#i understand that we're all having a hard time commuting now

[orangerainforest]

NO TO PUV PHASEOUT !

[kimmkitsuragi]

the thing that my brain cannot comprehend right now (positive) is like

i leave the house at 8.30 for my 9 class which is crazy insane to me already. and then we do the classes etc but then! the classes are pretty interactive so i actually do the learning in class time most of the time (shocking!!!!) and THEN there are some classes that are just for consolidation which means we just work on our assignments as a group and then the instructor is there to help when necessary (which means i can actually work on assignments IN class time as well. crazy!!!!) and THEN classes usually end at like 3 or something. wow. then i can just hang around the study rooms doing more studying/homework/other important stuff for a few more hours (which is crazy bc my body and soul isn't dead after a school day !!!????!!) and THEN i can go and attend an activity like film screening or boardgame night or whatever at 5pm AND i can still be at home by like 7.30???? what????? and it's 9pm rn and after everything im done w dinner and talking w my family and stuff and now i have like . time ? still ? and i don't even have to study or work on class stuff bc i already did that in school time???? what is this crazy alternative universe.

and i know it's not gonna be like this all day every day but STILL . what. what do u mean i don't waste 3+ hours on commute . what do u mean i don't feel completely dead after classes which end at like 5.40 instead of 3.. what do u meannn i don't Have to study so hard to catch up with my 6 classes all the time bc i have only 2 classes???? what the hell. and i mean sure there will be busy days/weeks definitely but HOLY SHIT we just had a couple of assignments so far and now we're working on a group assignment and after this, we will have one more Big group assignment and that's it.? like? i wanna cry this cant be real . wow. and the worst part is these people don't even know how good they have it (in terms of this + so many other things) (u literally cannot explain this to them. they can't truly understand)

[worryingthing]

I got a 9 to 5 (well, 8 to 6 with commute) and I've been struggling with the overall change. It's hard to stay positive in this current climate, and I feel like I am going insane every time I glance at social media or the news. But I guess having a gig means I'm busy, or at least occupied, which is helpful as much as I resent it. Life in Queens is great but everything does still feel a little foreign and far off. The weather being so dramatic has not helped either, I am very unhappy about having to pull out my tights and sift through which pairs have holes or can still be worn (70% had holes and Uniqlo stopped making their heat tech tights in Navy - guess I'll die, etc).

Anyway, I can feel my spirit being worn down by office lighting, small talk, k cups, how absolutely shitty the R train is, and people having speakerphone conversations on the bus and train at 8 a.m. All of it. So I wanted to return to a practice of gratitude to remind me to maybe stave off a little despair. I was really enjoying my tarot pulls when my life had a lot more uncertainty (does he like me? turns out, yes!! Will I ever get a job? Yeah, but now it's my whole life and I am always tired) Anyway in an act of anger at me for being gone from my home for most of the day now, Leelou (one of my cats) threw up on my tarot deck! A card or two is worse for the wear and I haven't decided if I am going to replace it or try to keep working with it just yet.

anyway!

I found a good smash burger in the neighborhood!! Petey's. It's perfect. The relief I feel at having discovered this is immense.

also food (I'm a Taurus?!) but I went to King of Falafel after hopping off the 30th ave stop. Sam had pointed it out to me when we walked to the train and it had a 15-minute wait so we walked a little further and he pointed out some things I hadn't seen since I live off a different stop. The falafel was probably the best I've ever had and it was beautiful to stand in a Palestinian restaurant so proud of its heritage. There was a wait for pita so I waited and was rewarded with a bonus piece, which was so warm and fluffy and heavenly to tear into on my walk back home. I will definitely be going back.

Access Oasis Garden, which my friend Kate founded. Right now we're focused on showing the Parks department and community that we're committed as a group so on Saturday I got to be a part of some bulb planting. To put something in the ground as a gift for future enjoyment is so rewarding, and signifies a deep hope, I feel. I am so astounded by how quickly things have moved and I can't wait to see it grow further. I also got to make some new friends, who ended up coming to the soup event at the beer hall after the planting was done. It was a really beautiful day of community!

Good hugs from friends! getting to share in the joy of a friend's good news.

Sam, who is so understanding and gentle and thoughtful. I'm still like, wait what, is this real? It turns out I am all about clear communication and intent! It's great!

Becoming emboldened re: work snacks, speaking of it is almost time for me to sneak some hummus at my desk. Sometimes on my lunch, I browse the dollar store candy section just to amuse myself, which is how I ended up with a desk drawer full of tootsie rolls.

Radio.Garden. I do sometimes browse the map endlessly, and I love to visit the station websites! I have found a few stations that originated as in-hospital or nursing home stations but graduated to internet broadcasts. Many stations I stumble upon are community-founded, which I love to see because I find the idea of radio of course extremely romantic, but also hopeful. It is also a perfect tool if you're not sure what you want to listen to - which happens to me a lot as someone who experiences intense decision paralysis. There's a station on the west coast of France that plays classical before lunch and jazz after. I began my work morning with AshiyaRadio, a Japanese jazz station.

for some reason, my rosacea goes nuts at work (I turn pink when dehydrated) but I bought this mini Tower 28 rescue spray and it seems to help a little, plus I like how refreshing it feels. Let me just anoint my visage real quick in this office hell space, etc

Tears of the Kingdom - which is soooo immense it's overwhelming but I have been enjoying dropping in and trying to further along my journey with various side quests. It's a perfect game to just meander around in, every last detail is stunning. I should remind myself I can take my switch on my work commute!!

Seemingly breezing through a lot of big changes with minimal anxiety?? I have been complaining a lot about how exhausted I've been but it's my fourth week and I had to learn/memorize A LOT the first two, so now it's slightly more routine and less overwhelming. I had one crying meltdown during the height of my period and missed a group of friends out, but I am pretty sure I needed that cry and it was unavoidable.

I know what's for dinner (the relief!): the half package of pumpkin ravioli I splurged on from the store and half a head of broccoli. I finish both in sage brown butter, toasted breadcrumbs, parmesan, and lemon. Still have to figure out a work lunch, though ):

Sometimes it's really hard to tell if these sorts of things are even worth posting or just too navel-gazy, but I stuck with it and I'm posting and my outlook on life does feel improved, surprisingly. I'm also not in talk therapy because how can that even happen with my new schedule? So writing it out it is.

[tordenvejr]

Hello Vic, I hope you’re doing well.

I failed one of the subjects this semester. I have near perfect scores in all other. I generally struggle a lot with depression and motivation. So especially bcs of this, and because Ive always procrastinated, I left everything for the last few days and I just couldn’t keep up with this subject’s material.

How do I not let this affect me? Mind you, I started this semester with motivation, which was a rare thing in my life, I am afraid I won’t be like that anymore & while realizing that I was failing I was thinking about all the work I did during the semester, even getting dressed up and leaving home, commuting to university took insane amount of energy from me… and it seems like I did all of that for nothing (I was hoping for a stipend, if you have average score of 95+ you have a chance to get it)

Now, this isn’t the first time Ive failed. But last time I sort of decided mid semester that at that time there was no way I was going the pass this one particular subject, so i was ok with that. But I wanted to do better this semester. My family was rooting for me during this exam season and now i feel like im not a god student. How do I break this info to them… How do I let this not effect my confidence?

you let it affect you, and you recognize that it's okay that it affects you. we're conditioned to wrap up our value > our deserving for love/belonging in how much we can achieve/produce/conform to the systems set in place that were never meant to be accessible or beneficial to everyone in the first place. it's okay to feel pressured, and to feel bad about not meeting that pressure in the way you're told to. allow whatever feelings come up to have space, whether it be sadness, shame or exhaustion , etc. those feelings are natural.

examine whether there may also be an abstract sense of rejection from your studies/place of study in terms of not passing, that might trigger an urge to give up, leave, isolate?

i would return to your why of the matter, why do you want to study > pass > what do you want to do? and making sure that that why is grounded in something that is nourishing for your well-being. does the why inspire joy? not just in concept, but in practicality?

if it is something you wholeheartedly want, you can consider implementing the pomodoro method as that can be helpful with procrastination and time management for those of us that are neurodivergent. you get the sense of a deadline so you can get things done and you know how long you'll be focusing which makes it more manageable and less overwhelming.

what does it mean to be a good student to you? because i think for many it means disregarding personal needs and ignoring factors that may be challenging us. compassion is reserved for those that reach the finish line only, being a good student becomes this thing of acceptance and respect being available exclusively when we conform as well or better than possible. which often means enduring methods of achieving that are damaging to us. results become more important than the individual.

i don't know your family dynamic so it's hard for me to know exactly how it would be least stressful for you to let them know. you may want to do it over text so you're spared their initial reaction of their own projected worries and insecurities. or you may want to let them know "i have to talk to you about something difficult, and i'm asking you to show up with understanding because i need that." and have the talk over tea, or you can lead with being your own advocate ie "i've worked hard, i've been committed, but i didn't pass this thing and i'm struggling with that. could you help motivate me or help me be nice to myself about it?" it all depends on the dynamics.

i wish you much self compassion 💛

[notesfortherapy]

Trying to figure out this whole forgiveness thing is interesting.

The first thing I went to is that its hard because I dont know the reason she's been such a dick to me. Ive tried to concoct all sorts of reasons and they all just make me angrier than the next because to me they seem stupid.

So as I sat in my car on my commute I thought about how maybe the things my friends told me about why she never got back in touch (she's busy, we're all having a tough time right now) might have been the truth. The first response was anger and scoffing, because that cant possibly be true.

In the midst of a pandemic and working and caring for sick parents I was running regular hangouts for them, checking in with them, organising a social life for them until they all started to go back out into the world, bailing on me when I still had to isolate, and then one of them threw a tantrum that I hadnt rescheduled when they thought I would (because they made in person plans at the last minute) and I washed my hands of it. And still I stayed friends and supported them all, I just stopped running hangouts.

So how could my friend simply not talk to me, not have a conversation to set things straight with me because of being busy and having a bad time when I could do all of that? That's ridiculous. That would mean...

The thought that came into my head was "theyre not as strong as I am". And it made me cry. It sounds like a boast, but every time I think about how my core trait has shifted from loyalty to strength this past 5 years I cry. I dont see my strength as a virtue, I see it as a scar. Its a thing Ive had to be through caring and chronic pain and emotional abuse, while being completely unsupported by the friendships I thought would last me a life time.

A friend (separate from this group) who's recently had to care for a parent for a short period apologiesed to me recently that she wasnt in touch more during that period of my life and I told her I never expected it of her. It was easy to forgive because Id never been angered by her lack of understanding.

And yet I couldnt even consider the same for the friend who cut me out of her life after I called her out in shitty behaviour. Maybe because i felt like we were closer...so expected more. Or maybe because I just expected...idk, a conversation? Words to come out of her mouth to explain what Id done that had been so bad. Somehow though...realising that expectation was wrong, broke it. And I cried.

I need friends in my life who will talk to me and have a conversation when there's a problem. I thought that was an obvious thing, I thought that was a reasonable expectation. What should have been a voiced boundary, turned into an emotional lashing out. When she refused to talk to me after 6 months, I removed her from my social media. I think I hoped at that point she'd reach out, but she didnt. And I never really accepted that as her choice because in my head it was the wrong one. It was the stupid choice.

Now I see that I dont know her reasons for making that choice. And they could be complicated or they could be as simple as leaving it until it felt like she couldnt talk to me. Either way its incredibly sad that she never reached back out to me. That its felt for 3 years like she was making the wrong choice over and over. But I had a part to play in that choice too.

And now I see it should be a boundary. Something that I make clear to people. If you cannot communicate appropriately, then I will leave. I did the right thing in a way. I tried to protect myself. But because it had no rules to it, was just a reaction, I left the door open in the process. I hurt myself.

Im still angry and I dont want to be, but, I can forgive her for things that were not her fault. And I can forgive myself for not knowing any better at the time.

[steamishot]

mindset shift

i've been working to shift my mindset to live in NYC as if i'm not moving away soon. it's really hard to be present when i have one foot out of the door. my old expectation was "we're going to move back in X months", which resulted in a lot of disappointment and internal struggles. i'm trying to turn this into "we're going to be here for another year and anything less than that is a treat". instead of focusing on when we're gonna be in LA or our next travel plans out of the city, we've been doing a lot of activities locally. i even signed myself up for a 6 week pottery class at NY togei that starts end of february. the class costs $495 and is a huge splurge, considering i've never paid for any "fun" multi-week classes my whole life. this is really a dream come true for me. that means i have to sit my ass down and not go anywhere! if this class goes well, i might even consider signing up for the intermediate class.

on top of pottery class, i also tried to sign up for an acrylic painting class. unfortunately, the class is very small (8 people) and it's competitive to get into. i was #26 on the waitlist. the idea of going out into a class with a consistent schedule (or like, having an obligation outside of the apartment that isn't a social plan) is very appealing to me. i'll continue to try to get into acrylic painting.

yoga: matt and i are doing hot yoga even more consistently now. we go at least 1-2x/week. yesterday, when we did a wide legged forward fold, i surprised myself because i was able to place my forearms on the floor for the first time. additionally, i finally did a crow pose for like a second! i normally don't even attempt the crow pose because i assume i'm too weak. but yesterday i was in the flow and damn, i surprised myself haha.

work: my workload has been a little all over the place. i'm doing L's old work, and the work i transferred over to her has returned to me. there has been new payroll and compliance matters. we have V joining our team next week. V previously worked in our department and i've met her before on occasions - i remember her to be nice and easy to work with. from my understanding, V will take over L's old duties. i'll still be the youngest person on our team.

week activities: this week, we went to double chicken please (#1 bar in north america currently with taiwanese owners), went to pinos to get dry aged steak, cooked the steak using a reverse sear method for the first time (greatly recommend), completed a 1000+ piece LNY dragon lego set, went to apotheke warehouse, hosted 3 friends for the superbowl. the pro is that i'm happy matt and i are having a lot of fun during his week off. the con is that the extremities of his schedule get to be too much with our studio living situation (it's still either too much time alone or too much together time for me). i felt relieved today when he left for work because i missed having the whole apartment to myself haha

friends: the 3 friends we hosted during the superbowl: R&T, L are all leaving in the next half year. R&T just moved here last september, and T accepted a job in dallas. because his job is a hybrid schedule, he'll be super commuting between dallas and nyc for a few months so that they don't have to break their lease and can have a full year to explore NYC. L is leaving in august to norcal. hopefully, we are leaving as well... so our superbowl party is basically a farewell party for all the people who are leaving the city.

hobbies: i am consistently playing chess with B. i suck a little less now. she used to beat me all the time and i think my score went down to the 400s. now i'm back up to 800s and i'm at a 7W/8L scoring with her. i'm on a 63 day streak learning chinese on duolingo.

relationship: this past year has been pretty challenging to navigate due to expectations (of lifestyle, health, job searching, moving back home) and transitioning to an attending job for matt. residency really felt like he was living under a rock and in constant survival mode. the first year of attendinghood still felt like an extended residency because it was super time/energy consuming, which was against my expectations and disappointing. in fact, he had worked longer weeks (>100 hours) than he ever had during residency. i had a lot of doubts about our future because life was "supposed" to be SO much better after training and it just... wasn't. from his training, he had developed GAD and disordered eating. 1.5 years later, matt's getting the hang of the job and worrying less outside of work. he works 80 hours or less per week now. he's continuing to adopt healthier habits outside of work - eating better, exercising more, taking care of his health. he's at 10 months of doing therapy now which has been invaluable. happy to report that he's really taken over the househusband duties during his weeks off. this frees up mental capacity for me to think of how i can grow my income.

[spaghettiremix-blog]

Another Story Duo in Hogwarts

RFA in Hogwarts could be found here

Note: I won't be doing all of Saeran's alter egos but only the egos we see in his route in Another Story so this may or may not containing spoilers! Constant vigilance, everybody!

anyways enjoy reading, my dudes!

—

V / Jihyun Kim

"A Hufflepuff through and through!"

his wand is 10½ inches long, made of willow and has a unicorn's tail hair for it's core

his Patronus is a Borzoi

his favorite and best subject is Herbology and you can't change my mind

he doesn't find any of Hogwarts' subjects too blandish or boring or insanely mentally scarring so he doesn't really have a subject that he dislikes although, the terms with Dolores Umbridge and Gilderoy Lockhart were rather unpleasant memories

his grades aren't as extraordinary like Jaehee's but his never ending politeness makes up for it

he doesn't know how to play Quidditch because he's like, half-blind so he settles for watching the players playing it instead

but he would make a good Chaser though

but then again, he's terrible with flying the broomstick so;;;

he can understand Parseltongue but only to a certain degree

he has a talent for non-verbal spell casting

potions-making makes him uneasy

heck, potions in general makes him uneasy

he barely leaves the Hufflepuff Common Room, but if he does though, you can usually find him with Jumin (and Elizabeth 3rd) hanging out in the library or in one of the Hogwarts Greenhouses

Apparation is a blessing to him

probably has Metamorphmagi blood in him

this dork loves to collect the magical cards that comes inside the chocolate frogs he has over seven hundred by now and he doesn't plan on giving them away

a Half-Blood but Jumin doesn't even care :)

Ray

"...he is better off in Hufflepuff!"

Hufflepuff's Golden Boy

his wand is 11 inches, made of hornbeam and has a dragon's hearstring as a core

his Patronus is a seal because as though as they may be percieved as adorable and cuddly in actuality, these mostly amphibious animals can be vicious, carnivorous predators

he plays Seeker on the Hufflepuff Quidditch Team

and he shall destroy you

affectionately

his favorite subject is Herbology and he's Professor Sprout's favorite student I'm so sorry Jihyun;;; but Potions comes in second place though

he finds Muggle Studies interesting but he doesn't really act to actually learn it

he somehow manages to sucks at Defense Against the Dark Arts and he hates it

he's actually very skilled in Alchemy so I guess that makes up for it

tries to learn Occlumency and he never bothered to learn it again because it hurts :(

non-verbal spell casting isn't really his thing but he tries

he can't find the heart to eat the chocolate frogs and collect the cards that are hidden inside so he settles for No-Melt Ice Cream instead and it's not really a bad investment

same as his brother, he's a Pureblood but Rika someone managed to thoroughly convince him that he's Muggleborn wizard

Unknown

"Welcome to Slytherin!"

his wand is 14 inches long, made of holly and has a dragon's heartstring as a core

his Patronus resembles a hippogriff, although it's non-corporeal, hinting that his past didn't really have any major positive outcomes that was strong enough to make his Patronus clearly defined

he plays as Beater for the Slytherin Quidditch Team

is it a foul to knock your own teammates with a bludger?

probably endures over 20+ penalties in every game he's in and it drives Snape absolutely insane

note: he still manages to become Captain;;;

although he's too much of a dick to admit that he has a favorite subject, he really likes Transfiguration

maybe it's because that he can just turn you into a teacup in just a just flicker of his wand, just in case you become too "annoyingly pretty stupid" in his eyes—which is a lot (he never actually does it though)

he doesn't bother to attend Defense Against the Dark Arts (nor Divination nor Herbology nor Care of Magical Creatures) since he thinks it's a pretty useless subject

"Why in Merlin's fuck do we need DADA for anyways? We're gonna be hexing, jinxing and cursing our way into battle anyways so might as well skip the bullshit and just learn Dark Arts instead."

he only ever attended DADA during "Mad Eye Moody"'s term with them

again, he's not really good at non-verbal spell casting, neither at Occulumency nor Legilimency but he's good at hexing people

he once tried to hex Saeyoung with a Instant Scalping Hex but it somehow manages to hit Zen instead

many cried that day

he prefers Chocolate Skeletons than Chocolate Frogs ("I'm telling you, my dear toy. The reason why they're so popular is because of these damn wizarding cards.") but he secretly brings back a whole box or two of No-Melt Ice Cream whenever you guys get a trip to Hogsmeade

he's proud of being a Pureblood but he's not proud of his family name nor lineage

he constantly disses on the Ministry of Magic

NE!/GE!Saeran Choi

"He belongs in Gryffindor!"

his wand is 12 inches, made of hawthorn and has a unicorn's tail hair as a core

his Patronus is a falcon — a representation that he was once a troubled soul but decided to cast away his old, evil habits to fly down the hard, right path

unlike Unknown's (and possibly even Ray's), Saeran's Patronus is lucid, well-defined and bright

when you asked him what makes it so bright everytime he conjurs it, he replied "Well, you're bright. So that makes sense if each of my memory of you is bright as well."

⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄o⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

damn boi, when did you get so smooth?

plays as Seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch Team

Saeyoung's #1 fan and cheerleader

"WoOooO! There goes my brother, the shining, shimmering, lustrous, luminous, ever glimmering—"

"Mr. Choi, please."

"—AND EVER BLOSSOMING SAERAN CHOI! Now, ladies, I see you make a line towards him everyday but let me break it to you in the most subtle way possible—"

"—the poor boy is haplessly in love with MC."

"Saeyoung!"

whenever his brother speaks on the microphone (or just opens his mouth, in general), he gets an incoming migraine that he mentally prepared himself to repress

he loves him to pieces but Merlin's crocs, there are times where he catches himself wishing for his brother to get eaten by Aragog

he really likes Herbology, and tends to pull a Hermione Granger when it comes to this subject

Defense Against the Dark Arts is also his strong suit

although, somewhere in Lockheart's term with them, he tries so hard not to cast a Sardine Hex on him

he might have not have done it but he still holds a grudge

"That narcissistic buffoon unleashed some Tiny Tumbelinas of Terror as a form of lesson, MC. Tina Tumbelinas of Terror."

he just noped out of DADA when it was Umbridge's term

Gryffindor lost a lot of House points that year

he really likes going to Honeydukes and would probably make it his home if it was allowed

Ambrosius Flume and his wife like him very much and vice versa

"Dear, get the papers! We're adopting this boy!"

he brings a lot of sweets back to Hogwarts every weekend

two full sacks

and a lot of letters get sent to him by Ambrosius' wife nagging him to eat more healthily during the weekdays

he's good at non-verbal spellcasting, although it's kinda get hard to get used to

he's good a Legilimency but he doesn't use it very often — he's working on his Occlumency though (because Saeyoung won't leave him alone sometimes)

Apparition and using of Port Keys make him nauseous so he settles on commuting by broom instead

everyone thinks he's a Metamorphmagus because of his powdered hair

again, he's Pureblood but he doesn't really care because he'll love no matter what blood status you have :)

[chxxlzea]

Character Sketch

The woman in my sketch is my mom, Jeannelyn Pillas. I chose her because she is not just my mother but also my best friend. I clearly remember that when I was in the elementary level, I hated her since if there were school activities, she doesn't show up like my other classmates' moms and dads. I always feel terrible that I don't have a parent to witness me perform on stage, but I'm grateful that my grandma will always be there to do so.

But as I grew older, I eventually realized that there was a reason why my mother didn't show up: she and my dad both worked in Cabuyao, Laguna, and since I was at Luisiana, Laguna at the time, it was challenging for them to commute back and forth. Once I discovered this, I realized that my parents were making a lot of sacrifices in order to make sure that my other siblings and I would have a better life and a better future.

And now that I'm in senior high school and live with my parents, I've witnessed firsthand how hard my parents work. I am in awe of what they have accomplished over the past 20 years to provide for my sisters and me. And for that reason, I'm grateful I have parents who don't get bored working as then I won't get bored studying so that when I graduate, I can be the one to support them and provide them the kind of life where they don't need to work.

In addition, my mother has grown into the closest friend I have because we now share a common understanding of all aspects of life. We occasionally engage in activities together, such as getting our nails and hair done at the salon, visiting the mall when we're bored, dining at the restaurants of our choice, purchasing items from shopee and other online stores, and taking pictures of one another. She has even taken some of my Instagram photos because I taught her how to take good pictures of myself, which makes me chuckle.

I also appreciate her for supporting me, especially when it comes to beauty pageants; sometimes, I say no, but she persuades me that I can do it because she knows that I can; for that, I am grateful. All I can think of is how she is the reason why, as I get older, I have more confidence in myself. I hope that one day when I work as a flight attendant, I can take her abroad and enjoy a pleasant trip with her.

How am I so privileged to have a lovely and hard-working mother who is also both my friend and my enemy? I am confident that my younger self would be delighted with me since I now get along well with the person she used to dislike as a kid. I immediately recall how emotional I used to get after washing my own laundry in second grade since I had no one to call because my grandma was asleep. Still, I know it is what makes me stronger because I can claim today that I can do things without depending on her.

And finally, all I can say is that I am grateful to my mother for being such a wonderful person because, without her presence and guidance, I would not be the person I am today. Although she may have found it challenging to raise me because she always refers to me as a brat, I believe the brat no longer exists because she is now an adult woman. Mothers are all Heroes and they deserve the world, so we should cherish them and strive to be good daughters of them.

[emveepea]

So some major changes happened at my workplace over the past week. Our shift schedules all changed, and as a result, I transferred from the night shift to the morning shift bc I wouldn't be able to physically handle staying late into the evening. So I've just survived my first week with the new schedule and there are some pros but also cons.

The pros:

I'm handling the really early start time well I think considering my bedtime moved up from 9am to 3am. I'm incredibly exhausted on the drive home but my commute is actually way better compared to before. And I see my husband during the day and can actually have a conversation with him before I pass out around 7pm!

The cons are:

I really miss my old team. We worked incredibly well together. We looked out for each other and worked so hard to make things easier and smoother all around. They care so much about the work we do and what it means. And they were goofball nerds like me. They're my people <3

So I'm a little let down coming to a shift where only half the people care and carry their weight on the team, and one of those people is our interm supervisor who can't work with the team as directly as they'd like bc of the added new responsibilities. As a result, the work is sloppy, and I'm finding I have to watch everyone like a hawk and work behind them to make sure things are done correctly without seeming like an anal attention seeking asshole. I can't really fault the one trainee tho bc they do pick up on things super fast and it's to be expected they'll forget something when there's a lot of little details we have to remember to do and document. They have a similar background to me actually and it's refreshing talking to them about science, so I'm trying to be as positive and encouraging as possible.

The other half of the team is either apathetic or actively trying to not do work or do it well to the point where they can blame the rest of us and throw us under the bus to make themselves look better.

On top of having to watch my back now and work behind everyone to see we're doing everything correctly, I have a minor injury that's plaguing me. I slammed my hand into a table last Thursday, and it didn't hurt at all until two days later. It didn't start swelling until yesterday. I don't know exactly what's wrong, and I'm hoping it either clears up on its own or it at least doesn't get worse until I can see my doctor at my appt next week. But I can't straighten out my middle finger without dull pain, and I don't have my full grip strength, so it makes tightening, pulling, or lifting things with that hand harder.

So overall, I'm still conflicted and honestly kind of numb about how to feel about all these changes and challenges. Like, it feels sort of surreal. Some things I was nervous about didn't happen: I thought everyone in this new shift wouldn't like me or would be rude about the other shifts, especially my old shift, "not pulling their weight." Each shift has different but extra responsibilities like completing and checking certain cleaning and maintenance logs or checking and restocking inventory, and if one shift doesn't get it done, it gets passed on to the next shift. That mentality isn't there, but I wasn't expecting there to be this weird competitive mentality amongst each other, especially from one specific person who keeps loudly talking about unionizing but then does shit so they can blame everyone else. I just don't understand why they do the things they do when it doesn't reflect well on them and the team as a whole and just makes things harder for themselves.

At least with this schedule I can still see and talk with my old team before I head home, which is a breath of fresh air honestly. I've been brutally honest with them about how the new shift is and how I've been actively job searching still, but I'd hate to go and feel like I'm leaving them behind. They've also been honest about looking for other jobs, so at least I know they'll be okay even if I don't get to see them anymore.

I want to give myself about a month to see if this will work out. Ironically, the company wants to see how things look a month from now to see if they need to "course correct" and make further changes, like moving back to the previous schedule. But doing that won't bring back people who've already left and are scheduled to leave soon. And it won't keep me from quitting if things get worse and I can't handle this anymore.

I was hoping that shouting this out into the void of Tumblr would help me work through how complex and overwhelming these changes have been, but I still feel the same. I just hope things don't get worse, but only time will tell.

[dreamdropsystemarchive]

Okay! I'll attempt to do a spell, though I've never tried before.. but I'll try!

Thanks too! It's hard to think that you're not faking sometimes, so it's nice to hear. I don't think y'all are faking either.

Ah yeah, I understand. Sometimes I get intrusive thoughts like that and it's hard to ignore sometimes, but not a full time ideation.. I can't imagine dealing with that full time... But if they don't mind talking about BIID, then I'll be happy to listen!

For real though, there are so many complex emotions that need names. Emotions are so confusing.

I hope you guys are doing better now, or at least alright!

And I'm doing alright! How are you guys?

-🌺

hii we're blurry and thought we should just answer now

=] we hope the best with your spell stuff! we will work on it aswell.

thank you for believing in us. very kind thank you.

yeah definitely its hard really hard. were glac you dont have to deal with that. stay safe. yes we have some alters that deal with BIID some alters might have it byt hasn't let us know cause commutation is hard and some havent talked about it with that stuff In headspace/inner world Andy was created and his legs were amputated. In daydreams and evenually in headspace Shane doesnt have their legs were amputated. Star and Faith's headspace they had the limbs they despise we cant do it all but the gatekeepers are gonna do work to amputate Star's legs and Faith's left arm for in headspace but its super hard to deal with to the people who front a lots. once again we haven't talked about this in a long time which we should but were just getting use to the new alters and deal with commutation but yeah-- we know of Shane, Star and Faith dealing with BIID. we could talk about it more. we can talk more about our experiences about it. anyways how do you deal with it? whats some of your experiences with it?

emotions are confusing!! we get that! its so weird and hard. >.<

were blurry and high and sad but also happy, very stimmy and suppressing our ticks hard cause were listening to music pacing in front family but some slip out really wanna post and draw and write and do so many stuff but were just vibing and posting. were hunting though..but better than being drugged by our mediation all the time

how are you? what are you up to? :] thanks for the ask 🌺 anon. - Blurry

[draftsofcertainties]

July 17, 2021

We had dinner tonight at Tokyo Tokyo. :) We only spent a little more than an hour together today. I missed him soooo much. :----( I feel a little sad that he couldn't stay out late with me because he will be staying in a friend's house overnight, and as courtesy, he has to get there before 9:00PM to avoid being a nuisance. It's also for his convenience so I understand. He and his college friends have a get-together tomorrow, and it's much better for him to stay there instead of going home to Bulacan and commuting again back to Quezon City in the morning.

I love him so much. I'm trying my best not to be the inconsiderate selfish demanding girl I was before. I'm trying my best for him to be able to do things freely and not worry about what I'll feel or think all the time. There are days like this and it's okay. Being mad about him arriving late will only make it hard to enjoy our time together and I don't want that to happen. The little things like this should be easy to forgive, as long as we're trying to be better everyday.

Also, today I got my Axie account. His workmate is creating a network of "scholars" and he invited me to become one. I'm grateful for the opportunity and I really appreciate that he wants me to join his grind too. Axie is an income-generating game that's quite popular now since it's a lucrative non-taxable job with a work-from-home work-whenever-you-want setup. Basically, you just play a game and earn, but it's a strategy game so it's not as easy as I make it sound like. He taught me the basics over dinner, but I'm quite familiar with a few things already since I've watched him play several times. Frankly, I should be focusing on studying for the licensure exams. But I've been a bum since my breakup phase, and having a responsibility this big might help me get back in the mood for actually working my ass out of the bed. The money I'll earn, I'll save up. I'm thinking of suggesting to Edwin to create a joint bank account, but maybe that's too early for now, and it may sound like I'm hoarding both our money only for our future. I'm fully aware of his responsibilities to his family, and I just want us to have a joint account for emergency purposes, in case one of us needs a big sum of money at least we'll have a primary source. I love him and I want to be here for him all the way. He deserves all the good things in the world. :)

[kimcheolwoon]

I was thinking about your 'why are shawols emo' question on the commute from school yesterday, and realized that I picked the right fandom because no matter how sad we are we're still sticking together waiting for ot5 again. Then of course Selene 6.23 came on and the first line stabbed me in the heart and emotions were everywhere ;;

honestly, I’ve been in many fandoms and there’s a reason i still identify as a Shawol, i mean other than the fact that I love SHINee more than breathing. I’ve met some incredible people in this fandom. People who have made me want to improve myself, people who have (and i hate this phrase but it’s fitting i guess) brought me out of my shell and really changed my life for the better. Also SHINee are like some of the best role models??? They are wonderful examples of the rewards you can reap from ambition, determination, self-acceptance, professionalism, proper leadership, and even showing a little vulnerability. It’s their example and their trusting relationship with their fans that birth such a beautiful fandom as Shinee World. Now, i’m not gonna be silly and say we are a perfect fandom because we do have our moments and we have our fans and we have our akgaes, just like every other fandom. But it’s so nice to know that it’s definitely not people and situations we come across frequently. And one thing i love the most is that shawols keep their shit within the fandom. If mess is here with another fandom, it’s 9//10 cause it was brought in by another fandom. I have plenty of examples of this but I wouldn’t dare speak of them here because i like to keep my blog as discourse free as possible. 

But this is getting long when all i really wanted to say is that I love Shawols. I love the Shawols who love ot5, who support every member in all their endeavors, who are here for the long haul. Or maybe, just until their heart tells them it’s time to leave. Though seeing how this fandom is mostly made up of much older fans (like i saw many a grandmother in Japan in full out SHINee gear!) I think they’re a pretty hard group to leave. Being a Shawol, like being apart of any fandom, is just a little bit more than the occasional listen yknow. I mean, not to be problematic or whatever, but I don’t listen to one Got7 song and call myself an ahgase. So when i think of Shawols, i think of fans who are in this for real, who love SHINee and everything they have to offer. And those are the people who i love. Who i run to for comfort and who understand me the most and i like to think we’re a pretty good bunch. 

[houseoftech-blog]

Where we're going, we won't need roads

We’re about to have a kid, and I don’t think she’s ever going to get her driver’s license,” says Scott Kubly, director of the Seattle Department of Transportation. “Based on where we are technologically, there just won’t be a need.” In August, right before Kubly went on paternity leave, his agency released a 48-page report titled “The New Mobility Playbook” (complete with 147 pages of appendices). In it, SDOT presents a comprehensive plan for dealing with a future in which cars autonomously pilot passengers to work right alongside the city’s buses, trains, and taxis.

Seattle isn’t alone in thinking this way. The Boston Consulting Group, which helps Fortune 500 companies—including an undisclosed number of automotive manufacturers—understand business challenges coming down the road, sees a semi- autonomous future unfolding, like, now. “It could start happening in two years,” says BCG partner Justin Rose. And by 2030, according to the firm’s research, half of the residents of the country’s 45 largest cities will have access to self-driving and car-sharing technologies. Great—so then we’re all gonna turn in our keys and never get behind the wheel again, right? “I think there will be a strong group of people for a long time who desire to have cars they can drive,” Rose says.

Indeed, it’s hard to believe that those so devoted to the church of the road will ever release their grip on the steering wheel. Maybe they won’t. But maybe they will stop driving on streets and highways.

Four out of the 10 most innovative ­automotive technologies of the year are ­engineered for drivers wearing helmets rather than business casual. The 2018 Dodge Challenger SRT Demon—which has so much power that it can do wheelies—comes with a peculiar $1 add-on: a crate of performance parts that lets you take the otherwise street-legal monster to the drag strip. Right off the factory floor, the Chevy Colorado ZR2 can tackle some of the roughest off-road environments in the world, including the car-killing ascents of Moab, Utah. Two out of the Ford GT’s five driving modes are meant for use on the track, catering to the $450,000 machine’s club-racing clientele. Our Grand Award Winner, the Alta Motors Redshift MX, isn’t even allowed on public roads. It’s meant for bombing around motocross tracks, big backyards, and single-track woods trails.

Whether industry heavies will admit they envision a future when humans drive vehicles more often for leisure than for commuting, innovation is an excellent proxy for R&D dollars. Automotive companies clearly see their customers looking for driving ­experiences in places a Tesla won’t go.

Mark Dickens, executive director of ­Performance Vehicles at General Motors—he greenlights special vehicles like the Chevy ZR2—sees the trend. “This overland growth is real,” he says, referring to the increase in outdoorsy motorheads who like to take their vehicles on multiday no-road adventures. “That’s the wave that’s coming.”

The off-road boom is loud in the two-wheeled world as well. According to the ­Motorcycle Industry Council, sales of off-highway motorcycles rose 29 percent between 2012 and 2016. By comparison, road-oriented bike sales eked up by just 6 percent during that time. That’s a nearly 400-percent drubbing, and there’s a lot of insider speculation that millennials just don’t love the open highway like their parents did. The open range, however, seems to make their yearning hearts hum.

So yeah, the autonomous revolution is coming. Someday we’ll all read our way to the office in the comfort of our own robo cars. And then, when we Flintstone out of the office at 5 p.m. on a Friday, maybe we’ll all meet at the off-road park—comparing times and reminiscing about the dumb ol’ days, when we were crazy enough to drive on the street alongside other imperfect humans.

This was originally published in the November/December 2017 issue of Popular Science. This way for more from our 30th annual Best of What's New issue. source https://www.popsci.com/autonomous-cars-will-herald-off-roading-revolution#page-2