#i understand she is fighting the depression demons but she has time to post on social media tons of stories of her doing so many things

[heavierthanlaila]

time to detach myself from yet another person i loved deeply and dearly and i used to talk to everyday.

when will my grieving stop?

[distinguished-slacker]

Speaking about chapter 133…

Since it has been a long time since I made long posts and these kind of chapters that focus on other characters, much less girls, much less Mitsuba, are rare, I felt like talking about it🤧

First of all: Screw this title and the boob joke.

Now, somehow I liked this chapter? It is the first time ever since chapter 17 that we see Shinoa and Mitsuba talking to each other about themselves. Although in small quantities, many of the things I wanted to see happened: Mitsuba addressing Shinoa’s change in behaviour, them talking about their sisters, how similar they are but also have their differences, their reasons to live, their relationship, the squad leader role and how Shinoa does not talk much about herself.

We didn’t learn anything new except for Mitsuba not necessarily seeking her family’s validation and Shinoa being able to control demons.

About the former, I am actually happy that Mitsuba is not necessarily seeking Aoi’s validation because someone like Aoi does not deserve that effort. But I am bit sad that after the things Aoi said to her in chapter 70, we didn’t get more than this. It does not have to be now but I hope eventually we get some flashbacks about the Sangū sisters’ past to explain why Aoi treats her like this.

What worries me more is that we already know Mitsuba’s reason to live so does that mean I will never get to see her demon? I mean, it’s those scenes where characters talk with their demons in that white world in their minds where we get to know more about them but Mitsuba already opened up a lot in the real world. At this point of the manga I am not expecting anything about Mitsuba’s character in the long run; it’s just that I want to see how her demon looks like (Also, 2024 is the year of the dragon so why not?🐉)

I’ve seen that the fandom is divided between those who took it literally and think the girls are seriously competing for Yuu’s love and those who think they were just joking to lighten up the mood. I am with the latter. The vibes their conversation gave me were lighthearted. Mitsuba has a crush on Yuu but she never made a move on him and it doesn’t seem like she ever planned to because her feelings are probably not that strong. Knowing how Kagami writes women he could have made this chapter much worse but “No comment” is all that we got. In all honesty, she seems more worried about Shinoa being depressed than Yuu leaving them. She even says it: “Will that be the first real reason to live you’ve ever found?”, and also blushes before deciding to participate in the ‘competition’ as if she is embarassed because all of this feels just too stupid but she still does it because it lightens Shinoa’s mood. Shinoa also does not take her seriously either. I am not saying my take is correct since the only one who truly knows what is going on is Kagami but I still strongly believe this.

Just like Yuu and Mika, the Shinoa squad finally decided to separate from Guren and become their own team (but I wonder where is Guren?). Shinoa being able to control demons gives them a strong card just like how the vampires’ team is really strong, Guren and Mahiru rely on experiments, and Yuu has Mika as his demon and the knowledge that they are swapped. Now that she is all motivated, could her powers be able to control Mika? I want to see Kimizuki, Yoichi and Mitsuba in action too (I am tired of katana fights). I am happy to see the squad after one year and I hope the next chapter follows with them again or the vampires that are not with Mika and Yuu.

This is like a competition on who makes Shikama more miserable💀 I understand where Shinoa is coming from since she can finally make Shikama pay back a bit for how much he ruined her life but at the same she looks so insane that she reminds me so much of Yuu and about how tired I am that Kagami is drawing so many parallels between characters that the individualities they had are being lost😞

The big question here is what this chapter means in the long run? Was it just to give have some funny scenes or is the chapter setting up something for Shinoa? Shinoa is aware Yuu rejected her and yet still tries. Her brain tells her it’s impossible but her heart says otherwise:

The way her feelings are delivered and the way Yamamoto draws her makes me interpret it as Kagami’s way of conveying how a sexist education can affect a girl’s mind (if I choose to believe in his writing decisions, that is). Again, Shinoa knows she is rejected yet still tries. This contradiction can be seen again when Shinoa tells Mitsuba that she loves her a lot but since she does not value her own life at all so she does not need Mitsuba or anyone’s validation because it would not change a thing…but still she craves Yuu’s validation. It’s irrational and powerful, showing how much the brainwashing got into her.

Will it take more for Shinoa to stop needing Yuu’s validation? What will it take? Yuu rejecting her more directly? Yuu trying to kill her after she tries to kill Mika? Will it be someone else’s intervention? Is this tied to how Mitsuba needs someone’s validation but it does not have to be her blood related family? Is the manga leading to a point where Mitsuba might help Shinoa break out of her brainwashing and in turn Mitsuba will find validation though Shinoa and altogether the girls stop crushing over Yuu?

I hope so because the way the chapter is written has that feeling in the air that Mitsuba actually likes Shinoa romantically. Yuu does not love Shinoa or her back yet Kagami instead writes about Mitsuba focusing on Shinoa and not Mitsuba being sad that Yuu does not like her back. The way she tries to cheer Shinoa up and how she kept talking with Shinoa about embarassing things despite knowing Kimizuki and Yoichi might overhear them because she was happy that Shinoa was finally opening up to her…hmm

Also, the “I love you lots and lots”??

These past two years Kagami has been especially explicit with Mika and Yuu’s feelings for each other, more than in the rest of the manga, so maybe he will get more bold as a writer when it comes to the girls’ relationship? Who knows…

Could this actually be a joke-turned-into foreshadowing?

I felt like this chapter was a bit better than previous ones and I am happy that their friendship got a bit more focus. However, I don’t expect that writing about them after almost 10 years of barely any focus will dramatically improve the development and depth of their friendship. A flashback about their past together before the squad was made could help on setting the bases for why they are close but there is still that big gap between chapters 17 and 133.

[bloodycyrano]

I am extremely mentally fucked right now, so let's see how team tadpole handles their depressive episodes! TW, this will probably be super depressing to read.

Astarion: He thinks he hides it really well, and for the most part, he does. But his motivation for easy, everyday tasks and self care goes absolutely down the drain. You've seen the inside of his tent, you know how it goes. He tries to keep up the image of doing well, keep the smile, keep the jokes coming. He's terrified of people finding out what's underneath, and in hiding it, he feels like he has the upper hand. He doesn't, and he needs therapy. I'd also put money on him hypersexualizing himself for the validation and to feel like he was worth something. After all, Cazador beat it into him that that was all he was good for. Luring in pray with his body. - We also know that Astarion has nightmares, but I'd like to add to this with the reminder that Elves don't sleep. They trance. In the trance, they go over the memories of their past. It's how they keep up with such long lives and how they stay close to past lives as children (For those who dont know, elves don't measure age in maturity, but rather by distance to their past lives- Once an elf can no longer recall memories from their past life, they are considered an adult. They pick their adult name in celebration of the new person and consciousness that they now are). The fact that Astarion can remember nothing of his life prior to being turned by Cazador, nothing of his family, etc., Means that he is so deeply affected by Cazador that those memories are the only things he can see when he goes to rest at night. Every night, in perfect detail, he has to remember all of his worst trauma.

Karlach: Karlach is the sunshine character. She's sweet, and loud and bright with the biggest smile, but you also have to remember that she was a soldier. She was sold off to a literal demon and used as a science experiment essentially for the hell of it. She's not going to open up about what she's feeling immediately, and she's not going to seek help, either. She thinks she has to deal with it quietly and on her own, because since her parents died; that's what she's always had to do. Chin up, no tears, keep fighting. It's going to stress her out to the point where she starts smoking again, but she'll try to hide it or brush it off. Most importantly, she's going to be more focussed on not burdening those around her and trying to take care of you guys and protect you at the expense of her own mental health and physical safety. But her sorrows are noticeable. She can try to hide it, but everyone in camp knows. Everyone in camp is worried. Everyone can see when her eyes stop glimmering, when she stops dancing around in her tent when she can't sleep, when her bright laughter stops, and when she gets quiet. So quiet. She zones out, like she's in another realm entirely. She probably also has post traumatic stress from her time as a soldier, and it's going to weigh on her heavily in battle. Maybe she'll freeze up, have flashbacks, even potentially have small hallucinations now and again. It's going to take a lot of care and reassurance to get her to talk to you about it, but when she finally does, she'll probably have a complete meltdown with all the feelings she's been keeping inside.

Wyll: Wyll self isolates. He gets much quieter, and he probably isn't going to be too open to talking about it unless he's really close to you. He gets a little cold when talking to people, but he's good at resolving things in his head and the most likely to rationalize his feelings to make himself feel better. He also probably writes poetry, or even paints his feelings as a form of expressing his sorrows because he understands he needs some outlet so he isn't bottling everything up. He has the heart of an artist, and this is a hill I am prepared to die on.

Gale: He has a hard time talking when he's sad, and probably has difficulty making eye contact as well. He'd probably be more inclined to seek out comfort and vent than the rest of team tadpole, but that doesn't take away from the complexity of his emotions. He's angry, and sad, and feels so so shitty just about being who he is in general. He's fallen so far from where he once was, and for what? He'll do is best to rationalize, but his anxiety is going to push into paranoia, and rationalizing is going to turn into self loathing. He's going to try his best to be more useful, and show off, and earn the validation he craves because without that, what is he? He was a prodigy child. He used to be so, so great. Even the goddess of magic herself thought so. Now he's rotting away in a camp full of strangers and trying to re-learn level one spells. It's taking a toll on him, and it's noticeable to anyone willing to look.

Shadowheart: She's trying to pray. The goddess she has been devoted to all her life is the lady of loss. There is a great amount of sorrow in the way she worships, and in her suffering, she finds faith. She tells herself it's her next step to becoming a dark justiciar. Delving further into her faith and trusting in the dark depths of her soul, and her pain. All it ever truly does is make her hurt, though.

Lae'zel: Lae’zel is truly a specimen built on stoicism. If you ask her what's wrong, she will tell you but it will also be in such a way that you wonder if she's really processing all of her pain. The thing is, she's thinking about it. She has the emotional intelligence to understand the way she's feeling and how to fix it, but for some reason unknown to her, she can't. And that's what's going to stress her out and hurt her the most. She knows what theoretically should fix the pain, but it's not working the way that it should. She's going to wonder if it's something wrong with her, or the way she's going about it. She might get angry with other people more often, and try to project blame onto someone so that maybe she can find a way to resolve the way that it hurts. But she can't. She'll keep throwing temporary solutions and misplaced anger into the void until she finds something to distract from it. And maybe, after a lot of contemplation and positive outside help from the rest of team tadpole, she may find peace.

[pulim-v]

First digital drawing I'm posting this year! Natsuko Kocho, my KnY oc that's been in the oven since 2022! (Comparison to an older drawing of his and long-ass backstory under the cut)

(Also shoutouts to @shycroissanti for the anti-AI watermark girl you're amazing tysm for this)

For reference, this is a comparison between my first drawing of him and the one at the top; as you can see, I grew a lot in art over the last couple years LMAO

TW: Depression, substance abuse/alcoholism, and murder.

Natsuko's story is not a happy one. A troubled mind since childhood, he lived his life isolated from his peers, sinking into bouts of inexplicable sadness and alcoholism as time went on.

That changed, though, once he met Kanae, a gentle soul who saved him from an attack his village suffered from a demon. The two became friends, Kanae enjoying his interest in flowers and gardening and Natsuko finding someone who didn't mind his quirks, and, eventually, love blossomed between them, the two eventually marrying each other.

A conflict arose, as Natsuko wanted his wife to be beside him, and begged her to either teach him her breathing style for him to assist her or retire from the Corps, but in her unending kindness and flawless moral compass Kanae couldn't let her lover throw himself to die, neither could she stop battling demons and saving lives.

In one fateful day, Kanae's mission seemed to be more dangerous than the ones before, so Natsuko went after her to at least assist civilians and treat her wounds. What awaited them was a cold-hearted killer, who devastated the village Kanae was protecting, and nearly took her life. Arriving in the scene too late, Natsuko, who had accompanied Kanae's sister, saw his lover's body covered in blood, the life nearly leaving her eyes.

The demon slayer looked into her loved ones' eyes, and told them the truth: she did not want either to follow in her footsteps, Shinobu should take care of the family house and Natsuko should keep to his garden. However, knowing the two wouldn't follow her commands, Kanae gave them instructions should they want to avenge her: she had left books and guides on Flower Breathing for Natsuko, and he should train along with Kanao to become a slayer, and both of them should know what her killer looked like to fight him.

Natsuko, having lost his lover, has his heart fall into an ever-expanding abyss, spending his days in the local tavern and drowning in alcohol. He tried to train to become a slayer, but his intoxicated body was far too damaged for him to develop strength, even if Flower Breathing was a natural fit for him.

After significant berating on Shinobu's part, he dedicated himself to control his mind and heart, gaining a deep understanding of Total Concentration Breathing and starting to overcome his issues, becoming a demon slayer after a few months of training and starting his journey to become stronger and, by being of significant help to the Butterfly Mansion, avenging his lover.

And that's it! This is Natsuko's story, it's really edgy, cliché, and honestly not better than the OG one, I think Kanae's bond with Shinobu and Kanao is a lot better than what I have here, but!!!! I really like Natsuko, and wish I could draw him more, so I guess it kinda balances out :P

[junokami]

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR "WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ" AND "IF THIS BOOK EXISTS YOU'RE IN THE WRONG UNIVERSE"

See below for more thoughts about BATMANTIS??? and how it relates to David's depression.

A while ago, I came across a Q&A between Jason Pargin and some Goodreads users. I was interested by the following exchange:

I honestly feel like this explains everything about the third book. Having just read the fourth book (this post will contain spoilers for the whole series), I think it's safe to say we know what the BATMANTIS??? is: David. As I read the series, the third book in its entirety is the most dubious of all the books as to whether it really happened. I personally think the whole thing was made up, but some might disagree.

I went back through and did find several examples of intervention scenes. Obviously, David's intervention first comes to mind. We see a group of bikers give a tearful intervention to a woman about half-way through. Joy flushes John's drugs down the toilet, causing him to go berserk. Though I can't find it now, I remember reading about an intervention that happened on TV, maybe near the end? All of this sets up for Dave's intervention, and like everything in this book, it ends in uncertainty. Maybe even disappointment if you felt similarly to me. The "children" are allowed to survive, Ted's death is scorned by his wife, it's outright said that the Millibutt has only been contained, not killed entirely. It's exactly what it says on the tin. What the hell did I just read?

The answer to this can be found when we look at the cast's perception of the monster over the course of the book. Amy's is the most important because it's her emotional state that we see most often expressed in the series, and the one we can recognize the easiest. 

After seeing the video for the first time, Amy immediately tries to deny everything. She tells Dave that everything will be okay, that they can fix it all. Some of the things she suggests are farfetched given the context. For example, the cops never recognize that the trio are telling the truth, much less apologize for not believing them. She bursts into tears a few lines later, so it's obvious she's lying to herself about how grave the situation is. 

It's not until the BATMANTIS??? shows up in the last portion of the book that we get to really look at how Amy and David's perspectives differ. Amy treats it with kindness even after it attempts to attack her. She sees its hostility as a defense mechanism because it's scared and confused. David, however, takes it for a moral failing on the side of the monster. He is angry they have to deal with the monster, seeing the whole situation as pointless and aggravating. 

This reminds me of Amy's calling David's depression a "sadness demon". In her opinion, both entities are looking for misery. All attempts to physically fight it or dismiss it as a trivial issue just make it stronger. BATMANTIS??? easily overtakes David even though he has a figurative boner over how bad he wants the creature dead. It almost seems like he's fighting with himself, calling the monster a mistake and an asshole which we know from his thoughts are adjectives he would certainly use to describe himself. David says that he can kill BATMANTIS??? from the inside; isn't his depression doing the same to him? 

Here, a parallel can be drawn to what happens in the intervention. Amy is on her last straw with the situation. She's making an ultimatum, offering one last chance before she takes serious action. 

We see Amy go from immediate horror when she realizes what's happening, to denial and depression, to trying to get rid of BATMANTIS??? by herself, to finally issuing an ultimatum. This is her exact process with David's depression. 

By contrast, David tries to kill the creature by himself and with brute force; when this fails, he tells Amy to run away and attempts to give up his life. Like BATMANTIS???, David doesn't understand his depression very well. He blames a lot of the things caused by his depression on himself. He tries to fight through it on his own and thinks that he's failed because he can't. In reality, forcing yourself through depression is literally impossible. 

David's depression is certainly at its peak in book three. He contemplates suicide on a daily basis, he's short-tempered and irrational with the people he loves, and it can't be ignored anymore. You might even call it the BATMANTIS??? in the room. (Bad joke sorry) It's not a coincidence that this is the same time BATMANTIS??? appears to us. It represents his depression at its worst: a living creature that feeds on everything around it. No wonder David has such a vendetta against it.

Jason Purgin says it best: this is a story of an intervention. Once we take away the details that John, Dave, and Amy created to distract the cops, the truth is left. The real fight is the one being waged against David's depression, one that only started once his depression hit a point that turned him into someone else entirely, once John and Amy couldn't look past it any longer. In this book, we don't learn who won the fight. But in the sequel, we do.

David is taking Lexapro. Getting treatment. He seems happier with his loved ones at his side and has some hope for the future. If he was as depressed as he was in the previous book, the knowledge that John had died in every other timeline would have completely destroyed him instead of giving him the motivation to go back and try again. Of course, he's still depressed, but things are starting to look up.

Along with this, he learns to handle his "monster side" with Joy's help. He willingly summons it in order to kill Dalton and is very confident about his ability to control it. For now, I think David is winning the fight.

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 159

Chapter 159: "Thank You"

C'mon now, which one of you three idiots asked if this child was in pain? Did y'all not see him get smacked hard across the room a couple chapters ago? The trio is lucky they're all cute so I'll forgive them especially since their smiles are precious.

They are pretty incredible, as one would imagine from a couple fullscore kids, though this kinda makes me wish Ray had a big moment like the other two. Don't get me wrong, I love him and my boy definitely put in a lotta work back at GF, even way before the series began, not to mention all the assistance he provided to Emma & their family after the escape, but destroying the entire demon nobility and making a promise with the demon god are pretty huge, ya know?

To be honest, I thought Sonju was on the verge of snapping here. We've known for about hundred chapters that he still craves human meat and was waiting patiently for his chance to eat it once again and now he's coming to the realization that wish of his won't be fulfilled. Due to his beliefs, he of course wouldn't eat our trio since they aren't wild humans, but just imagining the possibility of him turning on them here would've been kinda exciting to witness. Surely the conflict would be solved by talk-no-jutsu from both Emma & Mujika and I could just feel the tension of having him & Ray pointing their weapons at each other which would be so good since they sorta have that teacher-student relationship yet still respect one another. Norman would kinda be a little clueless in the middle, though definitely fearing for his life since he originally had the intention to kill Sonju & Mujika.

I understand why it would be hard for Sonju to be accepted as the next king, but ya could've still tried, dude. Even if he didn't want the position in the first place, he literally could not have been any worse than Legravalima. She set the bar pretty low.

Pfftt I like how we see Norman react a bit to Mujika's words here. The dude took several fans to create a whole inferno with that extermination plan of his.

I honestly would've been so sad if this was their true last goodbye but thankfully they make a last minute appearance in ch178.

Just let it happen, Sonju. You can't fight a protagonist's affection.

When Emma brings up all the demons she's met over the years and how they take lives to eat just as humans do, she eventually brings up death and I always loved the different reactions we see between Norman and Ray, with the former being far more surprised than the latter to even hear our optimistic sunshine child think about something so depressing, as Norman tends to always see Emma in a positive light. It could also be the short amount off time Norman's seen Emma since their initial reunion back at the paradise hideout so they didn't really get the chance to indulge in their own personal struggles with everything else going on, which could also explain Ray's expression. He seems far more understanding since he's been at Emma's side ever since the escape (minus the three weeks after GP) so it's safe to say he knows her worries firsthand and can even empathize about the similar thoughts, even if we as readers never saw such a conversation happen between them regarding death before. (also really love that group shot of their whole family. a nice attempt to lighten the mood here.)

Okay, now this scene of Emma imagining her death has fascinated me for the longest time. The main reason being because it's uncertain when and where it takes place, but as I had rambled on about three years ago, I still believe this moment happens right after Emma made the promise with the demon god. To give as brief summary of that post as possible, I started off by wondering how Emma seemed relatively fine upon her return from the Seven Walls in ch144, despite learning that she was gonna lose her memories and be separated from her family, even going as far as to say "Oh. That was okay too. I'll tell you later!" when Ray had asked the requirements of the reward. Of course her response is sorta deflecting, but in all fairness, they did have to rush to capital to stop Norman's plan. It's also understandable that she kept the reward a secret to prevent her family from worrying about her, since no matter what they would say, the reward couldn't be refused. Demon god was cunning with his choice and wouldn't change His mind, so Emma had no choice but to accept it, so how was it that our girl, who is known for having such a huge heart of gold, seemed "okay" with the fact that she would lose everything that's so important to her? Well, for one, she's a brilliant actor, as this series has demonstrated several times in the past, so chalk up that quick conversation as another successful performance by her. I think another reason behind her "good' mood is that Emma had already taken time to herself to grieve about her future loses and it's this flashback right where I think that moment of reflection takes place. Once again in ch144, Ray informs Emma (& us) that it's been three hours since he first returned from the Seven Walls, which leads me to believe that Emma gave herself that much time (though probably a bit less, depending on how long the conversation with demon god actually took) thinking over the price of the reward, what would happen to her afterwards, if she could've worded the promise differently to prevent all that, etc. This girl adores her family and would do absolutely anything for them, but to live a life without them has gotta be the worst kind of punishment for her that she'd rather die than to experience it, so she eventually wonders what could be the best possible way to make that happen, if it truly had to, and remembers Sonju & Mujika.

Now, obviously, I could be completely wrong about that panel (& im splitting up these thoughts in half because i know long blocks of text are intimidating), but as I brought up in that same post from 2020, I'm still certain it happens sometime after GP, if her hair in the braid is anything to go by at least. The way she's laying down is also similar to how Ray shows up at paradise hideout once he was kicked out of the Seven Walls, though one could argue why did Emma appear somewhere outside instead of inside the base as well. Maybe she asked demon god to transport her there, I dunno, He works in weird ways. Anyways, another detail to take note of is the full moon, which is kinda important since she & Ray left for the Seven Walls during a full moon, as shown in ch130/131 since the ritual to arrive at the entrance requires one. The only nitpick about the moon however is that Anna mentions in ch144 that it's the afternoon when Emma returns, so it might not have been dark enough to see the moon that clearly in the first place, unless the demon world works differently. Who knows. (& random, but in that old post of mine, i wondered if the kids were in the southern hemisphere due to how moon phases work, but Ray literally confirms in ch5 they're in the northern hemisphere due to the way the sun rises, so just ignore that little bit on nonsense if ya choose to read that original post back.) To this day I'm not entirely sure about when & where that panel of Emma contemplating death happens in the story, but I like holding onto this little headcanon regardless. Also, I didn't mention this in that old post since I only thought of it recently, but the shadows on her neck cover her number, so if this moment does take place after Emma learned the reward, then I say keeping her number hidden is a nice, little foreshadowing moment.

...Anyways, sorry not sorry about all that. I'll keep the rest short, like how Mujika finds Sonju's brief freak out over his lost meat amusing and how discouraged he becomes when she admits she has no idea how to fix their broken demon society situation.

Favorite panel/moment:

I mean.. I would hope my favorite moment was obvious enough with all the nonsense I rambled on about it, but aside from that and Sonju's silly, little breakdown, here's some cheerful kiddos. Look at how happy they are that I'm finally shutting up.

[darkstar225]

Twice's 10th member was saved by her sisters

A/N: I got an ask on Tumblr and I loved writing it, ty for this idea anon! :D

The request: HEY! i found your writing is Phenomenal!! Sorry if you don't understand it!! English is not my language!! I like to request where the reader was a depression and has tried su!c!d3 before but stopped because of twice without them knowing!! Thank you!!

PS: Tysm for everyone that reads what I write, I hope I can bring a smile to your faces every time I post! I'd like to thank whoever sent me this idea 'cause I loved to write it <3

__________________________________________________________

Y/N had always felt like an outsider. Growing up, she struggled with her own demons, battling a darkness that seemed to consume her from within. The weight of her depression was suffocating, and she often found herself teetering on the edge of despair. As a young girl, she had dreams of becoming a singer. Music was her escape, a way to momentarily drown out the noise in her head. She poured her heart and soul into her performances, seeking solace in the melodies she created. But behind the smiles and applause, the pain still lingered. One fateful day, while the girl was at her lowest, she made a decision that would change her life forever. Consumed by desperation and a sense of hopelessness, she attempted to take her own life. At that moment, as she stood on the precipice of darkness, something inside her shifted.

Just as Y/N was about to give in to the void, a song came on the radio. It was a catchy tune, filled with bright, uplifting melodies. The lyrics spoke of strength and resilience, reminding this temporarily lost soul that even in her darkest moments, she was not alone. It was a song by TWICE, a K-pop girl group she had admired from afar. In that instant, Y/N made a promise to herself. She vowed to fight, to keep going, and to one day stand on that stage, sharing her own story with the world. She clung to the music, finding solace and inspiration in TWICE's songs. They became her lifeline, her guiding light in the darkness. Years passed, and her love for music grew stronger. She dedicated herself to honing her skills, attending auditions and tirelessly practising. And then, one day, her phone rang. It was a call from JYP Entertainment, one of the biggest entertainment companies in South Korea (I'd die if I received a call from JYP~).

Y/N's heart raced as she listened to the voice on the other end of the line. She had been selected to join a new girl group. It was an opportunity of a lifetime, a chance to make her dreams come true. But with the excitement came a surge of fear and doubt. Would she be able to handle the pressures of being an idol? Could she face the world with a smile while still battling her inner demons? She had to take a deep breath, steeling herself for the challenges that lay ahead. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she was set on giving it her all. She joined TWICE as the youngest member of the group. To her new bandmates, she was just a bright-eyed girl with dreams in her eyes. They had no idea of the battles she had fought in the shadows. As the days turned into weeks, the maknae found herself surrounded by a group of supportive and caring individuals. TWICE became her second family, her pillars of strength. They laughed together, cried together, and shared their hopes and fears. That made TWICE's honey feel a sense of belonging she had never experienced before.

However, the darkness lingered. There were days when Y/N felt overwhelmed when the weight of her past threatened to consume her once again. But every time she felt herself slipping, TWICE was there to catch her. They held her hand through the storm, their love and support anchoring her in the present. Gradually, TWICE's angel confidence began to grow. She embraced her role as the maknae of the group, bringing joy and energy to their performances. With every step she took on stage, she converted her pain into passion, pouring her heart out in every note. One day, as TWICE prepared for a comeback, the youngest found herself sitting in a quiet corner of the practice room. The memories of her past weighed heavily on her shoulders, threatening to pull her back into the abyss. Tears streamed down her face as she battled the demons that still haunted her. But then, the door swung open, and one by one, the members of TWICE filed in. They noticed their little sister's distress, their eyes filled with concern. Without a word, they gathered around her, enveloping her in a warm embrace. At that moment, Y/N realized that she was not alone. She had a support system, a group of friends who loved her unconditionally.

Together, they wiped away her tears and reaffirmed their unwavering support. Y/N shared her story, the pain and darkness that had threatened to consume her. And as she spoke, TWICE listened, their hearts breaking for the girl they had come to love. From that day forward, she vowed to be open about her struggles. She became a supporter of mental health programs, using her power as an idol to spread awareness and support those who were fighting their own battles. TWICE stood by her side, using their influence to make a difference in the lives of their fans. Y/N's journey was far from over, but she had found a lifeline in TWICE. They had unknowingly saved her life, giving her the strength to keep going, to fight for a brighter future. And together, they stood as a testament to the power of friendship, love, and the healing magic of music. And every time TWICE looked at their champion, (as they started calling her after that heart-to-heart talk) they could only have one thought:

We are proud of our dear maknae.

A/N: I apologise for any errors, English is not my first language. Pls, let me know if there's something wrong, ty for reading <3

[symbioticsimplicity]

My last post has me thinking entirely too much about Buffy as a character.

On the surface, she’s a bright, bubbly girl with a little bit of an awkward streak and a lot of enthusiasm. She wears trendy clothes and does her makeup to look cute and youthful. She’s a natural blonde and she seemingly suits the stereotypes.

But in the same way that a vampire’s human face hides their demon face, Buffy’s appearance masks a lot of who she actually is.

She’s bright, certainly, but she’s bright like the sun. She’s brilliant and dazzling, and she’s burn anyone who doesn’t know how to handle her intensity. She can be absolutely merciless, just like the sun, a force of nature that simply is.

She’s bubbly, but that playfulness is only at it’s truest peak when she’s on the hunt. Think about how much time she spends quipping and taunting opponents. She likes to play with her kills, even if she’d never recognize that that’s what she’s doing. She does it whenever she sees herself as engaged in battle, no matter the kind of battle she’s in. When she’s first engaging with Cordelia she’s a little off-kilter with her, when we know Buffy excells at snappy remarks, right up until Cordelia more or less declares them enemies. Then suddenly she’s back on her game.

She’s the Chosen Champion, and she’s a glorious flame because of it, burning bright and furious and she will destroy anything foolish enough to cross her. She always does, but not at all because she’s the Slayer. It’s because of Buffy herself. She’s the most untrained Slayer shown in the show, the most unrulely, the most unrelenting and vicious of them all. Some of it is because she’s one of the few Slayers to have had people to protect and care for (though that certainly didn’t save Nikki), but I think the lion’s share is because Buffy herself enjoys doing what she does. Outside of the obviously personally horrible events (Angel, Glory, Warren and Willow I’d say if we’re being honest), she’s usually at her best when she’s got a goal and something to kill. Spike, of all people, is the first and honestly probably the only character to truly recognize and understand this about her.

Buffy spends a lot of time trying to deny this, or temper it when it’s clear she can’t deny it. The show pushes the narrative that this is what makes her good, not giving into her dark side, not accepting that it exists as a part of her and fighting it at all times. They give it all sorts of metaphorical shapes to take in the form of Faith and Spike, or her fears of becoming a vampire (having no control of her darkness anymore because a demon would then be driving her). It’s clear that Buffy wants to embrace this part of herself, she wants to help Faith (up until she can’t anymore), she conquers her fear of turning, she falls in love with Spike. And yet, there’s still never really any moment of Buffy letting herself be that shade darker that she wants to be.

While I think this is largely due to a black and white morality mentality in the writing room, ignoring that it has interesting implications about Buffy herself. About honestly probably her most defining characteristic.

The refusal to give up.

Buffy gets knocked down time and again. The story beats the absolute living hell out of her on a regular basis without much help to handle the emotional toll and certainly no breaks. She’s died twice, one experience being vastly worse than the other and resulting in severe depression. She’s held the world on her shoulders for years and years now and never let a single thing about it defeat her, even when it tore her apart to do so.

She made the decision never to let that part of herself reign, and she’s going to stick to it. I personally think she knows all of this about herself and thinks that if she allowed herself a little freedom she might just get out of hand. Since it’s something she’d craved for years now, and knowing just how dangerous she actually is, knowing that nothing short of a Hell God can take her out, she refuses to let that become even a faint possibility. While I think this is a fear of her’s rather than a likely scenario, it’s amazing to me. She’s protecting everyone from everything once again, even herself. She won’t let herself have something that would arguably be good for her, because she’s worried about how much of a danger she could pose if she ever took it too far. Resisting her nature to avoid causing the kind of damage she’s supposed to prevent. Honestly she, Angel, and Spike could have hours long conversations about that and I think they should.

[cor-onus-grave-est]

Muses

CC:

Geto Suguru: Depressed, Cult, and Pre Toji

I have a preference for PTSD/Depressed Suguru. He's more of a stickler, struggling with his own demons while being functional in the JJK world. This version of Suguru is least likely to enter a romantic relationship and is extremely selective. Platonic relationships are preferred. Poor depressed Suguru craves connection but has trouble accepting any form of it. Expect him making art or spending time in nature to cope.

Charismatic Cult Leader Suguru is my second favorite. I do tons of research on psychology and would have plenty of fun using him. He is clearly racist against non sorceress, charismatic, selfish, controlling, domineering and helpful depending on his goals. Do you wants your crumbs of attention to feel like heaven? This is your guy. Cult Suguru is the most likely to put himself in a romantic situation for his own personal gain. He is the most extraverted version of himself.

Pre Toji Is a well mannered Suguru who prioritizes helping others. He plays by the rules and shares his opinion when he feels appropriate. He's a good boy and a happy boy. He deeply cares about culture and loves to read. Romantic relationships will have to be built from the ground up. Be prepared for observant nature. He's also terrible at basketball, he just doesn't know it yet.

Gojo Satoru:

More often then not my version is off bothering someone or making a joke. The more serious versions of Gojo will appear when discussed outside the rp or when appropriate. Gojo is arrogant, intelligent, powerful, and goofy.

Shoko Ieiri:

Shoko doesn't fight much in the series. She is JJK's designated healer as she is the only one who can expertly heal others with her reverse cursed technique. She is a heavy drinker and relapsed into being a heavy smoker as of recent. Despite cheating on her exam to become a doctor, she has vast knowledge on how the body is affected by the Jujutsu World.

Loid Forger:

Loid Forger, code name twilight, is a spy undercover as a family man. His goal in life is to provide a safer world/country for future generations. He's diligent, talented in hand-to-hand combat and firearms, charming, analytical, focused and a master of disguise. My version of Loid suffers from generalized anxiety that manifests through overplanning.

Tanjiro Kamado

I chose to rp him because he is the most emotionally healthy character i have seen in anime. He is incredibly empathetic, well mannered, good natured, and understanding. Tanjiro also displays loyalty, courage, and diligence. This best boy needs a trophy. His most notable traits is his sense of smell.

OC's: Each deserve their own post. If there isn't a link, I am working on them.

Maya Honda, here is the link

(Source: )

--More to come--

[eriellesudario]

The Loneliest Girl In The Universe // A Space!Au of our lives

​​While I was at Melbourne for Vidcon Australia, I’ve decided to go to a bookstore before watching The Book of Mormon at the Princess Theatre with the family. We passed by the Hill of Content Bookstore at Bourke Street and whilst I was looking around, one book caught my eye and it’s called ‘The Loneliest Girl in the Universe’. I picked up the book and read the blurb in the back and what caught my attention was this quote at the top:

I immediately posted this on Snapchat (? Cutiejea) and read it a week later after Vidcon.

I got the book because after reading the description at the back, it talks about online friendships/romances and may depict some themes of depression, mental illness, and what it’s like to be alone and isolated. Plus the title relates to me at some personal degree.

On the 15th of September (a week after my purchase), I’ve decided to read it and after finishing the book just recently, I have to say…. I quite enjoyed it. But what I liked most about reading the book is how much I could relate to the protagonist and how the way the two characters interact via online means of communication is fairly accurate to what I’ve experienced in the past.

And now… I’m writing my thoughts on the novel.

About the Novel

The Loneliest Girl in the Universe is a book written by Lauren James who resides in the United Kingdom. The book is her first standalone novel, published in September 7 2017, and it was inspired by a Physics calculation that the author was assigned when she was at university (Source: Godreads). The author has studied Physics and Chemistry at University of Nottingham and started writing fictional stories whilst she was in her secondary education.

The book follows Romy Silvers, the 16 year old commander and the only survivor of The Infinity spacecraft. Her parents died whilst she was 11 and she has 20 years to go before she arrives at Earth II. She talks to her therapist Molly, via email and audio transmissions, to help her cope from her loneliness, anxiety, depression, and the nightmares she’s been receiving. Before things got bad back on Earth, a second ship was sent to connect with The Infinity, the Eternity. In it was a passenger named ‘J’ and the two talk to each other via email communications about their concerns about Earth and their journey to the new planet. But as time passes, Romy begins to fall in love with this online stranger and wonders what would happen when they meet in real life.

The way the book it’s structured, some chapters are long, like your average 8 – 10 pages; but a majority of the book are at least 1 – 3 pages long. This kinda made me upset but knowing on what the story is about and how each events play out as the chapters are set up in days and hours, it makes sense.

One of the things that I enjoyed about the book is the email exchanges between Romy and J and Romy’s thoughts during the wait before each message arrives. You’d get invested to what they say to each other and you can see how much Romy needs J in order to fight her demons and nightmares. But you also worry for her since her entire reality is based on fiction. She was born in space, hence everything she knows is based on what her parents taught her and what she sees in saved videos and other forms of media in her hard drives.

This book is a Sci-Fi romance novel and I have to admit, this was the first Sci-Fi book I’ve ever read. I’ve read a handful of YA romance books in the past such as The Fault in our Stars, If I Stay, and a few manga series as well such as Fruits Baskets and Full Moon O Sagashite. It didn’t turn me off knowing that the story would be set in space, but what concerned me is that I might not get the terminology used. Luckily, the terms are easy to understand and you wont get lost in the terminology

How this book can relate to us (WARNING… SPOILERS)

When I first got this book, I though it would be just an interesting read as I just got hooked by the title and blurb alone. But once I got through a few chapters, I felt like we can all relate to Romy and her journey in The Infinity, as well as her interactions with J.

Romy Silvers

Romy in the book has an interest in writing fan fiction to cope with her loneliness as well as to bring her thoughts to life through text. She writes down how she’s feeling in forms of fiction and it helps calm her down.

 It’s also mentioned in the book on how she created this mini dream life through food packets about the life she wishes to have. She she lives through this exaggerated idea about how her life would be like if she wasn’t alone and makes sense since her only life revolves around the ship. I know I can’t speak for everyone, but I know there a few fan fiction writers out there who write stories of their favourite characters as a way to experiment with certain ideas. I’ve met a couple of fan artist who make art as a way to cope with whatever what’s going on with their reality.

If I could quote Dan Howell, ‘Fan Fiction is a creative hobby. Would you rather let your child do drugs or write?’.

Online Communication

One of the events that occurred in the book is when both Romy and J have their first audio call. Everything that occurred in that chapter is fairly accurate. Being nervous and speechless due to joy and excitement, I guess first calls aren’t something to be very excited about. But if the person on the other side is someone you’ve been talking to for quite some time, then those feelings could appear during the anticipation.

Does this scenario sound familiar to you:

You sit on front of your computer screen or mobile phone. You log in to Skype, added the person and press that phone button that says ‘Start call’. Time slows down between the connection time and ringing. In your head, it’s filled with both excitement to hear this person for the first time, but also fearful as well since you don’t know who’s at the other side. Once the first person says ‘hello’, you’re smiling and covering your mouth. You grin so widely and/or your heart begins to beat really fast due to sheer excitement.

Then there is the email communication. Romy uses it in order to contact people and she cherishes each message she receives since they take months before the messages arrive from point A to point B. It allows her to be in touch with the people she finds comfort with. Let’s change that with DM’s over on Twitter or Facebook messenger. We all talk to random strangers on the internet to seek comfort when life gets rough at home or at school. You do it to connect with people with similar interest and stories as you.

The idea of loneliness and isolation

One of the things I enjoyed reading in this book is how the author talks about the idea of being alone and isolated. People have different experiences when it comes to this but at least half of whats’ depicted in the book, we could somewhat relate to it… mostly the ones involving love and romance.

For me, I will not explain a lot for this part since it’s gets really personal. All I can say is that, yes, you do invest a lot of time when it comes to love and romance and currently for my experience, it did lead to a lot of pain.

Other forms of loneliness depicted in the book is being literally alone in one small area (as Romy is the only survivor), survival (since her actions will determine if she lives or dies), and a few others that I won’t go on with. Up to you to find out for yourself.

And this is just some of the few ways on how this book could relate to you. We have experienced some of these things at some point in our lives and the way it’s described in the book, it’s close to how it actually happens in real life, to what we have been through… but set in space.

Definitely a Space!Au of our reality.

Overall thoughts

The book was quite enjoyable and I recommend you guys to read it. The plot can relate to those who made online friendships but it also explores the ideas of trust, loneliness and mental illness. This story takes the Science fiction genre and mixed it with your usual YA romance novel.

Think of it as Full Moon O Sagashite mixed up with Star Trek.

If the author ends up seeing this review, I want to say that I almost cried when I was reading this as past memories started to play in my head every time I read the email exchanges between Romy and J. It’s similar to what I’ve sent in the past, hence why I enjoyed it.

I made a Spotify playlist filled with songs that could relate to the story in the book. I recommend listening while reading if you want to get fully invested to the story.

I give it a rating of 4/5. It’s a good start for those who wants to try to get into the Sci-Fi genre without getting lost with the terminology, but also want something that hits close to home. It’s a story that we as readers could relate to, but feel like we’re part of this space adventure with Romy.

[therealvinelle]

I've always wondered this, but what do you think the Cullen's political viewpoints would be, given their individual backgrounds? if vampires don't change after they turn, then surely they would all be extremely racist (especially Jasper). would this not come up at some point? they aren't like the Volturi because the Volturi are too old to care, but the Cullens are young enough that they have been brought up with opinions on stuff like sexism, racism, homophobia and the like.

Oh fuck.

You get an early answer because otherwise I'll just chicken out and delete this one, pretend I never saw it.

UMMM.

Since I'm guessing you meant American political viewpoints, we need a disclaimer. I am not American, and not too knowledgeable about your politics. Not just in the sense that I don't follow the day-to-day drama, but as I am not an American citizen there are several things I don't know, can't know because I've never lived in your country and therefore can't know what the effects of living in a country ruled by American policies is like. What I do know is based off of the news in the foreign section, social media (by which I mean tumblr posts), and Trevor Noah's Daily Show.

I am an outsider looking in.

Which is really rather appropriate, since the Cullens are too.

The Cullens go to high school and college, Carlisle works, they pay taxes, they own real estate, and submerge themselves in American culture. Esme, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, and Bella are young enough that this is in many ways their world, and apart from timeouts they've more or less spent their entire lives, human and vampire, integrated into American society.

Not fully integrated, mind you, they do what they need to to fit in and get to school or, in Carlisle’s case, to work. They go no further. No extra-curriculars for the kids, no book clubs for Esme, no game nights for Carlisle. They walk parallel to humans, not among us.

In addition to this they're obscenely rich, which puts them another thousand miles from the experiences of your average American. They won't deal with the health system, which means healthcare is a non-issue, they're not going to need welfare or other social programs, unemployment is another non-issue. Name your issue, and the Cullens don't have personal stake in it. Even the climate crisis won't be a problem for them the way it will for us.

What I'm trying to say is, American political issues are a concept to them, not a lived reality. Just like they are for me. So hey, you made a great choice of blog to ask.

I'll also add here that you say the Volturi are too old to care, and I agree- from an ancient's point of view, racism is a matter of "which ethnicity are we hating today?", and it all looks rather arbitrary after a while. Same with every other issue - after a while it all just blends together into "what are the humans fighting over today? Which Christian denomination is the correct one? Huh. Good for them, I guess."

I can't put it any better than this post did, really. The Volturi are real people, humans are nerds and tumblr having Loki discourse. Aro thinks it's delightful and knows entirely too much about Watergate (and let's be real, Loki discourse as well), but the point I wanted to get at is that politics really don't matter to vampires.

And I don't think they matter to the Cullens either.

So, moving on to the next point while regretting I didn't put headlines in this post, I'll just state that I don't think vampires' minds are frozen. Their brains are unable to develop further, and they can never forget anything, but... well, this isn't the post for that, but in order for this to be true of vampires they would barely be sentient. They would not be able to process new impressions, to learn new things, nor to have an independent thought process. Yes, we see vampires in-universe (namely, Edward, who romanticizes himself and vampires) believe they're frozen and can never change, but there is no indication that this is a widespread belief, or even true. Quite the contrary - Carlisle went from a preacher's son who wanted to burn all the demons to living in Demon Capital for decades and then becoming a doctor and making a whole family of demons. Clearly, the guy has had a change in attitude over the years. Jasper, in his years as a newborn army general, slowly grew disenchanted with his life and developed depression. James initially meant to kill Victoria and hunted her across the earth, then became fascinated and changed his mind about it.

Had these people been incapable of change, Carlisle would still be hating demons, Jasper would be in Maria's army, and James would still be hunting Victoria.

It goes to follow, then, that they are able to adapt to new things.

The question is, would they?

Here I finally answer your question.

So, we have these people who don't really have any kind of stake in politics, who keep up to date all the same (or are forcibly kept up to date because high school) and are generally opinionated people.

Where do they then fall, politically?

(And this is where you might want to stop reading, anon, because I'm about to eviscerate these people.)

Alice votes for whoever's gonna win. She also makes a fortune off of betting each election. Trump's 1 to 10 victory in 2016 was a great day to be Alice. MAGA!

The actual policies involved are completely irrelevant, she does this because it's fun. Election means she gets to throw parties. Color coded parties for the Republican and Democratic primaries, and US-themed parties for Election Night! (Foreigner moment right here: I at first wrote "Election wake" before realizing that's not what y'all murricans call it.)

Alice loves politics. Doesn't know the issues, but she sure loves politics.

Bella votes Democrat. She actually knows about the issues, and cares about them. This girl is a Democrat through and through.

Carlisle doesn't vote. I can't imagine it feels right. Outside of faked papers he's not a US citizen, this is meddling in human affairs that he knows don't concern him.

More, this guy has never lived in a democracy.

In life, Carlisle lived under an absolute monarchy that, upon civil war, became an absolute theocracy. From there he learned that vampires live under a total dictatorship.

For the first 150 years of his life, democracy was that funky thing the Athenians did in history books thousands of years ago, no more relevant to him than the Ancient Egyptian monarchy is to me. Then the Americans, and later other European countries started doing this.

Good for them.

There's this mistake often made by those who view history from a... for lack of a better term, a solipsistic standpoint. A belief that the present day is the culmination of all of history. “My society is the best society, the most reasonable society; all the others had it backwards. Thank god we’re living in this enlightened age!”

The faith in our current system of government is one such belief. We (pardon me if this doesn’t apply to everybody reading this post) have grown up in democracies, being told this is the ultimate form of rule, and perhaps that is true - but remember the kings who have told their subjects they had were divine and the best possible ruler based on that. Remember also that most modern democracies haven’t actually been democracies for very long at all, America is the longest standing at some 230 years (not long at all in the grand scope of things) and they have a fracturing two-party system to show for it.

Every society, ever, has been told they’re the greatest, and their system of government the most just. Democracy is only the latest hit.

This is relevant to Carlisle because he’s immortal and decidedly not modern. Democracy has not been installed in him the way it was the rest of the Cullens, Jasper included. To him- well, it’s just not his world. He has no stakes in our human politics, and as he is older than every current democracy and has seen quite a few of them fall, he’s not going to internalize the democratic form of rule the way a modern human has.

I think the concept of voting is foreign to him.

It requires a level of participation in human society that he’s simply not at. He does the bare minimum to appear human so he do the work he loves, but nothing more, and I find that telling.

As it is I think he'd be iffy about his family doing it. He won’t stop them, but in voting they’re... well it’s kind of cheating. They’re not really citizens, none of this will affect them, and by voting they’re drowning out the votes of real human voters. He does not approve.

Edward votes Democrat. He's... well he’s the kind of guy who will oil a girl’s bedroom window so he can more easily watch her sleep without being discovered, justifying it to himself as being okay because if she were to tell him to get lost he’d stop immediately. Same guy is so sure that he’d leave and never return again if she wanted him to, except this is the man who returned to Forks to hang around his singer, knowing there was a significant chance he might kill her. To say nothing of his Madonna/Whore complex, or of the fact that he tried to pimp out his wife twice, and was willing to forcibly abort her child.

This guy is very much in love with chivalry, with being an enlightened and feminist man who supports and respects women, while not understanding the entire point of feminism, which is female liberation.

He votes Democrat because he’s such an enlightened feminist who cares about women’s rights.

Emmett doesn’t care to vote, but if he has to he votes Republican. The guy is from the 1930′s, and has major would-be-the-uncle-who-cracks-racist-jokes-if-he-was-older vibes.

Esme doesn’t vote, that would require getting out of the house.

More, I just... can’t see it. I can’t see her being one to read up on politics and The Issues, period, but if she has to then I doubt she’d be able to decide.

Jasper doesn’t vote. Alice can have her fun, he does not care.

There’s also the whole can of worms regarding the last time he went to bat for American politics.

I imagine he stays out of this.

Renesmée doesn't vote. She has no stock in the human affairs. Who would she vote for, on what grounds? When Bella tries to pull her to the urns, she points out that she's three years old.

Rosalie, guys, I’m sorry, but that girl is definitely gonna vote Republican. Perhaps not right now as it’s become the Trump party of insanity, but the Mitt Romney type of Republicans? Oh yes.

And for the record, yes I imagine she does vote. To step back from politics would be another way she was relinquishing her humanity, and that’s not allowed to happen. So, yes, she goes to the urns, less for the sake of the politics involved and more because like this, she’s still a part of society in some way.

Now, onto why I think she’s Republican, I think it’s both fiscal and social.

This girl was the daughter of a banker who somehow profited off of the Depression, and who then became part of a family with no material needs that would soon become billionaires thanks to Alice. Poverty to Rosalie is a non-issue, as it is I imagine she views it as a much lesser issue than what she’s had to deal with. The humans can pull themselves up by their bootstraps, Rosalie’s infertility is forever.

Rosalie’s empathy is strongest when she’s able to project onto others, and she won’t be able to project onto the less fortunate at all.

Then there’s the fact that the Republican party is all about traditional family values, and pro-life.

Rosalie, a woman from the 1930′s who idolizes her human life and who‘d love nothing more than to get to live out this fantasy, is down for that. And as of Breaking Dawn she’s vocally pro-life, so there’s that.

This all being said I don’t think Rosalie cares to sit down and fully understand these politics she’s voting for, the possible impact they’ll have- that’s not important. What’s important is what voting does for her.

TL;DR: I bet anon regrets asking.

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 21, part one

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff) (Previous Post)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Reunions

All together in The Unclean Realm, The Yunmeng trio find a spot inside where they can sit down and have a proper Yanli-Wuxian reunion, while Jiang Cheng sits across the table watching them. 

For years Jiang Cheng has been rejecting Wei Wuxian's free and easy affection; now Yanli might be the only person Wei Wuxian offers to hug until Wen Yuan comes into his life.

Jiang Cheng is really going through it. He'll do nearly anything for Yanli--except, uh, stay in the goddamn inn with her when she's sick and the Wens are hunting them--and what makes her happiest is Wei Wuxian. He's brought them together, and so he's happy, even though he's excluded from their dynamic. This absolutely fucking kills me.

Here Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian are sweetly pledging to always keep the trio together and put each other first. Neither of them will keep this promise. 

Wei Wuxian will leave first, to take the Wens to the Burial Mounds. Jiang Yanli will leave second, staying in Lanling at Jin Zixuan's request instead of accompanying Jiang Cheng to retrieve Wei Wuxian. Jiang Cheng will be the last to let go.

(more after the cut)

Nie Huaisang comes literally running in, filled with joy at Wei Wuxian's return. When he goes to pat his shoulder Wei Wuxian flinches away.

I feel like something important is happening in this rapid sequence of glances and expressions between Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang. NHS is startled, and WWX realizes he's shown something about himself that he didn't want to show. He glances at Jiang Cheng and back at NHS before laughing and covering his slip with a squeeze of NHS’s hand.

NHS switches from shocked to cheerful just as quickly, helping with the coverup. It’s like they have a quick mutual agreement, rooted in their history of shared shenanigans, to not point out that something is wrong.

Meanwhile, Lan Wangji is wandering around the grounds, having feelings. At this point it's presumably been at least a couple of weeks since their breakup fight. 

He sees Wei Wuxian sitting contemplating his flute, and as he sees him he goes from sort of neutrally apprehensive to full on angry judging, complete with sword clenching. 

Part of this may be that his feelings are hurt over their fight, but the larger issue is his distress over Wei Wuxian's apparent heretical cultivation.  That, at any rate, is what's on his mind when he's selecting music, later in the episode, and when he's selecting flashbacks. 

Party Time

Later, the Nies host an excruciating party to celebrate Wei Wuxian's slaughter of Wen Chao return. Jiang Yanli is sharing a table with Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng is sharing a table with his crippling social anxiety. 

Everyone starts grilling Wei Wuxian about his sword, because that's suddenly all anybody cares about even though Jiang Yanli, Nie Huaisang, Meng Yao, and probably plenty of other people don't carry swords most of the time.

Wei Wuxian says "after the Wens caught me, Wen Zhuliu crushed my core, so I can't use my sword any more, too bad so sad, can we change the subject?" And everyone is very understanding and admires his resiliency. HA HA HA HA HA. Of course he doesn't opt for that simple lie, but instead mopes audibly without saying anything.

Nie Huasiang tries to change the subject by asking how he killed Wen Chao. Apparently "I had a sexy ghost mostly flay him" isn't good party chat, though, so neither Wei Wuxian nor Jiang Cheng opts to tell the story. 

Everyone lapses into awkward silence, all the more noticeable because there are no dancers, musicians, or entertainers of any kind at this event. OP has gone to audit-kickoff meetings that were more fun than cultivator banquets.

Moment of Clarity

While the awkwardness builds, we hear the sounds of the Song of Clarity. Lan Wangji is skipping the party, which is part of why Wei Wuxian is so mopey. But instead of sitting and stewing in his anger, Lan Wangji has shifted gears, and is starting to work on his "save Wei Wuxian's soul" plan.

This isn't the God-botherer version of soul saving, however. Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian disagree about correct practice, but they both are still practitioners within the same spiritual system, and the majority of their beliefs are closely aligned.

Lan Wangji has powerful magic at his disposal, and now he's taking a step back from his plan of forcing persuading Wei Wuxian to give up heterodoxy, and instead he's preparing to use his magic to offset the consequences of Wei Wuxian's choice.

He still isn't ready to accept that choice, but he's working on it. This is a big moment for Lan Wangji's relationship with Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji is a deeply, deeply uncompromising person, as well as being super bossy, and he’s taking his first steps toward supporting Wei Wuxian’s free agency. 

Wei Wuxian leaves the party in the middle of Yao's toast, saying "I have to see you and your lover all over my tumblr dashboard but I am NOT going to listen to you talk!" He takes his wine to go roam around near Lan Wangji's quarters to pine and feel conflicted.  Lan Wangji has thoughtfully set up a projection scrim to catch his shadow and make the pining easier.

Jiang Cheng comes looking for Wei Wuxian, partly to reprimand him for rudeness and partly to see what the hell is wrong with him. Jiang Cheng is trying very hard to be pleasant. He's bad at it, but he's trying.

Wei Wuxian is trying to be unpleasant and he's pretty good at it. He won't say why he isn't using his sword. He’s obviously super fucking depressed about it, calling his former self childish for liking to spar, and only smiling once during the whole exchange.

He finally tells Jiang Cheng that he will always want to do the opposite of what Jiang Cheng tells him.  Jiang Cheng lets this go with an eyeroll.

(Point Break Quote Alert)

But actually this is a sign of trouble, right here in River City, with a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for abandoning the Jiang Clan. Wei Wuxian has just told Jiang Cheng he has no intention of obeying him; not just about the sword, but in general. That's no way for a disciple to talk. 

OP has nothing to say about this gif. OP watches gif over and over and over and over

Wei Wuxian ends the conversation by tapping Jiang Cheng's chest with his flute and then walking away. The (still nameless) flute has no problem with this - does it, like Subian, recognize Jiang Cheng as an extension of Wei Wuxian?

The next day, Wei Wuxian is chilling in his room, looking ungodly sexy in his bold slashed robe, holy frack. I mean, he is sex-on-toast at all times, but the cut of his post-burial-mounds combo is particularly heart-stopping when he decides to stick a knee or two out. 

He's meditating and flashing back to being in the burial mounds, where he was also meditating. I admire his ability to fractally meditate about meditating. 

Chenqing

He didn't put a sock on the doorknob, so Jiang Yanli comes in and startles him. He brandishes his flute at her before calming down. The flute definitely does not see her as an extension of Wei Wuxian, because when she touches it, it smokes and then knocks her out of the frame so fast it's comical.

Did they put her in a jerk vest for that shot?

Wei Wuxian hides the flute from her, freaked out by its behavior. She, however, is unfazed, and gives him the first & only affirmation he's gotten about his new cultivation path, and says the flute is "like Mother's Zidian."  She kind of walks him through the whole "first class spiritual tool" concept, beaming with approval and telling him he must name the flute.  

Jiang Yanli is hardcore Jiang Clan, seriously. Freedom and impossibility. You survived 3 months of mystery trauma and now you're all fucked up? We'll roll with it. You have a demon flute now? Rock on. You're going to use necromancy to beat the other clans in a group hunt? Gold star for you.

He names the flute Chenqing, which @hunxi-guilai​ translates and explains in depth over here.

Bichen

Lan Wangji has finished practicing the Song of Clarity, and regardless of whether it's had an effect on Wei Wuxian, he himself seems much calmer. 

As Wei Wuxian contemplates Chenqing, Lan Wangji contemplates Bichen and remembers Wei Wuxian's assertions about resentful energy way back in Gusu summer school. 

This time when he grips his sword, it's loosely, as if he's made some progress with his anger.

Soup

Jiang Yanli sits Wei Wuxian down for some soup, and talks to him about what's going on with him, saying he's changed. He insists he's fine and works very hard to be convincing.

She's not convinced but says she won't press him, and then abruptly shifts tone and works very hard to act like everything is fine. She leaves, taking a lot of soup with her, and Wei Wuxian remarks that it's unfair she is giving so much to Jiang Cheng. But of course, some of it is secretly for Jin Zixuan.

Everything isn't fine, as Wei Wuxian scream-meditates with resentful energy just rolling off of him. He's got some of the dark energy stored in the Yin sword in his bag of holding, but I get the impression that a lot of it is just stored in his body.

Club Ruohan

At some point in the episode we stop in to check on Wen Ruohan. He and his wind machine are mad that Wen Chao is dead. 

Meanwhile, his interpretive dances with the Yin iron now turn his puppets into...Klingons? Sure, why not. 

Literal Stand-Up Meeting 

Jiang Cheng needs Wei Wuxian at games night a meeting and comes running to Jiang Yanli to find him. He is freaking out and she tells him to chill. 

No matter what fuckery is going on in the world, Jiang Yanli is going to find herself a nice little outdoor table and she is going to sit her ass down and have some tea and civilized lady activity. Queen.

This shot of the meeting is composed so nicely. The blocking (placement of actors) in this scene encapsulates the familial dynamics, and I’ll talk about that as soon as I finish admiring Jiang Cheng’s proportions. 

Here we have four clans represented by four family pairs around the game war table. The Jin cousins, despite their differing personalities, are side by side, matchy-matchy, in lockstep. Jin Zixuan lets Jin Zixun do the talking for him, so maintains his own rep as a reasonable guy.  

The Nie brothers are even closer together, also in matching greys, Nie Huaisang giving all of his attention to his brother/clan leader. You can see his careful watching of his brother's temper...not fearful for himself, but fearful for Mingjue.

The Lan brothers have a growing distance between them; they are in different colors (which is pretty usual for them), and Lan Wangji is standing well away from his brother and the rest of the group. Partly this is his personality, but it's also symbolic of his growing distance from his brother and other proper cultivators. He's carrying WWX-related secrets, and he's wrestling with what he's learned.  

While Nie Huaisang is looking at Mingjue, Lan Xichen is turning around to see what's up with his own volatile sibling.

Lastly you have Jiang Cheng, alone in the room, with his shidi nowhere to be found, and seriously feeling the heat because of his isolation. 

He's alone in his purple, but the color value (lightness/darkness) of his robes exactly matches Xichen's. 

And Xichen, bless him, makes a point of speaking to him respectfully as a fellow clan leader, gives him a path out of the "where is your brother" conversation, and is just generally his kind and helpful self with Jiang Cheng.

Next: Awkwardness Increases!

[captainstarkky]

Doom at Your Service - An Appreciation Post

Before starting this lengthy post about how I love this drama, I would just like to commend the writer - Im Meari. She has done a wonderful job with this series. I am sad that Episode 10, which was supposed to be the most meaningful episode - had the lowest ratings in Korean media.  But still the whole drama as a while was a masterpiece. What can I say? It is philosophical and poetic at the same time. It entails too many meanings and it has born too many questions.

For me, the whole series is the journey to acceptance.

And Myeol Mang represents that.

When we are faced with an imminent death or destruction, our first reaction is to get angry, frustrated. That’s a normal emotional response to a bad news for humans. If you are in the right head, you will obviously cry or either space out, unable to talk for a few minutes. That is how we get frustrated, that is how we get angry.

And remember what Myul Mang said?

“No one could love me. Everyone either resent me or wants me. Or some fear me.”

It roughly translates to layterm as: ‘...everyone resents me’ (no one wants to die) “...wants me” (some wants to die)... “or some fear me.” (everyone is afraid to die)

That’s quite familiar, right? Hmmm? Now proceed.

Now there is actually a theory that talks about grief. It is a psychological construct that has been proposed to explain why people react the way they react when posed with an information they can’t accept. It is a theory of Elizabeth Ross. She called it the 5 Stages of Grief.

According to her, whenever people experience a life changing event - either death, divorce, end of relationship - a person experiences grief and to get out of that, one needs to pass through stages. It is personal and does not entail timelines and schedule - which is harder for someone who has a terminal illness.

Now, some of you might ask: Why and how did you correlate both?

Simple. Because Myeol Mang is destruction. And Tak Dongkyung is dying - she has three months to live, to be specific, she has 50 days to live as of the 10th episode. Therefore, we can say that Tak Dongkyung is currently in this five stages that I’m talking about. 

The story is all about Tak Dongkyung accepting his faith: which is her inevitable death.

By the way, a bit of a trivia, Doom at Your Service wasn’t the only drama who discussed this theory. If you are familiar with Last Romance, the story centers with the theory as well. 

There are five stages of grief as per the theory.

Denial

Denial is the stage where a person still cannot accept the fact that he/she is dying. She may be redirecting her attention elsewhere or she’s just ignoring the fact that she is.

Actually before episode 10, Tak DongKyung is still in the spectrum of denial. She doesn’t accept the fact that she’s dying. Not talking about it is the indication. She prepares to die - writes a bucketlist, clear out whatever is holding her in the world, assures her brother, etc. - but in reality, she doesn’t want to die. She is still in the process of denying the fact that she is dying.

She is basically pushing the idea of Myung Mang to the back of her mind.

That’s why, Myul Mang wants her to speak it out. He wants her to accept it with all her heart; because that’s the only way she could fully love him.

That is also the reason why the Deity told her to LOVE HIM ‘because I created them for you, humans.’

You’re not supposed to hate death and destruction. Because in the end of everything, we are doomed to end anyway. So we got to accept it. We got to love it.

Denial is probably the hardest stage to get over to because you know that there is still a lot you can do before you finally accept it out. That’s probably the reason why she stayed there for the longest time.

Anger

Anger is when you finally considers the idea of dying - but rejects it out. No one wants to die. And if we are faced with the fact, it is only natural to get angry. But to whom?

Tak Dongkyung hated Myul Mang. And she actually makes her point on this fact during the early episodes. 

She blames him for everything - for a moment.

She might’ve been thinking: why me? And honestly I don’t blame her. Out of all the 7 billion people, you are chosen to have a hundred days to live. If I was her, I would get angry too.

But a little food for the mind: Tak Dongkyung isn’t really angry at Myul Mang. She just want to blame someone for her misfortunes, for her cancer. I mean, she is still young and has a full life to live, she still has to take care of her brother and marry him off a good woman, then all of a sudden, she got cancer. All those plans ruined just because of a few words. And a cocky guy shows up outside her apartment announcing that he’s doom - etce tera, etce tera. Again, If I was her, I would be angry at Myul Mang myself.

Because anger helps us cope.

Although she’s pass that stage now, she certainly have his fair points when it comes to getting angry at our Doom.

Bargaining

Bargaining is a temporary truce. We want our life back so we tend to do everything to get it back. Even if we have to bargain with a demon or something. Some people goes back to their faith, some people risk all their possessions to their doctors. Bottomline, we want to have a chance. A fighting chance.

The second Tak Dongkyung entered the contract with Myul Mang, she already started bargaining.

She started thinking what could be her wish. Even if she never materialized them, she thought of them. So since we are talking about wishes, here are her possible wishes:

People would forget about her when she die.

Wanting to live

Happy Ending

For Myul Mang not to get hurt when she’s gone.

End of the world.

But isn’t the wish supposed to be directed to self?

No not necessarily. If you’re in the early stages of bargaining, it might be the case. But as you move to the later stages, your perspective changes and your wishes will center more on your loved ones. You will want them not to get sad when you pass; or good health for them; good fortune. And that will eventually lead you to the fourth stage - which is depression. Because you know that your wishes for them could never come true.

Depression

This is the interesting part.

What is depression? It is the feeling of immense hopelessness especially in her case that she is dying. The fact that your short life will not leave a mark and the fact that you won’t be able t see your loved ones again - that sadness - but to the greater length. To the point of you not being able to function properly in the society.

Where did the depression start? It did not even show in the whole series.

Oh no, it did.

This is the reason why this drama is for those people who can understand social cues - therefore, intelligent people. If you haven’t seen it then it’s a good time to rerun the drama on your laptops.

Tak Dongkyung has always been depressed. She wouldn’t wish the end of the world if she is not.

From the death of her parents, from the constant thoughts of being a burden to her aunt, from her missed interviews, from his brother stopping college, from her sexist boss, from her cheating ex, from her cancer. Everything is just depressing. 

But why can’t we see it?

Depression is a psychological issue. She might present herself as a happy person but there’s no guarantee that she feels the same inside.

That makes sense.

And do you know what’s the peak of her depression? The moment she knew about her sickness. 

The same day she met our handsome Myul Mang.

Acceptance

Acceptance is not necessarily a happy or uplifting stage, for it only means that you are finally in the stage where you have finally made terms with your fate. It is the stage where you’re staring to realize that ‘ah, it’s really here.’

And that, my friends, is the goal of the drama.

Tak Dongkyung who’s always scared, sad, and hated her life must accept it. She must be able to accept her fate and herself. She needs to accept Myul Mang. Her death.

And to be honest, she is making a whole lot of improvement compared to when she was on the previous episodes. She was truthfully falling for Myul Mang and it means that she’s slowly accepting her death.

We can hear her say:

“I’m not scared anymore...”

On the teaser after Episode 10. It can only mean one thing, she is a step closer to acceptance.

Tak Dongkyung’s journey to self-acceptance still is not ending. She still have a few more days.

Technically, she’ll die. But I hope she will not and she will end up with Myul Mang in the end.

With that I would like to make a point: This drama is for philosophical people.

If you cannot understand what is happening, then it’s obvious that you will not be watching it. If you want skinship and lots of cute scenes, then you can watch this - Seo In-guk and Park Bo-young serves us just enough - but you still won’t get it.

You’ll think that it’s going nowhere and eventually drop the drama because all you want is fluff and love story.

I hope it’s not like that.

Just like everyone who shares their thought and theories, breakdowns in here, let us try to read between the lines on what it really wants to tell us.

You will enjoy it, I promise.

[mageofseven]

Thank you both for requesting! I was originally gonna split this up into two posts, one for a good ending and one for a bad ending, but I think I found a way to keep both within this post with how I decided to format it. However, while I was writing Satan's section, I hit the word limit for a post. I didn't even realize that was a thing 😳

Basically, that's why this ask is still gonna be separated into multiple parts, likely 3 but we'll see. I honestly didn't think I'd write this much, but this ask got me so inspired, it's crazy.

So everyone! This is gonna continue off from the pregnancy discovered in this post. If you haven't seen it yet, it's worth a read.

Below is Lucifer, Mammon, and Levi's sections.

Part 2 | Part 3

~

Lucifer:

The man thought he was prepared. He thought.

Lucifer expected all different kinds of physical ailments that he would have to help MC cope through; he didn't expect the ailments to be mental.

He noticed it start around her fourth month. Before that point, the demon was surprised at how calm things were. His Love went through the usual struggles of human pregnancy, like the morning sickness in the first trimester, but that was all. Nothing odd had happened and though he was grateful, Lucifer was also suspicious.

The start was subtle. His Love's spirits had been seeming down, despite keeping a cheerful outlook for all the weeks before this. She was happy for this child and it was infectious, easing the Avatar of Pride's worry about fatherhood and making him look forward to this child as well.

That was shattered when the low spirit had suddenly progressed into a heavy depression. MC couldn't even leave their bed most days and getting her to eat had become a challenge for the first brother.

He simply couldn't understand the sudden nose dive in mood and any questioning came up empty. MC didn't know why she felt what she felt and that scared her.

It was the end of that month when the fear really set in though.

Lucifer had a meeting with Diavolo at the castle. He had laid in bed and cuddled his girlfriend close beforehand, giving her a kiss and promising he'd be back in a couple hours.

He had only been gone for 10 minutes when he got a call from Mammon, who was freaking out. The older brother couldn't fully make out what the second brother was saying, but he heard his Love's name in jumble that was his brother's words so he hung up and rushed back home.

Discovered all six of his brothers in his room, trying to calm a panicked MC, who was screaming and crying on the floor.

The demon rushed to her side, trying to calm her down and figure out just what was happening. His Love clung to him and he could feel the her heart beating as if it meant to break free from her chest and the man felt powerless.

Luckily, it only took about a minute of being in his arms for the woman to stop screaming. She cried in his arms for a while and slowly, her heart beat settled.

Lucifer was so confused. What happened and why? The man shooed his brothers out of the room before carrying his Love back to the bed.

Discovers that after he left, an uneasiness set in that quickly turned into blind panic. The woman didn't even notice the brothers or hear any of their attempts to calm her.

To say that the demon was concerned would be an understatement. He had to convene with Diavolo at once for a new reason.

The man laid with his girlfriend till she fell asleep, exhausted from her previous panic.

Lucifer called his friend and apologized for his absence before explaining the situation. Lord Diavolo, now concerned as well, decided to come to House of Lamentation instead.

The two discussed the issue in his study. The lord listened to his friend's predicament before explaining that this was likely a side affect of MC's angel heritage.

Right now, their baby was trying to form its soul along with its body and the demon child needs dark energies to do so. The woman's body is trying to absorb this dark energy for the child, but her repressed angel spirit is trying to repel it all, causing her own body and soul to fight. Her brain is the battle ground.

The reason it triggered in his absence is likely a psychological thing. Lucifer himself, as all demons do, radiate the very dark spiritual energy his child needs so, despite her soul's rejection, her great trust in her boyfriend gives her feelings of safety and has her mind lend support to her body to absorb the energy the baby needs.

To sum it up, his presence is the only thing keeping his girlfriend and child alive right now.

At this news, the man changes up everything about his schedule to stay near MC. He does all his paperwork at the desk in his room instead of in his study, he stops attending RAD the few days a week he still was at that time, made his meetings with Diavolo limited to only the most important work issues and always take place within his study at House of Lamentation. Sometimes he did have to leave her side, like for said meeting or simply because he had to grab food or use the restroom.

During those times, he'd call one of his brothers in to watch her. The demon had discovered that though her trust in them was not as great as it was in him, that trust still provided somewhat of a psychological cushion for her.

However, though their presence prevented full blown panic, it wasn't enough stop her from crying incessantly.

Most of his brothers could not handle her tears so it was usually Beel or Satan that accompanied her during these times.

It was hard for all of the men to watch, Lucifer included. He couldn't help blaming himself, knowing his carelessness had gotten her into this situation. Still, he had to keep it together for her sake.

The months went by and her belly grew. Lucifer missed that excitement he felt in the beginning of all of it when MC glowed with positivity. Now, unlike the times he was smiling and rubbing her belly as the two cuddled and discussed baby names, the emotionally exhausted demon saw it nothing more than a visual timer, reminding him that this will all be over soon.

Good Ending:

After a long nine months of his Love's mental and emotional suffering, the time finally came. It was late at night, around 3am when his Love awoke with labor pains. Lucifer was already awake and at his desk doing paperwork. He immediately called the doctor that Lord Diavolo had recommended for them before approaching his love and trying to calm her. This was it. It will all be over soon and his human will finally be happy once again.

Five and half hours later, the couple was greeted by a beautiful baby girl. The small baby had her mother's hair, her father's red eyes, and a bit surprisingly, her father's black wings. MC cried as she stared down at her daughter; her tears were accompanied by a smile though. A smile. That was enough for Lucifer, who started to tear up at the scene.

"You did so well, Love." He leaned down and kissed his girlfriend's head, staring down at the baby, now drinking from her mama's chest. "I'm so proud of you."

All the days before this were tortuous for the couple, as well as the rest of the House of Lamentation, but finally some happiness was lighting up the household.

The two end up naming their daughter Ksenia.

Bad End:

The demon sighed. He was at his desk, going through paperwork while his Love slept in bed behind him. It was 1am and though that never used to be such a late time for him, these last few months had him exhausted him. His worry and care for his girlfriend took up most of his energy these past few months. MC was already entering her eighth month of pregnancy. The two were just so close to putting this all behind them and being happy. So close.

Lucifer gave a huff and laid his pen down on the desk. His concentration was waning regardless of how much he fought it. He glanced over his shoulder at MC, watching her sleep peacefully. That's the only way she finds peace anymore, by shutting off her mind and losing consciousness. Every waking moment for her is a heavy one and moments she even perceives that she might be alone causes her heart to race in her chest... all she's knows anymore is that pain and sadness yet she pushes on for the sake of their child.

Lucifer stood up and approached the bed, staring down at his Love with a guilty heart. He leaned down and kissed her forehead as he laid his hand on her round belly. There were so many moments during all of this that... he cursed his child for doing this to her. Never aloud, just within the confines of his heart. It was always followed by a reminder that the fault is his own though, not his child's. Their child didn't make any decision nor was it actively trying to hurt their mother. No, this child exists because of him and MC, because of his choices and carelessness. None of the blame truly falls on his child; it falls on himself.

He gave her belly a gentle stroke, a silent apology to the child he felt that he had wronged. Already, he felt that he was making his previous words ring true; he's a terrible father to his child. The night that MC told him she was pregnant, he confessed this fear to her.

"I should have been better. Now what's stopping me from making the same mistakes with our child?"

"Me." She answered, without missing a beat. "Lucifer, you're not alone anymore. This... we can do this together."

He still remembers those words and they roll through his head every time the fear of fatherhood decides to rear its ugly head within his mind. No matter how scared he is on the inside, no matter what happens now, he cannot let himself be engulfed by it all. No. MC needs him now and he refuses to break for her sake.

The demon steps away from the bed and heads towards the door. He shouldn't leave her, he knew that, but sometimes he just had to. It was maddening, confining himself to his room for months on end. Occasionally, and only when his Love is asleep, he allows himself to step away from the room and head downstairs to his office.

Here he sat at his desk, pulling a bottle of demonus from his drawer. It would probably look bad to anyone finding him drinking alone in his office at a time like this, but the man was stressed and he only gave himself the luxury of doing so every two weeks or so.

The man lost track of time while he was down there and before he knew it, the sun was rising. Lucifer sighed before hiding the bottle back in his desk and went back upstairs to join his girlfriend in bed.

Instead, he found her lying on the wooden floor. He raced up, calling her name and pulling her into his arms to better check her.... she was cold. The demon's eyes widened as he checked for a pulse. None... no pulse, no breath...his Love was gone.

Later, he finds out what happened from Barbatos, who checked into the past for him. His Love awoke in a panic after a nightmare to find herself all alone. The usual panic from that compounded with the fear from the nightmare and it was too much for her heart, causing her to have a heart attack. No one heard her because her last moments were filled with her desperately trying to mute herself because she didn't want him or his brothers to hear and burden them with herself once more.

Lucifer was completely torn about this. In the space of a couple hours, he lost both his girlfriend and his daughter (Barbatos told him) because he left his room at the worst opportunity and because he didn't know she felt that way. The emotionally exhausted man never knew she saw herself as a burden. It never occurred to him that she could actually have believed such a ridiculous thing. But he should have. He should have spoke out more. As many times as he told he loved her, as many times as he told her everything would be okay, he never told her specifically that it was okay to lean on him because he didn't know that she needed to hear that.

And now they're gone. And now Lucifer has to live with feeling like he was both a bad father and a bad boyfriend.

Mammon:

It all started off pretty simple in theory: morning sickness

MC's morning sickness was strong and unfortunately, didn't just happen in the mornings.

The two had to skip a lot of school days at RAD. Lucifer allowed this, but had a hell of a time negotiating with their teachers, especially Mammon's, so they aren't penalized too much for this.

MC really couldn't eat breakfast. Or lunch for that matter. If she tried, she'd end up puking it up before even finishing the meal.

She could eat dinner, but it had to be something pretty light for her stomach.

It became so much more complicated as the pregnancy progressed.

Morning sickness usually ended during the first trimester, but it never actually stopped for MC. In fact, the farther she got into her pregnancy, the less her body could keep down.

This freaked Mammon out and he kept running to Lucifer, asking if there's something, anything he can do to help this.

For a while, all he could do was comfort his weakened human... but it was hard.

During her sixth month, it was hard to even look at MC some days because, despite being pregnant and her belly sticking out, the woman had actually lost weight since becoming pregnant; other than her growing belly, she was all skin and bones. Her legs, arms, even her face, all boney and sunken. She started to look as if the life was being sucked out her.

Somehow, the human stayed cheerful. Honestly, her boyfriend didn't understand it; their baby was practically starving her, but she still smiled.

The only time she showed any fear was when she'd tell Mammon how worried she was for their baby; she hadn't felt it kick yet and she was worried it was too weak to do it.

Everytime she spoke this worry, Mammon would hold her close and start rubbing her belly.

"Now, don't go talking like that." He leaned in and laid a kiss to her temple. "Baby is gonna fine."

"But they--"

"But nothin', babe. You know it's a bit on the early side for that anyhow."

"It's early for others to feel something, but I should have felt something before this, a flutter or something but they--"

Tears poured down her cheeks, breaking her man's heart. Mammon froze for a moment before leaning in with a kiss.

"A-Are you sure they'll be okay?" She sniffled, looking up into his eyes.

"Of course, you think I'd lie to you?" He asked before giving her belly a gentle rub. "Look how our kid has grown already! If something went wrong, they wouldn't still be growing, now would they?"

"I... I guess."

Despite everything he said, the Avatar of Greed was scared shitless. What if she was right and something already went wrong? What if he already failed her and his kid? Those thoughts were too much for him though so he did whatever he could to push them aside.

It was during her seventh month when Lucifer discovered a potion she could try, one that could help with the nausea and help her keep more food down.

Mammon had to give it to her every morning, but it helped her keep most of her meals down and regain her strength.

The first few days, they kept her on light meals just in case, but afterwards, she had free reign to eat whatever she craved.

This was when the late night food runs started happening. In all honesty, Mammon never thought he'd be so grateful to be woken up at 2am to get weird food combos like ice cream and beef jerky (MC seemed to have a thing for sweet 'n salty food combos).

Things were finally starting to seem okay; MC was eating, regaining her weight, and just seemed so happy. Not forced positivity, but some real happiness.

Then, around half way done with her 7th month, it happened. MC was sitting in the living room with Mammon and a couple of his brothers she suddenly gasped.

"M-Mammon!"

The man jumped up and rushed to her side. All of the brothers were now standing too, alarmed.

"Shit! What's wrong??"

She grabbed his hand his hand and laid it on her belly. He gave her a confused look for a moment till it happened. A kick! Their baby actually kicked!

MC cried, but also smiled as she saw his face light up.

"Holy-- see! I told you our kid was alright!" He grinned. "Just goes to show that you need to be trusting The Great Mammon more!"

The other brothers settled back down in their seats. Beel actually smiled at the happy couple, grateful that things seem to be turning around for them.

Good Ending:

The rest of the pregnancy went smoothly, thanks to the potion. The couple's worries seemed to disappear for the most part. MC was eating again and healthier; their baby was kicking and seemed pretty lively. There were even nights where the kid kept their mother up (and in turn, their father) with all their kicks and movements, but they were glad to trade sleepless nights for the confirmation that their child was healthy too.

It was her 39 week, just barely missing the nine month mark, when MC went into labor. Mammon panicked in the beginning, causing MC to have to calm him down through her labor pains. The demon eventually got a grip on himself and started helping his girlfriend. After six hours of labor, the couple was greeted with a baby girl, who had her daddy's white hair, her mama's eyes, and surprisingly, two little nubs on her head, which will likely grow into horns just like her dad's. The couple cried along side their bundle of joy. Mammon leaned down and kissed his Human.

"You did so good, Babe. Just look at our girl there."

Most of the pregnancy... it definitely wasn't easy, but when the couple stared down at their little girl, they knew it was all worth it.

The couple ended up naming their daughter Cassia.

Bad End:

It was during the beginning of MC's eighth month when she went into labor. Mammon still remembers her panicked tears as she kept saying over and over that it was too soon. The second born had Lucifer call the doctor as he just held her close and tried to calm her. He gave his all to stay calm himself, but his Human's fear and pain really broke him down inside to the point where he'd have to quickly wipe a tear of his own away before she saw it.

In the end, MC's body was just too weak. Even though she recently had been able to regain some of her strength, it didn't erase the months before that of her body being near starved. The doctor was barely able to save his daughter. Mammon can still remember the look on his girlfriend's face when their girl entered the world, a weak smile of relief. She went to say something, but suddenly exhaled her last breath, leaving her body permanently stilled.

And just like that, he lost the only person who he felt gave a damn about him. He remembers collapsing in on himself while his brothers only saw him stare far away into space. He remembered when his younger brothers started throwing insults and blame his way, saying his stupidity killed her. And he remembered throwing himself against the brother closest to him, later noticing it to be Belphie, just punching him and crying. This shocked them to the point that no one, not even Beel stepped up to stop him for the longest moment. This wasn't Mammon. Mammon never laid a hand on his brothers.

Lucifer was the one who snapped out of it first and pulled the second born off of Belphie. The room was silent as he cried, practically in unison with his daughter in the other room. That was the moment where each of his brothers started to realize just how much Mammon loved MC. All of the brothers cared about her and were hurting from her death, but this was first moment where they really took the Avatar of Greed seriously with his own feelings.

The Brother's were a lot softer with Mammon from then on. No matter what he stole from them, no matter how much debt he racked up, they kept a certain tenderness in their heart for the brother who lost it all with MC's death.

As a dad... Mammon tried his best. No one doubted that, even when the other brothers had to jump in to feed the girl or quiet her cries while her father either cried in bed or searched for some sort of distraction to calm his mind. Looking at Cassia... it was hard for the dad. He'd look down into her eyes, the same eyes she got from her mother, and could only think about how MC should be there with him now... but how she's not.

As a baby and toddler, Cassia was mostly raised by Asmo and Beel. As a child, she had gotten closer with her Uncle Lucifer. Mammon was a loving, but distant dad who constantly tore himself down even when his brothers no longer did.

Leviathan:

Levi and MC got a good five months before facing any major difficulties.

Outside of the morning sickness in the beginning, everything was pretty calm with the pregnancy till then

And what happened at this point in time... honestly, no one could have predicted this.

The two were sitting in his room, each reading their own chosen manga.

When the woman had risen from his side, the otaku didn't really give it any thought, just assumed that she needed to go pee or grab another pillow.

It wasn't till heard a splash to his left that he looked up from his book and saw his pregnant girlfriend at the bottom of his giant fish tank.

Panicking, the demon dropped his book his and rushed up to the top of fish tank. He didn't even notice that he transformed into his demon form before jumping in and swimming down to the human

He quickly swam up with her and carried her back out and onto his floor.

"Shit shit!" The man stared down at the unconscious human, brain being uncooperative as he realised they were not breathing. Then it clicked and Levi put both hands on his Human's chest and repeatedly pressed down, starting CPR.

When his girlfriend eventually coughed up the water in her lungs and came to, he nearly fainted in relief.

He scooped her into his arms and started crying.

"W-What were you thinking???"

The demon didn't understand what just happened. His Henry almost drowned. And she was the one threw herself in! Was she trying to kill herself? Was the whole pregnancy and parenthood stuff getting too scary for her? Was he not taking care of her good enough? Oh devil... what if she thinks he's gonna be a bad dad and just wants to end it all now??

As the Avatar of Envy always did, he thought of the worse outcomes that he could blame himself for.

"I... Levi, what happened?"

??!!

"What do you mean, what happened? You tried to drown yourself!"

The woman's eyes went wide and she frantically shook her head.

"I... no! I would never do that to our baby!"

Even now, she wasn't even thinking of her own life. Just their child's. Levi was scared for their kid's life too, but got so panicked over her's that he didn't mention it before.

As he looked down into her horrified expression, the demon knew she was telling the truth. Or, at least she believed she was.

For a second, the man doubted what he just saw, just experienced. Her drenched hair and clothes were the only things that cemented him in the knowledge that he was right.

But then why did she sincerely believe differently?

Levi texted Lucifer that there was an emergency and needed him in his room now before he helped MC get changed out of her wet clothes.

By the time Lucifer came to the room, MC was in Levi's pj pants and one of his tshirts with a blanket wrapped around her to keep her warm.

Lucifer could sense something different with MC the moment he entered the room. As a demon skilled with magic and curses, he could sense the energy shift within her

And once his younger brother explained what had happened, it had all clicked into place for the first brother. Granted, it was just a theory at this stage, but all signs still pointed to it.

The situation seemed to be a side affect of her pregnancy and a magical one at that. Her baby needed something that they weren't getting so they took the reigns and made their mother give it to them.

That something? Water. The baby seems to have inherited they're father's affinity for water.

Levi was frozen where he and MC sat on the couch.

Basically what the third brother was hearing was that this was his fault, that he almost lost his girlfriend and baby because he has a connection to water.

The demon was ready with a slew insults to express his self blame, but was stopped by MC's quick kiss.

"Hey... none of that." She said softly. "It's okay, it's not your fault. Besides, you saved me."

She knew her boyfriend well enough to know when he was gonna tear himself down but this... she couldn't let him blame himself for something this big.

As per Lucifer's advice, MC started lounging in the bath a couple times a day to see if that would curb her baby's need to be surrounded by water. And surprisingly, it worked.

But as her pregnancy progressed and her belly grew, so did her need to be in water. She'd be fine for a few weeks then suddenly there would be another fish tank incident (though luckily, Levi would stop her before she would even get her feet wet) and her boyfriend would rush her to the bathtub. Each time this happened, the amount of sessions and length of said sessions in the bath increased.

In all honesty, it probably wasn't good for her skin to lay in water so much, but considering this was a life or death situation for her and the baby, it was worth dealing with pruney skin.

It got to the point where it felt like most of her day was spent in the tub and the woman hated it.

Actually ended up convincing Levi to join her for some sessions and loved snuggling up to her boyfriend in the tub.

Honestly, it was something the human wanted to continue between them even after her pregnancy.

Levi had to keep a close eye on her for the remaining months, which was stressful for the otaku, who couldn't really indulge in his usual hobbies, knowing he'd get too absorbed and possibly miss it the moment she needs him.

Still, the demon took care of his Henry well.

Good End:

The woman so ready to birth this baby. MC was so tired of spending her days in the bath tub and being sore and pruney so when the day came, she was nervous, but relieved. She was about a week overdue when her water broke and she went into labor. Levi was a nervous wreck for a most of it, but MC was very patient with him, despite her pain.

After six and half hours of labor, MC held their baby boy in her arms. Levi just stared in wonder at his son. His son. Who would of thought this would ever happen? If you would have told him before he met MC that he'd be a dad someday, he would of said something was wrong with you. If you would of said it after they started dating, he would of told you there was no way MC would wanna give him such a gift.

But there he was, staring down at the son that MC spent hours pushing out and even almost drowned once, just to bring him into this world. This... MC really was amazing.

"Do you wanna hold him?" She smiled at her boyfriend, breaking his thoughts.

The man tensed up, but gave a shy nod.

His girlfriend explained how to hold the baby before setting their son in his arms and telling him to make small adjustments. Levi stared down at his child, who had his hair and MC's eyes. Heck, the little boy even had a tail just like his. The man started tearing up and the human laughed.

"Don't... I'm not crying, I swear..."

After reviewing some of the baby names they talked about, the couple decided on the name Kai.

Bad End:

MC was halfway through her seventh month when it happened. They had recently had another incident of the woman finding her way to the fish tank and had to adjust her bathing schedule again. Bad news: MC had to spend another two hours in the tub each day. Good news? The woman should be incident-free for another couple weeks.

This was why Levi felt it was okay to leave the house, something he rarely felt like doing. He used to never mind spending most of his time in his room. Before this pregnancy, it was his safe haven, where he retreated into in order to avoid all of his troubles and the judgement that he felt he got from the world. Since MC has been pregnant though, that has been the room she spent all her time in, especially since things got... complicated.

His room was no longer a safe place; on the contrary, it was where all of his stress and fears lied. He still powered through it most days for MC's sake, but on transition days where the pattern showed her to be safe, he'd leave the house to go to the comic book store (which also sold manga). He made sure his brothers would keep checking up on her while he was gone.

But they didn't. For a variety of reasons, none of this brothers checked in on her until it was too late. Lucifer was busy working in his study. Mammon left for his modeling gig. Satan was out plotting things with Mephisto. Asmo was in his room, talking on the phone with someone while he did his nails. Beel was in the kitchen, trying to cook dinner and fighting the urge to just eat the ingredients. Belphie was asleep.

Eventually, Beel made his way to Levi's room to check on MC and found her floating face-down in the fish tank. Levi didn't come home until an hour after she was found. He started heading to his room when Lucifer stopped him and called him into the living room. His heart sank when he entered and saw all his brothers sitting around the room. Asmo was crying. Mammon was pretending not to be. The rest of his brothers simply look depressed.

Apparently, MC skipped a bath time while he was gone. She was just so on edge and didn't want to force herself into the water yet. The baby did though. And now they are both gone.

And just like that, the third brother was alone again. Levi locked himself in his room for months after her death, not leaving for school or to even eat. His brothers brought his meals to his room, but he often needed encouragement to eat. The man just wanted to cave into himself and hide away from it all, but the one place he could hide was the same room the human he loved died in... because he wasn't there to comfort her and have her take her bath.

He was so utterly alone. No Henry. No baby. And he felt that he had no one to blame but himself.

~

Part 2 | Part 3

[yesvaldemarharder]

Yandere Arcana

Ayo so um.. with 723 followers I really be expecting people for more input on things I should write (requests, ideas, convos, etc) but um.. I guess not? Lol. Anyway since I’m basically writing for like a couple people (people who actually respond to my work cause I like that. If you just like and reblog that’s fine but I still like hearing what people have to say about my work. If your shy don’t be.. I literally don’t judge..) I’ll go ahead and write scenarios for Yandere Arcana. If y’all want more of this just tell me. I was almost tempted to do nsfw lol!

I wanna say that I haven’t played the game enough to finish anyone’s route and while I want to, ya girl broke so picking choices is something I have to wait a while for as well. (The cost on those coins and I can’t even get a Valdemar route??? What type of shit-)

If any of the characters seem ooc I apologize I just really wanted to write this so um.. yeah.

I guess I’ll take the time to part a warning right here: If you don’t like yanderes or anything of the sort I suggest you don’t read this! I would do the ‘below the cut’ thing but I’m all honestly I don’t know how to.. so here ya go!

You have been warned!

-

Asra

Asra is a tricky yandere. He knows you well enough to get into your head.

He may take times to keep a distance from you but whenever he messages you or comes back he always makes sure to show you so much affection just so you hopefully don’t question anything.

He’ll act like something to you matters to him, and usually they do matter but if you’re talking about a love interest or something he’ll act supportive but will really be a bit annoyed on the inside.

Depending on your love interest he may get upset or simply will smile and try to ‘help you get them’. Don’t let it be Lucio or Julian.. he’ll be furious.

If he acts like he’s happy to help and your LI disappears then he probably did or didn’t send them somewhere where neither of you two can meet again. Like a portal to a dark cold place or something.

He’s like a snake.. or even a fox. He’s the magician for a reason.

Nadia

Nadia probably won’t even hide how much of a yandere she is.. okay maybe just a little.

She’s the countess, what does she need to hide? She’s also meant to be with you and you’re supposed to love her no matter what. Nadia seems to be a bit of an oblivious yandere. Not aware that what she does for you is rather scary at times.

She showers you in gifts. Some of the cutest clothes just to basically play dress up with you like your some little doll. She doesn’t like it when you turn down a gift and while there’s a couple times she’ll get frustrated in the end she’ll send the gift to you late at night with a sweet not hoping you take it.

While she usually ask for your input against other’s, when it comes to someone who isn’t much use to the palace or her especially sniffing up on you she’ll usually deal with them.. whether banishing them and having them get hunted down throughout the forest like some sort of game.

She can be ruthless, and when she’s really in a bad mood it’s hard for her to listen to anyone. Don’t beg for her not to kill off someone because she most likely will act you didn’t say anything, kiss your forehead, and will proceed with the execution.

Also gets really touchy with you when her sisters are around..

Portia

Portia is usually a very carefree chick but while she can be easygoing she can be rather on guard about you.

It’s not often with you, because she doesn’t want you to know the bad things she’d do for you, but every once in a while she’ll ‘joke’ about killing for you. She’s caring and always makes sure you’re safe so you don’t question it until she actually does it when you have a suspicion that she did it..

Will cry and manipulate you into believing she’s innocent because seeing fear on your face towards her makes her scared. She was just doing what was ‘right’, of course her terminology of right is different from yours tho.. that’s why she lies about not doing it.

You’ll trust her and while you’re still a bit nervous she’ll work on that making sure to check up on you often. Once she gains your trusts back again she grows to be a lot more sneaky.

Rat poison is probably what slipped into the man’s tea after her kept messing with you but who knows?

Julian

Julian can be much like his sister but instead of growing emotional to defend himself he grows serious. It’s so different from his usually jokingly self and reminds you of the red plague times so you can’t help but apologize for accusing him.

He may not have killed Lucio but he’s definitely took a couple people out for you. Most unintentionally but still did it anyway. That guy couldn’t swim and Julian simply didn’t hear him crying for help.. it’s okay though cause you did say he had a weird vibe about him anyway, obviously Julian agreed.

He can be clingy, needy, and touchy. If you don’t know about the yandere in him you love it and you loving it just manages to feed it more. If you do know about it and you’re scared he uses his touches to try and calm you down. To have you let your guard down.

He’ll use his self hate against you for many different reasons now. While he does hate himself he found that you usually encourage him or try to make him feel better after he talks about himself too much. He’ll use it on you to stop you from running away from him because your morals are far better than his at this point and he knows you’ll stay to try and help him.

When you find out that he’s been killing people you’re terrified and even though you know you should runaway and leave.. you also can’t help but want to help him.

What if he’s actually innocent like he was with Lucio? (Definitely not.) What if the depression got so bad and he couldn’t help himself? He needed help and only you could help him.

He’ll chuckle sometimes at how cute and silly you are. With how he is he knows you won’t be going anywhere and he’s perfectly fine with that because had you did think of running away he’d just chase you down and use he’s depression against you to make you feel bad for leaving and to bring you back to him.

Lucio

The coliseum was made for a reason... Lucio likes a good fight and anyone touching you, speaking with you, or even looking at you can make him want to have one.

If it isn’t a physical fight it’s a fight with words (which he isn’t that good at but his smugness makes it pay off)

He’s a hopeless romantic type of yandere and unlike his wife he actually doesn’t recognize or acknowledge the bad sides of himself. He either doesn’t to face them or actually thinks cutting that servants throat for huffing in your presence was justified.

You honestly can’t tell but hey, you’re scared. He’s a Count though... THE Count.. if he’s your yandere it’s going to be hard to get away from him without getting hunted down. He’ll make sure to keep an eye on you. (much like Nadia)

He’ll lock down the whole palace if it means keeping you in place. If you do manage to escape he’ll be highly impressed honestly before he’s goes hunting you down. When he finds you he’ll make sure the palace is locked down a lot tighter then it has been before.

Muriel

He definitely starts out as a silent stalker type. Muriel isn’t really attracted to anyone before you and even though he is interested in you he makes you come to him.

I believe he’s actually one of the nicer yanderes but he does have his moments of being possessive.

He doesn’t want to hurt anyone unless it’s absolutely needed.. wouldn’t want to kill anyone for something silly.. of course not.

Ok! I’m at the courtiers! Now these ones might be sadder because I have a lot of headcanons for them. Mainly the horsemen and I do believe Valerius doesn’t have much story on him either so yeah.

Volta

Volta’s an absolute sweetheart. Tis is all.

Nah I’m fucking with y’all, it’s a yandere post.. anyway while Volta is a sweetheart she can’t help but be a bit possessive over you. Unlike the other courtiers her emotions come out a lot more and with her past she never thought she find someone like you.

Now that she has though it’s hard to separate the two of you..

She clings to you, cry for you when you’re gone for too long, feeds you if she’s really into you..

People don’t really see her as a threat and that’s only until she threatens to eat them.. when she gets like that people make sure to leave you be because the really aren’t sure if Volta will actually do it but with that bright playful but warning look in her eyes they don’t want to put it past her.

Vlastomil

Vlastomil kinda has that same oblivious energy in him as Lucio or Nadia however it may seem like he doesn’t know what he’s doing is wrong but he really does.

He’s a demon, he knows how to play with humans but the thing is what he does is just him trying to understand himself better. Before you he only cared about his worm and now you were here.

He pretty much treats you like he treats Wriggler.. you’re very dear to him and let anything happen to you he’ll make sure everyone around knows how he feels. Whether it’s crying, shouting or simply anxiously looking for you.

He fears with other humans you’ll either get taken from him or get hurt but them and neither one of those are things he’s ok with obviously.

He’s a tricky demon, he may trick you into believing his morals verses your own.

“I love you dear! That’s why he has to go.. you don’t want him to hurt you yes?” He’ll manage to make you believe that everything he does is for you. If you have any sort of trauma he might even use that against you so be extra careful.

Valerius

I can see Valerius being much like Muriel but worse. He likes to stalk and watch you from afar until he can figure what’s the best route to take and going about getting to you.

He’s almost relieved you come to him first. The relationship is rather.. bumpy. At times he’ll be grumpy for no reason and sometimes you can get tired of that but anytime you threaten to leave him he gets you into bed a second faster and distracts you.

I can see him either being a good or bad yandere.. there’s no in between. Either he knows exactly how to keep you to himself or he struggles doing so which only frustrates you. You can say he takes some of that frustration out on you but he tries not to because the last thing he needs in to tell Lucio you ran off and have a bunch of guards chase you down.

Oh that’s right, Lucio helps him when it comes to reeling you in and keeping you their. It’s scary but how are yo to go against the Count and his Consul?

Valerius might say some really cruel things to you to make you stay. He doesn’t want to even think about you leaving him. The second he saw you was the same second he fell for you. He might question his own emotions a lot but after a while of simply stalking or having other people stalk you and report back to him, he can tell it is you that he wants.

Vulgora

Vulgora is one of the bad ones you can get. Their aggressiveness and bluntness can be scary so when you need to escape them not many will be willing to help you. Many might even be on their side out of fear of what the war demon can do.

I feel like Vulgora is one of these two yandere types if not both.

Either the type that uses anger as a way to express themselves even if they don’t want to. Like, they care very deeply about you but they are one of the courtiers who don’t understand these emotions.. it frustrates them to not understand and it makes them angry. They try not to take that anger out on you and usually ends it with taking the life of a mortal.. or a couple considering one isn’t enough.

The other type is the yandere who can’t hold their temper and simply wants you because they can have you. It’s a possessive thing.. no one can have you but them.

They won’t hesitate in killing for you and if you ask or grow scared they would try to say they didn’t do it. They’ll be honest. What are you going to do about it.. fight them? Leave them? Oh darling they believe you’re too smart to do something stupid like either one of those..

They’ll leave their mark on you, usually biting because even if there’s very few beings with teeth like theirs in the palace everyone know the deep marks belong to someone dangerous and usually people put a distance with you.

People might be scared of you for simply being trapped and stuck with them. Poor thing..

Valdemar

Go ahead and just pass away sis, we ain’t making it away from this one..

In all honesty Valdemar might be the worse yandere out of this group. Vulgora following after as well as Lucio, Vlastomil, and maybe Julian..

Now it’s either they don’t care about your feelings at all and well make sure you know it or they care far too much to let you out of their sight. Valdemar might be persistent to test on you and might do it even if you don’t want to but also they might grow worried about your safety if they do do it.

You’re like their precious little specimen and no matter what you do they are always watching. You can’t even escape them after death because they are death. There’s simply no escape.

It’s been centuries since they’ve felt as strongly for someone as they did you and that person didn’t make it to where they are now.. they refuse to let that happen again..

If you try to run from them they’ll have beings chase you, they’ll make you run for your life and when you come crying for help they’ll cackle in your face. They want you to know you can’t live without them and once that’s drilled into your head they’ll never allow you to ever get away.

[moonlit-mizukage]

Chapter Fifteen: 1am Joyride

Summary: Y/l/n Y/n, a third year at Sakura High School, is just a girl with a bad attitude towards anyone outside her small circle. When y/n’s younger sister starts first year, she gains a lot of attention. Unfortunately for everyone in school, the Y/l/n household has one rule, No dating till y/n does. Some people become just desperate enough to pay the leader of the “Monsters”, the trouble making group on campus, to date y/n. What will happen when she finds out? (All characters aged up to third year unless otherwise stated)

TW: Swearing, mentions of violence, implied past abuse, parents not loving their children, abandonment, foster care, jail, death 

AN: THIS CHAP IS A BACK STORY SO IF YOU ARE UNCOMFY I WILL POST A SMALL LINE FROM THEN END OF THISON THE NEXT ONE AS WELL!!! Sorry as well for not updating lots. Yeah girl has been dissociating so much and losing days. I blinked and now its friday at almost 3am. My  even closes as well on the 21st so if you want to participate please check out this Prompt list!!

Word Count: 1.2K

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Y/N POV 

I heard the rev of Tendou’s motorbike outside my window. I grabbed my jacket and Climbed out my open window.  I took the lightest steps I could around and passed Mei’s window. I grabbed the tree and started to climb down. I walked up to Tendou. 

“You look hot when you are angry babe.” 

“Gross, let’s just get out of here.” I grabbed the helmet from his hands as I climbed on the back. 

We rode down the rural neighbourhoods of the city. I never felt more relaxed than I did in that moment, my arms wrapped around him, the wind blowing on my body  as we rode off. I wanted this moment to last. We soon stopped as Tendou reached for his helmet. 

“This is my thinking spot. It’s usually quiet this time of night.” I took my helmet off and stepped off the bike. 

“I didn’t expect you to be of all people to need a thinking spot. Though you just Monster listed them.” 

“Unfortunately there's things the Monsters can’t always help with.” The atmosphere around him seemed to change to somewhat of a depressing vibe. 

“I really liked being on the bike. I didn’t even notice we ended up going up a hill to this lookout point.” 

“I knew you’d be distracted once you got to touch me.” He said with a wink as he pulled me into his arms. Our lips almost touched as he whispered. “Everytime I see you, you get more beautiful.” 

“Gross.” I whispered back as we both went in for a kiss..

Tendou’s phone startled us as he pulled away.

“What is it?” He asked as he answered the phone. A few minutes of silence passed. 

“No, I am at the lookout point. Can’t he just lie like he always does?” A deep sigh came from him as he heard the response. 

“Just give him my special stash and tell him to give it to her only if she won't come back. Shes a fucking bitch anyways. No one is at a loss by this. What’s a few couple hundred to get a forever problem solved?” Tendou laughed at whoever was on the other side of the phone and hung up.

“Sorry Y/n. Monster shit never stops when Teru”s one time hook ups won’t stop coming back.” 

“I don’t understand why you covered his ass. He’s going to act like a pig. He should deal with it on his own.” I slapped a hand over my mouth “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.” 

“I know you aren’t the only one who sees it that way but Teru and Mad have been here for me always. We used to be little brats back in our elementary days too. Teru was actually a Quiet little devil at first. I do admit we definitely have opposite opinions on girls' purpose. He did watch his mom go through boys every other day some new guy railing her in the kitchen when he got home from school. His mom told him if the sex isn’t an 10 then they are not worth it” 

“How would he even know what a 10 is?’’ 

“I think he just does it to feel some kind of connection to a girl. In hope’s to find ‘The one’, he just wants to be loved and accepted by someone. He knows he's got us but he’s never felt loved by his mom, doesn’t even know who his dad is.” 

“I had no idea, I feel terrible now” I said back to him. He pulled me closer to him again as he rested on the rail. 

“He’s honestly such a good guy. All four of them are. Mad gets in a lot of fights because that's all he knew his entire childhood from his 3 older brothers used to fight him. His dad was about the same in that sense too. The reason he always punches instead of thinks before he acts is that is what he's been taught. He moved out of his house at 16 after we got some income and met the other two. Started to raise some hell in our school you know?” 

“It makes sense why he always tries to fight everyone then.”I said back.

“Hanamaki though is a rich kid whose parents would rather pretend he doesn’t exist. He lived with his grandma on the other side of Tokyo till she passed away in the last year of middle school. Now they buy him whatever he wants while they live who knows where in the world. Him and Matsukawa have been friends since elementary though, Matsun even followed him to Highschool cause he got expelled the last day of school for setting a classroom on fire smoking too close to some curtains. Matsukawa though also didn’t have a good upbringing. His mom left him at 2 years old outside a random house with a note saying she never wanted him. It took 4 years for him to find his father, by then the kid already had some damage because of the system. His dad worked too much to see it for himself though. That just made his choice to move in with Maki much easier for him. That's how we all kinda met though, our broken homes.” Tendou finished, as he turned away and looked out at the view. 

“What’s your story Satori?” I asked him. 

“My father’s in jail, my mother is dead.” 

“Holy shit, I am so sorry Satori.” 

“I spent most of my childhood jumping from foster home to foster home. I was a demon spawn though. Always making sure they would move me around. Getting my nickname Guess Monster cause no one knew what I would do next. I live with my grandma now.” He said.

“I am sorry I always called you the second biggest asshole on earth. I had no idea.” He just laughed knowing I meant Oikawa as number one. 

 “And how about you y/n? What’s your story?”

“Um, my mom left us for a guy in Paris when I was young. I was basically raising Mei as my child, with my father being a doctor he's usually never home. Well till I started dipping on her for Oikawa. Now she hates my guts and my father spoils her so much cause he feels bad about missing out so much.” 

“Wait Oikawa? I thought you always hated him” He said. I began to explain to him the same story I had told Mei earlier the night. “I always knew he was a piece of shit.” 

“If only Mei did. That’s why we fought too.” Tendou pulled me in closer again. He smiled at me as he gave his signature smile. 

“It’s nice to have someone to trust outside of my circle again.” He pulled me into a passionate kiss….

The night continued for a bit longer as he brought me back home once again. I got off his bike and looked down at him as he took his helmet off and stood up. 

“Satori.” 

“Yes Y/n?”

“You were right, I did fall for you.” With that I placed a passionate kiss on his lips again. I pulled away and turned around to begin to climb back into my house...

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