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k-zuzu · 4 months ago

Text

홍중

kim hongjoong 𖹭 fem idol!reader

DESTINY.

synopsis: idol!reader is very open about her love for ateez kim hongjoong, scandal breaks, they end up together. (feat. bang chan of skz being wise.)

content: eventual smut mdni, cringe/crack, angst if u squint, strangers2friends2lovers, reader uses she/her pronouns, slow burn?, this is shit, choppy storyline lots of time skips and anticlimactic, fluffy?, lots of use of the pet name 'baby', cuddling, big sexy hongjoong, swearing, not proofread, lowercase intended. explicit warnings: in the studio couch, handjob, p in v, no prep, vanilla, unprotected, creampie, sub/dom undertones?, virgin/inexperienced reader

guide: italics in dialogues are used when they speak in korean. chat fonted dialogues are comments and exchanged texts. long blocks of dialogues are used during lives because they're not really doing anything apart from speaking!

zuzu's note: main masterlist. the girl in the picture is just a reference/icon to get the overall vibe of the "idol aesthetic." also, because it's difficult to make things neutral, i created your group and fandom's name, and also put in a groupmate's name in as placeholders because it's difficult to write without mentioning them lol.

you spent two years honing your skills as a trainee at a modest, struggling company before rising to fame as the leader of your own group, DESTINY. your impressive duality on stage, seamlessly transitioning from intense, commanding dance moves and mature raps to the charming, feminine aegyo concept, quickly won over fans. your first award was hard-earned for your sultry debut song titled "Sit." (in which you would subtly imply that you want to sit on someone's face).

you, in particular, gained a significant international following because of your hilarious bedroom lives where you would often deliver sassy comebacks to fans, showcase your impressive english language skills, and share random chatter that fans couldn't help but love. Initially, you became known for your goofy on-screen personality. however, as your talents and stage presence shone through, it was no surprise that people fell for you.

DESTINY has cemented their status as THE 5th generation girl group, making waves in the music industry. numerous renowned idols you adored in the past (one of which, was Kim Hongjoong) have taken notice of your group's bold lyrics and praised your distinctive style and captivating concept.

one day, you decide to hop onto instagram to go live and have a casual chat with your dedicated fans, also known as fates, during a brief pause from rehearsing the dance routine for your upcoming comeback album titled "idgaf." despite having beads of sweat clinging to your forehead and being slightly winded from the dance, you maintain a casual conversation with your viewers;

"so, a few days ago i was on my phone and i was watching these uh, these compilations of other idols talking about me—" you pause to catch your breath and slightly chuckle at how ridiculous you sound. "someone made one of those cute videos on youtube." you repeat in korean. "my favorite part was when they showed ateez reaction to me casually rapping that one part in WORK during one of my lives..." you took a deep inhale and looked away as you thought about it some more. "hongjoong-sunbaenim was sooo, aaaagh! he was— i mean, okay, so, don't like, make a big deal out of this, but i had a hugeeee crush on him for so long, so long, like, before i debuted, i swear, his charizzma is unmatched!!! aaaaaGH, he COMPLIMENTED MY RAPPING IN THE VIDEO! and then i began to wonder if, like, was my rapping even good? damn, i could've done better if i knew hongjoong-sunbaenim would watch it. he was also, actually my inspiration as a leader and a producer..."

you continued chattering on, unaware that your manager would soon reprimand you for discussing that particular topic, citing potential negative consequences. however, it wasn't a major issue, since your fans actually valued your candidness. sure, there were a few hateful remarks scattered among the positive comments, but many responded positively, with remarks such as:

"help she's so real 😭"

"waaah, wishing i was hongjoon rn"

"she can't have hongjoong! he is dating atiny" — "she is atiny tho?" someone replied.

"totally ship them" and it was all enough to make your day.

it's not too long before you come across a reel on instagram that many fans tagged you in; hongjoong reacting to a clip of you simping over him on your livestream. your heartbeat picked up its pace and you sat up properly, raising the volume on your phone as you mentally prepared yourself for the video.

"yahh, i already saw this." he says and you pause the video. fuck. you play it again. "honestly, i thought it was a bit cute." you blush and kick your feet until he speaks again. "it's rare to see junior idols showcasing their admiration for their seniors, but it's really nice, i really like it... especially when they admire me," he shows a heart to the camera. "y/n, if you're watching this, please continue to show your love and support to ateez!"

you were a little disappointed because he seemed to spin it off that you were just a supportive junior/atiny, but you decided to brush it off.

weeks pass and the topic dies down until a photo of you and hongjoong chatting while he signed your album at their fansign event was spreading around the internet and rumors began — you didn't think it would be hidden since it was a public event, but you also didn't think that it would be a scandal. it's your first time being able to chat with hongjoong at all and the dating rumors are just ridiculous. your manager gives you the go signal and you decide to address the rumors by going live in your iconic bed, the lights are dim and you're bare faced, wearing glasses —

"helllooo..." you adjusted the camera at the foot of the bed and you laid on your stomach in front of it. "yesterday... i met kim hongjoong-sunbaenim of ateez..." you paused as you thought about what to say next — you didn't want a script, you wanted to stay yourself: authentic and genuine.

"and today, i was very disappointed because many fates say that we are dating and expressed their hatred for the idea... i would like to point out that i only admire him now as my senior and inspiration for being an idol! i would like to address that, honestly, the dating rumors are a bit ridiculous just because i said i had a crush. it was my first time meeting hongjoong-sunbaenim," your tone was a bit defensive and pouty, you paused as you fiddled with your earring and stared at the camera, snivveling.

"it was my very first time meeting him, it was awkward. more awkward than if he was with a regular fan, maybe because i am an idol and i expressed my admiration for him very publicly, but he was very kind and considerate about it. he really expressed his appreciation for me as his junior and atiny and that was the extent of our interaction. i hope you guys don't spread rumors like this again even if it's true, it would be private business and you shouldn't gossip about someone's love life like this. if you guys like it so much, i suggest you guys focus on your own." you make a light joke of the situation, slightly hoping you don't get hate for that as well. soon after that live, you posted a selfie you took with hongjoong at the fansign event with the caption "forever atiny! 🫶" and you decided to stop and stray away from the whole hongjoong topic because you didn't want to cause him any more trouble.

luckily, after that, many fates decided to come forward and be more open as they showed a lot of support for you and hongjoong.

"this is ridiculous! she shouldn't have to address those dumb rumors, please respect them! they are idols, your baseless rumors could ruin their career."

"i feel so bad for her and hongjoong. i love their innocent chemistry and i believe they should interact more often! male and female idols should be able to interact without being "accused" of dating. like she said, even if they are, it is none of our business! so sad that she'll probably have avoid him after this. so disappointed in whoever made the rumors."

months later, your group and ateez both were in Chicago, USA for your comeback world tour at the same time and while you were there, you decided to attend their concert and you screamed at the top of your lungs and went along every fan chant like a pro, you were far away from the stage so there were no hopes of being noticed — since it was convenient, your managers decided that your group and ateez should collaborate on dances of your comeback title songs, and naturally, you and hongjoong were paired together by your managers in hopes of using this dance as a warning for fans not to mess with the two of you. much to your convenience, the title track of your comeback album is "idgaf."

"hongjoong-sunbaenim!" you slightly jogged over to him and the staff and group members and bowed as deep as you could, your manager and fellow DESTINY members following close by.

"there's no need for that," hongjoong waves you off as you came back up and you chuckle slightly as you awkwardly look around the silent room — you often gossiped with your members about how you'd 'let hongjoong do things to you' among other questionable remarks, and right now you silently hope they wouldn't say a word about it. "i already learned the dance earlier, it's really good! i heard you choreographed it? " hongjoong attempts at small talk and you nod politely in response, holding your hands together, noticing the ateez members behind him glancing at you guys, whispering, and chuckling.

"yes, it took me a month to perfect the choreography before i taught my members." you explain, but before hongjoong could continue, one of the staff unknowingly interrupts your chat.

"okayyy, let's get started! in your positions, please."

you guys complete the dance on the second take, and once it was posted, the fans absolutely adore your chemistry (just as you did) they fawn over the idea of you and hongjoong together (just as you did).

after the posting of the dance, you have a casual live featuring your group mate, nina, who also spoke english. the theme; "doing face masks in my bed and eating ramen." during that very live, you receive a notification while your friend talks to the viewers. you picked you your phone to check what it was, your heart almost literally stopped.

kim hongjoong...

was...

following you back on instagram.

your eyes almost popped out of your head and you let out a really long high pitched screech.

"what? " nina looks at you, befuddled but laughing at your odd reaction. after a few seconds you still don't respond to her as you kick your feet. "ya, what is it? " she attempts once again and lean over your shoulder to check your phone but you slam it down on the bed. you slowly turn to her, trying and failing to contain your smile as you whisper so the audience couldn't hear.

"hongjoong-sunbaenim is following me on instagram..."

her eyes widen and she smiles. "are you sure?" she asked in a high pitched voice and you nodded frantically, showing her your phone. her smile widens and the two of you couldn't hold it in anymore — you both begin squealing and grabbing each others hands live and the fate's comments kept coming in.

"what are you two talking abouttt???"

"i didn't hear what she said!"

fans would soon understand what you were screeching about and this time, instead of dating rumors, it was "feeling" rumors. fans would gossip and speculate about how you two obviously had feelings for each other, other speculations include your "random chemistry" with hongjoong to be a marketing strategy — to always put you two together to gather more attention, likes, and fan reactions.

what they don't know is that they are correct on both accounts; because you and hongjoong so obviously had feelings each other the staff would always put you together.

the tipping point.

hongjoong posted a picture on his story of a ticket purchase to your world tour comeback concert.

the concert is coming to an end.

DESTINY is singing the encore, which is also your last chance; ever since hongjoong posted that on his story you made a plan. but you told everyone that it was in the heat of the moment when you did it. that's what you told yourself — the adrenaline, your sore muscles, your vocal cords beginning to strain, the screams of fate, the sound of your heartbeat, the thought of hongjoong. your lines in the song were coming close — before the beat drops, you skip toward the center and you raise your hand, microphone close to your mouth, you screamed.

"HONGJOONG-SUNBAENIM!" you scream out, your voice echoing through the arena. "this one's for you!" the fate fans erupt into a frenzy of deafening screams and cheers. the stunned expressions of the DESTINY members are captured on the iphone cameras held by fans. "FATE! let me hear you FUCKING SCREAM YOUR HEARTS OUT!" you shout, launching into the chorus of the song. as the beat drops and the intensity kicks in, everything around you becomes a hazy blur, and for a moment, your mind goes blissfully blank.

as the concert reaches its finale, the members of DESTINY retreat backstage to catch their breath and decompress. you immediately seek refuge in the nearest chair, plopping down and exhaling a loud, tired sigh.

"ya, y/n, what were you thinking?" nina sits on the chair next to you. "we don't know what could happen now."

that was the worst possible feeling to have as an idol. the anxiety of what comes next.

...it reminded you of the time mingi swore to jongho on a live.

"it's not that big of a deal," you say as you chug and finish an entire bottle of water. "it's to feed fate's hunger..."

"yaaah, how you think hongjoong-sunbaenim would react? " she ponders and you shrug, choosing not to think about it. despite your nonchalant demeanor, you completely regret it. 'how would everyone react?' sure, you constantly openly express your admiration for him everywhere else, but onstage was something else, 'what happened to professionalism?' you sigh and put your hand on your forehead. you're going to get in a lot of trouble with your manager now.

that nonsense yet iconic line would get you the title of the "most ballsy k-pop leader of the 5th generation " which is also the headline of the hit article that would later accuse you of being "too forward" with your "poor attempt" at bringing modern media and standards to korean culture and k-pop. back then, your line at the concert would not be acceptable, but now there are so many of your fans — your fates defending you, supporting you, and fighting all of the haters and closed fates who openly express their distaste and negativity for your unprofessional behaviour. you still believe that you deserve at least half of it.

it's no surprise that hongjoong doesn't share or post any public reaction to your iconic line of 2024, unlike you, an immature newer idol, he has been in the entertainment industry longer and is an expert on how to maintain professionalism, especially when it comes to dating scandals. agh, he probably lost his respect for you after that moment.

another few weeks pass. to your surprise, even after your unprofessional behaviour, DESTINY was invited to an award show, and during one of the performances, nature called, so you got up to head to the bathroom. in one of the hallways, the smallest of small chances and the most cliche of cliches happened. you and hongjoong stood in front of each other at the hallway that led to the bathrooms, you bow deeply and greet him softly, a bit embarrased you hunch in shame. "hello..."

"y/n-ah! " he's surprisingly relaxed, he raises a hand forward and you awkwardly double check it before high fiving him and he puts it back in his pocket. "how are you? i've actually been a bit of a fate myself these past few weeks and that thing you said at the concert wasss, wow."

'okay, so he addressed the elephant in the room just like that. was it even the elephant for him? it seemed like a koala, or... a chipmunk or something.' goes through your mind. you awkwardly chuckle and push your hair away from your face. "yeah... i'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable, i've regretted it ever since—"

"no! you don't have to be. it was cool. really cool. i liked it." he says. his cute, reassuring smile remains and you can't help but smile back.

"really?" you ask, you don't how pathetic you sound asking it but hongjoong liked how it came out of your mouth — your personality now is so soft-spoken and different from the "ballsy 5th gen leader" the internet made you out to be, he adored the duality. "i was actually super nervous, i was afraid you would think i ruined the face of my group or something and unfollow me on instagram..." you ramble nervously.

"ya, i would never! " he said and took his phone out. "i am a certified fate from here on out, you and are- are the fate-inies." he handed you his phone. "i was actually wondering if we can exchange contacts?" you look at him, shocked painted across your face.

"really???" you ask and don't hesitate to grab his phone. "of course!" you try your best not to sound too eager but of course, you fail. hongjoong laughs at your innocent reaction and you return his phone. he smiles, satisfied, and lifts it up and shaking the screen in front of you.

"i'll text you," he says casually. "will you reply?" you nod, trying to contain your smile because you don't wanna scare him away.

"of course! why else would i give you my number?" he makes way for you in the small hallway and mumbles a farewell as he waves his hand and he begins to walk away, you turn and watch him until he's out of sight before you run to the bathroom, slam the door behind you and scream your lungs out in the mirror. you totally lost the urge to pee and you return to your groupmates immediately after, already gossiping about what went down. later that night, DESTINY wins an award, you celebrate, and head back to your dorm, wash up and fall on your bed where you would receive a text from hongjoong.

hongjoong: "yo! congratulations on your win! i was very happy when DESTINY was announced and saw you onstage ㅋㅋㅋㅋ."

you bite your nail, thinking of your response.

you: "hi! tysm! congratulations on your award as well. it's expected of ateez-sunbaenim, i already see it coming ㅋㅋㅋ"

hongjoong: "ah, don't be like that. it's hard to live up to expectations"

you chuckle at his response. his typing style was different than you expected. you got ready to type out another response until he messaged again.

hongjoong: "btw, when r u available? we should celebrate our win together. as leaders."

your heart skips a beat... or two. is he asking you out?

you: "how about tomorrow night?"

hongjoong: "oh, no can do. ateez celebration party tomorrow with a few close friends."

you sigh and you're about to put your phone down for the night when you reel another vibration.

hongjoong: "unless u wanna come? ur more than welcome"

you: "idk, it might not be the best choice. will there be other female idols there?"

hongjoong: "uhh, ur being kinda dubious. do you want there to be female idols?"

you: "yes pls"

hongjoong: "then there will be female idols there. why? are you going to choose them over me?"

you: "ㅋㅋㅋㅋ only if the entirety of blackpink are there."

hongjoong: "it might seem crazy what i'm 'bout to say..."

hongjoong: "sorry but lisa was all we could book 4 the night"

you: "U FR?!"

hongjoong: "no"

hongjoong: "ateez is not made of gold. lisa-sunbaenim is also busy with more important matters"

hongjoong: "ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ"

hongjoong: "...are you still coming?"

hongjoong: "..."

hongjoong: "y/n?"

you: "yes! it sounds great"

hongjoong: "great. i'll send u the details, see u there ;)"

...is that a fucking winky face? you swear this man is the bane of your existence.

you go to the party alone — and surprisingly, it isn't the small gathering you expected, there were so many recognizable faces, not just of idols, but actors. the venue is a large vip lounge of an underground club in the city. the interior was obnoxious and practically made of gold —you look around and see choi san leaning on a wall, alone. he's a familiar face that you're comfortable talking with. you make eye contact across the room and you walk your way toward him confidently. "hello, sunbaenim!! congratulations on your win~" you give him a soft smile and he smiles back, taking a sip from the glass in his hand — is that brandy? you watch as he silently puts the cup down on the table next to him without so much as a thanks to your greeting, he puts his hands on each of your cheeks, and you wonder if his drunk until you're flustered as he forcibly turns your head 90° to the right.

"hyung is over there."

you easily recognize your hongjoong.

he is chatting with who you recognize to be bang chan of stray kids but your eyes just lock in on him — everyone else around is suddenly blurred and he's the only one you see. you focus on the way his lips move as he speaks, the way he softly nods — this is him when he thinks you're not watching and it's so damn hot, him being himself. the mere fact that he breathes is hot. damn, you're so in love. san chuckles at how you already forgot he was next to you, he conks you in the head and walks away.

you walk toward hongjoong and excuse yourself to their conversation. "y/n!" he says enthusiastically and places a hand around your shoulders. "bang chan, i'm sure your familiar," hongjoong says casually and he makes eye contact with someone in the room — getting distracted, he walks away. of course, it's his group's celebratoon party, you weren't the only guest he would tend to. you awkwardly look up at bang chan and wave.

"hi, sunbaenim! i really love maniac and superbowl, amazing songs!" you give him two thumbs ups and he giggles bashedly, almost blushing — you knew bangchan to alwayd be a flustered mess, he never knew how to react to compliments. "also, i subscribed to your bubble once, wowwww." you tried to make small talk and he laughed once more.

"yeahhh, i can get pretty crazy there. you know, i would also watch your lives sometimes, you're funny!" he says, and you smile.

"you really think so? aaah, i know i have a lot of cringe moments, especially when i first revealed my crush on hongjoong."

"oh yeah, no, it wasn't cringe at all! everybody in the industry already saw your chemistry from before you mentioned it. i totally support you guys haha." he speaks casually and your eyes widen.

"wh-what? support our what? what do we have? what chemistry?" you ramble and bang chan chuckles.

"relax, relax — it's nothing, just, we see your flirting here and there and you two would be so cute together. but, if you want my advise, i wouldn't recommend going public with it, honestly. DESTINY— it's DESTINY, right? you guys just debuted, i don't think having a public relationship with an idol older than you is the right career choice this early on." he says and you nod along, you totally understood where he was coming from but when you stayed silent too long for comfort, bangchan tilted his head. "hey? did i say something wrong?"

you snapped your attention back at him. "hm? yeah, i mean NO! i completely understand what you said and i agree. plus, there's nothinggg between me and hongjoong, we're just... i don't know we're, okay, so there might be a little bit of a thing, but it'll take a long time until it actually becomes something~" you giggle and bangchan giggles as well and the two of you are just a giggling mess and hongjoong comes back to join your group.

"hey, what's all the giggling about?" he moves his head to look at you, then bang chan, then you, then bang chan — "isn't this your first time being acquainted? why are you two having so much fun without me? " then bangchan just smiles, then looks at you, then hongjoong, then you, then hongjoong.

"i'll get going nowww~" he says in a goofy tone and walks away.

"what's with him?" hongjoong mutters and looks at you. "have you eaten? eat! there's plenty of appetizers and foods around—"

"hongjoong-sunbaenim," you interrupt him. "ah, no... hongjoong-oppa." you look up at him, and he stares at you, expression blank but clearly flustered at the new title he got from you. "what are we?" you decide to live up to your title as the most ballsy kpop leader of the 5th generation and he chokes on air, eyebrows raising and eyes blinking repeatedly as he processes what you said.

"um," hongjoong looks around the room nervously, maybe concerned if anyone overheard what you just said. "i... like- hm? huh? i-" he can barely get a word out and you tilt your head, maybe you shouldn't have been to forward, it was wayyy too soon.

"sorry, you don't have to answer." you say calmly and he lets out a very obvious sigh of relief and you chuckle.

"felt like i was trying to defuse a time bomb." he laughs, holding a hand over his chest and you smile as not to ruin the mood, but your next question would do just that for you.

"but... be honest, this is more than a friendship, right? " you can see his smile falter ever so slightly and the silent pause is way too long for comfort. maybe you shouldn't have asked.

"...we'll see where it goes, yeah? " hongjoong smiles. you nod in understanding and he pets your head ever-so-softly as not to ruin your hair. "let's go, let's enjoy the party."

later that night, he takes you to your dorm in the same car he is being driven home in — he waves goodbye and you bow politely. "i'll text you!" hongjoong says, loud enough for you to hear. the car drives off in the distance and you smile and wave. "i'll reply!" you yell back.

your relationship lasted in the talking stage for a few months. rumors were nonexistent because you and hongjoong didn't have to express your attraction to each other through lives and posts and stories anymore, fans assumed it was because the staff felt the tension between you two died down and stopped using it for clout, little did they know that it all began hiding behind closed doors through hundreds of flirty texts and phone calls, cute selcas, handmade gifts, ordering food for each other, occasional video calls, and personal dates throughout your busy schedule. you were practically dating now but you and hongjoong never had a label.

"so, what are you guys? " wooyoung would ask.

hongjoong takes a moment to answer as he scrolls through his laptop. "...we're in a situationship."

"aren't you a little too old to be afraid of commitment?"

"ya, bastard—"

it wouldn't take too long for your "situationship" to spread among other idols and since everyone else was pretty closed off or "careful" it was the gossip of the industry.

about 6 months into whatever you and hongjoong had; you two were alone together in the living room of his dorm, everyone else was out and about, busy tending to their own lives leaving you two were finally alone together. one of the few moments you treasured. you laid comfortably into his chest as you both focused on wonka (timothee ver.) playing on the flat screen tv. hongjoong subconsciously pets your hair every now and then and you nuzzled deeper into his chest but there was a lingering thought in your head that you have been meaning to ask.

"hongjoong-oppa..." you mumble. hongjoong humms in response — you feel the vibration of his voice against your ear that rests just above his chest. you shuffled to look at him, he glances at you, seeing that you're a bit serious, he pauses the movie and he sits up a bit. "...is it still to early to ask what we are?"

hongjoong's expression doesn't change. it makes it hard for you to read him and how he feels about the question you have been too scared to ask these past few weeks. hongjoong doesn't respond however, just looking at you with clueless eyes. you sigh, expressing your disappointment and gently push him back into his position on the couch and laid back on top of him.

"nevermind." you murmur. you don't wanna force him into rushing the relationship or do anything he's uncomfortable with, but you don't want to wait too long either. shouldn't the two of you always be on the same page? you sigh again the more you thought about it, but your thoughts were interrupted as soon as hongjoong pushed you back up into your position.

"no," he simply said. "it's not too soon. in fact, it's a little late." he began and you started listening to him, pout evident on your face. hongjoong takes a deep breath. "the truth is, i have been thinking about this topic... me and some of the members would talk about it, and they kept telling me to "put a label on it," but my response was always that i was too scared." you looked at him, brows furrowed. "i really like you, y/n. it scares me." he whispers.

"...you don't... have to be scared." you say softly.

"i know, i know—" he rubs his forehead and he lets out a deep sigh. "but a label makes it so official, y'know...? "

"i know, oppa, but if our relationship, is not going anywhere then we might as well stop now." you can feel the anger in you bubbling up. "i don't date around, you know. you said yourself that you wanted to see where this would go, it's been months and after everything we've done together, i still can't believe we're not even called boyfriend and girlfriend," you pause to take a breath and calm yourself down. "i don't want to force you anything, but i just, i can't help but think that you don't want to continue this but you're too afraid to tell me. i don't want to wake up tomorrow and you change your mind and decide that you don't want me anymore, i need to propose an ultimatum." you pause, licking your lips nervously. "if you don't want to be my boyfriend now then maybe you shouldn't be my boyfriend at all."

you rambled on like you usually do, but hongjoong doesn't want to interrupt you, he never wanted to, he loves listening to you talk, but hearing the words that came out of your mouth upset him.

"...y/n, don't get me wrong," he began. "i want to be your boyfriend and i want you to be my girlfriend, i want a label, but you have to understand that it's hard for me..." he explained calmly, voice soft.

his words don't change how you feel, and you frown. "then why? what are you waiting for—? " your words are interrupted when you feel his lips smash into yours in a soft and wet kiss, it's almost aggressive but eventually, it melts into a tender, passionate connection before pulling away. you look at hongjoong, a little dazed but befuddled. that was the last thing you expected but somehow it calmed your nerves, unlike his words. you look away from him as a blush creeps into your face — that was your first ever kiss with him. "why'd you do that..? "

"because, y/n," hongjoong softly squishes your cheeks and guides you to look into his eyes. "you're beautiful. not just physically — your personality is beautiful, your passion is beautiful... you're a wonderful person and i am very lucky to have you." you're glad that you're looking at him because you can see the sincerity in his eyes. "...and i love how much you care and i- i know that i am ready to have a label, it's just that i told you... i'm scared... but, i guess, we don't always jump into things prepared..." he says and your expression softens. you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him just a little bit closer. "y/n... can i be your boyfriend?" he asks softly.

"of course. what's wrong with you?" you playfully hit his chest and pull him into another short kiss. "i literally had a breakdown about the fact that you didn't wanna be my boyfriend and you're still asking me if i want you to be my boyfriend?" you laugh, hongjoong leans in, another small kiss.

"ya, don't tease me." he mumbles against your lips and you smile mischievously.

"or what~?" you ask, suggestively tilting your head as you look into his gorgeous eyes. hongjoong simply chuckles at your boldness and pecks your cheek, pulling you in for a proper hug and he whispers in your ear.

"don't push it," you were shocked at how deep his voice became. "i might not be able to contain myself..." he says casually and lays back down as if he didn't just leave you wet. "...right, let's continue the movie." he grabs the remote from the table and unpauses it. you just sit there, high and dry.

it's been a year since you and hongjoong have been together, fans are still unaware but catch on to random hints and slip-ups here and there but usually they are too far fetched to be considered a "soft launch" (like you accidentally calling hongjoong "oppa" on a livestream), and only ateez and DESTINY know that your relationship is official official (even your managers don't know, which made it super difficult to go on dates.)

their reactions include but are not limited to:

"finally. you two were beginning to be insufferable..." — DESTINY

"NO WAYYY!?!? THAT'S SO GREAT!!!" — Ateez

"oppaaa!" you yell loudly as you enter the dance studio hongjoong and a few of his members were practicing in. it was late at night and not many people were in the building at the time, you ran over to him and jumped in his arms.

"hi, baby! what are you doing here so late?" he kisses your cheek as he carries you by your thighs against him and you look into his eyes.

"why? can't i see my baby while he's working? " your arms are wrapped around his neck and you kiss his nose, he smiles and scrunches his nose, nuzzling it into yours like a rabbit.

"ahh, come on, you know you're my baby!" he says in a sweet aegyo voice and you giggle. he puts you down and seonghwa walks by.

"come on guys, seriously, i think i might barf..."

"i know, 'oppa, you're my baby, not just that — i want your babies~'" san decides to join in and mock you two with a skit and feigning a high pitched voice. pretending to be you and that seonghwa was hongjoong, playfully hitting his chest.

"ya, stop that, you weirdo—" seonghwa chuckles and hits san back.

you both ignore them, already used to their antics. you hold hongjoong's hands, looking into his eyes. "oppa, wanna go get a snack?"

"totally! let's go." he lets go of your left hand and holds on to your right as he leads you out the dancing studio and into the corridor. "so, where are we going?"

"what? why would i know? i thought you knew." you say, dumbfounded.

"why should i know? you're the one who suggested that we go out for a snack!" he exclaims.

"okay, okay! sooo... let's just go back to the dancing studio? " you turn around and hongjoong pauses, his smile remains the same.

"...actually, i have something else in mind." his voice is soft yet deep — you tilt your head in curiosity as he leads you to the end of the corridor and to the elevators, clicking the down button.

"...soo, are you going to tell me or..?"

"let's hang out in my studio."

this was undeniably the smartest idea Hongjoong had come up with since the beginning of your relationship (considering your surprise). it was incredibly rare for the two of you to get some precious alone time together, so you vowed to savor every single moment. laying on the couch in your favorite position (with you comfortably sprawled on top of him), a soothing silence enveloped the room, where the sound of your synchronized breathing patterns filled the air.

"'joong," you mumble, almost falling asleep, eyes closed. you shift on top of him and feel something rather peculiar down there. your eyes shot wide open. "'joong?!" you playfully hit his chest and sit up. "ya, i thought we were just chilling!"

"sorry! sorry- i couldn't help it, you were positioned so-" he pauses, staring at you as you urged him to continue with a smile and furrowed brows. "nevermind, nevermind, lay back down. it's chill, i promise."

"no," you suddenly say.

"no???" hongjoong questions. "wh- what do you mean?" he tries to laugh it off.

"i mean no, you said it was my fault. i have to help you," you innocently said and slid off of him, going on your knees on the floor.

"woah, woah, woah, wait- no, y/n, i can't let you do that," hongjoong attempts to pull you back up, but you refuse, your hands rest on his thighs, looking up at him with sparkling eyes, eagerly waiting for him to say yes. it's difficult for hongjoong to say no to that expression, he curses under his breath, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. "ahh, shit." he grumbles. "have you ever even sucked a dick, y/n?" he looks down at you, and you shake your head.

"no," you innocently respond. "but i can learn with you right? it's difficult for me to have a sex life, y'know, with our schedules and all."

"yeah, yeah…" he looks away, hand covering the flush of his cheeks.

"…wait," you suddenly stood up. "is this your way of telling me you've been sucked off before?"

"was that your way of telling me you've never been fucked before?" hongjoong quipped.

"is that your other way of telling me you've fucked someone else before?!" you shot back.

he chuckles, "c'mon, baby, this is a good thing!" he runs his hands up and down your arms, attempting to soothe your annoyance, although he's not quite sure whether you're joking or serious. "i could teach you a thing or two, you know? how does that sound, sweetheart?" he stands up and spins around, gently guiding you to sit on the couch with him. despite your earlier irritation, you can't help but giggle as he showers your face with kisses, eventually kissing your lips and coaxing you to lay down on the couch as the make-out session intensifies. he climbs on top of you, grinding his hips into yours, you whine into his kiss. "you like that?" hongjoong mumbles in between kisses, abruptly pulling away to rid of his clothing, prompting you to get rid of yours.

you were practically drooling over his cock, already waiting for him to trace it to your entrance as he wrapped his hand tightly around himself, but he didn't. instead, he leaned back on the other end of the couch, head thrown back as he pumped himself hard. as much as you were disappointed, you gotta say, what a fucking sight. the kim hongjoong was masturbating in front of you, to you. eager, you leaned forward and wrapped your hands around his hand that pumped his cock, wanting to make his job easier, hongjoong stared at you blankly for a moment, considering what he should let you do, slowly, he guided your hands to wrap around his thick girth, urging you to pump up and down, occassionally squeezing at the tip, watching as his precum escaped.

"fuck," hongjoong cursed under his breath. "ah, shit, shit, wait," he pulled your hands off of him. concerned you might've hurt him or done a bad job, you pulled away and watched as he ran a hand through his hair. "sorry, i was just so close to cumming." he mumbled, covering his face with both hands in shame.

you tilt your head, confused. "that's a good thing, though."

"no, no, i wanna make you cum first, baby…" his hand met your cheek, stroking it gently. "you want my tongue or fingers?"

"mmh, cock…" you mumbled, laying on your back and spreading your legs, showing your pretty, tight hole on fully display for him to use. "i want your cock, hongjoong…"

"fuck," hongjoong cllimbed over you and eagerly placed his tip at your entrance. who the hell was he to say no to his innocent baby? he stuck two fingers inside you, collectine some of your arousal to wrap around his cock as lubrication, "fuck, will you be able to take me?" he slowly pushed his tip inside, already struggling as your poor pussy hole fluttered around him. "baby, i don't think it'll fit-" he almost laughed.

"it'll fit!" you whined, grabbing his bare forearms. "i've fingered myself thinking about this moment many times, baby, it'll fit, make it fit, please, i want this, rip me apart, baby-"

slowly, hongjoong bottomed out inside you. the stretch stinging you — he almost came at your mere words and he didn't want to hear another second of it, so he patiently settled inside you for a moment, letting you get used to the sensation before he couldn't take it anymore. he might accidently cum inside you with the way your tight virgin hole squeezed around his long, fat cock. his pace started off slow, he pulled out at his tip before harshly slamming back inside you. you whined. "j-joong," you blubbered. "not too hard."

"okay, baby, i'm sorry," hongjoong leaned down, placing a kiss on your lips before slamming back inside you, slowly and gently. he set the vanilla pace. fuck, fuck, fuck, he was fucking you so good. you hated the thought that he had done this with other girls, but then again, if he didn't then he probably wouldn't have had the skill to fuck you like this right now.

"aah- faster," you whined and hongjoong complied, wanting nothing but to please you, to make your first time memorable. he thrust harder into you, his cock hitting your sweet spot you never even knew existed. "aah! ahhh~!" you involuntarily whined, you had never felt so good in your life, you never felt this before, the desire to reach your climax and the desire to never want this feeling to end. "i-i'm cumming, 'joong-" you whined as he fucked harder into you, abrupt thrusts, his head rested in the crook of your neck, letting out soft groans, his warm breath against your skin.

"cum for me, baby, that's right," he groaned as you squeezed tightly around him, creaming around his cock. "fuck, fuck, that's right baby…" he whispered, reaching his climax as well and painting your insides whiter than they have ever been.

"mmng…" you moaned, you couldn't get a word out even if you wanted to. too fucked out to form a coherent thought, hongjoong stayed inside of you until he softened. he pulled out, placing a kiss on your lips and nose.

"fuck, you took me so well, baby, you know that?" he made his way to face your pussy and began pushing the cum back inside your small hole. "mmh, your first time, you had a creampie? what a dirty slut you are, hmm?" he whispered, kissing the inside of your thigh before grabbing your discarded panties from the floor and sliding it back up your legs. all you could let out was a helpless whine, hongjoong dressed himself up, climbing into the couch wiht you, cuddling your naked, fucked out form into his fully clothed one. "sleep, baby, i'll clean you up at my dorm tomorrow, m'kay?"

"y'sure..?"

"yes, baby, don't worry."

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tvwebs · 3 months ago

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CRIMSON SMOKE (one-shot)

Warnings: no smut, male reader, goth!reader, might be occ, can be any Deadpool media, smoking

notes;;

• he calls you 'spooky'

• no use of Y/n

• established relationship

• quite short ig

a/n: tried to do a new style

It's been a month since you and Wade became official. You like the guy, you think he's hilarious! And so far, everything is quite nice. Wade is incredibly sweet in his own way- yeah sure the 3AM texts with memes are annoying but you appreciate the thought.

Tonight you were sitting at your usual hang out place, the local cemetery, you know this looks bad but it's calming and to know that these people had hopes, dreams, a life. It's sad but..somehow it's nice to think about (somewhat cause that's just plain creepy) but of course Wade doesn't get it.

He disturbs your philosophy thinking with smoking time with his voice. "Y'know if I knew sooner that you were into these type of places I would've called you on a date for a movie night, the movie would be ghost busters." He teased as he breaks the silence, his tone was laced with affection and somewhat sarcasm. He strolls up to your signature spot and sits beside you under that tree you really like- you roll your eyes the comment he made.

You look at him to continue the sudden conversation he started. "Well, I guess it's just me that's a bit freaky huh?" Wait that came out wrong. Your expression now expressing that cringed confusion. Wade finds it funny though (someone please take internet slang away from him)

"don't worry, bae" we match each other's freak quite nicely." Somebody stop him. You cringe at that while holding your cigarette between your fingers, Wade chuckles. "You're quite weird Wade." And you respect that. Despite Wades childish, dirty minded, idiotic antics you find comfort in just being with him, talking to him. It was calming more than anything

"never thought I would've seen you right back here again Spooky." He said as he jokingly called you 'spooky' he says it's a replacement for 'pookie'

"of course I am, I thought you liked my whole goth style." You teased a bit before taking a huff on your cigarette, Wade might've just gained another bone right there and there.

He responds with "Oh I do babe, I think that it's funny that you're playing into it. Your practically an old 2010s cartoon goth!" He joked without any ill intend. 'huh, guess I am practically one huh?' you think to yourself. You think of a comeback to his comment.

"well- at least I'm not some edgy ninja oc." You said trying to act cool, not working and plus that comeback was WEAK. Wade laughs at you.

"you gotta try harder then that spooky~!" He teased. He pokes your cheek teasingly as you're embarrassed by it. You push him away, making him land on the floor.

"Ow, but how forward of you!" He said happily. "But in all seriousness babe, I find your goth aesthetic really hot. I've gotta hand it to ya, you really are committed to this goth thingy, I mean it's straight out of a tim Burton dream..but sexier." You raise your eye brow at him

"what?"

"you're hot."

You roll your eyes at him, AGAIN. He's ridiculous, an idiot even. He moves closer to you and puts his arm around you romantically. "This is such a cool concept fic.." he commented against the authors will. You look at him confused, he's always on something.

You pull out your cigarette box and get a cig. "You wanna..?" You asked patiently at Wade. He stares at you for a moment, before tugging a smirk in the corner.

"Trying to corrupt me emo prince?" Ugh you hate it when he calls you that. "Oh the shame, you are promoting smoking..don't do what they do guys." You look at him annoyed and confused.

"you could've just said, no." He chuckles at your comment. You ignore that chuckle and just start smoking a new cig, Wade just admires you, your expression, your makeup, your outfit, basically everything. You leaned your head onto his shoulder a little tired.

"tired, spooky?" He asked teasingly you respond with a 'uh-huh' causing him to smile a bit under that mask. He pulls you into his chest and he starts caressing your head "yeah..that's what happens when you're awake at 3am and go to the graveyard." He sarcastically says and you groan in annoyance and tiredness

"so where do you wanna sleep tonight? My place or your place?" He asked curiously, you just shrug as you rub your eyes.

"what's closer, I guess.." you respond.

"So my place then?" He said with a smug smirk under his stupid mask. He pulls away your cigarette, and just kisses your forehead under the mask.

#deadpool and wolverine #marvel #deadpool x reader #wade wilson #wade wilson x reader #x m!reader #male reader #they/them #marvel comics #deadpool #haha ..#hehehe..#i spent all day on this wdym its short..#goth reader

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bbybluemochi · 1 year ago

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bbybluemochi's F.A.Q. ✧･ﾟ

Hi! Arun here! I thought that instead of answering your submissions one by one I’d gather all the frequently asked questions and answer them in a single post (this is a mix of art/OC/commissions related q's)!

Please note that I do read all your messages and I’m so grateful for every one of them!!!! I keep all your words really close to my heart, thank you for liking my art and loving my Ocs as much as I do, it means the world to me <3

What’s the name of your OCs?

They’re called Cotton (the blonde one) and Puppy (the dark haired one). The original idea for them was to make some silly wolf/bunny OCs (that’s why Cotton is called like that, it was supposed to be a joke about her tail…) but somewhere along the way they took over and became something completely different!

Is there a webcomic for your OCs?

Not currently! I don’t have the time or the skills (for now) but I’d love to give it a try in the future!

I was wondering if you mind people using your OC art as character art/inspiration for DnD?Just games with friends that are for fun, nothing for commercial.

Go ahead! I find that really flattering.

Just out of curiosity, are any of your OCs bisexual?

Both Cotton and Puppy are lesbians. That’s what I feel comfortable drawing since I’m a lesbian myself. If I ever do draw a bisexual OC I’ll make sure to mention it! <3

I think you said Cotton was a dominatrix in a previous ask, but is Puppy on the opposite side of the spectrum or is she just glad to be there whichever way?

Puppy is very much a sub. They both switch (Puppy as a service top and bottom and Cotton as a top and power bottom), but the dom/sub dynamic never changes. Also I wanted to mention that these dynamics do not transcend outside of the bedroom that much, there’s more to them than their kinks but I do love to draw them deep in their submissive/dominant headspaces.

Are one of the lesbian fairytale characters trans?

I didn’t design either of them with that in mind, but I’m super OK with people headcanoning them as trans!

May I use your art as a header/icon?

Of course! Remember to credit me tho~

Do you allow people to use your art freely?

I don’t allow reposts of my work (not that it matters that much, since almost all my art has been already reposted a million times ))): but I’d really appreciate it if you just shared my posts instead of reposting my art). As for phone backgrounds/wallpapers or stuff like that, yeah!

Do you have an instagram account or other social media, I would love to follow you there.

My main platform is twitter (same @), I post all my drawings there and I’m usually more active over there. Tumblr is kind of like an archive. I really like the community here but I find it easier to reply/interact with people on twitter! As for instagram, I do have an old art account (same @, again) but I haven’t posted in so long. I may start posting there soon if a certain rich guy decides to keep destroying the bird app tho.

I’ve always thought about this… how do you think it’d look if the aesthetics/styles [of your OCs] were reversed?

I’ll have to explore that in a future drawing, I haven’t thought much about it!

Do you write fics for your characters or has anyone else written fics about them?

Not yet! A couple of my friends have offered, tho! I usually like to stick to drawing because that’s what I do best, I don’t wanna subject anyone to my writing (it’s not very good,,,,). When I share some of my Ocs stories, I think it will be in comic format.

What's the story behind your OCs?

There are several, actually!! I like to put my OCs in different universes. As for now, there’s the Fairytale AU, the modern setting AU (this is the original one), and now the Werewolf/Vampire AU. I also did a drawing of them as spiderwoman and black cat but I don’t think that AU is gonna make a comeback for a while. I’m also planning a scifi AU but I’m not sure I’d be able to pull off that aesthetic with my current art style so I’m still working on it.

The Fairytale AU is the one I’m working on most of the time. I wanna release a small artbook with their story + illustrations. That was my main goal for 2023 but life got in the way, so maybe,,, 2024??? *crosses fingers*

Is your shop down? It’s saying that it’s not available.

I open my shop for 1-2 weeks every now and then, that’s why it’s closed most of the time! My plan is to open the store again in september, if i manage to finish all the merch in time! I’ll announce it on my twitter and tumblr account when I do.

Would you ever share a tutorial on how you make your art?

Yes, of course! I’m not very good at explaining my drawing process but If it helps anyone I’d love to! Just let me know what part of the drawing process you’d like me to focus on, because If i try to make a full illustration tutorial it’s gonna be too long/difficult to follow.

May I ask what brush do you use for your lineart?

I use a different brush almost every time I start an illustration, I’m not very consistent when it comes to that (I think it’s mainly because I haven’t found the perfect brush yet!). But let me know what illustration you’re curious about and I’ll try to remember which one I used!

Do you come up with poses off the top of your head or do you use some type of reference? I always struggle with them.

It depends on what I’m drawing! Some of my drawings are reinterpretations of paintings (I’m obsessed with pre-raphaelite painters and arthurian legend paintings in general), so in those cases I try to adapt the poses to my art style. Even If I’m trying to recreate an already existing painting I end up changing the poses/proportions a lot along the way to fit my personal taste/art style.

Other times, I just sketch from imagination (this is more entertaining, I think, since looking at references can make the drawing process a bit tedious). If I find it hard to draw a certain pose/part of the body I will look up references on printerest, no shame in using pictures! If I still can’t find the pose I need I’ll just take a picture of myself (this is like, a last resort for me. I’m too lazy for this).

My personal advice would be to use references for the pose and then tweaking the pose and trying to make it more personal

I love the way the armor was designed and rendered! Can you share some tips on designing armor?

Drawing armor is something I still struggle with most of the time. I think I’ve learned a lot in the past year (please don’t look at my armor drawings from 2022,,,,, sigh) but I still struggle to draw certain poses/angles. My advice is: don’t hesitate to draw non-functional armor!!! There’s always gonna be someone like “actually, that armour makes no sense :)” well !!!! it looks cool as hell so who caresssss !!!!!

I think it’s more important for you to get comfortable drawing armor before you start beating yourself up for not drawing accurate ones. It takes a lot of practice (I’m still learning!!!), especially if you’re trying to draw historically accurate ones, so start by having fun, and then work your way up from there.

Most of the tips I can think about are really hard to explain without a visual example, so let me know if that’d be a tutorial you would be interested in and I’ll try to make one (I’m cringing a little just saying this bc I swear, my armor skills are so bad compared to some amazing artists out there………..).

Do you allow cosplays your OCs?

YES…. YES PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM BEGGING YOUUU ILL LOVE YOU FOREVER !!!!!! *rattles my cage*

Do you allow fanart of your OCs?

Again,,, PLEASEEEEEEEEE !!! Just tag me so I don’t miss it and remember to give me credits if you do !!!!!!!!!!! :D

I was wondering if you use procreate , clip studio, or similar apps?

A mix of both. I used to draw on procreate only until I got a tablet and now I’m a clip studio user (csp sponsor me please), and now that’s all I use. I’m so used to drawing on PC now that I don’t think I’d be able to go back to procreate, but I still like that app a lot! All my drawings (even the ones I do on csp) always get retouched on procreate because I like some of the effects (*dreamy sigh* chromatic aberration filter,,, love u).

I wanted to know if the marks Cotton has on her waist are tattoos or like a scar?

Those are tats! Puppy is a tattoo artist ~~~ (I’m actually not sure if i’ll keep the waist tats on Cotton or if I’ll end up redesigning them,,,)

I was wondering if you take commissions?

Not right now. I also don’t have any plans of opening commissions any time soon! When I do, I’ll post a google forms on twitter and here on tumblr with the prices and type of comms I do. But there’s nothing scheduled.

Even tho I'm not doing commissions atm, I’m currently looking for illustration jobs (specially book covers), so don’t hesitate to email me at [email protected]

That's all for now, thank you for reading!! I think I covered most of the questions, I'll make another q&a post in the future! Bye~~

#frequently asked questions #faq #ask

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coeurcanelle · 4 months ago

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☆Baby,the stars shine bright☆pt6

pt5

inspired by the 'kamikaze girls',♡ always had unconditional love for lolita fashion and nothing else but when she met ellie,an auburn haired girl whos part of a gang with a dad's fashion sense ,her love for clothes begins to compete with her growing feelings for ellie

strangers to friends to lovers,love-hate friendship,opposite aesthetics,early 2000s

wlw,fluff

wc:8k

loud scream was heard all around the house, immediately waking up Ellie. The bed was empty beside her, and you were nowhere to be seen in her room, so she ran to search for you.

Mars ran away from the bathroom door, using the chairs in the living room as her hiding spot. Ellie's eyes drifted from her cat to the bathroom door. She approached it, turning the doorknob while imagining the worst.

There she found you.

"wat's wrong with you? don't tell me you got jumpscared by a spider or something."

Mixed emotions washed over her: relief and confusion. She hated waking up to clock alarms, but your screaming was by far the worst. She was even more puzzled seeing you standing next to the large mirror, holding the same bonnet you wore yesterday.

"it's worse than that," your voice filled with sorrow, making Ellie furrow her eyebrows in confusion. Only her fear of spiders could make her scream like that. But when you clearly showed her the small holes in your bonnet, she didn't need any clearer explanation for your reaction.

Your ears quickly turned red when you saw Ellie raising one eyebrow at you; you might have overreacted. "sorry, but if you think about it, it's not entirely my fault."

Ellie scoffed. How was she to blame?

It was you who fell on your own that night you both left the casino. If you didn’t call her the names you did, she wouldn’t have chased after you. She didn't need to lift a finger to make you regret your words, not when gravity became your worst enemy at that moment.

"you're such a drama queen. Just get a new one. Besides, what's done is done. At least next time you'll watch your mouth before calling me stupid names." Her hand still reached to grab your bonnet, wanting to know if it was that badly messed up for you to react so negatively.

"you sure don't get anything in fashion. It was a limited edition, dumbass." You handed the accessory to her. Since it had gotten into a mediocre state, its worth was now reduced to nothing to you. It would finally meet its destined fate and be thrown in the trash.

Carefully, Ellie inspected your item and even tried to slide her fingers through the small holes.

"well, you're definitely not a smartass for wearing this AND trying to annoy the shit out of me." Her fingers swiftly passed through the holes; she wiggled them at you, doing a good job of pissing you off.

It was just morning, and you could already feel grumpiness sticking with you all day.

You snatched your bonnet out of Ellie's hands, earning a smug grin from her that you couldn't snatch away from her face. "you're so fucking immature."

All you wanted to do was to go home and start all of this over, wishing for a miracle and hoping to find the exact same bonnet in any nearby shops.

"you can't call me that too." Ellie crossed her arms and blocked the way out of the bathroom so you couldn't leave, even if you truly didn't want to.

You were for sure overreacting, and Ellie wasn't going to let you be all grumpy to her, not when she thought of a solution to help you and not when both of you spent a dreamlike night yesterday.

The clock was ticking 9 am, signaling it was her breakfast time, but the only thing she needed at the moment was that smile of yours to make a comeback.

So she suggested: '"you know what, I'll let that slide because you're-your hat's cute."

"bonnet" you corrected.

"whatever. Just give it to me. I don't know anyone around who can do it for free, so I'll try to fix it up."Her words were anything but convincing to you. "plus, embroidery is like stitching someone up except with fabric. I'm sure I can do this with my eyes closed." she sounded more confident until she saw reluctance reappearing on your face at the last sentence.

"It's fine"*you're going to mess it up even more* you carefully didn't add.

Ellie wanted to help, and she started to get desperate. Fashion wasn't something she was particularly interested in, but she was certainly interested in you.

The way your face would beam at the sight of Lolita dresses, the way you'd work hard (scam) to get money for the sole purpose of upgrading your wardrobe, and the way you looked in the clothes you liked didn't go unnoticed by Ellie,in fact,there was nothing else she liked more than seeing you happy.

It was at this moment she also realized your connection was so strong she started to match your emotions too, and the last thing she wanted right now was to feel sad because you did.

"just give me one chance," she said, letting herself get carried away by the waves of love and affection. It was undoubted that she would do anything for you. "and if it doesn't look fashionable enough, you can lock me in your basement and leave me dying of hunger and boredom."

Your lips curved into a smile at the inside joke. "you're lucky I'm not as unhinged as you", after debating whether or not you should let Ellie fix your bonnet, you reluctantly gave it to her to put an end to her persistence, but not without lessening your worries.

Ellie was thankful that you trusted her, and now that your bonnet's future was placed in her hands, with hope and determination, she would give it to you all fixed up to thank you back.

"damn, you can't take a joke, can you? I don't even have a basement and even if I did— i mean..do you see me doing this kind of stuff? thats just fucking crazy. What kind of psycho would do that just for getting scammed?"Her tone was exaggeratedly bewildered as if it was something morally unthinkable, as if she didn't joke about it last night.

"It doesn't sound that unbelievable since you did think about it." Your arms crossed and you straightened your back. You recalled Ellie's serious face from last night and how she easily sent shivers down your spine. Your opinion today hasn't changed; you still found her kinda hot. "trust me, those psychos think exactly like you. They're just a little more deranged."

A sigh escaped her lips as she inspected your item, using her imagination to figure out how to sew the small holes. But if you kept teasing her, she would start to reconsider helping you.

"you can play this spot-the-difference game and all you want. You could do the same with your hat and Joel's socks once I'm done fixing it."

Yesterday, when you passed through the kitchen, the open windows offered a view of the small garden outside. The hung-up clothes slightly moved back and forth with the wind, and a few holey socks were strongly attached to the cord.

Now you know who they belonged to.

"please don't."

☆°☆•°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

With eyebrows pulled together, focused eyes, and gentle yet ineffective movements, Ellie’s determination wasn’t enough against her lack of experience. Many things that looked easy often revealed themselves to be the complete opposite.

Some stitches were too tight while others were too loose; Ellie had difficulty hand-sewing up the hole.

You both had left Joel's house to head to your own, not expecting to see your dad bringing people into the house too. It turned out he had finally found a job—something that wasn’t drastically different from what he used to do before but made him satisfied. However, you never imagined he’d once find money through being a fortune teller. But only a scammer like him didn’t mind looking absurd while predicting obvious events that eventually occur in everyone’s life.

You had led Ellie to your room at the end of the corridor and now you were sitting at the edge of your bed, with your face resting in the palm of your hand when you weren’t leaning over your desk, taking a closer look at what she was doing.

If it wasn’t for her kindness and how adorable she looked, you would have definitely taken back your bonnet already, not letting her continue her terrible job at pushing the thread in and out.

Since it was her first time doing something like this, she judged the uneven stitches to be fine, while you grimaced at the sight of them.

After finishing one hole, Ellie turned to you and held the bonnet up to you expectantly.

Your lips pressed into a thin line quickly formed an embarrassed smile.

You didn’t know what to say.

“is my work so good it got you speechless, or you don’t wanna say anything because you envy my skills?” Her grin was cocky despite her awful work. You had to do something about it (both her cockiness and her work).

“I’ll give it a 2/10 for effort and also because it’s your first try.” Your bluntness instantly made her cocky grin disappear, her lips pressed into a thin line instead.

“never meaner... and why not 3?” Ellie asked for justification. She had spent a hot minute trying to copy what you had shown her, but she couldn’t even get through the basics.

You wanted to laugh at her desperation. “maybe you’re right, I should reconsider...” You pretended to think as you put your finger on your chin, not surprising Ellie with your comeback, “1/10.”

“alright, for effort or first try?” she asked as if your answer was going to have life-changing consequences.

“whatever helps you sleep at night,” you shrugged your shoulders and tried to think of what to do with your ruined accessory. Now that Ellie had tried to help, you didn’t want it to end its life in the trash. “I’ll do it myself, I can’t stand seeing my bonnet like this.”

“then sit,” she didn’t fail to make you roll your eyes at her, smirking in return.

After giving it some thought—something Ellie is highly unlikely to do—you carefully removed the thread Ellie had stitched on the hole, throwing away 30 minutes of hard work and determination.

You told her you had another idea when you heard her dramatic gasp, and all she could do was trust the process.

As your hands were busy hand-sewing, your mind brought you back to a memory that still felt like a vivid dream.

The scent of Ellie on her clothes that you were wearing, her playing the melody of your favorite song, and her strong arms embracing you.

You slightly shook your head.

No.

One thing was in fact from a vivid dream.

At least you still got to wear her clothes, get her to play your favorite song for you, and even gaze at the stars while your heartbeats rhythmically synced.

However, you couldn’t ignore the painful pang in your chest when you remembered her embracing you with affection was just a dream.

You wanted her to hold you like this in real life too.

Once again, you shook your head to arrange your thoughts.

You were so crazy about her that the lines between imagination and reality uncontrollably started to blur!

Then 1... 2, and soon 5 petals were meticulously sewn around the hole. You had never thought of doing something so original before; maybe it was because you felt Ellie’s attentive gaze on you.

You made sewing look so easy while she struggled to get one stitch right.

Thoughts like "maybe if I'm better at this, I could make her like me more" resurfaced in Ellie’s head again.

At first, it was envy, but her admiration for you made her gradually seek approval from you, which wasn’t any easier.

Her mind was still filled with the newfound memories of yesterday: how good you looked in her clothes, the way your eyes would sparkle under the moonlight, and the sound of your uncontrollable laughter when she’d tell you something stupid. This was the recipe for making her heart melt. Words weren’t enough to perfectly describe how happy she felt, knowing she was the reason behind your bright smile.

One night wasn’t enough to satisfy her; she wanted to spend as much time with you as possible.

Maybe tonight you could hopefully recreate yesterday again, even better?

Caught staring at you, Ellie snapped her thoughts away and drifted her eyes away from you.

You had noticed Ellie’s devotion to proving herself to you, but you were against it, believing this whole comparing thing was pointless when you liked her just the way she was.

“there are about 2 holes left,” you stated, reaching your hand out for Ellie to grab your bonnet. “here, take the needle. I’ll teach you how to make flower petals instead.”

Ellie’s hand didn’t budge, and you saw the hesitation in her eyes. “bet you could do this with your eyes closed after some time,” you added before taking her hand to place your unfinished accessory in it.

She scoffed as her eyes glanced at what she was holding, the pressure to be successful coming back “I don’t think you actually want me to do that.”

“hey, you might be slow, but you’ll get the hang of it at some point,” you reassured her.

You always believed that humans were gifted with potential; they just tended to limit themselves.

Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to have something handmade from the girl you liked. “Also, my hands are getting sore.”

“so, you’re basically using me? didnt know you were like this” she exclaimed with a smirk.

“you literally begged to help me.”

"omg, I literally didn’t... why’d you—I wasn’t even that desperate.”

And the teasing went on and on until she started to turn her attention back to your bonnet.

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Once again, getting attention was something you were used to by now. You've seen so few people wearing lolita clothes that you could count them on one hand, so it was a normal reaction for people to curiously stare at you. Hence, you brushed it off when you felt the employee from your favorite clothing shop's eyes on you.

"maybe it's been a while since she last had a customer," you thought.

Totally lost in your own world, you shuffled through the stunning dresses crafted with luxurious fabrics and adorned with intricate lace, pearls, and embroidery details that were to die for.

Since Joel didn't want to spend his time shopping at the convenience store, he had sent you and Ellie with a list of things that mostly consisted of food. But after you were done with the task Joel had given you, you couldn’t wait any longer to visit the Baby, the Stars Shine Bright shop nearby, which you judged to be the best shop to ever exist in the world.

After taking a quick look at their newest collection in their showcases, you didn't waste a single second and stepped in.

Ellie aimlessly followed you around, carrying the plastic bag containing your groceries with one hand and holding yours with the other, languidly dragging her feet.

After finding your happiness, you headed towards the cashier. Faint dimples appeared on both sides of her cheeks as she smiled, enlightened to see you again. You dropped Ellie's hand as you paid for a brand new white headband, and the same employee from earlier approached you, as pleasant as the cashier, but her staring started to make you self-conscious.

"is there anything else you need, miss?" she asked, her eyes not leaving your bonnet. You readjusted it a bit nervously.

"that will be all for today, thank you" you returned an awkward smile. The employee felt sorry for her persistent gaze, but she needed to take a closer look at your accessory.

"is this bonnet purchased from here?" The employee thought it was strongly similar to one bonnet from their previous collection, except it didn't have embroidered flower petals adorning it.

She received a silent response with a positive nod from you, and you suddenly became shy.

The employee rapidly called another worker, "regina, come here, you have to look at this!"

In just a span of seconds, you became the center of attention of the whole place. Everyone was looking and pointing at the details on your bonnet, still sitting at the top of your head.

They were women with taste, and you hoped the surprise painting their faces didn't mean something about the retouches looking horrendous.

A feeling of reassurance washed over you when they started to praise you.

"beautiful, beautiful!"

"did you make this yourself? You truly are talented!"

"i wish I was this creative and knew how to do embroidery as well," they all exclaimed enthusiastically as their eyes shifted from your creation to your face repeatedly, admiring your bonnet like it was a piece of art displayed in a far-famed museum.

You were far from accustomed to getting praises, and Ellie wondered why they were all acting so excited over an accessory.

But when you told them she had helped you fix your bonnet up, all eyes turned to her, flattering her with praises as well.

One of the employees managed to get the boss out of his office upstairs, leading him to you.

It felt like time instantly stopped.

You couldn't believe what was happening.

The CEO of your favorite clothing brand, walking up to you?

It must be a dream, right?

You were too busy trying to distinguish your imagination from reality to react when he asked if he could take a closer look, suggesting you hand your bonnet to him.

Your legs suddenly felt heavy, and your vision started to darken though you had your eyes open.

You weren't here.

"wow, this is beyond wonderf-" The man didn't even have time to compliment your work before you helplessly fainted on the floor.

Alarm bells went off in Ellie’s mind. Standing beside you, she rushed down to catch your head before it could harshly hit the 'white tile,' blaming your sudden unconscious state on the tall man.

"what a reaction for a burst of joy," she sighed as she slightly shook you in an attempt to bring you back to her.

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It didn't take long to wake up, but wake up from what? Because right now, you could literally say you're living a dream.

Ellie's heart returned to its normal pace. "are you alright?" she softly asked, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear to see your awakened face more clearly.

"yeah." The realization that you had fainted in front of everyone, especially the CEO of your favorite shop, made you extremely embarrassed. After a moment, you slowly stood up, cleared your throat, and turned to the girl who had just saved your life. "you?"

Your unnecessary concern for Ellie elicited a light chuckle from her. "thanks for asking, but you're the one who nearly passed out here."

The whole room was filled with awkward and short laughs. The feeling of embarrassment flashed across your face once again, and you refused to look ahead and meet the eyes of the man who had created the source of your happiness.

Your fixed bonnet was still held by his hands. His eyes darted from you to it, with many questions eager for answers popping into his mind.

Curiosity bubbled up inside him as he wondered how one's mind could go that far and how you and your friend had created such a wonderful replica of what you had just imagined. His mind was like bubbles of curiosity ready to explode.

He carefully approached you and Ellie, offering you praise and asking various questions.

Ellie's eyes never left your face, studying every single feature as you did your best to answer as clearly as possible. Her heart swelled uncontrollably with warmth when you'd mention her helping you a lot.

After what seemed like a lifetime to Ellie, he finished interviewing you both.

He just needed one thing from you.

The sight of his hopeful and impatient eyes made your heart burn with anticipation. You tried to control your breathing, which quickened its pace, refusing to succumb to the menacing fainting.

"with an imagination and talent like yours, it would be regretful for it to go to waste," he stated, reaching out to return your item. But he didn't hand it to you when your hands nervously grabbed for it. "I wish to hire you as an embroiderer. What do you think?"

Your mind was flooded with racing thoughts about working here.

It seemed like the ideal workplace, but was it truly your ideal job?

"I just love wearing cute clothes, not necessarily making them," you confessed after a moment of silence. The female employees exchanged glances, curiosity on their faces as they wondered why such a talented person would pass up such a fortunate opportunity.

Refusing to let this be your final words, Ellie gently touched your shoulder, encouraging you to step out of your comfort zone. "are you serious? Do you realize i know how to do embroidery thanks to you? me...someone who couldn't even hold a needle without shaking and pricking my finger" Ellie took your hand, squeezing it as she urged, "this is your chance, dont fuck it up"

Refusing wasn’t an option when such a suggestion came from the CEO of your all-time favorite brand, but hearing the desperation in Ellie’s voice made you accept right away.

Working in your favorite place, surrounded by stunning dresses and accessories, and earning money from it was literally a dream job. To you, it wasn't as if he was asking you for something but rather offering you a present. You told him you could work from 8 to 6, Monday to Friday.

His eyebrows furrowed in refusal, and he thoughtfully reduced the amount of work hours since you were currently on summer break.

And just like that, you left the shop with the same smile you entered with, except it was slightly wider and brighter than usual. The realization that this dream-like moment was indeed a reality would hit you later.

You walked down the streets with ellie,both of you not knowing where to go and just mindlessly following each other.

"uh, where exactly are we going right now?" Ellie questioned, her eyes squinting at the bright sunlight directly assaulting her face.

"I don't know. I was following you." You stopped mid-track and tried to put your mind on pause. The scenes from earlier replayed in your head non-stop.

"don't freak out, but I kinda don't have a sense of direction when it comes to wandering in places I don't know." A tired sigh escaped from Ellie's mouth. When she turned around, she couldn't even recognize where you both had come from.

But this place wasn't more unrecognizable than you. It felt like your soul had left your body since you passed out, that it had stayed in 'Baby, the Stars Shine Bright,' and that you were now working on autopilot.

Ellie's eyes fell on the white summer houses around you. With such little details to distinguish them from one another, they all looked awfully similar.

Silence reigned over the avenue, unlike your mind, which was anything but quiet at this moment. "ellie," she directly shifted her gaze from the houses to you, more worried about your overwhelmed state than the fact that you were lost. "god is real."

Pure confusion replaced her worry in a split second. "what the fuck are you on? I told you, you should never try smoking."

"listen, I'm serious." Your hands found their way to her shoulders, an attempt to make her carefully listen to you. "I received his blessings, and since I'm blessed and you're my friend, it means you can be too."

If she wasn't sober right now, maybe she would have taken you a little bit more seriously.

"friend?" Her voice carried genuine surprise; she realized she forgot to ask you what you both were after last night.

"so I would be cursed if I happened to be your girlfriend?" She tried to hide her genuine surprise with sarcasm and get a possible hint from you.

Her delusional side convinced her you were her soon-to-be girlfriend, that you followed her around because you loved her, and that your love language was annoying her,secretly liking the way she looks when you succeeded.

"what? no, I mean—my point is..." Ellie's heart felt less heavy seeing you avoiding eye contact suddenly, her lips curving into a proud smile knowing the effects she had on you. "I'll help you find the founder of your gang. I can also sew your gang's name on your jacket sleeve."

At first, she didn't know why. But the pieces of the puzzle started to connect together as she realized she was your only friend.

"you don't have to look for some designer to do it for you," you continued.

It was like playing baseball with her being good at throwing the ball and you not knowing how to properly catch it.

When Ellie was openly affectionate to you, you didn't know how to receive it.

Ellie smiled a bit. "Are you sure you don't mind doing it? I mean...no pressure, okay?"

How could you know how to receive love when you didn't even know what it was to begin with?

Your parents separated when you hadn't even hit puberty, and no amount of romance novels could make up for the lack of experience of a strong and passionate bond between people in love.

For this reason, you never truly knew what that feeling was.

To make things worse, whenever you felt yourself falling for something close to love, you would unforgivingly push it and the person involved away.

Even though your mom had cheated on your father, she was still the one who had welcomed you to this world. The guilt has never left you when you chose to live with your dad over your mom, although he was a good and loving person.

You couldn't put a face onto the word 'love,' and it gradually became meaningless to you, an unfamiliar word you'd come across when flipping pages in a dictionary. But as time went by, you had rediscovered it and put clothes onto it that were also the definition of your happiness.

"I want to do it for you," you smiled back.

But if all of this was in a book, Ellie would be the major plot twist. Her definition of happiness was short and precise: you.

Ellie reached her hand out to take yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. " 'kay, if you're in, you have to promise me something."

Love hurts when one-sided. If her definition of happiness was you, she had to change your definition of happiness and add herself in it too.

If you've never learned how to receive affection, that's okay. She'd proudly volunteer to teach you and only you.

"promise me," her eyes bore into yours expectantly, "that you'll never leave me."

Because, from you, she's learned that it wasn't impossible for love to go with happiness and that pain could step out of their business.

At least, that's how she felt about you.

"of course, I promise." You stuck out your pinkie, but to your surprise, Ellie didn't.

Instead, she wrapped her arms around you before pulling you into her embrace.

Your warm hearts beat faster in sync by the second, exploding in affection.

Except Ellie's heart missed a beat when you hugged her back. She never knew she needed it until now.

Her hair smelled like vanilla, and her body felt so warm against yours.

Both of you stayed like that for God knows how long. You had lost the notion of time, and it was the least of your concerns at this moment.

Her arms were over your shoulder, a sign that she deeply trusted you.

Pulling you out of your reverie, a red Suzuki Wagon drove past the both of you. Your arms stayed on hers for a little longer, an unspoken and double-meaning promise that you'd never let her go even if she did.

It seemed the car came from the same place you both were, meaning you weren't totally lost.

So after turning on your heels, both of you started to walk your way out of the unknown avenue, hand in hand.

In the end, everything turned out fine, and you soon found your way back to Tokyo.

This time,despite the comfortable silence it was ellies mind who couldnt keep quiet.

Her giddy smile not leaving her face ever since she wrapped her arms around you,as well as the warmth in her heart.

For how long will she able to keep her feelings locked in her heart?

Though your hug meant an unbreakable promise bonding you two,she hoped it also meant something more.

She cleared her throat,when you both stopped at the train station,it was surprisingly sparse of people for such a busy time.

"so like...you have a thing for tall guys or...?"

The sight of the tall man holding your bonnet in admiration and you fainting right after this flashed before your eyes"oh my god shut up"you retorted,rolling your eyes at her whose eyes shortly sparkled with hope.

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This time, despite the comfortable silence, it was Ellie’s mind that couldn’t keep quiet. Her giddy smile hadn’t left her face ever since she wrapped her arms around you, and warmth filled her heart.

For how long would she be able to keep her feelings locked away?

Though your hug symbolized an unbreakable promise bonding you two, she hoped it also meant something more.

She cleared her throat as you both stopped at the train station, surprisingly sparse of people for such a busy time. “so like… do you have a thing for tall guys or…?”

The sight of the tall man holding your bonnet in admiration, and you fainting right after, flashed before your eyes. “oh my god, shut up,” you retorted, rolling your eyes at her, whose eyes shortly sparkled with hope.

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“…but still… you’ve never fainted like that when you first saw me.”

After stopping at Joel’s to drop off what you had bought before, both you and Ellie returned to your house, which was quieter than usual.

Your empty schedule became busy in the blink of an eye. With a brand new simple white dress needing final touches and the famous gang name to sew in under three days, there wasn’t a single second to waste. Not to mention that traveling across the country to find the mysterious gang founder was also on your ambitious list.

“why would I?”

Turning your attention away from the jacket sleeve, your eyes shifted to Ellie instead.

“maybe 'cause I carry a tremendous amount of swagger like nobody else can in this world,” her voice sarcastically filled with confidence. She said this like it was an obvious fact, and you couldn’t really disagree.

Someone who clearly doesn’t know what they’re doing but lets themselves be guided by adrenaline and curiosity. Someone who doesn’t mind taking risks as if their life could be restarted by passing a video game checkpoint. Someone who didn’t mind getting lost in the most unknown places as long as it was with you.

As much as you tried to think, no words could perfectly describe Ellie’s unequaled aura.

But you weren’t going to let her know that, not when you liked teasing her so much. “you’re still not the CEO of Baby, the Stars Shine Bright.”

“you’re right,” she started before looking away, gathering inspiration from her heart. “But I’m the CEO of making you smile.” You proved her point as your lips immediately curved into one, as if her words put a spell on you.

“It shines brighter than any star too,” she added with a playful wink, mentally cheering for having the courage to compliment you. It was a small, yet hopefully significant, step forward in what you both had.

Her words flew straight to your heart, coloring it red because of the blood but also because of your newborn love.

The transition from liking to loving Ellie had started the night you spent stargazing with her.

And now you could no longer carelessly brush off her flirtiness, not anymore.

Her compliments were seriously starting to make you feel things.

Ellie’s eyes didn’t miss yours trying to push away the effects she had on you.

“did you train yourself in the mirror say this one too?” you asked.

It seemed you dodged Cupid’s bow again. “why? Is it a crime to be a natural flirt?”

“It’s far from natural; it almost sounded scripted.” your voice dripping with sarcasm as usual

The truth is if you followed her, borrowing the path of truth, you’d end up either literally confessing your feelings or shyly stammering on your words and making her childish smirk come back.

And above all, teasing was more fun.

“your reaction didn’t seem like it followed a script though,” a soft chuckle followed her words. Before you could turn back your attention to the dress in front of you, she reached her hands out of her pockets to direct your turning chair towards her. “I think you just can’t flirt back, so you talk shit. Just admit I’m a smooth talker and you like it. It doesn’t hurt.”

There was a small gap between you, and when you turned to look at Ellie’s face, her kissable lips formed a smirk and her eyebrows waggled together.

Her sudden proximity made time stop, and the soft music playing in the background faded as you felt your heartbeat getting louder.

An unfamiliar feeling bubbled up in your stomach, something that seemed ready to explode as her gaze on you intensified.

Your body reacted before your mind, and her chest met your hand. Ellie understood she would cross the line if she leaned closer.

You kept her eyes on hers. "it does.it hurts my ego and pride." Ellie obviously understood your sarcasm—not because it's part of your nature, but because she also paints her buried feelings with jokes.

She took a few steps back before you could add another layer of satire, her eyes not leaving yours even when they looked away from hers.

"but objectively speaking, you're charming with your words."The honesty contrasting with your previous words made her snicker.

Today, at 5:36 pm, an hour when she usually lets herself be consumed by boredom, a new memory was engraved in her mind, and she wouldn't forget to write it down in her journal once back home.

Her heart would swell with joy as she'd quoe you calling her charming. Her stomach would birth butterflies as she'd remember this compliment coming from a pretty face.

But with a closed mouth to keep quiet and not make Joel think she'd gone crazy. Even though that was kind of the case.

"shut up, that's nothing but objective." Ellie scratched the back of her head, being the one avoiding eye contact now that your eyes peered at hers.

"don't your friends think the same when you flirt like that?" A natural flirter, smart and beautiful, kicking ass to do justice—to you, Ellie was an all-in-one, and you wouldn't be surprised to learn that she made other girls feel special too.

That you were just, hopefully not, one of her other friends.

"I don't flirt with them."

Whether it was the truth or a lie, a part of you wanted to believe her anyway. Maybe that was another effect, a result of her irresistible charm.

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Overthinking was one of your worst habits, controlling your mind and replaying your most embarrassing conversations on a loop.

The best way you could have replied to Ellie complimenting your smile could have been simply thanking her and returning the compliment.

WHY DID YOU NOT THINK ABOUT THIS EARLIER?

You wanted to hide your face in your hands as unanswered 'whys' and 'hows' progressively took over your mind.

It felt like losing the 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' game over the most evident and unmistakable question.

Except you weren't losing money but Ellie's interest, but that's just what you thought.

Suddenly, the same girl you've been thinking about spoke up again. Ellie's voice was a remedy to your overthinking; it was seemingly curious since a hint of interest influenced her tone. "do you ever look at guys and get... i dont know, like you find them so attractive you want to hug and everything... maybe ki-'

With a swift move, you pulled one thread out of Ellie's jacket sleeve. The details on the dress were unfinished; switching up between sewing the jacket sleeve and the dress so you could finish them both by your deadline was much smarter and also because doing repetitive things bored you.

After hearing her words and the mention of men, you stopped sewing for a second. "ew, why?'

"just asking"she snickered when your first reaction was disgust.

He appeared again. The man selling most of the clothes you had in your closet. The same man who praised your job at embroidery and who now wanted you to work with him. You physically shook your head to mentally shake the thoughts of him away.

"I'm not into him, okay? It just felt like meeting a celebrity; it's hard to control your emotions,"you clarified. You loved his work, not him.

"but in general? does it ever... happen? Idk how to make it not sound weird" Ellie started to fidget with her fingers, her black nails painted by you. Her mind took her back to yesterday again when she'd admire you whenever your sparkling eyes were fixated on the moon, wishing you were thinking about her too.

"it sounds weird no matter how you put it. But no, I guess puberty came late to me."

" 'mkay."

Before turning your attention back to her jacket sleeve, you caught Ellie nodding, putting her hands back in her pockets casually, turning her face away to forcefully stop her lips from forming a smile.

For the first time in her life, she believed in luck.

"you?" The initial of Ellie's gang name started to take form as you repeatedly pulled the golden yellow thread in and out of the fabric.

"ew, no, I'm not interested either. Just thinking about it grosses me out."Her brutally honest answer made you chuckle softly; you weren't that much different after all.

"really? Even if I was a man?"you joked.

"yeah, plus you couldn't even get to wear those dresses and stuff. Just seeing you wearing formal clothes to fit in with everyone else would feel weird."

She tried to imagine you wearing casual clothes or anything not extravagant in general, and you laughed at her unpleasant expression.

"that's funny to think I'd finally look normal for some people,"you said between laughs, and Ellie joined you in your laughter.

Now that you think about it, it was a pretty rare occurrence for you to wear something other than lolita clothes.

You paused and put the needle down before turning to Ellie.

"do you want to see how I used to dress before? It doesn't look that weird, trust me."

After last night, the magical night you spent over at Ellie's, you can officially say things changed.

Your past self would definitely not recognize you now for trusting someone enough to have the courage to show a different version of yourself.

"my brain does that thing when it erases traumatic memories, so you're fine."you rolled your eyes at her teasing tone, her jokes getting more creative as time went by.

"that was backhanded, wasn't it?"

Ellie shrugged her shoulders as she smirked, her impatience growing stronger as she followed you out of your room.

"whatever helps you sleep at night.'"

In the corridor, you slid open a door, keeping the boxes of furniture inside, and tipped onto your toes to reach the medium cardboard box

The dust that had accumulated on top of it over the years, quickly flew away as you brushed it off, before opening what had been closed for God knows how long.

The "you" that was once buried to give birth to the "you" now resurfaced.

Ellie grabbed a few pictures before you could change your mind.

Smiling and chuckling at how different you looked compared to now, she carefully scanned all the pictures in front of her, noticing one thing that had never changed.

"I gotta say... you still look so fucking cute."

Your brain stopped functioning at her words.

Her eyes darted from the pictures to yours, not really expecting you to respond to her compliments, just admiring your flustered reaction.

You tried to think of a response that wouldn’t make you cringe when you overthought it later.

Those words, coming from someone infinitely prettier, whose eyes regarded you like you were a masterpiece belonging in a museum, whose arms made you feel like home, held significantly deeper and more impactful meaning. It was as if Ellie knew what she was doing to you and wanted your heart to explode just for her.

To her, it was just a matter of time before you completely let yourself fall for her, unaware that it was already the case.

"thanks,you’re cuter though," you smiled back at her.

But if time really isn't real, then she would learn to be patient, knowing you'd be timeless.

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It was Ellie's turn to sleep over at your house.

Despite wanting to stay awake a little longer, both of you found yourselves surrendering to unconsciousness faster than last time.

Imaginations and dreams enveloped your restless minds, quieting them down.

The smell of breakfast was more effective than an alarm clock at waking you up.

Your body was as cold as the inside of a fridge since Ellie kept unconsciously pulling the covers over her.

After warming up with some tea and filling your stomach with fluffy pancakes, you and Ellie continued with your day separately.

After spending two full days with her, her sudden absence felt strange, but you decided to put this feeling aside and focus on your new job to avoid having a wallet as empty as Ellie’s absence.

Sewing fabrics here and there to train yourself before working on the actual dress and jacket sleeve.

Walking back and forth around your room thoughtfully.

You spent most of your time sighing in frustration, as creativity refused to show up at your door.

Staring at the unfinished project in front of you, without new ideas in mind, began to take an awful toll on you.

Roses, tulips, and other flowers floated in your thoughts.

If there was one thing you wished for right now, it would be for your imagination to be as abundant as the richness of nature.

So, you ventured closer to nature and away from your trapped thoughts, wandering aimlessly around the nearest park while trying to empty your mind and let creativity flow naturally.

After a while, with plenty of walking and silent contemplation, your watch ticked to 5 PM. It was almost evening, but the sun was still shining in the sky, illuminating the blue lake beside you.

Ellie once told you that the reason the sea looks blue is because of the reflection of the sky.

A few ducks flew above the water before landing.

Some ducks swam in another direction, leaving two of their companions alone. They didn’t seem to mind the others had left, focused on swimming their own path, just the two of them.

Eventually, you dragged your feet out of the park, leaving your energy behind. A place as energizing as nature had unexpectedly drained you because no matter what you did, you always thought of her.

Whether she was around or not, Ellie lived in your mind rent-free.

When you contemplated the sky,the moon wasn’t out yet, so you stole one last glance at the lake.

Maybe you shouldn’t give up now; doing so would mean your entire day would have gone to waste.

Not to mention,facing complaints instead of praises from the CEO of your favorite shop would surely tear your heart into pieces.

So you called her.

You took your phone and dialed her number, biting your lip in hope she would respond.

Desperation was overpowering you, and Ellie clearly noticed it.

“what’s wrong?” her voice slightly modified by her phone.

A moment of silence passed as you repeated in your head what you wanted to say.

"everything,” you look pitiful.

“nothing,” you're wasting her time.

“are you busy right now?” just go straight to the point.

“I miss you,” too honest.

Ellie patiently waited for you to speak up, leaning her arms on the railing of the bridge, eyes peering at the lake while inhaling deeply.

“I need your help.”

Her eyebrows instantly furrowed in worry; you usually tried to handle things on your own, and it was unusual for you to directly ask for her help. “where are you?”

You had been wandering away from the park for so long that you didn’t even realize where you were heading. The area you found yourself in was sparse of people, resembling an abandoned train station with overgrown herbs on the rails.

When you sat on a bench, you heard an engine roaring toward you.

Ellie saw you alone on the bench, and your face instantly beamed at the sight of her arrival.

She parked her motorcycle next to the entrance of the train station and carefully crossed the rails, making her way to you.

“I’m away for one day, and you’re already missing me?”

You didn’t even have the energy to roll your eyes at her cocky smile; her words were harshly true.

Suddenly, the temperature began to cool down, signaling that evening was approaching. Ellie locked eyes with you, intently listening as you ranted about your struggles with creativity. As an artist herself, she thought of creativity like a battery that often needed recharging.

The thing was, Ellie was your recharger. Talking with her and spending time together felt like a mental cleanse, refreshing your mind. Her absence felt so unfamiliar to both your heart and your brain.

Asking for her help made her smile blissfully, unable to describe how happy she felt to spend time with you again.

Without hesitation, she took your hand right after you finished your monologue, bringing you to a familiar place—the one holding your best memories. Among them, searching for your bag with Ellie was your favorite so far.

So far, because you believed the future held even more thrilling and joyful memories with her.

Most of the stores still had the "open" sign in their showcases, including "Baby, the Stars Shine Bright."

Unexpectedly, you refused to let your inspiration come from the clothing brand you were now working for.

"You said you're on a creativity block," Ellie said, her confused eyes meeting your self-assured ones.

The CEO of this brand had praised your work for its originality, something he had never seen before. "exactly, so we need to think outside the box."

To keep satisfying him and his expectations, you decided to remain on the same path, coming up with unimaginable and creative patterns.

The puzzles instantly assembled, forming a clear image of understanding in Ellie’s head, your words failing to prevent her from holding back her laughter.

You were picking up the same sarcasm as her.

"My jokes are better."

Clothing shop after clothing shop, going from bright to dark areas, and the excessive bright lighting contrasting with the dark hues of the blue sky outside, was overstimulating Ellie’s mind.

But she kept dragging her feet to follow you around.

You could tell her anything, and she would do it without a second thought.

So that’s what happened.

The faltering and desperate look in your eyes disappeared, replaced by bright sparkles and dilated pupils as you rummaged through the clothes.

Your imagination started to paint Ellie wearing the type of clothes you had grown fond of—clothes she would never dare to wear, not because they weren’t aesthetically pleasing, but because she thought she wouldn’t look good in them.

Yet here she was, looking at your cheeky smile as you scanned her in an extravagant lolita dress you pleaded her to try.

There was no doubt you felt immensely proud to make her wear lolita clothes.

To you, Ellie was still the cutest human being you’d ever seen; the lolita dresses only enhanced her cuteness, something she strongly disagreed with.

Sensing your eyes admiring her, adding makeup felt unnecessary with her naturally blushed cheeks.

A sudden urge to squish them in your hands settled in your core.

Ellie’s face reddened even more when her cold cheeks met your warm hands, unable to ignore the temptation.

"you’re so—" you started, but Ellie immediately cut you off, her gaze dropping to the floor, embarrassed.

"don't say it."

She knew what you were about to call her; it was the complete opposite of the image she wanted to project—a thick wall of intimidating and cold exterior she had spent years building.

Yet in just a few days, she’d allowed herself to let her guard down. This wall, carefully constructed to give her a good reputation among her acquaintances, felt totally useless around you.

"alright," you retreated your hands and let out a giggle.

It was like a fierce missile flying right at this thick wall, crumbling it down with such ease, allowing her to be cheeky, goofy, flirtatious, embarrassed, flustered, happy, and in love—allowing her to be who she truly was.

☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

What is the common point in Ellie's loving smile, the stars at night, and her making you the happiest being on Earth?

It all puts sparkles in your eyes.

The inspiration you had difficulty finding found its way back to you like a lost pet, except it always came from one person and the things that made you think of her—which was a blessing when she was present but a curse in her absence.

So you desperately hoped this night would never end. It became a message the universe was now used to getting because when the clock ticks morning, that's when the magic ends.

And you wouldn't be peering at the horizon ahead of you anymore, sitting behind Ellie as she focused on driving across the city lights. Your mind filtering out her friends driving with you at midnight, only caring about the person you were holding in your arms, trying to bring her what she brought you: comfort.

To your surprise, this dreamlike feeling repeated itself again when you woke up with her in your arms once more. She wasn't listening to your heartbeat anymore, totally absorbed in whatever dreams she was in, so you decided to oversleep with her, hoping to appear in one of her dreams.

In one of her dreams, you and Ellie were traveling across the country on her motorcycle, often stopping at car stations when her gas was low and eating breakfast in local coffee shops working early in the morning.

Both of you were unstoppable, searching for the infamous founder of her gang, grabbing clues from door to door and heading to as many cities as you could.

Your world was so small until you hopped on Ellie's motorcycle and discovered new places, unfamiliar routes, and different types of vegetation.

Thinking back to the time you accepted to help Ellie, despite the bumpy and narrow path, today you didn't have any regrets.

Everything went smoothly. When exhaustion enveloped you, you would stay in a nearby hotel; when hunger crept its way into your stomach, you'd find a restaurant to fulfill your wishes; and when you needed more money for the road, you'd stop at the city casinos, always going for the pachinko machines.

But again, it was just a dream.

Refusing to let disappointment consume her as the alarm went off, Ellie quickly woke you up and got ready. The festival's date was approaching with big steps, and Ellie found the perfect partner to help her find Himeko.

Since the perfect partner was you, you threw away your usual routine for the next days, trying to make her dream come true.

Dreams and reality, when you're blessed with luck with many ups and rare downs, there's not a significant line separating dreams from reality. However, when reality turns to look somewhat closer to a nightmare than a dream, a dream is often an escape.

"Dream" is such a small word for its numerous meanings, but even if it can be a subjective term, both you and Ellie can agree that your current situation was progressively drifting away from the aspect of a dream.

"I can't," you said as your walk came to a halt, still holding Ellie's hand. If you could describe the word 'inseparable' in three words, you would say you and Ellie; however, it seemed circumstances were starting to change that.

"what? What do you mean?" She hoped she had heard it wrong, that the sound of engines and powerful winds had made her a bit deaf after traveling for two days.

"I can't go any further," you clarified, your eyes dropping to the floor.

"listen." Ellie's mind froze for a second; your expression was unreadable to her. You were just lacking a bit of sleep, tired, maybe a little demotivated, right? "we've come a long way, to Tokyo, down to Yokohama, just you and me alone. In just what, two days... we already have a clear destination, and it's not like people don't know her at all..."

She gently squeezed your hand, a gesture that always brought your eyes back to hers. "I'm sure we'll gather more clues on our way there. Just trust the process... trust me. I promise we'll find her soon enough."

Even when you tried to seek comfort in her words, your mind wasnt set on it, not after what happened in the last casino you stepped foot in. "I literally gambled all of my money away."

Noticing the exhaustion in your voice, Ellie reassured you, lifting your chin up to hers. Both of you had already talked about this. "You're not gonna be broke... I can lend you some, y'know it's not a problem."

You went silent, and Ellie concluded it as the end of the discussion.

She didn't want to stop here, not now, when you were midway to reach your destination, so close to finally make her dream come true.

But when you gently pushed her hand off your chin, she sensed this situation was more complicated than she had expected.

"you don't understand..."

It's when Ellie was brought closer to her dream that she would get pulled back into harsh reality, something closer to a nightmare now that she felt that you were going to break her promise.

#Spotify #ellie fluff #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #mini series #lesbian #wlw #lgbtq

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lonewolflink · 1 month ago

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your enthusiasm for itzy has reignited my interest in listening to kpop i MISSED this… like wow it’s just. really bright and fun!! <3 i love seeing gifs of the girls on my dash! i was a hyper casual fan who was never too into them outside of liking the music, but they seem lovely 💙

what are they up to lately? do you have any listening recs? :3

- puckpocketed on main 🦈

puck!! hello friend!!!! (trying out puck as a shortened name a la link but you lmk if something else is better)

i am so pleased that you are being infected with my itzy brainrot. maybe i should be more sorry about about it but alas, i love them, so i cannot find it in myself to be sorry. more under the cut!

i would say that not only are my girls lovely, they are Freaks (affectionate). tbh it is what led me to stan. they are so weird and i love them so much. i once answered an ask (also here) about how i got into itzy that i think scratches some of the surface of what i enjoy about them.

what has itzy been up to lately? well the last couple years have been a bit of a rollercoaster for the team. after a pretty serious kpop social media hate train following one of their comebacks (though evidence suggests the hate train started earlier), things were a bit rough. the company seemed to be simultaneously creatively mismanaging/poorly promoting the group while also overworking them—a recipe for disaster that culminated in main vocalist lia going on indefinite hiatus for anxiety issues in september 2023 (or as i like to call it, LTIR).

in her absence, as a foursome, itzy recorded a 10 track album called "Born to Be" and then went on a global tour for it, but with a twist! five of the 10 songs would be the first SOLO songs written by each member and performed individually (sans lia on tour of course). lia's song might honestly be the best of the five (though i probably listen to chaeryeong's the most). they're all quite different and i would STRONGLY recommend them:

-Crown on My Head (Yeji) -Blossom (Lia) -Run Away (Ryujin) -Mine (Chaeryeong) -Yet, But (Yuna)

the solo songs for the active members at the time also have like partial/mini-music videos that are up on youtube and are pretty cool (ryujin's or yuna's are probably my favorite? but it's hard to choose. yeji and chaeryeong also ate). you can, of course, listen to the other songs on that album...but i wouldn't. and that's because with lia now activated off LTIR, the other 5 songs that were recorded with the four active members have been RE-RECORDED WITH LIA and will be dropping as part of their new album coming out next week (oct 15th!). all those songs are good but "mr. vampire" is the one to look out for. the beat is weird, the vibes are excellent, and lia's voice is going to sound amazing on it.

in general, the new comeback feels...different, at least in its rollout so far. above i mentioned mismanagement and poor promotion by the company, and rumor has it that after the last album the division in charge of itzy got like. fired. wholly. and replaced with new employees (GM FIRED AFTER TOO MANY SEASONS OF NOT MAKING THE PLAYOFFS kinda vibes). the new look JYP Division 2 is like...kinda doing great??? there's clearly an actual cohesive (if bizarre) creative direction for this upcoming album, which feels new and fresh, there's been a lot of thought clearly put into Aesthetic rather than just "green screen something flashy and uh. the girls always look hot so just put them in some fashionable clothes i guess".

in sum: this is kind of an exciting time to be following itzy. it feels like we're on the precipice of a bit of a rebirth, which is quite rare with kpop girl groups in particular, who tend to rise and fall with the extremely fickle general public opinion of koreans.

some song recommendations/partial guide to itzy's discography!

let's start with their title tracks/singles:

—girl crush/dark/gym playlist music (aka cuntzy) -dalla dalla (debut single) -wannabe (biggest hit) -mafia in the morning (my personal favorite mv of theirs) -ringo (japanese track, low key sick mv. or maybe it's just yeji w a sword for me...idk) -voltage (japanese track, i LOVE this song, even more than ringo) -blah blah blah (japanese track)

—cute/fun/femme/doing your thing (aka funzy)

-icy (bop) -sneakers (supposed start of their demise, but it's fun and cute? people are haters) -boys like you (your mileage may vary, people love/hate this) -cake (UNDERAPPRECIATED BOP) -algorhythm (japanese track, the dance break in the mv is sick)

—hard to categorize bc they're not dark/girl crush but they are gym playlist (to me) -not shy (ITZYYYYYYY) -loco (this song just slaps idk man) -cheshire (justice for cheshire i love this song)

in no particular order, top 10 standout b-sides (in my opinion...though i should say most of their b-sides are really fucking good): 1. none of my business (the way i need itzy to do more r&b u have no idea. also the mv with the matching fits is SO 90s early 00s r&b groups i love it so much) 2. cherry (girl crush perfection, gym playlist staple) 3. bet on me (this song got me through my phd. mv is imo outstanding. meaningful song generally, but to itzy in particular after the hate train) 4. kidding me/shoot/sorry not sorry (i'm cheating by putting three songs here but they're all from the same EP and go SO well together) 5. snowy (this is MY christmas song) 6. kill shot (i want shin ryujin to decapitate me. women in suits??) 7. nobody like you (quintessential early itzy) 8. bratty (they invented being a brat, charlie xcx who) 9. psychic lover (fan favorite, just a great song, they smile so fucking hard when they perform it live it's so cute) 10. weapon (not even a song from an album, they recorded it for some dance competition show to use. STAPLE on my gym playlist) honorable japanese discography mentions:

-no biggie (japanese) -sugarholic (japanese) -spice (japanese)

OK THAT'S WHAT I'VE GOT FOR YOU SORRY IT'S SO LONG

I WILL ALSO STRONGLY RECOMMEND LISTENING TO NMIXX'S LAST TWO EPS THEY ARE REALLY GOOD AND THEIR VOCALS ARE CRAZY

#puckpocketed #sailorvee #asks #go itzy go #...sorry about how long this is LOL #i love them

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imaginespazzi · 3 months ago

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Aw Im always happy to see your responses bestie :) Not secretly a Bueckers, nor was I in the Midwest, but the matching timing sure made me laugh. Had a great time but this indoorsy girl is glad to be back in a city/town.

Euro vaca?! May I ask where? Thats so exciting 🇪🇺. Ive been over just a few times - the experience has always been brilliant. Fingers crossed for an absolutely great trip all around for you.

Yep yep,all that recent wifey posting was just.. ehm.. a lot (Lou this is ofc meant in the most complimentary sense, please continue w such content if you'd like 😅). Oh Maid of honor/SIL, I just love how well you two get along lol.

Mhmmm Noah do better and justice for Jordan! One more Olympics thought: I know the Preath ♥️ parallels have been discussed here (Press comeback makes me so happy btw) Can we also talk about how Gabby Williams & Marine Johannes are totally an alternate version of Pazzi (and not just like aesthetically ha)? They're quite cute and I've fallen down a feel good rabbit hole recently w them ha.

And poor poor Ms. Kitley. Obvi already have the idea that she's still dealing w the fall out of the relationship, and I know she just loves some dramatic music tbf, but that has me feeling for her. And does nothing to dispel the reliable lore honestly.

🤝Heres hoping the list doesnt continue to grow in WBB! :/ Have a great tomorrow/Thursday

-☕️

Ahahaha me to bestie. Like I do love the outdoors occasionally but I'm such a suburban/city girlie at my core.

I'm going to Italy babes! I'm really excited cause I haven't really had a proper vacation since before Covid so I'm really looking forward to it!

OMG MAID OF HONOR? I would be honored.

WILLANÈS MENTION @thankyouforthememoriesworld @pazzitruther11535 Listen speculation says they might have gotten engaged post-Olympics and I am fully on that train because they gives such highkey domestic married energy (Pazzi variant fr fr)

Liz is just so me honestly. I too love my post-breakup dramatic playlists like I fully endorse listening to sad music and sobbing into your pillow (idk if that's exactly what she'd doing but the general vibe ya know)

#ask #☕️ anon my love <3 #nah fr take all wbb players phones away cause it's some new shit everyday atp

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rholsof-film · 24 days ago

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My Unsolicitated Opinion on VSFS

The show has had a lot of iconic moments throughout the year and is known for excelling model’s careers, even when they walk it just once. Models are able to make a name for themselves after having some type of association with the brand. This year we saw models that were new to the show get wings, they might have been in the industry for a while, but VS usually introduced them with the pink segment first. Then the models had to work their way up to gain wings. The wings on the runway were always earned, after walking three shows models were able to attain wings and get contracts working for the brand. This did a lot more for their careers in the industry if they were able to attain these contracts. The pink segment was missing from the show this year entirely.

Secondly, not only did we have pre-runway interviews, but we had talked with the models on what makes Victoria Secret so special; and who exactly is Victoria Secret. We also got introductions from some of the angels and how they got their start with the brand or how they got into modeling as a whole. We got backstory and then we got campaign shoots for the show and behind-the-scenes preparations with the models. We also got model workout preparations and destination shoots for the campaign, to see the magic behind the scenes. There was none of that this year, no special moments, no backstage cameras that gave a look at what was happening, none of that. This is what built a fanbase for the brand, a parasocial relationship with some of the models and what gave models a name for themselves.

Thirdly, we got to see how wings were made and how they sourced the artist to make some of the wings. There was also aesthetic for each segment, like in the 2010 show we got a prairie aesthetic for one segment, then a amazonian aesthetic with animal print. There was time spent with putting thought behind each segment. This year we did not get that, we got a plain runway that was not elevated or raised off the ground, the whole point of VS is that the models are unattainable. That the models are out of this world and not like regular people, there is this air of unattainable attraction. The runway being the same level of the audience diminished that standard. We also got plain lingerie and dresses, there were never dresses in VS, there were trains hanging off the models but never full-on dresses. We may have had slips before in the past but never actual dresses because this is a LINGERIE show. I get it is more inclusive, but lingerie is lingerie, if the models aren’t ready to showcase how beautiful their size and curves are, then casting needs to be better about who is walking. I get inclusivity is a new thing and concept, that is fine but be ready to show us those beautiful curves.

Hair and makeup were insanely unprofessional this year, I wanted to see romantic curls and blowout with voluminous, teased hair, 90’s blowouts and bombshell, sex crazed hair. The slick back ponytail was absolutely dreadful. I wanted to see smokey eyes and contoured, chiseled faces and Sunkissed skin. A lot of them were pale and not Sunkissed skin at all. No one was glowing from head to toe with bronzer or any oil. All of these preparations are what made the show iconic. It was like we were there every step of the way, from wing sourcing to getting background on some of the angels and getting introduced to new angels. We got none of that and that is why it was so lackluster.

I understand that these might be nostalgic expectations, and that people were looking for nostalgia. I cannot deny it, but I was also expecting to see something new, to be introduced to some new traditions. I think that was the reason some of my expectations were so high. I think that might have been the issue. Our expectations should have been low in watching a comeback. We have to keep in mind that a lot of people have stopped shopping for the brand so the money and funding is not going to be as out of this world as it used to be. The glitter or LED light runway was not in the budget and a lot of the underwear was not as expensive as it used to be. The brand also could not afford a lot of things like makeup and hair, wings and venue. If the brand can get to where it used to be then maybe expectations will be met again. I think the show is back in it’s premature days when it was just a normal runway show like when Monica and Yasmeen Ghauri walked. There was no glitz or glam, so this might very well be an end of an era, so we must give grace and welcome something new. I can admit that this is a turnover, that this is something that is possibly played out and we should not expect the glamour it used to give. This is truly a sad moment but hopefully the future can bring something new and interesting.

#victoria secret #Victoria Secret Fashion Show #vsfs 2024 #Journal

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caeliajournal · 8 months ago

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A journey through my moodboards

This is an analysis of all the moodboards I've created since I started journaling, from 2021 up to now

Searching for my golden hour

January, 2021

aestetic: golden hour

This phase of my life is defined by the significance of sunsets as a metaphor for what I was looking for: the magical and ephemeral moment that, despite its daily recurrence, never fails to captivate us.

Each of the images represented a goal:

The girl on the path symbolized the need for self-discovery and forging one's identity.

Roses embodied the past and roots, viewed through a lens of positivity and nostalgia.

We can also appreciate a collection of indoor plants, which would have a different meaning if they were wild plants. In this particular case, it represents caring for those who are home.

The bookshelf served as a gentle nudge to keep enriching my life with stories that leave enduring imprints.

Intertwined hands spoke of romantic connection.

Quotes:

❝Seek magic everyday❞

❝I am learning to find joy right here in the mess of things❞ — Morgan Harper Nichols. ❝Grow through what you go through❞ ❝feel what you need to feel and then let it go. do not let it consume you.❞ - Dhiman [...]

Homemade

September, 2021

aestetic: cottage core

The primary distinction I notice in this moodboard compared to the previous one is that nearly all the scenes take place indoors and are linked to artistic expression. It's akin to the seclusion of an artist, one might say.

Numerous activities are depicted, such as reading, writing, cooking, or drawing. The golden mirror symbolizes a distorted self-perception and the urgent need to gaze into it once more for self-recognition. Additionally, there are recurring elements from the previous board, like intertwined hands and a cat.

Unlike the previous aesthetic, this one features colors reminiscent of nature: muted browns and greens.

Quotes:

❝Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present.❞ — Albert Camus, The Rebel, 1951.

❝Never regret your past. Rather, embrace it as the teacher it is.❞ — Robin Sharma

❝You have absolute control over just one thing, your thoughts.❞ — Napoleon Hill

[...]

Eternal dilemma: air or earth

Somewhere in 2023

aestetic: cottage core

The colors in this moodboard are much brighter compared to the previous ones, with green and purple being the main tones. There's a portrayal of a sunrise sky, although it's not golden anymore; rather, it has pastel colors, much softer and calmer.

The symbol of the mirror makes a comeback, along with elements that have disappeared and others that have emerged, like daisies, representing innocence and childhood. Themes such as books and art resurface, though this time there's a greater sense of solitude than in the previous boards.

Quotes:

❝part of her mystery is how she is calm in the storm and anxious in the quiet.❞ — JmStorm

❝He was earthly; she was aerial. He was made of clay and iron; she was made of fire and dreaming❞ — Graham Joyce, Some Kind of Fairy Tale

��Book collecting is an obsession, an occupation, a disease, an addiction, a fascination, a fate. It is not a hobby.❞

[...]

The manuscript

March, 2024

aestetic: light academia

This moodboard boasts a distinct aesthetic, characterized by neutral tones, and it's centered around the writing process.

There's a contrast of ideas at play. On one side, there's handwriting alongside digital writing; on the other, tea versus coffee. It's safe to say I'm undecided.

There are fewer scenes depicted compared to the previous boards, making it simpler in design.

Quotes:

❝When it comes to art, it's important not to hide the madness.❞ — Atticus

❝The first draft is just you telling yourself the story.❞

#moodboard #cottagecore #cottage aesthetic #aesthetic #light academia #dark academia #light aesthetic #inspiration #photography #inspirational quotes #quotes #A little break from writing

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gash-rock-now · 6 months ago

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SCUM Zine (2022)

When I found Riot Grrrl music, I was elated. Loud, fast, angry music that focused on feminism was exactly what I was looking for. I discovered it as a genre/movement through Bikini Kill, as many of us do. The first time I heard Double Dare Ya, I felt like my life had changed. I went through the whole discography and found plenty that I liked just as much, but also several ideas that were expressed that I was a bit critical of. I decided to dig deeper into Riot Grrrl and what it was, but I found myself disappointed. Most of the music in the genre isn't actually all that loud or fast, and it feels like there is more contempt than pure rage, at least in many instances. There are several bands that I enjoy some of the songs of, but they don't quite hit for me in a broader sense. The critiques they present are so rarely about larger systems of oppression but rather individual experiences or more minor issues (which isn't to say that those minor issues shouldn't be discussed because they ARE contributing to a larger system, but I think that the system they uphold needs to actually be addressed for it to have any impact, otherwise the resounding response is that it's insignificant or not inherently universal). Bikini Kill and Bratmobile got the closest to that for me, but it was still mixed in with some ideals that I don't adhere to. I thought that the ideas might be fleshed out or properly analyzed in the zines that they released, so I got copies of the Bikini Kill and Girl Germs zines, as well as a plethora of other 90s Riot Grrrl zines, and for the most part they offered me the same conundrum: they are just kinda cool. They offer some inspiration, But that's really it; they are aesthetically pleasing, a bit edgy, and touch on some feminist topics, but they still are just individual thoughts, feelings, and aesthetics above all else. It often left me to wonder, who could build a revolutionary movement on this? Kathleen Hanna said she wanted a Revolution, "Girl-Style" NOW, but where is it? The biggest problem, in my opinion, was the rampant individualism. Riot Grrrl, despite the probable original intent, wasn't a revolutionary leftist force but rather an aesthetic neoliberal one (which makes perfect sense for the time that it came about, but still it leaves a lot to be desired). It's made a comeback in recent years, and self-declared Riot-Grrrls have started making zines again too. I've bought some of the more popular Riot Grrrl zines of the present day, and looked at many of the ones that exist online but they are largely, well, in my opinion, worse. Like they try to replicate the whole aesthetic of the 90s zines but really focus in on that *aesthetic* rather than the politics, which is an issue for me because I already was critical enough of the politics before. It's often a culmination of collages and pictures that worship a specific artist or a "look", interspersed with the repetition of slogans and the same brand of politics that you find on those sponsored radlib™ instagram pages that make those slideshows that co-opt leftist language but end up being ironically very reactionary and kinda perplexing. And seeing this be the current state of feminist "activism" amongst youth, especially amongst those who would proclaim themselves to be radicals and leftists of some sort, has led me to a point of feeling like I need to take action. I just couldn't find a means of feminist activism that felt right to me.

#feminist punk #gash rockers #gash rock #scum #scum punk #scum band #society for cutting up misogynists #society for cuttin up misogynists

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mysticstarlightduck · 9 months ago

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OC Smash or Pass

I was tagged by @writernopal (here)! Thank you so much for this fun Tag! I think I might do a few of these for my OCs, because I adore this tag game (:

Rules: pretty self-explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc)

Augustus Grimmure

Description (I haven't completed his character art yet): Augustus is a tall young man with dark skin and long, curly ashen brown hair - which he usually styles into a very neat ponytail with a purple ribbon. He has hazel eyes that can glow red or purple depending on which magic he uses. Augustus usually wears a long dapper suit/coat (in the colors of either white, dark purple, green, or charcoal black), along with a silk ruffle tie and other Victorian-style clothing, he also has dark circles under his eyes and may wear gloves from time to time. Has a sharp smile. He is heavily near-sighted and often wears spectacles/glasses (when possible) reinforced by magic - which might be because I wanted a glass-wearing protagonist in this book because I personally can't see shite without my glasses IRL (:

Basic Facts:

Height - 6 ft (around 1.80m)

Age - 19, soon to be 20

Gender - Male

Pronouns - He/Him

Occupation: Necromancer

Sexuality - An extremely hot, very romantic, Asexual straight man

Pros:

HUGGER! Once he's grown to love you that is. Augustus loves to show how much he cares by holding hands, cuddling, running hands through your hair, and (especially) hugging. He wants a relationship to be something special.

Augustus is very brave, and it takes a lot to faze him, especially since he is one of the most powerful beings in Ansburke, but even if he weren't he doesn't hesitate to face risks if it means doing something he considers right - especially when it comes to protecting the one he loves.

Dark Academia aesthetic (more like Chaotic Academia lmao) incarnate, and very gothic-coded. A romance with him has strong Gomez/Morticia vibes (this is legit the best way I could describe it), it's all about finding love in the dark and even macabre. He's also hopelessly devoted, and quite the romantic underneath his chaotic exterior.

Intelligent and witty, with a wild sense of humor. Will not hesitate to pull a carefully thought-out prank on someone if it makes you both laugh. Is also known for his clever comebacks, especially to those who already have it coming.

A good listener. Even if he is not particularly interested in whatever it is you are talking about, he will lend you his attention and let you finish your vent, however long it may be. He's also very good at problem-solving, having a scholar's mindset.

Neutral Facts (that may be pros or cons to some):

Augustus is somewhat inspired by the story of Victor Frankenstein (this character was born of the question I once asked myself - "What if Frankenstein wasn't insane and was a sorcerer instead of a scientist?"). This means he inherits a bit of a mad scientist's disregard for rules and tradition.

He doesn't enjoy sexual intimacy or acts of that nature at all, even though he isn't particularly sex-repulsed - he's asexual, and personally just finds sex a useless and slightly disturbing waste of time. That doesn't mean he doesn't like other kinds of intimacy - as mentioned before, once he gets truly close to someone, he's quite the hugger. (Btw, his love languages are Quality Time and (non-sexual) Physical Touch.)

Cons:

Has severe trust issues. While on the surface Augustus has a very personable and polite behavior towards anyone that doesn't personally irk him (when he isn't feeling particularly petty), he believes that "everyone is out to achieve their own personal goals at all costs" and that in their cutthroat world, everyone is looking to get the upper hand on someone else, so the walls around his heart (beyond a superficially friendly relationship) are quite tall and armored. He would never betray someone who trusts him but is constantly expecting to be personally betrayed. It takes a lot to prove that you truly care for him with no strings attached, but it is worth it when you finally do!

Extended lifespan - while it means no human can truly kill him (whilst he is under the constraints of his contract to the Deathbringer, a fae demon he made a deal with) during your adventures, it also means that you, a human, will eventually get older much quicker than him and die long before him - unless he's broken his Oath, which would return his lifespan back to a normal human's.

Does have a bit of morbid/dark humor natural to any necromancer so, while it can lead to funny and slightly unhinged interactions, he doesn't quite understand why some people consider his deathly jokes as inappropriate (even though he means no harm, that's just his sense humor and how he views te world).

His devotion has a "dark side" (to him) that comes out in the form of self-sacrificial tendencies and will fight Gods if prompted, with no second thoughts about his own safety, if it means keeping the select few people he trusts away from harm. Has no qualms about killing his enemies to achieve that as well.

Tagging (gently, no pressure): @lassiesandiego, @oh-no-another-idea, @writernopal, @tabswrites, @rickie-the-storyteller, @steh-lar-uh-nuhs, @little-peril-stories, @clairelsonao3, @jasperygrace, @jay-avian, @forthesanityofstorytellers, @aziz-reads, @doublegoblin, @gummybugg, @autumnalwalker, @olivescales3, @junypr-camus, @ashen-crest, @starlit-hopes-and-dreams, @bardicbeetle @talesofsorrowandofruin, @mitchell-nihil, @pluttskutt, @saltysupercomputer, @stesierra and @dreaminggoblin

#oc smash or pass #tag games! (:#wip: enchanted illusions #writerblr #my wips #writers on tumblr #character writing #my characters #my writing #writers #writeblr #writing

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onwriting-hrarby · 8 months ago

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respectful thoughts on concept vs aesthetic in the new kpop generation

[disclaimer: this is a very light opinion article about kpop. i am not dissing any groups mentioned, since i love them all, and i'm straying from bringing any negativity. the fact that i don't like some of the music these groups make doesn't mean i can't acknowledge their hard work. often, my critique falls to the managements.]

so, these last few weeks we've had some 3rd generation comebacks in the kpop community and some debuts and other well-known comebacks for the newer generations. but, mostly, i'm going to talk about how music in kpop has been westernalized to the point of becoming mostly generic, forgetting what made kpop since the beginning: concept.

the reason why i like 2nd and 3rd generation the most in kpop is not because of the music, dance or vocals, although i admit it irks me a lot that nowadays most idols won't sing live (like, ever), but because i think it's the pinnacle of concepts vs aesthetics.

what is concept and what is aeshetic: red velvet

let's take my amazing girls, red velvet, my favourite group, and their last comeback. when the teasers were released, we all thought we were going to go "velvet", this time (although i hope we would go red, and i have an inkling we would go red velvet). but the gloominess of the pictures, the elegance, the way they seemed out of the museum strayed a little bit further from the quirkiness of birthday and they felt more serious, much like "peekaboo" concept pictures or even "feel my rhythm's".

when the song released, we were all surprised. we love it, as we normally do with red velvet, but the problem with the main public was that their expectation of the concept of the pictures didn't correlate with the actual concept of the song.

and that's because the teasers were nothing but aesthetics. the aesthetic was dark but the concept was "red velvet". when the idea of the whole paraphernalia around the song doesn't link with the music of the song, we are not talking about a concept but about a aesthetic. a concept is cohesive in the ways we think the song: from the notes, the rhythm, to the message, the pictures, the way we promote it. aesthetic is taking what we feel "looks good" and putting it into a concept that doesn't need it. aesthetics don't tell a story, concepts do.

it doesn't mean that chill kill wasn't a good album or a good comeback. it means that it was at fault since the beginning, because we were waiting to be told a story how red velvet does, from the music itself, while it felt like they were telling it from the pictures.

(that is also what has happened with the lastest comeback of nct dream).

almost all of the 3rd generation groups, and mainly girlgroups, debuted with a clear concept: red velvet (red and velvet concept), mamamoo ("live" concept), girlfriend (kind of 'magical' sphere), blackpink, dreamcatcher, loona, and i feel like this is being left behind to accomodate more "aesthetics", and music —kpop— feels less genuine. that's why i'm not feeling very tied to the kpop sphere anymore: it's all about consumption.

bts and the consumption of kpop

i love bts, and i'm a long time bangtan fan since they debuted, but i am confident in saying that after "fake love" (maybe let's stretch to "idol") their music wasn't as striking. it wasn't that they didn't have a good production, or didn't do their best, or weren't at their best ("black swan" is still amazing in all senses, for example, and works perfectly as a song), but i think it's because they were "westernalized" in the concept vs aesthetics idea. while before bts used to have a clear concept, not only of what they meant as a group and wanted to tell, but also later as it migrated to the trilogy of "love yourself", after they hit it big in 2019 they started confusing, to my opinion, the concept with the aesthetic: they didn't do albums for the sake of telling a story or concept anymore, but for the sake of milking the cow (not the boys' fault). don't get me wrong: mots 7 still had a clear concept in the CD, but it didn't feel as whole as a BTS project anymore. rm even said something along the lines of "we have to stop because we have lost sight of what we're doing".

that's because in the west we're not used to concepts but to aesthetics: the music is not cohesive with a preestablished idea of storytelling, but with the artist. most of the bands and soloists don't change the music style as to what music their storytelling needs but to what their personal needs as an artist do. take taylor swift, for example: every cd is different, but it's cohesive in what taylor swift does. as a long taylor swift fan too, when we got from "speak now" to "red" we were utterly confused, because that's when she began changing her aesthetic, and therefore, her music, but because the concept was "taylor swift", it was still recognizable. she's not the first one: it also happened with the beatles, "revolver" being the first album to truly differ from the others, only to completely change their music with "sgt pepper's". ariana grande changes aesthetics, but her music is mostly cohesive throughout, so does billie eilish, lorde, dua lipa. we would refer to it as having a "music style".

with bts, they found a huge market in the west. it wasn't the only incursion in kpop: after bts and blackpink, twice did, too, and we also had the jopping and popping of the sm super group—which, come on, it didn't land of obvious reasons—and we have aespa, gidle, and more. but bts was the first group to hit it BIG. we will all probably remember exo, red velvet, dreamcatcher and gfriend being ultra famous overseas, but not like bts and blackpink are.

BTS started changing their music around that time. the comebacks after 2019 didn't feel cohesive with what BTS was in their roots. "boy with luv" is a pop song that took us by surprise. "on" didn't land as well as black swan even though i personally love it. "be" didn't have a clear storytelling (or maybe a pandemic storytelling, too soon, imo). the most flagrant cases of BTS losing their concept to the aesthetic was "dynamite" and "butter", but mostly "butter": when "dynamite" was out, it made our summer. it was truly AMAZING. it couldn't get better. it felt like the song we needed, and it should have won the grammy. but it didn't, so they tried to replicate the same song with butter. really: listen to it. it uses the same rhythm, structure, the same "catchyness", and mostly, the same aesthetic.

blackpink, while we can criticize about the quality of their songs and how they use the same structure too—almost to a boring, predictable result—stood true to their concept since the beginning. if we hadn't been used to BTS management of concepts, we would have found that "butter" and "dynamite" worked well in the same way "how you like that" and "kill this love" too. but blackpink always played more with the "music style" than the concept, because when you repeat a concept over and over, not only in storytelling but also the musical creation, it become your signature music (to the point of a meme, almost).

but since BTS started changing and having their much deserved fame, look what happened to other hype groups: txt released their "disco" blue hour, tried to fit it into their concept (imo, they didn't do it very well). gfriend released "mago", while it's a good song it strays too far from the gfriend we were used to (and no: apple wasn't an incursion to far away lands. it still sounded 'magical', just like gfriend did). seventeen did something similar, too. the playfulness of the 70s/80s spread without regarding the groups unique concepts.

sm stood true to themselves: they had already made songs with "disco" (shinee, 'look' by red velvet...) and in contraposition they tried to westernize the concept of NCT. it hasn't worked, because no male group will ever be BTS, even though i believe exo could have had a huge chance only if they had appeared two years after. jyp went into hybe's direction, but kept it true to their group's concepts (itzy didn't sound the same as twice or stay kids). yg wasn't in their best moments as a business, then.

with bts in the west, the whole point of kpop and 3rd generation shifted: they aren't marketing songs aligned to the concept anymore, but to the aesthetic of the song. twice concept had started radically changing with "fancy" and "cry for me", but now it feels like they are just recycling their music over and over (also because twice concept, in the ageist era we live, is difficult to maintain once the members get old.) nct is a mess, trying to have catchy lyrics that utterly don't make any sense. gidle's english songs pale in comparison to the amazing songs in korean. aespa and itzy's english comebacks haven't hit is big. it feels as if there's a "line" that one has to cross to go to the west, which is leaving all your uniqueness of your concept back in korea to make it. and only bts and blackpink have mastered this (even though "the feels" by twice was a big success). [disclaimer: when i talk about success or failure i'm not talking about numbers, but about quality of the song.]

the case of gidle, stay c and aespa

those four groups are, to me, the ones that have maintained their concept all along. i don't talk about boygroups of the 4th generation because i'm not very familiar with them, but let me tell you about discovering gidle and aespa, and then stay c and new jeans:

gidle: they are a strange case, because they don't have a clear concept. that's because their concept, just like red velvet, changes every comeback while maintaining a concept identity. when gidle debuted, i named them the "red velvet daughters" and they still have to fail me in that sense. they are truly versatile, and it feels like they can do any concept they like while maintaining an identity, even with the loss of soojin.

aespa: when they debuted, i was utterly... scared. i didn't know what sm was pulling, and everyone celebrated them as the 4th gen leaders (when itzy was still doing the best numbers). i knew they weren't going to be, because they would stick to the concept. they are still one of the best artists in the 4th generation girlgroup space, and incredibly succesful, but ive has had more sellings, for example. but: numbers doesn't prove quality. ive's music, although very good, feels like there are other groups that could make it. while aespa's music feels unique to aespa. aespa has stayed so true to their concept much like blackpink does (i truly suffered with girls, because i was demaning a slight concept change, i was getting bored) and i think it's safe to say that the kind of music they do is very impactful, always experimental, like what sm pulls best. aespa will have a longetivity that itzy doesn't have (damn, i love itzy so much) just because sm has understood aespa's concept, while jyp still has to grasp what itzy is truly doing. and if itzy gets it right, aespa and itzy will become iconic to their eras.

stay c: now, my girls. truly underrated! stay c is the reencarnation of old bubbly kpop. they are consistent, both with their concept, aesthetic and music. you don't get the feeling that they release for big masses, even if all kpop does generally. they know what they do as a group and they do it incredibly well while staying true to their concept. they have twice producer and it shows because it definitely has a feel of the early twice. they sing well, they dance well, they cooperate. they are a fully fledge group with a mission and a storytelling.

before moving to illit, the case of newjeans

now, newjeans is known to be one of the best debuts in all kpop history, and i personally have listened to their first EP a hundred times, and "ditto" is one of my favourite kpop songs ever. and the reason why they are so successful is because of min hee jin (we can hate her, but come on, she's fucking good in her job): she's a master of concepts. and new jeans had a CLEAR concept. youthful, bubbly, lovely, catchy.

but it's not going to last, i'm afraid. they are impactful and they will make numbers but i truly think that they won't be as legendary as everyone has made it to be and that's because they've taken the same bts route, but far too early. FAR TOO EARLY. their last EP may have a concept as an EP but it feels somehow disconnected to what new jeans represented the first summer. i don't think they should stick to one concept forever—they would encounter the same problems as twice—but they have changed it too quickly without giving it time to properly experiment all the layers of it. differently from gidle or red velvet, which established themselves as truly versatile from the beginning, new jeans have strayed from their path soon enough but not far enough. their songs feel catered to the commodification of content, now, and frankly, almost all of the songs in their last EP, while experimental (and i love it) sound too cohesive, to the point that you listen to the EP while not paying any attention and it might go over your head. their voices' tone, too, which were part of the concept of "youthful girls" are too similar to each other, which makes it difficult to grasp a turning point in the song. you can have same hair, same clothes, but you shouldn't have the same voices and songs over and over.

and that's why groups like illit have debuted now with much success:

ILLIT and the depersonalization of kpop

illit is, to me, the most flagrant cases of confusion between concept and aesthetic and how kpop is shifting nowadays. of course, i have done my research: i've listened to the album, watched most of the "live" performances. and while doing so, as someone who doesn't have a clue why this group was formed (as will do the 80% of the people who first listens to illit), i thought: oh, this is new jeans.

NO, i'm not saying they are the same or they are copying the girls. it's not illit's fault, as it's not all the groups i have been mentioning (the fault is capitalism): but their debut song sounds too much like new jeans, the 2nd ep. they have the same long hair. same youthfulness. and i thought, oh, well, alright. new jeans 2, it's good. it's okay.

UNLESS! i read that they were going for the "magical" concept. truly?, really? are they... magical? they have magical appearances, fairy-like, the dresses are magical, the way they move is truly magnetic (get the pun?), but their music is not.

and that's the fault of what we've been living with the last kpop nowadays: music is concept-less. they live for the aesthetic of the music, but the music feels generic in itself. because it is not unique to what the group wants to cater. they do what's selling, and try to mask it as something original, while it is not. aesthetic is not the same as concept: someone who dresses like dark academia and brings their books to a fancy library and takes pictures doesn't mean they are living for a concept. they are living for the aesthetic because they like it, but the way they experience the aesthetic will be the same as the other people, because there is only one aesthetic.

aesthetic happens when there's empty concepts, while concepts happen when one thinks about the aesthetic, embodies it to a way of turning it over and make their own thing about it.

#kpop #bts #red velvet #blackpink #twice #exo #gidle #new jeans #stay c #illit #music thoughts #hrarby musings #do not hate me please i'm not hating on anyone!#kpop feels so empty now

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