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[ebi-noodle-doodles]

Can I reblog your kofi/commissions post since I can't donate?

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[turning-the-frigging-frogs-gay]

Underneath The Spotlight- A Sanders Sides Fic

Chapter 8- Dreaming of Dancing with You

Read chapter one here!

Read here on ao3!!

Warnings for this chapter: low self esteem, kissing

A/N: this chapter is long because it covers a lot of stuff... now that I think about it I probably should have put this into two separate chapters, but oh well! This’ll probably be the longest chapter in the whole fic, so enjoy! And buckle up, because like I said, a lot of stuff goes down in this one

Also look what I learnt how to do!!

Dance shows were somewhat of a whirlwind of glitter and makeup for Roman. It was hard to find a minute to collect his thoughts in the midst of this hurricane in which he could somehow find a rhythm. It went a little something like this: dance your heart out onstage, get changed at near impossible speed, repeat. That wasn’t to imply, however, that he didn’t love every second of it. To him, dance was far more than just a hobby. It was a passion, a part of him- every time he went up on that stage he felt like his destiny was calling him, and only by going out there, dancing to the very best of his ability and having the time of his goddamn life could he truly fulfil it. He had no doubts about the fact that a career in professional dance was the right path for him. Dance had brought him so many amazing things- priceless memories that would last a lifetime, a medium in which to express himself, a circle of friends for whom he would do just about anything, and... the chance to fall in love with the only other dancer who rivalled his technical precision. Logan Berry, Roman couldn’t think of him without swooning a little. He was head over heels for the stoic boy- Logan’s dancing was perfect on every level, and his personality had a charm that Roman could only describe as irresistible. So many times, Roman had missed his cue or forgotten steps due to being distracted by gazing at Logan. So many times, Roman had been overcome with joy at being partnered with him and looked forward to every ballroom rehearsal for the chance to waltz his adorable nerd around the studio. So many times, Roman had wanted to tell his dance partner how he truly felt, but had become too nervous at the last minute. He’d been practically heartbroken a few hours ago when Logan had confessed all those insecurities to him- how could someone so perfect think so little of himself? But Roman couldn’t afford to let his feelings distract him at a time like this. After enjoying performing the ballroom routine with Logan one last time, he had another dance swiftly afterwards and had to be ready quickly. No room to be thinking about anything else. Dance, change costume, repeat.

After the ballroom number, Logan decided to take a short break and stand outside the dressing room for a while. Waltzing with Roman on the stage, with all the lights and the music and the romantic atmosphere had made him a little emotional. Logan was not an expert in feelings but he did know that he liked Roman a whole lot. He was an amazing dancer, and charismatic enough to sweep anyone off their feet. But, for the past few years, Logan had been lucky enough for it to be him. He doubted Roman could ever feel the same- why would someone as popular and charming as Roman ever like someone as nerdy and awkward as him? He just thanked his lucky stars that he got to experience dancing with Roman, hoped that his fortune would continue, and that they’d be partnered together again, and never expected anything more to happen between them.

Just at that moment, Roman himself came stumbling out of the dressing room corridor, already wearing his next costume... or just about. Logan noticed immediately that his laces were untied. As Roman began descending the small staircase that Logan was at the bottom of, he immediately tripped over his lace and came falling down. Luckily, Logan had unnaturally quick reflexes and was able to run towards the stairs and catch his prince. Roman instinctively wrapped his arms around Logan’s back to support himself, their faces were suddenly extremely close together. Logan felt the heat rise to his as he saw Roman blush as well. He did his best not to cringe at the awkwardness.

“I- I- Ro-“ he stammered, hardly able to form words. He was carrying Roman Kingsley. Perfect, handsome, charming Roman Kingsley was in his arms, staring right into his eyes. Logan, what are you doing, kiss him you idiot! Without even thinking about it, Logan leaned in and kissed Roman on the lips. He pulled back almost immediately, what on Earth had he been thinking?! He placed the other back onto the ground, regret washing over him like a tidal wave.

“Roman, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

Roman placed a hand firmly on Logan’s shoulder.

“Logan. It’s fine. Trust me, it’s absolutely fine. In fact, it’s way more than fine...”

Logan’s breath hitched in shock.

“Wha... you... like me back?” he said, barely audible.

“You like me?!” Roman said, much louder, forgetting to control his volume in his shock.

“Would you keep your voice down?!” Logan hissed.

“Sorry...” Roman said.

“So, let us review,” said Logan. “I like you. A lot.”

“And I like you a lot too,” Roman said, looking down and smiling sheepishly.

“So... do you want to be... you know...”

Roman lovingly placed a finger on Logan’s lip, smiling that wonderful smile of his.

“I do, Logan. I really do.”

This intimate moment between them was abruptly interrupted as the door that led to backstage was flung open to reveal Mr Picani, looking panicked.

“There you are, Roman!” he almost shouted, now looking visibly relieved at the sight of the school’s best dancer. “What have you been doing?! You’re on in like twenty seconds, come on over here!”

“Oh, right!” Roman said, running to take his place in the wings.

Logan sighed fondly. “Tie your shoes before you go on stage!” he shouted after his... boyfriend?

“Thanks, Logan!” Roman shouted back. Logan could barely believe what had just happened, but he still couldn’t stop himself from staring after Roman, grinning like an idiot. Yep, he was the luckiest guy in the whole world...

Logan stayed in the same spot until Roman returned from his dance, unable to wait to talk to him again. He came back towards Logan, smiling brightly.

“How did it go?” Logan asked.

“Brilliant!” Roman said. “I honestly couldn’t stop smiling...” he admitted shyly.

Logan blushed a little as Roman took his arm.

“Shall we go?” he asked.

Logan sighed. “Dork.”

“Nerd.”

“Prep.”

“Oh, come on, you love me.”

“You’re... not exactly wrong there.”

Roman blushed furiously at hearing that for the first time. “I love you too, Logan.”

However, although they might have thought so, the shocking developments of the day were not over for Logan and Roman. As soon as they arrived in the dressing room, they saw Patton perched in Janus’ lap as the latter played with the smaller boy’s hair, both of them already in their ballet costumes. The taller boys’ mouths gaped open in surprise. It seemed they weren’t the only ones to realise their feelings for each other during the show. When they saw the other two enter, Patton and Janus both immediately sprang up.

“It’s not what it looks like!” Janus cried out.

“Ye-yeah! W-we, uh, we w-were j-just!” Patton stammered, desperately looking to Janus for help.

“Umm... I was parting Patton’s hair into position for the ballet dance?” Janus said, giving the best excuse he could think of on the spot.

“That still doesn’t explain why he was in your lap,” Logan deadpanned.

“I... um... we... uh... I...” Patton trailed off, completely at a loss for words. “Janus, I don’t think there’s any getting out of this,” he sighed.

“What? Guys, what’s going on?” Roman asked.

“Alright, alright,” Janus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re right, Pat, I don’t think there’s any way we can lie about this now. So Logan, Roman- here’s the truth. I’ve been in love with Patton for months. I kissed him and confessed my feelings after the ballroom dance earlier.”

Patton walked back towards him, leaning into his boyfriend as Janus put his arm around him. “And I told him I loved him too!” Patton said through his giggles. “Because I do... a whole lot.”

“Oh my gosh, guys, that’s so sweet,” Roman said, overwhelmingly happy and excited for his two friends. “This is just awesome news And, speaking of!” he continued, unable to wait to share his news with his two closest friends. “Logan and I... are actually dating too now!”

“Roman!” Logan spluttered, quickly turning bright red.

“Oh gosh sorry, I didn’t realise we weren’t telling people...” Roman said. “Jeez, I’m so sorry Lo...” he hid his head in his hands.

Logan sighed. “It is... alright, Roman. Although, Janus and Patton, I would appreciate it if we could keep this between us for the time being.”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” Janus assured him.

“Of course. And congratulations, guys!” Patton chirped.

After the conversation subsided, Patton returned to Janus’ lap, and the other two sat down with Logan’s head resting on Roman’s shoulder. It was a good few minutes until someone spoke up again.

“Hey, where are Remus and Virgil?” Roman asked.

“Oh, they went to the foyer to get some snacks before the audience go and buy them all in the interval,” Janus stated.

“If I am correct, we were explicitly told by the teachers that we aren’t allowed to do that,” Logan said.

“Yeah, Remus knows that,” Roman said. “Not that he really cares...”

Patton looked slightly confused. “Shouldn’t they be back by-“

“What the hell is going on here?!” Remus said, as he and Virgil burst through the door of the dressing room, each carrying an armful of snacks.

“As if on cue,” Janus said sarcastically, as neither Patton nor the other two made any attempt to cover up what was going on.

“What the heck did we miss?!” Virgil said.

“Yeah!” said Remus. “We seem to have missed the memo on your random impromptu cuddle party or whatever the hell this is! I’m assuming that’s all that’s going on here...” he looked suspiciously at them.

The two couples looked at each other in silent agreement, knowing that, from now on, if they truly wanted this to be a secret, they’d have to be more careful.

“No... that’s not all that’s going on here,” Logan spoke up. “Roman and I... we’re together now.”

“And so are me and Patton,” said Janus.

“Surprise!” Roman said weakly, while doing jazz hands.

“Jeez, not quite what I expected but I can’t say I’m surprised,” Remus said. “Like Ro, I’ve known about your crush on Lo for ages even though you didn’t tell me. And Patton, how could you not have noticed the way Jan Jan looks at you?”

The four of them blushed furiously. Virgil was still unable to speak as his eyes bulged in shock at the news.

“You ok, Virge?” Patton asked, tilting his head in concern.

“Yeah, I’m good, just a little surprised I guess...”

“Whoa whoa whoa, hold up a second!” Remus interrupted, sounding as if he’d just been struck by a genius idea. “So Pat and Janus are together, and you two nerds are also together... meaning me and Virge are the only two left over...” he finger-gunned towards Virgil, grinning in a way that was half-cunning, half-flirtatious.

Virgil began to laugh nervously.

“Stop right there, garbage man, I can see where this is going, and, let me tell ya, it’s not gonna-“

“Oh, come on, Virge, would it really be that bad?! I... I like you a lot, and if you want to, I’d love to give us a try...” he admitted, not caring that he was in front of everyone although going a little quiet at the end.

Virgil backed away, holding his hands up in defence, his nervous laughter intensifying.

“No, I really don’t think so,” he said, exiting the dressing room and seemingly going for a walk down the corridor.

Remus sank down into a chair, looking deflated.

“We’re sorry, Remus...” Patton said.

“Nah, it’s fine, if he didn’t want to then that’s that. I don’t even know, I suppose I liked him for a while, just never fully realised it until now,” Remus admitted- being completely open and honest about his feelings was one of his strengths.

“Sometimes love works like that,” Roman mused.

Suddenly, Virgil came stomping back into the room, keeping his gaze towards the floor. All eyes were on him as they awaited whatever he was going to say.

“... you know what, fine,” he blurted out, still refusing to meet the eyes of the others. “Remus, I like you a lot too, I got a little overwhelmed just then but I really think I do wanna try dating you, and I’m just telling you all of this now before my anxiety can try to stop me.” He finally worked up the courage to look at Remus, whose face was breaking out into a bright grin.

“Virge, I’m so happy!” he said, letting his anxious now-boyfriend lean into him as he placed his arm around Virgil, once again reassuring him that everything was okay. He sighed and pouted a little.

“Don’t make me regret this, trash man.”

For the next few minutes, before having to get properly ready for the ballet routine, all six of them sat, talked and enjoyed the moment of calm while it lasted. They counted themselves as the luckiest people in the whole world, to have the chance to dance and perform, to have met such amazing friends through what had become so much more than just a hobby, and even to each fall in love with one of their fellow dancers, and realise these feelings in one of the most romantic settings possible- waltzing together on a grand stage. Despite the hundreds of people that had been watching them, Janus and Patton, Roman and Logan, Virgil and Remus- they only had eyes for each other...

A/N: all the ships are finally sailing! Hope it was worth it

Taglist: @sophiexwrites once again thank you so much for reading this and always leaving such sweet comments!

Next chapter

[xlehukax]

Start of Something: The Pieces Fall Into Place (Pt. 3)

-Writing a little series on here as a warm up! In accordance to @orangelegs‘s Hogwarts AU! Updates won’t be on a set time, but they’ll come eventually-

When they finally arrive at the event, Patton and Virgil wink at each other from across the room. Virgil is having his ear talked off by Logan- Patton counts his blessings that no one else has approached them. 

“Hey, Roman, I see Virgil. I’m going to go send him over to say hi, okay?” 

“Alright, my dear friend. Remus appears to be hiding a bar of Frog Spawn Soap behind his back over by the punch, so I will go intercept that-” 

“Alright, bye bye!” Patton eagerly departs his friend in favor of dashing over to Logan and Virgil. They’re chatting about this or that, and Virgil catches Patton’s eyes with a smirk. 

“Hey, Logan, here’s that guy I was talking about. He’d be the perfect co-commentator!” 

And there he is. Logan, the most brilliant Ravenclaw there ever was. Patton waves nervously, an awkward smile adorning his face. A co-commentator? That could work. I could do that. And I would be sitting next to Logan for entire games! Not to mention we’d have to talk outside of class about it. This is bloody fantastic. 

“H-hi there… I’m Patton,” Patton extends a hand to shake. Logan hums, and takes it. 

“Do I know you from somewhere?” 

“Yeah! We sit next to each other in Transfigurations. You’re the smartest person I know,” Patton compliments him shyly, adoring the light blush that adorns Logan’s cheeks.

“I- uh, why thank you, Patton. It’s nice to be appreciated. I had no idea you think of me that way… to be honest, I was sure you were trying to copy me. Everyone else seems to,” Logan seems sad for a moment, then realizes the mission at hand, “I do need a co-commentator with traits such as but not limited to a wide knowledge of Quidditch, charisma, a proficiency in comedy, as well as the ability to conduct… what’s the word… ah yes, banter,” Logan lists off, producing a small notepad from his pocket to make sure he had everything. 

“I can do that! I’ve seen every single game, for the most part… I follow a few of the school players so I like to show my support for them if I can. I think I’m pretty good with jokes too! Do you want to hear a Quidditch pun?” 

Logan nods seriously. Patton feels like he’s sweating under the intense scrutiny, but recalls an easy one he told Roman last week off the top of his head. 

“Hey, did you hear about that new Firebolt broom? They’re practically flying off the shelves!” Patton laughs at his own joke a little, and looks up at Virgil and Logan. Virgil snorts a short little chuckle and Logan breaks into an unsure smile. 

��You’ll be satisfactory. How about you come on… say, Friday’s Gryffindor Friendly? If you show up a little bit earlier I can show you the ropes.” 

“Just me and you?” 

“In all likelihood, yes,” Logan shrugs. Patton nearly dies of excitement. This is more than he could have asked for: now not only does Logan know his name, but he’s getting one-on-one time with him and will be with him for hours on end. And, Logan will actually talk to him instead of ignoring him like usual. Blessings upon blessings. 

Time to fulfill his end of the bargain. Patton glances to Virgil, raising his eyebrows in a way he hopes looks secretive and super-spy like. It’s go time, shadowling. 

Is Patton trying to look cool? Or was he struck with some kind of eyebrow jelly-legs jinx from behind? What is happening? 

Virgil gawks at Patton confusedly, genuinely confused at what he’s trying to convey. Eventually, he sighs and adjusts his glasses. 

“Super great to talk to you, Logan! I need to borrow Virgil for a moment, send me an owl, would you?” Patton smiles brightly. Logan meanwhile, makes a noise of agreement while scratching down notes into his pocket notebook. Patton drags Virgil away, and once they’re out of sight, jumps up and down shrieking in delight. 

“THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Oh my goodness, this is the best! Thank you, Virgil! I owe you one!” 

“Actually, you owe me an introduction,” Virgil deadpans, though unable to hide the small half-smile at Patton’s overexcitement. His eyes widen in realization. 

“Oh yeah! Alright, alright, so I asked him and Roman may have let it slip that he needs some kind of tutor! You know, Quidditch players have to have decent grades or else they can’t go to games. So, are you any good at Potions or Charms?” 

“Heh, those are my best classes,” Virgil thanks whatever led him to being a loner: when you’re alone most of the time you have a lot of time to study and be really good at class. 

“Okay! We can go over there and I’ll introduce you and you can help Roman pass his classes! You don’t have any other commitments do you? He doesn’t like it when people try to rope him into stuff…” Patton bites his lip nervously. Virgil, once again, praises his empty life. 

“Nope. No one really likes me in their groups,” Virgil blows air out of his pursed lips.

“Oh that’s so sad!! Why won’t everyone include you? Rude!” 

“Nah, I don’t really want to join any stupid clubs. I don’t fit in with any groups of people, anyway. I’m not any sort of prankster like Remus, or super intelligent like Logan, or a social butterfly like you, or a Quidditch aficionado like Roman, or anything like that. I’m a loner,” Virgil has accepted this fact. He doesn’t care about any of that stuff: he’s been alone with the exception of Logan for a while now. 

“You’re an artist!” Patton pipes up. Virgil rolls his eyes. 

“I’m not that good. And any self respecting wizard artist uses enchantments to make them move,” 

“You know, Roman will probably let you paint him and do that enchantment stuff if you said you were an artist…” Patton hints slyly. Virgil narrows his eyes. 

“Don’t patronize me.” 

“Fine, fine! Ready to go?” Patton asks, clapping his hands together. Virgil runs a hand through his hair, adjusting it so the purple streaks are more apparent, calming his furiously spinning mind. Here we go. Meeting my crush. A hallmark of school. I can do this. 

“Let’s do this,” 

They’re walking over… they’re a few feet away… 

“Hey there Ro-Ro! I want you to meet my friend Virgil and your new best tutor for Charms!” 

Roman turns, grins… and it’s like all the lights have turned on. This boy, this evanescent star, is looking, really looking at Virgil and it’s like the whole world has been illuminated. 

“Patton! Thank you, you’re an absolute doll. I needed a tutor for Charms! Virgil, let me introduce myself -though I likely need no introduction-, I’m Roman King. It would be the greatest honor for your assistance in Charms,” Roman cocks his head and bloody winks suavely at Virgil. On anyone else, Virgil would deem it annoyingly fake: on Roman, it seems like the most natural thing ever. 

“I- uh, yeah. I watch your games. You’re real good- um… truly an upcoming star-“ Virgil stammers through what is likely the most horrifically embarrassing sentence ever uttered. 

“Aha! So you’re a fan, then? Delightful! Don’t go falling for me now- we have work to do!” Roman laughs boisterously. Patton looks at Virgil nervously, to which Virgil shakes it off. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. If I can just talk to him, for now, maybe things will change later. I certainly have the time. 

“In your dreams, Princey,” Virgil snorts. Patton glances at Virgil, shocked, but Virgil waves him off. Virgil can hide his heart: he’s quite good at hiding. This will be no issue. He’s getting to spend time with Roman anyways… he can swallow his pride. He’ll outlast the other petty girls and boys who gave up after Roman didn’t notice them. Virgil’s more than them. He’s stronger, made of firmer wood than the others. 

“What days work for you for tutoring? If you want, we can do it in the Stands before your practices,” Virgil suggests. Roman’s eyes light up. 

“Yes! That’s absolutely perfect,” he takes Virgil’s hands in his excitedly, and Virgil idly thinks that this might just be the best decision of his life, “Thank you, Virgil. I’m in your debt… how do I repay you?” 

Now, if this was one of those dirty mangas Virgil read once to ‘research the art style’, he’d wink and use some innuendos to tell Roman exactly how he could repay him. But it’s not. And Virgil’s much too nervous to try any kind of move like that. After a speechless moment, he settles on:

“Ah… sure I’ll think of something,” he says lamely. Roman nods sagely. 

“Let me know! Either way, I think I have to go rein in Remus again- he’s attempting to pour belch powder over the entirety of the snack bar. I’ll see you Friday, okay?” 

“Sounds good. You bring all the textbooks that you want to review,” Virgil sighs. Roman shoots him a thumbs up and a smile. 

The second he disappears, Virgil deflates in on himself. Patton pats him on the shoulder. 

“That was… not great,” 

“It’s cool. I’ll sort my own shit out,” Virgil runs a hand through his hair. The consensus he reaches is that any alone time with Roman is positive, and if he never gets to date him it would be sucky but not the worst thing ever. Virgil’s gotten so far: it’s progress. 

“And I’m commentating for Logan on Friday too! I’m so excited I could burst!!” Patton squeals happily, a move that would have once made him cringe and shirk away, but instead prompts a small tug of the lips. 

“Virgil!” Logan calls out to him from the other side of the field. Virgil looks over and waves with a rare smile and looks away. 

What he doesn’t notice, despite being the perceptive person he is, how Logan flushes in the face and carries a mirror smile for the rest of the evening. 

And even more, what no one at the party, not a single soul notices: the new Slytherin seeker watching all with mild amusement… taking in all of the new bonds that form and the relationships that blossom. He can see it all, just as clear as if it were in writing. No one pays him any mind as he chuckles from his spot on the Courtyard pillars. This will be fun to watch… 

“Hey, Dee-Dee, whatcha doing all by your lonesome over here? You want some com-pan-y?” Remus comes out of nowhere, dancing his fingers up his arms. 

“I’m going to have to take a raincheck on that one, love,” Janus sighs, “And frankly, we’ve established that ‘Deceit’ is a cruel and outdated nickname, yes? That’s a remnant of a malicious childhood and even more vicious children,” 

“Yeeeeaaaaah, I knoooooow, but it’s so fun!! Who else can I call Double-D? You know, I gave you that nickname because-”

“Because snakes have two dicks. Yes, I know. You tell me that delicious little tidbit each and every day, Remus,” 

“Well, yeah, maybe, but either way! What are you doing, all here by yourself?” 

“It seems that there are some new developments happening in our favorite little community of friends,” Janus smiles. 

“Like what?” Remus asks, his morbid curiosity piqued, bumping his head against Janus’s. Janus, to his credit, does not balk whatsoever and rather brushes Remus’s hair back comfortably. His fingers go from the front of his scalp to the back: oddly enough, though it appears unkempt, Remus’s hair is actually maintained to a somewhat hygienic standard. Well, as long as Remus’s pet vermin isn’t nesting in it. To pet his hair is a familiar gesture for the both of them- calming Remus’s hyperactivity while helping to hone Janus’s focus. It’s been a hallmark of their relationship since Year One. 

“You’ll see, dearest Remus. You’ll see. Things, I feel, are about to get quite messy,” Janus smiles excitedly, “And we might just have to be the one cleaning up the messes instead of starting them.” 

“Aww, but that’s no fun! What am I going to do with all those Dungbombs? Peeves will be so disappointed,” Remus pouts up at Janus. Remus has always been quite the prankster: constant trips to Zonko’s, teaming up with Peeves for maximum mischief, going even as far as reading Year 5 textbooks to learn new fun spells. Janus has instead been the voice of reason, matching cunning to his pure madness. They balance each other beautifully, keeping each other afloat because no one else will. 

“Don’t worry, my friend. You’ll still get to do all your fun little pranks and more,” Janus chuckles. 

Taglist (Ask to be added if you’d like!):

@justabsbutler @shaded14space @patton-cake

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Also, just a note, I make a lot of references to spells, potions, pranks... I’m not as much a Potterhead as I am infatuated with the world building. It’s all learnable via interwebs, so you might learn something from my extremely specific references. :3 

[hana-bean]

Ayumi Hamasaki Picks:  A Song for ×× era (1998-1999)

I’ll admit, I avoided A Song for ×× like COVID for way, way too long. Her vocals were hard to adapt to if you had only heard her I am... material and beyond. I personally found her voice high and squeaky; seemingly years and miles away from the Ayu I was introduced to at 14 years of age in 2002. There were a few tracks in their remix form I was able to stomach but otherwise, this album was an Ayumi I didn’t care to know. In fact, you’ll notice on most of these tracks I note that I prefer remixes over originals.

Within the last couple of years, I listened to this album in its entirety and ultimately fell in love. I realized now how important this debut is in considering and appreciating where Ayu started. Yes her sound is relatively high-pitched and un-Western, but it’s endearing AF. This album is able to span both sides of various spectrums: fun and sad, innocent and experienced, light-hearted and heartfelt. It exudes such a compelling, youthful perspective of love and heartbreak that I can’t help but empathize with it. Honestly, I don’t think I would feel the same emotions if this album was recorded with a more mature, older voice.

---

Rating system:

☆☆☆☆ Love - play this at my funeral ☆☆☆ Like - skippable, but still good ☆☆ Meh - this does nothing for me ☆ Hate - I’ve only listened to this once just to confirm I hated it (⭒ you might see these little guys pop up from time to time, which represent a half star because I can’t make up my damned mind)

For a couple of tracks I give two different ratings because sometimes a remixed version is better than the original.

---

A Song for ×× album tracks

Track 1: “Prologue” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like It’s a prelude. Not the best or worst, but a good one.

Track 2: “A Song for ××” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love Are you really even an Ayu fan if you don’t like this song? Kidding! But seriously, I think it’s safe to say that this is a very, very important song to Ayumi; if the number of its live performances aren’t an indicator, the drama from even watching one is enough to move you. One of my favorite live performances ever is from her A Museum tour—the a cappella beginning of the first verse and bridge lures you in and forces you to listen, for her only to then blow you away with the booming orchestral intensity of the chorus. GAH! Fuck me up, Ayu!

Her “030213 Session #2 Take” re-recording of it on the A BALLADS compilation album provides a more organic, and arguably more powerful listening experience. Though she is older, you still can hear the strength of her despair. Her loneliness and strong façade hasn’t left, but has only changed and grew up with her.

The “Ferry Corsten Chilled Mix” from her first ayu trance album is also a total vibe. Great remix.

Track 3: “Hana” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like I’d file this one under: “the remixes are better than the original.” I mean the original is still a good listen, but the “dub’s trance remix” and acoustic orchestra version give it more oomph and dimension respectively (both are found on the first ayu-mi-x compilation). The lyrics reflect a fear of the relative unknown, or rather, a fear of growing, only to wilt or get stepped on. And I love how her considerably sad and pensive lyrics are backed with lively arrangements; it’s one of the many things I love about her music.

Track 4: “FRIEND” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love This 👏🏼 song 👏🏼 is 👏🏼 underrated 👏🏼 OMG do I love this song, it’s so fucking wholesome. This track was the one which truly solidified my love for ASf××. Like if this had a music video, I can totally see it popping up on the Disney channel back in the late ‘90s with Ayu dancing at a beach carnival in a pair of Keds or something. Though this song is not devoid of sadness, there is a bit of hope to it, and it’s just simply, super pure. It’s definitely a personal fave. 

Track 5: “FRIEND II” Rating: ☆☆ Meh It’s forgettable... I’m having a hard time trying to remember how it goes. I’m sure if I heard it, I’d be like “Ohhhh yeah!” but my mind is only broken picture links rn.

Okay I’ve listened to it and for some reason I get “Song 4 u” vibes like the very beginning guitar riff sounds like the “S4u” chorus, and even the build to the “FII” chorus is similar, I almost expect “S4u” sung over this. At least she copied herself LOL I mean it’s not a terrible song, but the first FRIEND is the better FRIEND.

Track 6: “poker face” Rating: ☆☆ Meh Yes it’s her first single ev4r so like, it’s all important and shit. But I feel there are better tracks on this album which easily eclipse the song. Though it fits in well with the album as a whole. Perhaps as a single compared to only “FRIEND” it holds its own but honestly, just it being Ayu’s debut song is really the only reason why I even remember it.

Track 7: “Wishing” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like I believe this is the first (and only) slow ballad that pops up on the album, and also believe this was a good foundation laid for the rest of the slow ballads of her career. This song showcases the youth and yearn of her voice very well. Does anyone know if she has even performed this song live?

Track 8: “YOU” Rating: ☆☆ Meh (original); ☆☆☆☆ Love (”Aggressive Mix”) I’ll be real: this original track is boring. Though the “Aggressive Mix” on the first ayu-ro mix album slaps for years and I don’t even really care for Eurobeat. The “FINE MIX” on the ayu-mi-x album is also pretty groovy with that—albeit slow—reggae vibe. I’d argue any remix of this song gives it way more personality and likability. 

Confession time: back when cosplay shows at cons were just like a mishmash of skits planned the day of and walk-ons, I thought about actually doing some kind of one-woman interpretive dance to the “Aggressive Mix.” It never happened so you’re welcome. 

Track 9: “As if...” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like This is just a good bop. I love the fake-out beginning of the slow piano and then: !!!TATOEBA!!!

Also I really appreciate the bass during the verses, like it goes ~BUM BUM~ every four counts and it’s just something nice and subtle which contributes positively to the song.

Track 10: “POWDER SNOW” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like (original); ☆☆☆☆ Love (acoustic orchestra) Three words: acoustic orchestra version. Are y’all seeing the pattern here? But seriously, this song supported by the simplicity of a haunting piano completely changes the mood of this song for the better. I will agree that the original arrangement has a great buildup, but it doesn’t compare to the emotion of the acoustic version.

Also, do any of you fellow old people remember Kazaa? When I was Ayu-curious, I was looking for random songs to download and the acoustic orchestra version of “POWDER SNOW” was one of the first songs I ever downloaded (maybe that plays into my bias). 

Honestly, now that I think about it, it might have been Morpheus at the time...

Track 11: “Trust” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like Also one of the first songs I ever heard from Ayu, so I like it for nostalgic reasons. Otherwise I would have relegated this to the ‘meh’ pile. 

This is one of the first Japanese songs I ever learned to sing, so I gotta give credit to my 14-year-old self.

Track 12: “Depend on you” Rating: ☆⭒ M— (I don’t hate it, but don’t not hate it enough to warrant the full ‘Meh’) This song is overrated :D The only good thing to come from this single is “Two of us.” Next! 

Track 13: SIGNAL Rating: ☆☆⭒ Meh-eh? Well...? It’s a good track, I respect it. Not as memorable as the other songs but it fits well in the album. A good filler song.

Track 14: “from your letter” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like The very beginning with the snaps and twinkly sounds are pretty cool. The song is enjoyable and calls for some shoulder moving at least. There was a remix on AHS a long time ago by sleeperspaceborn which was pretty damned good, and in fact made me like this song. 

Track 15: “For My Dear...” Rating: ☆☆☆⭒ Like Like  Here for the drama and the high notes, shoot it straight into my bloodstream and do not resuscitate. The Acoustic Version is also a great remix, I love how she sounds like she’s screaming over the piano and guitar.

Track 16: “Present” Rating: ☆☆ Meh Like “FRIEND II” I can’t remember this song...

Ah there it is! *proceeds to forget again*

Non-album tracks:

“Two of us” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love I absolutely l-o-v-e this song right down to the cheesy, slow dance prom-y feel to it. Hell, even the “touch of mahogany mix” is one of the best remixes; I dare you not to at least bob your head when you hear it. This song can only be found on the Depend on You single and it’s a damn shame it didn’t make it to the ASf×× album. However maybe this can be considered her first slow ballad... but again, solid foundation. The lyrics are once again so pain-ridden and sorrowful, but then when you hear it against that funky rhythm on the “touch of mahogany mix,” you can’t help but submit to the dissonance of snapping along while in tears.

Also Xelakad provided an ah-mazing remix of this song on AHS a while back too. It seriously turns this song into a spiritual experience.

---

Average era rating: ☆☆☆ Like

If I could describe this album in two words, they would be: cohesive and precious. Yes her lyrics reflect hurt, rejection, and cynicism, but against the pop rock beats and her high voice, the album maintains an element of innocence. I believe it was a strong and consistent debut relative to her discography, as we are introduced to a young and weary Ayu who’s uncertain about the future, of love, of herself... *le sigh*

But let’s tie everything up in a nice pretty bow. For the list of Ayu’s creative bests, the common denominator is how much I really loved the drama and uniqueness of the tracks. Given that Ayu’s music style quickly evolved after this album, we conceivably don’t and won’t hear any songs like these ever again, and that’s why they’re just special.

The ‘Loves’ (only in order of track listing): A Song for ×× FRIEND POWDER SNOW (Acoustic Orchestra) YOU “Aggressive Mix” Two of us

Ayu’s creative bests: A Song for ×× POWDER SNOW (Acoustic Orchestra) For My Dear... Two of us

***

Credits: -Album art from Wikipedia -Concert screenshots from eneabba.net/ayu

Disclaimer: this post is solely my personal view and opinion. I am a Westerner with no fluency in Japanese, and so my viewpoint is shaped from English translations provided by ahsforum.com and all the feels from years of daily listening.

[perspective-series]

Switched Perspective (9)

By: @arc852 and @hiddendreamer67

Warnings: bruises, injuries

(Check the reblog for the links to the previous chapters and the prequel!)

This is a sequel to A Third Perspective! Read that first or you will be confused!

Roman panted, nearly getting lost in the dark again. He used the trick from his first time in the walls and just kept his hand running against the wall. By the time he saw the bedroom light, Roman’s legs were screaming at him to stop moving and just collapse right there on the ground. It took all of Roman’s strength to limp out into the giant room, leaning slightly on the wall for support.

“I’m back.” Roman gave a forced smile, holding up the card he found slightly.

Patton put his own note down, turning back towards Roman. “Great job kiddo!” He took the note from Roman, reading it to himself. Once again becoming confused as to what this could all mean. They were all different, after all. He turned back to Roman, intent on saying as much, but stopped as he took Roman’s stance in.

His mind wandered back to the note he had just gotten. “Roman? Are you okay?”

“Ah, well…” Roman chuckled awkwardly, though it ended in a slight wheeze as he felt the familiar pressure in his chest. “Not particularly, no.”

Patton reached out and scooped Roman up into his cupped hands. He looked closer at Roman, eyes going wide. How had he not seen it before? Roman looked...awful. His leg was at an awkward angle and limp. And his skin was discolored around his upper arms, just barely poking out of his sleeve. Without thinking, Patton lifted up Roman’s shirt, gasping at the amount of bruises on his chest and stomach.

“Roman...What-What happened?” He asked softly, still in shock.

“A...variety of incidents.” Roman phrased it carefully, still not wanting to throw Virgil under the bus completely. He tried not to cry out at Patton’s inspection only aggravated some of the wounds. After all, Patton was just trying to help. “Tripping over some furniture, falling off of some furniture, the usual stuff I suppose.”

Patton let out a little whine in worry. “Oh Ro, I’m so sorry. I should have noticed sooner!” Patton stood up, being extra careful knowing Roman was injured. “We can deal with the notes later, we need to take care of this first.” Patton placed the notes on the desk with the first one.

“Where do you keep your first aid kit?” He asked, looking around the room as if it would pop out at him.

“In the bathroom.” Roman pointed to the doorway. Patton’s worry filled Roman with a small sense of relief; after all, it had been a long time since someone had actively shown care for Roman’s well-being.

“Okay.” He went to the bathroom, setting Roman down on the counter and getting the kit out. He opened it, looking through it. He glanced from Roman to the supplies, thinking. “Alright, um, we should probably wrap up your chest...do we need this gel? Would this help?” Patton asked, holding it up for Roman to see.

“I’m not actually sure.” Roman admitted. “I’ve never dealt with injuries like this before. Grab my phone, we can look up the proper treatment.”

“Okay.” Patton ran into the bedroom, looking around until he spotted Roman’s phone on his nightstand. He grabbed it and ran back to the bathroom. He placed the phone in front of Roman, not knowing how to work it. “Here you go.”

Roman began to type in his password and navigate to google. It was slow going, especially because Roman couldn’t lay on the counter’s surface without his bruised ribs flaring up. After finally finding the results on how to heal both bruised ribs and a sprained ankle, Roman was glad he was still alive. Most of the activities listed under ‘DO NOT’ he had been doing all day. This included things like straining yourself or doing any exercise that makes the pain worse. Whoops.

Fortunately, google also gave him some helpful solutions to help alleviate the pain.

“Alright, it looks like the main thing we need is ice.” Roman looked up from the phone screen.

“Ice, gotcha.” Patton went to the kitchen, trying to remember what Logan had done the day before for him. Patton opened the freezer, noticing the familiar ice pack Logan had used on him. He grabbed it and a small towel and ran back to the bathroom.

“Here we go!” Patton wrapped the ice pack in a towel and placed it behind Roman. “This was the same one I used yesterday to help my bruises.”

“Your bruises?” Roman repeated, currently trying to tug the ice pack so that it would lay on top of him. The internet had suggested putting it on top of his chest to numb the pain and lessen the swelling, which made sense why Roman’s chest had felt so tight. Ever since the incident he must have been swelling like a balloon.

Patton blinked, realizing what he had said, before looking down. “Um, yeah...most of it was from when you bumped into Logan. I took a pretty nasty fall, but...some of it was from...you, picking me up and stuff.” Patton revealed, rubbing the back of his neck. But he tried to force out a grin.

“But-But it’s okay now! You can’t hurt me like this!”

Roman blinked, holding the corner of the ice pack to his chest. Of course Patton would have bruises, too. Virgil had shown his earlier. It wasn’t like Roman was truly any better than Logan. In fact, if Roman wasn’t so small Patton would still hate him. Did that mean when everything went back to normal, Patton would still leave?

“Patton…” Roman’s voice cracked slightly. Even though the ice felt soothing on his aching muscles, this guilty feeling made the tightness in his chest stay. “Patton, I am so sorry. For everything. I never meant to hurt you and I certainly never want to hurt you again.”

Patton paused, frowning. “I…” Tears started forming in his eyes as he suddenly thought back to his time with Roman before. He started to shake as he quickly wiped his tears away. “I don’t...I don’t want to think about that right now.” Patton shook his head, more to clear his thoughts.

“Everything is fine right now and that’s all that matters, right?” Patton smiled, but it was still off.

Roman wasn’t so sure. After all, it would be best if they talked about this. He didn’t want Patton to feel threatened when Roman was back to being a human. But he didn’t want to drive Patton away now either, so he kept his lips sealed about the past.

“Patton,” Roman asked softly, instead focusing on the present, “are we friends?”

“O-Of course Roman! You’re too cute like this for us not to be!” Patton said, his smile was a bit more real now, but still held some force to it.

Roman nodded, but his heart wasn't in it. He shifted under the ice pack to make sure both his ribs and his leg were getting numbed.

“But are we still going to be friends?” Roman pressed on, letting his anxious feelings show.

“W-What do you mean?” Patton asked, confused but also having some idea.

“I mean, when- if - things ever go back to… the way they used to be.” Roman gestured to the two of them. “When we’re our respective normal sizes again.”

Patton stared off to the side again. “I...I really do want to say yes but I…” The memories came rushing back and Patton started shaking all over again. Patton let out a shaky breath. “Like this, I can picture you as different people...human Roman and borrower Roman. It makes it easier to push away the memories of human Roman with you small like this.” Patton sighed.

“You seem really fun Roman, you do. I feel like we would be great friends, either way, but...I-I’m scared Roman…”

“...you’re scary, too.” Roman muttered, almost not loud enough for the human to hear.

Patton completely froze at that. “W-What?”

“I mean, not all the time.” Roman retracted his statement slightly, not wanting to offend Patton after they had come so far. Patton had even called him a friend; so why was Roman so insistent on pushing Patton’s buttons?

“It’s just, well…” Roman sighed, deciding to come clean. “Maybe not all these bruises are from falling off the coffee table, alright? You’re really grabby, and a lot of the times you’re not very careful, but I didn’t want to say anything because I was just so glad that you actually liked me for once that I didn’t want to drive you away.”

Patton blinked. “...O-Oh…” He looked down at his hands, his human-sized hands. Had he really been so bad? Thinking back on it...yeah, he had. He hadn’t been thinking, honestly, he had just...done it.

Was it true? Had he really acted almost exactly like how Roman had first acted? “I never wanted to...I mean-I…”

“No, I know you didn’t, Pat!” Roman was quick to try and reassure the human. “Of course you wouldn’t try to hurt me, you’re far too nice. You’re like a cotton candy cloud of kindness. That’s what made it even harder to say anything, because I didn’t want you to feel bad about it, either. I mean, accidents happen. I know I screwed up and didn’t notice.” Roman gave an unprincely snort. “I figured this was a good way for karma to get me back.”

“What? No! You don’t-you don’t deserve this. No one does!” Patton wiped the rest of his tears away. “I never would wish that what happened to me would happen to you. You may have...messed up and...really scared me, but you still didn’t deserve any of this.” Patton looked down again.

“I’m sorry I made you feel this way and hurt you...I should have been more careful and paid more attention…” Patton was starting to understand why Roman had acted how he did. Being a human, in the presence of someone so much smaller, was hard.

“Patton, it’s alright.” Roman shifted the ice pack. “I forgive you. Although, ah, moving forward your more careful actions would be most appreciated.” Roman looked a bit sheepish. “I never realized how every little human thing can affect a guy when he’s this tall.”

“Yeah...that’s why I should have been more careful. Even a ‘gentle’ poke can be enough to leave a bruise.” Patton sighed. “I’ll be better, I promise.” He paused for a moment, thinking.

“And if-no-when we turn back to normal, and I know we will, I’d...like to give our friendship a chance. If you want, of course. You might have to be patient with me though...because I’m still gonna be scared…”

“Patton, I swear on this ice pack that I will be the most patient human you have ever seen.” Roman placed his palm on the ice to make it official, eyes crinkling with excitement as he gazed up at Patton. “I understand now the amount of trust that will take, and I promise you’re putting it in the right person. Because that’s what friends are for.”

Patton grinned, a real grin. “I know.” He said, referring to Roman’s second to last statement. Patton clapped, feeling refreshed after their talk. “Now! Let's finish patching you up and then get back to Virgil, Logan, and Thomas!”