#i want to be obsessed with a drama so bad but nothing is clicking lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gallickingun · 4 years ago

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ding, dong, the witch is dead!

honestly, who didn’t see this coming? lol. but, anyway. i guess this is goodbye! i’ll ramble more below the cut, but just know that over the next couple of days, i’ll be exporting my blog so i can keep what i want, and then this will be the only post left here.

thank you to everyone who i’ve had the privilege of meeting, and those of you who have been so kind as to leave lovely notes on my works, and interact with me over our silly anime crushes. i really appreciate all the kindness i’ve been shown in the anime fandom. some of my best friends i’ve met through this stupid app, but overall, it’s just not a healthy space for me. i’m not blaming anyone else for what this has become, at the end of the day, i created a hell for myself. i’m just tired of trying to rebuild, rebrand, whatever. i’m just tired.

that being said, obviously not everything can always be so lovely. i don’t care about the discourse or the drama or the whatever, but i’m just hoping this post will bring me some closure, and maybe some for those i’ve hurt, whether accidentally or intentionally. if you click read more and you’re upset with what you see, well, idk what to tell you, friend.

i hate that tumblr can be so insignificant, and yet so all encompassing all at once. yes, it’s “just tumblr” and “it’s not that deep” because at the end of the day, it’s just an app. but, unfortunately, behind this app and these blogs are human beings. which means you create real bonds and real friendships, and real feelings get hurt.

i came back to tumblr during a really sad, dark time in my life. and that was honestly my first mistake. i latched on to whoever would pay attention to me, craving some sort of friendship that i never needed before because i always had someone in real life. but i had just moved away from my family, and was starting the process of what would end up being a notsogreat divorce. i felt alone, and was struggling a lot with my self worth, so instead of choosing to be kind, i chose to lash out. regardless of whether or not that was in private dm’s of those whom, at the time, i’d considered friends, it was still inconsiderate and childish of me. i thought i had to be some hateful version of myself in order to prove to other people that i wasn’t as sad about myself as i truly was. the words i said in private were rude, nasty, and just... not who i want to be? and, without going into immense detail, some of those things i wanted to move on from and no longer felt, were then used as weapons and spread around to others who i never intended to see what i’d said.

please, please, PLEASE — be careful what you say. you really never know who is watching, who is going to manipulate you, etc. what you say holds weight, and even if you don’t intend for it to hurt anyone, even if it’s just venting.. i dunno. just, be careful, okay? check yourself from time to time, friend. make sure that you’re not allowing the overall negativity of the world, of your own mind, of others, to affect you to the point that you don’t recognize yourself.

if you don’t know about my lovely little exposed blog, well, you’d probably be the last to know. at least, it feels that way. although in the beginning maybe it was justified? in some right? i’m not sure anymore, really, but regardless—it turned into some sort of stalking experience. at one point in time, i received 35+ messages telling me how horrible i was, telling me to off myself, telling me that my ex did the right thing by leaving me “on the curb”, etc. my full legal name was being released, with the intent to doxx me i’m assuming? i was being told i was “being watched”, which i fully believe was happening, with the consistency of the updates. people who claim to hate me, still followed me with the intent of watching my every move to “see if i’d changed”. i only have received updates through friends, because to be perfectly honest with you, seeing your worst mistakes splayed on the internet and turning you into some shounen villain is NOT the best thing for your mental health. that, and some of the “truths” were half-honesties twisted because i’d be a hypocrite to post private dm’s debunking these things when i was upset with the very same people for posting such things. i’ve addressed some things, such as the racism, so i won’t go into that again, but some of these other instances are stretches, to say the least.

the irony of the whole thing is not lost on me. the very same people who say i only do things for notes/recognition, are doing those very things. those who say i only care about tumblr, are proving that by running a blog dedicated to exposing some twenty three year old idiot on the internet. those who say i use my friends are the same ones who literally lied to my face so they could collect receipts behind my back and then leave me when it got convenient. those who say i talk to “insignificant” blogs to appear invested are the ones calling those blogs insignificant, i never once believed anyone i’ve interacted with was insignificant, contrary to popular belief. everything they focus on ends up being nothing but hypocrisy in the end.

that being said, obviously i truly hurt whoever all is behind this blog. intentionally, or otherwise. and i know that sometimes what you do/say isn’t meant to hurt anyone, however, you don’t get to control how what you’ve done effects others. all you can do is apologize. but, i know a few of them, because based on the “receipts” they’ve pulled together, the stories are too specific to be anything but those people i’m thinking of. i don’t enjoy blanket apologies, but i’m leaving this hellsite, so it’s all i’ve got left.

i’m sorry for giving you the fuel to your fire for this petty agenda, i’m sorry for creating the monster of myself that allowed you to string along this storyline for what seems to be the better part of a year. i’m sorry that i gave you material to fixate upon, rather than providing you with friendship and something better to focus on. i truly hope you can move on now that i’m gone from tumblr, and honestly i don’t plan on coming back, lol. i genuinely, truly, deeply feel sorry for you, and pray that you can turn this obsessive focus from me to something more productive, something healthier.

the angry part of me wants everyone to realize that the start of this, the matchups/refunds situation, was born from this stalkerish behavior. it has taken me months to put the pieces together, because i truly didn’t think someone who i’d called my friend once would ever string together such a lie, or rather an exaggerated, adulterated truth, but i guess it’s what happened, in the end.

there are a lot of, uh, conveniently timed “releases” of receipts even though they were months after the initial occurrence of the offense. i can’t go into each one, because, frankly, there are too many. i just hope that in the wake of all of these horrible exposes of things i’ve done, others are able to reflect on their actions. telling me one thing while currently speaking to another individual and telling them another, blatantly LYING, etc. are all things that i’ve been accused of, and yet they’ve also been done to me. doesn’t justify what i’ve done, nor am i seeking some sort of absolution, however i just hope that these individuals can see their hypocrisy and move forward.

which leads me to my final point — regardless of how shitty someone is, disallowing them the room to grow, stunting their moral/mental growth, is truly the issue. i am not going to sit here and play holier than thou. i know i fucked up. i was a nasty bitch because i was angry at the world, and then that anger was fueled further by consistent situations where i made the wrong friends at the wrong times in my life. but the fact that this exposed nonsense has been dragging on since... july? august? i’m not really sure, but whatever. since it’s been going on, i have been battling with myself and my ability to do the things i love, talk to those i care about, etc. all because i’m afraid of saying the wrong thing, hurting the wrong person, etc. and in trying to avoid it, i’ve been doing the very same thing i hoped to keep from doing.

i never felt like i could apologize to those i wanted to apologize to because it might be received as disingenuous due to the nature of the exposed blog’s very existence “forcing” me to apologize. don’t get me wrong, some of those who the blog tried to coerce me into apologizing to can suck a dick, because there are people that i truly do not feel deserve my apologies, and therefore, will never get them. but, i do feel bad for those i didn’t get the chance to apologize to that i really wanted to. the last thing i’d want is for my apology to be turned into something it’s not, but hopefully everyone who has been affected by my actions can move on with my absence.

and to those of you who feel the need to make public denounces of my name, i hope it provides you the closure you’ve been seeking. truly, i do. but know that i never did anything i’ve ever done with the intent to get ahead or buy someone’s friendship or take advantage of anyone else. if i truly only cared about the things people say i cared about, i would have never made this blog in the first place. i would have leeched off the popularity of my main blog if popularity was all i cared about. i was searching for a home, which, in the end, i burned down myself. me, joking around about follower count and notes, was literally nothing but sarcastic banter that’s been taken out of context. but, i digress.

i am very thankful for those who i can still call my friends, who are willing and ready to have honest discussions with me about the things i’ve said/done and analyze them and help me move forward. therapy, medication, life choices, etc. all have been rolled into me deciding that i’m done letting a silly little app stunt my growth. if the internet was unplugged tomorrow, i know who i’d have and what would matter. i have REAL LIFE to focus on. i am in love and i have beautiful friendships that i want to foster with honesty and kindness. i can only hope that you all have the opportunity to have those very same things.

will i stop writing? nah, dude. no way. i’m just getting started. in my absence, in choosing to stay away from a place that makes me sick to my stomach with anxiety, i’ve delved into my original characters and i’ve written thousands of words that i haven’t felt the pressure to post about. i’ve learned that just because i’m doing something i love, i don’t have to do it for anyone else.

the internet is a funky place, folks. just be careful who your friends are, okay?

anyway. peace out, girl scouts. i wish you all the best 💖

#morgan.txt #tw mental health #tw suicide mention #tw discourse #tw drama #THAT’S ALL FOLKS! signing off xx

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thebiasrekkers · 5 years ago

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Breathe: For The Reunion | PJM

For the @bangtanscenery - April Showers Bring May Flowers Project in celebration of the Spring Season!

Plot: Jimin’s curse is broken, allowing him to return to his own time. But there is a sense of emptiness that lingers inside of him as he readjusts to his former life. Just as things start to make sense again, he’s greeted by a face he’s longed to see once more.

Rating: PG-13 // SFW

Pairing: Park Jimin x Female OC (Brianna Larkins)

Warnings: Mild language, mental health issues, implication of curses/magic

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 8.2K

AN: Well, we finally made it here guys. We made it and now I'm sad that it's over. But I'm also happy I made it this far. I never imagined I would write a story like this and now that I have, I want to incorporate time-slip themes every chance I get. LOL. Thank you all for who has followed and loved this story. And thank you to those who will stumble across this in the future. You're awesome and you are loved.

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

“Yo, Jimin! Stop spacing out and come on!”

Rolling his eyes, Jimin followed behind the others as they made their way up a large, grassy hill. Spring was in full force and his allergies were acting up. He didn’t want to come out there in the first place. The countryside was nice, but only when he had the time to spare to enjoy it. Assignments were piling up now that he was about to finish Grad School. His friends were insistent that he take a break before he burnt himself out. Jimin didn’t mind the burn out. It meant he was putting his whole heart into something.

Trekking up the mountain, however, felt like a colossal waste of his time.

“Jimin Hyung, you’re too slow!” yelled Taehyung as he motioned for him to hurry up.

Jimin scoffed as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, clambering up the hill. Out of the seven of them, he was lagging behind. Mostly because he was in no real hurry to get to their destination. He wasn’t the superstitious type, but he indulged his friends every once in a while.

Hence why they were making this trip up the mountain in the first place.

“The house isn’t going anywhere, Taehyung-ah,” he called back, adjusting his sunglasses, “and neither is the old woman, I’m sure.”

He finally made it to the top of the hill where the others were taking a break to hydrate themselves. Even though they started their journey up the mountain in the morning, it was already nearing midday. The heat was slowly intensifying and Jimin could only wipe at the sweat on his neck and brow with his handkerchief.

Jungkook tossed a bottle of water over to him as he made his to the others. Yoongi and Namjoon were busy looking at a map while Hoseok fussed over Taehyung for not putting on enough sunscreen. Seokjin rifled through his pack to hand out granola bars for everyone. Jimin sighed, admiring the image while worrying about his mid-term assignments in the back of his mind.

“How much further, Hyung?” Jimin asked as he sipped from the bottle.

“Honestly? I’d say another mile.” Yoongi scratched at the back of his neck as he pushed the map off to a confused Namjoon. “If we follow Namjoon’s directions, we’ll stumble across the gateway to the Underworld.”

Namjoon scoffed as he clicked his tongue behind his teeth. “Not true, but okay, Hyung.”

Seokjin waved his hands back and forth in an attempt to chase away the tension. “Now, now,” he said, handing off the granola bars, “stop being so uptight. You guys clearly need an energy boost.”

Jungkook crushed the wrapper and shoved it into his pocket after having devoured his snack in two bites. He was still chewing. “Not that I have anything against it, but I can’t believe we’re going to a witch’s house.”

“Hey,” Taehyung said, sucking air through his teeth, “she’s not a witch! She’s a powerful shaman.”

Jimin rolled his eyes. “Oh geez…”

“I can’t believe I was dragged out of bed to hike up a mountain for half the day,” muttered Yoongi as he bit into the granola bar, “I’m already behind on my work.”

“You can work anytime,” said Namjoon as he bumped shoulders with him, “you need some sun.”

Hoseok smirked as he handed Yoongi a water bottle. “It’s true, Hyung. You can’t stay trapped in your basement all day.”

Yoongi frowned. “It’s my studio, guys.”

Suddenly, Jungkook threw himself onto Yoongi’s back in a playful hug. “Aw, c’mon, Hyung! You’re starting to sound like Jimin Hyung, obsessed with work all the time!”

“I’m still in school, you dummy,” Jimin snapped as he reached out to poke Jungkook’s cheek, “and so are you. You should take it more seriously.”

He watched his friend pout, still clinging to Yoongi. “After college, that’s it. I’m never going back to school again!”

Jimin smirked as he shook his head. Jungkook had a plan, albeit a simple one, and if his parents hadn’t forced him to go to college in the first place, he’d already be joining the workforce like an adult. Having a college education didn’t make things better, but it would be nice if the world didn’t treat him like the simpleton he always portrayed himself to be. Thankfully, Hoseok and Seokjin helped him with his studies. Taehyung worked full-time and only gave himself time off to poke at Jimin since, out of the two of them, Jimin was the one who decided to attend Grad School.

Taehyung peered over Namjoon’s shoulder at the map, then looked over where another hill crested off just to the North. “Uh, shouldn’t it be just over that hill up there?”

Jimin watched Yoongi’s chest swell with pride. “You mean the one a mile off?”

“Yeah.”

A low groan came from Namjoon. Without saying a word, Yoongi held his hand out and Namjoon placed some bills into his palm. When had a wager been made?

“Well, let’s go,” said Seokjin, readjusting his pack into a more comfortable position, “the sooner we get there, the sooner we can get our fortunes read and head back down the mountain.”

“Agreed,” mused Jimin, already starting off toward the hill, “I have a paper due next week and I need to get started on it.”

Taehyung sidled up next to him and nudged his side with his elbow, causing Jimin to side-step to the left. “You’re telling me it’s not the first draft? I find that hard to believe.”

Jimin shrugged as they all started off toward the hill. “I had to help Grandma with her rice cake shop while she was going through treatment.”

He watched Taehyung’s playful demeanor deflate immediately. “Oh, I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me? I could have swung by.”

“It’s fine,” he said, reaching out to pat Taehyung’s head like he was a child. Jimin laughed at the way his friend pouted, his cheeks puffing out in defiance. “She’s a lot better now. Just routine stuff and to get her prescription. You know how Granny likes to overwork herself.”

“Even so,” muttered Taehyung, “next time, just freakin’ call me, dude.”

“I will. I will.”

The trek up the hill wasn’t bad. In fact, it didn’t even feel like it was a mile at all. Everyone was talking all at once about different things. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but Jimin really had missed his friends. They all grew up together in the roughneck parts of Seoul, but they’d grown up to be pretty decent human beings.

Maybe it was because they had each other. Or maybe because they feared getting beat into the next century by their families. Either way, they all managed to walk the path they felt was best suited for them.

Namjoon reached the top of the hill first, determined to salvage some of his dignity from having lost his bet with Yoongi. He pointed to the house just further up the hill, surrounded by wildflowers and canvassed by a small cluster of trees near the back of the house. They all stopped, blinking slightly at the stark contrast of the house’s architectural design. Last they checked, they were definitely still in South Korea and while it wasn’t uncommon for structures to have a western look to it, it seemed a little farfetched to have one this far out in the countryside.

On the outside, it looked like a Tudor cottage with natural brick and molding. Everything else was white or a soft yellow color for the trimming, the roof tiles a rich cobalt blue. No one said anything, but it was clear that all they could do was silently marvel at the house’s appearance. Jimin had to wonder if the person residing in this house was, in fact, a witch, and not a shaman like Taehyung claimed.

“See? I told you it was a witch’s house!” exclaimed Jungkook, giving voice to what all of them were clearly thinking.

Taehyung cleared his throat. “Who said that the shaman was Korean?”

“Give it a rest, you two,” said Hoseok in mid-sigh. He peered at Yoongi who was visibly battling with something internally. “Everything alright, Hyung?”

Yoongi bit his thumbnail, a telltale sign that he was uncomfortable. “...I think we should leave.”

Seokjin blinked as he managed to grunt out a noise in confusion. “Huh? Wha-already?”

Again, Jimin wasn’t the superstitious sort. But he learned to trust Yoongi’s hunches over the years. If their friend said they needed to leave, then they should have been hightailing it down the mountain. But even he couldn’t hide his own curiosity. Nothing was even happening yet. Why was he already wanting to leave?

“I feel like something is going to happen.”

“Like what?” Jungkook tilted his head slightly. “Something bad?”

“No,” Yoongi replied slowly, his line of sight shifting to look back at the house, “just...something different than what we’re probably expecting.”

Taehyung raspberried and then laughed. “Oh, come on, Hyung. You make it sound so ominous. We came up here to get our fortunes read, so let’s just do that and then we can leave.”

In that sense, Jimin couldn’t really argue with him there. They came all this way. Superstitious or not, he didn’t want to leave without having something to show for it.

Suddenly, the door to the house opened and out stepped a woman. She looked to be in her mid to late thirties. Her dark auburn hair fell across her shoulders and back in thick ringlets. She wore a garland of flowers on her head like a crown and her clothing made her appear to have stepped out of the Victorian Era - a long and flowing black gown with a white corset cinched tightly around her waist. The sleeves belled out at the elbows, covering her hands, and there was a golden sash draped across her chest - a black crest of a one-winged dragon emblazoned along it.

She took measured steps from the front porch of the house, her dress a point of reference against all the natural colors surrounding her. Her eyes were closed, but it was clear that she had no problem seeing if anyone were to assume she was blind. Turning her face slowly to look in the direction of the sun, Jimin couldn’t help wondering if the woman had seen them at all.

“I just finished making a pot of tea,” she said, and Jimin could feel everyone’s shoulders stiffen from the tension, including his own. The woman turned her head to face them, but her eyes were still closed. She smiled. “Would you all care to join me?”

They all began crowding Yoongi and speaking at once.

“What are we gonna do?”

“Do we go in? Yes? No?”

“She looks really pretty. I bet she is a witch!”

“I mean, we came all this way, right?”

“Dammit, I told you she was a shaman!”

“Since when are Westerners considered shamans?”

Yoongi angrily huffed air from his nostrils. “Shut-up!” he snapped, glaring at all of them, “I can’t fuckin’ think!”

“You came to have your fortunes read, did you not?” They all looked back up at the woman who gestured with one of her bell sleeves to the door. “Then please, come inside and make yourselves comfortable.”

There was a bit of reticence sparking inside of Jimin. But he resigned himself to do whatever his friends wanted, since that was the reason he allowed himself to be dragged out there in the first place. He couldn’t deny his curiosity, but he was just as much a skeptic as any other.

Taehyung, not waiting for them to decide, strode up the hill. Jungkook quickly followed suit until the others were left with no choice but to do the same. The fragrant smell of tea and something sweet seemed to linger from the doorway and the aroma eased whatever trepidation they may have had. Maybe this wouldn’t have been as bad as they were imagining it to be.

Upon entering the house, they were all stunned near the entrance. Everything inside the interior of the house was white. The walls. The ceiling. The floor. There wasn’t a single pigment adorning anything on the surface level. However, everything was decorated with flowers of various shades and sizes. The smell nearly overwhelmed Jimin and he quickly covered his mouth to keep an oncoming migraine at bay.

A small calico cat meowed at the appearance of guests intruding on its home. Jungkook and Taehyung immediately attempted to pet the cat, but it danced just out of reach. Instead, it strode to the far corner of the main living room area, sitting down to observe them from afar. It may have been a trick of the light, but Jimin swore the cat was looking directly at him more than the others.

“Don’t mind her,” said the woman as she closed the door, “she’s always been finicky around strangers.”

The woman gestured for them to have a seat wherever they liked just as the kettle whistled with life. The sound of dishes clinking showed that she was busying herself with preparations. The sweet smell of something freshly baked was even more powerful now that they were inside. Jungkook made a comment about it, to which the woman laughed but said nothing more.

It went without saying that the house, itself, was strange. The woman in question was even stranger. No one said anything about it. At least not yet. Jimin could see Yoongi across the room, rifling with what to speak out about in regards to their current situation.

“How did you even find out about this place, Namjoon?” Seokjin asked suddenly. Yoongi looked at him as if he’d read his mind.

Namjoon shrugged as he peered at a large fern hanging from the wall. “I read about it in some magazine article.”

Hoseok blinked. “A magazine article? Really?” He craned his neck to look at the woman as she started pouring tea. “Did you have an interview, Miss?”

“No,” she replied simply, “I haven’t been interviewed by anyone. I rarely get visitors as it is.”

“I see,” Jimin said slowly as he shot Namjoon a dubious look, “makes me wonder what magazine you were nosing through.”

He watched Namjoon’s expression change to one clearly offended. “You make it sound like I was reading porn.” He folded his arms across his chest. “It was just some magazine a friend gave to me while we were hanging out. Figured it would be a cool place to go check out.”

“So you dragged us out here on a whim?” Yoongi arched a brow. “Because of a magazine article, Namjoon-ah?”

“Come now. There’s no need for such hostility.” The woman approached them, carrying a large tray with tea and small butter cookies. “As I said, I rarely get visitors and your energy really livens up the place.”

Jungkook took the tray from her and bowed his head, even though she still had her eyes closed. “We’re sorry to intrude.”

She gestured to the large table off to the right. While the others sat in the chairs, he shook his head some. He didn’t remember the table being there earlier. Or had his mind been playing tricks on him while he was focused on something else?

The woman waited for them all to take a seat before slowly sitting down at the head of the table. With a wide flourish, she lifted her right arm up. As the bell of her sleeve slid down, revealing her pale skin, there was a large deck of cards clasped between her fingers. Some of his friends gasped in delightful surprise and even Taehyung clapped. Seokjin flashed an open-mouthed grin as he lifted the cup to his lips. Hoseok blinked curiously, his eyes full of wonder as to what would happen next. Jimin merely folded his arms across his chest, not really impressed but not dismissive either.

“I do not read fortunes so much as I read futures.” She placed the deck on the table, spreading the large cards out in a semi-circle in front of her. “Are any of you familiar with Tarot?”

As far as Jimin knew, none of them were really into the occult. Things regarding fortunes were often told through talismans and rice or even bowls of water. Cards weren’t really used and talismans were only brought out for exorcisms. These were all things that Jimin didn’t believe in to begin with. Superstitious practices were coupled with customs that all Koreans performed out of habit and from being raised in certain household environments that kept true to the old ways.

Again, Jimin just didn’t buy into that sort of nonsense.

The woman smiled warmly when a few replied that they did not, in fact, know about Tarot. “Wonderful,” she said as she gently clapped her hands together, “then you’re all in for a treat. Can I ask that you all please choose a card from the pile?”

Each of them looked to the other, before shrugging. Jungkook was the first to grab a card, followed by Taehyung. One by one, they all picked a card, with Jimin being the last to pull from the deck.

“Now, I want you all to place your card face up on the table.”

They each did as they were asked. The woman waited, her eyes closed, but it seemed like she was able to see regardless. She made little noises, nodding her head a few times, and then paused when she looked in Jimin’s direction. He didn’t know what card he was looking at, but it must have been something interesting enough to cause the woman to not say anything. Instead, she placed a finger on her chin and tapped it a few times. Her full lips formed into a small ‘O’ before shifting into a smirk.

“Well, well,” she finally said, folding her hands in her lap, “it seems that all of you have pretty good luck.” She turned her head to face Jimin, her elegant smile still present. “All except you. You have the worst luck of them all.”

His friends all turned to face him and his cheeks instantly grew hot, both from embarrassment and outrage. How could she determine something like that from a simple card draw?!

Not willing to accept her words at face value, Jimin scoffed loudly. “What makes you say that?”

She picked up his card and held it up so he could see it. “This is The Tower. It signifies a sudden change that is to occur, one that is completely outside of your control.”

He arched a single brow. “So?”

Again, the woman’s smile remained. “It means that you, a man who takes pride in your level of control, is about to have that control stolen from you.” Her smile widened a small measure. “And that pride of yours will be shattered as well.”

Jimin rolled his eyes. “That’s insane.”

“Is it?” She gave a slight tilt of her head. “As someone as practical and rational as yourself, are you certain that you would not break if such a thing were to occur?” The woman placed the card among the pile, grabbing for the others, and then shuffled them in a wide circle. She gestured to Jimin, then to the pile. “Draw again, please.”

“Whatever,” he said, reaching for the pile and picking up a card. When he looked at it, his eyes widened. “What the hell is this?” Jimin stared at the woman, watching her smile grow a fraction more. It was like she already knew what he’d drawn.

He drew The Tower once more.

“See? I told you that you have the worst luck of them all.” Jimin was too flabbergasted to come up with a decent rebuttal. Instead, he could only watch the woman take the card back and place it back into the pile. Her hands shuffled the cards once more. She picked up a card and turned it face up on the table. “The Wheel of Fortune is what you fear. You fear change because change means having to adjust your current way of thinking; your current outlook on life. You also take many things for granted, but most people do.” She turned to face him again. “You fool yourself into believing that you don’t, smothering your selfish desires down in the hopes of keeping them hidden from those closest to you.”

Jimin balked, unable to process everything this woman was saying. Who did she think she was? She didn’t know him! She didn’t know how he thought or of the struggles he had to endure in order to get this far in his life. He was young and still had more things to experience; to learn. But that didn’t mean he was some bump on a log. He knew that due diligence and perseverance mattered when achieving a goal. Focusing on those goals was what led to dreams being reality.

Nothing came from simply sitting around idly and doing nothing. And in that case, Jimin didn’t believe in luck either.

He didn’t even bother stifling the laugh that burst out of him. It startled his friends, because they knew that laugh. It wasn’t a joyous sound. No.

It was an angry one.

“You’ve got some nerve, Lady,” he said, narrowing his eyes, “you don’t even know me. And what? You think flipping over a few cards means you can tell me all about my life? Like you’ve been there to see any of it? Don’t fucking kid yourself!”

“J-Jimin-ah,” called Hoseok gently, trying to get Jimin to calm down a little.

But it was too late. Jimin was furious.

Because what right did this woman have to expose him like that in front of his friends? His struggles were his own. His merits were his own. No one had a right to them because Jimin worked hard to get where he was. He was still working hard to maintain it. Winding up purposeless and with no drive was a nightmare he wouldn’t even dream of suffering through.

At the end of the day, who gave a damn about smelling the roses? Enjoying the little things in life didn’t erase the reality that he had to face. Small indulgences like being with his friends was more for them than for him. Because, in the end, he would have to deal with his problems by himself. No one else would be able to help him and, as such, he ultimately couldn’t rely on anyone but himself.

For the first time since they arrived, the woman’s smile fell. She even looked a little disappointed. “It truly is a shame you feel that way.” Shaking her head, she picked up another card and held it up to show Jimin. “And because of that, because of your lack of trust in others, as well as your own guarded selfishness, this is your fate.”

He glared at the words on the card, only to realize that she was holding it upside down. He quickly deciphered the backwards writing, then blinked in confusion.

It was The Hermit.

“You have lost your way, Jimin Park. You have deluded yourself into believing you have a purpose when, in fact, you do not understand your true purpose at all.”

Jimin’s gaze met the woman’s, causing him to shift back harshly in the chair. The legs scraped loudly on the floor, the noise sending an unpleasant chill to spread throughout his entire body. It wasn’t the fact that she knew his name, even though it wasn’t given in its entirety. That wasn’t what startled him.

It was her eyes.

Her eyes were finally open, revealing swirls of purple and blue the likes of which he’d never seen before. The house began to shake violently, causing the tea cups to rattle off the table and crash to the floor. When he looked around, he realized that his friends were gone. Only he was alone with the woman and he stood up quickly, forcing the chair to fall to the floor. The woman, however, remained seated. She seemed unaffected by what was happening and all Jimin could do was look around helplessly as he yelled for his friends who, for all intents and purposes, vanished into thin air.

“And until you are able to truly understand who you are, you will never be able to become who you are meant to be.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” he snarled at her. “And what did you do with my friends?!”

“You will be alone. Isolated. For as long as it takes.” Her eyes narrowed. “Until you recognize your mistakes. Until you can see beyond your own desires. The world that you’ve never bothered to give a second glance will now ignore you in return.”

Her words hit him like a punch to the gut. He didn’t fully understand what that meant, but Jimin had an idea and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like it one bit.

“And the day that it finally looks back at you, that will be the moment when you will have to make a choice. You will have to choose between the world...or yourself.”

And before Jimin could question what she meant by those ominous words, an array of colors burst forth from around her, nearly blinding him. He shielded his eyes, crying out into the void, before being swallowed up into a swirling galaxy of stars and nebulas. A place where he knew, in his heart of hearts, that he would be alone.

That he would be alone for a very long time.

Pain.

Hurt.

Everything hurt.

Jimin could feel himself fighting with it, struggling to climb to the surface of his consciousness. He was at the precipice of it. He knew he was so close to reaching that moment where he would be able to process everything. Most likely it would hit him all at once, but it was better than drowning in the darkness. So deeply submerged that there was little chance of him escaping.

There was warmth. And sound. A steady, rhythmic beat that seemed to rest along his skin. It was muffled at first, until it became clearer with each passing second.

It was a beeping sound.

His brows furrowed and a low groan escaped his throat. Rustling noises came from both sides and he finally managed to open his eyes. Everything came into focus all at once, including the bright light that nearly blinded him. Jimin squinted and lifted one arm to shield his face from the intruding brightness.

“Jimin!”

“Jimin-ah!”

“Hyung!”

As he continued to shield his face, Jimin wrestled with the familiar voices. He was in pain, but it wasn’t in the way that he could remember it. Shouldn’t his shoulder have been hurting more than it was? And he remembered drifting off somewhere. Was he sleeping? Had it all been a dream?

“Don’t go!” shouted Bree as she tried to jump and reach for him, but he was too far away.

Was this really the end?

“I love you!” Jimin yelled suddenly, causing Bree to stop her attempts to pull him back.

She blinked up at him. “J-Jimin…”

A sad smile formed on his lips. This was inevitable. There was nothing they could do to stop this. He was going back to his own time now; to his own world.

“I love you so much…”

Bree gasped, covering her mouth. But when it seemed he would pass through the ceiling, she lowered her hands and flashed the same sad smile back up to him.

“…I love you too.”

Gasping, Jimin bolted upright and clawed at the air. His eyes, wide and full of tears, burned as colors flooded his vision. “BREE!”

Hands gripped at his shoulders, attempting to push him back down onto the plush surface he was resting on. Jimin struggled against them, his shoulders jerking in either direction as he yelled and bucked his hips off the mattress. Everyone called his name, trying to get him to calm down, but this made him rage against them further. He could feel the vein bulging near his neck as his eyes strained from the pressure building up behind them.

His eyes focused on those around him; familiar faces. His friends. They were all clearly worried about him, some even a little apprehensive about his response after just waking up. But the image of Bree wouldn’t leave the forefront of his mind.

“L-Let go of me!” he shouted, lunging his upper body forward. “LET ME GO!”

A nurse swiftly pushed through his friends, pulling out a needle and injecting it into his IV. It didn’t take long for the sedative to work, Jimin’s vision growing cloudy. But he could tell it wasn’t meant to knock him out. His thundering heartbeat settled slowly and a heavy weight forced him to push his body back into the plush cushions. After the nurse whispered something to Seokjin, the others quickly surrounded him but made sure not to crowd him too much.

Jungkook sat on the edge of the bed slowly, his shoulders tense as he wrangled with what to say. “...Hyung?”

He blinked slowly as he rolled his neck to look at him. “J-Jungkook-ah?” Jimin shifted his gaze to Taehyung. “What’s going on?”

“You passed out,” Taehyung murmured, draping a hand along the back of his neck, “so we took you to the hospital.”

Jimin licked his lips as he rubbed at one of his eyes. “How long have I been out?”

“A couple of hours,” Namjoon answered, causing Jimin to jump slightly, “not too long.”

He’d only been out for a few hours? That couldn’t have been right. Years went by as he traveled through all those different places! It didn’t seem feasible that he’d only been knocked out for mere hours.

Again, he tried to sit up. This time, Hoseok helped him so he could get more comfortable. “What about that woman?” His gaze met Hoseok’s and he noted the confusion etched on his friend’s face. “What happened?”

Hoseok tilted his head slightly. “What woman?” Jimin frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“That witch-shaman-fortune teller lady!” Jimin looked between all of his friends and they looked just as puzzled as Hoseok. What was going on?! “We went to the mountains to get our fortunes read, and--”

“No,” stressed Yoongi as he folded his arms across his chest, “we were about to board the train for Gwangju and you passed out at the terminal.”

Jimin’s heart skipped, a bead of sweat forming on his temple. “W-What?” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “The train?”

Jungkook’s brows furrowed as he nodded. “Yeah. We were going to Gwangju for a few days to start off Summer Break, remember?”

Pain hummed behind Jimin’s eyes. He pressed the heel of his palm to his forehead in an attempt to settle his nerves. They hadn’t gone to the mountains. They hadn’t met that woman who cursed him, trapping him in that house and sending him into an unexpected journey. They never even left Seoul!

So, it’s really broken, he thought, his hand moving to cover his mouth while staring at the bed sheets, I’m really back.

Bree’s smiling face flashed in his mind as she held Juno in her arms. What happened to them? Were they stuck in the house in his place? Had he condemned them to his fate once his curse was lifted?

An overwhelming sense of guilt exploded across his chest, causing Jimin to cover his face with his hands as he openly sobbed into them. He felt his brothers’ comforting embraces holding him as he cried. He knew they were probably thinking that Jimin was just confused and disoriented and, in truth, he was.

But the true pain that seeped throughout his entire body was the thought of leaving Bree to suffer what was once his fate...alone.

Days bled into weeks. It was one giant blur for Jimin. After getting over his disorientation, he was able to regain some functionality in his daily life. His friends insisted they cancel their trip to Gwangju and just stay in Seoul, but Jimin said there wasn’t a need. He didn’t want to ruin their holiday because of his dysfunctionalism and he probably needed the break himself. After so many years of not working, studying, and even doing anything remotely productive during his travels, Jimin wasn’t sure if he was ready to get back into the swing of things.

After they returned from their trip, he contacted his advisors and professors to let them know he would be taking the semester off after he turned in his assignments. He was barely able to struggle through his paper and he couldn’t even remember what his term paper was initially about anymore. Sure, he’d left himself notes and even written an outline, but his head was jumbled with too many other concerns to focus on school.

His parents were extremely disappointed with his decision to withdraw from school, but Jimin couldn’t bring himself to change his mind. If it was still taking him over a month to remember what year it was, he knew he would just stress himself out in the middle of his classes. He needed a break. He needed something else to focus his attention on while also allowing himself to feel productive in the meantime. Jimin wasn’t giving up on school completely, but he knew that it just wasn’t for him right now.

He moved back to Busan to be closer to his family and to also help his grandmother with her rice cake shop. She was beyond ecstatic for the company and this allowed her time to pay more attention to her own health. Kneading dough and the smell of rice powder brought a sense of calm to Jimin’s routine. Meeting and interacting with customers, as well as doing research to help bolster sales, allowed him to momentarily forget the loneliness he felt.

But at night, everything always came back full circle. Jimin often had night terrors filled with visions of Bree blaming him for abandoning her; for leaving her behind in that perpetually never ending cycle. Jimin may have gotten used to it, but the inability to escape his prison, a prison he’d brought upon himself, was a concept he was sure would drive anyone mad.

If I left her there like that…

He could never finish the thought that followed swiftly after waking up from a nightmare. Jimin was too afraid to finish it. Because giving it a voice, even a silent one, would mean that there was a chance it would come true.

Every day and every night, Jimin thought about looking for Bree. But he honestly didn’t know where to start his search. Looking for her by name was one thing, but he couldn’t imagine how many “Brianna Larkins” would turn up. He didn’t have much money so hiring a private investigator was almost out of the question. It wasn’t like he lived in the new millennium where the internet and smartphones were regular things. This was the only thing that granted him a bit of solace, knowing he returned to only a decade after her time.

But who was to say that Bree was actually a person of the 80s? Just because her friends happened to have an 80's radio? For all he knew, they could have just been a bunch of trendy hipsters who wanted to seem eclectic by having an old-fashioned portable radio. Jimin traveled enough through the past and future to know that a person couldn’t always judge everything at face value.

What if she wasn’t even born yet?

These, and many other anxieties, haunted Jimin at almost every turn. Taehyung often visited him when he had the chance, as did the others, but nothing could chase away the panic-induced terror that threatened to suffocate him each and every single night.

His grandmother finally suggested that he see a therapist. Mental health wasn’t a strongly advocated subject at the time, but anything was better than falling into a tailspin of depression he wouldn’t be able to escape from. There were specialists in Busan, but the best psychiatrists were in Seoul. Taehyung supported his need for some kind of medical attention, even if it meant just sitting down and talking to someone unrelated to him.

Jimin set his first appointment for the following week.

He didn’t think he’d be this nervous.

After filling out all the paperwork, Jimin found himself wringing his hands together as he waited for someone to call him to the back. Taehyung and Yoongi both recommended this particular clinic because of the well-known specialists who hailed from different parts of the world and practiced medicine internationally. He wasn’t one to knock something until he tried it. Or at least that was how he felt he was now . Jimin was pretty confident his old self would never have entertained the idea of seeing a psychiatrist.

There was a first time for everything. Even this.

He fiddled with some magazines until he was called. Something to keep his hands busy. Part of him wanted to bolt out of the door and never look back. There was an old part of him that lingered in the deep recesses of his mind. About how this was just all in his head and he would just need some time to get over it.

But he’d spent years in isolation. Regardless of whether it was in his own head or not wasn’t the point. Those moments were real to him and the mind was a powerful thing. The pain he felt was real to him. The feelings he experienced were real to him.

In essence, that was all that mattered.

I can’t keep running from this, he thought as he clenched his fists together, running is what got me into trouble in the first place.

“Park Jimin-ssi?” He lifted his head to see the receptionist waving at him. “The doctor will see you now.”

Standing, Jimin moved to the door as it opened and the receptionist smiled as she held a clipboard to her chest. She gestured for him to follow behind her and they walked down a small corridor. She opened the door before he could see the name on the outside, ushering him to go inside.

“The doctor will be with you shortly,” she said, bowing her head slightly, “would you like some tea?”

Jimin bowed his head awkwardly in return. “Uh, yes, please. Thank you.”

She bowed again. “Of course. I’ll be right back. Please, make yourself comfortable.”

She closed the door gently behind her and Jimin slowly sat down on the couch in front of a large glass and metal desk. It was littered with various books, mostly fairy tales and some self-help books. Others were reference materials and even subjects alluding to science fiction. Jimin couldn’t help the smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth. It reminded him of the months he spent with Bree, studying various texts to get even a vague idea of what his circumstances entailed.

She’d been so selfless in wanting to help him. There was nothing to gain from doing so. All she wanted was for him to be able to return to his family; to his own world.

Again, the phantom ache of guilt pounded against his chest, causing Jimin to absentmindedly rub at it. He was here so he could put a voice to the remorse that ripped through him. Letting it eat away and fester inside wasn’t going to help things. There was no way to get back to Bree, but he wanted to believe that she hadn’t met the same fate.

Wanting to find something to distract his thoughts, he peered at the walls of the room and admired some of the paintings that decorated the doctor’s office. Some were simple ones - replicas of Monet’s work and some of Dali. But what gave Jimin pause was the silver-framed picture sitting on the doctor’s desk.

It was a picture of a calico cat playing around in the flowers. The letters monogrammed on the lower half of the frame had Jimin’s jaw dropping.

JUNO

Suddenly, the door opened and Jimin jumped to his feet. His eyes focused on the person now in the room, but their back was to him. Her attire was simple, comfortable, but she still carried an air of professionalism. Her thick auburn curls were pulled into a low ponytail and silver hoops dangled from her ears. The door latch catching sounded like muffled cannon fire in his ears.

“Sorry for the wait, Mr. Jimin Park,” she said, her voice laced with amusement; a voice he could never forget, “I like your name. I’m Doctor Brianna Larkins.” She turned around, a smile still on her face, but it fell instantly when her eyes locked with his.

Jimin could hardly believe what he was seeing. Even the loud clatter of her clipboard hitting the ground wasn’t enough to rattle his thoughts. Bree continued to stand by the door as Jimin remained where he was near the couch.

For a while, neither of them moved. Jimin was too scared. He was afraid of what would happen the very moment he took a step forward. Would everything fizzle into smoke before his eyes? Would he lose her again?

And just like the last time, Bree was the one to speak first.

“J-Jimin…”

Her eyes were full of unshed tears and Jimin’s own vision began to wobble. “B-Bree?”

He watched her tears fall and he felt like the universe was being created at that moment, her smile so radiant that he couldn’t believe that he was the reason for it. Not even for a second.

Jimin soaked in her presence. She was older now. Of course she was. Even though he was the older one when they’d first met, it was clear that time hadn’t frozen for her. She was there with him, in his own time. Bree wasn’t trapped in his prison, made to suffer for his own transgressions.

He didn’t care about the why or the how. Jimin only cared that she was there with him and not traveling through space and time alone. She was free. They were free.

Rushing forward, Jimin closed the distance between them. His chest slammed up against hers and he wrapped his arms around her, crushing her to him. They both let out a sob at the same time and he could feel her fingers digging into the meat of his shoulder blades. Their bodies shook from the emotions overwhelming them until their legs could no longer hold them up. Sinking to the floor, Jimin cradled the back of her head in his hand as they cried their hearts out in each other’s arms.

“27. And you?”

“32.” She laughed while shaking her head. “Goddamn, I’m old.”

“You’re not old.” He brushed a stray curl back and tucked it behind her ear. “You still look the same, even now.”

Bree rolled her eyes. “Whatever, you’re crazy.” She was still smiling.

Jimin squeezed her hand as they sat on the couch together. He was too afraid of letting her hand go, worried that she might disappear when he did. She must have felt the same, because she didn’t try to pull away from him. Not even once.

After they’d calmed down a bit, Bree suggested that they at least look like they were having a session. The last thing she wanted was for the receptionist to come in and see them both hysterical messes on the floor. When she collected the clipboard and placed it on her desk, the receptionist brought Jimin his tea and swiftly left the room.

He cupped her cheek with his palm, turning her face toward him. It was true. To him, she hadn’t aged a single bit. She still had the same healthy brown tint to her skin, her former dark curls were dyed a deep shade of red that he liked, and her eyes held a hint of the hazel glow he remembered. Her cheeks were tinted a soft pink, probably because he was staring so intently at her but he couldn’t help himself. Jimin pinched his forearm to make sure he wasn’t actually dreaming and Bree smacked his hand, forcing him to pout.

“Hey!”

She frowned. “Stop that. You’re going to give yourself bruises.”

He huffed. “It doesn’t matter.” Jimin twirled his fingers through the lower half of her curls. “...I still can’t believe it.”

“Neither can I,” Bree whispered, wrapping her fingers around his wrist, “I was beginning to think I’d dreamed the whole thing.”

“I don’t blame you.” Jimin’s brows furrowed as he leaned in a little closer. “For me, it’s only been a few months. But for you, it’s been years.”

She lifted her eyes to meet his. “Fourteen, to be exact.”

Jimin pressed his forehead against hers, cradling her face in his hands as he closed his eyes. “God, I am so sorry, Bree…”

Bree lightly patted his cheek, pulling back a bit to look at him. “Sorry for what? In what way was any of that your fault?” She shook her head before flashing him a reassuring smile. “I’m just glad that you were able to get back to your own time.”

He nodded in agreement, albeit reluctantly. “So, why psychiatry?’

“Truthfully? I did it for myself. After everything that happened, I was a little worried I’d gone mental or something.” Bree laughed, as if she’d just flubbed up the colors in a coloring book. “But as time went on, I wanted to believe that I’d see you again. And if you were half as messed up as I was, then you were going to need someone to help you through it.”

It felt like a lead weight collapsed into his stomach. Even after everything, she was still looking out for him. Bree hadn’t given up on the idea that they would reunite. Whatever her dreams and goals were prior to their meeting, she shifted gears and changed her life, hoping that chance would bring them just a little bit closer.

Jimin laughed, covering his face with his hand. “You don’t know the half of it,” he said, his shoulders trembling, “it’s been absolute hell trying to readjust.” He lowered his hand and looked at her. “Though, I guess a good portion of my nightmares will stop now that I’ve seen you again.”

Bree nodded, brushing some of the fringe from his forehead. “The other half will just take some time.” She grinned cheekily at him. “And now that I’m a licensed professional, you’re guaranteed to get better.”

Rolling his eyes, he pulled Bree a little closer until their noses were barely touching. “I can’t wait for you to tell me everything that’s happened. Fourteen years is a long time.”

“It is. And Juno is going to give you a stern talking to.”

He raised his brows. “I can’t believe she’s still around.”

Bree shrugged. “She’s stubborn. That and I think it took some time for her body to get back in sync with the whole aging process.” She smirked. “That’s just my best educated guess though. I’m no scientist.”

Leaning forward, Jimin gently pressed an open-mouthed kiss to her full lips. He heard her gasp, felt her taking in a sharp breath, and then moved his mouth to brush over her cheeks and nose. Her hand grasped for his wrist, giving it a gentle squeeze. He paused at her forehead, his lips barely touching her skin there. Even after all this time, she still smelled the same. Her lips tasted the same.

Like cherries.

“I missed you,” Jimin whispered, his voice shaking a measure, “I missed you so much.”

“Me too.” She leaned her head back to peer at his face, his vision of her blurring slightly from the tears collecting in his eyes. “I missed you too, Jimin.”

“I live in Busan now.” His smile fell a bit. “But...but I can come to Seoul any time.”

She grinned. “And I’m a therapist, Jimin. I can move my practice anywhere.”

Jimin sighed, shaking his head but his smile returned. “I run a rice cake shop with my grandmother. I kinda like it. I think you might like it too.”

“I can’t wait to see it.”

Taking a breath, Jimin sealed his lips over hers and pressed his body across her own. She fell back against the couch and he wrapped one arm around her waist, practically pulling her into his lap. Her hands fell along his shoulders as he took every single moment given to him to nip, pull, and lavish his affections on her lips. They would be swollen from his attention, but he didn’t care. No matter how many years would pass by after that moment, he would never get tired of the taste of her mouth; of cherry lip balm.

Breaking the kiss, he quickly wiped at the tears on Bree’s face. She laughed, using the sleeve of her coat to do the same for him. He gave her little pecks to the mouth before pulling her into his arms once more - the steady cadence of her beating heart matching his own.

Craning his neck, he buried his face into her hair as she held him just as tightly against her. “...now that we have the time.”

Time that would never be taken advantage of ever again.

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thefloresgarden · 4 years ago

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Sad tales of a 20 something. -FRIENDS AND WEIRD WAYS TO FIND THEM-

Hello! Back again from a long ass time of taking a break from this site and my 2 followers who don’t even reblog my writings.

Anyway, the reason i’m back is because i actually show this blog to one of my bestestssss friends in the world and encourage me to keep going and well here i am.

So i was thinking, maybe since a friend of mine made me come back, I should write about that. So this is it, an Ode to my friends.

I have always been sort of a friendly character, at least in my mind i am. Even when i was a kid and used to cry a lot and be a bit on the side shy, I always had a lot of friends. I even dare to say I was one of the first girls in my fifth grade class yo have actual good guy friends, not only the “popular” kids that chased girls to see under their skirts. Actual good and close friends that I’m still friends with.

So, I went to the same school from elementary until high school, meaning that i had been with the same people for around 12 years, and damn i was tired of it, not from my friends, not from a lot of people to be honest, but maybe more with myself and my lack of abilities to make new friends.

That leads me to my new found weird way to make friends. It started in college when i started as a music engineer major before switching to media and film. Engineering not always equals to men, in this case i guess it did. Some may say having all guy friends is easier no drama and shit, and is true for some part, I’m still grateful of all the guys of my Music engineering program that adopted me and ate lunch with me every day, not to the rest of engineering students that are “nice guys” by mansplaining anything on the math class board before the teacher (female) started explaining, though not gonna lie i didn’t understand shit, i still didn’t want some greasy hair guy with a weird stain on his shirt,that i pray it was toothpaste, to explain me shit. I can fail this class on my own thank you very much.

My first girl friend in college was a girl on the bus that i knew my cousins was a friend with but never formally met her before and i chatted her ear off in the way home, i was so excited i forgot i could be a chatty bitch when i feel happy. When they left the bus (her and her roommate who is lovely too) I started to replay everything we talked about and was already very much regretting living because i was so cringey. I guess i wasn’t that bad, I got a Facebook friend request and became pretty close after that.

First friend I made in my new major program (who i made before switching because of mutual clases) was a girl that i always saw in my favorite class, “Signs, symbols and significances” she was funny, very friendly and clearly friends with at least three quarters of the class. I decided that was my next mission, i left my guy friends side after an exam in our common class and went literally running towards her and another girl (amazing person too) I asked them in the most awkward way how the exam was for them and even if they thought i was weird they didn’t show it and were so nice with me.

I made a mistake though, I told the girl i had a mission on (to be close to) she seemed familiar outside class and she said i did too but we couldn’t remember where from. Until I realized she was the girl that i met in my first day of school in math class and sat next to her. That, until i didn’t hear my name while checking the list and was told that wasn’t the math class, everyone laughed i stand up and trip and yell “puta madre” so hard everyone laughed again. I then found out that story was so funny to her she actually used it as an ice breaker when meeting new people and started introducing me as the “puta madre” to everyone. At least she got me a lot of new friends, and besides having passed more than 5 years, she still reminds me of it and she still is one of my closest friends.

Another story, I was an exchange student and knew nothing about the culture (only basics, didn’t want to be rude), the language or anyone in this new country. I was so lost I literally was trying hookup apps to meet friends (never works tho, at least on me). It was my second day in Seoul and saw there was a kpop concert of one of the three groups I actually knew and my baby brother was a fan of, i checked and there were some tickets left, bought them, put on a pretty dress and left. Going to a concert alone is not that bad, going to a concert alone in a country you have been for 5 minutes and also understand shit, that is a fucking nightmare.

I met some friendly girls from USA that helped me out to figure the shit out in the venue, they told me they were living in Korea for like 5 years and still couldn’t even read, which i thought wow kinda disrespectful but anyway i wasn’t going to let go of anyone friendly anytime soon. Met some other girls that came to the country only for the concert which wow commitment. And then I was left alone again when taking the seats (standing spots to be exact). The concert was cool even if I didn’t understand shit and I’m 87% sure I even caught eyes with some of the guys in the group a few times. The concert ended and I wish I could say I captivated one of the kpop guys and that is my next friend meeting story but, nope is not and honestly i wouldn’t change it for any of the hot men that were on stage.

Fast forward the first day of school, i was lost and ask a girl for a classroom, she was very nice and told me where it was but that the class was in like 30 more minutes. We made small talk and i sat on a bench in the opposite way of her. The girl next to her was saying she had this next class that sounded kinda familiar, and I realized it was my same class so I told her to go together. Once inside the classroom I saw her phone and she had a familiar face as her screensaver, it clicked, it was one of the guys of the concert! I asked her and she said it was him and that she went to the concert too and we decided to had lunch together. From that day on we became pretty much inseparables, until she got the sleaziest guy in the world as a boyfriend but we don’t talk about shit in my safe space so that is a story for another day. Besides that terrible guy and his best friend who dated me only to dumped me weeks later to play LOL 24/7, I got my baby, my mijita who i love so very much and again, wouldn’t change a bit.

Lastly in this post, not in life nor in place of my heart, is a little blessing (literally) that came to me from heaven! She didn’t even know this, but a semester before she was having her abroad year in my country I was in one my deepest holes in my life. My mind was empty but my eyes always filled with sad tears. That semester before, nothing major changed in routine, in my family, in my life as in general. But somehow it did in my brain, my heart was feeling agitated for no reason, my palms were sweaty and shaking all the time and my brain was as it was shut down. I got the big D, and not as in a big nice dick getting me fucked, but another type of fucked nonetheless. Depression, the kind of weird illness that can’t be seen but oh dude it can be felt, and felt is all i did, i felt sadness, loneliness even with a full house and a full line of friends ready to help me. Sometimes shit just happens.

Took a semester off and when I came back I decided to faked it until i made it, and it was going great. I did cry back at home a few times a week but i could hold it during classes or in front of people, great advance. I decided to focus in what made feel best, dressing in my favorite shit and letting everyone out of my arts and humanities department have a nice view of it. And then I see her, weird to say i still remember how cool she looked, tall as fuck, wearing all black, shaved head and what i got to find out were her trusty black vans. I got obsessed with her fashion style and decided my next mission, be friends with her, or at least for her to acknowledge my presence. I saw her talking to a close friend (another great meet cute story for another day) so i decided it was my moment, I said hi and was introduced to her, we chatted a few minutes and got along pretty well. Her amazing style and bad ass british accent made me feel i was in bad rom-com where we were both straight and platonically soulmates. I saw her again outside the bathroom while i was waiting some friends, we talked for an hour, she invited me to a party and we had dinner first (so romantic, I know) at dinner I thought it was going to be awkward until we both realized our mutual love for SZA and Idris Elba. We never stopped talking after that, she even went back to my hometown for 2 weeks with me, where all my family loved her and strangers treated her like a celebrity. She calls my parents tíos and we talk as much as we can now that she is back at her country.

I miss her everyday and there is not a minute I am not grateful i met her.

These are some of the stories of how I met some of my friends, my closest ones and those that are still with me in every step I take. I can tell you one million more ways of how i met friends i love so dearly, but that is for some other day my hands aren’t hurting for writing only with my thumbs in my phone.

And what I care and love most about all these, is that I would never want to change being the weird girl that catches a hunch and runs towards people that will mean the world for.

FRIENDS I LOVE YOU ALL.

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segenassefa · 5 years ago

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3. A Semi-Original List of Things To Do During Quarantine

Niggas all over the timelines are baking banana bread, doing headstands, and making Tik Toks. Yeah it was fun the first few weeks – but now we’re almost four months deep into quarantine and the gworls need some change! A bit of variety. Some pizazz, if you will.

Well, fear not!

I am here to help (as per usual). Digging into the depths of my chicken breast-like brain has been hard, but I’ve done it to compile a list of things to try now that quarantine is dragging along. Some of these you’ve definitely heard before (but they were so good, it was worth mentioning again), some of these you may have considered but never really saw the value in, and some of these seem like I pulled them out of my ass, but I promise, they’re a fun time and definitely worth the try.

Take up a new workout routine now that gyms will probably cease to exist.

I can’t even speak on this one (my record this quarantine has been four days without leaving my bed), but health comes in different forms. Even back in the early stages, one of my favourite things to do was get a coffee and aimlessly walk around downtown – it got me out of the house, it didn’t feel like exercise, and was an excuse to take advantage of the warm weather. Exercise is both important for physical as well as mental health, as cited by a million and one studies, and can break up the monotonous cycles of online shopping, self-loathing, and eating that everyone seems to be trapped in these days. Your options, however, go beyond yoga and walking. Buy some weights or use one of the jars of canned tomatoes you have sitting your pantry (…) and do a weight routine. Go for a run. Climb some stairs. Bring back step aerobics like the bad bitches from the 80s. Ride a bike (Queen’s Quay is really nice, and pretty empty on the weekdays). The other benefit to establishing a good routine now is that you can carry it out through the winter. Maybe not the bike riding part, but you get my point.

Socialize (safely).

I never understood the obsession with patios until I went to El Jefe a few weeks ago, and it got me thinking about how fun that actually must be when everyone isn’t terrified of getting a virus from the person eating chips and guac two tables over. But! There are alternatives! I know you don’t believe me but there are! Toronto has more parks and green spaces than you’d think, and now is the perfect time to take advantage of them. Connect with nature, friends, and socializing in an environmentally friendly space (throw those White Claw cans in the trash, please) and you and your friends will literally be the peak of ecofeminism. If you’re tired of wearing your crop tops and lashes to the grocery store, picnics and beach days also give you a reason to look cute in public again (and with a mask, you don’t even have to put foundation on the bottom half of your face. #win). Some of my favourite places include Trinity-Bellwood Park and Woodbine Beach. If you have a car (or a lot of patience) Scarborough Bluffs is also definitely worth the commute. I think it’s a game changer that “going out” now means sitting in the grass making small talk, instead of getting hammered in some dark, damp club, but maybe it’s also improvement.

Clear out the clutter that you always tell yourself you’re too busy for.

I know you see it, bitch. That box of clothes overflowing in the back of your closets. Or the basket of random hair ties, scraps of paper, and pen caps on your shelf. What about when you open social media – Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, whatever – a see all these random people on your feed that you don’t remember following, much less ever meeting in real life. Quarantine has forced us to retreat to our own spaces, physically, mentally and emotionally, and now more than ever is the best time to reflect and take inventory of what brings you joy and (God forbid we’re in this situation again) what you’d be ok with surrounding yourself with 24/7. It may be hard – times of crisis especially encourage a scarcity mindset instead of an abundance one – but it doesn’t hurt to try and reframe your thinking!

The 3 Restaurant Rule

If you’re anything like me, then you love Uber Eats. Since this virus has stripped the joy of going out to eat from my small and soft hands, we’ve had to find ways to work around this. One of these compromises has been Uber Eats. But that, much like anything else in life, can soon get repetitive (and niggas were clowning me for actually enjoying Swiss Chalet. Fuck y’all.) So, I established some ground rules, one of which being the three-restaurant rule. Do I follow it all the time? No. But knowing that it exists had made trying new foods more like a game. Here’s what you do:

1. First, pick a type of cuisine (I’m partial to sushi, so we’re going to use that for this example).

2. Next, really study Uber Eats. Find the best restaurants in your area specializing in that kind of food and pick three restaurants that look the best to you. Another alternative (especially if you’re lucky enough to live downtown where a majority of restaurants are doing take out) would be to curate a list of places on Yelp! I loved doing this when outside was open – it made eating out feel a bit more purposeful, almost like it was for research).

3. Then, keep a lil list – on your phone, on paper, in your camera roll - wherever. When you’re not in the mood to cook, consult the list, and don’t pick a restaurant twice in a row. Start building up a list of places that you can say you’ve tried. Keep tabs on how you felt about the food to compare it to in-person dining when restaurants re-open, or make it an event with friends. Dress up, get together, crack a bottle of wine (or some beers, or sake, ya know – whatever floats your boat) and make it an event.

The other upside to this is now when people ask me for recommendations, I can give them with confidence instead of bullshitting like I would have before (sorry y’all LOL).

Learn how to do your own personal upkeep.

It would probably take me ten hands and feet to count the number of videos I’ve seen of nail salons throwing customers out for being black or on the prejudice of race and/or class, or the number of hair salons and stylists who charge extra fees for thickness, length (or lack thereof), or for specific styles and modifications, etc. If you knew me, you know I was devoted to my nail salon. I loved the feeling of getting a full set of acrylics, having all the work done for me, the little burn on my cuticles when they’d slide my hands under the UV light. But in quarantine, a lot of things happened – nail salons closed, I became unemployed, and suddenly, $60 manicures every two weeks were not realistic. YouTube has so many videos on how to do basic self-care - things like cutting or dyeing or braiding your own hair, doing your own nails (whether it be acrylic, gel, even a basic polish manicure), doing your own eyebrows – the possibilities are all there. And, if you get good enough – you can always go ahead and make it your own side hustle (with salons operating at half capacity, the demand for people that do house calls is rapidly increasing). I’ve recently swapped my acrylics for press on nails and let me tell you – game changer. They last just as long, look just as good, and allow me the freedom of talon-like nails without having my bank account scream at me (a post on how I do my faux-acrylics at home coming soon!)

Try to watch something that isn’t reality television.

I know 90 Day Fiancee is that GIRL. And if you’re like me, you tend to get very sucked into YouTuber mukbang drama as well (if anyone wants to discuss Nikocado Avocado with me, I am more than willing). But after a while, it gets kind of repetitive, and there’s no harm in educating yourself on other topics. Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, Hulu, even YouTube all have so many documentaries on a variety of topics – from crime, to health, to cults – there’s literally something for everyone. Plus, there’s something really self-satisfying about learning something on your own. If you need a place to start, my personal favourite is Bikram (Netflix) and any of the Vice documentaries on YouTube, but there are so many, so browse around and find one that suits your personal taste.

There are also many documentaries on environmentalism and the Black existence/experience/life in America and globally. Considering all the things that are going on right now, it would be wise to educate oneself, especially when the tools for doing so are a few clicks away. My personal favourites are 13 and Who Shot the Sherriff, but there’s so many that you don��t have an excuse not to at least learn SOMETHING.

Severe ties and blame it on the pandemic.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Maybe there’s the persistent wanna-be friend who you tried to avoid in your Thursday 11-1 lecture and would incessantly text you for notes. Or the creepy guy who would always be in your study spot in Deerfield and message you after with the dumbass eye emojis. Maybe it’s that one friend you used to call to console you of your issues, but by the end of the chat you felt more unnerved than understood. Whomever it is, don’t be afraid to stray away a bit and use the excuse of social distance or “getting your head together” to gradually give yourself some space and make things a bit obvious without having to be a total asshole. It can help, tbh, and the last thing you need in a time like this is to feel guilty for someone else’s feelings.

Be ok with doing nothing.

Life is always on some go,go,go shit. With people posting all those fucking memes about hustling or whatever, it can be easy to feel like you’re sitting in quarantine wasting your life away because you haven’t joined Forex, or OnlyFans, or started three side businesses, or taught yourself a new language or whatever. But listen – look at quarantine like a break. You had a nice long break to re-cooperate and self-indulge a lil bit and you know what? That’s ok! You’re not less of a person because you chose to rest or hang out in bed more than you should have. Don’t let other people’s progress (or lack thereof) be a measure of your own. How can you expect to bounce back after a GLOBAL PANDEMIC if you spent the entire time beating yourself up for not living up to other people’s idea of success? …Exactly. This list is just for fun and personal growth, but realistically, quarantine is for doing whatever the fuck you want (safely and sanely, of course), but literally look at this time off as God, Allah, Buddha, whomever, pumping the brakes on what is a normally hectic life. Slow down, enjoy the small things (ALL the small things), and allow yourself to be what you are – a human being, not a fucking machine.

#cashmoneysegs #blog post 3 #quaratine #i'm losing my mind

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eikyun · 6 years ago

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Eishi Tsukasa Essay; how I met him, and 10 reason why I love him

Caution: it will be pretty long. Please bear with me >_<

In this post, I’m going to spill out all of my feelings I have for this guy. Stay away if you hate him, okay :) Hating Eishi is a bad civilization :p

I met Eishi 3 years 9 months ago, exactly at November 2015. After I finished watching the 1st season of Shokugeki anime, I was interested to read the manga. For the most thing I was more curious about the rest of Elite 10. With the information I got from Google, I clicked ch 119 and... tada~ At a manga panel, I saw a beautiful white haired male sitting while drinking a cup of tea.

“Wow, he is hot.” I mumbled. Yes, I was attracted to his looks at first glance. He is totally my type, appearance wise. Two next pages later, the cool, collected guy I saw before suddenly turned into an anxious, shy dorkie boy.

“Is he actually the 1st seat?? Omg this is getting interesting.” I thought. How could soggy guy like him can gain the highest rank in the friggin Totsuki Academy?? This fact tickled my curiosity more, I wanted to know more about this guy. I skipped to ch 132, where Soma and Megumi met Eishi in his booth (I read the chapters in order later, though). It was more emphasized that our 1st seat is a true introvert, and a perfectionist. This guy... is very similar to me.

He automatically jumped into my most favorite SnS character. No, he became my most favorite anime/manga character at that time.

After I read SnS until the latest chapter (ch 145), I eagerly waited for his next apperance. When ch 148 released, I saw him on a pretty big panel, sitting leisurely while watching the Souma vs Eizan from the screen... my heart skipped a beat, my lip drew a wide smile. What’s up with me? I just knew him for like... less than a month, and yet I felt like an idiot when I saw him. Did I... fall in love?

It took 4 months until his next appearance (ch 161). I was extremely happy to see him again, and I couldn’t wait to know about him more and more. During that Souma vs Eishi battle arc, I learned more about Eishi, I was amazed that the way he talked... the demeanor he showed... is very similar to me. I never met a 2D character (or perhaps irl people) who shared a lot of similarity (personality wise) with me. I felt more kinship with him more than with Megumi, who is also a shy character. This fact just made love him even more.

***

From ch 118 until Le Dessert ch 1, plus Betsubara 6 and 7 and some extras, my feelings for Eishi remains same. Here’s my 10 reason why I love a chef named Tsukasa Eishi.

1. Let’s start from the shallowest thing; looks. Yes, he is undoubtly good looking, I’m sure everyone must admit it! Nobody can resist that beautiful pale lavender iris with outstanding long eyelashes, combined with that gorgeous shining white hair... Oh, how ethereal. His fair skin, slender and long fingers, his alluring neck, his collarbone, his body shape, his waist— aaaaah ok ok I’ll stop >////< in tl;dr, people would fall in love by his looks alone, but when they find out his true self, who knows?

2. Fashion sense. I know you guys might find his flying necktie weird, but I admit, it looks so damn cool on him. Not to mention, I love how he wears his uniform, both school and chef one. The unbuttoned collar, half-rolled sleeves... What an unexpected style for a shy boy like him, huh? But I don’t care, if it makes him looks hotter, I’ll take it~ Not to mention the collection of casual outfits he has. He’s not on the fashionista tier for sure, but he still has good sense. Well, I can say that he looks good on everything.

3. His voice. This is something I admitted way later. At first I wasn’t too fond of Akira Ishida’s voice on him. Too ‘husky’ for me, I thought. However, the more I hear him talking on anime, the more I’m used to it, then it grows on me. Now everytime he speaks, my heart throbs faster. The power of love is too strong haha.

4. The adorable gap moe! Gap moe! Gap moe! Eishi’s gap moe is... too cute and irresistable >///< I’m sure people’s first impression of him is... a cool, elegant, and handsome guy... he must be a very cool guy like heroine’s love interest in shoujo manga or Korean drama! Who knows if he’s actually a huge dork! He can show you his anxious, worry-wart side at unexpected time, wrecking his previous prince-like image completely. What a gap! Would he stay calm and stoic everytime people surround him? Please don’t scare this soft guy, he would be freaked out and get nervous >_<

His gap is also shown by his demeanor towards people. If it’s someone he barely knows and cares, he wouldn’t bat an eye, hence you call him an absolute selfish guy. However, he shows his care towards someone close to him. Just look how he treats Rindou (hmph, I’m so jelly :<) I’m sure he’d super sweet to his girlfriend and treat her like a princess, if he has one someday! >_<

5. If he is that spineless, is he actually an incompetent guy? Hell no! You all must know that he’s one of the best chefs in the series! If you’re going to deny this, you must read/watch a wrong series lol. He had sit on the throne of 1st seat of Elite 10 for freakin’ two years (there’s a plot hole about this, but regardless he gained the 1st seat on 2nd year or 3rd, my point still stands). The more amazing thing is, he gained it not by magic or ahem, plot no jutsu. Many said that he’s a natural genius chef, however, he worked hard for that sweet 1st seat. You can reread/rewatch the whole of SnS to prove his competence in cooking.

6. His elegance. French cuisine as his speciality alone proves that. His dishes always have luxurious presentation. The taste? If only I could actually taste it... ;_; Throughout the series, it’s proved that he never fails to make a lot of people amazed. Not only by his dishes, people are also enthralled by his elegance in kitchen. The way he keeps composure while cooking, the way he interacts with ingredients, the way he set the plating of his dish... it’s like watching a prima ballerina dancing in an opera. Oh, not to mention, his nickname sounds elegant and noble as heck! Let me say it; Weiss Ritter der Tafel! The White Knight of the The Table!

7. Have I said he’s a hard-worker? Sure he is. Since junior high, he had set his goal to be the 1st seat of Elite Ten, and he didn’t just sit down for the whole of his time in Totsuki. He was famous as ‘Teacher Crusher’ for his effort to drag teachers nearby to try his countless test dishes.

Even after he gained it and graduated from Totsuki, he still aimed to be a better cook! Can’t you just imagine how persistent—I mean, hard-working he is? His hardwork isn’t limited to cooking only; he is a diligent boy in general. As he got the 1st seat title, he didn’t throw his responsibility down to the rest and walk away like a boss. He hates paperworks and especially public speaking, yet he’s responsible enough not to ignore his duties. People might see him as a doormat for letting himself doing Rindou and the others’ paperworks, but not for me. Who’s the selfish one then? :p

He deserves my highest respect for his hard-working nature and being responsible.

8. His innocence— I mean, it’s more like his naivety. This trait might be irritating for some people, and in Eishi’s case, it lead him to earn the ‘bastard/asshole’ title by those who misunderstand him, due to his incompetence to understand people’s feelings. It’s emphasized by the fact that he tends to be straightforward, both in words and act.

His naivety makes sense, he lacks social/communication skill since he’s an introvert (not all introverts sucks in social skill, though). He doesn’t interact with a people much. Eishi’s own world is just around cooking and nothing else lol, that’s why he’s focused on his own cooking and prioritizes it above anything else. Sounds like an autistic person, you say? Maybe. As someone who has a tiny bit of autism, I understand this side of him well and I can’t blame him for that. I always find myself being busy in my own world, and I tend not to interact with people much. I’m not saying that he’s diagnosed with autism, no. He might have a bit of it, just like myself. So don’t blame him for forgetting Kuga after his match with him, he was just way too busy in his own world XD

Talking about innocence... isn’t he also actually an innocent, adorkable boy? I mean, he seems to have a relatively pure mind. He never actually means to harm people. If the others think so, it’s mostly a misunderstanding. He might be blunt with his words, but he’s just being honest, you know. He never lies.

Please give him a chance, I believe he’ll grow to be a better person in future.

9. The previous point has connection with this one, his introverted nature. I can say he is 90% introvert. Isn’t it obvious? He is undoubtly shy boy, hates public speaking, easily gets nervous in front of a lot of people, prefers to cook alone, lacks of social skill... he is socially impaired, Rindou said so. However, he tries to overcome his social anxiety for the sake to be a better chef. Isn’t it great?

As a fellow true introvert, I find Eishi very relatable, thus I feel a deep connection between me and him. Every time I feel anxious in front of people, I think of Eishi that he would feel the same and imagine that we would overcome our shared obstacle together.

10. Eishi isn’t Tsukasa Eishi without his dominant trait: perfectionist.

Let’s start with the fact that his blood type is A. People with this blood type (including me) tend to be perfectionist and organized. You can search more about it on Google, and you’ll find out that Eishi fits most of A-type traits! You might see his obsession for perfection a bit annoying, but that’s Eishi for you. Everything he does must be perfect. He’s someone who makes plans and he wants to follow those plans completely. It leads him to be a hard-worker, but it also makes him prone to stress and worry. Is being a perfectionist a good thing? Yes, but it would drain yourself if you’re way too obsessed with perfection. Eishi seems... quite perfection obssessive. I’d say it’s way too much because I don’t want to see him being trapped in the endless loop of reaching perfection and drained him both physically and mentally. I’m also a perfectionist, but not as much as him, yet I understand how painful it is. I love this side of him for another reason; he always has a clear goal; honing his cooking skill to be perfect, and works hard for that. I’d prefer someone like that than a hopeless person who has no goal in their life. I admire people who try hard to reach their dreams. Also, he always gets things done properly and never try to be half-assed.

My conclusion: Eishi isn’t perfect, despite of being obsessed with perfection. He isn’t a perfect husbando material, but he’s perfect in my eyes. He has flaws and weakness, but I’d embrace those and keep loving him. I love you, Tsukasa Eishi.

#Shokugeki no Soma #tsukasa eishi #sorry for the tldr #long text post

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