#i think you could like me maybe... blargh

[hesitationamalgamate]

i wonder what my life would be like if you lived in state

[writtenonreceipts]

Rowaelin Month Day Ten: Concert @rowaelinscourt

Month Masterlist // Hey, Neighbor Masterlist // AO3 Link

a/n: blargh 2.0  The last few parts may play out rather quick development-wise. This is part 12 of 15. I may end up cutting out a part 15 though...

Warnings: mild angst, ~2.2k words.

.*.*.*.*.

Hey, Fool

For the first time since she was fourteen years old and about to have her first kiss with Chaol Westfold—Aelin had butterflies in her stomach.  It was disgusting.

The butterflies, not the kiss.

The kiss had actually been pretty good.

But the butterflies that were hurtling through her gut at breakneck speed were the exact definition of putrid.  How did anyone function like this?  Hell, why was she even reacting like this?  It was just a night out with a group of…friends…having fun.

Still, the nerves were getting to her.

“You look like you’re going to be sick.”

Elide sat perched on the bathroom counter watching with vague amusement as Aelin got ready.

“I think I am,” Aelin admitted.  She wrapped another section of hair around the curling iron, trying yet again to banish her nerves.

“Why?” Elide asked. “It’s just drinks and music.  Plus, Rowan’ll be there.”

That did not help Aelin’s stomach.  For many reasons.

“Yeah, but he didn’t invite me,” Aelin explained again. “And it just feels weird.”

“But you want to go?” Elide pressed.  She was absently twisting her own hair into a braid, not bothering to fix the strands if they were uneven or she missed a section.  She was mostly just present because Aelin had begged her to come over.

“I do,” Aelin agreed.  She bit her lip, setting the curling iron aside.

“You wish Rowan had asked you to go out instead,” Elide surmised, a slow smile growing on her face. “Right.”

Aelin scowled, re-sectioning her hair. “It’s not like that, Elide.”

“Sure, sure,” Elide said.  She grabbed one of the many tubes of mascara sitting on the counter and started fixing her own lashes. “So then why are you wearing your little black dress?”

Sometimes being friends with a hyper-observant individual was the worst.

“I like this dress.”

“You can’t wear a bra with it.”

“Exactly why I like it.”

Elide met her gaze in the mirror. “Have you, y’know, tried telling Rowan how you feel?”

“How I feel?” Aelin sputtered. She nearly burned her fingers on the iron as she picked it up again.  “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You’re an idiot.” Elide said. “You’ve been hanging out with him the last six months, calling in favors, introducing you to your parents—I don’t care what the circumstances were, you did it—Aelin, he’s not just some guy.”

“He doesn’t like me like that,” Aelin said. 

She finished the last section of her hair, arranging the curls around her face.  The strands were silky in her fingers as she separated the curls and shook them out a little.  Her make-up was still immaculate, thankfully.  She didn’t think she could stand still long enough to fix it up.

The motions were rote and easy.  They almost distracted her from Elide’s words.  Almost.  Because…Elide was right.  She didn’t have strictly platonic feelings toward Rowan.  And she hadn’t for a while now.

Maybe that was part of why she’d accepted Rowan’s invitation.  To show she wasn’t averse to going out.  But she’d accepted the invite from one of his coworkers, his friend.  Had she mucked this up for herself?

“Stop over thinking it,” Elide demanded.  “Just because you like the guy doesn’t mean you’re gonna marry him.  Go out tonight and see what happens.  Even if another guy invited you.  It wasn’t strictly a date.”

“I’m going,” Aelin said.  She straightened her shoulders and nodded at her reflection in the mirror. “And you’re coming with me.”

“Ah hell.”

.*.

East of Eyllwe was one of the only good things to come out of the bar, Rowan decided.

The band, composed of four main musicians, could actually hold a tune and write a good song that was more than a repeated phrase and kitschy base line.  The lead singer, Nehemia, was also a pretty cool person to talk to when she wasn’t inundated with fans.  Even though they were local, playing shows in the surrounding counties, Rowan was pretty sure they’d one day rise to a bigger stage.

For now, he’d appreciate the music while he had it.

As a whole, the bar was a decent place to hang out, as well.  It was one of the oldest bars in Terrasen with all the original fixtures still in place.  Even the old oak flooring hadn’t been redone.  The bar was also well known to most service men and women.  As it was a central location to both the fire station and police station, and the hospital was just a few blocks away—The Mistward always had a crowd.

Rowan entered the bar, later than intended, and shook off the chill from outside.  The promised storm was nearly at their doorstep, lingering just in the distance.  The snow had stopped at some point in the afternoon, leaving behind a desperate sort of chill that sank into your bones.  Soon, the floodgates would open and there’d be hell to pay.

For now, he embraced the warmth of the bar and the familiar scent of whiskey and wood.  It had been a while since he’d joined the rest of the crew for drinks.  Mostly to avoid being the subject of razzing.  They all knew his trials with Aelin and all enjoyed making a show of it.  If not that came the quest to get him a date.  And if all else failed—drunken pool.

The music filled the bar like a heavy weight.  The guitar and drums hitting out a steady beat that begged listeners to get up and move.  On the small stage Nehemia was at the mic, her long hair twisted into neat box braids, dark skin alight in flashing blue lights.

And this flood, this flood is slowly rising up

Swallowin’ the ground beneath my feet

Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition

So I’ll swim, I’ll swim

As the water rises up, sun is sinkin’ down

And now all I can see are the planets in a row

Suggestin’ it’s best that I—slow down

It was one of Rowans favorite songs they sang, he even had it downloaded on his phone.  It was made all the more enjoyable with Nehemia’s strong voice and the way she could slide from a low alto into a soprano without missing a beat.

And then Rowan saw the dance floor and who occupied it.

His attention glazed over Fenrys to the woman he was dancing with.  It was impossible not to notice her, with her tight fitting black dress that clung to her curves, hitting barely past the tops of her thighs, and her long blonde hair hanging in loose curls, that glowing, golden brown skin of hers—Aelin was impossible not to notice.  Especially when she smiled like that.

Rowan was sure he could only count on one hand the amount of times he’d seen her smile and laugh like that.

When they’d gone rock climbing, her parent’s dinner party, her impromptu dance party, when he’d been dressed as damned Santa Claus—

And they all seemed to pale in comparison to this.

The song faded away into a small piano riff as Nehemia announced a small break from the bad. As the music ended, a dull silence flooded the bar before natural chatter picked up. It felt like a weight was lifted from the room, but not in a comforting way.  Sometimes, that heady lull of music was the only thing that could keep you together.

Rowan felt that distinctly.

He watched as Aelin and Fenrys lingered on the dance floor, Fenrys leaning in to say something and Aelin letting out a laugh before punching his shoulder.  The sight had his gut clenching and a distinct flurry of…anger?  Irritation?  He didn’t know what it was only that it left a sour taste in his mouth.

Thinking about it too closely wouldn’t do him any good. 

Instead, he headed straight to the bar.  He needed a drink.  It hadn’t been a good day, even with the cookies Aelin had brought over.  He’d even had a few of them and, yes, they’d been delicious.  But that didn’t dull the exhaustion from being dragged through drills all afternoon.  In the snow. 

He reached the bar and signaled for a drink.  The bartender knew who he was, even if his record was spotty for coming it.  But Asterin had a sharp memory.  He leaned against the bar, trying to avoid where Aelin and Fenrys were still talking.  He instead landed on the sight of Lorcan sitting with a petite brunette on the other side of the bar.

That alone distracted Rowan enough from Aelin.  Lorcan hadn’t dated anyone, let alone shown interest in dating, since his ex left a year ago.  He’d be shocked about it later, he decided.

Asterin returned with his drink which Rowan accepted.  He downed most of it in one gulp.  The burn of the alcohol slid all the way down his throat and settled in his already roiling gut.  He should just leave.  No one had seen him yet anyways.

“Buzzard!  You made it.”

Aelin appeared beside him, one hand trailing across his back to settle on his shoulder.  The easy, gentle, way she touched him threatened to send a shiver racing over his skin.

“Surprised?” he asked looking up at her.

If he’d thought she looked good before, it was nothing compared to the up-close view.  Her make-up was flawless, the smokey shadow of her eyes and dark liner making her already vivid eyes pop.  Her cherry red lipstick hadn’t even begun to fade.  A sheen of sweat only made her skin glisten beneath the shadowed lights of the bar.

He was a fool, an idiot.  Ridiculous for even thinking he could keep his thoughts about her neutral.  Another reason he shouldn’t have come.  And why he should disentangle himself from her as a whole.

“Maybe,” she said, sliding onto the stool beside him.  She smiled as Asterin dropped a beer off for her. “I hear you don’t join the boys that often.”

“The boys?” he asked.

Aelin shrugged. “Fenrys and Connall are quite the pair.  And then Lorcan’s over there trying to hit on my friend.”

From the looks of it, Lorcan was actually having some success.  But Rowan wouldn’t say that.  He had a feeling Aelin was more than willing to rip Lorcan’s throat out at a moments notice.

“They’re good guys,” he said, because it was true and she deserved that confirmation. “Even Lorcan.”

“Jury’s still out on him,” Aelin admitted.  She took a slow pull of her drink as she looked him over. “How long have you known them?”

“Few years,” he admitted. “Even before moving to Terrasen, I did trainings and rescue missions with Lorcan and Gavriel before.”

“And Gavriel’s the captain?” Aelin asked, glancing over her shoulder to examine the crowd.

“He’s not here, he doesn’t come out with us usually,” Rowan explained.

“I didn’t think anyone liked people less than you,” Aelin said.

Rowan rolled hiss eyes while she smirked. 

“Smart ass,” he muttered.

“My ass is pretty great.”

“Great at getting into trouble.”

It was worse that she was so easy to talk to.  Worse that he wanted to talk to her.  He’d learned the hard way that the easy things, weren’t necessarily the best for you.  Maybe Aelin wasn’t Lyria.  And maybe she wasn’t prone to walking away, leaving people behind—but he wasn’t sure he could risk that.

He had a lot of issues and Lyria was only part of that.  But he couldn’t drag Aelin into any of that.  So maybe, maybe, he shouldn’t even try to get closer.  It would only make it worse for the both of them.

“C’mon,” Aelin said.  From the stage, a guitar chord indicated the music would start up again.  She reached out and took Rowan’s hand, her fingers lacing perfectly with his. “Let’s go dance.”

She took another pull of her drink before slipping off her stool and tugging on his hand.  There was something about her standing over him like that, with that small smile and the curve of her body—Rowan wanted to give into her.

But he couldn’t. 

If there was anything Lyria and his past in general had taught him it was that he didn’t get the happily ever after type ending.  It just wasn’t in the cards for him.

He stood, knocking back the rest of his drink before pulling away from her. 

“I can’t,” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching out, from pulling her back against him.

Aelin paused, staring at him with wide, confused eyes.

Over the speakers Nehemia started singing a cover to The Fray, the most random song she could have picked for The Mistward.  The piano was slowly joined by a subtle beat on the drums, keeping a calm, if tense, atmosphere building, building…

As he goes left, and you stay right Between the lines of fear and blame You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

“Fine,” Aelin said.

And then she was gone, lost to the crowd.

Bile rose in his gut and Rowan was sure he was going to be sick.  Fenrys soon replaced Aelin, looking just as confused, if a little upset.

“What the hell’d you do?” he demanded.

Rowan only shook his head and left the bar.

Outside, the snow began falling. 

.*.*.*.*.

songs included are "dark blue" by jack's mannequin and "how to save a life" by the fray.

[megaderping]

Nothing drives me up the wall more in the Persona 5 fandom than when people act like they'd be so much better than Akechi in his position. "Well, I would know better!" Bullshit. You don't know that. Japan's treatment of illegitimate children is so heinous that I don't think it's easy for westerners to comprehend. As I understand it, when you turn 15, you're thrown out of the system. Akechi was... how old when he approached Shido? Ah, yes, 15. Likely, he'd been cast out to fend for himself when Yaldabaoth gave him the power (with very malevolent intentions). Shido has his cleaner and his connections. Even if Akechi quit, he wouldn't be safe in the real world. Maybe in the Metaverse, but how long could he even feasibly stay there before needing to eat and sleep? There are safe areas, sure, but those are hardly accommodating, and people severely understate the impact Shido could've had on his mental health once he did join with him. Look at Yusuke and Haru, both of whom were abused and neglected by their parental figures. Both of whom had difficulty even acknowledging what was wrong. Haru continued to downplay her father's crimes and atrocities as well as his abuse of her, likely in part due to her grief and in part due to her wishes for what he could've been. Trauma and mental illness as well as a lack of support systems can break people and push them to make reckless choices because they believe there is nothing else they are good for. The Phantom Thieves were lucky enough to have each other, and that saved them from going down a dark path. Any one of them could have and, hell, if Yaldabaoth had chosen Yusuke or Haru, for instance, there's no way Madarame and Okumura wouldn't have taken advantage of that power and made them do heinous things. Just... god. I really hate the armchair "well, I'm smart enough to know better and I would take homelessness over ~murder~." It's easy to say that when you haven't suffered years of neglect and presumably abuse in a society that sees you as less than human due to circumstances outside your control (e.g. being an illegitimate child whose mother did sex work) in a country that is opposed to adoption overall and just... Argh. And this all started because I tried to point out that, hey, maybe calling Shuake toxic in a server for a fic that is one of the big Akechi and Shuake fics isn't the kindest thing, tried to explain things, and it just blew up. While also pushing for why their preferred ship is better and like... god. I hate that so much. ._. Fastest way to turn me off of a ship is when really hostile fans use their preferred pairing to tear down one that I really like. Just... blargh. What a way to start the day.

[glassprism]

Do you have some least favorite final lair kisses or least favorite return of the ring scenes?

I don't think I have any least favorites because, for me, I don't think there's many ways to play this scene "wrong". Well, maybe during the kiss Christine could slobber her tongue all over the Phantom's face or something, but even then I wouldn't make it my least favorite, because it's entertaining! Heck, it'd probably be my ultimate favorite for the sheer hilarity.

The same goes for the returning of the ring scene; I'm pretty open to any and all interpretations, so short of Christine, I don't know, hurling the ring back at the Phantom's face whilst singing, "Sayonara, sucker!" I don't have any individual least favorites that I've seen. At worst, they're unmemorable, but that's also the majority of kiss and ring returning scenes.

No, I think my least favorite ring returning scene is from a specific production, and that is the scene from the restaged tours (the kiss scene is fine). If you don't know, in that version, after chasing Raoul and Christine out, the Phantom cries over his torn up music sheets (clearly the most important thing in his life) and sings, "Christine, I love you" to the audience. Unbeknownst to him, Christine has returned to his lair to return the ring, but the Phantom does not see her as his back is to her. Rather than facing him, Christine simply places the ring down on his table and leaves. The Phantom then turns around and sees the ring and cries some more, I guess, before diving under the bed to hide from the incoming mob.

And man, I just don't like this interpretation. First, it deprives us of that emotional, final face-to-face moment between the Phantom and Christine. Second, we lose out on the endpoint of the Phantom's arc from seemingly mystical, manipulative being to a sad, broken man; he's no longer the Angel of Music, no longer the Opera Ghost, no longer trying to force Christine's hand, entrance her into loving him, or manipulate her feelings, he's just a lonely man, telling her that he loves her. (Though the restaged tour overly humanizes the Phantom so much that it probably doesn't even matter much.) And third, Christine loses out on that final moment of choice, of agency. She doesn't get to look at the Phantom and decide, once and for all, "No, I can't stay with him, whatever I feel." Instead she avoids the entire moment, dropping the ring and fleeing. Her arc is all about seeing behind the Phantom's many masks and personas and finding the strength to face him, but then at this moment, maybe the most important moment of all, she's robbed of it. Blargh.

Anyway this turned into yet another "I hate the restaged tour" post so I'm going to stop. I actually do enjoy some aspects of it, I swear! But boy do I not like how they blocked some scenes.

[yuujispinkhair]

Blargh...I feel like I'm dying 😭 I'm on my period, cramping, feel sick to my stomach, and my body feels weak. I wish someone could take care of me for a change.

Maybe Yuuji? Sukuna could, but he'd probably pout a bit that I'm not able to baby him.

AAAHHH I am sending you lots of love and I hope the cramps will get better soon!! 💗💗

I definitely think that Yuuji would be such a sweet and loving boyfriend and totally take super good care of you!! He would be a bit clueless at first, because he grew up in a male household and I don't think Wasuke ever told him about menstruation problems lol, but Yuuji is eager to learn and to help, so don't worry!! Yuuji's got you!

Sukuna might make his usual teasing comments at first, but the moment he sees how emotional you are because of the hormones, he is quick to shut his mouth and instead do what he is excellent at: Taking care of you. He knows what he is doing, and a quick Google search tells him anything he didn't already know about menstruation. So you are in good hands! Especially because Kuna is very protective over you and loves to do all those acts of service for you.

I wrote some drabbles a while ago about that topic, maybe those can give you comfort too:

Yuuji taking care of you during your period

Sukuna taking care of you during your period

[gemwolfz]

going on an adventure because i went to a queer event at the student center and they had nail polish and i was like hey that sounds fun :) and all they had was gel polish right? and previously unbeknownst to me, gel polish is a whole ordeal to get off! so im having to make an emergency walmart run because my poorly-applied nail polish is driving me insane. keroro playlist carry me through this. maybe i'll get some normal nail polish while im there. the type that doesnt want to cling to you for dear life. maybe even a more keroroesque green. or something sparkly. like idk i think i could make it work im just losing my marbles because the gel polish has caused fucking textures augh blargh aughhr

[donnerpartyofone]

blargh.

Already debating whether this therapist is going to work out. Which is possibly a good thing if I'm resisting because I'm being challenged. But I'm concerned that her whole approach is doing "you are valid" on me. I feel like that's not really my problem, that I don't necessarily need somebody to tell me my feelings matter. I mean of course that's always a point of contention because when your feelings bring no particular consequences, then it can sure seem like they don't matter (because they really don't in any objective sense), but to me the more pressing issue is WHAT I'm having feelings about and how I grapple with that thing. You can tell me my feelings about X matter all day long and it's not going to affect what a hard time I'm having managing X in my life, and who knows maybe it will make things worse to get so excited about the validity of my feelings, I don't know if I like imagining just how much MORE anger/grief/resentment/whatever I could be experiencing if I got really into like celebrating the importance of all my feelings. Mainly though I don't think the central question of therapy, for me, is "Is it OK that I'm like this?" Frankly it has to be OK because I AM "like this", that part isn't really up for debate. I think I'm more interested in talking about WHY I'm like this, how do I make it more manageable, or maybe how do I get better at/more tolerant of the parts of life that are so hostile and alien to me. Like to use the easy example of whatever is going on with me cognitively--I'm chronically disorganized, I'm destructively clumsy, I get lost going to very familiar places, I have trouble with basic mandatory parts of adult life like filling out forms or whatever, none of this improves with practice/patience/assistance--you know, you can tell me all day long that I'm a good person and I still deserve to live, but that really has no impact on the daily suffering I experience while trying to do things. I mean what am I supposed to do about THAT, I ask you, being "valid" doesn't seem to help me cope. The valid part is just some sort of abstract concept that I can choose to subscribe to or not, like belief in god. Though actually belief in god can give you a sense of purpose, or a sense of the relative meaning of things; just liking yourself doesn't necessarily do any of that. I know plenty of people who seem to really love themselves and actually, they're just really easily insulted and entitled about everything. That seems to be not great for them or anyone around them.

This surface-level complaint is actually what caused me to quit therapy the first time; when I told that person that I was having a hard time just doing basic independent adult things, her technique was to try to convince me that I was NOT having a hard time with anything, I was just exaggerating (lying, or even hallucinating I supposed) because I have low self-esteem. Which created the incredibly destructive and surprisingly long-lasting habit of mentally cataloguing every single time I have trouble doing something, in excruciating detail, so that anyone I could tell would be forced to believe me. And actually, a lot of people don't believe me anyway, no matter what I say. Aw, there there. You're so smart though. You can do anything. Nothing is hard for you except self-acceptance. You are valid.

I'm trying to keep my mind on how desperate I felt when I decided to go back into therapy, and how hard it was to find any available therapist at all who wasn't working for a scammy startup and who wasn't a chirpy little baby who I would never be able to take seriously (or both). I'm not going to give up right away. But I cannot be paying someone to give me pep talks about how I'm OK, You're OK. I have to assert that I'm not in therapy just to be told that I'm still a nice person with good qualities, which has no effect on how hard it is for me to do things, and no effect on the CPTSD that changed my understanding of how the world works and created all sorts of maladaptive behaviors and thought patterns. There could be some value in just having an opportunity to say secret and difficult things out loud, to hear what they sound like. But I'm going to have to train this person to stop reminding me that I'm still a cool dude even if I struggle, because I don't really have a question about my value as a person. It's the struggle part I'm worried about, figuring out why it happens and learning how to cope with it.

I often bring this up, but there's an episode of [cancelled TV show] where [cancelled star] is forced to babysit for this narcissistic mom in his PTA group. Her little boy turns out to be totally demonic, eating raw meat and wreaking havoc; eventually the protagonist finds him in the tub, soaking in a pool of his own diarrhea. He explains, stone faced, that "Mommy says anything I do is OK because I love myself." That's how I'm feeling right now, like my problem is that I'm drowning in shit, and I strongly suspect that loving myself is not going to affect the level of shit that I'm in.

[muffinrecord]

Muffin, what do you think are the best and worst transformations?

Ohh that's a great question.

For transformation scenes, I prefer when an actual transformation occurs. I don't really like the ones where the emphasis is on the weapon appearing or just some pretty animation. Also, this goes without saying but I don't like fanservice in it. Lastly, I really like it when the video tells you a little bit about the character. I don't mean like... "this character likes books" or things like that, but stuff you can read into.

I'm just gonna go through the playlist...

Imo, Tart's is pretty bad. It's got some weird frames, it focuses a little too much on the weapon going from a banner to.. whatever, and her expression looks weird as fuck in the last shot.

Holy Alina's is great. It's a transformation but also insight into her state of mind. It's artsy and confusing and feels like a fever dream. I especially like the last couple seconds with the flash of light and dark (although I do wonder if this could possibly trigger a person with epilepsy or migraines? so there is that)

Seira's is bad. It has some REALLY questionable frames in it that expose her bare ass for no reason, and also imo it's kind of hard to tell what's going on in it. A shame because Seira is great.

Yozuru has a great one imo. It's artsy and I like the music. The transformation in the beginning is good but I love the layering and the final shot. It really brings to mind how Yozuru closed off an entire aspect of herself through her wish.

Swimsuit Mami's is good. I'm impressed they made a long-ass video about Mami in a swimsuit and none of it feels like fanservice.

(actually a lot of the videos from this time period are really well done imo).

Vampire Kanagi had a really artsy one.

Yuna has my favorite henshin of all time. It's just so good-- the music, the visuals, the character...

Hm... Let's go through em again.

A lot of the Suzune ones are pretty bad imo. Chisato and Haruka have awful ones from the fanservice alone. Tsubaki actually has a decent one though imo? I really like the detail where the flame forms in the shape of a flower for her.

Haregi Sayaka has one of the prettiest ones.

Moka's makes me laugh. I still remember a reddit comment that described her video as "hallucinating candy and almost getting her ass cut in half with her own axe"

Chika's is sooooo unexpectedly pretty??????

Sudachi's could have been so good if it wasn't for a few really gross frames. It has this unbearable sense of loneliness to me that's really beautiful, but the nakedness ruins it.

Jun's is. blargh.

Uwasa Sana has a beautiful one. That opening shot of her falling is great.

Alexandra is suffering.

Konoha & Hazuki's is fucking stunning.

Nayuta's is??? amazing??? with awesome music.

Hmmm... After Final Oriko, I can't really say I liked any of the henshins, up until Mikoto's maybe. Oh, and Dark Mitama had a good oneish. But you can def feel that the budget is being put into other areas. Some of them are decent (Urara) but rely on still shots for energy, some of them have good ideas but really fall on their face in terms of animation quality (Himena), and then some are just. why. (Swimsuit Madoka).

But I think criminally, some are just kind of forgettable. Rabi's is... idk it should have been better imo.

Granted, a bunch of earlier videos are kind of bland to me as well, but it's kind of a shame that the quality stepped down. However, like with Tsuyu's recent one, I think that even if you don't have a lot of budget, you can still make a decent transformation video. You just need to make good choices.

I think Mikoto has a better transformation than Infinite Iroha does. If you compare the two, Infinite Iroha has more stuff going on and actual animation while Mikoto has a lot of stillness, still frames, and zooms-- however, Mikoto's tells a story and teaches you about the character, and Infinite Iroha's is kind of boring. It also has some really interesting shots, like where she appears in handheld mirror. You can do a lot of reading into it, about who is "the real" Mikoto, if she's made up of many different faucets of herself or if it's something she's crafted, etc, but the point is that it's possible to do that with that video and not for Iroha's one.

Thanks for the ask!

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

blargh blargh BLARGH. bloom into you rant touko my aro-coded theater queer im suddenly salty for you

the live reaction experience of getting to the last chapters of the Bloom Into You yuri manga as they were being released and thinking with increasing baffled passion that Yuu and Sayaka should've jumped from mutually respectful rivalry over how to best be a friend to Touko, to cozy not dramatic very competitive girlfriends with each other while their tall dark tragic theater girl realizes her one true love was the stage all along

Touko's story arc was so much bigger in scope than a confession of love to someone who's ancillary to all of it could ever satisfyingly wrap up (to ME) (my opinion means nothing except to me sself) she felt like a fully completed character with romance slapped on top last minute like a discount price tag sticker

her whole thing about being the one declaring her love and asking for kisses specifically with a girl who thinks she can't love anyone and then we find out Touko's been an actress this whole time not coping with grief by pretending to be her dead big sister only to find out said sister wasn't so extraordinary actually and Touko's perfect persona is almost nothing like her and Touko's need to do and be everything her sister couldn't is a whole thing

and who better to act out the quintessential highschool love and lust that you think you should be into but just can't bring yourself to try out, than with a partner who'll never be hurt by it not being real. What is more ace or aro than experiencing things you personally don't click with via a fictional character you can inhabit without worrying about long term real life consequences or connections to the real you, and finding out that it CAN be fun in that situation, with that distance

Touko's attracted to someone who says she can't fall in love and Touko makes that a requirement of their relationship that Yuu won't fall in love with her

(i know i know there's a Lot of reasons for her to do this i don't care im lost in the aro vibes)

but then Yuu does fall in love because whoops maybe she was gay this whole time after all and just didn't feel anything for the guy who asked her out

meanwhile Touko's long time bestie confesses HER love for Touko too

and im reading this screaming LET THE ARO-CODED GIRL ESCAPE THIS MADNESS LET THEsE TWO DATE EACH OTHER AND LEAVE HER BE!!!

by the end theater girl is out there moving past her trauma living her best normal girl life as a stage actress who's allowed to be imperfect off stage, and she has no idea her bestie had gotten a girlfriend until Yuu tells her

then a side story comes out and Sayaka the former Touko unrequited romantic suitor ended dating a girl who looks Exactly Like Yuu

in my head there's a sequel when they're in their thirties figuring out Hey Wait A Second with a dash of Maybe The AroAce Who Likes Having Girlfriends Was Touko All Along

(maybe Yuu and Sayaka should date about it) (maybe Touko can kiss her friends sometimes and go on dates with them for fun without it having to be romantic) (maybe Yuu's athletic childhood bestie meets the Yuu look alike and Sayaka finally gets one amicable fully mutual break up under her belt)

maybe my problem is that writers put so much effort into the pre-relationship but then treat the confession as the end, the resulting happiness a boring given, and almost never reward me with actually getting to see what the relationship itself looks like, when it's the whole thing I spent all this time waiting for and cheering on. Which makes the relationship feel empty and hollow (to me) compared to the other connections that DID get shown and established and grown into

maybe that's a silly thing to think about a highschool romance story.

maybe this is why im more and more only reading stories with relationships already established pre-canon so i don't have to worry about burning energy on something that won't make me go !!! by the end of it

maybe there's also stories where, even though the characters aren't officially together yet, they're still together enough for their dynamic to shift and settle into something that FEEELS like what they'll have for the rest of their lives no matter if they've confessed to each other or not

maybe bloom into you was very well made and STILL missed the mark for me so hard i stopped reading the entire genre, because if something THIS GOOD still could fundamentally not work for me, im just probably reading in the entirely wrong section of the romance isle

maybe i need to start sleeping again my brain feels like a gently poked sunny side up egg in a frying pan

[modern-inheritance]

Ait, animatic peoples and randos just here for the weirdass MIC/IC animatic. Here's the plan for the day.

This will probably change but I'm here for lunch and looking through the absolute MESS I made of my layers and folders while fretting over the run sequence frames so we'll focus there.

Eyeglow for Run2 and redo the motion blur with that added.

Run4, the final frame of the run sequence. Like, the whole thing of it. I already did the grid (i think? i fuckin HOPE–) yesterday so just need to trace, add background, ect. I'm sticking with the gradient for the background that was started in Run3, it looked really wrong with just the grass color.

think of something fun for feral!Arya to say when she's looking at the guy in Run4 because that's NOT going to be a smear/motion frame and we get to have anxiety about THAT because we're constantly forgeting that EACH OF THESE ONLY SHOW UP FOR 0.4 SECONDS.

Slash frames. Get some glow on them, clean them up. might do the paths trick but I prefer the sketch look. Motion blur? we're gonna be tinkering.

Past that, if it gets done today, then we can focus back on Murtagh's arrow cam sequence.

The Young Rider sequence, at least the door opening and Murtagh stabbing the guy, need to be remade in MagicPoser now that I have swords and stuff.

I'm gonna wait for the weekend to plan out/build the stuff for the intro with the mountain and all that.

do a few quick frames of Murtagh shooting everyone. easy shots, prob just an overview with each person 'HURK! blargh *faceplant*' from above. OO or maybe a few diff angles, quick to each–

Try not to panic about the dragon parts. If you have to, you can...you can try to export-import from MP to daz but that sounds like pain and tweaking it all in daz just with the dragon model sounds painful but not quite as much.

And yes. Yes we are going to start planning out Eragon's scenes. There's some finicky stuff I need to do with the final part of the Young Rider sequence, which could involve me doing music mashups and inserts again, but we'll cross that later. But there are indeed IDEAS for 'Oh My God He's The Most Powerful Man On The Continent and We Made Him Mad and Threatened The People He Loves and Protects that is not a human nor a man that is a fucking MONSTER–'!Eragon.

:3 because I don't think I've ever shown Eragon post war yet in an angry state. I'm a bit excited.

ooo. Do you think he's started trying to grow some scruff? Arya did find it a bit fetching on Fäolin, maybe he's gonna try and get somethin growing.... He still looks YOUNG, but he's in his mid 20s at this point, and while his growth and aging has stalled there due to his elf stuff now, he does look Man and not Boy/Teen.

hmmmm

I"m getting too detailed again alright i need to actually EAT MY FUCKING LUNCH WHY IS THERE ONLY FOUR MINUTES LEFT–

[apollotronica]

hiiiii... did you miss meeeee....

🌵 🌻🧃 🪐 🧸🥐 🍦 🦋 🥝 🐚

- 💌 (gas leak in my house) (everyone's ok but that was the main reason for my absence) (sorry!)

🌵- share the link to a playlist you love

erm i pnly have one big one I have like ones i dont listen to but . here

🌻- tag someone you appreciate but dont talk to on a regular basis

i could tag Everyone i consider a friend because i am so bad at talking to people but ermmmm @demdol @analogseeker @mukuberry @yurihifugen @librariansrose hiiiiii hugs you all

🧃- share some personal lore youve never posted about before

oh brother i post about everything thats ever happened to me . umm im very good with my toes Like i can do the same things with my feet that i can with my hands

🪐- name three good things going on in your life right now

ermmmm ummm UMMmmm 1 im going to thr mall today 2 i just got my discord account backc 3 Been having some interesting conversations lately which is always fun

🧸- whats the fastest way to become your mutual?

Ermmmm Ummmm eiyhet Ask . or follow me first and ill look thru ur blog for like 30 minutes until i decide if i wanna follow u back . idk shrug emoji

🥐- name one internet reference that will always make you laugh

Oh man . a lot of internet things make me laugh . any jerma bit honestly

🍦- name three good things about a character you hate

i havent really hated anyone recently . ermm . his face is . so flat. his voice is kinda funny . i guess hes good at brainwashing . nazu and prin know who im talking about i think

🦋- share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

I REALLY WANNA GO OUT IN MY HEELYS AND RIDE AROUND EVERYWHERE !!!!!!!!!!! BUT IT HURTS TO WEAR THEM FOR TOO LONG !!!!!!!!!!!!

🥝- do you lie a lot? whats the most recent lie you told?

i trll a lot of tiny little white lies i think ? Maybe ? i probably told a lie in this response . im bad at lying And telling the truth

🐚- do you like or dislike surprises?

honestly it depends on my mood beforehand . but i usually like them . Because i get bored being able to predict things . blargh

AND I DID MISS YOU !!!!!!!! HIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mtreebeardiles]

WIP Whenever

Blargh. Not giving too much context on this one since it's very rough, but keeping it under a cut since it's later in The Paths You Take

Managed to write something! But not what I needed to! But it's something! Eh?

CW for depression, grief

Even thinner there was no mistaking that silhouette -- fingers nervously tapping against a thigh, messy hair poking out from under a well-worn beanie, and it hurt her heart to see him curled inward like that, like he'd been robbed of something important, something that had given him substance, leaving him too frail, too small, too vulnerable. He was both her brother and not, a facsimile of the Scott she knew and loved, had held and had lost, grief of a greater magnitude eating away at all the things that had made him so vibrant, so larger-than-life and alive. 

"Scotty?"

He didn't react, didn't respond, and that kernel of worry that had taken up near-permanent residence in her chest wound tighter. Her brother had always been flighty, fickle, attention jumping from one thing to another and back, no rhyme or reason, but he'd always been aware. Could always be called back, coaxed into focus, usually with a grin and an innocent widening of the eyes and a laugh at the ready. 

Now it was like he couldn't hear anyone, anything, no matter how desperately they called for him. 

She closed the distance between them, set a gentle hand gingerly on his shoulder. He jumped, flinching, and something inside her flinched too. 

She couldn't remember a time when Scott Ryder had ever been on edge like this. 

"What are you doing here?" she asked, dropping her hand and fighting the urge to pull him in, hold him close, as if she could squeeze some life back into him. He jerked, shaking his head as if to clear it, and she pursed her lips to see how glassy his eyes still were, how deep the bags under them had gotten. No rest for the wicked, maybe, but certainly no rest for the broken hearted, either. 

"I… I uh." His voice was a rasp, as unfamiliar as his gauntness, his frayed, fraught energy. An echo of an echo of an echo and a spear of anger shot through her seeing him here, the open vista of Meridian's meticulously maintained terrace outside the Pathfinder's Guild behind him. Their salvation, and all it had cost was her brother. 

"I wanted to tell you that I… I'm leaving."

Sara blinked, her attention swinging back to him. "What?"

He licked dry lips, looking, if possible, even smaller, even more worn down from one second to the next. 

"I already chartered a shuttle." 

It was then she realized he had a bag slung across his shoulders. Too small to hold the things she knew he loved, the things he'd felt worthy enough to drag from one galaxy to another. No records, no guitar, and maybe he'd packed them already, maybe they were waiting for him on that shuttle and she was jumping to conclusions, but she didn't think so. 

He hadn't listened to music in months. 

His eyes finally met hers and her chest clenched to see the sheen in them. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I know I'm… I know it's selfish, but I can't… I can't stay here, Sara. Not…not without him. I need to…to not be in this place, anymore."

"Scott…"

A tear slid down his cheek and she couldn't take it anymore -- she reached for him, heart soaring in the split second of recognition and relief when he welcomed it, and then he was in her arms, his own wrapped around her, face buried in her shoulder as tears slowly wet the fabric of her shirt. 

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there, Scotty," she whispered again and again. "I'm so fucking sorry."

It took a long moment for him to gather himself enough to respond. She didn't mind, just held him tight, feeling the sharp jut of his bones, the foreign frailty of him, and felt her own throat and eyes burn. 

"Come with me?"

Air seemed to explode from her lungs, her exhale sharp. 

"Scott…"

"I know, I know," he murmured, giving her a squeeze. "I didn't… I told myself I wasn't going to ask. I'm sorry, that… that was shitty."

"It's okay."

"It isn't." He pulled away and she reluctantly let him go, watching as he scrubbed at his cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie. He offered her a small, humorless smile. "I know we can't both leave, Sara."

"But you do know I would if I could, yeah?" 

"Yeah," he whispered. "I know." He sniffled, exhaling shakily. "Um. So… yeah. I wanted… I didn't want to risk missing you, and not… not saying…"

"It's not goodbye," she cut in, voice a whisper but firm nonetheless. She waited until his gaze met hers. "It's not goodbye, Scott."

He fidgeted. "It's see you later," he agreed. His eyes dropped, and he fiddled with the strap of his bag. "I'll see you later, Sara. I'll call you."

"You better."

A fleeting smile and he was hugging her again, and for one moment he almost felt like himself again. Strong, sure, like the path laid before him was unknown and he was all too happy to meet it.

"Love you, Scotty."

"Love you, too." 

A final squeeze and she let him go, watched as he began making his way away from her -- away from here, from this place he'd made possible, from a dream he'd made real for so many even as it tore him apart. 

"Wait." 

He stopped, glancing over his shoulder at her. 

"You didn't mention where you were going." 

He blinked, then offered her a rueful grin that was closer to one of the many smiles she knew. Slightly lopsided, dimpling one bearded cheek, gaze unwavering. 

The sort of smile that didn't meet his eyes.

"Aya."

And as she watched her brother walk away, Sara wrapped her arms around herself, frowning at his back. 

Knowing, with the knowledge of a twin who'd spent a lifetime at his side, that her brother's last word to her was a lie. 

[squigglywindy]

I posted 5,454 times in 2022

That's 5,454 more posts than 2021!

1,354 posts created (25%)

4,100 posts reblogged (75%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bllaaaaarrgh

@silvercaptain24

@here4dragons

@triforce-of-mischief

@whatcouldpossiblyg0wr0ng

I tagged 2,958 of my posts in 2022

Only 46% of my posts had no tags

#squiggles answers - 733 posts

#squiggles rambles - 191 posts

#anon my beloved - 141 posts

#dragon my beloved - 128 posts

#silver my beloved - 104 posts

#beautiful art - 104 posts

#blargh my beloved - 95 posts

#blargh my beloafed - 77 posts

#linked universe - 75 posts

#howl my beloved - 72 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i misspelled so many words don’t mind me if it’s not a cardiac drug i haven’t thought about it for three days at least. my grammar is gone

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Love how youre 20 and like “I feel old” like mood but also I turned 19 and rather than feeling old myself I fr just went “wow how is everyone here so SMALL why is everyone a baby” 💀

Adfdskfhdsljklh y'know what, it's kind of a combination

132 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

#4

Y'know what. I just had a thought and I'm going to share it because it's What I Do.

I recently saw a really, really good writer putting down their work because it wasn't 'up to their usual standards', and 'not as good as it could have been' and 'just plain garbage' (It was none of you my lovely moots, I have no idea who this person was, I just saw them online).

And I read their little story and like...it was good. It was really, really good. Maybe they've been writing longer than me, maybe they're just That Talented, but it made me think that like...it was better than probably anything I'll ever produce, and...they didn't like it.

Made me think things like 'why do I bother sharing my weird little stories when even something this good isn't Good Enough?'

So then, because I'm me, I had a Lot Of Thoughts. What if there's a Baby Writer reading my stuff, and they see me throwing down on it because I have the self-confidence of a bullied slug, and decide that hey. Maybe my stuff's not Good Enough, so I'll keep it to myself.

Because the thing is, I've been writing for fifteen years. Am I great at it? Maybe not. As good as I'll ever get? No, everyone's always improving all the time! But I've been doing it for a while. Will everything I write be a masterpiece? Absolutely not! But do I string together words with a little more proficiency than somebody writing their first story ever? Probably. And I don't want any of them looking at what I say about my writing and deciding that they shouldn't try.

So, this is my official statement that I'm going to stop being self-deprecating about the things I create, and my request for anyone who sees me break this promise to jump on me and make me delete it. Yes, I'm still going to look at it and feel like it could be better. I'm still going to read my stuff and hate it sometimes. I'm human, and sometimes humans have trouble seeing value in their own work, even if it's so easy to see it in other people's. But I'm trying to get better. Because just the act of creating something makes it priceless. We, as writers and artists and people in general, put a little piece of our hearts into everything we do, and that's worth something. It's worth creating. It's worth sharing. And it's worth forcing yourself to see the value in it.

Please, please, never look at what somebody thinks about themselves, or anyone else, and wonder if it applies to you.

Never hesitate to create something, and share it, and be proud of it, just because maybe you think it will never be as good as what somebody else made.

It's not a race. It's not a competition. We're here to have fun.

Ily'all/plat. Keep creating. Keep sharing. Keep being you; you're awesome enough exactly as you are <3

152 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

#3

292 notes - Posted November 15, 2022

#2

The Loaf

This one's for you, @bllaaaaarrgh

Title: The Loaf

Warnings: Implied major character death. The loaf wins. Unironic use of the word "Yonkers".

Summary: Wild fist fights a massive loaf of bread. Read all about it here: https://at.tumblr.com/bllaaaaarrgh/imagine-this-wild-fist-fighting-a-massive-loaf-of/lsi6mmc4dpb6

General Notes: I tried something different with this one; it switches back and forth between past and present. Past will be in italics.

More Notes: This is sheer insanity. I had a lot of fun with it, and am fully prepared to face the consequences of my actions.

It was a curse, he was sure of it. Whether it was the bread or himself that was cursed, he may never know for sure. But he did know, with absolute certainty, that normal bread didn't behave in such a manner.

But he didn’t have time to question the origins of the loaf. Barely had time to arm himself with a spoon. By the time he saw the loaf, it was too late.

--

It had all started hours earlier, when Time had called for a break and the Links had settled down in a clearing to rest their legs, refill their waterskins, or take a quick nap. It had taken minimal convincing for everyone to agree to let Wild wander; go off on his own to run off some energy and scavenge for interesting mushrooms. And that, if he had been able to look back on the occasion, may have been his first mistake.

--

The loaf towered over him, easily five feet tall. It was just bread, really, but he could swear it had a face. The perfectly baked crust flaked in such a way as to give it the impression of angry eyebrows, glaring down at Wild as if he had, somehow, personally wronged the bread. As if he weren’t solely responsible for giving it life.

--

He found the mushroom beside a tree, nestled between a mess of roots as mushrooms so often are. It was bigger than any mushroom he’d ever seen, and glowing a bright intense orange. It seemed alive, in a way that far surpassed all other fungi. The glow pulsated in the evening light, and a grin broke across Wild’s face as ran forward, clutching the stalk of the mushroom between his hands. It was hard to pull up, the mycelium reaching far into the ground. The mushroom was strong, but Wild was stronger. Eventually, the roots snapped and Wild stumbled backwards with the loss of resistance, landing hard on the ground but grinning from ear to ear at the massive mushroom in his hands. It was going to make a fantastic snack, he thought. And that, anyone would agree, was his second mistake.

--

Wild was a gentleman, so he let the bread throw the first punch. If what the bread did could, in fact, be called a punch. It moved in ways that shouldn’t have been possible for such a massive wall of freshly cooked yeasty goodness, traveling on invisible feet to hurl itself at Wild, whacking his head with the usually-satisfying crackle of crisp bread crust being torn. It didn’t sound as nice, up close; not when the bread was pounding into his skull.

He swung the spoon, then; whacking it into the side of the bread in a desperate attempt to bring down his biggest mistake. To undo the monster he had created. But the bread was a step ahead, as it always seemed to be. It made sense, he realized as it happened, that a bread that could come to life would also be able to absorb a wooden spoon.

The spoon disappeared into the side of the bread, consumed just like every other chance he had at defending himself. It was just him and his fists, now. Just Wild’s bare hands against the bread.

--

He didn’t take the mushroom back to the makeshift camp to show the others; if he did, they’d only tell him not to eat it. They’d say it’s ‘too big’ and ‘too orange’ and ‘doesn’t even grow around here where’d you find it put it back’. There were times he was absolutely sure that they didn’t want him to have any fun at all.

And so he set up right where he was. Started a fire, heated up his portable cooking pot, and set to work on preparing his latest creation.

The mushroom was powdery; almost flour-like, when he crushed it with a rock and sprinkled it into the pot. With a texture like that, only one course of action made sense: he was going to make bread. Or a pancake, really, given the supplies he had to work with. But it would be huge and delicious and when he brought it back to camp, everyone would ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ over how good it was. Just as long as they never found out what it was made out of.

He tossed in the other ingredients; some milk of questionable origins, an egg he’d found in a hot spring three or four months prior, and a sprinkle of his live yeast culture. Afterall, there was nothing worse than flat bread.

Once the last few ingredients were added, he stirred it all up with his spoon and sat on a rock to wait; humming quietly to himself as he watched the pot patiently. Alone, in the woods, cooking bread made out of mushrooms. It was truly the recipe for his third mistake.

--

With nothing left to fight back with, Wild flung his fists with all his might. They impacted against the side of the loaf, bread flakes flying but doing nothing to halt the path of carnage the loaf was creating. The fifth time his fist connected with the crust, he was forcefully reminded of the fate of his favorite spoon.

He was absorbed. Slowly, to give him the illusion of hope. His hand sunk into the bread, encased within the warm interior of his latest baking endeavor. “Yonkers!” He shouted in panic as the bread sucked him in up to her shoulder. He was powerless to fight back against the loaf; he had no weapons, and bread would not hear reason. He was well and truly trapped.

--

The bread didn’t stop rising when it hit pancake-height, but he didn’t really question it until it crested the rim of the pan. It just kept going up, and Wild could only stare in wonder at the cooking miracle he had discovered. They would be eating this bread for weeks; and he wouldn’t be leaving the area without a stockpile of the magical mushroom that had made it all possible.

See the full post

345 notes - Posted October 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Learned about a new frog yesterday. Some of you know of my love for frogs. Instagram knows this too, and likes to throw random frog pics at me. Anyway...

If Four was a frog, he'd be a Black Rain Frog

Evidence:

This poor creature hasn't felt joy since last year, at least

1,814 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[faustocosgrove]

and on the twelth day of reviewmas I, Fausto, give to thee:

one of 12 instances of elder abuse

11 yawns

my 10 remaining brain cells after this shitty movie jfc

9 instances this show reminded me of a better show

an 80s cult movie

7 lgbt main characters in an incredibly queer manga like holy shit

6 ye olde government agents

5/5 stars best movie of the decade easily. might be the best movie of all time

4 scantily clad teenaged girls (fbi open up! meme)

the 3rd time i read the same book about lawns maybe?

2 high school animes

and a ninja book

…from a guy who still thinks about the naruto series in the year 2024

corrective measures

part way through this movie the person i was watching it with asked “is this a remake of cool hand luke but with super powers?” and the very next line out of the evil warden was “what we have here is fucking failure to fucking communicate”

um, other than that it wasn’t very good. probably the best performance was done by the people doing the fake news segments. the special effects were good and cheesy, but it was very…. post production. like a lot of the actors you could tell were just told to go “blargh!” and then fake fight and their super powers were going to be edited in later and like they weren’t told what said super powers would be.

i suppose there was a bit of commentary about power and corruption… but only in the corporate promotional world. there’s also a wee bit of commentary of prison reform, but only in the neo liberal approved “people with misdemeanors shouldn’t be locked up alongside murderers” kind of way. and a wee bit of commentary on how cops are probably psychologically fucked up, but the only one that gets explored is the asian lady cop, not the white guys.

also, the black lady taking over as the warden doesn’t feel right. i mean the entire premise of a black woman working very hard to become a prison warden doesn’t feel right. i mean i’m pretty sure it’s racist but i’m not really sure why? maybe it’s just a hollow version of the asian cop lady thing where the hard ass cop who is a piece of shit is neither white nor a man, so clearly these people aren’t as bad as if they were white men, so the audience will think they’re a good guy. like i think we’re supposed to think that the prison won’t be torturing the inmates anymore because a black woman is in charge. and like, kamala harris is the proof that having a black woman in charge doesn’t end the need for prison abolition.

it’s one of the 12 movies bruce willis did in 2022, only to retire from film making in 2023 due to dementia. honestly, it shows. i truly wonder why he was acting these last few years. i mean, i checked his wikipedia page to remember what medical condition he was retiring from and it states that in 2021 for one of the films he was in his role was reduced and his lines abreviated and filming had to be done in one day. and yet for some reason, the poor guy was in 12 movies throughout 2022 and as of retiring in 2023 there are still 11 films that he was in that haven’t come out yet. methinks the family did a wee bit of elder abuse.

[bloop-im-a-frog-now]

Okay, hi, I never usually do this, but I know a lot of Scar-centric fics, especially angst ones.

Let's start with homesick (are you still listening) by pastelitey, Fantasy/Royal AU fic when Scar’s brother goes missing and thus, he has to become King. So much angst, so much shenanigans, but most of all, heartbreaking story.

Keep My Heart From Being Broken by mayflowers07 is a fic that will keep you on the edge of your seat. Jellie gets lost and Scar goes above and beyond to find her back.

If you're a fan of TCD!Scar, then scar is Not Vibing by Huntress8611 is where Scar gets a panic attack from seeing Cleo and how she helps him calm down.

those maddening circles, that we must fly and dance our way around (Maddening Circles) by Interjection is a story of how suppressing your urges could do you more harm than good and Scar learns this the hard way by turning into a full Vex after an accident. How will the server help him turn back to the Scar they know and love and how will they prevent it from happening again?

Do you like it when authors give Scar PTSD about the life series? Well, BLARGH! by TheYesterdayShow got you covered! Scar gets anxious whenever someone is close to his pets, so when Jellie goes missing? Well, maybe hiding your separation anxiety is harder than you think.

Did it ever bother you that whenever Scar goes into an infodump session, people bemoan? Well, I'll bite my tongue and hold my words, no of course it doesn't hurt! by Loafabun explores that subject in such a nuanced way that I still about it as much as I think about Chem's fic.

You said you wanted more TCD!Scar fics? May I suggest scar's to-do list by thepigeoncat where they give him a canonical ending of his TCD series.

Hands in Fate (Our Fates are in Our Hands) by Atherixx is a mumscarian soulmate fic but Scar is the main character and boi does he go thru a lot before having his happy ending. Being a hybrid in a town that has history with hybrids might not have been the smartest decision ever.

Oh, more trauma tied to the life series, you say? Do I have a good one for you. Baby, just let me bleed in peace by mossman_mothman is Scar being paranoid after last life and just overall not having a Great Time until he can't take it anymore.

Have not seen a lot of Hanahaki fics before, but if you wanted Scar to suffer, boy do I have the fic for you. Crack My Ribs (Make Me Whole) by mgrnn is last life Scar having hanahaki disease and accepting it in some... questionable coping way.

I have two more fics left to suggest and that is just us, always us by thepigeoncat and You built your kingdom around me. Now I’m trapped inside these walls and all I want is to be free. by NebbyAxololt, two aro Scar fics that enjoyed immensely. The first one is Grian not understanding why he can't love Scar the way he thinks Scar loves him, the second being Scar hating being soulmate with Grian and just wishing to be doing his own thing.

Sorry for the long message, but I love Scar dearly and have almost read every fic about him and his traumas and sorry if you already read a good chunk of these fics. Hope you enjoy your reading!!!

I enjoy Grian but you literally have to swim through fanfics to find a story about anyone else jsksksksk someone please recommend me good Scar fics I’m parched out here! (I like angst >:))

[shima-draws]

I wanna. Talk. About my OCs