#i told ppl how i thought theyre amazing & can be loved & i demonstrated it then kept leaving cuz i couldn’t imagine ME in the role longterm | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

happyfanofeverything · 1 year

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about orv. i feel most like yjh in that i want someone like kdj in my life. but looking back on my history of relationships i act like kdj the most, rather than like yjh. but no one will ever pursue caring for me like yjh to kdj. yeah

#i want someone to understand everything about me and know exactly how to care for me while still acting annoyed and amused by my actions #i want someone to sweep me off my feet #i want someone to do the things i can’t for the goals we share #i want someone i trust so much i’ll follow them towards their goals i don’t know about #i want someone to expand the possibilities of my life to things i’ve never imagined #i want to trust someone to know what to do #and to tell me what to do #i want to love someone so fully i’ll do everything for them and save them and i want to actually have the ability to do so #i want to cook and clean and provide verbal and physical affection for someone as my dedicated purpose #i want to have flat affect and say things in a particular honest way and have someone accept and play on it like kdj does #i want someone to praise me #i want to hate other versions of myself so much and have someone who’ll accept that like kdj does #but #i acted extremely avoidant of receiving care and went on delusional spirals about it #i told ppl how i thought theyre amazing & can be loved & i demonstrated it then kept leaving cuz i couldn’t imagine ME in the role longterm #but…#they never stayed having faith in me and trying to care for me regardless #and if they did i messed it up myself #i’ll never get anyone to act like yjh towards my kdj ever #it feels like it’ll never happen anymore cuz none of my current interpersonal relationships are anywhere close to that #no one’s going to do all that towards me and actually be able to like yjh towards kdj #um yeah that’s what i think .#homosexuality

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