#i used to be like oh maybe some ppl tried to slow down and just couldn’t in time but now i literally do not care fuck you

[hellfireeddiemunson]

i wish anyone who drives and doesn’t slow down when passing people to avoid splashing them with puddles/slush a very i hope every part of your car shits the bed and you can’t get it fixed or get a new vehicle you don’t deserve one

[themulitipurposechannel]

Fic: This is victory (hollow and cold).

Part: One

What if.. Mikey’s portal drags home a cold dead corpse.

I would like to preface this by saying I completely blame @goodlucktai for their amazing Incredible story, raised on little light for putting this idea into my head. Guys go check it out the fic, it’s amazing it makes me so so sad but there is also so many good things in it 😭. Personally speaking I don’t think there’s anything I can write that will ever come close to what Tai can do, but as a famous internet post once said, write your shitty pots. So here we goes ppl

Tw: major character death, grief, suicide idealisation, getting disowned, disassociation, starvation, slight description of injuries and inaccurate medical advice

But I promise, there is still hope even in this.

_

“Casey! When I get to the other side you close that portal!”

Everything stills. The world falls static.

“What..?” A foreign voice enters the fray. Ah. Cj thinks distantly. It’s mine.

A series of thoughts shoots through his mind. Faster than the battle drones Uncle Tello used to make, faster than the joy rides Uncle Mi used to give.

He sees empty eyes, forced smiles. Screaming voices stained with the weight only grief, hunger, thirst and stress can give.

He thinks of Michelangelo in the brief moments he has met the turtle, so bright and so energetic. And then he remembers his Uncle Mi twisted into something quiet, slow and outwardly peaceful.

He remembers Monty, so stoic and so very angry. Yet so very indulgent when it counts. Out in a blaze of guns and glory. Standard-issue shoulder pauldron shoved into shaking hands. You will do great things Princey. He remembers Monty’s mother. Whose name he never got, forever in a daze, staring at walls of nothing. A hallowed husk like so many of the living ghosts that wandered their dusty halls. He remembers Miwa. So tiny, so fragile. So young. Too young. No amount of their anything can ever replace or beat modern medicine.

His Uncle Tello, bitter, grumpy; burnt out and constantly overstimulated from the dirt covered and squishy pink hell they’ve found themselves in. But sometimes on better days he cocks his head to the side, with a face that almost smiles at Cj and says, “Come Jones Junior; I appear to have some scraps we need to dispose off.” Which is code for we’re going to give your Pa an aneurysm and make things go boom.

He remembers his family. Tired, thirsty, hungry, eyes on them constantly. Countless sleepless nights in hushed voices arguing, strategising, weeping. They thought he didn’t hear. But children always have the biggest ears and the longest standing shelter on earth is only so large.

First and foremost. Cj knows. He knows with heart wrenching certainty. If there was any way to make peace with the present Hamatos it would all be over now. They’ll hate him. They will. They will never forgive him for this.

Maybe if this was his Mom, his Auntie April, his Da-Uncle Mi, his Uncle Tello, his Grandpa Drax. Whatever else Master Raphael and Master splinter might have been to him. They might just forgive him but these people are not them. They have not been softened with a lifetime of knowing Cj. He doesn’t have that baby of the family privilege. He doesn’t have any privilege at all. It’s only been a day. Less than that technically.

Even just the thought of being hated by his family. Any version of them, curdles something in his core. Every fiber in his being lashes out and screams at the younger version of his sensei. (Oh but it was Leonardo wasn’t it? Oh, what has he done?) In ways he hasn’t done since he was 8 years old, because poor 8 year old Casey hadn’t quite figured out how to breathe through the hunger pains. I’m a healer. I’m supposed to stop these things. Please, I already let go before you can’t make me do this again-

“Leo no! There has to be another way!”

But this Leonardo says;

“We’ve tried everything Casey, he’s too strong”

And deep down Cj knows that too. Much like the lies his family told him. “We can win” He knows otherwise too. Just like if he does this, he knows he’ll be left with nothing too.

But his family will still be here, surrounded by food, clean water, light, and endless amount of comics or magazines they could possibly want. They will be free.

They will never know gnawing hunger or sapping thirst, nor will they know the ever present hum of runhidenotsafe. They will never know the unique kind of suffering that comes from grasping for strength to just open your eyes and breathe in a world that has already long given up on itself.

Cj has seen the future. He has lived and breathed and sometimes, even thrived in an era where the krang came. Where the sky was a bloody brown instead of this clear dark blue and people were driven to insanity and killed from the common cold. Where the sour smell of rot piled everywhere. No matter how much or how hard you scrubbed.

He remembers his Sensei, his Pa, wise, comforting, always ready with a witty comeback or a brilliant plan. He remembers his Commander O’Neil, his Auntie April, rousing, quick and endlessly enduring, the steady voice of reason where even Sensei’s wit dulled. But they were tired, so very tired. The burden of leadership and grief and all the aches and pains of hunger and thirst that can never be quenched, already a fully dressed tomb just waiting for them to hang up their coats and admit futility to the unsurmountable cold.

He remembers how much his family loved him. How hard they tried to scrape together any piece of warmth for him. Tired Golden-Orange heaves himself into the air, to scoop Cj into his arms. Busy Blue who takes any meagre time he has to himself and spends it with Cj. Prickly Purple finds away to colour all his armour a shade of teal, even his siblings are still decked in occasional shades of grey. Overstretched Green always ready to pull her brothers back and scold; too guilty, too smothering, too harsh. Stop. You’re hurting the kid.

If Cj doesn’t close this portal, if he keeps this open, if he disobeys-the Krang will just come back through. And they will plunge the earth into a bloody, poisoned hell.

And he knows that if not Leonardo, then someone else in their stupid, selfless, self-sacrificial family will take up the mantle of resistance, unable to stand idly by at people’s suffering. Because these people are good, so very good. The Hamatos will fight, they will try. And they will lose.

The force of their ire will break him. The thought alone makes him sob, hiccuping in a way he hasn’t done, not since he was found shrieking over a cold Uncle Tello and had to be wrenched away, kicking and screaming. But still holding on. Even to the very last second and beyond. Because he is Cassandra Jones Junjor and a Hamato in every way that matters and he could never leave family behind. At least back then he couldn’t feel mom die

But the apocalypse.. that long, slow, painful march to inevitable death, will break him too. It wasn’t always bad, they had fun, karaoke nights, hilarious attempts to make birthday cakes for kids like him. But fuck.. that doesn’t change the fact that they still lost. That they will all still loose. Cj doesn’t know if he can willingly doom them all again because that’s what he’s going to do isn’t it? They were all so tired, so hungry, so thirsty. How can he let them go through that again?

He remembers how much happier, and how much lighter they always looked in those old scarce photos.

Selfishly, Cj doesn’t know if he can survive through another 20 something years or however long they make it this time, through that hell again. Forced to slowly watch again, as the Krang chip away at his family. Chip away at the people he called his friends till everything, bright, lively and kind was carved out;Uncle Hiro I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry-

They will never love you again. A voice thunders, like the death roll of their final march just this morning where Cj was still breathing in corrupted air under rusty skies. If only he died there with them. Anything is better than having to do this.

I know. Cj shakes, trembling fingers wrap around the key. Casey can see the division between young and new, old and worn and knows he cannot let it blur and become one.

“Casey! Urgh-please!”

Anything. I will give anything, Casey weeps. Anything as long as they live. Casey squeezes his eyes shut.

And just like with Uncle Tello,

Casey finally lets go.

The portal to the prison dimension slams shut with a glorious boom.

Leo, I love you. I’m sorry.

I wish I got more time to know you.

.

.

.

They scream at him. It’s Muffled, like the sensation of sound in the aftermath of a live grenade. They hurl all manner of abuse and venom at his face. He thinks he might be crying. Or maybe he’s not. His head feels tangled like the heaps of crusty old wires, Uncle Tello will never get the chance to unravel.

The shattered body of their Leonardo lies between them, like territory lines drawn between begrudging survivor groups. Cradled by a shaking soft shell. The blurry shapes of familiar voices once desperately calm and patient now roar,cutting and rightfully angry. It falls on his ears. He tries to grasp it, he does. He’s ruined everything, the least Cj can do now is listen.

But exhaustion gnaws at his very bones. Head pounding.

Nothing can explain this.

Nothing will justify this.

Severe head trauma, and shattered, collapsed carapace. Possible bruised and punctured lungs via pieces of loose carapace as the overall structure caved in, resulting in internal bleeding in the lungs and eventual asphyxiation. Patient chocked on his own blood. The field medic immediately drones internally, years of experience and training unable to be shut off (or rather, trained to never shut off) as listless eyes drift down to meet the unmoving slider.

It seems the one-sided eye contact is what finally breaks the softshell’s stupor. “Don’t you fucking dare.” The teen snarls, teeth flashing in all the ways he used to bare it at unwelcome visitors. But never at Casey. Never for long.

Wake up Jones. This is not your Uncle.

The rest of the group falls silent, shocked to see their previously silent family member speaking.

“You don’t get to look at him.” Achingly gentle, the purple branded softshell sets Leonardo onto the tiled floor.

Donatello stands. “You.” He hisses, pointing at Cj.

“You did this.”

Somewhere, somehow Cj manages to gather enough of himself to incline his head slightly in agreement. It’s the least he can do for them.

“Leave.” Donatello orders.

And like the good soldier he is, Cj does. Disappearing into the tunnels.

No one stops him.

<Part 1 | Next>

[btnclmrttn]

OPM NSFW HEADCANONS (PT.1)

Guys I swear I am not trying to drag ass my remaining requests are just long and I want best effort take this in mean time I love u

Ppl think it's just not something he thinks about that often, but he's a very low key pervert

He can be perceived as dominant, but he just slightly leans to it. He's blunt and assertive about these things. It's nice to not be the one always in control but he absolutely can take control if he felt like it. Just depends on how he's doing in life

Always checking you out and hardly anyone could notice. It's because he takes just one good look and starts spacing out with some thoughts of his

The more excited he is the more creative he is. Sometimes it's just some classic position but he's put you against a wall a couple times, holding you up with your knees to your chest

Even if he's being slow and gentle, you can tell when he's starting to lose it cause it gets just a little rougher and progresses from there. Take it if you can or just let him know

Decently vocal and very whiny when you're in control

Likes watching you put on a little show. Don't let him do anything to himself as he watches you and it gets him going

With his strength, you aren't going to have much room to squirm. If ykwim

Has great stamina, but he's just fine with one, maybe two rounds. If he really wants more but you really can't he'll just give you kisses all over your body and praise you. It don't bother him at all that you likely won't ever have equivalent stamina

By some chance you do? And strength? News reports in several cities for "earthquakes"

Always takes a bath with you after to get you cleaned and cuddles with you

I REFUSE to argue. Switch

Honestly more perverted than you would think and is pretty shameless about it

Like he isn't gonna lie, he's upfront. Sometimes during situations probably best to not to say anything but oh well

He's always on his hero business so it's often he isn't around, so sexting came to be a thing with you two. Send him some pictures while he's out you'll be in for it when he gets back

Always at ur place so he doesn't disturb his teacher's peace

Anything squishy on you is an absolute. Tummy, thighs, chest, he wants it. He'll stare if he sees it. Rly likes body worshipping you. Guide his hands where you want he'll be steaming

As much as he's studied you, he knows by now what you want and has some things to try he thinks you'll like based on his studies. Like your horny algorithm

Excellent at keeping consistent motions. Great with his hands, although he'd likely have to put on a glove designed for finger activities to avoid injuring you

Tries his best with dirty talk but that's if he can even talk. It's easy to fuck him stupid. Isn't very vocal, his machinery sort of gets in the way of that.

He does not cum, and you can only overstimulate him so much before his body forcefully shuts down to avoid overheating his shit. Basically you could knock his ass out if you played your cards right

Aftercare KING over here. He got you best blankets, best snacks, he's a personal heater, best praise. Can't go wrong with it

Menace to this society if given the opportunity to be horny

He likes to tease. Downright a shithead with how much he uses it, but it's so very worth it

It's sort of to cover up his inexperience. Quick learner and is down to try anything. Consistently spicing up the bedroom. Loves using toys and vibrators

Gets a bit nuts if you're in a bit of a helpless position, like bound up or pinned under him. You can just tell he's resisting just ruining you

He's fucking YOU stupid, whether it's intentional or not. Could make you see every god with each backshot.

If its more passionate and intimate he's more submissive and doesn't like it being pointed out. It will transition into straight fucking quickly if you do

Actually really big about petting and foreplay. He likes you on his thigh, or pinned with it, kissing you slowly and sloppily all over your neck and your lips.

I think it's obvious he's into biting. He bites to make his whining less noticable. He can get VERY loud and it embarrasses him how much you can make him loose it

He wants EVERYONE to know how good you get it, and leaves hickeys and bites in the most noticable spots

Dude loves some good ol' twist twist sloppy toppy, and gives it back just as good. He can hold his breath for a long ass time, and you taste like the best thing he's ever had

Let's be fr, aftercare took him a minute to get the hang of. He wasn't horrible but again, inexperience. Very clingy cuddler in all.

[mercityart]

So, I've been thinking and I wanna do a creepypasta x y/n type thing, if y'all could send requests n stuff that'd be awesome. For now tho, let's start simple.

Tw: these characters are mentally unwell individuals who don't typically have the means for therapy or medication, they aren't meant to be perfect, and just like so many other ppl they can be toxic and exhibit bad behavior such as self harm, possessiveness and so much more.

WHAT TYPE OF LOVER THEY ARE.

Toby- ooooh boy buckle up for this one. Toby is extremely sweet, almost sickeningly so if we are being honest. However, he does have really bad episodes. Toby has many mental issues, some being schizophrenia and bpd(borderline personality disorder), along with bipolar. His mood can switch so quick and violently it's nauseating. He has episodes he has little to no memory of and severely struggles with self harm, eating disorders and much more. He does not mean to hurt himself and/or others. He tries his best to treat you like a prince/princess/royalty/etc. He loves to take you on hikes and anything physically active and outside, always having far too much energy. He's the type of lover who will carry you on his back or shoulders if you are too exhausted or even hurt. Speaking of which, never tell him you are hurt or gods forbid it's the end of the world. He will baby tf outta you. He's the true definition of "golden retriever boyfriend". Although I see him more as a rednecks bullybreed in my opinion. Sweet, smiley, overly energetic, smart but super ditzy but will bite someone if told to, forever loyal. During episodes where he's super down just rub his back and hum to him, don't force him to do stuff and take everything at one miniscule step at a time, instead of thinking "just take a shower then rest before something else" think "ok, turn on the water, see how far you can go and if you are too tired that's ok, I'll help you, if you just don't wanna, that's ok I'm here let's watch or listen to music". Honestly he just needs a lot more love. He will be protective, playful and always willing to help. A good boy.

Tim- Oh dear Thanatos give me strength. This man is such a softy for his lover(s). He has such a gruff exterior and will always display it, however, when it comes to you that'll soften significantly. You are baby. That's that. He will treat you as his equal, always. This is good and bad though as he will forget that you aren't used to the shit he goes through as the unfortunate victim of the Operator. Don't get me wrong, he will eventually realize but it takes his brain a lil bit of calibrating first. For example, he can say something super insensitive then after a few minutes he's all, "aw shit, darlin I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that, are you ok? What I meant was-" He tries his damnedest I swear, he's just a mentally ill southern man, he ain't the brightest at times but he tries. Now, he can have a temper but rest assured it's unlikely he'll ever lay a hand on you, some other poor soul? Maybe, but definitely not you. He may slam a door or stomp about but he won't even breathe on you. Sometimes though, after a really rough day he can end up in a screaming match with you, but he'll try and make up for it like crazy. Breakfast in bed, more per names, maybe an "I love you" he seldom gives, hell he may even slow dance with you in the kitchen while you guys make food. This mf do be making dad jokes like crazy, he's toughen up a lot since marble hornets but he's still Tim. He's a goofball at times. And let's not forget whats also not battery powered. Cue the music. He loves sitting out on the porch or the windowsill strumming at his guitar or ukalele while writing lil lyrics, later presenting you with his song once it's finished. Also, he gives the best hugs, we love our strong short chubby king.

Brian- look at this hunk of a man. He is like a mix of Tim and Toby. He's smart, calculating, absolutely charming, but he can also be tough, silly and oh so caring. He will always throw around jokes and give the biggest smug grin afterwards showing his gorgeous smile(the cute Lil tooth gaaap) He loves to pick you up and swing you around with his big strong arms. Actually, he loves showing off for you in general when he can. He's really fit, constantly working out, but it's a bit unhealthy, hence why he's so obviously muscular. He doesn't eat a healthy amount and excercises too much, unlike Tim who is just as strong bit looks less fit. This man is the definition of a highschool Jock except he's actually super fucking smart. Now, be aware he's a psychology major, he can be very quite at times and is able to analyze every move you make. He is extremely protective, at times to the point of possessiveness but sometimes it's as though he couldn't really give af. He is an absolute beast of a man, he will use his extreme height, broadness and muscle mass to his advantage. However he is so soft with you. If y'all fight though he is not going to hesitate to pick you up and put you over his shoulders, put you somewhere soft and quiet and then leave for a few hours to cool down. He isn't prone to violence but be careful, if he snaps he blacks out and even Tim would panic in that scenario. He does do everything he can in his power to prevent this from happening, taking medication, smoking weed, going on a long hike, taking anger out on trees, etc. Tbh him and Tim are like dads.

Jeff- Jeff, oh boy. Now, he is definitely a lil rat bastard, as most short trans men(such as myself) are, but xe's not as bad as you may think. Honestly he likely will treat you like a best friend. It will make some morbid jokes, smoke with you if you want, do some stupid shit like vandalism, he don't give af. Xe is very into alternative fashion and music, if you enjoy doing makeup and all sorts of artsy stuff count him in. He won't hesitate to put you in a headlock btw. He will 100000% throw you around and wrestle with you for shits n giggles. It is also, surprisingly a hopeless romantic. He may act all cool on the outside, or at least try, but xe honestly is all heart eyes at the smallest bs. He is so supportive in his own way, saying stuff like "babe, I promise you, you have the absolutely fffffffffattest ass I have ever seen. You is THICC!" Also, please please please pleeeeease call xem "baby boy", "handsome" or even "bunny", he will absolutely melt, and do this while playing with it's hair while he's sitting down playing on his phone between your legs while yet on the couch? Aaaagbkghklg. This man will do anything you want istg. Also, hope you like dogs bc he's got two. Smile dog(aka smiles) and smiley. I know. So creative right? It didn't want to rename them after finding them so he just stuck with it, but he dies tend to call smiles princess though. Also, will absolutely make you his favorite food growing up that his madre made growing up, empanada.

Liu- ah, big mans. Oooooweeeeee. Liu's side is very reserved and quiet. They will kiss your palms and watch you all puppy like when you talk. He isn't huge on talking as he found with Sully it leads to more arguing. He is a body mods artist so if you want tattoos, pricings, etc. You bet he's doing em. Any price of you he modifies he will kiss oh so sweetly, however, they prefer to reserve kisses for spots you dislike about yourself or past scars to remind you how much he loves and appreciates you. He loves to be big spoon but they prefers you two facing each other equally giving affection so he can see how you melt into him while you also can see just how much he cares about you. Due to their job he does get some big bucks so you better love being absolutely soiled and pampered. Anything you show even the slightest smidge of interest towards is yours now. Also, please do his makeup if you do yours in the morning. Having you sit in their lap doing eyeshadow while he rubs your sides his so therapeutic for him. Extremely gentle giant, his issue is they have a hard time communicating and shuts down when confronted. The best time way to deal with an issue is through notes. He likes to pass notes to one another before speaking and agreeing to a solution fully. They don't usually outwardly show if he's upset, but trust me, you will know. Sully doesn't keep his mouth shut ever.

Sully- Sully is very different from Liu. He's very outgoing and brutally honest, extremely blunt and talkative. He will be extremely wary of you at first, and he has severe, and I mean severe, commitment issues. They'll eventually come around though. They love to show you off, constantly holding you up on a shining pedistle for all to see. He likes to hype you tf up. They also love to dance with you, please dance to some Spanish music with them, it'll make their heart race. He also will give you so so so many kisses if you do anything to honor his heritage as his mother is Latina and he grew up around his Mexican family and even lived in Mexico part of his life growing up. If you sing porque te vas to him he will absolutely smother you with kisses. His favorite food was for sure tamales whilst Liu preferred mole.

Otis- Now, Otis is extremely reserved and can come off as cold when he's not masking. He does card though. She just has a hard time showing it he's not huge on giving physical affection or verbal. He typically shows his love through handmade gifts. He does enjoy cuddling on the couch after a rough day though. They don't hate physical or verbal affection, but growing up he was forced to give affection when he didn't want to and was more often shown "affection" through violence, not to mention she's worried that whatever you are wearing will set off their sensory issues. Otis will 10000% shut down if in a argument, but if anyone threatens him or puts hand on them, she will kick their ass no matter what. Otis is a big boy and exhibits behavior very similar to that of a cat. Her favorite thing to do is to sketch, draw, or paint you when you aren't paying attention. He just loves the way you look and the emotions he feels when observing the work they've created. On a really bad day the best thing for you two to do is take a bath bubble bath together surrounded by yummy smelling candles, ambient lighting, and of course having your skin touch hers. She loves the way your skin feels but hates clothes, if he had it her way he'd never wear clothes but sadly society says otherwise. Their thought process is(as is mine) nothing is innapropriate unless someone makes it innapropriate.

Jack (E.J.)- This man is very cold. He doesn't comprehend emotions as much as he used to before the incident. He loves observing you and trying to determine what emotions he is feeling in that moment. He is extremely blunt and anilitical, always saying whatever he is thinking to say. He struggles with having mercy on your emotions. He does apologize and feel guilty when he finds out it made you feel negatively and is always willing to learn and work things out. He wants you to feel safe, comfortable and loved with him. He believes he is a hard person to love due to his situation, believing he is a hideous monster. He severely lacks confidence and it takes a long time for him to even give you a peak at his skin, nevermind not wear his mask around you. He believes you are the most gorgeous person in exhistence and wholeheartedly believes it. He struggles a lot with his hair and it's very damaged. Jack, prior to the incident was a black man and as such his hair was extremely thick and had a super tight curl pattern. Now he typically keeps it straight, please teach him how to take care of his hair, he loves his natural hair but no one taught him how to take care of it as he was adopted by a racist white family growing up as a teen. give him some locks, cornrows, extensions, box braids, hell, teach him how to keep his hair in a natural state while styling. He loves you touching him and you doing his hair not only boosts his confidence but also is extremely therapeutic for him and he views it as romantic and affectionate. He loves to take care of you and you taking care of him makes his heart swell with love. This man is extremely loving, he won't be too clingy or overbearing, he respects your boundaries. He's simply content with the fact you don't hate or fear him. He does like to sneak up on you though. The little noises that come out of your mouth when you notice his large frame towering over you suddenly is both adorable and hilarious. You are his little rabbit, his mate, his lover, what more can I say?

For more scenarios and characters pls simply comment or send me it privetly as an ask or message.

[bobathirstaccount]

Dream Girl

Boba x fem!reader, smut, angst/fluff

This is actually 100% new writing! Trying to finish a couple other things but stuck on them… 🤪 Thx for the ❤️ on my fix… it makes me happy ppl are reading/enjoying. I see & appreciate you 🤎🤎🤎

TW: unprotected sex, brief cannabis use

word count: 1,470

***

Like who’s here when I need a shoulder to lean on?

I hope you’re here when I need the demons to be gone

Jonah - Ye

***

Boba sighed and looked out the window. He had dreamed of his father leaving again. Normally he would talk with you or Fennec, but both of you were out. He scratched absentmindedly at a dent in Slave 1’s wall, sighing softly. He felt lonely, but that was silly. You were only gone for one night, and would return to him later in the day. Still, now he felt alone. The quietness of the ship added to his despondency. Slouching, he grumbled softly to himself, fast forwarding in his mind to when you would return.

You always came back with a surprise for him. At first it made him uncomfortable, as he was unsure of your intentions. Slowly he began to enjoy it. You didn’t mentioned it directly, but never failed to discreetly leave something on Slave 1’s pilot seat. Boba smiled slightly. Last time it had been a package of rare off-world sweets. There were none left.

Boba enjoyed your quiet affection. He wasn’t quite sure what you wanted from him, but he wanted to give it you. He was waiting for you to ask. You seemed to be building up to something; or maybe it was just his own desire. He chewed the inside of his cheek, wondering.

A proximity alarm sounded. He sat up straight. Standing, he went to a monitor and flipped a switch. In the wide swathe of nothingness that was the desert, a speeder was kicking up sand as it approached rapidly. He looked for a second. Only seeing the solitary interloper, he grabbed his cycler rifle and went to see who it was. He walked down his ship’s ramp, and stood solemnly in the sand as the vehicle became larger. Finally he recognized the rider. Smiling to himself, he looped the rifle around his shoulder and waited for you.

You came to an abrupt stop, still learning how to work a speeder properly. You couldn’t quite get the hang of slowing down for some reason. You hopped off energetically, your speeder packed with supplies. Boba curiously glanced at it, wondering where his surprise was. He resolved to be patient.

“How’s it going at HQ?” You turned to unpack your baggage. Watching you, he offered, “I dreamed of my father again.”

You paused in your work and turned to him, “Oh. How are you feeling?”

He shrugged, feeling suddenly awkward about sharing. You turned towards him, eyes soft, “Will you tell me about it?”

“…Yeah.”

You smiled, “‘Kay, well help me unload and then we can talk.” You turned back to the supplies.

***

Fennec still wasn’t back. You and Boba sat outside, waiting for her. He had told you of his dream.

“Why do you think the dreams are back?” You passed the bottle back to him. He took a swig. “Dunno.”

You side eyed him. He turned his head to you, “…what?”

“You want your treat now?”

He debated playing dumb, but found himself saying, “Up to you.”

You grinned, “‘Kay.” You produced a small box. Passing it to him, you waited. He turned it over in his hands. Pulling it open, he found five perfectly shaped joints. He turned to you, surprised.

“I finally found a good dealer,” you boasted.

Boba snorted softly in amusement and pulled one out of the package. “Haven’t done this in a long time,” he confessed. You handed him a lighter. For a few minutes, the two of you sat in silence, smoking. The suns moved lower in the sky. You broke the stillness as you took the joint from Boba’s hand. “You wanna… uhm…”

Boba turned to you. He was feeling relaxed. “Hmm?”

You tried again, “I, ah…”

He grinned at you, “What? Weed brain? Loth cat got your tongue?” He felt like teasing. He nudged you playfully with an elbow. You smiled despite your nerves. “I, uh, you…?”

He let out a rumbly laugh. You felt yourself getting hot. Finally you leaned into him, pressing yourself against his upper arm. Boba’s mouth dropped open as you kissed his cheek firmly. You kissed your way to his earlobe. Nuzzling into his neck, you asked softly, “You wanna make out?” You wound your arm around his waist and planted a kiss on his throat. He swallowed hard. He tried to not let a moan slip out as your arm tightened around him. “Whatever you want.”

He let you push him back into the sand. He laid there looking up at you. After a breathless moment, you threw a leg over him and straddled him. Boba’s hands instinctively went to your hips. He licked his lips nervously and looked up at you as he slid his hands higher. Entranced, you sat still as his strong fingers traced up your ribs. He snapped you out of it by softly cupping your tits. You murmured, “Whatever I want?”

“Mm,” he responded, watching his hands as they squeezed you. Tentatively, you ground down onto him. He groaned and bucked his hips against you, his hands dropping to the tops of your thighs. Emboldened, you started to grind on him. You pulled your shirt over your head. Boba watched you, stupefied. Pleased, you dropped your shirt to the side and started to adjust your remaining clothing. Boba ground up into you as you removed your tank top. Dropping it to the side, you ran your hands up over your chest and above your head. Grinding on him, you reversed the motion, your hands coming to rest on your tits. You squeezed them a little to titillate him. His cock twitched against you.

Suddenly impatient, you struggled with your pants until you were out of them. Returning to his lap, you rubbed your pussy against his bulge. His hands went to your ass. “Baby, you feel so good,” you were not feeling like stopping. You slid your hands under the waistband of his pants, undoing his belt in the process. His eyes widened as you grabbed him. Pulling him out of his pants, you took the head of his cock and pushed it against your wet entrance. His body tensed under you.

“I wanna put this inside of me,” you rubbed his cock into your folds. His hands tightened on you and he pulled you down onto himself. Your pussy throbbed as his shaft slid into you. You moaned something unintelligible as he thrust up into you. Without warning, he rolled over and pulled you off. You found yourself on your hands and knees, face almost in the sand. Boba grabbed your hips and pulled you back towards him, using a knee to spread your legs. Looking back, you watched as his cock reentered you. He groaned and jerkily fucked into you, making you moan his name. His hands gripped your hipbones as he started to pound into you. “Is this want you want, cyar’ika?” His voice was rough and strained.

“Maker, yes,” you keened, rocking your hips back into him as he fucked you. “Harder,” you commanded. Boba obeyed, cock throbbing with need as it moved in and out of your soaked cunt. Spreading your knees wider, he fucked you to the brink of cumming. Your body was on fire, your heart pounding as Boba rutted into you. Groaning your name, he slid a hand from your hip to your folds. Finding your clit, he rubbed circles over it, “Cum for me, mesh’la.” His hips stuttered as your pussy clenched around his cock. You whimpered, your limbs turning to jelly as he fucked you through you orgasm.

Boba held you up by your hips, not wanting it to end, but also dangerously close to cumming himself. Finally, he had to pull out, grunting as he came. You had turned around, and pushed him backwards into a seated position. Climbing into his lap, you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him on the mouth. Boba’s arms instinctively slid around you as he returned the kiss. You kissed for a moment, until he pulled away. Turning his head slightly, he appeared to be listening. You peered around him into the dusk.

“Fennec!” You jumped up and started to grab at your sandy clothing. Shaking it out, you hastily dressed. She was still a distant figure. You turned to Boba, who was nonchalantly taking a swig of spotchka as he sat in the sand. You plopped down next to him. Without looking at you, he wrapped an arm around you and scooted in close. Resting your head on his shoulder, you sighed gently and let your eyes close.

Boba watched Fennec get larger by the second. He thought about his dream again. It no longer bothered him.

[traumxrei-archive]

aaaaaaaaaa i'm glad i'm not being a bore with my octopus infodump ksldjfkfsjd

azul just struggling during beans day and running around trying to keep up with jack despite the constant threat of flatlining is somewhat, funny sick 😂 the imagery of just, azul looking ragged, panting and wheezing as he tries to break into a sprint, feet dragging and looking like he's about to trip and eat shit at any moment.

jade just carries an aed everywhere with him just in case azul's heart starts going funny...

but also it somewhat, makes me feel bad... if azul's cardiovascular system is that trash he should really follow a modified pe programme... vargas pls... 😔

that being said, i personally would imagine that he will be careful not to push himself too much? since you'd think he'd be able to feel when his heart is about to fail (feeling faint, shortness of breath, etc..)

i'm not fish enlightened so i'm not sure how an octopus would recover from their heart stopping (maybe it just, kickstarts by itself if the octopus ceases activity? i'm not sure... maybe the branchial hearts eventually revives the systemic/main heart? aye...)

though supposedly an octopus can have its main heart stop for over an hour without any negative side effects...

it's sort of, eerie. to imagine azul in pe class or just, going through a busy day. and everything is fine at first glance, but when you take a closer look, you realise he's almost not breathing. and he wouldn't have a pulse...

on another note, in people, your heart stopping completely (flatline aka an asystole) isn't exactly, a situation you would want to be in.

iirc an aed (or defibrillators in hospitals) doesn't shock a stopped heart back to life, in fact it's the opposite: it stops the (irregularly beating) heart so that you can reset it to a normal rhythm. so it's used during cardiac arrest caused by the heart beating out of rhythm/erratically (not stopped completely), like too fast or too slow (among others).

an asystole is generally irreversible in people... so unfortunately jade zapping azul would do little to help...

speaking of jade, i find it fascinating that (some) moray eels have glass (-like) teeth. morays have got to be some of my favourite sea creatures, they're just so goofy looking with their mouth constantly open like :V

(and also, goodness, i'm flattered that you enjoy my silly illustrations 😂 porridge leona has confronted me to the mortifying ordeal of being perceived 😂😂)

(the continuation of this)

IM SO SORRY THIS REPLY TOOK SO LONG FALSE !! i got caught up in the event so ur ask got pushed down im very sorrryyy T^T pls forgive meeee aaaaa

also im so sorry for putting the idea in ur brain *wheeze* but azul just d wording n then getting up again like everything's fine is just. peak comedy to me.

lmao n then jade explaining that he has an aed lisence just for these types of situations– (everyone getting shocked that the dude who beats ppl up carried a thing that helps ppl not die in certain situations–)

alsp yea. vargas probably doesnt understand mer-biology, like he thinks everything translates smoothly bc of the potion even tho they retain some animal characteristics fjfjfjfjjsjs

yea maybe they have a magical explanation as to how azul walks around with a stopped heart, he probably feels it happening and can either get himself to the nurse or since he's been living with it all his life, he probably has a spell for helping regulate his heart shdhdjfj (it's no use to him when he's dog tired like he was in beansfest tho T^T)

OH MY GOD YES. THE GLASS TEETH– i hc that the tweels aren't fully one type of moray, actually they've probably got a mix of creatures in them so them having glass teeth in their mer form...it makes them deadlier bc you gotta watch out for the teeth you can AND can't see (like the pharyngeal jaws. i keep thinking abt their pharyngeal jaws and i can't sleep at night)

also yes morays are so cute i just wanna squish one despite the fact that it'd probably chomp my hand off–

and speaking of their mouths going :V I THINK ABT THE CLEANING SHRIMPS N MORAYS' MUTUALISTIC RELATIONSHIP– it's so cute bc floyd calls us "little shrimpy" so it's kinda like we became his little cleaning shrimp esp if we worked at mostro lounge,,, we keep things clean n he proteccs us from potential danger !!

(ITS OK TO BE PERCIEVED !! kinda scary at first but ppl do b staring n loving ur art <3 (it's me, i'm people) and keep up the good work wooo)

[haitanizzz]

!contains tokyo revengers manga spoilers!

cw: angst, swearing, alcohol mention, slight violence, blood/bruises mention, slight sa? (non-consensual kiss), spelling errors

characters: draken and inui

summary: draken gets drunk and got his ass into a fight. inui picks him up and takes care of him but draken can't seem to move on from emma. inui can't tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction, kinda one-sided love?, draken basically being depressed lol also set in the timeline where they own a bikeshop together

note: i don't ship them but i don't have anything against the ppl who do, i just thought their relationship was a great angst material :) i rushed the end a bit tho cuz i was getting out of ideas lol hope you enjoy!! also big thanks to the people who requested from us and we're a bit slow, but we're working on them don't worry!<3

-L

"hey inui! inui! seishu are you okay?"

draken was having it rough for a few days now, his nightmares about emma coming back to him each night like a curse from the past. inui noticed that his friend was more tense around him or when draken would hesitate to call out to him, but he didn't say anything since he knew that mental health was a touchy subject for his partner because of a certain girl. he was having a hard time ignoring it though as it left a bad taste in his mouth, but he didn't know why. is it because draken is his dear friend or maybe it is because he was in love? ken was so nice to him and he was his friend because he was inui seishu and not somebody else, right? he was so lost in his thoughts he didn't even hear draken call out to him.

"huh?"

"i've called out to you 3 times already! you look like you've been stressing so much lately-"

"oh no, no! im totally fine don't worry about it, i was just daydreaming a little bit!" he said as he let out an awkward laugh.

draken flashed him a gentle smile and patted his back.

"if you say so! but don't hesitate to ask for anything if you're not feeling well, aight?"

"got it boss"

"hey! i told u stop with that!" he playfully scolded inui as both of them began laughing. "anyways i just wanted to ask if you could close the shop today? i'm going out with some friends to drink, so.."

"of course! you can count on me, just give me the keys and you can go!

"thanks inupi! i owe you one!"

it was already dark outside when draken began to pack his things and passed the keys to inui.

"don't forget to close it or i'll beat ya ass if anything is missing tomorrow!"

"yeah yeah, just go already!" inui said as he pushed his friend through the door of their office.

"see you tomorrow seishu! "

he woke up to his ringtone, phone buzzing on the table as he got up and tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes. he didn't even have the energy to look at who was calling him so he just picked it up.

"yeah! see ya!" he sighed and almost slammed the door shut on accident. he was nervous but why? he could feel a pit in his stomach like when something bad is about to happen but he ignored the feeling and chose to dose off for a small nap on the sofa that was in the office.

-

"hello?" he answered the phone with a groggy voice.

"hey inui! sorry to call you this late but i need you to come here!"

"kazutora? it's not often that you call me, what's wrong?" he was dumbfounded that kazutora callled him as they barley even kept contact with each other.

"it's draken."

"what?"

"that idiot got drunk and punched a dude."

"oh god, again? " inui pinched the bridge of his nose not wanting to get up and drive there because he didn't like dealing with drunk people especially when it was ryuguji who got drunk. "im coming don't worry, thanks for giving me a call kazutora.

"thanks inui, we're at the new bar, just 2 streets down. we'll wait for you at the entrance!" kazutora said and immediately hang up.

"i swear that dumbass is going to be my death one day.." inui murmured and grabbed his jacket and the keys to his bike. "thank god it's not that far, just 2 streets down or i wouldn't even go to get his drunk ass."

the engine of his motorbike roared as he stopped in front of a bar, that had neon lights around it. everything was so bright he got a little dizzy and almost had to close his eyes. he spotted kazutora and draken sitting together at a random shop's staircase that was next to the bar. he got up from his bike and began walking towards them and it was when he got closer, that's when he noticed the blood sitting on draken's white shirt and bruises all over his face.

"what the fuck happened?!"

the two of them jumped at inui's voice not expecting him to shout at them.

"sorry to drag you out to get him this late, i could've bring him home myself but chifuyu and the others are still in there and im kinda worried what would they do when there's nobody to look out for them." kazutora said as he slightly bowed his head as an apology.

"don't worry about it man, don't apologize." inui gave kazutora a slight smile as he took draken's arm around his shoulder to make sure he wouldn't fall. "i'll be taking him home now..thanks for looking out for him."

"it's nothing. have a safe drive and call me if something is up!"

"yeah will do!" inui said as he began walking back to his bike with now draken slumped over him. it was very strange that draken wasn't talking at all, he was usually very loud.

"im not a kid you know? i can take care of myself inupi."

"oh so you now know how to talk? and it didn't seem like you were doing so good, so just shut up and let me drive you home!"

draken let out a laugh as he sat on the back of the motorcycle and grabbed the spare helmet.

"aight, aight! just don't be so loud, my head is killing me.."

"i wonder why?" inui scoffed as he sat on the front. "just make sure you don't fall off or you'll have to go to the hospital by yourself."

the drive to draken's apartment was quiet. none of them talked, the only thing that was making noise was the motorbike and those few cars that passed them. they were almost there when inui felt arms wrap around his waist and felt some weight on his left shoulder and he tensed under draken's touch, his heart hammering in his chest.

"i swear to god if you puke on me-"

"are you mad?" draken's voice was soft, almost like when a child got caught stealing candies.

inui didn't answer not knowing what to say to a question like that so he just kept quiet.

they soon arrived to draken's apartment complex and inui parked his bike.

none of them said a word and seishu helped his friend up the stairs, then to his door. keys jingled as draken searched his pockets and struggled to fit the key to his door inside the keyhole. inui gently pushed him away and opened the door and draken almost immediately went and crashed on the couch. seishu shaked his head and closed the door behind him, took off his shoes then followed draken to his livingroom.

"come on man, we need to get you patched up and change! i promise you can sleep all you want after we're done." draken just groaned and put his head on inui's shoulder s a sign to help him to his bedroom.

"i think the booze is really starting to get to me.." draken said as his words were slightly slurred from the alcohol he had consumed. inui helped him up and staring walking towards draken's room and sat him down onto the bed and turned on the lights. draken hissed at the sudden brightness and inui just let out a chuckle then went to the bathroom to get the first-aid kit. he came back with the box and sat next to draken and grabbed his chin.

"come on this gonna hurt a bit, but i'll be as careful and quick as i can so bear with it 'kay?" the tatted male just hummed as an answer and inui took it as a sign to start cleaning his bruises. he started dabbing under his eye first, then right under his jaw with careful movements. draken didn't seem to be giving any reaction so he just continued until his eyes sat on his slightly busted lip. seishu looked away for a moment then went to dab the sanitizer on his lip when draken took a hold of his wrist and he dopped the cottonball he was holding.

"what's wro-" seishu's words were cut off when draken kissed him. inui's whole body froze as memories from his high school years started to pry at his mind and tears filled his eyes. he didn't know what to do. was it the right thing that he just sat there without doing anything but his hands shaking? he will never know the answer to that. he only came back to reality when draken pulled away and smiled at him with red dusting his cheeks, inui didn't know if it was from the alcohol or because draken was embarrassed.

"i love you..emma." draken whispered against inui's neck and passed out. seishu couldn't process what was happening and his chest started to hurt. he quickly pushed draken off of him (who surprisingly didn't even budge) and stood up with wide eyes, tears threatening to spill out of them. he didn't even bother to pack the first aid kit as he was almost running to the door. he slammed the shop's keys on draken's kitchen island and left.

-

the next morning draken woke up with a headache.

"..what happened?" he said as he looked through his room, the first-aid kit on the floor. he tried to remember what happened last night as he went to get dressed for work.

he was confused when inui didn't came to work that day.

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

watched s11ep1

i will provide you with a quick review before i disappear back into the ether of twd avoidance

lots of spoilers under the cut. also i wrote way too much and i worked all night and haven’t slept so i didn’t bother to reread literally any of it, so it might be completely nonsensical, tho if you don’t expect that from me by this point idk whose blog you’ve been reading

enjoy:

hokay, first off, i’ll start by saying that i enjoyed it more than i expected to. i’ve been avoiding any sort of discussion about stuff, but my google algorithm is so fucked at this point that i still get recommended articles and stuff every now and then, so i was already pretty aware of what i was walking into, and was expecting it to be eh, but actually i prob enjoyed it more than i enjoyed the finale

(don’t get too excited tho, the finale was rly boring lmfao)

anyway

episode starts off with a tense scouting mission

it takes .005 seconds into the episode for caryl to exchange a look of longing, establishing that they are still having weird conflict and are both too fucking stubborn to do anything about it even tho they hate it desperately

i imagine that will continue for a while

rosita, kelly, carol, maggie, what’s her face with the bad hair, and lydia (i think that’s everyone?) lower down to some army bunker or something, where a bunch of walkers are taking a snooze, and the girls are very respectful of walker naptime, and do their best not to wake them up

obviously they eventually wake up, but i’ll get to that in a sec

as they’re tiptoeing through the walker tulips, there’s this split second where carol spots a machine gun, and looks at maggie with a face like, “can i plzzzz, i am mad horny for that machine gun,” but maggie tells her no. (i 110% expected her to defy orders and accidentally wake up all the walkers, but she actually behaved herself for once. well. mostly)

never fear, tho, after the girl gang collects a bunch of MREs they go back to wait for the dudes waiting up top to pull them up, and bc men ruin everything, one of the ropes break, and daryl catches it before it falls, but then a slow motion drop of blood falls on a walker’s face, and just like that, walker naptime is over, and carol uses her bow and arrow for two seconds before she is like “fuck this” and whips out the machine gun

yes, she is super hot using it

yes, daryl watches her do it

anyway, all the other girls get rescued, and carol is about to be pulled up, but bc she is a #girlboss, she first makes a beeline for one more crate full of MREs. daryl covers her while she gets the loot, and when she gets back up top they have another charged moment as carol hands him back his knife

just fuck already, jfc

titles!

cut to alexandria where everything is still not smilestimes

BUT, we do get to see uncle daryl run and hug rj and judith (and dog), and FUCKING HERSHEL JR, LIGHT OF MY LIFE is also there

istg, they could not have casted a better child, i a d o r e him

oh, and some friends of maggie’s show up too, idk

cut to a staff meeting where everyone is like, whomp whomp, we’re all gonna starve to death unless we figure out something quick

cue maggie going, “oh, i know where food is, but it requires me to tell you my tragic backstory, in case anyone didn’t watch my bottle episode”

she tells her dramatic backstory about all her friends getting slaughtered by the reapers for no apparent reason, and then she’s like “anyway, let’s go back there!”

no one thinks it’s a great idea, but a group of people decide to go anyway, including daryl and gabriel. rosita is super pissed that gabriel is going, and carol doesn’t go, probably partly bc it’s a shitty fucking idea, and also bc they have to keep caryl apart bc otherwise they’ll fix their problems ahead of schedule and they won’t be able to drag out the needless angst

daryl looks kind of annoyed that carol doesn’t volunteer to go 

bitch, i thought you wanted her to stop putting herself in the line of fire! make up your damn mind!

moving on

cut to a thunderstorm, where, if you look closely, you’ll notice daryl is wearing the STUPIDEST hat i’ve ever seen. just get an umbrella, jfc

for some reason negan is with them, bc ig he knows his way around washington dc, and no one in six years has bothered to figure out how to get around the city and/or get a map, and he is like “hey guys, maybe we shouldn’t try to walk in this fucking hurricane,” and everyone is like “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” 

this will be a common occurrence 

but eventually daryl is even like “actually, it’s rly unpleasant out here, and my hat is mad stupid, can we go inside plz?”

so they go inside an old metro station, which is actually a rly cool cinematic choice. i rly like the idea, and they executed it rly well

speaking of executions

there are some fucking RULL CREEPY walkers. idk why they bothered me so badly, but they were what they at first assumed were corpses wrapped up in tarps, but turns out none of them had been properly put down, so they go through killing these rotted bodies that had supposedly been there since The Fall, and it’s very gross and cool

this entire time, btw, negan is like “hey, i know i’m a shitty person, but i have some rational arguments about why we shouldn’t be doing this right now,” and everyone is like, “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” and he’s just like “god fucking damnit”

(i forgot to mention that at one point, when they’re headed into the metro station, negan is trying to warn ppl of the potential danger, and everyone is ignoring him, and he tries to talk to daryl, and daryl is like “fuck you, you think we’re BUDDIES?” and negan is like “oh, ok, so you’re gonna be like that too? fanfreakingtastic” and it’s very funny)

anyway. a fat monster zombie escapes its tarp at one point, and tries to eat some npc, and negan saves him, again is like “hey, anyone else realize that this is a FUCKING BAD PLAN?”, and everyone is like “we don’t care, you’re still shitty and we’re not listening to you, and you don’t actually care about random npc i would literally not be able to pick out in a lineup bc his face is so generic, you’re not the boss of us!!!”

it’s at this point that negan finally is like, “why am i even here? bc i know how to get around washington dc? do none of you have a map?” and i was like, “right?! that’s what i said!” 

it’s then revealed that maggie only brought negan along to murder him under the guise of “oops, he got hurt in the line of duty, it wasn’t my fault,” and daryl has this look on his face that says, “i seriously need to stop hanging out with lethal women bent on revenge bc it’s gonna give me high blood pressure,” and maggie has a badass moment where she points a gun she has for some reason at negan and is like “i have like, one shred of human compassion left inside of me, and if you keep pushing me i will fucking kill you without a second thought, so shut the hell up”

(in her defense, negan had just dropped glenn’s name to purposely antagonize her, which was rude as hell)

(for the record, i’m completely on maggie’s side here, but negan still is right that trapping themselves in a metro station is a bad call)

anyway, moving away from that briefly

i think this jump cut happens sooner, i don’t actually remember, but whatever who cares, point is, we get to the part of the show that actually matters, and that’s anything involving my love, juanita “princess” sanchez

and also eugene, yumiko, and ezekiel

they are being asked increasingly invasive questions by commonwealth ppl, some of which i wish they actually would of answered (what do they use to wipe their asses with?? surely toilet paper has long since become extinct)

zeke, who is so much more tolerable as a character now that he’s not larping as a king, has this incredibly weird and sort of sexually charged moment with a dude in an orange stormtrooper costume, where he’s like, “i bet you were an asshole cop back before The Fall, you stupid fascist, #fuckthepolice, mb literally? idk, this moment has a lot of pent up aggression that could easily translate to hate sex, it might just be the intense eye contact, but w/e, let’s just move along,” and then he has a coughing fit to remind the audience that he’s currently dying of cancer, and orange stormtrooper is like “lolz, loser, drink some water you dumb piece of shit”

cut to the wholesome foursome sitting at a picnic table in a guarded courtyard eating gruel, and yumkio, who finally has a personality, and princess are like “hey, this place fucking sucks, can we leave?” and zeke is like, “yeah, i met this orange stormtrooper who i think might be dtf and/or murder, so we should probably bounce”

but eugene is like, “but i want some hot stephanie ass, and also some bullshit excuse about how mb commonewealth will save alexandria” which, they left before things went super downhill, right? idr. it was after hilltop fell, but they don’t know alexandria got fucked either, if i recall? w/e, not important

two seconds after he says this, they talk to some people who are like “we’ve been here for four months, or maybe it’s been nine, i don’t actually remember, i’ve stopped processing the passage of time,” and the wholesome foursome takes this as a bad sign, tho that’s just the life i’ve lived as a night worker during a pandemic, so i was like #mood

but then they watch some guy get dragged away screaming to get “reprocessed” and eugene is like “ok, nvm, let’s bounce”

(my theory on what “reprocessing” is, is that they’re stuck in a room and have to watch hours and hours of customer service training videos on vhs from the 90s)

i definitely got my jump cut scenes mixed up bc i think the negan accusing maggie of a murder plot thing happened in between this scene and then the next commonwealth scene, but w/e, i’ll just finish what happens in the commonwealth arch

the wholesome foursome are trying to hatch a plan to escape, except princess, my love, is distracted watching some stormtroopers flirt, and the other three are like “wtf, dude, how can you even tell any of them apart?” and princess then tells them every stormtroopers backstory bc she is brilliant and pays rly close attention to shit, and the other three are like, “this is useful information, thank you for being an insane person”

their plan involves yumiko and eugene dressing up as stormtroopers and leading princess and zeke out of the place, which works fine actually, except on their way out they come across the Depressing Wall of Probably Mostly Dead Missing Loved Ones

they’re about to leave, when princess is like, “wait, yumiko, you’re on here, that’s weird huh?”

sure enough, yumiko  is on the wall, with a note from ig her sister 

the scene ends with yumiko going, “guys...i can’t leave...i have tragic backstory to unveil”

tragic backstory to be continued ig

back in murder metro town, npc and some other npc have stolen all the supplies, there’s a train blocking the track, and a horde of walkers are coming towards them, so things are not going fantastic

they horde is too big to take down, so they start to climb on top of the train car to get away

but dog runs away!

and daryl, being every pet owner ever, is like “gotta go get my dog, guys, try not to get killed while i’m gone, c u soon!” and he ducks under the train and disappears

#priorities

the episode ends with maggie climbing up the train car but getting grabbed by a walker and dangling off the edge, and negan is there and they have a lion king moment where maggie is like, “scar! help me!” and negan is like “long live the king, bitch” and walks away into the shadows, leaving maggie to a potential death

which, while i know isn’t actually going to happen, would be a really fucking funny move on the writers’ part

like, “look, lauren’s back! and now she’s dead, bet you didn’t expect that!”

anyway

my assumption is negan will actually end up helping her up or something, continuing his ambiguous morality bullshit that actually isn’t ambiguous bc he BEAT GLENN TO DEATH WITH A FUCKING BAT WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE IN FRONT OF HIS PREGNANT WIFE

the maggie/negan arch is kind of dumb, but whatevs, i’ll tolerate it, as long as my boy glenn gets justice in the end

anyway, cue credits!

final assessment: good episode. i’m much more interested in commonwealth than the reapers, tho i am hoping that daryl’s personality-less ex turns out to be a monster killing machine with no conscience, that’ll be fun. princess is a gift from god. hershel jr needs his own tv show. needs more carol (and caryl)

the end! going back into my walking dead free chamber! see you next episode!

-diz

[ri-ahhh]

Can we have some sexy time with gray that stars out rough but ends up soft and cute🥺

I’m gonna make it a continuation of this concept bc low key it’s one of my faves and yk.. why not.

Also I was gonna try to finish this on my laptop so I could put the keep reading break so I don’t clog ppls dashes but tumblr never fucking works on there and I couldn’t do it :/ sorry

A/N: hi hello just finished writing this and it turned out to be garbage but I wanted to post something for the ppl asking. If you are one of those ppl I’m sorry for this haha truly it was just the best I could do for now.

***

For the first half of the ride home, Grayson’s hand doesn’t leave your thigh. You can feel the tension still brewing in him in the way his calloused fingers grip the soft, bare skin; in the heavy sighs he releases every few minutes and the sudden revs of the engine as he speeds down the highway.

His lingering frustrations at the situation that happened in the mall make you smile softly, and you interlace your fingers with the ones stroking your thigh. Eyes big and sympathetic, you bring the back of his hand to your lips. “Baby, relax,” your murmur against his skin quietly. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”

Grayson shakes his head and glances at you as he pulls your joined hands into his lap. “I fuckin hate guys like that. Can’t believe he put his hands on you.”

“He touched you?” Ethan piped up from the backseat, voice incredulous. “Oh, fuck that. If that has been K...”

The short remainder of the car ride was filled with the twins loud, enthusiastic rants about douchebag chauvinistic men who have no respect for women. It warms your heart, makes your chest fill with pride at the thought of how good your man really is. You squeeze his hand and stroke his arm gently, dragging your nails up and down the veins popping out from the stress and anger he’s both somehow releasing, but also still carrying.

The three of you make it home, and Ethan is immediately hopping out of the car with his shopping bags, eager to see his girlfriend and show her what he had bought her while she had been out with friends. Grayson’s jaw is clenched as the two of you follow his brother inside, and you make your way immediately to his room; you think you know exactly what he needs to get rid of that last bit of well-intended machismo energy he’s got in him.

Sure enough, Grayson shuts the door behind him with a little more force than he really intended, tosses all the shopping bags he had carried in for you to the ground, and wraps those strong arms around your waist in all of two seconds of the door being locked. You giggle and let him hoist you up, wrapping your legs around his waist and cupping his stubbled cheeks in your hands gently to bring your lips together.

He walks the two of you to his bed and lays you down as gently as he can while you’re still clinging to him, mouths never separating as he captures your lips over and over again in hot, relentless kisses. When your back hits the mattress, you moan softly and hitch your leg higher up his side, his hand sliding to your ass and grabbing a handful of it through your shorts.

“I need you,” he says gruffly between kisses, panting heavily. He squeezes your cheek again, and uses his grip to haul your hips closer to his while simultaneously lowering some of his weight onto you. You can feel the hard ridge of him against your center, and it makes you gasp. “Can I, please?”

“Yeah, baby,” you agree easily, almost as desperate for Grayson now as he is for you. He’s sexy and kind and good and you love him, and you imagine the scenario of some girl running her hands on those thick arms you love so much, or the swell of his abs over his shirt, and you realize the healthy possessiveness very much runs both ways. Your blood runs hot, and you slip your hands under his shirt to feel the rippling planes of his back. “Want you so bad.”

He growls, deep and primal, and you bite your lip as he sits up and whips his shirt over his head by the collar. It gets tossed blindly to the corner of his room, and you’re instantly reaching out to run your hands over all those muscles covered by soft, tan skin.

Grayson sighs and lets you indulge for a few moments, his lips quirking up at the corners for a quick second and ruining that sexy scowl as he watches you admire him.

“Fuck,” he mumbles. His big, warm hands cup your hips, and he shuffles down some as he slides your oversized shirt up so your stomach becomes exposed for him — supple skin that’s just begging to be kissed.

So he does. His lips are soft and a little wet from the kisses you had shared just a minute ago, but they’re hot and insistent as he makes his way up your torso. Goosebumps flare in their wake, and you shudder beneath his smirk. Grayson pushes your shirt up further, just beneath your bra now, fingers shifting grips from the dips of your waist to the ridges of your rib cage now.

You don’t need words to know what he wants, so you lift your arms overhead the second he bunches the shirt up past your tits. His tongue drags over your sternum once it’s thrown across the room, then he’s swiping it over the buds of your nipples peaking through the sheer mesh of your bra.

Your back arches up into him with a gasp, fingers delving into his thick hair as he grunts and tugs the cups of your bra aside to free your tits for him. Your nipples tighten even more, damp from his tongue and now completely exposed to the cool air of his room — not to mention, the way he’s looking at you right now has every nerve ending in your body excited.

His pretty hazel irises, usually so soft and comforting, are consumed now by the dark of his pupils, despite the warm sunlight shining through the window. Those smoldering eyes stay locked on yours as he ducks his head to suck your left nipple into his hot, wet mouth, his hand kneading your other breast roughly.

“Love your tits,” he huffs against you after a minute of making you writhe beneath him. His tongue trails to the center of your chest, and he nuzzles your cleavage, breathing in the sweet smell of your skin. His stubble scratches against the plush, delicate flesh there, but it’s a mere second before he’s switching breasts to give each the opposite treatment.

You lose his eyes when he shuts them to really absorbe the touch and taste of you, but you don’t mind when he smells so good and feels so familiar and uses those lips and tongue and fingers so fucking good. You whimper and clutch him even closer to you than he already is, perfectly content to have him suck at your tits for as long as he pleases. The feel of him big and heavy and warm on top of you is as relaxing as it is arousing, being so consumed by the sensations of him up top while his erection fits snugly against your pussy.

“Grayson,” you whisper desperately. He looks up at you, and you’re taken by the softness behind the desire in his gaze. He follows the tug on his hair you give to drag him up for a kiss, and you both sigh happily into one another’s mouths when they reconnect. It goes without saying that you could kiss this man forever.

You tighten your legs around his waist and and urge him to rock his hips into yours. Grayson obliges readily, a quiet grunt escaping his lips as he starts grinding into you. His hand returns to your ass, holding you against him for the perfect leverage while he sucks on your tongue and tries to find the right angle to put just the right pressure on your clit.

It’s like any moment of softness and slowness gives him time to remember what got the two of you here this afternoon in the first place, and the ravenous energy from before picks right back up. You’re definitely not complaining by the ebb and flow of everything; it only heightens your own desperation for him, to know he cares so much and wants you to the point of making you cum just from some heavy dry humping.

As if he can read your mind (or maybe you his), Grayson pulls away from the kiss and drags his free hand up your thigh, squeezes your waist, and punches your nipple on his way to grip your cheeks gently but firmly in those strong, calloused fingers. He makes sure you’re looking him dead in the eye again when he tells you in a deep, rumbly voice, “Wanna make you cum in these fucking shorts. Can you cum for me, baby?”

You nod as best you can in his grasp, shifting your head enough to slip his pointer finger into your mouth. You watch him watch you suck it, his hips pressing harder into yours as the pleasure and overall arousal turns up for both of you. His cheeks are flushed and his chain dangles between you, glinting in the sun and reflecting bright spots on the tan skin of his pecs.

A moan escapes you, vibrating around his finger before you add the middle one for a few moments, too. You let him push them down your tongue until the tips touch the back of your throat, and you pull them out with a slight gag and a seductive smile.

“Make me cum,” you murmur hotly, guiding his hand between your bodies and slipping it past your waistband — leaving the shorts with that little logo on the leg on, just as he requested. “I’m so close already, Gray. Please.”

Grayson moans himself and shifts his weight so you’re flat on your back and he’s hovering over you with a hand planted next to your pillow. He touches your pussy for the first time this whole afternoon just as you arch your back to reach beneath you and unhook your bra.

You fling the useless garment across the room and grab immediately onto his forearm by your head, the other clutching the sheets in attempts to ground yourself from the sudden surge in pleasure emanating from your clit. Grayson circles it a couple of times before sliding one, then two, fingers to the hilt.

“Jesus, you’re so fucking wet, baby,” he groans. You can only nod and moan, then cry out his name when he curls his fingers just right and finds your spot, like he knew right where to look and wanted to waste no time getting to it. He latches onto your neck, sucking a bruise into your pulse point while he builds that wave inside you. His fingers don’t pump in and out, but stay hooked on that spot that’s making you moan and whine, using his wrist to vary the pressure on it until you’re absolutely losing it, exploding on his hand with broken whimpers of his name.

You’re still high in the sky when he sucks his fingers in his mouth with an appreciative moan and tugs off your shorts finally, then his own, before crawling back on top of you. Naked together and still riding the lingering aftermath of that orgasm, you hum contentedly and accept the hot, desperate kiss he pulls you into.

“Wanna fuck you. Need to fuck you,” he mumbles against your lips, already reaching between you to rub the tip of his dick up and down your soaking wet folds. Even though you’re still sensitive and satisfied, almost nothing can bring you back to a stare of pure arousal like when he teases your hole like that — so close but not enough. It awakens this primal, incessant feeling of absolutely needing to be filled up, and you can’t wait anymore.

You thread your fingers through the back of his hair and arch your hips to encourage him to slip inside, which he finally does with a guttural groan.

“Fuckin give it to me, Gray,” you say once he has a steady rhythm built up. It’s not enough for either of you today, though, and you both know it. You need closer, hotter, harder, more.

Grayson looks wild, his hair sticking up in all directions from your wandering hands, eyes dark but bright, a thin sheen of sweat illuminating ever ridge and valley of muscles on his torso. He doesn’t give you much more time to look, however, as he hooks your knees over his elbows and leans down over your body.

You wrap your arms around his shoulders and he tucks his face against your own as he starts pounding, his balls slapping against you ass with every hard thrust. The angle is catching you just right and the sharp, pleasurable pain of his teeth sinking into your collarbone only brings everything to a new level. His quiet but audible grunts and moans float right to your ear, the best sounds in the world as he delivers exactly what you asked for.

“I’m gonna cum,” you whine, digging your nails into the sinews of his back. Grayson keeps driving into you with renewed purpose, absolutely set on getting you there again with nothing more than his cock.

“Yes, baby, please,” he begs, groaning loudly when he feels you start to clamp down on him. “That’s it... all over my dick... pussy feels so goddamn good.”

You should be sleepy and beyond satisfied at this point, but his heated words make you want to absolutely ravage him. With that, there’s the glow only a couple of amazing orgasms from the man you love can make you feel that fills your chest. So when you’re able to voluntarily move your limbs again, you push back on his chest so he has to stop sucking sweet little kisses into the collumn of your neck. He looks at you a little confused, but you just smile gently and keep putting pressure against him until he ends up on his back.

You settle between his tattooed legs and admire the way his dick lies flat against that solid tummy of his, glistening with your juices. Your mouth waters at the sight, and you take him in your hand to guide his throbbing length between your kiss-swollen lips.

You suck your cum off his skin, humming in satisfaction while you watch him lay back with one hand behind his head and the other petting your hair gently.

“Love your dick,” you say before sucking the leaking tip into your mouth. “Only want yours, baby. Just made me cum so hard...” you trail off with a wanton moan, then get to work sucking him off for real. His eyes fall shut and his fingers work deeper into the loose strands of your hair for a firmer grip. You roll his balls in your palm, pulling out all the tricks you know he loves to get him there as well as he did for you. “Mine.”

He guides you deeper with the hand on your head, never pushing more than he know you’re willing to take; he loves the tangible feeling of that sweet mouth sucking him off, taking him as far down your throat as you can. You make it sloppy for him, letting all the drool and saliva coat his shaft until it’s dripping down his balls. You lift off him with a gasp and massage the slick into his skin before ducking down and sucking them one at a time into your mouth for a tongue bath while you jerk his dick off above you.

You can hear the hitch in his breath, see the short heaves of his chest when you follow the pressure he pulls on your hair in silent request to get you to suck him again. All signs point to him being about to bust, but you want more than his cum in your mouth.

You hurry to mount him, smiling when you catch his look of surprise. He moans as you sink down on him, and you pick up his hands to interlace your fingers for intimacy and leverage.

“Cum inside me,” you tell him, bouncing on him so your tits jiggle for him.

Grayson watches as long as he can, holding out until his eyes roll back and his fingers dig into the backs of your hands as he fills you up with deep, drawn-out moans. You grin in satisfaction, happily obliging him when he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you down so your chests are flush together.

You hum as he comes down and pepper kisses across his jaw, his nose, his closed eyes. Any bit of that handsome face you love so much that you can reach with your lips gets a sweet peck. Grayson sighs and lets you keep going until he’s gripping your hips and lifting you off his softening cock.

“Sorry if I got too caveman,” he mumbles tiredly after a few moments. “I just love you.”

You shake your head and bury your grin into his neck. “No need to apologize. Actually, I can’t wait to go back to that store with you. I still want those leggings.”

“Fuck off.”

[keroseneinhalers]

would these mlp characters respect your neoprounouns? (i know them personally this is all a fact. fight with the wall.)

pinkie pie - she doesnt know what neos are and if you explained them she still wouldnt get it. shes not stupid, but she doesnt want to put time into learning, so get over it. shes not going to misgender you on purpose, but she'll probably use "they" instead. would she use neopronouns? no.

applejack - you tell her what neos are and she doesnt understand but tries her hardest. she gets it wrong sometimes but she is trying, appreciate that. would she use neos? nah, they confuse her.

fluttershy - she knows what neos are because the kids at the magic school told her and she respects them and uses them as much as she can. she may not always have the best grasp on them nor remember a bunch of different sets for one person, but she is doing her best. would she use neos? maybe!

twilight sparkle - neopronouns are super new to her, she laughs at them before you tell her they are real (and valid) and she goes oh! sorry! and educates herself. she thinks in the back of her mind it doesnt really make much sense grammar-wise, because shes just like that, but she does respect them and uses them on those who use neos! would she use neos? no way.

rarity - she hears abt them and fully denounces them. no if ands or buts. not even if sweetie used them. she'd make fun of them for a solid hour before one of the other mane 6 tell her thats kinda not cool and she should dial it back and at least try to be respectful. she does, but only when her friends are there to check her. would she use neos? no goddamn way.

rainbow dash - she thinks neos are actually kinda cool after learning about them. she definitely goes to twilight for help on educating her but ofc twilight doesnt have all the answers, so she just takes it slow and makes sure to use neos on those who use them as much as she can in order to make them feel as cool as their pronouns sound. would she use neos? honestly, probably yeah. she'd be down for any rainbow or speed or boom related neos. though ig rainbow neos would just be her name.

scootaloo - she doesnt get it but she'll respect it, she wouldnt want someone else to feel upset bc of ppl not being accepting of who they are. shes a disabled victim of bullying, she's not going to be some edgelord saying neos arent valid or whatever. would she use them? probably not, unless she saw rd started using them and she'd use the same ones bc #sisterschamp

applebloom - she rlly dont gaf tbh. you wanna be called "kitself"? ok! thats your choice, and she'll respect it. she grew up respectful, theres no way she would get away with misgendering someone just bc their pronouns are unconventional. would she use neos? nah bc she rlly just dont care. theyre just words to her.

sweetie belle - shes sooooo fucking annoying with it. shes like ... performative ally annoying. she'd use a bunch of different ones in one fucking sentence like GIRL WHO IS ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THAT... good that shes respectful but gahdamn put some back!!!! would she use neos? no shes holding onto that she/her for dear life (i hc her as a trans girl btw)

[marveloussupernerd]

Take care of him - Jumin Han

Warnings: angst, death, NOT a happy ending

Summary: you and Jumin were living a happy life with your baby girl, until an accident happened that put your life on the line

Hi! I wanted to put it out there that this is a heavy topic. I lost my mom when I was still a toddler and so I don’t have any memories of her. So this is quite an emotional thing for me to write but I hope y’all angst ppl enjoy

“Jumin,” you called, poking your head in the door of his home office. You had your daughter on your hip; she was only ten months old but was the light of you and your husband’s life. “When do you think you’ll be done?” You tried to convince him to take a year off for the baby; he couldn’t do that of course. It was selfish to think so. But you didn’t want him to miss a moment of the baby’s first year.

He looked up at you and the baby, a bright smile on his face. “I’ll try and get done soon,” his face fell a little, “but it still might be an hour or so.”

You walked over to him, bending down to kiss his cheek. “Okay!” You directed your attention to the baby. “You say okay dada? Da-da?” You were working on her saying her first words.

She just gurbled a little. Jumin chuckled and leaned in to kiss her. “I’ll be out as soon as possible,” he told you. You went back out to play for a little before she would get tired.

She was fond of the plastic key rings. She liked the sound it made when she shook it. And teething with it, of course. Her second favorite toy was probably her lamby stuffed animal. Or Elizabeth the 3rd, although you weren’t sure if she counted as a toy. It was nice to get her used to the cat, who walked over to sniff her and usually got pulled about by the baby. She dealt with it for her. She even would come over when the baby cried. Elizabeth really was a good cat.

You kept your eye on her as you walked over to fill Elizabeth’s dish for food. And then it happened. “Ma-ma?” She called.

You nearly passed out. You rushed over to her. “Jumin!” You called, hoping he wasn’t in a meeting. You swung her into your arms. “Hi Baby! Did you say Mama? Ma-ma?” You tickled her tummy, making her laugh.

Then you took her to her father. You didn’t even bother knocking this time around. “Guess what!?” You asked excitedly. He turned his chair to focus his attention on you. His eyes were tired but he was still smiling; he always was for the two of you. “She said her first words. You tell Daddy what you said? Mama? Ma-ma? Ma-ma?”

“Mama!” She squealed. Jumin’s face lit up. She giggled and burbled and squirmed. She was so proud of herself.

“Wow! Your first words!” Jumin said excitedly. He stood up from his seat. “This is wonderful!”

“Isn’t it so exciting!?” You were walking on air.

The phone rang. Jumin sighed. “I can get it. You spend some time with her,” you offered, handing her over to her father. He let out a sigh of relief and took her, bouncing her slightly as you went to get the phone.

Press. How did they get your home phone number? You rolled your eyes and hung up, making your way back over to your happy family.

She was crying. Jumin was rocking her, singing softly. He’d never let anyone on the planet hear him sing, spare the two of you. He heard your footsteps and glanced at you. “I feel like she always cries when I hold her.” He sounded slightly frustrated, slightly broken-hearted. “How about I take next week off so we can all spend more time together?”

“That sounds perfect.” You wrapped your arms around his back, nuzzling into his shoulder. Your eyes caught the clock. So that’s why she was crying. “She’s just hungry. Let me go feed her, then she’ll be all happy again.” Jumin passed her off to your arms and she continued crying, clearly ready to eat. Once you got her latched on she was finally quiet.

The next day you weren’t feeling well. Same for the day after. It was probably a million things: feeding the baby, lack of sleep, stress, change in diet from after the baby was born. The doctor had to call in some medicine for you.

You shrugged on a jacket, glancing over at your baby all decked out in a pastel pink winter coat. You knocked on Jumin’s door. “Jumin?” You opened it slightly. “I’m going to the pharmacy to get my medicine. Do you wanna come with us?”

He ran a hand through his hair. He looked exhausted. “I can just send someone to do that for you, Love.”

You couldn’t meet his eye. “I’m... embarrassed about it,” you pouted. “That my whole body is out of wack. I don’t want anyone picking it up. Feels too personal.”

“I wish I could go, but I have a meeting in a few minutes,” he frowned, “Can I have a kiss before you go?”

You laughed, walking over to him to peck him on the lips. “Always,” you whispered. “Love you. Say bye-bye Dada,” you told your baby. She fell silent.

“She’ll get it soon,” Jumin encouraged. You nodded, then headed out.

You strapped her in the car seat and began the drive to the pharmacy. “Dada. Da-da. Can you say dada for me baby?” You encouraged her throughout the drive. What a surprise it’d be to Jumin when she finally got it! You’d just have to keep pushing it.

The car shouldn’t have been there. It shouldn’t have run the red light. It shouldn’t have hit the driver’s seat, sending the car spinning, slamming your front side into a building.

But it was. And it did.

Why were you calling him so soon? Maybe you forgot something at home. Jumin muted himself from the conference call and picked up. “Hi Honey,” he greeted, “I’m still in a meet-“

“Sir? Is this Jumin Han?” That wasn’t his wife’s voice. His heart dropped. His mouth was dry.

“Yes it is.”

Silence. For too long. Every second felt like an hour.

“Your wife has gotten into an accident. Her and the baby are still breathing, but she’s in and out of consciousness. We’re taking them to the hospital. Do you give permission for them to be operated on if necessary?”

And for once, he had no words.

Words used to fly freely from his mouth. Compliments came naturally to him. He always knew what to say. He was raised from birth on how to speak and articulate everything flawlessly. But now he couldn’t speak.

“Sir?”

“Yes. Yes, of course.” What was once slow-motion was finally back to real-time, which felt like a million miles an hour compared to how it was. “What hospital?”

“Saint Joe’s.”

“On my way.”

He hung up the phone. Unmuted himself. “I have a family emergency. We can continue this later.” Didnt wait for a response. Left the call. Forgot a coat. Couldn’t wait for Driver Kim. Drove himself to a hospital. You were a good driver. He was a bad driver. He cursed the world that he made it to the hospital safely. Why did you get in an accident but he didn’t? You were the careful one. Why didn’t you call Driver Kim? He was angry at the world.

You were in surgery when he arrived. They were running tests on his daughter. She appeared pretty unscathed. You had put her on the passenger’s side; a move that saved her life. She never would have survived if she had been on the other side of the car.

She was okay. They gave her to him. She was in his arms. She was okay.

You had gotten out of surgery. They had to monitor you to see if it was successful, but you were out and coming to consciousness.

“...Jumin?” You whimpered, opening your eyes. Your body felt like it was on fire. But he was there, holding your baby. The baby was okay. “Am I dreaming?” You choked out. Were you both really okay?

A tear fell down his cheek. He walked over to you. “You’re not dreaming. She’s okay. And you’re here. You’re here with me. You’re okay,” he whispered. He was afraid if he spoke aloud his voice would crack.

“Oh.” You sighed. “Good.”

And then the waterworks hit. You were crying. “I didn’t mean to. I endangered us. The car came out of nowhere Jumin. I didn’t know what to do! Is the other person okay too?”

He hadn’t even thought to ask. He’d find out later. That wasn’t the main concern. Right now, he was here with you and with the baby, and that was all that mattered.

“They’re keeping you tonight to make sure the surgery was successful,” he stated simply. He couldn’t even listen to his own words. He had been so frightened. But you made it. Of course it was successful. You were breathing and crying and smiling in front of him.

“Take her home.”

He frowned harshly. “I can’t leave you here.”

You frowned right back at him. “She’s going to be hungry soon. She needs you with her. Don’t make her stay with someone unfamiliar, or stay somewhere as strange as this after all she’s been through.”

He sighed. “You’re right.”

“I know I am.”

He kissed your forehead. He took her hand and made her wave. They left.

Your body was on fire. A constant pain. A constant ache that couldn’t go away, no matter how much morphine they gave you.

The next morning Jumin was back. His hair was wet. He had showered. She was in a tutu. She looked cute; he had done a good job dressing her. She was grinning and squeaking and flapping her arms. The doctor told you the surgery was unsuccessful.

Money could buy anything... right?

Another surgery. It was dangerous. There was a lot of internal bleeding. But you needed it. If you didn’t get it, you wouldn’t last more than 3 days. Jumin’s face was stoic. “What are the chances of success?”

“10%,” the doctor said simply, as though this was nothing new or shocking.

“And what if we’re in the 90%?” Jumin fired back. The doctor didn’t answer. He couldn’t meet your eye. That was an answer enough for you.

You looked at Jumin. Put on a smile. Smile. Smile. “10% is 1 in 10. I’m healthy. I eat well, I exercise. We need to do it,” you encouraged him. You never told him about the fire you felt every time you breathed. He didn’t need to know.

“Okay.” You could hardly hear his voice. “Okay.”

The doctor would prep the room for surgery. It would be about an hour. Jumin’s face was crumpled. He was trying so hard to keep it in.

“Hey,” you nudged him. You forced yourself to be optimistic, because what else could you be? “Go get a coffee.”

“I can’t leave you right now. There’s only an hour.”

“Yeah, an hour and then I’ll be gone for a few and then a whole lifetime. Go get a coffee. You look tired.” You weren’t lying. He seemed exhausted. You didn’t think he got any sleep. “And get roses maybe.”

“You want roses?” He smiled.

You laughed. Fire in your gut. “Duh. I’m gonna be here for a few days at least. It’ll liven the place up.”

“Okay. How many?” He put a smile on his face too.

“I don’t know... however many you feel like. I’ll even take the baby so you can pick out in peace.” You held your arms out to take her. Jumin carefully set her in your arms. “I missed holding her last night.”

“I’ll be right back. I love you.” He gave you a peck on the lips.

“I love you more.”

And then it was just you and the baby. You could finally let your eyes water. “1 in 10 is still good chances, Baby,” you told her. You knew she couldn’t understand. But you wanted to tell her. “But the way I feel right now... I don’t feel very good.”

You kissed her little cheek. “I’m so happy I could bring you into this world. Make you laugh and speak and crawl. Feed you in the middle of the night. Protect you from that car. I don’t care if it hurt me instead. I protected you.”

Tears were falling. Dripping onto her cheeks. You wiped furiously at your eyes. This wasn’t fair to anyone. “I’m... if I’m okay then you can forget this ever happened. You won’t remember anyways. If I’m gone today you’ll never remember me. I will only live in photographs and old interviews and stories your father will tell. It’ll be hard to grow up without a mother. You’ll panic when you get your first period and Daddy is no help at all. I hope they’ll step up and help you... all our friends. Just... be there for him. Okay? He will watch you grow and teach you so much but... you take care of him too. He’ll get a million things wrong. But he made you. And that was right. And that’s enough for me to know he will take care of you.”

Jumin remembered flowers made you sneeze. If they didn’t make your nose so itchy he would have bought the whole gift shop of flowers. That would have been inconsiderate to other families. He bought baby pink lilies, carrying them up in their pretty vase.

“Hi,” you smiled, greeting him as he entered. You were happy you had stopped talking to the baby when you did. Your tears were all wiped away. You were presentable enough to not show your husband your fear. He set the flowers down next to you. “Those are beautiful.”

“I thought... since she likes pink so much, they’d remind you of her when she goes home at night and you have to stay here,” he shrugged. He put on a smile.

You scooted over in your bed, which was easier said than done. “Come sit with me until they’re ready.” You patted the spot on the bed next to you. “I’m a little nervous.”

“I am too... but you said it yourself. It’ll be okay.” He was smiling again. None of his smiles were genuine. They hadn’t been since he walked through that door this morning.

You looked at him. His mind was clearly racing. He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close. “You can tell me you’re scared,” you whispered.

“I... I can’t raise her alone.” He buried his face into your neck. Tears soaked the collar of your hospital gown. “I can’t even hold her for ten minutes without her crying.”

“She’s a baby, Jumin. She cries every ten minutes in general.” You couldn’t cry. You focused on your baby’s eyes, shut as she napped in your arms. “I’ll fight my absolute hardest, Jumin. You can’t get rid of me as easily as you think.” If you had to leave this world... you wanted his last memories of you to be happy.

When they came to get you, he kissed you. Once, twice, three times. You kissed the baby. And all you could think was you couldn’t be done. You didn’t formally say goodbye to him. You hadn’t talked to any of the RFA members. You didn’t ask Jaehee to help with your daughter just in case. You didn’t even tell Elizabeth goodbye on your way out last time. You’d have to come back and do it then.

He almost dropped the baby when they told him you didn’t make it. She was so calm. She was still asleep. Her eyes were shut, her mouth smiling slightly. Didn’t she know? Couldn’t she feel the loss of her mother?

He couldn’t believe it at first. He couldn’t talk to anyone. They sent him back to your room to collect your things.

Those pink lilies. He should have gotten something tangible. Something he could selfishly take with him to remind himself of you. These flowers would die. You only got to see them for a few minutes. It was stupid. He’d leave them there.

Your phone. Your phone. The one they called him from to give him the news. It wasn’t even cracked. It still had your smudged fingerprints on it from constant use. How could that accident have broken you completely and leave the phone unscathed!?

He didn’t realize he had thrown it until it clattered on the ground. He was still holding his child in one hand. He needed to be more careful. He had so much rage though...

He needed to be careful.

He bent down and picked up the phone.

It was still spotless. No cracks, not even from being thrown against the cinderblock wall.

He fell, leaning against said wall, holding his daughter in his arms. It was stupid. It was unfair. He was the richest man in the country and he couldn’t save you. What was the point of money if it didn’t do what he needed it to do?

He cried.

She opened her eyes. She still wasn’t crying. She still was as innocent as she had been yesterday, before the accident. As though she knew nothing new. As though nothing had changed. But so much had.

To her, only one thing had. She knew a new word.

“Da-da?”

If anyone wanted the grand total, I cried 18 times while writing this. Tell me if you cried or if I am just dramatic

On a more personal level, the first memory I have is buying pink lilies for my mom the day she died. No memories of her, only of those pink lilies. My sister bought a bear and got to take it home. Every day I think of how I have no momentos of her, just the image of those stupid pink lilies I’m cryin in da club

[nottogetpoliticalbutwtfisoatmeal]

okay look i

i just saw that ppl wrote stuff on their tumblrs so uh

brainrot igwberwe

below the cut a is sappy Eyes and Arms fic i wrote based off of 'dont yank my chain' around 1293 words

A dull thud was heard on the ground. Quieter were heavy pants and the rustling of leaves. The moon was on the way to rising, with the sun waving its final goodbyes.

Good. They would be seen less easily.

Handy sat on the forest floor, if not collapsing against it. He was absolutely exhausted. He was running from the law for a crime he was wrongly accused of, even the victim of. His trusty safety helmet was long gone, fur pulled and pricked, feet bruised, and some of his tail was bitten off.

Handy wasn’t even the one who was the worst off. Poor Mole had to carry the massive weight the entire journey. He ran into branches, pits, and nearly fell off of a cliff due to his lack of vision. His life was so used to being slow and steady, giving him enough time to get used to his surroundings and navigate them. But there, in a gruesome chase that had both of them in foreign places, must have the mole lost and confused.

For the night, the two hid in a bush, waiting for the baring of dogs and yelling of sheriffs. Once they were silent for a hot minute, the two decided it was safe to find proper shelter. They landed by a river loud enough to mask the sound and scent of them.

Handy curled his legs up to his chest. The night’s cold was setting in, and the beaver didn’t have a blanket or bed to lie in. The rushing water was driving his instincts up a wall, but he couldn’t be bothered to chew down even the tiniest of trees in his current state. Sleep would just have to come to him in the form of passing out, he guessed.

After some moments of Handy trying to ignore the pain and ache of his whole body, a certain sound caught the carpenter’s interest. It sounded similar to the crash of the river, but it was deeper, yet lighter. It had more volume, and more emotion.

It was crying.

Handy lowered his head to the nub of his arm. He didn’t feel his torn bandages dampen, and his fur along his cheeks felt fairly dry, if not wet with blood. The beaver turned his head.

Mole was sat on a log, arms crossed on his knees. He was facing down and his ruined sweater was shaking. He was shivering, even though he was wearing the most clothing out of the two of them. The shades covering his eyes were slid down slightly. A trail of dark lavender left his eyes into the fold of his turtleneck.

Oh. Mole was crying.

Handy was known for being sarcastic and grumpy. He grit his teeth at problems he faced, and would kick the shit out of anyone who mentioned the lack of his arms. But, despite being a downer most of the time, he did have a heart. Only few knew about that, though. One of which being his younger brother, Toothy. The little beaver would sometimes come home bawling, wailing about how he was made fun of for his features or the gruesome ways he died. Handy had done his fair share of poking fun at the kid, but when his brother was genuinely upset, the orange beaver knew when to be serious. He comforted Toothy like a mother would to her child.

Handy got up from the ground. The silent sobs reminded him too much of his family, and he felt his heart act before his mind. He sat beside Mole, and placed an arm behind the violet sweater. He circled the end, rubbing shapes into Mole’s back. Comforting words left his mouth, nonsensical gibberish cooed in a soothing way to get to Mole’s mind. When he caught the animal’s attention, he turned his head to face Handy. When the carpenter got the idea he had the other’s focus, his words turned into actual sentences. Various ‘it’s okay’s and ‘I’m here’s poured out his buck-toothed mouth, Mole visibly stopped shaking, but quiet sniffles could be heard.

The blind man curled into a ball. A common sign of helplessness. Handy’s auburn eyes softened, blurring with tears of sympathy.

“You’re scared because you don’t know where you are, dontchya?” he murmured, inching closer to give the mole something to lean on. His arm curled around the other’s waist for support. Mole nodded weakly, growing tense.

Handy placed his head on top of Mole’s. He clicked his tongue. “Aw, honey, it’s gon’ be okay. You’re safe. You’re safe with me.”

Okay, maybe he shouldn’t have used the name ‘honey’. Instinct he picked up from Toothy. He rarely used pet names, but they’d slip out when he tucked Toothy into bed or let him fall asleep against his shoulder. Handy froze, but continued like nothing had happened, clearing his throat.

After some time, Mole gripped the beaver’s chest, mumbling into his neck. Handy lowered his head to hear him better.

“....forest. River….. Log…”

He was listing what he could hear or feel. His surroundings. He was trying to locate where he was.

Handy’s ears fell, and his grip tightened. He nuzzled his face into Mole’s, just like he would do with Toothy. It was a parental thing he would do… but it might have come off more affectionate than intended.

“Yeah, you’re in a forest,” he whispered into Mole’s ear. “We’re by a river. It’s night right now, and that damned sheriff ain’t here. We’re safe.”

“It’s night?” Mole’s surprisingly sharp hands dug into Handy’s fur. He nodded.

“Mhmm. We’re gonna go to sleep, okay? You’ll feel all better in the mornin’, ‘kay?”

Mole hesitated, but moved his head in agreement. The animal in his arms got heavier, and Handy realized he was going limp to lie down. He drifted the man as close to the ground as he could get, and let him plop onto the strands of grass. He was visibly more relaxed.

And Handy was visibly more cold. He was used to the shared body heat of Mole and his sweater. He curled into a ball.

“It’ll be okay. Everythin’ll be okay,” he cooed to himself.

A tap got the carpenter’s attention. He turned around to see Mole looking at him. He paused, and then raised his arms. There was an open spot next to his chest.

This was an invitation to snuggle. Mole wanted to snuggle with him. Probably to share body heat, but Handy was alight with blush. He stammered, and then looked back into the dark forest. It was cold, and he couldn’t tell what were fireflies and what were glowing eyes.

Handy looked back at Mole. It was parental, right? Something he would do with Toothy. Yeah, that’s why, the beaver told himself as he inched closer, feeling large hands close him in.

He was wide awake at first. He was being cuddled by Mole, and he couldn’t get his mind off of it no matter how it tried to phrase it. But, his sweater was nice and soft, and so was Mole’s fur, and the way he functioned as a living pillow…. just…

When Handy awoke that morning to see that he was completely entangled with Mole, and even fit into the same sweater the animal was wearing, he realized what he had done the night before. But… it felt nice. For both of them. The morning made them both feel better, and Handy couldn’t recall the last time he had physical affection.

Handy looked up at Mole, whose glasses were slightly askew, and his head was lifted just enough for Handy to burrow his in the crook of the mole’s neck. Maybe he could pretend to be asleep just a little bit longer...

[4dtk]

stuck with you

pairing: enemy!journalist!haechan x journalist!reader

genre: angst, fluff, humour, enemies to lovers (hope i did the trope justice tbh TT)

warnings: cursing, f words lmao, i mention stranger things a lot in this??? mainly bc i just finished watching it w a friend. i also only use ‘haechan’ when narrating the story so i don’t get confused! the timeline for this is Very Weird as well bc like i didn’t consider how long a pandemic would last…… so Uhm. pls just excuse the weird ass time sequence. also referenced yangyang’s bastard child behaviour from dream plan where he packs his things messily and kun had to mf intervene and yangyang had the audacity to go like “see, this is how u get ppl to pack for you, now i don’t have to do anything” 💀

word count: 8k (a headache to proofread...)

A/N: first time trying an e2l trope and im not sure if it was done ok??? i didn't want it to feel too rushed so i tried to spread out the days as much as i could!! i also included small snippets of their life w the other so it won’t seem like the fic is just focusing on the e2l concept! was inspired tons by the lyrics of stuck with u by ariana grande and jb, so that song is definitely something you can listen to if you read this! hope you enjoy ^^

[day 1]

"you're insufferable," you groan, reluctantly handing over the remote control for the hotel's television after some unsuccessful scrolling.

hotels never exactly had much range anyway. 

you were very much already dreading the time ahead with the male, sadly having been stuck in quarantine not even half a day with haechan. 

offering to go to a neighbouring country to report on the rising covid-19 situation, you didn't expect your rival to tag along, no doubt seeking to craft up a better story than you would.

and so, you were now nudging the remote control into his waiting palm with a roll of your eyes. you hoped it emphasised your annoyance with him even a little, standing up to prepare a cup of tea before bed. 

"are you going to keep watching television while i sleep?" you ask a genuine question, peeking at him through the mirror of the vanity that sat outside the bathroom.

he just shrugs with a tired sigh, turning his attention back to the cartoon playing in front of him. 

"okay, well, keep to your side of the bed and i'll stay in mine. we need to be social distancing, anyway."

there's a hint of "okay, loser" mumbled under his breath, but you pay it no thought as you finish your tea and brush your teeth before you skillfully set up a fortress made out of pillows.

"ow! what the hell?" 

"your leg was in the way, jeez! move it, and i'll stop annoying you," you said, putting up the last of your requested pillows beside where haechan currently sat. 

taking one last glance at haechan, you wondered when the lockdown in your country would last before they start letting people fly in. for now, you were trapped with the nightmare himself in a sad hotel room, with only a bed to share.

"goodnight," he tells you, but the sardonic way he says it irks you to the point where you settle for silence instead. the only thing that drones on are the voices of the cartoon, soon fading as you feel into a dreamless sleep.

[day 4]

"this virus thing is probably driving me insane by day, and you, lee haechan, are adding on to it!"

"no headlines, no idea what style to write in, minimal pictures-" the doorbell to the hotel room interrupts your current rant, prompting you to storm off to answer the call with an annoyed look. 

"what now?" taken aback by your quick response, the housekeeping girl retracts with downturned eyebrows and a voice hesitant to speak. your roommate comes to the rescue almost immediately when he's heard the commotion.

you watch as he sends her a smile and a wink, deflating when he's let her in to clean up the room. you're not sure why you can't keep your eyes off the both of them as they converse, blaming it mostly on your hatred for the male.

with the last of her duties fulfilled, you offer to help her with the cleaning supplies as an apology, but she cuts you off almost immediately. there's a linger in her step, however, as she walks the short hallway to the door, evident in wanting haechan to send her off as he received her.

turning back to call him, he holds up a hand as he types down his opening lines to an article, prompting you to shoot the housekeeper girl another apologetic look.

"sorry again," you mumble, letting out a sigh at how this was all playing out. day four and you were already making enemies with the hotel crew.

"maybe day forty-one is where i fall in love with lee haechan," you scoffed, perhaps listing down all the unfortunate things that could happen while you were in quarantine.

one of them was catching feelings for your rival.

rolling your eyes, you settled on the bed to catch a few Zs as he continued to work on his article, though you weren't exactly sure about the weight your words held.

[day 9]

"haechan, what is this?" you ask with an eyebrow raised, his dirty boxers barely hanging off your finger. 

haechan only groans at that, knowing you were relentless in the laundry. even in a pandemic, he was sure you'd prioritise your clothes first.

"jesus! don't go picking up my underwear just like that!" he snatches it from you, folding it neatly and placing it next to where his luggage sat. unfortunately, yours was right beside his. 

"you think just because you're doing the laundry you're able to look through a man's prized possessions-!"

your jaw drops, "it was near the sink, haechan! i don't want to look at the checkered pattern on your boxers when i brush my teeth. i don't want it near my face either." 

haechan groans yet again, running a hand through his hair in frustration before turning back to the computer, a blank document opened up in front of him.

despite gathering findings, interviewing healthcare workers and serving the public alongside frontline staff, he had deleted every attempt at writing.

there's a rumble from the bathroom, perhaps from your upset stomach or the choked pipe, but sometimes they sounded too similar he couldn't tell it apart. haechan stifles a laugh when there's a "fuck!" echoing behind the door, though unsure if he should help you or not.

when haechan hears another crash, he comes running without hesitation with a face morphed into furrowed eyebrows and a tilt of the head.

"don't just stand there, you moron!" 

haechan snaps out of his daze to assist you off the floor, swiftly helping you even more off the floor as he carries you to the bed with a stiff one arm. you notice his other hand hanging awkwardly, probably not knowing what to do with it before you feel the soft sheets under your butt.

he gets to work within a minute, fishing for an ointment and some bandages his mother forced him to bring. he remembers it as he always has: a caring mother looking out for her son, maybe a little too much sometimes. 

haechan is thankful for his mother, now, for the stray bandages laying around in his pouch.

you watch in silence as he cleans the cut with alcohol, wincing when his hand hadn't even touched your skin.

"my hand isn't even on your skin yet! jeez, calm down." 

you shake your head, holding onto his bicep to halt his arm, "just use water, please."

exhaling in exasperation, you wonder if you've pissed him off tenfold when he leaves for the bathroom with a side-eyed glance, though not hostile.

"problematic," haechan whispers, dabbing a wet cloth over the wound carefully before applying the ointment and securing the bandages. 

"your words contradict your actions so much, haechan. i never know what you're thinking." sighing, you pull your leg away from his hold after he's done with the bandages, making your way to the bathroom and leaving him in his thoughts.

"why do you want to know?"

haechan gets silence; the lock of the bathroom audibly turns to signal another wall put up between the two of you. with another frustrated groan, the boy plops down on the chair to work on his article with the right words forming in his mind.

even if he was the one who asked, he wasn't sure if he was ready to tell you.

[day 13]

"stranger things is freaking me the fuck out, man!" haechan whispered, ignoring your pleads and groans to continue writing. 

"haechan! give me the damn laptop! i don't even know why you brought an HDMI cable when it doesn't work with the television system here!"

"well, we got one that matches it, didn't we?" he said, eyes peeled to the screen that showed the young boy, will, in the upside-down.

"you mean you did!" you shoved him, ready to disconnect the devices before haechan held you back, clearly entranced by the next sequence of eleven being able to see will in a pool of salt. 

"ugh, god, i don't even know why people watch the show!" you spill with sourness, knowing the show was praised for its excellent acting and writing.

haechan raises an eyebrow, turning to you with a strangely slow speed. 

"stranger things have received multiple awards, and you didn't give any other reason. are you scared?"

when you struggle to find words, haechan laughs at his revelation, hiding his pearly whites behind his hand as he continues to make fun of you.

"yeah yeah, i'm scared! so what?" 

"'oh haechan! oh no~ i'm terrified, would you care to provide some comfort?' jeez, don't worry, man, i'll protect you." there's a cheeky glimmer in his eyes and a cocky smirk on his face which you very much want to wipe off with the disinfectant in the toilet.

"it's not all that bad, c'mon! give it a-" turning back to the tv, the sudden attack of the demogorgon lashing out at the camera has the male screaming, hiding behind your body in fear.

"you were saying, mr superman?" you deadpan, unlatching his arms around your waist as you sink deeper into the sheets with your phone in hand.

[day 17]

haechan thrashes in his sleep, almost knocking the wine glass you had in your hands when he crosses over the pillow barrier you made. 

"what in the hell-" you winced, keeping an eye on the male should he have any more outbursts that would ruin both wine night and the stuff you were working on for the article. 

with tipsy hands, your keyboard keys unconsciously write out a letter of disdain and confusion regarding haechan, the boy sleeping next to you with a cute drooling face and curly hair.

with beautiful tan skin like that, you wondered why he didn't model instead. with a voice as impressive as his, you wondered why he didn't sign a contract. with natural hosting capabilities, you wondered why didn't fucking get the place of a talk show host. 

because man, he can get pretty bothersome sometimes.

[day 20]

the next few days pass by with a breeze.

despite not knowing how the current pandemic will turn out, you find haechan more bearable, his habits being dumped in the past with a wave of a hand.

petty arguments occur, of course, until one of you brushes off the matter like nothing.

today was one of the days you won't back down.

there's worry evident on your face, eyes scanning through every last document on the stupid laptop. fingers travel fast over the keyboard as the realisation slowly dawns on you. 

with slumped shoulders, you take a deep breath before turning to the male.

"what do you mean you accidentally deleted my article? i know we're sharing the damn laptop, but we established that you stay on your files and i stay on mine."

the other waved his hand, "i did not touch any of your files, (y/n), i'm not sure what happened."

"how could you not know? what the hell? i had good content on it, but now i have to spend more hours reorganising the news and interview answers and everything else in my notes. thanks, lee haechan."

"maybe if you weren't so caught up in me trying to sabotage your place in the publication team, then you would've believed me." he shrugged, taking a seat on the one bed like nothing.

you scoffed, arms crossing across your body. "funny how you mention sabotage because a villain never reveals their motive. that's why you came with me, didn't you?"

haechan stuck his tongue out to the side of his mouth, eyes blinking and rolling like an 8-ball that it sickened you to the core.

"villain? i'm the villain?"

"was i not clear?" you hiss, stepping closer to the male.

"no, make it more precise, please. i wanna hear it word for word. spit it out, coward."

with every word, you plunged your finger into his chest, looking deep into his eyes. "you're set out to take my place for department editor, where you know i'm best at."

"and that department would be...?" he crossed his arms, looking down at you with scorn you wished you could slap off his face.

"the..." you gulp with his face all up in yours, eyes boring as he awaits your answer, no doubt losing confidence at your realisation.

"the world depart...ment? you love to travel, right?" you trail off, biting your lip in anxiety when you remember how he was on the plane. you don't exactly remember whether he was more excited or scared.

"wrong! try again."

"politics?" you propose.

haechan's face contorts into disbelief, with his mouth twisted with perplex and eyebrows furrowed. "me? politics?"

your mouth runs dry at the roadblock you've faced, and as that annoying, stupid smirk grows, your hatred for him increases by the charts.

"naming departments i'd rather die than join, running your mouth, accusing me of deleting your files..." haechan shakes his head dramatically, rolling his eyes and letting out a fat sigh.

"you think i wanna be stuck here with your infuriating ass? god, you're so entitled, aren't you? aren't you?!"

"talking like you own the place, talking like you're the only one in this world, talking like- mhfh-"

within three angry steps, you were across the room.

within three booming steps, your hands were on his face.

within three significant steps, you were kissing lee haechan.

"you never learn to shu..." with horror, you're brought back from the trance with widened eyes.

"oh, god, sorry. what. what the hell. what the fuck?" you whisper, pushing the boy away with both hands in a panic, trying to highlight your scorn for him by wiping your lips on your sleeve.

had you liked it?

the other scurried to the balcony in a frenzy while you collected yourself in the bathroom, although no amount of water could calm your nerves. 

with shaky words in bed, you both agreed to never talk about it again.

[day 25]

"hey, i can see your damn annotations on my article, (y/n). will you stop it?" haechan whines, making you second guess if he was joking or not.

for the nth time that day, you roll your eyes and proceed to sip from your cup of gin tonic that haechan desperately wanted you to try. it was... a refreshing taste, but hell, you wouldn't drink this even if it was the last beverage on earth.

"i'm just giving my feedback, be thankful i didn't bring up that stupid kiss five days ago. bleugh." 

haechan falls quiet at that, fingers lingering over the keyboard as he typed out some note with the speed of a sloth's. 

"hey, call me donghyuck. that's my actual name," he mumbles, glancing at you through his bangs while he awaits your reply.

"donghyuck? is haechan an alias?"

the boy shrugs, "i don't know, maybe. my friends gave it to me when i was younger, and i just stuck with it."

"full sun? your friend gave it to you, sure." you grin with a gesture of your hand, almost spilling the gin in the clear glass before breaking into small laughter with the other.

[day 28]

"hey! hey, what the hell?" you whisper, feeling the boy huddle up to you in lightning speed. 

"what is wrong with you?" you whisper-shout, nudging him off your body as his phone screen remains as the only thing illuminating his face.

"sorry, i- i was watching stranger things while i was shitting and after i cleaned up... i heard something and bolted out of there."

"so now you're butt naked? hyuck, ew!" you groan, thankful for the sheets that were covering your body and his junk. his reluctance to get off you didn't seem to bother you as much as earlier, but you still wished he wasn't literally naked against you.

"go put on your underwear, you big baby. i'll be here when you come out. no demogorgon is going to come out, for real."

"no no, i was watching season two and it was that big shadow thingy that freaked me out. can't you feel this poor boy shivering?" haechan sighed, eyes never leaving the corridor that led to the bathroom.

"i can, and i also can feel your dick. please get dressed, or you're sleeping on the floor," you mumble, pulling the sheets to cover your freezing body.

[day 31] 

your face hits something soft, cuddling into it even further because of its warmth before you realise there was only one other thing that would be warm in the room.

haechan.

your breath shakes, and your eyes widen as you pull yourself away from his embrace. your subtle movement leaves him thrashing around, though, and his arms tighten around your figure slowly and endearingly.

gulping, you will your hands to stay in their place, opting to freeze to death although there are hints of heat crawling onto your face.

when you wake up, you find that his hand's in yours and maybe you were searching for one wrong thing. an anomaly, an exception. it fit in yours perfectly, however, his tanned skin glowing lightly under the rays of sun filtering through the curtains.

you hoped he didn't realise the small shift of your fingers as they enclosed around his hand.

[day 32]

"what are you doing out here?" haechan asked quietly, peeking around the sliding door before joining you on the chilly balcony. it wasn't much, but it was still different and refreshing from the old, stagnant aircon air that was blowing in the hotel room.

"can't sleep," you whisper. you had your arms around your figure cautiously, as if it could protect you from all the bad, evil and terror in the world. at this point, you weren't sure what was it that you were feeling, but it sure didn't involve entertaining haechan's teasing. 

luckily, he bit his tongue from making the usual snarky remarks.

"it's two in the morning, what's up?" 

you shake your head in reply, watching the empty streets as the last light in the apartment across you switches off. sure, at two in the morning, pavements were dusty clean, and the birds were sleeping, but there would always be younger boys smoking along the road, or a drunken group of friends laughing about a past memory. 

now that the pandemic forced everyone into their homes, everything was pretty much dead. there wasn't that excitement you felt when you saw a late-night kiss shared between two lovers or the snug hug of a child to his father who was working overtime that day.

"nothing's up, hyuck, it's fine. you can get back to sleep if you want."

maybe today you two were the one causing the ruckus this time, though. haechan may have let his words slipped, and at that moment, you knew you regretted that bloom in your chest when his lips met yours.

"you're so hard to read, (y/n). i want you to be able to trust me, tell me what's going on."

"why do you wanna know anyway? so you can expose me of my bad habits and weak points?" you whisper, eyes trained on the flickering lamppost a few yards away.

"there you go again! again with the sabotage?" haechan scoffed, exiting the small space and stepping back into the room of mixed emotions.

"is this just about your feelings for me?" 

haechan laughed, "my feelings? might i remind you that you were the one who kissed me full on the lips twelve days ago? what was that all about? i wanna talk about it, even though we said we wouldn't! i wanna talk about why you hate me so much. i wanna talk about why your emotions are so contradictive!" 

your mouth hangs open as you sputter out a heated reply, but instead gets interrupted with a knock on the door. 

"keep quiet, you damn teenagers! i don't need your petty fights at two in the morning!" with padded feet, the guest returns to his room and slams the door to emphasise his complaint. swallowing, your mind goes blank as it focuses only on one question.

"why do you want to know so much lee haechan? what are you gaining out of this? if it's not sabotaging, then what is it?!" you whisper, standing your ground as with the first argument. 

your throat is clenched up, and your fists are balled up tightly with nails digging into your palm. your heartbeat races like a fast car and your breathing's laboured in the cold room. there's no movement for a second, though they feel like minutes on end as haechan struggles to answer your question.

"what is it, lee donghyuck?" you cry out again, the sparkle in your eyes shining brightly from the tears of your never-ending dispute. he wished it was from the moonlight, instead. he wished the two of you were laughing over the rim of wine glasses and sharing the mischievous glimmer of the moon in your eyes.

"it's nothing. don't mind it." the other turns to catch up on sleep, leaving you to bite your lip.

"now you're doing it, now you're the one doing it. just tell me, you dumbass!" you mumble, pulling on his pyjama sleeve and tugging you to him.

"i like you, okay! it's out there now, i like you a lot, but you make it feel like a crime to do it," haechan whispers, "whatever. fuck this."

"no- what- no, we'll talk this out." you propose, adjusting your grip on his wrist with the curl of your fingers.

the male shakes his head and snatches his arm back, "no, forget it, and i'd prefer if you left me alone, (y/n)."

even with the warmth of his body next to yours, your body felt frozen and stiff. even with the thick duvet cover over you, you felt out of place in the stale hotel room, with colour becoming black and white, they merge into grey as the moonlight shone without a care for your problems.

there's action on the balcony when your eyes flutter open in the morning, noticing the quiet way haechan observes those rushing to work as well as social distancing officers making their rounds.

his eyes look hopeful and youthful, different from the tired ones the night before, or rather, this morning. you hadn't forgotten the angry neighbour banging on the door, and you definitely hadn't forgotten about how much you've wounded haechan this morning.

with a soft knock, you let him know of your presence and you just miss the way his eyes soften at your bed hair and messy appearance. his gaze turns hard in a second as he turns back to the apartment across yours, the balcony door showing your reflection of how hesitant you were.

haechan wished he could take your hands in his and accept your apology in a heartbeat, but he stayed seated and waited for whatever you wanted to say.

"don't run off, please." there's a shameful hand on his shoulders, and he's dying to get up when he sees your downcast eyes in the reflection across the street.

"i was too caught up in getting department head that i... didn't consider other possibilities. even the possibility of you uhm... liking me. it's still a weird concept to me, especially with how much we bicker."

"i'm sorry i didn't stay to hear out your feelings and rather, i just talked over you instead. i'm not sure if you want to accept this or not, but i want to open up—about this, about your feelings and... i don't know how much i've masked my emotions, i just know that we need to communicate."

the doorbell interrupts your apology, but you internally thank the housekeeping for bringing breakfast for the two of you.

with silence over breakfast, you weren't sure how the other felt as he scoffed down the croissant and almost burned his tongue with the coffee he ordered.

[day 33] 

the boy barely watches the television and instead, reads over the article you were working on. seeing as it was already there when he logged on, he skimmed through it out of curiosity, finding that you were rephrasing the messy typos and sentences frantically on your notes.

haechan never forgot the way you were typing away on the laptop, eyes reading and rereading the sentences to make sure they made sense, to make sure they were clear to the reader. 

the argument had taken a toll on you, too. he sees it in the way your eyes sink when your words turn out choppy and lacking, he sees it in the way you lug your body to the bathroom after a late night, he sees it in the way you struggle to hold your smile while attending an interview. 

'haechan. you confuse me. i'm not...' the note below it trails off, piquing his curiosity at what it had in store.

'haechan.' big and bold letters it wrote, with a few dozen question marks below it. your writing skills shine through even in an informal note about your self-proclaimed rival, each line prompting the other to read more.

'you confuse me. i'm not sure what you're at but, it doesn't seem natural for you to tag along with someone you hate, right? that's what i was thinking too.'

'jeez, i remember hating when suyeon told me you were coming along. i didn't believe her one bit until she showed me your plane ticket and the hotel rooms next to each other. god, and when i came here, it was a day of interviewing before the damn government decided to close flights and force us into a room together.'

'i heard that other people had to be separated. i didn't know why we were the unlucky two that had to be put in a room together. i wished we didn't, almost. of course, you annoyed me when we first moved in. hogging the tv to no end, leaving your dirty underwear everywhere, running your mouth just like at our workplace.'

'i couldn't take it, maybe. sure, my brother has similar antics, but there was just something about you that just set me off, you know? i wouldn't have thought it was the opposite, or at least, i think so.'

'i'm counting the days. day 17 and i'm not sure why i feel this bubbling feeling inside me. of course, there's anger—i'm sure it's there, but there's also this other thing i get whenever i look at you.'

'my heart clenches up, and my hands become clammy, but it couldn't be a crush, right? i would've wasted my breath shouting, and my strength whacking your shoulder.' that makes haechan chuckle and look over at you where the soft light dances over your face.

'and then i started imagining. how would your arms wrap around me? how would your infuriating laughter, which somehow turned out to be so contagious, feel in the crook of my neck? yikes, that was cheesy.'

'what would it feel like if we fell in love for one night? where would you bring me and what would we eat? would we make out in your car like unruly teenagers?' 

'what would it be like to love you? it's dumb, isn't it? i don't know. i've liked this bickering thing we had going on, and it's amusing to see you one-up me. i'm not sure if i want that to change and i'm not sure if you want us to, either.'

'maybe i'm wrong, and i'm the only one in this thing. this is so stupid, writing while he's sitting next to me. i'll regret this, maybe. goodnight.'

haechan sighs, closing the device in thought, confused at the words he wasn't exactly supposed to read. had you done this on purpose? he was sharing the laptop with you...

the boy brushed it off, placing the laptop on the vanity before adjusting your side of the duvet, hoping he could find the right words. with hesitant steps, he keeps to his side of the bed, thinking, thinking, thinking. 

when he couldn't no more, haechan fell into the spell of slumber in the comfortable hotel room.

[day 34]

"tea?" he asks from the bathroom as the door clicks behind you, returning from the short hotel walk with a new keychain hanging from your sling bag.

"yeah sure, thanks." 

the water runs as he fills up the kettle as the constant whir of the aircon and the conversation on the television keeps you company in the vast quietness of the room. 

you weren't sure if you should say anything, but when you saw the dishevelled appearance of your roommate, you knew you had to bring up the argument and apology.

"haechan, about our... feelings. do you want to talk about them?" you whispered, a reply reaching your ears in the form of his spoon against the porcelain mug.

haechan hands you the drink wordlessly, sitting on the chair at the vanity before sipping cautiously at the tea. there are unexchanged glances between the two of you before he sighs at your expectant hand tapping the sheets.

"i think it's about time we did," he mumbled, dragging the laptop off the wooden table with anxiety. the other opened it without saying anything, catching you by surprise when the mouse hovers over your note.

"hae- donghyuck! no! what the hell?"

he holds up a hand and clicks on it anyway, making your heart drop to your stomach as he turned the device towards you.

"read the bottom." haechan whispers as you pull the laptop closer to you, settling it on your lap as he observed your expressions carefully.

'i read it, i'm sorry.' you look at him and lift up a hand to prepare to whack him, a defeated sigh escaping you before you carried on.

'was it wrong to read it? of course, and i cannot apologise more for doing shit like that when we still have unsolved tension between us in this small ass room. it was incorrect, but.'

'do you feel the same as me? is bickering all we have to do? why can't we work anything out? they're the questions i keep asking myself after i read your letter.'

'i guess i was too caught up in the fight and not wanting to be the loser that i... can't deny that i've never thought about wanting to get to know you, even if you were that sought out to be my destined enemy.'

'when we fought earlier, you kissed me. i know we said not to mention it, but, uhm, it was good. i liked it. i'm not sure if the reason why you did it was because of the reason you mentioned in the note, but at the time, i assumed it was to shut me up. i thought something would happen after, though you pushed me away and apologised right away.'

'it was a far off dream that i had, but i think it was after i bandaged your foot. you said that you didn't know what was going on in my mind, and i told you.'

'it was like, i was granted an insight into an alternate world, another universe where you didn't feel the strain, where you legitimately assumed i was going for your position.'

'you scoffed when i confessed, right then and there, on day 9. i was counting, too, and it was a scary, confusing dream. i think that's why i held it off as long as i could until your words puzzled and angered me further because you just didn't get it.'

'you scoffed and told me to get lost, pushing on my shoulders where we fought on the balcony for everyone to see. you never spoke to me, you never mentioned my article nor the interviews. we never joked over wine, and we always kept to our side of the bed.'

'i was convinced that heaven wanted me to stay away from you and your heart. maybe it was broken too many times, and you had someone up there looking out for you.'

'i feel like i'm copying off the textbook of some greek mythology starter pack, but i'm for real! no kidding.' you smiled, looking at him with nervous eyes at the small joke he put in.

'i guess whoever put that dream in my sleep really wanted us not to be together because i think i would've told you i liked you on the spot itself. i let my conscious get the best of me.'

'i know this is a lazy way of conveying my feelings, and i wished i could do it with words, but i feel like you wouldn't believe me otherwise. i rushed it this morning when you went on your morning walk around the hotel and when you let me know of your stroll in a soft voice, i wanted nothing more than to get you in my arms as we wake up to the housekeeping service.'

'i didn't want any more tension between us, and i didn't want to be interrupted by your alarm while we avoid each other more. it hurts seeing you escape the room in haste. you said it was weird for me to tag along with someone i hate, too, and that someone was you. i guess you found out why.'

looking up, you found him right in front of you, mouth dry from his reply to your letter. with a gulp, you leaned forward to meet his lips halfway.

"i'm sorry to whoever's up there," he whispers, prompting a grin and a laugh out of you.

the laptop is forgotten on the bed as haechan situates himself over you, clutching your shoulder gently while his lips move quickly, fast to make up for lost time. 

"wait wait, wait, you're not playing me, are you?" you mumble in return, reluctantly pulling away while witnessing the way his eyes soften at your guard still up. haechan shakes his head forlornly, tongue pressing up against the side of his mouth nervously.

"no, i'm not, (y/n)," he says quietly with as much sincerity he can muster, removing his hand from your shoulder with a forced smile. 

"okay." there's a shakiness to your voice, but when you bring his lips back to yours, it gives you a rush of confidence. your skin is burning up, and your hands can't stop wandering as his lips capture yours, repeatedly moving against yours like a trance.

you grant haechan access to your mouth with a whimper, melting into his embrace as his arms wrap tighter around your figure. his eagerness lingers when he pushes forward, straddling your lap as his leg nudges the laptop.

"wait, hyuck, wait, the laptop!" you joke, placing the device on the floor before getting back into the kiss with just as much fervour. within a minute or so, the other breaks away to say the words you so hated to hear:

"we... we need to talk. we can't just kiss the fight off, although i very much like to," haechan murmurs the last part, making you stifle a smile. 

you nod quickly, repeating the word "okay" like a robot. your hands naturally travel from his arms down to his fingers, and you clutch them like your life depended on it.

"we have... established, that i like you, correct?" haechan whispers, scooting closer as his tea-ridden breath surrounds you. from here, you could even smell the buttered croissant he ate this morning.

it made you smile, something simple as that.

"why- why are you laughing (y/n)?" he asks anxiously, eyes darting to find the reason why you found this so funny.

"no. no no no, i'm thinking of... the croissant you ate just now, and," you sigh, resting your head on his broad shoulder. 

"i'm thinking of the way your eyes light up when you show me the articles you idolise so much, and i'm thinking of the way you cuddle up to me whenever we watch stranger things." 

"i'm thinking of the way you thought i wouldn't give you a chance, even though i've been pondering on the same thing as you. i'm thinking of the things that make up lee haechan, lee donghyuck. yes, you like me, and yes i like you, but i guess i haven't told you the reason."

"i hated you, i really did. i found every reason to convince my mind to hate you. gaining trust, signing up for events you didn't know shit about, sucking up to the seniors, stealing my friends when they didn't know your personality. the personality i didn't even want to know because i was too busy in my little bubble."

"assuming you'd want to get department head was the cherry on top, because why else would you want to tag along? that was the factor that convinced me and confirmed my suspicions from day one."

you grunt in opposition, clearly not liking the truth that was spilling from your lips. haechan deserved to know, however. you kept your eyes trained on his lap where his hands were holding yours in support, crumbling from the blindness that caused your hatred. 

"so from then, the plane ride, immigration, the cab to the interview place, the cab back, the hotel room, my hatred for you boiled over." you listed, voice breaking as you looked haechan in the eye. 

"it was stupid of me to assume, to assume the worst of you when i didn't even know you. i wasn't even sure why i felt so bitter looking at you, but the way you acted, the way you whined, worked me up so much that i figured that was how you were."

"now when i'm sitting here with the curtains drawn, i can see why you're so attractable and easy to talk to and easy-going and bright that my friends keep talking to you."

"i can see why the seniors turn to you because you're reliable and hardworking without uttering a single word."

"i can see why you wanted to hop on this flight with me because you're always curious about the world and how you can expand your skill set."

and as you said word after word, haechan observes you with a soothing hand against your forearms. his eyes shine for a different reason, for the lost time he could've had if the two of you didn't have this massive barrier. a massive barrier that's been up for the longest time. 

brick by brick, the wall is being torn down. as you hold haechan's face in the stillness of the room, you feel closer to him than you've ever felt and his tears match your frustrated ones. 

choking on sobs, delayed apologies were all you could whisper.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, really. we fought so bad that day, and i was so goddamn insensitive..." you sigh, swallowing a lump when his hand reached up to wipe the tears. with a blocked nose, you breathe shakily as housekeeping interrupts the moment. 

you nod towards the door as he stood up slowly to reveal the same housekeeping girl. she cleaned up the bathroom and wardrobe quietly as the two of you stood awkwardly in the small space. she had left the sheets since everyone was practically stuck in, anyway.

haechan nudges you toward the door with a shove, shooting the same housekeeping girl a small smile and a bow as an apology to the previous run-in.

"he confessed his feelings?" she inquired softly, noticing the tear marks on your face.

you bit your lip, "yeah."

"that's good, he's finally not a coward." she laughs, folding the used towels and placing them with her.

you leaned against the door, asking for an explanation with your puzzled look.

"he was someone i liked, before. we had classes back in high school. it was just a dumb crush, honestly." the housekeeping girl shrugs, resting her head on her fist in thought.

"i think he liked me, and i did too, but we didn't do much except for exchange looks and flirt because both of us were just too scared." she shakes her head and adjusts the disinfectant spray bottle, fidgeting with the nozzle.

"i'm glad he had enough courage to admit his feelings." 

nodding along to her statement, she bids you farewell as her figure fades with each step, leaving you with a sense of calmness to the end of this situation.

[day 38]

"is... is this okay?" haechan asks, arm hovering over your body while waiting for your confirmation. you smile and nod, sinking into his side as you venture in the third season of stranger things together. 

"don't you think we should be working on our articles?" you whisper, looking up at him from where you were with raised eyebrows.

the boy opens and closes his mouth in thought, gesturing to the television with an exaggerated expression. 

"stranger things, ma'am."

you click your tongue and sigh with a smile, turning back to the show as you try to relax for an online interview in a few hours.

[day 39]

"what do you say about my set-up?" haechan nudges you, proud of the hangout area he prepared on the balcony. although small, he had no trouble making it look comfortable. 

with a smile, you pop open the wine to celebrate the last scheduled interview for the trip, clinking glasses with haechan in the setting sun.

the country you were supposed to return to was slowly opening up flights for those stranded overseas and as refreshing as a different environment was, you missed home and the warmness of it.

you missed the office and your desk. hell, you even missed the mediocre coffee from the pantry.

with the last of the wine finishing, haechan pours half into your glass and the other into his, clinking one last time before you one-shot the beverage.

the high of the alcohol is gradually brought down by the mellow atmosphere and colours of twilight. as pink and orange cross over on the horizon, haechan mumbles a low "c'mere" to you in the darkness.

you hum in response and get up from your seat, bringing a pillow with you as haechan shifts to make space. sinking naturally into his arms, you sigh while you try to contain a smile full of content.

"this is nice," you admit, the corners of your lips disobeying your command, prompting you to shoot him a smile. haechan nods against your hair, a comfortable arm around your waist while you trace the tan skin of his arm.

the other taps your waist repeatedly, turning in response as he whispers out a question that makes your heart melt.

"can i kiss you?" you grin, slipping a hand around his neck and pulling him in right away. haechan's caught by surprise, laughing into your lips and striving to savour the moment as much as he could. 

a shout from across the hotel distracts you from the kiss. looking up, you realise it was the apartment resident opposite you shooting you a 'rock on' gesture.

"you guys are not fighting anymore! congrats!" you both stifle a snort as you wave back to the resident, sighing in relief when their balcony door slides shut.

"should we go inside, m'lady?" haechan giggles, replying in the form of a nod, cleaning up the area while you head in.

[day 41]

"i didn't think they'd be letting flights in so early," you mumble, folding your clothes neatly as your vision shifts to haechan... shoving his fair share of apparel into his luggage.

"donghyuck... what the hell?" you roll your eyes, shoving the boy softly as you took over the task at hand. switching personalities almost immediately, haechan fakes an interview segment with exaggerated tones.

"see, everyone, this is how you convince someone to do the work for you," the boy lays on the bed with a satisfied expression, "now i don't have to do anyth- ow!"

"if we ever live together, maybe i should punish you by doing the laundry and then folding it," you grunt, working at the speed faster than you expected while you fold shirt after shirt.

"are you proposing we move in together?" haechan peeks through an open eye, curiosity dripping from his tone. he tried to feign nonchalance but awaiting your answer felt like a weight on his heart.

your next words lifted that weight, a seemingly invisible force bringing his upper body off the bed as he stares at you in shock.

"maybe, not now but... in the future, maybe," you mumble the last part, focusing on the clothes to prevent the male from seeing the fluster on your face.

"for real?" haechan sits up, biting his lip to contain his excitement as your confirmation. 

"we'll be all stupidly domestic and shit, and i'll say i love you five years from now before you go off for work if you want that and stuff," your voice goes lower and quieter, especially towards the end, biting off way more than you could chew.

"aw! i love you too!" haechan gushes, bringing you into an embrace as your hands go limp, scrambling to explain your emphasis on the 'future'.

"d-donghyuck, i meant the future, not now..." you manage to spit out, hoping you need not answer his queries any more. your mind blanks out at the current situation, wishing you hadn't said those dumb things.

he grins into your neck, "i know, i'm just answering for future me."

you groan and escape the hug with a roll of your eyes, "yuck, too cheesy!" the boy just lets out a laugh, watching the way you fold his clothes despite your initial annoyance.

[day 42]

suyeon switches between the two of you in disbelief, finger crooked at the ambiguity of "we like each other".

"wha-" suyeon doesn't get the chance to finish the sentence before you shoot her a thumbs up, grabbing haechan by the arm and your stuff with the other.

you were happy to leave the office after a quick debrief since you two had reported to the office right after arriving at the airport, relieved when you heard he'd spare a few more days for your articles to be cleaned up.

"so, (y/n), what would you like to do now?" haechan looks at you through the reflective material of the elevator, observing the nervous wringing of your fingers.

you're glad for the material protecting your face because there's a smile that you struggle to keep as his soft, gentle voice carries through the quiet space.

the anxiety ends when the lift sounds, prompting your eyes to trail down his arm. your hand moves on its own accord, grabbing his last finger with yours as you proceed into the lift sheepishly, not missing the way haechan's eyes show his bright smile behind the mask.

"maybe i'll get to know you more, lee donghyuck."

haechan lets out a gasp, "have you not learned about me enough? scandalous." 

you feign a punch in his direction, the luggage beside you tripping over its wheels due to your swift movement. the only response you get is a giggle from the other as he tightens his pinky around yours, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek right above your face mask just as the elevator doors open.

"man, i really do want to punch you now," you mutter as you let haechan lead you, wanting nothing more than to rest in the arms of your enemy-turned-friend? enemy-turned-someoneyoulike?

you weren’t exactly sure.

he doesn't answer during the walk to the main road, nor the ride back to your home, the only constant thing being the way he admires your profile in the taxi, shrugging when you counter with a playful "what?". 

"nothing," haechan grins.

[there are more days to come]

sure, day forty-one may not have been the day you fell in love with haechan, nor the day where he outwardly claims you as his lover.

but, taking it slow never hurt anyone, either.

you know it in the way he tells you he can't go in unless he's invited and you see it in the way he asks if he can switch the television on while you prepare some drinks.

like the hotel, you know it in the way he asks if he can kiss you and the way he deepens his kisses with caution.

you appreciate it in the way he quickly apologises for a personal question, while visibly relaxing as you brush it off with a smile.

with hours pass, day forty-two becomes day forty-three, and haechan remains as chivalrous as always.

days pass, and you submit your articles. weeks pass, and you get to know the boy more and more. months pass, and you feel his love in the way he plays with your fingers in the dark and pulls you close under the sheets.

even if you hadn't acknowledged the love between the two of you, that note you wrote half-drunk matched the way you felt now—with how your heart clenches up and with how your grin never leaves your face with haechan around.

there are more days to come with lee haechan, lee donghyuck, even if it meant getting stuck together in a hotel room with unsaid words.

[exploding-carrots]

I’ve been wanting to draw or write out my ‘future’ Bottom ideas for a while but haven’t gotten around to it. So here’s a long post of some head canons and a general story line of them vaguely developing as people at some point set after the live shows. If anything this is just sort of my personal AU for the characters getting together. Mostly focused on the progression of Richie and Eddies relationship and my thoughts on both of them being trans

- They’re both trans, (a lot of Ades characters give me trans dudes vibes but that is 70% me wanting to time travel and body swap w the man) Eddie is a bi trans dude (who medically transitioned young, but is not necessarily out as either) and Richie is a closeted/repressed bi trans woman who begins to come to terms w it during the whole island era

- Richie is also intersex, which while yeah is sort of canon in a mean way, is sort of important to me for the character 🤭 However she is not aware of the fact

- Eddie is dyslexic and has ADHD which both contribute to him struggling on and off (which was really just a gag they went with when funny) with reading/writing depending on how well he can focus on it at any given time (example: the Edies Bra sign vs the grave stone). I am not even going to attempt to say what is going on w Richie but the woman is a mess of unresolved issues and trauma complications

- After everything they go through in the live shows they do somehow make it back to the flat which is unexplainably the exact way they left it.

- Every single joke about Richie going off and fucking dudes from the live show is taken as fact. It is the most poorly kept secret amongst the cast. They literally do not talk about it unless Eddie is trying to make a point or piss off Richie

- Eventually Eddie IS trying to piss off Richie and does bring up everything about her sex life and the clothes, and... well everything else. After a ridiculous fight it somehow turns into an almost semi-serious conversation. Eddie makes the assumption that Richie is gay and Richie counters with the fact that she is genuinely interested in women but it’s a hell of a lot easier to get attention from specific types of men. Gets some wheels turning in both of their heads

- Personality wise they never really calm down, but they do start to slow down a little bit as it takes them longer and longer to recover from their fights. Obviously there is still the odd dart to the forehead or gentle push down the stairs but the ridiculous games and completions they make up take center stage

- they get weed at some point (Dave Hedgehog and Spudgun seems like a feasible source, because let’s be honest if Richie and Eddie tried to buy weed it would not work) that leads to all sorts of embarrassment because Eddie gets crossfaded as all get out and starts hitting on Richie. Which while having a precedent in their history (I mean, the first episode gives us that right away) takes on a new sort of meaning once the concept of bisexuality has been rolling around in their heads. Nothing particularly saucy happens at this point Bc they are high, drunk, and old but all of the actual acknowledgement of feelings start to really develop after this point

- in an attempt to do something with her time Richie picks up sewing and picks up where she left off with the wrap skirt and rubber underwear she made on the island. Starts to really develop the little wardrobe she wears when she’s alone. It’s a mix of the same awful button up shirts she always wears and some dresses and skirts along with a couple pairs of sexier (for Richie at least) under garments

- eventually Eddie comes home while Richie is still in her feminine clothing. Eddies Reaction is different from the first time he saw her dressed up that way since now there is a precedent. Eddies approach is much more “playful teasing” and fake surprise than it was previously.

- Slowly Richie starts dressing up around the flat more and more often as opposed to just when alone. Eddie ramps up with the pet names and husband/house wife dynamic they already had going on.

- THE MOMENT is when Eddie is leaving the flat to go to the bar and there is an ‘accidental’ kiss on the cheek along with his usual good byes. Eddie realizes what has happened immediately and bolts before Richie can say anything. Richie has a moment of “teehee that was nice” still in her little fucking house wife head space before it catches up w her.

- Richie panics, paces around the flat, gets changed like 8 times, cooks dinner, throws it away, takes it out of the trash, paces more, breaks like 8 things, and essentially just fluctuates between “Ooo Eddie fancies me” to “oh fuck the bastard is making fun of me again” to “it was an accident and Eddie is going to make it into a fight” back to “ooo Eddie fancies Me~”

- eventually Eddie comes home, pissed to hell and back way later than he’d normally come home. Richies passed out on the couch. Eddie wakes her up by pushing her over on the couch so he can sit. Eddie says something along the lines of “I’m fucking drunk so I’m only going to say this one” before saying some incomprehensible drunken rambling and pulling Richie into an awkward full kiss. It’s a nice moment for maybe about 5 seconds before he stands up again, pulls a pint out of his jacket, chugs it and says something about drunkenly passing out before doing just that across the coffee table.

- Richie just sort of gawks at Eddie sleeping across the table before giddily tossing a blanket over him and heading off to actually go to bed.

- relationship wise this really just sort of introduces a sexual/physical dynamic to their relation while ramping up their camp version of domestic life

- it’s Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog who actually say something to Eddie about it. They’ve always been in on the “oh look, it’s Eddies terrifying wife” thing. Probably only actually say something about it after the 2nd or 3rd actual display of physical affection they witness. It’s more of one of them asking Eddie if Richie really is his wife (in that half aware sort of way they observe things). This alone doesn’t change much, but it does takes a lot to get through to any of these repressed bastards

- Richie grows accustomed to the more feminine/soft pet names that Eddie uses for her. At one point Eddie uses more traditionally masculine terms which sets off “oh actually I am not a fan of that” in Richies head and leads her to asking Eddie to not refer to her that way. Leads to an awkward half coming out on Richies part. Eddie does genuinely switch up how he refers to Richie at this point and her gender just sort of becomes an silent fact that they both respect. Everyone else sort of knows them as those weirdos who have some sort of common law marriage going on and it’s not really questioned. This is the point where Richie starts to earnestly medically transition without really saying to much about, canonically she has been on estrogen pills before (even if it was a ‘mistake’)

- End game is essentially just them being casual about their identities and relationships in a unspoken sort of “well that’s just how it is” way that naturally sort of bleeds into a the other aspects of their lives.

- Additional note on Eddie being trans: Richie is already vaguely aware of this fact Bc obviously they’ve been seen what the other is working with at one point or another but the fact that she is unaware that she herself is intersex and has a skewed sort of idea about genitals and peoples bodies Richie genuinely does not think about it all too much. Eddie assumes that she knows, especially as they get older and casually refers to being trans (in my mind probably during the entire “Edwina” disguise thing. I imagine Eddie wearing the dress came down to the clothing size and some off hand comment about him “having experience”, which is total shit Bc even before he transitioned Eddie never presented that way). That’s probably around the point that things start to click in Richies head about Eddies identity and she starts comparing and contrasting Eddie to other ppl and such.

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.

[sobdasha]

i’ve been rereading a lot of my favorite stuff for months now

since I'm lacking in spoons for library trips

And when I was cottoning on to the fact that I have, in fact, been autistic all along, one of the things I realized is that the connecting thread between the kinds of stories and kinds of characters that I like is in fact that they display autistic or autistic-adjacent traits. I had realized this, come up with a lot of examples. I knew this.

Haha yeah as I'm actually rereading the things the evidence is damning that I did not come even close to understanding the full depth of it.

~ Taucris Ithesta is Autistic and Other Adjacent Things re: Leckie's Novels ~

Actually let's start with The Raven Tower because you can't actually argue with me about autistic Siat.

Siat actively avoids eye contact, is """shy""", speaks too softly, has an excellent grasp of humor, likes rocks as a special interest, likes to collect rocks, likes to sort rocks, likes to line up rocks, has one (1) bff to conduct social interactions for her, notices patterns, is good at learning, and is considered disabled by society's standards.

Ughhhhh all that talk about rocks makes me sad all over again that I pitched my rock collection when I moved out (I saved the best fossils, though).

(ETA: I have since bought more rocks because polished gemstones with carvings on them make for great stims, I am very pleased with me)

Okay so now that that's been established, let's talk about Strength and Patience of the Hill.

Because this rock gets me. Originally I figured it was probably, y'know, like with Ancillary Justice Leckie's given me an ace-aro main character and I can identify with that as an ace-aro. But unlike Breq, who very much loves people and wants to take care of them and found family etc, Strength and Patience of the Hill doesn't give much of a shit about people. With some exceptions of people that are it's people, how dare you mess with them, Strength and Patience of the Hill will kick your ass. Although even then I'm not sure Strength and Patience is all that great at taking care of people. Also Strength and Patience of the Hill is very much absorbed in its own selfishness, very much consumed with his own internal world, and I am also a jerk like that so it was very relatable.

(Yes I am using multiple pronouns because one of my many favorite parts of the book signing was watching everyone scramble over pronouns for a rock because "It never came up so I never figured it out" and I'm pretty sure Strength and Patience doesn't even use pronouns because why would you need a gendered pronoun to refer to yourself??? You don't even need a name to refer to yourself, actually I'm pretty sure Strength and Patience doesn't actually consider itself to have a name.)

So it made sense that this rock just really gets me. I know it's bad when the majority of representation for ace-aro characters is stereotypical robots or rocks or aliens (oooh or sentient space rocks wait wAIT now that I've said that I've just realized the Myriad is the definition of a Crystal Gem, pffft) or whatever but honestly I don't care because I just really identify with the robots??? So I really liked it, YMMV.

(It's probably also bad if the trend for autistically-coded characters is just stereotypical robots or rocks or aliens or whatever too but like honestly a big autistic #mood is feeling like you are a robot or an alien or whatever so maybe that's why I'm not offended???)

My point being that Strength and Patience of the Hill displays a lot of autistic traits and is therefore very relatable, in this Ted Talk I will.

Strength and Patience of the Hill processes things slowly. She will come up with the perfect retort and tell you 5 years later with absolutely no context.

It loves daydreaming, staring at things, noticing patterns, and enjoying quiet and solitude. It loves thinking about why things are the way they are. Look I have fantasized about what if I could exist as just a pair of eyeballs and a mind floating around in space, observing things, thinking things, and not having to actually interact with the world, and I'm pretty sure this rock is living that life. (Until y'know it gets told life doesn't work like that.)

Despite his slow processing speed, and taking a while to learn language, Strength and Patience of the Hill is good at learning things, and I feel like it's the kind of sort-of-sideways, context-based accumulation of knowledge that I learn through as well.

Strength and Patience of the Hill has one (1) friend, and through the Myriad it benefits from the fact that the Myriad has an actual social circle, without having to put forth any effort of maintaining friends on its own, which is 100% the way to do it.

Strength and Patience of the Hill tends to attract the other "quirky" kids--that is, my impression is that the people who become his priests tend to be those people who look at the world a little differently, those people on the fringes. Trans people, autistic people, people with other disabilities.

Strength and Patience of the Hill trying to explain the state of affairs in Vastai to Eolo: "Okay so my first memory I can recall is…" No, okay, no, I know, it's just literally how the narrative has to be told, I'm not criticizing, but that doesn't make it any less reminiscent of "autistic person trying to explain a simple thing but starts in with 10 pages of context first to ensure the over-explanation makes sense" (haha that's why I consistently got stuck training endless new hires, I'm literally so bad at it that I'm the best in the department and I hate life).

Difficulty understanding other's feelings/points of view/circumstances (I know it's because he's a rock and a god but that doesn't make it any less relatable), hmmm what else…

Oh right, a typical interaction with Strength and Patience of the Hill:

Person: (gives offering) Strength and Patience: (offering is accepted because the transaction literally occurred, no need to respond) Person: "(asks petition)" Strength and Patience: ... Strength and Patience: wait Strength and Patience: what Strength and Patience: wait was I supposed to do something else Strength and Patience: did you ask something of me? Strength and Patience: I don't understand what you asked????? Strength and Patience: it's been an entire year now it's too awkward Strength and Patience: i'm sure it's. Fine. Strength and Patience: It's fine. (rinse and repeat)

Like I said, this rock gets me.

(Haha I was reading through my notes from the book signing and I found "Strength + Patience doesn't give a shit about balance, Strength + Patience is just selfish, which it manifests as apathy, which is why this rock gets me. All of my best interpersonal traits also spring from not giving a fuck and waiting ppl to go away faster lol" and why is that, oh because ~I'm~ ~autistic~ pfffft)

I started this post a while ago and this was as far as I got and I don't remember if I had more??? Time to talk about Taucris probably!!!

(I'm skipping Ancillary Justice etc for now because I do want to make a post about that but like there's just. So much. In those books. It's masking all the way down. So it can be its own post. One day.)

Because I waited so long I forgot what I was going to write so I'll just grab the book and flip through and comment as I see things.

To start off with: Taucris and adulthood. I've seen other people pick up primarily on the gender aspect of it--that Taucris waited until almost 25 to take her adult name because she she never figured out what her gender was (non- uhhhhhh what's the word for binary when it's three and not two? Non-tri-something Taucris in a society with 3 options but all 3 options are gendered? I'll go with that.) What really resonated for me was that Taucris waited until almost 25 to take her adult name because she never felt like an adult. And I get that ~everyone feels that way~ but I feel like it's Different for Taucris in the same way it's Different for me. Anyway I feel like no matter which aspect you choose, it's probably an autistic vibe.

Also Taucris seems to have a bit of a flat affect? She seems very serious (both in body language and in speech), and kind of intense sometimes when she talks, and Ingray notes how Taucris usually doesn't smile (she smiles with Ingray because Ingray makes her comfortable) and has always been """shy""".

Also Taucris...talks strangely? I am not sure exactly how to explain it. It's not written badly or anything, it's...you know how sometimes you suddenly sit back and look at dialogue and go no one speaks like this and it throws you out of the story because you dropped your suspension of disbelief? Taucris kind of gives me that feeling, and only Taucris. Almost like her speech is a little bit stilted? Awkward? She's very serious and matter of fact and says things like "You've always been so kind to me" with a straight face. But it doesn't feel like a """bad writing""" (quotation marks for subjectivity) thing. But I notice it every time I read her dialogue… I think it's just that Taucris is autistic and awkward and that's how she speaks. Also I think she's adorable.

Police work is Taucris' special interest. So much so that that's the entire reason she became an adult, so she could engage in her special interest better. She's ~weird~ for her single-minded interest and her interest in a job below her ~status~ and she doesn't care, she set her heart on this anyway, volunteering and interning so on.

Oh that was something else I was going to talk about--Taucris mentions feeling like she doesn't have her shit together, not like Ingray (who also doesn't feel she has her shit together. Kind of like "no one really feels like an adult). But Taucris seems quite calm and capable in Planetary Security. I don't know if this is just masking, but...I really hope that she does feel that way in her job. That because it's her special interest, that helps balance out the stress of being alive and simultaneously employed full-time. That because she's been volunteering and interning here so long, she's been familiar with the office and it wasn't a stressful transition. That she acts confident because she feels competent and respected. Taucris may look calm and cool and collected on the outside and be screaming on the inside but I hope she actually feels pretty good on the inside too.

I would also like to say that I like Taucris' nother. Despite what Danach implies, I get the picture from Taucris that e is supportive of Taucris' personality and interests even when e doesn't get it. E indulged her interest in police work, e didn't understand why Taucris wasn't taking an adult name but tried to be patient about it...so I assume that also means that e was understanding of all of Taucris quirks and stims and particularities. E's been a good support system while Taucris' peers have not.

(Except for Ingray, Taucris' one (1) friend.)

I like Taucris' relationship with Deputy Chief Veret too--the way Taucris quietly manages breakfast so e doesn't have to think about it or be put out (this is The Love Language to me, not being inconvenienced, and I feel that this is part of my personality because my personality is autistic, so). I don't know why specifically Taucris does this, but all the reasons I could come up with feel very wholesome. Taucris respects Veret as her boss and as a person. Taucris is empathetic and thoughtful (she doesn't like Danach but she tries to consider and understand where he's coming from; Taucris isn't Hatli but she considers Veret's fasting etc to be valid rather than a choice of superstition). Taucris' situation is different but she knows that it doesn't feel good to be treated as weird, to be sneered at because you don't act the way people expect you to. Taucris, being autistic, maybe has a lot of experience with "perfectly good foods" she won't eat. Taucris strikes me as someone who observes quietly, and considers carefully, and maybe takes a long time to make up her mind but when she moves it's deliberately and not carelessly. Which is, to me, a masking trait.

In the quantum version of this post I was going to write everything so polished and lay out my points so nicely but clearly that didn't happen and I don't know where to end this and I'm sure I didn't even explain things that well so I'll just say, I feel it was very autistic of Taucris in the last chapter to just be like "well IDK what you want from me and rather than expending massive effort trying to suss it out and guessing wrong I'll just be direct: I know you can't talk about what happened so I won't ask you about what happened unless you want me to ask you about what happened in which case you should say so and I will ask but I think maybe you just need to watch a movie with me instead."