#i want to be clear that this chunk is from an interview with a serial killer

[sharry-arry-odd]

If the Lover becomes an Artist, then there is no limit to how far his desire can range and whom he can reach. He can inflame the minds of others to enact the deeds he could never in a dozen lives accomplish, and by infecting generations he can multiply his desires forever through time. Think of all the words you wrote. Think of all the minds you touched, the dreams you implanted, the desires you lit. Who knows what loves and crimes you inspired? What else is writing for? Literature is nothing more or less than an attempt to fuck the whole world up the ass. Here's a poem: I wish this page were a razor and you all had one throat.

The Serialist, by David Gordon

[meimi-haneoka]

Is the Clear Card Arc even a magical girl story? It seems to me more like an occult detective story with a magical girl aesthetic.

Why do we have to box Clear Card into one specific genre? 🙂

Of course Clear Card is a magical girl story. But "magical girl" is only a part of what constitutes the story. Exactly like the original manga. When you finish reading the original story, you really realize that "magic" is just an accessory, an ingredient included to make everything more fun, but what the story focuses on and tries to portray and develop the whole time is the tight bonds between the characters, which is in fact what's happening even this time around. Also, telling a story of minorities, and how the protagonist approaches them. Which is, again, exactly what Clear Card is doing.

The original story might seem more permeated by the magical girl aspect, because for Sakura it was the beginning of her journey, the discovery of her powers (contrarily to many magical girls of her era, Sakura didn't receive her powers by anyone and they don't have a "deadline" : magic runs in her veins ever since she was born, but stayed dormant till her fateful meeting with the Clow Book and Kero-chan). The Cards (for what concerns strictly the magical aspect) become tools through which she learns to use her natural gift. The discovery and the development, the "training" of her powers takes lot of the narrative weight of the original, so it seems like it's all about that, but it's not.

And once Sakura became a magician even more powerful than her predecessor, the story reached a peak for which it had to develop things differently in the sequel: Sakura got problems with her magic, the first external people who might want to take advantage of that appear, and in the end Sakura finally understands herself and what she really wants to do with her powers. But that's just an aspect, a part of it, and it's very apparent that even this time around the story is focusing on the bond between the characters and what they do for a loved one. Because wishes fueled by the love for someone (any kind of love) is what really makes someone stronger. The choice to introduce someone who was born without magic (despite being expected to) and focus a good chunk of the plot on her is very indicative of that. Magic might be really wonderful and mysterious, but it's not what defines the world of these characters, of Sakura in particular. And it's not exempt from problems, as we could see plenty of in this arc. Magic is just a part of Sakura, and in this sequel she learns to accept it and decide what she wants to do with it.

A shoujo manga's story can really be anything and have many different aspects (even horror!), the magazine it runs into more or less only defines the "demographic", but as Clear Card is a sequel, Nakayoshi simply represents the magazine the OG story was serialized in, so it's natural they would continue in that one. As it was recently confirmed in an interview with their editors in Kodansha, Clamp are left with absolute freedom about the content of their story and the editorial department trusts them completely on that. They don't even ask them about the future developments. And I find really positive and liberating that they're not constrained by "boxes" or "chains" of any type, and portraying the story they really want to portray.

[daleisgreat]

Speed

Today’s entry will mark the first official 4K home video release I am writing about. I already own a few other 4K UHDs, and a couple of months ago, I watched my first 4K video at home with 2001’s The Fast and the Furious. However, I already covered that movie’s BluRay release here several years ago, so I will not be dedicating another entry for it, other than to say that the 4K upgrade pops and makes it look like a new release. Today’s entry is for 1994’s Speed (trailer). Before diving into this movie, I noticed one of the tracks from this film’s score repeatedly used throughout sounds awfully like one of the main themes I primarily associated with the Metal Gear Solid franchise. I have no idea if this was pointed out before, and I just overlooked it all these years, or maybe I am grasping at straws. Click or press here to take a listen and decide for yourself. 1994 was a hell of a year for Hollywood movies primarily transpiring from a highway with The Chase, Speed, and the OJ Simpson Bronco chase….oh wait (although I highly recommend the ESPN 30 for 30 on it, simply titled: June 17th 1994). The majority of Speed has a straightforward premise: serial bomber and local madman Howard Payne (Dennis Hopper) planted a bomb on a bus rigged to explode once the bus drops below 55 miles per hour. Police officer Jack Traven (Keanu Reeves) is alerted to this by the bomber himself to exact revenge on Traven after successfully rescuing hostages from an elevator Payne armed at the beginning of the film.

From there, for the middle hour of this nearly two-hour film, the action almost entirely takes place on the bus. Traven makes a grand entrance onto the bus by commandeering a Jaguar and having its owner (Glenn Plummer) take the wheel so Traven could heroically leap onto the bus and save the day. It would not be that easy of a rescue mission as Payne has eyes on the bus, and Traven has to play by his rules and get him his $3 million ransom to disarm the bus. Without question, the middle hour on the bus is the best part of the film. The opening half-hour is an excellent appetizer with the elevator hostage crisis that Traven and his partner, Harry (Jeff Daniels), successfully foil. However, once the action shifts to the bus is when Speed takes off. Shortly after taking control of the bus, one of the passengers freaks and inadvertently shoots the bus driver, and a fellow passenger, Annie (Sandra Bullock), takes over the wheel. Throughout the film, Annie and Traven have wonderful chemistry, and I could not help but root for the duo throughout. Every couple of minutes, there is a new potential conflict to overcome to keep the bus going over 55mph. The film wisely peppers in brief dialog exchanges to let the movie breathe just enough before the next hurdle makes itself present.

The film's standout moment is the major obstacle for the bus to overcome when it encounters a stretch of unavoidable highway under construction and missing a hearty chunk of the road. Traven’s solution is that since that stretch of a road is on an incline, they may clear that gap if they build up enough speed! That epic stunt hits all the right notes, and I got goosebumps all over again re-watching it, and odds are, I bet you did too if you have seen this movie. If you have not, then watch this scene and see for yourself by click or pressing here. A lot of the critical discussion in the aftermath of this movie was if that jump was realistically possible. The best thing I can do is to compare it to another film, Road Trip, which is likely a better indicator of what could happen when attempting such a feat. Once the middle bus portion of the film is over, there are still about 20 minutes left where Traven tracks and chases down Payne in a subway station. The movie felt over once the bus portion had such a satisfying conclusion that it almost feels wrong to keep sticking with the film by this point, but I recommend you do since there is a satisfying payoff in the form of Payne’s demise. I have to share a story now when I first saw this film at around 13 or 14 on VHS. My dad’s VCR had what seemed to me at the time was a revolutionary feature where if I kept pressing the pause button repeatedly, it would slowly, frame-by-frame, play the film in super slow-motion. At that age, I thought this was a fantastic way to get the most out of the biggest stunts in action scenes. My favorite moment exploiting this feature was seeing Traven and Payne wrestle around on the top of a subway train until Payne was not watching his field of vision, and a warning light lead to his sudden beheading. I slow-motion replayed that sequence countless times in my awkward, early teenage years. Suffice it to say, Hopper plays the out-of-his-mind bomber perfectly, going so far as to make sure he receives his appropriate cinematic comeuppance.

The director ensures the many passengers on the bus maximized their minutes to the point I where it feels like you are right there with them!

Two audio commentaries are the only extra features of the 4K disc in this 4K/BluRay combo pack. One is with the director, Jan de Bont, and the other is with producer Mark Gordon and writer Graham Yost. Props are to whoever decided to subtitle the commentary tracks. I very much appreciate it! I first started to bounce back and forth between the two commentary tracks, but Bont was way too relaxed and had too many pauses to hold my attention, and I finished up with his track within five minutes. However, Yost and Gordon are very much engaged from beginning to end and have fun cracking jokes and sharing memories throughout. Some quick takeaways I got from them were how they wanted to film a major scene outside of a sports arena, dealing with critics poking holes at how unrealistic their stunts were, and how watching the movie felt very different at the time of the commentary recording just two months after 9/11. The BluRay disc contains the remainder of the bonus features. Inside Speed is a four-part feature lasting just under an hour breaking down the visual effects, stunts, and location sequences, but half of it also contains an HBO First Look special hosted by Dennis Hopper that hits all the right kinds of cheesy mid-90s EPK nostalgia that it is worth checking out. Aside from 12 minutes of extended scenes and a Billy Idol music video that seems totally off base with the tempo of the film, there are a couple of Action Sequences mini-features breaking down some of the stunts. I highly recommend watching the one dissecting how they did the bus jump, as it shows raw footage of what really happened when they shot it, and showed footage of some of the specific safety measures they instilled to make that stunt as safe as possible and had some eye-opening interviews with the stunt driver before and after.

After watching that old VHS copy nearly a dozen times, Speed wound up being one of my favorite action films I got burnt out early on and never bothered upgrading to a DVD or standalone BluRay. Watching it again in 4K all these years later breathed new life into it for me. I am not an expert at breaking down video quality by any means, but watching the 4K disc on my 4KTV gave the impression of this having far more current production values. The editors somehow managed to remove all the old film grain defects for a smooth 4K upgrade. If you have not seen Speed yet, then it has everything you could want out of a mid-90s action movie with explosions, gripping thrills and stunts, dramatic rescues, plenty of zinger one-liners…..and a Billy Idol theme song. Pardon me while I attempt my best Dennis Hopper impression here, “Pop quiz, hotshot, which 1994 blockbuster that takes place primarily on a bus is a perfect candidate for beer and popcorn movie night at home?” Other Random Backlog Movie Blogs 3 12 Angry Men (1957) 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown 21 Jump Street The Accountant Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie Atari: Game Over The Avengers: Age of Ultron The Avengers: Endgame The Avengers: Infinity War Batman: The Dark Knight Rises Batman: The Killing Joke Batman: Mask of the Phantasm Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice Bounty Hunters Cabin in the Woods Captain America: Civil War Captain America: The First Avenger Captain America: The Winter Soldier Christmas Eve The Clapper Clash of the Titans (1981) Clint Eastwood 11-pack Special The Condemned 2 Countdown Creed I & II Deck the Halls Detroit Rock City Die Hard Dirty Work Dredd The Eliminators The Equalizer Faster Fast and Furious I-VIII Field of Dreams Fight Club The Fighter For Love of the Game Good Will Hunting Gravity Grunt: The Wrestling Movie Guardians of the Galaxy Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 Hell Comes to Frogtown Hercules: Reborn Hitman I Like to Hurt People Indiana Jones 1-4 Inglourious Basterds Ink The Interrogation Interstellar Jay and Silent Bob Reboot Jobs Joy Ride 1-3 Justice League (2017 Whedon Cut) Last Action Hero Major League Mallrats Man of Steel Man on the Moon Man vs Snake Marine 3-6 Merry Friggin Christmas Metallica: Some Kind of Monster Mortal Kombat Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpions Revenge National Treasure National Treasure: Book of Secrets Nintendo Quest Not for Resale Old Joy Payback (Director’s Cut) Pulp Fiction The Punisher (1989) The Ref The Replacements Reservoir Dogs Rocky I-VIII Running Films Part 1 Running Films Part 2 San Andreas ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery Scott Pilgrim vs the World The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Shoot em Up Slacker Skyscraper Small Town Santa Steve Jobs Source Code Star Trek I-XIII Sully Take Me Home Tonight TMNT Trauma Center The Tooth Fairy 1 & 2 UHF Veronica Mars Vision Quest The War Wild The Wizard Wonder Woman The Wrestler (2008) X-Men: Apocalypse X-Men: Days of Future Past

[thebakinglibrarian]

Character Interview—Garrett Hawke

(commissioned artwork by the talented @laugandraws !) tagged by my lovely friend @curiousthimble ❤️

'Why am I doing this again?' Hawke asks, pushing the last of the cupcakes into the oven and setting the timer.

Fenris swivels in the Thinking Stool, clipboard and pen at the ready. 'Because we're getting to know our patrons, and I tire of talking to strangers,' the Librarian tells the man, adjusting his glasses.

~~

name; Garrett Nicholas Hawke. ['Your middle name is Nicholas?'] I know, it's dreadful. I blame Mother. [*laughs*]

are you single; I uh—well. No? No. I... am? It's complicated. You know it is.

are you happy; ... Yes, I suppose I am. A lot's happened in my life—you know that—but I wouldn't change it for the world. Where I am now, I am happy.

are your parents—['We'll skip this one, Hawke.']

NINE FACTS

birthplace; Lothering. Good ol' smelly Lothering. There were fields everywhere. It was the best. Marian and I would run up hills and roll all the way down until the sun set. Sometimes I wish we could go back.

hair colour; Black—or as Marian likes to call it, Raven-coloured.

eye colour; Seafoam blue—again, Marian likes to coin these descriptions. She's the one who's better at words after all.

birthday; [*Fenris writes this down himself*]

mood; Tired. I've just gone through a whole day of baking—plus I need to wash everything but I'm being held captive in my own studio doing this interview. [*Sighs* 'I will help with the clean-up']

gender; Male. My beard gives it away, huh? ['There are women who have beards, Hawke. And they are proud of the asset too.'] The next time you see them, call me. I'd like to know what secrets their beards hold!

summer or winter; Winter for sure. Kirkwall never gets any snow. Which is why our parents always brought us to Nothern Orlais for the winter holidays.

morning or afternoon; Afternoon. ['Oh? I was under the impression that you were a morning person'] ... Yeah. Past tense. I used to like mornings when we—never mind. Afternoons keep me busy for the most part, and I appreciate that. ['...']

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

'Wait what does this have to do with the survey?' Hawke finishes folding his dirty apron and sets it on the counter behind him.

Fenris shrugs, mindlessly spinning his pen. 'Head Librarian needed these stats for purposes she did not wish to reveal to me. You can see why I hesitate interviewing strangers.'

'Fair point.'

are you in love; ... ['You do not need to answer if you do not wish—] Yes. ['... Oh.']

do you believe in love at first sight; Yes. It happened to Lavellan. And Bethy. And Marian and Anders. So yes, I do believe in it. Next question.

who ended your last relationship; I don’t have to answer this one. [*Fenris nods*]

have you ever broken someone's heart; Yes. Bethany's when I broke that serial killer's face. She—fuck. You should've seen her face, Fenris. ['I can only imagine, Hawke. I am sorry that your family had to go through something so difficult.'] I’m pretty sure the Hawke name is cursed. Thank you, though. For checking up on me during those weeks. I don't think I ever thanked you for that. ['Always a pleasure, Hawke.']

are you afraid of commitments; I... used to not be. Now I think I am.

have you hugged someone within the last week; Siobhan. She put her paw on my face after that. Then I realised that she had just used the litterbox.

have you ever had a secret admirer; Ha! Never. ['I beg to differ,' Fenris replies in a whisper]

'...'

'What's wrong?'

Fenris’ expression hardens and he shifts uncomfortably in his seat. 'I do not know if you wish to answer this one.'

Hawke folds his arms across his chest. 'Fenris, I've already answered some that I don't want to.'

have you ever had your heart broken; Yes. Of course, many times. I’m an empath after all. When my parents were murdered. When Wynne passed. When Marian and Anders broke up—because I felt her heart break like it was my own. When I found out Aveline had cancer. When I realised that Bethy had been suffering alone. When you—well. I'll just leave it at that.

SIX CHOICES

love or lust; I used to think it was love, but now I think lust is easier. Neither, maybe.

lemonade or iced tea; Lemonade. Tea isn't supposed to have ice in it. I don't know what those hipster Orlesians were thinking. ['Agreed']

cats or dogs; If you ever tell Marian, I'll know because I'll probably have my tea poisoned. Dogs. ['I will make certain that your body is rushed to the morgue for autopsy ASAP so that they can track the culprit'] Gee, you're a such a good friend, Fenris.

a few best friends or many regular friends; The many. Unlike Marian, I don't like being alone. People make me happy. Plus, I get to bribe my way into their lives with all these sweets. ['You are already likeable by nature. No bribery is required, Hawke, I can assure you that.'] I—thank you.

wild night out or romantic night in; Disney, and lots of snacks ['Disney and a lot of snacks indeed.']

day or night; Day. Again, work keeps me busy.

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

been caught sneaking out; No. That's Marian you're referring to.

fallen down/up the stairs; ['I know the answer to this one.'] If you write that down Fenris I swear I will place all the books in the library in the wrong shelves. ['Then you will simply have to answer to the Head Librarian'] ... Shit.

wanted something/someone so badly it hurt; Yes. It still hurts, if I'm being honest.

wanted to disappear; No. I guess I've never thought about that because I've conditioned myself to not have such irresponsible thoughts. If I disappeared, who will take care of my family?

FOUR PREFERENCES

smile or eyes; Eyes. People can lie through their smiles. You can't do that with your eyes.

shorter or taller; Shorter. I like reaching for things for them. It makes me feel useful.

intelligence or attraction; Intelligence. I never went to school, and I'm always amazed at what people know. It attracts me enough that they're willing to teach me, or share their knowledge instead of belittling me.

hook-up or relationship; Next question.

FAMILY

do you and your family get along; Both yes and no. We stab each other in the thigh but we kiss the wound to make it go away, too.

would you say you have a messed up life; 100%

have you ever ran away from home; Yes. ['You have?'] I got as far as the library. Wynne found me—knees scraped, snot-nosed and everything.

have you ever gotten kicked out; Again, Marian.

FRIENDS

do you secretly hate one of your friends; Well, I don't hate her... ['A hint of dislike, then?'] Yeah, you know who I'm referring to. ['I do. Is it... just her?'] Well, who else would there be? ['I thought—never mind. Forget I said anything.']

do you consider all of your friends to be good friends; Most of them, yes. Some are trying to be better, and I appreciate them for that.

who is your best friend; Lavellan. She's been part of a huge chunk of my life—for most of the important stuff, and while she may not be physically here majority of that time, she's here when it matters the most.

who knows everything about you; My sister—Marian—naturally. Lavellan, of course. Aveline because she has this supernatural big-sister-sense and... you. ['Me?'] Sometimes you know things about me that I don't even realise. And you were always so sure about me, too.

'Present tense. Always present tense, Hawke,' Fenris corrects him.

'Even after everything?' He asks quietly, somewhat afraid of the answer.

They make eye contact. 'Of course,’ he replies, then looks away as if hurt by his own answer.

Hawke sighs. The weight in his heart doesn't match the thoughts in his head. 'You can still use it, you know. My name.'

'I did not want to overstep—'

'You're family, after all,' Hawke interrupts, reassuring him. And as the words leave him, the clutter of thoughts start to clear. He watches as Fenris' shoulders relax, and he feels the stiffness in the air dissipate. There's a small smile on Fenris' lips, mirrored instinctively by his own.

'Thank you, Garrett,' he utters the name after so long, and the weight in Hawke's heart escapes him in a flutter.

[nomimits7]

Undecided Chapter 1...

Title: Undecided Pt 1

Genre: Investigation, murder, masked behaviour.

Warnings: murder, psychotic behaviour, might be triggering.

Members: Detective OT7 x Forensic scientist Reader

Note: Phrases like this are just add-ins to help with the story line… If they confuse you, feel free to ask!

Summary: Moving overseas for a once in a lifetime job offer was one of the scariest things Y/N ever did. That was until she got stuck in a twisted investigation of random murders, all with one link but no leads. Closing in on the culprit(s) Y/N doesn’t realize the danger she’s getting into. With no family or friends, can Y/N dare to trust those seven closest to her with her life?

Thanks Geek for being the best beta reader ever!! @feed-my-geek-soul 

Prologue 

•♡•

Death: The personification of the power that destroys life, often represented in art and literature as a skeleton or an old man holding a scythe.

•♡•

“Who do we have here...?” 

 Most people are not given the privilege to choose between life or death, the choice is made for them. Most people would choose life if they were ever given the chance, but you? You were different.  

Death has always fascinated you. You used to binge watch documentaries on serial killers, read hundreds if not thousands of books on murder, even your school speeches all revolved around the minds of these criminals. This is something you slowly fell in love with. The mystery, the way they think, but most of all the way they always got caught for their unholy crimes. It was during one of these moments you realized YOU wanted to be the one bringing their fantasies and creepy fetishes to an end. The idea of taking something away from someone that took a life, was like your own personal high.

After completing school, you followed your dreams and studied to become a Forensic scientist. After only 4 years you had your Honours degree and ready to take on the big bad world out there. This proved to be way much more difficult than you initially thought it would be. Finding a decent job as a female forensic scientist was nearly impossible. Most companies only wanted males or more experienced females. They always found some or other excuse to not hire you, to afraid of the risk.

“We’re sorry to inform you that the position requires someone a bit more experienced Miss Y/N”

It’s not you, it’s the system. You knew you were one of the best out there, but clearly being born without a third leg dangling uselessly in between your sturdier legs was a problem. A big problem.

Your country, well they’re still getting use to the whole ‘Women are equal to men’ thing. The chance of you finding a job even as an intern was next to nothing. Again, the risk was just to big.

“I just don’t get it… I can do an even better job than anyone of those three-legged idiots they call men,” you said before pouting into your coffee. Your best friend Lusai just sat there and patiently listened to your mumbling. He was always the best at giving advice on life problems, especially yours. This man you have known for almost 15 years. This man knew you better than you knew yourself.

“Lusai, what should I do?” You whined as his silence became too much to bear. “Come on, you know me better than I know myself. What’s next for Y/N?”

The red-headed, green eyed male stared directly into your eyes. Your best friend was handsome. Red heads being the rare species, he was a well-known ladies’ man. Alongside his green eyes, he even made you swoon from time to time. Clearly, he was doing something right, you see your dear Lusai wasn’t the thinnest or ‘muscle mania’ type of man, no, he was a solid, tall guy that picked up girls like it was a daily trip to the local supermarket.

“Y/N” he sighed. “You know dam well what to do! Just keep looking. Take a breath and keep going. Somewhere someone will see your talents.”

Wise words always seem to leave his mouth. Either that or you were just way to desperate. Even though he was the definition of a fuckboy, he was a smart fuckboy. Both in life and sex.

“See, that’s why I always come to you first!” you said as a smile spread across his plump pink lips.

“Yeah, I was your first everything” He retorted with a smirk.

It’s true. Your best friend was your first everything. Maybe being best friends with your ‘first crush’, ‘first kiss’, ‘first make out’ and ‘first sexual contact’ wasn’t the best idea ever. But hey, the idiot crept into your heart and well, he’s stuck there now. You still love the guy to death, but you always learn from your mistakes. Him, being a painful reminder of that.

“Whatever.” You bite back.

A comfortable silence settles in between you as you slowly sipped the rest of your drink. You loved how you could sit in complete silence and still share so much with someone. The rest of the day consisted of interviews and shopping.

In summary… it was fruitless.

Nonetheless you chose to take Lusai’s advice and keep trying. Somewhere out there, someone will see that you are worth the risk. You are passionate about your work and that’s what makes you different from the rest.

It wasn’t long until you found yourself in the same coffee shop, at the same table, sitting across the same person, drinking the same dam coffee. You were in need of something stronger than coffee. Unfortunately, you hate alcohol as much as you hate rejection. Your hope of finding that dream job was slowly fading. Lusai was a smart boy, and so he did what most smart people would do if a friend was on the brink of depression and self-pity, he made a horrible joke.

“So, the other day I bought a bottle of still water.” He began.

With confused eyes you looked at him expectantly.

“I bought that bottle and threw the water down the drain.” He said as he took a sip of his drink.

“Why did you buy water just to throw it out again?” you asked a little annoyed.

“I wanted to set the water free” he was now staring at you, his face void of any emotion. A beat went by as you sat there, dumbfounded, only to burst out into a fit of laughter.

“There we go! There’s the Y/N I know” he said with a chuckle.

“I hate you, you know that right?” You said as you attempted to punch the speed devil.

He simply shook his head as silence once again took a hold of the atmosphere. You must be doing something wrong. Your studies included practical practice, yet you are seen as inexperienced. You got lost in your jumble of thoughts until Lusai cleared his throat across from you. You turned your attention back to him as his worried eyes made contact with yours.

“Y/N” he began with a shaky breath. “Maybe, just maybe you shouldn’t limit yourself to our country. I mean, you always wanted to travel. Maybe this is just a sign that you should search overseas.” He carefully added. Examining your face as he waited for your reply. Like most people out there, packing up and leaving everyone and everything you ever knew behind scared the living shit out of you. It has been one of your many dreams to see the world yes, but leaving completely without certainty of returning? That scared you.

“I- We’ll see” was all you could say. What more can a scared brave girl say when you had no right to show your weak side? Even though Lusai knew you, you never allowed him the opportunity to see you as a weak woman. And now was no exception.

His words definitely stuck with you. That very evening you began your wild search into the great unknown pages called the internet. You found hundreds of opportunities, but none of them struck your interest. Either it was just an office job (which was a big no, you needed to be out there and not locked up behind a creaking old desk signing papers) or they were just simple internships with little to no pay. None screamed your name, until you came across a rather unusual advertisement.

 Z private Investigators.

Needed: Forensic Scientist.

No skills needed nor any experience. We have enough staff to help with the basics.

Status of request: Urgent.

Contact Mr Kim if you are interested. 08**-9634-09**or Zinvertigators@crimelab.co

Well, this should be interesting. It was as if this advertisement was made just for you. You clicked on the link and that’s how you delved into this company’s history.

“It’s located in South Korea, some place called Busan at the moment. But its almost like a company on wheels. They move around a lot to different cities. At the moment there’s seven employees, all men. There were unfortunately no photos whatsoever.” You explained to Lusai over the phone as you sat crossed legged on your bed still scrolling through their homepage.

“Well? What are you waiting for? Apply Y/N. Working with seven men can’t be that bad. And you’ll get to travel! Maybe this is what you have been waiting for, the worst that can happen is receiving a no.” Lusai said

After hanging up you got started on your email:

Good day Mr Kim,

My name is Y/N. I have recently Graduated with my honour’s degree in Forensic science. I’m 20 years old. I know I am way to young, but I was home schooled. Attached is my resume.

I hope to hear from you soon

Kind regards,

Y/N

And just like that you found yourself a mere week later, on your way to the airport for a personal interview. Mr Kim had responded with the exact words: ‘For a 20-year-old your resume is sure impressive. You sound like a very intriguing girl, I can’t wait to meet you. We don’t believe in interviews over the phone. How soon can you fly out?’ Now here you are saying goodbye to your closest relatives on your way to the great unknown.

The flight was probably the scariest part of the whole ordeal. The shaking of the plane as turbulence took over for what seemed like an eternity, definitely made you thankful for every blessing you have received. The fact that you were alone on a man-made bird and the fact that you were sitting next to a creep, his hand kept ‘accidentally’ touch your left thigh, wasn’t helping. When the plane landed some 20 hours later you were more than happy to get the hell off the overgrown chunk of metal.

Walking out of the plane you saw a masked man standing near the window with your name scribbled on a paper. This guy was completely dressed in black. He had long, defined legs (in skinny jeans that did wonders for his thighs, if you were being completely honest), broad shoulders covered in a very loose fitted black hoodie, completed with a face mask and fishers hat hiding his hair completely. His eyes though, big brown ones, they were calculating.

As you walked over to this black ninja looking assassin you gave yourself the most needed pep talk.

“Just breathe, no one knows you other than Mr Kim. Fact they don’t even know what you look like. You are fine, just peachy. Oooh shit I’m getting closer. Shut it! you got this girl. Just bre-“

“H-Hi, I’m Y/N.” You said as you came face to face with this mystery man in black denim, and really good-looking thighs. You could see him smile under his mask. He nodded to you and turned around. Awkwardly you followed him to a big black SUV. Without a word he ushered you inside and off you went. The ride was silent as you stared out the window. You had no idea where you were going but soon the van left the city and entered a quieter scene of houses and apartments. Slowly your eyes got heavier as sleep overtook you. So many questions haunted your dreams, so many.

You woke with a small gasp as you felt someone’s hands on your thighs. Looking up you came face to face with, yet another, masked man in all black. This was someone else. Someone with soft yet dangerous eyes. This time, though, the unknown man removed his mysterious mask.

Time stopped as you came face to face with heaven. This man had brown almost almond coloured hair, his soft deep almost black orbs stared straight at you. He gave you a boxy grin as he saw you taking his god-like features in. His deep voice startled you as you got lost in those mysterious orbs for eyes.

“Hi Y/N, Welcome to Busan. My name is Kim Taehyung. Or Mr Kim, whichever you prefer. This is the place you will be staying, I do hope it’s to your liking. We’ll give you a day or two to adjust. I’ll let you know when your interview will be. I’m so sorry for leaving you alone like this but we have some business to attend to. Have a peaceful evening Y/N.” Taehyung said as he stood up. He helped you out of the van and before long you found yourself, yet again, alone.

That evening after packing away your stuff and making yourself at home with a bottle of wine and a Domino’s pizza, you couldn’t help but let your mind drift back to the almond haired man you met. Taehyung. Those eyes made your skin tingle, and not in an arousing way. There lurked a sense of danger behind them, a danger that perked your senses with curiosity.

As you sat on the couch your curiosity got the best of you. Seeing as you were too tired to take in your surroundings, you decided to do your own little research on the boss before you go for your interview. Pulling out your laptop you opened Naver and began your escapade into the life of Mr Kim.

“Huh? He… he doesn’t exist? How does someone not exist on the internet?” Even you can be found with a simple search of your name. Hell, your whole life’s history could be found through a simple search and a click or two. Interesting, interesting indeed.

That evening you went to bed with even more questions than answers.

 Oh, if only you knew what you were getting into…

Chapter 2

And there you have the first chapter... I hope you enjoyed it. Don’t be shy to ask if something is unclear... Love you <3 

Tag list: @gukptune @theweirdkidsontheblock @sugasheart @sugashaye @bulletproof-fanfics @carirosesg @crazy-fangirl-10 @waitingforanangel @deafeningstudentdreamergoth @slimou13 @autumnboo126 @chaechaebean217 @littlepinknightmare @sugasheart @kimmieann @nvghtlytae @part-time-patronus @ohmyspook69 @girlwith-thecinder-blockgarden @allayna24 @mikaelaaaaaaa713 @shyfox101 @djumbreon @bangtanwifey14 @honeydewseoks

If you want to be tagged in the next chapter, like this chapter !

p.s. Some names tumblr refuse to tag... I am so sorry, I did try

[counttotwenty]

Bullet Points: You Gotta Trust Me

Murder Most Foul-part 4 (parts 1-3 can be found here, here and here) Bullet points are encapsulated scene analysis from the top of each act to the bottom. (each act is bookended by a commercial break)

1. The Robin 2.0 storyline is a really well-drawn counterpoint to the current Captain Charming dynamic. David sees Killian as a “lying thieving pirate” because that what he needs him to be right now. Regina sees Robin 2.0 as a sweet soul who would regret killing Nottingham because that’s what she wants him to be.

The really interesting thing though is that each of them is projecting personality traits they feel they themselves lack onto the other person. David is choosing to see Killian as an immoral pirate capable of doing whatever is necessary to achieve a goal. He knows that he’s not that kind of person himself so he needs to find those traits externally. Whether or not Killian is still that person is irrelevant because the bottom line is David’s view isn’t about Killian. It’s about David.

Regina wants to see Robin 2.0 as a kind-hearted, well meaning person who would never kill in cold blood. She wants him to be above reproach and not willing to take shortcuts because those are the parts of her own personality that trouble her. Again, it isn’t about Robin. It’s about Regina.

BOING!!! BOING!!! BOING!!!!

So in addition to being about how we define ourselves this story is also about how we define others. And why. Which is in and of itself an even more fascinating question. And viewed through this lens the Dark Swan storyline takes on a whole new dimension.

2. “Trust me. Someday ... you would.”

I’m gonna give Regina the benefit of the doubt here (I know! It surprised me too) and say that she’s speaking from personal experience about regretting past actions.

However, regretting your past and changing is one thing (Killian) but regretting your past and continuing to make many of the same mistakes and follow many of the same patterns is a whole other thing.(Regina)

It’s why Killian’s redemption arc has been so much more complete than Regina’s. It’s the difference between truly wanting to let go of the past and wanting to hold on to giant chunks of it.

3. “I need you to promise that you’ll stop running away and trying to kill people.”

Seriously, Regina wants Robin 2.0 to be the original recipe so bad she’s starting to sound like one of those serial killer girlfriends who gets interviewed as the FBI is excavating her sweetie’s yard and claims he’s a gentle misunderstood soul and someone must have framed him by burying 18 bodies in his basement.

4. The moral of the story is that refusing to see people as who they really are, good or bad, is ultimately not productive for either party.

BOING!!!!!

5. There are two things that are perfectly clear from the opening frames of the Captain Charming scene. First and foremost, Emma looms large over everything that happens in this scene whether she’s present of not. There’s no doubt that her house is big but the way they frame it, and the camera angles they use, make it absolutely dwarf both Killian and David. It gives Emma a gigantic presence in the scene even before she arrives. 

The second thing is that Killian and David are not even close to being in sync. Not only do we hear it in their words but it’s more than evident in the blocking. David is out in front, moving hurriedly. Not stopping to think. Killian is trying to pull him back, slow him down. To no avail.

6. “Look if you’re too afraid forget about it.”

OK for a minute there I flashed back to every cheesey After School Special I saw as a kid.

David is obviously lashing out here. Everyone knows that. But it’s interesting that he’s lashing out in opposition to the one thing he always believed about his father--that Robert was weak. And in this moment he desperately wants to believe he isn’t the same. So he adopts a take no prisoners/leave no stone unturned bravado and when he feels it being challenged he lashes out at Killian as the one who is weak and scared.

I’ma give you some leeway here because I know you’re in a spiral David but bullying and taunting isn’t a good look on anyone.

7. Killian makes an effort to get through to David by asking if he’d really be willing to steal from his daughter but David is having none of it. He pivots the conversation right back to Killian and to the Hook-like personality traits he needs right now. Not really from Killian--but from himself.

It’s much easier for David to be the ‘screw the rules’ guy his plan requires if he pictures Captain Hook standing beside him as opposed to Killian Jones.

8. “C’mon buddy, it’s just me here.”

This was perhaps the lowest blow David took all episode. It implies that Killian is faking being a changed man in front of other people but that he can be himself in front of David.

Not cool.

9. In the moment after David asks for the key to the shed Killian has a decision to make

Killian, who has time and again proven to be one of the most self-aware characters on the show, as well as the one most truly committed to making changes and becoming a better man. Killian, who above all things wants to protect Emma and do what’s best for her.

In that moment he puts his own needs and goals (getting David’s blessing) aside and goes all in for Emma. Because keeping David from doing something colossally stupid is what she would want.

So he hands over the key.

Not happily but he does.

It’s a really powerful moment that shows he will always strive to place Emma’s needs above his own.

Beautiful.

10. “So, you finally grew a spine.”

The difference between Rumple and David/Regina is that in this moment he sees Robert for who he really is. He sees the changes. Whether or not they fit what he wants or needs to believe about the man doesn’t matter. 

11. It’s interesting that Robert, in both his conversation with Ruth and here with Rumple, talks about wanting to find James and apologize and set things right but not specifically about reuniting them as one big happy family.

Deep down he clearly understands that what he did isn’t something that can easily be reversed. It’s just something that needs to be faced.

The irony is that later in the ep no character would understand what Hook did and why he did it more so than Robert. But we’ll get to that when that scene arrives.

12. So Robert needs to go to the Land Built from Temptation to find James.

In other words--the man who is claiming to have changed needs to face a strong temptation to go back to his old ways--and resist it--in order to attempt to make amends for something he did in the past.

BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!

13. “Someday, may we all be reunited with our sons.”

I’d almost feel bad for Rumple in that moment if this scene didn’t do such a great job of highlighting the stark contrast between him and Robert.

Robert is willing to do anything and give up everything to reach his son. Rumple may want his son back just as badly but he’s not willing to relinquish his power to make it happen.

14. “Emma’s here. Hurry up.”

As code words go, that one was kinda weak. LOL

15. Fascinating that at no point do we get to see Emma framed against the entirety of the gigantic house in the way we saw David and Killian.

Pssst that’s because for the purposes of this scene the house represents Emma’s presence.

GREAT SHOT FRAMING!!

16. She came back for life jackets. The things that keep you afloat in an emergency situation.

Heh. I see you, show.

17. When Emma mentions her super power it does something VERY important. It guarantees that everything Killian says for the remainder of their scene together is the truth. Because it shows that she’s in the mood to call him on it if it isn’t.

18. “I’m a bit out of sorts.” “I thought you were gonna die.” He’s not shining her on or just trying to distract her. He’s confiding his deepest feelings to her. He’s showing her a part of his heart and soul. 

Really well done moment. 

When he sees David skulk out of the shed, pilfered loot in hand, he hangs his head and sighs audibly. He isn’t happy about what’s going on, he isn’t even willingly on board, but he’s going to go through with it for her. No matter where it leads.

19. “I didn’t want to let you in the shed without sharing them.”

Again, he’s telling the truth. And first and foremost, he’s proving that whatever he’s up to with David isn’t about David. It’s about his love for her.

This exchange is so subtly drawn it’s easy to overlook the powerful deeper meaning but in its own way this moment means more than the proposal ultimately will.

20. And then the moment is sealed by the swirling camera of love. It encapsulates just the two of them, framed against their home. 

As a couple they are solid. Tight as a drum. Whatever comes down the pike they’ll be able to handle it. They are a cohesive unit bound together by a deep and abiding love and respect for each other.

Sigh. 

And BOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

21. My only qualm with this scene--and it’s a teeny tiny nitpick--is how did Emma not notice David’s truck when she pulled up?

22. And just in case Killian’s moment of decision wasn’t clear enough, when he and David are headed back to the truck the blocking has completely changed. They’re walking side by side. Killian verbalizes that “it didn’t feel good” yet at the same time we see he’s made a decision to help David.

Well done!

Next up-Are You Sure We’re Doing This Right?

[ecotone99]

[HF] The secret identity of the Zodiac

On the 50th anniversary of the sensational Zodiac killing spree, a cold case detective from the San Francisco PD pulled out the dusty boxes of official records. They hadn’t been touched in years; and the killer himself was presumed dead or incapacitated by advanced age. There were as many suspects as there were theories but the last time anyone had worked the case was in the early 1990’s. Since then, DNA genotyping has exploded and forensic science had advanced in leaps and bounds. Amazingly, the original envelopes and morbid correspondence sent from the killer to various media outlets were still there, turning yellow in the evidence boxes.

With millions of people participating in ancestry tracing programs, there is a huge DNA database of family links. Of course those are conducted through ‘private’ organizations but hundreds of cold cases are solved each year with their cooperation and discreet assistance. Detective Tim Rand got into law enforcement with the goal of helping people. He also enjoyed challenges and solving mysteries. The Zodiac case was one of the most infamous, unsolved crimes in the world. He figured he would take a crack at it himself. With modern science, he hoped to see if it could be used to do what thousands of hours of old-fashioned detective work, could not.

Of course countless people had been in contact with the evidence over the years. From postal sorters, mail carriers, mailroom staff at the newspapers, the secretaries for the editors, and more than a dozen lab techs and detectives, the chances of having uncontaminated DNA was unlikely. Honestly, it was pretty slim but it was worth a try. If it failed, he’d just chunk the papers back in their boxes and put them on the shelf for the next eager sleuth to crack the case.

The lab attendant rolled his eyes in frustrated annoyance when the detective explained what tests he wanted performed. The technician knew all-too-well how many random sets of unrelated DNA would be found on that pile of evidence. Tim had a clever solution to the issue.

“Cross reference all samples found on all the letters. The Zodiac send his cyphers and correspondence to several different media outlets and individuals. He enjoyed taunting the editors of different newspapers and the detectives assigned to the case when it was an active investigation. The only DNA thread they should all have in common, is him.”

As incredible as it might’ve seemed, there was only one set of common DNA for all samples! It was just like he had predicted. Detective Rand had stumbled onto the first major break in the case in nearly 30 years. The forensic team were honestly impressed with the heightened potential for linking the evidence to the unknown killer. They recorded the DNA sequence and approached their contacts within the ancestry database for an official ‘rush job’.

Even with amazing lucky breaks, they were still highly guarded with their enthusiasm for a match to be made. It therefore came as a great shock when a direct match was made in only a couple days. Greater still was the impact of learning the identity of the DNA match for all 14 known pieces of authenticated Zodiac evidence. No one was ready for the truth and the push back by the authorities was considerable.

The profile was a 99% match to the chief of police of San Francisco at the time of the crimes! At first the laboratory dismissed the shocking revelation as accidental evidence contamination. That explanation would’ve made sense but it was eventually disproven. The chief had stated formally in his memoirs that he always left the investigative work to his detective team. He even went so far as to declare that he never meddled in any of their open cases. If so, there wouldn’t be any logical reason for his DNA to be on every single piece of Zodiac evidence.

Internal affairs stepped in when they caught wind of the mounting evidence. The ‘boys in blue’ were known to protect their own, especially the higher up officials who retired, or had passed away. There was an unspoken protocol that their law enforcement legacies were cemented in stone and beyond reproach. Damning evidence like the former chief’s DNA being directly linked to the Zodiac was hard to ignore and even harder to suppress.

Detective Rand just wanted the truth to come out but a revelation like that would surely cause backlash and heads to roll. The chief himself had died a dozen years earlier but many of his contemporaries were still around. A few younger officers who worked under him were still on the force. They were going to chafe at the accusations against their former boss.

By all accounts, he was a well liked and respected senior officer. It was going to be a tough sell to convince the public, even though it was the truth. Tim had to find corroborating evidence to tie him to the disturbing series of crimes. Without that, he’d be dismissed as a reckless rookie with penchant for throwing veteran officers under the bus. That’s what they would say. That he did it just to make a ‘name’ for himself.

The biggest question of all was ‘why’? Why would an officer that swore to ‘protect and serve’, lead a secret life as a serial killer? It made no sense. The man spent almost 40 years in law enforcement. At times Tim wanted to chalk it up to a crazy coincidence but some of the evidence they tested hadn’t even been available to the San Francisco PD during the active investigation phase. A few of the letters from the Zodiac were sent to neighboring police departments and had only been released to him the previous week for the testing. His highly unusual suspect had never legally been in contact with them, yet his DNA was on all.

As is often the case with big city government organizations, they had yet to completely digitize their old records. Detective Rand filtered through mountains of dusty records for the chief’s sign-in sheets for the time periods in question. While they couldn’t prove or disprove his guilt, it would shed light on whether he was officially ‘on duty’ during the known crimes. Secretly, Tim hoped the Chief was signed in during some of them to disprove the allegations but in every single instance, he was officially out-of-the-office. He hoped he was wrong but It looked very bad.

The fact that the Chief fit the general appearance of eyewitness accounts of the Zodiac was another troubling element that couldn’t be dismissed. Research into the Chief’s past also revealed he was a Korean War veteran. As a Navy signal man, he would have been well acquainted with code symbols and cryptology similar to the cyphers the Zodiac sent.

All of those things added up to compelling circumstantial evidence but it wouldn’t be an open and shut case without the DNA association. That made things difficult to deny. Tim spoke to a number of old timers from the department about their memories of the investigation but he was careful to avoid implicating their former Chief. Most just offered a general commentary about the shocking crimes but one of them mentioned the Chief personally. It proved to be a very revealing interview.

Interesting, the retired lieutenant thought the Chief’s reaction to one of the gruesome crimes was ‘odd’. He said he had an odd grin on his face when informed about the taxi driver’s murder the night before. The lieutenant assumed the Chief was simply amused by an earlier event, but felt it was strange that he continued to smile, long after informed about the murder. At no point did the pleasant gentleman suspect the former police chief of any wrongdoing. He just shared the strange anecdote from 50 years earlier because it stuck him as a strange reaction.

Only detective Rand would’ve been able to use that offhand testimony, in an official capacity. Tim thanked him for his time and made plans to interview the most important person yet in his undercover investigation. The Chief’s widow resided in the suburbs and was reportedly still ‘sharp’. Tim put a great deal of thought and planning into his ‘game plan’. He wanted to ask important questions without clueing her in to the delicate and very personal subject of his investigation. It was going to be a balancing act.

He called in advance to make an appointment to speak with her. He explained he’d inherited several cold cases and merely wanted to ask her recollections on them. It was all presented as a casual chat. She invited him to come by at noon. Tim felt she was probably very eager to have company in her advanced age. He arrived a couple minutes early and rang the doorbell. She opened the door and invited him in. Seated on the sofa across from her, she surprised him when her demeanor immediately changed.

“Young man, why don’t you come clean for your reason to visit me? I’ve been the wife of a lawman too long to fall for ‘the casual chat’ ruse. My husband practically invented that interrogation technique.”

Tim started to feign ignorance or protest but stopped himself. She saw through the facade. It was clear to both of them that he had some uncomfortable, indiscreet questions to ask, and she wanted him to just cut to the chase. Her ‘no nonsense’ attitude was both admirable and intimidating. He had spent so much time working on a strategy that he was unprepared to dive right in.

“You came to ask me something about my husband. Something so disturbing that you are avoiding the subject entirely. I can see it in your eyes. Are you sure you want to know the answer? Once you discover the backbone to ask, I’m going to tell you. The question is, what will the truth do? Will it bring you fame? Will it solve a series of nearly forgotten crimes where even the victim’s families are probably long dead? Will it besmirch and tarnish my dead husband’s memory and celebrated police career? Yes. The answers to all those things, is yes.”

Detective Rand was at a loss for words. The Chief’s widow had all but confirmed what he already knew. Up until that moment he had hoped for an unlikely but plausible explanation for the damning evidence against the man. Instead, she sewed up the case in a tight little package for him. The information came so freely that he was unprepared to handle it.

“Down in the cellar there is a large cardboard box marked ‘decorations’. It contains a black hood, a pistol, several pieces of stained material, a number of library books on code writing and cryptology, and a personal diary. If the handwriting and substance of that journal were analyzed by experts, they would find that it is consistent with the letters you have in your possession from the Zodiac killer. They would also agree that it perfectly matches the handwriting of my late husband.”

Tim sat there speechless. He stared into her eyes while trying to absorb the incredible revelation she had just disclosed to him. For the briefest of moments he worried she had unveiled the dark truth because she didn’t intend to let him leave, alive.

“I didn’t always know. I suspected. I really did, but like most people I was in a deep form of denial about it. He went through strange mood swings. He was obsessed with the case in a way that surpassed any officer’s level of professional commitment. His behavior was highly bizarre and erratic at times, but then again he was obviously affected by the war. It changed him. I couldn’t bring myself to consciously suspect he was ‘The Zodiac’, but deep down I suppose I always knew.

When I found his secret box down there, I was devastated because I could no longer deny it anymore. I couldn’t begin to answer why he did any of it but his journal probably spells it out pretty well. I couldn’t bear to read beyond the first couple pages. I just put it back in the box and pretended it wasn’t there. It was his dark little secret and I wanted no part of it. We never spoke about it. I was secretly terrified of the man I slept beside until the day he died.”

Detective Rand stood up. He had a lot to process. She looked up at him with a steely glint.

“Young man, what do you plan to do with this information? I’m a feeble old woman with terminal cancer. I can’t take a media circus or the public shaming of the news media. At best, the doctor’s say I only have a few months left. I am grateful to unburden myself about this to you. I guess you are my official confessor. Will you sit on this ugly secret about my husband until I pass? What’s a couple more months? Revealing the truth now won’t bring back any of those poor souls. I’d just like to go to my grave without being dragged through the mud.”

Tim nodded. The confirmed identity of the Zodiac killer was now his burden the bear. He could keep the lab technicians and internal affairs quiet until it was the right time to reveal the truth. In the meantime he had plenty of other cases to work.

submitted by /u/OpinionatedIMO [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2zJNpt2

[skincare-us-blog]

The Tom Ford Cleanse

New Post has been published on http://skincareee.com/the-tom-ford-cleanse/

The Tom Ford Cleanse

A variety of things come to mind when I think of Tom Ford. A heady over pour of virility. A languid transatlantic (???) drawl. An almost lifelike brow. And that’s just appearance. By now, his dogmatic convictions are almost as sentient as he is. He’s condemned everything from wearing shorts in the city, and his son’s “tacky” dinosaur shoes, to chewing gum in public. He is as deft as he is fastidious, and it seems every photo I see of him has him sprawled out, spread eagle, and on a chaise lounge.

I’ve always found this network of information compelling because, typically, unrelatability has a direct correlation with appeal. It’s universal. This curiosity is the basis of why Shark Week, serial killers, and the concept of childbirth are all enthralling while Ryan Reynolds, pants with an elastic waistband, and marketing emails that address me by my first name bore me to death. This intense curiosity drove me to gain insight into his lifestyle, because who wouldn’t want to live like Mr. Ford?

I started with the most accessible window to his soul: his diet and daily regimens. For structure, I looked to another ITG cleanse centered around folding a successful person’s habits into yours—The Oprah Cleanse. After reading every interview with him the internet had to offer, I ended up with a week-long crash course. I present to you the Tom Ford cleanse.

The general parameters:

–Punctuate a very healthy diet with junk “I try to stick to a diet of fish and vegetables, but my one remaining vice is cheap candy and baked goods… Hostess Donettes are my weakness.”

–Cold beverages only “I don’t like warm drinks of any kind.”

–Only consume scentless foods “I don’t eat onions or garlic. Ever. Fresh breath is important.”

–Take baths instead of showers “Yes, I still take my baths all day long. They’re meditative.”

–Only use Tom Ford Beauty products “Naturally, I use my own beauty products.”

–Look your best in order to be your best “Put on the best version of yourself when you go out in the world because that is a show of respect to the other people around you.”

DAY ONE The folklore surrounding Tom Ford purportedly taking five baths a day has been around since, well, Tom Ford. While the exact number of baths he currently takes is unknown, I make it my goal to take at least two baths a day (but bonus points for more!).

6:30 AM Tom Ford said in Harper’s Bazaar that his day starts at 4:30 a.m. I set my alarm for this time and, after snoozing my alarm for two hours, give up on waking up that early for the remainder of the week. I begin drawing my first bath.

I make a giant iced coffee and lower myself into the water where I sit in cannonball position until the water reaches my chest. The feeling is as unfamiliar as it is initially unpleasant. I briefly wonder if I will get heatstroke.

8:00 AM I drain the tub, brush my teeth, shave, and draw my second bath. This time with soap. I am running late for work because I have taken more baths this morning than I have in the past decade. I bolt to work.

9:20 AM For breakfast, I have a scoop of bran cereal, half a banana, and several slices of pineapple. An archetypally Tom Ford breakfast. I almost never eat breakfast because I am always nauseous for the first several hours after waking, but I enjoy taking the time to collate the ingredients into a bowl and pick at it while I begin work.

9:45 AM Second breakfast: two Hostess Donettes. In case you haven’t had one of these recently because you don’t grocery shop at gas stations—they are soft, delicious, and taste nothing like doughnuts. Here, the word “donettes” is used to indicate that they are not real doughnuts in that way that the words “cheez,” “froot,” and “Cap’n” are used to distinguish between real cheese, fruits, and Captains.

I get powdered sugar all over my slacks.

12:00 PM Lunch is catered at my office today, so I stand in the lunch line and sniff each platter looking for entrees that don’t have onions or garlic. I end up with a scoop of dilly orzo, potato nubs, three balls of mozzarella, and several florets of raw broccoli.

6:50 PM I prepare for a bath the second I get home. This time, I shower beforehand. Cheating, I know, but I am unable to mentally surmount the idea of atmospheric grime seasoning tonight’s bath.

9 PM I drink a banana, peanut butter, and almond milk smoothie with a bendy straw for dinner.

Total bath count: 3

DAY TWO

9:15 AM Breakfast: a half-banana smile with two Donette eyes. I fashion a nose out of a pineapple chunk.

12:20 AM I order an expensive vegetarian burger for lunch. I throw out the onions and eat in complete silence at my desk. I chase it with a shard of dark chocolate.

6:30 PM Tom Ford’s sixth grooming commandment, according to GQ, is “get a pedicure.” I’ve put this off for years as I am a germophobe, and am truly terrified by the idea of fungal infections. A friend recommends the ITG-approved JinSoon Natural Hand & Foot Spa’s Tribeca outpost, so I heed his advice and go after work. After checking in with the receptionist, I am offered a glass of prosecco, which I politely decline. (Tom Ford told Esquire that “becoming teetotal completely altered [his] life.”) I might as well give it a shot this week.

The experience is blissful start to finish. It involves me alternating my hobbit legs in and out of warm water dyed blue, droppers filled with fragrant tinctures, delicate trimming, and fervent sanding. I’ve been missing out! At some point, I have an out of body experience. I see myself, posturing like Jonathan Rhys Meyers as King Henry VIII in Showtime’s Golden Globes-nominated drama, The Tudors—shirt unbuttoned to my navel—without even a hint of irony! I lean into this tableau, and when the technician offers me my choice of essential oils, I pick lavender.

9:15 PM For dinner, I eat poached arctic char with peppers, plums, and eggplant.

11:00 PM I graze my feet against each other until I drift off into a full night of uninterrupted sleep.

Total bath count: 5

DAY THREE

8:30 AM On my way to work, I exchange several messages with Emily Ferber, and we talk shop about Tom Ford Beauty.

An excerpt: Emily Ferber: I have a skin illuminator that I don’t use but can’t get rid of The dry body oil— I use it in my hair. Or Gotham: Is there an actual difference between the body oil and the dry oil? EF: The dry oil is a spray. OG: Oh, like Pam!!! EF: Lol like Pam. I hope I get a cameo in your piece. OG: I’ve already taken several screenshots.

10:00 AM I pull my bare feet out of my loafers and interrupt my coworkers’ productivity to show them how pristine my feet are. They all coo at my wiggling toes as I do slow motion fan kicks in my desk chair.

12:30 PM I plate several pieces of salmon sushi and get up to take a lap around the office. My coworkers question this behavior.

“For lunch, Tom Ford sometimes wanders around his office eating salmon sashimi off of a plate,” I explain to them, slinking off into the office’s atrium.

I don’t catch their reactions, but I assume they react to this statement with unbridled understanding and acceptance.

7:00 PM I decide to try out Tom Ford’s Intensive Purifying Mud Mask. I wash my face with the Purifying Facial Cleanser which leaves my face feeling very clean. I then spackle on a thick layer of the mud. Its light citrus scent is pleasant. I smile, like the Babadook, at the mirror and sink into the tub. It is now Friday night, so for the first time this week I enjoy my bath with all the urgency of a glacier. I play Abel Korzeniowski’s score for A Single Man. A lit candle sits irresponsibly on the edge of the tub, filling the room with Neroli Portofino. I feel dour and cinematic in my nakedness—quintessentially Tom Ford. I soak long enough to let the water get cold and wash the mask off.

Spoiler alert: my skin looks very clear the next morning.

Total bath count: 7

DAY FOUR

10 AM I sleep in because it’s Saturday. For breakfast, I have a sugared doughnut and two iced coffees. I spend thirty minutes doing calisthenics half-heartedly, start the crossword, and take a three-hour nap.

1:30 PM I eat four pineapple spears and get indigestion.

6:00 PM I begin preening before a friend’s birthday party in the East Village. Tom Ford directs us to use “cold packets” to get rid of eye puffiness. I have no idea what a cold packet is, so I rub two ice cubes around my eyes instead. I brush my eyebrows with Tom Ford for Men Gelcomb. Using a magnifying mirror and Tom Ford for Men Concealer in Medium, I begin covering my imperfections. I swipe it over my dark undereye circles, a broken capillary I obtained by abusing Bioré strips last winter, my eyelids, and the sizable area of pores flanking my nose. Checking my work in my bathroom’s catastrophically unflattering light, I realize I have screwed the pooch. The color is entirely too pale and very full coverage. I look casket-ready. I, however, was supposed to be there an hour ago, so I spray Neroli Portofino “everywhere” (Ford’s mandate!) and leave the house as is.

On the subway, I pray that people assume I am a RealDoll, rather than a highly-perfumed corpse.

7:30 PM Luckily, the bar is dark, so no one comments on my appearance.

Total bath count: 10

DAY FIVE

11 AM The sheer number of baths I’ve taken this week has dried my skin out considerably, so I counteract this by squirting several streams of Neroli Portofino Body Oil directly into my bath water. I immerse myself into the very expensive scented water and try out every repose depicted in The Land of Cockaigne by Bruegel. Immediately, I feel like a 1990s mogul.

Scented baths are one of the several commodities (along with limousines, the sweater department at Barney’s, two-day shipping, and mint Milanos) that were once regarded as luxuries and have lost their clout over time. In the December 2008 issue of Details magazine, Tom Ford says “time and silence are the most luxurious things today.” His statement holds up. It becomes clear that the multi-bath ritual was never about compulsive cleansing but rather about the accommodation of those two indulgences.

My bathtub remains dangerously slippery for the next day and a half.

1 PM For lunch, I eat two poached eggs over a frisée salad in the West Village. The waiter comments on my fragrance neutrally, which I attribute directly to the fact that I am wearing too much.

“Tom Ford?” he not so much asks as broadcasts, sniffing the ether above me.

I nod uselessly and vacate the premises.

10 PM I forget to eat dinner entirely and put on Nocturnal Animals before bed.

Total bath count: 12

DAY SIX

8 AM I skip breakfast and get an iced coffee on the way to work.

6 PM I get an email that the Fruit of the Loom undershirt I had tailored to make my arms look more attractive is ready for pick up. The sleeves were hemmed just above my triceps to mirror Tom Ford’s “off-duty” uniform.

There is a strong correlation between successful people and people who get their clothes custom-fit. It’s the kind of permanent adjustment that balks in the face of 30-day return policies. One of the reasons successful people look, well, successful is that their clothes fit them exactly. There’s no cuffing, or bunching, or billowing. Simply going to a tailor is a status symbol within itself because it says “I can spend $20 getting this $3.58 undershirt professionally altered.”

7 PM I change into it the second I get home and study myself in a full-length mirror. Any improvements to my appearance are imperceptibly mild. (My arms, however, are unremarkable to begin with so I write it off as user error.)

7:15 PM I keep my bespoke Fruit of the Loom shirt on and plaster the mud mask on my face.

8 PM Dinner is grilled branzino with radish and parsley.

Total bath count: 15

DAY SEVEN

9:10 AM I arrive at the office, sweating profusely because I am wearing a turtleneck. I head to the restroom and give myself another spray of cologne in case I smell like a damp ox.

11 AM For lunch, I eat sushi. I’m exhausted by the amount of fish I’ve consumed in the last week. I’m sure Tom Ford doesn’t face this problem (because he doesn’t get sushi from the cafeteria-style “premium” lunch hubs that pop up around New York City like gophers) but I’ve had a low-grade stomachache all week.

7 PM When asked about his last meal, Tom Ford said it would be salmon with “Hostess Donettes around the outside of the plate.” (It is in this same interview that he says Hostess sends him a box of their confections every time he mentions them to the press, his eyes gleaming behind his Snuffaluffagus lashes.) I decide to have this as my last meal of my cleanse. Rather than cook the salmon myself, I order it on GrubHub. It arrives an hour later. I plate it and encircle it with Donettes before squeezing lemon onto the ingot of salmon. Its appearance is grandiose and frightening like a TOILETPAPER magazine spread. I eat all of the salmon and six of the doughnuts.

10:30 PM I take my last bath and my stomach is lurching.

Total bath count: 16

11 PM I have an early meeting tomorrow morning, so, I end my week like Ford (who relies “completely…on sleeping pills and tranquilizers”) and pop two OTC non-habit-forming sleeping aids.

In an interview with CNBC, he’s described himself and, through transitive property, the Tom Ford Man as international, multilingual, well traveled, and possessing disposable income. This week, I didn’t even remotely get closer to obtaining any of those traits. I did, however, gain a deep sense of respect for his obsessive level of discipline, even without wearing his trademark suit. But, the way I see it, if I’m not a Tom Ford Man now, I was never one to begin with—or at least that’s the story I’m sticking to.

—Or Gotham

Photographed by the author.

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