#i thought i was content with the mostly sanitized but still engaging content i get from kids shows i enjoy that have wlw couples but wow

[forestgloss]

the all-too-common experience of being a queer woman in fandom who thoroughly enjoys shipping and romance but finding myself drawn to significantly more mlm relationships than wlw and wondering if its because im secretly just a dirty fujoshi with internalized misogyny or if truly is just because of the outward and active misogyny in the world of writing and media that causes female characters and relationships to be written with less thought/time/importance. as with others experiencing this problem, i can comfortably admit that the answer is at least a little bit of both cause nobodys perfect or whatever. but let me just say. getting into the locked tomb and dungeon meshi at the same time has very quickly made it glaringly obvious that im not at fault for the WAY i consume media, only for the TYPE of media i choose to consume. in other words, Holy Shit it genuinely is just that so many creators of popular stories are mediocre at best when writing women and their relationships with each other and Holy Shit tamsyn muir and ryoko kui do a dangerously good job.

[seyaryminamoto]

Do you have any particular thoughts on Netflix Avatar Season 1? I haven't watched it myself but I would be curious to hear what you have to say.

I do indeed! I didn't watch it right away, but I have watched it indeed. I think there are merits to certain changes they did, I can see the sense in many of them, that doesn't mean EVERYTHING they changed was good, but it does feel like they were engaging with the original content in a far more creative way than a lot of people are willing to acknowledge or try themselves. No, it isn't a perfect remake of ATLA, but being the critic that I have been of the original show, nobody could ever convince me that the original was perfect, just as this new show isn't perfect.

I want to make a big post on the subject one day and try to get to everything it brought up... once I have more time on my hands, I'll try to do that. But, to give you a bit to chew on... I'll try to do one good vs. one bad on my part, of whatever I can remember right now.

GOOD: I actually do not mind the multiple prologues in the first episode, even though I don't think the changes were handled perfectly. I do believe that showing the genocide is not nearly as bad a choice as a lot of people pretend it is (the way it was portrayed is questionable mostly from a tactical point of view but that's just me being a freak about that... studying basic warfare really fucks up your suspension of disbelief when it comes to war scenes). Mainly, I think it IS important to show it due to the amount of people who are still convinced that Aang didn't suffer nearly as much as most other popular characters did -- that soooo many people have made these claims without a care in the world throughout the twenty years since ATLA first aired proves that the genocide was not treated with the severity it should have been by the OG show. I'm not even sorry to say it. It doesn't feel like a trivialization of violence, it feels like actually setting straight the degree of violence a genocide entails. People asking for a less intense version of genocide basically appear to be asking for the actual gravity of such events to be sanitized so they can chew on them more easily... and that's exactly what leads to it being trivialized, minimized and not taken seriously, if you ask me.

BAD: I don't particularly like the way Fire Lords are so... casual with commoners. Both Ozai and Sozin stood on the same level as a rebel/spy right before setting them on fire, no doubt it's meant to be some sort of flex, but... men of their ideologies and pride would not want to be up close and personal with anyone they consider that far beneath them. Odd choice there, imo.

MOSTLY GOOD: Aang does feel way more serious and has much more dramatic gravitas in everything he does. And this is not a bad choice, in essence. I don't particularly love that they tried to lessen it with occasional "Aang's a silly kid!" verbal reminders that don't actually have any proper visual evidence, because most the silly things he's up for are things the two older kids (Sokka and Katara) are perfectly fine with doing too, hence, he doesn't feel childish at all and it comes off out of place for him to talk about being more childish than he actually is. So... they really didn't need dialogue to try to emphasize his childhood if they weren't going to write him being a goofball. It's fine if he isn't one. He always could be a more serious character, it's only a problem when there's no further substance to him than just brooding (which is what I remember from the Shyamalan movie...).

WEIRD: Aang and Katara both had weird scenes of standing around doing nothing but smiling at their hometowns in episode 1. Maybe it was done as a parallel between them, but it felt a bit... overly theatric? If that makes sense? Like... I know we need to see their daily lives and the context in which they've lived... but it doesn't feel entirely logical for that to happen with them just standing in place and smiling fondly at their world. Most people do not do that in their daily lives...?

GOOD: ... Contrary to what a lot of the fandom seems to think, I actually like the suuuuuper slowburn Kataang here because any potential romantic payoff those two might get isn't nearly as in-your-face as it was in canon. The way their friendship is growing feels far more organic. And some of my favorite character moments in the show were actually between them. Which is not something I'd EVER say about the original show. There's a different sense of maturity for the characters here, and I like that.

BAD: I... do not like Sokka's changes. No, it's not about the sexism. It makes sense to me that this aspect of his character would be changed, updated in a sense: you can even still read him as sexist in some regards! It just isn't as simplistic and straightforward as it was before. But that's... not what bugs me the most. The show genuinely surprised me by taking him far more seriously as a character than I anticipated they would, but they absolutely picked weird choices with him in stuff like his family issues (... the Hakoda changes are just straight-up cringe for me, there's no justification for making him some sort of bitchy soccer mom who congratulates his son but then shits on him behind his back??), his insecurities as a warrior and the frequent remarks about how maybe that's not his path in life even though he does just fine at it, and... his romantic relationships. It's wild, because I actually think they did Sukka a thousand times better than it is in canon, and yet in doing so, they absolutely deadlocked themselves into a whole other problem: Sokka bonding that much with Suki and then hitting on a random Fire Nation soldier like two episodes later?? Then having the romance of his lifetime with Yue by the end of the season?? Ngl, it feels like we're watching one of those sitcoms where characters switch love interests in the blink of an eye. Changing this element of his character this way, when Suki's romance in particular was given new qualities and way more substance... may not have been a great call since it makes him come off insanely shallow, ready to get with any girl he comes across, and frankly, he didn't feel like that in the original show to me. He's also not really funny when he's supposed to be? Part of what made Sokka funny originally was his role as a voice of reason while everyone else ignored him. They occasionally tried to mimic that here... but in ways that didn't really work? Also, the Ron-Weasley-In-HP-Movies brand of comedy of "watch this guy scream, it's soooo funny" is... so trite at this point. Please, don't. Personally, this really feels like a whole other character who isn't Sokka. And some people might think that's great... I'm not one of them. Maybe I'm just experiencing the crisis a lot of people are over Katara with Sokka? But where changes with her do seem to go for things I actually wasn't fond of in her character, I don't really feel like they did better with Sokka in the least.

GOOD: ... "Katara learned waterbending too fast", they say: she did in canon too. A month of training under Pakku is not nearly enough time to justify her being deemed a master in canon. Complaining about how she didn't get that training at all here and still got deemed a master gets a "meh" out of me because I frankly do not see it being remotely as different from what canon did as people want to think it is. Katara was fighting Pakku with way too much power in the OG show for a kid who never got formal training to begin with, and somehow nobody minds that. I don't think someone who was on that level of power in the OG show was nearly as inferior to a seasoned master as a bunch of people want to believe. So... outrage about how they sped up her learning process when we in fact see a LOT more internal growth for Katara, and a lot more depth to her bending source here, makes no sense to me.

Along with that: bending has always been connected with a bender's internal energy, which is related to their peace of mind and internal balance. This show did not invent that. Firebenders are the ones who are most explicitly shown to be connected to their feelings that way, sure, but if you needed ATLA or LOK to non-stop feature characters talking about how a person's chakras had to be cleansed and their hearts clear and their every spiritual thread cleaned up in order to reach their best possible shapes as benders? You probably have bigger problems in analyzing this show than just whining over whatever the liveaction did. A straightforward connection for Katara with her emotions and bending isn't a negative choice in the slightest to me, more so with a character who has constantly been characterized as deeply connected to her emotions: it makes sense that her bending works and evolves the way it does in the liveaction to me. Sorry not sorry.

BAD: Zhao. Uh... I've seen people say they like him here? I felt like I was watching a con artist. It's not the actor's fault, clearly he was given this concept to work with and he did the best he could with it, but the idea of removing Zhao from all prior connection to the Royal Family, making him a total unknown who came out of nowhere and rises to prominence through conniving and scheming feels like they decided to merge him with Long Feng, maybe? And it might even backfire if they DO have Long Feng next season (... they should???) and he has a very similar profile to what they did with Zhao. I didn't enjoy his characterization at all, he was just... weird. So, not a change I was big on.

GOOD: Iroh. My god. I hate the fact that I'm saying this. But I will say it was insanely cathartic to watch that EK soldier beating him up. And that's not all: Iroh actually seems to be struggling actively with right and wrong here, showing hesitation over the war, and most importantly... HAVING A PERSONAL DYNAMIC WITH AANG??!!! I never imagined I would be that happy to see that, but I was. The few moments those two had together were damn solid, some of the best in the show (and the best for Iroh, sorry not sorry, I have never ever been an Iroh-Zuko obsessive fan and I genuinely find myself more intrigued by Iroh's potential bonding with other people, never thought about it with Aang but this show 100% blindsided me with it in a good way). It seriously made me mad that the OG basically never gave them that chance besides... that one scene in the catacombs that was very much just Iroh being a fortune cookie? Aang actually being an element that basically waters the seeds of doubt in Iroh's head is a GREAT change. I said it and I'll stand by it.

BAD: Hahn and not because of the usual reasons: their characterization rework of Hahn was fine. More than fine. The actor they cast was also very pretty! All of which makes it EXTREMELY questionable that Yue somehow has this perfectly decent guy and... uh... chooses the reworked Sokka instead? Like, I know that's how the OG story went, but when you turn Hahn from an opportunistic dick to a perfectly admirable warrior and individual, and feature Yue saying he's great but he's "not the boy of her dreams" (you... dreamt about him ONE TIME?? He's never been in the Spirit World besides that, so wuuuut...??), it makes her choice in romantic interests feel extremely questionable and weird. I'm all for Yue being given more to work with, but this seriously feels like she's... a little crazy. Hahn comes off waaaaaaay too decent for her not to be interested in him... ofc, as long as she's someone attracted to men, which, considering she picked ANOTHER GUY, it's to be assumed that she is?? Ergo nothing makes sense to me. Come to think of it, a lesbian Yue rejecting Hahn is probably the only way her rejection of Hahn would make sense... and it would also not cast such a questionable light on reworked Sokka if he and Yue weren't romantic at all, right after he had that big connection with Suki back when the show began?? So, heh, maybe lesbian Yue is the only thing that would've made sense if Hahn gets reworked for the better like this, sorry not sorry....

GOOD: The full-blown, outright display of Ozai's abuse on Azula rather than subtleties and insinuations. Again, much like in Aang's case with the genocide: PEOPLE DENY AZULA WAS A VICTIM OF ABUSE ALL THE TIME. People pretend Ozai actually loved her on some weird level or that she FELT loved, ergo she was fine and Zuko's the one who was abused. This is not new. We've been dealing with people barking that kind of nonsense since almost twenty years ago. And the backlash from that exact crowd when this show made it evident proves that they refuse to accept Azula as a victim of abuse to this day. Ergo, sorry not sorry: I'm glad they handled it as they did here because it makes it undeniable that Ozai is pushing Azula to extremes and she's pressured to deliver and become the weapon he wants her to be.

BAD: ... the Mother of Faces. That may have been the most egregious offensive and bullshit moments in the entire show. I was so mad when she was brought up at all. It was awful. I hated it. It really must be my most hated moment in the whole thing. UGH.

GOOD: Katara apologized to Sokka once. You know. One time. That, I think, marks the single time in any official Avatar content where she has done that. Call me a salty asshole, but I'm genuinely impressed that they did that, so they get a point for it.

BAD: Bumi. I know some people think the rework for Bumi is great... I could not disagree more. His treatment of Aang is really unacceptable, his behavior is very irresponsible but this time in a vindictive way... I was even reasoning with the fact that he knows Aang is the Avatar, which ALSO happens in the OG, without having known it in the past! The difference? It feels too arbitrary and random that he'd know that here, whereas in the OG show, he IS random and arbitrary, yet somewhere amid so many nonsensical ramblings, he shows insight and intelligence that makes you think there's more to him than meets the eye. I may need to rewatch episode 5 of the OG show in order to confirm this, but I also think that most of the implications there regarding his challenges is that they were actually harmless even if it doesn't look that way all along. Here? They're not harmless at all, he's basically vindictively trying to get Aang to either die for his "sins" or get himself killed through him and neither thing sits well with me at all with this character.

GOOD: Gyatso, expanding on his character and making him a much more straightforward equivalent to Iroh for Aang actually is really helpful, it makes him less of a "stock character" victim to the Fire Nation, it gave him more depth and it makes Aang's bond with him feel much more real. I am very sorry to all OG apologists, but I continue to believe Aang's cheerful behavior was written primarily to appeal to the children demographic that Nickelodeon was aiming for as their audience, which meant he could not be particularly human and truly grieve for everything he had lost. This show doesn't hide that pain at all, and it's particularly good that it does that by showing what a constant presence Gyatso was in Aang's life and by letting them have a manner of final farewell in that episode (... even if I didn't particularly like the episode, but still, it wasn't a bad idea to do that).

BAD: ... call me a consistency freak if you will, but I did not spend all these years obsessively trying to make sense out of the wobbly worldbuilding of the Avatarverse to be told that the entrance to the Cave of Two Lovers is within Omashu and that it leads into the arena within Bumi's Palace. Sorry. I can't accept that. I can't. I legit laughed throughout that whole situation because that's not where the cave of two lovers was, the badgermoles would be causing earthquakes non-stop through the city, and the sewers system would not even work because they'd constantly get fucked up by the creatures (as we know, there's a scene in Book 2 of the kids climbing out of the sewers, so either they won't do the pentapox or they'll forget about the badgermoles conveniently by then...). So. No. Sorry but no. Also, why did they kill Oma??? I know they turned both lovers into women, but... precisely because they did that, why exactly was there any need to change which one died?? Either one you kill is a woman now anyway so... what's the difference? WHY the difference?? Odd.

GOOD: ... Zuko keeps a notebook on his research and investigations into the Avatar. There were many changes to his character but that's the one that stood out the most to me. He actually seems a little bit more methodical, if not smarter, but you know? Kinda smarter anyway for at LEAST thinking that keeping a book with the results of his investigations could help?? Feels like he's actually trying rather than just whining about how rude the world is and how hard he has it. Which, in the end, might ALSO come down to him actually having some hope that Ozai didn't hate him irremediably... which, too, is a good change. I've talked about it before, other people have too: a firstborn firebending male prince has no business being discarded because of incompetence unless he's just THAT pathetic, and even in canon, Zuko wasn't as bad as to justify pushing him out and treating him as shittily as Ozai did without an actual, THOROUGH, exploration of Ozai's motives. You can elaborate, but the show never really did it, and if anything, it offered a bunch of conflictive information about why Zuko thought his father liked him. Here, it makes more sense that he thinks Ozai isn't as much of a bitch as he really is: the Agni Kai is a lot more interesting because they merged both Zuko vs. Zhao and Zuko vs. Ozai into one. The fact that Ozai actually burns Zuko and defeats him BECAUSE he was punishing him for not taking advantage of an enemy's weakness? It's a million times more telling about Zuko's character than what we saw in canon, where he was down to fight an old man out of hybris and then shat himself as soon as his father stepped up instead. So... I don't like this Zuko, which tells you they're doing him right anyway x'DDDD but I find there are a few elements about him that make him at LEAST a little more respectable than he was in the OG show. Among them? He's not constantly ranting about honor but actually lashing out at dishonorable choices out of principle, which makes it sound like he has a WAY better grasp on that concept than he does in canon :'D sue me. This is a Zuko rework too, and fortunately, not ONLY geared towards sanitizing him (even though there IS a fair amount of sanitizing too... which annoys me, but what else could we expect in the era of political correction).

BAD: ... Why the fuck did they decide the way to fix Iroh harassing June was to make her horny for him? Please? Of all things??? All they had to do was just... not make any romantic/sexual implications there. At all. Was that so hard to achieve? This is probably the second worst thing for me in the entire show, ngl. I do not understand the need for it at all. Most of all when they CLEARLY changed it due to knowing Iroh absolutely was a bastard in the OG with his behavior towards her. Isn't it easier to just NOT put any implications of attraction in there? I mean, I should be happy June didn't fully harass Iroh but the way they presented it, it felt like he wasn't even comfortable with it either! This... is not the way you take revenge for a character sexually harassing another one. Bad, bad take, I don't know what made them do this but they absolutely did not "fix" this, they overcorrected it and made it gross as fuck to me anyhow, most of all with the context of knowing that Iroh was the one being inappropriate as fuck back in the OG.

ALRIGHT. I know there's bound to be more, and I probably could think of more soon but I think I'm giving you this for now or else I'll end up making my major post here x'D

All in all, I don't think this show is unwatchable, I absolutely understand people who think it was fun, I also understand people who couldn't get used to the changes and outright dropped it. What I can't understand/accept is either pretending this show is the greatest thing ever (much like I don't think the OG ATLA is...), or pretending that it's the worst one either. This show engaged with a lot of elements in different ways than the original did: not all of it was a miss, not all of it was a hit. And I feel like it's a matter of fundamental, human decency and respect not to go completely berserk taking a ten-ton dump on this show, which to this date is the biggest production in Hollywood with a primarily Asian cast and crew of all time, from what I know, by pretending it has destroyed this franchise completely and that any support for it must come from brainwashed idiots or "not true fans". The gate-keepy attitude comes as absolutely no surprise in this fandom, ofc, but it's still disgusting to see. You CAN be critical of this show with dignity. You CAN do it while respecting other people who enjoyed it completely. It's not too much to ask. I may have learned that lesson the hard way with the ATLA comics, but even then, it wasn't my M.O. to jump into every single comics-positive post to tell people why they sucked and how dumb they were for enjoying them.

That's what I've got for the time being :'D hope it's enough for now.

[sanstropfremir]

I’d love your thoughts on BTS and their current image and music if you have them and aren’t afraid of the mindless internet hoards.

Personally, I liked a lot of their older stuff, but haven’t liked anything since I think the Fake Love promotions 3+ years ago. They’d started losing their personality and soul before that album cycle, but it feels like the sanitization of their image and artistry really kicked into hyperdrive after that. Now most of what they do seems like a sterile money grab driven by the Hybe hive mind which is a shame.

ok alrighty (cracks knuckles) let's get into it.

now that i've fully given myself a headache watching the majority of the bts videography, here are three points i'm going to cover:

performative character and the lack thereof

interesting aesthetics and the lack thereof, and

the inevitable cracking of perfection

ready, set, let's begin.

1.

idol music is very clearly definited by spectacle based aesthetics. and it's had that structure for its entire existence. so i gotta hand it to hybe for this one, because they managed to revolutionize being utterly fucking average. the triumph of bts is that they're just some guys and they look like just some guys. hybe found a niche in the system and then gamed that system to the tune of one of the largest musical acts in the world. they're not marketing bts as a romantic parasocial relationship, they're marketing them as your friends. and that is just as insidious to lonely kids as a run of the mill romantic fantasy. but that's not what i'm here to talk about today.

there's a pattern i find very interesting with bts mvs and that is that i don't remember anything about them. specifically, i don't remember the stuff that's happening IN the video; not the styling, not the setpieces, if i didn't know the members i doubt i would remember them either. what i DO remember, is how expensive the production is, and specific shots. i couldn't tell you what a single member was wearing, but i sure as hell remember that first upward angle shot of jungkook and the rusted park ride in spring day. or every single time they do that birdseye shot of jin in like every video. honestly as far as i'm aware jin has only ever worn a loose fitting beige longsleeve shirt.

it took bts a long time to establish any kind of consistent visual character. and the character they did establish.... i don't know if you can call a family-friendly-style clean aesthetic 'character'. they debuted as a hip hop group to little (comparative) success, and then made a switch to doing an early version of where they're currently at right now. if you've seen any of the mvs, you know that this is a pretty significant visual change. i don't think it is inherently a bad change, since the visual branding for hiphop based groups always tips over into iffy terrritory, but it is dramatic enough and early enough that it doesn't strike me as a natural evolution. concept switch ups are common, but they usually work because the members have established a bit of character for themselves, used their performance abilities and presence to fit into a niche in the group. the idol mould is perfect for showcasing the performers; that's its function. the groups that are the most fun to watch are the ones with stage presence, the ones who know how to perform, who can act all the parts they need to play. and bts? 4/7 actual performers on a good day. in my personal opinion it's 2/7.

i'm gonna expand on what i said about jimin here (this is technically the first part of this series), because it does apply to the rest of the group on the whole:

and i think here is where we see the main crux of the difference between taemin and jimin as performers: taemin has both an artistic and an idol persona. we know and understand him to do solo work that has a separate artistic meaning to just him being an idol. even though this performance was pre-move, i would still say this applies, because he's hot off press your number, where he's acting in a story based mv. jimin on the other hand just has his idol persona. he's not known for creating the same kind of storytelling that taemin is.

bts has been very insistent on the image of the group as a single unit. despite having the size of fanbase and the revenue that would make any official solo debut a massive success, none of them have done any substantial solo work. this isn't artistically a problem, and i think it's very admirable of them to be so dedicated to the image and the legacy of the group, when that can be an uncommon trait in the industry. i do however, think it starts to become an issue when we want to discuss what the artistic visions and images of groups are. shinee taemin and solo taemin have two distinct artistic representations, and taemin himself will attest to that. it's the same with all the shinee members that have solo careers, and the same with other groups. jackson, bambam, yugyeom, and jaebeom's solo work is all very different from got7. yixing's solo work is very different from exo's. even the subunits within exo all have their own character (cbx and sc). kpop groups all ostensibly are trained under the same system, so why the disparity with bts? mostly, it's their brand of "authenticity." it's impossible to perform authentically, by the nature of performance as a medium it is unnatural, and tragically, not everyone is naturally interesting, or suited to performing: that's why the performing arts even exist in the first place. it required painstaking training to be good at performing; it is a complex set of skills and those skills are not learnt by "being authentic." being an idol is not just the singing, dancing, rapping; that's only half the work. you need to be able to act to be a compelling performer. pulling your true self and emotions out on stage every night is a fast track to burnout and psychological issues, there's plenty of evidence. the only member of bts of whom i can say for some certainty has a persona and a stage presence is jhope/hoseok, a) because he's kept up a very specific brand in the solo work that he has done, and b) he has actual dance training, not just kpop dance training. the rest of them may have the kpop dance and the kpop vocal training, but what they do not have is the ability to market themselves as compelling performers on stage. taehyung is the only other member i would hesitantly give a semblance of persona and ability to, but i think he stumbled onto that mostly by accident. and if all the pieces don't each have a distinctive colour, how can the whole machine be visually interesting?

2.

bts may never have been able to establish an aesthetic brand, but what they did establish is an intellectual one. if you talk to a fan, the schtick they give is that "it's about the lyrics." as noble as having an intellectual or cerebral message is, what does that look like? how do you portray intellectual on stage, on film? what about intellectual is interesting to watch? cerebral, by it's literal nature as a descriptor, is very difficult to communicate in visual language because it is internal. to successfully communicate cerebrality and intellect in a short form medium like music videos requires a deft hand with metaphor that can elude even an experienced designer. and honestly? i don't know whether to applaud hybe's visual team for being the most successful subtle contemporary designers i've every seen, or to decry them as worst kpop designers i've ever seen. maybe both. regardless, i don't think they're able to cross the gap.

there are exactly four mvs where i actually remember the content of the mv and not the frame it sits in, and those are dna, idol, the singularity comeback trailer with taehyung, and war of hormone. and of an eight year career......that's not very many. these four mvs have at least an inkling of interesting spectacle and character, but even then, it's still a stretch. there is absolutely nothing to write home about in the styling for dna, other than it's well colour matched. I don't even know if I should include singularity because it involves none of the other members. idol is probably their most interesting mv because it actually has alternative styling and varies (at least a little bit) from the standard hybe boom crane shot-that-shows-off-how-we-can-afford-big-studio-spaces-and-locations. the company and the group would be loathe to admit it, but war of hormone is a well designed and interesting mv for the time it was made, with a well crafted gimmick and some actual showing of character from the members. it was the start of a potential that they squashed quite quickly because it wasn't picking up in the hiphop-group-saturated market of 2014. but the rest of their mvs? remarkably uninspired styling. like it's truly impressive how boring the styling is. and like i've said, that is the triumph in their aesthetics: they all look like normal dudes (if you had professional skin + makeup techs looking after them for the last 8 years).

all of this is a carefully crafted image that's tailored to hooking an audience, especially an international one. the mvs are boring in the relative scale of kpop, but they're just different enough from a western pop mv to catch attention. and once you do sink a hook, there's a direct clickfunnel of content that bills itself on these men being "authentic" and "self-producing," which is a huge draw to international fans, because people are racist and believe that the kpop industry is a factory that produces idols like clones, where none of them know how to do anything other than sing and dance and all the music is just handed to them by companies. and they have SO much content that there's no way a new fan can get to it all in a timely manner, so they'll never have to engage with any other kpop artists' work if they don't actively seek it out. but that's another essay for another time.

3.

that brings us to current day, in which at least the last five bts releases have been in the same aesthetic vein of positive, sanitized, and pristine. i said it in one of my txt responses and i will say it again here: money scrubs the humanity from the aesthetic of living. minimalism is for rich white people. hybe and bts may have pivoted their style and brand directly into the lane of mass appeal, but when you pair that with the amount of money funding them, there's a cognitive dissonance between the message and the aesthetics in which it's portrayed. some people do like the clean cut looks, and i won't say that they don't work, but as you've likely gleaned from this response, it isn't my style and if you've been around and reading my writing for longer you'll know that my tastes runs much closer to the messy and the weird, so very little about any of bts' visuals have appeal to me. i do find the contradiction of applying the appeal of radical relatability with the aesthetics of expansive (and expensive) minimalism interesting; it's an extremely fine line that hybe is walking and eventually they are going to tip over, the porcelain mask will not hold forever. maintaining the all ages aesthetic is going to be difficult now that all of them are grown ass men. with other groups of this member age and generation there's very obviously been a shift to a more adult tone, and not necessarily explicitly. got7, mx, nu'est, btob, shinee, 2pm, and groups that have older members like a.c.e and sf9 have all made slow shifts in tone that are undeniably aimed at a maturing audience: they know their core fanbases are aging with them and they (the fans) are not as interested in the 'boy' in boy group. and most of them have telltale visual styles, enough so that i can distinguish a specific group's mv. the last year and change of mx mvs have a very distinctive character; got7 too, since easily as far back as if you do. i can always tell an a.c.e mv by its impeccable fashion and formic styling, and although shinee has always had a more experimental aesthetic edge, their sound and voices are unmistakable.

honestly, i can't predict what bts is going to do in the future, but i personally don't believe they can keep up their clean aesthetic indefinitely without some fallout. part of the fun of following bands is watching them grow musically, and the last couple of years of bts haven't felt like growth. there are fans that have already started realizing it, and there's likely to be more soon.

---

the third part is here, which is a short followup about some of bts' industry influence.

[breakmyreddieheart]

(Please Don’t) Say Anything - Ch1

Ok so get ready for a Reddie AU fic based on this post by @starstruck-stargazing

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven

++ Accompanying Playlist ++

Summary: It’s the last days of high school and the Losers are soon to be leaving for university, moving to different parts of the country. Richie is trying to figure out how to tell Eddie how he feels about him, but only ends up making things worse and needs to figure out how to apologize. Bev has a cunning plan, and Richie Tozier gets extra...

Setting: Derry, ME - the summer of 1995

Pairings: Reddie (main), Stenborough (on the side) also Bev is dating a girl and Ben and Mike are just wholesome individuals right now

Words: 2k

Warnings: implied psychological abuse, sexual innuendo’s (guess who), so much fluff

A/N: There is definitely some inspiration from the themes in this post by @elfiekaspbrak which I definitely recommend reading because it destroyed my emotions for a solid few days (in the best way) // Also if you didn’t get it, the title is a reference to the John Kusak film from which the stereo trope originated from // Also I’m British and know the bare-minimum about the US education system so forgive me if I make any errors!

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As the bell rang, signifying the end of the academic year, students gleefully poured from the classrooms eager to start their summer break.

The excitement throughout the corridors of the Derry Regional High School was palpable. Students whooped, ran and jumped around as teachers tried in vain to keep the peace. Lockers emptied, workbooks were trashed, and students poured from the main doors like ants from a nest into the bright summer sun.

Somewhat less enthusiastically, Eddie Kaspbrak emerged from the last exam of his Senior year and pushed his way through the stampede to clear out his locker. He’d spent the last week meticulously studying for this Biology exam, and despite being familiar with all the questions he still worried that he’d messed up somehow. He needed to ace this to get into the University of California.

He’d heard great things about UC; it was one of the best places to study medicine, something he’d wanted to learn more about since finding out how his mother had spent most of his life lying to him about his health. He felt that if he could understand the science behind immunology, he could break her hold over him. Better still, it was in the heart of San Francisco which was about as Liberally removed from Derry as Earth is from Pluto; he could be himself without fear of the likes of Henry Bowers and the rest of the homophobes that Derry seemed to attract like flies to shit.

Of course, best of all, California is the direct opposite end of the country to Derry and the controlling grasp of his mother. 

She had cried when he told her that he’d applied to UC, “You can’t leave me, Eddie, you need me to look after you” she kept insisting, trying to work her insidious words into his mind; but Eddie had spent years pushing that door shut and he wouldn’t let her talk him out of this. “I raised you, fed you, clothed you and now you’re just going to abandon me like this? You won’t last you know, you’ve always been a fragile boy. You’ll be back here before the end of the first semester and I’ll be left to clean up the mess.”

He did love his mother, in a way, but he didn’t trust her. Having learned more about his father’s death he could see why she was so protective of him, but he could never forgive her for her manipulative behaviour. He hoped that putting 4000 kilometres between them might improve their relationship.

However, the real reason for choosing UC - the reason Eddie didn’t dare admit, even to himself - was because Richie Tozier had been talking about moving to California for years. Eddie had his reasons for hating Derry, but for Richie escape was a necessity. He rarely talked about it openly, but Eddie suspected that Richie’s biggest fear was being stuck here forever.

But that would be stupid, right? Moving to the other end of the country just to be near his friend? His best friend, admittedly... but all of the Losers Club were his best friends, why should Richie take precedence? But that was the question that nagged in the back of Eddie’s mind late at night. The question he didn’t dare answer for fear of the implications...

No. He kept himself convinced with thoughts of his career and his freedom. These were things he could explain to people without feeling an asthma attack coming on. Not that he really suffered from asthma anymore - if he ever had - but sometimes when he thought of Richie moving to California without him, he would feel the familiar old tightening in his chest.

His mind was brought jarringly back to the present when he heard a crash beside him as Richie himself came bounding up from behind and slammed his hand on the next locker over.

“Eddie m’boy!” he declared in a mock British accent, “Chin up old chap, it might never happen!”

Eddie realised he’d been staring blankly at the contents of his locker for the last few minutes. His books were neatly stacked and organized alphabetically, and a half-empty bottle of hand sanitizer sat carefully on top of the personal toilet roll he kept in case the toilets were in a particularly bad state. Some of the habits instilled in him by his mother were hard to shake.

“Sorry Rich...it just feels surreal, you know? This is the last time I’ll come to this locker. There’s a lot of ‘lasts’ today and it’s hard to keep up.”

Richie nodded in agreement, “Yeah I’ll be sorry to see that last of Miss Kowalski’s ass. Such a sad day!” He mocked rubbing tears from his eyes, and Eddie punched him lightly on the arm while shaking his head in judgement.

“She’s old enough to be your mother, Richie” Eddie scoffed, packing the last of his things into his backpack.

“Top milf material though, amirite??” he raised his hand for a high five. Eddie rolled his eyes and pushed his locker shut for the last time, leaving Richie hanging as he walked towards the exit.

Richie high fived himself and chuckled as he bounced along after Eddie.

“So how’d it go?” Richie asked, drawing level and ruffling Eddie’s hair, “Can we expect Dr Kaspbrak to be showing his face anytime soon?”

“I don’t know Richie, it was tough...” Eddie replied honestly, fiddling with the loops on his shorts where his fanny pack used to sit; a habit he seemed to do when he was nervous.

Richie swung his arm around Eddie’s shoulder and pulled him into a playful side-hug. “I’m sure you aced it, Spaghetti. My boy genius is gonna go far!” He waved his free hand in front of them in a rainbow motion, looking proudly into the distance.

Eddie blushed at Richie’s confidence in him, leaning into the hug before instinctively replying “Don’t call me that, Richie. It’s silly.” He loved it really, and Richie knew it. “How about you?”

“I dunno man, I think I overperformed. Old Gladhart can’t handle all of this talent in one sitting.” Mr Gladhart was a classical theatre lecturer, and while he often berated Richie for his crass attitude towards the scripted material, he couldn’t deny Richie’s ability to engage an audience.

“I’m sorry I missed that!” Eddie chuckled, imagining Gladhart begrudgingly marking Richie’s work with the A-grade he undoubtedly deserved.

As the pair walked out of the main doors, the crowd dissipating now, they were greeted by the rest of their motley crew. Mike rushed over and bumped fists with Richie. “Dude! I hear you destroyed that Hamlet monologue, people are talking about it already!”

“Michael, one does not ‘destroy’ the classic works of Sir William Shakespeare” Richie began in a mockery of Gladstone’s poetic mannerism, “one simply adds some spice so that the audience doesn’t take their own lives after hearing fifteen renditions of the same tedious monologue.”

While Mike and Richie laughed about Shakespeare, Eddie joined Bill and Stan who were interrogating Bev over the contents of the envelope she was clutching to her chest.

“Come on, just give us a hint, I saw the college insignia on the front you might as well just spill the beans” Stan teased, knowing that Beverly wasn’t giving anything away.

“Stan, no! I want to wait until we’re all together, this is important to me.” She slipped the envelope carefully into her bag so that they couldn’t see the front again.

“Fine, but this had better be worth the wait” Stan replied, turning to greet Eddie. “Eddie! How did it go?”

“Great, I think.” He didn’t want to think about tests anymore, the sun was beating down and summer felt like it was finally getting started.

“Did Richie’s r-r-revision cards help?” Bill asked, unaware of the can of worms he’d just opened.

“Richie was helping you study Biology!?” Bev and Stan both exclaimed.

“But Richie hates Biology...” Bev pondered.

“Well I’m sure studying anatomy with Eddie has been on his to-do list for a while now” Stan sniggered. Bev backhanded him across the arm shushing him, and Eddie blushed a deep shade of red.

“It’s not like that!” Eddie exclaimed, glaring at Bill for exposing him. “He was just showing me some techniques he uses to memorize his lines, and yes it did help me remember a lot more than I usually do” he responded snarkily.

Richie had been climbing through Eddie’s bedroom window most nights for the last few years, mostly to study - avoiding bumping into Mrs Kaspbrak who didn’t like the influence Richie had on her son. But some nights Richie would come in and just sit on the bed without talking much. Eddie suspected these were the nights his father was particularly harsh, but Richie didn’t like to talk about his family. Mostly Richie just wanted to be around Eddie, but Eddie suspected he was just the closest of the group to Richie’s house. He didn’t dare think that Richie could actually care about him...

He would make tea and bring it up in Richie’s favourite mug - the one with Eddie’s baby pictures printed on it. His mother had always insisted on having one made for each of his birthdays when he was younger, something she seemed to be less concerned with after his father’s death. Richie liked to joke about what a chubby baby Eddie was, and Eddie just liked that he could make Richie smile again.

But he didn’t want the losers to tease him about Richie, so he kept their nighttime visits a secret - except for Bill. When he began to realise he might care about Richie as more than a friend he needed to talk to someone. Bill and Stan had started dating last year - the Losers weren’t surprised, but Eddie admired their bravery in being so open with their feelings, so he felt Bill might have some good advice. Stan might have as well, but he’d be way too sassy with it, so Eddie confided in Bill alone.

Stan smirked as Richie came over and picked Eddie up from behind, spinning him around before popping him down and leaning on his shoulder. Eddie glared at Stan, imploring him not to say anything.

“Speak of the Trashmouth and he shall appear” Stan quipped. Eddie clenched his fists while Stan gave him a wry wink.

“Eddie Spaghetti just can’t stop talking about me, can he?” Richie teased with a smirk on his face. Stan laughed, maybe a little too hard, and Eddie worried he might die of embarrassment right then and there.

Ben was the last to leave the building and join the group, providing the distraction Eddie needed. Stan looked pointedly at Bev, “Is this ‘everyone’ enough now?”

“Ok, ok,” Bev said, rummaging in her bag before pulling out the envelope and proudly flashing the New York Fashion Institute insignia. “I got an unconditional offer, they loved my portfolio!”

Everyone cheered in unison, embracing Bev in a group hug. She was the second to receive a firm offer, Ben already having arranged to study abroad at the School of Architecture in Stockholm. The rest of them would have to wait for their exam results.

Bill was hoping for a place at Boston University to study English Literature. Stan would be joining him to study Accounting, but they had both made sure that they had backup options in close proximity. The group had joked that their place would be the de-facto destination for group reunions.

Mike, meanwhile wanted to stay close-by to help his family with the farm. He would be travelling to the University of New England each week to study Modern History. 

The subject of Richie’s college of choice, however, was still up in the air. Eddie hadn’t managed to get a straight answer out of him, Richie always joking about going to “study Mrs K’s gigantic ass in order to discover new and fantastical species unknown to man.”

Richie had transferred his arm over to Bev now, who he was sharing a cigarette with. “Great job Marsh, got room on your floor for one more?”

Eddie felt his chest tighten. It suddenly dawned on him that he had just assumed Richie would be applying somewhere in California. He’d talked about moving there for years! What if he had been wrong? What if Richie was moving to New York? What if I’m moving 4000 miles away from Richie??

The group laughed and joked about the crappy accommodations they would probably end up living in, but Eddie was distracted by the rock that had just landed in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to ask Richie what he meant by that, but something inside him was paralyzed in fear of the answer.

They left to grab a celebratory pizza on the way home, but Eddie trailed behind, fiddling with the loops on his shorts.

- End of Chapter One - 

Taglist: @richietoaster | @vimra  | @wildcardtrip-blog

A/N: Ok so this may end up being longer than three chapters actually... at least 6 maybe. Thoughts? Feedback appreciated! Hope you enjoyed :3

[trash-the-tozier]

The Disappearance of Georgie Denbrough (3/10)

Title: The Disappearance of Georgie Denbrough

Length ~60.8k (~6.7k for this part)

Summary: The summer between junior and senior year of high school, Bill’s little brother Georgie goes missing.

Warnings: It’s relatively canon-typical in terms of content. For this part there’s bullying, explicit language, blood/injuries, mentions of child neglect, mentions of murder and cannibalism, lots of gay

Pairings: eventual Richie/Eddie and Ben/Beverly

A/N: yes I did that thing with Richie’s parents but I mostly needed an empty house for plot reasons and this was the first thing I thought of, it’s not really mentioned much more than this also posted to my ao3 here (much more readable tbh) Previous Parts: 1 | 2

The sewers were a bit of a walk. Thanks to painfully fast growth spurts and the ability to drive, none of them rode their bikes much anymore, something that Stan was really missing as they went. His feet were starting to ache, but when he turned to ask Bill if he was experiencing the same thing, he saw his friend engaged in a quiet, slightly awkward-looking conversation with Beverly. Maybe he could take Eddie’s place and use Richie’s piggyback ride offer.

As they walked around a bend in the road, a car came into view. A very familiar black car.

“Hey! Bowers’s ride!” Richie exclaimed, rushing over to it. He took an exaggerated sniff. “Still minty fresh. You guys see any mud around here?”

“No, no.” Eddie said quickly, and Stan had to agree. “We’re not doing that again.”

“But it was fun!”

“It was, but still--” He stopped, frowning and pointing. “Is that the homeschooled kid’s bike?”

They all recognized the basket bicycle immediately, fallen to its side next to Bowers's car, books with “Derry Public Library” stamps on them spilling over the lawn. They must have just missed seeing him.

An incoherent shout made all of them jump, the voice horribly recognizable.

“Bowers.” Stan murmured. “They probably jumped him.”

“We have to help him!” Beverly insisted.

“We should?” Richie asked. Stan could understand his hesitancy; if Bowers tried to kill Ben just for being present when his car got fucked, the chance of them getting out of an encounter with the bully with all of their fingers, toes, eyes, or ears was slim. Beverly looked around at them all, openmouthed, as though she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Yes!”

Then she took off, and they had no choice but to follow. Stan’s long legs kept up with her easily, coming up on the edge of a creek, watching in alarm as she bent, picked up the biggest rock she could fit in her fist, and hurled it at Henry Bowers. It hit him so hard in the forehead that Stan could’ve sworn he heard something crack.

That got the attention of the whole group. The bullies had Mike Hanlon, the homeschooled kid, flat on his stomach on the ground, shoving his face into the water. The rock had Bowers taking his foot off the back of Mike’s head and staggering backwards, Vic and Huggins loosening their grips and letting Mike breathe.

“The fuck?” Huggins shouted, the skidding of sneakers signaling the arrival of rest of the group behind them. Henry looked up. His expression was absolutely murderous, the glare turning to a bit of a smirk when his eyes landed on Beverly.

“You losers are trying too hard!” He yelled at them. “She’ll do you. You’ve just got to ask nicely.” He rolled his hips, grabbing at his crotch. “Like I did.”

Ben let out an angry roar, a gargantuan rock already in his hand too, the sound so close and loud that it made Stan flinch. Both his friends and the bullies were starting to pick up stones, arming themselves for battle as Mike scrambled to get to their side of the creek. Stan didn’t know whether or not they would make it out of this rock fight alive. He didn’t know whether or not Richie could tell the future. There was one thing he was sure of, though: their new friends were crazy.

“ROCK WAR!” Richie shouted, and rocks went flying.

Stan tried his hardest to dodge and keep his head down, picking up the sharpest pieces of rock he could find and hurling them across the creek. It was particularly satisfying when he managed to hit one of them, but they hit him right back and goddamn, the rocks hurt. Eddie let out a battle cry, leaping into the water to get closer, beaming Huggins straight in the face. Huggins cursed at them as Bill jumped in the water too, but after another direct hit from Beverly, began to retreat.

Bill threw a particularly large stone, hitting Bowers right between the eyes. It seemed to happen in slow motion, Stan watching in amazement as the bully fell on his ass.

The fight wrapped up quickly after that. As soon as Bowers was down and out they wasted no time, Stan grabbing one of Mike’s shoulders and steering him back the way they’d come. Behind them, Richie yelled.

“Go blow your dad, you mullet-wearing asshole!”

“Fuck all, it’s like he wants to die.” Eddie murmured from next to him. They made it to safety, Ben and Beverly picking up Mike’s books, Ben walking with his bike until they were far away from the car and the creek. Then they stood there, taking in each other’s injuries.

Stan hadn’t been hit too many times, he realized. Not when he looked over the others. All of them had cuts somewhere on their faces, one on Bill’s lip looking particularly deep, nasty, and badass. Beverly was bleeding from her nose, Eddie from a nick on his chin, and Richie was smiling at them from a nasty forehead wound that was running blood into his eyes. Ben looked incredibly banged up, though it was hard to tell what was old and what was new, and Mike looked half drowned. Everyone had a few growing welts.

“We kicked their asses!” Richie shouted, arms thrown in the air as though he hadn’t just been beamed in the forehead by a lump of breccia the size of his fist. “We. Kicked. Their. Asses.”

“Yeah.” Beverly was beginning to grin, though it looked like it hurt. “We did.”

“We need to do something though.” Eddie was beginning to panic, trying to fuss over the cut on Richie’s head but was hilariously too short to do so. “We need to disinfect.”

“C’mon Eds, you didn’t seem worried about germs when you jumped into that creek!” Richie told him, bending down in compliance. “That was fucking awesome, Spaghetti Man.”

Eddie’s smile was muted, like he was trying very hard to hold it in and continue looking disapproving.

“Is there anywhere we can go and wash up?” Beverly asked. There was only one place where parents wouldn’t ask any questions, Bill, Eddie, and Stan himself all looking to Richie. He beamed.

“To my house!” He declared grandly. “We can get patched up there. Mom won’t mind, if she’s even home.”

They began walking, Stan leading the way as he pressed the heel of his hand to the cut on his cheek. The procession only made it a few paces however, Ben stopping when he noticed that Mike wasn’t coming along.

“You too, Homeschool.” Richie told him, extending the invitation with a wave of his hand. “C’mon.”

“You guys shouldn’t have done that for me.” Mike said. He frowned, looking troubled. “Now they’ll be after you too.”

“What, Bowers and his gang?” Eddie asked. “Nah, they already beat up on us.”

Richie nodded in an almost proud manner, coming up behind Mike to slap him on the back, both as a show of camaraderie and a means to urge him forward.

“Welcome to the Loser’s Club.”

Richie’s house was a little farther than any of them wanted to walk, but eventually they made it. Richie gave a bit of a bow as the building came into view, putting on a terrible accent that wasn’t really from anywhere.

“My humble abode.”

There was nothing “humble” about Richie’s house, full to the brim with fancy, out-of-place furniture and needlessly expensive knick-knacks. Mr. Tozier liked things better than people, which was quite fortunate, because he liked his job better than his family, too. No one was home, as expected. There wasn’t much of a sign that anyone had been in the lower floor of the house in a while.

“Where is your mom?” Ben asked, glancing around. “Work?”

Richie shook his head. “No job. I dunno; she does this sometimes. And if she is home she’s drunk, so I really don’t care.”

Richie did care, though. Stan knew how many years Richie had tried hard to care about her, tried to get her to sober up or come home. After years of it not making a difference, he’d started to stifle those feelings, confessing to Stan once at near three a.m. that the less he cared, the less it hurt. Richie tried to keep himself convinced that he didn’t need her; he didn’t need either of them. It worked most of the time.

Eddie took control of the first aid as soon as they all were inside the kitchen, asking his friends to line up in order of who was most needed medical attention, Richie digging around in his cabinets for any supplies they could use. Eddie hadn't brought anything more than a few spare bandages, hand sanitizer, and his inhaler--his mother had confiscated the rest, claiming he didn't need anything if he truly was just going to the library, which was the dumbest thing Eddie had heard in awhile. He'd tried not to tell her that, but it had slipped out anyway.

Mike was pushed towards him first, but after a quick once-over Eddie found that all things considered, Mike didn't need much of anything except for some ice, and time to recover from the emotional trauma of nearly being drowned in a creek by the Bowers gang. He told Mike to go sit down but Mike wanted to help, so Eddie asked him to start getting ice instead. They'd need a lot of it.

Stan was offered up next, because while Ben and Bill were most badly banged up, they were refusing to get help before Beverly, Bev trying to argue about how stupid that was. Stan gave him a sheepish look.

“I’m really okay.” He said earnestly. He had a stripe of red on his cheekbone where the skin had split and bled, now bruising. Eddie gave him the quick rinse-peroxide-bandage treatment, really wishing he had some sort of gloves to wear, his jaw clenching every time his friend flinched.

“Sorry.” He said. “Go get some ice from Mike, then drag Bill over here. His lip is still bleeding.”

Stan did as he was told, and a second later Bill was shoved into the chair in front of Eddie by Stan and Beverly, stuttering out protests. His lip looked rather nasty, the whole front of his shirt covered in blood. He tried to tell Eddie something, but between a stutter and now a swollen lip, it was near impossible.

Ben and Beverly both were very good patients, keeping still as he cleaned their wounds, and then it was time for Eddie to wrangle Richie. The gangly teen had been flailing around the house, grabbing things they needed--water for everyone, more bandaids or peroxide, a clean shirt for Bill--and while he was possibly the worst injured, Eddie knew that Richie still had too much adrenaline in his system to stop moving and get his head looked at, so he’d just let him go.

He approached Richie now with peroxide and a paper towel, ready to demand that he sit still when Richie looked at him and blinked.

“You know you’re bleeding too, right?”

“What?” Eddie looked down, his eyes catching on a spot of blood that he was pretty positive wouldn’t be coming out of his yellow t-shirt. He felt around on his face until he touched the scrape on his chin, hissing out a breath when it stung. He’d been so worried about his friends that he hadn’t even felt it. “Shit.”

“Let me clean it for you!” Richie offered excitedly, taking the peroxide from Eddie’s hand. “I know what to do, I promise.”

“There’s no way of knowing the last time you washed your hands.” Eddie said in declination.

“C’mon Eds, it’s good for you! Ever heard ‘rub some dirt in it’?”

“And how many people that said that have died of tetanus? Probably all of them. Except the people that got anthrax poisoning first.”

Richie wasn’t really listening to the jape, looking over the bottle of peroxide.

“What would happen if I drank this?”

“It would burn through your intestines and you would die.”

Richie laughed. “No kidding.”

Eddie took the bottle back, a bandaid over his cleaned chin wound in no time. Between his mother and his friend group, Eddie had plenty of experience patching people up, including himself. Nobody else seemed to care when they had scraped knees or other arbitrary scratches, but he couldn’t just let his friends walk around in such a susceptible state. It made his eye twitch.

“Now it’s your turn, trashmouth. Bend down so I can look at you.”

Richie complied, but it soon became apparent that the arrangement wasn’t going to work for long. The rest of the group was sitting around the dining room table icing their wounds, Beverly now in the chair Eddie had been using, and Eddie didn’t want to ask her to get up for him.

“Here.” Richie offered, patting the countertop. Eddie understood, jumping up and sitting, his legs dangling over the edge. Richie’s head was angled down, looking at his lap until Eddie used a couple of fingers to tilt his chin up. Richie swallowed.

“I like those shorts.” He said. “You look cute in them.”

Eddie willed himself not to flush. The shorts were pretty old, red with a rainbow stripe down each side. He'd been absolutely drowning in them when he'd first gotten them, the waist cinched as tight as it would go, but now he figured they were getting a little too small.

“Do you really want to tease the guy with full access to your gaping head wound?” Eddie asked, raising his eyebrows. Richie chuckled.

“How about you learn to take a compliment, Kaspbrak.”

Eddie bit hard on the inside of his cheek, but knew Richie could tell he was trying not to smile. Then Richie moved his hand, placing it palm down on Eddie's thigh, on the skin where either the shorts had hiked up from him clambering onto the counter or just weren't long enough to cover anymore, and it was suddenly so, so much harder to focus on the gash on Richie's forehead. He hoped Richie couldn't hear his heart beating as loud as he could feel it.

Eddie was not in love with Richie Tozier. Richie was loud, obnoxious, gross, and liked to tease him way too much. He was tall and cute but gangly too, his hands always so warm that Eddie often wanted to check and make sure he wasn't running a fever.

“Here, hold your hair back.” Eddie instructed, brushing a few strands out of Richie’s eyes as he took off his glasses. By some miracle, Richie did what he was told twice in a row, Eddie dipping a paper towel into warm water and beginning to clean the blood off Richie’s face. Richie simply watched him, his eyes traveling Eddie’s face as he worked. Eddie couldn’t stand the silence for more than a couple of minutes.

“This is the most still and quiet you’ve ever been.” He remarked. “Someone needs to write this date down. Make it a national holiday.”

“Just trying not to mess you up, Doc. This is my face we’re talking about. If even an inch of it got screwed up, your mom would mourn for weeks.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, his default response to Richie’s mom jokes after learning that telling him to shut up just wasn’t going to cut it. Richie blinked at him.

“You do that a lot.”

“Do what?”

“Roll your eyes at me.”

“Yeah. It’s because you say a lot of stupid shit.”

“Oh.”

For a moment, Eddie felt bad.

“You… You make me laugh though, too. You know that.”

Richie winked at him, using his free hand for a finger gun.

“Well, that is my life’s calling after all. I’ve gotta be good at it.”

“What?”

“Purpose on Earth: make Edward Kaspbrak smile. I’m even going to major in it in college.”

“Oh, shut up.” Eddie responded. He didn’t want the words to make him happy--it was just more of Richie’s stupid teasing after all, just like everything else was--but his heart wouldn’t listen. Richie grinned, pointing at his face.

“See? I’m acing this thing already.”

Eddie placed the adhesive bandage over Richie's forehead wound with gentle fingers. It was huge tan rectangle that wasn't nearly as cool as Bill's busted lip.

“Well nurse?” Richie asked, taking a step back to let Eddie take in the whole picture. “How sexy do I look?”

Eddie bit his lip and grinned.

“You got hit in the face with a rock.” He responded. “You look like a huge dumb dork.”

Richie beamed at him, and for a moment every single thing was right in the world.

Okay, maybe Eddie was in love with Richie Tozier. But only a little bit.

Finally, everyone was bandaged up. Mike watched as Richie and Eddie also came over to them, noticing the table was one chair short. He was about to get up and offer his own seat when Stanley simply scooted over, now taking up part of Bill’s chair, the two sitting half on top of each other, and Richie and Eddie sat down.

“Thanks for all of this.” Beverly said to Eddie, Mike nodding along to her words. She was holding a washcloth full of ice to a knot on the side of her head. “You did a really great job.”

“Yeah, you should be a nurse or something.” Ben agreed. Eddie pulled a face.

“And touch other people’s gross and diseased bodies? No way.”

“But you’d get paid to touch them.” Richie pointed out.

“Unlike your sister, who touches gross bodies for free.”

“...do you have a sister?” Ben asked.

“You’re right Eds, you couldn’t be a nurse. The world isn’t ready for you in that nurse outfit.” Richie let out a loud wolf whistle. “The skirt alone--”

“Beep beep, Richie.” Eddie said, flicking Richie’s forehead bandage and making him yelp. Beverly looked over at Bill in an almost accusing manner.

“And you’re sure they’re not dating?”

“It’s all teasing.” Eddie said quickly. Mike felt his eyebrows go up his forehead.

“I'd be cheating on my main squeeze!” Richie said, mock indignance in his voice. “I would never do Eddie’s mom dirty like that.” Even as he spoke, Richie was stretching an arm across the back of Eddie’s chair. “I mean, I do her dirty every night, but--”

“Beep beep, Trashmouth.” This time it was Stan. Beverly seemed unconvinced, but changed the subject anyway.

“So… Your parents are never home?” She asked Richie, something akin to envy in her voice. “Is this where all the wild midnight ragers happen?”

“Oh, you mean me lying around and eating a disgusting amount of Cheetos in my underwear?” Richie asked. He sent a wink her way. “Because those are biweekly, baby. Just come on over.”

Bev looked around at all of them in disbelief.

“You guys really don't hang out here all the time?”

“The no parents thing sounds cool, except then your mom doesn’t go grocery shopping for four weeks and you’re left eating peanut butter and lunch meat sandwiches.” Richie said with a sigh. Mike couldn’t believe he was talking about something like this so offhandedly, but Stan pulled a face.

“Watching you eat one of those was the worst experience of my life.” He said, Richie sitting up indignantly.

“But it’s full of protein. That’s good, right? Isn’t that how food works?”

“You can eat a peanut butter sandwich, and you can eat a sandwich with lunch meat in it, but you can’t eat them together.”

“You’re telling me to eat one of them just by themselves? That’s even worse.”

“Okay, you can’t buy more bread with the tiny amount of money that you have for yourself, but you’re able to keep the house stocked with…” Stan reached forward into the pile of first aid supplies, picking up the first thing his hand landed on. He frowned, sounding the word out carefully. “...hydrocortisone ointment? What does this even do?”

“That stuff’s important.” Richie mumbled, glancing down, and Mike would have bet money that he was looking at Eddie’s hands, which the little hypochondriac had resting in his lap. Bill took advantage of the lull in the argument, cutting in.

“We're n-not really allowed to be here all together.” He said. “Eddie's mom k-k-kinda…”

“She hates my guts.” Richie supplied helpfully. “And she’s that crazy kind of mom that actually calls the house of the hangout to make sure her child is ‘doing okay’. As far as she knows, Eddie’s never actually been here.”

“Maybe she hates you because you make jokes about her all of the time.” Ben supplied. Richie gave the suggestion mock consideration before shaking his head.

“Nah, though that would definitely be the reason if she knew about it. I’m pretty positive it happened when I accidentally set her Christmas lights on fire with my cigarette. A word to the wise: never try to climb out of Eddie’s window and smoke a Winston at the same time.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

“No w-w-way.” Bill interjected. “That happened l-last year, Richie. She’s hated you for way longer t-t-than that.”

“Was it the drunken serenading thing then?” Richie looked perplexed, scratching his head. “Careless Whisper is a classic, regardless of how late into the night it’s being blasted at Eddie’s window.”

“I t-t-think it was the p-puking in their garden afterwards t-that made her mad, Richie.”

“You just started existing, and that’s when she knew.” Stan said. Richie laughed, pointing at him.

“That’s the one. I’m Sonia Kaspbrak’s mortal enemy, from the womb to the grave.”

“Never, ever say ‘womb’ ever again.” Beverly requested.

“Uterus?” Richie tried.

“Beep beep.” Beverly said. Then she looked between Eddie and Stan. “Did I use it right?”

Mike wondered how long these six had been hanging out together. He couldn’t quite tell, but they seemed like a nice group. As though able to read his thoughts, Stan turned to him.

“We noticed all of the books and stuff with your bike; were you at the library before you got jumped? Because we were there too and we didn't see you.”

“I…” Mike faltered, swallowing. “Yeah, I was there, but something happened. I left the library maybe a half hour after you guys found me.”

“Bowers was beating on you for half an hour?” Richie asked. He sounded almost impressed, but Mike couldn’t tell if he was impressed by the fact that he’d let the gang wail on him for that long, or impressed by the fact that he was still alive. Either way, he was wrong.

“No, I… I saw something.”

“Something?” Beverly pressed. Mike took a long breath. Part of him--an embarrassingly large part, he found--wanted to pretend that nothing had happened, suppress the occurrence until his hands stopped shaking. He clasped them on the table, giving his head a small shake. He could trust this group, and he needed to tell someone.

“I was walking my bike back, because I’d checked out too many books to fit in the basket and had to carry some. I turned to go through the woods--there’s a shortcut to my house past that creek--when I saw a man in the trees. He was holding a large bag in one hand, and… Something in the other, and…” Mike’s mouth felt incredibly dry, but he knew that drinking anything would make him nauseous. “He was dressed as a clown.”

“A c-c-c-clown?” Bill asked. “That’s weird.”

None of them were nearly as scared as he felt they should be, and Mike realized they didn’t know.

“Are you afraid of clowns?” Stan asked, misreading his expression. Mike figured he must seem silly, and was eternally grateful to them all for not laughing at him.

“Not… Not really.” He got up, walking over to his backpack and bringing it over. He unzipped it and began pulling things out, everyone looking surprised.

“Do homeschooled kids not get summer break?” Richie asked in a voice of faint horror.

“These are all my dad’s journals.” Mike began. “He was really interested in all the bad stuff that always seemed to happen in Derry. He thought that they might all be caused by something. The same thing.”

He brought out the pictures he’d managed to find: a clown streaking away from the charred Black Spot, a clown posing for a photo with the rest of the participants in the Easter Parade, before the Kitchener Ironworks explosion. Sightings around town: a dressed up man in the background of photos. A few sketches done by artists who said their houses were broken into. It was a man with cartoonishly bright orange hair, the white facepaint bringing stark attention to his receding hairline. His nose was painted red and so were his lips, the corners of his mouth drawn so far up his face that they went through his eyes and up past his eyebrows. His costume was endowed with red pompoms and ribbons and looked as though the ruffles were once white, but had dirtied and greyed for years. The only bright whites were his gloves.

“Clown.” Eddie breathed.

“All these events happened years apart from each other, but my dad thought the clown was the same person. I measured things, real life things in the photos, so I could check his height, and it’s the same in all of the photos. The same build. So, logically, same guy.”

“And you saw this clown?” Stan asked. “Jesus. What was he carrying?”

“I don’t know.” Mike confessed. “Or… I don’t know what was in the bag, at least. But I saw the thing in his hand. It took me a long time to realize what it was. It wasn’t until he saw me staring at him, and he smiled, and… Waved it at me. It was an arm.”

“An arm?” Ben echoed. He looked pale. He stuck his own arm out into the middle of the table. “Like… An arm arm?”

Mike nodded. Now that he’d started talking, he couldn’t seem to stop.

“The wrist had a bracelet on it, and I realized that I recognized it. So I went back into town, and found out where I’d seen it before.” He opened up a folder, one he was using to collect new evidence into. He pulled out Betty Ripsom’s missing poster. The girl had her face resting on her fist, and sure enough, a bracelet was there. “It looked just like this one. The beads were little pink flowers.” He swallowed again, a sick feeling rising in his stomach. “I think it was Betty Ripsom’s arm, and I think the thing in the bag…”

“...was Betty Ripsom.” Richie finished. “Fuck, dude. Shit.”

“W-w-w-w-w-wait.” Bill looked so shaken that he was about to break. “I-i-i-if… If he h-had B-B-Betty, then t-the other kids… W-who is he? We h-have to g-g-go b-back to w-w-w-where you saw him.”

Before Mike could respond, Stan had a hand on Bill's arm.

“No.” He said, and he sounded deadly serious. “If that guy really is some crazy clown with a girl in a body bag, we need to go to the police.”

“He's long gone anyway.” Mike said. “He disappeared, and I didn't see which way he went.”

Bill looked angry for a moment, as though he'd let the clown go on purpose.

“Hey, what is all this stuff?” Beverly had reached forward, looking through one of the journals that he'd brought over. “Who is 'Robert Gray’?”

“I feel like I've heard that name before.” Ben said, frowning. “Was he in the news, or something?”

“Yeah, but it was a long time ago.” Mike flipped through his things, trying to find the copy he had that detailed the Gray family court case. When he did he placed it down on the table, everyone leaning forwards to look at it.

“The whole Gray family lived here a long time ago, and they ran the butcher shop in town.”

“The one your family sells to?” Richie asked. Mike nodded.

“Yeah, that one. They didn't keep the place up to code, so they got into trouble a lot, but they always kept their prices low, so they stayed in business. They always had stuff to sell, but it didn't come out for a couple years that when animal meat they had was in short supply, they would… With people…”

Mike didn't want to say it. Thankfully, one by one, the Losers got what he meant. Eddie was the last one, and the horror on his face had Mike worried for a moment that he might fall out of his chair.

“They would kidnap people and… Sell them?” Beverly asked hesitantly.

“They wouldn’t always sell all of them.” Mike said. “There were some people that they… Kept, and…”

“And ate, yeah.” Richie finished. “What’s this got to do with our killer clown?”

“The family got caught and sent to prison, but the police couldn't find their son. He was only a teenage boy, but he’d been in on the whole thing. Multiple people saw him running out of town, including my grandfather, but searches of the surrounding areas never came up with anything. My dad thought he doubled back. My dad thought he never left.”

“The kid is Robert Gray, isn't he.” Stan’s voice was quiet. “If he never left, where the hell does he live?”

Mike had a bunch of police reports, pulling them out as he spoke. They piled up in the table in front of him.

“People reported break-ins and theft, but it was never any valuable stuff; food, cutlery, things like that. Some people said they'd noticed things being moved in their houses for days--even weeks--before they saw someone, as though someone had been secretly living there. Eventually, mangled bodies started showing up. Then someone got a picture of him, but nobody recognized his face.”

Mike pulled the picture out, placing it side by side with the mugshot of Mr. Gray. Both of the men had similar features, the same hooded eyes and thin upper lip, the same balding pattern in the hair.

“But my dad recognized him. As soon as the photo showed up in the papers, the clown sightings started instead.”

Nobody said anything as he finished. Feeling slightly discouraged, Mike slowly sat back down. He’d had his head in this stuff for days, doing tons of reading and following the trail his father had left behind. It hadn’t really occurred to him how crazy it could sound to anyone else.

“So… The clown is Robert Gray?” Ben asked.

“My dad thought so.”

“But there haven't been any break-ins recently. There haven't been any in awhile.”

“If he got himself a place to live, he wouldn't need to live in other people's houses.” Richie pointed out.

“But what neighbors don't notice a guy in a clown costume living right next door?” Beverly asked. “He'd need a job, a life…” She pointed to Gray’s picture. “The town is too small. We would have seen a guy that looks like this.”

Bill, who had been very still and quiet, licked his lips nervously before speaking.

“The s-sewers.”

“People don't live in sewers.” Eddie was looking more and more uncomfortable. “How could someone stand it? Where would they sleep? What--”

“Why didn't your dad tell anyone?” Beverly asked Mike, cutting him off. “This stuff could really be important.”

“He tried. They laughed him off as soon as they heard 'Robert Gray’. Said they didn't want to deal with that past stuff anymore. But I have a bunch of other things that my dad has put together that might help us find him. It's at home; we could go tomorrow and read over it if you guys want.”

“Why t-tomorrow?” Bill asked. He looked anxious; jittery almost. Mike pointed to the window. The sun was already making its way down.

“Shit, I've got to go home.” Eddie jumped to his feet. “Shit, shit, I’m way later than I should be, she’s going to notice my injuries, she’s--”

“Be cool, Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie said. His carefree tone seemed to piss Eddie off even more, raising his voice.

“Be cool? Have you met my mom?”

Richie frowned, leaning back in his chair to glance up at Eddie’s face. He tugged lightly on the front of Eddie’s shirt.

“Do you want me to spend the night then?”

Every single head turned in their direction, and Mike could tell that as far as sleepovers were concerned, he wasn’t the only one out of the loop.

“No!” Eddie blushed a burning scarlet. “No, I… I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll walk with you, Eddie.” Beverly said, getting to her feet. After seeing the setting sun, her face had gone a bit pale. “I need to get going too. Where should we meet tomorrow?”

All eyes looked to Bill, who had to think for a few moments.

“Is t-that Bunyan statue in the m-m-middle of town g-good for everybody?” He asked. After a collective group of nods people began standing, ready to head home. Ben rushed over to Beverly’s bag, putting it on her shoulder for her.

“Have a good night, Beverly.” He said, smiling. She gave him a soft smile back, throwing an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, and the two set off into the gathering dusk.

“Damn, I’m going to get back so late. If I don’t show tomorrow, just tell everyone else to go on without me.” Eddie said. Beverly nodded, pulling a cigarette from the box in her purse.

“Sure. Why, you going to get grounded or something?”

“My mom doesn’t ‘ground’ me. She takes me to the doctor all day and has them do tests on me. I’ve had nineteen CAT scans. I’m only sixteen.”

Beverly lit up, then took a long, slow drag. She couldn’t imagine having a parent like Eddie’s. It seemed like it could be nice though, having someone that cared so much.

“So.” She glanced over at Eddie, smiling a little. He looked back. He seemed nervous to be walking alone with her, but she wanted to ask him something. “About Richie.”

His ears turned pink immediately.

“What about him?”

“That’s what I want to know.”

Eddie shrugged. Beverly had the feeling that the action was supposed to look casual, but it really, really didn’t.

“He’s super tall and a complete idiot, though somehow he aces everything in school without trying, which is completely outrageous because it’s like his brain is hardwired for stupid shit. He says a lot of gross stuff too but he actually does care, and you can always tell him to shut up--not that he’ll listen probably, but you could try--and sometimes--”

“When did you realize you were in love with him?” Beverly cut in. She had a feeling Eddie’s rambling about Richie could go on for a good while, so she decided to cut to the chase. Eddie fell completely silent, and for a second Beverly thought he might try to deny it. But he had to know how obvious he was; he had to realize how pointless that would be.

“...I don’t know.” He finally admitted. His eyes were on the ground. “Awhile ago, I guess. But… But I shouldn’t, it’s wrong, and bad, and he’s my friend, I…”

Eddie let out a loud breath, swallowing hard. Beverly frowned at him.

“Eddie, do you… Do you not see the way he looks at you?”

“What?” Eddie shook his head. “He just teases me. He likes to tease me like that, pinching my cheeks and all that shit. He doesn’t… Nothing’s serious.”

“Eddie.” She tried again, waiting until he was looking her in the eyes. “Seriously?”

Eddie was quiet again, looking down at his feet as they moved. He moved quickly, but didn't seem to get very far; Beverly could keep up easily.

“Sometimes… Sometimes I want to think that maybe, but…” He shook his head. “It's wrong, and bad, and he's my friend.”

Eddie stopped, staring at a house down the street with a resigned sort of loathing. That must be where he lived. Beverly put her cigarette out against the heel of her shoe.

“There's nothing wrong about loving someone, Eddie. Okay? Fuck whatever…” She looked down the street at the house too, imagining Eddie's overanxious mother sitting inside. “Fuck whatever anybody else says.”

Eddie gave her a small smile. “I… Thanks, I guess.”

“Yeah.” She shrugged, touching his shoulder. “See you tomorrow, maybe.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Eddie walked home, and Bev set off down the street. She could only hope that by some miracle, her father wasn't home. She wasn't allowed to stay out past sunset anymore, and as unpredictable as her father's behavior could be, she knew for certain that her consequences for staying out past curfew wouldn't just be a trip to the doctor's.

When she opened her front door, a blast of sound from the television hit her like a gust of wind. She stood there for a moment, swallowing. The TV was loud, which always meant her father was drunk. That meant this encounter could go two ways; good enough or very, very bad.

Against all of her expectations, Alvin Marsh was passed out on the couch. She wanted to cry in relief, creeping past and going into her room. She changed out of her clothes and into a set of pajamas, doing everything she needed to get ready for bed. As she rifled around in her bag for her cigarette and lighter, ready to hide them in her dug out copy of Gone With The Wind, something fluttered out of it and onto the floor.

She frowned, bending to pick it up. It was a “Welcome to Derry Maine” postcard, a picture of a large white lighthouse taking up the majority of the front. Confused, she turned the postcard over.

Your hair is winter fire! January embers! My heart burns there too

It was from a “Secret Admirer”, her name written in on the address half of the postcard. Beverly stared at it, reading it over and over again, biting her lip as her cheeks began to ache from smiling. She ran her finger over the last line of the poem, unable to believe it. Someone liked her.

As soon as that happiness was there though, it was chased by another feeling. Her father. He would ruin this; he always ruined everything. She needed to hide it, but wanted desperately not to part with it, stuffing it quickly under her pillow. It was a temporary place, but as long as she was home too, it would work.

It soon became apparent that the blaring of the television from the living room wouldn’t let her sleep. She didn’t want to go back out there, terrified of waking her father up from his drunken stupor, but she couldn’t help herself. After mussing her hair up a little, trying to look disheveled and fresh from bed, Beverly walked out into the living room.

She stepped lightly and gripped the knob, trying to turn the volume down gradually, hoping that the lack of sudden change wouldn’t disturb him. It didn’t work.

“Bevvy?” He sat up fast, red indentions on his face from the blanket thrown over the arm of the couch, his breath smelling strongly of hard liquor. He seemed confused and slightly angry. “When did you get home?”

“I've been home Daddy.” She answered, gesturing to her pajamas. He seemed puzzled by the sight of her bedclothes. “You’ve been drinking. You sent me to my room.”

She could tell he knew that the story didn't quite match up, but was too inebriated to be completely sure. She didn't wait around for him to figure it out, bidding him a goodnight and hurrying to her room. When he didn't follow her, she took it as a good sign.

“Your hair is winter fire.” She murmured to herself, and again a smile grew on her face. A secret admirer. She got quickly into bed, tucking the covers under her chin, holding onto her pillow. The top of her finger touched one of the corners of the postcard and she beamed, a warm ball of happy light swelling in her chest. Beverly nestled her face in her pillow, now excited for the day ahead, and tried to fall asleep.

[manojisyoung-blog]

Miss Nepal 2018 Shrinkhala Khatiwada; redefining the beauty pageant!

All about Shrinkhala

I just watched a video of Miss Nepal 2018 Shrinkhala Khatiwada from Paradym TV entitled "All about Shrinkhala" and I am truly inspired by the video. She’s just nailed it. Here’s the link to the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cloHN1CoxUA&t=592s

Miss Nepal 2018 Shrinkhala Khatiwada

Source: The Hidden Treasure And surprisingly, if you don’t know or haven’t heard of Shrinkhala Khatiwada yet. She’s the Miss Nepal 2018 and represented Nepal in Miss World 2018 as well. Shrinkhala was one of the top 12 contestants in Miss World 2018 held in China. Similarly, she won “Beauty With a Purpose” award and Multimedia Award with the highest number of votes based on social media platforms, audience engagement, creative content and societal influence made, Second Runner up in Sanya Tourism Promotional Video award. Further reading: 30-Day No Social Media Challenge!

Redefining the beauty pageant!

I had always been against the idea of beauty pageants such as Miss Nepal and now, I think I have an answer to why it exists. The reason why I was against the idea of Miss Nepal and beauty pageants as such obviously (like many people) was mainly because of the objectification of women and judgement of their beauty on the basis of someone's height, color, makeup, and many other factors related to body sizes. I am still not convinced about the limiting factors of judgement of the beauty of a person.

Source: Shrinkhala's Instagram But, beyond the pageant, there are higher purposes. Shrinkhala Khatiwada has redefined the meaning of beauty pageant. She believes Miss Nepal, in her life, is just a stepping stone, a means to reaching greater good and not the end. That's the thing I was missing out of the concept of such competitions. She has become a role model for millions of people, conducted humanitarian works and helped humanity to level up. Her popularity has definitely helped in all the works she's currently involved in. Miss Nepal became the platform for her and undoubtedly, she's capitalized to the fullest. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPt8bK2gbaU

A small step towards bigger dreams.

During the interview, there were meaningful questions and her responses to them were impromptu, genuine and authentic as well. Here's the one which captivated me the whole time: Question: You’ve come a long way since last year. How does it feel to have come until now from last year?Answer: “I’ve become more confident, better with dealing people, got fame and popular than the previous year but, me as a person is exactly the same.” Answer continued; “A regular girl wanting to grow.” Shrinkhala believes that being a Miss Nepal is just a small step towards bigger dreams.

I truly believe, fame, confidence, personality are the things that give recognition and not the identity. That’s what she mentioned. RESPECT! It’s also a beautiful reminder every one of us who are aspiring and trying hard to become popular and earn fame. Maybe a question to ask ourselves; why is it that we’re trying to become famous? Some more of them: Social media is not 100% fake nor is 100% real. It’s because we tend to show one best picture out of 100s we click. “I don’t want Miss Nepal or Miss World to be the biggest achievement of my life.” My life will get meaning if I can step on it and do something more. It’s less of a pressure and more of a fuel to grow. Beautiful thoughts! And she loves Manchester United too. Wohooo!! HIgh-five! 😉 *Kidding*

Beauty With a Purpose

Shrinkhala won the title "Beauty With A Purpose" in Miss World 2018. The purpose behind the title is truly impactful to the society. A contribution has been made in health sector of Chepang village in Makwanpur district. As the title of the award suggests, impact was the purpose and Shrinkhala was the one deserving. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0qiNj5v568&t=1s I am against the idea of judging someone’s beauty in terms of superficial human features such as height, fairness, body structure, dress up. But the title she won is something that she achieved through her actions. The hard work put into the project, sleepless nights and uncompromised efforts to level up the lives of hundreds of people will truly be remembered for generations. Further reading: 30-Day No Sugar Challenge!

What separates Shrinkhala Khatiwada from other people?

She’s humble and authentic. Every time I listened to her speak and read her stories on Instagram, she’s remained the same since the day I have known her. I haven't seen any sugarcoated responses from her. Besides the inspiring personality, her contributions to the society is equally praiseworthy.

Chepang Project

What a great work it is. Identifying the health needs of people of Chepang Village in Makwanpur district and establishing a health post is indeed commendable. Even though Makwanpur being very near to Kathmandu is still lacking from basic needs. I came to know the situations of those places from Shrinkhala’s Chepang Project. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Igo0WYbtgjE&t=30s Shrinkhala along with her team members conducted talks about handwashing, cleanliness, sanitation and hygiene which was helpful in spreading awareness amongst the people. Also, the blanket distribution helped provide warmth to hundreds of people during the bone chilling cold weather. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYAReYrGBwI The village which was unknown to larger chunk of people has been identified as one of the most needy villages in Nepal. A lot of people have known about the need of awareness, development and progress to be made. The helping hands have come forward and they’re doing their part (inside and outside of the country). Sadly I couldn’t be a part of it even though I desperately wanted to. I was fighting my own demons during that time. However, the vlogs from Sisan Baniya and updates were constantly inspiring me. Truly thankful 😊

Honesty and Authenticity

I was a huge fan of hers when she shared her vulnerability without any hesitation. She shared her experience of being too pressured because of expectations from millions of people during the Miss World Journey. And how she was constantly burnt out because of people taking advantages of her popularity. That was seen mostly on YouTube for short term gains and negative publicity. Most of them were negatively portrayed criticism related videos. Sad! ☹ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GM732VM2Q8 Shrinkhala Khatiwada wants to promote tourism! Visit Nepal 2020 is almost around the corner. Wishing her all the best. Further reading: Mardi Himal Trek- 2019!

Thoughts about Shrinkhala Khatiwada: Miss Nepal 2018

One of the main reasons I'm so inspired by Shrinkhala is that she brought my faith back in beauty contests by being her fabulous self and not a recycled cardboard cut-out-version of an already seen and digested personality. She is a breath of fresh air in that field. Beauty contests winners usually tend to have a similar pattern. Not to belittle anyone, but most of the participants or winners in the past usually came from modeling/ glamour industries and the pageant would be a stepping stone in their glamour career and would later go on to join the movie industry contributing very little towards the essence of Miss Nepal agendas and social work-related projects. I'm not accusing the notion of building a career in the entertainment industry to be a bad thing, particularly. But we've seen it too many times. Trends, when repeated many times, become stale. Miss Nepal should not be established as a gateway to the film industry as they are two very different platforms (both important in their own way but very different from one another). Shrinkhala, on the other hand, is one of the few real people that has maintained her individuality along the way and not yet surrendered into the paths chosen by most of her predecessors. She instead, is carving her own way. We can gather from her social media account that her days are still occupied with projects that are still affiliated to her Miss World mission, and other similar campaigns which stick to her commitments that she made before the pageant. She is still working extremely hard despite the international pageant being over. And she does it with that big beautiful smile on her face. In her Instagram live sessions, she puts an effort to make it as interactive and therapeutic as possible with her followers talking about important issues and not just beating around the bush with a “hello” to everyone as a fan-celebrity interaction sort of an event which most Instagram live sessions usually turn out to be. I admire her personality and how unapologetic she is regarding the things that matter the most to her. Also, her humility and weird sense of humor make her even more lovable than she already is. Shrinkhala, now, is the perfect role model for young Nepalese girl. I would even dare to say she might be best Miss Nepal we have ever had till date (surpassing even the ever so cool Malvika Subba). Shrinkhala, as of now, is the person young girls truly need to look up to and emulate. To not only excel in academics but also conquer the glamour world. To not only face your fears but also defeating them with a smile. To not only being humble and down-to-earth but also knowing what you deserve and not accepting anything lesser. To not only flaunting your fabulous self on social media but also adding a funny caption that mocks the entire perception of beauty. To not only being the crowd favorite, but also acknowledging ones who seem to disagree with the most popular opinion available. To not only shining in self-confidence but also addressing the insecurities that surround the life of an everyday average woman. To remind everyone that no dream is too big to achieve if you invest yourself completely towards it. I believe Shrinkhala is the super-girl of Nepal for little girls growing up right now and I hope they will learn to grow up by building their own ‘super-powers’. As for Shrinkhala, I wish her the best in everything. I will also like to remind her to take care of her mental health in between all the madness of work that surrounds her. I hope she gets the chance to let her hair down occasionally and gets some time off for herself. I recently watched an interview where she said lately she has been getting only 3 hours of sleep at night. If anyone deserves a holiday in Nepal right now, I would say it’s her. It can be overwhelming trying to maintain the pressure of being the perfect role model to everyone whilst also trying to live a normal life of a girl in her twenties. Hopefully, the lifestyle won’t consume what’s left of her and she continues to add bright colors in her beautiful world. Best of wishes. :)  - Sahara Bhetwal (Find her on Instagram and her beautiful Poetic Musings. https://www.instagram.com/myserendipity19/ Find Shrinkhala on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shrinkhala_ (Go through the inspiring stories and thank me later 😊)

In the end…

If I am to extract one important lesson out of Shrinkhala’s life, that’d be “Stay humble, strive for better and give back to the society.” Because that’s what she’s doing. Thank you so much for this beautiful lesson. 😊 Lastly, I would like to wish her all the best with the great work. Cheers! Read the full article

[valerie-michelle92]

After an eleven-hour flight from JFK, we officially landed in Cairo, Egypt, the start of our adventures in these ancient lands, which would include tours not only in Cairo but a cruise down the Nile River.

This buzzing metropolis was quite the starting point of the adventure. We had nothing planned for our first day, which was nice for relaxing  We stayed at the Marriott Hotel, a massive complex connected to the Omar Khayyam Casino. It was a very nice hotel, a massive complex with restaurants and shops and a pool.

The traffic in Cairo is unlike any sort of chaos I’ve ever seen – with cars weaving in and out of imaginary lanes, lots of acceleration and slamming on of the brakes, and no one obeying any sort of right-of-way laws. I would not recommend anyone visiting Cairo to rent a car… book a guided tour or take taxis to get around. It’s insane!

The Cairo Museum

This was the first stop on our tour around Cairo and the beginning of what would be many tours in Egypt. The current Cairo Museum sits right off Tahrir Square, the site of the 2011 Egyptian Revolution that led to the resignation of President Mubarak. A new museum is being constructed in Giza, which is set to open in 2021. It is chock-full of artifacts, including mummies, jewelry, sculptures, and sarcophagi of pharaohs. We spent about 2-3 hours here, learning tons of information that would kickstart our trip with our guide, Bassem. He was fantastic, even though it was a long time to be wandering through a museum, he kept the content interesting and engaging.

Touring the Cairo Museum was not my favorite tour we did, as the museum is very crowded and noisy and run down, with 3 bathroom stalls for the entire giant complex.  The exhibit of Tutankhamun alone, though, made it well worth the long day. The new building for the museum looks much bigger and will be more comfortable for tourists in the future, a great improvement for all the amazing things that Egypt has to display.

The Hanging Church of Cairo

Another stop on our adventures around Cairo was the Hanging Church, certainly the most famous church in Egypt. It’s a “hanging church” because the nave is suspended over a passageway. It’s thought to have been built in the 7th century, after the Islamic conquest of Cairo. It’s an important part of Christianity in Egypt and is a gorgeous building to tour during a visit to Cairo.

Pyramids of Giza

Of course, the highlight of traveling around Cairo was undoubtedly seeing the Pyramids. They’ve sat in Giza for over 4000 years and are spectacular sights still to this day. On our tour, we walked the main area of the Pyramids where you can enter one of them to see the inside. I did not do this, as it sounded very claustrophobic, but my cousin did and he enjoyed it but did confirm – it’s hot and stuffy in the Pyramid, and you have to crouch for much of the walk.

After seeing the first part of the Pyramid complex (Cheops and Chephren) we got back in the bus and drove farther, around the side, where we took a camel ride out to a great view. I was shocked when there were surprisingly few tourists to get in our photos after the camel trek, I truly thought it would be way more hectic than it was. However – listen to your tour guide when it comes to dealing with the cameleers – they will do everything they can to try to make extra money off of you, even if you’ve tipped them generously. They are friendly but have no problem hustling tourists. Some people say they found the pyramids to be anti-climatic, but I disagree. The feeling of seeing this ancient, massive structures was enchanting – I felt so insignificant but in the best way.

The Great Sphinx of Giza

Sitting on the east side of the Pyramids is the Sphinx, believed to represent the Pharaoh Khafre, and estimated to be constructed around 2500 B.C. It is pretty badly damaged, but it’s still amazing to see this iconic sculpture in real life, with your own eyes against the backdrop of the Pyramids. This is another spot to be wary of hustlers trying to charge to take photos or sell jewelry or other souvenirs.

Restaurant Recommendation: Zooba

The only real local spot we tried in Cairo was Zooba, and it was truly a fabulous find. It was ridiculously cheap and they served up a variety of Egyptian “street food” type dishes, including kushari, the national dish of Egypt. It was awesome to try some local food, and if you ever stay at the Marriott in Cairo, this place is well worth the wander. You can walk here, it’s less than a mile away.

After these tours, we headed out on our Nile River Cruise, which took up the following 4-5 days, before we returned to Cairo for the final highlights before continuing on to Jordan.

Islamic Cairo

Our last day in Cairo was spent touring the Islamic part of Cairo, seeing the Islamic Museum, the Citadel of Saladdin, a beautiful view of the whole city, and then tours of a massive mosque and the Islamic Museum. It’s known as the historic or medieval portion of Cairo, and it certainly merits a visit when traveling to Egypt.

Alabaster Mosque of Muhammad Ali

This mosque was designed by the same architect who designed the Blue Mosque in Istanbul, which I visited in 2016 on a weekend trip from Madrid. It was cool to see another massive mosque with impressive domes and minarets but I will say the mosque in Turkey is much better maintained. It’s a great complex to tour, and because it is used as a functioning mosque, not just a museum, you’re likely to see families and groups here worshipping, which was a cool experience.

Islamic Museum

A new museum showcasing artifacts of ancient Islam as well as more modern pieces, this was the final stop in Cairo before we made our way to Jordan. It’s an interesting museum, but I will say that at this point I was pretty “toured-out” and mostly just enjoyed relaxing and meandering around the rugs and pottery, not really reading any of the plaques.

Cairo Travel Tips

Bring hand sanitizer and tissues, many bathrooms do not have soap or toilet paper.

Check the weather. February was a great time to visit – I felt comfortable in loose clothing that covered my body for modesty.

Bring a portable charger for your phone. The number of pictures I took quickly drained my battery.

Read about Egypt and watch documentaries before you arrive. It makes it magical to see things that you’ve read about or watched on a TV come to life right before your eyes.

Don’t let yourself get sucked in by vendors. They are pushy and aggressive, but you just have to ignore them and keep walking.

Don’t bother with the Sound and Light Show at the Pyramids. It is so bad, it’s laughable. Corny dialogue and ridiculous, outdated displays. It was worth it however, only for the night photography my cousin managed to capture.

Cairo was an eye-opening city to visit. While we saw a lot of decrepit buildings, poverty, and pollution, we also met wonderful people, saw incredible sights, and learned so much history about ancient Egypt. When we first planned this trip, I thought, this is a “once-in-a-lifetime” trip, I probably won’t be back to Egypt in my life, but now I can say I would absolutely love to go back to see more.

    Travel Highlights of Cairo, Egypt After an eleven-hour flight from JFK, we officially landed in Cairo, Egypt, the start of our adventures in these ancient lands, which would include tours not only in Cairo but a cruise down the Nile River.

[thegloober]

Pregnancy Games for Girls: Inside the Weird World of Pregnant Disney Princesses

I am helping a very pregnant Cleopatra give birth. It’s an exhausting and complicated process. First, she needs to be fanned. Then, I’m required to rub an ointment on her bulging belly (clockwise, counterclockwise and finally up and down). After leading her to a palace bathhouse where I light candles, play music, put aromatic herbs in the water, and rub her belly some more, I catch her newborn infant. The child is clean and Cleopatra is blissfully free of pain. There are no viscera. There is no feces. Cleo begins nursing immediately as I watch, proud of my work as a doula, but also confused. The birth is nothing like the ones I witnessed when my kids were born. It’s sanitized for an audience of little girls — an audience that is popularizing a bizarre genre of “pregnancy games” online.

“Cleopatra Gives Birth Into Water” is one of literally hundreds of pregnancy games that run the gamut from “Pregnant Ice Queen Bath Care” to “Pregnant Draculaura Emergency.” Taken as a whole, they offer mediocre gameplay and a very weird message about human procreation. Taken as a whole, they mean something. What do they mean? Well, that’s where it gets complicated.

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I don’t remember exactly how I stumbled upon my first pregnancy game. But I do remember that it involved dressing a pregnant Elsa from Frozen in a variety of outfits that accentuated her late-term midriff. Why did I do this? I don’t know. I like it when my wife was pregnant. I was bored. I have a subconscious desire to support the animated Norwegian monarchy. These things are all probably true, but truer still is this: I have a tendency to fall down internet rabbit holes. And the pregnancy game rabbit hole is deep.

I discovered the game was part of a vast ecosystem of flash-based games found on gendered and vaguely porn-y sounding websites with names like GirlsPlay.com and GirlGames.com. All the games involved a popular female character — Cinderella, the Little Mermaid, the Miraculous Ladybug — carrying and giving birth to a happy, healthy baby. The games were sweet. Creepy and sweet.

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Let’s be clear: These games were built so that seedy, backwater websites on the edges of the internet can sell ads or user engagement of some stripe at a high volume. Almost none can be played with an active ad-blocker. But that still doesn’t explain why the genre seems to appeal so strongly to its target audience of young girls or what those young girls think they’re learning from all the massaging and soothing.

Nobody wants to see Ariel from the Little Mermaid screaming in agony before pushing a viscera-covered baby fish monster out of the gonads near her anal fin.

The exact steps are subject to change, but the games all take the same basic shape, requiring players to provide some form of medical assistance to a cartoon mom going through labor. Players might provider her with pills or oxygen, take a sonogram or give her an injection. Players might also massage the mom, apply lotion to her belly or take her blood pressure. Whatever the process, the outcome is the same: the birth of a baby whose genitals are tastefully obscured. You know, like real life.

But obviously, while they’re simulations in spirit, none of the pregnancy games are supposed to offer little girls real-life insight. They are saccharine and sanitized. They suggest that after the love story, the inevitable outcome is pregnancy. It just happens. How? Ask your fleshy parents.

There are exceptions, obviously. A game called “Princess Cesarean Pregnancy,” for instance is startling explicit in its depiction of a cesarean surgery. After injecting an anesthetic into the spine of princess “Elisa,” players have to cut and spread several layers of illustrated skin, fat and organs before pulling the baby free. They then have to sew everything back up before being told they have saved the princess and her baby. There is a brief moment of blood on the first incision, and to be fair, there are some kids who would likely enjoy understanding the cesarean process, such as it is. At least “Princess Cesarean Pregnancy” is honest in its depiction. In the vast majority of games, the baby just appears from nowhere, in the princess’s lap.

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Obviously, the lack of realism is probably for the better. Nobody wants to see Ariel from the Little Mermaid screaming in agony before pushing a viscera-covered baby fish monster out of the gonads near her anal fin. And, if they do, there are surely other websites to cater to those needs — none of them kid-friendly. But while pregnancy games aren’t particularly graphic, that doesn’t mean they’re not disturbing. The small parts are innocuous. The whole isn’t.

In many of these games, the characters who are pregnant are Disney princesses, or at the very least Disney princess rip-offs. Is that really so distasteful? It’s really a matter of perspective. As an adult, pregnancy rarely occurs outside the context of sex. A pregnant princess causes an adult mind to conclude that Belle and the Beast got it on. And there is certainly a market for those kinds of thoughts. The internet is full of sites That depict the graphic copulation of Disney characters and their menagerie of not-quite-human sidekicks. And it’s fair to say the pregnancy games share the slapdash, bootleg quality of cartoon porn sites.

But little girls don’t see pregnancy in the same context as adults. They only understand it on a sexless continuum of theoretical procreation. These pregnancy games, for them, are the equivalent to playing house. There’s nothing really shocking about it. Women become mommies because they have babies. It’s that simple.

Except that it’s really not that simple, as any parent who struggled to answer the “where do babies come from” question can attest. The problem, aside from the sexualization of the beloved childhood characters is these games are clearly not made by people who care whether or not a kid might be traumatized opening Elsa’s abdomen to pull a baby free. Like the money grabbing YouTube channels that offer endless disturbing iterations of nursery rhymes the pregnancy game makers see kids as a commodity and have zero vested interest in not showing children weird stuff.

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Pregnancy games exploit a little girl’s curiosity about babies to make having them an aspirational goal.

Sure, kids being treated like a commodity isn’t anything new. Branded games are all over the internet, and kids love playing them. But what sets a pregnancy game apart from some mini-game downloaded in McDonald’s McPlay app is that it feels very clear that there is no regulation in how the games are made or what their value to kids might be. Also, there is no avenue for grievances. There is a sense that the makers know the games are awful but are also quite aware there are no repercussions for what they are doing. Good luck trying to track them down. The genre consists of internet pirates trying to explain birth to 8-year-old Frozen fans. And doing a really bad job.

And what’s more disturbing is that in their carelessness they have inadvertently created a dangerous message for girls. One in which birth and motherhood are portrayed as spotlessly pleasant. These games make it seems like everything related to love is pleasant. They ignore that life is mostly rough edges and that none of it is easy. Love isn’t easy. Pregnancy isn’t easy. Birth is a gore-fest. Of course, kids don’t need this shoved in their face, but they shouldn’t expect things to go smoothly. They’ll only be disappointed.

Consider how different these games are to the message of Barbie. Sure the doll is impossibly built, but at least Barbie excels in the workplace. She has Ken, yes, but their relationship isn’t about having a family, it’s about supporting Barbie’s variety of successful careers from science to professional sports. On the other hand, pregnancy games exploit a little girl’s curiosity about babies to make having them an aspirational goal.

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And all of this is likely happening under the radar of mother’s and fathers. Many parents won’t even know their children are playing these games. And that’s a shame. Because there are important conversations about pregnancy and birth to be had between parent and child.

For many girls, that conversation is being fulfilled by a cartoon Cleopatra and her dark-skinned servant girls. And the lesson being learned is frightening. The fact is that parents better have the conversation with their kids about procreation or a criminal in Taiwan likely will.

The post Pregnancy Games for Girls: Inside the Weird World of Pregnant Disney Princesses was shared from BlogHyped.com.

Source: https://bloghyped.com/pregnancy-games-for-girls-inside-the-weird-world-of-pregnant-disney-princesses/