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motorsportbarbie13 · 3 days ago

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Post It - Part 6 - LN4

when lando stumbles upon a random tiktok of a pretty american influencer, he can't stop himself from sliding into her DMs. what happens next is more than both of them ever bargained for.

warnings/notes: angsty and descriptions of anxiety. swearing. Big giant huge thank you to @lestapiastrisgirl as usual for helping me out with the motivation in this chapter. You’re the bestest 🫶🏻. pairing: lando norris x influencer!reader word count: 4.3k words

|| - Part 1 || - Part 2 || - Part 3 || - Part 4 || - Part 5 ||

*Transcript of sit down interview between McLaren Formula 1 Driver Lando Norris & ESPN Commentator David Croft (“Crofty”) LIVE on ESPN*

Crofty: This year has started out with a lot of pressure on you, more so than years before.

Lando: *grinning* Yeah, it’s a bit nuts isn’t it?

Crofty: Well deserved though, well deserved. After your performance in Abu Dhabi and then the first few races this year, it’s been non-stop pressure.

Lando: It has, but the pressure is a good thing. At least for me it is. It means we’re doing good, the expectations going into this year were high and so far it seems like the team and I are living up to them.

Crofty: I’d say so. A win in Australia, Japan, and last time out in Saudi Arabia. For someone who just got their first win in Formula 1 last year, that’s a lot of success real quick.

Lando: The team worked hard, I worked hard, we all deserve the rewards of it.

Crofty: How has it been personally? You look like a different person compared to last year. A lot more confident, more relaxed. Are you doing anything different this year?

Lando: I mean, coming off the Constructors win last year was a huge boost to my confidence. I’ve got a lot of good people in my corner and I’m focusing on finding time between races to really center myself and make sure I tune out the noise.

Crofty: Tuning out the noise. What does that look like?

Lando: I’ve been using those off-weeks when I’m not in Woking to disconnect. My girlfriend and I spent the week before the Japan GP in Osaka. We just totally unplugged from everything. It was really nice.

Crofty: (smirks because he *knows* he’s got a viral clip on his hands.) And then you went and won that race?

Lando: *nods, small smile on his lips* I did.

When Lando finishes his interview with Crofty ahead of the Miami GP in May, the first thing he sees is his press officer looking like she swallowed a lemon.

“Everything okay, Corinne?” He asks, following her towards McLaren’s hospitality where they have some more content to film later that afternoon.

“Next time you confirm the fact that you have a girlfriend to Crofty on Live TV, could you at least give me some warning?” She snaps back, fingers flying furiously over the keyboard of her iPhone.

Lando stops in his tracks, starting after his press officer as she continues to speed walk through the sweltering Miami heat. “I did what?” He chokes, suddenly terrified to open his phone.

Corinne stops, finally noticing her charge isn’t beside her anymore, trowing him a ‘are you kidding me’ look. “‘My girlfriend and I spent the week before the Japan GP in Osaka’” She mimics. “Does that ring a bell, Norris?”

Despite the humidity, Lando breaks out in a cold sweat. You probably hadn’t seen the interview yet, you were flying into Miami from Boston right now and as far as he knew you hadn’t landed. “Oh God,” He groans. “She’s going to kill me.”

Corinne looks up at him, taking a momentary break from monitoring the comments on McLaren’s latest post. ESPN hadn’t posted the clip but she was certain once someone registered what Lando had said, it would be up on all platforms. Twitter was starting to chatter about it now though, so it was only a matter of time before it broke elsewhere.

“That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think? You two have been begging people to gossip about you since she showed up at the track with you in China. Much to my dismay, might I add.”

That was true, Lando supposed. The Japan trip had been a turning point, with both of you freely and brazenly including the other in your own social media. Nothing had ever been confirmed but it had been obvious and when you both had seen the kind of engagement and fun fans were having, you both kind of leaned into it.

So, it wasn’t the fact that he thought you’d want to hide. That wasn’t it at all.

“She’s going to kill me because I haven’t actually asked her to be my girlfriend yet.” He groans before reaching for his phone.

“Lando Norris.” Corinne sighs heavily, shaking her head.

Lando trails behind Corrine as he types a quick text to you, ignoring the amount of red bubbles above his Intagram and Twitter icons. That was not a good sign.

*Whatever you do, don’t check any socials before you call me when you land.*

In hindsight, he probably could have led with a different message but in his defense, he was beginning to spiral. Everything had been going so well between you two and he was so scared to rock the boat. You’d been all but confirming your relationship since Japan but you hadn’t ever really hard launched anything. Mostly because you hadn’t discussed it. You knew you were a better person when he was around and he knew that he craved your presence like starved man in the desert. You and Lando were both a bit gun shy when it came down to it though so the serious discussion of what you two meant to each other just hadn’t happened.

As he walks behind Corinne back to hospitality, another wave of panic washes over him. Girlfriend. You two had known each other for less than six months. He knew how he felt and how full send he was prepared to go for you but what if this was too fast for you? What if, while you didn’t want to be hidden or denied, being outed like this so quickly was going to be too much for you? He knew about your anxiety, the pressure you faced, the way you took things to heart just a little bit too much. He knew that because he saw himself do that and recognized it in you instantly.

What if publicly outing you too quickly scared you off?

“Lando, are you okay?” A thick Australian accent yanks Lando out of his spiral. His head snaps up to see Oscar standing in the middle of the second level of the hospitality suite.

He wasn’t even sure how the hell he got up here, to be honest.

Lando groans as he sits down on one of the couches in the open room, watching as Corinne joins some of the other comms staff probably trying to figure out how best to fix his blunder.

Oscar looks around, fairly confused. He’d just woken up from a quick nap ahead of some more media obligations and had no idea what was going on. “What happened now?”

Lando shoots him a look, as if Oscar wasn’t totally aware of his teammates innate ability to put his foot square into his mouth at the most inopportune times. “I resent the fact that you just assume I fucked up.”

Oscar just blinks at him, patiently waiting.

It takes a few moments before Lando huffs, throwing his hands up in the air. “I called her my girlfriend during my interview with Crofty.”

Oscar quirks a brow. “Is she not your girlfriend?” He asks carefully.

“We haven’t talked about it and now she’s going to think I’m a psycho outing our relationship to the public without even discussing it with her first.” Tipping his head against the back of the couch, he closes his eyes. “Relationship? I don’t even know what the fuck we’re doing or if she even wants to be in a relationship.”

“You’ve never talked about it?”

Lando sits with the question for a moment. He was obsessed with you, that was for sure. He craved being around you and was starting to feel like he knew you deeper than anyone else in his life. But beyond the very ‘in the moment’ relationship you two seem to have been developing, there hadn’t been much discussion about the future. About what spending time together now meant for a year from now.

10 years from now.

And now he’s sped up the timeline of having that very scary, very serious discussion all because of his stupid mouth.

A discussion that needed to happen though, to see if you two were on the same page. He knew what he wanted and it was you but you always seemed to shy away from talk of the future, from talk beyond the next few months.

What if you didn’t see a future with him and you were just enjoying the moment with him because you knew it wouldn’t last? What if you didn’t want him for the long haul and what if he had just brought everything delicate and raw to the surface where it didn’t belong?

“Fuck, Osc. I wanted this to be different. I wanted to do things different with her. Better.” He glances up towards his teammate who’s looking at him with soft, understanding eyes. They’d become close over the 2 plus years they’d been teammates and Oscar hated seeing his friend like this. “I wanted to be better for her and here I am, still the same fuck up that can’t watch my mouth and now it’s going to ruin everything. I already got a second chance with her, I don’t think the universe is going to give me a third.”

Miami race weekend was supposed to be a fun weekend. It was supposed to be the first time in two weeks that you’d seen Lando since leaving him after the Bahrain race. It was supposed to be a weekend spent in the face paced world that revolved around this man that smiled at you with stars in his eyes.

But it started off as anything but.

You had stayed up until 3am the night before, attempting to finish editing your most recent travel vlog that followed you from Bahrain to the brand trip in London and then home where you’d been for the last two weeks. Once you had nearly finished you had practically passed out, forgetting to set a second and third alarm like you usually needed to when you pulled a late night. As a result, you had slept through your one and only alarm. Normally it wouldn’t have been a problem because you were psycho about getting to the airport early enough and you usually had plenty of time from when you woke up to the time you had to leave but apparently today was going to be an exception to the rule.

When your third Uber canceled on you, you knew you were in for a difficult travel day. Finally on your fourth try, you had to order a more expensive Uber Black but it got you to the airport just in time. Thankfully, the security line was short enough so you weren’t booking it through the airport at a flat out run, just a light little jog.

And then as soon as you went to pay for your over-priced smoothie and croissant sandwich for breakfast, you realized you had left your debit card at home. Thankfully, you always carried a credit card or two just in case, but it was going to be annoying to have to make that extra step at the end of the month to make sure you paid off the balance of the credit card instead of just using cash.

With the late arrival and card debacle you were able to get to your gate just as boarding was finishing up and you barely made it onto the plane. As soon as you flopped into your window seat in first class, stretching out while looking forward to the sick nap you were about to take to make up for your lack of sleep the night before you realized you had left your headphones at home.

“Oh you have got to be kidding me.” You sigh, feeling the tears prick at the corners of your eyes.

It was almost just too much. The lack of sleep, the forgotten debit card, the fact that you missed Lando so fiercely it was starting to scare you. It all just felt like too much to deal with and suddenly, as you sat in the seat listing to a baby back in economy start to sob violently as the plane pulled away from the gate, you wondered if you really should be going on this trip at all. Because it certainly seemed like the universe was throwing everything it had at you to keep you away from Miami.

In a break from how your day seemed to be going, your flight takes off on time but the flight itself is a drawn out exercise in frustration. The baby’s cries, initially a sharp piercing sound morph into a dull, persistent ache behind your eyes. You had brought a book to read but every time you attempted to start the next chapter, the words just blurred together in a watercolor mess of ink and anger.

Every bump of turbulence, every ding of the seatbelt sign, every offer of assistance from the well-meaning flight attendant pushes you just a bit closer to the edge until you’re ready to scream half way over South Carolina. You were desperate for a glass of some sort of alcohol, longing for the way the drink would dull your senses and lull you into what you knew would be a fitful sleep. But at least it would be sleep.

You didn’t ask for anything though, knowing that the Miami heat you were about to spend the weekend in would not be good mixed with a hangover. Not to mention it was about 11 o’clock in the morning. Getting drunk, even in first class, seemed like a good way to tempt fate and ask for trouble. Besides, you wanted to be fully present when you finally got to see Lando after what felt like an eternity away from him. You didn’t want to extend your streak of bad luck you were experiencing today so instead of dropping off to sleep with the help of some wine, you settled for staring out the window.

Eventually, a few hours into the flight, you try to distract yourself by finishing the last bits of editing your vlog needed before posting it but just the thought of starting at a screen for any length of time makes your head throb even worse. Instead, you’re left with your own thoughts, which spiraled into a vortex of anxieties. You had a habit of creating the most ridiculous worst case scenarios in your mind when you were like this, all worked up and sleep deprived. You should have pulled yourself out of the anxiety spiral but you miss all the signs of where you’re headed until it’s too late.

Thoughts of Lando and how much you miss him and the strange uncertain territory your relationship was at dominate your thoughts. How, despite spending a stupid amount of time with him and getting to know him on a level that you’d never experienced before, you were still uncertain with where you stood with him. Close enough to post each other on your socials, spinning up rumors and speculation but not close enough for him to ask you to be more than…whatever it was you were doing.

By the time the plane began its descent into Miami, your body felt like a tightly wound spring, ready to snap at the slightest provocation. You were exhausted, frustrated, and overwhelmed. The thought of facing whatever awaited you in Miami felt like a challenge you weren’t ready to deal with, even if you had no idea if anything at all was even going to go wrong. You could just feel it in your bones something was going to happen. It was just that kind of day.

You knew, deep down, that you were being dramatic and that everything you’d dealt with today were just a string of minor inconveniences but for whatever reason, they felt like the heaviest things you could carry. It felt like the weight of the world had settled heavy and thick on your shoulders and you tried not to wander into the thinking that maybe this weekend was a mistake.

And then you switched your phone back on as soon as the plane landed and your worst fears were confirmed. An explosion of notifications littering the screen along with an ominous text from Lando: Whatever you do, don’t check any socials before you call me when you land.

Oh fuck.

The doubts that you’d spent the entire flight stewing over resurface all over again, panic washing over you like a tsunami. As you wait for the plane to get to the gate, the scenarios of what could have happened in the brief time you were flying race through your head. You choose not to check social media, wanting to hear the worst of it from Lando himself. You’re certain it’s bad because he didn’t follow it up with anything light hearted like he usually does. No jokes. No silly memes. Nothing. Just ‘call me when you land’.

Fuck.

Maybe he’d been caught cheating on you. But was it cheating if you’d never actually had a conversation about what you were to each other? Probably not but you knew it would still hurt like hell. You hoped it wasn’t with Allegra, although she had been spotted in Saudi Arabia. Lando had never mentioned her though so…

Maybe he’d been photographed with a different girl all together. Maybe he was bored of you. You’d been accused of being just another bland blond influencer more times than you could count and maybe Lando had finally started to see the same things your critics did. Maybe he’d deleted all of his posts with you because you were bad for his image.

The scenarios flew through your mind, spreading like wildfire as you followed your seat mate off the plane. The airport was busy, with people arriving for the race weekend already and the typical crowds that Miami attracted combining together to create an unusually busy terminal. You didn’t want to do this here though. Not in the middle of an airport. You refused to cry in public and you just knew that that’s exactly what was coming.

It takes you nearly half an hour before you’re able to find a quiet corner tucked away from the hustle and bustle of the busy airport. You had to do this now before you left just in case you needed to make an emergency trip back to Boston. Which you suspected you’d need to do once you got done speaking with Lando.

How had it gone so bad so quickly? You were just thinking about how much you missed him. How you wanted to talk to him later tonight about what you two were doing, what you meant to him and how much he was beginning to mean to you. And here you were, about to get dumped before you were even official.

Tapping his contact info in your phone, you decide it’s time to face the music.

Lando picks up after one ring.

“Hi baby.” His voice is shaky when he answers, thick with nerves.

Here it comes, you think, leaning against the cool stone wall of the alcove you’ve tucked yourself into, hoping it gives you some privacy when he drops the news of whatever’s happened.

“Hi Lan.” You breathe, voice equally as shaky. “So…what happened?”

“Fuck. I’m so sorry baby but…” His voice drops away and you squeeze your eyes shut, fingers gripping at the handle of your tote bag. “I slipped up in my interview with Crofty about an hour ago and called you my girlfriend on live tv.”

You swear your heart stops and your stomach drops out of your body.

“What?” You whisper, blinking away tears that have been threatening since you slept through your alarm this morning.

Lando sighs heavily, “I know. I’m so sorry, my love. I really am. It wasn’t intentional, I swear. I guess I’ve been calling you my girlfriend in my head for so long, it just kind of slipped out. I didn’t even realize what I’d said until Corinne pointed it out ”

He is totally spiraling, you realize. Just like you are but for a totally different reason. “Lan…” You start but he interrupts you before you can even get his name out of his mouth.

“I know, I know! I fucked up. I am so sorry, baby. So fucking sorry. I’ve been working so hard the last few months to think before I open my mouth but Crofty was asking how I’m handling the pressure this year and it just…came out. Talking about you and how you’re helping me deal. It just felt natural, calling you my girlfriend. I didn’t even blink. And now you’re probably freaking out because we haven’t even discussed what we mean to each other and I just went ahead like a bull in a china shop.” Lando drags in a shaky breath on the other line and you tip your head back against the wall.

“Lando…” You try to interrupt but he’s on a roll.

“I wanted to do this right. I wanted to tell you how you make me want to be a better person, how your presence calms the noise in my head and how when I’m around you I feel like I can breathe. How the last two weeks without you have been fucking shit because I can’t seem to sleep without you next to me. But instead, I had to open my fucking mouth to Crofty and ruin everything…”

The genuine panic in his voice tugs at your heart. Here you were worrying that he was about to break up with you, to confess he’d been hooking up with other girls while you’d been in Boston but he had just simply outed your relationship to the press? You can hear the genuine panic in his voice, the fear that he’s ruined everything. Lando is so convinced you’re going to be furious, that you’re going to reject him, that he’s tripping over his words trying to explain himself and confessing things he probably didn’t mean to.

Suddenly, something unexpected happens.

You start to laugh.

It bubbles up from deep within you. It’s a wave of relief and amusement that washes over you. All of the tension, the anxiety, the fear of being rejected you’d been spiraling over for the last however many hours just dissipates in a burst of laughter.

“You’re…laughing?” Lando asks, confusion clawing at his voice. “But…I thought you’d be mad.”

“Mad?” You repeat, still chuckling. “Lando, I’ve had the absolute worst day today and then I get that text from you? I’ve been picturing every worst-case scenario imaginable for the past hour. I thought you’d been caught with another girl or you’d decided you didn’t want me or…I don’t know, something equally as dramatic. Calling me your girlfriend on live TV? That’s tame compared to where my brain was going.”

“Cheating?” Lando scoffs, relief flooding his entire body as he listens to you chuckle. “Jesus Christ, baby, I’m obsessed with you. You should know that by now.” He pauses, dragging in a breath. “So, you’re not mad?”

“Not even a little bit.” You say, your laughter subsiding finally, a smile playing on your lips. “In fact, I think it’s kind of sweet. Also a unique way to finally hard launch. How mad is Corinne?”

Now it’s Lando’s turn to laugh. “Oh she was pissed at me but I think she’s happy she’ll finally get to stop seeing the comments asking the official McLaren account if we’re actually dating or not.”

“I’m going to get some wine and chocolate for the entire comms team on my way to the track for what they put up with from us.” You murmur, standing up to stretch out your aching muscles. Mood lightened, you start towards baggage claim so you can attempt to find an Uber to get to the hotel.

Lando chuckles, “Are you still at the airport?”

You hum, “I hid myself in an alcove because I didn’t want to cry when you dumped me before we were even official.”

Lando groans, “I’m so sorry. That text probably wasn’t the best thing to lead with, was it?”

You can’t help the laugh that escapes your lips. “No, lets add that to the list of things not to start off a conversation with.”

“Done.” Lando chuckles. “Now can you please go find the driver I sent for you and get your ass to the track? I really fucking miss you.”

Your eyes soften as you walk through the final doors of the terminal where the baggage claim was along with the hired drivers. “You sent a driver for me?”

“Of course I did. He’ll get you to the paddock and then take your bags to the hotel. I booked you your own room but you if you want you can stay with me this weekend…”

Something warms deep in your belly as you spot the man dressed in black holding a sign with your name written on it. “Cancel the other room, Lan. I want to stay with you this weekend.”

You can practically hear Lando’s shoulders sag in relief. “Okay. Now please hurry to the track, I’m 2 weeks behind in kisses.”

“You’re ridiculous.” You chuckle as you approach the driver Lando sent for you.

“Ridiculously obsessed with you.” He quips.

“Okay, I’m hanging up now.” You roll your eyes, but smile despite how cheesy his line was.

“See you soon, my love!” Lando shouts before you end the call, smile on your lips and an extra bit of kick in your step as you follow the driver towards the car.

lando posted

lando oops. secrets outtt yourusername STRAIGHT to jail for that second one >>>lando but you're so cute, pretty girl ❤️ >>>yourusername unfair use of my favorite nickname, 5 second time penalty. >>>lando i'm taking this to the stewards >>>yourusername ok, george russel >>>user938 now this is the content we've been BEGGING for >>>user223 oh she is going to be a PROBLEM. I love it. user109 SECRET??? boy bye. you two were the worst kept secret on the internet. User238 anyone got eyes on Allegra??? 👀 👀👀

yourusername posted

yourusername can confirm ��️ lando god DAMN your boyfriend is a lucky man >>>yourusername ikr??? user928 girl is out here living the DREAM >>>user029 nah, lando's the lucky one. out here waking up to HER. (liked by @/lando) user2929 literally the 'cute couple aesthetic' from pinterest user445 the way he just confidently said 'my girlfriend and i'. i've NEVERRRRR seen him act like this before. >>>user202 ik allegra WISHES this was her >>>user445 oh she is somewhere in europe SEETHING rn

its_allegra_babes posted

its_allegra_babes miami for a bit...heard there was a car race going on or something ;) user939 ohhhhhhhh no babes. there is still time to delete this user029 oh. oh no. who's gonna tell her? >>>user299 SHHHH lets see what happens when she finds out herself user002 oh this is going to be messy. user0929 starting a gofundme to send SOMEONE to the paddock this weekend to just...record.

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idiopathicsmile · 3 days ago

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this happened my senior year of high school.

i had recently gotten into my dream school (which was also the only school i applied to; kids, don't be like me) and was feeling kind of buoyed. so buoyed, in fact, that when the topic of my dream school came up and a boy i'd never met before (he was cute, which will unfortunately be relevant) expressed his interest in going to the same school, i said, "sure, you should apply, why not?"

to which he expressed his chief concern, which was that his ACT score was pretty bad. (for those of you who didn't have to take the ACT, it's a standardized test used for college admissions in parts of the US).

he then told me his ACT score.

it was not good

but as i said, i was buoyed

and as i said, he was cute

so i cheerfully told him, "hey, you could still have a shot. i mean, i got in, so how hard could it be?"

and he replied, "yeah, but you're, you know, a girl."

at which point, of course, about nine things happened in my head simultaneously. i hesitate to describe all of them, like, can you render in words the force of an explosion by naming each individual piece of debris?

yes, i did instantly downgrade his appeal from "cute" to "oh god not in a million years"

this was during the end of affirmative action at the school in question which i think(?) was what he was referring to???

except of course there was never affirmative action for the category "girl" and if anything there might have been a slight tilt towards accepting boys bc they're the ones colleges historically have a harder time getting

but jesus, how rude

"you know" is the part that actually gets me; he was tacitly telling me to sign off on my own supposed unfair advantage

what a mindframe with which to move through the world, like i can't stress enough that i had never met this dude before in my life so why would he just ASSUME the only way i could've gotten in was by leveraging my sex

and yes, mixed in with my shock was some awareness, which would only be sharpened by the four years of liberal arts education i was about to receive, that my shock was itself a privilege, that most people who get accused of being diversity hires or whatever live in a world in which they are always kind of tensed and waiting for it

ever get so angry you feel like lasers are gonna start shooting out of your eyeballs?

ever know, to the core of your soul, that if you express an eyelash of the anger you're feeling, you are gonna lose the other person in your next breath, and he'll just walk away shrugging "wow what a bitch"?

anyway, what i said was, "well, that's probably not why i got in. probably i got in because—"

at which point i told him my ACT score

and look, i think we can probably all agree that the whole notion of assessing someone's college readiness through a standardized test is, at best, a waste of fucking time and at worst, a racist and classist exercise in which only the privileged can access the resources necessary to pass the damn test in the first place

(i certainly agree)

but while it is in no way whatsoever a measure of a person's intelligence or other college-ready skills, i can and will absolutely kick a standardized test's ass.

my ACT score was a full ten points higher than his

if you took the SAT or another test like it, that might not sound like much, but bear in mind: the ACT is only out of 36

like, you do the math (i won't because i'm not being tested)

i don't remember what he said then. i suspect not much.

"which is bullshit," i said, because it was and is. i guess we all agreed because that is the end of the memory.

anyway, the moral of the story is: before you make that self-deprecating comment, always remember, you're giving your audience the option of agreeing with you.

#i was randomly reminded of this the other day while listening to If Books Could Kill #they were talking about how colleges sometimes scramble to let in guys and this memory hit me like a damn bell

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sunrisecaminus · 18 hours ago

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hello !! can i have some headcanons for starscream, knockout, breakdown, and airachnid (or any of them) with a human artist reader who follows them around and wants to draw them ?? thank you ><

Message - All four of these mechs are egotistical as hell, they would cherish everything their human made so this is perfect as headcanons.

Starscream/Knockout/Breakdown/Airachnid x Artist Reader Headcanons

Summary - Decepticons react to their human painting/drawing them.

Warnings - None

Starscream

Honestly he is the best mech for this type of thing. He LOVES when you draw him doing things that make it look cool. Sometimes whenever you draw him in a bad angle, he quickly tells you "Scratch it!" and watches as you quickly scribble the portrait and flip to a blank paper to restart. Starscream sees you as his secretary and pretends to order you around. "Y/n write that down!", "That is perfect for my new profile.", and "Draw me like this". If you couldn't draw him that day for being sick or being too tired, he would check up on you every hour from being so worried about you. He loves when you follow him like a puppy and doesn't want his human to die. He gets super protective about your work and would give someone a hard time if they said your art sucked. Starscream would hide you all the time from lord Megatron; he was never going to let his leader hurt the sweet little pet he got from earth. Look, Starscream understands you were a weak useless little bug for the war, and could never help them out when it comes to battling, but he doesn't care. He doesn't want you to feel alone like he use to feel, wanting you to stay safe with him and let you draw any of your masterpieces without insulting you. No he is not really good at drawing people, but after helping him learn how to draw, you realized he was very good at backgrounds.

Knockout

He has to be one of the worse people to draw, surprisingly. Knockout would go in position to let you draw him, but than thinks of a better position to draw and switches it half way for you to redraw him even though you were already focused on the first. The more the mech loves themselves, the worse it is for them to SIT STILL. Thankfully now you don't tell him when you are drawing him and secretly sketch him when he works. When Knockout sees the final portrait, he would give you compliments for the rest of the day. "My! You even got my fingers right. You flatter me~" Get ready for kisses of approval. If anyone said your drawings was shit, he would actually kill them during surgery or put them in the most torturous situations. For example, lets say a guy tells you in the face that the sketch looked like aft; If that soldier was ever injured after a battle, get ready for Knockout to just deny him his medical services. He treats you like an equal, but some would say he treats you like you were higher than Megatron. Anything you asked of him, he would answer. If you wanted something, it was his mission to give it to you. Nothing would stop him from loving you, now please give him more drawings of himself. If you taught him how to draw, he would be AMAZING at drawing people. He makes really good blueprints of Cybertronian frames and even can draw you very well. Honestly, you probably have a new drawing buddy.

Breakdown

This big boi gets so flustered every time you draw him. Breakdown can't believe his human looks up to him like that and cherishes you for showing him love in your own way. Every paper you give him makes him feel very nervous on touching it. Breakdown doesn't ever want to ruin your stuff. He will keep every single one of them and look at them in his Birth room anytime he felt stressed or angry about something. You were everything to him, wanting to protect you from the other rough soldiers he works with. Anybody that says your art is crap will get the beat down of a life time. People don't understand why he cares so much, but honestly he is one of the sweetest souls that could be with you. You mostly draw him when he is in action, taking in all the good angles of him smacking Autobots. Breakdown is proud of all the shots you got of him and pats you on the head for such good sketches. He understands you will be losing your supplies the more you sketch, so he tries to rob trucks going by to try and steal some for you. It is cool from how many different paint products he can find for you and it gives you a bigger variety of things for creativity. If you helped him figure out how to draw, he would be good at emotional paintings. Breakdown is good at making shapes and splattering paint perfectly where it should be on the canvas.

Airachnid

So we all know this freak would replace species heads with your art. She would force you to draw every species she was able to collect so she could have your achievements on paper forever. She loves it when you draw her, and hangs them everywhere on her ship. Airachnid is really good at complimenting or critiquing your work, being able to tell you where something needs to be fixed while also saying she doesn't care if you don't and still loves your style. No one would insult you for the mere fact that you are Airachnid's pet. No one would dare call your art a piece of scrap because Airachnid would murder them in front of Megatron, even if he tells her not to. Yes, she has little star stickers to put on the edge of your paintings to show which one she likes the most…yes she stickers all your art so you can't figure out which one her favorite is. Don't try to ever draw other people in front of her, she will get jealous and keep you hostage in her ship as punishment. If you had trouble finding art supplies, she would destroy a Walmart for you in no time. Her human will have a storage full of supplies, don't worry you will never run out. If you taught her to paint, she would be really good at graffiti style. Making animals or spraying bubble letter graffiti around where she killed to tease/anger the Autobots is her favorite pass time.

#maccadam #tfp #transformers #transformers x reader #transformers prime #transformers x y/n #transformers x human #starscream #starscream x reader #breakdown #breakdown x reader #knockout #knockout x reader #airachnid #airachnid x reader

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mistymisfit · 18 hours ago

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Can you please make an AK jason a-z nsfw alphabet please. The jason one was so good ❤️🎀

Sorry this took so long 😭😭😭and tysm, i actually didn't think about writing an ak!jason version of this but really enjoyed it (once i got over my writer's block) I think all of them are GN, if not lmk and I'll edit it. Mentions of size difference in point X (i think). original version Minors and blank blogs DNI!!

Dirty A-Z headcanon game

Btw these are all personal headcanons !!! And AK!Jason is waaaay more traumatized than comic Jason. Keep in mind that these are written thinking that reader's a civilian and there's a previous relationship to him being kidnapped as I don't see him trusting anyone new, or if he does, it takes him quite a long time to get to the point of sleeping with them.

A - Alone time (how do they get off when they’re all by themselves? do they watch porn, is it all in their imagination, do they jerk off, do they use toys?)

Let's start by saying this man has a lot of issues with intimacy and sexuality. He thinks those parts of himself are rotten, until he reunites with you. So if he does it's mostly to relieve stress or to chase the dopamine the brain releases, to feel good for at least a moment.

B - Bondage (do they like it? do they not? do they prefer to be the one being tied or the one doing the tying?)

Not to repeat myself, but there's absolutely no way in a million years he's letting himself be tied up. I don't hc him as being a "I suffered so you have to suffer to" with a romantic partner (Batman can go to hell idc) so his feelings on tying you up are pretty much the same, he went through a lot with joker so the sight would only bring back bad memories. After all, he still loves you, even if his way of showing it changed drastically when he came back.

C - Crying (is it a turn on? a turn off? do they cry during sex? have they cried during sex? what was the reason?)

There's no way he isn't crying-- and trying to hide it too. There's a lot of tears involved the first time you do it, what gets him to cry is how soft and gentle you are with him. You reassure him that you love him, you missed him, and that none of that should've happened to him. Your kindness is so foreign to him that he doesn't know what to do with himself, and when you kiss his tears away with your soft lips going over his marked cheek, he shortcuts. He equally wants you to stop and to keep being this gentle, he feels so conflicted that his quiet tears turn into full on sobbing on your shoulder. You were not surprised, in fact, you actually expected him to break down the first few times you got intimate.

D - Dominance (do they prefer to dominate, or be dominated? do they have experience as a Dom? Do they have a Dom that they trust already? What kind of things do they enjoy as/with their Dominant partner?)

He's had no control of his life for years, first following around Batman's orders, trying to be the perfect Robin. Then under Joker's torture. He's lost enough agency and control over his own body that I don't see him giving up any more of it. The most he can do is let you go on top, and even then, he's got a bruising hold on your hips.

E - Extra info (any other fetishes? feet? leather? role playing? blood? fantasies that they might want to experience not on this list?)

He gets a little jealous sometimes, not of other people looking or wanting your attention but of you. Jealous that you got to live a normal life, that your world kept spinning after he was gone. He gets rougher with you on those nights, trying to take out some of his anger.

Manhandling! He gets extra turned on to see how easily he can throw you around, and how much you trust him to not hurt you while doing it.

F - Food play (do they like using food in the bedroom? are there any foods they prefer to use during sex or foreplay? any they’d like to try?)

He's got a lot of hard nos, but I think this one is more of a soft no to him. You could ease him into it if you tried, but after being fed rotten and poisoned food, his relationship with food was severely scared as well. Mixing two things that stress him out (food and sex) is not a good combination. HOWEVER, as he gradually heals, he could let you convince him. In his mind the equation would be something like this: reader= safe so food+ reader= must be safe.

G - Group sex (would they have a threeway? four? an orgy? do they put on a show for spectators? or do they like to keep it just between them and their partner?)

Bro can't even look at himself in the mirror, and barely ever lets you look at his body (see point L). There's no way he's getting more people in the mix, he's got enough worrying about handling his intimacy issues with you. Besides, he said in the Arkham Knight genesis comic he does not share.

H - Humiliation (does degradation and insults get them hot? do they get off on humiliating someone else? what kind of humiliation is good for them?)

Insults do not get him off, for obvious reasons. He's had enough humiliation under Joker's hands to last for five lifetimes. And like I mentioned before, he's not "I suffered so you have too". Yes, you do yell at each other and argue quite often, which ends with name calling from both ends. But that's different, sex is an entirely different thing for him. It's a demonstration of his trust in you, that he loves you even if he can't say it.

I - Impact play (here’s where talking about things like spanking, paddles, canes, floggers and the like.)

I don't think he'd be into it. His relationship with you is something sacred to him, it's perhaps the only thing he got back from his old life, and that's why I think he's so against hurting you. He wants to keep you as separated from the violent aspects of his life as he can so he can at least try to hold onto some sense of normalcy.

J - Jelly (what kind of lube are they using? is it flavored? have they tasted it? do they prefer to use something other than real lube during sex?)

K - Kissing (what parts of their body do they like having kissed? what parts of their partner do they enjoy kissing? do they like leaving marks / having marks left on them?)

Likes forehead kisses, and also likes when you kiss his marked cheek, it proves him you're not scared of him or that you don't think he's a failure. Looooves kissing over your pulse points, staying a little longer to feel your heartbeat under him.

L - Lighting (are the lights on? off? do they have some kind of mood lighting set up?)

Off, he doesn't want to see his scars, doesn't want you to see them either. If the lights are on, then he's keeping most of his clothes on.

M - Masochism (do they like pain? scratching? biting? being bossed around? spoken down to? choked?)

No to all of the above, for reasons previously mentioned. But he's into putting a hand around your neck, doesn't choke you but you definitely feel the heavy weight of his hand. Does not complain if you end up scratching his back tho, I think his pain tolerance got so high that he probably wouldn't even feel it.

N - Not yet (orgasm delay? orgasm denial? do they tell their partner not to touch themselves for a certain amount of time or under certain circumstances? do they delay or deny other things like bathroom usage or food? do they need to beg first? do they like being denied / delayed?)

Would deny himself without even realizing what he's doing. I think it'd be a kind of subconscious self punishment. He'd put off his orgasm in favor of you feeling good until you're overstimulated.

O - Outdoor sex (have they ever done it in public? would they? where?)

Sorry, he's too traumatized to expose himself to situations like this, next.

P - Photography (are cameras allowed in the bedroom? do they send nudes? do they ask for nudes? would they ever record themselves having sex / being caught up in a sexual act?)

Not even with 20 years of healing would he allow this. HOWEVER, I'm a sucker for the "his helmet has a recording option" hc. I think that would be the only way of allowing himself to record these moments since it's from his pov and only gets to see you and not himself.

Q - Quiet please (what’s the volume like in the bedroom? are they quiet? do they scream? do they like a loud partner? do they prefer if their partner is more soft spoken?)

Extremely quiet, like you wouldn't know he's feeling anything if it wasn't for his occasional grunt or shaky breath. He endured torture and was forced to keep quiet in fear of it getting worse if he screamed, so it doesn't come naturally to him.

R - Routine (do they have a routine when it comes to picking up one night stands? do they have scheduled sex with their partner? are things spontaneous or planned ahead of time?)

I think it all depends on how low his self esteem is that day, and how intense his need for closeness and love is. At first, you never initiated it, too afraid to trigger him or make him uncomfortable, but he does not know how to say that he likes it when you seek him out first. He feels wanted, loved, and eventually you pick up on it.

S - Sleepy sex (do they give oral to wake their partner up? do they like receiving oral to wake up? do they like fucking their partner awake? being fucked awake? how about being fucked to sleep at night? do they have lazy morning sex?)

You know what... hell yeah...

He was already awake when you turned around in bed, he sighed a low morning with a raspy voice, and you responded by pressing a kiss to his lips. Neither of you knew how it turned into having a hand under each other's pants and then you giggling as he lazily thrusts into you. There's a lot of skin to skin contact, and the room is dark enough for him to feel comfortable taking all of his clothes off. He's still sleepy enough to let a little "i love you" out while you hold him in your arms.

T - Top or bottom (self explanatory…)

U - Underwear (what kind of underwear do they put on in the morning, if any at all… do they own any sexy underwear or lingerie?)

Jason truly does not care, he's got bigger problems and things to carry about lol. But you did jokingly ask him to buy you a cute set in his favorite color so you'd wear it for him, and while you didn't expect him to follow through, he did. You did hold up your part of the deal.

V - Voyeurism (do they like to watch, or are they more hands on? are they more of an exhibitionist?)

Has stalked you before reuniting with you, so he's definitely seen you take care of yourself, he probably feels ashamed of watching you like that, or watching you get dressed, but he'd never tell you about that. In terms of exhibitionism, the most he'd do is fuck you while the men he assigned to watch over you are outside the apartment you were in.

W - Water (pool sex? bath / shower sex? are they into watersports at all?)

I do think in my heart this man would benefit so much from some soft bath sex. Dim lights and a few candles lit nearby. He feels the ache in muscles fade a little, and he lets himself enjoy the intimacy of it. He'd melt at your hands washing his hair and the grime from his body, and then ofc you riding him lol.

X - X-dressing (do they crossdress as a part of teasing / foreplay? does crossdressing turn them on? turn their partner on? do they prefer to do it or watch their partner crossdress instead? do they use other costumes? cat ears, tails, etc?)

His helmet lowkey has cat ears... which could mean nothing...

Not crossdressing again but, the first few nights he took you with him and didn't give you time to bring much of your things so you had to sleep with one of his undershirts. You decided to ditch the pants since they were too big and uncomfortable. He stopped by to see you, and you stood rubbing your eyes on the door frame of your bedroom. A soft "Jay? is that you?" left your lips, and his eyes wandered over your figure. You were rubbing your eyes with one hand while the other pulled down the hem of the shirt for more coverage.

He was oddly relieved to find out he could still get hard that easily.

Y - Yes, Master (what kinds of names are used during sex? do they like being called master / mistress, daddy, etc…? what names do they call their partner?)

If you had any nicknames at all before he was kidnapped, you'd strictly call each other that during these moments. He's doing everything he can to grab onto that nostalgia from a time when it was simpler, when your relationship was simple. You didn't need to jump through hoops to understand him, and he could tell you what he felt and wanted. The familiarity helps the gears on his brain turn slower, he even feels time moves slower with you sometimes.

Z - Zones (what are their erogenous zones? what spots on their body should be touched, bitten, kissed, when someone wants to get them in the mood?)

Most of his body is covered almost all the time, so if you took one of his gloves off, or pulled his clothes to uncover some skin so you could kiss it, he'd die on the spot. What do you mean you want to see him? That you only want to kiss his skin, no matter how scarred or broken? You think he's worth kissing no matter what, and you mean that.

#omg 2 posts in a month who is sheee #w: jason #jason todd x reader #ak!jason todd x reader #jason todd smut #ak jason todd smut #ak jason todd x reader smut #ak jason todd x reader fluff #it does get kinda fluffy i cant help it #he needs a hug fr #jason todd x reader smut #red hood x reader #okay im tired of tagging #que sea lo que dios quiera #bye

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morlock-holmes · 2 days ago

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I've had a revelation about this quite suddenly from your post, @duran-duran-less-official

The reason immigration opponents focus so heavily on the "illegal" part is that it makes whatever the immigration system does to a person *that person's fault, not the fault of the immigration system*.

The US immigration system, and all immigration systems, do terrible, heart-wrenching things to people which would normally be considered, you know, torture. But if the immigrant could have avoided it by acting right, then it's not our fault, it's the immigrant's fault, and now we don't have to feel any moral horror when we read about people forced to sleep on a cold concrete floor with no contact with their loved ones because they did something bad to deserve it and really it's their fault, not ours.

I sound dismissive of this attitude it's because I am, but not quite as much as you might think.

Normally, tackling someone to the ground, forcing their arms behind their back, and shoving them into the back of a vehicle is assault and kidnapping. But if the cops do it to a person who is brandishing a knife and screaming threats at random people in a public park, that's bravery in policing and we're pretty justified in saying, "Maybe if you don't want that to happen, don't threaten people with a deadly weapon."

Everything ICE does has to be a reaction to people who were flauting the law *because it would be morally abominable if they were doing it to people who couldn't avoid it*

Which is why I keep harping on and on about legal immigrants and legal residents, not because I agree that the illegals deserve to be tortured, but because the narrative that we only do this to people who choose to break the law is false. It is a lie. The story above reveals it to be a lie.

An actual immigration system has to deal with cases like,

I got a tip-off that the regime of my country is planning to kill me, so I fly to the US, duly turn myself in to the authorities and apply for asylum;

I am in the US on a work visa, but my job keeps me as a virtual slave and is withholding my salary and passport. They say that they will fire me if I go to the authorities and if I'm fired I will be deported;

Last time I was in the US I overstayed my tourist visa by three days and just didn't think much of it. I then applied for, and was granted, another tourist visa but it was revoked halfway through my stay. I am willing accept this and will pay for a ticket home as quickly as possible;

I am here on a visa which is about to expire, but I was in a terrible car accident and the doctors say I shouldn't be moved.

The previous administration had a program which allowed me to apply for citizenship, but the current administration has abruptly revoked it.

I am in the country applying for a work visa but due to circumstances I was not aware of, it was rejected. I am perfectly willing to return to my country of origin at my own expense as soon as I can buy a ticket home.

Throwing these people in mass cells with no beds, where the lights are kept on all day and night and you sleep on a concrete floor is really hard to justify unless you find a way to pretend that those people did something wrong, that if they did something else they wouldn't be in that cell and so really it's their fault that they are there.

If we were doing this to people who hadn't done anything wrong and were just trying to follow the rules as well as they could in the circumstances, we would be fucking monsters, so in order for us not to be fucking monsters we have to insist that they did something wrong.

Seriously, the actual legality doesn't matter. There's a story at the top of this post about someone who is absolutely not an illegal immigrant, and a bunch of people responding by pretending that she is, because if she wasn't then there's no fucking excuse for this.

Story below the cut to avoid a paywall.

There was no explanation, no warning. One minute, I was in an immigration office talking to an officer about my work visa, which had been approved months before and allowed me, a Canadian, to work in the US. The next, I was told to put my hands against the wall, and patted down like a criminal before being sent to an Ice detention center without the chance to talk to a lawyer.

I grew up in Whitehorse, Yukon, a small town in the northernmost part of Canada. I always knew I wanted to do something bigger with my life. I left home early and moved to Vancouver, British Columbia, where I built a career spanning multiple industries – acting in film and television, owning bars and restaurants, flipping condos and managing Airbnbs.

In my 30s, I found my true passion working in the health and wellness industry. I was given the opportunity to help launch an American brand of health tonics called Holy! Water – a job that would involve moving to the US.

I was granted my trade Nafta work visa, which allows Canadian and Mexican citizens to work in the US in specific professional occupations, on my second attempt. It goes without saying, then, that I have no criminal record. I also love the US and consider myself to be a kind, hard-working person.

I started working in California and travelled back and forth between Canada and the US multiple times without any complications – until one day, upon returning to the US, a border officer questioned me about my initial visa denial and subsequent visa approval. He asked why I had gone to the San Diego border the second time to apply. I explained that that was where my lawyer’s offices were, and that he had wanted to accompany me to ensure there were no issues.

After a long interrogation, the officer told me it seemed “shady” and that my visa hadn’t been properly processed. He claimed I also couldn’t work for a company in the US that made use of hemp – one of the beverage ingredients. He revoked my visa, and told me I could still work for the company from Canada, but if I wanted to return to the US, I would need to reapply.

I was devastated; I had just started building a life in California. I stayed in Canada for the next few months, and was eventually offered a similar position with a different health and wellness brand.

I restarted the visa process and returned to the same immigration office at the San Diego border, since they had processed my visa before and I was familiar with it. Hours passed, with many confused opinions about my case. The officer I spoke to was kind but told me that, due to my previous issues, I needed to apply for my visa through the consulate. I told her I hadn’t been aware I needed to apply that way, but had no problem doing it.

Then she said something strange: “You didn’t do anything wrong. You are not in trouble, you are not a criminal.”

I remember thinking: Why would she say that? Of course I’m not a criminal!

She then told me they had to send me back to Canada. That didn’t concern me; I assumed I would simply book a flight home. But as I sat searching for flights, a man approached me.

“Come with me,” he said.

There was no explanation, no warning. He led me to a room, took my belongings from my hands and ordered me to put my hands against the wall. A woman immediately began patting me down. The commands came rapid-fire, one after another, too fast to process.

They took my shoes and pulled out my shoelaces.

“What are you doing? What is happening?” I asked.

“You are being detained.”

“I don’t understand. What does that mean? For how long?”

“I don’t know.”

That would be the response to nearly every question I would ask over the next two weeks: “I don’t know.”

They brought me downstairs for a series of interviews and medical questions, searched my bags and told me I had to get rid of half my belongings because I couldn’t take everything with me.

“Take everything with me where?” I asked.

A woman asked me for the name of someone they could contact on my behalf. In moments like this, you realize you don’t actually know anyone’s phone number anymore. By some miracle, I had recently memorized my best friend Britt’s number because I had been putting my grocery points on her account.

I gave them her phone number.

They handed me a mat and a folded-up sheet of aluminum foil.

“What is this?”

“Your blanket.”

“I don’t understand.”

I was taken to a tiny, freezing cement cell with bright fluorescent lights and a toilet. There were five other women lying on their mats with the aluminum sheets wrapped over them, looking like dead bodies. The guard locked the door behind me.

For two days, we remained in that cell, only leaving briefly for food. The lights never turned off, we never knew what time it was and no one answered our questions. No one in the cell spoke English, so I either tried to sleep or meditate to keep from having a breakdown. I didn’t trust the food, so I fasted, assuming I wouldn’t be there long.

On the third day, I was finally allowed to make a phone call. I called Britt and told her that I didn’t understand what was happening, that no one would tell me when I was going home, and that she was my only contact.

They gave me a stack of paperwork to sign and told me I was being given a five-year ban unless I applied for re-entry through the consulate. The officer also said it didn’t matter whether I signed the papers or not; it was happening regardless.

I was so delirious that I just signed. I told them I would pay for my flight home and asked when I could leave.

No answer.

Then they moved me to another cell – this time with no mat or blanket. I sat on the freezing cement floor for hours. That’s when I realized they were processing me into real jail: the Otay Mesa Detention Center.

I was told to shower, given a jail uniform, fingerprinted and interviewed. I begged for information.

“How long will I be here?”

“I don’t know your case,” the man said. “Could be days. Could be weeks. But I’m telling you right now – you need to mentally prepare yourself for months.”

Months.

I felt like I was going to throw up.

I was taken to the nurse’s office for a medical check. She asked what had happened to me. She had never seen a Canadian there before. When I told her my story, she grabbed my hand and said: “Do you believe in God?”

I told her I had only recently found God, but that I now believed in God more than anything.

“I believe God brought you here for a reason,” she said. “I know it feels like your life is in a million pieces, but you will be OK. Through this, I think you are going to find a way to help others.”

At the time, I didn’t know what that meant. She asked if she could pray for me. I held her hands and wept.

I felt like I had been sent an angel.

I was then placed in a real jail unit: two levels of cells surrounding a common area, just like in the movies. I was put in a tiny cell alone with a bunk bed and a toilet.

The best part: there were blankets. After three days without one, I wrapped myself in mine and finally felt some comfort.

For the first day, I didn’t leave my cell. I continued fasting, terrified that the food might make me sick. The only available water came from the tap attached to the toilet in our cells or a sink in the common area, neither of which felt safe to drink.

Eventually, I forced myself to step out, meet the guards and learn the rules. One of them told me: “No fighting.”

“I’m a lover, not a fighter,” I joked. He laughed.

I asked if there had ever been a fight here.

“In this unit? No,” he said. “No one in this unit has a criminal record.”

That’s when I started meeting the other women.

That’s when I started hearing their stories.

And that’s when I made a decision: I would never allow myself to feel sorry for my situation again. No matter how hard this was, I had to be grateful. Because every woman I met was in an even more difficult position than mine.

There were around 140 of us in our unit. Many women had lived and worked in the US legally for years but had overstayed their visas – often after reapplying and being denied. They had all been detained without warning.

If someone is a criminal, I agree they should be taken off the streets. But not one of these women had a criminal record. These women acknowledged that they shouldn’t have overstayed and took responsibility for their actions. But their frustration wasn’t about being held accountable; it was about the endless, bureaucratic limbo they had been trapped in.

The real issue was how long it took to get out of the system, with no clear answers, no timeline and no way to move forward. Once deported, many have no choice but to abandon everything they own because the cost of shipping their belongings back is too high.

I met a woman who had been on a road trip with her husband. She said they had 10-year work visas. While driving near the San Diego border, they mistakenly got into a lane leading to Mexico. They stopped and told the agent they didn’t have their passports on them, expecting to be redirected. Instead, they were detained. They are both pastors.

I met a family of three who had been living in the US for 11 years with work authorizations. They paid taxes and were waiting for their green cards. Every year, the mother had to undergo a background check, but this time, she was told to bring her whole family. When they arrived, they were taken into custody and told their status would now be processed from within the detention center.

Another woman from Canada had been living in the US with her husband who was detained after a traffic stop. She admitted she had overstayed her visa and accepted that she would be deported. But she had been stuck in the system for almost six weeks because she hadn’t had her passport. Who runs casual errands with their passport?

One woman had a 10-year visa. When it expired, she moved back to her home country, Venezuela. She admitted she had overstayed by one month before leaving. Later, she returned for a vacation and entered the US without issue. But when she took a domestic flight from Miami to Los Angeles, she was picked up by Ice and detained. She couldn’t be deported because Venezuela wasn’t accepting deportees. She didn’t know when she was getting out.

There was a girl from India who had overstayed her student visa for three days before heading back home. She then came back to the US on a new, valid visa to finish her master’s degree and was handed over to Ice due to the three days she had overstayed on her previous visa.

There were women who had been picked up off the street, from outside their workplaces, from their homes. All of these women told me that they had been detained for time spans ranging from a few weeks to 10 months. One woman’s daughter was outside the detention center protesting for her release.

That night, the pastor invited me to a service she was holding. A girl who spoke English translated for me as the women took turns sharing their prayers – prayers for their sick parents, for the children they hadn’t seen in weeks, for the loved ones they had been torn away from.

Then, unexpectedly, they asked if they could pray for me. I was new here, and they wanted to welcome me. They formed a circle around me, took my hands and prayed. I had never felt so much love, energy and compassion from a group of strangers in my life. Everyone was crying.

At 3am the next day, I was woken up in my cell.

“Pack your bag. You’re leaving.”

I jolted upright. “I get to go home?”

The officer shrugged. “I don’t know where you’re going.”

Of course. No one ever knew anything.

I grabbed my things and went downstairs, where 10 other women stood in silence, tears streaming down their faces. But these weren’t happy tears. That was the moment I learned the term “transferred”.

For many of these women, detention centers had become a twisted version of home. They had formed bonds, established routines and found slivers of comfort in the friendships they had built. Now, without warning, they were being torn apart and sent somewhere new. Watching them say goodbye, clinging to each other, was gut-wrenching.

I had no idea what was waiting for me next. In hindsight, that was probably for the best.

Our next stop was Arizona, the San Luis Regional Detention Center. The transfer process lasted 24 hours, a sleepless, grueling ordeal. This time, men were transported with us. Roughly 50 of us were crammed into a prison bus for the next five hours, packed together – women in the front, men in the back. We were bound in chains that wrapped tightly around our waists, with our cuffed hands secured to our bodies and shackles restraining our feet, forcing every movement into a slow, clinking struggle.

When we arrived at our next destination, we were forced to go through the entire intake process all over again, with medical exams, fingerprinting – and pregnancy tests; they lined us up in a filthy cell, squatting over a communal toilet, holding Dixie cups of urine while the nurse dropped pregnancy tests in each of our cups. It was disgusting.

We sat in freezing-cold jail cells for hours, waiting for everyone to be processed. Across the room, one of the women suddenly spotted her husband. They had both been detained and were now seeing each other for the first time in weeks.

The look on her face – pure love, relief and longing – was something I’ll never forget.

We were beyond exhausted. I felt like I was hallucinating.

The guard tossed us each a blanket: “Find a bed.”

There were no pillows. The room was ice cold, and one blanket wasn’t enough. Around me, women lay curled into themselves, heads covered, looking like a room full of corpses. This place made the last jail feel like the Four Seasons.

I kept telling myself: Do not let this break you.

Thirty of us shared one room. We were given one Styrofoam cup for water and one plastic spoon that we had to reuse for every meal. I eventually had to start trying to eat and, sure enough, I got sick. None of the uniforms fit, and everyone had men’s shoes on. The towels they gave us to shower were hand towels. They wouldn’t give us more blankets. The fluorescent lights shined on us 24/7.

Everything felt like it was meant to break you. Nothing was explained to us. I wasn’t given a phone call. We were locked in a room, no daylight, with no idea when we would get out.

I tried to stay calm as every fiber of my being raged towards panic mode. I didn’t know how I would tell Britt where I was. Then, as if sent from God, one of the women showed me a tablet attached to the wall where I could send emails. I only remembered my CEO’s email from memory. I typed out a message, praying he would see it.

He responded.

Through him, I was able to connect with Britt. She told me that they were working around the clock trying to get me out. But no one had any answers; the system made it next to impossible. I told her about the conditions in this new place, and that was when we decided to go to the media.

She started working with a reporter and asked whether I would be able to call her so she could loop him in. The international phone account that Britt had previously tried to set up for me wasn’t working, so one of the other women offered to let me use her phone account to make the call.

We were all in this together.

With nothing to do in my cell but talk, I made new friends – women who had risked everything for the chance at a better life for themselves and their families.

Through them, I learned the harsh reality of seeking asylum. Showing me their physical scars, they explained how they had paid smugglers anywhere from $20,000 to $60,000 to reach the US border, enduring brutal jungles and horrendous conditions.

One woman had been offered asylum in Mexico within two weeks but had been encouraged to keep going to the US. Now, she was stuck, living in a nightmare, separated from her young children for months. She sobbed, telling me how she felt like the worst mother in the world.

Many of these women were highly educated and spoke multiple languages. Yet, they had been advised to pretend they didn’t speak English because it would supposedly increase their chances of asylum.

Some believed they were being used as examples, as warnings to others not to try to come.

Women were starting to panic in this new facility, and knowing I was most likely the first person to get out, they wrote letters and messages for me to send to their families.

It felt like we had all been kidnapped, thrown into some sort of sick psychological experiment meant to strip us of every ounce of strength and dignity.

We were from different countries, spoke different languages and practiced different religions. Yet, in this place, none of that mattered. Everyone took care of each other. Everyone shared food. Everyone held each other when someone broke down. Everyone fought to keep each other’s hope alive.

I got a message from Britt. My story had started to blow up in the media.

Almost immediately after, I was told I was being released.

My Ice agent, who had never spoken to me, told my lawyer I could have left sooner if I had signed a withdrawal form, and that they hadn’t known I would pay for my own flight home.

From the moment I arrived, I begged every officer I saw to let me pay for my own ticket home. Not a single one of them ever spoke to me about my case.

To put things into perspective: I had a Canadian passport, lawyers, resources, media attention, friends, family and even politicians advocating for me. Yet, I was still detained for nearly two weeks.

Imagine what this system is like for every other person in there.

A small group of us were transferred back to San Diego at 2am – one last road trip, once again shackled in chains. I was then taken to the airport, where two officers were waiting for me. The media was there, so the officers snuck me in through a side door, trying to avoid anyone seeing me in restraints. I was beyond grateful that, at the very least, I didn’t have to walk through the airport in chains.

To my surprise, the officers escorting me were incredibly kind, and even funny. It was the first time I had laughed in weeks.

I asked if I could put my shoelaces back on.

“Yes,” one of them said with a grin. “But you better not run.”

“Yeah,” the other added. “Or we’ll have to tackle you in the airport. That’ll really make the headlines.”

I laughed, then told them I had spent a lot of time observing the guards during my detention and I couldn’t believe how often I saw humans treating other humans with such disregard. “But don’t worry,” I joked. “You two get five stars.”

When I finally landed in Canada, my mom and two best friends were waiting for me. So was the media. I spoke to them briefly, numb and delusional from exhaustion.

It was surreal listening to my friends recount everything they had done to get me out: working with lawyers, reaching out to the media, making endless calls to detention centers, desperately trying to get through to Ice or anyone who could help. They said the entire system felt rigged, designed to make it nearly impossible for anyone to get out.

The reality became clear: Ice detention isn’t just a bureaucratic nightmare. It’s a business. These facilities are privately owned and run for profit.

Companies like CoreCivic and GEO Group receive government funding based on the number of people they detain, which is why they lobby for stricter immigration policies. It’s a lucrative business: CoreCivic made over $560m from Ice contracts in a single year. In 2024, GEO Group made more than $763m from Ice contracts.

The more detainees, the more money they make. It stands to reason that these companies have no incentive to release people quickly. What I had experienced was finally starting to make sense.

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fishgutzz · 2 days ago

Text

sh recov / harm reduction tips for those of us who are in the trenches and may be considering recov or trying to get there one day

⭐️ some people can't just throw away their sh tools and that's okay, but what i suggest is if you don't already to keep them in a hard to get to place so that you can reduce how often you may try to sh

⭐️ try to limit how often you relapse but dont put too much pressure on yourself because it may stress you out worse, id suggest slowly relapsing less by spacing them out more over time.

example: every day -> every other day -> twice a week -> once a week.. etc you get the point, if you cant stop cold turkey then try to reduce how frequently you sh because its just like any other addiction out there.

⭐️ keep in mind it takes about 3 weeks to make a habit, when going fully clean its really rough for those first few weeks but it wont stay that way, that isnt to say you wont have some bad days but it wont be every second.

⭐️ avoid buying new sh tools and new blades, if you plan to reduce or recover then stick with what you have so that you wont automatically have a new tool to hurt yourself with.

⭐️ if you burn yourself or you sh for pain specifically i suggest using (skin safe!) hot wax because it still hurts like hell when it hits the skin. usually these are used for like kink purposes but that also makes it easier to find in a way.

⭐️ for people who cut or need to see blood, some alternatives that work are using red food dye and applying it to something thats pointed but cant actually cut you and dragging it across your skin. another thing thats out there that provides both pain and blood without injury are sh pens! its hard to find these due to the internet censoring things however on platforms like tiktok using slight censorship in search like "self hrm recovery pen" will likely bring you to some results that could help.

⭐️ if you're broke like me or a minor etc and cant purchase tools online to help, id suggest using household items like thumbtacks for harm reduction. something that personally helps me is actually making fake wounds that are like.. actually fake and not real. to do this without any professional products use thin layers of liquid glue as your base and shape it like a wound, and use paint / makeup / whatever you've got. if you have sensitive skin this will probably make you itchy or poses a risk for a skin reaction so do be wary of that. when removing it should just peel right off as long as its fully dry, just be sure to wash the area afterwards.

⭐️ other reduction tips are the typical things people will say to do, surround yourself with friends and safe people if you can. surround yourself with safe items and things that make you feel comfortable and avoid triggers to your best ability. if you seriously are trying to recover please delete tumblr as consuming sh content will trigger you back into it fast.

if anyone has questions about specific circumstances or situations my ask box is open <3

recovery isnt easy but i really hope this helps somebody out there who may be considering getting better.

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mullermilkshake · 2 days ago

Text

He still won't let you go.

Part 2 <- -> Part 3

Kento Nanami x Fem reader! Tags -DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT,Imprisonment,Held captive,Referenced domestic violence,Psychological abuse,Self preservation sex though non-con,Breeding,Trying for a baby,Gojo is just there,You don't trust anyone

��That is it.” Kento dragged you back up to his apartment kicking and screaming.

You only just narrowly avoided your head on the door frame when he threw you inside the apartment. No one had even bothered to emerge from their apartments to even see what the commotion was about, not even the woman in six-o-two.

“I have had it with your attitude and it is now something I cannot stand. I thought we were making progress but you have left me with no choice.” He hadn’t wiped away the blood splatter from his face dripping down the back of his shirt covering it in red.

“Just let me go. This is fucked, you need help. I have a life and you aren’t a part of it!” This all probably sounded like a domestic, no one came though, no one knocked to see if you needed help.

Silence. His back faced you, the door lock click was muffled. Kento didn’t move from that spot. You glanced around the room for anything to defend yourself with, broken shards of the lamp still as they were, close to cutting your knees.

Nothing. Nothing of substance that could get in some damage to slow that tank of a man down in order for you to get to the lobby and call the authorities. Though right now, his silent stance was even more frightening than if he was to shout in your face and throw you around or hold that knife to you.

You still couldn’t see his face and his body language didn’t give away anything for you to gauge what he was thinking. It made him all the more dangerous.

“I told you how I felt, so why can you not accept it? This is how it is now and you aren’t making anything easier by hurting me. That lamp…” He turned slowly and leant against the hallway wall by the picture frame. “It hurt me. And it might hurt you if you aren’t too careful, you'll cut your knees.”

A few steps and he was in front of you, crouched down. “This can be a good thing for the both of us, but it can get difficult if you continue to fight me every step of the way.”

If you pushed him now with every ounce of your might and strength, maybe, just maybe you could get to the door quick enough to unlock it and try again. Your throbbing scalp was a reminder of what would happen if you got caught again, he was on high alert enough as it was.

It was indicative of the fact he took your wrists in either hand and squeezed a little, not enough to hurt, more of a warning. “Even now, you can’t even bear to look at me even after all I've done for you, all you think about is leaving me. I can give you everything, anything that most people would jump at the opportunity to have. A loving partner who worships the very ground they walk on. But you just turn your nose at it.”

He’s going to snap at any moment, I just know it.

You could see it, hands pulled away and his own wrapped around your throat until your legs stopped kicking, and those frantic arms would thrash and claw at his face until they went limp. No air left in those burning lungs until that shine left your eyes.

He didn't. Kento placed your wrists in one hand and brought the other up to your face. “I told you I love you, Darling. Why is it so hard for you to understand that there is no one on this earth that will ever love you as much as I do? You make me a better person.”

If he was a better person with you present, you would really hate to see him without you. Like he was some axe wielding maniac who destroyed everything he touched and morphed into a deranged puppy dog whenever he saw you just to make you humanise him.

Yeah, that was utter bullshit.

“I’ll admit my mistakes and apologise for how aggressive I may have been out in the hallway. But had you not attacked me, maybe we could have talked about it like adults.”

Like adults. Speaking to you like a child and he lifted your chin to face him, like you wouldn’t speak unless spoken to. “Now, let’s finish this.”

“...Alright.” Some called it Stockholm syndrome or sympathising with your captor.

You called it playing the long game, because as soon as he trusted you enough to leave the apartment, you were gone.

And you’d make sure this time he would never find you.

-----

“Can you pass the salt, Darling?”

Ten months. Fifteen days and nineteen hours.

Kento Nanami didn’t let you go.

You guess you were just desensitised, numb to this dire situation, trying your damnedest to play the part of loving partner until you were certain you could leave. Sometimes you actually started to believe it, a fleeting thought that you shook away to remind you of all the damage the bastard had done to you.

Anyone who knew you must have assumed you were dead.

“Here you go.”

You picked up the salt and handed from one end of the table and next to Kento who was to the left of you. It was hard not to struggle to push past the intrusive thoughts like overhanging branches, holding back the urge to launch it at his head, or shove it down his throat and laugh whilst his friend watched on in horror.

Satoru Gojo started coming by the apartment for the last few months now, coming once or twice a week for dinner and talking of business and boring stuff you never took time to listen to.

It was a test. A test to see whether you had learned your lesson or would jump at the opportunity to get away and tell Gojo everything. You didn’t dare make a move, but it wasn’t because you assumed Kento would catch you in the act of escape using a man you didn’t know. It was because you assumed Gojo was in on the whole thing and would sell you out.

He must have been. No one could have enough to talk about the same subject for two hours over dinner each time. And most of it, Gojo didn’t really acknowledge you.

You kept quiet most of the time, it could be that. There was a fine line between overdoing it and appearing like you were there against your will and it took time, but you pretty much had it down by now.

Starting down at your plate, you forced yourself to eat something. Dinners like this never gave you an appetite, just sitting more or less in silence with Kento’s hand plastered on your thigh the entire time.

Gojo put his cutlery down and turned his head towards you. This dinner was different. “So, enough boring stuff tonight, we're about to close this deal and I think the countless over time we’ve gotten has given us enough work talk. Let’s hear more about you, do you work?”

Like Kento would even allow that. He didn’t even let you speak when Gojo addressed you, in fact he placed his hand over your thigh. “She doesn’t. But we were thinking of starting a family soon, weren’t we, Darling?”

Hiding your spluttering in your glass was difficult, though Gojo didn’t seem to notice. Kento’s fingers dug in, squeezed just enough to give you a cue, just like all the other times you were expected to agree with him.

“Yeah…” What the fuck. “Soon.”

Gojo smiled, grinned more like. “Wow, that’s awesome. I never expected the two of you goin’ for that step just yet, you've been together, what, a year?”

“The time is right. You’ll know when your time is when you stop being a bachelor.” His response wasn’t a dig like it sounded. It was more just a defensive comment, a way to tell Gojo to back off without actually telling him.

Holding his hands up, Gojo chuckled. “Woah, there’s nothin’ wrong with not settling down. Why stay with one person? That calls for commitment.”

Kento got increasingly defensive and jealous if Gojo was even in close proximity to you. But now he was actually acknowledging you, it wasn’t clear how this was going to go. One thing you knew was true was that there wasn’t a chance in hell that you would ever have children with this maniac.

You were going to be out of this place before there was even a chance.

“When will you ever grow up?”

“Eh… Maybe in like twenty years and I go through my midlife crisis.” Gojo looked at you once more with a smile sweeter than honey. “Is he always this grumpy? Maybe you’re going through a midlife crisis already, Nanami.”

He was grumpy and far too serious. Knowing that was all on the surface and the chance that Gojo would not have encountered the side of Kento you saw every day twisted large knots and lumps in your stomach.

Again, Kento cut you off before you managed to get a word out. “I think it’s important to know what you want in life, cruising won’t get you anywhere.”

His hand moved and pulled the material of your dress up to expose the skin of your thigh, the pad of his thumb caressing there absentmindedly. So close, you could take the knife from the table and stab it straight through his hand, or his wrist enough to draw blood and distract him to get away.

But then how would you deal with Gojo?

“Goals are important.” You said, placing your cutlery down and being acutely aware of Gojo’s lingering stare.

Remain calm. Get involved.

“They are.” Kento’s hand relaxed. “I also think that dessert is important too. I won’t be a moment.”

He cleared the table and took the plates away and all you wanted to do was breathe into a paper bag. Kento never got dessert.

You did.

“Hey.” Gojo's voice was only a whisper, waving his hand a little to get your attention. “Are you alright?”

It was a test. This was a test to see if you really had accepted the life Kento gave you. You wanted to be honest and ask for his help though how could you? This life made you distrust anyone that came to you. The old woman in the lobby, a delivery guy who noticed you from the doorway in the corner of the living room, and everyone who didn’t try to find you.

“Yep.” Nodding helped convince yourself.

“He isn’t mistreating you, right?” Fuck it really was a trap.

“No. I love him.” You forced the bile in your throat to stay as it was.

He didn’t seem convinced and fiddled with his napkin, making a glance towards the kitchen every so often. “If you need anything. You can trust me.”

Yeah right. You couldn’t trust him as far as you could throw him.

“I’m fine.”

You thought about that interaction the entire duration until Gojo was leaving. He made little discreet glances towards you as he ate his dessert, talking away and entertaining Kento like nothing had happened. Part of you wished you had told him the truth, taking a leap of faith just in case he was trusting, the other part criticised you for even thinking that. If Kento caught wind of it, you would have no luck getting out.

Next time you left, Kento wouldn’t be so forgiving if he caught you.

“Gojo sure seemed friendly with you tonight.” The door hadn’t even fully closed after his friend left for the night.

Fiddling with the little belt of your dress settled your nerves for just a second. “I think he was just being polite.”

Kento didn’t look at you right away, but turned and moved past you through the apartment. “Come to bed.”

The dishes were piled up in the sink, cleaning the dishes on your own was the only time you got to yourself really if Kento was in the apartment. “The dishes-”

“I said come to bed.”

Like a mouse you were, trudging behind him and following to the bedroom. Perhaps that cable hanging out the outlet was enough to hook over his head and choke him to the point of passing out? It would take a while and you were hardly in shape to even try and take him on, but you were getting desperate.

Kento got on the bed and leant his back against the headboard, he tapped his lap and invited you over. Maybe I could try something like how I used the lamp again?

Fat chance. That day, the one you almost escaped, he took every lamp, picture frame and heavy ornament that wasn’t nailed down and threw it all out. Like you had stated before, he was an intelligent man and learned incredibly fast, so fast you couldn’t keep up.

He seemed to enjoy it when you straddled him and sat there over his legs so he could see you, study you like a portrait in an art gallery. Sometimes he would sit and look at you for what seemed a lifetime while you twiddled your fingers and looked anywhere but his direction.

He might have been thinking of all the ways he loved you. You only thought about ways you’d hurt him, end him for good so he could only plague your nightmares.

Kento was studying you right now with his hand on your thigh just like before. “Maybe we should start a family right now. I don’t think we should wait-”

“N-no.” Your facade slipped for a second and his expression changed. Angry. “I mean… we’re in a one bedroom apartment.”

It took you off guard completely, never anticipating that it could be a sentence slipping his lips tonight. He really was deranged and how he never saw that you were less than honest with your responses eluded you.

“And?” He spoke so sure like it was already decided.

Quick, think of anything and don’t fuck it up.

“There’s no room for a baby, we should look for somewhere with an extra room, right?” You couldn’t have a child with this man, even if you got away, he would be tied to you for years.

“You do want a child with me, don’t you?” Would he now see through your lie enough to undo all of the trust you had built with him?

“Yes. I do, yes. But everything has to be right, we need more room.”

He nodded, it worked? Holy fuck . “Let’s try anyway, it could take a while and we have plenty of time to find a house or bigger apartment, I could buy it outright, actually.”

Wait, what? There was nothing you could say, nothing that could diffuse it without getting him getting suspicious of your loyalty to him. You already sensed his hands moving your dress and there was already his growing hardness between your legs.

“You agree, finally. I’ve wanted to bring this up for a while but I was sure you’d say no. You really have settled in, haven’t you?”

So you gained his trust enough and he believed your lies, but at what cost? This wasn’t a win at all, another dead end that you couldn’t dig yourself out of without undoing all the hard work you did.

Change of plans, there wasn’t time anymore to plan and wait, you’d need to find an opening soon to get out for good before this shit show went any further.

Kento pulled at your dress and got it over your head to which you weren’t wearing anything underneath. So naturally, you pulled your arms back to cover yourself. He held them fast, gripping at the wrists, not entirely hard enough to hurt, but it stung all the same.

“You’re beautiful, Darling. Don’t hide yourself.”

Holding your arms he pulled you close and sucked your nipple, licking in ways that should have felt good, but being desensitised and numb took that all away from you. You remembered to make some noises and avoided overdoing it, no one that hated someone's guts would get that much enjoyment.

“Good girl.”

You played the part and moved your hips over his cock and it garnered a rough inhale from him. Full on ass rubbing him slowly, sensually like you actually cared about him. Since your first time despite his big talk before that, Kento had always gone slow as though he was afraid to break you like you were made of glass.

Something changed enough to throw you off guard, an almost animalistic nature that Kento had not displayed in the bedroom before. He was rough and firm, almost rushing to pull his belt loose and get the zip down to pull his hardened erection out.

“Let’s start the rest of our lives together… and then I’ll know.” He spat on his hand and rubbed the length of his cock.

“Know what- fuck” He pressed himself inside you, slowly at first so you could adjust. It still stung.

“Then I’ll know you haven’t been lying to me this whole time.” This was the test? There was no way you could back out now.

And it went on like that, most nights. Kento fucking you senseless until he was satisfied, filling you up a few times with the stamina of a horse. If you were lucky, you’d finish quickly enough to get it all out of the way to finish the night, but even then he didn’t leave you alone, he cuddled you until he fell asleep.

You often stayed up thinking about ways to get out, to hurt him just like you always did one thousand times in the day, and you didn’t dare to move a muscle because it would wake him up.

It always woke him up.

Maybe you’d get lucky and he’d die in his sleep. If only.

Weeks went past and finally you managed Kento to allow you out to look for somewhere bigger to live. Instead of trying to stop it, you figured if you appeared eager, there might have been some leeway. And you were right on the money.

The first time you left the apartment in months, almost a year and Kento was still sceptical. You noticed a mile away so many gaps to leave the first time, fighting the urge to take the bait, a wide open door or Kento would simply leave the room.

So fucking hard not to scream at the realtor that you were kidnapped and this horrifying man who claimed to be your husband was mad, insane and deranged with his fucked up ideals on love.

But you didn’t. You bided your time, though anxious due to the time limit you had. It was agony until one day you had your chance. An apartment on the main street of the city you pushed for, claiming it was ideal and close to schools for this imaginary baby. You wanted to vomit.

Kento was distracted. In the next room talking away to the realtor, but on this day, there was another one. A team of two because the other couple coming to view the apartment didn’t show.

“The open planned kitchen is very in right now.” They waffled on and all you could do was dart your eyes back and forth to the other room, the pit of your stomach flipping with growing adrenaline.

With your heart thumping in your throat, it was time. “If you don’t mind, I left something in the car, I’m going to head down quickly. If my husband asks where I am, just tell him I won’t be long.”

She nodded and continued her walk around the kitchen with a clipboard behind her back in her hands. You practically ran to the door and opened it faster than you should have, but took a moment to leave it ajar without a noise.

One step, two steps, then you ran, sprinting down the hall to the elevator with an overwhelming sense of Déjà vu only this time the elevator doors opened immediately. You back hit the wall flush and whilst the doors closed, your eyes trained on that apartment door.

He’s coming out, he will and he’ll lock me up. He’s going to know.

He didn’t emerge, there was no movement at all by that door, not even a dramatic scene where the last thing you saw was him running towards you. Nothing. You wanted to breathe a sigh of relief but you just couldn’t.

Kento Nanami was an intelligent man and he would figure it out eventually. If not already.

You weren’t sure where you would go with no money or phone, but anywhere was better than here. The elevator doors opened and you held a breath just waiting for him to be there and he wasn’t.

Run. Fucking run.

Out of the lobby and into the apartment complex car park, past Kento’s car and out back into the world. The plan. That was the plan. You made sure to look behind you every so often, you would see him before he saw you and then you could hide.

“Woah, easy there.” You weren’t looking and bumped into someone.

“G-gojo…” Another fucking test. It was a test, a stupid test.

Another fucking test! You were right not to trust Gojo. Before you could pull away he took you by the shoulders. “Are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“What are you doing here; let me go I need to leave-”

“What happened?” His voice dropped, more commanding than you had ever heard.

“No let me go- let me go I can’t go back there; please don’t do this! What are you even doing here; he told you to come didn’t he?!” He was built like a bulldozer, no matter how much you fought he didn’t move.

“Woah, woah listen to me. He asked me here because we were going out for dinner after.” It didn’t calm you, but you listened. Stupidly. “What happened- I was right… wasn’t I?”

He had a look of concern, not something like he was in on it, but that still didn’t mean you were going to trust him. “He took me, he took me away from everyone. I'm not his girlfriend and I just want to get home. He’s crazy!”

“Shh. Stop shouting or you’ll draw attention.” And under his breath he muttered. “I fucking knew something was up with him… Not again.”

Not… again? Who else had he done this to?

“Here, take my keys and get in the car. Lock the doors. I’ll sort this out.” As stated he handed you the keys and made his way towards the apartment complex without another word.

You contemplated running, taking his keys so he couldn’t follow you. Deciding against that, you climbed in the car and locked the doors, Kento certainly wouldn’t be able to get to you now and Gojo was without a car.

The downside was you couldn’t drive. And stealing a car would land you in jail… Jail was an option, Kento certainly couldn’t get you there. You shoved the car keys in your hand and let the keys poke out between your fingers while they shook in anticipation.

Gojo being on your side didn’t sit right.

Kento will come out at any moment. Gojo will be too with a smile on his face because it's all a ruse, a joke. They’ll take me back to that stupid apartment and never let me out.

But that didn’t happen either, Kento hadn’t even come out of the complex after Gojo went in. In fact the only thing that changed in that parking lot in what was a lifetime to you was blue flashing lights.

A knock on the glass that made you yelp.

“Can you open up?” Gojo, looking worse for wear and a bloodied lip.

You didn’t want to, you didn’t. “No… no because you’ll send me back I know it!”

“I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do. Look…” You followed his hand, pointing away from him. "He can't hurt you anymore; he can't hurt anyone."

Kento came out, in handcuffs. Escorted by three police officers.

“Just… open the door, alright? The police, they’ll want a statement.”

Nothing could happen if the police were just there and Gojo did look concerned. They must have fought up there in the apartment, and the realtors probably witnessed everything.

Were you safe now? You opened the door and Gojo held out a hand to help you up and you took it. Kento didn’t notice you, his head was down and he, from what you could see, looked even worse than Gojo.

“I won’t hurt you. Please don’t think I’m not on your side.”

So that was it? It was all over just like that and it didn’t seem like the win you thought it was. You weren’t going to be free of him completely, not for a while although Kento couldn’t be anywhere near you in a locked up cell.

That was good enough for now.

Kento Nanami couldn’t keep you anymore. But he'd still always be sitting in the back of your mind.

He was a demon in living form.

Tag - @yourhornysister

DISCLAIMER - Crossposted from my AO3 - I do not own any of the characters or anything from the anime. This is a work of fan fiction and is absolutely not representative of the views or intentions of the original creator(s).

Also please don’t post any of my work without permission thank you!

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distractedducky · 2 days ago

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The hate also makes no sense when you just consider shipping in general. Like it’s a ship, it can be deep or fun. I one hundred percent agree with OP about their time line and Derek’s attachment to stiles. But what always got me is how much hate this couple got for being “unhealthy” or “pedophilic”. In general. It’s a ship! And honesty not one of the worst ones out there. Not even looking at Lydia and parish, the twins from TW are also confirmed to be over 18 when the alpha pack enrolls them in the high school and both twins date a high schooler but people seem to gloss over that. Outside of TW I can think of dozens of more unhealthy (will xHannibal) or age gap (rose x the doctor; rose being canonically 19 when she goes off with him and falls for him) relationships that people don’t seem to have the same open disgust for. Honestly I think the fandom for TW has a set of people who just don’t like Sterek and use the “problems” with the ship to cover up for the fact that it’s a fandom dominating ship and they don’t like it or want to read or engage with it in everything. Which is fair but also not an excuse to try to paint one of the first modern (2010) prominent gay ships as problematic when they could just deal with the fact that it’s popular and also not for them. Yes the ship was over hyped up but it came out during the time of supernatural craze (years of gaslighting and behind the scenes manipulation) and the actors behind the scene where told to play up their relationship which lead to some hard core queer bating. Shippers took that stuff seriously and it mattered to them. This show had a queer show runner and queer characters and fans had legitimate hope for positive queer shipping. Sterek mattered for that. This isn’t the time of our flag means death where people followed through with them being gay or 911 where the writers adapt to the characters as they start to evolve beyond their original intentions. So people liked sterek, people thought sterek might go cannon but it was going to be a slow burn and just like OP said they had a backstory, they had layers being built on trust and impactful interactions and conversations. And there where constant nods to their connection feeding shippers even when they weren’t on screen togeather (stiles looking at possibly Derek’s initials plus the whole jeep thing in the movie)

It’s just so hypocritical the hate this ship gets for being “pediphilic” or “problematic” when within the media it is presented it is one of the most stable relationships built in a real foundation. And that my canal point, taking something no within the context it is presented. Age gap relationships in TW are messy for a lot of reasons (the Kate of it all) which seem to give people the idea that the show doesn’t support them even though it so does. The world the show takes place in is what matters at the end of the day. And in TW age gaps violence and being queer don’t seem to matter they way they do in the real world so the ship that forms from that should be judged by the standard set in their world. That’s basic lit analysis.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I just hate seeing all this shit about how “problematic” sterek is and why it’s disgusting that so many people ship it when it’s just not. For god sake people have shipped characters from different franchises, characters from different universes, characters who legitimately want to eat their love interest (I’m looking at you twilight) and yet Sterek is the problem.

For a ship with such clear moments throughout the show to build a relationship out of I feel like people should understand why fanfic writers and artists would want to engage with that and why general shippers would want to engage with their art.

You know Sterek has been frequently 'cancelled' and attacked for basically being the most popular ship in the TW world, right?

Because of the age gap between them, right? Well, I have to complain about it, because it really pisses me off that they're discarding the beautiful, slow-burning love story that exists between Stiles and Derek in CANON. Because damn it, they liked each other.

It bothers me that they tarnish Sterek's image for things like being a "pedo" ship when NO, they're not. They're trying to lump us all into a "sick shipper" category.

If we're being honest, Sterek has probably been the story with the most backstory, where we've seen how each season has seen the closeness between Stiles and Derek grow, where they've gone from 'hating each other and having to deal with each other because of Scott' to genuinely caring for each other to the point where Derek would take a bullet for Stiles or Stiles would go against the entire FBI to protect and get Derek out of whatever mess he was in.

They care deeply and genuinely for each other, so much so that Derek preserved and fixed Stiles' Jeep, keeping it in his garage as a sort of memento or anchor for him.

It bothers me so much that they talk shit about Sterek when this couple exists:

sorry but parrish/lydia was a canon pairing between a teenager and an ADULT and if that wasn't enough, an adult from the sheriff's department.

Why aren't people talking about this more? Why are they attacking Sterek instead? Sterek: a couple that wasn't canon during the show's run, and we only got confirmation of feelings for each other through the actors and through obvious hints in the show. But directly, it was never a canon couple between a teenager and an adult guy. They were together.

I put the adult that way because Derek's age was never confirmed as such. At the beginning of the series, Stiles says Derek is only a couple of years older than him and Scott. So at the beginning of the series, Derek was between 18 and 19 years old. But later on, they address the fire, so they change the age again, but they never say exactly how old he is, so canonically Derek could be 2 to 5 years older than Stiles. You choose what age gap to give them.

While Lydia, about 17, and Jordan Parish, over 20, are a CANON couple.

Anyway, hypocrisy and homophobia, right?

But there is a VERY important theme between the Derek/Stiles relationship, which if you ask me made the possibility of a relationship between the two of them impossible while Stiles was still a high school student and perhaps only when Stiles was older could something exist between them.

The existence of this damn bitch and what she did to Derek.

I hate her as much as you do, and it disgusts me to have to watch Teenage Derek with her.

But it's important to what I wanted to say; it's why I think Derek repressed his feelings for Stiles.

According to the Teen Wolf book, Kate was Derek's substitute swim teacher, who used certain hormones and scents to attract the teenage Derek to her. YES, that was not only a relationship rife with manipulation, power imbalances, and pedophilia, but she also ended up orchestrating the murder of Derek's family at a moment of vulnerability for Derek because Paige's death hadn't happened long before.

We all know Derek blames himself for the death of his family, and he hates Kate. He knows what she did to him. He knows he was manipulated by an older woman and that he fell for her.

Derek has serious trust and self-confidence issues.

He doesn't believe he's worthy of love or peace.

His anchor until Season 2 was anger because his life was infested with anger/hate/rage.

So he sees himself as something bad, something that hurts, someone who destroys what he loves. He's a victim of sexual abuse, even though he doesn't admit it.

But Stiles became that little glimmer of light annoying, but a light in his dark life filled with negative things. Stiles earned his trust. Stiles fought every step of the way and broke down that wall Derek built around himself to keep people away from him, because trust means giving someone the power to hurt you. Oh well, Derek's mind worked that way. Unbeknownst to him, Stiles earned that trust.

And that's where we have this scene.

This is where Derek lets us see how important Stiles has become to him, Stiles became his anchor.

At this point, it's undeniable that Derek already has feelings for Stiles. He trusts Stiles blindly. But then, why didn't Derek do anything to have Stiles? Because Derek is a victim of sexual abuse by a woman who took advantage of him in high school. And Derek never dealt with that trauma, or we were never shown to have it that way.

Derek dates women, of course—Jennifer (who also manipulated him), Braeden, etc.—whose relationships didn't end well or were never serious.

But not with Stiles, because Stiles is like that extremely important thing where he can't ruin that connection they have, he can't taint or sully this relationship he has with Stiles. It's too important to Derek. Plus, the untreated traumas surrounding his abuser are a clear impediment to starting something real, something serious. And everything seems to indicate that Stiles is THAT person his unconscious heart has chosen.

That is, to start any romantic relationship with Stiles, Derek has to face all of his demons, all of his traumas first, in order to give Stiles what he believes Stiles deserves.

Kate ruined Derek's heart and mind a lot, plus Derek already had a wounded and bleeding heart since Paige.

So, a relationship as such didn't exist in the series between S/D, and it was quite unlikely that it would, but the feelings were always there.

That's why I don't understand why they keep attacking a couple who has SO MUCH backstory, and who if they ever dated, it was definitely when they were already adults and able to deal with their own issues.

The sheriff's line about the jeep and Derek always makes me think that the sheriff was always aware and noticed everything. He never disapproved; on the contrary, he supported them, because he knows there's no one who deserves each other more than those two. It was also a clear confirmation that Derek always had feelings for Stiles, complicated feelings he didn't know how to address, but whose feelings led him to treasure and fix Stiles's jeep.

#sterek #derek hale #stiles stilinski #sterek fandom #stiles #derek x stiles #stiles x derek #sterek fic #sterek theory

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homestuckreplay · 23 hours ago

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hey i really liked your post speculating on the kids' school lives. i havent seen a lot of people talk about what the kids lives were like pre-sburb and you mentioned having more that you hadn't written so i wanna know what you got :D

hello thank you so much! this is something I definitely want to put more thought into, I think it gives a fuller understanding of them as characters to have ideas about their 'baseline normal' pre-sburb that they're now departing from. so here's a bunch of thoughts for now, and maybe I'll do some more later :D

John – I think that Dad Egbert had a happy childhood with Nanna, and because he was so happy, he’s basically tried to replicate those steps with John, and then is confused when John doesn’t respond as well as he used to. He’s definitely tried teaching John to cook and bake, going for walks/throwing a frisbee around together near pipe lake, enrolling him in all kinds of extracurriculars, etc, but John has always found it hard to get motivation to do those things – piano lessons was the one thing he actually stuck with, probably because it was a solo activity, and he never wanted to perform or be in an orchestra. When he was young it was rare for him to get invited over to other kids’ houses for playdates, and even more rare for him to ask someone over – the number of people who have ever been inside John’s room is extremely small imo. In nursery/pre-k when the teachers were trying to teach sharing skills and collaborative play, John was over in the corner making up scenes with various action figures, dolls and stuffed animals and he did NOT want any help.

But it’s the 2000s and nobody is talking about therapy or mental health, and he’s a nice kid, he’s not causing any problems he’s just a little quiet and spacey, so nobody ever thinks to assess him for anything and he kind of flies under a lot of people’s radar. And then as he gets older, later in elementary school and going into middle school, he starts to feel a little different, lonelier, seeing for the first time the things he’s missing out on and growing too big for this imaginary world he’s constructed for himself, so then he starts trying to learn to mask and fit in, play games with the other kids at recess, but by then it’s kind of too late because he’s missed out on so much. And he always kind of gets it wrong, like if the other kids all saw idk Night at the Museum when it came out, John would be all “yeah I saw that too!” but then he goes way harder on it than everyone else does and ends up looking weird, or he tries to play basketball and he’s actually okay at running and jumping but he doesn’t know The Rules so he fouls. And so he retreats into himself again, this time a little sadder and a little more restless, because he kind of knows he wants something else, but doesn’t quite know how to get it, or why it’s not working – because he has internet friends by this point, and they’re great but feel so distant, and there’s a real part of him who wants someone other than Dad to just sit next to on the couch and watch a movie with.

Rose – Mom is a scientist and clearly super intelligent, and she taught Rose to read, write and do basic math at a younger age then usual and Rose took to it quickly, so she went into kindergarten already knowing all that stuff and she showed up Ready to Win. Like it’s a challenge, like she could do all of the kindergarten work within the first week and then she wouldn’t have to go back for the rest of the year. And she was really annoyed when it didn’t work like that, because it wasn’t fair, like why should she have to sit at a table and wait while other kids are trying to make their first letter shapes? So she feels talked down to by the academics and she isn’t interested in other areas, like art and music and sport and group activities, because she doesn’t see them as important when Clearly there is a library here. Rose absolutely begs her mom to homeschool her as a young kid and Mom eventually gives in and they try it for the third grade, but by winter they hate each other and it’s what sets their relationship down its current path of misunderstanding and is what made them so distant from each other even while living together. After that Rose had a series of private tutors and was offputting and weird enough to get all of them to quit, some accidentally and some on purpose, so then for fourth grade she just goes back to school, and she starts applying herself to things like the violin and softball even though she doesn’t actually care about them because she’s just straight up bored.

Rose was a super early adopter of video games, I think her mom got her a computer of her own when she was very young to help with learning and because Rose was VERY intense and demanding as a small child, always asking complicated questions. So she really gravitated towards video games as something that has a skill curve in a way TV and movies don’t – I’m actually not sure she’s ever seen a movie, though she has played some shitty 2000s video game adaptations of movies. She started out playing educational games like Reader Rabbit and Cluefinders and then moved to playing anything she could get her hands on from various mail order catalogs, same with books, she would leave her order forms in stamped addressed envelopes on the front doormat and Mom would take them to the post office when she went out, pre-massive internet marketplaces. And after their relationship broke down Mom stopped taking her out of the house except to school, so Rose would pull stunts like setting a tent up in the backyard and sleeping there and making a campfire for a couple days, just for enrichment. Overall I think Rose has been like 10-20% understimulated for her entire childhood and has constantly, always been looking for things to pull her up to that baseline and has never really found anything, until right now.

Dave – I think Bro might send Dave to school as one of many hazing mechanisms, in addition to however many sword fights and rooftop battles, nobody is better at bullying and social control than kids. I also think Dave spends a lot more time outside of his house than the other kids, Bro probably kicks him out if he wants to have people over / set up some saw traps / do some weird puppet stuff so Dave ends up just kinda wandering the definitely not super walkable city streets as a pretty young kid, and that’s where he gets his ability to monologue like crazy because he just has this stream of thoughts in his head constantly as he observes the world. He doesn’t have food in the house but he has some local places like a mcdonalds and a diner where he can go in and the staff are like “hey it’s kinda weird this kid has a credit card. oh well!” and they’ll let him sit with a big plate of chicken nuggets and an apple juice because they figure his home life isn’t great, and occasionally one of the staff will go up to him and ask if everything is okay and where his parents are, and he just shrugs it off and says it’s fine and then doesn’t go back there for a while. Observing other people in the city is definitely where he gets his first inspiration for comics and blog posts, since he does so much more looking at the world than participating in it.

Dave doesn’t always bother showing up for school, he kinda decides based on the day if he’s actually going to go there because obviously he thinks everyone wants to see him and, like, what are those other kids gonna do if they don’t have someone cool to guide them around? But at the same time, he struggles with routine, and even if he genuinely tries to stick to going in, a couple days a week he just finds himself getting on the wrong bus and ending up in a random part of town, and he’s never had safety drilled into him so he’ll do things like pick up roadkill off the street to preserve it in his specimen jars, or climb up the outside of a building because a cop saw him not being in school, or steal from a store just to see if he can get away with it. It’s mostly for the story – he knows he can get attention from Bro or from people at school if he can share some wild stories, but in truth nobody actually believes what he says, and even though it’s at least mostly true he just gets seen as a kid with overactive imagination. That’s a big factor in his adoption of irony, because if he’s gonna be misconstrued and not taken seriously, he wants to control the intent behind that and its effects on people as much as possible.

#homestuck #there is. a little bit of projection in all of these tbh #so i can understand if different people have different hcs!#but this is a broad overview of how i see their lives <3 sorry theyre all a little bit sad. these kids are pretty fucked up!#thanks again for the ask :D #chrono

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shaeshaeboo · 3 days ago

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“I wish you were sober”

Summary: where Satoru Gojo had too much to drink…

Contains: fluff, mentions of alcohol, lightweight Gojo, drunk Gojo, best friend reader, accidental confession, vulnerable Gojo, underage drinking, I got this idea from c.ai, not proofread.

How did you even end up in this situation?

Satoru Gojo has never in his 17 years of living drunk alcohol and liked it. He was never a fan of such brain cell-killing liquid. The strongest sorcer was considered lightweight. He didn't like alcohol because of his poor tolerance for such a thing, it was because of how it messes his mind up, it's like he wasn't able to control himself. It makes him feel weak. He hates it, he despises it, he loathes it.

“Ughhhhh…”

A groan comes out of a white-haired man's mouth, who was clinging on top of you, holding on to you for dear life. His hair was messy and some baby hair was clinging on his face from sweat. And his face. It was red as a tomato from only drinking 2 cans of beer? GOD! How pathetic!!

And that man was Satoru Gojo himself.

You, Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko decided it would be an amazing idea to throw a party in Satoru’s dorm at night for his 17th birthday.

After being challenged by Suguru, his one and only best friend, to see who could drink more cans of beer without getting drunk Satoru of course would accept the challenge. Great idea right? WRONG!!

Look at him now-

Everyone always said that people are mostly honest when they where fucked up and drunk, right? And so was Satoru. Which was another reason why he HATED alcohol

So this guy had a HUGE little thing for you but thanks to his HUGE little ego, he had a hard time admitting his feelings for you. So he likes giving you some hints for you to make the first move. He also most of the time sometimes makes the hints obvious but you SOMEHOW always assumed he was just being a “good friend” ᵒᵏ ᴬᵈʳᶦᵃⁿ ᵃᵍʳᵉˢᵗᵉ more like you were just gaslighting yourself that you were being delusional. Which REALLY pissed him off.

Suguru and Shoko, being good friends that they are, decided it was a great idea to leave you with a drunken Satoru, alone, together, in his room. Great!

You sweatdrop as you feel the albino using his freakish daddy-long leg arms to hug you tighter “Uh… Satoru?…” you hesitated before placing your palm on the back of his head before he could bump his head on the corner of his nightstand.

As soon as he felt your hand on the back of his head, he stopped squirming around immediately and looked up at you with a dazed expression. His flashlight eyes which was usually full of confidence and arrogance, now looked at you with vulnerability and was lost.

“Hm… y/n…?” he slurred, his voice was barely above a whisper, and a rasp was blended in his voice. The way how he pronounced your name sounded so precious, so endearing, almost childlike.

With a bit more effort, Satoru lifted his head slightly, pressing his cheeks against your chest. His breath smelled like alcohol but nothing more. His breathing didn't show anything bad, it didn't show any strong desire. There was no lust behind it. No. there could never be. No matter how much he loves you he would never, in his lifetime look or think about you with lust.

“You're so warm…” he mumbles, nuzzling into your touch. He only wanted to cuddle with you nothing else.

You can't help but snicker at your friend's drunken state. “I have to go… you're not in the right mind right now… not that I'm complaining that I have something to blackmail you with… kinda cute… almost like a child…” you mumbles

Clearly, Satoru heard the last part since his ears were literally close to your mouth, he pouts flustered from your announcement, he pouted cheeks turned even redder. Was that even possible?

He buried his face even further into your chest, trying to hide his embarrassment. “I'm not a child, ‘m just… sensitive…” he protested weakly, his words slurring together. Despite his weak attempt to act tough, there was no denying the vulnerability in his tone of voice.

After a moment, Satoru slowly lifted his head again, gazing up at you with a mix of drunken sincerity and unspoken yearning in his six eyes.

He stayed silent for a bit, “I don't mind being cute for you… y/n” he whispered, his voice being muffed against your chest. His voice was barely audible over the pounding for his heart. In an instant, it was like all of his confidence faded away, leaving behind a very submissive side of him. This really shocked the poor girl.

Never in your life have you seen him so, vulnerable, so submissive, so weak and pathetic. You had known Satoru for a long time. You guys had been best friends since you came out of a womb for god's sake! You literally have a picture of both of you hugging as newborns.

The Satoru you always knew was more of a cocky brat, the strongest him, the honored one that, sure he wasn't always like that, BUT STILL!!!

You look away unsure what to do now. “Satoru… don't say things like that so casually…” you mumbles.

This made the man panic over your reaction, perhaps he said too much? Yeah…

He quickly tried to backtrack, not wanting to ruin the moment. “W-wait- I didn't mean it like that!” he insisted, waving his hand dismissively. However, the gesture lacked its usual confidence, replaced instead by a nervous fidgeting.

“It's just... when I'm with you, y/n, everything feels different, Satoru admitted, his voice dropping to a near-whisper. He reached out, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear with a trembling finger.

“I care about you, okay? More than just as a friend-,” he confessed, the words spilling out before he could second-guess them.

You stop him before he could even say more, with only one finger in front of his soft lips, “Maybe you should tell me another time… when you're sober… it feels like I'm taking advantage of you… I don't like it.” you mumble

He looks at you with so much admiration, he hugs you tightly with so much possesiveness it was unhealthly.

“You wouldn't be taking advantage of me, y/n”, he murmured, his voice filled with conviction despite the lingering effects of the alcohol. “I want to tell you how I feel, even if it's hard for me.”

Satoru's gaze drifted down to your lips, and he swallowed hard, his throat bobbing with the motion. He stopped himself from looking at those lips. He thought It was wrong. For a moment, he seemed to be struggling with himself, torn between the desire to confess his true feelings and the fear of rejection.

“But maybe you're right,”

With those as his last words, he fell asleep.

You saw the fear of rejection in his eyes, you cradled him, and hugged him a bit more tightly, giving his soft chubby cheeks a little peck.

“I love you the same way you love me… I promise that Satoru…” you whispered before it was your turn to close your eyes, big spooning the strongest.

Extra:

“Ughh… shit… I regret drinking those two cans…” Satoru groans the hangover getting to him. As he opens his eyes, his jaw drops when he sees you asleep. “Damnit…” But he didn't complain, he'd like to see this often

Back to Masterlist ➡︎

A/n: he's so oc I'm sorry😞 💔

And how do you make the divider background transparent???

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lolitasangel · 20 hours ago

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if your requests are still open i'd like some noah x actress!reader hc's please? maybe she's a popular and famous actress and they do everything they can to keep their relationship hidden from the press and papparazzi 🥺

An- Hi, Angel, yes my requests are open, thank you for trusting me with your request, I hope you enjoy! Also thank you to anyone who voted for my header <3!

TW- none, fluff

word count- 1k

Divider by- @anitalenia

Noah doesn't mind the sneaking around at first and neither do you, you both liked the adrenaline you got from trying not to be caught.

Of course, with certain occasions you both get sad when you can't support each other at certain shows. You do enjoy the fact sometimes you can sneak backstage to wait in the green room when they do interviews.

It gets very hard to try and stay hidden and quiet especially when journalists ask questions about your love life rather the movie you were shooting or show.

"So, Y/n do you have any one special in your life, a lover maybe?" The woman sitting in the chair across from your jokes, flashing a smile. You always dreaded these questions, but you couldn't help but smile when the thought of Noah came across your mind.

You would love to shout to the world about your love but with the press and fans tend to get nosy you both decided it would be best to just stay quiet for a bit.

When you and Noah go on dates they are typically in reserved areas where Noah can spot you not even from a tree. Sometimes the sound of bushes tousling would put you on edge, but Noah was always there to calm you down. "It's just us, babe. No need to worry."

You would go to his shows as often as you could when your schedule was free, wearing a hoodie and glasses, maybe a mask too depending how big your career is or if a movie just came out. You wish you could dance and scream the words, but you were always nervous that someone might notice it's you.

When Noah must fly over seas or whenever he has the time and he’s away from you he watches your movies. He gets a little jealous of a kissing scene comes up even though he knows it means nothing. He knew it was a part of the job he was just sad he couldn’t do that with you.

He loved watching you on the screen knowing the back stories and the memories you made when filming. Noah brings up the potential idea of you staring in one of his music videos but never pressures you.

You always hated going on social media when your name was back in the lights. You hated when there were dating rumors around, you were always worried that Noah might get upset but he never cared. And vice versa Noah was worried you would feel the same but you both understood what comes with being in such a big industry such as acting and singing.

Sometimes when you’re both have the week off, you’ll spend it together, sometimes Noah will lay with you as you read your script. Noah beckons you to read it to him, using the excuse “you need to remember it right, baby?” When really, he just loves to hear your voice.

You both call as much as you can throughout the day, you would give him a tour on face time of what the set you were working on looks like. All your close friends knew about you two and loved seeing you so excited, happy and in love.

Sometimes leaving your house was a struggle or going out to do normal things was filled with people taking pictures and asking for autographs. You loved being with the fans who supported you and watched all your movies.

You knew the fans would respect and not pry into your relationship. On the other hand, you knew the paparazzi and ‘haters’ would tear your relationship apart and nit-pick it apart. And you didn’t want that. But you really hated that you couldn’t even sneak out the house with Noah without being spotted.

Sometimes you and Noah would go out in disguises and not get noticed. You loved the moments with him, even if it wasn’t ideal, you still loved spending the time with him. Every time Noah would see your movie premiere photos on billboards or signs, he would send a selfie with it to you. “Look who I saw, babe” and his cheesy grin.

If you have a movie coming out and Noah can’t see it with you, he will have a boy's night and watch it with the crew. And you would do the same with his music videos and any song that comes out. You’re on the clock when it comes out.

You both are so supportive of each other's careers. Just like how Noah would stay with you as you read and studied your script. You would be in the studio with him listening to him play the guitar or softly singing lyrics to himself.

If you are shooting any action film that might take some turmoil on your body Noah makes sure you’re okay. He checks up on you every day to make sure you are taking breaks and not pushing yourself.

Whenever there’s a controversial headline about you Noah is on top to distract you. He doesn’t want you to see anything that might make you second guess yourself or make you second guess your career. It takes everything in his body not to tell everyone to fuck off and leave his baby alone.

Sneaking in the studio wasn’t as hard as you thought it would be. You were able to sneak through the back with no one catching you, taking a back door and quickly finding his studio.

Sneaking in hotels to see each other was much harder. Whenever you would go into a hotel to stay word would get out and it would be harder to leave and get to where you were going without drawing attention to yourself.

Noah had it a little easier sneaking in compared to you. Yes, he might get noticed but the chances were a lot lower. Making sure he wasn’t noticed and if he were to be noticed no one would notice it was ‘him’.

If you and Noah are feeling mischievous you would walk out in ridiculous disguises throwing off the paparazzi. Say like wearing wigs and masks, paparazzi not sure if it’s really you and a mystery man. Noah of course must wear hoodies and cover his tattoos as best as he can.

You loved his tattoos. Tracing your finger against the line work on his arms, chest, neck, etc.… You could be struggling to remember a line from your book and feeling yourself get frustrated you would just curl up with him.

Noah also will read any other character in a scene to help you remember the lines better. Sometimes this causes inside jokes making you have a hard time filming a scene with someone. “No, not her” Noah would say in a terrible accent causing you to laugh. The memory of him acting like a goofball would make you struggle to get through a scene without breaking.

Sometimes in interviews if someone would ask what music you liked to listen to you would subtlety hint at Bad Omens. If you had a chance to mention your love you would take it, especially if you knew it wouldn’t cause much of a ruckus besides “they know Bad Omens!” From some of your fans.

Taglist🫶🏼- @fadingintothegrey @like-a-omen @veejezhyk @english-fucker @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @bluestdai @kaliforniahigh @flowery-mess @concreteemo @dollieomens @calleyx13 @fadingangelwisp @hurricanesfollowyou @lacy1986 @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @xxkittenkissesxx @iluvmewwwww75 @silent-stories @veephoenix @graceylove @marvelousmal @thenmaybehellaintsobadafterall @amelia-acero @disappearintothegrey @concretejunglefm @concretenoah @tikosblogg @xmads-omensx @tosoundlessdarkistare

#noah sebastian fanfic #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian smut #noah sebastian fluff #noah sebastian fanfiction #Noah sebastian bad omens #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens smut #bad omens band #bad omens noah

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exploring-the-cosmos · 1 day ago

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Okay, but imagine this: Eddie feelings realization brought about through another lookalike/doppelganger storyline. I know this sounds out-there, but considering the whole Shannon/Kim storyline was an actual thing that existed in the show— and we know how much the writers love doing parallels and they've been doing some very fanfiction-esque stoylines with 8b— I don't think this is completely outside the realm of possibility so stay with me on this completely ridiculous stream of thought for a bit.

Now I was not and am still not really a fan of the whole Shannon/Kim doppelganger storyline but I think if they did it again in a very specific way with a Buck doppelganger it would be so interesting. With the Shannon/Kim doppelganger, the importance of it is for Eddie to finally get closure for himself. To say the things he never got a chance to say to her so he could move on from that relationship. I think a Buck doppelganger can also be used as a way for Eddie to say all the things he couldn't say to Buck before he left. Only, this doesn't serve the purpose of Eddie finding closure and moving on, but as a catalyst for him realizing the full extent of his feelings.

In the present day, Eddie finds himself back in his hometown— a place he tried so hard to run away from— to be there for his son. He built an entire life for himself back in LA and now he's gonna have to start all over again. So he puts himself out there, attempting to meet new people and make new friends. In the process, he ends up meeting a man who looks and sounds a little too much like his best friend. And he knows it's a bad idea; he has had to live with the reality of just how bad an idea this is for months following what happened with Kim. But he misses his best friend so bad. Sure, they talk and do video calls to stay in touch, but it's not the same. He's not there with him in El Paso being a consistent presence in his life, and he feels so lonely without that presence. So he befriends this Buck doppelganger. They hit it off and start to spend more and more time together, and eventually, either Eddie decides to come clean or Buck's doppelganger finds out about his resemblance to Eddie's best friend, prompting Eddie to explain the whole situation and apologize for lying.

Maybe at this point, his Buck had already gone through his 8x11 storyline. He's already been confronted with the idea that his feelings for Eddie aren't platonic, and he's doing everything to push that train of thought aside. He can't entertain the idea that he is in love with his straight best friend, as he likes to say. He needs to distance himself from whatever feelings might be there. Which also includes distancing himself from Eddie. He doesn't answer his calls as much, doesn't make an effort to reach out, finds other distractions so he has an excuse for why he wasn't available to talk, etc. And it's driving Eddie crazy. He's never felt so disconnected from Buck, and it's starting to have an effect on his ability to function at this point.

So when Eddie tells him all this and Buck's doppelganger asks him what he would say to him right now if he could, Eddie throws all caution to the wind.

He says all the things he's been wanting to say, even the things he didn't know he wanted to say. He tells him how sorry he is for leaving. That he knows how deep Buck's abandonment issues run and how painful it is to have another person in his life leave him. How much he would give to have been able to stay and spare him that hurt. Hell, the thought of asking Buck to leave with him had even crossed his mind more than once, but how could he ever ask that of him? Los Angeles was his home. The 118 were his family. He built a stable foundation for himself that he'd never had throughout most of his life. Eddie wasn't going to be the one to take a wrecking ball to that stable foundation. As much as Eddie would like to be, he isn't worthy of that kind of consideration. Who would throw their entire life away to be with him? He would never ask him to make that choice. Just as he knows Buck was never asking Eddie to make a choice between him and Chris. But Eddie felt like that was what he was doing at the time— making a choice between what he wanted and what was best for his son. A choice had to be made whether he liked it or not, and he would always choose his son. But, if pressed on it, he would have to admit that if the choice were between Buck and anyone else? Buck would win every single time. He would say that he missed him and he wanted him to be a constant in his life again, in both their lives again. That the distance being put between them, both literal and figurative, was killing him.

And as he's listening to this— to his newfound friend pouring his heart out to him like he's his best friend— Buck's doppelganger makes the realization that everyone else in their lives has, waits for Eddie to finish what he has to say, and says to him:

"Wow. You must really love him."

And that is the moment. Eddie hears those words, processes them, thinks about everything he just said, everything they had been through together, and realizes.

Oh.

That's what this thing between them has been. That's what all this heartache and loneliness and panic he's been experiencing in the last few weeks has been about.

"Yeah, I do."

And this realization does not just magically fix everything. It's a starting point. He still has to work through what happened with Chris, and this revelation may be a central point to helping him get there. Because it forces him to examine everything about his life up to this point. His relationship with Buck, his relationship with his family, his relationship with Shannon, his relationships with women and his sexuality in general, and his relationship with religion. And once he does all of that, he can make the decision to choose something different, for himself and for Chris. They can reconcile. They can move back to LA, back to their found family with the 118 and Buck. He can love his best friend and choose to make him a part of their family.

I also like the idea of doing a parallel between Shannon and Buck as love interests for Eddie because I do think their relationships share similarities despite all of their differences.

Despite the fact that I do absolutely think Eddie loved Shannon, I do not think he was ever really in love with her. He had a genuine care and love for her, yes, but so much of that care and love was tied up in her relationship to him as the mother of his child, not just as his wife. Her relationship with Eddie will always be a part of who he is, undoubtedly. She was a friend to him, someone he loved, the first person he was ever intimate with, his wife, and the mother of his son. She played so many important roles in his life, and she can be all of those things and still not be the love of his life, nor even someone he necessarily loved in a romantic sense at all. Because they were still just kids when they got together and had Chris. They were still trying to figure out who they were and what they wanted to do with their lives when they got pregnant and rushed into marriage and parenthood. All the decisions that followed that were messy and difficult and their relationship shifted completely overnight. Would they have ever gotten married if they didn't have Christopher? My guess is probably not, but we'll never know for sure. When Kim says to Eddie "I guess she was the love of your life," he doesn't say, "she was," he says, "I think she was." He knows he loved her, but he is unsure if she was ever "the one". In hindsight, I think he looks back on their relationship with rose-colored glasses a lot of the time. He talks about how they were together as if the glimpses we saw of them constantly fighting and leaving each other and avoiding big conversations never happened or weren't as prevalent. They did love each other, but they did not love each other in the ways that either one of them deserved.

Compare that with Eddie's relationship with Buck, and I would argue he has played all of these same roles in Eddie's life that Shannon did, but in a much more harmonious and stable way. He's also the only other character to take on all of these roles in Eddie's life to the extent that he does. They are best friends, they love each other, Buck has become a parental figure of sorts for Chris and would legally be his guardian if anything happened to Eddie, and he has a closeness with Eddie and has done things for him/with him that romantic partners often do. Despite their rocky beginning, they became fast and inseparable friends. They've had each other's backs through nearly every single trial and tribulation that they've faced for the past 7 years. Buck seamlessly fit into both Eddie and Chris' lives as well, all three of them spending so much quality time together. They have been mistaken for a couple before. Buck heard that Eddie was struggling with childcare for Chris and provided a solution without needing to be asked. He helped Eddie find a solution to accommodate Chris' disability when he wanted to try skateboarding. He fought like hell to try to keep Chris safe when the tsunami hit. Whenever they've had major accidents/NDE's in the line of work, they are always each other's primary concern. Eddie made the decision on his own to change his will to make Buck Christopher's legal guardian if anything happened to him, and he is unwavering in his conviction that he would be the only other person besides himself that would fight like hell to make sure Chris has everything he wants and needs. Which could mean nothing, but as a single dad, Eddie's main concern when it comes to dating and marriage has to be how it will affect his son; what kind of parent would the other person be to him? Buck was there for Chris when Eddie got shot. He was the first person Chris ran to when he was angry with Eddie. He was there for both of them when Eddie went through his breakdown. He was there for Eddie when Chris decided to leave. He offered to help Eddie find a new place to live in El Paso. He was present for nearly every showing of his place to find a subletter— this one is actually ridiculous, like there's no way those folks didn't think they were together. And the big one, he chose to give up his apartment to sublease Eddie's house so that Eddie could leave without worrying about expenses. The entire episode we see him struggle with and unintentionally sabotage Eddie's move. The last thing he wants is for another person to leave him, but he willingly and happily put what Eddie and Chris needed over what he wanted in the end. It is one of the most selfless and loving things he could do and he did it.

One of the key similarities that I've noticed between Eddie's relationships with Shannon and Buck is what they get into their most heated arguments about. In both of these relationships, the big fights that each pair has centers around the other person leaving and how that effects them and Chris. Yes, Buck ready has pre-established abandonment issues, but Eddie's issues with other people leaving really only come up in the context of his romantic partners and how them leaving will affect his son. For Eddie and Shannon, it was Eddie running away from his responsibilities as a husband and father twice by enlisting in the army and Shannon doing the same once he came back into their lives. When she attempts to re-enter their lives, the main point of contention is whether or not she'll even stay if Eddie allows her back in. Ultimately, she does decide to leave once she's back in their lives, if only temporarily, to find out who she is as a person independent of her role as a wife and mother when she realizes she's not ready, and I don't blame her for that. But then she dies and that loss is permanent. Eddie doesn't get closure until he meets Kim and gets to say how he feels. How hurt he is that Shannon left seemingly without any consideration for him. She left a note for their son, but left nothing for him and that is devastating. His first major fight with Buck is over the lawsuit. All three of them are forced into a situation where they cannot be in contact because of Buck's decisions, and their confrontation over it is one of the few times we see Eddie so visibly upset. It's not exactly a "leaving" situation per se, but the outcome is similar. Eddie cannot contact his best friend for help, with his own personal issues and with what's going on with Chris. They both miss him; it feels like he left them and Buck made the choice to put them in that position when he didn't have to. The second time they have a big fight, it's over Eddie leaving. More specifically, over Eddie's perceived lack of care about Buck's feelings on the matter. And I say perceived because he obviously does care, it does matter to him that he's leaving his best friend behind. But he can't fully acknowledge to what extent he does and he won't allow himself to because his feelings come secondary to what he thinks he needs to do as a father. I feel I should also note that despite Buck's abandonment issues, it is so telling how he acts in response to Eddie leaving vs how the rest of the 118 act. They all consider Eddie family just as much as Buck, but the degree to which he's crashing out over it would suggest to me that there's more to their relationship than they realize. The proposed scenario with the Buck doppelganger is meant to be the moment where he finally allows himself to be fully, completely honest with himself about what he feels, what he wouldn't say. And in the aftermath, he has to reckon with what that means for him, for Chris, and his relationship with Buck.

Another things of note when it comes to Eddie's relationships: Every time we see Eddie in a relationship with a woman, we often see him run away from it or sabotage the relationship when things start to get more serious. They never work out because there is always something wrong on his end. By contrast, Buck and Eddie are both actively struggling with Eddie leaving. Neither one of them wants him to leave and that is apparent with the shift we see in their behavior. Idk maybe we'll get a gay Eddie storyline. To me it seems like the most logical endpoint for his character. I mean, the guy literally said that he feels like he needs to "perform" when he's out on dates with women... Plus, Tommy did essentially imply that he clocked him in the most recent episode and if there's anyone I'm gonna trust to know he isn't straight, it's the openly gay man who also repressed his feelings for men for decades and almost married a woman.

Tldr; all this to say, Shannon was Eddie's first love and Buck will be his last.

Do I think any of this is actually gonna happen in the show? No, I highly doubt it. But it was a fun little thought experiment about how I think this scenario would play out. I know this is ridiculously long, so if you read to the end, thank you!

#buddie #911 #911 abc #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 thoughts #shannon diaz #christopher diaz #I literally woke up at 5 am thinking about this and couldnt get it out of my head so im leaving it here #why am i like this #i just want them to be happy

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