#i told myself (and my mom) that id get ahold of it one way or another

[hauntedpotat]

I'm going to a DCI show tomorrow for marching band bc we do an annual field trip for it, and there was this shirt i wanted from last year's performance that I never managed to get ahold of and now that it's been a year since the tour it's been marked down to $10 :3

I am very happy

[screamingatsquirrels]

Lol after the ex best friend saw me in walmart yesterday (i ignored her and we didnt talk at all) she blocked me on everything so now i get to tell yall fully what happened. Now that she wont see it

So on sunday, she and her bf ,who moved in qith us after them dating for only a couple months, were in their room doing crafts as some sort of date. I had my appointment to get my snake bites but there was no lyft or uber drivers out so i texted her and asked if she could take me and drop me off. Or if it was going to be interrupting them, i could reschedule. She insisted on taking me and staying with me. My appointment was supposed to be at 5:30 but the people in front of us took forever so we finally got back their arpund 6:30. As im getting pierced, her bf texts me and says "dont do this again" then calls her and starts cussing her out and shit talking me. Well we get done and go home where they get into an argument while i sit in my room. The walls are so thin i can hear him shit talking me and convincing her im a horrible person for asking for a ride. Thats around 8...around the time i blacked out. Its like i was sitting on my bed listening to all this and i blink then suddenly im in that store trying to buy a gun. I opened my phone and saw the suicide note pulled up. When i realized what was happening, i left the store and sat out front hyperventilating and in a full on panic attack trying to get ahold of her because she was my best friend. I just needed to know that someone cared and i was making the right decision by not going through with it....she never answered me. I finally found a ride to the er where they had to gove me something to calm me down. They tried calling her bc she was my emergency contact bc i trusted her completely (i have an extremely hard time trusting people) but she never answered. So they asked me if id be ok with going to a mental hospital 3 hrs away. I realized i needed serious help so i agreed. When i got there, i finally got ahold of my mom who only got one frantic text from me before i got transferred. She had been trying to reach the ex bsf too to no avail. So i finally sleep and the next day call my mom again to updage her on stuff and ask if she was ever able to get ahold of her...thats when my mom (who is dealing with the fact that she just almost lost a second child to suicide) tells me that the ex bsf made my family come move all my stuff out of our apartment and had made up lies about me saying that i threatened suicide if she didnt talk to me and that i was buying a gun to hurt her and her bf. And that she mentioned getting a restraining order against me.

She also said that if i or anyone in my family tried contacting her shed call the cops. Once i was told this and realized that the one person i fully trusted amd cared about had abandoned me when i needed her the most....i had a full on mental breakdown. I was sitting on ny bed crying and hyperventilating, rocking back and forth. I was in such an intense panic attack that nurses had to come in and sedate me. I hit such a low that i contemplated killing myself when i finally got out because now, i had no friends...she promised shed be there for me no matter what but abandoned me when things got tough.

I slowly got better from that episode and the intense sadness turned into rage and hurt. Because i did nothing to deserve her treatment of me except be mentally ill and go get help. I helped her and her bf out so much. I bought most groceries and offered to pay for an apartment for her bf until he could get on his feet. I supported both of them through their own mental breakdowns. I supported their relationship even tho i was in love with her (was. Those feelings are long gone now) now i just feel like they used me. Like they took advantage of my kindness and only pretended tk care about me. And ditched me when i could no longer be of service to them.

So, Hope (an oronic name if you ask me), you are a shitty person who only really cares about yourself. If you see this, just know that if you ever try contacting me again, you will be the one with the cops called on you. Im done with you. You hurt me in ways i never thought you were capable. I will never forgive you for gaining my trust and betraying me in one of the qorst ways. I deserve so much fucking better than a bitch like you in ny life. I hope karma bites you in the ass.

[narutoruntaylor]

Hi! So many of y’all don’t know me but I thought I’d tell you! My name is Ally! I’m 24. I live in Nashville! I’m a pastry chef in downtown Nashville for five restaurants in the gulch. I’m also a local radio host and sports journalist.

I should probably tell y’all how my love of Taylor began! I saw her when I was really little at Riverfront with my mom. I don’t remember a lot of it. Just bits and pieces but I rememvee hearing Tim McGraw on local country radio. I immediately fell in love. I remember begging for her debut album for Christmas. My dad got it for me. It was the last gift he ever gave me before my mom took me away from him.

I ended up going to Hume-Fogg high school, where Taylor filmed part of the music video for Tear Drops on My Guitar. The scene for the bedroom with the big fireplace was the theatre arts room. I sat in that fireplace the entirety of high school. I had no friends. I was barely making grades. I had severe depression from the isolation of an abusive household, physically and mentally. I went through a traumatic sexual abuse experience because of my mother knowingly putting me in a really bad position with a man I didn’t know. I sat in that fire place every day. Taylor was all I had. She was the only person I could trust. That fire places has had so many secrets whispered to it, in hopes that maybe she’d hear me, like a fairy godmother. She’s gotten me through so much.

I then went to a year of college at 17. I wasn’t ready. I was too young. I had been isolated all of high school and the second I had an ounce of freedom, I lost my mind. I drank. I fought my sexuality, that my mother was insanely against. I came home after that second semester and had to face my mother, who did nothing but yell and scream and belittle me. My adoptive dad asked me for sexual favors. I wanted to die. My depression was so bad from my home life. I couldn’t get away and my mother made sure of it. I had my phone for 15 minutes a day. I could only go to work and home. No friends were allowed to come over. I spent most of my time being forced to babysit my brother thanks ten years younger than me for no cost. No car. No license. Nothing. No way out.

We moved to Colorado and I did the only thing I could do to get away from her. I joined the navy. Right before I joined the navy, 1989 dropped. I listened to only 1989 up until the day I had to leave. I had every song memorized. I scribbled her lyrics in my notebooks at basic and a school. I scribbled her lyrics on my skin on deployment. I was countries away trying to escape my abusers with only Taylor’s words lingering on my skin, reminding me that I’d be okay, that I’m not the opinion of others.

I came back in time for the 1989 tour. I went by myself. I got a nosebleed ticket. I had friends that worked at Bridgestone. They got me to the floor. I remember standing there sobbing my eyes out for most of the concert. I remember sobbing my eyes out between the words of Taylor’s Clean speech. Two girls I didn’t even know reached out to me. They held my hands. They squeezed. They looked at me lovingly. They let me cry. They let me get out the last ten years of trauma and every lie my mother told me. I felt like everything my mother told me I was, was written on my face.

I ended up moving to Virginia not long after that. I got married. I thought I found the one. I thought he was going to be my everything but I made a stupid mistake at 20 years old. He put me in the hospital. He punched me twice, once in the face, the other cracking a rib. He shoved me off the front porch. I landed just right that I deep tissue bruised both of my heels. I couldn’t walk for what felt like forever. He put me out of work. I remember laying in that hospital bed, crying alone because I had no one. I didn’t have enough money to get home. I had no one to call. I almost had nothing. I had one thing. I had my iPod I had since middle school. I had Taylor. I felt like I listened to Clean a thousand times. I cried. I begged. I needed someone and she was the only one there yet again.

I ended up coming home to Nashville. I started to get my life back together. I started my chef career. I was paying off my medical bills. I was in a new relationship with a girl I thought was amazing. I started on my journalism degree. I never got to finish it.

I was discharged from the navy not long after for severe depression and misdiagnosed BPD. It was a mix of anxiety, trauma, and the repaution era had started. I had a taylor follow. My life was getting better. I thought. I was diagnosed with cancer not even six months later. My girlfriend broke up with me because she couldn’t handle me having cancer. I didn’t know who else to call. I was mortified. I was alone and had no where else to go, so i did the one thing I should have. I called my mom. She had never believed me about anything. Ever. Everything i said was a lie because she refused to believe what I told her. I spent my whole life begging for help, and in that moment, yet again, my mother didn’t care. She went far enough to tell me that I was faking cancer. She told all the family she could get ahold of. She beyond isolated me. She took what little family I had left. She deletes my tumblr that had a taylor follow. I had nothing. Until I found 1989 on vinyl.

1989 will forever be my favorite album because it was album I decided to become clean and i walked outof the rain. I came out clean. I left my mother behind. I left my adoptive dad behind. I left my ex husband behind. I left my cancer behind. I left everything that dragged me down behind.

Taylor for over a decade had been the only person ever there for me through anything. What I would give just to hug her and tell her thank you for literally keeping me alive. I owe her my life. I really do. Because of her, I knew it’d get better. Because of her, I’m sitting here typing this out, breathing, alive, living. I’m a pastry chef full time, I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the planet who never left my side. I’m okay now. I promise. It’s just been a long road and I thought I should share my story for those that don’t know me.

There’s so many little things that I didn’t even tell y’all that connect me with this woman. I love her. I love her so so so much. My world fell apart and there was nothing I could do about it, but through all of itC she stayed. She kept writing. She kept giving me words of hope and inspiration. I’m now doing better than I ever was.

I love you guys. Thank you for always being here for me. Idk what id do without y’all and taylor. Y’all are sincerely the best and deserve the best. I feel like my words are all jumbled but thank you for reading! 💛✨🌻

[shhh-no-ones-home]

confessions vinny mauro x reader

+++++++++ I haven't shown him enough love ya know?

also this feels almost tragic at first but i promise it isnt, oof

Song: help by papa roach +++++++++

i rang vinny and he didnt answer again. it was the third day in a row. i knew he was on tour but he didnt exactly make a point to call me back or anything either. i sighed and rubbed my forehead as his voicemail lady sang through my ears her little spiel.

"look vinny, ive been trying to get ahold of you and i just wanted to let you know that ive been thinking more and more about what you told me before you left. for some reason i cant get it out of my head and i want you to know that my feelings are mutual. i like you too. hell i think its more than that."

i paused for a second before bringing the phone down and hitting the nine button.

"message erased."

said the lady and i hung up the phone again. i set my phone on the coffee table in front of me and put my head in my hands. why couldnt i just tell him? he practically poured his heart out to me before he left. the sad thing was i didnt even respond, i just told him id miss him. why didnt i tell him? maybe its cause i wasnt sure about how i felt at the time. maybe its cause i needed to miss him first. i moved to get up off the couch when my phone started ringing. it was him. i froze for a second, should i answer it? of course i should. i clicked answer and put it to my ear. there was laughter for a second.

"hey y/n hows it going? sorry i missed your call, we were busy."

he sounded so happy and here i was beyond nervous and feeling kind of miserable myself.

"oh, i hope im not bothering you then."

i tried to hide the small tinge of hurt in my voice.

"you could never bother me y/n, whats up?"

i stood up and paced in front of my couch.

"uh, um, actually i just wanted to see how tour was going? ive missed you a lot since you left. your instagram stories have kinda been keeping me happy at least."

he laughed a little.

"its been going great actually. we are almost home, doing one final show in penn state and then home free. my moms thrilled."

i drew my brows together.

"im glad to hear that but didnt you guys start here?"

"well yeah but our last show is somewhere else. hey, you wanna come? i could get you a crew pass and you could come hang out and see us play."

i ran my hand through my hair.

"are you sure thats a good idea? i wouldnt want to be in the way or anything."

"nonsense it would be fun, and we could hang out on the bus afterwards."

"uh yeah, okay, where do i need to be?"

°°°°°°°°°

i was escorted backstage by a large security guard who stood with me in the doorway of the guys dressing room.

"oh hey y/n."

chris greeted me as he put his ear pieces in to go out on stage. i waved.

"hey chris, its nice to see you again."

he nodded.

"vinny your girl is here!"

he called and i shifted uncomfortably, the guard still not having left. then vinny came walking in quickly from a doorway across the room.

"y/n, oh my god, im so glad you actually came."

he wrapped me in a tight hug and the security guard sent me a look before walking away.

"i was really worried about that text you sent me this morning."

he pulled away and held my hands in his, i tried my best to smile at him.

"yeah i was too, but i feel much better now."

that was a lie, i was still so nervous, he didnt know that though. what did i have to be nervous about?

"you ready to stand side stage to the greatest show on earth?"

i smiled at him.

"you have Hugh jackman hiding somewhere?"

i joked.

"haha, very funny."

chris laughed at least.

"im kidding, i cant wait to see you guys play."

°°°°°°°°°

after the set he walked to me and i wrapped him in a big hug.

"you guys did great!"

he spun me around.

"and would ya look at that, you still want to hug me even though im all sweaty."

i kissed his cheek as he set me back down.

"of course ill hug you when your all sweaty, what kind of friend would i be?"

he wrapped his arm loosely around my waist and walked us back to the dressing rooms.

"a good one id say, but i was kinda hoping for a little bit more considering how i left you before tour."

he let me go and i stood in front of him.

"actually vinny ive been thinking about that. i couldnt tell you how many times ive called you and tried to leave messages since you left and just ended up deleting them."

he looked at me a little confused as he fiddled with his drum sticks.

"what do you mean?"

i looked down and played with my finger tips.

"it always seems to be the same message but i can never bring myself to let it get sent."

i grabbed his hand and pulled him to the couch to sit with me.

"i still dont think i understand."

i rubbed my hands over my jeans.

"it took me missing you to actually figure it out but i really like you too vinny, as like, more than friends."

he smiled widely at me.

"i wasnt so sure before, like when you sat me down two months ago and just told me how you felt, i was so scared. i didnt really know what to do cause i think deep down i knew already, but youve been gone so long and not seeing you just killed me. and part of me thinks thats why i didnt say anything sooner, because i really like you. but i dont know if i could handle not seeing you when you leave."

he looked down at his lap, trying to process what i said.

"we could make it work i think."

he looked up at me and offered a small smile.

"but what about when youre gone?"

he shrugged.

"what about when im not? doesnt it make it that much more special?"

i hadnt thought of that before. i guess he had a point.

"y/n will you be my girlfriend? despite youre doubts?"

i looked him in the eyes and nodded, smiling at him.

"yeah, vinny, of course i will."

he cupped my cheek and kissed me gently.

"i love you y/n"

i kissed him again.

"i love you too vin."

[buggaboorenegade]

Hey, how have you been?

honestly, as of writing this answer, I haven't been good at all. I've been dealing with postpartum depression that's more or less going into postpartum psychosis. it's to the point that i fear that ill end up wanting to hurt my three week old newborn and so i have to have constant help taking care of him. i don't even have him in my room at night when ive got him. i was always told when i was pregnant with him that i was going to be a shitty, horrible mother. i had to switch him to formula because i was practically starving him because i wasn't giving him enough when i nursed. and today, whoooooo boy. today was a completely fucking train wreck that took a hit on me so hard. my fucking.. whatever he is (might still be my partner idfka) decided to call the popo on my mom because let her have her grandson for a night and told him that i would pick the child up tomorrow since i had to go to town anyway. well after that whole bullshit went down, i went to find out how to get emergency custody of my own damn kid.. then just earlier the staties showed up because my doctor has been trying to get ahold of me with no luck and then about an hour or so after they left a CYS worker dropped by. but before they came by mr. fuckhead decided to play the most fucked up mind game ever - he called me all pissed off because i made some decisions for myself and he wouldn't believe me so he decided to tell me that his ring was off and we were done. i had my son napping next to me and i had to call my mom to come back over to the house. i broke down so hard i woke my son up from his nap and nearly lost my lunch. after i calmed down i went to check my phone and saw i had a message from the fuckhead saying he still had his ring on and he only said what he said on call to see how id react. i have my ring still on, just on another finger. im so fucking torn about everything that i just cant function the way i used to. i was evicted the day i came home from the hospital and lost everything because we couldn't fit it all in his car. only things i have now are the baby's things, three shirts, a few undergarnments, one sweater, one jacket, two pillows, a blanket, my phone and its things, my computer with no mouse or charge cord, my heirloom ring, my class ring, my bowling ball, my sneakers, and my lamp and cosplay stuff and a picture of me and a friend at CCE last year. i had so many clothes, so much art stuff, an xbox and a shit ton of games, so many dvds and vhs tapes, books and jewelry my grandma gave me.. so much stuff just gone because we couldn't make a second trip to get what we left behind. my credit is fucked, i can't pay my phone bill..

in short, everything is going downhill so fast that im more of a wreck than i was before and it doesnt seem to be getting any better. only reason i havent left yet is because of my son, michael. hes the honest only reason im still here right now. people say he looks like me when i was born.. funny thing is i look like my grandma when she was born and little. look at him, though. i cant leave him for someone else to care for..

[themoonandotherslikeit]

The Look in Her Eyes- Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One, A Bad Deal

Dean

It was over. We killed the demon we had been hunting our whole lives. It was over, but at what cost?

I held Ava in my arms. Azazel said she was pregnant. I closed her eyes and pulled her to my chest. He had to be lying.

"Dean." Sam said with a shaking voice as he walked toward me.

I cradled Ava against my chest. I should have listened to my Dad. Made her stay behind. She should have never come along.

She was my responsibility. She was family. I never told her how important she was. She died afraid.

I put a bullet in her chest. There would be no forgiveness for that.

"Son." Dad walked to me. "Let's go."

I shook my head.

I couldn't move. I was covered in her blood. I looked down at her flat stomach. She couldn't have been. Not that it mattered. She was gone.

"Come on." Sam said, touching my arm.

"Ava."

"Let's take her home." Sam offered.

"What home?" I asked angrily.

"To Bobby's." Dad said. "He will want to say goodbye."

I shook my head, scooping her into my arms as I stood. "No one is saying goodbye."

She was my responsibility. I pulled her into bed. If I stayed an ass she would've left. This was my fault. I had to fix it.

"Dean!" Sam called after me.

I didn't realize I was running until I got to the Impala. I laid her in the back seat. I shrugged out of my jacket and laid it over her. If it weren't for all the blood she may have looked like she was sleeping, but I knew better.

I looked up to find Sammy almost caught up. I couldn't let him stop me. I shut the door and got in the drivers seat. I pulled out onto the road and I started to drive.

"Can we just stay here forever?" Ava asked, resting on my chest. She ran her finger along my tattoo. She was tracing the image.

"I'd like that." I agreed. I ran my fingers down her spine.

"We can't." She sighed and kissed my chest.

"You're wishy washy."

"I'm a realist." She smiled against my skin. "Forever is impossible."

"Dark."

"Mhm. Nothing lasts forever, Dean. We only have today."

My head was spinning.

I didn't deserve her. I always knew that, but I wanted to be with her anyway. Selfish.

I could picture her, for just a second, with a big round belly. "Dean! No pictures!"

I'd smile. "Shh you're beautiful."

Maybe we could still have it. Maybe this wasn't the end. Maybe we could have tomorrow.

Sam

"Dean!" I screamed as he got into the car. Dad and I were a few feet behind him as he drove away. "Damn it!"

"He's being reckless."

I turned to Dad and shook my head. "I can't believe you."

"Excuse me?"

I shook my head. "You told him to kill her."

"She was possessed. Collateral damage."

I stopped and stared at him. "He's in love with her. You did all of this because you love Mom. So how can you not understand him wanting to protect Ava? Both of us wanting to protect her."

Dad frowned. "I would never bring someone else into this life. Not after knowing what I know. That's what I don't respect."

"Well it's over now." I sighed, shaking my head. "You know, we have spent all this time looking for you, but we may be better off alone."

"I don't know, Son. Maybe you would be." He met my eyes. "We need to catch up with your brother before he does something stupid."

"He won't. He probably just needs some time. He needs to say goodbye."

Dad laughed, and it startled me.

"What's so funny?"

"You boys think you know each other so well. Dean has never openly loved anyone. You claim he's in love with her and you really believe he isn't going to try like hell to bring her back?"

I stared at his amused expression. He looked like Dean, and his smug attitude pissed me off more. The worst part, though, is he could be right. "Let's go to Bobby's. He will meet us there."

We walked for half an hour before finding a car to steal. We made it back to Dads car and headed to Bobby's. It was a long and quiet ride. Dad drove so I tried to get ahold of Dean.

It was going straight to voicemail. The longer he didn't answer the more sick to my stomach I felt.

Please don't do something that can't be undone.

Dean

I pulled up to a four way stop and threw the drivers side door open. I opened the trunk to the Impala, and dug around until I found a small wooden box. Inside held a box of graveyard dirt, and a few small bones. I took out one of my fake ID's and tossed it into the box.

I crouched in the middle of where the roads connected, and I dug a small hole. I sat the box in it, and covered it with dirt. My palms were flat against the ground. What would she say if she knew? Maybe she's would never have to find out. I probably won't live more than ten years anyway. Maybe we won't even be together anymore by then. If I was smart I'd set her and the kid free. If there even is a kid. I felt nauseous thinking about it.

I stood up and took a deep breath. "Daemon, esto subjecto voluntati meae."

"Dean Winchester. Color me surprised." A female voice said from behind me.

I turned to find a young blonde, probably no more than 18. My stomach clenched at the sight. She was just a kid.

"I want to make a deal."

"Of course you do." She said coolly, stepping toward me. "I heard that you killed Azazel." She examined her nails, like she was bored. "I heard it came at a cost."

I clenched my fist at my side and nodded. "He said my girlfriend was pregnant." I said quietly. I didn't want to ask, but I had to make sure that the deal included the kid if it existed.

The demon laughed quietly. "Oh, sweetie. Dean Winchester, a father? It's ridiculous, isn't it?"

"I'm not here to play around."

"Of course not, darling."

"Can you tell me if it's true? Was she pregnant?"

She raised an eyebrow. "The one in the car?"

My back straightened. "Yes."

"She was."

It felt like all the air was knocked out of my chest. "Dean, do demons ever tell the truth?" I was going to be a father. That was something I never thought I'd have. Something I never allowed myself to want. Was I really going to bring a kid into this shit show?

My head was spinning.

"I want you to bring her and the baby back."

The demon pressed her fingers to her lips to stifle a laugh. "Of course you do, but the thing is, Dean, you don't have anything I want."

"Sure I do. My soul."

"The soul of a Winchester. Sounds... tasty." She winked at me.

"So, do we have a deal? You bring her and the baby back, and after ten years you can collect my soul."

The demon looked surprised, and flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder. "You've gotta be joking."

"I'm not. What is so goddamn funny?"

"We aren't supposed to be dealing with you at all let alone allow you to live for ten more years? No. Not happening."

"Fine." I gritted my teeth. What could I afford? "8 years." She shook her head. I swallowed hard. "Six?"

"Sweetie, you don't understand. It isn't your soul I want, exactly, we want our people to stop dying. You're a hunter, so therefore you're a real problem. So no. I won't give you time. You have no time right now, so what right do you have to negotiate?"

"Three years." I sounded like a was begging. Maybe I was.

"I'll give you six months. Six months of bliss with your baby momma and then my hounds will come for you. That's the best I can do." She pursed her lips. "And I'm only being that sweet because you look so damn pathetic."

Six months. I would never meet our child. Maybe it was for the best. I could see Ava's pale body in the backseat. Her slit throat was ingrained in my brain.

"But I will be watching you, Winchester. Try anything funny. Try to get out of dying, and she will be rotting at your feet." The Demon promised.

"Deal." I said, fighting the burning in my eyes as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine.

She was gone in an instant, and I turned to jog back to the car. I flung open the back seat to find Ava sitting up slowly. "Hey." I whispered.

"Hey." She croaked, her voice was raw. "What happened?"

I pulled her into my arms. I felt the warmth of her skin, and her heartbeat in her neck below my fingers. I could feel the hot tears roll down my cheeks, but I couldn't stop them.

"Dean," She murmured stroking my back. "What's wrong? Is Sam...?"

"Sam's fine." I finally said after a moment. "Everyone's fine." I pulled back so I could look at her. She was still covered in blood but her neck wound was healed. I ran my fingers through her hair and along her cheek before pulling her into a kiss.

She smiled and kissed me back before pulling back. "Then what's wrong? What happened? It's all really foggy."

"The demon had you." I told her, stroking the back of her neck. "We managed to do the exorcism."

"So, you didn't kill it?"

"No, we uh, we got it at the last minute. Apparently the colt works on the smoke, too."

"That's great!" She mused, her blue eyes lighting up.

"Let's get you cleaned up, and then I'd like to get you checked out at the ER."

"Why? I feel fine." She shrugged.

I chewed the inside of my cheek. How could I bring it up? I took her hands in mine. "The demon just... he said some things about you. I just want to make sure you're okay."

She looked at her shirt that was stiff from dried blood. "Said stuff about what? Whose blood is this?"

"It's not yours. It's okay." I assured her.

"What are you not telling me?" She asked, pulling her hands away.

My head dipped. I didn't know how to say it. It was all coming out wrong. "He said.." I took a deep breath and met her eyes. "He said you were pregnant."

The color drained from her face. "I..." tears welled up in her eyes. "I missed my period, but I just thought it was from the stress. The travel. All the jobs... I just felt out of whack." Her hand covered her mouth to stifle her shocked expression.

"Hey, hey. It's okay I've got you." I steadied her with my hands. "I'm here for you. We are in this together." I had to be strong for her, but I was fucking terrified.

"What are we going to do?"

"One step at a time." I said, rubbing her arms. "Let's go by the doctor and see what we are dealing with."

"Dealing with?" She laughed and wiped a tear from her cheek. "This isn't a case, Dean. It's not that easy."

"We slay vamps, and kill demons. We can handle this." I lied, kissing her forehead.

"Where's John and Sam? Do they know?"

"They heard him say it, but none of us were sure if he was telling the truth." I admitted.

"There's still a chance, then." She exhaled.

"A chance for what?" I tilted her chin up with my fingers.

"That this is all a dream."

————————

We stopped by a motel and got her all showered, and changed.

I felt like a stalker standing outside of the bathroom, but I needed to hear her movements. I needed to know that she was alive, that this wasn't a dream. Things were strained between us. The idea of her being pregnant was sending Ava spinning. She took twice as long as she normally did in the shower.

I did this to her.

I glanced at my phone to find seven missed calls from Sam. He was freaking out, but I couldn't call him back yet. I couldn't let him know what I did.

Ava dried her hair and we headed to the doctor. We were lucky and a local OB resident had the afternoon free. I wanted to hold her hand when we walked into the clinic, but her hands were buried in her jacket pockets. She was shifting nervously as she filled out the paperwork.

"Ava Langston." The nurse called after a painstakingly long wait.

I stood up next to her.

"You're coming?" She asked self consciously.

"Yeah... if you want me to."

"Okay." She said quietly.

The nurse was chatting away as she measured Ava's weight, and height. "Doc wants you to give us an urine sample." She said calmly as she handed Ava the cup. "I'll take Dad down the hall. We are in room 34 all the way at the end to the right."

Ava looked sick to her stomach, and I didn't want to leave her. "It's okay." I said touching her arm.

She avoided my eyes, but nodded. I never witnessed her like that. She always seemed fearless, but as she walked into the bathroom she looked unbelievably small.

"So, is this your first?" The nurse asked as she ushered me into the examination room.

"Yeah." I grunted.

"That's so exciting!"

I raised an eyebrow. At least someone was excited. "We aren't even sure if she's pregnant." I said carefully.

"I see a lot of couples come in that try not to be excited, because of the risks early on. If something happens you'll be let down anyway. I think the positivity helps the fetus develop. It's a gift from God, after all."

God. I wasn't sure he even existed, but I knew he didn't give a shit about me. Otherwise we wouldn't be here, not like this.

Ava

I stared at the empty cup in my hands. How did this happen? I knew why.

His hands were on my skin. Tracing my tattoo. My heart was racing as his lips touched mine. "You taste like Vodka."

"You taste like wine."

Dean wasn't the father type. He wasn't the kind to stick around and change diapers. He was a good man, but he was a hunter. He would never stop. If he did, would he even still be Dean?

I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I wasn't ready for everything to change. I sighed, and positioned the cup. I filled it to the line and slid it into the trap door in the wall. After washing my hands I made it to the room. "All done." I smiled weakly.

"Let's get your blood pressure!" The peppy nurse said after ushering me to sit on the exam table. She pressed the two Velcro pieces together and it started to squeeze. "It's a little high." She commented. "No need to be nervous."

I smiled weakly. "I'll try."

"So from your paperwork I estimate you're about 6 weeks give or take."

"Is my... sample back? Do we have confirmation?"

"Doctor will bring that in." She said sweetly. "Go ahead and get undressed from the waist down. We will do a transvaginal ultrasound since you're so early. Press the green button when you're done. She will be in to see you soon."

The nurse closed the door and left Dean, and I alone. The air was thick. It grew thicker when he turned away so I could get undressed. I felt sick.

I dropped my jeans and sat on the table, covering myself with the sheet that was provided. I clicked the green button. "I'm covered." I said quietly.

He turned to me with a small smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Not good." I admitted.

His eyes widened in alarm. "What's wrong? Do you feel sick? Weak?"

"Just nervous." I clarified. "This wasn't exactly in the plan, was it?"

He shook his head. "Not exactly." We sat in silence for a moment before he stood. His mouth opened, "Ava I..."

There was a quick rap at the door before the OB opened the door. "Hello, Ava? I'm Doctor Ross." She offered her hand to me, and I took it. "And this is?"

"This is Dean." I said weakly. "My...my..." My tongue couldn't form words.

"Her boyfriend." Dean said with an award winning smile. He shook her hand.

He didn't sit back down. He just hovered next to me.

Doctor Ross looked between us, and then made eye contact with me again. "According to your urine sample you do have the HGC hormone."

"What does that mean?" Dean asked wringing his fingers.

"It means I'm pregnant." I said, defeated. "Right?"

"These tests are very precise, but we will see more with the ultrasound. Ava go ahead and put your legs on the stirrups." She wheeled the ultrasound machine over and flicked the light.

I slid my feet into the stirrups and felt the cool breeze between my legs. My heart was pounding and my eyes were filling with tears.

"I'm going to insert the instrument. You'll feel some pressure."

I looked up to find Dean studying my face. His hand rested near mine, with his palm up. I grabbed it and laced my fingers with his just as the wand slid between my legs. I gasped and squeezed his hand. I clamped my eyes shut.

He touched my arm with his free hand, and I opened my eyes. I just needed a single look. I needed to memorize his features. Our time was limited. I knew he would run out of the clinic like it was on fire. We had an expiration date.

"Alright." Doctor Ross said, with a smile. "Take a look." She said, pointing to the screen.

It all looked very dark and alien, but we both looked. She moved the wand around until she got a good view.

"See that? That's your uterus. That's the yoke sack." She smiled making a few clicks. "And that's your baby. Six weeks along just like we anticipated."

My heart dropped. It looked sort of like a peanut. I heard Dean suck in his breath and squeeze my hand tightly. I turned to look at him. In the light from the screen I could see a tear rolling down his cheek as he leaned forward to get a better look. "That?" He asked, pointing. "That's our baby?"

Doctor Ross smiled. "Yes, Dean. That's your baby."

He looked down at me with a huge grin and then back at Doctor Ross. "Can you tell if it's a boy or a girl?"

I laughed a little, wiping my own tears.

"It's a little early." The doctor said with a smile.

"Oh." He said, looking disappointed.

"You'll know in about six weeks."

"That's not that long." He said, grinning again. He leaned down and kissed my hair. "Right?"

"Right." I agreed softly.

"Do you two want some images?"

"Yes." Dean said before I could. "Can we have a lot? I think my brother would like a copy."

"Sure." She said with a smile. She captured the image on her screen and removed the wand. "I'll give you two a minute. You can get the images from the front desk. I want to see you back in six weeks, Ava. So make the appointment while you're there."

"Okay."

She flipped on the light and shut the door behind her. I sat up, letting my legs hang over the edge of the exam table. "You want this."

"I was trying to keep it cool." He said quietly before taking both my hands in his. "But, yeah. I do. As long as it's what you want."

I couldn't hold it in anymore. My mouth opened to speak and a sob erupted from my lips. I could feel hot tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Hey." Dean said, sitting next to me. He wrapped his strong arms around me and let me cry into his chest. After a few minutes I was able to calm back down. I looked up at him, with fuzzy tear filled eyes. "What do you want?"

"I want this. I want all of it. I don't know how we are going to do it, but I want to try."

He grinned widely and pressed his lips to mine.

In the moment, in our own little bubble, everything seemed like it would work out. It felt like we could do anything.

He pulled away and touched my stomach.

"It feels weird." I said quietly.

"It feels right." He whispered back.

—————

Chapter Twenty-Two, Better Man

Get caught up!

Forever Tag List:

@foreverwayward

@xjamiedennettx

[maealbert]

The BAU Princess (Part 4)

Multiple Part Fiction Characters: Emily Prentiss x OC (Avalanna)

A/N: Feels like forever since I posted anything for any of my MPFs. I wanted to focus more on my short AUs and Song Fictions. Speaking of which, master list is updated!! Woohoo!

Master List

(previous parts of TBAUP)

Avalanna rushes down the hallway. Her heart pounding in her chest. Her breathing uneven. She had the end of her dress balled up inside her clenched fists to make sure she didn’t trip as she ran. Reaching the staircase she grabbed hold of the railing as she held onto the ends of her dress in her other hand. Her light footsteps hitting the cold, granite steps as she ascended the stairs to the second floor. Swinging around the second banister she ran up the second flight of stairs to the third floor. Reaching the third floor she rushed down the hallway. Running behind her were the guards. They hurried behind her, their swords drawn at their sides ready to fight if necessary.

“Keep running Princess. Don’t stop until you reach the safe room.” One of the guards spoke. Avalanna nodded her head as she turned around to keep running. Reaching the end of the hallway, she threw open the wooden door and disappeared into the room on the other side of the doors. Reaching of staircases that only led down, she raced down them. The back of her dress flowing behind her. Reaching the bottom she rushed across the courtyard. Gun shots rang through the air. One bullet flew past her into the bushes alongside the concrete path. She screamed as she kept running keeping her head low. Looking ahead she could see the stone wall. A metal door was beginning to open.

“Princess!” She heard one of the maids call from the door. “Princess hurry!” They said waving their arms frantically in the air. Reaching the door the maids pulled her in as Tatum closed the door shut and locking all the dead bolts.

“Are you okay, Princess?” He asked as he led Avalanna down another staircase.

“I nearly got hit but a bullet, Tatum.” She spoke. “What is going on?”

“Paulo’s kingdom heard of his arrest. His brother, now crowned King, has sent troops to come after you and your father.”

“I had nothing to do with his arrest.” Avalanna said as she collapsed onto the sofa.

“But you were there so they’re automatically going to think that you had something to do it. After all you were to marry Paulo.”

“If only they knew about what he had done.” Avalanna said. “Where is my father?”

“Right here sweetheart.” Louis said walking out of the little kitchen.

“Has mother been contacted yet?” Avalanna asked.

“Samson is currently trying to get ahold of her. He’s been told that the team has been called out to Alaska. So cell service is pretty spotty there. But he’s doing everything he can to let her know that you are safe.”

A loud boom could be heard outside. Everyone inside the safe room could hear yelling outside. “They’ve gotten inside.” Tatum said running into the safe room. “We must get you all out of here.”

“Take Avalanna. Get her as far away as you can from here.”

“No, Pai I won’t leave you.” Ava said as she grabbed her father’s hands.

“You must leave, sweetheart. It is not safe here for you. You must leave.”

“What about you? Will you find us?”

“I must protect my kingdom, Princess.”

“What about me? I am your daughter!”

“I am protecting you but sending you away, Ava. You must listen to me.”

“Come, Princess. We must go.” Tatum said as he took hold of Ava’s hand.

“I promise I will find you.” Louis said as he quickly left a kiss on Ava’s forehead. “Now go. Samson and Tatum will be taking you somewhere safe.”

Tatum pulled Ava away from her father and up a different staircase to the back of the building. There awaited a car ready to leave once they climbed inside. “Have you gotten ahold of my mother yet?” Avalanna asked Samson as soon as they got inside the car.

“I am still trying, Princess.” Samson said as he hung up the phone. “I will try again once we get to the airport. They be heading back to the DC any minute now. According to Ms. Garcia, they just closed the case a few hours ago.”

Suddenly his phone began to ring. He picked it up from his lap and looked at the caller ID. He immediately handed to the phone to Avalanna. Looking at the caller ID herself she saw her mother’s name. “Mom!” She exclaimed.

“I just got Garcia’s voicemail. Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m okay. We’re heading to the airport. I don’t know where we are heading.”

“You’re coming here to DC, Ava. You’re gonna be put into the protection program. I will have to explain everything to you, Samson, and Tatum once you three land in DC.” Emily said as she rushed into her office.

“Hey Em, we’re all going out to get some drinks. Want to join?” JJ asked as she stepped into Emily’s office.

“Not tonight, JJ. I need to take care of some things. Do we still have the safe house in Lexington?” Emily said as she skimmed her phone book.

“Yeah, why? Everything okay?”

“Ava’s is on her way to the airport. They’re gonna be flying here to DC.”

“What’s going on?”

“The palace was overtaken by Paulo’s men. His brother, the new King, is calling for the death of Louis and the arrest of Ava. He blames them for the arrest and death of Paulo.”

Emily soon could hear Ava screaming through the phone. “No! Mom! Somebody! Help me!”

“Forget the safe house.” Emily said. “Get the jet ready. I’m going to Navein.” Emily said as she grabbed her go-bag and ran out of her office.”

“Well then we’re coming with you.” JJ said as she followed Emily.

“You have to go home to Will and your kids.”

“Will will understand. Their lives aren’t at stake right now. Ava is in danger.”

“JJ, I can’t let you all come with me.”

“Everything okay?” Spencer asked as he joined the two women at the elevator.

“Ava’s been taken by Paulo’s men.” JJ explained.

“Well we gotta go.”

“No..” Emily said shaking her head. “Your mom needs you here. I’m not risking any of your lives.”

“We risks our lives every day, Emily.” Luke said as he slung his bag over his shoulder.

“We help each other when our families are in danger.” JJ said. “You saved Will from being blown up at the last second.”

“Emily, there’s no point in arguing any further.” Rossi said as he joined the group. “We’re a team. We fight together and we keep each other safe.”

“Let’s go then..” Emily said giving in.

Avalanna forced her eyes to open. Sitting up she rubbed her head. Her head hurt. She looked around to find herself in her own palace’s dungeon. Standing up she hurried over to the cell bars. “Hello?!” She called. “Can anyone hear me?”

“You’re awake Princess.” She heard a male’s voice sound from down the hallway. She listened to his footsteps as they got closer to the cell. A man stepped into the light. “Bom dia, Avalanna.”

“Ponlo...” She growled through her teeth. “Why are you doing this to us?”

“Your father ceased my brother. I am simply getting revenge.”

“Where is my father?”

“Ava!” She heard Louis call from the hallway. “Ava, are you okay?”

“Pai!”

“I caught your father first before sending my men after your car.”

“I had nothing to do with Paulo’s arrest. Please, you have to believe me. He killed our people and sold most of them into slavery. Ponlo, your brother is an evil man. Why are you taking his side?”

“I am my brother’s keeper.” Ponlo simply answered before walking away.

“No! Ponlo! Come back here! Ponlo!” Ava screamed after him. “Please don’t do this!” But the door closed behind him.

“There’s no use in fighting them, Ava.” Louis spoke from his cell.

“But Pai, we have to do something. We can’t just sit back and do nothing.”

“What other choice do we have? We’re locked in our own dungeon. There is nothing we can do to protect our people.”

“I am not giving up so soon. Those are our people out there being overrun by Ponlo and Shilo Kingdom! We can’t lose our people to them!”

“Ava, I am ordering you to stay out of this. You will get yourself killed. I’m sure your mother is on her way.” Louis tried to convince Ava. But she wouldn’t listen to him. At the point there no more ordering her around. He had no power over her right now. He was powerless himself with Ponlo taking over their kingdom. Looking around the dungeon she noticed the keys dangling above her jail cell. Climbing up the bars she stuck out her arm and reached out until her fingertips reached the metal of the key ring. “Ava, there’s use in trying to set yourself free. You’ll free yourself from the cell but he’ll take you.”

“I have to save our people, father.” She reached back up for the keys and successfully latched her index finger around the key ring. Pulling it off the hook she hopped down from the bars and hurried over the lock. “Which one is it father?”

“I will not let you risk losing your life, Avalanna.” Her father protested.

“Dammit, Father!! Those are our people out there! They need us! So either you help me get out of here or I will go through every single key to find the right one and free myself.” She stared long and hard at him. The keys dangling in her hands. He sighed leaning against the jail cell bars.

“The small silver one. It has the family crest carved into it...” He said not making eye contact with her.

“Now was that so hard?” Ava said as she unlocked the cell doors and pushed them open.

“You keep becoming more and more like your mother.” He said shaking his head.

“Well I am her daughter after all.” She said laughing. Walking over to her father’s jail cell she unlocked the doors and pushed them open to let him out. “Now let me see your gun.”

“I am not letting you use my gun.” Louis said.

“Come on, father.”

“I am not letting my daughter use my gun.”

“Than good, she can use mine.” Avalanna turned around to see Emily standing in the doorway at the bottom of the dungeon staircase. Emily walked over to the two of them. “I came as soon as I heard distress from the phone call.” She explained as she pulled out a small pistol from her boot. “Learned from a former agent that you should always carry a backup gun in case you need it.” She handing the pistol to Ava. “My team is just at the top of the staircase keeping a look out.”

“How many dead?” Ava asked. “Of our people?

“Six that we’ve seen and counted so far.”

“And Ponlo’s men?”

“There’s seventeen total. Six killed by my team. We’re still searching for the other eleven while Garcia is using thermal imaging to find Ponlo.”

“I’ll head up to the team.” Louis said. “You take Avalanna out the back way of the dungeon. She’ll know where to go from there to get outside.”

“Got it.” Emily said as she reached for her vest. “JJ, I’m taking Avalanna the back way. Louis is on his way up to you guys. Get him out of here and to the helicopter.”

“Copy that, Prentiss.” JJ responded back.

“We’ll meet you at the helicopter.” Louis said as he kissed Avalanna’s forehead. “Stay safe and listen to you mother.”

“I’m not leaving my people behind!” Avalanna exclaimed. “I refuse to let them suffer because of our mistakes.”

“Avalanna, we are going to fight over this again.”

“How can you just leave our people behind like this?! They need us to fight for them!”

“It’s too late, Avalanna.” Louis said. “Please... We must get out of here. There is nothing more we can do.”

“We can fight, Father! And that is what I am going to do!” Avalanna said as she picked up the ends of her dress and ran for the stairs.

“Avalanna!” Louis called. “Avalanna Emilia!” She got to the top of the stairs and pushed the doors open.

“Excuse me.” She said sliding past the agents. She started running down the hallway until she reached the end. Turning left she followed the pictures of soldiers on the walls until she got to the large, wooden door. She stopped outside the door upon hearing voices. Pulling the safety off of the pistol, she pushed open the door and shot each person she saw. She watched each of Ponlo’s men fall to the ground and a pool of blood surrounded their bodies.

Tearing off her dress and corset she grabbed her training uniform from the closet and slipped it on before grabbing a bigger gun and strapping it to her waist. She walked over to the one of the men and drew his sword from the holster and slipped it into her own.

“Avalanna, you’re making a mistake.” She turned around as she tied her hair up into a ponytail. Emily stood in the doorway. “You can’t do this.”

“Well I just killed six of Ponlo’s men.” She said walking over to the door. “I made to be trained in case something like this happened or if I ever needed to defend myself.”

“Ava, please. I can’t let you risk your life.”

Avalanna stopped in the hallway and looked up at her father’s picture hanging on the wall. In the photo he was standing next to his brother, the late Prince Enzo, the leader of the Naveinian Royal Army.

“I know Enzo trained you as you grew older behind your father’s back.” Emily said. “Penelope found articles on him and books on how great he is.”

“Then you will know how great I am.” Avalanna said still looking at the picture. “He never went easy on me because I was his niece or the Princess and future Queen. He was tough on me. Kept me going even when I was bruised and cut. He told me that strength is better than weakness and that it is always mind over matter. If your mind is still going than it will keep your body moving and it will never let you down. Your mind is your greatest asset. You must use to be strategic.”

“But this isn’t your fight.” Emily spoke as she walked closer to Avalanna.

Avalanna spun around shooting her a glare. “If that were your family and friends suffering out there, wouldn’t you fight for them?”

“This is different, Avalanna. You can die if you make the wrong move.”

“I don’t care.” Avalanna said keeping her eyes trained on Emily’s eyes. “I may be a girl and I may be a Princess but I know how to fight and keep my ground. I will not lose my kingdom to a low life, self centered, spawn of the devil, son of a bitch.” She said before turning around and heading down the hallway.

Part four is up and I really hoped you liked this one! If you did then please be sure to like, reblog, and leave your feedback! :)

[lux-i-fer]

In Sickness and Hell

Synopsis: Sickness never bothered Lucifer until it got ahold of Chloe.

Ao3 link

Rating: T

Notes: Sorry it's so short but that's life guys. I constantly apologize to my beta because I am needy (and self aware) so here's my chapter-ly apology to her for being myself. Anyways if you find any mistakes let me know because I was putting this up while watching the new Sherlock (AND OH MY GOD THAT PLOT TWIST?!) I hope the next chapter will be longer; this was so short because Writer's Block and I felt bad for not putting anything out in a while. So thus: short chapter. Also there is a small Easter Egg as to what Chloe's new illness was, did any of you find it? Let me know in the comments. ;)

Chapter Number: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Lucifer didn’t even feel his feet begin to move faster. One moment he was perfectly fine and the next he was rushing to Chloe’s room. Faces and shouts blurred together. The fear he thought he felt not even a day ago blinded him.

He snatched the first nurse he saw by the arm.

“Room 203-- what is happening?” he demanded.

The nurse shrugged Lucifer’s hand off. “Sir--”

“Don’t sir me. Tell me what is going on.”

“I’m not sure--” Lucifer’s rage sparked. He grabbed the front of the nurse’s scrubs and drug him closer.

“ Not good enough.”

Before he could punish the incompetent man, Maze grabbed his arm hard enough to bruise. Lucifer snarled as the nurse scuttled off.

“ What Mazikeen? Did you not see I was busy?” He hissed through clenched teeth. He didn’t even try to hide his anger this time. Instead, Lucifer made an effort to shove it in her face.

“If you keep tormenting these humans they’ll never let you see Decker, do you see, Master?” She drew out the title like a sneer, spatting his anger right back into his face.

Her resistance took Lucifer aback. He tried to pull away from her, but Maze kept a steel grip on him. Keeping her voice low, she yanked him closer. Lucifer could feel her nails digging into his skin.

“Stop making an ass of yourself and take care of the kid. Do you think Decker wants her here to see this? Wants to see you? Falling apart like a dumped prom date? You’re the Devil, get a grip on your balls, man up and move on.”

With a razor sharp look, she gave his arm a harsh squeeze before shoving him away. Lucifer sent her a look as equally as menacing.

He caught Beatrice hiding around the corner and sighed. Why did the Detective have to make his life so complicated? He forced himself to walk over to the child. As if things weren’t bad enough now he had to deal with the spawn. The incompetent nurses and Maze’s defiance left him with a short fuse and Lucifer thought he might snap if she tried to lay one grubby finger on him.

Lucifer stared coldly down at the child. She refused to look up at him.    

"Beatrice--” he began. There was a pang of new emotions in his chest when she flinched away.

Lucifer wasn’t sure why it hurt him so much. Children meant nothing to him; sticky little things were too innocent for his taste. They were irritating burdens who only wanted to destroy his things, but Lucifer couldn’t help the bitter taste Beatrice’s watery eyes gave him.

“Are you still mad, Lucifer?” she asked almost too quietly for him to hear.

The weight of her words seemed to drag him down.

She thought she caused this? Lucifer knelt down to stare into her eyes.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you’re asking, darling,” he said curtly.

“But you were yelling at the nurse,” She drew back, as if what she said was wrong, “I was scared.”

There.

That weird feeling again.

What did Linda call it?

Guilt.

Lucifer was feeling guilt.

In the flurry that was Chloe’s relapse, he let himself turn into the monster he swore he wasn’t.

If Lucifer didn’t stop himself now how could he say he was any better than how the Bible portrayed him?

He looked--really looked -- at Beatrice again. With her red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. Not to mention the fear in her eyes. Of him. Lucifer wouldn’t allow himself to take his anger out on an innocent child.

His rage slowly drained out of him. He felt his shoulders slump in defeat. “Yes, it wasn’t one of my finer moments; I let my temper get the better of me. I’m sorry if I scared you, Beatrice.”

“It’s okay. You were just scared because Mom got sick again. What’s wrong with her, Lucifer?”

Lucifer couldn’t meet her eyes because he couldn’t answer her and it terrified him. “I...I don’t know,” he stammered.

In an attempt to compose himself, he stood back up. “But I do know you shouldn’t have to see whatever it is. I’m calling your father to pick you up.”

Beatrice gasped and latched onto his waist. “But I want to make sure she’s okay! Lucifer please? I don’t wanna go home, I wanna stay with you and Maze.”

“You can come back later. This isn’t a debate, darling.” He knew peeling her off of him wasn’t an option so he reached for his phone instead. Ignoring her pleading, Lucifer searched for Daniel’s number. The painful memory of the Detective punching it in for him welled up before his eyes. He tried to shove it back down as the dial tone began.

He just hoped for both of their sakes, Dan would pick up. Lucifer couldn’t even bring himself to go home and change his clothes Father knows he couldn’t take care of a child right now, or ever for that sake. But especially not right now, not when he felt so damn useless.

The rings paused. A voice surfaced from the static.

“What Lucifer?”

A shriek cut through the silence of the Espinoza household. Dan felt a wave a dread wash over him. He hadn’t even been home an hour, he prayed to God it wasn’t the station again. It felt like lately all he ever did was work. Reluctantly, he glanced over at the caller ID. There, printed in bold letters it read: Lucifer.

He groaned. Somehow this was worse than the station calling him. The last thing Dan wanted to get was a call from Lucifer. As if the asshole hadn’t already ruined his day enough, now here he was not two hours later. If he was calling to rub his victory in Dan’s face, Dan was going to kill him. Literally kill him. With the damn pen he was using the sign those papers.

Dan let another ring slide by. He didn’t have to answer the phone. Honestly, it was at the bottom of the list of things he wanted to do. But there was an odd nagging in the back of his mind that said differently.

Lucifer had never actually called Dan before. A few months ago, he begrudgingly let Chloe put his number in his contacts. For emergencies she’d said. Dan couldn’t help but feel a touch of fear slide down his throat as he found himself picking up the call.

“What Lucifer?” Dan barely kept his tone level.

“I need you to come pick up your spawn.”

Dan felt the floor drop out from under him. Today was Chloe’s day to pick her up.

“Shit.” Chloe was in the hospital--with Lucifer. “Okay yeah tell Chloe I’ll be at the school in ten.”

“She’s not here,” he said in the same dead voice he started their conversation with.

“What do you mean she’s not there?”

“I--” there was a pause, “something has...come up.”

Dan started to get irritated. “Lucifer, stop being vague.”

“Daniel, you are the last person I want to come to with this.”

He sighed; he was getting nothing out of this conversation. Dan thought it might be easier to reason with a brick wall than talk to Lucifer. “Tell me what this is.”

“It’s the Detective...she--she’s relapsed.”

The phrase hung in their heavy silence. Dan felt the cold weight of panic settle on his shoulders. There was an uncomfortable edge to Lucifer’s voice that didn’t sit well with Dan. Even when he was a sleep deprived, caffeine junkie Lucifer’s confidence had never wavered. This time, Dan couldn’t help but hear the emptiness of his tone.  

“Beatrice shouldn’t be here for it,” he continued on. Lucifer drew in a shuddering breath, as if it pained him to speak, “...And I can’t take care of her; not now. Not when I haven’t even bothered to wipe the blood off of my clothes.”

That sent Dan into the practiced calm he’d perfected through years of police training. “Is Trixie at the hospital with you?”

Small questions. Simple yes or no���s. It was clear Chloe’s relapse sent Lucifer spiraling over the edge Dan thought he didn’t have. And if he pushed Lucifer too far, he might lose it.

“Y-yes. I had Maze bring her. Chloe’s orders.”

Chloe’s name rolled off of Lucifer’s tongue stiffly. It sounded almost foreign in his lilting accent. Dan had only ever heard Lucifer address her by her detective title. It felt almost wrong, sacrilegious even. It didn’t help calm Dan’s growing nerves.

“Alright I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he said, trying to talk his way around Lucifer’s clear shock.

Lucifer lowered his voice down to a rasp. “No now. Please. I can’t compose myself long enough to drive or even leave. Daniel, I can’t leave her.”

There was no doubt as to who the her in question was. Lucifer’s pleading shocked him to the core. Here was one of the most powerful men in LA, pleading and admitting defeat. A man so miserable and broken up that he turned to his rival for help.

Gone was the mockery and the charisma and the life in his words. And gone was the anger Dan harbored for him.

“I’ll be there in ten,” he reassured Lucifer. A clink on the other end told Dan that he’d hung up.

Dan grabbed his keys and was out the door.

[5sosfam-27]

Graduation night

Hello loves! Please tell me if I should keep writing on this or if it’s ass and I should quit. I hope you enjoy💛

My alarm went off at 4. Meaning we were two hours away from having to be at the school for graduation. It was really happening.

I reached across Ash to grab my phone to turn the alarm off. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me on top of him. His face went right in between my boobs, making me slightly uncomfortable. "Um, Ash. You're face is in my boobs. And we gotta get ready." I told him trying to get up. His arms just wrapped tighter around me. I gave in letting all of my weight go on him. I felt him breathe in really heavy before turning his face towards me.

"This is really happening isn't it?" He asked. I looked into his eyes and I could tell that he was scared. We were bound to go off to college. Different colleges. We would probably never see each other again. "It is, babe. It's time. Come on and get ready." I told him pushing myself up off of him.

I needed to go to my house to get ready since all my makeup was over there. "I need to go to my house to get ready. But if you hurry and get dressed you can came lay in my bed while I get ready." I told him pulling him out of bed. He of course just went limp, making my life difficult. I just kinda let him slide into the floor.

"I'll take that deal. I like watching you do your makeup." He said from the floor. He was so weird. And that was one of my favorite things about him. I went to his closet and grabbed his dress shirt and slacks. I found a tie threw in the top of the closet that was still knotted. I laid the clothes on his bed and started to unknot the tie.

"Get your ass up outta the floor. Get dressed, Ash. Please." I stuck my bottom lip out and batted my lashes. He sighed loudly before standing up. It always worked on him. "Fine. Only cause you did the lip thing and said please." He started stripping down to his boxers. He threw his shirt on my head and pushed me onto the bed.

"What the hell man?" I asked throwing the shirt in the floor. He shrugged while giggling. "Cause it was funny." He told me pulling his pants up. He slipped his shirt on, not bothering to button it. He grabbed his shoes and socks, slipping them on quickly. He grabbed his cap and gown throwing it over his shoulder and slipping his cap on. I grabbed the tie and held my hand out towards him. He took it, pulling me out the door.

We walked downstairs and was met by his mom and siblings. "Hi sweetie. How are you?" His mom asked. She was always so sweet to me. I was really going to miss her warm, welcoming smile. "I'm really good. I'm gonna go get ready then it'll be time for us to go to the school for one last time." I told her. She started tearing up, pulling us both into a hug. I hugged her back as tightly as I could. I would miss all of this. I felt Ashton pull out of the hug but me and his mom just stood there. I heard Ash clear his throat and I stepped back. She was full on crying now. "I love you. We'll be back over for pictures." I told her, wiping her tears. She nodded, giving me a quick on the cheek.

We walked over to my house in silence. I looked around, taking in what had been my home for over half of my life. It really was beautiful here. I would miss it. I pushed open the door, Ash's hand still in mine. If I kept thinking about leaving then I would cry. I had a feeling that I would cry tonight. My mom was sitting in the living room with pictures surrounding her. I looked closer at them, realizing they were of me when I was a baby.

"Hi momma." I said starting to tear up. She looked up at with her tear rimmed eyes and I lost it. She opened her arms to me and I ran into them. I sat beside her, pulling her into a hug. I would miss her most of all. She was my rock. When the world felt like it was ending, she was always there, waiting for me with open arms. "I love you baby. And I want you to know how proud I am of you." She told me, rubbing my back. "I love you too momma." I told her, wiping my tear covered face. She looked up at Ash who was just standing there awkwardly.

"Ashton. Come here son." She said opening her arms to him too. He walked over to us and sat between us. She pulled him into a big hug and started crying again, causing me to cry harder. They were my everything. "I'm so proud of you too. Thank you for always being there for my baby." She told him, kissing his cheek. "It's my pleasure. I wouldn't wanna have anyone else as my best friend." He said looking at me. I nodded, grabbing his hand.

"Okay mom. I gotta go get ready. I told Anne that we'd come back by for pictures. So I gotta hurry." I told her standing up. She nodded. "Okay baby. I'll be waiting for you." She said patting Ashton's hand. He kissed her head before standing up. He was one of the sweetest guys I know. He hates to admit but he's just a big sweetheart.

We headed upstairs to my room for me to get ready. He took his shoes off and laid in my bed. He would probably fall back asleep. He wrapped himself up in my pink blanket, causing me to giggle. He looked so cute all bundled up and sleepy. "Don't you fall asleep on me. What do you wanna listen to?" I asked him. He shrugged. "Whatever you want." I looked through my songs trying to decide what I was in the mood for. I ended up just clicking a random playlist.

I grabbed my cup of water and dipped my makeup sponge in it. "Why do you do that?" Ash asked. I thought he had fallen asleep. "I don't know honestly. It makes the foundation blend easier I guess." I told him. He nodded, watching my every move. I grabbed my loose powered to set my face. I really couldn't have it melting off tonight. I grabbed my James palette and turned around to face Ash.

"What look should I go for?" I asked him holding up the palette. "Do something with brown. It makes your eyes stand out more." He told me. I nodded, turning back around in my chair. I grabbed my brushes and went to work on doing a brown Smokey eye. Winged liner always makes me feel prettier. I don't know why though.

After I had finished all my makeup I turned around and looked at Ash. He was laying there wrapped up in my blanket still. He looked beautiful laying there, pink blanket and all. I stood up, heading for my closet. I grabbed my black dress and black high heels. Our gowns were red so it worked out perfect.

I went into my bathroom to change and fix my hair. I had no clue what to do with it and I was running out of time. I grabbed my cap that I had sat on the sink and put it on. It was a weird sight to see. Me, all glammed up in my cap and gown. It was really happening. I grabbed a few Bobby pins to make sure it stayed in place. I glanced at myself one last time before walking out to Ash. It was time.

"Ash, it's time. Put your cap and gown on. We gotta go take pictures now." I told him, gently shaking him awake. He nodded getting up slowly. He buttoned up his shirt and slipped his shoes back on. He grabbed his cap and gown that he had thrown over my chair and put them both on. I adjusted his cap for him, placing my hands on the sides of his face. "I love you Ash. Let's go do this." He kissed my hand. "I love you too." He said opening my door.

We walked downstairs and was greeted by our moms. Ash's brother and sister were here too. They were all waiting for us. "Y'all look great! So grown up." My mom said snapping pictures. I smiled and looked at Ash. He was smiling just as wide as I was. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and turned me towards his mom so she could get a good picture. Anne made Harry and Lauren take pictures with us also. They were always like the little brother and sister I never had.

After we had finished taking all the pictures we piled into Anne's van. We drove in silence most of the way there. I grabbed ahold of ash's hand, rubbing little circles with my thumb to calm him down. I could feel him slightly shaking beside me. I looked over at him and he had his eyes closed. "Are you okay?" I whispered into his ear. He nodded. "I'm nervous. What if I fall on stage or something?" I let out a little chuckle. "Then I'll pick you up." I told him, smiling. He nodded.

We had made it to the school, meaning it was time. Our families went and found their seats while Ash and I did the same. Thankfully our seats were beside each other. "It's finally happening Ash. After this we're done. No more high school." I told him getting excited. "I know. It's really happening," He said grabbing my hand. "I don't know if I want it to happen though. Everything is gonna change." He told me.

Before I could say anything Mr. Brown went on stage. The ceremony was starting. He tapped the microphone causing it to make a horrid noise. "Sorry about that ladies and gentlemen, but I would like to give a huge round of applause to the class of 2020! You all have worked so hard to get here and I don't think you understand how proud I am of each and every single one of you. Without further ado, here's the graduating class of 2020!" The crowd erupted into applause and cheering.

Mr. Brown called each name very slowly. I started to grow impatient and tired of waiting. I leaned my head again ash's shoulder, feeling more relaxed with him by my side. "I'm pretty sure mom has something planned for us once we get home." I whispered into his ear. He nodded. "I know. Harry told me. He can't keep a secret for anything." He said laughing. That's Harry for you.

Mr. Brown finally made it to the I's. My hands starting sweating and Ash started drumming the back of the chair. It was coming soon. "Mr. Ashton Irwin!" He called out. Ash stood up and walked to the stage quickly. I looked behind us and saw our families waving and cheering. They were so proud of us. Ash got his diploma and headed back towards me. Mr. Brown called my name before Ash made it back to me. "Miss Kaitlyn Ian!" I stood up, wiping my sweaty palms on my gown. It was my time to shine. I made my way up to the stage carefully. My luck id bust my ass in front of all these people.

I shook everyone's hand and was handed my diploma. I was finally free. I had done it. I looked into the crowd at my mom and saw that she was crying. I blew her a kiss, feeling my eyes start to water. I headed down the steps towards my seat beside Ash. I was full blown crying at that point. He pulled me into a side hug once I sat down. "We did it. We actually did it." He whispered in my ear. I nodded, squeezing his hand.

We waited for the others names to be called until everyone had received their diplomas. After what felt like forever, it was finally over. We made our way towards our families. We were pulled into hugs as soon as they saw us. "I'm so proud of you baby. You looked beautiful up there." My mom told me. "You make me so proud Ashton." His mom told him, crying into his shirt. "Come on y'all let's go home." I said grabbing my mom's and Harry's hand.

We all piled back into Anne's van and headed home. I knew that they would have us a little party once we get back home. I was excited for it. The car ride home was uneventful except for Harry and Lauren fighting. But they do that all the time. Anne pulled into the driveway and everyone got out. "Go unlock the door baby. And Ash you go with her." My mother told us. I grabbed the keys from her and Ash's hand. We walked to the door and I stuck the key in. "Would you like to do the honors?" I asked laughing. "Why of course." He said pushing the door open.

[avaliveradio]

Behind The Music with Black Cadillac Kings on Upside The Wall

Band Name: Black Cadillac Kings  Shane Thornton -Lead Vocals /Rhythm Guitar Chris Garrett -Drums/Lead Vocals Otis Dean Oliver-Stand Up & Electric Bass Vic Picks-Lead/Slide & Rhythm Guitars

Person Interviewing: Shane Thornton

Song name: Upside The Wall

Music Genre: Americana Southern Rock

I live in... Klamath Falls, Oregon USA

Link to play:: http://www.reverbnation.com/open_graph/song/30902191

This song 'Upside The Wall' is about the crazy times spent with the hot and unbridled passion of lovers that can’t get enough of each other told through articulate lyrics describing their adult escapades though race car sexual innuendos until the climax car crash at the end.

Black Cadillac Kings music is of many real true-life stories including topics of cars, women, sex, love, lost love, war, pain, happiness, friends & loved ones that have passed on, Native American history, tortured souls, cannabis, wonderful days of what’s in store for the future.

All of these topics and more have been real to all of us at one point in time. Even if it hasn’t happened to you yet, it’s bound to. These lyrics and melodies we write mostly come from a Blues based Foundation but also have influenced other forms of music like folk, bluegrass, rockabilly, rock n’ roll, classic rock, southern rock, gospel with old school country & western styles. We draw our influences out of a big pot of Americana music that holds all these styles mentioned above.“We’re rollin’ through your town with whiskey on our breath just like a tumbleweed...High On OCTANE!”-Black Cadillac Kings

This song 'Upside The Wall' fits into our style quite well even though it’s the hardest fastest single with a pop twist we’ve done so far, yet clever and well arranged at the same time. It feels a little more grown-up than our early releases do though. But you can’t deny the thunderous drum sound of Garrett and the ultra slippery slide guitar work by Vic Picks.

This combined with Oliver’s simple yet solid as a rock stand up bass and my (Shane Thornton) monster southern rock/rockabilly riffs, this tune fits perfectly into our style. Why did you say? “Because it is,” I say. This was a song I had written with different lyrics before that were very graphic and didn’t leave much to the imagination. Plus the lyrics sounded juvenile and low class. I kept the same vocal melody as before but then came up with the race car sex innuendos in the lyrics, it all fell together.

This release represents the current direction of the band very well. 'Upside The Wall' sounds like a Black Cadillac Kings’ song to me. It’s a bit faster and upbeat and has a harder edge sprinkled with harmonic melodies with hard yet tongue in cheek playfulness in the lyrics that fit with our fondness of motorized vehicles.

If you go back to our first album, “Baby Loves My Hotrod “ is definitely in the same vein as this song. It’s hard bluesy Rock n’ roll with lyrics that reflect cars and sex as almost being the same. Both songs are ‘Show stoppers and Panty droppers’. Meaning they bring a fun sexy mood with them and leave you satisfied but still wanting more. The harder guitar tones fit well with the be 4 On The Floor release because the record as a whole has a darker feel with other songs such as “Everlasting Pain” and “Tear Dust Blues”. 4 On The Floor is BCK’s darkest and heaviest sound to date.

I had the song done in my head and I showed it to Dean, Vic, and Chris on just a 12 string acoustic. They learned the chords and arrangement and then added their personal touches and flavor to finalize it into a Black Cadillac Kings tune. I had an idea that “Upside The Wall” would sound amazing with some Honky Tonk piano for a southern rock feel. I called our buddy Robert Harlow who sat in with us live many times and also laid down Hammond organ tracks on our previous release. I explained my vision to Robert and sent him off with the rhythm track. He came back with the perfect honky-tonk piano part and well. A song in perfect form and arrangement in the end.

I was two years old when I started performing. I would have a comb for a microphone and put on concerts for my parents and their friends. They were only 18 years old with a 2-year-old. My folks were just babies themselves. I somehow knew all the lyrics and vocals to every CCR and Neil Young song we had in the record collection. At 8 months, I could speak full sentences so speech and singing came quick and easy for me. I got hooked on the records my Dad would bring home like Steve Miller, Bad Company, Beatles, Rolling Stones, Boston and such.

It wasn’t till I heard Back In Black by AC⚡️DC when it all changed for me. That album lit a fire that has never gone out. The power that it had, the lyrics, the guitars and the vocals all mixed made an impressionable 12-year-old take notice. At this time I began to pick up my mom’s old Lyle six-string that had been leaning in a corner since their 3rd wedding anniversary. A gift from my Dad to her. She showed me my first chords and how she stunned the rhythm with her pick hand in unison with her left fingerboard hand. It took fairly fast and that was the first time I had looked at my mom as amazing.

From then I taught myself the Malcolm Young style of rhythm guitar and have prided myself as a solid rhythm player. My solo picking has never been my strong set and I know a few cool licks and can jam along with the best. It is the rhythm guitar that struck a chord in me. I create music because at an early age my purpose was presented to me by God and I grabbed ahold of it and embraced it because I knew it was a part of me that would always be here with me.

Music enriches my life in a few different ways. I love to be in the creative process and everything that comes with it. Writing, performance, and studio where these are all very satisfying. Seeing and hearing your ideas being played back to you with superior sound quality is exciting! It’s like building a house. The drums and bass are the foundation, the guitars, vocals and melodies, and the walls and roof. The feelings, messages, and emotions are what fill the inside that makes the house a home. 

I get massive amounts of joy from music. Performing live is an example, we play a song that we enjoy and get joy from that. We see people start to dance or start singing the lyrics with you, so now they are getting joy from dance and singing. This, in turn, sends joy back to me seeing the audience get joy.

My favorite instrument is the guitar (Big surprise). She was my first love and I will never leave her side.

“The music business and being a musician today for me means not what it used to be. The days of major labels controlling it all is almost to a close. Careers are now in the hands of the artists. Indie artists have the most control over their music these days more than ever. It is an exciting time to be an Indie musician. If one is open to learning the ins and outs of music promotion today, it is a great opportunity that wasn’t available before.

Surround yourself with great, passionate, hard-working, honest people to build a team with the same dream. I love helping other artists move forward in their careers. I love it when bands in town or community/scene completely support each other’s endeavors. This is happening in my small town right now and it’s wonderful. “ Shane Thornton Black Cadillac King’s

Website & social media links: http://blackcadillackings.com http://reverbnation.com/blackcadillackings https://www.facebook.com/Black-Cadillac-Kings https://twitter.com/BlackCaddyKings https://www.instagram.com/blackcadillackings https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCE3sBvotq0u7OHR-zu-em-Q https://www.reverbnation.com/blackcadillackings https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V89tyPwwTXI https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/black-cadillac-kings-ep/id 1106185889 https://www.amazon.com/Black-Cadillac-Kings/dp/B0759J8SFW/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=black+cadillac+kings&qid=1563581208&s=gateway&sr=8-1

[valorousowl]

So I'd said I'd complain here. Because I want to. But I also don't want to. Under the cut because sensitive shit.

My father died two weeks ago on Sunday. I've made about 3 posts about that. Last week we had some funerary services. Mom is having a month long wake for people to pay their respects to his ashes which will be mixed with hers following her death and then buried together, likely in the Military Cemetary in Pennsylvania where her brother is also buried.

I performed some of the services, reading

Psalms over his remains from his Lutheran service book at my mother's request. I also said prayers over his remains a few times and blessed a cross she's received as a bereavement gift.

Other than that we just spent a whole lot of time together, not enough, and talked a whole lot.

This is thw second funeral I've been at in 6 months. In may my Uncle Jack died and if home down briefly for that. An aunt had died cut In that time, Ngoc, but I wasn't close so I ended up not going/not invite to her funeral.

My sisters at that time, had been quite angry that id gone to his among other things, despite the fact he'd been like a second father to me and always looked out for me during high school.

To make things simple I'm gonna bullet what they did last time under their names.

Page

Bitched a lot about me choosing a nonblood relative over a blood relative

Had a whole homophobic* rant about it not being fair the family accepts my wife but not her girlfriendbeating, childabusing, alcoholic, lazy, boyfriend.

Ended up leaving me until way after the funeral ended because she was pissed at me. My other sister had to get us and take us to the after part.

Not great but not bad comparitively.

Hillary

Ended up showing up late to pick us up from the pick up location in Ithaca. I literally can't give her my address it's that bad.

I had to drive us down. She'd programmed her gps, two of them, to give conflicting turns so the other was no help when I got lost after Harrisburg.

Wanted to sleep at a rest stop parking lot only halfway through, this is the DAY OF the funeral.

Literally started screaming at me for getting lost and said "I drive like a man"

Told me she'd kill me for transitioning when I joked that I can't drive like a man when it's so expensive to transition**.

Repeated it, making sure I looked her in the eyes, in front of a witness, that she will kill*** me if I ever transition.

Tried to drop in unannounced at 6 am at the mother of the dead aunt to pay condolences. Even if I'd been invited that'd be supremely rude.

Immediately went to sleep when we arrived about an hour or two BEFORE the funeral.

Continued to hang all over me and call me ungrateful for not visiting for almost 4 years before this.

That was last time.

This time she did something worse, and what makes it even worse was the fact that it was our FATHER.

I know it shouldnt matter because family is family but she was there when he died and had tried to get ahold of me at work before it was too late. All of this made me think she was at least acting like a decent human being. I was wrong. I know people process grief differently and I'm no different, im still fluctuating between denial and anger and even mom is pushing it far from her mind so she doesn't have to face the reality of it. But there's certain things that are unforgivable.

Page in comparison was really kind, so anything she did out of frustration I'm skipping this time because she made an effort to be civil.

Hillary

Lent us her bedroom which was nice, except she was in there all the time. Like not to get stuff she needed she was just hanging out in there all the time. And I know you're thinking "It's her room, stop being an asshole!" Except it brings me to point two. She'd especially do it after picking fights, so that literally we didn't have anywhere to get away from her. She'd do this when I lived there too, except she'd do it in MY room, which had literally no way of locking her out as we shared one connecting door that only locked in her side. She does this for attention so she cannot be ignored.

We went out to her work, where she introduced me to Everyone as her daughter. There's about three problems there alone, but I had to be polite to her co-workers. She did so so she could basically just mooch off the free samples. Which they all commented on, pointedly.

Afterward she had me drive just to start an argument about politics, literally took me down several new roads I didn't know, and got mad when I wouldn't make the turns instinctively and made me make what were basically illegal turns. She made up for this by buying my therapy cat some things at Wal-Mart including a fidget spinner****. Then stayed in our room for three more hours.

The next morning she acted like nothing had changed and said we were going out to eat. We went to The Green Dragon which is a fancier Asian buffet with a variety of dishes. It was nice. Until she started discussing politics LOUDLY. It wasn't that kind of restaurant, it was mostly older people, like 80% 60-80 year olds on the early bird special, not somewhere you want to talk politics in rural Amish country Pennsylvania.

I told her three times, we aren't talking about that here and now.

She insisted she was talking to "My friend*****"

I told her neither of us wanted to talk to her about it so she dropped it for a while.

It wasn't long before she was back on her bullshit. She went on about infowars or some shit. (She doesn't like him, per se, but she's a "conservative in a gay hat" type) and how it was hilarious to see him get ripped apart over "Michael obama"

I tell her it's pronounced Michelle. She replied "no it's not! He's really a man, haven't you seen?" And extrapolated from there. I told her she can't call women she doesnt like men just because she doesn't like them or isn't attracted to them. (She does this)

At this point, she continues on about how Michelle is "a transgender or whatever", not really a woman, had a penis, and even without my biases, she still is SHOUTING THIS IN A PACKED RESTAURANT FULL OF OLD PEOPLE IN RED PA

I tell her to back off because she doesn't know anything about trans people and maybe she should just not talk about it because I'm not going to talk to her about it. To which of course she replies that she knows so much better because she knows lots of """"""real trans people"""""

She goes on about how they're disgusting, they smell bad, they're bad people, she outed her friend who I didn't know was trans and said that she (She managed proper pronouns for her at first then reverted to calling her a man) forced her to support her even though she was *insert insults* and even went so far as to call them... rather us, mentally ill freaks.****** She insists we wouldn't have high suicide rates of we didn't "pretend to be the other gender and accept what we really are!"

I'm done. I've had enough. I just get up and say "I'm going to the bathroom" and I literally walk away and lock myself in the family bathroom. While I'm gone she asks what my problem is and my wife tells her off, basically that she doesn't get to decide anyone else's journey for them, it costs 0.00 USD to respect people's identies and not be a fuck. To which Hillary says "don't tell me she's one too" which I'm not annoting because I've already made two notes on this. Rowan tells her "It's not my story to tell,"

"That tells me all I need to know." (Yeah no shit Sherlock you were told outright)

Rowan says she's gonna check on me, so Hiillary tells her "well, tell her her mother's dead. She doesn't have one anymore."#

##

So I'm having a breakdown in a public bathroom, on the phone with my mother, because she has humiliated me and outed me to a restaurant of strangers, and she still keeps us out with her for another hour past leaving the restaurant even when I said I wanted to go home.

She immediately tried to retract and say that first off, "[I] don't understand how hard it is and [I] don't understand the choice [I'm] making" I am not talking to her about this.

She insists she'll always support me. I want to go home.

Here's where she actually took I to Wal-Mart. Rowan has reminded me this is what the Wal-Mart trip was to make up for. On that note. She tried again to say she'd "always support me and I know it". I reminded her she told me last time she said she'd kill me over it. She denied it and I told her I still had logs to which she said "ugh, okay whatever!"

This all led to outing me to the REST of the family, which thank God they took better than her. They admitted they didn't understand and hoped I'd get lots of doctors who could help me transition safely with my health issues. Overall it was better than expected but I'm the second openly trans member of the family.

She continued to say that I hold grudges and I shouldn't be so sensitive among other things but that's really all I have the spoons for. This took three hours to write as is. So yeah, additional notes are below. This is why I will never live in PA again and never live near her again. All of this when we were supposed to be mourning our dead father.

*Its homophobic from perspective because I'm only out as a lesbian at this point.

**She is a (closet-bi) lesbian who has been told twice at this point that I'm trans. She's said I'm confused. I don't know what I am. She didn't give birth to a boy etc.

***This is about the third time in my life she's told me if it was up to her she'd have killed me. She said she wanted to abort me, she said if I'd been a boy (xy) she would have. She says if they wouldn't let her, she'd have smothered me coming out and as it stands as a "girl" (xx) she planned to orphan me if mom hadn't told her to being me home.

**** I don't even know. She insists cats love fidget spinners. Mine doesn't care.

***** I don't have to explain why this is fucked up. But I will. If you havent had this situation happen to you, regardless of sexuality and presentation, it means that person who is so important to you to be your significant other, does not measure up. Other than dehumanizing them it's just in general a shitty move. And when they dont even use your SOs name it's clear they're seen just as an accessory of you.

****** y'all remember I've already told her I'm trans? I have the Facebook logs from that convo still.

#I got sick of counting stars, so we're switching to hashes. I'm adopted. Hillary is my biological mother and we were both adopted by the same charitable lady. Her statement doesnt make a lick of sense, mother is at home. She constantly tries to insist she's my mother after all of the above and more I can't even go into here.

## If I knew all it's take was coming out as trans for hee to disown me, I would have much sooner. Soon than I did. She'll forget this in less than six months likely. Because I'm not important enough to expend memory on. I'm marginally okay with this.