praywithoutceasing517

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“The ones who notice the storm in your eyes, the silence in your voice and the heaviness in your heart are the ones you need to let in.”

— Steve Maraboli

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Guard your affections

It is not easy to be patient—we want thrills now. It is not easy to “guard your affections.” It is not easy to deny your sexual appetite. It is not easy to keep from envying those who seem to be enjoying the thrills of sex outside of marriage. But God’s way is best. What young people call “going all the way” is cheap sex. Precious love is quite another thing. It is experienced when two people are totally committed to each other and have the security of marriage. 

The writer of these lessons, his wife and him have enjoyed 65 love-filled years together, and they are looking forward to more. God gave them six children, and they have had many happy days. They have also had tragedy—their oldest son was killed in an accident when he was seven years old. They were very much in love when they married, but their love has grown deeper and stronger through the years. His wife has that special beauty that a woman has when she is in love with a man and knows that she is loved and cherished by that man whom she loves.  Many times his wife and him have thanked God that they kept themselves for each other and did not play around with sex before marriage. They are still sweethearts—they still like to hold hands! It is fantastic being so in love with each other all these years. You say, “That’s beautiful!” Yes, it is. That’s the way God intended marriage to be. That is the way He wants your marriage to be!

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Sex is the wonderful gift of God

Sex is the gift of a loving God. It invigorates a marriage and adds zest to life. It is such an exhilarating experience that it enables a husband and wife to be truly one. The Bible says, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31).

This oneness is more than simply physical oneness. It is a union of two people—body, soul, and spirit. The very maximum enjoyment of sex is attained when both husband and wife are Christians and thus “one in the Lord.” When this is the case, they experience a oneness that is beyond anything else in this world.

God has put His blessing on sex within marriage. In His Word, God says, “Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” (Proverbs 5:18-19).

Looking at the chart below, it seems likely that your “dating time” will be short compared to your “married time.” It is definitely to your best interests to wait for the right person, the right time, and the right circumstances. This applies to the wonderful gift of sex. You can choose momentary pleasure and reap the bitter harvest of your wrongdoing, or you can wait for the right person and the right time and enjoy it to the fullest over the longest period of time.

Sex is not a game or a playtoy, but a gift from God to be enjoyed within the security and commitment of marriage.

To sum up what we are saying: Do not sacrifice the long-term benefits of sex for short-term thrills.

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God's Rules concerning Sex

To protect the wonderful gift of sex, God has given certain rules or commandments. Let us consider some of them.

Rule #1: Avoid fornication Fornication is voluntary sexual intercourse between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. This sin has disastrous consequences. The Bible says,

“Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.” “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:13,18).

Rule #2: Do not cause others to sin The Bible says that it is a sin for a man to lust after a woman in his heart. It is likewise a sin on the part of a woman to deliberately dress and act in a way so as to cause a man to lust. Some girls dress and act in such ways as to cause young men to lust after them. They say, “That is their problem,” but one day girls who do this will have to answer to God for causing others to sin.

Rule #3: Do not let others cause you to sin Jesus said, “Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.” (John 8:34). Some who have gone into sexual immorality take pleasure in dragging others down to their level. They talk about being “free” to do what they want to do, while all the time they are in bondage to their sins. The Bible says, “While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption: for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage.” (2 Peter 2:19).

Rule #4: Avoid abnormal sexual desire Any deviation from the normal man-woman sexual relationship is a misuse and abuse of the sexual nature which God implanted in us. In His Word, God says, “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.” (Leviticus 20:13). The Bible says that God destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because of their widespread practice of homosexuality. God’s Word says that this is a warning to all that live ungodly. (See 2 Peter 2:6.)

Rule #5: Do not tease Teasing is arousing sexual desires in another person which you cannot legitimately fulfill. We are not to “light the fires of passion” in another person. This is sin in God’s sight.

Rule #6: Keep yourself pure This means that you are to avoid all sexual immorality. There is no greater gift you can give to your future husband or wife when you marry than the gift of purity. This applies to the fellows as well as the girls.

Rule #7:Do Not give or take that which one day may rightfully belong to another. One thing that is so wrong about fornication is that those who engage in it are giving or taking that which one day may rightfully belong to someone else. The guy who gives up his purity is taking from his future wife that which rightfully belongs to her. The girl who gives up her purity is taking from her future husband that which rightfully belongs to him. Their partners are likewise guilty. God will judge those who do this. The Bible says, “That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.” (1 Thessalonians 4:6).

Rule #8: Avoid things which stir up lust The Bible warns against the dangers of stimulating the sex drive outside of marriage. The Bible says, “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22). The way to “flee youthful lusts” is to turn totally away from anything that leads to lust. Lust may look harmless, but it is a deadly enemy. Suppose a fellow has a date tonight. Before going out he reads a magazine which is designed to produce lust. He looks at pictures which stimulate his sexual desire. He listens to music which has both words and beat which produce lust. He picks up his girl to go to a movie. Guess what movie they attend—one full of lust, designed to stir up sexual passions. Is he “fleeing youthful lusts”? No, he is promoting them. After the movie they park in a secluded place. Both have already been aroused by what they have seen and heard. They engage in petting and before long they are having sex. Should they be surprised when this happens? No, they should not. It is the logical outcome of all that went before.The Bible says, “Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?” (Proverbs 6:27-28). Just as you cannot walk on fiery coals and not be burned, so you cannot continually seek and submit to sexual stimulation without sinning.

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A lesson in LUST:

A tragic example from the life of King David

The Lord Jesus had some strong words to say concerning the matter of lust. Jesus said,

“But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28).

David was a great man of God. He wrote many of the Psalms. He was the greatest king that the nation of Israel ever had. But David allowed lust to overcome him and he committed two of the worst sins that a person can commit—adultery and murder.

The Bible tells us exactly how this happened. One night David was walking on the roof of his palace and he saw below a beautiful woman bathing. Sometimes you cannot help the first look, but David looked again and again until the fires of passion were raging in his heart. He sent for Bathsheba and committed adultery with her.

Some time later, Bathsheba sent word to David informing him that she was pregnant. Since Bathsheba’s husband had been away on military duty for some time, David realized that his sin of adultery would soon be exposed.

In order to cover up his sin and enable him to marry Bathsheba, David arranged to have Bathsheba’s husband killed. Then he proceeded to marry Bathsheba. He seemed to have been successful in covering up his sins of adultery and murder, but the Bible says that “the thing David had done displeased the Lord.” (2 Samuel 11:27)

God sent the prophet Nathan to confront David with his sins of adultery and murder. David truly repented of his sins and confessed them to God.

David said, “Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.” (Psalm 51:1-2).

David was truly broken hearted over his sins. God forgave David and restored him to fellowship with Himself. But David still had to reap the consequences of his sins. The Bible says,

“Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7).

Because of David’s sins, God sent word to him through the prophet Nathan that “the sword” would never depart from his house. This meant that David would have much sorrow and tragedy in his family. This came to pass, just as God had said.

The son born to Bathsheba died. Amnon, one of David’s sons, raped his half-sister, Tamar. Another son murdered Amnon. Another of David’s sons, Absalom, led a rebellion against his father and was killed in battle. These were some of the terrible consequences of David’s sin.

From this account of David’s great sin, we can learn two important lessons:

Although we may be forgiven of our sins, we must reap the consequences of our actions.

Some sins have terrible, lifetime consequences.

You may say, “That won’t happen to me.” But it can! David was a spiritual giant, but even he was not strong enough to overcome his lust once he had allowed his passions to be stimulated. Neither will you be able to overcome your lust if you allow your passions to be aroused.

No one can seek and submit to sexual stimulation continually and not sin. The Bible says, “For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.” (Galatians 6:8).

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Sex is never an emergency

In understanding the sex drive, young people should know that they can deny the sex drive without suffering any harmful effects whatsoever. The sex drive is different from the hunger drive in that you cannot survive very long without eating, but you can deny the sex drive indefinitely without any ill effects. Without a doubt, sex is important, but sex is never an emergency. Many people go through their entire lives without sexual intercourse and still have full, happy lives.

Sometimes a fellow will become so aroused by caressing and other forms of stimulation that he will tell his girl, “We’ve gone this far; you’ve just got to let me!” This sounds as though some terrible thing will happen to him if she does not give in, but this is not true. If he does not have sexual intercourse, he will not suffer any ill effects whatsoever. But it is certainly not wise to let things go that far.

A special word to the guys: A young man has strong sexual desires as he grows into manhood. His body is producing sperm by the hundreds of thousands. These sperm are stored in his body. If he is unmarried and living a life of purity, there will be times when his “storehouse” is overfilled. God has so designed the human body that, when this happens, the surplus is discharged during sleep. This is known as a nocturnal emission or a “wet dream.” This is perfectly normal for a young man and nothing to be ashamed of. It should be, in fact, a matter of thanksgiving to the Lord for the relief it gives.

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Men are stimulated visually

All our senses play a part in sexual stimulation but there is a difference in the way guys and girls react. Girls are stimulated primarily by touch, but guys are stimulated by what they see as well as by touch.

A girl in a tight sweater or a revealing blouse can excite a guy sexually. Some girls know this. They know just how to dress, how to walk, how to sit, and to move so as to stimulate guys. This is wrong because it causes the guys to think sinful thoughts.

A girl may try to excuse herself by saying, “If they didn’t have evil minds, they wouldn’t think those thoughts.” The Bible says it is a sin to cause someone else to sin.

Looking at lustful pictures, reading pornographic magazines, listening to music with a beat and words designed to produce lust, and going to a movie filled with lustful scenes—all of these are things which “build the fires” of sexual lust and passion. The Bible warns against doing this. God’s Word says, “But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.” (Romans 13:14).

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The Sex Drive as God planned it

God created all living creatures with the ability to reproduce themselves. Animals have a powerful sex drive which brings the male and female together for sex. However, in the case of animals, the sex drive is seasonal. The female will accept the male only during the time when she is in heat. The rest of the time she has no interest in sex. Apparently, in the case of animals, God intended the sex drive to be only for the purpose of reproduction.

With human beings it is different. God gave us the sex drive both as a means of reproduction and as the means by which a husband and wife can express to the fullest their love for each other.

Actually there are several ways God could have made us. He could have made us with only a seasonal sex drive such as the animals have, but this would have given only limited enjoyment of sex. He could have made us with a constant sex drive, but this would have made life unbearable.

God had something better for us than either of these ways. He made us with a potential sex desire which can be activated by stimulation.

This means that a husband and wife can live together without being controlled by their sexual appetites. But they can, at the proper time, stimulate each other’s sexual desires.

Within marriage, the powerful sexual desires which are aroused when a husband and wife stimulate each other can be satisfied legitimately in sexual intercourse. That is the way God intended it to be.

But these same powerful desires and passions can be aroused outside of marriage. In this case, however, there is no legitimate outlet for these aroused desires. To stop short of sexual intercourse leads to frustration, and to go on leads to fornication—one of the most damaging sins that young people can possibly be involved in. This is why the Bible warns against stimulating the powerful sex desires outside of marriage.

We can compare the sex drive to a steam boiler. When a fire is built under a steam boiler, the water inside is converted into steam. This steam is under tremendous pressure, but a proper outlet is provided. It is used to drive a turbine which produces electricity. However, if a fire is built under the boiler and there is no safe outlet for the steam, the boiler will explode.

Sex is the wonderful gift of God, but do not “build the fires of sexual passion” unless you have a proper outlet for the tremendous physical and emotional pressures that are built up. The only safe and proper outlet which the Bible recognizes is marriage. Outside of marriage, it is wrong to arouse and stimulate sexual desires.

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As a young person grows into adulthood, he or she becomes aware of a powerful new force in the body. This powerful new force is the sex drive.

The appetite for sex is something God created within us. It is not dirty or evil. The sex drive was God’s idea—not ours. He created those hormones within us that make the opposite sex appealing to us. Sex as God intended it to be is beautiful. Everything that God creates is good.

Think of a person driving a car. The driver reaches a place in the road where he must choose to either turn left or right. To his left he sees a large sign that says, “One Way, Do Not Enter.” The driver makes his decision and turns left, in direct opposition to what the sign told him to do. He is now going the wrong way down the street, breaking the law and risking injury to himself and others.

This is similar to the choices we must make regarding our sex drive. The sex drive is not sinful, but God tells us that we must control this desire. He has stated many times in the Bible that we are to keep ourselves pure and to save our body for the person we will some day marry.

Like the driver of the car going the wrong way down the street, disobeying what God has told us to do is sin and causes injury to ourselves and others. We sin when we choose to satisfy the sex drive in a wrong way.

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Secondary Virginity

“I’ve blown it! I didn’t realize how important it was to keep myself for the one I marry. Can I get my virginity back?”

No, you cannot. Your virginity is something that you can give to only one person and you can give it only one time. You cannot get back your outward, physical virginity, but you can get back your inner virginity—your purity. It is called “Secondary Virginity.”

What is Secondary Virginity? It is choosing to say no to any further sex until marriage and living out that decision. You become what you choose. If you make this choice and live it out, you will become a different person.

Some people say that, once you have been involved in sex, you will keep on doing it. So they say, “The best thing to do is to carry a condom with you at all times, because you cannot or will not say no.”

That is not true! You can change! Just because you made a mistake does not mean that you have to keep making that same mistake. If you drank too much at a party one night, does that mean that you have to get drunk at every party you go to for the rest of your life? Of course not!

Because you made a mistake in getting involved with sex does not mean that you have to keep on making that mistake. You can choose Secondary Virginity. Thousands of teens make this choice—every day!

Why do teens choose Secondary Virginity? For a number of reasons. Here are some:

I finally realized that what I was doing was wrong.

I got tired of being used.

Frankly, I was scared of AIDS and the other sexually transmitted diseases.

I learned a bitter lesson.

I did not want to take the chance of damaging my reproductive organs.

What I got out of it was not worth what it cost me.

One of the wonderful things about taking Jesus as your Savior is that God makes you a new person. It’s like He hits the DELETE button and wipes out your past. You become a new person in Christ. You are as clean and pure in God’s sight as Christ Himself.

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

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Christ will forgive you!

Jesus wants to forgive you and make you clean in God’s sight. He shed His precious blood on the cross that you might be forgiven of your sins. His blood can cleanse you from all your sins. The Bible says, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7).       You do not need to be afraid to come to Jesus. He forgave the woman taken in the act of adultery. He is “the Friend of sinners,” and He invites you to come to Him. Jesus said, “All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.” (John 6:37).       Your part is to come to Him; His part is to take you in. He will not only forgive you for your sins, but He can deliver you from any sin that may be binding you. Jesus said, “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.” (John 8:36).       If this is what you truly want, get alone with the Lord Jesus. Tell Him about your sins. Tell Him everything. He will not reject you. Thank Him for dying on the cross for your sins. Ask Him to make you clean through His precious blood which was shed for you.       Get a Bible or a New Testament and begin reading the Gospel of John. As you read it, underline the words “believe” and “believes.” Note especially the following verses: John 3:16-18, John 1:10-12, John 3:35-36, John 5:24, John 8:36, and John 20:31.

Put your name in this verse: “For God so loved _________ that He gave His only begotten Son, that _________ believing in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” Read this verse over and over with your name in it. Believe it! Ask the Lord Jesus to come into your heart and give you a new life.

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CHRIST’S EXAMPLE OF FORGIVENESS

On one occasion, some religious leaders brought to Jesus a woman who was guilty of adultery. They threw this woman at the feet of Jesus and said, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses, in the law, commanded that she should be put to death by throwing stones at her. But what do you say?”      This men did not care about this woman. They were simply using her as a means of getting Jesus into trouble. If Jesus said, “Do not stone her,” He would going against the law of Moses. If He said, “Put her to death,” He would be in trouble with the Roman government.      Jesus did not answer them right away. He kneeled down and began writing in the sand. When these men continued to press Jesus for a decision, He stood up and said, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw the first stone.” Those who heard Him were convicted by their consciences and left, one by one. Jesus forgave this woman of her sins and said to her, “Go and sin no more.” (John 8:1-11)

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GOD WANTS US TO HAVE THE BEST

Many young people do not understand why God tells us not to engage in sex before marriage. Some even think that God does not want us to enjoy sex, but this is not true at all. The truth is that God gave commandments concerning sex, not to keep us from enjoying it, but in order that we might enjoy sex to the fullest and over the longest period of time.      To illustrate what we mean, let us think about trains. Some of the fastest trains in the world are in Japan. These trains regularly run at 120 miles per hour and at times they hit 155 miles per hour. How can these trains attain such speed? The reason is that they run on tracks that are superbly designed and skillfully built. The tracks enable these trains to run and their maximum speed.      Suppose one of these trains would say, “I’m tired running on these old tracks. They are too restricted. I want to be free to go where I want to go and do what I want to do.” So this train jumps the tracks and heads out across a rice paddy.       This train is truly free now, no longer bound by those tracks. Yes, it is free all right, but it is not running at 120 miles an hour. In fact, it is not running at all. Instead, it is lying there in the mud. And that is where it will remain until a power greater than it picks it up, cleans it up, and put it back on the tracks.      That is the way it is with sex. God has laid down “tracks”, not to keep you enjoying sex, but that you might enjoy sex to the fullest and over the longest period of time in marriage. Satan offers you the thrill of “jumping the tracks,” but you end up in the mud. If it is God’s plan for you to be married, He has just the right person in mind for you. When you walk down the aisle on your wedding day to seal your vows before a Holy God, you will be glad that you kept yourself pure.      Someone reading this may be saying, “I have already jumped the tracks. Is there any hope for me?” Yes, there is hope for you! Jesus Christ can pick you up out of the mud of your sins and failures, clean you up, and put you back on the tracks.

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SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS WRONG

We have considered ten practical reasons why you should avoid sex before marriage. But there is one reason that is more important than all these ten reasons: It is WRONG!      It is wrong because God says it is sin. Nothing can change that. Sin is that which is contrary to God’s will. God has said that all sex outside of marriage is sin. Sex between two unmarried people is called “fornication.” It is one of the most damaging sins. The Bible says, “ Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18).       God says that all forms of normal or perverted sex outside of marriage are sin. People says, “Times have changed,” but God has not changed, nor has He changed His mind about these things. the Bible says, “ Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge“ (Hebrews 13:4).      “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

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Reason 5: Is Risky      Engaging in sex before marriage can expose you to sexually transmitted diseases. The “easy” girl, who is by no means a prostitute, can be the source of any one of several such diseases. Likewise, fellows can be “carries.” Sexually transmitted diseases can cause serious infections, blindness, and even death. They can be transmitted to your children with the same devastating effects. There is no known cure for some of these diseases.       A girl who had sexual relations with only one boyfriend thought she was safe. She was terribly shocked when her doctor told her she was infected. A “disease tracer” revealed that the guy had sex with only one other girl. but this girl had sex with 5 other men, who in turn had been with 19 women, some of them prostitutes. The girl who thought her relationship had been limited to one person had contact, through him, with at least 92 persons.

Reason 4: Can Shatter a Girl’s Life      Young people who experiment with sex outside of marriage should ask themselves: “What will we do if this results in pregnancy?” They might better ask, “What will we do when this results in pregnancy?” One who visited a home for unwed  mothers said, “You can never forget that look of despair on the faces of the girls who do not know what their future holds, girls who don’t know if they will ever know real love or have a happy home.”      It is not just the “easy girls” that get pregnant, but “good girls” as well. Abortion is NOT an easy solution to the problem of an unwanted pregnancy. Killing your unborn baby can leave you with terrible feelings of guilt which can haunt you the rest of your life. the following letter tells a familiar story:

“When I found out I was pregnant, I was 18 yrs old and 2 months away from college. My boyfriend was a back-slidden Christian like me, and we chose abortion because we didn’t want to face our family and friends. We took the easy way out. After my abortion I faced mental heartaches, shed many tears, and regretted the whole decision. to this day I still get on my knees and cry asking the Lord for His lovingkindness because I was so wrong! I struggle a lot wondering if God will give me a second chance. He is such a loving God and I believe with all my heart that He is God, and yet I always carry a conscience full of guilt.”

Reason 3: Can Result in Some BIG Problems      Sometimes a guy will say, “If you get pregnant, we can get married.” Marriage is a serious business. It means taking on a job you may not be prepared for. Marriage is not all moonlight, romance, and roses. It’s daylight, diapers, and dishes. Consider this letter:

“I am 17 and already my life is messed up. J and I went steady for 6 months and we began to do things we had no right to do. I became pregnant. We both quit school and got married. I hate my life and what I have done to J. The baby cries all the time and gets on J’s nerves. He drinks too much and I can’t blame him. We live in a dump and there is no money for sitters or movies or decent clothes. J never says anything, but I know he must hate me. I’m afraid he hates the baby, too. There are times when I think this is all a bad dream and I’ll wake up at home in my own bed, and get dressed and go to school with the kids I liked so much. But I know too well that those days are over for me and I am stuck. I’m not writing for advice, I’m just writing in the hope you will print this letter for the benefit of other teens who think they know it all, like I did.” Wrecked at 17.

Reason 2: Can Fool You Into Marrying the Wrong Person      If you become involved with someone sexually before marriage, you may think that you have found real love when all you have is the thrill and excitement of sexual attraction. You go ahead and get married and then you discover that you married the wrong person. You found out too late that it was not real love but only sex that was the attraction.

Reason 1: Can Wreck Your Marriage      Some people think that if they just get married, everything will be fine. But this is not so. A happy and successful marriage is not easy to come by under the best of circumstances, but when you start out wrong, it is very difficult to achieve.

     Sex before marriage greatly reduces your chances of a successful marriage. One reason is that those who play around with sex before marriage tend to do the same thing after marriage. They are never satisfied, always looking for a new thrill. Sometimes couples engage in sex before marriage, then get married and seemingly get along well. But they have sown seeds of doubt and distrust which will bear bitter fruit later on.

     A couple who had been married for 20 yrs was counseling with Dr. H, trying to keep their marriage from falling apart. The husband said, “My wife doesn’t trust me.” The wife shot back, “You don’t trust me either.” Why had they never trusted each other? Because they had sex before they were married. It resulted in 20 yrs of suspicion and distrust and finally wrecked their marriage. 

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10 REASONS Why You Should Not Engage in Sex Before Marriage

Reason 10: Can Ruin Your chances of Knowing Real Love      A girl makes a tragic mistake when she tries to gain love or hold on to it by giving sex. Real love may lead to engagement, marriage, and sex, but sex does not lead to real love. Instead, it often destroy your chances of knowing real love.      a 17 year old girl had kept herself pure all through high school and the 1st yr of college. she was going steady with a guy whom she liked very much. On the night before he left for summer vacation, she gave it to him. She thought, “Why shouldn’t I? He loves me, and I love him.”      What happened? during the summer, she heard little from her “lover.” When he returned that fall, she discovered that she had been deceived into giving something very precious to a guy who had no real love for her. He said, “Our last night together was a nightmare...I would never marry you after that.”

Reason 9: Can Keep You From Ever Knowing God’s Best      One of the wrong ideas concerning sex is that it is just a physical thrill to be enjoyed with whomever you choose. This makes sex cheap and meaningless, and it disregards certain facts about how we are made.      Sex is just a physical act. I sex usual intercourse, you and the other person become one. It is such an intimate experience that a part of you remains forever with the other person. When you do get married, you will find that you can never give your mate 100% of yourself. Why? Because you have given part of yourself away to others. To take this lightly is not only foolish but it is plain ignorance of how God made us.

Reason 8: Will Hurt Your Self-Esteem      The Bible says that a young person should learn to possess his body with honor and not follow the ways of those who are immoral. (1 Thessalonians 4) A young person’s purity is his or her priceless possession. Unfortunately many do not realize this until it is too late.

     Sometimes a girl is love-hungry, and she mistakes a fellow’s sex, desire for the love she is looking for. She gives in to him. All too often, the guy does not really love her or respect her as a person. He wants sex and she is available, so he uses her to get what he wants. After awhile, he gets tired of her. she is like bargain-table goods, “Slightly soiled. Greatly reduced in price.” She has nowhere to go in her search for love but to another guy who is looking for sex. she becomes cheap in her own eyes and in the eye of others.

Reason 7: Can Leave You With Life-Long Consequences      God has given you a conscience and you have to live with it. A 42-year-old woman wrote, “When I was a young. I fell into sins that have marred life. My secret sins were committed in my teenage years. I have cried and cried in remorse, asking God to take the awful guilt out of my life.”      you may get a few moments of “thrilling pleasure” out of sex before marriage, but it is worth this price?

Reason 6: Can Be a BIG Disappointment      Do young people find sex as exciting and heavenly as they thought it would be? The answer is NO! A study of premarital sex relations was made in a large clinic for unwed mothers. The question was asked of the unwed mothers, “Did you find the sex experience pleasurable, disappointing, or unpleasant?” 50% said it was “disappointing” 30% described it as “unpleasant or revolting,” and only 20% said it was “pleasurable.”      Under the right circumstances, sex can be exciting and thrilling experience, as God intended it to be. But outside of marriage it is disappointing. A 16 year old pregnant girl expressed it like this: “Everything you see in movies and TV about love is a bunch of lies. It isn’t tender. It isn’t sweet and enduring. It is cruel and it hurts. People jump in bed with each other and everything is so romantic. The next morning everyone is so happy. It isn’t that way at all. It hurts terribly when you are not used to it. Moreover, you feel awful the next day when your boyfriend won’t even look at you.”

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WAIT UNTIL MARRIAGE

People desperately need to be loved by someone who is important to them. This is especially true to young people. Just knowing that a person of the opposite sex finds you attractive, generates a warm, wonderful feeling.      when a guy and a girl are attracted to each other and begin spending time together, the excitement builds. They discover how pleasurable it is to touch and caress each other. This stirs their passions. Before long they are drawn toward sexual intercourse, and they begin to think, “If we really love each other, what’s wrong with having sex?”      There are many reasons why you should not engage in sex before marriage. They add up to one thing: What you gain by sex before marriage is not worth what you lose by it. What do you gain? A brief thrill. Perhaps some momentary pleasure. But what you lose by having sex before marriage can affect your entire life. Let us look at just a few of the reasons you should wait until marriage.

WEIGH THE CONSEQUENCES

A brief thrill some momentary pleasure is a SHORT-TERM PLEASURE

Not knowing real love, not knowing God’s best, hurt self-esteem, life-long guilt, disappointing, risky, a shattered life, big problems, marrying the wrong person, and a ruined marriage is a LONG-TERM SORROW