#i wanna try going back into writing but my brain is too scattered rn. i mostly just want to make random doodles

[blabberoo]

I wanna draw more 😔

[tbd99]

entry: 12

I dunno want I wanna write, all I know is that I don't feel good. I feel like I wanna do something with my life, but Idk what to do. I get struck with this burning passion in my heart, only for it to go away a day or two later. I dunno what's wrong with me. Sometimes I feel like my life is worth living, that maybe one day I'll be capable of something good, and then another day, I'm back wondering why I'm even here. I'm not good at anything, I don't even know why I try and pursue those little stupid ideas I get. I haven't talked about those bottles of pills in a while but I've sure been thinking about them. Maybe I don't have the balls to do it because I haven't set out a plan. I have so much stuff to hide before I die. I don't want my mother finding the books where I talk about my feelings or the blades on the nightstand or the key to that box under my poster. Maybe I just need to start the preparations. I'm not sure what that'll be. I owe an explanation to one of my friends though. Maybe to my sisters. I don't really think anyone'll care. I started ghosting my friends more. I'm not very pleasant to be around right now. I think my mother is getting annoyed with me rn too. I don't do anything, I get why she'd be annoyed. I learned how to make some sandwiches so I guess she won't have to make food for me anymore. My eye backs have gotten so much worse and I cant even put on a happy act anymore. My mother put on the whiteboard, "Know you are loved!!" and its really sweet but I couldn't even smile at it. I know she cares, she's not a bad mother. Im just not helpable. Therapy didn't work anyway. I wish I was happier for other people's sake, like my mother. I just feel bad she didn't get a good kid like one of my cousins or something. My mother talks to herself a lot because she says she has no one and that I hardly talk. I feel bad about that. I wish I could keep up.

I always wondered if like my mother or father would try to kill themselves if I did. I don't think they would but that's kinda the only thing stopping me. I just want this teenage sadness to stop. Everyone talks about how they were so edgy as a teenager but it stopped when they were an adult. I'm just waiting for my brain to stop being this way. I just wish I wasn't this way. I don't even understand half of the things I write. My brain is so scattered all the time but yet there's nothing in there at the same time. My vision is grey and burly full of noise. I wish I could see the world for what it really is once in a while. I turn 15 soon. Two months from now. I wonder if I should leave before I turn 15. I don't want to celebrate my birthday and act happy. Anyway, it's 11:28am and I haven't had a good night's sleep in ages. I only slept 4 hours. Maybe I'll go lie down again. Goodbye.

[piratewithvigor]

Stars

Chapter 1: 1971

Kane's steadiest relationship through his life was always to the stars

(This fic is 4 chapters, inspired by this fic by @old-no7, approximately 5000 words and written in a 24-hour binge. It'll eventually also be posted to AO3, but I'm sleepy rn, so not right now)

He’d been waiting for that night for two weeks. Marking the days off on a little scrap of paper his brother had written up for him. 14 little boxes to put an X through when he woke up every morning. His brother had been forbidden from partaking in their little ritual until after he finished writing his chemistry test and Kane knew better to stay outside alone. So he waited and he helped his brother study. In later years, when they recollected those weeks, his brother would admit that if anything, even less studying had been done when Kane was insisting to help. He tried to quiz his brother on vocabulary, which might have been helpful if Kane could read the terms or the definitions. Or knew what exactly chemistry was. But his brother appreciated the effort.

Kane had spent almost the entire day of the test in the window of the parlor, kneeling on the itchy red couch. It was a nice enough couch when they had funerals happening, since those were the days Kane had to wear long pants, but the rest of the time, when he was in shorts, the fabric itched his legs, so he didn’t like the couch much. But he put up with it that day. Mother wouldn’t let him move any of the furniture or sit on the windowsill, so he put up with the itch.

Mother said his brother would return when the old grandfather clock rang exactly four times. Kane considered himself a good counter. He could make it as far as twenty without any help, since that was how many fingers and toes he had, but he had trouble remembering what came after. It didn’t matter that day anyway. The grandfather clock never rang more than twelve times (that was all fingers and two toes) and was on eight rings by the time Kane was woken up and told to get ready for the day.

Making sure he counted each and every ring was hard work. By the time he’d counted four and not a single one more, he was almost too sleepy to figure out right away that it meant his brother would be walking up the lane any second. The only way he did figure it out was by seeing the long black coat of his brother blowing gently through the wind at the bottom of the hill. He was off the itchy red couch and out the front door before he even had time to yell to his mother where he was going.

His brother was far more focused on keeping his hat from blowing away in the wind to see Kane coming at him like a bat out of hell. He only just grabbed onto it as Kane captured him in a tight hug around his middle.

“You wrote your test today, right? So tonight we can sleep outside?” Kane asked, already knowing the answers, but just wanting finalised confirmation. His brother blew some curly red strands out of his eyes.

“Yes, Kane, I did do well on my test. Thank you for asking so politely,” he chuckled as he squirmed out of the hug. Kane huffed his annoyance quietly.

“Sorry. We’re still sleeping outside tonight, right?”

“We can head out as soon as we trade my bookbag for the tent inside.”

The next couple minutes were a battle of the brothers as Kane tried to drag his brother up the hill to the house as fast as possible and his brother trying to hold Kane back, just to wind him up for his own amusement. Eventually, even his brother couldn’t hide his excitement for the evening anymore.

It was the first year where their father was letting them go out by themselves. They’d each gotten training to defend themselves against some of the more common beasts of the Valley. Kane was trusted with a hunting knife after proving himself capable enough of getting a good shot in while also understanding the dangers the knife could possess. His brother, being older, had already been taken hunting twice. He didn’t like killing things, but their father was confident that if push came to shove, he could bring himself to kill pretty much anything in the name of keeping Kane safe.

After kissing their mother goodbye for the evening and receiving a final quick quiz on what to do and what not to do when faced with danger from their father, each boy picked up their packs and started on the trail into the woods. Kane had both the food and his sleeping bag slung over his shoulders, and if it had been any other night, he would have probably begun complaining from the weight. Sandwiches had never seemed so heavy before, or maybe his brother was just taking them to a place really far away. They did most of their exploring together, but Kane knew there were some places he’d never been before. Either because they were too far away for his little legs to walk to or because they involved crossing the river and his brother hadn’t been quite tall enough to lift Kane over the water yet. Wet feet was one of their first warnings: if they couldn’t cross the river with dry feet when safe, they wouldn’t be able to make it across if they ever faced danger.

“Are we going to the river?” Kane eventually piped up, hoping to disguise the ache in his shoulders and his feet.

“What?”

“The river. Are we crossing it?”

“Maybe when you’re bigger. Not today.”

“Then where are we going?”

“Somewhere special.”

“How special?”

“Kane, do you ever stop talking?”

By the time they stopped bickering, Kane realized they hadn’t been walking for likely a minute or more. They were in a small clearing of grass and a few rocks scattered around. Surrounded by trees on all sides, but there was still a patch of sky overhead.

“Do you know how to set up the tent by yourself?” His brother asked, shaking Kane from his admirings of their location.

“No, but I can put together the poles,” he offered. He was good at poles. Just wasn’t tall enough to put up the tent with them, but he’d never say so out loud.

“Do that. I want to gather some firewood while it’s still light out. Have your knife on you?” Kane pulled out the hunting knife from the leather case their mother had made and showed it off proudly. “Good. Don’t lose it. I’m not going far, but just in case-”

“Can’t I come with you? I wanna get some firewood too.”

“What for?”

“So I can have my own fire.”

“You can light the big one. We need the tent up before it gets dark. It’ll be faster if we each do one chore.”

Kane nodded and tried his best not to pout. He’d wanted his own fire to play with, but if his brother was letting him set the big one, that would be okay too. Besides, putting up the tent was an important job. Being trusted to assemble the poles properly was more than he usually did on these trips. But with only two of them going, there’d be lots more work for each of them. As his brother set out to find the firewood, Kane decided that not only would he assemble the poles, he’d even find the right place for each of them to slide into the tent fabric. Then all that would have to be done was push it up and stake it down. Easy-peasy.

He was sliding in the last pole when he heard the tell-tale dropping of firewood behind him and jumped up.

“Tent’s ready to be put up,” he explained proudly. His brother lifted an eyebrow uncertainly.

“You sure you’ve got them in the right spots?”

“Yup!”

“Positive?”

“Yes!”

“And if we try to put it up and they’re not?”

“They will be!”

To Kane’s credit, they were, surprisingly, all absolutely correct. The tent went up in no time at all. With an overexcited use of matches and dry wood, the fire was almost faster. By the time the sun was down over the Valley and the night air quietly screeched with the calls of bugs and other assorted beasts, both boys were picking at their ham sandwiches and lying back in the grass to look upwards.

“Tell me a story,” Kane quietly requested, as if he didn’t want to disturb the world around them.

“A story?”

“Yeah, like Father does every year. About the stars.”

“You mean the constellations?” He chuckled a little and pushed some hair out of his face. “Kane, my brain’s so full of chemistry right now, I hardly remembered the way here.”

“C’mon!” It was tradition. A story by the fireside. He wasn’t letting his brother get off that easy with such a lame excuse.

“Okay, okay, I’ll come up with something.” He went quiet for a few moments before lifting one of his arms to the heavens. “You see that star there?”

“Which one?”

“The big one.”

“They’re all big. Father says they’re as big as the sun.”

“Okay, the one that looks bigger because it's the closest.”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“That one’s me.”

“How come you get to be a star?”

“You’re a star too, Kane. See the reddish-looking one?”

“Right beside the big one?”

“Exactly. Stars are born and they die all the time.”

“Just like people.”

“Right, just like people. When we die, those stars are going to disappear.”

“Are they brothers too?”

“Of course. Stars can be brothers just like people.”

“Do they get along?”

“Most of the time. Sometimes they fight and they don’t look like they’re as close together, but they always make up. Always.”

[maggielindemanns]

all mixed up - an elu social media au

summary: it’s simple really - eliott meets a guy at the bar, that guy gives him a fake number, and that fake number just so happens to belong to lucas. the rest is history.

[NINETEEN PART TWO]

[note: i’m putting my note here at the top this time but here is nineteen part two aka how the date went! i’m like . Scared to put my writing up but you know what, fear is my enemy and i’m posting to spite her so ! here is 3k words of elu date in the amu-verse i love you guys giving you all smooches on your foreheads <3 was gonna post this yesterday but i was attacked by the river i went tubing at so here she is rn instead <3]

    Thoughts of nerves and excitement were crashing into each other and around the walls of Eliott’s head space at a million miles a second as he made his way to Lucas’ dorm. His heart didn’t even feel like it was beating at this rate, more like slamming against his rib cage and rattling up the butterflies existing in his stomach. He made sure to send Lucas a warning text once he was down the hall — “countdown from 30 & i’ll be there”. Lucas, 'ever the charmer having such a way with words, simply loved the text in lieu of an actual response.

Once in front of Lucas’ door, he took a deep breath before knocking gently, stepping back after to await an answer. Every second felt like forever to him, especially when he could hear Lucas shuffling around on the other side of the door. He just couldn’t wait to do this, he couldn’t wait to actually have Lucas to himself for real.

Lucas opening the door suddenly pulled Eliott from his thoughts, overwriting the mess in his head with thoughts of Lucas instead. He looked at Eliott, seeming pleasantly surprised, and smiled brightly at him. Eliott wanted to give him the world and then some.

“Demaury,” he greeted, “hey.”

“Hey yourself. Ready to go?”

“Of course. You look so good, I’m kinda jealous. Am I under dressed?”

“No, you’re perfect.”

“Oh stop,” Lucas scoffed, starting to lead the way out already, “let’s go before you hit me with any more corny lines.”

Eliott just smiled, following Lucas close behind. He got the door for Lucas going out of his building, grabbing his hand before he could walk too far ahead. Lucas didn’t let go, though, actually giving his hand a squeeze and smiling at him. The silence as they walked to Eliott’s car hand in hand was comfortable and familiar, and Lucas loved it.

When they both got into the car, Eliott went to start it, but hummed as if remembering something. Lucas watched Eliott reach into the back seat as he put his seat belt on, his brows furrowed.

“What are you doing?” Lucas asked, and Eliott wordlessly presented a lavender rose, seeming proud of himself. He looked between the rose and Eliott a few times before dumbly asking, “Is that for me?” and Eliott nodded, handing it to him. He turned it over in his hands before looking at Eliott again, his chest tight with the slight urge to cry. Yes, he was emotional over a single flower, sue him.

“I didn’t take you as the type for grand gestures,” Eliott explained, “but... something small to remember tonight is nice, right? Even if everything goes to shit and you hate me after this, at least we started on the right foot.”

“I could never hate you, this is so sweet, Eliott. Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me. You deserve nice things. Always.”

Lucas just smiled slightly and watched Eliott start his car, starting to tell a story about a basil plant he accidentally killed. Lucas found himself oddly endeared by that, as well as his story about how he Jackson Pollock-ed his way through an entire semester. That led Lucas to tell him stories of how he tried multiple times to get out of gym back in high school with absurd ailments, one time even trying to use appendicitis as an excuse. That cracked Eliott right up, and Lucas was proud of that. He loved making Eliott laugh, it was his favorite thing.

They eventually were pulling into the parking lot of a very cozy looking building. “Len’s Den” was lit up brightly across the top of the building on a sign, and vased plants marked the entrance, along with a glowing, red open sign. Eliott shut the engine off after putting the car in park and looked at Lucas.

“I told him about you,” is what came out of Eliott’s mouth. Lucas must’ve made a face of confusion because Eliott laughed a bit before elaborating. “Len, I told Len.”

“Like...owner, Len?”

“Yeah. It sounds so random, but he’s been looking out for me since high school. I’ve done it all in here — cried, yelled, laughed, all three at the same time maybe?” Lucas chuckled at that, and Eliott smiled a little. “Point is, Len’s taken care of me in ways I don’t have words good enough to thank him for. He’s important to me, and so are you. I hope it was okay that I did.”

I told him about you. He’s important to me, and so are you. Those words were echoing in Lucas’ brain, doing a number on his emotions. It was heady to think that he was important to Eliott, so much so that he wanted to tell people about him.

“Yeah, that’s—I’m honored. That’s always okay, really.”

There was a beat of silence between them, the two of them just smiling and looking at each other for a moment. Eliott broke their gaze by starting to get out and Lucas followed suit, his nerves creeping back up on him suddenly.

How he was supposed to last an entire night of Eliott being Eliott was something he wasn’t sure of. Maybe if he didn’t think about it too much, the obvious would become clear - that being with each other was easy. They’ve done this before. Easy.

Upon entering, a few things caught Lucas’ eye - the photo booth in a far corner surrounded by countless strips of pictures, a piano set in the corner across, art littering the walls that resembled things he’s seen in Eliott’s apartment. Other pictures and band posters covered the walls, too, but nothing Lucas was familiar with. Eliott grabbing one of his hands and gently pulling him along shifted his focus back to him.

“You’ve got your thinky face on,” Eliott told him, “what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing, I just...like how you this place is.”

“Just screams art-kid-trying-to-find-a-place-in-the-world, huh?” he asked with a crinkle of his nose. Lucas smiled and nodded.

“Oh, a hundred percent, yes. Now let’s get some mac and cheese bites in our system, they are what brought us here after all.”

Eliott brought them over to the bar space where they sat close to each other, Eliott noting Lucas’ slight struggle to get onto the tall chair. He laughed a little on accident, and Lucas kicked his chair, mumbling for him to shut up.

Lucas let Eliott kind of take the lead here, ordering for the both of them with confidence that Lucas admired. Eliott in his element was always lovely to witness, no matter what. Conversation points never ran out as they sat and chatted (even when the heavenly bites did, Lucas ate two rounds of them), and Eliott even got him to take photo booth pictures with him at one point. Lucas being fussy about how the pictures were coming out made Eliott laugh so, so much. Lucas was shocked no one came over and was concerned with what was happening in this booth.

“To have not wanted to take these to begin with, you sure have a lot of opinions,” Eliott teased, and Lucas rolled his eyes, pushing his head gently and telling him to focus. Being in close proximity like this with a beautiful boy like Lucas was not helping him in the crush department, not by any means.

To only be date number one, Lucas felt like he had known Eliott forever, and the idea scared him a little bit. To know someone for only a handful of weeks and feel like everything is new and yet so familiar and safe between them already was a lot for him. He didn’t usually do this, he didn’t usually allow himself to get to this point. Infatuation with no return. But he kind of liked it. A lot.

Soon enough, it was just the two of them left as patrons, the only other person in the store being Len himself, waiting to lock up. He didn’t even make an attempt to kick them out, though, and Lucas had a feeling Eliott had something to do with that. Rather than dwell on that thought, however, Lucas found himself wandering over to the piano, Eliott following close behind.

“Piano’s lovely,” he commented, taking a seat. Lucas took note of all the etching done into the piano, making him wonder if one day he would get to add to them. There were people's initials inside hearts, stickers scattered on it, and messy scrawl in sharpie of people who came here before him. He pat the seat next to him to get Eliott to sit beside him and he did, their knees touching and arms brushing against each other.

“It’s old as shit, honestly. In tune, though. I tagged it somewhere way back when, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Somewhere here...” His voice trailed off as he scanned the surface of the piano with his eyes, eventually humming in recognition and pointing for Lucas to see. Lucas smiled, realizing it was a raccoon, and nudged his arm gently. “What?”

“You and these raccoons, Demaury.”

“Spirit animal, what can I say.”

“Oh man, you’re a trip,” he sighed, plucking a few random keys of the piano. Eliott started laughing and Lucas gave him a look. “What?”

“Nothing. Just wanna say Len’s got a triangle if you wanna mess with that instead.”

“Oh, shut up, as if you play.”

“I’ll have you know I can play the Star Wars theme,” he scoffed, starting to pluck out the first few keys. “Mmh, and I do a mean Für Elise cover.”

“Cover? What the hell?”

Eliott simply started playing the first few notes slowly but surely. It sounded familiar to Lucas’ ears, at least until Eliott started playing a bunch of meaningless mess. Lucas laughed at that genuinely, like, belly aching laughter. Eliott stopped playing and looked at him, something warm erupting in his chest resembling love, but not quite there yet. Adoration, maybe, but strong. So strong, Eliott had to refrain from just grabbing his face and kissing him right then and there. He almost couldn’t think of anything else as he sat there, smiling fondly at the boy beside him.

Lucas wiped at his eyes, calming down after a minute or so and looked at Eliott, clearly amused. He cleared his throat and tried to be serious, nodding once. Eliott tried to stop smiling too, but he knew he was failing greatly.

“Mister Demaury, I have to say,” Lucas spoke, “I think you have a fine career as a pianist in the near future.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Why thank you. Means a lot from you, you know, since you’re an expert and all.” Lucas got the sense that Eliott was teasing him a little, and he looked at him, squinting a bit. “What? I was being genuine.”

“No, you weren’t, you’re an asshole.”

“Well. Prove me wrong, c’mon.”

“Let me think,” Lucas told him, sitting up properly and getting his hands on the keys. He decided to play one of the only songs that came to mind right now, one of the first songs he ever learned - I Love You by RIOPY.

He plucked out the opening keys slowly, feeling Eliott’s eyes on him, watching intently. Once he got a good feel for the piano, he played with more confidence and ease, not missing a beat. He surprised himself, granted he hadn’t played much in a while with school and everything, but he was glad he still had it in him. As focused as he was, he felt Eliott’s eyes shift to his face, and that made him glance over at him mid-playing, taking note of the glint of wonder in his eyes. He looked away before he could start to think about it too much, but what he wasn’t aware of was how Eliott decided that in this moment, he liked surprising people. And Lucas was surprising.

When Lucas plucked out the final notes, he took his hands off and slowly looked at Eliott, who was smiling brightly. Lucas suddenly felt shy under his gaze - he’d never actually played anything for someone before, at least not a piece in seriousness like this. Silence hung between them for a moment before Eliott spoke.

“Way to show me up, Lallemant,” he said, and Lucas smiled back at him.

“It’s no Star Wars theme, but...” Lucas shrugged, non-verbally finishing the thought. Eliott kept looking at him and seemed to be thinking about what he was going to say next.

“Lucas, can I be honest with you?”

The question caught Lucas off guard, his heart hoping for the best but his brain thinking of worst case scenarios. He pushed those to the back of his mind, though, and nodded instead.

“I...am in so deep with you. The way I feel with you is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.”

“Eliott—“

“Forgive me if that’s super forward but...I have to tell you, I’d go nuts if I didn’t.”

“Can I be honest, too?”

“Sure.”

Lucas felt his heart beating in his ears, his nerves creeping up on him. Being with Eliott was the easy part. Having feelings for Eliott and sharing said feelings was the hard part.

“I really, really like you too,” he said finally, “more than anyone I’ve ever met. Ever.”

Several more beats passed between them, the silence becoming the loudest thing in the room. The tension was suddenly palpable, too, at least to Lucas, and every thought that passed through his brain became nothing but please kiss me, please kiss me, please kiss me.

As if able to hear Lucas’ thoughts, Eliott took hold of his face in his hands before leaning in, just close enough for Lucas to close his eyes for a moment. He opened them enough to look at him when nothing happened, and Eliott smiled just a little.

“Is it okay? To kiss you, is that okay?” he asked. Lucas scoffed, making Eliott laugh.

“Yes, obviously, please do,” he told him quietly, and in that moment, their lips met and Lucas felt whole.

It felt like Lucas had waited his whole life for this moment - the kiss that all the books he’s read and movies he’s seen in his life talked about. The kiss that had your skin thrumming with desire for more, that made life feel like a movie, like sparks were flying. That’s what it was like to kiss Eliott. It was better than he could ever imagine it being, and he wished he could bottle this feeling up and carry it with him everywhere at all times.

When Eliott pulled away, Lucas felt dizzy with it, slowly opening his eyes and his brain feeling like a bunch of exclamation points were going through it. Eliott started to smile, but Lucas leaned back in, kissing him one last time to make sure it was real.

“Fuck, I’m so in love with you,” Eliott whispered, and Lucas wanted to scream from the rooftops about this moment. He wanted to live in this moment and with this feeling for all time.

•••••••

Lucas woke up comfortably warm, almost too comfortably, swimming in clothes that were definitely not his own. The only sound in the room was the gentle hum of a fan and traffic passing outside, letting Lucas know he was not at his dorm. That, and the fact that the room was too big anyway. The bed was also dipping beside him and he turned his head to find a very sleep ridden Eliott laying beside him. Eliott looked like an angel, the sunlight hitting him in the most beautiful of ways. If Lucas was a photographer at all, he’d be trying to capture this moment.

“Time?” Lucas mumbled, and Eliott blindly grabbed his phone to look, squinting at how bright it was.

“9:17.”

“Jeez...”

“Good morning to you too,” Eliott laughed, and Lucas breathed deeply, snuggling closer to him. Eliott wrapped an arm around him and pressed a kiss to his forehead, not saying anything else.

“You’re thinking so loudly right now.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm. What?”

“Well...I’m lucky you’re here. Happy.”

“And?”

“I...have a proposition.”

“It’s 9:17 in the morning and you’re already using words like proposition? You’re unreal, Demaury.”

“Not the fact that I have one, just the word itself. You’re funny.”

“What’s your proposition?” he asked, looking up at him. Eliott continued to look up at his ceiling.

“My final. I want you in it. I want us to be in it.” Lucas made a curious noise, and Eliott continued. “I’ve struggled with a concept for months, like, since this course started, and I thought I had one. I really did. But I’m stuck with that and re-inspired, and...I want to do it on intimacy and human connection. I have to write a paper with it, so I wanna do that.”

Lucas sat up and looked at him, understanding what it had to do with him suddenly. Eliott looked at him, as if waiting for some kind of reaction.

“You hate it,” Eliott decided, and Lucas shook his head, running his hands through Eliott’s hair and smiling a little.

“No, just...intrigued, I guess. You’re makin’ a model out of me, Demaury, please just say you’re not putting us on a billboard.”

“No, no billboards,” he laughed, “just my professor. And the art panel at our school because they’re choosing one project to go in a gallery walk at the end of the semester.”

“Can we eat first? So I can think about it?”

“Of course. Please don’t be scared to tell me no, too, it’s okay,” Eliott insisted, grabbing one of his hands and pressing a kiss to the back of it. “It’s just a thought right now.”

“Okay.”

“Is now the time to tell you I’m the worst chef on planet Earth? Or should I have kept that in the vault?”

“In the vault, I’m out of here now,” he teased, and Eliott pulled the pillow from under his head and hit Lucas with it, making him laugh out loud.

taglist: @that-one-meh @a-french-disaster @fallout-of-my-chair @menamesniall @iamshannonmcfarland @yesyoutubeisruiningmylife @yackgrace @choupiauriant @xomywonderwallox @jacwena @awake-dreamer18 @noorakviigmohn @lost-inside-fantasy @myverybigmoodboard @ariavds @didntgowithgrace @laurenkmyers @sunshineyou27 @nanidice @orangefizz4 @blanxkey @bodizzy @q-branchminion-nr43 @nova-on-standbi @boysrunaway @anothergayhpblog @mlhalbertt @valenschmidt @skamchokehold @mostlysh1tposting @lucassdemaury @oceanicinception @yellowballoon @fallinglikeafoolforyou @bluronyourradar @painfully-oblivious @alwayskissmeatnight @katzen-kinder @howlingsaturn @luxandobscurus @anotherplaceintheuniverse @aly-kazam​ @quint-cssential

[archive link <3]

[PART ONE || TWENTY]

[yolkyeomie]

Iced Americano | lee jeno

summary — you don’t even like coffee anymore, so why do you have an iced americano in your hands now?

word count — 2k words

pairing — jeno x gender neutral!reader

genre — coffee shop + college au, my sad attempt at humor but really it’s just me kinda losing my mind in the middle of writing this

disclaimer — this was originally made for a close friend of mine so reader is heavily based off of her! also ignore any and all typos thank you

You'd like to say you’re rather good at talking to people

Sure you may have a rather small friend group, but still

The size of your friend group doesn’t equate to how good at socializing you are

Besides !!!

Everyone finds it really easy to approach you and you're really kind back to them !!

That is if they come to you with the right attitude

So it’s not hard to say you’re known very well throughout the campus of ur university

I mean you’re not like POPULAR POPULAR but you’re nice attitude makes people just gravitate towards you a lot

And you liked that!! The attention made you feel validated and loved

was today one of those days where everyone is just super nice to you?

Yeah !!

haha no it wasn’t really

you tolerate a lot of stuff okay

You juggle a lot of responsibilities on your back while still trying to keep in touch with your friends so they don’t feel like you’ve abandoned them or something

but it was REALLY hard tryna keep up with everything

especially when your close friend group was full of boys who didn’t know the exact meaning of organization

trying to keep them situated before they went and burned themselves out was HARD

and then trying to manage yourself at the same time??

sometimes you were ready to throw yourself off the top of fifty story building

and unfortunately for you

today was just one of those days

thankfully it wasn’t because your friends are a genuine mess but

Uni is HARD

as a college student you must put up with a lot of… stuff

I mean some professors can be,,,,, UNKIND to say the least

But usually they were rather lenient and understanding !!

Except for this one. professor.

They always seemed like they were on the verge of losing their mind

And toda must have been the perfect day for them to do that

because your professors summoned the LITERAL devil from within to torture everyon in your clas

But especially you

so let’s just say you’ve been scolded a lot and given wayyyy too much work for no absolute reason

you’re about this close to bashing your head against the wall but you gotta hang on

YOU'RE NOT IN COLLEGE FOR NOTHING AFTER ALL!!!

so you find yourself absently complaining about how much work you have to do today and your friends are like

“That’s tough,,, I’m so sorry [y/n]”

what else can they say really??? they aren’t in your major and they can’t really understand your struggles even tho they wish they could

Well scratch that

they don’t want to understand because that’s ANOTHER work load of information that would constantly be rattling in their heads

Haechan had decided to become a computer engineer when he decided to pick up a major, so his brain was just always fried

Jisung was still trying decide what he wanted to go into and chenle was very serious about becoming a business just so he could accumulate as much money as he possibly could

You always forget what Jaemin had decided to major in, but it wasn’t very interesting to you in the first place

And renjun had decided to major in some form of art, the easier out the four majors mentioned before

Or at least you thought they were easy

Either way TRUST AND BELIEVE if jaemin knew just a little about your major and was able to witness the unfairness in front of him

he’d probably get expelled

anyways renjun had noticed you just getting ready to cry in the corner about how overworked you were

and for once in his life decided to try and help out, not with work tho

why would he ever help with work

“do you want something to eat??? Maybe drink??? I know this place near us that we can go to”

“Thank you so much I’d love to eat and drink and pass out and do nothing about this work when I get home”

yes that’s exactly what you wanted to and nothing was about to stop you

anyways you two were hanging out with each other either way, so it worked very well in ur opinion

You walking down this street towards some restaurants and stores while you were chatting

trying to decide where you wanted to settle down and rest like renjun has suggested

but you uh

notice something strange

you’re passing all the places you usually like to eat at because

renjun kept saying no?

he didn’t want to go to ANY of your usual hangout spots?????

WHY IS RENJUN PASSING ALL YOUR HANGOUT SPOTS??

They were hangout spots for REASON.

good atmosphere, good food, nice people??? they’reperfect !!

so why was he declining every single one of them???

“Hey renjun,,,, where are we going”

“?? To get something to eat and drink??????”

“No like WHERE ARE WE GOING?????”

“TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT AND DRINK WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN???????????”

you two started getting into a small argument, you being annoyed that he was declining every suggestion you through and him being annoyed that you kept question his choices

that was, until he finally stopped

“Oh perfect!! we’re here!!”

You turned to look at him and find that he’s standing in front,,,

,,,, a coffee shop

COFFEE shop????

you’re more of a SODA WATER TEA JUICE ANYTHING BUT COFFEE PERSON

well your parents drink coffee and all no doubt

and when you were a kid you used to drink coffee ALL OF THE TIME

you always had to get your own cup because you’d drink all of your parents’ under ten mins

but uh as you got older

it started to taste

worst?

you started to lose the taste for coffee as you got older and it was just downhill from there

*one sip* “THATSHS HORRIAVKE”

it really surprised your parents

and jaemin

but no one ever wants to drink jaemin’s coffee

please you watched renjun and haechan almost DIE from drinking it, coffee and choking and everything

when jaemin asked jisung to try it as a joke he bursted into tears

when chenle was presented the opportunity he cash apped him money and ran for it

please you almost PUNCHED jaemin for even thinking of making you try it

maybe it’s partly jaemin’s fault you can’t drink coffee anymore

“renjun uh,,,,, I don’t want coffee,,,?? You know I don’t drink that stuff. do they have like anything but that”

“yeah they have coffee coffee and coffee”

“literally,,, you’re the worst”

“No thanks :D”

yeah so you got dragged into the coffee shop

it wasn’t vsco girl Starbucks level inside

it was really small

only a couple of tables scattered about with white cloth covering them and little lights strung up along the walls to make the ambience of the room nice and cozy

There was a small chalkboard menu on the counter as well, with the day’s special and little drawings of flowers and animals around the words.

it was really cute you can’t lie

There was an even larger menu behind the really cute cashier at the cash register that detailed all of the drinks they sold as well

there was also— wait what

back track back track THERE'S A REALLY CUTE CASHIER AT THE CASH REGISTER

PAUSE BECAUSE YOU'RE ENTIRE BODY F R O Z E ON THE SPOT

“[y/n] you there”

“[y/n]?”

“[y/n] move you're blocking the door”

listen you’re not HORRIBLE at communication, it was definitely one of your strong suits in life

But this???

You were practically malfunctioning at this point

seriously you felt like you were in a romance show

you made eye contact with him and nearly tripped over your own two feet

how did you fall so head over heels for this guy so quickly???? He hadn’t even said a WORD

“Can I take your order?”

“Can you what?”

oh god oh god OH GOD HES TALKING TO YOU

wait he’s supposed to do that it’s his job

your eyes looked down towards the name tag pinned onto the apron he wore

lee jeno

wow… you could say his name for hours and never get tired of it

renjun is just kinda,,,, staring at you to get a move on

oh no did he already order

DID HE ALREADY ORDER WHILE YOU WERE ZONING OUT

NO YOU ARE NOT READY WAIT

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?? YOU DONT EVEN LIKE COFFEE

“excuse me? are you ready to order?”

he gave you an amused smile and god it felt like the sun was shining down on you

Jeno was getting more ethereal with every word that came out of his mouth

but you couldn’t keep him waiting you were embarrassing yourself

you stared at the board above him and just blurted out whatever you saw first

“I-I I’ll have a uh iced americano…”

What's even in americanos?????

you hoped it wasn’t gross,,,

if it was it would REALLY awkward having to ask for a bunch of sugar packets to sweeten it

but then jeno smiled at you

“okay! can I have your name please?”

“,,, uh [y/n]”

“[y/n].... what a pretty name for a pretty person”

please god you are about to explode

HE CALLED YOUR NAME PRETTY AND YOU P R E T T Y AT THE SAME TIME??

anyways you’re losing your mind if you can’t tell

and renjun thinks your brain might be on emergency mode right now

and that’s not what youneed is it now?

so he decided to save you the embarrassment and pay for the drinks himself and push you towards one of the tables

you’re seated away from jeno so that you don’t melt into a little puddle if he catches you staring

which you did a lot more then you’d like to admit

“okay so he’s definitely flirting with you”

“AND THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER???”

“uh yeah? you’re supposed to feel better after knowing someone is genuinely flirting with you”

“RENJUN.”

you love renjun but rn you wanna punch him because HNG YOU DON'T KNOW BOW TO HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW

“please let’s not think about this right—“

“He’s staring at you”

“He’s WHAT”

please renjun is laughing so hard this is incredibly funny to you

no he wasn’t looking at you he was making someone’s coffee

perhaps your coffee???

or whatever the HELL renjun has ordered

but you saw jeno stop for a moment and glance at you

and the minute he realized you were looking at him too he started BEAMING

LIKE HE WAS OUTSHINING THE SUN

“RENJUN RENJUN RENJUN RENJUN—“

“I’m right here calm down”

“Miss [y/n]?”

PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE

your name sounds really nice coming from him

how did you not notice that before !!!!

“[y/n] your Americano“

“RIGHT”

you move like a robot over to jeno

are you so nervous???? AND YOU'LL PROBABLY NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN

UGH LIFE IS CRUEL

He’s all smiley and giving you the SWEETEST SMILE and jeno’s like “your americano !! I hope you enjoy it, I made it with a lot of love !!

someone send help right now

he made yours with a lot of LOVE

“ ahh !! Thank you!!!”

“I advise you to not drink americanos tho,,, they don’t suit you”

???? what does that mean

“You should try our caffe mocha, it’s sweeter than what you’re drinking now. Just like you !! I’m jeno btw”

YOU SLY BASTARD

I c what u did there

“AHHHHHH THANKS ??? I UH IM [Y/N] NICE TO MEET YOU”

you’re so stupid he already knows your name

well you already know his name you were staring at his name tag

but you’re having a sensory overload so it’s okay

renjun snickers from the back, tho highkey realizing he hasn’t received HIS DRINK YET AND MIGHT THROW A FIT

though eventually he got his drink so he was happy then, tho still a little annoyed with how love struck you were with jeno

you did have to drag him out of the coffee shop because he was going to make a complaint flirting cuz he was getting tired of it

oh and you?

After a few (many) visits you can say you definitely like caffe mochas now

but you did keep getting iced americanos every time you visited

the sweet boy who makes them the drinks always makes yours with lots of love

[themagicalari]

For the ask thing you may or may not have reblogged yet: 001 Community 002 Ship DabiHawks 003 Character Kirishima

The last one took me forever because I’m scatter brained af rn, but let’s hope I do better with words this time!

Fucking community spoilers warning I guess.

001 community

Fave character- Abed, of course

Least fave character- I mean it’s Andre, Shirleys husband or ex husband depending on season. I know that they work past all the bullshit but I still haven’t gotten over that he was mad she missed the wedding rehearsal because she was trying to get her business started. And like especially since him leaving was the reason she was going back to school and trying to be financially independent. I just have a lot of feeling about Shirley.

Five fave ships- Jeff/Annie is number one (I’m over the age difference stuff I guess? But all in all I am happy they didn’t end up together), Troy/Annie, Britta/Annie, Annie/Abed (but I do prefer them as friends), and the Dean/a healthy relationship

Honestly didn’t realize I just ship Annie with everyone

Character I find most attractive- ok so this comes down to my giant crush on Paget Brewster but it’s gonna have to be Frankie

Character I would marry- gosh none of them are really stable enough for marriage right? But I could probably marry Annie or Frankie

Character I would be best friends with- Abed for sure, plus you get Troy as part of the deal

A random thought- after season 4 the “family” dynamic was strained by the replacement of pierce I think, and the whole show felt a lot darker than it had before. It lost some of the fun and optimism, there were plenty of good episodes in season 5 but still, the tone changed.

An unpopular opinion- I hate the way Pierce was sort of forgotten about, for a while he was growing with everyone else but then suddenly that stopped and was even reversed. I know there was a scandle with Chevy Chase, I don’t actually know what happened, but it sucks that it affected the writing so much.

Canon otp- Annie and Vaughn were really cute

Non-canon otp- Annie with anyone I guess lol

Most badass character- Annie once framed a man for the senseless destruction of a dvd that she broke. And she dominated in the second paintball episode.

Most epic villain- Chang took over the school with an army of children

Pairing I’m not a fan of- Troy and Abed, I’m not against the pairing I just really value their friendship.

Character I feel the writers screwed up- the last two seasons really didn’t focus on the characterization of Abed, he was really animated and emotional compared to other seasons.

Fave friendship- Troy and Abed

Character I most identify with- oh man it’s Britta, the more you get to know me the worse I get

Character I wish I could be- Jeff to an extent, I just want his powers of persuasion

002 Dabi/Hawks ooooh man

When I started shipping them- well before I actually met hawks in the manga, I saw a lot of shipping on my dash and was just down for it

My thoughts- I mean it’s a destructive relationship, but aus are super cutesy, there’s endless angst possibilities. There’s just so much potential and I love all of it.

What makes me happy about them- enemies to lovers is just my jam, and I love a conflicted hero

What makes me sad about them- just who they are as people, they’re both so damaged

Things done in fanfic that annoys me- removing Dabis scars, I mean like no quirk aus where they’re replaced with tattoos I don’t mind, but like just taking them away or *magically* healing them is the worst

Things I look for in fanfic- pining, angst or hard the opposite way like soulmate-y tooth rotting fluff

Wishlist- I mean given the sheer amount of potential with these two it really depends on the day

Who I’d be comfortable with them ending up with if not each other- hmmm for dabi idk, there’s pleanty of ships out there but not any I like as much I like him shipped with hero’s the best though, eraser maybe? As for hawks someone I follow really ships him with Natsuo and I love it

My happily ever after for them- they just runoff and forget their aspirations and become farmers together

003 Kirishima (my son!)

How I feel about this character- I just love him so much! He’s honestly like a comfort character and an inspiration for me. He has issues with insecurity and he fights through them, I wanna do that too.

Who I ship with him- Bakugou is the big one, but I could easily ship him with any one from 1a

Fave non-romantic ship- kiri and Mina! I love them as friends so much!

Unpopular opinion- do I have one? Are there any? I know unpopular doesn’t always mean negative but still

One thing I wish would happen- I mean, Bakugou could hold his hand again, I don’t want much, I’m a simple creature

Favorite friendship- I already mentioned Mina, I also love him a kaminari as friends, sero too, I mean the whole bakusquad really

Fave crossover ship- I’ve never really thought about but I guess I’m gonna ship him with Lonnie from She-ra because the last ask has my head full of she-ra love and he would be good for her

[winteriron-trash]

You haven’t been posting a lot and I just wanna check in on you. Are you doing okay??

Hey, anon. First of all, I’m very touched that you even care about me enough to notice and want to check up on me, that’s very sweet and honestly, I’ve got too many feels rn. 

Second of all, to answer your question, no, not really. I’m a piping hot mess. 

So recently, I just got back into therapy because my mental health has been slipping and that’s no fun for anybody tbh. I’ve tried two new antidepressants, and the one I’m on now doesn’t seem to be doing much but scattering my brain, which can make it just a wee hard to do any sort of writing that involves being able to you know, write a coherent sentence. I haven’t been to school in oh, about five weeks now. So that’s also fun.

There’s not much explanation for why except it just be like that with mental illness sometimes. There are ups and downs, and I’m in one of the worst downs I’ve been in for a while. I can’t do much of anything that’s productive, and fucking trust me, I wish I knew why. If one more person asks me why I think I might explode at this point.

Honestly, thank you for caring enough to send this. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get things back to usual around here, and I certainly don’t know anything about when I’m going to get myself back to usual, but it is what it is. I’m trying my best and at this point, my best is not falling apart more than I already have. I’m getting there, but lord knows how I’m gonna get there.  

[midnightghostwriter]

netflix and no chill

↬ summary: when lost in translation goes just a little too far to the wayside.

↬ genre: fluff

↬ pairing: chase/chacha malone x reader

↬ word count: 2.9k

a/n: another repost of an older work i did. istg i write stuff besides fluff, it's just all in the works rn. xP

It was well past time for the sun to be shining down on the harried faces of pedestrians shoving past each other on their way to any number of destinations. But the sun seemed much too tired to show her face, choosing instead to hide behind the silver-grey skirts of the clouds dotting the sky. The dim color had absolutely no bearing on the small spot of warmth blooming in you as you wove through the crowds to the AOMG office. It could begin pouring rain and you would probably still be smiling brightly to yourself.

You couldn’t remember the last time you had set foot in the place, though it certainly felt like longer than just a few weeks. Of course you understood that life for your musically-talented friends was beyond busy, and the last thing you expected was endless hours to spend with them. Their careers came before almost anything else, and standing in the way of something each and every one of them had been so long reaching for - you would never dream of it. Even so, you could only go so long without seeing them before something had to be done.

So here you were, pushing past the glass doors and waving to a few of the people scattered about the lobby. Rather than wait for the elevator, you slipped into the stairwell, taking the steps two at a time to the studio floor. The faint sounds of music drifted into the hall from one of the rooms, and you followed it to a door sitting slightly ajar.

Inside you discovered Jay and Loco sprawled on the couch, lazily scanning their phones, though they had the presence of mind to look up as you snuck in. Gray stood at the mic, firing out lines too fast for you too follow, especially with the window between you and the booth blocking most of them. Most importantly, though, was Chacha seated before the impressive array of mixing equipment. Ignoring the knowing looks on the other boys’ faces and the way your heart thumped in your chest, you plopped down into the vacant seat next to him.

You had yet to say it out loud to anyone but Hoody, but you had developed something of a crush on him. What had begun as mildly enthusiastic fangirling over his talent, had unexpectedly grown into more, and now you were hopelessly infatuated. The two of you had bonded further over your shared origins outside Korea, though you had the advantage of a mother from Gwangju. Even so, the two of you had hit it off much to your delight, and it had become a common sight to see you either at his side or running off to join him.

Which was probably why even though the pair of you didn't say anything as you watched Seonghwa finish his verse, he still handed you a can of coffee that had been perched happily beside his own. You accepted gratefully, shooting him a beaming smile before popping the tab and silently chugging most of its contents. It wasn't nearly as involved as theirs, but your own work had been wearing you down as well, and you were happy for the pick-me-up.

As soon as the door opened and the booth’s former occupant took up residence with Jay and Hyukwoo on the couch, Chase turned to you, smiling so genuinely your stomach flopped.

“Hey, long time no see!”

“Jeez, you say it like we haven't spoken in years or something!” You laughed. He shrugged.

“Feels like it. You haven't been by the studio in ages.” It was your turn to let your shoulders rise and fall as you tried to play it cool.

“I know you've all been busy. I didn't want to get in the way.”

“That's a lame ass excuse,” Jay declared. “Y’know you're welcome here anytime.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm busy too.”

“Busy avoiding how deep in denial you are,” Gray chimed in. It took your brain a second to process the sudden switch he'd made to Korean, but when you had you sent him your darkest glare.

“Yah!” The other guys chuckled, though Chase just looked confused. For once you were grateful for his lack of knowledge with the language, as it saved you the immense embarrassment of explaining yourself. The others relentlessly teasing you was more than par for the course, but it didn't make you want to crawl down a hole any less. What came out of Jay’s mouth next didn't help in the least.

“Well I think that's everything for now. We’re gonna go get lunch.” Before you could open your mouth, the three of them fled the room, leaving you and Chacha alone.

“They could have at least invited us too,” you muttered. He watched the way you pouted and chuckled.

“Who needs them, let's go get lunch ourselves.” You looked at him, the implication of his proposition making your stomach do somersaults.

“Don't you wanna go catch up to them or something?” He scoffed and stood, holding a hand out to help you out of your chair. You accepted, letting him tug you to your feet.

“Nah, I see enough of them here during the day. Let's go.” As he began leading the way out of the office, his phone buzzed. Checking the screen, he rolled his eyes at Jay’s message.

You owe me.

A second later, it was followed up with,

Don't fuck it up.

Despite your initial hesitation to spend any extended time with Chase, lest you become a mess of butterflies and nerves, you made it through lunch without any problems. In fact, it was the most fun you'd had in a long while, and when you caught him grimacing at his phone your heart dropped.

“Sorry but I should probably get back.” Knew it. But you smiled in understanding and started gathering the remains of your meal.

“Those tracks won't mix themselves!” You declared cheerfully. When you looked up from tossing your collective trash, a look of hesitance had overtaken him. “What?”

“Do you wanna come over later?

“What?” You repeated, this time with an added edge of disbelief. His gaze slid away from yours and you realized you'd never seen him, the Chacha Malone, so obviously nervous.

“Well it's been awhile since we hung out, so I was thinking when I'm done at the studio you could come by... There's some new stuff out, so we could watch that and just, y’know, chill.” If your desire to not look like a ridiculous beached fish hadn’t won out, you were fairly certain you would’ve been gaping at him. Instead you swallowed and raised your eyebrows at him.

“Chase did you…. Did you just ask me to Netflix and chill?” Realization dawned in his eyes, before they melted back to his familiar dark brown, lighted with amusement.

“I guess I did,” he laughed. “Are you saying no?” This time it was you who hesitated, weighing the offer in your mind. After all, it didn’t have to mean what you thought it did, right? And even if it did, were you really going to turn that down?

“I’ll see you tonight,” you managed eventually, and the two of you went your separate ways out the door.

By the time you showed up at his apartment door, with what felt like an eternity left before the time he’d texted you earlier, you were a mess. A nervous, excited, and maybe even a little queasy, mess. You’d made an effort to wear more than just your typical couch surfing gear of sweats and a comfy tee, and even refreshed your makeup rather than removing it like you usually would have. None of it made you feel any better about anything.

The universe took pity, though, only giving you a few minutes to worry yourself senseless before the door swung open after you’d finally raised the courage to knock. You could see the weariness of the week catching up to him; not only in the faintly visible bags under his eyes, but also the fact that he was in a well-worn hoodie and jeans that made you feel supremely overdressed.

“Hey.” He moved aside, letting you slip past into the hall. “Did you come from somewhere?”

“Huh?” You looked up from taking off your shoes, meeting his eyes with your confused ones.

“You seem more dressed up than you were earlier.”  Shit. Forcing a quick smile onto your face and willing your cheeks to stop heating up, you nodded.

“Oh y-yeah, I met one of my friends at the mall earlier.” Before he could ask any more questions, you moved past him into the lounge, making yourself comfortable on the couch and he followed suit a moment later.

Picking something to watch wasn’t difficult as you both shared similar tastes in shows and movies. It was getting through the episodes that was proving to be difficult. You were so high strung you had forgotten what was happening at this point, and you couldn’t be bothered to focus enough to find out. What you were focused on, rather than whatever pickle the main character found themselves in, was how close you two were seated, how you could just feel his body heat seeping into your skin despite his sweatshirt, how if you moved a smidge to the left, you’d be basically leaning on him. None of these thing seemed to bother Chase, and that just made you all the more frustrated with yourself. You were beginning to think you had read way too far into his offer earlier that day, and he had meant exactly what he said - Netflix and chill the fuck out.

Then, it happened. What many considered to be the universal signal that things were stepping up a notch. When you had turned your head back to the television in an effort to actually pay attention, he shifted beside you, and suddenly you realized his shoulder you’d been carefully seated away from had moved. Oh.

Your companion showed absolutely no sign that he picked up on how your heart began to race or how you had frozen to the spot. Uncertainty ran like ice through your veins, a thousand questions spinning through your mind. Namely, however, was what the fuck were you supposed to do now?

After several elongated second of deliberation, you settled for playing it cool, trying to act as if nothing had happened. Yup, you had noticed absolutely nothing except how very interesting the show before you was. And so you continued to tell yourself, a mantra that lasted enough episodes that you actually felt yourself loosening up, your earlier tension dissipating.

But fate had other plans apparently, and all your hard work was undone a second later.

You had finally settled into a comfortable position, letting yourself lean into him just enough to be supported in your lounging; everything was right with the universe. But just as another episode ended, you felt eyes on you and turned to find Chase staring at you.

“Wh-what?” You asked, suddenly and inexplicably nervous. The racing thump of your heart in your chest went unnoticed as he leaned a tiny bit closer, still silent. As if on some kind of pre-programmed instinct, your eyes slipped shut and you held your breath. Warmth brushed your cheek and you felt heat lick its way up your neck to your face.

When nothing else happened after a few seconds, you finally opened your eyes, and Chase was still staring at you, this time looking bemused. Oh no.

“You had an eyelash stuck to your cheek.” You nodded at the simple explanation, shame and humiliation in equal part flooding your system.

“Thanks,” you muttered, almost inaudible, as you looked anywhere but him.

The second your eyes dropped from his and red flooded his cheeks, Chase knew he had fucked up. And fucked up hard. You looked positively mortified, and it was abundantly clear you had expected something more, something he was all too willing but too apparently oblivious to give.

Fuck.

He had always known he liked you. From the moment the two of you had met and you had been able to not only match wits with Jay but share the group’s appreciation for music and art, he knew. But getting up the courage to say anything was impossible, even with all the time the two of you spent together, or perhaps because of it. After all, what was the appropriate time to tell your best friend you were more or less in love with them?

It could have been then and now, a moment of utter perfection handed down by the universe through Jay’s attempts at matchmaking, but it had passed. Fled the scene in the wake of his blunder, its disappearance obvious in how you situated yourself as far from him as possible and tried to hide your embarrassed tears with your hair.

Uncertainty and panic of a nature he had never known swept through him at the sight. What if he had messed up everything? What if you stopped coming by the studio on late nights to remind them to sleep? What if your gestures of comfort when all of them became too frustrated to think ceased?

What if he lost you as a friend, all because he had been too dumb to read the signs?

The crashing wave of possibilities was intimidating, almost keeping him frozen as the tension rose. What would happen, he had no clue, but he did know that if something wasn't done, he'd probably lose it. Even if it destroyed everything, he had to try something because seeing you like this was killing him.

As if you were a small creature not to be disturbed, he reached over and swept up the remote. He watched you jolt as the press of a button made the screen go black and the room fall incredibly silent. Acting completely independently of the coherent thought that had been washed from his mind, his hand found your shoulder, turning you back to face him. Your startled eyes met his, wide and unsure, and surprised at the faint light of determination in his.

“Ch-Chase…?” His name as it passed your lips was barely a whisper, too hesitant to be much more than that. The tension crawled molasses slow along your skin, wrapping you in a tight and nearly suffocating embrace. It felt like an eternity with your gazes locked on one another’s, the feeling of drowning in his stare beginning to consume you when he finally leaned in and this time when you closed your eyes, you got exactly what you’d wanted.

What kissing Chacha Malone was like you couldn’t have hoped to guess. It was something you never thought you would get to experience. Yet as his mouth found yours, molding together in a way that was almost too perfect, you were struck with the notion that it was something you would give anything to do again. Your head tilted back in response, following the light touch of his hand cupping your neck to deepen the kiss. Restless fingers found the neck of his hoodie and tugged him even closer, wanting to get everything out of the kiss that you could.

The need for oxygen that had your lungs screaming in your chest was the only thing that kept you from pressing into him further, or begging with fingers cascading through his hair for something beyond the sensation of his lips against yours. Taking a moment to collect yourself and enough oxygen to think past your spiralling emotions, your eyes remained closed, missing the way his expression shifted into something along the lines of stunned or star-struck. He studied you silently as you finally opened your eyes again, meeting his gaze with pupils blown wide and lips slightly swollen from the intensity of the kiss and, in short, perfect. A few moments later those lips split into a shy smile and you let out a soft laugh that made his heart warmer just hearing it.

“Well,” you started, slightly breathless even still, “that was… That was something.”

“Uh yeah,” he muttered. Now that the moment had passed, he found himself incredibly embarrassed that he had done something so rash. He supposed he was lucky you hadn’t utterly rejected him. That would have been infinitely worse.

“So…” Embarrassment was making the rounds now to you, and it brought with it a healthy dose of uncertainty. Where did this leave you? “I’ll be straight. I like you, and I’d really like it if you liked me too. But if this was just a one time thing tell me now so I don’t humiliate myself later.” His eyes widened for a moment before he shook his head.

“No, definitely not a one time thing. At least, I’d like it not to be. If, uh, that’s what you want too. Because I kind of, maybe, like you too.” A sly grin crossed your lips.

“‘Maybe’? That’s not good enough, Chase,” you teased, watching with utter amusement as panic set in, and he hurried to elaborate.

“Wait wait wait, I like you too! For real.” Another giggle escaped you and, feeling bold now, you leaned forward to kiss his cheek.

“I’m glad,” you told him, softer now, a matching smile replacing your earlier one. He returned it with a genuine grin of his own and slid an arm around your waist.

“So about that whole ‘Netflix and chill’ thing.”

“Don’t push your luck, slick.”

Wearing matching idiotic grins, the two of you settled back on the couch, much more comfortably entwined than before. As you engrossed yourself in the next episode, Chase slid his phone from his pocket and sent a quick text.

To: Simon I believe you and Loco owe Jay ten bucks. Just saying.