#i wanna know what barnabas is thinking so bad

[baconplasm]

sorry (?)

[foxingpeculiar]

Ff16 blogging: doin’ shit before going to Origin. So, spoilers for basically everything but the ending.

Okay, IIRC, I left off after Barnabas kidnapped Jill. So I tracked him down and fought him—the whole “Odin splitting the ocean” was pretty cool, I gotta admit. Then Clive and Jill (finally) had some sexytime on a beach and I got the Shiva skills, which are pretty cool, but I don’t feel like they’re the best for my build/how I’m currently playing. More on that in a minute.

Medicine Girl—Kihel—finally did something plot-relevant in saving Dion. It seems like that might be it? I dunno. I wanna analyze this game more thoroughly once I know how it ends.

Finally though, after Ultima’s little tour through the Dimensional Rift, I finally feel like I have a real grasp on the situation, or at least its basic core: who wants what, the ideological stakes, etc. I’m still curious about what Ultima is, exactly—it said it came from some other place to Valisthea and that it once had a “fleshly body,” so it must’ve been something mortal/physical at some point. Are they gonna address that? What happened with the Fallen and the Final Sin? It’s mostly in focus now, but not completely.

The run through Waloed was fine. I like that Gav has a girlfriend now, apparently (which is another very GoT touch—Jon’s scholar friend and the wildling girl). Barnabas (again) was a bit of a challenge but not that bad. And then I got Odin.

So I’m currently rocking Phoenix/Bahamut/Odin. Cos both Rising Flames and Flames of Rebirth are handy attacks for either a quick punch or to clear a room. Then… I forget the name of it, but the one that sends out orbs that attack enemies for a minute—that attack is great for stacking damage, and the number of times I’ve shouted “Gigaflare, bitch!” at enemies has been very satisfying, and it recharges quick for an ultimate. (Plus, Megaflare is also useful for room clearing). Odin has taken me a little bit to figure out how to use effectively, but I think I’m getting it now.

But damn, both before and after Drake’s Spine, it’s fuckin’ sidequest city out here. Gotta go around and put a little button on everyone. I’m doin’ em all, but it’s kinda killing the tension. When I finish, I’ll post some overall critical thoughts cos… yeah, I have some (both good and bad).

Random, smaller observations:

I wanted the bit with the scales and finding the clue in the Orchestrion to be like… an RE style puzzle. Remember when JRPGs had actual puzzles?

Should’ve guessed Harbard was a thrall, what with the name Slepnir.

I guess we’re not going to Ran’Dellah? Or the Northern Territories? Maybe they’re saving that for DLC?

I love that, when you lose to Odin/Barnabas in the ocean, you get the boss victory music, but instead of “_____ slain” or whatever, it says “Clive Bested.” Like, “Congratulations! You got your ass handed to you!”

After like 4 quests about how we have to take care of Blackthorne’s feelings, I’m starting to think we should get him a therapist.

“How come her nut hasn’t cracked?” —Gav being sensitive as ever.

WHY is Leviathan lost? Like that doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that should be able to happen. And why is Phoenix not part of the whole mural/Circle of Malleum business?

Have cleared everything that’s showed up on the hunt board. Is there gonna be a crazy last one? Where is my superboss, dagnabit! *bangs fists on desk* Although, I have encountered some doors I can’t open (there’s one on the way to Barnabas’s tower, and one in Stonhyr itself, at least), so maybe there’s hope?

Anyway, all that’s left is to finish the 4 or so more sidequests in the hideaway, then the Alliant Reports from… around. And then go do the thing.

[ejzah]

And now you should write a little fic/drabble about your last discussion concerning Densi ahah (that's a joke of course, even if I would read it with pleasure). signed: a huge fan of your stories 😘

A/N: This was in reference to a conversation started by @ryan9098 and @glenncoco4 about whether or not Densi crossed the line again between “Recover/Frozen Lake” and “Humbug”. I’m of the firm opinion that they got up close and personal with that line, but ultimately did not breach it again.

I’ve written a few stories on this theme before, one quite recently, so I will attempt to make this somewhat unique. This one starts out quite lighthearted and then turns decidedly mature before moving on to angst.

***

When the Boundaries are All But Gone

“Hey, you wanna come over later?” Deeks asks Kensi, stopping by his desk while she finishes packing up her back. He keeps his voice casual, fingers loose on the band of his own bag. Nothing to see her. Just two coworkers, partners, enjoying each other’s company in their off time.

He feels like they’re being scrutinized anyway. Ever since Kensi came “back” from Afghanistan, everything feels on edge, a little off, new…weird. In a way that is totally foreign to them and their partnership.

Deeks tells himself it’s because she was gone so long and has nothing to do with what happened right before Kensi left. It’s something that they don’t really talk about and Deeks, not willing to risk fracturing their relationship, doesn’t push. At the very least, Kensi doesn’t seem as set on isolating herself like she was at first.

“Only if you buy me food,” Kensi replies, predictably. It’s good and normal and Deeks find himself grinning at the wonderful sureness of Kensi Blye’s appetite. She grabs her phone and keys, tucking them into her pocket as she moves in front of her desk, falling into step beside him.

“I think I have some leftover from the other day,” he teases. As expected, Kensi immaculately shakes her head.

“Oh, not a chance. I want sushi, the good kind.”

“But that’s all the way across town.”

“And I’m your damn partner, who you like to keep happy,” Kensi reminds him, lightly punching his arm. She gives him a pleading look, the one she knows he never can turn down. “And I’ll bring ice cream for dessert.

Deeks rolls his eyes, like he was ever planning on not getting Kensi everything her heart desires.

“Fine, I will drive 45 minutes in LA traffic to get you sushi,” he agrees and Kensi does a little happy dance that has him pressing his lips together to keep a giant grin back. “Oh geez, not the bulgogi dance again?”

“Nope, this is the sushi dance,” Kensi informs him, giving her shoulders an extra wiggle. “It’s completely different. I’ll meet you at your place at 7.”

***

“Wait, didn’t this guy die?” Deeks asks, face screwed up in a frown as he watches the man on-screen open his mouth dramatically, displaying pointed canines. Kensi had stumbled upon the marathon of some 60’s gothic soap opera and excitedly suggested they watch it. It was fairly ridiculous, but at 6 half hour episodes in, Deeks is oddly hooked.

“No, remember Barnabas bit him and then didn’t get a chance to kill him properly, so he turned into a vampire,” Kensi explains patiently. The remnants of their meal are spread out over his coffee table, though Kensi’s still nibbling at some edamame, a beer bottle cradled by her thigh.

“Ok, that’s the worst fake blood I’ve ever seen.” Deeks snorts at the plasticky pool of red liquid trailed across the floor.

“Hey, they’re practical effects,” Kensi defends it quickly. “And it’s not that bad.”

“Yes, it is,” Deeks insists, just as a superimposed hand appears on screen, and the lone actor in the scene begins to choke, grasping at his throat. Unable to help himself, Deeks bursts out laughing, glancing over at Kensi. Her lips are pressed together, but as soon as she catches his eye, her shoulders start shaking with silent laughter.

Covering her mouth with her hand, Kensi tips sideways, head landing on his chest. It continues on for several minutes, long after the scene has ended. He wipes at his eyes, one hand having found a place in the dip of Kensi’s waist. She’s all but curled up on his lap and when she turns her head, cheeks still dimpled with a giant grin.

Staring down at her, Deeks brushes a few strands of loose hair off her cheek and suddenly the amusement in her eyes changes, tinted with with something darker. And just as suddenly, he is blatantly aware of the way Kensi is curled around him. Her lips part.

“Deeks,” she murmurs, fingers reaching towards his hair, letting it fall before she makes contact. Then she tips her chin, arching up against him, and she’s kissing him.

Deeks gasps into her mouth, hands tightening on her waist, her hips. It’s exactly like he remembers. Maybe better. He flicks his tongue across Kensi’s bottom lip and she whimpers softly, fingers curling into his hair, like she can’t help herself.

In a few seconds, Kensi’s straddling him, knees gripping his thighs, fingers clasping the back of his skull to hold him ever more firmly against her. His pulse is pounding in his ears as he catches quick breathes in between desperate kisses. One hand creeps beneath the hem of Kensi’s shirt to brush over the delightfully warm skin of her back.

Kensi moves encouragingly against him, tugging at his clothes until he’s bare-chested and his jeans are spread wide open. He drags Kensi’s shirt over her head, unhooks her bra with her encouragement, taking several moments to appreciate the newly exposed skin.

He hooks his arm under her leg, hitching it over his hip, and Kensi arches into him. Her hands shaking slightly as she slips her hands to between them, shoving his pants off his hips. Kensi sinks back over him with another sigh.

They move together, movements becoming more frenzied with every arch and thrust.

“Kensi,” he murmurs, everything he can’t say poured into her name. Kensi stills, her face buried in his neck. They’re both panting, bodies slick with sweat, and he wants nothing more than to keep Kensi in his arms. He doesn’t resist though when Kensi slowly untangles her fingers from his hair and shifts to the couch beside him.

He misses he warmth, her presence instantly, clenching his hands to stop himself from reaching for her. Keeping her head lowered, Kensi clears her throat, the sound loud and abrasive in the silence.

“This was a bad idea,” she whispers.

“I’m sorry,” he starts to say, but Kensi quickly shakes her head.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. This was just-we can’t let this happen again.” She grabs her shirt, tugging it on carelessly and his heart sinks.

“Kensi, we need to talk about this.” He gently takes her hand, but she tugs free, sliding out of reach.

“No, I need to go.” Kensi swallows harshly, meeting his gaze briefly. In the few seconds before she looks away again, he sees her guards are back up. “It’s late and we have work in the morning.”

“We can’t keep pretending that nothing’s happened, Kensi,” Deeks says, following as she makes a beeline for the door. Her clothes are disheveled and twisted, but she’s more intent on escaping than being presentable.

She spins around that, her expression filled with anger and something like pain.

“Deeks, we both know what happened last time we crossed this line. It nearly destroyed us and I’m not willing to risk that again,” Kensi tells him in a tight, controlled voice. He has nothing to say to that, not words that could ever truly reassure her, so he silently watches her slip through the door.

Running his hands through his hair, feeling the echo of Kensi’s kisses on his lips.

***

A/N: I hope I didn’t make this too on the light side.

For reference, Kensi and Deeks are watching a show called “Dark Shadows” (yes it’s a real thing and the inspiration for the movie with Jonny Depp), which I’m sure a few of you have heard of before. And it’s as ridiculous as it sounds.

Thanks for the prompt and I’m glad you enjoy my writing, anon! Thank you!

[harrytpotter]

A Dangerous Bet — Chapter One.

Plot: A big change can make a person do crazy things. Take on dangerous bets. And that’s exactly what Y/N and Sirius Black did. Can a random and thoughtless occasion completely change two people’s lives?

Pairing: Sirius Black x Fem!Reader.

Warnings: Sexual content.

A/N: And here is my newest series, this time starring Hogwart’s ultimate heartbreaker Sirius Black! My original plan was to make the Reader house-neutral but for the sake of the story, I decided it would be better if she too belonged to Gryffindor. Hope you guys like it! :) ps: it’s unrevised because I’m lazy sooo I’m sorry for the probable grammar mistakes.

It’s always an unsettling feeling to go through a massive change. When something you thought would last forever just ends suddenly. When you realize it was all just a big lie. You feel like a complete fraud. Frustrated. Cheated on by the universe. And that was exactly how you were feeling. Like a big fat deception.

“How are you feeling?” Sirius’ voice popped into your ear, his mouth clung to it so you could hear him through the loud music that echoed in the common room. You realized you had been staring at the void, lost in your thoughts.

“Honestly? I don’t know. But if I had to choose a word to define it, I’d go with relief,” you screamed into his ear, a dose of firewhisky in your hand.

“That’s actually the last one that I’d ever think of,” he laughs. “Why is that?”

You started answering him, but Sirius shook his head and pointed negatively to his ear, letting you know that he couldn’t hear a thing. Pulling you by the hand, Sirius led you out of the party that was happening at full-force inside the Gryffindor tower. Once the two of you reached the hallway, he leaned against the wall and waited for you to answer his previous question.

“I don’t know, I just... think we’ve been together for this long because we were used to each other, it was...”

“Commonplace?” He completed the sentence for you. “I always thought you deserved better anyway.”

“Says the guy who’s with a different girl every week,” you joked, rolling your eyes at him.

“Ouch!” He laughed and scrunched in mock offense. “I know I’m one to talk, but you’re one of my best friends, L/N. I know you. He was just...”

“Too plain for me,” you roll your eyes at him, laughing. “I know, you’ve been saying that to me ever since he and I went on our first date.”

“Excuse me! Because he was!” He laughed even harder than before.

“I’ll never give you the satisfaction to say you’re right if that’s what you’re expecting, Black!” You retorted, lifting a brow at him.

“You don’t need to say it, love, knowing you know that is enough for me,” he winked at you.

“Come on, let’s head back,” you smirked with a roll of your eyes, pulling him by his hand back to the party.

Sirius never left your side at the party, making sure you were having the best time. You were both completely drunk and lost inside your own little word, which made the fact that your ex-boyfriend Bentley Styles was snogging Clark Summers go unnoticed by the two of you.

“SIRIUS!” You shouted suddenly amidst the loud music, feeling the alcohol cursing through your veins.

“YES?” He shouted back, smiling as he put away a strand of your hair that was stuck into your sticky forehead.

“I WANNA DO SOMETHING CRAZY! SOMETHING STUPID!”

“LIKE WHAT?”

“I DON’T KNOW! YOU ARE THE MASTER OF MISCHIEF HERE, BLACK. SURPRISE ME!”

Sirius smiled wide at you for a second before taking his right hand to the back of your head and pull you into his direction, a mischievous spark flickering in his eyes. He brushed his lips against yours teasingly, a grin playing on his features, before nibbling your lower lip. He then stared into your eyes with a burning intensity.

“Is that the best you got Black?” You asked teasingly and you could see his eyes darkening a little.

“Y/N L/N...” he adverted you.

“Sirius Black...” you retorted in a challenging tone, enough to drive him over the edge.

Next thing you knew, your tongues meet and briefly tussle with each other, quickly escalating into an epic battle for dominance. Your lips remained locked as your tongues danced tirelessly, until you finally gave in and let him had it. And he did. It was a kiss like no other, something you’ve never experienced before. It was like both of you were kissing with all of your senses, electricity flowing through every inch of the two of you. You tangled your fingers in his hair whilst he grabbed your waist with a tightened grip, both feeling the need of something to hold on to, both wanting more of each other even though you couldn’t get much physically closer than that. After what felt like hours you eventually pulled away, both out of breath and holding a look of pure longing. You couldn’t hear the music or any other noise for that matter. It was like the outside world had just disappeared and the two of you were the only ones in the room.

“Well, guess I can say I understand the appeal now,” you smirked weakly at him, the longing crystal clear in your face. “Unfortunately, this was not stupid or crazy enough for me.”

Sirius took one of his hands to your cheek, his mind clouded and fuzzy from what just happened and his heart aching with a burning longing. “Y/N, we’re drunk...” he said in a husky low voice, sending shivers down your spine.

“I know. But I’d still be doing this even if I was sober. Wouldn’t you?” You asked with a whisper.

Sirius stared at your lips and started brushing his thumb across them. You closed your eyes, enjoying the sensation. “Yes. I would,” he finally said.

“Good. Come with me,” you said, taking his hand in yours and leading him out of the tower.

As the two of you exited the portrait hole into the seventh floor, you dragged Sirius to the left corridor. Walking past through it three times with a very specific scene in mind, a door suddenly materialized itself on the wall, right in front of a tapestry depicting the attempt of Barnabas the Barmy to teach trolls ballet. Sirius smirked at you as you pushed the door open and pulled him inside, a mattress laid on the floor in the middle of the room. Pillows and cushions were scattered all around it on top of white pieces of fabric that covered the floor. Some pieces of fabric also hung from the ceiling. The walls were enlightened like a projection screen, showing landscapes like an old movie. Closing the door behind him, Sirius decided he couldn’t take it anymore and advanced towards you, grabbing and kissing you hungrily. You quickly entangled your fingers in his hair for the second time in the night as you felt his mouth sliding through your jaw on its way to your ear. Sirius nibbled your earlobe before trailing kisses and nibbles down your neck. You tilted your head a little, pressing him against your body.

“I want you so bad, Sirius,” you mumbled. You could feel his skin crawl at your words.

“Not more than I want you,” he whispered into your ear before kissing you one more time.

Sirius led you in the direction of the mattress and as soon as you approached it, you undressed each other hurriedly, barely containing the desire that was spreading through you like wildfire. Getting on the mattress, your bodies began to swing together in a rhythmic pace, hands sliding through each other’s bodies as sounds of pleasure started to fill the room. Both you and Sirius felt ecstatic, completely wrapped in this sensual, spicy, magical moment where your bodies fitted perfectly together, as if one was the exact match of the other. It was fast, rough and hungry, yet gentle. You went on this high for as long as you could draw the moment, falling exhausted next to each other after you both cried out each other’s names as you came almost together. Sirius slid his arm underneath you and wrapped it on your shoulders, pulling you close to him. You rested your head on his chest, staring thoughtfully at the ceiling.

“What’s going on in that mind of yours? Regretting your crazy, stupid decision already?” He asked with a laugh whilst drawing circles on your belly with his index finger.

“Although it was most definitely the stupidest and most reckless decision I’ve ever made, I don’t regret any bit of it,” you laughed, turning your head so you could look at him.

Sirius smiled and shifted his position so he was facing you. He took his free hand to your chin and gently pulled your head to him so he could kiss you. “So what are you thinking about?” He pressed his forehead against yours and brushed his nose on your own.

“That you’re surprisingly sweet after sex!” You exclaimed with a mockingly frown, earning a hearty laugh from him. “I was thinking that one time wasn’t enough, actually...” you added with a lustful look. Sirius got the message and smirked playfully at you before starting it all over again.

——————————————————————

“Morning, beautiful,” Sirius said as you opened your eyes, giving several pecks on your lips, causing you both to smile amidst them.

“You know, you never stroke me as the kind of guy who slept in and awaked the girl with sweet kisses in the morning,” you teased.

“That’s because I’m not, but since you’re my best friend I figured you deserved a little effort,” he shrugged playfully.

You opened your mouth in defeat at his remark before bursting into a laughter and threw a pillow to his face, getting up and starting to dress yourself.

“So, what are we doing now?” He asked, getting up.

“You i don’t know, I, however, am going to take a nice and long bath.”

“Want some company?” He winged his eyebrows at you, grabbing you by the waist.

You rolled your eyes with a smirk, playfully pushing him away. “Will you put some clothes on for Merlin’s sake?”

“Why? It’s not like you haven’t seen it before,” he winked at you.

“Aren’t you so full of yourself, Black?!” You rolled your eyes at him once again.

He laughed whilst throwing his underwear and pants on. He suddenly stopped with his shirt in hands, studying it with a fabricated interest. “I think we should talk,” he said, looking into your eyes. As you stared at him with a brow lifted, he added, “about what happened between us.”

“Sirius...” you sighed. “We’re cool. I know you don’t do feelings, besides I just got out myself of a long-term relationship, it’s not like I’m looking for anything serious right now.”

“And here was I thinking you were looking for all things Sirius right now,” he joked, his and your laughter echoing in the room.

“You really are something else, aren’t you?” You smiled at him. Sirius smiled back at you and the two of you stared at each other for a while.

“So, setting the record straight here, this,” he pointed back and forth at you and him, “was a one-time thing right?”

“Well... yeah,” you shrugged.

“Works for me, L/N,” he smirked at you.

“Goodbye, Black,” you smiled at him, taking a while longer before heading off.

——————————————————————

As the hot water streamed down your body, you closed your eyes, reliving all of the memories from the previous night. A smirked appeared on your face as you reminded of Sirius’ hands trailing your body. It was hands down the best night you’ve ever spent with a guy and you knew it had set the stakes high. But it would never happen again, it couldn’t. Sirius was your best friend and you knew him way too well to know that he’d move on to his next prey and never look back. Even with feelings off the table, he was not the kind of guy that engaged on something casual. He was a one-night stand kind of guy. Which was too bad because you could use the distraction yourself. Getting off the bath, you threw your uniform on and got ready for the day with an unusual disposition.

Glancing at your watch, you stormed off your dorm and the Gryffindor tower, fastening your pace in order to be able to have breakfast before your classes.

As you entered the Great Hall, you spotted all of your friends already sat on the table, including Sirius. Suppressing a smile, you went to take your seat between Lily and Alice.

“Finally! Where the hell were you?” Marlene asked as soon as you entered her field of vision.

“Yes, L/N! Where were you? It’s not like you to be late for breakfast,” Sirius shot a mischievous glance at you. You could sense his smirk from behind his mug.

Before you could say anything, James jumped in and said with a brow lifted: “you’re awfully cheerful for a Monday morning, Pad, which is not like you at all.”

“I had a good night of sleep, Prongs. That’s all,” he shrugged to his friend and sent a discreet wink on your way, cautiously so none of your friends could see it.

“You’re lucky, I barely got any sleep and my head hurts like hell,” Alice said, massaging her temples with her fingers. “Please never let me drink firewhisky again.”

“You always say that and end up drinking it anyway,” Peter noted, nodding vaguely.

“Wormy is right, Alice. Besides, it’s not like any of us could’ve helped you out, the whole night is pretty much just a blur to all of us,” James said proudly at the outcome of the party he had planned.

You smiled at your friends, gratitude filling you as you stared at each one of these weirdos. They were your family away from home. Amidst the vibrant discussion about the previous night, Remus reached for your hand, giving it a light squeeze.

“Are you okay? I mean, with all that kissing and everything,” he asked, looking sympathetically into your eyes, searching for any traces of hurt. He had seen Bentley and Clark kissing at the party and assumed you had as well.

You chocked on your cuppa as you tried to look innocent and avoided Sirius’ eyes at all costs. “Kissing? What kissing?” You managed to say after pulling yourself together.

Your little group of friends fell dead silent, eyes wandering from you to Remus.

“Oh,” he opened his mouth in realization. “You haven’t seen it, have you?”

“Seen what exactly, Rem?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Bentley and Clark. They looked... pretty cozy at the party,” he shrugged as if he was apologizing.

You just shrugged, unsure of what to say. You could feel Sirius’ intense stare burning holes into your skin, but you didn’t dare to look at him.

“Well, we should probably get going if we want to make it on time, Minnie doesn’t look to be in a good mood today,” James said, breaking the awkward silence.

Slowly, you and your friends got up and headed out of the Great Hall. Sirius, James and Remus walked together, joking and laughing. Alice and Marlene were on their trail, engaged in a conversation with Peter. You and Lily walked a little slower, detached from the big group. The redhead was unusually quiet.

“I know why you choked on your tea earlier,” she said, bluntly and suddenly.

“Excuse me?” You tried to play dumb.

“I saw it. You and Sirius kissing at the party,” she said, stopping in front of you with a concerned look on her face.

You bit your lower lip, once again unsure of what to say. After a while, you shrug.

“Y/N... Do I need to remind you that you used to have a crush on him before you started dating Ben?” She asked, a mother-look taking over her features.

“Lils, it was a very long time ago! We were kids back then! Besides, it’s not like I’m expecting something from him or anything. It was simply a one-night stand,” you said, crossing your arms on your chest defensively.

“For your sake, I really hope it was. It’s a dangerous bet for you to take. Don’t get me wrong, he is one my closest friends, but he is...” she started, pausing suddenly.

“Sirius...” you finished her sentence with a heavy sigh. “Don’t worry, Evans, he might be my best friend but I’m not stupid to ever think he’ll commit to anyone. I was just having fun,” you reassured her, linking your arm in hers and leading her to class.

[dbphantom]

Canon: Zane Flynt fucks

Me: haha u know what this means ;))))

Me:

Me:

Me: merfolk glamour time

[[MORE]]

Alright but for real tho u wanna see how deep I am in this fucking universe? Lego

I don't even know where to begin with this universe (Zer0 is an alien! Hammerlock is a werewolf! Troy is psychic! Tannis is a skag! Wait, no, wrong shitpost...) so imma open the 140 page document and start from the beginning

Annnnd Clay! Junpai-7.

When Zane meets Clay for the first time he mentions they did a smuggling job together on Junpai-7, u know, the water planet, so obviously this is good news (This made me super happy because my discord channel's name had been the junpai-7 moon pool for a while so I was like 'holy shit it's canon now' :') )

Timeline wise this isn't the beginning, but I don't write in chronological order and I don't order anything in chronological order, either, so. Eh.

Speaking of chronological order, I once got a line where Zane was like exclaiming something and used the moon instead of idk a god or powerful figure or smth and I was like 'lmao that's canon now'

So the moon... Elpis fucking got yeeted halfway across the galaxy or smth, and, considering we've seen (more) ocean on Pandora in 3 instead of just, like, Liars Berg (getting to THAT) or Tretchers landing, I feel bad for the tides. But that's good news for everyone else. Unless you were on Elpis, I guess.

Also hoh boy the 'end' of the game where Troy Phaselocks the moon was fun to write (it actually wasn't, I lowkey hate writing Moonstruck phases because... It hurts and I can't do it well.) also can we talk about how in tps the psychos are called Moonstrucks in tvhm because this makes me so happy. I really hope they did that intentionally considering H2O is an Australian show because my two favorite things combined can and will kill me. Wait actually the Troy boss fight is gonna be hilarious to write mostly because of that one attack with the tidal waves lol oh no

Also, also, also, you guys it's only explained in a guide book and never actually in-game as to why Captain's ship is Like That (TM) so I took some liberties and uhhh blame the Crackening. I mean the crackening happened after dahl pulled out of Pandora/Elpis so it works. It sorta works. It mostly works. Fuck. It works okay? shut. That's why Liars Berg is all frozen ocean [shoves 3 page essay about climate change on Pandora into the trash] don't need that anymore.

I was gonna talk about smth else

Oh yeah

Mostly brain freeze and trick of the light. That one meme video I made of Tannis and the Flynt Brothers imposed over that one clip of H2O (so let me get this straight: you freeze things, you explode things, and you boil things) wasn't just for laughs, it was actually a warning.

Each Flynt has a thing and Zane's is ice, Baron's is explosions, and Captain's is fire. (Glorious cleansing fire) Because it fits. It fits so well. I will say right off the bat that Mako Mermaids isn't my canon. I lowkey want to write out Charlotte as well (lol) because I've seen the 2nd season so many times and tbh I much prefer them having 1 really strong power over having 3+ really weak powers. Also Charlotte did nothing wrong in the first half of that season. Cleo was just a bitch to her. And Mako Mermaids is just. Not great on the power side of things. You can TURN INVISIBLE. USE IT. Soooo. (also cam got destroyed in s1 and I'm so glad they ended up making him work in s2 and 3. Because he deserved better and Zac was a terrible friend to him and only got away with it because he's a main character). /rant sorry I have so many feelings about these shows. Grew up with them soooooo.

And if ur wondering why I brought up trick of the light it's cause the 13th year exists and that movie was bopping. U guys remember Jess? Good times... Tuba pool scene is iconic. U know the one. I would also bring up aquamarine but ngl that movie was weaksauce comparatively. They hid that bitch in a water tower and iunno talked to earrings. Meanwhile in the 13th year they bring Jess back from the fucking dead and climb on walls like Spiderman. Clearly one is superior.

"but cruddy Aurelia has ice powers too and she's not a mermaid" no she's a werewolf like her brother we already went over that. Did u think I was kidding? No! I'm never kidding unless I am and I fucking love werewolves so I'd never kid about that. I love werewolves and I love Hammerlock and it's perfect I just love the idea of this gentlemanly hunter being a werewolf because I want to see a giant hulking monster being all proper and shit. They're just really cool. Werewolves > vampires and ngl I'm sad skyrim screwed over werewolves with the dawnguard dlc. Anyway Aurelia's ice powers are nanobots as explained in-game and listen I already lore-scienced this okay? Let me say it's amazing the things science is capable of when it thinks it's trying to beat out a competitor and doesn't realize non-Siren magic exists. Even better now that we know Sirens are not Eridian and actually existed before Eridians. Makes me giddy to think about. The universe is tearing me APART Lisa.

Oh speaking of, can we talk about the witch's brew quest on eden-6 because holy shit I had been writing Hiromi and her fascination with discovering all the secret circles long before the game came out and then learning about the group of witches and The Pact (TM) made me lose my shit because 'oh my god it's actually canon now'. We're on the canon path nowwwww. Soon. I hope we get a water planet dlc. I wants it, GB, I wants it.

Also I was totally gonna write a clip in the main story of the game (because I write a lot of backstory stuff if you can't tell, I only have like 3 scenes that take place during the events of the game and like 4 that are speculatory from before the game came out (including a scene from before I realized Troy was Like That but I edited it so he's more in-line and also has Maya's powers now so that's... Hm. In line with the storyline somewhere, but not an actual scene in the games story. Because its not possible with how the game does things (seperating Vault Hunters) I suppose I could just insert a 5th Vault somewhere and say it's the 4th Vault connected to the Machine (with nekrotefeyo's being the 5th). Fuck it.) and then 9,000 are backstory) where Hiromi comes back after like decades of the two not seeing each other and she's been hired to assassinate Zane by one of the many corporations looking for his corpse for a multitude of reasons (And Emma and Nino are both d e a d a s f, you know, for context). And like Barnabas (ya old bastard) Zane is still joking around and just having a grand old time catching up with his black ops buddy meanwhile she had just tried to blow his brains out (she's a sniper) and got pretty damn close. She's not even amused because of her psychic powers so she's just like 'ok' every time he opens his mouth because she already knows what he's going to say she's mostly just frustrated that she missed because she thought she knew him well enough to go off instead of just listening to her intuition but alas people change after, like, 3 decades of not seeing them.

Oh since we're talking about Hiromi that reminds me why Zane wears the black suit. In my non-h2o universe it's because it looks cool and provides some protection from dots. In the H2Oniverse it is because it's waterproof. Okay wait hang on context so Hiromi doesn't like take off his suit or anything, she's extremely gay and not interested, because I realize now how that sounds me relating Hiromi to the clothes, they just get into an argument about how Sirens don't have to follow any arbitrary rules to hide their magic and how it's easier to hide magic without giant glowing tattoos (and mind you this is before Zane even knows Tannis exists though he does immediately know she's a Siren and that's a whole nother can of worms) and hr's like 'I wear a bodysuit for most of my waking hours, so I am pretty sure they can try wearing long sleeved shirts and makeup for a day. Just a suggestion' but like way more in character (and for the scene) because do I sound like I'm in character right now? I'm not. I'm me. And God what a terrible thing to be.

So context for the context: ~magic is real~. If you've got it then you can usually tell who else has it if you're looking. It's especially clear if they're 'similar' to you (if ur a werewolf and u meet another werewolf then you sorta just know they're a werewolf) or if you're psychic (like Hiromi) then you can make some informed guesses. Like. Same Hat? Same Hat!!! Sirens are basically such powerful magic users that they are in literally a whole nother ball park. They're leagues above everyone else. Kill you just by looking at you sort of deal. So sirens normally don't feel other magic because their own magic is so strong it just 'overwrites' the other signals. You know, to not only explain why Lilith isn't immediately like 'who the fuck are you' to Zane and also how Amara couldn't tell Tannis is a Siren. I had a whole thing with Troy (who is psychic) being able to tell Zane had magic despite being near 4 Sirens at once because Troy grew up with Tyreen always at his side so he's used to it and knows how to look through it. Meanwhile Hiromi is basically incapacitated when she's near a Siren because she gets overwhelmed because her powers make it easier for her to read other people's magic.

Oh, context, the black ops outfit worked with Atlas for a short time (the group being Zane, Hiromi, Emma, and Nino. Emma is the yeehaw captain. She's the leader) and ended up meeting Steele for a little bit. Hiromi was just dead the entire meeting, Zane was totally out of it, and Emma and Nino were too busy eyefucking to really care that there was a Siren in the room so. Just imagine one person lying face down on the floor and crying, another staring at the wall without blinking, two undressing each other with their eyes, and then Cmdt. Steele standing in the middle like 'how the fuck did I get here'.

So that was everyone's first experience with a Siren.

There are more but ehhhh I'm tired and I mostly wrote this because I wanted to talk about it with someone else but they haven't read the whole thing yet so now I can scream into the void about it and not feel like I'm bothering them.

Hooray!

[riddleredcoats]

So I just finished AC: Odyssey...

I have thoughts...Many, many thoughts. 

(This is mainly for me so I can remember what I loved about this game when I replay it, or when my friends buy it and I don’t forget anything, but anyone wants to discuss Odyssey is 100% welcome)

Spoilers!!

We’re I’m doing this in parts.

1. The overall

Man, I always loved Greece, I always wanted to go to Greece and I always loved  Greek history... This game only made love it more and it actually made me look up price flights to Greece  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This game is really, really cool in that aspect - it made me feel like I was there, enjoying the sun, beaches, the killing bears/sharks/fucking boars. It looks amazing, the graphics are awesome and the views are to die for. Aesthetic 10/10

The boat mechanics are practically identical to Black Flag - but hey, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. But the lesbian crew? perfect. talented. inspired. worth the 35$ I paid for the game alone.

The music is decent, but the sea shanties deserve a soundtrack of their own lbr. 

The fighting was really fun, the movements fast and the animation was distinct, really fun feel.  (full disclosure I played on easy settings, cause I enjoy feeling like my character is a badass that can just walk into any fight and you know what, that’s exactly what I got, some enemies fell down with one blow. Super fun experience. Next playthrough Imma do a higher difficulty tho.)

2. The Family Storyline

I actually finished this one pretty quick. Everyone came out alive and well and living on the Adrestia. It was good drama, and I really loved Myrrine - she was incredible lbr, the only woman who can make Kassandra do anything with a single look.

I kinda liked Nikolaos too, in a weird way - even if he’s still an asshole. Spartan’s determination to have/be the best Nation was eventually its downfall, so I think it fits Nikolaos...He is a shitty father, he’s a good Spartan.

 Stentor is kinda meh, but his little spats with Kassie/Alexios are golden.

Deimos!Alexios is such a little shit, and his VA does a good job of portraying the asshole/bad guy, even if there were 1 or 2 cringe moments.

Barnabas is the only valid father figure in the game, there I said it! Y'all can @ me.

Herodotus is the weird and yet boring uncle. I approve of him and anyone who even looks at him funny will have to deal with me. 

Phoibe... Oh, Phoibe. The only moment where I actually felt a tear slide down my eye. I was emotional in other parts, but Phoibe’s death murdered me. 

3. The Cult of Kosmos...

I just wanna say to the asshole who spoiled me who the Cult Leader was... Fuck YOU! I mean honestly, it was a really cool reveal! Luckily he only spoiled it for me when I had done everything with Aspasia and I thought I’d never see her again, LMAO.

So yes, I saw Aspasia and I immediately fell in love with her. Like the second she walked into the scene I was hers. Just like that. 

I already knew of Aspasia - the real one - and like, it never even occurred to me that she might be the Ghost... Real!Aspasia was such a badass woman that needed no man but fell in love with Perikles and I never ever would have suspected her.

That final scene I have 2 complaints:

Why isn’t there an option to talk about Phoibe? I feel like it would be important and the forefront of Kassandra’s mind when she saw Aspasia again.

Aspasia sounded a little crazy? I mean I get HER, I do. The world was a mess - and let’s face it, it still IS - and I get her motivations and ambitions but her voice, her tone was too...dreamy, crazy? The VA for her was super good throughout the game, but I wonder what that part might have sounded like played differently... I dunno, it was hard to take her seriously. But I did let her live (and I kissed her...I am only human after all.)

4. The ‘’Atlantis’’ storyline.

So um... Kassandra dies, which, OUCH.

That part where she speaks Ancient Greek as she dies practically stabbed me in the heart lbr here, cause I imagine she hasn’t really spoken it for soo long (and no one has spoken it in so long). So, she says a prayer for herself cause she knows no alive knows how to do it the proper Greek way and I just... sobs. And as if it isn’t enough she just sounds so tired, so defeated, as if seeing humanity making the same mistakes over and over again broke her a little bit.

Loved going around Greece and fighting all the myths. ISTG, it was honestly one of the most fun parts of the game. The Minotaur is my fav, the aesthetic of the labyrinth was everything and Ardos was such a cute/asshole kid. Really liked the ‘’Medusa’’ too, but more the fighting it part -  it required a little more brain than the others - but that sick looking forest was 10/10.

Pythagoras was an asshole, but I knew that in fifth grade when I had to learn his fucking theorem.

Now we wait to see what Layla does with the staff. It will probably break me and I won’t be able to look at Herme’s staff the way ever again...

5. The Romance...

Kyra was my favorite romance in the game, their scenes were romantic but with a little air of tragedy still. It was well done, really. And the characters - Thaletas and Kyra - felt as if they had a little more thought put into them than some others. 

I really liked Roxana too. They were adorable, by far the best ending for any romance that I saw. 

Odessa was the only one I didn’t romance, mainly cause she gave weird vibes... 

Yes, I felt weird vibes with Odessa - who arguably also ends up with a decent romance ending - but not with Aspasia? I’m hopeless. My love for slightly evil women will be the end of me. I’m at least 30% sure I’ll end up unknowingly married to a serial killer...

But my favorite pairing for Kassandra tho? Aspasia. No doubts, no regrets, no takebacks. Everything about them is bathed in history, drama, and attraction.

We all agree that the first time Kassandra sees Aspasia, she basically has heart eyes. Right? That scene was so gay, I felt straight in comparison... And Aspasia was practically eating her alive with her stare. 10/10 sexual tension. 

The dynamics are really interesting... They both want the same thing but feel there are different ways to get it.  Yes, I know Aspasia was in the Cult that put everything in motion but like that the beauty of it. Aspasia knows its wrong, she knows she did wrong (and she probably wasn’t in the Cult when they interfered with the Oracle to throw Alexios off the Mount Taygetos). 

Also, Kassie is Spartan and Aspasia is Athenian (technically). Two lovers -  a Spartan and an Athenian - in the Peloponnesian War? Yes, please.

So, Drama? Double Check  

The Kiss. Like, don’t get me wrong I loved it and I definitely kissed her (#noregrets), but I wish it would have a little more build up

[softupshur]

Sullivan, you ARE the father!

Ao3 link if you’re into that kind of thing

Winding down for the evening, you catch a peculiar episode of Maury complete with shotguns, bluegrass tunes, and parables of The Enemy.

*Note that the characters of Matthias and Barnabas are borrowed from my friends!

Matthias belongs to @billy-hoepe Barnabas belongs to @taekwondoit

A thousand thanks to both of you for letting me borrow your hicks for this delightful nonsense <33

After a long day at work and an even longer traffic jam, you sink into the couch. For a good ten seconds, you close your eyes and breathe easy. The silence is welcome, initially, but you soon reach for the remote and flip the TV on just in time for the latest episode of Maury. You’re about to change the channel, but you’re drawn in by the rustic attire of Maury’s teenaged guest. It looks like he should be playing a part in the community theater’s production of “The Crucible”. With nothing better on at this hour, you set the remote down as Maury introduces the young man.

“Say hello to our guest, Otis.”

The audience offers a polite applause, though Otis only nods in response.

“And he’s here today, because for three years, he’s been raising little Seth all by himself. No alimony, no child support, not so much as a word from the father, and he’s decided enough is enough. It’s time for the father to step up and give Seth the life he deserves.”

The screen behind Maury turns on to show a toddler in a button up shirt and overalls. Despite the horrendously crooked bowl cut, you’re overwhelmed with the urge to reach through the television and pinch his chubby cheeks. Unfortunately, you have to settle on joining the audience in their collective, “awww,” as he waves to the camera with both hands.

“Cute kid, cute kid,” Maury remarks before he turns his attention back to Otis. “Now, Otis, tell us about what you’re hoping for today.”

Otis sighs and buries his face in his hands. “I’m tired, Maury. I love Seth, but I can’t do this by myself anymore. Did you know he brought a gila monster in the house last week? How did he even catch a gila monster? Not only that but he didn’t get bit! It’s ridiculous! When I take it away, it decides my hand is dinner! The swelling didn’t go down for a week! Imagine what it would have done to Seth!? But oh no, I’m the bad guy for taking away his new friend! His new friend was poisonous! Excuse me for saving the kid a trip to the hospital! Oh, that’s right! We don’t even have hospitals in Temple Gate!”

Maury cocks his head. “Temple Gate. Backstage you mentioned it was in Arizona, but I never heard of it. Is it one of those rural communities?”

Otis is quiet for so long that you fiddle with the volume. When he finally responds, he only says, “Yes.”

A smile from Maury follows. “You must have been working very hard then. That’s why we’re going to do our best to help you today.” He looks back to his audience. “Now we have four men with us who might be the father: Jebediah, Matthias, Barnabas, and Sullivan!”

The screen turns on to show all four men. They look at the camera as if they’re staring at a ghost, except Sullivan who maintains a neutral expression. You stare at him the longest due to the conspicuously absent right eye.

“Now all four of them have agreed to a paternity test, and while we wait for the results, let’s welcome them all out today!”

The men file out to boos and jeers. Once again, Sullivan is the only one unphased, but your attention only lingers at him for a moment, as the full screen reveals that Barnabas is missing an arm. He’s the first one Maury addresses.

“Now, Barnabas-”

“Aw, shucks! You can call me Barney! Everyone does!” Several of his teeth are missing and those that remain are tarnished and chipped.

Hiding his disgust behind an unreadable smile, Maury continues. “Right, Barney. Now you stepped forward because you have reason to believe you might be the father.”

“Well, Mary-”

“It’s Maury.”

“Murray?”

“Maury.”

“Marie?”

“What makes you think you might be the father?” Maury settles on.

Barney’s eyes glow. “Gosh, I just...ever since I was a boy, I wanted a little one to call ma very own. Me and a purty wife would do our part to make the prophet’s line a nation, livin’ on a big, old farm, and…” He tears up. “If that little boy needs a role model, I wanna be there fir him! Murphy, I want t’be the dad!”

It’s the first time you see the audience applaud for one of the possible fathers.

“I’ve never seen this man in my life,” Otis remarks dryly.

It’s also the first time you see the audience turn on the main guest to which Otis snaps back.

“What!? I’m just stating the facts! I know damn well who the father is and it’s not him!” He marches past the men so he could look Sullivan in the eye. “This guy! This fatass right here is the father!”

Sullivan doesn’t even flinch. “No, I’m not.”

“You look at that child and say it’s not yours!”

The screen shows photos of Seth and Sullivan placed side by side. Otis points at the eyes. “Look at that! Can’t you see it!? You both have the devil in your eyes!”

The audience is hollering, but Sullivan maintains his cool. “I only have one eye.”

“But you had two eyes once!” Otis shouts. “You just cut it out like a crazy person!”

“How do you know that?”

“It’s in the gospel that you wrote!”

“What chapter?” Sullivan asks.

“Oh, lay off it!”

“What chapter?” Sullivan pulls a small book from his robes and hands it to Otis. “What verse and chapter?”

Otis squints at the curiously untitled book before chucking it back at Knoth. You don’t hear what Otis says next due to the endless series of beeps, but he’s frantic enough that Maury comes to take him by the shoulders and guide him back to his chair.

“That father is clearly Jebediah.” Sullivan states in his defense. “Everyone knows him and Otis were seen together around the time of conception.”

“I just traded to get some furs from him!” Otis protests. “Something I wouldn’t have had to do if you just installed some heating in Temple Gate! Why don’t we have that!? Where’s our air conditioning!?” He’s out of his seat again, storming up to Sullivan. “Why!? Why do you do this to us!? Just let us have space heaters for God’s sake!” Another flurry of beeps follow before he rejoins Maury’s side.

“Now Sullivan makes a good point,” Maury says. “You were seen with Jebediah around the right time and sources say you two were quite friendly.”

“I was trying to be civil!”

“Ya, that’s it!” Jebediah nods in agreement. “I couldn’t be the father!”

“And if you are?” Maury asks.

Jebediah bites his lip. “Then my wife sure is gonna be awful mad!”

The audience jeers and Jebediah puts up his hands in defense. “Now lookie here, folks, I ain’t no bad guy here! I just came on cuz Papa asked me to but the truth is I ain’t talked to Otis not but twice in my life!” He then points to Matthias. “I reckon he’s the father! I dun seen him and Otis be mighty chummy to each other every Friday!”

“He’s just my neighbor!” Otis argues. “Everyone has neighbors!”

“Y-yeah, that’s right!” Matthias’ voice is too shaky to convince anyone. “I just give him a howdy hi cuz he’s always at the dock on my way to band practice, but I swear to Knoth, that’s all!”

The screen cuts to a prerecorded video where Matthias is the center focus. “Now there’s no gosh darned tootin’ way I could be Seth’s father. If ya ask me, I say it’s Jebediah. Everyone knows he fornicates behind his wife’s back all the time. I dun seen him do it sometimes after sermon….not that I’m into that kind of thing! It’s just that ya sometimes seen strange things in Temple Gate and I done suspect Jebediah has a few littluns runnin’ around the place. I even see him at the docks near Otis’s house when band practice runs late.”

You plug your ears at the twangy bluegrass that follows. It sounds like it was recorded in someone’s basement.

“Now if you want to hear some of our tunes, we done burned a few CDs.” He holds up a CD with “Nu Moozik Toons” written in sharpie. “One of the deacons got a pack frum Office Depot and uh...once we realized ya ain’t s’posed to burn them at the bonfire, we got a few workin’ copies. If you want one uh...just come on down to Temple Gate.”

No website nor phone number is provided.

The screen cuts back to the show and Maury is holding the yellow envelope.

“Now we’ve met the men, heard all sides of the story, and the results are in!”

The audience loses their shit as Maury opens the envelope. All the men, aside from Sullivan, are at the edge of their seat. The studio hushes when Maury speaks.

“Barney! In the case of three-year old Seth...you are not the father!”

Though the audience cheers for him, Barney rests his head in his only hand while Matthias pats him on the back.

“I just really wanted to be the father,” he chokes out as a single tear rolls down his eye, but Maury doesn’t skip a beat.

“Matthias! In the case of three-year old Seth...you are not the father!”

A sigh of relief escapes Matthias. All eyes turn to Jebediah who bites his nails as he awaits Maury’s sentence.

“Jebediah! In the case of three-year old Seth...you are not the father!”

Jebediah leaps from his chair and shouts out, “Yeehaw!” He does a jig around the studio, before he fires a shotgun into the ceiling. It takes out one of the lights. You wonder why you didn’t notice the gun earlier.

Finally, Sullivan’s name is called.

“Sullivan! In the case of three-year old Seth...you are the father!”

“Ha!” Otis shoots from his chair and storms to Sullivan. “I -bleep- knew it! No one believed me, but I always knew it was you! Now everyone knows you’re a one eyed slut and a deadbeat father!”

You wait for Sullivan to explode as he rises, but he only states. “That child is not mine.”

“Oh -bleep- you, old man!” Otis snatches the results from Maury and holds them up to Sullivan. “The results are in and you owe me child support!”

Sullivan takes a deep breath. When he speaks, you’re taken aback by his booming voice. “That child is of The Enemy!” He turns to the audience as if addressing a congregation. “And the filthy seed must be eradicated before it lays waste to all we know!”

“Wait, no! Not like that!” Otis cries out. “I just wanted you to pay child support, maybe spend time with him on the weekends!”

“God wants the child,” Knoth’s voice sends chills down your spine as he pulls out a hunting knife.

Maury hurries to come between them. “Hey, Sullivan! The child is yours. Now put the knife down…”

Sullivan seems to obey at first. He lowers the knife and bows his head. You have to turn the volume up to hear him murmur, “God give me voice, God guide my hand.”

“Alright, good,” Maury says. “Now-”

Before he could finish, Sullivan lunges.

Maury dodges the first swipe, but the two run off camera while Otis shouts for Sullivan to put the knife away.

The camera falls and the screen cuts to a technical difficulties card accompanied by a deafening ringing. You’re quick to turn the volume down. You wait a full minute, but the card remains. With a sigh, you reach for the remote. Right when you’re about to change the channel, the show returns.

The camera is upright again. Only Sullivan and Otis remain. They sit across from one another in silence, except for Sullivan’s heavy breathing. Between them, Maury lies dead with the knife in his back.