#i unpacked it with my gf for like an hour and a half straight at lunch and then ultimately came to the conclusion of

[oldbutchdaniel]

btw i had the haunting realization yesterday that saltburn is actually potentially supposed to be a social commentary of some kind but emerald fennell is just straight up so bad at doing social commentary in movies that i didn’t even notice. miraculously this does not stop it from being a five star movie to me

[misfit-among-the-angels]

Adventures in Prague

Word count:6105 Genre: Smut, but with like plot and romantic stuff. Pairing: Tobias Sammet x Reader Warnings: Smut Summary: Reader is a photographer for Avantasia and also Tobi's gf and the band has a concert and then a day off in Prague. And there are some adventures and fun stuff to be had.

You also can find this on Archive of our own.

A/N:I think that this fanfic is like my come back to writing fanfics lol. It took me like 3 months to write it and it's really different from the other ones I've written. This one was proofread by my friend ♥♥ P.S. I've never played Fifa so if it's incorrect I'm so sorry.

Another night, another concert. Usually it’s like that, but not this time. This time we’re anticipating an off day in the beautiful city of Prague. Just one more concert night.

I don’t dare whine even a tad bit to Tobi because I know that his job is harder and is more tiring than mine, but I can’t help showing how excited I am that we’ll have an off day exactly in this city.

My camera’s battery is fully charged and ready, lenses that I’ll need are unpacked, and I am ready for another three and a half hours of work. Tonight, Tobi seems to be in an extra good mood, probably because he loves performing in Czech Republic so much. I know that my job is to capture the best moments of the concert, but I can’t help smiling when Tobi or one of the other guys tells a joke. I mainly stay by the stage, but a few times I go to the backstage to rest a bit or to capture some moments from a different perspective. I don’t forget the fans either. I know, I’m mainly a band photographer, but capturing emotions of the fans is a good thing as well. Tobi seems to have upped his posing game for this show, or maybe it’s just me. I haven’t had more intimate moments with him for a while. Kissing or hugging doesn’t count. But enough whining. Every time Tobi spots me or comes to one side of the stage where I am and starts his silly poses, I can’t help but feel a bit hot. I smile as I take pictures. A few times he lets his tongue out for a picture, and I hear some fans screaming louder. Yes, fans do love that. Of course, I also take pictures of the other Avantasia guys. They pose less, but that’s okay for me. It makes my job more interesting.

Finally, the show is almost over. I go up on stage and take pictures of the band and the fans. Then my job for today is over, and I can go back to the hotel. Sometimes I hang around the backstage to take more pictures, but today I am done. All I want is a hot shower and bed. And Tobi of course, ehehe. I get to the hotel first. It’s a public secret between the band that I am with Tobi, so of course we share a room. I take all my clothes off except for my underwear, then turn on my laptop and let all my pictures be transferred to it. Then I jump in the shower.

Later, Tobi comes in and finds me all comfortable in bed with my laptop, quickly editing pictures. We smile at each other. I can see that he is tired. He surely gave his all tonight, and I’m not surprised that he goes for the shower straight away. After a good thirty minutes he comes out and flops beside me on the bed. I look at him and suddenly I get this strong craving. I think I know where it came from. I also know that he won't fall asleep right away, no matter how tired he is. Adrenaline from the show hasn't worn off just yet. So I put down my laptop and get closer to him. He finally opens his eyes and looks at me. “Want cuddles?”

“Always.” I giggle a bit. “But first, let me take care of you. Let me do something that will make you feel good.”

I see him wanting to protest and quickly put my finger on his lips. “I know, it's not what you think it is, and like I said, please, let me take care of you. You won't need to do anything. Just lie here, relax, and enjoy.”

He knows me, and he knows my sex drive, which can be high, and, sadly, when he is touring he is usually too tired to have some intimate time, even if we are in a hotel. Of course, his sex drive acts up too, but he can ignore it. I, on the other hand, really struggle with that, and sometimes I have to take care of it myself if I'm not fast asleep. It's kinda frustrating, but tour life is tour life - he warned me about this. Probably that's why the other guys leave their significant others at home. Of course, Tobi could have decided to choose someone else as a band photographer, but I guess his emotions got the better of him, and he chose me. And I was glad to be included into this happy family on the road. I don’t wait for his response, but I know that even though he is tired, he is also curious about what I'll do. I straddle him and start kissing his face. Nose, cheeks, forehead, and finally his lips. He giggles and smiles at the kisses. I let myself kiss him for some time. I always love kissing him, and lucky for me he loves kissing just as much. I break the kiss, then kiss down his jaw to his neck. I give his neck so many kisses until I am down to his shoulders. Then I move to his chest and keep slowly moving downwards. He sighs and makes some quiet noises. I feel his relaxed heartbeat and smile against his skin. I feel myself getting aroused even though I didn't do anything yet. I smell the shower gel, but also his natural scent comes through it, and it makes my head spin. So I have to remind myself that it's all about him. I move down to his stomach and feel his stomach muscles flex at my kisses. He has a towel around his hips, and I take it away and continue to kiss his body even lower. I kiss his thighs, then stop and just run my hands down his body. I look up, and from his face I can see that he is relaxed and content. I briefly wonder what he is thinking about. Probably me. I slightly smirk. I was soft, but now the urge to make him moan and come is taking over. I’m not taking my eyes off his face as I lightly run my fingers up and down his cock. I know he wasn’t expecting this, and his surprise is clear on his face. Without any pressure, I rub his tip with my thumb a bit. He makes a sound. I stroke him more, but after a few minutes I can’t help myself and lean down, taking his tip into my mouth and just sucking on it as my hand slowly strokes him.

“Oh, yesss!” he moans lightly and smiles. I keep my eyes on him, and his sexy reaction makes me smile internally as well. I swirl my tongue all around and listen to his sounds. This is one of the most effective ways to make him hard pretty quickly. And it seems it’s working magic. That’s the advantage I can take because I know that he hasn’t been sexually active for a few weeks. So he’ll be desperate to come, and oh, if it would be a different situation, I’d tease him long and hard. But now, I got him almost all hard already. His hips twitch a bit and I know it’s time for something he always loves so much. I take my hand away and slowly take him all in and as deep as I can.

“Ohhh, fuckkk..,” he moans louder and I feel goosebumps appearing on my skin. He looks so sexy like this – mouth a bit open, his head leaning back on the pillow. I moan too. When I’m sure I have him all the way I stop a bit, letting myself drool a bit too. I feel one of his hands tangling in my hair. Oh, this is perfect! I slowly move my head back up, creating this slow rhythm. Now he moans more often, though not as loud. I think he keeps in mind that we are in a hotel and the walls are thin. I close my eyes, not noticing him actually opening his eyes and looking at me. I hear him murmur something in German, probably some endearments or so. I smile internally at that. I moan a couple of times too, both to create some nice vibrations for him and, of course, because I enjoy this just as much as he is.

After some time, I move my head faster and now he tugs my hair more. I hollow my cheeks and hum a bit to give him the best experience and oh, that pays off wonderfully. “Oh, you are such a good girl,” he praises me and caresses my hair. I really can't help but moan. He knows how much I like being called that. I feel his hand that’s in my hair shiver a bit, and I can tell that he won't last long. I slow down again and every time I move my head up, I run my tongue over his tip and then slowly take him deep. I open my eyes to look at him, and he is biting his arm to not be so loud. But I can still hear noises and moans, and I wish I could hear them all normally. But of course we don't want any weird looks or complaints. One of these times when I take him deep, I feel his hand pushing down on me, then I hear him moan wordlessly and feel him coming down my throat. I swallow it all. After a few seconds, I feel his body and hand relax, and I slowly take him out. I look at him. He is breathing hard and has a happy smile on his face.

“That was amazing,” he says, sounding sleepy.

I smile. “I told ya. I just wanted to take care of you, and I'm glad you enjoyed it so much”. I kinda wonder if I should bring up that I'm hella aroused now. But seeing him so sleepy looking, I just can't bring that up. He needs to rest, and I can always get off on my own or just wait for tomorrow. I crawl up to him, give him a little peck on his lips, and get both of us under the covers. We cuddle up, and unsurprisingly Tobi falls asleep after about five minutes. I feel his relaxed body close to me and his arms around me, and I smile. The ache between my legs is almost unbearable, but soon I feel tired too. I force myself to calm down, and soon I follow him into the dream realm.

It's an off day, and we are definitely catching up on sleep, but just a bit. I had an alarm set from yesterday and it goes off at 10am. I wake up immediately to turn it off and yawn. I hear sleepy noises from Tobi and smile. I hate mornings, and even though we had a really nice and long sleep, I could still use some more hours of sleep. “Morning, lovebird.” I hear his sleepy voice in my ear and giggle. Then I turn around to see his totally cute face.

“Morrrrrrrning,” I intentionally roll my r's and giggle more. He hugs me close to him and kisses me. Looks like someone's in a good and loving mood. I wonder why… I kiss him back and run my hands on him. This really wakes me up and my body as well. Oh, how I wish I could have some intimacy now, but that impossible. In thirty minutes we’ll have breakfast, and then who knows what we'll think of. I feel his hand playing with my hair, and I smile between kisses. After we satisfy our kiss needs, I just smush my face into his chest and hug him more. He giggles and starts drawing patterns on my back with his fingers. I feel goosebumps on my skin and shiver a bit. By now he knows me and my body so well that he can tell what I crave and want. After a few minutes though he pokes my side which makes me twitch a bit.

“I know what you want, but we have breakfast to attend to, and we don’t wanna be late”.

I look up at him and pout, but he gives me a kiss on my cheek as a silent apology. I sigh and disentangle from him. As he is getting up, I can’t help myself and give his ass a slap. He giggles and shows me his tongue. I giggle too. We are happy because we love each other and because we can be silly. I stretch and then get up too.

On band off days I usually get an off day too. Sometimes I go and take some pictures of the other guys, and sometimes I just go explore by myself if Tobi feels too tired or wants to hang out with others. This time though I’m spending it with Tobi. After breakfast, we decide to have a walk. I promised to take him to a few cool places, and I also agreed that we won’t take too long because he wants to rest at the hotel and play some video games. I am more than okay with this because I love video games as well.

Of course, I’m bringing my camera with us. It’s such a good opportunity to take some pictures of the city. And of Tobi, too.

It’s a nice and warm spring day, and we find ourselves in the city centre.

“Can we keep away from the main streets and go somewhere with fewer people? I don’t really want to meet any fans, you know”.

“Oh, sure,” I smile to him. “I know this little nice pub that we have to visit, and then I want to take you to another really cool place”. I take my phone out to see where we actually are and how we can get to where I want us to be. We walk away from the centre, and Tobi seems happy and looks around when we turn onto a small unknown street. I point out interesting houses or pretty architecture. A few times we stop because I see something cool and want to take a picture, and then we stop some more because Tobi wants me to photograph him near this house or that one. It’s nice like this. A few times he insists on taking a selfie or two with me. We don’t really talk too much, but that’s okay because I'm taking in the vibe of the city. As for him, I think his coffee still hasn’t kicked in. I look at him and can't help but smile. My heart is full of joy and love and happiness. So I "secretly" take some pictures of him when he isn't looking my way. I want to freeze this moment so I can always look at these pictures and remember how I was feeling, and of course to show him how lovely he looks when he isn't posing for the picture.

My knowledge of the city and the ability to orient myself in it finally lets us arrive at the cute little pub. I stop and wait until he comes to me and says “well then, show me around. You know this place better than I do”.

I smile and lead him into the pub. Inside there isn't much room to sit. We greet the bartender, and then I lead Tobi out to this nice backyard where there are more tables to sit at. We choose one that's closest to us and sit down. “This place is also a hotel. I've stayed here once. It's a nice, quiet place”.

Tobi looks around. I see him opening his mouth to say something, but then the waitress comes to us and gives us a menu. We both love Czech beer, so we choose the same one, and as a snack we get ourselves some nachos. As we wait for our food and beer, we both get on our phones, not because we don't enjoy each other's company, but because it's the first time today we both get to check on things. Soon our beer arrives followed by the nachos, and we dig in.

“You know, after this tour is over, we need to come back here for vacation,” I’m taking the last pieces of nachos. “I understand that you might want to be at home and get some rest, but I’m sure a week spent here won’t hurt”.

Tobi takes a few sips of his beer. “I guess you are right. I like it here. I like the atmosphere and the feeling this city has”. I smile when he talks and drink my beer.

We talk more about things that we’re gonna do after the tour ends. I’ve been planning to move to live with him, so we talk about that as well. Talking about all things except our jobs is good.

We finish our beers and pay for everything. “Now where to? Our hotel?” Tobi asks.

“Nah, I wanna show you this amazing church and the park outside of it, and I just want to spend some time there with you.”

“Church you say, huh? Is this a hint about you wanting to marry me?” he grins.

I can’t help but giggle. “Well, maybe it is” — I show him my tongue — “but you know, you have to propose to me first.” As an answer he just wiggles his eyebrows. Being silly like this is the best.

After a good half hour we reach one of many bridges. As we are crossing it, I point to my right. “See, that’s the church I was talking about. It looks badass.”

He looks that way, and I can tell he likes what he sees. “It looks a bit sinister, but I like it!”

I smile and sneak my over hand to his and take it. At first, I can tell he is hesitant, but then he takes my hand too and oh, I’m sooo happy. He loves holding hands, but usually does it when we are in private or somewhere without many people, and on tour it’s just a no-no. But it seems he gave in this time, maybe because nobody is really paying attention to us. I love holding hands and this thing of his kinda makes me sad, but I understand him.

We cross the bridge and choose to walk on the quay. So peaceful, so nice. A few times I have to take my hand away because I want to take some pictures of the Vltava river. A few other times I ask him to sit down and take some great shots of him. Once I sit beside him, and after I take the pictures, I just can’t help myself and kiss him. He’s surprised but pleased. I don’t know why, but after that kiss I giggle and blush and feel more in love with him than ever.

Finally, we reach the hill and the church on top of it. I speak. “Ready? It’s not gonna be so hard because it’s not so hot”.

He gives me a nod, and we start climbing up. It’s a nice place, some sort of park, and as we’re going up the noises of the city slowly go away. We see some park benches, and I take a mental note to sit here when we’re going back.

We are at the top, looking at this beautiful church. I kinda wanna go inside as I’ve never been inside it, but then we hear some sounds from the inside and decide to just look around. I take some pictures and then point to the cemetery next to the church. “This cemetery is really pretty. C’mon, let’s look around”.

But Tobi shakes his head and says “maybe next time. If we can’t go inside that church, then let’s go back”. I pout a little but say nothing and follow him downhill. As we are halfway, I spot a bench and run to it and sit. “Come here! It’s a nice place to chill!”

I really picked a good spot because the city panorama is before our eyes as we sit. I place my head on his shoulder and say nothing, just enjoying this little moment. Tobi looks at me and smiles. We both look at the beautiful city before our eyes for some time, and then I take one of his hands and start playing with his fingers. Eventually he leans his head on mine.

“You know, I’m so glad to have you in my life, and I know I say this a lot to you, but really, you mean so much to me, and I can honestly imagine being with you for all of eternity…” I’m almost whispering, but I know he hears me perfectly. “I know that sometimes you struggle with voicing out your feelings, but you make me happy, and you always make me find more reasons to be in love with you even more. Even if it’s your stupid jokes or random noises or anything else.”

I pause for a bit because, damn, I’m feeling a bit emotional, but I know that he is smiling and he is listening, so I sigh and continue, “I know that maybe it’s a bit too early to talk about marriage, but let me just tell you that when we’ll be ready for that I’ll gladly say yes to you.” This is actually important because he knows that I don’t really like marriage, but if I’m saying this it means that he and me together is a big thing. He moves, and now we are looking at each other. I can see in his eyes that he is looking for the right words to voice out things he wants to say, but his eyes also tell me a lot.

He takes my hands in his. “I’m so happy to be reassured that this, us, is serious, and I’m also happy that somehow I changed your views on marriage. You make me happy, and I love you with my whole heart.” Then he leans in, and we kiss. And we kiss for a long time until we are both out of breath, and still our lips search out the way to kiss each other again. Moments like these are always my favourite. It doesn’t need words. We both feel the same, and we make it feel either through kissing or when we make love. It’s something I only discovered when I met him. Magical stuff. We kiss again, but it’s a shorter kiss this time. As we break away, we giggle as we both feel the same. We go back to the hotel holding hands all the way. I think this was the first time Tobi didn’t care if anyone might see.

Back in our hotel room, I change into more comfortable clothes while Tobi sets up the game. Of course it’s Fifa, his favourite game. I sit on the bed near him and take my controller.

He picks the team first and of course he picks Bayern. I poke him. “Hey, ladies first, you know.”

He looks at me with a grin. “Oops, I forgot that. But hey, it’s your turn now.”

I show him my tongue and pick Manchester United. I’m not as good at this game as he is, but I’ve beaten him a few times before, and now I’ll do the same.

“I’m tempted to let you win this time and you know why.”

“That would be soooo boring, but I’m sure I’ll beat you anyway.” I put on a confident look on my face. Tobi giggles, and the game starts, and his focus and mine are on it.

I’m not particularly competitive at the moment, but Tobi seems to be really into it even though it’s not even five minutes past when we started. He swears in German when the character he is playing fails to get the ball, and I can’t help but giggle. My focus shifts onto him, and I just admire how cute he looks when he is so into the game. I’m not even noticing that I’m basically just looking at him, so when he suddenly shouts “YES!” I jump a bit and look at the screen. He got the first goal.

Tobi looks at me. “Why didn’t you try to stop me? You could’ve tried at least.”

“Sorry, I got distracted a bit.”

“Distracted? By what? OH!” he looks at me again but with a grin now. “You got distracted by me, didn’t you?”

I roll my eyes a bit and blush but don’t say anything. The game progresses, and I get my first goal too. Bit by bit, my focus on the game is back. Soon I’m into the game just like Tobi is.

Three minutes left of this match, and we are both shouting at our characters, aaaaand “YESSSS!” I shout as my team gets another goal and wins the match.

I put down the controller and poke him. “Told ya that I’ll win.”

Tobi pouts for a second, but then he puts his controller down as well and launches at me and tackles me down on the bed. I wasn’t ready for this, so I only made a surprised sound as I found myself being down on the bed with him on top of me. He giggles and grins. “I might not be able to win that game this time, but I know another game which I’ll definitely win!”

I have no time to think what he has in mind because he starts to tickle me, going right for my weakest place, which is my sides. I laugh and squirm and wiggle. Trying my best to get out of it but failing. I grab one of his hands and try to take it away, but he is of course stronger than me. He takes my hand instead and pins it to the bed. I whine and squirm more. We look at each other as we know that we both have one free arm. I’m quicker and pull him into a kiss. Tobi is surprised maybe for a second, but then he relaxes and releases my hand as he kisses me back. I hug him immediately. This kiss is different from the last one though. This one is more passionate and communicates my need without me having to use words. But it seems he isn’t getting the hint because his hands just go to my hair. Usually when he understands what I want, he does something, like his hands starting to wander. I break the kiss, and I roll us to the side so now I’m on top of him. I know I wouldn’t be able to do this in any other situation, but now he is all relaxed and so easy to move. He looks at me with surprise and opens his mouth to say something, but I lean down and kiss him again. He immediately hugs me and just lets me do what I want. Soon, I break this kiss to kiss down his jaw and his neck. I ABSOLUTELY love giving his neck attention, and he loves it just as much. I kiss his neck all slowly and hear him sigh and make quiet noises. I smile against him. But how can I leave his neck without some marks? His neck looks wonderful with my marks. So I bite his neck in a few places, making sure to make pretty marks. He moans at the biting. His moans are such a big turn on that I can’t help but whine as I feel myself getting more and more aroused.

“I need you so much right now, my love,” I manage to say between all my whining and biting.

His response is his hands, moving them to the hem of my shirt. I get what he wants to do, so I straighten up and let him take it. My bra goes next. Then both his hands go to my breasts, massaging them and pinching the nipples. My whole body shivers and I can’t help but make noises. I try to grind but realize that we both still have our pants on, and I whine. He gets why I’m whining and fiddles with my pants’ buttons, and then his hands are back on my breasts. I smile at him and run my hands under his shirt, slightly scratching him when he pinches my nipples. But he gets the hint, and soon his hands leave my body to take off his shirt. I roll off of him and wrestle off my pants but leave my panties on. Then it’s time for his pants to go, and I help him with that. Finally, I straddle him once again. I am so turned on that I can’t help but shiver. I start grinding on him, and we both moan at the same time. I lean over to kiss him as I move my hands to his hair. I feel his hands moving to my ass and squeezing it and pushing it down on him. We go on like this for a bit, exchanging kisses and little moans and breaths.

“Fuck, I really need you inside me,” I whisper against his lips. I feel him shiver at my words.

“Yes, yes! I want it too.” His voice changes when he is aroused. It gets sexier. I smile and straighten up and move a bit lower and slide his underwear lower too. He takes his cock and holds it for me. I pull my panties to the side and sink down on him. We both moan loudly at this. We both needed it so much. When he is all the way in, I keep still for a minute enjoying how perfect he feels. He is doing the same.

“You are so beautiful, so hot when you are like this,” I hear Tobi say and then feel his hands on my hips, moving to my belly and then back up until he cups my breasts again. I smile so big. I’d blush, but my cheeks are already red.

I finally open my eyes and look at him with a smile. “You look hot and pretty like this too.” I find his hands and hold them as I start to move up and down. His hips thrust too, helping me. I look him in the eyes as we both create this slow pace. I moan a few times feeling how I’m falling into this realm where only this pleasure and the look in his eyes exist. He makes noises and moans too, and they are oh so delicious. Eventually we let go of each other’s hands, and mine rests on his chest, both as support and because I like feeling his skin and heartbeat. He moves his hands all over me, not really resting them anywhere for too long, and I love that. I move a tad bit faster and my head falls back a bit as I breathe out a moan.

“I wanna make you come so bad!” he says as one of his hands is already moving downwards.

“Oh, yes! Please…” I look at him, but then moan when his fingers touch my clit and start to slowly rub it. I close my eyes again. I’m noisier now, and with his fingers rubbing at me I can feel it coming faster.

“Oh, Tobi…” That’s all I manage as I feel it coming. He still keeps rubbing slowly, and I’m moving at the same pace too. The orgasm starts washing over me, and I arch my back and don’t hold back any moans or noises that escape my mouth. I stop moving too and just shiver. I slowly start to relax, and my hips twitch, and he finally stops rubbing me. I make quieter noises now and slowly open my eyes. I’m realizing that my nails dig a bit into his chest, so he’ll have some nail marks too. Finally, my eyes make the way up to his face, and I’m greeted with a smile.

“You were so beautiful. And so hot that you almost made me come too!” Our eyes meet, and we both know that this isn’t the end.

I smile and lean down and kiss him. The kiss communicates all the words I wanted to say. After a bit, he slowly moves his hips in small thrusts. I’m still sensitive and break the kiss to moan lightly, and I just rest my forehead on his. I feel his hands going up and down my back and sometimes squeezing my ass. He moans a lot more now, and I feel that he wants to go faster, but he is being gentle for me.

“I love you so much, Tobi,” I whisper and caress his hair.

He smiles big, and I feel his hands going around me in a hug. “Love you so much too. You feel so perfect. I missed this feeling…”

I kiss his lips briefly again and then settle for his neck. His hips snap faster and harder now, making me bite him and making him moan more.

“I am ready when you are ready”, I whisper in his ear and also buck my hips to match his thrusts. That makes him throw his head back more on the pillows.

“I’m close, my love”, he manages to say between all his noises and breathing. I raise my head to his, then bring my hand down between our bodies and start rubbing my clit again. Soon we are both moaning out each other’s names. I feel him squeezing me tight and coming in me which just makes me shiver more. Everything starts to wind down, and we both go limp. My head is in the crook of his neck, and his hands are loose but still around me. I don’t even care that I still have an arm in between us, and it’s not really comfortable. We both breathe heavily, and when he shivers feeling the afterglow, I shiver too.

I don’t know how long we stayed like this, but both of our senses start to come back to us and we almost simultaneously start giggling.

Tobi tries to speak first in between giggles. “I wonder if we’ll get away with how loud we were…” I bring my other arm back and then finally raise my head.

“Ah, who cares about that. This was AMAZING, and that’s all that matters.” I give him a giggly kiss.

After some more time, we finally disentangle. I still refuse to leave the bed so Tobi gets up first. I'm all satisfied and happy and even more happy seeing him strut around all naked. Finally he gets back from the bathroom.

"How and when did you manage to mark me up like this? Now I'll have to wear my scarfs even more," he pouts playfully.

I giggle before I can respond. "I'm not gonna be sorry for this. Your neck looks even prettier with all the marks. And besides, you wear your scarfs almost always anyway."

He only shows me his tongue, but doesn't say anything more. He knows I'm right, and secretly he likes that now his scarfs will hide a little secret of ours.

I use the bathroom too. We get dressed up and go to dinner with the other Avantasia guys. No one really questions why Tobi wears his scarf and no one says anything about what happened earlier. Either they don't know, or they know but don't say anything.

After the dinner, I leave Tobi hanging out with the guys, and I go back to the room as I feel really tired. This is the last day in Prague, so I pack my luggage. Before I go to bed, I look through the window at the lights of the city and daydream a bit. Suddenly I feel very familiar arms going around me, and I smile. Tobi's here. He hugs me from behind, and we stand like this for some time.

Back in bed and just before I fall asleep, I think about all that happened, and my heart once again fills up with love and joy. Then I cuddle up with him even more and fall asleep. Tomorrow we'll go back to Germany. The tour continues, but we both will remember Prague for a bit longer this time.

[adam-levineyard]

It's been really fucking long

So, I have not really been active these last years and stuff, and i don't even know how to begin unpacking all this shit.

Anyways, after the whole student exhange thing i got seriously depressed for about a year and a half or so. I started drinking too much, not caring enough about anything besides work to cope with it. Back in 2017 i was planning on running off with the (now i realize) little money I had saved. Ended up getting black-out-drunk as shit at my best friend’s bday party and confessing some really fucking nasty thoughts to both him and my parents between sobs and retches. I was at my lowest and started having some really bad ideas. I just wanted everything to stop. Anyways I kinda got better or something.

Until nearing the end of last year. Got really stressed out at work and drinking a lot again, ended up getting black-out-drunk again at work's christmas party. We went clubbing or something with the really wealthy owner. Everything was on the house. I don't know how I got back home barefeet, beaten, bruised, sobbing, with a bloody nose and dog bites all over my leg. Next morning I had no ID or money in my wallet. My calf has couple puncture scars that you can pinch and feel like you’re grabbing a bowling ball.  

And so it goes. Every 8 months or so I have some sort of breakdown or something, stop drinking altogether, get confident and careless again, and repeat the whole fucking thing. Last one was about a month or so. My last two gigs were as head bartender at an 80 seating capacity restaurant , then got stolen to a 600 capacity one. I get really obsessed and stress out a lot at work, it’s pretty normal in the restaurant industry. Started pulling two weeks straight with no days off and lots of overtime or doubles with no extra pay. Took some regular hours for about a week, then pulled the same shit again, but this time it was 3 weeks straight. Started overreaching myself, not doing things right, some national bigshot boss came over and realized the waiters were stealing from my stocks or charging customers extra and asked for my non-existent inventories, which I could not do cause I was very fucking busy making sure the bar was not left unnatended. She made me cry out of frustration and shame in front of everyone right there on the bar. Got drunk again, pulled the same shit over and quit about two weeks ago.

I was scouted for that restaurant. A Diageo World Class twice-participant saw me at the other bar I was working at, realized I'm fucking great (cause I actually am a fucking great bartender, mind you) and pretty much stole me from my modest 80 capacity bar to a whopping 600 one. His name’s Bernardo, and he’s the national head bartender for the whole restaurant chain, Palomino’s. They have seven outposts spread out in the country. I worked alongside him for two weeks and learned tons in that short time, then he returned to Mexico City, and we remained in contact. We got along great, he was the first and only bartender I met that knew what a fucking Sazerac was, or that also enjoyed Fernet Branca. Before he left, he passed on his bar blade to me. He had it for seven years.

I did my fair share, I saw that we made it through Mother's and Father's day and event after event. The local managers realized I would work as many hours as needed and latched on to it. At some point they chastised me at a meeting for accepting overtime pay, ever since I returned every extra cent whenever (if ever) I got a little extra on my paycheck. I eventually burned myself out and when I quit, they ended up begging me not to go for 10 days straight ‘til my last day. The managers even promised to send me to the Guadalajara and Mexico City outposts that we had so that I could grow as a bartender. Pretty much petty lies so I would pull a couple weeks more of extra shifts during this holiday season but I didn't buy it. I never talked to Bernardo about quitting, I just had to get out, whenever we talked he told me he considered me a friend. But I didn’t want to let him down.  But I know I did and I'm probably dead to him. I never talked to him again. He even sent me a couple messages asking me if I had my submission ready for a couple international competitions. I haven't even opened those messages, I think he blocked me. 

But I know how he thinks, cause we do think alike. I had a friend there who was head bartender before I was, they had me take over for him. He started burning out and they made me boss. He got depressed and told me about it. Asked for a day off to sort his feelings out and stuff. I knew how he felt so I ok’d it. He skipped work for three days straight. I spoke with Berna about it, and tried to soften the whole thing cause the other guy was my friend, as in like, “what should I do? I mean I’ve felt like that before and I know how it feels so I don’t wanna be too harsh or something” but he just cut me off and told me it was a load of bullshit and that he was gonna make him go tipless for 2 months, and warned me about pulling that kind of shit myself. And you know, I get him. I get it. Cause we do think alike. In this industry you can’t afford that kind of shit, you either suck it up or go fuck yourself. So when i realized that I was burning out  I decided to call it quits before I let them down even further.                                 To be completely honest, I loved the fact that they begged me to stay, promised me growth and promotion at bigger and better cities and a “a pressure free enviroment” as long as stayed for the holidays. I was under the impression that I was doing a horrible job, apparently not so much. The moment I decided to leave they started looking for replacements. As in plural. One barkeep leaves, two openings are posted. 

Anyways, this was not supposed to be such a depressing entry.                          I’m actually kinda sought after tbh, A couple friends from other bars had tried to swipe me from that bar, the owner at the bar they stole me from tried to lure me in again with promises of paying me bartending schools at New York and shit (he’s got the money but he usually doesnt put it where his mouth is, although apparently I was one of his favorites, the maitre’d told me he heard him order the manager to “look after me and keep me happy” while I was there so yeah). And you know, the whole begging-me-to-stay-shit at Palomino’s.

One of my closest friends and his gf actually put in a good word about me at the university they teach at, and I was offered to teach bartending to the culinary students there. Honestly, I do know a lot. Like, a  l o t . But you know me, I’m shy as shit and don’t do well in front of crowds, so my classes haven’t really been tip-top. But I’m working on it. They’re twice a week so I haven’t given more than three classes to both groups. Group B seems to like me though, but i think I bore Group A. The rest of my time I’ve dedicated to resting a bit for once, and this week I started kickboxing, so let’s see how that goes. I’m hoping it makes me a bit more assertive. I always struggle to speak my mind at work mostly because you get a motley crew of misfits working at restaurants, so I’ve been threatened with an ass kicking more than twice whenever I get aggressive at work (which i surprisingly often do). I’m also doing it for fitness, and a sense of progression and achievement. I’m doing kinda well, but that happens with every breakdown-cycle-thing. Hoping third time’s the charm.