#i want their fucked up messy and weird relationship distilled crystallized and crushed into a fine powder

[invinciblerodent]

fuck it, I am talking about the woman i made up anyway!!!!!!!!

I like to think that Iona was originally a bit surprised to find that she actually kind of loves the times Astarion gets snappy/selfish/possessive/stubborn/standoffish/etc. Because, well, in a relationship, she's used to a blank disengagement and empty pleasantries for one, but also because him feeling so loudly and the posturing gradually falling away is just so bloody refreshing to her.

like yes, objectively it can be a bit annoying, and it's not the same kind of enjoyment as the kind she gets from the all the happy/cuddly/sappy affection, but she still can't help but feel a kind of satisfaction deep in her stomach when he gets acerbic or bristly or jealous or bitter, because she sees it as it is: evidence of the fact that he's let his masks fall, and actually lets himself feel his feelings with her.

like, full disclosure, I'm not sure if one can actually love this particular man without being able to take him not at face value, but to see through the times he shows an ugly face (in-game as well as just in-fiction), and kind of intrinsically understanding what he means by it.

like I see the ugly sides of him get overlooked or erased quite a lot, but I think those are the most fascinating thing about him: that he's not going to turn into a happy, smushy, doting gentleman of a perfect lover the moment he enters a healthy(-adjacent) relationship. Healing is a very lengthy, messy, sometimes very difficult process, and with all else that's there, he also definitely has a bit of a problem with pushing people away, testing-stretching the limits, and pushing and prodding and poking at any soft underbelly he is shown. That's, imo, a pretty straightforward interpretation of many lines, even early on, and it interacts with his insecurity and vulnerability in a very particular way that kind of... sets him up for self-sabotage beautifully.

I like the thought of Iona -with her preternaturally keen insight- seeing even searing, deliberately hurtful barbs as the nips of a puppy testing his milk teeth, and I definitely really like the thought of her being genuinely surprised that he can, in fact, hurt her feelings- but only when he attempts to leverage her actual, genuine affections, and they actually, genuinely work to a degree (like the tiefling party "I love you" in act one, and the early act 3 manipulations).

This is why I love the idea of them first joining minds via the tadpole after his personal quest had been resolved, because then it's that mutual understanding that sort of turns on the metaphorical light, and they can stop stumbling around in the metaphorical darkness!! and then he's showing her his naked reactions as they bubble to the surface, and she LOVES it because it shows that he's no longer scared that she'll slip through his fingers!!! but that he trusts that she'll know, and understand, and stay!!!!!

they're not even just both fucked up enough to warrant being quarantined together in a relationship, it's also the "it's rotten work-not to me" quote from Orestes, only it's her enabling neediness and brattiness and selfishness completely shamelessly while bloody reveling in being loved and trusted and wanted so nakedly, and I'm scratching at the walls over them

this fucking guy can officially join Dorian of House Pavus in the lineup of fellows I'll randomly think about ten years from now, and take 2d6 psychic damage from the sheer intensity with which the affection returns.