#i understand that im good at writing i just cannot comprehend that im good at writing

[wizardnuke]

head in hands. i spent two days on that essay. i thought it was bullshit. what do you mean it was the only a in the class. what are you talking about. why.

[mariska]

i am awake (due to. Unfortunate Health Related Circumstances Yesterday Evening. i am fine now i think but was having some very sudden weird flareup of pain symptoms and had to try to get myself to bed so i did not licherally pass out on the floor. mission success at least lol) at 6:30 am and i am currently alone in the living room and letting my morning meditations kick in so i can go brush my teeth and i've got the tv on for background noise/light as per usual when im just kinda sittin down here and like.

maybe its the Crisp Cold New England Winds Of Winter or maybe its the Not Usually Awake This Early Under Circumstances Where I Am Not Rushing To Get Ready For Something And Can Actually Just Contemplate My Thoughts. but something about sitting down here as the sun slowly peeks out from the curtains feeling exhausted and fatigued with cartoons and toy ads playing on tv is really envoking the feeling of being a kid before my public school system forcibly ejected me from completing my standard education because i am disabled (😕) when i still had some kind of slight excitement or anticipation of going somewhere that had other kids my age that i could occasionally hang out with during recess or looking forward to learning from one of the teachers who were kind and compassionate and patient with me instead of cold and dismissive....

like... its not necessarily Nostalgia because school in general was genuinely such a traumatizing experience for me as a disabled kid from a "non-traditional" lesbian family in the early 00's-early 2010's, and the fact that i can even contemplate on any of this stuff this early in the morning is very much because i actually have medication treatment for the adhd i've struggled with my whole life that i did not have until abt 3 yrs ago into my 20's. but. idk. its a bittersweet sort of feeling im not entirely sure how to describe but i havent felt it this strong in so many years?? like its kind of making me tear up right now and i dont fully understand why lol. something about my inner child im sure etc etc. its cuz ur always trying 2 heal that damn inner child (my brain says 2 myself)

[sammygender]

i don’t mind being a they these days. it’s kinda cute. old friend of mine they/themmed me yesterday and it fell off her tongue so fluidly it seemed natural and all the girls around her were doing it. i think that would’ve made me mad, a little, a couple months ago, and it almost did now but i felt like i didn’t emotionally mind it very much. i suppose that enforcing pronouns, for me personally and not for anyone else, to me feels beside the point. i want people to gender me correctly without having to tell them more than maybe one little side comment, i don’t want to have to fight them for acceptance. so she called me a they and i thought does this bother me enough that i want to change it? if she’s seeing me as a ‘they’ fluidly and easily, isn’t that sort of a huge step forward from the ‘she- sorry he’ business of earlier? and there aren’t really many nonbinary people these days, not in my circles. at one point there were a few they/themmers but they’ve all gone back to she/hers at this point; bejng called a they no longer feels like i’m being put into the box they were part of, the way it used to back then; no longer feels like i’m being forcibly degendered and sanitised, the way i felt when i HAD to be a they— a they/them, that parts very important, not someone who used they but A They— because i knew i’d lose everything if i was a he. now i’ve been a he for a year, just a little over a year, and the they feels ok. if anything i cracked a tiny smile. & my mother they/themmed me today in the car when talking about me in the third person; she’s a little transphobic, or not really a little i suppose, in the british, left-wing, generally-queer-supporting-but-undeniably-cishet, victim complex bc she’s been victimised and therefore inability to see women like her as anything other than the ultimate victim, squeamish about surgeries and hormones and change and prone to fear mongering and full of i think partially diagnosed anxiety, transphobe way. i suppose that way isn’t especially normal, but it feels like it is. you know—the logical kind of transphobia! the type where, yeah, of course you support anyone’s right to do whatever, but when it’s Your Kid, and they’re possibly making Irreversible Changes, well that’s just—

anyway; she’s a little transphobic, and she refers to me as her gender-experimenting child, and she mostly uses what she thinks is my chosen name, and still sort of she/hers me, but this time after she she/hers me in the third person she goes ‘oh sorry!’ and stumbles over her words for a second before she starts to they/them. and it feels good; really good.

i suppose the sort of good it feels is- different, though. it’s the good that comes in the absence of distress when you’re so used to distress; not necessarily the good that comes at actual euphoria.

anyway. this is my way of saying that my pronouns aren’t he/they, because people will take that as me being less of a man; which i am not. but theys sort of cute, sometimes; and i like how it pays homage to my quirkier side.

[tac-the-unseen]

JUST READ THE COD GANG REACTING TO READER FALING AN ORGASM SO WHAT IF READER ADMITS THEY NEVER HAD ONE BEFORE?????? LIKE- NEW RELATIONSHIP??????? SORRY FOR CAPS IM ECSTATIC RN BC UR WORK IS SO GOOD🫶🫶🫶🫶🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌

COD characters finding out that Reader's past lover(s) have never given them an Orgasm.

Am I exactly sure what Anon is asking? No, But I will persist.

I'm choosing to write this with the interpretation of Reader never having an orgasm even though they've had sex with others. (The other way I read it was that Reader just flat out never had an orgasm before, and I think that's extremely unrealistic. So we're going with that one) ALSO because of the prompt You and the guys have yet to bump uglies!

Ghost:

•Simon is a little confused "Like...None of them?"

•He takes it very seriously

•He asks you to elaborate a little more. He just wants to know if the other guys sucked (or just didn't in this case) or if you two needed to do something specific in order to please you.

•He understands if you need some kind of accommodations and will ask you what he needs to do

•You and Simon have a long discussion over what you want your first time with him to be like. He makes sure you both have a clear understanding of what's to come (ha).

Soap:

•First thing he says is “Would you like to?”

•He thinks it's a little funny but really sad too

•”Darling, you're too pretty to let subpar men just use you.”

•He immediately wants to show you how it's done and what you've been robbed off

•He asks if he can take you for a “good ol' mustache ride”

Price:

•”Young men are dumb.” He says and takes a drag from his cigar

•”But I guess it's nice to know I have no competition.” He smiles

•He does talk to you about your needs and what he needs to do to meet them properly

•He takes you out on a nice dinner date, goes on a nice walk with you, and end up with his hands wrapped around your waist taking you home

Alejandro:

•Can not stop laughing

•As soon as you tell him he erupts into a fit of giggles. He takes him a full 3 minutes before he calms down enough to hug you and pat you back.

•”You poor thing.” he chuckles and kisses your cheek. “I'll make sure to make up for all their failures, Mi querida.”

•He’ll ask you what they were doing down there the whole time. Which leads to even more laughter when you tell him.

•”But I think I should buy you a nice dinner first.” he winks

Roach:

•Stunned

•Absolutely floored

•”Like never?” He signs. You can see the horror in his eyes

•He’s got his head in hands, contemplating life. He's so concerned for you. He has to take a moment of silence to comprehend the level of incompetence the men in your life must have had.

•When he finally sits up he looks you directly in the eyes and signs “Thank God I'm good with my hands.”

Gaz:

•Slowly turns his head to look at you with his brows furrowed and confusion

•Is too shock to speak

•He gets up to pour himself some Scotch

•”How many times have you had to fake an orgasm?” “8” he proceeds to down the entire drink and pour himself another

•This time he hands it to you “You need this more than me.”

Rudy:

•He gets up and takes a lap around the house

•When he gets back he pulls you into a hug

•”You deserve so much better, Mi Tesoro.”

•Kisses your jaw and runs his hands down your back. “I can give you so much better.” He tells you in-between kisses

•He offers you himself until your properly satisfied, for however long that takes

König:

•”Why do you like incompetent men?”

•He means it in a genuine way, But he accidentally reads you to filth.

•”Why spend your time and affection on someone who cannot please you?” he asks. “I didn't want to seem shallow.” You replied. “Shallow? Liebste, No.”

•He practically scolds you for allowing such men into your life. It's actually the most you've ever heard him speak. Which really tells you how upset he is.

•”You're Lucky I'm here. I will not let such things happen ever again.”

•And fuuuck, he means it

Mace:

•”Other men are filthy animals.” he tells you like it was a normal thing to say

•He gets in close to you and rests his arms on your hips. “Don’t get me wrong, I'm a man whore.” He laughs lightly and kisses you “But you knew that.”

•He asks you for all the funny details and thinks it would make a decent bonding experience.

•He tells you about his less than great sex stories and failures

•”Rest assured sweetheart, I'm a pro at making people scream.”

Thanks for reading <3

(I realize now that I wrote them all in different mindsets of this prompt... Good luck with that, I guess)

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

on the topic of disability, sometimes when Im talking to other disabled people about disability rights and so on, I get this dreadful feeling that's like 'oh, they really do not know how bad it is, huh'. It's one thing to struggle for access to proper diagnosis and medical aid when you *are able to self advocate*, but as soon as some of you come across a person who cannot self advocate, you stop understanding.

my brother has autism, like me. he has ADHD, like me. he cannot write, cannot speak (he is not mute, but he cannot put words together), and needs care 24/7 from experts.

I have had conversations with other disabled people who have called my parents monsters for 'sending him off to be the government's problem' (in reality, he lives in a shared care house with 24 hour professional care, and my parents visit him weekly).

I have had conversations with other disabled people who were shocked that abuse happened at his past care home, and asked 'why don't you just live with him at home?' somehow ignoring the fact that he is a 6 foot tall, physically imposing 25 year old with very few ways to communicate that he is upset beyond physically lashing out.

I have had other disabled people come to me, confused, when I have described how yes, my brother physically attacked me when we were children and gave my parents lasting injuries, but I have never blamed him because he never had another way to express himself, he was on a cocktail of drugs, and he does not have the social reasoning skills to do something like that out of malice. I have had people tell me I am in denial for this truth, and I'm sure some of you will try to tell me the same.

when I talk about disability activism, I don't just mean wheelchair-accessible spaces, better treatment from doctors, and cheaper, easier healthcare. I mean more care facilities funded by the government. I mean more training for staff working with people who have complex disabilities. I mean advocacy and care for people who cannot, and will never, be able to write a plea for help, or voice their opinions in parliament, or ask to go to the toilet.

my brother is one of my favourite people. he has a personality - likes and dislikes, funny expressions and quirks, a silly smile whenever he's up to no good - he understands certain things, but we will never truly know what exactly he can and cant comprehend. he deserves someone on his side. he deserves the same advocacy other disabled people get from our allies.

if you stop caring about disabled people as soon as they stop being a 'full' person in your eyes, you do not care about disabled people.

[thatneoncrisis]

oooh ok feel free to ignore this since it isn't the ask game technically, but how do you feel tamsyn pulls punches with john? where do you think that could improve? i'm curious and i love hearing ur analysis of this stuff

ok so this is just my own personal opinion. but after reading the series like three times ive basically come to the consensus that tamsyn is much more in tune with writing john as kiwi and not as maori

and its not that is completely erased from the text. but you REALLY have to hunt for it as opposed to him being kiwi which is incredibly obvious in the way he talks about his old life in ntn. i dont think i would have even known he was maori if she didnt say gideon was and i was actively looking for it. but she kind of treats characters being indigenous as like a cool fun fact rather than an active part of their identity. and this is related to a much longer and more draining conversation about how race/ethnicity even WORKS in the empire which is set 10000 years in the future. we as a society Right Now cant even agree on what race cleopatra was do you like. get what im saying

anyway what im trying to get at is the empire, designed and run by One Guy, the Only person who remembers earth culture, actively deciding to model its systems of government, religion, military, language and aesthetics after staples of western imperialism (like most of the names are pulled from greek or roman or biblical figures) is one thing. because i understand the books are actively christian, tamsyn is catholic theres like Commentary on those elements. but there is no commentary as to why a polynesian guy would Actively gatekeep his own culture from a world HE made. they are clearly speaking english, gideons name had to be TRANSLATED to kiriona, theres a decent chance shes not even pronouncing it correctly. thats fucking insane. the characters in tlt are living in a cultural genocide by magnitudes that we cannot even comprehend and they cant even like. talk about it they cant THINK about it. the text hasnt given them time to. does he think theyre not worth it? why not? these are questions the text isnt interested in asking let alone answering

even when theres an opportunity for contrast, ie new rho, its all done in broad strokes of vague descriptions of Other cultures. we suffer speaks in accented house. what accent? pyrrha can speak 4 languages including house to varying degrees. what languages? she makes pikelets in the morning this is obviously a very nz/aussie thing, so this wartorn city Also has them theyre just a universal constant. new rho is just kind of described as Apocalypse Desert City, it could look like fucking LA for all i know and nothing would change

tldr tamsyn wrote very good kiwi characters and im obviously talking as someone who isnt kiwi but Is not white but her like aversion or indifference to writing inarguably indigenous characters in a way outside of their physical appearance wrt how it informs their ideals and motivations could be more. just More. this is literally one of the most insanely cruel things john has done and nobody in universe can even call him on it because hes scrubbed all traces of it from existence what if we exploded

[lokilysolbitch]

i never see this talked about so i will be the one to talk about it but writing essays, discussions, or anything with a word count is so difficult it's debilitating when you have autism and untreated irlen syndrome and dissociate. for starters i cant fucking read what im supposed to be responding to unless i can move it to google docs, change the font style, font size, and font color, highlight all the text in a less contrasting color, change the spacing, turn the lights on and hope for the best. and if i get the best, i can't comprehend it bc i was too dissociated that day. okay fine so now im left with a vague understanding of what to write kind of. well now i need to write 1500 words. except the prompt given is vague as hell bc the professor expected fellow allistics to just understand what they meant. except i'm not allistic. so if the prompt is something like what does the dog in the book represent. (don't get me started on not being able to read between the lines bc of autism). maybe the dog represents money. okay. header, title, "the dog represents money". how the fuck am i supposed to add 496 more words to that. you asked a question and i answered it. there's nothing else to say, i'm not supposed to go off topic in a formal paper. so what now

so i stretch it out as much as i can. "there is a dog in this book. the dog is a representation of money. money is an important part of the story." so now it sounds like a child wrote this and it still doesn't meet the word count. so i spend 14 hours switching between trying to write and having a meltdown because "how come i seem to be the only one not getting it?? what do they want me to do????? am i going to fail again???"

eventually i just have to accept feeling like a failure and turn it in, word count unmet. days pass and im still mad that the impossible was asked of me like it was possible and i wasted 14 hours on something i'll get a bad grade on anyway again. i get the grade back and it's somewhere around a 60% to be expected. i read the feedback:

"Good points, just expand some more. i know there's more you can say"

NO THERE IS FUCKING NOT

and the frustration of every essay, every discussion post, every long answer question, from third grade to now accumulates until every essay and every discussion post and every long answer question puts you in a heavy dissociative catatonic state that you have to plan around because you won't be able to move to even go eat. and then after a few years you get sick of that and just give up and just start unmasking

"what does the cat represent in the book? answer in 500 words" the cat represents sleep. submit post. 20%. feedback: you're correct but expand some more

anyways no one i meet ever has essay issues like this but like it cannot be just me. i'm about to start dropping or failing classes because of this

edit: actually i have more to add because if you bring this up to a teacher they look at you with this big pitying eyes and encourage you as if you are some disney movie character who just needs to try harder to overcome their obstacles when you are actually someone with an UNTREATED LEARNING DISABILITY, UNTREATED DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITY, AND AN UNTREATED ACTIVELY WORSENING TRAUMA RESPONSE

[snoopyliker]

okay my thoughts on the ending

i dont have any criticisms really or questions i think im gonna watch fhe revelando tomorrow so everything i’ll leave to say after i watched that

i cannot describe how heart wrenching it was to watch liz and thiago go through that. you just cant comprehend how it is for someone to stay waiting for years and just aging. i just feel so heavily for them because i just know that was agonizing and to see how liz acted afterwards broke me. cellbit definitely knew the right way to go with the writing in that combat because i wouldve accepted some gruesome death but it being mentally tortuous and liz losing so much of her life is another level of devastating.

then theres thiago which i already predicted was going to die the second he sacrificed himself with that symbol but the way everything played out was so fucking sad. he waited so many years for them to not be in the blast zone knowing he’d die. being unable to do or say anything to them. fuck. he loved them so much and died saving their lives. till the very end. he loved them so much.

liz lost her best friend. their dynamic was so important to her character and he really was her rock. and seeing liz without a thiago is. man. liz lost so much. they all lost so much. the ending had the perfect atmosphere of: was any of it worth it? did it even matter in the end? so much loss and so much pain. and it only led to so much more and its horrible and i detest the doctors for what they did to these innocent people and they all died not knowing. they had no way to live or understand. they all just died.

btw im crying while typing this lmao the more i think about it the more devastated i get.

all i can think about is when cesar felt like there was no going back when they were first entering that forest because theres no moment quite was accurate as that one. they were never coming back the way they arrived. they lost so much. it pains me to think about all their happy moments as a team when they played never have i ever and that damn cemetery scene. they were still so happy and together despite having lost so many people. they still had each other. and they lost even that by the end. they were never coming back from this. nothing was ever going to be the same again.

i kept thinking about when verissimo says oh youre team hope now right? and they still are but it felt so empty without thiago. i just thought back to his speech to liz when she wanted to shoot the old guy. saying hope was all they had. and now hes gone

liz’s attitude and fury towards verissimo in the end was just a direct parallel of the last mission when she had lost alex and daniel but now she lost thiago and she lost everyone she had from that mission and now its only her and she lost part of herself as well.

in the end it just felt like loss. only loss. and i know thats intention and fucking good writing but wow. theres no satisfaction in anything that happened.

i want so badly for them to be together again and happy and laughing and they just supported each other so well throughout the mission.

their first group hug and their last

in conclusion um. yeah o segredo na floresta is not for the weak. i honestly considered quitting at two points in my watching of it. its so incredibly sad. props to the players for roleplaying so damn hard and making me fall so in love with their characters and friendship that i wanted so badly for all of them to make it out okay even though i knew they wouldnt. props to cellbit for writing such a great story and building this world. props to the entire ordem team cause holy shit they are the backbone of all of this.

10/10 would rewatch and cry again.

[flyingspicerack]

Inside Job Pt2Ep3 Myc Analysis Pt1

ALRIGHT FUCKERS! AS THE OFFICAL CEO OF MYC ITS TIME i GIVE YOU MY BREAKDOWN ON EP 3 BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL!!!!!

THIS IS GONNA BE A BIGGUN AND PRETTY MUCH A PLAY BY PLAY SO STRAP IN!!!

The way he's clinging to the rope here? Oh so cute. But also! Very telling of how he's able to distribute his weight? Body and tendrils seem much like.... idk squid/octopus like? Also in this scene, all of the insults he throws around <3 He's such a catty little bitch I also love that Gigi is the one he doesn't insult the most through the ep? Like I know everyone is like OMG ANDRE AND MYC are such good 'friends' and all that (yes i am one of those too) but we see in pt1 that Myc and Gigi hang out a fair bit and I like to think he's got like, a respect for her? Idk

The fucking way the little itty bitty orb inside his orb gets smaller when the flashlight from the security guard hits him is so brief but oh so important to me, oh my GOD this little bit of detail has me HGFUIEOHGFOI:SGHJIO

HHHHH OK FIRSTLY! Reagan tells Myc to, and I quote "Spurt on that guy!" And he refers to himself as a soft serve machine that needs to warm up and cannot just jizz on command, which definitely makes sense. He also says for no one to look at him so.... hes shy

SO THAT leads me to believe, that his jiss doesn't actually need to be processed at all to become the stuff they put in the memory erasing guns, so, they can just erase minds... SO what does that mean for sex with humans, as well as that one time Andre licked Myc's flagella on the yacht during the wedding, he didn't get erased.... thoughts thoughts thoughts

REAGAN YELLING AT HIM AND CALLING HIM A WASTE OF SPACE FUCKING HURT ME

OH MY GOD BABY! NO DONT CRY!!!!!!! UAOGH WHAT THE FUCK

Reagan: Okay I was not ready for that" ME NEITHER BITCH????? MYC CRYING????? WHY WOULD HE CRY????

WAS ANISE RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING IN THAT MYC IS ACTUALLY A DWEEB???? UH YEAH?????? IM AS SURPRISED AS YALL ARE

god ok you guys im never gonna stop talking about this, we got so much mushroom lore, we have so much mushroom plot, we have so much MYC LORE AND I AM HERE FOR IT!!!!! AND IM WRITING IT ALL DOWN IN ONE PLACE!! RIGHT HERE!!!

Myc LIED about how old he was prior to this. In Pt1Ep3 we see his RightSwipe profile says 4041 for his age, but this here is his 5000 year reunion, so he's says he's younger than he really is.

He's from "A million year old mushroom hive cluster from the center of the earth" MILLION!!!!!! HES OLDER THAN WE CAN EVEN COMPREHEND

FIRST he apparently lied and said that everyone was jealous of his "huge dong" and he left, THEN JUST IN THIS SCENE, he says that they kicked him out because he was too much of a rebel, AND THEN AT THE END OF HIS RANT he finally comes clean and says that he never went to prom, graduation, AND no one signed his yearbook BECAUSE HE WAS A FUCKING DWEEB THAT LOOKED LIKE THIS:

(yeah honey i'd hate you too)

he was .... a fucking DWEEB! HE WAS A NERD!! THE BRACES?! THE PIMPLES! THE.... somehow.... FACIAL HAIR?? The hat.. yeesh boy ouch

WHEN HE LEFT HE WANTED TO PROVE HE COULD BE SOMEBODY! oH MY LORD!!!! HE CALLS HIMSELF A SINGLE MIDDLE AGED LOSER.... HOW OLD IS HE IF HES MIDDLE AGED IM GOING INSANE OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!

also his name, can we take about the name we have a real full name for him its not Magic Myc, its fucking MYC CELLIUM im going feral here and frothing

This uh.... this makes me..... hes so.... PATHETIC!! He's crying!!! HES FUCKING WHIMPERING AND CRYING AND SNIFLING CAUSE HES SO ASHAMED ABOUT GOING TO HIS REUNION LIKE WHAT THE FUCK HES LITERALLY BABYGIRL I DONT UNDERSTAND???????????????????

why are you so moe? WHY ARE YOU THE CUTEST GUY EVER! HIS GASP! Also like, Reagan, you REALLLY think this dude is never gonna insult you again? I thought you were a super genius? How can you literally be this stupid.

SORTA MUCUS SORTA JIZZ CALLED JUCUS!!!!!!!

I think it is SO AMAZING that the hole down to the mushroom hive is in Oregon, cause like, the worlds biggest mycelium network is under there.... hehe

FRUITY FLAILING ASS BITCH!!

OK If you go to 4:40 and look in the bg, you can see Myc get on the elevator down and he is fucking TREMBLING!! HE is SO nervous!! IM FUCK NGKJENSfewtgfwsg

Myc confirmed leftist, so thats a W but an L for thinking u can ge a nobel prize in podcasting... then again hes a mushroom and doesnt care so he is always a W in my heart

Look how far his flagella can stretch

HOLLOW EARTH! OH ITS SO LOVELY! AND I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT IT

I am very curious to know, if when Myc tells the hive to put a 'psychic metaphor' over the place, is that... only for the characters in the show or is it also for the viewer? It has to be, because we are also human and therefore wouldn't be able to comprehend the societal differences of mushroom dynamics! RIGHT?! SO I will also touch upon things as they happen later with this mindset.

FUCK!! RIGHT HERE!! Myc's asking Reagan if his BREATH smells bad!!!! He touches the top little frills and then puts his tentacle under Reagan's nose!! Does he... His scent glands?? WHAT?? AHHHHH I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS???

... I got one thing to say about stem-mantha... myc sure does love pink bitches .... makes eye contact with anise

LOOK AT HIM ALL.... NERVOUS!

Okay so then... Stem-Mantha asks if Myc was the guy who did puzzles with her parents so she could go have sex... SO, yes, the fucking mushrooms DO fuck each other, AND they have like, parents They dont just grow?? (As seen from Myc wanting to be a mommy in Pt2Ep7)

THEN Myc gets fucking pelted with a goddamn football and we are now included on the information that Myc ran out at graduation before everyone merged consciousnesses and became assimilated. SO It is OH SO interesting to see that each of these mushroom clusters are there OWN individual personalities but THEN they all are joined and have a shared consciousness thats a part of the hive!

Stem-Mantha then asks if the gang are Myc's parole officers, so does that mean that everyone was under the impression he went to like, jail topside after he left hollow earth??

HIS TENDRIL HEART IM FUCKING LOSING IT AHHHHHHH

ALRIGHT!!! FUCKERS FIRSt things first. Yes he wore that stupid fucking "NO FAT CHIX" hat but are we talking about it? NO, well YES, in that he wore it because he was in denail thats it thats the story thank you very much

SECONDLY here is were I'm touching upon the psychic metaphor thing again right here. I am thinking waaaay too deeply about a silly little cartoon and i feel very much like 'charlie pepe silvia meme' right now in idk how meta this whole thing is supposed to be? Like I don't think Myc was actually into dragon ball Z considering it was 5000 years ago and dbz didn't exist then, and we're just supposed to believe dudes was the mushroom equivalent of a little itty bitty pathetic nerd with pimples and acne, right??

but im also crazy coo coo bananas insane in thinkiing how fucking funny would it be if dbz was some kind of true space epic and myc is like, the equivalent of a greek mythology nerd in that hes a little fanboy.

THIRDLY. MY MANS GOT EXTRA STRONG POWERS THAT MAKE HIM EXTRA SENSITIVE?????? HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NURSE

His fucking signature babygirl i loooove you its so cute what the FUCK!! and look at how he carried himself like a fucking .... beanie babie, hes full of beans or whatever, i just love how this fucker carries his weight its so cool to look at wtf

HES NERVOUS AGAIN IM JUST GFJHEL"GSGJ"LG I KNOW ITS NOT IMPORTANT BUT IT IS TO ME

They are SO fucking mean to him. But also this scene, you can see that not everyone is on board with Reagan doing this, like they're all really uncomfortable when she pulls this picture up, and Brett isn't even there

Why is there so much jucus... was he tearing up about getting found out? OH LAWDY I HOPE NOT ILL FUCKING CRY?????

HAHHA SO this post has gotten waaay too long so i think i'm gonna make it two parts, so part 2 will be post assimilation!!! Also because posts can only have 30 images and we at the max babes

[alexandriteobscuraarchive]

((I'm going to keep this succinct because if I say everything I want to say I know I'll just end up feeling frustrated (to put it both kindly and lightly) and I, ultimately, want to go forward on a positive, healthy note. That deserves to be the focus and drive rather than any deep seated frustration or upset.

With the exception of one thread (and the applicable tcol threads that are being moved over to my other blog or have been moved already) I'm going to be dropping all interactions here and permanently archiving this blog.

This probably disappoints some of you but I've dealt with all of this long enough. This blog isn't a safe, healthy or good place for me to be in; in all honesty it hasn't been for over a year now, and no matter what I do to express myself, no matter how I try to accommodate others either ic or ooc, no matter what I offer or suggest, no matter who I speak to or how I reach out it just..... doesn't matter. Despite all efforts on my part I've either been ignored or, worse, sent hate message after hate message for reasons I cannot even begin to comprehend. And that's not fair. That's not fair and it never has been fair and I'm tired. I've put up with all of this for far too long when I could be somewhere better instead, like my new blog, or just..... anywhere else besides here. I hate to say that, I really do, but it's true and I should've realized that sooner and maybe I shouldn't of fought so hard, I don't know.

I'm tired of not being listened to and that includes listening to myself and so I'm going to leave and do what's best for me even if it feels a little 'too late' for comfort.

I will continue to rp on this platform (and maybe that's stupid of me; who knows) but I don't know when I'll be making a new variety blog. Creating a new blog from scratch is an incredibly stressful thing for me and I've already had to do exactly that incredibly recently as everyone here knows but..somehow I'll do it. Somehow. I know I'm going to and I know that I'll be musing pretty much all of the characters featured here (like Danny, my eternal beloved bias, he'll undoubtedly still be the face of the blog lol) and I know that I'd like to see some of you there and that I still want to write with you it just..... can't be here. Not anymore. I don't know when I'll make a new blog but... hopefully it'll be soon. It'll be a completely different url and such, I can tell you that much. I'll also be even more severe about who I follow and who I don't for reasons I..... shouldn't need to go into if anyone has been paying attention.

My inbox is completely disabled and my IMs are disabled as much as they can be so please don't attempt to contact me here. If you want to interact/write with me in the meantime you can find me on my other rp blog @constellationcrowned and if you want to chat ooc, potentially get a link to the new blog whenever I make it, etc, that's what discord is for. If you already have my info that's great and if you don't (and so long as we're mutuals) you can ask me for it privately on the appropriate blog. If I'm slow to respond to people regardless of connection please don't be offended and understand that this is incredibly hard for me to do, process, etc, but it's necessary if I want to not only continue writing but to continue enjoying writing on the whole. I have my tcol blog to help with that, thank fuck, but I still love the muses here and want to write them too.

It was fun while it lasted and I hope to see some of you on my new blog (and if not that's okay too, I understand if there are hard feelings or things you can't reconcile and I won't hold that against anyone) and you know where to find me in the meantime. I'll update this pinned to something more general/concise whenever I have things set up. I hope things go better next time.))

[maehemthemisfit]

I really relate to the ask thing, I never really know how to answer an ask/ if I've answered it well enough (even just normal asks) I really don't know if what I said was good enough or sufficient to the person. (what if they don't like what I say? Or what if it's not an answer they wanted.)

I remember a while back I opened an event and got over 30 asks for it in a matter of days. I somehow managed to do 21 asks but after that I was burned out and deleting the asks felt wrong when I was doing it (some of them were really polite or told me how they really liked my blog) but I was burnt out and mental health came first.

It’s just hard to know what to answer, and similarity to you, it gets overwhelming for me too and subsequently a seemingly large task to complete- I still have my into: the woods event asks to complete…

THANK YOU, IM GLAD IM NOT ALONE !!

I got an ask the other day from an anon saying they love when their asks are answered, shout out to all the bloggers who answer asks and I didn't know how to feel because there's so much more to sending/receiving asks that people don't comprehend just how much goes into it and how difficult it can be

explanation utc

Yes I know how good the feeling is when a creator answers your ask/request and I've been on the receiving end of having many of my asks ignored/unanswered or sometimes i find that my ask was answers (ages afterwards) to the point where i forgot I even sent it, but now as a person who gets them frequently, I now understand the struggle.

I love interactions, especially ones where I don't have to think too much about, just simple hi's and hello's and how was your day type of asks

And then there are those asks that I feel like I have to pour my heart into just to answer it, even if I'm not particularly interested or my brain's just not latching onto the idea. We all have different tastes and I get that. And I feel bad when Im active and receive an ask and I don't immediately respond to it. Sometimes I just wanna chill or I simply don't know how to answer it yet. Then there's asks that are copies of previous ones, like they seen I haven't answered it and sent another one again, just urging me even more to complete something like they've given me deadline... i get that tumblr can mess up the sending process but it really feels like they're slapping something in my face showing that I missed it...

And then there are those asks that are too forward or so excited about you answering I just completely deflate at. I just feel even more pressured.

Even when they put (you can ignore this) I still feel sad about it, like I'm letting them down because of my inability to write a response. And then there's the ones who just make requests and completely disregard my rules in my pinned posts and ask for characters I don't even write for or things I don't write. My people pleaser self is fighting to make everyone happy though.

There's also the other ones that makes me uncomfortable to answer or things that I don't want posted on my blog... I used to get a lot of vent asks or unsettling asks that I didn't exactly agree with and when I tried to respond I didn't like how it turned out or how the message was conveyed, I always try to be mindful about what I post considering the people I know who follow me. I still hope the best for whoever's on the other side of the screen

And then there's the repetitive asks that becomes too much where you can't keep up with (and my fear of deleting them just leads to my downfall). The amount of asks I have in my inbox now and before I started deleting them?? You'd be surprised.

I'm glad people like interacting with my blog but I feel like there's a line of boundaries and expectations people seem to fail to realize. I had to learn the hard way that I couldn't please everyone.

From the anxiety and stress, to managing your life and mental health as well? It's a lot to handle. You never know what op is going through, but I feel people expect the best and more from them no matter what. Even when they're asking for free content.

I had to abandon events before because my health just got in the way or I just became overwhelmed with life and my online presence. It starts to feel more like a task than a passion and then you see all these people asking for things from you but then you get little interactions from the content you put out so now you're wondering if what you're doing is a waste. It's really upsetting. I've made so many friends who's deactivated or has long been inactive because of it and I also had my moments where I thought of getting rid of my blog.

Even when responding to mutuals and their asks, it's a challenge. I just hope they bare with me and my pacing, we're trying our best!!

Shout out to the bloggers who try their hardest!!! That every word you type and convey is worth something, even if it lays unsaid. That it's okay to take a break and prioritize your health first, even if you feel like you're letting other people down!

You're not obligated to do anything you can't. If you're not passionate, or if you're uninterested, stressed, or overwhelmed about something you receive, it's okay to let it go. And if you're under stress from external factors that comes with managing your own personal life and wellbeing, just know it's okay to hit delete and it all becomes to much. It's also alright to delete asks you simply don't want to do. It is your blog and your life and in the end, your decision on how you want to go about answering something.

No matter how simple or complex the ask is. It's okay. We're all doing our best.

As for askers, please respect bloggers and their boundaries and don't get upset if your ask goes unanswered. Just like you we have our own lives and variables that effect us. We can't make everything perfect to your liking or be the perfect creator for everyone. We all have beautiful ideas, likes, dislikes, and interests, so please don't attack anyone for their struggles or how they manage their inbox.

Spread the love and support your bloggers!!! We are all trying our best so please bare with us. I hope we can all understand our limits and come to terms with what we can and cannot achieve

[cas-rolled]

i'm going to try to post this kind of advice as I get going this semester, but im also open to any specific questions you have for certain subjects. im in stem but general classes have given me a pretty good range of experiences, and i do writing tutoring. might not have a good answer regardless though ofc.

one thing i started doing last semester when i had a lot of material to memorize is to record an audio of me going through it, and then i listened to the audio while commuting. it made it easier for me to recall during exams because it was my own voice and way of speaking, which came more naturally than trying to remember the way the textbook or professor communicated the same material. that also forced me to talk through it, which showed me which areas i didn't understand because i would stumble over them or realize i didn't comprehend the words i was saying.

cannot believe i forgot about this but another thing would be that note-taking for each class will probably shift a bit depending on the subject material and class structure. I've done chem classes where I do all the notes by hand and others where I can annotate the powerpoint. I have courses where I type out notes, or just annotate a pdf of the reading, or don't take notes at all. I've learned what learning style works for me with different material and use the first couple weeks of classes to get whatever system seems best set up for each. So, I guess this is more long-term advice, but I'd recommend trying out different styles of note-taking (back it up with audio recording the lecture or being ready to swap if you realize it doesn't work) if you haven't explored that kind of thing yet. also, apologies. this is not my most organized writing.

Is there an un-aesthetic version of studyblr? I don't want to look at your notes and feel inferior, or see you set up your study table in a way that suggests you never experienced a lick of stress. I want real study tips, that teach me how to study. With the ugly notes where they explain a good way to process the information and write it down that isn't just copying the whole book. I want organisation tips, and how to prepare for tests and reread materials in a way that doesn't take a week per chapter.

[betweenthings2]

okay right. it is Fic Ask time 🙂‍↕🙂‍↕🙂‍↕ YAHOO greatest fears, wringing hands, loudest silence here i come. also sorry this is a little late !! if ur birthday was before i sent this then i hope u enjoyed and if its after then i also hope u enjoy !!! ☺️☺️

"I-" Matty chokes on a sob, "I'm gonna do it, George. I think I'm gonna do it."

never write another word again or i fear you may kill me. GOOD GOD. :( <- me atm

"I've heard it doesn't hurt--do you think that's true?" Matty asks. In the background, George can hear the sound of packaging being opened and George knows.

I FEEL SICK. no it is Not true matthew stop pls im gonna start sobbing. george knows :(((

"Sorry," Matty mumbles. "Sorry for botherin' you."

okay well 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i actually forgot how sad this is. i blocked it out the same way womens bodies supposedly do after pregnancy. i am going to SCREAM AND CRY

Matty is quiet for a moment, then he says, "Do you think it'll stain the grout? Will my mum be upset I ruined the tile, do you think?"

ohhhh the way hes more worried about how she'll react instead of worrying about himself:(( my chest hurts pls

"There's so much, G," Matty says, something like awe in his voice. "Do you think my mum will be upset?"

google how do i be normal. i genuinely might just sob. :(( i just can't get over how u managed to get that. like. the sort of innocence to it ??? like hes so out of it he cant understand it properly Ohhhhhh :(((

OH THE LETTER NO NO NO NO NO

You deserve something.

i am going to explode thank you

I don't think I'm meant to make it, G. It's ok, though. It's been good. You made it good, but I'm tired and I'm sad and everything hurts.

there are no words in the english language i could possibly use to describe how this hurt me

I know this is happening to you, not me, not really, not anymore.

YOUR DEATH IT WONT HAPPEN TO YOU IT HAPPENS TO YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR FRIENDS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i just absolutely cannot comprehend how you put so much sadness into this. im going to sob

And then George is ugly crying in the waiting room. It's big, heaving sobs and it's all he can do to get himself outside so he doesn't bother anyone. Dimly, he thinks that this is the worst day of his life, then immediately tells himself off for feeling sorry for himself when he doesn't even know if Matty is still alive and if he is, then he's somewhere alone and hurting and instead of being there for him, George is feeling sorry for himself.

i had to put my phone down after reading this paragraph and go and scream silently at my cat over it. this pain transcends species. :((((((((( the way uve gotten the idea that it just makes everyone feel shit and then they feel bad for feeling shit and just OHHHHH. ☹️☹️☹️

Regardless of the semantics, Matty looks peaceful. His arms are wrapped in gauze from wrist to elbow, there's an IV in the back of his left hand, and he connected to several other machines, but he looks peaceful, like he's getting long neglected rest.

i need this tattooed like you know how some people get ones that go around their arms all the way like a bracelet im gonna do that but ill do it somewhere that can fit this entire paragraph and im gonna show it to every single person i meet. what the fuck. peaceful ohhhhh what if i sob. ive also been seeing a lot of stuff about divine machinery or whatever it is and this made me think of that? just the image of him in a bed with wires all going to him . im going to explode

"I should say that to you," George counters. "You were going to make me listen to you die."

☹️ I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS

"Why couldn't you just let me die?" Matty repeats. "'s not like I'm worth it. I'm not worth it, G. You'll be better without me. You'll all be better without me."

tears in my stupid gay real person fiction painted eyes. u cannot just WRITE THAT oh my GOD. ☹️☹️☹️ they will most definitely not be better without u matty pls :(

"You say that," Matty says, his voice thick, "but you don't mean it. You don't want me around when I can't get out of bed, or when I can't seem to stop talking, or when I loose things and double book myself and forget we had plans and give up on things 'cause they're not interesting anymore, or when I try to control everything, or when I fuck something else up, 'cause I will, or-"

my heart hurts. i just cannot deal with this. im going to be in a hospital bed in a minute Oh this is so :((((((

It takes a while, but eventually, George scrubs the blood from the tile, revealing the stains on the tile and grout. Kneeling there, slightly sweaty from the frenzied scrubbing and on the verge of tears, George remembers Matty's worries about the grout. Suddenly it's so ridiculous that George has to laugh and a bird's eye view of himself pops into his head and he has to laugh harder. When he dissolves into tears he'd tried so hard to fight, he starts scrubbing the floor again, but the stains are stuck, so he gives up. It's only when George is done in the bathroom and he goes to leave that he realizes that there are more boot prints through Matty's room and across the plush cream colored carpeting Denise had put in as soon as Louis wasn't a toddler anymore. George doesn't have it in him to clean that, too.

hey so did you know i actually cannot deal with this. i just cannot. the grrroooouuuuuttttttt :((((((

The third thing is that Matty is retrained.

:(

"Matty's not violent."

MATTYS NOT VIOLENT 😭😭😭 crying into my latte pls omfg. the way he sees him at his best even when its probably wrong IM GONNA CRY

"Still," Matty protests. "I didn't want you to see the mess I made."

my cat got in the way of me reading this and now she has my chin on her back and is 'reading' along with me. maybe i shouldve chosen something happier. character development. anyway i am Losing my fucking mind oh good god

Matty raises his eyebrows, saying, "Who knew that's what it took for you to start yelling?"

matty brings out the best and worst in him and its making me sick. OJ MYCGOD

I was gonna take pills, but it was right there and I've heard it doesn't hurt if you use something sharp enough, so I called you, and I wanted you to be the last person I talked to."

THIS IS NOT OKAY I AM NOT OKAY NOTHING IS OKAY NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY EVER AGAIN. :((((((( i cant even explain how this affects me

"I spent an hour and a half last night trying to bleach your blood from your bathroom tile," George continues, "and the only thing I see when I close my eyes is what it looked like when I got there and bloody fucking tracks across your mum's nice carpet and you, in a fucking casket, and all I can think is that everyone failed you and that I failed you, and I love you, Matty, and I know everything's kinda a mess in your head and I know it's not about me, but please, for just a minute, think about the people who love you."

i cant put into words what im feeling while reading this but just know this is what i look like

I CANNOT FUCKING DEAL

"I'm gonna fight for you," George says, a little softer. "Why can't you fight for you, too?"

"I don't have the energy to fight," Matty answers quietly.

"Will you let me?"

OH WHAT THE FUCK CAN WE STOP THIS. IM GOING TO SCREAM. u put So much. sad. into ur writing. and its so impressive. i am going to explode. will u let me THERES TEARS. STOP (do not)

George wants to yell at them, tell them that sedating Matty doesn't solve anything, that he's small enough that he's not a threat to anyone, that sedation is half of Matty's problem. George doesn't say anything, just watches.

SMALL ENOUGH TGAT HES NOR A THREAT RO ANYOEN STOP THIS MADNESS IMMEDIATELY. OH MY GOD 😭😭😭😭😭 i actually need to see a doctor im going insane

Sometimes, they all go together and it breaks George's heart to watch Matty trying so hard to be himself for his brother. At some point, Matty's stitches get removed, but the cuts are still red and angry and tender and Matty opts for long sleeves so no one sees them, himself included.

. tears in my eyes .

this is not okay

im going to die

"himself included" :((((( im unwell

"Did you, did they, at the hospital did you, uh-" Matty cuts himself off.

"Did they give me your note?" George fills in.

im feeling very normal about this. the most normal. oh my god. i feel like this emoji ☹️ i CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS

"It broke my heart," George admits.

READING THIS IS BREAKING MINE ☹️ sob sob sob sob sob im going to explode

"You think my life is worth saving," Matty continues, slowly.

i genuinely might start sobbing. death and destruction and pain and OH MY GOOOODDDDDDDD 😭😭😭

George would want to wake up like this forever if Matty didn't look so vacant.

there used to be a heart in my chest but its since shrivelled up and DIED. this is for real going to kill me. pls im SAD ☹️ i love this so much

"Mostly that I really, really love you," Matty mumbles, sheepish. "And about what we talked about last night."

☹️ he loves george so much it makes me SICK. and u know what else makes me sick. how sad. this fic. is making me. but in a good way. im so obsessed im going to CRY

Matty gives a minute shake of his head and says, "I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna wake up and fucking brush my teeth and, and try so hard to do everything right and be enough and still fucking fail. I'm tired, George and the meds make it worse and everyone looks at me like I'm about to lose it and my mum keeps fucking apologizing and I've got these fucking scars that I'm gonna have forever and everyone will know how fucked up I am."

screaming crying throwing up im going to my library and telling them about you and making them tell everyone that comes in about you. this is terrible for my heart but so wonderful for every other part of me. my heart hurts. i love this so much

Matty shakes his head again. "You just look sad."

:((((((((( he just looks sad :(((((((((

"It's fucking hideous. And I did it to myself," Matty argues. "I cut myself. And then I tore the fucking stitches out. Who does something like that?"

im printing this and binding it or like sticking it to my walls and making it into a poster. oh my FUCKING GOD this is so sad and ohsjkwkdmdxkewkdkoeod i need to be SEDATED

Matty groans, ever the dramatic, but agrees, "Fine."

:'))) he still has parts of himself left :'))) he might be terrible mentally but he is Still Matty !!!

Years from now, when they're sitting in a house George has cleaned top to bottom, in a kitchen where the strongest thing is a single pack of ibuprofen and even the cooking wine has been thrown out in the wake of Matty's time in rehab, George will tell Matty of this victory. Matty will cry and apologize and cry some more, and George will hold him and try not to think about the scars, silvery and faded, on Matty's forearms.

I ACTUALLY CANNOT COPE WITH THIS. !??!??!?!??!?!??! how do you just Casually say the most...beautiful sentences...and act like its the same as any other. im in AWE of you. !!!!!!! so sad !!! so happy !!!!!! so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In one of the fights that will become more frequent in the coming months, Denise will yell at Matty about how much it cost to have the carpeting and bathroom tile replaced.

DENISE...BE NICE...STOP. im gonna die. oh my god pls no sTOP IT

"Am I," he pauses, "am I gonna be ok? I think I wanna be ok."

fighting demons to Not Cry atm. oh my god. i am. just. oh my god. :( he wants to be okay :(

Matty keeps wearing long sleeves and George can't help but be afraid that Matty break if he's not gentle enough.

never speak again or you Will kill me. oh my god. the way he loves him makes me die inside but in a happy way. do u get the vibe. i hope u get the vibe. i love this in a way that only Vibes can convey

This isn't Matty from before, but it isn't the Matty that wrote the suicide note George can't bring himself to throw out.

hi what the fuck. this is gorgeous and i need it engraved in marble under like. a carving of you or something. oh my FUCKING GOD i swear im putting this somewhere idk where but its going SOMEWHERE

They're sharing a joint and hiding out in Matty's bedroom when he speaks up.

i know its sad and all but this is making me so soft. like. its so intimate i just love it so much :((( sharing a joint even when theyre meant to go on some huge tour ohhhhhh my HEART HURTS. also the image of teeny tiny mini matty being so sad ??????? stop ??????? pls i didnt realise he was meant to be that young im :(((((

this is the most wonderful thing ive ever read and it genuinely should be shown to everybody who even knows what suicide is or something. just everybody. i love it so much and u HAVE to know how amazing it is like omg. i also just realised i didnt give it kudos the first time ?? past me was a little freak. i did like it though i remember that, i think i was just shy, anyway, its amazing and u have to know that. ok. enjoy the rest of ur birthday month and think lots about sad matty i love u u are the best

Fic thoughts!! Thank you so much! My actual birthday was unexciting--I just went to class--but I'm seeing Charli xcx soon and it's still birthday season, so I think that counts for something =)

Anyway, fic time!

Poor fictional!Matty--he's so desperate and scared--and poor fictional!George, hearing him like that =(

George knows!!! !!!! He knows but he doesn't want to know but he can't make himself not know!! They are so very, very tragic.

Fictional!Matty thinks he's a bother!!! He just wants a little bit of comfort in the end from fictional!George, but he still just thinks he's a bother.

He's still so sure he's a bother and the problem =(( Fictional!Matty is just trying to stop being the problem and here he is, certain he's causing another one.

(If I knew how to be normal I would tell you, unfortunately, this fic came from my little head, so normal is kind of out of the question.) However. Fictional!Matty is mostly impressed that he managed to do it and impressed that all of the blood was inside him. He's lost too much blood to be logical about anything, but he's impressed with himself.

The letter!! Fun fact, the letter was almost not a part of this fic because I didn't know how to write it.

Fictional!George does deserve something! He deserves everything, fictional!Matty just doesn't know how to give it.

Hurt was the goal, if I'm being honest. Sorry. I'm glad it worked, but sorry.

I will admit, "I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes)" was very much the foundation of the letter. Fictional!Matty knows he's not the one it's happening to, but he just doesn't know what else to do.

Poor, poor fictional!George =( =( He's so in love and he thinks he might have just lost the person he loves and it really is the worst day of his life, but what about fictional!Matty? What's happening to him? This is probably the worst day of his life, too. (I hope you and your cat have recovered. My goal was never to upset anyone's pets.)

Poor, poor fictional!George that this is how fictional!Matty looks peaceful. And the divine machine is such a good concept!! I'll be thinking about that for the foreseeable future =) and oh my god, tattoo my writing on you? That's too much of a compliment. I don't know what to do.

I think this fic could boil down to poor fictional!George. He was going to have to listen to fictional!Matty die!! They're so sad.

It could also boil down to poor fictional!Matty, too. He's so convinced everyone would be better without him and fictional!George doesn't know what to do about it =(

Fictional!Matty hates himself so much and he absolutely cannot reconcile the fact that fictional!George loves him so much. He can't help but think fictional!George is blind.

The grout!!! There's a piece of writing advice floating around out there that essentially amounts to the bigger and more dramatic the thing you're writing about, the smaller the thing you focus on should be as a demonstration of how big that thing is. Suicide and self-loathing are massive things to tackle, the grout is a near microscopic demonstration.

Love that my typo on restrained is committed to memory now. Anyway, fictional!Matty is restrained! He's a danger to himself!!!

The only person fictional!Matty has any kind of violence for is himself!!

I hope your cat is doing ok =/ Tragedy can be build character, maybe. I am of the opinion that tragedy is good for us, actually.

Fictional!M+G are the best and the worst of each other, I would argue. They have, in this fic, loved each other nearly as long as they've been real people. Of course they bring out the best and worst in each other. That's what they are.

Fictional!Matty is so, so certain he's been horribly selfish, but fictional!George is so ridiculously grateful he was able to save his life. Fictional!Matty is also terminally curious, so of course he'd want to know if it really hurt. (He hoped it wouldn't--he doesn't handle pain well--but it did.)

I would tell you what I looked like writing this, but I cannot remember what I was thinking when I wrote this, but again, poor, poor fictional!George. He's angry, but he's pretty sure he doesn't have the right to be, but god, he is.

I will never stop writing angst. Of all the things I'm actively working on (so many, so, so many), there are about three that aren't angsty, two of which are smut. So. There will be so much more angst.

Fictional!Matty is little tiny! The orderly could just put fictional!Matty over his shoulder and carry him out but he doesn't!! Ahhhh

Fictional!Matty still hates himself, hates what he's done to himself. Fictional!George wouldn't tell him, but he hates seeing the scars, too, so he's not going to complain about the long sleeves, just grieve everything that's happened.

The letter! Originally, they were just going to have a conversation about it here, but then I actually wrote it, so they're just sad here.

Fictional!George probably needs therapy after this--he's so sad, endlessly sad, but at least fictional!Matty is alive.

Fictional!Matty is there, but he's not really there, but at least he's sort of there =(

Fictional!Matty loves fictional!George so much!! He just might hate himself more.

Tell everyone in the library about my sad fics?!?! I am very touched, but that might be too much--I'm just some guy. But, hopefully my next fic hurts less.

They're just sad!!!!

Poor fictional!Matty is angry now, too. He hates what he's done to himself and literally all he can do is live with it. =(

He's still himself! That's what makes it worse for fictional!George--it would be easier if fictional!Matty was just. absent, but he's not and it's heartbreaking.

They will ever, ever escape this. They will live under the shadow of this one thing forever because fictional!Matty will literally bear the scars forever.

Fictional!Denise doesn't know what to do with this either!! Fictional!Matty just fights with her in a way that he doesn't with fictional!George. In his defense, living with your parents in your early twenties is a little bit rough sometimes.

Fictional!Matty wants to try, he just doesn't know how!!

I do get the vibe!! It's a good vibe!!

I do not know what the fuck, I'm sorry. I do know that fictional!George will never throw the letter away. Fictional!Matty will find it at some point, ten or fifteen years down the line, and he'll read it and cry, and then fictional!George will find him and then they'll cry together.

They're so young!! They're too young for this, too young to figure out how to cope with this, but they have to. They have to and maybe that's biggest tragedy of it all!

Here's a fun fact that's maybe not very fun--this fic was originally going to titled "Call Your Mom," because that's the song that inspired it, but it didn't seem quite right when I finished it.

Thank you so much for reading and your thoughts and all the compliments!! I'm so touched and I promise I'm actively working on the fictional!George in a skirt fic.

[sorryimananti-romantic]

should i start writing or not?

i literally get the craziest fic ideas almost daily and i have a whole page about plots and plots and MORE plots, so, naturally, id want to put them to use

BUT (there's always a but)

when it comes to me and words, you'd never catch me making it past the prologue 😭

i either really dislike my work (you can tell me how good/bad it is and im still going to scrap it, no one's changing my mind 😤), im just that bad at writing, i overcomplicate my sentences (cmon who wants to read shakespeare typa stuff), or i end up losing interest

i figured writing small imagines or wtv those tiny 2k-4k worded whatever-they-are stuff would work kinda well for me, but as someone who overthinks and second-guesses her every step in life... yeah 💀

idk i basically live off other peoples' opinions so after making you read allat for nothing, should i start processing these stored plots into words to form understandable sentences that may or may not be enjoyable depending on the person reading but then again who would click on something they dont wanna read innit?

haha that is literally the most relatable thing i've read today-- i was just the same before i started writing the first work of mine! and i'm not saying just for the heck of it but if you have all these ideas and plots... DO IT!!

bro my first few fics suck in my opinion and i wish i could rewrite them and post them again (i do not even want to look at them and i cannot comprehend why ppl like them) but ppl do like them! i think if you have good characters and good plots, it doesn't matter if your writing is bad bc writing is something that will get better the more you write, yeah? (and btw, that's you thinking your writing is bad. you could be the next shakespeare we never know LOL) (also my first work was take me home series and that says a lot about me bc my amateur ass went ahead and wrote the longest thing i've ever written 😭)

and me. i would read shakespearean style stuff if you have a good plot and characters. i would read a fic that uses the most common vocabulary if the plot is magical. there are people who will like your works and even if there is one of them, it means you're doing a good job!

i think you should start writing with whatever plot you want to write the most and just write it in your style. i live for crazy fic ideas and i cannot wait to see what you have in store! if your first work has to be a series, so be it! if it has to be a drabble, that's fine too! just do what you want to <3 good luck and i will be waiting for you to write sth and tag me <33

[megismorallysunny]

17/09/23

its been quite a while, i told myself in july i would talk about the barbie movie, but well that didnt end up happening. i felt awkward writing and i feel awkward now, school started 3/4 weeks ago and its been going pretty ok, ill talk more about that. so first things first the barbie movie was spectacular, i loved it so much, it was so amazing no words, speechless. i dont know if i mentioned this but i went on holiday again, i went to mallorca in june for a week and alicante in spain for 2 weeks. i grew sick of my brother after that, i hope someday we can be friends but i just cannot stand him. my mom said that i will regret not being friends with him when im older just like she did, but i just cant stand being around him. my mom may regret not being friends with my uncle then but atleast there friends now (not for long unfortunately, hes sick). Spain was pretty boring, yes i know im a lil spoilt but we went to spain cuz its cheap (cheaper than staying down the road). i started playing a lot of total drama then stopped after the start of school. Im glad that im actually able to focus on my school work better because i genuinely cannot focus, i really struggled last year cuz i did it in silence and always put it off. now i started watching qsmp along with doing my homework cuz now i feel better doing my homework, my brain just works better when its hearing something and my brain is doing something else at the same time doing my hw. i think its due to when i was younger there was never silence around me when doing my hw, there was always talking always a programme, always something. im doing higher level english, im scared about doing shit in it like every other higher subject im in. but i think im doing good in english, or atleast mediocre, my teacher said that some of my work wasnt the best, which fair nuff it isnt. but i wrote something and it was kinda cringe but my teacher said it was good, and it wasnt cringe as in furry abo type shit i wrote it was more me saying "chillingly good use of onomatopeia" omg i just felt so stupid reading it out, i figured out why it feels so invasive reading it out and its because it feels like reading a diary and your specifically asked to read out ur feelings and opinions about it, unless i say something hateful about it i dont feel comfortable saying it. im doing bad in higher maths i just cannot understand somethings but i dont want to spend more time on it so i might i might not, im scared that i just wont understand it and theres people dumber than me in there, and it feels like i shit also cuz im dumb, i struggle with comprehending things, and i just go on my phone all the time, because i just get so bored, i wish that i would be able to learn things at my own pace (fast but slow at things i dont understand) and i just wish i could learn what i wanted to, i know i can learn maths i just struggle and i dont know why. did i mention im stupid? did i? because your bound to think so now, last year in higher irish i got 23% on my summer exam, and this year i got a note from my parents to move to lower, and i went to give it to him and he gave such a good speech i said okay yeah sure, like how dumb am i?? all my friends looked aound at me and were like "that was your one chance" "why didnt you leave" it was a little demotivating but if theres one thing i can do its spite people, from an early age ive discovered people insulting me is the best power for my success, its better if it feels like they mean it. e.g i couldnt hit a ball in pe with a bat, someone tried to take it off me (multiple ppl) and they said cmon you cant do it, that was really a good motivator because as soon as they reached for it i hit the ball super high. anyways im now learning irish and im struggling really. but duolingos helping, alot. were back to talking to our french penpals and i wrote the most complicated english because i got excited she said i was a nice girl, shes so sweet i love her. i wrote way too much so im gonna go now, have a good morning, day or night.

[perexcri]

hi hi

i just wanted to come on here and show my appreciation for your writing because you truly never fail to befuddle, gobsmack, and ofc flabbergast

like,, literally obsessed with you,, anyway

i dont comment stuff on ao3 because i am Terrified but um i do have a notion board where i log all of my reading stuff and i make comments on there so i thought id share some of my favs that i made on your works

this ripped my soul in half you cannot comprehend

this eternally altered my brain chemistry

this is what love is fr fr

fuck dude

as always this is very well written however i did predict like the entire plot but that is ok i love being right and it was very good some may even say slay idk if id go so far to say that, it may be too high concept for me but it was very good, i did however keep imagining that they both had stinky breath, cuz like will just ate mystery chili and mike presumably hasn’t brushed his teeth in months,, do vampires brush their teeth?

(and then promptly followed by)

one month later i am officially marking this as slay because i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it,, like that last scene where they make out against a cross so mike is being burned while hes turning will,, they’re both in pain together,, just sacrificing your whole life to be with the person you love, oposite of dorothea type thing tbh yah i just think i should grant it its slayage

yah this was so good like insane writing of tension and like idk all of the internal stuff pays of and OMG THE PAYOFF HOLY SHIT THE ENDING SO WORTH IT SO EARNED LIKE INSANE HOLY FUCKKK

i couldn’t stop reading i genuinely felt like i was going to puke from the tension/anticipation/suspense,, the dialogue was really good too and so was the like character study idk if i completely agree with this take on wills character but i really enjoyed in none the less and all in all it did deliver on the rom com of it all and had a very satisfying rom com esc ending that made me cry until it was actually solved because i really cant deal with lack of communication and unresolved tension anyway thats it this was really really good

this might be a bit above my reading level but i read emily dickinson for fun so im powering through just fine

ahhh hello!! thank you for sending such a nice ask and for the appreciation 🥺 i'm glad you decided to share these thoughts you have written down with me!! and i understand commenting can feel a little strange and terrifying, but just know it is appreciated regardless :D (as long as you aren't like,,,actively shitting on the fic ofc lol)

umm i wasn't sure exactly how to tackle this because some of them are clear to me which fics they go to and some of them aren't, but i'm gonna try my hardest and we'll see how it goes 😌✨

1.) so the first one with the "this ripped my soul in half" - i'm gonna guess that's beneath these boughs? maybe? that's the one where i've gotten responses most similar to what you have written down

2.) those next two paragraphs i 100% know are from come to me again!! you can tell i definitely wasn't as focused on the logistics of their later kiss for that fic because i didn't think about the whole brushing teeth/chili thing AT ALL. i picked chili because i thought that would be an easy thing to scrounge up in an enclosed environment and to make easy substitutions for, and i just,,,,,did not think about whether people would brush their teeth in a coldtown or not alfjlas. ah well, it was mainly about them making out on the cross while Mike's flesh is burning and he's turning Will into a vampire, right? that was the main goal and the biggest scene i wanted to write, and i did!! so i consider it a success 😌

3.) okay this one i think might be what a match?? it's either what a match or cheer up baby, but i'm leaning more towards what a match because of the mention of tension

4.) this one is definitely to hell and back again - so i'm glad you liked it despite the tension heheheh. and honestly i would maybe have to agree with you on the thing about Will's character? i guess the big thing with that fic is 1. it turned into an entirely different beast while i was writing it from what i originally intended for it to be, and on top of that it ended up being the first book-length thing i ever wrote, so i was a little in over my head and not entirely sure how to handle it, and 2. i was so focused on whatever the hell had happened to Mike in vol 2 that i did really focus on him more than Will in that fic so i do think Will comes off as a little ahhhh flat? not entirely himself? idk, i'd like to think i've learned a bit more since that fic, and that i made up for Will's lack of character in it with my fantasy au a flower that resembles you, which was very much centered on Will and his complexities

5.) ok i genuinely can't figure the last one out lol. i would maybe say beneath these boughs? but that's what i guessed for the first one, so maybe the first one is a flower that resembles you and this one is beneath these boughs? not sure haha

anyway!! umm idk if my guesses were right, but thanks again for sharing these thoughts!! it does help me to know that you are enjoying what i write and that you have these kinds of thoughts about it :D thanks for stopping by, and i hope you enjoy whatever comes next from this half-functioning brain of mine heheheh :] 💜💜💜