#i used to have the worst visions of me being 30 and still living with her. on my computer in my room doing the same shit
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
pippipoffin · 2 months ago
Text
my mom gets really irritable and defensive every time i mention im moving away next year. i wish she was just happy for me
7 notes · View notes
lakesbian · 2 years ago
Text
ok listen. this is crucial. this is what ward aisha is to me in my mind palace.
aisha for the largest part of worm is Thirteen. alec is 15. they're both incredibly dysfunctional traumatized kids who like each other a whole lot living thru some crazy shit. and the one time aisha really has fun is when she gets to play at being on top of the world with alec, living out the rich-with-no-dumb-adults-but-brian-telling-us-what-to-do teenage dream w her best friend. she's Thirteen. her sole vision for the future is that the undersiders will keep winning and she and her Cool Hot Funny Best Friend Who Is The Only Person Who's Ever Gotten Her are going to be cool and tough and richer than god and paint each others nails in their cool shared supervillain base while the world fears, but more importantly, knows the names of Imp and Regent. her big brother has had unimaginably awful things happen to him and she can't fix it even an ounce, she's fucked up and has spent her life feeling invisible and she knows it, her best friend is fucked up too and she knows it, but she still gets to have this: the success as a villain, her legacy, the legacy as someone memorable with her best friend and her team that's so nearly within her grasp. despite it all, she's just a kid, and when she's texting alec a news article about herself or idly dreaming about installing a pool in her base, she barely even remembers the blood it's taken to get there. for a moment of her life she thinks this will never end and she'll finally get to be Seen, seen by her best friend, seen for everything great they're going to do together.
and then--she's 13--she watches her best friend kill himself in front of her, for her, and she's never going to get to tell him another secret, or make another dick joke with him, or be imp and regent on top of the world together. and her brother is even more unreachable than ever and one of the people she respects most in the whole world is gone and she's alone again, unseen, dealing w/ all this blood and no more prize at the end of the rope.
when we see her at the end of worm, she's fixated on the idea of establishing a Cool Villainous Legacy as the Badass Supervillain Imp, impressive enough to become what she and regent could've been together, but, like.
all she's actually doing is taking care of a bunch of traumatized children and going around stopping people from being terrible to each other. she wishes she were a villain. she's a charmingly edgy vigilante at worst. she spends 30 minutes straight making fish puns, stopping said traumatized children from getting into trouble, and preventing a dude from torturing ppl and hoarding resources. and then she pats herself on the back for another Successfully Villainous Act. and also while she's doing all this she's intentionally memorializing and safekeeping the legacies of taylor & alec (not brian because wildbow is a clown idiot buffon fuck but in my mind palace she's doing it for brian as well). all ppl she loved and lost, and she's desperately trying to prevent them from fading into the same obscurity as her.
so like. To Me. To Me. the reason she's still talking to herself about building her own legacy, about her own legacy being that as a Cool Villain--is because she's not ready to face that that dream from her childhood has long been dead in the water, that she's now a lonely person whose life is about tromping around in snow-proof cargo pants and making enough breakfast for all these fuckin' kids and yelling at people to be decent to each other. everyone who would've seen her has been left long behind in one tragedy or another, and on some level, she's not fully accepting that this is her life now: being the one who's left. the one whose legacy is just to carry the legacies of her friends who died too young around in her heart.
so To Me. ward aisha is abt like. i will have to rotate this in my mind further to determine more, this is the first draft of Thoughts, but to me ward aisha should 100% be about her coming to terms with the fact that she's grown up and having 2 memorialize the her that her 13yo self wanted to grow into as much as she has 2 memorialize her other lost loved ones. like scene queen kid aisha growing into an adult during a post-apocalypse where there are no longer hot topics to rob blind but she can still have silly fun hair dye for the her 7 years ago that really loved neon purple. not to fucking mention the thing where her brother comes back and they both have 2 reckon w how much she's grown and the fact that she was aspiring to be like a mini-him but if he was genuinely in touch with the emotions of the kids he's taking care of.
like what if you were an older brother and you died and then you came back and your immature little sister was almost as old as you now and bigger and taller and good at taking care of people Emotionally in the way that you never could 4 her. what then. wouldn't that be fucked up or what. aisha and brian my best friend aisha and brian
131 notes · View notes
alyjojo · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
December 2024 🫶 for Pisces
Preshuffle: Whew, you’re trying. Really trying not to bite someone’s head off. 10 Wands shows the pressure of this being enormous - or in a moment where you have a lot on your shoulders, pop off.
Meditation: Just a massive feeling of being overwhelmed, first the sight was black and when you came into view, you were surrounded by 50 things that were all a priority and you just sighed at me and put your hand in front of my vision/the camera? Like “get out.”
General: 6 Swords
Love: Temperance rev & Queen of Cups
Work: 8 Wands rev
Well, your reading is really good. You’re probably expecting the worst based on the initial energy, and Temperance rev does show you being impatient or pissy over what looks like not having enough time…alone? But with your person. Or too much, and you’re never together because you always have things to do - separately. It’s like a bunch of near misses, your gathering starts at 5:30 and they’ll be off by 6 but it’s Mom’s birthday and she won’t go out after 8 so…rain check x100. Split duties. It’s getting old as far as you’re concerned, and there may be periods where you pop off in frustration…because ultimately you love your person, if you have one. The passion is 🔥 and they have you feeling all magical and dreamy, whenever they’re around. You don’t want to feel frustrated - and will need to make yourself more of a priority. Peace of mind, tranquility, taking good care of yourself, drinking water 💦 For some that’s part of the pissiness, you haven’t eaten anything all day, any day. Start bringing bananas 🍌 to work, salads 🥗, smoothies 🍓, something. Self care 💆🏿‍♀️
For work, it’s your ultimate goal to keep the peace…which shows you may know something that you’re keeping to yourself. Nothing big. They’d be more efficient if they’d just do xyz. This person is late every single day, but you don’t say anything. You don’t want to rock the boat - and openly look the other way. Other people trust you for this reason, and normally I’d be like…but the energy is actually really good here. You mind your business and do your best, very practical and group-minded, you make a great team member and others are glad to have you - even if they don’t say so. I see you getting along with everyone and not really with any particular one - Elusive is the most Piscean card in this deck 😆 You’re like a ghost, in and out of the room, and people know you as “oh, them, they seem nice.” That’s fine with you, it’s peaceful 😌 You could have a lot going on at home - work is just a necessary grind you get through this month. Happily. Quietly. Peacefully. If someone tries to call you on an off day though - you went & fell off the Earth on Saturday, sorry 🫥 Ghosted 👻 Any drama from November seems to be getting better, more balanced and less stressful, throughout the whole month. More fun & less stress, but still very busy.
You come into December with:
The Lilac Key 🔑
“The last thing out of Pandora’s Box was hope.”
Change is coming. It is imminent and cannot be avoided. The desire to run from this situation is tempting. However this is a necessary challenge for you. You are going through the labor pains of birth. This may indicate a painful divorce or partnership ending bitterly. In all situations it represents a death of an old way of living, thinking, and surviving. Lilac Key appears when mere survival is not enough for you. Your will to live is what is forcing the change. It is a change of consciousness, which in turn will lead to a balance of harmony in all areas of your life. Cleaning up the past is a process that is often painful; yet hope and joy are the after effects. Remember, once the key has been used to open the door, once you have entered this new consciousness, you cannot go back. You will be left with a new way of living, one without keys - for where you are heading there is no need for locks 🔒
You leave December having learned:
She Shaman 🧝🏾‍♀️
“I will guide you to your muse.”
She Shaman whispers to you “Do not be like the old birch and wait for anyone else to tell you of your muse. Connect with it!” This is your destiny calling. The path you have chosen is an artistic one. The universe is waiting for you to begin your dance and express your love in a tangible art form. The time is now, the moment has arrived, it is a time for decisions to be made. Dance! Rejoice! Do not seek council outside of yourself to confirm what you know to be true inside. Do not wait for permission to act. You must trust your instinct and act from the voice within. Let go of any need for approval, your answers are within. You will not be alone, Spirit is with you.
Purple/Maroon may be lucky colors 💜❤️
Compatibility for December:
The Moon is your own energy, and it’s a mixed bag. You could have some very deep intuitive connections, maybe you have prophetic dreams or will - or one of your people. You could also fear the unknown in others and feel like you can’t really trust them, there are things you don’t know and can’t see. Or that’s just true and you have no idea /switch.
Aries - cutting through any confusion, making clear decisions, the logical person in the room
Taurus - any fears or ick feelings will dissolve as soon as you see them again, it’s happy 😊
Gemini - a fuckboy/girl that hurt you, or someone angry that was unfair to you /switch
Cancer - has solid plans and schedules but struggles to maintain them, easily distracted and could probably use some help 🤝
Leo - bitter bitter that you don’t like them or don’t find them attractive…it’s giving jerk at the club that hits on you and then calls you “bitch” when you’re not into it 😬
Virgo - being nice/sweet because they like you, or switch it, this could be a child or very new
Libra - patient with your issues and you’re patient with theirs, it’s like mixing paint, this is a solid connection no matter what flavor it is
Scorpio - there is no chance this is done with, for some this is a Twin Flame, for others it’s someone you’re just never getting rid of, sorry ✋
Sagittarius - not cooperating with literally anyone dude they’ve gotten this card in all readings, I reshuffle and rereverse cards each time.
Capricorn - has no excuse for confusion, options, breadcrumbing, or any other not clear as crystal bs they’re trying to pull or switch it 😑
Aquarius - deeply disappointed they or you had to let this or something go - they’re sad
Pisces - jumping into five new beginnings at once and probably pissing everyone off…they’re lying about something/many things, or just really quiet
2 notes · View notes
lymphonyduck · 3 months ago
Text
The Surgery
Currently 6:27AM and I guess this is just when I wake up now. I had another melatonin induced dream. This time it was me being really angsty and anti-social? I'm not sure why haha but I will not look into any hidden meanings for it.
Anyways... I think I left off last time saying I was scared for my surgery.
But let's start with how I'm feeling at this point... knowing that I potentially have cancer. I cried on the way home from the urologist. This wave of sadness came over me and I couldn't stop it. It was hard to drive as the tears blocked my vision. I think it would've been weird for me not to cry. Was I crying that I had cancer? Was I crying that I was supposed to get surgery? I don't really remember the exact reason but I suppose it was just a really sad morning. I was also really shocked that the first plan of action was to remove the damn thing. Like it was just straight to surgery... no big deal.
At the same time, I felt confident(?). I knew this was an easy fix. Just remove it and be done. If I was going to get cancer, this would've been the best case scenario for a worst case situation. All I had to do was go and remove Mr. Righty and then I'd be cancer free. I accepted this. I was okay with this. Mr. Righty turned against me so now I remove him. He doesn't deserve to be with us anymore. Sad to see him go but that's just life.
So here I am ignoring the calls from the scheduler because If I had picked up and actually scheduled something, it meant this was all real. I mean it is real but it just felt even more real. Sorry girl, no hard feelings... I just needed to process all this but I do thank you for your determination to schedule me because all of this went a lot sooner than later and that's always good when dealing with cancer.
I had met with my urologist on Sept 10th and luckily he had openings literally next week so I had to choose Sept 18th for my surgery. It was either Sept 18th or sometime mid October and that was just too long of a wait.
During this I still hadn't told anyone. Not even my family. So this was going to be hard news to break. At least I could give them comfort by saying it's possible it's not cancer. Nonetheless, it's never fun breaking up the cancer news. Actually like 2 years ago my dad got diagnosed with CNS lymphoma, another cancer. I suppose it was just my turn now. I felt really bad for my mom because she had just gone through helping my dad get through cancer and now like 2 years later she has to go through the emotional turmoil again. It's always sad to see her cry. It's always sad to see any parent cry because you always think they're invincible. We're so caught up with our own lives you never notice their gray hairs or that they're getting older and weaker.
Before my surgery, the urologist ordered some labs to be done and I dislike getting poked. My girlfriend also needed to get her labs done because she went to a yearly checkup so we went to a walk in Labcorp one Saturday morning. The wait took forever but we eventually got it done. The phlebotomist was a nice older Vietnamese gentleman and it didn't hurt too badly. I was happy about this. I also needed to pee in a cup again. These labs were the only prep I needed to do and after that it was just stewing in my anxiety about getting surgery.
Surgery Day
Surgery was scheduled to be at 1PM and 11AM check-in time. My family plus one aunt all drove to the hospital 15 mins away. We arrived at the lobby and was greeted by a nice security guard. I did the whole check in process and then person who checked me said that my urologist was one of the best surgeons here. She also said he dad also get a procedure done by my urologist. This news brought me some relief and I'm sure it also made my mom relax a little too. I got the Meredith Grey of this hospital. I was in good hands.
We got escorted via golf cart over to a waiting area where we waited maybe... 30 mins before I was called into pre-op room and onto a bed. The pre-op nurse was nice and gentle with me. They had this weird airbag heater thing that was quite nice. It blew hot air into an inflatable bag and in turn would warm up the bed and me. Before I got into bed, I stripped down and wiped myself down with some wipes. The wipes were nice and warm but the cold hospital quickly made me shiver. I donned my hospital gown, cheeks to the wind and got into bed. The pre-op nurse came back and my parents were able to come visit me. My mom asked if I was nervous I said not really. My aunt who also works at this hospital came to visit me. My dad had switched out with my sister so that she can visit me. Now it was just a waiting game.
The only thing I dreaded was an IV being put into me but that was also quick and painless. They started a saline drip and then now it was just waiting time as the anesthesiologist and urologist came to visit me to go over details. The anesthesiologist was funny and chill. The urologist came well over 1PM so I'm already late to my own surgery. The urologist marked my right leg to make sure he's removing the right one. The anesthesiologist gave me something to take the edge off and let me tell you it hit within minutes. I felt funny and high as they rolled me away to a room. All I can remember was going into the operation room and the nurses helping me switch over to the operating table and then it was lights out... I didn't even get to be awake long enough to do a countdown. I really wanted to do a countdown.
1 note · View note
silverloreley · 2 years ago
Note
Assuming the barrier doesn't completely nullify her powers (can even the barrier fully block elemental magic given by the Arendelle spirits?) & Elsa still has trouble controlling them, Bruno could probably actually help with that, since Elsa's power is similar to Pepa's (weather controlled by emotions) & he & Juli knew how to calm her down. & if the barrier does block it fully, then maybe he can help once she gets off/the barrier breaks & she can use her magic again and has no idea how to.
We know the Barrier lets some magic happen in minor ways, yet I'm still not certain Bruno could help Elsa that much, as we saw Pepa's control isn't that good even as an adult. After all, "think of clear skies" is only marginally better than "conceal don't feel". That doesn't mean Bruno wouldn't try, and taking her mind off the dark thoughts would help a bit. They have about a ten years age gap (Elsa was crowned at 21, Bruno must have been 30-something when he was sentenced) so he may feel like a big brother towards her, if given the chance (most likely after Cruella kicked him out, in my AU).
The problem wouldn't be as massive as on the outside anyway, as the Barrier is made specifically to block aggressive magic, so what we saw (Maleficent and Mal's glowing eyes, the Faciliers using shadows...) are minor things. Elsa probably only has an air of coldness around her body, can't suffer from the cold herself, and perhaps, in really extreme distress, freezes a bit (enough to shock an attacker, not enough for real harm), while Bruno likely has some strong feelings when something is about to happen, a vague precognitive ability, nothing more. He could barely explain his full prophecies, let alone those vague feelings. Nothing worrisome, so.
I think, out of everyone, the two of them would be actually relieved of being under the Barrier: it got rid of the worst parts of their curses and they could live a normal-ish life. At first. But I have this - honestly hurtful - theory about repressed magic becoming a problem in the long run.
Once the Barrier is gone, though? Well the two of them would have a really bad day. All of sudden, Bruno is overwhelmed by predictions that stayed dormant, while Elsa panics about having her magic again and panic becomes a snowstorm. Unless someone is there to calm her down or taught her more about magic in the meantime, of course (in any version of my au she married a magician, so he knew how to guide her and explain to her things about how magic works).
Once out for good, things would be lots better, especially because Elsa wouldn't be so tense after knowing Anna 100% forgave her and loves her still and she had been pardoned. Bruno would still have some hesitations, but he too would receive a pardon - in fact, an official apology from his wrongful imprisonment, as Ben realized there had been lots of those - and counseling with magicians that would clear the neutral nature of his visions.
There would be a moment, though, when things would feel weird and they'd need to support each other for something unexpected, which is when Carlos poked a hole in the Barrier (in book 1) and some magic came back/was unlocked. An event minor enough not to cause serious harm, yet a reminder their magic was still there, ready to be unleashed again. It would have been a moment of crisis for both, one they had to support each other to go through as no one else could quite understand that no, they didn't think their magic being back was a good feeling. (Now, if you excuse me, I have to go and try to write this bit, lol. Feel free to do too, I'd love to see your take of the issue!)
8 notes · View notes
denimbex1986 · 1 year ago
Text
'I’ve been excited for this film since I heard it announced last year, though perhaps not for the same reasons as everyone else. While most of the Internet went wild over the news about Andrew Scott and Paul Mescal being cast as gay lovers, I was more intrigued by what Andrew Haigh would have to say through the unique source material he chose for the project. The original Japanese novel Strangers follows a straight protagonist, but Haigh, who is a gay man himself, added a twist by making his protagonist gay. That in theory added a whole new emotional element to this story of meeting your parents after they’re long gone and saying all the things that went unsaid back then. How would the protagonist’s queerness affect his relationship with his parents as an adult? And as I suspected, this film packs an emotional wallop, with some of the most poignant and emotionally-resonant scenes of any film this year.
One thing I did not expect from this film was its deep meditation on loneliness in the modern age. Our protagonist, Adam, lives alone in the big city of London and doesn’t really have friends or relatives that he can talk to on a regular basis. This is mirrored in his living situation, as he lives on the 26th floor of a massive high-rise apartment building where seemingly nobody else lives. Adam mentions that he used to have friends in the city, but they’ve all since gotten married and moved out to the suburbs to raise families. As someone entering his 30’s and starting to experience this phenomenon himself, I felt personally attacked by this storyline – one doesn’t have to be gay to know the pain of losing friends to changes in lifestyle as we all grow older.
Adam strikes up a relationship with his neighbor, Harry, who is also experiencing his own bout of loneliness. The narrative shifts between Adam’s budding romance with Harry and his increasingly-frequent visits to see his “parents” in the burbs. He lies to them initially about his life, but eventually comes clean about his homosexuality, which brings out complicated emotions from his traditional parents. His mother has difficulty understanding it at first, while his father had suspected it all along, having worried about young Adam fitting in at school but never being able to bring the topic up with his son. It’s clear to me that Andrew Haigh put a lot of himself into this character and storyline; the film was partially shot at his literal childhood home after all. What I appreciated is that this queer storyline does not detract from the main one at all; in fact, it complements the theme of loneliness as Adam feels that his being gay sets him apart from other people somehow. That’s an interesting take that I haven’t seen much in queer media, which usually depicts the more freewheeling, easily-sociable side of the coin.
Adam’s visions become increasingly more erratic and nightmarish as he grows more and more dependent on his “parents” for validation and comfort. One particularly harrowing sequence sees Adam take ketamine at a nightclub with Harry, then have conflicting visions of his parents and of Harry, sometimes overlapping one another. He even takes Harry to his parents’ old home at one point, insisting that they are still in there, freaking Harry out and causing him to leave. There is a minor subtheme of mental illness underlying this story; Harry is clearly suffering from some kind of condition, and Adam is increasingly succumbing to his own worst tendencies as his visions spiral out of control. Haigh emphasizes that such issues stem from isolation, and that these characters’ loneliness amplifies these negative feelings that cause us to self-sabotage ourselves.
I was on this film’s wavelength until the very end, but have some issues with the way it wrapped everything up. **SPOILERS AHEAD!!** Adam eventually realizes he has to let his parents go, accepting that clinging to the past will not solve his problems and he has to move forward in life without them. He then goes to visit Harry, only to discover that he killed himself on the first night they met (when he initially rejected him) and Harry has appeared as a vision ever since. Rather than dismiss the ghost like his parents, Adam embraces him and acts as though nothing has changed between them. To me, this kinda undermines everything that came before it and leads to some mixed messaging. Why does Adam need to let his parents go, but then clings on to Harry immediately after? So it’s okay to use Harry for comfort but not his parents?? I’m not sure what takeaway I’m meant to be left with, or if it’s even a happy ending or not.
Still, it wasn’t enough to totally spoil my enjoyment of the film. All the emotional beats before that hit hard, especially the scenes with Adam’s parents. When his father apologizes for not being there for him when he cried, or when Adam told his mother about all the things he imagined them doing together if they’d survived, I was deeply moved. This is largely to do with the phenomenal acting, particularly from Andrew Scott. Apparently it’s the year of grown men embodying pre-teen children, as between him and Charles Melton in May December, there’s a lot of stunted growth and arrested development going on. Claire Foy and Jamie Bell were also believable as Adam’s parents, each with their own unique personality and not just the archetypal accepting, loving figures – they are complicated people in their own right. Paul Mescal was also good, though a bit one-note for me…he has charisma in spades, but he never quite felt like a real person to me.
Conclusion
All of Us Strangers doesn’t quite stick the landing, but it’s still a poignant and emotional meditation on loneliness and letting go of the past. Even as someone who isn’t gay and who still has both of his parents, I was affected by Adam’s story and connected with his feelings of isolation and yearning for something just out of his grasp. The acting ensemble is all great and the script by Andrew Haigh explores its themes well. An underrated gem!
VERDICT: A-'
1 note · View note
survey--s · 2 years ago
Text
467.
Tumblr media
Describe your hometown. What’s it like there? I grew up in a really safe, white, middle class country town lol. It was very pretty and had lots of nice landscaped parks and pedestrianised streets. I found it boring as a child but looking back there was a fair bit to do - we had a couple of cinemas, a bowling alley, a skating rink, bars and clubs and some decent shops and restaurants. It was a good place to raise kids but I’m glad I don’t live there as an adult.
What did you do yesterday evening? Absolutely nothing and it was heaven lol. We ordered chippy for tea and then just chilled on the sofa and watched movies. This is my first weekend off for weeks and it’s been SO nice to just chill. And for once I’ve not been sick, or had a sick dog to care for, or had horses or cats or whatever to feed lol.
Are you comfortable with leaving the house without any makeup on? I can’t remember the last time I left the house WITH make-up on.
Do you have any expensive hobbies? Horse-riding - my lessons cost me £35 a week and then beach rides/hacks out are at least £90 a go as well, but my dad VERY kindly gave me money towards riding this year for my birthday so I don’t need to worry so much about the cost anymore.
What length do you like to keep your nails at? Short, otherwise they get caught on leads and stuff at work.
Have you ever felt physical pain in a dream? I don’t think so.
What is the oldest online account that you still use? Probably my Yahoo! e-mail address.
Have you ever had Christmas carolers come to your house and sing for you? Yeah, a few times when I was younger, but it doesn’t really seem to be a “thing” anymore, at least - not since COVID.
Do you know anyone whose family has lived in the same house for…3+ generations? Not to my knowledge, no.
What was the last video game you beat? BeatStar - then they released an update for it which is really annoying and now I don’t really play it as much.
What’s your favorite Studio Ghibli film? I’ve never seen any of them.
What did you learn from your last failed relationship? That some people really aren’t worth it.
What country does your favorite band hail from? England.
What’s something on your to-do list that never actually gets done? Finish decorating the bathroom. It’s been two years since we started it and we’re still not even halfway through hahah. It’s just expensive and a hassle as it’ll involve being without a shower for a few days too.
Have you ever been really passionate about something but then lost interest? If so, what was it? Yeah - reading, for sure. I used to read everyday and would get through several books a week, but then I ended up on medication that killed my concentration span and I just never got back into it. I do read on holiday (like, by a pool or something) but that’s about it. It’s not that I don’t still enjoy it, I just got out of the habit really.
Do you sleep with the TV or the radio on? Not on purpose, but I’ve fallen asleep in front of the TV more than once.
What’s the worst thing about being male/female (whichever you are)? Periods, the pressure to have children and do traditionally female things.
What movie has the best special effects? I don’t really pay attention to that kind of thing.
How many work hours per week is too much for you? I work about 30 hours and that’s fine for me, but I work outdoors in a physical job so it’s much more tiring than working indoors sitting down, lol. I’ve done 40 hour weeks in this job and it nearly killed me, I was so sore and tired hahah.
What habit is essential to your daily life? Getting at least an hour of peace and quiet to myself, every single day.
What is your favorite documentary? Anything by Louis Theroux or David Attenborough.
When did you last have a vision test? Years ago, ha. I’m way overdue an eye test but it’s SO expensive to get new glasses that I keep putting it off lol.
What do you typically eat for breakfast? Lately it’s been peanut butter and sliced banana on toast with a coffee and a glass of fruit juice. I go through phases of eating the same thing for weeks then I switch to something else lol.
What are three things you need to do tomorrow? Go to work, feed the animals, spend time with my mum.
0 notes
phalangemedes · 6 days ago
Text
This is slightly tangential, forgive me, but it ties in with the outward vision of the Houses Vs Inner Workings and John leaning into the cult like utopian dream to keep people on-side:
I keep seeing discourse about how John is 'forgiving' and that's... a take. I don't believe he's capable of reconciliation that requires change from him, he'll let a few things pass by but I don't think it's, in the true sense, him forgiving, it's him making sure (mostly) his Lyctors know they have a black mark against their name. If he was capable of benevolence it would be through his nearest and dearest first, and he, in the most petulant way, uses their lives and company in a purely self serving nature. (Hunger Games Lysis Club, building G1deon from the ground up, telling Mercy they were good until she "killed him" which even when it didn't work and he KNEW it couldn't, he tantrum nuked her.)
Oh I have fun thoughts about Ortus! The building of fat is not necessarily from from indulgence but COULD be from restrictive diet and a negative effect on hormonal issues. There's thyroid issues, metabolism fuckery with salt and water excess, and things 'of the flesh' perhaps Bone City weren't necessarily all that au fait with. Also he is such a big sad sack, I hope, were it a more forgiving world, someone could take him to a GP and get him on something to help lmao
(Are we not all secretly a bit Ortus, the homoyearning Saint of Blorbo?)
I wonder HOW old the rest of the Houses allow people to naturally age to before it's seen as 'beyond worth it' because you'd thing they'd all have a perpetuity they don't. Cause they seem to have a more... not normal, but less Strict view on age than the Ninth. The Seventh are cool with young deaths, Dr Sex (you can assume) isn't monstrously old as he was still working diligently until the end, so the Sixth too, the Eight are snuffing out 30-40 year olds for their tiny twink batteries, The Fourth are throwing young parents at landmines...
Is Advanced Age a Ninth thing, a Tomb thing.. an Anastasia thing!? I'd love to know what purpose it serves. Cause some of it is 'oops all the babies are dead and we need to keep the numbers up' but it's so hard to tell with the rest!
In that vain I also hope they don't rush her. If it bifurcates into ANOTHER two books? Oh noo. What a shame~ Tor, we need you to understand, we will purchase them anyway. a 1000 page book or two 450's. Hell, If you release a set of them with (actually) matching dust jackets I'd upend my piggy bank.
haha is that not just the series in a nutshell? You can frame most of the Houses as 'pretty good' if you swing it right, I think it's why they work so well (and honestly even canonically how John keeps shit going. 'Oh yeah no we have no slave labour, everyone is guaranteed the space to have a family an- oh the souls and eugenics? Noo, if you'd just look at this nice pamphlet I've had made up.. It's laminated') There's enough depth to each of them, even those less trodden, for them to feel tangible enough people could not just live there but also, to an extent, thrive there.
I still have that fear for that very reason, I have nothing but praise for her doing what's right for the story but also, A n x i e t y. Palamedes had a target on his overtly friendly ass that I doubt has dimmed by the melange, nor, will, if you wanna follow along biblically. Saint Paul's thing is being a changed buddy who shares. (Paranoid about fires on the Mithraeum-o'clock, because what is that ship if not God's holiest of places, his Rome? I just hope lysis IS the martyrdom.. so that doesn't happen too. I need your pretty head staying on Cam's pretty shoulders sweetcheeks, my mental health is possibly unwisely quite reliant on it)
Likewise I don't think death is the worst thing that happens in this universe.
Same to a massive extent! On my first read, I, as I imagine many people did, picked it up because it was marketed at Lesbian Necromancers In Space and though 'haha, neat, and it's written by a woman so it probably wont be a rapey sci-fantasy nightmare!' and the first read of GtN, IS OF COURSE, a fucking wild ride. And I got HtN when it was released and read it too and it was a just gut punchingly astonishing glimpse into mental health, yearning turned up to 11 and the twists and turns were mesmerising.. and I ENJOYED the series thoroughly. I remember talking to a friend about it all 'Oh these are straight 8 out of 10, but they kind of left me feeling a bit...like something was lacking?' and then I read Nona. And cried through pretty much the whole latter 3rd and had a 'Ohh. Oh. Oh wait. Wait.' and it was like I'd read a different series, like something monumental had slotted into place and snapped something inside me that whispered 'HAH! get fucked. You thought you could only have life changing media as a child? naive'
That first re-read after Nona? oh my GOD. This isn't to say I don't love Harrow and G2deon, I do! They're such lovely kids, but they are not the Essence du Tombeau, just the lens I, personally, view it through. (Some of this may just be I Am Not A Teenager Anymore so younger protags stick less, some of it might just be I relate more to how “broken” other characters are & That’s not my problem, but my therapistssss)
I absolutely agree too, I think the way it was handled was unusually sweet and not in an overly saccharine way either. The main "shock" wasn’t that it happened but it was actually in character? You get so used to deaths, or ends, in books being NARRATIVELY driven either for drama or to tie up loose ends (and that's not to say this isn't, it obviously plays a part) that when it's just a quiet moment between two people who would share a quiet moment? And yes you could argue Going Loud was a big flashy but it was for a reason, it was a character driven choice, that, were it QUIETER wouldn't necessarily have changed anything. But it mattered to them. (And it put the shits right up Ianthe and BoE, which I assume was the point, whilst allowing them the support of Cam's sister and Pal's mum and, at distance, poor Pyrrha)
Nice! Same, to be able to express it and unpack things is a treat. Especially because it's such a complex subject matter, rubber-ducking/social-learning to/with someone who knows and cares makes it easier to parse, absorb and expand on things
I have such a big beef with the way that the TLT fandom talks about Cam and Pal being codependent. I have not seen any word of god quotes that talk about them that way, but it seems to be this widely accepted truth that just doesn't click with my reading of the characters.
Certainly by NtN Pal has a dependent relationship with Cam, as they are sharing a body. There are even some parallels to codependency with how their use of necromancy in Cam's body causes her harm.
What I just don't get about the codependent label is that I don't see Cam and Pal enabling one or the other in destructive behavior. Certainly they partake in risky behavior that Pyrrah criticizes them for, but it seems to be a mutual decision. Cam is just as reckless as Pal is, and possibly moreso.
(And also Pyrrah is a huge projecting hypocrite. Love her tho I may, it's true.)
Pal's quotes about how grand lysis wasn't their inevitable end, but was the best and kindest option left to them complements the discussions we overhear in their recordings. Pal's pursuit of Cam's consent and her enthusiasm in giving it just doesn't match the codependent relationship that fans keep referencing.
70 notes · View notes
greysfall · 3 years ago
Text
My 4444-word review of NEO TWEWY (with personal illustration + heavy spoilers)
Tumblr media
My overall critical score for the game is 7.5/10, while my personal enjoyment score is 8.5/10. This review is posted as I have 80% completed the game, got the secret ending and achieved the Angel psychic rank. I’ll first start with the main pros and cons as follows.
PROS:
-        Enjoyable as a whole, still upholding the first game’s spirit in world building and sharing the same backbone - which was mostly revealed in the Secret Reports, it’s impossible to grasp the story without reading them.
-        The new cast and new game is charming in their own way
-        The old cast’s return is one of the biggest highlights for sure, it was fun and impactful. Everyone stays true to themselves and also had their own stories wrapped up nicely.
-        Boss designs are cool, new pins are fun to use and collect
-        The connection between the old and new cast is well written and executed, including but are not limited to the tension between the old and new protagonist, the weird but fun interaction between the 2 Composers, the new friendships revealed and formed
-        Sho being in the main cast is something so uniquely TWEWY and uniquely Sho
-        Still good music
-        Still many fun side quests, some of them really uphold the same quirky spirit of the old game and some are surprisingly touching
-        Many new nice stores and yummy looking foods to explore
-        The map is really easy to memorize for me, it’s fun to travel around the “current” Shibuya to see all the differences compared to the past
-        The social network is crazy and interesting to read through
-        Has an anti-frustration system to help 100% complete the game more easily and earn money faster, so post-game is relatively managable.
-        Overall, I really feel the efforts the team poured into making this as their passion project, not just during the development process but for all the last 14 years. They showed the vision of what they wanted to make, at the same time giving something to both the old as well as new fans.
CONS:
-        The biggest problem with the game is scenario writing. The story is so heavily back-loaded. The director himself thought it would be better to balance out the tension flow by adding more at the beginning but gave in to the scenario writer in the end, probably due to time pressure. This results in an underwhelming execution of characterization and lots of wasted potentials for the first half of the game.  
-        I struggle to view it as a stand-alone game, since the backstory and the old cast both play such an important role in the core of the game. If someone plays this game without having played the OG, they can only enjoy it on surface value at best.
-        The new cast is nice but most of them aren’t quite as intriguing as the old cast, maybe it’s cuz they’re all too nice deep down that they lack a little bit of an edge, of that batshit craziness that everyone in the OG used to have? I think some characters (Fret, Nagi) ended up weaker in terms of characterization because the writer is too afraid of making them unlikeable – which kind of backlashed cuz they only became likable in the most expectable way to cater for a specific group of fans. I would have wished for the other team leaders to be more crazy too, had they not suffered 30+ loops of the Game…
-        The CAMERAWORK IS HELL.
-        Gameplay does get tedious at certain points with all the time travels.
-        Shiba is so badly written as a villain, some Shinjuku characters should be given more screentime cutting into Shiba’s– like Hishima or Kaie or even, Hazuki (though his limited presence also solidified his importance).
-        Some of the main character designs, for example Beat’s hairstyle and his food reactions are hilariously bad. What’s the point of covering up most of his unique facial features?
-        Some of the minor/side characters’ design are too cool for them to have such a small role (eg: Ayano, Eiru). Ryoji did get much screentime but is nowhere as fun as Makoto was.
-        Overall the scope of this game is made a little too big for the team to handle as perfectly as the last game that was very compact, it felt somewhat rushed in development too so the missing pieces are clearly there in the final picture
The entry fee versus paying for it all in the end
An important difference between the Neo game and the original Shibuya game was that the Shibuya rule asked for an entry fee that is the Player’s most important asset, stated as a chance the Composer gives them to reexamine themselves. Meanwhile, the Shinjuku rule neither encourages nor allows personal growth and ultimately aims to erase as many Players as possible. It’s a pity we were never introduced to the full Shinjuku rulebook, as it seems like the system there focuses more on building up power and a grand government to compare with the individuality-driven system of Shibuya.
When you have to compare the new game and the original game (OG), this is an important factor to consider. Also, the OG has a serious storyline running through and through, locked with a different partner/GM creating unique atmosphere for each week and you don’t get to see your old partners again until the end. NEO’s team system does not allow such deep insight and communication between the Players. All of your teammates are always there throughout, the dynamic does change with each new addition but it is not as prominent as a partner change.
Another important factor is how the OG was built from scratch for a new platform as “something no one has ever seen before”, while Neo recycled a lot of old unused ideas from the previous development (check out this interview for more details). The development team for NEO lacks 2 key members and had a change of writer so the final product is not as strongly bound together as the last game.
The new cast is definitely inspired by today’s teenagers (from the view of creators), compared to the old cast they’re more sociable and always seem to take whatever works for them despite feeling unstable inside. They are all innocent and genuinely nice kids, avoiding to hurt each other to a degree that they end up keeping some sort of distance. They’re also unable to communicate at deeper levels, always stagnant at this half-baked stage of equilibrium without any motivation to get to the core of things. That is the cost of entering the game without an entry fee, without even dying or having a reason to be there/to fight seriously. These kids were stolen from the RG into a Game that was decidedly the worst environment for them to change or develop, just wandering around cluelessly to find a way “out” until tragedies started to unfold one by one and they ended up being charged the total sum of the price for their actions – ultimately losing everything in the end.
That is, I believe, a story arc which can resonate more to the youth of today rather than of my generation. If the message of the old game was to “listen”, enjoy life to the fullest and accept to trust others, the message of the new game is to “speak up” from the inside, trying to understand yourself and take actions instead of just going with the flow and finally, to take responsibility for such actions.
If Neku was handpicked by the Composer for being the special one with an all-dense soul to ensure victory of the game then Rindo was just a normal kid chosen out of random by Kubo to be his back-up plan, who just happened to have a high enough imagination to awaken the incredible power from his pin. Rindo was then officially chosen by the Composer as Josh picked up and handed the pin to him again, this time not as Josh’s personal Proxy – but as the Proxy to represent the normal people of Shibuya and via whom he could gamble if humans can fight for their own fate.
The underworld heroine and the hero with little of his own
Tumblr media
Shoka is for me a refreshing and layered heroine. She’s the kind of character that took at least 3 trials of creators to form as a complete individual – that included Nomura who gave her the base design and Reaper background, Gen who gave a more cunning touch and the writers who made her English dialogues more punchy. Dishonesty equals “tsundere” is such a cliché, so the English writers tried really hard to avoid that trope in my opinion, while still letting her good intention come through.
She serves as the character who is informed of everything the players should have known, and there was almost nothing she could do about it. Almost. Until she met Rindo.
They were drawn to each other by sharing a state of “not having anything of their own”. They both started out with not being able to truly know themselves, Shoka even hated her RG life but also managed to mature from that stage before Rindo. She must have vibed with Shiki’s love and passion in the Gatto Nero threads, initiating her connection with Shibuya and understanding herself more. With Shoka as Swallow, they were able to open up to each other and offer mental support… but was still not getting to the centre of their problems because for all this time, Shoka could not tell Rindo the most important things about herself.
How did Shoka feel when she met Rindo at the UG? She probably didn’t want to hope that he would live the day until she witnessed the Twisters’ potentials. From the very beginning, they were both incredibly conscious of each other and also constantly frustrated that the person they happened to “notice” was such a condescending bitch/a clueless loser. The Shinjuku Reapers are overall quite drunk in power and uncompassionate to Players, Shoka included. She is also a master of dissociation, which results in her constant boredom, tone swings, haughtiness and subconsciously distancing herself from the friend – the boy she cares about – from false hope, as she judged from facts that it was a hopeless situation where nothing could ever be. Maybe she is naturally a bit of a chameleon just like her name suggests (Shoka 紫陽花 = hydrangea, the color-changing flower), so putting on an act and always dissociating herself from what’s important was easy, while hiding her contradiction was impossible. It was the ex-Reaper Beat who broke it out to her, that she should decide whether she really cared and wanted to do something for a change. He knew how it felt like to cross that line, and knew she wanted to too.  
Shoka is endeared by many of the Shinjuku Reapers and has shown independent acts of kindness (the Shinjuku ghost), proving that her kind and truthful side is as real as her harsh and dishonest side – which makes her a nice mirror to the previous heroine Shiki, who also embraced a dichotomy of self-complex and self-love within her character. In the end, she was the first of the new cast to ultimately accept all that is important to her and independently made the decision to help save Shibuya despite all costs.
She was jealous at Rindo’s interaction with Tsugumi and Kanon but remained silent cuz she wasn’t at a place to have any say about it. She also didn’t reveal about Swallow because that would only add an awkward irrelevance to their current situation, as she was too ready to face erasure at the end of the Game. She only wished to “play a game” with him, be it FanGo or the Reapers’ Game. The tension that the team could only feel at the end, she’s felt it the entire time. The song “DIVIDE” is applicable to not just one bond in the game, but it always makes me think of theirs. There is always a “divide” between her and Rindo throughout the course of their journey, as the living and the dead, as a Player and Reaper, as someone who has a place to return to and someone who doesn’t, someone who knows little but wields too much power and someone who knows a lot despite not being able to do much.
“If only I had the chance to connect with you on the other side
But time goes on, and without us realizing it
The battle is getting heated
Time goes on, and without us realiazing it
Divided again”
To be honest, maybe I didn’t grow any affection for the new main cast from Rindo’s perspective but from Shoka’s. Since I started to sympathize with Shoka, I started to see the boy in a more “real” way. The real Rindo, behind his peaceful façade with others, would lash out on Shoka for her unfairly harsh attitude while none of the others cared. He could also subtly feel that mantle of unspoken secrets from her, her own contradictions, the unresolved chemistry between themselves – and not knowing what to do with it rather than to feel angry with all the unfairness he could not process. (As a Libra too, he’s triggered the most by unfairness!)
It is actually a positive development as he’s at least “reacting” to something strongly now rather than to keep evading his problems. During my replay, I clearly saw the difficult situation Shoka was in, her remaining harshness after the Motoi incident was due to her internal struggle with a mission to save her own life, versus a chance to really be with the team. Her decision was to do both at the risk of losing favour from both sides. Rindo started to accept her layer by layer, as the person who resonated the most to her contradicting nature from the start and knew that via learning her resolve, he has learnt his too.
Later into the game, she even got too much of his attention. Maybe even without knowing she’s Swallow, he’s familiar with her thinking direction and Swallow had always been closer to him than any other friend. It was only after she had to betray her important ones twice that she could start being truly honest. The scene when she died a 2nd time left a strong impression in me, the little reveal let Rindo know that he is also losing Swallow as he’s losing Shoka – and that only death could drive the last secret out of her. Her final “Later, loser” echoed through Rindo as it was the final truth, with only him remaining to hear it: they had actually, already lost everything.
Rindo was the boy who never dared to face all that matters to him until he lost it all, fighting an unfair battle in the faith that they would somehow still win. Shoka was the girl who always knew what was dear to her, but never dared to think she could be together with them ever after and still threw her all into a battle she knew was losing. I think they stir each other on naturally to fill out their gaps, similar to what the Shibuya game partner systerm would have aimed for. The end reward was a little divine intervention to help close up the divide between them once and for all.  
During the game there was not enough space to process anything personal so at the ending when they officially became “friends”, it was an important affirmation of their bond. Some people complained it was friendzoning but it’s not, they just have arrived at the perfect place to start something more. “From now on, we will truly be together” – I read it as that kind of message.  
The heroine from a lost battle, with her story taken away
Tumblr media
After reading the secret reports and playing the game to be surprised of how small a role Tsugumi had in the main game despite being the “Hype-chan” thought to be a major character of the next TWEWY installment, many fans would feel sad at a missed opportunity to see the Shinjuku arc in full depiction.
It was shown clearly that, a Shinjuku arc was very carefully planned out and is a vital part of the whole story, yet it could not be made due to various circumstances behind the development scene. I would assume, that the team were not able to make a TWEWY game that ended on a despairing note, but it already happened in their mind, thus becoming a mental burden that forced them to break away from it and started the game anew with NEO. A significant part of NEO became the healing arc for the Shinjuku characters, especially for Tsugumi though I really wished more emphasis should have been placed on her rather than Shiba. We didn’t even get to see her brother – Shinjuku’s Conductor who had a vital role and instead was given the clueless Shiba, who had absolutely no idea what’s going on all the way until the last day in NEO. It’s as if Tsugumi has had her story stolen away from her, because her own battle ended with a saddening loss.
I think every time the game creators look at Tsugumi, they would feel that sadness too. Maybe to them, she is a bigger character than what is seen by the fans, as despite their failed effort to depict her story, she’s lived in their mind for all these years through periods of destruction, healing and rebuild.  Though it is a pity we could not get to experience the full scope of the Shinjuku story, the creators was clear about the place they wished for it to arrive at.    
Individuality, connection and the social network
Tumblr media
The team system adapted from Shinjuku rulebook does not allow much room for personal development, as the team dynamic is closer to a work relationship forced to bear results, than a spiritual bond to max out all corners of understanding as found in the partnership system. The old Shibuya system allowed only 1 winner and 1 week limit per game, while the new rule declares for a 1 winning team and only the team at last place will be erased – the other teams will enter another loop. Furthermore, whichever team to challenge the unwinnable Ruinbringers will face the risk of ending up dead last followed by erasure. As a result, the longest-standing teams are most likely not the strongest ever recorded, but the ones who have figured out a strategy to simply survive until something changes, enjoying their newly found social constructs while they are at it. Basically, it is a system to hypnotise players into the illusion that they are still “living”.
Therefore, we as players would not get to the core of each Player individually as fast and directly as we did in the last game. The Twisters were able to stand out not because they’re powerful, they only started to have a real chance after growing enough to each form a meaningful and personal connection to another teammate. It did not come as a team, nor did it intiate from the existing friendship between Rindo and Fret. In fact, I did not find much solidity or anything truly note-worthy about the main team and new characters within themselves until they started clashing with other team members, Reapers and new recruits from week 2 onwards. Rindo found his personal development with Shoka (via a clash with Motoi and pretty much a mini dating sim between them), then via the confrontation of his role with Neku; Fret found his with Kanon then Nagi, the team learned about the real Neku via Beat, Neku entered the UG via Coco’s wish to save Tsugumi… it was not the team but their personal links that empowered them to fight and solve each of their problems.
The other team leaders may have failed because they did not form such personal links, after 30+ hopeless loops Fuya’s team all fell apart to pursue their own interest even at the cost of erasure, Motoi quit his KOL façade to work like a dog for the Reapers (probably to save just his own ass not his team), while Kanon dropped her tricks to find changes via honest cooperation in acceptance of a fair loss. The despairing note in that is huge without making much of a scene because their failure didn’t happen at their best effort to “win”, but in their last attempt to find a way “out”. Even Shiba got his way “out” in the end thanked to his personal friendship with Hishima and Tsugumi.
Something has shifted in the mindset of the game creators in the last 14 years, as both games are about ��connection vs individuality” but the last game focuses more on connection between just individuals and this one on the overall network that is formed out of those individual connections.
The introduction of Beat into the main cast was truly the bridge between old and new, they helped each other out in several turns before officially recruiting him. Beat is a character whom a lot of fans including myself have felt somewhat concerned about after Neku disappeared from the RG, so when the new kids welcomed Beat with warm and organic interaction and Beat seemed happy, I started to feel like I wanted to help them out too! I think the overall team chemistry is enjoyable enough for new players, but I could warm up to the new kids more from the pov of a returning character – whom I’m glad to be Beat, as the older brother figure who is genuinely kind, fun, serious and upbeat at the same time; who is needed and needs the kids in return.
The social network is a fun and refreshing feature. You can read all of the crazy tidbits about Shibuya and the links each character have formed with the town people, it’s also fun to visualize how the characters act off screen. Characters’ profiles provide extra insight into their background too, like how it reveals Tsugumi has been friend with Coco during her time in the RG. During the game when not all characters have showed up, you can sometimes guess which empty spot will belong to whom. For example there is a 1 character linking to Neky that is not linked to anyone else, so I could guess that was Joshua, and that another character linking only to Joshua was probably Hazuki, hinting that the 2 Composers are related before either of them even showed up.
Tumblr media
Hazuki only showed up for 5 minutes, but his presence is so vital and true to the game that I think he is the most memorable out of the new cast. The two Composers have such an intriguing bond, with their yin/yang or phoenix/dragon themes, opposite color design, the sempai/kouhai tone and the way they keep some sort of distance/work relationship as if it’s mandatory between Higher beings, yet at the same time they can talk so casually because they are truly equal – and different from one another. I have written a separate meta on them here.
Some people pointed out, that all Shinjuku characters’ names and themes are based off Hanafuda cards and the Phoenix in Hanafuda belongs to the Paulownia suit – which is Joshua’s name flower. This is so interesting because it feels like the creators somehow saw it as a sign to interweave the Shibuya and Shinjuku storylines together. Though it doesn’t come out much on the surface, it’s fascinating nonetheless considering both Josh and Haz had at some point interfered with the other town’s affairs.
“Shibuya tour with Haz” was such a special scene, as it happened between 2 characters who do not/no longer have a reason to care about Shibuya, on the subject of what is worth saving about Shibuya. Hazuki carried out the purification of Shinjuku and stepped in to restore Shibuya just as part of his job and unlike Hanekoma or Joshua who both possess profound understanding of humanity, he really didn’t know humans at all. Rindo’s irrational wish invoked in him a sense of curiosity, to try gambling on something irrationally and learning a bit of what his senior have experienced. With all the pieces put together, it provides an overview on Higher beings as a whole, and that Joshua and Hanekoma are really the odd ones out with Hazuki being somewhere in between them and the rest.        
The old friends
Tumblr media
It’s easy to have returning characters overshadow the new cast as they have already matured out of their personal story arc and stayed in our hearts for all this time. In the end, I have managed to enjoy both the old and new cast separately and altogether, and they will both find their own place in our memory of this game for the long term.
Sho is truly as crazy as ever, the game wouldn’t be the same if Sho is any less of what he is. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like Neky or Beat is younger than Nagi at all, with moments when it seems like Neky has aged 14 years instead of 3 years. His friendship with Coco surprised me pleasantly, and their interaction together with Beat was fun to watch. Rhyme’s found a new dream and her friendship with Kaie is precious too, especially considering that she can still talk to him online after the game ended. Josh and Neku’s interaction suggested that they have resolved the past and are on equal terms now, they even parted ways in good spirit and I don’t feel any worry about them like I did before.
Tumblr media
Neku and Shiki’s reunion scene was beautiful, theirs is such a special bond that it has grown and supported them even without being able to see each other. I am so happy to see them all again and that they stay true to who they are, albeit looking more grown up, cooler and happier than ever before.  
Overall, NEO can’t become a classic on par with the OG, but is definitely a good sequel and a good game in its own rights. I’m happy with whether or not there will be a 3rd game to complete the 3 monkeys theme, but if there will be – I hope the creators can really find the time to learn from the last 2 games and start over with a fresh mindset and strong core.  
182 notes · View notes
floralseokjin · 4 years ago
Text
⤑ made-up love song ix.
Tumblr media
Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin doesn’t go so well, nor your second, or your third… and maybe that’s because it shouldn’t work on paper. You’re an elementary school teacher, never left the country despite hitting the third decade of your life not so long ago, and you’re unable to remember the last time you dated. He’s the dad of one of your students, nearly a decade older than you and divorced. Oh yes, and just another minor detail – he’s a multimillionaire. 
Your lives are lightyears apart, yet somehow, your paths having now crossed, things just seem to fall into place…
pairing; kim seokjin x reader   au/genre/warnings; strangers to lovers, romance, single dad! seokjin, ceo! seokjin, elementary school teacher! oc, age gap (oc is 30, seokjin is 37), seokjin is a dilf, angst, soojung and oc’s mother being the best, minor food mention (not feeling hungry when stressed), hope, the tiniest bit of fluff, a cliffhanger of sorts!  words; 6,161 
Read Seokjin’s chapter ix here
↪︎ chapter index
chapters; i • ii • iii  • iv • v • vi • vii • viii • ix • x • epilogue (+ drabbles)
Tumblr media
Soojung found you curled up on the sofa a few hours later when she came home from work. You’d tried watching television, hoping the distraction would be successful but your mind just wouldn’t switch off, replaying the day’s earlier events. You didn’t want to think just yet but that’s all your mind could do. Going around and around in circles. Hearing Soojung’s keys in the door you felt a wave of nausea knowing you’d have to talk about it. Not that you didn’t want to confide in your best friend, it was just explaining everything meant that it was all real… 
She stuck her head around the door, sounding momentarily confused. “What are you doing back already? I wasn’t expecting you until la– Y/N?” She caught the look on your face immediately and just like she knew something was up. She rushed over. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”
Instantly you felt your face crumble, tears blurring your vision. “It’s stupid really,” you insisted, wiping your eyes as she came to join you, a protective arm wrapping around your shoulders. The small action at least made you feel a little better. “I don’t understand why I’m crying.” You hadn’t felt the need to cry until now. Maybe it was because you could always be vulnerable with your best friend. You didn’t need to be strong. She’d seen you at your worst. 
“Did…Did you guys argue?” She sounded unsure, confused as to what could be the issue. 
You sniffed, composing yourself. “No. Not really,” you let out a groan, “oh, god, Soo. It was awful. Seokjin’s ex-wife turned up…” 
You spent the next fifteen minutes telling her what happened, although a lot of it was a blur of raised voices and insults. One thing you knew for certain though, was that you’d never felt so awkward in your entire life. You’d watched your boyfriend arguing with his ex-wife feeling so incredibly out of the loop it was embarrassing. 
You’d never demanded to know every single detail about his marriage – you hadn’t even wanted to know. It wasn’t your business after all, nor did you want Seokjin to relive things he didn’t want to, or dwell on the past. You understood that more than anyone, what with your relationship with Donghae, but he’d openly revealed a lot to you. He’d confided in you, shared some hurtful details of his divorce and in turn you had entrusted him with your own past, your own bad memories… 
There had been many surprises this afternoon, but one certain revelation kept replaying in your head. It was all you could think about. To learn he’d left out something as major as getting cheated on… Having to find out like that… You were still reeling from the bombshell. Why hadn’t he told you? You’d both been through the same thing… Didn’t he trust you enough? You didn’t understand and you couldn’t stop yourself from feeling hurt. 
“You don’t think he’s still in love with her, do you?” Soojung asked hesitantly. 
“No,” you shook your head. Regardless of the mess that were your thoughts right now, you didn’t think that at all. Yes, it was easy to let your doubts take over in the first few moments you’d set eyes on Nana, she was beautiful, although you hadn’t expected anything less, but you knew not to feel paranoid when it came to that. Regardless of today’s shock, you didn’t doubt Seokjin’s feelings for you, and you knew very well he no longer loved his ex-wife. 
“I think he’s just very bitter about everything,” you continued. “Mostly about how infrequently she sees Arin.” 
“Do you think it’s a problem?” 
Shrugging slightly, you didn’t really know what to say. “She’s been seeing her quite often lately. There was last weekend, but it shouldn’t have been that much of an issue.” Seokjin hadn’t been angry over that, or at least he hadn’t let on he was… Maybe he had and had just hid it well. With that thought, you remembered something. “It was just her face… while Seokjin was saying all those things to her. She looked so upset… I’ve never seen him like that.” 
It had been jarring seeing him so angry. He was usually soft-spoken and well-mannered. Even when he was irritated he stayed silent. You understood that he was only human, everyone had emotions, and his had bubbled over today, but it was still surprising. You hadn’t been expecting to be in the middle of a shouting match between him and his ex-wife. 
“But you knew they didn’t get on?” Soojung gently prodded, rubbing your upper back. 
“Yeah.” You swallowed. “Just seeing it in person… I can’t believe he didn’t tell her about us.” 
Your mind was all over the place, unable to concentrate on one issue for long enough. You really had been living in your own little world this entire time. So incredibly happy and blissfully content. It had been so easy to forget that Nana existed when it came to your relationship with Seokjin. To you, she was just Arin’s mom, who she spoke about sometimes, but not very often, in your presence. It was easy to put her to the back of your mind, it was easy not to think of her at all. Why would you? You didn’t even know what she looked like until today. All the photos you’d seen of a younger Seokjin, of Arin as a baby, had never once included her. You knew who she was, knew her name, but that was all. 
So you’d just assumed she knew about you too. You’d assumed Seokjin had told her without needing any confirmation. You’d assumed she’d known that you would be looking after Arin last weekend. You’d assumed she was perfectly fine with it. In reality she had no clue you existed. You were almost certain Seokjin hadn’t done it maliciously, he wasn’t that type of man, but seeing him today, how casually he had brushed off her concerns… As much as it had hurt to be thought of as a stranger, you understood why that was the case. Seokjin hadn’t. As stubborn as always, he refused to see where he had done wrong. 
“That is a bit odd,” Soojung agreed. “And even though she was a bitch to you, I guess I’d be pissed too if I found out the way she had.” 
You snorted softly. Soojung had been ready to fight when she’d first heard the things Nana had said to you, but she knew you were fine, you could handle yourself. “Ugh, it’s all such a mess,” you groaned. “I would’ve never looked after Arin last weekend if I’d known Nana had no clue.” You should have made sure. Why hadn’t you?
“I guess Seokjin had his reasons,” Soo reasoned. “Maybe he knew how his ex would react.” 
“Maybe,” you agreed before sighing. “I don’t know. There’s things he never told me either.” Maybe you were finding out that Seokjin was a very secretive person, who knew… “She cheated on him, Soo.” You were back there again. Soojung hummed in understanding. “Is it silly of me to be upset?” 
“No, it’s valid.” 
“I told him about Donghae,” you whispered. “I really opened up to him and he was so sweet and understanding. Why didn’t he tell me he’d been through the same thing?” No matter how many times you went through it in your head you couldn’t think of an answer. It didn’t make sense. Especially because he’d opened up to you so easily in regard to everything else. What made this so different?
“Maybe he just didn’t want to make it about him,” Soojung offered. 
“I don’t know… Maybe.” You groaned, thinking you were being selfish. He probably had a good reason when he didn’t tell you. There were more pressing issues right now anyway… You knew that, and immediately your head begin to spin again. 
“The whole stepmom thing,” you muttered, “it’s left me a little frazzled.” 
Soojung kept up with your disorderly thoughts expertly. “In what way?” 
You gave a little shrug, voice barely there because you didn’t want to admit it out loud. “It made me question things…”
“I thought you liked where things were heading?” Your best friend couldn’t hide the shock from her voice. 
“I do,” you replied, “or at least, I did.” Where were things actually heading? You didn’t know anymore. “I just wasn’t really thinking.”
“Of what it all meant?” 
You nodded slowly. “I lost myself for a while.” 
In a way, you had been in your own little bubble for these past few months – you, Seokjin and Arin. You’d had the most amazing summer, falling harder and harder for Seokjin and in the process Arin had captured your whole heart. She was such a sweet little girl, humorous and thoughtful, Seokjin and Nana had brought her up well. Your time together had been incomparable, your happiness unmatched, but in the process you’d ignored a few things. 
“So what are you saying?” Soojung asked gently. 
Your throat felt dry. “I’m afraid it’s all moving too fast.” 
It was a lot to take in. You had been together barely four months but here you were thinking about the word stepmom. How scary the word sounded, how scary it felt…
“You want to slow it down?”
“It’s probably too late for that,” you chuckled quietly. You felt your heart squeeze. “Soojung, I think I’m in love with him.” 
It felt almost relieving to confess such a thing, despite your heavy heart over today. Your feelings had been harder and harder to ignore these past couple of weeks, but you’d tried your best, not wanting to rush anything. Right now you were confused and hurt, but one thing was blatantly clear. You loved him. 
“It’s scary,” you whispered, feeling Soo rub your back again, listening silently. “Falling so fast.” Especially after everything you’d been through with Donghae. You were scared. Despite opening up your heart to Seokjin easily, this was different. Things seemed so complicated now, when not six hours ago they had been nothing more than simple. 
“Today was a massive reality check,” you scoffed. “I’ve been spending these past few months playing house with Seokjin and Arin, it was bound to catch up with us sometime.” 
“You liked it though,” your best friend encouraged, voice gentle. “I’ve never seen you so happy… Not since… Well, not even then.” 
“Everything just felt so… perfect,” you agreed. Everything had slotted into place easily. “And natural, and just, nice.” For lack of a better word. Your brain was pulp. 
“Arin obviously felt comfortable enough to call you her stepmom in front of her own mom?” You didn’t even notice Soojung’s change of direction. 
“I don’t know, I think she was just confused. You know what kids are like together. She heard her friend talking about it and they probably got excited.”
“Would you like to be her stepmom?”
You paused then, realising what had just happened. She knew you well, knew what was bothering you, conflicting your mind. You gave her a small smile. “She’s a sweet child, but it’s not that simple right now. It’s not only my decision either.” 
Truthfully you hadn’t thought about it before today, but now it was one of the things at the forefront of your mind. If everything worked out okay then you and Seokjin would only grow more serious. From strength to strength and what did that mean? However, now you knew that Nana wasn’t exactly your biggest fan… You felt fresh frustration, deflated yet again. Today had gone terrible. 
“You’re right,” Soojung agreed, “but it’s something you need to be comfortable with too.” 
That was true. These were things you needed to talk about with Seokjin. Then again, maybe you should’ve talked about them before. You had no clue how he felt regarding the topic, well… not explicitly anyway. 
“Seokjin comparing the both of us made me feel horrendous.” You found yourself admitting. “I’m not trying to be Arin’s mother. I wasn’t even trying to be her stepmother. Not yet. I haven’t thought about it until now. I just… I loved being a part of her life in my own little way.” 
You never wanted to replace Nana. You hated thinking like this, but what if Seokjin had been looking for that the whole time? A new mother for his daughter… You were almost positive that wasn’t the case, but you were so drained right now, your mind was all over the place. You kept replaying in your head what he had shouted at Nana over and over again. 
“He can’t expect you to take on that role, not when she already has a mother,” Soojung said carefully. “But you can be there for Arin in other ways – in similar ways. You’ve been teaching and caring for kids for years, so I hope you’re not undermining your capabilities.” 
You smiled then, grateful, leaning on her shoulder. “Thank you.” You definitely weren’t doing that but being a teacher and a mother were two totally different things. Especially when it wasn’t your biological child. 
“Ugh, I’m just exhausted,” you groaned, laying back against the sofa and shutting your eyes. “My head’s a mess.” You didn’t want to talk about it any longer, switching off sounded really good right now and Soojung understood that perfectly. 
She tapped your arm. “I’m going to cancel my plans with Tae.” You opened your eyes, mouth open ready to fight. “He’ll be fine.” She insisted. “Me and you are gonna get takeout and ice cream and just stop thinking. We’re going to pull the One Tree Hill boxset out and pretend we’re still in high school.” 
You weren’t going to lie, that did sound like fun. It was also foolproof. You’d been doing it since you were seventeen, when Soojung had got dumped for the first time. “Great idea.” 
She leaned in for a hug. “You told him you need space to think, so that’s what you’re going to do. But not tonight. No rush.” 
As she pulled back you took her hand, giving it a soft squeeze. “I love you.” 
“And I love you,” she grinned. “Now, let me grab my phone.”  
Tumblr media
You woke up early the next morning, like really early, 5am, which wasn’t ideal seeing as you’d struggled to get to sleep the night before. Your mind and heart felt heavy, but you forced yourself to get up and shower because there was no point trying to fall back to sleep for an hour. You had school, and that meant you had to try your best to look presentable for the kids – and happy. A bunch of 6-7 year olds were scarily talented at reading an adult’s mood you’d come to find out. 
You didn’t eat much of your breakfast, which wasn’t a surprise because when you were stressed or sad you never felt practically hungry anyway, and left for work long before Soojung even had a chance to wake up, thinking your classroom so early in the morning might give you some sense of clarity. Either that or stop the buzzing of your thoughts that couldn’t seem to keep away. The change of scenery would hopefully do you some good.   
You were at your desk trying to organise your planner for the week ahead, 7:04am, when your cell phone began buzzing. You looked across at the device, face up a few inches away from you and felt your stomach squeeze. Filling the screen was a picture of Seokjin and you at an amusement park he’d dragged you to over the summer, like the big kid he was at heart. Seeing his smiley face made your heart hurt. You thought about leaving it ring, you could pretend you were busy and let him leave a message, but no matter how much you wanted to do it, you couldn’t. 
The phone felt heavy in your hand as you picked up. Your voice didn’t sound like yours. “Hello.” 
“Y/N,” he breathed, sounding somewhat relieved. You had taken a while to make your decision. “Are you free to talk?”
He sounded tired and unlike his usual self, and a part of you wanted to rush over and talk to him in person, to check in on him and see how he was doing, because as much as yesterday hadn’t been nice for you, it hadn’t been too great for him either… However, you knew that was a bad idea, you’d said you had needed time. A few hours wasn’t that. 
“Um, yeah,” you replied, opening your mouth again to remind him about what you’d said yesterday, but already he was rushing forward, eager to say his piece. 
“I’m sorry I didn’t call last night, I guess… I guess I needed time too.” He sounded hesitant, and you didn’t have the heart to tell him you had never been expected (nor wanting) a phone call. “Do you want to meet up for lunch?”
Your voice was gentle. “I don’t think that’s a good idea today.” Maybe he’d misunderstood you, you needed longer, besides, things weren’t going to get sorted out in under an hour during your lunch break from work. It wasn’t as simple as that – you wished it was. 
There was a pause his side, then – “Are you sure you’re not mad at me?”
“Seokjin, I’m not mad,” you sighed softly. “I’m just…” What were you? Frustrated more than anything. It was hard to explain. In a way you felt sorry for him, but you also felt sorry for Nana. “I have a lot of questions that I don’t think I’m ready to ask just yet.” 
His voice was careful as he asked you, “When do you think you will be ready?”
“I don’t know,” you told him truthfully. “I need time to think and it’s pretty hard when I have work all week.” Neglecting your job was foolish – impossible to think of, actually. 
“I understand.” Of course he did. He was nothing but understanding when it came to you and your relationship together. That’s the Seokjin you knew and adored… the one you loved… 
“Is Arin okay?” You found yourself asking. You knew you should probably say your goodbyes, but you’d woken up feeling terribly guilty that you’d just upped and left her like that yesterday. “I’m sorry I ran off without saying goodbye to her.” 
“She’s doing okay, I tried telling…” He trailed off suddenly, and you guessed he thought he was overstepping the mark. The mark you’d put in place. “She asked where you went, I said something came up.” 
“Oh.” You’d thought about popping your head around the door and saying goodbye yesterday but just couldn’t do it. You hated to think she’d thought you had left her too. “I really am sorry about that.”  
“Y/N, it’s fine. Please never be sorry,” he murmured softly. 
You smiled sadly at his sentiment. “Are you okay?” You shouldn’t really ask, not when you needed to hang up and take that space you both needed, but you couldn’t help yourself. It felt wrong not to check in. 
“Could be better,” he chuckled slightly. You appreciated his honesty. “You?” 
“The same.” There was no point pretending. “I think some space will do us good. Let’s just think about everything and then we can talk.” 
“Okay,” he agreed simply. There wasn’t much else he could say. If he disagreed in any way you knew he would never tell you. He wanted to respect your wishes. 
“I’ll call you towards the end of the week?” You could get through the work week, have some time to yourself in the evenings and then meet up on Saturday. 
“Yeah, that sounds good. I agree.” Yet, he sounded a little dejected. 
“Okay.” You had to leave it at that. “I gotta go,” you told him, even though you were in no rush to leave for work, already in your classroom. 
“Of course, bye, Y/N.” You heard some background noise and then a familiar voice in the background – Misook. As it was for you, life went on. Arin had to get ready for school, he had to get ready for work… You couldn’t both wallow in self-pity all day. “Take care,” he told you. It sounded awkward, as if he didn’t know what to say. 
“Bye, Seokjin.” You felt just the same. Even right at the beginning your phone conversations had never been this wooden. 
You hung up first, and then there was silence, except for the ticking of the clock on the wall opposite. You watched the red second hand move, feeling as if it was mocking you.
Tumblr media
The week was slow. It was an average one, but it dragged by. On Monday you had to sit through the usual chitchat inside the teacher’s lounge during lunch, catching up on everyone’s weekends. When Eunbi asked how yours had gone you’d breezed past it, expertly changing the subject to her weekend visiting Jungkook’s parents. Other than that, there was really no need for Seokjin to come up in conversation, which you were thankful for. You spent the rest of the week busy with the children, staying behind a lot later than usual just because it was easier inside your classroom. 
At home you found yourself missing Seokjin like crazy. Ever since your first date you’d been in regular contact throughout the week, and then when things had gotten serious, you’d spoken to him every day – even if it was just on the phone in the evenings once school started back. For all contact to be gone was strange. You hated it, felt as if a part of you was missing. But you knew it needed to be done. As the days went (dragged) by you no longer felt overwhelmed by Sunday’s events. The shock had worn off and you had time to dissect it all, whether it be over dinner on your own when Soo was working late, or when you were in bed for the night, waiting to drop off. The more you broke it down the easier it was to place things in different categories. All the things that had shocked you, the things that had hurt you, and then finally, the things that had made you feel guilty. 
On Thursday night you promised your mom you’d have dinner with her. Jonathon was abroad visiting his children and she hadn’t been able to get time off work to join him. She was bored at home all alone, so you really couldn’t say no despite a part of you wanting to. Before you arrived you’d made the decision not to tell her about your…what could you call it? It was hardly an argument with Seokjin. A disagreement..? Whatever it was, you didn’t want to worry her. After all this time she was over the moon you’d finally met someone you really cared about and you knew it was stupid, but you didn’t want to make her worry.  
However, that all went out the window as soon as she opened the door to you. She was your mom for crying out loud, who could you confide in if it wasn’t her? She listened to you attentively. All your thoughts, all your worries – even if the potatoes were at risk of cremating, and it felt good to have your mother by your side. 
“Seokjin is a lovely man, anyone can see that, but he’s allowed his flaws. He’s only human,” she reasoned, your conversation coming back to the way he’d acted around Nana. You knew your mother was right, and you were in no way judging him for it, but it had been very jarring seeing him change so suddenly. “Obviously he and his ex-wife bring out the worst in each other. Sounds to me as if they’re so used to hurting one another it’s become the norm.” 
You nodded in silent agreement, thinking back to them hurling abuse at one another as if it was the most natural thing. In a way it had turned into a competition. Who could hurt one other the most. In the end, Seokjin had dealt the final blow. You. You could still see the hurt on Nana’s face now, even though it was days ago. It made your chest heavy all over again. You told your mom just as much. 
“There’s no need to feel so guilty, love,” she told you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “None of this is your fault. Seokjin, whether it was intentionally or unintentionally, used you as a way to hurt Nana, and you need to tell him that you’re not okay with that.” 
That was the part that had hurt the most now that you’d had enough time to think. Above all else, not telling Nana about you, the catalyst that led to his divorce, it was being used as some kind of weapon that stuck out. You had never wanted that. You had never asked for it. 
“You are his girlfriend first and foremost.” Your mom continued. “Yes, you care for Arin but these things need to be spoken about first. You have never wanted to be, nor felt like you were the child’s mother. You know your boundaries and so should he.” 
She was correct. You’d been so hesitant not to overstep the mark these past few months. You’d even been in two minds whether or not to offer to babysit Arin that weekend. You’d thought Seokjin understood that, your cautiousness when it came to the role you played in her life. After all, your relationship was still new, and Nana was very much a part of Arin’s life. However he had disregarded that all to throw a few cheap shots. 
Your conversation shifted to Arin then. It was easy to sympathise with her, after all you’d been in her shoes once. Parents who seemed to fight more than they did talk. It had gotten better for you though, their relationship turning amiable once the divorce had settled. For Arin, it seemed to be only getting worse. You wished you could talk some sense into Seokjin. He might’ve thought that Arin was okay with her parents barely having any contact but you knew that wasn’t the case. It had been very telling to hear that Arin never brought Seokjin up in conversation with her own mother. That’s why it had taken Nana so long to find out about you. Deep down that little girl knew that her mom didn’t want to hear her dad’s name, and that was heart breaking. 
Somewhere along the way, your mom asked you what you thought about Arin calling you her stepmother. Despite it being done innocently, the weight of the word meant so much more to the adults in the situation and you agreed. It had been strange to hear, and not just because it had come from Nana’s mouth. You were serious about Seokjin and could see a future with him, and that meant being in Arin’s life permanently. That word wasn’t so farfetched and you’d had plenty of time to think about it this week. What it meant for you, Arin, and of course Nana. 
“How did you feel when dad first met Dahae?” You asked your mom. These things had never really come up in conversation before, which was surprising, but right now you needed any advice and insight you could get. Your mom had been in Nana’s shoes once after all. All those years ago. 
“I was…happy for him,” she replied hesitantly. “It took time. It’s a confusing thing. I no longer loved your father but it felt strange to see him with someone else. Of course, everyone is different. Not one relationship is the same,” she added. 
You nodded in understanding. Your father had met Dahae, his wife, when you were twelve. You had grown up with her and it didn’t feel odd to think of her as a second mom. You still called her by her name but when in conversation with others you often referred to her as your stepmom. Always had, for as long as you could remember. Maybe it was after the wedding, but you couldn’t be too sure. Definitely before she gave birth to your siblings though. 
It was different with Jonathon. He’d always been “your mother’s husband” and not because you didn’t care for him or think he was a lovely man. He was, and you liked him very much, it was just… You were an adult when you met him, twenty to be exact, living across the country for college. The bond wasn’t quite there like it was with Dahae, but your mom understood that – so did Jonathon. But it made you pause and think. You’d never asked your mom how she felt hearing you call Dahae your stepmother. It had never crossed your mind until now. 
“I didn’t like the idea at first, I have to admit, but who would?” She confessed. “It’s hard not to feel hurt or threatened, a whole load of different emotions,” she gave a small shrug, “but meeting Dahae, and seeing how kind a woman she was, and how much you meant to her made me see things differently.” 
You smiled, silently hoping that one Nana would think and feel the same way when it came to you. You could only cross your fingers and try your best in the meantime. 
Your mom nudged you, a playful lilt to her voice. “I think you’re very lucky to have two wonderful women in your life that love you and want the best for you – and yes, that’s a brag on my part.” 
You laughed with her, but your worries were getting the best of you again, turning you sombre. “What if Nana never accepts me though?” 
“I think you should only think about that if it happens,” she replied. “There’s no point expecting the worst right now.” 
You still didn’t feel very hopeful though, it was probably written all over your face. Sweeping some hair out of your eyes, your mother’s voice was soft. “Love, she had no idea you existed, I think her anger was warranted.” A pause, tone changing. “Although, not at you. I’m not very happy about that.” 
You chuckled at that. “It’s fine. You know I can look after myself.” You were feisty when you wanted to be, or scrappy as Seokjin had so comically put it once. 
Wrapping an arm around you once more, she squeezed you gently. “Talk to him.” She urged. “You miss him. This time apart is getting pointless, you already know how you feel.” 
Tumblr media
You did. Your feelings were as strong as ever. 
You had been itching to pick up the phone last night and just call him already, but you’d said Saturday. You only had one day left at work, you could hold out until then. It would be better that way, you didn’t want to interrupt a potentially busy day. Friday’s were often crazy for him, you didn’t want to be a distraction. 
However, come morning break you bumped into Hoseok coming out of your classroom, eager to rush to your car and grab the apple that must have rolled out of your bag and onto the seat. (Hopefully – if it was on the floor it was going in the trash ASAP). 
“Hi, Y/N. How are you today?” He politely asked. 
“Fine, thank you.” Talking with Hoseok always came easily, regardless of his position as the principal. “Glad it’s the weekend tomorrow. How about you?” 
“My thoughts exactly,” he laughed, before adding, “Although, I hear Arin’s started hers early.” 
“Oh?” You were immediately lost. Had you missed something? You hadn’t seen Arin at school all week, which wasn’t strange. Your paths rarely crossed these days unless you were on yard duty, and if you were being honest, you were glad it hadn’t been this week. She must have had an inkling something was wrong right now, she hadn’t seen you at all since Sunday, so you were relieved to know you didn’t have to answer any awkward questions. It was selfish, you knew that, but you couldn’t help it. 
Hoseok looked confused by your reaction, but carried on regardless, shaking it off. “Seokjin called up yesterday, said she’d be visiting her mom earlier this weekend if it was possible. I figured maybe you and he had plans for tonight.” 
You froze, forcing yourself to reply because your boss was waiting for one. “Oh, no.” You swallowed, coming up blank. “No plans.” 
If Hoseok noticed your woodenness he didn’t let on. “One day couldn’t possibly hurt her education, right? But don’t tell the board I said that,” he added with a laugh. 
You made yourself join in, although your mind was racing. “Secret’s safe with me.” 
He smiled at you, giving you a nod. “Enjoy your weekend, alright? See you Monday.” 
Thank God he had somewhere to be. You nodded back, watching him already begin to walk away. “And you, Hoseok.” 
You proceeded to sit in your car for twenty minutes, half eaten apple already turning brown as you racked your brain. It wasn’t Nana’s weekend to have Arin. Was something wrong? You were probably being silly, conjuring up the worst case scenarios for no reason. If something had happened, Seokjin would have contacted you. He knew he could always count on you, but… You had told him you needed space and he’d agreed. He was a man of his word, so if something had happened, what if he thought he couldn’t call you?
You pulled your phone out of your bag at the thought, clicking on his contact but stopped yourself when you saw the time. You had just under five minutes to be back at class… I’m being irrational, you told yourself. If something was wrong he would have informed Hoseok, and the principal sounded absolutely fine. You were worrying for no reason. If something had happened, something bad, he wouldn’t hesitate to reach out to you. You knew that, and so did he. Only a few more hours and you’d get to talk to him. Most of those involved sleep. You could wait until tomorrow morning. You could. 
.
.
You couldn’t. 
It was half 9 and you were home alone. It was Soojung and Taehyung’s date night and she was spending the night at his place, so all you had for company were your own thoughts – and RJ, the alpaca plush Seokjin had won for all those months previous. You couldn’t possibly wait until tomorrow, your mom was right, what was the point in waiting when you knew how you felt. You wanted to see Seokjin, to talk to him and feel him. You missed him like crazy. 
Turning the television down low you grabbed for your phone which had slipped in between the sofa cushions. This time you didn’t hesitate, no work commitments calling your name, and dialled Seokjin’s number straight away. He picked up after only two rings. 
 “Y/N,” he breathed, sounding more than surprised. 
“Hey, you,” you smiled into the receiver. It felt good to hear his voice again. 
“I wasn’t expecting you to call tonight.” 
“Sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” 
“Of course not. Well,” he paused to laugh, “I was just about to head to bed.” 
He sounded a lot like his usual self tonight, it eased your mind. You laughed along softly, a confession slipping past your lips. “I was going to wait until tomorrow but Soojung is with Taehyung tonight and being alone means I can’t stop thinking about you.” 
You heard a sigh of relief his end. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all week.” The longing in his voice didn’t go unnoticed. “Are you ready to talk? I’m willing to answer any questions you have.” 
“I’m ready,” you nodded. “Should I come over? I don’t want to do this over the phone.” 
“I can come to you?” He suggested instead. “Arin’s with Nana until Sunday.” 
“Oh.” You thought to ask him how come, but stopped yourself, you could get to that in person. He didn’t sound upset, which you took as a good sign. “Okay. Now?” 
“It’s not too late?” He checked. 
“No, it’s fine.” You were eager, shaking you head as you replied, and you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. “I really want to see you.” 
You could hear his smile too. “I’ll be there soon, okay? Really soon.” You heard his footsteps along the floor, the sound of a drawer opening as if he was finding something to wear. 
“Don’t speed,” you added, as a joke more than anything. 
“Of course I won’t,” he laughed. “I’m going to hang up now but I won’t be long.” 
“Okay, see you soon, Seokjin.” It was silly, but you didn’t want the phone call to end even though in under half an hour he’d be here. 
But you could be patient. 
You could. 
Tumblr media
Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021
569 notes · View notes
fictionalfics · 4 years ago
Note
I had an idea. Could you do a crossover thingy where Aizawa has a daughter and she goes missing and he comes in the next day looking worse than normal and then the broadcast gets sent out and Aizawa sees his daughter in it and he gets either happy she’s alive or sad because she’s in a war?
This is s great idea! I’ve never written a parent fic before, so this is quite a challenge. Hope it came out okay!
Tumblr media
Title: Not This Time
Pairing: Dad!Aizawa x Daughter!Reader
!TW: VIOLENCE, KIDNAPPING, MENTIONS OF K*LLING, LIGHT ALCOHOL USE!
(Gifs not mine)
Tumblr media
“Aizawa-sensei’s been sleeping a lot more than usual, have you noticed Iida-kun?” Midoriya looks at his classmate expectantly as they make their way to the dining hall.
It was true, their rugged teacher had been sleeping in class a lot more lately. He had barely greeted his class before the yellow sleeping bag made its appearance. 
“I’m sure its nothing, Deku,” Ochako chimes in, “This is the first time in a while he’s taught a full class. Besides, you know who he has to deal with.“
Midoriya chuckles as his friend gestures to Kaminari, Bakugo and Kirishima - they didn’t mean to be, but they were one of the main sources of trouble in class 1-A.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
                                                         --------
Back kick. Block. Jump, kick, dodge. Bend the knees, feet to the floor. Breathe, start again. 
The thick material of your scarf is tight around your palms as you dodge attack after attack. You hold your hand out and erase the enemy’s quirk, before landing a swift chop to the neck. Another one down. You handcuff them as fast as you can before dodging a beam of light. It just catches you ear, the scent of burnt hair becoming more intense as you roll to the side.
A stakeout operation gone wrong. A local gang that turned out to be something much bigger. You were fighting a war that had nearly run its course, and this mission was meant to be one of the last. That was, until your stakeout partner revealed she was working for the other team, a double agent. 
That left you in this mess. You wished your dad was there with you right now, but he wasn’t. He’d taught you to cope on your own, you told yourself. You’d manage.
Smack!
                                                       -------
Three days. No text, no call, no you. Shouta had waited in the living room all night, sipping coffee to stay awake. It had been three days since you walked out the door with a great big smile on your face, saying goodbye as you left for work.
Ten years ago, the seemingly heartless man had taken you into his care after saving you from your burning orphanage. The hero saw himself in you, especially since your quirks were so similar. He trained you himself, teaching how to use the capture rope alongside your fists.
You had enrolled in Shiketsu High, in order to separate yourself from your dad, and started your work studies with a mid-ranked but successful pro in your second year. 
Shouta was extremely proud of you, and made sure you knew it every single day.
But it was unlike you to stay out for days at a time without contact. The first night wasn’t so bad - maybe she’s at the bar with friends, I’ll see her in the morning, he thought to himself.
You weren’t there in the morning. He put it down to you staying over a friend’s house - he was up pretty early after all, so you’d be home later.
Nope. Nothing. He continued to make excuses up for you all night, and all the way into the morning too, only grabbing an hour’s sleep before leaving for work.
When he came home to an empty house for the third day in a row, he started to panic for real. Texted you every hour, on the hour. Called a couple of times. Called your workplace, to no avail.
6:30 on the clock. Shouta chugged the rest of his coffee and slung his work bag over his shoulder as he noted it was day four now. Work was going to be a long one.
                                                        ------
Your ears rang as your former partner delivered another slap to your face.
“This would be over so much quicker if you told me where the boss is being held hostage, Y/N. You’re making this so hard for yourself!”
“Go to hell.”
Wack!
A scream held back in your throat, your teeth grind together as you fight through the pain. The edges of your vision began to go black, and you almost considered telling the gang everything.
                                                        ------
Shouta’s thumb was over the send button when he heard your name on the local news. 
Y/N Aizawa missing in action. Something about a fight against a gang, an ambush they said. No other details could be released for citizen safety.
The hero didn’t even realise he’d slid off the couch to kneel in front of the TV. Missing in action. He rested his forehead on the box, his hair sticking to the screen due to static.
Missing. You were missing.
His legs carried him to the agency you worked with. His voice demanded to see your boss, begged for the details of your whereabouts.
They wouldn’t tell him. “We cannot release details to the public, its for her safety as well as theirs,” your boss told him.
Shouta argued that he wasn’t the public, that he was a hero like you.
“There’s nothing more we can do, I’m afraid.”
                                                       -------
The ropes had begun to bite into your wrists as you hung from the ceiling. After deciding the initial interrogation was obsolete, the gang had taken you to a new building and strung you up. Your feet could almost touch the floor, but had given up trying to get free an hour ago. Possibly. You didn’t know how long you’d been there. You were sure you’d stayed awake, but even blinking felt like it took days in that dark room.
You strained your ears from information.
Move........found.....kill her.......risk? No......stupid.....
There wasn’t enough for you to piece together the crumbs of information. You were sure you were going to die at this point. So much potential, a great future ahead of you.
No, you can’t think like that! What would Dad do in this situation?
You couldn’t answer that one. Instead, you hummed a lullaby to yourself - your favourite that he used to sing to you if you’d had a nightmare. This entire situation was a bit of a nightmare, so you thought it was appropriate.
The door opened before you, the bright light bringing tears to your eyes.
                                                       -----
“She’s gotta be alright Shou, she’s tough! Besides, didn’t you go MIA all the time?” 
Hizashi did his best to comfort his friend, handing him a small glass of whiskey, which Shouta drank in one. He slammed the glass to the table with a dull thud.
“That’s different Yamada. I knew where I was, and I was never gone for long. I don’t know where she is, and it’s been nearly a week.”
The blond runs his palm down his face, not wanting to admit the he feared the worst too.
“She’s a hero Shou, bad things happen. You know the dangers and she does too, she’s not dumb.”
“Another whiskey please.”
Hizashi refilled Shouta’s glass, and the liquid disappeared as quickly as he’d poured it.
“She’ll be okay Shou.” 
                                                       ------
Your arms were freed of their painful restraints as your friends occupied the gang and, summoning as much strength as you could, dragged yourself to your feet, using your peer as a crutch. Your head turned to watch your team take on the four or five people that had taken you hostage, silently celebrating as you limped to the exit.
“Sorry we took so long Y/N, it took us a while to figure out where they’d taken ya!”
A tired chuckle escaped you as your co-worker apologised. “At least you’re here now.” Your response wasn’t completely a joke, but you couldn’t blame them. This gang was good at hiding.
“The whole operation is gonna be extended, thanks to the newbie. We had no idea she was a double agent- it’s gonna set us back to square one!”
Double agent. You scolded yourself for not catching on in time. “I’m sorry, I should have figured out sooner. Now the entire mission’s been compromised.”
Your peer sat you in the back of an ambulance that had come along with the police.
“Don’t beat yourself up silly! Even us pros didn’t know, there was no way a student could have guessed!”
The fight was over relatively quickly, thankfully. After the criminals were handed over to the police for interrogation, you were escorted back to the agency to be patched up, and report to the higher-ups.
                                                         ------
Eraser didn’t immediately jump up when the front door creaked open. He was a hundred miles away, trying to convince you to take a day off instead of going to work. You’d be home with him that way, smiling as you cooked your favourite meal in the kitchen. That smile... How badly he missed it.
He felt the couch sink next to him.
“Sorry I’m late Dad, I had one hell of a day at work!”
Dad? He snapped back to reality as the words sunk in. He looked to where the voice came from - his eyes traced it back to you. Covered in cuts and bruises, dark circles adorning your eyes, but you all the same.
“Y/N!” The dark haired man jumped up and lifted you into his arms. You giggled and squeezed him back, giddy with relief.
“Y/N Aizawa, you are grounded forever! What the hell happened to you?”
He set you down on the couch as you began to explain as much as you could, without giving away classified information.
“But I’m here now! I’ve got about a week to recover, because I wasn’t injured too badly, plus they did hold me in the recovery room for a day.”
“A week?” His shoulders slumped at the thought of you fighting. “They’re sending you back out there?”
“Yeah. The mission isn’t over yet, we have to dismantle them completely.”
Shouta ran a hand through his hair, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Promise me you won’t go missing again.”
“I can’t. You of all people should know that.”
“Humour me.”
Breaking eye contact, you sighed, before looking back at your father and smiling as wide as you could. “I won’t go missing this time Dad. I promise.”
“Good.” Shouta patted your head before standing up and making a beeline for the kitchen. “You’re still grounded forever.”
“But Dad!”
“No buts!”
“Even if I make you some coffee? Maybe cook some yakitori?”
“I may reconsider,” he chuckled. You always knew your way to his heart.
He loved his daughter so damn much.
401 notes · View notes
fallstreakfeathers · 4 years ago
Text
[More] Obey Me Headcanons
[ I didn’t edit this at all, really, but I have around 30 headcanons so far that I’m using for my fic and would like several backups- so, I’m posting it here.) 
The ‘Devildom’ is a planet that is larger than ours. ‘Hell’ refers to a part of each territory the Avatar’s govern that is reserved for retaining and torturing human souls. These areas are actually quite small compared to the rest of the land. Each environment is unique, with its own native flora, fauna, land formations, climates, and dangers.
The Devildom resides on a tall, mountain-ringed plateau that towers over the lands around it. It is not the tallest point in the demon world.
Demons have elemental affinities that also define certain weaknesses. A demon that’s used to the heat and gasses of flowing magma would have difficulties in the colder parts of the world, or fighting against a demon or creature who uses a lot of freezing attacks.
There are many places in their realm that even Demons refrain from going, or simply cannot. One such area is a vast frozen land in the far northeast that drops to temperatures low enough that even demons that are developed for icy area’s cannot survive without magical assistance. However, this also makes the area a great place for criminals and the exiled to live should they be able to fight the cold. Demons and such that failed to pass the test of the cold are frequently found encased in the tall, pointed ice spires that jut from the ground- trapped in an unending preservation until the end of days.
There’s a massive crater in one part of the world, in the land Mammon governs, that’s referred to as the ‘Fear Pit’. It’s the aftermath of a massive battle between two demons, and the entire area is cursed with illusions that prey on your fears. It gets worse the closer you are to the bottom. Demons occasionally travel to test their own resolve, though few ever make it to the center- usually opting to turn back before their fear drives them mad.
Beelzebub dislikes thunder because it sounds similar to some sounds he heard in the war
Demon’s are immortal only in that time cannot destroy them, They can still die from wounds and even disease.
Not all demons can speak human languages. There’s plenty in the Devildom/Hell who’ve never set foot in the human realm and have never bothered to learn the realms languages.
On that note, there are more than a few specific demonic dialects spoken in the devildom. The Avatars and most high nobility are required to be fluent in the most common 3 demonic languages.
Demons who came to the Devildom by falling from the Celestial Realm are not considered ‘true demons’, and many have challenged the Avatars solely because of their origins
Demons may have pacts with multiple humans. If a demon who has more than one pact is ordered to do something by multiple pact holders, the demon will obey whoever has the strongest bond with them OR the orders will cancel each other out.
Many species found in the Devildom/Hell and the Celestial Realm are not exclusive to one or the other- dragons and unicorns are found in both, for example, but with different traits and personalities. Dragons in the Devildom are ugly things that spit an acidic venom, while those in the Celestial Realm are sleek and able to shoot blasts of fire from their throats. Some creatures remain the same in each realm, but are referred to by different names. Many mythic creatures from every human culture can be found in both the Devildom and Celestial realm
Though their human forms look rather perfect, everyone who fought in the Celestial War bears a great number of physical scars, some of which affect their human guise as well
Belphegor's right eye is completely blind in all his forms. He tends to hide it in his human appearance because it’s sometimes seen as a weakness by other demons who might try to challenge him. He has the most trouble with demon’s attempting to fight him because he’s often seen as the weakest Avatar due to his sleeping habits and general outward appearance. This is, of course, a massive mistake.
Belphegor frequently wraps his tail around himself (like a hug) for comfort- particularly when he’s alone
Belphegor’s horseshoe was broken during a fight with a demon who wanted to challenge his title/status.
Demons don't usually bury their dead because many simply disappear upon death. How they disappear depends on their primary sin (Wrath erupts in a blast of fire)
Leviathan changes the order of the smiley pins on his clothes depending on his mood (green for happy/content, yellow for neutral, red for angry/upset)
Satan dislikes chocolate
Demons are practically infertile. Children born naturally (human standard) are extremely rare. As such, all demon children are cherished and protected by modern demonic societies as a whole, and intending to harm one is punished harshly.
Lucifer may have birthed Satan from rage, but a demon can create another being from any emotion so long as it’s powerful enough (love, envy, etc). This is much more common than the physical way of creating children. The offspring will generally exhibit whatever emotion spawned them and will behave accordingly to whoever the emotion was directed at. After their birth, they grow very fast until they appear 10-15 years old, and their growth slows immensely.
A specific ritual is required for a demon( or angel) and human to crossbreed with each other, as they are completely different species. It would be like trying to cross a dog with a giraffe. These births are always extremely dangerous for the human mother. There are a few exceptions to this, such as Incubi/Succubi but successful crossbreeding is still extremely rare.
The older a demon is, the more horrific their true forms are. Anyone who has existed before the Celestial War is referred to as an ‘Ancient/Old World’ demon. Those born after and those who fell are considered ‘New Age/Modern’ demons. There are a handful of creatures referred to as ‘Primordials’. These beings are neither demons nor angels, but are immensely powerful and are very secretive. Not much is known about any of them, and they rarely show themselves. They also rarely partake in the social/political conflicts of the three realms. They did not have a presence in the Celestial War.
These titles have no bearing on how civilised someone may be.
There are technically four realms known. The Celestial, Devildom, and Human realms are commonly spoken about but the fourth realm is known as ‘Oblivion’ and isn’t so much a world as it is multitudes of platforms floating throughout a nebula. It’s useless overall but is used as a prison and punishment for the worst of demonkind. Few have ever made it out, but those that have come back a blubbering, maddened shell of who they were. Diavolo and Barbatos both are capable of opening a portal to it.
All demons/Fallen have the capability to return to a monstrous form, but Ancient demons have a particularly difficult time making themselves look human again (some Ancient’s are incapable of returning at all). New Age demons are able to transform much more freely, but if the transformation is brought on by strong negative emotion (rage, fear, or a physical reaction such as pain), it takes much longer to change back
The final stage of demonic courtship involves seeing each other's truest self. This display is a form of trust in the highest regard, the goal being total acceptance of each other. It should never be taken lightly. Not every couple goes through this, but those that do form a deeply personal and permanent bond.
A demon in full form is rare outside battle, though some choose to remain in their appearance as a way of showing off.
Some demons (nobility and such) have several forms outside of their human/humanoid guises
Demons are compelled to chew on things. There are several businesses specializing in ‘demon chew toys’. Gnawing on these can release both stress and anxiety and also helps maintain healthy teeth.
Demons shed their horns, scales, teeth and fur, and will often use these shed materials in their own clothing, jewelry, and other such items. Shedding season differs for every demon- it happens to some every half year, year, couple years, or even centuries. Being given an item made from a demon’s shed is considered a personal gift
Demons can tell the basic emotional state of any human they have a pact with. Whether they react to it or care is another story.
Despite the common opinion that the Devildom doesn’t have a sun, the sky brightens every 3 human world days thanks to the passing of a dwarf star. However, it would be a mistake to believe that the demon world is devoid of light without it! There are plenty of natural light sources that provide the lands with a way to see (for those without night vision), such as glowing crystals and mushrooms, magma, etc.
The Devildom’s planet’s core burns hotter than ours, which counteracts how cold it would be otherwise (though it’s still quite chilly in many parts of the planet)
When Diavolo ordered that no human be harmed in the Devildom again, he also banned all media portraying humans as prey. These books, videos, and movies are now sold on the black markets and hoarded by those who disagree with Diavolo
222 notes · View notes
dornish-queen · 4 years ago
Text
GQ MEXICO - PEDRO PASCAL 2021
Tumblr media Tumblr media
It seems that Pedro Pascal is in all possible universes. Here and there. In the past, in the present, and in galaxies far, far away. Today, the actor is considered the great entertainment reference and one of those in charge of saving a franchise that seemed lost. Enough reasons to talk exclusively about discipline, gastronomy, creeds and how he traumatized his father in 30 seconds.
The RAE defines 'creed' as the set of ideas, principles or convictions of a person or a group. For example, by creed, one can leave his country and be in exile. It happens that one can leave the loved one behind. Or simply live in another reality. And also one can put on a helmet to pretend never to take it off again. If that is the path to follow, the creed says that it must be done with the profession of faith and without stopping to look. Turning the pages of the script for The Mandalorian , the Disney + series that revived passion and nostalgia for the Star Wars franchise , Pedro Pascal came across this definition in every dialogue and moment, and reflection carved his way.
Tumblr media
More than two decades have passed since the Chilean-American, Pedro Pascal, began his acting career and today, named as the great reference of 2020 , he misses the theater and it still hurts him not to have the discipline to exercise and maintain a diet sana while acknowledging the irony of having the best year of her career in the midst of one of the worst in recent history. But even in physical solitude, the man who carried the best-selling Christmas baby rescues many positive things and shares his vision of the universes he has traveled through, his passion for distant galaxies and how to traumatize your family with a simple scene of TV. In an interview, the Mandalorian of Latinamerica.
IMDB named you the 2020 benchmark in entertainment, a year in which the world took refuge in fiction. How was living your best time locked up and what do you rescue on a human level from it?
The strength of family relationships and friendship. For them, we endure this physical loneliness. I do find it ironic that in 2020 I received projects so well received by the public, although they were carried out before the pandemic and their impact was during it, and that year I was isolated and alone. But I must emphasize that this loneliness is a privilege when many people had to continue working, surviving and maintaining the functioning of the world. We only had to be alone, but they more than that and you must value it too.
Among the activities you have missed, how much do you miss the theater?
Much indeed. It's something that I miss the most and being with people without being afraid. See a play and return to those experiences of being with people doing and living things in common. That is what I need most, in addition to my loved ones.
Disney fully entered streaming and its strong letter has your face, what do you think of the discussion of platforms against movie theaters?
There are incredible things in streaming and many people develop great projects that they did not have access to before. The diversity of voices is gaining ground and it is important to recognize that opportunities grow exponentially and boundaries change. It is incredible the availability that we have to very well made content and how creative people can share their work in different ways. But I also want to be honest: limiting the experience of watching content only on our gadgets or at home is a mistake that affects the stories we can tell. You have to achieve a mix of opportunities and challenges.
Tumblr media
You jump between the fictional universes that mark the last decades until you reach the universe of universes. What is your first Star Wars memory and how do you summarize the essence of this legendary story?
For me, Star Wars is nostalgia itself. It is one of the primary things in my memory, of my childhood. I came to the United States with my Chilean family when I was less than two years old and one of my first memories is going to the movies with my dad to see the saga ; it becomes one of those romantic childhood things that opens your mind, so imagine how special it is to participate in this project. I think the creators of The Mandalorian perfectly understand this nostalgia and that power, and they managed to count on that element as a great ally for the world of Star Wars and I couldn't be happier to be part of it. (From which we expect the third season The Mandalorian)
The Mandalorian exploits the power and nuances of your voice, did you have that letter on your resume?
I didn't know I could do it, but I resorted to my theater preparation, which was very physical on all levels and feelings. There are elements that have to do with and that are essential to create a role, and they teach you that the voice is something primary, something you have to start with and you cannot hide. Now I have learned much more about the importance of that, and how to use it economically. The body also has to do with that, because something very subtle communicates something. In The Mandalorian , I had a great time figuring out how to do it, they gave me the opportunity to develop it in different ways. The opportunity to be very intense at it.
What happens to the ego when someone works under a suit and a mask?
In the conversations about the project, before doing it, we were communicated the idea and the concept of the entire season , so I clearly understood what it was. I wanted it to be the most powerful version of what they were trying to accomplish, so there was no point in involving my ego, you know? It was already very clear what the project meant, so I knew about the character , the piece that it represented for him and the opportunity that it was for me, so I was only focused on executing in a better way the part that touched me in everything this. In the theater, I worked several times under a mask and it helped me develop the experience.
Tumblr media
It seems that The Mandalorian has a very theatrical base ...
Exactly, and thanks to the physical experience of working in theater, doing a play a few times a week, discovering how your body and your voice communicate , being part of a whole image, and how you will tell that story visually, I achieved this character. I never imagined that it would be something I would have to use on such an important Star Wars project .
On the list of entertainment greats, there are names like Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, do you think John Favreau should be added to the list?
I think your name is already included. Without a doubt, it is in that category and it is incredible. His vision fascinates me. I remember an episode in the second season , and I had some boots and I walked so much in the snow, it stuck to them. He figured it out, so he talked to the art department about the kind of boots you need when you're out in the snow. They approached me and gave me new ones that fulfilled the idea I was looking for. He noticed it in an instant. It is such a wonderful detail and it is repeated to scale in every session with him. He thinks of absolutely everything and his vision of the use of technology is admirable. He is someone who makes you feel motivated and always sees how to achieve the goal.
One of the reflections in the series is on how and under what circumstances a man can break his creed and way of life. What makes you break with your beliefs?
I think that you must follow your heart so as not to regret anything; Although sometimes it brings pain or conflict, deep down when you look back, everything is worth it because it was what you heard in your heart. I am very afraid to deny that feeling or not to attend to it. I am 45 years old now and I cannot believe I have a finer philosophy. Make it more disciplined. It's ridiculous, but I'm trying to accept that I am and it's all I can say, "follow your heart." Although, you know, I'm not on a good diet yet, I still have trouble sleeping or exercising.
Still good at Chilean empanadas?
Yes, I couldn't stop. And also how good that I do not live in Mexico City because I would only spend it eating. I could move my whole life to defe just to eat.
Tumblr media
I want to deviate and ask you, with whom did you see the chapter of your death in Game of Thrones and what traumas did you cause in your family?
For me, no trauma. I separate myself well from the characters , although I fully understand that if I were a Game of Thrones audience and loved that character, it would make an incredible impression on me. Thank you that it was not. I had to interpret it and there was a model of my head to be crushed that way with the tubes and the fake blood, you know? Me lying there, with pieces of my meat, it was funny in the end. But not for my family. For them there is nothing funny but traumatic. My dad's voice changed completely when we saw the episode, he turned around and said: “I didn't like it, Pedro . No, Pedro , not this ”.
The media found similarities between your villain in Wonder Woman: 1984 and Donald Trump. When playing a character with characteristics like this, do you humanize him or do you understand him?
The project had nothing to do with the former president. They always told me that my character in Wonder Woman: 1984 was emotionally messy, and I took that and took that as far as possible. Instead of creating it with images or certain inspirations from life, it was more to work with what was on the page. Personally, what made sense to me is the size of the story that is being told and there is always more, and we all want more. Creatively, if this makes sense, that meant "blowing her out of the park." Connect a hit with the character and be committed to telling his story faithfully, in a way that was true to me. So all the exterior elements found their way.
What a way to start 2021 with the theme of the Capitol ... How do you perceive that moment?
I am not a politician and it is not that I do not have an opinion about this type of event; however, it is not necessary to state the obvious. My opinion would be very simple compared to that of a person who studied this, who knows how to act in these kinds of scenarios; I believe that I am next to the majority who experienced this, which is the logical result of what we have experienced during these years and we are all horrified . It was distressing to see this violence.
If you had the monolith in your hands, what would your wish be?
My wish would be… it's impossible, really (laughs). I think it is to be together again, with less fear and that people have the opportunity to connect.
Tumblr media
What is your position on the reality that Chile has experienced in recent years and how has the relationship with your country been since exile?
It is something that I am developing and I continue to do in my life, trying to understand that it is my home. To be in Chile is to be at home, but my life has been very nomadic, living different things and having many influences; so it is strange, I do not feel with the title of a complete Chilean identity nor with an American one.
Neither here nor there?
In a sense, but I'm also completely both. My parents are Chilean , my brothers were born there before my parents traveled, and I came back sometimes because my family is very large; in fact, my parents came back. It has always been there, it continues to develop, and it will be a part of me. I don't know if it answers your question, but it has a lot to do with who I am.
What is your relationship with Latin American cinema? Are you interested?
Much, it has invaded me in life like American cinema. The movies that I carry in my heart, seeing something like Y tu mama was also something that changed me; I also love the work that comes out of Chile , and the only thing I can say is that it is a cinema that needs more access and projects.
Tumblr media
Today you have a comedy with Nicolas Cage on the door, can you tell us something?
It's my first shot at comedy , as a complete story within the genre. Speaking of American influences , in the 80s I saw all the films where Nicolas Cage appeared , he came into my life and it's great to be his partner after seeing all his performances.
How is the relationship you have with the comedy genre?
I love it, I have done a lot of comedy in the theater, what happens is that in film and television issues , I was always part of drama castings . And in the cinema, you go where the doors open; Although I identify with one or the other, I think that being an actor , one goes and does what one has to do. Comedy is something unique, it is very challenging because it must be very real to be funny, you cannot hide or use normal tricks. I was very excited to have this challenge in front of a camera.
Finally, Pedro, after going through so many fictional worlds, literally, what do you dream about when you sleep?
I dream that my bathroom is dirty, that I haven't done my math homework, that the oven is on and all that stuff. Sure, there are times when I close my eyes and see myself in all these projects , although my conscience is with the anxieties of the day that you can imagine.
Tumblr media
Without a doubt, Pedro Pascal is a particular type .
English Tranlation: Google Translate
SOURCE:  GQ MEXICO
343 notes · View notes
kaitycole · 4 years ago
Text
losing what he never had
Tumblr media
Summary: Bokuto recounts the worst day of his life that all started with a phone call.
Pairing: Bokuto x fem!reader
Word Count: 2822
Warnings: Angst. Pure fucking angst. Character death. Slight mention of pregnancy loss.  
A/N: Thanks to @cosmicmermaid25​ for this prompt. She said “make me cry” I hope this lives up to it. 
Tumblr media
“I was supposed to be there, at home with you, but a match got rescheduled and I had to be in Tokyo. I was supposed to be there, driving with you to your doctor’s appointment because you wanted me with you, but instead I wasn’t and you were all alone.”
*                      * Present Day
Bokuto isn’t sure what he’s supposed to feel, but he does know that he feels empty and maybe a little lost. That feeling you get when you turn around in circles, first noticing the person you’re with isn’t there anymore. That feeling right before the panic sets in that you’re alone. Or maybe it’s more like when a strong wind blows in your face and you can’t catch breath, the struggle of quickly trying to block the overwhelming emotions that flood you as you try to breathe.
It’s been two months since he got the call, a phone call that shattered his entire world, that brought him down to his knees and nothing in his life has been the same. Like looking through a shattered mirror, hoping to see a complete image.
It had been on the calendar for weeks, the day that Y/N had her doctor’s appointment and she didn’t really like driving to far places alone, so of course being the doting boyfriend, Bokuto offered to drive. He didn’t mind, in fact he rather enjoyed driving and a part of him really enjoyed Y/N depending on him. She didn’t need to, she could hold her own, but he loved to feel needed and was confident that his partner knew that too.
But there was a storm, a match between MSBY and Schweiden Adlers had to be reschedule, but it became an away game and as fate would have it, it was scheduled for the same day as the appointment. Bokuto apologized profusely to his partner, swearing if he could sit out then he would, but she brushed off his worries, saying she understood, it wasn’t a big deal. Sometimes having such an understanding partner could hurt.
*                      * Two months ago – 7:45 AM
*alarm noises*
Bokuto picks up his phone, clicking end on the alarm, but truth be told, he had been up for a while. It’s weighing down on him that he can’t be there for his girlfriend, knowing she is getting ready to do something that she isn’t comfortable doing to begin with.
“Ko?” Her voice still sounds full of sleep, even though he knows by now she’s already had her morning tea and shower.
“’Morning babe. I just wanted to call before you left.” He steps out of the hotel room, out into the hallway. There’s a deeper meaning weighing his words, worry for her trip, but he’s hoping she doesn’t take it as doubt.
“You have perfect timing.” He hears the door locking in the background, “I was just walking out of the apartment.”
“I wish I could’ve been there to take you. Or that you’d have agreed to let Akaashi go with you.” He knows she can do it, but it doesn’t alleviate any guilt he has knowing that she didn’t really want to go alone.
“You can’t help a scheduling change and I’ll be okay, it’s not too far, ya know?” There’s a bit of hesitation in her voice and it kills Bokuto to know there’s nothing he can do. He tried to get her to reschedule but she said it had taken her a while to just get this one, she didn’t know how long it’d take to get another.
He sits on the ground next to his hotel room’s door, leaning back against the wall. “I know, but I still like feeling needed.” “Ko,” there’s a smile in her tone, “I’ll always need you. I gotta go, good luck at your game!”
“I love you. Be safe.”
“Love too you Ko!”
He stares at his phone, the screen now black and he can’t help but feel this pit in his stomach, like something’s eating at him. He pushes himself off the ground, trying to shake off the feeling, chalking it up to pre-game jitters.
*                      * 10:30 AM
It’s nearing the end of the first set of the match against the Adler that Bokuto’s focus seems to be withering. Hinata starts trying to pick up the slack on Bo’s end and Atsumu gets pissed off enough to stop setting to him altogether, which helps but the Adlers are quick to use that as a weak spot for MSBY. After the first set, Adlers in the lead, Coach Foster makes the decision to bench Bo.
Bokuto flops down on the bench, accepting a water bottle from the team’s manager. He hates this feeling, especially when he proudly told Akaashi and Atsumu that he wasn’t the moody guy that he was back in high school, and here he was letting whatever this feeling is affect his gameplay.
“Just cool down and clear your head.” Coach Foster says, not taking his eyes off the court.
Bokuto leans forward, his head between his knees as he steadies his breathing, letting go of everything that feels like it’s weighing him down. He knows that she’s fine, she promised him that she would be and he lets the comfort of her voice clear his mind before he makes eye contact with his coach, telling him that he’s ready now.
*                      * 1:55 PM
She should be home by now, right?
Bokuto looks down at his phone again, her voicemail echoing from the other end. Once Bokuto’s mind was clear, the Black Jackal dominated the court and took the win, but even with the various cheers filling the locker room, Bo found himself feeling miles away from the celebration.
He clicks on her thread once more, the last text having been from a few days ago about dinner, no “got here safely” text from today and that makes his stomach sink. He tries calling again, trying to rationalize that maybe it hadn’t gone through the first time, locker rooms had shaky cell reception, right? But he gets her voicemail once again, glances up at the clock, noting that maybe she was eating lunch or taking a nap, she’d been napping a lot more lately.
“I’m sure she’s fine, Bo!” Hinata says, patting his teammate on the back.
“C’mon, let’s go get something to eat!” Atsumu yells and a few other teammates quickly agree.
Bo lets out a sigh, shaking the thoughts from his head, “yeah, okay.”
*                      * 2:30 PM
Bokuto walks out of the hotel, most of the team already waiting out front, he doesn’t want to get food, he’d rather head back home, but the team is scheduled for a meet and greet tonight. Meaning chances of him leaving before tomorrow morning are slim. He looks down at his phone, an unknown number is calling, but before he can ignore it, the almost paralyzing feeling that weighed him down on the court grips around him.
“Hello?” His voice is shaking, Hinata and Atsumu walk over to him, both lost in whatever they were talking about to notice the shift in Bokuto’s demeanor.
“I’m calling for a Bokuto-san. Is this them?” “Yeah, I’m Boku—” He can’t finish his sentence, his mind racing with various thoughts, negative thoughts dry his mouth, causing a lump in a throat, like his body already knows what he’s about to hear. Hinata looks between him and Atsumu, clearly concerned for his teammate and friend, while Atsumu leans into the other side of the phone, hoping to overhear.
“You’re listed as an emergency contact for a L/N F/N.” There’s a pause that last about five seconds too long for Bokuto’s worried mind.
He doesn’t really hear anything after that, just snippets of the unfamiliar voice on the other side.
There was an accident…
…emergency surgery.
How soon…
…be here?
Atsumu catches Bokuto’s phone as his hand just lets it go, his mind still racing as the color drains from his face. He turns, running back into the hotel, using the stairs to get to his room because his anxious mind couldn’t take the wait for an elevator. Hinata and Atsumu run after him, but all he can hear is the thumping of his heart in his ears, his vision getting blurry from either tears or shock, he’s not too sure.
He fumbles with the keycard to get into the room, all but slamming it against the sensor before flinging the door open. He’s panicked, looking around the room trying to figure out what he needs right now, what should he take, he was never good at this thing, Y/N is always the one who packs things for him.
By the time Hinata and Atsumu have caught up to him, he’s mumbling to himself, Sakusa stepping out of the room next door to see what all the noise is from.
“I’ll fly. I’ll fly back to Osaka.” Bokuto says, looking for his passport, because in his mind airport equals passport.
“That’d take too long Bokuto.” Sakusa slowly steps into the room, trying to reason with him, “by the time you got a flight you could’ve already been back.”
Bokuto looks back towards the door, towards three of his teammates and the expression on his face could break their hearts. His bottom lip is poked out in a worried pout, his hair drooping down, almost like it’s deflated. None of them know what to do or to say, this is Akaashi’s or Y/N’s territory, not theirs.
“The train, Bo. That’s the fastest to get to her.”
He starts nodding, patting his pockets to make sure he has his wallet and quickly grabs a hoodie, as he starts making his way out of the room, his face void of any expression or emotion.
Keys.
Check.
Wallet.
Check.
Phone.
Check.
He pauses, still panicked, “I don’t have my passport. Where is it? I need it!”
Atsumu wants to grab and push Bokuto out of the room, to yell that he doesn’t need a passport to get on the train, but Hinata rushing into the room, swiping it from the inside pocket that lined his duffle bag. It’s where Y/N had told Bo to keep it so he wouldn’t worry about losing it or walking out of the hotel without it and where he’s kept it ever since.
“Here you go.” Hinata hands it to the wing spiker, noting that Bokuto’s eyes look dead, there’s no light in them like usual. “C’mon, let’s get to the train station.”
*                      * 6 PM
Bokuto bolts into the hospital, frantically looking around the sterile white building, breathlessly. He walks up to the first person that he sees in a white coat, not really caring how he looks to anyone.
“I…got a call…”
“Patient name?”
He tells the doctor her name, watching the woman’s face drop just slightly before becoming stoic again. “Let’s go somewhere and talk.”
“After I see her…” His words are desperate, like he’s hanging on from the edge, getting ready to fall at any moment. The pain in his eyes clearly evident to the woman as she tries to figure out what to do, how to handle the situation. “Please.”
“We tried….there wasn’t…I’m sorry…”
He shakes his head, as if the motion alone would change what he’s about to hear, what he’s feared since he got the call. His fingers run through his hair, tugging on it slight to ground him because it feels unreal, like he’s watching this unfold from outside his own body.
“…your losses.”
Bokuto’s attention instantly refocuses, eyes lined with tears that are seconds from falling, such a pathetic expression in his eyes. “What?”
“I just assumed you knew.” The doctor shifts awkwardly on her feet, “it seems she was 11 weeks pregnant.”
*                      * 7:12 PM
“Bokuto-san.”
Bokuto’s sitting next to the hospital bed where Y/N is, holding her hand, half asleep, the mix of crying and the adrenaline wearing off has drained him. He’s been there practically since he arrived, refusing to leave her, refusing to accept that she’s anything but sleeping.
“Bokuto-san.”
He looks up, eyes red and puffy, his nose stuffy as he breathes through it, turning slightly to see the owner of the voice, never letting go of her hand. Though it doesn’t feel like her hand, it’s cold which isn’t unlike her, she’s always been warm. She brought a warmth to Bokuto’s life and he’s not sure he’s ready to let it go, he’s not sure that he can let go.
Akaashi walks in the room, placing a hand on Bo’s right shoulder, “Bokuto-san, let’s get you home.”
“I can’t…leave her…here.” He starts choking on the sobs that rip through his throat, “she won’t know where she is.”
“I know, but it’s getting late.”
“We can go…after she wakes up, okay? Yeah, yeah,” his voice raises a little bit, like he’s satisfied with the idea he’s come up with, “that way…I can let her…know I’ll be back.”
Akaashi takes a deep breath, he thought he’d seen every side of Bokuto, that he knew all of his weaknesses and strengths, that he was the one of the few people that could ground Bokuto, but he’s out of his element here. How do you tell your best friend the love of his life isn’t going to wake up?
“Boku—” “Aka—Keiji,” He steadies his breath, a small sob cracks his voice, “I know…she’s gone, but once I leave we won’t be a family of three, it’ll just…it’ll just be me.”
Akaashi feels his own tears starting to form, trying to blink them away, he has to be strong for his best friend. He squeezes his hand on Bokuto’s shoulder when he feels him start to tremble, to shake underneath him, cries filling the room. He wants to tell Bokuto that it’s time to leave, that they really need to be going, but how do you take someone away from something that wasn’t theirs yet?
*                      * Present Day
Bokuto’s never really believed in a higher power, he doesn’t give much thought to horoscopes or pay any attention when people swear they had “feelings” about something, but looking back on that day, something didn’t sit right in his stomach after their call ended. And that’s something that has plagued his thoughts ever since.
If only he had called her back, begged for her to just miss the appointment, maybe…maybe she wouldn’t have…
He shakes his head, tears trailing his cheeks, he knows it won’t do him any good to think that way, but how could he not? Looking back, he knows something was trying to tell him to stop her, but he didn’t, he just let her go and this was the outcome of his choice.
“Sorry I didn’t come for a few days, we had another away game, but Akaashi told me that he came a few times to keep you company.” He wipes the tears, smearing this across his face. “I’ve gotten better at packing my bags now, though Sakusa still brings extra toiletries for me.”
He tilts his head to the side, realizing that sometimes if he stopped thinking, it still felt like she was there, so much of her still part of his daily interactions, bits of her still sprinkled through his decisions.
Laundry’s still done on Wednesdays because she liked doing it in the middle of the week.
Take-out for dinner on Saturdays because that was always their at-home date night.
Passport can still be found in the lining pocket of his duffle bag when he’s traveling.
Her favorite tea brand is still in the cabinets because Bokuto still brews it just so the house smells like her.
“I was picked to play on the Japan National Team in the Olympics this year, Y/N. You always said I could do it.” He fumbles in his pocket, grabbing the small item that’s been weighing down on him. “I never told you, but I had big plans for if I made it to the Olympics.”
Bokuto places a small black velvet box on top of the tombstone, his fingers dragging across the smooth surface, letting his hand fall when it reaches the end. He whispers that he loves her one more time before he heads back to the parking lot, Kuroo was waiting there. Even without her around, he was never alone, not really, one of his friends was always finding an excuse to stay with him which he didn’t mind.
It hurts, hurts to try to figure out a life without her, knowing that if things had been different they’d be getting ready for a baby. Part of him wants to fall apart acknowledging that, knowing that in some alternate universe she’s his wife and mother of his child, that he’s a dad, but he can’t because it feels wrong to mourn over something that was never his to begin with.
306 notes · View notes
beauty-and-passion · 4 years ago
Text
My True Identity: foreshadowing and cruel irony
I promised this analysis long ago. I promised I would have finally started the rewatch.
And here I am. After all this time, it's finally rewatch time.
Before proceeding with this, let me clarify a couple points:
These analyses won't have a clear schedule. As you know, some episodes take a lot of time, while others are much simpler and/or shorter. I will just post every time I finish an analysis.
Not all episodes might be worth an analysis. Some might be fused into one post, others might be completely ignored. That doesn’t mean they’re useless, but only that I personally have nothing to say about them.
For now, I don't plan to talk about episodes I talked about, like DWIT and POF. But who knows, maybe there will be something else to add, when I'll come back to them? Still, for now don't expect anything new for these two episodes.
These are all my personal thoughts, so I could be completely wrong about everything. If you disagree/agree/want to add something, please feel free to do it.
As always, I might talk about all sorts of themes, so read at your own risk.
And now, let's begin.
_______________________________
An unclear plan
When he looked back at the first episode of what would've become Sanders Sides, Thomas himself admitted he had no clear plan about what he wanted to do. Would he film just a bunch of vlogs with these characters taken from his Vines? Would he do silly, funny sketches and talk about some random theme every time? He had no idea.
And this episode shows it: it really looks more like a simple, light-hearted vlog with funny characters, rather than what it would've become.
And this is probably what makes it a very intriguing start. Looking at it in retrospect, you can find a lot of stuff. You can see a lot of cruel irony, considering what these characters are saying and who is saying what. You can see a lot of points that will actually be discussed throughout the series. And you can even notice a lot of foreshadowing.
_______________________________
The main point of Sanders Sides
[Thomas]: Do I really know myself as well as I should? (...)  I need to have a sit-down with myself, figure myself out, and maybe come to a better understanding that we all could learn from! Let’s do this!
This first episode might not take the future developments of the series into consideration, but the main point was still here.
Thomas doesn't know himself well enough. There's a lot he has to figure out. He needs to talk with himself and learn more.
Considering who are the last two sides Thomas learned about, this is just adorable. Look at this young Thomas, so cute and naive, thinking: "Oh yes, I will learn more about myself and it will all be fun and games! :DDD". So adorable, he has no idea what the future has in store for him.
This also connects to another point I mentioned in my analysis about the Dark Sides: before starting the series, Thomas didn't know his sides well enough. And we can see it in the way they interact between them and with Thomas.
For example, this part:
[Morality]: And no matter what, no one knows you better than yourself. Am I right, Tony? [Thomas]: Not my name. [Morality]: Then what is it?
I know it was a joke, but it was also a confirmation. Not even his own heart knows him well. Thomas never truly spoke with his sides - and they never truly spoke between them. They've always played a role - the teacher, the prince, the dad. Now they can start knowing each other.
_______________________________
Possible foreshadowing about Roman's arc
[Thomas]: Like, okay, relationships (...) where do I stand in those regards? [Princey]: I have a pretty ideal vision of love... There's someone out there for me... One true love... [Logic]: But you tend to overthink things, rule out possibilities with logic, dream up obstacles with each new connection you make... [Thomas]: And that when the anxiety kicks in. Maybe that’s why I haven’t found a person for me yet.
Oh boy, I can feel the last episodes and Asides looming over me.
Let's analyze each part of this conversation:
1) Thomas (and Roman) has a pretty ideal vision of love. One true love waiting for him. And now, guess what? Thomas is in love with Nico. And we all remember how Roman welcomed the idea of this new love in their lives.
[Roman]: I so... SO badly want this. I- I'm desperate for it...
And also how amazed he was, when they came back home:
[Roman]: A POET! To top it all off, he's a poet!
Considering the above premises, would it be so difficult for Roman to start idealizing this relationship with Nico? To consider Nico the “one true love” he talked about? To put him on a pedestal and, at the same time, search inside him all the characteristics the one true love should have?
This could lead to a very interesting possibility: Thomas putting Nico under the pressure of being his perfect man, to have all those characteristics his dreamy, romantic side wants to see. All while considering him incredibly perfect to the point of becoming inhuman.
All of this could end up only one way: scaring Nico. Maybe to the point of driving him away from Thomas.
2) Thomas overthinks, “rule out possibilities with logic” and dreams up obstacles. Could this also be a possible foreshadowing?
At the end of FWSA, when Thomas asked if they were ready for this relationship, Virgil stopped smiling, all while the camera slowly zoomed on him. The message was clear: Virgil isn’t ready for a change yet.
So we have Roman, who sees Nico as the perfect, ideal man of his dreams. And we have Virgil, afraid of changes, overthinker by nature and prone to self-deprecation.
The ingredients are all here: it is very possible that Thomas/Roman will put Nico on a pedestal and, the moment Nico is scared by Roman's adoration, Virgil starts to freak out and to talk bad about himself, because why someone so perfect and dreamy like Nico would ever love someone like Thomas?
This could potentially lead to a heated confrontation between Virgil and Roman that could be the metaphorical last nail on the coffin: Roman is already hurt because Patton sided with Janus. Nico drifting away from Thomas and Virgil's self-deprecation might convince him that yes, Thomas is truly bad and unworthy of love like Virgil says. He himself is bad and unworthy because he's not the perfect Creativity he should be.
And this can be a great starting point for his character arc.
  _______________________________
OH THE IRONY part 1: no one learned anything (yet)
[Morality]: But that’s okay. The important thing to keep in mind is nobody’s perfect. Everyone comes with their own flaws. [Thomas]: Including me. [Princey]: Yes, someone will accept us, flaws and all. Until that day, I shall learn to love... myself. 
Oh hey, look: the end of POF and Roman who still hasn't learnt nothing.
Jokes aside, I love how Patton is the one who says that everybody has flaws, but he excludes Thomas. It's Thomas himself who says he has flaws as well.
Doesn't that remind you of anything? Like this moment in SvS?
[Patton]: Well... Nobody's perfect... Except for Thomas! He loves his friends!
Patton saw Thomas as perfect and pure from the start. I love this, because it's very subtle and you don't notice it - until the events of SvS and POF.
But while Patton is finally learning (after almost 30 episodes) that Thomas isn't perfect, Roman is still very far from his goal of loving himself.
That's probably why he needs a romance this much: by focusing on someone else, he can easily ignore how much he doesn't like himself and his flaws.
And hey, I can even guess the name of these "flaws" he doesn't like so much.
Tumblr media
_______________________________
These words are not foreshadowing at all
[Logic]: Um... Are we bringing up flaws now? Because if so, get ready to take a lot of notes. [Thomas]: Oh, uh... [Logic]: -continuing- Okay, you ready? Here we go. You procrastinate A LOT. [Morality]: You can be a bit selfish with your food and your other belongings... [Princey]: You’re definitely not the most adventurous person... [Thomas]: Okay, maybe this was a bad idea if I'm supposed to be learning to love myself. [Logic]: Ah, but remember, everyone has flaws.
Let's not forget that Thomas still had no clear plan, while filming this episode. This was supposed to be just a vlog.
But look at how the universe made these characters say these things. Look at dear sweet Patton, bringing up Thomas’ selfishness. How cute, he really has no idea what episodes are waiting for him.
And Roman brings up Thomas’ fear of changes. Awww, how cute, he has NO IDEA of the guy that will become his worst nightmare and his bestie at the same time <3
_______________________________
OH THE IRONY part 2: just look who's talking
[Morality]: Well, it’s important to be nice to ourselves and cut ourselves some slack every once in a while... [Princey]: Wouldn’t want to be our own villain, would we?
LOOK WHO’S TALKING.
Just look at the absolute irony of Mr. Selflessness talking about the importance of being nice to ourselves. Mr. Thomas-Should-Be-A-Martyr saying that cutting us some slack is good.
All while Mr. I-Thought-I-Was-Your-Hero tells us that we don’t want to be our own villain, right? Right?
Tumblr media
_______________________________
Three fundamental questions
[Princey]: Well, what do you wish to look for in a relationship? What are you hoping to gain from having another person in your life? [Thomas]: Um... I don’t know. Someone who’s a nice compliment to me... someone who wants a long stable relationship... someone who indulges in the same sense of humor, and um... someone who can binge-watch cartoons with me.
This might be considered another foreshadowing of Thomas and Nico's relationship - maybe even the solution of the drama that will take place, after Roman and Virgil's fight we suggested before. The best solution: not putting Nico on a pedestal and seeing him as the perfect man, but appreciating him for who he is, for the normal guy he is - a guy Thomas loves and nothing else.
[Logic]: With everything you've learned, what do you wish to do with your education? [Thomas]: Ooh... I am not sure... I’d love to figure out ways to help the environment. Science was always my strong point and I love chemistry.
As I said multiple times, I think Thomas' decision to leave chemical engineering and become an actor will play a huge role in Logan's arc. And this question slighty hints at this.
At this point in time, Thomas still wants to use his education in a fruitful way. He still wants to use science, it's still his main goal. Doing silly videos is just an addition. "A good start", as he said:
[Thomas]: I think just being able to put out silly light-hearted content into the world is kind of a good start. It makes me really happy to do that. [Logic]: Well there you go. A good foundation.
And that's how Logan considers it as well: just a foundation. Not something that will take a huge part of Thomas' life. These videos are just a start.
This explains his reactions in the following episodes, especially how much he insisted on Thomas having a real job: after all, these videos are not something serious. Why focusing so much on them?
This could potentially be the starting point of Logan's increasing frustration and the reason of his final snap in season 3, that would also start his character arc.
But Patton’s question is what really surprises me:
[Morality]: What positive impacts do you inevitably hope to bring to this world?
Not only this screams POF, but it shows something for the first time: that Patton is silly, but he’s also clever. He’s not a complete idiot. He likes to be silly, he IS silly, but this question proves he's a lot more mature than he seems.
And if you think this is just a one-time thing, don't worry, we'll see it again in the future.
Is this a foreshadowing of my next analysis? Well, the episode was all foreshadowing, why can't I foreshadow something as well? ;)
( Support me on Ko-fi )
_______________________________
TAGLIST:
@willpowerwisps @royalprinceroman @reesiereads @mudpuddlenl @shelby-711 @allmycrushesaredead @aquatedia @sweetkirbi @whatishappeningrightnow  @effortiswhatmatters  @atlasistryingherbest @bella-in-a-bag  @doydoune  @miasheer  @forever-third-wheeling @mishanthropist  @corndot @payte @mcang3l  @geekyapollokid  @kawaiipotatuh  @hypnossanders  @idontreallyknow24  @imcrushedbyarainbow  @simplyapannightmare  @patton-cake  @hereissananxiousmess  @purplebronzeandblue  @cynicalandsarcastic  @empressserelene  @dubstepbranch  @chara-073  @lost-in-thought-20  @arobohamster @book-limerence
@riseofthewerewolf @frog-candy-bee @bosspotato01  @rosesandlove44 @methaley @sololad  @firey-alex  @sashootkahoot​ @chewy-rubies @groaaaaan  @croftergamer​ @misty-the-girlflux-mess​  @thedevilseyes​  @arya-skywalker​  @csi-baker-street-babes​ @queen-of-all-things-snuggly
@virgildarknessdementiaravenway​ @mishanthropist​  @dracayd-universe​  @unknown-artworks​   @lonelyfangirl453​  @starlightnyx​ @alienvamp-hesitantflowerface​ @stubbornness-and-spite​  @alittletoo-extra​ @averykedavra  @iloveeverytjing123 @bookedforevermore @joyrose-fandomer @anachronismes @the-cloud-14  @mihaela-tbg @igonnatalknothing
@thatoneloudowl​  @grayson-22​  @softangryfuckingdepressed​ @theotherella​  @boopypasta​ @nevenastark​ @varthandi @floofyconfusednerd @nothing-worth-mentioning @mikalya12 @roses-bubbles @cuter-on-the-inside  @coldbookworm  @orchidstanslogan  @snixxxsmythe  @frog-candy-bee  @holleratyour-buoyancy @alexowlndra  @fadingbagelbananapatrol  @our-bloody-mari666  @cxsmospooks  @riverraysong @sanity-whosshe-neverheardofher  @charmingcritter  @analogical-mess​
120 notes · View notes
sanjisock · 3 years ago
Text
more than words
50 words; 50 sentences
ao3
#01 - Motion
A spinning kick, a swing of blade — the two meet and hit but don’t hurt, and Nami sighs exasperatedly at such a pathetic display of a mating dance.
#02 - Cool
Zoro stands his ground as his enemy — finally, finally — falls unceremoniously on his back, unconscious, and Sanji thinks for a moment that the sight of Zoro — wild and victorious and ready to take on the world — looks kind of, maybe, slightly cool.
  #03 - Young
Brook sees the two — dying to die for each other, the weight of their friends’ lives pulling down their shoulders — and he thinks too many people forget how young they still are.
  #04 - Last
The Cook is the last person Zoro would consider lending a hand in a fight — “who would want to work together with that dumbass anyway,” he lies whenever anyone asks, and doesn’t admit that it’s because he trusts Sanji’s ability to stand his ground, wholly and fully.
  #05 - Wrong
Sanji knows Zoro, like him, understands better than most — that this nakama thing isn’t just something you’d die for, but something you’d kill for, too.
  #06 - Gentle
Sanji manages to catch Kitetsu before it rolls off from the deck during a storm, and in that moment, Zoro knows, from the reverent way he regards the swords in his hands, that this isn’t the first time the Cook has wielded one.
  #07 - One
“Calm down, Marimo,” Sanji says with a dismissive wave of his hand when Zoro asks about the sword a few days later, “I’m not about to take your place as the ship’s swordsman; a cook doesn’t use his hands to fight, and I had a terrible teacher anyways.”
  #08 - Thousand
“I’m worth two thousand men,” Zoro grumpily says, almost sulking, and Nami can’t resist patting his head like she would to a little boy pulling the pigtail of a girl he has a crush on.
  #09 - King
You’re like the prince of Dumbass Kingdom, Zoro says, and it takes Sanji everything in him not to blurt out, Dumbass Kingdom sounds about right; wait ‘till you see the fucking king.
  #10 - Learn
Watching Sanji converse fluently with a couple of tourists in a Northern language, Zoro wonders when he will ever stop learning something new about Sanji — or if he ever will, at all.
  #11 - Blur
When Zoro finally comes to, the wounds from Bartholomeow Kuma is muted by Chopper’s medicine, a dull throb at the back of his consciousness; but the sharp pain against his heart feels raw still, visceral and razor-sharp, tucked alongside the ache of Sanji’s sacrifice.
#12 - Wait
“Wait,” he manages to croak out before Sanji flees the room, the word spilling out unbidden; he isn’t quite sure why, but he knows that he wants the Cook to stay.
  #13 - Change
“Have some fucking decency ,” Sanji yells, throwing a shirt at Zoro’s direction; the brute has been walking around the ship bare-chested like an eyesore ever since they entered the summer island, and Sanji is just trying to do everyone a favor — and definitely not because there’s a different kind of heat pooling at the pit of his stomach.
#14 - Command
Robin watches the two in amusement — Zoro could have easily refused to be Sanji’s pack mule, and she can hear him grumbling about it still; and yet, here they are, once again, together at the island’s marketplace.
#15 - Hold
Sanji is rough around the edges, bristling at the slightest touch; Zoro knows he needs to be gentle, but he doesn’t quite remember the last time he held something that isn’t a hilt of a sword, without meaning to hurt . It’s a learning curve. 
  #16 - Need
Sanji knows Zoro is a dumbass, but it takes a special kind of stupid to think he would never be good enough for Sanji, when he’s all that Sanji has ever needed.
#17 - Vision
Zoro never regrets losing his eye, but he wishes, sometimes, he could still take in the sight of Sanji with an unimpaired vision, just to see more of him.
  #18 - Attention
“You’re starting a fight, Marimo?” Sanji growls, voice low and dangerous, and Zoro thinks, yes, yes, anything to get you to look at me.
  #19 - Soul
He loves the kid like a brother, but sometimes Zoro hates how Luffy can easily see past his gruff words and feigned ignorance; the way Luffy only needs to take one look at him to guess, “you’re worried about Sanji, aren’t you?”
  #20 - Picture
He carries around everyone’s bounty posters, Sanji tells himself, and tries not to think too hard about how the only one he kept in his breast pocket is Zoro’s, folded neatly against his heart.
  #21 - Fool
“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done so far,” Sanji says when they part, lips still tingling from their earlier kiss, because Zoro’s love is fierce and consuming and Sanji knows, ever since he was just a kid with the iron mask, that he doesn’t deserve any of this.
  #22 - Mad
“Don’t you ever say that kind of shit again,” Zoro snarls, slamming the wall beside Sanji’s head, his voice trembling with a kind of anger Sanji has never seen him with before — frustrated, desperate. “You’re important to me, Cook.” 
  #23 - Child
Grow up and cast your dreams away, Sanji tells himself every day, the voice ringing in his ears; you stopped being a child deserving of a dream the moment you chained Zeff down to the ground.
  #24 - Now
Grow up and cast your dreams away, Sanji wants to tell himself, but the voice stutters, drowned out by the sight of the kid bleeding on the deck of Baratie — he’s a swordsman, too, acknowledged by none other than Dracule Mihawk himself — but a kid still, throwing himself headfirst towards the case of his dreams, steps unweighted by regrets.
  #25 - Shadow
Zoro doesn’t know which is worse — Sanji, forever running away from the shadow his brothers cast; or Zoro, chasing after someone who is no longer around to leave behind a shadow anymore.
  #26 - Goodbye
After Whole Cake Island, there’s a period of time where Zoro would follow Sanji around the ship like a lost puppy, unwilling to let the Cook out of his sight; Usopp definitely didn’t expect Zoro to have such a cute side, and crouches over his new invention to hide his smile.
  #27 - Hide
“We’re not doing that here,” Sanji hisses, and forces himself not to laugh at the pout on Zoro’s face; the galley might be secluded enough, but they’re still on the enemy ship’s galley.
  #28 - Fortune
It is annoying, the way Sanji keeps reminding Zoro that he could have collected Mihawk’s bounty and lived the rest of his life in wealth; especially when Zoro would trade any riches in the world just to stay by the Cook’s side.
  #29 - Safe
It catches Zoro off guard when Sanji starts talking about his mother; it’s a short anecdote, a single happy memory, but Zoro can tell by the way Sanji tells it — guarded and hesitant, like he wants to keep the words close and safe — that he has never shared it with anyone else before.
  #30 - Ghost
Usopp starts shaking like a leaf as soon as they enter the abandoned, dilapidated house, and Sanji gently tells him, sometimes the worst ghost is the one you create yourself; Zoro feels the weight of Wado on his hip, and agrees.
  #31 - Book
“I don’t need this,” Zoro grumbles with a blush, pushing the book back into Nami’s hands, trying hard to ignore Nami’s laughter and the words ROMANCE FOR DUMMIES emblazoned on the book’s jacket.
  #32 - Eye
Shusui sinks into the man’s stomach, all the way to the hilt, and Zoro thinks of the way Sanji curled into himself as the man landed a lucky hit on the cook’s hand. An eye for an eye.
  #33 - Never
“This is my first time,” Zoro whispers, head ducking away as he feels his face flush at the admission; but Sanji’s hand rests on his cheek, encouraging, and he can feel the curve of Sanji’s smile as their lips meet and Sanji replies, “it’s mine, too.”
  #34 - Sing
Luffy cheers when Zoro and Sanji comes into view, and he lets them take on the next batch of enemies; a good fight is always fun, but watching Zoro and Sanji fight is even more so — like watching a dance that only those two know the melody to.
  #35 - Sudden
“What, are we supposed to be surprised?” Nami says, barely looking up from the map she’s working on; Sanji sputters, face redder than the tomatoes he served during breakfast, and Nami feels almost bad for him.
  #36 - Stop
“But we — Zoro and I — how did you know?” Sanji asks, and promptly stops asking questions when he realizes the rest of the crew aren’t surprised either; who could blame them, when his and Zoro’s sexual tension can be seen from a mile away.
  #37 - Time
Sanji knows they have to break apart soon, just to breathe, but right now all he cares about is to taste as much of Zoro as possible — he has waited two years for this, and it has been two years too long.
  #38 - Wash
They have their fair share of fighting — and how, considering the amount of repairs Usopp has to do for Merry just from their petty fights alone — but what the crew doesn’t know is that they also have this thing, this quiet thing, just him and the Cook and a stack of dirty plates between them.
  #39 - Torn
“In retrospect,” Robin observes, “dressing up our dear cook in a maid uniform would not only lower the enemy’s firepower, but also ours, considering how distracted our swordsman has clearly become.”
  #40 - History
“Why do you keep him around, mister?” The kid asks, pointing at the old swordsman with three swords and an eye scar by the peer; Sanji laughs, pats the kid on the head, and says, almost wistfully — “you can say we have some history.”
  #41 - Power
Sanji tugs at Zoro’s sleeve, and Zoro follows suit despite his complaints — Sanji thinks, distantly, how much of an honor it is, to have so much control over such a powerful man.
  #42 - Bother
“I didn’t have enough time to make this three-tier ice cream cake for our lovely Nami-san and Robin-chan because you distracted me!” Sanji says with a hard jab of a finger against Zoro’s chest, and Zoro thinks, good .
  #43 - God
Zoro does not believe in gods, but there’s a hymn of a noise when Zoro presses his lips against the crook of Sanji’s neck, the hallelujah of the world breaking apart as their bodies move together, and he thinks, close enough .
  #44 - Wall
 Zoro slams his fist into the wall of Polar Tang, and is taken aback by the depth of his own frustration; he knows Luffy and the others will get Sanji back from Big Mom’s place, but it unsettles him still, the way Sanji hides himself under layers of pretenses when Zoro has bared so much of himself to the Cook in return.
  #45 - Naked
“What the fuck was that for , Mosshead?!” Sanji shrieks, justifiably furious, leg raised and on fire after Zoro sliced his tray into two without preamble; Zoro can’t exactly tell the Cook he did it because he was too surprised at the sight of Sanji in a swimming trunk and nothing else.
  #46 - Drive
Why Zoro , people sometimes ask, but the answer is easy to Sanji — nobody drives him crazy the way Zoro does, and is that not what true love feels like?
  #47 - Harm
Zoro knows Sanji will be furious ; but as he faces Kuma, knowing at least the Cook is out of harm’s way, he knows he would do this a hundred times over, a thousand times over, a million times over.
  #48 - Precious
Sanji is sitting by the corner of the infirmary, face pale with red-rimmed eyes, and Zoro thinks he’s never had that, before — people who would weep for him, knowing that he is more than dried scars and calloused skin.
  #49 - Hunger
This thing we have is dangerous, Sanji tells him, but Zoro doesn’t care — he already has a craving, the same way he needs a booze when it’s been too long, except he thinks that this vice will surely kill him.
  #50 - Believe
This isn’t faith; this is the truth, Zoro’s truth, the same way he knows he will become the Greatest — Sanji will find that elusive sea of his, and Zoro will stay with him until it is the last thing he can do.
53 notes · View notes