#i tried between aot to COPE

[cherishedteddie]

What I watched this year thus far (completed) - Cherry Magic - My New Boss is Goofy - Pay It Cool, Guys - Kids On The Slope (little bit of a rewatch, not completed just fell off)

What I'm watching right now (actively) - Attack on Titan (made it to s3 part 2) - Devil May Cry Netflick (I'm like half way through) - Lazarus Toonami (airing so im only up to the current ep 2) - Bleach (rewatch, only saw the first but I need to finish aot so I can focus, using it to cope once I finish that I guess el oh el)

What I'm thinking about seeing/rewatching - Free! (never finished it but s1 and 2 had a choke hold on me) - JJK (never seen and am v curious about) - Dr. Stone (friend told me I should watch it) - HXH (same friend, same suggestion as above) - Naruto (rewatch) - Boruto (if I ever rewatch nardo) - Bleach (but I kinda got that ball rolling already. Thank you mind for reminding me of Mayuri)

[cosmicjoke]

Okay, this person @7m7n7, whom I've now blocked, decided to start some major shit with me on one of my own posts https://www.tumblr.com/cosmicjoke/752860317563895808/for-a-character-like-that-supposed-to-be-stoic-and?source=share answering an anon ask. I no longer want to engage with this person, so I've blocked them. But I still want everyone to see their bullshit, and so no one can accuse me of being afraid of others seeing their replies, like they tried to do. I'm posting the whole conversation here.

They accuse me of taking issue with them because they "disagreed" with me, but another poster disagreed with me on the same post and I took no issue with them whatsoever. My issue wasn't the disagreement. I never have an issue with anyone who disagrees with me. I have multiple mutuals who disagree with me all the time, and we're still friends. It's the WAY people disagree that bothers me. If they're going to be insulting about it, then I'm going to have a problem.

Their accusation against me that I was "woobifying" Levi and saying his stoicism is "fake" by saying that it's a coping mechanism to deal with his grief and trauma, that it isn't at all indicative of his true feelings, something about Levi that is commonly understood among the AoT fanbase in general, is what pissed me off.

I was simply saying that Levi has developed an in the moment, emotional distance between himself and the events of his life as a way of dealing with the pain those events cause him, and that that emotional distance, that "stoicism" isn't any kind of indicator of him lacking emotion or of him being unaffected by said events. And for that, I'm apparently "woobifying" Levi and saying his stoicism is "fake", and the real kicker, accusing me of "degrading" Levi's character. And then they want to act surprised that I got mad.

The language they use here is the same type of language that so many of those anon haters were sending to Levi blogs in the wake of "Bad Boy", accusing anyone who wanted to discuss Levi's trauma and the trauma of him being exposed to or even possibly experiencing sexual assault of "femininizing" him or trying to make him seem weak. It's the same sort of homophobic, sexist attitude, and is plainly indicative of this person's biased, even vitriolic disdain of any man who's impacted by their trauma. This kneejerk hostility toward anyone daring to acknowledge that Levi is an emotional man who indeed IS impacted by the events of his life. It says everything about what kind of person they are, and nothing about Levi himself. They just hate men who possess any qualities that could be seen as feminine in any way, including having actual feelings, apparently.

[demonsslayersstuff]

Memory Lane (past Erwin Smith x Reader, Levi Ackerman x Reader)

Description: A fic about how the reader copes and moves on from death. Past Erwin x Reader and Levi x Reader as reader moves on. (More of a hinted Levi x Reader, it’s not really the focus) This was inspired by the AOT song Memory Lane. I tried to follow the canon timeline as much as possible with a little bit of creative freedom.

Warnings: Angst, grief, anger, depression, Character Death, comfort, moving on, mentions of injuries.

A/N: Firstly I am so sorry I have not posted in a while. Life has just been so busy. I will keep posting fics, but it’s gonna be some lengthy time in between posting. Anyway….I wanted to try writing a bit more of an angsty and slow burn fic, so keep in mind it is a bit depressing at times, but I did end it on a lighter note. Also I’m sorry if it’s not the best. I tried, but the ending isn’t the best. Enjoy and thank you for the support!

Can’t you see how much we lost? Thousands now have gone. But still we’re alive, now where we wanna be?

The vast expanse of blue is all that your brain can comprehend at the moment. In all of your wildest dreams, you had never imagined that you'd be standing here, seeing the "ocean" in person. You had never doubted your partners endless rants about there being an outside world, but now that you were seeing it, it was hard for you to fully grasp. So as the others race to rip their shoes off, the need to feel the water against their skin their top priority, you remain rooted in a complete standstill. The longer you stared, the more you came to realize how color of the water matched the hue of Erwin's eyes nearly perfectly, knocking the wind out of you. He’d never gotten to see this sight, races through your mind before you can stop it. Being in the Survey Corps you’d know death, experienced it first hand countless times, had managed to keep it together. But his death was different. It was like a tidal wave of grief, just as you thought you were getting better, the strong current sucked you backed in, drowning you. You were unable to prevent the salty tears that had slipped down your cheek, but you didn’t want to cry, not here, not now. So you took a deep breath and closed your eyes, hoping the pain would pass quickly.

“You ok?”, comes a familiar voice, one that you hadn’t heard in the past few weeks. You open your eyes, turning left to look down briefly at Levi. “I’m ok”, you mutter, unable to disguise the venom your voice held. You knew deep down Erwin’s death was not his fault, but you still hadn’t forgiven him for giving Armin the Titan serum. You honestly weren’t sure you ever will. An uneasy silence falls between the two of you, both unsure of what to say. So, the two of you simply stand silently, watching as the others goof off in the water for a time. The sun begins to sink below the horizon when you finally break the silence. “He never got to see this”, you say nearly inaudibly, but you know Levi heard you. You look into his steely blue eyes for a moment before stepping away, heading back towards the horses. “I’m sorry”, Levi says, much too quietly as the sunlight begins to slip away.

I’ll be here waiting for you, hope you find the way. Our home, sweetest home, you will come back to me.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?”, Hange asks, eyeing you carefully. “No one would blame you if you wanted to sit this one out”, they continue. You sigh deeply, taking some time to ponder your thoughts. “There’s nothing left for me here. Besides we both know Erwin would have immediately planned a mission to see whatever is out there. So please let me do this”, you plead. Hange is quiet for a second before, “Very well, it won’t be today or probably even next week, but I promise you’ll be on that first mission”, they tell you. “Thank you”, you say, relief washing over you, happy to be able to live part of Erwin’s dream. “Before you go. I found something, something I think he would have wanted you to have”, Hange says, tone softer.

You glance at them curiously for a moment, watching as they placed a small dark satin box down on the desk. “Not that my words really mean anything, but he cared for you deeply”, Hange continues, choosing their words carefully. “I know had he not….aside from the Corps, you were Erwin’s world. He loved you and I’m sorry I’m the one that’s giving you this and not him”, they finish, the atmosphere now somber. You slowly reach out, carefully touching the smooth box, too scared to open it. “Thank you”, you manage to say evenly. You grab the small box, slipping it into your pocket before standing up, quietly dismissing yourself. As you step into the hall you nearly run into Levi, presumably on his way to speak to Hange, but you don't stop to apologize. You scurry down the hall, hoping to make it back to your room before another round of tears begins. Levi simply watches you go, knowing it was best to leave you alone for now.

In the wind, echoes of you. Let me know, memory lane. I wore the coat, the one you gave to me, meet me here.

The years had passed slowly and quickly at the same time. One year turned into two and then two years turned into five years without Erwin. So much had changed, the world you'd both know was completely gone. While time had begun to heal your wounds, seeing people who lived outside of the wall, the technology they brought with them was still painful to witness at times. The scouting trip to Marley was what finally pushed you to come to terms with reality. It was time to look towards the future.

You reach out and brush the old dirty brown leaves off of the grave that you were kneeling in front of. You fingers linger on his name etched into the now weathered stone. "Hey blondie", you begin, using his old nickname. In the beginning, Erwin had hated the name, but over time he had come to love it, turning it into a term of endearment, one that was only used behind closed doors. "This will probably be the last time I come here, it’s time…I need to let you go", you continue, you knew you weren't coming back. You'd made that decision after the world you knew had crumble before your very eyes. You couldn’t keep holding on to the past. Your hand moves to touch the necklace that rested on the hallow part of your throat, Erwin's final gift to you. "I wish you could have gotten to see all of this, but I know that you are here with me always", you finish. You take steading breath before leaning to kiss the stone briefly. "Goodbye Erwin", you murmur against the cool marble before standing up. You slowly walk back up the path towards the barracks. You pause, looking back towards the graveyard, taking in one final look. The past is the past, it's time to look towards the future, you think, knowing there was one last place to visit before you left.

A short while you knock on his door and when he gruffly says “Enter”, you take a calming breath. When the door opens and he sees that it’s you, Levi’s eyebrow shoots up quizzically for a second, but his face falls neutral again. “Surprised to see you here”, Levi comments. “I wanted to talk”, you say, standing awkwardly near his nearly empty desk. You weren’t the only one who seemed to be tying up loose ends. “So talk, I need to leave soon”, he replies dryly. Since that day on the beach years ago, the two of you had been indifferent. Back when Erwin was alive, you’d considered Levi one of your closest friends, but that all changed. You knew things would never be the same, but regardless you wanted to try. “I’m sorry”, you start. Levi looks up at you, face still indifferent. “After Erwin died I struggled, I was angry and I wanted to blame someone. That someone became you and it wasn’t fair. I was grieving my partner, but I forgot that you also lost one of your closest friends”, you continue, eyes staring down at the floor. “Things will never be the same, but I wanted you to know that I don’t blame you. Erwin died on his own terms”, you finish. The room fills with silence. You move your eyes to look at his face before you step towards his desk and place the green cloak you’d been holding down. “He would have wanted you to have this. I’ll see you tomorrow”, you say before you leave his office as quickly as you walked in.

Levi stares at the door for a moment once it’s shut before his eyes fall down to his desk. “I forgive you”, he mumbles before deeply sighing. Tomorrow would be a new chapter in both of your lives, whatever would happen he knew the were on the same team.

Life back then was simpler. Now it's not the same. The part you would play was so unthinkable . Feels likе only yesterday. I sat herе with you. We were in our hearts to be invincible.

“Levi”, you say, voice filled full of emotion as dread fills your body. Never had you seen him this injured before. He was humanities strongest soldier, he was the epitome of what a soldier in the scouts regiment should be. But as you finally reach him, that image fades away. You eyes scan his body, carefully assessing which wounds where the most fatal, trying to figure out where to start.

“Here”, Hange says, handing you what you assume is a medical kit, as they come to crouch next you. “Jesus fuck”, they mumble, moving to cut away what was left of his burnt uniform. “I’ll stitch the face, you take the chest and hand”, you tell Hange, trying your best to stay neutral, knowing Levi would never forgive you if you let your emotions take over. “Got it”, Hange says, opening the kit, pulling out various supplies. The two of you work quickly, cleaning the wounds, hearing the occasional groans that fall from Levi’s mouth, though he remains unconscious. “I can’t save the eye…I’ll need to stitch it up to stop the bleeding”, you tell Hange, tone frustrated. “Yeah well his fingers are long gone. Right now it’s about saving his life, not about keeping him pretty”, they reply, tone bleak.

With the stitching done, the two of you wrapped his wounds with the sterile bandages, knowing there was nothing else to be done. “I’m going to do a quick scout”, Hange says, pulling on their green cloak. “Stay here, keep an eye on Levi, I’ll be back soon”, they finish before disappearing into the now dark woods. You stay close to Levi, keeping a watchful eye on the steady rise and fall of his chest, still worried he could succumb to his injuries. The worry only slightly fades when his hoarse voice breaks the silent evening air. “Y/N”, he croaks, trying to sit up. You’re quick to push him back down. “Stop, you need to rest”, you tell him, trying hard to keep your voice steady.

Levi lays back down, his good eye catching your face. “Zeke?”, he questions. “Got away”, you reply, watching anger seep into his visible features. “Don’t worry, we’ll get him”, you continue, trying to reassure him. “Not exactly gonna happen if we kept lounging around”, Levi responds curtly. You could hear the frustration and disappointment in his voice. He’d failed Erwin again, the one promise he’d made him that he hasn’t be able to keep. “We aren’t lounging. You need to reciprocate. You nearly fucking died Levi”, you say taking the opportunity to check his bandages, making sure they remained in place.

“I wish I had”, slips from his mouth before he can even stop himself.

“What?”, you say, turning to look at him. “Y/N-” he starts but you cut him off. “How dare you fucking say that. We’ve all had shitty lives Levi, we’ve all lost people we cared about”, you start, voice raised. “But that’s the job! So sorry I saved your life. Maybe you forgot that I care for you, and I didn’t want to lose you either”, you continue, your emotions taking control, tears gathering in your eyes. “I can’t lose you, not after Erwin”, you finish, voice falling quiet, the last part barely audible. You were angry, angry that Zeke got away and Levi was nearly killed in the process. When was this hell going to end, you think as you try to calm yourself down. A weak, but steady hand grips your own, bringing you out of your thoughts. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean like that, I’m just so…tired” Levi says. “I know, I just, don’t know what I’d do without you”, you tell him honestly.

Before Levi has a chance to respond Hange comes back. “Sorry to break up this little party, but we’ve got things to do”, they say slightly out of breath. It’s only when Hange comes closer to the fire that you see the make shift wagon they brought with them. “That for me”, Levi asks. “Yep, first light we move out. We need to back to base and reassess”, they reply coming to sit down next to you. “It’s time to get rid of these Jeagerists”, Hange continues, tone darker. The conversation falls into somber silence, the true meaning of their words sinking in. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

In the wind. Echoes of you. Let me know. Memory lane. I wore the coat. The one you gave to me. Meet me here.

Thick mist fills your vision as you try to find the others. You move slowly, limping forward as you try to gain your bearings. As you continue to move forward you see a figure in the distance. You quicken the pace when you see some blond hair, thinking Armin was just up ahead. “Armin we..”, you start but the words die in your mouth as the figure comes into the full view. “Erwin”, you whisper, pain laced in your voice. His blue eyes lock onto yours for a moment. It was as if time were frozen. He looked so young, almost carefree. You watch as a smile breaks out across his face, before his fist comes to rest on his heart. “Erwin”, you say again, moving to reach out towards him, but before you can touch him, he slips away like a distant memory after a moment of clarity.

Just then the mist fades and the sunlight peaks through the clouds and the reality of what happens finally sinks in. The war was over and you had survived. You fall to your knees with a strangled cry. You had survived. As that phrase repeats through your mind, you wonder who else has survived and that’s when he finally enters your mind. “Levi”, you say quietly at first, standing up. “Levi”, you repeat, this time shouting as you move quickly across the barren landscape. “Lev-” you begin but stop as you take in the form of someone sitting up against some rocks. You run closer and relief instantly hits your body as you see that it is Levi.

“Levi”, you shout again as you race towards him. Your body slams into him with a forceful thud, knocking the wind out of both of you. “Fuck”, he mutters as you wrap your arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. “Sorry”, you say as you move back. “I just can’t believe that we’re alive”, you say breathless. “Calm down”, Levi mutters, but even you can hear the relief in his voice. You move to sit next him, now in no rush to leave, knowing that Levi can’t walk with his injured leg, but also knowing that someone would eventually find you.

It’s quiet for a time before, “Levi?”, you ask softly. “What?”, he murmurs back. “What happens now?”, you question, turning to look at him. He looks at you for a moment before shrugging his shoulder. “No fucking clue”, he responds a bit a later. “All I know is that I’m done with this shit”, he continues. “Will you go back?”, you ask him, softly as more time passes. “Nope, I need a fresh a start. Something else, something new”, Levi responds, choosing his words carefully. “What about you?”, he asks. You shrug your shoulders. “I said my goodbyes. There’s nothing left for me there” you say turning to look at him. His dark blue eye looks into yours. “Do you want to…try this new life together?”, you ask him quietly. Levi closes his eyes and leans his head back against the rock. “As long your ok with me no longer being humanities strongest soldier”, he mutters. You chuckle slightly, “You know that was never important to me”, you mumble, your hand falling down, placed between the two of you. “I know”, Levi replies quietly before his hand falls on top of yours, squeezing it gently. The war was finally over, you were ready to start a new chapter in your life, this time with Levi in it.

[backstagepaige]

Five More Minutes.

Synopsis: Y/n can’t come to terms with the fact she’s lost more than just her boyfriend.

Not my gif all credit to the owner!!

Warnings: !!!!!!!!!!AOT SEASON 4 SPOILERS!! PLEASE DNI IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED!!!!!!!! Guns and cursing too!

Pairings: Eren Yeager x Shifter!Reader; Platonic!Sasha x Shifter!Reader

Word count: 2,514

Author: @backstagepaige please do NOT repost my work anywhere without elicit permission from myself. This took me a bit to write and I’d appreciate it if credit was given where its due

Authors Note: So I’ve had this written since a few days after my potato girls death and I needed a way to cope with it - @sleepysnk was able to convince me to post it cause Sum is a beautiful soul and gave me all kinds of affirmations to hype me up so here you guys go! Go check out her work while you’re at it because it is so top tier, I promise you won’t be disappointed.

I panted as I leaned against the wall, we were all in the blimp. My mind was silent and the sounds of everyone talking were muffled as I kept my eyes closed trying to rid the images of all those innocent people dying- all of those Children. I gulped as I shook my head, the screams I heard ringing in my ears on a constant loop- had it stopped or were those screams on the ground I was hearing? Were they from all these years finally piling together instead of echoing in the back of my mind?

“Y/n? Did you hear that?" Sasha called and I let my eyes creak open and looked to the door not seeing anything as Jean began talking, I pushed myself up, making sure to pull my gun out just incase and walked to peak over the ledge when a Gabi rolled over and quickly cocked a gun - eye squinted as she looked down the barrel. I raised my gun at her just as she pulled the trigger, a swift sharp pain flashing through me as the gun fell from my hand. I choked and stubbled back a bit but kept my footing another blur of a figure rolled over the edge and tackled Gabi to the side, screams erupted around me as my comrades ran forward and quickly kicked and punched the kids. I let my gaze fall to my chest and watched the way blood poured out of the little flower of skin that was puffed open and blooming as if it were spring. Chocking back a laugh, I let my head fall back to look at the ceiling; If only it were that easy kiddo I thought thinking of every time I had been injured and how every time I healed. It was a blessing and a curse, being able to live on normally despite being lethally injured yet having no power to save the ones you care for that were falling around you. The thought reminded me of a conversation Eren and I had back all those years ago, the want- no- the need to save every one no matter the cost, that hadn’t aged well in retrospect.

“I-I’m okay, guys seriously. I’ll be ok-”My eyes widened as I turned around my hands beginning to shake at the sight of Sasha on the floor, eyes vacant as she looked off somewhere. When did that happen? I thought as I reached a hand to my back slowly I poked and prodded till I felt my finger pass through where my skin should have been on my back, the pain flickering like sparks lighting a fire but it was nothing compared to the burning in my eyes. “Sasha?" I whispered, ignoring the fatigue attacking my eyes as steam bellowed from my wounds. Connie and Jean were yelling something but it fell on deaf ears as I took hesitant steps towards her When had the screaming stopped? I looked down at her as Jean looked up at me waiting for me to say something, his mouth was opening and the vein on his neck looked like it was ready to burst; I was so close to him yet I couldn’t hear a thing he was saying- It was like he was miles away from me with a hand over his mouth as he shouted. I ignored the pang in my knees as I fell to the floor and gently grabbed Sasha’s cheeks to turn her head so she could look up at us. My knees were getting warmer by the second and I glanced down to see the pool of blood I was resting in - Is that mine? Or is it Sasha’s?   “Sasha this isn’t funny... Get up...Get up now!" I whispered not trusting my own voice to fall on her ears the same way Jean and Connie’s were falling on mine.

“You’re so...Damn loud...”She wheezed eyes still vacant as I quickly moved my hands to push against the hole in her chest, hating the way my fingers slicked with warm blood. “Meat...Is the food...Not here yet?” She asked and I growled angrily putting more pressure on her wound.

“You’re worried about the food? Jean, Connie! Get her up now, We gotta plug this up and stop the bleeding!” I screamed at them as tears flooded down their cheeks, “What are you waiting for? Hurry up!” I whirled on the kids being held by other cadets as they took her away. I shoved through and grabbed Gabi by her throat and lifted her, chokes sputtering as I clamped my hand tightly around her feeling the sick love of feeling each breath she took and each beat of her heart against my fingers.

“Lieutenant!” I heard vaguely from behind me but squeezed tighter, Gabi’s hands reaching up to scratch at my own and leaving little rivets that beaded with blood.

“If she dies, I swear I’ll enjoy every second of chewing on your bones!” I growled in her face watching as she noticed the scars on my cheeks and forehead and as if she finally put it together, her eyes widened and her thrashes seemed to become more violent as she tried to spit out a response.

“Sh-Shifter?” She gargled, blood pooling out of her mouth and mixing with Sasha’s. I pulled her forward and smashed her back, enjoying the soft crunch of her skull against the ship before throwing her to the floor and turning to everyone. “Bring the little bitch to lock up. Him too, He saved her.” I growled spinning on my heel and walking down the hall. They were all with Eren, They needed to know what happened. She couldn’t die on me, she wouldn’t do that to Connie, Jean and I. What a selfish thing to do, to leave us in such a way. I pushed the door open and growled at the sight of the long haired male seated and dressed as one of them, the man that had killed the love of my life, the man that had inadvertently killed my best friend. I noted the way Jean went rigid sand knew he had already told everyone, the way their faces had fallen and looked just as they had when any other one of our comrades had passed - but Sasha hadn’t passed and she wouldn’t. Rage boiled in my belly as Eren kept his eyes trained on the floor, I swiftly avoided Jean and dodged his arm as he reached for me knowing what was running through my mind because I’m sure it ran through his. I swung my fist loving the fiery pain that erupted across my hand as it made contact with Eren's face, his hair that had grown out so much in these years whipping around as he did nothing to defend himself.

“This is your fault! All of this is your fault!” I shouted again as I grabbed his head and slammed it against my knee, the feeling of him not fighting back infuriating me. I wanted him to react, I needed him to show me something! Happiness, Anger, Sadness, fucking anything! Yet there he sat, wiping his nose as a small trickle of blood slid down his smooth skin, pieces of his long hair clinging to the flow. “Fucking fight back!” I cried feeling the tears finally fall down my cheeks.

“Y/n! What is going on- Is that blood? Were you shot too?” I froze with my fist in the air as Hanji asked the question, my breath hitching in my throat. Blinking harshly, I stumbled back and shook my head looking back down to my chest. As if a bucket of iced water was dumped on my head, I quickly spun around and ran out of the room. I ignored the other scouts as I ran and rounded the corners, halls blurring.

~~~~~~~~~~

“What was that all about?” Hanji asked looking between everyone in the room, flashes of a hole in Y/n’s chest flickering in their minds and the way Jean opened his mouth to reply, “The bullet went through y/n and ended up in Sasha.” Eren ignored the way his face throbbed and kept his eyes on the floor, avoiding the looks of everyone in the room. Levi opened his mouth to reply when a piercing scream ripped through the soft hum of the ship's engines. Everyone quickly went on alert and readied their weapons as more screams filled the air, yet when Connie pushed the door open with tears streaming down his cheeks everyone froze.

“Sasha...Is dead.”

~~~~~~~~~

Mikasa and Armin were sobbing around me as I held Sasha close to me ignoring the way her blood bleed through the bandages and soaked my shirt, the hands wrapped around her tightly holding her head to me. My throat burned with screams and wails as tears finally rolled down my cheeks, I didn’t care how long I would be sitting here but I’d sit here as long as it took for her to wake up. She was going to wake up and I was going to give her all the meat she wanted no matter the cost.

“Y/n... It’s time.” Levi whispered as I held Sasha closer and shook my head, tears falling against her cheek, my grip was gonna leave bruises- she was gonna kill me when she woke up to that. Mikasa and Armin were no longer next to me, when had they left? Why would they leave when she was gonna wake up?

“I can’t, I don’t want her to be alone when she wakes up.” I choked, pushing her bangs behind her ear as I rocked her gently back and forth. A gasp escaped Levi and I kept my eyes on her face, I had shifted to her side to use my right arm to hold her back as my left hand was reached up to hold her cheek as I wiped my tears off and the blood spilling from her lips her face.

“She... She’s gone y/n, Her body is cold, she’s not in it anymore.” Levi said crouching down on the other side of me and I froze, No? Sasha was here, I was holding her. If she wasn’t here I couldn’t be holding her. I wasn’t going to listen to this when she was clearly okay, Sasha was okay.

“But... But If I keep holding her I can keep her warm?” My lip wobbled as I finally tore my eyes away from my best friend's face and looked up at Levi, his eyes bubbling with unshed tears something that I had not seen but a number of times. I licked the salt from my lips and looked back down at her, my chest felt like it was caving in with each word he spoke. 

Another voice pulled me from my stupor as I glanced up through blurred vision to see Hanji gripping the door frame tightly, “It’s okay y/n, It’s time to let her go.” I gasped at their words and shook my head fiercely baring my teeth as I squeezed my eyes shut in anger. How could they not see it? I could keep her warm and she would be okay? She would be okay. 

“Stop saying that! Sasha is perfectly fine! She’s gonna wake up! You’ll see! You’ll all see!” I screamed, squeezing her tighter to me and pushing my forehead against hers “She’s okay, She’ll be okay, She has to be... I can’t do this without her.” I whispered as more sobs wracked through my chest. She was gonna wake up and yell at me for letting a bullet go through me and into her and then I was going to give her any snacks she wanted and then we were going to laugh about this later down the road cracking jokes with Jena and Connie about how we ‘Dodged a bullet.’ I ignored Levi as he stood up and left with Hanji in tow muttering something about giving me space; now alone I started humming again and rocking her back and forth the same way I would when she started having nightmares after her first mission. “You gotta wake up for me okay? Me, Jean, and Connie need you- you know we need you so just wake up for us, alright?” I whispered, rocking her back and forth, my wound was healed but the toll it had taken on my body was enough to make me slump over and pass out at any second, I couldn’t let Sasha wake up to that and scare her.

“Stop it.” I froze at Jeans voice and glanced up to see him and Connie looking down at me, I gulped and shook my head glancing back down to her. “I said stop it.” Jean added a little more forcefully, walking to where I was and tried to pry my hands off of her. No no no if Jean and Connie believed it then it was true, they couldn’t believe that she was actually gone could they?

“I have to keep her warm Jean- Get off of me!” I screamed as he stomped to me and held my biceps tightly and shook me. “She’s gone! Sasha is gone!” I wiped my tears on my shoulder and jerked my shoulders free from his grasp trying my hardest not to jerk Sasha around too hard. 

“She isn’t! She’s right here, she's just sleeping!” I barked, baring my teeth at Jean who straightened up and shook his head, a tear slid down his cheek as he covered his mouth and looked at me with wide eyes. Connie stepped forward coming to crouch down next to me, I got ready to snap at him when he reached over and gently wiped the blood coming out of her mouth away. 

“Pea...Sasha would want you to rest, I’ll wake you up the moment she wakes up okay?” I looked at Connie and felt my eyelids droop at his words. He was right but I knew what he meant, I knew he was trying to ease me into the thought that Sasha wasn’t going to wake up. I sniffled, I had to let go. I had to let her go. 

“She’s not gonna wake up is she?” I whispered feeling a new fresh wave of tears stab at my eyes, I clenched my teeth and squeezed my eyes shut as my lungs stuttered for air. Jean came up behind me and sat down encasing me between his thighs as I scooted back to rest against him- Sasha still held tightly in my grasp as I kept my forehead pressed against hers, his chest shaking with sobs as he wrapped his arms around me and pressed his face against my back. Connie laid his head on my shoulder and the silence was enough of an answer. 

“Five more minutes? Please just five more minutes” I cried, pressing my cheek to Sasha's one last time as I heard Connie mutter a small ‘Five more minutes.’

[micheswife]

Filling colours - Tomas (Squad Miche).

I have never seen him in the aot fandom, because he did not have as much screen time. I guess it was just two scenes throughout the anime, I don't even know at what point he died. But the fact remains that he was a member of squad Miche, so here is my attempt at fleshing out his personality. Also, Tomas is cute af.

Summary: Tomas lost the people closest to him to some unimaginable brutality. He's sad but its going to be okay.

Warnings: Death, Grief, blood.

It was late afternoon and the innermost districts of Paradis were shaken to the core. The fight between the two intelligent titans had resulted in a large number of casualties. The pastor himself was standing a couple meters away when his followers got crushed. Unfortunately, they were about the receive what was perhaps the worst news for their kind.

A soldier, exhausted to his bones, rode into the district. He looked more disheveled than usual, worry evident in his features. Tomas bore the news of wall Rose's breach. He and Nanaba were the youngest in the squad, but his innocent and somewhat shy demeanour made him appear younger.

The scouts sprung into action right after the announcement was made, rushing to aid their trapped comrades. The cadets had rushed ahead without their gears at Nanaba's command. It was too late though, a lot of people had died, including the everyone close to Tomas. All they could retrieve were the mangled bodies of Lynne and Henning under the rubble of Utgard castle.

"She was ...talking about her father.." Connie's response made him wince.

He had been helping her cope with the shell shock of her childhood.

"It's okay, I'll always be there." Tomas had given her a promise after coaxing her out from one of her previous episodes.

"Oh what would we do without Tomas!" Miche would comment whenever he resolved the squabbles between Lynne and Gelgar. Their personalities just did not mesh together. The squad leader's comment was often followed by a pat on the back, which, albeit hard to admit had sent Tomas face first into the ground a few times.

And now his squad leader was gone forever, he knew after he saw a faint pool of blood near the quarters Miche had rushed to. It was big enough to indicate a slow, painful death, if only Gelgar had followed him.

"Don't think about it, and I don't think Gelgar could have been of any help." The lance corporal's ridiculous, insensitive comment riled him up.

"Just how CAN you say that?!" It was the first time Tomas raised his voice at a superior.

"Connie, can you repeat Gelgar's last words again for the crybaby here?"

"Forget it, its fine. I am alright. I apologize for having wasted your time captain." Tomas tried to put enthusiasm into the salute, but he couldn’t. He resigned to the dormitory and silently cried into the pillow, wondering whether it would make a difference if he quit the scout regiment. To most people, he was too soft to be a soldier, to be a man. He still wasn't sure why Miche had picked him to be in the squad.

This wasn't the first time he was struggling to keep his resolve alive, but it was certainly the worst of them all. See, the squad leader wasn't there to reassure him anymore. Henning and Gelgar would no longer come to distract him with alcohol and board games. Except for Lynne's little Lily sapling on the window sill, Tomas was truly alone, it was bad and was going to get worse.

As the last remaining member of Miche's squad, he was to deliver each member's belongings to their respective families and put an end to the chapter of his team..or former team.

Erwin would assign him to a different squad once his current duties were finished. He hoped to find a family once again, but it was very unlikely.

Things were going to be grim for the rest of his life, which fortunately was not that long. Unbeknownst to him, he would join his found family in the afterlife soon. Until then, they all would watch over him, grateful for all the times he had been the glue that still held them together.