#i try to look my best and be personable and emphasis my strengths and they still hate me

[purepop4nowpeople]

Getting rejected from jobs is fucking demoralizing

[rainsoakedphoenix]

hair

pairing: f!reader x chris sturniolo

wc: 824

warnings: couple swears; kissing

requested?/notes: yes! requested by @bobawitch - i apologize if it's obvious i know nothing about cosmetology school (i tried my best), and that it took longer than i said it would; i hope you like it regardless!

could you do one for matt or chris where their significant other is in cosmetology school and comes home rlly stressed and they comfort her??

you roughly opened the door to the triplets' house, setting your things down on the floor immediately and turning to head up the stairs. as soon as you see chris sitting on the couch you make a beeline for him, almost throwing yourself down next to him. he lifts his hands up in surprise as you plop down, eyes wide at your harsh movements.

"are you okay, love?" he asks softly, placing one hand on your side and the other around your shoulder. you had your face buried in his chest, arms around his mid-section as you take deep breaths.

"i had a terrible day," you mumbled. you could feel him tense up a bit at that. he reached over to grab the remote, pausing the movie he was watching before placing it back down on the arm of the couch. trying his best to shift into a more comfortable position with you on his lap, he gently holds your head in his hand.

"do you want to talk about it?" he tried coaxing your face out of his chest, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear after he did so. you rested the side of your face back on his chest as you looked up at him. taking another deep breath, you tell him everything that happened that day during school.

"-and then my instructor yelled at me because i accidentally mixed the wrong chemicals for the stupid hair dye, so my dummy's hair was patchy and uneven."

you had backed up from him just slightly at this point, one hand flying about the air around you for emphasis as you spoke. chris looked at you sympathetically, eyes widening and head nodding along when needed. he opened his mouth to say something, but you continued.

"so they had me doing nothing but haircuts the rest of the day as punishment. wouldn't let me touch another tube of dye," you finished right before realizing you had interrupted him. "i'm sorry."

"it's okay." he shook his head, a small warm smile appearing on his face as he focused on you. after a moment, the smile left his face as he took his turn to talk.

"i'm sorry you had a bad day," he caressed your face with the hand that was previously resting on your side, eyes boring into yours. "but fuck your instructor; they're there to teach you. mistakes happen, especially with someone just going into the field, but if you make a mistake they should be helping you correct it, not punishing you by keeping you away from what you need help with. plus it wasn't even on a real person, so fuck that."

you placed a hand around his neck as you buried your face in his chest again, trying not to laugh. you loved when he got irritated and defensive on your behalf. seeing your smile made him do the same, and he pulled you closer to him as his face flushed; he knew exactly how you felt about his defensiveness.

"do you feel better?" he asked, pulling away slightly as he looked down at you.

you nodded your head, leaning up to land a kiss to his lips. "thank you."

"always here for you," he whispered. a small smile then took over his features as he leaned forward and began peppering kisses all over your face, causing you to giggle as you tried to maneuver your face away from his.

"what, you don't like my kisses now?" his smile grew as he began tickling your sides, hearing your giggles turn into laughs.

"chris that's not what i said, stop tickling me!" you tried pushing his hands away from you but your strength was already a little weakened. it took you almost falling off the couch to get away from him seconds later before he stopped. he steadily pulled you towards him again, planting a few lingering kisses to your lips this time.

when he finally pulled away, he pushed another strand of hair behind your ear, hand resting on your cheek before he spoke. "go take a shower, do whatever you need to do to relax. i'm going to order us some pizza, and then we can watch a movie together, okay?"

"despicable me."

he playfully rolled his eyes, sending you a smile. "whatever you want. go." he nodded in the direction of his shower, but his hand never left your face until you got up.

"god i love you," you whispered, leaning forward to kiss him one more time before removing yourself from his lap. he watched you with a soft smile on his face until you disappeared down the stairs, then got your choice of movie ready before pulling his phone out to order the food.

it was the most relaxing night ever after a stressful day at school, and you couldn't be more thankful that you had someone that cares for you the way chris does.

[reficu1]

I mentioned that I will write about mbti without stereotypes, at least I tried.To do this, I used my experience of communication and observation with socionics.

INTJ. This is a stubborn and self-sufficient researcher. I want to note that the image of a VERY smart nerd for INTJ is really a stereotype. Since INTJ have an alpha quadra (this is a value or a mission). And in this value, everyone is jolly guys. But the exception is the strict upbringing of the INTJ. Do an INTJ do something for the soul or out of curiosity, so is it useful or profitable? Or not? INTJ don't ask such questions. Yes, they are inquisitive and expand their horizons. Therefore, this type of personality can often change their hobbies and interests. Also, INTJs do not like competition, as it takes a lot of strength and energy, so they don’t need conflict for the sake of conflict and negative emotions. But they can say what they see to their face. straightness.

INTP. They avoid a lot of emotions, so they use their logic. Therefore, if they need to leave, they will simply say that they have business and INTP will leave. INTPs have a complex relationship with emotions, so they cannot sense or anticipate other people's emotions. Because of this, when INTP plans something, it may not take into account the opinions of other people, so INTP may begin to be considered "selfish". INTP is a critic and a negativist. Usually they will come up with something, even something that is not there, and will worry or hate it.

ENTJ. Straightforward and logical people. But is naive in relationships. Yes, they know their business well or how to get something quickly and easily, but do not understand the psychological impact. Over the course of a lifetime, an ENTJ can collect a large number of templates and use them for a lifetime. So if someone in the ENTJ's social circle behaves differently, it will take them by surprise. But he will try to solve the problem. ENTJ only look at the actions that are directed at them, so if you say one thing but do another, the conclusion will be from the actions.

ENTP. They love to joke immorally. Call someone an idiot. It's all ENTP style. Since people do not like to use pain blocks, and for ENTPs this is the ethics of relationships. They don't like the topic of relationships. Since this makes him plunge into the analysis of their own actions in relation to other people. ENTP see the world through a wide range of ideas and opportunities. Therefore, we live once and do everything that interests us, what if the sign "dangerous" is lying?

ENFJ. Feel the emotions of others very well. Even rather shades of human behavior. They see well the bad that is customary to hide in society. This happens unconsciously when trying to bring a person into conflict and analyze how the other person will act. Therefore, the ENFJ is like a dog in an airport looking for a criminal. ENFJ do not want to judge anyone, but will only say what is necessary to the face. ENFJ believe if you are their friend, then act like a friend, but if you make a mistake, then it is fatal.

INFP. This type is immersed in his inner world and fixated on the present time inside their fantasies. It can be noted that INFPs do not want to take money for their work, especially if it is a hobby. They can easily obstragirovatsya and believe in the best. Freedom is very important to them, but order is needed, as they can quickly relax and lose energy while lying on the couch. Routine work is slavery, so if there is no freedom in life, then there is no INFP in life. Because of this, memes about suicide appeared.

INFJ. The most comfortable. Usually INFJ inspires confidence in other people, as this type of personality finds its own individual approach to everyone, to share revelations. Attuned to changes in interpersonal relationships. Usually INFJ is a mirror, INFJ seem to be trying on someone else's image. Due to global thinking and emphasis on the ethical component, INFJ divide people into groups. Often they try to resolve the conflict quickly or not even start. Therefore, it is easier for them to forget or forgive the person who told them rudeness.

ENFP. Easily maintains friendly relations, especially if it brings a lot of positive and interesting events. But ENFP will not communicate with someone else, as this is a very reasonable type of personality. But on an intuitive level, the ENFP know if this person is theirs or not. Only at close range can one recognize this positive person as a rational person. Thinks ENFP very spontaneously from one thought to another.

ISTJ. They look at the world through his logic, so if you don't like their logic, you can leave. Therefore, the ISTJ is very picky about people so that other people are close to their opinion and logic. The longer the relationship with the ISTJ, then more rules may appear, but it depends on the upbringing. It can be noted that since childhood, ISTJ set its own rules. And in order to bring them back from heaven to earth, others need to throw a tantrum. An ISTJ can become bored in a relationship with a calm person.

ISFJ. They usually want to know more so that nothing bad happens. But at the same time, ESFJs are afraid of the new and the unknown. Therefore, this type is inherently suspicious. Unlike ENTJ, ISFJ draw conclusions from words, not from actions. Trying to change someone. This type of personality is not conflict, but if a quarrel have already occurred, then he will begin to lecture. It is also important for ISFJs to have a plan and understanding of their future. And ISFJs are very loyal friends, and it is difficult for them to part with a person if they have a lot of memories.

ESTJ. They are always ready to meet the problem face to face. A very tense personality type. Because of this, ESTJs can get busy and work hard, which is why they can be called a "robot" and it's normal for ESTJs to forget about their condition. If some kind of chaos is going on around them, then ESTJ is cut off and continues to work. Therefore, at work, the ESTJ do not pretend to work.

ESFJ. They spend a lot of his energy on communication. Who sees what alone and sees who, who is. Able to compare and draw conclusions from this. ESFJ switch between modes, so if they have moved home, it will be difficult to get them outside. Any changes or innovations stress the ESFJ. There is a distinctive feature of the ESFJ "If something helped me, then it will help you too" or "It's delicious, so it will be delicious for you too." And if someone wants to prove that it doesn't work that way, it will be very difficult.

ISFP. Their stereotypical positive attitude has a place to be. An emotion-driven personality type, meaning if an ISFP is in a good mood, they will go out and buy something to please themselves. ISFP will not look at their financial condition, if they have enough money for some kind of purchase, they will take it. ISFPs are masters of emotions, so they can help other people and fix their emotional state for better or worse.

ESFP. The type of people who do first, think later. And if because of this they did something bad, they do not find a place for themselves and there is no forgiveness for themselves. They try to gather everyone and chat everyone. Also, ESFP believe that they should do everything perfectly, and then get praise. Often they believe that they are doing their job better than anyone else, and more often this is self-deception. If you point out that their work is nothing, then congratulations ESFP think you're an idiot. And if ESFPs like you, it shows in the way they listen to you, then talk about themselves, even admitting their shortcomings.

ISTP. Bring in the soul, but not in words. Therefore, ISTP will not say something beautiful and poetic, but this type of person tries to do and show his feelings by this. They put their soul and feelings into their actions. ISTP see problems and do not idealize others. If you don't like something, you say it straight to your face. It can also be noted that ISTPs have a "creative" clutter that they don't notice. But in chaos, they always find everything they need, but if they get tired of this dump, they can take it apart. A very picky personality type, as convenience is important to them.

ESTP. When they want something, they always try to achieve it through participation in all events and ESTP take responsibility for the "parties". ESTP can always make logical arguments in their favor. And if ESTP don't get what they want because of some other person, then that other person may look stupid, because ESTP's arguments are ironclad. Can often tell others what to do so that the result is faster and better. But this is not out of malice, and if his actions lead to hatred towards the ESTP, it can drive them into a corner and lower their social activity.

[hannahssimblr]

July seeps into August in a yellow haze. The heat has stupefied the village, slowing all movement, the tourists wading through the humid streets with ice creams melting down their hands, the only kind of food it feels acceptable to eat. It hasn’t rained in weeks, since that first storm of summer, and the landscape struggles. The grass in the local pitch has shrivelled, and the earth has become a powdery dust that fills the air every time our football skims it. It keeps sticking to the sun cream on our skin. Every evening I need to wash an extraordinary amount of grit, dirt and sand out of strange places, like the creases in my elbows, and the webbing between my fingers and toes.

I launch the ball down the pitch to where Jen is bouncing foot to foot near the goalpost, and wander towards the sideline to mop sweat from my brow with the t-shirt I stripped off an hour ago. 

“You want water?” Claire O’Gorman holds her pink metal bottle to me. It jangles with the fluffy charms and beads clipped to it. I shake my head. Jen saw her kissing Shane last night at the front door before she left, so at least twenty percent of the backwash already in that water is bound to be his. I don’t tell her this, because if she doesn’t know what backwash is, I’ll have to go through the whole rigamarole of explaining it, and inevitably end up looking stupid, so I just shake my head.

“You’re running like mad out there,” she comments. “I don’t know how you’ve the strength in this weather.”

“You just endure it, I guess.”

“Hm, I couldn’t. I’m like a princess. I just really don’t like sweating and getting all out of breath. Evie is like you, though,” she adds.

I’m careful to arrange my features into a neutral expression. Claire has been hanging around with us every day for the last week, for reasons that nobody has explained to me, not that I have asked, but when I chat with her, I make sure that I never, ever bring up Evie. Teenage girls are detectives. They pick up on the tiniest facial expressions or shift in tone and use it against you.

I’ve been bamboozled before, and the last thing I need is for Claire to go home to Evie in the evenings and tell her, God forbid, that I asked a question about her. The multitudes of ways they could read into my body language makes me feel queasy. 

“Right,” I say in a bored voice, and scratch my armpit. 

“She’s always like, go go go! All the time, you know? Like playing tennis one minute, swimming the next, going on a mad run the next it’s like,” she rolls her eyes for emphasis, “take a break, girl, please, you know?”

“Mm.”

“I’ve been trying my best to convince her to come to that festival too, just to get away from the routine, but I can’t get her to give me any sort of answer about it.”

I frown. “Did you invite her to the festival?”

“Oh, was I not meant to? I kind of thought it’d be fun if she came, you know, so it’s not just me.”

“I didn’t know you were coming either.”

Her face drains. “Oh, well, Shane asked me, and I-”

“No, no, you can. Oh my God, obviously, I didn’t mean-”

“Right! Okay, of course, but like, I don’t want to impose on-”

“Just I didn’t know Evie might come, that’s all.”

“Well, yeah, I thought it’d be nice for me to have a close friend with me, but if you don’t want her to... like, she might not be able to anyway, so.”

“I don’t not want her to come.” God, why does this feel like a conversation two thirteen-year-olds would have? I swear I haven’t felt this juvenile in years, and I cringe, as though some other version of myself, the cooler Jude, is watching me engage in this conversation and groaning into his hands. Sometimes, these days, I feel like the cooler Jude is slipping through my fingers like handfuls of sand.

“She’s actually really nice,” Claire says with an edge of defensiveness. “I know she’s a bit quiet. I thought that when I met her first too, she was kind of known as the weird girl at school, but when you get to know her, she’s a really sweet person.”

“I know,” I say, my face burning. “I mean... she seems nice. I didn’t mean to imply that she isn’t. Please don’t tell her I think she’s quiet, or weird, or that I don’t want her at the festival or anything like that.”

“No, of course.”

“Because I do… like... think she’s nice, and it’d be okay if she came with us. I would even want her to, actually.” Shut up. God, please, shut the fuck up, you dickhead. 

Claire smiles and nods. 

“But don’t tell her I specifically want her to either, just… Don’t tell her anything.” Oh, line me up against a wall and shoot me, execution style. 

“I won’t.”

I bet she will. And I bet she'll tell her about about the smell of desperation off me, too.

“Turner!” Shane bellows. “What are you at? Your team mates are flailing over here.”

“Right, bye,” I tell Claire, and turn around quickly, unable to bear the embarrassment for another second. 

“Bye!”

As I walk back onto the pitch, I screw my eyes shut and thump my fist against my forehead. 

I’m toast. 

Beginning // Prev // Next

[sorcerersandskillusers]

I think Akutagawa will probably die, but he will transfer Rashomon to Atsushi. That way Dazai’s plan for combining their abilities still comes to fruition.

Sorry for reuploading again, I had to edit any panels containing blood out so tumblr won't flag this for violence again

I really think Akutagawa is going to die in this arc, Asagiri introducing his lung disease on top of saying that he was already dead before he got converted into a vampire feels like a message that this death is supposed to be final.  However, I don’t think Akutagawa is done yet in the story, I’m sure he will have at least one last great moment with Atsushi before the end and I think it will tie together a lot of current plot threads.

Why Akutagawa will probably die: A lot of effort was clearly put, into making Akutagawas death seem permanent; He was confirmed dead twice, his lung condition was revealed which means even if he became un-vamped he would still not have long to live, this could be another fake-out death, but at this point I would be madder if it was, because even though I love Akutagawa, any more fake deaths would really lower the tension of the series

  A lot of emphasis has also been put on Akutagawa looking for a meaning to his life, and slowly realising that maybe Atsushi is important to what Dazai is trying to show him.

I think that Akutagawa will probably temporarily regain control of his body, him keeping his promise is already proof he is still in there somewhere, Atsushi might reference Dazai and it might shake him out of the vampire's control, calling back to this panel.

But I don’t think he will be fully cured, so he will ask Atsushi for that duel he promised him. It would even parallel Atsushi “killing” Shibusawa in TDA, since both were technically already dead to begin with.

Atsushi taught Akutagawa how to value lives, and the patience to consider his actions. Akutagawa will teach Atsushi the conviction to take them and how to overcome the guilt he feels within himself. each one going from black and white, to grey.

My only hang up for this idea was that it wouldn’t make sense for Asagriri to waste all the build up for Atsushi and Akutagawas abilities being perfect complements to each other, but then I had a brain wave for how both things could still happen.

The strength of Shin Soukoku: Atsushi and Akutagawa have the perfect abilities to compliment each other; Akutagawa’s ability has range, defence, versatility, and the power to cut all physical matter, its main weakness is Akutagawa’s weak constitution.

Atsushi’s ability gives him high speed regeneration, insane speed, enhanced senses, basically indestructible fur and claws that can rend the very fabric of an ability.

And when combined, the ‘Black Tigers Supreme Claws’ are said to be able to even kill God if you can land a hit.

The ultimate spear against the monsters trying to destroy Yokohama.

Together they are the ultimate counter to almost any enemy, Dazai has pointed this out before. So, the best way I can think of to keep that perfect combination if Akutagawa dies is…

Atsushi inherits Rashomon: We know that abilities can be transferred from one person to another, Kyouka (a character with a close connection to both Akutagawa and Atsushi) got her ability from her mother. We also know that whenever Atsushi and Akutagawa fight a major villain they grow more in sink and coordinate and merge their skills more and more. This is what Dazai planned when he joined them together.

We also know that Akutagawa only sees his value in his strength, which for him is almost entirely in his ability. Rashomon is what protected him when he was on the streets, and it is what made Dazai take an interest in him. Strengthening his ability was the only thing he thought about for a very long time… Until Atsushi showed him how to see past his own skill and power.   

Atsushi was the one who made him realise that he needed to prioritise some things over his own pride, and in the end, he even sacrificed himself to save Atsushi, proving that lesson had stuck. Him transferring Rashomon to Atsushi would be the ultimate show of humility, him finally letting go of trying to prove his own strength, and instead helping the person he once hated most in the world, he finally learned to temper his sword, just like Dazai wanted him too.

As for Atsushi; he has spent the entire series wracked by indecision, self-loathing and fear. All of which tend to leave him when he is near Akuatagawa. At first because he sees him as an enemy who he can be 100% sure needs to be defeated, so no doubt or fear clouds his mind.

Then as a rival who he can’t afford to let be better than him, someone who gives him confidence just by being everything Atsushi doesn’t want to be.

Finally, as an ally, someone who he can fight alongside and who stops that terrifying fear of being alone that Atsushi has been fighting his whole life. Akutagawa has truly become Atsushi’s source of resolve,

and we see that in how Atsushi perceives him in his vision. 

So, if the transfer happens, it could symbolise Atsushi gaining that strength and conviction from Akutagawa once and for all. Completing their respective character arcs of Atsushi teaching Akutagawa to be selfless Akutagawa teaching Atsushi to be brave.

Dazai: Dazai is the ultimate connection for Atsushi and Akutagawa,

he is what binds them together and what drives them apart, he orchestrated their relationship and turned them into his trump card. But something that seems strange is that we never see Dazai’s reaction to Akutagawa’s death. Atsushi meets up with Ango after he escapes the ship, so there’s no way Dazai doesn’t know exactly what happened, the battle on the ship took place days before the Meursault prison break, so Dazai should have been able to receive one of Ango’s messages, so why don’t we see anything from him? not even disappointment.

We know Dazai has been planning sskk since he first met Atsushi,

and it seems crazy that he wouldn’t know about Akutagawa’s lung condition all the way back in the port mafia. So, I think it's possible Dazai always planned to have Akutagawa die to both motivate and strengthen Atsushi, since we’ve seen that he is, or rather was, not above sacrificing people for the greater good of his plans. It would also explain why he stayed so distant from Akutagawa, never really trying to make up for the things he did despite his promise to Oda, if he knew Akutagawa was going to die, then he wouldn’t want to get too attached to him.

I honestly think that if Dazai might regret his plan now, Atsushi has helped Dazai grow so much so fast since they met, his current arc with Sigma is proof enough of that. But it's far too late to back out of it now, and he probably justifies it with ‘He’s doomed to die anyway.’

The final battle: Every arc final battle in bsd involves Atsushi and Akutagawa fighting, whether against each other, or side by side. And through each of those fights, the two of them grow closer and closer, understanding each other a little more.

I think the impact of their defeat on the ship would be undercut if Akutagawa is just healed and they fight Fukuchi again just like before, there would need to be some major difference this time, and something to give Atsushi an edge over Fukuchi. And what better way to do that, then to use the form that already defeated him once (before he cut the past)

The Black Tiger’s Supreme Claws can cut through space, so can get close to Fukuchi despite his martial arts and insane ability. And If the time sword is cut by the tiger’s claws its ability will stop working, so it might be the only way to kill Fukuchi permanently. 

The main weakness of BTSC was Akutagawa, since he was defenceless while it was used,

so if Atsushi could use it on his own, he would probably be a proper match for Fukuchi in a fight. (Also just imagine Atsushi showing up to face Fukuchi in Akutagawas coat, which he still has since he escaped wearing it and which was originally Dazai’s which fits so well, and facing Fukuchi to avenge Akutagawa, who he now thinks of as a friend.)

And for anyone who thinks that this would make Atsushi to OP, remember that BSD is not a show about who can beat who in a fight, its a show of strategy and hax, there are still plenty of ability users who could counter someone like Atshushi, this would just bring him to the same table as the other heavy hitters. Also keep in mind that the next arc will probably be when we see the skill users from Europe, who are meant to be the most powerful in the world, like the transcendents. 

The event and aftermath: I think the actual transfer would happen after they finally have their duel and Akutagawa if dying, he would transfer Rashomon to Atsushi and ask him to continue Dazai-sans mission and he would acknowledge Atsushi as a more worthy subordinate then he ever was. He might even ask Atsushi to apologise to Kyouka for him, since he seems to genuinely care for her somewhat, it would be a really powerful moment for both of them.

And Afterward I hope Atsushi Finally snaps at Dazai, and actually calls him out for how he treated Akutagawa, which would be great for both Dazai and Atsushi’s character growth and maybe help Dazai realise that he feels genuinely remorseful for what he did, and that might help him understand how Oda felt after he gave up killing.

Overall this theory just ties together so many plot threads, character storylines and bits of foreshadowing, that I really think it might come true, but of course one of BSD’s best qualities is how unpredictable it is, so who knows what will ultimately happen.

I had to remove a lot of the panel evidence, here are all the panels I took out: link

[the-blue-eyed-firebender]

Hi!

Have I ever told you this? (Probably! But I'll say it again, ha) It's been an absolute treat reading your Royai fics. Thank you for joining this fandom!

What are your inspirations? 😃 In terms of writing style, but also ideas, etc. Please indulge us all, and please do geek out about your writing process too!

I always love learning about how fan fic writers work and write!

Thank you, and I hope you have a lovely day~

Hey there!

You are so kind. It's hard to put into words how much it means to have had such a lovely reception from the FMA fandom. I used to write a lot when I was a kid, but eventually stopped due to some unfortunate and painful circumstances. Writing for this fandom over the last couple of months has been an incredible journey. It has healed some very intrinsic parts of me that I’d forgotten were wounded, and I have written more in the last few months than I have in 15+ years.

So, first and foremost, thank YOU.

Inspirations: I've always been a lover of fantasy and science fiction. My very first fandom was Star Wars, followed shortly thereafter by Avatar: The Last Airbender. Recently, I've become a huge Sarah J. Maas fan (I read ALL of her books in the year 2023 - minus the new one that came out in January). I've also enjoyed Suzanne Collins and Leigh Bardugo (particularly her Six of Crows duology).

But really, I just love stories. I love adventure, magic, and romance. I look for complex characters, vibrant worlds, strong magic systems, and rich backstories. My favorites always involve women who embody strength (mental, physical, and emotional), capable leadership, and femininity. Characters who are equal parts war-like and compassionate, fearsome yet soft.

But my very best inspiration comes from real-life: my sweet husband. It's going to sound silly, but I feel like I write about true love because I've experienced it. This guy was 100% written by a woman (lol). He's read everything I've written, and provides the most wonderful feedback and encouragement.

As far as style/process, I feel like I am still developing it? Haha! It's only been a minute since I got back into writing. But it usually starts with daydreaming to music (often songs without lyrics; Secession Studies is a favorite), typically while I'm in the car. With my first FMA fic, The Counteroffer, I was listening to "Beautiful Things" by Benson Boone on repeat. Something about the way he sings "Please stay / I want you, I need you, oh God" really set the tone for that story. That, combined with inspiration from the infamous Chapter 54 of A Court of Mist and Fury.

There's usually an moment or a line of dialogue that pops into my brain first (for The Counteroffer, it was Hawkeye lifting the discharge paperwork to find Mustang has also given her an unsigned marriage certificate). I write that bit, then the rest of the story sort of fills in around it. I write in disjointed fragments, adding chunks here and there and then connecting them together. Sometimes I shuffle things around, moving chunks to different locations in the story to see how it changes the flow.

Beginnings, endings, and titles are usually the hardest for me to come up with.

And here's a few of my own patterns that I've started to notice:

I love stories that read with a poetic beat to them (I think the best example of this in my own work is Hourglass).

I use line breaks for emphasis a lot.

I am intentional about keeping things concise but impactful. When it comes to word count, my personal rule is quality > quantity, always.

I try not to use "said/says" without other descriptive words.

If a portion of the story is dialogue driven, I'll read it aloud to make sure it actually flows like real conversation.

I often drop "and" from sentences when I feel like it messes with the poetic flow ("She became familiar with the space between heartbeats, the squeeze of the trigger, the wet sound of a bullet finding its mark." - Hourglass).

In the same vein, I use a sort of "rule of threes" quite a bit. I break sentences into three parts, offer three descriptions of a character's observation/sensation/emotion, repeat the same phrase three times, etc. (Oh look, I've done it again.)

I write in third person, present tense, always from the perspective of one character at a time. I feel like this puts myself and the reader right in the middle of the action, as it's happening. I dive deep into the primary character's thoughts and senses, both internal and external.

I re-read/re-watch the original content (i.e. FMAB, the manga) often, even if it's just in small parts. It keeps me grounded to who these characters are, and prevents me from going OOC. It's so easy to lose track of characterization if it's been too long since I watched an episode or read a chapter.

Hoo boy this got long. Thanks so much for the delightful ask! It was a lot of fun to dive into my own writing process and habits.

[lilac-den]

Feverish Understanding.

A snippet of TSR's MC and Benefactor, a year after the tragedy.

Thump! Thump! Thump!

"Go away." I groan out with difficulty, the scratch at the back of my throat leaving me less than hospitable to whoever is crazy enough to knock on my door.

Thump! Thump! Thump!

Jesus fucking Christ. I lift my heavy eyelids open and glare at the wall in front of me.

The knocks on the door are still three, but there is a rhythm to it; the first knock comes out hard, but the second knock is softer than the first.

Then the third is just a vicious bang, like the person put a lot of power to make it as loud as possible.

Only one person knocks this way.

I move out of my bed with my blankets curled around me, my hands gripping the fabric as I waddle my way out of my room to the front door. Using one hand to hold my blanket together and the other to grab the door knob, I swing the door open.

"Hello, little nightlight!"

Of course.

I stare at Benefactor, with zir trademark grin and a plastic bag full of unknown items. Ze is in a suit again, this time with a navy blue color. The tie around zir neck is of a dark green color again, another trademark of zir.

I frown quizzically.

"Benefactor," I start, "I didn't know there's another mission today."

"Oh, there isn't." Ze lifts the bag up as emphasis for...well, something, "But I figured I drop by my favorite beneficiary."

"I'm your only beneficiary."

"And you know I only pick the best." Ze counters my statement off lightheartedly, "Mind if I come in?"

I open my mouth, ready to give a response. But ze doesn't even wait as ze strolls in, easily so given how my body feels like a lump right now. As if ze's aware of it, Benefactor grabs me by the biceps and holds me steady before pursing zir lips together.

"Wow, you really are sick."

I swat zir hands off of me. "I'll manage." Despite my words, Benefactor doesn't seem the least bit interested in leaving my apartment. Rather, ze moves to close the door behind zim before trying to drape one of my arms around zir shoulder.

"Come on, be a good employee and let me handle you."

"Who are you, my-" My words get cut off, something tickling my throat hard enough to unleash a coughing fit.

"Tsk tsk tsk. Really now, nightlight, you should have called."

"Call my boss that I can't do my work because I'm sick?" I scoff. "Unethical in our society, don't you think?"

"But I'm not like other bosses, am I?"

I cough again and the phelgm that has been in my throat for a while gets ejected onto my tongue. I furrow my brows and Benefactor manages to grab a tissue while walking me to my couch. Once I sit down, ze offers the tissue to me. I grab it. "Thanks."

"I already told you that sick days are allowed."

"And I think I told you-Mmph!"

I find myself holding a stick between my lips. I look down, just in time to see the digitized thermometer as the numbers go higher and higher until-

"41 degrees." Benefactor clicks zir tongue and I rip the thermometer out of my mouth.

"You-cough!-Wouldn't it kill you to cool it with the mo-cough!-mother hen act?"

"Oh come now, does it kill you if I have a heart?"

I open my mouth to respond but all that comes out is another series of coughs. I take a moment to glance up at zir face, the way Benefactor has that expression of uncertainty.

"You must rest, nightlight."

"I'm..." The heat on my face and the dizziness seems to increase.

"Nightlight? Oi, nightlight!"

My vision turns black soon after.

~~~

Something is stroking my head. There's nothing dangerous about it.

The hand is coarse, but it's also gentle and soothing somehow. I sigh, sinking myself into that warmth.

It's like Ittania is the one stroking me. But this hand is much too large for it to be hers.

The hand disappears but what comes after is something soft covering me. It brings the picture of Maverick tucking me in.

"I'll be right back." Someone tells me. This voice has a soft tone, like Rydigan's. But it is too deep to be his.

A gentle squeeze on my hand. The strength is stronger than Enid's, but no less warm. I fell asleep before I even realize it.

The next time I gain a sense of consciousness, the smell of something boiling forces me awake.

Who's cooking?

I open my eyes wearily and face the ceiling, the setting on one of the light sources in this room on a dim brightness. I still smell the scent.

It reminded me how it's been a year since I lost my sense of smell for food. Or taste.

They all just taste empty to me.

I will my body to move, to sit up from my bed and fight against the fever that plagues me. A heaviness weighs in my mind but I pay no heed.

I raise my eyes and find the figure of Maverick sitting on the lone chair in the room. I can still remember that disapproving gaze of his - a mixture of worry added in.

"I don't need rest." I mumble to him, yet knowing him to be merely a conjured up imagination.

The figure doesn't say a word. I get off my bed and head for the door.

The one standing in my way for it is Ittania now, with her arms crossed and a pout on her face. I move my hand for her.

She slips away from me, leaving me with the cold air instead of her body's warmth.

"[Name]..."

I don't need to turn around to know it's Rydigan. I grab the doorknob and swing the door open.

And Enid is there, staring at me.

A part of me still aches. But I have dance this tune much too often. I close the door behind me, keeping my body away from hers.

I still feel cold from my attempt with Ittania.

I make my way for the kitchen with silent steps, following the source of the smell until I see Benefactor.

Ze's wearing a soft green apron, with hand stirring a pot full of soup and the other holding a bowl.

"Still there?"

I sigh at zir question and step deeper into the room till I'm near zim. "Yeah."

Benefactor nods in understanding. Ze knows I have ghosts hanging onto me, no matter how many therapists, drugs or treatments I get. Whatever therapists that didn't try to scam me for my money usually said this was my survivor's guilt talking, that I was traumatized over being the witness and sole survivor of a tragic tragedy.

Benefactor, who abhorred their assumptions, told me it was simply me not wanting to let them go, that I felt more guilt in not being there for them than outliving them.

I couldn't agree with zim more

"You cook?" I start a conversation with zim and Benefactor doesn't bat an eye.

"The fact you ask me that means I'll have to do so more often." Benefactor pours the soup in a small bowl, the liquid releasing hot steam. Ze passes the soup to me. "Remember to blow before drinking."

"I'm not a child."

Ze chuckles. "Of course not. I'm reminding you as an adult."

I roll my eyes at that and blow on the surface and edges of the liquids before taking the smallest sip. Much to my surprise, the soup tastes...fine.

No, rather than fine-

"How is it?"

"I can taste this."

Benefactor nods, pauses then asks again. "Do you truly?"

"It's not a lot," I start, "but the fact I can taste even the salt is something."

Benefactor chuckles. "I'm not surprised. This had been an old recipe, one of a kind."

"Then how did you learn it?"

Ze stirs zir spoon into the soup, mixing the ingredients and spices within. "Someone taught me to."

I furrow my brows. "That's vague."

"I've always been vague," Ben answers without much to reveal any deeper meaning on that. I watch zim stir, again and again...

"What were they like?"

Ben stops stirring. A stony silence.

I look at zir face but it's an unreadable one, unlike the usually mad grin ze adopts. But zir black eyes remind me of what I see every time I look in the mirror since the incident.

I open my mouth. "It's okay if-"

"They were beautiful."

I stare blankly at the words Ben speaks out. The first set of words to escape zim. But more than that, zir black eyes have softened considerably. It's like the inky, black void turns calm and gleams with a light I've never seen before.

Then ze turns to me and zir gaze darts to my bowl.

"Drink up before it gets cold."

[great20sworld]

LIVING THE DREAM

A Viktor x Reader fanfiction

Author's note: Chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7 and chapters 8 are available in my Tumblr page along with summary.

⚠️ Disclaimer ⚠️: Societal aspects appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real world aspects are purely coincidental.

Chapter 9: Not You

________________________

"You have to leave."

Viktor says in one breath, his gaze travelling anywhere but meeting yours. After you, Jayce and him defied gravity by charging up the 'Hexcrystals' (as per Jayce's method of nomenclature) Heimerdinger had given permission for Jayce to transfer his research materials into a new workspace where he could proceed to investigate the potential of the crystals. Jayce had been overjoyed, and overwhelmed so much so that he had to resist the urge to show tears of joy in front of his new friends.

However, even the exhilaration of discovery and development wasn't enough to tackle the exhaustion which had come hand in hand with the time, energy and effort put into your frantic work. Afterall, even great minds require rest- more than the layperson sometimes (or so Heimerdinger said). With the final promise that his equipments and research would be safely preserved until used again, Jayce and you were allowed to leave. However, Viktor was detained by his old professor.

He looked like a deer caught in headlights when Heimerdinger called him back into his office. Even though Jayce and you immediately backtracked at the professor's words because you feared Viktor may get punished, you were both sent on your merry way, you back to Gina's house and Jayce back to his (although you spent some time in the astronomy department with someone you found very interesting).

Nothing could hinder Viktor's giddy attitude from last night- or so you thought.

Oh, how innocently wrong you were.

The next day when you sauntered you way into the academy, (recieving looks full of admiration and awe from some students and researchers who were passing by, some who knew you from your immense strength to carry huge cartons, and some who heard scarce rumours from yesterday), you did not expect to get yanked into Viktor's office by the man himself.

"Woah- there are better ways to ask for an autograph, Vikt-..."

Your grin immediately fades at the sight of Viktor's expression.

Well, you can now say you've seen your favourite character's "displeased to the umpteenth degree" expression in the first person. Also, conflicted.

Which brings you to the present moment.

"What do you mean I need to leave?" You furrowed your brows as Viktor closes the door behind you, to avoid the students trying to peek in. Your bewilderment was being greatly distracted at the sight of Viktor's small cozy office, though you try your best to keep up with his seriousness.

"You know exactly what I mean." Viktor says, turning back to you, not a hint of a smile on his handsome face.

"You need to leave...the academy, the project, whatever you're involved with...associated with me. We cannot keep this up."

Your eyes widen, eyebrows shooting up your forehead, as your lips part in an incredulous scowl. "What...! I can't leave! You said it yourself, I'm your...."

"You're not my assistant." He interrupts, tapping on his desk for emphasis. "I don't know what I was thinking when I said that to Medarda- but I'm taking it back now. You're not. Overlooking the fact that you don't even work here!" You couldn't help but notice slight hesitation in between his sentences, as if he was drilling himself to say it. Not to mention the discomfort he felt in addressing you like a disobedient student under his tutoring.

As he was searching for words, you interfere, your tone measured and your countenance sober for once, arms folded over your chest, leaning forward.

"What did Heimerdinger say to you yesterday?"

He stops, his gaze finally settling on yours. A glimmer of dither played in his eyes before he snaps back at you.

"This is not about-"

"What. Did. He say?" You emphasise your point, mimicking him and tapping on his desk with your forefinger, ignoring the delirious way your mind fixates upon the way his hair seems to be defying the laws of physics whenever his head moved.

After a heavy sigh, he presses his forefinger and thumb over his eyes rubbing them lightly. "He was agitated. Well, despite us inventing something chaotically phenomenal overnight, he was upset about all the academy codes I, as his assitant had broken. Stealing one of the confiscated items, sneaking into his office, bringing someone who is banned from the academy with me into said office...." He counts of on his slender fingers as he lists of his "crimes".

Another shaky sigh leaves his chest.

"...and, where do I come in on this?" You ask nonchalantly.

That only irritated him further. "Didn't you hear me? I've broken enough academy rules already and gotten myself two weekends worth of extra work as repercussion, an unregistered assistant... shouldn't be one of the rules I've broken."

"Ha! Well too late!" You hit the table lightly, grinning triumphantly. "Jayce already accepted me for hextech work, and technically, he is the one I should be listening to on that matter."

Without missing a beat, he says, "Jayce didn't say that."

"Yes he did!"

"Not officially - not legally. You are still someone who is completely unrelated- In the eyes of the academy."

"Well then tell him to add me legally..." You raise one eyebrow.

Viktor facepalms, shaking his head (you repress the urge to tuck a strand of errand hair behind his ear gently). "It is not so simple! Were you a student of the academy?"

"...No."

"Are you in training here?"

"Uh..."

"Are you involved in any research here?"

"Well...um-"

"Ignoring all that..." Viktor gestures vaguely, "you haven't even undergone the apprenticeship process, not given the interview! Haven't been assessed properly by me! I'd know, I haven't seen you in the list."

To say you were defeated seemed like an understatement. You found your arms dangling at your sides helplessly, mind wandering.

"I'm sorry..." Viktor's gaze lifts from you, fixing on splotches of dried old ink on his desk. "But if anyone, Heimerdinger being the worse case- notices that you are... Unidentified regarding the documents, you could meet worse fates than being told off from my office."

"I helped you guys..."

"Y/N..."

"You're supposed to be thanking me or even getting my legal documents taken care of, for what I did yesterday..."

"Y/N I am not going to get you into troubling territories just because you're capable of helping us, with work!" Viktor's voice hardens, his hands gesturing palms open in stressed undertones.

Your lips adjust themselves into a scowl, but deep inside you were desperate.

"Why do you even care so much about the rules, anyways? You are from the undercity and..."

The sudden commanding impact of the metal on the end of his cane with the tiles beneath you, silences you so suddenly that you flinch at the noise.

"And what...?" The voice you so loved wasn't warm nor agitated. It was cold, harsh, chilling you to the bone. "Yes, I'm from the undercity, does that equal rebellious and uncaring of propriety? Perhaps I could only achieve by breaking the rules?" The way his eyes narrowed piercing your soul with those amber eyes were beyond disconcerting, you would have felt better if he had punched you.

"Viktor no- I....that is not what I meant, I meant you are rebellious in the umm...good way...?"

You should shut up.

"Leave. I have another assistant, someone who won't question me! Dismissed." You could tell those jaws we're clenched as he spoke between gritted teeth.

You wanted to run. But your steps seemed unhurried as if still being pulled towards the man you admired. The slam of the door behind you almost brought tears to your eyes. To escape the staring of startled passerby students, you walk outside, your adventure over even before it began, your heart beating fast as the shameful shade of red took over your cheeks and eyes filled with tears.

______________________________

The cacophonous symphony of the metal laden machinery ploughing its way into the thick groves in the backside of the academy in an attempt of destructive progress was somewhat succeeding in the duty you assigned it to do in your own mind- drowning out the words echoing in your brain spoken from hatred you didn't deserve. Your mind subconsciously lingered on the plumes of dust and smoke rising as gravel was crushed beneath the machinery- each a part of a bigger boulder once upon a time, now flecks of stone, your gaze travelling up and above the skeletal framework of the buildings.

You had contemplated rushing straight to Gina's, but then stopped yourself at the self depreciating voice clawing at the back of your head for being a burden; pulling that poor soul away to lament about your inconsequential attempts at accompanying the one you admired in his works and passions. No, you couldn't disturb Gina. You had already done your duties for the day, helped her out with the big crates from the factories which supplied the raw materials, did most of the cleaning, taken her son to his school and even tried helping with the baking (keyword being "try" here, but she was kind enough to complement you).

So you had lost your way in wandering around the huge localities covered by academy buildings. If anyone asked though, you would say it's intentional, to be poetic about it in your own stinging loneliness. You had tried talking with the super intelligence tied to your wrist, it's mechanical monotone not reaching anywhere near to human comfort.

What would machines know of the heart?

Strangely, you were glad this wasn't the only instance where you found yourselves by yourselves though. It was clearly obvious that you preferred your own company more than anyone else's. That didn't make the memories of your own failed experiments and rejected theory proposals along with unpleasant lab accidents any less embarassing or painless. You had tried your level best to not create mistakes in the much more technologically and scientifically developed world- where you came from. You loathed the fact that most of them still lead to debacles, but you prides yourself on the fact that none of those blunders seemed to make you love science any less, no matter who criticized you.

Why was criticism from Viktor any different?

You scold your foolish heart in being so tender to the cuts inflicted on it by the one it yearns for. He wouldn't even have noticed, you were sure. No, his heart was promised to progress and the depths upto which he could plough into wisdom of sciences.

Weren't yours too?

You didn't know. Not anymore.

A sudden tap on your shoulder snaps you out of your reverie. Startled, you turn, to be met with the silhouette of a massive man standing right behind you. You stumble forward, craning your neck to catch a glimpse of his face as he stood blocking the sun. At this angle, he looked powerful, his arms huge with muscles, face scarred and marked with such strange marks that you wouldn't dare to venture into the tales of how they came to be. The man was practically glowering down at your smaller form like you were his deadly enemy.

Suddenly, your eyes catch sight of the veins throbbing in his temples and arms. There was no mistaking it. It was imprints of something which had flowed through his veins, a testament to endless torture from where he served the monsters. The veins were....

Dangerously purple.

______________________________

SLAM!

Sky Young winces, her shoulders raising nearly upto the tips of her ear when the loud sound rings out in the hallway.

Was that Viktor's office door?

Who just left?

She quickens up her pace on her way to his office. Viktor had asked her to meet him. She sees you walking outside, rather briskly.

"Y/N....?" She calls out, but her call did nothing to slow her down, as she walked out. Maybe she didn't hear her? Her gaze darts to Viktor's office.

What happened?

Sky enters Viktor's office, slowly swinging the door open partially as if something will jump out- to see him sitting hunched over in his desk, his head in her hands.

The creak of the door alerts him,

"I told you to get out- oh!" Sky is taken aback by the uncharacteristic grimace resting on his face until he catches sight of her, to which he quickly adjusts his expression to an agitated smile.

No. Not smile. A stretch of the lips.

"Um...good morning?" Sky smiles softly, walking in.

"Good morning Sky..." Viktor says quickly, sitting up straighter.

"...Is everything alright?" She asks cautiously.

"Yes, ofcourse everything's fine. Please, sit down, I have something to ask of you." Viktor says, his hand quickly searching in the desk to draw out some papers from files.

Sky sits down, placing her own clipboard on the desk. It contained information of the latest interviews and examination details of the new training researchers to be recruited into the academy. Something about it bothered her extremely to the point where she decided she must discuss it with her trusted friend, Viktor. However, since he had called her here first, she lets him speak first.

"So, me and Jayce Talice..." He began, a bit unsure on how to go about the news.

"Oh! Yes, I've heard!" Sky suddenly says, grinning. "Hextech...right?"

"How did you know?"

"Word travels fast..." She chuckles, looking at him. "Although, you could have contacted me to handle lab safety procedures before you began... experimentation. I was still working in the astronomy tower..." She smiles kind naturedly.

"Y-yes, about that... I, I'm sorry that I didn't contact you sooner for this but, I need your help now."

"Ofcourse Viktor, I'm your assistant." She says, and dismisses the slight flinch from him as a result of sleep deprivation.

"Well, you are also... assistant to many others. Around the academy. You work in different departments for lab procedures and measurement system controls..." Viktor says, pulling out a sheet of paper titled "Lab Assistant Transfer certificates". Sky's eyes scans the paper.

"This field, that has newly opened up now, and with many possibilities, some of which we are sure of and some of which we are still exploring is bound to get hectic and very busy for us to handle without a... permenant assistant in the field. Might I ask you to be...that assistant?" He smiles, politely handing her the page. "I can assure you this would be worth your time and effort!" He adds.

Sky beams. "Yes! I'd be more than happy to help!" She exclaims.

As Viktor smiles, reaching out for the pen for her to sign the document with, she suddenly asks, "what about Y/N? She'll be there too, right?"

"W-what?" Viktor stutters.

"Y/N, She'd be working with me then, right?" Sky smiles, looking for an affirmation.

"Sky...what are you saying!" Viktor says, as if shocked. "I just send her away!"

"Send her away?! Why?" Sky asks, surprised.

"She is not from the academy! Neither is she in training, she cannot..."

"But she did help you both, didn't she?" Sky interferes, confused.

She could see viktor's lips tremble slightly. Nervous, was he?

"Sky, no, not you too! You don't understand..." He rambles, running a hand through his hair. "Heimerdinger, if he found out... For heaven's sake, we would be going against the academy laws if we let her stay!"

Sky chuckles, looking at him incredulously. Viktor hesistates.

"What's so funny?" He asks, irritated.

"Viktor take a look at this." Sky slides her clipboard with the names of the newly recruited assistants towards Viktor, along with their qualifications listed on the side.

"The majority of the people chosen here in order to research and work in their respective fields in the academy, are from Piltover. Now, if you look here..." She taps the qualification papers. "And study it closely, you can clearly see that many from the undercity have been turned down, even when they are obviously more qualified to be studying and working here. They don't offer them the opportunity to grow and prosper with knowledge...." Sky says, her brilliant mind outraged.

"....because they're from the undercity." Viktor finishes her sentence in a murmur, as if his head is afloat amoungst the clouds. He felt lied to. Betrayed.

"Yes. Upon closer inspection, Viktor I was able to recognise that a lion's portion of these people who have been accepted have been accepted by financial support alone. There's even special priority for people who are in Piltover as per this special category, for crying out loud!" Sky's frustration only grew.

Viktor hadn't paid much attention to this before. The academy of piltover had posed as a prestigious central sector of knowledge and opportunities for all. The all coming with "some terms and conditions apply" dulled the beauty and glory with which the academy had stood- for him atleast.

"Viktor... Do you remember?" Sky continues, her voice hushed and gentle, as she remembers a painful memory. "When you helped me prepare my own resume to enter the academy research sectors, there were... Countless other piltovian competitors. You encouraged me still in this path and you stood up for me when the time came."

Ofcourse Viktor remembers it. How he had spent hours consoling Sky about what she had to face during her interviews, enraged at the system itself, and standing by her side for open defense of her proposals to the research fields, which took weeks, his voice was heard those days. Defending the undercity in whatever minute ways he could, however fast on his mind he had to be, was one of his passions even in his soft spoken tongue.

That endeavour had turned out to be fruitful and Sky had been accepted, immediately offering to be part time assitant to him. His lips gently lift upwards at the memory.

"All I'm saying is, the people who actually need the opportunity to continue on the path of knowledge, to seek discoveries and those who actually have the intellect and passion to do so, atleast the passion to learn are pushed away in the name of prejudice; you know that. Why fuel a system which is already deteriorating because of its own posion? Why obey their rules?" Sky questions him.

He had no answer.

"Viktor, we are from the undercity- we know what it felt like to have our chances ripped away from us, we won't stand for this, would we?"

Viktor remembers your words. "you're from the undercity...!" You had said passionately to him, and he had pushed you away, with the false notion that your words would contain nothing but disdain and prejudice.

How could he? He drove away a bright soul...

"Please... Please call her back, I didn't know that was what had happened before but, we can still fix this!" Sky says desperately.

Truthfully, she had met the starry eyed young woman who had turned around the fate of piltovian technology last night in the astronomy tower. You were the one who had told her everything, who had enthusiastically hinted that Viktor would indeed call upon her to transfer her various department jobs into a singular, better one (and how accurate you had been!).

She had found a kindred spirit last night in the tower, one who liked to eccentrically mess around with the rules governing natural philosophy until something strikes and changes the perspectives of everything. Hextech being only one of them, sky truly believed. Sky was ecstatic to know that she would also be working with them, on this new unfamiliar but exciting path of discovery. To hear that Viktor had send her away was equivalent to having something shatter inside her- something she needed the most.

A friend. Someone who understood.

She liked you and she had a transient feeling Viktor did too.

The sound of Viktor's sigh brings her back to the present. He was standing up now, cane clutched nervously in his hand, his fingers tap-tap-tapping away at the handle.

"What if...what if she gets in trouble for this?" A nervous tap on the desk.

"Do you think she would care? Didn't you see her, Viktor..." Sky implores, her eyes wide. "I don't know if you've noticed, but pretty sure she'd be the last person to be frightened about getting into trouble with the academy. Besides, she's strong..." A small chuckle sounds from her. "Quite literally."

She is pleased to see a small smile creeping its way upto Viktor's lips. "She is. Smart too..."

"Then why are we still here?" Says Sky, standing up, as Viktor already makes his way to the door.

"Let's go bring her back!"

_________________________________

Chapter 10 available NOW in my Tumblr page.

[princesssarisa]

Comments about "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" that can and should coexist

I think these comments address every feminist complaint I've ever read about the 1937 Disney classic, though I don't know if they'll all be "addressed" in the live-action remake or not.

"It's an old-fashioned convention for a fictional young girl's dreams to revolve around romance, based in the outdated, patriarchal idea that love and marriage are what female lives 'naturally' revolve around and should revolve around. It's only appropriate that more 'modern,' 'feminist' heroines have different wishes and goals."

and

"For a lonely, abused orphan like Snow White, whose only apparent friends at the beginning are birds, it's perfectly natural that she should dream of love."

"Love at First Sight isn't realistic, to portray it in modern media is out of fashion, and in real life, it would be ridiculous at best and disturbing at worst for a young man to just notice a pretty girl singing alone in a courtyard and promptly climb over the wall and sing a love song to her."

and

"Love at First Sight is a storytelling convention, and children can see it in fairy tales without assuming it's real. It won't make your daughter instantly run off with a cute stranger. Snow White and the Prince's romance isn't meant to be realistic – it's a simple, old-fashioned, idealized Romeo and Juliet-style romance, and we should feel free to enjoy it as such."

"Modern feminism doesn't like damsels in distress. It's only natural that in today's media, heroines should show more strength in the face of danger than they did in 1930s media."

and

"It's perfectly natural for Snow White to be petrified with fear when the Huntsman is about to kill her – instead of, say, trying to fight back – and frantic with terror as she runs through the dark forest. Not because 'girls are weak,' but because she's so young. A boy in the same situation would have just as much right to be terrified. Besides, after her initial terror passes, she proves remarkably resilient as she comforts herself by befriending the animals and singing a song. Not all strength looks 'tough,' after all."

"The original Grimms' tale and the 1937 film's emphasis on Snow White's cleaning and cooking reflects an outdated, patriarchal model of ideal femininity. It's probably best for a modern retelling to at least slightly downplay it, or omit it altogether."

and

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a nurturing personality and favoring domestic skills, regardless of gender. It's perfectly fine that as an individual, Snow White enjoys cooking and uses songs and imagination to make housework fun. Especially because of the Cinderella-like life her stepmother forced her into – domestic work is the main skill that she's learned, and it's all she has to offer the dwarfs in exchange for staying in their house."

"The 1937 Snow White is a bit too much of a 'mother hen' to the dwarfs, in a way that arguably borders on ableism. In a modern reimagining, she should remember that they're her elders, not children, and give them due respect."

and

"It's endearing to watch Snow White cajole, gently scold, and tease the dwarfs, and to gain power over a household of seven men in her own soft way."

"As the Queen's only (step)child, Snow White is presumably the heir to the throne. Retellings focuses on her coming into her own as a leader, leading a rebellion against the Queen, and finally becoming queen herself in the end are valid. So are retellings where the Queen is only Snow White's regent and wants to kill her not just for her beauty, but to keep the throne for herself."

and

"Snow White doesn't need to be a leader and her storyline doesn't need to be political in any way. That's not what the tale is about."

"Someday My Prince Will Come isn't a modern feminist song, just like I'm Wishing isn't one. It's out of fashion for a heroine's dreams to revolve around romantic love. The emphasis on the Prince coming to Snow White also places her in a passive role, rather than letting her be active like a more modern heroine and search for him."

and

"Someday My Prince Will Come gets a bad rap. Snow White isn't fantasizing about a prince she's never met. She loves him already, and is singing of her undying hope that they'll meet again, even though it seems unlikely that they will. Nor does she center her whole life around her dreams of him. Apart from the song and her wish on the "wishing apple," she never even mentions him after their meeting: as much as she loves him, she doesn't waste time pining for him, but moves on with her life while holding onto her faith that they'll reunite. Nor can she go looking for him herself, because she's in hiding from the Queen, so of course she dreams that he'll come to her."

"Snow White is painfully naïve to trust the Witch, and to let her in the house and take food from her despite having been warned repeatedly to beware of strangers. This earns her no points as a role model. It's no wonder that modern adaptations tend to make her 'smarter,' and either (a) have the Queen take the shape of someone she already knows and trusts, or (b) have her know the apple is poisoned, but eat it as a self-sacrifice to save the dwarfs' lives or some such thing, or (c) rewrite the story's climax to cut the poisoning altogether."

and

"Snow White isn't stupid, she's just naïve because she's young, and the Witch takes advantage of her kindness and her love. Despite knowing better, she can't bear to refuse a frail old woman's pleas to let her rest in the house. Then when she's told that the apple grants wishes and will bring the Prince to her, when she's been dreaming of him so ardently and still has no way of knowing if they'll meet again, she can't resist. It's a fatal mistake, but aren't heroines allowed to make mistakes? Must she be a role model in every moment? Why can't it be poignant that the Witch takes advantage of her youthful innocence and tender heart to mislead her?"

"The trope of the male hero saving the heroine was overused and outdated long ago. It makes sense for a modern retelling of Snow White to find some way or other for Snow White to save herself."

and

"The Prince waking Snow White isn't a particularly glaring case of 'boy rescues girl.' It's just a matter of love conquering evil. The Prince doesn't do any 'manly' act of heroism; all he does is give Snow White a kiss that he doesn't even know will revive her."

"The Prince kissing the seemingly-dead Snow White's lips has earned so much controversy over the years that it should be no surprise when modern retellings avoid it."

and

"The Prince's kiss isn't 'necrophilia' or 'non-consensual.' He's just giving his 'dead' beloved a sad, affectionate farewell. In later movies, is Belle being 'necrophiliac' or 'non-consensual' when she lays her head on the Beast's lifeless chest while declaring her love, or is Elsa when she hugs Anna's ice statue form in grief? This is no different."

"The Queen can be seen as a misogynistic figure, first of all by vilifying a woman in power, secondly because petty vanity is her motive, and any possible sympathetic explanation for why she's so desperate to be the fairest in the land (e.g. because society ties women's worth too much to their beauty) is ignored. It's understandable that a modern retelling should try to make her a more nuanced figure."

and

"The Queen is still one of Disney's most terrifying villains, despite being the first. She doesn't need more 'depth' or 'nuance' to be an outstanding character."

"Snow White is a passive character in both the original Grimms' tale and the Disney film. She's defined more by what happens to her and how other people feel about her than by anything she does. So of course modern retellings will tend to find ways to make her a more active player and give her more agency."

and

"A character doesn't need to be 'active' or have constant 'agency' to be a good character. We push for heroines to have 'agency' because women have too often been forced to be passive and rely on men, but for an individual character, in and of herself, 'active' doesn't need to be the rule. In the Grimms' tale, Snow White is passive because she's more of a symbol of youth and beauty than a real person: the real (villain) protagonist is the Queen. And in the Disney film, where Snow White is more of a person and more clearly the protagonist, what she does is be warm, friendly, and full of life and joy. In this way she earns others' love, and love saves her life. For some of us, this is wish-fulfillment and central to the story's appeal. Snow White is threatened with the Queen's terrible hatred, but just by being herself she earns a bounty of love, and love proves stronger than hate."

[lostcauses-noregrets]

(Ackerman bond anon here) Thank you for your answer. Going through the references and analysing everything carefully. You amazing for always carrying so much knowledge of our old men yaoi (eruri). PS.: Personal question, how did you interpret "A choice with no regrets" name title? Since the Ackerman Bond is mentioned as a choice. Did you wonder that perhaps choosing Erwin was Levi's own choice without regret? (You can answer as person / headcanon as you wish, 'd love to get your insight).

Thank you Ackerman-bond-anon, you're very welcome ♡

The whole point of Levi's "choice with no regrets" mantra is that the future and the outcome of our choices are unknowable, so the best we can do is make a choice in the present moment that we will least regret.

I think Levi's decision to follow Erwin is very much a choice with no regrets. This comes across most clearly in the ACWNR visual novel (my emphasis):

Erwin: "Of course. That's the duty of those who survived, after all. Well then—will you come along with me now, or run away from here and go home? Decide that on your own." What a man—Levi thought to himself. When he'd gotten caught in the underground, he'd felt humiliated. He had thought that Erwin was brimming with an air of superiority as he looked down at his catch—but now, Levi knew that he'd been mistaken. That kind of quarrel about superiority or inferiority had never concerned Erwin even in the slightest. He was, after all, fighting a more important war against the titans—no, perhaps, it was against something even bigger than that. Fixing his sight on that something, he'd carried on fighting, trying his hardest to defeat it. Levi thought—he'd been obsessed only with his pride, limiting his horizons only to that, and had then lost important friends as a result—with his current self, he definitely had no chance at winning against this man. If that's the case— "All right… It looks like you have something that I lack. Until I know what that 'something' is, I'll go with you." Having made his choice, Levi stood up. And then, catching up to Erwin, he began to trod through the heavy rain that obscured everything before them— Towards the hope surely left somewhere in this broken world, he began to walk.

At the point that Levi chooses to follow Erwin, he doesn't fully understand what Erwin is fighting for. He knows that Erwin is fighting for a higher purpose but he can't ascertain what that is, however he recognises that Erwin has something that he lacks; a vision, a goal, a cause to dedicate his strength to, so he chooses to follow Erwin until he finds out what that something is. Levi doesn't know what the future holds, but in that specific moment, following Erwin is his best bet, not just for survival, but to find purpose and a cause to fight for. That's his choice with no regrets.

This is one of the things I love about Erwin and Levi's relationship. Levi doesn't trust Erwin unconditionally right from the start, his choice to follow him is very much conditional on finding out what drives Erwin to fight. However he recognises immediately that Erwin has something he lacks - a cause to turn his strength to, and that's enough for him to decide to follow him. Their relationship and the Deep Bond of Mutual Trust(TM) grows from that point onwards. Their relationship isn't immutable though, it changes and develops as they face new challenges, as Levi learns more about what that "something" is. This is why Levi chooses to continue following Erwin and fighting for his cause, even after he discovers that Erwin had the "self-interested goal of fulfilling his own dreams" and that he had an "innocent, childish, dream-chasing side to him." Levi still has no regrets about the choice he made.

[opera-ghost]

thoughts on march 1, 2023 evening phantom performance

the opening line of my notes on this is literally "julia was amazing, ben was on point! paul was there."

i'm so sorry i just don't like his raoul, he seems really bored during think of me and annoyed during the rooftop scene- two points where he just fell really flat for me. him and julia don't have a ton of chemistry either so it's kinda a perfect storm if you're a phantom/christine fan

i could NOT stop watching ted keegan during hannibal, his reactions were entertaining and he actually encourages elizabeth welch's princess to volunteer for carlotta's role after she leaves. it was just really fun to try and look out for the various characterizations from the ensemble

there was a point in angel of music where the white robe thing got caught on julia's hannibal skirt so it didn't fan out to make the white dress she wears for the first lair. it was still caught when she got up from her seat, but then at the end when polly baird and her held hands, polly very subtly pulled the robe for her and it fell halfway, then fell fully into place a few seconds later. this really does not matter but i find little variations like this really interesting so i'm writing this for the one person out there who likes that stuff too :)

some laughter during the STYDI crawl. i've said it before and i'll say it again, i will live and die by this moment. i can't describe to you the intense joy i got when i first saw jeremy stolle do the crawl live in december- it was so creepy and pathetic, i immediately became obsessed. so yes, even though ben's crawl looks a bit funny comparatively, i will still defend it till my dying breath

kanisha was funny to watch during sitzprobe, her mouth fell open in shock when carlotta was insulting the don juan score. her ensemble character is overall very feisty and i love it

let's talk about ben's PONR. this man was SUFFERING. like hyperventilating, panting, shoulders rising and falling with his chest with such intensity while julia sang her verse and he was on the bench. his fingers were moving so much, he had his palms facing up the entire time so he didn't grip his knees/the robe (thinking about franc d'ambrosio.......) which is really a shame BUT he's still so good. when julia went to feel his mask up at the end of the number (fuck you new PONR blocking), he kind of threw up his hands from his lap in a "you've gotta be kidding me" gesture or like "really? now?" and it was hilarious. he did something similar and threw his hands up a bit when she unhooded him too. these two moves weren't something he did the second night i saw him, so it was an interesting choice i guess? idk the best way i can describe his PONR is just "feral"

not as devastating a final lair as the next night with ben and emilie, but this final lair was pretty good too. when julia said the "please raoul it's useless" line, she had an emphasis on "useless" and said it like an insult, while looking at ben with a kind of frustration. ben's second "i love you" seemed really hard for him to get out which killed me, and he sobbed into the veil too (just less audibly than the 3/2 show). i could probably jog my memory with more notes about this part but i genuinely can't find the emotional strength to put myself through it again

[sweetdemonbakery]

Dinner Time (sub POV)

Contains: feeding, forced blowjob (top receives), rimming (top receives), facesitting

It's 7:00 PM, I hear a big yawn and prepare myself for what's coming.

"Naps always make me so hungry," I hear from the other room. Good thing I already spent the afternoon making a full course meal for a family of four. Although there would only be one person eating tonight.

I hear the floorboards creaking and wait patiently for my dinner guest to take his seat. Matty makes it to the dinner table and prepares to sit on me. Oh, did I not mention? I'm his seat. Kneeling underneath a large armchair fit to be my master's throne, there's a special slot for me to put my face to fill my role as Matty’s cushion. I first became his cushion because he complained his last chair wasn't comfortable enough. It seems my face was satisfactory though, because I have been here for every meal since.

"Mmm food looks good." Matty scratches his belly in anticipation. No thank you to the one who slaved all afternoon to try and feed his insatiable belly, it's just  expected. A large shadows looms above me, I have just enough time to look up and see two giant cheeks coming towards my face, before I'm forced to suffocate between them. My nose is stuck deep in his hole, it's warm, wet, and musty. I hear Matty's deep breathing and belly gurgling.  "Ah...let's hope this fills me up." His voice is muffled, and I hear the clinking of plates as he grabs his first plate of food and starts gorging himself.

With every slurp and swallow, I feel a bit more weight pressed onto my face as Matty grows bigger. It feels like hours passed, and I'm close to passing out from the lack of oxygen between his cracks, until I'm startled back to consciousness by a long burp. "BWAAAARRRP...oof, that hit the spot." Matty slaps his now full belly and playfully rolls his fat cheeks against my face. "You doing okay back there? Heh."

With a grunt and straining effort, Matty pulls himself forward to stand up, and I'm pulled along with him, still wedged between his cheeks before falling to ground. Coughing and gasping, I look up and allow my vision to adjust to the light after being kept in darkness for so long. The dinner table is trashed with dozens of empty plates all licked clean, I'll have to wash those later while Matty is busy digesting his meal. Scraps of food are littered across the floor, the only sustenance I'm allowed. In the center of it is Matty, holding his rotund gut and smiling contently.

"Alright, time for bed!" he says joyfully. Finally, I'll be allowed to rest. "Thank you, Mat-" Before I can finish responding, I'm crushed to the ground by his weight again. "Silly pony, you didn't think I meant bedtime for you, did you? Your night's only getting started. Come on, you can do it," He points towards the bedroom, "and try to hurry, it's not easy carrying all this food in my gut, I want my bed now." I put all my remaining strength into lifting myself into position to carry my master to the bedroom. My arms and knees are wobbling from all the weight, "Please sir, you're so much heavier than I thought when I agreed to do this." Matty just laughs, "That's not my problem! You're my slave, aren't you? If you don't think you can carry me the entire way, you better try your best until you're crushed under my weight. Now hurry up, pony." He spanks me for extra emphasis.

I start inching forward. The bedroom is only a few steps away but it feels like an eternity. Step by step, I struggle towards the bedroom while Matty moans and rubs his belly.

Finally, I reach the bedroom. Two steps away from the bed, Matty belches again and I lose my balance, collapsing under his weight. Passed out on the floor, I hear him get in bed, "Ah...finally. I swear it takes you longer and longer each night." It's only because you keep getting bigger, I think to myself. Completely exhausted, I decide to just sleep on the floor by Matty's bed...

Not even two seconds after I shut my eyes, I feel myself being pulled up by the collar before I'm dropped down. Forcing my eyes open, I look forward and find myself in front of Matty's groin. "Like I said, your night's only getting started." He chuckles and grabs me by the back of my head, rubbing me up against his balls while he rubs his belly with the other hand.

"I'm about ready to slip into a food coma, but I think you can help me make sure I have a good night's sleep." Too tired to resist, I feel Matty slide his fat cock deep into my throat. "Ohhhh, that's it, take it all." Tears well up in my eyes. This isn't what I wanted. My body is completely limp, I can't even push him off me. "Mmph, you're not resisting at all, what a good sex toy." He's pumping faster now, I'm pushed up against the bottom of his belly again and again, making him gurgle more. "Can't even- urp, see your little face down there, just- oh fuck, my belly, all my belly, growing so- mmph, big." I taste the precum in his mouth and feel him getting close. Suddenly, he flips his fat thigh on top of my head, pushing my head onto the bed and he starts to facefuck me. "You're just- oof...my little- MMPH slave, just mmm UGHHHHHH!" He pushes deep into my throat, torrents of cum streaming down my throat. His breathing slows, until he shifts into a more comfortable position, accidentally wedging me between his ass cheeks again. "Mmm that felt good...oh you still down there? I'll let you out...in a little..." His voice trails off until I hear him fall asleep. I guess it's only right that I'm back to my rightful position as his ass cushion, ready to start it all again when he wakes up.                    

[psychewritesbs]

praying the gay away like...

I recently picked up a client that wanted someone to write the copy for his website and I only applied for the gig because I resonated with his emphasis on spirituality devoid of churchy language.

and, mind you, I am not saying churchy language is bad--and even he explained that while he’s not a fan of it, he respects people who like and use it. I too, resonated with this.

so off I go and start working with him and during our first call I notice a couple of things

- first, yes, he’s a white cis male. but like if you saw me, you would think I could be an Asian-looking white cis female--I’m a privileged beaner, raised in middle class México, I have “light” skin and a US passport, so yes, I am privileged af. Yes, I also look like I am half Asian. I’m not half Asian. so I try not to judge cis books by their cover.

- second, he beat around the bush about sensitive topics a lot, as though he felt he might make me uncomfortable. man... of course the psychologist in me totally wrote up a whole character analysis on him on the spot. the diagnosis: repression as a result of religious upbringing. yes, I also totally couldn’t help but think of Sukuna (the disgraced one) as a metaphor for instincts free from reason. 

- but what struck me the most about him was what he said about one of the chapters in the book he wrote. in one of the chapters he shares a story about a friend who was having doubts about his sexuality and how my client was proud of himself for talking his friend into choosing to be straight and how now he has obtained the ideal of a beautiful idyllic family.

me, a chronically single and horny bisexual working on having no qualms about the full expression of her humanity: ... 🫥

and it just left me with such a weird taste in my mouth because, not only did I understand what it means for people to try to impose their narrow view of the world onto others as what is and isn’t normal, I also couldn’t help but notice that this man very clearly perceives himself as having done the right thing. and perhaps it WAS the right thing to do if his friend did not have the ego strength to accept the truth of who he is.

because like, who am I to say what’s best for that man? obviously, I wish he could just accept himself for who he is (because there’s nothing more liberating than accepting and forgiving yourself) and own the fact that he is attracted to men. but that’s asking for a leap of logic where there is no emotional support for the ego to see itself like that.

in other words, he pushed the gay into his shadow where it’s just going to grow and grow and grow and fester until it takes a life of its own or he gets sick or acts out on his impulses.

and what makes me sad the most is that he deemed his sexuality as something to be ashamed of. so obvs now his ego can’t hold the tension of opposites between the idea that homosexuality is something to be ashamed of, and his image of himself as a person who is righteous and wholesome.

and now I just can’t get over how religious dogma curbs the human spirit and I literally have Jung’s commentary on how religion has failed humans in the back of my mind.

so, no. I won’t be praying the gay away. I am going to do my work and I am going to get paid for a job well done and in conclusion, it is indeed time to go back to school for that masters in clinical psychology... 

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 19, Variant

So. I didn’t realize I hadn’t done one of these for this episode until just now and there’s a reason for that.  

Any episode missing Carol just fails to really grab my attention and I’m much more apt to get bored AF.  Which I basically did with this episode, despite liking most of the players in it.  

I essentially forgot to really pay attention, lol.  

Much like I have for all of the Carol-less episodes this season.  Which, considering how many the dumbasses over at AMC decided to leave her out of this season?  Let’s try to play nice here and simply say there’s been more than a few.  

Okay.  Moving on.  

I get that they have gutted the cast of its *mains* and Eugene is tiptoeing that line by default but I am still struggling to understand why in the world he’s had such a prominent story when they’ve treated Carol like a glorified guest star.  He and Max are sweet in their nerdy way but I could take or leave them.  Basically what I’m saying is I want them to be happy but I don’t care if I see them being happy onscreen or not.  

You know you’re not invested in an episode when you can’t even immerse yourself in the storyline due to trying to figure out why the setting--that place Aaron, Jerry, Lydia, and Elijah take refuge for the night--seems familiar to you.  

Love Lydia.  Love the idea of her being happy with someone.  Wish they would have done more than having her suddenly staying with Maggie so that Elijah’s crush on her doesn’t come 100% out of nowhere.  It’s just come 99% out of nowhere instead.  

Cassady tugging hardcore at my heartstrings as Lydia is half the battle but Ross made Aaron’s regrets about Eric feel genuine and heartfelt in their scene together.  Maybe that’s because we got to see the love they felt for each other onscreen and yeah, maybe it was an insta-romance because it was already established when we met them but that’s different than TWD’s usual formula of time jump pairings a la Rosita/Gabriel, Lydia/Elijah, etc.  

Did they really need Daryl for this episode?  I mean, they could have just as easily had Carol there with Eugene in that church instead.  Had him ask the same questions of her with similar results.  Plus, it would have been a good callback to their scene last season where Eugene was supportive and concerned for Carol.  

Princess is a real one.  I love how she’s dug deep and found her own strength and worth.  Wish she’d give my girl Carol some pointers on the worth thing, though.  

I wanted to love Princess and Mercer.  They certainly had the potential.  But this damn show did what this damn show does.  It skipped right over the good parts, these two falling for each other and their quirks and hang ups, then bam--they were an established couple.  Like I know this show isn’t a soap opera but the reason I, personally, loved the early seasons so much was the emphasis on the characters over the plot and we just don’t have that anymore.  

Just remembered my other reason for not doing this little write up--the so-called variant, “fast” Walkers.  They stupid AF.  Like I know they’re *supposed* to be scary and maybe they would have been had Team Family had real run ins with them in the past.  But their introduction, or “reintroduction” to hear some members of TPTB talk about them, feels like a cheap, jump-the-shark ploy, and I don’t know about any of you lovelies, but I’m embarrassed for everybody involved.  

Forgot to add.  There was something borderline obscene happening just beneath the surface between Lance and Pamela in that jail scene.  They giving off filthy vibes, lol, and I find it fascinating AF.  

Who knew Eugene and Rosita would evolve so much and have such a sweet friendship?  I mean, consider where they started with him playing peeping Tom while she and Abraham had sex.  I certainly never thought I’d ever come to appreciate their scenes together so much. 

Next week’s episode looks so much better already because my babies are actually sharing scenes together.  

Spoiler alert:  It was much, much better.  One of the best episodes of the season, IMHO.  

[canthurryloveandfilm]

Paris, Texas

"Family first!" 

"Blood is thicker than water!" 

"There's no place like home!"

Sayings like these are ones that are heard over and over again, pointing out the importance of making family a priority. As a culture, we seem to be obsessed with the idea of family, stressing the strength of familial bonds and insisting that they should never be broken. We especially love the courtship story, and where I grew up in suburban Pennsylvania, they are some of the first things you hear when you meet a couple. Amazing coincidences, meet-cutes, adorable first date stories: these seem to define a couple, acting as proof to how strong their love is or how they were meant to be together. The Zeitlin article refers to these stories almost as a genre of folklore, uniting groups and cultures through similar stories, motivations, and focuses. There is also a pervasive theme of destiny, simple coincidences and innocuous events being seen as extremely important when looking back. Children and grandchildren are told these narratives, believing that their family's love is special and perfect, unable to be changed.

But, what really is a family? Our obsession with family seems to be centered around the idea of blood, with biological relationships taking precedence over all others. Many people I know have family members they do not like, but keep relationships with simply for the sake of the family. I am guilty of this as well, still talking to aunts and uncles who I disagree with constantly and that frequently upset me with some of their views. I guess our culture has ingrained something in me, as I want to avoid confrontation and put up with the family I don't like so that I don't upset the ones I do like. This focus on blood relations comes through in Paris, Texas, as Travis places an emphasis on the importance of knowing one's biological family. In the film, Travis takes his son, Hunter, away from Walt and Anne, who have been acting as his parents in Travis' absence, and travels to reunite him with his biological mother. The film ends with an embrace Hunter and his biological mother, Jane, finally reunited after years of being separated. Yet, is this truly a happy ending? Sure, mother and son are brought back together, but what makes this the best course of action for Hunter and his future? Walt and Anne have been raising Hunter as their own for four years, clearly showing a deep love for the boy. Although they are Hunter's aunt and uncle, they have become his parents, placing themselves in the roles abandoned by his biological parents. When Travis takes Hunter away from the couple, they are truly devastated at the loss at the child who has become their son. Hunter is also sad after the phone call he makes home, crying at having upset Walt and Anne by leaving. Hunter is torn from a loving couple in favor of a blood connection, but Jane is most likely not fully capable of caring for him on her own. Jane works at a peepshow club, trying to make money to send to Walt and Anne monthly for Hunter. Being a single mother is extremely difficult, and was it worth taking Hunter away from loving parents that could provide for him in favor of salvaging a biological connection between a mother and son. Blood relationships are treated as an obligation, forcing a family connection simply because of genetics. But, a family should should not be restricted simply to those a person is most directly related to through blood. Family should be built on love and connection, whether that include a person's biological parents or simply the people that raised and cared for them. 

The car I drive is getting a bit old, CD players are becoming harder and harder to find when shopping for new ones and the bluetooth system is getting more spotty each time I use it. I can never seem to make myself change the CDs in my car, so I listen to about the same six on a rotation, one of these being Freedy Johnston's This Perfect World.

A relatively sad choice to listen to while driving, the title track of the disc is a somber story about a man returning to his family to get closure after he committed some unnamed, terrible act in the past. When listening to this song, I was reminded of Travis' journey throughout the film, as he tries to reconnect with those he pushed away. Though we as viewers don't know what Travis has done until the very end of the film, Travis' entire story is one of trying to move past his actions. He knows he has done terrible and hurtful things in the past, and is trying his best to right his wrongs and bring his family back together. The song illustrates a similar story, one of guilt of past actions and attempt at making amends. Freedy sings, "Last time I was here I wouldn't turn around," showing the narrator's shame and guilt for what he had done. In the chorus, the narrator says, "I know I never should have gone away. But I still deserve to say goodbye no matter what I've done." As I was listening, this piece of the song evoked the scenes between Travis and Jane in the club. Travis had done horrible and painful things to Jane and his son, before disappearing completely for years. He recognizes the harm he caused, but in these scenes he is looking for closure, for some final end to the hurt he has caused and a chance at making things okay again through the reunion of mother and son. But, his attempt at proving his love is misguided, breaking up others in the process. There are some things that one cannot make amends for, and in doing so, Travis is causing hurt to others in his life, devastating Walt and Anne in order to try to reinstate some kind of everlasting, maternal bond.

[prep4tomoro]

Emergency Planning with Like-Minded Companions:

Far into my teen years, my parents always wanted to meet my friends and either encourage or dissuade the relationship. The decision was mine but, ultimately, I would find that my parents were correct that relationships improve or harm my life. An Emergency Plan should include working together with a trusted group of people to prepare for any emergency. Personal survival relationships should be based on moral and upright principals and character. Don't be a "lone wolf". Build a trusted network of friends. Sometimes we don't have a choice of companions, like immediate family members, but when we have the opportunities to choose, consider these character attributes: CHARACTER, CONDUCT & ATTITUDE OUTWEIGH TALENT: Too much emphasis is placed on talent when trying to explain how people achieve great things. Talent plays a much smaller role in the success someone has compared to their attitude. Friends can become enemies when faced with an environmental disaster or social unrest that increases stress and depletes resources. Build personal survival relationships based on moral and upright principals and character; not their skillset or what they have. People without morals and upright principals will abandon, or turn against, you. As I was preparing this Posting in my mind, I thought about the old-testament biblical account of Gideon and the Midianites (Judges, Chapters 6-8). 300 Israelite soldiers (reduced in number, by God’s instruction, from 32,000) defeated the “Midianites, the Amalekites and all the other eastern peoples who had settled in the valley, thick as locusts. Their camels could no more be counted than the sand on the seashore.” When it was all said and done, those 300 defeated hundreds of thousands. But, of course, God’s intent was for the Israelites to depend on Him versus themselves (strength in numbers . . . NOT!). He did not need 32,000. He did not need 300. He just wanted the best and the best to be focused on the task as a unified team. It was not the quantity but the integrity. THINGS THAT CAN DESTROY A TEAM FROM WITHIN: 1 - Laziness (not staying busy on preparations, planning and security) 2 - Greed / Gluttony (obsession of wanting too much or unnessary stuff) 3 - Envy / Selfishness (every man for himself - wanting what others have, keeping what I have) 4 - Anger (losing control) 5 - Pride (thinking that I have all the answers) 6 - Immorality (lack of, or distorted, conscience [sense of right & wrong]) 7 - Lacking a Sense of Community: Those who do not have a sense of "community" develop anxiety, depression and codependency issues. When people focus on the needs of others (community), they find purpose in their lives. They lose "self" to find "self". (Look up video/podcast: The Mike Slater Show, Is America Losing its Faith?). Careful consideration should be given, as a Team Candidate, to a Person without morals or a sense of "community". Know who your "real friends" are. In every group of relationships, there will be at least one Judas; morally weak, gossip, untrustworthy. 8 - Stupidity. Don't accompany stupid people to stupid places to do stupid things at stupid times. American evangelist, Dwight L. Moody once said, "Character is what you are in the dark". And Bible verse 1 John 3:10 reads, "This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God's child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister." Morals and trust are key attributes of your survival team members. Go slow, be thorough and don't compromise on your selection process. You need to find out what each member is like "in the dark". [Reference Link] Related Resources: Psychology of Survival in a Group Why Join or Start a Survival Group? Organizing a Survival Team Beware of the Trojan Horse Importance of a Buddy System

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