#i wanna find somewhere to climb and perch and smoke and soak in nature. i wanna connect w the people around me.
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i hate living like this i jst wanna be free
#all i need is an all terrain power wheelchair and then ill be fucking set. can we get one that climbs shit too???#idk man its like. i have such deep longing for the simplest of shit that makes me feel good and refreshed and alive#like going for a fucking walk.#and i cant#and that hurts so badly#like emotionally#if my needs were met and i had accessibility it would be a little easier on my spirit but i dont currently have that and im grieving that#i wanna walk to the gas station. get a snack or a drink or a cigarette. i want to take a long walk down to a body of water.#i wanna find somewhere to climb and perch and smoke and soak in nature. i wanna connect w the people around me.#i wanna bury the dead rats i see on the sidewalk. i want to pick up the trash i jump over on the way home.#i want to run to people when theyre in need and be there for every second without making myself so sick i cant move.#i want to carry people. drive people. cook for people. make things for people#anyways#no ones desire matches their capacity but its still hurts to have this determination and motiviation but 0 capacity for it.#the feeling physically hurts deep in my chest#ill get there and i know theres so much i can do within my capacity but i still save space for the mourning.#learning to connect and help in a more meaningful way while still honoring my capacity is difficult but im getting there#talkin#disability tag#๐ฆจ
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