The thing is that, like most trans men I know, I’m more than willing to discuss my relationship with male privilege and manhood regarding the ways I’ve seen a direct benefit on my life.
I work a woman-dominated, and let’s be real an afab-dominated, job. When a known misogynist client- who has been scolded multiple times for his behavior heckles and hassles the women who work there to the point where multiple coworkers refuse to be in the same room as him- glances at me and then looks away and chooses a different target, I know why. It’s because he saw my beard and my moustache and my generally male appearance and decided that it would be far too gay to engage in that behavior with me.
But if I talk about this relationship, then you also need to listen when I say that exact same client treated me exactly the same way he treats the female staff when I was on the phone with him just a week prior, because he heard my voice and decided for me that I was a woman he was going to treat poorly.
If I talk about this relationship, then you need to listen when I say that people have called the police to report a violent black man was threatening them when all I was doing was existing in an area, an area that I have existed in as a black woman and not had people try to get the police to kill me.
If I talk about this relationship, then you need to listen when I say that I experienced terrible antiblack racism as a direct result of being one of three black girls in my entire school system, and that it did not magically get better the moment I realized I was transgender at 13 nor did the misogynistic part of the abuse suddenly stop affecting me or my mental health.
If I talk about this relationship, you need to listen when I say that being pulled over by the police due to a broken headlight takes a very different tone now that I am largely passing in my day-to-day life, and what used to be “let off with a warning” has now become “tickets and points”.
And if you are not ready to listen, then I am not willing to have this discussion, because by focusing only on one part of the equation you ignore the entire rest of my existence.
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♡ TW: nsfw, noncon, yandere, kidnapped reader, murder of nameless side characters
♡ fem reader
Thinking about that moment of violent change you’re forced to go through when your loving boyfriend becomes the terrifying man you don’t recognize—and how it completely eradicates the reality you’d grown so comfortable in, realizing it was all some perfectly orchestrated lie.
Rope burns on your wrists and ankles, tears streaking your chunky cheeks, and a poor soul’s blood on your pretty face belonging to some guy who’d gotten a little too close for comfort.
He’d cut him down like it was nothing.
The knife is held still by his side, a shining red murder weapon, dripping on the floor in the growing pond by his feet. He sighs heavily, casts his head back then looks behind him, beholding you through slim eyes, clicking his tongue, “Look what you made me do…”
He wouldn’t be the only one… several victims followed in his bloody path—witnesses who’d seen him struggle with you, kicking and screaming for all your worth, trying anything to get away. You were all too easily manhandled into the car, and could only watch behind the locked door, banging with bound fists on the glass while he gutted other passersby who’d threatened to call the police.
Driving off, he growls at you, first to shut up and then, “That was your fault—if only you’d been a good girl, none of those innocent people would have had to die.” His knuckles whiten on the wheel, wringing it in his stained grip—scarlet on ivory. “If you don’t want any more blood on your hands, you better sit pretty and not cause me any more trouble.”
You sob uncontrollably and inconsolably despite the threat—you can’t stop yourself—you can’t even comprehend his words. None of it makes any sense. You’d seen it all, and yet you can’t understand it—any of it. You’d watched the sweet guy you knew shed his skin and become a monster right before your eyes. It must be some bad dream, some terrible, awful, horrible nightmare.
But even if it is, you don’t want him touching you ever again. It makes you physically sick to your stomach to think you’d ever shared a bed with him—exchanged sweet nothings in the damp heat of each other. No, no, no, it’s not the same person—it can’t be. It can’t be true. What about the smiles you’d shared over breakfast, those times you’d surprised each other at lunch, all the dates, all the gifts, all the kisses, the future you’d talked about?
You’d fallen in love. But you’ve fallen in love with someone who doesn’t even exist.
He makes sure the door to the bedroom’s under lock and a key he stores somewhere you won’t find it. You squirm in your bonds on the bed when he approaches, shivering with whimpers under his hands, flinching at his touch while he unties you, then cringing as he angles your face to look at him—wanting to pry free, anything not to look into those changed eyes.
You hadn’t thought his build was imposing before, it hadn’t struck you as lethal. Naively, you’d thought him cozy—a big chest and a warm embrace he would scoop you up in, a safe place you could live. He’s cold now, menacing and filthy from his crimes—the body of a killer, a cold-blooded murderer. He’s so big it makes the room feel too small for the both of you. Claustrophobic.
He forces your gaze to him, and it’s all you see, those eyes, those unrecognizable eyes, with that look within you can’t understand, beholding you with burden.
“I still love you,” he states, though it angers him. “Even though you broke my heart. I still love you.”
You shake your head, or you try to, but it results in only tiny tremors caught in his hand where he keeps your chin, bloody fingers buried in your plump cheeks, squeezing so hard you wince.
“But it doesn’t come for free,” he seethes with an awful sneer. A type of grimace you’d never thought him capable of, overfilled with disdain. “My love is earned. And after all you did today, you’re in deep debt.”
He lets go of your face with a nasty shove, taking a mean grip on your shirt instead, using both fists to tear it down the middle. You yelp and cover yourself, but that only angers him further—causing him to grab your wrists and pin them to your side. You think you feel your joints popping.
“Test me, and I’ll hurt you,” he growls, his teeth bared at your ear where your face curls to hide itself in the pillow. “I don’t want to, but if that’s what it takes to make you sorry, then so be it. Be good, and I won’t have to take it that far.”
You lie as still as you can muster while he removes the rest—roughly as he goes—your bra, your skirt, your underwear. You only snivel and toil with the sheets in weak little fists, making your joints cramp up—feeling raw under him, at the mercy of those blood-dried hands.
You understand what he’s about to do, and yet it doesn’t really dawn on you before you hear the sharp ringing of his belt buckle being undone. You don’t look, but you don’t close your eyes either—the room is already dark enough that closing your eyes would make you feel too close to death. So, you keep your gaze fixed to the side, to the stale wall.
The bed bounces you as he shuffles. The urge to run bubbles within, but you know it wouldn’t be to your advantage. So your mind spins, thinking of other possibilities, growing ever more panicked when coming up empty.
He spits on your slit, then rears it with his spitefully erect shaft—pushing in without further prep. And you lose all sense of control.
Twisting at the attack, you scream again, “No! Stop—”
Your hands barely touch him before he’s answered the protest with a tightening grip on your neck. Unrelenting, your throat instantly snares, and you choke on any further outburst.
“I told you,” he chastises. “Why do you have to force my hand, huh?”
You gasp for any sliver worth of air, sipping through the cracks of his chokehold, but it’s very nearly sealed completely shut. You try lifting his grip with your own, both hands holding onto his wrist, wanting to pull loose but achieving nothing.
It’s so pitiful that he ignores the effort. Using his remaining hand to continue what he’d set out to do. Planting his tip at your unprepped entrance, he wasted no time before surging forward.
Your vision starts to spot, and your hands grow weak, barely hanging on.
“That’s good. Lie still and take it,” he groans—his lips on your cheek as he bullies through your dry walls, only aided by his spit. “And I might consider once’ enough.”
You don’t have a choice, feeling your body go numb. He picks your thigh up over his hip and drives deeper—starting a steady pace without letting go of your throat, squeezing the life out of you. Your hands finally drop, lying limp, and still, you feel it deep within—the thrusting as he beats your sorry cunt into an aching mess, then fills you up with awful warmth.
♡ BNHA – Deku, Kirishima, Hawks
♡ JJK – Nanami, Geto, Naoya
♡ FEM x M INSERT masterlist
♡ GN x M INSERT masterlist
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