#i understand why so many characters died. it is a nightmare juggling so many characters

[seagullcharmer]

pale solrezi.......

[mvnvgedmischief]

unremarkable days.

summary: sirius black is trying to be a good man, a good brother, a good person. Sirius has a steady job designing book covers for a publishing house, a flat he never leaves, and a traumatized brother who was just removed from the custody of his parents. All in all, it's wildly unremarkable.

chapter:  5/?

characters: sirius black, regulus black, wolfstar, background marauders

tags: tw: canon compliant abuse, child abuse, social services, abuse, eating disorders

read it on ao3 here

read the last chapter here

words: 4.2k

Sirius felt his mind whirring, as usual. God, it was so hard for him to be normal, to cope with the stress and the frustration and the exhaustion. He didn’t know how he was meant to. He remembered just a month ago, when Alice told him he should take a parental leave. Six weeks off he could have had if he wanted them. But he wanted to keep his trajectory undisputed. It was a mistake, in hindsight. He didn’t know then just how difficult his parents would make things. He didn’t know then what he knew now. He would have said “fuck it” to his trajectory if he would’ve been able to sleep. After all, it was the only thing he really wanted. It was the only thing, other than Regulus’s safety. 

He knew that he couldn’t do anything about this Remus situation. It was too dangerous. If he did something, he didn’t want it coming out in court. If he didn’t, Remus would probably never approve a design again. At least, not from him. So he chose to do what anyone would in his position. He called Marlene and looped in Alice. The calendar invite specified the meeting would begin in twenty minutes. He had titled it “Team Touchbase: The Girls are Talking Shit Again” in hopes to lighten the mood. However, there was no way that it would work. Not with the conversation he was about to have. 

He found himself breathing deeply. Trying to muster the courage to do this. They would be upset. He was sure of it. Especially when it was something this earnest, this niche and close to his chest. But Sirius didn’t have any other choice. Not as far as he could tell. So instead, he made plans for all of the inevitable ways they would try to convince him not to do this. But his mind was already made up. There was no going back now. Not when he was already this committed to the decision. 

“I need to be dropped from this project.” He doesn’t even bother with pleasantries. “Alice, please take me off of this project.”

The scoff caught him off guard. In all the time he had spent working closely with Marlene, she had never scoffed at him. Then again, he’d never asked to be taken off either. “You’re gonna let one bad meeting get to you? It’s not that big of a deal, Sirius.” Marlene was looking at him expectantly. As though she expected him to realize that he was wrong and laugh about it. 

“They’ll all be bad. I need to be dropped from the project.” He stated it like a fact. Maybe because to him, it was one. He just kept repeating it because if he said it enough times maybe they would just believe him and drop him from this book, and this chaos.

“What happened in your meeting earlier? I feel like I’m playing catch up.” It really wasn’t fair to Alice that she didn’t know. But Sirius didn't feel like explaining. 

“Sirius wants to get dropped from the poetry book.”

“But—“ Alice paused. She looked like she was sussing something out. “But aren't those your favorite pet projects?” 

“Yeah, but—” 

“So what’s the problem? “ Marlene cut him off again, and Sirius was beginning to lose his will to do this. He knew he couldn’t just not show up to meetings, but it would show them he needed to be taken off this project. 

“Alice, I have so many projects right now where the author doesn’t hate me. I don’t really have the time to be on a project where he does.” He wasn’t even acknowledging Marlene right now, because she clearly didn’t understand. why he wanted to be taken off. And that was okay, he didn’t mind, as long as he could get off this project. 

Marlene and Alice were good people. They weren’t going to make him do this when he reminded them of how much he was doing, how much weight he was actually pulling. He was sure of it. 

“Bullshit. He doesn’t hate you.”

Well that wasn’t what he anticipated. 

Marlene wasn’t having this. She began to extrapolate on her point, and Sirius was only half listening. “He thinks you’re cool and intimidating, Sirius. He was trying not to feel small. It might not be your style to take that on, but he doesn’t hate you and you know it.” Marlene seemed really keen on keeping him on this project. Sirius wondered why for a moment, but he couldn’t be sure. He didn't know how hard she worked to put him on this account in the first place. 

“Marlene, I don’t know how else to tell you this, but,” he could feel his tone rising. He was starting to get upset. “I don’t have the luxury of time right now to redo the last week of work by myself. Especially when he wants it by today. I don’t have the fucking time. All because he doesn’t like me. I don’t have the time. Take me off the fucking project.” 

“I’m sorry what? What even happened in this meeting?” Sirius wished she had just been there. He wished she watched it happen, because the idea of going through all of the gory details all over again made his skin crawl. 

“Her,” It was probably unfair to place that much emphasis on the word, as though it was Marlene’s fault, “client told me to start over, and when I asked him for any feedback, he essentially told me that if I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it that I should be out of a job.” 

“You’re being dramatic, Sirius! He didn’t say that! He just said that–” She paused, and Sirius assumed it was because that was exactly what Remus had said. “that you were the artist, not him.”

“Marlene, we don’t let our junior designers take project lead most of the time. I know you really wanted him on this project, but one of the reasons that junior designers don’t lead projects is because a team of two designers on one project is less likely to get bullied. Start cc’ing me on all your emails, I’ll be overseeing this project. “ Alice was speaking with conviction and grace, something Sirius knew he lacked.  He knew that lacking in that made him hard to root for, but he didn’t care. 

“Can I clear out my schedule from these meetings? I really don’t want to even look at them anymore.” He wished he didn’t sound like a kicked puppy right now.

“No.” Alice affirmed, “You are not about to let a client bully you out of your job. Besides, I’m overseeing this project, and this relationship. If you’re not there, there is no relationship.” She really had an air about her that made her hard to question. Sirius wished he had that. 

With that, the conversation was over. Neither Marlene nor Sirius look satisfied, but Alice has provided her mentee as good of a solution as he was probably going to get right now. And effectively Marlene got what she wanted. Sirius was still on the project. 

“Both of you, take the day to cool off. I’ll be getting in touch with the client later today to make sure that our client relationship terms are actually being upheld. Something tells me he didn’t read them.” 

Sirius nodded numbly. He felt emotionally tapped out. There was no way that this was going to work. How was he supposed to juggle all of this, on top of his already stressful life. So instead, he logged off, like Alice suggested. He was not going to be logging back on any time soon. He could practically guarantee that. 

Sirius found his way to the couch, with its ever inviting comfort. All of the coziness of falling asleep, none of the bedroom associated trauma. That was definitely a bonus. Falling asleep on the couch always seemed far safer than falling asleep in his bed. There was less likelihood of nightmares, less anxiety, less flashbacks. It was a wonder Sirius ever made it to bed. Today, he didn’t. He sat on the sectional, curling himself into a small ball in the corner, and turned on something low intensity. He put on a documentary series about penguins, which felt like it would be soothing, and before he knew it, he was asleep. 

He was lucky when he logged out of his email, it auto populated his Out of Office message. Or at least, usually he thought that. Today he would have rather died, then have that functionality turned on. Because he was sure it was what prompted Remus to wake him from his peaceful nap with a call. 

Well, peaceful was a strong word. It definitely had its own fair share of thrashing, but Sirius would take thrashing and nightmares he couldn’t remember over this phone call. He dreads it until he slides the accept call button.

“Sirius Black.” He begins, because what is there to say. His voice sounded thick with exhaustion. He could hear it.

“We need to get that meeting on the calendar.” Didn’t Remus know he could just send a calendar invite? This remote thing wasn’t nearly as complicated as he made it out to be. 

“I’m out of office Remus.” His tone was dripping with contempt. He didn’t want this. He wanted to sleep. 

“You’re always out of office. You never answer when i call you, it’s fucking nutty how hard I have to work to get you on the phone.” 

“It wouldn’t be if you could just check the google calendar or get your nose out of my business.” Sirius didn’t know he was feeling this spicy today. But apparently, he was enjoying controlled confrontation.  

“i don’t think that’s—“ 

“Stop asking people why I’m not in office. It’s none of your business.” He wasn't pulling any punches right now. He was going to get this man off of his back. “It’s fucking weird. I don’t know you.”

“I was just–“ Remus wasn’t going to get a word in edgewise. Sirius wasn’t going to let him. 

“And for that matter, it shouldn’t matter whether or not I’m remote. It seems to bother you so much, but you were the one who tried to put me on the project. You were the one who asked Marlene about it. I’ve been remote since before you got picked up, it’s not news to anyone else on the team. It’s weird that you’re so concerned with me.”

“You were the one who—“

“That was a big fucking mistake.” Sirius spit in response. Sure, he wanted to see Remus again when he had asked him on that date. But putting it all in perspective, he couldn’t do that. And he didn’t like that Remus was pressing everyone for the details of his personal life. He would rather cut this off here, not risk the court date and the details being aired out. Especially not since they could be used to take Regulus from him. He couldn’t risk it. 

“What was the point of it then? Why’d you ask me and then pull this?” Remus’s voice sounded small. Like he was going to cry. 

“I liked you until you started prying into my life. I don’t need more people running around trying to dig up information on me.” Sirius shouldn’t have said that. He felt it in his chest, but he couldn’t take it back now. He practically wants to scream, you could have just waited, I would have explained. But he could not do that, because it definitely wasn’t true. 

“Oh.” That’s all Remus said, before he clicked the phone off and hung up. 

Sirius didn’t have the time to think about that. He just didn’t. While six months ago he would have spiralled out of control thinking about what that short “oh” meant, but he couldn’t spend that time right now. Shit. What time even was it? He checked the time when his eyes began to focus again, and took a moment to try to collect himself. It was half past five, and he had no time because Regulus would be home from football in twenty minutes and Sirius needed to have dinner on the table. So he jumped off of the couch, and tore from the living room area into the kitchen. What was he even going to make? How would he even pull this together? 

He was moving at a speed he wasn’t sure he even possessed these days. He was running through what he could make mentally, trying not to come up with anything that would wear on him too heavily or signal a lack of effort to Regulus. It was a fine line that he walked every night. When food was too terrifyingly bland, too ashen in his mouth, and too overwhelming to his mind, how did he settle on something comforting for his brother? And on top of that, he needed to be quick.  He was running out of time.  He grabbed a jar of pasta sauce that he had made earlier in the week, and a box of spaghetti, and hoped that this would be enough. It wasn’t good enough to stand up to the chefs in the Black family home, but then again, he didn’t think Regulus wanted that anyways. 

When Regulus finally walked through the door, Sirius was almost done cooking. He had meatballs in a pan, the pasta was strained, and the sauce was warm. Maybe this would be enough. Maybe he would have done enough for them to just enjoy dinner, and have a normal night. 

“Hey, Siri.” Regulus looked calm for the first time in a long time. Hopefully tonight would be a good night. Hopefully they could have a normal meal, laugh and smile and have a good time. It would be nice. 

“Hey, Reg.” Sirius replies, putting together a bowl for his younger brother. He wanted so badly to just let things be normal. He puts one together for himself as well, and brings them over to the table.  If he needed to do it, he would. He didn’t want to be anything other than a positive force in Regulus’s life. He didn’t want to cause problems for him. “How was school?” 

Regulus looks up, god, when did his eyes start looking so sad. Where did the light he used to have in his eyes go? Had Sirius really missed so much  of his life? “School was fine. Kind of long. They sent me  to the  social worker today. Grilled me on what it was like living with you.”

Sirius felt his eyes go wide. Sure, it wasn’t surprising that they did, but still, it terrified him. 

“I told them everything was awful, obviously.” Regulus chuckled, and for a moment, Sirius’s heart dropped. However, in a moment, he was laughing right along with Regulus. Of course it was a joke. He hadn’t told them that, because he didn’t want to go back. Sirius was terrified of anyone taking Regulus, but Regulus seemed to be terrified of being taken away. At least today, he seemed to be. “I told them it’d be easier to get acclimated if someone stopped mum and dad from taking us to court all  the time.” That statement was smaller, more fearful. It was as if Regulus was afraid he had done something wrong. 

“Mate, I–” Sirius began, but Regulus stopped him, “Siri you can’t stop them. You don’t need to apologize to me.” 

That sentence could have made him crumble. It probably would have, if they weren’t interrupted by a knock at the door.  Sirius felt himself jump, and he watched Regulus do the same. God, Sirius wished they weren’t so fucking damaged. He wished that any noises that they didn’t know was coming didn’t startle them.  He wished they hadn’t been conditioned to be afraid for so many years. But then the key is clicking into the lock, and  Sirius is jumping up. He  doesn’t want this right now. He can’t do this right now. He knows it’s Jamie as soon as the sound of the tumblers click into place.  So he walked over  to the door with speed and a mission. He would keep them out of his home if he could help  it,  because he couldn’t do this tonight. They needed a calm night at home, a night of peace and family time, and Regulus was shifting uncomfortably  in the chair. 

“Jamie, you can’t  be here.”  Sirius began, before he even opened the door. 

“Mate, you didn’t come to the family dinner. We wanted to see you, so we came  to you,” James laughed and when Sirius looked around, it was the team. Including Remus. 

“No,” Sirius puts his foot behind the door,  holding it closed with only  his head poking out. 

“But Sirius it’s been forever since anyone’s seen you,” Peter called from behind him.  

“No, lads. Go home. It’s a school night.”  Sirius wasn’t budging. In fact, he was pleading.

“You don’t have a kid.” Remus called, clearly looking bitter. Sirius wanted to scream that he didn’t know what he’s talking about, because he didn’t.

“Go home, guys. You can’t come in. It’s a school night.” He repeated. They couldn’t. He didn’t want Reg to be so uncomfortable, which he clearly was. 

“Fine.” James looked irritated. Sirius understood why. He understood that he had forgotten the plans James made, but at the same time, he couldn’t juggle this right now. He didn’t have the time for all of this. He knew he had been MIA from his friend’s lives, but this wasn’t forever. It was just until he was done with all of these hearings. Just until his parents would stop. Just until Regulus felt more comfortable. Just until the chaos ended. 

Sirius returned from the door, and sat down at the table again. He didn’t really care to talk about it, but his brother looked so guilty that he felt like he had to. 

“They could’ve come in. I would’ve eaten in my room.” His eyes welled with tears, and he looked so deeply uncomfortable. 

“Reg, this is your house. Not theirs.”  Sirius responded with as much authority  as he could muster, but he definitely didn’t want to scare him. He didn’t want to seem like his parents, he didn’t want to behave the way that they did ever. It was a fine line to walk, and he knew it would get harder when he needed to put his foot down, be a disciplinarian in any way. But for right now, that wasn’t a concern of his. Right now he was much more focused on making this a welcoming environment. It needed to be comfortable for him before they could handle anything else.  

“It’s your house, you can have people over if you want.” Regulus’s voice sounded thick with concern, laced with guilt. Sirius was terrified that he was royally screwing this whole thing up. He wanted to be a good brother, a good guardian, a support system. “I don’t wanna cause problems.” There it was, the sentence before the crumble.  Sirius could see it coming, because it was like looking into the past. Regulus reminded him of himself so much that it hurt sometimes. 

“Reg, mate,”  he started, and then he stood up (and pretended that he wasn’t seeing stars). “You aren’t causing problems,” in just a moment, he was beside his younger brother and his arm was wrapped around the teen’s shoulders. “I’m so glad you’re here. All I’ve ever wanted is to get you out of there. I just couldn’t before. The council wouldn’t let me.” 

“But– but–” Reg was stuttering and spiralling, “If I wasn’t here they wouldn’t be taking us to court all the time, there wouldn’t be private investigators, you wouldn’t have to worry.” His words felt like burns on Sirus’s skin. It felt like a vice gripped his heart, and all he wanted to do was support his brother.  All he wanted was for everything to finally be okay. 

“Reg, look at me.” Sirius’s calloused hand gently pulled his brother’s shoulder to face him. “I want you here. I have wanted you here since I left. I missed having my kid brother around, alright?” 

“Oh,” Reg responded, but he had already become despondent and detached. He wasn’t coming back from the stress and the emotional turmoil tonight. Sirius understood. He had been like that when he first left. Hell, he was still like that. He didn’t have the energy to do for himself what he had done for Regulus, by getting him the best treatment he could, and making sure to keep him together. He was trying to do for Regulus what Euphemia and Monty had done for him. He knew that he wasn’t measuring up to them, but he was trying. He knew that he had taken for granted what they had done, he was re-engaging in behaviors that weren’t healthy for him. Things they had worked so hard to pull him out of. But he was trying, and he didn’t have the time to take care of all of those old behaviors that had flared up. He didn’t have the energy to work on himself, when he had all of this going on. 

Shortly thereafter, Regulus decided to go to bed. Sirius understood, it had been a lot of effort to go to school, and footie, and deal with the stress of Sirius’s friends showing up out of nowhere. And Sirius was thankful in a way, because he was about to rip into James for doing this again. He should know better. Within minutes, he was ringing James and seething. He can barely wait until the phone is done ringing to start going in on him.

“Jamie, you can’t fucking do that to me.” He began, “You can’t just bring people to my fucking house, especially not people who don’t know what is going on. I can’t have people over– they have a fucking PI looking into me, documenting everyone who’s here, when they’re here. I can’t have a bunch of people over on a fucking school night! They’re going to try to take him from me over the smallest fucking thing, let alone having several twenty somethings over in the middle of the week out of nowhere!” He was not even taking a moment to breathe, “How could you fucking do that to me? Why do you want to help them?  I can’t even fucking leave my house without being fucking interrogated about it every two weeks in court! You can’t bring people here!” He reached up to push his curly black hair out of his eyes, and he realized that he was crying. He was really caught off guard by it. 

James waited a moment, before responding. James was always much better about keeping his cool than Sirius had ever been, and if he was honest, Sirius appreciated it. He appreciated that James kept it together when he couldn’t. “Sirius, I didn’t know. I don’t want you to get him taken from you. I’m sorry.”

“Jamie they can’t do it– they can’t take him– I can’t let them–” Now it was Sirius’s turn to spiral. The anger had subsided, and all that was left was his fear. He was terrified that he was going to lose his brother again, and he couldn’t handle that. 

“Siri– a judge would have to be mad to take him from you.” While that might have been true, it didn’t quell Sirius��s fears. 

“They have so much money, Jamie. They have so much power. They can do whatever they want and get away with it. It doesn’t matter if it’s legal.” Sirius wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. He was so terrified, and there was nothing that anyone could do to make this less terrifying. It was almost terrifying just how much power the Black family actually held. Sirius wasn’t sure that he could do enough to stand up to them. 

“I’m worried about you, Pads.” James let out a sigh, it seemed like this was a conversation he was dreading having. “You’re alone all the time. You never go anywhere. You’ve been lashing out at people— Pads, I can’t remember the last time it was this bad.” He sounded almost as terrified as Sirius felt. 

“I see them more now than I have in years, Prongs. I can’t handle this.” His voice is breaking. He was trying so hard not to lose it, but it hadn’t worked and it probably wouldn’t anytime soon. 

“You haven’t been seeing your counselor.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. 

“You don’t know that.” He was right, Sirius hadn’t been seeing his counselor. 

“Yeah I do. You’re online when you usually see her. Is it about the money? Me and Lil can help you out with money.” Sirius hadn’t expected to be called out like that. He didn’t have the energy to handle this conversation right now. 

“I can’t do this right now.” Sirius responded, “I’ve gotta go.” He didn’t really, he just wanted to be alone. He just wanted to not talk about it anymore, pretend everything was fine, dissociate for hours. That was what he wanted. It was completely unremarkable. 

[chatonyant]

im just so sad about this funky crow ninja

Listen

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Itachi is just

Such a tragic character and it makes me so sad

Like he's a pacifist at heart but he was forced to be the literal opposite at such a young age and I'm just so sAD ABOUT IT

(Under cut cause it’s long and it’s about the uchiha massacre if yall would rather not read bout that But it also has some soft ideas down at the way bottom if yall wanna just speed scroll to the bottom)

How he came to the choice he made regarding the Uchiha massacre totally makes sense to me. It wasn't a good decision, it wasn't a decision best suited for the situation, but it made sense. And it gets worse once you realize that he was 13. Thirteen. No wonder he couldn't find/use a third option. He's still a child, even in this world of child soldiers. He bloodied his hands and wore a mask so that the home he loved and the brother he adored could be safe.

I wish his story could've been written... better, for a lack of proper words. Maybe that is the right word. But I want to see him do more for Konoha. He became a missing nin for Konoha to spy on Akatsuki/Madara but we don't see the results of that. What information does Konoha get from him? Because we know that he's still loyal to Konoha after all this time. Did he do anything to slow Akatsuki down? Did he do things to benefit Konoha or stop something from badly impacting it? What did he do?

And then he dIES AND HE JUST DOESNT GET A BREAK AND IM HHHHH :((((((

And he was sick and going blind too!!!! I swear he was the universe's punching bag (though one of many cause the naruto universe just Be Like That)

Fuck ok I came on here to ramble about Itachi in my au but then got sad sO AU TIME NOW

For one I want to make him.... more sympathetic? A redemption works best when its shown from the start that there is more than meets the eye. Like Zuko, for example. He was a jerk, but there are moments where it's clear that he's not as much of a jerk as he could have been. And I wanted to do something similar with Itachi (and a couple other villains tbh but it's also a matter of "Should you survive" coughObitocough I love you but idk if you survive in this au or not but I have ideas nonetheless but that is for a later time)

Anyways, morally grey but more clearly Itachi

Honestly I've got more ideas for his ending than the beginning. Which is... very annoying. This is unfortunately the case for many... many of my ideas....

An idea I've been juggling with is Itachi not killing everyone. He definitely kills everyone who's activated their sharingan and anyone who is/was a shinobi. So everyone who's not a civilian. So,,, the survivors are very very little and are civilian mothers and civilian children too young to even attend the academy and like the occasional shop owners. The massacre was to stop the coup and prevent it from ever happening, so those who have the power to set forward this coup are any shinobi. And unfortunately, the Uchiha clan is an old shinobi clan.

Itachi is not a blank mask and does cry when he kills his parents and they leave their parting words. He's 13, forced to commit a crime that goes against his every wish, moral, and beliefs. Plus I believe the Uchiha are naturally every emotional- or at least feels it more intensely than others. Their whole defining ability has to do with emotions. They feel Very Strongly.

And thus by "cry" I mean he cries a lot. He almost has a breakdown right then and there when little baby Sasuke crashes in and see his crying older brother holding a bloody blade over his two very dead parents. 

For someone willing(ish) to murder a(lmost) a whole clan for the sake of his little brother, Itachi sure does directly hurt Sasuke a lot. Like genjutsu torture? Placing responsibility of avenging a whole clan on his tiny, angry shoulders? Oof, Itachi, bad ideas. 

So Itachi wants Sasuke to be safe. To be happy to the best of his ability. So instead, he uses a milder form of Tsukuyomi to place a suggestion in his baby mind that Itachi was in fact a cold hearted murderer. But the human mind is a strange thing that is difficult to understand, so for years Sasuke has nightmares of that night with his perception of Itachi varying wildly between a stone cold face and a tear-stained one. 

Itachi doesn’t do the whole “hate me and kill me for vengeance” because, again, he wants Sasuke to be safe and happy. Considering that he lives in a shinobi village and just had a highly traumatic experience, both are hard to come by, but the least Itachi can do is not have Sasuke’s whole life be overcome by hatred. Curse of Hatred is a very real thing, Itachi. I know you want Sasuke to have a goal to drive him forward and not waste away but bad idea Itachi. Maybe he says something else. Maybe he tells Sasuke to get stronger (but not in a “so you can get revenge” kind of way). I don’t know. But he doesn’t quite plant the idea of vengeance in his mind, so Sasuke’s motivation and drive ends up differently. Butterfly effects oho Also since Sasuke unlocked his sharingan during the massacre... is it possible to activate mangekyo as well? Cause he loves Itachi most, yes, but he also loved his parents, his mom especially. Would that be enough? Wiki says “death of someone close to the user”, so it’s possible, I think.

So many ideas about the massacre holy shit

Like Shisui. I’d totally love to make him live but frankly, I’ve got no idea how. :”D sorry Shisui, you’ll have to stay dead until I can find a solid reasoning as to how you survived and why

As for Madara/Tobi, well in anime he went after the Police headquarters while Itachi went after everyone else so there’s that, not much to change there

Then there’s a whole bunch of aftermath hijinks

Itachi is said to have aided Konoha within Akatsuki, but it’s not very clearly shown. Considering how we aren’t shown what exactly he passed on, that will be uh.... perhaps expanded on later. 

Sasuke and Itachi interactions before Shippuden would be different due to Sasuke’s own differences, but those differences haven’t be set yet so that will be explained later.

Ok, now the whole Itachi dying and being reincarnated shebang. Fourth War sure is wild as fuck. “Let’s mass reincarnate people!” what.

I don’t want Itachi to die. I want to let him rest. But not in death. 

So the general idea I have for the “end” of the story is:

He becomes legally blind. Not completely blind, but very close. His chakra coils are fucked and his sharingan are stuck in a way that he can kinda see chakra but very vaguely. 

His illness isn’t completely healed, but it’s much better than before; Sakura and Tsunade are legendary at what they do

He returns home to Konoha. Not sure how he will be accepted into the village but I was thinking the village makes a half-lie half-truth story pinning the blame on Danzo (Cause when in doubt, blame Danzo. Or Zetsu. But Zetsu isn’t blamable here)

He may not be imprisoned, but he isn’t free to roam. He’s monitored and has a (temporary?) seal placed on him limiting his use of chakra.

Itachi is surprisingly ok with all of this. He gets to retire from a shinobi life and he’s unraveled the story to Sasuke and was gifted a form of forgiveness. Life’s chill.

He works at the Yamanaka flower shop. It’s calming, peaceful, and it’s run by Yamanaka, powerful shinobi and also knowledgeable on psychology.

His crows are now seeing eye crows. They sit on either his shoulders or head and squawk whenever Itachi is too close to bumping into something. Sasuke very much enjoys when the crows are on Itachi’s head because when he tosses little treats at the birds, sometimes they land in Itachi’s hair.

It’s very hard for the shinobi to fear this honestly tiny man (because Itachi is small, fight me) who’s humming while watering plants with a bird on top of his head while the various heroes of Konoha take turns tossing treats at the bird like it’s a dog. 

“Nii-san. Nii-san stop squishing my cheeks.” “But Sasuke I want to see your face.” “Nii-san-���

oh my god so much brain power used on the massacre just so i could make itachi have a very domestic ending

[mrsgreenworld]

Sen Çal Kapımı Episode 17 aka Expect The Unexpected

I know I have been quite slow with the reviews lately. I guess real life just got busier and messier. But my thoughts are always with the show, with our two crazy lovesick kids. I make sure to watch each new episode live, keep up with new fragmans.

I remember before episode 17 aired, after having seen the fragmans, I was ready for another filler episode. I was also a bit frustrated that instead of moving the storyline forward they decided to randomly throw in the pregnancy scare trope. However, the writers managed to surprise me with the episode that I hadn't expected much from. I also believe we might have got a bit of foreshadowing as well as an important catalyst to finally move the story forward.

But let's discuss all the good and bad in detail.

The things I loved/liked:

☑️ how balanced this episode was: the transition from the lighter and funnier first part to a more loaded second half with some longing between Edser, completely unexpected turn of events at the party and finally - that gut-wrenching final scene; everything was done at the right pace, at least it felt that way to me; they didn't drag on the pregnancy misunderstanding, it was resolved in one day which I was more than happy with (it could've lasted for days 😬);

☑️ Serkan: my baby is back where he belongs - among all the things I loved about the episode 🥰❤️

honestly, Serkan and his response to the whole situation was one of the main highlights for me - it was hilarious, it was adorable, it was sweet, it was loving;

I have already mentioned before that I absolutely love how attuned to Eda Serkan is; this episode wasn't an exception; do you remember the moment he realised something was up? it literally took a comment from Leyla to Eda about tea and our boy's eyebrows immediately furrowed in confusion and suspicion; and when he came up to Eda to tell her they would work together and asked if that was okay - of course he noticed how Eda's face changed before she left for the bathroom; and a concerned hubby that he is he asked Leyla what was wrong and then instructed her to keep tabs on Eda - swoon 🥰😍

that phone call to the family doctor and his face when he heard the doctor mention pregnancy - 🤣🤣🤣🤣

and then his comment about Ebola completely cracked me up - he's such a hypochondriac 👀😬🙈😂

his bathroom meltdown - comedy GOLD! Kerem was spectacular in that scene, his facial expressions as well as that "NE???!!!" - worthy of a standing ovation 👏👏👏 and it proves what a great actor he is in both funny comedy moments and loaded dramatic scenes; it gets me rolling on the floor when he juggles all sorts of facial expressions and I drown in my own tears when he cries;

then there were tiny adorable moments that, I think, really spoke volumes yet again what sort of person Serkan is - kind and caring, someone who loves deeply; when he told Eda not to sit down so fast, when he asked if she was hungry, tried to make her sit down, was worried that she was cold, took unhealthy snacks from her and got her fruit and nuts instead, was making sure she was comfortable, kept glancing at her stomach - all that was a sneak peek at what Serkan Bolat will be as a father; he will be such a mother hen and when Eda is actually pregnant I swear he will be the one more hormonal 🤣😂😆

I loved that he shared his suspicions with Engin;

his reaction when the misunderstanding got cleared up - I was rolling on the floor 🤣🤣

and while he was relieved it didn't look bad on him; it wasn't a type of relief when a person doesn't really want kids or doesn't want them with this particular person and thinks "oh, that was close!"; I am sure when it comes to Eda Serkan wants to make their own football team of Mini-Bolats; he wants this woman to have his children - I believe it without a shadow of doubt; however, I am also sure that, given the current situation Serkan and Eda are in, Serkan wouldn't want to tie Eda to himself like that;

the party - when he saw Eda in the dress he had bought for her 🔥🔥🔥🔥; I am sure he was useless in the conversations he was trying to make because his focus was entirely on Eda, he was following her every move with hungry eyes; damn, Sir! at least try to be a little more discreet 😏🥵

I loved how he asked Eda point blank if she had chosen the dress on purpose - he wasn't even trying to hide how affected he was;

and finally - of course there was that final scene with Serkan when he completely LOST IT; honestly, watching him break down like that - gave me chills;

we had never seen him like that; it's a well-known and established fact what kind of a person Serkan Bolat is - he's a control freak who can and is good at keeping his emotions in check, he doesn't express his feelings easily or even at all that's why he comes off as a cold and emotionless robot; so can you imagine how bad the situation has to be for him to lose it like that and not in the privacy of his home, where he's alone, but in the office, with all his employees and friends as witnesses?

the situation is really Serkan's worst nightmare due to the number of reasons:

1 - Serkan is a control freak (as I have already mentioned many times) and being in a situation where he cannot control something is hard for him psychologically;

2 - Serkan is a perfectionist and perfectionism often stems from the fear of making mistakes because a person was raised this way, wasn't allowed to make any mistakes as a child; we have even heard it from Serkan himself in one of the conversations with his father - he grew up thinking he had no right for mistakes, thinking that he must have done something wrong for his parents to just send him away;

3 - the cruel irony of this situation being so similar to what had happened to Eda's parents;

of course no one died but it could have happened; then Serkan would have turned into his father (in his own mind and eyes); it's just like Eda's parents all over again; can you imagine what kind of thoughts were going through his head? how he's cursed or something, that he really doesn't deserve Eda, that his family taints everything it touches... 😭💔

Kerem's acting in the last scene was truly one of his best and strongest Serkan moments👏👏👏👏;

☑️ Eda: one of my absolute favourite things about our girl is that she keeps her word; there are not many people who do this in life (while I myself try to keep my promises I, unfortunately, often fail);

I was so proud that, no matter what's going on between herself and Serkan, Eda didn't refuse to help Aydan and promised that they would work on her phobia together;

I also loved Eda's idea with the virtual tour around London - very creative and thoughtful way to help Aydan get out of the house without actually leaving the house because baby steps, this cannot be rushed, this type of problems don't go away at the snap of our fingers;

while I find it a bit strange that Eda volunteered to babysit a random couple's child (me and Serkan both, he also said that he doesn't understand Eda 🙈😆) it's another great manifestation to the type of a person she is - kind, loving, generous, ready to help even complete strangers; moreover, the whole situation with the baby allowed us to sneak a peek at Eda as a mother;

and speaking of that scene where Serkan said he didn't understand Eda and wanted to know why she would agree to help people she didn't know - I freaking LOVED how unapologetic she was when she said it's who she is; so he either accepts her for who she is (the way she accepted him) or he can be on his merry way; that's such a joy to watch - a woman who's not sorry for who she is, who loves and respects herself and demands the same respect in return 👏👏👏💞💞💞;

finally, there was the final scene but before that there was also a small moment after the roof had collapsed, when they were still at that house - everybody had left and Eda asked Serkan if there was something she could do, if he wanted to be left alone; she gave him what he wanted and needed in that moment;

but the next day, in the office, after having witnessed his breakdown Eda shows her unwavering belief in Serkan; I loved how she was able to put aside her hurt, maybe to an extent even her pride, and come to him; how she didn't back down and in that moment refused to leave him alone because she knew that wasn't what he needed, he needed her; and she was there, she was there when it mattered;

☑️ Edser: these two idiots are broken up but I swear they couldn't look or act more married; that's basically what we got in this episode - a flashforward of sorts where Edser are married with a kid and expecting another one;

however, this episode also provided us with some longing and lots of UST at that party;

and again there were subtle nods to them being soulmates, which manifested itself in how attuned to each other they were (Serkan with the pregnancy, Eda at the end of the episode) and also the parallel scene at the very beginning with both of them boxing - the same choice of activity to take their minds off of each other (it was also hot as hell 🔥🔥🔥🥵);

☑️ Aydan: OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

yes, Aydan made it into this category!😱😲

but the writers had really been doing a good job with her and actually showed character growth;

at the beginning of the episode when Eda confronted Aydan about what she had overheard Aydan tried to make something up and said how it was her who had convinced Serkan that they were wrong for each other; what I really enjoyed in that moment was how uncomfortable Aydan looked while saying all those things; it was basically written on her face that what she was saying wasn't true, that wasn't how she felt, she understood that it would hurt Eda to hear that and she didn't want that; it's such a stark contrast to Aydan from episode 11; does anyone remember episode 11? well, I do, perfectly well; I was ENRAGED; Aydan back then said how Eda was not the right match for her son, she was cruel and she didn't even give a flying flip that her words were hurtful for Eda;

it was also nice to see how humbled Aydan was while receiving Eda's help;

☑️ Engin: basically the fact that he continues being the best best friend ever and his reaction to Eda's possible pregnancy - PRICELESS!🤣🤣🤣

I think Engin is the second (after Eda) and the last person who can get away with pulling Serkan Bolat by his cheeks 🙈😆😂

I also really enjoyed Engin's dig at Serkan's character and how he hoped his nephew/niece wouldn't take after Serkan 🤣🤣🤣;

The things I didn't like / was annoyed with:

❎ Efe: oh, he's one bad motherfucker!😠😡🤬😤

from pretty much openly threatening to teach Serkan a lesson to actually fucking up those blueprints and setting Serkan up - THE *UCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

it was clear from the phone call with his secret partner that he hadn't planned for it to go like that but still his intentions had clearly been far from good and he deserves whatever is coming his way; like Serkan Bolat coming for his head and ending his career 🙄😎;

❎ Pırıl and Engin: the whole jealousy thing was so far-fetched and tiring to watch; to me Pırıl seemed a bit too territorial, it's quite obvious that Engin had only eyes for her; Engin was too oblivious and honestly I feel bad for him because the writers turn him into a bigger idiot (when it comes to women) with each new episode;

❎ Selin: the same thing over and over again, in each new episode she's unbearable; she just walks around with bitch face, complains about everything and everyone but ultimately serves zero purpose;

this character is so focused on herself that she didn't even seem bothered by her conversation with Efe where he basically threatened Serkan; there was a poor attempt with that "should I be worried?" but it was enough for Efe to just smile at her and she let it slide 🤦🤷;

in that scene at the office with Ceren and Ferit the behaviour she demonstrated was the one of a pre-schooler or maybe immature teenager but definitely not of a grown-up woman;

❎ Ceren and Ferit: while they started out really well, I enjoyed their first meeting, then it got weird and their interactions became awfully uneven; Ceren is really overdoing this hot and cold thing;

while I liked how Ceren stood up for herself after Selin's outburst, I think all of that should have been said to Selin's face, not Ferit's.

And that's pretty much it! Finally!🥳🥳🥳

P.S. Wanted to post my episode 18 review today as well, before episode 19 airs, but it's still not ready, need to cut down some stuff cause it's turning into a freaking monster 🤦😱

[shaxori-fiendline-posts]

Blackbox Theater in Gehenna

Ahem.  I haven’t done this in a while so, bear with me.  No, really, Bear, *grabs shirt hem*  I want to wander for a bit.  Take a walk with me down the tangents for a bit.  So, I’ve been working on my book.  My weird way of trying to put myself out there while exercising my mind and imagination again after being stuck in between real life in Malsheem and the inside of my head in Gehenna.  Trying to come up with a way I can dress up real life in order to understand what’s going on in a world where anything can happen.  I’m trying to make heads or tales of the patterns I think I see in the world around me.  Everything starts with a question.  And the question drops like a stone into the Astral Sea, sending out ripples of effect in everything.  But I can’t see all of the angles to understand where each ripple originated by myself.  I try, but when I do I feel like there’s always two sides of my personality warring for control over everything.  So, since you’re not only my singular follower on here besides a bot, you’re also the most science brained individual I know that is still willing to pat me on the head and say, “ok, I’ll suspend my disbelief in anything unexplainable by science and just believe for a little bit.”

So, here’s the question that started this particular tangent.  I’ve been trying to figure out how to use Lilly as an avatar to help me get my thoughts in line.  99.9% of this writing has been me reverse engineering my friends’ personalities into fictional characters that respond as they might have if we were role-playing the characters I created for them.  Jareth is a character, for example, that was once played by my buddy, Jimmy.  His explanation for Old Ones was nearly a direct quote as to how he described it to me when I was trying to get a handle on Lilly’s crazy.  I could have kissed him.  As soon as he explained it, something clicked in my head as I was trying to explain why Lilly is so fucked up.  Well, I thought I could keep that one locked up for a while and try to build up to it more, but I just can’t.  It feels like taking three steps backward in the writing when I do.  But it started raising more questions in my head, and I’ve never been good at juggling.  Questions started dropping out from between my fingers, sending out so many questions, I couldn’t keep up.  It’s gotten to the point as I’m trying to figure out how to tie off loose ends from earlier chapters without cheesing it (because I’ll fucking forget where I buried the leads and get lost in the fucking minefields again) that both Lilly and I are about to say fuck it, I’m going back to working in the toil and we’re going to do everything possible to forget we ever peeked at the last few pages of the book.  We spoiled the ending for ourselves and now we are in a constant state of hurry up and wait.  And we’re tired.  She’s pissed, I’m just defeated.  No, that’s not the right word.  Done.  Yeah.  Thankfully, Lilly is the part of my brain that never stops moving.  She’s constantly wandering down through the halls of the Library, (which looks like an MC Esher nightmare, BTW) pulling down boxes and picking through them to try and find all of the pieces of the puzzle to finally get out of my head.  And you know what happens when I start to hyper-focus of the pieces instead of looking at how they fit together.  Wooo Shiney happens entirely too much.  So, when I say I’m done, it’s not the depression talking, it’s the apathy warring with my reasonability.  When I say I’m done, I’m mean I’m done giving a shit.  I’m done trying to put my life on display in such a way that I can’t tell what tone of voice to read it in.  I can’t figure out who it is that I’m talking to.  I don’t know who is going to read it which is why I pinpointed a person that doesn’t exist in this world. Normally, I would try to motivate myself by saying “maybe.”  But, I’ve always known, just like every kid does, that “maybe” is really “no” in disguise.  Unless you get a solid yes and/or proof of validity, anything else is a “no”.  You get used to hearing all of the variations of “no” to the point where you expect it from everyone and when you do hear “yes” you immediately question the person’s level of trustworthiness.  Are they just fucking with me and, if they are, what are they getting out of it?  “You.  You want to be my friend?  Wait, why?  I’m a horrible individual.  I’m an asshole.  I’m actually proud of the fact that I really could give a shit about the vast majority of the population.  All I care about is me and mine.”  But my problem is I can’t stop adopting strays.  I try to put myself out there to draw in others like me and find the good ones to keep.  That’s why Jareth/Jimmy keeps lecturing me about my accidental families.  And then I look at the nest of weirdos I’ve created and, well, you’re married to one of them, you know what I’m talking about.  Like, I love them all, but they make my brain hurt sometimes.  “Yes, kids, I love you, now go play in the corner, Mommy has a lot of shit do and I’m starting to understand while some species of animals eat their young.”  I’m so thankful nature decided to take my ability to procreate without fertility treatments.  I have enough deviants to keep me amused, I do not need children.  At least with mine, I can hand them a pair of scissors and not have to wor... nevermind, I take that back.  I can feel the bullshit cough from here.  My point is, I’m a tech, I can wrangle the clowns and fix their chainsaws, but I do not have the energy to keep the rest of the circus in order at the same time.  The rest of the show has to fall to someone else.  That’s why I’m using D&D as a set for the stage.  When I try to build the world from scratch on my own, I have to try and make it unique enough to showcase my skills at descriptions, but I get lost in the descriptions and forget that I have to make sure the characters stay on track with the story through their interactions.  Using D&D gives me a static resource set to get a mental image of the world in which Lilly lives.  With the set already built, I can put down the tech belt and go run with the clowns to burn off some excess energy.  But I have to make sure Lilly is rounded out well enough not overwhelm the party.  Unfortunately, since the story is inspired by real life events and thought processes (somewhat, it’s D&D for fuck’s sake) I’ve reached the point where I’m going to have to do META ass shit in order to get past Act One.  After that, in real life, I have to find some source of income that doesn’t involve donating plasma to pay my cell phone.  I want to write.  I want to be creative.  I have a million and one ideas on things I could try, but I also know that I have to get out of Malsheem if I’m ever going to get to the Feywild for real.  And that takes coin because I have yet to figure out portal tech as a practical application.  That’s on the shelf marked “the geometry is wrong” in the “don’t go in there, it’s weird” section of the Library.  I need an adult to go in there.  I just scared myself in two different ways thinking about going in there alone, the first was the atmospheric drop in temperature and the second was the sudden realization that I tend to be smart enough to know better, but too dumb to quit.  I will open some box or book and, yeah.  I’m not allowed in there without supervision.  Ok, that started a ripple of potential hypnotherapy sessions.  Provided I could find someone actually capable of hypnotizing me. Anyway.  That’s right, the point.  Lilly is supposed to be my character, my way of telling my story through the filter of fantasy so I can make sense of it all. And I can’t stay stuck at my desk anymore, hoping and praying that’ll I’ll do something right this time.  So, I’m going to make sure she’s at a playable level and do some pick-up games with her when I can get time to myself to be able to play between working at a *shudders* normal job long enough to clean up my credit and get a place of my own somewhere.  Then, I’ll be able to reassess the situation without the continuous irritation of Dopple-Mom interruptions.  If I have to go back to the call-centers, I might be able to power through it like I did before.  I’m just going to have to watch out for the traps I fell into last time. But I’ll have to put the book on hiatus until I’m in a place of my own and can relax when I get off work enough to be able to think freely.  It won’t really gather any readers or foot-traffic on Royal Road while I’m working, but I’m ok with that.  It takes away the pressure of trying to build an audience while the book is still being written.  Granted, that would make it easier to transfer into an actual novel format once it’s completed and have a market waiting for release so I *can* write for a living.  But, hope in one hand and shit in the other, all you get is pink-eye.  I can’t control who sees my stuff.  I can’t control its reception or the opinions thereof that dictate word of mouth marketing.  When your success in a field is dependent on the reviews of your work by the general public, sometimes it’s better to just stop giving a fuck.  I’m not going to try and build an audience ahead of time anymore.  I’m just going to write and release chapters until I have to hit the hiatus button.  If the story dies because I can’t find the time or the motivation to write, it’ll just be added to the failed attempts pile.  Not the first, not the last.  Smart enough to know better, too dumb to quit, remember?  I’ll try again at some other point to write a story worth sharing.  It just won’t be inspired by real life.  Just straight fantasy so I have a place in my head I can visit that’s nice to hang out in for a change.

[incorrectsanders]

Coming Home Part 1 (Mall Employee AU)

This was so long that it hit Tumblr’s word limit. So, a part 2 will be uploaded very soon. Check back for a link!

Part 2

Please enjoy the next installment of the Mall Employee AU Read about Logan and Virgil’s relationship here and Patton and Roman’s here

Relationship: Platonic Thomas/Virgil

Genre: Hurt/Comfort? Angst with a happy ending?

Summary: Virgil is a foster kid that feels alone in the world. Thomas is his boss who just wants to help him.

Warnings: Minor character death, nightmares, implied afterlife, implied communication with spirits

Virgil groaned, sitting up in bed and looking over to the door that was being incessantly knocked on. It was probably the girls from the apartment next door coming over to check up on him. His dad made them do it at least twice a day, especially when he was working overtime. Virgil got it, he knew leaving an eleven year old all alone all day was stressful but he could handle himself. And did they really have to come at eleven at night? Sure, they were twenty, only had classes Monday through Thursday, and could stay up later than he could but he was only in sixth grade and he had school on Fridays.

When he opened the door, he was only met with one of the girls. She had tears in her eyes, she was shaking, and he could hear her roommate crying in the other apartment.

“Hi, Mi hijito….” She said. Virgil wasn’t stupid. He knew something was bad. He’d never seen Valerie cry before. Dahlia, he’d seen cry at Disney movies but she never sounded like that.

“What’s wrong?!” He asked quickly.

“Oh, Virgil…” She whispered, picking him up and heading over to the bed. It wasn’t hard, he was small for his age. His dad struggled to keep them clothed and fed and consequently, Virgil wasn’t growing how he should. She sat down and held him close, and usually Virgil would have melted into it and fallen back to sleep. He loved Valerie and Dahlia, the best friends always watched over him and made sure he was safe. But he was scared. Valerie’s voice wasn’t steady, she was shaking, she looked like she was about to break. “There was a really bad fire in a hotel downtown. A lot of people died… your Dad-“ She broke off into a sob, and a hand clapped over her mouth. Virgil’s eyes immediately filled with tears.

“No…” He choked out.

“I’m so sorry, mi hijito!”

“No! No, it’s not true, you’re lying! Where is he- I want my Daddy! Daddy!” He was screaming now. He could hear people shouting from their apartments to shut up. They had no idea…

***

It was the obnoxious ringing of his alarm that woke him up. He had tears in his eyes and he was sniffling quietly. He wished it had just been a nightmare.

He’d always hated his fathers job. Virgil constantly told him how dangerous it was, that he could get hurt or worse- but his dad was stubborn. Virgil got that from him.

His dad told him that he barely made enough money to keep their small studio apartment. He said that he was so close to a promotion and besides- this had always been his dream; to save people. He told Virgil that he would understand when he was older.

Well here he was four years after the man's death and he still didn’t understand.

Valerie and Dahlia had taken four hours to calm him down that night. They took care of him for nine months before CPS found out he wasn’t staying with a "capable relative" and took him away. He would never let them find out it was because he’d heard them talking about how stressed they were over juggling tuition, bills, and supporting a child. He would have never told them he went and called CPS himself because he loved them and he didn’t want to be their burden.

It had been three years since he’d seen them. He didn’t know that when he was taken away he wouldn’t be able to contact them again. Honestly, he doubted they’d even tried. Virgil was a burden to them.

A soft sigh filled the shoebox of a room as he sat up on his cot and glanced over at the time. Seven thirty. He had half an hour to get ready and then he head to get on the bus so he would be at work on time. Thomas was going to be there with him for this shift and he didn’t want to get on the bad side of the owner. He’d already been nice enough to give Virgil a chance even though he was still in high school and had been stumbling his way through nearly everything. It was only his second week on the job, he had to keep it. Where else was he going to find someone who was going to pay him two full dollars over the minimum wage?

His jeans were torn at the knee from when one of the older foster kids had pushed him on the concrete and his long sleeve shirt had holes all over it but it was the best options he had and he didn’t have time to stress over it.

He didn’t expect Thomas to question his clothes when he got to work.

“Next time you come in, make sure you don’t have any rips or loose ends hanging around. It’s a cool dress style and all, but its dangerous to have that when we’re working in a kitchen. I wouldn’t want you to get snagged on anything.” The older man explained.

Maybe it was the dream he’d had last night, maybe it was the stress of being shoved in a shitty foster home, or maybe it was because he was just tired, but hearing that made Virgil’s lip start quivering, and his eyes slowly well up with tears.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, I don’t have anything that’s not ripped- I can buy it as soon as I get my first paycheck, but I can’t yet- please don’t fire me!” He babbled out quickly, rubbing harshly at his eyes so none of the tears would spill as his chest started rising and falling quickly and his breaths started coming out sharper.

***

Thomas knew what a panic attack looked like. Both of his best friends suffered from anxiety and he’d helped them through many attacks before. He had anxiety himself as well. So, he quickly took his newest hire’s shoulders and sat him down at the back desk, then knelt in front of him.

“Virgil. Virgil, listen to me. Look at me, can you hear me?” He asked. He watched Virgil nod shakily through his crying and he felt horrible. The poor thing was trembling and all Thomas wanted to do was wrap him up in a blanket and keep him safe. He didn’t have that though, so instead he grabbed his own jacket off of the back desk and wrapped it around Virgil’s shoulders. Virgil immediately grabbed onto it, pulling it tighter around himself. “Good, now I want you to breath. You’re going to breathe in for four seconds, hold it for seven seconds, and breathe out for eight seconds. I’ll count, just follow me.”

It took a few cycles, but finally Virgil didn’t look as tense, his breathing was normal, and his eyes were relaxed. He looked so tired...

“Better?” Thomas asked. Virgil nodded a little bit and he smiled in return. “Good. Why don’t you put your head down for a few minutes? I know how draining anxiety attacks can be.” He said. Virgil looked confused for a second, but also a bit like he didn’t have the energy to fight it. He just looked so young as he nodded and laid his arms and head on the desk, Thomas wanted to burst.

Virgil ended up sleeping through his entire shift. Thomas didn’t have the heart to wake him up to work, and when the next employee came in to take over he still didn’t want to wake him. He had to though, so he walked over, gently shook the boy’s shoulder and smiled. “Wake up Virgil, it’s time to go home.” He said. Virgil’s head shot up and immediately went to the clock and he looked like he was about to panic again. Thomas hushed him before he could even think about it, reaching over to stroke his back. “No, no, don’t worry. I didn’t want to wake you up. Can we talk for a few minutes before you head home, though?” He asked. Virgil nodded slowly, his eyes downcast.

“It’s okay. I get it, I’m fired.” He mumbled.

“Virgil- oh my goodness, sweetie, no!” Thomas said, crouching in front of the chair again so he could get to eye level. God, Virgil was so small. “I just need to ask you something, okay? You got so stressed, you said you didn’t have any other clothes. Is everything okay at home?

The poor thing looked ready to start sobbing again. He didn’t even talk, he only shook his head and Thomas’ heart immediately broke for the poor thing.

“No? What’s wrong? I know I’m not that much older than you but tell me what’s wrong and I’ll do my best to make it better, okay? Is everything okay? Are your parents treating you okay?”

Virgil only reached up, rubbing harshly at his eyes again and shaking his head. “I don’t have parents.” He sniffled.

“You don’t have... oh... are you in the foster system?” Thomas asked quietly. Virgil slowly nodded. “And... are you in a bad family right now?” He continued.

“Please don’t tell anyone! Please! I could end up across the country and no one is going to pay me like this job does- no one will even hire me!” Virgil sobbed out.

If his heart broke before, it absolutely shattered now. He had to do something... this poor, sweet little one was hurting and Virgil was the brightest kid he’d ever met. He wanted that to flourish, he didn’t want it to be crushed. What if he stayed in the system and ended up going down a dark path?

Thomas sighed, shaking his head and grabbing him by the arms. “C’mere, buddy.” He murmured, and wrapped him up in a tight hug.

He was sure he broke him by doing that. Virgil started to wail and his own eyes started tearing up just from the sound. The boy’s hands were clinging to his shirt and he was shaking so hard that Thomas was concerned his legs were going to give out. When was the the last time someone gave this poor thing a hug?

The other worker popped her head into the back and Thomas just mouthed a ‘I have it’ and waved her off. He had a feeling that Virgil wouldn’t want anyone to see him like this. So, he just let Virgil cry until he finally went quiet and he didn’t pull away, he let Virgil do it. He was still shaking a bit, but it seemed like his tears had stopped.

“I won’t tell anyone. But I’d like to hear more about this, okay?” He asked. It took another prompt before Virgil nodded his head, and Thomas nodded in return. “Okay. And like I said, these clothes aren’t okay for work.”

“I’m sorry, I promise that once I get my-“

“No Virgil, not once you get your check. Today. C’mon, do you have to be home anytime soon?”

“No...”

“Okay, go wash your face off. We’re gonna go get lunch, and then we’re gonna go buy you some new clothes, okay?”

“But I don’t have the money...”

“I do. I’m paying.” And maybe he could have been a little more eloquent with his wording because Virgil looked like he was about to panic again. “Hey, don’t worry. The shop isn’t my only job, I’m a chemical engineer. I never do anything fun, let’s both go on a little shopping spree, yeah?”

“But... But why?” Virgil asked. There were tears welling up in his eyes again and this time Thomas didn’t even think. He placed his hands on his shoulders and looked down into his eyes, giving him a gentle smile.

“You’re a bright kid, Virgil. I know you’ve been through a lot, I can see it in your eyes. I think it’s time someone does something good for you.”

***

“You want to... adopt this kid? Thomas- you realize you’re only twenty seven, right?” Joan said slowly.

It was their monthly movie night. Their college friend group had been doing it since they graduated. It’s what kept them in touch. Thomas, Joan, Tayln, Dom, Valerie, Dahlia, Terrence and Leo were all stretched out around his living room. The movie had been paused the second that Thomas had uttered the words ‘I’m thinking about adopting a kid’.

“He needs someone, Joan! He’s in such a bad family, they use all the money they get from the state to go out gambling. You should have seen him at lunch, he ate so much! And I bought him clothes- he cried the entire way home! I saw the street he lives on, it’s so unsafe!” Thomas defended. He was standing now, gesturing quickly and clearly in a lot of distress over this.

“Report it then, Thomas. They’ll move him and they’ll revoke those parents’ license.” Terrence offered.

“What if they just move him to another bad home? He’d be safe here- it’s not like I don’t have the money! I can get a two bedroom, I’d be able to support him just fine!”

“What about the emotional aspect? If you adopt this kid, he’s with you for the rest of his life. Not just until he turns eighteen. The rest of his life. Are you ready for that?” Valerie asked.

Thomas sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I dunno- I think I am! I just want him to be safe! Virgil is such a bright-“

“¡¿QUÈ DIJISTE?!”

All eyes were on Valerie then. Both her and Dahlia were on their feet now, and they both looked significantly paler than before.

“What did you say his name was?!” Dahlia shouted. Thomas’ eyes were wide as he glanced between the two of them, wondering what he’d possibly done to set them off.

“Uh- his name is Virgil?”

“What is his last name?!” Valerie shrieked, rushing over to grab both of Thomas’ shoulders. Dahlia was right behind her.

“I’m not sure- Mo... Morgan, I think?”

“Moore?!” Dahlia asked.

“Oh- yeah, that’s it.”

Valerie’s hands were off his shoulders and she was pacing across the room now, speaking to some deity, he was sure. His Spanish want very good, but he’d caught the word “Dios” multiple times and very clearly.

“Thomas- listen to me! You do everything in your power to get that kid in your custody! If you ever need help- Valerie and I will do it. You need to get him into your custody!”

“But Valerie just said-“

“I know what I said!” Valerie shrieked, turning towards him now. “I didn’t know it was Virgil!”

“What is going on here?” Terrence spoke up.

“Remember that kid that Valerie and I took care of for almost a year?”

“The firefighters kid?” Leo asked.

“Yes! That was Virgil! CPS took him away, we tried everything to get him back but they said they couldn’t release him to us. Two broke college kids with no blood relation? No one was going to approve that.” Valerie explained.

“Thomas- you could do it with your income in a heartbeat! You have to- Virgil was the brightest kid either of us had ever met! And his dad-“ Dahlia choked off, covering her mouth quickly. Valerie sighed, moving over to pull Dahlia into a hug.

“His dad was amazing. He used to watch out for us and we’d watch out for Virgil. When he died, we both decided we were going to support Virgil until we could figure something out long term. He didn’t have any family. We finally thought my parents were going to take him and then CPS came. Then they turned down my parents when they tried to adopt him. They said they were too old.” Valerie explained. “Thomas, you have to do this... you’re right, Virgil deserves it.”

Thomas looked down at them, then glanced over to his other friends who had all softened. They’d all been around when the girls had Virgil. They used to talk about him all the time, they’d brag about how intelligent and kind he was. Really, Thomas had heard the name so many times he was surprised he hadn’t made the connection. It wasn’t exactly a common one.

“If you think you’re ready,” Tayln spoke up, surprising all of them. They hadn’t said a word this entire time. “Then it’s a good idea. Thomas wants to help someone, guys. And we all know how he gets when he cares about someone. I support you.” They declared. Thomas glanced over the others once more before he nodded a little.

“Alright... alright, I’m gonna do it. I can do this.”

***

He most certainly could not do this.

He’d done everything. Despite childproofing his home (Virgil was sixteen now, okay? He wasn’t stupid enough to stick his fingers in a socket, GOD), moving to a two bedroom, giving proof of his annual income, and meeting constantly with a social worker, the nerves were continuously wracking at his brain.

His social worker was so kind, she kept insisting that he had absolutely nothing to worry about and that he would be approved for adoption in the next week. That was fine, except he had started this process seven months ago now and he just wanted Virgil in his custody already.

Virgil knew nothing about it. Thomas had been constantly buying him dinner and school supplies and anything he found out he needed, he’d been taking care of him but he hadn’t told him his plans. One, he was afraid Virgil would protest it, say it was too much for Thomas to do. Two, he didn’t want to get Virgil’s hopes up for nothing.

“Hey, Thomas?” The voice brought him out of his practical comatose state. He glanced up and saw Virgil popping his head into the back where Thomas was making the schedule. Or... trying to. He kept getting quite distracted. “Is it okay if I leave an hour early today? Kate already said she’d come in an hour early. I need to go to the library before it closes.”

“Oh- yeah, sure. Doing some studying?”

“No, I need to use the computers to take a test.”

“Why don’t you just do it at home?” Thomas asked curiously, glancing back down at the schedule. He figured it was too loud there. Virgil had mentioned that there were five different foster kids right now. He wouldn’t blame Virgil for that. Especially with those parents- Thomas planned to report them the second Virgil was in his custody.

“I don’t have a computer.”

Thomas frowned at that. That wasn’t right... “You’re in online school.” He said slowly.

“Yeah- I just do it at the library.” Virgil shrugged before he was heading right back to work.

And god, that wasn’t okay. How was that okay? What if all the computers were taken? Did Virgil just have to sit around and wait? And weren’t those only available for an hour a day? He needed much more time than that!

Yeah... he was not good with making well thought out rational decisions.

No, instead he got up, told Virgil he was going to lunch, and came back forty minutes later with Chipotle for both of them and a MacBook for Virgil.

Virgil didn’t take it calmly.

“Thomas?!” He shrieked, staring at the box like it was going to burn him. “Why did you do that?! You really- you’ve been doing so much for me- you really don’t have to!” Virgil babbled out. Thomas only smiled and shrugged, tapping his fingers against the box.

“You can pay me back by working at least four hours every single weekday on your classes. I want to see the best grades you can achieve and I want you to go to college. And this laptop goes everywhere with you, you don’t leave it at home. We don’t want anything happening to it. Can you do that for me?” He asked.

“Yes!” Virgil shrieked, rushing forward and throwing his arms around him.

Thomas already felt responsible for the anxious little ball of energy. He could do this.

[renaramblesaboutcomics]

Wednesday Roundup 18.10.2017

When it comes to a variety of genres... I honestly wasn’t very variable this week to be honest. Superheroes and Giant Robots, or otherwise known as two of the three ingredients alongside furry animals and a dash of Chemical X which are required to create a Rena of your very own. But in this contest of Heroes and Robots, the real question is who is going to come out on top? Or at least it should be because people love pitting things against each other and gamifying everything. Or so I’ve heard.  

DC’s Batwoman, DC’s DC Comics: Bombshells, DC’s Super Sons, DC’s Titans, DW’s Transformers: Lost Light, Lion Forge’s Voltron Legendary Defender Vol. 2

DC’s Batwoman (2017-present) #8 Marguerite Bennett, Fernando Blanco, John Rauch

I was already fully on board with this storyline for Batwoman last month when it was revealed that the Needle was the Scarecrow all along and Kate was in a fear toxin induced fever dream for most of the out there visuals and flashbacks, but that grounding came through in full force this issue as Kate proved herself to not only be a badass and to get herself out in the most seasonally appropriate and cool one-liner of comics this month, but also while never undermining the threat that the Scarecrow poses. 

One of my problems with how the Scarecrow has been underused is that not only is he almost always the underling to some greater plot and easily tossed to the side within the narrative -- I could even make a good argument that this is still the case in this storyline -- but the existential threat of having a psychiatrist who is more fascinated with abusing his knowledge and position of power over those he examines, and forcing confrontation of someone’s worst nightmares and fears, is just a fascinating subject that has hardly received its dues in decades now. 

And Marguerite Bennett, who has always been someone I trust with a focus on character first, understands that potential and shows that brilliantly over the course of these last two issues. Really, Kate’s character and history has been the focus of this entire run thus far, sometimes even to the detriment of the pacing considering that we take so long to -- for something like the tenth time in half as many years -- retell her origin story, which is something I was pretty critical of, but it is something I appreciate so much more now.

Bennett is truly making Kate her own, and all the backstory, all the set up, helped make the fears and anguish of the fear toxins feel that much more earned within the comic itself when we showed them. Yes, if you’ve been following Batwoman for the past decade which... well, I have -- you can infer a lot of these things without all that set up. Her relationship with her father being complicated, her mother’s death and sister’s kidnapping her original trauma, even the turbulent romance of her year abroad. She didn’t need these things, but having them all presented within the run and really allowing for an insulated story experience for new readers and old alike, frees Kate of so much of the baggage one might have otherwise expected from her at this point. 

And it works as it gets us to the gates of a true confrontation with Scarecrow himself. Kate Kane’s traumatic life before and as Batwoman has always been the source of her unyielding attitude and her drive forward. It defines her far differently than the other members of the Batfamily. So facing her fears and overcoming her trauma may have just unleashed a Batwoman that the Scarecrow is even less prepared for than he realizes.

The art in this issue, as the art for this entire series so far has been, is just excellent. It’s stylistic and weaves in and out of traditional paneling to complex, interwoven dreamscapes and I love that we can have that level of detail and understanding without sacrificing readability, which has been a critique I’ve had of Batwoman stories as far back as Elegy itself. 

Just overall this was a really inspiring read and it feels especially powerful during the Halloween season. So fantastic timing.  

DC’s DC Comics: Bombshells (2015-2017) Vol. 5The Death of Illusion Marguerite Bennett, Laura Braga, Mirka Andolfo, Elsa Charretier

I am not the huge fan of Bombshells that most of the people I know are, and as such I’ve not really gone out of my way to comment on the last few volumes, but it felt a bit incomplete this week to not mention Bombshells since it did come out this week and is taking us to the “new season” that is currently being published. 

There are too many artists to really get into on an individual level so I’m instead going to focus on the formatting, as the adaptation from a Digital First to a printed volume is something all the issues share regardless of artist or style. I just want it noted that while I do enjoy the retro pinup style for some characters, I don’t always like it for all characters, and it’s also a judgment call on how well it adapts from artist to artist. 

Strangely enough, it feels like the comics that are the least exploratory with being a part of the digital medium and instead are drawn like comic strip-sized panels that are then stacked for physical publication and volumized format are usually the ones that read the weirdest. That continues to prove true in this comic especially since, as overstuffed as this cast is, the limitations of being drawn like they only have half the page to start with, means we get lots and lots of pages where everyone in a scene are crammed in together -- which you can sort of see in the panels I chose to post above. And that inhibits something that Bennett, as a writer, is usually exceptional at. And that’s building female characters from and around their environment. 

Look at those last two panels and think of how much more impactful that sense of loneliness and being surrounded would feel for Ivy if there had been more space to allow that sense to come across. 

And that bleeds right into a general writing issue I’ve had with Bombshells since the start. I, on principle, love all the characters and I love the world and the world building. There is precious little that is not inherently appealing to me about this series. 

But I feel like I have so few central characters to focus on because of how bloated the cast is and how intertwined all the characters and events are, that I’m left almost annoyed at the fact that we can’t say who, in any one issue, is the central protagonist. And even if that’s a problem I’ve had a sense of from the start, it’s becoming more of a problem in this volume than any of the one before because they’re fitting so much in any one issue. We had the introductions of at least ten characters that I can remember who are obviously going to be prominent, the concept of this universe’s Suicide Squad, and the idea that Hugo Strange is working for all sides and countries at the same time while cloning Kara even though.... Russia had had her loyalty before and... I don’t know. It’s a lot. It’s a whole lot at once. 

And even though this is counter to my main argument, I’m getting really damn annoyed that every Batgirl and Batgirl adjacent character in the damn world has been featured now as a Batgirl or otherwise now except for Steph and Cass. Like. Why. What’s the point. 

DC’s Super Sons (2017-present) #9 Peter J. Tomasi, Jorge Jimenez, Carmine Di Giandomenico, Alejandro Sanchez, Ivan Plascencia

Super Sons wraps up yet another arc but this time around we have a bit of a juggling act being performed with the artist chair. This isn’t to say it gets completely distracting, but there are a few transitions that were not nearly as smooth as they could have been. I am more of a fan of books who switch artists at least attempting to maintain a theme, but as far as getting the job done story wise, Super Sons more than steps up to the plate. 

But of course that leaves the question of what I feel about the storyline and... I still enjoy it! I stand by my consistent criticisms that without Gleason, Tomasi tends to invest more in Jon being the Perfect Child foil to Damian rather than digging into his own insecurities and flaws, and that definitely applies here where he moralizes to save the day and also drops the very interesting thread of plot that actually had me hopeful that we would be seeing more angles to Jon’s naivety, what with the possibility of Damian finally revealing that it was Lois who asked Damian to befriend/train Jon all along, but does it work for having our two young heroes inspiring an entire future of heroes for a parallel dimension?

Sure! I would think so. It feels like Jon and Damian’s new friends and this parallel world are going to be the Legion of Superheroes to Jon’s Superboy which is honestly a pretty exciting idea and is neat to see in the context of modernizing an old idea with a whole new spin and within the current comic landscape. 

Or we’ll never see any of this again because comics do that sometimes. It’s hard to tell. 

Personally, I enjoyed the ending, even if it was mostly action and explosions, but it’s like I always tag here on the blog -- Every Story Needs an Explosion!

.... I also have a tag on this blog that is “Sun Bleached” for characters who are whitewashed and goddamn DC, you have got to get a memo out to all your colorists on rather or not you’re going to commit to Damian being dark skinned or not. And don’t think I don’t notice that he and Talia both shift between “white” and “brown” depending on the morality they’re showing at any one time. I’ve seen the panels of Batman #33. I see you. 

DC’s Titans (2016-present) #16 Dan Abnett, Brett Booth, Norm Rapmund, Andrew Dalhouse

I’ll be honest.... this wasn’t the best issue. And it’s not that it’s bad it was just that it felt entirely skippable. Young Wally shows up but we don’t at all get any time with him to have more than a surprised reaction -- there’s no time to see him mourn or get angry or anything. And the rest of the Titans don’t really have that time either. They’re just more angry than they had been in the last issue and... judging by solicits Wally’s going to be back so the emotional stakes and catharsis were pretty much all we had for this issue. 

Instead it was purely fighting and not really even fighting that came to a conclusive end. After all, we still have another issue to go and none of the possessed Titans were freed either. Instead it just leads to.... well an Evil Donna reveal which... I don’t know what that’s going to lead to because I’m still wondering what we’re going to be doing about Wally and Wally!

Overall I still like Titans but this is one issue that really gives me nothing to add or even to say that I haven’t mentioned in previous Roundups because, for me, this issue didn’t do a great job of adding anything writing or art wise. 

Just gotta wait for next month then.

IDW’s Transformers: Lost Light (2017-present) #10 James Roberts, Jack Lawrence, Joana Lafuente

In all honesty, the last couple of issues of Transformers: Lost Light have made me feel things that I haven’t since James Roberts’ “First Season” of MTMTE. It really, truly feels like he is back on his A-game and that we’re getting places where his original outline had us going before the whole Dark Cybertron stuff jumped into the fray. 

And if it wasn’t obvious from my Batwoman review, it’s because i really really love fridge horror and mind trips and just in general when stories shock me with where they’re willing to go with their characters. Because this is dark. Arguably this issue reveals itself to be darker than almost anything else that Roberts has shown us in his Transformers yet. 

Which, again, is saying something. 

And it’s darkness an passing a moral event horizon that is really necessary to get us on board with having Getaway and other mutineers as bigger villains than the likes of every other antagonist that the Lost Light crew has encountered so far. I mean, that’s a hell of a direction to take us and yet it’s managed because we’re now beyond just the hatred for what he did to Cyclonus and Tailgate, we’re down the moral sinkhole where his actions are not justified at all. Where you arguably could see the reasons for mutiny when they did so in the last arc of MTMTE. 

Now he’s just. Straight up a villain? Though that comes with some questions of its own because before he didn’t seem to be happy that the Black Block Consortia was going to destroy all of them. He jsut... wanted them to not be on the Lost Light? Or so I thought? He did call the DJD, but specifically he thought it was just for Megatron so idk. I literally don’t know but I’m fascinated to see things from Getaway’s perspective.

And speaking of perspectives, I already adored First Aid but he was so good in this issue, and this his discoveries and the further and the further and further down the hole things went from there felt like my stomach was dropping each time. To the point where I wanted to just scream “it’s a trap” multiple times. 

It’s just good stuff, I really enjoyed this issue and am on the edge of my seat for what’s coming up.

Lion Forge’s Voltron Legendary Defender Vol. 2 (2017-present) #2 Tim Hedrick, Mitch Iverson, Rubine, Beni Lobel

Okay. All my skepticism before, all my complaints, all my concerns that both art and characterizations were lacking in this story compared to the actual series? I take it back because... I had an absolute blast reading this issue. 

So along with our art change, we get something in this issue that we honestly haven’t even gotten from the series, and that is non-food related Hunk centric storylines with him being hailed as a hero to an entire species, having girl problems, and people literally fighting for the right to marry him. Even if those people are more like... sexy female Knuckles and Sonic. 

Anyway. This issue pretty much addresses everything I was worried that we were missing before. There’s a coherent plot with a clear need for the individual paladins as well as Voltron all together, there’s jokes but not so much at the expense of a character’s dignity, and Hunk... Hunk is treated better in this issue than he is for the majority of episodes for the last three seasons of the show and I’m genuinely kind of floored by this fact.

There’s a scene I absolutely loved where Hunk, baffled at his own situation, even goes to Lance and they have a whole page dedicated to their heart to heart. Lance ranges from jealous to sarcastic, to genuinely helpful and it’s the first time that any of the franchise has remembered they were friends and roommates first before anyone else. 

I was genuinely surprised with how much I enjoyed this issue and if I could give a reward for the single most improvement from one issue to the next it would go to Voltron this week.

Though I will say, c’mon artists, backgrounds are a pain but you have to treat them like your friends. You can’t rely on gradients 100% of the time.

So while there was some harsh criticisms I had this week, I think overall it showed to be a pretty good week for comics, and more than a couple of surprises came up to really make me sit back and reflect on things. But with little doubt, my pick of the week has to be Batwoman because that series and Marguerite Bennett just as a writer on her own have managed to really redefine a familiar character and make her story her lore, and her personality stand proud and alone from all the strings of continuity that has been supposedly holding her back for all these years. I absolutely love it and can’t wait for the next issue.  

And those are the comics for this week! Did you happen to agree with me? Disagree? Think I missed out on picking up a comic that was good? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

But before I let you go, I have to (yes have to) plug once more:

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