#i understand the criticisms but i also really love the cat on a hot tin roof movie

[whifferdills]

GALLIFREY: TIME WAR: UNITY: The main victim of Time War's pacing issues: you don't really get that it's been 15 years and two lifetimes since "The Devil You Know". Or like. I didn’t on first listen, at least, idk maybe it works for other people? Anyway. Drop this one into the ‘flawed but somehow more interesting precisely because it’s flawed’ category...

This is a Leela who is tired, who is no longer interested in fighting for someone else's cause, who is defensive and insular and surrounded by mines and the graves of people who tried walking over them. And Romana doesn't get it, certainly: her friendship has always been transactional (it has to be...this is not a woman who can easily conceive of herself outside of the roles she plays and the jobs she performs). Leela has always ultimately agreed to fight alongside her, or if not then for a predictable cause. And she...won't.

Leela's exhaustion is familiar. Of course the city runs on slave labor. Of course Daleks and Time Lords are vying for control over the planet's oil so they can eke out an advantage in this war no one will win. Of course Romana and Narvin are trying to leverage her emotions to their advantage. & like...her wife is dying and her son is growing up into a fight she can't help but push him into.

Understand I am not doing the fandom-brained ‘hurr durr there is no platonic explanation for [experience common in platonic relationships]’ thing here, this is Cat On A Hot Tin Roof (1958) dir. Richard Brooks levels of like, the space in the narrative where the queerness isn't anymore. It doesn't Not work as an intense platonic relationship (this series - and the franchise in general - beyond all the guff mostly turns on the complexities and complications of deeply-felt, transformative friendship) but also....you can see where they were going for a lived-in marriage and replaced it with ? at the last minute and every beat plays exactly the same but now the context is a ghost. It's a negative space drawing.

So we're left with a Leela who lost her son, who wasn't really her son; and her wife, who was only subtextually her wife; and her friend, who she now believes is an echo detached from the source. A harbinger or carrier of the war, not even allowed the full text of her grief, cast adrift again but this time with the personification of Gallifrey-as-grand-illusion. There's an interesting thread where Leela is as contemptuous of Narvin as she's ever been, but also trusts him enough to leave him with Vega and Rayo, and is delighted to find his box of scavenged weapons. & then from the other direction, Romana taking Vega's name...like it's such a weird and chunky shuffling-around of traditional family dynamics that relies on three pointedly-undefined relationships both being and not being romantic. What the fuck is actually textually happening in this story. This is making cartoon steam come out of my ears ~

DEPARTMENT OF OOO BABYGIRL YOU NEED THERAPY: "I deserve much worse...this is a clean slate I haven't earned. This is the opposite of a redemption. This is cheating."

DEPARTMENT OF THINGS ROMANA ONLY SAYS IN FRONT OF DALEKS: "I will never betray those I love" I'm scromiting

[secret-rendezvous1d]

D E C E M B E R  4 T H

REQUEST What if the missus gives Harry a gift on December 1st and it’s like an advent calendar but each day is a new position/place to have sex up until Christmas.

This is quite a short little something; I apologise. 

I didn’t have too much time to write this one properly and I’ve got a few busy days coming up so I need to write a lot of other stories  for Blogmas so that I can post them on a queue without needing to be here - there may a chance that a few more of the stories will be short and sweet but straight to the point in what was requested. 

My mobile masterlist also unlinked all my links so I’ve got that to work on, too, so I’m all a bit rushed around. There will be a new masterlist coming that you will be able to access as soon as possible; you just need to bear with me on that.

Feedback is welcomed, as always - please let me know what you think of my pieces, send me any constructive criticism you think would help out, any ways to make my writing better, anything. It really helps me and keeps me motivated to write and we get to work as a team to make things better, for me to write and for you to read.

Enjoy! x

D e c e m b e r  1 s t  2 0 1 8.

The sweet smell of cinnamon filled the air.

And there was a distinct smell of fragrant dates and fruity currants and a thick scent of rum that had been mixed together in a bowl, baked in the oven and laid to rest underneath a thick and white-fondant marzipan, packing in a tin and ready to be devoured on Christmas Day with cream or custard. Every moment he took a deep inhale, his belly seemed to rumble from just how gorgeous their home smelt.

This time of the year was his favourite time of the year; it always had been, ever since he was a little boy and old enough to understand what the spirit of Christmas was and just who Santa Claus was to the world. He loved when the weather got colder and he could bundle up in warm jumpers and wear woollen socks around the house to keep his toes warm, without someone commenting on why the hell he was dressed so warmly; when the nights got longer and the sun set in the afternoon and gave the atmosphere a certain darkness that was dark enough for people see the Christmas lights decorating the high streets; it made him feel feel so warm and cosy and brought out the best in him; the weather made him feel happy and excited to be able to spoil his loved ones with gifts that showed his affection. And when it came to his wife, he loved that he could spoil her with all of his love and all of his affection and he could give her any length and any type of cuddle during the day and could have all the intimacy, in the world, that always seemed to spike when this time of year came around - the cold always did something to their hormones... but they weren’t complaining. Christmas meant he was surrounded by his friends and his family, Jeffrey gave him weeks off of work to be there in the cold heart of London, and he loved that he could take advantage of that.

Time off meant he could do the things he had always dreamed of doing with a partner, for his own home, to celebrate the holiday that they were planning to spend together. Christmas-tree shopping in garden centres and taking the tube to see the lights of Oxford Street whilst doing some window-shopping along the way, jumping in the car and singing Christmas songs on the drive to a 24-hour drive-thru that they had been craving and hopping on a train to head down to Surrey so they could spend time with the ones they didn’t see so much and could devour a roast with his aunt and uncle, gathering with their friends and hitting Hyde Park’s Winter Wonderland for the night... with a busy schedule all year around, it felt nice to have the end of year to recuperate.

Evie purred on his lap as he nudged the tips of his fingers into the top of her head, rough but gentle enough, as the feline idly smiled with delight. Her tiny, black and white paws pawing at the polyester of his plaid pyjama bottoms and her claws catching the threads as she pushed against his thighs to find a comfier position; her ears twitching every so often when the tinkle of bells filled the silent living room, after having echoed around the kitchen, from a radio station that YN had switched on to use as background noise whilst baking a variety festive goods. Her whiskers tickling the underside of his wrist before she curled up in the dip where his thighs met. Socked feet kicked up on the arm, slippers kicked off and paired together underneath the coffee table, and the blanket, that was previously tucked up around his body to keep him warm, was thrown over the back of the sofa.

“Surprised you’re not out in the kitchen with your mum whilst she’s got all the food out. Forever trying to nick the currants from my porridge in the mornings, little lady,” he hummed, catching Evie’s drowsy face, giving her head a blurring shake before resting her chin on the pudge of his stomach, “did you just fancy a cuddle with daddy, huh? Fancied watching the telly? Or are you here because I give you too much fuss? You’re a spoilt little darling. Spent far too long with your Nana Anne, haven’t you? Whilst mummy and daddy were off travelling the world on tour. Demanding lots of love.”

“Will you stop talking to the cat? She won’t ever respond,” he heard from the room adjacent to him, a hint of a smile in her voice, and he dragged a curled finger down the cheek of Evie’s furry face, “and, now that you’re awake and no longer milking how tired you are, will you come and help me with this? It’s difficult to take photos along the way and I can’t keep switching between mixing and kneading and taking photos. My camera is getting all mucky. You’ll have to buy me a new one for Christmas.”

“Would you be so upset if I said that Elf has just started and that I want to watch it so badly because I’ve been looking forward to December for this exact moment?” His attention drifted to the television screen that brought up a scene of Will Ferrell dressed in a bright green elf-costume, with yellow accents, and looking to be the tallest in a situation that he just he didn’t belong in amongst the other of Santa’s helpers; it had been his favourite film for as long as he could remember. One that he liked to curl up and watch when his school day had finished, eating a fresh batch of muffins that his mother had made during the morning. One that he liked to watch with his sister on Christmas Eve whilst drinking hot chocolates and chucking marshmallows at one another as the quoted the most iconic lines. One that he could recite off by heart and would drive his father insane because he just couldn’t help himself. And it was the one film that he wanted to show off to his children in the future - to sit down with his wife and his own children and eat treats that they made and drink hot chocolates, together and as a whole family, as they snuggled beneath a blanket and sat before the fire... and to know that YN, who was once the girlfriend that he had willingly shared the tiny glimpse of their possible future, loved the film almost as much as he did. “You know how much I love this film.”

“You know how much I love Elf, too,” he heard her huff, “why can’t we record it and then watch it later on? When we’re not doing anything and get to be lazy? We can order in a takeaway pizza and then drink hot chocolates with the tiny marshmallows that I have left over.”

“Can we eat whatever you’re making?”

The house had fallen silent and he only realised once he heard her slippers scuff along the floor, brushing her hands on the front of her, already dusted with flour and the odd flecks of dough, apron. A picture of an elderly lady, with thin-rimmed glasses and grey hair, who identified herself as Mrs Claus, was printed on the front with the words ‘Have Your ‘Elf A Merry Christmas’ - which had made him chuckle when he saw it in the store and had thought of how she would enjoy the pun just as much as he did - in beautiful, candy-cane coloured script that arched above her head. Her upper body leaning over the back of the sofa.

“Not all of what I’ve been,” she grinned, “there is a lot that I’ve made since you’ve been asleep and we don’t need your dicky tummy playing havoc over the next week or two-” she have the side of his belly a pat and got a side-eye from Evie who looked displeased at being woken from her sleep. “-I’ve got one box for us to share and then the rest I’m going to give to my parents when we see them this weekend, your sister and Michal when they come round tomorrow for lunch, your aunt and uncle when we go to their Christmas party next week, and your mum to take home when she comes up in a few days.” She ran a sticky hand over his forehead and brushed his fringe away from his forehead, little amounts of flour catching between the strands. “You look very cosy.”

“I would feel a lot cosier if you took a break from whatever you were doing and came and cuddled with me. It’s cold, I’m tired and me and Evie want you to come and take some time out,” he looked down at the cat, who was now purring and sending tiny vibrations through his belly, “she would agree if she was awake.”

“I’m sure she would,” his wife giggled and brought her hand from Harry’s flushed forehead to Evie’s soft fur. Stroking the patch between her two ears and digging her fingertips into her skull; her purrs sounding so loud and vibrating through her body, toe-beans flexing as her way of showing how pleased she was, “give me a few minutes. I’ll get my last batch in and cool the one that is in the oven and then I’ll be in.”

“Could you make some tea and bring that in, too?” He asked and she scoffed at his cheekiness, pinching his nose as it scrunched up and brought his eyes to a squint, “please? Mine went cold when I fell asleep.”

“Fine,” she sighed, “make some room for me.” She spun around and walked back towards the kitchen, halting abruptly in her path and turning her upper body to look over her shoulder, shooting him one last statement before she went back to her baking. “Oh, I have an important present to give you later, by the way. Don’t let me forget.”

And god, he didn’t forget.

‘An important present’ was all she needed to say to him to make sure that her instruction, on not letting it go forgotten when she didn’t remember, was handled correctly.

Okay, he may have forgotten until later in the evening... but, hey, he still remembered!

Stretched out upon the sofa, his ankles rested on YN’s thighs, crossed and with feet clad in the warmest of socks (that had been a tradition to wear, on the first of December, every year), his attention diverting between the television and the book held in his hands. Glasses on the bridge of his nose. She was busy scrolling through her phone, casually sipping on a glass of wine, his own glass sitting on the coffee table and a distinct difference from the tea he’d been sipping on throughout the afternoon. On the telly, someone had exchanged a gift to another and that was what had prompted him to remind her.

“S’this important present you need to give me?”

She gasped and almost spat her gulp of wine, holding her glass under her chin as she looked him, eyes wide and her hand in a rush to push his feet away from her. The soles hitting the floor as he swung his body around and sat up, closing his book and dog-earing the page, placing it on the shelf beneath the glass top, upon a pile of magazines and newspapers.

“Christ, yes. I forgot,” she muttered, setting her wine glass on the table and standing to her feet, leaving her phone behind on the sofa cushion as she darted in the direction of the stairs, “thanks for reminding me!”

“Couldn’t forget,” he snorted.

Through the floorboards, and the ceiling above him, he could hear her enter their bedroom and have a quick rummage around something - that he presumed to be the vanity drawers... - to find what she had hidden away from him. Skilfully, of course, because he used those vanity drawers and had yet to stumble upon anything that looked out of place. A wrapped present definitely being on that list.

She was quick back down the flight of steps, with something rattling in her hand, and he slipped his glasses back up his nose. A grin, that he tried to diminish but couldn’t because he rather excited to see what she had, sitting on his red-painted lips, teeth having turned purple around the gums from drinking the wine they’d cracked open, as his green eyes watched her every move.

“Someone spoke about this in a problem-page in a magazine I read at the hairdressers the other week. It was a suggestion on how to have better sex, and I know that we have great sex and it’s always adventurous and we get up to a lot, but I liked the idea and I thought it would be something you’d want to try out,” she smiled. A big in length, thin in width box was held in her hands, her eyes holding nerves as he took it from her, “it’s an advent calendar. Just, not the usual kind of advent calendar you would expect. No chocolate in it or anything.”

“An advent calendar that isn’t chocolate?” He gawked in disbelief, the wiggling of his fingers apprehensive as they picked at the flap and pulled it from within the cardboard, “what kind of awful advent calendar did you buy me?”

“It’s not awful!” She cried out.

“It has no chocolate. It’s awful,” he teased. Her body collapsing to the space beside him, with a heavy huff being pushed out powerfully from her lungs, with a frown on her face and her arms folded over her chest. She tried not to watch him as he opened it; it definitely wasn’t an awful present, let alone an awful advent calendar, but he was teasing her and she had to show how ‘frustrated’ that made her. But she couldn’t help but let her vision hide in the corner of her eyes, watching him discreetly as he pushed the cardboard to the floor and set the calendar on his lap. “It’s just... plain?”

“Open number one.”

His finger dragged along each closed door as he read each bold number that his tip passed over, stumbling upon number one and wasting no time in breaking the seal and opening the flap. The word ‘cowgirl’ in black cursive sitting heavy on his tongue; what on earth was this advent calendar and why did YN buy it for him, knowing he would ‘like it’? His green eyes homed a look of confusion as he looked between the white cardboard and her intrigued face, looking curiously as him, watching the cogs turn in his head as he tried to figure out what the hell she had gifted to him.

“Wha-”

“It’s a sex advent calendar,” she clarified, sitting up and leaning forward, elbows resting upon her knees. A cheeky grin on her mouth as he let out a scoff and laughed, cheeks flushing pink and looking back at the word printed on the small, square-shaped door. “You open this up, every day, and it tells us what position we should have sex in. Sometimes we can never decide and,” she reached over and squeezed his knee, “this way, it decides for us.”

“Like some strange magic-8 ball that decides people’s choices?” He snorted.

“Exactly like that, yeah,” she nodded, giggling sweetly as he shook his head from side to side with absolute disbelief, “not such an awful present now, is it, hm?”

He placed it on the coffee table and slung his arm around her shoulder, pulling her to his chest and pressing an open-mouthed kiss to her temple, groaning happily into her ear before falling to the sofa cushion and squeezing her to his body. Her legs curled up and her knees collided with his chest as she hugged him back with a tight grip.

“I take back all that I said. The best early-Christmas present, ever.”

[laughingpinecone]

Chocobox 2021 letter

I am laughingpineapple on AO3  

Hello dear author! I hope you’ll have fun with our match. Feel free to draw from general or fandom-specific likes, past letters, and/or follow your heart.

All requests are art or fic - for art, the stuff I like is the kind that depicts the characters doing something. I’ll always be happier with a very simple drawing of two characters walking together or sharing a cup of coffee than with an ambitious composition that looks like an Avengers poster. I also enjoy seeing them wear different clothes, getting a feel of what their fashion sense is like beyond their canon outfit(s). Or dressing them up for some outlandish AU!

Likes: worldbuilding, slice of life (especially if the event the fic focuses on is made up but canon-specific), missing moments, 5+1 and similar formats, bonding and emotional support/intimacy, physical intimacy, lingering touches, loyalty, casefic, surrealism, magical realism, established relationships, future fic, hurt/comfort or just comfort from the ample canon hurt, throwing characters into non-canon environments, banter, functional relationships between dysfunctional individuals, unexplained mysteries, bittersweet moods, journal/epistolary fic, dreams and memories and identities, canon-adjacent tropey plots, outsider POV, UST, resolved UST, exploration of secondary bits of canon, leaning on the uniqueness of the canon setting/mood, found families, characters reuniting after a long and/or harrowing time, friends-to-lovers, road trips, maps, mutual pining, cuddling, wintry moods, the feeling of flannel and other fabrics, ridiculous concepts played straight, sensory details, sickfic, places being haunted, people being haunted, the mystery of the woods, small hopes in bleak worlds, electricity, places that don’t quite add up, mismatched memories, caves and deep places, distant city lights at night, emphasis on non-human traits of non-human characters (gen-wise, but also a hearty yes xeno for applicable ships), emphasis on inhuman traits of characters who were human once and have sort of shed it all behind

Cool with: any tense, any pov, any rating, plotty, not plotty, IF, nerdy canon references, unrequested characters popping up.

DNW: non-canonical rape, non-canonical children, focus on children, unrequested ships (background established canon couples are okay, mentions of parents are okay!), canon retellings

Bone

Every once in a while I’m filled with love for this comic and its cast. I’m a sucker for all the dream stuff, dragon stuff, looking at early chapters knowing about latter developments... and cows. I’m good with all readings of the Rose/Lucius situation (who’s still carrying a torch for whom, lowkey couple or still pining, etc).

Cows & Grandma Ben & Lucius: Lucius weighing in on a past Great Cow Race? Something happens to a cow? Cows and messengers between them?

Cows & Thorn: Thorn please make your grandma proud, wrt racing or otherwise. Dreams of cows...

Grandma Ben & Thorn: future fic or any missing moment after the royal reveal?

Lucius & Thorn: I wish we got more about them! Pre-canon moment in Barrelhaven? Any sort of weird thing can happen in the Valley after all, maybe foreshadowing her latter abilities?

Grandma Ben & Great Red Dragon: any other encounter along the lines of what we saw? I love them both but I also understand why they are like that...

Crossovers

What it says on the tin, basically. Peaks and KRZ can so easily blend into each other, Peaks and Piranesi much less so but a friend once said that Piranesi is very much a Coop and when someone’s right they’re right.

Albert Rosenfield & Joseph Wheattree: either during some Blue Rose trip or if Albert ends up stranded after the hot mess that is s3. Being the reasonable one, the one who chooses to remain on the surface while others disappear in the depths...

Carrie Page & Dale Cooper & Joseph Wheattree: I am very fond of |Laura| and |Coop| traveling forever on dark highways after the end and they’re gonna need a gas station at some point!

Donald & Gordon Cole: something something burning hopeless dreams, but also federal interest in Xanadu, and how would that go?

Dale Cooper & Piranesi: oh you know, split selves and the reconciling thereof. Successfully, in Matthew’s case... ...less so in Coop’s, at least last we saw him. I’m interested in seeing them meet at any point in their timelines (and as any part or rejoined part of their selves, Dougie&Piranesi as much as Richard&Matthew or any mix thereof) under either canon’s metaphysical rules! (DNW: Richard being “the real Cooper” - I think he’s the part of Coop who is not quite Mr C but still sent all his warmth and empathy away)

Final Fantasy VI

What I love in this fandom is intra-party interaction. They’re all wonderful and don’t get to speak to each other that much, if at all. I’d love to see scenes and/or little adventures during or after the game! I don’t really have ships here so any unrequested character is welcome to feature too but I would prefer gen.

Celes & chocobo, Sabin & chocobo, Celes & Sabin & chocobo: you get the idea. It’s CHOCOBOx ffs, I’ve been meaning to request chocobos for years and then I always forgot! Full kweh ahead! Hit me with all the chocobo feels, what it’s like to travel with these big fluffy birds for better and for worse, what it’s like for Celes, what it’s like for Sabin (I just picked two faves who also traveled together), all your chocobo headcanons, during the WoR serpent trench leg of the journey or anywhere else!

Edgar & Gogo: in my ongoing quest to throw Gogo at the rest of the cast and see what happens, I thought it’d be neat to have them hang around Edgar since one’s an accomplished mime and the other is perhaps not so accomplished as he’d like to be in putting up a persona. Canon-typical Edgar flirting is a-ok unless it hinges on Gogo being a woman. I use they pronouns for Gogo but I’m good with all options. I’d like for them to continue presenting as inscrutably gendered, however.

Ghost Trick

I am very interested in various characters finding about  the erased timeline, but not getting their memories back, and having to  live with being told about what they did but never remembering it. Exploring the ghost lore is great. All  what-ifs welcome (what if they managed an acceptable happy ending but  didn’t reset the timeline, what if a different party went back to the  past and kept their memories, what if Alma’s ghost stuck around…) Also  open to AUs here, especially for generic fantasy or sci-fi settings or  the Final Fantasy ones I prompted last Yuletide.

For the non-canon sides of Jowd/Alma/Cabanela, please no  infidelity? I’d be good with either setting the fic during the game  timeline or some what-if thereof when the other spouse is dead or  unavailable, or simply keeping them offscreen and not mentioning them  (eg Alma/Cabanela beach day, Jowd/Cabanela precinct shenanigans)

For  Jowd in general, I do love my big boy and enjoy milking that size  difference for all it’s worth. In gen contexts too, it’s neat. him big.

For Cabanela in general, I am prompting scarf shenanigans, gen or shippy! It’s almost 4m of fabric... scarf used in clever ways, scarf getting in the way, scarf wrapped around one’s throat, scarf sticking out on a stakeout...

Alma/Cabanela/Jowd: maybe once Alma and Jowd have figured out he’s smitten and that they do in fact reciprocate... they tease him to death, slowly and deliberately? Is it even a Jowd romance if there’s not an exhausting amount of teasing involved, I ask? (sorry for repeating a prompt I got the perfect fill for last time - ...more teasing but this time with scarf, if that helps? Something with clothes? Clothes swap?)

Alma/Jowd & Cabanela: Cabs’ life is wild; his best friends’ home is a safe haven...

Bailey & Cabanela: Dance dance dance! Cabanela is not much one for _panic_ dances, but maybe other dances passed on in Bailey’s family could interest him?

Cabanela & Jowd & Pigeon Man: either as colleagues or Jowd trying to bring together these two weirdos who ended up meaning a lot to each other in the other timeline and thankfully didn’t get the same reason to bond now

Cabanela & Missile: off they go with their determination. And, critically, dog hair. The cat doesn’t shed for whatever reason but the dog sure does and that may just be the one tragic obstacle preventing an unstoppable partnership

Emma & Memry: oh so you know who ELSE has a penchant for romance cliches?

Jowd & Justice Minister: Did the Justice Minister ever go visit Jowd in the game timeline? How did he come to appreciate him as “the nation’s best detective”? Or in the new timeline, could Jowd’s insight help somewhat?

Jowd & Sissel & Yomiel: Sissel has two dads and they both love that cat very much. I’m all for the usual new timeline Jowd&Yomiel bonding tropes... with cat!

Kentucky Route Zero

I love the ending and I’d love to see its themes and setting explored. I’m all for exploration of any of  the game’s themes and for including any staples from adjacent genres -  wanna go full-on American Gothic? Dip into surrealism? Take a leaf from  Twin Peaks with tulpa / split narratives to explore the characters’  issues? I love AUs so that’s an option too.  Or of course there’s Xanadu at the height of its glory, an infinite  what-ifs generator. Were the requested characters part of it, what were  their digital counterparts up to? A Xanadu narrative would be great! I’d  also love to hear about any new spot along the Zero or the Echo river,  or an expansion of some place that’s only mentioned by Will in HATATE or  only gets a few paragraphs of text. Mostly, I just love all these characters so much and I’m going through the tagset’s options like a hyperactive cat. Any fragment of their lives will make me happy.

For Lula and all the artists in particular (and Cate, depending on your stance on mushroom hunting, I suppose): please do lean into their art if it’s something you enjoy! Exhibitions, concerts, reviews... accidental reenactments of Robert Frost poems... all the discourse on the arts is my jam, if that’s your thing.

Carrington & Clara: will Clara manage to get in one (1) word in between Carrington’s merry infodumping?

Cate & Shannon Márquez & Will: Anything about these three, but I was thinking, postgame Shannon getting somewhere on the Mammoth and reconnecting with Cate and Will...

Cate & Val & Will: Mammoth slice of life pretty please?

Donald/Joseph Wheattree/Lula Chamberlain: so Lula went back to Mexico. Joseph is pensive. Did the events of the night shake up Donald, or what will it take?

Lula Chamberlain & Maya: I Just Think They’re Neat, no real prompts I’d just like to see them interact. Where do their interests intersect? Land art...?

Shannon Márquez & Weaver Márquez: Reunited cousins please. No hard stance on Weaver’s ghostliness from me (what even IS a ghost, feels like we spent half canon debating that), again I Just Think It’s Neat that she’s there sitting on the steps...

Pyre

I feel deeply for all of Pyre’s main themes - literacy, degrees of freedom, the fragile time that is the end of a historical cycle, nobodies rising up to the occasion, the revolutionary spirit that goes toward building a better society, and of course found family, “distance cannot separate our spirits” and all that jazz. Thoughts about finding oneself at  the end of an age, as everything crumbles down to form something new. I love all the themes, the solemnity, the heart  of this game. I adore everyone in that Blackwagon+Dalbert+Celeste, so  if  you want to add a Nightwing or two to any prompt, please do! I also love  all the Scribes and find Erisa a compelling tragic figure. Out of  the other triumvirates, I’m “love to hate them” for Manley, Brighton,  Udmildhe and Deluge and would not like to see them featured in  sympathetic roles. My main interest usually lies in post-canon  exploration when applicable, but I’m also into various adventures during  canon. Pick a location or a place outside the map and see what happens?  As for the ending variables, I’d ask for a peaceful revolution and  Oralech alive, but no preferences for who’s up and who’s down, pick whatever  works best for any given plot bunny.

For any non-humans, if you like, do lean into their non-human traits! Curs gonna cur, saps gonna sap etc, different biology, different cultures...

Conversely, I regrettably do not enjoy an overwhelming majority of canon pairings so for Pyre, DNW unrequested ships period. The only exceptions are Soliam/Gol and Hedwyn/Fikani which I’d be happy to see featured wherever.

Barker & Brighton: it’s the sportsball bromance, you understand. I want to see these wildly incompatible individuals (Archjustice & Literally Exiled Due To Pissing On An Archjustice’s Statue) bond and maybe travel together due to their shared passion for the Rites and for Barker’s eventual invention of straight-up basketball

Big Bertrude & Celeste: who blinks first. They are... certainly two personalities, with primadonna tendencies perhaps (confirmed for Bertrude, but if I try to picture Celeste away from her job...). What if they clashed, is what I’m saying.

Big Bertrude/Pamitha Theyn: Pam returning from her travels, again and again, and finding a home in Bertrude’s lab, finding an understanding there...  Bertrude’s attitude being thorny in a way that’s just what Pam needs to allow herself to open up... also: snake kisses.  

Celeste/Jodariel: if the Heralds make it to the Union to get a shot at living a life of their own, and Tariq already has his friends and his interests in the material world, what’s left for Celeste? Maybe she could find herself unexpectedly close to Jodi, who’s good with distance and silence and also feels like the world doesn’t need her anymore...

Dalbert & Tariq: Any excuse for Tariq to hang out with the Fates for a little while, and treasure and be treasured by dear Dalbert...

Erisa & Volfred: what were they like!! What did Erisa think of this Reader and his Plan with Oralech, how did he approach her... how did they spent their time together...

Ignarius & Oralech: no no no listen, here’s the thing. If Iggy’s clearly got a thing for impressive horns and in general is quite stunned by other demons... ...I need him to see Oralech. Take this as seriously or as crack-treated-seriously as you wish.

Oralech/Tariq: I think there may be something about two individuals who got ultimately screwed by the final steps of the Scribes’ design (Oralech self-evidently; Tariq decides to rebel (!) to the planned end of his and Celeste’s mortal existences and stick around for a while). Learning to carve a niche for themselves...

Oralech/Volfred: waking up and remembering that the mourning that’s set deep in your roots is for someone who never died, waking up and remembering that the bitterness that consumed you had made up a betrayal that never was, finding each other through these crumbling walls... ...and/or Oralech being the government’s checks and balances aka the guy who knows Volfred and knows when to say Volfred _no_

Tariq/Volfred: Volfred’s zodiac sign is Cancer and Cancer is ruled by the Moon, so   there’s that.    I love how they both hold the other in the highest   esteem, especially on Tariq’s part since he’s the immortal Herald of   the Scribes and Volfred is, all in all, a history teacher, but listen to  him and you’d think the roles were inverted. I love my nonviolent canon  but could anything happen to either of them that may require a rescue,  and/or some good old-fashioned h/c? What’s something that could make  Tariq of all people lose it? How’s life 100 years on?  

Oralech/Tariq/Volfred: Volfred has two hands, and sometimes miracles happen twice? How do they balance each other, what’s the Oralech/Tariq side like and what’s Volfred’s perspective on it? Is Tariq a constant part of their lives or does he fade in and out? 

The Silver Case

I‘m all for the surrealism, big things being introduced and never picked up again, Rashomon’ing it up with six explanations for the same thing where no single one can be true, people dying and then popping up again like nbd...  maybe the thing I like the most is characters transcending their humanity and looming over the dystopian world like ominous avatars. Correctness’ first ending had me swooning, that kind of mood is unparalleled. I have played TSC, FSR and 25W so far and have vague memories of K7. I’m aware of the “everything’s connected” readings and they sure seem to check out but that’s not my main interest in these games. For FSR-focused requests, I see Lospass as a real island but also a metaphysical  place of transformation first and foremost, where strange things happen that don’t make sense elsewhere.

Toriko Kusabi & Remy Fawzil: What’s Toriko up to when she’s not chasing Chris? I think it could be fun to throw her at Remy and see the island from their point of view!

Tetsugorou Kusabi/Sumio Kodai: Tetsu picked one hell of a crush, huh! What’s it like in the aftermath of the games, when Sumio is Like That? How does Tetsu grapple with Parade? Is Tetsu an anchor of sorts for Correctness Sumio, who seems (at best) to be existing on a slightly different plane of existence at any given time and could disappear if you blink too hard?

Tetsugorou Kusabi & Shinko Kuroyanagi: I’m joining the “let these two be foulmouthed friends” masses - who’d be more fed up with the other’s nonsense, and in which ways would they be an unstoppable team?

Shinkai Tsuki & Tetsugorou Kusabi: Both of them end their stories in the shadows one way or another, and defending their protégé may have had a hand in their misfortune one way or another. What kind of understanding could they reach? What IS Tsuki up to anyway?

Christina & Catherine: anthro Catherine, as per the Placebo bonus chapter Yami, was unexpectedly charming. What was Chris before reaching Lospass, and did he also have a chat with her on the plane or on the island?

Shinkai Tsuki & Tokio Morishima: not unlike Tsuki&Tetsu, I’m intrigued by their 25W endings and I wonder if they could have a little lowkey, off-the-grid teamup maybe?

Tetsugorou Kusabi & Toriko Kusabi: a sweet father-daughter bonding moment on Lospass perhaps, both orbiting around Sumio’s nonsense in increasingly bizarre ways? What’s their take on the island?

Twin Peaks

Case fic but they  don’t find out jack shit, someone disappears, David Bowie was there,  it’s complicated. Fragmented, shifted, mirrored identities. New Lodge  spaces. The risks of staring into the void for too long. Gentle illusions. Transcendence. The moon. Static buzzing. Any title from the s3 ethereal whooshing compilation used as a prompt, actually. Twin  Peaks is all about the mystery to me, the awe of mystery and  unknowability and the human drive to look beyond and the risks of  getting a peek, and about shared consciousness and trauma taking  physical form in an uncaring  world. Go wild with the ethereal whooshing!  But I also love the human warmth at the heart of it all, and sometimes it’s enough to anchor these characters and let them have a nice day. A fic entirely focused on some instance of coziness against the cold chaotic background of canon would be great too.

Canon-specific DNWs:  any singular Dreamer being the ‘source’ of canon, BOB (let alone Judy)  being forever defeated in the finale, Judy being an active malevolent  presence in the characters’ lives, clear explanations for canonical ambiguities, ‘Odessaverse’ being the reality layer, the Fireman’s house by the sea being the White Lodge, anything that 4 hours Twin Perfect video says is the explanation of Twin Peaks 

Albert & Hawk: I love Hawk’s constant snarkiness in TSHOTP and I think it would work very well with Albert’s, so I’d love to see them either snipe at each other or work together to demolish... idk, Ben or whomever. They also share the peculiar brand of skepticism of someone who has been stewing in supernatural nonsense half their lives and that’s cool too I think

Albert & Windom: speaking of people who should snipe at each other...! Were they forced to work together at some point or did they bark at each other during an office party or? (and when did Gordon start pretending that Windom never even existed, incidentally?)

Albert/Coop: fiery early days? Dream meetings that Albert will inevitably write off as a product of his aching subconscious? Post-finale where Albert has made his peace with Coop not being part of this world and not even deigning to greet him, except one day Coop is back - with apologies? Post-post-finale where they’re peacefully living out their days as best as they can?    

Albert/Harry: did they tragically fall into each other’s arms in the wake of Coop’s disappearance? Did they realize they’re so good for each other, but neither of them was willing to give up their life? And/or was the wound of Coop’s disappearance too fresh for them to try to heal? Do they keep in touch throughout the years? Does Albert resign on the spot with a resounding fuck it after the s3 finale and rush to see Harry? Does he stay this time?    

Coop/Harry: Harry seeing his Coop again… somewhere, somehow. Maybe he perceives him in the woods, maybe Coop isn’t all human now. Monster cuddles very welcome. Could be canon divergence but could very well be post-s3. Harry getting closure for waiting all that time in front of Glastonbury and never giving up on Coop… they can live in the woods together…  

Albert/Coop/Harry: basically the sum of the three sides of this triad… give them peace, given them nice things, give them so much love… Coop finding his place in the world and making up for lost time… give time to these old wounds…    

Bobby/Shelly & James: I am very fond of all three of them and I’d like for James to have friends maybe? Shelly thinks he’s cool! If he and Bobby can get over the decades-old rift due to Laura’s affections...

Cynthia/Tammy: the FBI and USAF supernatural branches meet again after Douglas Milford’s times... what’s their attitude toward it (who’s the Mulder and who’s the Scully......), in what ways does their respective task force’s past inform their views, is there more hope for a new generation who saw the trauma of the past without living it firsthand? LET TAMMY KISS ALL THE GIRLS BUT THIS ONE IN PARTICULAR

Frank & Margaret: extremely bold of Frank to pretend nothing weird whatsoever has ever gone down in his life when he grew up in town and presumably was still around when Margaret became the Log Lady. I’m interested in this clash between his “not my division” attitude and an actual oracle. On the other hand, they may have things in common...

Laura & Monica Bellucci: go wild. I’m good with the wildest theories on what Monica Bellucci actually is/represents. Out of all the people she could interact with, I’m glad Laura was nominated. Lodgey nonsense ahoy!

Margaret’s log & Hawk: reportedly, the log stayed with Hawk and hasn’t said a thing YET. That’s what fanfic’s for, right?

[frustratedcastingdirector]

MARK RUFFALO HAD HIS FIRST TASTE OF ACTING AT FIRST COLONIAL HIGH SCHOOL IN VIRGINIA BEACH. EIGHTEEN YEARS AND LOTS OF STRUGGLES LATER, HE'S HIT THE BIG TIME.

The Virginian-Pilot (Norfolk, VA) - June 18, 2002   

Author/Byline: MAL VINCENT, THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT

THERE WAS A TIME when Mark Ruffalo's only claim to fame was as a champion wrestler at First Colonial High School in Virginia Beach. Acting was not on the radar screen.

Things have changed.

He's on the Hollywood A-list. The Los Angeles Film Critics Association gave him its New Generation Award in 2000. That same year, the Montreal World Film Festival gave him its Best Actor award for his performance in ``You Can Count on Me.''

He's starred with Robert Redford (``The Last Castle'') and he's appearing as an Italian-American Marine with Nicolas Cage in ``Windtalkers.'' Upcoming co-stars include Gwyneth Paltrow (``A View from the Top''), Meg Ryan (``In The Cut'') and Ashley Judd (Tennessee Williams' ``Cat on a Hot Tin Roof'' on Broadway).

This is not just another story of local-boy-makes-good. This is most definitely local boy makes the big time. We're talking international fame and fortune - a long way from his role as one of the Sharks in the chorus of First Colonial High School's ``West Side Story.''

Sitting in the Four Seasons Hotel in Los Angeles, Ruffalo, 34, showed some of that little-boy awe that some of his critics rave about. For a guy who plays Marines and is chosen for tough-guy roles, he is refreshingly down-to-earth, sensitive and honest. He's not at all the truck driver you'd expect.

``All this is something to take in stride,'' he said. ``It's taken so long to get to this point. I've been through the mill. This is no overnight success. It's been 18 years of going to auditions and getting turned down. Once every year or so, I'd think about quitting after people would ask me what I was doing. I'd tell them I was an actor, but they had never seen me in anything.''

He surprised Hollywood when he decided to direct a play at a small Los Angeles theater rather than to rush into a big movie after his ``You Can Count on Me'' success.

``I've had to reassess why I love acting and what it took to get here,'' he said. ``My main criterion should be that I love what I'm doing. I feel kind of tingly all over when people talk to me about all the offers, but it comes and goes. I'm not overly floored by it all. To tell you the truth, it rings empty when you finally get there. I'm fully aware that this type thing comes and goes. It can go more easily than it came.''

He describes Virginia Beach as ``a magical place to grow up. It was one of the few places I lived for more than a year. If it wasn't for the culture and ideas I got there, I never would have gone into acting.''

Ruffalo, the oldest of four children (a brother and two sisters), came to Virginia Beach from Kenosha, Wis., when he was 13. His father was a painting contractor who worked on nuclear submarines.

After Virginia Beach, the family moved to San Diego where there were lots of drugs. ``We had tearing apart and then anger, resentment and frustration.''

He is now close to his brother and two sisters. Both sisters, as well as his mother, are former hairdressers. His sister, Tonya, has moved back to Virginia Beach.

Ruffalo's local acting break came when a classmate broke an arm two weeks before the play ``Runaways'' opened at First Colonial, and he stepped in to play a detective.

He fondly remembers Nancy Curtis, his drama teacher there. ``I was the wrestling champ, but I was in awe of the people in Mrs. Curtis' class. I didn't feel I was as good as anyone there. I didn't want to get up and participate in class exercises.''

Curtis continues to teach drama at First Colonial.

``Mark has a genuineness that is very real. He doesn't hide anything,'' she said. ``He feels on a lot of different levels and is able to articulate all of them on stage. In high school, he initially was more interested in things that interest male adolescents. He had lots of girlfriends. I saw talent in him, but I felt if I pushed him, he might pull in the opposite direction.

``Finally, he came to me and asked if I thought he had any talent for acting. I told him that he definitely did. He seemed so excited about that - as if it was something he hadn't imagined.

``I haven't seen him or hugged him in a long time,'' Curtis said, ``but I'm sure that he remains the same person. I don't think all this will change him. I'm not surprised that he more or less just walked into the Stella Adler acting school and was accepted. He was always wonderful in auditions. He gets right to the heart of the character.''

After high school, college was not an option for Ruffalo.

``For one thing, the family didn't have money. For another, I couldn't see myself in college anyway,'' he said. ``We moved to San Diego and the family fell apart in many ways.''

The turning point in his life came because of a Virginia Beach tragedy. His best friend committed suicide at age 24. Ruffalo came back for the funeral.

``It was such a defining moment in my life. I loved him so much. It was such a needless tragedy. I saw the devastation that it caused to everybody. It made me value my life and my relationships. I knew, from that point, that I had to do something with my life - that I had to pull it together.''

The exclusive Stella Adler Academy of Acting welcomed him. Initially, he drove from San Diego to Los Angeles for the classes.

Eventually work came, mostly in independent films and television. He was in ``Committed'' with Heather Graham, Ang Lee's Civil War Western ``Ride With the Devil,'' and the disco-oriented ``54.'' He wrote and starred in ``The Destiny of Marty Fine'' which was first runner-up at the 1995 Sundance Film Festival. On television, his series debut ``The Beat'' was a flop, despite the fact that it was created by Academy Award winner (``Rain Man'') Barry Levinson.

Kenneth Lonergan, who directed him to a Lucille Lortel Best Actor award off-Broadway, said, ``He's very peculiar and very appealing. He's drawn to playing the sort of person who is very open and simultaneously very distressed.''

Lonergan also cast him as the hippie brother of uptight Laura Linney in ``You Can Count On Me,'' the little independent movie that put him on the map.

He's married to actress Sunrise Coigney, whom he met on the set of ``The Beat,'' and they live near the small village of Callicoon in upstate New York with their 11-month-old son, Keen.

``Up until now, my life has been centered around the theater,'' he said. ``Suddenly, this little boy comes along, and I realize there is another center of the world - someone who really needs me. Keen is my best friend and the center of my life, probably from now on.

``When you move around the way I did and people come and go so much, it means something for me to have this kind of permanency now,'' he said.

But what about two actors in the family? Will the usual rivalry develop?

``The baby is taking up a good portion of my wife's life right now, but I think it's best to be married to another actor. It's a chaotic lifestyle that demands an enormous amount of understanding. At some point, I would be glad to stay at home and take care of the baby so that she can go back to acting.''

So, what did he buy with that first big paycheck?

``My first really substantial check was $30,000. That was a lot of money to me. I bought a little farmhouse in upstate New York. We love to canoe and snowboard. Since then, I've got a larger house in the same area. We have 27 acres of land. I've never had any money until now. I've always lived in other people's houses - people that would let me sleep on the couch so that I could go to auditions. Now, for the first time, I have some permanency.''

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A pretty nice article from Virginia Beach, though be mindful of some inaccuracies, as with any article. :-)

Credit to (and my thanks, always), to that magnificent repository of Ruffalo images, Mark Ruffalo Central, for the lovely photo to accompany the article.

[justanoldsoutherngirl]

Insatiable...or as I like to call it “life in the south”

I watched the Netflix series Insatiable last week. And rewatched it again this week..Ok, maybe not watched...inhaled might be a better word. I have never had Netflix and decided that since my friend, Bill Alverson was the Producer and it had Alyssa Milano in it I really needed to see it. After all, I have always loved Bill’s wicked sense of humor and his flair for the dramatic; and Alyssa, well during my Charmed years I could relate to her, and her relationship with Cole (who hasn’t fallen in love with a very bad boy). And I watched it because there were critiques online saying it was fat shaming...so of course, being a chubby southern girl I decided to see what was up. 

  I started watching the first episode and immediately thought, this is what it would be like if Hairspray, and Pretty in Pink, met up with Desperate Housewives, and then they all meet up with Dark of the Moon, and they all join Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, in THE SOUTH! What’s not to love about it? First, Patty (Fatty Patty played by Debby Ryan, from THE SOUTH) gets in a fight with a drunk guy outside a convenience store after he insults her and tries to take her candy bar. OK...been there done that. Do not get in the way of me and my Peanut Butter Cups or Three Musketeers! I will hit you! And, of course, due to the fight, her jaw is wired shut and of course she loses weight, and of course becomes a hottie. Actually, yeah...this makes sense right? Girls disappear over the summer and sometimes all of a sudden become hotties, usually due to hormones and not having their jaw wired shut. Those of us who never managed to actually have this particularly special summer, well...we were super jealous of those that did! 

In comes Bob Armstrong, a lawyer who does pageant coaching on the side (or who used to. That is another whole story and I won’t ruin the series for you!). But clearly having grown up with Bill, Bob is Bill...and Dallas Roberts (another cast member from THE SOUTH) is PERFECT! You may remember Dallas from Walk the Line as Sam Phillips, or Dallas Buyers Club as David Wayne (as Ron Woodruff’s defense attorney), or in The Walking Dead as Milton Mamet. Frankly, in Insatiable, Dallas reminds me of Bill and a very young John Ritter (drool). 

Bob Armstrong is married to Coralee Huggens-Armstrong played by Alyssa Milano (who has too many films/shows to mention!) and while not from the south has a great southern accent (Brooklyn, the coastal south...not too far away really due to the drawl and the non-rhoticity!). Coralee is the epitome of the white-trash southern trailer park girl gone gorgeous/wealthy and trying to become a member of the Junior League. Growing up in the south there were quite a few of those. 

As a former member of a Junior League (yep...it is pretty funny to realize that I was in a Junior League and have the paper to prove it!), I will never forget a member insulting me and saying that I shouldn’t be in there (she was later charged with embezzlement). A dear friend told her, “well...you gotta remember her momma and her aunt were in it, and her aunt was the President. So she stays!” 

I digress...the fat shaming is at the very least, low on the priority list in Insatiable. The south has this very dichotomous relationship with food...we insist you eat, eat, eat...think Jewish mother stereotype, and then at the same time try to get you, especially as a female, to maintain your weight and appearance. I don’t feel like it is fat shaming, it is the south. Hell, we are brutal on people who are too skinny too! In other words, we can be equal opportunity offenders of pretty much anyone or anything. To me Insatiable actually brings all of these offenses out and puts them on display!

Such also is the whole religion crazy Miss Magic Jesus Pageant...reminiscent of a scene in Drop Dead Gorgeous with Denise Richards, dancing with a Jesus Crucifix statue singing, Can’t take my eyes off of you. Oh and let’s just say that DDG was highly acclaimed during its debut!

  Clearly some are getting that this is a pure campy fun time! Daniel Schroeder recently wrote a piece on Slate “What all the critics misunderstand about Netflix’s Insatiable.” [https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/08/insatiable-netflix-review-critics-are-missing-its-camp-sensibility.html]. Lea Palmieri (@littleleap) agrees that the series tells you they are upfront, in the first few minutes and you can decide whether to stream or skip (she suggest streaming!). But, it is also clear that some are stomping on the series without having even watched it. Melissa Barnhart of Christian Post writes, Patty is called into Pastor Mike’s office (Michael Ian Black) with her father…yeah, it is Bob Anderson not her “father,” and Ms. Barnhart also notes the sexual connotations of a song during the Magic Jesus Pageant. Honestly? How is this any different from a “father-daughter” dance or virginity pledge ceremony? Are these also a little too crazy as well? Moreover, as a college professor I would give Ms. Barnhart an “F” for critical analysis of the film simply for not following the story line and understanding the characters!

  And seriously people….for News Busters to comment on Bob’s effeminate behavior is pretty damming and shows their bias/discrimination toward gay men and toward effeminate heterosexual men as well! Bullying? Yeah. Many of us who grew up in the church in the Deep South know that our plays and musicals would totally suck if it weren’t for gay men in the church making sure that the sets were gorgeous, the costumes were appropriate, and the songs were perfected.

  From a sociological standpoint there are numerous other topics covered. Why is no one talking about Dixie (an adopted child)? How Patty manipulates her best friend? Suicide? Oh yes…so many people were so angry over 13 Reasons Why instead of actually having conversations about suicide prevention. Coming out? Another reason why this show is terrific! Characters are coming out and embracing who they are…Nonnie, Bob, and the other Bob. In a way, even Coralee comes out, as white-trash…hello? Yeah…someone will be pissed I used the term white-trash. Whatever! Bullying? Revenge? Absolutely! Who hasn’t wanted to get revenge on people who made our lives miserable? And, sometimes we actually have a chance and we don’t take it because of social norm expectations! But, sometimes we do, “Bless her heart.”

  This show is about life_ real life_ very messy, funny, crazy, presentation of life. I am also reminded of Goffman’s dramaturgical theory, of Berger & Luckmann’s Social Construction of Reality, as well as the Aristotelian mimesis of art imitates life, and Oscar Wilde’s anti-mimesis of “life imitating art more than art imitating life.” Insatiable does a much better job at real life than soap operas (like Luke and Laura were living a real existence?). 

You go Lauren Gussis for making the characters come to life...all of them. BULLYING HAS CONSEQUENCES and I truly believe this show brings that out in one of the funniest ways possible. Revenge is sweet...well sometimes it is sweet. And one friend told me “after I heard Patty say, ‘screw those bitches’ I was HOOKED!” Nice Deep South Southern Girl who goes to church agrees...and is hooked!

  Critique it if you must, but you are missing life_ real life_ in all of its messiness. As my friend Paul Odom and I agree, we saw a lot of real life intertwined within the series, and recognized storylines that could parallel within our own growing up in the Deep South in a small town in junior high and high school.

  #IheartInsatiable #reallifeismessy #growingupintheDeepSouth #highschoolangst #sociologythemesinNetflix #cantwaitforInsatiableSeason2

[psychotherapyconsultants]

5 Fresh Ideas for Keeping Narcissists Out of Your Life

“Never again.” That’s what you said when you left your last narcissist.

After swearing you’d never fall in love with another narcissist, you’ve fallen head-over-heels in love with one… again. The pattern has repeated itself. Your new guy isn’t different. Not really. He’s just another charming, charismatic, abusive, control-freak narcissist.

Many psychologists say that codependents like us can walk into a room and instantly have amazing chemistry with the most wounded, most screwed up, most abusive guy in the room. No one seems to know why or how it happens. But it does! You know it does. You’ve experienced it and so have I.

That’s why “love at first sight” scares me sh*tless. For those of us who’ve been abused, “love at first sight” isn’t sexy, it’s scary.

But why? Because it feels like home.

“When he cried on my shoulder the night we met, it felt like home,” she said. And that should’ve been her first clue to run like Hell. Because his victim-playing felt “normal.” His dysfunctional narcissism and her dysfunctional co-dependence made for a marriage made in, well… somewhere.

One hundred percent of my friends who have married narcissists realize in hindsight that one or both of their parents were narcissists. They were basically set-up to repeat the pattern. To go for the neediest, abusive guy in the room and fall head over heels for him because it felt normal. It felt like home.

You Might Not Even Know if You’re in Love With a Narcissist

And being raised in a narcissistic home gives you a very high pain threshold. You learn how to swallow insults, smile and let the pain roll off like water off a duck’s back. You’re scarcely even aware that you’ve been insulted, disrespected, wounded.

After years and years of this, you don’t even know what is or is not acceptable treatment. Was it a loving tease or cruelty couched in humor? Was it really constructive criticism or cult-like mind control? Was it really concern for our safety or gaslighting to hold us hostage? We just don’t know. We’ve never known. Narcissistic abuse is our “normal.”

Once you get free of a narcissist, you never go back. Never! At least, not knowingly. But many of my friends have been in romantic relationships with multiple narcissists. Most have divorced at least one narcissistic husband, if not two or three.

They despair of ever having another romantic relationship. Lifelong solitude is less scary than repeating the cycle. And yet, the desire for love and romance burns strong.

So what to do? Is it possible to find, fall in love and marry a non-narcissist when all you’ve ever known are narcissists? Here’s how not to marry a narcissist.

1. Beware of Chemistry.

If you have spine-tingling, knee-weakening chemistry with a guy, run like hell. I’m serious. For those of us who’ve been wounded by narcissists and know exactly how to handle them, the pull of abusive men is strong. Irresistible. It’s crazy, but it’s true.

For me, there’s nothing quite as attractive as a middle-aged alcoholic. So if you’re looking for true, non-abusive, long-lasting love, ignore that damn chemistry. Instead, find someone who feels “different.”

2. Go for the Guy Who Feels “Different.”

Having just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary, I often wonder why and how our marriage has worked so well. When we said our “I do’s,” I knew nothing about narcissism. By any yardstick, I was a sitting duck to marry a narcissist.

But I did know one thing: My husband, Michael, felt different than my family of origin. Way different.

He was calm. They were like cats on a hot tin roof.

He was peaceful. They were angry.

He was non-judgmental. They were oh so judgmental.

He was easy-going. They had their fingers in all aspects of my life.

He was kind. They were always accusing, lecturing, controlling.

He felt different. I liked it.

The Heartbreaking Reality of Being Married to a Narcissist

3. Find Someone Who Goes Against the Grain.

The “differentness” that made me fall for Michael also gave me a colossal guilt complex. I knew this guy marched to the beat of his own drum. He wasn’t going to meekly “fall in line” with my oppressive, cult-like family. He wasn’t going to knuckle under to the family patriarch. He wasn’t going to change.

We married very quickly, despite my family’s hesitant approval and eloquent misgivings. And like the chronic co-dependent I am, I spent the next year telling my family what a wonderful husband Michael was. How kind he was to me. Trying to convince them I’d made the right decision (without their help!) and retroactively trying win their blessing.

4. Be With Someone Who Doesn’t Criticize You.

I said that Michael was kind to me. Frankly, it freaked me out! He didn’t mess with me. He didn’t screw with me. He didn’t indulge in constructive criticism “for my good.” He didn’t have an opinion on my hair, makeup, clothes. Didn’t give a sh*t about my piercings. Didn’t care where I went and demand that I “check in” constantly by calling or texting. Nothing.

And it freaked me out until I realized that narcissists screw with other people. They call it “love.” It’s not. It’s abuse. Michael never screwed with me. He left me the hell alone. This was a different, confusing kind of hands-off love. I liked it.

5. Find Solace in Another Victim.

Perhaps the biggest reason our married-in-haste marriage has worked out so well is that we both came from abusive homes. Now, in many cases, that would be the recipe for a disastrous marriage. If the parties haven’t faced up to the abuse they suffered and worked through the pain and anger, yeah, it’s not gonna go so well. If the parties haven’t decided to never perpetuate the abuse… yikes!

But on the other hand, if the parties are a little bit savvy, there’s no reason two abuse survivors can’t get along like a house fire. I mean, it makes sense! They’ll understand each other’s abuse-caused idiosyncrasies, sensitivities, and defenses. Best of all, they’ll have empathy for each other’s suffering and recovery process.

That’s what makes our marriage work so well. We can put ourselves in each other’s emotional shoes. With a little application of memory and imagination, we have empathy for each other. When one is weak and grieving, the other is strong and compassionate. When I get “stuck” and plateaued in recovery, Michael gives excellent advice. He supports me in therapy. I introduce him to new concepts I’ve learned.

Of course, we have to keep a close eye on ourselves. Years before we met, we both resolved to never say or do the abusive things that were said and done to us. We guard each other’s hearts against pain. Yeah, maybe we’re a little co-dependent.

Most importantly, we hold on to each other no matter what. We hold on through my husband’s health problems. We hold on through my emotional pain. We hold on as friends come and go. Even when we get frustrated by a (rare) failure in communication, we hold on to each other, hug it out and work through it together.

Just because you’ve had one, two, three or more disastrous relationships with narcissists, true love is still out there. You may be wounded. They may be wounded. But you’ll be strong together.

The most important thing about understanding how not to marry a narcissist is realizing that true love is out there, just waiting. Waiting for you to find it. I should know. I was there.

This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: How NOT To Marry A Narcissistic Asshole.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/09/21/5-fresh-ideas-for-keeping-narcissists-out-of-your-life/