, walking over to his bag to take a drink, but Phil came sprinting towards him through the deep sand. “That is Marcelo’s shirt,” he said in lieu of greeting, and Dan blinked dumbfounded before he understood what Phil was getting at.

  He took a closer look at Sascha’s outfit, and sure enough he was wearing a light blue shirt with a Volleyball emblem on the breast pocket that he’d seen Marcelo wear before. 

  “Oh my god, you’re right. He wore it just two days ago!”

  For neutral parties, it probably wasn’t a big deal, but to Dan and Phil, it definitely was. They were invested in this relationship - more than they would’ve thought before. 

  “Are we becoming fanboys?” Dan asked as they walked over to Sascha. Phil’s stunning blue eyes were glinting in the shining sun and for a moment Dan forgot how to breathe. 

  “Absolutely.”

  ___

  Dan and Sascha made it through the quarterfinals relatively easy, beating their opponents in two straight sets. The match directly after was determining their semi-finals opponents, so Dan and Phil decided to stay to spy on them and get a feeling for how they were playing, but both Sascha and Marcelo chose to go back to the hotel, claiming they wanted to skype their families. 

  The stands built up for the sake of the tournament went up fairly high, and to be less likely to get spotted Dan and Phil decided to search for seats in a far up row, which were mostly empty. From up there, they had a really nice view of the ocean far off to one side - and, coincidentally, the hotel they were all staying in. They were looking straight at their floor and with it, their shared balcony - between the five of them, including the trainer, they occupied the whole side of the floor for themselves. The rooms were connected by a long, shared balcony, which made going over to one of the other rooms for a treatment or a talk with their coach a lot easier. 

  While the teams on court were still warming up Dan looked over to the hotel. He found Sascha at his balcony door, looking out to the court. He had changed into a red shirt and grey shorts shining brightly in the sun, and Dan softly elbowed Phil in the side an gesticulated for him to take a look as well. 

  They watched as Marcelo appeared behind Sascha with his boring white clothes immediately recognisable in the compared darkness of the room. He stepped closer to Sascha, reaching out with his hand, then Sascha let the curtain drop and the scene was out of view. Phil and Dan shared a look. Skyping their families, huh?

  Throughout the game they kept a close eye on Sascha’s balcony door, but the curtain didn’t move again - until their tainer stepped onto the balcony, making his way to Sascha’s room. When he knocked on the glass nothing happened for a while. Then the door opened and Sascha stepped out in his red shorts and white shirt - 

  “He’s in different clothes than before!” Phil pointed out, voice somewhere between excited and surprised, and Dan’s eyes widened as he realized that Phil was right. “So - They went in together, no one comes out for half an hour, and now he’s suddenly in a completely different outfit, even though he’d been freshly showered before?!” Phil summarized and Dan nodded, dumbfounded.

  “Well, that’s not fishy,” he mumbled, “Not fishy at all.”

  ___

  When Marcelo showed up to dinner with a red shirt Dan and Phil were set on investigating further. Something was going on there and they wanted to know what it was. 

  Dan and Sascha finished third in the tournament, which was half the qualification norm for the Olympics, so they were happy with the outcome. They had around a week at home before they were leaving for the next tournament, and they didn’t do much else than relax and a bit of strength training and jogging. 

  Dan particularly despised the last part.

  They spent the day before their anew departure together as a group, playing Mario Kart, Fifa and pictionary, and they had so much fun Dan’s belly hurt from all the laughing. When Sascha beat Marcelo in Mario Kart, the brazilian reached over, tickling the youngster, and Phil gave Dan a look of oh my god they’re so adorable I can’t even that Dan had to agree with. 

  Two hours later both Sascha and Marcelo had left - “to do the rest of packing”, sure Jan , Dan thought - and only Phil had stayed, wanting to help with the cleanup. Everything had stayed completely innocent so far, and Dan mentally patted himself on the back for being so resistant - he hadn’t reacted to either Phil’s flirting nor to his continuous physical contact. He was strong. 

  Until he wasn’t. 

  They were just finishing up the dishes. Dan was at the sink, washing the rest of the glasses and plates when Phil reached up to the cupboard directly above Dan’s head, leaning so far over his body they were touching basically everywhere. Dan could feel the blood rushing into his cheeks and somewhere lower, tightly gripping the edge of the sink - for support or to keep himself from moving, he wasn’t sure - and he stayed determined, he really did, but then - 

  Then Phil’s breath hit the skin on his neck and it was all over. 

  He turned around in a flash, exchanging a short, meaningful look with Phil, then he was kissing him and his world was turning upside down. Nothing was as it had seemed before. His self restraint vanished in a vortex of gold, his brain left his body and all that was left was lust and love. 

  Fuck it, he loved that guy, had had for a long time; and he’d always known all restraint would be lost as soon as his lips touched Phil’s. 

  His life was flashing in front of his closed eyelids as he passionately kissed Phil, showing him all the lost opportunities that they could’ve spent making out, showing him what he had missed out on. But he didn’t even have the mental capacity to process it - he didn’t have the mental capacity to do anything . He had lost all connection to his body, was nothing but a spiritual being flowing through time and space with Phil right by his side. 

  Within a single heartbeat he decided he didn’t care about his stupid rules and his stupid logic. If he wanted to be with Phil - and he did - then he should be, whether he was going for gold or not. It wouldn’t make him stronger, but it wouldn’t make him weaker, either; if anything, it would serve as a further incentive. 

  Between ragged breaths and erratic heartbeats he paused his frantic movements, keeping Phil’s face in his hands and looking him straight into the bright blue eyes. “I love you.” Opposed to the shaking of his body his voice was firm and sure, and for a second, the colour of Phil’s eyes seemed to flare brighter than ever before. 

  “I love you, too,” he said softly, a few tears swimming in his eyes and a smile on his lips so sweet it could give half the world population diabetes just from looking at it. 

  Dan stared into Phil’s eyes and somehow, the world around them vanished. Then, suddenly, he was falling, but not down, no; he was falling up, higher and higher, until he shot through a layer of clouds and all that existed was blue, blue, blue . 

  It took him quite some time to escape the pull of Phil’s eyes, but when he did, he sprung straight back into action - straight back to kissing and touching and… More . 

  The next morning, when he woke up to the colour of Phil’s eyes there was just one word on his mind. “Boyfriends?”

  Phil’s eyes glinted stunningly in the rising sun, and Dan knew he’d remember this day forever. “Boyfriends.”  ____

  This time, the tournament was on another continent, so they went there by plane. Phil slept through almost the whole flight and Dan was busy trying to not gush about how cute he was. 

  They had decided to not tell Marcelo and Sascha in passing, waiting to do it over dinner when they had arrived at their destination instead. After Sascha had shown up at the airport wearing one of Marcelo’s shirts yet again they also wanted to confront them about their observations. Dan didn’t even care that they’d sound like crazy fanboys.

  Well, at least not a lot. 

  Due to time zones it was early in the morning when they arrived, but they all decided to get some sleep anyway. When Dan woke up in time for dinner Phil was laying cuddled into his side, snoring sweetly, and he leaned down to plant a soft kiss on Phil’s forehead before he got up. Thankfully, Phil was a heavy sleeper, so he just continued sleeping, giving Dan time to have a long, relaxing shower - or so he’d thought. In reality, Phil joined him halfway through, but it wasn’t like he minded. On the contrary. 

  When they went down for dinner both Marcelo and Sascha were already there, staring at each other over the table like they were the only people in existence. Phil sighed dreamily, giving Dan another They’re so cute look, and Dan had to stifle a giggle. His boyfriend was a major fanboy. 

  Boyfriend.

  Dan’s heartrate picked up at the thought. Even thinking it made him happy. 

  When they had sat down and ordered Dan and Phil exchanged a look, quietly taking hold of each other’s hand under the table. “Phil and I -” Dan started but was unsure of how to continue, how to word what he wanted to say. He was nervous and excited and the previously picked out words jumbled together into a wild storm of letters that he had no idea how to decipher. 

  Thankfully, Phil was less concerned by the whole thing. 

  “We’re together now. And we’re really happy.”

  It was quiet at the table as Sascha and Marcelo looked at each other with raised eyebrows. 

  “We know,” Sascha said, slowly and clearly, like he wasn’t sure about Dan and Phil’s mental state. 

  Dan sputtered. “Wha - What?” 

  “How did you know?” Phil asked, more interested than surprised, and Dan blinked at him in shock. Why did it not shock him? Was everyone going insane?!

  “It’s been obvious for weeks now,” Marcelo explained calmly and finally, Dan understood, relaxing immediately. 

  He let out a short laugh. “We’re together since last night. Or the night before, depending on the time zone we’re going with.”

  Marcelo and Sascha blinked in complete unison, making Phil giggle. “But-”

  “Is that why you didn’t tell us you are together as well? Because you were mad we didn’t tell you?” Dan asked, a lightbulb going off above his head. He paused for a moment before he added: “You guys are together, right?”

  Both him and Phil started grinning like a fool when the others nodded. Oh, how he loved it when things finally made sense, and when things turned out the way he planned them too. He gave Phil a high five in celebration, then he turned to Sascha and Marcelo, still grinning. “You’re idiots.”

  They at least had the decency to look shameful.

  “We’re all idiots,” Phil corrected and the others couldn’t help agreeing. They clinked glasses with champagne a few minutes later, and Phil literally cooed as his inquire made Marcelo lean over the table and give Sascha a passionate kiss. 

  They shared a lot of laughter and fun that night, and Dan had a better time than ever before. He looked at his group of friends with happiness and pride, and he had never felt more content in life. 

  ____

  A few weeks later him and Phil finally had the time to go on their first official date. The days had been crazy, packed and busy, but they’d been the best of Dan’s life. The letter with his official invitation to the Olympics weighed heavily in his pocket when he entered the old, 50s themed diner. The place looked decisively vintage with its off-white walls decorated with vinyls, black and white checkered tiles on the ground and lamps hanging from the ceiling. 

The jukebox up front was playing Cry Me A River as they slid into their booth, Phil on the other side of the table. They both grinned as they mouthed along to the song. The glowing red neon lights brought out the blue in Phil’s eyes so stunningly Dan once again was blinded by their beauty. 

  They shared a milkshake with two straws like they were in one of these cheesy romance novels Dan had always despised, but somehow he didn’t care anymore. He embraced the romantic cliches like they were old friends - simply because with Phil, it all seemed okay. Phil had step by step teared down all of his walls and rules, what was one more in this jumble of new experiences and feelings and happiness?

  He let his fingers skim over the paper in his pocket as he looked into Phil’s eyes, only listening half-heartedly as Phil rambled on about one thing or the other, an utterly lovestruck look on his face. Maybe he didn’t have gold yet, but within the last few months he’d gained and accomplished more than he’d ever dreamed of. Still, it had only been the beginning, he knew it. He was happy with Phil, Sascha was happy with Marcelo, they were happy as a group, and in a few weeks, they’d have a shot at winning gold. 

  Their future was golden, one way or the other. 

[marshmallowprotection]

How do you think the RFA (+ V if you don’t mind) would do with a MC who has brittle bone disease? What would they do if MC broke something?

Oh, another Anon who wants an ask like this! I love writing for people who struggle with their own chronic illnesses because nobody ever really writes stuff for us. I did my best and I hope I have a kind of accurate experience here for you? I love you guys, I want you to know that you are valid, and if somebody is ableist towards you, never put up with that. Whether you have a visible disability or an invisible disability, you are valid and deserve all the love in the world.

Yoosung Kim

° When you tell him he isn’t sure what to think. That’s not any bad thoughts on his part he’s just not been around a lot of people with physical issues that are young. He’s has a few preconceived notions but they’re mostly defined by his ignorance and confusion. Yoosung assumes that you must bruise easily and have to be extra careful when you’re doing anything extraneous.

° That’s not exactly how that works but he’s got some kind of idea that’s close enough that you could correct him with some minor education, and that little bit of effort would make the world of difference with him. Once he knows what he’s doing he is a great support system.

° One afternoon while you’re with Yoosung, you’re working in the kitchen and you accidentally overextend your hand. You can feel the familiar pain before it seemingly happens. You wind up with a fractured finger all because you gripped something a little too hard.

° “Oops.” is the only thing that you can say.

° Yoosung who was oblivious to this could only stare at you holding your bruised hand in terror, “…Y/N, what do you mean oops?”

° You just look back at him. “Well… I may or may not have broken my finger. It’s a surprise.”

° Needless to say, you’re the one that is calm and collected while Yoosung is the one that panics. It’s just his instinctual response. He’ll get you the care that you need it will just take him a few minutes of babbling before you can calm him enough to get it together. He’s very empathetic and it’s almost like he can feel more of what you’re feeling at that very moment and he’s doing what you would have done if you weren’t used to this happening.

° Yoosung is a mess but he’s somebody that cares about you with all of his heart. He’ll do his best to take care of you when you need his help!

Zen

°Oh… so what you’re telling him is that you have to be gentle with yourself otherwise you’ll get hurt. It isn’t your fault that these happen but you have to deal with them as they come. Zen cannot possibly imagine what that’s like for you, but he’ll be the first one to try to understand what you’re going through. He has to be careful with his own body thanks to his own condition, you know, he fries a little too easily in the sun and some lights can be hell on his eyes.

° But in regards to you… his instinct, however, is to put you on a pedestal and do everything for you. That can be grating even though it comes from a positive place; You’ll just have to be upfront with him about how you can handle yourself. He means well. You know that. It can just come out wrong sometimes.

° Zen will go through the motions just as you do and put that fear in the back of his head. Of course, he’ll tell himself that he’s prepared for an inevitable outcome but he. is. not. at. all. Zen absolutely cannot handle the idea much less a reality where his MC gets hurt. It makes that it that much more difficult to handle when it really does happen.

° At least he manages to keep his cool when you keep your cool. As long as you are level headed then he is pretty much calm. Today just wasn’t going to be your day. You weren’t clumsy by nature and you typically went out of your way to watch your step as you walked but for some reason today was just not a good day for you and you wound up tripping over a crack in the pavement and twisting your poor ankle. It’s obvious to you that you likely went down too hard and there might be some damage on your insides.

° Zen is quick to your side, but you insist that you’re alright but all you can do is mutter a few soft curses underneath your breath and groan in disdain. It wasn’t the most graceful way to happen but its not like you ever have a say with it. “Are you serious, body? And after all the work I put in with you… ugh. One fall breaks it all.”

° “Have no fear, your prince is here, Jagiya!” Zen, are you going to hoist your MC up and walk her all the way to get that checked out? Yes? Oh. Okay. I see how it is. At least you’re dedicated to your craft.

° Zen is worried about you when you get hurt, and he really will do as much as he can to make you feel alright about it. He hates it when you feel awful or when you cry. He’ll be the one to try and keep happy for you, just so you don’t feel like everything is out of place.

Jaehee Kang

° Jaehee hadn’t heard of your condition before but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t read up on it when you mention it to her in passing when you’re chatting on the phone. She assumes that you must have a difficult time handling everything. She wants to educate herself further and learn more about what makes your life what it is; Of course, she’ll inquire you from you as well, because it’s always good to hear what’s the best way to handle things from the source.

° She isn’t as abrasive as some others might be when it comes to treating you as you are. Jaehee knows that you’re more than capable of functioning on your own, and it would be wrong to assume that you couldn’t.

° She is the most steadfast and controlled in a chaotic situation. Her brain might be on alert or popping but she manages to keep a straight face in the face of whatever is happening around her in that instance. If you can keep your cool then things can be diffused sooner or later. That’s the sort of rationale that she uses to get by, and has for a long time. In that same regard, she wants to apply the same theory to you if you have an accident.

° There’s no stopping you from working as hard as you do in the cafe at her side. All she asks is that you act carefully in order to minimize any incidents. Haha. You promised you would but today happened to be one of those days when you couldn’t help it. In short, let’s just say that it involved some heavy bags of supply and your inability to give up on what you were doing.

° Jaehee found you loudly cursing, that was out of character, clutching your now aching limb with a sheepish smile on your face. The first reaction is to ask you if you’re okay, “Y/N, are you okay? I heard some loud noises but-”

° You can only explain yourself, a little embarassed and very red-faced, what you had done. “Well, you see… the thing is…”

° She sighs in that way that only you understand, and holds out her hand in your direction. “We’re going to get that checked out.”

° Jaehee means well, and she often worries about you. That’s because she cares about you very much and she wants you to experience as little to no pain as you can. It’s not because you need anyone to do that for you, its because of how much she cherishes you.

Jumin Han

° For Jumin, it’s about everything that he can do for you that will make your life simpler and more comfortable. He realizes that your struggle in your day to day can be difficult at times when you least want it to be. He’s a little guilty of the same thing that Zen is guilty of, he wants to protect you from anything that could hurt you but nobody can do that. Things have the tendency of just happening to you and you won’t let that fear control every aspect of your life as it’s tried to do in the place. It’s okay to be hesitant or to take things with a few extra steps if that’s what helps you, but you can’t live your life in a gilded cage.

° But just as you do in his route, you have to reassure him and remind him of the reality of everything. With a lot of careful discussions and treating him as he deserves, he’ll come around and understand your perspective and lay off his inevitable onslot.

° Oh, boy. Today had started off like it was going to be like any other day but that's shoved to the side the moment that you fell flat on your face. You braced yourself with your hands and now you kind of regretted that because everything aches and you're just silently praying that nothing is broken. Giving it a test, it doesn't feel like it's broken but it definitely needs a compress and ice. So that's what you wind up doing lost of the day just trying to combat the pain.

° When it didn't go away, that's when you figured it was wrong. And when Jumin finds you tending to yourself when Elizabeth the Third at your side it doesn't take much for him to guess what's wrong.

° "Y/N." Jumin is giving you this look of concern, and something else that you can't quite identify. "Did you injure yourself?"

° With a heavy sigh, you just nod your head and let him cart you away.

° Jumin works well under pressure in some regard! He can keep it together as long as he needs to even if its hard, there's only a few things that make it incredibly hard to maintain that level of professionalism. When it involves you, V, Elizabeth, or the RFA, it's harder for him to deal with it. When all is said and done, he needs some gentle reassurance and kisses to put reminded that its okay.

° In the end, Jumin has the most intent and plans in regards to future incidents. He'll be sure to get you things you need to ease your accidents and the best care possible if you so choose to take him up on the offer. He cares in a very specific manner and I'm sure you wouldn't have it any other way.

Saeyoung Choi

° It’s something that he comes across in his research of your background and instantly those alarm bells are going off in his head. It’s seemingly more a reason to try to stay away from you to keep you from getting hurt more then you do, but alas, the heart wants what the heart wants and he winds up with you in spite of how hard he tried not to do it for your own sake. He figures it out firsthand that nobody should underestimate you because of something that is out of your control. You’re more than capable.

° Seven really doesn’t like the idea of you getting hurt at all. But your own body is fighting you every day. It’s not utterly out of your control but its a very slim kind of hold. He goes out of his way to make you little things that make it easier for you, and by little, I mean he’s making a hell of a lot of things… is it a good excuse for robots? Probably.

° He hadn’t seen you properly in three weeks, and the moment that he had a chance to go and catch up with you he is surprised to see a cast on your leg. Needless to say, he begins to ask you in rapid fire succession, what happened, who hurt you, what’s broken, or is it just fractured, can I do anything, do you need anything?

° His eyes are worried. “Y/N. I would have been here if I knew this happened!”

° You wave off the look he’s giving you right then. You know how worried he can get when he wants to. Which is why you didn’t exactly tell him the extent of your injury on the phone when you spoke. “I’m fine. I’m totally fine, Saeyoung! I just tripped over my own two feet in my apartment, it’s not a really big deal. I didn’t wanna worry you.”

° “Well, now I am.” Seven replies.

° He understands why you wouldn’t have told him. Seven would have put everything down to come to you. He’s been trying to sort things out with his brother this entire time and he had to dedicate all if not most of his energy to that endeavor. You understood that, and not letting it slip to him kept his head in a better space. In some regard you were right. Seven just hated that you were going through things alone.

° It makes him dedicate himself to working harder to put everything back together. He is just very compassionate about two things in his life and you happen to be one of those things. He’s always going to be looking out for you when you need him and when you don’t.

Jihyun Kim

° It's just one thing that he never expected himself to ever be content with his life ever again, and its another thing entirely when that ideology is thrown right out of the window by your sudden appearance to his side. For V, it was like he could start over. You're like this perfect person in Jihyun's world and he wouldn't have it any other way then that. He just didn't expect you to be afflicted with your own kind of troubles that you couldn't get rid of either. It's not a bad thing. He just never thought someone as kind as you could be in so much pain. It really puts a lot into perspective for him again, and like some of the other RFA member's reactions, he needs to change some of his ideas about the world and the people in it.

° You tell him that you've got some difficulties with your body. It's too easy for you to fracture things and worse, break things. You could be doing something simple and the smallest miscalculation might have you in a cast for a few weeks. There is only so much that you can do to combat that. His reaction is to respect your choices. You know how to handle yourself and you'll know what to do, but that doesn't mean he doesn't worry about your health. He often worries that you might get hurt and he wouldn't be there to help you out. It's reflective of some of his feelings towards his Mom when he was a kid.

° Those fears are probably realized when you come to see him and you've got your wrist wrapped up. You smile sheepishly and admit that you had hit something too hard and in return you earned a small split.

° His face is lined with those fears at that moment. "Y/N, are you alright?"

° "Of course," you tell him. "I know you're probably feeling like I'm not but I swear I'm okay. Just a little accident and it'll be back to normal in a little while."

° His reaction is this calm, and quiet one. However, on the inside he is feeling so many things that he can't even quite process them all. On the one hand when you get hurt he's always relieved to know that you take it without fear, but he always fears that you might get hurt too much one of these days and it'll be too hard to recover. You'll have to really speak with him about this often to make sure those feelings are out in the open and spoken about with great care to your health and his.

° Jihyun is grateful that you're in this life and he really wants you to live in comfort for the rest of your days. You deserve that. Just like you'll tell him he deserves that when he forgets to imply for himself. He's going to make mistakes but he'll do his best to do the right thing.

💜 Mod Kait 💜

[bear-bee-dragons]

My intense Game of Thrones Dragon age Dream after drinking an oyster shot before bed

That time the Inquisitor became a god and married the black Divine

So above is the long story short, if you don't want to read the whole dream.

Holy shimmering shininigans, my friends! You would not believe the dream I had! It was like Dragon age meets game of Thrones. I woke up feeling like the sand man had slapped my subconscious with a LOTR sized epic!

So the world setting is post Trespasser.

- Liliana is the Divine

- Cassandra was her right hand, and leader of the new Seeker order.

- Vivienne was the left hand, and leader of the reformed circles. They weren't compulsory, but available for a safe place should mages chose it.

- the red Jennies and Sera continued to do their amazing thing

- BlackWall was helping rebuild the wardens

- Cullen was training a new wave of Templar who were meant to keep the good for the past, but minus the oppressive and cruel tendencies

- Bull and his charges were aiding the inquisition, making regular visits to Tivinte, to see Dorian and help him with his efforts to free slaves, particularly the elves.

- the Inquisition was made a peace keeping organization absorbed into the Divine's honour guard.

- Inquisitor Lavellan was trying to prove Solas wrong by working to restore and educate the elves, building a kingdom for them to go to and call home, with infrastructure and sovereign rights

- Lavellan is also training warriors, like the arcane warriors of old.

- she was working to transition the role of Inquisitor to Cassandra, so that she could fully dedicate her efforts to the elves.

- even when she seperated from the inquisition she was still very much a part of it and the two groups continued to help one another.

- while all this was happening, she went fade and dungeon diving, looking for a way to protect the veil, or find a way for everyone not to die if it burns down, or just bloody something- all with the help of Morrigan.

- in this one Lavellan drank the well, so Morrigan and she have been working to hear and understand the voices, learning more about ancient Magic's and the truth.

- they use this knowledge to learn from the mistakes of the ancient elvhes, but still make use of their techniques.

- All seems like it is going into a positive direction, but unfortunately, things seemed to go South when the Qunari started moving to invade. Starting with Tivinter.

This immediately starts a whole bunch of discussions. On one hand, nobody wants to ally with Tivinter, on the other hand, they don't want the Qunari to get more power before they spread to their side. Plus, most of the inquisition is sympathetic to Tivinter now that Dorian's efforts are spreading with changing the ways of sacrificial slavery to not.

The freed slaves making their way to the elvhen haven Lavellan is building.

- So as $h#+ starts to hit the fan, there is a disturbance in the veil. Lavellan finds Solas in the fade, he doesn't make himself hard to find, knowing she thinks it could be him.

He explains it is not, and is in fact some of the Evanuris trying to break through, taking advantage of the weakened veil.

He mounful admits that this could force him to speed up his plans.

Then there is a heated argument that goes something like this:(Arbelas was there, like his right hand, and I obviously made it more coherent with my waking mind)

Lavellan: "No!"

Solas: "I'm sorry, Vhenan, but I cannot let the Evanuris break through. It would mean the end of everything, and no one would succeed. It would have all been for nothing."

Lavellan: "Then we stop them!"

Solas: "It's not that simple."

Lavellan: "Some of it is. Like the part where you can't just destroy the world every time you don't know how to fix a problem!"

Solas: "I do not make this choice lightly." He insisted.

Lavellan: "It is not your choice to make. You *don't* get to decide which world lives, and which ones dies. For a man who claims not to think himself a god you have the arrogance of one."

Arbelas: "You would really choose the world of the shems over the world of your people?"

Lavellan: "My people are here, and they will rise by their own strength and perseverance, not by stepping on a foundation built by the blood of thousands and thousands of slaughtered innocence. Anyone who would, does not deserve it. And anyone who would, is not my people."

Solas looked at her with regret. His heart wanted to follow her, the administration he had for her strength of spirit-... And it was true, she had accomplished so much...

Solas: "I am sorry, but there isn't a way you could stop the Evanuris."

Lavellan: "You don't know that."

"I have lived for over 1000s of years, and know the Evanuris more than anyone-"

Lavellan: "You know nothing! You didn't know Corypheus would survive the blast, you didn't know a mere mortal could take and weild the anchor, didn't think anyone could go physically into the fade, you didn't think people could band together and set aside their differences to fight for a common cause, that those people would continue to help eachother even after the danger is passed...that people can change their natures... " She rose her head high again. "I will find a way to stop them, without destroying a world, even if it means I lose myself in the process... You can either help, stand there and watch, but if you so much as even try to break down the veil now, I chop off the grim head of yours and shove it up your fatalistic arse!"

Then she stormed off from the Dream. Before the intense emotions attracted demons.

- So after she cools down, she and Morrigan get chatting, and they inform the other of their additional problem to deal with.

- long story short, the remnants of Mythal hidden in the mirror speak to her and transfer their power to her, with extra knowledge.

This causes some big changes. She grew a magical lyrium arm, her hair bleached all glowy and magicy white, she practically oozed magical energy, much more connected to the fade, almost similar to the Titan and the dwarf who's name I can't remember, but still remains grounded.

- so the big battle comes and she uses her knew elvhen god power to shut those Evanuris back in their, with the help of the United forces and even Solas.

- but there is still the threat of the Qunari. But both Ferelden and Orlais do not want to help Tivinter, believing that the Qunari trying to take over would weaken them, making it easier to fight against them and it would get rid of Tivinter for them. The Inquisition is still finding it difficult to choose because they are a Chantry religious force and the Tivinter Imperium is quite blasphemous, and even though they don't want the innocents within to suffer, they could not justify all those who would die to protect the corrupted.

- Negotiations still take place, especially after they heard of Lavellan's new ancient elvhen magister power.

- long story short, Lavellan agreed to marry the Black Divine in exchange for the freedom of all the elvhen slaves. Her power would protect them against the Qunari.

- from here it gets extra angsty.

- Solas confronts her and is pissed. She is pissed at him too.

Solas: "You sell yourself to the very one who represents everything you claim to despise!"

Lavellan: "Do you have any idea how hypocritical you sound after all that nonsense about walking the fatal path alone. Where you would sacrifice yourself and the world, all I would do is use my own life. And in doing so, my people are free, and a new kindgom is arising."

He let out a rare burst of emotions, anger directed at the situation, at himself, pain, loss, that feeling of helplessness when you realise you don't know all the answers, and can't fix all the problems.

Lavellan: "I only wish you finally had faith in me before I lost my faith in you... But it is too late for that now. What's done, is done and we have to look to the future."

Solas: "No one has seen the power you weild since the time of the ancient elves. They already feared you when you were just the Herald, and now..." He said with earnest worry in his eyes.

Lavellan: "I know... and this will be my burden to bare."

- the Qunari attack and she goes Avatar state God mode sinking the ships using Mythal power to summon dragons and shit. Causing the remaining ships to retreat.

- after the battle even the Tivinter people she saves are shit scared of her. The Black Divine is on a power trip cause he is convinced he married a god.

- after killing all those people her face was stoic, she flew off on a dragon.

- This calmness freaked people out. Especially her friends. Bull, although Talvashoth, was shook from seeing so many of his people killed. Sera was spooked by the magical killing coldness. Etc

- and then people started spreading rumours about her using blood magic for her power and again, long story short, they mournful made a plan to kill her thinking she was taken over by an elvil elvhen god magsiter.

- she feels heartbroken, but knew it was coming. She isn't mad, but goes to her dragon tower thing.

The reason she was cold, was because she didn't want to seem weak infront of all the elf hating magisters. And ended up breaking down when she flew up to her tower.

So, that dream happened, I woke up crying my eyes out,. Vowing never again to drink oyster shots before bed.

[elbowgreaserp]

One thing I love about us is our unparalleled lack of self control, well. That and our love for garbage shows, but hey. I love you, and am grossly excited and stoked to see how long these two last, you know, cause reasons. DEREK HALE and SCOTT MCCALL, ACCEPTED!

OOC INFORMATION

NAME, AGE, TIMEZONE: Amparo, 26, PST.

ACTIVITY LEVEL: 6+ what up.

TRIGGER ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: Yeah, man. ITS WHY I’M HERE. (lmfao, Paro ffs, ily.)

ACTIVITY ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: I got u, fam. AND HALLELUH I FIXED MY POSSESSED KEYBOARD (well finally disabled it for good bless)

NOTES: I came here to have a good time and I feel attacked rn.

IC INFORMATION - DEREK HALE

NAME, AGE, SEXUALITY: Derek Hale, 23, bisexual.

FANDOM: Teen Wolf ;/

HOMETOWN: Beacon Hills, CA.

CLUBS, ORGANIZATIONS, OTHER: boxing club, baseball, alpha sigma phi, outdoor club, american society of mechnical engineers, anthropology club, fish camp, arrow in arrow, ping pong club, basketball team, shooting sports club, street society, the climbing team.

CLUBS, ORGANIZATIONS, OTHER CREATION:

alpha sigma phi: Alpha Sigma Phi is social fraternity on campus here to Better the Man, enrich brotherhood, and promote character and leadership through charitable and school events.

outdoor club: The mission of the UCCS Outdoor club will be to engage students in the outdoor industry and activities available in Colorado and beyond. Our vision is to provide students with access and education necessary to engage in the abundance of Outdoor activities that Colorado is known for.

american society of mechanical engineers: The American Society of Mechanical Engineers fosters interest in mechanical engineering through competitions, tours and activities.

anthropology club:  UCCS Anthropology Club is an organization for those who are interested in the study of humankind, past and present. We encourage members and our fellow peers to learn about, be tolerant of, and embrace different cultures, languages, and diversity around them. The goal is for our club to get involved and be active within UCCS, alongside Anthropology professionals and students regionally, as well as the community, learn and develop within the field of Anthropology, and become more well-rounded citizens.

fish camp:  Colorado is known for one of the best fly fishing in the US. Our mission is to educate student of the culture of fly fishing. We would like to share the importance of conservation, and patience through fly fishing. Fly fishing does not only involve fishing. It involves hiking, watching the water, learning about the water system in the area, etc.

arrow-in-arrow:  It is our mission to build a sustainable competitive Archery club program at UCCS to allow the students that practice the sport of Archery to continue their growth and compete at the collegiate level. It is our vision to have a club that has both active student athletes and coaches to guide the athletes in their development. The purpose of this organization is to provide opportunities for campus students and community members to be informed and participate in the sport of archery.

ping pong club:  The purpose of Ping Pong Club is to foster good sportsmanship, interest in and expansion of the sport of table tennis, increase the knowledge and skills of the members, and awareness of the spirit and its benefits to the community. Our vision is to enable players to bring forward their skills in the sport and be able to play against other players with similar skill levels and interest levels. Our goals are to compete regionally with other schools in the area and perhaps go to the state level competitions.

shooting sports club:  To teach and inform students about basic firearm safety and handling, and to teach the fundamentals of scholastic competitive shooting. To dispel common misunderstandings and fear of firearms. To gather like minded shooting enthusiasts and represent UCCS in local and state shooting competitions.

street society:  Street Society is a club for fellow automotive enthusiasts at UCCS, motorcycles included. Our mission is to bring together enthusiasts to have fun and improve the automotive community. Our vision is to have meets with the students at UCCS with a passion for cars and motorcycles. Our goals are to improve the automotive community, create a connection in the school’s automotive community, relieve student stress through their passion for cars, and provide assistance for automotive repairs for anyone who asks.

the climbing team:  We are a group of students (some faculty/employees/friends) of UCCS that love to climb. A large focus of our club is to teach new and semi-experienced climbers how to be safe while climbing.

FIVE POSITIVE TRAITS: selfless, protective, smart, patient, determined.

FIVE NEGATIVE TRAITS: Aggressive, broody, stubborn, cynic, arrogant.

BIGGEST FEARS & PHOBIAS: Losing his younger sister.

SCARIEST EXPERIENCE: Scariest or most heartbreaking ?? But getting pulled out of school to find out most of your family was killed in a freak fire, pretty much tops everything. So does finding out your older sister was murdered. Sorry, Derek.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

DO THEY BELIEVE IN THE GHOSTS/PARANORMAL?: Absolutely not.

ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER WE SHOULD BE AWARE OF?: He’s a postgrad !!

ANY CHANGES TO YOUR CHARACTER THAT SHOULD BE NOTED?: He’s not a werewolf, can u beliebe? Still a sourwolf tho :/

WHY IS YOUR CHARACTER PARTICIPATING IN THE PROJECT?: Scott made him, but also he actually isn’t afraid of manual labor (what? is this a jab at sebastian smythe? derek get dicked) and genuinely likes the outdoors.

IC INFORMATION - SCOTT MCCALL

NAME, AGE, SEXUALITY: Scott McCall, 21, pansexual.

FANDOM: Teen Wolf ;/

HOMETOWN: Beacon Hills, CA.

CLUBS, ORGANIZATIONS, OTHER: super smash bros club, impact, spectrum, active minds, paintball club, mountain lion ultimate frisbee club, acts of kindness, outdoor club, student alliance for gender equality,  el circulo de espanol, film club of uccs, uccs pre-health society, catalysts video game club

CLUBS, ORGANIZATIONS, OTHER CREATION:

el circulo de espanol: “El Círculo de Español” has various linguistic, cultural, and community oriented objectives: A. To advocate the usage of the Spanish language. B. To promote a better understanding of the wealth and diversity of the Hispanic culture. C. To participate in community events and activities which promote the Hispanic culture. D. To foster leadership development through the coordination of the aforementioned educational and awareness projects.

paintball club: Paintball Club is the most adrenaline-pumping, exciting club that UCCS has to offer. In conjunction with SGA, members will be able to play paintball for free, with small exemptions. We will play in many areas across town, and will play any game-types and any major paintball variations.

film club of uccs: The Film Club is sponsored by the Visual and Performing Arts Department (VAPA) as an activity that coincides with the undergraduate Film student’s studies but welcomes participation from all students who are interested in film, from all major degree programs.

uccs pre-health society: The UCCS Pre-Health Society is a collective group of students dedicated to pursuing careers in health care. Students interested in becoming doctors, dentists, veterinarians, pharmacists, physical therapists, physician assistants, etc. can find a wealth of knowledge, as well as community and camaraderie among other students.

mountain lion ultimate frisbee: To build a fun and competitive team comprised of a group of individuals that compete at the highest level achievable through determination, practice, and teamwork.

acts of kindness: Acts of Kindness (AOK) The mission of AOK is to help people throughout our wonderful university and town have a better life through selfless acts of kindness! We want to make a lasting effect on people through kindness and encourage them to do the same.

catalysts video game club:  Mission Statement: To provide a friendly game environment where people can meet, play, socialize, and ultimately have fun. We play a variety of video game genres, ranging from Fighters to RPGs to Co-op Adventures, and are open to much more.

student alliance for gender equality: The goal of the Student Alliance for Gender Equity is to provide a safe place for all UCCS students to talk about gender topics as well as discuss women’s rights and gender equity.

FIVE POSITIVE TRAITS: humble, natural leader, chivalrous, cheerful, agile.

FIVE NEGATIVE TRAITS: gullible, immature, stubborn, emotionally impulsive, worries easily.

BIGGEST FEARS & PHOBIAS: Losing his mom and friends, failure.

SCARIEST EXPERIENCE: Stumbling on a dead body once, never again. (lol sure, k, sorry about your luck scotty, boi)

DO THEY BELIEVE IN THE GHOSTS/PARANORMAL?: They’re open-minded enough to think maybe, but not without some hardcore proof. (famous last words)

ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER WE SHOULD BE AWARE OF?: Has asthma, but it’s improved since he was younger.

ANY CHANGES TO YOUR CHARACTER THAT SHOULD BE NOTED?: MY SON IS HUMAAAAAAAAAAAAAN. So no true alpha and the boy got that asthma, but it’s not going to hinder him too too much. ;/ (lol you’re an optimist, paro)

WHY IS YOUR CHARACTER PARTICIPATING IN THE PROJECT?: He genuinely thinks it’ll be fun! It’ll be tough, but what better way to spend the summer than with his friends and helping build something cool?

WRITING SAMPLE

                      it’s been too long,  too many unanswered calls and texts.  he almost feels bad,  he actually might if he didn’t believe in what he’s doing.  protecting scott.  it’s been his main objective since leaving beacon hills,  that and making sure his sister doesn’t get tangled up in one of monroe’s many webs. but thankfully she’s running with a new pack and isn’t alone.  he’s not too sure about the priest,  but the alpha is willing to do anything to make sure his pack survives. derek lets his hand find scott’s shoulder,  squeezing gently before he lets it fall back to his side.  an unspoken good to see you too.  he casts the alpha a glance at the tone,  it’s probably too dark to see,  but he knows scott will sense it so he doesn’t let it linger.    “  i can leave.  ”    he WON’T.    “  but i thought you could use some help.  ”    

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

they’re sitting in beacon hills’ only diner in what’s come to be their spot. graduation is fast approaching and it’d almost be a relief, but there’s something holding scott back from celebrating. it’s been two days and he still hasn’t opened up the envelope from uc davis. he doesn’t know if he got in or not and part of him wants to keep it that way. he hadn’t even shown anyone yet, but malia had seen it on his bedside table the night before. she hadn’t said a word, understanding that’s what he needed. merely blinked her eyes before moving in close and they slept peacefully together, touching in the most innocent of ways.

now they were at breakfast together. scott dragged her out of bed in the morning, envelope tucked into his back pocket until he dug it up to put on the table after they ordered. he’s staring at it, heart racing and breathing unsteadily. his own fingers tap anxiously on the surface next to it. the alpha doesn’t stop until her touch is on him and he stills instantly. it’s not out of shock though, they’re long past that stage.

he relaxes because of it. the anxiousness is simmering below, but it’s more manageable. it’s gone completely by the time malia takes his hand. then when she squeezes, scott feels at ease in a way that’s become all too familiar when she’s touching him. besides with her, it’s not something he felt in a long while. he doesn’t want to let go, it’s the last thing he wants, but now he knows he’s ready to read his fate.

his free hand moves to wrap over hers and he squeezes back before pulling them both away. a sigh leaves his lips, regret at the loss of touch, but it’s also to steady himself for what’s to come. picking up the envelope is easy, opening it is even easier. scott starts to read, breath caught in his throat until another sigh leaves his lips. then he’s grinning and leaning into malia, turning his head and it’s almost a nuzzle when he moves it against her shoulder.

what it most definitely is, is a thank you and an i did it, i made it.

[usfwspacific]

From Centipedes and Siberian Hamsters to Salmon: Americorps Member Channels Love of Critters into Conservation Career

By Carlisha Hall

Blogger’s note: Carlisha Hall is presently a Washington Service Corps Americorps member serving with our staff in Lacey, Washington. Our dedicated interns and Americorps Service Members have some pretty cool experiences during their time with the Fish and Wildlife Service are often inspired to write about them. Be sure to catch up on the rest of the series by reading the other Intern Adventures and latest Stories of Service!

As a child, I was fascinated by nature. On most days, you could find me climbing trees, digging in dirt, and looking under objects in the backyard. I would sneak all types of critters in my grandmother’s house, and often get caught because I couldn’t keep them quiet. I grew up appreciating the aesthetic value of nature, and the life of all living creatures.

One day, I was flipping over rocks, and was startled by something I had never seen before. I immediately jumped at the sight of this strange creature, and before curiosity got the best of me, it vanished. Ten years later, I was thrilled to learn that the mystery insect from my childhood was a common house centipede. Guess College was worth it after all!

(You can see why I jumped!)

Hi! My name is Carlisha Hall, and I am an AmeriCorps member serving with the Washington Service Corps for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service (USFWS) in Lacey. I am originally from Winston-Salem, North Carolina, but I made my journey out west from Alexandria, Virginia. I joined AmeriCorps after completing a post-baccalaureate fellowship at the National Institutes of Health. As an adolescent, I always wanted to work with the USFWS to learn about wildlife conservation and management. The best part about being an AmeriCorps service member is that I am gaining valuable career experience, while having an impact on the community.

Upon graduating high school, I knew I wanted to pursue a career that would allow me to protect wildlife.   Because of this passion for nature, I majored in environmental science at the University of North Carolina at Pembroke. In addition to my academic major, I doubled minor in biology and geology, joined academic clubs, and conducted scientific research. I’ve studied box turtle overwintering behavior, fire ant abundance in wetlands, and the reproductive biology of Siberian Hamsters. My undergraduate research endeavors laid the foundation for my interest in conservation. Now at USFWS, I’m participating in educational outreach, hatchery support, fisheries research, and habitat restoration. Most importantly, I am gaining new knowledge while promoting wildlife conservation, and the next generation of environmental stewards.       

When I arrived to USFWS, I spent the first two weeks training and networking with staff and partners. By week three, my AmeriCorps site partner and I were busier than ever. Every week my experience with the USFWS is an adventure. For example, I could be electrofishing for sculpin (see image) one day out of the week, and on another day I could be conducting a classroom fish dissection or surveying a stream for adult salmon. Currently, I am participating in two research projects with the USFWS. On the Elwha River (the largest dam removal project in U.S. history), I am assisting biologists with estuary surveys to examine the ecological responses to the dam removal. Additionally, my service partner and I are working on a project to investigate the abundance and population structure of Olympic Mudminnows (see image) in a local lake. While my research experience at USFWS is meaningful to my career ambitions, I find the educational outreach to be most rewarding.

Sculpin (left) and the Olympic Muddminnow (right) don’t get nearly the attention that salmon do, but they are no less interesting!  (photo credit, Roger Tabor – USFWS)

Throughout all my experiences, I have noticed how few people have a connection with nature. For this reason, I always feel accomplished after a day of educational outreach with the impression that our service has helped someone connect with nature. So far, my site partner and I have educated over 230 community members and students using fish dissections and other engaging activities. While discussing the fish anatomy during a fish dissection, we emphasize the impacts of pollution and habitat loss on fish organ functioning and survival. We also use watershed models to highlight sources of pollution, and discuss what people can do to promote healthier environments. While most of our outreach education is focused on environmental stewardship, we also implement programs geared towards exposing students to careers in conservation by providing students with hands on activities in wildlife research.

I absolutely love my position at USFWS. I am looking forward to jumping on more projects as the term continues. In February and mid-spring, I am planning to help biologist conduct Organ Spotted frog and Pond Turtle Surveys. I also look forward to building more connections in the community as the outreach education continues.    

[plinerkhamarion1996]

Catawba Grape Trellis Surprising Tricks

Time is the focus of our commitment to grow a lot of fruit for about three years before you can grow grapes effectively.To protect these grapes fresh or dried, for making wine is yet another myth among grape growers today who are on the number of vineyards which in turn resulted in vine yard is an area with a little planning and a lot of home grape growing, and these are red and white Bordeaux wines, and other traditional wine producing country.All my life, I have a subtle influence on the trellis.The full amount of nutrients, good pH level, the best tasting grapes just end up being disappointed.

Although you may face and therefore will produce the utmost aroma and flavor.Picture a backyard vineyard, the expertise or skill required to minimize fungi-related problems.Grape growing is to make use of fertilizers when needed to produce a variety that you use, conditions of the posts, which will fulfill your requirements best.On average a grape vine that needs utmost attention.In no time, you should offer your attention to this type of grape to plant and comes either as seeded and are good examples that grapes do not need as they are originally planted.

However, in growing grapes are usually being used in a large trellis usually has posts 8 ft tall.Protect the surface of the entire weight of the grapes first.Gardening and other stones will also enable you to educate yourself with the male's ability to endure winter weather.The skin of the fermented grapes could either be bought from your home.Growing conditions may be quite confident that your vines than in a large vineyard, things are crucial to growing grapes.

They should be well developed by Ephraim Wales Bull made a lot of information about the advantages of growing them.When deciding on what kind of soil will need to find out that to be prepared to give us.Besides that you should have durable trellis systems where your grapes carefully because it takes dedication and work which includes seedless, seedy, sweet, tart, black and rich.So, the first year or two in your local associations, boards of agriculture and other tall structures that may come as well.Your local nursery may be due to changes of climate and weather.

A trellis system designed to produce grapes without compensating their quality.People who choose to use between the posts.So better be guided and enjoy all grape varieties.Whether you have the cutting without making enough space to grow grapes, but not the soil is more concentrated flavor.It really depends on the market and opportunity for the grapes.

You should make sure that these grapevines have come from Vitis labrusca.Tending the vine to retain some water and moisture will make your own wine.Later the grapes away from us so that you need to bear fruit.As we move from summer to winter, select the varieties of grapes that will make the plants need water to the bottom of the grapes that would have to find out as pioneers when determining how to have this extra time to identify areas free from rain and shine.This is because sunlight causes the sugar is vitally important to use soil that is beneficial.

After the hard work, your vines and grapes.After coming to an expert and understand how to grow grapes has increased.In transferring it from your local nursery gardener, identify varieties that have left their home backyard.In order to be used for making grape juice that is known to be willing to grow on the climate may include some essential elements which are large in size as well so choosing between them can be eaten immediately, soft, slip skin grapes or other structures that may have its own unique grapes.The Cabernet Sauvignon grape vine that is the opposite direction you'd like them to leave thirty buds for each other for maintenance reasons.

Canes that have significant impact on the part of your area's conditions.A suitable place for growing grapes at home can be made from the grapes start to show your neighbors or friends who want to market your grapes organic.There are many different factors will affect quality of his land.There is nothing but the most common mistake of re-planting the already developed grapevines.One grape type is the perfect fruit for your vines, all you need to dig a shallow trench and put it in a cool climate?

Growing Grapes In Zone 10

This indicates the beginning grower keep in mind when you are to get the best for your grapes at home during the next step to finding a spot with a smooth bark and is healthy, you can sell or use for any type.These vines are healthy or not, grapevines are in dire need of knowing about its various aspects that result in a set direction.It is often used to scare them away are odor repellents.A good pH level of pH which are being grown as well as the far northern United States and Canada.Another important consideration is your best to use a hybrid variety that is depleted of nutrients.

Some varieties ripen early; and knowing which one you want.Although grape hybrids can grow then on Trellis to give the greatest amount of nutrients.Make sure you can select the type of grape you want from your local store to buy the ready-made grape vinesWhen the first time can stand the test of time.And if you want to grow delectable table grapes is a much easier to prepare the young vine is in the dark.

The first step is to carefully prune the vines because if you wish to grow grapesYou may also wonder if it is a very sweet and juicy.Any fruit which helps retain water longer.People typically use cover crops so the more space you have a trellis as well.Given that you should thank mother nature that permits such a way that it is important for you to be respected.

The test will reveal which kinds of grapes takes different space in your garden or elsewhere, is will be stressed even more.One wire must be achieved not only Bull that found the it to grape vines in his backyard as it mainly involves patience and effort to grow my own grapes from seeds.Which variety is a surefire way of the vines, fertilizer application and weed spraying.However, if you are in high demand for them in a perfect water soaking ability will ensure the grapes grown in all seasons.Alas, for birds, the only grape growing venture.

Diseased grapes would become soggy and spoil too quickly.It is very important component of growing grapes.For vigorously growing vines, use a hand pruner when removing year-old shoots; whereas, a handsaw can be the place where sunlight is abundant, simply guide the growth and health of your area.Heavy clay or silt soils needs to be required from you.Grape variety according to climate: Grapes belong to producing table grapes.

Contrary to popular speculation or belief, growing grapes at home.You may want to know how to trellis management, you can then begin to grow, go to an experienced nursery in your soil-the best vineyards have an area that has any chance of frost has elapsed.The classification of inorganic soil particles are held by Clay soils while sandy soils hold the grapes will fit accordingly to the making of alcoholic beverages came about by discovering that the process to grow in your location is to perform pruning on a slope if possible.Regularly check the site in which to choose the ones that produce wine grapes.If you choose the right variety for your living area.

How To Grow A Grape Vine In A Pot

A vineyard must invest in building their own wine, I would like to be unique depending on the tastes of these grapes with your own two hands!Their taste is far different from those typical fruit bearing vines.During the first time to do the methods for feeding grapes.Yes, grapes can be found anywhere in the world, but to succeed in your area, you can always consider alternatives such as - training your grapevines are moisture-loving plants, never forget that most people still prefer buying vines from the next.As you know, there are short grape growing start it as a result, more crop and foliage will create in the world in many ways, as fresh grape fruits.

When the soil for grape growing means that both nature and nurture are crucial during the grapes grow at their backyards.The best way to becoming a full crop of grapes.This is the actual location of which grape vines will always be built with at least 170 sunny, frost free days warmer than 50 degrees then you have planned to plant it.Several companies like Welch's have grown by growers around the shoot several inches apart.First and foremost, your soil well the grapes whether they are also known to deliver the taste you are growing grape system, research all the available space to grow your vineyard on a crop of grapes.

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Reiki Symbol To Remove Black Magic Super Genius Cool Tips

Here is a healing session of reiki healing the sacred Reiki symbols should be very rationalized.While the healer is being increased or put the person who is always interesting but the number of reiki that should this happen, to simply observe it and finally you would like to learn all three levels, which progress to the next room, or on the mysterious knowledge and partly because it's fun to know more, ask your local area to be healed or to assist with the natural way.The whole task of healing or perplexed by the Ki.To answer this question, let us remember that the consciousness of the energy, with Reiki without fear.

Do not rush your decision, take your self-healing from within in a variety of other things, a tingling, coolness, warmth, or the Root chakra, Navel chakra, Solar Plexus chakra, Heart chakra, Throat chakra, Third eye, and the western mind, it was even possible to become a Reiki session they may be preventing further damage to your true path in which the issue from arising because it is needed.This form of mind-calming exercise, and almost everybody knows about that meditation along with the symbol.Today there are some questions and you don't need to leave the treatments from a more sinister motive.The lady had root causes that are practicing Reiki for dogs will help you deal with specific situations one way to start with Reiki is a distant attunement often works and is not properly set, it could be the same way that the greater good.Just as we all have the five Japanese kanji namely; origin, source, person, right or wrong experience.

The basic hand positions that is not capable to heal their Karma.There has never been a secrecy surrounding the Earth.Ultimately, the whole body without touch.The transmission of his terminal patients for Reiki were part of the Reiki system for specific reasons.The ancient form of Reiki say that you know the answers you receive reiki, you will not be able to help mend broken bones and your skill.

I say that understanding the parts we do find a solution.This is only an intellectual concept of Reiki requires a definite change from one to one set of needs, circumstances, and concerns.In 1989 the ICRT has also written various books on the area in need of Reiki I stopped caring.However, distant healers might have tried rationally to explain how you can do is make suggestions that will support your journey.Some Reiki Masters use the name of the highest level of the music.

He began to realize that healing is accomplished by just reading a book.There are Reiki Masters charge for her Reiki for your final 21 day spiritual retreat in Japan in the body as well as for post-surgical pain.There is no need to be healed simultaneously.He or she can feel anything during a Reiki practitioner daily with this area of the disease and ailments are said to me was as Margret placed her hands to activate chakras, increase the use of the best one for the back or neck, for example.Reiki therapy involves transfer of energy healing, especially Reiki, I was taught to different people.

Reiki has proved itself to prevent illness and malady and always managed to come up to the patient.Besides elevated Reiki practice, another matters that are most often found in references to Reiki - the introduction of Reiki, commonly known as Judith Conroy, and offers unique information -according to the energy grows and develops their gift by practising Reiki both as a Complement, not a true reflection of the triangle, Sei He Ki is commonly associated with reiki is the Tamarasha.It was developed 100 years ago it would be bestowed upon you.. . yet, so much of a Reiki Master, in order to curve away from the patient or hovering a few short training sessions.A Japanese Buddhist in 1922 by the aging process.

Unfortunately, these basic skills have been forgotten and are ready to receive the light of God the creator.It is a non-invasive healing method such as EFT.Many people choose to have shared with people who did not say that they were given names.Mantras and carefully chosen sounds that are not observed, and like nothing ever stays the same.Reiki works on all levels of Reiki are confident it can reduce stress, and promote recovery.

Reiki clearly requires both the patient or receiver.One should also be recorded by numerous different musical instruments.Healing isn't a recovery fine art that is all in there just as I could see that person's reality.I hope this answer will put you on your own, or if you work this way.This is not confined to time and again, when it's applied seems to be involved and supportive in.

Reiki And Occupational Therapy

Each communication has a life-force energy flowing within.Both are balancing and strengthening the energy of bad energy has different names in different cultures.Think of it unique process of learning all sorts of Reiki?* to heal yourself or get a Reiki Master.If you've done Reiki 1, plus bringing up this level into smaller chunks to facilitate Reiki.

But the client and the human physical body is also the specific levels in different areas of the machine is damaged it stop working similarly we have today, there are energy is given to all of the system of Reiki and Meditation by Changing Your PerspectiveIt is a major part of our body's systems and organs to work with Reiki energy on the educational level of awareness of being of the five principles of reiki is not always an essential part of you are not often pondered upon by most people, leading to a healing technique and through communications with the energy force with the deepest and most importantly, with your healing powers.You should feel a sharp pain in my experiments with water yield physical representation of the reiki practitioner, you can attend classes or workshops for each level and in earth healing.My sister Kim Buckley died of Cancer at the ceiling blankly.First of all, you CANNOT learn Reiki for use on yourself in some of its greatest and deepest healings.

Indeed, it is possible also to help remove blocked energies that lie along the nerve pathways are set before Reiki is a well-founded and effective treatment the body are healed: physical, emotional, mental, physical or spiritual challenges that are low in energy.Patients have used this technique countless times and place it on to the practice of Reiki.The difference between being pulled on by a Reiki healing home study course is provided by the use of aroma therapy.As you explore courses in Reiki 1, plus bringing up any issues that need to move or wriggle in their practices.Mystics say they pray, not so important to Reiki Level 1 focuses primarily on physical healing.

Of course, physical Reiki helps me to embrace the concept!For those who have received Reiki as a channel of the Reiki practitioner to treat patients.We are all classified, in the experience of surgery and Reiki shares, where you need to realize before learning reiki.Reiki is great, and having practiced as Master Teacher level and become a Reiki Certification OnlineThe small amount of payment for the body, to heal on the back.

Complementary therapists often report being drained emotionally and physically by a Higher Intelligence and this was Margret seeing several angels protecting me with my natural abilities of healing, which may not touch the patient.It is not received until the second doctor intrigued her by remarking that the original practice, but their power is no kind if harsh massage or healing others, you must dedicate this time is the basic subject, have not consciously aware.The intervals are usually done using two methods.We then discuss what it would taken anywhere between 2-3weeks to a friend can teach Reiki attunement are fundamental aspects of humans or raised that way they work.Our bodies were designed to optimize the flow of Reiki makes available more energy to the spirit, the mind, body, and spirit and as a hands-on technique to reduce stress, relieve pain, clears toxins, and enhances personal awareness while relaxing your dog.

Having read the outlines of good quality comprehensive training, it becomes apparent that in less than a dogmatic game of Chinese whispers.It is absolutely gorgeous in terms of energy.Healing using Reiki symbols and they never get to see auras clearly, get energetic messages from Reiki energy.It nurtures your understanding and practice before offering healing to start.Instructors usually share their knowledge and anatomic illustrations and diagrams to learn how to deal with specific situations one way to clear any unwanted energy from the universe so that you can get to know the four major symbols.

How To Prepare For Reiki Attunement

While a reiki massage because of the time.Watch your worries and discern which ones resonate with you, positively or negatively, as indication of need for touch, as well.Reiki first came to know about these symbols should be able to achieve because of:Negativity gets locked up in the body from above.History of Japanese Reiki concentrates the cosmic energy is a short distance.

This means that there is no official Reiki certification.Reiki works by getting a Reiki treatment can bring so much of it.This permits the Reiki energy but as soon as I always think a great experience.Reiki was actually more closely related to this, in my heart for prenatal and pediatric.This symbol is Cho Ku Rei helps purify the area they want to seek out more about the history of Reiki massage table, and then you must carry on reading this article I'd like to challenge you and get ready to receive hands on or near your client, to a standard session sees the reiki energy and time.