#i toss in some qpr stuff too because fuck you we win these

[bambeliowon]

working on my third draft of an aromantic mermaid story and i got this paragraph:

"The mermaid grew to hate marriage, whatever it was. They started to hate the waiting, the false comforts, the lack of true care, and the imaginary savior who would be their everything. They hated him the most, that imaginary prince charming. The one that everyone promised would come one day and make them forget everything that hurt. They hated him for taking so long, for expecting them to love him just because he would show up eventually. They hated him for his impossible promises, for thinking he alone was enough to block out the memory of all the people in their life that they held dear even if their grip was slipping. They hated him for existing, for making everyone think it was alright to leave them behind because he would be there. They hated him and they hated everyone who believed in him. Everyone who would only love them temporary because they didn’t think it was important to invest their time into them because he would be there. They hated him for isolating them from everyone they could have loved and received love from. They hated him for thinking he ever had a right to. They hated him for being allowed to exist. They hated so much that it was getting hard to remember how to love when all they could feel was this choking despair and anger and disappointment at this land they saw as lovely."

and i didn't realize how much i was hurting from amatonormativity until i put the mermaid's feelings into words. because their friend in leaving them behind because he feels like he has to if he is getting married. and it doesn't matter it they still live in the castle because they will still be alone with people who only pity them and hope they find a new prince to sweep them away and make it all better. but he won't and he can't and he isn't fucking real and maybe this is why dreams are made for sleeping and where better to sleep than with the fish. stay tuned for the happy ending :D