#i took a statistics class therefore i know every statistic ever

[lesbianjudasiscariot]

oh i didn't realize we were speaking to an expert, my bad

[airlock]

mathematically determining the best cooks in Fire Emblem Engage

I need to keep my hands busy to focus in class, and the way I usually accomplish this is by punishing them with some inane statistic exercise. in my most recent one, I calculated the odds of the meal outcomes from every FE17 character, and then took a stab at ranking them accordingly

these are, do duly note, not objective rankings per se; some subjective judgement goes into deciding what kinds of chance spreads are better than others -- plus, while these are ordered within the tiers, many characters do tie against each other numerically, meaning I can only tiebreak between them by basing myself on textual information

in any case, below the cut I'll provide a more in-depth analysis of each blorbo's cooking proficiency, as well as a short explanation of how the cooking roll works

so, what's cooking, good-looking?

I'm citing information from Serenes Forest, which in turn has pulled mostly from the official Fire Emblem Engage guidebook.

the basic odds on a given cooking session are thusly:

55% chance of one of the character's personal Meal Titles

35% chance of a D-rank meal

10% chance of a E, F or G-rank meal

each character has 3 personal Meal Titles assigned to them -- you know, those prefixes that run the gamut of "Firene-Style", "Spicy", "Your Favorite", etc. each of those titles is also affixed to a specific rank of meal, which can potentially vary from as high as SS to as low as G (although none of them are D-rank).

effectively, this means that the meal titles available to a character determine if and how often they'll ever soar high with their cooking. thusly, the quality of the characters' meal titles determines where the chances fall for them.

(actually using meal ingredients, and/or having the character cook meals they're Expert, Skilled or Capable with, increases the chances of landing a personal meal title and decreases the chances of a forcibly D~G-rank meal. if they're Eager with the meal, the chances of a personal title AND the chances of an E~G meal both increase, with the chances of a D-rank meal plumetting.)

with that out of the way, let's get in-depth!

X-TIER: The Master Chef

1st place: Bunet (40% S-SS, 0% A, 15% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

shocking news for us to start with here: lit oventops are hot, and Bunet, the guy whose literal job is to cook excellently... can, in fact, cook excellently,

the specifics are somewhat worth enumerating, at least. Bunet is, for starters, the only character in the entire game with more than one S-rank or higher personal meal title, which makes him likelier than anyone else to hit the absolute highest marks. speaking of which -- the absolute ABSOLUTE highest mark, double-S-rank, is only available at all to two characters in the game, of which one is, naturally, Bunet here.

and of course, all the chance spreads I'm providing here assume a meal with no ingredients given and with which the character has no expertise; cook more normally, and you'll be inching ever closer to the point where he bangs out a meal to die for as often as 50% of the time.

S-TIER: Great Cooks

2nd place: Clanne (20% S-SS, 35% A, 0% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

3rd~4th place: Goldmary, Zelkov (20% S-SS, 20% A, 15% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

5th place: Gregory (15% S-SS, 20% A, 20% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

we start this one with a slightly more unexpected outcome! yes, Clanne is indeed the second best cook in the entire game, ahead of Goldmary, and actually not so far behind Bunet that the comparison would actually be as crazy as it sounds. let's take stock of it.

all of Clanne's meal titles are either S-rank or A-rank. therefore, even if you're making him cook unfamiliar recipes without a single ingredient, there's a 55% chance he'll come out of the kitchen with a culinary miracle in his hands -- better than Bunet's 40% chances in such a scenario (as he has one B-rank personal title), and indeed, better than absolutely anyone else's chances. although he can never hit the elusive double-S-rank, Clanne's chances of cooking wonderfully only increase the more you don't subject him to utterly ridiculous conditions.

long story short, this kid makes a good fucking pickle.

narrowly yet still decisively behind comes along Goldmary -- and, numerically tied with her in another interesting twist, Zelkov. they're both capable of landing an S-rank meal, and also bat at A or higher a very solid 40% of the time. comparing the two to each other, naturally the text is far more supportive of Goldmary's cooking ability, and besides, the A-rank title that she can hit, Decadent, just sounds better than Zelkov's, which is Trendy.

inching just behind those two we have Gregory, with a very similar chance spread, just weighted 5% less in favour of hitting S-ranks.

A-TIER: Solid Cooks

6th~7th place: Framme, Timerra (40% A, 15% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

8th place: Céline (15% S-SS, 0% A, 40% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

9th~13th place: Merrin, Louis, Amber, Rosado (20% A, 35% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

one tier down, we start looking at characters who (with one exception) aren't capable of coming through with an S-rank meal, but nonetheless have outstanding odds, etching high results frequently.

Framme and Timerra share an excellent 40% chance to make A-rank meals, as well as an overall 55% chance of batting at B-rank or higher (technically the same as Bunet, you may recall). comparing the two of them, I go off their A-rank personal meal titles -- Framme's "Divine" sounds best of all, although "Your Favorite" doesn't speak to much being that I don't know what kind of food Alear likes actually; whereas Timerra's "Courageous" and "Audacious" have me thinking that A-rank might be a pretty generous way to describe what sounds less like cooking skill and more like... inventiveness.

Céline figures here, another one boasting a 55% chance of making B-rank or higher meals. she doesn't often exceed B-rank, but when she does, it's for the S-rank.

and lastly, we have a close tie between Merrin, Louis, Amber and Rosado. not only are their chance spreads identical, but they have quite similar personal meal titles as well, with all of them potentially hitting their local "[country]-style" meal -- which is non-indicative -- and with all but Rosado also sharing the "Extremely Rich" B-rank title. comparing A-rank titles, Merrin's best is "Tasteful", Louis and Rosado share "Dainty", and Amber comes out with "Robust". and to the best of my knowledge, the only one whose cooking abilities are further remarked on textually is Rosado, who falls noticeably short of Goldmary (but still valiantly tries to make up the difference).

B-TIER: Cooks with Potential

14th place: Anna (20% S-SS, 0% A, 15% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

15th place: Boucheron (20% S-SS, 0% A, 15% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

16~17th place: Saphir, Alcryst (15% S-SS, 0% A, 20% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

our next several cooks are -- again with just one exception -- the last few in the game who are capable of landing S-rank meals. they just aren't quite as consistent as other characters who can do so, though -- so while they're not bad, the stars have to align for them to really show off their best.

Lady Anna firmly leads this tier as she is, in fact, the one character who shares Bunet's ability to make a double-S-rank meal -- "First-Rate", as it were. Boucheron has a very similar chance spread to her, but his absolute best is only S-rank instead of double-S.

Saphir and Alcryst tie for the spot beneath those two, being just that last 5% less likely to make miracles happen in the kitchen. between the two, Saphir is textually put up as an experienced-if-not-fancy cook, capable of going head-to-head with Goldmary on a good day -- whereas Alcryst's cooking skills do not, to my knowledge, ever directly come up in his supports, but we all know that at heart he's our failgirl even if he's doing surprisingly well here. (in fact -- better than diamant! pew pew peeeeeeew)

C-TIER: Decent Cooks

18th place: Seadall (55% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

19th~20th place: Jean, Lapis (20% A, 15% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

21st place: Nel (15% A, 20% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

22nd place: Jade (40% B, 50% C-D, 10% E-G)

23rd~25th place: Lindon, Kagetsu, Fogado (35% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

by this tier, we're looking at characters who can't possibly cook an S-rank meal, but still have fairly good chances of pulling out A- or B-rank meals; they are, thusly, some of the last characters on the roster that we could fairly describe as "good at cooking". indeed, this is also where we'll cross the 20th and 21st places, and therefore, the line past which we're looking at the bottom half of the list.

Seadall heads up this tier with a sterling 55% chance of producing a B-rank meal (although he is the first character we're looking at who can't possibly make something A-rank or higher). he'll get solid results more often than not, even when if you make him cook Florida Man-style. not bad for someone who's probably shaking and crying over the smell rising out of the cookpot the entire time

and speaking of filling up on smell alone, Jean and Lapis tie for the next spot with surprisingly robust rates. their personal meal titles both generally sound humble, even at A-rank, but at their most unremarkable, Jean's C-rank meals are described as "Fresh" (or "Carefully Crafted"), while Lapis's are "Kind of Odd" (or "Delightful"). my gut tells me that in Jean's case, the more unpleasant meals you're getting just taste too much like spearmint and cough syrup, but in Lapis's case, you might have to explain that no, actually, people don't normally add that crunchy finish by pouring on ground pebbles.

Nel is just narrowly below those two, being 5% less likely than them to land on an A-rank meal. she is pretty much the most bog-standard cook in the entire list, with her chances spread pretty evenly across the most normal outcomes.

Jade is similar to Seadall in her solid chances of managing at least a B-rank meal. that's what writers are well known for, after all: consistency. anyway, wow, look at that over there! it's a guy falling off a llama to distract you from me kicking my WIPs under a rug!

Lindon, Kagetsu and Fogado, being that precious last 5% less likely than Jade to make a B-rank meal, are where our chances having a nice meal are starting to get shakier, which they'll only get moreso as we continue going down the list. Lindon is ahead of the pack here textually; his culinary experiments might not be safe or entirely ethical, but surely he's learned a thing or two from performing them. the other two are very closely tied, and so once again, my best bet is to vote against the one who's sometimes coming out with "Kind of Odd" meals (and in this case, it would be Fogado).

D-TIER: Mediocre Cooks

26th place: Ivy (40% A, 0% B, 35% C-D, 25% E-G)

27th~28th place: Vander, Diamant (20% A, 15% B, 35% C-D, 30% E-G)

29th place: Alfred (20% A, 20% B, 35% C-D, 25% E-G)

30th place: Hortensia (35% B, 35% C-D, 30% E-G)

31st~32nd place: Madeline, Etie (20% B, 70% C-D, 10% E-G)

33rd place: Citrinne (15% B, 75% C-D, 10% E-G)

34th~35th place: Chloé, Pannette (90% C-D, 10% E-G)

for the first several places on this tier, we're looking at our first cooks who have at least one negative personal meal title -- that is, one in the E to G ranks. our first order of business, then, is to understand what this does exactly to their chances.

the first thing to it is that, under our usual perfectly neutral and perfectly stupid conditions, these characters will be noticeably likelier to completely screw things up. moreover, though, you might remember that, if we give them proper ingredients and have them work with recipes they're skilled with, that increases their chances of making a meal with one of their personal titles -- including the negative one. when you crunch the numbers on it, the result is that having these characters cook properly will affect their chances of catastrophic failure minimally if at all (although their chances of putting out good results still increase -- as the chance of pulling out an underwhelming D-rank meal are also still decreasing in this case).

incidentally, a quirk of these conditions is that giving these character a shot at a recipe they're Eager to try is an especially risky affair. having them cook in the first place is already a form of playing with fire; giving them too much creative leeway as well is where we approach the point of playing with Bolganone.

and speaking of magic tomes, Ivy is the first one up here. a 40% chance to make an A-rank meal is excellent, meaning she's not overall a bad cook, but the chance of catastrophic failure is always just right around the corner with her.

trailing a few ways behind her we have the similarly screwup-prone Vander and Diamant. there's little going on to distinguish between them textually, but I'm just going to throw out a wild out-there guess that, on average, being terrified of fire can be a disincentive towards learning to cook.

on the surface, Alfred looks to have slightly better chances than those two, but there's a particular issue that weighs against him. so far, the characters we've covered have personal E-rank meal titles, which is true of the majority of characters who have negative personal titles. however, when Alfred screws things up, the result he's most liable to turning up with is a "Stomach-Churning" F-rank meal!

Hortensia doesn't fail quite that catastrophically, but unlike the other ones we've seen so far, her risk of failing isn't quite offset by a risk of actually making something amazing; she's the first one we've seen so far who can't make A-rank meals, although she still has a pretty decent chance of making it as far as B-rank, at least.

after this battery of adventure and danger, we come to the latter half of the D-tier: characters who generally won't surprise you with their cooking -- for better or for worse, as it were.

Madeline and Etie are overwhelmingly likeliest to turn up underwhelming dishes, at the C or D ranks; Citrinne is another 5% likelier than them both to make no impression whatsoever. between the former two, Madeline's personal B-rank title of "Well-Balanced" seems just a touch more inviting than Etie's "Mild".

Chloé and Pannette bottom out the tier; they are two of the only three characters in the game who cap out at C-rank, and never cook any better than that. comparing those two, Pannette is indicated in text to struggle with cooking (even under Goldmary's guidance), whereas Chloé might possibly serve something nicer if she simply doesn't insist that it should be washed down with civet coffee and snake wine.

F-TIER: Bad Cooks

36th place: Rafal (15% A, 0% B, 55% C-D, 30% E-G)

37th place: Mauvier (15% B, 55% C-D, 30% E-G)

38th place: Veyle (15% A, 0% B, 55% C-D, 30% E-G)

from here on downward, every character we cover has a negative meal title, as well as unimpressive chances of making something particularly good.

Rafal and Mauvier both have only a 15% chance of batting above C-tier; rather little to compensate for their naturally higher chances of screwing things up. at least, when Rafal gets it right, he makes an "Audacious" A-rank meal, while Mauvier's absolute best is a B-rank... "Firene-style"?? huh. I don't think I uncovered that tidbit about him anywhere else so far.

Veyle ranks lower than the both of them, in any case. that is because she shares with Alfred that special aptitude for turning up "Stomach-Churning" F-rank meals. possibly something to do with her affinity for inhumanely spicy food, which perhaps helps to paint an unpleasantly precise picture of how you'll feel when you try some of the worst she has to offer.

L-TIER: Horrible Cooks

39th place: Zelestia (15% S-SS, 0% A, 0% B, 35% C-D, 50% E-G)

40th place: Pandreo (20% B, 35% C-D, 45% E-G)

41st place: Yunaka (70% C-D, 30% E-G)

and here we are, at long last, in the absolute bottom of the barrel. boy, is there some and then some to be said for the absolute accomplishments in failure we're looking at here

Zelestia and Pandreo share a spectacularly unique dishonor: they have two negative personal meal titles. this not only makes them more likely by far than anyone else to screw things up, it also means that they actually become LIKELIER to fail if you give them proper ingredients and a recipe they supposedly specialize in. (although again, the chances of their unlikely positive results also go up in these cases, if much too little)

even compared to those two clowns, though, Yunaka lies down a cut below the rest. firstly, because unlike the two of them, she won't cook an impressively good meal even by accident, being that she caps at C-rank. what's furthermore notable, though, is that she is the only character in the entire game with a personal G-rank title -- "Completely Burnt". in other words, Yunaka will never surprise you with an unusually good dish, but she will, on roughly every fourth attempt at cooking, burn water.

go girl! give us nothing!

[annazverina]

2020 Letter to the World

In 2015, I began writing annual Letters to the World to reflect on what I learned during the year. I shared my first one publicly in 2018, and since then I discuss certain topics that were relevant during the year and what they taught me. Enjoy.

***

I typically don’t start writing my annual Letter to the World until October or November at the earliest, but this year has already been a huge whirlwind for the entire world. I started writing this in April and edited it until the day it was posted. At that point, we had been in isolation for a month. A few weeks later, yet another revolution sparked within the United States. As soon as the riots and protests started, I knew this would be the hardest letter I’ve ever written. 

This year I will discuss coronavirus, racism, social media, and the importance of face to face communication. 

Around the time I finished writing last year’s letter, a new illness was taking over Wuhan, China. This new, mysterious strain of coronavirus was infecting people left and right. But like any other American, I didn’t worry about it, though I kept track of it on Twitter. I remember the time when there were only 600 cases, and it hadn’t spread outside of Wuhan yet. Man, those were the days. It’s amazing how much the world changed within a month, a week, and a few days. 

A month before isolation, my friends and I drove down to San Antonio for the TMEA convention. Tens of thousands of music educators in the same building. At that same time, San Antonio had its first cases of COVID-19. Less than a month later, SXSW was cancelled. That’s when I realized that this was becoming a big deal. The same day the WHO declared the pandemic, my university announced it was moving to online instruction for what would eventually be the rest 2020. My first day of quarantine was 14 March. I began vlogging occasionally to document the experience. 

I barely left the house during quarantine. For the first five months, the only reasons I left were to go walking, move out of the dorm, or to pick up food. My family took a trip to Colorado right before I left for school, which was our first time eating at a restaurant in 150 days. None of my family or our friends officially tested positive. At school, my roommate did, which led to a two week isolation for me. It really bothered me that those who could stay home weren’t. I get that the United States was founded with freedom in mind (even though we’re not free yet), but I don’t understand why people weren’t willing to give up a little bit of freedom and wear a piece of cloth on their face. Sometimes, you have to give up freedom for the sake of the big picture. I learned that many Americans don’t understand that. The United States shut down too late and reopened too early. Those above us care too much about money. The economy is important, but so are people. Human lives matter, including Black lives.

We all know what happened.

Every January in elementary school, we learned about the Civil Rights Movement. However, they did not mention that racism was still an ongoing problem. They implied that it was a thing of the past. God, I wish it was. I don’t think it ever will be, but the things we can do to eliminate it as much as possible are promoting anti-racism and teaching those who come after us that no matter where someone comes from, they can’t form any opinions about them until they know what’s in their heart. 

That entire week after the murder was very overwhelming. It made me wonder what kind of families racist people grew up in to think that it’s okay to not be good to everyone. I live my life with one thing in mind all the time: be good to myself and others. And I think everyone else, regardless of socioeconomic background, race, religion, whatever, should do the same. And we must teach those who come after to follow those footsteps.

There was never a class in school dedicated to being good citizens. They just yelled at the students doing bad things to stop, but never explained why it was bad, nor did they tell them how to be better. Common human decency is something that should be taught K-12, and I honestly think it’s more important than STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math). We cannot force the students to rely on their parents for something like this, because some parents are uneducated, some are not good people, some suck at parenting, and way too many children in the world don’t even have parents. Schools are the ones that need to teach kids how to be good… all the way through. 

WE MUST BE THE CHANGE. Those currently in power appear to not be doing anything, so those who want change must RISE UP. For us civilians, signing petitions and donating is great, and being good, like I mentioned above, is also something we should do. We must change our behavior for the better. We cannot rely on other people to do stuff for us. We must do it ourselves. Change is not a process that can happen over night. So far it’s taken decades/centuries of work, but someday we will be there. Even if we don’t live to see it, the work we do now will help our future descendants. 

After George Floyd’s murder and the explosion of social media, I was super overwhelmed with everything I was reading. I decided to take the month of June off of Twitter, and man, I’m glad I did. Social media in general is a toxic place to be, and cutting out Twitter and Facebook was healthy for me. In terms of toxicity, Twitter and Facebook, in my opinion, are the worst platforms. On Twitter, it’s hard to control what you see in your feed. Most of the tweets in my feed are from people I don’t follow. They’re tweets I never signed up to see, and they flood my feed with posts that sometimes feel like propaganda. Sometimes I feel like celebrities are worshipped like a deity. I often feel like I’m not allowed to have my own personal beliefs on Twitter, rather I have to conform to what the loudmouthed users believe. If I don’t, I’m racist, misogynistic, homophobic, etc. Facebook is similar, but most of the people I follow are my friends or family, so I can’t unfollow them.

Surprisingly, I like Instagram. Reposting is very uncommon, and posting more than once a day is unofficially considered spam, therefore people have to put all their politics into one single post, which I can scroll past and never see again. You never see posts from people you don’t follow, (except for the occasional advert) and overall I think people use it mostly to share photos of their lives. Most of the flaws that come from Instagram are the people who use it, but it’s easy to avoid them. 

My brother shared some statistics with me recently. Only about 10 percent of Twitter users tweet on a normal basis. About 40 percent of people in the United States have a Twitter account. With that in mind, theoretically, the loud mouthed Twitter users only make up about 4 percent of the U.S. population. Or… something like that. I don’t know how accurate these statistics are, nor do I know where my brother got them from. Regardless, social media does not represent everyone in the world. Not even close.

The nice thing about living in a world of social media is being able to keep in touch with friends and family while quarantined. This whole quarantine process made me ever so grateful for face to face meetings. Some people believe no one will ever want to work again once everything ends. That’s not true. I think most people like working. Being able to leave the house every day and do something, even if it’s something you don’t like, is what keeps us sane. When it came time to return to school, I was initially really mad due to COVID. I ended up being okay with it. My school did a fantastic job at keeping COVID cases down for the entire semester (we only had an average of 20 cases a week, compared to some schools who had hundreds). Not only that, but I was able to see my family away from home again. Even though we wore masks and social distanced most of the time, things felt somewhat normal. 

If you are the kind of person who could care less if you see your friends and coworkers in person, don’t forget that most people don’t feel that way. It’s hard to have group conversations on Zoom. You certainly can’t have a party where multiple conversations happen. Don’t assume everyone feels the same way about something. Let people have their social gatherings when it’s acceptable again, and don’t belittle people who feel different from you.

Everyone must do the right thing… all the time. Even when no one is watching. It’s our job to develop the habit of being good to ourselves and to others regardless. If we do that, we’ll be able to go back to a normal-ish life sooner. Lin-Manuel Miranda called America a “great unfinished symphony” in Hamilton. America, you great unfinished symphony, we still have unfinished business to take care of. The change we need won’t come tomorrow. The amount of work we have before we reach the double bar line will take generations to get to. We cannot allow a repeat sign. We must start today. May 2021 be a year of healing.

[nxtehqs]

hiii, everyone !! i’m lacey. i’m 22 years old in the gmt+1 tmz with she/her pronouns. i am beyond excited to get into this rp !! i’m so glad you all decided to apply and fulfill my dreams. this is a really old muse of mine that i’m really excited to get to play once again. i hope you all hate love him just as much as i do !! excuse how terribly rushed this intro is, but i’m lazy and i gotta help my paps with something real quick. enjooyyyy.

[ harry styles, cismale, 21 ] did you see NATHAN ‘NATE’ SINCLAIR ? looking as broke as ever. rumor has it HE is usually -CYNICAL and -OBSTINATE but is also known to be +PLACID and +DEBONAIR. we’ll see about that. they kind of remind me of DEEP FROWN CREASES, RESTLESS NIGHTS, MORNING AFTER HAIR. maybe because they’re a SCORPIO. they’ve been living around here for 7 YEARS. i wonder when they’ll make it out…

**please feel free to read up on nate’s statistics HERE !!

nathan ‘nate’ sinclair was born on november 7th, 1998 to christopher and amelia sinclair. he was the middle child of three.

and as the stereotype goes, the middle child is the forgotten child. which was definite for nate. he always got his older brothers hand me downs. for christmas, he got toys that his older brother had gotten before that he was now bored of

the sinclair family were originally born and raised in a small village known as lacock, wiltshire in england. 

christopher and amelia sinclair were two extremely religious parents who devoted their lives to the church and and spoke highly of the bible. nate’s father would read a passage before each meal they shared together.

money was always an issue for the sinclair family. they were almost only going to send the eldest brother to school because they couldn’t afford it. but christopher prayed every day for a better life for their family

and that was when christopher was offered a huge job opportunity across the globe in south carolina, usa. he was convinced that this was as a result of the workings of god. 

not too long later, their home in lacock was sold and the family got the most affordable flight to south carolina.

they moved to crawford when nate was fourteen years old

nate immediately took a liking to the states. previously, he had always struggled to make friends because he wasn’t one to talk much. he’d always been socially awkward. but living here, he made a friend in his neighborhood quite quickly ( AVAILABLE PLOT ? )

his siblings were his friends before but when they moved to the usa, his brother and sister found their own friends and quickly, they drifted apart. what was once endless laughter and cheers quickly turned into yelling and constant arguing.

when nate was 17, he was around that age when he was beginning to explore his sexuality. the worst mistake he ever made was doing just that but at his own home. that night when his dad walked in on his son straddling the lap of some boy was by far the worst night of his life. ( AVAILABLE PLOT ? )

he grabbed his arm and pulled him off the other, and yelled ‘how could you?!’ over and over, as if nate had done something wrong. 

for months, christopher didn’t speak to his son. he watched him with disapproving stares, eyes of pure disgust. the tension at the dinner table was awful. and nate noticed how his dad always make sure to quote particular passages in the bible. every night.

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her,” or  “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh,”

Nate tried to explain to his father that he did love women. but he loved men too. and that wasn’t a bad thing. christopher didn’t want to hear a word of it, and insisted that there was something wrong with nate for him to think like that.

not even half a year later, nate’s dad lost his job. the only source of income was nate’s mother, amelia, on minimum wage at the local cafe. immediately, christopher took it out on nate. he blamed it on him, insisting that it was god punishing them for nate’s sins.

the constant mental abuse from his father left nate in a way that could be described in no other way then sad, lonely, and insecure. he felt as if the whole world was against him. any friends he had, he slowly drifted from and struggled to make anymore. 

he spent almost every day in his room, keeping to himself and perhaps reading or learning something new. something nate prided himself in was his intelligence. he was always top of the class, and had never in his life failed a test. he actually enjoyed studying, because it was one of the few things that distracted his mind. his dream was to some day be able to afford college, or get a scholarship somewhere.

as nate got older, he found that it actually wasn’t as scary walking into the local pub and ordering yourself a drink underage. the first few times, he was rejected because the bar tender knew his family. but when the gossip spread that the owner of the pub had passed away, and someone else had bought it, nate found himself as a regular customer. a whole year passed, and he wasn’t asked for id.

now that he’s 21, he wished he was because he could now show off his age card.

since he started going out more, going to the pub or the few take aways around town, nate discovered a new way to distract his mind. a way almost as enjoyable as studying. sex. is he really kinky ? that’s a secret he’d never tell. xoxo

was he embarrassed that he quickly became known as one of the biggest fuck boys around the village ? not at all. nate stopped caring a long time ago. what was the point?

besides, he didn’t understand why people were so mad. all he wanted was a quick hook up with no strings attached. it wasn’t his fault that some people just didn’t understand that. 

nate wasn’t the greatest flirt but with a smirk and some showing off of his dimples, he could get his way. 

but nate hated people who played hard to get. if you’re going to drag it on, then he didn’t have time for you. why? because nate knows he has a tendency to fall for anyone who’s nice to him. 

last time someone was all cute, and nice and kind and adorable and teased him and played hard to get and was all annoying but beautiful...nate spent a good week crying because they didn’t like him back. ( AVAILABLE PLOT ? )

he swore to never embarrass himself like that again but it was only a matter of time.

because he’s a crier and he hates that.

nate tries to act like he doesn’t care but he so cares. in reality, he’s quite the softy. he cries reading books or watching sad movies, he falls weak when people kiss his forehead, he loves cuddling. he’ll never admit it but he’d actually like to get married and have kids some day. but not for a long time.

for now, his dream is college and to make enough money to travel the world and prove his parents wrong. or to just move out and away from his god awful family.

he may come across as rude or standoffish or like an asshole but it’s all an act, do not be fooled. he will start fights to seem cool but end up getting his ass beat. 

he does love gossip and drama but hates being involved. if he hears about something happening, he needs to know about it. 

okay that’s all i can think of for now i’ll add more later xoxoxoxoxoo

[sgtcalhouns]

College AU, Ch. 13

this update picks up right where the last one left off because we’re not done with that “i love you” drama yet because of course we aren’t. enjoy!

Felix woke early the next morning, idly rubbing Tamora’s back as he lost himself in thought. Despite what he had told her the night before, he was beginning to find it more and more difficult to deny that he was truly falling in love with her. He fought himself over whether he should confess his feelings to her; if he were to tell her he loved her now, she might believe it to be another bout of confusion and excitement. And he had promised her he wouldn’t say it again anytime soon. But above all else, he wanted to be honest with her. He frowned as he considered his dilemma.

“What’s got you so grumpy this early in the morning?” a sleepy voice mumbled.

He looked down to see Tamora looking back at him, having apparently woken up during his ruminations. 

“Oh, just thinkin’ about the statistics exam I’ve got this afternoon,” he replied, hoping his excuse would be enough to convince her.

“You always stress yourself out so much over these tests, but you always end up getting an A,” she smirked. She shifted off of his chest and onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow.

“You’re right,” he said. “But you know me, always the worry-wart.”

“We’ll just have to find some way to help you relax,” she said with a mischievous glint in her eye. 

Before he could respond, she leaned down, planting a deep kiss on his lips. He sighed blissfully, reaching up to cradle her cheek in his hand. She pulled away to find him gazing up at her adoringly, his cheeks tinted pink. 

“I can work with that,” he grinned.

Tamora rolled her eyes and gave him a playful shove. In retaliation, Felix grabbed her sides and began to tickle her, relishing her laughter until she collapsed on top of him. Soon, their quiet moment of early-morning tenderness had given way to a lighthearted scuffle, their sounds of mirth filling the room as they fought for dominance. It seemed as though Felix was going to come out on top as he caught Tamora’s hands in his own, preventing her from grabbing his shoulders like she had planned. He looked up at her with a cocky grin as it seemed he had her beat, when she took him by surprise by leaning down to kiss him. The action caused him to melt beneath her, and she took the opportunity to straddle his waist, pinning his wrists down on either side of his head.

“Looks like I win.” She smiled victoriously.

“No fair,” Felix pouted. “Flag on the play for underhanded distraction.”

“Are you really complaining?” she asked, leaning down so her face was barely an inch away from his.

His eyes went wide, dazed by their sudden proximity.

“No,” he answered softly.

The moment the word left his lips she was kissing him again. She released her hold on his wrists and he immediately used his freed appendages to hold her close, one hand in the small of her back and the other tangled in her hair.

“You win,” he murmured against her lips.

Tamora smiled into the kiss and Felix let himself give in to the languid desire that was beginning to awaken within him. He tilted his head and parted his lips, allowing her tongue to sweep into his mouth, and a warm tingle spread through his body at the contact. His hand slipped under the hem of her shirt, his fingers kneading the bare skin on her back. They were both so preoccupied by their lazy morning affection that all thoughts of the date and time were long forgotten. Therefore, it took them both by surprise when the alarm on Tamora’s phone went off, ripping right through the hazy warmth that surrounded them.

“I have to get ready for class,” she sighed disappointedly.

“Alright,” Felix replied in a teasingly over-the-top disgruntled tone. “But I want a rematch later.”

They shared a tender smile before Tamora got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. She turned over her shoulder to respond.

“That can be arranged.”

As Tamora began her shower, Felix sat in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal. His chin rested in his hand and he couldn’t help the soft smile on his face as he thought about her. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Ralph exiting his bedroom.

“So things worked out alright between you and Tamora, I take it?” Ralph asked.

“Oh,” Felix said, startled by his friend’s presence. “Things are more than alright between us, Ralph.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice, I can practically see the hearts in your eyes,” Ralph chuckled. “Oh, before I forget, we got the invite to the winter formal, it’s in a couple weeks.”

“I almost forgot about that,” Felix said. “I’m not sure if I really want to go this year.”

“Are you kidding?” Ralph asked. “You look forward to it every year.”

“I know, but what’s the point in going if I can’t bring the one person I’d want to be my date?” Felix asked. 

“Well, you’ve gone without a date before,” Ralph suggested. “This wouldn’t be any different.”

“But it would,” Felix explained. “When I went without a date, the dancing was all in good fun and it didn’t matter because I wasn’t really tied to anyone anyway. But I just wouldn’t feel right dancing with anyone else now that I’m with her.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you take dancing so seriously,” Ralph said. “What gives?”

“Well...” Felix said quietly. “D’you remember what we talked about last night?”

“Yes,” Ralph said cautiously, afraid he already knew where the conversation was headed.

“Well, I... I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I think...” he trailed off, nervous to say it out loud. “Ralph, I think I meant what I said to her last night.”

“What do you mean?” Ralph asked.

“I mean I...” Felix gulped. “I’m in love with her.”

“Are you absolutely sure?” Ralph asked firmly.

“I’m sure, brother,” Felix answered. “The way I feel when I’m with her... There’s nothing like it. I would do anything to make her happy. She’s all I can think about most of the time and she’s the only person I want to be with.”

The pair of roommates were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn’t notice the water turning off in the bathroom as Tamora stepped out of the shower. She could just make out the muffled sounds of their conversation.

“So, did you tell her that?”

“No,” Felix admitted. “I know it scared her when I said it last night, and I promised her I wouldn’t say it again. But I don’t know how long I can keep it from her. I want her to know how I feel, but I would never forgive myself if I scared her away.”

“Well, if you’re really serious, you’re gonna have to tell her at some point.”

“I know,” Felix grumbled. “I just don’t know what to do. I can’t tell her that I love her, but I can’t keep it from her forever. And I can’t take her to the dance.”

He sighed heavily, burying his face in his hands. Ralph clapped a large hand on his back in a show of support.

“You’ll figure it out, Felix,” he said as comfortingly as was possible for him. “But as far as the dance goes, I can always bring her as my ‘date,’ and then we can go as a group. That way you can hang out together without it being suspicious.”

“Well, isn’t there someone you wanna bring as your date?” Felix asked.

“You know as well as I do that there is no romantic traction building up for me right now,” Ralph chuckled. “Besides, it’s the least I can do to make up for all those dying cat jokes.”

Felix paused for a moment, eyeing his roommate for any signs of hesitation. He found none.

“Thank you, Ralph,” he said. “It really means a lot that you’d go out of your way to help me like this.”

“S’What I’m here for, buddy,” Ralph replied. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve decided to give this whole ‘going to class’ thing a try.”

“Good luck to you, brother,” Felix said with a laugh as Ralph left.

Barely a moment later, his own bedroom door opened and Tamora walked into the kitchen with her backpack in tow. She smiled at him, but he could sense a hint of uncertainty in her eyes. 

“Is everything alright?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m just stressing out over this group presentation I have later today,” she said, offering a similar excuse as the one he had given her earlier. “I swear I’m the only one in my group who actually knows what’s going on in class.”

“Well, even if your group is less than prepared, I’m sure you’ll knock it out of the park, Tammy,” he said with a smile.

“Thank you,” she smiled back. “The same goes for you with that test this afternoon. I know it’s nothing you can’t handle.”

She rounded the table, leaning down to kiss him before she left. He quickly stole a second kiss as she was pulling away.

“See you tonight?” she asked.

He nodded. “Have a good day, Tammy.”

“You, too.”

Tamora grabbed her things and left, pausing as soon as the door closed behind her to catch her breath. Her heart was racing, and it was a miracle she had made it out of Felix’s apartment without him noticing the spike in her level of anxiety. After a moment of deep breathing, she left for class, contemplating how she was going to tell Felix that she had heard everything he had just said to Ralph. How could she tell him that she had accidentally eavesdropped on his conversation and overheard him declaring his love for her?

And more importantly, how was she going to admit to Felix --and herself-- that deep down, she loved him, too?

[haggendazs-dispersion]

Soulmates (LAMP)

Ship: LoganxPattonxRomanxVirgil (LAMP)

AU: Human AU, Soulmates AU

Warnings: Bullying

Requested By: No One

Plot: Virgil, Patton, Roman, and Logan aren't sure what to make of the three names on their wrist, but fate couldn't have been kinder.

~♧◇♡♤~♧◇♡♤~♧◇♡♤~

Virgil had no clue what to do with the names on his wrist. That's right, names. Not one, but three names, the names of his soulmates. No one knew he had three soulmates, god knows how well that would end. He didn't even understand how this happened, or how it worked.

Did they all have each other's names? Did they all have different names and he was doomed to be alone forever? Did they have each other's names and not his?

He had no clue.

No matter how confused he was, however, those names brightened his day. Being as anxious and socially awkward as he was, he was alone, but the names gave him hope of a brighter future.

He tried to imagine what they were like based off their names, imagined how they would meet, what their wedding would be like, anything to keep his mind off the real world around him. He spent every day thinking about Logan, Patton, and Roman, his soulmates.

~♧◇♡♤~

Patton loved having three names on his wrist, all the more people to hug and kiss and cuddle and just love. He didn't care that it was strange to have three soulmates, that it made no sense to the rest of the world. He was content to one day find and love the faces behind the names.

It made him even happier that all three names were on his wrist, and hopefully on theirs as well, because the world wouldn't be allowed to deny their love. It was legally binding that if their name is on your wrist and yours is on theirs, no one could separate you; they were not allowed to, you could not be denied anything based on who your soulmate is. Therefore, no one could deny them anything, including legally sanctified marriage.

He didn't spend much time imagining his soulmates. He was content with waiting to find out, rather than build up an image in his mind and be disappointed when they weren't like he imagined. He would love his soulmates unconditionally, that was why they were his soulmates. But he could never get their names out of his mind, Logan, Roman, and Virgil, his soulmates.

~♧◇♡♤~

Logan was confused. From what he originally understood at a young age was that everyone had a soulmate, a meaning singular. How did he end up with three? This surely meant all three had his name along with the other two, but how did this happen?

The older he got, the more he researched the topic. He found that it was not completely impossible to have multiple soulmates. It was just rare, even rarer to have three. The thought of being a statistic anomaly made him happy, it meant he was special, and so were his soulmates, even if they would always be special in his eyes.

He had an idea on what his soulmates would be like, but he wasn't sure. After extensive research on each of their names, he had an idea of their personality type, but he could be wrong. Part of him hoped he was right, part of hoped he was wrong, and all of him had no clue which part he agreed with more. But he did know their names, and something told him he would know them when he saw them. Patton, Roman, and Virgil, his soulmates.

~♧◇♡♤~

Roman was already in love with all three of his soulmates. He was already planning dates he could take them on, dates for all four of them, individual dates he could take each of them on. He was pretty sure he knew who his soulmates were. There were three boys in his classes with the same names on his wrist, and he was already in love with them all.

Logan was in his government class and his English class. He couldn't figure out why he was taking such basic classes, he was smart enough to take the honors classes the school offered, but he was thankful nonetheless.

Patton was in his art class, and damn was he talented. The teacher was constantly showing off his art to the rest of the class, and Roman loved every work he created.

Virgil was in his creative writing and gym class. He wasn't very athletic, he used every excuse he could to get out of actually doing activities, but he was an amazing writer. The teacher had read several of his writings out loud to the class, and while they may have been darker topics, but they were beautifully written.

He used his artistic talents to draw them to the best of his ability, he used his time in writing to create elaborate dates for them, he couldn't wait for the chance to introduce himself to them, to finally meet the loves of his life.

~♧◇♡♤~

Virgil's day started off horribly. He woke up way too early after a nightmare after staying up most of the night. Then when he arrived at school his bullies cornered him against his locker, shoving him into it, the lock digging into his spine, punching him, kicking him, spitting on him.

Roman saw this from down the hall, and he couldn't stand for it. He had no idea this was happening, but he wouldn't let it happen any longer. Roman rushed down the hall and tackled who looked like the main bully and punched him hard on the nose. The others scrambled away, running in all directions, and when he stood up, the boy he punched ran away as well. Roman turned to Virgil, who had collapsed to the floor and began to hyperventilate, a panic attack setting in. Roman had no clue what to do but tried anything he could to stop it, but nothing seemed to work.

Logan, who was walking by, felt drawn in by the two on the floor and immediately recognized that Virgil was having a panic attack. He crouched down and began to coach him through it, showing him how to breathe, reassuring him that he was fine when he failed, and smiling proudly when he was finally able to follow the breathing pattern, telling him how good he was doing.

Roman watched in amazement, falling even more in love at that moment, completely sure that he was right in assuming these two were two of the faces behind the names. Once Virgil could breathe normally and talk, Roman stood up to help him up off the floor and bring him to the nurse's office but instead ran into Patton, who was also walking by. Roman turned to apologize but froze when he saw who it was, his words caught in his throat.

Patton smiled kindly, before seeing Logan crouched in front of Virgil, whose cheeks were still stained with tears. "Is he okay?" He asked, worry creasing his face.

"He, uh, he should be, we were just going to take him to the nurse." Roman stuttered out in response. After a second he held out his hand, "Roman." He knew all three of them were staring at him, his name on their wrists.

Patton slowly took his hand and shook it, "Patton." His eyes never left Roman, as Logan and Virgil stared at them both. Logan stood himself up, then helped up Virgil, making sure he was able to stand properly on his own.

Once Roman and Patton finally looked away from each other, their hands dropping back to their sides, Logan spoke up. "I, uh, I'm Logan by the way." Roman just smiled wider as Virgil and Patton looked to Logan in surprise.

Suddenly, they all looked to Virgil expectantly. For a moment, he couldn't get a word out, these people he just met were his soulmates, and they were more amazing than he could ever imagine. Finally, he whispered out "Virgil." Roman continued to smile, already having known for months, but he let the other three take it in, process it.

"We should start toward the nurse. We can talk on the way there, and once we get there." Roman suggested. They slowly nodded and the four of them headed down the hall to the nurse.

"You're really calm about this." Logan pointed out after a moment, looking to Roman for an explanation. Patton and Virgil turned to look at him as well, realizing that Logan was right, Roman was abnormally calm.

Roman turned red and reached a hand up to scratch the back of his head. "I, uh, may or may not have already known. I had a hunch, more or less. You guys were in some of my classes, and I knew your names, and it made sense, and yeah."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Patton asked.

Roman laughed slightly, "that would go over well. 'Hi, my name is Roman, I've been stalking you for months because I think you're one of my soulmates.'" They all laughed at that, even Virgil. He wasn't sure why he laughed, because he never does, but something about these three made him so happy, he couldn't help himself. "Anyway, I saw you guys in my classes, and I just... knew, I guess. I saw you and something in me just told me and then I found out your names and it just sealed the deal. I fell in love at first sight. I started planning dates, I tried to sketch you all in my notebooks any chance I got."

"Awww, that's sweet." Patton gushed, causing Roman to turn red all over again.

They continued to talk as they walked, getting to know each other, falling in love. They went on all the dates Roman had planned, and even more that he had yet to come up with. They got married, and it was beautiful and all of their friends and family showed up. They adopted two little boys and raised them as their own, and life was beautiful.

~♧◇♡♤~♧◇♡♤~♧◇♡♤~

[cmcdonagh19ahsgov-blog]

Civic Action Evidence

Letter to the senator

Dear Senator Dianne Feinstein,

My name is Caitlin McDonagh. I am 17 years old and a senior at Acalanes High School in Lafayette, California. Throughout my high school career I have learned a lot about government and contemporary issues, and I write to you with concern about the Second Amendment of the Constitution. As I very well know that getting rid of the amendment will never happen, nor do I support getting rid of this amendment, I would support and urge you think about trying to get your fellow senators on board with a federal ban on assault rifles. In 1994 the Public Safety and Recreational Firearms Use Protection Act was put into action for ten years and expired in 2004. We have hundreds of schools shootings every year and I write to you with my concern for all kids nationwide. A ban on assault rifles on a federal level could potentially save hundreds of lives and make guns harder to access. Our second amendment right is a privilege, it allows us to protect ourselves, yet people exercise this right to kill others. Time in jail or the death penalty will only affect those who have commited the crime, and there are more murders to come. Jail time is a punishment not prevention. Help before it is too late.

Respectfully,

Caitlin McDonagh

Acalanes

Interview With a Gun Owner

How did you acquire your gun? What was the process?

“I have an antique shotgun handed down from my grandfather. That gun is not registered or permitted, however it has some mechanical issues that prevent firing.

I also have a 9 mm semi-automatic Berretta hand gun. I purchased that gun several years ago from Sacramento Gun Club. The term semi-automatic means that one bullet is fired each time I pull the trigger, and the gun recoil automatically loads the next bullet in the chamber; waiting on the next trigger pull. Fully-automatic refers to a weapon which fires multiple rounds with one pull of the trigger; such as an M16 military assault rifle that can empty the magazine by holding the trigger down one time. The magazine, or clip, is the cartridge that holds the bullets, also referred to as rounds of ammunition.

Prior to purchasing the gun, I applied for a handgun permit by filling out an extensive form provided by Sac Gun Club, and I paid the corresponding processing fee (I don’t recall the fee amount). The Gun Club then reviewed the application, made copies of my drivers license, birth certificate, and passport, and processed the application for me. It took a few weeks to get approval of the application (presumably through county, state, and federal agencies); at that time I was pre-approved for a handgun permit. During that same time period I attended a handgun safety class at the Gun Club.

As a result of that training, I received a Firearm Safety Certificate issued by the US Dept of Justice.

I then purchased the Berretta from the Gun Club, and they registered the gun’s serial number against my gun permit. There was a ten day waiting period in which the gun, ammunition, and corresponding permit were held by the Gun Club before I could come back in to pick them up.”

Do you keep your gun unloaded or loaded while it is in your house?

“ The gun is kept on the top shelf of a closet in a locked bio-metric combination gun safe. The gun itself is not loaded, however there are three ten round clips in the safe with the gun. The safe is portable so that it can be transported in a bag to the Gun Club. The Club has strict rules for carrying guns, and specific procedures for when and how you remove the gun from the safe for use on the practice range. My gun has never been removed from the safe unless I was standing in front of the indoor range target. I own the gun for entertainment, in the form of indoor target practice, and on a lesser level for a sense of home security and protection. Statistically the need for a gun during a specific event, such as a home invasion, is very unlikely; but I have access to that weapon should that event ever occur. I do not use guns to hunt animals.”

Do you believe everyone should receive a background check before receiving a gun?

“Absolutely yes. An extensive background check should be mandatory. Further, I would advocate for additional personality check mechanisms in the permit process. It would not offend me if the agencies made a concerted effort to confirm I was not mentally unstable in any way prior to purchasing a gun. Further, the permit application requirements should increase depending on the type of weapon. For example, long range rifles should require additional information and documentation relative to psychological suitability and training.”

Do you think assault rifles are protected are the second amendment, therefore allowing people to own them?

“No. I have not read the constitution lately, but I don’t believe the contemporary interpretation of the laws established by the constitution, and it’s amendments, contemplates citizens arming themselves against our own government. Nor do I believe the term ‘right to bear arms’ translates to modern day police or military style weapons. Single shot, semi-automatic weapons for hunting or self-defense (against criminals) should remain legal for qualified, properly permitted citizens. If you are not military or law enforcement, I see no reason why ‘assault type’ guns or rifles should be legally obtained by private individuals. “

[kindagaysortadeadhandsoffmy-blog]

Activism is my kink. I am gay as fuck and I am black as fuck. So enjoy this or unfollow. Thanks!

My older brother and I agree that my former speech and debate teacher is in fact, a racist. He is a white man, favouring fact over all, naturally in his choice of subject matter. I, a Biracial young women, along with my ‘black’ friend Simone, could easily point out his discomfort when we ever brought up race. His discomfort stemmed from the fact that he rarely agreed with our viewpoints on racism in america. After all, he is a white man, favouring fact over all naturally in his choice of subject matter. People hate to bring up race, so that is what i'm doing. Imperishable systematic and personally mediated racism in America, negatively affects People Of Color in the justice system, in medical history, and in everyday life; whilst giving those of European descent many advantages.

The time-honored dolor People Of Color face is not limited by medical moral. Spiteful behavior towards those unlucky enough to be a different color has spilled into the iatrical history of America. “When the Tuskegee Study Of Untreated Syphilis In The Negro Male was exposed in 1972, the world learned that, for four decades, doctors paid by the U.S Government's Public Health Service had let poor black men go untreated for syphilis, so that the doctors could study what the disease would do to the men’s bodies. The doctors did not tell the men they had syphilis or even explain to them that they were part of a medical research study. They gave the men annual physical examinations and supplied them with what was said to be medicine to cure a condition that the doctors called “Bad Blood”. The medicine however, was only aspirin and vitamins, which could do nothing to alleviate the deadly effects of syphilis.” (Uschan) This may seem like a simple unethical practice, executed by the Government in the hopes to conduct research for the greater good; however the key detail in the Tuskegee Study, is that more than majority of the subjects were African American. The doctors took advantage of their lack of education, as well as lack of rights, to actually allow them to die under their surveillance. “Slaves found themselves as subjects of medical experiments… because the state considered them property and denied them the legal right to refuse to participate.” (Uschan)

In april 1933, they sent out an outrages letter, trying to recruit at least 400 Black men to undergo painful, dangerous, spinal taps. To perform a spinal tap, doctors must remove spinal fluid, doing so by inserting a large needle into the base of the spine. The patients were unaware of the pain, the side effects, or the reasoning behind the procedure. The letter did not inform them of anything, selling the lie of “Bad Blood.” Many times during the operation men would pass out, be left partially or fully paralyzed, and experience unholy pain. The members suffered as they were left untreated for decades as the Syphilis ravaged their bodies.

The racism in the study does not stop at abusing the subjects due to lack or rights and intelligence; going on to becoming a matter of false information and horrible judgement. Scientists believed Syphilis ran its course differently in black and white men, although they had no statistical proof. These ideas were believed despite the fact that the same bacterium is responsible for each condition: Neurosyphilis and Cardiovascular Syphilis. Neurosyphilis attacks the brain, whilst Cardiovascular Syphilis attacks the heart. The theory behind the false accusation was simply gathered from racist beliefs that blacks were intellectually inferior to whites, and thus would not develop brain damage, or suffer from Neurosyphilis.

America is to blame for being the very reason Syphilis was such a common disease in the African American population. “The fact that he is at the bottom of the economic ladder contributed to his abnormally high [Syphilis] rate for among the third of our population which is ill fed, ill clothed, and ill housed, as a race, north and south, his house is the most miserable, his clothing the scantest, and his food ration the most poorly balanced.” (Uschan) These People Of Color were denied most of the basic privileges that their Caucasian counterparts were given at birth. They did not have rights, education, support, or medical options. These disadvantages stem from the prehistory of the U.S, one that has always consisted of racism and wrongdoing. Minorities were, and still are, treated as if they are nothing when it came to basic needs and things as simple as an education. The pure reasoning behind the scientists not telling the men they were apart of such a horrendous study, was simply because they thought they were too uneducated to understand.

The powerful prejudice underneath the very soil America lies upon has been around for thousands and thousands of years. Taking history back to the early days of colonization. “European settlers believed that whatever land they saw was theirs for the taking, disregarding the fact that native americans had been living on those lands for generations. Afraid of the natives, many settlers treated them violently and some native americans responded in kind… The massacre at Wounded Knee, South Dakota, left about 300 unarmed Cokato men, women, and children dead.” (Bussey) This country has a history of attacking, maiming, and stripping land away from people due to their skin color and foreigncy.

However, Racism is not bound by continent. Perhaps one of the most alarming and petrifying examples of widespread violence motivated by racism was the Holocaust. During World War II, Adolf Hitler led Nazi Germany in an attack on the Jewish population. Around six millions Jews were killed, along with around five million people targeted for their religion or ethnicity. The ideas fueling this event have spilled into the culture of America as well. With the marches in charlottesville, and the obvious discomfort of German American citizens, It’s safe to say racism has a universal reach and effects almost every race differently.

What can a targeted group do to change this? Overseas, methods may be different, but in America the group must work superhumanly hard to make even the slightest amount of progress. “When victimized groups seek to empower themselves through legal or public organization, they often face further targeting by those who hate them… A similar attitude was seen in response to slavery and in the slave owners response to uprisings in both cases, one group fights back against another's effort to assert itself.” Racism in the U.S Government and the higher operating systems of America has tainted the sense of justice; if it was ever there at all. Targeted groups are denied basic rights to fair trials almost as often as a child is born. The long, strenuous history of racial discrimination has always been deeply rooted in the legal court system as well. So how does a targeted group fight back? They must protest and find different ways to achieve a small sliver of respect, protection and security. That brings me to my next point.

History repeats itself, no matter how vile the event. A large part of this repetition is due to the inability to change mindsets. Toxic mindsets that result in personally mediated racism often spill into the legal and protective services. From mass incarceration to police brutality, power tends to enable harmful actions against minorities. “...Most African Americans see cops as a not so friendly force in our communities. (and that includes african american cops too.) The gap between white and black perceptions of cops is based on real hard evidence of being treated as second class citizens or worse.”(Balkin) It’s common knowledge that the american Police system in countless cities often targets People of Color. Personally mediated racism takes a violent turn and many cops attack the person being pursued. An example of this behavior is the Death Of Jonny Gammage. Jonny was a black motorist who was brutally beaten to death. “Five cops said Gammage had run three red lights. One ordered Gammage out of the car and said he reached for a weapon. It turned out to be a cellphone. The cops knocked it out of his hand, then proceeded to beat him with a flashlight, a collapsible baton, and a blackjack. Gammage who was unarmed, died handcuffed and ankle bound. Jan 15, 1996.” (Balkin) The injustice behavior of killing unarmed People of Color dates back to the early history of america. Racism runs in the veins of the legal system, as well as the wide variety of police departments. Another example is the shooting of Amadou Diallo. “Diallo’s crime? He came out of his apartment to see why the cops were barging into his building. To the four cops, he was simply a black male, and therefore a probable criminal; so shoot first to kill.” Or perhaps this instance of brutality Abner Louima faced. Louima is a Haitian who was assaulted, brutalized, and forcibly sodomized with a broken-off broom handle by officers of the New York City Police Department after he was arrested outside a Brooklyn nightclub in 1997. “Louima was brutalized for no other reason than he is a black man and an immigrant. The cops even joked about it as they terrorized him. How many other times did this happen but the victim died?”

Racism in the legal system knows no bounds. Often times People of Color are given longer sentences, harsher punishments, and sometimes even death for a crime that does not warrant it. The real issue here is that People of Color could commit a crime that has been committed by someone of fairer skin, and receive more backlash than the latter. “Racism is an essential weapon in the control process. Racist justice (the use of the death penalty and disproportionate sentencing for blacks for various drug violations) is to convince whites of all social status that blacks and other minorities are inclined to do crime.” (Balkin) The system places minorities in prison for petty crimes and violations, giving them felonies and virtually ruining their career. Sometimes the racially motivated injustice is also motivated by financial gain. Many law enforcement officials receive large sums of cash based on their actions. Police departments get a large portion of their revenue from ticketing, pushing police officers to ticket as many people as they can. Officers may target People of Color often, believing the motorists are most likely to be in poverty, and therefore are less likely to have automobile insurance and properly working parts on their vehicles. How does one advance in this system?

If the individual is not a Person Of Color, advancing in America is as easy as, well, pie. This phenomena is known as white privilege. “In the context of the United States, this system clearly operates to the advantages of whites, and to the disadvantages of people of color. Another related definition of racism, commonly used by antiracist educators and consultants is “prejudice plus power.” This is a common way of describing the situation, as racism cannot be completely explained as an act of prejudice by itself. It allows us to see that this spiteful behavior, much like other forms of oppression, is not only a personal ideology based on racial prejudice, but a system consisting of cultural messages and institutional practices, as well as the beliefs and actions of individuals. (Tatum) Almost every person who is against the ideology of “White Privilege” or the idea that People of Color can not be racist, often bring up instances in which a Person of Color said or did something based on prejudice. Examples include a Hispanic-American calling someone of European descent a “Cracker”. Although this is hateful prejudice behavior, by definition it is not racism, therefore that argument has no real purpose or value, other than the need to shift blame and excuse their behavior.

In his book “Portraits of white racism” David Wellman… Defines racism as “a system of advantages based on race.” In illustrating this definition, he provides example after example of how whites defend their racial advantage- access to better schools, housing, jobs- even when they do not embrace overly prejudicial thinking.” (Tatum) Most Americans do not want to think of the possibility that they benefit simply off of the color of their skin. They take offence and feel the need to state, “I’ve worked for everything i have!” This ideology is not to discredit the achievements of the privileged, but to point out that it has been drastically easier for them compared to their People of Color counterparts. They do benefit from the system, whether it is in the legal process, medical rights and regulations, or even everyday activities and interactions with other Americans. This makes them uncomfortable so they avoid the conversation and ideology of white privilege altogether, making it harder to communicate and change.

In everyday activities or things to better their life as a whole, People of Color are often discriminated against, big surprise. “Differential treatment discrimination occurs when equally qualified individuals are treated differently due to their race or ethnicity. In mortgage lending differential treatment might mean that minority applicants are more likely than whites to be discouraged from applying for a loan, to have their loan rejected, or to receive unfavorable loan terms.” (Balkin) Something as monumental as buying a house, shouldn't be harder to accomplish simply because of the color of your skin. This isn’t anything new. People of Color have been denied basic human rights since the dawn of time. This stems from their superiority complex as many believe that the continuing clash over race is rooted ultimately in the persistent reluctance of white americans to accept black americans as equal. (Sniderman) Racism is as obvious as the color of the sky, yet many pretend, or even believe, things are equal and fair.  White people like to pretend that is not the case, and like to sweep it under the rug. Talking about race makes them uncomfortable. That brings me to my next point.

Talking about race makes many white americans very uncomfortable because they do not like to think of the fact that their race could be capable of such things. More importantly they do not like to think of the fact that they still benefit from the horrid instances. Sometimes politics play a part in opinions on racism.“Viewed from the political left, racism remains all too common, and if it's not as overt or blatant as it once was, that is because whites are now more conscious that they should conceal their dislike of blacks. Viewed from the right the alarm over racism is greatly exaggerated and if prejudice has not entirely disappeared, it has lost its power to control whites reactions to blacks.” It’s clear that the right is wrong, like they always are, and that racism is still a very serious issue. To think it’s lost it has lost its power is bigoted. That is why we need organizations to represent the black community and point it out. A popular organization fighting for the Affirmation of black people is Black Lives Matter. This organization fights for equal rights and to stop the shootings of unarmed black men. They have organized marches and they have also blown up on social media platforms, such as Twitter, raising awareness of the racial Injustices black people face. They also are strong advocates for People of Color in general, including Latinos, Hispanics, and Asians. “We are not saying black lives are more important than other lives, or that other lives are not criminalize and oppressed in various ways... When you drop black from the equation of who lives matter and then fail to acknowledge it came from somewhere, you further a legacy of erasing black lives and black contributions... We are asking you... To stand with us in affirming black lives... Please do not change the confirmation by talking about how your life matters to. It does but we need less watered down unity and more active solidarities with us  black people, unwaveringly in defense of our Humanity. Our Collective features depend on it.” (Edwards) Most white americans are quick to defense when they hear the saying “Black lives matter” because they assume we are saying “we matter more than you do.” It is funny because the latter sounds like what white americans have been saying since the beginning of history. Many americans say “Why not change it to ‘Black lives matter too’”, watering down our stance. It is funny how even if we changed the name, they still would not support it. The problem is that the members of Black Lives Matter are affirming black anything, in a racist, white privileged country. The protests and meetings they organize, simply to fight for the same rights, are often ridiculed or targeted by police. Black americans never really have a voice in the U.S. and the organizations they form to gain one are targeted all the same.

A final issue is when certain causes are favoured and supported over others. Most likely due to the cause, or in this case due to the races involved. Black Lives Matter has been organizing marches, fighting for gun control, and urging the government to prevent their children from being killed, since the dawn of time. The March For Our Lives movement is marching for gun reform, due to the wide range of school shootings. These shootings have resulted in the death of teenagers, just like police brutality and racism in america have resulted in numerous deaths as well. The only difference is that the school shootings had predominantly white victims. Therefore america, Times Magazine, and almost everyone in the world is supporting their cause. The people marching with the March For Our Lives group were given pizza and Lyft rides and all this undying praise and recognition.

When black americans march against the same thing, endless gun violence against the youth, they are met with free rides to jail, rubber bullets, tear gas, riot shields, and swat members. They do not receive support or positive recognition. Selena Gomez once said “A hashtag won’t save your life” when addressing the Black Lives Matter movement, yet she stood firmly behind the March For Our Lives hashtag, plastering all over her social media. The obvious difference here is affirming black lives, fighting for black youth, in america.

In conclusion, most people hate to bring up race, so that is what i'm doing. I will continue to do so until something changes. Imperishable systematic and personally mediated racism in America, negatively affects People Of Color in the justice system, in medical history, and in everyday life; whilst giving those of european descent many advantages. Point blank, Black americans are treated like shit, Latino americans are treated like shit, Asian americans are treated like shit, literally anyone who is not a white american must suffer in america. Who the hell were all those declarations and constitutions for? Yes, that is rhetorical.

Works Cited

Balkin F., Karen, ed. Civil Rights. Farmington Hills: Greenhaven Press. 2004.

Bussey, Jennifer, ed. Hate Crimes. Farmington Hills: Greenhaven Press, 2007.

Behnke, Alison Marie. Racial Profiling: Everyday Inequality. Minneapolis: Twenty First Century Books, 2017.

Edwards, Sue Bradford, Harris, Duchess. Black Lives Matter. Minneapolis: Abdo publishing, 2016.

Friedmans, Lauri, ed. Racism. Farmington Hills: Greenhaven Press, 2007.

Sniderman, M. Paul, Carmines, G. Edward. Reaching Beyond Race. Massachusetts, London: Harvard University Press, 1997.

Tatum, Beverly Daniel, PH.D. “Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together In The Cafeteria?” New York: Basic Books, 1997.

Uschav, V. Michael. The Tuskegee Experiments (Forty Years Of Medical Racism). Farmington Hills: Lucent Books, 2006.

[shawnjacksonsbs]

The goal should be to unify, and my definition of an asshole is probably different.     8-18-19

"The goal is to be unified, Take my hand be my brother The payment silenced the masses, Sanctified by oppression Unity took a backseat, Sliding further into regression One, oh one, The only way is one One, oh one, The only way is one I feel angry I feel helpless, Want to change the world I feel violent I feel alone, Don't try and change my mind" I am on the cusp, as I have been for weeks now about coming back into some social media. I've come to realize that not everyone wants to step away from ignorance, therefore I might give another shot at trying to ignore as much of it as I can. Only sharing in the positives posts such as; pictures of family and quotes on love, kindness, and compassion. I will do my best to pass right by anything not up to my standards, as it were. The ones that are too ridiculous I will hide from my timeline, and the ones that truly get under my skin, well, I might just evaluate in my heart whoever it is that shared it, and decide whether or not to unfriend them so that their negativity doesn't get the chance to spill over into my line of sight again. I'm just going to take it one scroll at a time. I mean it is my account, and my life to do with what I want right? If you aren't full of hate, ignorance, and negativity you should be safe from blocking, all the rest of you, not so much. lol Now on with the show. I peaked in on a couple of posts on Facebook the other day and didn't have time to comment on it because I was fixing to start work, therefore I made a brief note to come back to it. Needless to say, I forgot to. Anyways, I know he reads my B.S. in here from time to time, so in regards to that "Spank your kids so they don't turn out to be assholes" post;   Most of you already know my take on it. I believe consistency (which is key number one) & it means being consistent in every which way that you interact with your kid. I learned this in a class during my first incarceration, because, obviously incarcerated fathers not so good for the emotional health of their children. It went on to say it is more important to be consistent, even if that being consistent meant staying out of their life altogether, because popping in and out was more detrimental, etc. Moral and ethical influencing through example and reasoning, practicing productivity and responsibility from a very early age are also very important, in the proper upbringing of kids who aren't assholes. Physical discipline does not determine whether or not your child turns out to be an asshole. Some assholeness is hereditary and no amount of "whoopin' that ass" is going to change that, period, stop, ever! At least you look cool putting hands a child though.   Believe what you want, but I'd be willing to bet you've seen far too many assholes who were spanked as children or plenty who weren't that turned out ok. The handful you know that are assholes that you don't think had enough spankings before their adulthood are probably the exception to the rule, and not a good guide or basis because statistics from the behavioral sciences probably disagree with you. Lol But like I said, believe what you want. Nothing better than average everyday people who are constantly smarter than our doctors and scientists. Consistency, in whatever lessons you teach our young people, and whether or not you're trying to teach it or if they're just picking it up, is the true key to having your kids grow up into healthy productive adults. I feel like morally bankrupt grownups come from some ethical deficiency from way early on in their life that they never dealt with, even if subconsciously, those issues lead us to where we all end up emotionally. Not to mention people tend to confuse morally and emotionally lacking people with those whose intention is more malicious than that, i.e. the asshole. The two are not mutually exclusive. You can be one, without being the other. Most, I imagine, are one and not the other. Kids who grow up broken, I don't believe, are the ones to grow up to be assholes. Moving on. . . Sometimes I think to myself, man I hate people, because so many of them are unkind assholes, but then I remember, that I don't, not really. They can just be super frustrating sometimes. Plus, I still believe that there are more good people than bad in this little world of ours. I also have to believe in my heart that most of the unkind people I know, still have it in them to be good and kind. I will never stop believing that. Its ingrained deep in the human genome, so that goodness, kindness, empathy, and compassion can one day prevail unquestionably. This week was pretty average I suppose. I mean, the dysfunctional, unorganized, and chaotic institution that is my place of employment is where I really go from hope for positive changes one day to wanting to help watch it burn on those other days, the days where I show up to job sites saying "What in the fuck?" and "Are you kidding me?". It feels like more and more, but I also can't wait to be a part of positive changes that I feel are coming and that I get to help be a part of. And of course, it's still fencing, kind of. lol I am getting more confident by the day, in my ability to practice what I preach anyways. A little better each day is just fine with me. I am, my only real competition, and also my only real obstacle. The world as I know it seems to be introducing more and more negativity everywhere I look, which makes me want to try harder and harder to be more positive all the time. Sometimes, just sometimes, the negatives can start to influence my heart and my mind, and I need to step back, out, and/or away. Not everyone is immune, so I too may need to readjust and refocus on the "whats" and "whys" of the importances in and of life, my life. Remember to share the love and the laughter with the world around you and please, please be kind to each other or, at the very least, be civil with one another. Even assholes can change, and then together, with the assholes, we can change the world, for the better. "WWFRD?" has been on my mind more and more as everything changes and the changes can be good. Until next week; "Discrimination now on both sides, Seeds of hate blossom further The world is heading for mutiny, When all we want is unity We may rise and fall, but in the end We meet our fate together One, oh one, The only way is one One, oh one, The only way is one I feel angry I feel helpless Want to change the world I feel violent I feel alone Don't try and change my mind" - One by Creed

[danieljbockman]

“Who Made Who, Who Made You?” 

`ACDC

The video game says "play me"

In this age of exponentially advancing technology that seems to be moving forward at breakneck speeds and leaving most people in the dust, you have to ask yourself, “Are you mastering technology or are you being mastered by it?” The movie Maximum Overdrive comes to mind when I say it but it seems to me that most people are being mastered by the technology of the world because, for one, they can’t fully understand it! And who would other than the extremely smart geeks that are the ones that have designed and developed it. But I’m not talking about understanding how code works or being versed in advance complex binary language, and electrical engineering, what I’m talking about is understanding the nature of technology.

Face it on a level but it takes you every time on a one on one

I think we’ve all seen that one person we know that has made a fool of themselves or did some embarrassing thing on social media just because they didn’t fully understand the nature of the medium or what it was capable of. But to go even further than just devices and social media, what about AI, artificial intelligence, and robotics? There has been a lot of attention as of late to the subject of AI and robotics coming from three main places, 1) the tech world 2) labor 3) government. All three of these groups have different perspectives on the subject of AI, but when you get down to it, those perspective are virtually the same. What it boils down to our jobs! When I was a kid, robotics and AI were a cool thing from a social aspect because it was going to be the future and create lots of jobs but, today’s attitude toward AI is, it’s considered an insidious disruptive technology because it’s starting to threaten the American work force for not only the low wage entry level employee, but some upper-level echelon type jobs are now on the AI chopping block.

Feeling running down your spine

As a businessman myself, I am always looking for ways to optimize my operation and work to a much more efficient level so I, over many other people, have an eye for the things that make life better for not only me but my customers. One day I was in the city close to where I live early in the morning and I saw a garbage truck picking up trash in a small neighborhood. The truck would drive up the street from house to house and with a hydraulic grappling arm, would grab the garbage can at the curb and with superlative precision, dump the trash into the truck’s hopper and then move on to the next house and the next… I couldn’t help but remember when I was a kid, it took 3 people to run a garbage truck, one to drive the truck and two hanging on the back jumping off and grabbing garbage cans and dumping them into the truck. Now, there is only one person driving the truck and a mechanical/hydraulic grapple does the pickup. Now think about this, mechanical/hydraulic technology is fairly rudimentary. It’s been around for decades so this is nothing new or what would be considered disruptive. But here it is, a low level of basic elementary technology replacing two, and I would assume good paying jobs, on a garbage truck. A simple redesign of an already existing mechanics and hydraulics technology that probably only took one mid-western raised farm kid mechanical engineering student a few days to devise, replaced 2/3’s of the garbage collection jobs in a cities sanitation department! That’s 2/3’s of the jobs per truck! Think about how many garbage trucks the average city could have!

Nothing gonna save your one last dime cause it owns you

The garbage truck example is showing you that this kind of disruption was not invented by a bunch of Silicon Valley tech billionaires, therefore this is probably the first time you have ever heard of this kind of example or even thought about it because it’s not high profile pop-culture news on the subject of AI. Now that AI is front and center of the jobs debate and more than just garbage collection jobs are being threatened, the low-level positions that are being replaced with AI are in the spotlight. Debates are being volleyed back and forth about the ethics of AI, the responsibilities of a safe AI and what the future for the low-level job is going to be. There are so many issues being generated by the acronym AI that it’s hard to keep up with them but no matter the issue, they are all sitting on the foundation of fear. Fear of job loss, fear of robot take over, fear of an economic crash, fear, fear, fear! There is very little coming out of these discussions or debate about how good AI and more automated tech will be for businesses. Mostly because AI, robots and the evil word, “automation” has created social sting to it. Back in the 90’s the word automation was associated with production and prosperity, today here in 2017, you might as well have kicked someone’s dog when you say automation!

Through and through

Something very interesting has evolved out of this discussion and some very interesting data has been mined by it but because the issue of automation has been so stigmatized by the social aspect, not many people know this or want to know some facts about automation. Have you heard the saying, necessity is the mother of all invention”? The Wall Street Journal Opinion did a piece on the subject of automation with a brief history of minimum wage disasters. In the piece, they have a paragraph that says,

Our analysis at the individual level draws many similar conclusions. We find that a significant number of individuals who were previously in automatable employment are unemployed in the period following a minimum wage increase.      

I think it’s important to point out the words “automatable employment” in this statement and that when people in automatable jobs rally for a wage increase, it’s generally followed up by automation of the positions resulting in job loss. No wonder this has become a social issue! Here’s another statement from the piece,

After a union harassment campaign against McDonald’s over its entry-level wages, the company accelerated the deployment of digital technology that allows customers to tap their orders on a screen instead of talking to a cashier. In the face of city and state mandates to raise wages, the chain has continued to automate more functions in its restaurants, and investors have been cheering. McDonald’s shares have risen more than 30% just this year.      

The databank knows my number

So what is this telling us? Even though wages and jobs are a social issue, money is not! Money doesn’t care whether you deserve a raise or fair pay or a living wage. Take the social side out of the issue and look at the business side of automation and you will see what is actually rallying - are the company stocks! Stock respond enthusiastically with the thoughts of automation. What this is telling us is that money and business itself is like a robot with no feelings or sympathy. It may be artificial intelligence but it's not emotional intelligence! These two forces have always been pulling at each other and will continue to pull even harder long into the future. The employee and the company owner will be at odds over the social aspect of the work force for many, many more years to come. It will be like the world is pressing down way too hard on an already unstable fault line and then you add the element of job loss as a result of automation and the powder keg continues to fill.

Says I gotta pay 'cause I made the grade last year

Even though it hurts to hear, automation is good for business. I had a friend who works for the rail road express his concern for the loss of his job because the rail road employees had heard about a company that just fully automated a semi-truck and tested it with a flawless result. The company Otto installed an automated self-driving truck add-on to a truck in Colorado last year. During the test, they hauled a full load of beer from Fort Collins CO to Colorado Springs without incident under fully automated self-driving. Even though there are plenty of issues and concerns about self-driving vehicles and we are still long ways from seeing it on our public roadways due to safety concerns, the important part of this whole test was the technology to fully automate a semi-tractor trailer only cost about $30,000! That may seem like a lot of money to the average working class citizen but its chump change to a company owner and - the most significant part is - it will only get cheaper!

Feel it when I turn the screw

Listen to this closely! Another friend of mine with a background in electrical engineering and mechanical engineering once told me in a mastermind group session that all the technology needed to fully automate our entire rail road system (freight and passenger) has existed for the last 20 years! To make that fact even more significant, (or worse depending on your view) the technology for that kind of automation can be easily bought by anyone in something as simple as a child’s RC parts catalog for only the price of a few dollars! Ouch!!!  

Kicks you round the world, there ain't a thing that it can't do

With all the uproar and debates around AI, robotics, and automation, how do you protect yourself from being a job loss statistic in the future of high tech? I have two suggestions for you.

1. Start your own business. Eliminate yourself from the automatable employment arena. I know what you’re about to say, “Dan, what if I choose a business that it too becomes automated?” I say, jump in with both feet and become the automation company for that industry. Remember, automation is good for business! I once took an online test to see if my job was subjected to potential automation. There is no subject on the test for “company owner, entrepreneur or self-employed.” Take the test here to see where you fit.

2. Reinvent yourself. For those that prefer to not start a business, it would be in your best interest to reinvent yourself for the future of the automated work force. This is probably going to be the hardest part for a lot of people and, without a doubt, is the core reason automation has become a social issue! Here’s what’s happening and if you doubt I’m right on this, you need to open your eyes! It's human nature to take the path of least resistance, we are lazy by nature mostly because we were given advance cognitive thinking and reasoning skills from having the most advanced brains in the known universe. Basically, we can think our way to survival vs having to rely on instincts like lower life forms such as animals. So we are lazy! Modern technology (ironically) makes us even lazier so we continue down this path of not having to change much in our lives to live a fairly good life or to just get by. But now livelihoods are being threatened as a result of exponential tech advancements. These easy paths of making a living are becoming more and more scarcely available because let’s face it, low-level jobs don’t take much thinking to perform effectively and satisfactory and, they are reasonably easy and cheap to automate. You just go to work, keep your nose clean and go through the motions of the job and you get paid. Whether it’s a living wage or not, is not the issue. You are still getting paid money and you are managing to live on it. The hard part of this is, now that easy is going by-way of the robots, we humans have to start using our brains to figure out how to make a living. Using your brains is work, humans don’t like work, so now it sucks and the tension begins to get tighter on the fault line of employer and employee.

Do to you

If for nothing else, try this. Think about what you could do to reinvent yourself and see what you can find. I think you will be very pleased with getting to know yourself a little better and that you defiantly have what it takes to change something about yourself to survive and prosper. Go out and get the book by James Altucher Reinvent Yourself. It’s a great book by a bestselling author and you will get a lot out of it.

Who made who?

It’s time to do the work, easy is now out and you are going to have to use your brain! But you can do this and keep in mind that, “The easy path leads to a hard life but the hard path leads to the easy life!” Be sure you’re the one turning the screw!

Daniel J Bockman                

[katiaelizabethanderson-blog]

Lecture 1: The Photograph as a Document

Notes from today (27/09/2017) Lecture by Neil Matheson

WHAT IS A PHOTOGRAPH? MY OWN SUMMARY

A photograph is a representation of reality - to an extent. Whatever the reality, it is still being recorded as it is seen, staged or not, unless you edit the image in post production. However there are things we cannot re create with the use of a camera. We cannot replicate the sound, or the 3d aspect of objects. But, even if you use a prop, a stage, set up people or actors to pose a certain way, you are still recording information, how those people look and what the location is like. Even if the photograph is subjective (photographers goal or point of view or metaphor within the image being conveyed to the audience) the evidence of what is there in front of the camera is real.

HISTORY OF PHOTOGRAPHY

A photograph is a documentation of reality and most commonly used as a way of scientific documentation. Photographers like Anna Atkins (in 1843 created a series titled ‘British Algae’) would take physical plants, specimens, and place them onto a paper creating a realistic and accurate representation of whatever flower or plant it was. Scientists used photography as a method of documentation, from a very early stage. The process used was called Cyanotype, and old process. Another example would be ‘Dog Grave’ by Thomas Mailander. 

Using the Cyanotype to create art is very interesting to me, I love the impressions made onto the paper as well as the colours of blue and the ‘scientific’ element to them. 

The photograph was first invented as a dark room, which within stood an artist. one of the walls would have a small hole in the middle, and the idea was that whatever was outside would be projected through the dark room and onto the wall on the other side; a moving, live image of what was going on outside around them. Then the artist in the middle of the dark box would trace the outline of the projection. 

Then this idea was simplified, from a room to a box. This time the image appears onto a mirror, and again is traced by an artist. So, the next step was to actually ‘capture’ and freeze the image still. 

In 1844 the Daguerrotype was invented, the first image being of the photographer and creator himself, a self portrait in the form of a positive film. This began the idea of the image creating itself in a way, the machine creating the image ‘without human intervention’. 

Soon after Daguerre came out with his technique, so did Henry F Talbot in the same year 1844. “The open door”. His process created a much softer image, using wax paper and producing a negative film. The process produced less detailed or precise images. One of his photos is titled “Articles of China”. Henry’s view on the process was that it was “The Pencil of Nature”. An idea of nature reproducing itself, again automatically without man’s intervention. 

His image, articles of china, shows the practical uses of the photograph early in it’s making. Taking a photograph of his plates or china, shows what possessions he had, and this would be photographic evidence of that, and if they were stolen he would use the photograph as proof - and considering that photography was still being seen as a mechanical operation or scientific form of documentation, it would be socially accepted by a court of law as proof (if submitted). 

TYPES OF IMAGES 

Semiotics - the study of signs. “Marks with meaning”, a visual language of photography. 

Icon - looks like what it represents, e.g. a photo of jesus christ would represent the catholic church

Index - an image which has a direct connection with something, e.g. pictures of smoke - as the saying goes “no smoke without fire” so we know fire is related, and is the direct connection to the picture of smoke. Or close up of a finger print, you know it’s a finger, on a hand, on a human etc. 

Symbol - An image containing a purely conventional relationship. 

PHOTOGRAPHERS

Richard Avedon

He had a subjective view on his photographs, by telling his own truths. He believed that every decision you make affects the reality of a photograph. E.g. lighting makes you think their nose is smaller. Richard would photograph people behind a makeshift white roll background, taking his subject out of their natural habitat in a way and creating slightly surreal portraits with white backgrounds.

SCIENTIFFIC TO ART

So now we see photography go from scientific (objective) to more of a controlled approach, subjective. 

One realist perspective on a photograph would be that photographs share the reality of what they represent, which I think is an accurate statement, because photographs are almost like a mirror image, even if you have altered reality by lighting choices, sets, or props then you still take a photograph of what’s in front of you, what you created or simply un-staged reality. But both are real, and the camera will only ever imitate that which is in front of it. 

THE LOCH NESS MONSTER -

HOW TRUTHFUL IS A PHOTO?

We accept photos that have a story, that have social acceptance. Since a photograph can be used in a court of law, sometimes it’s hard to dispute that a image is evidence. The lack of focus in the famous image of the loch ness monster makes the image seem more plausible as if it was set up it would be in focus and there would be more detail. The man who took the image was a surgeon, making the person sound intellectual and therefore trustworthy, and this man never changed the story to his grave - he swore it was real. So the story and the way the image was taken, the amateur style, the graininess of the photograph, makes it all seem a bit more realistic. However of course people still question this. 

PHOTOGRAPHER

JOHN FONTCUBERTA - FAUNA SERIES

Using taxidermy creates fantasy images of ‘monsters’ in realistic settings. Making it hard to define a photograph as a documentation of reality. Because they are obviously not real, however they are real in the sense that someone has made them and they are there at the moment the photo was taken. He took these images and added text an diagrams, looking scientific to prove the existence of these ‘mythical’ beings. 

SEMOTICS 

the way we read an image affects the way we think about it. If we see an image with the scientific elements, we consider it to be more realistic for example. When an image is accepted socially, as an accurate image, e.g. a image of prisoners, then used and justified by courts and other institutions, it becomes socially expected and makes the photograph seem more powerful, more accurate, if people (seemingly important) back them up by using them. 

PHOTOGRAPHY USED BY CAMPAIGNS

1874-83 the “Personal History of a Child at Barnado’s Home” campaign was a series of ‘before’ and ‘after’ images which reflected a poverty stricken child, which was “helped” by the charity, and then transformed into a useful member of society. The company which funded this campaign was later fined for bending the truth - using models instead of real people who had benefited from the charity’s expenses. This was the beginning of documentary photography.

DOCUMENTARY PHOTOGRAPHY

As the photographic process was still a slow one, with a big bulky camera and expensive big prints, the slow camera process meant that sometimes things would have to be staged in order to be able to capture them. This meant the spontaneous type of documentary photography we are use to now was not very possible in this time. 

John Thompson photographed “Survivors of the street floods in Lambeth” in the 1870′s. Documenting the people affected by floods in a staged photograph, he was still able to capture the reality of the people, what they looked like, what clothes they wore, what the location looked like. 

Jacob Riis - “Home of an Italian Rag Picker”

Documenting poverty and migration Jacob Riis photographed people who were trying to make it in America. This series was aimed at a middle class audience to inform people of the undercover side of America, what it was really like for people who didn’t live the middle class life, to convince them to donate and help these people. 

He used the invention of the flash, a dangerous process involving magnesium to almost entertain the middle-class, somewhat insulting the poverty stricken people, by using them to entertain the rich ones. He later wrote a book called “The other half” which shows how he did not see himself to be on the side of those people, although coming from a migrant background himself. 

Lewis Hine - “Slav Immigrant” 1905 Ellis Island

Unlike Jacob, Hine was not a article writer, and did not come from that background. He was an artist, he documented the poverty in a more dignified way, showing empathy in his photographs of the poor - he was on the side of the people and did not consider himself different, unlike Jacob Riis. He would sneak into factories, using different identities to get in with his camera he would sneakily take photographs of the child workers employed there, to later use in a campaign to inform the middle class (aired with statistics) that this is what these companies were doing to children. It was necessary to use a different identity and hide his gear in order to obtain this documentation of the life of a child worker, life inside a factory. Using statistic and fats as well as the images combined to make them socially excepted as ‘facts’. 

Hine became a photographer of high integrity because of this, unlike Jacob. 

“Lewis W Hine, Coalbreakers” image

DOROTHEA LANGE, Street demonstration 

an image with a figure of a police officer, standing tall amung the protestors. The image contains a strong visual metaphor of the authority vs the community. 

Documentary photography at this point was ofter a set brief given by an employer, with a subjective view, like the FSA, it’s director had a very strict and nostalgic view of ‘America’. 

Another example of a photograph with a subjective view implanted:

Graveyard, Houses, and Steel Mill. 1935 Walker Evans

BIRTH, WORK, DEATH. 

Walker Evans - an artist who did not want his photographs used as propaganda. He left soon after joining the FSA project, although some of his best work came from his short time there. 

DISCUSSION Q N A 

HOW TO EVALUATE AN IMAGE& IT’S SUCESS? 

POLITICAL AND SOCIAL IMPACT?

BEST WAY TO PRESENT? magazine, newspaper, book, gallery, exhibition etc

HOW SUCCESSFUL ARE THE PROJECTS? WHY?

Bruce Davidson - Magnium Photos photographer, captured “Brooklyn Gang” in 1959. He had a subjective view, gaining access to one gang in particular, “The Jokers” and got to know them, so he could eventually hop into the back of cars with them and just hang out with them really. He ended up romanticizing the ‘gang’ culture, making them seem just like normal kids, doing normal youth things. He didn’t portray them as a threat to society, like the middle class would describe them ‘gangs’, instead he portrayed them as positive members of society, a community of their own choosing. 

East 100th Street Project, 1966

images are composed well, of mostly children and other people who are poor in new york during a hot summer. The images are interior and exterior, sometimes focusing on squares and boxes (like the ones we put ourselves in) and he seemed to like walls as he would use them in his photos to show a metaphor of a very big authority, vs the tiny people. Or their big problems, vs. those unfortunate people who feel small or helpless. His photographs were empathetic also towards these people. Although they are composed well they still seem uncomfortable in a way. 

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7 Facebook Ad Metrics You Should Be Tracking

Today’s topic is a basic one, but it’s the most important lesson ever on Facebook ads…

…if you want to run profitable ads for a long period of time to promote your network marketing business, that is!

Here’s the deal…

The way you need to run Facebook ads in 2016 and beyond is with science, not emotion.

The emotional approach is to throw money at Facebook and hope your ads will convert.

When you put it that way, it sounds pretty weak, wouldn’t you agree?

The scientific approach is to gather data, review and analyze it, and make decisions on your campaigns based on what that data is telling you.

Doesn’t that sound stronger?

More profitable?

Good.

Because it is.

That’s how I do all my traffic, and so does EMP…

…which is how we’re able to be consistently profitable and scalable.

It’s Not a Lottery!

I’ll share a little bit of history about how I started out with Facebook ads.

In early 2013, I started running ads for various affiliate offers.

I’d spend ten or twenty bucks on an ad, sometimes not even capturing the leads to my own list…

And I’d get bummed out and frustrated when I wouldn’t make sale.

I developed a negative mindset with regard to paid traffic for a while because, “it didn’t work.”

The truth was that I wasn’t looking at any of my metrics whatsoever.

All I cared about was that I had put 20 bucks in and I wanted 50 bucks out.

That’s a lottery mindset, not a business strategy.

When you’re hoping and praying that your ads will work instead of setting yourself up for success…

It’s just like putting money into a slot machine and crossing your fingers.

You’re not doing any real work on your ads or learning from your results.

You’re just hoping that money is going to come out in the form of product sales.

That’s lame.

So don’t be lame like “Old Matt.” ;)

Be like “New and Improved Matt,” who learned how to run Facebook ads the smart way—

And makes money from them!

Track Your Data

Well, fortunately for me, I learned the better way to run traffic: the scientific way.

I started studying some of the traffic leaders like Justin Brooke, Curt Maly, and Vince Reed, I learned how they tracked their data, and I learned how they made decisions on campaigns based on the results that they got:

They “bought data” first by looking at the early ad results and then made decisions:

“Is this something I want to continue?” “Should I make changes here?” “Should I just completely kill this program?”

The decisions were all made based on complete data they had gotten from running the ads.

From there, I saw how they were able to turn unprofitable campaigns into very profitable campaigns.

They were getting to 4x, 5x, and 10x ROI on what they had spent…

…because they had to put in a little bit of work to get there.

I realized that I had been had been approaching paid traffic with the lottery mindset.

I needed to take the scientific approach instead, and it meant doing things like:

Tracking all my metrics Making improvements Spending enough money to get adequate data Writing down my results

I became really good at spreadsheets, which I used to track my ads.

Ahh, Statistics!

Funny story….

I actually have an MBA.

For that program, I took, hated, and almost failed a statistics class.

I remember thinking at that time, “I’m never going to use this stuff in real life.”

Well, here I am six years later, using statistics and data analysis.

Little did I know that I could use those skills to make money!

I use statistics to spot trends in ads and leads and increases in our cost per click.

I use it to see what we’re doing right so we can do more of it with lower cost metrics.

It leads to new pockets of income that I completely find by just tracking everything and writing it down.

That’s one pro tip:

Get good at Excel spreadsheets.

It’s really not that hard, and it’s actually kind of fun to track your numbers and find these little patterns that will help get you to profitability.

The takeaway is that I never would have gotten to where I am now if I hadn’t gotten more pragmatic about my approach to traffic. I could probably teach a college course on paid traffic, but today you’re getting the basics of what to track—and keep track of—in spreadsheets, or at least to your own little traffic diary.

Let’s start by thinking through the process of what you’re trying to accomplish and reverse engineering it…

Begin at the End

What do you want?

Well, your ultimate goal is…

Sales.

To make money.

Right?

Specifically, to make more money in sales than you spent into ad costs to promote your network marketing business.

Sales come from leads.

Leads are people that we can contact about our business or people that will read our sales message and get into our sales funnel.

Leads come from clicks.

…meaning clicks on the ad in the News Feed to see the full content.

Clicks come from impressions.

….which is the number of people who see the ad.

So in normal order, the process is for people to see your ad, click on it, become a lead by getting into your sales funnel, and then buy.

You want to track those key parts of that process.

Starting at the end of the process, you’re tracking the cost per sale.

That’s how much money you spent on ads (the beginning of the process) versus how many sales you got (the end of the process).

How much did it cost you to get from “Point A” to “Point B?”

If you spent $100 in advertising and you got two sales, your cost is $50 per sale.

Make sense?

The step prior to that is to track the cost per lead.

This is important because the more leads you get, the higher chance you have of making a sale, and the more sales you will eventually end up with.

The basic idea is that the cheaper you can get those leads, the less you can spend on advertising to make a sale, and the more profitable you will get.

Calculate the cost per lead by taking the total amount you spent on that particular ad and dividing it by the number of leads you’ve got.

If you spent $100 on ads and you got 25 leads, that would be a cost of $4 per lead.

Moving to the previous step, how do you get a lead?

Someone sees your ad and they opt in by clicking to your page.

The most basic number to track is your cost per click.

As you can see…

…the cheaper you can make the clicks, …the cheaper you’ll make the leads, …and the cheaper you’ll make the sales. Moving Forward

Now that you understand how the metrics relate to your end goal, let’s look at the process chronologically.

In order to get more sales, you want to increase number of leads.

In order to get more leads, you want to get more eyeballs on your ad.

Therefore, as a new marketer, focus on clicks to promote your network marketing business.

You want to get more clicks and improve the cost per click

I do that every single day we are running traffic.

I don’t look at the cost per click from one day to the next day to the next day.

I look for patterns.

Am I starting out with a 20 cent cost per click today?

Is it trending up or is it trending down over the last week?

Depending on what I notice, if I see it’s trending up, I take a look at the ads that I’m running.

Other metrics will show me that maybe this ad is getting tired, so the Frequency Rate is going up.

If I see the cost per click going down, I consider scaling the ad and doubling the budget on it.

Cost per click is the starting place to see what’s happening with the ad, and from there, I can really dig in deeper and find out what’s going on.

That’s why tracking that cost per click is the most basic metric I use to make decisions about my campaigns.

Also called CTR for short, click through rate is the number of views or impressions your ad gets versus the percentage of people that actually stopped, look at your ad, and clicked through to your page.

Facebook is a business, and they don’t want to waste ad space because every single ad that somebody skips past and doesn’t click on is money lost to Facebook.

If a higher percentage of people click on your ads (you have a higher CTR) than your competitors, Facebook rewards you with a lower cost per click.

If a lower percentage of people click on your ads than your competitors, you will get charged more per click.

While I don’t necessary track CTR on the spreadsheet, it’s something I always look at as far as my ad goes.

If I your CTR is below 1%, there’s a real problem with that ad.

You’ve hit a home run if you get anything above 2%.

I’ve seen some of our students getting like 5-6%, so you can tell those ads are really dialed in.

Usually when I see a low CTR, it’s accompanied by a much higher cost per click because Facebook is saying…

“This ad sucks. People aren’t clicking on it and we’ve got to make up for it somehow. We’re going to charge you more for every click you do get.”

How do you improve your CTR?

Use better copy that reaches out towards your market, appealing images, and a relevant offer.

Let me give you just a quick example by some of the students I see in the Elite Marketing Pro “Fast Track” group.

Many are getting 5 and 6% CTRs.

They are advertising pictures of their family and using personal stories on their ads.

It really blends into the news feed and it’s getting people’s attention.

It’s getting curiosity, it’s very unique, and it’s very relevant to the people that they’re actually advertising to.

By being unique, relevant, and having a great image and very personalized copy that reaches out towards their markets, some marketers are able to achieve those high CTRs.

I pay some attention to the relevancy score, but I also take it with a grain of salt because I don’t always think it’s reliable.

The relevancy score is basically a number from one to ten that Facebook assigns you on your ad, similar to a letter grade in school.

It’s also based on CTRs.

It’s based on the response from the audience.

If somebody sees your ad, and they click, “I don’t like this. I think it’s spam,” it’s going to lower your relevancy score.

It’s usually the last thing I look at when deciding if an ad is working, because sometimes it’s reliable, and sometimes it’s ridiculous.

I’ve seen very profitable ads with great metrics and a low relevancy score.

I’ve also seen the complete opposite—an eight or nine out of ten for a relevancy score, but the ad metrics are just horrible.

Like I said, I take it with a grain of salt, but I do pay attention to it.

It’s just not the overall deciding factor on whether I keep an ad, scale it, kill it, or change it.

To Recap…

The metrics I suggest you track at the very minimum, are:

Cost per click, Cost per lead, and Cost per sale

You should all be putting those into a simple Excel spreadsheet and looking at those every single day and looking for various trends that you can spot on your advertising.

You also want to make sure your click-through rate making is at least 1% when you promote your network marketing business.

Higher is much better because, at the end of the day, because it’s going to help you with your low cost per click and then, at the end of the day, the relevant score as well.

Also, let’s talk video.

Facebook videos are a bit different than regular ads because they are for branding purposes, so I don’t really look at the cost per click on those.

A similar metric you want to track is the cost per view.

Obviously, you want to make sure you get as low cost per view on your videos as possible.

When To Review Ads…

People often ask…

“How do I know when to look at my ads? And how do I know if they’re working or not?”

Answer: after you have at least 3,000 impressions.

At that point, Facebook’s algorithm is kind of settled in and you can look at your stats and know that they will be reliable.

The numbers don’t matter until you have enough impressions.

Super Cheap Ads?

There’s another common mistake that people make.

If you are getting super cheap ad clicks, like 3 cents, or 7 cents, that’s great if you’re doing it correctly.

But…

Most of the time what’s happening when the clicks are that cheap is that there are no opt-ins because the audience network is on or you’re unintentionally advertising on Instagram.

Make sure that in the placement section when you’re creating your ad that you turn off audience network and turn off Instagram.

The only place you should be advertising on is mobile and desktop in the News Feed.

Even turn off the right sidebar, for now, until you know what you’re doing.

Your Next Steps…

Now, may I make a suggestion?

Because here’s the honest truth…

It can take a fair bit of costly trail and error to optimize all these metrics and create a winning campaign.

However, I do know a proven shortcut…

Which has helped dozens of marketers get in the black (often within just a few days).

And that’s taking an over-the-shoulder tour of…

Our most profitable offers, audiences, ads, and landing pages

Yep, here at Elite Marketing Pro, we’ve put together a point-for-point tutorial revealing our exact advertising process in a 100% FREE traffic workshop…

Which is hosted by none other than Tim Erway, our fearless leader and CEO.

Simply pick a time and register right here.

You’ll discover how you can put together a profitable ad campaign in just 10 minutes a day with as little as $10 in initial ad spend.

In fact…

We’ve used the exact formula to turn a $10 test campaign into $141,246.30 in sales.

Those are 100% real numbers, and Tim will show exactly how we did it.

So if you haven’t registered yet, what are you waiting for?

Pick a time that works for you to attend Tim’s traffic workshop right here.

  Until next time,

Matt Baran Traffic Specialist Elite Marketing Pro

The post 7 Facebook Ad Metrics You Should Be Tracking appeared first on Elite Marketing Pro.

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[amzbailey]

very important personal post (for Pride Month)

I’ve been working on this for several days and I think I’ve finally said enough about it, so let’s just get right into it!

In honor of pride month, and because this is my Tumblr and probably the one social media outlet that I feel is my personal safe space, I feel that now’s as good a time as any to officially put this out there.

I identify as bisexual. I am attracted to both men and women. I won’t go as far as to say pansexual at this point (mostly because I haven’t really had a proper education on what the main differences are between the two terms, and the definition of bisexual really seems to cover all my bases). But over the past two years, I’ve become more comfortable with embracing my bisexuality as part of my personal identity.

Although this is the first time I’ve “come out” and said it in a not-so-private setting, I’ve been more open about it recently to close friends, and I even went as far as to briefly mention it to my mom. But there are a number of reasons why I’m not “out” to most people. The first and most obvious reason is that I think it might devastate my dad and upset other conservative/Christian family members and friends, and I really am not ready to deal with that type of reaction. However, the second and probably more paralyzing reason for not coming out publicly is my fear that this will be the response: “Wow Amy, that sounds like you’re just trying to include yourself in this ostracized group for no reason—obviously you’re not actually bi because you’ve never even been with a girl and wouldn’t know what it’s like. And even if you were, it wouldn’t matter because you’re married to a straight guy, so why even mention it?”. Which, to be honest, sounds about right in a number of ways. It doesn’t really make that much of a difference in my life because I am happily married to a man. In fact, it is also true that I’ve never dated or been in a relationship with a woman, so how the hell did I come to this conclusion, and why does it even matter?

Well, honestly, I’ve been aware of my attraction to both men and women since I was a young teenager. In fact, I know exactly who my first celebrity gay crush was—Hilary Duff. I would literally stare at her pictures in the liner notes from The Lizzie McGuire Movie album and Metamorphosis album for hours and didn’t know why. It was pretty damn gay, honestly.

However, in case you weren’t aware, I was raised in a very conservative Christian home in a deeply Protestant, traditional suburb community with mostly homophobic friends and family members. Anything I may have felt that would accurately be defined as “attraction” to girls was always reduced to something--anything--else. I just “really liked her as a person” or “envied her beauty”, or “admired her from afar”.

It wasn’t until I was about 15 or 16 when my group of friends learned the hilarious no-homo term “hetero-man crush” from our favorite YouTube channel Barats and Bereta (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiXhQUym0fA in case you’re curious), and started “joking” about our own hetero-woman crushes (needless to say I had a lot on my list) that I really started to even consider the idea that I could possibly be attracted to women. Because there was no question that I was attracted to men. I don’t even know how many guys I had “dated” or had some time of romantic/physical relationship by the time I started dating Jackson (probably 9 or 10), but everyone who knew me at 16 knew that I really liked boys. Although, in retrospect, I’m not even sure that was it--I think I really just liked making out--but we’ll never know now, and there’s no real point in thinking about it.

Anyway, moving on...

In order to really convey how I came to this very personal conclusion about my sexuality despite my hetero-normative monogamy, I have to take you back a few years for a little more context… And maybe even dig into some other personal aspects of my life like my spirituality and religion! Whee!!

I think it’s important to briefly note that the first time in my life that I ever even interacted with a gay person was in middle school. I had dated this boy named Justin for a few months in 6th grade (we went to the Valentine’s Day dance together), then we broke up, then we got back together in 7th grade (maybe? honestly, I don’t remember), but eventually broke up for good. I do remember in 8th grade, after my parents had already pulled me out of public school to homeschool me (another story for another day), my friend Sarah told me that Justin was now gay. My initial reaction was complete devastation and outrage because the way Sarah had phrased it basically implied that dating me had been so terrible that Justin didn’t want to date girls anymore. I had “turned him gay”. Not only was this a blow to my already fragile middle school self-esteem (because in my naive 13-year-old mind, I must have been so manly looking and ugly that he lost all attraction to women altogether), but also in an equally naive and warped way, it was my chance to save someone’s soul, and it would be a sin for me not to do/say something. Again, please keep in mind that this was my first encounter with homosexuality, and my parents had always taught me in was a disgusting sin, so my response to this news was to send Justin an email (yes, this was pre-Myspace and even pre-Xanga days, my friends) telling him that I would be praying for him to repent and change his ways so he wouldn’t go to hell for being gay.

Yikes. Trust me, I shudder every time I tell this story because of its absurd cringe-worthiness. But it’s also kind of funny, especially considering who I am today and who my friends are. Even so, despite later attempts at communication with Justin many years later to apologize for my 13-year-old hysteria, we never spoke or saw each other again.

Anyway… I include that story to demonstrate just how extensive my ignorance was and how sheltered I had been. I didn’t even associate with or really know anyone who was knowingly gay until college. That’s how isolated I was from the LGBT+ community, and that’s why I never even considered the possibility that I could possibly not be straight. It just wasn’t a thing.

I was 16 years old when I met the man that I would marry. I was 17 years old when we started dating.

Jackson and I officially met in the summer of 2007 and started crushing pretty hard on each other. The first time we bonded was a church youth trip to Six Flags, where my “friends” at the time had essentially deserted me, so I made a rather brave move as an introvert to hang out with some new social group—three boys named David, Jackson, and Zach that I didn’t know very well—in hopes to flirt with at least one of them and maybe even get a boyfriend out of the deal. By the end of the day, somehow Jackson and I ended up riding rollercoasters alone, talking about nerdy-ass roleplay forums, video games, and cartoons. I thought he was adorable, charming and funny, and he thought “wow this hot girl thinks I’m funny”. I thought we were a perfect match, but unfortunately, it wasn’t 100% reciprocated because he was apparently interested in someone else. To this day we’re a little foggy on the time line, but he officially started dating someone else (Kim) a few days/weeks later, so when I found out, I begrudgingly backed off. We remained (awkward) friends throughout the summer, I dated a few guys throughout fall and winter, and almost a year later, we finally “became a couple” in May 2008.

From the moment we “made it official” via text, Jackson and I stayed together. We weren’t on and off, and we never took a break. We continued our relationship through the end of high school and through college. We went on vacations with each other’s families, we lived in the same dorm buildings for 2 years, and ultimately stayed together through it all. He proposed to me in December 2013 and we were married in November 2014. We are—quite miraculously—still together and still very happy.

I say “quite miraculously” because statistically and by all other odds, we shouldn’t still be together. For starters, we’re by definition “high school sweethearts”, which already is doomed by statistics. It’s very rare for couples to last through high school and college. But what’s even more astonishing is that our relationship was completely embedded and grounded in Christianity. We met at church. His parents were in my dad’s Sunday school class. Most of our “first dates” were at youth group functions and on church trips. On May 11, 2008, Jackson said he really wanted to be more than friends, but he was worried that it wasn’t God’s will, so we promised each other that we’d pray for God to reveal whether or not we should take the next step. And we both agreed 2 nights later that “well, He didn’t say no!” and therefore, it must have been God-approved!

Throughout high school and college, our faith held strong. We remained deeply involved in church. We attended and hosted Bible studies, we led small groups, we volunteered to teach high schoolers in our youth group and stayed with them for 4 years... We almost gave up everything in 2013 to start a church with our religious mentor at the time. Through it all, Jackson and I were united in our faith and religiosity. It was all we ever knew and all we ever wanted.

After we got married in 2014... Things started to shift. Almost the first thing to go was church. It wasn’t because of our marriage that we stopped attending church regularly—it was mainly because of our newfound freedom. We no longer had to go. Our small group kids had graduated. Our Sunday school class fell apart. Worship was dull and generic. The sermons were irrelevant and repetitive. Also, there was a lot of shit going down at our home church. Corruption. Hypocrisy. Church politics that were far beyond what we were accustomed to seeing. There were lots of reasons why we stopped going, but at the end of the day, it’s because we didn’t have to anymore, so we realized we no longer wanted to and simply chose to stop going. But that didn’t mean we weren’t still Christians. Church attendance does not equal faithfulness... right?

Simultaneously, there were a number of deeper things going on, both on the surface and beneath. During one of my last semesters in college (spring 2013), I took two classes that challenged my faith more than I ever could have imagined: Psychology and Religion, and Jesus In and Outside the Gospels. If I’m honest, those put the initial seeds of religious doubt in my mind long before we stopped going to church. These professors never went out of their way to give reasons for students to denounce their faiths... But the knowledge I gained and the data I was presented with definitely left their mark. Psychology and Religion focused on the psychological and emotional effects that religion has on individuals. Jesus In and Outside the Gospel introduced me to the confusing process of Christian canonization and the even more confounding non-canonical gospels and records of Jesus.

At the same time these major doubts were marinating in my mind (for example, “was my religious conversion nothing more than a result of the manipulated environment that pastors are specifically instructed to create in order to gain converts due to its psychological effectiveness?”), my best friend came out as gay. Now, I had already vocalized my criticism about the supposed Christian approach to homosexuality, and had personally concluded that Christians were absolutely wrong to condemn and exclude that entire community. However, having a gay best friend and dealing with that theological dilemma was a completely new area for me. I had a few gay friends and acquaintances at this point (for example, during my sophomore year of college, I decided that my pansexual roommate would be a perfect person to witness to and hopefully baptize one day!), but this was different. It struck far closer to home.

It was about this time that I made the decision to never again attend a church that preached that homosexuality was a sin—which basically said that I was done with church. It became a major riff between me and my family—a frequent topic of discussion and debate that still remains today. Despite how open-minded my mother has become in recent years, we just discussed the other day that she still believes that homosexuality at its core is a sin and should never be “celebrated”. It honestly makes me sick to my stomach, but… anyway, that’s a topic for another day.

It was around this time of confusion and questioning that Jackson and I moved an hour away from our hometown so he could be closer to his job. This physical distance now combined with the spiritual and emotional distance from our Christian upbringing really started to take its toll. My parents worried about my faith and constantly begged me to find a church to attend. But Jackson and I had no interest in going back for a number of reasons. For one thing, we both had full time jobs now and we cherished our weekends too much to sacrifice a chance to sleep in. But for the most part, I was finding more and more reasons to question Christianity as a whole, and I felt more and more distant from it. It’s important to note that while I was voicing my faith doubts, Jackson was beginning to do the same. He claims that if I hadn’t started questioning, he may not have either. The two of us slowly started letting go of our old Christian selves to take on new ideas and belief systems.

With this newfound open-endedness, I decided to start expanding my horizons. I not only opened my mind to the possibility that Christianity was not entirely true, but I also began to consider the authenticity of other “alternative” lifestyles—more specifically, LGBT+. I rekindled a friendship with a former acquaintance I met through Tumblr years before who now identified as transgender. I listened to her story and opened myself to her insight. Other friends of mine also came out as LGBT. I witnessed their struggles too, as many of them also grew up in similar communities where their new identities would most likely not be accepted. It was very challenging, but also… encouraging. It was helpful to know I wasn’t alone in questioning everything I had ever known, and it was amazing to see how they coped and dealt with it.

Even so, somewhere in the midst of all of this, I began having a major identity crisis, and I fell into a deep depression full of anxiety and fear. Up to this point, my entire life—my identity, my thoughts, my hopes and aspirations, my relationships, everything—was completely embedded and intertwined in my faith. Everything I did, I did as a result of or in some connection with my faith. Every friend I had, I believed that there was a divine reason for their presence in my life. Everything that happened to me was God-ordained, and while I did have some control over my future, it was ultimately a part of God’s plan, and I just needed to follow His Will for my life. Everything I did, I did it for God, or at least I tried to.

This way of life became very unclear and ambiguous, however, when I started questioning the authenticity of the Bible. This also became very difficult when my prayers were no longer being answered. Everything became complicated, and I started to fear and question everything.

I would love to expand on this part of my life (because I have SO MUCH TO SAY about Christianity as an institution and its brutal and toxic effects on my emotional and mental state), but that’s a story for another day. The main point for this story is that I was questioning and doubting literally every single aspect of my life with one major exception: Jackson. He was my rock. He was my life preserver in my ocean of terror, the only thing keeping me from drowning. Don’t misunderstand—my friends were a huge support and I don’t know where I would be now if they hadn’t been there as well. But Jackson was my constant, probably because he was always physically there as well as emotionally. We were miles away from home, miles away from our friends and our support system, but we had each other. He watched my world turn upside down and witnessed my sanity slip away. He stood by me through it all and helped me come out the other side. All the while, he was dealing with his own doubts and spiritual questioning, too. He couldn’t give me the answers I needed because he didn’t have them either. But he was there, and he loved me. Everything else was in shambles, but I knew where he stood, and I knew where I stood. I didn’t know if God loved me or if my parents loved me, but I knew Jackson did. I didn’t know if I loved God anymore, but I knew that I loved Jackson.

This went on for several months and I finally sought professional help from a counselor. It took some time, but after seeing her for a few weeks, I finally started letting go of some of the existential anxieties and accepted the fact that it was okay to not be a Christian anymore. It was okay to question things, it was okay to change my mind. It was okay to not know what I believed. It was okay to not be sure about anything. It was okay to be myself, no matter what. With this new sense of freedom, I really started to explore more about myself. And that’s finally when I allowed myself to bring my sexuality into question.

Again, I had always known I wasn’t completely straight. I had several crushes on many girls, celebrity and friend alike. But I kept coming back to the fact that I was in love with Jackson, wholeheartedly. Even if I was attracted to girls, it wouldn’t matter, right? I had never even had a romantic encounter with a woman, and I never would because I had no desire in leaving Jackson. So why even bother thinking about it?

Early in the process of questioning, I told Jackson that I might be bisexual, hoping that he wouldn’t react negatively. He wasn’t surprised at all and was actually incredibly supportive. “You’re still Amy and you’re still my wife—why would that change anything?” In fact, the only thing it changed was the frequency that we would point out cute girls to each other in public, or discuss the hotness of Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Lawrence, or Anna Kendrick. In a strange way, you could almost say my “gayness” brought my husband and I even closer.

While that was overwhelmingly comforting, I still had a lot of anxiety about the validity of my bisexuality. If I claimed this new identity, would I have regrets? Could I live with the fact that I had never been with a woman? What if being with a woman was better? I would never know, but I would always wonder. What good could come from just wondering? What if I was overwhelmed by temptation? Would I leave Jackson? In retrospect, some of my anxiety was valid, but most of it was silly stuff that happens to everyone in long-term relationships. I could make the same arguments for other men, too. What if I was overwhelmed by temptation for another man and left Jackson? That wouldn’t be because of my “straightness”—it would be a very natural curiosity followed by a selfish action. So why would it be any different if it were a woman? If I truly loved Jackson and we both wanted to stay together, we just had to make the effort to overcome whatever came our way.

In late 2015/early 2016, right in the middle of my deep spiritual depression and sexual identity crisis, I was at Alex’s house with a handful of friends without Jackson (I think he was having a guy’s night with some of his friends). To help ease my anxiety and force myself to have a good time, I got super drunk really fast. I had already shared my half-revelation of my sexuality with this group of friends, and in a very uncharacteristically bold moment, I started making out with my friend Sara who also identified as bisexual. At the time, it was awesome and very hot! But the next morning and for days afterwards, guilt overwhelmed me. It’s important to note, though, that I didn’t feel guilty because I made out with a girl (because it felt surprisingly natural and normal), but because I, a married person, drunkenly kissed someone that was not my spouse. And I was afraid to tell Jackson, despite the fact that I had been very intoxicated at the time, and I knew he’d forgive me. Even if I hadn’t been drunk off my ass, I knew he would still love me for it, and yet the thought that he might leave terrified me.

When I eventually told him (probably 3 days later because I’m not good at keeping secrets from him), he was more upset that he wasn’t there with me than anything else. But he also admitted feeling jealous, just as he would if I had shared a kiss with a guy. We had always half-jokingly discussed before that we’d be down for a threesome with another girl, but honestly, I don’t think I could emotionally handle sharing Jackson with anyone. And, as we found out with the Sara incident, he’s not sure he could handle sharing me either.

Anyway... I kind of went off on a tangent there... I probably need to just wrap up, as this is getting waaaay too long.

To conclude this very disjointed, convoluted story… I’m bisexual. It may not matter to anyone else, and it may not change anything in the grand scheme of things. In fact, I am well aware that many in the LGBT+ community would be hesitant to include me because I’m monogamously with a man and therefore have never and will never experience the kind of discrimination and bigotry they deal with on a daily basis. And while that would be deeply upsetting to me (because my love for the LGBT+ community is deeply rooted in me, not just because I consider myself a part of it, but because so many people I love are LGBT and I will fight tooth and nail for every cause every time), I wouldn’t blame them. The last thing I want is an ostracized group who already struggles with being taken seriously to think of me as some straight interloper trying to claim gay identity like a white girl wearing a tear dress and claiming her 1/16 Cherokee blood as justification.

But it matters to me. My sexuality is a part of me and has always been a part of me. I understand myself better now by acknowledging and accepting my bisexuality. Even if I never had a chance to explore it and may never have an opportunity to experience what a sexual relationship with a woman would be, I’m still perfectly content because I already found my perfect partner and he makes me happy.

Growing up, I always clung to the idea of finding my “soulmate”. And while I’m not as sure now about whether a soulmate exists for every person, I know without a doubt that I found mine. As I said before, it’s pretty miraculous that Jackson and I are still together considering how drastically we’ve both changed since high school. When we started dating, I was a 17-year-old conservative, relatively homophobic Christian who never in a million years would consider herself non-heterosexual. When we started dating, Jackson was a 16-year-old libertarian/conservative Christian who was slightly less homophobic, but pretty sure he was pretty straight. We were kids who had been raised in an environment with a very narrow perspective of the world, but as we grew up together and experienced what the real world was like, we matured. We opened our minds, we challenged our beliefs, and we became adults. Together.

Through it all, despite all my spiritual doubts and questions, I do still believe one thing is still true: I do think God put us together. Whether he kept us together doesn’t really matter, because we kept us together. It hasn’t always been easy, but our bond has never faltered. In fact, I told him the other day that even if my upbringing had been different and I would have explored my sexuality at an earlier age, and even if I had dated girls and guys, I still very well could have ended up with him. We’ll never know of course, but Jackson, despite his ever-skeptical personality, said he agreed. He calls what we have a “cosmic bond” as opposed to being “soulmates”. I think I like that better, too.

Anyway.

So, Happy Pride to all my LGBT+ friends and family! I consider myself an “honorary” member, and it means more to me than you’ll ever know!

[pogueman]

David Pogue Fitbit Alta HR band review

Yes, we know we should move more, sleep better, eat right. But unless you’re wearing a fitness tracker, the results of your efforts are essentially invisible. Trackers keep your progress in your face, a benevolent Little Brother always cheering you on.

That’s especially true of the new Fitbit Alta HR ($150), a spectacular little device that reviewers are already calling the best fitness tracker ever.

The Fitbit Alta HR: The world’s slimmest heart-tracking band.

I’m among them. This amazingly thin, stylish band smoothly and reliably tracks your steps, calories, and sleep. You can swap it onto other bands of different colors and materials. Its battery lasts a full week. Its companion app is terrific.

Above all, the Alta HR is the slimmest tracker ever made with continuous heart-rate tracking. That, really, is the headline. (The original Alta didn’t have heart-rate monitoring.)

Why we care about heart rate

Heart rate is an important indicator of your overall metabolism, how efficiently you’re exercising, and how healthy your heart is overall (your resting heart rate). The Alta uses your pulse data to produce more accurate calorie-burn statistics, too.

And for the first time in a Fitbit, the heart data also informs the sleep data. When you wake in the morning, you can actually see a graph of your sleep cycles, with explanations of how to interpret them.

The heart-rate data is useful for more accurate sleep-stage graphs.

For example, your heart tends to beat the most steadily when you’re in deep sleep, which is tied to memory, learning, and physical recovery. Its rate is much more variable during REM (rapid eye-movement) sleep, which helps with memory and mood. Light sleep, which helps restore you mentally and physically, is in between. Fitibit’s software combines your pulse information with your movement data to determine what phase of sleep you’re in.

Better yet, the app soon begins to offer you daily observations about your particular sleep and activity habits (above, right). “You got 20 minutes more sleep on days you ran, versus days you didn’t,” it might say. Life and health coaching, yours free.

It took Fitbit Inc. two years—and the creation of its own sleep lab—to develop this feature.

These improved sleep features will be coming soon to other Fitbits that have heartbeat sensors.

What isn’t new

What’s new in the Alta HR are the heart sensor, the better battery, and a much improved buckle (rather than the fussy pegs-and-holes clasp of the previous Alta).

One, two, buckle my band.

The rest of the Alta HR story should be familiar to Fitbit fans. For example:

A superior app. The Fitbit app is a model of infographics. They should use it in “How to present a lot of information without becoming un-navigable” classes. With a tap or two, you can reveal your sleep, steps, calories, activity, food, and water stats for today (or by the week, month, or year).

The Fitbit app is full of clearly presented data—about you.

Social features. The app is also the hub for participating in competitions with other Fitbit fans—a great motivator. (The adorable 10-year-old daughter of an old friend in London keeps challenging me to weekly step-count races. I keep losing.) In an update this week, Fitbit made it easy for you to join groups of like-minded health nuts; you can boast about your achievements and ask questions.

The Fitbit’s job isn’t just to measure you; it’s also to inspire you.

Motivational features. Fitbit’s app uses clever cues to prod you to move more, and reward you when you do. For example, Adventures is a cool, semi-augmented-reality feature: As your step count grows through the week, it tracks where you’d be if you’d walked the same distance into the hiking paths in Yosemite, or the route in the New York City Marathon. You can hold your phone up and look around, turning your body, and see the stunning view that you’d see around you—no matter how gritty and depressing your actual location.

Swappable bands. You can pop out the Alta’s brain module to insert it into a different band: another silicone color ($30) or a leather one ($60). There’s even a gorgeous, shiny, stainless-steel, bangle-type band ($100) that takes fitness trackers into a whole new realm of jewleryishness—but, because it’s a bangle that dangles away from your wrist, sacrifices the heart monitoring. The new bands are interchangeable with the original Alta—which means that you if you own the original Alta, you can now get the better buckle mechanism.

To detach the two band halves, you press hinged metal buttons on the back (top). A wide variety of band options await.

OLED screen. The OLED screen isn’t as bright as the one on the Fitbit Charge 2, but it’s still easy to read in any light. You can choose what kind of time display you want, and in which orientation.

Showerproof (shhhhhh!). Fitbit, no doubt fearing complaints from people whose showers are modeled after fire hoses, discourages you from wearing the Alta in the shower. (It’s splash- and rain-resistant only, they say.) But the truth is that it does fine in showers of typical water pressure; I’ve been violating Fitbit’s no-shower recommendation for years without a problem.

Multiple readouts. The screen is ordinarily dark. To see the time, you have to double-tap the screen or just raise your wrist. Once you’ve awakened the Alta, each additional screen tap summons a different tally for the day: Steps, miles, calories burned, minutes active, battery life. (It’s not a touchscreen. The Alta detects your taps solely by feeling the jostling of the entire unit.)

The Alta HR has no buttons. You tap the glass repeatedly to see these readouts.

Notifications. The Alta vibrates when your phone gets an incoming call or text—it scrolls the actual text message—or when a calendar appointment comes due. (You can turn off any of these notifications.) Super handy when your phone is buried in your bag or over there on the table.

Silent alarms. Your band can awaken you quietly, with a wrist vibration. Handy if your bed partner sleeps later than you do.

Workout detection. The Alta, like other Fitbits, can detect when you’re exercising, and to record it correctly. By analyzing the particular movement patterns of your wrist, it knows which kind of exercise you’re doing: biking, hiking, running, or playing basketball, soccer, or tennis. It automatically records that exercise, which is really slick.

Reminders to move

Many studies have established how deadly it is to sit for long periods. It’s really terrible for you. Sit six hours a day, and you’ll die 4.8 years sooner, according to a 2012 study. That’s true even if you exercise regularly; this article explains why.

One study, however, says that just moving a little once every hour goes a long way toward fighting off those awful outcomes. That’s why the Alta reminds you, after every hour of sitting, to walk around for a couple of minutes.

You can turn off this feature, and you can set up “Do not disturb” times when you won’t be nagged. But man, this feature really, truly works. I found that I didn’t have to think very hard to come up with an hourly excuse to get up and go do something, thus making my app happy.

Alta HR vs the rest

I wasn’t especially thrilled by the original Alta, which seemed to be a big step down from the industry’s smarter (but bigger) bands.

But the Alta HR is a different story. The heart monitor enhances the accuracy of many other data types, including calorie tracking, weight-loss tracking, exercise tracking, and sleep tracking.

Yet all of this still fits into a sleek, thin, non-dorky-looking band.

Fitbit’s representatives mentioned to me, with a hint of pride, that getting its optical heart-rate sensor shrunken down into a band this slim—and yet fitting a larger battery than the first Alta’s—was an enormous technical challenge.

Look how much thinner the Alta HR is than its predecessor, despite having almost all of the same features.

That may be why, surprisingly, the Alta costs the same $150 as its older, wider brother, the Charge 2, which I reviewed here—even though the Charge 2 does more. Just so you know, here’s what the Charge 2 does that the Alta HR does not:

Stairway counting. The Alta HR has no altimeter. (The Alta HR therefore needs no little air hole—another reason it’s weird that Fitbit says not to wear it in the shower.)

Guided relaxation breathing, guided workouts. The Alta’s screen isn’t wide enough to display the animations, and the Alta lacks the physical button for navigating those features.

“Connected GPS.” That’s where the Fitbit tracks your runs or bike rides by consulting your phone’s GPS, so that you can review your route in the Fitbit app later.

In other words, if you’re a serious athlete, the Alta probably won’t be enough for you. But if you’re just aiming to get healthier, sleep better, lose weight, and gain amazing insight into the ordinarily invisible processes of your body and metabolism, the Alta is the best band going.

More from David Pogue:

David Pogue’s search for the world’s best air-travel app

David Pogue tested 47 pill-reminder apps to find the best one

The little-known iPhone feature that lets blind people see with their fingers

I paid $3,000 for my MacBook Pro and got emotional whiplash

Here’s the real money-maker for the Internet of Things

David Pogue, tech columnist for Yahoo Finance, welcomes non-toxic comments in the Comments below. On the Web, he’s davidpogue.com. On Twitter, he’s @pogue. On email, he’s poguester@yahoo.com. You can read all his articles here , or you can sign up to get his columns by email.

[regular-lord-reckoner]

We Need to Talk About Kevin, I Mean Otayuri

Alright, so let’s talk about Otayuri, age of consent, pedophilia, and abusive relationships for a minute. (This is gonna get long, but please bear with me)

So, like most issues that exist, you’ve got people on at least two pretty distinct sides (and a bunch that fall somewhere in the middle).

There are those who feel like the shipping of these two is absolutely, completely wrong for a variety of reasons and those who feel like the shipping of these two is absolutely, completely a-okay for a variety of reasons.

So, let’s talk about some of those and I’ll share with you my perspective on the situation, shall we?

Obviously one of the biggest issues that comes up is the age of consent. When talking about these characters in particular it becomes a little tricky because they both come from different countries and the show itself is Japanese.

According to a little research, the age of consent for both Russia and Kazakhstan is 16. For Japan it’s 13 (which…yikes on bikes).

Now, this becomes important because there’s a lot of speculation about how to view the ages of both characters.

In terms of where the show itself has left off, where season one ended, Yuri was still 15. His birthday is at the beginning of March and so it’s assumed that unless the show decides to go back in time, if/when we get a season 2 he’ll be 16 (although if the show picks up literally where it left off he’s probably still 15 and I’d guess maybe two months out from 16? It’s hard to tell. Yuuri’s hair has gotten longer in the last shot, so we know at least some time has passed since December, but it’s unclear how much. Chances are, though, being that the show itself took place in essentially real time, by the time a second season is out we’ll have passed that point and hell, Yuri may even be 17 by the time we get another season, who knows.) 

Otabek’s age is a little more unclear. Several times in the show his age is listed as 18 until towards the end of the season where Celestino says he’s 19. Otabek’s birthday is at the end of October and although a great deal of time passes from the beginning of the season to the end (Yuuri mentions something along the lines of “I can’t believe it’s already been 8 months…”) during Viktor’s narration which takes place in December he says Otabek is 18, so we didn’t pick up another birthday for him, therefore I’m more inclined to think he’s actually 18 and that Celestino was just mistaken or perhaps it was an accident on behalf of one of the writers.

But so essentially we’re dealing with a 15/16 year old and an 18/possibly 19 year old.

Now, first off something I’ve noticed from the opposed side is that they tend to cite American laws of consent, but there is an issue there and that is that American laws of consent are not the same across the board, but rather determined by state.

In the US, consent is set anywhere from 16 to 18 years of age with the most common being 16 years of age. Obviously then this makes it hard trying to apply American law to this situation because neither character lives in America and therefore we can’t say, “Oh, well Otabek is from New York, so the age of consent for him would be 17!”

That being the case, I think it’s more appropriate to use their own countries as what we hold them to in legal terms, because different countries have different ideas and laws about other behaviors as well that are considered “for adults only” such as drinking, driving, voting, buying cigarettes, renting a car, etc., etc.

So, as it would stand right now, if we’re to take the view of Yuri still being 15 because that’s where the show left him, then yes, a relationship between he and Otabek would not be okay in either country as he is under the age of consent.

By the time the show comes back, though (and lord I hope it does) Yuri will likely be 16 and therefore legally able to consent.

Now listen…I don’t like the idea of a 16 year old having sex as much as the next guy. I think that’s too young, I think that age is too immature to really handle something like that, but I teach sex ed to middle and high schoolers and I know better. They’re doing it.

Fortunately, last I checked (and this is American statistics but still) only like 47% of high schoolers are sexually active, which is less than half. And if I’m not mistaken, I think it’s actually lower than that now, so that’s somewhat good news!

Also, teen pregnancy rates have been on the decline over the past few decades, although they’re still not great they are going down. Unfortunately, however, teen STD rates are going up.

Of the 20 million new STD cases reported each year, about half are from young people ages 15-24. 

So, whether we like it or not, these little fuckers are out here boning down on each other and they’re not being particularly careful about it either, which is discouraging, but part of why I do what I do.

Unfortunately, however, in the state in which I work there are very strict laws about sex education, specifically that we’re to promote abstinence emphatically and exclusively and that we cannot promote the use of contraceptives and birth control and may only give medically accurate information about such if a student asks a question about them in good faith (which means they don’t ask just to get a rise out of me or the class).

These laws are born, I think, out of this mindset that a lot of adults have that sex isn’t for teens and therefore they should only be given the bare minimum amount of information, lest you inadvertently encourage them to become sexually active. (This mindset, btw, is also what I believe drives adults to deny kids and teens the validity of their gender identity and sexual orientations, although the situations are not quite the same the underlying idea of a teenager being too young/too immature to be able to handle/know about certain things is of the same thread.) 

And again, like…in some part I agree. I teach these kids, I see how a lot of them still can’t handle having a mature conversation about puberty and am horrified every time one of says they think the “pull out method” is an effective way to prevent pregnancy (joke’s on you, kid, it’s actually the way most teens end up getting pregnant!)

If I had it my way, I’d give these kids some coloring books and juice boxes and sit their asses in front of cartoons all day long because the older you get, the more people younger than you look like infants. Hell, even by my senior year of high school I was looking at freshman thinking, “You’re just babies, what are you doing here??? Who let you out of daycare?!?!?”

I also had a 15 year old insist to me that her personality is going to stay the same for the rest of her life and that she’s pretty much already matured as much as she’s ever going to and I just…I hated to be “that adult” but I had to gently point out to her that while for the most part, yes, her personality may stay more or less the same that her brain hasn’t even finished growing.

You don’t reach full brain development until around your mid-twenties and one of the last things to fully develop is your prefrontal cortex area which is responsible for things like personality, decision-making, and impulse control. Y’know, things we tend to think of younger people struggling with.

That being said, I’m not one of these people that thinks teenagers are just sacks of jumbled hormones who can’t be trusted with any level of responsibility and who have no levels of maturity whatsoever. That’s certainly not true.

A lot of kids at that age slowly begin to take on responsibilities like learning how to drive, how to manage their own money, and maybe even have a part-time job, as well as already looking into higher education or which field of work they’d like to enter once they graduate.

Teenagers do possess a certain capacity for these things and so I’m not writing them off entirely, I’m just saying I can sympathize with those who look at them and think, “God, you’re so young, though, you shouldn’t be trusted with something so important…” because it’s hard not to look back at your own youth and think, “Wow, I really thought I had it all figured out then, but I didn’t know shit!”

(Then again, I still do assert that I was pretty mature for my age. While of course I wasn’t completely there, I was more mature than what you’d expect from a typical teenager, although perhaps I’m a little biased in saying so, who knows.)

So, okay, we’ve established that we understand why some people can’t fathom the thought of teens who are sexually active, I gotcha, I’m right there with ya. But again, I think we need to be realistic and come to terms with the fact that, like it or not, they are.

If at age 16 Yuri decides to become sexually active, I may not like it, but he will legally be able to consent and his behavior wouldn’t be some drastic deviation from the norm. If he were to live in America, he’d still be in that less than half percentage of those who are, but it’s still pretty close to half and therefore not really that unheard of.

From a legal standpoint, then, at age 16 there’s nothing technically wrong. He’s well within his rights at that point. At 15, no, but 16, yes.

Now, I see a lot of people from the in favor side who are very transparent about the fact that they wouldn’t ship Yuri and Otabek together until Yuri’s 16 anyway, some saying not even until he’s 18 or until they’re both in their twenties because they want these characters to have time to get to know one another as friends first and then perhaps something romantic will develop as time goes on. This is also in conjecture with the idea that just because two people are dating doesn’t automatically mean they’re having sex, and in fact, I’ve seen a lot of headcanons for both Yuri and Otabek that view them as being asexual, so there’s that as well.

One of the ways of thinking about their situation, therefore, is to put it in a realistic context and realize that age-wise, this is the equivalent of a sophomore and a senior in high school dating.

Another way of looking at it is that Otabek is eighteen. Teen. He’s still a teenager. He will remain a teenager until he’s twenty. Even though, at least in the US, he’d be allowed to vote and buy cigarettes, he’s still technically a teen, so we’re talking about two teenagers dating. And again, a 16 and 18 year old dating isn’t really that uncommon.

Now, here’s where I take issue with something. I see a lot of people on the opposed side calling Otabek a “grown ass man”. I…don’t know how many 18 year olds you know, but I would hardly classify them as “grown ass” individuals.

Here again, an 18 year old’s brain hasn’t even finished growing yet and although an 18 year old is likely to be a little more mature than a 16 year old, we’re not talking about drastic leaps and bounds in maturity the same way we would between someone who’s 12 and someone who’s 16.  

I think people use this terminology to support the idea that “Otayuri is pedophilia” in which by painting Otabek as a “grown ass man” and Yuri as “a literal child” it sounds a lot worse than what it really is which, again, if we don’t put these two together until Yuri’s 16 is a ~two year age gap. Hardly that scandalous and also not what pedophilia is, but I do on the other hand understand why it makes some people uncomfortable and that’s okay! (It’s not okay that you’re uncomfortable, but your feelings are valid, is what I’m saying)

I know a lot of people like to get real technical at this point in the argument and talk about pedophilia per definition, so let’s talk about that.

Merriam-Webster dictionary describes pedophilia as: sexual perversion in which children are the preferred sexual object; specifically: a psychological disorder in which an adult has sexual fantasies about or engages in sexual acts with a prepubescent child.

Therefore, a lot of people argue that using the term pedophilia isn’t exactly accurate because Yuri’s not really prepubescent. Now, from where I sit, I know the onset of puberty can begin anywhere from 9 to 16 years old, it depends on the person and typically “boys” are later than “girls”.

Yuri describes during the show how he knows he has a short window before his body begins to change, which prompts some to think that perhaps he hasn’t begun puberty yet. This one’s difficult, because it’s not likely we’re going to get a solid answer on, “Hey, when will/did Yuri start puberty?”

He’s on the shorter side right now (5’4) and it’s hard to tell with an animated character how defined his features really are, although he does appear to have some muscle tonnage in spite of his skinny physique so that tells me he’s at least experiencing some puberty, also the fact that his voice is on the deeper side and he doesn’t appear to have any vocal cracking going on. (Although how far you can really throw that one considering the flashback of him at like…what, 10 or 12 has him with the same voice so…Idk)

Being that it’s somewhat murky then whether or not he’s started puberty, I can see where semantically you could use the definition of pedophilia to either condemn of excuse your stance.

In terms of age-wise, though, typically anyone under the age of 13 would be considered a child and an attraction to a teenager would be more along the lines of either hebephilia or ephebophilia.

However, I don’t really think we need to get into semantics to understand what a person is trying to say when they say, “I don’t support this ship because I think it’s pedophilia”. What they mean is that they’re uncomfortable with someone who’s a legal adult being with someone who isn’t quite there yet. And again, that’s understandable if that makes you uncomfortable and I’m not going to tell you to shut up or feel a different way.

I do, however, take issue with the fact that I feel like some of the discourse surrounding issues of pedophilia takes on a stance that essentially borders on the idea of: if two 17 year olds date they have to break up as soon as one of them turns 18 because that’s just wrong!!!!! That’s…kind of extreme, in my opinion and misses the point.

But we’ll talk more about pedophilia in just a second, I want to move on to my next point.

So, from the opposed side we have the argument of, “Even if Yuri is of legal age of consent by the time he starts dating Otabek, it would be an abusive relationship because of the power imbalance brought on by their age gap and therefore I cannot support it.”

So this one is…pretty messy, honestly.

I realize that a lot of this comes from people who, themselves, have been in abusive relationships in which an age gap similar to or greater than this one was present and therefore it’s hard for them to sign off on this relationship because it echoes too much of their own experience.

And so first off out the gate I want to say I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m sorry if you’re one of those people, you didn’t deserve the abuse your endured and I hate it for you that you had this god awful experience.

I would, however, encourage you to both realize that your experiences are not universal and to also be critical of how the age gap played a factor.

So, let’s talk about it.

First and foremost, like I said, this is not a universal experience. Although there are a lot of people who are in age gap relationships who end up being abused, there are just as many people who have been in age gap relationships that were healthy.

This is where I urge you to be critical of the age gap itself and realize that the age gap on its own doesn’t make for an abusive relationship.

This is where the defense side chimes in with the notion that if it were true that all age gaps are inherently abusive then wouldn’t Viktor and Yuuri’s relationship be abusive as they have a ~4 year age gap?

The obvious answer is no, it’s not unhealthy for them.

So part of the problem is specifically with the fact that Otabek is a legal adult whereas Yuri is not. Now there again, I see where you’re coming from and I have absolutely no problem if you can’t get behind it on those grounds alone.

However, again, I don’t think there’s really that drastic of a leap between 16 and 18 that would constitute this massive power imbalance that people seem to think would exist between the two.

The issue with older abusers is this: they’re still abusers no matter what age they date. If they dated someone their own age, guess what? They’d still be abusers. Their motivation in seeking someone younger than themselves may very well be because they think it would be easier to manipulate or influence them and sometimes that is the case, but here again, it’s not a feature that’s exclusive to all age gaps and not even ones wherein one person is a legal adult and the other is say 16 or 17.

We’ve all seen the warnings, especially to younger girls, about watching out for older guys who try to pick them up and I think that’s absolutely good advice and you should be wary as hell about that.

However, I’m not going to look at a 16 year old girl and an 18 year old guy and be like, “Mmm, abusive. He’s got power over her, he’s taking advantage.” That may be the case, but it may also not and I wouldn’t know just from looking at their age or the gap between them.

Now 15 and 18, yeah that gets pretty sketchy, I’m not comfortable with that. But 16 and 18? Call me naïve, but that seems somewhat negligible and really needs to be assessed on a case-by-case basis because while that situation may prove to be a perfect storm for an abusive relationship, it doesn’t necessitate one on that basis alone.

As a side note, while we’re on the subject of power imbalances I am curious as to how those opposed feel about the power imbalance between Yuuri and Viktor with Viktor acting as Yuuri’s coach. I’m not saying there necessarily is one or that it’s damaging, especially not in the same way teacher/student, doctor/patient, or employer/employee is, but one could argue that their ship should immediately go in the trash because Viktor does have, albeit minimal, power over Yuuri. As their relationship plays out, I think they’ve actually struck a healthy balance between the two of them, but since we’re looking at his from a purely black and white standpoint in which X is always wrong, no matter the circumstances, then I think we need to apply that same logic to the ships we do love as well for the sake of fairness.

But back to the point, in terms of the age gap between them playing a factor into why these two shouldn’t be together, on the one hand I perfectly understand why it makes some people uncomfortable and why they can’t support it and you have my full support in avoiding what makes you uncomfortable. However, on the other hand, I don’t think it’s fair for someone to use their personal experience to try to generalize and make rules for what should and shouldn’t be allowed.

My parents have a 17 year age gap between them. They met when my mom was in her twenties, so nothing is illegal about their relationship, but my dad does have some years on her. However, in terms of their relationship they see and treat each other as equals (although if I’m honest I kinda think Mom more so “wears the pants”, so to speak but shhh).

I’m also witnessing a relative of mine who’s in her early twenties who’s dating a man who is…older than her own mother, so that’s…a thing. And although I don’t know all the ins and outs of their relationship, I am seeing a lot of stuff from her side in which she’s being abusive towards him. She constantly guilts him over certain behaviors, posting dozens of statuses each day that allude to her hurt feelings any time he doesn’t immediately text her back or drop everything to spend time with her. She also employs a lot of the rhetoric of “no one will ever love you as much as I do, so you can go out there and try to find something better, but you never will!” which is like…textbook abuser language.

But she’s younger! She shouldn’t be able to do that, right? Well, she is. She most certainly is and so here again I say, an age gap just on its face doesn’t automatically constitute for an abusive relationship in which the older person takes advantage of and abuses the younger person. While that does sometimes happen and while that may be the motivation of the abuser to find someone younger in order to more easily take advantage, it’s not fair to generalize that behavior to any and all age gap relationships, including those between legal adults and minors (provided that minor is at least at the age of consent because again, I too think it’s pretty ehhhhhhh when you get younger than that, also not to mention, y’know, ILLEGAL, so there’s that).

So, alright we’ve done a loooooot of talking about the hot button issues that come up in this heated debate and hopefully I was able to add a little more clarity to the situation? Perhaps not, but if nothing else this is my take on it and to be clear I’ll reiterate: As Yuri stands now, where canon left him, he is 15 years old and not legally able to consent to a relationship with Otabek who is 18 (possibly 19). Once the show picks back up, however, and Yuri is 16 then he will legally be able to consent to a relationship with Otabek. Whether or not that relationship will be sexual in nature is likely not going to be addressed in canon and left up to fan interpretation in which I know already a lot of people have already stated that even still they wouldn’t have these two start bumping uglies right out of the gate and that for some, they may never due to personal interpretations of their respective sexualities.

But so…here comes the next part and this is where we’re going to pick back up on pedophilia.

Regardless of whether or not these two end up actually getting together or not, regardless of whether or not you wait for Yuri to be 16…he’s still 16.

Now, if you yourself, as a fan, are also 16 then…I guess I can’t really stop you from thirsting over this character, but here is something I can toss your way: don’t create nsfw artwork or fan fiction involving this underage character.

Especially, ESPECIALLY, if you are an actual “grown ass adult”.

Just…stop it. Get some help. That shouldn’t have to be said.

The amount of people thirsting over Yuri’s “Welcome to the Madness” performance who are adults is, frankly, super disturbing. I put some of that blame on the studio itself for having his performance be as provocative as it was, but the audience itself should be able to police themselves into behaving and not going, “Oh wow, so sexy, so hot, wow wow wow!!!”

Being that this skate took place after the GPF, guess what? He’s 15. HE’S 15. YOU’RE SALIVATING OVER A 15 YEAR OLD, CONGRATS! 

I don’t care how much “older” he looks with makeup and his outfit. I don’t care if he had taken all his damn clothes off right then and there, you need to stop with that shit, stop sexualizing this underage character!!!

I get it, he’s not “real”, he’s an animated character, but works featuring him, as a minor, engaging in sexual acts or the sexualization of him (fictional or not) still contributes to a harmful culture that preys on children and adolescents.

Which, to my understanding, is a pretty big problem in Japan and I mean…again, their age of consent is 13. That…really doesn’t sit right with me. I know different cultures have different attitudes about things, but just knowing what I do of psychology, I don’t think a 13 year old can really understand the repercussions or have the maturity level to engage in sexual behaviors, especially not with someone older.

It’s also been found that adults who prey on children will actually use things like cartoons and animations which depict the exploitation of children in sexual situations to convince children that what they’re doing is okay and perfectly acceptable. That’s…really fucked up.

I understand that a lot of people in fandom saying these things or posting these works don’t think they’re doing anything wrong or don’t realize how harmful their actions are, but I’m here to tell ya…newsflash, asshole, depicting minors in sexual situations has been wrong this entire goddamn time!!! Please stop doing that. Please, for the love of god. S T O P.

As far as “aging up” the characters I mean…that’s going to be a divisive issue in which again, I get both sides.

Being that he’s not a real character you can sort of shape him in different ways and part of that involves depicting him as an actual adult. As long as that’s actually conveyed in your work and is perfectly clear then I guess technically there’s not anything legally off about that, although it might not sit right with everyone who feels like that’s still sketchy behavior.

Personally, I’m more comfortable with the aging up thing in fan fiction because fan fiction in general tends to take a lot of liberties away from canon to begin with and so it’s not that hard to envision a Yuri who in a story would be in his twenties.

Then again, I may also be biased because these are my personal thoughts on the ship: As of right now, I don’t see them as anything but friends, perhaps even best friends. I’m happy for both of them that they have someone they feel like they can relate to and being that at least Yuri’s been something of a loner, I’m glad he has someone close to his age that he gets along with so well.

I feel like (and again, this is just me) that as they get older it’s perfectly possible that their relationship may develop into something more and I wouldn’t be opposed to that. I think that once they both have a chance to grow and mature, and again, get better acquainted with one another first as friends, that I could see them having a cute, happy, healthy relationship of which I’d be in support of.

As of right now, though, I don’t ship them romantically. It’s just sort of a parent looking at their kid and their good friend and thinking, “Hmmm, those two might get married some day years and years down the road…” and sort of smiling knowingly to yourself.

Now of course, it’s 100% possible that they don’t. That they remain friends (or perhaps even grow apart, who knows!) but never anything more than that or maybe even that when they’re a little older they try dating, but it doesn’t work out, they make better friends, and so they split. Mother doesn’t always know best and although I personally think of them as a future otp, there’s really no saying for sure until we get something in canon.

But so…these are all my thoughts. Feel free to disagree with me, I understand this is incredibly sensitive subject matter and people have a lot of thoughts and feelings about it, some of which are deeply personal and therefore make this an even more charged discussion.

I apologize if anything I’ve said has contributed to that harm, even if it was indirectly. I’ve tried, to the best of my ability, to look at this from both sides and to take each argument into careful consideration, although I’m just one person and like all people, I can be biased and misinformed, so my word is definitely not law and like I said multiple times, if you simply just can’t get behind the ship because it makes you even the slightest bit uncomfortable, for whatever reason, I encourage you to do what’s best for you and what’s best for your health.

For those in favor of, please don’t insist that anyone opposed “just get over it” or “shut up and let people ship what they want, gosh!!!” It’s really not quite as simple as that and you may be talking to someone who has a personal experience similar to the one this relationship would present that was traumatic for them and it therefore is hard for them to see you being dismissive of concerns that they try to bring to your attention.

That being said, I do realize as well that there are a lot of people who haven’t really sat down and given the situation any thought who are basically just looking for an excuse to yell at someone and so all they want to do is yell, “It’s pedophilia, it’s wrong, you should kill yourself!!!!” even at people who have said, “I’m actually a survivor of CSA and I don’t think this ship is that”.

I think there’s sort of a knee-jerk reaction re: pedophilia discourse to really go into high gear and start chucking things in the trash if it even vaguely looks like that’s what’s going on, but we’re not really doing that discourse any service if we have this sort of reaction instead of stepping back and looking at it from a truly critical and realistic point of view. 

The protection of children and minors is of the utmost importance and should come first before all things, but it needs to be from a rational standpoint otherwise we’re not really benefiting anyone but ourselves as we try to look the most morally upstanding of them all by using sweeping generalizations and condemning situations without really taking them into proper context and consideration. 

In addition to that line of thought, for those who defend the ship, bear in mind that your enjoyment of something doesn’t get to supersede the safety of others. 

As I’ve outlined, 15 year old Yuri and 18 year old Otabek would not be okay.

16 year old Yuri and 18 year old Otabek, however, is legal and it doesn’t really do any good to throw American laws at the situation just because that’s where you’re from because again, these two aren’t from America and the age of consent varies by state, although the most common age is still 16 so really no matter how you slice it that’s what we’re left with.

And, of course, art and fan fiction depicting an underage Yuri in sexual situations is not okay, especially if you’re an adult.

So. This has been a lot of text, a lot of words, a lot of ideas, and a lot to take in, but it’s all important.

I don’t see this as an argument that’s going to go away any time soon, so I wanted to offer up my two cents which no one asked for, but I felt nevertheless compelled to share.

I think people on both sides need to take the time to listen, to try to understand, and to have some compassion. If you’re yelling at a 16 year old kid on the internet to go kill themselves because you think they’re doing something harmful, that’s not really any better than what you’re trying to defend and you need to take a step back. Because although there are plenty (re: too many) problematic adults in this fandom, a lot of fans are actually themselves minors. I promise and encourage you to make your point without having to jump to death threats or telling people to die. There is validity (to a certain degree) on both sides and I hope this ridiculously long post has provided at least a little bit of clarity on the situation.

I think it’s important that we don’t jump to conclusions or take certain ideas to their most extreme i.e. “all age gap relationships are inherently abusive!” and “a 16 year old is a helpless infant incapable of making decisions for themselves and has no business being sexually active!”

While you may be understandably uncomfortable with age gaps and sexually active teens, these are things that happen that aren’t always bad, it’s the context and the nature of the relationship that’s important and while like I said, I’m not wild about the idea of a 16 year old being sexually active (there are also a lot of grown ass adults I’m not wild about being sexually active either as they can be highly immature and irresponsible) I’m also realistic and can understand that there’s a fair chance they will be and that I don’t do that age group any favors by blanketly infantilizing them and trying to deny them that, especially if legally they’re within their rights. I do, however, as an adult have a responsibility both morally and legally to not contribute to the sexualization of said 16 year old.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and please be good to yourself and to each other.  

[notbemoved-blog]

#OscarsSoDiverse: “O.J.,” “13th,” and “Negro,” Focusing on the Color Line

#OscarsSoWhite is suddenly SO last year, as The New Yorker’s cover this week announces. Now it’s #OscarsNotSoWhite, as diversely pigmented actors and actresses populate some of the year’s most memorable feature films. From Fences to Hidden Figures to Moonlight, an array of stories about race and its impact on lives both real and imagined filled the screen and have the opportunity to compete for some of 2016’s most sought-after movie prizes—best actor and actress, best film, and even best director.

  For my money, though, the most interesting category from a race-in-America perspective goes to Best Documentary film. Three of the five nominated films in the DOC category try to get at the question of the role of race in American life, and each one succeeds in various ways of pointing out the perennial problem of America’s original sin. I am Not Your Negro, 13th, and O. J.: Made in America—all three made by black film makers—push the boundaries of our understanding of the issues African-Americans face in our society and demonstrate the enduring legacy of chattel slavery, Jim Crow segregation, and the devaluation and twisted logic fraught in the social system based on judgment of human beings based on the color of their skin. 

Perhaps the most fascinating of these three films is Ezra Edelman’s O. J.: Made in America. This seven-and-a-half-hour-epic traces the life and legacy of fallen American hero everyone came to know simply as O.J. From football legend in the 1970s to TV ad man (running through airports for Hertz) and B-grade actor in the 1980s to alleged wife killer in the “Crime of the Century” in the 1990s, O. J.’s story is a cautionary tale about race, class, and privilege in glitzy L.A. and how the lens of racial bias colors all of our judgments, no matter which race you are classified as belonging to. 

This well-worn story of the murder of Simpson’s wife, Nicole Brown, and the unfortunate Ron Goldman—a waiter who was simply returning a forgotten item from the restaurant he worked at—would seem an odd choice for making a film documentary for a contemporary film maker. But Edelman, the bi-racial the son of Marian Wright and Peter Edelman, perhaps had it in his DNA to deconstruct the most talked about trial of his youth and disentangle the threads of racism, sexism, heroism, and any other -ism tied up in this tragic tale of woe-all-around. 

I was not inclined to spend the time watching a series of five 1.5 hour-long episodes to get to the bottom of whether or not O.J. was guilty. I had lived through the “Year of Living Dangerously” as the crime was reported on and sensationalized, and as the trial was broadcast daily by breathy journalists and pondered over nightly by millions of Americans. But while attending the Washington Ideas Forum put on by The Atlantic this fall, I heard Ta-Nehisi Coates call the film the best documentary of the year and then interview Edelman about the making of the film. I became intrigued and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. 

It is not a pretty story. It takes us through the allegations that Simpson, a black man, had killed his sexy and glamorous white wife in a jealous rage one night and then jetted off to a motivational speaking engagement. The details are horrifying, and Edelman does not back away from any of the gore or titillating facts of the case. We are re-introduced to the entire cast of characters: the sly defense attorney Johnnie Cochran (“If it [the glove] doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”), the hapless prosecutors Marcia Clark (white) and Christopher Darden (black); O. J.’s friends and detractors, who regularly were paraded into our living rooms back then thanks to the rise of daytime talk shows; the uber-bad-cop Mark Fuhrman whose reputation and career took hit after the media portrayed his as the fall guy; and perhaps most notably the grieving father of Ron Goldman, whose dogged determination to nail the SOB finally brings Simpson to his knees and knocks that cocky smile off of his face. 

But the film is so much more than a seedy whodunit. Edelman takes the opportunity to explore how O. J.’s family got to California (the Great Migration), how he rose from lower-class circumstances as a result of his athletic gifts to become the classy “new black” role model, one that whites could readily embrace, and how he attempted to erase race from the equation—expecting people to judge him based on his abilities, not on his skin tone. It is also a story of how celebrity culture kills the soul, of spousal abuse and how women’s claims about their abusive husbands are consistently devalued, and how the lived experience of race in America could so completely color the way one looked at the O. J. trial. If you were white, O. J. was obviously guilty; if you were black, there were no end of explanations as to why he was innocent and being framed. 

Most of the players are still around and offer “color commentary” on their roles throughout the trial phase of the film. We see footage of them then and now. We also hear from some of the jurors who (spoiler alert!) found O.J. innocent mostly because they were not going to give their sainted hero up to Whitey after all of the bad things they had experienced at the hands of “the Man” throughout their lives. It is shocking, mesmerizing, absorbing TV (the series aired on ESPN), and I can’t say I’ve ever seen anything like it. Most of all, as Time Magazine called the O. J. story, it is “An American Tragedy,” played out in five parts. 

  Ava DuVernay’s 13th takes as its subject the Thirteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution—the one that outlawed slavery—and demonstrates how what might seem as a throw-away phrase in this two-sentence amendment has become a catalyst for mass incarceration and the ruination of the lives of multiple generations of black American males. The film boasts an impressive array of talented scholars and social commentators, including Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates, CNN talking head Van Jones (who predicted the Trump victory), New Jersey junior Senator Cory Booker, and 1970s radical activist Angela Davis, to name but a few.

“Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime . . .  shall exist within the United States. . . .”

 13th could be called a more “standard-style” documentary, providing insight and information on a topical subject in about 90 minutes. Documentaries of this sort are the fondue of modern American intellectual life. You can become conversant on any subject by dipping into a melting pot of ideas—stirred regularly by experts on the matter—and emerge feeling satisfied (knowledgeable) but craving more. 

The inspiration for 13th in part comes from Michelle Alexander’s breakthrough book The New Jim Crow, which provided the first mass-marketed insight into mass incarceration when it was published in 2010. The book became a New York Times bestseller and inspired a fresh look at America’s prison industrial complex through a racial lens, leading to a call for criminal justice reform that continues to this day. 

DuVernay features Alexander prominently throughout the film, citing statistics and historical developments that led to our current situation whereby every third black male in America can expect to spend time in jail as compared to every seventeenth white male and where 40 percent of our entire prison population is black. The film is full of harsh facts like this, often presented in stark black and white graphics, almost like a teacher writing notes on a chalk board. It shows how our prison population grew from 370,000 in 1970 to more than 2.3 million in 2014—a vast increase during a time when crime was actually going down. The causes for this development—Bill Clinton’s 3-strikes policy, mandatory minimum sentencing requirements, the militarization and over-funding of the police force—all conspire to take judgement out of the justice system and lock up more of our (mostly black) citizen and for longer periods of time, often for minor offenses.

13th is a whirlwind tour of our “crimigration” system—as young black men are moved from urban blight to prison in a few easy steps. We hear about the school-to-prison pipeline and the prison industrial complex run often by private corporations for profit. We get history lessons, from Nixon’s call for “law and order” to Reagan’s criminalization of drug abuse to Obama’s plea in 2015 for massive changes in how we deal with the growing crisis (and costs) of nearly five percent of our population being locked up—the highest percentage of any nation on earth. All of this is presented to the soundtrack of hip hop, with Public Enemy coming out looking like prophets for calling out these social outrages at the dawn of the rap era. DuVernay’s film is shouting at all of us. “We are tolerating this,” one of her many guests says. We are all, therefore, complicit. 13th is a damning documentary of the American justice system, and no one is spared its fury. 

I am Not Your Negro, on the other hand, serves its bile cold, which makes it all the more difficult to swallow. It chokes in your mouth and you want to vomit. This spoken word documentary, directed by Haitian-born filmmaker Raoul Peck, apparently recounts word-for-word the 30-paged treatment that author James Baldwin created to sell his publisher on his idea for another blockbuster book in the late 1970s when his star seemed to be waning.(Excerpts from Baldwins other works are also included.) The pitch hangs on the fact that Baldwin was friends with the three most lionized American black martyrs of the 1960s—Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, and Martin Luther King, Jr., and works its way through Baldwin’s grieving over their deaths and what each man meant to him and to the American black civil rights movement.  

Though the book was never completed (and McGraw-Hill sued Baldwin’s estate for the $200,000 advance Baldwin received), the treatment itself is its own mini-masterpiece of analysis of the black man’s plight in modern American life. Baldwin was such a character, such a force on our country’s incessantly race-obsessed scene in the 1950s and 1960s. His articles and books were devoured by the literati and bohemian crowd alike for their sharp, acerbic insights into white American consciousness. And the film shows wonderful clips of Baldwin during his heyday, most tellingly when he debated William Buckley at England’s Cambridge University in 1965 and when he appeared on the Dick Cavett show in 1968. Baldwin’s fire proves too much for his white counterparts—the lost look on the face of the typically unflappable Cavett when the incendiary Baldwin lets off a riff about how blacks are treated is alone worth the price of the ticket.  

Actor Samuel Jackson gives voice to Baldwin’s prose as a jazzy aural backdrop infuses the proceedings with a “Birth of the Cool” vibe. But the author’s prophetic vision is what dominates the film as Baldwin tells how his conscience urges him back to America from his Paris expat hangouts as the country begins its long-overdue civil rights saga. And he recounts in detail where he was and what he felt when each towering figure was gunned down and how he felt compelled to visit their wives and families after each assassination. He doesn’t speak of the toll these visits took on his own consciousness. He doesn’t need to. The pain and outrage inform every sentence of this sharp, acid script. It is a wonder that the man didn’t just self-immolate on screen, so full of passionate observation and Cassandra-like foreboding was he, desperate to make white America understand what it was doing to its own citizens and its own self. 

Of course, I was particularly taken by the photographs of Jimmy Baldwin with Medgar Evers and his children. Having now met the grieving widow and daughter, having stood on the very driveway where Evers was executed, having touched the places where the bullet entered his home and rested on the kitchen counter, I was choked with emotion to see those scenes replayed. “Why is our history so sad?” I wondered. “Why must we relive this nightmare again and again?”  

James Baldwin and Medgar Evers in the carport of the Evers home in Jackson, Mississippi, where Evers would be gunned down several months later.

 These are the questions Baldwin seems to wrestle with, as well, and his answers point not only to government policies, but to the culture itself. Baldwin, it turns out, was a film buff from an early age. And this is where the film offers some relief but also some context. We see film clips of such varied fare as Birth of a Nation (the film also makes a brief appearance in 13th), Imitation of Life, Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, as well as Doris Day’s and Gary Cooper’s works (films Baldwin hated for their sickening portrayal of pathetic white innocence). 

Baldwin’s mother and his auntie would frequently take him to the picture shows when he was young to escape their daily drudgery. There, at the age of 5, Baldwin was enthralled by a tap-dancing Joan Crawford and fell in love with Bette Davis, who possessed similar “bug eyes” just like his. He later came under the spell of his white school teacher who mentored him, brought him books to read and took him to various cultural events all over New York City. Because of her, “I could never hate white people,” he reveals, which make his dire predictions of where America is headed all the more heart-rending. “To look around America today,” he tells us from the grave, “is to make the prophets and the angels weep.”  

James Baldwin’s words writ large at the new National Museum of African American History and Culture in Washington, DC.

It's hard to tell which of these films (if any) will be showered by Oscar’s gold tonight. All three are deserving. Perhaps, as often winners are wont to say, “It’s an honor just to be nominated in such good company.” Baldwin’s takedown of Hollywood kitsch may cost Peck the Oscar; DuVernay’s rage at the institutional racism that pervades our current justice system may come on too strong for most Oscar voters (most of whom, as we well know, are not black); so perhaps it’s the languorous, complex, perfectly-attuned-to-our-times O. J. film that Edelman serves up that will win the honors. There’s also the distinct possibility that these three “race films” will cancel themselves out and one of the other two nominated films (one on autism, the other on refugees) will take home the prize.

 No matter. The Academy of Motion Pictures has finally broken through the color barrier and nominated three exceptional studies of black American life. This in itself is worthy of celebration. Perhaps now that we see the problems more clearly we can begin to make some progress? I can hear Jimmy Baldwin’s wry, hoarse, infectious, catty laugh all the way from heaven. “Don’t bet on it,” he’d say.