#i wanna reread helena now

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (9-15 Jun 2024)

actually me this week. week full of office meetings. did not like.

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

😊 Murder on the French Riviera (Miss Underhay Mystery #16) (Helena Dixon, author; Karen Cass, narrator) - Kitty & Matt do a bit of off the books espionage on the French Riviera. I find this series relaxing - it's entertaining, predictable, charming & superficial.

🥰 the warmth of your doorways (cicer) - 00Q, 384K (WIP) - fake marriage that starts as a QPP, fairly quickly becomes romantic, eventual even sexual as they both heal trauma & become domesticated; great slow burn journey to get there, never got bogged down, just took its time. Loved being in JB's POV as he slowly becomes domesticated, realizes he doesn't hate it, grapples with that, realizes he's actually in love with his husband, starts working thru & healing trauma. WIP (possibly abandoned) but honestly where it currently ends makes for a reasonably satisfactory stopping point. I liked that the author was very clear upfront that QPP aren't inferior in any way but that this is the story they wanted to tell about these characters.

💖💖 +15K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

You Were a Kindness When I Was a Stranger (DevilDoll) - TW: Sterek, 8K - another forever fave reread; a bdsm arrangement-to-lovers

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Romancing the Rainbow (with Alyssa Cole, Dominic Lim, Cat Sebastian & Rebekah Weatherspoon) [author panel hosted by Wade County Public Library]

Girls5eva - s1, e3

Thousandaires - s1, e2

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

Desert Island Discs - Greg Davies, comedian

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Am I OK? is a coming-out movie for adults

Short Wave - Illegal Wildlife Trade Is Booming. What Does That Mean For The Confiscated Animals?

The Allusionist - 196. Word Play 6: Beeing

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - The Secret Nazi Weather Station Named Kurt

The Sporkful - Book Tour 2: How’d You Get So Good At Failure?

WikiHole - Renaissance Faires (with Thomas Lennon, Kerri Kenney-Silver and Michael Ian Black)

Here & Now Anytime - Diddy's downfall: 'Vibe Check' weighs in

Persuasion by Jane Austen - Persuasion 5. | Behind the Hedgerow

Persuasion by Jane Austen - Persuasion 6. | Lyme

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Our favorite graduation moments in pop culture

Short Wave - From The Physics Of G-Force To Weightlessness: How It Feels To Launch Into Space

⭐ Switched on Pop - Freaking out about songwriting with Nile Rodgers

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Black Cultural Archives

Persuasion by Jane Austen - Persuasion 7. | Lady Russell Returns

99% Invisible - The Los Angeles Leaf Blower Wars

Today, Explained - Was that antisemitic?

Vibe Check - We Have Different Gay Voices

Worlds Beyond Number - WWW #16: Everything

Dinner’s on Me - Sarah Paulson

⭐ Slow Burn - Gays Against Briggs | Bonus Interview: Silvana & Larry

⭐ Wild Card - A rare dive into David Lynch's mind

Wild Card - David Lynch on the afterlife + Bowen Yang's childhood memento

Worlds Beyond Number: Fireside - Fireside Chat for WWW ep16 "Everything"

Song Exploder - Crowded House "Don't Dream It's Over"

Clean Water Works - Dam Removals and the Cuyahoga's Comeback

Dear Prudence - I’m Sick of Feeling Like I’m Always the One Doing All The Work in Dating. Help!

Endless Thread - Looking for a Man, Finding a Record Deal

It's Been a Minute - Conservatives want to burn flags too; plus, the power of a singing POTUS

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Inside Out 2 And What's Making Us Happy

Short Wave - Why You Shouldn't Worry About Invasive Joro Spiders

Dinner’s on Me - Justin Long

Hit Parade - I Wanna Rock with Q. Edition

Welcome to Night Vale #250 - Father Kevin

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Disco 2024

Pop Radio • Deep cuts

Kylie Minogue

[cleromancy]

i just reread cry for blood and first of all: 🥰

second of all. god. GOD. absolutely no one who disparagingly claims helena is fanon jason has ever actually read, or put any actual thought into, cry for blood, which is *the* helena book--or at minimum, required helena reading. its literally just their personal grudge against jason meaning he lives rent free in their heads and normally i dont mind that but rn i need you to evict him so you can think about whats *actually* going on in Helenas story ok. like its time to pay attention to Helena now, hate on jason when youre finished with that. prioritize.

its like actually really annoying that the only fricking times ive actually seen anyone bring up helena or cfb since ive been back on comics tumblr was to tear jason down and its like. dont you want to actually talk about cfb dont you want to talk about helena. like at all. because a comparison is potentially a fun thought exercise and a fun way to explore both characters but it rly grates my cheese when ppl who dont even care about helena use her to tear down some rando... come onnnn read cry for blood youll like it its good!!!! helena is there!!!!!

anyway im maybe going to reread pipeline next. (<- this is why im just complaining rn instead of. actually talking in more depth about cry for blood LMAO ik im being part of the problem but i have some STUFF i wanna reread, i just had to get this off my chest first.)

[purlturtle]

OK for the AO3 wrapped ask...

3, 5, 10, 11, 12, 20, 28, 29, and 30 please!! 💜

Oh goodness, this is gonna run long! I'll put it under a Readmore!

Thank you for the ask! Here's the list, if anyone wants to ask some other questions!

3: What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

There are several, for several reasons:

I'm proud of my first fic cycle, the Kathryn/Marie stories, because as a first work, they still hold up even now, and they're also a long ass series!

I'm proud of And Now You, for being the longest single fic I've ever written, as well as for how good it turned out

I'm proud of Angel, Sinner, Dragonslayer, and the POV change at the end :D

5: What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

In The Warmth Of Friends, for sure. I hadn't been aware, before that, that kidfic - especially fics in which Christina is saved - are so popular in the fandom!

10: What work was the quickest to write?

I wrote each of the following 5K+ stories within a day. I think in terms of length to time taken, they were the quickest:

Found

Roppongi Tokyo Butler Café

Moscow

11: What work took you the longest to write?

Objectively, And Now You. In terms of how interminable it seemed, That Halloween Story. If I ever get it finished, the Pirate AU will overtake them both.

12: How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

Uhhh... a lot? Half a dozen, I'd say; I honestly don't wanna look.

20: Which work of yours have you reread the most?

Probably Kathryn/Marie because they've been around the longest. I do re-read all of my fics, and have read several of them multiple times. Sometimes I don't want "just" a comfort fic, but my own comfort fic!

28: Favorite work you wrote this year?

That's a tie between The One Where They're Both Assassins because what a wonderful 'verse to play in Lonely-Night created, and A tall ship, and a... ghost to steer her with?!, because how can you not love a fic that came to you in a literal dream?!

29: Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

And then – Myka grinned in expectation as a fireboat approached them from Constable Hook. “Watch this,” she said, and then reveled in Helena’s gasp and full-body startle as the fireboat started spraying water from every single spout. “For her?” Helena said in a choked voice. She turned to Myka, eyes shining and full. “All of this, for my ship?” Myka nodded, unable to bring words out herself in the face of Helena’s joy and pride. She didn’t even mind the possessive pronoun; Moira was Helena’s ship in many ways. This time, not even Pete could stop her; in a flash, Helena was on the bowsprit, holding to a rigging line with one hand and waving her hat with the other, laughing with her head thrown back as the fireboat aimed one of her guns high across Moira’s bow to create a rainbow.

From A tall ship, and a... ghost to steer her with?!

30: Biggest surprise while writing this year?

Realizing I am able to post unfinished stories, or go with "good enough; just post it". I am very much a perfectionist with my writing, and realizing that I don't have to be was very surprising.

[wonder-falcon]

i,,,,i love ishara

[meet-me-onthe-equinox]

have fun, baby:

5: Book/series I reread?

17: Pirates or ninjas?

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down?

22: A good quality of mine?

52: When do I feel most at peace?

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do?

81: Story behind my last kiss?

88: What makes me really angry?

107: Guilty pleasure?

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit?

121: Am I allergic to anything?

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?

170: One of my favourite quotes?

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose?

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be?

210: What is on my bucket list?

Thank you so much I was soooo bored!!

5: Book/series I reread?

The last one I reread was Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer :)

17: Pirates or ninjas?

None n_n"

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down?

There are a few: Safety Not Guaranteed, The Great Gatsby, Into the Wild, HP 7.1, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close ;) , Speak, New Moon, Gone Girl, Someday this Pain Will Be Useful to You, Jane Eyre...

22: A good quality of mine?

Excellent driver.

52: When do I feel most at peace?

Whenever I don't have to talk to anybody, specially when I'm in bed.

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do?

Buy a house and never work again.

81: Story behind my last kiss?

She drove me to the airport and I was saying goodbye to her because I had a flight to catch... But I didn't wanna leave.

88: What makes me really angry?

Slow drivers, slow walkers, slow lines at the grocery store, traffic. Basically everything that gets in my way 'cause I'm 5 years old.

107: Guilty pleasure?

Ferrero Rocher :3

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit?

The North of Iceland.

121: Am I allergic to anything?

Silver earrings :/

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?

Me: Aubrey Plaza.

@a-year-of-the-halley: Gérard Jugnot but with a full head of hair.

Girlfriend: Mae Martin.

Mom: Susan Sarandon.

Aunts: Laura Dern, Melissa McCarthy and Helena Bonham Carter.

170: One of my favourite quotes?

“Sleep is like a cat: it only comes to you if you ignore it.”

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose?

Coding :(

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be?

I'm at peace now.

210: What is on my bucket list?

Owning a cat!

[starlit-dreaming]

[wip tidbit] it was only one night 8

Fandom: WMMAP Rating: E Ship: Lucathy Goal: 15K Words (Oneshot) TL;DR: Modern Setting + Lawyer Athy + IT Expert Lucas + Unplanned Pregnancy from a ONS

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | [8] | x | 9 | 10 | 11

WC Progress: ~11k / 15k

Note: still nowhere close to finishing. i took a few days off because i didn’t feel like writing that actual scene where athy finds out she’s pregnant (since my inspo comes from listening to “the negative” from the waitress musical and i didn’t want to use it word for word even if it is pretty funny to me). i also might need a reread of the manhwa to get some inspo tbh

i still don’t feel like writing the scene, but on the bright side, i wrote some ideas for future scenarios! :’D

...which may or may not get scrapped from the final draft, which is fine because that’s the point of a wip sometimes. anyways, i like to call this one the “shit happens” edition, in which i avoid writing lucathy family fluff (even though that was literally the entire point of me writing this story LMAO)

.

“Athy,” Cabel announced, holding a small box in hand. “It’s time to pee on a stick!”

“I don’t wanna know, Cabel!” Athanasia cried, burying her face into the decorative pillow she was hugging. She was blatantly ignoring Cabel as Helena sat down at her side, rubbing Athanasia’s back in a soothing manner as she shot Cabel a flat look.

“It’s better to know, Athy,” Helena states, trying to soothe her best friend. “And if you’re going to have to find out, I think now’s probably the best.”

“You know what they say — there’s no time like the present,” Cabel added. “We’ll be right here for you…” he paused, “Er, maybe not for the ‘taking the test’ part, I mean. I don’t really want to listen to you using the bathroom.”

“Cabel,” Helena hissed before sighing and looking at Athanasia. “Ignore him. Haven’t you waited long enough, Athy?”

.

“Athanasia…?” the voice made her halt, causing her to turn as she makes eye contact with familiar golden eyes.

“Ezekiel,” she frowns.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his eyes wide as he looked at her. He looks the same as he did before they got together, back when they were younger and naïve with an idolized future in sight, back when he still loved her.

It makes her feel just a bit nauseous.

“I should be asking you the same.” After all, he lives in the Alpheus Estate with Jennette, according to Helena back when she still attended those stupid high class parties.

“A business deal,” Ezekiel says, clearly distracted when he continues on with, “I haven’t seen you in years.”

“Yes, well, father asked to see me, so here I am,” she flatly states. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to hurry back so I can leave on time. I have an appointment to get to and will have to get dinner after that—”

“—how about I join you for dinner?” Ezekiel immediately suggests. “We could catch up.”

“I rather you didn’t,” she smiled. “My husband and I are having a dinner date tonight. I’m sure you understand.”

“Husband…?”

“I was wondering why you were taking so long,” Lucas states, wrapping an arm around her as she relaxes into him. “A friend of yours?”

“Something like that,” she states. “Luke, this is Ezekiel Alpheus. He’s the partner of my cousin, Jennette. Ezekiel, this is Lucas Hwang, my husband.”

“It’s… a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“Hmm,” Lucas narrowed his eyes.

.

Athanasia was at the top of her game — she was prepared for anything.

Or so she thought.

.

“Why the fuck does he want to have lunch with you?” Lucas blinked, looking almost as bewildered as her.

“I… don’t know,” Athanasia grimaced. “Felix made the request for the appointment. I think it’s because I didn’t tell him about any of this directly? Maybe it’s because I’m also legally changing my surname to Obelia-Hwang and the process is really stupid because I thought getting married would make it a fast change? Or maybe it’s because of the baby — I definitely told Lily, and she lives with Felix ever since they got engaged, and Felix seems to always be trying to get my dad to talk to me which hasn’t worked until now, apparently.”

“Yikes… you okay?” Lucas wrinkled his nose.

“No, I’m not okay!” Athanasia cried, her hands tugging on her hair as her mind recounts all the possibilities. “Why now?! I would’ve been fine if he stayed a bastard father! Oh god, what if I run into Jennette? Or Ezekiel? Just saying their names gives me goosebumps and nausea and if I feel like throwing up, I’m definitely throwing up on them and pretending that I didn’t mean to.”

“And you’re confident that it’s not a business meeting, right?”

“Considering that when I was still the heiress, I still know my father’s contacts and business partners. That information is drilled into my head, Luke, and I just know that our meeting isn’t going to be business-related. I deliberately chose to work at The Lovely Success because my father has no affiliation with the firm.”

“Do you want me to be there for the meeting?” he asked, tugging on her hand to stop her from trying to pull her hair out.

“…a little bit,” she sniffed.

.

Tagging: @ilyusha-hwang @lithium-15 @bloodredruby

[abovethesmokestacks]

I was tagged by the amazing @writemarvelousthings, thanks, love!

ARE YOU STAYING HOME FROM WORK/SCHOOL?

Yes, I'm now on my second week of working from home. I'm lucky enough to have a job where I could make the transition very easily.

IF YOU'RE STAYING HOME, WHO IS THERE WITH YOU?

My husband. Also the neighbour's cat.

ARE YOU A HOMEBODY?

Cardcarrying homebody.

AN EVENT THAT YOU WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO THAY GOT CANCELLED?

Had a trip planned and booked for Paris together with J. Day before we were supposed to leave, our foreign ministry put out a recommendation that no one ahould travel, so we cancelled, and I'm still bummed.

WHAT MOVIES HAVE YOU WATCHED RECENTLY?

Push, Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again, Ocean's 8

WHAT SHOW'S ARE YOU WATCHING?

Just started rewatching How I Met Your Mother, and I'm working my way through Star Trek: Picard together with J.

WHAT MUSIC ARE YOU LISTENING TO?

Mostly what I've got on my Spotify playlist. Lately I've been playing Fort Nowhere's version of Times They Are A-Changing and MCR's Helena on repeat a lot.

WHAT ARE YOU READING?

A lot of fanfiction, I'm doing the 366 eeblog challenge, so it keeps me busy. I'm also on the last part of my NEC-reread and I've started on my second reread of Song of Achilles.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR SELF-CARE?

Listening to podcasts and podfics, going out for walks, knitting, cooking and baking. Will take up doing a yoga routine again.

Tagging (if you wanna do it): @brookebarnes @hispeculiartreasure @redgillan @st-eve-barnes @bitsandbobsandstuff @interestedbystanderwrites @avengerofyourheart @hellomissmabel @captain-rogers-beard @nuvoleincielo

[sinsiriuslyemo]

Happy premiere day everyone!!! Here is the first episode of our 17th season!! I can’t believe how far this story has come!! Thank you to all of you who have been with us from the beginning, and for those of you who have just joined the Cuba v DR family, welcome!! So without further ado, let’s get into the new season!!

EPISODE 1

“I want you to meet a couple of friends who are looking for some work. I've been looking into some...art projects that I need completed and I was hoping you'd help them get acquainted with the city and how things run here,” Jasper said, taking a sip from his coffee. Things had calmed down significantly in the last few weeks. It was almost too calm, but none would dare offer a complaint.

Nevada looked up at Jasper as he twirled a cigar between his lips and puffed out a thick cloud of smoke.

“You want me to play babysitter?” he teased with a smirk and an arched brow.

“I want you to play tour guide and be nice. They're assets, both to myself and I'm sure to you in the future. You'll get along splendidly.”

“Yeah, maybe...I’m not that great of a tour guide, though. Plus I got some shit going down in the next few months with the Harvard games. We got around forty bookies we can place bets with from here down to Miami. I think this’ll be a big score,” he replied.

“I'd consider it a personal favor. I truly wouldn't trust anyone else with the job.” His phone buzzed and he looked down at it, making a face then turning his attention back to Nevada.

“Bad news?”

“You could say that.”

“Wanna clue me in, partner?” Nevada asked as he carefully rolled the ash off of his cigar.

“It appears there's a bit of a kink in my garden hose,” he said cryptically. “I have to apologize, I'm afraid we'll have to reschedule this lunch for another day.” He stood, throwing a few hundreds down on the table.

“You need me to send my gardener down to take a look?” Nevada asked, throwing back the coded language.

“Possibly, while he's at it, I seem to be having a bit of a pest problem.”

“He’s got some great chemicals, will burn those rodents right up.” Nevada took another long puff from his cigar as he walked with Jasper to his car. “I’ll give him call and have him swing by.”

Jasper nodded thankfully. “Do me another favor, make your wife think it's date night. Take a double date with our new friends. I have to be in Whales tomorrow to visit family.” He'd been talking about the visit for weeks now. A black market in Whales was showing a collection of art that hadn't been viewed in years, and he was determined to purchase a few for his collection.

Nevada rolled his eyes a little, a smirk playing on his face.

“Yeah, alright. I’ll meet em, but I’m not signing off on them unless they make an impression,” he replied. “I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt, though. If you talk to them later, tell them Ravoli’s, eight o’clock tomorrow night.”

“Scoring points with the wife and the business partner all at once.” Jasper chuckled. “It sounds like a rather good deal to me. I'll tell them to meet you. If you happen to need an extra gardener, they're quite fond of yard work.”

With that he got into his car and drove off. Nevada then took out his phone and called you.

“Oye, you should see if Izzy wants to babysit the kids tomorrow night. We’re double dating with some people at Ravoli’s,” he said when you picked up the phone.

“Really? Oh my god we haven't been on a date in weeks,” you smiled. “What should I wear? Who are they?”

“They’re friends of Jasper’s,” he answered. “They’re in from out of town, and Jaspers got to go to Whales tomorrow on business.”

Your smile faded, “So a work thing?”

“Nah, think of it as a blind double date,” he answered. “He says we’ll like them.”

“Okay,” you said after a long moment. “I'll ask my sister. I gotta go anyway, the twins need to get their shots and I'm already going to be late. I love you.” You ended the call.

Nevada sighed heavily, putting out his cigar and mounting his bike, riding it back to the club.

Rafael was nose deep in a case file; he’d been working nonstop since he and Roxie had gotten the news of her miscarriage, barely sleeping or eating.

Roxie spent most of her time in bed, staring at her stomach, fingers tracing absently over the space that had once been a home. London did bring her some comfort; her sister had stayed with her for a few days but nothing really helped very much or for long.

She took a deep breath and moved to the living room of the hotel suite when she heard a knock at the door, opening it and making a disgusted face before she could stop herself.

“Mum? What are you doing here?”

“Isla called me,” she answered. “I wanted to see you, and make sure you were alright. I was hoping you would’ve called me.”

Roxie just stared for a long time at her mother before opening the door further to let her in. “Rafi! We have company.”

Her mother followed her in, walking with Roxie to where Rafael sat.

“It's nice to finally meet you in person, Rafael,” her mother said with a smile. “I'm Helena.”

Rafael didn’t share her smile, this was not how he wanted to meet Roxie’s mother, and for the first time since he’d begun dating the pastry chef he wished her mother hadn’t come near them.

“I wish it weren’t under these circumstances,” he couldn't help but mumble.

She nodded softly, “I can understand that.” She smoothed her hands through Roxie's hair and looked her over. “You're getting thin love, when was the last time you ate?”

“Mum, I really don't-”

“Let me make you both something,” she said gently.

“Actually, we were going to go out,” Rafael chimed, neither having it in him to eat nor be rude to his fiance’s mother. “I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, especially when we’ve just met, but…”

“Oh, of course love,” she said softly looking a bit disappointed. “Um, well I'll be on my way then.”

“I would love it if you came for dinner tomorrow,” he replied, wondering if he would be able to eat at said dinner. Still, he wanted his future mother-in-law to feel welcomed by him. “Please.”

“That would be wonderful, thank you Rafael,” Helena said with a smile. She looked so much like her daughter, they almost looked more like sisters, though Roxie was slightly more beautiful, especially her eyes.

Helena turned to Roxie and stroked the young girl's hair, kissing her forehead before heading out the door.

Roxie turned quickly to him, “Why did you do that?”

Defeated, he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Because she’s your mother, Roxie.”

“And you think now is the right time to win points with her?”

“Roxie, please,” he sighed, rubbing his temples in slow, deliberate circles. “Please don’t start. She’s your mother, she wants to be here for you. Why can’t you just let her?”

She just sighed and moved back to the bedroom, she couldn't do this right now.

Frowning, he went back to reading over his case file, rereading the same paragraph five times and still not knowing what the hell it said. Dropping his pen, he ran his hands over his face, leaning back in his chair. Getting up, he moved to the minibar and eyed the bottle of scotch, biting his bottom lip. He knew if he opened it, it would be a long time before he would be able to close it. Shutting the small fridge again, he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

His chest hurt, and he felt sick to his stomach, though he hadn’t eaten in days. Dragging his feet, he moved to sit on the couch, letting his head rest against the back and closing his eyes.

After a few minutes Roxie walked out of the bedroom, wrapping her arms around his neck and crawling into his lap, she buried her face in his neck.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just felt guilty blowing her off...I didn’t want to meet her like this. I don’t feel much like being around anyone to be honest.”

She nodded and just kissed him, tangling her fingers in his hair.

“I understand, I'm sorry too.” She moved to unbutton his shirt as she kissed down his neck. He flinched a little, gently moving her away and looking up at her.

“We don’t have to do that,” he whispered.

“We don't,” she nodded softly and took a shaky breath.

“I’m sorry, I just...I don’t think I’m ready yet,” he mumbled, pulling her closer to tuck his face against her neck.

She nodded and stroked his hair, “I've got you,” she whispered. “We're going to be okay.”

He nodded against her, a well of emotion bubbling up in his throat. As much as he was hurting, he still had yet to cry for the loss of their baby.

“I love you so much,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” she whispered in automatic response. The words felt empty, grief outweighing other feelings.

Suddenly, he wanted more; he felt a disconnection between them that he couldn’t bear to leave unnoticed and slowly tilted his head up to bring her into a kiss that began slow and built up momentum.

She kissed back for a moment, pulling him closer as she ran her fingers over his forearms. Moving them to lay on the couch, he settled on top of her, humming against her mouth and reaching under her shirt.

She moaned, opening her eyes and looking at him, suddenly stopping. “I can't do this…” she whispered. “You were right...it's too soon.” She ran her fingers over his face for a moment before moving out from beneath him and sitting up.

She was scared to say why she really stopped, not sure if she was ready to even say it to herself.

Nodding his head, he put a little more distance between them.

“Okay,” he whispered. “I just don’t want us to lose each other,” he added, biting his bottom lip.

She wanted to assure him that wasn't a possibility. She wanted to tell him that they were destined to be together and nothing would ever break them apart, but she couldn't do that. The only words she could get to leave her mouth, broke her heart to pieces.

“I don't know if that's something we can control,” she whispered.

The words hit him like a dagger to his heart, and he just looked at her, biting his lip to keep it from quivering. He wanted to tell himself it was just the grief talking, but somewhere deep inside he feared that she would never be able to move past this...at least not with him. And if that ever happened, his worst fears of spending the rest of his life alone, he knew, would become a reality for him.

“I wanna fight for you,” he whispered back.

She looked at him, blinking back tears as she nodded. “I want to fight too,” she whispered. “But I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it.”

“Please just try,” he answered, looking every bit as broken and defeated as he felt.

She let out a choked sob, turning her head away as she stood up. “I need to lay down,” she whispered.

He opened his mouth slightly and nodded his head.

“Okay,” he whispered back.

She moved towards the door, back facing him as she stopped in the doorway, trying to keep her breathing steady. She didn't believe him. He didn't want to fight. Rafael Barba was a fighter in the courtroom but he wouldn't fight for her. She couldn't believe that, at least, not through the cloud of sadness hazing her thoughts.

“I think we should tell the wedding planners to stop...until further notice.”

Again, her words pierced his heart with the strength of a giant, but this time instead of nodding in compliance, he shook his head.

“But not permanently…” he tried to say. “Right?”

She didn't say anything, fists clenched as she still stood in the doorway.

“Roxie?” he called out in a shaky voice. “Don’t push me away...please…”

She felt herself start to tremble as tears slid down her cheeks. She still didn't respond, but she didn't leave, she couldn't leave him. The piece of her that knew the truth wouldn't let her take another step away from him.

Slowly standing up, he walked towards her until his chest was inches from her back. Carefully, he slid his arms around her waist and pressed his nose in her hair.

“Please talk to me,” he pleaded in a whisper.

She gripped his arms like their were the only thing holding holding her steady before slowly turning and pulling him close to her as she gripped him tighter.

“No giving up,” she whispered to him. “I'm not going to give up…”

“Neither will I,” he replied, holding onto her as though at any moment he would wake up alone, never having met her. After a moment, he passed a hand over her hair. “Do you wanna go for a walk?”

She nodded, slowly taking a breath and wiping her eyes before looking at him. “Not permanently.”

“What?”

“The wedding, I don't want to stop it permanently…”

He smiled faintly, kissing her forehead firmly and hugging her again. Reaching down, he took her hand, swiping the keycard to their room as he led her out onto the London streets.

They walked together, slowly letting the crisp cold of the London air shock their senses. It felt good.

She was scared to lose him, her heart twisting in every direction. “I'm scared that I'm going to fall out of love with you,” she whispered.

“Why?” he asked softly.

“Because every time I look at you, I see you curled against my stomach, reading it stories, kissing our baby, taking care of our baby and...it makes me not want to be near you.”

He frowned, nodding his head softly and looking up in time to see a familiar bridge. Gently tugging her towards it, he led her into the London Whispering Gallery, where she’d taken him on their first date. Putting her up against one side, he smirked sadly and slowly retreated backwards until he was on the other side.

“This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through,” he admitted in a whisper, knowing she would be able to hear every word. “And I’m...so afraid of losing you...and I’m afraid of losing myself too.”

She closed her eyes and breathed as she nodded, whispering back to him.

“I feel like I somehow failed us both. My body couldn't...I just…” she bit her lip. “I will never let you lose yourself,” she promised.

“You didn’t fail me, mi amor. You could never fail me,” he answered honestly. “This wasn’t your fault. I never once thought it was or ever could be. The midwife even said so, sometimes it just happens...and there isn’t anything either one of us did or didn’t do to cause it.”

“I'm scared to ever try again because I don't know if our relationship could survive another one of these,” she mumbled.

“I think for now, we just focus on making it through this...we won’t try again until we’re ready to, and if and when we do...whatever happens, I’m not going anywhere,” he promised.

She moved to him in quick strides, practically running as she wrapped her legs around his waist and hugged him as tight as she could. Holding her up, he hugged her back, afraid to ever let go.

“I love you so much, Roxanne Hume. Nothing will ever change that,” he said, holding her close.

“I love you, Rafi,” she whispered with a smile. “I love you and I don't ever want to let you go.”

She was scared but some of the veil had lifted, she knew her love for him would prevail. Eventually, it always would. She kissed him, soft brushes of the lips as she nuzzled against his neck.

“I'm really so in love with you.”

“So am I,” he whispered, holding tight to her. “We’re going to get through this,” he added.

He was already beginning to feel a little better, his stomach slowly began to awaken, growling softly for the first time in almost a week.

“Do you wanna go grab something to eat? Something small?” he asked.

She nodded and took his hands as they wandered through the streets together, not quite smiling, but not looking quite as sullen like before. It wasn't huge, but it was a start.

By the evening the kids were in bed, leaving you with the bedroom and the tv. Without sex, you had a lot of time to watch tv and you had to admit that Mob Wives was addicting as fuck. Nevada came in after a few minutes, glancing at the TV and snorting softly.

“Fucking Renee Graziano,” he mumbled, almost to himself.

“You're just in time,” you said with a grin.”Come sit, it's getting good.”

“That broad is nuts,” he mused, taking his boots off and tossing his jacket on the chair in the corner before he took off his shirt and climbed into bed.

You curled up and smiled at him before turning your attention back to the tv. “Yeah, but you always need to have a crazy one,” you said seriously as you grabbed another handful of chips.

“No, I mean she’s really nuts. She’s a spoiled little mafia princess,” he replied.

“You don't say,” you smirked and kissed his jaw once before snuggling in. “What time are we meeting Mr. and Mrs. Smith tomorrow?”

“Eight o’clock at Rivoli’s,” he answered. “Hey, why’d you hang up on me earlier?”

You quirked a brow. “I was late for the doctor, I'm sorry,” you said gently. “I didn't mean to but today was hectic.”

“Alright...sorry, just thought maybe you were mad or something,” he replied. “How’d it go?”

“NJ cried and Fiona bit the nurse, so...better than expected. But they're both very healthy and completely vaccinated.” You rolled off him and onto your side. “I have to get up early for the PTA meeting at Lily’s school.”

He looked at the back of your head for a moment before moving to take off his jeans, dropping them on the floor beside the bed.

“So you’re going to sleep?” he asked.

You turned to him with a smile, “I was but did you need to talk?” You stroked gentle fingers through his hair. “Something on your mind, papi?”

“No, just that I love you,” he replied, smirking.

You leaned in and gave him a gentle peck on the lips. “I love you too,” you whispered with a grin.

“That wasn’t a kiss, what’s the matter? Are you pissed at me?” he asked gently.

Your brows furrowed before you smirked. “You want a real kiss, papi?” You crawled over to him, leaning down and pressing your lips to his, letting the feeling of both of your lips meld together. Slowly you parted his lips with your tongue, tasting him and tugging lightly at his hair before finally pulling away. “Better?”

“Mhm,” he hummed with a smirk, tugging you back down and kissing you again.

You giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck as you deepened the kiss, trailing your fingers up his side but not taking anything further. Wrapping his arm around your waist, his free one grasped your breast, rolling and pinching your nipple.

You couldn't help the tiny moan you made against his mouth as you arched a bit into his touch. You moved your lips to his jaw, gently kissing along it before sucking on his pulse point. Growling against your mouth, he rolled you both over to settle on top of you, grinding his hips against yours as he moved his kisses down the length of your neck, working his way down to first one nipple, then the other.

Your breathing started to grow labored as you tugged a bit more at his hair, gasping as he gave your left nipple a tiny nip.

“Oh god… Nevada,” you whispered, rubbing your legs together as best as you could. You were already embarrassingly wet from how long it had been.

One of his hands moved to wedge between your thighs to push them apart as his mouth worked it’s way down your rib cage, biting you gently.

You giggled and moaned all at once, eyes closed as you tried to push yourself closer to him.

“Mmm, papi…” You used your hands to cover your face as you giggled again. “That kinda tickles,” you whispered when he kissed your ribs.

“Sorry,” he mumbled in a smirk, moving further down until he was kissing and sucking between your legs, groaning as he tasted you for the first time in a long time.

You arched your back, gasping and moaning as your fingers went to his hair again, tugging as you tried to calm your breathing. You wouldn't last long at all if you were already this excited. Your phone rang, but this didn’t stop Nevada’s head from nodding softly between your legs, if anything it seemed to encourage him.

“Nevada,” you panted heavily. “Sh-should I get it?” you whispered as you arched up.

He groaned in response, gripping your hips as he continued to feast on you.

“If you want,” he mumbled, going right back to work.

You panted, taking a breath and looking to see who it was. Seeing it was Izzy, you considered ignoring the call just as Nevada slid a finger inside you.

“Oh god!” You wanted to ignore it but you had to know if the kids had baby sitters for tomorrow.

“H-hello?” you said between short gasps of air.

“Hey, I'm calling to say I can watch the kids...you good?”

“I'm great, just watching tv with Nevada while he finishes his dinner.”  

“Oh, cool...hey, listen, have you heard from Rafi?” Izzy asked as Nevada added a second finger.

“No, no I can't say I have! Why?” You bit your lip.

“I think something’s wrong. He and Roxie just took off. They haven’t been home or called in almost a week,” she answered.

Nevada curled his fingers, sucking a little harder on your clit.

“I'll call him, I have to go now. Love you” You hung up and arched your back as your husband groaned against you, moving his fingers faster inside you.  

You moaned and whimpered as you arched your back, feeling the pressure build inside of you. Moving his digits against your gspot, he doubled the efforts of his tongue on your clit and growled against your sensitive parts.

You came so hard you blacked out for a second, arching your back as a rush of liquid hit his mouth, your body going slack, panting hard.

Groaning softly against you, he licked up the evidence of your orgasm before moving to lay beside you, chin glistening with your fluids.

“What’d Izzy want?” he asked, licking his lips and looking over at you.

You took a shaky breath, “To call my brother,” you said softly. “He's been off with Roxie for a week. I'm gonna call him in the morning.” You leaned over and gave him a kiss, “Do you want me to return the favor?” you whispered.

“You don’t have to,” he answered, kissing you back.

“I want to,” you smiled and kissed down his body. “Fuck I missed tasting you,” you whispered as you reached to his cock, taking him in your hand and licking him from base to tip.

He grunted softly, relaxing back against the pillows behind his head.

You didn't hesitate to take him down all the way bobbing your head and licking him with more enthusiasm than you've had in years. He hummed and arched towards your mouth slightly. Before long however, try as he might to stay focused in the moment, his mind began to drift. Screwing his eyes shut, he doubled his efforts to not let his thoughts wander past was happening below his beltline, one hand moving to the back of your head.

You stroked him with your hand for a moment before taking him back down, watching him and humming around his cock.

Moaning softly, he closed his fist around your hair and began to pant slightly. He opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling while your head bobbed in his lap.

You moved a hand to cup his balls while you licked up his shaft to the tip, letting your tongue lap up the bit of precum leaking from him. You moaned and took his head into your mouth, using your hand to jerk him off while you sucked him.

“Oh fuck,” he growled lowly, closing his eyes again, panting a little harder.

You moaned again, taking him down to the base and swallowing as you let your nose brush against his pubes. He hummed a little, again trying to keep his head in the game, but unable to help it, his mind began to wander again.

You sucked around his cock, swallowing again, as you rolled his balls in your hand. Picking his head up to look down at you for a moment, he rocked his hips towards you to try and inch towards an orgasm, but release seemed so far away.

You tried to keep it up, letting your fingers move to his perineum to rub slow circles.

“Dama, I don’t know if this is gonna happen,” he said after a moment.

You pulled off, looking at him for a long moment, waiting for him to say if he wanted you to continue. You'd go all night if he wanted but you weren't going to blow him if he wasn't feeling it.

“Lo siento, I’m trying pero I can’t fucking focus,” he said with an apologetic look. “It’s not anything you’re doing, my head just won’t stop fucking running.”

You nodded and moved up his body, slowly rubbing his biceps and kissing him.

“It's okay,” you whispered.

He sighed heavily, rubbing a hand over his face in frustration.

“Least I got it up,” he offered with a shrug. “And at least you got yours.”

You looked at him and kissed his skin, reaching a hand down and laying on top of him. “Kiss me,” you whispered gently as you stroked his cock. “Kiss me one more time.”

He looked about to say something, but kissed you instead. You kissed him slow this time, sweet and tender, moving your hand away from his cock and just focusing on kissing him.

“I love you, and every moment I spend with you makes me love you more. I don't care about the sex, or the money, all I want is you. So don't put pressure on yourself,” you whispered. “You have a lot going on, I get that.”

“I love you too,” he mumbled softly. “Sorry my dick won’t cooperate,” he added with a tiny smirk.

You just giggled and shrugged, “I'm sorry for you, at least I got to come.” You snuggled up to him and closed your eyes. “You wanna talk about it?” you offered.

“Do I wanna talk about why I can’t come? Not really,” he replied in a chuckle. “Think I just need to suck it up and talk to Josiah already.”

“I agree,” you said softly and kissed him. “You should talk to him.”

You yawned and rolled off him again onto your side. He stared up at the ceiling, his mind still reeling a million miles a minute.

[raywritesthings]

Arrow and Harry Potter

Arrow

my all-time ultimate fave character: Laurel Lance

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: I hated Quentin at first, and I lot of stuff he did/does I still don’t like but I’ve grown to appreciate his complexity and his dynamics with Laurel and Oliver. Of course now that Laurel’s dead he has like nothing to do so it’s just stupid.

a character I used to like but now don’t: Felicity was cute s1...she got on my nerves pretty quickly after that, though. I hate what Diggle has become. Like just look at him s1 compared to now and it’s just sad. I miss when Diggle was his own character.

a character I’m indifferent about: Can I just say any of the new recruits? Like, I just don’t care about any of them. At all. I didn’t start the show for them, I started for GA and BC, why is this so hard for the showrunners to grasp? I’m also pretty indifferent towards Sara, no lie. She’s just kind of there and then not and then there again. She drifts into the story and out and doesn’t really seem to have all that lasting of an impact. I mean she can literally be plucked from the timeline because she’s apparently of little enough importance history won’t miss her. And it totally undermined the whole “journey” aspect of characters when we met her and she was just insta-badass straight out of her new s2 packaging, now with 100% more blonde, some reshooting required. Maybe if they’d bothered to show her training--but that would have required them to actually show a wlw relationship and not just the angsty post-breakup stage so that wasn’t gonna happen. Like I don’t necessarily hate her but I don’t like her much either. She’s just kind of meh to me.

a character who deserved better: DINAH. LAUREL. LANCE.

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: O/F, Oliver/Sara, and lowkey Nyssa/Sara - Nyssa was always so much more invested than Sara from her first appearance to her last. Like you got her going on and on about her “beloved” and then Sara’s flirting it up and kissing people throughout time and space, the heck am I supposed to do with that? Also I haven’t liked Thea/Roy ever since Roy ditched her after sleeping together and left no forwarding address. Dick move, dude.

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: Lauriver, dear god, the beauty and the tragedy will haunt me forever

a cute, low-key ship: I liked Oliver and McKenna, I won’t lie. Moira and Walter were tragic but precious. Also if Tommy had lived I could’ve seen him and Helena having an interesting thing don’t judge me.

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: Non-canon but I’m gonna go Lauryssa. Also Constantine/Oliver.

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: O/F, when will these writers learn that ship destroyed both those characters

my favourite storyline/moment: I’m in that rare minority that loved s1 so much more than s2. S2′s where it started going wrong, the fridging women left and right, Slade’s shitty motivation for being bad--he’s a mercenary, for fuck’s sake, it does not need to be about a woman he loved and lost, it’s not complicated--retconning the flashbacks left and right, but s1 was so good. Also loved Laurel becoming BC though I never got why the writers needed to start her off at square one when they showed she could fight the previous two seasons.

a storyline that never should have been written: Basically the entire s4 plot. Magic and nukes are not GA’s thing. Also killing BC on a GA show is such bs. Real GA would have rather seen himself killed first.

my first thoughts on the show: Ok, this is interesting! The fight scenes are good, I want to see how these characters become more like their comic book counterparts.

my thoughts now: Well that sucked.

HP

my all-time ultimate fave character: Oh man, how can you do this to me? TOO MANY, OKAY? I HAVE TOO MANY.

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: Dudley is so much more interesting after book 7. I like the idea that he finally started to realize that his parents and their abuse towards Harry was shit. I know JKR decided to not give Dudley a magic child in the epilogue, but I wish she had. It would have been so nice to see Dudley break the cycle of abuse in the Dursley family once and for all by loving and supporting his kid no matter what.

a character I used to like but now don’t: I don’t know if I dislike him necessarily but I definitely don’t like him the way I used to as a kid - okay, yeah, it’s Dumbledore. I mean he is soooo complex, and that’s a good thing. But a lot of the stuff he did? Not cool.

a character I’m indifferent about: Basically a lot of the OCs that masquerade in fics as barely-mentioned students. It’s fine if you wanna use them, but it’s weird to me when people start purporting their characterizations of them as fact if that makes sense? To that end, I’m also mostly indifferent about all the next gen kids with the exception of Teddy (there’s just a lot there to his character that would be so interesting to unpack - why was Cursed Child not about Teddy Lupin with a better plot gdi).

a character who deserved better: So many characters tbh. Ginny Weasley deserved better from both JKR and all y’all. JKR promised an awesome moment having to do with her being the seventh child of a seventh child (Arthur) and then never delivered. Fandom is shitty to her because she gets in the way of their ships (like especially H/HR and H/D shippers seem to love to demonize a teenage girl in their fics, just saying) and because they seem to think Hermione is enough female rep which is such bs. Ron also deserves soooooo much better from fandom. So, so much better. Hagrid deserved to have one of Harry’s kids named after him. Sirius Black just deserved a better life. Snape deserved not to be abused as a child. Harry deserved like basically everything better. The Weasleys deserved not to be poor - do you see where I’m coming from here???

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: A lot of the non-canon ones (H/HR - she’s like a SISTER to him, he LITERALLY SAYS; H/D - It’s implied in that bathroom fight scene Draco was about to use the CRUCIATUS CURSE like WTF also he’s just kinda shitty to Harry and his friends almost the entire series just saying). Obviously if you wanna write AUs where things are completely different, that’s up to you, but they’re just not for me.

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: Jily, Hinny, Romione

a cute, low-key ship: Deanmus is the gay/bi rep we deserved, not unhealthy and possibly one-sided Dumbledore/Grindelwald. I feel like in book 5 at least Luna might’ve had a thing for Ron which is kind of adorable. Although I also like Ginny/Luna. Also I lowkey think Harry might’ve had a crush on both Cho and Cedric at the same time. Teenage years suck.

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: I mean Romione seems to be unpopular with a lot of fandom but I love it so sucks to suck

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: I’m pretty much ok on all the canon ships. I mean I wish JKR hadn’t tried to push this whole “Snape loved Lily” thing. More like “Snape was obsessed with Lily and never got over her”.

my favourite storyline/moment: ahhhhh I don’t know, maybe Ron coming back to save Harry and destroy the Horcrux.his insecurities? Such a great moment for his character, and his and Harry’s friendship. I also just love how Harry’s whole outlook on life completely brightened up in HBP during the time he was dating Ginny. It was so lovely to see him happy for once. And I love all of book three, it is my favorite. Also the Moody-is-really-Barty Jr. twist remains one of the greatest of All Time and the movies ruined it but I digress.

a storyline that never should have been written: Like I’m not saying it shouldn’t have been written, I just don’t like how Snape’s backstory has given rise to this idea that he did Nothing Wrong, Ever and it was Lily’s fault for ending the friendship that he turned to the Dark Side. Like fuck off, he was already there and it was not her job to be his “savior” when he sure as hell didn’t want saved. Also all the movies. Damn you, Kloves.

my first thoughts on the show books: This is such a great story and world! I love the characters and I can’t wait to see what happens next! (or something along those lines - I was young, okay?)

my thoughts now: While there’s certainly plenty of issues (lack of rep for many marginalized groups, for example) it still holds up as a really strong series. Must resist temptation to begin yet another reread.

[chyemmi-chimi]

@helena-hikari let’s talk about how Hakuryuu will react when he see Hakuei finally awake! :)

As much as I wanna say it’ll be a happy little reunion between them where everyone is smiles and relief, I personally think it’ll be the opposite. The last time Hakuryuu and Hakuei were together, they broke out into an argument which left them on the opposite ends of the field. That, on top of how Hakuryuu at one point was ready to kill his sister simply because she was against his ideals, I imagine he will be very conflicted and ridden with guilt.

If anything, he might try to avoid her for some time until he believes both are ready to settle the tension and conflict between themselves. However, as Hakuryuu is also one who tries to be more honest with himself and others (now), and wants to mend his relationships with others and atone for what he’s done, he may also immediately try to talk with her.

I don’t know, honestly. This is one of those scenarios that could go in many different ways.

Personally, I lean more towards him being anxious, guilty, and lost on how to approach the topic that got them into that situation. Of course, he would be relieved to know that she’s alright, but he’d also be worried that Arba could get her again, which could also add to his uncertainty on how to talk with her. He might apologize and say a few words here and there, but afterwards would stay back and observe her and others to help figure out a way to confront her on everything. 

Okay I’m gonna break here because I just reread your comment and realized you’re asking for reaction, not the whole scenario to this. So to answer that, his reaction would be relief, definitely! But again, uncertainty and guilt. As to his next action after she awakens, that can go in many different ways, especially if Arba taking over her body leaves her affected in certain ways. 

But please, I’d love to know how you think he’d react to her awakening.