#i understand this is rambling and pitiful but thats how i feel

[bisexualadamparrish]

thanksgiving is tomorrow and i usually handle desserts but with my mom in the hospital the last few weeks things have just been crazy and I didn't want to commit to making that many desserts, so i was considering buying them and my siblings convinced me to go wait in line outside this AMAZING local pie shop we have so i spent 45 minutes in line this morning and dropped 80 US DOLLARS on TWO pies. which is crazy but its a small business and they're like the cream of the crop.

and i was like this is great this is wonderful!! We never splurge like that at ALL, but fuck it!!! mom will get a day pass from the rehab center and we'll have these amazing pies to celebrate and it'll be worth it!!!

So imagine my soul crushing horror and despair upon walking into my house just now to BOTH PIES splayed across the carpet in my living room crime scene style w my dog covered in crumbs and radiating like toxic levels of guilt.

She just ate 80 US DOLLARS worth of fucking pies and also my last shred of resolve for this month. Im like over it im over it im over it im

[calic0o]

Rambling about Ghost Roach n Soap again gET YOUR ASSES HERE !!?!!!!

(Both Ghost and Roach gets out alive from the betrayal!)

Cw// Uhh Mentions of burns! burning alive ! scars! and a tad of emotional hurt . i think. a tiny tad . (im lying! )

Roach and Ghost sleeps together. It’s not out of love or lust, no. Not at start at least.

There are, things others don’t understand. Ghost loves Soap, with all he has. But he just doesn’t understand it.

He doesn’t understand how Simon felt when they were betrayed by Shepherd, he doesn’t understand how it felt to be burned alive.

He tries, he really does. But Simon doesn’t want his pity. He sees the way Johnny’s eyes glaze on the burnt parts of his body in the showers, changing rooms, when they are fucking. It ticks him off. Makes him feel like a fool.

He knows it’s not the case, he knows Soap feels a deep regret for not understanding the betrayal sooner, not being able to save them from it. But oh how it ticks him off.

Roach, on the other hand, understands it. He was there with him.

They burned together.

Roach doesn’t look at him with that, weird eyes when he sees him naked, he doesn’t feel afraid of touching the burnt flesh on his body.

Maybe it’s because he had it worse with burns, but it’s still good. It feels good to feel his grip on the burnt and healed parts on his body, not afraid of touching, afraid of hurting him.

He understands, when they cry in the middle of it, he understands.

They understand each other.

The doom feeling, the overwhelming emotions and shared trauma is what bonds them together.

They burned together.

Thats what links them together, what makes them knock on each others doors in the middle of the night.

[simplygyuu]

Teddy Bear - 11 : i wont ever forget, okay?

*⁀➷synopsis ! : on your birthday one of your best friends, soobin, gifts you an adorable teddy bear. you keep it all day once he gave it to you, carrying the adorable thing around for your entire birthday day and going to sleep with it that night. the next morning you wake up with.. a man in the place of your precious bear?! he doesn't have a name and he looks at you like you hung all the stars and.. did he just say he WAS the bear?

wc (0.6k)

From the second you got home, you noticed something was off about Beomgyu. He wasnt being anywhere near as energetic as he used to be and he was doing a lot of zoning out. He would stare at the wall with a pouty, almost frowning, look before picking up his phone and typing furiously.

Honestly you didnt know what to think. You assumed it was just him still upset about his game even though it had been hours since then. You dont know why he would still even be upset with it.

You were gonna just leave it alone and let the boy sleep it off until you heard soft sniffles coming from Beomgyus direction. Almost immediately, your head snapped up at the sound to see the most pitiful sight youd ever laid eyes on.

There Beomgyu was sitting on the small, single chair while crying. He tried to wipe at his eyes, looking honestly confused and just upset. He didnt seem to understand what was going on, he might not even know what tears were. Yet there he was, crying in your living room.

“Beom?! Whats wrong? What are you crying?” You were quick to jump up and approach him once the initial shock wore off. He looked up at you, still hiccuping as he cried before shaking his head.

“I d-dont know..” Beomgyus words trailed off into another sob, making your eyes widen. You were never the best at comfort like this, it really wasnt your forte. But you couldnt just do nothing!

“Shh shh, It's okay Beomie.. I'm here okay? C'mere give me a hug.” You lowered your tone into that of a soft whisper, hoping it would ease him more. The hybrid was quick to take up your offer, practically diving into your waiting arms.

You just rubbed his back gently, whispering any comforting words you could think of as you let him cry onto your shoulder. What could have made him so upset? From all that you know he hasnt been doing much that could get him this upset.

“..Beomie? Are you feeling better?” You finally whispered gently a few minutes later once Beomgyus sobs lowered into soft sniffles. He had yet to look up from where he was cuddled up against you, just nodding softly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You added along, bringing up a hand to run your fingers through his hair. He melted into the touch, making the corners of your lips quirk up into a small smile.

“You..you texted me and said you didnt remember how we met and I got.. sad. Even though you said it was Yunjin I worried and-and then I thought what if you really did forget even though i'd never forget cause thats the more important day of my life but youve lived such a long, human life and-”

“Oh, Beomie..” You gently cut off his long, panicked ramble. You didnt want him to work himself up again. Carefully, as if you were touching glass, you cupped his cheeks and brought his face up so that he could make eye contact with you.

“I wont ever forget, okay? Never. You're important to me and that day changed my life forever in a good way. Im sorry that my friend upset you this badly. Ill talk to her, okay? But I promise you i'll never, ever forget the day we met.” You rubbed his cheek with your thumb as you spoke, making sure to maintain eye contact to hopefully get across the point of how serious you were.

“..Okay. Thank you, yn.” Beomgyu finally replied after a few seconds before smiling a small smile and leaning forward to hug you again.

--------------------------------------------------------------

previous ! masterlist ! next !

notes ! : sad beomie..

taglist ! : @lynnfv @openingssequence @wonioml @lunaavity @sunarintoes @bluebearybeom @invusblog @forever-in-the-sky2 @woncheecks @captivq @i8lhee @tatanbin @rynryn2 @qluvrv @wccycc @f4iryho0n @fancy-whitedwarf @totallynotbella @n0-thisispatrick @aeulia @zaeeeee @jungwon-kitten @sserafimez @lynanist @mazeinthemoon

[1rabong]

hellow!!! what first got you into borosai? whats ur favourite thing abt the ship, and any headcanons thats rotating in ur brain rn?

Thank you for the ask so much you have no idea how much i wanna ramble abt these two

Well, there’s one specific scene for the first question.

THIS SHOT

Look at his cute lil face he’s so happy

I saw this and was like, wait. This alien’s kinda.. hot. And he was making these adorable faces all cuz he was fighting Saitama. Then he dies, after making Saitama use the serious punch for the first time in the story.

They were really something. So naturally i started shipping them. And I naturally went to ao3 to look up borosai and despaired cuz there was only like 40 fics for them at the time. But still, I read them all(and they were all great), and started drawing art for them. Back then, I had no idea that I’d be fixating on them for so long, longer than anything i had a fixation for😂

My favorite thing about this ship is that they’re so different. Almost everything about them is so comically different. Just look at these two.

Just them standing next to each other is visual comedy at its finest.

They have different moralities, personalities, styles, amounts of hair, etc.

Which makes their similarities all the more interesting. They’re both bored to death, because they’re too strong. They both crave that stimulation of being in a fight with their lives at stake. They both feel lonely, because no one understands what it’s like to have this kind of strength. This loneliness is shown more in depth with Saitama, but I think it’s the same with Boros too. When we’re first shown Boros, he’s all stoic and cold with his subordinates, his expression barely changing. But when he meets Saitama, it morphs into excitement. Then as the fight goes on, it turns into an almost childish glee, making him ramble on about his strength, his home planet, until Saitama snaps at him to stfu😂 But who can blame him? After so many years of solitude he finally meets someone who’s on the same page as him.

With their fight, Boros gets what he wanted. The fight he was craving so much. A fight telling him that there’s still something that can surprise him in this Universe. That he wasn’t alone. Which is why even as he was shocked that he had lost, he doesn’t feel angry or bitter about it. Rather, it almost seems like he feels pity for Saitama. Because surely there’s no chance for him to meet someone who is as strong as him. So he calls out Saitama’s name, as his last words, and dies.

All the above is more or less canon, but if we were to veer a bit off course into an au where Boros lived, there’s so much potential for an interesting relationship between them. Imagine the possibilities. He could be like a stronger version of Sonic, challenging Saitama week after week, always getting his ass kicked but coming back for more, a little stronger than last time. And hey, since this is a Borosai au, they could very well fall in love😆

This turned out to be longer than I expected and not exactly on topic but look, I can’t help myself.

The current hc that’s rotating in my brain rn is that they’re madly in love, and is married. And have a child😂

Okay i know this sounds absolutely bonkers but I’ve been hardcore shipping them for too long and them being in a relationship is like a default setting for me when I think about them, so giving them a kid to take care of on top of all that just came naturally. Imagine the utter chaos it would ensue. It’d be peak comedy.

This lil guy. His name is Daan. I love him so much.

Anyways that’s all the questions answered, thank you again for the ask🥳

[nanithethottie]

001

It's been a long day. But that long day stemmed from many long days before it. That were apart of long weeks. And long years. And just a very long fucking time.

I don't know where I'm going to go with this, but I hope it gets me somewhere. I figured that if I don't know where I'm at and definitely have no clue the place I'm headed, the least I can do is try and make sense of where I know I was. Or at least what I can remember of it.

I think it's time to unpack it. You know, I'm trying to figure out a lot if shit. So. Much. Shit. I've had this idea to write about it for a while. It seems like the only thing I ever really knew how to do.

So basically I was told I was a good writer growing up. I felt that too. Like, I felt like I was a good writer just like they told me I was. My mom always begged me to do it. But I didn't want to. There were times I felt closer to it, even taking a chance at it. I did some poetry shit. It was kinda helpful. Fell out of it just as quick as I fell in. The most I've done in recent time was journal. I've journaled throughout my life, even though I tell myself I don't like to. But I don't know, I don't know what I like to do. I think thats why I'm here. I'm trying to figure it out. Maybe this will help. I like typing because sometimes I'm too lazy for a pen and paper. And something about having a secret tumblr blog feels so cunty. Enough rambling!!!! Damn!!!

Hey hey hey hey heyyyyyyy I am [redacted] and this is going to be a great story. As I stated, I don't know what the fuck I'm here for but atleast I have a story to tell. And when I say I don't know why I'm here, I know I don't feel that hopeless. Like hopeless in the way that I'm living for nothing. I really feel like I'm living for something. I just don't know what that something is but I really do want to find it.

Y'all, I'm gonna keep it so real and say why I'm typing this. Here's how my day went. I was sad as fuck going through a heartbreak that is gonna change my fucking life. Like I'm sitting here writing this like DAMN this shit hurt. Every time I think about it I feel this deep pit in my chest. Its deeeeeepppp. I'm trying to be real throughout the pain and keep it lighthearted to stop myself from feeling it but let me stop doing that. IM HURTING. Im in so much pain right now. This is the kind of pain that eats at you. That weighs on you. That makes your heart feel like it'll stop at any second. That gut-wrenching, soul-shattering feeling. But you'll hear why along the way. That's gonna be a huge part of the story that will probably be mentioned in each segment. It's a really important part. I made this account so I can feel safe somewhere.

I feel like God is with me, I just don't know how to reach God. I think I do. But I feel connected but lost at the same time. I can't really explain that feeling. Part of me wants to stop rushing the feeling of getting better. That's why I'm writing this I guess. Just trying to break things down and understand them better for myself.

Reality is starting to catch up to me. My life is starting to change in so many major ways. I know this to be inevitable, and I also know that I have a decision to make. I heard a pastor once say "you can be pitiful, or powerful". Anxiety be tearing up my fucking life. And I have a long of unfounded stress that makes me feel like shit is all over. It always lived with me. I'm trying to work through it. And stop believing that shit is pointless. Because at the same time I feel like I'm meant for so much out of this life. But now I'm 21. I'm getting ready to graduate. and so much shit is hitting the fan.

The least I can do is write about it.

[simcardiac-arrested]

BARNHAM THATS THE FUCKER! thank you. i didnt know he had a first name. i hope this was a fun exercise for you or something. as uhh reward or something idk. i dont quite really have something i can just go grab to give you. so heres a free space to ramble about a character from those games you like.

fuck yes free pass to autism. anyway i like both trucy and maya so i think i will talk about their parallels. they are both young girls at the start of their respective games and they go through So Fucking Much it’s incredible. but they still stay strong despite it all. maya loses her older sister at the ripe age of 17 and now has to live up to all these expectations of being a perfect spirit medium and perfect adult and now she has to be the head of the fey clan and master her technique. But she sucks balls at it all. obviously. she only has nick and pearl in her corner but that doesn’t even really help because all the time she feels like she’s failing them, like she’s not enough. she always tries to handle things on her own even if it’s to her own detriment. she defines her worth by her powers and her usefulness, and when she’s in court she feels like a waste when she’s next to nick. because he knows so much. he knows what he’s doing, he clearly doesn’t need her there. but the thing is that half the cases—hell, most of the cases in the whole ace attorney series would not have been able to be solved without maya. and yes, of course her powers are useful in solving cases, but that is not what i mean. i mean without maya. without her determination, because when nick gives up she Doesn’t. without her quick thinking, because when nick falters she Acts. without her strength, because maya is seriously So Fucking Strong. when her sister dies and she gets accused of murdering her, it’s devastating, but she doesn’t lose herself and she tries to help nick solve the case as much as possible. when her aunt betrays her and she is accused of murder again she is strong enough to stay collected despite everything. when she gets kidnapped it is quite possibly the worst few days of her life, and yet she never stops fighting, both for herself and for her family. and she always stays positive, always the light of everyone’s life—when she’s gone nick’s world practically crumbles. she is his anchor, and he couldn’t have gotten anywhere without her. On the other hand we have trucy, who technically becomes an orphan when she’s like, what, 8? 9? and that’s when nick takes her in, but that’s also when nick loses his damn job. and even though i’m sure nick has taken good care of her and loved her like no one else, i can’t imagine how it was like growing up for her. or no—i can, at least a little. because trucy is cagey. self dependent. strong. basically a full fledged adult at the age of only 15/16. she had to stay strong for her dad, obviously. couldn’t make him worry about anything. couldn’t make anyone worry about anything. when we see her in the game she is silly, whimsical, seemingly without a care in the world, seemingly not understanding the gravity of any given situation. but she understands it better than most. she knows how to be serious, how to be strong, she just does it in her own subtle ways. and she is definitely not stupid. she is one of the smartest characters in the games, even if we don’t take into account her ability to detect lies. she’s great at reading people and judging situations. she’s good at navigating life in general, all on her own. of course she still appreciates her dad, she still loves him, but the life of a daughter with a jobless single father who isolated himself from everyone for 7 years has not done her a lot of favors. just like maya, she is also the light of nick’s life, his second anchor, his most important person. and just like maya, trucy never allows herself to be weak, to be open, to be not enough. never allows herself to make others worry about her or, god forbid, pity her. just like maya, she is everyone’s support, everyone’s comic relief, everyone’s reliable adult in all but actual age. So anyway if capcom had let me work on ace attorney 4: apollo justice all these years ago i would’ve actually made trucy and maya interact on screen

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

NO SO REAL ive been writing on docs ...

barty is so def a monsterfucker. like he would look at an eldritch monster and be like 10/10 smash.

also ?? voldemort was hot in the first war??

yes barty being like voldemort>bcsr because at least voldemort brings results!! bcsr makes time for other people but not for his own so ?? asshole!!

also help the point about voldemort being the only person who makes time for bcjr?? gut-wrenching. so valid. yes in barty's eyes voldemort is the best person ever because he cares for bcjr + i feel like he humanizes voldemort a LOT like in his eyes ofc voldemort is the dark lord and the bullshit but ultimately a really powerful man. a man. just like himself. <3

grr him introducing himself as voldemort's bitch is a drug. bellatrix is his most devout follower, sure, but voldemort scratches his scalp and calls barty his bitch and now whenever a new death eater joins barty boasts about. leaning into dog barty here idk it feels right.

YES like he founds out what voldy said at the graveyard and that makes bcjr go crazy because wdym the thing voldemort told him he only ever told to harry potter, the boy who lived?? he's that important?? hes litr ready to peel his fingernails off for this man

also the "he could convince bcj to walk around with his shoes tied together and he’d do it" just makes me think voldemort def fucked around w bcjr. like he would have him do lowk humiliating stuff (maybe straight up humiliating stuff!) like we know from canon voldemort takes pleasure in being a pain in the ass sawr yk funsies.

also like the idea of bcsr doing humiliating bcjr. like in a diff way (this is a random ramble) like just bringing up his faults and all the embarrassing shit he did as a child and bcjr is seethinggg but its okay when voldemort does it bc voldemort is Hot

(also yes regulus is soo delusional help every time i remember how voldemort never saw or knew what he did i die laughing. hes such a loser <33)

help yes weirdo loser creepy oversensitive bcjr is soo fine like i just know he cries when like the most normal things happen. "barty why are you crying" "my shirt got wet 😿😿" "it's fucking raining. everything is wet."

ughhh james and sirius hurt sm because james wants to understand what sirius is feeling so bad and sirius would rather rip his dick off with a can opened than let him feel any of what he's feeling yk.

yes james doesnt understand what sirius sees in bcsr and he also doesnt understand why sirius doesnt come home with him!! his parents adore sirius, but sirius seems to hide further and further into the shadows whenever they see him lately and he just. he doesnt get it.

sirius would take any attack on bcsr so seriously, and more than that he'd take it as an attack of himself!! does james think sirius can't be trusted, cant make his own decisions? that he needs james to hold his leash hand and lead him everywhere because sirius is some lost dog without a kennel?? sirius has lived a hard life, even when he's barely a teenager he recognizes it. he can deal with his life himself, he's almost toxically independent and having james in his life is so new and good, but it's also new and bad because he can feel himself needing james when he isnt really supposed to be needing anyone!! and he cant simply go to james, either, one because ego, and two because, horrifically, he's starting to need bcsr too. he needs to hear he's good and he's making someone proud and that bcsr wishes he was his son instead of bcjr. the potters say it, sure, but they give out love like candy - with bcsr? you have to earn it. if he disappoints, he gets hit, if he doesnt he gets head a reward, he feels validated but only because he has to work for it - because the idea of just being loved isnt one sirius has, it comes off as pity to him.

idk thats a weirdly shaped paragraph and grammatically incorrect but haha suffer

anyway yes when sirius comes to bcsr's open arms after fighting with james and bcsr insults james sirius does feel hurt - because insulting james means insulting him (like how it was w jfp and bcsr's roles reversed) but where then it was sirius' pride and ego being hurt, now it's his insecurities being attacked, his petulance, his brashness. (not his sharp words, bcsr values a cruel canine).

yes yes yes sirius is a kid who does not understand why they think bcsr is bad, he punishes bad, rewards good, isnt that how its supposed to be? fleamont and euphemia keep repeating whatever james said and it makes sirius feel like they think he's stupid, or slow, because he hears what theyre saying he just doesn't deem it important.

ughh bcsr being butthurt about boyfriend not coming to him is like 1) funny 2) so sad ?? (for sirius, ofc, fuck bcsr <3). sirius feels sm guilt because bcsr doesnt like his sonn and hed be so alone and mrs crouch doesnt get him like he does (this line triggers alarm bells in f&e's mind) . but like it ending very abruptly is very important to me. theres no closure or scream-y fight its just owls and then no more owls !!

ughh youre making my heart hurt for bcjr rn i can imagine like 11-12yo bcjr being happy dads home early but nope turns out he didnt go at all (litr unprecedented) and instead took sirius to whatever exhibit or museum or whatever kids like idk he wanted?? bonus point if bcjrs been wanting to go forever and bcsr said he was too busy to take him??

like, pre this awakening, maybe bcjr got along w sirius but after it bcjr developes resentmenttt (the crush comes later) and every time sirius is over or he sees him in school he wants to rip him to shreds.

oo which makes me think, do you think this would affect deathstar's relationship in school? it's probable that they never talk at all but like where's the fun in that yk.

yes ugh sirius doesnt know how big this is, he thinks it's just a "aw :( too bad, anyway-" whereas for all three of the crouches its like !! massive !!

i love the idea of sirius being the very nonchalant one in a family full of Very Chalant People. its very clear he's not one of them yk.

AHH yes bcsr bashing barty's head into a table is like delicious ive been thinking of it 24/7. mrs crouch is screaming and barty is half sobbing half having a villain victory speech monologue bcsr is angry and just hitting and hitting and sirius is like Oh Wow this makes my family seem normal.

yes sirius would be scared because its a lot more bloody than even what goes on in his own house (unless u hc smth else?) and bcsr is disappointed in a rare moment of sirius' apparent 'softness' but he brushes it off as him simply being surprised. even when sirius requests to go home, he excuses it with mrs crouch's insistence that he does (n then mr&mrs crouch fight !! yum !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

yes ahh bcsr being like dont heal bcjrs injuries and mrs crouch doing it anyway because thats her baby !! also bcjr is def the loser who called his dad 'daddy' and mum 'mama' too long idc 💔💔. also random hc i have is that whenever walburga hurt sirius she wouldnt heal it because she liked seeing him bruise and sirius' ptsd just gets triggered from that

ughh sirius being stalked is like. my favr thing. ever. at home regulus does it, here barty does?? he tries to talk to barty but barty just stands and stares at him so sirius is like Okay Man and does whatever. yes yes yes barty imitating sirius !!! it's painfully obvious, too !!! i cant decide whether bcsr would be pleased or not. probably not. he never is.

barty jacking off to the idea of being sirius is like. actual gold. like his face stuffed in sirius' unwashed clothes and his hand on his dick, rutting into it and crying out sirius' name ?? or maybe he pretends he is sirius and says 'dad' instead?? YUM !!!!!!!!

omg yes bcjr drugging and raping sirius is so like fitting. i think the wizarding equivalent would be a love potion? him asking winky (omg forgot about her) to slip it in his food, winky getting punished for it.

also !!!!!!!! the idea of bcsr telling winky to call sirius 'master' and follow his orders is so YUM especially if you hc that after the love potion incident he forbids winky from taking any orders from bcjr !!

yes yes yes lowk flashbacks to harry witnessing swm and thinking it was heinous and unforgivable... unless it was someone horrible (like draco) bc yum harry/sirius parallels random yes ! sirius being like "well he did xyz and he doesnt even try to get better!" (because he doesnt really understand bcjr's mental illness, either) as justification for his abuse because bcsr is good and that ! is ! final !

eek sirius begging lily to litr fix him because he thinks he's broken post depressive episode is so sad but yum love them sm

bcjr's episodes r like breaking actually like i can imagine mrs crouch being so so desperate and bcsr just stunning bcjr because thats the only thing that shuts him up and sirius is like Um because should he tell bcsr that he could ask lily, again, for help? get him muggle medicine? but that would mean he himself had done the same, that sirius was the same as bcjr and that cannot happen so ... guilt !

eek yes i can imagine sirius being like "where's your son?" and bcjr being like "he went to stay with a friend" when he's actually tied up in his room for a few days while mrs crouch is visiting her mother, with only winky for company. it's like horrific and i love it 1000 times more of this please.

ughh yes sirius trying to be good and trying to take the fall for bcjr and bcjr just bodily attacking him ... bcsr would be so so so so SO angry and sirius is just ?? scared ?? as to why he was attacked by what seemed to remind him of a wild dog ??

(i LOVE crackships but like jegulus is uninteresting and boring and tropey and BORING!!! blackcest can be fucked up which reminds me: thoughts??)

UGH sirius using bcjr and exploiting bcjr's crush on him to sleep with him and moan out 'barty' is veryy hot also that is NAWT a moanable name but whatevs . barty & sirius both just creaming at the thought of the Ultimate Groomer is so icky and sad and real and true like theyre rutting their dicks together like dogs in heat and riding each other and eating each other out screaming 'daddy' is so adlasfka

UGHH yes that is. so sad. sirius thinking he's finally found someone to trust, someone who's the perfect parental figure for him only to be proven wrong? him defending bcsr despite knowing bcsr palms his dick whenever sirius bends over and eek yes the thought of sirius being so scared to lose his virginity to someone who he's been jokingly calling dad for almost eight years he just runs and runs and runs till he goes back to where he knows he's safe even if he's an intruder.

but also. the idea of sirius letting bcsr touch him because he's so afraid of losing him and handjobs turn to blowjobs which turn to full on sex and sirius is nauseous afterwards and he's throwing up and barty is watching and he is jealous because why is sirius getting everything when he doesnt want it, when he's hear and he's so good for his dad?

also yes so real if barty could produce a a patronus it would be a worm. actually ??? i think he would bc like it never says healthy memory, it's just a happy one, so regulus and barty discussing it after class and regulus being like "what did you think of? i thought of my brother getting crucioed," and barty being like "omg!! :3 i thought of your brother crucioing me!!" . i can def see bartylus fucking and barty killing the mood by moaning out sirius' name icl

yes yes yes sirius hero worships bcsr. he has ever since he was a child, bcsr is cool and relaxed and always praises him and it doesnt change when they get older, only this time when bcsr calls him a good boy sirius is climbing his lap with his tongue out and fucking himself over bcsr's cocklet .

also what the FUCK he spoke THAT MANY LANGUAGES... no wonder barty was smart eek. i like the idea of him telling sirius and sirius speaks seven (and is content) is just wondering if he can name that many... and then The Lessons start.

i also like the thought of bcsr gifting sirius the fisrt motorcycle magazines in his collection and yummm <333

do you mean barty crouch sr by bcsr??? because omg plz tell me what you think about sirius’s relationship w him, i find the crouches so interesting, i would love to hear about that

YESS i LOVE you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont actually know how much of what i imagine for them can be fit into canon/is canon but like sglkfd.

so barty jr and sirius probably met during their childhood i think, bcjr was intelligent and well mannered and a respectable kid in sirius' age range, and ofc there's the hc that he was close friends w regulus, too. i hc he was pretty distant w bcjr himself but i just knoww sirius 'daddy issues' black needed everyone's parents' approval. orion was a negligent asshole sawr i think its a pretty valid course of action yk

and ofc bcsr loved him !! he was intelligent, he was quick, he was charming, well mannered, all the shit he wishes his bastard of a son was. and barty sr is a bit manipulative too yk he would definitely try to steal sirius away from his family and friends because he knows what sirius needs.

and like !! bcsr. he knows his son is death eater, he does use sirius as a replacement. he doesnt hide it, either, which he thinks justifies using a very obviously traumatized young boy to forget about the guilt in his heart about abusing, traumatizing and neglecting his own son. that being said, he gives sirius the watered down version of abuse his parents do - which sirius has grown comfortable enough with. that being said, the main reason sirius ran away isnt there: he's not a supporter of voldemort. he's actively fighting against him. (also hehe i hc walburga as bipolar so sirius is just happy he doesnt have a timebomb in the house 24/7) (or at least the timebomb doesnt explode around him !!). bcsr still mentions who sirius should associate himself with, still is disappointed when he doesnt get a good grade (an E instead of an O), he yells at sirius, maybe he raises a hand at him too - but at the end of the day sirius finds him justified because he's the one who took sirius under his wing, and is helping him, and is nice to him, and this is really what parents do to their children, right?

here is also when the post comes in btw: bcsr feels entitled to sirius' life, his idea of a parent/child relationship is ownership, and unfortunately that's sirius' view of it too, but bcsr is a lot calmer and quieter than walburga, he cares more than orion - to sirius its really the best of both worlds. bcsr wants sirius to go in politics which sirius does not want because he already has whatever career he's chosen for himself, and bcsr feels it necessary that sirius follow his - his own son wont.

bcsr does need sirius, he confides in him, he loves him (in his own fucked up way). sirius moves on, he runs away and gets farther and farther away from everything that reminds him of Before and feels resentment that bcsr (a man who he's considered his strongest father figure for years) doesn't even reach out to him once. bcsr feels that its a child's responsibility to reach out every time - he feels betrayed that sirius didn't runaway to him, that he didnt even know sirius had runaway till someone told him in passing. the letters they exchanged come to an abrupt end and it just feels like everything ended in the middle of it yk. barty crouch sr doesnt see sirius till sirius is arrested, soon after his own bio son is x

(also, yes sirius does still have the potters, but the potters are a completely different world to him. he's not used to that kind of completely unconditional love, he's not used to seeing how they shower their heir son in love. its a little bittersweet, it feels like a fantasy, sirius feels like he's intruding, he fills resentment to james for being raised with parents who love him and ofc he doesnt want that so he finds solace elsewhere. he thinks the potters are angels on earth, his relationship with bcsr is what the normal parent/child relationship. if walburga and orion are a 10 on the scale of what sirius considers to be 'bad parents', euphemia and fleamont are in the negative. bcsr falls somewhere in the middle, like a 2 or 3 to sirius. to bcjr, sirius can recognize, that bcsr is horrible. he yells, may hit, he's permanently disappointed when they do interact. they barely ever do - bcsr is always busy, he makes special time for sirius (which makes sirius giddy bc wowzers am i that important?) which cuts out even more time from bcsr and bcjr to interact. also, bcsr calls sirius son and he doesnt call bcjr son. sirius is lowk a homewrecker i love him.).

[inthemousehouse]

[burnin0akleaves]

Will Treaty for the character ask

Oh you KNOW thats what I was dying to ramble about. And I mean it, this post ended up being VERY long ahdbfjbdjd sorry not sorry.

First impression: I read the series in middle grade first so I don't remember what my exact first impression was? But I'm pretty sure I found him relatable in Ruins of Gorlan, and then I thought he got cooler with every new book. I was a kid that didn't go outside a lot so reading about him travelling to different countries and having an important role to play in each new mission was extremely impressive to me. Funnily enough, I don't think he became my favourite character until I got to TRR, Horace took that role at first.

Impression now: Oh I think all of you know.

Favorite moment: I'm not sure if I have a singular favourite moment, so I'll go through a few really quickly.

In book 2 while the Skandians are leaving on the ship, Will actually gets a chance to escape. There is a brief moment where no eyes are on him and he acknowledges that if he jumped right now, he could probably swim back to shore easily. But then he remembers Cassandra, and decides to stay. Thats honestly such a huge fucking sacrifice to make, and he was a child at the time too! No one would blame him if he took the opportunity to escape, but Will would just never do that. When it's a choice between the people he loves most and his own well-being, he always chooses others first. No matter how scared he might be.

Speaking of fear, another scene I love is when Will is getting taunted by Ruhl. Like, the book acknowledges that Will is actually feeling scared shitless that Ruhl will burn him alive, and that he has to actively hold himself back from reacting when the man pretends to drop the torch. He even ends up letting out a sigh of relief when he finally backs off. But throughout the whole thing, he manages to keep all of it inside and doesn't emote anything. That takes so much self-control.

Also quick shoutout to how sassy he is when Ruhl's men overpower him. "Glad to hear it, pity I missed you."???? Slay.

And one last scene I gush over a lot is in Escape From Falaise; where Will decides that if the worst happens and they run out of time, he will make sure Maddie escapes and then face the wrath of the Baron alone. Again, selfless sacrifice. What a man.

Idea for a story: I'll be honest, I want to watch Will and Gilan fight. This has been trapped in some little part of my mind ever since the scene where Halt and Gilan confront Will at the start of book twelve, WHICH I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT FYI.

Maybe its a complicated situation where there is no right answer and Gilan has to be cold and collected because of his status as Commander while Will is passionate and wants to act as soon as possible. Both of them have understandable reasons for their side and its a situation where there is just no right answer, but Will is too passionate to let it go while Gilan is too responsible to bite more than he can chew at the time. So they fight. Really badly.

It ends up getting personal and at some point Will just drops his oakleaf and walks away. No one hears from him again for a really long time, including Maddie who had finished her training a few months ago. Gilan can't tell exactly what happened to anyone because the situation is something that needs to be kept secret, so everyone is in the dark about Will for a very long time.

A few years later Gilan has to go on a mission himself since the situation is dire and they need the best ranger they have. Halt is too old and Will is gone, so that leaves him. An unknown power is rising in a nearby country and threatening the king. This person's motives are unknown but according to this foreign king's word, they are extremely dangerous and need to be stopped immediately.

When Gilan arrives to take care of it, suprise suprise, its Will. Said king is a terrible person thats about to threaten all the neighbouring countries, so Will is hellbent on taking him down. Turns out in the years he was gone, Will had gained a lot of respect and power along with new friends. Gilan and Will fight, again.

In the middle of their fight they get ambushed and they have to fight side by side after so long. They handle it and end up having an emotional conversation where they hug each other and make up. Gilan learns more about the situation and realizes that while maaaybe willing to go a bit too far for it, Will is in the right. He also gets to know Will's new friends better and ends up liking them.

At this point Gilan has been gone for too long and the rest of the gang come to find him. They find him and they find Will. After everyone gets to have a reunion where the truth finally comes out, they work together and resolve the situation. I'm not sure whether Will goes back with them, refuses to go back to Araluen after he has made a life for himself in this new place, or abandons all things related to war and buys a remote cabin in the woods to live a peaceful life after that. But its one of those three. Also he has a second unnofficial apprentice and she and Maddie start dating after they have their own enemies to lovers arc.

Unpopular opinion: Sigh. The beard looks good on him and if you boil Will down to being Halt's son you're doing a disservice to his character, let it go, let him grow up.

Favorite relationship: I already wrote waaaay more than I should have so I'm going to ignore all family relationships and go straight for Alyss/Will/Horace/Evanlyn. "Godfather" my ass, you mean Maddie's parents call you babygirl.

Favorite headcanon: Eventually, Will goes out like his father Daniel. Surrounded by way too many enemies, putting an amazing last stand to save someone. I know this sounds angsty or whatever but honestly, I think a legendary man deserves to have a legendary death too. Him dying in bed peacefully of old age after everything he had to go through comes as a close second.

[violetnotez]

Hiya!! So I dunno if you are accepting requests at the moment or not (lmao I'm pretty new at tumblr) but I saw your piece with Baku, Izuku and Shoto and reader in the 1v1...ok, so just asking, can we get one Kirishima and Denki, too? Pwetty pwease🥺🥺🥺(I mean, if it's fine with you) That, and you're a great writer!!! So lotsa hugs🤗🤗🤗

P.s, sorry for rambling😅

Hey babe! Omg yes of course I loved doing those headcannons, why not add these babies too! 💕 sorry for replying to this so late, but I hope you enjoy!

You fit Them At the 1v1 | BNHA

Kaminari x reader, Kirishima x reader (seperated)

Warnings: you WILL lose in all of these- it would make sense in the canon story line to me 💀😂 ALSO not edited cause I have no energy lmao + cursing | HC

read the original here

Masterlist | Kofi | Request a Fic | Commission Info

K I R I S H I M A

When baby boy saw your name flash against his in the big screen over the arena, his heart dropped

We all know Kiri prides himself heavily on being manly and drinking his respect women juice, so the fact he has to fight a girl is WRECKING him

And the fact it’s YOU, one of his closest friends and his ultimate crush,,,,

AGH the heart ache 😭💔

His friends really aren’t helping him-

Kaminari is just sighing, only saying “Sucks to be you man!”

Him and Sero are probably betting if Kirishima is gonna actually go easy on you 💀

Mina is trying to comfort him in between threats of hurting him if he so much lands a scratch on one of her besties

Bakugo is only one who really understands him at this point-he notices how down his friend looks at the news, and it almost makes him pity the red haired hero

But obviously he’s not gonna show that (emotions are for dumbasses💀💀💀)

So Bakugo grabs his friend’s shoulder, Kirishima turning at the sudden touch

“Your worries about her, arent ya?”

“Yeah...” Kiri sighs, hands gripping into fists. “I couldn’t forgive myself if I hurt her-“

“But you have to. And you are,” Bakugo states firmly, “Thats the whole point of this event dumbass. And if you sit there and mope about hurting her, that’s an insult to her. You’re basically saying she’s not strong to handle herself-“

“But she is!” Kirishima interjects quickly, eyes wide, “She is so strong! Way stronger than I could ever be...”

“Than worry less about her and more about yourself idiot! This is about you-not about some crush you got. You wanna be a hero? Than act like one and fucking fight.”

Damn Bakugo lay it on thick 💀

Even though the words are harsh, they hit close to home for Kirishima and he snaps out of his mopey state, a small, hesitant grin forming on his face.

Once the fight starts, Kirishima does exactly as his friend told him-and he fought with all he got

Once he finally pushed you past the white line, the crowd cheered, and he felt so much pride in himself-

Until he saw you hunched over, looking quite defeated

Guilt bubbled in his insides for basking in his victory while you lost, running over, apologized on the tip of his tongue-

Until he saw you look up, a small smile on your face

You looked slightly upset, but the smile was covering it up, a small chuckle on your lips as he came over

“Why you look so worried Kiri!” You grinned, shaking off the dust from your uniform. “I’m fine-that Special move of yours really did me in though, that was amazing!”

Kirishima felt completely shocked-you were taking this so well, so friendly and nonchalant...he couldn’t help but feel admiration for it

“Well, it wasn’t easy, you did an amazing job as well!” He said truthfully, chuckling as he scratched the back of his neck

“We both did amazing,” you corrected, offering your hand as a peace offering.

Kirishima gladly took it, loving how small your hand felt against his as you shook it firmly.

“If I had to loose to anyone...” you stated calmly, looking at him square in the eye,

“I’m glad it was you.”

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:

Kirishima’s mind was going a mile a minute as he shuffled around students, “Excuse me!”’s and “Sorry!’s spilling out of his lips and he looked around, trying to find your familiar hairstyle in the crowd.

He finally spotted you in the stands, looking over a fight with Deku and Iida, your expression completely absorbed by the fight.

Kirishima’s heart instantly began to race in his chest, hands feeling clammy at his side.

But his best friend’s voice began to echo in his mind, that harsh voice saying “just fucking do it, shitty hair” somehow helping him walk over to you, his hand reaching out to touch your shoulder before he could force himself to stop.

You instantly turned at the source of the touch, your eyes softening and a warm smile growing on your face as you saw it was him.

“Hey Kiri!” You greeted warmly, “So-we’re matched against each other! How cool is that!”

You genuinely looked excited and optimistic- it was contagious, and Kirishima couldn’t help but smile.

“Well-I-yeah, of-of course it’s cool!” He stumbles over his words slightly, but instantly perked up in order to cover up his his hesitance.

But you caught on quickly, cocking your brow mischievously.

“Aw, don’t tell me your getting nervous-“

“Never! C’mon, you know me, I’m always pumped for a fight!” He shouted brightly, hoping he sounded confident enough.

You simply giggled, shaking your head slightly.

“Of course I know that Kiri...” he sighed out his name, making his heart swoon.

“Give me all you got, okay?”

Kirishima looked at you, feeling his heart beat violently against his chest as you gave him a sweet smile, your hand bent in a act of comradery.

He grinned to his left, cheeks blazing red as he took his larger hand in yours. giving it a squeeze.

“Of course.”

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:

K A M I N A R I

Ohhhh does he feel totally screwed right now 💀

Like-why does the world just always wanna cock block him?

His CRUSH

Like yeah sure, he looks at a lot of girls, but your yitties are the only ones he truly wants 🥺

Lmao so poetic Kaminari 💀

He just feels like shit

Sero isn’t helping when he pats him on the back and goes “Tough luck man”

He literally goes “WTF dude I thought you were my wing man” 😑

Anyways he’s just FLIPPING out internally

Until he gets in the arena-and realizes he’s got another problem

Cause holy shit seeing you fight is SUCH a turn on 💀

So instead of worrying about hurting you he’s more worried about you hurting him

Having you so close to him at points when he’s not paying attention-

Like yeah sure you just grabbed his wrist and slammed him into the ground-

But damn were your hands always that soft?!

Until you almost punch him near the white line does he realize how much he’s goofing off-

So he pulls out a special move that completely overrides your own quirk, making him able to win at the last moment

Baby boy feels so bad he comes running to your side and helping you up

After the fight, he proceeds to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness

He’s literally so dramatic 💀🤧

At some point you just say you forgive him just to get him to stop begging

It’s still endearing tho 🥺

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:

“Man, you’re gonna get destroyed by her!” Sero laughed, clearly unaware of how mopey his friend looked.

“Why’s that?” Kamianri sighed, his yellow eyes looking the shade of dark honey. “And why can’t you be supportive!”

“Cause dude, you can barely act normal around her-let alone fight!”

Sero chuckled, stuffing his hand in his pockets.

“Seriously, you kinda act brain dead around girls-and with her...it’s game over.”

“Ahhh, thanks for lifting my spirits dude-“ Kaminari whined, a pout on his lips as he mumbled, “And I don’t act brain dead-“

Just then, the two boys spotted a group of three girls coming there way- Mina, Ochaco, and you.

Sero grinned a smirk that could be only described as evil as he waved over the girls and shouted out a cheery “Hey!”

All three of them waved back, Mina shouting out “Hey boys!”, your shoes walking near the boys to talk.

“Oh hey Kaminari!” You smiled at the blonde, “Didn’t even see you there!”

“Are you excited for our fight!” You were incredibly happy, not phased by the fact he looked so nervous around you. “I know I am-hopefully we don’t beat each other up too much,”

You were laughing, grabbing his wrist lightly in a friendly gesture but Kaminari was dying inside- cause holy fuck you were talking to him?! AND TOUCHING HIM-

He was either gonna scream or puke-and on the outside he looked exactly like it.

But thankfully you didn’t even notice, waving a goodbye at the boys as the three of you walked away, Sero turning with the biggest shit eating grin.

“So you don’t act brain dead, huh?”

“shut up-“

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:

© Violetnote 2020

None of these characters or shows are my own, only the storylines and narratives I create are mine. Copying, stealing, plagiarizing, rewording, or using my storylines in other media, claiming to be your own, or reposting without my consent is not allowed.

[swtki]

You And Him

Part 2

Pairing: George Weasley x Fem! reader , Fem! reader x Cedric Diggory

Summary: Cedric can’t help but feel envious when you aren’t his.

WARNINGS: ANGST, THIS IS SAD, MENTIONS OF SEX

A/N: Okay so maybe I’m feeling shitty because of my personal life but thats neither here nor there, this is written in Cedrics POV. Also in this AU Cedric and George and Y/N are all in 7th year.

We were fourth years when we first met, I saw you sitting at the table near mine in the great hall and I never wanted to take my eyes off of you. I never wanted to see you without a smile painted on your already gorgeous face, a smile that I was cause for. You were eating and conjuring up a conversation with the other girls, it wasn’t long until one of the girls noticed and giggles errupted, causing us to lock eyes. Thats when I knew, I never wanted to take my eyes off of yours.

After I mustered up all the courage my fourteen year old self could, I introduced myself in one of our classes. People knew me as punctual, well said and put together, but when I talked to you I couldn’t stop rambling. You laughed at me, but I knew it wasn’t a pity laugh or anything laced with venom. Your laugh was warm, and sweet, I could tell you were laughing because you thought it was charming. You would later confirm this on a drunken evening.

“Cedric,” you said, “Do you remember when we first met? All you could muster was fragments!”. Your cheeks were pink, the fire whiskey’s proof of making its way to your bloodstream.

I thought things between us were strictly platonic, it was an unspoken agreement that we kept our hands in our laps. We were just friends. All friends loved each other for years on end right?

Just when I decided to accept that, we hooked up. We hooked up in my room and I’ll never regret it, I just wish I hadn’t fallen in love with you more. It happened another time, four months later. The sight of you wrapped in my sheets was beyond heartwarming.

You seemed to not have any feelings towards it nor any against. You would smooth your skirt down, and say goodbye to me like we had just joked around. But if I were to have you in any way other than platonic, I figured this would be our first step.

But thats when you got paired with him, you got paired with the boy every girl was infatuated with for his humor alone. I walked us out of class, thats when I should have seen things were in path to change:

“George is quite sweet actually, he’s more than just jokes. He complimented my intelect today, what boy in our year compliments on anything other than bust?”

I should have dropped everything to proffess my love to you right then. Drop to my knees, tell you how I value your intelect as much as your pure beauty. But, I didn’t. So we went on walking as our usual selves.

I had to listen to you fall in love with George Weasley, during study sessions and late night drinkings. I slapped a smile on my face as I listened;

“I don’t know, George is just so...so perfect. He asked me to study with him on Friday, alone in the library!”

I pretended to be happy for you. But inside I was nothing if not crushed. I wondered if maybe this was a first date that would lead to nothing, secretley I hoped it was. But, it wasn’t - and as the months dragged on, you were head over heels. I developed sores on the inside of my cheeks from biting them, I never wanted to make you unhappy, even if that meant hurting myself.

Still, I hoped things would be casual with you and him. But, every time I saw the shaggy ginger and your beautifully lit up face, that hope deminished. Then, he gave you a necklace for your birthday. A locket really, but you wore it every single day.

“Ced, look-“ you opened the locket to reveal a picture of you and him “Isn’t it just magnificent?”.

I agreed, and declaired how thoughtful and romantic George was. Even though the thing representing those charactaristics were sitting around the neck where my love bites used to mark.

I decided that if I could not be happy for you, I would be happy for myself. I asked Cho Chang out, we talked all evening until curfew came. She wasn’t you, but she was great all the same. She looked at me the way I always wanted you to look at me.

I know now, that you truly understand. When I walked into class hand in hand with her, I saw your jaw clench. And it told me all I needed to know.

Tag list: @annasdani @mullthingsoverinthehotwater @faeinorbit @anchoeritic @cedricsyellowscarf @cedwardcullen

[zwampy]

sometimes i think about in depth blogging about my feelings and life and i dont know what worth it would have but . hoo.

im so tired of being eternally broke, but i always will be. like the only way i get about to anything cool is by the grace and pity of others. i see other people in nice new clothes, TRAVELLING... TRAVELLING... taking photos on their brand new phones, with friends, and its VERY HARD not to feel bitter and down. or like, i see people making jokes i made, but nobody heard, and it’s nobody’s fault i have a small social circle and outreach, but seeing 100s of people go haha about something you said already a long time before you’re like... oh my god Lord throw me a bone now maybe

anyway i do count my blessings i really do i TREASURE the little good things that happen to me, TREASURE, but also it’s exhausting constantly keeping back the “you know, it could be a lot better than this” thoughts

i think i need to severely limit seeing accounts from people who have rich families or just got lucky or whatever. like im always thinking about how we’re all struggling, even if you “got lucky” it’s like... why would you stop talking about the horrific inequalities or sharing charities or talking about our garbage cities its ???

like i saw a news article in the related of something else i was reading, and it was like “[influencer/youtuber idk] explains why they moved to LA” and im like... uh... because theyre rich now? why would they move to a people hostile dogshit traffic choked city? because its LA and thats where influencers go now that theyre rich? why doesnt every single other person make a pained face seeing that. dont you cringe? why arent you cringing?

everything loops back to city building and walkable cities for me apparently. this is a ramble. im just keeping myself from getting too down :^( its hard. i know you understand. no point falling into the pit though, but i do feel this absurd need to clarify myself to strangers online like “BTW... I DONT HAVE A LOT OF MONEY... I TREASURE EVERY GOOD THING THAT COMES MY WAY... IF WE ALL HAD MORE MONEY WE WOULD CERTAINLY BE HAPPIER... ALL THESE POSTS I MAKE I’M SELF AWARE... IF YOU SEE ME SOMEWHERE PRETTY, I’M THINKING THE WHOLE TIME “HOW BLESSED I AM TO BE HERE”... I CAN’T BE LIKE YOU, IF YOU’RE WEALTHY, I’M NOT LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE YOU, AND YOU SHOULD COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, AND BE GENTLE TO OTHERS AND GIVE WHEN YOU CAN, BECAUSE YOU ARE PRIVILEGED”

im not re-reading this. life has been hard! not going into details lol. i just need to cosmically reach out to strangers online sometime to go “we’re struggling, right? we don’t have money like some people do, and we’re never gonna. let’s stay strong, at least i’m not struggling alone”

tattoo on my forehead that says “ a lot of bad things happened to me and some continue to happen so don’t compare yourself to me because we are only barely the same species, it’s not fair and we did not run the same race”

hmmm... let’s hope we get a little luckier soon

image reward for reaching this point

[kuroosweakness]

hi um idk if this counts as an emergency but could i request some drabbles of how Akaashi and Sugawara would react to their s/o opening up less, self isolating, not as in they're not talking to anyone but they're isolating their emotions and keeping everything in? one of my biggest fears is that I'd come off as asking for attention or being a bother to someone, and a lot of times I'll ask my friends if I'm annoying them. Now I don't even ask anymore because i think THATS annoying, and i feel so stupid and i just want to cry but i refuse to cry in front of people because i feel like such an annoying burden and im just asking for pity, i tell people to leave me alone or ignore me even though that's the last thing i want. i crave comfort but refuse to ask for it and even reject it when i receive it.

hi! here's how i think akaashi and sugawara to react to your current state. i'm not the best at comforting people and writing emergency requests, so i hope this is okay!

also, i really hope you're feeling better. pls know that everything will get better. they always do <3

akaashi:

- don't you ever think anything gets past him! he catches on to your change in behavior the moment they start to show. knowing him, he'll subtly ask you how you are and investigate further into your situation :')

- the LAST thing you are to him is a burden!! pls talk to him and make his worry less!!

- he knows you well enough to not leave you alone even when you say so at first. imagine akaashi politely pacing around the room, unsure if hugging you would be appropriate.

- he'll throw in a few jokes about he'll get tired of coffee or traffic or his coworkers, but never you! not even when you're persistently needing reassurance/affection. if he can make you feel more loved, he'll gladly do so

sugawara:

- he's so sweet and caring!! the perfect best friend + boyfriend combo

- one day, he'll ambush you (in a very friendly way) and start interrogating your sudden change in behavior. how come you're talking to him less? isolating yourself? communication is key!! how else would he be able to understand if you don't tell him?

he can spend hours listening to you ramble on about your thoughts!!

- the moment he hears that you don't want to be a burden to him, he'll frown and huff. how can you think that???

- negativity begone!! sugawara can turn a serious talk session into a fun movie night (or any other activity you love). to distract you from your worries and allow you to enjoy your day, he'll try his best to plan a little something for you two!

[sukifoof-art]

do you have any ideas on saeru and haruka being friends... because i would love to write a fic and my only problem is that i'm not an ideas man :'))) i can imagine they could meet when mary drags saeru into the daze?

AAAA thank u for this ask its very good and im sorry for answering it so late but!! firstly i think if everyone survived including saeru and kenjirou, kenjirou and haruka Who Is His New Son can take saeru out to Buy Clothes Like A Human. yes this is an excuse to draw him in my clothes again

manga/anime spoilery stuff under the cut

i think it would be really interesting that if after he gets dragged into the daze he met haruka there,,, although im not quite sure how that would work out cuz i think its implied he and takane meet again in?? the afterlife??? i think???? but maybe in another timeline or something like that haruka is still alive in the daze like how he was at the end of mca it would be really cool if he and saeru got to talk. like maybe saeru thought he was close to disappearing and haruka kinda. sees him break down and screaming about how he doesnt want to die and it would remind haruka of himself,, i would love for them to be friends and i think if anyone would be willing to be friends with him it would be haruka cuz haruka is Very Good and also understands that terrible fear of death,,,, maybe he could be trying to help saeru accept it because haruka seemed to be forced to come to terms with his own death and then theres that scene in the manga where he tries to console takane when he thinks shes talking about her inevitable death,,, thats actually what this post was about cuz its something i think about a lot,,,, i feel like it would be friendship based less on They Get Along So Theyre Friends but Haruka Takes Pity On Saeru Who Is Clearly Very Lonely And Distressed All The Time. maybe haruka can make him go to therapy cuz he definitely shouldnt have to deal with. Saerus Issues. i just feel like saeru could really use having someone as kind and understanding as haruka and haruka could use someone who understands his feelings on death as well,,,

ALSO i just remembered u wanted fic ideas and im not great at that but obviously i Really love the concept of them just talking so i hope that my incoherent rambling helped at least a little bit <3<3<3

[i-am-the-balancing-point]

some nihilistic bullshit pity party ramblings for myself but under the cut (bc honestly u don’t have to read that or even react to it, screaming into the void just sometimes helps me)

this is probably bc I forgot to take my meds again yesterday (I am usually not as bad at it as it might seem, yesterday was just some bullshit day. I sometimes get this super random and intense pain in my bladder and it simply happened again. the thing is though that the pain is usually so bad and sudden that my body often just decides to shut down and drop my blood pressure into The Abyss. I have passed out from it before and it happened again which kinda just messed with the little plans I had for the day which were pretty much taking my meds, giving my cat her meds, eating, showering and getting my bike fixed and I... managed to take care of my cat and eat) but like?? life is really just the same bullshit over and over again and I cannot believe how incredibly mundane and meaningless our existances actually are :’) I’m just so fucking tired of literally everything.

I’m... sure I wouldn’t percieve it as bad if I was neurotypical and not so fucking mentally ill butalso??? I am trying so fucking hard to at least keep whatever mental illnesses are infesting my stupid gremlin brain in check and seeking treatment for it and just trying to get better and do better and growas a person. but of course this shit is already so unneccesarily hard by design and then I finally find a therapist who is an absolute treasure and actually get !!60 sessions!! appropved with her. Now I have iterally 10 sessions left though and while I do not feel like... therapy has neccesarily been bad for me or anything I also feel like it has not done anything to improve my situation because yes, I know humans are basically like a little more complicated houseplants and need sunlight and nourishment and routine and yes do some mediation and bullshit and workouts and all of that crap but thats crap I a) do not even like doing? like I do not get enjoyment from working out. It is literally just another chore to me that I do not have the energy for. it does not do shit for me and b) would like to spend the little energy I generally have on something I at least enjoy. I wanna feel at least a little less miserable for the maybe 30 minutes a day I can maybe do something.

But also I have only 10 sessions left and I cannot wrap my head around how I am supposed to be “healed” by now or at least when those are over? And while I hate having to continiously explain myself and my own psyche I do not even fully understand, it was pretty much the only thing I had that gave me a little bit of security in terms of regularly seeing a mental health professional that was looking out for me at least a little bit. I do not even know what I am supposed to be healed from because apparently you are supposed to go into therapy with your own goal or whatever but like?? I “just” do not wanna be so miserable all the fucking time which is at the same time something I do not see myself being responsible for. If I was addicted to anything I could at least work on that addiction but the situation is different and I do not see there anything I personally am having to “overcome”.

People with kidney failure are not expected to figure out their own treatment plan and tell the people who’s care theyre under what their fucking kidney might need and what kind of therapy is best for them how am I supposed to continuously do that for my fucking brain when I have No Idea What Is Even Going On With It and have no energy to do so in general. Why am I expected to continously beg for meds that work better and do my own research and figure out what meds at least MIGHT work for me when that should be my psychiatrists job? A person who literally has a medical degree and has studied that shit, who’s literal job it is to know which meds might work for what???

I am so fucking tired of always screaming for help and treatment and busting my ass (at least as much as I can) and when I can finally get a hold of places and people who are supposed to be health care professionals it still always boils down to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ you kinda have to do it all yourself bc we don’t know either. We are also not gonna help you at least with what we could because fuck I don’t even know. I can literally go on the fucking internet and get all the same incredibly uSeFuL information I have received from them in all those years there in two minutes which are LITERALLY work out regularly, touch a leaf, ✨journal✨, practice mindfullness, do not be a POC or queer or neurodiverse at all and this is all magically gonna fix whatever is wrong with you. Like at least get me to a point where I can do all of that useless shit AND do the things I enjoy which are what others might say are what makes life worthwile. But I have also been trying and it absolutely does jackshit and you’d know if you actually believed me for a second.

I am coming to you for treatment and help then fucking give me that and do not turn me the fuck away when I have been sick foriterally so long that I cannot even do whatever shit you’re asking me to do to somehow conform to your idea of what should cure me. I know I am still incredibly fucking privilegef but that doesn’t make me immune or magically cure me. I’ve had to be my own responsible fucking adult pretty much the minute I could walk I just want someone PROFESSIONAL who knows what they’re doing to take my side, protect me and take action that will help me for once in my fucking life and not act like I am somehow the cause of all of my fucking problems and illnesses and should be licking their boots for them even being willing to generously gift me their attention.

[pfreadsandwrites]

congratulations on 100+ followers!!🥺❤️✨ bless you and your quality content ahhhh and thats a really good list of prompts there i actually had trouble picking one... but, since im truly a sucker for angst at heart, can i please have a number 15 with Kakashi?👀 please hurt me lmao thank you, and congrats once again!❤️

100 follower celebration

Yes, i used this mangacap. 

Anyway, ahh @enchantedpendant, I’m so sorry I’ve kept you waiting so long for this! I know you expressed excitement over me writing something angsty way back when I first began the celebration event and ugh I’m just sorry it’s taken so long. And thank you for your support as well. You’ve been so amazing and encouraging right from the start and I’m so grateful :) I really hope you like this... if ‘like’ is the correct word.

Oh - also, to the anon that also requested this exact prompt (great minds think alike, huh?) I’m planning on writing a different version for you! But yours is the penultimate or last one so I’m hoping this’ll tide you over in the meantime! 

This is my first piece after being unable to write for a while - forgive me if it’s rusty. I worked hard on this but I also struggled to all hell with it. It’s a circular-ish/montage-y piece. And I could have made it short, focusing on the scene itself, but I wanted this to have an emotional impact, ya know? I hope it worked! Please let me know what you think. Or if there are any mistakes.

warnings: character death, angst, miscarriage, sad feels all around, female reader, mild violence and sex mentions but nothing explicit, 2.9k

taglist: @madaras-housewife @datblobbyfish @praisingkuroosbedhead @allthingskakashi @enchantedpendant @ibukiirisha @cinam00n @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @tachibrii @drunkenfists

15. “Don’t die on me - please.”

Why did it always feel too soon, each time he let you go?

You remember it, the first time it happened. 

How could you not? Little, insignificant, as it might have been to some - to him, if he could convince himself - to you, it was momentous. Lasting only a second, where his calloused fingers had brushed against yours, softer than his, yes, but no less enduring. The normally aloof eye, the only one he seemed to show without hesitation, was intent, the obsidian endless in its depth. 

But - out of courtesy to him, or some kind of self-preservation - you’d paid it no mind. Or kept up that pretence, anyway. You found your footing as quickly as you’d lost it, stumbling away from his support no matter how reluctant you were to do so. The gratitude you’d muttered was enough and it seemed like you’d made the right choice; when that quietly shrewd eye of his turned away from you and his strong hands let you go in the same movement. He never let you bask in your own clumsiness, but that somehow made you feel worse. His nonchalance was excruciating. As if he hadn’t just saved you and made it look effortless. As if his touch alone hadn’t frozen you in place. 

As if it never happened at all. 

(It never should have happened at all.)

But still, you remember it. The moon’s luminosity the perfect backdrop, illuminating that wild silver hair as he turned away from you. 

(It was all so disgustingly poetic.)

It took longer than it should have for you to turn away in kind. But you did. Eventually. You made the awkward trek back to camp before him, the internal rambling of your self-berating your only company. It grew louder each time you looked back, stealing little glances against your own will.

It was so loud that you didn’t notice much else.

Not even Kakashi stealing glances back at you, for instance. 

***

Why did your breath hitch,  even when the air had never been more tranquil?

You remember. 

How he always did that, you still don’t know. Perfect timing, though you never appreciated just how perfect until he was gone again. 

(You should have learnt to count your blessings.)

Without a trace, and so quickly, unceremoniously, that the entire encounter might well have been a mirage. It still might have been.

(Maybe it’d been better that way.)

 You’d had enough. You didn’t think it through much further, and your desperation triumphed over your cautiousness as you sought out the bar exit. The mission, against all odds, was a success. And, against all better judgement, you were dragged along to the accompanying celebration. The atmosphere should have been infectious, you should have smiled more, you should have enjoyed yourself. 

Then again, you couldn’t find much to celebrate. Mistakes - your mistakes - had piled up. Your team completed the mission despite you, not because of you. The liability, not the heroine. 

(In hindsight, would it really have been so terrible if things ended for you there?)

You’d exhaled dramatically as you made your escape, a feeble attempt to expel all the guilt and shame you’d retained, or tried to retain, up until now. 

You still remember the lilt of his voice, smooth and somehow jovial, but never losing that gravelly undertone, as you walked around the corner. How could you ever forget it? No matter how lax he sounded, or tried to sound, the severity lurking underneath always cut you deep.

Are you alright, he’d asked, already knowing the answer. With that signature one-eyed smile, he pretended to believe your response. And you pretended, in turn, that his smile didn’t have had the effect on you it did. 

You didn’t exchange that many words as he walked you home, but somehow, it was enough. Though he was always careful with what he revealed, it was enough. He understood - much more than he let on, you suspected - but it was enough.

You didn’t hate yourself quite as much anymore, and - well, it wasn’t too much of a stretch - it didn’t seem like he hated you either. Something in the way his hand squeezed your shoulder, lingering for a moment, just before he saw you off. Was he reluctant to let go? 

Maybe. 

You slept better that night. 

You’d find out later, that, miraculously, Kakashi did too. 

***

Why did you feel so secure, sharing in all that suffering?

You remember.

(Why had you been so stupid?)

You’d almost dropped your flowers, when you saw him standing there, facing the memorial stone. It shouldn’t have been shocking; you’d heard gossip, in passing, about how much time he spent here. You’d also heard, in passing, how late he tended to be. Putting two and two together, you never held the latter against him. 

You understood, after all. You'd understood all the more as your eyes bore into his back. Something in the way he curled and uncurled his fists, the way he sighed, the way his straightened back gradually hunched. 

As far back as you could recall, your attitude to graveyards was… ambivalent. You’d avoid them whenever you could, not out of any tendency to be spooked or anything like that. You just couldn’t bring yourself to leave. It was peaceful, to be immersed somewhere so solemn, with such dense air - but the gravity of it also chained your feet there like an anchor. You knew each time you were there, regardless of your own volition, wouldn’t be the last. So if anyone were to empathise with this particular way he chose to punish himself, it was you.

(And now you would take it on twofold in his stead. What a joke.) 

“You don’t often come here,” he’d said quietly, matter-of-factly. Devoid of judgement, though he didn’t bother to face you. 

“No. I probably don’t spend as much time here as I should…,” your voice trailed off, and found new confidence, when you watched him stare at that stone. Hopelessly. You didn’t know all the details. But you didn’t need to. All you knew that it was simultaneously frustrating and pitiful. “And you probably spend too much.”

This time, he glanced back over his shoulder. You couldn’t exactly see through his mask, but he seemed… amused? “How do you figure that?”

“Call it a hunch.”

He chuckled, satisfied, and stepped back to give you room. “Then, I guess we balance each other out.”

“What a pair we are.” 

“Right. Well, I better-“

You still don’t know why you decided to grab his wrist that day, when he turned to leave. You still don’t know why you couldn’t bring yourself to let go, either. 

You still don’t know why Kakashi decided to stay. 

***

Why did you flit so rapidly from anger to elation, and why was it always because of him?

You remember.

In hindsight, it had been your fault. 

(What the fuck else was new?)

Retreat. Get out of here. It had been a simple order. But it had felt impossible, when the enemy appeared from behind, jutsu blaring, its raw power visible, that disgusting snarl on its wielders’ face - aiming for him.

You didn't think. You couldn’t think. You leapt in front of the attack within seconds, and your plan ended there. 

The same couldn’t be said for your captain. With his signature finesse, with a rare scowl - you couldn't tell who it was aimed at - you were moved away, and the enemy deflected, in the same movement. 

The battle had come to an end shortly after, through no fault of your own. It took all you had, but you bit your tongue as he scolded you, in front of your comrades, quietly healing your wound. 

You had acted for his sake. 

(How futile.)

Apparently, that meant nothing to him, not even worthy of acknowledgement. It wasn’t like you had expected gratitude - but for a man known for his stoicism to blow up, and because of you - it made you livid in turn. 

The journey back had been silent, seemingly just so you could bask in your own shame. 

So, when you were back in the sanctuary of your home, nursing your injury, your failure, and your pride - you hadn’t expected to hear a knock.

Nor had you expected him. Headband missing, brow furrowed and glaring at you in that way you couldn’t understand, much less accept. You’d made a mistake - of disobeying orders, of recklessness, of caring - but why the hell did he care in turn? 

“What?” You had hissed, unable to contain the outrage of his interruption of your little haven. Not that it made it any easier to look at him. “You’re here to admonish me again?”

“What the hell was that?” He growled in turn. “You disobeyed my orders and almost got yourself killed.”

“I-,” your voice shook, tears pricked your eyes - he was right, even if it pained you to admit it, but it wasn’t fair. The space between you had shrunk. He was so close now that you saw the rise and fall of his broad chest beneath his vest - apparently just as outraged as you. You had never seen him like this before. “Why are you so mad at me? I was just trying to - I thought-”

“Am I supposed to factor in every one of your impulses? Why did you do that?”

You remember how you heard his heartbeat, pounding - pounding just as loud as yours was. And it depleted your inhibitions. “Because - because you were in danger, you asshole!”

You remember how he had gently grabbed your injured wrist, just as you were about to shove him. You’d anticipated his reflexes, but you couldn’t have anticipated his expression, when you finally met his gaze. You remember how swiftly he’d pulled down his mask, but you couldn’t have anticipated just how breathtaking he’d be, either. Nor how it could feel when he kissed you - finally.

When Kakashi moved to pull away, of course, of course, you moved to pull him right back. 

 ***

Why did you always let him leave?

You remember.

(If you knew how it would end, you never would have let him. Better still, maybe you never should have let him enter in the first place.)

Safe.

You’d never felt so safe. 

When he’d appear and reappear at your apartment - the window, never the door, despite your half-hearted protests - waving with that stupid, adorable, one-eyed smile. He knew you’d saunter over, sliding it open with a matching grin, every time without fail. 

(You always did. That much, you did.)

When he’d laugh, when you told him about your mishaps. You’d laugh at his in kind - though it didn’t suit you, and you replaced it with your usual sympathetic ear. When you’d accompany him to the memorial stone, and pull him way just at the right time. When he’d pull you away, too. 

(What a fool.)

When he’d unmask himself around you, and you pretended not to notice, like it didn’t floor you. When you watched him struggle to decide whether he was relieved or offended. When he kissed you, in that indescribable way that wavered between tentative and determined, soft and powerful, usually choosing the perfect time to flit to the latter, making your knees buckle in the process.

(What a fool.)

When he’d undress you, and no matter how desperate he’d seem, how he always paused to take you in. When he’d move in you, filling your heart and body so much that you thought you might burst. When he’d hold you just that little bit closer, tighter, longer every time.

(What a fool.)

Even when he’d leave, sometimes after you’d fallen asleep, sometimes before - sometimes in the morning - when he’d leave for a day, a week, a month - you felt safe.

Because you knew, in the deep recesses of your heart, that each time you saw him wouldn’t be the last.

(What a fucking fool.)

You remember the first time he said it. Quietly, earnestly, unceremoniously. 

“I love you,” Kakashi had murmured into your ear one night, when he was so, so sure you were sleeping. 

***

Why did you ever dare think you had any cause for optimism?

You remember.

The two lines, glaring upwards and through you, from that unremarkable little piece of plastic. They’d ran parallel - you thought it apt, just like your trepidation and your excitement. The lines would never meet, though. 

(How apt.) 

You’d been happy. That was what had shocked you most, save only for the very fact of you being in this situation in the first place. But behind the fear, there it was. A little glow, a nucleus of hope and future nascent deep in your centre, spread through your heart and speckled to your fingertips, your face, your smile - that paired flawlessly with the little bundle of meaning, the combination of you and him budding in your belly. 

(Buds drop off before blooming all the time.)

You thought it’d be easy. 

(How stupid.)

You thought you could share it all with him right away. 

(You wished.)

But there was a part of you that faltered, when he’d show up at your window in that deceptively lax way. The words stuck in your throat, whenever he asked you if you were alright. The ease of his question didn’t match the weight of the truth. It almost felt… cruel. 

Maybe his fears would eclipse yours, and all that euphoria you’d harboured would dissolve. Maybe he’d be angry, though you suspected that even if he were, it’d be short lived. Maybe you’d end up keeping him from his duty. 

(Maybe you were just a coward.)

Regardless, your hands would float to your stomach whenever they weren’t occupied. Regardless, your mind would conjure up a future, remiss of your own will, an idyllic scene of a child, a marriage, something so sickly sentimental that you wanted to scold yourself. Regardless, it gave you hope.

It was enough, you’d decided. You'd get over it, face him and your fears, because what was waiting on the other side was so good that you’d forget that you had any in the first place. You’d do it. 

You’d tell Kakashi the next time you saw him. 

***

Why did it always feel too soon, each time he let you go?

You remember it, the last time it happens.

How could you not? The moon’s luminosity the perfect backdrop, incandescent, illuminating that wild silver hair, that crimson eye, that tired eye. His blood gleams under its splendour, under the green light that emanates fruitlessly from your delicate, shaking fingers. Softer than his, but no less enduring. 

It’s all so disgustingly poetic.

He refuses to scream, or shout - just whisper your name, in that restrained, ever-abiding tone. It’s never made you want to scream out more in his turn. You would have done anything to absorb it all in its stead. 

“What are you doing here?” he demands, as if he has the energy to. As if you can answer. As if you don’t see the wounds, the bloodshot-eyes, that compliance of his own mortality. His hand - the one that you were stupid enough to trust in, to think was strong - clenches around yours, calloused, then weakens, loosening its grip. He follows it with another impossible, familiar order. “Get out of here.”

“Shut up. Don’t die on me - please,” you beg, coughing up your words in between the sobs that spill forth, onto his face. The ache, the deep, sharp cramp in your hips, the agonising spark that spreads throughout your lower body, and you repeat your futile mantra two-fold.  

(It hurts. It hurts so much.)

“Y/N, I- I’m sorry,” he begins, moving to use his dwindling force to brush away your healing fingers, “it’s too late for that. Just get somewhere safe. Please.” 

“Shut up,” you repeat. You gasp hoarsely, reinforcing your grip. The pain deepens, in the pit of your throat, your heart, and in your womb, amalgamating together inextricably in some hellish concoction just for you and you alone. “Shut up.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. His eyes lid, and suddenly that scar never seems so cutting. It’s all so obvious. He just looks so tired, so… resigned. As if he’s been waiting for this. “I love you.”

“I love you too. So you can’t-”

“It’s over. You know it as well as I do.” 

Somewhere, somewhere deep down, you always knew. You knew, but never wanted to admit it. He’d made his peace with dying, long before you ever met, and you can’t hold him back any longer. It almost feels… cruel. 

(Not as cruel as him.)

His hand drops, dropping with a graceless thud against your damp thigh. “Y-you’re covered in blood. That’s all mine…?”

“Yes,” you lie, voice as thick as the mixture of blood and tears that stain both you and him. “Don’t worry about me.”

He stops - and you almost think he’s going to call you out, like he’s done so many times before. 

(You wish he would.)

You’ve never been able to dupe him. But instead, his eyes crinkle at the corners.

(You love him. You love him so much.)

He smiles that hidden smile, one last time. 

His fingers that fight with yours give up, one last time.

He whispers your name, one last time. 

Why did it always feel too soon, each time Kakashi let you go?