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peachy-inserts · 4 years

Text

𝕙𝕢 𝕓𝕠𝕪𝕤 𝕒𝕤 𝕕𝕒𝕕𝕤

part one ♡ part two (coming soon)

✉︎request: Hcs for Hinata and Kuroo as fathers, please?🥺

✰warnings: none

✎a/n: ahh ty for requesting!! im so sorry but i just.., we dont really write for hinata im so so sorry baby- hes on the masterlist, but we really. just really dont like him. anyways., i added some characters and part two coming soon! i had a little bit of trouble with kuroo, but i hope you enjoy it <3

➳ᴜꜱʜɪᴊɪᴍᴀ, ᴋᴜʀᴏᴏ, ʙᴏᴋᴜᴛᴏ, ɪᴡᴀɪᴢᴜᴍɪ

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

✰ ushijima

He swears that he just KNOWS the gender of your baby before you’ve even had your first ultrasound, and with your third child you’ve just come to accept that he actually, really does know. Or maybe it’s dumb luck, but that never seems to be the case with him and he’s far too sure of himself

Talks to the baby no different from you, asks them for advice knowing they won’t be able to answer, but their little coos and smiles directed towards him are all the help he needs anyways

Sews patches into their play clothes when they’ve become too worn to wear, and teaches them how too! Makes his daughter a hello kitty bag when she says she wants a purse and she uses the leftover fabric to patch his work jeans, which he tore on purpose just because she wanted to put her new skills to use. He wears them out in public and with pride

Okay I know he’s a pro athlete but he’s also a farm boy sorry. Anyways he throws blankets into the back of a pickup truck and takes the kids on a (slow, and careful) ride through the backroads. Could you imagine having a dog back there with them too?? He’d train it to tug on their pants when they lean too far out of the truck and keep them safe

Excellent at putting babies to sleep. He’s kind of confused by them at first, and isn’t really sure what to do with them, but eases up when he sees how easily they drift off to sleep when he tucks them into his chest and pats their back

Doesn’t bring up volleyball to them, but secretly has his fingers crossed that they’ll ask him to play one day; which of course they do, duh, he’s a pro player. As soon as they show even a mild interest in it he’s signing them up for the little league teams and bragging to his teammates

Keeps a photo of the family in his wallet and when he’s away for matches that you can’t make it to often gets caught just staring at it; the team shoots confused looks his way because he’s been looking down at the same photo for 30 minutes straight and smiling softly

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

✰ iwaizumi

Please Iwaizumi with boys is just a role model father. He absolutely adores his little man and drills manners into his head from day one. It’s very important to him that he knows how to treat people with respect and be respected!

The moment he finds out he’s going to be a father he starts planning to build a treehouse. You haven’t even begun to put together a nursery and he’s made several trips to the hardware store and stacked wood in your backyard, and spends the baby’s growing years perfecting it

He buys/sends you flowers on every single Friday, and hasn’t missed one yet. Your little boy catches on and saves up his allowance to buy you some too, because he’s gone with his dad to pick them up plenty of times and knows the way there relative to his walk home from school

He nearly cries with pride, because come on; that’s too cute.

Iwaizumi with a daughter? Different breed. He may not be real but my feelings for him are and I would do ANYTHING for him

He dresses her up in the ugliest frilly little dresses and takes hundreds of photos, and goes to daddy daughter events/dances??!? Bye I’m smitten.

Little league coach!!! Listen he knows and loves sports, just the whole category, so everything his kids wanna sign up for you bet your ass he’s signing himself up for too

And he’s a GREAT coach ugh he always knows how to handle the kids, and given his profession is a bargain deal, they’re super lucky to have him there tbh

The other parents try and flirt with him and he just freezes up and panics because he can’t respond to them like he usually would to people given his kids are involved, so he just starts rambling about how great you are

Takes them to practices he’s needed at sometimes and before bringing them in, practically gives the whole team a death threat. They have fun there, though, and he’s screeching instructions and insults out at them with his kid asleep in his arms

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

✰ bokuto

He cries when he finds out he’s going to be a dad. Big, ugly tears, and crushes you with his hugs. Wastes no time whatsoever in bragging to everyone about how lucky he must be to be having your kids ugh hes a cutie

Also cries when they’re born, and it’s visible in every photo. It’s heartwarming, though, and you’re ecstatic to see just how excited he is. You certainly know you’ve made the right choice

When he’s away for games, he always calls to tell his kids a bedtime story and tell them he loves them. Even if it’s 12pm or 3am for him, he keeps his alarm set to go off for 9pm at home.

When he can’t tell a story because he’ll be in the middle of a game, he begs, BEGS, for someone on the sidelines to answer the incoming facetime call and face the camera towards him. When it’s done and over, he’s handed his phone and it met with their sleeping faces, with an msby flag clutched loosely in their tiny fists

He always makes up for having to travel by taking them out individually so they all feel special, whether it’s for ice cream or to a movie. It’s their choice, and he gives them his undivided attention the entire time

They’re completely spoiled by him, honestly. Their allowance is cut off by you because he’s not even leaving enough for him to buy himself lunch-

Shows up to practice when then they’re born just to show them off, excitedly displaying his blessing to all of his teammates before promptly tucking them away into their carseat and leaving before they can make him stay-

✰ kuroo

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

Sends his kids to private school, but makes sure they engage in community activities; he still wants them to have the same neighborhood kid experience that he did rather than being stuck up like their classmates, and will push them towards sports

Carries them around on his shoulders nearly everywhere he goes, when they’re babies always has them strapped to his chest and insists he be the one to hold them when you’re out and can’t use a stroller

Buys EVERY single parenting book he can find. Even the ones in the dollar store bargain bins, and compiles every common suggestion into a spreadsheet. By the time the baby’s born he has 12 pages on every book he’s read, everything he’s learned from it, complete with statistics and a works cited page

Takes classes! Is very nervous and doesn’t really know much about babies so he really wants to just make sure he can’t do anything wrong, and like the nerd he is learns as much as possible

He may as well be a pediatrician at this point tbh

Keeps stuffed animals in the bottom drawer of his desk at work for when he brings them in, and will make a bed where his feet would usually go for them to nap on time so they won’t interfere with your sleeping at home

The dad that is angry that math isn’t done the same way as when he was in school and they both have a whole entire moment at the dining room table

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botwstoriesandsuch · 3 years

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hey Kip! I’m sending asks into different writer’s askboxes, inquiring about cool themes/development facts/stuff the author wants to share about their personal favorite work of their own. What’s yours? :)

Ok so this ask is old and when I first got it I was like “dang I don’t really have a lot to talk about, what should I talk about I could those revalink headcanons the Kip Cut that turned into a working fic uhh hmm maybe I’ll just make something new to talk about real quick” and then I did and now there is a 12+ chapter Revalink fic in my drafts and I’m gonna talk about that now, whoopsie doopsie [click "j" to skip]

aHEM, OK so allow me to break out the primary school white board because yeah, I have a lot of thoughts and the oxford comma has not yet made it’s home into my brain. oh and spoilers for paraphrase. for both all of Chapter one and future events in later chapters, but it’s really nothing you couldn’t surmise from the AO3 tags

so I really wanted to tell the story of Revali and Link learning and struggling to love again after the less-than-fortunate events of Botw, but I wanted a...how you say...fresher, approach on the subject? Like I know we always say that fanfic writers writing the same tropes and stories time and time again is good because we eat that shit up--but at the same time I had asian parenting as was told never to half ass anything ever, no matter what. So now I'm gay and extra and have depression maybe and oh would you look at that @motherhyrule has dropped a beautiful revalink prompt right into my lap

Great so now that we have, that, I shall take you on the step by step process on how to make a :sparkles: story. So step one is to spend at least five to eleven business days for your white board to dismantle your genre and themes and work them around your character arcs. Luckily I have prepared one ahead of time

s*breaks out those laser pointers that uni professors use* So let's start with defining genre. As define because I HATE you, fuck you. I want you to suffer and writhe on the ground, motherfucker. How dare you think that I would give you nothing but pure predictable fluff, fuck you and yours

is the set of expectations that your audience has when consuming a piece of media

And the great thing about fanfiction is that unlike movies or book where the genres are more vague like, "oh it's a noir mystery genre. so there's a crime, maybe a murder, and a detective and a criminal." or "oh it's a teen romance. so there's some white people and a morally questionable six-pack 18 year old love interest that will be painted as desirable for some reason" BUT with fanfiction HALF of the work out the window, because as soon as you see those #revalink #aro sidon #zelpha #revali is an idiot and #found family tags you already know what's up.

Now what's so great about genre and expectation? Well the fun thing about it is that

I will use it to fucking break you.

... ... ...

<3 For example! <3

In Chapter 1: Holes, you already expect there to be revalink, you already expect them to be soulmates with the soulmarks and there's angst and yadayada ya. Revali and Link have to match because thatttss what this is all about, this is about them! This is about cute, little soulmarks and romantic words!

But whoooopsie doopsie [disney channel laugh track plays] they DON'T match anymore! Link's got a different mark! The number one rule of this entire genre has been broken whoooooooooooooooops. *ba dum tiss*

You might notice with a lot of my writing that I do this a lot, this whole..."oop but there's one little thing that's different." TebaSaki sick fic? Ok cool, but what if Teba burns an irreplaceable relic of the Rito champion to fight a wizzrobe first to characterize why his dumbass clicks with Saki. Mipha deciding to persue Link? Ok what if she chases after a dragon to externalize this conflict as she pierces it's flesh for a scale. Link fighting a Lynel? Ok but what if it's actually a sidlink angst fic in disguise and it's also world building on how Link deals with the bloodmoon that erases all of his efforts which is sort of similar to how his existence was erased from Hyrule 100 years ago mwaahahaha! Ok now that I say this outloud I think I just have a pattern of using fight scenes to externalize character growth. I like fight scenes...anyways.

I think another great thing about the realm of fanfiction is that with the tagging system, I can basically use a chekhov's gun sort of deal, without doing any writing. You know I'm gonna use that gun marked "soulmates" but you don't know when I'm gonna shoot it, and you SURE as hell don't know how.

And huzzah! One of the main points of conflict both drives the tension between Revali and Link, solidifies the unique genre and setting of this world, while also creating a new mystery that will carry over for the next few chapters.

Is Revali right in that Link's rebirth makes him destined for someone new now? What will Link do with the information that his soulmark has changed? Why did it change? Did Revali's change as well? How does anything fucking work right now?

And sure, you might be able to tell where things will end with them, but you sure as fuck will not know how because I HATE you. Fuck you. I want you to suffer and writhe on the ground, motherfucker. How dare you think that I would give you nothing but pure predictable fluff. I am not your goddamn fairy godmother, I will do as I fucking please. You will suffer as you fucking deserve, fuck you and your little tiny--

Oh! But you might have noticed on my little planning whiteboard thing that there was a little T-Chart! For Revali and Link! That's because the next important thing besides plot (and in a lot of cases, including this one, it's argued to be even MORE important than plot) is

~CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT~

[to the tune of that history of the world video on youtube]

So yes, it's a little T-Chart outlining their character views in relation to the themes. And the great thing about themes is that they're not something you can necessarily predict in the same way you can with the genre and plot.

But now see, I'm very lazy so I'm just gonna plagiarize @hyrule-kingdom-updates thingy [that you should read btw] because they said my point quite clear enough

Now I don't really need to care about those points about bond and relationships and being understood, because I'm dealing with already established canon characters. I'm not some NERD who dabbles with entire casts of ocs who even cares about ocs not me that's for sure ahaahahaahahahahahaahahahahahAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *cries in my orphaned WTTU fic* AHAHAHA*sobs*DONT FUCKING LOOK AT ME THAT WAY I SWEAR--

/j I love ocs

But the points I do wanna focus on is the idea that characters provide new perspectives on the theme, and that characters growth can be tracked based on their wants, lies, and needs.

So see, themes can be predicted the same as genre/plot because while you can have the same fanfic plots and tropes, theme will always vary!

Sometimes it's a journey of selfworth with Revali! Sometimes it's an exploration of trauma with Link. Sometimes it's about how you deal with the vulnerabilities of love with Mipha. Sometimes there's straight up NOOOO theme, and people just be fucking, and kissing, and baking, and having a good time. And that is totally fine too!

But I'm not a fucking coward.

I'm gonna weave in themes with my plot, because I fucking can.

I'm not a weakling like you.

Do you hear me, 2019 Kip? Do you hear me Demmers? Do you hear me Quill? I'm coming for your ass. You think you're so great, but I'm coming for you. Rest assured that your graves will be as deep as your sculptured pride--

Heeeere is that T-Chart again, plus more!

yyyyyYou might notice that Revali and Link are quite parallel, to paraphrase. Ayoooo, see what I did there? *dabs* I'm a genius. Anywho

They both start off the same way: 100 years ago they were in love and happy. Basically the equivalent of childish naivety. For the first time in their lives, life is whimsical and charming, and they make each other happy. In fact, it's almost a flaw with how they perceive this happiness. But don't worry! It doesn't last long!

You know what happens.

I think the chart is pretty self explanatory. Revali builds walls fast enough to give a republican a wet dream. Meanwhile Link makes every aromantic in the chat groan with his doubled down sentiments in the idea that his chances of being truly happy again are gone.

Now, I can't exactly describe the full on process of the inbetweens, and where Revali and Link are gonna go from here, because...you have to read it for yourself! Heehee...but something I did think was fun was how these character views on the themes are revealed. Because you'll notice that, I never give exposition. Ever.

Ok well, let me rephrase that. I never give exposition scenes. I will never give you a big LOTR fancy wizard scene explaining the ins and outs of a character's question or the world's magic or whatever. I'm a very impatient Kip, and I value efficiency. Nonono, it's all about multi tasking, baby!

Chapter 1: Holes is divided into three parts.

Post 100 Years - Medoh (Establishes Ghost Rev/Bonk Head Link's view)

100 Years Ago - Flight Range (Establishes old Revalink views)

Post 100 years - Mark (Develops Ghost Rev/Bonk Head Link's view in contrast to who they once were)

I think the way that you structure flashbacks is incredible vital, as it's a very quick way to characterize people without having them say stuff like "I used to be like you, until I took an arrow to the knee" or whatever.

And with the main structure of the chapters and the fic as a whole is focus on their characters, that means I can hide whatever other stuff I want in those scenes, becuase you're too busy absorbing the fun character stuff to realizing I'm giving you boring exposition. Like for example:

Post 100 Years - Medoh and Mark

Foreshadowing for the end of the fic

Set up connection to Medoh with Revali

Link has defeated Windblight

Link has been visiting Revali every night for the past few days

Link has already met Kass and presumably Teba

Link doesn't have the Mastersword

Revali's Gale is still an ability that needs master and practice on Link's end

And that's just some of the stuff.

And see, the only reason I can efficiently give all of this information regarding character, and even exposition, is because of the theme. The themes make everything relevant, and everything circles and encompasses one another, so there's absolutely no wasted space. I mean don't even get me started on how it's gonna be to characterize the other characters around this

I don't wanna talk about the other characters too much either because that's spoilers, but you can probably take a gandar based on my notes.

And oh my god this is just on the theme of the faults that come with "soulmates" and "true love" and all that, and how even magical destined relationships still require work and effort, and that no one thing or person solves all your problems. And that's not even TOUCHING the shit on trauma and scars. I didn't think it was even possible for me to talk about botw without touching on that, ha. Ah well, I've been talking for too long.

Revalink has a lot o' writing potential so das pretty cool yeah, I am excite

#revalink #paraphrase revalink #writing

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neganandblake · 6 years

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I think I liked you better when you didn’t have a knife in your hand, Peaches... Chapter 184 - But then I found you

When Blake finds herself sold out to the Saviours by her abusive fiancé, she realises that she’s certainly not on her own anymore and finds an unlikely friend in Negan. And Negan does NOT like men who beat their girlfriends, one tiny bit….

MASTERLIST

Chapter 184- But then I found you

[Blake goes in search of Negan and finally finds him up on the rooftop. But the Saviour seems to have a lot on his mind.]

Blake had had an eventful afternoon.

It was strange to be back at the Sanctuary after all this time away. And yet in an odd way she had never felt more at home. Back where she belonged.

She hadn't seen nor heard from Negan since his unannounced absence, but knew that if she was going to keep Carl and Tara out of harm's way, then that was probably for the best.

She of course totally understood Negan’s frustration with how she had dealt with things. Blake had told him point blank that she hadn’t been ready to come back this morning at the white house when he had asked her, and yet here she was.

But despite understanding Negan’s anger with it all, Blake needed him to understand that all of this was for him and for Mia, to create a better life for both of them. Negan had build this place from the ground up and made it what it was today. But Blake just hoped that he would understand that the way to achieving a future without further death and bloodshed, would be to make peace, even with assholes like Rick Grimes.

Once they had finished in the canteen, Blake had showed Tara and Carl to her old room on the second floor where they had agreed to stay, with the protection of Dwight on patrol outside upon Blake's orders.

It wasn't that Blake didn't trust the Saviours, her own people. But she had seen the hostility the two Alexandrians had earned downstairs in the dining hall, and didn't want anything happening to either of them before she could make sure they were packed off home at first light tomorrow.

And so she and Mia had said their goodbyes and spent the rest of the afternoon searching for Negan.

The dark-haired Saviour was indeed a hard man to track down. And after getting side-tracked twice, once by Arat, who had embraced Blake, happy to see her back and looking well. And the second time by Tanya, who had gladly offered to take a sleepy Mia (who had dozed off on Blake's shoulder) to her room and get her ready for bed. Which then left Blake alone in her searching for the grumpy man.

She finally found him, after what felt like hours of wandering around the drafty Sanctuary hallways, up on the rooftop.

A place Blake had not been since she had told Negan the news that she had been pregnant, what felt like so long ago now….

So much had happened between them in such a short space of time, so much hurt and pain but so many good memories too.

Negan truly was everything to her and she breathed a sigh of relief looking upon finding him up here.

Blake stepped out onto the cold rooftop.

The wind had picked up, causing her long caramel hair to flutter around her, as she emerged from the doorway.

Negan was hunched over the wall on the far side, hand linked together, shoulders rolled forwards, staring out across the darkened Sanctuary lots below, eyes narrowed and jaw clenched firmly shut.

He looked like a man deeply resigned to something and Blake had to admit she was more than a little nervous to find out what.

She took a step forwards, letting the door behind her clatter shut, clutching her arms tightly around herself as the wind bit at her.

“It’s freezing up here…” she mused in gentle voice, knowing full well Negan was aware of her presence. Yet it unnerved her a little that he hadn't turned around and acknowledged her, a nervous feeling gnawing at the pit of her stomach.

Maybe he hadn't forgiven her for bringing them here. Maybe he had changed his mind….

But what choice had Blake had?

If she hadn't have come with them, Carl and Tara would have just come here without her. And what would've happened then? Something far worse than the pair of them sleeping in a nice cosy room downstairs that was for sure.

The blonde tilted her head, approaching Negan slowly and coming to stand beside him, staring out a the same expanse of lot below, resting her forearms on the cold wall before her.

The pair were quiet for a long couple of minutes, both just gazing at the blackness ahead of them, beyond the lots, where there were no lights for miles around. Nothing but the darkness.

“I’m sorry,” Blake whispered finally, chewing on her lip and glancing Negan’s way. “I know you're still mad-”

“I ain’t mad, Darlin’” he sighed, immediately cutting her off. “My head is jus’ full of shit right now is all.”

He reached up and ran a hand down his long, stubbly face, squeezing his eyes shut for a second or two as Blake peered at him.

He licked at his lips before dropping his gaze to his hands still clasped before him.

“That kid….Grimes’ kid...his daughter….” he said, a hurt, sad sort of frown adorning his brow now, as he shook his head “....she’s only gotta be...what....Beansprout’s age?….”

He trailed off, his mouth downturned into a grimace, as he hung his head low, his rounded shoulders hunching even more. “Fuck...she’s just a damn baby. Hell, they both are. An’ I dont wanna….” he huffed, ”....shit….”

He hissed out a breath as Blake blinked at him curiously, parting her lips, as he stood up straight finally, his dark hazel eyes meeting finally with hers.

And Blake could see instantly that this was a man that had been thinking hard about what he was about to say, a sadness and a loss plastered over his gaze, that hadn't been there earlier.

“I can’t hurt those kids Peaches. I don’ fuckin’ want that. I never fuckin’ wanted that. Shit, all this…. It was never fuckin’ supposed to be like this. I was never supposed ta’...”

But Negan let his head drop forwards again, squeezing his eyes shut.

Blake stepped forward, her green eyes searching his lined and tired-looking face and the sheer exhaustion that lay upon it.

“It’s ok,” she whispered caringly, pressing her palm to the his chest, to the place just over his heart. “This shouldn't all be on you-”

Blake knew that was the truth now.

Fuck.

It had been a mistake bringing Carl and Tara here like this.

But Negan lifted his own hand and quickly grasped a hold of the hand Blake had pressed against his chest and brought her digits up to his chin.

“But it fuckin’ is, Peaches. You’re right. You were damn right all along an’ I shoulda’ fuckin’ listened to ya. Hell, this world is a goddamn shitshow. You an’ I both know that. But those kids….they shouldn’t have ta’ live in a fucking world like that...where you’ve got people at war with each other all the goddamn time,” he said staring into Blake's eyes with urgency.

The blonde’s heart pounded now.

Here Negan was, so intense, so decided.

But his decision here could change their lives. For better or for worse, Blake wasn't sure. But regardless, it was a huge risk for anyone in this world, especially Negan, with what he had built.

And yet here he was, doing this, not for her….but for Mia, and for Judith, and all the kids that had the potential to suffer the most in all this.

Blake pushed herself close to him, lifting her other hand to his bearded cheek.

“Are you sure about this?” she asked quietly.

But Negan, lifting her hand to his lips and kissing her knuckles affectionately, let out a long hard sigh as he closed his eyes for another brief moment.

“No, I ain’t…” he said in a tired voice. “....but I know I’ve gotta fuckin’ try. For Beansprout….for you,” he said licking at his lips harshly. “Shit. Y’know, when my wife died, back then…..I thought….I thought that was it, thought I wouldn’t get a fuckin’ chance to have what everyone else had. A damn family. Kids of my own to care about. An’ yet here you both are. I fuckin’ found you. An’ I ain’t about to risk all that for my own goddamn pride anymore.”

Blake gave an understanding nod, feeling a swell of love for the man before her.

And she was silent for a moment, on that cold rooftop, as the wind whipped through her long blonde hair tangling it around her face. But Negan, almost instantly swept it away with a flick of her own free hand, brushing it back against her head softly.

He truly was her soulmate, through and through, and Blake had never been more certain that he was the person she was supposed to have found in this world. Never been more certain that the cruel realities of this world had brought her to this place, to Negan, for a reason.

“I love you,” Blake whispered. “So much.”

And Negan tugged her into him by the back of her head, tucking her head underneath his chin and wrapping his other hand around her shoulders, holding her close to him.

From here Blake closed her eyes, feeling the slow drumming of his heartbeat against her ear. Feeling so safe and warm within his embrace.

And like that they remained as the seconds passed them by. Together. A king and queen reunited again.

Blake knew that now. And so did Negan.

“Shit, Peaches,” he murmured finally after a moment or two, pulling back with a stiff sigh and eyeing her, his hand sliding over her cheek cold affectionately. “Let’s get inside before I fucking freeze my damn nutsack off out here.”

Blake gave a nod, her face breaking into a small smile, as she took his hand, allowing him to lead her back inside, out of the cold once more…

...back into the warmth of the darkened Sanctuary hallway. Where they both belonged..

………………………………………

#negan #negans-network #jdm #twd #The Walking Dead #negan twd #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #negan oc #negan otp #negan and blake #jdm oc #negan x oc #negan ofc #negan fic #negan fanfic #walking dead

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neighborhoodcryptid · 5 years

Note

ALL THE TRANS MEME ASKS

Welp, you asked for it.

1. what is your gender?

agender! (although I’ve been sorta questioning about just being a dude? but who the fuck knows)

2. what are your pronouns?

they/them

3. what is your gender presentation like?

i try and lean more towards androgynous/masc? sometimes, i’ll toss in like one more feminine item but it’s usually andro/masc.

4. what is your Gender Euphoria Outfit?

OH BOY! i have a dark brown “grandpa sweater” from the thrift store that i love to wear (mostly because it’s large on me and I love being formless), with some black jeans and some men’s dress shoes that i got from the thrift store also.

5. what makes you feel validated?

when people use my name and pronouns! people at work use my name and it’s so good!

6. top five favorite parts of your body (n why you love them)?

uhhhh fuck. i guess my eyes are okay? i have nice calves lmao. tbh, i’m dysphoric about a lot of it so there’s not a lot i have.

7. favorite trans meme/bit of trans humor?

that post that says “if someone gave me an assigned gender, i would just say no. rip to cis people but i’m different” that shit kills me every time.

8. how did you pick your name?

i’ve just always really liked the name? as a kid i liked it and i always wanted to name a kid that but then plot twist i took it for myself

9. what does your name mean?

according to google, it means “one who descends” or “flowing down” in reference to the jordan river.

10. do you have any trans pride merch?

not really? i’m not out to my family so i don’t really have any. i have like a little trans flag that i got from a local pride event, but nothing more than that.

11. recent happy trans moment?

hanging with you (llocalcryptid) and literally just being able to talk about gender shit and feel validated? it was great. love you.

12. favorite trans headcanon?

probably gonna have to go with the cliche trans!peter parker. i just really like it

13. favorite canon trans character? (alt: 2nd favorite trans headcanon?)

tbh, i don’t watch a lot of shows with trans characters? (but if yall have suggestions let me know!!) so i’ll just do a second headcanon: i love the idea that steve rogers is trans? i saw a post about it that explained how it would explain why he was so much smaller and a bunch of other stuff.

14. favorite trans blog(s)/trans blogger(s)?

i don’t really follow any specifically for being trans? but i know i have a bunch of mutuals that are trans and i love them all.

15. favorite trans celebrity?

i don’t know if he counts as a celebrity but i love jamie raines (jammidodger on yt). he makes a+ content and he is just a really nice guy. 10/10

16. song that gives you Big Trans Feels?

the village by wrabel. it makes me cry almost every time

17. something you wish you could tell your younger self?

you’re not broken

18. what would your Ideal Fashion Look be?

yknow dads in cargo shorts and hawaiian shirts? that.

19. (how) does your gender relate to your sexuality?

it doesn’t really. i use bi/pan interchangeably and it doesn’t change with my gender or anything

20. do you have a comfort item?

that brown sweater i was talking about?i literally put that on whenever i wanna feel better lmao

21. what makes you feel euphoric?

binding lmao. im most powerful when im binding, in my euphoria outfit, and being gendered correctly.

22. what genre of media would you love to see more trans characters in?

uhhhhhhhh all of it???

23. claim something as trans culture.

the entire legend of zelda franchise

24. give some love to your trans friends/mutuals (alt: give some love to the trans community in general)

i don’t know if this means that i should tag them all or not (i don’t wanna tag people if they dont want) but if you’re a mutual or even just follow me and you’re trans, i love you so fucking much and i’m so proud of you

25. what’s your favorite part of being trans?

all the memes that come from it (but also the friends and community i’ve found through the experience)

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littlehungrywarrior · 7 years

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there’s a lot of things about me that are fucking absurd and really cool, so when ppl ask me to tell them about myself, i break em out immediately (”my family heirloom is a severed head named oswald,” “I can see disney studios from my house,” etc)

but just bc im bored and I feel like it, here’s some stuff about me that I dont think I’ve ever really talked about? not secrets, but just...mundane things that I don’t really ever say in favor of Ice Breaker™-type things

I have a profound respect for mail services. When I was 7-8 years old, we watched a documentary in class about how the postal system works, its history, and about the various jobs involved. It was an extremely formative experience for me. I don’t send a lot of things over snailmail and so I’m not really sure how to express my respect and support but it’s definitely there. Unfortunately, I’ve yet to play the FallOut game where you’re a mail carrier, but I wanna... I wanna.

Though I’ll claim to the ends of the earth that sports confuse me, I am a huge speed-running enthusiast. One hobby/interest/self-esteem exercise I have is that I really like to learn jargon/lingo involved with...anything, really. So I started watching speedruns to pick up the lingo and I just...became infatuated. I’m no expert but I’m %100 into it for more than the lingo at this point; I’ve long since got that covered. One of my favorite parts is golf-clapping along with other fans when something cool/impressive happens.

I can’t sleep without a hat on. A beanie, specifically. When I was, like...5 or something, I was terrified of vampires, and for some reason I thought vampires bit the skull and not the neck. So I pulled my blankets up over my head at night. My parents thought this was dangerous (I might suffocate) so they gave me a hat to protect myself with. I’ve long since outgrown my fear of vampires (and learnt that they don’t typically bite skulls) but I’ve associated hats with nighttime safety for so long that I can’t fall asleep without one. In the event that I don’t have one, I can wear underwear on my head to suffice...and I think I wore a stuffed animal once somehow but idk.

I’ve had my SPiN in genetics for so long that 5-year-old me used to infodump strangers at the grocery store. When I asked where babies come from, my dad got me a picture book written for kids specifically to answer that question. We still have it; my brothers used it, too. It starts by explaining pollination and then extends the same concepts to dogs and then humans. Most of the information is on pregnancy and fetuses rather than sex, and cell development immediately caught my fascination. I asked my parents for more information about this and they gave me some more microbiology stuff. Combine that with my animal obsession + budding interest in heredity and you’ve got a tiny obnoxious geneticist who wouldn’t stop telling random people in line at the grocery store about how chromosomes are passed on through haploid cells. Dad got real smug about it, it was fantastic.

On a similar note (and I have no memory of how this actually happened), I more or less learnt to read spontaneously? All at once? Again, I have no clear memory of this until the part where I can read... My parents read to me every night but I never was able to do it myself. I had a huge library built into the wall at perfect me-height for reading. One morning, the summer I turned 5, I (according to legend) walked up to my parents, got their attention, said “I’m going to read now,” and then (this part I do remember) sat down and read every single book in that library over the course of two or three days. Super rough estimate, but it was somewhere between 70-200 books, with a variety of target ages ranging from 3 to 10-11. No chapter books, all pictures, but the second I was finished I wanted more books. My mom took me to the store to buy more and insisted I get a chapter book since I’d burnt through the picture books so fast. And that’s where I got my first Warriors book.

That was not the last time I read an entire library. In 7th grade, a friend of mine and I both had sex ed previously and so were allowed to skip that year’s sex ed on the condition that we spent that class in the school library. And together, we read the entire thing. Only what was on the shelves, though; nothing in the back. Actually, at one point on the last day, we’d already read every book in the place and we were bored, so we pulled some books out of the back to look at and none of them caught our interest. One of them was the first Hunger Games book WAY before it got popular. We’d never heard of it, both read the first 2 pages, didn’t like it at all, and put it back. You should’ve seen our faces when it suddenly blew up into a huge thing. The sad thing is, I remember a lot of books that I enjoyed but can’t find now because I can’t remember any specific titles or characters. We sped through everything to finish it all and didn’t really take a lot of time to absorb details so a lot of them are lost to the vague, hazy back of my memory. Still looking for that manga where the ninja kid...stops an evil scientist from...some kind of virtual world machine. There’s a piranha tank? And then the bad guy...gets sniped by a helicopter and falls off the roof, or something? Also there was a manga version of Maximum Ride, which I only remember by name because 2 chapters in it suddenly hit me that this was a comic version of a text-novel my mom was reading at the same time. I bought a handful of books from that library at the end of the year and still have them.

I’ve only been in one play but something fucking sweet happened during production. I was Malvolio in Twelfth Night because, and I quote my drama teacher (who had known me for 8-ish years at that point and also who was smirking her ass off when she said this), “You’ll see why when you read the play.” She was not wrong and to this day that smug fuckin grin gives me life. Anyway, I was Malvolio, and you know that “Some have greatness thrust upon them” speech that everyone’s so inspired by? That speech is a fucking prank pulled on this asshole and it’s about bangin’. So the scene is that I dramatically read this “””love letter””” I’ve received and then run off to go embarrass myself. The speech is LONG and so I asked if I can just...actually have it written on the letter. And she said yes! So I wrote it down with intent of reading it off the letter. But opening night, the actress who was to place the letter grabbed the wrong paper and so I got just a blank sheet. Guess fucking what? We’d re-choreographed that scene so many times the night before that I slammed that shit anyway, word-for-fucking-word. And I was never mad at my friend for grabbing the wrong paper, so I say this in jest, but her punishment for grabbing the wrong paper is that the entire cast/production team did not hear the end of my pride for the entire week. For a timeframe reference, I was 12.

When I was a kid I had a horse named Emmy. She was a rental horse. Actually, I think she was a pony? The way the rental worked was that she lived in a barn with a bunch of other horses. Her owners were a small business who gave riding lessons, but instead of just riding each session, one of the horses was “yours” (assigned by age, height, and temperament, not picked by the kid) to take care of while you were there and ride consistently every session. Essentially, she was only my pet when I was on the property. I can still ride but I’ve gotten rusty and I can’t do anything above a trot for more than a few seconds. Both times I’ve jumped have been accidents, once on Emmy and once on mom’s current horse, Meteor. I’ve fallen only once, and it was off Emmy. Mom’s going to be getting a gigantic thoroughbred soon and I’m both terrified and excited to ride this very large boy.

I talk about this in person but not online because...why would it ever come up online?? I have worn the same style of red jacket every single time I leave the house since I was a pre-teen. It’s to the point where people will only recognize me if I’m wearing it. I had a friend in high school who was/is a really cool guy, we were seniors and we’d been close friends since freshman year. I had my jacket tied around my waist because of the heat. The school had two campuses a block apart and I was walking from one to the other to get something. Friend was walking from the other to the one, so we passed each other. Wordlessly. No wave, nothing. I was tired, it was hot, I didn’t really think anything of it. Then suddenly, a foot behind me, he freezes dead in his tracks and says my name with some kind of stricken shock. He had no idea it was me. At all. Keep in mind: my jacket? Tied around my waist. Not even off, just around my waist. Since then I’ve used this jacket thing to my advantage. Sparingly, I can take it off to sneak around. It’s like I’m invisible to people I know unless I say something and they hear my voice. It’s incredible.

Going back to speed running, way before I knew that it was a thing at all, I taught myself to speedrun two games: The Lion King (PS2, not the impossibly hard one) and Putt Putt Saves The Zoo. As they were unofficial speedruns that I didn’t really call anything and just kinda did when I was bored, I never timed the latter, and I only timed the former once using my mom’s kitchen timer. It was a rough estimate since sometimes I paused and forgot to hit play for a few seconds, or I needed to pause but didn’t for a few seconds, and the timer only counted full minutes anyway, but I still remember the time: 35 minutes. I keep meaning to go back and re-teach myself to speedrun it, perhaps more professionally, and time it with more accuracy. I still remember all the strats but I can’t pull them off with as much fluidity as I could when I was still in practice. I also can, when watching both Lion King 1 and 2, still point out with frame-perfect accuracy exactly when a scene starts that was a cutscene in that game.

wow writing this was fun and I kinda wanna do it again. ok

#what do i tag this as #me??#me

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lunuanaki · 7 years

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Your favorite ship. I'm talking about the one that gives you the butterflies and happy feel good feelings. Talk to me about that. I wanna know what your brain words say about it. :)

THANK YOU, SYN, FOR SENDING ME THIS MESSAGE WHEN NO ONE ELSE WOULD because probably they know what’s going to happen and they don’t want any part of it--- *glares at entire dash like that one picture of the assmad cartoon pig*

I’m going to cut this because it’ll definitely get long, but... if you wanna know what kind of ships I would throw myself in front of a ruby dragon for, you’re boutta find out... I’m gonna explain it for the unfamiliar as well, though. So I get to talk more. I don’t know how anyone on this website could dislike this ship. Fight me. Anyone who reads this and agrees gets the warm fuzzy feeling of my everlasting favour.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

It’s Velka and Gwyndolin, is anyone surprised?! Nahhh... BUT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THEM BC I BET YOU DONT KNOW EM?!For those unfamiliar with Dark S//ouls, Gwyndolin is the youngest child of the Great Lord Gwyn, God of War/Sun/Lightning, all that big noisy man stuff. Gwyndolin was born weak and fragile and corpse-white, so, realising he wasn’t much of a trophy child, Gwyn raised him as a girl. Gwyn’s rejection never quite sat well with him, though - he’s always been insecure about his appearance and how others interpret it. He hates being stared at, and has been known to kill servants who aren’t careful where they look. Actually, he’s not fussy about murder in general, but he does have a strong sense of who deserves it and who doesn’t.Gwyndolin’s talents lie in moon-related magic and archery. As an adult, he still presents as female, he’s still horribly weak in a physical sense, paper-white, and for unspecified-in-canon reasons, has six or eight snakes where his legs should be (he still has legs, but the snakes tend to boost him off the floor). I’m not going to link any images. Picture white silk, gold, delicate, intricately made bows and faintly glowing arrows, and a gold mask he hides his face behind that mimics the shape of the sun his dad is so obsessed with.His canon personality is cold and apathetic; this is no tragic princess to be rescued. Suggest as much, or try to cross him, and he will kill you where you stand, with a shot so fast you’d never see him draw the arrow, or raise his staff. He leads a covenant of followers who hunt down sinners. As proof that they killed for their master, these followers tear off their victim’s ear and bring it to his doorstep for his approval. He’s pure grace and moonlight, and the definition of the phrase “glass cannon”. He knows his place, and even though he will never be a true part of Gwyn’s family, at least to his father, he works to support them. You can kill him in-game; if you do, the sun will go out. It was an illusion. The sun went out in Anor Londo centuries ago; Gwyndolin has been maintaining the false image of its better days, as a comfort to visiting Undead, even though it must grate at his soul to do it. His title is Dark Sun. This is not his natural habitat.

Velka. Velka is a name, and a concept. That’s all we get in-game. She appeared in the third game as a statue (that confirmed my headcanon appearance for her to be spot on). Her title is Goddess of Sin. She’s known for being sneaky, “eccentric witch”, difficult, changeable. Gwyn’s friendship with her was always rocky; she could see his pride and his self interest, and he knew she waited for the day he met her judgement. Flames help him; after the massacre of the dragons, if he ever knelt at her feet, it would be the last thing he did. If Gwyn is the sun, she is the darkness waiting for him to sink below the horizon. Her covenant are absolvers of sin, for a price, their faces covered to separate them from the material world. She has no concept of the Christian idea of sin, because that just doesn’t exist in Lordran. Sin is decided based on her moral compass - conflicting philosophies, like the Way of White, might claim she has none, because she sees no inherent sin in drinking, or sex, or gambling, as long as no ill intent or effect is there. She only wears black, silver, and that one splash of red, the wedding ring from the husband she outlived. She was human once; not a born Lord like Gwyndolin. That mortal vitality is still about her; she never had the luxury of living without the concept of death. Picture extremely long, thick black hair (that she’s famous for in game), crystal-clear lavender eyes, blood red lips, porcelain-coloured skin and purple dark circles, lace and velvet. Her mother taught her to scheme and spy her way up. Gwyndolin was naturally suspicious of her at first, as he should have been. But their covenants had a mutual interest, and she began to supply her list of unrepentant sinners for his covenant to hunt down. It became a bonding ritual, I think both of them enjoyed it more than they’d admit.

Gwyndolin to begin to get. Jealous. Velka was known for spending nights with anyone she pleased, servant to knight, never getting attached to any of them. There were rumours that the crown prince of sunlight himself was on that list. Gwyndolin seemed to be the only one she wouldn’t look at in that way. Was that because of the way he looked? Did she pity or avoid him the way everyone else did, even after all this time? Every hour she spent with one of them was one she wasn’t with him. His own anger at her is confusing to him, because he’s never had any interest in anyone, male or female, not like this. It was, she said, because she valued him more than one of her throwaways. She paid close attention to him, enough to know he didn’t like to be approached like that, or looked at. Whenever people had shown interest in him before, he’d assumed they were mocking him. She didn’t want to make him feel the way they did, so she was content with the distance she stayed at, as long as she could pride herself on being the one he was most comfortable with. It was selfish, really, but she liked being his favourite, so she’d do anything to stay that way. Velka does not recognise the word love, because she’s never experienced it before, so she doesn’t use it, not yet.

When they finally stopped dancing around each other, her reputation for impropriety died, along with anyone who spoke about her like that in front of Gwyndolin. Gwyndolin is extremely possessive, and Velka, for once, finds she wants to be possessed. There’s still no power imbalance, though. With her support, Gwyndolin’s confidence can develop (she’s so proud of everything he does). With his favour, she can’t be sidelined as badly as before. They have to be careful as a couple, because it’s dangerous to be seen that way. Not because “Gwyn won’t approve of her”, but because between them, with their combined covenants, Gwyn’s distrust of her, and the growing unrest among Gwyn’s human subjects, they present a very real threat to the throne, and as if to prove their point, Gwyn will soon exile his own son and heir for less.

They’re like Morticia and Gomez, if all that overly romantic stuff were silent. Because they don’t need to say anything. Like the time he panicked over an instinctive murder of a wayward servant, and she helped him clean the blood off his hands and let him calm down alone when she wanted to kiss him until he remembered how much more important he was than such a silly mistake as that - to her, and who else matters? Or the time someone made an untoward comment about her at the dinner table and no one saw Gwyndolin draw the arrow, just the sight of it hit the speaker and kill them instantly. She only laughed as politely as she could, because he already knows how much she adores his overprotective homicidal tendencies, and he thrives off it. Her sense of justice has a blind spot that exists just for him, and she can forgive him anything.

There’s a little piece of lore in the game that says Velka sided against the gods in a war, and lost. The AU that could happen if they won gives me life. If they won, she wouldn’t have taken Gwyn’s place herself, she would have given it to Gwyndolin. They would make a terrifying but brilliant leader between them. The sun would set in Anor Londo for good, and Gwyndolin’s intelligence and clarity would get a chance to prove itself more useful than Gwyn’s brute force and genocide tactics. Gwyndolin isn’t much for titles, but you can be damn sure Velka would take it. If it made Gwyn turn in his grave to hear her called Queen, she’d insist on it, after the way she watched him treat Gwyndolin. As if he weren’t worthy of Gwyn’s pathetic legacy.

Of course, as the series goes, in the third game, Gwyndolin is gone. Reportedly cannibalised by a cult leader and his apprentice while he was weak and sick. Velka’s verse for that revolves around her finding and saving him - whatever that means.

If anyone stuck with me this long, please offer me emotional support, because I am compromised. I haven’t run out of words or feelings, I’ve run out of energy to convey them. These two are precious to me. Not only is there all this intensity and unrelenting devotion behind them, they take the usual framework for a hetero relationship, shatter it and piece it back together in completely the “wrong” order. Velka has some of the masculine traits, the forcefulness of her mannerisms, the proactively destructive one, however undercover it might be. Gwyndolin is the formal, delicate, princessly one, and has to be pushed to react badly. Both of them are beautiful, in totally opposing ways. You would usually expect the female to be the sexually inexperienced one and the male to be the opposite, but that’s flipped on its head as well. And yet, the hyper-feminine one is Velka. Gwyndolin is androgynous, even in feminine clothing. I don’t think I’ve ever come across a pairing where each one adds to the others’ existence to such a degree as they do. I reject the events of the second and third games and substitute my own, because anything else is a waste of one of the best pairs I’ve seen in anything, ever. I don’t think I’ll ever top some of the threads I did with enasaliin with these two, honestly, I might as well log out and never come back. I have to go do some starters now. My heart hurts. ;-;

#ooc;#MASSIVE otp vent #also will teach you a LOT about velka if anyone is interested in her #sighs into the sun #just end me right here #about ;; velka #this wasnt even everything i wanted to say #i have a chara vent twitter but i wont even bother tbh because #140 characters? 10x that isnt enough fam #hyperionknight

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moon-dust-lust · 5 years

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I write bad stand up comedy so thanks

So nice of everyone to come tonight, on a good day I have no more than four people that look at me at one time, so this is definitely making me severely uncomfortable. I'm only 20 years old which means just like every other 20 year old I cry in the shower and use tinder. I at first thought of tinder as a great way to pick up prey as a serial killer. I watched criminal minds a kid and I watch FOX news so every predator showcased on those forums are white dudes. I am also from eugene oregon so pretty much all of tinder looks like the milk aisle. Some are organic, some are fat free and others are being fought over by two different women who will send you death threats over facebook and try and sabotage your relationship. It is just great. Anyways, I recently decided as an in debt 20 year old with too may bills to pay and a customer service job that I'm already dead inside, so if I died it'd be pretty much how it is now except I would no longer have obligations and all the guys from my high school would finally pay attention to me. My first experience was just as about as fucked as it gets. He was this hot guy, six foot, covered in tattoos. He had just moved from utah, or illinois or somewhere else unimportant. He asked me for my snapchat, which ws already a flag because he was 26 and no one except someone over the age of 12, a soccer mom that's had a little too much wine, or a celebrity uses it; but I let it slide. So he's sending me pics and it looks like he's outside. He's sitting in a tent and so I'm like, "oh are you camping? that's fun. Don't let me keep you from anything". He's all, "No I live in a tent". Come to find out he had no job, no car and was living in a tent on someone's property. He was a homeless man. Now, how I found hopefully the only homeless man on tinder is beside me, but the weirdest part is how he had a phone still and also how he thought he could pick up chicks. Like did he think as a date i would let him shower at my place? Or was he thinking my ass would get fully dressed up in make up and heels just to spend the night in his tent? Would he make me bring my own firewood and sleeping bag? My own can of beans? My experiences with men are pretty much summed up by this interaction alone. My first date ever, I showed up at this guy's house and it was infested with rabbits. I am talking ten or twelve. Then he took me up to his room to watch a movie, door open because this was high school and I had never even seen a condom before and his mom was downstairs watching something with jennfier aniston in it. His room was COVERED in pictures of his ex girlfriend. Pictures she drew of them, gifts she gave him, pictures of them together etc. SO, I was so uncomfortable but I was thinking it was probably just because he was too lazy to take them down. I was so wrong. So, so very wrong. Let me preface this by saying this was my first date, EVER. I had no idea what it was supposed to be like. He was a quarter back and he was all in shape and tan and that was pretty much all I knew about it. He had a really cliché rich white name and he was one of the only sophomores with a car and no curfew. He was a real bad boy. So after my date I got approached by his ex girlfriend at a party. She then told me that he was sending pictures of me while I wasn't looking to her and telling her how great of a time he was having and how he didn't need her. This was my first god damn date. I just cannot believe the progress I have made in the 5 years I have been dating. I never dated in middle school because i wore blue eyeliner and had a perm in the late 200s. I was really setting myself up to fail to begin with. I had one relationship that lasted three years. There is this funny thing about guys where they start out pretty normal and then after they really get comfortable they start to cheat on you and go crazy. It is just the weirdest thing. It's like the gremlins except instead of not feeding them after midnight you provide the with emotional stability and all the love in your hard. Big mistake ladies, Am I right? This guy I dated was so much fun. There was one time he told me I was absolutely perfect. He would tell me "Everything about you is perfect, except you could use a boob job". look, I will be the first to say i have the littlest titties in america, but I'll be damned if you dont appreciate them. They are like one piece of chocolate or the very back row of seats of a concert. You're just glad you got a little taste of your favorite thing, okay? I am like the bronze medal you get at a sporting event. Bitch you should just be happy you got any trophy at all. This guy was a real whackadoodle. He would cheat on me and then not let me go out with dudes, or ladies, bisexual pride woot woot, because he thought i would cheat to get back at him. But jokes on him because nobody likes me and I also didn't have any friends. I ended up breaking up with him because he was obviously terrible and he decided to stalk me. All i could think about when he would harass my family and try and show up at my school and had his parents blow up my phone is, "now you miss my lil tities?" who was gonna pay for all this shit in the first place? where did he think i was gonna get the fucking money for this? I am a broke college student, I drive a car that sounds like an eighty year old at the back of a movie theater coughing and I work at a restaurant where everyone is so stoned, it's like I'm at in the middle of portland on a saturday night. I go to the university of oregon. A very fun school, full of people who have no interest in talking to me. In their defense half the time I have my headphones in and I am crying so I guess it's just in everyone's best interest to not get into it. I am a psychology major, which I call the boring white girl major. I got into it to become a sex therapist, mostly because I am not having any and really want to find out if there's a book on how to make people not continuously reject you, but also because sex is a hard topc and I talk about it like a human urban dictionary. The worst part about the university is the talking. There was one time I had a 200 person anthropology class and these girls from a sorority who all obviously took the class together to cheat and not do anything ever, were describing their friend tiffany or gemma or some other rich fake tanned name's vomit. The color, texture, smell, everything. They were analyzing what she had eaten the previous morning and all the alcohol she mixed and all I could think was, " if you spent half as much time talking about your friend samantha's vomit as you would listening you wouldn't be failing this class and self medicating with alcohol to the point where you throw up because youre a bunch of clemintine sharp nailed looking green beans". Like i pay too much to listen to you explain the thong you bought and how it chafes your butthole when you dry hump alex from the frat across the street who is also fucking tina with the fake nose and even though he gave you clamydia six months ago, you trust him now you know? I own one bra and one pencil. I am wearing two completely different socks, one is a knee high and the other is an ankle one. Whenever I am hungry i dont go to sushi, I go to bed. So please Gretchen from Bitch, Bump &grind and beyond stop and let me at least get a C so I can land a job that makes me 12 dollars an hour and I can be poor in a different setting. I work full time and go to school. I am not like most millenials. I don't have time to eat avocado toast or catch HPV. At my little restaurant in junction city, the staff is absolutely questionable. I was the first girl there who was single and under the age of 40, so naturally I became bate for every man in society you hope you never run into in life. The first was our host. He looked like bowzer from mario if he were a white middle class man. He was shaped like a tear drop, so his head was small and oddly shaped and the rest of him just got wider and rounder as you went down. He always wore the same button down shirt, I think to try and impress me, but like it was his only button down shirt. Anyways, he is what I call the lingerer. If you are a woman who has ever had a man like you at work, you know exactly what I am talking about. He would follow around, but like at a creepy slow distance and he would stare at me until he thought i was looking and then looked away. He would also reach over or around me just so he could be close to me. It's weird and painful to watch. He also asked my sister, who also works there, if i was a lesbian because i wasnt immediately interested in him. Let me digress for a moment and say that just because a woman rejects you doesnt mean she loves only vagina. It usually means you arent a good person, or she just doesnt wanna date, or she has a boyfriend already, or you have no common interests, or she doesnt want to mix work with her personal life or maybe she has something personal against blonde guys, white guys, guys with glasses, she dated someone with your name and its weird, she has a lot of issues with touching, you have weird hands, you have bad breath, you are bad at your job, she is asexual, or THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON SHE JUST DOESNT LIKE YOU AT ALL EVER. Men are so vapid about that sometimes. Anyways, he gave me a cash tip off one of my tables and I, trying to be civil was all, "oh i love free money thank you" trying to relate to him because he seemed like the type to bring a gun to work and I really wasnt in the mood to get shot or followed out to my car so i gotta keep is civil you know? so apparently you cannot be friends with sexual predators because then he gets all close and whispers in my ear "is that how I get in your pants, by throwing money at you?". The tip he gave me was only five dollars. If is ass thought having sex with me would cost only five dollars, he has no idea how bad inflation is or how much i spend on amazon a month. Also, even with my little titties and cellulite, no amount of money would let me fuck a guy who looked like barnie the dinosaur if he were a white pale ghost. I have very low standards, but they exist for sure. somewhere. deep down. The next guy i had was this old cook. he was 65 and he cooked in the morning. His wife was obviously dead, in his basement or both because he was always saying nasty things to me. He told me that if he were forty years younger he would hire me as his kid's babysitter so he could fuck me. He also told me he was extremely attracted to me and terrified of me at the same time. He one time came up to me and asked me what i had in my front seat because i was hiding something under a coat. He has rotted out teeth and children older than me. It is men like those guys that make me think, "am I really that bad to the point this is as good as it gets?

#badcomedy #standup #socially awkward #im fragile #trying my best #comedy

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justfriends-iguess · 6 years

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ALL of the wlw asks :)

oh anon you truly do know how to make my day productive BUT to answer your 25 questions :

1. Who was your first girl crush?

I was so in love with Emma Watson while I was growing up with Harry Potter. Little gay me was so sad that she got together with Ron

2. At what age did you come out?

13 to my best friends and close friends, 18 to my sister, 19 to my mom and 20 to my closest cousins.

3. Are you a top or a bottom?

I’m open to being both.

4. Describe your dream date!

I’m a complete sap at heart and love all dates equally but I have a soft spot for carnival dates so my dream date would be a carnival date with a kiss on the top of the ferris wheel.

5. What is your favorite thing about loving girls?

I just love girls. Have you seen how beautiful and gorgeous they all are?

6. Who is your favorite sapphic celebrity and why?

I’ve always looked up to Ellen DeGeneres and always hoped in meeting her one day bc she is one of the lesbian icons that i grew up with. Also, she’s just a really nice person in general and I dig that.

7. Ultimate Gay anthem?

Girls like girls by Hayley Kiyoko without a doubt.

8. Who are you currently crushing on? Describe her.

Honestly, I dont have one at the moment but i do have a big celebrity crush on Mina from Twice but if you follow me, you’d notice that. (Hoorah!)

9. Do you want to get married? If so, why?

Yes, i do want to get married and idk, i just love the idea of having to come home to someone and laugh over the fact that my kids drew on the recently painted walls. She’d tell me her day at work or home, whatever she decides, and my kids begging to watch a movie another 182947294 times.

10. What’s the hottest thing a girl can do?

Being yourself is so attractive because it really shows, you know?

11. Favorite WLW film?

Imagine Me & You because that shit is cute and Cersei was actually my favorite! (GoT fans, what’s up?!)

12. Favorite WLW book?

Conflict of Interest by Jae (lesbian author y’all). It’s not a fast paced book and quite slow paced but the writing distracts you from that and when they do get together, you’d agree that it’s the perfect pace after all.

13. Favorite WLW show on Netflix?

I dont think i have one. Waiting for Netflix to make my gay dreams come true.

14. Tell us your favorite wlw-related memory.

All of my wlw-related memories are my favorites. Each one made an impact in my life so they’re all pretty special in their own way.

15. What do you look for in a girl?

Doesnt matter really. If we started talking, got to know each other and i still like talking to you, maybe even become my favorite thing to do then that’s all that im looking for.

16. If you could go back in time, would you have come out sooner? Why?

Nah, i dont regret coming out during the time that i did. I had my reasons to come out at that age and why etc. I believe people come out at their own terms and that should always be the case.

17. What does a girl have to do to win you over?

Honestly, just be yourself. Cliché, i know but it’s so true and I want to emphasize on this so much. Dont be a different persona than you really are. I’m not interested in dating a character. If anything, I’m only interested in dating you so just be yourself and we’ll go from there.

18. Do you fit any wlw stereotypes?

Hmm, i’m sorta a butch but at the same time i’m not. To give you a visual, i have long hair but i wearing boyish clothes 99% of the time. Love my lesbian boots, flannels and jackets. Maybe beanies too bc im weak for them. The 1% where i do wear dresses etc is when i have an event w my family and im made to use one.

19. What’s your favorite female characteristic?

How natural they are when they dont care how they look or act like around people. I do love seeing girls in their buns (or not, up to you) with their pjs and watching netflix with a bowl of cereal for dinner. Makes me wanna cuddle all night long

20. What’s your favorite type of kiss?

I love to give forehead and temple kisses. I think they’re the cutest things ever. If I were to receive one, I’d find a simple kiss on the cheek adorable and heartwarming.

21. Are you a cat or a dog person?

I’ve only had cats my entire life but i love them both because they’re both cute. Especially pugs and corgis. GAH they’re so cute. As for cats, love LOVE munchkins and scottish fold.

22. Have you ever been to pride? If yes, what was it like?

Unfortunately, I’ve never been! :( Would love to though. Sounds so fun and overall just a life changing experience.

23. Do you prefer hugs or kisses?

Depending on the situation. Have a soft spot for back hugs though.

24. Biggest turn on in the bedroom?

God, if I’m in love with you and I’m at that stage with you (bc sex is really important for me and I cant do it casually), then the sole reason why I’m turned on is because of you.

25. What would you say to your old you?

To not rush things. Especially love. There’s a reason why things are the way they are and that falling in love is best when it begins naturally. Heartbreaks will occur and you’ll feel like the world is ending but I can assure you that it’s not and you’ll get your worth in the end. Settle with someone who loves your flaws and your charms but still nags about how you room’s too cold. (I love the cold so much, my parents refuse to come in my room because of the air conditioner I leave on most of the time.) Better yourself before you can be better for someone else.

Thank you to Anon on making me answer 25 questions and actually making me feel productive. My questions and ask box thingy majingy is open 24/7 so if any of you have anything to ask, ask away!!

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