#i very rarely see fog in my game?? idk why its so rare?

[nordsea-horizons]

misty morning walks☁️🍂

[krisiverse]

if your tags mentioning disability infodumping a few minutes ago were genuine, then feel free to go forth and do so (publicly or privately, you can dm me if you want but idk how much later i'll be up)

absolutely genuine!! and im glad u asked bc now i get to open the floodgates

SO i have 3 illnesses (tm) that i get to deal with! all of them are things ive been dealing with as long as i can remember but all have them have gotten much worse in the past year. i have POTS, chronic migraines+light sensitivity, and some unknown joint problem

pots is short for postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome! in laymans terms that means whenever i go upright my heart beats way too fast! this isn't actually a heart issue it's a problem with the blood vessels in my legs not contracting when i stand up like they're supposed to, so ALL the blood goes to my legs and feet and heart goes OH SHIT and works overtime to get it up to my brain cause i kinda need that to live

when i initially stand up this causes dizziness and my vision often gets covered with a grey blur, i have to take a moment before continuing. then if im upright for longer periods of time i start to get brain fog and its harder for my brain to process things- this includes sitting, depending on the day ill be able to sit for a couple hours straight to draw or play video games, with some effect until i lay down, the brain fog and also adhd make it so sometimes i forget to though and THAT'S always a Time, but basically any amount of standing IS going to make me lightheaded until i lay down and take time to recover

honestly pots has very little to do with the heart itself, im not sure why its called what it is

yall know what migraines are so im just gonna say im like. constantly having a headache. im very rarely not having a headache. as a kid i related to psyduck so much bc hey same and it gets REAL bad sometimes, everyone in my family gets severe migraines when theres high pressure weather, its bad BUT i have medication for it so its like. handleable

but the WORST thing is light sensitivity. technically linked to the migraines but not specific TO them, i get hurt badly by perfectly normal amounts of light, as in "sitting in the living room an hour before sunrise is too much for me" no amount of adjustment helps. none. i Have to wear sunglasses to leave my room almost all of the time, and it's not nearly as cool as it sounds, it sucks

the light sensitivity also comes side by side with other vision issues! i also have visual snow which is random noise across my vision like a blanket of static! and not only do i have that i also have misaligned eyes resulting in ZERO depth perception and double images unless i actively focus (imagine if you had to cross your eyes constantly to see stuff clearly) and while TECHNICALLY that and my nearsightedness are correctable by lenses, i have horrible sensory issues with seeing things in sharp focus so i can't even use that lmao! still means im not legally blind though and i may not use a white cane based on the laws in my state

and finally idk what the hell is going on with my joints. i think it might also be based on air pressure but sometimes theyll just ALL decide to hurt, all the time, for weeks on end and it sucks! idk what is going on here, they werent bothering me for a few months but now its baaaaaack ✨

ty for letting me share! this isn't really venting, im not looking for sympathy im just kinda like. man that's wild huh. it rly be like this.

[moondriftingold]

hi! this is a post that’s gonna be about the decisions i’m making to step away from parts of the direction that nomura took saïx in kh3. basically it’s me just. Fuck You, Pay Me, I’m Keeping My Son. thanks. so lets go

one. saïx voluntarily rejoining the organization is not my canon. emphasis on VOLUNTARILY. when this was canon confirmed, it really confused and upset me, because we were literally shown that after being recompleted the first time, he was chosen by ymx to rejoin their ranks. his unconscious figure being perfectly framed above xigbar’s outstretched arms, and ymx’s cut-off response starting with an S is NOT a coincidence. vexen also referred to him to demyx as “one of the chosen” in their conversation in radiant garden, and said that his hands were tied because of it. chosen. saïx did not rejoin the organization voluntarily and we were literally shown this but ok nomura. so anyway, on this blog, isa had his heart extracted a second time and woke up yet again as saïx, still trapped in the nort nightmare and still involved in the organization as a vessel and important party number.

two. i am keeping the bit about saïx being the one who started the replica plan, but he didn’t do it for the same reason. he didn’t do it with the main intention of redeeming himself for his treatment of roxas and axel because that is, honestly, out of character for him. straight up. the last two times we saw saïx, he was fighting sora in kh2 with the intention to kill because he was looking at him as roxas, and to him, that fight was his revenge for roxas besting him in days. and the most recent time in ddd, he was attacking lea in the round room, with their last interaction before that being saïx literally stabbing axel through the back and inflicting a fatal wound. so, like. doesn’t really match his character to make him suddenly feel sorry for doing that? with no proof as to why, and without showing us how he came to this decision? so. how i am interpreting saïx’s betrayal against the organization is that he did it to finally get back at them for all that they’ve done to him over the years. it was a huge mission of saïx’s to overthrow xemnas, and that was a plan he and axel had shared for most of their time there, so to finally have the means to actually follow-through with sticking it to him was an incredibly motivating factor in coming up with his very risky, and very surprising backstab. the entire conversation he had with vexen on the rock pillars was completely staged, since he knew xemnas would be listening in. roxas, xion, and lea benefitting from this plan is an added bonus, and something that he understood he would be doing --- it was hard, knowing that he would be bringing back people that brought him so much frustration and pain, but it was necessary. the small part of isa that remained in him was also a deciding factor in this, and knew that if he was ever going to have a life outside of the organization, that he would have to make the first step towards repairing the damages, no matter how painful it would be.

three. the whole subject x thing? not wholly my canon. i will be keeping the bbs portion of this, because the idea that isa and lea came across something so disturbing and horrid (in this case, a live, human prisoner) in radiant garden that it would motivate them to continue their search into the castle beyond just curiosity is something i’ve had in mind for a very long time and has been part of my portrayal for years, and this can accommodate that. though i still don’t rly like it, i can buy that they would become guards to increase their chances of freeing her, but know that isa hated every second he stood outside those doors, knowing that he was working for an institution so corrupt and horrible that they were experimenting on people inside their walls. isa did care deeply for this girl --- he wanted to save her just as much as he described in kh3, because it was the right thing to do and through he and lea’s frequent break-ins, they became friends, but i draw the line there. the idea that saïx became who he was because of this newly introduced character is... degrading to his own character? and degrading to the importance of he and lea’s friendship and bond? it’s unnecessary. the kh team built him up so well before kh3 with his reasons for his downfall clearly being loneliness and anger and fear and intense pain at feeling betrayed and slowly abandoned by his best and only friend, and to replace all of that with just. “he really looked hard for this girl he knew for a few weeks!” really sucks, and disappointed me more than i can express. to also insert this jarringly sudden new plot point into saïx’s dying speech was so... i can’t even rly say. i wasn’t as emotional as i wanted to be during that scene the first time i saw it because i was just too angry at his character’s treatment to really absorb the moment. this post covers how i feel about the whole subject x thing so well, so please give that a read.

four. this isn’t rly a kh3 thing that i’m combatting (ig it kind of is? idk) but: saïx was, and has been, under the influence of possession for a very long time. we don’t know when his eyes turned gold and we don’t know when he got his recusant’s sigil, and we probably won’t for a long time because nomura apparently loves to make me hate him, but it’s been made clear thru the days game and manga that saïx has drastically changed from how he used to be as isa. we can obviously see that in bbs, where he was just another kid, joking around with his friends and being incredibly sassy, but still sweet and thoughtful. his berserker lore deserves an entire post of its own so i’ll cover this more in-depth another time, but with the knowledge that his own class of nobodies are canonically possessed by their weapons, it’s definitely not a stretch to assume the same with saïx. i’ve long portrayed saïx being barely-there and half in his own head due to being under xemnas’ influence and being slated as a vessel, and that will not be changed. the entire final battle with him in kh3 is the biggest testament to this that i can think of, and it just made me so incredibly sad to see him the way that he was --- completely enveloped by rage and utterly useless to do anything but fight for the sake of someone else. the second xemnas showed up in the ring, he became still and stalwart and stood quietly behind him like a soldier at attention, not moving once during the entire interaction until xemnas left, still actively in his berserk state. when knocked out of berserk mode in battle, he becomes disoriented and confused and reaches for his head, swaying on his feet and murmuring gibberish (a rare dialogue line has him disorientedly call out for axel and it makes me :-) die :-)), as if the fog is clearing for a moment before it all comes rushing back to him. tldr; saïx has been slated as a vessel for so long and was partially possessed by xehanort for a prolonged period of time and is traumatized by the fact that he lost so much of his life and nomura can eat my ass