#i try to look my best and be personable and emphasis my strengths and they still hate me

[purepop4nowpeople]

Getting rejected from jobs is fucking demoralizing

[hannahssimblr]

July seeps into August in a yellow haze. The heat has stupefied the village, slowing all movement, the tourists wading through the humid streets with ice creams melting down their hands, the only kind of food it feels acceptable to eat. It hasn’t rained in weeks, since that first storm of summer, and the landscape struggles. The grass in the local pitch has shrivelled, and the earth has become a powdery dust that fills the air every time our football skims it. It keeps sticking to the sun cream on our skin. Every evening I need to wash an extraordinary amount of grit, dirt and sand out of strange places, like the creases in my elbows, and the webbing between my fingers and toes.

I launch the ball down the pitch to where Jen is bouncing foot to foot near the goalpost, and wander towards the sideline to mop sweat from my brow with the t-shirt I stripped off an hour ago. 

“You want water?” Claire O’Gorman holds her pink metal bottle to me. It jangles with the fluffy charms and beads clipped to it. I shake my head. Jen saw her kissing Shane last night at the front door before she left, so at least twenty percent of the backwash already in that water is bound to be his. I don’t tell her this, because if she doesn’t know what backwash is, I’ll have to go through the whole rigamarole of explaining it, and inevitably end up looking stupid, so I just shake my head.

“You’re running like mad out there,” she comments. “I don’t know how you’ve the strength in this weather.”

“You just endure it, I guess.”

“Hm, I couldn’t. I’m like a princess. I just really don’t like sweating and getting all out of breath. Evie is like you, though,” she adds.

I’m careful to arrange my features into a neutral expression. Claire has been hanging around with us every day for the last week, for reasons that nobody has explained to me, not that I have asked, but when I chat with her, I make sure that I never, ever bring up Evie. Teenage girls are detectives. They pick up on the tiniest facial expressions or shift in tone and use it against you.

I’ve been bamboozled before, and the last thing I need is for Claire to go home to Evie in the evenings and tell her, God forbid, that I asked a question about her. The multitudes of ways they could read into my body language makes me feel queasy. 

“Right,” I say in a bored voice, and scratch my armpit. 

“She’s always like, go go go! All the time, you know? Like playing tennis one minute, swimming the next, going on a mad run the next it’s like,” she rolls her eyes for emphasis, “take a break, girl, please, you know?”

“Mm.”

“I’ve been trying my best to convince her to come to that festival too, just to get away from the routine, but I can’t get her to give me any sort of answer about it.”

I frown. “Did you invite her to the festival?”

“Oh, was I not meant to? I kind of thought it’d be fun if she came, you know, so it’s not just me.”

“I didn’t know you were coming either.”

Her face drains. “Oh, well, Shane asked me, and I-”

“No, no, you can. Oh my God, obviously, I didn’t mean-”

“Right! Okay, of course, but like, I don’t want to impose on-”

“Just I didn’t know Evie might come, that’s all.”

“Well, yeah, I thought it’d be nice for me to have a close friend with me, but if you don’t want her to... like, she might not be able to anyway, so.”

“I don’t not want her to come.” God, why does this feel like a conversation two thirteen-year-olds would have? I swear I haven’t felt this juvenile in years, and I cringe, as though some other version of myself, the cooler Jude, is watching me engage in this conversation and groaning into his hands. Sometimes, these days, I feel like the cooler Jude is slipping through my fingers like handfuls of sand.

“She’s actually really nice,” Claire says with an edge of defensiveness. “I know she’s a bit quiet. I thought that when I met her first too, she was kind of known as the weird girl at school, but when you get to know her, she’s a really sweet person.”

“I know,” I say, my face burning. “I mean... she seems nice. I didn’t mean to imply that she isn’t. Please don’t tell her I think she’s quiet, or weird, or that I don’t want her at the festival or anything like that.”

“No, of course.”

“Because I do… like... think she’s nice, and it’d be okay if she came with us. I would even want her to, actually.” Shut up. God, please, shut the fuck up, you dickhead. 

Claire smiles and nods. 

“But don’t tell her I specifically want her to either, just… Don’t tell her anything.” Oh, line me up against a wall and shoot me, execution style. 

“I won’t.”

I bet she will. And I bet she'll tell her about about the smell of desperation off me, too.

“Turner!” Shane bellows. “What are you at? Your team mates are flailing over here.”

“Right, bye,” I tell Claire, and turn around quickly, unable to bear the embarrassment for another second. 

“Bye!”

As I walk back onto the pitch, I screw my eyes shut and thump my fist against my forehead. 

I’m toast. 

Beginning // Prev // Next

[great20sworld]

LIVING THE DREAM

A Viktor x Reader fanfiction

Author's note: Chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7 and chapters 8 are available in my Tumblr page along with summary.

⚠️ Disclaimer ⚠️: Societal aspects appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real world aspects are purely coincidental.

Chapter 9: Not You

________________________

"You have to leave."

Viktor says in one breath, his gaze travelling anywhere but meeting yours. After you, Jayce and him defied gravity by charging up the 'Hexcrystals' (as per Jayce's method of nomenclature) Heimerdinger had given permission for Jayce to transfer his research materials into a new workspace where he could proceed to investigate the potential of the crystals. Jayce had been overjoyed, and overwhelmed so much so that he had to resist the urge to show tears of joy in front of his new friends.

However, even the exhilaration of discovery and development wasn't enough to tackle the exhaustion which had come hand in hand with the time, energy and effort put into your frantic work. Afterall, even great minds require rest- more than the layperson sometimes (or so Heimerdinger said). With the final promise that his equipments and research would be safely preserved until used again, Jayce and you were allowed to leave. However, Viktor was detained by his old professor.

He looked like a deer caught in headlights when Heimerdinger called him back into his office. Even though Jayce and you immediately backtracked at the professor's words because you feared Viktor may get punished, you were both sent on your merry way, you back to Gina's house and Jayce back to his (although you spent some time in the astronomy department with someone you found very interesting).

Nothing could hinder Viktor's giddy attitude from last night- or so you thought.

Oh, how innocently wrong you were.

The next day when you sauntered you way into the academy, (recieving looks full of admiration and awe from some students and researchers who were passing by, some who knew you from your immense strength to carry huge cartons, and some who heard scarce rumours from yesterday), you did not expect to get yanked into Viktor's office by the man himself.

"Woah- there are better ways to ask for an autograph, Vikt-..."

Your grin immediately fades at the sight of Viktor's expression.

Well, you can now say you've seen your favourite character's "displeased to the umpteenth degree" expression in the first person. Also, conflicted.

Which brings you to the present moment.

"What do you mean I need to leave?" You furrowed your brows as Viktor closes the door behind you, to avoid the students trying to peek in. Your bewilderment was being greatly distracted at the sight of Viktor's small cozy office, though you try your best to keep up with his seriousness.

"You know exactly what I mean." Viktor says, turning back to you, not a hint of a smile on his handsome face.

"You need to leave...the academy, the project, whatever you're involved with...associated with me. We cannot keep this up."

Your eyes widen, eyebrows shooting up your forehead, as your lips part in an incredulous scowl. "What...! I can't leave! You said it yourself, I'm your...."

"You're not my assistant." He interrupts, tapping on his desk for emphasis. "I don't know what I was thinking when I said that to Medarda- but I'm taking it back now. You're not. Overlooking the fact that you don't even work here!" You couldn't help but notice slight hesitation in between his sentences, as if he was drilling himself to say it. Not to mention the discomfort he felt in addressing you like a disobedient student under his tutoring.

As he was searching for words, you interfere, your tone measured and your countenance sober for once, arms folded over your chest, leaning forward.

"What did Heimerdinger say to you yesterday?"

He stops, his gaze finally settling on yours. A glimmer of dither played in his eyes before he snaps back at you.

"This is not about-"

"What. Did. He say?" You emphasise your point, mimicking him and tapping on his desk with your forefinger, ignoring the delirious way your mind fixates upon the way his hair seems to be defying the laws of physics whenever his head moved.

After a heavy sigh, he presses his forefinger and thumb over his eyes rubbing them lightly. "He was agitated. Well, despite us inventing something chaotically phenomenal overnight, he was upset about all the academy codes I, as his assitant had broken. Stealing one of the confiscated items, sneaking into his office, bringing someone who is banned from the academy with me into said office...." He counts of on his slender fingers as he lists of his "crimes".

Another shaky sigh leaves his chest.

"...and, where do I come in on this?" You ask nonchalantly.

That only irritated him further. "Didn't you hear me? I've broken enough academy rules already and gotten myself two weekends worth of extra work as repercussion, an unregistered assistant... shouldn't be one of the rules I've broken."

"Ha! Well too late!" You hit the table lightly, grinning triumphantly. "Jayce already accepted me for hextech work, and technically, he is the one I should be listening to on that matter."

Without missing a beat, he says, "Jayce didn't say that."

"Yes he did!"

"Not officially - not legally. You are still someone who is completely unrelated- In the eyes of the academy."

"Well then tell him to add me legally..." You raise one eyebrow.

Viktor facepalms, shaking his head (you repress the urge to tuck a strand of errand hair behind his ear gently). "It is not so simple! Were you a student of the academy?"

"...No."

"Are you in training here?"

"Uh..."

"Are you involved in any research here?"

"Well...um-"

"Ignoring all that..." Viktor gestures vaguely, "you haven't even undergone the apprenticeship process, not given the interview! Haven't been assessed properly by me! I'd know, I haven't seen you in the list."

To say you were defeated seemed like an understatement. You found your arms dangling at your sides helplessly, mind wandering.

"I'm sorry..." Viktor's gaze lifts from you, fixing on splotches of dried old ink on his desk. "But if anyone, Heimerdinger being the worse case- notices that you are... Unidentified regarding the documents, you could meet worse fates than being told off from my office."

"I helped you guys..."

"Y/N..."

"You're supposed to be thanking me or even getting my legal documents taken care of, for what I did yesterday..."

"Y/N I am not going to get you into troubling territories just because you're capable of helping us, with work!" Viktor's voice hardens, his hands gesturing palms open in stressed undertones.

Your lips adjust themselves into a scowl, but deep inside you were desperate.

"Why do you even care so much about the rules, anyways? You are from the undercity and..."

The sudden commanding impact of the metal on the end of his cane with the tiles beneath you, silences you so suddenly that you flinch at the noise.

"And what...?" The voice you so loved wasn't warm nor agitated. It was cold, harsh, chilling you to the bone. "Yes, I'm from the undercity, does that equal rebellious and uncaring of propriety? Perhaps I could only achieve by breaking the rules?" The way his eyes narrowed piercing your soul with those amber eyes were beyond disconcerting, you would have felt better if he had punched you.

"Viktor no- I....that is not what I meant, I meant you are rebellious in the umm...good way...?"

You should shut up.

"Leave. I have another assistant, someone who won't question me! Dismissed." You could tell those jaws we're clenched as he spoke between gritted teeth.

You wanted to run. But your steps seemed unhurried as if still being pulled towards the man you admired. The slam of the door behind you almost brought tears to your eyes. To escape the staring of startled passerby students, you walk outside, your adventure over even before it began, your heart beating fast as the shameful shade of red took over your cheeks and eyes filled with tears.

______________________________

The cacophonous symphony of the metal laden machinery ploughing its way into the thick groves in the backside of the academy in an attempt of destructive progress was somewhat succeeding in the duty you assigned it to do in your own mind- drowning out the words echoing in your brain spoken from hatred you didn't deserve. Your mind subconsciously lingered on the plumes of dust and smoke rising as gravel was crushed beneath the machinery- each a part of a bigger boulder once upon a time, now flecks of stone, your gaze travelling up and above the skeletal framework of the buildings.

You had contemplated rushing straight to Gina's, but then stopped yourself at the self depreciating voice clawing at the back of your head for being a burden; pulling that poor soul away to lament about your inconsequential attempts at accompanying the one you admired in his works and passions. No, you couldn't disturb Gina. You had already done your duties for the day, helped her out with the big crates from the factories which supplied the raw materials, did most of the cleaning, taken her son to his school and even tried helping with the baking (keyword being "try" here, but she was kind enough to complement you).

So you had lost your way in wandering around the huge localities covered by academy buildings. If anyone asked though, you would say it's intentional, to be poetic about it in your own stinging loneliness. You had tried talking with the super intelligence tied to your wrist, it's mechanical monotone not reaching anywhere near to human comfort.

What would machines know of the heart?

Strangely, you were glad this wasn't the only instance where you found yourselves by yourselves though. It was clearly obvious that you preferred your own company more than anyone else's. That didn't make the memories of your own failed experiments and rejected theory proposals along with unpleasant lab accidents any less embarassing or painless. You had tried your level best to not create mistakes in the much more technologically and scientifically developed world- where you came from. You loathed the fact that most of them still lead to debacles, but you prides yourself on the fact that none of those blunders seemed to make you love science any less, no matter who criticized you.

Why was criticism from Viktor any different?

You scold your foolish heart in being so tender to the cuts inflicted on it by the one it yearns for. He wouldn't even have noticed, you were sure. No, his heart was promised to progress and the depths upto which he could plough into wisdom of sciences.

Weren't yours too?

You didn't know. Not anymore.

A sudden tap on your shoulder snaps you out of your reverie. Startled, you turn, to be met with the silhouette of a massive man standing right behind you. You stumble forward, craning your neck to catch a glimpse of his face as he stood blocking the sun. At this angle, he looked powerful, his arms huge with muscles, face scarred and marked with such strange marks that you wouldn't dare to venture into the tales of how they came to be. The man was practically glowering down at your smaller form like you were his deadly enemy.

Suddenly, your eyes catch sight of the veins throbbing in his temples and arms. There was no mistaking it. It was imprints of something which had flowed through his veins, a testament to endless torture from where he served the monsters. The veins were....

Dangerously purple.

______________________________

SLAM!

Sky Young winces, her shoulders raising nearly upto the tips of her ear when the loud sound rings out in the hallway.

Was that Viktor's office door?

Who just left?

She quickens up her pace on her way to his office. Viktor had asked her to meet him. She sees you walking outside, rather briskly.

"Y/N....?" She calls out, but her call did nothing to slow her down, as she walked out. Maybe she didn't hear her? Her gaze darts to Viktor's office.

What happened?

Sky enters Viktor's office, slowly swinging the door open partially as if something will jump out- to see him sitting hunched over in his desk, his head in her hands.

The creak of the door alerts him,

"I told you to get out- oh!" Sky is taken aback by the uncharacteristic grimace resting on his face until he catches sight of her, to which he quickly adjusts his expression to an agitated smile.

No. Not smile. A stretch of the lips.

"Um...good morning?" Sky smiles softly, walking in.

"Good morning Sky..." Viktor says quickly, sitting up straighter.

"...Is everything alright?" She asks cautiously.

"Yes, ofcourse everything's fine. Please, sit down, I have something to ask of you." Viktor says, his hand quickly searching in the desk to draw out some papers from files.

Sky sits down, placing her own clipboard on the desk. It contained information of the latest interviews and examination details of the new training researchers to be recruited into the academy. Something about it bothered her extremely to the point where she decided she must discuss it with her trusted friend, Viktor. However, since he had called her here first, she lets him speak first.

"So, me and Jayce Talice..." He began, a bit unsure on how to go about the news.

"Oh! Yes, I've heard!" Sky suddenly says, grinning. "Hextech...right?"

"How did you know?"

"Word travels fast..." She chuckles, looking at him. "Although, you could have contacted me to handle lab safety procedures before you began... experimentation. I was still working in the astronomy tower..." She smiles kind naturedly.

"Y-yes, about that... I, I'm sorry that I didn't contact you sooner for this but, I need your help now."

"Ofcourse Viktor, I'm your assistant." She says, and dismisses the slight flinch from him as a result of sleep deprivation.

"Well, you are also... assistant to many others. Around the academy. You work in different departments for lab procedures and measurement system controls..." Viktor says, pulling out a sheet of paper titled "Lab Assistant Transfer certificates". Sky's eyes scans the paper.

"This field, that has newly opened up now, and with many possibilities, some of which we are sure of and some of which we are still exploring is bound to get hectic and very busy for us to handle without a... permenant assistant in the field. Might I ask you to be...that assistant?" He smiles, politely handing her the page. "I can assure you this would be worth your time and effort!" He adds.

Sky beams. "Yes! I'd be more than happy to help!" She exclaims.

As Viktor smiles, reaching out for the pen for her to sign the document with, she suddenly asks, "what about Y/N? She'll be there too, right?"

"W-what?" Viktor stutters.

"Y/N, She'd be working with me then, right?" Sky smiles, looking for an affirmation.

"Sky...what are you saying!" Viktor says, as if shocked. "I just send her away!"

"Send her away?! Why?" Sky asks, surprised.

"She is not from the academy! Neither is she in training, she cannot..."

"But she did help you both, didn't she?" Sky interferes, confused.

She could see viktor's lips tremble slightly. Nervous, was he?

"Sky, no, not you too! You don't understand..." He rambles, running a hand through his hair. "Heimerdinger, if he found out... For heaven's sake, we would be going against the academy laws if we let her stay!"

Sky chuckles, looking at him incredulously. Viktor hesistates.

"What's so funny?" He asks, irritated.

"Viktor take a look at this." Sky slides her clipboard with the names of the newly recruited assistants towards Viktor, along with their qualifications listed on the side.

"The majority of the people chosen here in order to research and work in their respective fields in the academy, are from Piltover. Now, if you look here..." She taps the qualification papers. "And study it closely, you can clearly see that many from the undercity have been turned down, even when they are obviously more qualified to be studying and working here. They don't offer them the opportunity to grow and prosper with knowledge...." Sky says, her brilliant mind outraged.

"....because they're from the undercity." Viktor finishes her sentence in a murmur, as if his head is afloat amoungst the clouds. He felt lied to. Betrayed.

"Yes. Upon closer inspection, Viktor I was able to recognise that a lion's portion of these people who have been accepted have been accepted by financial support alone. There's even special priority for people who are in Piltover as per this special category, for crying out loud!" Sky's frustration only grew.

Viktor hadn't paid much attention to this before. The academy of piltover had posed as a prestigious central sector of knowledge and opportunities for all. The all coming with "some terms and conditions apply" dulled the beauty and glory with which the academy had stood- for him atleast.

"Viktor... Do you remember?" Sky continues, her voice hushed and gentle, as she remembers a painful memory. "When you helped me prepare my own resume to enter the academy research sectors, there were... Countless other piltovian competitors. You encouraged me still in this path and you stood up for me when the time came."

Ofcourse Viktor remembers it. How he had spent hours consoling Sky about what she had to face during her interviews, enraged at the system itself, and standing by her side for open defense of her proposals to the research fields, which took weeks, his voice was heard those days. Defending the undercity in whatever minute ways he could, however fast on his mind he had to be, was one of his passions even in his soft spoken tongue.

That endeavour had turned out to be fruitful and Sky had been accepted, immediately offering to be part time assitant to him. His lips gently lift upwards at the memory.

"All I'm saying is, the people who actually need the opportunity to continue on the path of knowledge, to seek discoveries and those who actually have the intellect and passion to do so, atleast the passion to learn are pushed away in the name of prejudice; you know that. Why fuel a system which is already deteriorating because of its own posion? Why obey their rules?" Sky questions him.

He had no answer.

"Viktor, we are from the undercity- we know what it felt like to have our chances ripped away from us, we won't stand for this, would we?"

Viktor remembers your words. "you're from the undercity...!" You had said passionately to him, and he had pushed you away, with the false notion that your words would contain nothing but disdain and prejudice.

How could he? He drove away a bright soul...

"Please... Please call her back, I didn't know that was what had happened before but, we can still fix this!" Sky says desperately.

Truthfully, she had met the starry eyed young woman who had turned around the fate of piltovian technology last night in the astronomy tower. You were the one who had told her everything, who had enthusiastically hinted that Viktor would indeed call upon her to transfer her various department jobs into a singular, better one (and how accurate you had been!).

She had found a kindred spirit last night in the tower, one who liked to eccentrically mess around with the rules governing natural philosophy until something strikes and changes the perspectives of everything. Hextech being only one of them, sky truly believed. Sky was ecstatic to know that she would also be working with them, on this new unfamiliar but exciting path of discovery. To hear that Viktor had send her away was equivalent to having something shatter inside her- something she needed the most.

A friend. Someone who understood.

She liked you and she had a transient feeling Viktor did too.

The sound of Viktor's sigh brings her back to the present. He was standing up now, cane clutched nervously in his hand, his fingers tap-tap-tapping away at the handle.

"What if...what if she gets in trouble for this?" A nervous tap on the desk.

"Do you think she would care? Didn't you see her, Viktor..." Sky implores, her eyes wide. "I don't know if you've noticed, but pretty sure she'd be the last person to be frightened about getting into trouble with the academy. Besides, she's strong..." A small chuckle sounds from her. "Quite literally."

She is pleased to see a small smile creeping its way upto Viktor's lips. "She is. Smart too..."

"Then why are we still here?" Says Sky, standing up, as Viktor already makes his way to the door.

"Let's go bring her back!"

_________________________________

Chapter 10 available NOW in my Tumblr page.

[sorcerersandskillusers]

I think Akutagawa will probably die, but he will transfer Rashomon to Atsushi. That way Dazai’s plan for combining their abilities still comes to fruition.

Sorry for reuploading again, I had to edit any panels containing blood out so tumblr won't flag this for violence again

I really think Akutagawa is going to die in this arc, Asagiri introducing his lung disease on top of saying that he was already dead before he got converted into a vampire feels like a message that this death is supposed to be final.  However, I don’t think Akutagawa is done yet in the story, I’m sure he will have at least one last great moment with Atsushi before the end and I think it will tie together a lot of current plot threads.

Why Akutagawa will probably die: A lot of effort was clearly put, into making Akutagawas death seem permanent; He was confirmed dead twice, his lung condition was revealed which means even if he became un-vamped he would still not have long to live, this could be another fake-out death, but at this point I would be madder if it was, because even though I love Akutagawa, any more fake deaths would really lower the tension of the series

  A lot of emphasis has also been put on Akutagawa looking for a meaning to his life, and slowly realising that maybe Atsushi is important to what Dazai is trying to show him.

I think that Akutagawa will probably temporarily regain control of his body, him keeping his promise is already proof he is still in there somewhere, Atsushi might reference Dazai and it might shake him out of the vampire's control, calling back to this panel.

But I don’t think he will be fully cured, so he will ask Atsushi for that duel he promised him. It would even parallel Atsushi “killing” Shibusawa in TDA, since both were technically already dead to begin with.

Atsushi taught Akutagawa how to value lives, and the patience to consider his actions. Akutagawa will teach Atsushi the conviction to take them and how to overcome the guilt he feels within himself. each one going from black and white, to grey.

My only hang up for this idea was that it wouldn’t make sense for Asagriri to waste all the build up for Atsushi and Akutagawas abilities being perfect complements to each other, but then I had a brain wave for how both things could still happen.

The strength of Shin Soukoku: Atsushi and Akutagawa have the perfect abilities to compliment each other; Akutagawa’s ability has range, defence, versatility, and the power to cut all physical matter, its main weakness is Akutagawa’s weak constitution.

Atsushi’s ability gives him high speed regeneration, insane speed, enhanced senses, basically indestructible fur and claws that can rend the very fabric of an ability.

And when combined, the ‘Black Tigers Supreme Claws’ are said to be able to even kill God if you can land a hit.

The ultimate spear against the monsters trying to destroy Yokohama.

Together they are the ultimate counter to almost any enemy, Dazai has pointed this out before. So, the best way I can think of to keep that perfect combination if Akutagawa dies is…

Atsushi inherits Rashomon: We know that abilities can be transferred from one person to another, Kyouka (a character with a close connection to both Akutagawa and Atsushi) got her ability from her mother. We also know that whenever Atsushi and Akutagawa fight a major villain they grow more in sink and coordinate and merge their skills more and more. This is what Dazai planned when he joined them together.

We also know that Akutagawa only sees his value in his strength, which for him is almost entirely in his ability. Rashomon is what protected him when he was on the streets, and it is what made Dazai take an interest in him. Strengthening his ability was the only thing he thought about for a very long time… Until Atsushi showed him how to see past his own skill and power.   

Atsushi was the one who made him realise that he needed to prioritise some things over his own pride, and in the end, he even sacrificed himself to save Atsushi, proving that lesson had stuck. Him transferring Rashomon to Atsushi would be the ultimate show of humility, him finally letting go of trying to prove his own strength, and instead helping the person he once hated most in the world, he finally learned to temper his sword, just like Dazai wanted him too.

As for Atsushi; he has spent the entire series wracked by indecision, self-loathing and fear. All of which tend to leave him when he is near Akuatagawa. At first because he sees him as an enemy who he can be 100% sure needs to be defeated, so no doubt or fear clouds his mind.

Then as a rival who he can’t afford to let be better than him, someone who gives him confidence just by being everything Atsushi doesn’t want to be.

Finally, as an ally, someone who he can fight alongside and who stops that terrifying fear of being alone that Atsushi has been fighting his whole life. Akutagawa has truly become Atsushi’s source of resolve,

and we see that in how Atsushi perceives him in his vision. 

So, if the transfer happens, it could symbolise Atsushi gaining that strength and conviction from Akutagawa once and for all. Completing their respective character arcs of Atsushi teaching Akutagawa to be selfless Akutagawa teaching Atsushi to be brave.

Dazai: Dazai is the ultimate connection for Atsushi and Akutagawa,

he is what binds them together and what drives them apart, he orchestrated their relationship and turned them into his trump card. But something that seems strange is that we never see Dazai’s reaction to Akutagawa’s death. Atsushi meets up with Ango after he escapes the ship, so there’s no way Dazai doesn’t know exactly what happened, the battle on the ship took place days before the Meursault prison break, so Dazai should have been able to receive one of Ango’s messages, so why don’t we see anything from him? not even disappointment.

We know Dazai has been planning sskk since he first met Atsushi,

and it seems crazy that he wouldn’t know about Akutagawa’s lung condition all the way back in the port mafia. So, I think it's possible Dazai always planned to have Akutagawa die to both motivate and strengthen Atsushi, since we’ve seen that he is, or rather was, not above sacrificing people for the greater good of his plans. It would also explain why he stayed so distant from Akutagawa, never really trying to make up for the things he did despite his promise to Oda, if he knew Akutagawa was going to die, then he wouldn’t want to get too attached to him.

I honestly think that if Dazai might regret his plan now, Atsushi has helped Dazai grow so much so fast since they met, his current arc with Sigma is proof enough of that. But it's far too late to back out of it now, and he probably justifies it with ‘He’s doomed to die anyway.’

The final battle: Every arc final battle in bsd involves Atsushi and Akutagawa fighting, whether against each other, or side by side. And through each of those fights, the two of them grow closer and closer, understanding each other a little more.

I think the impact of their defeat on the ship would be undercut if Akutagawa is just healed and they fight Fukuchi again just like before, there would need to be some major difference this time, and something to give Atsushi an edge over Fukuchi. And what better way to do that, then to use the form that already defeated him once (before he cut the past)

The Black Tiger’s Supreme Claws can cut through space, so can get close to Fukuchi despite his martial arts and insane ability. And If the time sword is cut by the tiger’s claws its ability will stop working, so it might be the only way to kill Fukuchi permanently. 

The main weakness of BTSC was Akutagawa, since he was defenceless while it was used,

so if Atsushi could use it on his own, he would probably be a proper match for Fukuchi in a fight. (Also just imagine Atsushi showing up to face Fukuchi in Akutagawas coat, which he still has since he escaped wearing it and which was originally Dazai’s which fits so well, and facing Fukuchi to avenge Akutagawa, who he now thinks of as a friend.)

And for anyone who thinks that this would make Atsushi to OP, remember that BSD is not a show about who can beat who in a fight, its a show of strategy and hax, there are still plenty of ability users who could counter someone like Atshushi, this would just bring him to the same table as the other heavy hitters. Also keep in mind that the next arc will probably be when we see the skill users from Europe, who are meant to be the most powerful in the world, like the transcendents. 

The event and aftermath: I think the actual transfer would happen after they finally have their duel and Akutagawa if dying, he would transfer Rashomon to Atsushi and ask him to continue Dazai-sans mission and he would acknowledge Atsushi as a more worthy subordinate then he ever was. He might even ask Atsushi to apologise to Kyouka for him, since he seems to genuinely care for her somewhat, it would be a really powerful moment for both of them.

And Afterward I hope Atsushi Finally snaps at Dazai, and actually calls him out for how he treated Akutagawa, which would be great for both Dazai and Atsushi’s character growth and maybe help Dazai realise that he feels genuinely remorseful for what he did, and that might help him understand how Oda felt after he gave up killing.

Overall this theory just ties together so many plot threads, character storylines and bits of foreshadowing, that I really think it might come true, but of course one of BSD’s best qualities is how unpredictable it is, so who knows what will ultimately happen.

I had to remove a lot of the panel evidence, here are all the panels I took out: link

[the-blue-eyed-firebender]

Hi!

Have I ever told you this? (Probably! But I'll say it again, ha) It's been an absolute treat reading your Royai fics. Thank you for joining this fandom!

What are your inspirations? 😃 In terms of writing style, but also ideas, etc. Please indulge us all, and please do geek out about your writing process too!

I always love learning about how fan fic writers work and write!

Thank you, and I hope you have a lovely day~

Hey there!

You are so kind. It's hard to put into words how much it means to have had such a lovely reception from the FMA fandom. I used to write a lot when I was a kid, but eventually stopped due to some unfortunate and painful circumstances. Writing for this fandom over the last couple of months has been an incredible journey. It has healed some very intrinsic parts of me that I’d forgotten were wounded, and I have written more in the last few months than I have in 15+ years.

So, first and foremost, thank YOU.

Inspirations: I've always been a lover of fantasy and science fiction. My very first fandom was Star Wars, followed shortly thereafter by Avatar: The Last Airbender. Recently, I've become a huge Sarah J. Maas fan (I read ALL of her books in the year 2023 - minus the new one that came out in January). I've also enjoyed Suzanne Collins and Leigh Bardugo (particularly her Six of Crows duology).

But really, I just love stories. I love adventure, magic, and romance. I look for complex characters, vibrant worlds, strong magic systems, and rich backstories. My favorites always involve women who embody strength (mental, physical, and emotional), capable leadership, and femininity. Characters who are equal parts war-like and compassionate, fearsome yet soft.

But my very best inspiration comes from real-life: my sweet husband. It's going to sound silly, but I feel like I write about true love because I've experienced it. This guy was 100% written by a woman (lol). He's read everything I've written, and provides the most wonderful feedback and encouragement.

As far as style/process, I feel like I am still developing it? Haha! It's only been a minute since I got back into writing. But it usually starts with daydreaming to music (often songs without lyrics; Secession Studies is a favorite), typically while I'm in the car. With my first FMA fic, The Counteroffer, I was listening to "Beautiful Things" by Benson Boone on repeat. Something about the way he sings "Please stay / I want you, I need you, oh God" really set the tone for that story. That, combined with inspiration from the infamous Chapter 54 of A Court of Mist and Fury.

There's usually an moment or a line of dialogue that pops into my brain first (for The Counteroffer, it was Hawkeye lifting the discharge paperwork to find Mustang has also given her an unsigned marriage certificate). I write that bit, then the rest of the story sort of fills in around it. I write in disjointed fragments, adding chunks here and there and then connecting them together. Sometimes I shuffle things around, moving chunks to different locations in the story to see how it changes the flow.

Beginnings, endings, and titles are usually the hardest for me to come up with.

And here's a few of my own patterns that I've started to notice:

I love stories that read with a poetic beat to them (I think the best example of this in my own work is Hourglass).

I use line breaks for emphasis a lot.

I am intentional about keeping things concise but impactful. When it comes to word count, my personal rule is quality > quantity, always.

I try not to use "said/says" without other descriptive words.

If a portion of the story is dialogue driven, I'll read it aloud to make sure it actually flows like real conversation.

I often drop "and" from sentences when I feel like it messes with the poetic flow ("She became familiar with the space between heartbeats, the squeeze of the trigger, the wet sound of a bullet finding its mark." - Hourglass).

In the same vein, I use a sort of "rule of threes" quite a bit. I break sentences into three parts, offer three descriptions of a character's observation/sensation/emotion, repeat the same phrase three times, etc. (Oh look, I've done it again.)

I write in third person, present tense, always from the perspective of one character at a time. I feel like this puts myself and the reader right in the middle of the action, as it's happening. I dive deep into the primary character's thoughts and senses, both internal and external.

I re-read/re-watch the original content (i.e. FMAB, the manga) often, even if it's just in small parts. It keeps me grounded to who these characters are, and prevents me from going OOC. It's so easy to lose track of characterization if it's been too long since I watched an episode or read a chapter.

Hoo boy this got long. Thanks so much for the delightful ask! It was a lot of fun to dive into my own writing process and habits.

[lilac-den]

Feverish Understanding.

A snippet of TSR's MC and Benefactor, a year after the tragedy.

Thump! Thump! Thump!

"Go away." I groan out with difficulty, the scratch at the back of my throat leaving me less than hospitable to whoever is crazy enough to knock on my door.

Thump! Thump! Thump!

Jesus fucking Christ. I lift my heavy eyelids open and glare at the wall in front of me.

The knocks on the door are still three, but there is a rhythm to it; the first knock comes out hard, but the second knock is softer than the first.

Then the third is just a vicious bang, like the person put a lot of power to make it as loud as possible.

Only one person knocks this way.

I move out of my bed with my blankets curled around me, my hands gripping the fabric as I waddle my way out of my room to the front door. Using one hand to hold my blanket together and the other to grab the door knob, I swing the door open.

"Hello, little nightlight!"

Of course.

I stare at Benefactor, with zir trademark grin and a plastic bag full of unknown items. Ze is in a suit again, this time with a navy blue color. The tie around zir neck is of a dark green color again, another trademark of zir.

I frown quizzically.

"Benefactor," I start, "I didn't know there's another mission today."

"Oh, there isn't." Ze lifts the bag up as emphasis for...well, something, "But I figured I drop by my favorite beneficiary."

"I'm your only beneficiary."

"And you know I only pick the best." Ze counters my statement off lightheartedly, "Mind if I come in?"

I open my mouth, ready to give a response. But ze doesn't even wait as ze strolls in, easily so given how my body feels like a lump right now. As if ze's aware of it, Benefactor grabs me by the biceps and holds me steady before pursing zir lips together.

"Wow, you really are sick."

I swat zir hands off of me. "I'll manage." Despite my words, Benefactor doesn't seem the least bit interested in leaving my apartment. Rather, ze moves to close the door behind zim before trying to drape one of my arms around zir shoulder.

"Come on, be a good employee and let me handle you."

"Who are you, my-" My words get cut off, something tickling my throat hard enough to unleash a coughing fit.

"Tsk tsk tsk. Really now, nightlight, you should have called."

"Call my boss that I can't do my work because I'm sick?" I scoff. "Unethical in our society, don't you think?"

"But I'm not like other bosses, am I?"

I cough again and the phelgm that has been in my throat for a while gets ejected onto my tongue. I furrow my brows and Benefactor manages to grab a tissue while walking me to my couch. Once I sit down, ze offers the tissue to me. I grab it. "Thanks."

"I already told you that sick days are allowed."

"And I think I told you-Mmph!"

I find myself holding a stick between my lips. I look down, just in time to see the digitized thermometer as the numbers go higher and higher until-

"41 degrees." Benefactor clicks zir tongue and I rip the thermometer out of my mouth.

"You-cough!-Wouldn't it kill you to cool it with the mo-cough!-mother hen act?"

"Oh come now, does it kill you if I have a heart?"

I open my mouth to respond but all that comes out is another series of coughs. I take a moment to glance up at zir face, the way Benefactor has that expression of uncertainty.

"You must rest, nightlight."

"I'm..." The heat on my face and the dizziness seems to increase.

"Nightlight? Oi, nightlight!"

My vision turns black soon after.

~~~

Something is stroking my head. There's nothing dangerous about it.

The hand is coarse, but it's also gentle and soothing somehow. I sigh, sinking myself into that warmth.

It's like Ittania is the one stroking me. But this hand is much too large for it to be hers.

The hand disappears but what comes after is something soft covering me. It brings the picture of Maverick tucking me in.

"I'll be right back." Someone tells me. This voice has a soft tone, like Rydigan's. But it is too deep to be his.

A gentle squeeze on my hand. The strength is stronger than Enid's, but no less warm. I fell asleep before I even realize it.

The next time I gain a sense of consciousness, the smell of something boiling forces me awake.

Who's cooking?

I open my eyes wearily and face the ceiling, the setting on one of the light sources in this room on a dim brightness. I still smell the scent.

It reminded me how it's been a year since I lost my sense of smell for food. Or taste.

They all just taste empty to me.

I will my body to move, to sit up from my bed and fight against the fever that plagues me. A heaviness weighs in my mind but I pay no heed.

I raise my eyes and find the figure of Maverick sitting on the lone chair in the room. I can still remember that disapproving gaze of his - a mixture of worry added in.

"I don't need rest." I mumble to him, yet knowing him to be merely a conjured up imagination.

The figure doesn't say a word. I get off my bed and head for the door.

The one standing in my way for it is Ittania now, with her arms crossed and a pout on her face. I move my hand for her.

She slips away from me, leaving me with the cold air instead of her body's warmth.

"[Name]..."

I don't need to turn around to know it's Rydigan. I grab the doorknob and swing the door open.

And Enid is there, staring at me.

A part of me still aches. But I have dance this tune much too often. I close the door behind me, keeping my body away from hers.

I still feel cold from my attempt with Ittania.

I make my way for the kitchen with silent steps, following the source of the smell until I see Benefactor.

Ze's wearing a soft green apron, with hand stirring a pot full of soup and the other holding a bowl.

"Still there?"

I sigh at zir question and step deeper into the room till I'm near zim. "Yeah."

Benefactor nods in understanding. Ze knows I have ghosts hanging onto me, no matter how many therapists, drugs or treatments I get. Whatever therapists that didn't try to scam me for my money usually said this was my survivor's guilt talking, that I was traumatized over being the witness and sole survivor of a tragic tragedy.

Benefactor, who abhorred their assumptions, told me it was simply me not wanting to let them go, that I felt more guilt in not being there for them than outliving them.

I couldn't agree with zim more

"You cook?" I start a conversation with zim and Benefactor doesn't bat an eye.

"The fact you ask me that means I'll have to do so more often." Benefactor pours the soup in a small bowl, the liquid releasing hot steam. Ze passes the soup to me. "Remember to blow before drinking."

"I'm not a child."

Ze chuckles. "Of course not. I'm reminding you as an adult."

I roll my eyes at that and blow on the surface and edges of the liquids before taking the smallest sip. Much to my surprise, the soup tastes...fine.

No, rather than fine-

"How is it?"

"I can taste this."

Benefactor nods, pauses then asks again. "Do you truly?"

"It's not a lot," I start, "but the fact I can taste even the salt is something."

Benefactor chuckles. "I'm not surprised. This had been an old recipe, one of a kind."

"Then how did you learn it?"

Ze stirs zir spoon into the soup, mixing the ingredients and spices within. "Someone taught me to."

I furrow my brows. "That's vague."

"I've always been vague," Ben answers without much to reveal any deeper meaning on that. I watch zim stir, again and again...

"What were they like?"

Ben stops stirring. A stony silence.

I look at zir face but it's an unreadable one, unlike the usually mad grin ze adopts. But zir black eyes remind me of what I see every time I look in the mirror since the incident.

I open my mouth. "It's okay if-"

"They were beautiful."

I stare blankly at the words Ben speaks out. The first set of words to escape zim. But more than that, zir black eyes have softened considerably. It's like the inky, black void turns calm and gleams with a light I've never seen before.

Then ze turns to me and zir gaze darts to my bowl.

"Drink up before it gets cold."

[lostcauses-noregrets]

(Ackerman bond anon here) Thank you for your answer. Going through the references and analysing everything carefully. You amazing for always carrying so much knowledge of our old men yaoi (eruri). PS.: Personal question, how did you interpret "A choice with no regrets" name title? Since the Ackerman Bond is mentioned as a choice. Did you wonder that perhaps choosing Erwin was Levi's own choice without regret? (You can answer as person / headcanon as you wish, 'd love to get your insight).

Thank you Ackerman-bond-anon, you're very welcome ♡

The whole point of Levi's "choice with no regrets" mantra is that the future and the outcome of our choices are unknowable, so the best we can do is make a choice in the present moment that we will least regret.

I think Levi's decision to follow Erwin is very much a choice with no regrets. This comes across most clearly in the ACWNR visual novel (my emphasis):

Erwin: "Of course. That's the duty of those who survived, after all. Well then—will you come along with me now, or run away from here and go home? Decide that on your own." What a man—Levi thought to himself. When he'd gotten caught in the underground, he'd felt humiliated. He had thought that Erwin was brimming with an air of superiority as he looked down at his catch—but now, Levi knew that he'd been mistaken. That kind of quarrel about superiority or inferiority had never concerned Erwin even in the slightest. He was, after all, fighting a more important war against the titans—no, perhaps, it was against something even bigger than that. Fixing his sight on that something, he'd carried on fighting, trying his hardest to defeat it. Levi thought—he'd been obsessed only with his pride, limiting his horizons only to that, and had then lost important friends as a result—with his current self, he definitely had no chance at winning against this man. If that's the case— "All right… It looks like you have something that I lack. Until I know what that 'something' is, I'll go with you." Having made his choice, Levi stood up. And then, catching up to Erwin, he began to trod through the heavy rain that obscured everything before them— Towards the hope surely left somewhere in this broken world, he began to walk.

At the point that Levi chooses to follow Erwin, he doesn't fully understand what Erwin is fighting for. He knows that Erwin is fighting for a higher purpose but he can't ascertain what that is, however he recognises that Erwin has something that he lacks; a vision, a goal, a cause to dedicate his strength to, so he chooses to follow Erwin until he finds out what that something is. Levi doesn't know what the future holds, but in that specific moment, following Erwin is his best bet, not just for survival, but to find purpose and a cause to fight for. That's his choice with no regrets.

This is one of the things I love about Erwin and Levi's relationship. Levi doesn't trust Erwin unconditionally right from the start, his choice to follow him is very much conditional on finding out what drives Erwin to fight. However he recognises immediately that Erwin has something he lacks - a cause to turn his strength to, and that's enough for him to decide to follow him. Their relationship and the Deep Bond of Mutual Trust(TM) grows from that point onwards. Their relationship isn't immutable though, it changes and develops as they face new challenges, as Levi learns more about what that "something" is. This is why Levi chooses to continue following Erwin and fighting for his cause, even after he discovers that Erwin had the "self-interested goal of fulfilling his own dreams" and that he had an "innocent, childish, dream-chasing side to him." Levi still has no regrets about the choice he made.

[princesssarisa]

Comments about "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" that can and should coexist

I think these comments address every feminist complaint I've ever read about the 1937 Disney classic, though I don't know if they'll all be "addressed" in the live-action remake or not.

"It's an old-fashioned convention for a fictional young girl's dreams to revolve around romance, based in the outdated, patriarchal idea that love and marriage are what female lives 'naturally' revolve around and should revolve around. It's only appropriate that more 'modern,' 'feminist' heroines have different wishes and goals."

and

"For a lonely, abused orphan like Snow White, whose only apparent friends at the beginning are birds, it's perfectly natural that she should dream of love."

"Love at First Sight isn't realistic, to portray it in modern media is out of fashion, and in real life, it would be ridiculous at best and disturbing at worst for a young man to just notice a pretty girl singing alone in a courtyard and promptly climb over the wall and sing a love song to her."

and

"Love at First Sight is a storytelling convention, and children can see it in fairy tales without assuming it's real. It won't make your daughter instantly run off with a cute stranger. Snow White and the Prince's romance isn't meant to be realistic – it's a simple, old-fashioned, idealized Romeo and Juliet-style romance, and we should feel free to enjoy it as such."

"Modern feminism doesn't like damsels in distress. It's only natural that in today's media, heroines should show more strength in the face of danger than they did in 1930s media."

and

"It's perfectly natural for Snow White to be petrified with fear when the Huntsman is about to kill her – instead of, say, trying to fight back – and frantic with terror as she runs through the dark forest. Not because 'girls are weak,' but because she's so young. A boy in the same situation would have just as much right to be terrified. Besides, after her initial terror passes, she proves remarkably resilient as she comforts herself by befriending the animals and singing a song. Not all strength looks 'tough,' after all."

"The original Grimms' tale and the 1937 film's emphasis on Snow White's cleaning and cooking reflects an outdated, patriarchal model of ideal femininity. It's probably best for a modern retelling to at least slightly downplay it, or omit it altogether."

and

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a nurturing personality and favoring domestic skills, regardless of gender. It's perfectly fine that as an individual, Snow White enjoys cooking and uses songs and imagination to make housework fun. Especially because of the Cinderella-like life her stepmother forced her into – domestic work is the main skill that she's learned, and it's all she has to offer the dwarfs in exchange for staying in their house."

"The 1937 Snow White is a bit too much of a 'mother hen' to the dwarfs, in a way that arguably borders on ableism. In a modern reimagining, she should remember that they're her elders, not children, and give them due respect."

and

"It's endearing to watch Snow White cajole, gently scold, and tease the dwarfs, and to gain power over a household of seven men in her own soft way."

"As the Queen's only (step)child, Snow White is presumably the heir to the throne. Retellings focuses on her coming into her own as a leader, leading a rebellion against the Queen, and finally becoming queen herself in the end are valid. So are retellings where the Queen is only Snow White's regent and wants to kill her not just for her beauty, but to keep the throne for herself."

and

"Snow White doesn't need to be a leader and her storyline doesn't need to be political in any way. That's not what the tale is about."

"Someday My Prince Will Come isn't a modern feminist song, just like I'm Wishing isn't one. It's out of fashion for a heroine's dreams to revolve around romantic love. The emphasis on the Prince coming to Snow White also places her in a passive role, rather than letting her be active like a more modern heroine and search for him."

and

"Someday My Prince Will Come gets a bad rap. Snow White isn't fantasizing about a prince she's never met. She loves him already, and is singing of her undying hope that they'll meet again, even though it seems unlikely that they will. Nor does she center her whole life around her dreams of him. Apart from the song and her wish on the "wishing apple," she never even mentions him after their meeting: as much as she loves him, she doesn't waste time pining for him, but moves on with her life while holding onto her faith that they'll reunite. Nor can she go looking for him herself, because she's in hiding from the Queen, so of course she dreams that he'll come to her."

"Snow White is painfully naïve to trust the Witch, and to let her in the house and take food from her despite having been warned repeatedly to beware of strangers. This earns her no points as a role model. It's no wonder that modern adaptations tend to make her 'smarter,' and either (a) have the Queen take the shape of someone she already knows and trusts, or (b) have her know the apple is poisoned, but eat it as a self-sacrifice to save the dwarfs' lives or some such thing, or (c) rewrite the story's climax to cut the poisoning altogether."

and

"Snow White isn't stupid, she's just naïve because she's young, and the Witch takes advantage of her kindness and her love. Despite knowing better, she can't bear to refuse a frail old woman's pleas to let her rest in the house. Then when she's told that the apple grants wishes and will bring the Prince to her, when she's been dreaming of him so ardently and still has no way of knowing if they'll meet again, she can't resist. It's a fatal mistake, but aren't heroines allowed to make mistakes? Must she be a role model in every moment? Why can't it be poignant that the Witch takes advantage of her youthful innocence and tender heart to mislead her?"

"The trope of the male hero saving the heroine was overused and outdated long ago. It makes sense for a modern retelling of Snow White to find some way or other for Snow White to save herself."

and

"The Prince waking Snow White isn't a particularly glaring case of 'boy rescues girl.' It's just a matter of love conquering evil. The Prince doesn't do any 'manly' act of heroism; all he does is give Snow White a kiss that he doesn't even know will revive her."

"The Prince kissing the seemingly-dead Snow White's lips has earned so much controversy over the years that it should be no surprise when modern retellings avoid it."

and

"The Prince's kiss isn't 'necrophilia' or 'non-consensual.' He's just giving his 'dead' beloved a sad, affectionate farewell. In later movies, is Belle being 'necrophiliac' or 'non-consensual' when she lays her head on the Beast's lifeless chest while declaring her love, or is Elsa when she hugs Anna's ice statue form in grief? This is no different."

"The Queen can be seen as a misogynistic figure, first of all by vilifying a woman in power, secondly because petty vanity is her motive, and any possible sympathetic explanation for why she's so desperate to be the fairest in the land (e.g. because society ties women's worth too much to their beauty) is ignored. It's understandable that a modern retelling should try to make her a more nuanced figure."

and

"The Queen is still one of Disney's most terrifying villains, despite being the first. She doesn't need more 'depth' or 'nuance' to be an outstanding character."

"Snow White is a passive character in both the original Grimms' tale and the Disney film. She's defined more by what happens to her and how other people feel about her than by anything she does. So of course modern retellings will tend to find ways to make her a more active player and give her more agency."

and

"A character doesn't need to be 'active' or have constant 'agency' to be a good character. We push for heroines to have 'agency' because women have too often been forced to be passive and rely on men, but for an individual character, in and of herself, 'active' doesn't need to be the rule. In the Grimms' tale, Snow White is passive because she's more of a symbol of youth and beauty than a real person: the real (villain) protagonist is the Queen. And in the Disney film, where Snow White is more of a person and more clearly the protagonist, what she does is be warm, friendly, and full of life and joy. In this way she earns others' love, and love saves her life. For some of us, this is wish-fulfillment and central to the story's appeal. Snow White is threatened with the Queen's terrible hatred, but just by being herself she earns a bounty of love, and love proves stronger than hate."

[papsiguesss]

⭐️⭐️

Thanks for the ask! (ask game post)

Okay so... star meant I got to pick myself... I thought for a while and decided I'd pick out a scene from Swap!AU since that AU is closest to my heart! <3 Going with a scene from the very first chapter, which is Lawrence dying/turning (edited some slight things for easier reading):

***

The exhausted vampire hunter struck the wooden stake with his hammer, using his last remaining strength. He was expecting the undead’s ghastly screams to fill his ears, but he would get to hear no such noises. The vampire simply looked at him as the life slowly faded from its eyes, a malicious grin on its face. Blood trickled down its chin as its corpse fell down to the ground.

(In my mind, Van Helsing never enjoys killing a vampire. I didn't put that much emphasis on it in this passage but I did try to get it across with the word choices)

As soon as he saw that he had been successful, Lawrence Van Helsing slumped down against the wall, breathing heavily as he held his hand near his throat. The pain coming from the two small puncture wounds on his neck was getting worse as each second passed. He had been too careless. He should not have let his guard down. He had been subjected to the vampire’s bite. Now, he was going to have to suffer because of his own foolishness. He felt himself starting to get dizzy as he was losing more and more blood. He had to act fast. He had to do something. If not, his soul would be damned for all eternity.

(I think this fic was mostly me whumping the everliving SHIT out of Van Helsing and honestly... yeah it already showed in the first chapter lmfao. Gotta do despicable things to that man and break his psyche.)

With trembling hands, he reached for a small flask in his suit pocket. Falling down onto his knees, he leaned against the wall, trying to use it to support himself. He pulled the cap away from the small bottle of holy water he was holding and slowly raised it up to his neck, uttering a prayer to himself. He had no idea if this was going to work, but this was his best chance.

He took a deep breath. This was it. He was going to save himself… or he was going to discover the fact that he was doomed. “My lord… I beg of you… please, save my soul”, the vampire hunter muttered as he tilted the bottle and let the last remaining drops of holy water fall down onto his skin.

As soon as it came into contact with his bite marks though, a searing pain shot through his entire body. It felt as if something had set him on fire. He let out a gruesome, inhuman wail, which echoed through the halls of the deserted castle he had found himself in. There was not a single person present to hear his horrendous screams. Maybe it was better that way. If someone had heard his shrieks, they would have been haunted by them forever.

The vampire hunter started to shake as he looked at his hands, starting to realise what had just occurred. The infection had spread too much already. His god had just forsaken him. Nothing could save him now. He was going to die here, and no one would be there to notice it. But it would not be an end for him. It would only be a beginning to a new existence. One of torment. “H-help…”, he stammered, trying to get up and walk away from the dead body next to him. “Anyone… please…”

Okay sooooo this was mostly the part I wanted to talk about!

I'm not sure how clearly it got across, but yes this is a Brides of Dracula reference! I always think scars are a really interesting thing for a character to have and I uh... may or may not have been a bit salty at the fact that Lawrence's burn scar after using his bite first aid strategy just instantly faded because HOLY WATER. Lawrence first only has the burn mark on his neck in the Swap!AU, but this scar later gets worse because someone presses a crucifix against his skin there (FUCK that guy. seriously). Pics underneath for reference. I hope that Lawrence's burn mark is clear enough on the drawing of him I made??

I also thought going with the base premise of the Brides bite scene would make sense since this is also Lawrence dealing with the consequences of getting bitten but of course in this AU he's the vampire and Dracula's the human so... it ends less fortunately for him this time.

Honestly I could rant about this AU the entire day because I have lots of blorbo thoughts about these guys but I'll keep my infodump to this for now haha unless people would like to know more ofc!

[texas-gothic]

Now that I'm just a little bit less

About the whole situation, I think I'm ready to share my thoughts on the newest Salem's Lot.

I'll try not to spend too much time on this film's utterly disregard for its source material. But it did make me extremely irritated. There's not a single change this movie made for the better, and the third act is entirely invented. Revolting stuff, really. It's infinitely worse than the novel.

The thing that strikes me most is that despite its eagerness to improvise with the narrative, this is an otherwise shockingly uncreative film.

The cinematography is remarkably dull. Flat center shots abound. There's a distinctly SyFy Channel Original feel permeating the whole look and feel of the movie. The digital effects are somehow no better than they were in the TNT made-for-televison picture that came out 20 years ago. (SPOILERS) There is a scene where Barlow grabs Danny Glick, and it looks like they superimposed a still frame of Barlow's arm. It looks like a Monty Python bit.

The script is a mess. The dialogue can not make up its mind about what it wants to be, flip flopping between fairly modern speech and lines of prose plucked out of King's novel. The characterization is nonexistent. The only players who get any kind of personality are Mark Petrie and Matt Burke. The actors must have caught on because they're also the only ones who are putting in any work at all.

The villains see their worst incarnations so far. They brought back Hooper's Orlok Barlow, but to none of the effect. For such a simple kind of vampire, he's surprisingly overdesigned. The result is a vampire that looks stupid, not scary. And poor Straker. Even if the Straker character had been given the same emphasis he had in the previous two adaptations, Pilou Asbæk had an uphill battle from the start. The part of this smarmy, villainous, transatlantic bastard was practically made for James Mason like a glove, and the last person to fill his shoes here was the late, great Donald Sutherland. So, not one, but two very tough acts to follow. Unfortunately, he never really gets the chance to show his chops. Straker is grievously neglected, and the movie suffers greatly for it.

And speaking of grievous neglect, I think it's time we finally got to the primary problem with this entire picture. There's a reason that the book is called "Salem's Lot" and not "Vampires" or something like that. Ultimately, this story is about The Lot. The town is a bigger character than Ben Meers, Richard Straker, or Kurt Barlow could ever hope to be. The sense of community is the book's biggest strength. We have to see it built up before we watch it crumble. This movie does absolutely nothing to that effect. Even the Marsten House gets the shaft. It proves more than any other factor that Gary Dauberman and his team simply do not get Salem's Lot.

Maybe my disappointment would be lessened if it hadn't been compounded by the years I spent waiting for this to finally release. And now that I see it, I see why it had such a hard time making its way onto screens. It was a mercy that this won't be seeing a theatrical release, the critics tend to be kinder to streaming exclusives.

For my part, whenever I want to watch Salem's Lot, I still have two other good enough options. 2004 remains the best adaptation of this story in my own opinion, even if it has its flaws. And the 1979 CBS series is always game for a good scare. But this film is going to disappear, and it's going to do it quickly.

[opera-ghost]

thoughts on march 1, 2023 evening phantom performance

the opening line of my notes on this is literally "julia was amazing, ben was on point! paul was there."

i'm so sorry i just don't like his raoul, he seems really bored during think of me and annoyed during the rooftop scene- two points where he just fell really flat for me. him and julia don't have a ton of chemistry either so it's kinda a perfect storm if you're a phantom/christine fan

i could NOT stop watching ted keegan during hannibal, his reactions were entertaining and he actually encourages elizabeth welch's princess to volunteer for carlotta's role after she leaves. it was just really fun to try and look out for the various characterizations from the ensemble

there was a point in angel of music where the white robe thing got caught on julia's hannibal skirt so it didn't fan out to make the white dress she wears for the first lair. it was still caught when she got up from her seat, but then at the end when polly baird and her held hands, polly very subtly pulled the robe for her and it fell halfway, then fell fully into place a few seconds later. this really does not matter but i find little variations like this really interesting so i'm writing this for the one person out there who likes that stuff too :)

some laughter during the STYDI crawl. i've said it before and i'll say it again, i will live and die by this moment. i can't describe to you the intense joy i got when i first saw jeremy stolle do the crawl live in december- it was so creepy and pathetic, i immediately became obsessed. so yes, even though ben's crawl looks a bit funny comparatively, i will still defend it till my dying breath

kanisha was funny to watch during sitzprobe, her mouth fell open in shock when carlotta was insulting the don juan score. her ensemble character is overall very feisty and i love it

let's talk about ben's PONR. this man was SUFFERING. like hyperventilating, panting, shoulders rising and falling with his chest with such intensity while julia sang her verse and he was on the bench. his fingers were moving so much, he had his palms facing up the entire time so he didn't grip his knees/the robe (thinking about franc d'ambrosio.......) which is really a shame BUT he's still so good. when julia went to feel his mask up at the end of the number (fuck you new PONR blocking), he kind of threw up his hands from his lap in a "you've gotta be kidding me" gesture or like "really? now?" and it was hilarious. he did something similar and threw his hands up a bit when she unhooded him too. these two moves weren't something he did the second night i saw him, so it was an interesting choice i guess? idk the best way i can describe his PONR is just "feral"

not as devastating a final lair as the next night with ben and emilie, but this final lair was pretty good too. when julia said the "please raoul it's useless" line, she had an emphasis on "useless" and said it like an insult, while looking at ben with a kind of frustration. ben's second "i love you" seemed really hard for him to get out which killed me, and he sobbed into the veil too (just less audibly than the 3/2 show). i could probably jog my memory with more notes about this part but i genuinely can't find the emotional strength to put myself through it again

[psychewritesbs]

praying the gay away like...

I recently picked up a client that wanted someone to write the copy for his website and I only applied for the gig because I resonated with his emphasis on spirituality devoid of churchy language.

and, mind you, I am not saying churchy language is bad--and even he explained that while he’s not a fan of it, he respects people who like and use it. I too, resonated with this.

so off I go and start working with him and during our first call I notice a couple of things

- first, yes, he’s a white cis male. but like if you saw me, you would think I could be an Asian-looking white cis female--I’m a privileged beaner, raised in middle class México, I have “light” skin and a US passport, so yes, I am privileged af. Yes, I also look like I am half Asian. I’m not half Asian. so I try not to judge cis books by their cover.

- second, he beat around the bush about sensitive topics a lot, as though he felt he might make me uncomfortable. man... of course the psychologist in me totally wrote up a whole character analysis on him on the spot. the diagnosis: repression as a result of religious upbringing. yes, I also totally couldn’t help but think of Sukuna (the disgraced one) as a metaphor for instincts free from reason. 

- but what struck me the most about him was what he said about one of the chapters in the book he wrote. in one of the chapters he shares a story about a friend who was having doubts about his sexuality and how my client was proud of himself for talking his friend into choosing to be straight and how now he has obtained the ideal of a beautiful idyllic family.

me, a chronically single and horny bisexual working on having no qualms about the full expression of her humanity: ... 🫥

and it just left me with such a weird taste in my mouth because, not only did I understand what it means for people to try to impose their narrow view of the world onto others as what is and isn’t normal, I also couldn’t help but notice that this man very clearly perceives himself as having done the right thing. and perhaps it WAS the right thing to do if his friend did not have the ego strength to accept the truth of who he is.

because like, who am I to say what’s best for that man? obviously, I wish he could just accept himself for who he is (because there’s nothing more liberating than accepting and forgiving yourself) and own the fact that he is attracted to men. but that’s asking for a leap of logic where there is no emotional support for the ego to see itself like that.

in other words, he pushed the gay into his shadow where it’s just going to grow and grow and grow and fester until it takes a life of its own or he gets sick or acts out on his impulses.

and what makes me sad the most is that he deemed his sexuality as something to be ashamed of. so obvs now his ego can’t hold the tension of opposites between the idea that homosexuality is something to be ashamed of, and his image of himself as a person who is righteous and wholesome.

and now I just can’t get over how religious dogma curbs the human spirit and I literally have Jung’s commentary on how religion has failed humans in the back of my mind.

so, no. I won’t be praying the gay away. I am going to do my work and I am going to get paid for a job well done and in conclusion, it is indeed time to go back to school for that masters in clinical psychology... 

[ahopkins1965]

The Sinner’s Prayer and What it means to me!!

This is an essay about the Sinner’s Prayer and what does it means to me personally. First, I want to say that I am a Born Again Christian. I am a 9 year old Christian. I am a person who has a lot of intuition. I also have spiritual discernment. What does this means to me? I would like to say that I am asking God to forgive me of all of my sins.

I confess with my mouth and believe in my heart that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. He died for my sins at calvery. I ask Him to enter my heart right now. I confess and forsake all of my sins. I do not go back to doing the same things that I have done in the past. I ask Jesus Christ to become my Personal Savior. I am a brand new person.

Next, I want to say that I am a new creature right now. The old things are passed away, behold, all things are become new. This is 2nd Corinthians 5:17. I want to inform all of you that I feel good about being a brand new creation in Christ Jesus. Also, I want to say that I have given up drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana 34 years ago. I have given up chasing after lewd women 14 years ago.

I have stopped looking at porn as well. I got baptized on February 15, 2015. I have managed to stay out of trouble for the past several years now. I have to take medication for schizoid affective disorder and bipolar 1. I have not been in trouble since November 28, 2011. I have not used any vulgarity in over 6 weeks now. I have asked Jesus to remove my desire to use vulgarity and look at porn as well. I have changed for the better. I know that I have a lot of work to do, especially when it comes to maintaining good behavior.

Second, I pray for everyone every single day of the week. I have asked Jesus Christ to please give me a new heart and remove my heart of stone. I have asked my personal Savior Jesus Christ to cleanse me from all filthiness.

Third, I want to say that I have a brand new heart. I have asked Jesus to follow me for the rest of my life. I read the Holy Bible every single day of the week. I help others on a daily basis. There are some people who actually think that I am living the life of a sinner. I am not living trifle. I have changed for the better. I have been attending all of my AA Meetings on a regular basis as well. The AA Meetings keep me on the straight and narrow. I am also a member of an AA Group of people who are not able to make meetings due to health problems. I share and express my strength and hope with everyone who is online at the time.

Fourth, I want to say that I have been a member of Alcoholics Anonymous for the past 34 years. I am the type of person who tells the truth about myself. I share my experience, strength, and hope on a daily basis with everyone who need help. I also share the Gospel of Peace with everyone as well. I am placing emphasis on the Sinner’s Prayer because this is where it all start. It starts with a confession and admission of sins.

Moreover, I want to say that I confess of all of my sins on a daily basis. I also work the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous on a daily basis. I have to write everything down on paper every single day of the week. I also make amends with everyone who I have hurt during the day. I try my best to never go to bed angry. I want to say that I love everyone. I want to say that my life has changed since I have confessed all of my sins to Jesus Christ. The Sinner’s Prayer allows me to talk to Jesus Christ in private. I also say my prayers every single day as well.

Finally, the Sinner’s Prayer allows me to have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. It allows me to express all of my concerns and cares to Jesus Christ. I feel a lot better when I am able to read His word and allow Him to talk to me. The words that I read that are inside of the Bible helps me to stay calm and relaxed. I will admit that I hear voices that are not the Holy Spirit as well. These voices derived from a source that is unknown to me. I just know that I have been hearing voices that are not the Holy Spirit for almost 10 years now. I will admit that God also gives us instructions, even while we are sleeping.

This is what the Sinner’s Prayer means to me as a person. It gives me an opportunity to run to the Lord instead of dwelling inside of the world that is filled with sin. I am able to talk with the Lord every time I feel like it. The Sinner’s Prayer helps me to improve my relationship with Jesus Christ.

[beyuwol]

DREAMWAVE AUDITIONS ! round two, callback

somehow, yuwol had found himself amidst a panel of judges once more. it’s familiar yet foreign at the same time, the last instance he finds himself in this predicament he’d also been surrounded by an assortment of cameras pointed in his direction. and yet, in this more private setting in a room, the pressure on his shoulders feel a lot more tangible—considerably heavier, too.

why? is it because this feels like his last chance? if he doesn’t make it here, he’d have to face the very real and harsh truth that his parents were, without any shred of doubt, right all along. he doesn’t know what will happen if he moves forward on this path, if this choice he’s making will prove fruitful later down the road. but he doesn’t want to be stuck in this state of helpless and lifeless limbo any longer—he wants to break free out of his cage too, desperate for fresh air, for something that he can learn to love again from the very beginning, without the influence of his parents tainting something he holds dear.

perhaps it’s the sense of desperation that’s spurring him onward, bringing his body back to life in an adrenaline rush pointing towards survival. either way—here yuwol is now, standing before the judges, trying to channel everything that he had learned throughout next gen, and from the trainees that he knew; the people that had helped him in the months leading up to this moment.

he had thought back to next gen, the moments where he receives praise from the judges back then. noticeably, it’s when he makes a change in the musical arrangement, when he completely melts into some sort of ‘concept’ and makes it show in his facial expressions along with the movements of his choreography ( except for this part, he needed to reference things online ).

yuwol remembers when he added an orchestra spin to one of his performances, taking on a more horror or thrilling concept. he does the same here too, showcasing his music composition strengths, weaving a different take to the song. a cover with its own spin. he chooses the song nxde, recording it, creating a more chilling tone to the instrumentals of the song.

he doesn’t have as much skills in choreography, so to showcase the newer take on the song in under sixty seconds, he relies on his voice, the facial expressions he makes, and adding a small spin to his dance movements—lingering in a few steps, to keep the thrilling and elongated vibe of the changed instrumentals. nothing too crazy, knowing that his newly acquired strengths are in the technical aspects of dancing instead of the creativity in choreography. the originally theatrical themes of the song helps emphasize what he’s trying to showcase too, yuwol thinks. yuwol hopes.

yuwol puts emphasis in his vocals too, finding stability in performing live due to his recent experiences. how do i look? put on my beautiful self, he sings, voice steadier than he expected, keeping his expressions in check as he faces the judges, a smirk on his face with his eyes boring into the person in front of him—embodying what he has in mind; a chilling story of a doll trying to break free of its restraints, almost.

something like that. it’s a sixty seconds performance—it’s not a full stage after all; but he does his best in small lapse of time he’s given.

whether his efforts have resonated with the judges… that’s not up to him.

[spritehouse]

Do u take angst hc’s and fic ideas? Like really really dark angst. non-con, torture, kidnapping, Stockholm etc (not romanticized)

I have some pretty angsty ones but I really don’t want to make u uncomfortable and I figured it would be good to ask and get a sense of where ur boundaries are

have a nice day and make sure to drink water<3-🦇

hey, thank you sm for asking!

i have a tendency to ramble a little bit, so here's my short answer:

yes, i do! send them all, i'd love to hear anything you have and give my input! brain dump in my ask box!

and my long answer is:

yes, i'm fine with most topics: if that were to change, i'd try my best to reestablish new boundaries as clearly as possible.

for hc/fic ideas and concepts, send away! say whatever you want! i'll happily give you more than my two cents and then get completely derailed while responding

for fic or writing requests, again, ask away! however, despite my best efforts, i am human and a high school student so i may not be able to fulfill requests very quickly; if there's ever something i can't get to at the moment, or i personally feel i'm taking too long to write something, i'll try to at least acknowledge your request and let you know what's up with it. patience is a wonderful gift for a writer

and finally, there's my writing abilities. my only hard limit is xreader fics, but i do have strengths and weaknesses to writing angst topics. i love writing more emotional/psychological hurt, but i'm always looking to get out of my comfort zone every once in a while. i'd also like to put a special emphasis on my ability to write rape/non-con; im still figuring out sex (conventual)/sex scenes and if i like writing them, so requests for scenes abt that might take a bit, but im willing to give anything a shot

[thoughts-44]

MANIPURA

ENERGY IS BORN INSIDE THE BODY, AND IT IS IT THAT DECIDES WHAT TO PUT ALL ITS STRENGTH INTO

i have the innate ability to work, build, create, and at the same time get great pleasure from it. my body is equipped with a great motor on a chemical level that makes me unusually resilient. i am endowed with endless inner energy.

i do not allow myself to to think too much nor allow the Mind to take over the Sacral, and influence my inner response to conclude to unnecessary assumptions.

i come into the world for an accelerated learning cycle. my wisdom is gathered from the pieces of trials and errors. my role involves endurance and observation. every mistake or failure is just a valuable experience. i do not look around to see if i am are free of what happened before. i will not run the risk of tripping over the present. i relax and see this world in a new light and place my undivided attention unto myself. there is no old story to look back upon.

i constantly demonstrate my openness to connect. emotions greatly influence me and my life. when making decisions, the most important thing for me is to discover and understand the most enduring emotion and redirect it towards my desires.

allowing myself to wait, i see both the best and the worst in every sentence. patience is my key ingredient. spontaneous solutions are not very reliable and correct in my case; clarity comes with time, and with it comes my truth. i does not respond to everything, but only to what suits my energy right now, right at this period of time. i will respond, not initiate.

i allow myself to respond without knowing in advance what that response will be. i allow myself to follow my response without trying to explain it to myself or to other people - there is no reason other than that i have the energy for it and therefore, whatever it is, it is the right thing for me. entering a room, my energy makes everyone present turn their heads towards me. i bring provocative energy to new situations, however, i am careful when offering my energy to people. people perceive the quality of love from me. the way i love people is something very special.

i have a defined Throat Center. i am a great storyteller; my voice is always confident and assertive. my words are my strength. i can always influence a situation or a person with my speech, i am able to convince, hold attention and achieve my goals. Depending on its configuration, the Throat Center can transmit emotions, thoughts, tastes, or will. i do not hold back when i feel like speaking. i let my voice and manifestation go freely. however, i do not put my energy into every action and do not talk about everything. i watch carefully what i should talk about and what i should do, and use my energy only for this. i am open to changing my beliefs. i am open to change.

i have a defined G (identity) Center. i am a purposeful and confident person. i have a sense of my own mission in life; i have a clear understanding of myself and my direction. inside there is a sense of trust that i have in my own path, that it is the right one. i allow to let people go when they are no longer on the way, aligned with me. i have learned to overcome fear and enjoy every new experience, dealing with the consequences effortlessly.

i am unpredictable in the eyes of others. my emotions are contagious and affect the mood and condition of the people around me. due to this emotional variability, i look at the world through glasses of different colours: from pink to black and back through the whole spectrum. in a good mood, i see all the best in projects, people, and opportunities.

i will not get attached to feelings and expectations. i learn to accept and control my feelings. i regularly form contact with my feelings and body. focusing on internal bodily responses, i become an incredibly energetic person, able to move mountains. i do not owe anything to anyone. i confidently rely on my instincts and intuition. i am aware and place emphasis on the full strength of my desires and the seriousness of my intentions. i learn to separate away from unhealthy things. i obtain healing abilities.

i have stopped trying to prove my worth to others and to myself,

i have stopped comparing myself to others,

i have stopped trying to prove something to someone by making promises or competing

i have stopped measuring myself and my value through the amount of money, things, income (etc..) i receive

i respect my nature by moving from sympathy to empathy. i have stopped feeling sorry for others and have learned to empathize. my active compassion will help people to find purpose and direction in their lives. i will not lose myself whilst caring for other people. i am noticed, recognised, and appreciated.