#i used instagram and it's a soul crushing experience getting my 2 likes here and there but i;m not sure an obscure zine site would help

[wild-at-mind]

I wish I could be a weird queer zine artist :/

[sparklespectres]

Prediction for Agony of a Witch (maybe?):

Okay so I had like a mini prediction thingy for Agony of a Witch that wasn’t like serious or anything at first like I was just like thinking about stuff because people were talking about Amity not being in the episode but:

What if Amity doesn’t go on the field trip with everyone else because of the broken leg, but stays at the school and when everyone gets back and Luz (and Willow and Gus maybe?) aren’t there she had to be the one to go to Eda and be like “Hey, they’re missing??” I figure it’s either that or Eda’s *Luz is in trouble* senses will just go off on their own, but I would just like to see more interaction between them. (For added angst, when she gets to the owl house, Eda’s curse is in like full effect)

Another possibility has just come to my mind as a result of the end of WiLW. The whole Amity, Willow, and Gus just coming to the owl house to hang out thing seems like it’s going to be more common in the future, and I think that was done for two big reasons (among many other smaller ones): 1. So that there can be more interaction between Luz’s Hexside friends and her Owl House friends so that it doesn’t feel like one group or the other is just getting pushed to the side all the time. 2. To give Amity another safe space (like her hideout in the library, but the owl house has friends and isn’t closed at certain times). So maybe, in next week’s episode, she doesn’t go to school at all because she knows she can’t go on the field trip, and that no one would be at Hexside anyways. She decides to just stay home, but doesn’t want to deal with her parents (because they’re mad at her for going against her “friends” in grudgby or for some other random reason) so she decides to go to the owl house because, even if Luz isn’t there, it beats staying at Blight Manor with them.

She gets to the owl house, and Eda is the only person there (I’m pretty sure King is going to go with Luz? I feel like I saw promo images that had Lillith holding King and Luz going to attack her, and although that could be from Young Blood, Old Souls, I think the two episodes are going to flow into each other, but correct me if I’m wrong). After a few minutes of either awkward silence or mindless banter Amity mentions her sadness about not being able to go on the field trip, maybe saying something about how it would’ve upped her chances of getting into the emperor’s coven. Eda, being like she is, expresses her disdain for the EC and for the coven system in general, which causes the two of them to get into a fight. Eda starts to say something about how annoying it is that Lillith has been chasing her down and trying to get her to join, which Amity reacts to by questioning why Eda would ever give up that opportunity (or something to that effect). This leads into Eda talking about what she can remember of her past. We know that at one point she did want to be in the EC, and I think that we’re going to find out more about what changed/what they did to make her feel the way she does now (I think it’s deeper than just “I want to do all of the types of magic but not have to enforce other people on their use of magic”, whether it’s just a more detailed explanation of that or some specific event happened to change her mind.), and we might find out a little bit of how that ties in to the curse. From that point, Eda and Amity finish talking, and they realize that Luz probably should have been back at this point, which starts the plot of the finale.

(Alternatively, when Amity gets to TOH Eda is in her cursed form and Amity has to help her (maybe hooty or Owlbert helps her find the elixir and she manages to get it to work) and then as a result bc Amity is confused and stuff that’s how Eda starts explaining stuff.)

This makes a lot of sense for Eda. The only two possible ways I can think of Eda’s backstory being revealed are her telling someone else about what she remembers of it, or it being totally in flashbacks (but flashbacks might not fit well with the episode and make it flow strangely, depending on how they’re done). One more possibility is that we find out stuff from Lillith, but who knows. I couldn’t see her telling stuff about her past to anyone, let alone just one of Luz’s friends, but if it was in the heat of the moment during an arguement, I could definitely see it happening. I don’t think we’re going to get every little detail (if my memory serves me correctly, Eda has had trouble with her memory, so it’d be hard for her to tell her whole backstory, but I think she does remember parts.)

It also makes a lot of sense in terms of Amity’s character arc. Although her feelings for Luz are adorable, and Luz is definitely helping her to change for the better, her influence can only go so far. Amity has probably been being conditioned by her parents to want to join the EC for as long as she’s been able to understand the words that they were saying to her, and a crush is not going to make that all go away immediately, as much as some of us may want it to. But hearing Eda’s experiences and opinions that show the cracks in the perfect image that the EC is trying to portray might guide her more in that direction. We don’t know if Amity is going to be going against the emperor any time soon, but it’s a possibility if something like this happened. Especially if immediately after that talk that she may (or may not ) have with Eda, she has to go help Luz escape being kidnapped or just generally help her fight against the EC, which would be the final push. Whether or not this specific prediction ends up being true in any way, I think that Eda is definitely going to play a role in Amity’s eventual realization that the EC isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Although it may be easy to recognize the similarities between Amity and Lillith or Eda and Luz, Amity and Eda also have many similarities, and I think there’s a reason for that.

Maybe I just really want Amity to be in the episode and am just coming up with random ways for that to happen, but doesn’t it make sense for her to be? At this point, the main cast has been established to be Luz, Eda, King, Willow, Gus, and Amity (+Hooty and Owlbert if I’m being nice), and we know that all of the others are probably going to be in the next episode (or Young Blood, Old Souls, but like I said earlier I think they’re going to go together, so I’m kind of imagining them as one mega-episode), so why would Amity be the only one left out during the finale? It just doesn’t make sense with how present she’s been in season 1b leading up to this, how WiLW was kind of her final push over to the good side, and especially how connected she is to the EC and Lillith. It would just be weird to keep her out (unless they’re saving that for next season and are just trying to avoid it for now).

I could be totally wrong as well! We don’t have that many promo images and a lot of people think that Eda’s curse is going to be in full effect in Agony of a Witch (the title of the episode kind of alludes to that), so Amity could totally just not be in the episode, or she could be with Luz and co.! (I do find the fact that they broke her leg right before the finale suspicious though.)

I just want to put a little disclaimer here: This is my first time writing a big prediction like this since my svtfoe days (the last time I did something was probably like a year and a half ago, and anything I ever did then was just as a caption on Instagram), and I didn’t really expect this to be as long as it is, so if the formatting of this post sucks, that’s why. Also, I know most people won’t do this, but if you’re tempted to reply to this by saying something like “I think you’re looking too far into it,” or “that doesn’t really make sense,” or anything else like that, please don’t. Trust me, I know! Over analyzing stuff and coming up with predictions that may not be close to canon, but could still be interesting, is fun for me, and I think reading them is fun for a lot of people, and I am in no way trying to make it seem like this is what is going to happen. Also, I put anything that was in parentheses in different colors to break it up because it can be confusing and I use them way too much lol.

[wxlfstxrx]

Hi, Rae. I'm sorry to disturb you, but I need to take this off my chest and you seem kind enough to help me deal with this. I know this is going to be a long ask, so I'm sorry in advance. It's been a few years since I started questioning. Actually, the more I go on the more I like the word bisexual, but since I've never had a relationship before, I sort of don't feel entitled to label myself as anything? (1/2)

hey anon, thank you for confiding in me. you’re not a bother at all! i’m honoured that you trust me enough to speak to me. i can imagine how hard it must be for you rn, and i’m sorry you feel this way. you shouldn’t have to, really. first of all, i wanna say two things:

1. just because you’ve never been in a relationship before doesn’t mean that you’re not entitled to/worthy of a label.

more on the label thing later, but your sexuality is not defined by your experience, either with relationships or with sex. you can have no experience but know you’re bisexual, or any other sexuality for that matter, and that’s okay. i didn’t have any experience back then when i realised i was bi. not any proper relationship experience anyway. it’s fine if you’re like me (or rather, like me in 2016 lmao lots have happened since then akfjflsdjfls). it doesn’t invalidate your own understanding of yourself and who you are and what you identify as.

2. sexuality is not a destination, it’s a journey. (or whatever the exact phrase is. i can’t remember exactly.)

i used to think i was straight (HAH! as if i could ever be. wonder woman was my bi awakening at the age of 9 without me even realising). i dated guys periodically and i was obsessed over het ships back then (dramione, yes, i know, percabeth, clace, you name it) and for the fucking longest time (9 years) i thought that my interest in women was just, yknow, those things that people call “girl crushes”, and not actual crushes. and then in 2016 i realised i was bi when a good friend of mine (hey, if you ever read this!! 👋🏻) asked me about it point blank, and i was just like, oh. hahaha dskfjskfjs good ol’ days.

anyway, it’s normal to feel unsure and nervous about matters as important as sexuality, because it’s a big part of who you are. i get it. i get the insecurities about not knowing what to call yourself, i get the insecurities about not knowing whether people will like you for who you are, and i get the insecurities about not knowing whether i’ll ever find a place in this community.

but honestly, sexuality changes, and that’s okay. that’s valid. nobody should tell you otherwise. i thought i was straight, turns out i’m bi. recently realised i have certain more guyish tendencies too, but i wouldn’t really consider myself as nonbinary because i do feel comfortable being a girl (some aspects less than others lol) and i do feel comfortable being addressed as such. but i have friends who decide somewhere along the way that they’re more comfortable identifying as nb, and that’s perfectly fine. or i also have friends who came out as bisexual, and then decided they were pansexual. also perfectly fine.

there’s no final destination to your sexuality. it’s a continuous journey and process of self discovery, and i know it can be hard because there’s so much censorship and hate in the world, and honestly the queer community does NOT have enough support or resources for people who are still trying to figure themselves out. but i assure you, 100%, that you deserve love, even though you’re not currently sure about what you identify as. baseline is, be who you want to be and love who you want to love. this is your life, and these are your feelings and experiences, and nobody can take that away from you. fuck the haters who try to dictate what you’re allowed to feel and do, because they’re wankers.

if a girl you’re interested in cannot accept you because you’re not sure about what you identify as, then she’s not the right person for you, t b v h. if anyone dares give you shit for not being sure, tell me. i’ll fight them.

on another note, don’t rush yourself into making a decision on what you want to identify as, or if you want to at all (if you don’t ever want to, that’s fine, that’s your choice). like i said, it took me 9 years to even realise it, and i honestly accepted it immediately, but people out there do live in denial for a couple more years, and that’s okay. take your time, sweetie. it’s not a race, and there’s no deadline. do whatever you’re comfortable with, and take it day by day.

sorry for the long reply i got carried away LMAO. but you got this, hun ❤️ lots of love for you. i’m always here if you need to talk! i’ve officially sold my soul to tumblr hahaha instagram is flipping shit sdkskdkd

[jlf23tumble]

My 1D-related fic faves of 2019

I've read a TON of great fic this year in all kinds of fandoms, Jeeeeeeeeeesus, there are so many talented writers out there, but I won't list it all here (or even list everything I bookmarked this year). Instead, I'm gonna stick with 1D-related works released in 2019 that pulled me in hard and made me stare at the wall and/or read again and/or scream about with other people, and I'll try to do it in cutesie number order because WHY NOT make it that extra level of arbitrary, lmao. I love fanfic because no matter what fandom I'm dipping in, something new is gonna jump up and kill me (this year in particular, I've subscribed to a lot of "new to me" writers that I LOVE, and I hope you know who you are [do you know who you are, etc.]). Thank you for the free gifts, for your time, for your blood, sweat, and tears! I owe you hugs, coffee, and my undying love, gratitude, and support! I'll put my list under the cut to avoid some v. v. real screen scroll rage--happy new year, y'all!

2 lactation kink fics

(aka the Jaerie category, nobody else is out there writing this even as Harry's tits get bigger and milkier and why am I the only one fully appreciating all of it?????)

I Think You're Already Home, by jaerie, Seeing Louis Tomlinson today, it would be hard to guess that he was ever once a member of the world's most famous boyband. These days he doesn't even the leave his own house. The truth is he can't leave his own house. (a December gift to remember for all of us! a/b/o dynamics, famous Louis, omega Harry--which is practically canon at this point--crippling agoraphobia, lactation-related sexiness, I would read at least ten (10) more chapters of this)

freaks from the internet, by jaerie. Harry sells his breast milk to freaks on the internet. Louis turns out to be one of those freaks. He also happens to be Harry's ex. (I legit can't believe this came out this year, I rec it all the time! it was anon for forever, and I was low-key obsessed because I just wanted mawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr of it, and I got it, thank CHRIST)

3 fics for meeeeeeee

(These works were gifts to me, and I am so truly hashtag blessed to receive!!!)

I Just Wanna Taste It, by @homosociallyyours​. In his mind it's watermelon and sticky strawberry sweet, and he craves the feeling of his own round, firm belly warm under his hands on a summer evening. (Megan loves to kill me with Harry mpreg imaginings, and this one feels like canon to me!)

Powerless (and I Don't Care It's Obvious), by objectlesson/ @alienfuckeronmain​. He should not be getting turned on by Harry’s full-bladder discomfort, his little twitches, his hips-stuttering. And yet. (AND YET!!! I don't even know where to start with how much I love Phoenix, what a treasure her work is in ANY fandom, how shitty this particular fandom has been to her, how much I'm gonna miss harry/louis fic gifts from her in the future, how HOT this pee kink fic is in general, dot dot dot)

Tuxedo Classic Dance Party, by Blake/ @newleafover​. Instead of flying out to meet his touring boyfriend in Madrid, Louis sticks around to be responsible and do things like dance at Lady Gaga night at the gay cowboy club in West Hollywood. (Blake has written at least five fics in various fandoms that I would say are my favorite fics of all time, but they really topped themselves with this one!)

4 fic series

(I feel like there are probably loads more that qualify, but these ones grabbed me in their own particular way)

Not That Gone, by abrighteryellow/ @a-brighter-yellow​. Louis’s 20-year high school reunion takes a turn when a celebrity classmate – who also happens to be Louis’s long unrequited crush – unexpectedly shows up. (this was inspired by Chris Evans, and both parts stand on their own, tbh)

Maybe I Miss You, by 13ways. Louis is on his way back to London after the Hits Live Birmingham concert. Harry is flying to New York for the Met Gala. They connect. (from the very first story in this series, I was HOOKED, canon angst that builds up to something truly wonderful)

There's something I want to try..., by TheMagicWord. Harry wants to try something. Louis's not convinced. Until he is. (the installments are super short, super hot)

One More Time Again, by orphan_account. On the morning of his second sold-out performance at Madison Square Garden, Harry wakes up to find that he's sixteen years old, on The X Factor, and that he has a chance to make things right. (I'm sad that this author orphaned, but I seem to recall her getting a TON of shit, which is unfortunate because this is a great read, and part two is an imagining where Louis goes back instead)

5 fics featuring holidays

(These ones are basically from Christmas and Halloween of this year, so quite recent!!)

once bitten and twice shy, by @pinkcords​. In a rush of bravery only senior year can bring, Harry confesses his feelings in a letter to his neighbor and best friend, Louis, only for the entire school to hear it and laugh him out of their small town in Wisconsin. (the notes on this one blew me away: first-time author, pinch-hitting for a fest, and damn, a knock out)

you've set my soul to dreaming, by we_are_the_same. Thirty-year-old Harry Styles goes to bed single on Christmas Eve, only to wake up on Christmas morning with a husband in his bed and a son down the hall. (I'm not always into this trope, but when it's done well? NICE, and this one did it well)

when half spent was the night, by @juliusschmidt​. I’ve skimmed your website and am interested in hiring you to be my doula. I’m 7 ½ months pregnant and not keen to do this whole labor and birth thing alone. After looking around, I thought you might be a good fit. (girl direction advent fic with pregnant Louis that’s incredibly well done, especially given how short it is, I was so sad to see it end, but the author says something about act II coming??? YES!!!)

Fictober 2019 Collection, by flowercrownfemme/ @lesbianiconharrystyles​. Features lots of monsters and creatures and Harry Styles being a general nightmare as well as a few Girl Direction drabbles and a timestamp for Fool For You and one for Treat Mothman With Kindness. (Chloe's Halloween drabbles, each of which could outrival other stories 4x the length...she's a GIFT)

Cat & Mouse, by jaerie. It's the one day out of the year that Harry doesn't have to hide and can be himself — at least he thought so. Louis is just a little more observant than he anticipated. (I'm not a big hybrid fic fan, BUT GOD THIS STORY IS SO GOOD, it's so short I wanna cry, but so good!!!)

6 a/b/o fics

(I can handle "traditional" a/b/o if it gives me my dose of omega Harry, but I absolutely adore "untraditional" a/b/o, you know, where it actually is NOT about straight dynamics being put on a m/m or f/f couple (excuse me, a/a or o/o)...these ones NAIL IT, as did the entire gaybo ficfest)

violence of my own touch, by 14hrflight/ @silverfoxlouis​. Louis hasn’t said anything, but Harry knows something is wrong. Harry’s rut had ended a few days ago, and Louis had kept him under as best as he could. (whenever I read Chi's alpha/alpha fics, I find myself internally screaming "CHI!!!" god, do they Get It, and I really hope they continue this one!)

Amor Victorious, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals​. Louis finds himself following Harry on a journey through Italy, complete with long train rides, greasy food, naked Christs, and too many lingering touches. They're definitely not like other tourists and he definitely doesn't have a crush on his best friend who happens to be an alpha, too. (this one came out during Thanksgiving week, so I held it to savor, and BOY, DID I SAVOR, it's so incredible, the gorgeous writing, the visceral, indescribable feeling of reading it, sighhhhhhh)

do you know me by heart, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals​. Harry comes back wearing alphas' scents, a pleased smile and a lace dress. Somehow, Louis still ends up making him come until he cries. (for me personally, 2019 was the year of Nina: getting to know them, catching up on all their writing, falling in love with the way they can kill us all with beautiful angst and the hint and hope of redemption...here's a tissue, you'll need it!!)

the way that you're thrilling me, by @hereforlou​. Alphas were smelly and cocky and mostly arseholes, in Harry’s experience. Or at least they were at school. He didn’t understand how his friends—lovely, soft-skinned, sweet-smelling omegas—could actually want to touch them, or be touched by them. (this is just one of the many, MANY faves I had from the gaybo ficfest, A+ all around)

Constant Debauchery, by Blake/ @newleafover​. Harry is an alpha who loves getting his mouth knotted by other alphas. Louis is happy to serve. Fun smut! But also angst and sexual awakenings. (Blake knows how to sum up their writing, lol, but YEAH, me as at least one of the comments both public and private saying they'd want to read 100k more of this)

how many nights did I crash against the waves, by Blake/ @newleafover​ Louis is going into heat and Harry thinks it's hot. (the SKILL of writing something that's 1.7k, yet builds a complete--and v. v. hot--world)

7 fics with Harry and someone else

(I still have a few I need to read in this category--I'm getting there! But these are some from my fave authors that really had me pondering some walls [heh])

I Want Your Belly, by @glasscushion​. Harry wants Adam to knock him up. Inspired by on-stage thirst, the Instagram Stories Shirt, Watermelon Sugar, and Harry’s persistent baby fever. (Adam/Harry, mpreg kink of the finest order!!)

Rachel, Nevada, by @vondrostes​. Harry has a close sexual encounter of the fourth kind. (Jeff/Harry, Rachel/Harry, and I honestly can't even BEGIN to describe this, holy WOW)

Sea Salt, by @glasscushion​. Nick's drunk, and he can't avoid his feelings forever. Set in 2013 and 2019. (Nick/Harry, rip gryles...the grylers I know had an absolute field day in terms of angst, damn!)

all my lies are safe beside you now, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals​. They both know what it was like to love Louis Tomlinson fiercely, irrevocably, ghosts of it on their skin, even if the traces were etched in vastly different ways. (Zayn/Harry, and FOR REAL, this is a huge ouch)

call me anything you like, but my name is, by @wishforwishes​. Some conversations are better left forgotten, some conversations are worth remembering, and some conversations you never get the chance to have. Featuring three mentors, two tea parties, one and a half recording studios, and a reference to Archie comics. (Harry/CHASM, essentially; LISTEN, I am obsessed with this fic, you don't need to read part one to really Get It, but the bits with Zayn, and James/Ben, and all the parts with Harry working through gender? SO GODDAMNED REAL)

Come Out and Play, by @dinosaursmate​. Harry and Louis discover a new kink in their relationship, and it brings all the boys closer than they could have ever imagined. (ot5 orgy, so not really Harry with anyone so much as everyone with everyone, and let's call this one canon)

Like a Rolling Stone, by @vondrostes​. By the end of it, Nick realised his tea had gone cold in his hand. He’d barely taken a single sip in the hour-plus he’d been sat there, unmoving, transfixed by Harry’s songs—haunted by the knowledge of what had inspired them. (Nick/Harry, rip gryles)

8 canon fics

(This was a VERY hard category to narrow down, but yeah, a big push this year from "newer" writers = lots of nuanced fic)

Per Aspera, by @sedfierisentio​. Louis’s throat feels tight, his heart like a hammer in his chest. You know my rot, he thinks, and I know yours. I love you still. (these achingly beautiful time stamps are centered around taste, and if this fic has taught me anything, it's that buying an author a coffee has a ripple effect)

A Nullo Amato, by @sedfierisentio​. Inspired by Harry carrying books around outside LAX, a canon-compliant, Canon AU fic set between 2014 and 2015; mostly, timestamps roped together by a common theme—literature. (this was removed four years ago and reposted, so maybe it's a cheat??? i don't care, it was brand-new to me and a lot of other people, I'm so glad the author shared it again!)

no love like your love, by @dykes4louis​. A collection of tumblr drabbles. (Hima is REALLY burying the lede on this one because each of these is short and SCORCHING, her skill, check out her other works, too!)

Dancing in My Dreams, by @kingsofeverything​. Louis doesn't mean to imply that Harry's too old to dance for him, but Harry takes it that way, and sets out to prove him wrong. (this is one that *could* go in the series pile, but I love it as a standalone...feels like canon to me, regardless!)

Sonic Sounds, by @glasscushion​. "Harry takes a deep breath, suitably embarrassed, “I’m just really...” and he can’t say the obvious. He can’t just say "really wet." Or Harry loves feeling embarrassed. Louis is happy to help. (I'll never look at those One Direction electric toothbrushes quite the same way again)

Bruised Fruit, by @glasscushion. Louis is obsessed with the way Harry smells in the heat of LA. (hey, you know what, me, too, bitch, you ain't special...the way this fic SMELLS, my god, I"m obsessed)

be my once in a lifetime, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals. Just like there are only four other people who will ever understand what it’s like growing up in One Direction, there’s only one other person who knows what it’s like to find your soulmate just before you’re thrown into the spotlight and forced to acknowledge that the both of you have too many flaws and vices to make it through fame together. Or: It's all about having sex and being sad. And drunk. (can u believe Nina wrote this before Fine Line???)

in this dress, by cabinbythesea. Louis is so lost in his eyes and his words he feels if a step above heaven exists, it has to be Harry. Loosely inspired by Harry’s dress from the director’s cut of Lights Up. (I sure hope we see even more fic inspired by every bit of this album/every video it produces)

9 fics by Phoenix/ @alienfuckeronmain

(This fandom doesn't deserve her, and I hope everyone's reading her other works because they're all so amazing, she's such an incredibly gifted writer, my fave of faves, my life is so much brighter with her in it...I could rec her all goddamned day, and I do slash will!!! Here are nine she cranked out this year, each one a gem in its own way)

Silver White Winters. In which Louis catches a cloud and pins it down, aka, a Sound of Music AU (the shittiness in the comments underlines why we can't have nice things, but jesus CHRIST, this is so pure and good, and she cranked it out in, like, two hours)

I don't do that dance. Harry is easily the worst ballet dancer in her whole Intro to Ballet class. Except maybe Taylor Swift. (I adore how Phoenix writes girl Harry, but the way she writes Taylor? Unparalleled...nails her perfectly!)

magic, madness, heaven, sin, by @kerasines. It’s the flashing lights painting colors on her eyelids, it’s the drumming bass competing with her heartbeat. It’s the manic energy rippling through the crowd in waves, the deafening, frenzied passion filling the stadium that remind Eleanor that she actually used to like going to concerts. (technically, this one is FOR Phoenix, from Kim, but it takes a pairing that Phoenix is making her very own, so I'm counting it, lol)

Snakes and Stones. If you call a girl a snake enough, sometimes she becomes one. Her legs lengthen and fuse, her pupils shrink to slits. She gets colder and colder, until she has to spread herself on the warm cement beside the pool, soaking in heat, sipping gin and tonics to warm her blood so she does not turn to ice and shatter to bits. (god, I'm blanking on this ship name, but El/Taylor is such an inspired pairing, and I hope that P's drabbles make it over to ao3 in full)

Something good (will come from here). Taylor does not answer, because she is too busy licking her lips and pitching forward, as if Eleanor is the sky, or the sea. (you can practically SMELL this fic, El/Taylor drabble)

I Must Confess (I Still Believe). Harry is the new girl at an all girl Catholic Girl's School, and Louis is the unattainable, dashing senior who changes her forever. (this fic breaks my heart, the entire experience of its production and aftermath will forever be bittersweet, a gorgeous swansong)

Only One at the Finish Line. “I want to be another alpha’s omega,” is what he says, and it comes out like something reckless, something wild. Like he doesn't care anymore if Louis hates him or not, if Louis understands, he just needs to speak his truth aloud to darkness, to the slender pines that surround them like a jury panel. (Phoenix was the gaybo mod, and this was her contribution, and it is PERFECTION PERSONIFIED, fest goals)

The Pink Ghost of Princess Park. The thought of the vibrator does not go away. It’s sitting there collecting dust all through January, and every time Harry and Louis have to leave town for a press event or a show or to record or what have you, they come back home, and it’s still there, the Pink Ghost of Princess Park, the fucking glittery haunting that Harry cannot stop thinking of Louis stuffing up his arse. (a very good year in general for Princess Park clapbacks)

Life Saver. Louis is a sweetheart punk with a theater background and a heart of gold, Harry is an inexperienced nerd who plays by the rules. Classmates, lab partners, and eventually friends, what happens when Louis knows he’s in love, but doesn’t know how tell Harry? (this one came out a year ago tomorrow, and it had a tough birthing process, but it's so good, so hot, my love for virgin Harry gettin’ it on knows no bounds)

10 AU fics

(yes, yes, this could be LOADS longer, but I’m sticking to my theme!)

breathless for an eternity, by cabinbythesea. Harry conquers double duty on SNL and Louis wishes he was Nick Jonas. (dangggg, this came out too late for me to rec it along with my other snl-related fic, but it joins that lofty canon!)

Pretty Baby, by @littlelouishiccups. Louis helps Harry unwind after a busy week. (I was NOT expecting a new chapter in the iconic sugar baby Harry series, but HERE WE ARE)

into another (another) serotonin overflow, by @mercutionotromeo. Sweet first time sex wherein Harry's adorably awkward, Louis is achingly cool, and Harry rides Louis wearing his jersey. (this is one of my all-time fave fics, and I'm not sure what changed in it to get it reposted, but yeah, HERE FOR IT, THANK YOU!!!)

'Sup, by @mediawhorefics. All Louis wants is to finish the play he’s been commissioned to write, but one of the regulars at his local coffee shop keeps distracting him. ft. older larry, pushy gemma, harry being a disaster gay and silver fox louis. (this is so short but so tantalizing, GOD, DO I WANT MORE OF THIS UNIVERSE)

Tan Lines and Some Memories, by twoshipstiedup. Harry Styles is the indie movie darling he’d been avoiding ever since Louis saw his movie at Cannes and harbored an unreasonable grudge against him. A unicorn t-shirt finally brings them together in person. (I honestly thought we'd get more unicorn shirt fic, but this is a wonderful standard-bearer, banter city)

Bitter Tangerine, by purpledaisy/ @daisyharry. Nine months after they break up, a twist of fate brings Harry and Louis back together at Christmas. (so much ouch in this, but wow, do you feel like you're reading fully realized, realistic, growing characters)

We're Driving in Your Fast Car, by @sadaveniren. Harry felt himself light up - both with excitement and the thrill of getting what he wanted. “Really?” “Of course, anything for you." aka Louis and Harry are car thieves about to pull off a million dollar job. (another one I'd love to read more of...how did they get here, where are they going, etc.)

remember you well, by @fondleeds. Harry’s a criminal, Louis’ a cop, and they’re stranded overnight at the Motel 6. (what's with me and my love of heist/caper fics this year?)

Tied Down, by HamPalpert/ @ham-palpert. The most interesting case in Liam and Niall's careers falls directly into their laps, courtesy of an epic fuck-up of one Harry Styles, partner to the almost-infamous drug dealer Louis Tomlinson. The investigation yields an unexpected yet satisfactory outcome for Liam and Niall. For Harry and Louis, however, things are far more complicated. (SEE ABOVE, JESUS, I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC...ALL...THE.......TIME)

Harry Styles Cooks..., by sunsetmog. Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them. (yeah, it's a wip, yeah, I flatline every time it updates, what of it, I'm living my best life vicariously through it!!)

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Day 3 : Kiss - Ezio Auditore

“Come on, Kat, it’s gonna be fun, I promise!” Claudia whined, holding both of my hands, looking up at me with puppy eyes. “No, Claudia, it’s not gonna be fun. I don’t want to have a joint birthday party. I know your birthday is on January 2nd, and mine on the 3rd, but...But come on, I’m so used to people forgetting about my birthday, it’s not even fun anymore. I’m sure it’s just gonna be you who remembers, and the rest would just celebrate your birthday or something, so what’s the point?” I sigh, plopping on the bed, hanging my head in disappointment. “Hmm...Okay, how about this! Let’s make a party this weekend, now that December finally started and it was the 1st snow already? It’s just gonna be the two of us, Federico, Ezio and Petruccio, and my house. It’s family! And it’s gonna be okay to get drunk, nobody’s gonna judge, right? Federico and Ezio get drunk ALL the time and nobody bats an eye, and besides, Petruccio is finally 18 and he is legal to drink! So many great things happening this year!” the younger girl chirped in glee, making me groan and lay on the bed completely. “I don’t know what to say...Not my best year.” I smile sardonically, looking up at her. “Oh, fuck that, he was a shithead and you know it! Everybody knows it! He was nothing and WILL be nothing! You deserve a break from all this...This mess, okay? You deserve to be happy and have someone who loves you! And let me tell you, Ezio is head over heels with you! -...Wait...Shit, I shouldn’t have told you that...Urgh.” she facepalmed and started mildly panicking, before giggling awkwardly. “Ezio...The guy who sleeps around and stuff...? Who doesn’t flirt with me or shows even the smallest hint...? Likes me...? Spare me, Claudia. I know he’s your brother, but...Just because he’s your family, doesn’t make him right for me.” I shake my head, getting up, ready to leave the room, but she stops me. “Wait, no, don’t go, please! Look, this was supposed to be a secret, okay? Ezio has been into you since you started hanging out with me and I kept telling you how nice you are, showed him your Facebook and Instagram, would sometimes show him our snaps and so on...I overheard him asking Federico for advice 2 years ago. It’s just...He’s trying to learn more about you so you won’t dislike him, but he’s very shy about actually being himself around you. And he hasn’t been whoring around, actually. So, uhm...If you decide to come over...The party is this Saturday, bring sweets, please. I’ll make sure to make your favourite shots.” she explaiend before letting go of my arm, letting me go home, able to overthink all my life choices.

Should I go? I mean...Ezio IS a lovely person, or at least, that’s what I could see. But so were my Ex’s, at the beginning, and it was all a facade, making everything go down in the flames of hell.

Why must decisions be so complicated?

-----

I get over my shyness and go buy some cookies from the bakery and make my way over to the Auditore Villa, where I had to stay for about 5 minutes in front of the door to convince myself to go for it... So I put my hand on the handle and get in, being greeted by the beautiful smell of Italian cuisine, namely, Pizza.

I go in the kitchen slowly, feeling not very welcomed, but I see the Auditores drinking wine together waiting for the Pizza to get cooked.  They all looked so merry and cheerful together...What the hell was I even doing here, intruding in a family party? What an idiot...

I turned around to slowly make my presence unobserved, but that couldn’t happen because Ezio raised from the table in shock, saying my name a little louder than preferable, making everyone’s attention focus on me.

“Katrina, cara mia, what are you doing here?” Ezio asked, making his way to me. “Uhm...I brought cookies?” I said unsure of myself, looking away. “I asked her to come for our party! I bet you’re happy I did, right, guys?!” she grinned at us, but I could only shoot her a very poisonous glare. “Si, of course we are happy Kat is here! The room suddenly became much brighter!” Ezio cheered, bringing me to the table, letting me sit between me and Claudia. “Uh...Right...Whatever you say.” I mutter, putting the bag of cookies on the table and biting my lip at how awkward I felt, not exactly knowing what to say or do. “Aww, Kat, I’m so happy you are here! Hey, Federico, make the B52 shots, Kat is here so we can celebrate and do party games!” Claudia cheered, making me sweatdrop. “Food first, then alcohol. You’ll just end up sick and with a nasty hangover.” I shrug, trying to look out for her. “Experience?” Petruccio asked in a shy voice. “Yes. Others’ experience. Makes for a ton of entertaining material, if you ask me.” I chuckle softly, only able to gaze in Claudia’s direction. “And what great timing, the pizza’s ready!” Federico chuckled already putting the pizza on the table - One pizza for him, one for Claudia and Petruccio...And one for me and Ezio. Am I reading too much into it, or is there a conspiracy theory going on here? “Ezio did these. He’s the best at making pizza out of everyone here.” Claudia winked, making me roll my eyes in annoyance. “Sure, but I’m the best at Pasta, you can’t deny that.” Federico chuckled, making Ezio laugh.  “Well...Guess Claudia was right. You did a nice job with this.” I admitted in shock at how great it was, especially compared to the ones at pizzerias or restaurants. “100% Italian quality right here, baby!” he fist pumped, making me let out an amused breath. “Bring the shots! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!” Claudia chants, getting joined by Petruccio, while I looked at her with amusement, one of my eyebrows raised in confusion. “Someone’s rather enthusiastic to get drunk. But fine, be that way.”

We went to the living-room, on the carpet, waiting in a circle for Federico to come with the chocolate shots already so we can play our party games, which was basically Truth or Dare for the most part, but we were so lazy or tipsy from the high intake of alcohol (SOME of us) that we preferred to just play Truth or Truth, so we won’t have to get up.

It seems though that Claudia and Petruccio couldn’t hold their liqueur at all, so they became sick and had to go to the bathroom and puke, while Federico, despite being close to drunk himself, had to go take care of them, while I remained wobbly, humming to myself some random songs that came into my mind while cleaning up some of the mess that we made, only to notice that Ezio remained behind as well.

“What are you singing, bella?” he asked randomly, making me turn around at him in slight confusion. “Uh...Just some Christmas songs, I guess. My friends keep singing them, you hear them on the radio too...Kinda got them stuck in mind head, I s’ppose.” I shrug, looking away from him, busying myself as a way to not look rude. “May I ask you something, Kat?” Ezio asks, getting in front of me and resting his arm on the table, looking straight at me. “Uhm...What is it?” I mutter, feeling awkward as hell. “Have you been avoiding me? Have I done something that annoyed you so much that you act so cold with me?” he asked with the most serious, yet puppy looking face I’ve ever seen on him. “I-I didnt avoid you, okay? And if I did, I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.” I tried to reason with him, but he only shook his head and sighed. “I may be tipsy, but I’m not stupid, Kat. If something that I’m doing is bothering you, then I’d like you to tell me so I can stop, okay?” Ezio pressed the subject, making me rake my fingers through my hair. “Okay, fine, look...I will be straight with you, I guess. I’ve been pondering a lot of things this week and...My head hurts like hell because of it, I have to admit. Claudia invited me to this party just before she let it slip that you have a crush on me or something and since Monday I’ve been trying to sort out my feelings and judgement, and honestly, I don’t know what to say or do. So yeah, sorry for being cold and distant, it wasn’t on purpose or anything, I have nothing against you.” I bit my lip in annoyance, not really up for a heart-to-heart conversation with a person that makes my heart feel like it has a panic attack. “Claudia told me about what happened with those jerks in the past. I can only imagine how bad it would be for you and I can only imagine how bad it must have hurt you that it made you not believe in true love anymore. Before she told me about it, I wanted to try my chance and ask you out very soon, but what chance do I have with someone like you?” he chuckled as his cheeks got faintly pinker. “Uhm...Shouldn’t it be the other way around?” I snorted in mock-amusement, but it made him shake his head vehemently, gripping my shoulders. “You, cara mia, are an amazing person, okay? Beautiful, smart, talented, funny, kind? Literally so perfect? And I’m what? A guy with a pretty face, fabulous hair and a bad reputation.” he shrugged dramatically, making me stifle my laugh. “I don’t know, Ezio, the last guy told me he dated me out of pity. I’m not sure where my self-esteem lies anymore, you feel me?” I give him a self-deprecating half-smile, but it only caused his expression to change from dramatic to offended. “Oddio santo, if I ever see that guy, he’s dead. How dare he treat such a beautiful soul like that? If anything else, you were with him out of pity!” he spoke out, shaking his head. “To be fair...I never actually loved any of my ex’s. Is that sad? I don’t know. You think you like someone, but then you realise that you just made yourself like the person for the sake of a relationship and...When you get to the point when you just want to get the hell out of it, you realise that it was all for nothing. It’s pretty sad, y’know?” I confess, looking away, but from the corner of my eye I could see him nodding slightly. “I know I’m basically out of your league, but would you let me show you that true love exists? Would you allow me to help you believe in it again?” Ezio leans in closer to me, one of his hands on my face, caressing it gently, as I leaned into his touch by reflex, as he let out an amused, adoring breath. “I mean...What’s the worst thing that could happen anyways? It can’t get any worse than what I’ve already been through, so...Okay, Ezio, do your magic.” I smile timidly, looking away. “Trust me, mi fiore, I won’t make regret it.” he ushered as he cupped my face and leaned in, planting a long and loving kiss on my lips, as I could only put my hands on his chest, too out of it to know what to do. “W-Well...I’m pretty sure I won’t regret it.” I managed to say after a while. “Oh~? Did you like that, Kitten?” Ezio teased me, as I could only chuckle shyly, nudging him slightly. “Hey, I mean, compared to my first kiss, that was a tongue-forced one, in front of a public toilet...This was heavenly, okay?” I cover my mouth with my hand as I laugh at the stupid memory, only to have my hand snatched away and kissed by the Italian boy. “And it will only get better from here on. Also, I’m so happy Claudia told Federico about that shot mix, ‘cause chocolate tastes so good on your lips.” he smirks, but he wasn’t expecting me putting my hands on his neck to steal a quick kiss from him, leaving him stunned and blushing. “Awww, I guess I have competition, ‘cause you sure tasted so damn sweet too~.” I wink at him playfully before chuckling at how adorable he looked. “Ay ay ay, cara mia, you’re going to be the death of me.” was the last thing he could say before we went to check on the others, who apparently all fell asleep.

I suppose...Sometimes it’s nice to face your fears and be brave in your decision to take risks and have such a nice win.

And so much more free, 100% genuine Italian pizza!

[dc41896]

Nighttime Mukbang

So this is my first imagine, well first on here and that I’ve written in a long time so yea I’m a bit nervous but hopefully you like it! Also I’m not sure if I’ll do this consistently so I’m just gonna let you know now if this is the only story you see then *Kanye shrug* I’m sorry! (I’ve been getting ideas lately though so who knows what’ll happen!)

Warnings: None (unless you’re allergic to/can’t stand fluff because that’s all this is lol)

“Hey guys! For my regular degulars thanks for coming back and for the new people out there, I’m Y/N and welcome to my channel of literally any and everything!” You greet with a smile and wave while looking at the camera.

“Now I know some of y’all may be wondering who this is beside me, so- actually you know what? Would you like to introduce yourself or do you want me to do it?” You ask directing your attention to your guest for today’s video, locking eyes with his green ones.

“Nah I can do it” he smiles, sitting up a bit from his relaxed position on your couch. “What’s up guys, my name is Florian Munteanu aka Big Nasty and I’m an actor. You guys probably saw me in Creed 2 as Viktor Drago, Ivan Drago’s son. For those of you who haven’t seen it yet, go and buy it now because it’s amazing and Y/N agrees with me so if you don’t take my word for it take hers!” Florian laughs a bit as he leans on you, which in turn makes you laugh. Not only at his adorableness but also the fact that you know his big body leaning on yours probably looks hilarious.

“Yes it’s really good and I’m not saying that because I’m his friend, you guys know I would never lie to you. As I say here every week, y’all are my family and family keeps it real no matter what! Alright so now that we got intros out of the way, let’s get into today’s video which even Flo doesn’t know about but I feel like he’s gonna enjoy” you wink in the camera, making Florian a bit nervous even though he would never admit it.

“Alright so today we’re doing a mukbang/nighttime routine BUT there’s a twist...” you pause to look at the amused look on his face. “The twist is we’re switching routines so what you do as a nighttime routine I’m gonna do and vice versa” you explain. As you finish Florian laughs in his signature boisterous style, “This is gonna be something, but I’m excited to see how this goes.”

“Alright then lets go to the bathroom and get started!” As you get up to leave, you see Florian throw a punch towards the camera as he makes a “pop” sound with his mouth making you laugh and shake your head at the belief that this was your friend who you had to deal with for the remainder of the day.

“As you see we’re in the bathroom so we’re gonna go ahead and get started! I went ahead and bought a small little face brush since you can’t use mine due to sanitary reasons” you smile as you slide the small container of facial products towards his side of the sink. “Oh! And for those of you who judged my decision to get his and hers sinks even though I’m by myself, jokes on you because they came in handy so HA!” Seeing you point a finger to the camera and smile in a matter of fact way, Florian laughs before countering with “So what happens when I’m not here or you don’t have a guest using your bathroom?” draping his log of an arm over your shoulders and leaning down so your faces were somewhat at an equal level.

“....extra counter space” you answer causing an eruption of laughter from the both of you.

Shortly after, you both began to start your new nighttime routines. Well you started while he looked at all your products wondering where to start.

“Ok you have all this stuff you use so you know I’m gonna need help” he says as he tries to read what everything is and the directions as to not make any mistakes.

“First wash your face with this cleanser and then I’ll help you put on the mask so don’t do anything else” you reply as you dry your face pretty much already done with your routine since all Florian does at night is wash his face, put on moisturizer, then fall asleep. Gotta love men gifted with good skin.

After washing his face, you sit him down in a chair you brought in the bathroom just in case you would have to help him with something. “It never ceases to amaze me how women go through all these steps every day” he admits while you paint the warming mask on his face with a brush. “Well not all girls use this many products. Some use more and some use less, it just varies. Plus if some guys and people weren’t such jerks then maybe we would feel comfortable with going out with pimples and acne scars” you answer looking in the camera while saying your last sentence as if you were reading someone on sight.

“Easy, easy Y/N” Florian laughs while getting up to wash the mask off of his face after you finished, “Sounds like you’re talking from experience. We need to go beat up somebody?”

“No but I’ve seen people talk about others with acne and stuff and I just think it’s wrong. Like I’m sure that person is already insecure about that so why rub it in their face more? Also I now know you’re down if I ever have to jump someone though so thank you for that” you laugh while nudging his arm as he dried off his face.

“No problem, you know I got your back just like you got mine,” he replies leaning on the sink “Now what’s next?” “Next is a pore strip!” you answer while doing a little dance as you remove the black material from the sleeve making Florian let out a small groan but laugh after since he voluntarily signed up for this.

“Now is the mukbang part of the video where we’re gonna answer some of the questions you guys sent me via Instagram! For those of you who saw my story today, which will be a different day than when this video comes out, you guys already got a sneak peak as to who my mystery guest was while we were picking up our food and that’s also when I asked you guys to send in questions that we could answer while we eat” you explain while sitting on the couch with your legs placed under you, pad thai in hand. Sat next to you with legs spread wide open and his knee slightly brushing your legs, Florian had his usual personal box of pizza and was already going to town on it while you were giving the small details on what you guys were doing next.

“Ok first question, how did you guys meet?” you read off your phone before putting it down in the small space that was between the two of you. “Yea how did we meet Y/N?” he repeated with a smirk on his face. In his 28 years of life, you could imagine the amount of stories that he had and while you didn’t know all of them, you were sure how you guys met was one of his favorites. “Oh gosh here we go,” you laugh before taking a sip of the water you had on the table in front of you. “So picture it. Sicily. 1950. I’m kidding I’m kidding, if you know that reference you a real one!” you say making Florian laugh. “But really though, as you guys know, I’m cool with Steelo and did an episode of the Wine and Weed podcast, which is amazing and all of you guys should check it out and support him! Anyway, on said podcast, celeb crushes were mentioned and I said how Flo was my crush and Steelo being the mess he is told Mike who told Flo and yea now we’re friends” you quickly finish hoping that your slight embarrassment doesn’t show too bad. However from the rumbles of his belly laugh, you knew Florian was about to fill in the small details you thought best to leave out.

“Yea that’s the summary, but she didn’t tell you guys how it was a surprise meeting and the look on her face when she walked in the room and saw I was there was priceless! She couldn’t stop smiling either which was adorable-“ “OK! Ok! They get it, I fangirled hard over you. Moving on!” you laugh cutting him off by covering his mouth with your hand. “Next question please!” you say while picking up your phone to choose which one you wanted to answer.

“OMG I didn’t know you guys were friends!! How long has this been for and why you aint tell us?!?!?!” you read while laughing, “I’m gonna let you answer this one and see if you’ve been paying attention to this friendship” you smirk while looking at Florian and picking up your chopsticks to get a few more bites of your food.

“We’ve been friends going on 3 months now, which is crazy because we’re really comfortable with each other as if we’ve been friends for years,” he answers sitting up and looking in the camera then at you as he finished. He wasn’t only right about the time you guys were friends but his statement on how comfortable you guys were around each other was undeniable and definitely didn’t help the fact that you were trying to erase him as your crush. Like he said you guys were great friends. FRIENDS. That’s all that it should and would be; there was no changing your mind about it.

“Woowww he got it rightttt! 4 for you Flo, you go Flo!!!” you clap and laugh as he places his hand on his heart and slightly bends down as to do a bow while seated. “He’s right though on both accounts. We’re both big into vibes and energies and the second time we hung out he said he didn’t want to sound weird but that he could tell I was a good person from the vibe I gave off, which is probably the best compliment I’ve ever received,” you explained trying to avoid looking at him, but feeling that he was staring at you the whole time you spoke, you couldn’t help but look up and see his seemingly soul catching eyes and beautiful smile. Dangit! Why did he have to be like this?! Why couldn’t he be a F boy and make it easy for me to get over by just playing some Cardi B or Megan thee Stallion?! He really had some nerve being this amazing.

“Ok guys, this is gonna be the last question for now because this part paired with the nighttime routine is gonna make the video super long and while I know you guys would love that, you know I have a time limit with my videos that I have to live by or else my account decides it wants to freak out,” you explain while sitting up to pick a question, Florian following right behind you with your movement. “What I think I’m gonna do is have us answer some of the questions on my story on insta so for you guys that follow me, you’re basically gonna see the second part of this Q&A in a few minutes when we switch over! So last question, are you guys dating/would you ever date? Sorry if it’s too invasive, I’m just excited for you girl on behalf of all the fangirls out here!” you read as both you and Florian give a small laugh.

“No we’re not dating, we’re just friends,” you begin answering before you feel a lump in your throat from your nerves. You were sure he’d say the same thing you were about to say, but something inside of you wondered how he would feel when you gave your answer. “Honestly, I don’t think we would ever date.” “Why?” Florian asked as soon as your answer left your lips. “I mean it’s not that I’m not attracted to you, I just think since we’re friends if we dated that would ruin the friendship. Like you said earlier we act like we’ve been friends for years when that’s not the case and that’s really telling I feel like. Plus not to put myself down but we’re a bit on two different spectrums,” you say as you let out a small laugh and move a strand of hair out of your face.

“Oh,” he replied slightly nodding his head, “Well my answer is that I would be open to it. Like you said we’re close friends but also no one knows what the future holds.”

“Ummm, excuse me? Did he just say that? SIR!! Thank you for ruining ANY chance I had at getting over you!” you thought as you just looked at him taking in everything that he said. And trying not to freak out. “And we’re not on different spectrums,” he added as he sat back into his usual relaxed position.

“Yea maybe after my usual nighttime routine! Look at your face right now, that’s your spectrum but I have to go through all those steps while you only have like 2” you laugh trying to be funny but see Florian shake his head as he sits up to be closer to you again. He wipes his hands on a napkin before gently grabbing your chin and turning to look at the monitor set up in front of you guys. “Now look at your face. You did my usual routine and you still glow like the adorable fangirl I met 3 months ago,” he counters looking at you through the monitor. You were honestly stunned at what just happened. “He just said that because we’re friends, not like anything is meant by it,” you told yourself as your face was still in his hands only not looking at the monitor now but him as he looked back at you, adorable smile plastered on his cherub face.

“Just so you know that night I met you, I was wearing makeup so….” “OH MY GOSH Y/N you know what I was trying to say!” he laughs letting go of your face to lay his forehead on your shoulder exasperatedly from you ignoring what he just said and trying to brush off his compliment. “I know what you were trying to say and thank you it means a lot,” you smile as you place your arm around his back (well tried to, it only reached to his shoulder blade because mans is so massive) to give him a hug. Florian responded to your gesture by wrapping both his arms around your waist to pull you in for a bear hug, which caused you to burst out into a fit of giggles since he was also causing you to fall down in the process. “Ok guys! That’s the video! Hope you enjoyed it and decide to come back! Thanks Flo for being in this video and hopefully we can do another one,” you smile angelically and bat your eyes hoping that he’ll say yes. “No problem and of course I’ll be back! Maybe one day you can come out to Germany and then we can do a vlog or something there” he suggested moving his arms from around your waist to one over your shoulders.

“Sounds like a plan to me!” you beam praying that he’s being honest about his suggestion. “Do you want to close out the video?” you ask knowing that he’ll say he doesn’t know your outro or what to do. However, as you’ve come to find out about Mr. Munteanu, he can be full of surprises.

“Yea! Ok guys what’ll happen next time in this place? I don’t know, but tune in to find out and remember everyone’s regular is unique so being regular is anything but plain!” he smiles while performing your infamous peace sign and salute as a goodbye to all of your followers. “What? I did it right didn’t I?” he asks while looking at your awestruck face at the fact that he perfectly did your outro. “Yea you did it right, which amazes me but also makes me wonder if we might be hanging out too much. Or you watch too many of my videos” you replied making both of you laugh as you turned off your camera.

Tags: @honeychicana @themyscxiras @lady-olive-oil @crushed-pink-petals if anyone else wants to be tagged if I do this again in the future just let me know! 

[technicolorfamiliar]

The Artist vs Social Media

I have been sharing my feelings about art and its ever-growing relationship to social media with a number of people recently. I wrote a bit about it here some months ago, but that was primarily focused on reactions to different types of art I was posting on different platforms. Without a doubt, it’s been something that’s given me pause for a while, and I have a suspicion I can’t be the only person that feels this way.

To be clear: this is not meant to be an attack on the people who enjoy and excel at being a creative on social media. It is purely an expression of my own frustration, a cry out to others who have struggled with the same issues, because I know I’m not alone.

First of all, my personal style just doesn’t compliment a successful social media presence, I’m such a fan of the long-format, in general. I don’t want anything in my life to be bite-sized, cropped, or condensed. I struggle to convey the concepts teeming in my heart in a limited number of characters and pixels. As I am evolving as an artist, I enjoy incorporating many layers of meaning, drawing on a multitude of sources for inspiration. Social media, for the most part, wants to condense, compartmentalize, limit. It’s short-format, lacks fluidity, and promotes shorter attention spans. It feels counterintuitive to the kind of art I love and the art I want to be making.

For as streamlined and easy as social media has made sharing artwork with the great big world out there, it’s also birthed a lot of additional anxiety and despair. At least that’s been my experience. Some people have taken to social media like ducks to water, they are thriving in an endless stream of posts and pictures and stories. But this particular artmaker finds the rise of social media more like an impossible mountain, and climbing it is a requirement.

I envy the artists and makers who have figured out how to hack social media in order to promote their work and their brand. These people make it look easy, like social media integration with one’s art practice is as simple as breathing. I understand how it is crucial now as any kind of artist to have a big social media presence. But despite that understanding, I still have a lot of issues with it.

I was in art school in the still relatively early days of Instagram. Facebook and Twitter were big, but I didn’t really ever get too deeply involved in either platform. For me, Facebook was mostly for staying in touch with friends and family back home. I didn’t even have a smart phone until some time after I graduated. The school I attended encouraged us to build a website, get a business card, but there was no way to prepare us for the expansion of these apps among others that would emerge later on. This is not a sorry attempt at an excuse for my complicated relationship with social media, because there are a lot of artists in their early 30s right now who are very clearly doing well in that arena.

Circa 2009 – 2011, using social media for networking was beginning to be a real thing to consider. Having a Facebook page and separate Instagram and Twitter accounts devoted to your craft in addition to your website and blog in order to reach all possible professional connections was increasingly important. And now, they are all absolutely essential. People think you must be kidding yourself if you’re making art and don’t have a social media presence. I’ve caught myself being judgmental of young artists who aren’t on social media. But then I’m reminded of my own issues with Facebook and Instagram and all the others and I think maybe I should shut my mouth.

—

That’s the background. The real thing I’m trying to say is this:

Social media is exhausting.

I hate it.

For all the good content being generated and shared on FB, IG, etc there are a thousand mentally and emotionally draining posts being shared by people who, by and large, aren’t on social media to promote their craft. And that’s fine, people should have a place to vent their frustrations, laugh at funny or un-funny memes, share recipes and cute animal videos, get 100+ validating reactions to their photos, post thoughts/criticisms/ideas too long for Twitter but too short for a blog…

But to expect an artist generating original content to compete with everything else being blasted on every social media platform is complete and utter unrealistic nonsense.

—

My big, huge, major beef with social media is the totally insane decision to stop having posts featured in chronological order on pretty much every major platform. This really hurts creative people who are trying to get exposure, share their work to the world (or at least their friends and followers), and requires them to generate even more content, or share the same post over and over again in the hopes that their painting or photo or video somehow makes it over all the other posts from everybody else that are only just so much noise. Trying to get noticed or share your work with likeminded creatives you don’t already know is like shouting in a canyon full of other people shouting, drowned out by all the other voices and the echoes of the voices.

But that’s not the only thing about social media that keeps me up at night.

There are people on social media who have become experts in making their lives look like perfect, magical journeys of self discovery and growth and good fortune. Seeing their perfectly composed, perfectly lit photos of what is supposedly their daily lives, their brunches, their cocktails, their pets, their clothes, their travels, their significant others, and whatever else makes me want to not even try. Why should I even bother to try to compete with that? Looking at those kinds of posts immediately makes me feel inferior because 1) I’m not living that theoretically beautiful, charmed life, and 2) I’m not generating masses of content like that of my own experience. I look at my weird little life and there’s hardly anything photo- or post-worthy, at least not on a daily basis, not enough to get above everyone else’s noise. When did having a social media presence become an art form in and of itself? One of my very close friends described social media as performance art, which is probably the best description of this phenomenon I’ve ever heard. I’m not saying it’s not hard work — in order to project this perfect life, you have to be a photographer, or at least know and/or have the money to pay for one, be a master of self-marketing, and you have to set aside the time in your day to make the posts (more on that in a bit). But as someone with at least half a brain, I know that the content being gobbled up by glowing, supportive friends and followers is only a version of reality.

I know I’m not the only one who feels utterly alienated by the “perfect lives” being presented on social media, and I know that it’s not most people’s intention to alienate their friends by posting gorgeous photographs and positive affirmations of their own journeys.

And yet, even just thinking about it is exhausting. It’s a destructive and deadly combination of self-loathing and self-doubt inspired by the vast majority of what I see on Facebook and Instagram with knowing full well that those feelings are totally unfounded since the posts are not a true reflection of reality. It doesn’t motivate me, it doesn’t inspire me to follow their lead, it doesn’t get my blood pumping. It just makes me tired.

—

By my nature, I am a relatively private person. I have no real desire to share my private life with strangers, and it’s a struggle for me to open up to acquaintances. I have a hard time talking about myself, my dreams and aspirations, my needs and wants with other people. I keep to myself, I have a small circle of close friends and family with whom I share things openly.

There’s nothing like the gut-wrenching feeling you get when you’re talking passionately about your art or your interests or your hopes for the future with someone and seeing the very moment their eyes glaze over with disinterest. It’s a special kind of soul-crushing dismissal that has lead me to live an introvert’s life. Because why, after all, would I share anything with people when that’s the reaction I often got in my youth when sharing with my peers?

The whole grand purpose of social media is to share. Share everything and share often. Artists who hold regular jobs and don’t have an abundance of free time or energy to devote to generating social media content on top of the art they’re already making need to find that magical balance. The Buzzfeed article about burnout that was circulating a few months ago touches on this a bit. Work + Art + Self Promotion. That’s always been the case for artists looking to make a profit off their work, but now it’s on a whole other level and puts creatives in direct competition with social media influencers and everyone else on FB, IG, Twitter, Tumblr, Snapchat, etc. When I say time and energy, I mean the lack of energy I personally have after a working a job that already requires me to use my creativity, strategy, and organizational skills. When I get home or when I finish a job, I want to recharge so I can have the energy and motivation to actually sit in my studio and make new art. I struggle with budgeting out my time and energy for taking photos, writing cute little descriptions, thinking up clever hashtags, and setting timers to remind me when to post in order to get the most views.

I’m over-focused right now on making the art, in finding my voice as an illustrator, in re-vamping my portfolio and considering the future of my practice. I would need a personal assistant to run my social media accounts in an effective and professional way, and I don’t understand how other artists don’t have assistants. Or maybe they do. At the very least it would require me to have my phone in my hand far more than I already do, so another reason to keep it on me, especially in my studio while I’m in the zone, working, makes me feel gross.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “But Emma… you took all this time to write and edit this long blog post. Surely you could have used that time to work on content for your IG or FB accounts.” And you would be right. However, I’m in a place mentally and emotionally where I see the social media game, I understand it, but I just don’t want to play it. Not the way we’re all expected to if we want to get noticed. I’m not a performance artist, I’m not extroverted enough, my process doesn’t lend itself to this new gold standard of being an artist in the 21st century. Am I making big strides to change my process? Not really, because the very nature of social media feels inauthentic to me and the work I want to be making.

—

In the end… I don’t really know how to make social media work for me and my own journey as an artist. It would be great if there was some compromise, some middle path for people like me who are rubbed the wrong way by hashtags and stories and filters. Is there even a possibility for existing any other way as an artist today? Because everyone I know who creates any kind of art seems to have accepted and figured out the key to doing well on social media. It’s almost not even worth airing my grievances since I’m not willing to completely change and conform to something that does not feel right to me.

I’ll just keep plugging along as I have been until I figure it out. Or some kind souls who have been through a similar conundrum swoop in and offer their wisdom and insight.

[lightsandlostbells]

How would you rank the trailers for the four seasons? Or maybe ranking them isn’t so interesting, but I would love to hear your thoughts on them if you haven’t already discussed them!

Thanks for asking! So I love Julie’s trailers because they’re mini movies in themselves. They represent her artistic ambition. If I had to rank them, Isak or Sana’s would be first. Noora’s would probably be last because a dog eating vomit is gross and not something I can watch endlessly, lmao. But they’re all good in terms of communicating their season’s themes in an abstract way.Eva’s trailer: It’s the only one that has voiceover! I don’t know if maybe that’s because she’s the first lead and they wanted someone’s POV to establish the series, like it’s less exciting to have only the music when you don’t know who these people are. But also interesting is that Eva is the character whose arc revolves most heavily around not having her own opinions, and technically our introduction to Eva is her giving us her thoughts. The vibe is this version of girlhood that’s so rosy and idealized, it’s almost comical. Just girls being girls, basking in the sun, sitting in trees and swings with flowers in their hair like woodland nymphs. There’s tinkly music and soft focus as Eva tells us about how important her friends are and how they trust each other. With Ingrid and Sara, Eva’s got this happy place where she’s warm and loved. But of course we know it can’t last. There’s also this like … voyeuristic quality going on, that’s daring people to watch this picture of girlhood. Eva saying the girls kiss each other at parties, and she and Sara looking into the camera - that’s about getting your attention. All of this feels like a performance, an outsider’s view of being a teenage girl, maybe what we often see in media. It’s not real girlhood, which is not all dewy and soft, and Skam is going to show you that in Eva’s season. That’s why, imo, there are parts of the trailer that break this idealized fantasy - Sara making a vulgar gesture, and then the fantasy being broken by Ingrid talking about a picture of Eva on Instagram where she’s apparently wearing something revealing. It’s more “adult” and a transition from girlhood into teenager-hood. (Also, apparently it was Magnus who posted that picture of Eva?? I don’t know if it’s supposed to be THE Magnus but it’s a cool little detail.)Noora’s trailer: The music in this trailer is used in the season itself, so Julie must have really been a fan. Again, an idealized image. Look, it’s Noora, lying in the all-white bed, the sun spilling through the windows. Don’t we all want to wake up like this in the morning? It’s like a pleasant dream. Noora looks like she’s at peace. Until she awakes to see a naked girl in bed beside her. Clearly something she did not expect. (I don’t know if it’s actually meant to be Mari or just a random girl.) So as the music swells, just at the most triumphant part, we get the full picture of the room: people half naked and passed out, a mess of cigarette butts and half-drunk glasses, blow up dolls, vibrating dildos, a dog eating someone’s puke. Decidedly not a peaceful, idealized scenario! Some shit went down last night. Noora is horrified. She checks her body until the covers, and I mean, I’m assuming she’s wondering if she’s had sex, or got up to something that she’d regret, and she must think she didn’t because she seems pretty satisfied. Until William comes in, posing like a model and looking like he’s enjoying the view. He’s probably the last person Noora wants to catch her in this compromising position.There’s obviously some direct foreshadowing to Niko’s party and Noora’s assault in the trailer, down to the music. But it’s also about Noora’s relationship with sex, and her self-image, and how Noora is this very controlled person - she doesn’t drink because of what it does to her, she won’t have sex because of how a bad experience affected her. And she’s in this rosy, safe place until she’s suddenly in this very non-Noora situation where debauchery is all around her. She doesn’t know how she got there. Then of course there’s William - Noora doesn’t really want him to see her like this, but William is going to be the one to meet her out of her comfort zone, where she’ll have to deal with these messy emotions and reconsider her careful attitude. S2 has to do with Noora dealing with a loss of control - both with her falling for William against her judgment, and with the aftermath of her blackout. (Interestingly, Noora is the only lead who doesn’t look into the camera for her trailer. She’s not daring the audience to judge her or take in her performance - Noora really doesn’t want to be seen in her situation, I think.)Isak’s trailer: I once read a really great analysis of Isak’s trailer and I don’t think I could do as much justice as that one (I can’t remember where that analysis was right now, sorry, if anyone knows feel free to leave the link) (ETA: @heihallohadet sent me the links to ravenclawisak’s fantastic trailer analysis, please read part 1 part 2), but here goes. Obviously we have boys messing around in their underwear, splashing water on each other. William gets a tease at the start since people wanted more of him and Noorhelm post-S2 and Julie likes teasing her fans. This is like the gender-flipped version of Eva’s trailer, in some ways? It’s a romanticized version of teenage boys. Well … by “romanticized” I mean “sexualized.” Like, this is a fantasy. It would not be out of place if you stuck a Sean Cody logo on the frame. We have these male characters scantily clad and wet. It takes us about half a minute to see Isak, like oh, he’s here, too. He’s not a participant, but an observer. And he seems to be torn about it. On the one hand, he’s intrigued by the view, he can’t look away. On the other, his body language is awkward and uncomfortable, like he knows he should look away. He quietly observes the strapping male bodies before looking down. Then it’s Jonas who grabs the milk - fittingly, Isak’s first crush that we know of - and throws it, and Isak doesn’t do anything as it comes his way. He doesn’t get up or dodge, he just watches the milk soar over his head and then rain down on him. He lets himself feel it on his face. And you could read into his expression several ways, but to me, he choose to let the milk hit him. Like … he seems kind of rapturous for a moment there. So he’s choosing to indulge in these forbidden feelings, because he wants them even if he can’t act on them. Then he looks into the camera straight at us. With Eva it felt like she was teasing us when she looked into the camera; this is like Isak is daring us to judge him. (I remember this from the other analysis, so I don’t want to take credit for it, but they brought up that the other boys are dousing each other with water, a clear liquid, and Isak gets hit with milk, something that leaves a stain, and it’s like the other boys can frolic around in this homoerotic scenario and not have it mean anything, because they’re straight, but with Isak, his attraction to boys is something that would mark him. Isak is othered in this trailer, by the milk and simply by sitting on the sidelines instead of messing around with the others.)What really gets me about this trailer is the song. I LOVE this choice of song. It’s Nils Bech so of course he’ll represent Isak further on the S3 soundtrack, as it turns out, but also … those lyrics. The LYRICS. There’s just so much fucking longing. Again, Isak is othered: “I am the last one” - he’s the one who can’t find love, or romance, because he can’t get it from the same place as the other boys, and it’s something he’s locked up inside. “Everyone knows how I tried” - Isak tried to do the heterosexual thing, he tried to date girls. But what he’s longing for, in his secret romantic heart, is a real connection with someone he truly likes. “What’s so strange about me”- again, feeling othered, not knowing what to do with this part of himself.  “Can’t I be loved” - evident, despite his other-ness, he wants that genuine love. Why can’t he have what the other boys have? Is there someone who will want him the way he wants? Goddamn, this song gives me stomach pangs. The loneliness, the vulnerability. It makes me so grateful for Isak’s season.Sana’s trailer: AKA the one everyone spent months waiting for. I love this one, either S3 or S4 is my favorite. Now, I will say that this trailer probably altered a lot of fandom’s expectations in a negative way - because we spent so much time waiting for the “clues” to pay off, and reading into it, that some aspects disappointed when they did or did not happen. But as a standalone, I think it’s awesome. First of all, because the music is in reverse, Julie prevented the international fans from being geoblocked, so that was cool, lol. Second, again, AMAZING choice of music. I mean frankly, a lot of people would hear this trailer and think, “OK, this is something Middle Eastern? It sounds … vaguely foreign.” But of course it’s not, it’s actually a song in English played in reverse. And not just any song, but a song where the speaker begs the listener not to misunderstand them. Where they acknowledge that they’re not perfect and that they make mistakes, but “I’m just a soul whose intentions are good.” Don’t judge them, understand them. And that’s completely Sana’s character in S4. She’s dealing with so much, people judge her, things go wrong, and that results in her making bad choices. But Sana is not a bad person. Sana is someone who wants to do good, but sometimes makes mistakes. We don’t understand the song because it’s in reverse, but play it forward and the lyrics become clear. It’s fantastic. There’s the bonus layer of the song being by Yusuf Islam, formerly known as Cat Stevens, who converted to Islam in the ‘70s.Moving on to the visuals, of course we have Julie messing with her fans again by showing Even first, as post-S3, many fans were calling for an Even season just as fans wanted a William season post-S2. She gets in that lovely little Evak moment before moving through the girls backwards. A chain reaction that causes chaos. There were so many damn theories about this trailer. Even gets hurt by getting hit with the selfie stick - was social media going to bite him in the ass? Chris has the selfie stick; she hits Even because Eva knocks into her; Eva knocks into her because she trips on Vilde’s pearls (Eva has a beer in hand, would her drinking come into play? Would she trip and “fall” for Vilde, as the Evilde shippers hoped?); Vilde’s pearls scatter because Noora falls against her and grabs the necklace (was Noora going to fall for Vilde? Were Vilde’s pearls broken as a sign of her poor home life coming to light?); Noora falls against Vilde because Sana trips her. All those people fall down because of one deliberate decision by someone we don’t expect to cause trouble, who is known for being the rational, loyal friend. What’s more, Sana smiles about it. Why is she smiling? She wants to cause trouble? What has motivated her to do this? And it all leads to blood.So the chain reaction didn’t play out quite like we predicted, in the end: for example, it’s Isak who gets hit in the face, not Even, the “reverse” of the situation. But not gonna lie, I’m not totally clear on how the rest of this chain happened, like I know how Sana’s actions ended up affecting the other characters and causing a chain of problems like Vilde getting cyberbullied, or Isak getting blamed for the hate account.  To be fair, the trailer is not necessarily supposed to line up exactly with the events of the season - it’s just general foreshadowing about Sana making choices that affect others, and about the theme of being misunderstood. Taken on its own, I adore this trailer, I think it’s got a terrific concept, and Sana gives me chills at the end.

[backpackfullofplums]

27 lessons

Saturday was my 27th birthday, so I thought I’d share 27 pieces of wisdom I’ve picked up. Most of these are actually things I learned in the last year. Anyway, let’s get to it-

1. Try new things. I know it sounds cliche, but do your best to try something new every once in a while. Over the last year I tried Jiu Jitsu (which wasn’t for me) and crocheting (which I fell in love with). Trying new things teaches you a lot about who you are as a person.

2. If you hate your job, look for another one. I’m sooo much happier in my current position than my last job. I didn’t even think I’d get the job I applied for, but figured the worst they could say is no, and it worked out great!!

3. Stop using makeup wipes to clean your face. Okay, this might be a personal preference, but at least try it to see how it works for you. I had a BAD reaction to some ELF brand makeup wipes a while back (bad enough I had to see a doctor) and swore off wipes altogether. My skin has been way clearer! Find a face wash that’s compatible with your skin type and wash your face instead of using wipes. If you have heavy eye makeup or lipstick on, just take a cotton round with a little coconut oil or olive oil and it will come right off.

4. Be upfront with people. I found out earlier this year that one of my best friends was secretly crushing on me (a mutual friend spilled the beans). He didn’t know that I knew, but there was still this weird tension in the air whenever we hung out. After I clarified with him that any hanging out is strictly platonic, things got way better and the tension is no longer there. I’m so glad I was upfront about it!!

5. Invest in a good pillow. When I finally sprang for a good pillow my neck stopped hurting as bad and I slept better. I got the Coop Home Goods pillow- it’s a little pricey but worth it. It’s filled with shredded memory foam so it has support but you can still “fluff” it to what height you want. You can also add/remove stuffing.

6. Eat food. I have a hard time with this one, but I know it’s true. I often get a lot of anxiety around eating because I don’t always know how foods will affect me with my gastric issues so sometimes I skip meals. Don’t do that. I’m trying to be more thoughtful about what I put into my body.

7. Go meatless at least one day a week. I’m a vegetarian, but I get that it’s not everyone’s thing so I’m not pushy about it, but do encourage people to try “meatless Mondays.” Both the animals and Mama Earth herself will thank you.

8. Money spent on experiences instead of material things feels more well-spent (at least in my experience). I’m glad I spent last year’s Christmas money on con tickets instead of new boots I didn’t really need (they looked cool though).

9. Learn every single in and out of your insurance plan. If you’re totally new to the world of insurance, try contacting your employer’s HR department to see if someone can go over your plan details with you. Some health plans offer things like cash rewards for completing wellness programs, and there may be things like massage therapy available. I’ve been in insurance for over three years and it changes all the time, but try to keep up.

10. Drink less coffee and more water. Try to avoid energy drinks.

11. This is a big one- if you think you may need medical help for something, go to the doctor. I was having some problems with nighttime anxiety and kept putting off going to the doctor. I finally did and got a medication for when I’m having anxiety issues and my life has gotten so much better.

12. Along the lines of #11- check your vaccine history. I found out at 26 whilst reviewing my records that my parents didn’t have me vaccinated against HPV. I got my final booster a few weeks ago.

13. It’s okay to cut toxic people out of your life.

14. Find friends who hate the same people you do.

15. Do NOT under any circumstances get a tattoo from someone unless you actually know someone who has had work done by them and you’ve seen it and it looks good. Just because they have cool pics on Instagram doesn’t mean anything- there could be 4 bad tattoos for every 5 they do, and they’ll only put the one good one online. I went to a place that has won a few awards, and learned the hard way that shops can pretty much just buy them. It cost me $150 and an hour of pain to get my bad tattoo fixed. Also, just because the SHOP is popular doesn’t mean that an individual ARTIST in that shop is. There may be 3 really great tattooists and the fourth one is shit. In case you were wondering how bad mine was, here’s a before and after of my evergreen tree calf tattoo (left is the first artist, right is the fix)-

16. Mug brownies and cakes are good for the soul.

17. PB&J sammiches make an excellent breakfast for on-the-go.

18. If you aren’t already doing so, wash your pillowcases as often as possible- it will help keep your skin clear!

19. While you’re washing your pillow cases, clean your phone (I use Lysol wipes).

20. Read more books.

21. It’s 1000% ok to take breaks from social media. You aren’t going to let anyone down by not being online for a few days. Sometimes a little blackout is a good way to reset your brain.

22. Don’t be afraid to do stuff alone. Go to a movie or a museum or an art walk by yourself. Take yourself out on a little date. You don’t have to share your food with anyone and can see what you want, when you want, at your own pace.

23. If you live somewhere where the air quality can be bad (like areas prone to wildfires) invest in an air purifier.

24. Just because you know someone who lost weight on a fad diet doesn’t mean the diet works or is healthy. Check with a physician or dietician about diet changes.

25. If you are on medications, take them.

26. You don’t have to laugh at jokes that aren’t funny, or smile because someone told you to.

27. You are important, you have value, and you matter.

[tastydregs]

The Most Brutal Memes About How the Metaverse Will Trap Us in a Human Meat Farm

After spending two soul-crushing years locked up at home, companies like Facebook-now-known-as-Meta are trying to sell you on a new vision of the future: strap on a bulky VR headset and experience expansive virtual worlds filled with joy and legless, cartoonized avatars of your best friends.

If that doesn’t sound like something you want to be a part of, you’re not alone. Here are our favorite memes about the concept.

1. Meat-a-verse

Some folks are worried Mark Zuckerberg and his company Meta might have ulterior motives in the metaverse. After news broke that one Turkish farmer was putting his cows in VR headsets to show them images of green fields and pastures to increase milk production, one Redditor posted the “Meta-worse” meme showing Zuckerberg commandingly striding past rows and rows of audience members testing out VR headsets.

Some, however, seem less concerned about the consequences and are just happy to forget a bleak reality.

“If I can escape my miserable life in the form of VR i would do it 100 percent,” one user commented below the post. “I already do with TV shows and video games anyways.”

2. This is Fine

Remember the “This is Fine” dog sitting at a kitchen table inside a burning house? One Instagram webcomic artist remixed the meme to feature an original character in a burning house, oblivious to the flames because of the VR goggles on their face.

It’s the sharp-elbowed reminder, in other words that VR can easily distract us from everyday problems that require immediate solutions, like climate change, for instance.

3. Let’s Make A Deal

What do VR users get in exchange for hours of their life spent inside a digital world? According to one meme-maker, not a lot.

“I receive: Hours of your life wasted,” the caption of a meme showing a man dressed in a business suit reads. “You receive: A funny little box.”

4. Chump Changes

Mark Zuckerberg's LOGIC#Meta pic.twitter.com/V61EOlOhOr

— Ankita Singh (@musing_humour) October 29, 2021

Who needs real change when you can just pick a new name, right? At least that’s what the above Twitter user seems to be implying when Facebook changed its name to Meta.

5. Possible Prison

Can you even imagine doing time in a “metaverse prison?” A Reddit user posted this video featuring two players using VR headsets and flailing wildly in full-body control suit situations — and it popped off with more than 51,000 upvotes.

6. Unreal Estate

Me after buying a land in Metaverse pic.twitter.com/wjIoyBmvEc

— Musky Memes

(@musky_meme) January 7, 2022

This tweet seems to be a dig at real estate agents spending millions of dollars on virtual plots of land. Sure, you might be broke after and not able to afford reality-based housing — but as long as you’ve got the headset you’re home sweet home, right?

7. It’s All Too Much

The #metaverse has officially made it to meme status. pic.twitter.com/2PbUcL9WNi

— Bobby Carlton

#VR #AR #XR #metaverse #pizza (@bcarlton727) January 8, 2022

Some metaverse memes remind us about the bigger picture. Sure, VR can be scary, but what about everything else going on in the world? We can’t forget those pesky supply chain shortages and COVID variants.

Sometimes memes make us feel better, and sometimes they make us feel worse. But if you’re feeling a little blue after this roundup, just remember, there’s still some good being done in the world.

More on the Metaverse: Facebook Locks Down Patents for Full-Body VR Tracking

The post The Most Brutal Memes About How the Metaverse Will Trap Us in a Human Meat Farm appeared first on Futurism.

[callmenateybird]

Depression Never Drove Me To Attempt Suicide; Being Bullied While Depressed Did

I don’t wanna relive my bullying hellscape today but I can’t shake the feeling that people still just continue to blame the brains of suicidal people for any and all suicidal acts.

I’ve experienced depression for a long time. I was lucky that depression alone never led me to a suicide attempt. Being bullied along with being depressed, however, did. I need to use my own experience as an example to get through to people about this today.

Spring 2016: I dated a person I met on The List App (just what it sounds like - a list-making app created by BJ Novak). I went out to CA to be with her for 2 months. She felt it was moving too fast, but didn’t tell me for awhile. Eventually she did, we broke up, I was crushed, I went back to OH to be with family. I whined, I pitied myself, I spoke about the breakup on List.

Eventually, friends of my ex decided this was too much & brought my ex & others into a FB group chat, where they shit talked & mused that I had been manipulative & that I’d threatened self harm.

This was the first in two instances now of upping the ante of false accusation. First, from whining & taking a breakup hard -> manipulation & threats of self harm, then, a year ago right around this time, upping the ante again to “abuser.” More on that in a bit.

Back to 2016 — August, as the group chat began. I had been listing about the upcoming 2 year anniversary of my dad’s passing — Aug 10. On the night of the 9th, my ex’s close friend did what I guess was an accidental like of an old list of mine. At the time, it seemed odd because she wasn’t following me and we’d had conflict with each other on Twitter about a week before.

The next day, it made sense why she’d been far back in my old lists. As I listed about the anniversary of my dad’s passing, parody accounts began to go public.

The first was called Predator. My screen shots here were taken later (I was too upset to screenshot anything the day it all happened) after the name was changed to “Chris, Kay?” to target one List guy these people hated. The original name on the account was “Chrislie K. Veshester” — a mashup of the names of 3 of us from List.

In the second and third screenshots, you’ll see parts of a list. This list has direct excerpts from lists the 3 of us guys had previously posted (gathering lines from old lists the night before…yes, bullies go to great efforts to bully). The writing and recording line, the bravery line, the baggage line, the body is your friend line, the quote of Coyote Hours (an album about the death of my father) — all from me & gleefully twisted into being somehow creepy or wrong.

The line “I try to get others to take care of me” didn’t seem to come from any of us, but seems more to be a line from my ex’s friend’s imagination that reflects how those people saw me in the wake of that breakup.

Also launched that day, in tandem, was the Flounce account (to flounce means to announce that you’re leaving a community, which I had done the night before my dad anniversary, because of what I was going through at the time). I later was told this was created by Jack Waz, an employee of List. The first few followers on the account — my bullies, “Jo-Ann Fabrics” (another parody account by Jack), & even List creator BJ Novak.

Also popping up that day was this dormant “imacreep” account where luckily no new vitriol was added — but you can see, based on the few lists that account had “liked,” that it came from the same group of people.

You can also see, from the few likes on the predator account, that it came from the same group of people.

On Aug 10, I had a nervous breakdown after seeing all of this. The passing of a parent is a deep trauma and, only 2 years out, was obviously very fresh for me. It is an event that is almost sacred in a way, & part of the unhealable scarring of my bullying experience is that this sacred date was snatched away from me, and tainted by this awful social media experience. I now forever associate the day my dad died with being bullied.

On September 1st, an older guy from the group chat sent me an unsolicited harassing email, after being given my contact info by my ex. I had just called her to ask if she would be completing some album artwork she’d promised to do for me around the time of our breakup. I hadn’t heard from her in ages (this was before I knew she was involved in the group chat), so I took one last chance at reaching out about it. In the email from this guy, I was summarily smacked down for “not respecting her boundaries” and told very cruelly by him that she didn’t want to do my art, or hear from me ever again.

In mid September 2016, a former friend told me everything about the group chat. She had been brought into it and pressured/intimidated (by, among others, men in their late 30s — she was in her early 20s, as were a few other women in the group chat) to “provide receipts” of me talking about my breakup. She was forced to “denounce” me and swear she’d never talk to me again.

She named names to me in September and let me know who was involved. I learned that my ex — who had been silent through all the stuff in August — was in the group chat, participated, and watched it all go down. A couple days later, I began a suicide attempt.

The ordeal led to both myself and my mom being hospitalized (she has a heart condition). Thankfully, we both came out of the ordeal ok.

Plenty more vitriol was unleashed on List after August 10th. I was lucky that much of it didn’t involve me (another guy from List got it worse than I did). One older guy from the group chat did a particularly nasty “sublist” and a few other remarks came out here and there, but it seemed to be dying down finally.

Through the fall, I began to find balance again. I returned to List with a new account, and took small steps in standing up for myself.

In November, I confronted my ex about what I knew, in an attempt to make peace. She expressed some regret, but never really apologized in a way that felt adequate to me, nor would she concede that her friends had bullied me and that she had condoned it.

In December, I returned to CA to resume the life I’d begun building when I was dating my ex. I had been dreaming of living in Southern California since the trip to scatter my dad’s ashes there in fall of 2014, and I was using the last chunk of inheritance money I’d gotten to get myself re-established in Orange County.

In January of 2017, I finally realized that my ex was never going to apologize to me for everything, so I launched a text tirade of criticisms her way and stopped speaking to her.

But in the next few months, I faltered in that commitment and sent her three harassing emails. Since the previous fall, I had begun an agonizing habit of digital cutting (creeping on social media that you know is bad for your mental health) and snooped on her accounts, plus those of her friends and family. It is a habit that I have yet to fully shake, even all this time later. The three emails I sent all involved seeing things she’d liked on social media and being angry or jealous about them. I finally stooped to the level of the people who harassed me, and I harassed her. After the final of those three emails, in April of 2017, she wrote back and said she’d file a harassment order if I contacted her again, and I never contacted her again.

But I continued to grow more and more emboldened in standing up for myself publicly, and over the course of 2017 it became a huge part of my social media (especially on Twitter) to speak openly about my experience being bullied, harassed, and ganged up on.

In June of 2017, I was walking in a park in my ex’s town and saw her. A few days later, many of the ladies from List were tagged in a massive Twitter thread. For some reason, a few of us guys from the app were tagged as well. Later that day, my ex’s friend from the group chat - the one who had made the “Predator” account - subtweeted that these List ladies in the mass tagging had “an abuser among [them].” The ante of false accusation had been upped again, from whining and self pity and taking a breakup hard -> manipulation and threats of self harm -> abuse.

This subtweet alone, which I’d only discovered because of my continuing struggle with digital cutting (creeping online), sent me reeling on the verge of another breakdown. I knew that things were heating up culturally, that the imperative to believe women was more important than ever. And now, for the first time, I had to face that dissenting argument from the trolls who don’t like the prioritization of believing women no matter what — “what if somebody falsely accuses someone just to fuck up their life?” But even then, I brought myself back from the brink (with much help from my therapy sessions, my support system of family and friends, my writing, and the good-for-the-soul environment of southern California).

I even had a phone call later that summer with the friend who’d told me about the group chat, where I explained to her that I still acknowledged the importance of believing women, even if I was experiencing a false accusation. I told her that I was trying to hold onto the understanding that the cultural prioritization of listening to and believing women was bigger than me, more important than me.

But I also continued to speak openly about being bullied, and now included the mention of being implied to be an emotional abuser, all through 2017 until finally standing up for myself on social media impacted my real life once more. A few days before Christmas, after a really good period of no digital cutting for the entire month of December so far, I had a weak moment one evening and looked at the social media of my ex and her family. On her mom’s Instagram, I saw a repost from my ex’s private account where she’d said she had gone to the police station to file a report about “a year and a half of harassment, stalking, and general creepiness.” (A year and a half would be going back to right when we broke up - we were still on good terms then - and six months before our friendly if flawed semi-clearing of the air in late 2016). In her mom’s repost, she said “if we see this guy in our neighborhood again, we are coming after him!” I saw this — and hope you will understand my seeing it this way — as a threat of physical harm. If “our neighborhood” meant seeing me on their street, well that was never going to happen. But if it meant seeing me in their whole entire town — like I’d seen her in a park last June — well, what was I supposed to do about being seen in an entire town??

I was terrified, and made a hasty decision two days later (Christmas Eve) to leave my Orange County long term Airbnb about two months before the end of my lease. I struggled for about a month to stay afloat in LA, looking for a new space. But my savings was too low to handle the temporary added expenses of new Airbnbs and hotels, and by early February of 2018 I decided I had to throw in the towel and go back to Ohio to regroup with family until I could afford to be out west again.

And that is my ordeal, to date.

I took a breakup badly, and cried and cried and said “I can’t take it anymore” (the closest I came to “threats of self harm,” as were the initial accusations from the group chat). And all because of taking a breakup badly —

I was ganged up on, parodied, mocked, and bullied on the two year anniversary of the death of my father.

The actual creators/employees of the app where I was bullied - including BJ Novak himself - celebrated and *participated in* bullying me.

I suffered a nervous breakdown.

I attempted suicide.

My mom was sent into the hospital with a heart scare, from watching what I was going through and reacting emotionally as most mothers would.

I drained thousands of dollars from my savings for additional therapy, spiritual counseling, and cross country travel (twice).

I literally left my home because I felt unwelcome and physically unsafe in Orange County, after being threatened with violence by my ex’s mother. 

And now I exist in this particular moment on social media, where the valiant and important efforts of the #metoo movement are still sometimes misrepresented by cold statements like “don’t ever fucking tell me that a false accusation ruins a man’s life.”

Even if you set aside my experience of being ganged up on and bullied, of being called a creep for being friends with women who were younger than me in a social media community, of being accused of manipulation and emotional abuse, it should be understandable as a general isolated statement — When we talk about someone’s life being ruined, we have to look at more than just their external life. We have to also look at their internal life.

And rest assured — beyond all the external stuff I just listed, my internal life has been forever impacted by being bullied and by being called “abuser.”

I can no longer say I have never attempted suicide. After years of living with depression and being proud of myself for never giving into the darkest of places, I now have experienced a suicide attempt. I now have experienced being called an abuser. And who knows what else I may experience as repercussions for posting this essay with screenshots and names, since the past two years of interacting with bullies has shown me very clearly that bullies always — ALWAYS — win.

We now live in an age where bullies are empowered by important cultural movements. They sneak in through weak spots, they use amped up language and terms that they know will attract attention. They are stronger than ever.

But the part of the narrative that my bullies and threateners will always leave out of their callouts - their own screenshot exposés of past and possibly future - is the part where they bullied and harassed first. My own instances of email harassment of my ex, my own flawed and self destructive habit of creeping online — these are personal flaws that arose AFTER being bullied. That part of their narrative will always be conveniently scrapped from the record. Bullying proves the age old saying — hurt people hurt people.

And so now, two years after my ordeal began, I try to be mindful that angry statements can verge on harassment, I do less and less digital cutting, I try to be a good person and to value the people who value me.

But when famous people are lost to suicide, and the conversation zeroes in squarely on mental illness and mental health, I just cannot abide the ignoring of so many other cultural factors that lead people to no longer want to live on this planet.

Whether the factors are due to marginalization, systemic oppression, economic hopelessness, ageism, a broken health care system, disease and physical pain, or a bullying ordeal like mine — there are an endless number of external environmental forces that drive people to suicide besides their own pure brain chemistry. And remember, environmental doesn’t just mean places and things — it means people. Many of those external forces that drive people to suicide involve how the people are treated by the others in their environment.

I have experienced depression for much of my life. But it was only being bullied that finally pushed me to the brink. This screenshot below shows the folks from the group chat. Some of them were silent bystanders, but they all watched it go down and did nothing to stop it. They are all complicit.

These are my bullies.

And if I have to live forever with being bullied the day my dad died, with having attempted suicide, with watching my mom go into the hospital, with being called an abuser and whatever else I’ll be called between two years ago and the end of my life, then they will have to live with being called bullies. And even if this post is removed, even if this account is suspended or deleted, I will continue to speak up and speak out when I am bullied or when I see others being bullied. I will not stand for it ever again.

Because all the things those people took away from me left a gaping hole inside me. And, so far, I have only found a couple things with which to sufficiently fill that hole — the understanding of my very loving and supportive family and friends, and love and respect for myself. Standing up for myself is just one of the ways I have learned to love and respect myself, ever since the ordeal that scarred my life forever.

June 12: I decided to add an afterword to this essay, a sort of “FAQ” to address a question I’ve been asked a few times in one form or another. 

The question: Do you talk about your bullying experience so much because you want your bullies to feel bullied?

No.

First, "bullying bullies" isn't a thing much like how reverse racism isn't a thing. To be a broken record - to continually expose the bullying act & “Scarlet Letter” the perpetrators - is the only power a bullying victim has, since the act of bullying unfortunately isn't treated like a punishable crime, especially when it’s done online (even though being bullied has robbed me financially and wounded me - and my family - both physically and emotionally).

Second, I talk about this as much as I do because I want the people who bullied me to feel haunted by the consequences of their actions (and inactions, in the case of those who watched and condoned) - actions they probably felt, at the time, were not a big deal. To have spoken about it publicly for almost three years is an effort at making them feel so haunted by their behavior that they not only never bully another person again, but that they *themselves* become dedicated anti-bullying crusaders. It sounds almost laughable - and certainly would to them, as cynical as they are - but I am trying to make a difference in these few peoples’ lives. You can label it crudely as “badgering,” which I feel does a disservice to me by downplaying the severity of what happened to me, but whatever you call my continued persistence in talking about this experience - it is persistence that aims to make a few people more decent and mindful of their past and future behavior.

[rhondaadorno]

Above and Below

“Empathy is not simply a matter of trying to imagine what others are going through, but having the will to muster enough courage to do something about it. In a way, empathy is predicated upon hope.” ― Cornel West

I am back with another harrowing excavation into my soul--where all my parts are uncovered, and I rebel against the inclination to flee from the me I don’t want you to see. 

But, I’m narrowly sure this is the right thing to do, for my mental health, and for the bettering of us. 

I spoke to you about the past before, and now, under this glowing moon we share, I will write about the undressed present.

Decompression Sickness

We’re all in a fluster. All of us. Our own internal pandemic is happening and every Facebook post and Instagram story is vouching for the vaccine to cure us all.

We are overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed.

Actually, at this very moment, I feel like my chest is being crushed. I was going to escape by retiring to bed, but what’s a good night’s rest going for these days, anyway?

Have any of us ever really had one since January 1st?

I think I feel this way because I am abruptly being purged of 30 plus years of silent pain, in addition to what I also carried from my mother’s pain, and the transcendent knowledge of my grandmother’s pain, and the ubiquitous pain of black mothers on high alert for their children everyday, along with the paranoia of that police car surreptitiously switching lanes behind me  the other day-- the PTSD of being pinned down by 4 white cops inside my own home, really. 

Decompression sickness. What a scuba diver feels if they ascend too quickly.

All of the stifled and silenced things are suddenly bobbing without any anchor above the surface, eerily as if they had a face. All of it, just snatched out of me at a dizzying speed, and my body is in a state of havoc.

Someone once said to me, the anvil on your foot is a definite pain to bear, but once you remove the anvil, that’s when the real pain shows up because now you ache and throb from somewhere deep and untraceable. 

Palace Under the Sea

When my first born, Hannah, passed away from Trisomy 18 in 2008, I remember having the same feeling -- my faculties in working order, but my mind shutting down, while everyone around me worked in a fever pitch to make the world right again. I lost my ability to speak for a while, maybe a day or a week, and even though I may have spoken to people, I wasn’t tethered to the words; I had slipped away into a place that hummed.

Distinctly, I remember imagining I had sunk to the bottom of the sea, and sat on its floor, holding my breath, looking up while everyone strained their necks to see if I was okay. I went to this place because of its hum; it allowed everything to become muffled and distorted, claws no longer clawing requiring nothing of me. I felt surrounded by liquid steel feigning the same protection as a cold war bomb shelter.

I’m here now, in this palace under the sea, undulations unto undulations. 

I am in fluid distress which I describe as cognitive euphoria, functioning depression, acute anger, rippling hurt, and pitched caution. Many of my black sisters and brothers may be feeling the same, or not; maybe they are on an extreme end, which is their right. I just know I am not okay.

Passion and Platform

Here is why. The world, our colleagues, our closest friends, whose baby showers we’ve attended, whose surprise parties we’ve planned, whose homes we’ve visited, and whose joys we’ve shared, have not reached out about this part of our fiercely guarded selves ever, even though slavery (all by itself) is just a grandmother away. 

If they didn’t know about the cop sanctioned killings, they knew about that, and didn’t think it had any impact on us as human beings. Where did they think it went, our history, our story? 

Hear me. This is my LIFE, not a click happy cause. 

I just realized what I have been doing for 2 decades at minimum, what I have been able to do for all these years. To not have had some kind of dissociative break is testament of the strength of my people, but seriously, no one needs to be that strong.

I know the first thing we say to people in crisis is that we “cannot imagine” in order to relate our deep abiding sentiment, but the black community does not need anyone to imagine it, nor have we ever wished such horrible imaginations of our experience upon any race. 

In all sincerity, we would like you to pick an area that resonates with your passion and platform, learn about what’s wrong, and start there. 

For example, if you are a teacher, and you haven't already gone to Goodreads and changed 2 of your 3 classroom novels to reflect voices from people of color, it's a case for ambivalence. If you haven’t sat with yourself and asked how you played a role, it’s a case for culpability. If you’ve said nothing to your children’s friends’ mother who is black; it’s an affront. If you are a marketing director, and you haven’t scrubbed your company's latest campaign in favor of the culturally diverse world we live in, it's a case for indifference. If you are an influencer, and you have yet to use your platform to bring attention to your followers, it is a commitment to racism.

Not knowing where to start cannot become another insult to justice. Choosing to work through personal blindness and present discomfort is the only wholehearted statement the black community really wants to hear, and will respect. 

3 Phases of Trauma

So many people couldn’t handle quarantine and wanted to wield weapons of irredeemable violence because Target and Starbucks were closed. They felt like governors were stepping on their rights to be free citizens, so they could get back to normal and shop. 

What a privilege. 

Except for this earthquake that simultaneously was this man’s stolen life and his revelatory gift to humanity, not a thing would have been different. 

Respectfully, there's not a whole lot the black community can give in response to the amazing support we are seeing. I’m being honest. When you look at us for approval or some proverbial pat on the back or look to the one black person in your social circle to instantly become the expert on race relations, it's a big presumptive ask. It's an ask that should be handled with care.

Because we are a community yes, but the black person you know within your network, whom you have instant access to and is graciously helping you see for the first time, she is an individual person currently living in at least one of the 3 phases of trauma.

We are willing and committed to offering insight and perspective, but emphatically cannot become priest, therapist, professor, best friend, resource director, leader of a movement to make this burden easier for our white friends and family. It would be full circle for us, you see, expecting that we do the work for you. You have to do the work. You have to sweat, you have to push in, you have to be uncomfortable. 

Or you don’t. This is coming to terms with your identity, and your beliefs about people of color. 

Pressure Cookers of Society

We’ve already put our thoughts and feelings down on paper. They are neatly categorized in the library of congress. You really can’t go wrong. Amazon has, no doubt, curated a list of resources by now. TedTalk, no doubt, has organized its list of powerful black voices by now. YouTube is troubled waters, but there are assuredly phenomenal playlists which, by now, are advertised across social media. Make no mistake, black people are a highly educated group with keen intelligence, and our literature, our stories have led to groundbreaking change and progressive cures to overt racism, and now systemic racism. And it scares people. Take my word for it. 

I keep feeling like I should respond to this universal question: Why the outrage? Why the violence? 

Go to the altar of your god, and offer up your set of circumstances for mine. That instantaneous volt of paralysis you just felt, as much as you may respect, love, know, and care for me and my family, that is why. I wouldn’t trade my life for yours too. Because despite my lifelong hardships, I can see this world for what it is, and it has made me brilliant, it’s made me prismatic.

There is no shock;  there is no mystery and no veil to hide behind; we are all aware, and have been aware; the offer would not be made because simply, there’s too much to lose.

However, the amplified narrative of the world, which we have had enough of, has always been that we don’t have a soul, thereby, our loss is not felt, it is inconsequential.

I am sorry that this is a rude awakening for my white friends; I understand the trouble. But I have lived so close to you and among you, and tried to mention it to you tenderly. Instead, I was passed over in favor of your politics, your heritage, your beliefs, your one true religion, and all the privileges that comfort you most.

But here we are now, seeing the outrage of black friends, coworkers, family…. We are the faulty pressure cookers of society. This nation has used us for too many years and forgot to check the lockdown springs which have gotten tired from wanton abuse. Pressure cookers have a warning label. But after the first purchase, no one regards it because they just trust it to be there and serve its purpose, to be discarded or replaced if it ever acts up or doesn’t work right. Mistake. A neglected pressure cooker can burn down your house.

The Truth Is

We’ve been doing our friends and colleagues a tremendous favor by keeping it all pushed down inside of us. But society took advantage of that kindness, that peace, that decision to let it go, that above-board response to the deplorable condition of the white psyche that even punishes dignity. 

But now it’s coming up and out; it's messy, out of control, and dangerous to precious constructs long held and even memorialized. Closet white supremacists and raging racists are losing a grip because officially, for the first time, in a long time, they don't know who specializes in black management.

That is why there is so much hostility and anger towards those black looters if you didn’t know why you were so enraged by what you’ve seen. After doing away with slavery and Jim Crow, and the cops who kill, who is going to specialize in black management? Make America feel safe from its own sins? 

I have lived it every single day of my life--personally managing my range of emotions because I know how important black management is to this country. If I get too angry, even as a mother because a white 4th grader calls my child a b*** in school, I have to withhold, because I have to ensure no one feels threatened by me. I must tend to other people’s feelings instead of my own child’s. This is the kind of mental slavery that, on bad days, can rival physical chains. 

The truth is I’m only a great grandmother removed from long prong iron collars and rusted shackles, and I know, in a heartbeat, some folks wouldn't mind revisiting that concept of order. 

Is it ludicrous to think that way? Only a person of color knows that a white man holding a Bible, at this particular time, is a weapon, an invocation for old systems of government, a signal to the superior heritage mindset that dominance, control, and subjugation will remain the law of this land.  But this is America. Don’t bring that up. We’ve come so far. Not really. 

“When the looting starts, the shooting starts,” 1967, Chief Walter Headley

“When the looting starts, the shooting starts,” 2020, Commander in Chief

Find Your Way

Ugliness is beginning to show. Our government does not condone this. Churches preach against this. Mom groups will not tolerate this. Book clubs will exclude this. Schools don’t want to handle this. 

Once upon a time the slave owner could outright whip someone to death for this kind of revolt. The KKK could use a tree or blow up a building with three little girls inside. Today, the only single solitary option for our modernized world in rejecting this momentum is the militant order to shoot on sight, or change the law. 

Surely, though, it won’t get to that point. Some think. But as much as people are fighting for justice, people in power are becoming unhinged. 

I feel the hate. I feel the love. I feel the terror. I feel too much. 

Today, when you think of me, or anyone who looks like me, when you organize your efforts, when you post your support, when you seek to understand, try with all your might to remember the person inside the skin, the person inside of the race... just know they aren’t ok right now, and that, given our history, it is perfectly acceptable.

I encourage you to find your way, and in finding your way, also may you say...

When you cry, I insist that my pain moans as guttural as yours.

When you cry, I insist that my hope barrels downward

to the bed of the sea, where we trade insecurity.

I have long longed for this clarity. 

This permission to see 

that what you bleed is the equivalent of me. 

Anchored underneath, no notion to flee

We’re lulled by the waves and decidedly, free. 

Emptied and lost,

found, and one. 

Changed and whole

Because, 

suddenly,

you drowned with me.

Pixabay photos used by permission. 

[skaye33]

reputation - In Review

reputation is here and I am so emotionally unprepared. Literally all I can provide are my first impressions from the first time I listened to the album, because I just love the album so fully and I just can’t seem to fully put my emotions into words (although I tried to explain the power of Taylor and reputation below this list). I might come back to this to try and fill it in more once I’ve had some time to process, but for now, here are my rather aggressive notes I took on a plane at 5:00 AM on my way to Boston while listening for the first time. 

1. …Ready for It 

First Impression - I’m not ready for this. After Look What You Made Me Do came out, I was stressed that all of Taylor’s new album was going to be vengeful, angry T referencing her feuds and calling out her haters. But ...Ready For It assured me that we were still going to get our girl back, and that her style had just evolved into something new and challenging and super fun. I listened to this song so many times the first few weeks (especially while pumping myself up for the gym), and I still love it so much. 

Favorite lyrics - Baby, let the games begin.

2. End Game

First Impression - Hot damn. Ed rapping? Future?? TAYLOR SPITTING RHYMES. I’m amazed. I LOVE THIS NEW ERA. It is the perfect late-night living room dance beat I never knew I needed until now.

Favorite lyrics - I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me. And I can’t let you go, your handprints on my soul. It’s like your eyes are liquor, it’s like you body is gold.  

3. I Did Something Bad First Impression - HOLY SHIT SHE SAID SHIT. DAMN, NEW TAYLOR I AM OBSESSED WITH YOU. This one is amazing. So different, so aware, so mature. 

Favorite lyrics - This is how the world works, you gotta leave before you get left.

4. Don’t Blame Me

First Impression - THESE BRIDGES ARE FIRE BURNING OMG. T WITH AN AMAZING COMEBACK, THESE BRIDGES ARE GIVING ME LIFE. Straight fire. Sex. Gospel. HERE. FOR. IT. With all her drug references, she’s definitely not “Clean” any more.

Favorite lyrics - My name is whatever you decide. And I'm just gonna call you mine. I'm insane, but I'm your baby (your baby). Echoes of your name inside my mind.

5. Delicate

First Impression- Damn that verse 2 pickup though. And another killer bridge? What did we do to deserve such perfection? I can’t wait to listen to this while obsessing over a the beginning of a relationships. I love the beat of the verse on this one so much. This is definitely in the top five on the album. How does she encapsulate both the stress and fun at the beginning of a relationship? Oh, because she’s a goddess. 

Favorite lyrics - Third floor on the west side, me and you. Handsome, you’re a mansion with a view.

A second favorite lyrics, for funsies - We can’t make any promises, can we babe, but you can make me a drink.

6. Look What You Made Me Do

First Impressions - Still an amazing song, even though now it feels a bit weird coming right after Delicate.

Favorite lyrics - But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time. Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time. 

7. So It Goes....

First Impressions - THE COUNTING. I’m freaking out. Damn this album is all love, sex, and drama and I LOVE IT. ALSO THE SCRATCHES DOWN HIS BACK I’M CACKLING UNCONTROLLABLY. 

Favorite lyrics - I’m yours to keep, and I’m yours to lose. You know I’m a bad girl, but I do bad things to you. So it goes…

8. Gorgeous

First Impressions - This was my favorite single, and still might be my favorite song on the album (although Getaway Car and Delicate are getting up there). I just relate to it so much, from seeing a gorgeous person from across the room and freaking out mentally to stumbling home to my cats.

Favorite lyrics - You make me so happy it turns back to sad. There’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have.

9. Getaway Car

First Impressions - L.O.V.E. Jack, you are an amazing human being and I want a picture of you and Taylor on my gravestone with these lyrics engraved. This song sounds like Out of the Woods and Jack’s Rollercoaster had a baby and I’ve never been more obsessed with a love child. Also, just another amazing bridge. I can’t handle it.

Favorite lyrics - It was the best of times, the worst of crimes. I struck a match and blew your mind. But I didn’t mean it. And you didn’t see it. The ties were black, the lies were white. In shades of grey in candlelight, I wanted to leave him. I needed a reason (THE DAMN LYRICISM HERE PEOPLE).

10. King of My Heart

First Impressions - Dat beat doe. THE BEST BRIDGE YET.

Favorite lyrics - Late in the night, the city’s asleep. Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep.

And another (the entire bridge, I just love it): Is this the end of all the endings? My broken bones are mending. With all these nights we’re spending, up on the roof with a schoolgirl crush, drinking beer out of plastic cups. Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff. Baby, all at once, this is enough.

11. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

First Impressions - I’m crying just from the intro. I am dead. I need a moment.

Favorite lyrics - I, I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us. So, baby, can we dance? Oh, through an avalanche? And say, say that we got it.

12. Dress

First Impressions - Honestly, not as sexy as I thought it would be. But still amazing. Oh dang, and when she stops singing >>> I can’t wait to sing this to the love of my life to spice things up and to convey how much I love him.

Favorite lyrics - Flashback to my mistakes. My rebounds, my earthquakes. Even in my worst light, you saw the truth in me. And I woke up just in time. Now I wake up by your side. My one and only, my lifeline.

13. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

First Impressions - I LOVE THIS. Literally so fun. I already know I will listen to this song so, so many times this coming summer. And her laugh?? Savage Taylor, I love it. Also, the references to “Runaway” by Kanye??? ICONIC.

Favorite lyrics - Here’s a toast to my real friends. They don’t care about the he-said-she-said. And here’s to my baby. He ain’t reading what they call me lately. And here’s to my momma. Had to listen to all this drama. And here’s to you. Cause forgiveness, is a nice thing to do.

14. Call It What You Want

First Impressions - The comedown. I like this song, and I love that she’s happy and warm and in love, but this is the only song that I’m kind of “ehhh” about. But it’s still so beautifully done.

Favorite lyrics - Starry eyes sparkin' up my darkest night (I just love that one line so, so much).

15. New Years Day

First Impressions - I am literally sobbing on the airplane currently and people are looking because it’s 5:00 in the morning and I am so emotionally devastated, but I don’t care. This song is so beautiful. I can’t handle it. My heart has been broken and mended four times within these four minutes. I cannot wait to sing this song to the love of my life as we wake up to begin a new year together. Or to sing it to the other loves of my life, my cats. Either one deserves the beauty of this song. This is the perfect ending to a perfect album that I will listen to obsessively for the rest of the year.

Favorite lyrics - Hold on to the memories, they will hold onto you (SOB).

I just don’t think people realize how important this album is, to so many people. I have been a fan of Taylor since I was 12 years old. That’s over a decade of listening to her albums on repeat, using them to process beautiful and heartbreaking emotions and experiences that I didn’t have the capacity to process at times. Taylor provided me the means, through her songs and lyrics, to both comprehend and appreciate what I was going through, no matter the context, and to assure me that as alone as I felt sometimes, I never was. Taylor’s albums have always seemed to line up with exactly what I’m going through in my life. Somehow, in those two-to-three short years between albums, she seemed to face the same struggles and triumphs, and her songs gave me a shield, a sword, and a shoulder to cry both sad and happy tears on when I was going through those same things. As she’s grown, I’ve grown, and her songs have literally become a scrapbook for my life. reputation provides new photos to add to that scrapbook. During the past year, I’ve grown immensely. Part of that growth has focused on owning who I am, not curating my life on social media as much, focusing on my happiness and freedom, and not stressing about what other people think of me. While my experiences might not have not been as dramatic or public as hers, I believe reputation provides me justification; it applauds my personal growth, and it says, yes, at this point in your life you’re allowed to accept yourself as you are. You don’t have to fit into other people’s definitions of success, of happiness, of accomplishments. You can define yourself beyond your Instagram account, beyond the four corners of a photograph. You deserve to focus on your happiness and your goals. You should accept your flaws, own up to your past, and allow yourself to be self-aware, because you’ll feel so much better if you do. Taylor gave me new songs to dance around a room to while avoiding work, relationships, and responsibilities. She gave me a soundtrack as I move further into the real, adult world that is both harsh and magical. She gave me a maturity and a playfulness that I can embrace, while still understanding that I will make mistakes, and that’s okay. So, I’m raising a glass of white wine to Taylor, reputation, and the best years lying ahead.

[fitnesshealthyoga-blog]

New Post has been published on https://fitnesshealthyoga.com/yogis-with-cancer-and-chronic-illness-share-their-story/

Yogis with Cancer and Chronic Illness Share Their Story

1. Andrea Clary

“2018 was the most challenging year of my life thus far. I received news that would change my life forever. A diagnosis that hit me like a ton of bricks and would alter my life course. I went from bike riding, teaching yoga, and working full time as mental health professional, to being confined to a hospital room. My body now felt as though it was no longer my own, but a landscape for science and medicine. I endured several rounds of chemo, invasive procedures, and rapid changes in my physical and mental state. I was stripped of my physical strength, my weight, my hair, my practice and many other things I clung to. Suddenly, I had to choose whether to live fully and fight, or give in. I made up in my mind I wasn’t here to give up. I was here to triumph. I held on to this idea through every moment I experienced fear, pain and sorrow. I would say out loud, “This will not be my life.” I was faced with learning how to spiritually grow through stillness in the midst of an experience testing every fiber of my being. In that stillness, I began to discover myself. I discovered grace. A word that was beautifully appointed by my closest friend in my darkest time.

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Yoga isn’t just helping me heal, it’s helping me live. It aided me in fortifying my mind, body and spirit. It helped me understand a new concept of strength, helping me soar over each medical hurdle I faced. I claimed remission and 8 months later, here I am in remission, cancer FREE. Continued healing in my navigation of this second life is a process I work towards through yoga and an evolving spiritual practice. With each day there may be a new challenge and it may thwart you. Keep going anyway. Personal growth is not linear. There may be loops, triggers, setbacks or repeated patterns, but each is designed to help you learn and propel you further. You are more than a diagnosis. You are a soul having experiences bringing you to and through circumstances contributing to growth. You are a source of light made to shine brighter than your wildest dreams. Believe in this, believe in yourself and believe you are uniquely crafted to inspire!”

2. Adria Moses

“Hi, my name is Adria and I define warrior. I very well could’ve gave up 13 years ago after being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. I very well could’ve thrown in the towel 6 years ago after my surgery left me on life support. I could’ve stopped when I couldn’t work and couldn’t afford my car payment anymore. I could’ve given up when I filed bankruptcy alone without a lawyer at 21 because I couldn’t afford to pay my medical bills. I could’ve given up when I suffered from depression and suicide ideation. I could’ve given up at the sight of my own body, now scarred by the trauma. I could’ve not shared this with you but for what? I could’ve done a lot of other things besides get up time and time again. And honestly, my story is very undefined. You see the beauty, you see the healed scar, you see the good and I’m glad. Pain should indeed polish you. But just know that this lotus comes from the mud. And I wouldn’t change a thing. Favored. Highly blessed. And motivated to change the way we view one another. Every one is fighting a battle unseen, don’t you ever forget it. I will continue to be uplifted and shine the light that was so graciously given to me. This is warriorism, undefined. Don’t run from the pain, run towards it.”

3. Yulady Saluti 

Today is my Cancerversary. 7 years ago I opened my eyes from surgery and saw my husband [husband’s] face. Instead of the smile I was expecting I noticed a tear rolling down his cheek. Instinctively I asked him “how did the surgery go?” As soon as he spoke I understood where his beautiful smile had gone. “Honey, you have cancer” were his words. When he spoke the words they seemed to hang in the air for a while. Then the words started to settle. Out of the air the words drifted and took a seat right in the center of my chest. We had been through so many problems with my health already. We held each other and cried. It was one of those cry’s that leaves you heaving for breath. Why me?! Why now?! My mind raced. Finally, after what seemed like forever, we started to take slow deep breaths together. Syncing our breath made it feel like we were one. Cancer had no chance at that point. Together we can do anything. Whatever Cancer wanted it could have. It couldn’t take “us” away from each other no matter what it took from me.”

4. Jessica DiLorenzo 

“A lot can happen in 3 years if you put your heart to it. 3 years of intense emotional and physical healing. 3 years of loving wholeheartedly. 3 years of making peace with new pieces of me. 3 years of receiving guidance and support in so many forms. 3 years of developing skills for deep listening. 3 years of trusting my intuition, of forgetting and remembering. I’m just far away from it now that sometimes I forget it ever happened. Those are the best days. This week I did a lot of reflecting on the struggles and the growth, knowledge, and appreciation for EVERYTHING that came after. Thank you to the teachers (especially the little tiny ones) who guided me straight back to my heart when I started to stray. Presence is everything, and working with children and their teachers/mamas demands it of me. What an honour to serve in aprofession that gives students and teachers voice and freedom to express knowledge, feelings, and creativity in so many forms. This is a great life. I’m thankful to be here with all of you. #3yearsfreeofcancer”

5. Ash “Breast Cancer Yogi”

“When I found out I had breast cancer, I was afraid I’d never achieve my goal of doing a handstand. But I realized it was my LIMITING BELIEFS that were keeping me from even trying:

➣ “I’ll never have the range of motion I did before my mastectomy”

➣ “I’ll never have the strength I did before my mastectomy”

➣ “I will be too sick to train as hard as I want to”

➣ “I am diseased”

➣ “My athletic life is over”

➣ “I might as well give up”

Then I saw people like @paige_previvor hitting the gym after her mastectomy. @katiemarvinney running the Boston Marathon after chemo. These inspiring women were living their lives and crushing their goals–and I wanted to be one of them.

So I replaced my limiting beliefs with positive ones, and just like that… my life overflowed with potential.

➣ “I’ll work within my new limits, but I’ll keep pushing to expand them”

➣ “I can get stronger than I ever was before”

➣ “I will accept off days for what they are, and bounce back with a vengeance”

➣ “I have been given a new chance at life”

➣ “My new athletic life is just beginning”

➣ “I will never give up 

Follow @yogajournal on Instagram to see a weekly spotlight of inspiring yogis in our community. 

Featured photo image credit: Jazella McKeel, courtesy of Andrea Clary

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[momentumgo]

Kelly Kurtz

Motion Designer http://www.kellykurtz.design/ Squamish, BC, Canada Age 38 She/Her

How did you get your start in motion design, animation, or whatever it is that you do?

I have a rather non-linear path to mograph, as many other people’s stories. I started off in a very different industry, but now (after 3 years) my love of the outdoors and motion design have (hopefully) come together.

I come from the adventure tourism industry of 12 years. I was an expedition guide in Canada’s North during the summers, an outdoor education instructor in the spring and fall working with grade 9 & 10’s, and during the winters I worked in Snow School at a local ski hill (Cypress Mountain) teaching ski lessons, supervising, and then in the last 5 years managing all the on snow operations for the department of 180 instructors.

I loved my time as a guide and have so many beautiful memories of guiding (canoeing, backpacking & rafting) as well as working in the ski industry for more than a decade. Guiding multi-day expeditions means you are away from home for months at a time, and your time in between trips is spent cleaning up and prepping for the next trip - which was exciting and worked for me in my 20’s but once I had done it for a decade I started to desire a shift. I had done a lot of photography during my guiding years and found myself up until 3am the night after trip editing photos because it was satisfying and challenging, I wondered if photography could be where my next path led.

I was always curious about design, especially graphic design. One day I met a woman who used to be a kayak guide for 6 years who went back to school to become a freelance graphic designer specializing in brand identity, had 2 young daughters whom she could spend more time with since leaving the guiding world and I saw a seed of possibility.

It took 3 years of thinking about making this shift, and jumping from one career to the next is not a decision to take lightly - but what ultimately pushed me over the edge was a 14 month head & neck injury that I sustained from a skiing accident in the winter of 2012/13.

As horrible and dark as head injuries are, there was a real silver lining in that experience as it became a catalyst for change for me. I applied to a few different art schools with some doodles that I did from when I had my concussion, (as well as some photography I took up during my guiding years), and to my surprise I was accepted into Vancouver Film School’s Digital Design program in the fall of 2015.

I initially was interested in web and app design, but in the first few weeks we worked on a small stop motion project and opened up After Effects and thought WOW - this stuff is amazing. Once we started learning Cinema 4D, and worked on a title sequence project my life really started to change, and that is how I quickly got hooked on Motion.

I really struggled to land a job after I graduated VFS, it took me 7 months to land a job and I felt forced to take it as it was the only job offer that I had, my funds were running out and I was in a depression. I stayed at that company for 10 months but it was very corporate and things didn’t move very fast. I felt like I wasn’t getting the growth I was desiring. I was constantly looking for something else.

I was approached by an advertising agency downtown about a motion design position they were opening up, so I jumped at the chance as I needed the change and was curious about the ad agency world. It was eye opening to work in an ad agency, but my gut told me I didn’t belong. 7 weeks into the job my producer blindsided me in a 1-on-1 meeting and told me she didn’t think I fit in here (first time I’d heard any feedback since being hired), and asked me to think about what I really wanted. Ouch. Unfortunately she was dead right, but it still felt soul crushing at the time. A few days later I handed in my resignation and decided to try freelancing instead of the endless search for the “right” full time job, and Vancouver can be pretty limited with motion design studios.

Freelance felt like a breath of fresh air, I could manage project the way that I wanted to, and mistakes were my own. I was freelance for most of 2018 and tho I had a steep learning curve, I enjoy many aspects of it. I also couldn’t help but think, I wish I had more experience and a larger network to lean on before hopping into freelance. I felt like I grew so much in terms of understanding business and the freelance game, but not as much growth as a designer. I craved to work with other motion designers and learn from them - a luxury that I had perhaps not realized I took for granted while going to school and learning from my very talented classmates.

Now my journey takes another shift as my dream company (Arc’teryx) has recently offered me a motion designer / video editor role that I start in a few weeks. The company is a high end technical outerwear company that I have adored for 20 years. It combines my love of the outdoors with design & video. So perhaps my personal and professional realms have just collided, I hope so as I’d like to be surrounded by like minded people who are passionate about similar things as I am.

How do you define success? What would success look like for you?

Success to me is being able to work with a synergetic team while creating compelling content that I am challenged and rewarded with while maintaining work life balance.

What are some best practices you use today?

Never. Stop. Learning.

Kick self doubt square in the balls. It will sneak up on you when you are least expecting it. EVERYONE goes through it, no one is immune.

Celebrate (and look for) your successes. No matter how small they are. This also helps with point #2

Take responsibility for your own journey. Sit down and write your goals out, give yourself targets to hit, and hold yourself accountable. So what if you can’t find a mentor, that shouldn’t stop you. Most mographers don’t have a mentor, only a lucky few.

How do you balance your work with your personal life? How do the two influence each other?

My work and personal life have always been very closely tied as my past can attest. I think part of the reason I really struggled in my first 2 full time positions as a motion designer was that my personal life was suffering. I was surrounded by people who didn’t go outside, who didn’t ski, who rarely exercised, who I just couldn’t connect with. And when you can’t connect with your team on a personal level, it’s hard to become a well oiled machine. For me, the two have to be very well aligned. Perhaps that is just my desire to have meaningful relationships, perhaps it is because the mountains have always been my first love, or perhaps I was never meant to separate the two.

When I take time to go out for a ski tour in the mountains, take a week off to disappear out of cell range to hang out with old friends in a cabin in the woods, I come back refreshed and feeling grateful for the time I just had. It is an opportunity to recharge and refocus.

How have you learned to practice self-care? What do you do to take care of yourself?

I used to be a workaholic when I was in the ski industry. I could never seem to catch up so I’d work long hours, not take care of myself, my stress levels were constantly running high. That’s when I made a mistake. One that resulted in my world coming to a grinding halt with a 14 month concussion, and it also left my team limping along for an entire season. Since then I’ve had no desire to be a full time workaholic. There is so much more to life. Family, personal, and time in the mountains.

So if I am not accelerating as fast as someone else, it’s because I’m playing the long game. While they are up at 1am watching tutorials I am sleeping because I want to be able to ski tour up 1000m to admire the view, and remind me of why I am alive. There is a culture within mograph that tells us we need to put in the time and practice to get better, and this is absolutely true. But the timeline that we all seem to hold ourselves to may not be the most realistic for staying healthy.

What advice do you have for those just starting out?

Be kind to yourself. Find out what motivates you and utilize that to manage your time and your priorities.

Take courses with School of Motion, Mograph Mentor, and Learn Squared.

Watch and do hella amounts of tutorials. If you are happy with the work you made with a tutorial, give the creator of the tutorial credit if you publish it online, but don’t claim that work as your own (I see this all the time, someone posts some work on Dribbble or Instagram and says they’ve been experimenting, but I know exactly what tutorial it was based on. If someone credits the tutorial maker, there is no harm done.)

Don’t use tutorials as your sole learning tool. Create personal projects, and don’t look at tutorials to carry you through it. Use experimentation while you have the luxury of time to work on that personal project. Your personal style will develop out of this, not out of tutorials. And consequently so will your confidence.

Listen to Podcasts (School of Motion, Mograph Mentor, Motion Hatch, Animalators, & The Futur).

Get out an network, physically and online. Both are important. Develop those relationships, they are everything in this industry

Go to 1 - 2 conferences per year, they are worth every penny. Get inspired, meet the people whose work you idolize, then use that to fuel your next sprint.

Create A LOT of work. Publish it.

Take care of yourself and stop judging yourself against others. You don’t know their journey, priorities, sacrifices or motivations.

[markwatkinsconsumerguide]

Consumer Guide / No.77 / she’s the leader of the band, Verity White with Mark Watkins.

MW : Verity, tell me about the band & what’s your management style?

VW : The band started out as just me and my husband Alex, formed after I'd come back from a tour in 2016 as a backing vocalist with the prog-rock band Pendragon. While we'd been on tour, I'd been asked by a number of their fans where they could buy my music and, having written songs since I was 13 and never put any out there, this was the kick up the arse I needed to get going with it all!

We started working on our first release (Parentheses) as a tester to see if people liked it, and it snowballed from there. We then enlisted Joe Kelly on bass and Al McIntosh on drums and started performing live (our first band gig was only in January 2017!) - but myself and Alex still write all the music.

As for management, I'm quite lucky that the only person that I ever need to convince to do something is myself, the guys love performing and rock music as much as I do and we just roll with it month-to-month. This year (2019) is the first year that I've had a strategy for the band, so it's all beginning to get very grown up - and - a little more serious; but having fun and making great music will always be the heart of it.

MW : Describe your band’s sound / influences...

VW : I  always struggle with this! I feel that our older releases have so much going on in them that people found it hard to put us in a genre. Now, we have a clearly defined sound and I think that people will find that when they listen to the new album (due February 2019) and the most recent singles - THAT they're much more rock and much less 'ooh what's going on with this synth over here...'

Having found like-minded bands represented in groups such as the New Wave of Classic Rock group on Facebook, I think we're definitely have a affinity with that category : simply put, it's rock music - feisty, female-fronted rock music!

Influences? - comes from a range of rather amazing females such as Skunk Anansie, Le Tigre, Aretha Franklin, Tori Amos, Amanda Palmer; as well as alternative rock groups such as Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana and Tool - the list is really endless, but there's a huge 90s music style referenced throughout our tracks.

MW : What's the best review you've had so far (& by whom)?

VW : I loved this quote from Down The Front Media :- "her lyrics are poetic, her message is inspirational and her voice is sublime." (thanks again guys!) - it's always so wonderful when people really spend time listening to what I'm saying in the songs,  as I put a huge amount of personal experience into their stories.

MW :  What can people expect to see live?

VW :  Fun, sweat and rock! We're not the kind of band who stand limply on stage avoiding eye contact - it's much more engaging and exciting than that, and very energetic. Good job too as the band love a road burger on the way home ;)

MW :  What was the first record you bought? The last ?

VW : Nooo, this is too embarrassing!  The first record I ever bought with my own pocket-money was Kylie's Hand on Your Heart (shame!)

The most recent purchase was the new Halestorm album (and very good it is!).

MW :  What do you think about the new changes at BBC Radio 2 i.e more female presenters on Daytime scheduling?

VW : Always up for more female presenters, it's been a long time coming. In the whole industry women are underrepresented, and that is often due to us being written off once we hit 25! Its a shame it's still like that but its good things are moving forwards.

MW :  What radio stations do you listen to?

VW: I actually don't listen to radio. I buy or download the music I like and listen at my own leisure. I'm quite picky, so radio doesn't usually cater for my tastes.

MW :  What (old) TV show do you miss & why?

VW : Quantum Leap - because it was AWESOME! I had such a crush on Sam Beckett, and Al was just brilliant!

MW : ...your Top 10 1990's albums, and say something about your No.1...

VW :

10. Nirvana - Nevermind (1991)

9.  Bjork - Post (1995)

8.  RHCP - Blood Sugar Sex Magik (1991)

7.  Nine Inch Nails - The Downward Spiral (1994)

6. Portishead - Dummy (1994)

5.  Alanis Morissette - Jagged Little Pill  (1995)

4. Skunk Anansie - Stoosh (1996)

3. Tool - Aenima (1996)

2.  Lamb - Lamb (1996)

1.  Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile  (1999)

I still come back to The Fragile album time and time again. It's so complex and emotional, amazingly written and always an inspiration. It was a real turning point in my life when I first got my hands on this too, so many amazing memories. Fun fact - Alex and I had our first dance to The Fragile at our wedding.

MW :  Which New Year's' resolutions (if any) are you keeping to, maybe breaking already?!

VW : I don't do New Years resolutions - because you have to power to resolve to change things at any time, why should it be just once a year?  

MW :  What do you think to the “Yellow Vests” protests throughout France?

VW : I understand why they're doing it. So much seems to be totally bonkers politically and none of us feel like we have any control over it. This is at least a way that people in France feel they can affect change. I don't agree with any violence that might ensue, though. It's a shame that so many people are in situations where they feel that their opinions are marginalised, and that so many of the people in power - that can actually do things about this - don't seem to understand why, or don't want to? I could talk about this for ages so I'll leave it there, but it's just sad that we're all stuck within something we feel we have no control over.

MW :  Where can we keep tabs on your movements!

VW: The website is www.veritywhite.com. I'm also on instagram (original_verity) Facebook (@veritywhiteband) and Twitter (@veebear) so feel free to drop by and say..Hello! 

For more / other information please contact Manilla PR

http://manillapr.com/

© Mark Watkins / January 2019