#i thought i'd never figure out how to transition between these scenes | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

llilyrose · 4 months ago

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isolated frames + artist's notes below cut!!!

((for the people who want the photos and the nerds who like behind the scenes stuff))) ((((i am nerds))))

pssst...... . theyrge free to use with credit... spreadd my influence

thumbnail

oooh the troubles. im not logged in to my youtube account on mobile, which is where i made everything, so i had to upload the video to the google drive and download it from there onto my pc.

the thumbnail was the first thing i made for this project!!! you'll see the signature twohats coins in the middle (also seen in the achievement) with the little rings coming out and the starbelt above it.

the rings + starbelt combo represent the universe (who i also interpreted here if you're curious). the starbelt is a passive symbol and the rings are an active influence. you'll notice them throughout the different frames in the rest of the animatic.

"the calculator will make / the same mistakes"

The bottom portion is the beginning of the game where Siffrin makes a wish at the favor tree. It's meant to represent both Frin and Loop; The lyrics are referencing the fact that Siffrin made the same mistake Loop did long before them, starting the cycle over again. Something something because they're the same person and the calculator will never change without outside input.

the top portion transitions to the Loop hangout!!! i wanted to be smart about using the favor tree's leaves as a transition sequence and thought I'd tackle one going from light to dark. I used the Loop Hangout sequence here because I wanted a good excuse to use it in the next line of lyrics, but also because transitioning from one siffrin to siffrin and loop would be poetic and get across the message about their branching paths.

Originally it was going to be a sequence showing loop vs. siffrin's deaths against the king but i wanted something more seamless. the starbelt is there to look pretty and also because i think the King's time freeze turns everything to night for religious reason.

"yeah i see it in / its face"

i had to turn the contrast up for these shots! i didn't like how undramatic the originals looked in the context of the animation.

here's what they looked like before:

they didn't really match the intensity of the mood i was going for. surely you understand my dilemma

siffrin's pose went through quite a lot of change but i landed on something i liked. again, the star belt is there just to create some sort of detail that framed the characters as the main focus while making sure the canvas didn't come out super boring/empty

while drawing loop's eyes here i took some idea from marshall's ghostlight loop eyeshape because i was kinda OBSESSED with drawing those type of eyes and they're shaped like Me so i had to. help.

"i see it in its face" siffrin is hiding from the truth but loop figured it out a while ago. he's holding out hope and they're trying to get something, anything through to him. this was perfect for the loop hangout gwagh

"hold on tight to this time this place"

sasasaap siffrin my friend C:

the animatic shifts between loop and siffrin povs after abt every 2 lines. i got this idea because i had sasasaap siffrin in mind for "hold on tight... everything you know" and had mal du pays in mind for "you were born... that is where".

This is Loop after beating the King in the true ending. happy with all their friends. "hold on tight to this time this place" -> hold on to the memories of your friends, to the happy moments you spend with them, because they will be ripped away over and over until you'll never be able to get them back.

"everything you know / will be erased"

tying into the last line, this is loop after making their wish. there's no going back anymore. everything they know will vanish, their party won't be theirs anymore, their memories along with themself won't even EXIST anymore. everything will be erased, and that's why they have to hold on to those past memories. separate this timeline from their own. (what a shame that we know this timeline is the only timeline that exists... still holding out hope, are you, loop?)

the star belts and rings are back and this time very much so intented to be referencing the universe. i alao just think star belts are good in space settings, and wanted to mimic the opening sequence of the game

lighting gets harsher in the second photo on purpose (the star's closer to their body, of course it would light them brighter)

"you were born inside your head"

bounce to siffrin's perspective

MAL DU PAYS EDITS OF THE PARTY MY FRIEND. I LOVE MAL DU PAYS DEARLY (see the art/poem i made if you don't believe me coward)!!

mira was tweaked from the edit i did of lélu, ocean's miraloops au version of mal du pays, and the rest of the party try to immitate that style. in the future I'll go back in and make them fully animated sprites for our collective leisure.

this scene is meant to be mal du pays immitating the party. "you were born inside your head" -> you're not a real person without your memories, all the memories you have technically don't even exist in the first place, + your home isn't real anymore either. it's also about mal du pays itself, born from within siffrin's mind and existing only within the memories of his time in the loops.

the extra lighting + details were meant to add atmosphere to the existing piece, like the "oooooo" and the soft track backing the sung lyrics. i was playing around with animating these and making them into sprites before finishing the pmv but i knew that if i did that i would abandon the project altogether probably and/or set it back by a long while. so instead we're waiting for me to do that after the fact.

"that is where you'll be when you are dead"

the end of the mal du pays fight scene!!!!!! i need better names for these shots heeeeelp me.

specifically the part where siffrin's giving up. mal du pays has done its job and is finally putting it and siffrin to rest; sif just wants a moment of peace, just wants some kind of clarity, but in the end he accepts that he won't get any further than he already has and that all his issues are things he has to live with.

he will stay inside this prison of his own making until he gives up or otherwise can't move forward. he just wants out.

(side note: siffrin's hat is all curled up! it's a small detail i noticed on one of id5's reference sheets, where siffrin"s hat curls up in certain moments only. i thought I'd include it here.

those reference sheets helped me with drawing a lot of her characters! for example, siffrin's gloves and hair came from a siftuation and hair example sheet respectively. i saw the phrase "komaeda hair" and could not help myself. i am a wavy/curly hair fiend)

"you are just a boy / you are no man"

we're cutting back to the loop wish pov; here's them actually eating the star!!!!

the first image is my favorite out of the whollllleeee pmv. the lighting before they take a bite. HELP me.

ignoring the gendered words used in the lyrics, I'm trying to paint loop as sympathetic here. they didn't deserve ANYTHING they went through, the absolute torture they got wringed in!! they never had a MOMENT to stop, to breathe, to process what they went through, to deal with any of it in a healthy way. on the inside they're still a person, still a siffrin, someone distinct with thoughts and feelings.

the lighting kinda sucked to figure out but at the same time i had a lot of fun with it??? i didn't want to draw siffrin's hat but i realized after making the "everything you know" images that loop doesn't even have their hat in the prologue. heeeelppp me. i didn't wanna go back in and change it because i spent a lot of time on it there so it stayed.

yeahh these are my favorites. i already said that. but still. the dramatic lighting was fun! i colored from dark to light which isn't usually how i shade things but it made sense in my head here.

"and nobody you know will / understand"

these lyrics are meant to be taken VERY literally. literally nobody they know (or used to know) understands them. nobody knows who they are, who they used to be, the constant inner battle they're fighting.

their family doesn't know them anymore. their family is scared when they first meet, even!!! they've spent all these loops trying to hide from themself and everyone they know so obviously they would be so so so uncomfortable "meeting" everyone again, acting like they don't know them.

THE BACKGROUNDS SUCKED. OH MY LORD. IT WAS SO BAD. HELP ME. THANK YOU MY LEAF BRUSH AND MY PEN BRUSH (FADE) YOU ARE SAVIORS I WOULDN'T HAVE MADE THESE WITHOUT YOU. I don't know how to make backgrounds anything other than lineless.,, lines in backgrounds take attention away from characters if you're not careful and that's the exact OPPOSITE of what i wanted to do!! i had to leave space for text also. these shots were composition hell. help me. help me. save me.

"you are just a boy / you are no man"

"and nobody you know will / understand"

direct continuation of the last sif part with them drifting in a mind void after the mal du pays fight

because i feel like the awakening happened a little more gradually than it did in-game? they'd fully given up by that point and the reason he woke up wasn't because of the loud noise around him, but because their party was trying to break through the mdp haze. likely mirabelle healed the timefreeze-like state he was in to get him to wake up

this scene is SUPER metaphorical!!!!! the lighting made it a bit difficult, and the lack of any source media to base it off of didn't help, but i made do.

it took me forever to think of what i was gonna put here. for the whole pmv i had some sort of idea of what i wanted to make for each scene (barring this scene and the last loop scene) but this one ESPECIALLY i was clueless about. i asked around and got some good ideas (thanks dasner!!!) but knew i wanted to do something with siffrin and figured that i should do a continuation after the mdp fight.

it worked out in the end because the last frame made both of the "paths" in the pmv coincide while also just looking pretty.... winning I'm winning !!!!!

when i first posted it these were my least favorite scenes but I'm really warming up to them. they're just so pretty. wow i really made those huh. i really made them. that was me. boggles my mind.

so uh yeah that's it. not much to say after all that!!!

I'm very very proud of how this turned out, and I'm really really happy you guys seem to like it too :)

i was gonna show you guys the storyboards for funsies but I've already inserted 28/30 possible embeds onto this post!!! ouchies!! owzers!!! sorry!!!!! I'll have to remake this pmv using the storyboards. give me 10 seconds.

(I'll link it here when i post it)

youtube

[trips and drops this] oh god oh ngo not my isat pmv ive been working in for rhe past three days no no nobon

#isat #isat loop #isat siffrin #in stars and time #my art #my animatic #my pmv #director's cut #ALWAYS need a director's cut when i make stuff #it's a llilyrose tradmeark at this point #heeelp .me. gggaahg.

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sophsicle · 3 years ago

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So Choices has somehow (aka very much earned) become my Favorite Piece Of Writing Ever.

I am also a writer, and I was curious about if you have any writing advice? I love the way you're able to flow a scene from a very heavy, difficult to hold topic to a light and comedic scene naturally.

So if you've ever been told advice that helped you, or have advice on what you've learned I'd Love to hear it:))

Hello lovely! First off, thank you so much, it's an honour to have something I've written be considered someone's favourite anything. I actually find transitioning between scenes really difficult, so I'm glad you think I do it well. I feel like my writing advice is going to be pretty generic but I'll say that probably the most impactful thing I've ever heard anyone say about writing was this quote from George R.R Martin (I don't think he's the first person to ever use this metaphor but he's the first person I ever heard use it) where he says: “I think there are two types of writers, the architects and the gardeners. The architects plan everything ahead of time, like an architect building a house. They know how many rooms are going to be in the house, what kind of roof they're going to have, where the wires are going to run, what kind of plumbing there's going to be. They have the whole thing designed and blueprinted out before they even nail the first board up. The gardeners dig a hole, drop in a seed and water it. They kind of know what seed it is, they know if they planted a fantasy seed or mystery seed or whatever. But as the plant comes up and they water it, they don't know how many branches it's going to have, they find out as it grows. And I'm much more a gardener than an architect.” I always got really hung up on trying to map out every detail of the story I wanted to write because I thought that was how you had to start and that if you couldn't write an outline you'd never be able to write a book etc. But, ironically, I was never able to write outlines (for my fiction writing anyway when it comes to essays I am an outline Queen). So when I heard George R.R Martin, the author of this massive and intricate fantasy series, describe himself as a gardener - someone who has a vague idea of what they want but everything isn't set in stone - it made me feel like I could start writing without having all the answers upfront and that really removed my biggest road block. I always think that it's better to just write than to think too much about what you're going to write because it's easier to work with words than it is to work with blank pages. I do a lot of editing and that's where I'm really able to get to the root of what I want to say / do / achieve. Also, read your stories out loud. I feel like this is advice we get for academic writing, but I find it really useful for fiction writing, especially for figuring out whether dialogue works. The other thing I try to keep in mind is that every scene should have a purpose - should forward the plot or character development in some way. Fanfiction is obviously a pretty indulgent form of writing so this isn't as important BUT I do find that if you have too many moments that don't achieve anything your story starts to drag or get lost. So asking yourself "what is being accomplished here?" can really help with editing and knowing what to cut out. I also daydream a lot, I don't know if that's useful advice but like, I put on music and I go for walks and I just think about the stories that I want to write and a lot of the time that's how I figure things out. I don't know if any of this was helpful but thank you for the ask!!! And the compliments!! :) :) :)

#choices #fanfiction #writing #ask response

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gluku-pikron · 4 years ago

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1-5, 11 & 13 for Feel Special? ;0; <3

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way? kloktober, of course. i'd never tried anything like it and i was curious to see what writing within a theme would be like. not sure i got it entirely but i did appreciate the open-endedness of having "otp" be something i could write. :P

2: What scene did you first put down? the bit of dialogue about pickles throwing his dad down a mountain. i originally meant for this to be sillier but it took a hard veer and i'm...still not sure if i should have stuck with a sillier tone throughout! but i like the second half even as its own thing. it was a lot of my pickles/charles feelings encapsulated in something short and simple.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration? There are a thousand and one things Charles wants to tell him, about living and dying and a priest in scarlet robes and a Church hundreds of feet underground that’s built its world around him and Dethklok, and for the first time in these dozen or so brief, needy interludes that he’s had with Pickles, Charles realizes he’s kissing… maybe not a god, but something beyond him, beyond humanity, beyond anyone’s understanding.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue? “You fuckin’... died,” Pickles says sharply. “I saw them light your fuckin’ corpse on fire. Nate’n was gonna write a song about it but we voted him down ‘cause Toki looked like he was about to cry when he suggested it.” Pickles’ laugh sounds forced, and his eyes are shiny in the dim light.

“Would you feel better if I told you that was a very convincing facsimile? They can do amazing things with some pork, gelatin, and a special effects team.”

“Thought it was kinda fucked up when yer pyre smelled like bacon. Made me hungry. ...we made the klokateers get us Dimmu Burger after.”

-insert some cannibalism joke here about how pork is the closest to human flesh or whatever-

5: What part was hardest to write? probably the transition scene between pickles being fussy in the office to actually getting into the car. i had to figure out an excuse to get them out on the road and then to the beach haha. thankfully, pickles is quite capricious.

11: What do you like best about this fic? i would love to read more fic about pickles & charles and the strain that the prophecy would put on their relationship--and not just the strain, either, but the ways it might bring them closer. i wanted to address it briefly in "feel special" too and i did like what mentions of it i managed to fit in haha

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading? i listened to High Spirits’ “Voice in the Wind” a whole bunch. it's not entirely thematically appropriate, in that it appears to be about someone who's passed on, but... the longing!

It was not so long ago As the sun was setting low I could feel it was real after all

It never ends No matter what I do My heart still calls to you And I know that there’s no other way To say what I say

#lampmeeting #asks and answers #mtl

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thesagedahlia · 5 years ago

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💎Ari Fletcher & Moneybagg Yo💎

I had to update my reading that I've done on this couple in the past, but let me just say that when I did it THEN, everything was good, but it seemed like a small power struggle & an issue of boundaries. I don't remember most of it, but it was relatively okay, as far as the interest, & it was a highly passionate relationship, if you catch my drift. Mind you, this was BEFORE 👩��‍🦰Wig-Gate👩🏾‍🦲 (which I pulled on at the time & got the feeling it was about a BM), so before anything really incriminating or negative attention on them, as a couple. Since then, every other time I pull cards on them, it's a see-saw; I'd pull to find out that they had a blow up, or argument, not even two days later, they were together & were doing good, but when I go to pull again, they WOULD be better but after some peaceful resolution. So I figured that this would be an ongoing cycle for them as a couple, but all of that is NEVER to say that they don't have feeling for each other or are making a genuine effort, on both parties. I really feel like this reading is very contradictory to what is portrayed on the outside, to warn you (good readings usually are ones that are contradictory), so before you get butthurt, remember that I'm only reading the cards...though, the cards have a tendency to tell the truth. & I thought Future's reading was a long one, this was way too much. So allow me not to wait any more time.

**DISCLAIMER**

I am not declaring, nor am I insinuating, that anything I say in my predictions are true accounts of any of the parties involved. This reading is for entertainment purposes only, & should only taken as such. All in good fun, folks 🤷🏾‍♀️🧿

💎Energy surrounding Ari & Moneybagg Yo💎

I get the feeling that their security was threatened with in the relationship. I feel like Moneybagg Yo is always making moves, & I feel Ari's paranoia getting the best of her. I feel she is always accusing him of cheating or of talking to one of his BMs more exclusively; it feels like misinformation or accusation, but it began to be a lot of stress on Ari, & I feel her reaching a limit & withdrawing from Moneybagg. I feel Ari really suspects him to still be dealing with one of his BMs in a romantic sense, & that he may seem manipulative or controlling when it comes to her, to Ari. I feel they've had a lot of conflicts & arguments (some being solved physically), & I think this has caused Moneybagg problems with his BM as well. There is an unfulfillment & dissatisfaction here, & I feel they separated a few times. I feel a power struggle in this relationship as well. I feel these instances to also be what has brought out Ari's emotional instability in aggression. This relationship isn't allowing for Ari to see her paranoia for what it is. She seems to be overlooking the negative of the relationship, & remains hold of it; deeming their circumstance unconventional. There's a lack of growth & cooperation, but Ari demands a lot from Moneybagg, in order for her to trust him. She has a choice to free herself, or trust in the love & hope for it to improve, but there is a lack of clarity within the relationship that causes her stress & anxiety. It's stems around the possibility that he is withholding secrets from her, because he may have been trying to manipulate her emotionally before. I think she tries to balance her emotions (her paranoia is up-and-down), but it may be hard because Moneybagg has caused her pain through lies or manipulation in the past already. I think they really overlook the power struggles, & lack of collaborative or compatible energy between them. There is also one sided clarity, because they both exhibit emotional immaturity. Aside from all the sexually active energy, there isn't much positive progress. Ari tries to find pleasantries in their relationship after the disharmony, but ultimately, they will keep repeating negative patterns past all the efforts of balance. I'm also picking up one of financial dependency here, that is what is keeping her in the on-going battle of the relationship. Ari has the option to move away from the hostility & painful treatment, but I feel one of her underlying worries is being lonely. She stays for the sake of being in a relationship, & it feels like a regretful, yet necessary transition that is being delayed, but the disorder feels it will continue until some kind of change occurs.

💎Ari's feelings toward Moneybagg Yo💎

I feel like Ari is infatuated with Moneybagg & she is very territorial over him. She could be so much into wanting to be in the relationship, that she ignores any warning signs that come up for her, & she overlooks the negatives within the situation, & becomes blind to the truth of the Monybagg's emotionlly withdrawn nature. I get the feeling that the fighting is exciting for her, & she finds him to be a sexually satisfying partner. She doesn't only find joy there, but she feels it is a financially stable relationship. She feels lack of growth, however, or doesn't see much for the long term, only because she would eventually become impatient of finally recovering from the worst they've endured. They've had a bout in the past that resulted in them walking away from each other (I can't tell how recent it is), & it put Ari in a position where she felt powerless. I think one thing about Ari is, she tries to have control over Moneybagg & the relationship. She may also be unclear of her belief when it comes to the relationships he maintains with his BMs. Ari feels like he is still messing with one in particular, & it's because of some information that supports this belief. I feel there are some messages that were sent to Moneybagg of a flirtatious nature, & that was a base point for some of their arguments. It was pain behind this, but she is hoarding the relationship.

💎Moneybagg Yo's feelings toward Ari💎

It feels like the fact that they fight the way they do isn't as much of a turn on for him as it is for Ari, in fact he feels trapped within the relationship. I feel like he tries to give to this connection as much as he can in order to heal it, but it still isn't all of him. He feels she is the source of a lot of their arguments, & he drew back from her emotionally because of it. He also feels Ari acts out of emotions & that she doesn't have control over her actions. He feels she always accuses him of cheating, or doing wrong (& this could be where the BM comes in). He feels she can be caring, sweet, & emotional one minute, then cold, & accusing the next. I feel he's been conflicted because he does care about her, but the false accusations cause him a lot of grief. Ari has extreme trust issues, & that causes a heavily emotional experience for him. I do feel like he wants to take a break from the relationship because it's put a lot of stress on him. He wants a happy situation with her, but she is pushing him away with all of the accusing. I feel like he contemplates a lot to himself about this, & he is conflicted because he feels they can have a successful relationship. It's become overwhelming to him, & he's coming close to giving up.

🔎👩🏾‍🦰Was 'Wig Gate' a hoax or real❔ Why/what happened❓👩🏾‍🦲🔍

A transformation did take place within this situation, & it was due to one-sided clarity that caused disruption within the relationship. I feel there was gossip, or information relayed to Ari, that was incriminating communication against Moneybagg Yo. This information was of him dealing with another female, or him spending time with/money on his BMs (either one in particular, or more). I am picking up on a violent/abusive nature, & things getting attention surrounding this conflict; what was witnessed was the aftermath of a volitile breakdown. Infidelity, or the paranoia over it, is what triggered this event, Ari has a huge lack of restraint when releasing her emotions, & she can become pretty reckless; this is also being noted as repeating negative patterns as like past relationships. It's also coming up that Moneybagg willingly debunked the 'rumor', because he has love for Ari, & he didn't want to have her publicly embarrassed. By that point, they have separated in order to cool off the attention on them. Meanwhile, Ari was dealing with the revelation behind the scenes, & I even feel like them getting back good with one another was prolonged because of how hurt she felt. Since then she had a chip on her shoulder. Moneybagg may have been having a hard time prioritizing his relationship with Ari & his relationship with his BMs simultaneously, because the back-and-forth of it seems to catch up with him; it is coming up as a conflicting situation that would inevitably clash. Overindulgence of liquor/drugs may have played a role in this trigger as well. Ari has an insecurity when it comes to Moneybagg in his relationship with his BMs which brought out the shadow side in Ari. This tension/hostility may be a continuing factor within this relationship. I feel Ari tried to mind her business & keep the peace when he came to his BMs, but it is still change that is unwelcome to her. Unfortunately, with the energy they're in, I don't think this will be the last time this will cause conflict; slowly but surely, this will be revisited. This was a building conflict/tension within Ari & an unspoken & security that blew up in the public. I'm also seeing it as a financial issue as well, oddly enough. I feel Ari is 'spoiled', if you will, financially in this relationship, yet she doesn't get as much of his money as she would hope because a lot of it goes to his BMs as well as her. These issues with Ari are starting to get to his BMs, when Moneybagg was trying to keep them separate. These changes are unwelcome for Ari, & will continue to make her feel defensive & uncomfortable.

💎Ari's Feelings toward the BMs/Juicyy💎

I feel like Ari is putting herself in this self imposed prison when it comes to the BMs as a collective. She isn't too friendly, nor has any desire to be. She would rather not have a relationship with any of them (not a surprise), & I'm picking up that there was one in particular that it was revealed about some kind of flirtatious environment. She feels like she has the perception of them still wanting to be with Moneybagg, & she's sure that he is being deceptive about them, & i feel like her paranoia may prompt her to anticipate getting into it with one of them (which it is showing that she has), all while displaying her relationship with Moneybagg to, in a way, provoke them to say something. She also feels he is back-and-forth with all of them & her, & she doesn't necessarily trust the situation with them.

With Juicyy specifically, Ari feels like they are, or he is, doing more with her than just visiting their child. She feels he has been controlling or manipulating the relationship with both of them to his advantage. I feel this is her perception & paranoia, but I feel a suppressed anger or hostility because of this. She feels he gives Juicyy attention, & in Ari's mind, she absorbs that attention. She feels, in him trying to keep the relationship together with Juicyy, he is causing her to be mentally unsettled by the fear of it. Ari does feel like she is still dealing with him in a passionate way, which has, in turn, caused her to become more & more of a possessive, combative, & accusing. Ari feels he deals with her this way in particular out of the other 3, yet she still is not putting anything past the other BM's. I feel an insecurity around their relationship & it can even be an intimidation, & that is unspoken but I'm also getting a sense of misinformation relayed to her. She feel she can't compete with Juicyy's relationship/bond with Moneybagg & she fills Juicyy has an emotional hold over him, much to her disadvantage. I feel like instability contributed to her perception of this, & it is almost as if it is rumor/speculation that is causing anxiety for her as well.

💎MBY's relationship with his BMs/Juicyy💎

As a collective, I feel like Moneybagg wasn't a saint to these women, in fact, I feel he caused confusion to them. I feel like they were relationships he wanted to make work, but I feel like he would deal with these women as well as others. I also feel like hes back-and-forth with some of them at least (2 or 3) in communication, as it may be an up & down type of exchange with them. There seems to be an energy of having control over these women & playing a balancing act with these relationships. I feel it is an ego boost to him to hang on to these women in certain degree (aside from coparenting), even within his relationship with Ari, as he feels he can fall back on his BMs if Ari & he were to get into a fight or break up. I feel like he does still pine after on BM in particular, but she isn't falling for it; she knows what she dealt with when she was with him, & she has a guard up although I also feel Moneybagg is a soft spot for her. She has love for him, & they have a very tight knit & solid relationship/bond, but she knows better than to cross certain lines with him because of why they separate in the first place. They have well established feelings for one another, & they both know it, but there was a resistance to renew a cycle because of repressed anger from past secrets, or awareness of past secrets of being unfaithful. I feel they have a mutual exchange & an agreeance to keep the peace between them, but it is almost as if the cycle between them has yet to close out completely, yet the movement has been stagnated or slow. There is a strong defense to this relationship, but I'm feeling 3rd party conflict, in all honesty, Ari could be someone who is highly intimidated by this relationship because I'm possibly seeing conflicts here ( I see there has been confrontation in the past with this BM & she had to defend herself over confusion). Over all I feel collectively he possibly has in emotional hold on these women and at least 3 of them may be clean to a possibility of a romantic relationship and they may be confused about where his head is at emotional I and there may be some recklessness or naivety, & one BM can see straight through the BS & has her guard up against it. I feel they all still have love (to a point) for him as he does for them.

With Juicyy specifically, She is well aware of what comes with being with Moneybagg, & it has caused her a lot of stress & burden. He bring cycles of disappointment to her & he seems to be the type to like to keep a woman in confusion, when it comes to love relationships. He tries to have his cake & eat it too, & Juicyy doesn't expect to be accepting any invitations because of it. She knows there is shit he likes to hide, & that he can be sweet one minute then secretive the next. She knows he lacks the emotional maturity for a relationship & that he can't seem to be with one person. I feel even though she feels this way, it isn't to say that she is wanting to be malicious to him by way of their child(ren). A romantic beginning is not welcome for her, but she feels she needs to stay focus on the family, co-parenting aspect of it. She is also respectful of the fact day he has a public relationship elsewhere, so she doesn't want to insert herself in that. She feels like the relationship will become less and less organized & she'd rather mind her business & allow it to unfold. I feel she does acknowledge that he has a good fatherly energy & they are able to coparent, but I feel he does miss being with her & he does occasionaly shoot his shot. She would rather not engage because he can never be straight up with her within a relationship. As of late, she's dealt with Moneybagg's current woman, Ari, & she won't allow that to penetrate the mutuality of her relationship with him, but she won't back down from his woman, no matter who she is. She usually shifts her focus away from his relationship with Ari, but if conflict is brought to her she will address it & she wore hesitate to do.

🤼🏾‍♀️Will Ari & Juicyy ever CLASH again❔🤼🏾‍♀️

Well, I feel Ari can get in her own head about Juicyy, her connection to Moneybagg, & in her perception, she feels he is still attracted to her. Meanwhile, Juicyy isn't intrested in that kind of attention from him. Ari doesn't trust her in the slightest, but I don't see her outwardly causing a problem. I feel there is peace for now & it is more so for the sake of portraying that she is happy with Moneybagg & they have a better bond between one another. Ari is under the impression that he is still attracted to her & that they still have 'relations' (which, of course, isn't necessarily true), which brings her confusion & jealousy, but I see she is wanting to remain unbothered on the surface. I feel like Ari is threatened by her relationship because of Juicyy, so she has her defenses up & will defend her & Moneybagg's relationship in any way she ever needed to, against her. I don't feel there will be any outward hostility expressed, in an effort to not start conflict from a dry place. I do feel Ari needs to be careful not to let her distrust or misinformation to allow her to make irrational decisions out of pure emotion or ego.

💎What lies in the future for Moneybagg & Ari's relationship💎

I feel like there is a factor of jealousy that still looms under this relationship. Ari feels like she is still bring up things from the past, & it makes her want to make Moneybagg value her worth & this can be brought through monetary means. This feels like a vengeful tactic for her through emotional manipulation; she feels suspicious of him & her emotions go up-&-down. I feel there is a genuine attempt at dating & building with one another, but she's remaining in the mind set of feeling confused & she's trapping herself in that confusion. I also feel she's faking her happiness at times, & is only holding onto the relationship for the potential of a firm foundation, both emotionally & financially. I feel like her suspicions get the best of her, mostly when he's away, or traveling. I also feel she has insecurities about being separated from him & could be worried the most about him dealing with a BM/someone he could be DMing. She may feel stressed with the lack of stability she feels within the relationship. I have a feeling that because of this, Ari feel she should detached from the situation, but this is a relationship built on financial security as well as 'love'. This is an unhealthy transition for since she is in her head a lot about it. She could make the choice to release herself due to her lack of clarity since it is continuing to cause paranoia for her. There is a need to discover her value & find a deeper feeling/meaning out of herself away from the relationship. From what I can tell, this will be a cycle with them the majority of the relationship. Emotional instability is a problem between them, & while Moneybagg wants to have a stable connection, the past tends to rear its ugly head yet again.

🔍BONUS QUESTIONS🔎

🤼🏾‍♀️Why did Ari come for Juicyy on Social Media🤼🏾‍♀️

She feels boundaries have been tested & she doesn't fully believe that they aren't still dealing with each other romantically (or even sexually). She's not only fairly suspicious of him of keeping things regarding her hidden, she also feels like they have a pretty solid bond, much to her reluctance. I feel like every time he is with Juicyy it angers her, & she has a very codependent & insecure energy behind it. I feel like she can be a little obsessive and her intuition regarding compare relationship is blocked or misguided; I don't think she has all of the facts straight, per say. I feel like she doesn't enjoy sharing Moneybagg with Juicyy, simply because of her own suspicions & paranoia. I do feel Ari finds Juicyy to be a threat to her relationship, so she could have had some building hostility toward her, & I feel like she didn't want to come at her out of emotions, so she figured to do it about the driest shit possible (🙄 she needed a reason to say something to her). Per the fact them Moneybagg is going to do what he wants, he is going to have Juicyy's back due to his loyal to her.

👍🏾How did Moneybagg Yo feel about Ari vs. Juicyy👎🏾

I feel like it did bother him, that as well as having to deal with a girlfriend that doesn't trust that he is committed to the relationship, & he sees how difficult it will be that she doesn't wish to compromise her feelings for the sake of keeping things civil. He is also overwhelmed by the way Ari can be very accusing. He's aware that she feels there is a deeper meaning behind his flattery towards Juicyy, & that she feels he is giving her certain attention. He feels it was all just really petty & that it was stressful news/dirty gossip that may have taken him a lot to get around. He doesn't care much for social media beef, so it was really a nuisance to him. He finds it to be a problem that they aren't on the same page, & I think that it made things worse by Ari taking it to social media (even if it was over something petty). He feels home life can get chaotic with this kind of approach to it, & he also feels that its bed for him financially, as far as business is concerned. Moneybagg tries to be a loving leader for his family, & having a well off relationship with his children's mothers is a priority as well (regardless of which mother). He feels there is tension there, but he is still going to work on his relationship with Ari & working on balance between that & maintaining his family.

🤳🏾Did Moneybagg try to recruit a second girlfriend, or Ari's replacement🤳🏾

This is definitely a person that he's been holding onto, as if he has a certain roster of women he's been putting on reserve, so to speak (7 women it feels like; 4 being his BMs). I do feel like he hit her up for his own self interest, & I feel like he has perpetuated confusion for her in the past, but I think he's kept her around even though he's cut her off in the ways he has before. I feel like it was a situation where, even though he got blasted in the past, he still doesn't seem to have any shame about it. This DM seemed to be triggered by/coming from an energy of losing hope, or difficulty having hope, within a love connections, & a strain caused by worrying about painful feedback from gossip. I also feel like he was initially going to keep this a secret from this connection (with Ari), but the girl ended up blasting him; I also don't feel like he was expecting the response he got from her. It also feels due to repeating negative patters or stagnation within the connection (with Ari).

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dorkyungsoowrites · 5 years ago

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I've basically fallen from. The face of the earth, I ended up doing construction full time??? It's awful 10/10 do not recommend. Have ghosted everyone and everything. I come back and peep but am a giant scaredy cat to interact. If you're still down I'd love to hear director's commentary about Fatal Ties?? 😭

It’s very flattering that you’re this interested in my writing. I already sent you a private message about the other parts of this ask so this is all commentary. I had way more to say than I thought but it was fascinating to re-visit these passages and realize some things I missed before, and just expose myself I guess haha.

Before I start this is one of two warnings. I hardly ever get to talk about my writing in depth so I’m going to be indulgent. In other words, this will be lengthy. I’m putting it all under a read more.

Fatal Ties Director’s Commentary

Chapter 1:

Firstly, I’ve edited this chapter on my own and it reads completely different now. No, I will not be posting the edited chapters here. I’ve change the pov and given each character a different name in order to make it a full, original mafia story. I have not gone back and read this story in months at this point though so the thoughts that spring to mind should be interesting/informative if not entertaining.Also of note real quick, there will be dark and less than savory topics mentioned; namely violence, child abuse, human trafficking, nonbinary erasure, drugs, and sexual violence. None ad nauseam, but they are themes strung throughout this story and I feel it’s important you’re warned before continuing. If you are sensitive to these or think you may be triggered please do not force yourself to read this. Most of it is in chapter 5, but still. That being said, it won’t be all doom and gloom so let’s just jump into it.

Typically I enjoy starting off a story with dialogue or an action. Here, it was dialogue. Baekhyun entering the Boss’ manor to meet them. I think the best starting point for a story is the inciting incident for the main plot-line. Many mainstream scripts are structured so you see what the main characters lives are like on the regular before the balance is upset, but in writing I feel that bogs down the first few chapters so I skip it. This is fanfiction for fun so who cares about setup. It’s Baekhyun. There’s an arranged marriage. You know the drill.

For “Fatal Ties” the Boss has been working on this truce for years, but the main plot of the telling is them actually meeting Baekhyun, and how that changes them as their relationship grows. The Boss doesn’t like the idea of marrying a stranger. Let alone someone from the rival syndicate. Who would? Baekhyun, as they find out rather quickly. He’s too amorous about it all. They don’t trust Baekhyun. They believe he’s a honeypot the other boss sent to spy on them. I mean, of course they think that. Baekhyun is clumsily flirting and overly flattering. Spitting compliments out excitedly at every turn even though it’s clear he knows nothing about them. Calling them princess and doll. They’ve worked too hard for too long, and sacrificed too much to suffer being mis-gendered in their own home by some immature idiot. They don’t suffer being looked down on or erased anymore. They will be recognized for who they are, and as an equal to every other mafia boss.

Their rage boils inside them with every slip. The moment the Boss grabs Baekhyun’s collar is when I tried to set up how precarious this all is. That threat isn’t empty. The Boss will kill him and the rest of his family if this contract doesn’t work out. They’d rather just sign a contract though. Less work and no sloppy transition times as mentioned in the next chapter.

Speaking of which, this contract isn’t legally binding. It’s more an honor contract than anything. That’s why Baekhyun is there to marry the Boss. It’s really just another business deal to the Boss. That’s how real mafias joined their houses in the past. I made this more clear by adding this line to the Boss’ dialogue in the edit: “Also contracts in our…realm of business aren’t legally binding so it’s insurance. Symbolic more than anything, really, but that’s that.”

As a side note, I ended up doing far more research than I anticipated for this. Most of the knowledge I acquired hasn’t been utilized yet, but I refuse to think I wasted hours of my life reading business, money laundering and fraud law for nothing. Limited liability, shell corporations, deficits, ugh it’s giving me a headache just thinking about all the jargon I had to sift through.

Okay back to the thing. I made a conscious decision to describe the Boss’ manor as such. Their dad built up the drug business. They’re just tweaking it to be more profitable. It hasn’t been revealed yet, but their dad wanted to surround himself with expensive things to feel more important and successful since he started from near nothing. The Boss, on the other hand, doesn’t enjoy living in this big house. It’s too cold and empty. They want to live in a normal home further from the city and have their only worry be about if their garden is getting enough sunlight. A peaceful life. That won’t happen unless a truce is called between them and Baekhyun’s family. It truly means everything to them that this marriage go well.

Had someone tell me it was so satisfying when the Boss smashed that mug over Baekhyun’s head. That felt good. I figured that’s the first major tell of their character. They get annoyed at being mis-gendered and harassed, but instead of leaving or yelling or anything a regular person might do, they lash out with violence. They were raised in the mafia where mistakes were atoned with blood. You ever seen “John Wick 3”? Fucking love Keanu Reeves. Some of my favorite action movies. Anyway, sort of like that. The Boss has very little mercy in them. Or patience. Bad combination. But for good reason. Any small slip-up could result in life in prison, so yeah.

The other major tell of character was in what the Boss did right after. Cleaning up the broken mug. They take responsibility for what they knew was a mistake. They clean up their own mess. They immediately know to call for Yixing the doctor and calmly explain things to Baekhyun when he wakes up. I intentionally never had them say “sorry.” They admit they were wrong to hit him, but they don’t apologize. Even so, the moment Baekhyun sees a glimmer of a chance for approval from the Boss he jumps in to help cover it up. Knowing that if his parents found out they hit him any peace that might’ve been forming would be tenuous at best. More likely, his dad would take it as a personal attack and retaliate.

Then right at the end Baekhyun shows some kind of guilt and/or concern for causing their hand injury and it throws off the Boss’ instincts. Suddenly he’s willing to shoulder the blame and offering to help. Being respectful. A total flip from before. It makes the Boss harden their guard more. Proving he shouldn’t be trusted. Or, at least, they can’t entertain the possibility that he’s trustworthy. Not yet. Still, he’s saving them significant stress by lying to his parents about his head, so the Boss is much more gentle in turning him down before going to bed.

Chapter 2:

Despite what it looks like, this sex scene was not put in gratuitously. It’s very, very important setup for just about everything else, and it’s filled with foreshadowing. I knew it would be important to get a glimpse at the Boss’ secret affair in it’s normality before it got twisted a few chapters later. It shows a peek into the Boss’ hidden personal desires. They crave real affection. Their issues prevent them from actually believing that Kyungsoo loves them, but deep down they hope it’s true. They’re wary of entertaining those hopes however, because that means they could have a weakness for others to exploit. See literally any secret agent plot-line ever. The loved ones are threatened first and used as leverage for the villains. So the Boss denies that it’s anything more than physical.

I tried to convey the timeline a bit better later, but just so it’s clear Baekhyun meets the Boss three years after they’ve taken over from their dad. So Kyungsoo and them met back then and very painfully slowly the tension grew. I will admit to having fun imagining this bit in my own head just cause I love sexual tensions that build until they break and it’s this massive burst of passion. The Boss doing their best to keep everything professional, turning Kyungsoo down when he tried to talk to them, until finally they caved. Realizing after having a few conversations with him that, “fuck…I’ve liked him this whole time.” They’re around each other literally all the time. A bond had formed without them even noticing. Once it was noticed it took yet another year of Kyungsoo flirting and finding excuses to touch them, like, on the base of their spine, their hair, their hand, etc, before their will broke and they gave in. They’re both horrible at communicating it, but they do care for one another. Maybe at varying degrees, but they care. I hope that was made clear in this chapter.

Of note, Kyungsoo’s immediate hatred of Baekhyun, the fact he brought it up after the Boss had already switched off their brain to be submissive, the pet names he uses, the fact that the call for silence at the end is explained from the Boss’ perspective, and when he brings up the idea of wiping out Baekhyun’s family without a contract there’s this sentence: “He was back on this nonsense again.”

The theme here is control, if you didn’t notice. The Boss enjoying a space where they’re safe out of control, Kyungsoo trying to convince them not to give up sole control of their business by partnering, etc. That’s not all the foreshadowing, but I don’t want to make the plot too easy to predict by giving them away.

The last few paragraphs are the deep dive into the Boss’ motivations and reasoning. I think it’s also the second time Baekhyun’s family’s business is alluded to, but I��ll reveal that in a later chapter commentary when it’s possible for the reader to have deduced it on their own. It also shows in the last few lines where the Boss’ priorities are. The contract is number one. They will sacrifice everything for it. Even what may be their only chance at something close to love.

Chapter 3:

This is the second time I’ve written the main character eating eggs on toast. It’s delicious, and I lack the creativity to describe different foods. It’s just to pace the scene with actions because they’re eating instead of just sitting around. If one day my works are looked at by English professors they’ll probably say it symbolizes the Boss’ practical, fast-paced lifestyle. It doesn’t. I just like eggs on toast.

The fact Baekhyun doesn’t lie about snooping is the first big revealing thing showing that he doesn’t really want to. He doesn’t care about being caught because he just doesn’t care that much. He makes the remark about firing the guards posted outside his door as a joke. Ha-ha I walked around your house doing nothing with no supervision. He doesn’t realize how grave a mistake that was. He doesn’t realize that remark was the cause of two lives being ruined by the Boss. He will understand later because, as you learn later, he listens in on the Boss’ meeting with those guards via bug he put in their blazer. I have not written the effect of that yet, but it did affect Baekhyun. There’s a very clear butterfly effect from this one small choice.

Next he tries to get Kyungsoo to talk. He plays it off as trying to get to know the head of security. Needling the Boss to try and prove his hunch that it was Kyungsoo he heard them fucking the night before. I didn’t bother insinuating he had suspicions about anyone else because Baekhyun is smart and he knows that 1) Yixing is the only other person he’s met so far and that wasn’t his voice. 2) Kyungsoo is at the Boss’ side all day, and he hasn’t spoken around Baekhyun yet.

When he sees the Boss is about to leave he uses the name “kitten.” Baiting them by antagonizing them. Switching his tactics. The day before he had played up the whole “I’m here to do what you want” thing and now he’s realized he should be more domineering. He doesn’t always succeed because that’s not entirely in his nature, but here it sort of works to, as John Mulaney and JJ Bittenbinder would say, “throw them off their rhythm.”

I amuse myself by adding in little quirks to the Boss. Each time I describe a room it’s meant to be pictured immaculate and modern with everything in perpendicular lines. Showing that they’re a little peculiar about style and cleanliness. Anal retentive one might even say. All their clothes are tailored, most of them are suits, the mass of cabinets in the kitchen so the counters are clear, etc. Another side note, this is set in the 2000’s mostly for law reasons. Some didn’t exist until later which made what the Boss does near impossible to get away with, but I wanted cell phones and I’m picky about realism like that. So 2000’s decor. Black and white with pops of color in the decorations, chrome, clean finishes. I work in interior design so I was a little particular about some stuff for no reason other than my own amusement like the big kitchen with white countertops, and the blue and grey paisley wing-back chairs. When I edit this chapter I’m going to go into more detail on the rug though to give a clearer picture when the blood ruins it. Which really did cause the Boss dismay just like the bloody hand wrappings. For cleanliness but also they don’t like conducting business at home outside of paperwork and research. I thought it showed more about their character that they were upset over the bloody wrappings rather than the dead body and such.

My favorite part about writing the Boss’ character is how they’re constantly in a shade of darker grey. Everyone operates in shades of grey, but I love it when I see characters that are closer to the black and yet you’re still cheering for them. They’re morally corrupt and objectively not a good person, but you still like them. They’re still the hero, so to speak, of the story. That’s what I’m trying to achieve with the Boss. Back to “John Wick.” He’s a good example. So is Loki. They’re mass murderers, but we as an audience still love them because they feel like real people. Their motivations garner sympathy, and it’s their methods that are skewed. I love the challenge of threading that line between the Boss being the protagonist and villain simultaneously. Referring back to a line Kyungsoo had; they may need to be protected from themselves. Disney villain style I guess. Their actions cause their own doom. Not necessarily because the hero did anything. Gaston, Clayton, The Evil Queen, Frollo, Scar, etc, etc. You get it. I love that. That’s not giving away the ending, by the way. I don’t like following formulas too much. I honestly haven’t even decided on an ending yet. There’s lots of options. I’ll decide when I get there.

Anyway, this chapter was my attempt at showing more of that dark grey for the boss. They could have just as easily let the guards off with a warning, or broken a finger or something, but instead they went for the extreme. “Their offense was too great” as the chapter says. All they did was let Baekhyun out of his room, you might say. The Boss doesn’t see it that way. They don’t know what Baekhyun did unsupervised all night. But somehow he already found out about one of the few secrets that could topple everything out of balance. Their affair. Not that his family is sensitive over infidelity or anything, but it was what the Boss was afraid of; Kyungsoo being used against them. A weakness. Baekhyun found their weakness just like that, and they thought the reason was the guards letting him out. If Baekhyun hadn’t gotten restless legs, or just not teased the Boss about walking around that morning, they probably wouldn’t have checked the security footage, and those guards would’ve survived.

Instead, the Boss outright kills one and mutilates the other. Framing him so he’d go to prison. They enjoy taking out their frustration on the guard. In their mind he deserves it for being careless.

Had someone comment a reference to Yixing with the whole “act of kindness, act of cruelty. Balance” thing, but that was actually inspired by a scene in season 2 of Fargo. Although both people end up dying in that show. Love that show. Inspired this whole thing actually. I know I’ve mentioned that somewhere else before, but it’s true. It’s one of my favorites it’s so brilliant. I don’t think this will ever be up to par with that, but I’m okay with that.

Point being, consequences. Baekhyun’s choices had a ripple effect, and they continue past this chapter.

Chapter 4:

Obviously you find this out later, but Baekhyun was listening to the Boss and Kyungsoo on those headphones. Not music.

The Boss gives in to talking with Baekhyun in the car because they find it cute he’s acting like a puppy. Also because he might let something else slip. Oh, also, the line about them lying about nothing being wrong was them being worried about Baekhyun blabbering about their affair with Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun attempts to have a normal conversation, but it doesn’t stay that way for long. All the Boss can talk about is work. If you’ve ever watched “Hot Fuzz” I imagine this interaction playing something like the first day Nicholas and Danny are together. It’s not as sharp as in that movie, but the feeling of a less experienced person questioning this serious person with the least serious questions. Baekhyun sees this as a game or a movie more than something real and dangerous. He only heard the meeting in the last chapter, after all. He doesn’t realize yet that the gunshot killed that guard. He’s watched his mom get married to a mafia leader and live rich like an actress. He’s naive of the price it takes to stay comfortable like that. It’s still a movie where people are killed off screen and there are no major repercussions. Even in his answer about the knife he says he would kiss them as if it were some James Bond film.

I tried to make it clear, but just to spell it out, Baekhyun is the rival leader’s step-son. He has two step-brothers from the rival leaders’ two previous marriages–Minseok and Jongin. So he didn’t grow up in this dark, depraved world like these other characters. He was folded in at an older age. He’s more the black sheep of the family because he’s not blood related. That’s why he says he was happy to marry the Boss. But it’s still seeing through this movie lens. He doesn’t know what it really means to learn how to run a syndicate, and the Boss sees that. They scoff at him and can’t take him seriously.

At the meeting the reason the Boss wants to crack the mask of Minseok is to feel out his real personality. In their mind, every lawyer is an actor who writes a script before trial and reads it for an audience–the jury. They wanted to see Minseok when not acting. When they see he has a spine, oh buddy, they would’ve dropped Baekhyun for Minseok right then and there if it was their choice.

Oh, yeah, and they’re totally straight up manipulating Baekhyun. Using that nickname as faux affection. Letting his family think Baekhyun’s honeypot skills were working, and Baekhyun that his regular charm was getting them to like him.Baekhyun’s mom mentioning they operate hotels, yes, interesting. She’s also in fantasyland if you can tell. Planning their wedding as if they were in love and not out of business arrangement. She’s not naive to the real purpose of the meeting, but her focus and excitement is in the wedding which is why everyone’s just kind of letting her do all the planning.

The last thing I’ll say on this chapter is from part of my response to someone asking about the Boss’ goals. They want to gain customers, profit and influence. Expand their drug empire. It’s a smart business move. Simple as that. If you want more detail, then they want symbiosis. It’s a hassle having to work an underground drug ring when there’s cops, let alone another gang out for their blood. Getting Baekhyun’s family to stop the violence against their group and help is the only smart move in their eyes.

Chapter 5:

Oofda strap in this one gets real dark. This is the chapter most of those warnings at the beginning were for so feel free to skip to the next chapters commentary if you want.

Yes the lapel grab was an intentional mirror of the one Baekhyun did at breakfast in chapter two. Just felt like it. No special reason.

An extreme disconnect from human lives? Hotels? Even the Boss thinks it’s wrong? What the fuck does Baekhyun’s family do? Congrats if you’ve figured it out already. The major giveaway is in a bit though.

The whole, “I like things that are beautiful and strong” thing is a reference to a video game character named Zevran who’s a pansexual assassin and one of the loves of my life. Life-changing, that dialogue. Perfectly worded how my pansexuality felt. It meant a lot at the time so it’s stuck with me. When I edit this though I’m gonna change it around a bit. It’s too close to the actual game dialogue right now.

When the Boss retreats it’s because they felt breathless. They’re in denial about being afraid, but it’s cause they’ve never felt attraction like that before. Sincere fondness, and it went both ways. They actually felt something for Baekhyun. So they counteract it to the extreme and pretend to be emotionless and dismissive. To the point of being cruel when speaking about him to Kyungsoo as if he were a dog that needed to be locked in its kennel.

The throwing things is just Baekhyun being petty. He is angry, but not super mad. Enough to want to make the Boss hear his anger. Not enough to keep it up for long though.

More foreshadowing once Kyungsoo comes in. There’s been other stuff in between too. I like reading it and cackling in villainy because I know all the secrets.

Now let’s take a moment while reading the first part of this sex scene and just reflect on how Baekhyun is listening to everything happening.

…

Alright let’s continue. We stan a man who’s good at oral.

Okay sorry let’s actually continue. I’m delaying the inevitable here.

This section was hard to write, and I know it’s hard to read too, but it’s important to the story to have it described. Not only for awareness, as I have experienced something very similar and didn’t know what was wrong, or why I felt the way I did afterward, until much much later. But also because this is a major event that drastically changes how the Boss interacts with just about everyone, and their relationships. I know there are stories out there that use sexual violence as a plot device, and I’ve tried my best not to do that. I hope I’ve handled it with sensitivity and care. Being mindful of how certain things are worded and such. If you don’t take anything else away from this I do want you to know this: this is consensual. It is not rape. The Boss is just as confused about what happened as I’m sure some of you are. They’re deeply conflicted about it, but they push it down and ignore it at first. That’s the point. Shades of grey. Conflict. Revelation of characters. Okay, on with the rest of it.

The consent. The unreadable twinkle in his eye. If it wasn’t obvious, Kyungsoo gets off on having control over the Boss. This possessiveness is turning into a poison. Hearing that they want him unequivocally ends up being the toes hanging off the edge of the cliff before the plummet.

“He took what he wanted from you and you gave willingly.” That’s the line that explains why the Boss doesn’t do anything when Kyungsoo starts going too far with the pain levels. Gripping their thighs too hard. He already gave them the tension release and satisfaction. They were reciprocating, they thought. They felt safe with Kyungsoo. That’s why their trysts worked. They trusted Kyungsoo to keep them safe at all times. They could let go and not think, but for some reason that night turns out to be different.

When Kyungsoo screws his eyes shut, it’s the point of no return. No matter what they did from then on it would end the same way. He’s blocking out the expression on their face. He’s trying his damnest to focus on finishing. He’s lost control. As stated, some conflict is making him frustrated, and he’s taking it too far. He should have stopped, but something makes him keep going.

When they hold Kyungsoo closer, they’re in denial. And they’ll stay in denial that anything wrong had happened for a while. Kyungsoo slows at this point and there’s hope that he’ll come back to himself. He moves them into a more comfortable position and removes his hands from their bruising grip. Kissing their neck and chest even. The pain when he thrusts inside is more layover from the previous actions than rough treatment in that moment. They could still call the night rough play. Let’s call this the good timeline.

I still have so many emotions when his hand clamps tighter on their mouth and he mutters, “almost there.” The desperation and pain and guilt laced through his tone in my head breaks my heart a bit.

The Boss is not a fragile person. They’ve always been able to exert some amount of control in their life. But when they can’t stop Kyungsoo suddenly they feel helpless. The person they trusted is hurting them, and it’s not even malicious. They can’t even think through all the pain.

After Kyungsoo finishes neither of them have time to process what happened before Baekhyun screams. By the emotions flickering on Kyungsoo’s face though, it’s implied he knows he fucked up very, very badly and is experiencing clarity.

I really just added in the Baekhyun struggling with guards in his underwear thing for some levity in the transition between heavy things. He could’ve been dressed and just yelling from his doorway, sure, but that’s no fun.

Baekhyun ends up confessing to planting multiple listening devices after convincing the Boss to get Kyungsoo to leave. But instead of their first thought being one of anger or worry over leaked secrets, the Boss thinks about his confession. It’s the second time this chapter they’ve thought about Baekhyun in a positive light when there were more pressing matters.

“I know the difference between playing rough and abuse. I know what real pain sounds like. Trust me.“ And, "Kyungsoo is much more suited for working for my family. You know that right?” are the two biggest clues about what Baekhyun’s family does. Have you guessed yet? Locked in your answer? It’s prostitution and sex trafficking.

When Baekhyun says he was terrified hearing their screams it’s because he’s scarred from his step-dad’s "hotel business.” Saying that Kyungsoo is more suited for his family’s work implies things about his character that the Boss refuses to question. However Baekhyun crying is also out of relief that he didn’t find them more severely injured. With his family he was powerless to help the people they extorted and manipulated and took advantage of. He was able to do something here, though. He was able to scream and kick and call attention to it, even if he was a little late. He was able to help. Which is why he so readily agrees to get rid of the bugs to get the Boss to call Yixing.

Right before he leaves he contemplates trying to kiss them. His relief doesn’t overpower his smarts though, and he thinks better of it. I think the Boss would’ve called Yixing anyway, but they couldn’t pass up the opportunity to also get something from Baekhyun.

Chapter 6:

I am so…emotionally exhausted from that last chapter, but there’s not much left at this point so let’s finish.

Jongdae calling himself Greased Lightning. Just felt like referencing Grease that day I guess. Wanted a dumb code name no one actually uses.

Agh that should say white collar crime oops.

“I’d call you a genius, but I’m in the room.” Lazy reference to Sherlock. Should take it out.

“Opening him up balls to brain.” Honestly that’s just straight up out of Game of Thrones. I loved the line too much haha. Took inspiration from Petyr Baelish on the bit about killing an innocent man with the guilty one to throw off suspicion too.

I actually did math the figure out the dimensions of the tie grid cause I’m like that I guess.

Originally the Boss was gonna reward him by just spending more time with him, but after the…incident, they decided to teach him a bit too. They realized he was smart and amicable to change.

“They know, and they know when to bail” is actually a reference to Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood with something Olivier said up on the North wall.

The “there are plenty worse than you” realization hits a lot harder knowing his family does what they do. It still gets me reading that line. He’s been through so much.

Pretty self explanatory on why the Boss doesn’t give in to their desires about Baekhyun. He’s too submissive still. They want someone to challenge them. Baekhyun gives them a glimpse at the possibility he’s capable, but it disappears just as fast.

As I was describing the city they’re driving home from I was thinking of Chicago, but as someone who’s visited many major cities it could be any of them really. In my head it’s Northern California though, mostly because 1) there’s plenty of stories out there now about mafia in New York or Chicago or Las Vegas. 2) they have history with mafia in real life that moved up there from the L.A. areas. 3) lots of coastal cities up that way where Baekhyun’s family could be doing business. Let’s not even get into all the organized crime in San Francisco and San Jose. Of course for this fanfiction version it could be in South Korea who knows. I only know American law so that’s how I think in terms of writing the Boss avoiding cops and what-not.

The fact the chapter didn’t end with the ties being purchased should’ve been the warning that something bad was gonna happen. This chapter was going too well, and there’s still no major conflict. Enter gunmen.

Also side note, I always end up doing way more research than necessary on almost every story. Spent a few hours reading about and looking at videos of bulletproof cars being shot with different calibers and doing 180’s and stuff to more accurately write this chase. I just like doing research I suppose. Definitely love learning new things. I’ll go down several google deep dives on any given subject during a month. It’s fun learning new things. The last one I did was a deep dive into fashion in the 1700’s which I think I’ve decided to use in the next requested story. They didn’t ask for it to be historical, but now I want to write about elaborate dresses so there.

“It was lucky.” It wasn’t. I can’t explain why yet though.

Chapter 7:

Y'all ever experienced stitches before? The scars are hard to get rid of. Okay that’s my commentary on that.

Actually no. If Baekhyun had gone to a legitimate doctor they probably would’ve used glue so the scar would be faint, but mafia doctor. Okay moving on.

There are handguns that hold more than seven rounds, but I couldn’t pass up referencing “John Wick 2.”

“I don’t know. Were you thinking, ‘holy shit holy shit, I just almost got shot’?” is a reference to the movie “Get Smart.” Y'all seeing a pattern yet? haha. Mostly just wanted a joke there. It sprung to mind. Although I do have a few lists with lines or words that I’ve seen and written down to use later, then I try to work them in somehow. It’s a dangerous method. It’s breed whole chapters and stories before. But I have a horribly inconsistent memory. Gossamer is a good example. Saw that word used somewhere, went, “ooh I like that word”, wrote it in the list, then used it in this chapter. While we’re on writing technique, I also really love using alliteration to emphasize certain sentences or pretty-up descriptions. It started because I was writing a character that talks in prose and poetry, and he does that all the time, but I liked how it sounded so I just kinda kept doing it. That character is Cole from Dragon Age by the way.

The rest of this is just setting up the mystery. Who in the car was the target? Who was shooting? Who’s the mole? Is there even a mole, or is someone simply following them? Will Baekhyun keep pushing for answers? Will the Boss cause the trouble they’re trying to avoid by retreating inward? Will any of them get killed? How could Baekhyun’s decision near the beginning possibly butterfly more?

Interesting, yes, hm. Time for more sinister cackling.

#thanks for asking #ask game #fatal ties

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thewritersguardianangel-blog · 7 years ago

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I was thinking about writing a story inspired by a song lyrics. I just can't figure out how to do it. Do you have any tips for me? I'd appreciate it. Thank you.

Hello! Cool idea!

First of all, music and lyrics are great places to find inspiration! Inspiration within the lyrics, context, flow, and even the tone of a song!

-I would pick some lyrics that really stand out to you. When you listen to a song, pay attention to the lyrics that really move you or make you think. After all, that is how inspiration works!

-When you hear those words, free write. Use that emotion to fuel those first thoughts. It’s your initial thoughts that provide you with your jumping off point, the core from which you can build. Plus, the initial inspiration period is when you have the most momentum for putting words on pages.

-Once you have written down all your beginning ideas, you can expand upon them with the details of your story.

- As you keep your story growing, or, if you have trouble growing your story, then keep your playlist growing too! Personally I keep playlists for almost every story I write, and with a musically inspired project especially it can really help to keep things moving. You can use inspiring lyrics in other songs to bring in new ideas and twists, or to echo an important sentiment, or as a game of connect-the-dots between song lyrics, or even to help define the emotions of your story from scene to scene.

- When you’ve found some really provoking lyrics, but you’re stuck for how to turn them into a scene, try pretending that it’s a random line out of a movie, and then write the rest of the conversation. This can help you develop your initial imagining of what this line or phrase would look like in full context.

-Another thing you could try is to paraphrase the message that those lyrics are giving you, or adapt the meaning that you get from them, and brainstorm scenarios in which this message or meaning could be significant.

- One thing that I think is important is remembering the message or meaning that a song or lyric has for you personally. Develop that message, define what this means to you, and then you can brainstorm imaginary characters or stories that could use that message. For example, if a song comforts you because it validates a struggle or experience you’ve been having, you could easily write a character that has a similar struggle and finds comfort through something. Or, if a song makes you feel something for a situation you’ve never been in, like grief, a romantic relationship, etc, then you can use that musical experience to write a character who does have that going on in their lives.

- I would also advise you to use other elements of the song for inspiration when you need help. I mentioned a few of those other elements above. Here’s how you can use them:

Context: By this, I mean looking at the song as a whole. What is the whole song about? What message is being delivered or what story is being told? How do these lyrics fit into it and why are they so striking above the rest?

It may also help you to look into the history of the song itself and see where the writer was coming from. Sometimes songs have really great backstories or come from interesting and inspiring places! And sometimes, what you imagined the song to be about is different than the “actual” meaning. I love that! One of the best things about arts and music is the many interpretations it can have to every unique individual!

Flow: Kind of like the context, but in segments. Does the song ever shift emotionally? This could be tonal or in the lyrics or both. What phases and transitions does it go through? Those could be the different parts of a story being told in all its ups and downs. If it tends to stay in one place or emotion, that’s not necessarily a bad thing either! That just means that emotion is really prevalent and could be an even stronger beginning.

Tone: A lot of the emotion that comes from music comes from the tone. Tone is easy to recognize in music but difficult to describe. Basically, think of the emotional shifts mentioned in Flow. As the song or “story” changes, how does it show in the music? Notice how different background music can completely change the meaning of the same phrase. When writing based off of a lyrics, you can use the tone of the song to set the tone of the scene or story.

What a fun and creative writing adventure! Good luck and have lots of fun! Listen widely to many genres and experiences and let the stories come to you!

~Penemue

#answered asks #anon #lyrics #inspiration #creative writing #writing tips

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viraadelia99 · 5 years ago

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An Essay about "Lincoln in The Bardo" by George Saunders

Vira Adelia

NIM : 171010600238

05SIGE001

V.923

At first, I had trouble read this book. Don't know how to read "Lincoln in the Bardo" by George Saunders. I felt confused with the narrative. But, i enjoyed the story. This book make I kept curious. This book tells the story very emotional, until the impression that I had get after finished reading this book and then pay attention to the back the cover. From his writing style, George Saunders described the background of the third viewpoint and omniscient prespective. Like being felt the emotion, the thought through every word by word in this novel. Perhaps the way it will help us to can feeling what the character feels.

Lincoln in the Bardo that the storyline has the uniqueness of its own. It took the focus that high to read this book. Sometimes forward sometimes down. Maybe this is one of the cause why some readers feel less comfortable and difficult to understand the viewpoint of the story that are served of the chapter beginning to end including me confusion at the first time reading. Because the background when was a Civil War happened. Thus, all chapters in this book using letters Roman.

The story begins opening dialogues from hans vollman and roger bevins.

"On our wedding day I was forty-six, she was eighteen."

Hans Vollman explains during in his life he worked at printing office, explains he died immediately because of hit by falling beam in his office.

Another scene appeared with the background of Civil War that was still fierce, the Lincoln family; Mr. Lincoln, Mrs. Lincoln, young Willie and his brother, Tad was dinner in winter. When ahead of the night and the weather became cold, their son, young Willie laid sick. He drew every breath with difficulty. The Lincoln's family experienced a tragedy in their life with the death of one of the family members that they were very love including Mr. Lincoln who felt deep sadness. Willie Lincoln, who was still aged 11 years old died of typhoid fever.

"The fever, which had been diagnosed as a cold, developed into typhoid." -leech, op.cit- (page 283)

The irony of Willie Lincoln, he get fever after the start of the civil war just in few hours.

"The saddest eyes of any human being that I have ever seen." (page 197)

Then, Willie was buried in the Georgetown. Afterward, President Lincoln came to the location of the funeral to hug and rock his son. He can't believe his son died. It seems clear from his eyes were sad. His love and grief so great to drown awareness him. While the spirit Willie can't go to the next phase. Therefore, Willie tries to struggles to stay for his father.

In the Bardo, Willie met three spirits, they are Roger bevins, Hans vollman , and Reverent everly thomas, are three spirits oldest.

The Bardo symbolize a life transition between phase of death and headed into afterlife.

There are finally decided to encourage Willie to immediately go along with an angel into the afterlife, as they know that the Bardo is a dangerous place. Three spirits won't Willie stuck in the Bardo like Elise Traynor, a young woman who was stayed in the Bardo too long and became trapped there forever.

"We wished the lad to go, and thereby save himself. His father wished him to be "in some bright place, free of suffering, resplendent in a new mode of being." -hans vollman- (page 161)

Mr. Lincoln is wish for the best for his son, Willie. He won't Willie feels the pain and the grieve.

"Mary Lincoln's mental health had never been good, and the loss of young Willie ended her life as a functional wife and mother." -Jayne Coster- (page 181)

The health of Mary Lincoln worsen after the incident Willie died. Also the condition of the willie's mother, Mary Lincoln, so bad after her son died. She felt the loss of young Willie ended her life as a mother.

"Tried to "see" his boy's face." -roger bevins iii-

"Couldn't." -hans vollman-

"Tried to "hear" the boy's laugh." -roger bevins iii-

"Couldn't." -hans vollman- chapter XLVI, (page 149)

This part really emotionally draining, I can feel the emotion of the loss, when u missed someone you loved. The father-son relationship actually real. The grief father that makes the spirits there be realized right, how a family they had left them and never visited back show love and affection they like when they are still alive. Most of them do not even aware if they're already dead. They think they were a merely sick. For those of life as continues as usual, the fact that makes them becoming increasingly stuck in the Bardo. The presence of the Willie's soul still pure, took them into a new understanding and considering memories of a long time.

The story are located in White House and Oak Hill Cemetery in Georgetown. The White House where the president Lincoln and his wife, his family lived with staff and servants. Georgetown is the place where Willie buried.

So many characters in this book. They are who living and who dead. The figures who was still alive of course there are Mr. Lincoln, and his wife, Mrs. Lincoln. Also the people around President Lincoln like officials, staffs, servants and friend that their impression written in the book as part of the witnesses at the period of this story took place. The others character are already dead there are three spirits, Roger Bevins, Hans Vollman, and Reverend Everly Thomas. Three spirits oldest it was the most appeared the narrative in the book.

"Go on, Mr. Bevins said gently. It is for the best." -hans vollman- "Off you go, Mr. Vollman said. Nothing left for you here." -roger bevins iii-

"Goodbye then, the lad said. Nothing scary about it, Mr. Bevins said. Perfectly natural." -hans vollman-

"Then it happened." -roger bevins iii-

"An extraordinary occurrence." -hans vollman-

"Unprecedented, really." -the reverend every thomas-

"The boy's gaze moved past us." -hans vollman- "He seemed to catch sight of something beyond." -roger bevins iii-

"His face lit up with joy." -hans vollman-

"Father, he said." -The reverend everly thomas.- (Page 41-42)

In this part, Willie actually is ready to go left the Bardo. Three spirits there's been pushed him to go. But Willie suddenly changed his mind when Willie seen his father came to his funeral for the first time.

"He looked down upon the lad's form in the sick-box." -hans vollman-

The sick-box symbolize hopes in vain. The characters stay in the Bardo until they accept their death and must passed through into afterlife.

"And touched the face and hair fondly." -hans vollman-

"As no doubt he had many times done when the boy was" -roger bevins iii-

"Less sick." -hans vollman-

"A gasp of recognition, as if to say: Here he is again, my child, just as he was. I have found him again, he who was so dear to me." -the reverend everly thomas-

"Who was still so dear." -hans vollman- "Yes." -roger bevins iii-

"The lost having been quite recent." -the reverend everly thomas- (Page 46-47)

This part, President Lincoln rock Willie, pushed his hair full of love, his face full of grief until the spirit was felt choked the feeling that had been long lost in themselves.

"Willie Lincoln was the most lovable boy I ever know, bright, sensible, sweet-tempered and gentle-mannered." -In "Tad Lincoln's Father" by Julia Taft Rayne- (page 51)

Willie is a good boy during his life. He is friendly to everyone that he knows. No wonder his soul so pure and his death into a tragedy.

"Mouth at the worm's ear, Father said: We have loved each other well, dear Willie, but now, for reasons we cannot understand, that bond has been broken. But out bond can never be broken. As long as I live, you will always be with me, child.

Then let out a sob

Dear Father crying. That was hard to see. And no matter how I patted & kissed & made to concole, it did no.

You were a joy, he said. Please know that. Know that you were a joy. To us. Every minute, every season, you were a - you did a good job. A good job of being pleasure to know."

-Willie Lincoln- Chapter XXI, Page 61

In this book sometimes Willie that brought his own narrative. This part is also feel very touching my emotions. Every words worthy like a poetry. How Willie felt love from his father are so great, heard were whispers his father in his funeral. Describes his father was very deep sadness about Willie.

This novel not only focused on Willie tragedy but also themes of family love, father-son relationship, humility, human being, sympathetic, the living and the death, and serious themes of the grief and the loss.

Thank you for reading this. I'd be glad if you give me criticism.

#essay #novel #analysis #writing #lincolninthebardo #georgesaunders #historical #fiction #realism #literature #book #writer

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