#i treat him so reverentially as though his word is the gospel but i also know not to make it my motto to live by
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thought about dazai osamu today and had a breakdown
#the writer not the bsd version#man i just.... i just really love dazai osamu#like you have no idea#i can't word anything properly but you get the drift#i see him and his name and his works and i just cry#i treat him so reverentially as though his word is the gospel but i also know not to make it my motto to live by#his works leave me raw and wanting more and i hate hate hate how some b/s/d fans treat them (the author & character)#how do you take a man's attempts to understand himself and get help and get better#despite him believing that he couldn't. despite him trying to kill himself multiple times#despite all the shit he goes through HE TRIES#he tries so hard and NLH ends on that note: urges you to get help and see your worth and cherish connection#how do you take all that and make it into edgy anime boi#b/s/d dazai is not a bad version of dazai. in fact he's my fave one because he echoes the sentiments in the epilogue to NLH#but a lot of the new fans forget that;// and it makes me so sad#idk idk idk#im old and tired#personal#tbd
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