#i tried to provide a lot of variety in it so !! that's why it's quite random (^:

[hugmekenobi]

S3: The Bad Batch (8)

Chapter Eight: Bad Territory

Gif by @rebekadjarin

Hunter x femaleJedi!reader

Series Summary: Ever since Eriadu, Clone Force 99 had been a fractured squad. Months have passed but you're finally back with the Batch but Omega is still out there and you won't stop until you find her again.

Chapter Summary: The group is divided, each side with a mission of their own to follow

Masterlist for S1 and S2

<Previous Chapter

Genre: Friends (idiots) to Lovers (we're in the lovers stage now)

Chapter Warnings: Canon-typical violence, swearing, angst, fluff, limited (y/n), Crosshair feeling left out, me making up how the Force can work/be used, more dancing around M-count things, and me making up a rough timeline

Word Count: 5.2K

Author's notes: Not gonna lie, I struggled a lot with this one for a variety of reasons but I hope people still like it! Thank you @burningfieldof-clover for your much needed and valued assistance during this!

Pabu

Omega sat on the steps of the Marauder anxiously tapping her boot as she stared at her commlink.

“You know staring at your comm won’t make Echo contact you any faster.” Crosshair told her as he approached.

Omega got to her feet with a sigh. “He and Rex lost most of their squad in that attack. All because the Empire was after me and (Y/N). I have to do something to help them.”

“You are. Follow (Y/N)’s example and keep staying away.” Crosshair said.

“Wow, I’ve never been used as a positive example before.”

Omega turned to see you and Hunter standing in the doorway of the Marauder.

“Crosshair’s right. We need to know more about why Hemlock’s after you and what his M-count experiments mean.” Hunter added. “Until then, you both have to lay low.” He said with a firm look at the two of you.

Hey, Omega is the priority here, not me.

“Don’t start with that.” Hunter chastised. “It’s a high chance that Hemlock being after Omega means he’s after you too, especially if M-counts are involved somehow.”

We don’t know that he’s after me specifically, I’ve always just had issues with any Imperial official. I’m more of a general Imperial threat. Me getting captured, I could wind up anywhere.

“That’s a very reassuring thought, thank you.” Hunter muttered sarcastically.

Besides, even when I handed myself in, I wasn’t sent to Tantiss so I might not even be on his radar since he seems to be looking for clones and not Jedi to test on. Omega is the one we know for sure that Hemlock is after.

“Hey! Incoming transmission. From Phee!” Wrecker came to tell the rest of you.

To be continued. You placed a chaste and pacifying kiss to his lips before you headed towards the cockpit.

“No, not to be continued, you’re laying low the same way Omega is!” Hunter called to your retreating figure before he too headed back in.

“They were arguing, and I didn’t hear a single word she said?” Crosshair as the two of you walked back inside.

“Hmm?” Omega stopped patting Batcher and then understood his question. “Oh that! You mean she hasn’t tried it with you yet?” Omega asked curiously. She’d honestly barely noticed the interaction; she was so used to moments like that now.

“Tried what?” Crosshair asked.

“It’s a Jedi communication thing.” Omega tried to explain but that was really all she could provide. “I don’t quite understand how it works but she does it with the rest of us. I’m sure if you asked her, she’d be able to do it to you too.”

“Right.” Crosshair said hesitantly, unsure as to what he could’ve done to make you think you couldn’t trust him with that. But he pushed that to the back of his mind for now before inquiring, “And Phee?”

“She’s a liberator of ancient wonders.” Omega said with an appropriate amount of showmanship.

Crosshair just stared at her unamused and not playing into the mystery she was trying to create.

“Pirate. She’s a pirate.” Omega admitted with a sigh.

How you lot had managed to make allies with a pirate was something he found himself wishing he’d been there to witness.

--

Wrecker put the transmission through.

“Hey Phee.” Omega said warmly.

“Hey kid.” Phee replied.

“What do you got for us?” Hunter asked.

“I’ve been asking around about this M-count thing, which hasn’t been easy, by the way. Tech’s brain was the data bank, not mine.”

The grief you were in constant battle with asked for another way in, but you let is wash over you as Phee continued to speak.

“But I came through. As always.”

“And what did you find out?” You asked.

“Word is, certain class one bounty hunters have been retrieving M-count target for the Empire.”

Again, you ruminated in your thoughts over this. Omega couldn’t have a high M-count, not in the way the Empire seemed to want, you’d know if she did. And it was all to do with clones, so it had to be something about their DNA specifically. “A high M-count signifies Force user potential. But that’s not got anything to do with you.” You added hastily as you saw Omega’s look of excitement. “So, why else would they need her if she has one?” You asked Phee.

“Don’t know. You’re better off asking a bounty hunter.” Phee replied.

“We have run into a few.” Hunter revealed.

“What about Fennec?” Omega suggested.

“Who?” Crosshair asked.

“Fennec Shand.” You said, your feelings about her made very clear by the distaste in your voice. “She was hired by Kaminoans to abduct Omega. Tried to pick me up along the way.”

“She might know something.” Omega said.

“She’s dangerous, but it might be our only option.” Hunter agreed and she definitely a better option compared to Cad Bane.

“I can probably track Fennec down for you.” Phee said. “But she’s not gonna hand over that information for free.”

“Naturally.” You and Crosshair said in the same wry tone.

But as he said that you, Hunter, and Omega noticed the way his hand began to tremor despite Crosshair’s efforts to stop and hide it.

“I gotta split. I’ll get back to you.” With that, Phee ended the transmission.

“Yeah, I don’t like it.” Wrecker said nervously to Hunter. “We can’t trust Fennec. Not around those two.”

“Agreed. You and I will go alone.”

“But-” Omega protested.

“Hold on-” You began to argue.

“This isn’t a debate.” Hunter said definitively. “Stay on Pabu and stay out of trouble. All of you.” He said to the three of you.

“Fine by me.” Crosshair drawled before he left the ship.

Hunter addressed the two of you once he’d gone, concern in his voice. “See if you can convince him to get his hand looked at. Ignoring it won’t make the problem go away.”

--

You walked back to the ship as you saw Hunter and Wrecker getting ready to depart.

“I already told you no.” Hunter said as you stood on the bottom of the door staircase.

“Hunter-”

“You and Fennec have a score to settle and I’m not going to tempt her with it. What we need to know is more important than that.”

“I know that but she’s dangerous and I don’t see how having someone else there to help would be such a bad idea.” You disputed.

Hunter went for another tact, “Did you hear Phee say the phrase ‘high M-count targets?’ ”

You ground out a sigh, “Yes.”

“And don’t you have one?”

“Yes, but I-”

“Did you hear that bounty hunters are being used to retrieve them?”

You shot him an exasperated look. “Yes.”

“Do you see where I’m going with this?”

You exhaled a defeated breath. “Yes.” You begrudgingly acknowledged.

“Good.” He came down a couple steps and placed both hands on your shoulders as he kissed your forehead. “We’ll be careful.”

“Yeah, you better.” You threatened but with a caring smile on your face. “I’ll see you soon.” You hopped off the stairs and watched the ship take off.

--

You rejoined Omega and Crosshair who were standing by the Wheeping Maya tree. “Sooo, what do we want to do today? Walk around, go for a boat ride, chill by the beach and talk about our feelings?” You broached casually. You couldn’t get away with making him sit down and push him into doing something about his hand- Omega had the better shot of using an approach like that. What you were doing fit the rhythm you and Crosshair had before everything in the galaxy went to shit.  

Crosshair ignored your suggestions. “You can help me train.” He said as he grabbed his rifle.

Omega glanced up at you to see if you wanted to say anything yet, but you only shook your head as you both followed him down to the beach cove.

--

“How’d you want to handle this?” Omega asked as Crosshair started prepping his scope.

I’ll open the door for you. Give us a few minutes.

--

“Target practice or hand-to-hand?” You asked as you reached him.

“Target.” Crosshair with a hard stare at you, warning you against any further unrelated conversation.

“I’m here to help as you requested.” You raised your hands in surrender, “I only ask because the most recent time you tried hand-to-hand; you got your ass handed to you.” You taunted as you made your way to your position and removing your lightsaber from your belt. “Now remember, the goal is to aim for me which finding the motivation for shouldn’t be too difficult.” Omega, when you hear the blaster fire stop, you’re up.

You weren’t facing him when you sensed the shot that was being aimed for the middle of your back. You ignited your lightsaber and blocked it on the half turn. “Hey, that was good!” You called back. “More like that and I might actually have to try!” You got into your stance and waited.

Crosshair heaved a sigh as he set himself again.

--

You disengaged your blade to signal that it was time to stop, and you lightly jogged over to where Crosshair was waiting. “Twenty shots, but only eleven I had to actually dodge or block… you really gotta sort that out, it’s not like you.”

Crosshair glared at you, “I forgot how annoying you were to train with.”

“Oh, I’m just the warmup.” You said with a knowing grin. “She’s the real challenge.” You nodded past his shoulder.

Crosshair followed your eyes, and he gulped as he saw Omega walking towards with gritty determination on her face. He already knew exactly how this was going to go.

--

Finding Fennec Shand hadn’t been very difficult, the hardest part now was getting her help without giving too much away.

“So, what kind of information can I help you with?” She asked, relaxing into the booth but she saw the wary look the two clones shared with each other. “See, the way this works is you tell me what intel or target you’re after, and I give you a price. So stop wasting my time.”

“We hear the Empire has a bounty out for M-count targets.” Hunter replied tentatively.

Fennec adjusted her posture. “Why do you wanna know about that? You trying to find your girl?” She looked at the helmeted clone who visibly tensed at her words. She sipped her drink. “She’s been quite the busy Jedi, nice price on her head too.”

“The why is our business.” Hunter said stiffly.

Fennec let the evasion slide and shrugged as she lounged back once more. “I haven’t done one of those jobs myself, but… I might know someone who has.”

“Can you put us in touch with them?” Hunter requested.

“Now that will definitely cost you.”

“How much?”

“More than you’ve got. But we might be able to work something out.” She took another gulp of her drink. “I’ve read your files from before.” She addressed the bigger clone, “You’re good with demolitions and ordnance, right?”

“Ha! ‘Good’? I’m the best.” Wrecker boasted proudly.

“And you’re the tracker.” Fennec said to the other one.

“What’s your point?” Hunter questioned warily.

“There’s a bounty I’ve been trying to bring in. Worth a lot. But he’s been hard to catch without a crew.”

“Oh, so you want us to work with you?” Wrecker sussed out.

“No. You’ll be working for me.” Fennec corrected. “You follow through, I’ll get you what you want to know.”

Hunter barely debated the situation in his head. Getting the information was all that mattered. “Deal.”

Fennec nodded and grabbed her stuff. “We’ll use my ship. And so we’re clear… I keep the payment on the bounty. All of it.”

--

Omega sat next to Crosshair whilst you crouched by Batcher’s side, absentmindedly petting the hound as AZ finished scanning Crosshair’s hand.

“How does your hand feel now?” AZ inquired.

“The same.” Crosshair grunted dejectedly as he massaged it with his good hand.

“Unfortunately, it may never heal 100%.”

“There’s nothing else you can do?” Omega appealed.

“I have exhausted all the medical treatment options. Perhaps the issue is not something physical.” AZ theorised.

“You think it’s in my head?” Crosshair hissed angrily.

“If you were to elaborate more on the experimentation you were subjected to, I could determine the cause.”

“Forget it.” Crosshair snapped as he shoved past the droid.

You jumped to your feet attempted to catch his arm, but he shrugged you off.

“Crosshair?” Omega called out to him as he left but he didn’t look back.

“If he won’t talk about it, I’m not sure how else we can help him.” You pondered anxiously.

“I have another idea.” Omega said. “But you need to be there too.”

--

“We’re working for her now? We don’t even trust her.” Wrecker whispered as he and Hunter stood in the back of Fennec’s ship. It wasn’t like Hunter to not think through the dangers of taking a job like this on.

“What choice do we have? We need that information. Just be ready for anything.” As soon as Hunter said that the door slid open, and Fennec appeared.

“We made a deal. I’m going to keep it as long as you hold up your end.” Fennec reminded the clones.

“Wanna tell us who it is we’re going after?” Hunter asked.

Fennec brought out the puck and activated the image. “Sylar Saris. ‘The Slayer od Ordo Eris’. One of the slipperiest marks around. Got a tip on his location.”

“Well, what did he do?” Wrecker asked.

“Hmm. Got greedy. Took out a couple top bosses for the Haxion Brood and escaped with a cache of credits. Powerful people want him found. The other hunters that went after him? Never came back.” She waited half a second before continuing, “Sylar knows the planet like the back of his claw. But eventually, everyone’s luck runs out.” Fennec turned off the puck as she finished the brief and retreated to the pilot seat.

--

You watched the line of fruit on the rock ahead as Crosshair raised his rifle, but his hand was still trembling, so his shot skimmed the top of the fruit he had been aiming for. You had thought a degree of normalcy was what he needed but now it was time for both you and Omega to push him- even a little bit. “That was close.” You said encouragingly.

“Close doesn’t count. It’s either a hit or miss.” Crosshair replied sharply.

“You’re still more capable than most.” Omega said with a soothing touch of his arm.

Crosshair only sighed and sat with his back against the rock. “That’s not good enough for a sniper.”

You and Omega both hopped up on the rock.

“Have you ever considered that AZ might be right?” You proposed slowly, your voice kind and gentle. You knew how hard accepting help with something like this could be and it couldn’t be rushed into.

“Whatever they did to you on Tantiss could’ve affected you more than you realise.” Omega backed up the suggestion in a similar tone.

“No. No, no. It’s not in my head.” Crosshair disagreed.

“Just because there’s nothing AZ can do, doesn’t mean your hand can’t get better.” Omega said as she placed a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you’re the one who has to fix it.”

Crosshair considered it. “How?”

“I’m glad you asked.”

Crosshair glanced over at you to see a familiar scheming smile on your face but there was a kindness to your eyes that told him you weren’t messing around with this. “I’m not gonna like it, am I?”

You and Omega shared a smile, “You don’t like anything.” You two said in unison as you left the rock.

“True.” Crosshair conceded with a sigh as he got to his feet.

--

The light was all but gone and between the toxic swamp air, the mines in the river, and the gators that attacked them, it had already been a trying journey and things weren’t getting much better since Hunter couldn’t get a proper read on the current anymore.

“Well, tracker? Which direction?” Fennec asked as she slowly steered the hired boat.

“The currents are too calm to tell.” Hunter admitted reluctantly.

“Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you guys aren’t cut out for this job.” She said irritably.

“Oh. You think you could do better without us?” Wrecker challenged.

“I wouldn’t be doing any worse.”

“Well, (Y/N) got the best of you and even Omega managed to get away.”

“Apparently, they both got away from you too.” She watched as that clearly hit a mark with both of them. “So what happened? I know what your girl’s been up to, tracker, but what went down for her to get to that? And how’d you lose the kid?”

“What’s it to you?” Hunter deflected coldly as he pulled out his macro’s and searched ahead for any sign of Sylar’s safehouse.

“Just seems odd. You’re both willing to work for me, considering our past. That information must really be important to you.”

Hunter said nothing. He feared that anything he would say would give something more away.

“And just so you know, I didn’t lose Omega. I let her go when the bounty was called off.” Fennec informed them.

“By who?” Hunter asked, turning to look at her.

“The client. They thought Omega would be safer with you guys. Guess they were wrong about that.” She glanced between them both. “And your Jedi wasn’t worth the trouble since there wasn’t a set bounty on her at the time. Though, if I saw her again, with the price on her head that might change.” Fennec couldn’t help but goad. She scoffed as she saw the helmeted glare from the tracker.

“I guess you’ll work for anybody as long as you get paid.” Wrecker said with a hint of disgust.

“Good guys, bad guys. Their money is all the same.” Fennec said breezily.

“Well, money’s not everything.” Hunter said.

“That’s cause you don’t have any.”

Hunter couldn’t respond to that because there was nothing to argue against. He simply brought his binoculars back and scanned the water. “Someone came through here. Veer starboard up ahead.”

--

‘Slippery mark’ had been right. They’d been able to find his hideout but actually subduing Sylar had proven a far more difficult feat than anticipated.

In the end, it had taken a team effort from the three of them to knock out the insectoid and even then, it had taken four stun blasts to successfully managed it.

Wrecker released a breathless groan as he stepped over the target. “You were right to bring us along.”

“I’m always right. Grab him and let’s go.” Fennec instructed.

--

“If this is a Jedi technique, how is this going to help me?” Crosshair asked dubiously as he saw you and Omega sit cross-legged with your hands on your knees on a rock facing out to the sea, the orange sunset giving the water a warm purple hue.

“One, it’s not solely a Jedi technique because, as you can see, Omega does it.” You pointed out.

“But-”

“Two, I’m also out of practice so we can both learn together. Come and sit down.” You encouraged, patting the space between you and Omega.

Crosshair reluctantly mirrored both your positions. “So, this technique…”

“Mediation.” Omega reminded him. “It’ll help you heal. Not just your hand, but your mind too.”

“I doubt that.” Crosshair tried to follow the example of you two, but he couldn’t quiet his mind and his hand had started to shake again. He inhaled sharply as he felt Omega take a hold of it and turn it so that his palm was facing up.

You closed your own eyes and spoke calmly. “You need to breathe. Take slow, deep breaths and find your centre. Focus on yourself and what you’re feeling and accept it. Let it pass through you and don’t run away from it.” You guided him as you followed your own advice and found yourself becoming one with the living Force around you.

“And don’t compare yourself to her. It works slightly differently.” Omega told him.

Crosshair glanced at you from the corner of his eye to already see that you were completely at peace, and it looked like nothing could ever bring you out of it. “Where did you learn this? Did she teach you?” He asked Omega.

Omega kept her eyes shut as she replied, “No, she hadn’t done it until after I picked it up from my friend Gungi, and the other Wookies on Kashyyyk. But she helped me with it thereafter. I think she needed that moment again too.”

“You’ve been to Kashyyyk?”

“Uh huh.” Omega took another deep inhale and exhale. “You’ve missed a lot.”

“I know.” Crosshair realised.

“Now, close your eyes and focus.” Omega repeated.

Crosshair did as you both suggested and let go.

--

“Pleasure doing business with you.” Fennec said as the clone departed her ship.

“Hang on.” Hunter turned on his heels. “You promised us information.”

“I didn’t say I had it on me, but I’ll get it. Ater I deliver Sylar to my client.”

“That’s not what we agreed on.” Hunter growled.

“You can either fight me or trust me. Take your pick.”

Hunter shared a look with Wrecker but decided it wasn’t worth the risk.

“Good choice.” Fennec before she stepped into her ship and brought the ramp up.

Hunter and Wrecker could only watch her ship leave the station hangar. Having to trust the word of a bounty hunter was not the ideal situation they wanted to be or leave in.

--

Fennec put through the transmission and addressed the hologram.“I just finished a job with some clones. They were asking about the Empire’s M-count bounties. What can you tell me?” She digested the muffled chatter that came in response. “I’m sure you can find them easily enough. I’ll send you what I have.”

--

“(Y/N)? (Y/N), we’ve finished.” Omega shook your shoulder. “Come back.”

You jolted back to the current moment. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything is fine. Just wanted to tell you that Wrecker and Hunter are back.” Omega said as she stood back up. “How was it this time?” She asked you.

You exhaled deeply. “Better but I could still feel my focus drifting more than it used to.” Plus, no matter how often you trained in it, you had never gotten to see your master again and you were beginning to think it had been a one-time deal. If what you needed to talk to him again was to reach a certain level of emotional turmoil, you wouldn’t want to get to that place again. “How was it for you?”

“It was good.” She replied cheerily before she set off to meet up with Hunter and Wrecker, Batcher close at her heels.

“How’d it go?” You asked Crosshair as you got to your feet.

“Eh, I still don’t get it.” Crosshair grunted in reply.

You smiled understandingly at him. “It gets easier.”

“I know, I’ll keep trying.” He took a step in the direction Omega had gone but your voice stopped him.

“I’m not talking about the meditation.” You said softly as you grabbed his shoulder to turn him to face you. “I’m talking about dealing with whatever it was that happened to you.”

Crosshair cast his eyes to the ground. “I can’t tal-”

“Believe me, I understand how hard it can be to recount experiences like that, so I don’t expect you to, not any time soon. The second you wanted to; I would be there but that’s not what I’m saying right now.” You reassured him.

Crosshair regarded you carefully. “Then- then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that whatever you’re feeling, whatever memories in your head that are so fresh it feels like they’ll haunt you forever, it’s okay to feel them. And, while they may never go away entirely, it does get easier.” You looked at him with warm sincerity. “Just don’t bury them because that’s when they’ll eat you alive.”

Crosshair’s eyes widened slightly at your words as he recognised the place you were coming from, and he was grateful for them.

“Or not dealing with them can lead to reckless and damaging decisions that get your face slapped on every Imperial noticeboard across the Outer Rim. Take your pick.” You joked to lighten the mood again.

Crosshair managed a smile at that.

You patted his shoulder. “I meant what I said though, it gets better. We’re all here for you.” You started to walk away to see Hunter and Wrecker to find out what information they got from Fennec.

“Omega mentioned a Jedi communication thing you do?” Crosshair said to your back.

“Yeah, I do it with all of them.” You called back over your shoulder.

“All?”

“Uh huh.” You said casually before you stopped in your tracks as you realised what he was getting at. You swivelled around again, “Oh! Yeah! I can do that to you whenever you want!”

“But you haven’t.” Crosshair countered as he walked over to you.

You shrugged. “You said you needed time to adjust, and I didn’t want to freak you out.” You replied simply. “I wasn’t conspiring to keep it from you, I just didn’t want to assume anything.”

“If you still don’t trust me, I-”

You rolled your eyes. “Would you shut up; I just said it was because I thought you needed more time. Do you want me to do it with you too?”

Crosshair shifted on his feet. He didn’t like the position he suddenly found himself in, it felt rather pathetic.

“It’s a simple yes or no, come on, we have places to be.”

“I’m sure Hunter can last ten minutes without your mouth attached to his.”

“Okay, see now you’re just pissing me off.” You tossed your hands in the air and went to turn away.

“Yes.” Crosshair grumbled. He’d already missed out on so much and he didn’t want this to be yet another thing.

“That wasn’t too hard, was it?” You drolled. “Give me your hands.”

“Why?” Crosshair asked suspiciously.

“Because I’m actually in love with you.” You jibed flatly as you shot him a look of exasperation.

Crosshair rolled his eyes at you. “Gross.”

“Sometimes it helps when it’s a first connection, especially when I haven’t been around someone for quite a while.”  You explained. You held yours out and waited expectantly.

Crosshair hesitantly complied- both hands steady this time- and watched you intriguingly.

“Fair warning, it can feel a bit weird.” You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You reached into his Force signature, and it was what you expected. It was barbed and you could feel a resistance- a wall- to it. But there was also vulnerability, a longing for growth and acceptance, that wanted to let you in and that was what you appealed to. When you felt that the connection was there, you opened your eyes and looked at him. Now, can we go see your brothers please?

“Okay, that’s really fucking weird.” Crosshair said as you let go of his hands.

Hey, you asked. You grinned at him before the two of you officially set off to go meet the ship.

--

One week later

“Any word?” Omega asked as she and Crosshair stepped into the Marauder. They’d been mediating by the Maya tree and decided to come check in. The news that Fennec didn’t have any immediate information to offer had been disappointing and each day that went by without any communication only let that disappointment grow.

“Nothing.” Wrecker groused.

“Fennec never told us how long she’d take.” Hunter admitted before he noticed you weren’t with them. “Where’s-”

“Don’t know. We thought she was with you.” Crosshair said as he placed a toothpick in his mouth.

“You’ve not seen her all day?” Hunter double-checked. He’d seen you when you’d woken up but then you’d left, and he and Wrecker had been on the ship for most of the day.

“No, we haven’t. Batcher must be with her too.” Omega guessed since the hound hadn’t been with them and wasn’t anywhere on the ship.

Hunter mulled this over in his head. This isolation you were now putting yourself in since you’d heard the news about Fennec’s lack of information was beginning to become a real habit.

“Three seconds. That’s all it took for you to decide to go find her.” Crosshair teased, earning a snicker from Wrecker in the process.

“Shut up.” Hunter mumbled as he left the ship.

--

You had been aimlessly wandering the shoreline, occasionally chucking a stick Batcher had found for her to chase.

The Empire,

Omega,

M-count,

Jedi,

Clones,

The Empire,

Omega,

M-count,

Jedi,

Clones…

You ran that list over and over again in your head but couldn’t see the connection. The Jedi were dead and hated by the Empire- what could they need that M-count for? Omega wasn’t Force sensitive and neither were any other clones but that was Hemlock’s main test subject choice. So, what was it about an M-count in clone genetics that mattered so much? What were you overlooking? A demanding bark pulled you out your thoughts and you saw Batcher had dropped the stick at your feet and was waiting expectantly.

“Tell me, Batcher, what am I missing?” You crouched down and held the sides of her face in your palms and smiled at the hound. “Tell me, girl!” You laughed as she let out an affectionate whine and licked your cheek.

“You know, it might help to share your theories with someone who can actually talk back?”

“Uh oh, the tracker found me.” You said as you scratched her jaw before you glanced past her with an affectionate look to the clone walking towards you. “And how’d do you know she doesn’t?” You disputed light-heartedly as you stood up taller.

“You’re right, I don’t.” Hunter played into the joke as he reached you before he turned more serious. “What’s going on, sweetheart?”

“Nothing.” You said dismissively.

Hunter just stared at you with a knowing look on his face. “Don’t do that, don’t shut me out. You’re not keeping to yourself for no reason.”

You remembered your own advice to Crosshair and swallowed tightly. “It’s right in front of my face, Hunter. I should know why this M-count matters for Omega but it’s not clicking and it’s driving me insane!” You rubbed a hand across your tired face. “I don’t know what I’m not seeing.” You confessed as you hung your head with a defeated breath.

Hunter placed his hands on your upper arms and brought his eyes to your level. “If it were obvious, we’d know it already.” He said as he rubbed his thumbs comfortingly up and down your arms. “You don’t need to keep working through this alone.”

“I just feel so useless. I should be able to figure this out!” You said with a frustrated huff.

“I know, it’s hard to just wait it out, but Fennec will come through. Until then, we just have to be patient.” Hunter said as he put his arm around your waist as the two of you and Batcher headed back to rendezvous with the others. “Jedi are meant to be good at that, right?”

“Would it shock you to know that I struggled with that?” You remarked satirically as you mirrored his actions.

Hunter chuckled. “Not in the slightest.”

Next Chapter>

Tagging: @noeasyisnoisy, @arctrooper69, @notgonnaedit, @dominoeffectsworld, @andreaaxy, @nightmonkeysstuff @superbookishhufflepuff

[cantsayidont]

While this ranks relatively low on my overall list of complaints about STAR TREK: DISCOVERY and STRANGE NEW WORLDS, something I find annoying about them is that they've really built up the size and strength of Starfleet to something closer to what it is in STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION, which contradicts TOS in ways that have far-reaching story effects.

TOS repeatedly indicates that in that period Starfleet has only a handful of ships in the Enterprise's class, presumably because they're resource-intensive to build and operate. As Kirk and John Christopher discuss in "Tomorrow Is Yesterday":

CHRISTOPHER: Must have taken quite a lot to build a ship like this. KIRK: There are only twelve like it in the fleet.

That plainly doesn't mean that Starfleet has no other ships, but ships of what TOS describes as the "Starship" class ("Constitution-class" is a later coinage) are uniquely capable. As Merik, former commander of the SS Beagle, explains in "Bread and Circuses":

MERIK: He commands not just a spaceship, Proconsul, but a starship. A very special vessel and crew. I tried for such a command.

This special status is a central part of the premise of TOS: It's the reason why the Enterprise is assigned such a diverse array of duties, and why what the Enterprise does is so important to the plot. Even into the TOS cast movie era, we're frequently told that the Enterprise is the only ship in the sector capable of responding to a problem or threat, and the crew is rarely in a position to call for reinforcements even where that would be tactically or strategically advisable.

While that makes duty on one of these ships very risky (as evidenced by the number of the Enterprise's sister ships that are lost with all hands in TOS, including Constellation, Defiant, and Exeter), as Merik's remark indicates, it's also a plum assignment, and one for which there's obviously fierce competition. The TOS bible makes much of the fact that Kirk is the youngest person ever to command one of these starships, and he also appears to be one of the lowest-ranking. (Many of the other starship captains we see are fleet captains or commodores, as well as being older than Kirk.) This comes into play at a variety of points: For instance, it's at the root of Ben Finney's animosity toward Kirk in "Court Martial" (and presumably why Kirk's peers are quick to give him the cold shoulder when he's charged with negligence in Finney's apparent death), and it's part of the tension in "The Doomsday Machine," where Kirk and Spock have to maneuver around the fact that Matt Decker outranks Kirk and is clearly the senior officer.

The limited number of starships also provides a useful Watsonian explanation for the dichotomy of a capital warship (which the Enterprise unequivocally is) being used for scientific research and exploration missions. Although TOS is reluctant to say much about civilian life within the Federation, we can probably assume that such costly starships are the subject of a lot of political wrangling, and the different roles the Enterprise plays probably reflect those tensions: The Enterprise's scientific duties may be a concession to those who (like David Marcus in STAR TREK II) are wary of Starfleet's military role, and perhaps an effort to extract a greater civilian return on the Federation's obviously substantial military investment. It might also be a diplomatic ploy, or an attempt to maneuver around arms control treaties with rival powers like the Klingons and Romulans. (Arms-limitation treaties are probably the most plausible explanation for the Enterprise-A being so hastily decommissioned and its entire class apparently being mothballed shortly after STAR TREK VI.)

DISCOVERY and STRANGE NEW WORLDS pay lip service to the specialness of ships of the Enterprise's class while undermining the point by indicating that Starfleet also has hundreds if not thousands of other, slightly smaller starships with 80 or 90 percent of the Enterprise's capabilities, carrying out a similar range of missions. I can see why they've gone that way, and there's obvious precedent for it in the TOS cast movies, which depict several other classes of Starfleet ships, but interposing that into the TOS era inevitably weakens the premise of the original stories, and renders many of the conceits of TOS unintelligible. (If it were up to me, I would attribute the expanded range of ships to changes between TOS and the era of the movies, which are set years later and have different narrative priorities.)

This retroactive Starfleet expansion also exacerbates the increasingly jingoistic militarism of modern STAR TREK, which is uncomfortably pronounced in both the Abrams films (which got money from the Pentagon for it) and in the recent shows (which I suspect are also getting DOD money, although I haven't seen that specifically confirmed). The large-scale fleet maneuvers of the finale of PICARD, for instance, are frankly terrifying, and would be even without the contrivances of the plot. A Federation that celebrates "Frontier Day" with a massive display of military power within the solar system, obviously aimed at awing and intimidating citizen and adversary alike, seems like a pretty harrowing "post-scarcity socialist utopia," even by the standards of a show that's always been about the crews of a spacegoing navy doing interstellar colonialism.

[marybeatriceofmodena]

I'm curious, do ppl hate Love Never Dies because they think Eristine is problematic and it's made canon in it, or is it due to something else? I havent watched it yet or anything but i like the vibes, lol

Heh... Love Never Dies has always been controversial at the very least? It came out at a time where Erik/Christine was still the most popular ship in the phandom - it still is, by the way. That didn't change despite a clear shift in fandom and ""problematic content"" around 2013, so a good 3 years after the musical came out. If anything, Raoul/Christine shippers have been a minority for most of the phandom's history, and both sides of the debate at some point more or less decided to agree to disagree (I mean, the homophobic slurs Raoul would get at times were starting to REALLY be in poor taste), except on the point that without the love triangle, there wouldn't be much of a story, and there are various ways of interpreting said love triangle. So, quite frankly, I don't understand why some people on either side are trying to restart discourse in the POTO fandom but I digress. And look, if you see people in the tags saying that Erik/Christine is problematic, they're probably new, and not really representative of the phandom at large. Anything having to do with Sierra Boggess is more controversial.

I really don't think the controversy stems from it making Erik and Christine bang and have a love child - I know there are some people who are against the idea of any kind of sequel, in fanfic form or otherwise, for a variety of reasons, but most of them were being responsible adults about it and didn't actively seek fanfic. As I mentioned before, a lot of folks were Erik/Christine shippers and thought that Christine was more into the Phantom than into Raoul, that's nothing new. But a lot of them also had issues with how LND dealt with it, for several reasons. It didn't come from an "anti" sentiment, it was very much them having issues with the material that was presented to them.

Raphael/phantoonsoftheopera (who is a long time fan of POTO) goes into more detail here and I think he sums up a lot of phans' thoughts back in 2010 when LND came out (whether they shipped the Phantom and Christine or not), and I think @musicalhell is another one who was also around at the time (feel free to pop in, and hope I'm not bothering you with the tag).

As for the rest, I wish I could defend ALW's choices here in the same way I'd defend Lana Wachowski for Matrix Resurrections - i.e. you're allowed to not like it but this is this creator's baby and they're allowed to do whatever they want with it, so let's all respect art for the sake of art here. But LND is very much a vanity project, as ALW has proven multiple times, that is mean-spirited to its core in various ways. For my fellow SW fans, it's the TROS to POTO'S TLJ. The cast and crew were treated in a really shitty way back in the original London production days, same with critics of the show, and there was even a case where a journalist and long time phan who provided a critical review of LND was demeaned in an article as some sort of sad housewife who was obsessed with POTO. Mind you, ALW has tried to make LND work FOR YEARS, with various productions and tours opening here and there, but it always underperforms. And mind you, the Eristine crowd is still hanging around, and POTO is doing extremely well whereever it goes to this day. If the Eristine content was good, the crowds would follow, "problématique" posts and tweets or not. They aren't there.

[darklovecat]

summer essentials?

AHA 30% + BHA 2% peeling solution!

This product is versatile and can be used for a variety of skin-related issues, like hyperpigmentation, acne, scars, and uneven skin tone. However, in the summers I personally use it for my daily underarm botox fix. By applying the serum on my underarms and leaving it there for around 15 minutes before washing it off, I'm able to eliminate unpleasant smells and excessive sweating for the rest of the day. I live in an area with high temperatures during the summer, and white clothes is a common choice for me and I want to avoid any unpleasantness, that's why this product is a must-have for me.

A summer workout routine!

Exercising and working out is one of my favorite things to do, as it energizes me and gives me the results that I want. The first thing I do in the morning is get moving, and there's nothing quite like a good workout to start my day off right. During the summer months, I prefer focusing on building my glutes, toning my abs, and working on my overall physique, and I love some of Pamela Reif's videos. To achieve my fitness goals, I have curated a list of my favorite exercises and enjoy following videos along with my gym routine. Maintaining consistency in my workout routine is something I prioritize, I always focus on consistency and not results, which has helped me achieve all of my fitness goals.

A pair of hot girl sunglasses!

I recently purchased a handmade pair of sunglasses from Karl Wagner, and they are oval acetate and smaller than what I usually go for but quite nice. As someone who has had laser eye surgery and hates making eye contact with strangers, eye protection is especially important to me year-round, but particularly during the summer when the sun's harmful UV rays are stronger. And because the skin around my eyes is very thin, excessive squinting can lead to wrinkles, so I take extra care to shield my eyes from the sun's rays by applying a generous amount of sunscreen and sunglasses.

White tennis skirts!

Summertime calls for a wardrobe shift for me and I make it a point to switch out my darker skirts for lighter options in shades like baby pink and white. I find that these colors perfectly capture the essence of summertime and make me feel light and breezy. One of my favorite things about wearing white tennis skirts is that they go with just about any top, so I have endless outfit options to mix and match. To complete the look, I typically opt for white sneakers or sandals, both of which add a touch of freshness to the overall aesthetic. Whether I'm running errands, meeting up with friends, or simply lounging in the sun, these skirts provide the perfect blend of comfort, style, and versatility.

A deeper shade of foundation!

Nowadays, whenever I desire a sun-kissed complexion, I prefer making slight makeup modifications, I adjust my foundations between seasons instead of exposing myself to the sun's harmful UV rays. I have very light olive skin so a slightly darker foundation makes me look a lot healthier and gives me the look I love, I draw on faux freckles with a light brow eyebrow pencil and I'm generous with my blush. I recall the one instance in my life when I tried to get a tan on a deck in the height of summer. I ended up getting burned and turned into a ghastly tomato-red shade. The sight of my terrified me, and I applied ice packs and slathered aloe vera gel on my face every hour. That experience made me promise myself to never repeat that mistake again.

White dresses!

I have a serious addiction to white dresses, they're an essential part of my summer wardrobe. Every piece of item in my wardrobe tends to get boring after a while but not with my white dresses. They come in all sorts of styles, but nothing makes me feel more beautiful than a flowy white dress during the summer months. I love pairing it with a flowy chiffon hijab, cute earrings, and an ethereal makeup look. My absolute fave are empire waist dresses- they work wonders in emphasizing my waistline and elongating my legs. Plus, they give off a super chic and elegant vibe. The only downside is that these dresses are usually made of natural materials, so they tend to wrinkle easily throughout the day which drives me crazy but I'm trying my best to make peace with that.

Cat.

[ammg-old2]

Isabel Fattal: In your newsletter post, you wrote that anti-Semitism is not just a personal prejudice—it’s a conspiracy theory. Can you explain this concept?

Yair Rosenberg: When people think about anti-Semitism, they often think about it through the prism of other prejudices they encounter, which typically take the form of people saying, “I don’t like people like that.” “Like that” could be Jewish, Black, Muslim. And that is certainly a component of anti-Semitism, but it's not the only component. Anti-Semitism shares things with other prejudices, but it also has things that distinguish it from other prejudices. One of these distinctions is that anti-Semitism can take the form of a conspiracy theory about how the world works. It blames society’s problems on some sinister, string-pulling Jewish cabal behind the scenes.

This conspiracy theory is infinitely malleable. Whatever the problems you perceive in the world, you can blame them on the same invisible culprit. So you end up with people who have entirely opposite worldviews who somehow land on the Jews as their enemies. You can have an Islamic extremist who takes a synagogue hostage in Texas, and you can have a white supremacist who [allegedly] shoots up a synagogue in Pittsburgh because he sees the synagogue as facilitating the entry of Muslims into the United States as refugees. [Robert Bowers pleaded not guilty; his trial is set for April 2023.] These are people who have completely disparate ways of seeing the world, but somehow, they’ve ended up in the same place, because they’re both conspiracy theorists.

Isabel: You write that because anti-Jewish bigotry is a conspiracy, it becomes a “self-sustaining cycle.” How does that cycle work?

Yair: In Kanye West’s anti-Semitic tweets, he [implies] that he’s going to attack Jewish people, and his rationale is that they blackball and silence those who act against them. This is a very clever little paradox, because if you, as a Jewish person, then say, “I think this is anti-Semitic,” and as a result of that, Kanye or anyone else who voices anti-Semitic sentiments suffers any consequences at all, then the anti-Semite can turn around and say, “Ha, you see? That proves that the Jews do control the things I said they control. Because when I tried to say anything about it, people tried to shut me up.” It’s a self-fulfilling conspiracy theory that provides its own evidence and can never be falsified in the mind of the anti-Semite.

Isabel: Those are some of the strongest conspiracy theories in general, right? The ones that feed into their own evidence in that way.

Yair: Exactly. A big question about anti-Semitism has always been how it has managed to persist for so long. You would think that at a certain point, a lot of these crazy ideas about Jewish people would be exposed as untrue, and that would lead people to reject them. And of course, many people do. But when you have a conspiracy theory that feeds on itself, it’s a perpetual-motion machine that will continue to sustain itself for quite some time.

[...]

Isabel: We’re living in a moment where conspiracy theories abound on the American right. How does the conspiracy of anti-Semitism fit in with other conspiracies, such as QAnon?

Yair: The more conspiratorial discourse your society has, the more likely people will become anti-Semites. You might start out as a freelance, equal-opportunity conspiracy theorist, but you’re just one Google search away from somebody telling you that the people behind the problems that you perceive are Jewish people. And that’s why you see a phenomenon where QAnon becomes Jew-Anon. It’s how you see someone like Marjorie Taylor Greene, who is just your garden-variety conspiracy theorist, suddenly liking a tweet about how the Mossad, Israel’s security service, was behind the assassination of JFK.

And that’s why I think combatting conspiracy theories is a key component to combatting anti-Semitism. A lot of times, people parse anti-Semitism in political terms—left wing, right wing. But those are just ways people express their anti-Semitism. Fundamentally, anti-Semitism predates the Republican Party, the Democratic Party, communism, capitalism—all these categories that we use now. But the human propensity for conspiracy theories, for attributing simple, single explanations to complex phenomena, is old. And we’re all susceptible to it.

[caxycreations]

Tylvinian Tales: The Wolf's Den

Chapter Seven: Recreation

Ferusian Law, Third Sequence, Article One: Law of Consequence

Ferusian citizens are entitled to consequential action against inciting parties, provided the consequential action does not exceed severity of the inciting event.

Consequential action is defined as any measure, be it verbal, physical, or legal, that is taken in response to the inciting event.

Inciting event is defined as harmful action taken by an individual that is not a consequential action.

Inciting events or consequential action which break established Ferusian law are exempt from the Law of Consequence.

The drive was quiet, with David staring out the passenger side window. Glances at his reflection revealed a dull look in his eyes, and his fur bristled slightly with every movement of the truck. I was still angry myself, the last of my adrenaline only just starting to die down. Pulling into the parking lot, I took another glance at David and saw his expression had regained some of the life to it, his energy returning at the sight of the neon lights adorning the front of the building.

I parked the truck, stepping out as David followed suit, and we made our way into the arcade in silence. His smile started coming back the closer we got, and when we finally reached the front doors, he was practically skipping inside. I stopped at the counter to check the balance on my game card, my regular visits leaving me with quite a significant amount of tickets and credits from past visits. According to the system I was low on credits, so a quick top-up and we had more than enough for both of us.

I found David a moment later, holding the bars of a Tamp Tamp Maximum machine, one of his favorite dancing games. I rolled my eyes and smirked as I stepped up behind him, tapping his shoulder with my game card. He yipped and turned around, blushing when he realized it was only me.

"H-Hey big guy, you scared me!" He said with an indignant pout. His nose scrunched and he huffed a little before realizing I was holding my card out for him. He grinned, grabbing it with an excited giggle and wasting no time in tapping it against the scanner a few times, giving himself a fair few plays. I took the card back and leaned on the wall next to the machine. I wasn't much for the games, but David loved them, and I liked watching him have his fun.

His paws were a blur, tail moving wildly behind him, his arms and hands mirroring the motions of the cartoon dancer perfectly. The song was in Kanorian, nothing I understood, but David moved like he knew every step as well as the folks that wrote it. I let out a smile and, sure he would be fine if I stepped away for a moment, tapped the card against his scanner a couple more times and went to find something I could enjoy.

Basketball, mini-golf, shooters, the arcade had plenty of variety, but what caught my eye every time was skee ball. Simple, cheap on credits, and I was good enough to land enough tickets most times to make it worth it. I tapped a few times to my scanner, then to the ones on either side, figuring the next people would get a nice surprise at their free plays. I was just about to roll the first ball when I heard a splashing sound, and I felt my muscles seize.

I wasn't afraid of water, never had been. And yet here I was, my chest tight and my muscles tensing like I was about to fight, my heart racing. I stood there, as still as a stone, fur standing on end with my heart pounding in my ears. Then it came again, that splashing sound, and I knew why I was so panicked. That dream. That nightmare. I remembered it now. I knew I'd had a bad dream this morning, and hearing that sound brought to mind a flash of the ocean, dark shapes atop the surface, and a deep and unyielding burning in my chest as my lungs fought and failed to find oxygen.

Now knowing what was causing my anxiety, I tried my best to breathe slowly. I closed my eyes, thinking of everything I could think of to calm myself down. Music, food, Mom, Dad, Merissa. I tried to think of stories, of shows, movies, games. I tried to focus my thoughts on something, anything besides the sound of water filling my ears, the feeling of air leaving my body to be replaced by the agonizing liquid. It was no use. I dropped the ball I was holding, the sound muffled as I stepped back and braced myself against the nearest wall.

I wasn't used to this. I didn't get scared. I didn't feel anxious. I was the brave one, the confident one. David couldn't see me like-

David. David was here. He was barely halfway across the arcade. He'd see me. He'd see me afraid. He'd be scared to rely on me again. If I could panic over something as stupid as a sound in a gods-damned arcade, then-

No. No, no, no. He knows me better than that. David knows me. He knows I...

I growled, baring my teeth at nothing but my own fear. Standing up straight, I stepped back up to the game and picked up the ball I had dropped. David wouldn't see me scared, because I wasn't going to be scared. He would never think less of me for it. And I shouldn't expect him to. As I prepared to roll the ball, I heard the sound again and turned my head to find the source. It was a spin-the-wheel game with a pond theme. I glared at it, steadied my breath, and turned my back. I tuned it out and took my first roll.

I played for some time like that, my whole body tensing every time I heard that splash. Eventually, I ran out of plays and decided to make my way back to David. He was halfway through his last song, and I couldn't help but smile. His hair was wildly disheveled, his constant movement having undone whatever care he had taken to maintain the dark brown mess currently adorning the top of his head. I checked his score, chuckling to myself. It was perfect. He hadn't missed a beat.

As the song ended, he gripped the railing behind him, leaning back against it. I could see his chest heaving, hear his breathing. It was heavy, desperate. If I didn't know any better I'd say he'd been holding his breath in the entire time. He turned to hop off the platform, giggling as he saw me.

"Where you there the whole time, Rye?" He asked with a smile, hands fiddling with his hair to clean it up. I smirked, brushing his hands away and helping bring some order to the mess he'd put himself in.

"Nah, played a lil bit'a skee ball. Workin' on gettin' some tickets. Figured we'd see if we got enough for a decent prize this time. Ya still want that game system?" I asked, offering him my game card. He took it with a giddy smile, nodding excitedly and bounding off towards the racing games. I followed him and caught up just as he was pocketing the game card, hopping onto a motorcycle mounted on a metal base.

I watched him play for quite some time, and across several games. Hours passed and my eyes never left him, and my smile never faded. He deserved the break after the incident at work, and seeing the smile on his face, hearing his laughter so often, was well worth the hit my wallet would take. Eventually even he started to run out of energy, his tail swaying less excitedly, his steps losing their bounce little by little. Finally, he got off of a light-gun game and leaned against me with a happy-sounding purr.

"Satisfied? Spent enough'a my money?" I asked with a smirk, rubbing his back a bit. He nodded, smiling up at me and giggling softly. I rolled my eyes and held out my hand, closing my fingers around the card as he lay it in my hand.

"Can we check the prize counter? I wanna see how close we are to the Zenith." He said with a tired, but hopeful, smile. I nodded, and we made our way for the prize counter to check the balance of tickets on the card. I scanned it on the kiosk just beside the counter and while waiting for the machine to load, glanced at the Zenith console behind the clerk. A hundred thousand tickets. I had been saving up a while, and as the machine loaded I gave David a nudge. We were a thousand tickets short.

"Damn! Can we keep playing for a bit? We're so close to it, can we please, please, please get it today?" David begged, clinging to my arm. I laughed, nodding and loading up another fifty bucks onto the card and handing it to him. He darted off, quickly settling in front of a machine and starting to play. Another hour later, and a quick trip to the prize counter, and David was the proud owner of a brand new Zenith console. He held it in his arms like it was a precious child to him, even curling his tail around it protectively.

The drive home was filled with David talking at length about the games he planned to play, how excited he was to try the console out. I didn't understand most of it, but I did understand a few things. I understood the excited laughter meant he'd forgotten the stresses of work. I understood the beaming smile on his face meant I'd done the right thing. I understood that when we got home, he would set up the system and everything would be okay. I understood he was happy.

That was enough for me. Seeing his tail not wrapped around his waist, seeing his fingers drumming across the box in his lap, his teeth glinting in the light as he smiled, the idle bouncing in his seat. His joy shone in every single movement he made, and I couldn't help but smile with him. As we pulled into the driveway of my house and made our way inside, I figured he would waste no time in setting up. I was surprised when he set it down and rushed me, hugging me like his life depended on it.

"Thank you, Rye...Thank you!" He spoke softly at first, regaining his excitement quickly and letting go, racing off to set up his new console. He didn't even have any games for it, but I wasn't about to ruin his fun by reminding him of that. I was sure he'd find some free games until he bought a few. I sat in my chair beside the couch, laying back and closing my eyes. We had been in the arcade for hours, and I could feel myself getting tired from all the excitement of the lights and others around us. I was glad to be home, out of it all. As comfortable as I was in a club, arcades were a completely different story.

I could hear David giggling, and the sound of a system booting up. A second later, something fell into my lap. I opened my eyes, greeted by the sight of David laying across my lap, head against my chest and legs dangling over the armrest of the chair, kicking idly. I rolled my eyes at him and sighed.

"Comfy?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Very~! Now shush, I'm gaming!" He said with a giggle, nuzzling my chest for a second before focusing on the TV. I shook my head and smiled again, laying my head back and closing my eyes, relaxing slowly before drifting off to sleep, David playing his game and laying across my lap.

I opened my eyes, surrounded on all sides by water. Panicking, I began swimming up, frantically trying to reach the top. I held my breath, lungs burning and head becoming lighter by the moment, until I couldn't anymore. I took in a deep breath, instinctive and against my will, only to find I was perfectly fine. I took in oxygen, and let my breath back out, as easily as on land. I spun, testing my surroundings. They were still water. I was submerged, and yet...I was okay. Looking up, I saw dark shapes, dozens of them, on the surface.

Swimming upward, I found myself reaching surface quickly, with ease. I climbed onto the nearest boat, pulling myself from the water and dripping onto the dark wood of the craft. The moment my paws touched the wood, my lungs flooded, and I found myself coughing, sputtering, water pouring from me freely. I couldn't breathe, my lungs burning, freezing, shrinking, expanding, desperate for air that wouldn't come. I turned, remembering the water below, the safety inside, and just before I could dive in, I was stopped by a hand on my shoulder.

My eyes snapped open, blinking at the light, adjusting slowly as I woke up. David was shaking my shoulder and holding his phone out to me. I could hear a female voice on the line, and sighed. Taking the phone, I put it to my ear.

"Yo." I said plainly, keenly aware Davina was on the other end.

"Hey, Davey said you got him the Zenith he's been begging for. Did you?" She asked, almost pointedly. I chuckled, remembering she had planned to visit soon to give David his presents and pick up hers.

"Yeah, he had a rough day at work so we hit the arcade an' he had enough tickets t'grab th'console from th'prize counter." I replied. I thought she'd be happy, and instead was greeted with a very frustrated sound, halfway to a hiss and almost, but not quite, a growl.

"You bastard, I bought him one for his birthday and now I have to delay my trip so I can return it and buy him something else! Uuuugh, Okay. It's fine, I'm glad you took care of him. But really? I thought I told you I was getting it for him?" She was obviously irritated, but trying to keep calm. I looked at David, earning a confused head-tilt from the caxy.

"I'm sorry 'bout that, 'Vina. Forgot. If'n y'want, I can send a couple ideas for what he might like." I offered, wanting to make up for it. She laughed, a sultry and playful sound.

"If it's from Knotty Nights, don't bother. That was my backup plan." She said with a laugh.

"Well, I'll just keep it t'myself then." I said with a smirk. "Been alright, 'Vina? Ain't chatted in a while."

She was quiet for a moment. "I've been okay. Moss has been keeping me busy. I never thought raising a teenager would be so hard...They're a good kid, they behave and listen, but they're so..." She trailed off, sighing.

"Independent?" I asked.

"Yeah. I'm trying hard to do right with them, and Trace is helping a lot, but I think you should take some time to see them while they're out there this weekend. They talk about you and Davey a lot, I think they miss you." She explained. I nodded, mulling it over.

"I think I can do that, ain't no trouble t'head over t'Trace's place an' visit th'kiddo." I replied. "But ya woke me up an' I'm awful tired. I'mma give ya back t'Davey an' get a lil more rest. Seeya when ya get here, yeah? Stayin' here still right?" I asked.

"Yep. I'll be there in a couple days, gotta stop by K.N. and grab David's gifts, then I'll be heading there when they're wrapped." She replied. "Go on, gimme my brother back. Go sleep, I'm sick of you." She said with a giggle.

"Alright, alright. Here's Davey. Stay safe, 'Vina." I said with a laugh, holding the phone out to David. He took it, and as he chattered away with Davina, I sighed, relaxing again and letting myself fall back into a dreamless sleep, the barest hint of the feeling of something soft and warm being laid over me as the last sensation before slipping over the edge into sleep.

Tag List

@sparrowcraft @moremysteriesthantragedies @thetruearchmagos @a-scaly-troublemaker @that-one-enby-onyx @snakelovingnerd @eldritchx @leisoree @amerylise @profoundlyhauntedclaws @thefinalgoat @leisurelywingedlemon

[chacusha]

Hi everyone! Time for a new sticky post. Here are some important, high-level things to note about me:

I am mostly inactive on Tumblr. I have uninstalled the Tumblr mobile app and use a siteblocker to limit how much time I spend on here. I do try to respond to personal messages and asks, but I'm pretty unreliable about everything else -- I mainly only use this blog for self-promo, sorry. See the bottom of this post for other places to find me.

Fandoms: Very many and change unpredictably. Star Trek is the main one at the moment, but I like various JRPGs (Mana, FF, KH, Bravely Default). Soulcalibur and ReBoot are some fandoms I find interesting and dabble in on Tumblr.

I am a proshipper. Not in the sense that I wade into fandom discourse (as I don't like it and so try to avoid it entirely) but that my opinions on fiction and fictional ships 100% aligns with the proshipper position and I avoid antis and people with anti opinions like the plague. More on what I mean by these terms below as there has been a lot of obfuscation (often purposeful) regarding these terms.

More detail on these under the cut.

Inactivity on Tumblr:

I have tried to make changes to make Tumblr more usable for me, but I still don't really have a healthy relationship to the site and still find it socially isolating, especially as a venue for artists who post art. I do respond to messages and asks, and I try to reply to replies and tags as well (sometimes they fall by the wayside, sorry...), and I reblog once in a blue moon, but I mainly use Tumblr for self-promo nowadays. Also, I don't really like talking about my personal life out in the open, so if you want personal updates on my life, I'm much more active on Dreamwidth, which has better privacy controls than Tumblr.

I tend to complain about Tumblr (while continuing to use the site) so much that I have a tag for it (#complaining about tumblr on tumblr). If that kind of negativity bothers you, you may want to unfollow me or filter that tag.

Some helpful links and resources related to my inactivity and frustrations with Tumblr as a platform:

Tips to new users to make Tumblr more usable

My Dreamwidth pitch (and the more readable Dreamwidth version).

Not mine, but here's a guide to using Dreamwidth for Tumblr users.

Here's also my pitch for why dA is not actually a terrible site for posting art compared to Tumblr (but Tumblr still has its advantages).

Some posts I made on why I find Tumblr socially isolating and why I don't tag dive on Tumblr, which are both largely still true.

Proship? Anti?

Most of the time, you can go through fandom without ever running into the proship/anti debate, and this has pretty much been my experience in my JRPG fandoms (Final Fantasy, the Mana series, Bravely Default, etc.). I have unfortunately not really had this experience in Star Trek fandom, sometimes being blindsided by people who seem chill in public then reveal themselves to have kind of unhinged views of fiction and immoral ships in private, so I have decided to just start proactively identifying as proship to ward those people away and will now only join Discord servers of people whom I know are not antis, or which have an explicitly proship moderation line.

Since it is often unclear what people mean by "anti" and "proship," I'll provide my own definition to make it clear what I'm talking about here.

Antis are people who oppose certain ships and the existence of certain types of fictional content because those ships/stories are immoral. While there is quite a bit of variety in where antis draw their moral lines, some common types ships/content that antis view immoral include incest, underage, rape/noncon, power differential, age gaps, etc. as well as being fans of dark (e.g. abusive, genocidal, villainous, etc.) characters, especially if this fannishness has a romantic/sexual attraction sort of element. The general anti approach to fannishness and fiction is to treat people who draw/write/consume fiction featuring these elements and themes as perpetuating harm (sometimes serious harm) through their fictional tastes. Such harm includes normalizing/endorsing/excusing abuse/rape, and grooming or normalizing/promoting pedophilia.

These are pretty weighty accusations, and needless to say, believing that (a) you can tell whether someone is an abuser/pedophile/groomer/etc. based solely on their fictional output or consumption (including what characters/ships they like), and therefore (b) your fandom is filled with literal abusers/pedophiles/groomers/etc. operating completely out in the open, led to people sending death threats, organizing campaigns to chase these "predators" out of fandom, and otherwise raising the cost of people existing in fandom while being a fan of "problematic" ships, whether through a private or public harassment campaign, by doxxing people, sending messages to their employer, etc. etc.

The proship stance/proshippers arose as a reaction to this harassing behavior of antis to basically establish an alternate approach to fandom that allows people to ship whatever relationships they like and which recognizes that fiction and reality do not map one-to-one, and which believes that treating fiction as if it is entirely equivalent to reality, treating fictional characters exactly how you would treat a real-life person, policing the immorality of fiction, etc. tends to lead to unhinged behavior like this (doxxing, harassment, etc.).

There was a very strong backlash to the anti movement and the anti approach to fandom has largely been discredited at this point by being portrayed as "fans taking fandom way too seriously," which is in some sense, accurate. But I don't think that this means that antis and their approach to fiction is entirely gone, just that they are merely more quiet/underground/cryptic about their anti positions. Also, I am a bit unusual in that I don't think that it was only the behavior that was wrong (doxxing, harassment, death threats, etc.), although it certainly was very wrong! But I also think that behavior was the natural consequence of a set of beliefs that generally equates fiction and reality; that is uncomfortable with the eroticization of the dark, immoral, and taboo; and that views the "point" or "main activity" of fandom and fannishness as being to write/consume/love "good" ships/content only. So long as people possess that particular approach to fiction, they are (in my mind) an anti at heart and their approach to fandom is probably antithetical to my own.

I take an approach to fiction that includes:

A recognition that there are plenty of reasons to want to write about certain characters having sex (even titillating, pornographic sex) that aren't "I am literally attracted to the characters and would still be attracted to the same characters if they were real."

Not harassing creators or other fans over shipping or creative output.

The view that "thoughtcrime" is not a legitimate concept.

Being against the idea that enjoyment of art can lead to moral contamination through association.

Art is not (and cannot be) the same thing to everyone. From "I couldn't enjoy this art for moral reasons," it is incorrect to conclude that, "If people enjoyed this art, that must mean they are immoral."

Just being chill about fandom, fans, and creators -- having a sense of perspective that fandom is a minor part of life and a minor part of pop culture, that fandom is a hobby filled with amateur, self-published creators who are learning their craft as they go, and often using fiction and art to explore their own sexuality.

I find this write-up to be a good outlining of the anti vs. proship debate and how antis tend to behave in fandom. People often also classify the anti phenomenon and approach to fiction as a kind of "purity culture" derived from an evangelical Christian upbringing (which views bad media to have a corrupting influence and the goal of reading/fictional consumption is to read "good" things only), but with the Christian social mores rejected and swapped out for non-Christian secular social justice values (consent, diversity and humanizing/"good" representation, etc.), and this seems to me a plausible theory and is largely how I understand the anti phenomenon as well.

Also, very tenuously related to anti/proship stuff, but I am generally someone with low tolerance for character/ship bashing, and for "I ship this problematic ship in the RIGHT way while other people ship it WRONG" type posting, and generally for making snide comments about other people's fic/art in public. Don't get me wrong -- I love a good rant about fandom, even a good public rant if it's not my fandom and I can eat some popcorn as I read. I have ships I can't stand and am happy to rant about them at the drop of a feather. But sometimes you have to pick the right audience for a rant, y'know?

Anyway, I generally try not to wade into fandom discourse (this is a self-imposed ban as I know if I let myself post about it, it will consume my brain), but I don't want my overall silence on this topic to be taken as neutrality or indifference in the whole anti/proship debate.

Oh yes, and if it wasn't apparent already, I am a very tl;dr person.

Where to find me:

Art Tumblr: https://denahi.tumblr.com/ 

Dreamwidth: https://chacusha.dreamwidth.org/ 

DeviantArt: https://www.deviantart.com/chacusha 

Discord: chacusha

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chacusha/profile 

Communities I run:

Quodo discussion/fan community on Dreamwidth: https://quodo.dreamwidth.org/ 

Quodo fanart archive on DeviantArt: https://www.deviantart.com/quark-x-odo/ 

My Discord for Quodo (18+ with a proship moderation line): https://discord.gg/VaCnMYvKu6

My Discord for the Mana series (all ages, also technically with a proship moderation line but the issue just never comes up in this fandom ¯\_(ツ)_/¯): https://discord.gg/6wFWwnRvJr 

[miasfoxxden]

I tried to quit when you went to shit, when you proved to the world that you only cared about yourselves and not the people who needed you most. But here I am coming back for more like a god damn junkie. I kinda hate this, not gonna lie, but there's really nothing else like VRchat.

VRchat is a weird and amazing thing when you're queer. The aging 2019 Unity Engine LTS build it uses, although held together by duct tape and super glue, provides near infinite capabilities for self expression to those who have the time and patience to understand how to use it's SDK toolkit alongside other community tools like various Blender Plugins. It goes without saying, for those such as myself who have struggled with their own identity for a long time, this shit will crack eggs. And it shattered what remained of mine in the beginning of 2020. This is why this badly written and mismanaged clusterfuck of a Unity game holds a special place in my heart.

To make a very fucking long story short, I've been on VRchat since basically the beginning. My earliest memories of VRC were in late 2017, early 2018 where everything was far more raw, simple, and experimental. VRchat itself was a blank canvas, and on that canvas was a tight knit community that spawned an iconic culture all to its own. And yes, before anyone asks I do know de wae. But for those early years, mainly because of my lack of budget and stable income, I was tied down to just keyboard and mouse controls from a desktop PC. It's a sub ideal way to play VRC but you make do with what you have in that kind of situation and make the best of it. So when I had the means to get my own headset in the beginning of 2020, an Oculus Rift S, you can bet your ass the first thing I loaded into was VRchat.

Before we continue, I need to introduce the concept of phantom touch or phantom sense. Phantom touch is a term that was originally for amputees who could feel their missing limbs when given certain stimuli, typically some form of mirror therapy or sometimes via ones prosthetics. Phantom senses in VR are along the same lines. For all intents and purposes, your avatar in VR is the same as your body to your brain. Now, not everyone gets this, and those who do get it in varying amounts in just different ways. I'm admittedly on the more extreme end of this, as far as my brain gives a shit my avatar is my body and that ends up causing some interesting sensations. Most importantly, it pretty much drives my own choice of avatar since a lot of options out there just don't feel right. Yeah an avatar may be super cute or super funny but with that level of immersion for someone like myself it becomes very apparent that a lot of things will give full on dysphoria. This isn't really limited to anything either, I've noped off of cute looking avatars for a variety of reasons, sometimes even just small things like clothing, hair style, body proportions, height, etc. On the flip side of that, the right avatar can relieve a lot of dysphoria for someone like me who does experience gender dysphoria regularly in their day to day lives. So what were my options then?

Wade through a lot of public avatars until you find something anywhere between just right to perfect. The world of public avatars available is almost limitless, as games driven by user generated content tend to be so there's plenty of options.

Make your own avatar, either from scratch or a prefab base. This is again where the limitlessness of the engine comes into play, where the only limitation is your own technical abilities with Unity SDK, and tools like Blender or Maya.

I got lucky and took option one. I found one that felt just right, a Tda based red haired fox girl in a cute hoodie, crop top, and jeans, and only needed a few minor tweaks. While there was a bit of a language barrier, the creator of this avatar and I got something worked out and the image above is the result. This is me. This was when what remained of my egg, so to speak, was completely fucking shattered into oblivion. This was where I realized that "Nah yeah I'm not fucking cis," after years of going back and forth and being on the fence about my own sense of self. Ultimately, VRchat ended up a coping mechanism for my dysphoria. I was free. I was me. I ended up parting ways with the guy who made the model posted above for reasons I won't get into. I was never given the source files to update the model to SDK3 so where it is now is where it will be forever until SDK2 gets dropped entirely. So, in mid 2021 when I found a prefab base that was relatively well support and easy to work with on booth.pm called Imeris, I jumped on that. I re-made me.

Maybe to a bit of an extreme, but whatever. Bouncy squishy boobs on my chest makes girly gender euphoria go brrrr in a way I can't get over. But this is how I stayed for about a year without any major changes save for some new outfits every now and then.

In August, 2022, VRchat implemented EasyAntiCheat into the game. The reasoning for it is all over the place and while I have some insider information as to why it's not been stated publicly and I don't feel like getting sued into oblivion. But regardless of their reasoning, no matter how much public backlash they got, no matter how many members of the community who relied on third party client mods for accessibility for various disabilities and basic usability and quality of life functions not present in the base game, they pushed the patch out live anyways. They pushed out a patch knowing it broke compatibility with some Oculus headsets and software, this even was noted in the patch notes. They didn't care about us. That much was clear.

I swore off VRchat then and there, but the reality is the other options all sucked. NeosVR had NFT integration which is something I despise on principle. ChilloutVR, while promising, still lacks a lot of the functionality for their dev tools that makes a lot of my shit work. It was on par with early VRchat SDK1 and SDK2 tools, which compared to SDK3 with Udon were beyond archaic. I tried to give that some love, but it's so far from ready to take the place of VRchat that I couldn't switch over. Maybe some day, though, CVR will be in a position where it's a suitable place to call my home in the metaverse.

So after dealing with VRC being broken for months on my machine, I finally figured out a workaround. Turns out my main issue where VRchat was crashing to desktop was because of some sandboxing options I had enabled way back when I was still running Windows 10. Disabling these settings fixed the crashing to desktop, but Oculus overlay still crashes any time the virtual desktops are used. This, however and unfortunately, is a documented issue because of how EAC works, and there's no real fix for it. In any case though, I can be me again. And while unfortunately a lot of my friends have left VRC entirely post EAC update, there's still enough to justify sticking around.

At the time of writing this, I'm a month out from hopefully receiving hormone replacement treatment and beginning my transition proper. It's a bit overdue, admittedly, but I know some day soon I'll feel comfortable in my own shell. For now, this will continue to be my escapism from the dysphoria that's plagued me for years.

Stay floofy~ 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈❤️

[webchargers6]

The Importance of Affordable Website Hosting Packages

In order for your brand to provide the audience with high-quality services, you must have reliable and Affordable Website Hosting Packages. Better performance and increased security are only two benefits of using hosting for a variety of applications, including blogs, websites, virtual marketplaces, and systems.

One of the most frequent queries regarding the significance of a quality hosting provider arises while starting a website or blog. Ultimately, excellent hosting is essential to any online project because it will store the data and make it accessible to users worldwide.

Stated differently, hosting bears the responsibility of guaranteeing that the virtual address is accessible to the whole public.

The assurance that, while visiting the website, all the content will be accessible for the clients to peruse the portions they desire is a huge benefit of having it.

We discuss the significance of hosting and how it affects a website's functionality in this post.

What makes a website good?

Why spend money on the functionality of your website?

What is the relationship between websites and hosting?

What benefits come with quality hosting services?

What effect does hosting a website have on SEO?

2022's Top Web Hosting Providers

How do I pick the best hosting company?

What determines a good website?

Indeed, certain attributes could differ based on the persona, or your ideal client, and naturally, the impact of the industry the business operates in. All websites must have a very basic checklist of components, though. They are listed in the following order:

Speed

From the website's initial development phase to its infrastructure and affordable website hosting packages. performance needs to be improved. Speed has a big impact on SEO, and a lot of factors play a part in that, including page size, hostinpòg, and image optimization.

Safety

Secure pages are prioritized by Google. Consequently, the higher the likelihood that your website may be compromised, the higher the probability that it will drop in search engine rankings. Given that the healing process can be protracted, it is therefore ideal to avoid that from occurring.

Content

Superior websites put the requirements of their users first rather than emphasizing their products. Users' attention is piqued and maintained by fresh, high-quality material, which encourages them to tell their friends and family about the website.

With the capabilities of our Web Chargers, you can meet your needs for site hosting and content marketing!

On-page SEO

A collection of methods known as search engine optimization (SEO) tries to raise a website's ranking in search engines like Google. It would be a waste of time and effort to get affordable website hosting packages without taking appropriate SEO tactics into account.

Conversion optimization

When a visitor completes a task on the website, such as providing contact information or making a purchase of a good or service, this is known as a conversion. Getting customers to the site only serves to frustrate them if they get lost en route. Using traffic much more effectively is the essence of optimizing a website for conversion. Conversion points are judiciously positioned throughout an optimized website to achieve this.

Why invest in your website’s performance?

The degree of visitor interaction increases with the page's performance. Therefore, you will undoubtedly make more money the more you invest in the site's speed and efficiency.

You should understand that performance is critical to your success online. The audience will leave your website and never return in a matter of seconds, therefore you will need to capture their interest.

So, users will undoubtedly quit the site if it takes a lengthy time to load.

That's not where it ends. Search engine ranking is also influenced by the site's performance. After all, a website that loads slowly will measure visitor experience metrics poorly, which will affect the site's ranking.

Check out some advantages that a well-performing website might provide for certain businesses:

A well-performing website contributes to leveling the playing field with rivals.

Additionally, it succeeds in boosting revenue, branding, and brand credibility.

When a website is search engine optimized, it increases the company's visibility.

In summary, underperforming websites have the potential to destroy your company!

What is the connection between hosting and websites?

The network environment known as website hosting is where website files and data are kept so they may be accessed online. In other words, a file that is made available on a server can be found by visitors from the domain registration. View the most prevalent forms of affordable website hosting packages:

The most popular type of hosting, shared hosting is advised for multiple websites. It is, after all, a more reasonably priced service with a wider range of resources.

Free hosting: Certain companies provide a free service that is best suited for smaller, more ambitious projects.

Virtual Private Server is referred to as VPS. For bigger projects, this hosting is the most advised hosting for larger projects.

Maintaining a website with high performance and activity is the purpose of affordable website hosting packages. The most typical elements to comprehend are:

Because there are frequent updates in the computer sector and many online entrepreneurs may not be familiar with troubleshooting bugs and similar issues, support is crucial.

The term "uptime" describes how long a website is operational. Certain organizations maintain a 99.9% uptime rate, which is crucial to ensure that users can access your content and are not left unhappy.

Everyone, even Google, is searching for security. Selecting a safe service with an SSL security certificate is crucial.

What are the advantages of good hosting services?

These are a few of the main advantages of a top-notch web hosting provider!

Better site performance

You won't have to worry about loading times with top-notch hosting. Remember that user engagement increases with the performance of the website.

Quicker response time

According to Google, a website's speed is one of the most important variables that affects its positioning. People demand answers right away since they make decisions so swiftly these days.

Therefore, if it takes too long for customers to find the answers they need on your website, they will go elsewhere and probably go for them from your rivals. A very short response time is guaranteed by good hosting.

Speed ​​for e-commerce and blog

Your blog or e-commerce procedures can be optimized with hosting, which will improve your website's speed and performance as well as save you time, and money, and finally increase your profit margins.

Exceptional technical support

If you operate a website and sell goods or services, you are well aware of how crucial it is to provide customer service. Your affordable website hosting package provider will function as an extension of your technical staff if you lack the necessary in-house technological expertise.

Domain-associated email addresses

You will be able to build your own unique domain email address when you use a hosting service provider.

Improved website security

Since the hosting service provider is where all of the site's files are kept, their security is the foundation of every website. Multiple security layers will be present on a high-quality host.

What is the impact of website hosting on SEO?

Everything that search engines need, including security and performance. When it comes to where a website appears in search results, website hosting is crucial. The following are some contributing factors:

everything that search engines need, including security and performance. When it comes to where a website appears in search results, website hosting is crucial. The following are some contributing factors:

Important components of search results are security, including secure servers, website unavailability, and the usage of security certificates.

Performance: When files load faster than your competitors' websites and your site has slower loading times than theirs, you will have an SEO benefit.

Better UX results in a higher conversion rate, more sales, and a positive user experience; Google also finds these indicators to be highly positive.

Hosting undoubtedly has an impact on the site's ranking in the search engine results.

Hosting undoubtedly has an impact on the site's ranking in the search engine results.

Lastly, remember that there are numerous high-quality website hosting providers. To choose the finest plan that will suit your needs and profile the best, you must have a clear understanding of what you need. Ensure that the hosting you receive offers a quick, safe, and round-the-clock service like Web Chargers.

[airasilver]

I’m shocked they actually published this. Here it is in case they get rid of it.

26 Times Men Pointed Out "Awful Things" Women Do, Giving Both Sides To The Story

BuzzFeed Staff

Recently, Reddit user u/angelicswan333 asked the men of the community, "What are some really bad habits a lot of women have?"

Men dove right in and gave a variety of responses. They've had different experiences, so some of the "bad habits women have" that have annoyed them range from pretty sexist to actually valid.

So, to get both sides of the story, here are some things men claim women do that have affected them one way or another.

1. "Smartphone 'addicts.' I don’t date someone who's always on social media — a woman without an Instagram is manageable. A woman without Instagram and Facebook is a unicorn."

—u/gio_sdboy

"This really should be mandatory — I quit Facebook in 2009 and Instagram in 2017. My husband doesn’t use social media either. We literally never argue and aren’t delusional about our expectations for each other. 'Social' media really ruins lives, relationships, and marriages."
​

—u/No-Desk560

2. "Weaponizing a breakup. When a girl does that to me (even if she doesn't mean it), I take it very seriously. You want to give up on the relationship just like that? Fine, but don't use or threaten me with the word 'breakup' if you don't mean it. Breaking up should be the last resort, if anything."

—u/94funny

3. "Thinking they’re more attractive than they really are, and having their friends affirm this false belief and then becoming delusional about it."

—u/stompywomp


4. "Talking too much about money/desired lifestyles within the first couple of dates, even on your profile. A lot of men don’t want to be seen as an ATM with a penis, and those who don’t mind that are more likely to see women as disposable. So, it really exposes them to a potential lose-lose situation."

—u/kinggeedra

5. "Buying and/or collecting things, just because. Things that are never used, and were never intended to be used. Just things to have and take up space in garages, spare rooms, and closets."

—u/poopinion


6. "Most of the women in my life have simply never said they were sorry about anything. If they say something mean to me, and I get any type of emotion over it, they immediately get defensive and tell me I'm being too sensitive. Then they flip it around on me, and I'm the bad guy."

—u/NagoGmo

"You mean S.I.G.N.?

Shame. Insult. Guilt. Need to be right."

—u/BigBadBootyDaddy10

7. "Not being able to accept the truth about how men feel."

—u/Warm_Gur8832

8. "Actively pursuing men they are not attracted to, then blaming them for it. Cheating and treating them badly for not being good enough without the men having any idea why."

—u/Turbulent_Ad_4403

9. "Not respecting privacy or any privileged information. Anything you tell her or show her, you are also telling her friends."

—u/mule_roany_mare


10. "Testing you — asking or doing something just to see what choice I make (my fiancé answered this). Both of his ex-girlfriends did that A LOT. He told me about it before we dated, so I've always tried to not ever do that."

—u/xtinarinaldi

11. "Always making excuses or saying I’m not good enough. 'It’s always my fault' is usually the typical response from most females when you confront them about anything. Women: Just own up to your faults and mistakes, and quit trying to make a production out of everything you get questioned on."

—u/airbornethic


12. "I've never had a girlfriend admit they were wrong, and it's the exact thing they have said about men for decades."

—u/TxAthlete42

"I've had a lot of women say something verifiably false. I provide the correct information and they say I'm wrong, double down, and don't let it go. I get the answer with verification and somehow I'm in the wrong for questioning her and 'having to be right.'"
​

—u/PregnancyRoulette

13. "Speaking negatively of men all at once. You speak truth to reality."

—u/Slothvibes

14. "Taking relationship advice from unhappy or chronically single women."

—u/serene_brutality

15. "Apologizing too much at work or in public."

—u/CarlJustCarl

16. "Believing that men can read minds."

—u/TheLandFanIn814

17. "Everything my wife does is a gift from heaven. Everything I do is expected, and still not enough."

—u/thecountnotthesaint

18. "Her being upset = my problem, me being upset = my problem. That, in turn, causes her to be upset (which is then also my problem). Basically, I’m not allowed to be upset or angry, it’s not valid, and I need to 'fix' myself."

—u/Junglestumble

19. "Willingly give criticism, but not being able to take it."

—u/GoneAWOL1
​

"I suffered an extreme case of this. My ex couldn’t take it when I asked if I could comment and she said 'yes,' only later to still cry, get angry, and blame me for it. She also had a pattern of delivering critique my way over ideas and I didn't say anything."

—u/ebonyseraphim

20. "Being too indirect in communication and passive in relationships."

—u/huuaaang

21. "'Main character' syndrome. I don't think it's intentional, but I see it so often. I wonder if it's something new or I'm just starting to notice it."

—u/thumbwrestleme

22. "I don't know if a lot of women have this habit, but I know of a few cases where they've weaponized sex. Some of my buddies' wives or girlfriends will use sex as a weapon in order to coerce certain behavior."

—u/kevfefe69

23. "Aligning the truth to their emotions. They will reject facts as the truth because it doesn't match their feelings, which is 'their truth.' Basically as their feelings change, the truth changes."

—u/thuswindburns

24. "Swiping people on dating apps, then leaving them hanging when they match."

—u/Largicharg


25. "Disrespecting their man in public."

—u/BickusDickus6969


26. And finally: "Giving unsolicited advice to their husband. For example, giving unsolicited tree-trimming advice to your husband this past weekend while standing out on the deck (that your husband built). This is just an example, of course..."

—u/CarlJustCarl


Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

[40sandfabulousaf]

大家好! Grace's and Douglas' home is in a new housing development area; many amenities in mature neighbourhoods, such as clinics, banks, coffee shops, etc, are under construction. This flat is much more spacious than their old one and there's a large mall which I intend to explore a few MRT stops away. The couple thought I'd cave in and take the car, so they were surprised when I turned up at their nearest MRT station! There's actually a bus I can take outside my home which will shorten the journey, so I'm looking forward to trying this out 😁

Back at the vegan cafe with Pa, I tried their new la mian with veggie broth (mala and tom yum soups are also available) and steamed cabbage, ginger, mushroom and tofu dumplings. The noodles - yes, noodles again - had a nice chewy texture, the veggie broth wasn't too salty and there were nai bai (bak choy), broccoli, shiitake as well as enoki mushrooms, sliced carrot and roasted tau kwa (firm tofu). The dumplings were also very tasty, especially when eaten with lots of vinegar and shredded ginger. They have new menu items that I'm keen to try, such as kimchi fried rice and a colourful veggie soba. We'll be back, that's for sure!

I had a whopping 8-plant yong tau foo soup comprising tofu, fu pi juan (tofu skin roll), egg, broccoli, brinjal, radish, carrot, seaweed, Napa cabbage and Chinese flower mushroom (this is the most fragrant mushroom ever, IMO). At a newly discovered yong tau foo stall, I selected pork and chive jiao zi (dumpling), egg, tofu, tau pok (tofu puff), baby corn, brinjal, okra, tomato, carrot, bitter gourd and radish. More noodles too because why not; the prawns and fish were fresh and the handmade pork balls were well seasoned. Also, a packed lunch of tomato scrambled eggs, fried mackerel, bak choy, straw mushrooms, cauliflower and broccoli. Finally, steamed fish, plus stirfried choy sum, kangkong and cabbage.

My secret iro avoiding long term medication at 46yo is, quite simply, lowering my dependence on oils, regardless of whether they're 'healthy fats' or not. Soup noodles and congee don't require 'healthy oils' like avocado or olive oil, so I skip those altogether; I eat nuts and seeds only as snacks or as supplements to tofu and other animal proteins. So I'm not so obsessive about olive or avocado oil when I cook at home; in fact I don't use them at all in stirfries, I use peanut oil. Grandma didn't use a drop of avocado or olive oil in her cooking and she didn't eat nuts and seeds; she kept Grandpa alive for 14 years after his second heart attack and she lived till 2 months shy of her 91st birthday - how? Steamed fish, lots of vegetables and alot of soups.

For flat-footed folks, high quality footwear is so much more vital since, without natural arches, our feet ache more quickly and more severely without proper support. I loved the Anta shoes I bought for walking so much, I purchased a different model in cream for weekend denim shorts and tank tops in neutral colours! Pa was impressed by how light they are, like my black walking pair, and the soles are spongy yet firm, offering good support for my flat soles. I wore them out and my feet didn't ache after a lot of walking so yup, great buy and I'm so happy! 下次见！

[solhwellness]

Impact of Grief on Mental Health | Solh Wellness

We have all experienced grief at some point in our lives, whether it was brought on by the death of a loved one or the loss of a job. We delay dealing with this emotion in these circumstances because we wish to ignore it because it is so unpleasant. However, this has a number of negative consequences for our mental health.

Grief is the emotional pain felt following a great loss, most frequently the passing of a loved one.  The "KUBLER ROSS MODEL" was first presented by Elizabeth Kubler Ross, one of the pioneers in the field of grief research, in her book "DEATH AND DYING."

The Kubler Ross Model , states that those experiencing grief go through a series of 5 emotions:

DENIAL

ANGER

BARGAINING

DEPRESSION

ACCEPTANCE

DENIAL- “This cannot be happening to me, this isn’t real”

In order to protect themselves from the agony, people go through a stage of sadness where they pretend nothing ever happened.

ANGER- “Why did it have to be me? this is not fair!”

Around here, people frequently feed unwarranted rage, jealously, and resentment.

BARGAINING- “If I just had a second chance I would…”

The person now starts to look for ways to prevent going through the loss. In this instance, the person tried to strike a deal by proposing to modify their way of life in exchange for another chance.

DEPRESSION-“What’s the point of it all…”

When confronted with the truth, a person may decide they don't want company, quit talking, or choose to be silent. The dying person experiences extreme sadness at this phase as they grow apart from all they love.

ACCEPTANCE- “Things will be okay”

Coming to terms with the loss is the first step in accepting death as a fact of life.

Shock, confusion, irritability, physical tiredness, an inability to carry out everyday duties, sleeping issues, indigestion, thoughts of self harm, difficulty concentrating, remorse, shame, higher stress levels, etc. are a few indications of grief. Some people may use detrimental coping mechanisms to get over their grief because they are unable to process what happened. There could be involvement with binge drinking, smoking, self-harm, and many other activities.

One such effect of loss is "grief brain," in which people experience brain changes that impede their ability to concentrate, recall information, and think clearly. If these symptoms persist for a considerable period of time, however, chronic grief disorder may be suspected.

Conclusion

Even though it could be dreadfully uncomfortable, processing grief is crucial. The phases of mourning, which, according to Elizabeth Kubler Ross, everyone goes through at least twice, can teach us a lot about how each person deals with loss.  Ineffective emotional processing may increase the risk of mental health problems.

Since we think that mental health is important, Solh Wellness has selected a variety of effective self-help techniques to improve your mental wellbeing. We provide a variety of services, including goal-setting, mood analysis, self-assessment tests, journaling, and access to a sizable collection of educational materials. Utilize our wide range of self-help resources to take control of your path to improved mental health and personal growth.

[thedisneychef]

What Stores Sell Recipe Cards? Tips and Options

I love trying new recipes, but sometimes it's hard to remember all the details. That's why I always keep a stash of recipe cards on hand so that I can easily access my favorite dishes whenever I need them. But where do you get these recipe cards? It turns out there are actually quite a few stores that carry them! In this article, I'll go over some of the places that sell recipe cards and give you an idea of what kind of selection they offer. So if you're looking for your next delicious meal inspiration, read on! Online Retailers I love planning meals out, especially when I have a full week ahead of me. To do this efficiently and effectively, I often turn to recipe cards for ideas and inspiration. With shopping trends ever changing, it can be difficult to know where to find quality recipe cards these days. Thankfully there are plenty of online retailers that carry them in stock! eBay is one great option - their prices are usually quite reasonable too. Amazon also carries an extensive range of recipes cards from different brands. Depending on the type you’re looking for - vintage, classic or contemporary - you're sure to find something that would suit your needs perfectly with either retailer. If you want more unique options then websites like Etsy might be worth checking out too; they offer lots of handmade pieces at competitive rates. All three sites allow customers to compare item reviews before making a purchase so take advantage of this feature if you feel unsure about any particular product! Ultimately though, no matter which platform you choose for buying recipe cards, just make sure it's from a reputable seller who provides reliable customer service and offers secure payment methods. Bookstores When it comes to finding recipe cards, bookstores can be a great place to start. Not only do these stores offer a wide selection of recipes for all kinds of dishes, but they also provide helpful cooking techniques and tips that are perfect for novice cooks. Shopping at the bookstore is an easy way to find exactly what you’re looking for without spending hours searching online. The vast majority of bookstores have sections dedicated solely to cookbooks and other resources related to food preparation. You can browse through selections from celebrity chefs or pick up classic cookbooks with tried-and-true recipes. On top of that, many bookstores carry specialty items such as recipe cards, which feature unique combinations of ingredients and flavors tailored specifically to your tastes. With hundreds of options available, it’s easy to find something that suits your needs. No matter whether you’re a professional chef or just starting out in the kitchen, visiting the bookstore is sure to leave you feeling inspired with plenty of ideas for delicious meals ahead! So if you want access to some great recipes and helpful advice on selecting them, head over to your local bookstore today –you won’t regret it! Grocery Stores I love exploring different grocery stores for the best selection of ingredients. But I'm always looking for the best prices, too. I recently discovered that some grocery stores sell recipe cards, which is really helpful for meal planning. I'm really excited to check out different stores to compare selection and prices and see which one I like the best. Grocery Store Selection I love meal planning and shopping for groceries, but it can be a hassle if you don't have the right recipes. One great way to make grocery shopping easier is to buy recipe cards from your local grocery store. Many stores will stock either pre-printed or homemade recipe cards that are perfect for adding variety to your meals. Not only do they provide delicious recipes with easy-to-follow instructions, many of them also contain ingredient lists so you can easily create your shopping list ahead of time. Recipe cards can help simplify the process of meal planning and save you time in the long run – no more searching through shelves of cookbooks! Grocery Store Prices Another important factor to consider when grocery shopping is the cost of food. Everyone has a different budget for groceries, and prices can vary from store to store. Even if you have found recipes that fit your tastes, it’s always wise to compare prices between stores before committing to one. Many times, I find that certain items are much cheaper at other places than where I usually shop! This helps me save money in the long run without sacrificing on quality ingredients or taste. It also allows me to stick within my cooking costs and stay within my food budget. Plus, with all the extra savings, I can afford some treats every now and then! Craft Stores I love going to craft stores for all of the creative ideas and supplies. DIY recipes can be found there, too! In particular, recipe cards come in a variety of styles, shapes, sizes, and colors. I always end up picking out dozens of different ones at once because they are so cute and inspiring. In addition to shelf-stable cards with suggested recipes on them, many craft stores also sell blank recipe card sets that you can customize yourself. This is great if you want to make your own unique set of recipes or just get more creative with how you organize your recipes. You'll find everything from wood block holders to decorated boxes that hold a full stack of recipe cards. No matter what type of recipe card I'm looking for, I know I can always find something special at my local craft store. It's definitely one of my favorite places to browse when it comes time to stock up on new DIY recipes and creative ideas! Specialty Shops Moving on from craft stores, specialty shops are another great place to find recipe cards. These shops offer a variety of items tailored to specific dietary needs and special dietary restrictions. Whether you’re looking for vegan-friendly recipes or need gluten-free options, these specialty stores have it all! You can also find plenty of organic products here too – perfect if you’re trying to eat healthier. And don’t worry about breaking the bank either, many of these stores sell their items at an affordable price. So whatever your cooking preference may be, there’s sure to be something that catches your eye in one of these unique specialty shops. All in all, specialty shops are a great option for those seeking out recipe cards with specialized ingredients or diets in mind. Frequently Asked Questions How Do I Make Sure I'm Getting The Most Up-To-Date Recipe Cards? When it comes to making sure you're getting the most up-to-date recipe cards, meal planning can be a great time saver. By taking a few minutes each week to plan out your meals and write down the ingredients needed for each one, you can make sure that you always have the right recipe cards on hand when you need them. You can also look online or at stores like Target and Walmart to see if they carry any new recipes that may fit into your meal plan. Are There Any Recipe Cards That Are Vegan Or Vegetarian-Friendly? Are you looking for vegan or vegetarian-friendly recipe cards? Great news--there are plenty of plant-based alternatives out there! Not only can these recipes offer great health benefits, but they're also delicious and easy to follow. Whether you're a beginner in the kitchen or an experienced chef, finding vegan and vegetarian recipe cards is easier than ever before. Look online for some amazing options that will help you create healthy and flavorful dishes with ease! Are There Any Recipe Cards That Are Tailored To Special Dietary Needs? Yes, there are recipe cards tailored to special dietary needs! Whether you're looking for cooking substitutes due to allergies or just want to be more aware of what ingredients can work in a dish, these recipe cards give you the details and tips needed. Some even come with conversion charts so that it's easier for home cooks to improvise based on their unique dietary requirements. So if you need help adapting recipes for vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, nut-free, dairy-free diets and more check out some of the available recipe cards! Are There Any Recipe Cards That Are Specifically Tailored To My Region? Yes, there are definitely recipe cards that are tailored to your region. These can be great for utilizing localized ingredients and seasonal flavors in your dishes. Whether you're looking for a classic regional dish or something new with a local twist, these recipe cards have it all! Plus, they'll introduce you to different cuisines from within your area so you won't miss out on anything! Are There Any Recipe Cards That Come With Extra Tips Or Tricks? Yes, there are plenty of recipe cards that come with extra cooking tips and seasonal variations. For example, you could look for recipe cards from specialty stores that include advice on ingredients to use in certain seasons or the best techniques to follow while making a dish. Additionally, many online retailers offer cards with step-by-step instructions as well as helpful hints to ensure your food comes out perfectly every time! Conclusion When it comes to finding the perfect recipe cards for your needs, it's important to do some research. Checking out what stores sell recipe cards is a great way to make sure you're getting the most up-to-date items available and that they suit your dietary requirements or regional tastes. Additionally, look out for special tips and tricks included with certain recipes which can help take your cooking skills to the next level. With all these options in mind, you'll be able to find just the right recipe cards for any occasion! Read the full article

[softwater3452]

Water Treatment Specialty Systems Rust Removing, Tannin Removal, Dealkalizers

We tried every thing together with the self cleaning cycle using bleach, vinegar and baking soda and nothing worked. I appeared up water softener corporations and Soft Water Specialists got here up and I noticed that that they had nice specialty water treatment systems critiques. I requested a couple of questions and he stated he may cease by in a couple of hours. Matt arrived with Trevor, examined our water and defined what we needed to resolve our points.

A proper industrial water treatment systemwill treat your facility’s water so it is extra applicable for a given use, whether for consumption, manufacturing, and even disposal. That said, each system will vary relying on the facility’s needs and most of the technologies that make up these systems could be related. North America area market is predicted to have the utmost progress rate over the forecast interval. North America market accounted for $8,456.three million in 2018 and is predicted to grow with a CAGR of seven.0% within the forecast period. The market in the North America region is predicted to grow due to the presence of huge variety of industrial firms, rise within the disposable earnings and higher living normal.

Your residence's water is unique and may require a special resolution. At Clean Water Center, we've a wide range of cartridge filters that can be custom-made to suit specialty water treatment systems the needs of your water. These water points may be successfully treated no matter your home’s size and your family’s budget.

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When it comes to providing pure water to your loved ones, you don't need a 'one dimension fits all' solution. That is why the water treatment consultants at Evolve® present specialized cartridge filters, equipment, and more, assuring you the fresh water you deserve, with solutions tailored to your personal home. American Plumbing Heating & Excavation is an area Montana company familiar with Billings well water and river water points.

Systems of this product range remove impurities and particles from water at efficiencies greater than 99%. Range of hygienic water treatment solutions for the meals and beverage industries. AMI alkaline mineral filter enriches water with essential minerals together with calcium and magnesium, offering fresh pH-balanced alkaline drinking water. These filters comprise specialty water treatment systems medias that are specially designed to remove specific contaminants from the water. The best water treatment system is the one that's simply right for you and your home. Figuring out which water filter you have to do the job could be tricky!

Kwater Treatment offers the best properly specialty water filters possible, schedule your free water evaluation and get to the underside of what’s flowing from your faucet. If you have any questions regarding well specialty water filters, don’t hesitate to contact us right now so we will answer your questions. That’s why Kinetico Water Systems offers Well Specialty Water Filters, the progressive solution that tackles your distinctive water concerns.

Kinetico’s single-tank Neutralizer balances the pH of water to remove a metallic style or forestall damage to plumbing brought on by acidic water. Whole-house reverse osmosis system is a saltless solution used to resolve quite a lot of water issues all through the home. Water treatment firm headquartered in Myerstown, Pennsylvania. We have over forty years of installing and servicing specialty systems. A whole home system that uses state-of-the-art reverse osmosis, four levels of enhanced filtration to filter out up to 99% of the contaminants that standard filtration leaves behind.

[missguomeiyun]

Crossing the bridge noodles

I’ve tried basically all the Korean noodle soup “kits”, but here’s a post on a kit that’s for “Crossing the bridge” noodles.

“Crossing the bridge” noodles is the same given to the signature noodle dish of Yunnan province. I’ve been there for vacation in the past & .. . I mean, the dish was good, I remember enjoying it, but it’s not one of those delicacy or fancy dishes. It’s more like a comfort food - type of thing. There are now several restaurants in Edmonton selling this one of noodle. The special thing about this noodle dish can be summarized in 2 main points:

1. Use of ‘fat’ rice noodles

2. The noodles, toppings & soup are separately presented & the eater basically combines everything in the bowl that contains the soup (ie: the soup bowl is the largest & is the bowl that you eat from).

There are various versions, as you can imagine. Traditionally, the broth is pork-based, & the toppings range from ground pork, wood ear fungus, bamboo shot, scallion etc.. .

As the times changed, there’s now like vegetarian versions, & “fusion” options. The kit that I got is the mushroom flavour.

The prep method is simple. Sadly they don’t have English cooking instructions provided. But it says to boil 500mL of water, add all the things (including the noodles & the little packets) .. cook until noodles are done & then (option) add your proteins & veggies of choice for an enhanced flavour.

Here are the contents. I LOVEEEEE the packaging/design on them!!!

It is a kit for 2 servings so there’s 2 noodle packs. However, I find the toppings/sauce packs weird.. . Why? Well, there’s 2 noodles but everything else is 1 pack, which means. .. you gotta cook both servings at the same time! The instructions did not specify if the 500mL is for 1 serving or 2. But bcos of how the packets are portioned, I believe the 500mL is for 2 noodles AND all the packets.

From L to R, & then the 2nd row:

Instructions card; dried bean curd; noodle no.1; noodle no.2; watery sauce; dehydrated vegetables; soy beans; thick sauce; ‘soup’ (contained oil).

Cooking instructions card; pink packet of dried bean curd, 2 packs of noodles

Sauce; dehydrated veggies pack; soy beans; another sauce, & “soup” base.

The noodle pack close-up

The back of the noodle pack. It says “the flavour of Yunan is inside”.

Holyyyyyy the noodles were small! o_O !!

* I deviated from the cooking instructions. I don’t use the noodle-water as soup. I always cook noodles first, then discard the water, & start with a new pot of water.

=/  .. . errrrrr...... MOST kits for 2 servings is more like 1.5 servings for me but this is insane. The 2 noodles together is less than my usual 1 serving!!

The noodle didn’t take long to cook & here’s why: it’s not the ‘fat’ rice noodles I imagined. The kit contains ^this kind of rice noodle. It’s like slightly thicker than vermicelli but not as thick as “regular” rice noodles. It was an in-between size. Furthermore, the noodles weren’t chewy, like rice noodles. They break apart pretty easily, which resembled vermicelli more.

So much toppings! I did not add anything else to my noodle bowl :O

It does look like the a legit noodle bowl dish. I was quite amazed! I love all the variety of stuff in this. I typically don’t like beans but this was ok. The dried bean curd was interesting- as you cook it, you can see it slowly unravel & become loose.

I was confused by all the sauces. I gave each one a little taste before pouring it into the water. They pretty much all taste the same to me - just salty lol but in the end, I ended up with a rich bowl of soup broth. It actually looked like something that you could order at a restaurant. I couldn’t taste any distinct flavour in the broth (not meat-y, not seafood-y, not bean-y),.. .  but it was pleasant, & despite a lot of oil, it didn’t feel/taste that greasy. It definitely had restaurant vibes haha

I highly recommend!

[theshelbyclan]

Mine

Summary: When she took a job at the night club, all the second Shelby sister wanted was to be in control of her own life. Unfortunately, her brothers don’t approve

(gif by @tatianapetrovna​)

A/N: Okay so this one took me ages, because I spend way too much time researching the history of dance, of prejudice and even old maps and descriptions of 1920’s Birmingham XD All because anon requested: Thura, you wonderful wonderful person. I’ve been saving this request and waiting for your requests to reopen for your talents. Could I please request a Shelby sister where she loves dancing and becomes an exotic dancer at a club, and of course her brothers are horrified when they find out but she manages to convince them that it’s all for her own empowerment Historically, I hope this is all correct, but I put my best woman onto the research as well as I did my own research. There’s no such thing as an exotic dancer yet at that time, or at least the term doesn’t exist, but things like ‘dancing girls’ or ‘the variety’ obviously do exist. These forms of variety were more entertainment for the upper class btw, because they didn’t have to bother with mores as much. You did have different kinds of ‘music hall’ entertainment, a little similar, which was more the working-class entertainment. This wasn’t prostitution, but there were a lot of grey areas. Either way, all women up on the stage, whether they performed half-naked or not, were suspected and accused of prostitution. Legally, the Criminal Law Amendment of 1885, the law that also made ‘gross indecency’ between men punishable, also dealt with sex trafficking and blurred the lines between acting and prostitution even more.

Shelby sis a few years younger than Ada in this, 18, older than Finn, and this takes place around season two. Hope you like this! Words: 3411 ***

Ada’s London home still looked like a vardo, you thought, as you sat on the brightly coloured sofa in het front room. Sure, it was big and fancy, provided to her by Tommy, but half the rooms weren’t being used. The maids’ rooms in the back of the house were simply gathering dust, because Ada couldn’t bear it on her political conscience. And the furniture, well, it wasn’t very different from their interior at Watery Lane: a strange mixture of old items and always a little too colourful and crowded to be properly respectable. 

“What?” your sister demanded, reading the deep thoughts on your face. “I like your home,” youquickly said. “Liar,” Ada threw back, “What’s brought you here, then?” You got straight to the point, “I’m sick of Tommy looming over me like I’m still a child. And it’s not just him. John feels he can interfere in whatever I’m doing as well, keeps banging on about me getting married. Even Arthur keeps taps on where I’m going and where I’ve been. I feel like a fucking prisoner in my own house.” “Ah,” Ada said sarcastically, “Welcome to the life of a Shelby woman. Must’ve been nice, being their little princess, but now it’s time to grow up.” “And that’s what I fucking want! I want to be able to make my own way.” “Well, you can’t sweetheart, not while they’re around. Remember I moved to London to get away from them? And here I am: sitting in Tommy Shelby’s fucking house,” she sipped her drink a little too aggressively. You downed yours and sighed, “You got married, Ada. I have no fucking intention of doing that.” “Oh? Why not?” “No one’s good enough.” Ada laughed, “Bravo.” The two of you sat in silence for a while. In many ways, you were very similar. Two sisters, quite close in age, who were Shelby’s without a doubt, but sick of the business. Ada coped with all of it by distancing herself, through sarcasm and aloofness. You had tried to do the same and cursed your Shelby name in silence, but your brothers wouldn’t let you. They were always so protectiveand it irritated you to no end. Even when you decided to buy a dress for yourself, one that you had picked out, it was theirmoney you were spending. “I want out, Ada.” “So get out.” *** Being a woman in the 20’s wasn’t easy. You’d heard talk of women being more liberated now, of fighting for their rights and being able to control their own lives. This may have been the case for rich upper-class women or those without brothers, being able to march in protests, but not when you were a Shelby from Small Heath. As you walked through muddy streets, you saw all those women selling their bodies and you wondered: were they free? Did they choose? Probably not. Not here. At night, you loved to dance. Often, you walked for over an hour to get to a pub or club where your brothers wouldn’t find you. The Shelby name did help you there, it meant they served drinks to a woman alone, but it wasn’t so much about drinking alone. What mattered to you was the feeling of freedom, of going out and a party never seeming to end. Of dancing, dancing and dancing, and no one telling you to stop. And so you walked until you ended up at the club where you wanted to be. Being blessed with the Shelby good looks wasn’t a bad thing either. Outside, you saw the rich and fancy young men lining up. They didn’t have to worry about their reputation, they didn’t even have to worry about getting arrested, because if they were, the judge would simply let them get off with a simple fine, which they would be able to pay easily. “Alright, fella’s!” you called out cheerfully, turning on your best smile. At once, you noticed them checking you out. You made sure you’d put on your best dress and just as easy as that, you were on the arm of one of them, and he happily paid your fee for you to get inside. “Dance with me, sweetheart,” he breathed into your ear, already drunk by the smell of things. Intoxicated by the music and atmosphere, you danced and forgot all about being a Shelby. Drinks were offered to you left and right, so you eventually had to excuse yourself to visit the powder room. Another girl eyed you as you were fixing your lipstick. She asked, a smile playing around her lips, “First time out in ages, love?” “Nah,” you replied, “But it feels like that sometimes. Finally, free again.” The girl laughed and you noticed how absolutely gorgeous she was, pearly white teeth blinking against dark brown skin and a skirt that seemed to sway even when she didn’t move. Immediately, you were envious of her and all that she represented. She said, “You work at the Alex?” The Alexandra Theatre offered many variety acts and you knew your brothers went there on occasion. What really went on in there, you couldn’t be sure, but you were certain they’d never want you to come along. “No,” you sighed, “My brothers would kill me.” “Luckily I don’t have to worry about mine anymore,” the girl replied airily, “All of us girls, we got ourselves a lodging together. The people don’t approve, but we’re free to do as we please.” “I want that,” you said, without even realising you’d spoken out loud.

“Well, you can, sweetheart,” she turned to you, “If you really want it.” “How?” “I know a man who can get you a job at the Hippodrome. I mean, I’ve seen you; you’re good with people and you know how to dance. And if you ever need a place to stay, if your brothers kick you out, you’re always welcome to stay with us.” Everything she said made you feel so excited, but also scared. And then you asked doubtfully, “Why would you help me?” “Oh, I was once a lot like you. You want to get out, right? You want to make your own money and have your own life. Fuck what people will think of you, they’ll judge you no matter what, at least you can decide on this. You decide to dance and who to make eye contact with and who can touch you and most of all, who fuckingcan’t. Men no longer control your body, only you. That’s what you want, isn’t it, sweetheart?” And that was exactly what you wanted. ***

Weeks had gone by and you were managing your double life quite well. Your brothers were busy with doing whatever it was they were doing and Ada kept her mouth shut. She was too busy trying to not be a Shelby anyway. At the club, you’d met the most amazing girls and had finally found likeminded souls. It was as if they belonged to a different era. The idea of girls having so much freedom to work, earn their own money and just have a good time in the process had been mind-blowing to you, but so, so liberating.

At first, you’d only been a background dancer for the different variety acts, but eventually you’d moved up to doing your own acts as well. Your fan-dance was particularly popular amongst the rich student boys. And, truth be told, you loved the attention. You loved being up on the stage, dancing away and being no longer made to cover up. Of course, many wanted more of you than just to watch you, but you still managed to turn them away with just a cheeky laugh or a decisive ‘no’. This was the life for you, you were certain.

Aunt Polly, however, did have her suspicions and one night she straight up told you, “Are you safe, working down at that club?” You’d tried to deny it at first, but there was no point: Polly had seen you exit the club and you quickly realized she knew everything going on in Birmingham. “Take this,” she’d told you and handed you a small revolver, “It’ll fit down your dress.” You’d protested a little, but knew she was right: better safe than sorry. Still, you didn’t plan on living like this forever. Freedom was limited if it meant you had to sneak about in the evenings and lie to everyone you loved. The girl you’d met at the club kept on offering you a room though and you thought seriously about taking her up on her offer. This, however, would force your hand: you’d have to tell your brothers about your work. *** It was a few days after your brothers had had their holiday in London. You’d come home from work late at night and Tommy was sitting there, waiting for you in the kitchen. “And where have you been?” he demanded, darkly. “Out.” He nodded slowly, but kept looking at you, “I have contacts inside the factories, Y/N. They tell me you no longer work there.” Obviously, you’d given up your job at the BSA, because why would you do both? “You always told me there was no need for me to work,” you threw back, “You always said that you’d take care of me.” “I did. But you never wanted that, did you? You wanted to be your own fucking woman.” Head held high, you asked, “What’s wrong with that?” “Nothing,” Tommy shrugged, “If you don’t mind people talking.” “Fuck people.” “Where did you get the coat, Y/N?” he fired next. “I bought it.” But you realised your mistake at once. Tommy smiled coldly, “With what money? There was nothing taken from the safe.” You started fidgeting a little and turned on your heels, planning to make a quick getaway. Your brother continued, “See, me and John and Arthur went to London today. Business. And we went down to the Eden Club, you might have heard of it? And the things I saw there, Y/N… The music and the booze and all those fucking half-naked girls, men fucking them right there in their seats. Nothing but fucking maniacs out there…”

“Get to the point, Tommy.” Tommy’s eyes went dark again and he pointed at you, “They might as well be fucking you.” “I’m not fucking anyone!” you protested. But he slammed a hand down on the table, “I know you’re working at once of those clubs, Y/N, and you tried to keep it a secret, but guess what? Nothing happens in this city without my consent. And you’re not having it.” The same fury you saw in him was rising up in you as well, “You don’t control me, Tommy.” “I do. And you will do as I say.” He whispered venom, “I will discuss this with your brothers, but I can tell you right now, they feel the same. So here it is: you’ll stop working there right fucking now.” “No!” you shouted out, “I fucking won’t!” “I will not have a fucking whorefor a sister!”

That hurt, so you turned around and left. Behind you, you heard Tommy shouting, “You’ll stop, you hear me?” *** But you didn’t stop. You just told the other girls you were sick and had to take off work for a few days. The boss wouldn’t put up with it for much longer though. For another week you kept pretending you had errands to run or friends to meet at night, but your brothers would no longer let you out of their sight. Surprisingly enough, none of them approved. One night, you’d had enough and the warning had come that if you didn’t dance tonight, your job would go to another. So, putting on your best dress, you were planning to leave the house and no one was going to stop you. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Arthur growled from the betting shop. You hadn’t even noticed his presence. “Out.” “Tommy’s told us…” he started. “Yes, I know what he’s told you, alright?” you said without patience, “He told you your sister is a whore who fucks rich men for money, right?” Arthur looked down, but repeated, “You’re not going nowhere.” “Watch me,” you hissed and made your way to the door, but Arthur grabbed your arm before you could leave. At once, you spun around and slapped him, shouting, “Get the fuck off me!” But your brother was the stronger one, raising his voice to drown yours out, trying to calm you down, but to no avail. That’s when John came running, bellowing, “What the fuck is going on here?” “She defied Tommy’s orders, John,” Arthur explained, “She’s still working at that club.” “Fucking orders,really?” you breathed. John sighed, and for a moment you thought he’d side with you, but then he said, “I’ll go and get Tommy.”

“I’m going to be late,” you tried desperately to sound casual, as all three brothers now gathered around you. Tommy smoked emotionless, “And maybe then they’ll fire you instead of you leaving like I fucking told you to.” Roughly, you pulled back your arm from Arthur’s grip, “ And I fucking told you, Thomas, I’m keeping this job. Now, if you don’t want me living here anymore because I’m such a fucking embarrassment to the good Shelby name, I’ll move out!” “Move out to where?” he scoffed. “A friend has a place where I can stay.” “Fine,” he raised his eyebrows, “Go and fucking live with her.” “Thomas,” your aunt had now also joined the party, “Let’s talk about this first.” “There’s nothing to talk about, Aunt Pol,” Arthur said, “It’s all in hand.” “I can see that,” she replied sarcastically, “I’m guessing this is about Y/N’s new job?” John looked at Polly, “You knew about this?” “Of course, I do. Nothing goes on in this house without me knowing about it.” John turned back to you, “Why the fuck would you think you can do that job without any danger?” “Because I have a gun!” Smiling, you held up the weapon that you’d just produced from your garter. “Pol, I decided,” Tommy continued, “She’s not doing it.” “Why!” you called out, exasperated, “Why are you all so against it? I mean, it’s not fucking morals that’s the problem, is it? We’re the Shelby’s! And people already think we’re scum, so who the fuck cares!” “It’s not safe,” John replied at once. And you actually believed his main worry was for your safety. After all, he’d been the one who had wanted to marry Lizzie Stark. The others had all laughed at him. Hell, even you had. And in that very moment, your view of him and that entire situation, which had seemed so funny back then, changed. “It’s not… right,” Arthur protested. You rolled your eyes at that, “You, all of you, all the time, pay for sex. Don’t fucking tell me it’s not right.” “So, that’s what you do, eh?” Tommy asked, “You sell sex.” “No!” “And you somehow think we’d be alright with that,” he continued, voice softening a little bit, “It’s not alright, Y/N.” Polly looked from him to you, and said, “She doesn’t, Tommy. She’s a dancer.” “What’s the fucking difference?” he laughed. “This is the last time I’m going to say this:” you sighed, “I do not fuck men for money!” Three pairs of eyes looked sceptically back at you. “I’m a dancer, like Aunt Polly said. I do the variety on most nights, when they do they sketches about the politicians? I’m a background dancer.” You paused for a moment, “And recently I’ve also been asked to do some solo performances. It’s just me dancing on stage, yes I’m not covered from head to toe, but I’m up on stage. No one can touch me. My body is there to look at, nothing else.” “Your body is there to look at,” Tommy shook his head, cynical smirk playing about his lips. “Yes,” you hissed, “Because whether you like it or not, my body is mine. I fucking decide what I do with it and you know what? I’m fucking beautiful and everyone over there thinks so. And I’m good at dancing, Tommy, I’m actually really fucking good at it. But I dance, because I decide. I can flaunt all of it, because it’s mine.” Arthur still had a very dark expression, “What about after the show. Me and John, we’ve been to the Alex, so we know what the girls do…” “They walk around, chat up the men and sip their drinks while sitting on their laps,” you filled in the blanks, “I know.” “Oh, they do a lot more than that,” John smirked, but he quickly looked down to hide it. “But I don’t.” “Why would you even want to do this?” John looked up, “Why this of all the things you can do?” “Why not?” you threw back, “I’m good at it, I’m making my own money, and for the first time I don’t feel ashamed or scared for being a woman.” Tommy shook his head again, “You’re being exploited, Y/N.” “That’s rich coming from you,” Aunt Polly laughed, “So it’s alright if you go to them, alright for you to exploit them, but not when your sister dances out of her own free will?” “Do we have a man inside?” John asked Tommy, “Like the doorman?” And when tommy nodded, he said, “I’ll talk to him and make sure he looks out for Y/N.” “You’re bloody agreeing to this?!” Arthur shouted. John only shrugged in reply, but when you shared a look with him, you knew he understood.

Arthur opened his mouth again, but you quickly cut him off, “It’s feminism, Arthur, and you wouldn’t understand.” “What the fuck is feminism?” “Exactly.” Now the only one left to deal with was Tommy and he was obviously the most adamant one. Stubborn and angry, he stood there, cigarette against his lips. But he wasn’t the only Shelby who wouldn’t budge when pushed; you could be just as stubborn as he was. “If you hate men looking at me or the idea of them paying for my body, maybe you should reconsider using women like that yourself, Tommy,” you fired. He locked eyes with you, which made you more nervous than anything he could’ve said. Then ground out, “That’s the thing, Y/N, I know men.” “Oh, so do I, Tommy. Better than you do, I’m sure, especially now that I’ve worked this job.” He rolled his eyes. “Listen to me,” you urged, “Because I know you can understand. It’s all just a game, everything I do is a game. I do what I’m good at and I show them what they can’t have, and they fucking pay for it. They pay for what they can’t have, and even you have to be impressed by that. I know how they think, these rich boys at the Hippodrome, and when they think I like them or just talk to them for a second, they’ll give me everything I want. The rich toffs in control? I can play them all. I’m in control, Tommy. I am. They think the girls are easy? Theyare. They don’t buy me and I don’t sell sex. I own them.” A glimpse of something like recognition passed over Tommy’s face and you knew what you said made sense to him. Because in many ways, you weren’t as different. “You think I’m a whore?” you asked, “You really think so?” He looked down and thought about it. Then he said, “Everyone’s a whore. We just sell different parts of ourselves.” “Exactly.” And that’s when you knew he did understand. “Let her go,” Polly said softly after a while. “Fine, you can go,” your brother finally agreed, “But you come to me if there’s any trouble.” With a smile, you nodded. “Also, don’t expect to see us in there,” Arthur grumbled, sounding a little sad that he could no longer come to the club now that his baby sister was working there. Absolutely excited, you sprinted out the door, because you really were running late now. But after about a minute, you came back running inside again. “Now what?” John asked. “I forgot my feathers!” you called out, while thumping up the stairs. “Fucking feathers,” Tommy sighed. And with your most charming smile, you came hurrying back down again, “For my fan-dance!” But none of the brothers really wanted to know. *** Masterlist