#i tried not to make it SUUUPER heavy but obviously its going to be heavy nonetheless due to subject matter

[peridoxikal-redux]

Rebirth Through Destruction - A Character Study

Now available on Ao3!

Words: 3,744

(CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE MOONBROOKE ARC OF DRAGON QUEST BUILDERS 2)

How is one truly supposed to feel when someone they trusted destroys their mind and bonds?

A study into the Builder's state of mind while facing Warwick.

[myrfing]

🍊 What is your OC’s favourite meal? Snack? Dessert? Drink? Any reasons behind this besides liking how it tastes?What is your OC’s most hated food? Stuff they can’t stand to eat or drink? AND 💙 What did your OC want to be when they grew up and why? Did they have any lifelong dreams or ambitions they never got to work on or are they currently working to achieve this dream? Has their life taken a very unexpected turn and put all these plans on hold for a while or have they given up on any dreams?

le marz has arrived....mvp....thank you

🍊 What is your OC’s favourite meal? Snack? Dessert? Drink? Any reasons behind this besides liking how it tastes? What is your OC’s most hated food? Stuff they can’t stand to eat or drink?

GOURD really likes skewers. any kind of skewers. you can put anything on it so it's kind of cheating but he likes spicy lamb and fish skewers the most. also laghman. and uhh fish soup with the whole fish and its bones so the broth turns white...he doesn't get to eat it again until he reunites with his birth mom like 15 years later though. He had tried a couple of times to replicate the vague memory of the recipe before then but never could.

For snacks, he likes jerky or any fresh fruit or roasted chestnuts. He got used to eating jerky on the road and on the contrary found fresh fruit to be a treat. Dessert wise, he actually really likes fairly simple confections like caramels or konpeito...and he likes fruit juice. hes jice. He's really not picky and doesn't really HATE anything, but he's not suuuper fond of ishgardian fare, especially their dessert dishes...he doesn't like the jammy sickeningly sweet heavy syrupy stuff. The big exception to Ishgardian stuff is gingerbread cookies.

STRIKE REAAAAALLY loves anything with coconut milk...coconut cod chowder, hamsa curry. His favorite Thavnairian restaurant got blown up with rabanastre so he's upset about that. He also likes spicy food like Gourd. For snacks, he likes chews made of flowers you can find growing around the golmore...he likes floral tastes? In this vein, he likes floral teas and alcohols, and likes luxurious liquor chocolates lol. He avoids too much fried food because he feels like it slows him down & even though he likes the taste eating big game makes him feel lonely. because he remembers having people to share the huge amount of meat with Lol & tons of memories of hauling and skinning and preserving hunts alone. he likes to go eat fancy dishes and recipes that obviously take a lot of different sources to make.

💙 What did your OC want to be when they grew up and why? Did they have any lifelong dreams or ambitions they never got to work on or are they currently working to achieve this dream? Has their life taken a very unexpected turn and put all these plans on hold for a while or have they given up on any dreams?

GOURD...wanted to be one of the Spires forever, so just a merc do-gooder. And well....he's kind of living the dream as an adventurer LMFAOOOO he's never felt unsatisfied as one. He's never had big dreams? He's wanted small stuff like "I want to learn how to use the bow like Berg" or "I want to learn how to weave like Yulie" and his interest in those things coupled with the fact that he usually took an interest in them because someone next to him was doing it, who was willing to teach him, made him pick up a lot of skills. That's kind of all he wanted. When they died, those dreams froze with them, but throughout his travels he's learned that there are tons more people out there willing to share these things with him. One particular one was that he was supposed to set out on a yearlong journey with the 2nd youngest member of the Spires when he was 16, as their own way of learning to grow up outside the nest, but he vanished in the wake of the Calamity as well.

STRIIIKE. ok sicko joke he wanted to be a wood warder. Like he was enthusiastic about it. heartfelt. He loved the idea of fulfilling his part in protecting the village. He reveled in the fact that he was EXTREMELY talented at all the skills required to be one, he loved the praise and faith others showed him...when they were around to do it. It's just the fact of this one core tenet of being a warder aka Being Extremely Alone Forever was completely unbearable to him. He was unable to stand it and gave it and everything else up. He knows he will never get that back and he hates that he wasn't able to endure it even if he acts like he's totally confident and over it. After being given access to a library that belonged to a Sharlayan researcher & her gleaner apprentice, his dream is to experience a bunch of new and crazy shit and go anywhere he wants because he can now and if he gave up being a warder then he should at least totally live it up out here. His real dream at the core of this is to find a place to belong with people who love him. Lol.

He does absolutely live up to it though, he's trawled around a good area and seen and done a lot of things that he never could have in the wood. He's extremely well read and worldly despite his like...attitude. He's learned a lot of languages, even without the echo. unfortunately a lot of this time was spent sellswording to armies in the areas he went to and he saw like...actual war and mass death and shit for the first time. which was like okay so i guess the village wasn't lying about how ugly shit can get out here. After some unfortunate incidents he goes and sort of fixes himself in Rabanastre & takes on smaller scale jobs & is honestly a bit adrift until he gets freaky friday'd which sets off the chain of events that leads him to meet gourd.

[readingaccountability]

snow crash - neal stephenson

my playlist (because of The Way That I Am)

final thoughts:

okay, im going to be honest right out of the gate- i cant decide whether this is a book id recommend or not. it was really fun for the most part, but personally there was a lot more exposition than id like. the early portions of the novel have exposition which feels completely fair, mostly things relating to worldbuilding. stephenson creates his own vision of future america, and some places online referred to it as cyberpunk, and some as post-cyberpunk. id be more in the latter camp, mostly due to the way he plays with tropes, leaving the reader unsure of which will be subverted and which wont.

the use of language was really fun, and i enjoyed the worldbuilding a lot. his vision of a futuristic capitalistic earth feels surreal in its immediacy and recognizability. the back jacket blurb ends with "a future america so bizarre, so outrageous, you'll recognize it immediately." which, yeah. a texan info-tech magnate? two competing corporations owning the highway system? suburban city-states? this was another enjoyable thing- everything was colorfully named, and names treated totally normally, which kind of poked fun at how we have everyday things named very ludicrously and for the most part we are totally blind to it.

one aspect i really enjoyed was that the author often doesn't make certain things clear to the audience, until he does, and then it becomes necessary to reassess the entire story and setting. this goes to underscore the theme of the importance of information and the ways we take it in and perceive the world based upon it. for example, we don't learn that y.t. is fifteen until maybe 75 pages in, at which point a lot makes sense in retrospect. the same thing occurs in the worldbuilding, as suddenly a detail is given in passing and the reader must incorporate it into the setting, which by default we assume to be similar in many ways to our idea of america. it keeps the reader on their toes as well as furthering the worldbuilding. for the most part, the tech stuff didnt feel outdated to me, despite being a future projected out from '92.

however, aspects of the book are definitely very 1992. id put these into two camps: the first, being that the book does at different times use slurs. the main character is black and asian, the n word is used a few times by racist side-character/antagonist types, as are a few other racial slurs. there was also the occasional usage of the r slur, within the narrative prose itself, rather than usage as an insult within dialogue.

the protagonist, who is named, unfortunately, hiro protagonist, is a great character and felt very fleshed out to me, though at times he reminded me more of dirk strider than normally would be ideal. (its obvious that stephenson and andrew hussie are of a similar type of writer, and play with similar tropes, lmao.) hiro is a man of many worlds. he seems to shift between them easily, though never fully existing in any of them. this is reflected in his background, both in his biracial identity and in having been raised on a myriad of army bases. this is layered further in his fluidity in interacting with both reality and the metaverse, yet remaining slightly, consistently aloof. fascinatingly the first moment i sensed this drop was when we meet juanita- aka where his real and meta realities coincide. the description of them as the adam and eve of the metaverse is both insanely romantic and thematically key (good god i wish we had more than like, two conversations between them). juanita designed the facial component to metaverse avatars, doing the majority of this work when the two were together, and hiro can see echoes of both their facial tics in the face of every avatar in the metaverse. in a way, by having done this work juanita is positioned by the narrative as one of the gods of this digital realm. she is also hiro's call to action, being aware of the coming trouble and alerting him to it, as well as connecting him to the informational database he needs to prepare.

y.t., the secondary protagonist, fucking ruled. i loved that she was just a fifteen year old punkass kid whose mom doesnt know how crazy this part time job is. y.t. being worried about her mom was a great thread throughout, and a really good balance to how obviously independent y.t. is. i do wish there had been a chance to explain more about her background (she has a dad who left who is mentioned in a throwaway sentence, and a boyfriend who is mentioned near the beginning but never again.) i really enjoyed how obviously hyperaware y.t. was at all times about her own place within the insanities of the setting, while also consistently writing her as a teen maybe in way too deep who thinks about things in typically teenage ways. but like, that wasn't ever held against her? the narrative meets her where she is. it was honestly awesome. HOWEVER,

i absolutely hated the raven and y.t. scenes. how creepy!!! he basically statutory rapes her!!! we know hes at least late 20s early 30s, because hes the same age as hiro. if this sort of content is upsetting to read for you, i definitely do NOT recommend this book. (if you want to avoid reading these bits: ch 47 y.t. meets raven, ch 50 they are in a bar eating, ch 52 things happen that result in y.t.'s anti-assault device activating- she did not activate it on purpose, but forgot it was there- and raven is knocked out.)

please PLEASE dont take any of the following analysis as like, trying to be apologetic towards this scenes. because again they were awful and hard to get through and really gross. but im also cognizant that the author was obviously trying to convey something by making the choice, like the way it was written is obviously not condoning this sort of thing.

i think maybe what stephenson was trying to get at with that, was that we see hiro internally negate any potential for anything untoward with y.t. basically immediately, since he kind of senses that she might have a small crush on him (though this doesnt last more than a fleeting moment, especially from her perspective). vs raven, whose 'poor impulse control' warning tattoo eventually elicits a sarcastic remark from hiro after he finds out raven and y.t. were "a thing". i really dont think hiro knew how far it went? like it was just suuuper weird, but i figured it was meant narratively to 1. execute the chekovs gun of y.t.'s anti-assault device, 2. contrast hiro and raven (especially considering the bike-racing argument where theyre telling the story together, which is supposed to parallel them, while contrasting the differences in how they ended up?), and 3. just to get raven unconscious, i guess. but good god it was weird and i hated every second of it, why couldnt the device have like, activated way earlier?? gah. fucking upsetting. moving past that!

honestly i was really frustrated by how little screentime juanita got, because the way she was introduced was so fucking interesting and then shes mostly off doing her own thing. the bits of explanation she gives at the end about what she was up to on the raft are so sparse and im like damn, can we get a little bit of her pov in here? please? that would have ruled. additionally, shes supposed to be hiros love interest, but we see so little of them interacting outside her intro scenes. a huge portion of why hiro is getting into the sumerian mythology is literally framed as something that will help him understand juanita, but we dont get to see him talk to her about it barely at all.

the supporting characters were quite fun, i particularly liked the librarian. big surprise, i liked the overly literal ai information-dispensor, lmfao. watching him and hiro interact reminded me SO hard of geordi laforge having honest to god conversations with the computer where he tries to coax information out of it, aka one of my favorite little aspects of tng.

and lastly, the major plot themes themselves. i adore the way stephenson approached action, it was very entertaining. usually i cant really visualize action scenes written out, but his use of language was really really effective and engaging. the plot itself was absolutely fascinating, though i found the premise pretty contrived. which isnt bad in itself, i was fully suspending my disbelief until the last hundred pages or so. which for a 550+ page book, isnt too bad.

i did like the approach of linking the ancient to the modern, that is always really neat. and i think ultimately stephenson did it in an interesting way, not how i would have done it, but definitely interesting! creating these ideas about information infrastructures, and there being words that can access those and be used to control people, was wild. not sure if i agree about the equating of religion to a virus, though he did specifically establish that it was more the approach to religion, than religion itself. (maybe if juanita had been more goddamn present in the narrative that could have been elaborated on a little more. literally her perspective would have been perfect in balancing that out!!)

ultimately what did me in was the very very very long winded MONOLOGUE where hiro re-explained the whole premise, in ways that didnt really neatly organize into a cohesive argument. a lot of the scenes where hiro talks to the librarian, which are interspersed throughout the book, are really exposition heavy, because stephenson is rooting his ideas in historical concepts that need to be explained to both hiro and the audience. and i thought all that was fine, because it was a conversation where hiro was grappling with the information, and he was figuring it out along with the reader, and most importantly it was a conversation between him and the librarian computer program.

howeverrr later on we get a full rehash of all that, where hiro makes clear some stuff that was just implied for the reader, and hes literally just telling these important men whats up in this big long monologue. utterly worthless. i kept reading it and going YEAH, we KNOW, we know this we know this. and the important men barely interjected. it added basically nothing to our understanding of the situation, other than reframing it. but everything added was already an implicit thing, and didnt really need to be said again.

the resolution to the book was stellar, the last 30-40 pages, once hiro is onto the raft, were great. ultimately after reading and giving some time to digest it, i think it was a solidly great book with a few big drawbacks near the end, but which dont carry through and sully the ending.

[umbureraakademi]

Introductory Note About the AU & Other Chapters & Face Claims

-a/n start-

[Potential spoilers for anyone who hasn’t seen or finished TUA Netflix series but seriously how could you stop yourself from watching such a captivating show.]

Word Count: 1479

Ahh the awkward morning after chapters.

-a/n end-

The Hargreeves Case

Chapter 13

Jessica knocked at the door to Monica’s room for the second time when her first batch of knocks elicited no response. Ben was in the kitchen cleaning up after he made a stack of pancakes for breakfast.

Not looking up from what he was doing he said, “Let her sleep, love. She probably had a rough night last night.”

“But I can’t wait to hear about it! Plus, the pancakes are getting cold.” Jessica whined, knocking at Monica’s door again. “Maica! Rise and shine, darling. Ben made pancakes!” when there was still no response she knocked again, continuing, “C’mon, gurl! I can’t wait to hear about your shitty date with that son of a--”

Jessica was unable to finish her sentence as the door creaked open and she was greeted with the sight of Diego in his shirtless, towel-wrapped-around-his-waist glory. Since it was impossible they didn’t notice him going out to take a shower he probably just picked it off Monica’s rack so he wouldn’t be standing completely naked in front of Monica’s roommates.

“M-manly… man…” Jessica stuttered, obviously taken by surprise at seeing another pair of abs that weren’t Ben’s as she couldn’t help but look him up and down. Ben noticed the change in her tone immediately and stopped abruptly, his gaze now leering at the tan-skinned hottie standing right before his girlfriend.

“Jessica, right?” Diego said calmly.

“R-right, I’m Ben, that’s Jessica. I mean… I’m Jessica, that’s Ben.” Jessica responded with a nervous chuckle, screwing up with her words. She had to tear her gaze away from Diego as she tried to take a peek inside Monica’s room to look for her best friend. She found Monica’s sleeping body still wrapped comfortably under the blankets.

“I’ll go wake her up.” Diego said.

“Sure, that’d be awesome.” at that Diego smiled coyly before he closed the door and Jessica exhaled, as if she had been holding her breath the entire time she was conversing with him. She turned and caught Ben’s gaze, the expression in his eyes showing how obviously displeased he was at the display, his hands also on his hips.

“Really?” he said.

“How do you expect me to have been prepared for that?!”

Inside Monica’s Room

Diego hung Monica’s towel back on its rack before sitting down on the bed next to Monica. Feeling the other side of the bed sink due to his weight, Monica started stirring from her sleep. She groaned sleepily as she stretched her arms, and slowly opened her eyes, turning to Diego.

“Good morning.” Diego greeted.

“Last night was for real after all.” Monica said with a smile. “Good morning. No kisses please. Morning breath.”

Diego chuckled before saying, “I met your roommates. I woke up when she wouldn’t stop knocking at the door.” he said.

Looking at Diego, Monica raised an eyebrow before saying, “Naked?”

“I borrowed your towel.”

“So half-naked?”

“Eh, I’m pretty confident with my body.” Diego said with a shrug.

“Huh, well I hope she enjoyed the view.” Monica said, laughing at the thought. Stretching for one last time she sat up and slid off her bed. “C’mon let’s get dressed for breakfast.” she said picking up and throwing Diego his wifebeater, pants, and boxers. As Diego started to get dressed Monica started picking up her own clothes, grabbing a pair of more comfortable shorts from her closet and Diego’s button-down shirt. 

“I’m borrowing this, by the way.” she declared.

A Few Minutes Later

When Diego and Monica stepped out of her room both Ben and Jessica were sitting on the couch, as if waiting for them to come out. They looked like they were having a serious conversation before noticing them, at which Jessica got off the couch and made her way to them.

“Good morning! Did you sleep well?” she said with fake enthusiasm as Ben glared briefly at Diego’s direction before looking away and pretended to be busy with his phone, though they didn’t notice. 

“Uhh… yeah…?” Monica said slowly, creeped out at Jessica being out-of-character.

“Good! Good, good, good.” she said repeatedly with an awkward giggle. “Um… Maica there’s something I want to show you in mine and Ben’s room it’s suuuper important.” 

“Fuck, you noticed the missing condom already?” Monica blurted.

“What?” Jessica and Ben said in unison.

“What?” Monica responded hastily, as if it would erase what she just said as Diego pinched the bridge of his nose in embarrassment.

“Uhh… no, silly! Umm… Ben and I got new sheets and I wanted to know what you think! Yeah, that’s it.” Jessica said.

“Uhh… why?” Monica asked.

“Just fucking come with me, bitch--umm…” clearing her throat Jessica continued, this time tugging at Monica’s arm and giving it a squeeze, “C’mon, we value your opinion so much! Diego you can help yourself to some pancakes while waiting for Maica.” as she offered this she heard Ben scoff in disgust, prompting her to turn to him briefly to give him a warning look before turning back to Monica and Diego with her fake smile.

“Aww but I want pancakes too…” Monica whined.

“I’ll leave some for you.” Diego said. “Thanks for the offer. Hope you don’t take too long, though.” 

“Oh, we’ll be out in a jiffy! Let’s go, Maica.” Jessica said as she literally pulled Monica towards hers and Ben’s room while Diego made his way to the dining area, Ben watching his every move through his peripheral vision. 

Inside Jessica and Ben’s Room

As Jessica shut the door she turned furiously at her best friend, whom she found actually analyzing the sheets on their bed.

“Not a bad color you picked out this time.” Monica commented. 

“Maica just what the fuck are you doing?!” Jessica hissed as she stomped closer to Monica.

“Umm… you asked for my opinion about your sheets and I’m giving them?”

“You know what I’m fucking talking about, bitch!” Jessica snapped, at this Monica said nothing and started fidgeting with her fingers like a child being scolded. “What the hell happened to ‘It’s not a big deal, Jessie. It’s not a date date it’s just a bet.’ or ‘Stop overreacting’.” she continued to say with a mocking tone, angrily making quotation mark gestures when she referred to what Monica told her before she left that night with Diego.

“Jessie, I’m sorry! I know what I said but he took me to a pizza parlor and an arcade and things got a bit heated after playing Just Dance…” Monica responded with a small voice.

“So are you just going to fall for any guy who’d feed you pizza and get all touchy with you during a video game?”

“That doesn’t sound too bad, you know… when you put it that way…”

“Maica you are unbelievable! Are you forgetting why you shouldn’t be involved with him in the first place?!” 

“I didn’t forget…”

“Then explain why I opened your bedroom door to a half-naked Diego Hargreeves standing in front of me?!”

There was a pause before Monica said, “Did you enjoy the view?” at which Jessica slapped her on the arm. “Ow! Jessie, please--”

“Wait. Is that a hickey?!” Jessica exclaimed, pushing away some of Monica’s hair to get a clear view of the purplish red bruise Diego gave her last night.

“Uhh… if I said ‘yes’ will you let me borrow some of your turtle necks?”

“No.”

“Then… it’s not a hickey? I… hit my neck?” Monica lied unsuredly, prompting Jessica to roll her eyes.

“Jesus Christ… you’re even wearing his goddamn shirt.” Jessica commented and Monica responded by pulling the shirt’s collar to her nose and giving it a big whiff. 

“Goddamn he smells so good… want to smell him? C’mon, smell him.” she said while trying to push one of the shirt sleeves at Jessica’s nose.

“Stop it!” Jessica demanded, slapping away her hand, making Monica pout and look down, fidgeting again with her fingers. Heaving a heavy sigh Jessica softened her tone, continuing, “Maica, honey, you know I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” 

“Jessie, please just give him a chance. This time it’s different. He’s different. I’m different from who I was before and you know that.” Monica pleaded. “I… really like Diego.” she confessed.

Jessica took a moment to think, crossing her arms across her chest as she looked at her best friend’s genuinely pleading expression. “Okay, but if he hurts you just one time I’m not going to fucking care that he has ‘superpowers’ I’m going to knife him myself.”

Monica smiled softly as she said, “Thank you.” 

“C’mere you piece of shit.” Jessica said as she opened her arms wide and Monica stepped closer for the two to hug. “Now let’s get Ben in here we’re going to have to lay some ground rules if another male is going to be staying here from time to time.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #152

“if mary was only 14 when she had jesus, what does that make god?”

What’s something you initially disliked, but ended up liking? Uhhh... I'm drawing a blank right now. If you’re interested in having a long term relationship with someone, do you think that waiting a certain amount of time before you first have sex is a good idea? Or does it not matter?  I think it's a smart idea.  To me personally, sex should be an intimate experience with someone you love, not with someone you don't know deeply. Have you ever discovered something big by looking through someone’s phone, Facebook, email, etc.? No, never snooped on someone. Do you have any financial regrets? Either way, what’s an example of a GOOD financial decision you’ve made?  No, I've never really had to make big money decisions. Do you think it’s a good idea for kids’ sports teams to not keep score, or do you think that’s going overboard in trying to show sensitivity? I think you shouldn't keep score.  Teach children how to have fun for the sake of fun, not winning. Name a movie that you dislike but everyone else seems to love. Why do you dislike it? Drawing a blank again. *shrugs* Are you good at compromising or are you more of a “my way or the highway” kind of person?  I'm pretty nice at compromising, but of course it's going to depend on the case sometimes. Do you know any couples who sleep in separate beds? Do you think that if a couple makes that decision, they will eventually break up/divorce?  Yes, because one of them snores loudly.  But that doesn't mean they're gonna break up... Have you ever had a horrible boss or teacher? Did you ever confront them about it?  No, thankfully. Does it usually take awhile for you to completely come to terms with your emotions after something big happens or do you let it all out right away?  It's kinda both.  But mostly the former; I deeper understand what I'm feeling then. Is Thanksgiving an important holiday to you? Who did you spend last Thanksgiving with?  Honestly no, not really.  I should appreciate it more than I do for the sake of its concept. How far into your current (or last) relationship did you start thinking about your future with that person? Probably too early to be considered normal lmao. Are you a believer in “signs” from the universe about things in your life? If you are, can you think of a particular example? No. Name some things that one or both of your parents are really good at or really interested in.  Mom is suuuper into surgeries/seeing how the body works, and Dad's good at building shit I guess lmao. If someone told you that you would never achieve something and you ended up doing it, would you have any interest in finding that person and showing them?  Tbh yeah lol.  I do NOT take people underestimating my abilities kindly.  That's one reason the breakup was so bad. What is the most jealousy-induced thing you’ve ever done? Ehhhmmm.  I don't think I've done something in hopes of making someone jealous. Ever been kissed under fireworks?  No, but #goals. Which of your friends lives closest to you?  Colleen.  AKA, the only friend whose location I know. Do you like calling or texting better?  Don't call me, like ever lol. When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?  When I learned Mom and I couldn't go to the P!atD concert.  It's been a week or two and I'm still bummed. Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?  ....... Does any human being on Earth believe it's wrong?????? Do you talk dirty to people?  HUNNY I couldn't even talk dirty in the middle of my ex and I doing shit lmao. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?  Dad; we talked on the phone a bit. The last thing you heard?  I'm listening to "Demons Are A Girl's Best Friend" by Powerwolf on repeat asjfdakjwi I'm addicted. Have you ever been to an animal shelter?  Yeah. Does it rain a lot where you live?  I wouldn't necessarily say a lot?  Afternoon thunderstorms are just about daily in the peak of summer, though. Do you live in the suburbs?  No. If you have a dog, does it bark a lot?  Ugh, both of them.  Slightest noise outside our house or in our driveway, it's over. What are your 3 top favorite movies?  The Lion King, Finding Nemo, and then probably The Lion King II. Can you juggle?  No. Who was your favorite Disney princess as a child?  Ariel. Who are your style icons?  Like every serious goth in the world give me money to afford this style. Do you believe in an afterlife?  I really do.  Will it be wonderful, bad, lonely, peaceful, reunited with our loved ones, who knows, but I believe in something good. What do you fear most about death?  The possibility there is no afterlife.  I obviously wouldn't exist anymore so wouldn't experience anything, but.  I never want my essence to vanish. What is your favorite country?  Dunno. Glitter or feathers?  I'm a glitter bitch. Have you ever self harmed?  Yeah. What is your favorite type of cake?  Red velvet. Who was your favorite author as a child?  Erin Hunter. Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything?  Um, everyday???? Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep?  Yes, if it's too late to nap but too early to sleep.  And this one time I had a paranormal experience and I was terrified to. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic?  Maybe around an hour during a roadtrip? Best field trip experience?  5th grade zoo trip with Dad, my then-best friend, and her mother. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before?  Nothing impressive. What is the worst thunderstorm you’ve experienced?  We've had plenty, who knows. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class?  I've never gone to sleep in class. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert?  No. Are your parents supportive of you?  Yes, Mom especially. Has your mom ever directly told you that she favored your other sibling(s) over you?  No. Do your folks still have sex? Does it disgust you?  They're divorced so y'know. Do you like dried fruit (e.g. bananas, mangos, plums, etc.)?  NO. Can you stand eating the crusts of a slice of sandwich bread?  Yes, but it's my least favorite, so I eat it first to get it out of the way. Do you sleep with your window open at night?  Hell naw I don't want no Welcome to the Game shit. Do you do your homework at home or in class? Or how about in class the day it’s due?  I liked to start it in class if I could, but did the rest at home. When did you last see your parents?  I saw Dad a few days back at Ryder's b-day party, and I saw Mom this morning. Does it bother you when people get too obsessed about stupid stuff?  I feel like you're coming for me. What is the one fast food restaurant you have NEVER been to?  Denny's. Have you ever gotten to see the movie Twilight? Not the whole thing.  Nicole got it for Christmas and played it that day, and I stayed out in the living room with the family 'cuz yeah, Christmas. What was your favorite cartoon character as a kid?  Courage, probably. Do you live in a house or an apartment?  House. Do you live in the city or country?  Country. Do you take any prescription drugs?  Yeah. What is the one TV show you could watch over and over again?  That '70s Show. What is your favorite animal?  Meerkats, specifically the Kalahari sub-species. Who were the last 3 males you talked to?  Dad, Ryder, and Nick. What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? Did you like it?  White wine and I wanted to die. Have you ever had to claim insurance? What for?  No. Can you write in cursive?  Yeah, but I've forgotten one or two letters.  Not sure I recall the capital "g." Have you ever viewed the moon through a telescope?  No. Where do you like to sit in the movie theater?  Middle. Do you normally finish one book before starting another?  When I read, I did. What is your favorite hot drink?  Hot chocolate. Do you wish you had a pool table? Omg so I would love to have like an arcade sorta room with stuff like that, but I doubt it'll happen. Is chest hair a turn-on? I wouldn't call it that for me personally.  I prefer none or little, but I'm not gonna find a guy unattractive just for that. Which has been the best year of your life so far?  2017.  Full of growth and good memories. Do you have a picture with your middle finger up? No, but admittedly I wanna have one of Sara and me kissing with one for the camera because gay pride to piss off homophobes lol. If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care?  I'd care if it was for non-medicinal use and illegal in the state. When is the last time you attended a church service?  Oh jeez.  Sometime last year when Colleen was in her super-religious phase. Does it bother you when people respond with one word texts? If I'm making an effort to make conversation, yes.  If there's not really anything to respond to, no. If you could have a twin, would you?  No. If you had to give up your arms or your legs -which would it be?  Legs.  I cherish the use of my arms more. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?  If I'll be happy and content. If you had to be sick for the rest of your life would you choose something that kills you quickly & painfully, or bearably but slowly?  Yikes, not sure.  I guess the latter?  I don't want to just abruptly leave my loved ones. Have you ever made out with a member of the same sex?  Not yet. :P What is the coolest band name you have ever heard?  Definitely some kind of heavy or death metal band.  Off the top of my head, I think Cradle of Filth sounds wicked. Who was the last smoker you were around? Did they smoke around you?  Dad, and yes. Who do you know that can make you feel better if you’re not feeling happy?  Sara and certain YouTubers. Are you more talkative over the Internet?  YEAH DEFINITELY. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret?  Nah.  Loved him then, whatever. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret?  Yeah. Where do you wanna go for vacation?
  I'd love to go to the pink beaches in the Bahamas ahhhh Do you only wish the best for your ex?  Yeah.  I kinda even do with Jason, but at the same time, I want that fucker to see he will never find a perfect relationship, as he obviously wants judging from me and the girl he dated after me.  So I take that back, I don't think I wish the best for him until he learns his lesson. Do you change your phone background a lot?  No. Does a male or female sing the last song you listened to?  Male. Can you count in Roman numerals?  To a certain height.  I don't know what comes after "X"s.  Maybe "L?" What’s in your front yard?  Grass, a small tree, some small flowers... Have you ever lucid dreamed? Would you like to, or does the thought of being able to control your dreams scare you?  No, but it'd be cool to. Would you like the ability to read minds?  No. Do you know how to fish?  Yes. Did you/are you planning on going to college?  I'm going back in January. Have you ever built a snowman?  Yeah.  We rarely get the kind of snow that packs enough to make one, though. When was the last time you moved to a new house?  Over a year ago. Do you know any high school sweethearts? How’s life treating them? My best friend and her husband.  They still love each other and have a son now. Which is the scariest ride you have ever been on in a theme park? This ride that took you way too high up into the air then abruptly dropped & it was horrifying ahhhhhh

[libbybleu]

😘😘😘 x485737 TELL ME ALL ABOUT UR OC SHIPS LIBBY

Send me 😘 for me to tell you all about one of my OC ships

SO HERE ARE MY 3 PERSONAL OTPS (i have a lot of otps though.... i have a lot of ships actually, which include some of these ocs with other people hahaha so keep sending these in and i can just keeeeep oooooon gooooing)

Emilia x Quinn

so i am utterly weak for these 2. emilia is mine and quinn is tae’s. i linked the drawing i have of emilia in her name but i don’t have one of quinn yet rip. 

anyways, so these 2 happened because tae and i were talking about these ocs we had for futuristic verses. she had quinn who is a very cold, logical, flat emotioned person. he is an utter genius and finds human interaction and friendship to be pointless. he is my favorite oc that taelor has and will be my son until the end of days. he’s also missing his right eye.... this is where things get funny.

emilia has 2 stages in her life: pre accident and post, in which she is 2 very different people. pre accident she’s a sporty, competitive individual who is very outgoing and has friends in many social circles. she’s very persistent and stubborn when she wants to befriend someone and hates seeing others being bullied or left out. she will take it upon herself to try and “save” that person. this is how she meets veronica garland. things get fucked and veronica intentionally makes it so emilia loses her left eye and eventually goes completely blind (i won’t go into details of how that happens). after that, the many friends emilia had turn on her as now she cannot do the things that gave her a connection to those people and everyone else finds that she looks monstrous. her relationship with veronica grows closer and she develops a form of stockholm syndrome. the friendship is very toxic, and veronica has made it some fact in emilia’s mind that the only person that will ever be friends with emilia now is veronica.

that’s simply not true, and is proven to be so as emilia begins making friends with an oddball group outside of school. a cripple, her mechanic, a lolita hacker, an android and her father/creator, his girlfriend who is also the creator of time travel, aaaaand quinn, the brilliant genius who just wants all these people to leave him alone.

so quinn and emilia meet.... and quinn is utterly stricken. this is a girl who understands his plight. they’re both monsters on opposing sides of the face. emilia can’t see it, but she feels the draw too. quinn is obviously cold to her at first, as he is with everyone, but its on a shaky foundation. emilia, while much more meek-hearted now, is still stubborn, and she begins working almost as an assistant to quinn. they befriend each other... and then they fall for each other. quinn obviously tries denying it, and emilia is too self conscious to expect any kind of feeling to be returned, but with help from their little misfit family, things work out.

IDK I JUST LOVE MY BROKEN BIRDS I LOVE THEM AND THEY ALSO HAVE LIKE A MODERN DAY, NON FUTURISTIC VERSE AND THAT’S GREAT TOO.

Nari x Damien

so nari is mine and damien is tae’s. and.... wow.... i wanted to hate this ship when tae first brought it up to me. I WANTED TO HATE DAMIEN SO MUCH. but guys.... i’m weak.... they’re childhood friends in main verse and i’m a slut for that. they’re partners in crime and flick each other shit. THEY LITERALLY HAVE ONLY HAPPENED ONCE IN AN AU, AND DON’T EVEN HAVE ANY SORT OF ROMANCE IN MAIN VERSE BECAUSE NARI RUNS AWAY WITHOUT TELLING HIM AND DAMIEN DIES JUST BEFORE HIGH SCHOOL.

but listen okay damien was a shithead when they were kids and would bully people and nari was just this little orphan crybaby girl who was too stubborn for her own good and their nanny paid really good money for her to mow their massive lawn. nari befriends his little sister, momo first, and since now she’s spending double the time around them, she learns to grow thick skin to damien’s shithead antics. and then she gets him to cut the shit for a little while in favor of pulling harmless pranks and its great. THEY HAVE A TREEHOUSE OKAY ITS CUTE.

but nari’s dream is to get as far away from that orphanage as possible.... so she does just that, leaving without even saying goodbye. she doesn’t find out about damien’s death until she’s well and graduated from high school.... so like 8-10 years later and the first thing she does? DROPS EVERYTHING AND IMMEDIATELY RUNS BACK TO COLORADO.

like okay, platonic or romantic, those 2 are great, but i live for when they’re romantic. because then they’re just..... they get to be kids. and they’re such good friends and know a whole hell of a lot about each other. they’re so awesome. i’m weak and i wanted to hate them so so so so much....

Ven x Ruka

VENKA...... V E N K A. VENKA IS POETIC JUSTICE. Ven is my edgy boy who i don’t have art to link RIP. Ruka is tae’s utter mess of a blue headed self destruction bomb. 

Fun fact! Ven is actually modern verse Veronica’s brother. They also have a triplet sister named Vera, but this story is about Ven.

Ven grew up in a highly abusive household. His parents didn’t want kids outside of using them as playthings or slaves. They are also, however, in a position of power in the town they live in, so even if people find out, they all turn a blind eye. This has all given Ven a very misanthropic person. He’s antisocial and doesn’t talk much. This, on top of him being rather heavy set in his younger years, led to a LOT of bullying at school. it wasn’t fun. there were only really 3 things getting him through those days: his sisters, sheer spite, and the blue haired wonder who moved into the cul de sac he lived in. This was ruka, and ven very quickly and very easily fell in love.... or mayhaps just grew an obsession. now, i will be the first to admit that, in the beginning, ven’s feelings for ruka were rather unhealthy, especially considering he never actually talked to her. he did end up somewhat befriending the girl that would become ruka’s best friend, blakely (you may remember her name from when i was talking about aiden and isadara), but despite how much blakely tried to help, ven still never talked to her.......

and then ruka started dating damien ilith...... one of the people ven hated the most.

ven kinda veered away then, started focusing on self betterment. he started working out and looking into how to solve his family situation. during the summer in between middle school and high school, ven was looking clear for getting emancipated and building a case to help his sisters. he also glew up. puberty and self progression did wonders for the boy and now he looked like a god. he was much more confident in himself and actually somewhat happy with his life. things were looking good. there was just something missing, and i will still admit that it was kinda unhealthy, he still wanted ruka. to hell with damien ilith, he was much better than that guy now, obviously.

soooooooo high school started and he tried to talk to ruka.

he found out a bit too late that damien ilith had passed away that summer from a tragic diving accident... and ruka did not want to talk. it wasn’t long after that ‘conversation’ that ruka ended up transferring to an out of country boarding school.

the explosion of events kinda broke something in ven, and he handled it poorly. he started sleeping around during high school, breaking hearts and getting into fights. the emancipation process did end up going through and he ended up moving in with blakely’s family. she managed to whip him into shape by graduation (in turn, he helped blakely get out of her shell and be more confident in herself, but anyways)...

YEARS PASS. Ven graduates, Ruka graduates and moves back to the town, and in a weird twisted turn of events, the two run into each other at a supermarket. They actually talk. Apologies are had. They manage to find things they have in common. They actually have a lot in common.... they have the same viewpoints, the same hobbies, their favorite colors are her hair and his eyes, but most importantly they understand each other better than anyone could have other guessed. they speak and think on the same wavelength, ones thoughts are anothers words. they could speak without words. its great. 

and then yeah, the rest is history. two people who have had a lot go on in their lives manage to forget it all with each other. they cook together, chase each other around the house, have sex, play monopoly, its suuuper awesome

and its poetic justice and character growth if i have ever seen any

god bless venka, the loving ship that was meant to be a hatemance.

[thereasoniscream]

some thoughts about Beauty and the Beast (2017)

what was the point of going back to Belle’s childhood home? I get that the movie wanted to add more backstory to her character but actually, why the fuck did Maurice keep the fact that her mother died from the plague a secret in the first place? Like thousands of people died, it was kind of a big deal, why was it important that it be kept a secret from Belle? i don’t really see that it would be a great source of shame or something considering how many people fucking died.

also how did Belle and Maurice not also fucking die considering the plague was airborne and they lived in super tiny quarters and Belle also probably breastfed at some point before they knew the mother had contracted the plague idk

wish Emma Watson had emoted a little more, like she was super strong and that was awesome to see but like considering she thought she was never gonna see her dad again and was going to be locked up for the rest of time, and that the man she loved died in her arms, i think it would’ve been cool to see her more visibly upset... “strong” women are often portrayed at the cost of making them pillars of stone but look women can be strong and emotional at the same time and i just think it would’ve been awesome to send that message in this movie, especially given gaston’s toxic masculinity and whatnot

idk i just thought she looked kind of bored during some pretty important parts lol

wedding??? was she even getting married lol

i loved that Belle was able to reject Gaston without needing a reason or excuse and it was okay for her to just say no though

I don’t think Philip should have been able to carry the beast home. if a horse can safely carry 20-30% of its body weight, then a heavy weight war horse from the Middle Ages that weighed 1500-2000 lbs would have been able to carry 450-600 lbs. However, Philip is obviously not a war horse, and probably weighs closer to 1200 lbs, meaning he can carry 240-360. Luke Evans (gaston) weighs about 180, and the beast is FRIGGIN HUGE so

idk i can’t calculate how much the beast weighs but dwayne the rock johnson weighs 260 and i’d say the beast is still at least 2x that size (>420 lbs)? 

beast looks to be at LEAST 2 feet taller than belle (most of the time he is hunched over so hard to say exactly) and would have greater body density bc yknow he’s a beast

did philip just carry maurice all the way home after belle took his place and then run all the way back to the castle without maurice knowing or caring

philip is there when belle goes to rescue her father but if he took maurice home then how’d the fuck he get back

i think we have to assume there aren’t any other horses around for maurice to ride bc 1. even if there were how would maurice know where to get them; 2. there isn’t really anyone capable of caring for horses at the castle except beast; 3. even if there was where’d they get their hay and shit, it’s fucking winter all the time; 

actually, where does any food come from at all? where does the kitchen get all those fresh fish/meats? who is doing their grocery shopping and HWERE?

the tree that is struck by lightning at the beginning is somehow back in place when maurice tries to find the castle again, ~completely~ blocking the path to the castle

even if the tree was replaced after philip goes back to the castle, how the fuck did belle take the same path to get back to the village if this is the case lol

if there are alternate routes then how come they weren’t discovered before and how has the castle been like hidden to the entire world this whole time

i think we have to assume this path is the only way

How does gaston use the magic mirror to not only find the castle when the only path is blocked/indiscernible to MAURICE (who is the only person other than belle to have EVER taken it before), but also find EXACTLY where the beast is in this giant fucking castle

does it turn into like step by step route guidance when we’re not looking

just curious

felt like gaston’s death was a really cheap way to just not deal with him anymore lol. wouldn’t it have been interesting to see gaston deal with his toxic hypermasculinity and his obviously WRONG views of women/romance/relationships and also his probable PTSD seeing as he just came back from a friggin WAR

rather than just killing him off we could have shown his education/healing processes. showing how men can be confident/strong and respectful/caring at the same time would have been a great complement to belle’s message of women being independent/smart and kind/loving at the same time

thought that the way belle and the beast’s relationship grew was suuuper shallow and they didn’t spend enough time on it

i just remember belle giggling and smiling and suddenly finding the beast super charming after he hadn’t really done anything

“have you thought about growing a beard” followed by the growl oh my god no thank you

i am SUPER reminded of this shit that happened at my school where an article in the newspaper drew parallels between lgbtq stuff and bestiality? it’s almost as if disney was like well we’re throwing in some lgtbq characters and bestiality is kind of the same right, it will appeal to the same crowd right

some good stuff:

i’m so impressed with disney for interracial couples??? also the nod to a non-gender-conforming person? who gets with a gay guy omg wow

tho the lgbtq part was basically as small as possible... why’d it receive so much frickin hype for 2 seconds? disney i think we could have been more “openly gay” than that

pandering tbh

 there were a LOT of extras and a decent number of them were POC

thought it was funny that for such a poor provincial town there was a SHIT ton going on in that square lmao

thought they did a great job with lumiere’s design; we didn’t really get much facial expression from him but it was smart to use his whole body instead

also funny: cadenza mentioning dental pains at the beginning, using his keys/teeth to fight the villagers, missing like ALL of his teeth after the spell is broken, and then making it a point to grin super widely at the end of the movie for the 3 seconds that we see him to show his teeth have been replaced hahaha

cadenza playing the imperial march!!! don’t think i didn’t see that disney

tl;dr - batb was 7/10 bc it was about what i was expecting but i probably wouldn’t watch it again. it was almost shot-for-shot with the original animated film (expected), with some extra songs and background, and honestly i spend a lot of time thinking about some confusing issues but what i am most upset about is the unnecessarily hugely advertised “openly gay” character (lefou) who was given 2 seconds to actually be with a man but had a ton of screentime otherwise. given the political/social climate of america, disney needs to step it up and stop patting itself on the back for 2 seconds of lgbtq representation. honestly, lefou was HARDLY what i would call “openly gay” and someone who is inclined to do so could VERY easily interpret him as not. what we need right now is characters who are not just “open” but EXPLICITLY, UNDENIABLY lgbtq.