#i wanna look inside her brain and shake it around like snow globe

[a-confused-wizard]

"Be good to your wives, give them what they need. And the kingdom of heaven will be at hand" - Good old Revs Putty

[vanillacaramelhoney]

Different (4)

Pairing(s): Five Hargreeves x Reader

Summary: YN leaned over to whisper to Five. "I like him."

Warnings: Mentions of doing the deed 😏, uhhh some violence?

A/N: I absolutely love Klaus and his dramatics

Will this post show up in tags? Who knows

Masterlist

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The Meritech building was modern, as expected for such a big company. Walls lined with windows gave a great view of the city outside while also allowing natural light inside. Nearly everything was white, giving the place a cold and sterile feel to it.

Five and YN waited a while for the building to open before they could finally go in. As they waited, Five had filled her in on the importance of the eye.

"Can I help you, kids?"

Turning back around, Five and YN saw a man dressed in a white lab coat with identification wrapped around his neck.

Five took the lead, stepping forward and holding the eye up. "We need to know who this belongs to."

YN stood right to the side of him.

"Where did you get that?" the man asked.

"What do you care?" Trying not to sigh, YN poked Five's back as a way to tell him to say something better. "We found it. At a playground, actually. Must have just-" Five clicked his tongue "-popped out." Five smiled up at the man, while YN bit the inside of her cheek, resisting a laugh.

"I wanna return it to its rightful owner," Five explained.

"Oh, what a thoughtful young man," the receptionist awed.

"Yeah, look up the name for me, will ya?" he asked her.

"Uh, I'm sorry, but patient records are strictly confidential," the man told him. "That means I can't tell you-"

"Yeah, I know what it means," Five stopped him.

"I can tell you what I can do. I'll take the eye off your hands and return it to the owner. I'm sure he or she will be very grateful, so if I can just-"

"Yeah, you're not touching this eye," Five snapped.

"Now you listen here, young man-" before he could continue, Five had the collar of his coat in his hands, pulling him down to his eye level.

YN let out a sigh, innocently glancing away from the scene.

"No, you listen to me, asshole," he spat. "We've come a long way for this, through some shit your pea brain couldn't even comprehend, so just give me the information we need, and we'll be on our merry way. And if you call me 'young man' one more time, I'm gonna put your head through that damn wall."

"Oh, dear," the receptionist's voice wavered. YN sent a smile her way.

"Call security."

The woman picked up the phone and quickly dialed. Recognizing defeat, Five let the man go with a shove.

Vanya let out a sigh at the sight of her brother. "Oh, thank god." He glanced back at her. "I was worried sick about you."

"Sorry I left without saying goodbye," he apologized, turning to her.

"No, look, I'm the one that should be sorry," Vanya said. "I was dismissive, and I guess I didn't know how to process what you were saying. And I still can't, to be honest."

"Maybe you were right to be dismissive," Five said. "Maybe it wasn't real, after all. It felt real. Well, like you said, the old man did say time travel could contaminate the mind."

"Then maybe I'm not the right person for you to be talking to," Vanya told him. "Look, I used to see someone. A therapist. I could give you her information."

"Thanks, but," Five trailed off for a second, "I think I'm just gonna get some rest. It's been a long time since I've had a good sleep."

"Okay," Vanya said. "And your friend- is she alright?"

"Yeah, she's around here somewhere."

"Alright." Vanya left the room after one final look at Five.

He followed after her to make sure she left, and the wardrobe door came open, two figures crawling out and unintentionally pulling stuff out with them.

"That's so," Klaus trailed off as he stumbled up, as did YN. "...touching. All that stuff about Dad and time. Wow!"

"Did you have to shove me in there with you?" YN asked Klaus.

"Would you two shut up?" Five hissed. "She'll hear you!"

"I'm moist," Klaus played, patting YN's back.

"I thought I told you to put on something professional," Five said, gesturing to Klaus's outfit.

"What?" Klaus asked. "This is my nicest outfit."

Five sighed. "We'll raid the old man's closet."

"Whatever, as long as I get paid." YN snorted.

"When the job is done."

They trailed out of the room together.

"Okay, but just so we're clear on the finer details," Klaus said, bringing them all to a stop, "I just gotta go into this place and pretend to your guy's dear old dad, correct?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"What's our cover story?"

"What?" YN asked. "Why would we need a cover story?"

"Well, I mean, was I like really young when I had you guys?" Klaus went in. "Like 16? Like, young and terribly misguided?"

"Sure," Five agreed, wanting the conversation to be over.

"Your mother, that slut." YN tried to hold back her laugh but failed. "Whoever she was. We met at..." he trailed off in thought before a fond smile spread across his face, "the disco. Okay? Remember that."

Klaus snapped his fingers. "Oh, my god, the sex was amazing."

"What a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain," Five said, turning and grabbing YN's hand. He led her down the stairs as Klaus said something about time-out.

YN leaned over to whisper to Five. "I like him."

"Of course, you do."

"Like I said to your kids earlier, any information about the prosthetics we build is strictly confidential," the man Five and YN had dealt with not long again spoke to Klaus now, who sat across from him. "Without the client's consent, I simply can't help you."

"Well, we can't get consent if you don't give us a name," Five told him, leaning on the desk.

"Well, that's not my problem," he said. "Sorry. Now, there's really nothing more I can do, so-" "And what about my consent?"

The three looked to Klaus, confused.

"Excuse me?"

"Who gave you permission...," Klaus trailed off before continuing to speak with an edge of pain to his voice, "to lay your hands...on my kids?" He pointed up at Five, who stared down at him in confusion.

The man across from them seemed just as confused.

"What?" the three asked.

"You heard me."

"I didn't touch your children."

"Oh, really?" Klaus asked. "Well, how did he get that swollen lip, then?" He sat up in his chair.

Both YN and the man tried to question him on Five's lack of swollen lip. Klaus, however, was one step ahead, standing from the chair and swinging at Five.

The man stared in shock, and YN bit her lip to keep herself from doing anything.

"And her?" Klaus pointed back at YN, who's eyes widened as she realized it was her turn. "That bloody nose."

YN sighed, bracing herself.

Klaus's fist collided with her nose, and she stumbled back with a shout. Blood slowly dripped from her nose and down her face, falling onto the floor.

For someone that looked as scrawny as he was, Klaus sure did pack a punch.

Five was by her side in an instant to make sure she was alright.

Klaus inhaled sharply, turning to him. "I want it. Name, please. Now."

"You're crazy," the man pointed at him.

Klaus chuckled. "You've got no idea." He glanced down at the snow globe on the desk, picking it up. "'Peace on Earth.' That's so sweet."

In a quick motion, he smashed the snow globe on his head, groaning out in pain.

The three jumped, startled, as Klaus let out a howl of pain.

"God, that hurt." His face was wet, glitter in his hair and blood dripping down his face.

The man quickly picked up the phone, mentioning security. Klaus ripped the phone from his hand.

"What are you doing?"

Klaus gasped into the phone. "There's been an assault in Mr. Big's office, and we need security now," he said. "Schnell!" He let the receiver clatter onto the desk and looked up at the man.

"Now here's what's gonna happen, Grant," Klaus said.

"It's...Lance."

"In about sixty seconds, two security guards are gonna burst through that door, and they're gonna see a whole lot of blood, and they're gonna wonder 'What the hell happened?'"

Five looked at Lance, a smug look on his face.

"He really knows what he's doing," YN muttered to him. Five glanced back at her.

"And we're gonna tell them that you...," Klaus trailed off as a look of sorrow spread across his face, and a whimpering tone took over his voice, "beat the shit out of us." He let out a dramatic sob that turned into a sigh.

"You're gonna do great in prison, Grant," Klaus told him. "Trust me, I've been there. A little piece of chicken like you, oh, my god, you're gonna get passed around like a..." the man trailed off as he began rotating his hips in a circular motion. He quickly waved off the thought. "You're just- you're gonna do great. That's all I'm saying."

"Jesus, you're a real sick bastard," Lance said, looking between the other two before staring up at Klaus.

"Thank you." He spit out a shard of glass.

Lance picked through the documents with shaky hands with the three watching him closely.

He pulled out a file and opened it, sending an uncertain glance at Klaus.

"Huh, that's strange," he said.

"What?" Five and YN asked.

"The eye," Lance explained. "It hasn't been purchased by a client yet."

Klaus dropped off the surface and landed next to him. "What? What do you mean?"

"Well, uh, our logs say that," he trailed off a moment to glance at Klaus, who walked around him as an intimidation tactic, "the eye with that serial number... This can't be right. It hasn't even been manufactured yet. Where did you get that eye?"

He looked at the two across from him in bewilderment.

Five sighed with a subtle shake of his head.

It was quiet for a moment before YN finally broke it.

"Do you have any tissues?"

"Well, this is not good." The three walked out of the building in defeat once again.

"I was pretty good, though, right?" Klaus asked. "Yeah, what about my consent, bitch?" He let out a wild chuckle.

"Yeah, you were great, Klaus," YN agreed, "but did you have to give a bloody nose? Jesus." She dropped down on the steps of the building, holding a bundle of tissues to her still dripping nose.

"Look, it doesn't matter," Five injected.

"What? What? What's the big deal with this eye, anyway?" Klaus questioned.

"There is someone out there that is going to lose an eye in the next seven days," Five told him. "They're gonna bring about the end of the world as we know it."

"It's a pretty big deal," YN added.

"Yeah, can I get that twenty bucks like, now, or?" YN groaned in annoyance.

"You can't be serious, Klaus."

"Your twenty bucks?" Five asked.

"Yeah, my twenty bucks."

"The apocalypse is coming, and all you can think about is getting high?" Five seethed.

"Well, I'm also quite hungry. Tummy's a-rumblin'." He imitated his stomach, adding in weird hand motions.

"You're useless," Five said. "You're all useless."

"Five," YN warned.

"Oh, come on, you need to lighten up, old man!"

Five ignored him, opting to sit down by YN.

"Hey, I just now realized why you're so uptight- you must be horny as hell," Klaus laughed out, joining Five's side. "All those years- did the two of you never go at it, or something? That would be mind-blowing. Surely you'd crack at some point. Besides, don't think I didn't notice those rings."

YN hid her face in her free hand, trying to hide in embarrassment.

"You don't need to hear about all the things we've done," Five grumbled.

"Oh, so you've done a lot?"

"Oh, my god," YN drawled.

"I bet you say that to him a lot." YN looked away in disbelief.

"You know, you guys sure have been together a long time," Klaus said. "God, the longest I've been with someone was three weeks, and that's only because I was so tired of looking for a place to sleep."

"Can we leave?" YN whispered to Five.

The boy grabbed her hand, and they jumped into a taxi.

The driver looked back at them, startled.

"Don't stop," Five told him. "Just keep driving."

----Taglist

@fancytravelerbird​ @megasimpleplan4ever​ @yikes-matey​ @we-all-are-strange​

[sinsiriuslyemo]

Hello everyone!! I hope you’re enjoying The Santa Clause as much as I’m having fun writing it! I know these first few chapters aren’t very SVU-like but stick with me, it’s coming. And oh boy, will it come! Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged in this story!

4.

Scanning the area, Rafael could see nothing but mountains of snow, the only light was that of the moon and he stood in the sleigh, trying to see over a particular snow pile. There was nothing; just a sea of white, with more flakes falling from above. Looking behind him, he could see a small hint of pinks and oranges near the edges of the sky, as if the sun had just set.

Had they really been flying that long?

“Is this okay, Rafael?” Noah asked from his seat, and Rafael looked back at him, as if suddenly remembering that he was there.

“No it’s not okay,” he replied, turning his eyes back to the reindeer. “Hey! Does this look like the Upper West Side to you?!” he exclaimed.

The reindeer didn’t seem to pay him any mind, running forward and pulling the reins out of Rafael’s loose grip.

“Hey! Where are you going? Come back here!” he shouted, but it was in vain. They were already disappearing in the distance. Tightening the coat around himself, he groaned and sat down beside Noah.

Dear god, what was he supposed to do now? He didn’t even know where they were, let alone how to get to Manhattan. Looking down at Noah, he could see the look of slight fear in the boys eyes, and he resolved to keep his composure for the youngsters sake. For a moment they sat in silence, Noah looking around nervously and Rafael racking his brain for a solution to their predicament.

Then, crunching. Soft crunching of the foot sinking into snow variety, and Rafael looked around for the source of the sound, seeing a small figure walking towards them. Thank god.

“Hey! Excuse me, sir!” he called out as the person walked closer to the sleigh, coming to a small pile of snow a couple feet in front of them.

Rafael now could make out that it was a small boy, just a few years older than Noah maybe, and he furrowed his brows as the boy took off his gloves, rubbing his hands together to keep some warmth in them before he reached into the pile of white dust at his feet.

“Can you hear me?” Rafael called out, watching as a glass ball that sat atop a red and white pole slowly emerged from the snow. Leaning towards Noah, eyes still on the boy ahead, he whispered, “What’s that?”

“I don’t know,” Noah answered. “I think it’s the North Pole.”

Rafael turned his gaze to the boy beside him. “That’s the North Pole?” he asked incredulously before turning his attention back to the boy in the snow. “Excuse me, sir, we need your help!” he called as the boy touched the side of the pole, and something thin slid out from the center. “What are you doing?” Rafael asked as the boy leaned over and appeared to be punching in some sort of code.

The sleigh jerked, and Rafael held a hand out to Noah as the sleigh began to descend to a source of light and warmth below them.

“Sit back, Noah,” Rafael said as they came into a large room with dozens of children walking around. It appeared to be a barn of sorts, though unlike any other barn Rafael had ever seen in his life--and he hadn’t seen very many to begin with, being born and raised in the city.

Finally, when they reached the bottom, Rafael scanned the room, seeing the reindeer in open stables, being groomed and fed by...children. He didn't see any adults at all, just children. What was this place?

“Where are all the grown ups?” he asked no one in particular.

“This is so cool!” Noah cooed, and Rafael turned to look at him.

“Stay right here, I’m gonna try to figure out what’s going on,” he said before getting out of the sleigh. “Excuse me, kid,” he said, stopping one of the children walking by with a bale of hay. “Who’s in charge here?”

“You are,” the child answered, dressed in a long sweater and and a Santa hat that sat over his pointy ears. “And I’m not a kid. I have pointy shoes that are older than you, I’m an elf.”

The child began to walk away, and Rafael followed, evidently not satisfied with the answer he’d received.

“Listen, who gives the orders? Who’s your boss?”

“You are.”

“No, no, no. Who’s the head elf?” Rafael tried again.

“You are!”

“Hey! What’s causing all the trouble around here?” a second child, a lot older than the rest--maybe fifteen--asked as he came up to them.

“He is,” both Rafael and the elf answered simultaneously, one pointing to the other.

“Excuse me,” the teen replied, narrowing his eyes at the elf. “Are we on a coffee break?”

“We don’t drink coffee,” the elf answered, and Rafael arched a brow.

Who didn’t drink coffee? It practically ran through the ADA’s veins by nature.

“Then I guess the break is over. Back to work, thanks,” the teenager said sternly, and the little elf rolled his eyes and walked away.

“Take it easy on him, will you? He’s just a kid,” Rafael mused. “Who are you?” he asked, wondering if he had a case of child abuse, and whether this teenager had some sort of criminal history. A name would make getting some background on him much easier once he got back to the city.

“I’m Bernard. Nice to meet you, Santa,” the teen answered before he began to walk past Rafael.

“I am not Santa!” Rafael exclaimed. “And I’ve had a rough night, I’ve been almost shot at, scrutinized by dozens of kids. Look, my back is killing me, have you ever tried to shove a canoe down a chimney? I’m tired of--”

“The other Santa disappeared right?” Bernard asked, looking back at Rafael with a smirk. Before the older man could give an answer, the teenager again began to walk away.

The ADA’s face fell. “Wait a minute. I know where you’re going with this. The man fell, that wasn’t my fault. It was an accident. I have homeowners insurance and a Harvard law degree…”

Bernard didn’t even seem to be listening to him and Rafael jogged to catch up with the teenager, reaching out to him with one hand.

“Hold it, hold it. How did you know the other guy was gone?” he asked suspiciously.

Was he being framed? He remembered Liv telling him once that someone had tried to frame her for murder, even going as far as to manufacture her DNA to make it as convincing as possible.

“Can I get you a drink?” Bernard asked, appearing the be slightly annoyed.

“No, I don’t want a drink,” Rafael snipped back.

“I’m thirsty, and hungry too!” he heard from behind him and looked over his shoulder to see Noah walking towards he and Bernard.

“Noah, I thought I told you to stay in the sleigh.”

“Who’s this?” Bernard asked, his tone suddenly becoming more friendly, and Rafael regarded him for a moment.

“This is my good friend’s son, Noah. Noah this is um…”

“Bernard.”

“Right.”

“Hi Bernard,” Noah said, reaching out a hand.

“Hiya sport,” Bernard replied, shaking the little boy’s hand. “Hey, you know what? I got something for you. Hold out your hand.”

Rafael groaned, rolling his eyes and moving to lean up against a door with a shiny sign above it that read, BallRoom.

“Now, be very careful,” Bernard said, reaching into the satchel at his side. “This is very old, just like me,” he added, handing Noah an antique snow globe.

“Wow,” Noah whispered, looking at the gift.

“Shake it up, Noah,” Bernard suggested with a soft smile, watching as Noah gently shook the globe to make the white flakes swirl inside, giving the appearance of snow.

Suddenly the boy’s eyes lit up as he watched the ball intently, and Rafael arched a brow. How magical could a snow globe possibly be?

“Whoa,” Noah said softly, looking back up to Bernard.

“Why don’t you hold onto it for me for a while?” Bernard suggested. “It might come in handy.”

“Thanks,” Noah replied with a smile. “Thanks alot. I promise I’ll take real good care of it.”

“Make sure you do.”

“I will. Rafael, look!” Noah exclaimed, bounding up to the older man and holding up the gift as Rafael looked down at it.

“Lovely,” he muttered, turning his attention back to the teenager. “So, tell me; can we take a direct flight back to reality, or will we have to change planes in Denver?”

“Hey Larry, take Noah here and get him some chow,” Bernard said, ignoring Rafael’s question.

“No, Larry, don’t do that,” Rafael began to protest as Noah ran past him towards another kid. “Noah!”

“He’ll be okay,” Bernard assured him. “Follow me, you’ll wanna get out of those clothes,” he added, turning and walking down the hallway.

“Look, I just wanna go home,” Rafael called after him, following the teenager and walking past columns in the shape of candy canes.

This place was like FAO Schwarz on crack, and Rafael jogged to shorten the distance between himself and Bernard.

“Listen to me, I am not Santa Clause!” he exclaimed just as they came to a large room, inside of which there were hundreds of toys, and children making them. A train filled with dolls and action figures slid along a set of tracks that circled the entire room, and the buzz of conversation and diligence was in the air. Rafael’s eyes widened, his feet stopping as he took in the activity.

“Did you or did you not read the card?” Bernard asked, not having stopped his stride and Rafael moved to catch up with him again.

“Yes, I read the card--”

“Then you’re the new Santa,” Bernard answered, moving to grab a cookie and walking back towards Rafael. “In putting on the hat and jacket, you accepted the contract.”

“What contract?”

“The card in the Santa suit, you said you read it, right?” Bernard inquired, handing the cookie to the older man, who nodded his head. “So when you put on the suit, you feel subject to the Santa clause.”

“The Santa clause? You mean the guy that fell off my fire escape?”

“No, no, not Santa Clause, the person. Santa clause, the clause,” Bernard answered, beginning to walk again, Rafael followed.

“Excuse me?”

Bernard sighed heavily, stopping and turning to face the older man. “Look, you’re a lawyer right?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, a clause as in the last line of a contract.”

Rafael furrowed his brows, taking a bite of the cookie he’d been given. He didn’t remember ever signing or even seeing a contract.

“You got the card?” Bernard exclaimed impatiently, causing Rafael to jump as he reached into his pants pocket for the card and handed it over. “Okay, look,” Bernard said as he held up the card behind one of the magnifying glasses that was perched on the workbench beside them.

It was then that Rafael could see the lettering that once looked like a simply border etched along the perimeter of the card.

“The Santa clause,” Bernard read. “In putting on this suit and entering the sleigh, the wearer waves any and all rights to any previous identity, real or implied, and fully accepts the duties, responsibilities and commitments of Santa Clause in perpetuity until such time that wearer becomes unable to do so by either accident or design.”

“What?!” Rafael exclaimed, snatching the card away and holding it close to his face.

“It means, you put on the suit, you’re the big guy,” Bernard answered, beginning to walk away.

“I don’t believe this! I didn’t put on the suit with the intention of--”

“TRY TO UNDERSTAND THIS!!” Bernard shouted impatiently as he abruptly turned back to face Rafael, and the workers gasped, continuing their work as Bernard planted a smile on his face and made his way to the older man, pulling him along. “Let me explain something to you, okay? Toys have to be delivered, I’m not gonna do it, it’s not my job. I’m just an elf. It’s Santa’s job, but Santa fell off a fire escape. Your fire escape. You read the card, you put on the suit, that clearly falls under the Santa clause. So now you’re Santa, okay?”

“Question.”

“What?”

“When can I get outta here?”

“Rafael! You gotta see this place!” Noah exclaimed as he jogged towards Rafael and Bernard.

“You leave tomorrow morning, you have eleven months to get your affairs in order and you’re due back here Thanksgiving,” Bernard replied.

“I’m not coming back here on Thanksgi--”

“I’ll ship the list to your house,” Bernard said through clenched teeth.

“What list?!”

“Come on,” Bernard replied softly. “The list.”

Rafael arched a brow, still unsure as to what the teenager was referring to, and he shrugged his shoulders.

Bernard rolled his eyes. “He’s making a list…”

“Checking it twice…” Noah sang loudly.

“And gonna find out who’s naughty or nice!” the workers chimed in a chorus.

“Ugh,” Bernard groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose before he looked up at Rafael again. “You put a P next to the kids who are nice, and a C next to the naughty ones.”

“P and C?”

“Yeah,” Noah replied. “P for present, C for coal. Right, Bernard?”

“Right,” Bernard answered with a smile at the boy before he turned to continue walking.

“Wait a minute. How will I know who’s good and bad?”

“You’ll know,” Bernard groaned, not stopping his stride.

“What if I don’t wanna do this,” Rafael said, effectively gaining Bernards attention.

“Don’t even kid about a thing like that,” the teenager answered, coming to stand toe to toe with Rafael.

“Why not?” Rafael challenged. “What if I don’t buy into this Santa nonsense? What if I choose not to believe it?”

In an instant it became eerily quiet as all eyes in the room turned to him, and Rafael suddenly felt very exposed, looking back at all the kids in the workshop.

“Then there would be millions of disappointed children around the world,” Bernard answered softly. “You see, children hold the spirit of Christmas within their hearts. You wouldn’t want to be responsible for killing the spirit of Christmas, now would you?” Bernard asked, arching a brow at the older man as he added, “Santa.”

He began to walk towards a staircase that led to a lower level of the workshop.

“Sunny will take you to your room. Get out of the suit, it needs to be cleaned.”

“And taken in,” Rafael called out.

“Then get some sleep, we’ve got a lot of work to do and only a year in which to do it,” Bernard said.