#i tried writing down all the music i listened to this year and starred new songs/albums but i gave up after a few months.

[misterradio]

spotify wrapped is happening so im sending out my psychic waves of comfort and peace to anyone else who experiences FOMO at not having a spotify

[wroteclassicaly]

Eddie Munson loves the way that you pick at the chipping polish on your nails until it’s dangling from the cuticle. Enjoys how you only shave the bottom half of your legs but let the top grow out. Oh god, and when you chew and bite your straw to an unusable puncture, leaving lipgloss all over. The times at lunch where you’ll find him to ask, “Can I play with your hair?” You aren’t in Hellfire Club, but the group has taken to adopting you as a seat mate.

Well… you had simply settled down there before Eddie’s group approached. He’d leaned in to inform you that this was a private table. To which, you shrugged and asked who usually sat where, following suit with finding your own space - which just happened to be right beside the dungeon master himself. You’d put on your headphones, took out your spiral, and began writing, everyone free to converse as you let yourself get lost amongst new company.

Soon… things changed. It went from, “What’s she doing here?” To “What are you listening to today?”

Eddie often lets his thoughts scatter from campaigns conversations, the band’s music — all because he ends up watching you get lost to yours. Ink pen tapping, eyes fluttered closed. Every single bit of cafeteria commotion ceases to exist, footsteps echoing, Eddie’s heart thrumming in his ears (fucking tinnitus).

Vibrating your way into everyone’s affections, Eddie remains awe struck & jaw slacked that you can’t see how easy it is to connect with you, to feel like everything is okay when you’re around, how there’s not one single person on planet earth and beyond that is like you. You wear what you want, model a personal style that belongs to you, have prepared more comebacks than he’s seen in his twenty years of life (that would shrivel any man’s ballsack and make all the other girls envious). It’s how you tried to make red, white, and black knit scarves to match their shirts for Christmas, and it ended with balls of fabric, your bloody thumbs, and Eddie helping you fix each one with a gentle hand (because everyone has to have something, Eddie). How can he forget that you’re not a baker, but your boxed brownies are Eddie’s favorite, especially when you wrap them in Christmas paper, serving hot chocolate to go along, making your way around the table to plop marshmallows in each styrofoam cup, that way no one is forgotten.

“Something for you and the group to have during tonight’s campaign. Oh! And my mom actually taught me how to make the hot chocolate in a crockpot, so…”

Eddie Munson has tried convincing himself that you’re just another sheep to protect. His stomach isn’t fluttering like a hoard of bats are shredding his insides, his knees aren’t growing weak everytime you smile, his breath isn’t getting caught on the wall of his chest on days that your full figure wears a skirt or a dress to accentuate features you love to possess, but can’t see their beauty with your eyes. He’s seen you in the morning, in the sun, in the rain, in the dark, and now, as it’s snowing outside the walls of this school. You’ll get up to retrieve something in the lunch line and Eddie will peer into your notebook, ringed finger scanning the lined page of your latest short story.

A guy and a girl, one small town, looking at the simplicity of various Christmas lights. It’s traditional, differing from what you usually let him read. You’re a sheep, lost from your flock in the manger. An angel so soft that feathers have nothing on you. A fucking Christmas star, shining so bright it burns the entire town to the ground.

By the time you’re carrying a bowl of cheese fries back to the table with two forks, Eddie has already picked you up in his van, a thermos full of his mom’s famous hot cocoa recipe. Eddie loves the way that you - oh… fuck… he loves you.

Merry Christmas…

[elizaleclerc]

Hello, I love your writing, can I request Charles Leclerc x singer!reader where they already knew each other back when they were teenagers but the reader moves to LA to pursue her career so they kinda feel off cuz of the long distance, so years later Charles decides to surprise her at one of her concerts and tries to shoot his shoot after all those years they end up together and it's all fluffy and cute.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense english is not my first language, thank you <3

love this!!! tysm <3

birds of a feather ✿

charles leclerc x reader

summary: fem singer!reader reignites an old teenage love with famous driver charles leclerc

songs: birds of a feather by b.eilish, the 1 by t.swift

author’s note: mostly cute and fluffy but had to add a bit of angst oops! inspo from billie’s new album obv bc that’s all i’m listening to rn. also some google translate involved so oops again if it’s wrong :)

word count: 4k

In the luxurious city of Monaco, you and Charles were cruising along the winding roads late at night, a favored pastime for the two of you. The cool breeze tousled your hair as the windows were rolled down, filling the car with the scent of saltwater and adventure. You stole a glance at Charles in the driver's seat, his face adorned with that familiar boyish grin, his eyes sparkling just as they did on the day you met him.

The car zoomed down the winding road, its expensive engine purring like a contented cat. Despite its luxurious interior, Charles had no qualms about letting you put your feet up on the dash. The scarlet sky painted with streaks of orange and pink was the perfect backdrop for this drive at sunset.

One thing different about this drive at sunset was that one of your own songs was playing on the radio. At only 19 years old, your song “Birds of a Feather” was reaching the top of the charts worldwide. At any chance he got, Charles would blast it at full volume whenever the two of you were together. It only made sense considering the song was about him.

You and Charles had been inseparable since childhood, a bond that felt unbreakable and essential to your very existence. Over the years, you both had your fair share of romantic partners, but it seemed like none of them could compare to the connection you shared. Despite any ups and downs in your own love lives, you and Charles always found your way back to each other, like two ships anchored together in the stormy sea of life.

Of course, there were fleeting moments when you wondered if there could be something more between you and Charles. The thought would cross your mind as his hand brushed yours or when he made you laugh until your sides ached. But those thoughts remained just that - fleeting and unspoken. You both cherished your friendship too much to risk changing its dynamic.

But deep down, underneath layers of familiarity and comfort, there was a quiet longing that neither of you acknowledged. A shared understanding that there was something more between you than just being best friends. And although it was left unsaid, it was an unspoken truth that added a layer of depth to your friendship.

The bass of the song throbbed through the car, drowning out Charles' words as he spoke to you. You strained to hear him over the music, but all you could see were his lips moving in time with the beat. "What?!" you shouted comically with a grin, and he reached for the volume knob to turn it down.

"I said, it's only a matter of time before you're touring worldwide," he repeated with a small smile. You shook your head in amusement. Charles always had grand visions for your music career, dreaming of reaching the stars and achieving the highest goals even when you couldn't imagine them yourself.

“You’re only saying that to be nice,” you playfully bantered with him, knowing deep down he truly believed in your talent.

A wistful smile crossed his face as he replied, “I’m serious. Before you know it, you’ll be in L.A., living your dream and making music for the world.” His words had a bittersweet edge to them, causing your own smile to falter. There was truth in his statement - Charles had just signed with Ferrari and would soon be the busiest he's ever been in his career as a Formula One driver. You were endlessly proud of him and all that he had accomplished. It feels like just yesterday when you both were just kids with big dreams, but now here you are, actually making strides towards achieving those dreams. Even with a hit song on the radio and promising opportunities ahead, you still felt like you were ages behind in becoming someone big in the music industry. And the thought of possibly leaving your best friend behind as you pursued your dreams weighed heavily on your heart.

He noticed the solemn expression on your face, his eyes full of understanding and affection. "Ah, come on," he said gently, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. "You know I mean that in a good way." His voice was warm and sincere."L.A. is a hotbed for the music industry right now," he continued, his excitement palpable. "And haven't you always talked about wanting to go to the States?"

You nodded slowly, unable to contain a small smile at the thought. "Yeah, but...I can't even imagine us being apart for so long," you admitted with a hint of sadness. "We've never been separated for more than a week. And even then, you were blowing up my phone every day." You couldn't help but laugh at the memory.

His own laughter rang out, contagious and genuine. "So now you know that when you're in the U.S., you won't have to worry about us not talking," he reassured you. "Clearly, I can't get enough of you." His words made your heart swell with love and comfort. Despite any ridiculous or anxious thoughts that may cross your mind, you were always reminded that the bond between you two could stretch thousands of miles.

About a week later, you had hired a manager with the help of your parents and were looking at record labels to sign with. Your social media pages were blowing up with new fans anticipating and begging for new music. It was a rightful step for a singer who had just had a song blow up, to make more music.

After many phone calls and contracts, you decided on the best deal to sign with the record label you had always wanted. With a location in Los Angeles, Sony Music Entertainment was your new employer. 

As the days passed, the familiar childhood bedroom in Monaco slowly transformed into a maze of boxes and packing materials. The bittersweet scent of nostalgia clung to the air as you said goodbye to the people and places that had shaped you. It was early February, just before the newest Formula One season started, but Charles seemed to be swallowed up by his work, juggling the responsibilities of being their rookie driver. In those fleeting moments between racing events, he squeezed in time for you, knowing that soon you would both be consumed by your separate paths. On the last night together, you took a nostalgic drive around town, savoring every street corner and landmark. As the sun dipped below the horizon, you returned to your house - now empty and cold without all of your belongings. The silence hung heavy in the air as you sat side by side, cherishing these final moments together.

You both sat on your bed as you rested your head on his shoulder and asked, “How did this even happen?” 

“Your talent will always drive you towards success, how could it not happen?” He replied and it made your eyes water. You weren’t sure how you were going to adjust with your time apart. You’ll miss his advice and little jokes. You’ll miss your late night drives around Monaco with him, taking in the cool air.

As he turned to face you, his piercing eyes caught the glistening trails of tears streaming down your cheeks. His own expression shifted from concern to sadness as he took in the sight of your heartbroken state. With a heavy sigh, he reached out to gently wipe away a stray tear from your cheek and murmured, "Please don't cry." Your eyes met his with a solemn understanding, but your bottom lip began to quiver despite your efforts.

You couldn't help but notice the glimmer of tears in his own eyes, which only made your own tears flow even more freely. Together, you both sat on the edge of your bed, gripping each other's hands tightly as you cried until it became almost comical at just how much emotion was pouring out of both of you. In between sobs, he managed to let out a small laugh and said, "It's not even an actual goodbye, I'll see you again soon.”

You couldn't help but laugh along with him through your tears. "I know," you replied with a watery smile. "I'll see you before I know it.”

But as the night wore on and the hour grew late, the reality of tomorrow morning's early flight to L.A. began to sink in. Despite wanting to hold onto this moment for as long as possible, you both knew it was time to say goodbye. You stood up and shared one final embrace, his arms enveloping you in a tight hug while yours rested around his neck. The warmth of his body and the familiar scent of his cologne brought a sense of comfort amidst the pain of parting ways.

“Tu vas me manquer mon amour,” he whispered by your ear, which made you squeeze him tighter. 

“Tu vas me manquer davantage, Char.” You replied with a raspy voice, your cheeks still wet with tears. He blew you a kiss before walking out the door.

~ 5 years later ~

The electric energy of Los Angeles, California pulsed through the air as you walked towards the venue on the opening night of your highly anticipated second tour. Fresh off the massive success of your second album, fans from all over the world were eagerly awaiting your performance tonight. You could already hear their screams and see their signs, some bearing your name since the very beginning of your career. Your first tour had been small, just a few cities in the U.S., but now with your skyrocketing fame, this tour would take you to stages across the globe. The thought of performing for thousands of people in different countries sent a thrill through your veins. As you approached the entrance, excitement and nerves intertwined within you, ready to take on this new chapter in your music career.

As you nervously waited backstage, dressed in a stunning white gown for your highly anticipated opening night in Los Angeles, your mind couldn't help but wander to a familiar name: Charles. The two of you had been inseparable during your first year in L.A., constantly talking and supporting each other's dreams. But as time went on, his calls and texts became less frequent until they eventually stopped altogether. You found yourself relying on social media to keep up with him and were happy to see that he had found success with Ferrari, but also couldn't shake the feeling of hurt and confusion as to why he had suddenly disappeared from your life. You debated reaching out to congratulate him on his wins, but deep down, you knew it wouldn't make a difference.

The next years after that became hard, and you struggled to make genuine connections with anyone in the industry. You found that often other artists wanted to use you for their fame or publicity. But you had found one genuine person, your boyfriend. The two of you dated for two years, but two weeks before the opening night of your world tour, he broke things off. You were devastated, as he had become someone you loved dearly and could trust with your whole being. His reason was that he realized he couldn’t handle your level of fame and that it was becoming too much for him to handle. 

So here you were, backstage, reminiscing on your career up until this point. Your mind ran over the setlist a thousand times. “Birds of a Feather” hadn’t made the cut for this tour, and you stopped performing it all together once Charles had stopped communicating with you. You weren’t sure why he was on your mind so much for your opening night. 

As you stepped out onto the stage, a wave of excited nerves washed over you. But with each step and movement, your confidence grew until it radiated off of you like a second skin. The bright lights illuminated your white dress, making it glow against the dark backdrop. You knew this dress well, having spent hours upon hours rehearsing in it, mastering every twirl and flick of the sleeves. And now, as you sang and danced flawlessly, you felt like a true star. Every note was hit perfectly, every movement graceful and deliberate. It was as if you were born to be on that stage, commanding the attention of everyone in the audience. The familiar click of a metronome and the muffled directions from backstage played in your in-ears, guiding you through the performance like a well-oiled machine. You had become a masterful performer, honing your craft to perfection.

You wished you could remember every moment of this night as you went through the setlist. You performed “the 1”, a song from your most recent album. Fans speculated it was about the recent split with your boyfriend, but really in your mind you knew it was about Charles. Your fans mostly were unaware of Charles and the old friendship the two of you had. He rarely talked about you in the media, and you were never asked about him, even though the two of you were individually growing more famous by the day.

As the final song ended, you returned backstage, the sweat dripping down your face and your body heaving with exhaustion. This tour was more physically demanding than your last one, with intricate dance routines and high-energy performances. But it was all worth it as you heard the crowd's roar of approval after each song and saw their hands in the air, singing along to every lyric. The adrenaline rush and satisfaction of a flawless opening night kept you going despite the fatigue setting in.

You got a flood of compliments from your team and the crew backstage as you felt the dewy feeling of sweat on your forehead cool down. Your manager came up to and wrapped you in a big hug, congratulating you and updating you on the next steps for the tour.

“I know you don’t typically meet people after shows, but there’s actually a visitor here for you. He was pretty persistent.” She told you as you stood outside your dressing room. 

“Who is it?” You asked tiredly, not wishing for long interactions with people after the show. You were worn out, and typically napped or slept through the night after a long show. 

“He said his name is Charles Leclerc. Went on about how you guys were childhood friends. He showed his ID and credentials so we allowed it.” Your manager explained everything and as she was speaking your face became flushed. Charles was here, in L.A? And your management had allowed him to meet with you. You were partly in shock and partly frustrated with how easily he was able to persuade your team.

“Well…where is he?” You asked, and your manager pointed to your dressing room door. “He’s in my dressing room?” You questioned in a surprised voice, lowering your voice in case he could hear you.  

“We weren’t sure where else he could’ve waited. He made it seem like he needed to have a serious talk with you.” She explained further and you put your head in your hands. You couldn’t believe the words that had come out of her mouth, and thought that maybe she was joking. You thought that you’d open up your dressing room door and it would be empty, earning a loud laugh from her and a “Got you!”

As you slowly opened your door, still clad in your flowing white dress, your heart caught in your throat as you saw Charles sitting on the plush brown leather couch. The air was thick with surprise and a tinge of nervousness, evidenced by Charles' fidgeting hands rubbing against his pants. You could barely breathe as you managed to utter a breathless greeting, "Hi."

He stood up abruptly, his body language tense and unsure. “Hi,” he replied.

The silence hung between you like a heavy curtain as you asked, "What...um...what are you doing here?" Your fingers instinctively ran through your slightly tangled hair as you waited for his response, feeling both overwhelmed and curious about this unexpected visit.

As he stood before you, he seemed to struggle with his words, his voice catching and pausing as if trying to contain an overwhelming emotion. You gazed at him in awe, taking in every detail of his changed appearance. The dimple in his cheek still deepened when he spoke, the same crystal eyes sparkled with unreadable emotions. But now his shoulders were broader, defined muscles rippling beneath his shirt, and his neck had thickened with strength. It was clear that time had passed, but it had only enhanced his features instead of diminishing them. "I," he finally managed to say, his gaze never leaving yours, "I came here to apologize." You couldn't believe he was standing in front of you after so long. And in this moment, all you could think about was how much you missed him and how different things could have been if he had stayed.

“Apologize?” You repeated, awaiting further clarification. 

“I’ve missed you terribly.” He began to pour out, finally getting a grip on his words, “Every day we haven’t been together has haunted me. You’ve plagued my dreams, my every waking thought.” He took a swallow, “I see you online, doing amazing things, and I just feel this guilt that I’m not there with you.”

You could hardly believe the words he was saying. You felt the same, you missed him every morning you woke and every night you went to sleep. Yet you felt a tinge of resentment. He could have been there, he could have responded to your dozens of calls and texts. 

“I’m sorry, mon chérie.” He finished his speech.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion and your eyes watered with emotion, your face contorted with hurt. Your voice came out breathless as you spoke, "Char, why didn't you call?" Your heart ached with longing and you couldn't understand why he hadn't taken action to bridge the distance between you. The unspoken desire between you was almost tangible, making the current situation even more painful for both of you.

“My ex-girlfriend, once we got together she saw how often we communicated and told me that I couldn’t talk to you anymore. And I thought I loved her so much that I was willing to do whatever it took. But…it turns out…” He paused, looking you in the eyes. 

“What?” You questioned, waiting for him to spit it out. 

“It turns out as the years went on, that I just loved you.” He said as he stepped closer. 

“You don’t mean that,” You denied shaking your head, a single tear running down your cheek. 

“But I do,” he grabbed your hand, “I think I’ve always loved you.”

You broke out into a grin while tears still fell, and wrapped your arms around him, burying your head into his chest. “What took you so long?” 

“I’m sorry mon amour, I guess I was just too stupid to actually do anything. But I love you, I love you so much.” His arms wrapped around your waist, kissing the top of your head. 

You pulled back and placed your hands on his face, admiring his mature features. He took his thumbs to wipe off the tears on your face. “I love you too,” You told him and he grinned. “Will you finally kiss me?” 

His lips met yours in a gentle, yet passionate, kiss. As your heart raced and butterflies fluttered in your stomach, you couldn't help but smile as his lips moved against yours. It was your first kiss with the love of your life, a moment that you would never forget.

You had always known deep down that he was the one for you, but you had spent so long convincing yourself that a friendship was all it could ever be. But now, as you felt the warmth of his embrace and the intensity of his kiss, you realized that the love of your life could also be your best friend - the person who knows and understands you better than anyone else in the world. And in that moment, you were grateful for every step that had led you to this perfect moment with him.

Charles had to return to his Formula One season, but the two of you called every day. He made it to shows on your tour when he could, and when you traveled to France to play your home show, he was there for every minute of it. 

The crowd knew that this show was special, and fans had picked up on the new romance between you and Charles. Everyone was loving it, and older fans finally put the pieces together on the connection the two of you had. So for your home show, you played “Birds of a Feather” for everyone as a surprise, with Charles in attendance. The song had only changed meaning slightly, as you sang it with more love towards him than you’ve ever had before. Headlines were soon filled with your name along with his.

As the next year rolled around and January came, the two of you were inseparable at award shows, him proudly by your side for every one of your achievements. His smile lit up the room and his hand always found yours in the sea of people. Even when you won your first Grammy, he was there in all of your acceptance speeches, his eyes sparkling with pride.

As the year went on and you took a break from touring, you joined him on the road during his racing season. The roar of engines and smell of burning rubber filled your senses as you watched him race with skill and determination. The paddock quickly became like a second home to you, with fans flocking to meet the both of you. The Ferrari team welcomed you with open arms, treating you like family. It was a dream come true to be able to share this passion with him, and you couldn't imagine a better way to spend your time off.

Charles never dulled your shine; in fact, he basked in its radiance. He was not intimidated by your fame, but rather, he reveled in it. As you both shared stories about past relationships, Charles' understanding became apparent. He may have been known for different reasons, but he knew the highs and lows that came with celebrity status. Together, you formed an unbreakable bond of understanding and support. Life had become akin to heaven with Charles by your side, a constant source of love and grounding amidst the chaos of fame.

Together, you moved into a luxurious apartment in the heart of Monaco. The spacious living room had been transformed into your personal music studio, with instruments and recording equipment scattered about in organized chaos. The walls were adorned with posters from your past tours and handwritten lyrics. Charles stood by the window, looking out at the stunning view of the city below, while you strummed your guitar on the plush couch. The sense of security and stability he brought to your life was palpable - his presence assuring you that he would always be there, no matter where your music took you. As you played him your latest compositions, his fingers effortlessly danced across the keys of the piano, adding depth and richness to the melodies. Together, you created magic in that space - harmonizing not just in music but also in life.

As you laid in bed one night, your head rested on the pillow turned towards him, you caught him staring at you. You grinned, “What?” 

“Nothing, I’ve just never seen someone more beautiful before in my life.” He told you in a low voice, smirking at you. You rolled your eyes playfully, knowing you should’ve expected him to shower you with compliments. 

You placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, “Je t’aime chéri.” 

You both settled into bed, cuddled up next to each other. He kissed your temple, “Je t’aimerai toujours plus.”     

[berryhobii]

Reconnect (myg x reader)

Pairing: Idol!Min Yoongi x black!wedding designer!female! Reader

Word Count: 6K+

Warnings: fluff, established relationship, mentions of secret relationship, mentions of a wedding(but not Yoongi and the reader’s), reader and Yoongi are engaged, Smut(18+ but I don’t control what you consume), unprotected sex(please speak to your partners before engaging in this), vaginal sex, squirting, creampies, riding, doggy style, mating press/missionary, oral(f receiving), soft dom Yoongi(he’s super soft and vocal but also goes kind of rough😊), rough sex, multiple orgasms(f and m receiving), brief aftercare and mentions of amazing aftercare, reader has goddess locs(color and length not specified), reader also has that Wendy’s Strawberry Lemonade kitty, reader also also has nipple piercings, reader got a fat ass because who doesn’t appreciate a nice booty?

A/N: Hi! This is my second time uploading something. I’ve had this story in my drafts for a while. I had been writing it using she/her pronouns so I’ve been spending the past few days to change those to you/yours. If I missed any, I’m sorry but please let me know so I can make the story more cohesive. Reader is black but their skin color isn’t really described but I believe I referred to their nipples being dark so that’s it. My next post with either be a GreekMythology!Jimin or a Gamer!Jungkook. The Jimin story is actually really long so I think I’ll turn it into a small series but I’ll post the 1st chapter sometime next week. Thanks again for reading! Criticism is greatly accepted and I hope my black and melanated girlies feel good reading this! Have a good day.

~

“I’m sorry, baby. I know I said we’d have dinner but we have to do some last minute recording.”

You tried not to sound disappointed when you replied. “That’s okay. I understand.” And you truly did. You knew how important his job was and that it would be a priority of his.

You just wished that it didn’t take so much of his time. You understood that his music was his life and that it was his dream career. All of his hard work had led up to being able to do what he does now; to make music and inspire the millions of fans that listened. You were so proud of him. Seeing him live his dream filled you with a different kind of pride and emotion. He was happy and that’s all you ever wanted for him.

Still, you missed him. You two had barely spent any time together the past month while he’s been preparing for their new album. He’d come home long after you’d fallen asleep and he’d sleep into the afternoon, just to rise and immediately get ready to go again. You couldn’t even have breakfast together like you used to. You could barely even start a conversation before he was cutting you off with a kiss and rushing out of the door.

While you had your own career of designing wedding dresses, you still had so much free time on your hands. You had already designed your newest collection and it was currently in production to be created. You’ve even made multiple visits to a few stores and they were running amazingly. There was only so long you could bury yourself in work before your heart began yearning for Yoongi’s companionship.

“I promise when this is finished, we’ll go on a trip. Just you and me.”

That made you smile. You and Yoongi have traveled a lot together over the years; Bora Bora, Italy, The Maldives—and each experience had been just as memorable and romantic as the last. He proposed to you in Italy at the Orange Gardens. It was such a magical moment. Just thinking about it made you want to cry. The entire trip was just absolutely perfect; from taking a gondola ride on the gorgeous waters to the 5 Star hotel they stayed in for 3 days and 2 nights, all the way to the candlelit dinner where he got down on one knee. You remember it fondly.

While the promise of a trip together didn’t fix your loneliness now, it gave you something to look forward to.

You couldn’t fight the smile in your voice. “Okay.” Your eyes went over to the stove where dinner was cooking. You had just finished searing some steaks that were finishing up in the oven. There was no point of putting them away for him to eat later. They wouldn’t be as flavorful or tender.

“Hey, is it okay if I bring you some dinner? I know you haven’t eaten yet.” Your tone shifted to one of slight teasing but you knew you were right. His pause of silence was proof enough.

“You don’t have to do that, baby.”

“I want to though. I made steak and I’ll feel better knowing you’ve eaten. I won’t stay long or distract you.” Just knowing he had a home cooked meal would make you happy. You would nag him constantly about drinking too much coffee and eating take out. It came from a place of love, however and Yoongi never minded. He loved having someone so attentive to his health when he’d blatantly ignore it. It showed you cared. Also, he secretly loved being babied by you. He’d never admit it out loud or to his friends but you knew. There was nothing better than coming home, a bath prepared for him to soothe his sore muscles, a meal on the table, and cuddling into your soft breasts while your rubbed his back—always being careful with his shoulder.

Your already nurturing nature and tendency to baby Yoongi increased tenfold once he got surgery. You barely let him leave the bed, even following him to the bathroom to make sure he didn’t hurt himself. A little bit stifling but he was so grateful to you. You always took care of him.

“Then that sounds great. I’ll leave my door open for you. I love you, baby.”

“I love you too. See you soon.”

With a giddy pep in your step, you finished cooking dinner, packaging it nicely in cute Tupperware before putting it in a bag. You had already showered and your clothes were fine but you wondered if you should put on something different. While Yoongi thought you looked good in anything, you still liked to look pretty for him; wearing dresses and heels whenever you went out, keeping your nails and toes done, and making appointments to get waxed every month. Self care was important to you. It not only made you feel good about yourself but it was also something you just liked to do for your husband.

Deciding to change your clothes, you slipped on a t shirt maxi dress that hugged and showed off all of your curves, along with some short open toed shoes to show off your freshly painted white toes. It was simple but still dressy and feminine, just your style.

Checking your hair once more in the mirror and smearing on some lip gloss, you grabbed the bag of food and your keys before exiting your home.

~

HYBE Studios was a pretty moderate drive from your apartment. The reason for that is to keep crazy fans from ever finding it. Once the company realized other idols were having their homes broken into, there was a decision to move all of the boys about 30 minutes from the company in a luxury gated neighborhood. You had to admit, you missed your old apartment you shared with Yoongi since that was their first place together but you also couldn’t complain about the walk in closet and the jacuzzi bathtub.

You greeted the security guard in front of the car garage, him lifting the block to the garage. After parking close to the company cars that were often used to transport the boys during RunBTS, you exited your car and made your way through the side door to the lobby.

You nodded at the secretary, everyone already knowing who you were and letting you pass with no issue.

Yoongi’s studio was on the 8th floor at the end of the hall. Namjoon’s was just a short distance away as well.

Once you reached his door, you entered the pin code on the keypad. Besides a few staff members and the boys, you were one of the few with the password to his studio. He just preferred silence and no disruptions so the code was only used during emergencies or whenever you or the boys came to visit. There was also a group chat for everyone with his code, adorably named ‘The Plastics’, courtesy of Taehyung. If they ever needed to come to his studio, they’d send a text beforehand so he’d know to expect them.

The beep sounded and you opened the door, smiling at the sight of your husband who was cutely leaned over on his right palm as his eyes scanned the production screen for his music. You didn’t get most of it but you always found it adorable when he’d try to explain. He’d get so invested in telling you how reverb and delay could either make or break a song that he’d never see how endearingly you’d stare at him. And he’d always get surprised when you’d lunge to bite his cheek.

“You are just too adorable! I have to bite you!”

His headphones were around his neck so he turned at the sound of his door opened, a smile immediately rising to his face at the sight of you. He removed his headphones, standing to greet you.

You could barely put the food down before his hands were around you waist, pulling you in for a hug. You wrapped your arms around his neck, cuddling into his body as you inhaled his cologne and the gentle scent of his favorite body wash.

He pulled away a little to press a few pecks to your forehead. “Hi baby.” His deep, slightly tired voice sent shivers down you spine. It was almost like his regular voice was just his morning voice constantly and out of all of the little things you loved about him, his voice was towards the top of your list—right after his newly grown out hair, his hands, and that little habit of him slurping whenever he’d explain things.

You inhaled a deep breath, basking in the affection. “Hi.”

You two just held each other for a moment, locked in an embrace and not wanting to let go. This was your special kind of intimacy, just not speaking or moving, simply holding one another.

Yoongi considered himself a pretty private person. A little ironic considering he was a world famous idol who’s whole job was being put in the spotlight. However, when it came to his personal relationships, he did his best to keep that as private as possible. Just imagine the uproar when people found out he was engaged. You had been hidden from the public eye for 3 straight years before you got engaged. How? One part extreme luck, the other part moving quietly. Your relationship started off with you meeting for the first time at a staff member’s wedding. You had designed her dress and she was so amazed and in love with how you created her dream dress that she insisted you come to her wedding. Always happy to see people overjoyed with your work and excited to see your design in action, of course you agreed. Coincidentally, you were sat pretty close to the table the boys were at. When you recognized them, you softly smiled and introduced yourself, expressing how you were a fan and how many women said they were using BTS songs as their wedding songs. Yoongi was drawn in instantly, your gentle voice and sparkling eyes as you talked about your clients drew him in. He could tell you were passionate about your career, just like he was.

After exchanging numbers while the bride and groom were cutting the cake, you two mainly texted and called each other in your free time. It took about 4 months for you to go on their first date since Yoongi had to go to America for promotions. He thought you’d lose interest since he traveled and couldn’t take you on a proper date but you never minded. You liked talking to Yoongi and found yourself developing feelings for him. He was trying and effort was one of your biggest green flags for a partner. A little distance wasn’t that big of a deal to you. Of course, you wanted to be able to be close to him and hold his hand and maybe even kiss but you knew what you were signing up for when you started talking.

Once Yoongi went on break, he started dedicating a lot of time to you; dates, inviting you to his place for dinner and wine, and learning more about you. He didn’t think you would get along so well. Talking on the phone was vastly different than being in each other’s physical presence but you had melded together like the pieces of a puzzle. You were so gentle and compassionate, always looking after him and giving him affection he hasn’t gotten in years. You were perfect for him and vice versa.

Your eyes slowly blinked up at him, just taking in his handsome features. You could spot the bags under his eyes, feeling a little sad that he was running himself ragged.

“You look tired. Have you slept since his morning?”

He hummed. “I took a little nap around lunch. The new couch came in.” You turned a little to look at the new addition to his studio. Before, he just had a small leather couch, moreso for decoration than comfort. Once he got a bigger studio, he upgraded his furniture but kept that couch. After some prodding from you, he ordered a new and more comfortable couch—one that could become a pull out bed for those overnights at the studio.

“It looks great.” It was a dark grey color, wide and stretched enough to fully support 2 people if you wanted to spoon on it.

“Yeah. I just didn’t think it would take that long to get it in the door. Namjoon almost knocked over my synthesizer.” He said that with a shake of his head. You giggled, imagining the tall and clumsy man scrambling to pick up the keyboard.

“I can only imagine. I brought food. You should eat it before it gets cold. I should go.” You tried pulling away from him only for him to tighten his grip on your waist. You let out an “oof” as your face met the hard planes of his chest. All that physical therapy and time in the gym had really bulked him up. While you loved his body regardless, you definitely weren’t complaining about the extra muscle. He was filling out this black shirt just fine.

He nuzzled his nose in your neck, inhaling your favorite perfume that you’ve worn since he met your. It was one of his favorite scents. His hands rubbed up and down your back, feeling all over the material of your dress.

“No, stay. Eat with me.”

Yoongi could be very affectionate and straightforward when he wanted to be, normally when you were alone. He’d never show this side in public. Not because he was ashamed of his love for your, far from that. He just preferred to keep their intimate moments private. Maybe a little kiss here and there and some hand holding but moments like this were for you only.

Your manicured fingers went to his nape, scratching at the hair there. “I don’t want to distract you.”

“You’re not.” He pulled back to look you in eyes. “I want you to eat with me. I feel bad we couldn’t have dinner at home.” And he did. He knew his job demanded a lot of his time and attention and even if you understood that, it didn’t stop him from feeling guilty about leaving you alone all the time. He knew you could entertain yourself and had your own life outside of him but he still felt bad not being able to spend as much time with you as he wanted. He missed you just as much. While he loved his job, nothing beat coming home to your warmth and affection. To be honest, he was getting a little touch starved.

He led you over to the couch, waiting for your to sit before going to the mini fridge in his studio.

“Do you want juice?” He asked as he pulled out a couple of drinks. He always kept some of your favorites in his mini fridge just in case. You didn’t drink caffeine or really any alcohol, water and juices were your favorites.

You nodded your head, beginning to take out the Tupperware containers. They were still nice and hot. He placed a juice down on the table, along with an energy drink. You frowned at that, leaning forward to pick it up.

“You need to drink water. Don’t think I haven’t noticed those coffee cups on your desk.”

He rolled his eyes and sighed but couldn’t hide his smile. You were too good to him. Sometimes he felt like he didn’t deserve you. Taking the energy drink from you, he went back to the fridge to grab a water instead.

Ignoring the smug smile on your face, he sat next to you, waiting for you to open all of the containers. The smell was delicious, making his stomach growl.

Your handed him some chopsticks and a few napkins before sliding the steak over to him. “Here. Try it.”

You ate in silence, him using his chopsticks to place some pieces of steak and vegetables in your bowl. You smiled, the cute ways Yoongi showed he cared always making your heart warm. Fans knew he was more subtle in showing he cared and that wasn’t any different than him in private. You had to learn that his love language was acts of service but in a more quiet way.

After you finished eating, he helped clean up the containers, giving you some wipes to clean your hands and the table.

He let out of a groan as he sat back down on the couch, belly full and fully ready for a nap. But he knew he had to get back to work and that meant you had to leave.

“Thanks, baby. It was delicious.” His hand came to rest on your thigh, rubbing the soft skin. You hummed, placing your hand on top of his.

“Of course. I’m happy you liked it.” You both rested for a moment before you began moving. “I should go. You have work to do.”

You barely made it to your feet before he was tugging you back down on his lap. A surprised yelp came from your lips at the sudden movement, ass meeting his thighs when you landed. He situated you so that you straddled his hips, his hands immediately going to your ass.

“Baby….” You pouted, feeling a little shy all of a sudden. You were normally the one who initiated physical affection so for Yoongi to do it so roughly surprised you. You weren’t complaining, however. The way his eyes were hooded over and how he looked up at you with that dark endearment made your belly tingle. You knew where this was going.

“Stay.” His left hand pressed your body down so your chest squished against his. “You come here in this dress and my favorite shoes…”

You adjusted yourself to wrap your arms around his neck. “I hardly wear these.”

He shrugged. “I love anything you wear. You look so sexy.” His hand traveled up your dress, moving it up your ass so he could grope full handfuls of the fat. While Yoongi appreciated all parts of your body, your ass was his favorite. Genetics, exercise and a little bit of happy weight had all accumulated into jiggly ass he loved to squeeze and slap. When you met, you were pretty thin but in shape nonetheless. Fans speculated that you gained ‘happy relationship weight’ since Yoongi treats you right. Whatever the reason, he thanks the higher power every day for it.

You could feel the heat beginning to spark between you, along with Yoongi’s growing boner pressing against your panties. Now that you thought about it, it’s been a little while since you’ve been intimate. You and Yoongi have barely had any time for quickies, let alone a full session of sex. And you two could go for hours if you wanted. On the day of your engagement, you barely left the hotel room because you couldn’t keep your hands off him. How could you? He was your fiancé. Mmm, that word just got you hot and bothered.

Your hands ran up his neck and into his hair, scratching at his scalp. The low hum of contentment that came from him spurred you on. You brought your faces closer together, lips hovering before you trapped him in a kiss. He hummed again, lifting his head to kiss you deeper, hands still squeezing at your ass.

Your kiss grew more heady, both of your hands massaging each other and trying to stroke any piece of skin you could. Yoongi began pushing against you to make your roll your hips against him. His cock could probably cut glass from how hard he was. You always got him excited with barely doing anything. To be honest, he started getting hard the moment you entered the room. Just your presence got him feeling almost immediately horny.

And it was the same for you. Your cunt had began getting wet the moment Yoongi turned around in his chair. He just looked so comfortable and effortlessly sexy and the way his muscles strained against that shirt made your imagination run wild.

You pulled away to inhale a deep breath. “Yoongi….please…”

His lazy smirk sent a rush straight to your already wet pussy. “What do you need, baby? Tell me.”

God he was such a tease but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t absolutely love it.

“I need you.”

That was all he needed before he moved to flip you onto your back. You bounced against the soft couch cushions, barely getting your bearings before he was back on you, pressing his lips to yours.

His large hands traveled up your dress, lifting it over your belly and breasts. He leaned back to get a look, letting out a groan at the absolute beauty under him.

Your chest was heaving from just a little kissing, your goddess locks spread out under you, glossed lips plump and ready for more. You were so gorgeous and he made sure to let you know.

You squirmed under the compliment, feeling giddy and a bit bashful. You always received compliments and the occasional catcall and while you accepted the respectful ones gracefully, none of those ever mattered to you. Yoongi’s praise and compliments put you on cloud 9 and you really believed him.

His hands traveled up your body to your breasts, eyes catching something under your bra. He pulled the annoying piece of fabric down and if he could get any harder, he probably would.

“Fuck. You’re wearing your piercings? Did you come here to try and kill me?” The little diamonds sparkled under the light. He remembers buying the jewelry for your birthday last year. He also remembers sucking the sensitive nipples until you were crying just an hour later.

You giggled, biting your lip. “Of course not.”

His smirk widened. “You little sneak.” His hands went to grope at the soft flesh, a sigh falling from your lips. His thumbs ran lightly over the stiff peaks, pulling more sighs and little squeaks from your lips. Your nipples had gotten so much more sensitive after piercings. Yoongi couldn’t be too rough on them when you first got them, being careful of your healing process. He could barely touch them without you gasping in the slight pain from healing. Of course, he never complained, understanding your pain so he just stopped touching them. He just didn’t think it would test his control so much; seeing you walk around without a shirt sometimes, the already silky and delectable breasts looking more appetizing from the little barbells. Months had passed along with many maintenance appointments before you announced that they could be touched without pain. With the pain gone, your sensitivity skyrocketed and with Yoongi’s skilled tongue beginning their assault, your pleasure had been taken to a new level.

Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer and his mouth open to lick over your nipple. You let out a moan as his tongue swirled all around your piercing. He switched to the next one, giving it the same treatment.

The heat between your legs was becoming too much, your panties beginning to feel uncomfortable from how they were sticking to you.

“Yoongi….” You whined. His eyes lifted to lock on your flustered face, lips parted as puffs of air came through them, your eyes desperate and pleading for anything. Everything.

Reluctantly pulling away from your nipples, he helped you pull the dress from your body, tossing it somewhere in the room. Neither of you cared.

He kissed from your breasts to your tummy until he reached the apex of your thick thighs. You immediately dropped them open, revealing yourself to him. He groaned at your desperation but also at the sight of your soaked underwear. The thong barely covered anything, the baby blue fabric now dark from your arousal. It was practically leaking from you, the bottom of your ass shining. Kissing over the stretch marks that streaked down the inside of your thighs, he whispered words of praise to you.

“Fuck baby. You’re so fucking wet.” He couldn’t help himself, surging forward to suck on your clit through your panties. A shiver racked your body, your hands coming down to bury in his hair. The friction wasn’t as good with your panties still keeping his tongue from making direct contact with your clit but it was something. And it felt so good.

Your hips jerked against his face, trying to get more. His hands dug into the meat of your thighs, holding them open as his tongue licked at your clit.

More moans fell from your lips, pleasure causing your vision to go blurry. You felt so close already and he’s barely done anything. Blame it on you not having a proper orgasm for weeks. Your hands just didn’t feel the same and Yoongi had thrown out all of your vibrators once you two started having sex.

“You won’t need these anymore. All your orgasms should come from me.”

Now you were remembering why he threw them out in the first place. Only he could rip pleasure and orgasms from your body in seconds, playing your body like a piano.

Your hand came down your body, tapping against his forehead. He pulled away slightly, eyes searching your face for any sign of discomfort. You really only stopped him when you were shaking in overstimulation and he knew you hadn’t even cum yet so why were you stopping him?

When he pulled back, you grabbed onto your panties, pulling them aside to reveal your fat and dripping pussy to him.

How the hell did he get so lucky? Did he save orphans in his past life or something? Not only had he managed to put a ring on a kind, generous, and absolutely amazing person who treated him like a King and opened up the deepest parts of him, he also managed to snag a submissive, slutty, and needy woman who could ride his cock for hours and bend in ways he’s only dreamed of.

There was no way.

Eyes darkening in lust, he dove back in to capture your clit, licking at it more furiously than before. The heat from his mouth made that pressure build in your lower belly, your toes curling from their position in the air. Your loud moans only pushed him further, shoving 2 fingers in your tight heat. Your slick walls gripped his fingers so tightly that he could barely move them.

“Y-Yoongi! I’m gonna-“

He curled his fingers up, pulling away from your clit to lean up close to your face, his breath hitting your cheeks. “You gonna cum? You’re such a good girl.” He pressed some kisses to your open mouth, fingers thrusting in and out of your in a superhuman pace, veins and muscles in his arms shifting and bulging from the exertion.

When your orgasm crashed, you swore all of your senses except touch disappeared. You couldn’t hear and your vision blurred from the tears that had welled in your eyes. But Yoongi didn’t stop.

Your hand flew down to grab at his wrist, back arching as he continued his assault, helping you ride the huge wave.

He pulled his lip between his teeth. You were so sexy.

Once you came down, he slowly pulled his fingers from your, the digits glistening in your release. He sucked them into his mouth, moaning at the taste. He just couldn’t get enough.

Now he wanted more. Standing from the couch, he pulled off his own shirt and pants, taking his briefs with them. His hard cock slapped against his stomach, red at the tip and practically pulsing.

You bit your lip, thighs squeezing together as your pussy throbbed. Fuck you were so wet.

He flopped back on the couch, patting his lap. “Come ride this cock, baby.”

Not needing to be told twice, you crawled over into his lap, taking your bra and ruined panties off on the way.

His hands gripped your ass once you were straddled on his hips. You could feel the heavy weight of his cock pressing on your ass and it filled you with excitement.

Reaching your hand back, you gripped his cock, pumping it a few times. He groaned, head falling back against the couch at your touch.

Delivering a sharp slap to your ass, he growled, “stop teasing.”

His deep and demanding voice sent shivers down your spine. Never one to disobey, you lifted your hips, lining up his cock with your entrance. You rubbed the tip over your opening to gather some of your wetness before you slowly began sinking down on him.

A moan came from both of you as his thick cock began splitting you open. Your walls were squeezing him so tight that he felt like he could cum right there but he refrained. He wasn’t even all the way inside yet.

Your mouth was dropped open as his cock stretched you open, head tossed back and eyes closed as you basked in the feeling. Each ridge and vein was pressing against you in the most delicious way, the slight curve pressing against that spot deep inside of you. You felt like you could cum again just like this.

Once your ass met his thighs, you both let out sighs. Not only from pleasure but from being able to be close like this. This is what you needed; this closeness, this union, this intimacy. Sex was so much more to you than just getting off. It bonded you and brought you closer than ever, love spilling over and intertwining your hearts and souls.

Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him in for a sweeter and more sensual kiss.

“I love you…” you whispered against his lips.

“I love you too.”

Your hips began rolling against him, slowly at first to get accumulated to the stretch. He assisted you with one hand on your ass and one on your hip.

Before long, you began raising your hips, falling back down on his lap. The low clapping sounds spurring you on.

Yoongi groaned against your lips. “That’s it, baby. Faster.” With another sharp slap to your ass that made you moan, you bounced faster. Your ass jiggled each time it connected with his thighs and a part of him wished he could see it but the blissed out look on your face was too good to pass up.

Unwrapping your arms from his neck, you leaned back to get that perfect angle, your hands landing on his knees. A squeak fell from you as his tip began bullying your soft spot. Your head fell back, mouth dropped open as that delicious feeling began building in the pit of your stomach.

“Ah! Yoongi! Your cock feels s-so good!” You felt drunk, mind hazy and awareness faded. All you could focus on was the feel of him under you and the way his perfect cock slipped in and out. Your entire body felt like it was on fire, electricity spreading all the way to your fingertips and making your toes curl.

Yoongi couldn’t take his eyes off you. He didn’t even know where to look; your breasts, face, where you were connected? He could see how your arousal was dripping down to wet his pubic hair, a ring of your wetness coating the base of his cock. You were truly was a sight to behold.

That pressure was building faster than you thought. Sliding your hand down your body, your fingers connected with your clit, rubbing the nub in fast circles.

“Yoongi!”

He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. Your walls clenched and constricted around him, almost suffocating him. His hands rubbed at your nipples, flicking at the piercings. You were seeing stars, the stimulation was too much. His hands roaming you, your own fingers on your clit, and his cock inside of you was all too much.

That pressure…..

“I’m cumming!”

Your hips lifted from his cock, it falling out to slap against his stomach. Your fingers rubbed at your clit until some drips of liquid came out. The motion of your fingers caused the droplets to fly everywhere, some landing on the cushions as well.

Once you were done riding it out, he was flipping you back on the couch, head pressed into the cushions and ass up in the air. He delivered a few slaps to your ass, pulling some moans from your at the sting. Your head was swimming, the sudden movement making you a little dizzy but that dizziness quickly left when Yoongi entered you again.

His cock entered you in one swift motion, hips immediately working to push and pull against you. Your ass clapped back on his hips, the fat jiggling and rippling with every move. His own orgasm was just over the horizon.

“You are so fucking sexy.” Each word was punctuated by a thrust. “You come in here looking this good and then you bounce on my cock until you squirt? Why the fuck have I been spending all my time here when you’re at home?” He was really talking to himself. Only a true idiot would leave a hot piece of ass like this at home all day. And he must really be a true idiot, probably the dumbest man alive. But not anymore.

Your moans were rising in pitch. With this position, you could every inch, every curve, absolutely everything. You could barely breathe, your brain only being able to form utterances of his name and begs of faster and harder.

That feeling in Yoongi began cresting, balls drawing up as his orgasm washed over him. His hands gripped your hips and ass hard enough to bruise but you could care less. He could bruise you up all he wanted.

His orgasm spread from the top of his head to the tips of his toes, shuddering his whole body. “F-fuck….” He breathed out. That was probably the hardest orgasm he’s ever had in his life.

Your own breath began to even out. You thought that was the end but you were suddenly flipped around back on your back. Both of your legs were hiked up over his right shoulder, thighs pressing into your chest in Yoongi’s absolute favorite position.

“You think I’m done with you?” His smirk was teasing and it caused more arousal to drip from you. He reached his hand down to line himself up before pushing into your heat. A gasp came from your throat at the intrusion, your hands coming to grip at the back of his neck.

His hips set a brutal pace, balls wetly slapping against your ass.

“Oh my god! Y-Yoongi!”

It felt like he was in your throat, every thrust hitting you in all the right spots. Your nails scratched at his neck, the slight sting only pushing him harder. He could feel your walls tightening, a tell tale sign of your orgasm. Your breasts bounced with every push, dark nipples looking incredibly enticing.

“Cum, baby. That’s it.”

Your body seized up as your second orgasm full body absorbed you. Your vision spotted white and your ears were ringing.

But not even your orgasm made him stop or slow down. He pushed faster and harder, the squelching noises getting louder as more and more wetness spilled from you.

It was like your orgasm wouldn’t stop. Wave after wave came over you. Every nerve was lit on fire, your mouth dropped but no sound came out. He had taken every word from you.

When he felt you squirt on his cock again, he shoved his full cock inside. Your toes curled so hard that you could feel them crack, legs shaking but he held them tightly. Your hands smacked against his shoulders as the stimulation became too much. You were so full.

“Yoongi!”

“Take it. Take all that cock, baby.”

You had no choice but you didn’t care. You’d give up every choice if it meant he’d fuck you like this.

He rolled his hips against yours a few more times before his own orgasm washed over him. He groaned into your throat, a full body shudder racking his body.

Lifting his head, he connected your lips in a soft kiss, a complete turn from what just went down. You hummed against his lips, hands roaming his soft skin.

He moved your legs from his shoulders, massaging your slightly sore muscles as you kissed. You both let out small moans as he pulled out of your heat, his cum flowing out of you.

Yoongi helped you clean yourself up, giving you a large elastic to tie up your hair. The sweat would definitely make your roots curl back up but that was a problem for another day. You put your dress back on as Yoongi pulled his shirt and pants back on. Your underwear found themselves tucked into his back pocket. A little silly considering he had endless access to you pussy but you guessed it was some man thing.

When Yoongi went back to his computer, leaning over the chair to click at some things, you visibly deflated, mood dampening. Was he really going back to work? You guessed you did just come to drop off food, the sex was a bonus and you did say you would leave afterwards. You just couldn’t help but feel a little sad and used. Yoongi was the king of aftercare, always running you a bath or giving you cuddles as you two calmed down from lovemaking. It’s not like this one moment would make you think Yoongi didn’t care but you did feel a little defeated.

Gathering your things, you were about to approach the door but Yoongi’s voice stopped you.

“Where are you going?”

You didn’t turn to face him, feeling a little embarrassed. “Home. Aren’t you going back to work?”

A snort came from him. “Of course not.”

You gasped when his body pressed against your back, also the feeling of his boner was right on your ass.

“Yoongi….”

“You really think I’m about to work and let you go home so you can wash my cum out of you? I’m fucking you until you can’t walk.”

Maybe you should come to the studio more often.

[torturedpoetsdepartmentemployee]

I have an alternate universe Buggy that's been ratallng around in my head. A female Buggy that's like Taylor Swift, so she got into music and wants to be a singer. She spent most of her time on the Oro building up her guitar and piano skills. She stole the guitar from the musician(was aware but let it happen) and begged Roger to get a piano. She didn't inherently have the greatest vocals and got teased, specifically by Shanks. Dreams of being in front of a crowd cheering her on and singing her songs. Those dreams are what drive her. It goes hand in hand with canon Buggy’s inferiority complex and constantly seeking attention to be a star.

The reason I can imagine it is because Buggy would be the kind to right the most unhinged lyrics that TS is known for. Also a lot of her lyrics reflect Buggy.

Mirrorball - And they called off the circus Burned the disco down When they sent home the horses And the rodeo clowns I'm still on that tightrope I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me I'm still a believer but I don't know why I've never been a natural All I do is try, try, try I'm still on that trapeze I'm still trying everything To keep you looking at me

Me! - I know that I'm a handful, baby, uh I know I never think before I jump And you're the kind of guy the ladies want (And there's a lot of cool chicks out there) I know that I went psycho on the phone I never leave well enough alone And trouble's gonna follow where I go (And there's a lot of cool chicks out there)

Karma - ‘Cause karma is my boyfriend Karma is a god Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend Karma's a relaxing thought Aren't you envious that for you it's not? Sweet like honey, karma is a cat Purring in my lap 'cause it loves me Flexing like a goddamn acrobat Me and karma vibe like that Ask me what I learned from all those years Ask me what I earned from all those tears Ask me why so many fade, but I'm still here (I'm still, I'm still here)

peace - Our coming-of-age has come and gone Suddenly the summer, it's clear I never had the courage of my convictions As long as danger is near And it's just around the corner, darling ‘Cause it lives in me No, I could never give you peace

long story short - Fatefully I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me Misery Like the war of words I shouted in my sleep And you passed right by I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides The knife cuts both ways If the shoe fits, walk in it 'til your high heels break

Never Grow Up - And no one's ever burned you Nothing's ever left you scarred And even though you want to Just try to never grow up

So here I am in my new apartment In a big city, they just dropped me off It's so much colder than I thought it would be So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on Wish I'd never grown up I wish I'd never grown up

Endgame - I hit you like, "Bang" We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't And I bury hatchets but I keep maps of where I put 'em Reputation precedes me, they told you I'm crazy I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me

The whole of Dear Reader and most of Anti Hero. New Romantics just sounds like a pirate anthem. So definitely something Buggy would write.

Here are the albums that would be about different exes. The exes that had a lasting impact on her.

Red Hair Shanks - Debut, Fearless, and Red

Donquixate Doflamongo - Speak Now, a little of Fearless and Red.

Charlotte Katakuri - Speak Now

Sir Crocodile - 1989

Sakazuki/Akainu -folklore, evermore

Dracula Mihawk - reputation, Lover, folklore, evermore

Midnights is a mix of them. Also she falls back in love with Mihawk and Crocodile after they form the Cross Guild.

Her exes have a hard time forgetting her and its made even worse by their enemies using the songs about them to torment them. It also doesn't help that their subordinates and families listen to her songs too. I'm still figuring out the timeline. Akainu happens before Mihawk but she is so hurt by him that she wasn't able to write any songs about him until much later.

None of this is a commentary on Taylor Swift or her personal life. Just my interpretations and how they'd fit.



[shenlis-spear]

THE LEGEND OF SHEN LI 与凤行, 2024

⇢ starring: zhao liying, lin gengxin

If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. (I'm talking about The Legend of Shen Li)

Let me preface this by saying I'm biased. And it's been a million years since I tried to put my thoughts into writing so this is gonna be all over the place and long-winded. And probably wouldn't make any sense. So here it goes.

I really enjoyed The Legend of Shen Li. Do I love it? With all my charred heart. Do I think it's the best drama this year? It's still April. It's hard to say. Are Shen Li and Xing Zhi the best power couple? This shouldn't even be a debate.

Honestly, I didn't even plan to chase this drama while it's ongoing because I binge watching drama is what I enjoy best. However, I was bored. And The Legend of Shen Li's trailer looked interesting. And my heart still needs healing from the mess of an ending that is Princess Agents. I needed closure. So I started watching the drama, and boy oh boy did it drag me down one hell of a roller coaster ride of emotions every single night. (No, I'm not complaining.)

However, before I talk about the things that I really loved about the drama, I have some things to say about the stuff that kind of irked me. Because no drama is perfect (unless it's Nirvana in Fire).

So let me get started on the things that I feel like the drama could've done better.

Musical scoring - the OST's? Chef's kiss. However, they way they're putting music on the scenes are a hit and miss. Most of the time it just distracts me from the scene and I just get bored with the mv-ish scene. I wish cdramas especially custom ones would stop this. I don't need 5 mins of the leads staring at each other in all angles accompanied by a really nice song. I'm here to watch a drama. Although, I kinda did get used to it in the latter episodes (specifically ep35-38) because I definitely needed a minute or two to process the emotions.

The progression of the story - One thing. I'm confused. Not to the point that "I don't understand the plot confusing" but still confusing nonetheless. There was no consistency in the scenes and the dialogues. (Ex fishing village). There was no flow. I feel like someone messed up the storyboard and when they edited the scenes they were also confused. Or maybe this is the issue of the translation of the dialogue? I don't even know. Still, I definitely think this part could've been done better.

The internal monologues - sigh when I said the thing I love most in dramas are their dialogues I don't mean what's happening in The Legend of Shen Li. The characters just talk (or think?) too damn much I can't keep up. They're supposed to be the characters whom their actions should tell the story but the way they're narrating the whole plot to me is just so jarring. Am I watching a drama or listening to an audiobook? Sometimes I can't tell. I wish they'd tone it down but it just got worse with the later episodes.

The camera - this is just me being nitpicky but there are some random camera angles especially the spinning ones that probably is supposed to make the scene dramatic but all it did was make me wanna vomit.

This is not in any way, shape, or form hating on the drama because I genuinely enjoyed it. I've deluded myself into waiting for a Princess Agents S2 but I got a better deal and had Zhao Liying and Lin Gengxin to reunite in a new project which is better in my opinion because Princess Agents is a hot mess. There was really no saving that one.

So moving on to the things I like! But like, where do I even start?

First of all, Zhao Liying and Lin Gengxin. Chemistry so good, they had to be casted in another drama. Everything about them was just so perfect for the drama and the role. Could not ask for a more perfect casting than them. The 7 year wait was almost worth it.

The WOMEN! - so much room for improvement regarding the characters but I loved that the women were not treated as damsels who always needed saving. I have to say 5 1/2 braincells were working throughout the drama, 2 from Shen Li, 1 from You Lan, 1 from Jin Niang Zi and 1 from Shen Mu Yue (1/2 from Xing Zhi because he's too unbothered if it's not related to Shen Li).

Shen Li - might not be the best female character in cdramaland but I think she can hold her own place. She's stubborn, a bit reckless but she's loyal and righteous. She's a strong woman without being a stereotypical cold and ruthless strong woman. Shen Li is a strong woman at the same time also a mad woman in love. She does not have to be one or the other. The more I write this the more I'm falling in love with her character. You just don't find a character like her. She is Shen Li. A capable general. A strong leader. An empathetic comrade. A respectful student. A woman in love. She is not just one of them but all of them.

Lin Gengxin is pretty believable playing as an ancient god. He has that air around him that screams your highness. He played the lofty and aloof Xing Zhi to perfection.

And what can I even say about Zhao Liying? As always miss ma'am played Shen Li perfectly. Whimsical, stubborn, in love and devasted in love, you can feel all those emotions just watching her eyes.

It has angst but not too much that we as viewers would spend multiple episodes pulling out hair of frustration about the misunderstandings and accidental killings. (Not a shade to any specific drama but just to the xanxia genre in general). It has the perfect balance of angst, romance and comedy. You laugh, cry and giggle all in one episode. The comic relief scenes are naturally funny and doesn't feel forced. Zhao Liying and Lin Gengxin's comedic timing are 👌.

The conflict was handled maturely and the confession was direct but still heart fluttering. Throughout the drama, they both got their heads perfectly placed on their shoulders.

The last episode! Let us talk about the last episode because when has a drama provided that kind of fan service just making one whole episode of shenanigans and fluff. After going through the angst, the reward that is the last episode is just too good and definitely worth all the tears.

Also, can we talk about Dong Jie's guest role? I know miss ma'am is good but when I tell you I cried for a minute because of her story arc? Just hands up and mic drop. So so good!

Now that all of these are out of my system, hopefully I can move on to the next obsession, whatever that may be. I'll still probably watch episode 39 on a daily basis though. It's just too enjoyable and it makes my day. Will probably, revisit this "review" in the future and update it because I'm aware that at this point it's not making a lot of sense.

RATING: 9/10 REWATCH VALUE: 10/10 definitely would watch again! ACTING: 10/10 CATEGORY: GUILTY PLEASURE

[1lostsoul0fishbowl]

August 21 is Fanfic Writer Appreciation Day 💕

…so I tried to make a list of 21 of my absolute favorite fanfics, but I couldn’t quite narrow it down enough. Instead you get 25!

(will tag the author if I know/can find their Tumblr— if I miss any please let me know)

🎉🩷🎉🩷🎉🩷🎉

Warm by @patternscolorsflowers - I made an Ao3 account for the sole purpose of bookmarking this as my very first favorite fic. A gorgeous one-shot of Joyce giving Eddie some much needed motherly TLC. I must’ve read this fic at least a dozen times, and cried every single time.

Disliking You Less by @claracivry - Claudia Henderson slowly learns to accept Dustin’s weird new metalhead friend. Just the sweetest, cutest fic!

Red and the Metalhead by @cunninghamschrissy - of course! The adorable fic that inspired me to write Not-so-iron Maiden! Max and Eddie as sibs have my heart forever.

Best we can do is to pick up the pieces by @hearjessroarfics - very, very sweet fic from Wayne’s POV as he observes Eddie and Chrissy in an unguarded moment.

Come True in the End by Many_Impossible_Things - absolutely BAMF Chrissy is tired of being underestimated, and comes back to life with a vengeance through the power of Pat Benatar. Seriously, read this one!!!

Take a chance on me by @womanof-1000-faces - Chrissy joins Hellfire. And it’s just as awesome as it sounds.

We’re not alone (I’ll find a new place to be from) by @grasslandgirl - Eddie learns to love Dustin’s hugs. Soooo cute.

Of All The Waffle Houses In The World by Babeinthewoods - a few unconventional wingmen (aka, the Party) help Eddie get a date with Chrissy, with lots of hilarious shenanigans along the way.

Eddie My Love by @ghostlynimbus - sweet little Hellcheer scene, and you’ll end up with the song stuck in your head for days.

Graceland, too. (Whatever she wants) by cunninghams - Eddie and Chrissy survive Vecna and then make a bucket list to take advantage of their new lease on life.

Five Drunks and a Cheerleader by @phoenixwrites - Chrissy goes to see Corroded Coffin at the Hideout. It sounds simple but it’s so.dang.cute and there’s a whole delightful series now!

That’s all I’ve got to say by @barriss - Eddie gets a little too emotional during movie night. Absolutely adorable.

The shop around the corner by @adelaideelaine - Hellcheer meets You’ve Got Mail with a little dash of tattoo parlor AU thrown in. One of my favorite ships plus one of my favorite movies? Heck yeah!

Have no fear (the monster’s gone) by JuliaRose12 - Heartmelting Wayne and Eddie fluff, as everyone’s favorite uncle looks after his beloved nephew in the hospital.

In Her Mercy Does All Abound by viharker - medieval troubadour AU. Nuff said, right? This one is so beautiful.

the buzz by @hangon-silvergirl - modern day Eddie as a chaotic DJ wooing Chrissy the Barista via music and text. Absolutely hilarious!

Come What May by @lokinightfury - Hellcheer starring in Grease? The entire Party and Corroded Coffin as wingmen? Yes please!!!

Wasted Years by @bratanimus - Eddie and the guys listen to a new album, as Eddie comes to terms with the past and prepares for his future. So introspective and beautiful, I cried so much reading this one. Really the entire Man to Man series is amazing!

The Kingdoms Never Weep by @sokkas-first-fangirl - Eddie’s estranged family tries to come back to haunt him, but the Party has his back. I love the gorgeous friendships in this fic and the whole series!

Guidance Counseling by @khaleesa - Eddie is determined to graduate, and slowly gets his life on track after surviving the Upside Down. I wanted to climb into this fic and live in it forever.

On the Other Side by @iwasateenagevirginiawoolf - One year after Vecna’s attack, Eddie and Chrissy are both learning to live again. Absolutely heartbreaking but so beautiful and optimistic at the same time.

Long is the Road out of Hell by @justhere4thevibez - Chrissy joins Hellfire, but this glorious fic comes with the added bonus of her escaping her mother, and the best Mike Wheeler I’ve ever read.

Family Recipe by @foxylibrarian - the cutest fake dating AU, Chrissy has Nancy, Robin, and Barb as her BFFs, and there’s lots of Wayne too. It’s everything you could want!

On My Terms by @pipergirl17 - Jason injuring Wayne in an accident doesn’t sound like the basis of a Hellcheer hospital meet-cute, but trust me, it works.

In the Shade of Aurelias by @pearlypairings - last but MOST CERTAINLY not least, is my favorite fic by my favorite author! A magical fantasy AU, with hints of D&D, mystery, intrigue, and romance. It was hard to choose just one from Pearly, because all of her works are amazing, but this fic is truly outstanding.

Happy Fanfic Writer Appreciation Day to all of my favorite writers, and happy reading to everyone who enjoys these fics!!! 💕

[readyforthegarden]

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas - JTK

Synopsis: A cozy winter night at home with Jake, baking and listening to music, and a small competition when the gingerbread is ready!

WC: 3337

Warnings: None! Just fun fluff!

A/N: We are back with some sickening sweet Christmas and holiday cheer with our favorite guys!!

Josh’s Holiday Fic // Sam’s Holiday Fic // Danny’s Holiday Fic

The sweet and spicy scents of ginger, cinnamon and clove wafted in the warm air of the kitchen, filling your senses. Jake was humming along to Bing Crosby crooning from the speakers, smatterings of flour smudged on his old t-shirt and face. You were just as marked up with the fluffy white powder, and even worse, powdered sugar as you measured out enough powdered sugar for the royal icing.

“Are you sure we couldn’t have gotten that bucket of powder mix?” you asked softly, picking up the small jar of cream of tartar and measuring out what you needed. You had already done the laborious job of sorting out egg whites, when you remembered that a popular baking brand had pre-made powder to avoid it all.

“Because babe,” Jake persisted, using all the strength he had in his arms to roll out the deep brown dough. His shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, the long scar on his arm visible as he pushed the pin across the dough. “It’s not as strong as the real stuff you make yourself. We want these to last until New Years.” 

“No, you’re gonna pick all the gumdrops off of mine by Christmas Eve, let the roof cave in, and tell me Sam did it.” you shot Jake a joking side-eye as he paused his rolling to shrug with a soft chuckle. 

“You know me too well.” Jake moved from his counter station to yours, pressing a kiss to your cheek before grabbing the ruler and sharp knife, beginning to measure out the house pieces on the dough. “Although this year I was gonna blame Rose.”

“You’re awful!” you laughed, shaking your head as you turned the mixer on, mixing up the sugary glue. “I wouldn’t believe any slander about that dog, she’s too sweet.”

“Eh, it’d be worth the try.” Jake was now bent at the waist, placing a level on top of the dough. The first time you spent the holidays with Jake, you had nearly fallen on the floor laughing at how intense the guitarist was about making gingerbread houses. He kept a pencil tucked behind his ear like a contractor, ready to write down his measurements for optimal cookie structure. You decided to take it just as seriously, and a competition broke out between the two of you. 

Every year, now, before the Christmas party you hosted, you and Jake spent a full day on making your houses and decorating them to the nines. At the party, friends and family left votes, dropping gumdrops into a bowl in front of whose house they liked best. 

“Well be prepared to lose this year, Jacob Thomas.” you snipped, taking a rubber spatula and scraping down the sides of the mixing bowl, making sure every bit of powder got mixed with the egg whites perfectly. “I have so many ideas, my gingerbread house is going to blow your mind.”

“I saw that bag of decorations you tried to hide in the back of the pantry.” Jake quirked an eyebrow at you when he straightened up. “You think all that color is gonna beat me?”

“I know it is.” you replied coolly, turning the mixer back on. “Just you wait, everyone is going to vote for mine and you’ll get a pity vote from Josh because mine blows yours out of the water.”

“The pity vote will be from Danny, first of all,” Jake argued. “And secondly, you’re the one who’s going to get the pity vote when my five-star ski chalet wins.”

“Ah, we’re going chalet this year?” you grinned as Jake revealed his secret. “Isn’t that what you did last year too?”

“Hey, and it won last year.” Jake rebutted. “Don’t fix what ain’t broke.”

“Mm, well, we’ll see if your chalet is any match for an old school classic.” Moving from the mixer, you dampened a few paper towels, wringing them out in the sink before returning to your station, stopping the machine and lifting the head, letting the icing drip from the whisk attachment before taking it off. You placed the towels overtop of the icing to keep it from solidifying while you began helping Jake measure and cut out gingerbread pieces. 

The two of you worked in silence, letting the classic holiday tunes fill the air. Sometimes Jake would start humming again, quickly cut off as he slowly sliced into the fragrant dough, the need to focus outweighing his love for music. Once you both had a few sheet pans loaded up with gingerbread, Jake put the first tray in the oven. While it was baking, he uncorked a bottle of riesling, pouring two glasses and handing one to you. 

“To another Kiszka Cookie House Competition.” He raised his wine glass towards you, and you reciprocated, daintily clinging the rims together before taking your sip. 

“Competition aside, this is my favorite part of the holidays.” you told him, setting your glass on the flour covered counter. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” you nodded, coming close and wrapping your arms around Jake’s waist. “The smell of the spices with the lights, and music…it makes everything feel like home.” Jake set his own wine down and brought that hand up to your face, brushing your hair back and cupping your face. His other wrapped around your waist, holding you close to him. “You make everything feel like home, Jake.” 

“It’s easy when you do the same for me.” he replied softly. “When we’re out on tour, I don’t get homesick for this place, I get homesick for you.” Jake’s toffee brown eyes glimmered at you, a tug at the corner of his lips revealed a sincere smile as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to your lips. 

“Jake, that’s so sweet.” you pouted up at him when he pulled away. “But I’m still gonna kick your ass this year, and you can’t swoon your way out of it.”

“It was worth a shot.” Jake still kept his arm around you, holding you tight as Silver Bells started playing, Elvis’s cover. “I love this one.” he lowered his voice, matching Elvis’ pitch as he sang along. It was rare Jake sang loud enough for people to hear, even you. Instead of drawing attention to it, you rested your head on his shoulder as he sang along, swaying the two of you around in the spot you stood. Relaxing, you nuzzled your nose in the side of his neck, feeling the vibrations of his voice against it. You practically melted against him as he rested a cheek against the side of your head, singing directly in your ear.

“City sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style. In the air there's a feeling of Christmas. Children laughing, people passing, meeting smile after smile. And on every street corner you hear,” Jake was about to sing along to the chorus when he was cut off by the oven timer. Regretfully, he pulled away from you, pulling on an oven mitt and opening the oven door. He pulled out the tray, and your mouth immediately watered. 

“Are you sure we can’t just eat the gingerbread all night?” you whined, watching him set the tray on the oven and take off a mit, gingerly poking at the confection to test its doneness. Once satisfied, he put a new tray in the oven and set the timer. You retreated back to your riesling, while he grabbed his ruler and knife again, beginning to trim the rounded edges of the baked gingerbread before it cooled completely. 

After baking so many trays, everything was finally ready, and you grabbed your bag of goodies from the pantry. The dining table was cleared off completely for this, and now instead of placemats and a centerpiece, there was a cheap holiday tablecloth, with stacks of cooled, hardened gingerbread and bowls of royal icing placed upon it. You dumped out your grocery bag as Jake took a seat at the table, placing a small cardboard tray in front of your seat and his. 

“Your house is going to look like a rainbow threw up on it.” he jabbed with a laugh, making you stick out your tongue at him.

“My candy cottage will be a masterpiece. Yours is going to look cliche and boring, so there.” you retorted with sass, sticking a hand on your hip. “Now stop yapping and focus on your own house.” Jake raised his hands up and started reaching for gingerbread squares. 

The both of you worked quietly, intently focused on the construction of your houses. Jake’s level was back out, and more often than in previous years, he had to snatch it away from your side of the table as you snuck it away to make sure your building was level too. Every so often, you and Jake exchanged little glances and smiles, letting the other know you were still happy to be in their company, though the furrowed brows and concentration could indicate otherwise. 

As the clock ticked on, your holiday playlist looped, Jake’s soft hums occasionally filling the air as you both started decorating around the houses as the icing set and joined the cookies together. 

“All of this candy is making me hungry.” you huffed as you cut small pieces of flat, rainbow colored sour candies into little squares for a pathway. Looking at Jake, who was dipping small pretzel sticks into melted chocolate for ski poles, you continued. “Should we order a pizza?” 

“Sure, I need to take a break and let this chocolate harden up.” Jake wiped his hands on a paper towel next to him before picking up his phone. “The usual?”

“Mm, can we get extra mushrooms this time?” Jake nodded. 

“Of course, darlin’.” Jake paced a bit while he called the pizza place, placing the order for delivery. He came back to work on a few more things for his house until the doorbell rang. You kept yourself busy, making a classic red sled out of some twizzlers before he came back. “Okay, temporary pause on the gingerbread to eat pizza, drink wine and watch a movie.”

“Ooh!” you set your sled gingerly down on the cardboard, wiping your hands off as you hopped up, going into the kitchen to grab some plates and napkins. “What movie are you thinking?”

“Mm, let’s see….how about Rudolph? Short and sweet so once we’re done we can get back to work?”

“Sounds perfect to me.” you rushed to follow him to the living room, insisting the only lights be from the TV glow and the christmas tree. Settling onto the couch, you got a slice of pizza and plated it for Jake, then another for yourself as he joined you, picking up the remote and turning it on. Once he had settled on Rudolph, you both dug into your dinners, watching the poor young reindeer be picked on.

“One year,” you began, snuggled into Jake’s side, the pizza box half empty and long forgotten once you had scooched a little closer to him. “I was so upset about how everyone treated Rudolph, I cried and cried about it. It was so bad my parents went out and got me this little Rudolph stuffed animal, so I could hug him and make him feel better.” you blushed, admitting the tale of your childhood to Jake. 

“Aww baby,” the arm he had wrapped around your shoulder pulled you tighter to him. “You’ve got such a big heart.”

“I just don’t like anyone feeling hurt or left out.” you shrugged. Jake nodded, pressing his lips to the side of your head. 

“That’s one of the many, many reasons I fell in love with you.” he murmured into your hair. “You care so much about making everyone happy, making sure they’re loved. I’ve made it my mission in life to make you feel it too.” turning your face, you pressed your lips to his before settling back into his side to finish the movie. Cleaning up once it was done, the both of you perched yourselves back at the dining room table, beginning work again and letting the hours tick by.

“Here you go, Rose, a special Christmas cookie, just for you.” you smiled as you held out the snowflake shaped dog treat you had baked early in the morning. Neither you nor Jake slept the night before, finishing your gingerbreads at around 6am. Once the bottle of riesling had been emptied, you both moved onto coffee, and come morning, were too wired to try and sleep. “For being such a good girl all year.”

“She’s a good girl every year, isn’t that right?” Sam gave Rose a few pets as she munched on the treat. “Santa Paws is definitely going to spoil her rotten.”

“I’m glad, she deserves it.” you laughed. “Can’t say much for her owner, however.”

“Hey!” Sam gasped, looking taken aback, though a smile broke his faux offense. “I was very good this year!”

“That���s not what a little birdie told me…told me all about your tour shenanigans…I think some of those were definitely naughty.”

“Like what?”

“Something about a hot tub in Spokane?”

“God dam-Danny!” Sam looked around for the tally, curly headed man at the party. “He wasn’t supposed to tell you!”

“Oh Sam,” you laughed. “I’m sure Santa will leave you something, he always does.” you winked at him, giving Rose another pet before leaving him to wrestle with his conscience. You worked your way around the party, playing the hostess with the mostess as you made sure everyone was having a great time, drinks were flowing and more importantly, gumdrops being dropped into bowls.

The dining room table had been cleaned up and reset, your gingerbread creations sat plum in the middle, the two bowls and one in the middle filled with gumdrops rested there. Around it were various hor devours, deviled eggs, charcuteries, veggie trays and more little finger foods. You had been pleased on your first go around that your bowl had seemingly more gumdrops in it than Jake’s, but as the night wore on, his steadily grew.

“Get ready to lose, my darling.” Jake mumbled in your ear, his breath scented with the tinge of whiskey and coke. “Everyone loves a chalet.”

“Oh, you’re the chalet?” Josh asked, looking up from his small plate. “I thought that was hers.” he reached into Jake’s bowl, fishing out his gumdrop and placing it into your bowl.

“Josh!” Jake scoffed. “You can’t revote once you’ve already voted!”

“Absolutely I can!” Josh proclaimed. “You guys need to label these.”

“The point is to vote for the house you like the best, not the person.” you shrugged. “But thank you for your vote.”

“Any time,” Josh winked at you before grabbing an olive off his plate and popping it in his mouth, patting you on the back as he walked away.

“That’s cheating.” Jake said, looking at you. “You should forfeit gracefully now.”

“Oh you wanna win by forfeit?” you asked, cocking an eyebrow. “That doesn’t seem like a very dignified way to win.” Jake sputtered for a few moments, trying to reason around your jab. “Doesn’t seem like winning will feel very victorious if you think one measly little gumdrop from your brother is gonna change the results…it looks like you’re winning so far anyway.”

“Okay fine,” Jake nodded. “But if I catch any more people switching their votes, I’m calling it.”

“Fine, if you catch them.” you turned quickly to leave, Jake placing his hands on his hips. 

“Wait, what’s that supposed to mean?!” 

“You’ll just have to stand there and watch the bowls all night to find out, won’t you?” you called with a sassy smirk over your shoulder. “Love you!”

As soon as Jake realized you’d just been playing with his tipsy paranoia, he rejoined the party, keeping close to you should you actually tell people to go change their votes. Eventually he forgot about it altogether when Danny started patting out a beat to the song playing, and Jake picked up one of the many guitars around the house, turning down the speaker volume as he and his brothers put on an impromptu Christmas concert.

Ending with Silver Bells, which Jake requested to play  specifically for you, Josh clapped his hands and announced it was time to see who won the gingerbread house contest. The entire party squeezed into the dining room, where his parents took the bowls to the ends of the table, pushing back platters and beginning to count out the gumdrops.

“I think Jake was right,” you muttered to Danny. “His chalet is going to win again.”

“Hey, the bowls looked pretty even.” Danny squeezed your shoulder. “And if it helps, I voted for your candy cottage.”

“It does help, thanks Danny.” you leaned into his side, giving him a squeeze before turning back to watch the counting. Once it was done, Josh pulled out a chair, stepping onto it and clearing his voice.

“Karen, what is your count for the chalet?” he gestured to his mother.

“Twenty-one gumdrops!” Karen announced. Everyone clapped and Jake looked triumphantly at you across the dining room. Josh hushed the small crowd, before gesturing to his father.

“Kelly, what is your count for the candy cottage?” Kelly looked around, letting the anticipation build for a moment.

“Twenty,” he announced. Jake’s victorious ‘yes!’ could be heard under his breath as you deflated. “Twenty FOUR!”

“What?!” you nearly screamed. “Don’t play games!”

“Twenty four gumdrops, read it and weep!” Sam had bent over, quickly counting the candies laid out in front of his father. “Candy cottage wins!” you bounced up and down excitedly, hugging Danny and anyone else who was close enough. Jake made his way around the table, holding out his hand.

“Congratulations, darlin’.” he smiled softly. “A victory well fought for.”

“Thank you.” you shook his hand, giggling as he pulled you into a hug. “It was a tough battle.” 

With the excitement of the competition being over, family and friends started to leave, only a few lingering to help clean up before making their exit. Once alone, you and Jake loaded the dishwasher and put away leftovers, and tidied up a bit, tossing out any leftover plates, napkins and cups. 

“This year's party was the best one we’ve had, I think.” Jake declared quietly, sitting down on the couch and patting the seat next to him. You were quick to fill the spot, tucking into his open arm and cuddling up. 

“I do too.” you agreed. “I love throwing this party, but I like this part even more.” Jake looked at you as if you were crazy.

“What? The part where we clean up while exhausted?

“No! The part where the last person leaves, and it’s just you and me again.” you explained softly. “Sometimes when parties like that end, it feels really sad, that all that happiness and energy is gone. But with you, it’s different. I don’t feel sad that the party ended. I feel excited because I get to have you all to myself in the quiet.”

“Hmm, I like that.” Jake smiled, showing his pearly whites. “I hadn’t thought of it that way.” you leaned up, pressing a kiss to his lips before settling back into the quiet, the glow of the christmas tree illuminating the living room. After a few moments, Jake spoke up again.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Sure.”

“I voted for your house.” you pulled back from Jake, someone who was always known to vote for himself in the competition. 

“Really?” he nodded. “Why?

“Because yours was better.” he shrugged simply. “And I wanted to see your face light up when you won.”

“Oh Jake!” you launched yourself at him, smattering kisses all over his soft face, cherishing the laughter that spilled from his lips as you did so. When you finally settled, he took your face gently in both hands before pressing one last kiss to your lips.

“Merry Christmas, darlin’”

“Merry Christmas, Jake.”

Taglist: (feel free to add yourself!)

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[justsome-di]

Andy & Syan: Modern AU (excerpt)

A delinquent breaks into her sick best friend's home. I've been writing a modern short story for my own Fairest of All Stars bc I think these funky lesbians are cool

So, Andy goes about her favorite past time—going through Syan’s stuff. There’s nothing new on her shelves and dresser but one necklace. Most likely from her mother. It’s not Syan’s style, and nothing her mother ever buys for her is. It still sits in its box on a square of cotton. The silver chain blends in with it. But a dainty gem of amethyst stands out. Bright purple against stark white. Andy will ask later if Syan wants to pawn the necklace or sell it online for twice than what it’s really worth, making up some significance about its origin or forging. They can use the money to buy junk food and nicer booze than Andy usually has in her apartment. She thinks about pocketing the necklace, but she decides against it. Syan might want to keep it after all.

Andy weaves her way to the bookshelf by Syan’s bed. Never a great reader, Syan has shelves of graphic novels and fantasy series meant for young children. Along the top shelves are rows of sheet music from years ago, never touched after high school. Andy reaches for one, but the shelf is a little too tall. There’s no stool around because Syan is tall enough that she doesn’t need things like stools. Andy stretches and gets to her toes and her fingers just barely brush the folders. She pulls one forward after snagging her finger on the edge, but instead of carefully pulling it down, it topples to the floor with three other folders. Andy grimaces at her casualties and then raises her head to see Syan staring at her, her usual frown peeking out from her pink blanket. “You’re awake!” Andy says. “Good.” She climbs onto Syan’s bed and claims a pillow about half the size of her body. “Sick?” Andy asks.

She wishes she has more capacity for outward sympathy. The way she asks if Syan is sick sounds too casual and too flippant. Anyone else, Andy wouldn’t care. Caring about people isn’t really something she has ever been good at. Syan nods pathetically, rubbing her fingers over her eyes. Like this, with her hair in a messy bun half-fallen out and with her face pale and dull, she still manages to look beautiful. Freckles line her cheeks and nose. Her eyelashes flutter as she tries waking up. The extensions she got last week are holding on strong. Andy thinks all the beauty stuff Syan gets done is a waste. Not because she doesn’t need them��which is true. Syan has a sort of freaky, ethereal beauty about her. But because they always get ruined. Her nails were manicured last week but are now jagged and uneven from their beach trip that weekend when they dug through the sand and climbed on the rocks. Her lashes never hold as long as Andy thinks they should, and she suspects Syan plucks them off herself. She gets all these expensive treatments for her hair, but ocean water washes them all away.

Syan spends her parents’ money just to spend it. She’s always resented their wealth and by extension, has always resented her parents. In retaliation, Syan buys stupid stuff and goes through continuous beauty maintenance that costs roughly the same amount as Andy’s rent every month. It’s benefited Andy more than a few times. She gets fancy dinners out of it though she never fits in at the swanky joints Syan takes her to. For her birthday one year, Syan bought her a cool antique sword. While it was supposed to be for display only, Andy and her roommate took turns swinging it around their apartment and putting nicks in their second-hand furniture. “Do you want to do any sick activities?” Andy asks. There are about a dozen sick activities they can do depending on how well Syan can move around. “We can listen to Chappell Roan.” “No.” “We can listen to Mitski.” “No.” “We can… play a video game? We can play Doom?” “No.” “What do you want?” “For you to stop asking me questions.” Syan throws her arm over her eyes. Andy rubs her own shoulder. It’s tender from a fading sunburn. The skin has started to lift and peel off, and Andy has been leaving little pieces of herself everywhere she goes like a disgusting lizard. She wiggles off the bed and continues going through Syan’s things. On her desk is her laptop for her part-time gig as an editor for musical scores. Andy doesn’t understand what she really does, but she knows that every time Syan talks about music—good music, not the shit her family has forced on her or the stuff she edits—Andy can’t look away. Syan’s face softens from its usual stone-hard roughness. Her shoulders relax, and her fingers twitch in time to the melody or time signature she’s describing. Or whatever she talks about. Andy doesn’t listen. She can’t listen. she’s always too captivated by Syan herself to focus on her words.

Next to her laptop is a rock that Andy picked up for her during their last beach outing. It looked cool to Andy with one jagged edge and a smooth body. There’s little flecks of something sparkly on the edge where it had cracked. “Do you want to watch a movie?” Andy asks. Syan doesn’t respond right away, and Andy thinks that she got her. “What movie?” Syan asks. “What do you want to watch?” Andy knows her favorite comfort movie. “The Exorcist?” Syan nods. She owns a pirated copy, ripped from Andy’s collection of MP4 files on her trusty computer. Syan wanted to buy a copy. After half-listening to Andy’s usual rant about how art should be free, how the movie made millions already, Syan had told her to burn a DVD for her (if only to get Andy to stop talking). Andy slips the disc in Syan’s DVD player and finds the remote for the flat screen TV mounted across from her bed. She climbs back into bed with Syan.

[xaviernottheprofessor]

A Drive with Chance.

Who: Xavier. Mentions of @fletchervanhall @riley-francis-moore and everyone

What: Xavier arrives in NYC but it ends up in tragedy.

Where: midtown, NYC

When: 7 PM EST

A/N: Xavier goes to NYC for work and ends up in an accident so major trigger warnings.

Leaving California this time felt different. Xavier had already started spending time with his friends and family and he had gotten used to all of that. After hugging his kids tight and cuddling Phoebe, he showered his boyfriend with plenty of kisses as a gentle reminder of how much fun they’d have once he returned in just a couple of days. He had plans to get his big tattoo, work on some writing for his paramount show, go on actually holiday to see his family and Disney was in the cards too. He had promised Riley they’d catch a few movies over the summer and Xavier wanted to spend time with his friends and their families as well. Winter and Henry had a list of their own and he knew he’d fulfill it expeditiously.

But it still felt different and Xavier had felt spoiled by the short time off he had already enjoyed. When he had fostered Winter and Henry, he was sure to adjust his contract at SNL to include a bicoastal clause that allowed him to travel on film days and write from home. As time passed and as he realized this would not be a temporary home for the kids, his kids, Xavier started to wonder if this was his last season. Or perhaps he’d hang on to the fall or only come on as a guest writer/star. He had seen others do it and eventually break out in their careers. Maybe it was his turn. With the Oscar’s, his Emmy win and Paramount deal, Xavier was starting to feel like he was gravitating toward a gig that kept him anchored at home. He had a real family now that included his children, Fletcher, and Drew. He wanted a future with them in it and he knew that in order to have that, he needed to be where they were.

“Mr. Mitchell?” The driver cleared his throat, pulling Xavier from his thoughts. “So sorry, sir. I wanted to make sure you were well. We were talking about how La Guardia has chanced and you seemed off somewhere far.”

“Sorry, Chance.” Xavier smiled and reached over to pat the driver’s shoulder. He had been with the staff at SNL for so many years that the two had grown close. “I was thinking about matters I have to get to when I get home.”

“Understood! You’re probably feeling homesick with those cute kids of yours and your little step daughter too,” the driver smiled at the red light.

“Yeah, the three of them are pretty perfect. I’m very lucky, Chance. How’s married life treating you ?”

“You are! Lena and I want to have kids as soon as possible so hopefully we will right there with you. It’s going great! Oh and thank you for the wedding gift. We are looking for a nice place in queens and Nassau border so that’ll help a lot. So is Ben Barnes gonna be proposing anytime soon, sir?” Change laughed as he decided to take an emptier route than staying on sixth Avenue. “So much traffic!”

“Summer in New York City. The oiré welcome, man! You and Lena better invite me over once you get that home.” He laughed at the Ben Barnes reference, enjoying the fact that everyone was in on the biggest Internet trolling joke in history thanks to Frankie. “Well, we’ve been together for half a year. So I don’t know about that.”

“Mm hmm mm hmm but you want him to.” Chance smirked and stopped at another red light on a tree-lined side street just blocked away from the hotel where he’d meet DJ.

“Listen. I’m a huge romantic and I know that he’s definitely the one. But time will tell. “ Xavier smiled, looking out the window and then looking up at the thunder. “Well shi—-“

There were screeches and loud sounds, the sheer panic in Chance’s voice and the seat belt wrapped around Xavier’s neck. The music in the car played in Xavier’s ears as he tried to free himself and call out for his friend. It wasn’t long before the car was dragging upside down along the road and Xavier’s face smashed against the passenger window on the other side from where he was sitting. The seatbelt pulled away and off and everything turned dark.

Chance kicked his door open, not caring about his injuries and crawled out as he witnessed people calling 911. “Xavier!” He shouted from outside the car, pleading for help from onlookers who tried to get close but the mess was too dangerous. The fire department arrived first and before he could check on his friend, Chance was pulled onto a gurney. “That’s Xavier Mitchell!” He yelled out so they knew who they were dealing with.

The Range Rover was going about 86 MPH and slammed into the passenger seat. Are you okay? What is your name? Is he alive? Do we have a pulse?

The other driver is intoxicated. Chance, is there someone we can call? Who do we call?

Blood pressure is low, take him to Weill Cornell on 68th!

[the-loveliest-lotus]

On a random Tuesday while fiddling with the radio, your OC accidentally makes contact with aliens. The signal is crystal clear. They can understand the aliens and vice versa. -What do they say? What would be something they want to communicate with another life form. -Are they likely to cut the signal and ignore the aliens? Would they tell anyone about what happened or take it to their grave? -Where do they think the aliens are calling from? If given the opportunity would they go visit the aliens? -What if the aliens are more malicious than expected? How would they go about protecting Earth? Or would they be on the aliens side?

You mean THIS George Takei gif???

It only took me 4 months to write this one. XD I haven't edited it, but, here it is in its hammy glory.

Dethklok should have been in the recording studio today, but of course, Nathan had come up with some excuse not to be in there. Rather than sit and be bewildered about the fact that the man got writer’s block more often than she could even fathom, she decided not to push the issue and mess around with a new toy that she had picked up at a vintage shop. It was an antique radio from the 1950s that matched her record player set up perfectly.

As Lucy was tuning through the FM channels, she had this strange urge to click over to AM. “Do AM stations even come in anymore?” she asked herself as she scrolled. There was a noise on the radio and she tuned it in.

“Is there anybody out there?” asked a deep voice.

“Just nod if you can hear me,” Lucy said with a little smirk.

“Is there anyone at home?” the voice answered.

The hairs on the back of Lucy’s neck stood on end, ‘No fucking way,’ she thought to herself. She swallowed and dared to press on, “Come on now, I hear you’re feeling down.”

“Well I can ease the pain and get you on your feet again,” the deep voice said back to her.

Lucy audibly gasped. She wasn’t imagining this. “What’s happening right now?”

The voice chuckled, “This is just an observer from the stars, watching over your planet and seeing what it will do next. We’ve been enjoying the music that you’ve been putting out over the last century, very catchy.”

Lucy’s voice cracked as she laughed, “You’re from…” She turned and scrambled across the room, shaking Dick awake from his post sex nap.

“What, babe, what’s-“

“Who’s there with you?” the voice asked from the radio.

“One of my partners, Dick this is uh…”

“An observer from the stars, nothing more.”

Dick fumbled to find his boxers and pulled them on, walking with Lucy back over to the coffee table where the radio was, “Observers, huh? From where?”

“From just outside the Orion nebula.”

Dick's eyebrows raised. This was legit. And yet, with all the hallucinogens that he had done over the years, it really didn't faze him.

Lucy sighed dreamily, that was one of her favorite star systems to look at, “I bet it’s beautiful being so close to those stars all the time.” She’d love to see them in person. It made her wonder if that was within the realm of Mephisto’s powers, considering the demon had his own pocket dimension.

“It is a lovely sight to wake up to every day. Though the sight would be lovelier were Earth not in the way of our view, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

Lucy and Dick looked at one another, hair standing on end on both of their necks at how casually the observer had said that.

“Yeah, real uh, real inconvenient of Earth,” Dick said. He mouthed to Lucy, ‘Call Meph.’

Lucy nodded and traced the mark on her neck and on her hip, calling one of her other partners, a demon known to some as the Blues Devil but to those whom he was close with as Mephistopheles. Lucy saw him appear and waved at him frantically to keep quiet, beckoning him to listen.

“So what exactly is it you guys are observing about Earth?”

“We’ve been watching for some time attempting to determine whether or not to level your planet for blocking our view.”

Mephisto’s eyebrows rose and he looked at the two of them.

Lucy tried to keep her voice calm, “And what have you determined?”

“We’ve determined that-“

Mephisto interrupted, “He’s determined that he still owes me 20 souls and he’s trying to get out of that deal by blowing up a planet that he’s got no jurisdiction to blow up.”

The line was quiet for a moment. “What are you going to do with 20 observer souls, Meph?”

“A bet’s a bet and you lost, I want those souls and I want them by the weekend or I’m tacking on interest. You tried to get out of it by scaring my wife and her boyfriend?”

‘Wife?’ Dick mouthed at Lucy who just shook her head and mouthed back, ‘I’ll explain later.’

“Well, we uh…” There was a hushed, irritated voice on the other line, “Why didn’t you tell me that was his wife?!” The voice came back onto the line, “We wouldn’t want to underestimate you, and we’ll make it 25 souls by the weekend, you can count on it.”

“You’d better, don’t make me chase you through the galaxy for those souls, and do not underestimate how petty I can be over a debt.”

“Understood, observers out.”

The line cut out and Lucy and Dick glanced back at Mephisto, stunned. “What-“

He waved a hand, “I got bored and broke into Area 51 last weekend.”

Lucy and Dick still stared, “And you didn’t invite us?!”

He chuckled, “Now that I know my way around, next time I’ll bring the two of you.”

The three of them spent the rest of the afternoon talking about whether or not it would be physiologically possible to trip on acid with an alien, and planning their chaotic break in adventure to Area 51.

[rangerbeads]

ficwip

fic writer asks

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again? - I broke up my multi-chapters into one-shots and shorter fics. It worked out so far! Makes it much easier to work on.

How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!) - Five. Four are published, I've got the fifth one almost ready to go. I'm hoping to have it finished before the new year, but it's... long now.

What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer? - I am really drawn to damaged characters, I like to explore them and try and bring them some peace and healing. While also doing that writer thing and poking them with a stick.

What piece of media inspired you the most? - Hannibal the TV series. That will become readily apparent later.

What fandom(s) did you write for this year? - Marvel (Blackhill) and Harry Potter (Fleurmione)

What ship(s) captured your heart? - Fleurmione!

What character(s) captured your heart? - Listen, I didn't know I liked Hermione Granger, at all. It was very surprising to all of us.

Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year? - Yes, see above. Harry Potter and Fleurmione. I even joined a Discord server!

What fic meant the most to you to write? - Ooof. It's probably still Red Sorrow, but Life Signs is really fun.

What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? - Wash Out The Salt From My Hands and this Christmas fic "My Arms Are Open" that I'm still working on.

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing? - Red Sorrow, for sure. It's so long and I'm really proud of it.

What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it? - Red Sorrow was probably the most difficult, because it's time consuming and is requiring a lot of editing work. Life Signs is also difficult, though, because it's in a new area for me.

What fic was the easiest to write? - Wash Out The Salt From My Hands.

What were your shortest and longest fics this year? - There Is Something Beneath is the shortest, Red Sorrow is easily the longest.

Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023 - Red Sorrow for Blackhill. Life Signs for Fleurmione.

What were you go-to writing songs? - According to Apple Music... Sleep Token, Bad Omens, Evanescence, I Prevail, and Asking Alexandria are my top bands. Which isn't surprising in the slightest. Top songs were Take Me Back To Eden, Euclid, Just Pretend, Alkaline, Rain. All are Sleep Token tracks except for Just Pretend... Shocker.

What were your go-to writing snacks? - I'm not much of a snacker? I like pistachios if I'm going to snack.

What was the hardest fic to title? - None of them were hard to title. I guess the Christmas one took me the longest to narrow down from my options?

Share your favorite opening line - "The pain would never end."

Share your favorite ending line - "I'll remember that."

Share your favorite piece of dialogue - Oh no, I don't think I can pick a favorite. I love all of the banter in Red Sorrow so much. Maybe "... Do you know that you look like a Star Wars villain?" in the beginning?

Share an excerpt from your favorite scene - My favorite scene of Red Sorrow hasn't been posted yet... have this one:

“So you looked up something someone said and it pulled up porn.” Maria waved a dismissive hand. “Case closed. At least now you know what NSFW stands for.”

“It’s everywhere,” Rogers said, transitioning seamlessly to his thousand-yard-stare. “Like a minefield - and that’s when people aren’t actively sending it to you! I was shocked at just how much it, just, pops up. Stark was trying to help me with the internet and social media but then I kept getting messages about thirst traps and… it spiraled.”

“Ah ha, it was Stark! Should have known.” Barton slumped back down into the couch and returned his attention to the television. “That guy lives to push buttons. Especially yours. Maybe even more so than Fury’s.”

“Maybe we should put a parental lock on Cap’s devices,” Natasha added, a familiar mischief in her eyes and that lopsided grin of hers when she looked at Maria. “Commander, can we make that happen? We really can’t have his respectability violated. Imagine if the world found out that Captain America watches porn.”

“I’ll get right on it,” Maria said and nodded gravely. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, Rogers. Rest assured that I will punish the filthy miscreant and we will make sure to protect you from smut from now on. Can’t have our paragon sullied.”

“At least he isn’t in the porn.” Clint grinned. “Yet.”

“Very funny,” Rogers said with a huff. “You’re all so hilarious.”

“We know.” Natasha groaned and turned away from the laptop. “Change of subject. Are you ready to start the questioning? Rock-paper-scissors for who goes first?”

“Excuse me! You can’t just kidnap me. I want my lawyer!”

23. Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out? - "The pain would never end. The intricate agony Bellatrix weaved for her, like the conductor of a torment symphony, reached deep, touching and torching everything. Every nerve and fiber, every stray thought, it burned through her synapses and fried her emotions, her rigid control to ash. Her torturer's masterpiece of anguish seized and strangled her lungs, stabbed through her belly, poured on her tongue and down her throat like honeyed acid. It twisted around her spine, pooled in her joints, and snapped every finger and toe." - I was trying to get the horrendous torture across without being too graphic and gory about it. As a horror fan and someone who loves a good action movie, too, I don't usually shy away from writing violence, but I wanted to be gentle here and I had to find a way to do that. I'm actually really happy with how it turned out. To me, it's much, much nicer than the more detailed version I originally had written.

24. What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story? - I had some interesting ideas pop up while I was outlining Vigilante (I haven't published that Fleurmione fic yet.) It didn't change that story so much, but I did end up going back and creating 5 other fics that will be precursors to it.

25. What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.) - I use Novel Factory to track my word counts and keep all of my details in one place. Very handy. I usually draft in Word and paste into NF when I'm finished. This is all on my laptop, unless I'm breaking down a scene or taking notes, then I use my reMarkable tablet.

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year? - When I posted a chapter of Red Sorrow and a chapter of Life Signs one right after the other! Two fics going at the same time! WILD.

27. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic? - I went to bed early LOL

28. How did you recharge between fics? - I consume a lot of media. If I'm feeling depleted I give myself permission to watch something like Brooklyn99 or a dumb slasher movie, maybe Lord of the Rings if I have the time. Just to watch something for fun instead of studying or seeking inspiration.

29. If this were an awards show, who would you thank? - Sarah, Seamount, AJ, thank you so much for reading things that I've thrown at you and finding all of my missed or incorrectly used commas. - My new friends on the Fleurmione Discord, thank you for being so welcoming. It's been a crazy year and I really appreciate you taking me in so readily!

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024? - Oooh. Okay. I want to start the Fleurmione fic "A Ghost In The Hallway Grinning," and my really fun Blackhill fic "Everyone Goes Home." I've got a lot of things outline and ready to go, just haven't had the time to knock them all out yet. I hope 2024 will be a fun and prolific year! Maybe I'll even get around to finishing a WonderCroft fic or my Supercorp fic.

[somethingvinyl]

Roxy & Elsewhere is the first live album by this iteration of the Mothers, but of course the distinction between live albums and studio ones is considerably more porous when it comes to Zappa. This is another of my absolute favorite FZ records. Each side starts with Frank talking for a bit, then launches into some of the most amazing, batshit crazy music he ever recorded. The lyrics are more absurdist fun—monster movies in Cheepnis, a disgusting bus in Pygmy Twylyte (often the song I reach for to show an uninitiated listener what Zappa is like), nostalgia in Village of the Sun, and the obvious in Penguin in Bondage. But it’s the instrumentals that are the star of the show on this one. We’ve got the vital core group: George Duke, Ruth Underwood, Tom Fowler on bass, the double attack of Chester Thompson and Ralph Humphrey on drums. (As if that isn’t enough, on some later-released tracks from these shows, Zappa goes and plays percussion in the back for a stretch, meaning four percussionists playing at a time—he was best when writing for percussion!) For extra flavor, you’ve got more Fowler brothers on horns, and the incredible Napoleon Murphy Brock on lead vocals and woodwinds. Truly the best of Zappa’s lineups.

The “Roxy” portion of the album is from the band’s December 1973 residency at the Roxy between releasing Over-Nite Sensation and Apostrophe. The “Elsewhere” portion is from early 1974–FZ had prepped a bunch of songs from the original Mothers of Invention to play a concert in honor of the first anniversary of that band forming, and he liked a couple of the renditions so much he added them to the regular set—that’s the back half of side 3.

In the very first monologue of the album, FZ says something about getting this concert on television. Of course my ears perked up hearing this for the first time 15 years ago—this was FILMED! I went searching immediately, but was disappointed: something had gone wrong with the footage and it was unusable. Zappa tried again about a year later, resulting in the television special now known as A Token of His Extreme (also worth watching). Then just a few years ago, incredible news: after years of work, they’d managed to sync the disastrously variably-speeded Roxy video with the audio, and it was released as Roxy the Movie. It’s an incredible show, but also one that left me lightly scandalized by how much studio overdubbing Zappa had done on the original album. Bruce Fowler (trumpet) WASN’T EVEN AT THE CONCERT—the only horn on the stage was Walt on trombone! But now there’s a wealth of Roxy material out there: if you like the original album, you’ve got to hear Roxy by Proxy, which collects a lot of the most essential Roxy material that wasn’t on R&E. And if you’re an obsessive like me, you can now stream the complete Roxy shows—all the nights, early set and late set, and some rehearsals. An absolute embarrassment of riches. That plus The Helsinki Concert that I mentioned in the Apostrophe post, which is from a slightly stripped down version of this ensemble and might be FZ’s single greatest recorded set…

If you’re thinking the live album is going to be the weak link in this band’s output, you haven’t heard this album. I think the stretch from Over-Nite Sensation to One Size Fits All is probably the best four-album stretch in his career, and Roxy & Elsewhere more than pulls its weight!

[blindrapture]

so, djay update. what have I been up to since I last checked in.

been watching documentaries with ellie. also the bee movie. I'd never seen the bee movie before.

I found my old Introduction to Music textbook (david d. boyden, published in like the 1950s, this is a second edition from the 70s, it's a Faber paperback!) and am back to trying to study that.

new albums I have now listened to: Camel: Mirage Fear Factory: Mechanize Phil Collins: Both Sides, No Jacket Required

stuff I had heard before but am trying to pay more attention to now: Anna Meredith: Varmints, Fibs Black Sabbath's.. everything Boards of Canada's everything before Tomorrow's Harvest Pole's everything, but I'm starting with Fading

stuff I haven't gotten to yet but keep forgetting that I haven't gotten to, therefore I need to get to: Haken: Fauna King Crimson: everything after Larks' Tongues in Aspic Liquid Tension Experiment: LTE3 disc 2. a night at the improv or whatever. Mastodon: Once More Around The Sun, Emperor of Sand, Hushed & Grim Mogwai: Come On Die Young, Rock Action, Every Country's Sun Trivium: I dunno, I have this Trivium CD that I bought several years ago and never even touched it. Ascendancy. okay but what about not music. there are things in this world that aren't music. like there's video games!

I picked up Skyrim VR when it was on sale. I'm a little shocked that all the bad reviews were exaggerating. it's literally fine. it's just Skyrim. it's got the same amount of jank that Skyrim always had. I also picked up Fallout 4 (regular fallout 4) because it was also on sale. had a good 8 hours of that, then I ran into a bug that I've gotta find a way to work around. it involves the goddamn dog. why did they add the dog? or, like, whatever, fine, add the dog, but why did they make the dog so obviously a big deal, like near the start of the game it's like "HEY HERE'S THE DOG, YOU LOVE THE DOG, HAVE THE DOG WITH YOU" and I just immediately dismiss the dog the first chance I get because I don't want to fucking play fallout with a fucking dog. anyway.

I picked up quite a few games because that steam winter sale was kinda amazing. got the Resident Evil 1 remake for some reason, got it more because it was a gamecube game I haven't played rather than anything else. and also there's this game called, what's it called, In Sound Mind? that was made by the creators of Nightmare House, and Portal: The Flash Version. I love those guys, hell yeah I want to play a new game of theirs. didn't even know it existed.

I tried Knights of the Old Republic last night. bought it years and years ago, kept meaning to get to it. I got through the very beginning, got off the spaceship, and then uninstalled the game. that gameplay is rough, and the writing... holy shit, that's what passed as Really Good Game Writing back in the day... "wow you must have hit your head on something! so my name is dave, I've been your roommate for the last two weeks, this lady here is your mother, she's known you your entire life, and here, let me give you a tutorial on how to wipe your ass and open doors." just, I'm not gonna be able to make it through an entire complex RPG with that. plus I hate the controls anyway. and I don't even like star wars!

what else.

I got back to GTA 3. the definitive edition got a pretty good update recently, the visuals look a lot nicer now. I mean, my copy's on the switch, so it's not gonna look like PS5 shit, but that's better here, GTA 3 shouldn't even try to look like that. GTA 3 looks about right on the switch. but so, I hunkered down and did a bunch of missions, and I've finally unlocked the final island now, thus opening up the whole map. I've never gotten far enough in a PS2-era GTA to open up the whole map before. really stoked about it. but uh those missions are painful. I'm following a fucking walkthrough and the missions are painful, because there's only so much a walkthrough can really prepare you for. I might stop with the campaign and just enjoy roaming the map now. and then eventually I'll give Vice City a try.

I can't really try to speak with distance on GTA, because I did literally grow up with these games. I remember when the first one was new. I was like 3. my brother got it on PS1. we liked GTA 2 a lot more. and I grew up usually watching my brothers play them, but when GTA 3 came out it was a big fucking deal. I remember we loved the radio stations so much, we'd use my brother's computer and a microphone and record our own little radio station stuff, little inserts and call-ins and advertisements. Vice City was a refinement of how good that felt, and the music was nice, and the game looked pretty, yes! but Vice City was always the least-special of the three PS2 games for me, it's the one I'm the least attached to. San Andreas was the greatest game ever. it had fucking 2-player free roam. I don't see anybody talking about that anymore, but, it did!! go to idlewood, there's a little housing unit, and in the middle of it is an icon, you walk into the middle of that icon, then press a button on a second controller, and voila! you could just roam the whole fucking map with a friend, goof off, drive cars, it was the best!!! did Vice City have that? did Vice City have fucking multiplayer??? no!!! did Vice City have three fucking cities??? and countryside??? no!!! did Vice City have Faith No More??? what did Vice City have? fucking Ray Liotta!!! who gives a shit about Ray Liotta and his robotic laugh-face!!! I rest my case!

so!

actually trying to play through the PS2 GTA games is like unfinished business for me. I want to unlock the whole maps so I can earn my goofing off.

what.. what else.

I played through Half-Life Alyx. this was my first time actually playing it through by myself, no dev commentary, and no brother rushing me through the puzzles and spoiling my time. just me and City 17. giving me time to enjoy the game, and interpret it in new ways. I found some parallels with the Inferno this time. there's even a fucking Beatrice, who isn't even there, just like in the Inferno. and a satan chained up in the deepest pits of hell. and Portal 2 had the whole Prometheus allegory going on, so Valve have done that kind of thing before. I think Alyx is an Inferno thing. Russel is your Virgil. the headcrab zombies are lost souls suffering twisted torture. even the combine soldiers are lost souls in a way. Half-Life Alyx is a very very good game. kinda one of the best games ever made, and I think it'll only age gracefully.

yeah.

let's end it here.

[dfroza]

can i be a writer who makes a difference in anyone’s heart & spirit?

can this form of pouring out be my sacred “work” here on garden earth?

fully trusting in the compensation of Heaven’s gifts and friendship that never ends…

i have tried other forms of work but none have been aligned with my True self as this inner [blueprint] design

but will anyone care to notice, to truly “listen” from deep within?

this is what i dream to become

And it is the creation of a “seed”

i am not searching for gold that doesn’t last, something that fades away to nothing

i want to come across something eternal in nature (like heavenly streets and the new Jerusalem as a promise made to be kept)

and i certainly don’t need to call out loud from my mouth to get anyone’s quiet inner attention span

(when i am a book held in the hands accompanied by earth’s music and even the singing stars of the night sky… instrumentally “speaking” to us of our Creator’s design)

and this can make years of passing traffic noise obsolete

but it is all worth it, all the (Waiting) in the in-between and the writing to illuminate the treasure i found as a point of rebirth.

(inside, Anew)

for this is my résumé painstakingly written down as a personal diary of thought spanning decades of time, and even my whole lifetime

and it is the direction (the path i chose to follow) in my dream

(to be…)

just as Santiago followed the path of his dream in the Alchemist story, eventually finding “real” treasure, at least on the authored pages, yet as a book it has sold many millions of copies for others to see (to take the time, to choose, to pick, to willingly read a book)

just as our beautiful mysterious Creator has done with the Spirit-inspired writing of the Scriptures as an invitation into Son Light

and the “timelessness” of the eternal [here, & now]

and of course Santiago did cross paths with a woman which was a beautiful thing, also having an inner “dialogue” with God who helped make sense of it all, the whole journey

from the start to the finish line

(which was at the original starting line)

just as this writing from the instrumental womb of thought

A simple Tuesday:

i typed this letter sitting outside Today, the 4th of june 2024, with a wonderfully fresh gusano and concha (Spanish for “caterpillar” and “shell”) from Bakery Margo (the real “wonder” bread) accompanied by gas station coffee from meijer express across the street at the corner of First and Stocking in Grand Rapids (where i was born and conceived to be)

Today is the 78th day of Astronomical Spring as a mirroring of the alphabetic number 78 of the word “genesis”

(A point of beginning)

and it is warm again as the 4th day of meteorological Summer

i am “applying” to be known by someone’s heart as a genesis seed.

sending out a clear invitation made known in instrumental writing & birdsong

(i’ll eventually write my way into someone’s beautiful heart)

do you see (view clearly) the night sky as A silent “proposal” of friendship?

(even to be seen as words written down in a real book, also “mirrored” on an illuminated screen)

[beamorgan]

Keep records!

I'll preface this by saying it's very annoying to be told that the thing you should do with your minimal energy is waste it on a useless activity like keeping an activity diary. 1) yes, it does suck to waste your energy on that 2) it's not actually a waste in the long run, I promise and 3) when you get enough practice, you might not need to write it down anymore, your ability to judge it will become much more instinctive

so. how to actually do this? there are loads of different ways. Here are a few I've tried over the years (I've been doing this so long that I'm usually in the 'instinctive' group, but occasionally my energy levels or my activities get a bit of a shake up and I have to go back to basics)

First, rate your energy

loads of ways to do this. there's the classic spoons approach - how many spoons do you have today? quantify it. Rate it out of 10. Go RottenTomatoes style with a percentage - is it a 50% day? a 30% day?

This can be very hard to judge. Nothing made me want to scream more than when I would visit my ME/CFS doc and she'd ask me to quantify how I'd felt recently. But it is really useful to a ballpark idea of how much energy you feel like you've got available, because that's the first step in learning how much energy you've actually got.

Now that you've got three stars on the sticker chart or a stick figure drawn with a mostly flat mouth but it's curving up a little bit on one side (you don't have to rate your energy with numbers if that doesn't work for you!), it's time to track your activity.

Again, loads of ways to do this. A selection:

Traffic Light System

This is classic, and the very first version of this I ever tried. Activity is split into three categories --

Low energy (green) - these require little to no energy output from you. Doing them either makes you feel the same, or better. They might be: stretches in bed. listening to music. brushing your teeth while sitting down. watching youtube playthroughs. reading a book, in print or audiobook. sitting outside in the sunshine. making a cup of your prefered beverage. having a bath. cuddling a pet.

Medium energy (orange/yellow) - these require a fair amount of energy output from you. Doing them tires you out, and you may need to rest or switch to a green activity afterwards. They might be: taking a shower standing up. cooking a dinner involving veg preparation. calling a friend for a chat. a short stroll down the road. watering your plants. changing a lightbulb. playing a videogame. knitting. checking your emails.

High energy (red) - these take most or all of your energy. They might be the only thing you really do that day. Afterwards you might need to nap or go straight to bed or generally lock yourself in a dark room away from other people. They might be: going for coffee with a friend. doing your physio exercises. a day out to the aquarium. cooking for a dinner party. taking a walk. a therapy session. changing your bedlinen. writing fanfic. trying a new hobby. going to a new place that you're not sure will be accommodating (remember to account for stress while categorising!)

What activities go in each category will be very different for everyone. You've just got to know how it works for YOU. It can also be useful to work out how many orange/yellow activities=a red activity. Can you do two oranges with the energy you need for a red activity? four oranges?

Spoons

Another classic. How many spoons does it take to do A Thing? I find this really useful for when literally everything takes your energy. A bath is one spoon. Brushing your teeth is two spoons. Showing standing up is four spoons. Cooking a microwave dinner is seven spoons, including standing up between stirs.

Monitor post-extertional malaise

This is another one that requires quantifying how you feel after doing an activity. You can think of it like keeping your eye on the health bar in a video game (I don't play videogames, that may be a very incorrect analogy).

The question: How much did that take out of me?

You can measure this in recovery time: you need to lie down for half an hour. you needed a two hour nap. you needed a full night sleep. you needed two days of low activity.

You can measure this whatever rating system you used in the first step. This took three spoons from the day's total. This took two stars. The smiley face became a half-frown. You lost 40%.

(Another thing that's useful information is how long it takes for the consequences to hit? My post exertional malaise is WORSE on the second day after high activity than it is on the day after. I don't really know the cost of something until day 2.)

There are other ways of measuring this stuff out there. Chat with other chronically ill and disabled folks, we all come up with our own tricks, these are just the simplest ones I've personally tried.

Now comes the maths. Don't be scared, it doesn't have to be real maths, we just need to know

How much can you do with X energy?

On a 40% day, can you do two orange activities and an unlimited number of green ones?

On a kinda smiley face day, can you spare four spoons for washing/eating and two spoons for something fun like watching TV?

On a four star day, how long can you be around friends before you need a nap?

These are all patterns that become clear the more data you have.

You don't have to do this with everything

If you know exactly how much your hygiene routine takes out of you, you can take that as a baseline and just kind of ignore it. This was the first thing I stopped tracking way back when, and I haven't done it since.

Make a plan

If you're a scheduler, take a moment early in the day to work out how much energy you've got and what you need/want to do that day. Plan in breaks for rest or green activities. (I have a tiny whiteboard that I use to make a plan for each day, broken down by the hour).

LIFE HAPPENS. THROW OUT THE PLAN IF NECESSARY. MAKE A NEW ONE IF YOU CAN

If you go by vibes or whatever, there are still ways to keep track on the fly. If you're out an about, keep notes or a tickbox list of available spoons on your phone. Have green/orange/red bracelets that you move from one wrist to the other when they get 'used up.' If you, like me, don't really leave the house, keep a tally or star chart throughout the day as you use up your energy reserve (I also love my tiny whiteboard for this).

If something can have a wildly variable impact, I'd recommend accounting for the highest possible toll. If that's how it goes, you've made sure you're not pushing beyond your limit. If it didn't take that much out of you, yay, you've got spare energy. Use it as wisely or as unwisely as you wish

Finally,

YOU DESERVE REST

Whether or not you take any of this (possibly unsolicited) advice, or if you think I should fuck off while you wallow actually (fair, chronic illness and energy limitations are a bastard), YOU DESERVE REST.

I know it's hard to internalise. I know the resentment and guilt and shame and everything else is waiting to whack you with a mallet the moment you take your foot off the gas. But the only way through is, ironically, to sit down for a bit. Have a nap. Pick one of those green activities to enjoy in the meantime, before you've recharged enough for orange or red.

Also, EVEN IF YOU MISJUDGE IT AND YOUR ENERGY BANK GOT OVERDRAWN (this metaphor is still being workshopped) YOU STILL DESERVE REST. EVEN IF YOU "DID THIS TO YOURSELF." I DON'T CARE. HAVE A NAP.

I hope literally any of this has been helpful.

Sincerely, the 12+ years I've spent in these trenches with you.

Story of my life 🙄😅